The Michael Knowles Show - Michael Knowles Can't Stop Laughing With Comedian Jeff Dye

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00:00:30.000 Can you believe we were just pantsing people?

00:00:32.080 Yeah, you'd wait for your friend who trusts you

00:00:34.780 to be like holding a tray of food or something

00:00:38.460 and then you would just pants him.

00:00:39.880 If he told on you, you'd act incredulous.

00:00:41.980 Like, oh, God.

00:00:43.560 Here we go.

00:00:44.260 All we did was pull his pants and underwear down

00:00:47.580 and now he told on us?

00:00:50.200 We're going to have to beat the shit out of that guy.

00:01:00.000 Welcome to Yes or No, the bibulous battle to discover who knows whom better.

00:01:12.460 My guest today is comedian Jeff Dye.

00:01:15.260 Sorry, I'm Googling bibulous.

00:01:17.160 Bibulous, it's a great word.

00:01:18.600 What does that mean?

00:01:19.700 That's a $10 word when a nickel would have done.

00:01:21.460 He is a stand-up comedian and an actor, and here is how it works.

00:01:25.280 I'm going to ask Jeff a yes or no question to lock in his answer away from my prying eyes.

00:01:30.000 them. I will try to guess what he chose. If I guess correctly, I get a point. If I guess

00:01:35.400 incorrectly, I will lose a point. No matter what, I usually say I'll end up drinking,

00:01:40.180 but mercifully, Jeff took pity on me today because it's in the morning, and I don't have

00:01:45.060 to slam a martini right when I wake up. I'm having a tasty little smoothie. Then it'll

00:01:49.180 be Jeff's turn. Neither of us has seen the questions beforehand. Whoever has the most

00:01:53.060 points at the end of the game wins. The stakes could be higher. Do you have a wager, Jeff?

00:01:58.400 First of all, thank you for coming on the show.

00:01:59.940 Thanks for having me.

00:02:00.800 I'm a big fan.

00:02:02.000 I'm excited to be here.

00:02:03.500 Yeah, pleasure's all my...

00:02:04.420 Smoothies.

00:02:04.860 Hey, my alcoholism worked out to your advantage.

00:02:07.220 You don't have to drink today.

00:02:08.700 I am so happy you're an alcoholic.

00:02:10.800 I did not...

00:02:11.860 And the fact that you come on...

00:02:13.160 The one thing I'm irritated about,

00:02:14.660 you had two sold-out shows at Zaney's last night.

00:02:16.880 Yes.

00:02:17.200 Nobody informed me of this fact.

00:02:19.040 I got to work on your team.

00:02:20.060 I know.

00:02:20.620 So the shows went great.

00:02:22.000 Yeah.

00:02:22.440 Now you're here.

00:02:23.240 We're smoking nice, tasty breakfast cigars.

00:02:24.980 Yes, I'm very excited.

00:02:25.560 Cheers.

00:02:26.280 Cheers.

00:02:26.880 What's the wager?

00:02:28.060 Oh, I thought about this all morning.

00:02:30.020 You know, when you prep for a show like Yes or No, you can't stop thinking about it.

00:02:35.320 A little bit of nerves, you know, a little excitement.

00:02:37.700 I was racking my brain.

00:02:39.680 I figured a fair wager.

00:02:42.060 You live in Nashville.

00:02:43.000 I live in Los Angeles.

00:02:45.080 Whoever loses has to move to Iran.

00:02:50.640 I think that is.

00:02:52.360 That's a pretty fair wager.

00:02:53.380 You know, because we both love where we live.

00:02:55.340 Yeah.

00:02:55.560 But, you know, if this is going to mean something, I think that is...

00:03:00.820 Look, all right, that's fair, because I was going to say,

00:03:02.760 I was going to say, if I lose, I'll give you, like, a box of cigars or something.

00:03:07.300 Oh, yeah, we'll go with cigars for a cigar.

00:03:09.140 Yeah, and if I...

00:03:10.740 But now...

00:03:12.660 What, are you afraid about real estate in Iran?

00:03:14.640 Yeah, and on top of that.

00:03:16.140 Can't afford it with your big fancy show?

00:03:19.100 Oh, what are the prices in Iran?

00:03:21.460 I don't know what that...

00:03:22.060 I can't wait.

00:03:22.560 I'd rather live in Tehran post-Rubio than at the Trump Hotel and Casino in Gaza, which also will be built.

00:03:30.680 So, we have the stakes on the table.

00:03:33.220 Okay, got it.

00:03:34.440 You know the rules?

00:03:35.360 Yes, sir.

00:03:36.340 I don't really.

00:03:37.500 I ask every time.

00:03:38.720 I was lying when I said that, but I just figured, you know, say it with confidence.

00:03:42.340 We'll roll through it, edit it, you know.

00:03:44.860 This is live.

00:03:45.620 Of all the modern medical diagnosis fads, which increasingly seem to be ways to dodge

00:03:51.940 personal accountability, is dyslexia just an excuse for not wanting to proofread text

00:03:57.580 messages?

00:03:58.580 That is absurd.

00:04:00.580 Now, I have to guess how you would answer.

00:04:02.580 Right.

00:04:03.580 It's well written.

00:04:05.580 It's very funny.

00:04:06.580 It was written by a dyslexic.

00:04:07.580 I'm not even joking.

00:04:08.580 I know, but it's very...

00:04:09.580 That actually was written.

00:04:10.580 Well, I just like, which increasingly seems to be ways to dodge personal accountability.

00:04:14.540 It's very funny.

00:04:15.540 Now, do you have your answer?

00:04:18.100 I haven't locked in.

00:04:18.760 This is how you would.

00:04:19.160 Yeah.

00:04:19.460 It is locked in.

00:04:20.300 No, I said now I'm locked in, but I feel like you kind of saw my thumb.

00:04:23.520 Yeah, so it's not just an excuse, but Newsom, is Newsom dyslexic, do you think?

00:04:29.760 I don't know.

00:04:30.560 He says he is?

00:04:31.220 I think he's retarded, and we should never, ever conflate dyslexia with retardism.

00:04:39.660 It'd be unfair.

00:04:40.960 It'd be insensitive.

00:04:41.680 Yeah, also, it's just like the medical colleges don't teach that.

00:04:45.120 Right.

00:04:45.540 Dyslexia and retardism are very different.

00:04:49.080 And we got to see, I'm a sensitive guy.

00:04:51.100 I'm trying to be sensitive to these subjects.

00:04:53.740 Yeah, I have dyslexia.

00:04:55.240 Do you know that?

00:04:55.760 Do you?

00:04:56.220 Yeah.

00:04:56.840 But it's fine.

00:04:59.180 Can you, because Newsom said,

00:05:00.740 it flares up every once and again.

00:05:02.940 Not a big deal.

00:05:04.640 You're looking at yes or no, and then it switches.

00:05:06.460 Yeah.

00:05:07.840 But times I've noticed it in my life is like,

00:05:10.620 one time I was, it's a glass door,

00:05:14.260 and on this side it said pull.

00:05:17.080 But because it's a glass door,

00:05:18.980 the pull was backwards

00:05:20.140 and I'm sitting there pulling

00:05:21.820 and I think I'm going crazy.

00:05:23.340 I'm like, am I not?

00:05:24.200 It says pull.

00:05:25.460 My friend's like, yeah, it's on the other side.

00:05:27.220 And I was like, oh, but like,

00:05:28.980 those are the kind of moments

00:05:30.620 where I see it rear its head,

00:05:31.740 but who cares?

00:05:32.500 Do you find,

00:05:33.780 so I've found that my buddies who are dyslexic

00:05:36.140 actually are better at show business

00:05:38.500 because they have better spatial reasoning.

00:05:41.060 It's not a punchline, it's not a joke.

00:05:42.200 I actually think their brains work in a different way.

00:05:45.340 So Newsom said because he's dyslexic, he doesn't read.

00:05:49.120 He can't read.

00:05:49.640 Do you read?

00:05:50.380 I read all the time, yeah.

00:05:51.920 So he's just, it's a completely ridiculous.

00:05:53.620 I think it is true.

00:05:54.640 People use it as an excuse.

00:05:55.580 I used it as an excuse growing up.

00:05:56.940 I would go, I can't do this.

00:05:57.840 I have dyslexia.

00:05:58.380 I would go, oh, I got a little excuse to not have to do the thing.

00:06:02.400 But I listen to books.

00:06:04.140 Yeah.

00:06:04.560 That's better.

00:06:05.200 I'm a better listener than a reader.

00:06:06.660 Also, you can multitask.

00:06:07.820 You can't, like, hold a book and, like, drive your car.

00:06:10.340 You can put it on the thing, yeah.

00:06:12.200 So I find dyslexia is kind of an advantage.

00:06:16.900 I don't know.

00:06:17.600 I have dysphoria.

00:06:18.640 I have gender dysphoria.

00:06:19.800 Oh, you do?

00:06:20.540 Oh, that's huge right now.

00:06:21.860 It is.

00:06:22.580 It's a big one.

00:06:23.760 It's a new excuse to be a pervert, actually.

00:06:25.960 That's really what it's for.

00:06:26.860 Okay, you're up.

00:06:27.980 All right.

00:06:28.380 So I'm going to unlock no.

00:06:31.240 Are you comfortable with the fact that if you died today,

00:06:35.040 your tombstone, in public opinion, would read,

00:06:38.200 the guy who wanted to eradicate trannies from public life entirely.

00:06:44.320 Public life?

00:06:48.420 Old Moderate Michael, straddling the fence again.

00:06:51.480 What does that mean?

00:06:54.080 Like, my tombstone in public opinion?

00:06:56.940 What does that mean?

00:06:57.680 Yeah.

00:06:58.160 My obituary?

00:06:59.120 I don't know, I don't know.

00:07:00.260 But yeah, I think that they're suggesting that if you died right now,

00:07:04.160 this is what would be on your tombstone.

00:07:06.180 Wow.

00:07:06.440 Which I disagree with the premise, but if that is true, would you be comfortable with that?

00:07:11.180 I got my answer.

00:07:12.100 Yeah, I'm going to go with no.

00:07:14.520 Yeah, all right, get that point.

00:07:15.820 You're moving to Tehran.

00:07:17.980 Wait, you said yes?

00:07:19.100 Yeah, I did say yeah.

00:07:20.320 You'd be comfortable with that?

00:07:20.940 That's okay, it doesn't bother me.

00:07:21.780 No, you wouldn't.

00:07:22.900 That's fine, whatever.

00:07:23.660 First of all, I'd be dead, so I'd either be in heaven, in which case I'm comfortable with anything,

00:07:28.300 or I'd be burning in hell, in which case I couldn't ever be comfortable.

00:07:31.400 It isn't, are you comfortable now in that state?

00:07:35.300 It's are you comfortable with what is on that tombstone?

00:07:37.740 Am I today, or would I be comfortable?

00:07:40.880 Are you comfortable with the fact that it's on the tombstone?

00:07:42.420 Okay, yeah.

00:07:43.400 Okay, all right, that's fair.

00:07:45.020 You're not dyslexic.

00:07:46.300 You read that better than I read that.

00:07:47.980 Well, I'm obsessed with words, you know.

00:07:51.120 But it's like...

00:07:54.000 Am I comfortable with it?

00:07:55.000 I would be angry for you if that's how you were remembering.

00:07:57.680 Yeah, okay.

00:07:58.880 Look, I'm comfortable with it in the sense that I rejoice in my sufferings.

00:08:04.420 You know, if I even merit an obituary in the New York Times or something, some liberal paper, it's going to say, like, this ugly, stupid jerk died today.

00:08:18.440 And, you know, look, an ISIS commander dies.

00:08:21.000 They say the austere, brilliant, beautiful, religious scholar, the poet, whatever.

00:08:25.020 And then Scott Adams dies.

00:08:27.180 And they say, like, a racist cartoonist dead.

00:08:29.560 Celebrations today.

00:08:30.220 It happened this week, actually.

00:08:31.640 Chuck Norris' thing was like

00:08:34.700 maybe his politics

00:08:36.660 will take away from his

00:08:38.460 being remembered.

00:08:41.360 But you see what they wrote about

00:08:42.700 Rob Reiner and it was like the most sweet

00:08:44.800 nice thing. Or the Ayatollah.

00:08:47.060 Yeah.

