The Michael Knowles Show - YES or NO： Jeff Dye

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00:00:17.000 Can you believe we were just pantsing people?

00:00:19.000 Yeah, you'd wait for your friend who trusts you

00:00:22.000 to be like holding a tray of food or something,

00:00:25.000 and then you would just pants him.

00:00:27.000 If he told on you, you'd act incredulous like,

00:00:29.000 Like, oh, God.

00:00:31.000 Here we go.

00:00:32.000 All we did was pull his pants and underwear down,

00:00:35.000 and now he told on us?

00:00:37.000 We're going to have to beat the out of that guy.

00:00:54.000 Welcome to Yes or No, the bibulous battle

00:00:57.000 battle to discover who knows whom better. My guest today is comedian Jeff Dye.

00:01:02.380 Sorry I'm googling bibulous. Bibulous, it's a great word. That's a ten dollar

00:01:07.620 word when a nickel would have done. He is a stand-up comedian and an actor and

00:01:11.060 here is how it works. I'm gonna ask Jeff a yes or no question. He'll lock in his

00:01:15.540 answer away from my prying eyes. Then I will try to guess what he chose. If I

00:01:20.880 guess correctly I get a point. If I guess incorrectly I will lose a point. No

00:01:25.120 No matter what, I usually say I'll end up drinking, but mercifully, Jeff took pity on

00:01:30.060 me today because it's in the morning, and I don't have to slam a martini right when

00:01:34.120 I wake up.

00:01:35.120 I'm having a tasty little smoothie.

00:01:36.120 Then it'll be Jeff's turn.

00:01:37.620 Neither of us has seen the questions beforehand.

00:01:39.620 Whoever has the most points at the end of the game wins.

00:01:42.280 The stakes could be higher.

00:01:44.120 Do you have a wager, Jeff?

00:01:46.360 First of all, thank you for coming on the show.

00:01:47.360 Thanks for having me.

00:01:48.360 I'm a big fan.

00:01:49.360 I'm excited to be here.

00:01:51.360 Yeah, pleasure's all my...

00:01:52.360 Smoothies.

00:01:53.360 Hey, my alcoholism worked out to your advantage.

00:01:54.720 You don't have to drink today.

00:01:56.180 I am so happy you're an alcoholic.

00:01:58.320 I did not.

00:01:59.380 And the fact that you come on.

00:02:00.680 The one thing I'm irritated about, you had two sold-out shows at Zaney's last night.

00:02:04.400 Yes.

00:02:04.720 Nobody informed me of this fact.

00:02:06.560 I got to work on your team.

00:02:07.580 I know.

00:02:08.120 So the shows went great.

00:02:09.520 Yeah.

00:02:09.960 Now you're here.

00:02:10.760 We're smoking nice, tasty breakfast cigars.

00:02:12.520 Yes, I'm very excited.

00:02:13.060 Cheers.

00:02:13.800 Cheers.

00:02:14.400 What's the wager?

00:02:15.600 Oh, I thought about this all morning.

00:02:17.540 You know, when you prep for a show like yes or no.

00:02:20.940 Oh, yeah.

00:02:21.600 You can't stop thinking about it.

00:02:22.840 A little bit of nerves, you know.

00:02:24.140 A little excitement.

00:02:25.220 I was racking my brain.

00:02:27.180 I figured a fair wager.

00:02:29.560 You live in Nashville.

00:02:30.520 I live in Los Angeles.

00:02:32.580 Whoever loses has to move to Iran.

00:02:38.140 I think that is.

00:02:39.860 That's a pretty fair wager.

00:02:40.900 Because we both love where we live.

00:02:42.860 Yeah.

00:02:44.460 But, you know, if this is going to mean something, I think that is.

00:02:48.240 Look, all right, that's fair.

00:02:49.400 Because I was going to say, I was going to say, if I lose, I'll give you like a box of cigars or something.

00:02:54.820 Oh, yeah, we're going to go with cigars for a cigar.

00:02:56.660 Yeah, and if I, but now.

00:03:00.160 What, are you afraid about real estate in Iran?

00:03:02.160 Yeah, and on top of that.

00:03:03.660 Can't afford it with your big fancy show?

00:03:06.600 Oh, what are the prices in Iran?

00:03:08.980 I don't know what that is.

00:03:09.580 I can't wait.

00:03:10.960 I'd rather live in Tehran post-Rubio than at the Trump Hotel and Casino in Gaza, which also will be built.

00:03:17.760 So, we have the stakes on the table.

00:03:20.740 Okay, got it.

00:03:21.980 You know the rules?

00:03:22.880 Yes, sir.

00:03:23.860 I don't really.

00:03:25.020 I ask every time.

00:03:26.220 I was lying when I said that, but I just figured, you know, say it with confidence, we'll roll through it, edit it, you know?

00:03:32.400 This is live.

00:03:33.120 Of all the modern medical diagnosis fads, which increasingly seem to be ways to dodge personal accountability,

00:03:40.900 is dyslexia just an excuse for not wanting to proofread text messages?

00:03:45.460 That is absurd.

00:03:48.100 I have to guess how you would answer.

00:03:51.900 It's well written.

00:03:52.940 It was very funny.

00:03:54.060 It was written by a dyslexic.

00:03:55.320 I'm not even joking.

00:03:55.820 I know, but it's very...

00:03:56.480 That actually was written.

00:03:57.840 Well, I just like, which increasingly seems to be ways to dodge personal accountability.

00:04:01.800 It's very funny.

00:04:02.820 Yeah.

00:04:04.120 Now, do you have your answer?

00:04:05.600 I haven't locked in.

00:04:06.260 This is how you would.

00:04:06.660 Yeah.

00:04:06.960 It is locked in.

00:04:07.800 No, I said, now I'm locked in.

00:04:09.100 But I feel like you could have saw my thumb.

00:04:11.020 Yeah.

00:04:11.680 It's not...

00:04:12.440 So, it's not just an excuse.

00:04:14.580 No.

00:04:14.700 But Newsom, is Newsom dyslexic, do you think?

00:04:17.280 I don't know.

00:04:18.080 He says he is.

00:04:18.720 I think he's retarded.

00:04:20.680 And we should never, ever conflate dyslexia with retardism.

00:04:27.120 It'd be unfair.

00:04:28.460 It'd be insensitive.

00:04:29.300 Yeah, also, it's just like the medical colleges don't teach that.

00:04:32.600 Right.

00:04:33.220 Dyslexia and retardism are very different colleges.

00:04:36.600 And we got to see, I'm a sensitive guy.

00:04:38.620 I'm trying to be sensitive to these subjects.

00:04:41.240 Yeah, I have dyslexia.

00:04:42.740 Do you know that?

00:04:43.280 Do you?

00:04:43.720 Yeah.

00:04:43.980 But it's fine

00:04:45.540 Can you

00:04:47.100 Because Newsom said

00:04:48.160 It flares up every once and again

00:04:50.100 Not a big deal

00:04:52.120 You're looking at yes or no

00:04:53.180 And then it switches

00:04:54.000 Yeah

00:04:54.440 But times I've noticed it in my life

00:04:57.000 One time I was

00:04:59.820 It's a glass door

00:05:01.760 And on this side it said pull

00:05:03.800 But because it's a glass door

00:05:06.420 The pull was backwards

00:05:07.660 And I'm sitting there pulling

00:05:09.340 And I think I'm going crazy

00:05:10.760 It says pull

00:05:12.840 Yeah.

00:05:13.260 My friend's like, yeah, it's on the other side.

00:05:14.700 And I was like, oh, but like, it was very, those are the kind of moments where I see it rear its head.

00:05:19.240 But who cares?

00:05:20.000 Do you, do you find, so I've found that my buddies who are dyslexic actually are better at show business because they have better spatial reasoning.

00:05:28.540 It's not a punchline.

00:05:29.300 It's not a joke.

00:05:29.720 I actually think they, like their brains work in a different way.

00:05:32.760 But, so Newsom said, because he's dyslexic, he doesn't read.

00:05:36.640 He can't read.

00:05:37.140 Do you read?

00:05:37.880 I read all the time.

00:05:38.780 Yeah.

00:05:39.400 So he's just, that's a completely ridiculous.

00:05:41.080 I think it is true.

00:05:42.100 People use it as an excuse.

00:05:43.080 I used it as an excuse growing up.

00:05:44.440 I would go, I can't do this.

00:05:45.340 I have dyslexia.

00:05:45.900 I would go, oh, I got a little excuse to not have to do the thing.

00:05:49.940 But I listen to books.

00:05:51.640 Yeah.

00:05:52.080 That's better.

00:05:52.720 I'm a better listener than a reader.

00:05:54.180 Also, you can multitask.

00:05:55.320 You can't, like, hold a book and, like, drive your car.

00:05:57.880 You can put it on the thing.

00:05:59.500 Yeah.

00:06:00.140 So I find dyslexia is kind of an advantage.

00:06:04.500 I don't know.

00:06:05.120 I have dysphoria.

00:06:06.140 I have gender dysphoria.

00:06:07.200 Oh, you do?

00:06:08.140 Oh, that's huge right now.

00:06:09.400 It is.

00:06:10.120 It's a big one.

00:06:11.060 It's a new excuse to be a pervert, actually.

00:06:13.360 That's really what it's for.

00:06:14.380 Okay, you're up.

00:06:15.500 All right.

00:06:16.120 So I'm going to unlock no.

00:06:18.640 Are you comfortable with the fact that if you died today,

00:06:22.400 your tombstone, in public opinion, would read,

00:06:26.100 the guy who wanted to eradicate trannies from public life entirely?

00:06:31.840 Public life?

00:06:35.760 Old Moderate Michael, scrambling the fence again.

00:06:39.000 What does that mean?

00:06:41.060 Uh, like my tombstone in public opinion?

00:06:44.440 What does that mean?

00:06:45.200 Yeah.

00:06:45.680 My obituary?

00:06:46.640 I don't know.

00:06:47.160 I don't know.

00:06:47.900 But yeah, I think that they're suggesting that if you died right now,

00:06:51.680 this is what would be on your tombstone.

00:06:53.700 Wow.

00:06:54.120 Which I disagree with the premise, but if that is true,

00:06:57.200 would you be comfortable with that?

00:06:58.700 I got my answer.

00:06:59.600 Yeah.

00:07:00.060 I'm going to go with no.

00:07:02.040 Yeah.

00:07:02.420 All right.

00:07:02.680 I get that point.

00:07:03.320 You're moving to Tehran.

00:07:05.500 Wait, you said yes?

00:07:06.580 Yeah.

00:07:07.020 I did say yeah.

00:07:07.340 You'd be comfortable with that?

00:07:08.440 That's okay.

00:07:08.940 It doesn't bother me.

00:07:09.280 No, you wouldn't.

00:07:10.400 That's fine.

00:07:10.840 Whatever.

00:07:11.060 first of all, I'd be dead, so I'd either be

00:07:13.340 in heaven, in which case I'm comfortable

00:07:15.140 with anything, or I'd be burning in hell,

00:07:17.340 in which case I couldn't ever be comfortable.

00:07:19.140 It isn't, are you comfortable now

00:07:21.320 in that state, it's

00:07:23.060 are you comfortable with what is on that

00:07:25.140 tombstone? Am I today, or would I be

00:07:27.220 comfortable? Are you comfortable with

00:07:29.080 the fact... Okay, yeah.

00:07:30.920 Okay, alright, that's fair. You're not

00:07:33.120 dyslexic. You read that better than I read

00:07:35.160 that, and I'm listening. Well, I'm obsessed

00:07:36.940 with words, you know, but

00:07:38.920 the, uh, it's like

00:07:41.680 Am I comfortable with it?

00:07:42.520 I would be angry for you if that's how you were remembering.

00:07:45.260 Yeah, okay.

00:07:46.420 Look, I'm comfortable with it in the sense that I rejoice in my sufferings.

00:07:51.920 If I even merit an obituary in the New York Times or something, some liberal paper,

00:07:59.360 it's going to say this ugly, stupid jerk died today.

00:08:06.440 Look, an ISIS commander dies.

00:08:08.400 as they say, the austere, brilliant, beautiful

00:08:10.520 religious scholar, the poet, whatever.

00:08:12.540 And then Scott Adams dies

00:08:14.600 and they say, like, a racist cartoonist

00:08:16.500 dead. Celebrations at age. It happened this

00:08:18.380 week, actually.

