The Michael Knowles Show - February 10, 2024


WILD Woke Relationships Gone WRONG


Episode Stats

Length

9 minutes

Words per Minute

192.53911

Word Count

1,760

Sentence Count

170

Misogynist Sentences

5

Hate Speech Sentences

7


Summary

Libs are everywhere and they re trying to turn you into a big lib, but it s like it s not working. I ve got a binder full of desperate Libs trying to figure out love and romance and I m here to solve their problems.


Transcript

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00:00:37.600 I have in my hand a binder full of desperate libs trying to figure out love and romance.
00:00:46.140 So your love guru is here.
00:00:48.660 We have a marriage and birth rate problem in this country, even for the libs.
00:00:52.340 I want them to have good, fulfilling lives, to be fruitful and multiply.
00:00:55.720 And so I will solve their problems.
00:00:57.820 First one up.
00:00:58.940 My, 29 male, girlfriend, 29 female, was cuddling another man on our sofa.
00:01:07.020 What's another man doing in your house?
00:01:08.620 Get out of here.
00:01:09.680 Get out of here, man.
00:01:11.180 Shit, you know what I'm saying?
00:01:12.300 I found my girlfriend of nine years.
00:01:14.180 Girlfriend of nine years?
00:01:15.380 Well, there's your problem.
00:01:16.900 You cuck.
00:01:18.620 That's why.
00:01:19.220 That's why you're getting cuckold in.
00:01:20.340 Because you're behaving like a cuckold.
00:01:21.640 And you've got, you, okay.
00:01:25.080 I found my girlfriend of nine years laying on my sofa with another man.
00:01:29.180 He's a friend of hers.
00:01:30.400 And he came over while I was out with my pals.
00:01:34.280 It's not even like, you know, he's the gay best friend.
00:01:37.100 Or he is, you know, one of your friends who's just joking or joking.
00:01:41.040 No, it's just one of her straight male friends who she cuddles with when you're out of the house.
00:01:47.320 That's rough, buddy.
00:01:48.420 I know the guy.
00:01:49.420 He's been over to our house a few times.
00:01:50.780 Yeah, probably a few more times than you think, buddy.
00:01:52.680 And this has never happened in front of me.
00:01:54.960 Neither have I ever implied it was okay for him to lay with her on our sofa.
00:01:59.940 Man, she's testing you and your boundaries.
00:02:02.720 You should fly it into a crazy rage if you were a normal man.
00:02:06.620 When I called her out on this, she told me she doesn't see this as an issue
00:02:10.240 because there's no romantic feelings involved.
00:02:12.600 Oh, baby, you, you got what I need.
00:02:18.860 But you say he's just a friend.
00:02:22.260 Oh, but he ain't just a friend.
00:02:24.060 If you think she's just testing you, which might be the case,
00:02:26.560 then you should say, look, under no circumstances can you ever have
00:02:30.520 just single male friends that you cuddle with on my couch.
00:02:35.300 But, you know, look, I've been kind of a schlub, too,
00:02:37.380 and I haven't proposed and I should have.
00:02:38.700 So I'd love to get married, but not if you're going to, you know,
00:02:41.920 act like a strumpet in my house.
00:02:45.260 So, you know, that's your choice.
00:02:46.660 We get married or you can cuddle, you know, that friend over there.
00:02:51.920 Okay, next one.
00:02:53.080 My partner keeps making offensive jokes about monogamous people.
00:02:55.920 My partner hates them for pushing mononormativity.
00:03:00.080 That's the first time I've ever come across that word.
00:03:02.520 They made a joke about how they should all be put in concentration camps.
00:03:05.640 They told me it's like telling a BIPOC.
00:03:08.640 I've come across this one.
00:03:10.120 I don't think it's a sexual thing.
00:03:12.820 It's not bi like bisexual.
00:03:14.140 I think it's black person of color.
00:03:16.660 I think is what that means.
00:03:17.940 It's like telling a BIPOC they can't make jokes about white people.
00:03:21.280 But I feel that's kind of comparing apples to organges.
00:03:24.740 Organges?
00:03:25.580 I told them I needed some space, but I don't even know how to approach this.
00:03:29.600 Here's what I would recommend you do.
00:03:31.280 You should break up with them.
00:03:33.780 Then you should sort out your spiritual house.
00:03:36.900 Maybe the they needs an exorcism since, you know, their name is legion for they are many.
00:03:42.020 Then you should go talk to the psychologist.
00:03:44.260 Then you should unlearn every single thing you've ever been taught in your entire life.
00:03:49.420 And then maybe you have the chance to lead a flourishing and normal life.
00:03:54.320 Right now, go to woketearswater.com.
00:03:56.540 Are you sick of companies trying to turn you into a big lib?
00:04:00.760 Seems like wokeism's everywhere, right?
00:04:02.300 It's in the air we breathe.
00:04:03.640 It's even in the water we drink until now.
00:04:06.560 That's why there's a new hydration brand out there with a mission to save America from the brave new woke world one sip at a time.
00:04:13.140 Woke Tears Bottled Water is an American brand that is making hydration great again.
00:04:17.600 Woke Tears Water is a legitimate brand of drinking water bottled right here in the U.S. of A.
00:04:21.800 by people who know what a woman is.
00:04:24.080 Made from pure snowflake meltdowns.
00:04:26.920 Woke Tears Water doesn't see color.
00:04:28.880 In fact, this water self-identifies as the most transparent in the world.
00:04:33.140 While everyone else's water is just water, Woke Tears Water provides a refreshing gulp of laughter in a world thirsty for sanity.
00:04:40.600 Not only will drinking Woke Tears Water keep you hydrated, you'll always have a conversation starter as well.
