The Podcast of the Lotus Eaters - Interview with Miles Routledge and Adrian Wojcik

00:00:00.000 Hello and welcome to this interview where we should be talking about some extraordinary places and events.

00:00:04.160 I'm joined by Myles and Adrian. How are you guys?

00:00:06.540 Not good. I'm in the UK right now. I'm very, very dangerous.

00:00:09.420 And it is rainy and overcast and cold.

00:00:11.840 Yes, very much so.

00:00:12.880 It actually is.

00:00:14.420 On the contrary, I'm happy to be here.

00:00:16.180 Oh, good. Good. I like the energy. Cool.

00:00:19.540 Well, most people, certainly in our audience, will be at least vaguely aware with you and your stories and some of the stories anyway.

00:00:27.440 Oh, yes.

00:00:27.800 So I wanted to sort of go over that because there's all sorts of questions I've got, all sorts of fascinating things.

00:00:32.780 But before we go into sort of the Afghan stuff, which I suppose would probably be the highlights,

00:00:39.060 what have you been doing recently? Because you do still travel all over the world all the time, right?

00:00:42.860 Unfortunately, yes. No, it's rather nice, but I do travel a lot.

00:00:46.060 That's my entire job at this point, and I never really stand still.

00:00:50.000 But recently, God, what have I been doing?

00:00:53.040 I saw you firing an AK somewhere.

00:00:55.140 Yes, yes, in Afghanistan.

00:00:56.300 Oh, that was in Afghanistan?

00:00:58.000 Yes, and a few other places too, in Ukraine, in South Africa too, in Johannesburg.

00:01:04.140 You can just do this stuff. No one really cares.

00:01:06.640 I do not like the UK gun rights. There's not enough.

00:01:10.660 Yeah, I've just been goofing off a little bit.

00:01:11.940 I've been doing some business in Afghanistan back and forth, and I'm expanding out a little bit.

00:01:16.160 How many times have you been there then, would you say?

00:01:18.800 I lost count after ten or nine, yes.

00:01:21.920 Yeah, quite a lot.

00:01:22.860 How many times have you been there, Adrian?

00:01:24.200 Only once.

00:01:24.820 It was only the once?

00:01:25.800 Only the once, yeah.

00:01:26.380 Is that enough for you?

00:01:27.760 I hope to return soon.

00:01:29.260 You do hope to return soon?

00:01:30.220 Yes, I hope to return.

00:01:31.620 Right.

00:01:31.920 It was a very interesting time. It was a very pretty place, to be fair.

00:01:36.800 The one thing they don't have going for them is air quality, but the sights are there to see.

00:01:46.160 Yeah, it's a great tourist location.

00:01:48.540 Yeah, yeah, yeah. There are some natural wonders there, for sure.

00:01:53.220 So, I suppose the first question is, was the first time you went there, the first time you went somewhere extremely dangerous?

00:02:01.560 The first time I went somewhere extremely dangerous was my, actually just entering, exiting my house in Birmingham.

00:02:07.720 But, I would say abroad was, I went to Chernobyl, that was my first time abroad.

00:02:11.720 Oh, really?

00:02:12.140 In Ukraine, yes, because it was rather cheap. I was studying physics at the time, wanting to study nuclear physics.

00:02:17.580 And, you know, I just thought, yeah, I'll go to Chernobyl.

00:02:19.800 And it was £200 for the entire trip. Did a tour in 2018. Lovely stuff.

00:02:23.920 And, when I was in one of the houses in Chernobyl, I actually stepped on one of these floorboards, it gave away, and I fell down.

00:02:32.120 You know, caught myself at the waist as I was falling through the floor.

00:02:34.920 And there were several pieces of rebar, metal rebar, poking up off the ground.

00:02:38.540 So, I managed to catch myself, and it was kind of fun.

00:02:41.320 It could have been very, very nasty.

00:02:43.220 Yes, it would have hurt in the...

00:02:45.340 I was fascinated by the Chernobyl story.

00:02:48.140 There's that HBO series that came out a few years ago, which was the cherry on the cake for me.

00:02:52.600 I've watched nearly every documentary I could ever get my hands on, and that one was more of a dramatisation than a documentary.

00:02:58.540 But, absolutely fascinating. I'd love to go myself.

00:03:00.480 Honestly, do.

00:03:00.780 When you went then, in 2018, have they already built the...

00:03:04.300 Because there's a new sarcophagus.

00:03:05.600 Sarcophagus, yes.

00:03:06.220 Was that already there?

00:03:07.380 I believe so, yes.

00:03:08.240 There was...

00:03:08.880 Yes, there was a new one there.

00:03:10.620 A big white dome, isn't it?

00:03:12.740 It was there, but I think they're reinforcing or adding to it, because there's always a leak here and there.

00:03:17.020 Okay.

00:03:18.180 Okay, well, fascinating stuff.

00:03:19.400 What was it that, you know, I suppose most people, the first question is, what is it in your mind that draws you to going to Chernobyl or going to Afghanistan or anywhere like that?

00:03:31.560 Because most people are just like, well, it's unnecessary risk.

00:03:36.480 That's true.

00:03:36.940 But then again, most people, you know, everyone says, I'm going to die if I go to one of these places.

00:03:41.400 But I believe they've never actually lived to themselves.

00:03:44.220 These people, you know, they have boring, menial lives.

00:03:47.300 And if they enjoy it, it's all power to them.

00:03:49.180 But for myself, I get rewarded for doing this stuff.

00:03:52.100 I make way more than the average.

00:03:53.900 I really enjoy it.

00:03:55.460 I'm aiming to go down in history, and I'm on that path at the moment.

00:03:59.580 And truthfully, it's just really, really fun.

00:04:02.400 I mean, I've read so many documentations of soldiers who have been in wars, and they say, oh, I would go back.

00:04:09.640 I loved it.

00:04:10.600 Again, some people have some very bad experiences, but a good chunk of men enjoy this adventure, this chaos of the world.

00:04:19.200 And, you know, I found that as well.

00:04:22.400 Yeah, it's interesting to say that.

00:04:23.400 There are loads of accounts from soldiers.

00:04:25.340 They say, no, it's the best part of my life.

00:04:27.200 Exactly, yes.

00:04:27.700 Loved it.

00:04:28.020 I believe, what was it, Winston Churchill said, oh, if we didn't nuke the Japs, we could have extended the war by a few more months or a few more years and enjoy it.

00:04:37.560 But, yeah, it's quite good.

00:04:38.700 When I was in the fall of Kabul, I met with the British SAS soldiers, former SAS soldiers, working as private military.

00:04:46.300 And they were having a great time.

00:04:47.440 We were taking shots and, you know, goofing off a little bit.

00:04:50.620 It was fun.

00:04:51.660 Yeah, cool.

00:04:52.440 What about you, Adrian?

00:04:53.100 What made you decide you would go to Afghanistan?

00:04:56.100 Well, I haven't traveled much in my life.

00:04:59.520 I've only ever really been home in Poland and here in England.

00:05:04.520 And Afghanistan was the first place that I really traveled to outside of Europe.

00:05:09.460 My motivation being I saw a gap in the market for Afghan rugs.

00:05:14.460 And I thought I would try and get my hands on the stuff in person.

00:05:18.640 And that's how, you know, I got invited by Miles to come along and see the country do, you know, do a bit of haggling, which I like to do.

00:05:31.580 Turned out the way that it did.

00:05:33.720 But that's why I went.

00:05:35.220 It was for rugs.

00:05:36.960 And that was much later than your first, the first time you went.

00:05:40.220 I believe that was our fifth, my fifth trip, your first, yes?

00:05:43.280 Yes, something like that.

00:05:43.960 Sounds about right.

00:05:44.580 So on your long internment, if anyone doesn't know.

00:05:47.860 Oh, it was an eight-month holiday in Taliban prison, yes.

00:05:50.680 Was that the first time you went there?

00:05:52.560 Fifth.

00:05:53.160 That was the fifth.

00:05:53.780 Right, okay.

00:05:54.880 So you'd been there.

00:05:55.840 They must have known who you were to some degree.

00:05:58.840 Yes.

00:05:59.340 That was very concern.

00:06:00.240 They thought I was something I was not.

00:06:01.840 Right.

00:06:03.100 Aspire?

00:06:03.700 Yes.

00:06:04.140 First time I went there, fall of Kabul by accident.

00:06:06.400 It happened around me.

00:06:07.660 Made me well known.

00:06:08.800 I said, okay, well, I've got a little bit of an audience.

00:06:10.440 I'm going to do this now instead of the job I wanted to do.

00:06:13.060 And then I went back a few times and said, you know, this is very fascinating.

00:06:17.320 I'm at the start of a brand new country, a brand new system.

00:06:21.960 I just want to check out the country.

00:06:23.900 There's so much stuff to see, but so little time.

00:06:26.740 And then I started doing some business fairs, selling flags, selling gems,

00:06:31.000 selling rugs, Taliban merch, of all things.

00:06:34.340 It actually sells really well.

00:06:35.980 Yes.

00:06:36.700 Still do that to this day.

00:06:37.800 You say the fall of Kabul.

00:06:38.820 You're not talking 2001.

00:06:40.300 No, no.

00:06:40.760 You're old enough for that, shall we?

00:06:41.860 No, no, no.

00:06:42.480 What do you mean when you say the fall of Kabul?

00:06:44.500 It was 2021.

00:06:45.780 I guess we can call it the rise of Kabul, then.

00:06:47.740 Right.

00:06:48.360 Oh, I see.

00:06:49.260 Oh, right.

00:06:49.620 When the Taliban came back, essentially.

00:06:52.540 Yes.

00:06:53.120 Right, right.

00:06:53.500 When the United States pulled out, yeah.

00:06:54.160 Okay.

00:06:55.080 I was going to say, you know, if you don't mind me, how old are you?

00:07:00.300 20, 25.

00:07:01.460 The hairline says 40.

00:07:02.880 But 2001, I would be, God, one years old.

00:07:05.120 One or maybe two.

00:07:06.320 Right.

00:07:06.600 Yeah, so a whole different, well, because I was, I'm so old.

00:07:11.960 I was like, I was already, I was like 19, I was like 19, 20 years old at that time.

00:07:17.900 So, like, sort of already at uni, undergrad.

00:07:19.820 So, fully in the light of my memory.

00:07:21.460 So, you're in your 40s now?

00:07:22.500 Yeah, early 40s.

00:07:23.200 Oh, you don't look it, do teach me the secrets.

00:07:24.520 Oh, thank you, that's very correct.

00:07:25.400 If you've got any cream you recommend, don't you like it?

00:07:29.600 No, so for, so from my memories, it's like the actual, actual war zone.

00:07:35.720 Yes.

00:07:35.900 Like full blown.

00:07:36.760 Oh, yes.

00:07:37.280 Like loads of sniper stuff going on.

00:07:42.200 Yes.

00:07:42.320 Loads and loads of big ordnance being used.

00:07:45.020 Bradleys, Abrahams, all sorts of stuff.

00:07:46.500 But by the time you're there in, like, the 2020s.

00:07:49.140 Yes.

00:07:49.420 Or the late 2010s, it will be a completely different beast by that point.

00:07:56.940 Yes.

00:07:57.540 Everything was boiling over, about to erupt.

00:08:00.540 Everyone believed at the time when I booked the trip, and actually a few days into my arrival,

00:08:05.620 they were like, no, Afghanistan is fine.

00:08:07.700 It's your first time you went.

00:08:08.780 Yes, everyone.

00:08:09.880 I booked it six months in advance, so I couldn't have known.

00:08:12.160 And every single analyst, every single journalist, government official was publicising,

00:08:16.660 Kabul's going to be fine, they're going to take back Afghanistan, the Afghan National

00:08:21.000 Army is, the Taliban aren't going to win.

00:08:23.140 Kabul's very safe.

00:08:24.560 It's even recommended for tourism in some articles, some YouTube videos.

00:08:29.020 And I thought, yeah, why not?

00:08:30.580 I might as well pop down.

00:08:31.820 And then two days in, Kabul's going to fall in 72 hours, we believe.

00:08:35.660 I'm like, oh, dear.

00:08:36.820 So it was the worst, or actually the best possible timing for me to go.

00:08:40.560 Completely random picked.

00:08:41.840 I remember seeing, because you're friends with Callum, and I remember, I wouldn't be aware

00:08:44.420 of you otherwise at that point.

00:08:45.640 He's a lovely friend.

00:08:46.260 And, yeah, of course, yeah.

00:08:47.780 And you just found yourself in the middle of it, really.

00:08:50.340 Yes.

00:08:50.560 Just right place, or as you say, wrong place, at the right time.

00:08:53.480 Exactly.

00:08:54.080 My RAF flight, my evacuation flight, actually took me to Swindon, which is how he managed

00:09:01.480 to come meet me.

00:09:02.580 I was in a quarantine hotel due to COVID, and so we just waved out the window at each other.

00:09:08.020 All right.

00:09:08.580 Yes.

00:09:09.320 Love a first sight, you know.

00:09:10.220 So you were there later, like a year or two later.

00:09:16.320 Yeah.

00:09:17.240 Yeah.

00:09:17.600 Well, it was last year that we flew out.

00:09:20.080 It was in February of last year that we went together.

00:09:24.120 We were friends beforehand as well.

00:09:25.360 Yeah, yeah.

00:09:25.980 We knew each other for, I don't know, almost a year, probably, at that point.

00:09:30.800 I think you moved him into, no, a year and a half, I think.

00:09:33.620 I don't know.

00:09:34.260 A while, basically.

00:09:35.200 We'll get into that.

00:09:35.840 So the first time you went then, it was just as, just before the Taliban were there

00:09:42.200 fully in their own government.

00:09:43.360 Yes.

00:09:43.800 And then whilst you're there, it flips.

00:09:46.280 Yeah.

00:09:46.580 We get the announcements, the Taliban are threatening to take Kabul.

00:09:50.300 I go to my driver, my tour guide at the time, hey, let's go to the airport real quick.

00:09:54.600 And we take this route that goes over this mountain and loops back around to avoid the

00:09:59.400 traffic.

00:09:59.940 That was congestion.

00:10:00.920 And as we're traveling over this mountain, we see several Taliban convoys coming up.

00:10:05.480 They're shooting at us, thinking we're maybe military or whatever.

00:10:09.420 I'm like, oh dear.

00:10:10.140 We start driving away very quickly.

00:10:12.280 People are abandoning cars.

00:10:13.760 People are shooting guns up in the air to try and get the right away with traffic.

00:10:17.580 I saw a few people get trampled.

00:10:20.080 And I'm having to run to the embassy, to the airport.

00:10:23.800 All flights get canceled.

00:10:25.280 I actually, I tried to book a flight on my phone and my car gets declined due to suspicious

00:10:30.200 activity, you know, booking a flight in Afghanistan.

00:10:33.700 So I have to call up my bank and say, hey, listen, the Taliban are coming.

00:10:38.220 Please put my payment through.

00:10:39.680 Thanks.

00:10:40.400 Hang up.

00:10:41.420 I'll get to the airport and everything's canceled.

00:10:43.580 Right.

00:10:44.240 Yes.

00:10:44.760 Like Kabul airport?

00:10:46.100 Yes, yes.

00:10:47.100 I don't know.

00:10:48.040 Back in the day.

00:10:48.960 It makes you a holy destination.

00:10:49.900 Even that, I remember back in 2002 or whatever, that's a battle scene.

00:10:55.040 It really was, yes.

00:10:56.420 So at that point, were you scared or is it still exciting or a bit of both?

00:11:02.080 No, no.

00:11:02.480 I have a very strong conviction in God.

00:11:04.580 I wasn't scared.

00:11:06.140 I was enjoying it, but I understood the seriousness of it.

00:11:08.860 I wasn't going, oh, you know, I'm going to run into the danger and take selfies.

00:11:11.920 I'm like, oh, I'm going to enjoy it for what it is, but I need to find somewhere safe

00:11:16.480 or get to a compound perhaps or whatever.

00:11:18.780 Right.

00:11:18.880 So I start wandering around Kabul.

00:11:20.980 At this point, it's abandoned.

00:11:22.380 It's desolate.

00:11:23.140 Everyone's closed up shop, you know.

00:11:25.040 But I see a big crowd of people around this compound near Baron Camp, this hotel area that's

00:11:32.200 been used as a makeshift compound.

00:11:34.440 And there's some Turkish security guards outside.

00:11:37.480 And they say, no, only Turkish people allowed in.

00:11:39.760 And I go to them and say, hey, listen, I'm not Greek.

00:11:41.360 Don't worry.

00:11:42.040 And they start laughing.

00:11:43.060 And they let me in from that only.

00:11:44.280 There was a huge crowd around us holding their passports up.

00:11:47.380 So I get in and they give me Wi-Fi, first thing they give me.

00:11:52.500 I go to my room.

00:11:53.240 I start live streaming the entire thing, not showing the outside, not causing any problems,

00:11:57.820 but I just tell everyone what's happening.

00:11:59.740 Gets a lot of immediate attention.

00:12:01.300 Knock on the door.

00:12:02.620 SAS commander is at the door.

00:12:04.480 And he's like, oh, hello, lad.

00:12:07.460 Don't film anything outside.

00:12:10.000 Just be careful.

00:12:12.560 Just be careful.

00:12:13.060 But enjoy your stay.

00:12:14.560 We're going to get everyone out.

00:12:15.540 Or just don't report the location or anything like that.

00:12:18.920 I'm like, OK, that's cool.

00:12:20.460 And then there's some other soldiers walking out, private military, ex-SAS as well.

00:12:23.800 And they go, you're that Lord Miles guy from that live stream.

00:12:26.160 We've all seen it.

00:12:28.280 Everyone's talking about it.

00:12:29.420 Come up and have a drink with us.

00:12:30.880 So then I started doing shots with the SAS.

00:12:32.820 They put me in level four plates, weapons and everything.

00:12:36.740 And we're just having a laugh.

00:12:39.000 I film it.

00:12:39.860 It's quite fun.

00:12:41.980 I lighten to the mood a little bit.

00:12:43.340 You know, I'm convinced at this point, they're going to kill us.

00:12:46.300 We have no idea about the Taliban's intentions.

00:12:49.160 At one point, too, the Taliban, they saw me wandering around outside and they cornered me.

00:12:54.580 This is before I got to the compound.

00:12:56.080 They cornered me and, you know, they go, where are you from?

00:12:59.340 Are you English?

00:13:00.020 They look very angry.

00:13:01.020 You can tell they're not fans of the English.

00:13:02.540 And I go, no, no, no.

00:13:04.060 Listen, I'm Welsh.

00:13:05.440 And they go, Welsh?

00:13:06.840 What's Wales?

00:13:07.540 I was like, small country, occupied by the English.

00:13:10.000 I'm not Welsh, by the way.

00:13:10.720 I'm not.

00:13:11.860 And I go, one struggle, brother.

00:13:13.440 Both occupied.

00:13:14.620 You know, on your side.

00:13:16.560 And they look at me like, hey, this guy's OK.

00:13:19.120 Pat on the back.

00:13:19.700 Enjoy the hard end.

00:13:20.500 Off you go.

00:13:21.200 The Welsh-Taliban connection.

00:13:22.920 One struggle, you know.

00:13:24.280 We both enjoy sheep at the end of the day.

00:13:27.280 There's that classic thing.

00:13:28.660 There was the, they made that film, The Last King of Scotland, about Idi Amin.

00:13:33.580 Yeah, someone like Idi Amin could relate with the Scotsman.

00:13:37.360 Yes.

00:13:38.040 Because they've both got beef with the Englishman.

00:13:41.060 So, yeah, you pulled the exact same trick.

00:13:43.000 You've got, I didn't know about that at the time.

00:13:45.460 But honestly, you just got to realise, hey, what are these people's motivations?

00:13:49.060 What are they like?

00:13:49.640 What are they disliked?

00:13:50.280 Same with football teams.

00:13:51.100 If you associate one side, you can get out of a bad situation.

00:13:54.760 You know, it's imperative not to lie to people.

