The Roseanne Barr Podcast - Absolutely Fabulous w⧸ Shannon Hughey

00:00:00.260 Greetings, earthlings and rose anarchists and animals who are smarter than any humans.

00:00:08.920 You know, today's just going to be a day where we just bullshit around and talk about what's going on in the world.

00:00:17.220 Try to have something light instead of all the darkness that I, you know, I'm obsessed with.

00:00:22.820 Yeah, you need a break.

00:00:23.780 Yeah, I need a break and so does everybody else in the world today.

00:00:27.620 Plus, my genius girlfriend, Shannon's in town and I always take a break from darkness when Shannon's around because she really knows how to be happy, which is really something genius.

00:00:44.400 Welcome to the Roseanne Barr Podcast.

00:00:52.040 Well, here we are back with Shannon.

00:00:55.780 Hi, Shannon.

00:00:56.560 Hi, honey.

00:00:58.180 Third time.

00:00:59.260 Third time.

00:01:00.060 Three is a term.

00:01:01.460 Yeah, three is a term.

00:01:02.620 Well, we certainly did have fun, didn't we?

00:01:05.220 We've been together for about a week.

00:01:07.180 Has it been a week?

00:01:08.580 Well, I got here on Friday and it's Wednesday.

00:01:12.400 You have no concept of time.

00:01:13.920 No, I don't.

00:01:15.040 Well, that's because she's always on her computer looking at doom and gloom and doom scrolling.

00:01:18.700 So that's why I'm glad you came.

00:01:19.940 Yeah, I'm not doom scrolling.

00:01:21.880 I'm like trying to weigh, you know, I'm trying to weigh what's happening and glean a way of looking at it to roll it back on itself with words.

00:01:34.380 I'm doing a lot of mental acuity work, you know?

00:01:39.280 I have the weight of the world on my shoulders.

00:01:43.520 It's up to me to save everything.

00:01:45.540 I mean, I really do feel that way sometimes.

00:01:47.880 Yeah, you did that podcast.

00:01:49.120 You talked about Candace Owens.

00:01:50.880 You got in a little backlash for that.

00:01:54.140 I got backlash for that?

00:01:55.880 Oh, yeah.

00:01:56.680 Just because I said she's a monster.

00:01:58.560 Yeah, and you apologized to her, which was really nice.

00:02:01.560 I did?

00:02:02.580 Yeah.

00:02:03.540 You did.

00:02:03.900 You told me to say that you were sorry and you only prayed against her, but you didn't really want to hit her.

00:02:08.640 Oh, yeah.

00:02:09.220 I did apologize for her saying I was going to slap her like a bitch.

00:02:12.800 Yeah.

00:02:13.040 That is not true because I never go outside.

00:02:16.660 But I would never take a violent act towards anyone.

00:02:20.860 Like when I said I'd slap Nancy Pelosi, that's just all allegory or what have you.

00:02:26.700 Or me.

00:02:27.260 You've said it to me all the time.

00:02:28.140 I know.

00:02:28.680 I always say I'll slap people.

00:02:30.520 But I never will really slap people, so I did apologize for that.

00:02:35.080 Yeah.

00:02:35.560 But, you know, I just will pray that God opens her eyes and she sees what the hell kind of projection she's up to.

00:02:47.660 Hey, man, whatever it is.

00:02:48.920 But it ain't good, whatever it is.

00:02:50.420 We're done talking.

00:02:51.240 We're going to take a break from the impending World War III, like you said, this week.

00:02:55.160 Shannon's here.

00:02:56.560 Shannon doesn't even know nothing about the world at all.

00:02:59.580 I do.

00:03:00.260 Well, she knows what's important.

00:03:01.800 She knows us weekly.

00:03:03.600 She keeps me.

00:03:04.860 No, no, no.

00:03:05.720 She keeps me informed of the real world.

00:03:07.240 I was gone for a month.

00:03:08.800 I went to Italy and then I did a job in Charleston, South Carolina.

00:03:12.780 And I didn't see the news for one month.

00:03:16.120 I didn't know anything was going on.

00:03:19.020 I just was living my life.

00:03:20.760 Did that feel any different to you than your regular life?

00:03:23.380 But I didn't have any drugs or booze with me.

00:03:28.840 My friends, no one drank except a bottle of wine at dinner, which I mean.

00:03:36.400 That must have been hard.

00:03:37.500 No, it was okay.

00:03:38.580 It was good.

00:03:42.480 You know, I just took a break from everything.

00:03:44.900 The news, the drugs, the sex, the alcohol, all the stuff that matters.

00:03:51.640 That's the stuff most people do on vacation.

00:03:53.860 But that's your normal life.

00:03:55.040 So when you go on vacation, you act like a normal person.

00:03:56.920 That's hilarious.

00:03:57.560 I didn't know what was going to happen because I was asked to go, all expenses paid, and I

00:04:05.500 didn't know the two other people.

00:04:07.060 One was a lib.

00:04:09.420 And I got in a fight with her, I told you.

00:04:13.060 She started talking about Hamas and stuff and the Gaza Strip.

00:04:18.280 And I go, they should think out of the box and do what Trump said and make it all into

00:04:22.920 a beachfront community.

00:04:24.260 And everyone can have a beautiful place to live and jobs.

00:04:28.100 And she goes, how dare you?

00:04:32.020 That's their homes.

00:04:33.860 And that's their land.

00:04:35.240 And I said, it's a pile of rubble.

00:04:38.620 And then the girl in the car, we're in like a cab all together tight.

00:04:43.900 She's texting me, stop fighting with her.

00:04:49.480 That's awesome.

00:04:50.360 But you did go to the Vatican and you were impressed, right?

00:04:54.540 Because you had never been to Rome before?

00:04:57.480 No, I went with Marco when I was 33 and now I was 64.

00:05:05.720 Do the math.

00:05:07.700 But those ladies were all really rich, right?

00:05:11.000 Mm-hmm.

00:05:11.340 And didn't they go buy in Gucci and all that stuff?

00:05:15.680 Yeah.

00:05:16.240 And they wanted to go to Gucci.

00:05:18.540 And I'm like, can I just go to Zara and H&M?

00:05:21.460 And they're like, they're all like standing in the corner with their arms folded.

00:05:28.440 Did you go with them into Gucci and look at all that stuff?

00:05:31.260 I went into Gucci and saw that they had a Gucci museum and they were shopping.

00:05:36.180 And I went to the Gucci museum.

00:05:37.660 You didn't even see what was for sale over there?

00:05:41.120 I can't afford Gucci.

00:05:42.280 Well, don't you want to look at it?

00:05:44.300 I can't afford it neither, but I like to look at it.

00:05:47.260 Plus none of it fits me.

00:05:49.080 You have that Gucci golden sequin thing.

00:05:52.440 God, remember the day I saw that and I was like, I'm going to buy that.

00:05:56.580 I don't care what it costs.

00:05:58.840 It's like three grand or four grand or something.

00:06:01.600 It was 10K.

00:06:02.800 Did you buy it?

00:06:03.900 Hells yeah.

00:06:04.720 She wore it in about 50 times.

00:06:07.300 She wore it in the Tom McDonald video.

00:06:10.780 Oh, that was the Gucci outfit?

00:06:12.580 Yeah, I've had it for 15 years, I think.

00:06:15.440 I circled around that store three or four times and I go, you're doing it.

00:06:21.020 Sometimes I'll go, you're doing it.

00:06:22.980 You ain't got nothing.

00:06:24.820 You're doing it.

00:06:26.020 Dude, you earned everything.

00:06:28.260 Oh, but I just fear wealth, you know.

00:06:32.500 Really?

00:06:33.260 What do you mean?

00:06:34.580 I fear like getting jewelry that ain't fake.

00:06:38.680 Still?

00:06:39.440 Yeah, I've seen, you have some really nice jewelry that you've got.

00:06:42.100 It's all fake.

00:06:43.100 No, you have, we went through it, the insurance.

00:06:45.520 There was some really expensive stuff.

00:06:47.640 What about your big diamond?

00:06:49.400 Is that still in the safety department?

00:06:51.080 Well, yeah, but I got rid of most of them.

00:06:53.320 I mean, it's from a long time ago.

00:06:54.680 Yeah, it was like 40 years ago.

00:06:56.460 You don't wear diamonds anymore.

00:06:58.540 I sold all them when I figured out all diamonds are blood diamonds.

00:07:03.420 I went, okay, I'm divesting myself of the bullshit world now.

00:07:08.600 You know, they do lab-grown now that are conflict-free.

00:07:11.800 They're not conflict-free.

00:07:13.400 They're crushed up, sacrificed children.

00:07:16.100 Oh, on Roseanne Bar Podcast.

00:07:17.820 It's true.

00:07:18.680 Ladies and gentlemen, that's what they do.

00:07:19.880 Really?

00:07:19.940 That's what they do.

00:07:20.820 A lot of people are getting the lab-grown.

00:07:22.920 I don't think they're crushed up, sacrificed children.

00:07:25.960 I'm going to look this up, but in the meantime, tell people about Super Feels.

00:07:29.140 Super Feels.

00:07:29.860 Okay, let me get comfortable.

00:07:32.460 I mean, this is good stuff, because we do drink a lot on this show.

00:07:35.200 This show is probably where we do most of our drinking, right?

00:07:40.320 See my water.

00:07:41.780 So now we're trying to be healthier, but anyway, I'll let you tell people.

00:07:44.140 Okay, yeah, well, I don't drink that much.

00:07:46.400 You look cute.

00:07:47.820 Can I just tell you how cute you look?

00:07:49.860 I decide what the hell.

00:07:51.240 I'm going to pretend I'm 12 again.

00:07:53.360 I love this outfit.

00:07:54.440 I'm in my second childhood.

00:07:56.380 That's okay.

00:07:57.240 I can't see your face.

00:07:58.540 Dementia, or whatever it's called.

00:08:01.160 Dementia.

00:08:01.940 Onset dementia.

00:08:03.440 Listen, sometimes I need to wind down after a long day, and I look forward to Super Feels.

00:08:10.680 Listen, sometimes I need to wind down after a long day, and I keep saying the same thing.

00:08:16.460 But I look forward to a glass of wine or a joint with friends.

00:08:22.360 But lately, I've been trying to cut back on the booze.

00:08:25.520 I'm always getting in trouble at Mar-a-Lago for drunkenly rushing the stage, climbing into

00:08:31.120 the bushes, or dancing on tables.

00:08:33.740 So now I have found a way to socialize without embarrassing myself or getting shot by the

00:08:39.420 Secret Service.

00:08:40.180 I've been swapping my booze with Super Feels Chill Vibes, an herbal tonic that helps me calm

00:08:47.760 down and relax without any alcohol.

00:08:50.840 Wow.

00:08:51.400 Chill Vibes is made with two powerful, all-natural botanicals designed to work effectively and

00:08:57.280 quickly.

00:08:57.800 Kray Tom is in the same plant family as coffee and has been used traditionally in Thailand

00:09:04.200 for centuries to help soothe the body and support mood.

00:09:09.700 And Kava delivers deep relaxation without making you feel sleepy.

00:09:14.760 It's perfect.

00:09:15.680 It really works.

00:09:16.220 For that stress-free, joyful vibe.

00:09:19.480 Remember when Phyllis Diller drank it in Hawaii?

00:09:22.240 Was that what that was?

00:09:23.040 We did Kava.

00:09:23.680 It just helps you feel good and fun.

00:09:26.740 My friends over at Super Feels are offering you 20% off chill vibes when you use code ROSANNE

00:09:33.260 at checkout.

00:09:34.140 To take advantage, go to getsuperfeels.com for 20% off.

00:09:39.940 That's getsuperfeels.com and use code ROSANNE for 20% off.

00:09:46.120 CB.

00:09:47.020 No, that's the next ad.

00:09:48.060 Oh.

00:09:48.560 Pause it.

00:09:48.980 Leave that.

00:09:50.360 No.

00:09:50.560 Phyllis Diller did it because they also have another one that's like more for like,

00:09:54.240 it's got like lion's mane in it and mushroom.

00:09:56.100 It sharpens you like a cup of coffee.

00:09:57.420 Oh, that's cool.

00:09:58.000 We ate lion's mane mushrooms this week.

00:10:01.060 This place, they have two.

00:10:01.960 They were terrible, by the way.

00:10:03.380 You didn't cook them good.

00:10:05.060 I know.

00:10:05.080 I was thinking you did them better.

00:10:05.520 I knew I should have cooked them.

00:10:08.040 I knew I should have.

00:10:09.620 Get on the microphone.

00:10:10.100 I told you it's butter, butter, butter.

00:10:12.300 I did a ton of butter.

00:10:13.640 Oh.

00:10:14.460 Don't move around the microphone.

00:10:15.540 Okay, sorry.

00:10:16.120 I'm talking into it.

00:10:16.740 It's a podcast.

00:10:17.260 I know.

00:10:17.940 Sorry.

00:10:19.080 Yeah.

00:10:19.480 They were soggy.

00:10:21.420 No, honey.

00:10:22.340 If it's in butter, you've got to cook them until they're crisp.

00:10:27.200 Cook it until it's crisp.

00:10:28.400 That was soggy.

00:10:29.820 Yeah.

00:10:30.160 Okay, wait.

00:10:30.500 It was like eating a mop.

00:10:33.140 It was horrible.

00:10:34.000 But superfoods, like the lion's mane stuff is actually really good for your mind.

00:10:37.960 So I don't think people eat it for flavor, do they?

00:10:40.640 I made it so good, didn't I, Shannon?

00:10:42.820 Oh, okay.

00:10:43.220 Mine was like a steak.

00:10:44.760 Yeah, it was.

00:10:45.500 Did you go to Central Market to get the mushrooms?

00:10:48.180 Oh, yes.

00:10:48.880 Shannon loves.

00:10:51.000 Did you see the mushroom section where they grow?

00:10:53.380 I showed her everything that there was there.

00:10:55.900 It's the best store in the world.

00:10:57.320 Best store.

00:10:57.740 That's why.

00:10:58.220 It's like an Erewhon.

00:11:00.200 It's like an Erewhon if it were an actual like grocery store and not just like Erewhon.

00:11:05.040 I don't know how to describe Erewhon.

00:11:05.960 Erewhon's like all those.

00:11:07.560 Erewhon is a meat market for vegetarians.

00:11:10.640 Yeah, that's a good line.

00:11:12.620 But this here Central Market is a dream come true for the aged as they're crawling through

00:11:20.360 every aisle looking for a bargain.

00:11:23.600 It's just wonderful.

00:11:25.000 Here's what I saw is we spent $400.

00:11:28.040 God, the cookie aisle.

00:11:28.880 We had four.

00:11:29.740 Their bakery aisle.

00:11:31.060 And I didn't allow myself to get anything sweet.

00:11:34.400 That's true.

00:11:35.600 But we spent $400 on Sunday.

00:11:40.720 And on Tuesday, I'm like, there's nothing to eat.

00:11:44.960 Yeah.

