The Roseanne Barr Podcast - Absolutely Fabulous w⧸ Shannon Hughey ｜ The Roseanne Barr Podcast #094

00:00:00.260 Greetings, earthlings and rose anarchists and animals who are smarter than any humans. 0.90

00:00:08.920 You know, today's just going to be a day where we just bullshit around and talk about what's going on in the world. 0.59

00:00:17.220 Try to have something light instead of all the darkness that I, you know, I'm obsessed with. 0.77

00:00:22.820 Yeah, you need a break.

00:00:23.780 Yeah, I need a break and so does everybody else in the world today.

00:00:27.620 Plus, my genius girlfriend, Shannon's in town and I always take a break from darkness when Shannon's around because she really knows how to be happy, which is really something genius.

00:00:44.400 Welcome to the Roseanne Barr Podcast.

00:00:52.040 Well, here we are back with Shannon.

00:00:55.780 Hi, Shannon.

00:00:56.560 Hi, honey.

00:00:58.180 Third time.

00:00:59.260 Third time.

00:01:00.060 Three is a term. 0.75

00:01:01.460 Yeah, three is a term.

00:01:02.620 Well, we certainly did have fun, didn't we?

00:01:05.220 We've been together for about a week.

00:01:07.180 Has it been a week?

00:01:08.580 Well, I got here on Friday and it's Wednesday.

00:01:12.400 You have no concept of time.

00:01:13.920 No, I don't.

00:01:15.040 Well, that's because she's always on her computer looking at doom and gloom and doom scrolling.

00:01:18.700 So that's why I'm glad you came.

00:01:19.940 Yeah, I'm not doom scrolling.

00:01:21.880 I'm like trying to weigh, you know, I'm trying to weigh what's happening and glean a way of looking at it to roll it back on itself with words.

00:01:34.380 I'm doing a lot of mental acuity work, you know?

00:01:39.280 I have the weight of the world on my shoulders.

00:01:43.520 It's up to me to save everything.

00:01:45.540 I mean, I really do feel that way sometimes.

00:01:47.880 Yeah, you did that podcast.

00:01:49.120 You talked about Candace Owens.

00:01:50.880 You got in a little backlash for that.

00:01:54.140 I got backlash for that?

00:01:55.880 Oh, yeah. 0.97

00:01:56.680 Just because I said she's a monster. 1.00

00:01:58.560 Yeah, and you apologized to her, which was really nice.

00:02:01.560 I did?

00:02:02.580 Yeah.

00:02:03.540 You did.

00:02:03.900 You told me to say that you were sorry and you only prayed against her, but you didn't really want to hit her.

00:02:08.640 Oh, yeah. 1.00

00:02:09.220 I did apologize for her saying I was going to slap her like a bitch. 1.00

00:02:12.800 Yeah. 1.00

00:02:13.040 That is not true because I never go outside.

00:02:16.660 But I would never take a violent act towards anyone.

00:02:20.860 Like when I said I'd slap Nancy Pelosi, that's just all allegory or what have you.

00:02:26.700 Or me.

00:02:27.260 You've said it to me all the time.

00:02:28.140 I know. 0.98

00:02:28.680 I always say I'll slap people.

00:02:30.520 But I never will really slap people, so I did apologize for that.

00:02:35.080 Yeah.

00:02:35.560 But, you know, I just will pray that God opens her eyes and she sees what the hell kind of projection she's up to.

00:02:47.660 Hey, man, whatever it is.

00:02:48.920 But it ain't good, whatever it is.

00:02:50.420 We're done talking.

00:02:51.240 We're going to take a break from the impending World War III, like you said, this week.

00:02:55.160 Shannon's here.

00:02:56.560 Shannon doesn't even know nothing about the world at all.

00:02:59.580 I do.

00:03:00.260 Well, she knows what's important.

00:03:01.800 She knows us weekly.

00:03:03.600 She keeps me.

00:03:04.860 No, no, no.

00:03:05.720 She keeps me informed of the real world.

00:03:07.240 I was gone for a month.

00:03:08.800 I went to Italy and then I did a job in Charleston, South Carolina.

00:03:12.780 And I didn't see the news for one month.

00:03:16.120 I didn't know anything was going on.

00:03:19.020 I just was living my life.

00:03:20.760 Did that feel any different to you than your regular life?

00:03:23.380 But I didn't have any drugs or booze with me.

00:03:28.840 My friends, no one drank except a bottle of wine at dinner, which I mean.

00:03:36.400 That must have been hard.

00:03:37.500 No, it was okay.

00:03:38.580 It was good.

00:03:42.480 You know, I just took a break from everything.

00:03:44.900 The news, the drugs, the sex, the alcohol, all the stuff that matters.

00:03:51.640 That's the stuff most people do on vacation.

00:03:53.860 But that's your normal life.

00:03:55.040 So when you go on vacation, you act like a normal person.

00:03:56.920 That's hilarious.

00:03:57.560 I didn't know what was going to happen because I was asked to go, all expenses paid, and I

00:04:05.500 didn't know the two other people.

00:04:07.060 One was a lib.

00:04:09.420 And I got in a fight with her, I told you.

00:04:13.060 She started talking about Hamas and stuff and the Gaza Strip.

00:04:18.280 And I go, they should think out of the box and do what Trump said and make it all into

00:04:22.920 a beachfront community.

00:04:24.260 And everyone can have a beautiful place to live and jobs.

00:04:28.100 And she goes, how dare you? 0.96

00:04:32.020 That's their homes.

00:04:33.860 And that's their land.

00:04:35.240 And I said, it's a pile of rubble.

00:04:38.620 And then the girl in the car, we're in like a cab all together tight.

00:04:43.900 She's texting me, stop fighting with her.

00:04:49.480 That's awesome.

00:04:50.360 But you did go to the Vatican and you were impressed, right?

00:04:54.540 Because you had never been to Rome before?

00:04:57.480 No, I went with Marco when I was 33 and now I was 64.

00:05:05.720 Do the math.

00:05:07.700 But those ladies were all really rich, right? 1.00

00:05:11.000 Mm-hmm.

00:05:11.340 And didn't they go buy in Gucci and all that stuff?

00:05:15.680 Yeah.

00:05:16.240 And they wanted to go to Gucci.

00:05:18.540 And I'm like, can I just go to Zara and H&M?

00:05:21.460 And they're like, they're all like standing in the corner with their arms folded.

00:05:28.440 Did you go with them into Gucci and look at all that stuff?

00:05:31.260 I went into Gucci and saw that they had a Gucci museum and they were shopping.

00:05:36.180 And I went to the Gucci museum.

00:05:37.660 You didn't even see what was for sale over there?

00:05:41.120 I can't afford Gucci.

00:05:42.280 Well, don't you want to look at it?

00:05:44.300 I can't afford it neither, but I like to look at it.

00:05:47.260 Plus none of it fits me.

00:05:49.080 You have that Gucci golden sequin thing.

00:05:52.440 God, remember the day I saw that and I was like, I'm going to buy that.

00:05:56.580 I don't care what it costs.

00:05:58.840 It's like three grand or four grand or something.

00:06:01.600 It was 10K.

00:06:02.800 Did you buy it?

00:06:03.900 Hells yeah.

00:06:04.720 She wore it in about 50 times.

00:06:07.300 She wore it in the Tom McDonald video.

00:06:10.780 Oh, that was the Gucci outfit?

00:06:12.580 Yeah, I've had it for 15 years, I think.

00:06:15.440 I circled around that store three or four times and I go, you're doing it.

00:06:21.020 Sometimes I'll go, you're doing it.

00:06:22.980 You ain't got nothing.

00:06:24.820 You're doing it.

00:06:26.020 Dude, you earned everything.

00:06:28.260 Oh, but I just fear wealth, you know.

00:06:32.500 Really?

00:06:33.260 What do you mean?

00:06:34.580 I fear like getting jewelry that ain't fake.

00:06:38.680 Still?

00:06:39.440 Yeah, I've seen, you have some really nice jewelry that you've got.

00:06:42.100 It's all fake.

00:06:43.100 No, you have, we went through it, the insurance.

00:06:45.520 There was some really expensive stuff.

00:06:47.640 What about your big diamond?

00:06:49.400 Is that still in the safety department?

00:06:51.080 Well, yeah, but I got rid of most of them.

00:06:53.320 I mean, it's from a long time ago.

00:06:54.680 Yeah, it was like 40 years ago.

00:06:56.460 You don't wear diamonds anymore.

00:06:58.540 I sold all them when I figured out all diamonds are blood diamonds. 0.99

00:07:03.420 I went, okay, I'm divesting myself of the bullshit world now. 0.96

00:07:08.600 You know, they do lab-grown now that are conflict-free. 0.95

00:07:11.800 They're not conflict-free.

00:07:13.400 They're crushed up, sacrificed children.

00:07:16.100 Oh, on Roseanne Bar Podcast.

00:07:17.820 It's true.

00:07:18.680 Ladies and gentlemen, that's what they do.

00:07:19.880 Really?

00:07:19.940 That's what they do.

00:07:20.820 A lot of people are getting the lab-grown.

00:07:22.920 I don't think they're crushed up, sacrificed children.

00:07:25.960 I'm going to look this up, but in the meantime, tell people about Super Feels.

00:07:29.140 Super Feels.

00:07:29.860 Okay, let me get comfortable.

00:07:32.460 I mean, this is good stuff, because we do drink a lot on this show.

00:07:35.200 This show is probably where we do most of our drinking, right?

00:07:40.320 See my water.

00:07:41.780 So now we're trying to be healthier, but anyway, I'll let you tell people.

00:07:44.140 Okay, yeah, well, I don't drink that much.

00:07:46.400 You look cute.

00:07:47.820 Can I just tell you how cute you look?

00:07:49.860 I decide what the hell.

00:07:51.240 I'm going to pretend I'm 12 again.

00:07:53.360 I love this outfit.

00:07:54.440 I'm in my second childhood.

00:07:56.380 That's okay.

00:07:57.240 I can't see your face.

00:07:58.540 Dementia, or whatever it's called.

00:08:01.160 Dementia.

00:08:01.940 Onset dementia.

00:08:03.440 Listen, sometimes I need to wind down after a long day, and I look forward to Super Feels.

00:08:10.680 Listen, sometimes I need to wind down after a long day, and I keep saying the same thing.

00:08:16.460 But I look forward to a glass of wine or a joint with friends.

00:08:22.360 But lately, I've been trying to cut back on the booze.

00:08:25.520 I'm always getting in trouble at Mar-a-Lago for drunkenly rushing the stage, climbing into

00:08:31.120 the bushes, or dancing on tables.

00:08:33.740 So now I have found a way to socialize without embarrassing myself or getting shot by the

00:08:39.420 Secret Service.

00:08:40.180 I've been swapping my booze with Super Feels Chill Vibes, an herbal tonic that helps me calm

00:08:47.760 down and relax without any alcohol.

00:08:50.840 Wow.

00:08:51.400 Chill Vibes is made with two powerful, all-natural botanicals designed to work effectively and

00:08:57.280 quickly.

00:08:57.800 Kray Tom is in the same plant family as coffee and has been used traditionally in Thailand

00:09:04.200 for centuries to help soothe the body and support mood.

00:09:09.700 And Kava delivers deep relaxation without making you feel sleepy.

00:09:14.760 It's perfect.

00:09:15.680 It really works.

00:09:16.220 For that stress-free, joyful vibe.

00:09:19.480 Remember when Phyllis Diller drank it in Hawaii?

00:09:22.240 Was that what that was?

00:09:23.040 We did Kava.

00:09:23.680 It just helps you feel good and fun.

00:09:26.740 My friends over at Super Feels are offering you 20% off chill vibes when you use code ROSANNE

00:09:33.260 at checkout.

00:09:34.140 To take advantage, go to getsuperfeels.com for 20% off.

00:09:39.940 That's getsuperfeels.com and use code ROSANNE for 20% off.

00:09:46.120 CB.

00:09:47.020 No, that's the next ad.

00:09:48.060 Oh.

00:09:48.560 Pause it.

00:09:48.980 Leave that. 0.85

00:09:50.360 No.

00:09:50.560 Phyllis Diller did it because they also have another one that's like more for like, 1.00

00:09:54.240 it's got like lion's mane in it and mushroom.

00:09:56.100 It sharpens you like a cup of coffee.

00:09:57.420 Oh, that's cool.

00:09:58.000 We ate lion's mane mushrooms this week.

00:10:01.060 This place, they have two.

00:10:01.960 They were terrible, by the way.

00:10:03.380 You didn't cook them good.

00:10:05.060 I know.

00:10:05.080 I was thinking you did them better.

00:10:05.520 I knew I should have cooked them.

00:10:08.040 I knew I should have.

00:10:09.620 Get on the microphone.

00:10:10.100 I told you it's butter, butter, butter.

00:10:12.300 I did a ton of butter.

00:10:13.640 Oh.

00:10:14.460 Don't move around the microphone.

00:10:15.540 Okay, sorry.

00:10:16.120 I'm talking into it.

00:10:16.740 It's a podcast.

00:10:17.260 I know.

00:10:17.940 Sorry.

00:10:19.080 Yeah.

00:10:19.480 They were soggy.

00:10:21.420 No, honey.

00:10:22.340 If it's in butter, you've got to cook them until they're crisp.

00:10:27.200 Cook it until it's crisp.

00:10:28.400 That was soggy.

00:10:29.820 Yeah.

00:10:30.160 Okay, wait.

00:10:30.500 It was like eating a mop.

00:10:33.140 It was horrible.

00:10:34.000 But superfoods, like the lion's mane stuff is actually really good for your mind.