00:04:44.800 If you want to try Woke Tears Water, visit WokeTearsWater.com.
00:04:49.560 Indulge today in laughter and hydration.
00:04:52.520 The two things that are right toward the top of my list of making life possible.
00:04:57.400 WokeTearsWater.com today.
00:04:59.560 Okay, next one.
00:05:00.300 I, a 28-year-old female, have lost weight and now I want to divorce my husband, a 29-year-old male.
00:05:07.560 My husband and I have been married for five years, together for seven.
00:05:10.680 We have a three-year-old kid.
00:05:11.720 Oh my goodness.
00:05:12.880 After having the baby, I struggled to lose baby weight and also struggled with postpartum depression.
00:05:17.120 I wasn't really focused on my appearance.
00:05:18.880 Then my husband started making comments about my body and how I should start working out and wearing makeup again.
00:05:22.760 It made me feel really awful and I worried that he might start looking elsewhere because we weren't being intimate anymore.
00:05:27.940 He even suggested hiring a nanny so I could have more time for myself, but I wanted to be there for our baby full-time, so I turned down the offer.
00:05:34.480 That made him angry and he started acting cold toward me.
00:05:37.520 Months went by without any hugs, kisses, romance, or any kind of affection.
00:05:41.000 My self-esteem, okay, I'm going to put a pause here.
00:05:42.920 I guarantee this husband is addicted to porn.
00:05:45.480 Be honest, babe.
00:05:46.620 It's porn, right?
00:05:48.280 No husband would just not ask his wife for the marital right.
00:05:53.540 Or even like kiss her or hug her or anything.
00:05:55.540 I don't care how chubby she got.
00:05:56.780 Oh my God.
00:05:58.180 You're beautiful.
00:05:59.080 That is prima facie evidence of cheating or porn use.
00:06:05.040 My self-esteem hit rock bottom.
00:06:06.280 Every time I looked in the mirror, all I saw were the flaws that my husband pointed out.
00:06:09.100 By this point, our son was two years old.
00:06:10.800 I took matters into my own hands and hired some help with more free time.
00:06:13.300 I started going to the gym, swimming, and guess what?
00:06:14.860 I've lost a ton of weight and feel amazing.
00:06:16.580 Suddenly, my husband started touching me, kissing me, buying me flowers, and treating me like the complete opposite of how he treated me before.
00:06:23.080 You'd think that would make me feel better, but it made me feel worse.
00:06:25.480 All I could think about were the hurtful things he said to me when I was at my lowest and how cold he was toward me.
00:06:30.360 Why couldn't he love me as a human being and the mother of his child?
00:06:32.580 When my self-esteem came back, I got really angry at myself for putting up with his behavior for so long.
00:06:36.660 A few days ago, I told him I wanted a divorce because I don't think I can move past how badly he treated me.
00:06:40.920 There's no excuse ever for getting a divorce.
00:06:44.340 You know, full stop.
00:06:45.520 And here we go.
00:06:48.720 To say I was angry at my husband because he made some mean comments about me two years ago, so I'm going to blow up my kid's world and force my own problems and my husband's problems on some sweet, innocent baby.
00:06:59.720 What's the matter with you, woman?
00:07:01.340 Get over yourself.
00:07:03.300 It's not about you.
00:07:05.200 You made a vow, and you had a child, and you need to be an adult.
00:07:08.900 Good grief.
00:07:09.620 You are acting like a baby.
00:07:10.980 So, everybody acted poorly here, and lady, you should accept your husband's apology.
00:07:15.820 Husband, you should start acting like a man, and you should sleep together, stay married, and have more kids.
00:07:20.460 Okay, next one.
00:07:21.380 I, male, early 40s, have been polyamorous for over 10 years.
00:07:26.960 It's my natural way of loving and forming relationships.
00:07:29.760 No, you're an overgrown, deviant child.
00:07:34.300 This is just my authentic self is instrumentalizing girls from the gratification of my most base impulses.
00:07:39.880 Aren't I just so quirky?
00:07:42.560 No, you're shameful, and you should be ashamed of yourself and shape up.
00:07:47.480 Monogamy never worked for me.
00:07:49.500 I enjoy both casual and committed relationship sex.
00:07:52.280 Sex for me is a form of connection and fun like almost no other.
00:07:55.960 Oh, wow, you like sex?
00:07:57.360 Wow, you're really quirky.
00:07:59.080 How unique.
00:07:59.940 I have always used condoms.
00:08:01.480 Ugh.
00:08:02.880 Everything about this is so gay.
00:08:06.440 I contracted HSV2 somewhere.
00:08:08.560 Ever since, I tried disclosing my status when dating.
00:08:11.220 Online dating was always hard before, especially as a cisgender polyamorous man.
00:08:16.920 I used to be okay with rejections before, but this one makes me feel dirty and unlovable.
00:08:20.760 Well, look, you're not unlovable, but you are dirty.
00:08:23.260 You are.
00:08:23.900 You're filthy.
00:08:24.540 And the things you do are filthy and shameful.
00:08:26.860 And so you should stop.
00:08:28.820 First thing to do, stop.
00:08:30.520 Second thing to do, confess your sins and receive absolution.
00:08:33.620 Third thing to do, date people in a normal way.
00:08:36.700 And then, this is going to sound crazy, you should get married.
00:08:40.080 And then you can have a child with that person and you can be happy instead of a miserable
00:08:44.320 sex addict, which is what you currently are.
00:08:46.480 The important lesson here is for you to look for the positives in failure.
00:08:51.820 The Love Doctor is now closed for this session.
00:08:55.920 See you next time.
00:08:56.940 We're still having fun.
00:09:06.400 And you're still the one.