00:08:48.160 I guess I'm comfortable with it in the sense that

00:08:50.900 yeah, if I even

00:08:52.560 merit an obituary

00:08:53.740 it's going to be the guy who wanted to

00:08:56.840 genocide the trannies

00:08:58.380 Merit an obituary?

00:09:00.200 Yeah, I don't know.

00:09:01.100 My Uncle Al got an obituary, and you're way more successful than him.

00:09:06.460 He was just some creep.

00:09:07.840 Yeah, what did they say about Uncle Al?

00:09:09.720 Nothing good.

00:09:10.820 He was survived by his fifth wife.

00:09:14.100 Yeah.

00:09:17.280 You're right.

00:09:17.860 I'm more comfortable with the tranny thing than some of that.

00:09:19.620 Despite all the holes in his resume, he said he had money.

00:09:25.600 I'm not comfortable with that for you.

00:09:27.220 I think you're a great man, and I hate that people write weird shit like that.

00:09:30.200 Thank you.

00:09:30.500 I appreciate that.

00:09:31.000 Yeah.

00:09:32.460 Actually, I guess my obituary is going to be in Farsi if I lose this game, so we'll find out.

00:09:37.580 This is a video prompt that we have to watch before I...

00:09:40.320 Oh, cool.

00:09:41.000 He's like, oh, you know that they're going to let a trans chick fight a biological female?

00:09:46.140 I'm a go-along guy.

00:09:47.280 I'm going, hey, I don't, you know, hey.

00:09:50.480 Hey, man.

00:09:51.080 You know, hey, why do you care, man?

00:09:53.720 She wants to fight.

00:09:54.740 She can fight whatever she believes.

00:09:56.160 She is beautiful.

00:09:56.920 You know, that's nice.

00:09:58.860 Right?

00:09:59.240 That's good.

00:09:59.640 That's nice.

00:10:00.200 go along guy that's good trying to be nice want to be everybody's friend want everyone to get

00:10:04.600 along you say let her you know and then you the fight came on and they were like in this corner

00:10:09.320 tamika she's like hi i'm a regular lady i'm happy to be here happy to be here and they're going in

00:10:16.040 this corner felon fox she's like oh god they're gonna fight and brendan's like that's what we're

00:10:25.480 telling you earlier i was like i think i have some opinions actually i've suddenly formed a few

00:10:30.440 opinions i'm no longer go-along guy they shouldn't do this the fight went exactly how you think it

00:10:38.120 went it was about 12 seconds of fallon fox going tamika's skull is breaking into

00:10:49.160 we agree men shouldn't beat up women right side question will gina carano beat ron

00:10:55.480 Ronda Rousey on May 16th.

00:10:57.120 All right.

00:10:58.540 What you're going to say is...

00:11:05.220 No, I got it wrong.

00:11:06.280 You think Gina Carano's going to beat Ronda Rousey?

00:11:07.960 Well, the big reveal on these is very strange.

00:11:11.000 I know, yeah.

00:11:11.640 They just kind of tell you.

00:11:13.240 Yeah, I think Gina Carano's going to win.

00:11:15.960 Why do you think that?

00:11:16.540 Because I bet with my heart, not with my brain.

00:11:19.520 Yeah, do you know why I actually...

00:11:21.740 Look, I love Gina.

00:11:22.800 She's been on this show.

00:11:24.560 Gina, though, how do I say this?

00:11:26.760 Because I'm a married guy.

00:11:28.880 I don't want it to seem like I'm saying.

00:11:30.080 She's hot.

00:11:30.540 Yeah, she's slimmed even a little bit, and I just fear.

00:11:34.680 And she's always been gorgeous.

00:11:36.080 She's always been beautiful.

00:11:37.060 She's very beautiful.

00:11:37.620 I fear that now her even being a little trimmer, that's going to give her a disadvantage in the fight.

00:11:43.200 Oh, by the way, I should be very clear on this.

00:11:46.260 When I'm talking about her body, it isn't about weight fluctuation.

00:11:49.940 It's just like I'm not into big, strong chicks.

00:11:52.860 There was the muscle thing.

00:11:54.400 It's like there were times where Gina was like,

00:11:56.920 hey, maybe that's not as hot.

00:11:58.040 She beat the hell out of me.

00:12:00.060 But she's always beautiful.

00:12:01.500 She's always been cool.

00:12:02.280 I'm going to that fight, by the way.

00:12:04.100 Can I?

00:12:05.140 I love Gina Carano.

00:12:06.680 Yeah.

00:12:06.820 That's my preference.

00:12:08.220 I hate watching women fight.

00:12:11.020 Really?

00:12:11.540 Yeah, I mean, I like watching them fight in kind of like in the office

00:12:14.460 when they're just being catty to each other.

00:12:15.880 But in physical fights, I have to walk.

00:12:18.740 If I go to UFC and the girls start fighting, I go get a drink.

00:12:22.640 Interesting.

00:12:23.520 I cannot watch it.

00:12:24.540 I don't know.

00:12:25.680 Maybe I'm, I can't tell if that makes me chivalry.

00:12:26.880 Why do you think that is?

00:12:28.240 I can't tell if it's chivalry.

00:12:29.680 Yeah.

00:12:29.940 It might be just chivalry.

00:12:30.900 I don't want to say, or I don't know, maybe I'm just nuts.

00:12:32.860 What if we gave them weapons?

00:12:34.060 Yeah.

00:12:35.040 Then would you be in?

00:12:35.940 Well, yeah.

00:12:36.420 If I didn't have to look the loser in the face afterwards, because she would be splayed

00:12:41.000 out, you know, splattered on the mat, then maybe I could do it.

00:12:44.620 I'll admit this here.

00:12:45.920 I'm not really into any fighting.

00:12:48.140 Even the guys, I'm going, Jesus, if these were dogs, this would be against the law.

00:12:52.340 You know, like, this is crazy.

00:12:54.240 Like, I watch fake wrestling.

00:12:56.000 Like, I watch WWE and AEW and stuff like that.

00:12:58.420 Like, I like that it's predetermined.

00:12:59.860 I like that it's a show.

00:13:02.320 You know, I know they're not really hurting each other.

00:13:03.920 I know they're buddies.

00:13:04.900 So, to be honest, any kind of fighting makes me a little, you know, not comfortable.

00:13:10.300 But I'm friends with Joe and I'm friends with Brendan Schaub and all these guys who love it.

00:13:13.600 And so, they've kind of made me into it just because I like them and I like being around them.

00:13:17.580 But I also have, I'm a hater when it comes to Ronda Rousey.

00:13:21.060 I've always been a hater.

00:13:22.620 I don't like her attitude.

00:13:24.420 I know that she's a badass, and she's the best at what she does, and I respect that.

00:13:29.300 And Joe loves her and defends her and says that she's like a competitor.

00:13:32.860 But I like people that are nice.

00:13:34.320 Could you beat up Ronda Rousey?

00:13:36.040 No.

00:13:36.680 No, I don't think so.

00:13:37.580 I don't, see, I remember we asked this.

00:13:39.340 Let's get, let's get that up.

00:13:40.600 Let's get that going.

00:13:41.900 Man, that would be a great game.

00:13:43.280 Yeah, you'd watch that.

00:13:44.100 I would watch it.

00:13:46.060 I'm learning stuff about myself.

00:13:48.300 We asked some millennial, this was 10 years ago,

00:13:51.480 one of the millennial staffers back when we were young,

00:13:54.020 when millennials were young, and we're like,

00:13:55.720 do you think that a woman can beat up a man?

00:13:58.100 And he said, absolutely.

00:13:59.740 I was like, I don't think that basically any woman can beat up basically any man.

00:14:05.340 It's like when that tennis player, Karsten Brosh, played this.

00:14:08.760 Yes, they really buried that.

00:14:10.760 Yeah, yeah.

00:14:11.420 You can't almost find that anywhere on the internet.

00:14:13.420 You've got to do some deep diving to find that.

00:14:15.740 All right, so the only way to find out if Ronda Rousey could beat you up

00:14:19.480 is to film it on this show.

00:14:21.280 I think I could knock her out.

00:14:22.940 Here's what I think.

00:14:24.600 I think I could knock.

00:14:25.800 I got the reach.

00:14:26.480 I got big fists, whatever.

00:14:27.960 But I think that she would try to do some wormy thing

00:14:30.560 where she gets me on the ground, and then she'd break my arm,

00:14:33.540 and then everyone would laugh in my face.

00:14:35.220 That's what I think would happen.

00:14:36.580 Because she knows judo.

00:14:38.500 She knows what she's doing.

00:14:39.620 So, like, I would say if we fought, she would indefinitely win, for sure.

00:14:43.480 Because she'd get wormy.

00:14:44.860 Yeah.

00:14:45.200 All right.

00:14:45.580 Yeah, she's all squirrely and all that.

00:14:47.120 But I think I could maybe just rack her one, and then people would be like, oh, dude.

00:14:51.040 But that's, these kind of conversations are tricky, you know?

00:14:55.140 Like, one time, you remember.

00:14:55.860 When you're talking about beating women.

00:14:56.880 Yeah, you know?

00:14:57.780 I mean, I see it on Mortal Kombat all the time.

00:15:00.460 Yeah.

00:15:01.000 Sony Blade gets beat up by Sub-Zero, and no one says anything.

00:15:03.540 This is like that.

00:15:04.140 I talk about knocking out Ronda Rousey, and everyone's like, can you believe what he said to Michael Knowles?

00:15:07.600 Yes.

00:15:08.080 This is the trash talk before the fight.

00:15:11.300 Yeah, she's going to get wormy and squirrely, but I'll knock her with a right hook.

00:15:14.860 Okay, you're up.

00:15:15.800 I know all my X's and O's with that talk, don't I?

00:15:18.560 Well, me and my buddy were always laughing about one time.

00:15:21.300 He's always coming up with these things.

00:15:22.580 He goes, man, you think a chimp could beat up a guy?

00:15:25.740 And then everybody talks about, you know, these monkeys, how strong they are and all this stuff.

00:15:29.960 And I go, dude, it wouldn't go the way you think it would go, dude.

00:15:32.860 What would happen is they'd have some guy out there like Bobby Lashley, like, I'm going to beat up this monkey.

00:15:37.400 and then the monkey just kind of doesn't even know

00:15:39.960 he's in a fight.

00:15:41.580 Smoking a sink.

00:15:42.300 Yeah, and Bobby Lashley's like,

00:15:43.840 poof, just kills the monkey's dead,

00:15:46.420 and then everyone's like,

00:15:47.060 we shouldn't have done this

00:15:48.440 because the monkey don't know he's going to fight a guy.

00:15:51.660 Yeah, yeah.

00:15:53.120 Wow, you can't communicate.

00:15:54.480 Now everyone's just standing by the cage going,

00:15:56.260 oh, God, he just killed that child.

00:15:59.820 If at least the monkey put up a fight,

00:16:02.160 I can tolerate it.

00:16:03.480 Everyone just goes, why did we do this?

00:16:05.320 Yeah, yeah.

00:16:06.120 We gave him lessons.

00:16:07.120 We kept saying, you're going to fight this guy, and he wasn't listening.

00:16:10.220 He wasn't eating an apple.

00:16:12.760 That's sad.

00:16:13.900 This is sad.

00:16:15.500 You got to clear your answer.

00:16:19.260 It's a video or photo prompt.

00:16:22.720 Oh, dear.

00:16:24.580 That's your past guest.

00:16:26.860 Man, it's hot in Africa out there.

00:16:30.320 What's up, Fat Oliver?

00:16:31.560 Listen, I need a couple lighters.

00:16:34.120 You got a couple lighters?

00:16:35.240 You're walking around with that f***ing phone.

00:16:37.000 You know who the f*** you are, man?

00:16:40.080 Don't get your pennies in a bunch.

00:16:41.200 You need to step the f*** out.

00:16:42.200 I'm telling you right now.

00:16:42.640 I don't understand your lingo.

00:16:43.580 You like it?

00:16:47.520 That is Ari Shaffir from The Amazing Racist,

00:16:50.920 which was live on MySpace.

00:16:54.160 Man, that really takes me back, too.

00:16:56.440 It's old.

00:16:57.180 Nice old internet.

00:16:58.580 So here's your question.

00:16:59.560 In the year of our Lord, 2026,

00:17:02.820 is this racist?

00:17:06.140 Hmm.

00:17:07.000 I have to think what you're going to answer.

00:17:10.940 I said no.

00:17:11.820 Yeah, give me that point.

00:17:12.640 All right.

00:17:13.060 What do you mean no?