00:10:37.960 So I don't think people eat it for flavor, do they?

00:10:40.640 I made it so good, didn't I, Shannon?

00:10:42.820 Oh, okay.

00:10:43.220 Mine was like a steak.

00:10:44.760 Yeah, it was.

00:10:45.500 Did you go to Central Market to get the mushrooms?

00:10:48.180 Oh, yes.

00:10:48.880 Shannon loves.

00:10:51.000 Did you see the mushroom section where they grow?

00:10:53.380 I showed her everything that there was there.

00:10:55.900 It's the best store in the world.

00:10:57.320 Best store.

00:10:57.740 That's why.

00:10:58.220 It's like an Erewhon. 1.00

00:11:00.200 It's like an Erewhon if it were an actual like grocery store and not just like Erewhon.

00:11:05.040 I don't know how to describe Erewhon.

00:11:05.960 Erewhon's like all those.

00:11:07.560 Erewhon is a meat market for vegetarians.

00:11:10.640 Yeah, that's a good line.

00:11:12.620 But this here Central Market is a dream come true for the aged as they're crawling through 1.00

00:11:20.360 every aisle looking for a bargain.

00:11:23.600 It's just wonderful.

00:11:25.000 Here's what I saw is we spent $400.

00:11:28.040 God, the cookie aisle.

00:11:28.880 We had four.

00:11:29.740 Their bakery aisle.

00:11:31.060 And I didn't allow myself to get anything sweet.

00:11:34.400 That's true.

00:11:35.600 But we spent $400 on Sunday.

00:11:40.720 And on Tuesday, I'm like, there's nothing to eat.

00:11:44.960 Yeah.

00:11:45.540 But we did have like all kinds of fresh.

00:11:49.280 Well, your French bougie wine.

00:11:54.060 Oh, yeah.

00:11:54.440 My wine was off the charts.

00:11:56.420 The food was probably $20.

00:11:59.180 No, it was good though.

00:12:00.720 No, it's the best grocery store ever seen.

00:12:02.200 No, it is.

00:12:02.380 It's beautiful.

00:12:02.760 Hands down.

00:12:03.620 Because it's actually a grocery store.

00:12:04.460 See, I always get on that Ben E. White Highway and go around in a loop for 45 minutes.

00:12:10.620 You got lost.

00:12:11.780 Why don't you use-

00:12:12.580 Why do I always-

00:12:13.660 I do. 0.99

00:12:14.360 I use that fucking- 0.99

00:12:15.300 But- 1.00

00:12:15.840 I use that fucking Waze and that shit. 1.00

00:12:18.240 Stop using Waze. 1.00

00:12:19.460 I told you that.

00:12:19.780 I don't know.

00:12:20.400 It's in the car.

00:12:21.400 No.

00:12:21.560 She has it in her car.

00:12:22.440 And it doesn't go right.

00:12:24.100 It doesn't tell me to go the right way.

00:12:25.920 And it made me go in a circle over and over and over.

00:12:28.880 No, and she was freaking out.

00:12:30.320 Yeah, were you screaming at Shannon?

00:12:31.740 I do that too.

00:12:32.080 No, she wasn't.

00:12:32.560 I wasn't screaming at Shannon.

00:12:33.740 No, she was-

00:12:34.300 I haven't snapped since.

00:12:35.820 Remember that one time?

00:12:37.280 I haven't snapped for years, have I, girl?

00:12:39.260 Did you tell him about that?

00:12:40.640 She did, but she didn't tell the podcast, I don't think.

00:12:42.880 You should tell your audience.

00:12:43.640 No, she hadn't until when I snapped.

00:12:45.560 Yeah, with the clothing lady. 1.00

00:12:46.020 Because you know I haven't snapped in so long.

00:12:48.280 Yeah.

00:12:48.460 You've been great.

00:12:49.360 No, you have been so-

00:12:51.640 Okay, so I met you in-

00:12:53.380 The Thorazine shots.

00:12:53.880 I met you in 19, huh?

00:12:55.120 Nothing.

00:12:55.860 They're working.

00:12:56.160 I met you in 1997 and-

00:12:59.620 I snapped all the time back then, didn't I?

00:13:01.880 On the talk show, yeah.

00:13:04.540 Everyone would be like, Shannon, you've got to go in and calm her down. 0.97

00:13:08.080 And that's what I do now. 1.00

00:13:10.520 And so I kind of know to let her vent, to let her scream, and get all of her angry shit out. 1.00

00:13:19.940 And then I go, okay, I understand. 0.99

00:13:23.680 So we're in a room, like a fitting room, and we had spent like two hours going through the whole Neiman Marcus. 0.98

00:13:33.320 Trying to find a fucking large- 0.96

00:13:35.560 This was for an event, right? 0.99

00:13:37.500 You had like-

00:13:37.880 No, no.

00:13:38.880 We were just shopping at Neiman Marcus, and there was a sale rack, and she got all kinds of cute stuff in her sizes.

00:13:47.060 And so we put-

00:13:48.680 And I kept giving them to the sales girl.

00:13:50.900 And so then we go into the room, the fitting room.

00:13:55.240 She was beyond a genius.

00:13:58.560 And the girl go, I go, where's all this stuff?

00:14:03.840 And she goes, oh, I thought you already tried it on.

00:14:06.580 And I go-

00:14:07.960 And no, but to say, how many times she came to get the bundles?

00:14:11.800 And I said, we're still looking.

00:14:15.260 Yeah.

00:14:15.340 You know-

00:14:15.800 She did do that. 1.00

00:14:16.780 I go, we're still looking, but we're coming.

00:14:19.460 We're coming.

00:14:20.360 We'll be there in a few.

00:14:21.660 And just in your defense, there were no clothes on the floor.

00:14:26.020 There was nothing like you had tried anything on.

00:14:28.560 We had hung stuff up. 0.95

00:14:30.500 And so then the girl comes in the room, and she's like, where the fuck's all my stuff? 0.95

00:14:37.900 She had put it all back? 0.96

00:14:39.720 She had put three quarters of it back.

00:14:42.780 Oh, my God.

00:14:43.380 And she goes, I've just spent like two hours looking for this whole floor for everything.

00:14:49.240 And you put it-

00:14:50.200 And she goes, oh, my God.

00:14:51.120 I'm so sorry. 1.00

00:14:52.000 She goes, what the fuck? 0.99

00:14:54.120 Like, I don't want you as my sales girl. 1.00

00:14:58.760 You got to get out of here.

00:15:00.180 And she was freaking out.

00:15:01.720 I can't remember.

00:15:02.320 Didn't she say her mom died or something?

00:15:04.340 No excuse.

00:15:05.020 That was somebody else.

00:15:06.540 Didn't she say, I'm sorry, with all the fires?

00:15:09.720 Yes.

00:15:10.560 Yes.

00:15:11.220 It was in LA.

00:15:12.480 It was during the fires.

00:15:14.020 She goes, I'm sorry.

00:15:15.200 My sister lost her house.

00:15:16.940 Yes.

00:15:17.220 That's right.

00:15:17.900 That was very good.

00:15:19.380 You remember.

00:15:20.020 Yeah, because it was horrifying.

00:15:22.060 You don't have dementia.

00:15:22.840 Anyway, she goes, I'm sorry.

00:15:24.880 I'm just not paying attention because am I calling my sister because she's just lost her house? 0.99

00:15:31.100 And she goes, I don't give a fuck. 0.99

00:15:33.560 And she said, she looked at my face and I was like. 1.00

00:15:38.320 No, I said, I don't give a fuck. 0.99

00:15:40.480 My sister lost her house too, but she still has to work. 1.00

00:15:46.960 Oh my God, that's horrible.

00:15:48.660 This is during the fires, right?

00:15:50.060 Like, they were still raging outside.

00:15:51.420 But we all still have to work.

00:15:55.000 And we're like in close proximity.

00:15:56.920 And then I looked at Shannon and she had her face like she used to have.

00:16:01.600 Horrified?

00:16:02.040 No, like.

00:16:03.960 That's like that.

00:16:05.760 She was like, okay, honey.

00:16:09.100 So then I go, you better get out of here to the chick. 1.00

00:16:14.540 You know, I'm like, we'll get, you know.

00:16:17.620 She goes, I want a new salesperson. 1.00

00:16:20.080 I'm not using you.

00:16:21.760 And I was just like, it's okay, honey.

00:16:23.580 And then she vented. 0.98

00:16:25.420 She did her thing.

00:16:26.540 And I'm like, I totally understand.

00:16:29.140 Yes, we had cultivated two hours of clothing.

00:16:34.460 And then we got a new girl.

00:16:37.880 And then she calmed down.

00:16:39.200 And she goes, oh, I feel bad.

00:16:41.180 Like, I haven't done that in a long time.

00:16:44.460 Yeah, I haven't seen it in years.

00:16:46.140 Were you stressed out that week?

00:16:47.280 It's been years. 0.99

00:16:48.180 I just fucking snapped. 0.98

00:16:49.660 Wait, didn't you forget to take your pills, Anthony? 0.99

00:16:52.380 Oh, yeah.

00:16:52.880 I hadn't ever took my pills.

00:16:53.840 Oh, yeah.

00:16:54.200 That's right.

00:16:54.840 Disclaimer.

00:16:55.500 Yeah.

00:16:55.680 No, I think I'm the one that asked.

00:16:57.520 Yeah, I missed my meds.

00:16:58.840 Yeah, I remember asking.

00:17:00.020 Because you do get a little crazy.

00:17:00.660 The one that I snapped, it's because I didn't take my pills.

00:17:03.700 Isn't it weird?

00:17:04.900 I always say every morning.

00:17:06.400 There's science to it.

00:17:06.900 Did you take your pills?

00:17:08.760 Did she go, yes?

00:17:09.080 No, I know.

00:17:09.760 I have it on my phone.

00:17:11.240 Time for your medications.

00:17:13.520 Medication time.

00:17:14.960 Like in Cuckoo's Nest.

00:17:16.300 No, I think I was the one that asked you that.

00:17:17.740 Because when everybody gets off their meds, especially if you go cold turkey, that's what all the school shootings are.

00:17:23.720 You do go nuts.

00:17:24.840 If you ever try and adjust your meds, you have to do it with medical professional in your court overtime. 0.84

00:17:28.980 You can't just skip a pill.

00:17:30.660 Wait, what about the ketamine?

00:17:33.700 Yeah, I mean, she's done ketamine.

00:17:34.820 Should we talk about that?

00:17:35.260 Yeah, and we've done a whole episode on it a few times.

00:17:37.260 She did a little tune-up.

00:17:38.140 How did that go?

00:17:38.700 You did a tune-up last week?

00:17:40.920 That's why you were on Austin.

00:17:41.760 It was the craziest.

00:17:43.920 You know how I don't live on the planet of Earthlings?

00:17:49.140 Yes.

00:17:49.660 I live on another.

00:17:51.400 Pleiades?

00:17:51.880 Nothing that happens to me happens to anybody else.

00:17:55.660 And I just have tried to ignore it forever.

00:17:59.260 But then sometimes it gets to be too heavy and I have to deal with it.

00:18:03.680 So it was, in the ketamine treatment, I saw this one very intricate pattern over and over and over.

00:18:13.020 Because, you know, it's like it's knitting your brain back together of all the severed loose parts.

00:18:18.720 Wow.

00:18:20.220 Was it a visual pattern you're saying?

00:18:22.380 Yeah.

00:18:22.780 Okay.

00:18:23.360 Like I meant, okay.

00:18:24.880 Great analogy.

00:18:25.980 So then I go from there to the rental house.

00:18:29.120 Yeah.

00:18:30.000 That was in the middle of a train.

00:18:32.900 Yeah, I'm sorry.

00:18:33.460 I wasn't there at that one.

00:18:34.500 But that was okay.

00:18:35.220 They swore to us it was quiet.

00:18:36.920 Train.

00:18:37.400 Well, the house is quiet.

00:18:38.740 But anyway, so I walk in.

00:18:40.460 I walk in, you leave, because I had to go immediately lay down because I get fatigued from that treatment.

00:18:47.580 Everybody does it, doesn't it?

00:18:48.560 Yeah.

00:18:48.760 You usually have to sleep the first day.

00:18:49.780 Yeah.

00:18:50.360 So when I woke up four hours later, I proceed to, you know, go out to get something to eat.

00:18:58.200 And by God, I swear, hanging on the wall by the kitchen is a painting that is exactly the pattern.

00:19:08.860 I haven't heard any of this.

00:19:10.080 That's amazing.

00:19:10.400 Wow.

00:19:11.020 I haven't either.

00:19:11.720 What was the pattern?

00:19:12.660 It was just a continuing black and white square thing.

00:19:17.940 Okay.

00:19:18.900 But that's crazy.

00:19:20.200 That's a sign.

00:19:21.040 What do you mean?

00:19:21.720 I was like.

00:19:22.760 She saw the pattern that she saw.

00:19:24.480 No, I know.

00:19:24.940 But continuing square pattern.

00:19:26.680 She'll show us later.

00:19:27.480 And it's probably like an Escher painting or something, I imagine.

00:19:30.340 Yeah, kind of like that.

00:19:31.560 So when you saw it, did it trigger something post-cadamina?

00:19:34.560 Or you just were like, wow, that's cool?

00:19:36.220 Or did you go back?

00:19:36.820 It was like, I feel, and with meditation too, that the more centered you become, the more,

00:19:44.480 and I gave this in my speech on Forum, the more you see that you're able to connect all

00:19:55.780 the synchronicities and the coincidences, so that you begin to see they're not coincidences.

00:20:02.560 And the synchronicities are the way to see how God moves in the world.

00:20:08.360 And he's like knitting all the ends together right now.

