QUESTIONS - Does a Husband Have Authority to Tell His Wife What Clothes to Wear？
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Summary
Is it permissible for a wife to disobey commands from her husband when they fall outside of his jurisdiction? Or should all neutral commands be obeyed? This is a great question and one that has been debated for a long time. In Ephesians 5:1-5, it says, "Let every person be subject to the governing authorities; for there is no authority except from God, and those that exist have been instituted by God." (Eph 5:24) But when the Bible shifts from the sovereign sphere of the state, the civil sphere, to the familial sphere, the home, the church, and the family sphere, does that mean that everyone should submit to their own husbands?
Transcript
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it's going to be 130. So go to rightresponseconference.com, rightresponseconference.com
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and register today. Thanks. All right. Lauren Schmidt, where does a husband's jurisdiction
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end? Is it permissible for a wife to disobey commands from a husband when they fall outside
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of his jurisdiction or should all neutral commands be obeyed? This is a great question. Let me look
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at just a couple of verses. I'm going to be brief on this one, but it's important. It's really
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important. All right, this is Romans 13. Have you ever heard of that chapter of the Bible,
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Romans 13? Anybody preached on that in the last two years? So Romans 13, verse one,
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what it says is, let every person, make note of that, every person, be subject to the governing
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authorities, for there is no authority except from God, and those that exist have been instituted by
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God. I'm just going to stop there. That's Romans 13 verse 1. Now look at Ephesians. Ephesians 5
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verse 22, 23, and 24. Wives, submit to your own husbands as to the Lord, for the husband is the
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head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior.
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Now, as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands.
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One is speaking about the submission of citizens
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And the other is speaking of the submission of wives
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to their familial authority, their head in their home,
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When it talks about citizens of a sovereign nation submitting to their civil authorities,
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When it's wives, it's submit in everything.
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When the Bible speaks of the obligation, the moral duty of citizens and what they're called
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to submit to towards civil magistrates, civil authorities, it's that every person should submit.
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But then it doesn't get specific about submit to every single whim of the civil magistrate,
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every single thing he says. But when the Bible shifts from the sphere, the sovereign sphere of
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the state, the civil sphere, to the familial sphere, to the home, and talks about the submission
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of a wife to her husband, it's not everyone should submit to a husband. No, it's this one
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particular wife should submit to this one particular man, but in everything. That's
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Ephesians chapter five, verse 24. So the point is this, three sovereign spheres, right? The home,
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the church, and the state. This is just a general answer to your question, okay? There's much more
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that could be said, much more caveats, much more disclaimers, much more specificity,
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but as a general rule of thumb, in these three spheres, the home, the church, and the state,
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in the civil realm, the state has authority over the largest amount of people, but their authority
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is about this much. They have the smallest amount. What I'm saying is in the civil realm,
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civil authorities have the smallest amount of authority, but over the largest group of people.
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In the ecclesiastical realm, the church, elders, and to a lesser degree deacons, but primarily
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elders, ecclesiastical authority, they have a fair amount of authority over a fair amount of people.
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In the home, the head of a home has virtually, and notice that caveat, that disclaimer,
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virtually, has virtually total authority over a very finite, narrow amount of people.
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So when it comes to the state, the civil realm, authorities, civil authorities, very little
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Let everyone be subject to the civil authorities.
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In the church, some authority over some people.
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in the home, lots of authority over just a few amount of people. Husbands and, by proxy,
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wives, or I should say fathers and mothers, have virtually absolute authority over children. I'll
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start there, parents, children, and then I'll talk husband, wife. But parents and children,
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to think about this. Parents dictate the diet of their children. Parents determine what their
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children eat, when their children eat, when their children should go to the bathroom.
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I command my three-year-old, I do it lovingly, I do it gently, but I command, it's actually an
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order. It is an authoritative command. I tell my three-year-old, it's time to go potty right now.