00:11:45.540 But we did have like all kinds of fresh.

00:11:49.280 Well, your French bougie wine.

00:11:54.060 Oh, yeah.

00:11:54.440 My wine was off the charts.

00:11:56.420 The food was probably $20.

00:11:59.180 No, it was good though.

00:12:00.720 No, it's the best grocery store ever seen.

00:12:02.200 No, it is.

00:12:02.380 It's beautiful.

00:12:02.760 Hands down.

00:12:03.620 Because it's actually a grocery store.

00:12:04.460 See, I always get on that Ben E. White Highway and go around in a loop for 45 minutes.

00:12:10.620 You got lost.

00:12:11.780 Why don't you use-

00:12:12.580 Why do I always-

00:12:13.660 I do.

00:12:14.360 I use that fucking-

00:12:15.300 But-

00:12:15.840 I use that fucking Waze and that shit.

00:12:18.240 Stop using Waze.

00:12:19.460 I told you that.

00:12:19.780 I don't know.

00:12:20.400 It's in the car.

00:12:21.400 No.

00:12:21.560 She has it in her car.

00:12:22.440 And it doesn't go right.

00:12:24.100 It doesn't tell me to go the right way.

00:12:25.920 And it made me go in a circle over and over and over.

00:12:28.880 No, and she was freaking out.

00:12:30.320 Yeah, were you screaming at Shannon?

00:12:31.740 I do that too.

00:12:32.080 No, she wasn't.

00:12:32.560 I wasn't screaming at Shannon.

00:12:33.740 No, she was-

00:12:34.300 I haven't snapped since.

00:12:35.820 Remember that one time?

00:12:37.280 I haven't snapped for years, have I, girl?

00:12:39.260 Did you tell him about that?

00:12:40.640 She did, but she didn't tell the podcast, I don't think.

00:12:42.880 You should tell your audience.

00:12:43.640 No, she hadn't until when I snapped.

00:12:45.560 Yeah, with the clothing lady.

00:12:46.020 Because you know I haven't snapped in so long.

00:12:48.280 Yeah.

00:12:48.460 You've been great.

00:12:49.360 No, you have been so-

00:12:51.640 Okay, so I met you in-

00:12:53.380 The Thorazine shots.

00:12:53.880 I met you in 19, huh?

00:12:55.120 Nothing.

00:12:55.860 They're working.

00:12:56.160 I met you in 1997 and-

00:12:59.620 I snapped all the time back then, didn't I?

00:13:01.880 On the talk show, yeah.

00:13:04.540 Everyone would be like, Shannon, you've got to go in and calm her down.

00:13:08.080 And that's what I do now.

00:13:10.520 And so I kind of know to let her vent, to let her scream, and get all of her angry shit out.

00:13:19.940 And then I go, okay, I understand.

00:13:23.680 So we're in a room, like a fitting room, and we had spent like two hours going through the whole Neiman Marcus.

00:13:33.320 Trying to find a fucking large-

00:13:35.560 This was for an event, right?

00:13:37.500 You had like-

00:13:37.880 No, no.

00:13:38.880 We were just shopping at Neiman Marcus, and there was a sale rack, and she got all kinds of cute stuff in her sizes.

00:13:47.060 And so we put-

00:13:48.680 And I kept giving them to the sales girl.

00:13:50.900 And so then we go into the room, the fitting room.

00:13:55.240 She was beyond a genius.

00:13:58.560 And the girl go, I go, where's all this stuff?

00:14:03.840 And she goes, oh, I thought you already tried it on.

00:14:06.580 And I go-

00:14:07.960 And no, but to say, how many times she came to get the bundles?

00:14:11.800 And I said, we're still looking.

00:14:15.260 Yeah.

00:14:15.340 You know-

00:14:15.800 She did do that.

00:14:16.780 I go, we're still looking, but we're coming.

00:14:19.460 We're coming.

00:14:20.360 We'll be there in a few.

00:14:21.660 And just in your defense, there were no clothes on the floor.

00:14:26.020 There was nothing like you had tried anything on.

00:14:28.560 We had hung stuff up.

00:14:30.500 And so then the girl comes in the room, and she's like, where the fuck's all my stuff?

00:14:37.900 She had put it all back?

00:14:39.720 She had put three quarters of it back.

00:14:42.780 Oh, my God.

00:14:43.380 And she goes, I've just spent like two hours looking for this whole floor for everything.

00:14:49.240 And you put it-

00:14:50.200 And she goes, oh, my God.

00:14:51.120 I'm so sorry.

00:14:52.000 She goes, what the fuck?

00:14:54.120 Like, I don't want you as my sales girl.

00:14:58.760 You got to get out of here.

00:15:00.180 And she was freaking out.

00:15:01.720 I can't remember.

00:15:02.320 Didn't she say her mom died or something?

00:15:04.340 No excuse.

00:15:05.020 That was somebody else.

00:15:06.540 Didn't she say, I'm sorry, with all the fires?

00:15:09.720 Yes.

00:15:10.560 Yes.

00:15:11.220 It was in LA.

00:15:12.480 It was during the fires.

00:15:14.020 She goes, I'm sorry.

00:15:15.200 My sister lost her house.

00:15:16.940 Yes.

00:15:17.220 That's right.

00:15:17.900 That was very good.

00:15:19.380 You remember.

00:15:20.020 Yeah, because it was horrifying.

00:15:22.060 You don't have dementia.

00:15:22.840 Anyway, she goes, I'm sorry.

00:15:24.880 I'm just not paying attention because am I calling my sister because she's just lost her house?

00:15:31.100 And she goes, I don't give a fuck.

00:15:33.560 And she said, she looked at my face and I was like.

00:15:38.320 No, I said, I don't give a fuck.

00:15:40.480 My sister lost her house too, but she still has to work.

00:15:46.960 Oh my God, that's horrible.

00:15:48.660 This is during the fires, right?

00:15:50.060 Like, they were still raging outside.

00:15:51.420 But we all still have to work.

00:15:55.000 And we're like in close proximity.

00:15:56.920 And then I looked at Shannon and she had her face like she used to have.

00:16:01.600 Horrified?

00:16:02.040 No, like.

00:16:03.960 That's like that.

00:16:05.760 She was like, okay, honey.

00:16:09.100 So then I go, you better get out of here to the chick.

00:16:14.540 You know, I'm like, we'll get, you know.

00:16:17.620 She goes, I want a new salesperson.

00:16:20.080 I'm not using you.

00:16:21.760 And I was just like, it's okay, honey.

00:16:23.580 And then she vented.

00:16:25.420 She did her thing.

00:16:26.540 And I'm like, I totally understand.

00:16:29.140 Yes, we had cultivated two hours of clothing.

00:16:34.460 And then we got a new girl.

00:16:37.880 And then she calmed down.

00:16:39.200 And she goes, oh, I feel bad.

00:16:41.180 Like, I haven't done that in a long time.

00:16:44.460 Yeah, I haven't seen it in years.

00:16:46.140 Were you stressed out that week?

00:16:47.280 It's been years.

00:16:48.180 I just fucking snapped.

00:16:49.660 Wait, didn't you forget to take your pills, Anthony?

00:16:52.380 Oh, yeah.

00:16:52.880 I hadn't ever took my pills.

00:16:53.840 Oh, yeah.

00:16:54.200 That's right.

00:16:54.840 Disclaimer.

00:16:55.500 Yeah.

00:16:55.680 No, I think I'm the one that asked.

00:16:57.520 Yeah, I missed my meds.

00:16:58.840 Yeah, I remember asking.

00:17:00.020 Because you do get a little crazy.

00:17:00.660 The one that I snapped, it's because I didn't take my pills.

00:17:03.700 Isn't it weird?

00:17:04.900 I always say every morning.

00:17:06.400 There's science to it.

00:17:06.900 Did you take your pills?

00:17:08.760 Did she go, yes?

00:17:09.080 No, I know.

00:17:09.760 I have it on my phone.

00:17:11.240 Time for your medications.

00:17:13.520 Medication time.

00:17:14.960 Like in Cuckoo's Nest.

00:17:16.300 No, I think I was the one that asked you that.

00:17:17.740 Because when everybody gets off their meds, especially if you go cold turkey, that's what all the school shootings are.

00:17:23.720 You do go nuts.

00:17:24.840 If you ever try and adjust your meds, you have to do it with medical professional in your court overtime.

00:17:28.980 You can't just skip a pill.

00:17:30.660 Wait, what about the ketamine?

00:17:33.700 Yeah, I mean, she's done ketamine.

00:17:34.820 Should we talk about that?

00:17:35.260 Yeah, and we've done a whole episode on it a few times.

00:17:37.260 She did a little tune-up.

00:17:38.140 How did that go?

00:17:38.700 You did a tune-up last week?

00:17:40.920 That's why you were on Austin.

00:17:41.760 It was the craziest.

00:17:43.920 You know how I don't live on the planet of Earthlings?

00:17:49.140 Yes.

00:17:49.660 I live on another.

00:17:51.400 Pleiades?

00:17:51.880 Nothing that happens to me happens to anybody else.

00:17:55.660 And I just have tried to ignore it forever.

00:17:59.260 But then sometimes it gets to be too heavy and I have to deal with it.

00:18:03.680 So it was, in the ketamine treatment, I saw this one very intricate pattern over and over and over.

00:18:13.020 Because, you know, it's like it's knitting your brain back together of all the severed loose parts.

00:18:18.720 Wow.

00:18:20.220 Was it a visual pattern you're saying?

00:18:22.380 Yeah.

00:18:22.780 Okay.

00:18:23.360 Like I meant, okay.

00:18:24.880 Great analogy.

00:18:25.980 So then I go from there to the rental house.

00:18:29.120 Yeah.

00:18:30.000 That was in the middle of a train.

00:18:32.900 Yeah, I'm sorry.

00:18:33.460 I wasn't there at that one.

00:18:34.500 But that was okay.

00:18:35.220 They swore to us it was quiet.

00:18:36.920 Train.

00:18:37.400 Well, the house is quiet.

00:18:38.740 But anyway, so I walk in.

00:18:40.460 I walk in, you leave, because I had to go immediately lay down because I get fatigued from that treatment.

00:18:47.580 Everybody does it, doesn't it?

00:18:48.560 Yeah.

00:18:48.760 You usually have to sleep the first day.

00:18:49.780 Yeah.

00:18:50.360 So when I woke up four hours later, I proceed to, you know, go out to get something to eat.

00:18:58.200 And by God, I swear, hanging on the wall by the kitchen is a painting that is exactly the pattern.

00:19:08.860 I haven't heard any of this.

00:19:10.080 That's amazing.

00:19:10.400 Wow.

00:19:11.020 I haven't either.

00:19:11.720 What was the pattern?

00:19:12.660 It was just a continuing black and white square thing.

00:19:17.940 Okay.

00:19:18.900 But that's crazy.

00:19:20.200 That's a sign.

00:19:21.040 What do you mean?

00:19:21.720 I was like.

00:19:22.760 She saw the pattern that she saw.

00:19:24.480 No, I know.

00:19:24.940 But continuing square pattern.

00:19:26.680 She'll show us later.

00:19:27.480 And it's probably like an Escher painting or something, I imagine.

00:19:30.340 Yeah, kind of like that.

00:19:31.560 So when you saw it, did it trigger something post-cadamina?

00:19:34.560 Or you just were like, wow, that's cool?

00:19:36.220 Or did you go back?

00:19:36.820 It was like, I feel, and with meditation too, that the more centered you become, the more,

00:19:44.480 and I gave this in my speech on Forum, the more you see that you're able to connect all

00:19:55.780 the synchronicities and the coincidences, so that you begin to see they're not coincidences.

00:20:02.560 And the synchronicities are the way to see how God moves in the world.

00:20:08.360 And he's like knitting all the ends together right now.

00:20:12.120 Oh, wow.

00:20:12.580 That's cool.

00:20:12.740 And so it was like all that.

00:20:14.840 Wow, that's cool.

00:20:15.360 And then I'm always on that planet trying to deal with humans, and they're like, would

00:20:21.340 you like fries with that?

00:20:23.460 Fries with your Coke?

00:20:24.760 Or they put your clothes back.

00:20:26.720 What?

00:20:27.140 Or they put your clothes back in the dressing room and you have to scream at them.

00:20:30.940 I'm like, I hadn't been out because everything was on fire.

00:20:34.520 Yeah.

00:20:35.000 Remember, and I went to the valley because I was watching everything burn.

00:20:39.520 And then the valley fire started the day we got there.

00:20:41.260 Yes, the minute I got away, it started a half a mile from that house.

00:20:46.140 But the Airbnb, so we put my mom in an Airbnb to recover because the ketamine treatment's an

00:20:53.220 hour from here.

00:20:53.580 Right.

00:20:54.020 Now Hannah told me.

00:20:54.400 We used to drive her all the way home, but she'd have to sit in the port.

00:20:56.840 Hannah had to sit in the car for an hour, winding before she got to bed.

00:21:00.040 She'd sleep, but I just felt bad.

00:21:01.480 So we put her in.

00:21:02.580 Yeah, that was good.

00:21:03.360 I trained her, but so I guess my question is, I've never done ketamine, so obviously

00:21:08.800 you trip when you're doing it, like you're tripping.

00:21:11.280 I filmed you, remember the fingers?

00:21:12.680 Yeah.

00:21:13.640 But when I pick you up, every time I've ever picked you up, you're actually okay.

00:21:17.040 You're a little wobbly.

00:21:19.020 Woozy.

00:21:19.460 Yeah, I just feel tired.

00:21:20.420 Yeah.

00:21:20.660 Yeah, woozy.

00:21:21.440 But when you go home and you wake up four hours later and you see a pattern, is it just,

00:21:25.860 are you remembering the trip from ketamine or do you start tripping again is my question?

00:21:30.520 No, it just blew my mind that it was there.

00:21:33.200 So you just, you recalled the trip and you're like, whoa.

00:21:36.360 Yeah, because it was so fresh in my mind.

00:21:38.460 Okay.

00:21:38.700 That's cool.

00:21:39.980 That's really cool.

00:21:40.420 That's really cool.

00:21:41.840 So everything's in it.

00:21:43.080 I don't know if it's cool as much as it's.

00:21:45.020 Profound.

00:21:45.860 Weird.

00:21:46.900 The weird, the weird word.

00:21:49.080 You know how they say wayward, but weird word.

00:21:53.460 The weirdness of things always in my life.

00:21:56.220 And I mean, I think God's really funny.

00:21:59.840 It's kind of a laugh there between me and God or something.

00:22:03.280 I've always felt coincidences like that were a nod from God.

00:22:07.260 But you know what, you guys, there are no coincidences.

00:22:11.100 There are only synchronicities.

00:22:12.960 You know, my best friend is my granddaughter.

00:22:15.460 And the other day I was getting her out of her car seat and the wind blew so hard, it knocked my

00:22:21.640 shoulder into the side of the car and it hurt like hell.