00:20:12.120 Oh, wow.

00:20:12.580 That's cool.

00:20:12.740 And so it was like all that.

00:20:14.840 Wow, that's cool.

00:20:15.360 And then I'm always on that planet trying to deal with humans, and they're like, would

00:20:21.340 you like fries with that?

00:20:23.460 Fries with your Coke?

00:20:24.760 Or they put your clothes back.

00:20:26.720 What?

00:20:27.140 Or they put your clothes back in the dressing room and you have to scream at them.

00:20:30.940 I'm like, I hadn't been out because everything was on fire.

00:20:34.520 Yeah.

00:20:35.000 Remember, and I went to the valley because I was watching everything burn.

00:20:39.520 And then the valley fire started the day we got there.

00:20:41.260 Yes, the minute I got away, it started a half a mile from that house.

00:20:46.140 But the Airbnb, so we put my mom in an Airbnb to recover because the ketamine treatment's an 1.00

00:20:53.220 hour from here.

00:20:53.580 Right.

00:20:54.020 Now Hannah told me.

00:20:54.400 We used to drive her all the way home, but she'd have to sit in the port. 1.00

00:20:56.840 Hannah had to sit in the car for an hour, winding before she got to bed.

00:21:00.040 She'd sleep, but I just felt bad.

00:21:01.480 So we put her in.

00:21:02.580 Yeah, that was good.

00:21:03.360 I trained her, but so I guess my question is, I've never done ketamine, so obviously

00:21:08.800 you trip when you're doing it, like you're tripping.

00:21:11.280 I filmed you, remember the fingers?

00:21:12.680 Yeah.

00:21:13.640 But when I pick you up, every time I've ever picked you up, you're actually okay.

00:21:17.040 You're a little wobbly.

00:21:19.020 Woozy.

00:21:19.460 Yeah, I just feel tired.

00:21:20.420 Yeah.

00:21:20.660 Yeah, woozy.

00:21:21.440 But when you go home and you wake up four hours later and you see a pattern, is it just,

00:21:25.860 are you remembering the trip from ketamine or do you start tripping again is my question?

00:21:30.520 No, it just blew my mind that it was there.

00:21:33.200 So you just, you recalled the trip and you're like, whoa.

00:21:36.360 Yeah, because it was so fresh in my mind.

00:21:38.460 Okay.

00:21:38.700 That's cool.

00:21:39.980 That's really cool.

00:21:40.420 That's really cool.

00:21:41.840 So everything's in it.

00:21:43.080 I don't know if it's cool as much as it's.

00:21:45.020 Profound.

00:21:45.860 Weird.

00:21:46.900 The weird, the weird word.

00:21:49.080 You know how they say wayward, but weird word.

00:21:53.460 The weirdness of things always in my life.

00:21:56.220 And I mean, I think God's really funny.

00:21:59.840 It's kind of a laugh there between me and God or something.

00:22:03.280 I've always felt coincidences like that were a nod from God.

00:22:07.260 But you know what, you guys, there are no coincidences.

00:22:11.100 There are only synchronicities.

00:22:12.960 You know, my best friend is my granddaughter.

00:22:15.460 And the other day I was getting her out of her car seat and the wind blew so hard, it knocked my

00:22:21.640 shoulder into the side of the car and it hurt like hell.

00:22:25.120 I try to avoid pain pills because then I will never leave my room ever again and I will go

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00:23:53.780 That makes sense.

00:23:54.780 Not every state is the same.

00:23:55.940 Not every state is cool.

00:23:57.520 We broke a big story last week.

00:23:59.200 I was going to say with Patrick Byrne that China,

00:24:01.460 I believed every word you said.

00:24:03.080 We haven't got to follow up on this.

00:24:04.280 Did you watch the episode?

00:24:05.480 Yeah, I did.

00:24:06.560 Chinese military, military intelligence in Serbia hacked our machines.

00:24:15.180 In 2020.

00:24:15.900 And they've done it for 25 plus years to destroy the West from the inside. 0.82

00:24:19.540 But I believe them.

00:24:21.180 In 75 countries.

00:24:21.860 Yeah.

00:24:22.620 I totally believe it.

00:24:24.600 So anyway.

00:24:24.980 Them Chinese are smart. 1.00

00:24:26.800 I guess eating fucking snake meat makes you, 1.00

00:24:30.200 and kitty cats and dogs and shit. 1.00

00:24:32.220 I've seen all them videos. 1.00

00:24:33.380 I guess it makes you smart or some shit. 0.99

00:24:35.880 Can I tell you, the first meal when I got there. 0.99

00:24:40.200 What?

00:24:40.640 They, you know, they had one of those lazy Susan things going around the table, 0.99

00:24:44.580 and there was like 10 of us at a table.

00:24:47.040 And the first thing I saw was deep fried baby birds with their wings.

00:24:52.660 Like, eww.

00:24:53.200 Yeah.

00:24:53.220 Oh, they dip them alive.

00:24:54.860 The French do that, though. 0.97

00:24:56.280 They're horrible. 1.00

00:24:56.800 The French do it, too, though. 1.00

00:24:58.060 And then they grabbed an eel out of the fucking aquarium thing and chopped it all up and fried it. 0.99

00:25:04.760 And it was alive? 0.99

00:25:06.300 Oh, they fried it?

00:25:08.280 No.

00:25:08.960 I like American Chinese food.

00:25:13.480 Like, I was like more rice and plum wine.

00:25:17.000 That's all I lived on.

00:25:19.020 You were there for how long?

00:25:20.400 Six months?

00:25:21.000 Three months.

00:25:21.580 Oh, three months.

00:25:22.220 And that's when Tony broke up with me.

00:25:24.680 No, you got married on the talk show.

00:25:27.800 You were married?

00:25:28.560 I didn't know this.

00:25:28.980 She got married on the talk show.

00:25:30.420 It was fake.

00:25:30.940 To a Janis Joplin Chandler married her and her boyfriend. 0.68

00:25:34.540 In Hawaii.

00:25:35.000 Remember?

00:25:35.540 In Hawaii.

00:25:36.500 And you said Johnny was jealous of him.

00:25:39.620 He was a very talented musician.

00:25:41.000 I loved him, actually.

00:25:41.300 Well, Johnny don't like nobody.

00:25:43.500 Yeah.

00:25:43.840 Will Johnny ever see this?

00:25:45.380 Yes.

00:25:45.740 He watches the movie.

00:25:46.040 Yeah, he'll see it.

00:25:46.640 Okay, cut this out.

00:25:47.920 No, Johnny's, Johnny, we've said good invention.

00:25:50.440 I love Johnny.

00:25:51.340 Johnny is great.

00:25:52.840 Johnny, with everything aside. 1.00

00:25:54.460 He's a cancer. 0.99

00:25:55.540 He's a big boy. 0.99

00:25:56.500 He can take it.

00:25:58.620 Seriously?

00:25:59.580 100%.

00:26:00.020 All right.

00:26:00.620 Okay.

00:26:01.020 So, anyways, you go marry Tony over in Hawaii, and the girl that married you, the girl that

00:26:10.680 married you was the Janis Joplin Chandler that was on the talk show, right?

00:26:15.560 Yes.

00:26:17.760 What was her name?

00:26:18.980 Linda.

00:26:19.100 I don't remember.

00:26:19.860 Linda.

00:26:20.240 Linda.

00:26:20.600 That's right.

00:26:21.340 Did you believe she was really channeling Janis Joplin?

00:26:24.480 I did.

00:26:26.300 And remember when me, you, and Doug did, I don't remember who it was, but she said you

00:26:34.120 and I were siblings, and we were medicine women by a creek, and I was your older sister

00:26:41.540 taking care of you.

00:26:43.440 Do you remember that?

00:26:44.660 No, not really.

00:26:45.660 No, not really.

00:26:49.220 In our past life or something?

00:26:51.220 Doug Rukavina was there.

00:26:53.420 What was Doug doing?

00:26:53.920 We loved Doug.

00:26:54.220 And she told him he was Michael the angel.

00:27:00.300 Oh, she did?

00:27:01.620 He was super sweet.

00:27:03.100 He had no bad intentions.

00:27:05.360 I loved Doug.

00:27:05.620 You said you're actually the angel, or you're, it was like you're Michael the angel, or, you

00:27:13.380 know, Michael.

00:27:14.700 I love Doug.

00:27:16.000 Remember?

00:27:16.440 I think he has a couple of twin daughters or something.

00:27:19.540 Twin daughters?

00:27:20.260 Mm-hmm.

00:27:20.580 He married a girl.

00:27:21.020 Did you remember Doug?

00:27:22.440 He has a weird family, too.

00:27:24.440 But he was my favorite assistant ever.

00:27:26.360 Because, remember, he could turn his legs backwards from the knee down and walk like that?

00:27:32.540 No, I don't remember that.

00:27:32.900 Remember he had double jointed from the knee down?

00:27:35.280 No, I do not remember that.

00:27:36.040 And he could turn his feet all the way around and then go walk like five or six steps with

00:27:42.840 his feet going backwards.

00:27:43.940 I wonder if that's good and bad.

00:27:46.560 No.

00:27:47.600 Like a gymnast.

00:27:50.340 Wait, sorry, we're getting off track.

00:27:52.000 The ketamine thing.

00:27:55.680 I never got to finish this.

00:27:56.300 Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:27:57.380 The patterns.

00:27:58.280 I want to hear more about this, because it's actually pretty deep.

00:28:01.180 You're talking about the interconnectedness of God.

00:28:02.940 I thought that was a cool thing.

00:28:04.240 Knitting the loose ends.

00:28:05.820 Yeah, you keep saying knitting.

00:28:07.720 I mean, you don't have to talk about it.

00:28:08.540 The loose ends together.

00:28:09.280 But I think it's interesting.

00:28:10.180 If you want to talk about it more, I'd like to hear more about it.

00:28:13.200 It helps.

00:28:14.000 Well, that's just what God's doing right now in the world.

00:28:17.100 I think so, too.

00:28:17.800 And it's helping reduce your anxiety.

00:28:20.000 Yeah, it has helped reduce my...

00:28:23.960 Well, it's not really my anxiety.

00:28:25.880 My anxiety is the only thing that keeps me going.

00:28:31.400 And for that to be reduced would not be good. 1.00

00:28:34.720 You're an anxiety whore. 1.00

00:28:36.600 Yeah, it keeps me going, you know. 1.00

00:28:38.720 It's your fuel.

00:28:40.380 Well, it keeps me going, because it's kind of like if I don't have anxiety to continue,

00:28:45.740 like in cartoons, where the characters, they're trying to run away, and at first their leg

00:28:51.520 spins in a circle, and they go, I get it.

00:28:55.160 If I don't keep on doing that, I will go down in the quicksand of the dark.

00:29:02.200 Wow. 1.00

00:29:02.580 The dark fucking depression and shit. 1.00

00:29:05.780 That's when you take the nap. 1.00

00:29:06.960 The dark fucking depression of the reality. 0.99

00:29:09.480 Have you considered that that's not the best way to be? 0.99

00:29:14.400 Yeah.

00:29:14.920 Have you ever considered an alternative?

00:29:16.960 I'm just...

00:29:17.340 I'm not trying to mean...

00:29:17.620 There is an alternative.

00:29:18.900 The dark horror of the reality.

00:29:22.480 You mean there's no way to just be at peace in the moment without either anxiety or depths

00:29:27.200 of horror?

00:29:27.840 There's no... 1.00

00:29:28.520 Only when she's fucked up. 0.99

00:29:31.560 I mean, I can't find it. 0.98

00:29:34.640 Have you ever tried?

00:29:35.860 Wait, I need to...

00:29:36.620 I have to be...

00:29:37.800 When I'm in anxiety, what are you doing?

00:29:40.280 She's fixing her hair.

00:29:41.060 She's shanty. 1.00

00:29:41.420 No.

00:29:41.920 She can't... 1.00

00:29:42.360 Well, she is my hair and makeup artist.

00:29:44.660 But you're a guest now.

00:29:47.320 You don't have to do that.

00:29:48.080 Yeah, you're off the clock.

00:29:48.760 No, but I wanted...

00:29:49.820 She's never off the clock.

00:29:51.180 No, I wanted to fix her hair.

00:29:52.360 One time, we were in the bathroom, because I was going to do an interview.

00:29:55.940 Howard Stern.

00:29:56.640 And we were in New York, was it Howard's...

00:29:58.660 No, it wasn't Howard Stern.

00:30:00.420 Because you were doing my makeup and doing...

00:30:03.120 Bothering me and chattering and doing...

00:30:05.600 Slamming my face and my lips and everything.

00:30:09.200 And incessant chattering.

00:30:11.480 And then...

00:30:12.140 And then a guy comes in and he goes,

00:30:14.560 Ladies, this is audio.

00:30:17.980 Wow.

00:30:19.600 Same thing.

00:30:20.580 It was audio.

00:30:21.320 It definitely wasn't Stern then.

00:30:22.180 Yeah. 0.99

00:30:22.740 And I'm like, fucking Shannon. 1.00

00:30:24.940 Man, this is on the fucking radio. 1.00

00:30:28.300 But I always want you to look beautiful like you... 0.99

00:30:31.420 You know, to your full potential.

00:30:33.860 But I'm just saying, have you ever considered that instead of the dusting up, chaotic, anxious,

00:30:42.180 riddled way that you consider it like you're...

00:30:44.460 Oh, but see, I'm only like that when I'm around people.

00:30:48.700 What happens when you're alone?

00:30:50.280 You talk to yourself.

00:30:51.640 Peace.

00:30:51.980 I understand that.

00:30:52.960 Praying, peace, lovely, sleeping.