00:13:56.680 It's easier to tell the truth.

00:13:58.000 But if you're in a dangerous, life-threatening situation and you think you can wheeze your way out of it, it's probably best.

00:14:04.500 Right, yeah, no, of course.

00:14:06.200 I mean, I suppose my worry, or most normal people's worry, would be that that sort of situation, they've cornered you.

00:14:13.440 They just simply bundle you in the back of their Toyota and you get beheaded.

00:14:17.660 Yeah, beheaded, got raped, tortured, even.

00:14:20.820 They could have done that stuff.

00:14:21.760 But thankfully, they had an idea from their, they call him the supreme leader, the head of the Taliban, that we're not going to harm any foreigners.

00:14:30.240 We actually want to build a country at this point.

00:14:33.000 We want to give up on jihad mostly, you know, or maybe play the long game, whichever their tactics are.

00:14:38.820 But foreigners won't be harmed.

00:14:40.480 But you guys can obviously do your due diligence on anyone walking around.

00:14:44.620 So.

00:14:46.720 Well, it's remarkable.

00:14:48.740 Yeah, at least it wasn't boring, to put it lightly.

00:14:51.220 Yeah.

00:14:51.960 Yeah.

00:14:52.300 Would you go to anywhere else?

00:14:54.460 I know you've been to loads of other places that are sort of quite dangerous.

00:14:57.600 But would you go to full-blown war zones?

00:15:00.320 I mean, for example, like southern Lebanon right now, or the Donbass region?

00:15:06.320 I've been to Donbass a few times.

00:15:07.800 I keep going to Ukraine every single Christmas, just to unwind a little bit.

00:15:12.440 I've been to the front lines of Ukraine.

00:15:14.560 You've been to front lines?

00:15:15.300 Yes, again, level three plates, M16.

00:15:17.180 I got embedded with some frontline soldiers.

00:15:21.240 I forged a press pass and made friends of them through there.

00:15:24.760 That's how I got through the checkpoints.

00:15:26.300 Right at the beginning of the war, like one day after it happened.

00:15:28.420 That's right.

00:15:28.720 Okay.

00:15:29.040 So a while ago now?

00:15:30.260 Yes.

00:15:30.840 A two and a half, four years ago, whatever.

00:15:32.600 God, yeah.

00:15:33.020 It doesn't feel like that, does it?

00:15:34.020 It feels so fresh in my mind.

00:15:35.900 But no, I've been to the front lines, done some filming there, just documented it all.

00:15:41.520 My third friend of I, who got us in trouble in Afghanistan, we bought a car with him and we drove from Poland and drove refugees in and out of Kharkiv and Donbass, in and out basically, and some supplies.

00:15:57.060 So we try and do some good work as we go.

00:15:59.320 You should mention at the beginning of the war, about a week before the war began, you flew in, expecting it to happen.

00:16:07.100 You were all ready to record and nothing was happening.

00:16:12.580 So Miles decided to fly back because, you know, the Russians like to do these exercises on the border.

00:16:18.020 And I think the day after you came back.

00:16:20.060 The day after I came back, I got a message from a random Israeli account who follows me, works in a think tank, and said, hey, Miles, the invasion's going to happen on this time, this date.

00:16:28.880 And they were exactly correct.

00:16:31.300 A few days in advance.

00:16:32.580 The day I got back, wake up at 6 a.m., whatever, 50 missed calls.

00:16:36.860 Oh, things have popped off.

00:16:38.280 I go, play how, okay, back I go.

00:16:41.020 You went back over?

00:16:41.900 Yeah, I went back over, yeah.

00:16:43.540 Perfect.

00:16:44.020 Yeah.

00:16:44.160 This next question, we can cut out in post if you don't want it, but how do you pay for all this?

00:16:53.160 Taliban merch sells very well.

00:16:55.480 But that's enough.

00:16:56.960 More money from your channel.

00:16:58.300 Well, channel, I've taken a hiatus off, but we're going to start reposting weekly uploads, higher quality, in the beginning of December.

00:17:07.280 So sponsorships for YouTube channels could be anywhere from 10k a month or more.

00:17:11.900 Taliban merch can make up to 20k a month.

00:17:15.160 What else?

00:17:16.060 Donations are...

00:17:17.340 Yes.

00:17:17.880 Donations, to be fair, it can go down as like 5 or 6k, depending on the videos and the advertisements.

00:17:23.360 Donations a month for one, one and a half grand.

00:17:26.640 British and then, what else?

00:17:28.340 Book sales, two.

00:17:30.580 X ad revenue.

00:17:32.440 Yeah, various...

00:17:33.240 It's like, I'm incentivized to do this, you know what I mean?

00:17:35.280 MI6.

00:17:35.700 MI6.

00:17:36.340 FBI.

00:17:37.040 MI6, FBI.

00:17:38.620 Mossad.

00:17:39.500 You call him Mossad Miles, you know.

00:17:41.360 What's the Pakistani one?

00:17:42.960 ISI.

00:17:43.440 I met ISI.

00:17:44.760 That's why you've been posting so much about India.

00:17:47.440 I definitely want to ask you about the intelligence services, but I suppose, let's go on to the,

00:17:52.800 or just before we go on to like the incarceration bit.

00:17:55.340 Yes.

00:17:55.640 So you've been to Afghanistan like four or five times before that.

00:17:58.440 Yes.

00:17:58.660 I guess, were you thinking now, I've got this, you know, I've done this a number of times,

00:18:02.780 I'm comfortable, I know what I'm doing, I'm not in any real danger, they must know who I am,

00:18:08.560 if they were going to do anything to me, like abduct me and behead me, they would have done it by now.

00:18:11.960 Yeah.

00:18:12.360 I mean, I know at this point, you know, they're not beheading tourists randomly, otherwise.

00:18:15.380 Right.

00:18:15.680 I would have better sense to go there, but I'm like, okay, well, you know, things aren't perfect,

00:18:20.100 you need some knowledge beforehand before going to certain regions, probably want a translator,

00:18:24.860 you need to get some permits.

00:18:26.060 You know, I've done that, I've done it a few times.

00:18:27.640 I feel like I'm more comfortable than I was going in at the beginning, which makes sense.

00:18:32.380 And at that point, I was like, you know, Afghanistan just fell.

00:18:35.140 It isn't totally sanctioned, it's like half, half sanctioned.

00:18:38.540 And so you can say we'll do some business there, and the US Geological Survey showed that

00:18:43.520 there's three trillion dollars worth, you know, minerals in Afghanistan, and they're not hard to reach,

00:18:48.120 you know, there's, for example, in Ghazni province, there's three hundred million dollars worth of gold there.

00:18:53.320 And you think, God, you know, three trillion just dotted around, no one's doing anything with it.

00:18:57.640 The Taliban are desperate for some business, and, you know, I know some investors, I used to work in this field.

00:19:04.140 Hmm, maybe I can do some research for this one area, take some photographs, take some samples,

00:19:08.800 go back to, you know, go back to England, and, you know, do some reports, and go fishing for an investor,

00:19:15.220 you know, walk around.

00:19:16.420 And I go there, and, you know, this is when you come, this is when you come.

00:19:19.660 Yeah, so my thinking was, you know, a lot of the, you know, I guess you could call it like the gig economy of Afghanistan

00:19:29.500 was making these commemorative carpets and selling, you know, gemstones and things like that

00:19:37.600 to American and native soldiers that were stationed there.

00:19:39.960 My thinking was that since those soldiers are now gone, and Afghanistan doesn't really have neighbors

00:19:46.460 that you can trade those things with, if I went there, I could snag some nice Afghan carpets

00:19:52.020 and sell them back home.

00:19:54.240 I noticed that still ongoing, there's kind of a, you know, Persian carpets and Indian carpets

00:20:01.100 are becoming very fashionable.

00:20:02.500 You can even find them in Ikea now, or at least, you know, a year ago, I remember seeing them in Ikea,

00:20:08.500 and I thought, you know, you could, you can make some money off of this.

00:20:12.600 So my idea was to fly over there, make some connections with rug wholesalers,

00:20:18.520 and then start shipping them to Europe.

00:20:22.740 Yeah, that's why I went there.

00:20:24.180 I went there for carpets.

00:20:26.800 I wasn't really thinking that big.

00:20:29.560 So what was different about this time then?

00:20:31.600 What do you know?

00:20:33.100 Well, we know exactly what happened.

00:20:37.180 It's a bit, honestly, it's a bit murky, exactly what it was, but...

00:20:41.220 It's a multitude of things.

00:20:43.160 So the Russians contacted the Taliban and said,

00:20:45.800 hey, this guy keeps going to the front lines of Ukraine,

00:20:47.900 and maybe he's trying to do something here.

00:20:50.940 Maybe he's trying to sell ex-military gear to Ukraine.

00:20:53.900 Maybe he's like some sort of weapons dealer.

00:20:55.720 So the Taliban go, okay, well, interesting, but we don't think so, but it's noteworthy.

00:21:00.020 The Taliban GDI is Taliban intelligence.

00:21:03.120 And then they see me in a hotel, and there's two other British men staying in that hotel,

00:21:07.920 both for former SAS, and they're working private security.

00:21:11.480 Earning 10, 20k a month just security for one random hotel doesn't really add up.

00:21:17.220 You know, it seems a bit, something else is going on there, to put it lightly.

00:21:20.300 And they raid this hotel, and they find weapons, and they find, like, a booklet full of, you know,

00:21:26.840 intelligence regarding ISK and all these other terrorist organizations in Afghanistan.

00:21:31.820 They go, well, you know, you don't have authorization to have this stuff.

00:21:35.520 Why are you here?

00:21:36.340 You're basically spies.

00:21:37.760 We're going to imprison you until we can do something.

00:21:40.000 So they imprison those two men.

00:21:41.680 Because I had stayed in the same hotel.

00:21:43.540 They go, oh, wow, Lord Miles, who's saying, you know, kind of semi-positive stuff about Afghanistan.

00:21:48.740 He must be connected.

00:21:49.780 It's a perfect cover.

00:21:50.800 Perfect reason to keep going back.

00:21:52.420 Jeez, he's not a businessman.

00:21:53.560 He's a Fed.

00:21:54.860 So, you know, we're going to arrest him.

00:21:56.560 A British Fed.

00:21:56.900 Yeah, he's MI6.

00:21:58.260 He's MI5.

00:21:59.140 He's Mossad.

00:21:59.620 I don't know.

00:22:00.220 He's something.

00:22:01.160 And plus, oh, well, we've seen he went to this province with all this gold and took some photos.

00:22:06.820 He doesn't have a permit for that.

00:22:08.000 And, of course, you need endless permits in Afghanistan.

00:22:10.840 You know how it is.

00:22:11.640 Bureaucracy from the Soviet days.

00:22:13.540 But, like, you know, it's enough reason to bring these people in.

00:22:16.140 So halfway through our trip, right, we're driving.

00:22:19.980 Well, this was toward the tail end of my trip.

00:22:22.180 I was supposed to go back home the day before that we got caught.

00:22:27.780 We decided, oh, you know, we'll stay in a hotel and I'll book a flight and I'll be out of there once we get back to Kabul.

00:22:33.400 And, yeah, so we were driving back and Miles decides that he's going to stay a bit longer than me and our friend.

00:22:46.180 So he withdraws some money from a Western Union.

00:22:50.840 And this, like, this is seen as suspicious.

00:22:56.980 So as we're pulling out and driving down the road, you know, with, like, tuk-tuks and stuff around us, all of a sudden a bicycle pulls out in front of us.

00:23:05.320 And there's two men on the bicycle, you know, the driver and a guy behind him who has an AK.

00:23:09.760 And he swirls around, points the AK at the car.

00:23:13.300 The driver hops off with the pistol.

00:23:16.400 And, you know, there's how many of us?

00:23:18.240 Six of us in this four-seater car, five-seater car.

00:23:21.660 Remember, he pulls out the...

00:23:22.660 Yeah, he has a pistol and he pushes in to sit with us in the back and he's pointing the pistol at us.

00:23:28.840 And he's telling the driver, you know, follow the bicycle.

00:23:31.120 So you were under surveillance.

00:23:32.360 They were watching you.

00:23:33.220 They didn't just...

00:23:33.680 Yeah, clearly.

00:23:34.260 Yeah, they were, like, you know, missing the time.

00:23:35.940 It seems like if they may be going back to Kabul, we don't want to lose them, you know.

00:23:39.420 Okay.

00:23:40.180 Okay.

00:23:40.760 Yeah, and from that, they...

00:23:42.400 We drive to this local compound where they tell us, you know, they check our documents.

00:23:48.080 They say, you know, everything's fine.

00:23:49.740 But there's a recurring theme.

00:23:52.400 They say, we're just going to have to wait for the boss to come and clear you because we don't have the, you know, the authority to clear you after we've apprehended you.

00:24:01.120 And so we say, okay, you know, this was in the morning, probably like 10 a.m. or something.

00:24:05.480 And we're being treated nicely.

00:24:07.580 So we figure the boss will be here any moment now to come and release us.

00:24:12.740 We have to wait for him quite a while, it turns out.

00:24:14.660 Yeah.

00:24:15.980 So we ended up sitting in this compound all day.

00:24:19.580 Ended up being, like, 10 or 11 p.m.

00:24:22.640 And they tell us, you know what, guys, the boss, he just can't make it here right now, but he's going to be in Kabul today.

00:24:30.580 So what we're going to do is we're going to take you guys from here.

00:24:33.080 We're going to drive you two hours to Kabul.

00:24:35.460 Now the boss is going to be waiting and he's going to be able to clear you and release you.

00:24:38.160 And I don't know if I should keep going.

00:24:40.820 Yeah, no, no.

00:24:41.460 Yeah.

00:24:42.100 And so what happened is, you know, by then we've made friends with the Taliban.

00:24:46.240 I think one photo that Miles has posted a couple of times of us standing in front of us.

00:24:50.560 We took some wonderful selfies.

00:24:52.200 They're, like, you know, they're giving us some food.

00:24:53.800 They're showing us memes on their phone.

00:24:55.320 It's lighthearted.

00:24:56.080 Yeah, there's a photo that Miles has taken of us in front of a Taliban flag that was taken then.

00:25:03.420 There's three of us, by the way.

00:25:04.440 Another guy was...

00:25:05.640 Yeah, they give me some perfume, things like that.

00:25:08.980 You know, they were treating us amazingly.

00:25:10.820 And now the boss comes in and he says, you know, we're going to have to take you to Kabul to clear you.

00:25:18.780 And so we're getting out.

00:25:22.360 Everyone, there's a big group of people around us now.

00:25:24.380 You know, we've made so many friends.

00:25:25.940 They show us their bicycles.

00:25:27.260 They do wheelies in front of us.

00:25:28.800 And they decide, okay, well, Miles, you're going to go in the cool Taliban Toyota pickup truck.

00:25:37.640 And you two, you're going to go in the small sedan.

00:25:41.060 You know, we're going to separate you in case one of you tries to run away.

00:25:43.800 Not enough room, basically.

00:25:44.860 Yeah, we'll be able...

00:25:46.140 I'm not going to say what they said, really.

00:25:48.160 Not enough room.

00:25:49.800 But, you know, it was strange because there was a lot of lightheartedness.

00:25:54.220 But at the same time, there seemed to be something else going on.

00:25:56.820 In hindsight, in the moment, it was just, you know...

00:25:59.040 I mean, we've been stopped at checkpoints for, like, hours at a time before because they just want to check everything.

00:26:03.540 Yeah, yeah.

00:26:03.840 They do in due diligence.

00:26:05.300 The process is very slow.

00:26:06.740 But this time, we're like, hmm, something...

00:26:08.220 So, yeah, so...

00:26:09.220 We're starting to think something's a myth.

00:26:10.800 Yeah, we think something's happening.

00:26:12.480 We're like, ah, we don't know.

00:26:13.440 But what can we do?

00:26:14.440 We have to run a bit.

00:26:15.500 We have to be on our best behavior, whatever.

00:26:16.980 And what ends up happening is, you know, we start driving to Kabul.

00:26:21.880 It's a very long drive.

00:26:22.820 It's nighttime.

00:26:24.240 The Taliban have a habit of using these powerful, like, lasers to show people that they're coming.

00:26:30.880 There's, like, green laser pointers.

00:26:33.520 And they would shine them in the eyes of the drivers, of oncoming drivers.

00:26:37.080 So, there's a Taliban coming through.

00:26:40.140 Anyway, you know, we're driving, we're driving, we're driving.

00:26:42.940 We end up stopping for some food.

00:26:44.920 Miles, out of the kindness of his heart, he pays for the food for all the Taliban.

00:26:48.540 Because we're thinking, oh, we're being released.

00:26:50.040 They were so kind to us.

00:26:51.340 And we got a free taxi.

00:26:52.400 So, he pays for everyone's food.

00:26:55.960 There was a funny incident where, you know, I'm sat across from some Taliban.

00:27:00.540 And they sit down across from me.

00:27:03.340 And they put their gun down.

00:27:04.980 They're Kalashnikov.

00:27:05.760 And the way they put it down is it's facing me.

00:27:08.540 Like, the barrel.

00:27:09.220 Yeah, no safety on me.

00:27:10.040 Now, these guys don't have safeties on me.

00:27:11.800 They have bullets in the chamber.

00:27:13.180 Because I don't care.

00:27:14.680 And, you know, the gun's pointed at me.

00:27:16.500 I don't know how well-maintained it is or anything.

00:27:18.520 So, I shove out the weight a little bit.

00:27:20.500 And the guy notices, notices his friend.

00:27:22.600 He moves the AK.

00:27:24.420 So, it's pointing at me again.

00:27:26.220 He's just like, oh.

00:27:27.060 Yeah, but, you know, then he moves it.

00:27:29.020 You know, we eat the food.

00:27:30.720 And, you know, we keep driving, we keep driving.

00:27:32.400 We're wearing Taliban shoes, remember?

00:27:34.020 Oh, yeah.

00:27:34.520 We're wearing the Taliban sneakers.

00:27:36.320 Yeah, they have their own brand of sneakers, yes.

00:27:38.880 That's one thing.

00:27:39.340 I was exporting Taliban sneakers.

00:27:40.700 So, I'm wearing it.

00:27:41.380 I'm like, Taliban.

00:27:42.640 Talib.

00:27:43.220 And they're like, oh.

00:27:45.120 That is one of the things that seems quite striking about it.

00:27:47.360 Is that they're not like these.

00:27:50.560 Super, duper serious.

00:27:51.040 They're not like something out of the 8th century.

00:27:53.300 And they're not like early.

00:27:54.520 They, well, well, wait.

00:27:56.000 I mean, they are in some ways, of course.

00:27:58.220 But what I mean is, they wear sneakers.

00:28:00.580 And they have phones.

00:28:01.620 And they want to pop wheelies on a bike.

00:28:04.140 And, right, they're not just.

00:28:06.860 Because sometimes I think some, I would, used to.

00:28:10.460 You think of like the most extreme sort of ISIS theocrats.

00:28:15.960 Yeah.

00:28:16.740 They're not necessarily that, right?

00:28:18.640 No, thank God.

00:28:19.740 They actually hate ISIS at this point.

00:28:21.720 So, they had a little war with ISIS.

00:28:23.020 Or just being extremely strict.

00:28:24.120 Where you can't laugh.

00:28:24.820 You can't dance.

00:28:25.600 Yeah.

00:28:25.840 You can't play sport.

00:28:26.700 You can't do.

00:28:27.280 They're not like that, right?

00:28:28.280 ISIS will kill you if you, God, use fireworks to celebrate the birth of a baby or something.

00:28:32.180 That's been known to happen.

00:28:33.580 These lads are just like showing us TikToks.

00:28:36.140 And then they're scrolling on TikTok.

00:28:37.360 You see them see a beautiful girl.

00:28:38.780 And they're like, oh.

00:28:39.640 And you're like, ah.

00:28:40.420 And they're like, ah.

00:28:41.340 They hide it.

00:28:42.220 Obviously, they're not like, you know, they're not our best friends.