00:08:20.500 Chuck Norris' thing was like,

00:08:22.280 maybe his politics

00:08:24.180 will take away from his

00:08:25.980 being remembered.

00:08:28.720 But you see, like, what they wrote about

00:08:30.220 Rob Reiner, and it was, like, the most sweet,

00:08:32.480 nice thing. Or the Ayatollah.

00:08:34.540 Yeah, yeah.

00:08:35.720 So I guess I'm comfortable with it in the sense that

00:08:38.400 Yeah, if I even merit an obituary, it's going to be the guy who wanted to genocide the trannies and...

00:08:46.560 Merit an obituary?

00:08:47.800 Yeah, I don't know.

00:08:48.800 My Uncle Al got an obituary, and you're way more successful than him.

00:08:53.960 He was just some creep.

00:08:55.320 Yeah, what did they say about Uncle Al?

00:08:57.240 Nothing good.

00:08:58.300 He was survived by his fifth wife.

00:09:01.380 Yeah.

00:09:02.800 Yes.

00:09:03.560 Yeah.

00:09:04.160 Yeah.

00:09:04.840 You're right.

00:09:05.380 I'm more comfortable with the tranny thing than some of that.

00:09:07.060 fight all the holes in his resume he said he had money you know it's it's i'm not comfortable with

00:09:14.140 that for you i think you're a great man and i hate that people write weird well thank you i

00:09:18.080 appreciate that yeah i want actually i guess my uh my obituary is going to be in farsi if i lose

00:09:23.540 this game so we'll find out uh this is a video prompt that we have to watch before i oh he's

00:09:28.700 oh you know that they're gonna let a trans chick fight a biological female yeah i'm go along guy

00:09:34.680 I'm going, hey, I don't, you know, hey.

00:09:38.060 Hey, man, you know, hey, why do you care, man?

00:09:41.240 She wants to fight.

00:09:42.260 She can fight.

00:09:42.920 Whatever she believes, she is beautiful.

00:09:44.440 You know, it's nice.

00:09:46.520 Right, that's good.

00:09:47.160 That's nice.

00:09:47.720 Go-along guy.

00:09:48.520 That's good.

00:09:49.680 Trying to be nice.

00:09:50.540 Want to be everybody's friend.

00:09:51.700 Want everyone to get along.

00:09:52.540 You know, and then the fight came on, and they were like, in this corner, Tamika.

00:09:57.580 She's like, hi, I'm a regular lady.

00:09:59.600 Hi.

00:10:01.060 Happy to be here.

00:10:01.940 Happy to be here.

00:10:02.420 And they're going, in this corner, Fallon Fox.

00:10:05.420 She's like, oh, God.

00:10:08.420 I was like, oh, God, they're gonna fight?

00:10:11.420 And Brennan's like, that's what we were telling you earlier.

00:10:13.420 And I was like, oh, I think I have some opinions, actually.

00:10:15.420 I've suddenly formed a few opinions.

00:10:18.420 I'm no longer go-along guy.

00:10:20.420 They shouldn't do this.

00:10:22.420 And the fight went exactly how you think it went.

00:10:25.420 It was about 12 seconds of Fallon Fox going,

00:10:30.420 Tameka's skull is breaking into...

00:10:34.020 We agree men shouldn't beat up women.

00:10:39.100 Right.

00:10:39.780 Side question.

00:10:41.260 Will Gina Carano beat Ronda Rousey on May 16th?

00:10:44.620 All right.

00:10:46.080 What you're going to say is...

00:10:50.140 No, I got it wrong.

00:10:53.800 You think Gina Carano's going to beat Ronda Rousey?

00:10:55.480 With this, the big reveal on these is very strange.

00:10:58.520 I know, yeah.

00:10:59.140 They just kind of tell you.

00:11:00.780 Yeah, I think Gina Carano's going to win.

00:11:03.480 Why do you think that?

00:11:04.060 Because I bet with my heart, not with my brain.

00:11:07.040 Yeah, do you know why I actually, look, I love Gina.

00:11:10.320 She's been on this show.

00:11:12.160 Gina, though, how do I say this?

00:11:14.260 Because I'm a married guy.

00:11:16.360 I don't want it to seem like I'm sad.

00:11:17.600 She's hot.

00:11:18.060 Yeah, she's like kind of, she's slimmed even a little bit.

00:11:21.400 And I just fear.

00:11:22.200 And she's always been gorgeous.

00:11:23.600 She's always been beautiful.

00:11:24.600 She's very beautiful.

00:11:25.140 I fear that now her, like, even being a little trimmer,

00:11:28.960 that's going to give her a disadvantage in the fight.

00:11:30.720 Oh, by the way, I should be very clear on this.

00:11:33.760 When I'm talking about her body, it isn't about weight fluctuation.

00:11:37.460 It's just like I'm not into, like, big strong chicks.

00:11:40.320 It was the muscle thing.

00:11:41.900 It's like there were times where Gina was like,

00:11:44.420 hey, maybe that's not as hot.

00:11:45.540 She beat the hell out of me, you know.

00:11:47.580 But she's always beautiful.

00:11:49.020 She's always been cool.

00:11:49.780 I'm going to that fight, by the way.

00:11:51.120 Can I?

00:11:52.880 I love Gina Carano.

00:11:54.200 Yeah.

00:11:54.340 No, that's my preference.

00:11:55.740 I hate watching women fight.

00:11:58.540 Really?

00:11:59.060 Yeah, I mean, I like watching them fight in kind of like in the office

00:12:01.960 when they're just being catty to each other, and that's kind of it.

00:12:04.060 But in physical fights, I have to walk.

00:12:06.300 If I go to UFC and the girls start fighting, I go get a drink.

00:12:10.140 Interesting.

00:12:10.940 I cannot watch it.

00:12:12.040 I don't know.

00:12:12.600 It might, maybe I'm, I can't tell if that makes me chivalry.

00:12:14.400 Why do you think that is?

00:12:15.760 I can't tell if it's chivalry.

00:12:17.200 Yeah.

00:12:17.460 It might be just chivalry.

00:12:18.420 I don't want to say, or I don't know, maybe I'm just nuts.

00:12:20.400 What if we gave them weapons?

00:12:21.580 Yeah.

00:12:22.440 Then would you be in?

00:12:23.340 Well, yeah, if I didn't have to look the loser in the face afterward, because she would be splayed out, you know, splattered on the mat, then maybe I could do it.

00:12:32.100 I'll admit this here.

00:12:33.400 I'm not really into any fighting.

00:12:35.640 Even the guys, I'm going, Jesus, if these were dogs, this would be against the law.

00:12:39.840 You know, like, this is crazy.

00:12:41.760 Like, I watch fake wrestling.

00:12:43.500 Like, I watch WWE and AEW and stuff like that.

00:12:45.920 Like, I like that it's predetermined.

00:12:47.360 I like that it's a show.

00:12:49.840 You know, I know they're not really hurting each other.

00:12:51.440 I know they're buddies.

00:12:52.480 So to be honest, any kind of fighting makes me a little, you know, not comfortable.

00:12:57.820 But I'm friends with Joe and I'm friends with Brennan Schaub and all these guys who love it.

00:13:01.240 And so they've kind of made me into it just because I like them and I like being around them.

00:13:05.140 But I also have, I'm a hater when it comes to Ronda Rousey.

00:13:08.600 I've always been a hater.

00:13:10.140 I don't like her attitude.

00:13:11.900 I know that she's a badass and she's the best at what she does.

00:13:15.220 And I respect that.

00:13:16.920 And Joe loves her and defends her and says that she's like a competitor.

00:13:20.260 But I like people that are nice.

00:13:21.820 Could you beat up Ronda Rousey?

00:13:23.580 No.

00:13:24.200 No, I don't think so.

00:13:25.220 I don't, see, I remember we asked this.

00:13:26.840 Let's get, let's get that, let's get that going.

00:13:29.420 Man, that would be a great bit.

00:13:30.780 Yeah, you'd watch that, eh?

00:13:31.640 I would, I'd watch, I'm learning stuff about myself.

00:13:35.560 We asked some, like, millennial, this was 10 years ago,

00:13:39.000 one of the millennial staffers, back when we were young,

00:13:41.520 when millennials were young, and we're like,

00:13:43.240 do you think that a woman can beat up a man?

00:13:45.600 And he said, absolutely.

00:13:47.260 I was like, I don't think that basically any woman

00:13:49.860 can beat up basically any man.

00:13:52.860 It's like when that tennis player,

00:13:55.040 Karsten Brosh, played the...

00:13:56.240 Yes, they really buried that.

00:13:58.260 Yeah, yeah.

00:13:58.920 You can't almost find that

00:14:00.240 anywhere on the internet.

00:14:01.020 You gotta do some deep diving

00:14:02.100 to find that, yeah.

00:14:03.260 All right, so the only way to find out

00:14:04.900 if Ronda Rousey could beat you up

00:14:06.980 is to film it on this show.

00:14:08.780 I think I could knock her out.

00:14:10.440 Here's what I think.

00:14:12.060 I think I could knock.

00:14:13.260 I got the reach.

00:14:14.040 I got big fists, whatever.

00:14:15.580 But I think that she would try

00:14:16.940 to do some wormy thing

00:14:18.080 where she gets me on the ground

00:14:19.620 and then she'd break my arm and then everyone

00:14:21.600 would laugh in my face. That's what I think would

00:14:23.600 happen. Because she knows judo, she

00:14:25.460 knows what she's doing. So like

00:14:27.560 I would say if we fought, she would

00:14:29.280 indefinitely win for sure. Because she'd get

00:14:31.440 wormy. Yeah. Alright. Yeah, she's all

00:14:33.620 squirrely and all that. But I think I could maybe

00:14:35.640 just rack her one and then people would be like,

00:14:37.500 oh, dude. But that's, these kind

00:14:39.620 of conversations are

00:14:41.500 tricky, you know? Like one time... When you're talking

00:14:43.640 about beating women. Yeah, you know?

00:14:45.280 I mean, I see it on Mortal Kombat all the time.

00:14:47.940 Yeah. Sony Blade gets beat up

00:14:49.500 by Sub-Zero, no one says anything.

00:14:51.080 This is like that.

00:14:51.680 I talk about knocking out Ronda Rousey,

00:14:53.280 everyone's like,

00:14:53.640 can you believe what he said

00:14:54.420 to Michael Knowles?

00:14:56.420 This is the trash talk

00:14:57.700 before the fight.

00:14:58.820 Yeah, she's going to get

00:14:59.740 wormy and squirrely.

00:15:00.940 I'll knock her with a right hook.

00:15:02.380 Okay, you're up.

00:15:03.300 I know all my X's and O's

00:15:04.580 with that talk, don't I?

00:15:06.080 Well, me and my buddy

00:15:06.800 were always laughing about

00:15:07.880 one time, he's always

00:15:09.300 coming up with these things.

00:15:10.100 He goes, man, you think

00:15:11.440 a chimp could beat up a guy?

00:15:13.260 And then every way he talks

00:15:14.700 about, you know, these monkeys,

00:15:15.860 how strong they are

00:15:16.660 and all this stuff.

00:15:17.480 And I go, dude, it wouldn't go

00:15:18.600 the way you think it would go dude what would happen is they'd have some guy out

00:15:22.100 there like Bobby Lashley like I'm gonna beat up this monkey and the monkey's

00:15:26.400 just kind of doesn't even know he's in a fight smoking a sink Bobby Lashley just kills the monkey's dead and then

00:15:34.100 everyone's like we shouldn't have done this cuz the monkey don't know he's

00:15:38.080 gonna fight a guy yeah wow you know everyone's just standing by the cage

00:15:44.080 God he just killed that

00:15:47.080 If at least the monkey put up a fight I can't tolerate it

00:15:51.420 Why do we do this? Yeah, we give him lessons we kept saying you're gonna fight this guy and he wasn't listening

00:15:57.480 He doesn't have a eating an apple

00:15:59.480 Yeah, it's sad. This is sad. You gotta clear your answer

00:16:06.660 It's a video or photo prompt. Oh dear

00:16:10.800 it's your past guest

00:16:13.360 sorry boy

00:16:13.800 man

00:16:14.880 it's hot on Africa out there

00:16:17.100 what's up fat Oliver

00:16:18.560 listen

00:16:19.440 I need a couple lighters

00:16:21.160 you got a couple lighters

00:16:22.400 you walk around with that

00:16:23.820 you want to

00:16:24.940 do you know who the

00:16:26.440 you are man

00:16:27.460 don't get your pennies in a bunch

00:16:28.660 you need to step the

00:16:29.280 I don't understand your lingo

00:16:31.060 you like it

00:16:31.680 that is Ari Shaffir

00:16:36.680 from The Amazing Racist

00:16:38.240 which was live on

00:16:40.020 myspace man that really takes me back to it's old nice old internet so here's your question

00:16:47.080 in the year of our lord 2026 is this racist hmm i have to think what you're gonna answer

00:16:56.840 no i said no yeah give me that point all right what do you mean no no it's not because truly

00:17:03.120 that to me is p the peak unracist no it's not when you get the clansman and the black guy

00:17:09.720 It's not because.