00:30:56.440 Is that true though?

00:30:57.180 Because there's no way to know if...

00:30:58.600 Huh?

00:30:59.080 Are you sure you're nicer?

00:31:00.500 I mean, you're more...

00:31:02.460 No, I'm not...

00:31:03.900 I am, you know, always studying and reading and...

00:31:08.200 Yeah, you like...

00:31:08.760 Like today when we drove home, it was like an hour.

00:31:12.400 Yeah.

00:31:12.540 And we didn't really talk.

00:31:14.320 Yeah.

00:31:14.760 She likes to be alone with her morbid thoughts.

00:31:17.480 Yeah.

00:31:18.340 That's what I'm asking.

00:31:19.200 Is it really peaceful when you're alone or is it just like you're just stressed out about

00:31:23.420 whatever you're stressed out, but no one's talking to you?

00:31:24.940 Well, when I'm alone, I'm all talking to God.

00:31:28.520 Okay.

00:31:29.000 That makes sense.

00:31:29.640 100%.

00:31:30.200 That's good.

00:31:32.160 That's why she likes to be alone. 1.00

00:31:33.460 I'm like, I told you this was going to happen if you didn't listen to me.

00:31:38.360 I got it.

00:31:38.960 That's how I am with God.

00:31:39.300 So when people are around, you can't talk to God.

00:31:41.580 Yeah, they're interrupting the flow.

00:31:43.420 I understand that.

00:31:44.280 Okay.

00:31:44.600 Oh, yeah.

00:31:45.040 And that's when I'm getting all anxious because I'm like, wait, he's not able to see things

00:31:49.960 correctly without my constance.

00:31:51.900 That's what I was going to ask next.

00:31:53.700 You feel you have to control God.

00:31:55.380 Not control.

00:31:56.400 You have to help him.

00:31:57.360 You're like God's wife. 0.93

00:31:58.340 You have to nag him.

00:31:58.900 I am God's wife.

00:32:00.500 My sister says that.

00:32:02.340 My sister said that a long time ago.

00:32:04.980 And I guess I do feel that way.

00:32:06.860 I think every woman feels they have to nag a man. 1.00

00:32:09.160 And I love that you're so high up that you feel like you have to nag God. 0.98

00:32:14.620 I don't nag him.

00:32:16.280 What do you call it?

00:32:16.820 Well, I used to have material about it, or I'd say, I said this at a Norman Lear when

00:32:23.440 he was faking like he cared about America because he's a Democrat.

00:32:27.740 And I was like, yeah, I had a whole routine about God's wife.

00:32:32.460 Because, you know, it is in deep Torah about that.

00:32:36.320 And I said, she'd go.

00:32:38.940 I said, we've really been brainwashed to assume that God is a single parent.

00:32:44.880 I had that material.

00:32:48.320 And I go, you know, but this is the time where God's wife is like, hey, you know, I let you 0.99

00:32:55.140 take it for a long, but now I got to step in because look at them.

00:33:01.000 Nothing you're doing is helping. 1.00

00:33:03.280 They're fucking killing each other. 0.98

00:33:05.380 And, you know, nothing you're, you are going to do it my way now. 0.99

00:33:10.440 Like every mom has to step into every dad. 1.00

00:33:13.340 No, I agree.

00:33:13.900 This is actually an archetype that works.

00:33:15.480 And that is what it says is going to happen.

00:33:17.960 Wow.

00:33:18.260 One, the, you know, the middle way, which is what Torah always talks about, not to go

00:33:25.720 to either extreme, right or left, any extreme, stay in the middle.

00:33:30.080 The middle is the path of the mother.

00:33:33.320 And to ferret, which is the navel, which is mercy, all these things.

00:33:38.880 And that's what's coming back now.

00:33:42.160 That's why I say knitting the loose ends together.

00:33:45.460 That's cool.

00:33:46.060 Because it's the heart of, you know, the heart of the cosmos is the heartbeat of the womb. 0.76

00:33:54.580 I do feel God could use a wife. 0.98

00:33:57.860 Well, here I am.

00:33:59.220 All right.

00:33:59.660 Okay, thank you.

00:33:59.820 And, you know, I'm talking to them all the time, like, you know, here's what you got.

00:34:03.800 You must do, you know, and I say, you know, it's a tragedy that the only people allowed down 1.00

00:34:12.300 here to talk about, you are a bunch of idiot men that can't keep it in their pants for two 1.00

00:34:17.800 fucking seconds. 1.00

00:34:18.720 Yeah, they're always, like, molesting somebody. 1.00

00:34:20.180 And I'm like, and how come, you know, I'm talking and they're like, she's gross. 0.98

00:34:25.380 We can't listen to nothing.

00:34:26.880 She says, although everything she says does happen and occurs exactly as she says it does, 0.96

00:34:32.700 she's fat. 1.00

00:34:34.100 She has large, she has a large upper thigh. 1.00

00:34:38.040 I don't, it's just too much for me, but, you know, I keep on talking and I'm like, I'm

00:34:44.420 going to hit that sweet spot, whether, whether it's, I want it to be while I'm alive, so, because

00:34:51.200 I'm that bitter, but, you know, God will say, you know, it's going to be a long time after

00:34:56.480 you're gone.

00:34:57.140 I'm like, yeah, you would do that.

00:35:00.360 That's no fun.

00:35:01.300 You want it to happen when you're alive, for sure.

00:35:03.220 But then God, but then I interviewed Frank Zappa when he was dying, and I saw a change

00:35:09.500 then because I said, asked him, how do you want to be, because he overthrew communism.

00:35:18.360 His music overthrew communism.

00:35:20.160 Can I interject?

00:35:21.180 No.

00:35:21.560 No, I want to hear this.

00:35:22.380 And he, and I said, you've done so many heroic and unspoken things, because nobody gets it, 0.98

00:35:32.720 because they're a fucking bunch of dunces, but I get it, and how do you want to be remembered? 0.98

00:35:38.260 And he said, I don't. 1.00

00:35:41.680 Wow. 1.00

00:35:42.580 I don't give a fuck. 1.00

00:35:43.740 I'll be dead. 1.00

00:35:45.140 These people are too fucking stupid to get it anyway. 1.00

00:35:48.060 Holy shit. 1.00

00:35:48.620 But he goes, you know what does matter? 0.99

00:35:52.300 I lived to see the birth and the death of rock and roll, and that's all that matters

00:35:59.500 to me.

00:36:01.000 Was he happy about the death of rock and roll, or he just happy?

00:36:04.120 He just was happy that he lived to see the birth and the death of it, where it all just 0.98

00:36:10.140 fucking went corporate. 0.98

00:36:11.260 Yeah, no. 1.00

00:36:11.960 He was a thousand percent right.

00:36:13.360 Yeah.

00:36:13.460 I don't know if that's profound, and I should look up to that, or if I think that's-

00:36:18.640 I love that.

00:36:19.040 And he was smoking, too, and I go, hey, Frank, do you ever think to stop smoking since you

00:36:24.160 got cancer and you're dying of it and everything?

00:36:27.180 Why stop now?

00:36:28.400 This is the time to smoke.

00:36:29.600 That's how I always think.

00:36:30.360 That's kind of exactly what he said.

00:36:32.200 Yeah.

00:36:32.620 He's right.

00:36:33.320 You have cancer.

00:36:34.240 Let it go.

00:36:34.660 He took me to Gail Zappa's, Frank's house, and we went into his studio, which was mind-blowing.

00:36:44.040 He was obsessed with Hitler.

00:36:46.040 Yeah. 1.00

00:36:46.580 There was Hitler shit everywhere, like Nazi shit everywhere he called. 1.00

00:36:52.860 Really? 1.00

00:36:53.060 I don't remember that.

00:36:53.700 I don't remember that.

00:36:54.320 You don't?

00:36:54.400 I must have blanked that out.

00:36:56.180 I don't remember that. 0.81

00:36:56.840 I probably dissociated that the fuck away.

00:36:58.760 I don't remember that. 0.73

00:36:59.780 I don't remember no Hitler. 0.50

00:37:00.700 Even if he did, it would have been-

00:37:02.160 He took me to Gail Zappa's house.

00:37:03.940 They had a Hitler's house? 0.84

00:37:04.700 No, Gail had Hitler's house.

00:37:06.060 No, I'm kidding.

00:37:07.040 No.

00:37:07.760 It was his studio with gold records and all his albums.

00:37:10.280 No, a lot of people collect Nazi paraphernalia.

00:37:12.360 It doesn't mean they're-

00:37:13.640 Paraphernalia?

00:37:13.940 No, no.

00:37:14.480 Is that the word for paraphernalia?

00:37:15.400 I think it's Nazi paraphernalia. 0.80

00:37:16.320 No, I think it is called Nazi paraphernalia.

00:37:18.260 I really do.

00:37:19.060 Yeah.

00:37:19.440 There's people that collect it all the time.

00:37:20.780 Yeah, people collect it.

00:37:22.100 No, I would collect it.

00:37:22.920 I'd collect it, too.

00:37:23.980 I think he did it to be funny. 1.00

00:37:24.660 I'd like to collect Hitler's balls and hang them right on my fucking- 1.00

00:37:29.060 Wait a minute. 1.00

00:37:29.640 Did you guys see the CIA came out with the fucking- 1.00

00:37:32.160 And they said he got away. 0.99

00:37:33.700 He went to Argentina.

00:37:34.780 We always knew it.

00:37:35.720 Did you not know this?

00:37:36.620 No, I haven't heard it.

00:37:37.700 No, it's one of the-

00:37:39.380 He died in the 60s. 1.00

00:37:41.120 There's so much shit happening in this country. 1.00

00:37:42.280 After he went over there to Palestine with Arafat and they blew each other. 1.00

00:37:47.040 Hitler? 0.62

00:37:47.800 Yeah.

00:37:48.000 Did you add that or did that happen?

00:37:49.180 I didn't-

00:37:49.320 That definitely happened.

00:37:50.440 Hitler was by. 0.81

00:37:51.080 Oh, Hitler survived. 0.99

00:37:52.380 What about Ava Braun?

00:37:54.440 Was she just a beard?

00:37:55.240 She went with him, too.

00:37:55.940 No, no.

00:37:56.340 They got out.

00:37:57.160 They got to Argentina.

00:37:58.200 Because they never really found their bodies.

00:38:01.000 No, they just had to tell us a story.

00:38:04.740 He probably lived in New Jersey at the end.

00:38:06.240 He loved German shepherds.

00:38:09.120 That's the worst story.

00:38:09.660 He wasn't all bad.

00:38:12.040 I remember my one friend-

00:38:13.960 He wasn't my friend, but it was a comic and I can't remember his name.

00:38:16.980 He goes,

00:38:18.280 Hey, Hitler. 1.00

00:38:20.820 What an asshole he turned out to be. 1.00

00:38:22.820 I think that was Johnny, wasn't it? 1.00

00:38:24.740 Huh?

00:38:25.300 I think that was a Johnny joke.

00:38:26.420 No, it was-

00:38:27.260 I can't remember his name.

00:38:28.340 Do you know my favorite joke about the Nazis? 0.86

00:38:30.480 What?

00:38:30.880 It was Emo Phillips.

00:38:31.540 Remember him?

00:38:32.300 Yes.

00:38:32.620 I do remember him.

00:38:33.400 He said he was hanging out in New York.

00:38:36.000 No, was Emo Phillips with a long hair and he was kind of weird?

00:38:38.460 Mm-hmm.

00:38:39.120 He was talking about how his friend came to visit him in New York from Germany in the 80s

00:38:42.660 and they were at a bagel shop.

00:38:45.140 And his German buddy's like,

00:38:46.660 Man, we cannot get a good bagel in Germany.

00:38:49.700 These are amazing here in New York.

00:38:51.180 And Emo goes,

00:38:51.980 Whose fault is that?

00:38:53.700 It's my favorite joke.

00:38:55.120 I love that joke.

00:38:55.720 He was good.

00:38:56.360 He died.

00:38:56.960 He died.

00:38:58.180 No, Judy died.

00:38:59.000 Hey Siri.

00:38:59.840 Wait.

00:39:00.220 Judy Tannuda?

00:39:00.780 Hey Siri.

00:39:01.040 They were married.

00:39:02.180 Is Emo Phillips still alive?

00:39:03.220 Judy died.

00:39:04.520 We have one more ad if you want to knock it out and then we can really just hit the zone.

00:39:07.740 We're hitting the zone.

00:39:08.140 We're going to talk about sexy after 60.

00:39:11.120 Oh, yeah.

00:39:11.720 We want to talk about sexuality in your 70s.

00:39:15.740 This is the perfect ad for this.

00:39:17.520 Oh, good.

00:39:18.100 Because you know what?

00:39:19.540 Shanna's talking me into going on the coffee and the hormones and the suppositories and the-

00:39:25.560 X-Racks or whatever it is. 0.96

00:39:27.860 Well, try this first. 0.99

00:39:28.980 This might be better than injecting hormones into your butthole. 1.00

00:39:31.240 And maybe she says I'll have a sex drive again. 1.00

00:39:33.260 I certainly hope not. 0.99

00:39:34.720 I hope you do.

00:39:35.800 Come on.

00:39:36.520 Let me tell you something.

00:39:38.000 Getting older is inevitable if you're lucky.

00:39:41.300 And if there's one thing I'm not going to do, it's sit around drinking garbage coffee

00:39:45.400 while my cells age faster than our national debt.

00:39:50.080 That's why I started drinking 1775's anti-aging coffee.

00:39:56.280 Right here.

00:39:57.160 Look.

00:39:57.400 Yeah.

00:39:58.620 Take a seat.