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now if my three-year-old literally can't go potty then she's not disciplined for it but she has to
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go to the potty and try to go potty right now as i've given the command now joe biden is a heck
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of a tyrant i mean i have to tip my hat to the guy i mean i i don't think we've ever seen tyranny
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in this nation quite like he does it i mean he's he is a professional he is fantastic at tyrannizing
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people. And yet even Joe Biden, as tyrannical as that man is, he at least yet, not yet, has he
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told me when to go to the bathroom. I'm sure he wants to, and he's probably just figuring out a
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way with Congress to make that happen. But still, the point remains, as of now, in the civil realm,
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Joe Biden doesn't tell me when to go to the bathroom. And that's a tyrant. And yet that
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tyrant still has less authority over his civil subjects in the civil realm than I have as a
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non-tyrant, as someone who is in submission to Jesus Christ and seeking to use authority in
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God-honoring ways, I still have far more authority over my toddler than this tyrannical man has in
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the civil realm over his subjects, which we're not subjects, but he thinks we are. We're free
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citizens. So the point is, as a general rule of thumb, I think Ephesians 5 verse 24, Romans 13
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verse 1, I think it's interesting, the comparing and contrasting. With Romans 13 verse 1 talking
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about the civil realm, the word every is in relation to not every commandment from the
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civil magistrate do we submit to, but rather it's everyone should be subject. So the big inclusive
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word is used to describe the scope, not of authority, but the scope of people who are
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under that authority. It's everyone, everyone, when it comes to the civil realm. When it comes
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to the familial realm, the home, it's everything. The wife, not everyone, is in submission to this
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man, this husband, but she is, and it's the scope of his authority. It's not the scope of how many
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people are in submission to him, but it's the scope of what degree of authority does he have.
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She should be subject in submission to everything. So, that being said, we live in an egalitarian,
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feministic age, and that has seeped into the church like nobody's business. And so,
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you will not hear this from the vast majority of so-called complementarian pastors. But this is
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the reality. Sarah called Abraham her Lord. Not Lord like her God, but lowercase l, Lord, like
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sir. She is responding to her husband, engaging her husband, even in the title that she uses to
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address him in a very respectful and submissive way. First Peter chapter three. Then Peter goes
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on to say, and you are her children, speaking to women who are wives, you are her children,
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if you do as she did and do not fear anything that is frightening. If you too submit to your
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husbands in everything. So what we don't do is we never submit to any human authority, whether it's
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in the civil sphere or the home or the church, whether it's a citizen in a nation or a child
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even in a home or a wife with her husband or a church member with a pastor. We never submit
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when authority tells us to do something that God forbids or when authority tells us not to do
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something that God commands. And that applies in all three spheres, in every single area of
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submission, every kind of submission. So if the husband tells the wife to sin, the wife respectfully
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says, no. She says, no, I'm sorry. But the question that I received is what about the
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neutral things? Well, see over here in the civil sphere, if Nebuchadnezzar says, bow down to this
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golden statue and commit idolatry, you say no, right? But even if Joe Biden says,
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get this vaccine, you can also say no. If Joe Biden says, worship another God,
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you must say no. If Joe Biden says, to use Todd Friel's example, because Todd Friel was dead wrong,
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but wear a pinwheel on the side of your head. Todd Friel, his point was to say, well,
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this is something that's neutral. God doesn't say in scripture, he doesn't forbid us from
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wearing pinwheels on the side of our head. So we can wear a pinwheel on the side of our head
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without being disobedient to God. Therefore, if the governing authorities tell us to wear a pinwheel
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on the side of our head, we should do it. And I would say, no, no, you can do it. But you also,
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you also, in the spirit of holiness and being completely obedient to scripture and pleasing
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to the Lord, you can tell the civil magistrate, I'm not going to wear a pinwheel on the side of
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my head. You are being a tyrant. And it's actually, and I can make a strong case for that being loving
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to neighbor. Because part of the reason why our neighbor was so crushed over the last two years
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by the civil magistrate is because so much of the nation, the citizens, were compliant.
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The more we complied, the more power, the more momentum the civil magistrate got to shut down
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businesses and to crush this and to crush that. And so by resisting tyranny upstream, before it
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gets downstream, before it becomes the gulags and the coliseum, to resist tyranny at the
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pinwheel moment actually helps to stave off the potential of the Colosseum moment. So I can
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actually make a strong biblical argument. However, the Bible does allow for Christian liberty that
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one Christian may say, I think that we should wear the pinwheel. Now, the reason why Todd Friel was
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wrong is he wasn't saying you're free to wear the pinwheel and you're free not to. He was saying we
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should wear the pinwheel. And he's wrong. In the civil realm, we are not commanded to submit
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in everything. Romans 13 goes on to say, would you have no fear of the one who rules over you,
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the one who does not bear the sword in vain, but is God's avenger? Would you have no fear of him?