00:17:14.040 No, it's not.

00:17:14.900 Because truly that to me is the peak un-racist.

00:17:19.400 No, it's not.

00:17:20.000 When you get the Klansman and the black guy, it's not because.

00:17:24.360 But yeah, let's just be clear.

00:17:25.900 Yeah, I want to start with the Klansman.

00:17:27.080 When you have the Klansman calling a black guy Fat Albert and boy.

00:17:32.320 Boy.

00:17:32.680 And he's carrying a crucifix that he needs lighter fluid for.

00:17:38.120 Yeah, lighter, yeah.

00:17:39.280 No, because as I can tell, the 90s into the 2000s,

00:17:44.080 actually probably pretty much right up to Obama, there was no racism.

00:17:48.620 The racism was kind of over.

00:17:50.500 Starting, I would say, post-Rodney King, pre-Obama,

00:17:54.760 there was this period where race relations were as good as they've ever been.

00:17:58.840 and so the joke here

00:18:01.100 is that like a black guy

00:18:02.420 and a white guy

00:18:03.000 will be in this sketch

00:18:03.940 and it's totally fine

00:18:05.140 even that's supposed

00:18:06.300 to be kind of offensive

00:18:07.060 but it was all fun and games

00:18:08.300 whereas now

00:18:09.580 it got more real

00:18:12.400 I don't know

00:18:13.020 like it seems

00:18:13.640 it seems like all of the

00:18:14.980 really edgy accounts online

00:18:16.540 all the stuff they're posting

00:18:18.420 is like hey

00:18:19.000 hey

00:18:19.860 do you know about

00:18:20.920 IQs and stuff

00:18:22.660 and you're like

00:18:22.980 here we go

00:18:23.580 hey do you know about

00:18:24.380 do you know that in Somalia

00:18:25.660 the IQs

00:18:26.160 it's like yeah I know

00:18:26.760 I get what you're saying

00:18:27.660 that some black people

00:18:29.460 yeah I know what you're saying man

00:18:31.560 but they mean it really seriously

00:18:33.000 I think whereas there was this kind of

00:18:35.160 but is racist mean seriously?

00:18:38.540 yeah I think

00:18:39.120 to be a real racist

00:18:40.780 because things are racist that are funny

00:18:42.920 that's racist but it's also hilarious

00:18:44.900 and it's satire and it's absurd

00:18:46.760 because like Yosemite Sam

00:18:48.940 is absurd but he kind of

00:18:50.940 circles back around to funny because it's so

00:18:52.940 like

00:18:53.200 there's racism that

00:18:57.100 is terrible, and then there's some racism

00:18:59.140 that's just funny, like a racist joke,

00:19:01.080 but it's damn sure racist. Well, you have to

00:19:03.140 start with the premise that all stereotypes

00:19:05.080 are true. Every stereotype

00:19:07.020 is true. By definition, that's how it became

00:19:09.200 a stereotype. And so,

00:19:11.100 if you say,

00:19:13.200 I don't know, I can't think of a good example. I'm standing, of course, from a comedian.

00:19:15.480 I can't think of a good, like, funny example.

00:19:17.120 But if you were to make some stereotypical

00:19:19.060 observation about a black guy or a Mexican or whatever,

00:19:21.700 it's like, oh, you know, here we go, Jamal

00:19:23.260 over here, and your

00:19:25.320 pals about it,

00:19:27.100 I don't I think racism implies animosity, you know, I think it implies okay

00:19:32.500 So that's what you meant that that there's no animosity and yeah, not it's a really the opposite event. Whereas today

00:19:38.420 like

00:19:40.420 if you

00:19:42.220 If you make even the IQ thing or like, you know, hey cross the street when that guy's walking in the yeah

00:19:46.920 Yeah, you're gonna say it like this like, you know, right now that you know

00:19:50.740 13% of population commits 51% or whatever it is because we whisper when we do statistics. Yes

00:19:55.860 Yes, we do, we do.

00:19:57.720 The whispering does, I think, give away a little of the animosity.

00:20:01.640 So I think that, no, I think that was probably the least racist America ever was.

00:20:05.380 And it was downhill from there.

00:20:07.180 Yeah, I agree with that.

00:20:08.700 But I think that, like, I dabble in, like, in jokes.

00:20:13.800 Because I live in joke world, you know?

00:20:15.360 So, like, I'm just trying to have a good time and be playful.

00:20:17.780 But, like, that's why people go, that's sexist.

00:20:19.620 And you go, yeah, sexism's funny.

00:20:21.400 Yeah, right.

00:20:21.700 Like, it's bad to be sexist, but it can be funny.

00:20:24.360 And that's kind of the point is we're taking the light out of things.

00:20:28.100 So it's like, yes, racism is bad.

00:20:30.500 Don't be racist.

00:20:31.480 But it's funny.

00:20:32.800 And, like, we can use jokes and make light of it.

00:20:35.580 You can, there's a nice side of these things that you can use.

00:20:40.260 That could be the next special, the nice side of racism.

00:20:42.480 Yeah.

00:20:42.840 What do you think, to me, the case in point is that Chris Rock bit,

00:20:45.980 that famous Chris Rock bit from the 90s where he's like, you know,

00:20:48.920 I love black people, but I hate.

00:20:51.560 He's talking about.

00:20:52.500 What's the rest?

00:20:53.340 What's that word?

00:20:54.360 I don't know this bit.

00:20:57.460 Where's Kramer when you need him?

00:20:59.600 So he does this bit, and it's very, very famous.

00:21:02.980 He does it for years.

00:21:04.440 And then at some point, he stops doing it.

00:21:06.580 Right.

00:21:06.980 And he said he stopped doing it because the wrong kind of people were laughing a little too hard.

00:21:11.780 Interesting.

00:21:12.260 And when he did it in the 90s, it was all good.

00:21:15.380 Yeah.

00:21:15.740 But then it's not that the bit changed.

00:21:18.240 It's not that white people and black people changed, but the culture changed.

00:21:21.540 Yeah.

00:21:21.800 To the point that he was like, you know, all right, this is no longer, it doesn't land quite like it used to be.

00:21:26.720 Right, that's interesting.

00:21:27.900 The times kind of change around it.

00:21:29.760 Yeah, I just think that jokes are such a good thing for all that.

00:21:33.180 That's why it's weird that people get so mad at comics and me in general for making these things.

00:21:38.700 You're like, well, that's kind of the point.

00:21:40.860 People are going to hear these opinions.

00:21:43.020 They don't want to hear CNN talk about trans people.

00:21:45.900 They don't want to hear Fox News talk about trans people.

00:21:48.240 It's going to be considered so tumultuous and angry.

00:21:51.080 But, like, you'll go listen to a comic talk about it, you know, and be like, oh, I get that.

00:21:54.600 Like, you'll hear it if it's coming through a joke or a comedy club.

00:21:58.060 Right, right.

00:21:58.480 And that's kind of a fun, you know, thing for us.

00:22:02.280 Yeah, yeah, that's true.

00:22:04.520 So then I guess the follow-up would be, like, what's your least favorite race?

00:22:08.480 Good question.

00:22:12.420 I got to go with the Filipinos, I think.

00:22:16.480 That's, like, the nicest one.

00:22:17.820 I know, yeah, yeah.

00:22:18.340 it's just fresh in my brain because like theo von always is talking about the filipinos being

00:22:22.700 the best and i just go worst yeah no i don't have a worst i got a favorite mexicans my favorite

00:22:28.340 really why yeah their culture is the best they're very no i'm being sincere i go to mexico all the

00:22:34.040 time yeah the the mexicans have the best sense of humor right as far as they like they're never

00:22:39.660 complaining they're always working really hard they're always they'll do anything like as far

00:22:44.860 as like that nothing's above them or beneath them when it comes to like a job or a family

00:22:48.740 they always got a nice family family values they're very they like pro wrestling you know

00:22:54.220 they've always got a that's true they usually have two families one but they left behind

00:22:58.020 one in the states you know um i just i really value mexican culture i like it they seem to be

00:23:07.240 um grateful and happy and i really like that wow yeah you can go up to i'll give you an example

00:23:12.820 because I used to have a travel show on NBC.

00:23:14.080 We'd go to all these different countries.

00:23:15.560 You can go up to a bunch of strangers in Mexico

00:23:17.420 and be like, there you are, you pieces of shit.

00:23:19.740 Like, they're just happy.

00:23:21.040 They didn't even hear what you said.

00:23:22.800 You know, but try that in Russia.

00:23:24.380 Yeah.

00:23:24.860 If you go up to just some guy,

00:23:26.460 he's drinking vodka with oranges,

00:23:28.200 like, in a parking lot,

00:23:29.800 and he's calling pieces of shit,

00:23:30.880 they'll kill you.

00:23:31.480 Yeah, the northern peoples,

00:23:33.100 they are more alcoholic.

00:23:34.460 I think the most alcoholic country in the world is Iceland.

00:23:36.960 Icelanders are great people,

00:23:37.940 but they're very kind of dark, ironic, alcoholic.

00:23:42.140 And, yeah, maybe those southern people.

00:23:44.200 They've got that kind of, like, everybody's sullen kind of commie look.

00:23:48.680 Jaded.

00:23:49.120 Yeah, like an 80s villain.

00:23:52.000 But I think Mexican culture is very light.

00:23:54.360 It's very, like, even just going into a restaurant.

00:23:58.140 You're a tourist, right, which every country somehow now hates tourists for some reason.

00:24:02.680 But I don't know why that's a trend.

00:24:03.960 Give us too much money.

00:24:04.680 Yeah, I don't know.

00:24:05.300 I hate that they come here and love what we do and give us money.

00:24:07.880 But that's the new thing is to hate tourists, but not in Mexico.

00:24:10.460 They're like, how are you guys?

00:24:11.500 And like, there's a good morning.

00:24:12.780 And yeah, I remember like one time I drank too much, which is why I'm clean now.

00:24:17.040 But I just woke up on the ground in Mexico with like a sore jaws.

00:24:21.420 Like I must have said something and someone punched me, you know.

00:24:23.760 And so I just wake up in the gravel and I was just like, whatever.

00:24:26.720 And this dude coming from a resort that worked at the resort goes, hola, amigo.

00:24:30.580 And I was like, hello, friend.

00:24:33.840 He just saw some loser that got knocked out the night before who's clearly got a drinking problem.

00:24:39.040 and he's working at a resort

00:24:40.760 and he saw me and thought,

00:24:42.780 hello, friend.

00:24:43.500 Like, that's, like, so nice.

00:24:44.960 That's nice.

00:24:45.540 They're the best race.

00:24:46.280 All right, because I previously hated Mexicans.

00:24:48.500 But you're convincing me.

00:24:49.620 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:24:50.200 All right.

00:24:50.600 Comedy wins.

00:24:51.160 Okay, all right.

00:24:52.680 If you had to choose a struggle

00:24:54.640 between being Spanish, French-Canadian,

00:24:58.700 German, and of Jewish descent,

00:25:01.840 would being Canadian be the heaviest burden?

00:25:05.660 Funny question.

00:25:06.780 If you had to choose,

00:25:07.440 I know I'm trying to figure out what it means.

00:25:09.040 If you had to choose a struggle, a conf, as some have called it, between the Spaniards, the French Canadians, the Germans, and the Jews, do the Canadians have it the worst?

00:25:20.280 Well, this is more of a joke than a question, isn't it?

00:25:24.380 So now, hold on. You've got to put your answer. I'll guess your answer.

00:25:27.400 All right, ready?

00:25:29.640 According to Wikipedia, the Canadians have the heaviest burden.

00:25:35.500 If you had to choose it, it would be a good cigar, by the way.

00:25:38.260 thank you thanks i appreciate that how often do you smoke cigars on this i very rarely actually

00:25:43.220 on this show nice this but when you came in you said oh i wish we were having a cigar i was like

00:25:48.180 cigars i know go to the humidor immediately one time i had a meeting here and uh and and i asked

00:25:53.940 if i could meet you and i went into your thing and you were just in the middle of working or

00:25:57.460 something i was like hey i'm like walking around hey what is this like i was touching everything

00:26:02.260 and it's like i'm really into cigars and you're like all right i can tell you like i'm dude who

00:26:05.620 Who is this guy that's wandering?

00:26:07.720 But I remember thinking, I'll smoke a cigar with this guy.

00:26:10.220 Another solicitation for cigars coming by.

00:26:13.220 Yeah, yeah, I'm glad.

