The NXR Podcast - THE FRIDAY SPECIAL - Why Christian Men Don’t Have Friends

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00:00:30.000 A typical day in the life of the young man in the modern world is to wake up, leave home, sit in a car for part of an hour, arrive at work, interact with people from whom your existence is nothing more than a means to a paycheck.

00:00:46.980 He drives home alone in his car for part of an hour.

00:00:50.800 Even the brutalist architecture that surrounds him is designed to make him feel alone.

00:00:56.800 He goes home alone, maybe to interact with virtual friends on social media or video games,

00:01:04.280 maybe to consume entertainment and pornography alone.

00:01:08.300 He is isolated.

00:01:09.680 He is distant from his family, a family that has been fractured since his parents split

00:01:14.360 up when he was very young.

00:01:16.960 Every waking second of his life, he is confronted with the fact that no one really cares whether

00:01:23.740 he exists or not.

00:01:25.200 This may seem hyperbolic. It may seem like an exaggeration, but these are the conditions that

00:01:32.040 many young people live in today. It's time that Christians learn this lesson. It is not possible 0.91

00:01:38.980 to understand the spiritual miasma of our current era without recognizing how extraordinarily lonely

00:01:46.080 most people are you are utterly alone alone utterly alone it's true yeah yeah now it's not

00:01:58.760 necessarily true for the christian man who is working to turn back the tide on trash world

00:02:04.380 but for a lot of people women but it seems like even maybe disproportionately more so men

00:02:10.500 are incredibly alone this this part really you know it kind of it spoke to me in a certain way

00:02:17.140 because when i when i before i became to christ i lived in new york city which is one of the

00:02:22.340 largest cities on the planet it's just people on top of people you know what i mean they're

00:02:27.100 everywhere you can't get away um but i was i was pretty you know i was pretty good at isolating

00:02:35.300 myself. And I was able to do it very easily. I'd commute about an hour to work because even if it's

00:02:42.180 a mile away, it takes an hour to get there in New York. And I'd pass by just tons of people.

00:02:48.480 I had no idea who they were. And then I'd go to my room and whatever the night brought,

00:02:54.380 whether it was drinking, whether it was drugs, whether it was video games, whether it was

00:02:57.640 pornography, whatever it was, I would do that alone. And then on the weekends, I'd get together

00:03:02.720 are my degenerate friends but like my life was lived pretty much alone nobody really knew what

00:03:07.420 was going on and we even had i had i worked at a very high turnover kind of sales environment

00:03:11.600 and we would make a joke of it people would just vaporize and i had a i had i would say was a index

00:03:18.340 card i had like 10 index cards with tiny writing of names of people that had come and gone and we

00:03:24.180 had no idea where they went you know why they went it would just be gone but things just kept

00:03:28.960 functioning right and it was a high producing office too it was an office that generated a lot

00:03:33.460 of cash um and these people would just come and go and nobody really even knew nobody even knew

00:03:38.980 even really knew where they lived and it was just it was just an isolating type of experience and

00:03:43.500 again i had friends so i wasn't totally alone but i could live my life for a long time if i didn't

00:03:48.480 see my friends for a few weekends in a row it could be a month and i you know was alone basically

00:03:52.360 the entire time in a city full of people right right yeah and you're completely alone and i think

00:03:57.540 the city um it it exacerbates that feeling of loneliness uh it's it's harder to feel as alone

00:04:05.160 if you're like living out in the country yeah uh even if you're totally you are totally right

00:04:09.360 you're actually alone it is it's way more intense because you see people all day and they don't care

00:04:15.340 about you at all no right right if you just drop dead right in front of them would they even stop

00:04:19.000 to help you i i've seen people that may or may not have been dead on the side of the street

00:04:23.680 before i was a believer and i just keep walking keep walking right by him yeah yeah and and so

00:04:28.700 that that and that's in your like you know this like you know that the this mass of humanity that

00:04:34.660 surrounds you does not care about you at all you're just one face in a sea of faces and you know that

00:04:41.860 that hits you pretty hard yeah right that that oh i don't have anyone i don't have a people i don't

00:04:46.860 have a community i don't have family or friends real friends um and that's the existence that

00:04:52.640 most people live under today yeah and and it's it's daunting it's it's terrifying and yeah and

00:05:00.400 for the christian it shouldn't be that way even some christians um have life that is this way even

00:05:05.740 you know if you live in a big city and you go to you know like a large mega church um you're just

00:05:12.300 facing the crowd there too you know if you go to a church that has 15 000 people well you can go

00:05:18.020 there for years and never know anybody yeah and of course a lot of people like that like that's

00:05:22.900 the draw yeah that's the draw one of the main attractions i think for a lot of mega churches

00:05:27.100 is the lights i mean literally the lights are turned down low the the music is loud so i can't

00:05:33.080 see you i can't hear you i can come in a little bit late and i can leave a little bit early and

00:05:38.260 it's just an experience i don't have to actually be accountable to anybody or know anybody meet

00:05:42.900 anybody like that is it's like going to a movie theater right that's not the that's not the bug

00:05:47.480 You don't make any friends in the movie theater.

00:05:50.540 You just hope they stay quiet.

00:05:52.500 Right, yeah, yeah, and people like that.

00:05:56.360 And it seems like we're such a lonely society today,

00:05:59.840 and the church, sadly, is, well, I think the church probably does better on this one.

00:06:04.980 The church, in many cases, is kind of like, here's the culture, here's the church.

00:06:09.360 And it's like Pam from The Office, it's the same picture.

00:06:11.600 Yeah, same picture.

00:06:12.140 But I think that the church...

00:06:14.960 On this, the church generally does better.

00:06:16.900 It generally does better. 1.00

00:06:17.960 I think, you know, in fact, there are people who aren't even Christian who will still go

00:06:21.700 to a church just to try to make some friends. 0.55

00:06:23.540 Yeah.