00:22:25.120 I try to avoid pain pills because then I will never leave my room ever again and I will go

00:22:32.720 the way of Elvis right on the toilet there.

00:22:36.160 That's why CBD is the best way to get relief from pain.

00:22:39.860 And it is not just for pain.

00:22:42.220 It is a true miracle product.

00:22:44.540 It's not just for pain.

00:22:46.480 CBD distillery offers targeted formulations for just about everything.

00:22:51.340 Sleep, stress, mood, focus, pain after exercise.

00:22:56.900 They even have it for your pets.

00:22:59.100 And it's all made with the highest quality clean ingredients.

00:23:02.800 No fillers, just premium CBD.

00:23:06.320 The soothing balm for relief is my favorite and it smells really good.

00:23:10.820 And with over 2 million satisfied customers and 100% money back guarantee,

00:23:15.660 CBD distillery is the source you can trust.

00:23:18.540 If you're struggling with sleep, stress, or other health concerns and haven't found relief,

00:23:24.140 make the change like millions are to CBD from CBD distillery.

00:23:28.380 And for a limited time, you can save 25% off your entire purchase.

00:23:33.220 Visit CBD distillery and use the promo code RB.

00:23:37.760 That's CBDdistillery.com.

00:23:42.600 Promo code RB.

00:23:45.360 CBDdistillery.com.

00:23:46.720 Specific product availability depends on individual state regulations.

00:23:53.780 That makes sense.

00:23:54.780 Not every state is the same.

00:23:55.940 Not every state is cool.

00:23:57.520 We broke a big story last week.

00:23:59.200 I was going to say with Patrick Byrne that China,

00:24:01.460 I believed every word you said.

00:24:03.080 We haven't got to follow up on this.

00:24:04.280 Did you watch the episode?

00:24:05.480 Yeah, I did.

00:24:06.560 Chinese military, military intelligence in Serbia hacked our machines.

00:24:15.180 In 2020.

00:24:15.900 And they've done it for 25 plus years to destroy the West from the inside.

00:24:19.540 But I believe them.

00:24:21.180 In 75 countries.

00:24:21.860 Yeah.

00:24:22.620 I totally believe it.

00:24:24.600 So anyway.

00:24:24.980 Them Chinese are smart.

00:24:26.800 I guess eating fucking snake meat makes you,

00:24:30.200 and kitty cats and dogs and shit.

00:24:32.220 I've seen all them videos.

00:24:33.380 I guess it makes you smart or some shit.

00:24:35.880 Can I tell you, the first meal when I got there.

00:24:40.200 What?

00:24:40.640 They, you know, they had one of those lazy Susan things going around the table,

00:24:44.580 and there was like 10 of us at a table.

00:24:47.040 And the first thing I saw was deep fried baby birds with their wings.

00:24:52.660 Like, eww.

00:24:53.200 Yeah.

00:24:53.220 Oh, they dip them alive.

00:24:54.860 The French do that, though.

00:24:56.280 They're horrible.

00:24:56.800 The French do it, too, though.

00:24:58.060 And then they grabbed an eel out of the fucking aquarium thing and chopped it all up and fried it.

00:25:04.760 And it was alive?

00:25:06.300 Oh, they fried it?

00:25:08.280 No.

00:25:08.960 I like American Chinese food.

00:25:13.480 Like, I was like more rice and plum wine.

00:25:17.000 That's all I lived on.

00:25:19.020 You were there for how long?

00:25:20.400 Six months?

00:25:21.000 Three months.

00:25:21.580 Oh, three months.

00:25:22.220 And that's when Tony broke up with me.

00:25:24.680 No, you got married on the talk show.

00:25:27.800 You were married?

00:25:28.560 I didn't know this.

00:25:28.980 She got married on the talk show.

00:25:30.420 It was fake.

00:25:30.940 To a Janis Joplin Chandler married her and her boyfriend.

00:25:34.540 In Hawaii.

00:25:35.000 Remember?

00:25:35.540 In Hawaii.

00:25:36.500 And you said Johnny was jealous of him.

00:25:39.620 He was a very talented musician.

00:25:41.000 I loved him, actually.

00:25:41.300 Well, Johnny don't like nobody.

00:25:43.500 Yeah.

00:25:43.840 Will Johnny ever see this?

00:25:45.380 Yes.

00:25:45.740 He watches the movie.

00:25:46.040 Yeah, he'll see it.

00:25:46.640 Okay, cut this out.

00:25:47.920 No, Johnny's, Johnny, we've said good invention.

00:25:50.440 I love Johnny.

00:25:51.340 Johnny is great.

00:25:52.840 Johnny, with everything aside.

00:25:54.460 He's a cancer.

00:25:55.540 He's a big boy.

00:25:56.500 He can take it.

00:25:58.620 Seriously?

00:25:59.580 100%.

00:26:00.020 All right.

00:26:00.620 Okay.

00:26:01.020 So, anyways, you go marry Tony over in Hawaii, and the girl that married you, the girl that

00:26:10.680 married you was the Janis Joplin Chandler that was on the talk show, right?

00:26:15.560 Yes.

00:26:17.760 What was her name?

00:26:18.980 Linda.

00:26:19.100 I don't remember.

00:26:19.860 Linda.

00:26:20.240 Linda.

00:26:20.600 That's right.

00:26:21.340 Did you believe she was really channeling Janis Joplin?

00:26:24.480 I did.

00:26:26.300 And remember when me, you, and Doug did, I don't remember who it was, but she said you

00:26:34.120 and I were siblings, and we were medicine women by a creek, and I was your older sister

00:26:41.540 taking care of you.

00:26:43.440 Do you remember that?

00:26:44.660 No, not really.

00:26:45.660 No, not really.

00:26:49.220 In our past life or something?

00:26:51.220 Doug Rukavina was there.

00:26:53.420 What was Doug doing?

00:26:53.920 We loved Doug.

00:26:54.220 And she told him he was Michael the angel.

00:27:00.300 Oh, she did?

00:27:01.620 He was super sweet.

00:27:03.100 He had no bad intentions.

00:27:05.360 I loved Doug.

00:27:05.620 You said you're actually the angel, or you're, it was like you're Michael the angel, or, you

00:27:13.380 know, Michael.

00:27:14.700 I love Doug.

00:27:16.000 Remember?

00:27:16.440 I think he has a couple of twin daughters or something.

00:27:19.540 Twin daughters?

00:27:20.260 Mm-hmm.

00:27:20.580 He married a girl.

00:27:21.020 Did you remember Doug?

00:27:22.440 He has a weird family, too.

00:27:24.440 But he was my favorite assistant ever.

00:27:26.360 Because, remember, he could turn his legs backwards from the knee down and walk like that?

00:27:32.540 No, I don't remember that.

00:27:32.900 Remember he had double jointed from the knee down?

00:27:35.280 No, I do not remember that.

00:27:36.040 And he could turn his feet all the way around and then go walk like five or six steps with

00:27:42.840 his feet going backwards.

00:27:43.940 I wonder if that's good and bad.

00:27:46.560 No.

00:27:47.600 Like a gymnast.

00:27:50.340 Wait, sorry, we're getting off track.

00:27:52.000 The ketamine thing.

00:27:55.680 I never got to finish this.

00:27:56.300 Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:27:57.380 The patterns.

00:27:58.280 I want to hear more about this, because it's actually pretty deep.

00:28:01.180 You're talking about the interconnectedness of God.

00:28:02.940 I thought that was a cool thing.

00:28:04.240 Knitting the loose ends.

00:28:05.820 Yeah, you keep saying knitting.

00:28:07.720 I mean, you don't have to talk about it.

00:28:08.540 The loose ends together.

00:28:09.280 But I think it's interesting.

00:28:10.180 If you want to talk about it more, I'd like to hear more about it.

00:28:13.200 It helps.

00:28:14.000 Well, that's just what God's doing right now in the world.

00:28:17.100 I think so, too.

00:28:17.800 And it's helping reduce your anxiety.

00:28:20.000 Yeah, it has helped reduce my...

00:28:23.960 Well, it's not really my anxiety.

00:28:25.880 My anxiety is the only thing that keeps me going.

00:28:31.400 And for that to be reduced would not be good.

00:28:34.720 You're an anxiety whore.

00:28:36.600 Yeah, it keeps me going, you know.

00:28:38.720 It's your fuel.

00:28:40.380 Well, it keeps me going, because it's kind of like if I don't have anxiety to continue,

00:28:45.740 like in cartoons, where the characters, they're trying to run away, and at first their leg

00:28:51.520 spins in a circle, and they go, I get it.

00:28:55.160 If I don't keep on doing that, I will go down in the quicksand of the dark.

00:29:02.200 Wow.

00:29:02.580 The dark fucking depression and shit.

00:29:05.780 That's when you take the nap.

00:29:06.960 The dark fucking depression of the reality.

00:29:09.480 Have you considered that that's not the best way to be?

00:29:14.400 Yeah.

00:29:14.920 Have you ever considered an alternative?

00:29:16.960 I'm just...

00:29:17.340 I'm not trying to mean...

00:29:17.620 There is an alternative.

00:29:18.900 The dark horror of the reality.

00:29:22.480 You mean there's no way to just be at peace in the moment without either anxiety or depths

00:29:27.200 of horror?

00:29:27.840 There's no...

00:29:28.520 Only when she's fucked up.

00:29:31.560 I mean, I can't find it.

00:29:34.640 Have you ever tried?

00:29:35.860 Wait, I need to...

00:29:36.620 I have to be...

00:29:37.800 When I'm in anxiety, what are you doing?

00:29:40.280 She's fixing her hair.

00:29:41.060 She's shanty.

00:29:41.420 No.

00:29:41.920 She can't...

00:29:42.360 Well, she is my hair and makeup artist.

00:29:44.660 But you're a guest now.

00:29:47.320 You don't have to do that.

00:29:48.080 Yeah, you're off the clock.

00:29:48.760 No, but I wanted...

00:29:49.820 She's never off the clock.

00:29:51.180 No, I wanted to fix her hair.

00:29:52.360 One time, we were in the bathroom, because I was going to do an interview.

00:29:55.940 Howard Stern.

00:29:56.640 And we were in New York, was it Howard's...

00:29:58.660 No, it wasn't Howard Stern.

00:30:00.420 Because you were doing my makeup and doing...

00:30:03.120 Bothering me and chattering and doing...

00:30:05.600 Slamming my face and my lips and everything.

00:30:09.200 And incessant chattering.

00:30:11.480 And then...

00:30:12.140 And then a guy comes in and he goes,

00:30:14.560 Ladies, this is audio.

00:30:17.980 Wow.

00:30:19.600 Same thing.

00:30:20.580 It was audio.

00:30:21.320 It definitely wasn't Stern then.

00:30:22.180 Yeah.

00:30:22.740 And I'm like, fucking Shannon.

00:30:24.940 Man, this is on the fucking radio.

00:30:28.300 But I always want you to look beautiful like you...

00:30:31.420 You know, to your full potential.

00:30:33.860 But I'm just saying, have you ever considered that instead of the dusting up, chaotic, anxious,

00:30:42.180 riddled way that you consider it like you're...

00:30:44.460 Oh, but see, I'm only like that when I'm around people.

00:30:48.700 What happens when you're alone?

00:30:50.280 You talk to yourself.

00:30:51.640 Peace.

00:30:51.980 I understand that.

00:30:52.960 Praying, peace, lovely, sleeping.

00:30:56.440 Is that true though?

00:30:57.180 Because there's no way to know if...

00:30:58.600 Huh?

00:30:59.080 Are you sure you're nicer?

00:31:00.500 I mean, you're more...

00:31:02.460 No, I'm not...

00:31:03.900 I am, you know, always studying and reading and...

00:31:08.200 Yeah, you like...

00:31:08.760 Like today when we drove home, it was like an hour.

00:31:12.400 Yeah.

00:31:12.540 And we didn't really talk.

00:31:14.320 Yeah.

00:31:14.760 She likes to be alone with her morbid thoughts.

00:31:17.480 Yeah.

00:31:18.340 That's what I'm asking.

00:31:19.200 Is it really peaceful when you're alone or is it just like you're just stressed out about

00:31:23.420 whatever you're stressed out, but no one's talking to you?

00:31:24.940 Well, when I'm alone, I'm all talking to God.

00:31:28.520 Okay.

00:31:29.000 That makes sense.

00:31:29.640 100%.

00:31:30.200 That's good.

00:31:32.160 That's why she likes to be alone.

00:31:33.460 I'm like, I told you this was going to happen if you didn't listen to me.

00:31:38.360 I got it.

00:31:38.960 That's how I am with God.

00:31:39.300 So when people are around, you can't talk to God.

00:31:41.580 Yeah, they're interrupting the flow.

00:31:43.420 I understand that.

00:31:44.280 Okay.

00:31:44.600 Oh, yeah.

00:31:45.040 And that's when I'm getting all anxious because I'm like, wait, he's not able to see things

00:31:49.960 correctly without my constance.

00:31:51.900 That's what I was going to ask next.

00:31:53.700 You feel you have to control God.

00:31:55.380 Not control.

00:31:56.400 You have to help him.

00:31:57.360 You're like God's wife.

00:31:58.340 You have to nag him.

00:31:58.900 I am God's wife.

00:32:00.500 My sister says that.

00:32:02.340 My sister said that a long time ago.

00:32:04.980 And I guess I do feel that way.

00:32:06.860 I think every woman feels they have to nag a man.

00:32:09.160 And I love that you're so high up that you feel like you have to nag God.

00:32:14.620 I don't nag him.

00:32:16.280 What do you call it?

00:32:16.820 Well, I used to have material about it, or I'd say, I said this at a Norman Lear when

00:32:23.440 he was faking like he cared about America because he's a Democrat.

00:32:27.740 And I was like, yeah, I had a whole routine about God's wife.

00:32:32.460 Because, you know, it is in deep Torah about that.

00:32:36.320 And I said, she'd go.

00:32:38.940 I said, we've really been brainwashed to assume that God is a single parent.

00:32:44.880 I had that material.

00:32:48.320 And I go, you know, but this is the time where God's wife is like, hey, you know, I let you

00:32:55.140 take it for a long, but now I got to step in because look at them.

00:33:01.000 Nothing you're doing is helping.

00:33:03.280 They're fucking killing each other.

00:33:05.380 And, you know, nothing you're, you are going to do it my way now.

00:33:10.440 Like every mom has to step into every dad.

00:33:13.340 No, I agree.

00:33:13.900 This is actually an archetype that works.

00:33:15.480 And that is what it says is going to happen.

00:33:17.960 Wow.

00:33:18.260 One, the, you know, the middle way, which is what Torah always talks about, not to go

00:33:25.720 to either extreme, right or left, any extreme, stay in the middle.

00:33:30.080 The middle is the path of the mother.

00:33:33.320 And to ferret, which is the navel, which is mercy, all these things.

00:33:38.880 And that's what's coming back now.

00:33:42.160 That's why I say knitting the loose ends together.

00:33:45.460 That's cool.