00:17:11.900 But, yeah, let's just be clear.

00:17:13.420 Yeah, I want to start with the Klansman.

00:17:14.600 When you have the Klansman calling a black guy Fat Albert and boy.

00:17:20.040 Boy, boy.

00:17:21.100 And he's carrying a crucifix that he needs lighter fluid for or whatever.

00:17:25.740 Yeah, lighter, yeah.

00:17:26.780 No, it's because, as I can tell, the 90s into the 2000s,

00:17:31.600 actually probably pretty much right up to Obama, there was no racism.

00:17:36.100 The racism was kind of over.

00:17:38.140 Starting, I would say, post-Rodney King, pre-Obama.

00:17:42.280 There was this period where race relations were as good as they've ever been.

00:17:46.960 And so the joke here is that, like, a black guy and a white guy will be in this sketch, and it's totally fine.

00:17:52.900 Even that's supposed to be kind of offensive, but it was all fun and games.

00:17:56.040 Yeah.

00:17:56.300 Whereas now, it got more real.

00:18:00.060 I don't know.

00:18:00.520 Like, it seems like all of the really edgy accounts online, all the stuff they're posting is like, hey, hey, do you know about IQs and stuff?

00:18:10.280 And you're like, here we go.

00:18:11.140 Hey, do you know about it?

00:18:12.120 Do you know that in Somalia, the IQs?

00:18:13.660 It's like, yeah, I know.

00:18:14.320 I get what you're saying.

00:18:15.440 Yeah, but it's the black people.

00:18:17.240 Yeah, I know.

00:18:17.920 I know what you're saying, man.

00:18:19.140 Yeah.

00:18:19.380 But they mean it really seriously.

00:18:21.220 I think, whereas there was this kind of.

00:18:22.760 But is racist mean seriously?

00:18:26.040 Yeah, I think to be a real racist.

00:18:28.400 Because things are racist that are funny.

00:18:30.520 That's racist, but it's also hilarious and it's satire and it's absurd because like like Yosemite Sam is absurd

00:18:37.520 But he's kind of circles back around to funny because it's so like they really you know like yeah

00:18:42.120 Like this is there's racism that is terrible and then there's some racism. That's just funny

00:18:48.160 But it's deaf damn sure races. Well, you have to start with the premise that all stereotypes are true

00:18:53.620 Every stereotype is true by definition. That's how it became a stereotype. And so if you like if you say

00:19:00.520 I don't know, I can't think of a good example.

00:19:01.880 I'm standing across from a comedian.

00:19:03.000 I can't think of a good, like, funny example.

00:19:04.620 But if you were to make some stereotypical observation

00:19:07.040 about a black guy or a Mexican or whatever,

00:19:09.220 it's like, oh, you know, here we go, Jamal over here.

00:19:11.320 Yeah.

00:19:11.980 And you're pals about it.

00:19:14.760 I don't, I think racism implies animosity.

00:19:18.860 You know, I think it implies.

00:19:19.780 Okay, so that's what you meant,

00:19:20.980 that there's no animosity in there.

00:19:22.440 Yeah, it's really the opposite of that.

00:19:24.400 Whereas today, like, if you make, even the IQ thing or like, you know, hey, cross the street when that guy's walking in the street.

00:19:34.280 Yeah, yeah.

00:19:34.920 You're going to say it like this, like, you know.

00:19:36.760 Right.

00:19:37.260 You know, 13% of the population, that's 51% of the group, or whatever it is.

00:19:41.180 Because we whisper when we do statistics.

00:19:43.200 Yes, we do, we do.

00:19:45.200 The whispering does, I think, give away a little of the animosity.

00:19:48.700 Sure.

00:19:48.920 So I think that, no, I think that was probably the least racist America ever was, and it was downhill from there.

00:19:54.400 yeah i can i agree with that but i think that like i dabble in so like we're in jokes because

00:20:01.560 i live in joke world you know so like i'm just trying to have a good time and be playful but

00:20:05.620 like that's why people go that's sexist you go yeah sexism's funny yeah like it's bad to be sexist

00:20:10.700 but it can be funny and that's the kind of the the point is we're taking the light out of things

00:20:15.500 so it's like yes racism is bad don't be racist but it's funny and like we can use jokes and

00:20:22.060 tape make light of it you can there's a there's a nice side of these things that you can you can

00:20:26.660 use you know what that could be the next special the nice side of racism yeah what do you think

00:20:31.040 to me the case in point is that chris rock bit that famous chris rock bit from the 90s where

00:20:35.920 he's like you know i love black people but i hate he's talking about what's the rest i forgot what's

00:20:41.240 that word yeah where's uh i didn't i don't know this bit where's kramer when you need him to go

00:20:46.500 So he does this bit, you know, and it's very, very famous.

00:20:50.500 He does it for years.

00:20:51.900 And then at some point he stops doing it.

00:20:54.100 Right.

00:20:54.480 And he said he stopped doing it because the wrong kind of people were laughing a little too hard.

00:20:59.300 Interesting.

00:20:59.780 And it was, when he did it in the 90s, it was all good.

00:21:02.900 Yeah.

00:21:03.260 But then it's not that the bit changed.

00:21:05.740 It's not that white people and black people changed, but the culture changed.

00:21:09.060 Yeah.

00:21:09.400 To the point that he was like, you know, all right, this is no longer, it doesn't land quite like it used to.

00:21:14.220 Right, that's interesting.

00:21:15.260 you know, the times kind of change around it.

00:21:17.260 Yeah, I just think that, like, the jokes are such a good thing for all that.

00:21:20.720 That's why it's weird that people get so mad at comics and me in general

00:21:24.460 for, like, making these things.

00:21:26.180 You're like, well, that's kind of the point.

00:21:28.100 You know, like, people are going to hear these opinions, you know?

00:21:30.180 Like, they don't want to hear CNN talk about trans people.

00:21:33.400 They don't want to hear Fox News talk about trans people.

00:21:35.740 It's going to be considered so tumultuous and angry.

00:21:38.500 But, like, you'll go listen to a comic talk about it, you know?

00:21:40.860 Yeah.

00:21:41.000 And be like, oh, I get that.

00:21:42.000 Like, you'll hear it if it's coming through a joke or a comedy club.

00:21:45.600 Right, right.

00:21:46.020 And that's kind of a fun, you know, thing for us.

00:21:49.800 Yeah, yeah, that's true.

00:21:52.040 So then I guess the follow-up would be, like, what's your least favorite race?

00:21:55.940 Good question.

00:21:59.900 I got to go with the Filipinos, I think.

00:22:03.960 That's, like, the nicest one.

00:22:05.320 I know, yeah, yeah.

00:22:06.140 It's just fresh in my brain because, like, Theo Vaughn always is talking about the Filipinos being the best.

00:22:10.860 And I just go worse.

00:22:11.820 No, I don't have a worst.

00:22:13.840 I got a favorite.

00:22:14.900 Mexicans, my favorite.

00:22:15.940 Really?

00:22:16.200 Why?

00:22:16.420 Yeah, their culture's the best.

00:22:18.560 They're very, no, I'm being sincere.

00:22:20.640 I go to Mexico all the time.

00:22:21.880 Yeah.

00:22:22.340 The Mexicans have the best sense of humor, right, as far as, like, they're never complaining.

00:22:28.320 They're always working really hard.

00:22:30.500 They're always, they'll do anything, like, as far as, like, nothing's above them or beneath them when it comes to, like, a job or a family.

00:22:36.440 They always got a nice family, family values.

00:22:39.360 They're very, they like pro wrestling, you know.

00:22:41.700 They've always got a, they usually have two families, one, but they left behind and one in the States, you know, I just, I really value Mexican culture.

00:22:52.500 I like it.

00:22:53.480 They seem to be grateful and happy, and I really like that.

00:22:57.720 Wow.

00:22:58.100 Yeah.

00:22:59.000 You can go up to, I'll give you an example, because I used to have a travel show on NBC.

00:23:01.600 We'd go to all these different countries.

00:23:02.900 You can go up to a bunch of strangers in Mexico and be like, there you are, you pieces of shit.

00:23:07.200 Like, they're just happy.

00:23:08.560 They didn't even hear what you said.

00:23:10.020 You know, but try that in Russia.

00:23:11.700 If you go up to just some guy's drinking vodka with oranges in a parking lot and he's calling pieces of shit, they'll kill you.

00:23:19.000 Yeah, the northern peoples, they are more alcoholic.

00:23:22.000 I think the most alcoholic country in the world is Iceland.

00:23:24.360 Icelanders are great people, but they're very kind of dark, ironic, alcoholic.

00:23:29.660 And yeah, maybe those southern people.

00:23:31.740 They've got that kind of like everybody's sullen, kind of commie look.

00:23:36.220 Jaded, yeah.

00:23:37.140 Like an 80s villain.

00:23:38.320 um but i think mexican culture is very light it's very like the even even just going into a

00:23:45.220 restaurant you're a tourist right which everybody every country for somehow now hates tourists for

00:23:49.340 some reason but i don't know why that's a trend give us too much money yeah i don't know i hate

00:23:53.040 that they come here and love what we do and give us money but that's the new thing is to hate

00:23:56.720 tourists but not in mexico they're like how are you guys and like there's a good morning and

00:24:00.280 yeah i remember like um one time i drank too much which is why i'm clean now but i just woke up on

00:24:06.340 the ground in Mexico with like a sore jaws like I must have said something and someone punched me

00:24:11.000 you know and so I just wake up in the gravel and I was just like whatever and this dude coming from

00:24:15.300 a resort that worked at the resort goes hola amigo and I was like hello friend he just saw

00:24:22.160 some loser that got knocked out the night before who's clearly got a drinking problem and he's

00:24:27.160 working at a resort and he saw me and thought hello friend like that's like so nice they're

00:24:33.140 the best race.

00:24:33.820 All right, because I

00:24:34.580 previously hated Mexicans.

00:24:36.040 But you're convincing me.

00:24:36.980 Yeah, all right.

00:24:38.140 Comedy wins.

00:24:38.680 Okay, all right.

00:24:40.200 If you had to choose a struggle

00:24:42.160 between being Spanish,

00:24:45.020 French-Canadian,

00:24:46.200 German,

00:24:47.120 and of Jewish descent,

00:24:49.360 would being Canadian

00:24:51.000 be the heaviest burden?

00:24:53.020 What a funny question.

00:24:54.300 If you had to choose,

00:24:55.040 I know, I'm trying to figure

00:24:55.640 out what it means.

00:24:56.840 If you had to choose

00:24:57.640 a struggle, a conf,

00:24:59.740 as some have called it,

00:25:00.980 between the Spaniards,

00:25:03.020 the french canadians the germans and the jews do the canadians have it the worst well this is

00:25:08.220 more of a joke than a question isn't it uh so now hold on you gotta put your answer i'll guess your

00:25:13.980 answer all right ready according to wikipedia is the canadians have the heaviest burden

00:25:22.940 if you had to choose it was it would be a cigar by the way thank you thanks i appreciate that

00:25:27.660 how often do you smoke cigars on this i very rarely actually on this show nice this but when you

00:25:33.020 came in. You said, oh, I wish we were having a cigar. I was like, cigars, go to the humidor

00:25:37.280 immediately. One time I had a meeting here and I asked if I could meet you and I went into your

00:25:43.200 thing and you were just in the middle of working or something. I was like, hey, I'm like walking

00:25:46.780 around. Hey, what is this? I was like touching everything. And I was like, I'm really into

00:25:50.640 cigars. And you're like, all right. I could tell you were like, dude, who is this guy that's

00:25:53.980 wandering? But I remember thinking, I'll smoke a cigar with this guy. Another solicitation for

00:25:59.520 cigars coming by. Yeah, yeah.