00:28:44.700 Of course not.

00:28:45.120 But they're lads at the end of the day.

00:28:46.920 You can find that common ground.

00:28:48.240 You can bounce off them.

00:28:49.220 You can, you know, have a laugh sometimes.

00:28:50.800 Because sometimes when you think of, when I think of, say, sort of a hyper-strict ISIS

00:28:56.680 member or a 15th century Puritan or something, where everything is about prayer and everything

00:29:04.120 is about being as strict as possible, they're not, it's not that.

00:29:09.420 And I find that surprising because some people might think that's what it is.

00:29:12.640 No, they aren't those people from Birmingham.

00:29:14.180 God, no.

00:29:14.700 Right.

00:29:15.700 Right.

00:29:16.540 They're still trying to live their lives.

00:29:18.120 Yeah, exactly.

00:29:18.540 Again, you probably do get the ones who are just really extreme.

00:29:21.760 And you get the ones who are just very liberal of things.

00:29:24.080 It's a weird in-between.

00:29:26.780 Right.

00:29:27.880 But so, did you get to Kabul then?

00:29:29.720 Oh, so.

00:29:30.200 They took you to Kabul.

00:29:31.280 On the, you know, after we've eaten, we keep driving a little bit longer.

00:29:34.220 And we end up stopping again and say, oh, do you want to use the bathroom?

00:29:39.640 Do you want to pee?

00:29:40.560 And we're like, yeah, sure.

00:29:41.660 You know, we relieve ourselves.

00:29:45.440 And we come back and they say, the boss covers us and he says, there's just one thing I need

00:29:50.320 to tell you guys.

00:29:50.840 Because we have a policy.

00:29:53.600 Because we're taking you to one of the main compounds in Kabul.

00:29:57.220 Super duper secret.

00:29:57.920 We can't, you know, we can't have you seeing the inside of it, you know, the security and

00:30:02.100 how everything works.

00:30:03.380 So, we're going to, you know, while we're driving there, we're just going to have to

00:30:07.000 cover your eyes so that you can't see the inside of the compound.

00:30:10.520 Bags over your head.

00:30:11.660 And so, what they do is they put bags over our heads and they tie our arms.

00:30:16.380 And we're thinking, oh, man, we're about to get driven out to a desert and shot.

00:30:20.740 This is it.

00:30:21.780 We're just like, oh, no.

00:30:23.140 That's it.

00:30:24.120 I mean, you're laughing about it now, but should we really shook up at the time?

00:30:27.520 No, I was laughing at the time.

00:30:28.600 We were laughing.

00:30:28.920 We have a selfie of it.

00:30:30.120 We have a selfie.

00:30:31.060 Yeah.

00:30:31.980 Yeah.

00:30:32.460 We'll send it to you.

00:30:33.620 We'll send it to you.

00:30:34.640 The last photo that I took in Afghanistan was me with a bag over my head and my arms tied

00:30:42.580 together doing a thumbs up.

00:30:44.800 And at the same time, too, my bag is like light pink and I can see through it.

00:30:49.840 So, as we've been taken to the compound, I'm like, oh, Guzni Street.

00:30:53.440 I just saw the Russian embassy with clothes there.

00:30:55.640 And they're just looking at us like, guys.

00:30:57.520 I'm like, wow, this is ex-school.

00:31:00.020 Oh, I know exactly where we are, guys.

00:31:01.440 Hello.

00:31:01.880 And we're like, shut up.

00:31:04.020 But then...

00:31:04.800 Did they not...

00:31:05.380 It was like a skit.

00:31:07.060 Yeah, it was.

00:31:08.920 Were you not...

00:31:09.460 Did you...

00:31:09.920 You didn't actually think then that you are being taken to a basement where you're going

00:31:15.360 to be slowly...

00:31:16.240 In the back of our minds, maybe for a second.

00:31:18.520 Yeah, we couldn't let ourselves believe this.

00:31:20.060 You know, we were like, no, things are going to be fine.

00:31:21.340 Like, again, you wouldn't think they would be so kind.

00:31:24.820 But, you know, it was like somewhere in between what actually happened.

00:31:28.760 So, we give a bag's taken off.

00:31:30.580 And then suddenly you hear a doctor...

00:31:31.400 Oh, no, you should tell the whole thing.

00:31:34.960 So, we end up getting to the destination.

00:31:38.020 They get us out of the car.

00:31:40.240 And now, me and our friend, we don't see anything, right?

00:31:43.900 So, just tell it from my perspective.

00:31:45.680 I get out of the car.

00:31:47.040 I've got the bag over my head.

00:31:47.960 I'm being led by someone.

00:31:49.480 And I can hear Miles and our friend, you know, saying things, talking.

00:31:53.460 They lead us up some stairs through a door.

00:31:56.900 And we know we're inside.

00:31:58.940 After that, they, you know, lead us down a corridor and into a room.

00:32:03.060 And once we're in the room, we hear...

00:32:07.060 Click, click.

00:32:10.040 And they rip the bags off our heads.

00:32:11.700 And we're in a jail.

00:32:13.560 And that was that.

00:32:15.360 And they said, if boss isn't coming today, boss will be here tomorrow.

00:32:19.320 Inshallah.

00:32:20.240 And that's it.

00:32:21.760 Yeah.

00:32:22.340 And we were like, uh-oh.

00:32:23.500 That was day one.

00:32:25.360 Yeah.

00:32:26.500 God, and we realised who we were in with several other people.

00:32:29.720 Very small jails.

00:32:30.600 There was like a holding cell.

00:32:31.520 And, you know, the toilet was a hole in the ground.

00:32:33.580 No toilet paper.

00:32:34.760 You know, no real sunlight.

00:32:37.500 Artificial office lighting.

00:32:39.860 And everyone's sleeping shoulder to shoulder on the floor.

00:32:43.120 And they're like, oh, you know, if you goof off in the middle of the night, it's not good.

00:32:47.860 And, you know, they'll come in and they'll tell you off.

00:32:51.200 Ah, jeez, okay.

00:32:52.240 So we sleep and we're panicking a little bit.

00:32:54.280 But we're like, okay.

00:32:54.800 Yeah, it was...

00:32:55.640 Boss may be coming tomorrow.

00:32:56.880 Whatever.

00:32:57.220 Let's wait for tomorrow.

00:32:57.920 We're tired.

00:32:58.320 Yeah.

00:32:58.880 Yeah, it was the place where we were being held at the beginning.

00:33:03.400 It was a, like a converted old Russian interrogation facility.

00:33:10.000 So if you can imagine, I was in the centre of it.

00:33:12.300 There was an interrogation room.

00:33:13.440 And there were just these holding cells basically within kind of the, that could be closed.

00:33:21.880 And they were part of like a little big room that could also be locked from the outside.

00:33:26.780 And in each of the rooms...

00:33:27.520 Room 101.

00:33:28.440 We worried.

00:33:29.180 Yeah.

00:33:29.400 To be perfectly honest, at that point, I'd be slightly...

00:33:31.720 Yeah, we were slightly concerned.

00:33:32.860 Slightly less worried than...

00:33:34.440 The point for me, which is much more scary than that, is when you're still...

00:33:38.760 When they say, we're going to put hoods on you and cuff you.

00:33:40.960 No.

00:33:41.080 Because when you're in an actual jail, you're in some sort of judicial process, or at least

00:33:45.720 hopefully.

00:33:46.400 Oh, yeah.

00:33:46.720 It's when you're just with some God knows who dude in the middle of the open, but they're

00:33:51.520 putting hoods on you and turning up.

00:33:52.840 That would have been...

00:33:53.580 I would have...

00:33:54.240 I would have shit my pants.

00:33:55.840 With the jail thing, I'm like, oh, at least I'm in jail.

00:33:57.760 Well, actually...

00:33:58.380 Okay, at least I'm in jail.

00:34:00.020 Speaking of shooting my pants, I didn't shit for 14 days because I refused to use the

00:34:03.380 bathroom without toilet paper.

00:34:04.780 Yeah.

00:34:05.080 Yeah.

00:34:05.340 Lucky he didn't...

00:34:06.080 When he did, he clogged the toilet.

00:34:07.640 I was just...

00:34:08.080 Of a Taliban compound, and we had that...

00:34:09.840 They had to bring out a prisoner to clean the bathroom.

00:34:12.760 The one we don't like, we'll get on to him.

00:34:15.620 Are we going to mention him?

00:34:16.740 We won't mention him.

00:34:17.420 I don't care.

00:34:17.660 He's still there.

00:34:18.320 He's still there, by the way.

00:34:19.540 Oh, really?

00:34:19.980 American.

00:34:20.500 American black dude.

00:34:21.640 Yeah.

00:34:22.300 He ratted us.

00:34:23.620 Yeah.

00:34:23.900 And said that we were his own...

00:34:24.500 Schizophrenic.

00:34:25.180 He wanted to join ISIS.

00:34:26.400 Yeah.

00:34:26.640 Ex-American soldier.

00:34:27.820 Yeah.

00:34:28.060 Yeah.

00:34:28.500 I can't reveal his name.

00:34:30.040 Gross.

00:34:30.820 But the next day, we're brought into a room, and we're interrogated.

00:34:35.180 He asks us questions, and they pull...

00:34:37.300 We'll skip to the...

00:34:38.720 Yeah.

00:34:39.020 Okay.

00:34:39.600 One.

00:34:40.200 Oh, okay.

00:34:40.740 So they literally banged up abroad at this point.

00:34:43.760 Not again.

00:34:44.620 So, yeah.

00:34:45.060 They started interrogating us, and this was a couple days in, I think.

00:34:49.820 I don't think this was on the second day.

00:34:50.900 Yeah, because it was a Thursday, and that's a holiday for them.

00:34:53.740 Yeah.

00:34:54.040 So, a couple days in, we all get taken to a room together.

00:35:00.500 Was this when the boss finally arrived for the first time?

00:35:03.240 Yes, yes.

00:35:03.700 So the boss finally arrives.

00:35:04.800 He's, like, very kind.

00:35:05.580 He walks in, smiling.

00:35:06.460 What do you want?

00:35:07.040 What do you guys need?

00:35:07.740 Do you need two pros, two paced?

00:35:09.640 Do you want, like, a book?

00:35:10.540 What do you need?

00:35:11.060 And I was like, yeah, yeah.

00:35:12.160 And they're like, oh, yeah, no problems.

00:35:13.320 We'll give it to them.

00:35:14.980 Very happy with this news, but we're like, you know, obviously we want a little bit more.

00:35:18.200 But he started interrogating us.

00:35:20.100 Oh, yeah.

00:35:20.740 Before they started, I don't know why.

00:35:24.720 Maybe just to show off their collection.

00:35:26.280 They decided to bring in, like, an M-16 to show us, or maybe to see how we'd handle it.

00:35:33.000 I'm not sure.

00:35:34.120 There's, like, a good ten abem in the room.

00:35:36.340 Yeah, because, obviously, now the boss that we've been waiting for is there.

00:35:40.560 The head of foreign intelligence of the Taliban.

00:35:42.440 Oh, really?

00:35:42.940 Yeah.

00:35:43.180 So it was a big cheese.

00:35:44.280 Great, man.

00:35:45.160 He was a great guy.

00:35:45.900 Very interesting, though.

00:35:46.520 And they bring in this M-16, and they say, careful, it's loaded.

00:35:52.940 And they're passing it along.

00:35:54.860 Yeah.

00:35:55.280 And they go.

00:35:55.760 You know, we're kind of, I'm looking at it, you know, oh, I've never held a gun in my life.

00:35:59.360 You know, I'm a civilian.

00:36:01.060 I pick it up.

00:36:01.800 Three point turn.

00:36:04.720 Miles grabs it.

00:36:05.620 He tries to cock it and just puts it on his head and presses the trigger.

00:36:09.360 No, no, no.

00:36:09.380 What happens is they say, we want to, we say, we'll check if you're, like, a soldier or not.

00:36:15.940 How would you check if it's loaded or not?

00:36:18.220 And everyone, you're like, I don't know.

00:36:20.660 Other guys are like, yeah, I don't know either.

00:36:22.060 I get it.

00:36:22.860 Three point check.

00:36:23.560 I go, I'm holding it.

00:36:25.100 I don't feel the weight of a loaded gun.

00:36:26.780 So I turn off the safety, point to the roof of my mouth, click.

00:36:30.600 And, of course, it doesn't go off.

00:36:32.080 And they're all shocked.

00:36:32.740 When I point it at the head of foreign intelligence, click.

00:36:35.700 And I go, it's a loaded.

00:36:36.720 Why did you lie to me?

00:36:38.260 There's dead silence.

00:36:39.500 Dead air.

00:36:40.160 And then suddenly, oh!

00:36:42.300 He's slapping his knee, laughing.

00:36:44.420 And then everyone else starts cackling.

00:36:45.960 Broke the ice completely.

00:36:46.900 They go, oh, Abdul, Abdul, get the cake.

00:36:48.420 Get the milkshakes.

00:36:49.980 Get what they want.

00:36:50.600 This is hilarious.

00:36:51.460 Yeah.

00:36:51.660 Then they end up bringing in an RPG.

00:36:53.380 Oh, yeah.

00:36:53.820 And they tell us, just to show off.

00:36:56.880 Is trigger making it?

00:36:57.540 Yeah, yeah.

00:36:58.220 They tell us, we've actually modified.

00:37:00.340 So before they bring it in, they're saying, so we've actually managed to build a rocket.

00:37:04.380 And this rocket can fire 2,000 miles.

00:37:06.800 And we're like, holy shit.

00:37:07.780 Whoa.

00:37:08.200 Taliban have got ICBMs.

00:37:10.060 Yeah.

00:37:10.640 This is crazy.

00:37:13.320 And they call a guy over.

00:37:15.820 And he brings in an RPG.

00:37:17.740 And we realize that what he was talking about is the RPG.

00:37:20.840 And he says, this can fire 2,000 miles.

00:37:23.040 2,000 miles.

00:37:23.820 Accurately.

00:37:24.780 We modified it can fire 2,000 miles.

00:37:27.500 2,000 meters.

00:37:31.200 Yeah, I think it goes that way.

00:37:33.120 Yeah.

00:37:33.740 Miles did another thing where he started hitting it on the ground.

00:37:37.140 Yeah.

00:37:37.360 He said, this is.

00:37:38.600 No, it was the head of foreign intelligence.

00:37:40.900 He goes, you see the RPG rocket?

00:37:42.840 This little dot here is a trigger mechanism.

00:37:45.140 If you hit this hard enough, it explodes.

00:37:47.440 And if it explodes here, it will kill us all.

00:37:49.180 He goes with his metal bedside frame.

00:37:51.620 He's smashing against there.

00:37:52.840 All the time I was running out of a room, we're just like, oh.

00:37:55.940 He's like, ah, I got you.

00:37:57.480 You point gun at me.

00:37:58.420 I joke with you.

00:37:59.800 All right.

00:38:00.420 And we're just like, this guy's crazy.

00:38:01.820 We kind of find him funny.

00:38:03.000 Like, we can't not like him.

00:38:05.240 Weird.

00:38:05.660 And they start asking us their interrogation questions.

00:38:08.280 So, of course, you two at the time were in school.

00:38:11.240 So, Addy and my friend were in school.

00:38:14.100 We're doing engineering.

00:38:15.320 They give us like a.

00:38:16.820 Yeah, they give us engineering equations to solve to prove that we're actual engineers.

00:38:22.060 Were you able to?

00:38:23.040 Yeah.

00:38:23.420 Were they easy enough?

00:38:24.400 They were basically these really convoluted equations with a bunch of brackets in them

00:38:28.400 that ended with times zero.

00:38:31.880 So, of course, it would always be zero.

00:38:33.580 It was pretty.

00:38:34.160 Right.

00:38:34.720 Yeah.

00:38:35.240 Those were the tests that they ran.

00:38:37.380 You were given the test and then you say zero.

00:38:40.320 And then they would look at each other, pull out a calculator and go, he's right, you know.

00:38:44.820 And another thing was.

00:38:46.540 So, they just really wanted to ascertain who the hell you are.

00:38:50.340 Yeah.

00:38:50.680 Yeah.

00:38:51.020 They just want to make sure you're not like XSAS or an actual MI6 dude.

00:38:58.340 They just want to.

00:38:59.120 I guess that's.

00:38:59.960 Yeah.

00:39:00.200 They were like, we think you're a spy.

00:39:01.480 We think you're here doing dodgy stuff.

00:39:03.180 What are your intentions, basically?

00:39:04.300 Yeah.

00:39:04.720 And they wanted to go, okay, well, if your story makes sense, that's fine, basically.

00:39:09.340 Right.

00:39:09.620 Yeah.

00:39:11.060 So, what else?

00:39:11.960 But they didn't come to those conclusions quickly, though.

00:39:14.220 No, no.

00:39:14.620 They wanted to do their little tests, which was a bit annoying, but.

00:39:17.480 Yeah.

00:39:17.820 They gave us, like, Makarov pistols.

00:39:20.600 When they handed it to me and I didn't put my finger on the trigger, the head of the jail

00:39:24.800 says, ah, I got you.

00:39:26.160 How did you know to do that?

00:39:28.420 To not put my finger on the trigger?

00:39:30.900 Common sense.

00:39:31.640 It's common sense.

00:39:32.600 Yeah.

00:39:33.160 If you don't want to shoot, you don't put your finger on the trigger.

00:39:36.920 It was very suspicious of me after that.

00:39:39.620 But, yeah, they cleared us relatively quickly.

00:39:44.480 Yeah, they were like, you know, these guys are probably all right.

00:39:46.880 Stick them in the nice jail.

00:39:47.860 Stick them in, like, this house compound.

00:39:49.940 Yeah.

00:39:50.080 This normal house.

00:39:50.860 Like, it's like a house arrest, basically.

00:39:52.480 Yeah.

00:39:52.800 And give them a few servants and, you know, they can, you know, they don't have to suffer

00:39:59.560 a bit, basically.

00:40:00.400 Just give them some nice food, give them whatever, and we'll clear this up, hopefully.

00:40:03.340 Yeah, we were, after that, we were basically put into, like, a barrack for young Taliban

00:40:10.280 members.

00:40:10.780 And we had, you know, 15-year-old guys taking care of us and making us food and making

00:40:17.460 sure we were fed and had water to drink.

00:40:20.220 Do most people speak English, or is it a lot of dumb show stuff?

00:40:22.920 So, the higher-ups spoke English.

00:40:24.600 The lowers knew, like, four words.

00:40:26.740 If you said to them, Mia Khalifa, they would know who she was, and they'd start giggling.

00:40:30.320 Who?

00:40:30.640 What?

00:40:30.800 Yeah, the Muslim porn star.

00:40:32.600 Oh, Mia Khalifa.

00:40:33.440 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:40:34.560 They'd know who she is?

00:40:35.760 Yeah, so I'd be like, hello, they'd be like, uh, thank you, and they'd be like, no English.

00:40:42.120 Mia Khalifa, ah, ha, ha, ha.

00:40:43.960 Somehow they knew.

00:40:45.740 Okay.

00:40:47.120 Little bits, little bit, uh.

00:40:48.780 And we tried to play tic-tac-toe with them.

00:40:50.740 Oh, yeah.

00:40:51.860 Took them a while to figure it out.

00:40:53.180 Yeah.

00:40:53.480 We got there eventually.

00:40:54.340 They would just draw, like, X's over our zero, over our circles.

00:40:58.240 They would just switch signs.

00:41:00.040 They'd keep switching signs.

00:41:00.580 They'd make up rules.

00:41:02.160 Yeah.

00:41:02.400 I know, one time they ran in after, like, I think it was, like, day seven.

00:41:06.360 They ran in and said, oh, what are five?

00:41:09.860 Oh, yeah, the, one of the Taliban members runs into our room, and he says to us, uh,

00:41:16.920 what did he say?

00:41:18.140 Uh, five women.

00:41:19.900 Five women.

00:41:20.640 Five energy drinks.

00:41:22.180 Five p.m.