00:33:46.060 Because it's the heart of, you know, the heart of the cosmos is the heartbeat of the womb.

00:33:54.580 I do feel God could use a wife.

00:33:57.860 Well, here I am.

00:33:59.220 All right.

00:33:59.660 Okay, thank you.

00:33:59.820 And, you know, I'm talking to them all the time, like, you know, here's what you got.

00:34:03.800 You must do, you know, and I say, you know, it's a tragedy that the only people allowed down

00:34:12.300 here to talk about, you are a bunch of idiot men that can't keep it in their pants for two

00:34:17.800 fucking seconds.

00:34:18.720 Yeah, they're always, like, molesting somebody.

00:34:20.180 And I'm like, and how come, you know, I'm talking and they're like, she's gross.

00:34:25.380 We can't listen to nothing.

00:34:26.880 She says, although everything she says does happen and occurs exactly as she says it does,

00:34:32.700 she's fat.

00:34:34.100 She has large, she has a large upper thigh.

00:34:38.040 I don't, it's just too much for me, but, you know, I keep on talking and I'm like, I'm

00:34:44.420 going to hit that sweet spot, whether, whether it's, I want it to be while I'm alive, so, because

00:34:51.200 I'm that bitter, but, you know, God will say, you know, it's going to be a long time after

00:34:56.480 you're gone.

00:34:57.140 I'm like, yeah, you would do that.

00:35:00.360 That's no fun.

00:35:01.300 You want it to happen when you're alive, for sure.

00:35:03.220 But then God, but then I interviewed Frank Zappa when he was dying, and I saw a change

00:35:09.500 then because I said, asked him, how do you want to be, because he overthrew communism.

00:35:18.360 His music overthrew communism.

00:35:20.160 Can I interject?

00:35:21.180 No.

00:35:21.560 No, I want to hear this.

00:35:22.380 And he, and I said, you've done so many heroic and unspoken things, because nobody gets it,

00:35:32.720 because they're a fucking bunch of dunces, but I get it, and how do you want to be remembered?

00:35:38.260 And he said, I don't.

00:35:41.680 Wow.

00:35:42.580 I don't give a fuck.

00:35:43.740 I'll be dead.

00:35:45.140 These people are too fucking stupid to get it anyway.

00:35:48.060 Holy shit.

00:35:48.620 But he goes, you know what does matter?

00:35:52.300 I lived to see the birth and the death of rock and roll, and that's all that matters

00:35:59.500 to me.

00:36:01.000 Was he happy about the death of rock and roll, or he just happy?

00:36:04.120 He just was happy that he lived to see the birth and the death of it, where it all just

00:36:10.140 fucking went corporate.

00:36:11.260 Yeah, no.

00:36:11.960 He was a thousand percent right.

00:36:13.360 Yeah.

00:36:13.460 I don't know if that's profound, and I should look up to that, or if I think that's-

00:36:18.640 I love that.

00:36:19.040 And he was smoking, too, and I go, hey, Frank, do you ever think to stop smoking since you

00:36:24.160 got cancer and you're dying of it and everything?

00:36:27.180 Why stop now?

00:36:28.400 This is the time to smoke.

00:36:29.600 That's how I always think.

00:36:30.360 That's kind of exactly what he said.

00:36:32.200 Yeah.

00:36:32.620 He's right.

00:36:33.320 You have cancer.

00:36:34.240 Let it go.

00:36:34.660 He took me to Gail Zappa's, Frank's house, and we went into his studio, which was mind-blowing.

00:36:44.040 He was obsessed with Hitler.

00:36:46.040 Yeah.

00:36:46.580 There was Hitler shit everywhere, like Nazi shit everywhere he called.

00:36:52.860 Really?

00:36:53.060 I don't remember that.

00:36:53.700 I don't remember that.

00:36:54.320 You don't?

00:36:54.400 I must have blanked that out.

00:36:56.180 I don't remember that.

00:36:56.840 I probably dissociated that the fuck away.

00:36:58.760 I don't remember that.

00:36:59.780 I don't remember no Hitler.

00:37:00.700 Even if he did, it would have been-

00:37:02.160 He took me to Gail Zappa's house.

00:37:03.940 They had a Hitler's house?

00:37:04.700 No, Gail had Hitler's house.

00:37:06.060 No, I'm kidding.

00:37:07.040 No.

00:37:07.760 It was his studio with gold records and all his albums.

00:37:10.280 No, a lot of people collect Nazi paraphernalia.

00:37:12.360 It doesn't mean they're-

00:37:13.640 Paraphernalia?

00:37:13.940 No, no.

00:37:14.480 Is that the word for paraphernalia?

00:37:15.400 I think it's Nazi paraphernalia.

00:37:16.320 No, I think it is called Nazi paraphernalia.

00:37:18.260 I really do.

00:37:19.060 Yeah.

00:37:19.440 There's people that collect it all the time.

00:37:20.780 Yeah, people collect it.

00:37:22.100 No, I would collect it.

00:37:22.920 I'd collect it, too.

00:37:23.980 I think he did it to be funny.

00:37:24.660 I'd like to collect Hitler's balls and hang them right on my fucking-

00:37:29.060 Wait a minute.

00:37:29.640 Did you guys see the CIA came out with the fucking-

00:37:32.160 And they said he got away.

00:37:33.700 He went to Argentina.

00:37:34.780 We always knew it.

00:37:35.720 Did you not know this?

00:37:36.620 No, I haven't heard it.

00:37:37.700 No, it's one of the-

00:37:39.380 He died in the 60s.

00:37:41.120 There's so much shit happening in this country.

00:37:42.280 After he went over there to Palestine with Arafat and they blew each other.

00:37:47.040 Hitler?

00:37:47.800 Yeah.

00:37:48.000 Did you add that or did that happen?

00:37:49.180 I didn't-

00:37:49.320 That definitely happened.

00:37:50.440 Hitler was by.

00:37:51.080 Oh, Hitler survived.

00:37:52.380 What about Ava Braun?

00:37:54.440 Was she just a beard?

00:37:55.240 She went with him, too.

00:37:55.940 No, no.

00:37:56.340 They got out.

00:37:57.160 They got to Argentina.

00:37:58.200 Because they never really found their bodies.

00:38:01.000 No, they just had to tell us a story.

00:38:04.740 He probably lived in New Jersey at the end.

00:38:06.240 He loved German shepherds.

00:38:09.120 That's the worst story.

00:38:09.660 He wasn't all bad.

00:38:12.040 I remember my one friend-

00:38:13.960 He wasn't my friend, but it was a comic and I can't remember his name.

00:38:16.980 He goes,

00:38:18.280 Hey, Hitler.

00:38:20.820 What an asshole he turned out to be.

00:38:22.820 I think that was Johnny, wasn't it?

00:38:24.740 Huh?

00:38:25.300 I think that was a Johnny joke.

00:38:26.420 No, it was-

00:38:27.260 I can't remember his name.

00:38:28.340 Do you know my favorite joke about the Nazis?

00:38:30.480 What?

00:38:30.880 It was Emo Phillips.

00:38:31.540 Remember him?

00:38:32.300 Yes.

00:38:32.620 I do remember him.

00:38:33.400 He said he was hanging out in New York.

00:38:36.000 No, was Emo Phillips with a long hair and he was kind of weird?

00:38:38.460 Mm-hmm.

00:38:39.120 He was talking about how his friend came to visit him in New York from Germany in the 80s

00:38:42.660 and they were at a bagel shop.

00:38:45.140 And his German buddy's like,

00:38:46.660 Man, we cannot get a good bagel in Germany.

00:38:49.700 These are amazing here in New York.

00:38:51.180 And Emo goes,

00:38:51.980 Whose fault is that?

00:38:53.700 It's my favorite joke.

00:38:55.120 I love that joke.

00:38:55.720 He was good.

00:38:56.360 He died.

00:38:56.960 He died.

00:38:58.180 No, Judy died.

00:38:59.000 Hey Siri.

00:38:59.840 Wait.

00:39:00.220 Judy Tannuda?

00:39:00.780 Hey Siri.

00:39:01.040 They were married.

00:39:02.180 Is Emo Phillips still alive?

00:39:03.220 Judy died.

00:39:04.520 We have one more ad if you want to knock it out and then we can really just hit the zone.

00:39:07.740 We're hitting the zone.

00:39:08.140 We're going to talk about sexy after 60.

00:39:11.120 Oh, yeah.

00:39:11.720 We want to talk about sexuality in your 70s.

00:39:15.740 This is the perfect ad for this.

00:39:17.520 Oh, good.

00:39:18.100 Because you know what?

00:39:19.540 Shanna's talking me into going on the coffee and the hormones and the suppositories and the-

00:39:25.560 X-Racks or whatever it is.

00:39:27.860 Well, try this first.

00:39:28.980 This might be better than injecting hormones into your butthole.

00:39:31.240 And maybe she says I'll have a sex drive again.

00:39:33.260 I certainly hope not.

00:39:34.720 I hope you do.

00:39:35.800 Come on.

00:39:36.520 Let me tell you something.

00:39:38.000 Getting older is inevitable if you're lucky.

00:39:41.300 And if there's one thing I'm not going to do, it's sit around drinking garbage coffee

00:39:45.400 while my cells age faster than our national debt.

00:39:50.080 That's why I started drinking 1775's anti-aging coffee.

00:39:56.280 Right here.

00:39:57.160 Look.

00:39:57.400 Yeah.

00:39:58.620 Take a seat.

00:39:59.100 Anti-aging coffee.

00:40:03.000 Professional.

00:40:04.240 Yeah.

00:40:05.140 Anti-aging coffee.

00:40:07.580 What is up with this?

00:40:08.800 I've never heard of such a thing.

00:40:09.640 It's their same bold dark roast that I love, but now it's infused with C-A-A-K-G, a compound

00:40:19.840 showed to support cellular health.

00:40:21.840 Can you believe this, Shannon?

00:40:22.880 And actually help reduce your biological age.

00:40:26.520 What?

00:40:27.140 In plain English, you will look younger than a Democrat baby blood drinking donor.

00:40:33.240 Wow.

00:40:33.680 I mean, it is safe and lab tested, and they're even rolling out biological age tests soon

00:40:40.700 so you can actually see the difference.

00:40:43.140 Wow.

00:40:43.460 I mean, F the plastic surgery we're doing.

00:40:48.560 All we need is this coffee.

00:40:50.920 I want the coffee.

00:40:51.400 You can see the difference.

00:40:52.640 You can get it right now in their longevity bundle, which is on sale for $99, normally over

00:40:58.900 $250.

00:40:59.760 You get two bags of anti-aging coffee, a rare Peabody roast.

00:41:06.440 That's the best.

00:41:07.860 The Peabody, you know, I had Peabody's coffee in-

00:41:09.820 You had a Peabody.

00:41:11.860 No, but I had the Peabody coffee on my farm in Hawaii.

00:41:15.200 Oh, yeah, it's good.

00:41:16.060 And then your brother-in-law tore them all out because he thought there's poison berries.

00:41:19.720 You had a Peabody award.

00:41:21.480 Peabody roast and some limited edition merch that doesn't look like it was designed by woke

00:41:27.260 interns with pink hair and 400-pound bodies.

00:41:30.960 If you care about your health, your mornings, and not aging like a banana in the sun, this

00:41:37.340 is the coffee you want.

00:41:38.500 Go to 1775coffee.com slash Roseanne and grab the longevity bundle while it's still in stock.

00:41:47.600 You better hurry.

00:41:48.320 There's a lot of old people that are after this.

00:41:51.820 Okay.

00:41:52.240 When I was in fifth grade, I found nude Polaroids of my mom that my dad had taken.

00:42:02.520 Okay.

00:42:03.140 And I was highly sexualized, I think.

00:42:05.600 From the Polaroids?

00:42:07.060 Well, no, because-

00:42:08.860 Will you hand her the ashtray?

00:42:11.200 Sure, honey.

00:42:12.740 Shannon, you can sit on the microphone and do all this.

00:42:15.600 Okay.

00:42:16.120 Well, I want to sit with you.

00:42:17.380 I know, but you're on the podcast.

00:42:19.060 You need to be near the microphone.

00:42:19.920 Okay, sorry.

00:42:20.620 And the camera.

00:42:21.560 Thank you.

00:42:21.740 That's how it works.

00:42:22.780 Thank you.

00:42:24.360 So I think I was highly sexualized because my bedroom and their bedroom was right next

00:42:32.500 to each other, and I could hear them fucking-

00:42:35.200 This sounds like a trauma thing.

00:42:37.440 Yeah.

00:42:37.920 But no, it made me-

00:42:39.200 But it's how you handle it that makes you traumatic or not.

00:42:42.560 Right?

00:42:42.980 No judgment.

00:42:43.340 And it was no big deal to your folk.

00:42:45.540 Did they know you could hear them?

00:42:47.040 Well, no.

00:42:47.140 Because that's traumatic.

00:42:48.140 No.

00:42:48.480 Because I, like, my dad would tuck me in every night and say, I love you, you know, and pull

00:42:54.380 the covers over.

00:42:55.860 And then in the middle of the night, like, I could hear my mom going, I'm coming.

00:43:02.340 I'm coming.

00:43:03.360 And I thought, where is she going?

00:43:09.040 Well, at least you made her complete.

00:43:11.780 That's cool.

00:43:12.320 And then my dad had all these, like, Playboy magazines that I found, The Joy of Sex, Lady

00:43:19.940 Chatterly, like, I was reading all that shit, like, I was in fifth grade going, oh.

00:43:25.360 All right.

00:43:26.140 That makes sense.

00:43:27.060 But when you say, I'm sorry, when you say you could hear them, like, you-

00:43:31.280 Could hear them.

00:43:32.300 Did they know you could hear them?

00:43:33.700 No.

00:43:34.140 Okay.

00:43:34.380 And then one night, I got really scared, because it was thundering and lightning, and

00:43:39.500 I ran in their bedroom, and my mom was blowing my dad.

00:43:44.540 Can I say this?

00:43:45.900 Please.

00:43:46.620 My mom was like, honey, it's okay.

00:43:49.400 And she was, like, hugging me and breathing on me, and I thought, she smells like dick.

00:43:58.400 No, it was like a, you know, it was like a pheromone.

00:44:01.980 How did you know what dick smelled like about you?

00:44:03.540 Well, no, I mean, like, you know, a pheromone smell.

00:44:08.840 It smelled like sex in the air.

00:44:10.300 Yeah.

00:44:10.640 Yeah, I know what you're talking about.

00:44:11.220 It smelled like sex.

00:44:12.040 I had much the same experience-

00:44:13.860 I'm traumatized.

00:44:15.520 In a way, with my parents constantly making out, but it made me wretched.

00:44:21.600 I was wretched.

00:44:23.440 I think I was getting off on it.

00:44:26.460 I had a shower-

00:44:29.600 That's the difference between us.

00:44:31.000 You know the shower head with the different pulsating things?

00:44:36.300 Oh, I want to hear this.