00:06:23.820 You know, like that, that is one of the draws.

00:06:25.920 And so praise God for that.

00:06:27.540 But even within the church though, there still is a lack of friendship that I think, you

00:06:33.600 know, prior generations experienced and especially for older men to where like, I think for men,

00:06:40.100 the only relationships they have at all is with their wife and children.

00:06:44.260 Yeah.

00:06:44.580 you know like where you you'll hear the language of like my wife is my best friend

00:06:48.700 you know um that kind of language and she's my only friend the only one i have the only person

00:06:53.120 that yeah she's my only friend you know it's like um you know but meanwhile she has lots of friends

00:06:58.960 yeah she usually has lots of friends um but a lot of guys it's like your wife is your only friend

00:07:04.440 that you have and so really i what we're talking about i think in this episode is brotherhood

00:07:09.120 yeah and anytime you know you see deep profound brotherhood um it's rare but when you do see it

00:07:16.200 even the church uh thinks like well it must be gay yeah you know like so like like so david and

00:07:23.060 jonathan there's you know there's no way that those two guys could actually just be friends like 0.93

00:07:28.300 no they must be gay they must be gay yeah yeah that's i mean that's what the world does with any 0.99

00:07:32.920 close friendships and you see this like like reddit uh idiots you know like they try to 1.00

00:07:38.000 imply that two characters in a tv show they're secretly gay right like all the time that's all 0.99

00:07:44.560 they do and and really well in most tv shows they turn out to be they end up being that yeah the

00:07:49.200 writers eventually you know reward them i don't watch these gay shows that's right i don't know

00:07:52.680 what you're talking about but um but that i think it's it's part of um a people that that simply do

00:08:00.760 not know what what male friendship looks like entails what they've never experienced it before

00:08:06.100 they they don't know anything other than than you know with this like the lust and sexual desire

00:08:12.780 that's the only thing they can comprehend eroticism yeah yeah and and it's like so of course

00:08:17.820 they their mind goes that way because that's the only form of relationship they between two people

00:08:23.380 they can even comprehend and i think that with that the church gears towards it does a better

00:08:28.000 job in the world and facilitate facilitating relationship and community but primarily for

00:08:33.920 women not for men and i think part of the reason why is because back to the whole you know gnostic

00:08:37.900 thing that we've been talking about but gnosticism pietism this whole thing this world is not my home

00:08:43.000 so if the world's not your home if jesus is coming back next thursday if things if god has ordained

00:08:48.220 it's actually spelled out that things must get worse and worse until jesus comes back and he's

00:08:53.180 coming back relatively soon and this world is not our home and the world is going to dissolve like

00:08:57.560 snow and we believe we take that in a literal sense you know it's going to be burned with fire

00:09:01.500 you know like all these kind of things you know um and and for the record i we don't believe any

00:09:06.940 of those things that i just listed but that's what a lot of people do believe if you believe

00:09:10.980 those kinds of things then building doesn't make much sense and here's the problem um the essence

00:09:16.340 of in my experience the essence of male relationship male friendships has always been around fighting

00:09:21.900 and building whereas the essence of female relationships part of the reason why christian

00:09:26.320 women in the church have more relationships than christian men is because the church itself what

00:09:32.360 it focuses on is introspection it's uh sharing you know and divulging and and you know these

00:09:40.140 it's like dna groups gospel groups confessing your sin these kind of you know what's your

00:09:45.100 anagram right yeah exactly and so uh those kinds of things whereas like for for men uh there's such

00:09:51.740 a de-emphasis on building and fighting and restoring chrysidom mission and right yeah but

00:09:58.820 for like the best friendships i've ever had in my life is because we were building something

00:10:03.020 together yeah and if we're not the moment that the project stopped here's the idea the moment

00:10:09.720 that the project stopped then the relationship it did get gay like not now they didn't get like

00:10:14.720 super gay i don't have something to confess to it you know like i'm not in the literal sense you

00:10:18.240 this is not a confession but you know but in the metaphorical sense it got like it's like 0.52

00:10:23.740 hey dude how are you doing how are you doing hey yeah uh-huh uh you want to go do something like

00:10:29.680 this is weird yeah yeah let's let's go do let's do something because if we weren't building if

00:10:34.660 we weren't making something or fighting something like right right now like all you know all three

00:10:39.600 of us are on you know we have all these different things that we keep up with you know with

00:10:43.000 friendships and stuff like that but it's all circulating on around um building and fighting

00:10:48.400 yeah there's a there's a particular mission that we are all aligned on and and we have this vision

00:10:54.000 and goal that we're all striving towards together and that's yeah all the you know close male

00:10:59.860 friendships i've had that's it's been the same way you know it's like there's a reason why you

00:11:04.540 know men in like a a locker room or young men in a locker room like a football team are really tight

00:11:10.300 really close and this is like the strongest bonds that they have or men that were in the military

00:11:14.280 you know the closest friendships they ever had were were those ones where you're you were like

00:11:19.560 literally in a foxhole with another guy and facing death uh well you're gonna you're gonna have a

00:11:24.160 strong bond with with these these other guys but even you know even going back like i i will

00:11:29.200 you know attend or do funerals for like elderly you know men from you know two or three generations

00:11:36.440 back and you see you know on the on the program well this guy was a member of the lions club and

00:11:41.420 the elks and the rotary and all these different you know he was in everything and on all these

00:11:47.480 he had tons of relationships with all these people in the community and it's because all of it was

00:11:52.140 centered around different types of mission different things they were trying to build and do

00:11:56.120 and accomplish together that's what men do um and you see that like and you see you know if you go

00:12:02.960 on like the Facebook page of your local rotary club or, or whatever, something like that,

