00:07:52.940I want to help families, I want to help marriages, I want to help men, I want to help pastors too.
00:07:59.120But it's kind of funny, I find that I more appeal to the kind of the blue-collar,
00:08:06.320ordinary Christian guy in the church than to the pastor and the guy that's in positions of authority.
00:08:13.440Even though I've been a pastor for 33 years, the average guy in the church says, wow, finally somebody that's on our side. And I go, why wouldn't people be on the side of truth? It's, you know, it's a mystery to me.
00:08:28.200but when i when i wrote this new book i wrote it exactly like you said i had learned so much
00:08:37.560over the years and honestly even since i wrote this book i'm still learning more because i've
00:08:44.080i've actually counseled over 500 of these situations so it's not just a you know a handful
00:08:50.320of people and at the same time that that grieves me that there's so many that are going through this
00:08:56.460But also, it excites me because people are getting a biblical response to this growing problem in society, and specifically in the church.
00:09:07.900My book basically addresses the problem that is in conservative Christian churches.
00:09:15.120Not just one denomination, not just one theological outlook.
00:09:19.620It goes across denominations from the most strongly Reformed to the most Arminian churches that you can imagine.
00:09:48.700it's also strange to me yeah so okay so let me ask this what is a reviling wife okay and that's
00:09:59.340that's the question that's kind of interesting that term has almost become a technical term
00:10:03.320over the years now that people go oh reviling wife i know what that i know what that is you
00:10:08.140see it all the time on x now but a reviling wife see just to back up a little bit i called the
00:10:14.860first book, The Abusive Wife, because the word reviling, everybody's like, I don't know what
00:10:19.940that means, you know, but I want to communicate to people. So I use the word abusive in the title.
00:10:25.400And then in the first few chapters of the book, I explained abusive is not the best word because
00:10:31.800that's a very vague and ambiguous word. The biblical word is reviling. So when you revile
00:10:38.560someone, you're using words as a non-contact weapon. You're trying to destroy that person.
00:10:43.980You're trying to ruin that person. You're trying to undermine them. You're trying to, you know, just be cruel with what you say to them. You're harsh. You're demeaning. You're arrogant. You're prideful. You're always quarreling about something. You're nasty. And you don't back up. You don't back off on it. There's an absence of humility. It's a lot of arrogance, a lot of pride. And this just tears people down.
00:11:10.800you know we always use that saying that well sticks and stones can break my bones but
00:11:16.340names can never hurt me words can never hurt me and it's like it's not really true is it
00:11:20.580the men that i counsel they go through this they say i wish i'd get hit with a bat
00:11:25.040instead of all these words that my wife uses every day and uh and then sadly as an aside
00:11:31.460some of the wives do hit their husbands with a bat and they do physically assault their husbands
00:11:36.880so but it's just a tearing down of another individual with with the words and it's harsh
00:11:43.460you know it's it's what the it's in john chapter 9 where the pharisees were doing that to the man
00:11:48.480that was born blind and they reviled him oh you're following jesus you know you you say you know what
00:11:55.720moses taught and you know that the word is in there they're reviling him they're um they're
00:12:01.120just trying to destroy him and dehumanize him. Right. And we have seen men that have done this
00:12:11.240over the years. I mean, you and I know men that have been this way, and it's been a problem
00:12:17.220throughout history. It's not something new. But what is new, or at least what we think is new,
00:12:23.620is women doing this to men, specifically women doing this to their husbands.
00:12:29.280And really, when I say it's new, it's not really new, because Solomon wrote about it.
