00:07:26.700It depends on the clarity, if you can really hear it, how long it is and whatnot, what exactly the content is.
00:07:33.000But a lot of that stuff, I think, is real because I witnessed it personally.
00:07:38.580Being in a big event where nobody is talking, you're in an abandoned building in the middle of nowhere, and you're capturing what seems to be disembodied voices, having conversations or yelling and screaming and smacking in old asylums.
00:08:20.500Just maybe, what's your favorite color?
00:08:22.180Are you happy that we're here talking to you?
00:08:24.420So, just kind of getting playful with questions, maybe being creative, just asking your standard run-of-the-mill questions, I guess you would ask a ghost at that time.
00:08:33.560And the craziest one I ever caught was at an asylum in upstate New York.
00:08:42.620I grew up in upstate, you know, a little north of the city, so I think I remember.
00:08:46.500Yep, yep, and I've been there many times, and the first time I was there, I captured, me and my team captured a crazy Class A AVP with what sounds like a patient-nurse struggle, like a shrieking scream, and you hear, like, a smack, almost as if the nurse smacked the patient.
00:09:05.060And you hear, like, don't you ever do that.
00:09:06.700It was, and this, I'm not going to be super loud right now, but it was, I actually listened to it, and it was horrifying chills.
00:09:14.920You can't make it up, because then we, if you hear in the recording, we just carry on with our conversation.
00:09:20.800You have sound guys next to you, you have people recording, so it's, sometimes, if there's a lot of people there, it's hard to fake the evidence.
00:09:28.060Can you hear it in the room, or you only hear it on the playback?
00:09:32.580You don't hear it, sometimes, certain people like myself, I could hear certain things with my own ears, and then I would also hear it on the playback.
00:09:40.900So it'd confirm what I was hearing, or different pieces of equipment would confirm what my own body, my eyes, my ears were seeing and feeling.
00:09:49.180I believe that a lot of this stuff is real.
00:09:51.440I also come at these things with a healthy dose of skepticism.
00:09:54.760Having been to, I think it was that asylum, but I definitely remember a shutdown asylum in upstate New York, you can feel a kind of spiritual oppression around this place.
00:10:07.360It is a lot of, especially that one, there's been so much darkness that's happened there.
00:10:13.640You know, it was a poor house back in the 1800s where people would just send menopausal women or disabled children.
00:10:20.900Just a lot of dark, dark things happened, and they would have, you know, upstate New York, it's very cold in the winter.
00:10:27.340They couldn't bury the bodies, so they would have to stack them up in the morgue, and I would put myself in that meat locker and try to do these ghost sessions, trying to communicate, trying to capture evidence.
00:10:39.220And being down in these basements, you just, you can feel the heaviness and the darkness in some of these places.
00:10:48.440I mean, assuming, if you think it's real, I think that this stuff is real in principle, though there can be plenty of hoaxes, but if you think it's real, we've talked on this show before about the demonic and the angelic and the, you know, all of these sorts of things.
00:11:04.400But if you think it's real, to me it's kind of like cockroaches.
00:15:00.860So, what was it, what do you now think that was?
00:15:04.460What I now believe from just being on my own spiritual journey and what I've read in the Bible is that these are familiar spirits that the Lord talks about.
00:15:13.500They are demons masquerading as beings of light, just like how 2 Corinthians talks about Satan himself comes as a being of light and so do his minions.
00:15:25.640And these spirits are watching, they're understanding what you're seeking, what you're curious about.
00:15:31.060And they, I, I personally believe they were pretending, they're putting on a show to draw you in.
00:15:37.700Kind of like a mosquito light, you know, where you think you're heading towards something that's bright and beautiful.
00:17:18.140And what I love about this topic is that even just biblical scholars, there's no one consensus on the witch of Endor of what actually happened
00:17:27.140because I'm between two schools of thought where, all right, the Bible says that Samuel came up.
00:18:37.420But, for the people who are curious about this stuff, I mean, this was really a big plot point in Hamlet, in the first scene of Hamlet.
00:18:46.020Is it really the father of Hamlet who comes back as a ghost or is it a demon or, you know, that's a big debate.
00:18:51.180And actually, it hinges on religious debates at the time because of the University of Wittenberg where Hamlet comes from.