00:41:23.020 Be ready.

00:41:23.920 Go.

00:41:25.500 Five p.m.

00:41:26.360 Today.

00:41:27.080 And then he leaves.

00:41:27.700 What time is it?

00:41:28.380 We don't know.

00:41:29.260 Wait, what's he trying to say?

00:41:30.480 We don't know if to his name.

00:41:32.800 What does that mean?

00:41:33.580 We did not get energy drinks.

00:41:34.740 We did not get women.

00:41:35.700 When I went back, I called him into my, into my, uh, room with the Taliban commander.

00:41:39.800 I was like, what did you mean by five women, five energy drinks?

00:41:43.160 They were like, they were like, I don't know.

00:41:46.360 And they would do this every day.

00:41:47.600 They would be like, we would ask them, uh, is the commander coming today?

00:41:50.360 Are we being released today?

00:41:51.480 Yes, yes, yes, yes.

00:41:51.820 And they would say, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes.

00:41:53.840 Inshallah.

00:41:54.080 And then right before they would leave, they'd say, yes, yes, yes, yes.

00:41:56.400 Inshallah.

00:41:56.900 Inshallah.

00:41:57.440 In God's will.

00:41:58.840 Meaning, maybe.

00:41:59.840 Yeah, yeah, if God wills it, we will leave.

00:42:01.940 If God wills it, it's not going to happen.

00:42:03.820 So, that was very annoying.

00:42:05.800 Every day hearing, yes, today being released.

00:42:08.860 God willing.

00:42:10.220 God willing.

00:42:11.000 Because it wasn't too many days before you were released, right?

00:42:14.700 Yeah, it was, I was there only 14 days.

00:42:17.180 Okay.

00:42:17.660 Still, that's quite a long time to me, but.

00:42:20.020 It felt like eternity.

00:42:21.240 It did feel like a long time.

00:42:21.980 Every single morning, we would wake up and both of us would either say, today's the day,

00:42:27.160 it's happening.

00:42:27.760 Yeah, every day, it's happening, it's happening today.

00:42:30.080 This is the day.

00:42:30.860 We feel it, this is the day.

00:42:32.100 Yeah.

00:42:32.480 And then one friend, very grumpy, bit of an ass, would go, no, it's not today, you jinxed

00:42:38.560 it.

00:42:38.960 You jinxed it.

00:42:39.760 No, it's definitely not going to be today.

00:42:41.040 Yeah, you screwed it.

00:42:42.120 Yeah.

00:42:42.260 So, you were kept in, basically, a house-type compound.

00:42:46.760 Yeah, we had to stay in one room, we couldn't look out the windows.

00:42:49.400 Yeah, we'd have to knock to go to the bathroom, but we could go to the bathroom.

00:42:52.520 We were basically, we were just hanging out for two weeks, basically.

00:42:55.400 Again, like, conversation dried up a little bit, we all kind of started, you know, worried

00:42:58.980 about home.

00:43:00.560 This one might have cried a little bit.

00:43:01.760 Yeah.

00:43:02.240 But you know how it distracted me.

00:43:03.320 It's terrifying.

00:43:03.760 Day one, day one, I was very, I was worried about, because, you know, we were supposed

00:43:07.500 to come back, and, you know, I was making my family worry.

00:43:11.220 Yeah, of course, yeah.

00:43:12.760 You know how we distracted each other?

00:43:14.360 We'd say, hey, uh.

00:43:15.420 We'd explain movies to each other.

00:43:17.100 Yeah, we'd say, hey, explain a movie to me.

00:43:18.780 Oh, yeah.

00:43:20.040 Scene by scene.

00:43:21.160 When Andy was crying, I was like, hey, explain to me the entire Fallout video game lore.

00:43:24.660 And he was like, okay.

00:43:25.840 Then five months later, he was like, I think that's about it.

00:43:30.600 Yeah, it must have been, I would have been terrified.

00:43:32.680 The worry, of course, is the, like, the, the Ken Bigley thing.

00:43:38.480 Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, the multiple, multiple, yeah.

00:43:40.680 That you're, you're beheaded on camera.

00:43:42.700 I mean, that would be the.

00:43:43.740 Yeah, which we.

00:43:45.040 Because you don't know.

00:43:46.080 We spoke about this.

00:43:47.100 Because you definitely don't know, right, who you're in the power of.

00:43:51.220 I mean, maybe you've met the Taliban head of foreign intelligence or whatever, but he

00:43:56.320 could hand you off to who knows what kind of outfit.

00:43:59.280 I could disappear and no one.

00:44:00.720 Yeah.

00:44:00.940 They could, no one checks for records.

00:44:02.480 I could have disappeared.

00:44:03.600 They go, no, I've never, never seen him.

00:44:05.440 He popped in, hasn't popped out.

00:44:06.840 I don't know what's happened.

00:44:07.480 No one knew what was going on for a good week.

00:44:10.420 Yeah.

00:44:10.940 The only thing is, as we were being driven to the compound, I managed to connect to a

00:44:16.380 Wi-Fi network really quick and send my location and, hey, something's happening, basically.

00:44:20.220 All right.

00:44:20.740 They hadn't taken your phone off of you.

00:44:22.480 No.

00:44:22.780 Oh, yeah.

00:44:23.780 In the car, after they've cuffed us and put bags over our heads, I had the Taliban in

00:44:28.720 the car asking me for my WhatsApp.

00:44:30.300 So they were going on my phone and I was typing in their phone numbers and adding them on WhatsApp.

00:44:34.920 We were playing, like, anime music and stuff.

00:44:36.540 Yeah.

00:44:36.820 It was on my car, yeah.

00:44:37.620 Some still text me to this day asking how I'm doing.

00:44:42.920 You lied, bro.

00:44:45.260 Yeah.

00:44:46.180 But honestly, it wasn't as bad as everyone would say.

00:44:48.540 You know, you see them in movies, you're back over your head, being whipped or whatever.

00:44:52.160 It's not as bad.

00:44:52.800 We kind of knew that that wouldn't be us because even then, the Taliban were already trying

00:44:59.120 to open themselves up and, you know, there would be no reason to do something like that.

00:45:05.920 Plus, you've legitimately not done anything wrong as well, right?

00:45:10.360 You actually haven't done anything wrong.

00:45:11.840 We didn't have a permit for one thing, which, yeah, a genuine mistake, but to be fair, who

00:45:15.560 could have known?

00:45:17.460 What I mean is you genuinely aren't ex-military contractors.

00:45:21.460 You genuinely aren't trying to subvert their system of government.

00:45:24.380 I'm not going to say anything on camera.

00:45:24.940 Or anything like that.

00:45:26.380 No.

00:45:27.740 But, no, honestly, we...

00:45:29.400 And they must have twigged that relatively quickly.

00:45:32.840 Yeah.

00:45:33.100 To be fair, they looked through your phone.

00:45:34.360 You had a joke video of Osama Bin Laden singing, what was it?

00:45:38.460 Britney Spears.

00:45:39.060 Britney Spears.

00:45:39.900 What was it?

00:45:40.520 I can't remember.

00:45:42.000 Fireworks.

00:45:42.800 You know, it was a deep fake, like an AI thing of Osama Bin Laden singing fireworks or

00:45:47.360 Poker Face or whatever.

00:45:48.560 Another thing.

00:45:49.240 They go to Addy and they go, this, is it real?

00:45:55.500 Is it him?

00:45:56.540 And you said, maybe.

00:45:59.840 I was just like in the corner just losing it.

00:46:02.380 Yeah.

00:46:02.640 They were going through our phones, like image by image.

00:46:05.900 And just like, you could see them like laughing at the memes that we had saved.

00:46:10.680 They were sending our memes through our WhatsApp to themselves.

00:46:15.980 That was just for later.

00:46:17.480 Another thing was that they tried to delete all the pictures that I took in Afghanistan.

00:46:22.200 Right.

00:46:22.460 But because of like the way my phone's set up, I have like a Google gallery and a normal

00:46:28.400 gallery and I deleted it from my normal gallery, but off my Google gallery.

00:46:31.380 So when we got out, I was so bummed out, I didn't have any of my holiday photos.

00:46:36.620 And then I just checked my other gallery and everything was there, which it wouldn't

00:46:39.780 have backed up because I didn't have my internet.

00:46:41.580 It's strange.

00:46:42.020 So I don't know.

00:46:44.160 So what happened then when they released you?

00:46:46.160 How did that play out?

00:46:47.140 So the reason that I was released, one thing we have to talk about.

00:46:53.480 Yeah.

00:46:53.740 Very important thing.

00:46:54.800 One of the things that happened while we were in jail, sorry to detract.

00:47:00.640 One of the last days, like day 11, you know, boredom was really setting in.

00:47:09.720 Very bored.

00:47:10.360 And, you know, we had, like we said, we had access to a bathroom as long as we asked for

00:47:15.840 permission to go.

00:47:17.140 Miles went to the bathroom.

00:47:18.620 The bathroom was horrendous.

00:47:20.400 It was tiny.

00:47:22.200 Keep in mind, this was a bathroom used exclusively by young Taliban guys.

00:47:27.420 They kept eating spicy food.

00:47:29.940 You know, no one had to really clean up.

00:47:33.620 No one wanted to do it.

00:47:34.460 So it was, you know, sprayed with feces on the walls.

00:47:38.120 It was disgusting.

00:47:39.380 It was probably one of the worst bathrooms I've ever been in.

00:47:41.920 And it was a squat bathroom.

00:47:43.380 So just imagine them, you know, firing away.

00:47:45.800 It was unpleasant.

00:47:48.320 And the one comfort in this bathroom, there was no toilet paper.

00:47:51.520 There was no hand soap.

00:47:52.600 There was no running water.

00:47:54.260 The one comfort was there was a plastic tub of gel, scented gel balls.

00:48:00.680 You know, there's small scented gel balls for bathrooms.

00:48:03.860 I guess so.

00:48:05.300 Like Orbeez.

00:48:06.560 Scented Orbeez, basically.

00:48:07.680 Yeah.

00:48:08.860 That was the only comfort there.

00:48:11.140 And, you know, Miles, off he goes to the bathroom.

00:48:14.640 And he comes back and he's holding something in his hand.

00:48:18.020 And he's very grinny and happy about it.

00:48:20.160 Very excited.

00:48:20.900 And he shows us.

00:48:21.500 He says, look what I've got.

00:48:23.280 It's one of the toilet shit covered Orbeez balls.

00:48:28.280 Right.

00:48:28.800 And we tell him, put that away.

00:48:31.080 It's disgusting.

00:48:31.860 And he's like, oh, what do you mean?

00:48:35.220 What's the big deal?

00:48:36.000 We're like, you know, obviously there's going to be crap on it.

00:48:39.220 It was an out I took you.

00:48:40.900 And it was disgusting.

00:48:42.580 And, you know, we eventually talk Miles into just, he just stuffed it under the carpet or whatever.

00:48:46.600 Right.

00:48:49.060 And we don't want to touch him for the rest of the day.

00:48:52.060 Oh, it's like, I don't know if we can throw it at a wall.

00:48:54.500 It wasn't covered in shit.

00:48:55.520 It was just like, you know, in my environment.

00:48:57.360 It was green.

00:48:57.860 I was like, it smells good because it's, you know, fragranced.

00:49:02.540 And you can throw it at, oh, you can play like pink.

00:49:04.580 So just because it wasn't covered in shit.

00:49:06.340 No, no.

00:49:06.720 It was like.

00:49:07.100 Okay.

00:49:07.360 Because I've got the impression it was.

00:49:08.820 No, no.

00:49:09.220 It was covered in particles, you know.

00:49:11.380 Okay.

00:49:11.620 All right.

00:49:12.340 Okay.

00:49:12.680 So.

00:49:14.600 I'm not Indian.

00:49:15.400 The day goes by.

00:49:16.440 The next day, Miles wakes up.

00:49:18.820 And he's like, hey, Addy, look at my eye because it's really hurting.

00:49:23.660 And his eyes.

00:49:24.420 And you've got pink eyes.

00:49:26.560 And his eyes.

00:49:27.400 His eyes are very red.

00:49:28.860 And I'm like, it looks like maybe you irritated it in your sleep.

00:49:31.400 Yes.

00:49:31.600 And as the day goes by, his eye keeps getting redder and redder and more inflamed.

00:49:36.260 And he ends up getting a very bad fever and an infection.

00:49:41.840 And from that day on, I still have him saved on my phone as shit-eye Miles.

00:49:46.700 Because he put shit in his eye.

00:49:48.140 I got to go to the hospital.

00:49:49.180 So I got to look outside.

00:49:50.420 I memorized every single detail.

00:49:51.860 I counted exactly how long the trip was.

00:49:53.880 Every single landmark.

00:49:55.240 Because, again, they were using the bag over my head, which I could see through.

00:49:59.060 I was like, hey, can we stop by that restaurant?

00:50:00.660 I'm like, no.

00:50:01.780 So you knew you were in the middle of Kabul?

00:50:04.920 Yes.

00:50:05.160 Is it basically in the middle of Kabul?

00:50:06.260 Right next to the Russian embassy, basically.

00:50:07.840 Right.

00:50:08.140 Okay.

00:50:08.300 And then we go to the hospital, they give me chocolate milk and all this other stuff.

00:50:13.360 I'm like, ha, the idiot's back in the compound, don't know this hack.

00:50:18.160 All you've got to do is throw some shit in your eye and you're getting off the wing.

00:50:22.940 One thing that Miles missed out on, because he got his chocolate milk, but we managed to

00:50:27.160 meet with a lot of ministers before he did.

00:50:29.580 I also remember what our friend did, what he did wrong, what he's told them.

00:50:35.140 Oh, I think you might want to disclose.

00:50:39.140 Yeah, if you want.

00:50:39.720 Well, we had a third friend with us.

00:50:41.020 This friend I was friends with since, like, 2019.

00:50:44.020 You know, I paid for his trip to Afghanistan because he's going 50-50 in the gold mine.

00:50:48.300 All I said was, hey, listen, you're doing a PhD in chemistry.

00:50:51.040 You can handle this stuff with the geological data.

00:50:55.720 Just write up a share agreement 50-50.

00:50:57.920 You know, let's do this business together.

00:50:59.180 The day before we were about to go, he tries to cancel the trip.

00:51:02.040 I'm like, no, I've paid for everything.

00:51:03.960 And everything rides on you coming with us.

00:51:06.060 Like, you need to come.

00:51:07.300 And he's like, oh, fine.

00:51:08.320 I'm like, if you wanted to cancel, you could cancel a year ago.

00:51:10.880 When we planned this, we've been planning this for ages.

00:51:12.860 This is how we can make, you know, life-changing amounts of money.

00:51:15.600 If we make this business work.

00:51:16.980 Yeah, you've got cold feed.

00:51:18.180 He pussed it out.

00:51:19.160 It's very strange.

00:51:20.400 Like, but he was a good friend up to that point.

00:51:22.080 So I'm like, I'm just nervous.

00:51:23.140 And then apparently during the interrogations, the Taliban showed me an audio recording.

00:51:27.640 And it was proven what they said was true.

00:51:30.580 He went to the Taliban and told the Taliban, I think Miles is a spy.

00:51:35.120 What?

00:51:35.480 If I tell you the details, can I go?

00:51:39.000 And they're like, yeah, sure.

00:51:40.920 I'm like, what?

00:51:41.940 You know, I find out afterwards.

00:51:43.080 I hear him.

00:51:44.140 I hear his voice, his exact voice saying this type of stuff on the audio recording.

00:51:47.520 I'm like, no, no, no.

00:51:49.260 So, of course, they kept me.

00:51:50.740 I would have been out in maybe three, four weeks.

00:51:53.400 But they kept me for eight months.

00:51:54.540 Because he sold me out for something I didn't do to save his own skin.

00:51:58.600 For nothing.

00:51:59.160 For nothing, yeah.

00:51:59.660 We went, we went, you know, there's, there are these interrogations.

00:52:02.300 It's not like we, we're being threatened or anything.

00:52:04.120 That's crazy.

00:52:04.480 That could have got you killed.

00:52:05.680 Oh, yeah.

00:52:06.080 Seriously, yeah.

00:52:06.520 Really easily got you killed.

00:52:07.760 I mean, they are allowed to execute, you know, spies and stuff.

00:52:10.900 Oh, yeah.

00:52:11.380 And, you know.

00:52:12.140 Yeah.

00:52:12.500 Yeah.

00:52:13.120 I imagine they wouldn't think twice about it.

00:52:14.940 At the point at which he said that, we were already cleared.

00:52:18.020 Like, this was, you know.

00:52:19.100 Yeah, what was possible timing did make sense.

00:52:21.040 He wasn't stressed on, by the way.

00:52:22.300 He was on propanol, which is an anti-stress drug he was taking for some reason.

00:52:27.140 So, you know, he's high most of the time.

00:52:29.240 Just sleeping these days off.

00:52:30.780 Not a care in the world.

00:52:31.820 And I'm just there, you know, stuck in isolation for eight months and worrying what's happening.

00:52:38.240 No outside world contact.

00:52:39.380 No conversations.

00:52:40.680 Because this guy, if I paid for his holiday and got him into this business, which he asked for, by the way.

00:52:46.180 It was his idea to go to Afghanistan and do this.

00:52:49.120 He sold me out just because he got nervous and wouldn't stick next to me.

00:52:53.780 If I did nothing wrong.

00:52:55.280 I'll take it you're not friends anymore.

00:52:56.800 No.

00:52:57.440 All right.

00:52:58.480 Yeah, that's terrible.

00:52:59.300 That's really bad.

00:52:59.860 With friends like these.

00:53:01.820 Yeah, we're friends now, yeah.

00:53:03.020 Yeah.

00:53:03.680 Wow.

00:53:03.940 So they let you go?

00:53:06.460 Yeah, they let us go because what they told us, the Taliban told us was that the Polish

00:53:11.880 government was putting a lot of pressure on them to release us because of the EU consulate

00:53:16.420 that's in Kabul.

00:53:18.980 They were able to kind of be more diplomatically present for us.

00:53:22.940 Whereas with Miles, as soon as we got out, we were told by the EU that the British government

00:53:28.220 is basically not doing anything for Miles.

00:53:29.960 Yeah, there's really two men in prison.

00:53:31.540 And it's not looking, the prognosis is not very good.

00:53:36.780 So it was, you know.

00:53:38.180 Because were the SAS dudes in trouble?

00:53:40.200 Yeah, they had classified information.

00:53:43.460 You know those security reports you get every two weeks from some agency that basically

00:53:49.120 says, hey, ISK I believe to be here.

00:53:51.220 This is all the information we have.

00:53:52.900 They had that on their body.

00:53:54.900 They had illegal weapons in the hotel.

00:53:56.980 They were like, yeah, these guys are spies.

00:53:58.060 So you were raised in Britain, but you're what, half Polish or?

00:54:03.840 No, no.

00:54:04.140 What's your deal with Poland?

00:54:05.760 So I am Polish by blood and also by citizenship.

00:54:09.400 And I came here when I was, you know, very young, like 10 years old or something like that.

00:54:15.000 Right.

00:54:15.360 And I've...

00:54:16.040 But your passport's Polish passport.

00:54:17.880 But I have a Polish passport, yeah.

00:54:18.960 Okay.

00:54:19.240 All right.

00:54:19.920 I see.

00:54:20.240 So that's my relationship with Poland.

00:54:23.000 Okay.

00:54:24.120 All right.

00:54:24.420 A big Polish passport.

00:54:24.840 So we were, you know, we were EU citizens and...

00:54:27.780 Other friend was Italian and was the Italian and Canadian citizen.

00:54:31.740 And so at the time, what, was Boris Prime Minister?

00:54:33.800 Was that what it would be?

00:54:35.740 No, it was, I don't know.

00:54:38.060 Or Theresa May, possibly?

00:54:39.440 This was only last year, technically, so...

00:54:41.340 God, we went for a few Prime Mays.

00:54:42.480 Last year in March is when this would have been.

00:54:46.360 That's when we released.