00:26:14.220 We got some extra.

00:26:15.120 But we did it.

00:26:15.820 Yeah, we're smoking cigars.

00:26:17.220 OK.

00:26:20.620 What do you think I wrote to this verbal nonsense?

00:26:26.520 This plithy display of words.

00:26:29.220 OK, I say yes.

00:26:32.520 Nope.

00:26:34.220 Point, Jeff.

00:26:35.020 Who is it? The Jews?

00:26:36.320 No, French Canadians.

00:26:37.880 French Canadians.

00:26:38.680 And you know what it is?

00:26:42.080 Everything in my life is valued by kindness.

00:26:45.020 You can make whatever joke.

00:26:46.560 You can do whatever you'd like, really.

00:26:48.460 You could have terrible values.

00:26:50.460 But if you're kind, that's what I like.

00:26:52.840 I like nice, kind people.

00:26:55.060 And so that's why I like the Mexicans,

00:26:56.320 as I was saying earlier.

00:26:58.020 But French Canadians are...

00:26:59.720 They're so mad all the time.

00:27:02.400 I'm always trying to cheer them up the whole time I'm there.

00:27:04.440 I'm like, what's your problem?

00:27:05.400 And they're like, no, no, no.

00:27:06.640 Like, they're just always, they hate Americans.

00:27:08.860 They hate, I don't know.

00:27:10.160 Everything.

00:27:10.680 They hate Canada.

00:27:11.580 Yeah.

00:27:11.920 So they, that's the greatest.

00:27:15.220 Oh, so the Canadians don't have, well, hold on.

00:27:17.140 But it's the heaviest burden.

00:27:18.740 Like, they're the most put upon people.

00:27:20.460 The French Canadians behave like the most put upon people, but they're not really.

00:27:23.680 No, they're not.

00:27:23.960 They have a silly little province and a silly country.

00:27:26.140 Right, they're safe because of us.

00:27:27.800 Yeah.

00:27:28.560 Yeah.

00:27:29.080 So that's, it's sort of like.

00:27:30.300 These Canadians, somebody's got to put them in check.

00:27:32.100 My argument.

00:27:33.820 We could take over that place in, I don't know, 30 minutes.

00:27:36.800 You want us to come get it, Canada?

00:27:38.900 Hold on.

00:27:39.320 Tighten up.

00:27:40.020 I'm getting another interruption in my ear.

00:27:41.620 Davies says that's not what I mean by the question.

00:27:43.420 What do you mean?

00:27:44.040 You want to pull up a chair, Mr. Davies, to explain your question?

00:27:46.260 Yeah, who is this creep?

00:27:48.100 Bring him out here.

00:27:48.860 According to Wikipedia, he says.

00:27:50.060 The old Wizard of Oz is going, that's not what I meant.

00:27:53.820 He's like, pay no attention, eh?

00:27:56.440 Okay, according to Wikipedia, what?

00:27:58.440 Oh, so he says, so Davies, who didn't write any of this in the question,

00:28:03.300 He says, you.

00:28:04.680 Oh, me.

00:28:05.260 You are Spanish, French, Canadian, German, and Jewish.

00:28:07.680 Dude, it's hilarious that I read all those

00:28:09.720 and didn't even put that together.

00:28:12.680 That's wild.

00:28:13.660 This falls on me.

00:28:16.160 I didn't even know.

00:28:17.320 I just see myself as a white guy

00:28:18.800 and didn't even think about where my parents are from.

00:28:22.420 Yeah, wow.

00:28:22.580 Okay, fair enough.

00:28:23.540 But don't edit this out.

00:28:24.480 I think all that was fun.

00:28:25.840 Which of you.

00:28:26.340 Okay, that was my fault.

00:28:28.680 Which of all of those, which do you most identify with?

00:28:31.300 Oh, that's hilarious.

00:28:32.120 none of them really no because my mom does genealogy so she's and if you don't know what

00:28:37.840 genealogy is it's she just finds everything your whole all your family tree and it becomes so

00:28:44.420 uninteresting yeah yeah you know like it sounds interesting and then your mom's like did you know

00:28:49.380 that your great great great great great grandfather worked in a store there's no one famous no one

00:28:58.720 gives the whole family tree is a joke and so the truth is we're just super like american at this

00:29:06.980 point and like even that lineage of french canadian and spanish and jewish and german

00:29:11.200 goes so far back yeah that i don't really link any of it at all and also like my mom she's always

00:29:18.260 finding new information now that the internet is growing so rapidly they're like i'm not even sure

00:29:22.460 how jewish we are yeah you know like it's like we you know but being jewish is somehow this like

00:29:27.440 starlet thing in Hollywood, so like when she

00:29:29.600 said it, I go, am I Jew? Yeah, did you

00:29:31.780 Whoopi Goldberg it, like pretend to be Jewish?

00:29:33.760 No, never. Never. No, never.

00:29:35.800 Hi, Jeffrey Diber. Yeah, because it's

00:29:37.620 so not anything. We don't celebrate

00:29:39.820 none of it. I think my mom just mentioned

00:29:41.740 it. It's like so far back that, you know.

00:29:43.760 Jeffrey Goldblum Diber, nice to meet you.

00:29:46.140 Wait, I get to go to Israel for free?

00:29:47.980 Yeah, I'm one. I'm one.

00:29:49.420 Yeah, the other thing about

00:29:51.480 the genealogy stuff is if you

00:29:53.360 get the websites or the apps

00:29:55.380 like Ancestry.com

00:29:56.520 it'll say

00:29:57.600 you'll like do it

00:29:58.340 because a bunch of people

00:29:58.920 just add their trees to it

00:30:00.080 it'll say like

00:30:00.760 you're descended

00:30:01.660 from Henry VIII

00:30:02.620 and Genghis Khan

00:30:03.480 oh yeah

00:30:03.800 eventually

00:30:04.420 and it's like

00:30:05.700 I emailed

00:30:06.740 this is embarrassing

00:30:07.780 I emailed the College of Arms

00:30:09.060 in the UK

00:30:09.460 to see if I could use

00:30:10.480 the Knowles Crest

00:30:11.360 because I was descended

00:30:12.320 from this guy

00:30:13.000 Sir Francis Knowles

00:30:13.840 who was the keeper

00:30:14.840 of the privy purse

00:30:15.400 and I emailed them

00:30:16.320 and I was like

00:30:16.500 I just found this out

00:30:17.620 and then they responded to me

00:30:19.460 and they were like

00:30:19.800 actually no you're not

00:30:21.140 you're not

00:30:22.100 you made that up

00:30:22.760 that's not

00:30:23.360 he was like

00:30:23.840 all those websites are bogus

00:30:25.160 and it's not true and you don't get to use

00:30:27.660 the arms. Isn't it weird?

00:30:29.480 First of all, that sucks that that happened to you. I'm sorry.

00:30:31.540 Thank you.

00:30:33.000 But also, isn't it crazy that we live

00:30:35.520 in the most conspiracy

00:30:36.780 obsessed world, right?

00:30:39.280 The internet has really turned us on to all these things

00:30:41.320 where we're going, oh, did you know maybe this?

00:30:43.260 These people are lizard people and, you know,

00:30:45.180 this is all, everyone's freaking the heck out.

00:30:47.420 But then we're so comfortable

00:30:48.680 just sending our DNA to some

00:30:51.240 warehouse. Where am I

00:30:53.340 from. They're just racking up everyone's DNA in these buildings. They can frame you for

00:30:59.620 any crime, any time, any place. Or just make another one of you. Yeah. Well, I'm not worried

00:31:03.660 about another Jeff, but I'm worried about them sprinkling it on some girl that's missing

00:31:07.600 and going, hey, his DNA is all over this chick, and I don't even know that lady. That's what

00:31:13.080 I'm afraid of. That's a very specific example. Hold on. Well, it's making a murderer. When

00:31:18.060 And they found that Steve and Avery, like, they found that they had punctured the samples from his prison DNA.

00:31:25.040 Really?

00:31:25.520 Yeah.

00:31:25.920 So, like, they found blood on the girl's car.

00:31:29.060 And they're like, well, his DNA was on it.

00:31:30.740 But then they went to the prison and somebody had tampered with all of his blood samples from the prison.

00:31:37.720 This is going to be what the cops point to when you get arrested for killing that lady.

00:31:43.900 and you'll say, no, but my defense is

00:31:46.900 I talked about how I definitely didn't do that

00:31:49.360 on Michael's show, so therefore...

00:31:51.340 This clears me.

00:31:51.880 I'm innocent.

00:31:52.540 Yeah, okay.

00:31:54.260 You're up, and I'm clearing my answer, okay?

00:31:56.440 All right.

00:31:57.540 Of course, and also apologies

00:31:59.280 to the Wizard of Oz on the last question.

00:32:02.100 You made a good question,

00:32:03.260 and we all ran him over the coals.

00:32:05.320 We did.

00:32:06.360 Increasingly, of all the conspiracy theories

00:32:08.540 about strange humanoid beings,

00:32:11.160 aliens, Kandahar giants,

00:32:13.900 Bigfoot. Is Bigfoot now

00:32:16.060 actually the most ridiculous?

00:32:19.200 And I have to say

00:32:20.140 what you're going to think. Yeah.

00:32:24.480 Correct. You got that right.

00:32:26.520 Nice. Did you...

00:32:27.960 Because there's way more absurd ones than Sasquatch.

00:32:30.700 Yeah. Also, there were...

00:32:32.500 You'd have to be... You're way too

00:32:33.980 smart to think that that's the most absurd.

00:32:36.180 Thank you. There were

00:32:37.980 just reports of Bigfoot.

00:32:40.360 Like, again, that's

00:32:42.060 probably not real, but...

00:32:43.900 What's the craziest one? Well, actually before we just mull over that that's ridiculous

00:32:49.000 There's always reports all the time just because it made it to Yahoo News

00:32:54.220 Doesn't mean that you know, they just had a few reports in Ohio. Yes

00:32:57.880 Every day people are seeing bipedal hominids in the woods

00:33:02.680 Also monkeys that walk upright isn't that absurd especially if they're nocturnal

00:33:08.020 Yeah living in the woods. I think there's thousands of them

00:33:11.480 It's just a descendant of Gigantopithecus when the Asian land was like, I think they migrated over here.

00:33:18.940 These are just descendants of Gigantopithecus.

00:33:21.260 So you're totally Bigfoot-filled. Bigfoot's real.

00:33:23.640 Yes, and also I'm happy to talk about Bigfoot with anyone who thinks it's real or not real if they've done any homework.

00:33:30.420 That's the problem is people go, oh, that's all made up.

00:33:32.680 And I go, but you don't know f*** about it.

00:33:34.300 Yeah.

00:33:34.880 You've not read a single thing.

00:33:36.820 Yeah.

00:33:37.060 You've not looked into it.

00:33:38.520 You've never asked Indians or loggers or people that are out in the woods all the time.

00:33:44.180 You don't ask any of these guys that are out there.

00:33:47.220 It's wildly likely that there's creatures in our caves that we don't know about,

00:33:52.540 that there's hominids or primates that we just haven't discovered.

00:33:56.740 We have people we haven't discovered yet.

00:33:58.760 And yet we think that, like, oh, Bigfoot's not real.

00:34:01.460 It's like, you live in Sherman Oaks.

00:34:02.780 What the hell do you know about Bigfoot?

00:34:04.740 So it's always people that know nothing about it who want to tell me that it's fake.

00:34:08.520 Yeah, they're a weird multicolor light-up fish at the bottom of the ocean that we just discovered like six minutes ago.

00:34:14.200 Well, you know, pandas, people in China are going, yeah, we're seeing these black and white bears,

00:34:17.820 and everyone's like, you guys are idiots.

00:34:19.300 And like, so pandas were just considered like nonsense until not that long ago.

00:34:23.780 And then even gorillas was like 1890 or something, which is a long time ago.

00:34:28.740 But that means all the way up until 1890, people were like, oh, sure, there's a giant human-looking thing with muscles.

00:34:36.240 And you're like, and now what's going to happen is Bigfoot's going to get discovered or killed

00:34:39.880 or put in a zoo, and everyone's going to go, oh, yeah, we knew.

00:34:44.080 What do you mean?

00:34:44.940 You're calling me crazy forever.

00:34:46.880 Yeah, they're going to gaslight you.

00:34:48.180 Are you, where do you stand on aliens?

00:34:50.880 Oh, aliens are definitely real.

00:34:52.060 They're real.