00:18:55.780So, is it, if a demon's coming to trick you or a granny is coming to warn you of something, both could be spiritually dangerous, but they are different.
00:20:03.460I didn't know that God said not to do that.
00:20:06.860He didn't know to, I didn't know that he said to stay away from necromancy and divination and witchcraft and all the things that I was partaking in.
00:20:14.780And I thought, at one point, I called myself a Christian witch.
00:20:31.740I just know it somehow pertains to, it's like a demon possessed doll or so what is it?
00:20:36.920Yeah, so it's actually been, it was made famous to the big world through the Conjuring movies, but it's actually a rag doll that was in possession by Ed and Lorraine Warren.
00:20:48.160They're very famous for their demonology.
00:21:18.740They're passed on right now, but they had an occult museum in Connecticut filled with relics and very dark occult items.
00:21:28.480You know, literally things that have been found in the woods with satanic rituals, and I have been to the museum a couple times.
00:21:34.840I met Lorraine a few times as well and saw Annabelle as well.
00:21:39.820And the folklore behind this doll is that it's possessed by, I don't remember exactly, I think a little girl who's demonic or just filled with demons or rage.
00:21:50.820I don't remember exactly, but this rag doll has tried to kill people, allegedly, and has escaped.
00:22:02.000Someone was watching it, and they woke up, and the arms were around their neck.
00:22:06.380So this thing has to be kept in a lockbox, and the folklore behind this doll is just insane, and the power that people are giving this doll, really the demon in operation behind this doll.
00:22:18.620And it just made headlines again because a comedian, Matt Reif, I've never watched his things, but I guess he just purchased the entire occult museum in Connecticut filled with these objects, including Annabelle doll.
00:22:32.540And it's not the objects themselves that are haunted.
00:22:36.100It's the demons that are in operation behind it.
00:22:38.320So when people are looking at Annabelle and giving her power, like I did, when I met her that night, I literally said, like, I tried to test her.
00:22:47.780I'm like, well, she's not that scary, and my gas tank literally went from, like, full to, like, empty on the way home.
00:23:22.200It was literally, like, out of nowhere, strange stuff started happening, got lost.
00:23:27.500GPS, this was back in, I want to say, 2011, so GPS really wasn't what it used to be.
00:23:31.660It was, like, those ones that you attached.
00:23:32.860So it was leading us out of nowhere, in the middle of nowhere, in the woods, and had to find a police station to help us.
00:23:39.300It was crazy after going to the museum.
00:23:41.720But this comedian just purchased all of these items, and it actually broke my heart knowing that just the lore and excitement behind this doll right now, he's in for a lot of bondage, and he's coming to agreement with a lot of these things because when you give power.
00:24:11.720I don't think I'd buy a demon warehouse if I weren't into it.
00:24:15.260Right, and he's hoping to open it up for tours and overnight stays and stuff like that, and it just breaks my heart because now it's just, people are so into this, and they're going to come into agreement with all these beings and open themselves up for demonization.
00:24:32.260You know, what's so strange about this, too, there's a Christian tradition of relic veneration that goes back to, I mean, it's in the Bible.
00:24:41.040It's in the Book of Acts with the handkerchiefs in St. Paul, or in 2 Maccabees, though some people don't include that in the canon.
00:24:48.540But from the earliest moments, from the apostolic age, you know, Polycarp dies.
00:24:53.680Polycarp is buddies with St. Ignatius of Antioch, who knew John the Evangelist.
00:24:58.920Polycarp himself might have known John the Evangelist.
00:25:00.760And when he dies, we have immediate accounts that the Christians would venerate his bones.
00:25:08.320And this goes, you know, all throughout the Christian tradition of sometimes they'd get a little unsure of the relic, so I think they're presently two heads of St. Thomas Aquinas, who was a very smart guy, but he didn't have to.
00:25:19.260And so there is a sense, you don't want to worship them like an idol, but there is a sense that there's a connection to the physical world and there's temples of the Holy Spirit.
00:25:25.420And so they kind of point you toward the God who these holy men worshipped.
00:26:23.560Part of the kind of all the same, and it's, oh, it's outside of the normal stuff, but not realizing you're just taking part in something that's being normalized.
00:26:34.780Everyone likes to go on these tours, and we're spiritual beings, and so we're going to have our curiosity picked.