00:12:07.180 or lions or any of that. And it's all 70 plus year old men. They don't, they don't have any

00:12:12.820 young men involved in those things anymore. There's all sorts of reasons for that. We've

00:12:17.580 talked about many of them, um, in, in the, this series here, but, um, men, I think are conditioned

00:12:25.440 to be alone and expect to be alone and don't go and join things. Don't participate in things

00:12:29.800 because um they they want to be alone right they want to be isolated they don't want to have someone

00:12:35.160 involved in their life um they they go to the big mega church where they can be anonymous because

00:12:39.460 they don't want somebody watching over them i mean so it's a kind of a two-way street like they're

00:12:44.040 they're very isolated and they're depressed and anxious and life is miserable because they're

00:12:48.500 isolated but at the same time they they don't want to not be yeah because that's costly use

00:12:53.500 a trade-off that described me you know for to a t because like i said i had degenerate friends and

00:12:57.760 we would do degeneracy you know all the time together that was the mission but well that's

00:13:02.460 true but but you know to be honest there were things that i i didn't want my friends knowing

00:13:06.440 what i was up to yeah you know i don't want them to know that i was drinking as much as i was

00:13:10.220 yeah or doing whatever i was what is i was doing like i i kind of wanted to be like i could have

00:13:15.420 hung out with them any every day if i wanted to but i chose not to you know what i mean i wanted

00:13:20.140 to be alone and i think one of the things i found so interesting in your book is you mentioned at

00:13:25.380 one point it was just like a line about how they've been tricked into thinking they're introverts or

00:13:29.540 something like that yeah or something like that because people talk about that all the time all

00:13:33.380 the time right i'm an introvert exactly exactly and i've said that about myself before you know

00:13:37.720 i you know when i go to an event like the fight laugh feast conference yeah i'm always dreading

00:13:41.380 it going up to the event but i always have a great time you know what i mean you heard it here

00:13:45.420 everyone yeah i've said this many times yeah i've said this many times um yeah this is no secret

00:13:50.980 but I always have a great time and it doesn't feel stressful for me to talk to people. I always

00:13:55.980 have a great time. Um, but you know, I, I, I do feel like I was almost like not, maybe not programmed

00:14:03.780 to be, think I was an introvert, but to almost wear it as a badge of honor, you know, almost

00:14:08.700 that, that, that I, I can be alone. I I'm okay with that. I don't need to have these friends

00:14:13.560 and things like that. Yeah. And like, well, then the whole concept of introversion, extroversion

00:14:18.020 is really just, what is the thing that drains you? Right. Uh, is, does being alone make you tired

00:14:23.820 and wipe you out or is being with people, you know? And I, I always, I always thought like,

00:14:28.360 Oh, Andrew, you're, you're an extrovert. Like you, uh, you love being around people and talking

00:14:32.600 with people and hanging out with people. And I do, I love it. Uh, but things, things just like

00:14:37.420 that, going to conferences and talking to people all day, like I come home from it. I'm, I am

00:14:41.540 exhausted yeah i'm so tired and i need like a week to just lock myself in my office and read

00:14:47.440 and think and it's like oh maybe i'm an introvert i don't want to be because of this like reddit

00:14:52.900 concept of like oh i'm an introvert and that means i can just watch video game or play video

00:14:57.060 games all day and and i'm good uh it's like this badge of honor like you say um and i didn't want

00:15:01.980 to wear that but it's like i think i am yeah right but you um at the same time like it's it's

00:15:08.880 this culturally and socially conditioned concept where you should exalt in your own loneliness

00:15:14.580 and your own isolation and your own kind of weirdness. Like people, people want to be super

00:15:21.380 weird on purpose and off-putting because then they, then they have an excuse. Then it's kind

00:15:26.240 of a cope. Like, well, my own, my loneliness, people, they won't get me, you know, they won't

00:15:30.360 understand me. Not just because you're a freak. Yeah. Yeah. I'm going to like do this like deep 0.99

00:15:35.460 a Spurgy dive onto, uh, uh, every facet of Star Trek information, you know, and only talk about 0.96

00:15:41.120 that. And then I, that's why I don't have any friends, you know? And it's like, no, no, it's 0.98

00:15:44.720 just cause you're weird and you want to be. Yeah. Yeah. And I think deep down, again, I think that

00:15:52.060 I was ashamed of some of the stuff I was doing, you know? Yeah. And I, and I, I wore the badge

00:15:57.080 of introversion as a cope essentially. Cause I really, what I didn't want is people to know

00:16:01.620 was what i was up to yeah yeah exactly you you it's a defense mechanism really more than anything

00:16:06.840 else yeah all right i'm just gonna say it this show is fantastic you know it's fantastic i know

00:16:12.420 it's fantastic but i'm willing to admit there is one singular problem the waiting zone right you

00:16:18.520 gotta wait a whole week for each new episode of this show to drop on fridays at 4 p.m central time

00:16:24.700 unless you go on over to patreon.com forward slash right response ministries and then you'll

00:16:32.840 be able to binge watch every single episode of an entire season all in one day so this is a season

00:16:40.460 based show right the whole idea is a deep dive on one singular topic so that you know everything

00:16:47.140 there is to know each season comes out in a quarter right so a three-month period anywhere

00:16:52.660 from probably eight to 12 episodes in a season and the moment that the first episode of a new

00:16:58.620 season drops to the public then you can go over to patreon.com forward slash right response

00:17:05.300 ministries and watch all of those episodes without having to wait week by week by week

00:17:11.020 for the next episode to publicly drop so you know what to do don't waste any more time binge watch

00:17:17.460 the whole season today yeah and in this day and age living in trash world like one of the things

00:17:23.420 that i want young men especially to realize and i say young men that's a relative term 30s 40s

00:17:28.920 we're young but yeah we're yeah yeah but what i want them to realize is like no but you've got