00:34:52.620 I think they're totally real.

00:34:53.780 I think they're here.

00:34:54.820 I think they've been here.

00:34:55.740 I think there's lots of different types of aliens.

00:34:57.920 Do you think they're, okay, because I think if it's a real thing that people are seeing,

00:35:03.020 I think it's probably demons.

00:35:04.900 They're not physical beings, spiritual beings.

00:35:09.180 Are you, you think they're physical, little gray men?

00:35:13.320 I don't know much about it.

00:35:14.480 No, that's the thing.

00:35:15.320 My favorite thing about conspiracies is not pretending to know the answer,

00:35:18.340 but just knowing that there's a possibility of it being, you know what I'm saying?

00:35:21.160 Like, I don't know that 9-11 was an inside job.

00:35:25.080 I just know that what they're telling us isn't true.

00:35:27.940 But that doesn't mean I pretend I know what's real.

00:35:29.800 You know who I think was behind it?

00:35:30.760 It's just when you show me a thing and we can prove that it's not,

00:35:32.840 I go, well, that's bullsh**.

00:35:33.800 And then the news might have lied about that.

00:35:35.600 It doesn't mean I think there's some coup or that America did it or anything.

00:35:39.420 I just know that like some of the things they're telling us happened aren't true.

00:35:43.000 That's all.

00:35:43.420 You know, I think so we're talking about your ancestry and everything.

00:35:46.040 Yeah.

00:35:46.520 And because some people said, oh, it was the Taliban was harboring these people who came from Saudi Arabia.

00:35:51.300 And there were 19 hijackers who.

00:35:53.640 But speaking of your ancestry, no one ever talks about the French Canadians.

00:35:58.280 That's right, dude.

00:35:59.160 No one ever points.

00:35:59.940 They were right here.

00:36:01.820 Yeah.

00:36:02.800 No, we know how we know it wasn't the French Canadians. Oh wow, because that would just be us

00:36:08.580 Canada is like a woman, you know mmm Canada's like keep us safe keep us safe

00:36:13.560 And then you're like are we together?

00:36:18.300 Can't keep talking about America when we've been keeping them safe forever. Yeah, how about a little gratitude and you know

00:36:24.440 Like they talk so much trash about us. I'm like we love Canada. Yeah, we we love them. We keep them safe

00:36:30.400 Like, I don't understand.

00:36:31.120 They're like, oh, Xi Jinping, it's so nice.

00:36:33.460 Wow, thanks for looking at me.

00:36:34.920 They just did it.

00:36:35.620 It was like three weeks ago.

00:36:36.520 I hate it.

00:36:37.040 They're looking over at China.

00:36:38.580 Yeah, well, like I said, it'll take us 30 minutes,

00:36:41.680 and all my Canadian friends are going to be like,

00:36:43.080 dang it, we shouldn't have talked all that trash.

00:36:44.680 Yeah.

00:36:45.180 Yeah, we're going and liberating Tim Hortons.

00:36:48.180 Abortion happens fast, folks.

00:36:49.560 Speaking of death, right now, in towns and cities across the country,

00:36:52.820 women, that was an amazing transition.

00:36:55.380 Talking about women.

00:36:56.020 In your opinion.

00:36:58.460 Some say.

00:36:59.380 You said, what an amazing transition.

00:37:00.960 I go, I was a little jarred by it.

00:37:05.040 This is a serious topic.

00:37:06.320 Women are being pushed to make life-changing decisions in moments of fear and confusion.

00:37:10.280 Many of them feel trapped, like there's no real choice at all.

00:37:12.860 But because of people like you, there is.

00:37:14.940 At our sponsor, Preborn Network Clinics, a woman is met not with pressure or judgment,

00:37:19.880 but with compassion, the kind that gives her room to breathe.

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00:37:26.420 and real support to help her say yes to like.

00:37:28.600 This organization is phenomenal. I personally support it. You should give whatever you can.

00:37:33.080 They fundraise for their administrative costs separately. So every dollar you give goes to

00:37:37.480 saving babies. When a woman sees that baby on the ultrasound screen, it more than 80% of the time

00:37:42.540 leads her to choose life. So it's a great way. It's a great ROI. This March, Preborn is hoping

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00:38:00.140 code Knowles, K-N-O-W-L-E-S. That is preborn.com slash Knowles. Or if you are more digitally

00:38:05.660 inclined, like your finger digits, type in pound 250. You say keyword baby. However you like to

00:38:11.360 do it, preborn.com slash Knowles. It's not just a product. I'm a customer.

00:38:17.820 Yeah, are you? When you were a little baby. I keep getting this ultrasound. They said men

00:38:22.200 can have babies, and I got nothing.

00:38:25.180 Sir, that is actually

00:38:26.500 a club sub for Jersey Mike's.

00:38:28.580 Yeah, this is not a baby,

00:38:30.620 Jeff. You don't have to keep coming in here.

00:38:32.760 You're a guy.

00:38:34.480 Oh, so conservative.

00:38:36.200 That's fine. Here's another 28 bucks.

00:38:38.440 Give me my ultrasound. Didn't know my hospital was

00:38:40.340 so Republican.

00:38:42.840 This is Chipotle again.

00:38:45.660 I want

00:38:46.460 a baby.

00:38:48.440 Are you ready for the

00:38:50.340 rapid fire round.

00:38:52.000 Let's do it.

00:38:53.240 Three questions,

00:38:54.040 30 seconds.

00:38:54.840 No time to outthink

00:38:56.080 each other.

00:38:57.100 The score,

00:38:57.620 wow.

00:38:58.540 Score right now

00:38:59.160 is tied.

00:38:59.920 We're both at

00:39:00.360 negative one.

00:39:01.860 That means neither of us

00:39:02.720 are going to Iran.

00:39:04.060 Iran,

00:39:04.800 Iran,

00:39:05.200 what is it?

00:39:05.820 I,

00:39:06.420 very.

00:39:07.220 It's Iranian,

00:39:07.960 but it's Iran.

00:39:09.640 Yeah.

00:39:10.260 So that's a fun,

00:39:11.360 weird phonetic thing.

00:39:12.540 I change it

00:39:13.900 based on how American

00:39:15.460 I want to sound.

00:39:16.320 That's interesting.

00:39:17.140 Remember Obama

00:39:18.040 really shifted.

00:39:18.760 It was Iran,

00:39:19.600 Pakistan.

00:39:20.340 You did that whole thing.

00:39:22.000 And so then we reflexively, on the right, shifted to Iran or whatever.

00:39:26.100 I go back and forth.

00:39:26.840 I'm smug about that stuff.

00:39:27.980 Like when a girl will be telling a sentence about it, she'll be like,

00:39:31.740 oh, and my, she's like Hispanic, and she's like,

00:39:34.200 my grandma makes the best tortas.

00:39:36.500 And you go, why did you say tortas like that?

00:39:38.760 Like she'll say just tortas in the Spanish dialect.

00:39:42.460 Yeah, I hate that.

00:39:43.160 And it's like, so I think if you're saying the whole sentence in English,

00:39:46.160 you should be like, my grandmother makes the best tortas.

00:39:48.560 Yes.

00:39:48.820 But if you're saying it in Spanish, then definitely hit all those things.

00:39:52.900 Yeah, no, when I do, they'll yell at me sometimes on the show and say, actually, it's Pakistan or whatever.

00:39:57.280 Actually, it's paella or whatever.

00:39:59.500 I speak English.

00:40:00.260 Yes, I think, I go to an Italian restaurant.

00:40:01.880 I'm an Italian extraction.

00:40:03.220 I go to an Italian restaurant.

00:40:04.800 I don't sit there and say, you know what?

00:40:06.920 I would like a glass of iced tea and I would like a plate of the spaghetti alla carbonara.

00:40:14.220 They'd be insulting.

00:40:16.160 Yeah, you don't do that.

00:40:17.280 It's very silly.

00:40:17.840 Yeah, but what's your funny, like you don't do all the things for, like, wine?

00:40:23.620 You know, that's annoying.

00:40:24.500 You can't do that, no.

00:40:25.560 I don't like it.

00:40:26.080 No, I do, though, when I go to laundromats.

00:40:28.040 His example is better.

00:40:31.080 When I go to laundromats, I do speak the only Chinese I know.

00:40:33.840 They probably hate that.

00:40:35.300 And my grandma taught it to me when I was a little boy.

00:40:37.540 Oh, really?

00:40:38.200 And it is, of course, no tiki, no washi.

00:40:42.180 You ever learned that when you were a kid?

00:40:43.740 I don't think that's Chinese at all.

00:40:45.520 Cantonese, I think it is.

00:40:46.380 Okay, ready, here we go.

00:40:47.560 Yep.

00:40:47.840 Are eggs meat?

00:40:53.300 Correct.

00:40:54.140 Yeah.

00:40:54.820 Davey's once asked me during Lent, he says, I said I had eggs for breakfast on a Friday.

00:40:59.600 He said, is eggs not meat?

00:41:01.520 That was the direct quote.

00:41:02.480 Is eggs not meat?

00:41:03.580 That's a very arrogant way to ask that.

00:41:06.120 Yeah.

00:41:07.120 No, they're not.

00:41:08.680 It's not fertilized, dummy.

00:41:11.020 Thank you.

00:41:11.800 Yeah.

00:41:12.140 I'm going to take that clip out and just text it to me.

00:41:14.300 Is anything worth stealing, worth stealing twice?

00:41:17.840 oh you got it wrong answer oh i got it wrong that was your answer did you put your answer

00:41:27.580 or my answer i put my answer yeah okay all right you say no shoot i'm gonna have to yeah because

00:41:31.300 i don't think people should steal anything ever once twice 20 times well yes thieves are pieces

00:41:36.680 so i initially just went to know i think it's the lowliest crime i think we should cut people's

00:41:43.080 hands off when they steal they used to do that they should you know where else they stole you're

00:41:47.300 You're the scum of the earth when you steal.

00:41:49.920 And it starts small, you steal like candy,

00:41:52.540 and you think, oh, you know,

00:41:53.820 oh, I'm only stealing this because it's gross.

00:41:57.260 And you can teach people about ethics

00:41:58.800 real easy with thief.

00:42:00.680 Is it the worst crime?

00:42:02.480 No, but it's just like this scumbaggery kind of thing.

00:42:05.540 It's like a little rape just taking someone's thing.

00:42:07.780 Yeah, a little rape.

00:42:09.300 It is.

00:42:10.140 They call an orgasm the little death.

00:42:11.480 It feels so like intrusive,

00:42:15.700 Like someone's rummaging through your things

00:42:17.780 and they took your stuff.

00:42:19.080 And yeah, and it's so grubby

00:42:20.080 because they're only focused on a material good.

00:42:22.940 They just want stuff.

00:42:24.380 You just take it from someone?

00:42:25.520 Like obviously, you know, there's levels of it,

00:42:28.160 but I think it's the worst.

00:42:29.300 Yeah, okay, all right.

00:42:30.400 I might.

00:42:32.660 Yeah, sorry, Davey's still wants to have a conversation.

00:42:34.820 You can make time with my assistant

00:42:37.100 if you want to have a meeting with me afterward,

00:42:39.280 but right now I'm speaking to my friend Jeff Dye, okay?

00:42:41.960 So can we, can I continue?

00:42:43.060 I love the dynamics of the place around you.

00:42:44.580 It's just unbelievable.

00:42:45.700 I was really clocking the hair and makeup, the dynamic between those gals.

00:42:52.220 It's my favorite.

00:42:53.400 That's the highlight of my day.

00:42:54.820 Then I get thrown in with my producer.

00:42:56.860 This is a real rapid-fire rant.

00:42:59.220 Last question.

00:43:00.420 Is gatekeeping men's spaces and hobbies from women necessary to preserve them?

00:43:08.500 Yeah, certainly.

00:43:09.660 yes you have to it's not in there's some people say well you know and women can have their own

00:43:16.200 cigar club or whatever but i think no the whole point you need if you want to have a space just

00:43:22.340 for one group you have to exclude sure people you gotta say no sometimes yeah i think and also i

00:43:28.700 think there's nothing wrong with men's spaces there's nothing wrong with women's spaces yeah

00:43:33.260 that's healthy yeah like i don't understand like uh you know people talk about like men's sport

00:43:38.260 It's men's sports.

00:43:40.220 Yeah.

00:43:41.040 Sorry.

00:43:41.900 That's a men's space.

00:43:43.940 No, they won't let us in the locker room to interview the boys.