00:26:01.360 I'm glad. We're going to get some extra. But we did it.

00:26:03.320 Yeah, we're smoking cigars. Okay.

00:26:07.840 What do you think I wrote to this

00:26:09.220 verbal nonsense?

00:26:13.880 This plithy

00:26:15.080 display of words. Okay, I

00:26:17.260 say yes.

00:26:19.900 Nope.

00:26:21.680 Point Jeff. Who is it? The Jews?

00:26:23.820 Uh, no, French Canadians.

00:26:25.380 French Canadians. Ah!

00:26:28.420 And then you know what it is?

00:26:29.520 everything in my life is valued by kindness right you can make whatever joke you can do whatever

00:26:35.180 you'd like really you could have terrible values but if you're kind that's what i like i like nice

00:26:41.080 kind people and so that's why i like the mexicans as i was saying earlier but french canadians are

00:26:46.540 yeah they're so mad all the time i'm always trying to cheer them up the whole time i'm there i'm

00:26:52.060 like what's your problem and they're like nothing like they're just always they they hate americans

00:26:56.220 they hate, I don't know. Everything.

00:26:58.180 They hate Canada. They don't like it.

00:26:59.940 That's the greatest...

00:27:02.760 Oh, so the Canadians don't have...

00:27:03.760 Well, hold on. But it's the heaviest burden.

00:27:06.280 Like, they're the most put-upon people.

00:27:07.980 The French Canadians behave like the most put-upon people,

00:27:10.220 but they're not really. No, they're not.

00:27:11.480 They have a silly little province and a silly country.

00:27:13.660 Right, they're safe because of us.

00:27:15.340 Yeah, yeah. So that's sort of like...

00:27:17.800 These Canadians, somebody's got to put them in check.

00:27:20.340 My argument...

00:27:21.340 We could take over that place in, I don't know, 30 minutes?

00:27:24.280 You want us to come get it,

00:27:25.780 Canada, tighten up.

00:27:27.540 I'm getting another interruption in my ear.

00:27:29.140 Davies says that's not what I mean by the question.

00:27:30.940 What do you mean?

00:27:31.560 You want to pull up a chair, Mr. Davies, to explain your question?

00:27:33.820 Yeah, who is this creature?

00:27:35.580 Bring him out here.

00:27:36.340 According to Wikipedia, he says.

00:27:37.580 The old Wizard of Oz is going, that's not what I meant.

00:27:41.320 He's like, pay no attention, eh?

00:27:43.940 Okay, according to Wikipedia, what?

00:27:46.160 Oh, so he says, so Davies, who didn't write any of this in the question,

00:27:50.760 he says, you, you are Spanish, French, Canadian, German, and Jewish.

00:27:54.980 Dude, it's hilarious that I read all those and didn't even put that together.

00:28:00.160 That's wild.

00:28:01.220 This falls on me.

00:28:03.660 I didn't even know.

00:28:04.820 I just see myself as a white guy and didn't even think about where my parents are from.

00:28:09.920 Yeah.

00:28:10.080 Okay, fair enough.

00:28:11.060 But don't edit this out.

00:28:11.980 I think all that was fun.

00:28:13.380 Okay, that was my fault.

00:28:16.200 Which of all of those, which do you guys identify with?

00:28:18.840 Oh, that's hilarious.

00:28:19.760 None of them, really.

00:28:20.720 No.

00:28:20.980 Because my mom does genealogy, so she's, and if you don't know what genealogy is,

00:28:26.240 it's, she just finds everything, your whole, all your family tree, and it becomes so uninteresting.

00:28:32.840 Yeah, yeah.

00:28:33.500 You know, like, it sounds interesting, and then your mom's like,

00:28:36.280 did you know that your great, great, great, great, great grandfather worked in a store?

00:28:42.600 And I'm like, this is how you, who cares?

00:28:44.500 There's no one famous, no one gives a, the whole family tree is a joke.

00:28:48.960 and so the truth is we're just super like american at this point and like even that lineage of french

00:28:56.620 canadian and spanish and jewish and german goes so far back yeah that i don't really link any of

00:29:02.860 it at all and also like my mom she's always finding new information now that the internet

00:29:07.520 is growing so rapidly they're like i'm not even sure how jewish we are yeah you know like it's

00:29:12.480 like we you know but being jewish is somehow this like starlit thing in hollywood so like when she

00:29:17.120 said it i go am i jew yeah did you did you whoopi goldberg it like pretend to be jewish no never

00:29:21.660 no never hi jeffrey die because it's so not anything we don't celebrate none of it i think

00:29:28.260 my mom just mentioned it it's like so far back that you know jeffrey goldblum die wait i get

00:29:34.220 to go to israel for free yeah i'm one i'm one yeah that i the other thing about the genealogy

00:29:39.760 stuff is if you get the websites or the apps like ancestry.com yeah it'll say you'll like do it

00:29:45.860 because a bunch of people just add their trees to it.

00:29:47.640 Sure.

00:29:47.860 They'll say, like, you're descended from Henry VIII and Genghis Khan.

00:29:51.020 Oh, yeah, eventually.

00:29:52.260 Yeah, and it's like I emailed.

00:29:54.520 This is embarrassing.

00:29:55.420 I emailed the College of Arms in the U.K. to see if I could use the Knowles crest

00:29:58.860 because I was descended from this guy, Sir Francis Knowles,

00:30:01.440 who was the keeper of the privy purse.

00:30:03.040 And I emailed them.

00:30:03.860 I was like, I just found this out.

00:30:05.520 And then they responded to me, and they were like, actually, no, you're not.

00:30:09.140 You're not.

00:30:09.700 You made that up.

00:30:10.280 That sucks.

00:30:10.600 That's not.

00:30:11.100 He was like, all those websites are bogus.

00:30:12.840 Yeah.

00:30:13.080 And it's not true, and you don't get to use the arms.

00:30:15.620 isn't it weird first of all that sucks that that happened to you i'm sorry thank you uh but also

00:30:21.200 isn't it crazy that we live in the most conspiracy obsessed world right the internet has really

00:30:27.560 turned us on to all these things where we're going oh did you know maybe this and these people are

00:30:31.540 lizard people and you know this is all everyone's freaking the heck out but then we're so comfortable

00:30:36.160 just sending our dna to some warehouse where am i from yeah yeah dude they're just racking up

00:30:44.080 everyone's dna in these buildings they can frame you for any crime anytime or just make another

00:30:49.300 one of you yeah well i'm not worried about another jeff but i'm worried about them sprinkling it on

00:30:53.700 some girl that's missing and going hey there's dna is all over this chick and i don't even know

00:30:59.240 that lady you know like that's what i'm afraid of very specific example hold on this is the well

00:31:04.140 it's making a murderer you know when they found that uh steve and avery like they found that they

00:31:08.740 had punctured the samples from his prison DNA.

00:31:12.540 Really?

00:31:13.040 Yeah.

00:31:13.480 So they found blood on the girl's car, and they're like, well, his DNA was on it.

00:31:18.380 But then they went to the prison, and somebody had tampered with all of his blood samples

00:31:23.100 from the prison.

00:31:25.360 This is going to be what the cops point to when you get arrested for killing that lady.

00:31:31.640 And you'll say, no, but my defense is I talked about how I definitely didn't do that on Michael's

00:31:37.480 show.

00:31:37.640 This clears me.

00:31:39.400 I'm innocent.

00:31:40.080 Yeah, okay.

00:31:41.720 You're up, and I'm clearing my answer.

00:31:43.880 All right.

00:31:45.040 Of course, and also apologies to the Wizard of Oz on the last question.

00:31:49.620 You made a good question, and we all ran him over the coals.

00:31:52.840 We did.

00:31:53.840 Increasingly, of all the conspiracy theories about strange humanoid beings, aliens, Kandahar giants, Bigfoot,

00:32:02.100 is Bigfoot now actually the most ridiculous?

00:32:05.520 and I have to say what you're going to think.

00:32:09.300 Yeah.

00:32:12.060 Correct.

00:32:12.680 You got that right.

00:32:14.020 Nice.

00:32:15.160 Because there's way more absurd ones than Sasquatch.

00:32:18.220 Yeah.

00:32:18.700 Also, there were...

00:32:20.040 You'd have to be...

00:32:20.840 You're way too smart to think that that's the most absurd.

00:32:23.700 Thank you.

00:32:24.800 There were just reports of a Bigfoot.

00:32:28.400 Again, that's probably not real,

00:32:30.540 but what's the craziest one?

00:32:32.900 Well, actually, before we just mull over that, that's ridiculous.

00:32:36.580 There's always reports, all the time.

00:32:39.280 Just because it made it to Yahoo News doesn't mean that, you know, they just had a few reports in Ohio.

00:32:44.680 Yes, every day people are seeing bipedal hominids in the woods.

00:32:50.180 Also, monkeys that walk upright isn't that absurd, especially if they're nocturnal, living in the woods.

00:32:57.400 I think there's thousands of them.

00:32:59.200 It's just a descendant of Gigantopithecus.

00:33:01.580 when the Asian land was, I think they migrated over here.

00:33:06.460 These are just descendants of Gigantopithy.

00:33:08.780 So you're totally Bigfoot-filled. Bigfoot's real.

00:33:11.180 Yes, and also I'm happy to talk about Bigfoot with anyone who thinks it's real or not real

00:33:15.520 if they've done any homework.

00:33:17.940 That's the problem is people go, oh, that's all made up.

00:33:20.200 And I go, but you don't know f*** about it.

00:33:22.140 You've not read a single thing.

00:33:24.460 You've not looked into it.

00:33:26.020 You've never asked Indians or loggers or people that are out in the woods all the time.

00:33:31.580 You don't ask any of these guys that are out there.

00:33:34.860 It's wildly likely that there's creatures in our caves that we don't know about,

00:33:40.060 that there's hominids or primates that we just haven't discovered.

00:33:44.240 We have people we haven't discovered yet.

00:33:46.060 Yeah.

00:33:46.560 And yet we think that, like, oh, Bigfoot's not real.

00:33:48.980 It's like, you live in Sherman Oaks.

00:33:50.300 What the hell do you know about Bigfoot?

00:33:52.420 So it's always people that know nothing about it who want to tell me that it's fake.

00:33:55.940 Yeah, they're a weird multicolor light-up fish at the bottom of the ocean

00:33:59.400 that we just discovered, like, six minutes ago.

00:34:01.580 Well, you know, pandas, people in China were going,

00:34:04.020 yeah, we're seeing these black and white bears,

00:34:05.340 and everyone's like, you guys are idiots.

00:34:06.820 And so pandas were just considered nonsense

00:34:09.180 until not that long ago.

00:34:11.300 And then even gorillas was like 1890 or something,

00:34:15.040 which is a long time ago.

00:34:16.560 But that means all the way up till 1890,

00:34:19.080 people were like, oh, sure,

00:34:20.640 there's a giant human-looking thing with muscles.

00:34:23.780 And now what's going to happen is

00:34:25.800 Bigfoot's going to get discovered or killed or put in a zoo,

00:34:28.680 and everyone's going to go, oh, yeah, we knew.

00:34:31.580 What do you mean?

00:34:32.460 You're calling me crazy forever.

00:34:34.360 Yeah, they're going to gaslight you.

00:34:35.640 Are you, where do you stand on aliens?

00:34:38.400 Oh, aliens are definitely real.

00:34:39.580 They're real.

00:34:40.160 I think they're totally real.

00:34:41.300 I think they're here.

00:34:42.340 I think they've been here.

00:34:43.340 I think there's lots of different types of aliens.

00:34:45.380 Do you think they're, okay, because I think if it's a real thing that people are seeing,

00:34:50.600 I think it's probably demons.

00:34:52.380 Like, they're not physical beings.

00:34:54.540 Sure.

00:34:54.960 Spiritual beings.

00:34:56.680 Are you, you think they're physical?