00:17:33.480 to touch grass uh you you have to um you have to actually have some real friendships that you live

00:17:41.180 nearby so like that's part of what i want to get to is like because like i think a lot of us it's

00:17:46.340 like oh i have friends i have 30 uh 30 friends on twitter yeah you know and we're on a group chat

00:17:52.900 you know on signal where we you know we're formulating our twitter strategies you know

00:17:57.500 blah blah it's like okay that's great that's fine you know i it's even that it's relatively

00:18:02.460 those can be real friends too yeah they can be yeah yeah but what i'm what what i'm trying to

00:18:09.040 get at is it like um but when it rains it pours and when you know when the next thing because

00:18:13.980 there will be a next thing you know whatever you know if it's world war three you know god forbid

00:18:18.900 or covid round two or you know whatever something we can't even think it really helps when you know

00:18:25.120 someone who's within a 10 mile radius who who can like be at your front doorstep your people yeah

00:18:32.500 who are the guys that you would call to check on your wife if you were away exactly you know what

00:18:36.400 i mean exactly yep exactly yeah so having and really what we're getting at is like you need a

00:18:42.100 church like you need a local church i think there's still a lot of because what you're getting

00:18:46.440 at in that chapter andrew is the atomized man you know like that that man right now like again you

00:18:52.680 know trash world has you know it has rulers in in this regime and they want people who are easily

00:18:58.460 manipulated people who are easy to to control um so okay like we've talked a lot about the physical 0.99

00:19:04.200 but like okay let's make sure they're fat let's make sure they're sickly let's make sure uh let's 0.81

00:19:09.340 definitely make sure that they're chemically castrated that they have low t levels you know

00:19:13.160 they have low testosterone they're not very aggressive um all those kinds of things but in

00:19:17.220 addition to that um let's also make sure that they're lonely like you know like let's make sure

00:19:22.760 that um that they don't have they don't have households they don't they don't have capital

00:19:27.340 they don't have property they don't own anything they don't have a wife they don't have children

00:19:31.360 let's keep them single and let's keep them lonely um and if they do somehow you know end up with a

00:19:36.620 wife and end up with kids and end up owning a home, well, at least let's make sure that the

00:19:41.300 only friends they have are in the comment sections on YouTube or on Twitter. Let's make sure that 0.98

00:19:46.660 they don't actually have brick-and-mortar, flesh-and-blood friendships within proximity

00:19:52.220 because those are defensible. That's defensible. Like when you have a local church with real

00:19:59.800 people who think the same way, who all own property in the same town, and some have run

00:20:06.340 for local office and you have you know this and that like that now we're talking about something

00:20:11.160 that like actually is not just spiritually a threat but it is spiritually and literally a

00:20:18.000 threat politically culturally all of this like i i i mentioned this in the book you know it's it's

00:20:22.580 funny you know i will talk to uh relative very conservative uh boomer generation you know relatives

00:20:29.360 about you know things going on in politics and how bad stuff is and things like that

00:20:34.180 and you know they will always eventually at some point in the conversation go to

00:20:39.320 well if it gets bad enough we still got all the guns and like i mean i'm sure you guys have all

00:20:45.420 heard this kind of stuff before all the time and i always just like like laugh at that because it's

00:20:51.040 like okay you've got guns what are you gonna do right like what are you gonna do like and and 0.95

00:20:57.100 like they're they're they're chopping off the genitals of little boys uh take them away from 0.97

00:21:01.020 their parents right right is it not bad enough yet and no one's doing anything uh and and and so 0.93

00:21:07.460 it's the the interesting thing there is like you know they'll talk about well yeah we could we could 0.78

00:21:13.040 fight the u.s government they lost to the taliban and and they're just a you know a bunch of goaters

00:21:18.100 in in in afghanistan like uh we could win and it's like no you couldn't because you don't have

00:21:26.400 you would be alone you're not organized you're not like and and again we're not we're not trying

00:21:32.400 to foment you know violent revolution absolutely not we're against it completely yeah yeah totally

00:21:37.560 not i i uh reject all all violence um most violence most violence uh i reject i reject

00:21:47.260 that idea right of a violent you reject the being the initiator yeah yeah don't i'm not

00:21:52.320 comes to me yeah yeah i will then we will i'll protect my family yeah exactly um but um right

00:21:59.740 they say this kind of stuff and they do these kind of like verbal fed posts all the time and

00:22:03.540 it's like no you you don't get it you don't have um you don't have a community you don't have people

00:22:08.080 you don't like if if the the governor of your state just unilaterally banned guns and was going

00:22:14.100 to come confiscate them and you said i'm not taking this i'm going to fight like you would

00:22:19.140 be alone a SWAT team would come and they would kill you yeah you're not going to call you know

00:22:23.220 50 friends and set up an ambush for the SWAT team they're not going to go die for you right um and

00:22:28.360 you don't have anybody you're going to go die for if the roles are reversed like that that world 0.72

00:22:32.980 does not exist but it did if they tried to do it in like 1945 uh with all the GIs that came back 0.87

00:22:39.000 from the war they would never have been able to do it because these guys actually would have done

00:22:43.000 that stuff and they had communities and families and you know extended networks in their in in

00:22:48.720 their localities where they would easily do that. And we have an example of it. There was,

00:22:53.060 um, I believe it was in Tennessee. I mentioned in the book, um, yeah, Athens, Tennessee,

00:22:57.540 where there was a, um, a most secure election of all time that happened in their, uh, in their

00:23:04.520 County where the corrupt government just like stole all the ballot boxes and started stuffing

00:23:09.180 them. And, and all of these GIs in like 1946 came back and they just grabbed their M ones 0.96

00:23:14.200 and they lead siege to the county courthouse and won and and nobody went to jail none of this they