00:26:41.320And people want to believe in something outside of the natural, and I'm sure it's a great investment, too, wanting to turn it into something that people can come and you own something.
00:26:51.400It's a very popular doll made famous by horror movies now, and unfortunately, there's so much ramifications that are going to come with that.
00:27:19.180Yeah, I 100% agree, and I actually tried to make a video recently, and social media would not let me upload it for some reason, trying to talk to Matt Reif, saying,
00:27:31.440please, anybody that has these objects, please burn them, get rid of them, and turn to Jesus.
00:27:38.800I hope he would just wake up and understand that the spiritual weight of this is not going to be something that anybody can carry, and I hope he just repents and turns to Jesus.
00:27:57.400And you're getting this footage that you say, maybe some of them are more dubious, but you say, look, the class A, top tier audio recordings, I am hearing ghosts.
00:28:08.480So, what are you doing with that knowledge?
00:28:17.660Now, looking back, it's because, one, God calls us to stay away from it, and when you're operating in divination or witchcraft, you're seeking knowledge or power outside of God's knowledge and power.
00:28:28.900Or you're in a spirit of rebellion, you're rebelling against God's word.
00:28:34.100I have to believe that God tells me to stay away from something for a good reason, that he has a good will for me, and he has a good design for everything.
00:28:41.920And then when I step outside of that, it leads to death.
00:29:21.060This, to me, is the good that can come out of the bad thing.
00:29:23.900Or, you know, to use the example of the witch of Endor, you know, it's a very bad thing that happens, but God turns all things to good, is even, it's not a recommendation of practicing necromancy.
00:29:32.920But there are people who are hardcore atheist materialists who say none of this is real.
00:29:38.260And then they're convinced, not that God exists, but that a demon exists, or alternately that a ghost exists.
00:29:44.060But if ghosts exist, that means that something non-physical exists.
00:29:49.540And if demons exist, that probably means that God exists, too.
00:29:52.940And there's this kind of bizarre backdoor where people are interested in the occult and the paranormal, and often it leads them to perdition.
00:30:00.660But sometimes it can lead them back to the right path.
00:30:03.300So you say this is terrible and you had all this demonic oppression and everything, but how so?
00:30:08.300You're at the insane asylum, you're getting the audio recordings, it's quirky, it's weird, it's interesting, you feel very special, you feel you have this gift, this feminine witchy touch to mollify the demons.
00:31:05.580Because the longer I stayed in, the longer I was involved with these things, the darker experiences I had.
00:31:13.260So it was really fun in the beginning, and I was doing this for over a decade.
00:31:17.420It was really fun in the beginning, just kind of, wow, I can't believe I'm capturing this evidence, I'm making contact,
00:31:22.180I can't believe I'm growing in my psychic abilities, I'm able to travel the country, see different places, this is amazing, and make friends, and wow, I'm on a TV show, wow, this is crazy.
00:31:33.940But it slowly got more dark and dark and dark.
00:31:37.360And because I was opening myself up in different ways with these investigations where I would do different spells and rituals to open up the investigation, I would light candles, I would do what we call a pendulum session.
00:31:55.400So in witchcraft, there's these, it's kind of like a ball and chain type thing, it's a pendulum on the bottom of a chain, and kind of like a Ouija board mat with letters and numbers and yes or no on there.
00:32:07.360And you would ask questions like, all right, we're here, please talk to me, are you ready to talk with us?
00:32:12.500And it would literally point to different things, and I wouldn't, there's no way I could really manipulate it without it really shaking.
00:32:18.100And this thing would point to yes, point to no, spell out names, and we would start investigations that way.
00:32:26.300This is, it's not just that, you know, your hand shook or something, and you're saying you're seeing the ball on the chain defy gravity?
00:32:34.380Yeah, it would stay tight, and then it would just go like that.
00:32:36.480Yeah, these things that, it's like literally in my hand, I know I'm being stable, and it's operating outside of my own control.
00:32:44.660And I would tell these spirits, these beings, I would say, okay, you can use my body, you can use my energy, talk through me, use whatever you need to pull from me to manifest yourself.
00:32:56.900Looking back, that's literally insane and so dangerous, but I was literally inviting these things into my life, my spirit, my soul, just to, I was coming into agreement with it all.