00:12:53.420but what's happened is that we've ignored this problem it goes several layers we've ignored
00:13:01.460this problem and give give cover to the women that are doing this and we don't hold those women
00:13:07.840accountable and then we blame the man for the wife being a reviler and then we give the wife
00:13:15.680the freedom to end the marriage because she's claiming the man is a reviler or he's abusive
00:13:21.400and he's not. This is the other part that's so common with this, is that the men that I counsel,
00:13:27.500they're usually very good men. They're men that you go, man, he's kind, he's sweet, he's gentle,
00:13:33.440he's loving, he sacrifices, he's got a good job, he's caring for his family, he loves his kids,
00:13:39.060he would do anything for them. So these are not nasty, mean, arrogant, prideful, horrible men
00:13:47.700that we're talking about in this we're talking about good men almost without fail good men
00:13:54.720and the wife is this bitter unrepentant unsubmissive reviler and it is just tearing
00:14:04.240tearing families apart and the other part that i want to make sure everybody understands
00:14:10.140the reason the subtitle of my new book white knights and reviling wives how feminism destroys
00:14:15.440families and specifically one of the word families in that title because it doesn't stop there
00:14:22.420doesn't stop with the man getting destroyed the marriage getting ruined the children are affected
00:14:28.880by this and then the children are turned against the father by the reviling wife and the father
00:14:36.460loses his relationship with his own sons and daughters sometimes never talking again right
00:14:43.980because she poisons you know she'll win in the court system everything is um tilted against the
00:14:50.300man and uh toward the woman so uh judicially she'll win in the court um yes and so then she'll
00:14:56.800get uh primary custody so the man will get to see you know the children every other weekend and on
00:15:02.980thursdays and uh and split holidays but she's with the children 80 of the time and she will poison
00:15:09.600her own children against their father with little passive aggressive remarks here and there even
00:15:17.040when they're toddlers even with their their tiny so they literally grow up um believing lies yeah
00:15:23.360they grow up hating their father based off of uh in large part lies and this isn't every case but
00:15:28.640what what you're saying what we're saying is that this is far more common than many people would
00:15:34.360admit. I have a question for you in regards to a statement that has been made somewhat popular in
00:15:42.000Reformed church circles. And I understand you and I both agree 100% with the principle of male
00:15:48.240headship. And you correct me if I'm wrong, but I think from following you on X and things like that,
00:15:54.740that you would agree that that's not just a principle for the church and the home, but then
00:15:59.200even society at large. We would like to see men fill the roles of civil magistrates and leaders
00:16:04.440and things like that, even in the realm of the state and society at large. So we both agree
00:16:10.980with male headship, but I've heard it said in reform circles that, you know, the woman is
00:16:18.200capable of sin, but the man is always responsible. How do you feel about that statement? What do you
00:16:25.900think? You know, I think there's some truth on some level with that, but then there's a very
00:16:32.840deceptive lie attached to that too. I think a man is responsible for what happens in his home,
00:16:38.680and by responsible, that means he has to lead his home. Right. And he has to lead it well,
00:16:44.480of course. He is leading his home. Every man is leading his home, but some lead it very poorly.
00:16:49.040But is he responsible for her sin? I would go, no, he's not responsible for her sin in this sense, that if he's corrected her, if he's tried to help her and she's unrepentant and she does not want to change and she stays bitter and she stays angry, I don't see how you can put the guilt on the man for that.
00:17:15.900Now, some people are not saying guilt.
00:27:58.540I say, even though I've seen all these reviling wives, I still say, you know, man, if you're in sin, I'm going to call you out on it, too.
00:28:09.700So, but that's just another subtle way for the man to learn how to lead is to say, you know, honey, we need to go to this guy for counseling.
00:28:16.860I've checked. This is the direction we need to go.
00:28:19.600And if the man thinks that's the case, he should be standing and holding the line on that rather than just going to a feminist counselor, going to a woman counselor for the for the husband and wife, rather than going to a secular counselor or a psychological counselor.
00:28:35.200A lot of men, they try to appease their wives rather than lead their wives. And in the process, they get into more and more trouble. And I'll comment on the other side that you mentioned a few times, too.
00:28:48.200It really puzzles me about Reformed churches that get this wrong.
00:28:55.160Talking about Reformed Baptists, Reformed Presbyterians, doesn't matter.
00:29:00.360That, you know, we should be the ones that have the highest standard of the Word of God,
00:29:05.760in my opinion, that this is the way the Scripture should be understood.
00:29:10.240I have plenty of Armenian friends and brothers.
00:29:13.360but reform guys not getting this right and again not just not getting it right but turning against
00:29:21.960the guy and blaming the guy i go this is a real head scratcher for me i don't i don't get how that
00:29:28.200keeps happening over and over and over again it's almost like there's an elitist society among
00:29:33.780pastors that we are untouchable because we know everything and don't you dare question or challenge
00:29:39.860us. And so here comes, you know, Boomer Dave and saying, yeah, I'm going to challenge that because
00:29:46.380I've been around the block for a while. I've been a pastor for 33 years and I know what God's word
00:29:53.400says. And you have to hold the husband accountable and you have to hold the wife accountable. Why do
00:29:57.740we only hold the man accountable? Why do we, there's a number of churches that will preach
00:30:04.400these things. But then when you get into the counseling office, they back off on it. So in
00:30:11.260other words, they'll preach about male headship and women should submit. Some churches will do
00:30:16.320that. But then they get in the counseling office, and it's almost like a different guy. The guy from
00:30:21.760the pulpit to the guy in the counseling office is a different guy. And the men, the husbands come to
00:30:27.580me and they say, I don't get it. He's a good preacher. He's a good teacher. He understands
00:30:32.180God's word so clearly. He preaches it. He teaches it really well. But then he gets into the counseling
00:30:38.320office, and it's a different guy. Where happened? What happened to the bold preacher? Now he's
00:30:44.500cowering because he's face-to-face with a woman who might disagree with him. That's one of the
00:30:51.080differences between preaching and teaching, isn't it? Preaching, you can preach and say anything you
00:30:55.280want, and you're not going to get too much pushback. But you're face-to-face in an office
00:31:01.080with somebody, you're going to get immediate feedback from them, whether they like what
00:31:04.720you're saying or they hate what you're saying. So I think a lot of people go cowardly in the
00:31:10.820counseling office because they say, okay, I might get some pushback from a woman, so I have to
00:31:16.320protect her. So we didn't really define that, but that's what the white knight is, the term white
00:31:21.820knight. Some people are not familiar with that term. Most people that contact me, they know what
00:31:26.640That means the white knight is the man that rushes to the rescue of the wife who's clearly
00:31:33.860in sin, not suspected of sin, just clearly in sin, and he runs cover for her.