00:23:21.080 got the sheriff kicked out and all this kind of stuff they they won it and it's like something

00:23:25.480 like that is totally inconceivable today right so when i hear the people talk well if it gets bad 0.95

00:23:30.080 enough we got all the guns like you don't have that world at all what the what the vietcong have

00:23:35.620 like the social capital that existed in in vietnam fighting the u.s military or uh the social capital

00:23:42.520 exists in afghanistan that does not exist anywhere maybe in some amish communities and that's about

00:23:48.940 it in the entire u.s that it does not exist anywhere else and that's that's by design it's 0.99

00:23:55.200 not by accident they want people to be isolated they want them to be spread out you know they

00:23:59.140 want kids to grow up and one kid lives in washington the other kid lives in florida the

00:24:03.380 other one lives in texas and they want they don't want family living near each other where it's like

00:24:07.960 yep there's my second cousin and there's my third cousin once removed and like you don't want to

00:24:12.820 live in a community where you're related to half the people um they don't they don't want you to

00:24:16.420 have that they don't want you to have men that are part of every civic organization in town

00:24:21.060 and have deep connections to people they want you to be alone they want you to just

00:24:24.880 pull into your cul-de-sac not know the first names of any of your immediate neighbors and

00:24:30.940 go in watch tv leave the cul-de-sac go to go to work and then come back and that's your life

00:24:35.960 that's what they want like that is by design and so how do you overcome that right how do you get

00:24:42.180 over that well one very first step is like knock on your neighbor's door and introduce yourself

00:24:47.560 right right one like get to know people in your neighborhood maybe maybe even have a block party

00:24:53.620 and and invite them into your house and and like actually build relationships with people

00:24:58.160 um and join different organizations in your your local community like join there's all sorts of

00:25:04.720 different clubs and things that you have interest in uh that you can be part of that always need

00:25:08.800 people to volunteer and help out um there are all the civic organizations that are graying and about

00:25:14.380 to to die uh you could you and like five buddies could take over your local lions club um or even 0.97

00:25:20.080 if you want to join the american legion right you could take that organization over in your local

00:25:24.240 town like think things like that like it's so it would be so easy if you just do it uh but it takes

00:25:29.720 work it takes time uh but you begin to have uh these this these deep roots in a place

00:25:36.900 and all of a sudden right now the social capital doesn't exist you're slowly rebuilding and it is

00:25:43.940 the thing like yeah the the cathedrals burned down it took centuries to build and it burns down in a

00:25:50.380 day well you're not going to build the same kind of social capital even in like one lifetime that

00:25:55.020 took your ancestors generations to build but you can at least begin to slowly stack that up and

00:26:02.400 then have your children add to it and so on and so forth and it has to start with someone

00:26:08.000 consciously doing the opposite of what the regime wants you to do and going well out of your way to

00:26:14.320 do that right and and the the men who do that will be king right yep covet was helpful in that regard

00:26:22.660 it was you know again it was a mercy from the lord um because it did allow at least temporarily

00:26:28.720 it allowed for people to become mobile um people who ordinarily you know they were stuck

00:26:34.140 they had to live where they lived because of their job and then all of a sudden they were able to work

00:26:39.140 remotely and a lot of businesses you know lots of them have gone back to you know people coming in

00:26:44.000 but a lot of a lot of economics have has forever changed since covid you know some of it's not

00:26:49.820 going back you know stuff has gone back but some things will never go back and a lot of the places

00:26:54.320 only went back because they're locked into a commercial right a real estate deal where they

00:26:58.460 have an office and it's just empty so like well you better come back so we can justify having it

00:27:03.000 right uh but most places places that didn't and to remain competitive in the labor market they

00:27:07.660 have to allow that right you know exactly that's been that's probably been like the biggest boost

00:27:11.460 for like you know this is not a this is not a communist dsa podcast but like the biggest boost

00:27:17.340 for like labor and workers is work from home right that's like the first gain we've made in

00:27:22.820 a century of like life getting better is that now you can work you don't have to commute it anymore

00:27:27.980 and you can live wherever you want like that's a huge deal and so with that with that grace from

00:27:32.840 the lord um now is it like i mean that's probably the most common email that i get is do you know

00:27:38.920 of a church in my area do you know of a church might like people are churchless yeah you know

00:27:43.700 because um what what we've seen you know when the veil was torn back in 2020 as it pertained to

00:27:49.900 evangelicalism was that uh a lot of our leaders were corrupt and a lot of them were you know

00:27:55.360 they kowtowed to you know everything that caesar said and quickly you know immediately gave it

00:28:01.020 immediately yeah and we're very hesitant uh to take a stand i mean they're very slow to you know

00:28:06.240 you know i mean there are certain churches that didn't gather for a year you know longer you know 0.96

00:28:11.260 yeah yeah so anyway so all that being said you've got a lot of uh de-churched uh christians right

00:28:17.020 now but you have a lot of de-churched christians right now who who are actually able to move

00:28:22.560 if they wanted to and i'm not saying it's easy right like i mean maybe that maybe they're locked 0.94

00:28:27.700 in with a really low interest rate if they moved and bought a house you know seven percent interest

00:28:32.420 rate or whatever but um but it's be more it'd be more doable a geographic move across the country

00:28:39.480 than than any time previously absolutely and that's i think when we talk about you know

00:28:45.220 friendship particularly male friendship um that's i think that's part of it is actually being

00:28:50.820 physically in the same location to where you can be building together um in a literal sense and

00:28:57.720 not just virtually yeah and it might mean like getting the guys in your group chat to like move

00:29:02.200 to where you are or vice versa you know like i mean if you really are on the same page with all

00:29:06.340 these guys like and these are your brothers that you love and care about like all right go to the

00:29:10.920 same place well could you imagine like and that's where i i feel like that's again where we that's