00:33:08.580And I was asking them to manifest themselves, and they would.
00:33:12.020So you'd start, or it would sound like you were speaking?
00:33:15.140Sometimes they would speak through me.
00:33:21.580I don't know who, I don't really remember.
00:33:23.260It's a little, it's about 13 years ago at this point, and I try to forget some of these things.
00:33:27.420But I remember speaking through, and I didn't have control over my voice, and I remember looking at the people that I was with, and I'm like, I was just saying things, and I don't know what I was saying.
00:33:37.800And they were, they had to like get me out of the house to snap me out of it, because my body started to lock up.
00:33:43.140I started to not be able to like feel things.
00:33:47.340I was kind of in my body, but I wasn't.
00:33:49.280I didn't have control over my motor skills or what I was speaking or seeing.
00:33:53.600It was really horrifying and very scary, and the worst experience, I think, was when I was filming for my show.
00:34:01.340I ended up, through my paranormal journey, I became a co-host for my own paranormal show, helping people overcome great fear with their crazy demonic activity that they have in their homes.
00:34:13.020We were in a house down in Georgia, which was experiencing a lot of dark activity.
00:34:19.800The guy was involved in, I think, masonry, some kind of occult or secret society.
00:34:59.640But we were in the backwoods, backwoods of Georgia, at nighttime.
00:35:03.940We're filming, and I look behind my co-host, and we're in the woods, and I see between him what I can only describe as like a goblin face, seething and just staring at me for like a split second.
00:35:18.000It just appeared almost as if it wanted to get me.
00:35:20.900And I jump back, and that image is really seared into my mind forever.
00:35:26.100And this thing just wouldn't leave me alone.
00:35:29.480It started changing forms and became this giant tar being.
00:35:34.160It sounds crazy talking about it now, but it changed and multiplied into these 8 to 10 foot tar beings that would then follow me around my house.
00:35:45.540And as I'm walking around and trying to sleep, I would see these beings.
00:35:49.700You'd see them, not just sort of feel their presence.
00:35:53.000Yeah, and it was kind of – I would see it both sometimes with my own eyes and sometimes what they would call like in your mind's eye.
00:36:00.660Back then I would say your third eye, but I don't know how to describe it.
00:36:04.460It was very like in between the physical and spiritual realm I'd be able to see them, and they'd be hovering over my things and grinning at me and really very taunting me and almost kind of like,
00:36:28.180And these things just wouldn't let up, and it just kept getting worse and worse right up until I got saved, which was about five years ago.
00:36:36.360So you say you developed your psychic abilities.
00:36:43.100What's psychic 305 compared to psychic 101?
00:36:48.560Yeah, so I would actually – I had books psychic for beginners, like how to enhance your psychic abilities.
00:36:55.820And in that kind of witchcraft world, there's different stones you can have to enhance those abilities.
00:37:01.820I believe amethyst was one of them, and I had just actually got an amethyst ring from my – I think it was my 21st birthday.
00:37:09.160And right after that is when I got into ghost hunting.
00:37:11.360So I was like, oh, the amethyst, it helped me awaken this ability.
00:37:15.420And in the books that I was reading, it was talking about just practicing going with your intuition, going with, like, the first thought that pops up and trying, like, just focusing your energy on something, your concentration, your intellect, your energy.
00:37:30.400And just the desire itself of wanting to enhance these abilities is going to enhance them.
00:37:36.420So, yeah, there's some wild stuff I would read.
00:37:41.840Because, you know, it's like when a woman runs up to Christ in the Gospels and touches the hem of his garment.
00:37:48.480This is very important because it shows you that there is a physical aspect to faith.
00:37:54.340But it is her faith that is really taking precedence over – the physicality matters.
00:38:00.540You know, in the book of Acts, when people are touching handkerchiefs to St. Paul and sending it out to – there is a physical aspect, obviously, because it's an incarnational and sacramental faith.
00:38:11.960But it's not like a magic handkerchief.
00:38:17.780It's the faith of the person that is – you're chasing after it.
00:38:21.540Like, I literally have the woman touching the hem of the garment in my head.
00:38:25.480And I'm blessed enough to be able to lead worship at my church.
00:38:29.360And even on my worst days, I'm like, man, this is going to be really hard.