00:34:59.280 I don't know much about it

00:35:01.940 That's the thing, my favorite thing about conspiracies

00:35:04.140 Is not pretending to know the answer

00:35:05.720 But just knowing that there's a possibility of it

00:35:07.980 You know what I'm saying

00:35:08.680 I don't know that 9-11 was an inside job

00:35:12.460 I just know that what they're telling us

00:35:14.460 Isn't true

00:35:15.060 But that doesn't mean I pretend I know what's real

00:35:17.280 It's just when you show me a thing and we can prove that it's not

00:35:20.300 I go well that's bull

00:35:21.000 And then the news might have lied about that

00:35:22.940 It doesn't mean I think there's some coup

00:35:24.800 Or that America did it or anything

00:35:26.580 I just know that some of the things they're telling us

00:35:29.180 happened aren't true that's all you know i think so we're talking about your ancestry and everything

00:35:33.460 yeah and because some people said oh it was the taliban was harboring these people who they came

00:35:37.980 from saudi arabia and there were 19 hijackers who but speaking of your ancestry no one ever talks

00:35:44.600 about the french canadians that's right dude ever points they were right here yeah no we know how we

00:35:51.400 know it wasn't the french canadians oh wow because that would just be us canada is like a woman you

00:35:57.700 You know, Canada's like, keep us safe, keep us safe.

00:36:01.320 And then you're like, oh, are we together?

00:36:02.720 And they're like, whoa, we're here to know.

00:36:03.960 You're like, what?

00:36:05.500 Canada can't keep talking about America when we've been keeping them safe forever.

00:36:09.740 How about a little gratitude?

00:36:11.480 Yeah, and you never get it.

00:36:11.960 They talk so much trash about us.

00:36:14.180 And I'm like, we love Canada.

00:36:15.900 We love them.

00:36:17.140 We keep them safe.

00:36:18.160 Like, I don't understand.

00:36:18.680 They're like, oh, Xi Jinping.

00:36:20.100 It's so nice.

00:36:21.000 Wow, thanks for looking at me.

00:36:22.440 They just did it.

00:36:23.140 It was like three weeks ago.

00:36:24.040 I hate it.

00:36:24.580 They're looking over at China.

00:36:25.800 Yeah, well, like I said, it'll take us 30 minutes, and all my Canadian friends are going to be like,

00:36:30.600 dang it, we shouldn't have talked all that trash.

00:36:32.200 Yeah, we're going and liberating Tim Hortons.

00:36:35.620 Abortion happens fast, folks.

00:36:37.080 Speaking of death, right now, in towns and cities across the country, women...

00:36:41.360 That was an amazing transition.

00:36:42.900 In your opinion.

00:36:46.360 You said, what an amazing transition.

00:36:48.480 I go, I was a little jarred by it.

00:36:52.480 This is a serious topic.

00:36:53.600 Women are being pushed to make life-changing decisions in moments of fear and confusion.

00:36:57.820 Many of them feel trapped, like there's no real choice at all.

00:37:00.400 But because of people like you, there is.

00:37:02.680 At our sponsor, Preborn Network Clinics, a woman is met not with pressure or judgment,

00:37:07.400 but with compassion, the kind that gives her room to breathe.

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00:37:16.380 This organization is phenomenal. I personally support it.

00:37:19.160 You should give whatever you can.

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00:37:47.260 Use code Knowles, K-N-W-L-E-S.

00:37:49.480 That is preborn.com slash Knowles, or if you are more digitally inclined, like your finger digits, type in pound 250, you say keyword baby.

00:37:58.080 However you like to do it, preborn.com slash Knowles.

00:38:02.180 It's not just a product. I'm a customer.

00:38:05.400 Yeah, are you? Yeah, yeah. When you were a little baby.

00:38:08.120 I keep getting this ultrasound. They said men can have babies, and I got nothing.

00:38:12.720 Sir, that is actually a club sub for Jersey Mike's.

00:38:15.860 Yeah, this is not a baby, Jeff.

00:38:18.400 You don't have to keep coming in here.

00:38:20.260 You're a guy.

00:38:22.000 Oh, so conservative.

00:38:23.720 That's fine.

00:38:24.280 Here's another 28 bucks.

00:38:25.960 Give me my ultrasound.

00:38:26.560 Didn't know my hospital was so Republican.

00:38:30.340 This is Chipotle again.

00:38:33.220 I want a baby.

00:38:35.700 Are you ready?

00:38:36.800 Yep.

00:38:37.540 For the rapid-fire round?

00:38:39.460 Let's do it.

00:38:40.540 Three questions, 30 seconds.

00:38:42.180 No time to out-think each other.

00:38:44.620 The score, wow.

00:38:45.860 Score right now is tied.

00:38:47.440 We're both at negative one.

00:38:49.380 That means neither of us are going to Iran.

00:38:51.600 Iran, Iran, what is it?

00:38:53.360 I, very.

00:38:54.720 It's Iranian, but it's Iran.

00:38:57.140 Yeah.

00:38:57.800 So that's a fun, weird phonetic thing.

00:39:00.060 I change it based on how American I want to sound.

00:39:03.820 That's interesting.

00:39:04.640 Remember Obama really shifted.

00:39:06.460 Iran, Pakistan.

00:39:07.820 Yes.

00:39:08.300 You did that whole thing.

00:39:09.480 And so then we reflexively on the right shifted to like Iran or whatever.

00:39:13.280 Yeah.

00:39:13.480 I go back and forth.

00:39:14.380 I'm smug about that stuff.

00:39:15.500 Like when a girl will be telling a sentence about it, she'll be like, oh, and my, she's like Hispanic, and she's like, my grandma makes the best tortas.

00:39:24.020 And you go, why did you say tortas like that?

00:39:26.280 Yeah.

00:39:26.520 Like she'll say just tortas in the Spanish dialect.

00:39:29.940 Yeah, I hate that.

00:39:30.680 And it's like, so I think if you're saying the whole sentence in English, you should be like, my grandmother makes the best tortas.

00:39:36.060 Yes.

00:39:36.380 But if you're saying it in Spanish, then definitely hit all those things.

00:39:40.260 Yeah, no, when I do, they'll yell at me sometimes on the show and say, actually, it's Pakistan or whatever.

00:39:44.800 Actually, it's paella or whatever.

00:39:47.000 I speak English.

00:39:47.780 Yes, I think I go to an Italian restaurant.

00:39:49.380 I'm an Italian extraction.

00:39:50.740 I go to an Italian restaurant.

00:39:52.300 I don't sit there and say, you know what?

00:39:54.400 I would like a glass of iced tea and I would like a plate of the spaghetti alla carbonara.

00:40:01.660 Yeah, they'd be insulting.

00:40:03.520 Yeah, you don't do that.

00:40:04.800 It's very silly.

00:40:05.620 Yeah, but what's your vice?

00:40:08.280 Like you don't do all the things for like wine?

00:40:11.160 You know, that's annoying.

00:40:12.020 You can't do that.

00:40:12.860 No.

00:40:13.080 I don't like it.

00:40:13.540 No, I do, though, when I go to laundromats.

00:40:15.560 His example is better.

00:40:18.580 When I go to laundromats, I do speak the only Chinese I know.

00:40:21.340 They probably hate that.

00:40:22.820 And my grandma taught it to me when I was a little boy.

00:40:25.040 Oh, really?

00:40:25.720 And it is, of course, no tiki, no washi.

00:40:29.700 You ever learned that when you were a kid?

00:40:31.260 I don't think that's Chinese at all.

00:40:32.760 That's an important Chinese.

00:40:33.180 Cantonese, I think it is.

00:40:33.960 Okay, ready?

00:40:34.600 Here we go.

00:40:35.040 Yep.

00:40:35.900 Are eggs meat?

00:40:40.900 Correct.

00:40:41.620 Yeah.

00:40:41.900 Davey's once asked me during Lent, he says, I said I had eggs for breakfast on a Friday.

00:40:47.120 He said, is eggs not meat?

00:40:49.040 That was the direct quote.

00:40:50.020 Is eggs not meat?

00:40:51.100 That's a very arrogant way to ask that.

00:40:53.640 Yeah.

00:40:55.340 No, they're not.

00:40:56.180 It's not fertilized, dummy.

00:40:58.580 Thank you.

00:40:59.320 Yeah.

00:40:59.640 I'm going to take that clip out and just text it to him.

00:41:02.060 Is anything worth stealing, worth stealing twice?

00:41:09.560 Oh, you got it wrong.

00:41:10.660 Ah.

00:41:11.060 Answer it. Oh, I got it wrong. That was your answer. Did you put your answer my answer? I put my answer. Yeah, okay

00:41:16.620 All right, you say no shoot. I'm gonna get yeah

00:41:18.420 I don't think people should steal anything ever once twice 20 times. Well, yes

00:41:23.180 Thiefs are pieces so I initially just went to know I think it's the lowliest crime

00:41:28.400 I think we should cut people's hands off when they steal they used to do that

00:41:32.740 They should you know where else is no you're the scum of the earth when you steal

00:41:36.820 Hmm, and he is smart starts small you steal like candy anything. Oh, you know, are they?

00:41:41.280 Oh, I'm only stealing this because it's it's it's gross

00:41:44.140 Hmm, and you can teach people about ethics real easy with thief

00:41:47.720 Is it is it the worst crime? No, but it's just like this scumbaggery. Yeah, it's like a little rape

00:41:53.860 Just taking someone's thing. Yeah, a little rape it is they call an orgasm the little death

00:41:58.700 There's a flight. Oh, right. It feels so like

00:42:01.640 intrusive. Like someone's

00:42:03.760 rummaging through your things and they took

00:42:05.860 your stuff. And yeah, and it's so grubby because

00:42:07.980 they're only focused on a material

00:42:09.860 good. They just want stuff.

00:42:11.900 You just take it from someone? Like obviously, you know,

00:42:14.640 there's levels of it, but I

00:42:15.880 think it's the worst. Yeah, okay. Alright.

00:42:17.900 I might.

00:42:20.160 Yeah, sorry, Davey still wants to have a conversation.

00:42:22.340 You can make time with

00:42:23.920 my assistant if you want to have a meeting with me

00:42:26.040 afterward, but right now I'm speaking to my

00:42:27.960 friend Jeff Dye, okay? So can

00:42:30.020 I love the dynamics of the place around me.

00:42:32.300 It's just unbelievable.

00:42:33.440 I'm trying to...

00:42:34.460 Like, I was really clocking the hair and makeup,

00:42:37.540 the dynamic between those gals.

00:42:39.420 Oh, yeah.

00:42:39.840 Like, it's my favorite.

00:42:40.840 There, that's the highlight of my day.

00:42:42.320 Yeah, dude, it's the best.

00:42:42.660 Then I get thrown in with my producer, Mr.

00:42:44.380 Okay, this is a real rapid-fire rant.

00:42:46.760 Last question.

00:42:47.920 Is gatekeeping men's spaces and hobbies from women

00:42:51.000 necessary to preserve them?

00:42:56.100 Yeah, certainly.

00:42:57.540 Yes.

00:42:57.960 You have to...

00:42:58.720 It's not...

00:42:59.280 Some people say, well, you know, women can have their own cigar club or whatever.

00:43:05.360 But I think, no, the whole point, you need, if you want to have a space just for one group, you have to exclude people.

00:43:13.460 You guys say no sometimes.

00:43:15.200 Yeah, and also, I think there's nothing wrong with men's spaces.

00:43:18.540 There's nothing wrong with women's spaces.

00:43:20.620 That's healthy.

00:43:21.400 Yeah.

00:43:22.060 Like, I don't understand, like, you know, people talking about, like, men's sports.

00:43:25.820 It's men's sports.

00:43:27.700 Yeah.

00:43:28.560 Sorry.

00:43:29.280 That's a men's space.

00:43:31.460 No, they won't let us in the locker room to interview the boys.

00:43:33.780 Yeah, well, this is a men's space.

00:43:35.520 Yeah.

00:43:35.920 Stupid.

00:43:36.700 You don't go, oh, man, I can't interview the girls while they're showering.

00:43:40.580 No.

00:43:42.200 Well, I got to get the best bead on Angel Reese's seven-point game, you know?

00:43:48.280 It's okay to have girl things and guy things.

00:43:51.260 Don't be a jerk about it.

00:43:52.560 It's fine.

00:43:52.920 It's like you join the country club, and it's like, look, this is a whites-only space.

00:43:56.480 Well, that's where we get carried away.

00:43:59.380 But like men and women's space is like, that's just totally normal.

00:44:02.740 Yeah.

00:44:03.040 Like, like I go to the cigar lounge by my house and I listen to these men complain about their wives and kids, which they love.