00:29:16.440 that's like the line we're like okay we're gonna be we're serious and we're gonna put dents in the

00:29:21.900 gates of hell to a point but we can't we can't be too successful i mean we wouldn't want to win

00:29:27.520 after all you know we lose down here that would produce cultural christianity so like we find

00:29:31.240 each other you know through youtube and twitter and this that and the other and then we start our

00:29:35.400 our chat and you got 30 guys who like who really agree on like 99.9 percent of things and and guys

00:29:42.780 with spine and with courage and all this kind of yeah um but then but then they you don't go the

00:29:50.080 extra step you don't go the extra step and say like like what if we teamed up and and part of

00:29:55.720 it's because guys have responsibility these are men they have wives they have children they have

00:29:59.980 schools you know i'm not talking about public schools but you know but christian schools and

00:30:04.520 they have churches and they have uh they have aging fathers and mothers so that's i think that's

00:30:10.040 part of it oh yeah um but but if it's at all possible i think the way that god has designed

00:30:16.120 a man it's just duty after duty after duty right authority flows to those who take responsibility

00:30:21.000 yeah and and you just the responsibilities keep coming and and i don't i'm not saying that as a

00:30:25.800 bad thing like no it's a good thing it's it's it's a it's an honor it's an honor a glory for a man

00:30:31.440 and so he just weight gets stacked and he can carry that weight and some more weight and

00:30:36.340 progressively throughout your life and by the end you look back and you're like you're carrying a

00:30:40.160 mountain by the grace of god strengthening you but the point is that um guys have so much

00:30:45.460 responsibility and duty that's that's progressively you know gradually hoisted upon them i think that's

00:30:50.880 what that's what roots them there um and and so i guess i'm not saying it's impossible once you're

00:30:56.780 a little bit older in your 30s and 40s but if anybody's listening to this who's younger

00:31:00.700 like one of the biggest things that i would like grab a guy in his 20s by the caller and say is

00:31:06.440 like okay so you don't have seven kids yet you know what i mean and your and your parents aren't

00:31:12.700 aren't 70 you know or whatever and aging and you and you haven't bought a house yet you know and

00:31:19.720 i feel for you because it's going to be really hard if if even possible to do that when it comes

00:31:23.520 But my point is right now, like, this is it.

00:31:28.340 This is the moment.

00:31:29.580 Find those 15 based dudes that you're talking to and like, you know, and move right there and set up shop, you know, because later on, it becomes increasingly hard.

00:31:42.520 The danger of centralized power is often represented by the word king.

00:31:47.500 As Americans, we hate the word king.

00:31:49.520 civilian ownership of body armor is about helping people to have increased power to resist tyrants

00:31:57.340 and criminals and so armored republic is about helping you to preserve your god-given rights

00:32:04.120 to the honor of the lord jesus christ because he is the king of kings and he governs kings and he

00:32:09.580 will judge them this is armored republic and in a republic there is no king but christ

00:32:16.800 We are free craftsmen, and we are honored to be your armor spread choice.

00:32:36.440 But you've got to have friendships in person.

00:32:38.100 It can't just be online.

00:32:39.540 That's my point.

00:32:40.100 It's got to be flesh and blood in person.

00:32:42.300 And it's not to say like, I mean, there are friendships that I have online that with guys that I've known for years and I talk to every day that I've never met in person, you know, and it's, it's, I mean, it's a different world than, than, than ever before.

00:32:58.440 But you can have these deep, intimate connections with guys and not have ever encountered them in flesh and blood.

00:33:06.280 And it's, it's even weirder now with AI because maybe they're fake.

00:33:09.080 I don't really know.

00:33:10.000 um well if you met him 10 years ago you're probably yeah probably okay yeah exactly um

00:33:14.920 some of these guys break the mold though i know who you're talking about i don't think they make

00:33:18.200 ai like that no not yet not yet when they do then we're in trouble uh but yeah so it's like

00:33:26.240 these are real friendships and i would love it if we could be in the same place together that

00:33:30.660 would be awesome and and the older you get the harder it is to ever bring anything like that

00:33:35.000 about um but especially when you're younger you should be you know in your in your 20s you should

00:33:41.200 be thinking okay what are my duties and responsibilities and where can i go to build

00:33:45.120 with other other men that want to build as well and and that should be the priority in your mind

00:33:51.180 is thinking okay what's going to occur what's my general idea of the direction and trajectory of

00:33:57.560 everything over the next 40 or 50 years and where should i be to accomplish the things that i think

00:34:04.620 god can you know use me to do um that that's how you need to be thinking right now yeah yeah and

00:34:11.560 and this is going to look different in like you guys have some insane different situations call

00:34:16.020 for different things i mean you might you might live in a town where you know your family's well

00:34:20.620 established and um you know you you know everybody you're related to half the people um and and you

00:34:27.560 you may want to go out as an outpost and meet up with some you know 15 other base guys and your

00:34:32.960 town's gonna be just fine or you could be in a town where you know things are precarious like

00:34:37.140 you're saying you have an older relative and things like that and you just it wouldn't make

00:34:40.840 sense to move actually would maybe be an abandonment of your duties if you moved yeah so it these are

00:34:45.300 these are things that like there's no band-aid answer for you know everybody is the same answer

00:34:49.820 yeah here's what you should do every single one of you right right but but but i think the point

00:34:54.900 of this is understanding the fact that we collectively have been atomized to the point

00:35:01.120 where they want us to be alone.

00:35:04.000 We are alone, many of us.

00:35:06.520 And so making decisions on where you live,

00:35:08.460 where you work, what you do,

00:35:10.260 knowing that that is the current situation

00:35:12.380 and we want to reverse that situation.

00:35:14.260 We want to end that.

00:35:15.080 We want to destroy that.

00:35:16.060 Yeah, yeah.

00:35:16.760 Yep.