00:39:59.100 Anti-aging coffee.

00:40:03.000 Professional.

00:40:04.240 Yeah.

00:40:05.140 Anti-aging coffee.

00:40:07.580 What is up with this?

00:40:08.800 I've never heard of such a thing.

00:40:09.640 It's their same bold dark roast that I love, but now it's infused with C-A-A-K-G, a compound 1.00

00:40:19.840 showed to support cellular health.

00:40:21.840 Can you believe this, Shannon?

00:40:22.880 And actually help reduce your biological age.

00:40:26.520 What?

00:40:27.140 In plain English, you will look younger than a Democrat baby blood drinking donor. 0.53

00:40:33.240 Wow.

00:40:33.680 I mean, it is safe and lab tested, and they're even rolling out biological age tests soon

00:40:40.700 so you can actually see the difference.

00:40:43.140 Wow.

00:40:43.460 I mean, F the plastic surgery we're doing.

00:40:48.560 All we need is this coffee.

00:40:50.920 I want the coffee.

00:40:51.400 You can see the difference.

00:40:52.640 You can get it right now in their longevity bundle, which is on sale for $99, normally over

00:40:58.900 $250.

00:40:59.760 You get two bags of anti-aging coffee, a rare Peabody roast.

00:41:06.440 That's the best.

00:41:07.860 The Peabody, you know, I had Peabody's coffee in-

00:41:09.820 You had a Peabody.

00:41:11.860 No, but I had the Peabody coffee on my farm in Hawaii.

00:41:15.200 Oh, yeah, it's good.

00:41:16.060 And then your brother-in-law tore them all out because he thought there's poison berries.

00:41:19.720 You had a Peabody award.

00:41:21.480 Peabody roast and some limited edition merch that doesn't look like it was designed by woke

00:41:27.260 interns with pink hair and 400-pound bodies. 0.87

00:41:30.960 If you care about your health, your mornings, and not aging like a banana in the sun, this

00:41:37.340 is the coffee you want.

00:41:38.500 Go to 1775coffee.com slash Roseanne and grab the longevity bundle while it's still in stock.

00:41:47.600 You better hurry.

00:41:48.320 There's a lot of old people that are after this.

00:41:51.820 Okay.

00:41:52.240 When I was in fifth grade, I found nude Polaroids of my mom that my dad had taken.

00:42:02.520 Okay.

00:42:03.140 And I was highly sexualized, I think.

00:42:05.600 From the Polaroids?

00:42:07.060 Well, no, because-

00:42:08.860 Will you hand her the ashtray?

00:42:11.200 Sure, honey.

00:42:12.740 Shannon, you can sit on the microphone and do all this.

00:42:15.600 Okay.

00:42:16.120 Well, I want to sit with you.

00:42:17.380 I know, but you're on the podcast.

00:42:19.060 You need to be near the microphone.

00:42:19.920 Okay, sorry.

00:42:20.620 And the camera.

00:42:21.560 Thank you.

00:42:21.740 That's how it works.

00:42:22.780 Thank you.

00:42:24.360 So I think I was highly sexualized because my bedroom and their bedroom was right next 0.99

00:42:32.500 to each other, and I could hear them fucking- 0.98

00:42:35.200 This sounds like a trauma thing. 0.99

00:42:37.440 Yeah.

00:42:37.920 But no, it made me-

00:42:39.200 But it's how you handle it that makes you traumatic or not.

00:42:42.560 Right?

00:42:42.980 No judgment.

00:42:43.340 And it was no big deal to your folk.

00:42:45.540 Did they know you could hear them?

00:42:47.040 Well, no.

00:42:47.140 Because that's traumatic.

00:42:48.140 No.

00:42:48.480 Because I, like, my dad would tuck me in every night and say, I love you, you know, and pull

00:42:54.380 the covers over.

00:42:55.860 And then in the middle of the night, like, I could hear my mom going, I'm coming.

00:43:02.340 I'm coming.

00:43:03.360 And I thought, where is she going?

00:43:09.040 Well, at least you made her complete.

00:43:11.780 That's cool. 0.97

00:43:12.320 And then my dad had all these, like, Playboy magazines that I found, The Joy of Sex, Lady 1.00

00:43:19.940 Chatterly, like, I was reading all that shit, like, I was in fifth grade going, oh. 0.99

00:43:25.360 All right. 0.99

00:43:26.140 That makes sense.

00:43:27.060 But when you say, I'm sorry, when you say you could hear them, like, you-

00:43:31.280 Could hear them.

00:43:32.300 Did they know you could hear them?

00:43:33.700 No.

00:43:34.140 Okay.

00:43:34.380 And then one night, I got really scared, because it was thundering and lightning, and

00:43:39.500 I ran in their bedroom, and my mom was blowing my dad. 1.00

00:43:44.540 Can I say this?

00:43:45.900 Please.

00:43:46.620 My mom was like, honey, it's okay. 1.00

00:43:49.400 And she was, like, hugging me and breathing on me, and I thought, she smells like dick. 1.00

00:43:58.400 No, it was like a, you know, it was like a pheromone. 1.00

00:44:01.980 How did you know what dick smelled like about you? 1.00

00:44:03.540 Well, no, I mean, like, you know, a pheromone smell. 1.00

00:44:08.840 It smelled like sex in the air.

00:44:10.300 Yeah. 0.89

00:44:10.640 Yeah, I know what you're talking about. 0.96

00:44:11.220 It smelled like sex. 0.76

00:44:12.040 I had much the same experience- 0.97

00:44:13.860 I'm traumatized.

00:44:15.520 In a way, with my parents constantly making out, but it made me wretched.

00:44:21.600 I was wretched.

00:44:23.440 I think I was getting off on it.

00:44:26.460 I had a shower-

00:44:29.600 That's the difference between us.

00:44:31.000 You know the shower head with the different pulsating things?

00:44:36.300 Oh, I want to hear this.

00:44:38.560 We already know where this is going.

00:44:40.240 Does it matter if you hear it at this point?

00:44:41.240 I was in the shower, and I was like, you know, I took it off of that thing, the handle.

00:44:46.920 And I was like, ooh, wait a minute, that feels really good.

00:44:50.560 It's normal.

00:44:51.260 You know, my friend was a nanny.

00:44:53.460 Actually, Eli's wife, Michal, she's a nanny, and there was this little girl-

00:44:56.820 Can we say this?

00:44:57.400 Yeah, it's totally normal.

00:44:59.840 What makes me laugh is that all the lesbians, because, you know, my sister's one, and when 1.00

00:45:05.520 all their daughters do it, what they say, they say, you need privacy to do that, and you 0.77

00:45:12.700 need to go into your own room.

00:45:15.100 You can't do that in front of people.

00:45:17.500 That is your own private self and your own private parts.

00:45:21.160 Because that's only for you to do by yourself.

00:45:24.060 That's what you're supposed to say. 0.98

00:45:24.940 Wait, are they gay?

00:45:26.300 Are the twins gay?

00:45:27.780 No.

00:45:28.340 No, they're not gay.

00:45:29.480 Do they have boyfriends?

00:45:31.080 Yeah, lots of them.

00:45:31.860 Yeah, lots of them. 0.88

00:45:33.860 Well, one of them is a little bit more boy crazy than the other, I think.

00:45:38.480 They both like the boys which their moms can't handle. 0.99

00:45:41.780 Talk about karma.

00:45:42.780 I love it when she goes to her moms.

00:45:46.700 I'll have to ask my boyfriend if that's okay.

00:45:51.160 Wait, does Beanie watch this?

00:45:54.140 Yeah, but this was when the girls were like in third grade. 1.00

00:45:56.800 They would watch something.

00:45:57.920 The lesbians, liberal lesbians, it's great. 1.00

00:46:03.700 I never met Max. 0.56

00:46:06.940 Oh, God, it's so funny.

00:46:08.980 That is great.

00:46:09.960 When I met Max, we were at Zara with Beanie in San Francisco. 0.85

00:46:16.080 And then the gay guys, their grandkids, turns out to be trans. 0.92

00:46:27.060 Do you think gays are unhappy with the trans children? 1.00

00:46:33.620 Everything they've ever said about gender gets shoved up their butt. 1.00

00:46:38.600 Wait, how does that get shoved up their butt? 1.00

00:46:40.320 What are you saying? 0.99

00:46:45.860 Oh, God, it's so funny. 0.98

00:46:46.860 Wait, you're saying gay people would be unhappy with a transgender child? 0.74

00:46:50.020 Well, they're always talking about gender roles. 0.88

00:46:52.540 Yeah.

00:46:53.160 You know, and then here comes their kid.

00:46:56.460 But I think they would be more welcoming of a transgender child.

00:46:59.860 Well, they pretend to.

00:47:01.580 Yeah.

00:47:01.780 But they're like, what? 1.00

00:47:04.400 You're going to become a woman, but keep your dick so you can fuck women? 1.00

00:47:17.660 Huh? 1.00

00:47:22.740 Wait, is it chicks with dick? 1.00

00:47:26.240 It's just great. 1.00

00:47:27.540 I think gay grandparents would be okay with that.

00:47:30.620 I think it's more like the religious Christian guy.

00:47:32.460 Well, they try to be, but the point is, God's going to get you whatever. 1.00

00:47:36.340 You're going to be uncomfortable with whatever the fuck your grandkids. 0.99

00:47:40.500 Whatever you think you're missing and you're more progressive, Ben, 1.00

00:47:45.040 you're going to get it in the shorts no matter what the fuck from your kids. 0.99

00:47:48.960 My dream would be your sister's kids would become like super MAGA. 1.00

00:47:53.720 That would be my dream.

00:47:55.440 I try to get them all to go MAGA.

00:47:57.680 No, they won't do that.

00:47:59.280 I've tried too.

00:48:00.160 I think, whatever.

00:48:02.800 I think that would bother them more than having a chance.

00:48:04.760 No, I'm working on the MAGA thing and I did do it too and they won't admit it.

00:48:09.640 I got mama to go MAGA. 1.00

00:48:12.500 Beanie's MAGA?

00:48:14.120 Mama.

00:48:14.680 Mama.

00:48:15.680 Bubby.

00:48:16.160 Bubby's MAGA?

00:48:16.880 Bubby's MAGA.

00:48:18.280 Bubby went MAGA.

00:48:20.040 I would love that.

00:48:20.680 She should.

00:48:21.500 She's like the most Zionist of us all.

00:48:24.480 I know. 1.00

00:48:25.680 When the Chabad went MAGA, that's when the fucking left lost their shit. 1.00

00:48:32.440 I think so too. 1.00

00:48:33.160 I think Jews and blacks and Latinos tipped that election and obviously the Serbian.

00:48:38.260 Well, the Amish too.

00:48:39.580 That was what was really remarkable.

00:48:41.740 I didn't know that.

00:48:43.740 Yeah.

00:48:44.180 The Amish are the one that won the election because they rode on their horses, you know, 0.94

00:48:48.860 in my new show.

00:48:50.480 The Amish and the Native Americans are... 1.00

00:48:53.460 Well, I shouldn't say no more.

00:48:55.420 Let's say a show.

00:48:56.280 The Heroic Americans as well as...

00:48:58.560 No, because it's not official.

00:48:59.720 As well as the Native Hawaiians.

00:49:01.040 That's who saved this country.

00:49:02.660 I will tease it though, Shannon, if you'd like.

00:49:04.760 Yeah, I would love a tease.

00:49:06.440 Teases are fine.

00:49:07.780 Of what?

00:49:08.780 That you have a show that might...

00:49:11.660 It might...

00:49:12.300 Come about.

00:49:13.200 You might see it.

00:49:15.000 I might do it.

00:49:16.120 You might do it.

00:49:16.980 This is big news.

00:49:18.040 Or you might not.

00:49:19.440 You might not.

00:49:20.420 You probably will.

00:49:21.420 It depends on the anxiety level.

00:49:24.900 No, I...

00:49:25.720 Can I tell you something?

00:49:27.080 We all know right now we got to strap in.

00:49:29.300 You too.

00:49:30.840 If this show does have...

00:49:32.000 What do you mean strap in?

00:49:32.860 I mean, she's going to go crazy if she has to do this show. 1.00

00:49:36.560 She's going to go nuts if she has to do this show. 1.00

00:49:39.140 The next six, seven months.

00:49:40.920 You know how my mental health is affected by work.

00:49:43.520 We all have to be prepared.

00:49:44.680 And if you do do it, we all have to be...

00:49:52.420 It's only a two-month gig.

00:49:55.360 That needs to be longer.

00:49:57.080 You have to cast.

00:49:58.160 It's at least three months.

00:49:59.700 Yeah.

00:50:00.320 But we're getting ahead of ourselves.

00:50:02.100 I'm just saying, mom's going to go crazy because when she has to write and be creative, 0.99

00:50:06.000 she goes crazy.

00:50:07.120 That's her process. 0.93

00:50:08.360 When she's talking about running in circles, that's what she thinks.

00:50:11.100 I'm just wondering, like, what did you...

00:50:12.600 I was going to give a big speech in the morning and I didn't even wrote it.

00:50:15.180 Who cares?

00:50:15.960 You'll do it.

00:50:16.100 Well, here's the thing.

00:50:16.980 You do better under pressure, so you...

00:50:20.000 Under pressure.

00:50:21.160 But could you try one time to not...

00:50:22.760 Remember that song?

00:50:22.780 Do-do-do-do-do.

00:50:24.200 How does that go?

00:50:24.980 David Bowie.

00:50:25.700 Under pressure.

00:50:26.740 David Bowie.

00:50:27.600 Yeah, it is.

00:50:28.100 With Queen.

00:50:28.360 And Queen.