00:54:47.160 I thought it was longer ago than that.

00:54:49.240 I mean, you guys should know.

00:54:50.880 Okay.

00:54:52.680 So they let your friend and you go.

00:54:55.000 Yeah.

00:54:55.540 But you're just...

00:54:57.520 I mean, how did that play out when they said, yeah, go off, you...

00:55:01.560 What?

00:55:01.880 I noticed.

00:55:02.420 We need to talk to you.

00:55:03.380 Towards my friend.

00:55:04.920 My friend was, towards me, being very, very cold.

00:55:08.160 And he was like, oh, you know, we're going now.

00:55:10.120 Bye-bye, Miles.

00:55:11.060 Like, didn't say goodbye.

00:55:11.900 This was, you know...

00:55:12.820 On the last day.

00:55:13.680 The whole debacle with the eye.

00:55:15.460 I'm still sick.

00:55:16.240 So Miles was very sick.

00:55:17.560 After the whole eye thing, I was giving him eye drops.

00:55:20.220 Every day, multiple times.

00:55:21.480 Like, I was taking care of him, basically.

00:55:22.440 I just stopped eating completely.

00:55:23.440 Very sick.

00:55:24.140 Yeah.

00:55:24.340 He got a little depressed.

00:55:26.140 Yeah.

00:55:27.320 I knew what was happening.

00:55:28.700 Yeah.

00:55:28.860 He was feeling miserable.

00:55:30.040 It's going to be a long stay.

00:55:32.140 I've put multiple years in my head.

00:55:33.380 I was like, yeah.

00:55:33.720 I, you know, you read about this.

00:55:35.520 I've read about this multiple times.

00:55:36.680 Yeah.

00:55:37.000 So, they tell us, you know, you guys are going to be going today.

00:55:42.360 And, you know, I'm telling Miles, oh, no, you're going to be released too.

00:55:47.860 You're going to be released too.

00:55:48.700 Try it.

00:55:48.780 The last thing you said to me, yeah.

00:55:50.200 Yeah.

00:55:50.700 So, they come pick us up.

00:55:53.200 We grab our stuff.

00:55:54.920 And, you know, I tell Miles, you know, make sure you use these eye drops.

00:55:58.040 This is this.

00:55:58.840 I'm lying on the floor.

00:55:59.660 And I tell him, you know, stay strong.

00:56:01.700 You're not going to be in here too long.

00:56:03.000 You know, maybe a couple of days or weeks.

00:56:05.860 And you'll be released with us.

00:56:07.260 It's just the British government is being too sly.

00:56:09.960 And, like, my last words to Adrian were, yes.

00:56:12.660 I haven't had to spell back.

00:56:13.580 Just a couple more.

00:56:14.600 Just a couple of days or weeks.

00:56:16.140 I'll see you soon.

00:56:17.580 And he said, yes.

00:56:19.220 And that was the last thing he said to me.

00:56:21.540 My other friend just didn't say goodbye.

00:56:23.160 Like, he just left.

00:56:23.740 He felt miserable.

00:56:24.780 I gave you guys a note too.

00:56:26.760 I snuck you guys a note.

00:56:27.560 I can't believe he did that.

00:56:28.280 Yeah.

00:56:28.520 We've managed to find.

00:56:29.400 So, the carpet you could lift up.

00:56:30.780 And we've managed to find, like, pieces of paper, which we use for tic-tac-toe.

00:56:34.200 We've managed to find a pen as well.

00:56:35.920 So, I wrote them letters.

00:56:37.740 They say, hey, this is how you access my social media.

00:56:39.960 This is how you get into my emails.

00:56:40.900 This is how you get into my banking stuff.

00:56:42.520 Like, I had a whole.

00:56:43.720 I actually had a whole backup option for this.

00:56:45.960 The thing was, I asked my other friend, the one who betrayed me, which I didn't know at this point, to do all this stuff.

00:56:53.060 And he never did any of this.

00:56:54.080 I had a folder that told them exactly what to do in this situation.

00:56:57.660 Like, this is how you get into my banking.

00:56:58.860 This is how you contact everyone on my credit file and tell them, hey, listen, you need to freeze my credit right now.

00:57:04.280 This is who you contact within the media.

00:57:05.900 This journalist will help regarding this.

00:57:08.920 This is, you know, what you do for X, Y, Z.

00:57:11.520 Everything.

00:57:12.400 I knew one day something was going to go wrong on my travels because, God, you know, I'm rolling the dice here.

00:57:17.460 So, I thought, okay, there's something in place here.

00:57:20.160 And I know my best friend will go to my house, open this up and do these very basic tasks for me.

00:57:26.780 And then, of course, they get home.

00:57:29.760 He does nothing.

00:57:31.060 Why?

00:57:31.800 He just doesn't care.

00:57:32.960 He wants to wipe his hands off.

00:57:34.740 He was resentful, I think.

00:57:36.680 I think he blamed...

00:57:37.240 For what?

00:57:38.120 He blames everything on me.

00:57:39.400 Yeah, he blamed the two weeks in jail on Miles, which I think it's a risk.

00:57:47.840 Like, when you two were together on the way back home to Dubai.

00:57:53.900 Ah, well, he said that Miles had it coming, you know, that, like, it was very strange.

00:58:00.560 And considering he was on, you know, these anti-anxiety medications while he was there, it's just, like, it's a bit strange that he couldn't really handle it.

00:58:08.260 I'm, like, I'm not eating any food because I'm, like, well, more food should go to more with my best friends.

00:58:17.620 And, like, part of it was, because remember you guys had eggs.

00:58:21.640 I really like eggs.

00:58:22.660 And I was, like, no, I can't have eggs.

00:58:24.800 I brought them here telling them we may have some business and they're in this bad situation.

00:58:29.820 And they're hungry.

00:58:30.640 I want them to have more food.

00:58:31.620 I'm refusing to eat now.

00:58:32.780 I feel sad.

00:58:33.260 He also ended up telling Miles that I was dead.

00:58:35.580 So he was the only way that Miles could contact the outside.

00:58:39.040 Yeah.

00:58:39.340 So occasionally the Taliban, first few weeks the Taliban were, like, okay, we're going to interrogate some more, you know.

00:58:44.320 But after a few weeks of interrogations, before they told me, you know, your best friends tried to sell you out, they said, oh, you can call home if you want.

00:58:53.780 I was, like, yeah, sure.

00:58:54.400 So I call, you know, the friends who sold me out.

00:58:56.860 I say, hey, what's happening?

00:58:57.900 And they go, yeah.

00:58:59.060 Adrian had an injury and he's in hospital and we think he's dead.

00:59:02.860 Adrian's dead.

00:59:03.420 And I'm, like, I'm, like, whoa, me, you know, I'm, like, whoa, my best friend's dead.

00:59:09.140 One of my best friend's dead because of me.

00:59:09.960 He interpreted that as, I had to go to hospital because of Taliban jail.

00:59:14.760 Yeah.

00:59:15.000 So Miles, for, like, what, six months or something, thought that he killed me.

00:59:19.280 Yeah, it was, like, I'm under the subject of my best friend's dead, yeah.

00:59:20.260 Why did you say that?

00:59:21.520 Yeah, because...

00:59:22.600 Why?

00:59:23.220 Adrian realised that our friends over here was a bad person, so he cut contact somewhat.

00:59:29.060 And Adrian had an injury that required, like, you know, a few hospital visits, but it wasn't

00:59:34.820 anything, you know, life-threatening or really seriously bad.

00:59:37.760 Why would you say you thought you were dead?

00:59:39.300 He was just really socially inept.

00:59:41.340 It was really silly.

00:59:42.120 What a weirdo.

00:59:42.920 A weirdo.

00:59:43.780 But here's the thing, too.

00:59:44.860 That's strange.

00:59:45.740 Yeah, so they would interrogate me.

00:59:47.220 They said, Miles, we know you're a spy.

00:59:48.360 Just admit it.

00:59:48.800 We'll let you go.

00:59:49.400 Nope.

00:59:49.960 Miles, we know you're a spy.

00:59:50.920 We actually want to learn off you.

00:59:52.200 Teach us some secrets so you can go.

00:59:53.740 Nope.

00:59:54.300 Miles, we know you're a spy.

00:59:55.260 If you don't admit it to us, the Taliban courts are going to find you guilty.

00:59:58.500 You're going to be killed.

00:59:59.600 No.

01:00:00.300 Miles, we're going to stick you downstairs in the basement and, you know, just...

01:00:04.020 You're going to be around...

01:00:06.360 Apparently underneath us, by the way, were a bunch of ISIS members who were captured.

01:00:10.040 They were going to be executed.

01:00:11.200 So I was underground there for, like, two weeks, hearing these people obviously get, like,

01:00:17.220 interrogated, you know, the way the Americans do it in certain sites.

01:00:21.680 And obviously them crying for their lives, knowing they're about to die the next day or something.

01:00:25.260 And, of course, I don't go outside.

01:00:26.860 I don't shower for, like, two weeks.

01:00:28.620 I'm sitting in bed.

01:00:30.360 You know, I just stop eating in general.

01:00:33.200 And so they're integrity to me this entire time.

01:00:35.420 You know, intense, but nothing dodgy.

01:00:37.040 And I'm just like, no, no, not any of this.

01:00:38.540 I'm adamant of this.

01:00:39.960 Eventually they pull me back upstairs and go, okay, we don't think you are.

01:00:43.080 We don't think you are.

01:00:44.000 The SAS guys, they admitted to some stuff.

01:00:47.500 You, we don't know what to make of you.

01:00:49.380 You don't point to any category.

01:00:50.560 We just found out you're saying Taliban lurch.

01:00:52.780 Like, what?

01:00:54.320 I'm like, yeah, it's good for business.

01:00:56.580 And eventually I talk with them and I manage to pull some strings.

01:01:02.600 So I go, listen, you know why I'm here?

01:01:04.980 I'm here to make money.

01:01:05.980 And you guys like money.

01:01:07.200 This isn't a very good way to treat a business person here.

01:01:11.400 And then, like, thinking about it.

01:01:13.200 Eventually they keep coming back and I'm like, welcome to my office.

01:01:15.320 Come and take a seat.

01:01:15.960 And I have the idea of I need to be overly joyous and overly positive because this entire place, it's a bad, you know, it's a bad situation.

01:01:25.520 Everyone's depressed.

01:01:26.240 They go from each room to interrogate each person of suspicion.

01:01:29.700 That person's screaming, freaking out, crying.

01:01:32.020 Imagine what that does to you as an interrogator.

01:01:33.940 You know, you start getting upset.

01:01:35.140 But that one British guy who's very strategic in how he, you know, presents himself, he's a fun guy to be around.

01:01:45.240 He's funny.

01:01:46.260 He's honest.

01:01:47.720 Yeah, you know, I think this guy's okay.

01:01:49.520 We'll give him some leeway.

01:01:50.700 So we had...

01:01:51.680 You tried to have, you know, keep your spirits high.

01:01:54.200 Exactly, yeah.

01:01:54.800 Because, you know, if I start freaking out at them, that's going to help.

01:01:58.660 I need to control my emotions.

01:01:59.620 Any other guy that they looked up, everyone goes crazy.

01:02:04.200 I had a bad childhood, so I knew exactly how to, like, control myself in these situations because I was around it a lot.

01:02:09.960 And, you know, they would go to each room each day and go, you know, each week, sorry, saying, what are your needs?

01:02:16.180 Do you need toothpaste?

01:02:17.180 Do you need more, you know, shampoo?

01:02:19.660 And the guys would say, I want a cheeseburger and I want books and I want to be free.

01:02:25.260 Kill yourself, you know.

01:02:26.360 Just yelling at this Taliban.

01:02:27.320 And they'll go, whatever, let's go to the next room, same thing, same thing.

01:02:30.880 And apparently this guy went to several prisons around Kabul, so, you know, he saw a lot.

01:02:34.780 He comes in to me.

01:02:35.660 I'm just lying down like this, you know, just chilling.

01:02:38.660 And they're like, Mars, what do you want?

01:02:40.480 They think, oh, white person, really entitled.

01:02:43.180 I go, nothing.

01:02:44.780 And they would push it.

01:02:45.880 I know you have to get a story.

01:02:46.660 I want you to have a nice day.

01:02:47.920 Thank you.

01:02:48.760 And they would just look at each other like...

01:02:50.920 They would laugh over this.

01:02:52.620 And then after a few weeks, they asked, what do you want?

01:02:54.820 And I was like, you know, like, I would like something, Dave.

01:02:58.980 Like, oh, actually, yeah, whatever you want.

01:03:00.740 It must mean you actually need something now.

01:03:03.040 I go, a bit bored.

01:03:04.660 Can I have my money that I had?

01:03:06.420 I'll just buy some books, you know.

01:03:08.380 And how about this?

01:03:09.300 I buy some books for the other people in the jail.

01:03:12.500 It would, you know, keep them from complaining, you know, from bitching.

01:03:15.740 Don't you guys want some more peace and quiet?

01:03:17.860 They're like, yeah, well, it doesn't harm anyone.

01:03:20.440 And, yeah, why not?

01:03:22.340 Okay, so I buy some books.

01:03:23.540 I'm going through, like, one book a day.

01:03:24.960 Because imagine 24 hours free with no, just a blank room.

01:03:29.280 You're like, oh, you know, reading a book a day.

01:03:31.360 Each book's imported, so it costs, like, five pounds.

01:03:33.680 I'm going through this.

01:03:34.520 I'm like, I need something a bit better.

01:03:36.300 And, of course, I'm having meetings with the commander.

01:03:38.380 He's still trying to suss me out of whatever I am.

01:03:41.340 And I go, you know, I have a laptop in my hotel.

01:03:45.080 Do you want that?

01:03:46.460 You can find everything on there.

01:03:48.540 I'll tell you every password.

01:03:50.420 You know, you can have my laptop.

01:03:51.680 I go, where is it?

01:03:52.280 I go, on one condition.

01:03:54.100 And he goes, okay, if you find nothing on the laptop of suspicion,

01:03:57.480 and I mean solid suspicion, you'll give me my laptop.

01:04:00.140 You know what I'm going to do with that laptop in Taliban prison?

01:04:02.140 And he goes, no.

01:04:02.880 And I go, you can install any software you want on it.

01:04:05.940 Demand to me, which is fine.

01:04:07.220 You can take the laptop review at any time.

01:04:09.360 But I'm going to write a book about this experience.

01:04:11.640 And you've seen the book I wrote previously.

01:04:13.040 You liked it.

01:04:13.940 I'm going to be honest.

01:04:14.740 I'm going to say good things because, you know what, I'm so enjoying this in a twisted way.

01:04:19.480 But I'm going to tell you, I'm going to tell them you were the kind commander.

01:04:22.500 That's what I'm going to call you.

01:04:23.300 And he's like, he was.

01:04:24.280 He really was.

01:04:25.040 He's like, okay.

01:04:26.320 And you know what?

01:04:27.040 I'm just going to distract myself so I don't keep complaining, you know.

01:04:30.460 And, you know, why not?

01:04:32.140 I think it'll be fun and, you know, whatever.

01:04:34.580 And you guys get some stuff off my laptop.

01:04:36.940 Deal?

01:04:37.220 He's like, deal.

01:04:38.060 Show him where the laptop is in the hotel, which was kept in a safe place.

01:04:41.080 He checks it.

01:04:41.640 Two weeks later, nothing.

01:04:42.420 I get my laptop and never get my $1,000 on me.

01:04:45.660 And they're like, Miles, we noticed all your YouTube videos.

01:04:48.480 We found them.

01:04:48.980 They're pretty funny.

01:04:49.980 And, like, if you are genuine in what you are, we're very sorry about this situation.

01:04:54.900 But, you know, someone told us you were a spy and, you know, that happens then.

01:04:58.720 And I'm like, yeah, okay, whatever, but innocent, you know, innocent of proven guilty, you know.

01:05:04.300 Just give me some leeway here.

01:05:05.480 If you have some questions, you ask me.

01:05:07.580 I'll tell you the truth and I can back it with evidence, maybe.

01:05:10.580 If you find photos of me in Ukraine with a gun, I go, look, no, what's it called?

01:05:17.960 Magazine.

01:05:18.420 No magazine in the rifle, you know.

01:05:20.560 So, it's not loaded, it's just for photo.

01:05:23.720 Because guns are cool, right?

01:05:24.560 And they're like, yeah, guns are cool.

01:05:26.380 And I was like, yeah, I want to struggle.

01:05:27.780 And they were like, okay, Miles, why were you in Brazil?

01:05:30.840 I was like, I went to Snake Island.

01:05:32.280 They're like, where's that?

01:05:32.960 How many people are there?

01:05:33.700 No people.

01:05:34.440 Snakes.

01:05:35.120 I went there for fun.

01:05:36.080 They're like, okay, what's this for?

01:05:37.480 Adventure.

01:05:38.720 They're like, okay.

01:05:40.180 They're like, hey, Miles, why do you want to do business in Afghanistan?

01:05:42.300 I kind of just fell into it, didn't I?

01:05:43.740 They're like laughing.

01:05:44.960 Do you find British humor really funny?

01:05:47.080 You can tell some dad jokes.

01:05:48.740 I go, money.

01:05:49.300 Do you like money?

01:05:50.260 Yeah.

01:05:50.880 I want money.

01:05:51.880 Let's do some business together.

01:05:53.520 So, after a while, I'll get my laptop back.

01:05:55.580 I have my $1,000.

01:05:56.600 I go, listen, how about you let me spend this money on more than books?

01:05:59.580 And like, whatever.

01:06:01.440 How about I decorate this room?

01:06:03.140 And when I leave one day, maybe in a year, maybe in a week, you guys get this lovely room.

01:06:08.600 And it's fully decorated.

01:06:09.800 And whatever I leave behind, you guys can use.

01:06:11.800 Deal, deal.

01:06:12.600 There you go.

01:06:13.500 Okay.

01:06:14.200 So, I go for Ankiya.

01:06:15.940 I replace the carpets.

01:06:17.240 I paint the walls.

01:06:18.280 I put LED, like, fairy lights around.

01:06:20.960 I get an Xbox, a TV.

01:06:23.760 And they're like, yeah, this is cool.

01:06:25.060 We're playing Modern Warfare 3 with the Taliban on Xbox 360.

01:06:28.680 It's a laugh.

01:06:29.480 It's a passive time, lightly.

01:06:30.740 And then I go, okay, well, you know, this food's lovely.

01:06:36.200 You know, I kind of miss food in my home, you know.

01:06:38.520 Can I order takeaway?

01:06:40.740 And you get a little bit.

01:06:41.920 And they're like, well, I'm trying to get a cheeseburger.

01:06:44.700 Yeah, why not?

01:06:45.480 Why not?

01:06:45.900 So, I mean, they could have just taken that thousand pounds off of you and just done whatever

01:06:49.780 they wanted to do.

01:06:50.260 Yeah, but I understand that I have a voice and several other people do.

01:06:54.800 So, when they get released, they want the Taliban to be in an upstanding reputation.

01:06:59.080 It also goes to show that they are, you know, they're not just a bunch of hooligans or anything.

01:07:03.300 Like, they are trying to have a system here.

01:07:05.300 Yeah, I see.

01:07:05.940 And that's also one of the reasons why they couldn't release miles for so long, because

01:07:09.280 they went that far with all the, like, you know, interrogations and the accusations.

01:07:16.780 And the British, it's just an awful situation.

01:07:20.120 I don't understand why the British government didn't do anything.

01:07:22.580 Oh, yeah, the British government made demands to the Taliban.

01:07:25.240 So, I found out afterwards.

01:07:26.320 Oh, the very funny demands.

01:07:27.960 Yeah, so, oh, yeah, it turns out, so, with my laptop, I figured out there's no spyware on

01:07:32.400 there, or at least hoped it wasn't.

01:07:34.060 I was like, okay, I'm going to connect to some Wi-Fi.

01:07:35.740 So, I found out there was one Wi-Fi network nearby, because it was a house, it was a residential

01:07:40.580 area.