00:38:33.360But if I can just get there and just get up on there and just touch the hem of his garment, I know it's going to be okay.
00:38:41.040And I've had so many of those moments where just having the faith has helped me overcome.
00:38:47.220But it was also in the – when I was in the darkness as well, just having the faith that, oh, I am going to grow into these psychic abilities.
00:40:20.080I was a full-on, like, liberal, feminist, vegan, witch, all these things, doing whatever because I didn't care.
00:40:28.100I didn't think that anything mattered, and it's funny when you don't think anything mattered, but I wanted to make contact with something beyond this physical realm.
00:40:36.260But I just – I was like, okay, I'm just going to do whatever drugs I want.
00:40:41.940I'm going to do whatever I want because it feels good, and life is about feeling good and being happy and all these things until it doesn't, until you have to wake up one morning and really face the fact that this isn't making me happy.
00:40:53.700It's actually causing a lot of damage to myself.
00:40:57.720Even if I have stable relationships around me, I'm not stable.
00:41:02.360I'm in pain, and these crystals aren't working anymore.
00:41:05.280The saging, you know, lighting sage and thinking that's going to get these tar beings away, that's not working.
00:41:12.080The hypnotisms, the law of attraction, the vision boards, the manifestations, all of these things that were working for a little while, they stopped working.
00:41:22.840So I totally thought I manifested myself at Travel Channel Show.
00:41:27.560Yeah, because I was visualizing it, and I was going through kind of interviews at that point.
00:41:33.240They're not so much auditions because it wasn't fiction, but I was like, wow, I manifested this.
00:41:39.160I saw myself doing this, and I manifested my husband.
00:41:43.280I manifested this and not realizing that I didn't do any of that.
00:41:46.900So in manifesting for people who are not millennial white women watching this, it's like praying to God, except it's just praying to yourself, basically.
00:41:57.900So you kind of, I think some people believe different things.
00:42:02.140I had the personal belief that the universe, oh my goodness, it's so, it's hard to talk in this sense going back in this verbiage, but I used to think that the universe was, it had your back.
00:42:38.880You've got to do, do, do, do, do all these works, and it was exhausting, and I was doing all of that right up until the moment I got saved.
00:42:44.660And the moment that I started following Jesus, it was like all that load, that weight, that burden, that I had to do all these things to raise my vibration, to access my higher self, to be the best version of me.
00:43:00.260Because that's all kind of Pelagian, right?
00:43:01.980The Pelagian heresy, the notion that you can save yourself, that you do it through your own will, and you don't necessarily need God's grace.
00:43:09.420You say that the view is that the universe is going to bless you, but then you end up having to do all these things, and it doesn't exactly work.
00:43:18.640Whereas Christianity says, it's not that there's no role for you to do stuff.
00:43:22.240You have to cooperate with God's grace, but it's that God's grace comes first, that God's grace really does it all.
00:43:28.440So, you're trying to, you think you've manifested the Travel Channel show.
00:43:35.240Many such cases, I think, in Hollywood, you know, we call it Gamora by the Sea around here.
00:43:47.700Miserable because I was experiencing so much dark activity.
00:43:51.280You know, these things would be with me in my hotel room, messing with me, and literally, I'd be pushed and scratched and pinched and just really taunted and tormented.
00:44:03.340And I was just riddled with fear all the time, and my health was struggling on and off, and I was just not.
00:44:18.220At one point in my journey, I was severely depressed and suicidal.
00:44:23.220That was, that led me deeper into the witchcraft part of it and all that paranormal nonsense.
00:44:30.060But I was just, I was really hurting, and I thought that crystals and the law of attraction, that was like, okay, maybe it's not the deep witchcraft.
00:44:38.620Maybe it's this good, the good magic, the light magic.
00:44:41.440I thought there was a difference between maybe the darkness and the light that I have to just chase after the light.
00:44:46.460So you were seeing the weird tar beings and the ghoulish, goblin-y faces.
00:45:00.880It really stopped in that sense after I came to the Lord, but I can, sometimes I can see darkness on people.
00:45:11.940I've seen that, that tar-ness in people.
00:45:15.320Before I got saved, I was dealing with someone who was under the influence of alcohol and kind of this big fit of rage, and I looked into his eyes, and I could see that same tar in his eyes, and I could just see it kind of wrapped in his body.