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Then this is what you should do. Do what he says. No, that's not what Romans 13 teaches.
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It says, would you have no fear of him? Then do what is good. And here's the question,
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who decides what is good? Who sets the standard for goodness?
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Paul says in Romans 13 would you have no fear of the civil magistrate then do what is good
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do you think Paul meant then do what is good according to Nero
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even if he says it's good to practice idolatry no Paul's saying would you have no fear of the
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one who rules over you the civil magistrate then do what is good aka do what God requires
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do what is eternally good what is truly good according to a transcendent universal standard
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of goodness set by God himself. Do that. And you might say, well, but there are lots of governments
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where if you do what is good, it would actually hurt you. And Paul says, if you would have no
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fear of the one, yeah, Paul's talking about an ideal government. Paul's not saying this is a
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principle that will work in every single government. If you do what God requires,
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the civil magistrate will always love you. Now, Paul's just saying, this is the purpose. It's not
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a descriptive text of every single, an example of every single civil magistrate in all places
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throughout all human history. No, Paul's saying this is simply, it's a principle text. He's saying
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this is God's purpose for government. This is how it's supposed to function. This is what
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government is supposed to be for. Paul knew better than anyone that government overrides
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its jurisdiction and government perverts God's purposes for government. But he's simply saying
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government is, as perverse as it might be, government is actually divinely instituted by
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God. And it has a very clear purpose. What is it? To provide state schools? Nope. To punish those
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who do evil and reward those who do right. And when government is functioning properly,
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here's how you ensure that you're on government's good side. Well, if government is righteous,
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then you being righteous would cause you to have nothing to fear from a righteous government.
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and that's the ideal. That's the way it's supposed to be. That's what Paul's saying
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in Romans chapter 13. He's not saying that we submit in everything to those who are in civil
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authority. However, Paul does say that to wives in relation to their submission to their husbands
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in the home. Paul does not say that to citizens in the civil realm, submit in everything. No,
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he says, everyone submit, everyone submit in the civil realm, but in the home realm,
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wife submit in everything, everything. And again, the caveat, because we have to have a whole
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biblical theology and not be biblicist and just look at one verse and read it literally a whole
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biblical theology. We know that in any realm, home church or state, if authority commands us to do
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something that God forbids or forbids us from doing something that God commands, we must
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disobey that human authority. Better to obey God rather than men. Okay, that's clear. And that
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applies to the children with the parent or the wife to the husband or the citizen to the civil
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magistrate or the church member to the pastor in every way, every realm. However, what about the
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neutral commands? Well, I would say that Todd Friel, ironically, his neutral example of the
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pinwheel. I still have some problems with it, but that actually would be far closer to being a
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legitimate biblical argument if he said it about husbands and wives. But nobody will say it about
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husbands and wives. Have you noticed that? I just, I want to end with this. Have you noticed
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the hypocrisy? The same gospel coalition, Acts 29, all the soft complementarians, the guys who
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are actually functionally egalitarian, the feminists who pretend to hold to biblical
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views, you know, roles between men and women. Have you noticed that all of them over the last
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two years, whether it be the vaccine or whether it be the lockdowns or church, you know, all of
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them guys, guys criticized Jonathan Lehman, nine marks. They criticized John MacArthur for opening
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his church back up and, and, and his article, Christ, not Caesar's head of the church, because
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John MacArthur didn't just make a personal decision to open his church. He was saying
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other churches should do this too. And that's what Jonathan Lehman and Nine Marks took issue
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to. How dare you make us feel like we're being cowards for not doing this thing that would
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actually be faithful and courageous? Well, I'm sorry. If the shoe fits, wear it. You're being
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cowards. You are being cowards. But my point is this. Guys criticized anyone who wanted to resist
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the civil magistrate's tyranny. And those same guys happen to be the soft complementarians
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So the guys who over here in the civil realm say,
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in everything, Christian, and set a good example.
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And in the home realm, if a wife doesn't want to submit to her husband, even in things that
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are clear in scripture that she should, what do they say over here in this realm?