01:07:41.300 Next door, sign a Wi-Fi router on 24 hours.

01:07:43.800 Couldn't get the password, though.

01:07:44.860 So, I said, okay, I'm going to do that later.

01:07:46.520 And every once in a while, one of the Taliban members would stick on their Wi-Fi hotspot.

01:07:51.200 And, of course, the password was 12345678.

01:07:54.180 So, I would just enter it, access my emails, and just, like, send an email across, or something

01:08:00.380 like that, to get some information.

01:08:01.560 But my friend, the other one, was just messing me around.

01:08:05.060 That's how I found out some bad stuff.

01:08:07.580 I was told, our British government aren't doing much, you know, and apparently the British

01:08:11.120 government are making demands to the Taliban about women's rights to get us released.

01:08:14.540 I'm like, that's not how leverage works.

01:08:16.240 They're telling them, you can release them if you give women the right to vote.

01:08:21.260 So, I would send them, so, I did, I can't say, I can't say too much here, but I was given

01:08:29.600 a welfare check by the British government.

01:08:31.400 So, the British government flew to some neutral position in Afghanistan.

01:08:34.440 I was driven out there.

01:08:35.480 They looked me over.

01:08:36.880 They were like, do you have water?

01:08:38.020 Do you have free meals a day?

01:08:38.940 I was like, yeah, you know, I've got hot water, cold water, lemonade, Coke, Pepsi, tea, all

01:08:44.960 this other stuff.

01:08:45.840 And, you know, I got takeaway, and they're looking at me like I'm sort of schizophrenic.

01:08:49.060 They're like, this guy's under duress right here.

01:08:51.080 He's making it up.

01:08:52.180 What guys were they then?

01:08:53.400 Huh?

01:08:53.780 What guys are these?

01:08:54.800 These were British government's foreign office.

01:08:56.980 The foreign office?

01:08:57.640 Yeah, they flew out to do a welfare check on all of us.

01:09:00.320 And they were like, oh, the other men that were beforehand, they were not in good spirits.

01:09:04.760 I was like, well, they didn't play their cards right, clearly.

01:09:06.700 Like, I imagine all this training is the SAS, but they just don't know how to talk.

01:09:09.900 Like, it's infuriating.

01:09:12.040 And to be fair, they didn't exactly follow OPSEC, which wasn't too smart, but whatever.

01:09:17.180 But, you know, I'm just like saying, hey, this is good.

01:09:19.880 And, you know, I asked the British, I'm like, hey, what are you doing?

01:09:23.420 And they're like, oh, we're doing it for you.

01:09:24.620 We can.

01:09:24.880 I'm like, yeah, well, actually, though.

01:09:26.840 And I'm like, that sounds like bullshit to me.

01:09:29.020 And, you know, I discussed with them.

01:09:30.360 They're very rude to me.

01:09:31.080 I'm actually being very polite to them.

01:09:32.640 They're kind of rude.

01:09:33.940 When I got out, the former SAS soldier said, yeah, these guys were assholes.

01:09:37.480 Fuck them.

01:09:37.960 I was like, yeah, same.

01:09:39.340 So they were rude to me.

01:09:40.220 And I said, hey, give me, give me.

01:09:41.340 So the foreign office guys were rude to you?

01:09:42.620 Yeah, they were very rude.

01:09:43.580 Why?

01:09:44.280 I don't know.

01:09:44.740 They were just dicks.

01:09:45.520 I was like, hey, I haven't spoken to another English person in person in like five months.

01:09:50.840 Like, you know, I just want some kind words, maybe.

01:09:53.320 Yeah.

01:09:53.500 Would help.

01:09:54.340 And then I demand.

01:09:55.840 And I lose it.

01:09:57.480 And I start going, hey, give me your email.

01:09:59.960 Do you have a business card?

01:10:00.760 They're like, no.

01:10:02.060 I was like, write it down there.

01:10:03.320 What's your email?

01:10:03.820 Tell me.

01:10:04.600 I was commanding them around a little bit.

01:10:07.140 And they would take it back by a bit because I was sick of it.

01:10:10.020 They were very, like, meek.

01:10:11.340 And I found out their email.

01:10:12.780 They wrote it on a piece of paper.

01:10:14.320 The Taliban go, no, you can't have it.

01:10:16.160 But I see it just beforehand.

01:10:17.280 Very generic email.

01:10:18.480 I remember it.

01:10:19.360 I remember it.

01:10:19.860 I go back to Taliban guest house.

01:10:22.420 I go and go on my Gmail.

01:10:25.240 It was Ben Livingstone.

01:10:26.480 I think it was.

01:10:27.060 That was the username.

01:10:28.460 I had an alias.

01:10:30.200 And I looked at this email.

01:10:31.800 I sent a scathing letter to a British foreign office lady.

01:10:34.200 I was like, you should resign.

01:10:35.500 You're not doing your job properly.

01:10:36.880 Maybe you should just go away because I can actually hold the negotiations from here.

01:10:40.700 Hey, maybe you should ask for an Israeli embassy and a beer fountain and a brothel if you want.

01:10:47.500 Because that's just as likely as your demands.

01:10:49.320 What are you doing?

01:10:51.220 You know, if you want me to contact the media, I will do it.

01:10:54.100 You know, you've got a ticking time bomb here.

01:10:56.180 I will not.

01:10:57.760 I will not, you know, play.

01:11:00.840 I will not play the time game because, you know what, my time is precious, blah, blah, blah.

01:11:05.260 I will contact this journalist right here.

01:11:07.560 You have a few days to respond to me.

01:11:09.660 Send.

01:11:09.860 And, of course, I received a message back through my friend, who wasn't my friend, you know.

01:11:15.720 And they were saying, oh, I don't say anything yet.

01:11:17.940 I was like, what?

01:11:18.520 I don't really care.

01:11:19.300 Give me the loop.

01:11:20.020 What's going on?

01:11:20.600 Or else.

01:11:21.200 I was threatening the British government from Taliban prison.

01:11:24.100 And, of course, suddenly things moved a little bit quicker, but not as quick as it should have.

01:11:27.680 And I was like, OK, I need to put the pressure on the British for them to act.

01:11:33.600 Because if it becomes a huge media event, then suddenly their force actually helped me out somewhat.

01:11:39.860 So I was actually, I was on my own section.

01:11:42.520 It wasn't probably, it was a, it was ballsy, but believe how it made sense in my head.

01:11:47.720 Oh, no, sure.

01:11:48.740 They're not doing anything for you.

01:11:50.440 Yeah, I was like, you know, I'm watching this.

01:11:52.820 You know, I could download some books, but again, I was really, really bored.

01:11:56.180 And then at one point, I guessed next to all's Wi-Fi password.

01:11:59.020 It was Salim Khan 2023.

01:12:02.940 And, yeah, don't ask me.

01:12:04.600 How did you guess that?

01:12:05.280 Well, the past, the use, the actual, the actual, the name of the Wi-Fi hub was like Salim Khan something, something else.

01:12:15.080 But it was spelled weirdly, and I just managed to guess it.

01:12:18.020 Or maybe someone, it was a 4am, this happened, by the way.

01:12:20.360 So I'm just doing like 400 checks a day on different iterations of what it could be.

01:12:25.620 So I'm going through this systematically.

01:12:27.500 Maybe someone pressed a Wi-Fi router when I was trying to connect it and went through.

01:12:30.320 No idea.

01:12:30.680 But I get in, and I'm like, holy crap, unrestricted internet access.

01:12:34.240 I can send more than one email.

01:12:35.640 I start downloading like everything I can, every single movie, because I think next door's going to notice.

01:12:40.360 I'm going to need to download as much media for entertainment if I'm going to be here for years.

01:12:44.300 So I fill my hard drive.

01:12:45.460 I get into Discord because I have enough time to fiddle around the computer.

01:12:49.160 And I message your lady.

01:12:51.540 Yeah, messages my girlfriend saying, I'm so sorry about what happened to Andrea.

01:12:58.600 Because you think he's dead.

01:12:59.660 Yeah, I'm like, I'm so sorry.

01:13:01.020 I feel overwhelmed with guilt.

01:13:02.440 Please, I know you cannot forgive me, blah, blah, blah.

01:13:04.500 And she reads that out to me, and I'm like, what, what?

01:13:08.880 What happened to you when you were back home, not knowing what was happening to me?

01:13:14.100 Yeah, I was getting like, I was overwhelmed with guilt.

01:13:18.600 I was having like nightmares every night.

01:13:21.480 Couldn't go to bed because I was thinking Miles was getting whipped and tortured and skinned alive or something.

01:13:27.360 I'll maybe get into that.

01:13:29.660 So, yeah, I was, you know, I was having a pretty bad time.

01:13:34.640 Were you debriefed by intelligence?

01:13:36.900 No, no.

01:13:37.480 So when we arrived in Britain, we tried to find security at the airport.

01:13:42.780 And we told them, we just came back from Afghanistan.

01:13:44.940 We have information about a British citizen who's been detained there.

01:13:48.300 And they tell us, whoa, okay, we need to go check up on that.

01:13:52.640 Guy goes away for a minute, comes back and goes, ah, that's fine, just go home.

01:13:58.280 And that was that.

01:14:00.540 Okay.

01:14:00.740 But yeah, I was having very serious survivor's guilt when I got back.

01:14:08.840 I've, you know, I had a couple spouts where, you know, after my surgery, I was like basically bedridden.

01:14:18.080 And I was giving them all these crazy pain medications.

01:14:20.740 And what they would do is that when I took them, I would become like very, like, like manic.

01:14:28.600 And I'd be like, I need to fly back to Afghanistan now and look for Miles.

01:14:32.580 Now, save Miles.

01:14:33.240 And I'm like bedridden, like I can't do anything.

01:14:35.500 I'm like, I need to go.

01:14:36.340 I need to go.

01:14:38.040 It was crazy.

01:14:39.680 But once Miles got internet access, started texting us.

01:14:44.260 Right.

01:14:45.000 It was pretty funny.

01:14:46.920 Relaxed.

01:14:47.940 Did you retain internet access for a while?

01:14:50.240 It wasn't just one day or whatever?

01:14:51.780 I got three, four months.

01:14:52.840 It was just never turned off.

01:14:53.860 Oh, right.

01:14:54.160 For the duration for the rest of the year.

01:14:56.500 That must have made a world of difference, right?

01:14:58.420 So, yeah.

01:14:59.020 So, I actually made friends with loads of other prisoners.

01:15:02.080 Because at this point, I'm friends with everyone in the compound.

01:15:04.920 They're like, let me walk around the house freely.

01:15:06.680 I go out for tanning sessions outside, you know, order takeaway.

01:15:11.080 They sometimes bring me into the water park and just, you know, we go on slides and stuff.

01:15:14.700 Go to restaurants.

01:15:15.620 They take me out for like burgers and stuff.

01:15:17.640 Honestly, it was kind of lovely.

01:15:18.520 They were like, hey, listen, if you turn out innocent, you can come back.

01:15:22.000 Like, we're very sorry.

01:15:23.100 Just, we'll look after you.

01:15:24.940 Just, you know, you understand from that point of view.

01:15:26.620 I was like, yeah, whatever.

01:15:28.020 Yeah, it makes sense.

01:15:29.200 Stockholm syndrome aside.

01:15:30.200 But, you know, never been to Sweden.

01:15:32.640 Because they must have known then, they must have been quite confident that you're not just a spy.

01:15:38.940 You're not literally an MI6 asset.

01:15:42.140 Well, we didn't.

01:15:42.620 So, why are they keeping you then?

01:15:44.200 Well, about six months in, they actually received a call, which they played back.

01:15:48.380 It came from Denmark or something, saying, hey, Miles is a spy.

01:15:52.540 Look into him more.

01:15:53.600 Hang up.

01:15:54.980 What?

01:15:55.280 And it was some Afghan shouting that at them.

01:15:57.760 What's that about?

01:15:58.640 No idea.

01:15:59.380 We don't know to this day.

01:16:00.340 Some random guy got in contact with the Taliban and just told them, hey.

01:16:03.320 Jesus.

01:16:03.860 Oh, wow.

01:16:04.740 And that prolonged your...

01:16:05.960 Yeah, they were like, wow, that's strange.

01:16:08.440 But, like, we like Miles, but holy crap, we're confusing it, you know.

01:16:12.500 Yeah.

01:16:12.860 And they didn't know what to make of me because I didn't fall into, hey, is he a businessman?

01:16:17.100 Is he a YouTuber?

01:16:17.920 Is he XYZ?

01:16:19.940 Is he a tourist?

01:16:20.460 Like, a bit of everything.

01:16:21.840 So, it was a new thing to them and to the Afghans.

01:16:24.580 Right.

01:16:24.800 You know, they're very straightforward people.

01:16:26.420 They just...

01:16:27.540 They didn't like it too much.

01:16:29.060 Yeah.

01:16:29.240 I started putting pressure on the British government, so I logged into my ex-account,

01:16:34.320 formerly Twitter, and then I was like, okay, well, I can't tweet as myself because then

01:16:38.780 the Taliban would see this because they know my social media, and they'll go, well, Miles

01:16:43.020 is somehow tweeting.

01:16:44.600 We're going to take away his laptop, and that's fine.

01:16:46.040 It's him and gone.

01:16:47.840 And...

01:16:48.280 But I can't...

01:16:49.760 You know, I...

01:16:50.300 Oh, I should be...

01:16:51.200 I should invent a friend and tweet as him as a third person about Miles' situation.

01:16:55.960 Right.

01:16:56.200 And therefore, I can pass on information to the world, show that information is

01:16:59.220 getting out, get into the world media, and then that puts a pressure on the British

01:17:03.140 government to do something and embarrasses them.

01:17:05.580 So, therefore, they're...

01:17:06.560 Because in democracies, you know, you're pressured by the people.

01:17:09.360 So, I was like, okay, I'm going to do that.

01:17:11.340 So, I started posting a lot about updates, and then it really did work because rather

01:17:16.080 quickly I was released.

01:17:17.680 Right.

01:17:18.100 Yes, suddenly something happened, and we were all released from there.

01:17:22.860 Maybe it was just right timing.

01:17:24.080 I have no idea, obviously, but I just didn't know too much.

01:17:29.220 And it also got to the point, too, where I was downloading, like, business documents

01:17:33.040 for...

01:17:33.940 I was like, okay, it's like...

01:17:35.100 Okay, it's like work.

01:17:35.980 I've got to do eight hours of study for wherever I am here, like, learning Pashto and Farsi and,

01:17:41.140 you know, business stuff, and eight hours of relaxing and eight hours of sleep.

01:17:44.700 Okay, that's decent.

01:17:45.660 So, I go with all these business documents, and I'm putting together presentations for

01:17:49.800 the Taliban.

01:17:50.680 So, when they come into my room, you know, just say, oh, how are you doing?

01:17:53.160 I suddenly whip out the laptop and PowerPoint and start, like, yeah, gold and projections,

01:17:58.480 figures.

01:17:59.360 And then they bring me to this presentation room in the main GDI headquarters or whatever.

01:18:05.780 And, again, it's plugged into a projector.

01:18:08.720 I have, like, a little pointing stick, and I'm giving, like, presentations.

01:18:11.920 There's a few ministers turn up, and I'm like, oh, who are you?

01:18:14.280 He's like, oh, I'm the Minister of Tourism.

01:18:15.700 I'm like, oh, I am Lord Mars, slaps his hands, Liam.

01:18:18.860 And it becomes a bit surreal.

01:18:20.740 I'm acting with profound confidence that it's somehow working.

01:18:25.220 And they're like, yeah, Mars, we're actually really interested in this business.

01:18:27.440 If you do come back, God willing, you know, we'll give you everything you need for it.

01:18:32.720 So we're open for business.

01:18:35.100 So sorry about this situation.

01:18:37.480 There's going to be a pink eye again.

01:18:38.720 Uh-oh.

01:18:39.840 But then one day, they just come in, and they take my laptop.

01:18:44.720 I'm like, oh, what's happened now?

01:18:46.620 And one of them said, Wi-Fi?

01:18:48.000 What Wi-Fi?

01:18:48.920 Where's the Wi-Fi?

01:18:50.340 Like, they're arguing with each other over the tweets.

01:18:52.580 So clearly, they have their suspicions.

01:18:54.320 But, you know, they're taking my laptop.

01:18:56.280 I'm like, crap.

01:18:57.360 They're taking my laptop now.

01:18:58.380 Oh, dear.

01:18:59.220 So, again, I'm with these other prisoners.

01:19:01.520 Some of them speak English, some don't.

01:19:03.240 There's some from Turkmenistan and Iran, whatever.

01:19:08.600 And then three days later, I'm just released.

01:19:11.440 And, you know, I get out.

01:19:14.180 And, oh, yeah, you know the MI6 website where you can submit anonymous information?

01:19:18.760 I don't know.

01:19:19.760 No, no.

01:19:21.040 Well, you can go to any, like, intelligence website, submit anonymous information.

01:19:24.180 And I go there and I say, hey, this is Lord Marles in Taliban prison.

01:19:27.540 This is a code I use to identify myself right now.

01:19:30.400 Anyway, rather lovely holiday, but I would prefer to get out.

01:19:34.340 Anyway, when I do get out, please, would you be so kind of having a cheeseburger waiting for me?

01:19:39.040 This is my order right here.

01:19:40.400 Specifically, I added to it each time.

01:19:42.960 You know, I actually pay for it.

01:19:44.300 I've got money with me right now.

01:19:45.540 Lovely holiday.

01:19:46.220 Thank you very much.

01:19:47.260 Tara.

01:19:47.460 And I'm sending this email every week saying, have you now?

01:19:50.660 Mustard.

01:19:51.220 Mustard.

01:19:52.640 Of course, they would probably be wounded.

01:19:54.400 But, you know what?

01:19:55.020 When I got out and arrived in Dubai, there was a cheeseburger waiting for me.

01:19:59.040 It was that order.

01:19:59.860 It was that order I told MI6.

01:20:01.940 Seriously.

01:20:02.120 Beautiful.

01:20:02.720 I piggy-pronged it.

01:20:03.160 How is it waiting for you?

01:20:04.300 What do you mean?

01:20:05.000 Well, there were two members of the British Foreign Office there.

01:20:07.260 Two wonderful ladies.

01:20:08.280 Very, very cute.

01:20:09.480 And so I was like, oh, wonderful.

01:20:10.700 I haven't seen a woman in eight months.

01:20:12.820 And they're like, hey, would you like a burger, Marles?

01:20:15.280 And I was like.

01:20:16.140 So they were paying attention.

01:20:17.900 I think so, yeah.

01:20:18.700 Well, they must have been on some level.

01:20:20.140 It's always passive, you know, because it can't be discovered or whatever.

01:20:22.900 But I didn't tell them any dodgy information.

01:20:25.020 I didn't get in the middle of it.

01:20:26.340 I just said, listen, you know, I'm friendly.

01:20:29.100 I would tell, you know, I would email the Foreign Office.

01:20:31.400 Like, hey, this is what I'm going to do.

01:20:32.700 Then I would email MI6.

01:20:33.880 Like, cheeseburger, please.

01:20:34.640 That's all I said.

01:20:35.480 Cheeseburger.

01:20:36.280 And then when I got out, it had bacon.

01:20:38.280 It had the cheese.

01:20:39.000 It had the exact meat patties I wanted.

01:20:40.780 It had the sauce.

01:20:41.560 It was definitely, it couldn't be a coincidence.

01:20:44.200 And they were laughing about it.

01:20:45.860 And then the other two SAS soldiers were there as well.

01:20:48.760 We'll put it overlay on screen.

01:20:49.880 But one of the Taliban filmed us being released.

01:20:52.540 I run up for camera.

01:20:54.040 And I'm just shouting, oh, I'll be back in three weeks.

01:20:56.380 Lovely holiday.

01:20:57.400 And all the others were like, oh, so depressed.

01:20:59.640 Smaller faces.

01:21:02.260 Yeah.

01:21:03.160 I remember when you were getting out and you messaged me.

01:21:06.340 I'm out.