00:45:28.740You mean physically, like you'd see tar going down his, or what's that like?
00:45:34.620Kind of, it was almost like this flash and image in my head.
00:45:37.200I'm like, oh, that's what he's struggling with.
00:45:48.700I think Satan also, yeah, that's very good.
00:45:52.380He gives you kind of the perverted gifts of the Spirit where he allows you to, I don't know, see different things and beings, and now I have, I feel like, what's proper with the gift of discernment or being able to see in the spiritual realm.
00:46:08.640Sometimes I can see what people are struggling with sometimes.
00:46:11.900The Lord allows me to just have a quick image in my head sometimes, yeah.
00:46:17.200Yeah, those gifts are quite different, I suppose, in that you might not be able to see, like, squinty goblins, but you might be given patience or something.
00:46:29.200You know, I'll take patience over goblin vision any day of the week.
00:46:32.260Yeah, yeah, because that stuff really, I talk about it a lot with coming out of it.
00:46:37.400There's a lot of PTSD that came with coming out of paranormal in the new age because of all the stuff that I saw, I didn't know how to handle it, and I didn't know, it just kind of, like, it shakes you because I'm like, how can I, first of all, I could never go to a therapist and talk to them about the goblins that I saw or the demons, these tar beings.
00:46:56.320They would look at me like I'm crazy, because I'm like, they're not going to understand, like, I need a, I need, spiritual people, and not everybody at church understands these things as well.
00:47:04.240Did you ever wonder if you just had a screw loose and you needed some Prozac or something?
00:48:53.380And then as I progressed, I knew there could be, at that point, I thought there could be so much more.
00:48:57.800That we could be speaking with, it could be an alien, it could be an angelic being from a different dimension, possibly a, what we would call cryptozoology is talking to Bigfoot or some type of different dimensional beings that I would think, demons, people that I've lived on, and just spiritual entities, even elemental energy where animals, that type of stuff as well.
00:49:26.020So I thought you could really communicate with so many different things, even living people as well.
00:49:31.520You know, the funniest part is people make fun of Christians because we pray to God and to a man who is God, Christ, and to, depending on your background and your denomination or, you know, Christian tradition, you could venerate saints or the Blessed Mother or something like that.
00:50:13.940And so it's so crazy to speak on this from the other side where I was, I thought Christianity was just this box of rules just to keep us down.
00:51:36.320You're in all this craziness and you're praying to Bigfoot and doing all this weird stuff.
00:51:40.860And do you ever, does your early Christian life ever return to you and say, huh, I've tried every single thing I can possibly do from the sage to the pendula to the whatever.
00:52:19.200It felt very, how do I put it, like just mystical and wild and it felt really ancient.
00:52:26.480I remember visiting Ireland where my family's from and I really wanted to go to a summer festival and I forget which one it was, but I was like, I really want to get in touch with my pagan roots.
00:52:36.280I want to reject all that and get in touch with that and it just, I think we are spiritual beings.
00:52:43.440Obviously, God made us that way and we're constantly craving spiritual experiences because we're meant to communicate spiritually with our creator.
00:52:50.680That's how he made us and we're going to be searching everywhere we can because we're very distracted, curious beings.
00:52:58.040He made us very curious with free will.
00:52:59.940It just depends on what you do with that free will, whether that's going to lead you down darkness and destruction or it's going to lead you to life and freedom with Jesus.
00:53:08.520It's funny that people have this sense.
00:53:10.500You're not the only one I've heard express it.
00:53:12.240We say, well, I want to get back to the true old religion.
00:53:15.740There's a fascination in the West, especially in the 60s and 70s, with Eastern religion.
00:53:20.100You know, there's a phrase in the Northeast, the Jew boo, which is some lady who's like probably reformed secular Jew who doesn't take that religion seriously at all, but she's really into like yoga or whatever.
00:53:32.660So it's the Jew, the Buddhist, the Jew boo.
00:53:35.420And, but it's, it's all sorts of people like this and you think, okay, I want to get back to my druidic Irish pagan roots.
00:53:41.940And that, does it ever occur to you, you know, they all converted because St. Patrick worked miracles in front of them.
00:53:53.720He, he's born a grand, born again Christian and he was praying for me that whole time.