00:44:38.560 We already know where this is going.

00:44:40.240 Does it matter if you hear it at this point?

00:44:41.240 I was in the shower, and I was like, you know, I took it off of that thing, the handle.

00:44:46.920 And I was like, ooh, wait a minute, that feels really good.

00:44:50.560 It's normal.

00:44:51.260 You know, my friend was a nanny.

00:44:53.460 Actually, Eli's wife, Michal, she's a nanny, and there was this little girl-

00:44:56.820 Can we say this?

00:44:57.400 Yeah, it's totally normal.

00:44:59.840 What makes me laugh is that all the lesbians, because, you know, my sister's one, and when

00:45:05.520 all their daughters do it, what they say, they say, you need privacy to do that, and you

00:45:12.700 need to go into your own room.

00:45:15.100 You can't do that in front of people.

00:45:17.500 That is your own private self and your own private parts.

00:45:21.160 Because that's only for you to do by yourself.

00:45:24.060 That's what you're supposed to say.

00:45:24.940 Wait, are they gay?

00:45:26.300 Are the twins gay?

00:45:27.780 No.

00:45:28.340 No, they're not gay.

00:45:29.480 Do they have boyfriends?

00:45:31.080 Yeah, lots of them.

00:45:31.860 Yeah, lots of them.

00:45:33.860 Well, one of them is a little bit more boy crazy than the other, I think.

00:45:38.480 They both like the boys which their moms can't handle.

00:45:41.780 Talk about karma.

00:45:42.780 I love it when she goes to her moms.

00:45:46.700 I'll have to ask my boyfriend if that's okay.

00:45:51.160 Wait, does Beanie watch this?

00:45:54.140 Yeah, but this was when the girls were like in third grade.

00:45:56.800 They would watch something.

00:45:57.920 The lesbians, liberal lesbians, it's great.

00:46:03.700 I never met Max.

00:46:06.940 Oh, God, it's so funny.

00:46:08.980 That is great.

00:46:09.960 When I met Max, we were at Zara with Beanie in San Francisco.

00:46:16.080 And then the gay guys, their grandkids, turns out to be trans.

00:46:27.060 Do you think gays are unhappy with the trans children?

00:46:33.620 Everything they've ever said about gender gets shoved up their butt.

00:46:38.600 Wait, how does that get shoved up their butt?

00:46:40.320 What are you saying?

00:46:45.860 Oh, God, it's so funny.

00:46:46.860 Wait, you're saying gay people would be unhappy with a transgender child?

00:46:50.020 Well, they're always talking about gender roles.

00:46:52.540 Yeah.

00:46:53.160 You know, and then here comes their kid.

00:46:56.460 But I think they would be more welcoming of a transgender child.

00:46:59.860 Well, they pretend to.

00:47:01.580 Yeah.

00:47:01.780 But they're like, what?

00:47:04.400 You're going to become a woman, but keep your dick so you can fuck women?

00:47:17.660 Huh?

00:47:22.740 Wait, is it chicks with dick?

00:47:26.240 It's just great.

00:47:27.540 I think gay grandparents would be okay with that.

00:47:30.620 I think it's more like the religious Christian guy.

00:47:32.460 Well, they try to be, but the point is, God's going to get you whatever.

00:47:36.340 You're going to be uncomfortable with whatever the fuck your grandkids.

00:47:40.500 Whatever you think you're missing and you're more progressive, Ben,

00:47:45.040 you're going to get it in the shorts no matter what the fuck from your kids.

00:47:48.960 My dream would be your sister's kids would become like super MAGA.

00:47:53.720 That would be my dream.

00:47:55.440 I try to get them all to go MAGA.

00:47:57.680 No, they won't do that.

00:47:59.280 I've tried too.

00:48:00.160 I think, whatever.

00:48:02.800 I think that would bother them more than having a chance.

00:48:04.760 No, I'm working on the MAGA thing and I did do it too and they won't admit it.

00:48:09.640 I got mama to go MAGA.

00:48:12.500 Beanie's MAGA?

00:48:14.120 Mama.

00:48:14.680 Mama.

00:48:15.680 Bubby.

00:48:16.160 Bubby's MAGA?

00:48:16.880 Bubby's MAGA.

00:48:18.280 Bubby went MAGA.

00:48:20.040 I would love that.

00:48:20.680 She should.

00:48:21.500 She's like the most Zionist of us all.

00:48:24.480 I know.

00:48:25.680 When the Chabad went MAGA, that's when the fucking left lost their shit.

00:48:32.440 I think so too.

00:48:33.160 I think Jews and blacks and Latinos tipped that election and obviously the Serbian.

00:48:38.260 Well, the Amish too.

00:48:39.580 That was what was really remarkable.

00:48:41.740 I didn't know that.

00:48:43.740 Yeah.

00:48:44.180 The Amish are the one that won the election because they rode on their horses, you know,

00:48:48.860 in my new show.

00:48:50.480 The Amish and the Native Americans are...

00:48:53.460 Well, I shouldn't say no more.

00:48:55.420 Let's say a show.

00:48:56.280 The Heroic Americans as well as...

00:48:58.560 No, because it's not official.

00:48:59.720 As well as the Native Hawaiians.

00:49:01.040 That's who saved this country.

00:49:02.660 I will tease it though, Shannon, if you'd like.

00:49:04.760 Yeah, I would love a tease.

00:49:06.440 Teases are fine.

00:49:07.780 Of what?

00:49:08.780 That you have a show that might...

00:49:11.660 It might...

00:49:12.300 Come about.

00:49:13.200 You might see it.

00:49:15.000 I might do it.

00:49:16.120 You might do it.

00:49:16.980 This is big news.

00:49:18.040 Or you might not.

00:49:19.440 You might not.

00:49:20.420 You probably will.

00:49:21.420 It depends on the anxiety level.

00:49:24.900 No, I...

00:49:25.720 Can I tell you something?

00:49:27.080 We all know right now we got to strap in.

00:49:29.300 You too.

00:49:30.840 If this show does have...

00:49:32.000 What do you mean strap in?

00:49:32.860 I mean, she's going to go crazy if she has to do this show.

00:49:36.560 She's going to go nuts if she has to do this show.

00:49:39.140 The next six, seven months.

00:49:40.920 You know how my mental health is affected by work.

00:49:43.520 We all have to be prepared.

00:49:44.680 And if you do do it, we all have to be...

00:49:52.420 It's only a two-month gig.

00:49:55.360 That needs to be longer.

00:49:57.080 You have to cast.

00:49:58.160 It's at least three months.

00:49:59.700 Yeah.

00:50:00.320 But we're getting ahead of ourselves.

00:50:02.100 I'm just saying, mom's going to go crazy because when she has to write and be creative,

00:50:06.000 she goes crazy.

00:50:07.120 That's her process.

00:50:08.360 When she's talking about running in circles, that's what she thinks.

00:50:11.100 I'm just wondering, like, what did you...

00:50:12.600 I was going to give a big speech in the morning and I didn't even wrote it.

00:50:15.180 Who cares?

00:50:15.960 You'll do it.

00:50:16.100 Well, here's the thing.

00:50:16.980 You do better under pressure, so you...

00:50:20.000 Under pressure.

00:50:21.160 But could you try one time to not...

00:50:22.760 Remember that song?

00:50:22.780 Do-do-do-do-do.

00:50:24.200 How does that go?

00:50:24.980 David Bowie.

00:50:25.700 Under pressure.

00:50:26.740 David Bowie.

00:50:27.600 Yeah, it is.

00:50:28.100 With Queen.

00:50:28.360 And Queen.

00:50:29.220 It's Queen.

00:50:30.200 It's David Bowie and Queen.

00:50:31.240 It's David Bowie and Queen.

00:50:32.060 And it was stolen by Vanilla Ice.

00:50:33.520 Under pressure.

00:50:34.640 Yeah.

00:50:35.020 I think Vanilla Ice is great.

00:50:37.820 And I'm tired of people fucking not giving him his props.

00:50:42.600 What I'm saying, Ma, is have you considered, now that you're in your 70s, you've probably

00:50:47.340 got maybe one more show in you, right?

00:50:49.080 Have you considered this time trying to not do the chaotic method and just writing peacefully

00:50:54.860 and working a couple hours a day and enjoying...

00:50:57.600 Have you thought about maybe trying a different approach or is it going to be you have to do

00:51:02.240 chaos?

00:51:03.700 I'm asking you as your son.

00:51:05.080 I mean, I'm trying not to go to the chaotic whirling dervish.

00:51:10.980 I can see it coming, though.

00:51:12.460 Not that you're acting bad or anything.

00:51:14.440 You've actually been amazing.

00:51:15.480 But I can see the pressure.

00:51:17.680 You're starting to realize you have to gear up for work, possibly.

00:51:21.060 And I know how you work.

00:51:22.180 I am starting to go crazy.

00:51:23.840 Yeah.

00:51:24.280 Do you think you could try this time to let...

00:51:28.080 My advice to you, I'm just going to say it, we have good people that are coming to help.

00:51:33.900 Let them do their part, you do your part.

00:51:35.800 Let them carry some of the burden.

00:51:38.900 Nah.

00:51:39.800 I'm going to fuck it up.

00:51:41.640 No, I don't want to fuck it up.

00:51:43.140 I don't mean fuck up the show.

00:51:44.440 But, you know, they are...

00:51:45.860 Your mind, I mean.

00:51:47.160 Men.

00:51:47.940 Right.

00:51:49.080 Oh, that's what it is.

00:51:50.520 So I have to deal with their fucking nonsense.

00:51:53.880 I mean, if I could get a...

00:51:55.480 If they...

00:51:56.020 Why don't they come up with a fucking vaccine for that?

00:51:59.500 For men?

00:52:00.440 Huh?

00:52:00.980 For men to not be dictarted?

00:52:03.020 Is that what you're talking about?

00:52:03.740 Chauvinism.

00:52:04.140 Or to...

00:52:04.900 I don't want to take the vaccine against them.

00:52:08.440 But they should be vaccinated for stupidity.

00:52:11.760 Men?

00:52:12.540 Against stupidity.

00:52:13.460 Against dictartedness.

00:52:15.920 Can I tell you a conversation I had with the two people that might be helping?

00:52:19.180 Because we have to be...

00:52:20.620 I know they're smart, but they're still men.

00:52:24.800 Not just smart.

00:52:25.760 They both said the same thing without knowing each other.

00:52:28.900 I wanted to tell you this.

00:52:30.040 Oh.

00:52:30.800 They both said...

00:52:32.440 Because I'm...

00:52:33.440 My role on this project, if it does happen, is keeping...

00:52:38.160 Peace.

00:52:39.100 Yes.

00:52:39.600 That's what I'm good at.

00:52:40.400 Oh, no.

00:52:41.040 That means he's going to cause me to ask...

00:52:43.120 No.

00:52:43.460 Not true.

00:52:44.260 No.

00:52:44.540 Pain in the ass.

00:52:45.600 Anyone who says, hey, I'm a genius, that means I'm getting fucked in the ass.

00:52:48.600 I didn't say I'm a genius.

00:52:49.600 He said I'm really good at it.

00:52:50.240 He did.

00:52:50.300 Anybody who says they're trying to keep the peace...

00:52:51.920 He's going to just be a liaison.

00:52:53.160 ...is going to double talk me.

00:52:55.080 Liaison.

00:52:55.400 I'm not double talking.

00:52:56.300 I'm telling you, this is my gift.

00:52:57.860 This is my gift.

00:52:59.200 But because I don't control people, I listen to them.

00:53:01.980 And I report.

00:53:02.700 That's what I do.

00:53:03.540 You yap like a sons of a bitch.

00:53:05.400 I know.

00:53:05.720 But let me just say what they said, then I'll stop talking.

00:53:07.360 That's what we do.

00:53:08.080 What they both said was, we know that there's going to be territorial stuff between them,

00:53:12.340 not you.

00:53:13.840 They're both creative people.

00:53:15.300 And they said, if that ever happens, we know who's in charge and who gets the final vote.

00:53:22.140 You.

00:53:22.840 Yes.

00:53:23.180 So there you go.

00:53:25.580 Oh, I hate there's animosity already.

00:53:27.780 Not animosity.

00:53:28.740 No.

00:53:29.000 Like, what's the rule?

00:53:30.080 We're going to work it out.

00:53:30.860 What happens if there is a territorial dispute?

00:53:33.320 Because they are men and they're dick-harded.

00:53:34.940 They say, we will defer to the boss.

00:53:38.560 It's done.

00:53:38.960 There's no stress.

00:53:39.480 They always say that, but then they're like, she's crazy and leaving us down the wrong road.

00:53:44.400 She's totally reacting out of PTSD, isn't she?

00:53:46.700 She has PTSD.

00:53:47.080 It is PTSD.

00:53:48.280 But you don't need it this time.

00:53:49.840 Why not?

00:53:50.380 That's what they always say.

00:53:51.400 Let's just try it.

00:53:52.280 Let's just try it.

00:53:53.020 Try it.

00:53:53.420 Well, okay, because at least this time, I'm not on my period, which is a great blessing

00:53:59.300 because, I mean, when you're on your period working with men, it's too hard.

00:54:03.780 She had the worst periods.

00:54:06.020 She would have to wear two different pads.

00:54:09.540 Shannon.

00:54:10.200 Now I'm traumatized like when your parents were fucking.

00:54:12.180 Shannon.

00:54:12.460 That's just bad.

00:54:13.300 That's just bad.

00:54:14.120 No, she had really bad.

00:54:15.260 Well, you were with me in New York when I had to get off that other ABC show.

00:54:19.560 Me, I was.

00:54:20.420 Because I played in the Daffy Bowl.

00:54:22.200 And I had to fly back and get a DNC.

00:54:26.900 And then I said, could you just go ahead and cut it all out?

00:54:29.000 Take it all out.

00:54:29.980 And can you write me a note that I can't return to ABC?

00:54:32.360 Can we tell the story?

00:54:33.400 Are we past the statute of limitations?

00:54:34.860 Because I've always wanted to tell this.

00:54:35.980 Can I tell the story?

00:54:36.600 Just let me tell the story.

00:54:38.880 But I'm muting you.

00:54:40.720 Just close your mouth.

00:54:41.740 She can tell it.

00:54:43.160 You don't remember the story.

00:54:44.580 No, I just want to say when she got up, we're all high watching her on Jay Leno.

00:54:50.380 And we're in the Ritz-Carlton, New York, and the pristine white fritté sheets.

00:54:58.200 She gets up, and it was bright red blood, like huge.

00:55:03.140 And she goes, oh, my God.

00:55:06.240 And I was like, eh.

00:55:08.000 And then she went.

00:55:09.680 And then you had that big, huge globule of blood in the toilet.

00:55:14.460 Yeah, there was a medical thing that did happen.

00:55:16.540 No, there was.

00:55:17.260 It was huge.

00:55:17.340 And we had a house doctor come to the hotel.

00:55:19.920 No.

00:55:20.900 I think you-

00:55:21.520 I was there.