01:21:07.140 I'm out.

01:21:08.360 And I thought, because Miles kept going to these picnics and to the, like, you know,

01:21:12.500 to the various places with the Taliban, I thought it just meant, oh, I can't talk right now.

01:21:15.980 I'm just, I'm outside of the compound.

01:21:18.040 And then, I think it was on the news or something, that I realized, like, oh, no, he's getting out.

01:21:25.960 He's not out.

01:21:27.180 He's getting out.

01:21:29.020 And I was playing pool.

01:21:30.400 Yeah.

01:21:31.220 The day I was released, the day I was released, I was told the night before, so I didn't sleep all night.

01:21:36.840 Didn't sleep all night.

01:21:38.800 So when I got back to Dubai, it was like, I was up for, like, one and a half days.

01:21:42.780 I'm delirious.

01:21:43.380 I'm eating my cheeseburger.

01:21:44.460 I'm very happy.

01:21:45.000 And we get back to England, and, you know, the flight's paid.

01:21:49.380 I'm like, well, I'm making money at this point.

01:21:50.780 You know, they have to be returned flights.

01:21:53.080 And they don't interrogate me.

01:21:55.600 They don't debrief me.

01:21:56.700 No, nothing.

01:21:57.920 I arrive at...

01:21:58.640 Wouldn't they want to have a conversation?

01:22:00.020 I've had a foreign office, MI5, MI6, someone.

01:22:02.620 Yeah, I thought...

01:22:03.220 The police, special branch.

01:22:04.840 Someone's wanting to have a word with you, no?

01:22:06.420 Once, when I went to South Sudan, I got interrogated by a special branch.

01:22:09.140 This was, like, years ago, right at the beginning of my escapades.

01:22:12.880 But they interrogate me three hours in and out, nothing.

01:22:15.860 I run circles around them.

01:22:16.920 It was really fun.

01:22:17.640 I actually enjoy the interrogations.

01:22:19.760 Because it's...

01:22:20.720 What was it?

01:22:23.420 Oh, God.

01:22:24.120 There's one interrogation method.

01:22:25.480 The name escapes me, but they always use the same one.

01:22:27.860 But they don't do anything.

01:22:30.140 I just get there, and they go,

01:22:31.220 Okay, these two other men, the SAS soldiers,

01:22:34.280 they're going to be in this room right here,

01:22:36.800 and they're going to reunite with their family.

01:22:39.120 But, Miles, you can go.

01:22:40.100 And I'm like,

01:22:41.040 Oh, okay.

01:22:42.220 So I'm wearing, like, Afghan clothing.

01:22:44.540 I'm like,

01:22:44.940 Oh, okay.

01:22:45.380 I'm like,

01:22:45.660 They're like,

01:22:45.920 Hey, do you know how to get home?

01:22:47.000 I was like,

01:22:47.400 Yeah, that way, right?

01:22:48.520 And the train station's there.

01:22:49.520 Like,

01:22:49.640 Oh, yeah, yeah.

01:22:50.740 I'm like,

01:22:51.140 Okay.

01:22:51.740 And they literally just...

01:22:52.460 And I think I messaged you or someone,

01:22:55.020 and I'm like,

01:22:55.360 Hey,

01:22:55.820 Oh, yeah.

01:22:56.100 All my bank cards have obviously been frozen or cancelled

01:22:59.760 because I haven't paid the bill in, like, eight months.

01:23:02.960 I'm like,

01:23:03.100 Uh-oh.

01:23:03.820 Ali,

01:23:04.020 Can you buy me a train ticket?

01:23:04.980 Yeah, mate.

01:23:05.540 Yeah.

01:23:05.860 And I just got back,

01:23:07.480 and then I'm like,

01:23:08.020 Oh, that was strange.

01:23:09.580 I'm like,

01:23:09.840 I'm under surveillance for a while.

01:23:10.980 If I go to the airport again,

01:23:11.940 I'm going to be surveyed.

01:23:13.880 But then I get to...

01:23:15.880 Then I, you know,

01:23:17.320 I spent two days in the UK.

01:23:18.600 Andrew Tate says,

01:23:19.380 Hey, I want to fly out to Romania.

01:23:20.880 Business class.

01:23:21.620 Go on the podcast,

01:23:23.140 but you have a little holiday.

01:23:24.940 I'm like,

01:23:25.540 Yeah, okay.

01:23:26.080 I need to start travelling again.

01:23:27.340 I haven't travelled in a long time now.

01:23:29.440 And then I get to the airport,

01:23:30.380 nothing happens again.

01:23:32.340 To be fair,

01:23:32.900 it makes sense, though.

01:23:33.580 I'm not Muslim.

01:23:35.080 I'm not a security threat.

01:23:36.140 I really cause problems,

01:23:37.820 apart from a little bit of tomfoolery.

01:23:39.900 I imagine the...

01:23:41.080 Except the big headache.

01:23:42.340 That's the only problem that you cause for them.

01:23:44.380 Yeah, apart from two international diplomatic incidents.

01:23:48.080 Yeah.

01:23:48.380 I imagine,

01:23:49.320 I can only imagine

01:23:50.160 that the FCO or SIS or whatever,

01:23:53.520 they get who you are.

01:23:55.800 You are actually like a YouTuber dude

01:23:58.420 trying to make some money,

01:23:59.740 trying to make a name for yourself.

01:24:00.840 Yeah.

01:24:01.180 You're not actually

01:24:02.180 like a triple agent.

01:24:06.940 You're not like, right?

01:24:07.780 You're not actually a worry to me.

01:24:10.240 I'm not Taliban-QI.

01:24:10.920 I'm just playing the war.

01:24:12.040 Yeah, I'm playing the war.

01:24:13.000 4D chess.

01:24:13.880 Yeah.

01:24:14.160 I'm not the Lord of War.

01:24:15.160 I'm Lord Mars.

01:24:15.780 You're actually not playing 4D chess, right?

01:24:17.960 Yeah.

01:24:18.120 And so I guess they...

01:24:19.380 To be fair,

01:24:19.860 I did try and sell...

01:24:20.480 Figure that out.

01:24:21.220 And they're just like, well...

01:24:22.220 Well, I did try and prospect selling weapons

01:24:24.100 from Afghanistan to Ukraine.

01:24:26.160 Heavy weapon?

01:24:27.140 Like full-on armoured vehicles.

01:24:28.680 I was like, hey,

01:24:29.120 they've got loads of Humvees here.

01:24:29.960 Why can't they sell them to the Ukrainians

01:24:31.340 to fund the war?

01:24:32.220 I can make millions.

01:24:32.840 But of course,

01:24:33.240 the Taliban went up for that

01:24:34.240 and I apologise.

01:24:35.000 They were like,

01:24:35.280 ah, we get it.

01:24:35.940 Don't worry about it.

01:24:36.680 Yeah.

01:24:37.120 Yeah.

01:24:37.400 I tried to violate ITAR.

01:24:40.600 Not really.

01:24:41.080 I'm kidding.

01:24:42.460 No, I tried to goof off a little bit.

01:24:44.760 You know, I tried to...

01:24:45.640 If I accomplished,

01:24:46.700 I think the West would have been happy with it.

01:24:48.340 It was just my own idea at this point.

01:24:50.000 No one really cared.

01:24:51.260 It was like a quick idea.

01:24:52.840 The Taliban were like,

01:24:53.560 yeah, whatever.

01:24:55.060 Like, he didn't go through with anything.

01:24:57.160 He was asking around what's possible.

01:24:58.560 And the other stuff,

01:25:00.720 you know,

01:25:00.940 then I went back five weeks later

01:25:03.220 to Afghanistan

01:25:03.880 and, you know,

01:25:05.220 I received so many donations.

01:25:06.540 God, I received like a lot in crypto

01:25:08.540 from, you know,

01:25:10.420 crypto people and donations

01:25:12.100 and, God,

01:25:12.840 I sold loads of Taliban merch

01:25:13.980 because I went on the media.

01:25:14.940 People paid for interviews.

01:25:16.620 I'll tell you about one interview,

01:25:18.400 remember?

01:25:18.840 Oh, yeah.

01:25:19.320 That was a couple.

01:25:19.920 Yeah, that was...

01:25:20.540 Oh, I made it.

01:25:21.720 And, yeah,

01:25:23.080 that was the whole thing.

01:25:24.200 But, God,

01:25:25.200 I was like,

01:25:25.620 hey,

01:25:25.760 I made up the yearly salary

01:25:27.280 in like a week.

01:25:28.560 Wow.

01:25:29.160 It was great.

01:25:29.780 I didn't have to pay for rent

01:25:30.640 for like eight months.

01:25:32.060 Incredible.

01:25:33.300 And then,

01:25:34.360 God,

01:25:34.740 yeah,

01:25:35.220 when I went back to Afghanistan

01:25:36.720 after five weeks,

01:25:37.880 the head of foreign intelligence,

01:25:39.040 he meets me,

01:25:39.780 you know,

01:25:40.280 I'm brought in an armored vehicle

01:25:41.460 to his compound.

01:25:42.460 All the same men.

01:25:43.220 They're like,

01:25:43.380 oh, welcome back, Mars.

01:25:44.200 I'm like,

01:25:44.440 oh, what's up?

01:25:46.020 And they go,

01:25:46.660 why were you here

01:25:48.340 not in three weeks?

01:25:49.400 You said three weeks,

01:25:50.220 but it's five weeks.

01:25:50.980 I said,

01:25:51.200 sorry,

01:25:51.580 MI6 training took so long.

01:25:53.400 My apologies.

01:25:54.080 You know how it is

01:25:54.860 with these agencies.

01:25:56.020 And they're like,

01:25:56.640 oh,

01:25:57.320 it's funny,

01:25:58.060 man.

01:25:59.360 So they've got a sense of humor.

01:26:01.540 So I just,

01:26:02.040 I sprayed it just.

01:26:03.300 But honestly,

01:26:04.980 it works.

01:26:07.300 We had this,

01:26:07.860 we had this interview

01:26:09.140 with this one lady.

01:26:10.480 So,

01:26:10.740 you know,

01:26:11.260 all journalists

01:26:11.920 are like meshing me

01:26:12.980 as I get out.

01:26:13.680 They say,

01:26:13.900 Mars,

01:26:14.360 Mars,

01:26:15.180 you know,

01:26:15.700 we,

01:26:16.020 we want to give you the interview

01:26:17.160 and,

01:26:17.720 you know,

01:26:17.980 oh,

01:26:18.280 we're going to say

01:26:18.800 such good stuff about you.

01:26:19.940 You know,

01:26:20.120 journalists are mostly scutting.

01:26:21.600 Apart from the notice

01:26:22.200 to some of you guys,

01:26:23.080 of course.

01:26:23.720 And they go,

01:26:25.100 you know,

01:26:25.340 Mars,

01:26:26.300 we would love to interview you.

01:26:27.260 These people wrote

01:26:27.820 terrible things about me

01:26:28.660 in the past,

01:26:29.100 just like straight up

01:26:29.960 fake,

01:26:30.480 fake news.

01:26:31.160 And I was like,

01:26:31.720 ah,

01:26:32.480 okay,

01:26:32.900 sure.

01:26:33.180 I'm going to arrive

01:26:33.640 at Birmingham airport

01:26:34.560 at 2 a.m.

01:26:36.620 on a special flight.

01:26:37.800 Be there,

01:26:38.600 be ready.

01:26:39.060 And they're like,

01:26:39.560 okay.

01:26:40.060 And they're all probably

01:26:40.660 waiting outside

01:26:41.240 the arrival terminal at 2 a.m.

01:26:42.640 There's no flight

01:26:43.200 to Birmingham airport

01:26:43.840 or 2 a.m.

01:26:45.320 And,

01:26:45.720 you know,

01:26:46.480 they're waiting there

01:26:47.140 and it's like three hours later

01:26:48.160 and they message me,

01:26:48.740 hey,

01:26:48.920 what's happening,

01:26:49.460 Mars?

01:26:49.640 I've got like five

01:26:50.440 or six of them

01:26:51.020 on the ropes.

01:26:52.260 And I go,

01:26:52.620 oh,

01:26:52.880 geez,

01:26:53.160 man,

01:26:53.340 they're keeping me

01:26:53.860 special branch,

01:26:54.480 they're talking to me.

01:26:55.540 But you know what?

01:26:56.540 If you wait another hour,

01:26:57.800 I'm going to be there.

01:26:58.580 I'm going to be there.

01:26:59.200 And I'm going to speak to you.

01:26:59.960 You're my top guy.

01:27:00.940 I love you.

01:27:01.600 You're going to get the soup.

01:27:02.480 You're going to get the soup.

01:27:03.200 You're my favorite journalist.

01:27:04.820 Two hours later goes by

01:27:05.840 and we're like,

01:27:06.640 what's happening,

01:27:07.160 Mars?

01:27:07.260 I was like,

01:27:08.000 Jesus,

01:27:08.880 five more minutes,

01:27:09.800 five more minutes.

01:27:10.220 I've got photos and videos for you.

01:27:12.400 I've got photos and videos.

01:27:13.560 And I'm like,

01:27:13.800 okay.

01:27:14.420 And eventually,

01:27:15.420 I'd send a message like,

01:27:16.280 ha ha,

01:27:16.800 you know,

01:27:17.540 like I arrived at Gatwick

01:27:20.020 or something.

01:27:20.740 So they're just waiting there.

01:27:21.980 I'm just sitting at home

01:27:22.720 laughing to myself.

01:27:23.900 Good one,

01:27:24.340 yeah.

01:27:24.480 And then this one lady,

01:27:25.480 she promised me like 20k

01:27:27.060 for exclusive,

01:27:28.260 which just makes sense.

01:27:29.100 It's like,

01:27:29.340 oh yeah,

01:27:29.720 20k for the story of,

01:27:31.360 you know,

01:27:32.040 Lord Mars in Kabul.

01:27:33.160 I'm like,

01:27:33.340 yeah,

01:27:33.500 okay.

01:27:34.180 And then,

01:27:34.700 of course,

01:27:35.160 the Israel-Palestine thing

01:27:36.320 happens like that,

01:27:37.260 a week.

01:27:37.720 So she's like,

01:27:38.080 oh,

01:27:38.300 you know,

01:27:38.940 budget's gone down a little bit.

01:27:40.100 So sorry,

01:27:40.560 Miles.

01:27:40.820 I go,

01:27:41.120 okay,

01:27:41.340 how much are you offering?

01:27:43.380 200 pounds.

01:27:44.660 Fuck off.

01:27:45.460 Like,

01:27:45.700 you,

01:27:46.200 you,

01:27:46.260 you,

01:27:46.880 you,

01:27:47.060 you.

01:27:47.540 I'm like,

01:27:48.000 I'm not fucking scared of the time.

01:27:49.060 I'm not scared of you.

01:27:50.240 I'm like,

01:27:50.880 I'm like,

01:27:51.640 okay,

01:27:51.840 we'll just do it.

01:27:52.400 I go with someone else.

01:27:53.320 Then we do an interview with her

01:27:54.500 and she takes us out.

01:27:56.000 Where'd she take us in London?

01:27:57.000 Some nice.

01:27:58.440 Some sort of social club.

01:28:00.040 Yeah,

01:28:00.400 some London club or whatever.

01:28:02.540 She tells us that

01:28:03.340 she used to work in Afghanistan

01:28:04.800 as a news reporter

01:28:06.020 and she's lost her job

01:28:07.380 because she's like,

01:28:08.680 very anti-Taliban

01:28:09.460 and she went to Afghanistan

01:28:10.640 recently to report

01:28:11.620 on women's rights

01:28:12.500 and of course,

01:28:13.440 she started tweeting

01:28:14.120 terrible stuff about the Taliban

01:28:15.580 as soon as she arrived.

01:28:17.020 And of course,

01:28:17.400 they were like,

01:28:17.700 yeah,

01:28:17.900 well,

01:28:18.040 get the fuck out of the country.

01:28:19.120 What are you doing here?

01:28:20.480 They just pulled her back.

01:28:22.800 Yeah,

01:28:22.920 but she tried to make it out

01:28:24.280 like it was some sort of like,

01:28:25.380 story rivaling Miles's.

01:28:28.640 Like,

01:28:28.720 she was,

01:28:29.140 they came to me in my hotel,

01:28:31.980 told me to pack my things

01:28:33.260 and then took me to the airport

01:28:34.940 and that was her story

01:28:37.220 of being,

01:28:37.800 you know,

01:28:38.000 the reporter fighting

01:28:41.020 against the,

01:28:41.980 you know,

01:28:42.540 against the establishment

01:28:43.600 of the Taliban.

01:28:44.820 It's a straight up car ride

01:28:46.500 to the airport.

01:28:47.340 Yeah,

01:28:47.360 it's not the right bad stuff.

01:28:49.380 You can change your name

01:28:50.360 in England

01:28:50.720 for a deep hole really easily.

01:28:52.000 I have several aliases

01:28:53.000 and trust me,

01:28:54.540 like,

01:28:54.780 she could have changed her name,

01:28:56.040 gone to Afghanistan

01:28:56.760 and then published her story

01:28:58.520 three months later

01:28:59.180 and they wouldn't make

01:28:59.700 the connection,

01:29:00.400 you know?

01:29:00.820 Publish her own different name

01:29:01.840 but no,

01:29:02.420 she was,

01:29:03.420 she was a journalist

01:29:04.040 who's been working,

01:29:05.220 she was like 50 as well

01:29:06.140 so she's been doing this

01:29:07.040 for a long time

01:29:07.680 and clearly,

01:29:08.980 like,

01:29:09.160 she did something wrong

01:29:09.880 so she got deported,

01:29:11.060 she had no job now,

01:29:11.920 she's like,

01:29:12.240 I don't have any savings

01:29:13.040 and no one wants to hire me

01:29:14.840 and she was like,

01:29:16.320 how's your financial situation?

01:29:17.700 What was your suffering?

01:29:18.380 I was like,

01:29:18.600 no,

01:29:18.880 everything's really great.

01:29:20.260 I've got so much more business,

01:29:21.160 Taliban merchants through the roof,

01:29:22.380 she's just,

01:29:22.920 eyes twitching,

01:29:23.680 gets nervous.

01:29:24.060 Very bitter.

01:29:25.220 Yeah.

01:29:25.460 So bitter.

01:29:26.320 Yeah.

01:29:26.740 And she does this interrogation,

01:29:27.840 she's trying to be professional

01:29:28.880 and she publishes the article,

01:29:31.340 what's it like?

01:29:32.100 That was dry.

01:29:33.740 Yeah,

01:29:33.940 it was like,

01:29:34.600 it was like,

01:29:35.460 the Hitler of Afghanistan,

01:29:37.580 Lord Marles,

01:29:38.660 this,

01:29:39.340 I get it,

01:29:41.140 I get it,

01:29:41.560 she doesn't like me

01:29:42.280 and I just started posting about it,

01:29:44.440 like the insult she writes,

01:29:45.760 I would quote it

01:29:46.880 and be like,

01:29:47.340 so true,

01:29:48.360 this is real.

01:29:49.400 And I'm like,

01:29:49.760 wow,

01:29:50.020 I like Marles Moore now.

01:29:52.020 We just had to find people.

01:29:53.140 She ended up deleting the article

01:29:54.460 after like a week.

01:29:55.360 Yeah,

01:29:55.680 it was that bad.

01:29:56.800 It was like,

01:29:57.200 yeah,

01:29:57.620 she wiped it.

01:29:58.880 She was saying,

01:29:59.360 it's the article,

01:29:59.980 they'll bring me back.

01:30:00.960 Yeah,

01:30:01.340 yeah,

01:30:01.480 she was saying that to us,

01:30:02.820 yeah.

01:30:04.020 It was funny.

01:30:05.040 Yeah,

01:30:05.160 this is going to make me my money,

01:30:06.500 I can finally stay in London

01:30:08.060 and launch my career.

01:30:10.300 So now then,

01:30:11.160 you're still,

01:30:11.680 you're cool with the regime,

01:30:13.520 basically,

01:30:13.660 you can go back whenever

01:30:14.640 and you mentioned you actually,

01:30:16.940 they gave you a flat.