00:43:46.260 Yeah, well, this is a men's space.

00:43:47.980 Yeah.

00:43:48.380 Stupid.

00:43:49.180 Yeah.

00:43:49.380 You don't go, oh, man, I can't interview the girls while they're showering.

00:43:53.040 No.

00:43:54.580 Yeah.

00:43:54.760 Well, I got to get the best beat on Angel Reese's seven-point game, you know?

00:44:00.760 It's okay to have girl things and guy things.

00:44:03.740 Yeah.

00:44:03.900 Don't be a jerk about it.

00:44:05.060 It's fine.

00:44:05.300 And it's like you join the country club and it's like, look, this is a whites only space.

00:44:09.640 That's where we get carried away.

00:44:11.940 But like men and women's space is like, that's just totally normal.

00:44:15.240 Yeah.

00:44:15.540 Like, like I go to the cigar lounge by my house and I listen to these men complain about their wives and kids, which they love.

00:44:23.100 Yeah.

00:44:23.480 They love their wives and kids.

00:44:25.260 They just need a place to kind of go get it off their chest.

00:44:29.340 They don't mean it.

00:44:30.360 They just want to go, hey, you know, my wife bought a blender that's $500.

00:44:34.760 They don't really care.

00:44:37.080 Yeah.

00:44:37.400 But they just want a guy to go, yeah, my wife, don't get me started.

00:44:41.260 And then they go home to their wives and kids who they love.

00:44:43.240 Yes.

00:44:43.620 And I imagine women are doing that also.

00:44:45.460 Like my husband's being annoying and there's like some space for that.

00:44:49.300 That's very healthy.

00:44:50.660 You need to because I know I remember I was watching you do a whole bit on this.

00:44:54.760 And I was like, that's so true.

00:44:56.320 Where I, a little confession here, I get very sappy with my wife and kids.

00:45:00.660 I'm a real softie.

00:45:01.700 You're nice.

00:45:02.280 Yeah.

00:45:02.620 Thank you.

00:45:03.260 But you do need

00:45:05.640 To be able to be like

00:45:07.360 You know, let me tell you

00:45:08.920 The old ball and chain

00:45:10.540 Yeah, it's just healthy

00:45:11.560 Well, I mean, we think about my dog

00:45:14.000 He couldn't be more perfect

00:45:16.220 But I'm still like, I gotta take this thing out

00:45:18.420 To pick it up

00:45:19.860 In a bag, you know

00:45:21.600 But it doesn't mean I don't like my dog

00:45:23.200 Same thing with kids

00:45:24.220 And I don't want to say that in front of my dog

00:45:26.400 And I don't want to say it in front of your wife

00:45:28.580 I think those are comparable

00:45:29.800 People we love

00:45:32.060 And the other sad thing, too, it's kind of like the monkey in the boxing match.

00:45:36.240 The dog's probably not even going to notice.

00:45:38.660 See, you're going to feel bad.

00:45:39.620 He's going to hear him talking smack about it.

00:45:41.180 He can feel that energy.

00:45:43.100 All right, you're up.

00:45:45.700 Hold on.

00:45:46.220 Mr. Davies wants to talk again.

00:45:47.540 Please.

00:45:48.080 Please tell me this is the yes or no game with Mr. Davies.

00:45:50.120 Please.

00:45:52.460 Only you can hear him, so you sound like you're going crazy.

00:45:54.680 Wait, hold on.

00:45:54.980 He's bringing something up about rape.

00:45:56.540 Wait, what?

00:45:57.160 Oh, doctor.

00:45:59.060 Is that another ad rage?

00:46:00.920 Did you rape the jersey?

00:46:02.540 Mr. Davies wants to know, because this is his show now, I guess.

00:46:04.800 Yeah.

00:46:05.100 He wants to know, did you rape the jersey that you stole twice?

00:46:09.560 Oh, yeah, yeah.

00:46:10.560 Well, that was more of a funny gag.

00:46:14.200 See, everything gets dismissed when it's a joke in my life, you know?

00:46:17.220 Whenever I do something, I'm like, I was playing around, you know?

00:46:20.620 Yeah, that was more, I guess, yeah, yeah.

00:46:24.520 But wasn't it gross, you know, when I stole that jersey?

00:46:27.460 Yeah, that'd be a great gag, like, when you get in the boxing room with the monkey.

00:46:30.180 and you just kill the mugging

00:46:31.420 and you're just like,

00:46:32.140 ah!

00:46:32.600 What a game!

00:46:33.860 Isn't this funny?

00:46:34.740 What a game!

00:46:36.380 All right.

00:46:37.340 Could AI eventually replace

00:46:39.200 stand-up comedians entirely?

00:46:42.200 And that's a...

00:46:43.500 We do that one?

00:46:44.820 Ask him.

00:46:45.400 That's my answer.

00:46:48.560 I think you think.

00:46:51.960 I'm hoping.

00:46:53.060 Yeah, no, it cannot.

00:46:54.260 Yeah, good, good, good.

00:46:55.620 No, it can't.

00:46:56.800 Really, I don't even think

00:46:58.400 specials could

00:46:59.800 replace the actual

00:47:01.360 club work of comedians

00:47:02.560 because it's so

00:47:03.440 interpersonal

00:47:04.100 it actually

00:47:05.140 even if you're not

00:47:07.000 Don Rickles or something

00:47:07.880 well you do it

00:47:08.340 you do crowd work

00:47:08.960 it's like the

00:47:09.800 you actually

00:47:11.280 the comedy does come

00:47:12.740 from an interplay

00:47:13.380 of the real people

00:47:14.200 sure it's a dialogue

00:47:15.200 which people don't think

00:47:16.180 it is but it is

00:47:16.960 also

00:47:17.740 comedy's too tricky

00:47:21.680 you know you're playing

00:47:22.920 with too many

00:47:23.760 nuanced things

00:47:25.540 mixed with like

00:47:26.540 you're saying a thing

00:47:28.380 that like it'd be we don't ever do that with the bible right like jesus goes uh you know forgive

00:47:33.800 your enemies and we don't go but we don't know how he said it you know maybe he maybe he was like oh

00:47:38.660 forgive your enemies you know like you don't there's too many different ways to say a thing

00:47:43.040 that i don't think ai is smart enough to be able to uh figure out the other the other thing it's

00:47:50.400 the same reason ai can't really write a poem is to to do comedy you have to create a fresh image

00:47:57.180 in people's minds, like not a dead metaphor, not a cliche. It has to startle people by its

00:48:01.960 incongruity or its absurdity or something like that. So it has to be a sincerely new metaphor

00:48:07.980 a lot of the time. And AI actually can't do that because an AI is only trained on language that

00:48:14.920 exists, so dead metaphors, and it has no sensory experience, so it can't really make those new

00:48:19.300 connections. It would have to steal some stuff that's already out there. That's all AI is a big

00:48:23.400 search engine right it just is like how it's accumulating all the things that are already out

00:48:27.960 there and then it's a search in it right and a rape it's a thief and a rapist yeah okay uh there's

00:48:34.280 a bunch of stuff on here do i keep asking anyone's on here okay uh is podcasting just therapy for men

00:48:40.520 who won't go to therapy what do i think you'll say

00:48:45.900 you got it wrong it's not as close there's some confession is therapy for men who won't go to

00:48:53.020 therapy and it's good. I highly recommend confession, but no, you know what's even said

00:48:57.580 or podcasting is, uh, it's, it's often a social life for men who increasingly don't have social

00:49:06.840 lives. Sure. Women still to some degree, which is weird because women don't have deep friendships

00:49:10.560 and men do, but women still do social things. They go out and see people. Whereas men increasingly

00:49:15.760 do not. And I mean this both for the podcaster and the podcast D people who listen to them,

00:49:20.860 But every, at least every white man in America now legally has to have a podcast.

00:49:24.980 So they're actually the same group of people.

00:49:26.960 And they, so it's this, it is social in a certain sense, but it's kind of one step removed.

00:49:34.160 It's almost parasocial.

00:49:35.340 It's not, so you replace your, like you'd go hang out with the guys, you go to the cigar club, whatever.

00:49:39.800 You replace it with, like, I feel like I am friends with a lot of people because I listen to their podcasts.

00:49:45.840 Yeah.

00:49:46.780 And often I haven't even met them.

00:49:49.380 Yeah.

00:49:49.580 I speak to them.

00:49:50.200 Right.

00:49:50.860 I think therapy, I think podcasting, at least my podcast, is therapy for sure.

00:49:56.500 For me.

00:49:57.780 Because to steal from the great Jordan Peterson, to talk is to think.

00:50:04.000 Do you do a Jordan Peterson impression?

00:50:05.460 No, but I respect him too much.

00:50:07.420 I actually get mad when people do an impression.

00:50:10.080 Yeah, because I like him so much that I got to stop making him sound.

00:50:16.020 It'd be like I just love him too much to receive any good impression of him.

00:50:20.860 I don't have a good sense of humor about it.

00:50:23.200 You know, so that's all it is.

00:50:24.320 Those impressions are hilarious, and he does kind of sound like Kermit and all that.

00:50:28.080 Someday we'll find it, the Rainbow Connection.

00:50:30.340 Yeah, but it'd be like if I'm like, hey, check out this impression of your wife.

00:50:35.260 And you'd go, hey, Jeff, that's not really funny to me.

00:50:38.460 I love my wife.

00:50:39.940 That's how I feel about Jordan Peterson.

00:50:41.560 I'm like, yeah, I get it, but knock it off.

00:50:43.780 The guy changed my life.

00:50:45.660 But Jordan talks about, I don't know if it's even his idea,

00:50:48.580 but he says that uh you know we're going around thinking we're thinking all day but we're not

00:50:53.240 really thinking we're kind of going through like mental habits you're just kind of going about your

00:50:56.540 day but when you podcast or when you talk to a good friend or when you talk to someone

00:51:01.000 you're forced to articulate all of your ideas and thoughts and um ideas and that is therapy

00:51:08.720 having to put it into the words to explain or defend your position or justify your idea or

00:51:14.660 justify your your moral stance on something and that is therapy because now you're like wow like

00:51:20.160 like some things that you think are normal once you articulate you realize are absurd yeah like

00:51:26.440 my therapist we're talking about the 90s and i'm like can you believe we were just pantsing people

00:51:32.000 you know like i've never really thought about it it was just like yeah you pants but when you

00:51:36.620 really had to explain what it was where you're like yeah you'd wait for your friend who trusts

00:51:41.600 you to be, like, holding a tray of food or something, and then you would just pants him

00:51:46.980 in front of the whole school, which is a trauma for sure, and then if he told on you, you'd

00:51:53.920 act incredulous, like, oh, God.

00:51:56.500 Here we go.

00:51:57.180 All we did was pull his pants and underwear down in front of the whole school, and now

00:52:03.700 he told on us?

00:52:05.860 We're going to have to beat the shit out of that guy.

00:52:08.240 He snitched on us for the crimes we did to him.

00:52:13.220 And then now your friend starts wearing

00:52:16.540 his sister's eyeliner to school.

00:52:18.480 He gets really into the cure.

00:52:20.400 And he starts working at GameStop for 30 years

00:52:23.040 all because you and your buddies wanted to pay.

00:52:26.300 It's insane.

00:52:27.380 Once you have to say it,

00:52:28.900 then it becomes, you realize the gravity of all these things.

00:52:32.680 You know, like explain why you feel this way

00:52:34.840 about your daughter or something.