00:44:10.620 Yeah.

00:44:11.000 They love their wives and kids.

00:44:12.780 They just need a place to kind of go get it off their chest.

00:44:16.500 They don't mean it.

00:44:17.860 They just want to go, hey, you know, my wife bought a blender that's $500.

00:44:22.300 They don't really care.

00:44:24.620 Yeah.

00:44:24.840 But they just want a guy to go, yeah, my wife, don't get me started.

00:44:28.780 And then they go home to their wives and kids who they love.

00:44:30.760 Yes.

00:44:31.160 And I imagine women are doing that also.

00:44:33.240 Like my husband's being annoying and there's like some space for that.

00:44:36.820 That's very healthy.

00:44:38.160 You need to, because I know I remember I was watching you do a whole bit on this.

00:44:42.280 And I was like, that's so true.

00:44:43.840 Where I, a little confession here, I get very sappy with my wife and kids.

00:44:48.160 I'm a real softy.

00:44:49.200 You're nice.

00:44:49.800 Yeah.

00:44:50.180 Thank you.

00:44:50.780 But you do need to be able to be like, you know, let me tell you, Beth, the old ball and chain.

00:44:58.120 Yeah, it's just healthy, yeah.

00:44:59.840 Well, I mean, we think about my dog.

00:45:01.540 Like, he couldn't be more perfect, but I'm still like, I got to take this thing out to pick it up and, you know, beg, you know.

00:45:09.180 But, like, it doesn't mean I don't like my dog.

00:45:11.020 Same thing with kids.

00:45:12.020 And I don't want to say that in front of my dog, and I don't want to say it in front of your wife.

00:45:16.140 I think those are comparable.

00:45:17.460 Yeah, yeah, of course.

00:45:18.880 People we love, you know.

00:45:19.920 And the other sad thing, too, it's kind of like the monkey in the boxing match.

00:45:23.800 The dog's probably not even going to notice.

00:45:26.160 So you're going to feel bad.

00:45:27.040 He's going to hear him talking smack about it.

00:45:28.680 He can feel that energy.

00:45:30.240 Mm-hmm.

00:45:30.700 He goes, he's talking shit.

00:45:31.460 All right, you're up.

00:45:33.200 Hold on.

00:45:33.720 Mr. Davies wants to talk again.

00:45:35.060 Please.

00:45:35.600 Please tell me.

00:45:36.160 This is the yes or no game with Mr. Davies.

00:45:37.620 Please.

00:45:39.960 Only you can hear him, so you sound like you're going crazy.

00:45:42.180 Wait, hold on.

00:45:42.480 He's bringing something up about rape.

00:45:44.020 Wait, what?

00:45:44.680 Oh, doctor.

00:45:45.580 Is that another ad read?

00:45:48.420 Did you rape the jersey?

00:45:50.060 Mr. Davies wants to know, because this is his show now, I guess.

00:45:52.320 Yeah.

00:45:52.620 He wants to know, did you rape the jersey that you stole twice?

00:45:57.080 Oh, yeah, yeah.

00:45:58.100 Well, that was more of a funny gag.

00:46:01.720 See, everything gets dismissed when it's a joke in my life, you know?

00:46:04.740 Whenever I do something, I'm like, I was playing around, you know?

00:46:08.140 Yeah, that was more, I guess, yeah, yeah.

00:46:12.040 But wasn't it gross, you know, when I stole that jersey?

00:46:15.000 That'd be a great gag, like when you get in the boxing room with the monkey.

00:46:17.700 and you just kill the mugging

00:46:18.940 and you're just like,

00:46:19.640 ah!

00:46:20.120 What a game!

00:46:21.380 Isn't this funny?

00:46:22.260 What a game!

00:46:23.900 All right.

00:46:24.860 Could AI eventually replace

00:46:26.720 stand-up comedians entirely?

00:46:29.720 And that's a...

00:46:31.000 We do that one?

00:46:32.360 Yeah, ask him.

00:46:33.000 That's my answer.

00:46:36.140 I think you think.

00:46:39.520 I'm hoping.

00:46:40.560 Yeah, no, it cannot.

00:46:41.780 Yeah, good, good, good.

00:46:43.120 No, it can't.

00:46:44.300 Really, I don't even think

00:46:45.940 specials could replace

00:46:48.180 the actual club work of comedians

00:46:50.080 because it's so interpersonal.

00:46:52.240 It actually, even if

00:46:54.260 you're not Don Rickles or something, well you do it, you do

00:46:56.040 crowd work.

00:46:57.980 The comedy does come

00:47:00.260 from an interplay of the real people.

00:47:01.780 Sure, it's a dialogue which people don't think it is, but it is.

00:47:04.860 Also,

00:47:06.060 comedy

00:47:08.300 is too tricky. You're

00:47:10.060 playing with too many

00:47:11.300 nuanced things mixed with like

00:47:14.060 you're saying a thing that like it'd be we don't ever do that with the bible right like jesus goes

00:47:20.100 uh you know forgive your enemies and we don't go but we don't know how he said it you know maybe

00:47:24.660 maybe he was like oh forgive your enemies you know like you don't there's too many different

00:47:29.480 ways to say a thing that i don't think ai is smart enough to be able to uh figure out the other the

00:47:36.700 other thing it's the same reason ai can't really write a poem is to to do comedy you have to create

00:47:43.680 a fresh image in people's minds, like not a dead metaphor, not a cliche. It has to startle people

00:47:48.780 by its incongruity or its absurdity or something like that. So it has to be a sincerely new

00:47:55.000 metaphor a lot of the time. And AI actually can't do that because an AI is only trained on

00:48:01.600 language that exists, so dead metaphors, and it has no sensory experience, so it can't really

00:48:06.120 make those new connections. It would have to steal some stuff that's already out there. That's all

00:48:10.320 AI is a big search engine, right? It just is

00:48:12.300 like how it's accumulating all

00:48:14.380 the things that are already out there and then

00:48:16.460 searching it, right? It's a thief and a

00:48:18.280 rapist. It's a thief and a rapist, yeah.

00:48:19.960 Yeah, okay. There's a bunch of

00:48:22.220 stuff on here. Do I keep asking the ones on

00:48:24.220 here? Okay. Is podcasting

00:48:26.620 just therapy for men who

00:48:28.280 won't go to therapy?

00:48:32.140 What do I think you'll say?

00:48:36.340 You got it wrong. It's not as close.

00:48:38.460 There's some confession. It's therapy for men who

00:48:40.220 won't go to therapy. And it's good. I highly recommend confession. But no, you know what's

00:48:44.700 even said or podcasting is, uh, it's, it's often a social life for men who increasingly don't have

00:48:54.140 social lives. Sure. Women still to some degree, which is weird because women don't have deep

00:48:57.800 friendships and men do, but women still do social things. They go out and see people. Whereas men

00:49:02.680 increasingly do not. And I mean this both for the podcaster and the podcast D people who listen to

00:49:08.180 them. But every, at least every white man in America now legally has to have a podcast. So

00:49:12.480 they're actually the same group of people. Yeah. And they, so it's this, it is social

00:49:17.120 in a certain sense, but it's kind of one step removed. It's almost parasocial. It's not,

00:49:23.220 so you replace your, like you'd go hang out with the guys, you go to the cigar club or

00:49:26.640 whatever. You, you replace it with like, I'm, I feel like I am friends with a lot of people

00:49:31.760 because I listen to their podcasts. And often I haven't even met them. I speak to them.

00:49:37.720 Right. I think therapy, I think podcasting, at least my podcast, is therapy for sure.

00:49:44.000 For me.

00:49:45.320 Because to steal from the great Jordan Peterson, to talk is to think.

00:49:51.520 Do you do a Jordan Peterson impression?

00:49:52.960 No, but I respect him too much.

00:49:54.920 I actually get mad when people do an impression.

00:49:57.580 Yeah, because I like him so much that I gotta stop making him sound.

00:50:01.700 you know

00:50:02.680 it'd be like

00:50:04.380 I just love him

00:50:05.180 too much

00:50:05.880 to receive

00:50:06.700 any good impression

00:50:08.020 of him

00:50:08.320 I don't have a good

00:50:09.300 sense of humor

00:50:09.860 about it

00:50:10.380 you know

00:50:10.940 so that's all it is

00:50:11.740 those impressions

00:50:12.420 are hilarious

00:50:13.020 and he does kind of

00:50:13.820 sound like Kermit

00:50:14.480 and all that

00:50:14.860 but it'd be like

00:50:15.640 someday we'll find it

00:50:16.680 the rainbow connection

00:50:17.680 yeah but it'd be like

00:50:18.780 if I'm like

00:50:19.340 hey check out this

00:50:20.220 impression of your wife

00:50:21.160 and you'd go

00:50:23.680 hey Jeff

00:50:24.440 that's not really

00:50:25.360 funny to me

00:50:25.960 I love my wife

00:50:27.160 that's how I feel

00:50:28.100 about Jordan Peterson

00:50:28.920 I'm like yeah

00:50:29.540 I get it

00:50:30.200 but knock it off

00:50:31.220 the guy changed my life yeah uh but jordan talks about uh i don't know if it's even his idea but

00:50:36.380 he says that uh you know we're going around thinking we're thinking all day but we're not

00:50:40.760 really thinking we're kind of going through like mental habits you're just kind of going about your

00:50:44.060 day but when you podcast or when you talk to a good friend or when you talk to someone you're

00:50:49.240 forced to articulate all of your ideas and thoughts and ideas and that is therapy having

00:50:56.640 to put it into the words to explain or defend your position or justify your idea or justify

00:51:02.500 your, your moral stance on something. And that is therapy because now you're like, wow,

00:51:07.460 like, like some things that you think are normal, once you articulate, you realize are

00:51:12.640 absurd. Yeah. Like I, I, my therapist, we're talking about the nineties and I'm like, can

00:51:17.980 you believe we were just pantsing people? You know, like I've never really thought about

00:51:21.900 it. It was just like, yeah, you pants people, but when you really had to explain what it

00:51:25.500 was where you like yeah you'd wait for your friend who trusts you yeah to be like holding a

00:51:32.100 tray of food or something and then you would just pants him in front of the whole school yeah which

00:51:37.400 is a trauma for sure and and then if he told on you you'd act incredulous like oh god here we go

00:51:44.680 all we did was pull his pants and underwear down in front of the whole school and now he told on us

00:51:53.360 We're going to have to beat the shit out of that guy.

00:51:56.620 He snitched on us for the crimes we did to him.

00:52:00.780 And then now your friend starts wearing his sister's eyeliner to school.

00:52:05.980 He gets really into the cure.

00:52:07.980 And he starts working at GameStop for 30 years.

00:52:10.700 All because you and your buddies wanted to pay.

00:52:13.820 It's insane.

00:52:14.880 Once you have to say it, then it becomes, you realize the gravity of all these things.

00:52:20.240 Yeah.

00:52:20.500 You know, like, explain why you feel this way about your daughter or something.

00:52:23.880 And when they have to, like, really say it, they're really thinking about it.

00:52:26.660 And that's why they get choked up or that's why.

00:52:28.500 So I think to speak is to truly think.

00:52:31.820 And that's what therapy is supposed to be.

00:52:33.740 Yeah, but it's not like philosophy.

00:52:36.920 No.

00:52:37.660 It's like a kind of introspective social thinking.

00:52:43.000 And that's why young people, when, like, you see these man on the street things,

00:52:46.260 we might dismiss these things on Daily Wire or any of these things

00:52:49.060 when a guy goes and asks a college kid

00:52:50.920 to be like, you know,

00:52:52.140 and those are kind of fun gotcha reels.

00:52:54.340 Like, look, this kid's an idiot.

00:52:55.840 But it's because that young person

00:52:57.100 has probably never had to really explain

00:53:00.820 how or why they think the thing they do.

00:53:03.520 And so it's really healthy to make them do that.

00:53:05.320 Yeah.

00:53:05.660 Because then they're going, damn it.

00:53:06.680 Like, I've never, I don't know.

00:53:07.600 I'm just, I'm working on feelings.

00:53:09.160 It feels right to defend these marginalized groups

00:53:11.840 or it feels right to defend trans people.

00:53:13.880 But when I really have to put it into words,

00:53:16.760 the logic isn't there.

00:53:18.200 No, that's good.

00:53:18.560 And all that stuff isn't there.

00:53:21.440 So, like, the feelings are good.