01:30:18.100 Oh yeah,

01:30:18.300 they were like,

01:30:19.080 hey Marles,

01:30:19.520 you know,

01:30:20.360 what's holding you back

01:30:21.620 from coming to Afghanistan?

01:30:22.520 More.

01:30:23.100 They're like,

01:30:23.380 please come more.

01:30:24.220 And I was like,

01:30:25.000 hotels are kind of expensive

01:30:26.080 because they've got these weird

01:30:27.360 compound situations

01:30:28.360 for you in a,

01:30:29.440 you know,

01:30:29.760 taking up all the hotels

01:30:30.920 or whatever.

01:30:31.780 And so things are really expensive now.

01:30:33.580 And,

01:30:33.960 and I was like,

01:30:34.540 they were like,

01:30:34.820 hey,

01:30:34.940 we'll give you an apartment.

01:30:35.900 Like we've got loads of vacant houses,

01:30:38.540 decent condition.

01:30:39.840 Here you go,

01:30:40.300 it's worth like,

01:30:41.020 it's worth like 15,000.

01:30:42.220 I'm like,

01:30:42.580 oh,

01:30:42.820 thank you very much.

01:30:44.180 And it's probably bugged to help.

01:30:45.340 I don't care.

01:30:46.140 Like sometimes I'm in the room,

01:30:47.160 I just go,

01:30:48.080 oh,

01:30:48.300 pipe bomb airport.

01:30:50.020 You know,

01:30:50.220 stuff like that.

01:30:50.860 Like my phone's bugged too.

01:30:57.060 I guarantee it.

01:30:57.760 But I just sometimes go,

01:30:59.220 all true British militias go to Downing Street right now.

01:31:03.000 Like again,

01:31:03.520 nothing happens.

01:31:04.820 Yeah.

01:31:05.140 Like,

01:31:05.420 I've started exporting loads of Taliban merch,

01:31:07.480 Taliban headbands,

01:31:08.460 flags,

01:31:09.380 pins,

01:31:10.100 all this,

01:31:11.140 9-11 rugs.

01:31:12.540 You know,

01:31:13.600 I've got the Taliban to sign my sneakers

01:31:15.300 as I was being released.

01:31:17.000 And those sold for 2,000 pounds.

01:31:18.500 It was great.

01:31:19.120 Right.

01:31:19.620 And I was like,

01:31:20.180 yeah.

01:31:20.360 And I called up all my bank accounts

01:31:22.080 and I was like,

01:31:22.660 hey,

01:31:22.880 Amex,

01:31:24.160 funny story.

01:31:25.020 You haven't heard this excuse before.

01:31:26.660 Listen,

01:31:27.120 I was in Taliban prison

01:31:28.060 and I actually told the Taliban,

01:31:30.300 I'm worried about my credit score,

01:31:31.720 which I actually was.

01:31:32.380 That's what I complained about sometimes.

01:31:34.340 But,

01:31:34.720 you know,

01:31:35.040 I tried to pay my bill,

01:31:36.200 but sadly,

01:31:37.260 I couldn't because I didn't have my card

01:31:38.820 whilst in Taliban custody.

01:31:39.980 And they were like,

01:31:40.640 yeah,

01:31:40.840 yeah,

01:31:41.060 lovely story.

01:31:41.860 Google my name.

01:31:43.140 And they were like,

01:31:43.760 oh,

01:31:43.980 okay.

01:31:44.960 Oh,

01:31:45.740 so sorry,

01:31:46.160 let me put you on hold 10 minutes later.

01:31:48.400 Lord Mars,

01:31:49.000 my deepest apologies about your situation.

01:31:51.060 The account has been reinstated

01:31:52.100 and you owe us no money.

01:31:53.540 Your deficit has been wiped.

01:31:55.620 Like the money I did actually owe,

01:31:57.360 minus,

01:31:57.920 you know,

01:31:58.120 not even the interest,

01:31:59.060 the actual money I spent on the card,

01:32:00.500 like 200 pounds or whatever,

01:32:01.640 each month.

01:32:02.480 Just gone.

01:32:03.940 Same with my bank.

01:32:05.720 God,

01:32:06.000 I had an overdraft of like,

01:32:07.400 up to,

01:32:07.880 I think it was like 5,000 or 10,000 pounds

01:32:09.500 that's available to me.

01:32:10.940 And of course,

01:32:12.100 things were coming out of the account,

01:32:13.240 but things weren't going in.

01:32:14.520 So the account was frozen from things going into the account,

01:32:17.200 but not going out for some reason.

01:32:19.020 So I was in like negative 5,000 when I got back.

01:32:22.120 And I was like,

01:32:22.560 how did that happen?

01:32:24.480 I had money in my investment account,

01:32:25.860 but everything else was screwed.

01:32:26.960 I was in the red.

01:32:28.260 And I called up Nell West,

01:32:29.500 like,

01:32:29.740 hey,

01:32:30.040 my deepest apologies about this crazy situation.

01:32:33.420 Again,

01:32:33.780 they found it real funny.

01:32:34.900 I put on a very posh accent at the time.

01:32:36.880 I was like,

01:32:37.060 ooh,

01:32:37.520 oh dear,

01:32:37.840 it was lovely,

01:32:38.260 hardy,

01:32:38.620 ho ho.

01:32:39.560 I'm like,

01:32:40.120 oh yes,

01:32:41.300 well,

01:32:41.520 what do you do for a living?

01:32:42.260 I'm like,

01:32:42.580 ooh,

01:32:42.800 I can't discuss that,

01:32:43.840 but I was arrested with some SES soldiers,

01:32:46.260 so you can only imagine.

01:32:47.640 It's very above board.

01:32:48.500 He said,

01:32:48.680 I'm not in jail,

01:32:49.340 so it's obviously nothing dodgy.

01:32:50.400 You don't understand this.

01:32:51.440 And they're like,

01:32:52.200 oh,

01:32:52.500 we catch you,

01:32:52.980 we catch you.

01:32:53.680 I was just joking that I work as a spy.

01:32:56.260 Because I was like,

01:32:56.860 it might get me somewhere.

01:32:57.960 And they were like,

01:32:58.360 yeah,

01:32:58.520 we're wiping your account.

01:32:59.180 My deepest apologies about this.

01:33:00.880 Like,

01:33:01.040 I just played this game of,

01:33:03.340 there's some people I'm going to hint that I'm a spy

01:33:05.220 to get out of any trouble that this has caused me.

01:33:09.220 So if anything,

01:33:09.780 it kind of worked in my favour.

01:33:11.160 I do find it surprising that they didn't want to,

01:33:14.860 they didn't want to speak to you at all.

01:33:16.740 Yeah,

01:33:17.180 no,

01:33:17.360 I thought that too.

01:33:18.000 And to this day,

01:33:18.860 they still haven't.

01:33:19.620 No,

01:33:19.900 no,

01:33:20.080 no,

01:33:20.240 nothing.

01:33:20.480 No one's actually asked you about anything.

01:33:22.760 I think on my eighth trip back to Afghanistan,

01:33:24.740 I got a 40 kilogram suitcase full of Taliban merch,

01:33:28.820 like packed,

01:33:29.620 like stuffed.

01:33:30.500 When I left Afghanistan,

01:33:31.520 they opened up the Taliban airport security.

01:33:34.420 They looked at it and went,

01:33:35.240 oh,

01:33:35.520 Marshall,

01:33:35.880 good,

01:33:36.200 good,

01:33:36.380 no problem.

01:33:37.320 And when I get back to London,

01:33:38.780 it feels like Luton or something.

01:33:40.320 And I go,

01:33:42.040 okay,

01:33:42.240 well,

01:33:42.500 there's something to declare,

01:33:43.540 something not to declare.

01:33:45.140 Okay,

01:33:45.520 well,

01:33:45.720 this is commercial goods technically.

01:33:47.560 I should declare it.

01:33:48.800 Maybe they'll try and cause problems for me.

01:33:50.580 Maybe they look for some issue.

01:33:53.140 That I'm causing.

01:33:54.260 And they'll finally throw a book at me.

01:33:55.640 They're trying to build a case.

01:33:56.540 Maybe,

01:33:56.780 maybe it's a longterm plan.

01:33:57.680 I don't know.

01:33:58.400 I don't know.

01:33:59.240 You know,

01:33:59.440 if I'm causing problems,

01:34:00.440 maybe it's one of me out of the way.

01:34:02.300 So I went to the something declare counter.

01:34:05.400 There's no one there.

01:34:06.240 It was quite early in the morning.

01:34:07.340 I press the little button and the lady comes.

01:34:10.380 She's like,

01:34:10.600 Oh,

01:34:10.820 where'd you come from?

01:34:11.520 Dubai.

01:34:11.820 I'm like,

01:34:12.120 Oh yes,

01:34:12.500 but I came from Afghanistan.

01:34:13.560 She's like,

01:34:13.860 what?

01:34:14.780 Oh,

01:34:15.460 we came through Dubai.

01:34:16.820 So you just got some cigarettes and alcohol to declare.

01:34:19.940 Not quite.

01:34:21.180 Unzip.

01:34:22.220 40 kilograms of Taliban merch.

01:34:23.760 It's like,

01:34:24.000 yeah,

01:34:24.100 it's a huge bag.

01:34:24.840 And she's like,

01:34:25.320 Oh,

01:34:25.880 you can see it pressed this emergency button,

01:34:27.560 the special branch underneath the desk.

01:34:30.040 And she's like,

01:34:30.340 can you wait there for a moment?

01:34:31.360 I was like,

01:34:31.740 Oh,

01:34:31.940 I guess so.

01:34:32.860 And no one comes.

01:34:33.940 No one comes.

01:34:34.740 Really?

01:34:35.180 Yeah.

01:34:35.400 She goes,

01:34:35.940 she,

01:34:36.240 she picks up a phone and she makes a call and she's like,

01:34:38.840 you know,

01:34:39.000 keep it private.

01:34:39.960 And she's looking through it all.

01:34:41.280 I was like,

01:34:41.520 yeah,

01:34:41.700 yeah,

01:34:41.800 I've got the,

01:34:42.460 I've got the seats for it.

01:34:43.460 She's like,

01:34:43.600 where'd you pick this up?

01:34:44.560 Taliban in Kabul.

01:34:45.560 They were like,

01:34:46.340 what?

01:34:46.680 I was like,

01:34:46.960 yeah,

01:34:47.120 they're my friends.

01:34:47.700 Google me.

01:34:48.180 She's like,

01:34:48.520 no.

01:34:49.700 And she's like,

01:34:50.040 you're Muslim.

01:34:50.880 I was like,

01:34:51.240 no,

01:34:52.120 Christian,

01:34:59.460 it's not sanctioned.

01:35:01.940 Okay.

01:35:02.680 Well,

01:35:03.160 special friends,

01:35:03.720 you've got to come speak with you.

01:35:04.940 Just,

01:35:05.140 just wait here.

01:35:06.120 And we wait half an hour.

01:35:07.500 No one comes.

01:35:08.100 Well,

01:35:08.380 we've got no one on shift.

01:35:09.440 It seems one of the busiest airports in Europe.

01:35:12.720 No one's on shift.

01:35:13.540 No one's on shift in case there's a terrorist.

01:35:15.640 Yeah.

01:35:15.940 No one,

01:35:16.360 no one's on shift.

01:35:17.020 They probably ran my,

01:35:18.040 they just asked my passport details.

01:35:19.620 Maybe they ran my name.

01:35:20.640 Yeah.

01:35:20.960 I don't know.

01:35:21.840 Like,

01:35:22.060 whatever.

01:35:22.680 Interesting.

01:35:23.320 Yeah.

01:35:23.340 There's no QRA or anything.

01:35:24.580 So,

01:35:25.060 so they're like,

01:35:26.680 okay,

01:35:27.000 well,

01:35:27.820 what's your address?

01:35:28.600 We're going to come visit you.

01:35:29.700 I'll give you a address.

01:35:30.860 I'm like,

01:35:31.040 okay,

01:35:31.240 what's this address here?

01:35:32.760 They're like,

01:35:33.040 okay,

01:35:33.960 sure.

01:35:34.300 So I go back and I go,

01:35:35.140 well,

01:35:35.260 I'm going to sell this quite soon though.

01:35:36.400 So if you want to raid my place,

01:35:37.500 please do it soon.

01:35:39.140 But like,

01:35:39.720 like you knock on the door,

01:35:40.540 I don't want my door busted down.

01:35:41.560 My landlord's going to be pissed off.

01:35:42.900 Yeah.

01:35:43.440 No,

01:35:43.720 you ended up calling them asking when they're going to come raid your house.

01:35:47.700 Yeah.

01:35:47.980 So it's like three days in,

01:35:49.220 I've sold half a merchandise and I'm just like tied up a room.

01:35:52.800 I've even put like a welcome message.

01:35:54.360 I say,

01:35:54.600 Hey,

01:35:55.120 knock twice.

01:35:55.880 I'll open the door.

01:35:58.600 I leave like little messages.

01:35:59.900 I even have like some tea ready for them.

01:36:02.660 Like I've set up like the kettle and I call up,

01:36:05.840 I call up like the counter-terrorism hotline or something.

01:36:09.240 I'm like,

01:36:09.380 Hey,

01:36:09.580 um,

01:36:10.200 you know,

01:36:10.360 you guys are meant to raid my place and I'm going to fly out soon to,

01:36:13.000 um,

01:36:13.640 Sudan or something.

01:36:14.400 Can you,

01:36:14.680 can you like hurry up please?

01:36:15.640 Like,

01:36:15.820 it's kind of inconvenient.

01:36:17.280 Like,

01:36:17.620 you know,

01:36:18.080 if you have to do it,

01:36:18.880 these are my working hours.

01:36:19.900 This is why I'm going to be home.

01:36:21.200 Uh,

01:36:21.400 I've actually left a key under the doormat.

01:36:22.920 So if you know,

01:36:23.620 you can use that and they're like,

01:36:25.420 uh,

01:36:25.660 okay,

01:36:26.020 let me call you back.

01:36:27.280 Let's call you back like half a day later.

01:36:28.560 No,

01:36:28.740 it won't be necessary.

01:36:29.340 You're all good.

01:36:30.060 Hang on.

01:36:32.140 Yeah.

01:36:32.620 Yeah.

01:36:33.020 Because I'm not fair.

01:36:34.020 I'm not.

01:36:34.900 Imagine from,

01:36:35.720 from the perspective of like,

01:36:36.900 uh,

01:36:37.460 someone who works in intelligence.

01:36:38.880 Yeah.

01:36:39.280 Like Miles would be a treasure trove.

01:36:41.680 He spent all this time with all these like high ranking guys that no one's been able to talk to or get

01:36:47.280 Yeah.

01:36:47.460 They haven't got recent.

01:36:48.300 Or identified.

01:36:48.740 So that's what I would have thought.

01:36:50.720 You're personally not a worry.

01:36:53.120 But he's a treasure trove.

01:36:54.680 But it's,

01:36:55.280 but it's,

01:36:55.820 yeah,

01:36:55.960 you might not be a worry,

01:36:56.860 but you surely you've got interesting things,

01:36:59.520 interesting bits of knowledge for them.

01:37:01.360 Surely.

01:37:01.960 You know,

01:37:02.260 in 2019,

01:37:04.100 when I was in university,

01:37:05.060 I tried to join the British army twice.

01:37:07.380 Uh,

01:37:07.940 I wanted to join,

01:37:08.720 uh,

01:37:09.000 Marines and I wanted to possibly join the reserve.

01:37:11.900 So I submitted everything,

01:37:13.500 but it was during COVID of course,

01:37:14.840 or was it 2020?

01:37:16.680 So sometimes during COVID,

01:37:18.800 I mean,

01:37:19.160 the submission,

01:37:19.800 they say,

01:37:20.040 I'll be in touch with you in three days.

01:37:21.660 They never got in contact with me because it was,

01:37:23.600 you know,

01:37:24.020 um,

01:37:24.440 it was,

01:37:25.520 you know,

01:37:26.020 peak COVID and no one was taking applications.

01:37:28.340 So maybe they just don't want me,

01:37:29.700 you know,

01:37:29.980 I mean,

01:37:30.580 two or three applications and they don't want me or whatever.

01:37:33.560 I'm not going to keep following it up.

01:37:35.100 And then,

01:37:35.760 so they probably looked at this like,

01:37:37.060 Hey,

01:37:37.240 you still want to be British army.

01:37:38.720 He's a nationalist.

01:37:40.240 He's Christian Catholic.

01:37:42.440 And he's like friends with a head of foreign intelligence,

01:37:45.820 all these ministers.

01:37:46.960 And he's been to Afghanistan like 10 times.

01:37:48.800 And he speaks a decent amount of Pashto and Farsi.

01:37:52.120 Huh?

01:37:52.600 And they don't even think to ask.

01:37:54.220 No,

01:37:54.540 you could ask.

01:37:55.440 They don't.

01:37:55.840 Hit me up.

01:37:56.520 I'm kidding.

01:37:57.120 Tell them I'm watching this.

01:37:58.080 I'm kidding.

01:37:59.100 I'm joking.

01:37:59.920 They had the chance.

01:38:01.120 They blew it.

01:38:01.880 They blew it.

01:38:02.620 They have to pay me $20 this time.

01:38:06.260 Two burgers.

01:38:07.320 Two burgers.

01:38:07.600 Okay,

01:38:08.040 well,

01:38:08.660 we've got to,

01:38:09.160 uh,

01:38:09.820 got to draw it to a close there.

01:38:11.260 I'm afraid chaps,

01:38:12.120 but it's been very,

01:38:12.740 very interesting conversation.

01:38:14.360 We really appreciated it.

01:38:15.560 Yeah.

01:38:16.060 We could keep going.

01:38:17.080 We probably only mentioned like a quarter.

01:38:19.600 We didn't mention.

01:38:20.560 I know you've got loads.

01:38:21.880 I know you've got loads more stories.

01:38:23.680 Well,

01:38:23.800 next time you're back,

01:38:24.960 we'll have you in again.

01:38:25.820 I'll talk to you about more stuff.

01:38:26.840 Thank you.

01:38:27.320 Well,

01:38:27.420 I'm popping back to Afghanistan in a week and a half.

01:38:29.500 Um,

01:38:30.240 the gold mine is happening by the way.

01:38:32.060 Uh,

01:38:32.340 big announcements happening in January or February.

01:38:34.440 If all goes to plan so far.

01:38:35.840 Okay.

01:38:36.380 Big announcements.

01:38:37.520 Cool.

01:38:37.940 Yeah.

01:38:38.340 Yeah.

01:38:38.840 I'm under an NDA for some things,

01:38:40.400 but very good.

01:38:41.540 All right.

01:38:41.920 Thank you very much.

01:38:43.000 Cheers.

01:38:43.540 Thank you very much.

01:38:45.360 All right.

01:38:47.020 So until next time,

01:38:48.740 I hope you enjoyed that.

01:38:50.040 Take care.

01:38:50.700 Bye-bye.

01:38:50.980 Bye-bye.

01:38:51.040 Bye-bye.

01:38:51.180 Bye-bye.

01:38:51.540 Bye-bye.

01:38:52.040 Bye-bye.

01:38:52.980 Bye-bye.

01:38:53.040 Bye-bye.

01:38:53.540 Bye-bye.

01:38:55.040 Bye-bye.

01:38:55.100 Bye-bye.

01:38:56.040 Bye-bye.

01:38:57.040 Bye-bye.

01:38:58.040 Bye-bye.

01:38:59.040 Bye-bye.

01:39:00.040 Bye-bye.

01:39:01.040 Bye-bye.

01:39:02.040 Bye-bye.

01:39:03.040 Bye-bye.

01:39:04.040 Bye-bye.

01:39:04.920 Bye-bye.

01:39:08.840 Bye-bye.

The Podcast of the Lotus Eaters - December 16, 2024

Interview with Miles Routledge and Adrian Wojcik

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