00:50:29.220 It's Queen.

00:50:30.200 It's David Bowie and Queen.

00:50:31.240 It's David Bowie and Queen.

00:50:32.060 And it was stolen by Vanilla Ice.

00:50:33.520 Under pressure.

00:50:34.640 Yeah.

00:50:35.020 I think Vanilla Ice is great. 0.98

00:50:37.820 And I'm tired of people fucking not giving him his props. 0.97

00:50:42.600 What I'm saying, Ma, is have you considered, now that you're in your 70s, you've probably 0.97

00:50:47.340 got maybe one more show in you, right?

00:50:49.080 Have you considered this time trying to not do the chaotic method and just writing peacefully

00:50:54.860 and working a couple hours a day and enjoying...

00:50:57.600 Have you thought about maybe trying a different approach or is it going to be you have to do

00:51:02.240 chaos?

00:51:03.700 I'm asking you as your son.

00:51:05.080 I mean, I'm trying not to go to the chaotic whirling dervish.

00:51:10.980 I can see it coming, though.

00:51:12.460 Not that you're acting bad or anything.

00:51:14.440 You've actually been amazing.

00:51:15.480 But I can see the pressure.

00:51:17.680 You're starting to realize you have to gear up for work, possibly.

00:51:21.060 And I know how you work.

00:51:22.180 I am starting to go crazy.

00:51:23.840 Yeah.

00:51:24.280 Do you think you could try this time to let...

00:51:28.080 My advice to you, I'm just going to say it, we have good people that are coming to help.

00:51:33.900 Let them do their part, you do your part.

00:51:35.800 Let them carry some of the burden.

00:51:38.900 Nah. 0.99

00:51:39.800 I'm going to fuck it up. 0.91

00:51:41.640 No, I don't want to fuck it up. 0.80

00:51:43.140 I don't mean fuck up the show.

00:51:44.440 But, you know, they are...

00:51:45.860 Your mind, I mean.

00:51:47.160 Men.

00:51:47.940 Right.

00:51:49.080 Oh, that's what it is. 1.00

00:51:50.520 So I have to deal with their fucking nonsense. 1.00

00:51:53.880 I mean, if I could get a... 1.00

00:51:55.480 If they... 1.00

00:51:56.020 Why don't they come up with a fucking vaccine for that? 1.00

00:51:59.500 For men? 1.00

00:52:00.440 Huh?

00:52:00.980 For men to not be dictarted?

00:52:03.020 Is that what you're talking about?

00:52:03.740 Chauvinism.

00:52:04.140 Or to...

00:52:04.900 I don't want to take the vaccine against them. 1.00

00:52:08.440 But they should be vaccinated for stupidity. 1.00

00:52:11.760 Men? 1.00

00:52:12.540 Against stupidity. 1.00

00:52:13.460 Against dictartedness. 0.99

00:52:15.920 Can I tell you a conversation I had with the two people that might be helping?

00:52:19.180 Because we have to be...

00:52:20.620 I know they're smart, but they're still men.

00:52:24.800 Not just smart.

00:52:25.760 They both said the same thing without knowing each other.

00:52:28.900 I wanted to tell you this.

00:52:30.040 Oh.

00:52:30.800 They both said...

00:52:32.440 Because I'm...

00:52:33.440 My role on this project, if it does happen, is keeping...

00:52:38.160 Peace.

00:52:39.100 Yes.

00:52:39.600 That's what I'm good at.

00:52:40.400 Oh, no.

00:52:41.040 That means he's going to cause me to ask...

00:52:43.120 No.

00:52:43.460 Not true.

00:52:44.260 No. 1.00

00:52:44.540 Pain in the ass. 1.00

00:52:45.600 Anyone who says, hey, I'm a genius, that means I'm getting fucked in the ass. 1.00

00:52:48.600 I didn't say I'm a genius. 1.00

00:52:49.600 He said I'm really good at it.

00:52:50.240 He did.

00:52:50.300 Anybody who says they're trying to keep the peace...

00:52:51.920 He's going to just be a liaison.

00:52:53.160 ...is going to double talk me.

00:52:55.080 Liaison.

00:52:55.400 I'm not double talking.

00:52:56.300 I'm telling you, this is my gift.

00:52:57.860 This is my gift.

00:52:59.200 But because I don't control people, I listen to them.

00:53:01.980 And I report.

00:53:02.700 That's what I do. 1.00

00:53:03.540 You yap like a sons of a bitch. 1.00

00:53:05.400 I know. 1.00

00:53:05.720 But let me just say what they said, then I'll stop talking.

00:53:07.360 That's what we do.

00:53:08.080 What they both said was, we know that there's going to be territorial stuff between them,

00:53:12.340 not you.

00:53:13.840 They're both creative people.

00:53:15.300 And they said, if that ever happens, we know who's in charge and who gets the final vote.

00:53:22.140 You.

00:53:22.840 Yes.

00:53:23.180 So there you go.

00:53:25.580 Oh, I hate there's animosity already.

00:53:27.780 Not animosity.

00:53:28.740 No.

00:53:29.000 Like, what's the rule?

00:53:30.080 We're going to work it out.

00:53:30.860 What happens if there is a territorial dispute? 0.99

00:53:33.320 Because they are men and they're dick-harded. 0.98

00:53:34.940 They say, we will defer to the boss. 0.99

00:53:38.560 It's done.

00:53:38.960 There's no stress.

00:53:39.480 They always say that, but then they're like, she's crazy and leaving us down the wrong road.

00:53:44.400 She's totally reacting out of PTSD, isn't she? 0.85

00:53:46.700 She has PTSD.

00:53:47.080 It is PTSD.

00:53:48.280 But you don't need it this time.

00:53:49.840 Why not?

00:53:50.380 That's what they always say.

00:53:51.400 Let's just try it.

00:53:52.280 Let's just try it.

00:53:53.020 Try it.

00:53:53.420 Well, okay, because at least this time, I'm not on my period, which is a great blessing

00:53:59.300 because, I mean, when you're on your period working with men, it's too hard.

00:54:03.780 She had the worst periods.

00:54:06.020 She would have to wear two different pads. 0.74

00:54:09.540 Shannon. 1.00

00:54:10.200 Now I'm traumatized like when your parents were fucking. 1.00

00:54:12.180 Shannon. 1.00

00:54:12.460 That's just bad.

00:54:13.300 That's just bad.

00:54:14.120 No, she had really bad.

00:54:15.260 Well, you were with me in New York when I had to get off that other ABC show.

00:54:19.560 Me, I was.

00:54:20.420 Because I played in the Daffy Bowl.

00:54:22.200 And I had to fly back and get a DNC.

00:54:26.900 And then I said, could you just go ahead and cut it all out?

00:54:29.000 Take it all out.

00:54:29.980 And can you write me a note that I can't return to ABC?

00:54:32.360 Can we tell the story?

00:54:33.400 Are we past the statute of limitations?

00:54:34.860 Because I've always wanted to tell this.

00:54:35.980 Can I tell the story?

00:54:36.600 Just let me tell the story.

00:54:38.880 But I'm muting you.

00:54:40.720 Just close your mouth.

00:54:41.740 She can tell it.

00:54:43.160 You don't remember the story.

00:54:44.580 No, I just want to say when she got up, we're all high watching her on Jay Leno.

00:54:50.380 And we're in the Ritz-Carlton, New York, and the pristine white fritté sheets.

00:54:58.200 She gets up, and it was bright red blood, like huge.

00:55:03.140 And she goes, oh, my God.

00:55:06.240 And I was like, eh.

00:55:08.000 And then she went.

00:55:09.680 And then you had that big, huge globule of blood in the toilet.

00:55:14.460 Yeah, there was a medical thing that did happen.

00:55:16.540 No, there was.

00:55:17.260 It was huge.

00:55:17.340 And we had a house doctor come to the hotel.

00:55:19.920 No.

00:55:20.900 I think you-

00:55:21.520 I was there.

00:55:22.760 I called downtown.

00:55:23.520 Shannon wasn't there, was she?

00:55:24.760 Yes, I was.

00:55:25.660 I was with her in the bed.

00:55:27.400 And I called downstairs, and I go, what do we do?

00:55:30.480 And he goes, you could go to New York General, which is like a ghetto, or you could fly home

00:55:36.660 to your own doctor.

00:55:37.740 I go, OK.

00:55:38.700 We flew home to our own doctor.

00:55:41.580 And doctor-

00:55:42.800 That's not at all what happened.

00:55:44.260 I know, Shannon.

00:55:44.920 I don't know.

00:55:45.180 Let me-

00:55:45.560 That's what happened.

00:55:46.640 Here's what actually happened.

00:55:47.560 No, you're so wrong.

00:55:48.520 I'm going to tell the real story.

00:55:49.580 We did a reality show.

00:55:50.900 Yes.

00:55:51.400 Me and mom were not happy with it.

00:55:53.780 Yeah, for one thing, they spent all the money in the first week.

00:55:57.540 Yeah, and we also found their character arc.

00:56:00.020 They came to us and were like, we're cinema verite, which means we won't manipulate.

00:56:05.640 We're just going to film.

00:56:06.980 We're documentarians.

00:56:08.360 And then we found their whole story arc. 1.00

00:56:09.720 It was like, this person's an idiot. 1.00

00:56:11.160 This person fucks over. 1.00

00:56:12.320 We found it. 0.99

00:56:13.080 You found it.

00:56:13.860 They accidentally- 1.00

00:56:14.700 They're so dumb. 1.00

00:56:15.820 They accidentally left the story arc on my desk. 1.00

00:56:18.580 And we're like, what's this?

00:56:19.380 Without telling me.

00:56:20.260 On a show I was producing.

00:56:21.720 Yeah, we were-

00:56:22.360 I didn't know this.

00:56:23.280 No, I look at it and even said-

00:56:24.580 The show I was owning and producing.

00:56:26.100 It said, Jake and Jeff, Tweedledee, Tweedledum. 0.99

00:56:29.660 So I was like, what the fuck is this? 0.99

00:56:31.140 And this was day one of filming. 0.99

00:56:32.620 We were retarded, so I give them credit. 1.00

00:56:34.740 But they didn't know we were retarded then.

00:56:36.580 So they had pushed it. 1.00

00:56:38.080 So I was like, what the fuck is this? 0.97

00:56:39.860 So the show comes out and it's not good. 0.95

00:56:42.520 And we weren't happy with the edit.

00:56:44.780 And it airs and it doesn't do well.

00:56:46.940 It could have been great, though.

00:56:48.360 It was starting to get great.

00:56:50.600 It was called The Real Roseanne on ABC.

00:56:52.080 You can look it up.

00:56:52.500 And it did not do well.

00:56:55.160 It premiered poorly.

00:56:57.160 And that night it premiered, we just felt pure evil, me and mom.

00:57:01.340 Like we knew it was bad.

00:57:03.420 They were spinning it bad.

00:57:04.820 Not just spinning it bad.

00:57:05.760 We knew the show wasn't great.

00:57:06.880 And we just felt evil.

00:57:08.320 And then mom starts bleeding.

00:57:11.020 And we're like, we have to go back.

00:57:12.400 So we go back to LA.

00:57:14.300 It is a legit medical emergency.

00:57:16.180 And she's not bleeding a little bit.

00:57:17.240 But I was in the bed with her.

00:57:19.020 Okay.

00:57:19.340 Well, you remember it was chunky, right?

00:57:20.740 So we go back to the doctor.

00:57:21.900 And the doctor says, you do a DNC.

00:57:24.580 You have a ton of fibroids on your uterus. 1.00

00:57:26.780 Sorry, I'm just going to tell you the truth.

00:57:28.640 And we were already trying to get out of the show.

00:57:31.540 And the ratings were bad.

00:57:32.580 And the reviews were bad. 1.00

00:57:33.480 And we're like, fuck. 1.00

00:57:33.920 But there was nine more episodes of hell. 0.99

00:57:36.960 And they wanted us to go on the promo or mom to go on the press tour. 0.98

00:57:40.620 And the doctor's like, look, you need a hysterectomy.

00:57:44.180 We can wait until the 10 weeks is up.

00:57:47.240 Finish your show.

00:57:48.460 Or I can do it now.

00:57:49.520 But you're not going to be able to finish the show.

00:57:51.960 And she thought we were.

00:57:53.100 I remember.

00:57:53.520 I'll never forget her.

00:57:54.580 I loved her.

00:57:55.320 She delivered some of Jenny's babies. 0.99

00:57:57.320 Lovely doctor.

00:57:58.600 And she said she thought we were going to be bummed.

00:58:01.540 And mom's like, can you put that in a note?

00:58:04.820 Can you call ABC and tell them I need to do this now?

00:58:08.300 And she's like, sure.

00:58:10.180 So we did an emergency hysterectomy.

00:58:12.520 Got out of the show.

00:58:13.940 Huge medical thing.

00:58:14.980 That's why we always tease.

00:58:15.920 Mom gave up an organ to get out of that show. 1.00

00:58:18.820 But we didn't have to do it.

00:58:20.000 We could have waited.

00:58:21.040 And then we got out of it.

00:58:22.340 And then it was canceled, I think, in two weeks.

00:58:24.060 Well, don't put that in here.

00:58:26.180 It's such a limitation.

00:58:27.640 Oh, right.

00:58:28.460 Yeah.

00:58:28.740 They were invested in doing a show to humiliate me and my family.

00:58:33.940 And I was producing it.

00:58:35.960 And they had their whole secret thing with ABC behind my back.

00:58:40.640 Which should have told me never to come back to ABC.

00:58:44.520 But I did.

00:58:44.820 ABC is like your abusive boyfriend that we keep going back to.