00:55:22.760 I called downtown.

00:55:23.520 Shannon wasn't there, was she?

00:55:24.760 Yes, I was.

00:55:25.660 I was with her in the bed.

00:55:27.400 And I called downstairs, and I go, what do we do?

00:55:30.480 And he goes, you could go to New York General, which is like a ghetto, or you could fly home

00:55:36.660 to your own doctor.

00:55:37.740 I go, OK.

00:55:38.700 We flew home to our own doctor.

00:55:41.580 And doctor-

00:55:42.800 That's not at all what happened.

00:55:44.260 I know, Shannon.

00:55:44.920 I don't know.

00:55:45.180 Let me-

00:55:45.560 That's what happened.

00:55:46.640 Here's what actually happened.

00:55:47.560 No, you're so wrong.

00:55:48.520 I'm going to tell the real story.

00:55:49.580 We did a reality show.

00:55:50.900 Yes.

00:55:51.400 Me and mom were not happy with it.

00:55:53.780 Yeah, for one thing, they spent all the money in the first week.

00:55:57.540 Yeah, and we also found their character arc.

00:56:00.020 They came to us and were like, we're cinema verite, which means we won't manipulate.

00:56:05.640 We're just going to film.

00:56:06.980 We're documentarians.

00:56:08.360 And then we found their whole story arc.

00:56:09.720 It was like, this person's an idiot.

00:56:11.160 This person fucks over.

00:56:12.320 We found it.

00:56:13.080 You found it.

00:56:13.860 They accidentally-

00:56:14.700 They're so dumb.

00:56:15.820 They accidentally left the story arc on my desk.

00:56:18.580 And we're like, what's this?

00:56:19.380 Without telling me.

00:56:20.260 On a show I was producing.

00:56:21.720 Yeah, we were-

00:56:22.360 I didn't know this.

00:56:23.280 No, I look at it and even said-

00:56:24.580 The show I was owning and producing.

00:56:26.100 It said, Jake and Jeff, Tweedledee, Tweedledum.

00:56:29.660 So I was like, what the fuck is this?

00:56:31.140 And this was day one of filming.

00:56:32.620 We were retarded, so I give them credit.

00:56:34.740 But they didn't know we were retarded then.

00:56:36.580 So they had pushed it.

00:56:38.080 So I was like, what the fuck is this?

00:56:39.860 So the show comes out and it's not good.

00:56:42.520 And we weren't happy with the edit.

00:56:44.780 And it airs and it doesn't do well.

00:56:46.940 It could have been great, though.

00:56:48.360 It was starting to get great.

00:56:50.600 It was called The Real Roseanne on ABC.

00:56:52.080 You can look it up.

00:56:52.500 And it did not do well.

00:56:55.160 It premiered poorly.

00:56:57.160 And that night it premiered, we just felt pure evil, me and mom.

00:57:01.340 Like we knew it was bad.

00:57:03.420 They were spinning it bad.

00:57:04.820 Not just spinning it bad.

00:57:05.760 We knew the show wasn't great.

00:57:06.880 And we just felt evil.

00:57:08.320 And then mom starts bleeding.

00:57:11.020 And we're like, we have to go back.

00:57:12.400 So we go back to LA.

00:57:14.300 It is a legit medical emergency.

00:57:16.180 And she's not bleeding a little bit.

00:57:17.240 But I was in the bed with her.

00:57:19.020 Okay.

00:57:19.340 Well, you remember it was chunky, right?

00:57:20.740 So we go back to the doctor.

00:57:21.900 And the doctor says, you do a DNC.

00:57:24.580 You have a ton of fibroids on your uterus.

00:57:26.780 Sorry, I'm just going to tell you the truth.

00:57:28.640 And we were already trying to get out of the show.

00:57:31.540 And the ratings were bad.

00:57:32.580 And the reviews were bad.

00:57:33.480 And we're like, fuck.

00:57:33.920 But there was nine more episodes of hell.

00:57:36.960 And they wanted us to go on the promo or mom to go on the press tour.

00:57:40.620 And the doctor's like, look, you need a hysterectomy.

00:57:44.180 We can wait until the 10 weeks is up.

00:57:47.240 Finish your show.

00:57:48.460 Or I can do it now.

00:57:49.520 But you're not going to be able to finish the show.

00:57:51.960 And she thought we were.

00:57:53.100 I remember.

00:57:53.520 I'll never forget her.

00:57:54.580 I loved her.

00:57:55.320 She delivered some of Jenny's babies.

00:57:57.320 Lovely doctor.

00:57:58.600 And she said she thought we were going to be bummed.

00:58:01.540 And mom's like, can you put that in a note?

00:58:04.820 Can you call ABC and tell them I need to do this now?

00:58:08.300 And she's like, sure.

00:58:10.180 So we did an emergency hysterectomy.

00:58:12.520 Got out of the show.

00:58:13.940 Huge medical thing.

00:58:14.980 That's why we always tease.

00:58:15.920 Mom gave up an organ to get out of that show.

00:58:18.820 But we didn't have to do it.

00:58:20.000 We could have waited.

00:58:21.040 And then we got out of it.

00:58:22.340 And then it was canceled, I think, in two weeks.

00:58:24.060 Well, don't put that in here.

00:58:26.180 It's such a limitation.

00:58:27.640 Oh, right.

00:58:28.460 Yeah.

00:58:28.740 They were invested in doing a show to humiliate me and my family.

00:58:33.940 And I was producing it.

00:58:35.960 And they had their whole secret thing with ABC behind my back.

00:58:40.640 Which should have told me never to come back to ABC.

00:58:44.520 But I did.

00:58:44.820 ABC is like your abusive boyfriend that we keep going back to.

00:58:48.060 Yeah.

00:58:48.200 Yeah.

00:58:48.940 Yeah.

00:58:49.280 That was crazy.

00:58:49.920 That's a great analogy.

00:58:50.620 They're like Hamas.

00:58:51.880 Do you remember when Johnny.

00:58:52.760 They're like Hamas and I'm Israel.

00:58:55.320 Yeah.

00:58:55.620 No, remember the first week you dated Johnny.

00:58:58.980 Johnny and her just started dating.

00:59:01.180 No, I remember.

00:59:01.700 And it was a reality show.

00:59:02.880 And mom was getting her checks.

00:59:04.000 And she had to sign off checks, which she did with her accountants every week.

00:59:06.160 And they called Johnny in the room like, hey, we want to film this scene.

00:59:09.640 And so they have Johnny looking at the checks.

00:59:11.280 And then they went down and got a camera guy low.

00:59:13.480 So it looks like Johnny's looking over her shoulder counting the money.

00:59:17.280 Yeah, on purpose.

00:59:18.240 Like they did shit like that.

00:59:18.720 And then we didn't know.

00:59:19.380 We were partners in their cinema verite.

00:59:21.680 We didn't know until we'd see the edits.

00:59:23.480 But the opening theme of that show was the funniest thing.

00:59:26.860 Remember, it was me and Jeff in the studio.

00:59:28.280 And we were knocking lights over.

00:59:28.880 Wasn't it RJ?

00:59:30.620 RJ, yeah.

00:59:31.720 Yeah.

00:59:32.100 I don't want to say his name.

00:59:33.060 I don't want to give him credit.

00:59:34.000 But it was me and Jeff in the studio.

00:59:35.260 And we're knocking lights over.

00:59:36.400 And we're idiots.

00:59:38.020 Tweedledee and Tweedledee.

00:59:39.120 He flies the whole production crew to NYC to do a reality filming of me pitching a show

00:59:46.640 to network heads.

00:59:48.480 I was there.

00:59:49.200 He kills the whole budget in that first week.

00:59:52.080 Food network.

00:59:52.100 Yeah.

00:59:52.860 The whole marketing budget.

00:59:54.100 And the network folk says, no, we have no, we're not going to let you film that.

00:59:59.940 And he's like, huh?

01:00:02.200 Duh-haw.

01:00:03.200 Because he didn't pre-check it out.

01:00:05.600 He just flew everybody.

01:00:07.300 First class.

01:00:07.900 Oh, I didn't know that.

01:00:08.420 Because he's trying to fuck some chick that's on the crew.

01:00:12.360 I mean, how many, that's why I'm saying about dick tards, they're liars and thieves

01:00:17.980 and perverts.

01:00:19.060 And they think we're their dicks.

01:00:19.860 Men are liars, thieves, fucking perverts and degenerates.

01:00:24.480 All right.

01:00:25.080 We should, uh, unless you guys are having fun.

01:00:27.920 Yeah, I'm having fun.

01:00:29.060 We didn't even get to the sex part.

01:00:31.000 Let's do the sex part.

01:00:31.880 Is this going to, you can edit.

01:00:33.860 I'm not editing anything.

01:00:34.980 What do you want me to edit?

01:00:35.580 What about the sex, Shannon?

01:00:37.000 Wait, what do you want me to edit?

01:00:37.820 Don't convince me that I'm going to like sex again as I did when I, back when I was alive.

01:00:43.420 Yeah, I want to hear about this.

01:00:45.140 When you were alive, what, are you dead?

01:00:47.240 Back when I was alive and I had a sex drive.

01:00:49.460 Are you, are you dead now?

01:00:50.620 Well, my sex drive is dead.

01:00:51.780 The waist down, she's dead, she's saying.

01:00:53.920 So how, if.

01:00:54.640 The neck down.

01:00:56.320 If she gets her sex drive back, because you're on hormones.

01:00:59.640 If I get my groove back.

01:01:00.940 You just need someone to do your titty nipples.

01:01:05.140 Is that how you do titty nipples?

01:01:06.320 I'm going to try that tonight.

01:01:07.240 Does that work?

01:01:08.000 Mm-hmm.

01:01:08.320 Okay.

01:01:09.440 Practicing.

01:01:10.000 Well.

01:01:10.720 You have the implant, right?

01:01:11.740 They'll have to go in through my spine.

01:01:16.040 All right.

01:01:16.520 Oh, my God.

01:01:17.080 Under your insurance.

01:01:17.640 Because they're all inverted and shit.

01:01:19.480 Wait, do you still have the bandages on?

01:01:22.560 What?

01:01:23.140 Do you still have the bandages on?

01:01:25.040 Oh, yeah.

01:01:25.620 You know what?

01:01:27.720 What's this?

01:01:28.680 What's this?

01:01:29.720 Breaking news.

01:01:30.520 I was sitting in the house and we ranted there.

01:01:36.040 What happened again?

01:01:37.240 And she pulls this bandage off and it's one of those circular ones with blood on it.

01:01:41.700 She goes, what's this?

01:01:43.280 And I go, oh, my God.

01:01:44.360 It's a bandage with blood on it.

01:01:47.040 And she goes, oh.

01:01:48.840 And I lift up her shirt.

01:01:50.280 She's got six bloody holes in her spine.

01:01:54.620 You don't remember either.

01:01:56.060 From the steroid treatment for her spine because she has no cartilage, evidently, between her births.

01:02:02.760 Yeah, I forgot about going there.

01:02:04.480 Wait a minute.

01:02:05.100 Hold on.

01:02:05.720 That was like two weeks ago.

01:02:06.900 You still had the bandage on?

01:02:07.620 She's still.

01:02:08.340 They're still on there after.

01:02:09.280 They're still on there now.

01:02:10.880 Have you showered in the last three weeks?

01:02:12.660 I've showered, but they don't come off.

01:02:14.460 Did she really shower?

01:02:15.700 Yes.

01:02:16.180 I saw her shower.

01:02:19.040 Hold on a second.

01:02:20.100 I'm going to text the doctor.

01:02:21.700 It's been three weeks.

01:02:22.620 No.

01:02:22.740 They're still on there.

01:02:24.300 No, we got to take them off.

01:02:25.500 Two of them came off.

01:02:27.100 Honey, we got to take those off.

01:02:29.020 You got to let it.

01:02:29.620 Remember when they did that?

01:02:29.800 You can't wear a bandage for two weeks.

01:02:31.160 You got to let it breathe.

01:02:31.880 Yeah, I'm telling you, it was like two or three weeks ago.

01:02:34.160 You got to let it breathe.

01:02:35.240 I totally dissociated that I had all them shots.

01:02:38.200 Man, that shit hurt.

01:02:39.760 But you said it worked, right?

01:02:41.360 Did it?

01:02:41.600 It did work.

01:02:42.460 And the assistant, Igor, or whatever his name was, he goes, man, you really know how

01:02:49.720 to breathe through these shots.

01:02:51.440 I go, five kids.

01:02:52.820 Yeah.

01:02:53.120 I know my Lamaze breathing, motherfucker.

01:02:55.640 I know how to do this shit.

01:02:57.140 I mean, it seems.

01:02:58.020 So, do you still feel better?

01:03:00.280 Because I was just bent over like an old hag.

01:03:03.280 Yeah.

01:03:03.800 And I walked straight up out of that doctor's office.

01:03:07.120 Our doctor, Shannon.

01:03:08.900 He's coming to-

01:03:09.620 He is so genius.

01:03:10.520 We're going to have him as a guest.

01:03:11.600 Dr. Benny Boomba.

01:03:12.960 No.

01:03:14.140 He's coming to Olivia's birthday party.

01:03:16.460 Can I just say-

01:03:17.340 He's a genius.

01:03:17.880 He knows everything about everything Trump.

01:03:21.800 And MKUltra.

01:03:22.800 And MKUltra and the Nazis.

01:03:24.640 And he's a real doctor.

01:03:25.700 Like, he's an actual D.O.

01:03:26.900 He's awesome.

01:03:27.300 Anyway.

01:03:27.800 You know-

01:03:28.300 I want to hear about the sex drive, though.

01:03:29.980 No.

01:03:30.460 I want to say that X39 by LifeWave.

01:03:34.180 Can I just say that?

01:03:35.020 We don't have them as a sponsor, so.

01:03:36.660 I mean, if you want to-

01:03:37.520 But they might be.

01:03:38.500 No, they've asked for like two years.

01:03:39.860 Is that what you're on?

01:03:40.880 Yeah.

01:03:41.720 I have this sticker on my-

01:03:43.300 Oh, I think it's time to take it off.

01:03:45.080 What time is it?

01:03:46.500 I put it-

01:03:47.240 You leave it on for eight hours.

01:03:49.780 Oh, yeah.

01:03:50.180 I got to take it off.

01:03:50.640 If we're not getting paid, I don't want to talk about it.

01:03:52.260 No, but what-

01:03:53.260 You're going to get paid.

01:03:55.420 What?

01:03:56.580 RFK wears it.

01:03:57.820 And Hannah and Randy saw it, too, and said, oh, yeah, that's LifeWave X39.

01:04:03.680 No, I have some.

01:04:04.340 It's like stem cell things you put on.

01:04:06.000 Look, you put it on the back of your neck.

01:04:08.060 I got to put 40 or 50 of them on me.

01:04:09.840 No, I put it on the back of my neck.

01:04:12.040 I had arthritis in both knees.