00:53:22.580 I'm glad these kids have all these great feelings.

00:53:24.280 I guess the heart is good, but now we're forcing them to use the brain, you know?

00:53:27.920 Yes.

00:53:28.540 No, because the question clearly meant to deride podcasting by comparing it to therapy.

00:53:33.100 But you actually made it seem good by comparing it to therapy.

00:53:35.420 Yeah, I think it's healthy.

00:53:36.280 Yeah, and it reminds me when I was a freshman in college, I was talking to my roommate.

00:53:41.120 And we were talking about politics, what we were thinking about.

00:53:43.540 And I was like, oh, yeah, well, I'm on the right side because I think this and that.

00:53:47.940 Why is this good?

00:53:48.620 Well, because I think this.

00:53:49.600 And why is this good?

00:53:50.180 Because it leads to this.

00:53:51.060 And finally, we got down to, I said, well, because, you know, it's about liberty.

00:53:55.180 And my roommate asked me this question that floored me.

00:53:58.680 He goes, well, why is liberty good?

00:54:01.020 And I got really angry.

00:54:02.520 I said, what are you, you're being a tuse.

00:54:04.560 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:54:05.120 But I said, oh, it's actually a good question.

00:54:07.020 Yeah.

00:54:07.220 Why is liberty, I had never, I was at that time a libertarian.

00:54:11.400 Right.

00:54:11.640 I had never even considered why liberty is good.

00:54:16.220 Yeah.

00:54:16.380 I can go a step further. Having to explain, if you just start going why, why, why, having to explain why it would be immoral for someone to be attracted to young people or children or animals or something, trying to defend that position of why that is immoral, which we all think is absurd. You would never even have to do that. But by having to explain why it is, obviously I'm correct. You shouldn't be hooking up with animals and children and things or minors.

00:54:43.200 especially young animals but by explaining it i did get this overwhelming sense of compassion

00:54:50.760 for people who might struggle with that yeah because now the feelings got involved where i'm

00:54:55.400 like man i can't imagine being in a position where you're so where you're conflicted with

00:54:59.320 these attractions to things that are immoral and unjust and i think that's where a conservative

00:55:03.600 struggle i'm a conservative and i struggle with i'm so right about a lot of these issues because

00:55:08.280 I've brain busted the words and the articulating and the defending and the arguing, but I haven't

00:55:14.800 been very nice about it because I'm so, it's liberty, stupid. But then that forces you to go,

00:55:22.140 okay, you know, this is a fair question and I need to work on my heart about this. Like I'm being a

00:55:26.980 little hard on these trans people and I should be more sensitive. And then they're going to hear it

00:55:31.260 because I've got all the facts. It's very easy to be nice to Mother Teresa. It's actually hard

00:55:37.740 to be nice to the guy in prison or the thief or whatever.

00:55:40.240 And then you think, well, the grimiest,

00:55:42.420 most wicked type of criminal is a pedo.

00:55:45.580 Yeah.

00:55:45.860 You think, well, hold on, but aren't I supposed to

00:55:48.880 at least be somewhat gracious in how I think about things?

00:55:52.780 Yeah.

00:55:53.180 Even as I'm trying to explain something profoundly evil.

00:55:56.340 Like, because, you know, you can convince people

00:55:58.940 as to why it's bestiality or something like this.

00:56:01.280 Yeah.

00:56:01.680 But then, when you have to explain to someone,

00:56:04.620 a brother and a sister,

00:56:07.460 they're both 65 years old,

00:56:09.460 well past childbearing age.

00:56:11.360 They want to have

00:56:12.220 an incestuous relationship.

00:56:14.560 Is that wrong?

00:56:15.640 Right.

00:56:16.360 It is.

00:56:17.160 But why is it wrong?

00:56:18.620 You have to defend it.

00:56:19.560 That's why I'm saying right.

00:56:20.460 You have to explain why that's wrong.

00:56:22.020 And you can't,

00:56:22.600 based on how most people think about it,

00:56:23.920 the reason they think it's wrong

00:56:24.860 to sleep with animals

00:56:26.160 or children or something

00:56:26.980 is because, well,

00:56:27.820 there's no consent.

00:56:29.100 But in the case

00:56:30.000 of the 65-year-old siblings

00:56:31.340 who want to be freaky,

00:56:33.020 they can consent.

00:56:34.340 What if the animal is entering the person?

00:56:37.000 That's consent.

00:56:38.100 Yeah, that's an image in my mind now that I did not really expect.

00:56:42.360 Correct, because you could say that's too, do you know what I'm saying?

00:56:46.100 But these are the kind of conversations you have to really defend your position on.

00:56:50.920 There's a play about it, Eclis, or no, maybe the...

00:56:52.100 One thing that I think with what you just reminded me of while we were talking about it

00:56:55.740 is that racist, racist people, there are very evil racist people.

00:57:02.780 or they're not evil, but they're racist people

00:57:04.600 and we're taught and we're teaching young people

00:57:06.800 to just hate them.

00:57:08.040 They're the worst and that's the worst thing you can be.

00:57:10.980 Or, just be nice

00:57:12.820 and teach them that being racist is

00:57:14.600 ignorant and stupid.

00:57:16.360 Where's your compassion for these people?

00:57:17.940 And called for only in certain circumstances.

00:57:19.860 Let's reform them. Let's make them

00:57:22.460 not racists. Let's not just

00:57:24.600 go, hey, beat them up and

00:57:26.100 that's just probably going to make them a little

00:57:28.500 more racist.

00:57:29.180 Yeah, yeah.

00:57:29.940 You know, so I think that, like, you have to have all angles of those things.

00:57:34.560 Like, you can say, be like, look, racists are very, very bad.

00:57:37.660 Yeah.

00:57:37.960 They're not as bad as gypsies.

00:57:39.940 You know?

00:57:40.780 Yeah.

00:57:41.200 Okay, all right.

00:57:41.640 You get it.

00:57:42.400 All right, there's one more.

00:57:43.220 One more, okay.

00:57:44.080 Generally speaking, is a relationship between a 37-year-old woman and a 24-year-old TikToker too large of an age gap?

00:57:52.580 And I have to think what you would say.

00:57:55.620 Hmm.

00:57:56.900 And this started with generally speaking, by the way.

00:57:59.940 yeah it is oh it is called it but only because he's 24 and she's 37 like if he were 54 and she

00:58:14.820 were 67 it wouldn't matter yeah but because he would ostensibly the point of the relationship

00:58:22.560 is to get married if you're a 24 year old guy and probably if the point of getting married is to have

00:58:27.300 kids and if you get married let's say they get married 38 39 the odds of having kids are very

00:58:32.880 very low and so you'd be you'd be subverting the very purpose of the marriage and so the

00:58:37.480 relationship would be uh pointless yeah but do we need to be making more tiktokers you know

00:58:43.960 that's a good point yeah yeah this says of an age gap for what though for you know for a healthy

00:58:51.340 relationship for a for a nice family who knows who knows yeah who cares no you're right that's

00:58:57.860 a good way to take the tiktokers out of the blood yeah and also it's like it's like for what i don't

00:59:03.120 know like people date all the time i'll see some old guy with some young chick and i roll my eyes

00:59:07.780 but if they're happy yeah right but if you see an old lady with some young guy everyone be like

00:59:11.600 you go girl look at her you guys so it's like who cares yeah yeah yeah i but i got that right

00:59:18.440 So you're going to Iran.

00:59:19.020 You got it right.

00:59:19.460 Okay, this is rough.

00:59:21.620 I have one chance to redeem myself.

00:59:24.700 Before we get to that, though, you watch the show.

00:59:27.560 You love the show.

00:59:28.720 You know you need unique New York.

00:59:30.500 Well, you can get your hands on the game.

00:59:32.820 The yes or no game.

00:59:33.800 Yeah.

00:59:34.520 Here it is.

00:59:35.080 Best-selling, most important game at The Daily Wire.

00:59:37.220 Only available at dailywire.com slash shop.

00:59:40.380 It's simple.

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00:59:41.800 It will tell you exactly how well you really know the people in your life.

00:59:44.300 Hundreds of cards, up to nine players.

00:59:46.680 No liberal nonsense.

00:59:48.360 Plus, you can add on to the fun with the Conspiracy expansion pack,

00:59:54.920 with the Politics, Religion, and Philosophy expansion pack,

00:59:58.480 with all the expansion packs.

01:00:00.400 Whether you are testing your family at dinner or settling debates with friends,

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01:00:05.320 Get a special deal on the game right now for a limited time.

01:00:08.460 Go to dailywire.com slash shop and order the Yes or No game today.

01:00:12.920 Are you ready for the final round?

01:00:15.820 This prompt will be read, we will both lock in our answers, and then we will move our

01:00:26.400 glasses to yes or no to see if we can read the other person's mind.

01:00:30.400 The round is worth double points.

01:00:31.660 It could change everything.

01:00:33.160 The score right now, we're tied at zero.

01:00:38.500 This was all pointless.

01:00:42.620 We put the glasses, so here, I'll put mine on Knolls.

01:00:44.620 There's a crap all under it.

01:00:45.420 Yeah, you put yours on.

01:00:47.180 No, you put yours on dye.

01:00:48.080 Oh, dye.

01:00:48.940 Okay.

01:00:50.580 I'm going to read the prompt.

01:00:51.760 You lock in your answer, and then you move my glass to where you think I would go.

01:00:54.980 You got it.

01:00:56.340 Here's a video prompt.

01:00:57.460 Okay.

01:00:58.140 Today's the day.

01:00:59.380 My boy.

01:00:59.480 I spent the last two years studying every post, every video, monitoring likes, engagements,

01:01:04.180 who's being rewarded, and who's being punished.

01:01:05.940 I'm just going to order one bottle of champagne.

01:01:07.760 I called my agent, got the okay.

01:01:09.340 They said they don't love it, but they understand.

01:01:11.360 They've already had other clients drop something similar.

01:01:13.300 It is for a celebration.

01:01:14.400 So if you have sparklers too, that'd be good.

01:01:15.960 Benefits of supporting Israel are a relic of the past.

01:01:19.300 And today, it is I who will drop my pro-Palestine post.

01:01:23.740 One flag, no words.

01:01:26.220 Simple, elegant, some even might say courageous.

01:01:29.760 Who the f*** is Venezuela?

01:01:34.480 Post-October 7th, is this the most difficult time in history

01:01:39.540 for people in entertainment to take a clear political stance?

01:01:44.200 Is this the most difficult time?

01:01:45.740 Yeah. Everyone talks about, oh, this is bad for the Jews.

01:01:48.240 Oh, this is bad for the Palestinians.

01:01:49.500 What about the people in show business?

01:01:50.940 Is this the most difficult time for people in entertainment

01:01:54.140 to take a clear political stance?

01:01:56.640 And I put what I think you'll say.

01:02:00.280 No, you put what you think.

01:02:01.820 I put what I think.

01:02:02.920 Yeah, the...

01:02:10.400 Okay.

01:02:11.160 And now we move the glasses to where you think the other person would go.

01:02:23.960 We might be tied again.

01:02:26.180 We both lost.

01:02:28.120 Or we both won.

01:02:29.380 It is.

01:02:30.000 I was going to say the harder time was in communism when all the Hollywood people were communists.

01:02:36.600 Yes.

01:02:37.480 The Committee on American Activities and McCarthyism.

01:02:40.420 But there, it was easy.

01:02:41.440 They all pretended not to be communists.

01:02:42.660 They were communists.

01:02:43.500 Right.

01:02:43.800 This one is hard because you go, you've got to find a guy on the right, a guy on the left, a Democrat, a Republican, whatever.

01:02:49.200 You don't really know, especially with young people, you really don't know what they think about Israel, Palestine.

01:02:55.360 Sure.

01:02:55.640 You just have no idea.

01:02:56.500 Yeah, and also, they're all like, they're all liars.

01:03:01.420 Like, that's how Hollywood works.

01:03:04.120 They're actors.

01:03:05.160 They'll say, like, whatever they think that they will get cheers for.

01:03:09.360 What are they going to get you?

01:03:10.580 So then they go, oh, I know to say that one.

01:03:14.380 And I know to say this one.

01:03:15.600 And they learn all those things because they're these little nightcrawler shapeshifters.

01:03:20.620 And then the truth is, I can't tell you how many Hollywood actors I've met.