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And servant leadership means that you lead by serving.
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Not that leading is your service to your family, to your wife and children.
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I serve my family by leading them with courage and fidelity.
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No, no, no, no, no, that's not what servant leadership means.
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It means not that your service is your leadership, but it means that you lead by serving.
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So you should be washing the dishes, you should be cleaning the house, you should be doing
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all these things, because by the way, I mean, yeah, you work out of the home 50 hours a
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week, husband, but you're a joke, and men are a joke, and masculine work is a joke,
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and your work outside of the home is a joke.
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And she works, she's the only one who really works.
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and you massage those feet and you clean the house
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Servant leadership, the emphasis falls on servant
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and leadership is kind of the, the leadership is silent, right? Like the word gnat, the in is
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silent. You know, servant leadership, the leadership is silent, really just servant.
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Do you see the hypocrisy? So in the civil realm, submit. And then in marriage,
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oh yeah, that husband's being tyrannical. That husband's being abusive. He's being domineering.
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You shouldn't have to submit to that. That's the opposite of what the Bible teaches. The Bible
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teaches that the husband has far more authority over his wife than a president has over the
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citizens in his nation. Civil authority, everyone. Far more people, far less authority. In the home,
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far less people, far more authority. So with a neutral command, like for instance, I'm just
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going to use this and be done, but this as an example, dressing. Pinwheel, I'm not using pinwheel
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because there's just no reason to have a pin, but dress code. If a husband says to his wife,
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I don't want you to wear that skirt. It's too short. Please do not wear that. I think it's
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inappropriate. And she disagrees. What should she do? I think the Bible is abundantly clear.
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she should change she should change clothes and say yes sir or if she wants to be extra
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biblical like sarah she can say yes lord and she should change and even if the husband's wrong
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then he'll have to stand before god one day and he shouldn't say it harshly he shouldn't be
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domineering he shouldn't be having to give commands 15 commands every single day i give
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dozens of commands every day to my three-year-old, not to my wife. Do you know why? Because I don't
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have authority over her? No, I do have authority over her, a great deal of authority. But my wife
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fears the Lord, and she's an honorable woman. I can't even remember the last time I gave my wife
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a command. And from time to time, I do. But she's a grown woman. And she's not just a grown woman,
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she's a grown godly woman, but it's not that I don't have authority over her. It's just that
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my wife needs less supervision. She needs less direction. She still needs some direction. I'm
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washing her in the word. I'm discipling her. I'm leading her, but she needs less practical daily
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direction than my children do because they're small. They're still in formation. They're young.
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They're immature, right? So I don't think that a husband should be given commands all the time
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because ideally a wife doesn't need commands all the time.
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then it's not gonna be like three different commands
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But if that situation does come up in a marriage,
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a husband and wife disagree over the length of a skirt,
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We say he's the head of, it just, it doesn't mean anything.
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Let's just be honest and say, he's not a leader.
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feminist that's the vast majority of the church anyways that's the vast majority of the sbc
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that's why they have to decide what is a pastor matt walsh is doing what is a woman the sbc needs
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to do a documentary called what is a pastor because apparently it means nothing because
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women can do it and a large section of the sbc thinks that why because they're feminist
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they're feminist they don't believe the bible and all i'm asking at the end of this episode
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all I'm asking guys, just do poor old Joel a favor. He's losing his mind. Do me a favor.
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I'm not even saying you have to hold a biblical patriarchy. I'm just saying, just, just stop
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lying to my face. Just say you're a feminist. You know, you are, I know you are. Everyone knows you
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are. Just say you're a feminist. Stop calling it complimentarian, soft complimentarian. Stop,
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stop using Amy Byrd language and Beth Moore language. Like just, just be honest and say,
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we hate the Bible. We hate God's standard. We hate men. We're raging feminists. Just say it
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and we can all move on. So there's my answer to the question. And there's a little, little
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traditional Pastor Joel rant with a little bit of fiery attitude at the end. Hope you guys enjoyed
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this week's live Q&A with Pastor Joel. And I hope to see you again next week.
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Thanks so much for listening. But real quick, before you go, do us a small favor, take a moment and leave us a five star review. If you enjoyed the show, this is undoubtedly the best way that you can help us get this biblically faithful content to as many people as possible. Thanks so much.