00:31:40.700He protects her, and he blames the husband.
00:31:44.440So one of the ways it works out, if the husband is angry about something, they confront the
00:31:50.560husband and say, what are you so angry about?
01:04:24.140Well, one of the false flags that is almost without fail
01:04:27.580is to say something like, my husband is dangerous, or I don't feel safe around him. And I always
01:04:34.040push back on that. I say, what do you mean? Is he brandishing weapons? Is he punching holes in
01:04:39.740walls? Is he beating you or the children? And it's all about emotion. It's all about feeling.
01:04:44.720It's not about anything objective or true. So we can't be blackmailed by that and say, you know,
01:04:51.020the wife says it's not safe, therefore it's not safe. It's like, no, if there's no legitimacy to
01:04:56.780that accusation, then we dismiss it and say, you know, it just sounds like you don't want to submit
01:05:02.580to what your husband is asking you to do. And it's usually over very simple, basic things,
01:05:09.220not even like a red dress kind of a thing, but just very basic, simple things. And so
01:05:15.720I hear that very often. My husband is dangerous. My husband is not safe. And I take it seriously.
01:05:23.560I asked them, okay, what do you mean? This is a pretty serious accusation you're making against
01:05:29.380your husband. Tell me what that means. Is he beating you? Is he doing this? And I go, no,
01:05:34.220he's not doing that. Well, what's he doing? Well, he's just asking me to do stuff I don't want to do.
01:05:38.820Well, is it something sinful or immoral? No, no, it's not that. Just don't agree with him. I go,
01:05:43.780well, you have to submit to that. That's what God's word says. We have to get back to the
01:05:49.940objective truth of god's word and say we have to follow the word of god that's that's where
01:05:55.960you're going to be safe you follow god's word you're you're in the safest place you could
01:06:00.000possibly be well said our good uh is this our last one now uh yes all right i think we're there
01:06:08.740uh this is from um dakota davis right dakota the man right here on stream okay uh and it'd be
01:06:19.920uh eight one six eight it's his it's his name but it's spelled backwards savod social security
01:06:26.300number akita something like that yeah okay uh anyways he gave us a five dollar super chat we
01:06:31.480appreciate that very kind he said how do i help my son steer clear of a rhino version of a submissive
01:06:39.100woman right so just a submissive woman in name only um there are witches hiding under head
01:06:47.420coverings even these days um how do i how do i help my son uh not fall for that yeah yeah that's
01:06:55.060a great question i explore that in a lot of depth in my my new book white knights and reviling wives
01:07:00.740because i want to help young men too that are not married to avoid the trap of falling into
01:07:07.320a marriage that is doomed with a reviling wife so um the most basic the most basic thing i can say
01:07:17.400is that you have to test this out. The young man has to test out this woman as they're getting to
01:07:24.940know each other, as they're dating, as they're going out together. Don't fall for the fact that
01:07:29.840she says, oh, I want to homeschool my kids, or she wears long dresses, or she, you know,
01:07:37.960she has a head covering, or she did, you know, she wants to be a stay-at-home mom, etc., etc.
01:07:42.020Those are all outward external things. And they may mean something. They may mean nothing. They may mean, like you said, it's like, boy, there's devious people that are under the covering of conservatism. You have to test it out. How is she on a date? Is she submissive? Is she following you even on a date?
01:08:03.920Now, she's not your wife, but is she compliant? Is she argumentative? Is she always having to have her way? Is she contentious even in the dating relationship? Is she fighting over little piddly things that don't really matter at the end of the day?