01:03:25.980 Very famous all the way down to D-list reality stars who are liberal this, liberal that.

01:03:31.880 And then they get me and they go, hey, you know, actually.

01:03:34.600 They're all closeted conservatives.

01:03:36.560 The thing with the left right now is some of the power players, some of the elite libs, are still pro-Israel.

01:03:45.380 The whole base, the whole group of young people, and many of the eccentric people are pro-Palestine.

01:03:51.800 On the right, the boomers, very, very pro-Israel.

01:03:57.120 Except some of the boomers, the old paleocons, don't really like Israel.

01:04:00.760 And then you get to the young people, and it depends how edgy and online they are.

01:04:04.680 most of them probably anti-israel sure some of them still like you know young republican club

01:04:10.540 red tie pro-israel so you're doing a show let's say you're doing a show for it's a split house

01:04:16.640 you got some libs there maybe you got a lot of conservatives there and you need to make a joke

01:04:22.840 yeah what do you i just go for the joke whatever it is yeah no matter what those are the rules

01:04:28.040 but i think why i'm having success is because i don't talk about things that are that complex

01:04:33.140 I'm kind of your everyday man as far as just in general

01:04:35.920 Not by design, it's just who I am

01:04:38.220 Like I am

01:04:39.480 You'll never hear a joke from me

01:04:42.260 About Israel-Palestine

01:04:43.460 Because I don't know, it's very complex

01:04:45.900 I can find ten reasons on this side

01:04:47.600 Why these people can justify their behavior

01:04:49.340 I can find ten people, or ten reasons on this side

01:04:52.200 And so for me it makes it very tough

01:04:54.300 To make a joke

01:04:55.600 But you don't have to be a genius to go

01:04:57.360 That guy shouldn't be swimming with those girls

01:04:59.600 And so that's kind of an obvious one

01:05:02.300 And then people hear my comedy and go, oh, yeah, like because it's it's I'm a simple dude, you know, like it doesn't take much to go.

01:05:09.940 Seinfeld in the early part of the Trump era, he famously said he was asked why he doesn't do jokes about Trump.

01:05:15.480 And he said, he's like, I don't want to do jokes about Trump.

01:05:17.540 I want to do jokes about strawberries. Right.

01:05:19.180 Which makes total sense. Yeah.

01:05:20.900 I think the Israel-Palestine thing also, furthermore, is like really helping politics in a way because it's forcing people to kind of get out of their tribes.

01:05:29.460 All these Jewish people who thought they were liberals for so long

01:05:31.920 are now going, oh, this is interesting.

01:05:33.940 This is how people think.

01:05:35.460 Be like, these libs hate Jews,

01:05:37.140 but also some of these conservatives hate Jews.

01:05:39.220 I need to move to Iran after, yeah,

01:05:43.580 because maybe now it'll be a kind of...

01:05:45.000 And it's the first time they've ever been like,

01:05:47.060 maybe I'm not a Democrat.

01:05:48.360 Yeah.

01:05:48.840 Ever in their entire lives.

01:05:51.340 And the only argument I've ever heard against that

01:05:53.960 was my buddy Alex, who's a very funny comedian.

01:05:56.520 And he said, he goes, well, anti-Semitism has been on both sides forever.

01:06:00.720 And I'm like, what a great excuse to just to stay tribal, you know?

01:06:05.040 Yeah.

01:06:05.500 Yeah.

01:06:06.700 It reminds me of because like Norm would do he would do he would tackle political issues.

01:06:12.860 Sure.

01:06:13.020 But it was always in the craziest way.

01:06:15.080 So he instead of just kind of making a little bit of a joke about, you know, Jews or Palestinians or whatever,

01:06:21.040 he would just do a 15-minute bit needling someone on like a holocaust denier right and it would just

01:06:27.460 you go so far well that's how my show is like i'm talking about every everything's political now so

01:06:32.860 like it's you know essentially a hundred percent of my act is political but i just think it's better

01:06:37.720 to go after things that aren't as complex as that and if you want to really like do you remember

01:06:44.440 during covid when like people are like in the stores like in early covid yeah and you have

01:06:49.700 like you know the liberal ladies wearing like a space suit while she's at whole foods and then

01:06:54.420 you had like a guy like my dad who's just like no mask yeah he's like i'm not doing it eating

01:06:59.420 tango yes yeah he's like spitting like and he's like this is all a scam and you know like i and

01:07:05.420 and you're listening to the space suit lady go you gotta wear your mask and the guy like my dad's

01:07:09.760 like i'm not doing it boy and she's like girl and they're arguing or whatever uh and i remember

01:07:14.320 thinking when i'd see those videos on the internet or see it happen in her life that i'm like

01:07:17.980 this psycho I don't agree with her

01:07:20.500 and this psycho I don't agree with him

01:07:22.200 can we both just work this out

01:07:24.220 we're going through something together can we both just

01:07:26.320 figure this out and that's how I think

01:07:28.600 about Israel and Palestine

01:07:29.480 can we just figure this

01:07:32.480 out what a thousand more

01:07:34.460 years of this warring crap

01:07:35.720 I think similarly with COVID I think like

01:07:38.000 can't we just inflict a bio weapon on the

01:07:40.360 entire region and then we don't have to worry about it

01:07:42.500 anymore you know yeah exactly okay

01:07:44.360 last one

01:07:46.380 Last one. Final question. Cue the lights.

01:07:52.620 If you had to repeal one amendment in the hopes of a greater flourishing and safety for people in America,

01:08:00.040 would it be the 19th Amendment?

01:08:05.820 Now, if we could just get a quick refresher on the 19th Amendment.

01:08:09.520 You know, for the audience.

01:08:11.600 Not for Jeff. Jeff knows lots of stuff.

01:08:13.980 Yeah, yeah.

01:08:14.720 Very smart guy.

01:08:16.380 The right to bear arms, everyone knows that.

01:08:19.680 Yeah, you know, we all know the 16th, 17th, 18th, and just...

01:08:25.020 Just for refreshing, you know, for some people.

01:08:27.940 So people, I had this debate with a major politician,

01:08:32.580 and it was people always go for women voting.

01:08:35.400 But it was an implicit debate because we were talking about all sorts of different amendments.

01:08:44.260 there's how many of them something like 26 that's what I heard somewhere around

01:08:47.740 there maybe yeah okay I already told him what the 19 this guy doesn't understand

01:08:53.260 can we please get a new producer to this show he tells me goes you should tell

01:08:57.160 Jeff what the 19th amendment oh yeah I just really really did suffrage yes I

01:09:01.480 just read you see how I did that these broads they don't even wanna and then he

01:09:06.640 says tell him it's women voting no let us vote let us vote but we refuse to go to

01:09:11.380 battle yeah let us vote let us vote but I don't want to plumb or be a

01:09:15.520 construction worker or do any of what the real workforce is I like the the verb

01:09:20.440 plumb like that one who goes a plumbing yeah yeah I'm a plumber you need plumb

01:09:25.360 apply I'm a plum man okay so I give my answer and now what would you say I

01:09:31.000 I wrote, yes.

01:09:37.080 You got to move where mine would go.

01:09:42.420 This is tricky.

01:09:46.520 You got it wrong.

01:09:47.580 And I'm moving to Tehran, baby.

01:09:49.840 Yeah.

01:09:50.440 No, it wouldn't.

01:09:51.140 It would be the 14th Amendment.

01:09:52.760 The 14th Amendment, which is, it'll get me in trouble

01:09:55.880 because that's like equal protection and all this stuff.

01:09:57.900 Yeah.

01:09:58.200 They're going to call me racist,

01:09:59.160 also because of the whole rest of our show.

01:10:00.360 Yeah, they'll kill you because Charlie Kirk said something about the civil rights and nobody ever listens to the second sentence of his argument.

01:10:07.900 Yeah, that was all going around.

01:10:09.240 They called him a racist.

01:10:10.160 They still do.

01:10:11.340 It's just so insane.

01:10:12.800 But, no, the 14th Amendment is really bad because it basically just blows up the whole Constitution.

01:10:17.220 And it actually changes the structure of the Constitution.

01:10:20.740 And then it lets these libs do whatever they want.

01:10:22.740 It's like, we're going to redefine marriage and we're going to, you know, execute the president because of the penumbras and the shadows of the 14th Amendment.

01:10:31.620 Yeah.

01:10:31.860 Equal protection, substantive due process.

01:10:34.440 Well, let's talk about the 19th.

01:10:35.920 Yeah, that would be the second one we repeal.

01:10:37.640 But the first one would be the 14th.

01:10:39.560 Yeah.

01:10:39.840 Maybe it's 17th.

01:10:40.720 The first one.

01:10:41.080 Did it say first?

01:10:41.840 Yeah.

01:10:42.340 Is that if there were one?

01:10:43.620 Wow, that's crazy.

01:10:45.000 So the final score, because of that, we're tied until the last one.

01:10:47.960 Yeah.

01:10:48.840 Because of that, the final score is zero, me.

01:10:52.740 To negative four.

01:10:54.120 Negative four?

01:10:55.200 Yeah, that.

01:10:56.240 I would say it'd probably just be zero, zero.

01:10:58.340 Isn't that how scores work?

01:10:59.460 Yeah, so you, all I'm saying is when you move to Iran,

01:11:04.200 I'm going to teach you one little phrase that you're going to have to use around the,

01:11:07.860 I assume you don't speak Farsi.

01:11:09.280 No.

01:11:10.480 Write this one down.

01:11:11.580 Okay.

01:11:12.180 No ticky, no washi.

01:11:13.740 Yeah, there it is.

01:11:14.740 Be sure to check out Jeff's new podcast, Die Hard with Jeff Dye,

01:11:19.140 available now on YouTube.

01:11:20.260 Also, from dating disasters to brutally honest takes on modern life.

01:11:24.240 You do not want to miss Jeff Dye's tour happening right now.

01:11:27.320 Fast, fearless, just a little bit inappropriate.

01:11:29.580 You are going to want to see this live.

01:11:31.540 Get your tickets now.

01:11:33.180 I already said it.

01:11:33.840 Did you buy them already?

01:11:34.700 Get them now.

01:11:35.660 While they last, jeffdye.com.

01:11:37.460 We don't have a teaser from his current tour.

01:11:39.680 It's too fresh.

01:11:40.380 It's too real.

01:11:41.120 But here is a clip from The Last Cowboy in L.A. to give you a taste of what you will miss if you don't grab your tickets right now.

01:11:47.280 i hit rock bottom in hollywood california that is a bad place for rock bottom because everyone

01:11:53.220 is mean to you there in hollywood everyone my entire career everybody in hollywood's been like

01:11:58.020 you're not even famous i've never heard of you you're not famous you're not even famous you're

01:12:02.420 not famous i have never heard of you you're not famous you're not even famous right and then i

01:12:06.680 have one bad day and it's like famous comedian crashes car fights god i'm like god damn it

01:12:11.240 Dirty dogs is a lot for a smoothie.

01:12:17.140 Yes, yes.

01:12:18.900 Also, if I'm honest, I actually like trans women better than I like regular women.

01:12:23.600 I do.

01:12:24.000 Have you ever talked to a trans woman?

01:12:25.480 They're great.

01:12:26.040 They're like dudes.

01:12:28.160 I'm just a raw dog in life, you know?

01:12:33.560 You don't like goo-go?

01:12:34.700 You don't like goo-go?

01:12:35.540 Goo-go dogs.

01:12:36.220 Goo-go.

01:12:36.900 Goo-go.

01:12:37.620 Goo-go.

01:12:38.160 Goo-go dogs.

01:12:38.900 This is brave, what I'm doing right now.

01:12:40.540 Hit him with the poetry.

01:12:42.240 Like, no, not the...

01:12:43.300 I like her.

01:12:45.480 She likes naughty words.

01:12:46.820 Probably not a smart subject to do on my first special,

01:12:49.520 but, you know, I like to start at cancer.

01:12:52.560 I like to start at cancer.

01:12:54.700 All right.

01:12:59.060 I will say...

01:12:59.820 First of all, Jeff, thanks for coming.

01:13:00.820 Thank you, man.

01:13:01.440 You're the best.

01:13:01.880 This was excellent.

01:13:02.880 Absolutely.

01:13:03.160 I'll see you on the next episode of Yes or No.

01:13:10.540 You

The Michael Knowles Show - March 28, 2026

YES or NO： Jeff Dye

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