00:35:17.640 Absolutely.

00:35:17.960 Yeah, I think, like I said earlier

00:35:20.780 in one of the previous episodes,

00:35:22.400 but church planting has followed this same mode

00:35:25.520 that people got spread out.

00:35:27.040 They got isolated.

00:35:29.260 We got spread too thin.

00:35:30.260 and i think the name of the game right now that's part of why you know i wrote the little fight by

00:35:34.920 flight but i think part of the and it's not you know to flee to avoid the battle but it's to you

00:35:40.080 know to run to you know the mountains run to you know the defensible ground turn around and start

00:35:44.760 fighting and then slowly progressively take back uh the land but all that being said i think um

00:35:51.160 one you know we spread our our troops too thin and the name of the game right now is like i know

00:35:56.040 it's you know not the best example but i you know i think of like the avengers it's like not just

00:36:01.060 you know not just i know here we go i'm not saying you know i know the movies are it's the epitome of 0.61

00:36:07.040 fake and gay but i'm just saying as a principle i can't believe we're going there as a principle

00:36:11.320 so i don't know whatever whatever kind of team but my point is like teams i think right now are 0.91

00:36:16.760 the name of the game like avengers assemble yeah yeah like instead of isolated you know isolated

00:36:22.740 uh little you know renegade you know all by yourself yeah but like no actually instead of

00:36:29.380 guerrilla warfare actually having organized platoons yeah that's a whole like that's a lot

00:36:35.960 the internet the internet is a is a double-edged sword you know you know it gives you these

00:36:40.500 relationships that have the facade of being real but they're really not real but then again you

00:36:45.880 can also use it as a tool to create these real real relationships that's what i was just talking

00:36:50.520 to uh to to uh our producer uh backstage about video games and we were talking about uh in the

00:36:56.340 old days when we used to play gold and i together right yeah in the living room we would all be in

00:37:00.320 the same living room and so and so we could actually play the game we're all together you

00:37:05.160 know and i you know punch my brother you know for doing something and stuff like that you know

00:37:09.160 things like that yeah for screen watching you knew i was there you know and that was a lot of fun you

00:37:13.260 know oh yeah and and and so video games now you know i don't play them anymore but when i did

00:37:18.000 uh they're all online and so i'm still playing with people um but it's just not the same it is

00:37:23.560 it does not create the bond that being said you know my biological brother you know we would use

00:37:29.100 we would play madden back when i was in college and it would just be like for us it'd be a phone

00:37:33.140 call basically right so that's how we talked on the phone we would play madden together talking

00:37:37.620 right and um that was you know it's a it was useful in that way but it really it does not

00:37:43.780 uh replace when we used to play together in the same room right you know what i mean absolutely

00:37:48.040 yeah i never got to the online uh the furthest i ever got was halo one land you know yeah land

00:37:54.580 parties yeah a bunch of nerds yeah that was my in in high school we would stay we would pull

00:37:59.060 oh yeah i did in high school yeah yeah and then i did it in college that was great and then i did

00:38:03.540 it after college this also i can't like like i think what halo are they on at this point six

00:38:12.200 six okay so i was playing halo one i think when like the fifth one came out and it's like and

00:38:17.200 everybody's like could we please play a different halo but they've got new weapons now man i was

00:38:22.720 like yeah like i never even got to dual wielding it was just halo one that's man this is this is

00:38:28.240 old school yeah so but but the point is the kids don't even watching in person flesh and blood

00:38:32.920 with your friends because because what would happen is like all right you finish that game

00:38:36.480 and now everybody's going to get up and you're all going to grab a drink together you know on

00:38:40.160 the back porch or whatever and then you're going to come back and you're going to play another game

00:38:42.700 let's order a pizza you know like and you're going to talk about how you sniped your buddy

00:38:46.460 across the screen and there's camaraderie and but like you actually can pat a guy on the back and

00:38:52.180 you know and you know where he lives in real life you know not you know like yeah this is a real

00:38:56.620 person and so yeah you need that i think the name of the game is um it's it's funny but like i really

00:39:02.520 think the church planning thing did a number on evangelicalism i think we spread ourselves so

00:39:07.300 thin and now what you have is you've got a bunch of people who a bunch of people who are just

00:39:13.060 they're lonely and the bar just everything went down you know to the lowest common denominator

00:39:18.540 to where you've got all these guys who went through some church planting assessment and that

00:39:23.480 aren't really qualified um but could you imagine like i mean moscow is you know the quintessential

00:39:29.320 example but they're not the only ones who are doing it there are other people you know like

00:39:32.620 Like Apologia is doing a good job.

00:39:34.980 The Ogden guys with Brian and Eric and Dan, they're doing a good job.

00:39:39.540 And when you get, it doesn't take a million guys.

00:39:43.740 I think three is the magic number.

00:39:45.400 When you get three high-value, godly men, and they're in the same location, then it just snowballs.

00:39:54.540 People just come.

00:39:55.840 People keep coming.

00:39:56.860 They're attracted to that.

00:39:57.760 And then you can form a school with ease because you have resources and you start buying land as individuals, not as a church institute, but individuals that make up the church and starting businesses.

00:40:09.780 And then, you know, 40 years, it took Doug 40 years.

00:40:13.960 It doesn't have to take us 40 years.

00:40:15.720 Because he was the only one doing it.

00:40:17.000 It took him 40 years because, yeah, exactly.

00:40:19.320 That's not a slight.

00:40:20.320 They had to make all the mistakes and everything.

00:40:22.600 Exactly.

00:40:22.980 And they're inventing the wheel.

00:40:24.700 Well, the wheel's been invented.

00:40:25.780 We should be able to take that.

00:40:26.520 Exactly.

00:40:26.700 So yeah, it took Doug 40 years, not because he's a dope, but because he's the only one

00:40:31.620 who was willing to do it.