00:52:36.400 And when they have to like really say it,

00:52:37.980 they're really thinking about it and that's why they get choked up or that's why so i think to

00:52:42.180 speak is to truly think and that's what therapy is supposed to be yeah it's right yeah it's but

00:52:47.740 it's not like philosophy which you know that's it's like a kind of introspective yeah uh social

00:52:53.800 uh thinking and that's why young people have when like you see these man on the street things we

00:52:58.840 might dismiss these things on daily wire or any of these things when you some guy goes and asks a

00:53:02.940 college kid to be like you know and and those are kind of fun gotcha reels like look this kid's an

00:53:07.700 idiot but it's because that young person

00:53:09.580 has probably never had to

00:53:11.600 really explain

00:53:13.260 how or why they think the thing they do

00:53:15.900 and so it's really healthy to make them do that

00:53:17.720 because then they're going damn it like I've never

00:53:19.660 I don't know I'm just I'm working on feelings

00:53:21.440 it feels right to defend these marginalized

00:53:23.840 groups or it feels right to defend trans

00:53:25.900 people but when I really have to

00:53:27.920 put it into words the logic

00:53:29.980 isn't there and

00:53:31.300 all that stuff isn't there

00:53:33.580 so like the feelings are good I'm glad these kids have

00:53:35.900 all these great feelings. I guess the heart is good, but now we're forcing them to use the brain,

00:53:40.080 you know? Yes. No, because the question clearly meant to deride podcasting by comparing it to

00:53:45.160 therapy, but you actually made it seem good. Yeah. I think it's healthy. Yeah. And even,

00:53:49.260 it reminds me when I was a freshman in college, I was talking to my roommate and we were talking

00:53:54.320 about politics, what we were thinking about. I was like, oh yeah, well I'm on the right side

00:53:58.260 because I think this and that. And why is this good? Well, because I think this. And why is

00:54:02.380 this good? Because it leads to this. And finally, we got down to, I said, well, because it's about

00:54:06.500 liberty. And my roommate asked me this question that floored me. He goes, well, why is liberty

00:54:12.800 good? And I got really angry. I said, what are you, you're being a tuse. But I said, oh, it's

00:54:18.520 actually a good question. Why is liberty, I had never, I was at that time a libertarian. I had

00:54:24.780 never even considered why liberty is good. Yeah. I can go a step further. Having to explain,

00:54:32.200 if you just start going, why, why, why, having to explain why it would be immoral for someone

00:54:37.820 to be attracted to young people or children or animals or something, trying to defend

00:54:43.180 that position of why that is immoral, which we all think is absurd.

00:54:47.000 You would never even have to do that.

00:54:48.360 But by having to explain why it is, obviously I'm correct.

00:54:52.700 You shouldn't be hooking up with animals and children and things or minors.

00:54:55.800 Especially young animals.

00:54:56.780 but by explaining it i did get this overwhelming sense of compassion for people who might struggle

00:55:04.780 with that yeah because now the feelings got involved where i'm like man i can't imagine

00:55:08.800 being in a position where you're so where you're conflicted with these attractions to things that

00:55:13.220 are immoral and unjust and i think that's where conservatives struggle i'm a conservative and i

00:55:17.560 struggle with i'm so right about a lot of these issues because i've brain busted the words and

00:55:23.100 the articulating and the defending and the arguing,

00:55:25.740 but I haven't been very nice about it because I'm so,

00:55:30.280 it's liberty, stupid.

00:55:31.740 Yeah, yeah, right.

00:55:33.020 But then that forces you to go, okay, you know,

00:55:35.260 this is a fair question and I need to work on my heart about this.

00:55:38.900 Like I'm being a little hard on these trans people and I should be more

00:55:41.920 sensitive and then they're going to hear it because I've got all the facts.

00:55:45.680 No, it's so right.

00:55:46.300 It's very easy to be nice to Mother Teresa.

00:55:49.080 Sure.

00:55:49.380 It's actually hard to be nice to the guy in prison or the thief or whatever.

00:55:52.500 And then you think, well, the grimiest, most wicked type of criminal is a pedo.

00:55:58.340 You think, well, hold on, but aren't I supposed to at least be somewhat gracious in how I think about things, even as I'm trying to explain something profoundly evil?

00:56:08.820 Like, because, you know, you can convince people as to why it's bestiality or something like this.

00:56:13.720 But then, when you have to explain to someone, a brother and a sister, they're both 65 years old, well past childbearing age, they want to have an incestuous relationship.

00:56:27.060 Is that wrong?

00:56:28.140 Right.

00:56:29.120 It is.

00:56:29.660 But why is it wrong?

00:56:31.100 That you have to defend it.

00:56:32.060 That's what I'm saying, right.

00:56:32.920 You have to explain why that's wrong.

00:56:34.500 And you can't, based on how most people think about it, the reason they think it's wrong to sleep with animals or children or something is because, well, there's no consent.

00:56:41.600 Yeah.

00:56:41.740 But in the case of the 65-year-old siblings who want to be freaky, they can consent.

00:56:47.060 What if the animal is entering the person?

00:56:49.460 That's consent?

00:56:50.540 Yeah.

00:56:51.080 That's an image in my mind now that I did not really expect or desire.

00:56:54.840 Because you could say that's too, do you know what I'm saying?

00:56:58.580 But these are the kind of conversations you have to, like, really defend your position on.

00:57:02.500 There's a play about it.

00:57:02.920 Equus.

00:57:03.580 Or no, maybe the...

00:57:04.580 One thing that I think with, like, what you just reminded me of while we were talking about it is that, like, you know, like racists.

00:57:10.740 like, racist people.

00:57:12.740 There are very evil racist

00:57:14.780 people. Or not evil, but they're racist

00:57:16.580 people. And we're taught, and we're

00:57:18.680 teaching young people to just hate them.

00:57:20.440 They're the worst, and that's the worst thing you can

00:57:22.720 be. Or,

00:57:24.620 be nice and teach them that being racist

00:57:26.760 is ignorant and stupid.

00:57:28.840 Where's your compassion for these people?

00:57:30.420 And called for only in certain circumstances.

00:57:32.340 Let's reform them. Let's make

00:57:34.700 them not racists. Let's not

00:57:36.820 just go, eh, beat them up, and

00:57:38.600 that's just probably

00:57:40.380 going to make them

00:57:40.800 a little more racist.

00:57:41.860 Yeah, yeah.

00:57:43.120 So I think that

00:57:44.160 you have to have

00:57:45.300 all angles of those things.

00:57:47.040 Like you can say,

00:57:47.640 you'd be like,

00:57:47.900 look, racists are

00:57:48.900 very, very bad.

00:57:50.160 Yeah.

00:57:50.440 They're not as bad

00:57:51.120 as gypsies.

00:57:52.400 You know?

00:57:53.280 Yeah.

00:57:53.700 Okay, all right.

00:57:54.120 You get it.

00:57:54.900 All right, there's one more.

00:57:55.700 One more, okay.

00:57:56.520 Generally speaking,

00:57:57.920 is a relationship

00:57:58.680 between a 37-year-old woman

00:58:00.720 and a 24-year-old TikToker

00:58:03.000 too large of an age gap?

00:58:05.080 And I have to think

00:58:06.040 what you would say.

00:58:08.120 Hmm.

00:58:08.600 And this started with generally speaking, by the way.

00:58:15.320 Yeah, it is.

00:58:16.880 Ooh, it's called it.

00:58:18.660 But only because he's 24 and she's 37.

00:58:24.600 Like if he were 54 and she were 67, it wouldn't matter.

00:58:29.920 But because he would, ostensibly the point of the relationship is to get married if you're a 24-year-old guy.

00:58:37.240 And probably the point of getting married is to have kids.

00:58:40.500 And if you get married, let's say they get married 38, 39,

00:58:44.160 the odds of having kids are very, very low.

00:58:45.980 And so you'd be subverting the very purpose of the marriage.

00:58:49.360 And so the relationship would be pointless.

00:58:53.120 Yeah, but do we need to be making more TikTokers?

00:58:57.100 That's a good point.

00:58:58.340 Yeah, yeah.

00:58:59.100 This says of an age gap for what, though?

00:59:01.820 For a healthy relationship?

00:59:04.780 For a nice family?

00:59:06.280 who knows who knows yeah who cares no you're right that's a good way to take the tiktokers

00:59:11.720 out of the blood yeah and also it's like it's like for what i don't know like people date all

00:59:16.800 the time i'll see some old guy with some young chick and i roll my eyes but if they're happy

00:59:21.080 yeah right but if you see an old lady with some young guy everyone be like you go girl look at

00:59:25.180 her you guys so it's like who cares yeah yeah yeah i but i got that right so you're going right

00:59:31.640 right okay this is rough i have one chance to redeem myself before we get to that though you

00:59:38.800 watch the show you love the show you know you need unique new york well you can get your hands

00:59:44.120 on the game the yes or no game yeah here it is best selling most important game with the daily

00:59:49.300 wire only available dailywire.com slash shop it's simple it's addictive it will tell you exactly

00:59:55.100 how well you really know the people in your life hundreds of cards up to nine players no liberal

01:00:00.100 nonsense. Plus, you can add

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01:00:22.360 and order a Yes or No game

01:00:24.340 today. Are you ready

01:00:26.440 for the final round?

01:00:30.100 This prompt will be read. We will both lock in our answers, and then we will move our glasses to yes or no to see if we can read the other person's mind.

01:00:42.860 The round is worth double points. It could change everything. The score right now, we're tied at zero.

01:00:50.580 This was all pointless.

01:00:51.860 Okay, so we put the glasses.

01:00:56.080 So here, I'll put mine on Knoll's.

01:00:57.360 I'll put the crap all under it.

01:00:57.900 Yeah, you put yours on.

01:00:59.660 No, you put yours on dye.

01:01:00.580 Oh, dye.

01:01:01.440 Okay.

01:01:03.060 I'm going to read the prompt.

01:01:04.260 You lock in your answer, and then you move my glass to where you think I would go.

01:01:07.460 You got it.

01:01:08.820 Here's a video prompt.

01:01:09.960 Okay.

01:01:10.600 Today's the day.

01:01:11.860 My boy.

01:01:12.200 I spent the last two years studying every post, every video, monitoring likes, engagements,

01:01:16.660 who's being rewarded, and who's being punished.

01:01:18.400 I'm just going to order one bottle of champagne.

01:01:20.260 I called my agent, got the okay.

01:01:21.680 They said they don't love it, but they understand.

01:01:23.860 They've already had other clients drop something similar.

01:01:25.920 It is for a celebration, so if you have sparklers too, that'd be good.

01:01:28.420 Benefits of supporting Israel are a relic of the past.

01:01:31.780 And today, it is I who will drop my pro-Palestine post.

01:01:36.220 One flag, no words.

01:01:38.720 Simple.

01:01:39.860 Elegant.

01:01:40.780 Some even might say courageous.

01:01:42.260 Who the f*** is Venezuela?

01:01:47.120 Post-October 7th.

01:01:48.680 Is this the most difficult time in history for people in entertainment to take a clear political stance?

01:01:56.820 Is this the most difficult time?

01:01:58.280 Yeah. Everyone talks about, oh, this is bad for the Jews. Oh, this is bad for the Palestinians.

01:02:02.060 What about the people in show business?

01:02:03.460 Is this the most difficult time for people in entertainment to take a clear political stance?

01:02:08.960 And I put what I think you'll say.

01:02:12.680 No, you put what you think.

01:02:14.340 Oh, I put what I think.

01:02:15.340 Yeah, the...

01:02:17.340 Okay.

01:02:23.640 And now we move the glasses to where you think the other person would go.

01:02:36.460 We might be tied again.

01:02:38.660 We both lost.

01:02:40.560 Or we both won.

01:02:41.880 It is.

01:02:42.280 I was going to say the harder time was in communism when all the Hollywood people were communists.

01:02:49.260 Yes.

01:02:49.760 You know, the Committee on American Activities and McCarthyism and all.

01:02:53.060 But there, it was easy.

01:02:53.920 They all pretended not to be communists.

01:02:55.120 Sure.

01:02:55.400 They were communists.

01:02:55.980 Right.

01:02:56.280 This one is hard because you go, you've got to find a guy on the right, a guy on the left, a Democrat, a Republican, whatever.

01:03:01.680 You don't really know, especially with young people, you really don't know what they think about Israel, Palestine.

01:03:07.760 Sure.

01:03:08.140 You just have no idea.

01:03:08.980 Yeah, and also, they're all, like, they're all liars.

01:03:13.860 Like, that's how Hollywood works.

01:03:16.660 They're actors.

01:03:17.640 They'll say, like, whatever they think that they will get cheers for.

01:03:21.860 What are they going to get cheers for?

01:03:23.000 Nice.

01:03:23.600 And they're like, aha.

01:03:24.480 So then they go, oh, I know to say that one.

01:03:26.840 You know, and I know to say this one.

01:03:28.080 And they learn all those things because they're these little, like, nightcrawler shapeshifters.

01:03:32.880 Yeah.

01:03:33.120 And then the truth is, like, I can't tell you how many Hollywood actors I've met.

01:03:38.320 very famous all the way down to like D-list reality stars who are liberal this, liberal that,

01:03:44.460 and then they get me and they go, hey, you know, actually, they're all closeted conservatives.