00:58:48.060 Yeah.

00:58:48.200 Yeah.

00:58:48.940 Yeah.

00:58:49.280 That was crazy.

00:58:49.920 That's a great analogy.

00:58:50.620 They're like Hamas. 0.99

00:58:51.880 Do you remember when Johnny.

00:58:52.760 They're like Hamas and I'm Israel. 0.96

00:58:55.320 Yeah.

00:58:55.620 No, remember the first week you dated Johnny.

00:58:58.980 Johnny and her just started dating.

00:59:01.180 No, I remember.

00:59:01.700 And it was a reality show.

00:59:02.880 And mom was getting her checks.

00:59:04.000 And she had to sign off checks, which she did with her accountants every week.

00:59:06.160 And they called Johnny in the room like, hey, we want to film this scene.

00:59:09.640 And so they have Johnny looking at the checks.

00:59:11.280 And then they went down and got a camera guy low.

00:59:13.480 So it looks like Johnny's looking over her shoulder counting the money.

00:59:17.280 Yeah, on purpose. 0.99

00:59:18.240 Like they did shit like that. 0.99

00:59:18.720 And then we didn't know. 1.00

00:59:19.380 We were partners in their cinema verite.

00:59:21.680 We didn't know until we'd see the edits.

00:59:23.480 But the opening theme of that show was the funniest thing.

00:59:26.860 Remember, it was me and Jeff in the studio.

00:59:28.280 And we were knocking lights over.

00:59:28.880 Wasn't it RJ?

00:59:30.620 RJ, yeah.

00:59:31.720 Yeah.

00:59:32.100 I don't want to say his name.

00:59:33.060 I don't want to give him credit.

00:59:34.000 But it was me and Jeff in the studio.

00:59:35.260 And we're knocking lights over. 1.00

00:59:36.400 And we're idiots. 1.00

00:59:38.020 Tweedledee and Tweedledee. 1.00

00:59:39.120 He flies the whole production crew to NYC to do a reality filming of me pitching a show

00:59:46.640 to network heads.

00:59:48.480 I was there.

00:59:49.200 He kills the whole budget in that first week.

00:59:52.080 Food network.

00:59:52.100 Yeah.

00:59:52.860 The whole marketing budget.

00:59:54.100 And the network folk says, no, we have no, we're not going to let you film that.

00:59:59.940 And he's like, huh?

01:00:02.200 Duh-haw.

01:00:03.200 Because he didn't pre-check it out.

01:00:05.600 He just flew everybody.

01:00:07.300 First class.

01:00:07.900 Oh, I didn't know that. 1.00

01:00:08.420 Because he's trying to fuck some chick that's on the crew. 1.00

01:00:12.360 I mean, how many, that's why I'm saying about dick tards, they're liars and thieves 1.00

01:00:17.980 and perverts. 1.00

01:00:19.060 And they think we're their dicks. 1.00

01:00:19.860 Men are liars, thieves, fucking perverts and degenerates. 1.00

01:00:24.480 All right. 1.00

01:00:25.080 We should, uh, unless you guys are having fun.

01:00:27.920 Yeah, I'm having fun.

01:00:29.060 We didn't even get to the sex part. 0.87

01:00:31.000 Let's do the sex part.

01:00:31.880 Is this going to, you can edit.

01:00:33.860 I'm not editing anything.

01:00:34.980 What do you want me to edit?

01:00:35.580 What about the sex, Shannon?

01:00:37.000 Wait, what do you want me to edit?

01:00:37.820 Don't convince me that I'm going to like sex again as I did when I, back when I was alive.

01:00:43.420 Yeah, I want to hear about this.

01:00:45.140 When you were alive, what, are you dead? 0.99

01:00:47.240 Back when I was alive and I had a sex drive. 1.00

01:00:49.460 Are you, are you dead now? 1.00

01:00:50.620 Well, my sex drive is dead. 1.00

01:00:51.780 The waist down, she's dead, she's saying. 0.95

01:00:53.920 So how, if.

01:00:54.640 The neck down. 0.87

01:00:56.320 If she gets her sex drive back, because you're on hormones.

01:00:59.640 If I get my groove back. 1.00

01:01:00.940 You just need someone to do your titty nipples. 1.00

01:01:05.140 Is that how you do titty nipples? 1.00

01:01:06.320 I'm going to try that tonight. 0.99

01:01:07.240 Does that work?

01:01:08.000 Mm-hmm.

01:01:08.320 Okay.

01:01:09.440 Practicing.

01:01:10.000 Well.

01:01:10.720 You have the implant, right?

01:01:11.740 They'll have to go in through my spine.

01:01:16.040 All right.

01:01:16.520 Oh, my God.

01:01:17.080 Under your insurance. 1.00

01:01:17.640 Because they're all inverted and shit. 0.99

01:01:19.480 Wait, do you still have the bandages on? 0.98

01:01:22.560 What?

01:01:23.140 Do you still have the bandages on?

01:01:25.040 Oh, yeah.

01:01:25.620 You know what?

01:01:27.720 What's this?

01:01:28.680 What's this?

01:01:29.720 Breaking news.

01:01:30.520 I was sitting in the house and we ranted there.

01:01:36.040 What happened again?

01:01:37.240 And she pulls this bandage off and it's one of those circular ones with blood on it.

01:01:41.700 She goes, what's this?

01:01:43.280 And I go, oh, my God.

01:01:44.360 It's a bandage with blood on it.

01:01:47.040 And she goes, oh.

01:01:48.840 And I lift up her shirt. 0.62

01:01:50.280 She's got six bloody holes in her spine. 1.00

01:01:54.620 You don't remember either.

01:01:56.060 From the steroid treatment for her spine because she has no cartilage, evidently, between her births.

01:02:02.760 Yeah, I forgot about going there.

01:02:04.480 Wait a minute.

01:02:05.100 Hold on.

01:02:05.720 That was like two weeks ago.

01:02:06.900 You still had the bandage on?

01:02:07.620 She's still.

01:02:08.340 They're still on there after.

01:02:09.280 They're still on there now.

01:02:10.880 Have you showered in the last three weeks?

01:02:12.660 I've showered, but they don't come off.

01:02:14.460 Did she really shower?

01:02:15.700 Yes.

01:02:16.180 I saw her shower.

01:02:19.040 Hold on a second.

01:02:20.100 I'm going to text the doctor.

01:02:21.700 It's been three weeks.

01:02:22.620 No.

01:02:22.740 They're still on there.

01:02:24.300 No, we got to take them off.

01:02:25.500 Two of them came off.

01:02:27.100 Honey, we got to take those off.

01:02:29.020 You got to let it.

01:02:29.620 Remember when they did that?

01:02:29.800 You can't wear a bandage for two weeks.

01:02:31.160 You got to let it breathe.

01:02:31.880 Yeah, I'm telling you, it was like two or three weeks ago.

01:02:34.160 You got to let it breathe.

01:02:35.240 I totally dissociated that I had all them shots. 1.00

01:02:38.200 Man, that shit hurt. 0.99

01:02:39.760 But you said it worked, right? 1.00

01:02:41.360 Did it?

01:02:41.600 It did work.

01:02:42.460 And the assistant, Igor, or whatever his name was, he goes, man, you really know how

01:02:49.720 to breathe through these shots.

01:02:51.440 I go, five kids.

01:02:52.820 Yeah. 1.00

01:02:53.120 I know my Lamaze breathing, motherfucker. 1.00

01:02:55.640 I know how to do this shit. 1.00

01:02:57.140 I mean, it seems. 0.99

01:02:58.020 So, do you still feel better? 0.97

01:03:00.280 Because I was just bent over like an old hag. 1.00

01:03:03.280 Yeah. 0.79

01:03:03.800 And I walked straight up out of that doctor's office.

01:03:07.120 Our doctor, Shannon.

01:03:08.900 He's coming to-

01:03:09.620 He is so genius.

01:03:10.520 We're going to have him as a guest.

01:03:11.600 Dr. Benny Boomba.

01:03:12.960 No.

01:03:14.140 He's coming to Olivia's birthday party.

01:03:16.460 Can I just say-

01:03:17.340 He's a genius.

01:03:17.880 He knows everything about everything Trump.

01:03:21.800 And MKUltra.

01:03:22.800 And MKUltra and the Nazis. 0.81

01:03:24.640 And he's a real doctor.

01:03:25.700 Like, he's an actual D.O.

01:03:26.900 He's awesome.

01:03:27.300 Anyway.

01:03:27.800 You know- 0.98

01:03:28.300 I want to hear about the sex drive, though. 0.96

01:03:29.980 No.

01:03:30.460 I want to say that X39 by LifeWave.

01:03:34.180 Can I just say that?

01:03:35.020 We don't have them as a sponsor, so.

01:03:36.660 I mean, if you want to-

01:03:37.520 But they might be.

01:03:38.500 No, they've asked for like two years.

01:03:39.860 Is that what you're on?

01:03:40.880 Yeah.

01:03:41.720 I have this sticker on my-

01:03:43.300 Oh, I think it's time to take it off.

01:03:45.080 What time is it?

01:03:46.500 I put it-

01:03:47.240 You leave it on for eight hours.

01:03:49.780 Oh, yeah.

01:03:50.180 I got to take it off.

01:03:50.640 If we're not getting paid, I don't want to talk about it.

01:03:52.260 No, but what-

01:03:53.260 You're going to get paid.

01:03:55.420 What?

01:03:56.580 RFK wears it.

01:03:57.820 And Hannah and Randy saw it, too, and said, oh, yeah, that's LifeWave X39.

01:04:03.680 No, I have some.

01:04:04.340 It's like stem cell things you put on.

01:04:06.000 Look, you put it on the back of your neck.

01:04:08.060 I got to put 40 or 50 of them on me.

01:04:09.840 No, I put it on the back of my neck.

01:04:12.040 I had arthritis in both knees.

01:04:13.840 Oh, yeah, she said it worked.

01:04:15.120 They were like, you need to get knee replacement soon.

01:04:20.520 And I could barely walk down the steps.

01:04:23.480 And then I made an appointment for the doctor, and I put those on, and I canceled it.

01:04:29.480 All right, we'll give them the sponsor.

01:04:30.680 They want to sponsor us.

01:04:31.740 LifeWave X39.

01:04:33.000 Well, I got to put it on my neck, too.

01:04:35.120 Yeah. 0.99

01:04:35.640 Now, does that make you horny? 0.53

01:04:37.860 No.

01:04:38.540 Can you tell her about the horniness? 0.98

01:04:40.180 Because she really wants to get her sex drive. 0.98

01:04:41.600 Yes, I know. 0.99

01:04:41.680 I don't want to get horny, but I want to know how it works. 0.99

01:04:44.280 Don't you think it'd be good for you to get your sex drive? 0.99

01:04:46.260 No. 0.99

01:04:46.500 Why?

01:04:46.780 Hell no.

01:04:47.500 Maybe you'll like working with men more. 1.00

01:04:49.260 No, I'll get involved with some fucking idiot. 1.00

01:04:51.780 Can I tell you something? 1.00

01:04:52.700 I wouldn't want to be around women at all if I didn't have a sex drive. 1.00

01:04:56.260 So I imagine it's probably why you hate working with men. 0.98

01:04:58.160 Yeah. 0.81

01:04:58.840 Maybe a sex drive, you'll be like, hey, men are kind of cool. 0.91

01:05:01.140 Yeah. 0.97

01:05:01.960 Maybe that's your problem.

01:05:02.500 Maybe that might help me.

01:05:03.460 Maybe you're flirty or something.

01:05:04.140 Because why would you hang out with the opposite sex if you weren't trying to get laid? 1.00

01:05:08.020 That's exactly what I think.

01:05:09.700 That's a great point.

01:05:10.000 I mean, not us, obviously.

01:05:11.100 Great point, Jay.

01:05:11.740 Well, but I mean, if they can write jokes, that's what I like.

01:05:14.140 Even so, if they write jokes and they're like, well, maybe.

01:05:17.060 And they're like, you know.

01:05:18.500 No, because I lied to myself my whole life with that.

01:05:22.280 That you were attracted to men you weren't?

01:05:23.800 Yeah.

01:05:23.980 No, that they would, I just, I always was like thinking, if I'm attracted to somebody, that's

01:05:31.620 never going to work because they're not going to be attracted to me. 0.99

01:05:35.780 You're crazy. 1.00

01:05:36.660 You're such a negative. 1.00

01:05:38.000 You're out of your mind. 1.00

01:05:39.000 You're very negative.

01:05:39.120 So I would think, well, whoever likes me, I'll have to go with them.

01:05:42.300 I used to have that.

01:05:43.160 I know what you're talking about.

01:05:44.020 It's called low self-esteem.

01:05:45.540 Self-deprecation.

01:05:46.780 No, it's called low self-esteem. 1.00

01:05:47.900 So I'd be like, oh, whoever likes me, if they're a fucking clown. 0.99

01:05:51.140 Yeah, at least I got someone that likes me, might as well. 1.00

01:05:53.000 Goddamn serial killer, what have you. 0.99

01:05:54.800 It's the same thing. 1.00

01:05:55.700 I got to go with them.

01:05:56.860 I know what you're talking about. 0.99

01:05:57.880 And I don't even like them, but they like me, so what the fuck. 0.97

01:06:02.160 Anybody I like ain't going to like me. 0.99

01:06:04.420 I know what you're talking about.

01:06:05.780 Well, I got on the testosterone.

01:06:07.800 For instance, like Richard Gere, there's no way I'm going to get him to like me.

01:06:13.140 Maybe. 0.99

01:06:13.600 I mean, he put a gerbil up his butthole. 0.99

01:06:14.960 No, that was a myth. 0.99

01:06:18.060 Can I just say, so I was on the testosterone and you saw me.