01:04:13.840 Oh, yeah, she said it worked.

01:04:15.120 They were like, you need to get knee replacement soon.

01:04:20.520 And I could barely walk down the steps.

01:04:23.480 And then I made an appointment for the doctor, and I put those on, and I canceled it.

01:04:29.480 All right, we'll give them the sponsor.

01:04:30.680 They want to sponsor us.

01:04:31.740 LifeWave X39.

01:04:33.000 Well, I got to put it on my neck, too.

01:04:35.120 Yeah.

01:04:35.640 Now, does that make you horny?

01:04:37.860 No.

01:04:38.540 Can you tell her about the horniness?

01:04:40.180 Because she really wants to get her sex drive.

01:04:41.600 Yes, I know.

01:04:41.680 I don't want to get horny, but I want to know how it works.

01:04:44.280 Don't you think it'd be good for you to get your sex drive?

01:04:46.260 No.

01:04:46.500 Why?

01:04:46.780 Hell no.

01:04:47.500 Maybe you'll like working with men more.

01:04:49.260 No, I'll get involved with some fucking idiot.

01:04:51.780 Can I tell you something?

01:04:52.700 I wouldn't want to be around women at all if I didn't have a sex drive.

01:04:56.260 So I imagine it's probably why you hate working with men.

01:04:58.160 Yeah.

01:04:58.840 Maybe a sex drive, you'll be like, hey, men are kind of cool.

01:05:01.140 Yeah.

01:05:01.960 Maybe that's your problem.

01:05:02.500 Maybe that might help me.

01:05:03.460 Maybe you're flirty or something.

01:05:04.140 Because why would you hang out with the opposite sex if you weren't trying to get laid?

01:05:08.020 That's exactly what I think.

01:05:09.700 That's a great point.

01:05:10.000 I mean, not us, obviously.

01:05:11.100 Great point, Jay.

01:05:11.740 Well, but I mean, if they can write jokes, that's what I like.

01:05:14.140 Even so, if they write jokes and they're like, well, maybe.

01:05:17.060 And they're like, you know.

01:05:18.500 No, because I lied to myself my whole life with that.

01:05:22.280 That you were attracted to men you weren't?

01:05:23.800 Yeah.

01:05:23.980 No, that they would, I just, I always was like thinking, if I'm attracted to somebody, that's

01:05:31.620 never going to work because they're not going to be attracted to me.

01:05:35.780 You're crazy.

01:05:36.660 You're such a negative.

01:05:38.000 You're out of your mind.

01:05:39.000 You're very negative.

01:05:39.120 So I would think, well, whoever likes me, I'll have to go with them.

01:05:42.300 I used to have that.

01:05:43.160 I know what you're talking about.

01:05:44.020 It's called low self-esteem.

01:05:45.540 Self-deprecation.

01:05:46.780 No, it's called low self-esteem.

01:05:47.900 So I'd be like, oh, whoever likes me, if they're a fucking clown.

01:05:51.140 Yeah, at least I got someone that likes me, might as well.

01:05:53.000 Goddamn serial killer, what have you.

01:05:54.800 It's the same thing.

01:05:55.700 I got to go with them.

01:05:56.860 I know what you're talking about.

01:05:57.880 And I don't even like them, but they like me, so what the fuck.

01:06:02.160 Anybody I like ain't going to like me.

01:06:04.420 I know what you're talking about.

01:06:05.780 Well, I got on the testosterone.

01:06:07.800 For instance, like Richard Gere, there's no way I'm going to get him to like me.

01:06:13.140 Maybe.

01:06:13.600 I mean, he put a gerbil up his butthole.

01:06:14.960 No, that was a myth.

01:06:18.060 Can I just say, so I was on the testosterone and you saw me.

01:06:22.740 I was shaving.

01:06:24.440 I wasn't going to say anything.

01:06:26.140 He goes, can we put this on the package?

01:06:29.000 I was dripping blood.

01:06:30.620 I had blood all over my body.

01:06:31.900 No, you've always shaved.

01:06:32.960 We both always shaved.

01:06:34.040 I have like a huge cut.

01:06:35.900 And he goes, just say it's herpes.

01:06:37.980 Yeah, we'll say it's herpes.

01:06:38.960 No, it wouldn't coagulate.

01:06:40.980 Like I had blood dripping like a vampire.

01:06:43.840 She cut her face shaving before this podcast.

01:06:46.700 And I thought it was the funniest thing ever because she's on testosterone.

01:06:49.280 I had to use a new Gillette razor because that's my favorite Gillette.

01:06:53.780 We love you double-bladed Gillettes.

01:06:56.800 The blue one.

01:06:58.180 And I'm like, and then just blood.

01:07:02.060 And it wouldn't stop because alcohol thins your blood.

01:07:07.420 Oh.

01:07:08.300 Well, we did drink quite a bit this week, didn't we?

01:07:11.560 We always do.

01:07:12.380 Did we drink a lot this week, karaoke and carrying on?

01:07:16.140 What about that movie we watched?

01:07:18.840 That movie was a mind-blower, Baby Reindeer.

01:07:21.720 I agree.

01:07:22.500 Yeah.

01:07:22.720 It was, I got her to watch movies.

01:07:26.080 I didn't see the best sexual assault movie of all time.

01:07:27.040 Like it was the most honest.

01:07:29.400 Authentic.

01:07:30.160 Authentic discussion of what happens post-sexual assault that I've ever seen.

01:07:33.040 Yeah, I think so too.

01:07:34.000 Yeah.

01:07:34.220 And nobody talks about it.

01:07:34.920 They're like, oh, the fat chicken is great.

01:07:36.200 No, I know.

01:07:36.620 That scene and then everything that happens after was so fucking ballsy and brave.

01:07:41.200 But he downplays his own act of sexual assault though.

01:07:45.720 Absolutely.

01:07:46.400 He lets himself off the hook.

01:07:48.540 Well, you have to.

01:07:49.520 It's hard to love with yourself.

01:07:50.300 Yes, and then we watch, he sexually assaults a mentally ill woman and lets himself off the

01:07:56.020 hook.

01:07:56.300 Yeah.

01:07:56.640 We watched David and Goliath.

01:07:58.020 Yeah, that's true.

01:07:58.660 He did.

01:07:58.820 Oh my, yeah.

01:07:59.700 The Hounds of David.

01:08:00.960 The whole movie is to let himself off the hook for that.

01:08:03.940 You're right.

01:08:05.000 Yeah, because he's a man.

01:08:06.620 Well, he was also raped.

01:08:08.600 Yeah, but he's a man.

01:08:10.200 But I'm just saying, when you're raped, it's a change.

01:08:12.040 Yeah, well, that fucks you up, but.

01:08:13.980 Yeah.

01:08:15.260 Unless he did that.

01:08:15.940 No, he was sodomized horribly.

01:08:18.060 And it said, the scene is going to be troubling.

01:08:21.620 But then House of David.

01:08:23.960 Oh, we watched David, King of Israel.

01:08:26.260 She couldn't stop watching.

01:08:27.560 It was 4 a.m.

01:08:29.080 And I was falling asleep.

01:08:31.420 And she goes, hey, are you asleep?

01:08:34.420 And she binge watched House of David, which is about David and Goliath.

01:08:38.780 Yeah, I hear it's a very good show.

01:08:40.160 I like it.

01:08:40.940 I like that at the beginning they say, this is not historically or biblically accurate

01:08:47.420 in any way.

01:08:48.100 We're just embellishing.

01:08:49.220 We're embellishing the story when it makes sense for us to do so.

01:08:53.640 Character.

01:08:54.640 And I was like, Shannon, look at this.

01:08:57.480 Look at this.

01:08:58.200 Because they actually rewrite the words of God.

01:09:09.080 They actually rewrite the Torah and the words of God because they're Hollywood.

01:09:16.780 We got to watch the end again because we couldn't see it because it was too bright.

01:09:20.820 And I only wanted to see when he kills the fuck out of Goliath.

01:09:24.280 He does Goliath.

01:09:24.800 I wanted to see the special effects of that.

01:09:26.920 Yeah, me too.

01:09:27.780 But they really Hollywooded up the story with the – and it was really cultural appropriation

01:09:38.240 and racism and every other thing that Hollywood does to the Jews and to the Torah.

01:09:45.540 But some of it was good.

01:09:48.120 So I just concentrate on the good stuff like the Prophet Samuel and –

01:09:54.100 Although they Hollywood that shit up too.

01:09:57.360 Because the Jewish lore is fascinating.

01:09:59.520 No, I know, and I'm glad they did it.

01:10:01.620 And I was really glad to see the number of Gentiles involved in –

01:10:07.820 Rewriting Jewish history.

01:10:09.920 Yeah.

01:10:10.120 That's what a Gentile is.

01:10:12.400 Yeah.

01:10:12.680 And their viewpoint on it is sometimes amazing.

01:10:18.520 Profound.

01:10:19.540 That's why I like Christians.

01:10:20.760 There was a great analogy for her to be David fighting off Hollywood as Goliath.

01:10:28.660 Like Hollywood, Goliath, you're David.

01:10:30.480 Yeah, that's why I was like, uh-oh, I'm going to – my shit-com, as I call it.

01:10:36.860 There's a shit-com?

01:10:38.700 No, sitcom.

01:10:39.680 But, yeah, I got – whoa.

01:10:43.160 It was really –

01:10:43.460 I love the stuff you were writing me.

01:10:44.800 Yeah.

01:10:45.020 Even if it's – even if that becomes – however that manifests, I'd love it.

01:10:49.140 I'd love David.

01:10:49.760 Because I saw my story in that way, you know.

01:10:53.340 But –

01:10:53.900 Art imitates life, and it should.

01:10:55.640 Yeah, because we want to make it real personal because, you know, the Roseanne show was so personal.

01:11:00.420 That's the most relatable art and the most important art.

01:11:02.480 Otherwise, you're just jerking off.

01:11:04.520 Yeah, and, you know, they're saying that they're going to do a farewell, Rose – Connors, which –

01:11:11.720 Yeah, no, I sent that to you.

01:11:12.860 Is them stealing the Roseanne show?

01:11:14.440 I sent it to you.

01:11:15.520 Yeah, I mean, it's the last season.

01:11:16.860 And I'm like, oh, my God, what are they going to do?

01:11:18.060 A.I. me?

01:11:20.140 No, you know what they're doing that's really disgusting?

01:11:22.380 I don't know what they're going to do because I've never watched that shit show.

01:11:24.760 She said, oh, it's okay.

01:11:25.800 But what they've done is – and they'll deny it, but we know better.

01:11:30.120 They have teased that you're going to return in order to get their shit ratings up.

01:11:34.240 And I think that's the most – that's more disgusting than killing you and stealing your show, in my opinion,

01:11:38.560 is using you because they have such shit ratings.

01:11:41.060 Hey, Roseanne might return.

01:11:42.500 Dangle the carrot.

01:11:43.900 But it's like, hey, the person we stole the show from and we killed, they might return.

01:11:48.140 Well, she's not going to.

01:11:49.020 They've never asked.

01:11:50.060 So they're just dangling to get ratings up.

01:11:51.320 No, but I will go back on – I just want to send this message out.

01:11:56.340 10 million.

01:11:58.440 A second.

01:11:59.180 And an apology.

01:12:00.980 I've told you.

01:12:01.440 I want it – it's 10 million dollars or I'll do it free with an apology.

01:12:06.620 Yeah.

01:12:07.280 I think –

01:12:07.700 That you purposely twisted my words because you're anti-Semitic.

01:12:13.040 Or whatever the reason.

01:12:14.020 It doesn't matter.

01:12:14.540 Just that they purposely –

01:12:15.160 Because you're anti-Semitic and I said Muslim Brotherhood and you are Muslim Brotherhood.

01:12:20.900 So fuck you.

01:12:21.860 And – but I'll do it for free if you'll admit that Valerie Jarrett is the head of the Muslim Brotherhood and you want to destroy Israel and you hate Jews.

01:12:30.880 And you purposely twisted my words because of that.

01:12:37.860 I'll come on for free.

01:12:40.640 Wow.

01:12:41.260 You heard it here first.

01:12:42.060 I'll come on there naked.

01:12:44.320 That's right.

01:12:45.680 Yeah.

01:12:46.380 And that'll be the best ratings you've had since you kicked my ass out of there, you motherfuckers.

01:12:54.880 Naked as a jaybird.

01:12:57.040 The Rose Ambrose Podcast.

01:12:58.380 Is that the best rating?

01:12:58.780 So you see – oh, we didn't even do the sex thing.

01:13:02.800 Oh.

01:13:03.400 Well, do it.

01:13:04.520 Tell me the sex stuff.

01:13:05.660 I have to pee really bad.

01:13:07.080 We can wrap up.

01:13:07.820 Just tell mom once she gets horny what comes out of horniness.

01:13:11.620 Should we pee?

01:13:12.240 No, you can't take a break.

01:13:13.080 Just wrap it up.

01:13:13.640 Just tell her what comes out of horniness.

01:13:15.880 Horriness.

01:13:16.540 Whoops.

01:13:17.420 Horriness.

01:13:18.360 He said horriness.

01:13:19.340 Horriness slip.

01:13:20.160 Horniness.

01:13:21.200 What is – let's just say, do you feel more vibrant with the sex?

01:13:25.280 I do.

01:13:26.380 My sister-in-law is 74.

01:13:29.060 I'm 64.

01:13:30.120 She's going to turn 75.

01:13:31.420 I'm going to turn 65 and get Social Security and everything.

01:13:36.800 But it's – you know, other than cutting myself shaving, it's been great.

01:13:46.840 I have pictures of me that I want to – this isn't going to be visual, right?

01:13:52.540 This is a video podcast.

01:13:53.860 There's your cameras.

01:13:54.560 Oh, right, right, right.

01:13:55.420 I want to give you pictures of me, like, in my various wigs and outfits.

01:14:02.420 With –

01:14:02.980 Because – with what?

01:14:05.520 What are you showing?

01:14:06.580 Like, what the testosterone does?

01:14:08.100 No, I mean, like, my different looks for, you know, Saturday night, date night.

01:14:12.860 Oh, your sex night.

01:14:14.040 Yes.

01:14:15.120 She has sex night with her husband every Saturday night.

01:14:17.040 She knows that.

01:14:17.540 You put a lot of energy into, like, having a romantic – and you said that you, you know,

01:14:23.280 talk and you dance.

01:14:25.280 You have a lovely –

01:14:25.420 And we kiss.

01:14:26.440 I think that's so cute.

01:14:27.000 And we, like, you know, smoke some pot and have a couple drinks.

01:14:31.380 And, yeah.

01:14:32.360 And we just, like, light candles and stuff.

01:14:35.420 And we make it a whole night.

01:14:37.840 I think that's so cute.

01:14:39.160 Yeah.

01:14:40.020 And then –

01:14:40.660 How long do you have to have sex for, though?

01:14:42.500 Well, what?