01:03:50.000 The thing with the left right now is some of the power players, some of the elite libs are still

01:03:56.320 pro-Israel. The whole base, the whole group of young people and many of the eccentric people

01:04:02.180 are pro-Palestine.

01:04:04.280 On the right,

01:04:05.740 the boomers,

01:04:06.680 very, very pro-Israel.

01:04:08.440 Yeah.

01:04:09.680 Except some of the boomers,

01:04:11.080 the old paleocons,

01:04:12.040 don't really like Israel.

01:04:13.140 And then you get

01:04:13.940 to the young people,

01:04:15.020 and it depends

01:04:15.840 how edgy and online they are.

01:04:17.360 Most of them

01:04:18.160 probably anti-Israel.

01:04:19.560 Sure.

01:04:19.880 Some of them still like,

01:04:21.500 you know,

01:04:21.980 Young Republican Club,

01:04:23.240 Red Tie,

01:04:24.000 pro-Israel.

01:04:25.580 So you're doing a show,

01:04:26.840 let's say you're doing a show

01:04:27.600 for, it's a split house,

01:04:29.200 you've got some libs there,

01:04:30.140 maybe you've got

01:04:30.420 a lot of conservatives there,

01:04:31.360 and you need to make a joke yeah what do you i just go for the joke whatever it is yeah no matter

01:04:39.600 what those are the rules but i think why i'm having success is because i don't talk about

01:04:43.860 things that are that complex i'm kind of your everyday man as far as just in general not not

01:04:49.020 by design it's just who i am like i am i've you you'll never hear a joke from me about israel

01:04:55.300 palestine yeah but because i don't know it's very complex i can find 10 reasons on this side why

01:05:00.280 these people can justify their behavior i can find 10 people or 10 reasons on this side and so for

01:05:05.420 me it makes it very tough to to make a joke but you don't have to be a genius to go that guy

01:05:10.520 shouldn't be swimming with those girls right like and so that's kind of an obvious one and then

01:05:15.240 people hear my comedy and go oh yeah like because it's it's i'm a simple dude you know like it

01:05:20.040 doesn't take much to go yeah but seinfeld in the early part of the trump era he famously said he

01:05:26.220 was asked why he doesn't do jokes about trump and he said he's like i don't want to do jokes about

01:05:29.820 Trump. I want to do jokes about strawberries. Right. Which makes total sense. Yeah. I think

01:05:33.800 the Israel-Palestine thing also, furthermore, is like really helping politics in a way because

01:05:39.180 it's forcing people to kind of get out of their tribes. All these Jewish people who thought they

01:05:43.300 were liberals for so long are now going, oh, this is interesting. This is how people think.

01:05:47.960 Be like these libs hate Jews, but also some of these conservatives hate Jews. Right. I need to

01:05:52.920 move to Iran after, yeah, because maybe now it'll be a kind of... And it's the first time they've

01:05:59.000 ever been like maybe i'm not a democrat yeah ever in their entire lives and i like the only

01:06:04.820 argument i've ever heard against that was uh my buddy alex who's a very funny comedian he said uh

01:06:10.240 he goes well i have anti-semitism's been on both sides forever and i'm like what a great excuse to

01:06:14.820 just to stay tribal you know yeah yeah yeah it reminds me of because like norm would do he would

01:06:22.500 do uh he would tackle political issues sure but it was always in the craziest way so he instead

01:06:28.500 of just kind of making a little bit of a joke

01:06:30.360 about, you know, Jews

01:06:32.440 or Palestinians or whatever, he would just

01:06:34.480 do a 15-minute bit

01:06:36.220 needling someone on, like, a Holocaust

01:06:38.480 denier, you know, and it would just, you'd go

01:06:40.280 so far. Well, that's how my show is.

01:06:42.560 Like, I'm talking about, everything's

01:06:44.500 political now, so, like, it's, you know,

01:06:46.220 essentially, 100% of my act is political.

01:06:48.920 But I just think it's better to

01:06:50.660 go after things

01:06:52.080 that aren't as complex

01:06:54.460 as that. I mean, if you want to really, like,

01:06:56.640 do you remember during COVID,

01:06:57.480 when, like, people are, like, in the stores, like, in early COVID.

01:07:01.440 Yeah.

01:07:01.720 And you have, like, you know, the liberal ladies wearing, like, a space suit

01:07:05.000 while she's at Whole Foods.

01:07:06.460 And then you had, like, a guy like my dad who's just, like, no mask.

01:07:09.900 Yeah.

01:07:10.320 He's like, I'm not doing it.

01:07:11.660 Eating tango in the store.

01:07:12.500 Yes, yeah, and he's, like, spitting.

01:07:14.440 And he's like, this is all a scam.

01:07:16.340 And, you know, like, and you're listening to the space suit lady go,

01:07:20.300 you got to wear your mask.

01:07:21.380 And the guy like my dad's like, I'm not doing it, boy.

01:07:23.340 And she's like, girl.

01:07:24.280 And they're arguing or whatever.

01:07:26.160 And I remember thinking when I'd see those videos on the internet or see it happen in

01:07:29.760 real life that I'm like, this psycho, I don't agree with her.

01:07:33.060 And this psycho, I don't agree with him.

01:07:34.740 It's like, can we both just work this out?

01:07:36.760 We're going through something together.

01:07:37.960 Can we both just figure this out?

01:07:40.180 And that's how I think about Israel and Palestine.

01:07:42.400 And I'm like, can we just figure this out?

01:07:45.940 What, a thousand more years of this warring crap?

01:07:48.200 Yeah, it's like, no, I think similarly with COVID, I think like, can't we just inflict

01:07:51.860 a bioweapon on the entire region and then we don't have to worry about it anymore?

01:07:55.060 Yeah, we fixed it.

01:07:56.100 Yeah, exactly.

01:07:56.640 Okay.

01:07:58.080 Last one.

01:07:58.960 Last one.

01:07:59.760 Final question.

01:08:01.380 Cue the lights.

01:08:05.140 If you had to repeal one amendment in the hopes of a greater flourishing and safety for people in America,

01:08:12.740 would it be the 19th Amendment?

01:08:18.340 Now, if we could just get a quick refresher on the 19th Amendment.

01:08:22.040 You know, for the audience.

01:08:24.100 Yeah.

01:08:24.220 not for jeff jeff knows lots of stuff yeah yeah very smart guy i once had the right to bear arms

01:08:31.180 everyone knows that yeah yeah yeah you know we all know the 16th 17 18th and just just for

01:08:37.900 refreshing um so people i had this debate with a major politician and it was people always go for

01:08:46.620 women voting but it was an implicit debate because we were talking about all sorts of different

01:08:56.380 amendments there's how many of them something like 26 that's what i heard somewhere around

01:09:00.260 there maybe yeah okay i already told him what the 19th this guy doesn't understand can we please

01:09:06.600 get a new producer to this show he tells he goes you should tell jeff what the 19th amendment oh

01:09:11.100 I just very graciously did that.

01:09:12.920 Women's suffrage.

01:09:13.560 Yes.

01:09:14.220 You see how I did that?

01:09:15.400 These broads voting on stuff that they don't even want to.

01:09:18.660 And then he says, tell them it's women voting.

01:09:21.080 Let us vote, let us vote, but we refuse to go to battle.

01:09:25.060 Let us vote, let us vote, but I don't want to plumb or be a construction worker

01:09:29.160 or do any of what the real workforce is.

01:09:31.580 I like the verb plumb.

01:09:34.100 Like one who goes a-plumbing.

01:09:35.440 Yeah, I'm a plumb guy.

01:09:36.540 I'm a plumber.

01:09:37.300 You need plumbing?

01:09:37.900 I'm a plumb man.

01:09:38.960 Okay, so I give my answer.

01:09:41.100 and now what would you say i wrote yes

01:09:49.740 you got to move where mine would go

01:09:55.100 this is tricky

01:09:59.180 you got it wrong yeah no it wouldn't it would be the 14th amendment the 14th amendment which

01:10:06.940 is that it'll get me in trouble because that's like equal protection and all this stuff yeah

01:10:10.540 They're going to call me racist also because of the whole rest of our show.

01:10:12.860 Yeah, they'll kill you because Charlie Kirk said something about civil rights and nobody ever listens to the second sentence of his argument.

01:10:20.360 Yeah, that was all going around.

01:10:21.720 They called him a racist.

01:10:22.640 They still do.

01:10:23.820 It's just so insane.

01:10:25.280 But, no, the 14th Amendment is really bad because it basically just blows up the whole Constitution.

01:10:29.740 And it actually changes the structure of the Constitution.

01:10:33.240 And then it lets these libs do whatever they want.

01:10:35.240 It's like, we're going to redefine marriage and we're going to, you know, execute the president.

01:10:39.840 because of the penumbras and the shadows of the 14th Amendment.

01:10:44.100 Equal protection, substantive due process.

01:10:46.940 Well, let's talk about the 19th.

01:10:48.400 Yeah, that would be the second one we repeal.

01:10:50.120 But the first one would be the 14th.

01:10:52.120 Maybe the 17th.

01:10:52.960 Not the first one.

01:10:53.560 Did it say first?

01:10:54.320 Yeah, is that if there were one?

01:10:56.100 Wow, that's crazy.

01:10:57.500 So the final score, because of that, we're tied until the last one.

01:11:00.460 Yeah.

01:11:01.320 Because of that, the final score is zero, me, to negative four.

01:11:06.620 Negative four?

01:11:07.680 Yeah, that.

01:11:08.380 I would say it would probably just be 0-0.

01:11:10.820 Isn't that how scores work?

01:11:11.960 Yeah.

01:11:12.520 So you, all I'm saying is when you move to Iran,

01:11:16.680 I'm going to teach you one little phrase that you're going to have to use around the,

01:11:20.340 I assume you don't speak Farsi.

01:11:21.740 No.

01:11:22.960 Write this one down.

01:11:24.060 Okay.

01:11:24.660 No ticky, no washi.

01:11:26.220 Yeah, there it is.

01:11:27.240 Be sure to check out Jeff's new podcast, Die Hard with Jeff Dye,

01:11:31.620 available now on YouTube.

01:11:32.960 Also, from Dating Disasters to Brutally Honest Takes on Modern Life,

01:11:36.440 You do not want to miss Jeff Dye's tour happening right now.

01:11:39.820 Fast, fearless, just a little bit inappropriate.

01:11:42.060 You are going to want to see this live.

01:11:44.020 Get your tickets now.

01:11:45.660 I already said it.

01:11:46.340 Did you buy them already?

01:11:47.180 Get them now.

01:11:48.140 While they last, jeffdye.com.

01:11:49.920 We don't have a teaser from his current tour.

01:11:52.160 It's too fresh.

01:11:52.860 It's too real.

01:11:53.600 But here is a clip from The Last Cowboy in L.A. to give you a taste of what you will miss if you don't grab your tickets right now.

01:12:00.820 I hit rock bottom in Hollywood, California.

01:12:03.100 That is a bad place for rock bottom

01:12:05.220 because everyone is mean to you there.

01:12:07.520 In Hollywood, everyone, my entire career,

01:12:09.560 everybody in Hollywood's been like,

01:12:10.560 you're not even famous.

01:12:11.700 I've never heard of you.

01:12:12.700 You're not famous.

01:12:13.620 You're not even famous.

01:12:14.760 You're not famous.

01:12:15.540 I have never heard of you.

01:12:16.340 You're not famous.

01:12:17.100 You're not even famous.

01:12:18.540 Right?

01:12:18.840 And then I have one bad day,

01:12:20.300 and it's like, famous comedian,

01:12:21.520 crash his car, fights God.

01:12:23.020 I'm like, God damn it.

01:12:26.680 $30 is a lot for a smoke.

01:12:29.720 Yes, yes.

01:12:31.400 Also, if I'm honest,

01:12:32.860 i actually like trans women better than i like regular women i do have you ever talked to a

01:12:37.340 trans woman they're great they're like dudes this is brave what i'm doing right now hit them with

01:12:53.740 the poetry like no i like her she likes naughty words you know probably not a smart subject to

01:13:00.620 do on my first special, but you know, I like to start at Kansas, man. I like to start at Kansas.

01:13:07.220 All right.

01:13:11.580 I will say, first of all, Jeff, thanks for coming. Thank you, man. You're the best. This was

01:13:14.700 excellent. Absolutely. I'll see you on the next episode of Yes or No.

The Michael Knowles Show - March 28, 2026

Michael Knowles Can't Stop Laughing With Comedian Jeff Dye ｜ YES or NO

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