00:53:58.220We tried to have conversations and I was living, um, during all this, I was also living with, um, my grandparents at the time as well.
00:54:06.400And just, this was after my parents' divorce, that also caused a lot of hurt.
00:54:10.400So I was seeking just a lot of trauma.
00:54:12.760People that go through trauma, we're trying to heal, we're seeking just anything we can to feel good, whether it's drugs, alcohol, crystals, talking to ghosts.
00:54:20.820But, um, my dad never stopped praying for me and trying to talk to me, but it just fell on deaf ears.
00:54:28.600And it wasn't until, like, right, obviously right before I got saved, it was the lockdowns and COVID and, um, just everything that was going on in 2020, I was experiencing extreme anxiety.
00:54:43.480And everything that I was listening to, like the liberal media, all these different things, all the protests happening, like, I can't get by this stuff.
01:00:08.280Now, Freemasonry has played a big role in not just American politics since the founding, but all over the continent.
01:00:16.900It's been a big part of modernity, and the Freemasons will say that it goes all the way back to Solomon's temple, but there are a lot of stories about these clubs.
01:00:24.580In America, I'm buddies with some Masons.
01:00:28.200They're very nice guys, and they just think of it as a social club.
01:00:31.880In America, more so than in continental Europe, it is kind of a social club.
01:00:35.780And yet, at least for me, you know, I'm a mackerel-snapping papist, the Catholic Church says you cannot be a Freemason.
01:00:42.940In fact, you would automatically be excommunicated.
01:00:45.980It is that Freemasonry is incompatible with the Christian faith in a way that when I mention this to friends of mine who have been involved in Masonry, they say,
01:01:03.740I don't want to claim to be, but from—just from what I've gathered, you're making an oath in secret, and when you're coming—I know the Bible talks about not—don't make oaths, especially in secret as well, because what is ever done in secret will come to light.
01:01:18.160But my only oath is to Jesus and God, and that's all I can really say on that.
01:01:24.460But I know that some people may follow the Bible or whatnot.
01:01:29.720There might be other hidden deeds of darkness.
01:01:33.380I am not at liberty to even go down that path.
01:01:36.980I'm not an expert on that, so I don't want to go down a field that I don't.
01:03:12.280So, just doing all the things, and we were able to go inside, and we didn't do a lot of, I don't think, like readings or stuff in there, but I was able to just see inside of it and whatnot, and they did have a Bible in the center here.
01:03:24.440I'm going to, like, upset a bunch of Freemasons here, but I'm just like—
01:03:27.120They're going to come assassinate you.
01:03:48.080That's kind of this problem we have in the world right now is the moral relativism, where, well, I get to define what is good, and you see this with pro-life arguments, with everything out in the world right now.
01:03:58.960Like, whatever, I'm a good person, but it's very arbitrary, and everyone else gets to decide it.
01:04:04.260And I thought we could all decide our own morals and what is good.
01:04:09.520And so when we're left to our own standard, it's going to vary, and it's all going to fall short.
01:04:15.520And that's why God and Jesus is the only standard.
01:04:18.580At any point before you return to faith, at any point when you're seeing the tar beings and you're hearing the voices and you're depressed and you're suicidal even, do you talk to anyone about this?
01:05:03.680I'm sure, like, a lot of historic cities, especially where I'm from, Boston area, I hosted them myself during the Halloween season especially,
01:05:11.300which we would call the paranormal Christmas because it was a very big thing, a lot of events.
01:05:16.320We would host things at haunted locations and bring people along.
01:06:01.020I think they're coming as aliens because I think that's the one thing that could unite humanity is a threat outside of what's on this planet.
01:06:12.220And I think there's been different projects maybe talked about.
01:06:16.420I think Project Blue Beam is something.
01:06:19.220I believe, I don't know, I've heard it talk about like where that could be a false flag having to do with aliens, probably drones or something.
01:06:26.880But I think the end times also talks about just a lot of, I'm not an expert on the end times as well.
01:06:42.080I'm just like, I just love God and I'm following him and I'm like, no one's going to know until it happens and we can all have theories and whatnot.
01:06:49.660But there's some things that you have to agree on and there's other things that are just secondary and they're very interesting.
01:06:56.960I'm not a biblical scholar, but I just.