01:14:43.580 How long do you have to actually have, like, pretend, like – how long do you have to

01:14:47.240 do the –

01:14:47.720 You sound like me now.

01:14:49.580 No.

01:14:50.280 Like, this sounds great for, like, 15-minute stops.

01:14:53.020 Is this hours?

01:14:53.780 Are we talking hours?

01:14:55.480 Yes.

01:14:55.740 That sounds horrible.

01:14:57.080 Because –

01:14:57.640 She's a tantric.

01:14:58.960 Oh, tantric sex is so – I don't get that.

01:15:01.760 I want to go to bed.

01:15:03.180 I want to be done about that.

01:15:03.660 Like, we'll start at, like, 8 and end up at 1.

01:15:08.520 But that's all, you know, all night talking.

01:15:11.700 Do you have sex and stuff and stuff?

01:15:13.600 Uh-huh, uh-huh.

01:15:14.600 And then I go change outfits.

01:15:17.280 Oh.

01:15:17.780 Does he orgasm each time or is he edgy?

01:15:20.120 No, no, no, no.

01:15:20.720 Not till the end.

01:15:22.140 What?

01:15:22.460 He holds off.

01:15:22.760 Is he a fucking god of men?

01:15:25.040 I can –

01:15:25.680 He holds off.

01:15:26.620 Minute and a half tops.

01:15:27.920 And then, like, I'll go put on a different outfit.

01:15:31.340 Like, I'll dress as a secretary with glasses and a bun.

01:15:35.400 This sounds horrible, Mom.

01:15:37.140 With a tie.

01:15:38.060 Doesn't it sound horrible?

01:15:39.120 No, but I like doing the outfits.

01:15:41.980 But I'm, like, kind of.

01:15:42.580 And then I'll do, like –

01:15:43.760 I go, what's your vibe?

01:15:45.280 You know?

01:15:45.700 And he'll go, cowboy.

01:15:47.260 You know?

01:15:47.640 And so I'll do a whole cowboy look.

01:15:50.020 But usually I have to make it up, which –

01:15:53.020 And he always says, I like it tight.

01:15:56.360 You know, like a tight dress and a blazer or whatever.

01:16:01.020 I mean, I think it's adorable.

01:16:02.160 But I –

01:16:02.600 Honestly, I'm tired even thinking about that for us.

01:16:04.540 Well, that's because you have young children.

01:16:06.040 Yeah, we don't have any children.

01:16:06.540 No, even if I was in tremendous shape, like, that does not do anything for me.

01:16:10.120 He's 70.

01:16:11.520 And I'm –

01:16:11.940 I've never wanted –

01:16:12.960 I mean, I don't want the sex thing to go 18 hours.

01:16:15.760 I want to go to –

01:16:16.320 I want to be done.

01:16:17.020 It's not 18 hours.

01:16:18.220 More than 30 minutes.

01:16:19.080 We only do it once on the weekend.

01:16:20.280 You know, but they only do it once a week.

01:16:22.620 And then Sunday, fun day.

01:16:23.860 They put a lot of plan, huh?

01:16:25.280 We do Sunday, fun day.

01:16:27.680 Is that sex, too?

01:16:29.200 Is that recovery?

01:16:30.860 It's like, you know, waking up, making breakfast, and then, you know, fooling around and laying

01:16:37.400 around and watching TV and stuff.

01:16:39.400 I mean, I think that's really sweet.

01:16:40.700 I shouldn't talk –

01:16:41.260 I just –

01:16:41.620 That's like a weekend affair.

01:16:43.560 It's lovely.

01:16:43.980 Yeah.

01:16:44.600 I think that's really cute.

01:16:45.440 Isn't that nice?

01:16:46.160 I think so.

01:16:46.920 That's so cool.

01:16:47.120 Thanks, honey.

01:16:47.880 No, I'm so happy for you and that you have those feelings for someone that returns them.

01:16:54.220 Yeah, me, too.

01:16:55.320 I waited 50 years for that guy.

01:16:57.340 That is – you did.

01:16:58.600 And I was always – I mean, my sex thing is just off the charts with horror.

01:17:06.520 Just all horror, shame, hideousness.

01:17:11.020 Never – I never felt comfortable having sex.

01:17:15.060 I want that to change.

01:17:17.160 Why?

01:17:18.400 It's too late now.

01:17:19.440 Because it's fun when it gets –

01:17:20.640 It's never too late.

01:17:21.380 When you get over it and you meet a good partner, it's fun.

01:17:23.420 You actually might enjoy sex.

01:17:25.080 Can you imagine enjoying sex?

01:17:26.700 You're a scorpio.

01:17:27.980 Huh?

01:17:29.160 Think about enjoying sex.

01:17:30.460 I mean, I didn't say I didn't enjoy it, but in a twisted, horrific way.

01:17:35.060 Well, that's enjoyment.

01:17:35.940 But everybody's like, oh, you know, you're beloved.

01:17:39.980 And I'm like, Christ.

01:17:41.040 Have you ever been with another girl?

01:17:44.920 She's like, my son – we don't care.

01:17:47.120 No one's watching.

01:17:49.000 Obviously, that's the gas fire.

01:17:50.420 In the reality of the world, in the real, like, earthling thing, I've never been with another

01:17:57.660 person.

01:18:01.180 That's hilarious.

01:18:02.060 Not really.

01:18:03.300 That's hilarious.

01:18:05.160 It's also sad.

01:18:06.820 I have.

01:18:07.400 Would you try –

01:18:08.140 I never felt like I was ever with anyone who liked me, who really liked me.

01:18:14.820 Oh, honey.

01:18:15.600 They were just – I just got with people who wanted someone to be mean to.

01:18:19.260 I feel like –

01:18:19.940 They wanted somebody to be mean to and, like, to blame or fucking kick around.

01:18:26.860 I feel like –

01:18:27.600 I don't know why I allowed that, but I did.

01:18:30.460 Bill –

01:18:30.620 Maybe it worked for you.

01:18:31.680 So worked.

01:18:31.960 No, listen.

01:18:32.660 Maybe it worked for you on another level.

01:18:34.180 Bill liked you.

01:18:35.640 You liked Bill.

01:18:37.220 You had three –

01:18:37.460 Not really.

01:18:38.760 No.

01:18:39.340 We didn't like each other at all.

01:18:40.880 I don't remember you guys liking each other.

01:18:42.480 I don't think we liked each other at all.

01:18:44.380 I think you guys liked each other, like –

01:18:47.220 Friends?

01:18:47.660 As friends, yeah.

01:18:49.160 I think we liked each other as friends.

01:18:51.400 Yeah.

01:18:51.820 And we liked each other as, like –

01:18:54.680 My dad.

01:18:55.200 Co-partners in life.

01:18:56.280 My dad.

01:18:56.600 No, we liked each other that – we admired each other's writing.

01:19:01.380 Yeah, you guys – you had admiration for each other.

01:19:03.740 In some ways, but he was just – oh, God.

01:19:08.940 He –

01:19:09.420 That is just –

01:19:11.000 His dad you're talking about.

01:19:12.440 Yeah, that's true.

01:19:12.720 Your dad is like – I didn't know he was a reptile.

01:19:16.740 Yeah, you always say that to me.

01:19:17.780 I always – yeah.

01:19:18.500 You know, I –

01:19:19.780 Do you see your dad very often?

01:19:22.000 No.

01:19:22.460 He lives not far away.

01:19:24.040 I know.

01:19:24.440 He moved to Texas where he lives.

01:19:25.320 That's so fucked up.

01:19:26.940 He's not able to travel.

01:19:28.700 No, he's a reptilian.

01:19:30.940 How old is he?

01:19:33.240 73 going on 100.

01:19:35.340 He hates Trump.

01:19:36.660 Okay.

01:19:37.180 He hates Trump's guts.

01:19:38.500 I know.

01:19:39.140 I know.

01:19:39.800 He thinks he was Hillary and then Kamala.

01:19:43.620 I mean the fucking guy.

01:19:44.880 It's not that.

01:19:44.900 He's writing 87 – or 86.45 on dollar bills.

01:19:50.180 On dollar bills.

01:19:50.800 Which means kill Trump.

01:19:50.820 What is 86.45?

01:19:52.200 86 is kill.

01:19:53.560 Like 86 –

01:19:54.200 Oh, yeah.

01:19:55.120 Like when we worked in the –

01:19:57.600 If you ever get a dollar bill, it says 86.45.

01:19:59.840 Remember when you're a waitress, this dish is 86.

01:20:05.380 Okay.

01:20:07.380 John, last year at 70, went down the double diamonds on the mountain.

01:20:14.300 Invale.

01:20:14.600 Invale.

01:20:15.140 Yeah.

01:20:15.700 It's impressive.

01:20:15.940 I mean after triple bypass.

01:20:19.580 So, it's all in what you think and your dad has like succumbed to –

01:20:27.360 Yeah.

01:20:28.380 He's accepted his old age.

01:20:29.580 He doesn't watch this, does he?

01:20:31.120 Yeah.

01:20:31.580 He does?

01:20:32.160 No, I'm kidding.

01:20:32.620 He doesn't watch this, no.

01:20:33.860 No, he succumbed to Satan.

01:20:35.780 But he wants to come on to promote his book and I told him we would let him, but it's

01:20:39.060 obviously your call.

01:20:40.420 I think it would be the greatest episode of all times.

01:20:42.640 You should have him.

01:20:43.600 I mean he wouldn't be able to stand me going off on him.

01:20:46.400 But what podcast would be better than mother, son, and dad when you guys have been divorced

01:20:51.280 for three years?

01:20:52.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

01:20:52.420 I love it.

01:20:53.300 You got it.

01:20:53.720 The dynamic has never been seen.

01:20:54.600 I'd have to call him out for his being fucking Hamas.

01:20:57.740 No, I would love it.

01:20:58.720 Personally, I would love it.

01:21:00.080 How do you think he would react?

01:21:01.900 He doesn't even help.

01:21:02.300 He would freak out and walk out and punch the drywall like he did when I was a kid.

01:21:05.060 I'll knock his fucking ass out and that isn't no allegory.

01:21:09.000 I know.

01:21:09.240 I'll jump on his fucking ball head and kick it through the wall.

01:21:13.360 I will.

01:21:14.320 I know you will.

01:21:14.740 You know, I will go violent on your dad.

01:21:16.720 Oh, maybe you better not.

01:21:18.380 I have thrown so many things at your dad in his lifetime.

01:21:21.540 I remember when you pulled a drawer.

01:21:22.840 We were in a room, me and my sisters, and mom pulled an entire...

01:21:25.100 I could tell by the sound.

01:21:27.040 Apparently, she had pulled an entire dresser drawer and emptied the contents.

01:21:31.300 And I think you threw the drawer at his head or all the contents.

01:21:34.380 We heard every content in the drawer.

01:21:36.080 I emptied each drawer and then threw the fucking dresser at his ass.

01:21:40.940 I heard that.

01:21:41.580 Yeah, we were in the other room holding each other, me and my sisters.

01:21:43.800 And you did the clothes and the pool.

01:21:46.020 You're violent, dude.

01:21:47.040 I am violent.

01:21:48.400 That's why I always marry violent men.

01:21:50.380 I don't think you should have a mind.

01:21:51.560 I want to get them going so they'll swing at me and then I can shoot their ass.

01:21:57.220 I have a violent streak to myself.

01:22:00.960 That's why I try to pray to God to get it out of me.

01:22:04.600 Because I was raised in a violent household.

01:22:07.020 Nobody better fuck with me.

01:22:08.540 Maybe you should put him in like a fenced in thing.

01:22:11.700 No, I think you should beat the shit out of dad on the podcast.

01:22:13.880 I think it'd be the biggest podcast episode of all time.

01:22:15.400 I'll tell you what.

01:22:16.720 Just to show...

01:22:18.160 Peace.

01:22:19.160 I hope I ain't cursing myself here.

01:22:20.980 Peace.

01:22:21.660 Just to show my...

01:22:24.700 Love.

01:22:25.500 The self-mastery I've attained.

01:22:28.980 I will not beat his ass.

01:22:31.480 I'll treat him with dignity and kindness and peace.

01:22:35.100 Yeah.

01:22:35.700 Because I can do it.

01:22:36.760 Okay.

01:22:37.480 I mean, not as into that episode as well.

01:22:40.060 I think that would be epic.

01:22:40.140 I think that would be epic, honey.

01:22:42.140 To have Jake, his son, your son, and him.

01:22:46.560 We could work all our family time out on the podcast.

01:22:49.820 The triangle.

01:22:51.240 I'll fake it for the first 55.

01:22:53.680 Let's build it up.

01:22:54.580 Let's actually structure it beforehand.

01:22:55.880 And then in the end, I'll go nuts on his ass.

01:22:57.940 That would be the greatest.

01:22:58.620 Like I used to.

01:22:59.580 Fuck yeah.

01:23:00.800 Let's do it.

01:23:01.520 How's Becky?

01:23:05.320 Not good.

01:23:06.500 The both of them's nuttier and fruitcake.

01:23:08.520 Yeah.

01:23:08.960 I don't like that.

01:23:10.220 We goddamn love the fucking Democrats.

01:23:12.140 What are you going to do?

01:23:13.320 What are you going to do when...

01:23:14.740 What are you going to do when they come for you?

01:23:17.500 For you.

01:23:17.800 Bad boys.

01:23:18.720 Bad libs.

01:23:19.600 All right, everybody.

01:23:19.980 What are you going to do?

01:23:21.140 Love you.

01:23:22.160 Libtards.

01:23:22.760 Libtards.

01:23:23.000 Super feels.

01:23:25.580 Listen.

01:23:27.100 We just want the libtards to rejoin the human race.

01:23:30.540 We love you.

01:23:32.120 We pray for your souls.

01:23:34.040 For your minds to be retrieved from the pits of hell and to come back to the living.

01:23:40.320 And that's all we want.

01:23:42.240 That's all we want for you and for the world.

01:23:44.420 That you will retain your critical thinking and come back to the place of the human beings.

01:23:50.520 So you see, my patience is fucking running thin with you stupid fucking assholes.

01:23:57.360 In this synthetic world, we're trapped in...

01:24:06.360 So you see, my patience is growing thin with this synthetic world, we're living in...

01:24:24.400 You're a podcast listener, and this is a podcast ad heard only in Canada.

01:24:29.160 Reach great Canadian listeners like yourself with podcast advertising from Libsyn ads.

01:24:34.120 Choose from hundreds of top podcasts offering host endorsements or run a pre-produced ad like

01:24:39.260 this one across thousands of shows to reach your target audience with Libsyn ads.

01:24:43.760 Email bob at libsyn.com to learn more.

01:24:47.540 That's B-O-B at L-I-B-S-Y-N dot com.

The Roseanne Barr Podcast - April 12, 2025

Absolutely Fabulous w⧸ Shannon Hughey ｜ The Roseanne Barr Podcast #094

Episode Stats

Length

Words per Minute

Word Count

Sentence Count

Misogynist Sentences

Hate Speech Sentences

Summary

Transcript