00:40:32.480 He's a champion.

00:40:33.460 Yeah, absolutely.

00:40:34.140 But the guys, our generation looking to that champion, it doesn't have to take us 40 years

00:40:40.300 because of his hard work.

00:40:41.580 We can stand on his shoulders.

00:40:43.040 And I think if guys right now would say, hey, you know what?

00:40:45.580 Instead of all three of us getting to be a church planter, why don't we be willing to

00:40:50.140 be bivocational, at least for the foreseeable future?

00:40:53.340 and and we'll take you know maybe we take a housing allowance and we plant a church together

00:40:57.740 three high value you know caliber guys you do that it starts attracting people then you have

00:41:02.860 those resources and it's like you got to skip the first 10 years of the moscow project you know and

00:41:08.440 now you're into like 10 you know year 11 and 12 even though you're technically only on year three

00:41:13.380 or four and it just it builds and it builds and it builds and i think that's that's what we need

00:41:17.480 right now and yeah and the cool thing about that is not just that those guys you know the leaders

00:41:22.940 that they can have that camaraderie and that male friendship together,

00:41:26.200 building and fighting together, but it attracts a certain type of person,

00:41:30.660 and then all those people, they find each other too.

00:41:32.880 Yeah, everybody in the church has the same kind of bond.

00:41:34.740 Exactly.

00:41:35.680 And the feeling that you get when you go to Fight, Laugh, Feast or something,

00:41:38.820 the feeling you get for a week at a conference becomes just life.

00:41:42.660 Your whole life is like, yeah, our kids all go to this school together.

00:41:47.020 The feeling of Fight, Laugh, Feast for a week for most people

00:41:50.600 is a feeling of Christchurch people.

00:41:53.520 Normal life there.

00:41:54.500 Normal life.

00:41:54.840 Yeah, yeah.

00:41:55.460 And it could be normal life for a lot more people.

00:41:57.660 Yeah, I remember that.

00:41:58.660 I mean, we lived there for three years

00:41:59.800 and that's what it was like.

00:42:00.640 It was just people everywhere.

00:42:01.820 There's always things to go to and do

00:42:03.660 and be involved in.

00:42:05.280 And you go to Psalm Sings

00:42:06.860 and it's all different people that you know from church

00:42:09.500 and you're out there.

00:42:10.800 And then like, yeah, when I see the video

00:42:12.660 of like Gabe getting arrested,

00:42:13.880 you know, it's like, I'm looking at the crowd.

00:42:15.400 I'm like, I know like 80% of those people

00:42:18.220 that are there with him.

00:42:20.200 And it's like, and they're all there. And I can just imagine like the thrill of that happening. Right. And you're confronting something that's totally wrong, you know, to not allow you to sing and worship. And you're fighting together and you're, you know, it's like, oh, and it doesn't just have to be there. It can be in all sorts of different places, you know, and you can build that.

00:42:46.260 And that's what we need.

00:42:48.080 It's not that, you know, it's no one is ragging on Moscow at all, at least not here in this room.

00:42:55.500 Well, plenty of people are, but not us.

00:42:58.740 And the question is not, you know, well, can we make, you know, is Moscow good?

00:43:04.000 It's like, well, yeah, it is.

00:43:05.240 But there should be a thousand places like Moscow in America.

00:43:08.020 Is all the world to become Moscow?

00:43:10.600 And I would say, we can only hope and pray. 0.96

00:43:12.840 I hope so.

00:43:13.320 I hope so.

00:43:14.260 Sounds great.

00:43:14.980 Except for the U of I, get rid of that.

00:43:18.420 So, all right.

00:43:19.260 Well, I feel like that's a good episode,

00:43:20.960 but just friendship matters.

00:43:22.520 The virtual thing, finding people online,

00:43:24.180 that's a grace.

00:43:24.700 Social media is a grace.

00:43:25.760 Twitter, it's great.

00:43:27.340 The fact that we can find people

00:43:28.640 and there is a sense of warring

00:43:31.280 and fighting and building online.

00:43:34.360 So it's, you know, the whole, you know,

00:43:36.120 expression, Twitter's not real life is true,

00:43:38.840 but it's also not true.

00:43:40.260 It's real life, but you need to take

00:43:41.740 the not real life the the the virtual reality part of it into real life yeah exactly so so do

00:43:48.140 those things but then use that and say that's why we're all here in the same room by the way exactly

00:43:52.160 yeah exactly we found each other in in this thing that's not real life but it turns out it is it is

00:43:56.480 somewhat real life because we're all three real people and we're sitting in a real room you know

00:44:00.640 and so yeah it is not uh an ai construct that's right he's a real human right here so so do that

00:44:06.400 you know partner with those guys and especially if you know if you're young and you haven't really

00:44:10.400 rooted yet the cement hasn't dried find find some people flesh and blood and then two if you're

00:44:17.200 older but you're in that transition period where it's like maybe you're like super discouraged and

00:44:22.460 you just lost a job take that as like god's providence to say okay maybe um let's let's this

00:44:29.840 time let's uh we have a moment right now maybe we move to ogden maybe we move to moscow maybe we

00:44:35.980 moved to georgetown you know and um because i think god's doing that and i don't think 2020

00:44:40.520 was the only time to rearrange you know the the chairs yeah um it's like musical chairs in 2020

00:44:46.840 i don't think that's the only moment it's not going to stop there yeah it's not going to stop

00:44:50.800 there so all right did you like the episode great you want to watch the next one wait a whole week

00:44:55.980 or go to patreon.com write response ministries again patreon.com write response ministries

00:45:04.820 Binge the whole season right now.

00:45:06.880 What are you waiting for?

The NXR Podcast - January 26, 2024

THE FRIDAY SPECIAL - Why Christian Men Don’t Have Friends

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