01:06:58.940I think the alien thing is a total psyop and I think it is usually a sign that someone is at least entertaining New Age mysticism and Gnosticism.
01:07:08.900Or at the very least is not all that rigid about their theological views.
01:08:12.560Apparently it's a type of alien that's really big and blue and kind of has a bird beak.
01:08:16.760And they communicate with people and tell them things telepathically.
01:08:21.660I was following a lot of people in that realm and kind of, I don't know what you would call it, very new agey, very, I don't really know the term for it.
01:08:32.580But they were into a lot of new age and talking about the earth going from the third dimension to the fifth dimension.
01:08:38.720So we all have to collectively agree and meditate and raise the vibrations.
01:09:40.000The burdens of this world, they're so heavy.
01:09:43.060And I know that even just in my everyday life, if I'm not constantly giving up those burdens and laying them at his feet, I start to feel the weight and I crumble.
01:09:52.440And before I got saved, I felt the burden of having to save the world, whether it was through being vegan, being the best feminist I could be, being as whatever checkbox identity I could be.
01:10:06.940But also having to save the world, getting into a lot of these ideologies that we have to band together and save the world and we've got to overcome darkness.
01:10:16.500You know, I've never put that together.
01:10:18.620But that, even though I just articulated this idea unknowingly, that is what unites the veganism, the climate change hysteria, the hardcore feminists, they're all, the communists, they're all trying to liberate.
01:10:35.780The save humanity from the sun monster or liberate women from the false consciousness or liberate the proletariat from the shackles of their oppression or liberate free, free, save, save.
01:14:11.440I mean, this is, I was mentioning confession earlier.
01:14:13.800When you go in, a requirement of the sacrament is you have to be sincerely repentant and with the authority to loosen, to bind, you know, to forgive sins and to retain sins.
01:14:24.160The priest can say, hey, are you serious?
01:14:26.860Are you actually going to, do you actually have a firm resolve not to commit that sin anymore?
01:14:34.080If you're not, as St. Paul writes, if you're not discerning the body, and actually the early Christian writers write this too, if you're not, then it's, if you're just kind of going through the motions, that's not going to work.
01:14:43.620Like a toddler, I'm sure you can understand as a father, just like, I'm sorry.
01:14:46.980They're just doing things just to do it, or like siblings, you're just, you're saying sorry just to say you're sorry, but are you really sorry?
01:15:09.660And it's, God looks at your heart, and He sees that.
01:15:12.460This is also, a parallel would be the perpetual sacrifice on the altar, you know, Christ's perpetual sacrifice, which is, for modern people, is very difficult to grasp.
01:15:21.980But the sacrifice on the cross is eternal.
01:15:27.500And it's not like it just happened once, and, I mean, Christ does conquer death once.
01:15:31.880But it's perpetual in the sense that, while the matter of the sacrifice is, you know, the body, the form of the sacrifice is the will.
01:15:42.500And Christ wills, His will is that sacrifice eternally.
01:15:46.960And so, like, if you're not discerning that, participating in that, if you're not, if you're just, like, walking through a door and maybe kneeling and maybe, then you're going to have a hard time.
01:15:59.160And now go down about 50,000 rungs to, you know, I am happy and you can too by Johnny, and, you know, and you read these stupid books.
01:16:11.020And there, I guess, I would disagree that only the Bible is a self-help book in the sense, and maybe that's not the claim you're making.
01:16:17.560But there is a sense that there are derivative works from the Bible that are good.
01:16:22.000There is, like, good Christian self-help.
01:16:23.460There's great Christian authors that I've been helped, like, I have many books, I'm like, I don't want to.
01:16:27.680C.S. Lewis is a pretty good one, you know.
01:16:29.480There's a great book, I think it's from the 16th century, called The Spiritual Combat by Dom Lorenzo Scupoli.
01:16:54.300I personally, I see it as tapping into, like, think of someone like Tony.
01:17:00.520I was very into Tony Robbins at one point.
01:17:02.280And I think there's some good aspects where some people need to get out of this, like, self-destructive state.
01:17:08.860But it has you looking at yourself almost like a God being where you're tapping into your inner, I don't know how to describe, like, your inner lion, your inner being that you can just become this great person and all these things.
01:17:24.140And all I know is that it didn't help me.