01:08:20.880those are the kinds of things that a young man has to understand and he has to understand he has
01:08:27.560to look for that quickly because if he gets bitten by a pretty face or pretty figure or even god
01:08:35.860forbid he sleeps with her it's all over and he's going to fall for her and just be overwhelmed by
01:08:42.000everything about her and and he'll ignore all the warning signs that were there and he just didn't
01:08:49.140want to see them every man that I've counseled that has a reviling wife I always press them and
01:08:57.480say what were the warning signs when you were dating that you missed and a lot of times at
01:09:02.760first they can't see it but as we talk they go oh yeah this happened that happened she was
01:09:08.440she was really nasty with me and I just kind of overlooked it oh she's just having a bad day and
01:09:13.540you know and I'm not saying you just dismiss somebody because they're angry one day but you
01:09:18.320got to keep testing out to make sure that this is not a character trait this is not an ingrained
01:09:24.520habitual part of her life so what's the pattern yeah you know you know what's what is she like
01:09:32.360and what are her parents like too what's her mother like yeah what's her what's her relationship
01:09:38.160like with her father what's her relationship like with her mother those can tell you a lot again
01:09:44.200she may have a bad father and a bad mother and she might have turned out really good
01:09:48.540that's possible but if she's got a a good father and mother and she's nasty towards them we're
01:09:55.260disrespectful you know respect is a big thing um that's a that's a bad sign so you want to look
01:10:02.240for that you want to say okay and the other thing too if you're a boomer like me don't look back to
01:10:07.840well when i dated it was always easy we just picked we just picked this girl and you know
01:10:12.220just get married quick and have a bunch of kids. Terrible advice. Do not give that advice. Please
01:10:17.760do not. I'm not saying to get blackpilled. I'm very happily married, but don't go blackpilled
01:10:23.500on this and say, oh, we can't ever get married because there's all these dangerous women out
01:10:27.460there. But you've got to slow the process down and really understand what time it is and what's
01:10:32.500going on. So I commend you for asking that question. How do I help my son? How do I help
01:10:38.280my daughter that's good yep okay this is cameron stevenson right we haven't done that okay this is
01:10:44.380uh ten dollar super chat we appreciate that cameron thank you he said dr edgington uh could
01:10:49.060you speak to the irony of the woman who is so willing to submit to the man i.e her corporate
01:10:55.820boss but refuses to submit to her own man namely her husband's leadership that's that is an
01:11:05.040incredible irony isn't it that she will submit and do anything that this man tells her to do
01:11:10.280that's her boss that's in charge whether it's a a government official or just a you know a
01:11:16.060supervisor at a job but she won't submit to her husband in her home that that is a a great
01:11:21.440hypocrisy there that's that's obviously screaming that this problem is there that she'll argue and
01:11:29.200fight with her husband about minutiae, but she'll just go along with her boss because if she doesn't,
01:11:35.460she's going to get fired. But this is the problem, isn't it? She looks at, I can get away with this
01:11:40.820in my home because he's not going to fire me. He's not going to divorce me. So I can, I can fight
01:11:45.500with him and he just has to put up with it. She's showing her true colors when, when that's the case
01:11:51.620that, um, she thinks she can mistreat her own husband and she does not, would not dare mistreating
01:11:59.180her employer right okay this is our very very last one so this is from uh j becks uh beckworth
01:12:07.580he gave us a five dollar super chat we appreciate that he said what are the qualities that a man
01:12:13.400should be looking for uh in dating in um our unserious and joking uh culture it's hard to
01:12:22.340know what women truly believe so similar to one of the questions that we received a moment ago but
01:12:27.800are there any characteristics, any telltale signs that a man who's looking to be married
01:12:33.480could identify in a woman to try to cut to the heart and find out what she really believes,
01:12:43.860what her true convictions are? Right. I think that one place to start is Galatians 5. Do you
01:12:50.980see the fruit of the Spirit in her life? And of course, you want to see these things in your own
01:12:56.280life. You don't want to be, you know, a man that's pursuing the right kind of woman, and you're the
01:13:00.980wrong kind of guy. You know, remember that if you're a godly man, you should be pursuing a godly
01:13:06.880woman. If you're an ungodly guy, or kind of not a real serious guy, you're not going to find a
01:13:13.000godly wife. So, you know, you want to look for those godly traits, those godly characteristics,
01:13:19.180like Galatians 5, the fruit of the spirits, that you see that she's, you know, the other things
01:13:24.540would be, is she pure? Is she respectful? Is she career minded? Or is she saying, you know,
01:13:30.940I don't want a career. I never wanted a career. And again, that's an external. So that's not the
01:13:36.460whole story, but it's at least part of the story that if she's, you know, if she's going into
01:13:42.140higher education and she's getting all kinds of degrees and then you want to marry her and expect
01:13:47.520her to be a stay at home mom and raise your kids, that's really not fair to her, is it?
01:13:52.660If she's invested all that time and energy and money into a higher education, and then you want her to just change that just because she's going to marry you, that's probably not going to work out too well.
01:14:06.800So there's a lot of issues to talk about in this.