01:06:22.740 I was shaving.

01:06:24.440 I wasn't going to say anything.

01:06:26.140 He goes, can we put this on the package?

01:06:29.000 I was dripping blood.

01:06:30.620 I had blood all over my body.

01:06:31.900 No, you've always shaved.

01:06:32.960 We both always shaved.

01:06:34.040 I have like a huge cut.

01:06:35.900 And he goes, just say it's herpes.

01:06:37.980 Yeah, we'll say it's herpes.

01:06:38.960 No, it wouldn't coagulate.

01:06:40.980 Like I had blood dripping like a vampire.

01:06:43.840 She cut her face shaving before this podcast. 0.84

01:06:46.700 And I thought it was the funniest thing ever because she's on testosterone. 1.00

01:06:49.280 I had to use a new Gillette razor because that's my favorite Gillette.

01:06:53.780 We love you double-bladed Gillettes. 0.98

01:06:56.800 The blue one.

01:06:58.180 And I'm like, and then just blood.

01:07:02.060 And it wouldn't stop because alcohol thins your blood.

01:07:07.420 Oh.

01:07:08.300 Well, we did drink quite a bit this week, didn't we?

01:07:11.560 We always do.

01:07:12.380 Did we drink a lot this week, karaoke and carrying on?

01:07:16.140 What about that movie we watched?

01:07:18.840 That movie was a mind-blower, Baby Reindeer. 0.94

01:07:21.720 I agree.

01:07:22.500 Yeah.

01:07:22.720 It was, I got her to watch movies.

01:07:26.080 I didn't see the best sexual assault movie of all time.

01:07:27.040 Like it was the most honest.

01:07:29.400 Authentic.

01:07:30.160 Authentic discussion of what happens post-sexual assault that I've ever seen.

01:07:33.040 Yeah, I think so too.

01:07:34.000 Yeah.

01:07:34.220 And nobody talks about it.

01:07:34.920 They're like, oh, the fat chicken is great.

01:07:36.200 No, I know. 0.98

01:07:36.620 That scene and then everything that happens after was so fucking ballsy and brave. 0.98

01:07:41.200 But he downplays his own act of sexual assault though. 0.99

01:07:45.720 Absolutely.

01:07:46.400 He lets himself off the hook.

01:07:48.540 Well, you have to.

01:07:49.520 It's hard to love with yourself. 0.98

01:07:50.300 Yes, and then we watch, he sexually assaults a mentally ill woman and lets himself off the 0.99

01:07:56.020 hook. 0.99

01:07:56.300 Yeah.

01:07:56.640 We watched David and Goliath.

01:07:58.020 Yeah, that's true.

01:07:58.660 He did.

01:07:58.820 Oh my, yeah.

01:07:59.700 The Hounds of David.

01:08:00.960 The whole movie is to let himself off the hook for that.

01:08:03.940 You're right.

01:08:05.000 Yeah, because he's a man. 0.99

01:08:06.620 Well, he was also raped. 0.99

01:08:08.600 Yeah, but he's a man. 0.99

01:08:10.200 But I'm just saying, when you're raped, it's a change. 1.00

01:08:12.040 Yeah, well, that fucks you up, but. 1.00

01:08:13.980 Yeah. 0.84

01:08:15.260 Unless he did that.

01:08:15.940 No, he was sodomized horribly.

01:08:18.060 And it said, the scene is going to be troubling.

01:08:21.620 But then House of David.

01:08:23.960 Oh, we watched David, King of Israel.

01:08:26.260 She couldn't stop watching.

01:08:27.560 It was 4 a.m.

01:08:29.080 And I was falling asleep.

01:08:31.420 And she goes, hey, are you asleep?

01:08:34.420 And she binge watched House of David, which is about David and Goliath.

01:08:38.780 Yeah, I hear it's a very good show.

01:08:40.160 I like it.

01:08:40.940 I like that at the beginning they say, this is not historically or biblically accurate

01:08:47.420 in any way.

01:08:48.100 We're just embellishing.

01:08:49.220 We're embellishing the story when it makes sense for us to do so.

01:08:53.640 Character.

01:08:54.640 And I was like, Shannon, look at this.

01:08:57.480 Look at this.

01:08:58.200 Because they actually rewrite the words of God.

01:09:09.080 They actually rewrite the Torah and the words of God because they're Hollywood.

01:09:16.780 We got to watch the end again because we couldn't see it because it was too bright. 0.99

01:09:20.820 And I only wanted to see when he kills the fuck out of Goliath. 0.99

01:09:24.280 He does Goliath. 0.99

01:09:24.800 I wanted to see the special effects of that.

01:09:26.920 Yeah, me too.

01:09:27.780 But they really Hollywooded up the story with the – and it was really cultural appropriation

01:09:38.240 and racism and every other thing that Hollywood does to the Jews and to the Torah.

01:09:45.540 But some of it was good.

01:09:48.120 So I just concentrate on the good stuff like the Prophet Samuel and – 0.99

01:09:54.100 Although they Hollywood that shit up too. 0.99

01:09:57.360 Because the Jewish lore is fascinating. 1.00

01:09:59.520 No, I know, and I'm glad they did it.

01:10:01.620 And I was really glad to see the number of Gentiles involved in –

01:10:07.820 Rewriting Jewish history. 0.97

01:10:09.920 Yeah.

01:10:10.120 That's what a Gentile is. 1.00

01:10:12.400 Yeah.

01:10:12.680 And their viewpoint on it is sometimes amazing.

01:10:18.520 Profound.

01:10:19.540 That's why I like Christians.

01:10:20.760 There was a great analogy for her to be David fighting off Hollywood as Goliath.

01:10:28.660 Like Hollywood, Goliath, you're David. 0.99

01:10:30.480 Yeah, that's why I was like, uh-oh, I'm going to – my shit-com, as I call it. 0.99

01:10:36.860 There's a shit-com? 0.99

01:10:38.700 No, sitcom. 1.00

01:10:39.680 But, yeah, I got – whoa.

01:10:43.160 It was really –

01:10:43.460 I love the stuff you were writing me.

01:10:44.800 Yeah.

01:10:45.020 Even if it's – even if that becomes – however that manifests, I'd love it.

01:10:49.140 I'd love David.

01:10:49.760 Because I saw my story in that way, you know.

01:10:53.340 But –

01:10:53.900 Art imitates life, and it should.

01:10:55.640 Yeah, because we want to make it real personal because, you know, the Roseanne show was so personal.

01:11:00.420 That's the most relatable art and the most important art. 0.98

01:11:02.480 Otherwise, you're just jerking off.

01:11:04.520 Yeah, and, you know, they're saying that they're going to do a farewell, Rose – Connors, which – 0.98

01:11:11.720 Yeah, no, I sent that to you.

01:11:12.860 Is them stealing the Roseanne show?

01:11:14.440 I sent it to you.

01:11:15.520 Yeah, I mean, it's the last season.

01:11:16.860 And I'm like, oh, my God, what are they going to do?

01:11:18.060 A.I. me?

01:11:20.140 No, you know what they're doing that's really disgusting? 1.00

01:11:22.380 I don't know what they're going to do because I've never watched that shit show. 1.00

01:11:24.760 She said, oh, it's okay. 0.99

01:11:25.800 But what they've done is – and they'll deny it, but we know better. 0.99

01:11:30.120 They have teased that you're going to return in order to get their shit ratings up. 0.99

01:11:34.240 And I think that's the most – that's more disgusting than killing you and stealing your show, in my opinion, 1.00

01:11:38.560 is using you because they have such shit ratings. 1.00

01:11:41.060 Hey, Roseanne might return. 1.00

01:11:42.500 Dangle the carrot. 0.98

01:11:43.900 But it's like, hey, the person we stole the show from and we killed, they might return.

01:11:48.140 Well, she's not going to.

01:11:49.020 They've never asked.

01:11:50.060 So they're just dangling to get ratings up.

01:11:51.320 No, but I will go back on – I just want to send this message out.

01:11:56.340 10 million.

01:11:58.440 A second.

01:11:59.180 And an apology.

01:12:00.980 I've told you.

01:12:01.440 I want it – it's 10 million dollars or I'll do it free with an apology.

01:12:06.620 Yeah.

01:12:07.280 I think –

01:12:07.700 That you purposely twisted my words because you're anti-Semitic.

01:12:13.040 Or whatever the reason.

01:12:14.020 It doesn't matter.

01:12:14.540 Just that they purposely –

01:12:15.160 Because you're anti-Semitic and I said Muslim Brotherhood and you are Muslim Brotherhood. 1.00

01:12:20.900 So fuck you. 1.00

01:12:21.860 And – but I'll do it for free if you'll admit that Valerie Jarrett is the head of the Muslim Brotherhood and you want to destroy Israel and you hate Jews. 1.00

01:12:30.880 And you purposely twisted my words because of that. 0.64

01:12:37.860 I'll come on for free.

01:12:40.640 Wow.

01:12:41.260 You heard it here first. 0.99

01:12:42.060 I'll come on there naked. 0.98

01:12:44.320 That's right. 0.99

01:12:45.680 Yeah. 1.00

01:12:46.380 And that'll be the best ratings you've had since you kicked my ass out of there, you motherfuckers. 1.00

01:12:54.880 Naked as a jaybird. 1.00

01:12:57.040 The Rose Ambrose Podcast.

01:12:58.380 Is that the best rating?

01:12:58.780 So you see – oh, we didn't even do the sex thing.

01:13:02.800 Oh.

01:13:03.400 Well, do it. 0.90

01:13:04.520 Tell me the sex stuff. 0.98

01:13:05.660 I have to pee really bad. 0.98

01:13:07.080 We can wrap up. 0.87

01:13:07.820 Just tell mom once she gets horny what comes out of horniness. 1.00

01:13:11.620 Should we pee? 0.69

01:13:12.240 No, you can't take a break.

01:13:13.080 Just wrap it up.

01:13:13.640 Just tell her what comes out of horniness. 0.99

01:13:15.880 Horriness.

01:13:16.540 Whoops.

01:13:17.420 Horriness.

01:13:18.360 He said horriness.

01:13:19.340 Horriness slip.

01:13:20.160 Horniness. 0.95

01:13:21.200 What is – let's just say, do you feel more vibrant with the sex?

01:13:25.280 I do.

01:13:26.380 My sister-in-law is 74.

01:13:29.060 I'm 64.

01:13:30.120 She's going to turn 75.

01:13:31.420 I'm going to turn 65 and get Social Security and everything.

01:13:36.800 But it's – you know, other than cutting myself shaving, it's been great.

01:13:46.840 I have pictures of me that I want to – this isn't going to be visual, right?

01:13:52.540 This is a video podcast.

01:13:53.860 There's your cameras.

01:13:54.560 Oh, right, right, right.

01:13:55.420 I want to give you pictures of me, like, in my various wigs and outfits.

01:14:02.420 With –

01:14:02.980 Because – with what?

01:14:05.520 What are you showing?

01:14:06.580 Like, what the testosterone does?

01:14:08.100 No, I mean, like, my different looks for, you know, Saturday night, date night. 0.94

01:14:12.860 Oh, your sex night. 0.91

01:14:14.040 Yes. 1.00

01:14:15.120 She has sex night with her husband every Saturday night. 1.00

01:14:17.040 She knows that. 0.68

01:14:17.540 You put a lot of energy into, like, having a romantic – and you said that you, you know,

01:14:23.280 talk and you dance.

01:14:25.280 You have a lovely –

01:14:25.420 And we kiss.

01:14:26.440 I think that's so cute.

01:14:27.000 And we, like, you know, smoke some pot and have a couple drinks.

01:14:31.380 And, yeah.

01:14:32.360 And we just, like, light candles and stuff.

01:14:35.420 And we make it a whole night.

01:14:37.840 I think that's so cute.

01:14:39.160 Yeah.

01:14:40.020 And then – 0.96

01:14:40.660 How long do you have to have sex for, though? 0.98

01:14:42.500 Well, what?

01:14:43.580 How long do you have to actually have, like, pretend, like – how long do you have to

01:14:47.240 do the –

01:14:47.720 You sound like me now.

01:14:49.580 No.

01:14:50.280 Like, this sounds great for, like, 15-minute stops.

01:14:53.020 Is this hours?

01:14:53.780 Are we talking hours?

01:14:55.480 Yes.

01:14:55.740 That sounds horrible.

01:14:57.080 Because – 0.94

01:14:57.640 She's a tantric. 1.00

01:14:58.960 Oh, tantric sex is so – I don't get that. 1.00

01:15:01.760 I want to go to bed. 0.99

01:15:03.180 I want to be done about that.

01:15:03.660 Like, we'll start at, like, 8 and end up at 1.

01:15:08.520 But that's all, you know, all night talking. 0.76

01:15:11.700 Do you have sex and stuff and stuff?

01:15:13.600 Uh-huh, uh-huh. 0.98

01:15:14.600 And then I go change outfits.

01:15:17.280 Oh. 0.92

01:15:17.780 Does he orgasm each time or is he edgy? 0.68

01:15:20.120 No, no, no, no.

01:15:20.720 Not till the end.

01:15:22.140 What?

01:15:22.460 He holds off. 1.00

01:15:22.760 Is he a fucking god of men? 1.00

01:15:25.040 I can – 1.00

01:15:25.680 He holds off.

01:15:26.620 Minute and a half tops.

01:15:27.920 And then, like, I'll go put on a different outfit.

01:15:31.340 Like, I'll dress as a secretary with glasses and a bun.

01:15:35.400 This sounds horrible, Mom.

01:15:37.140 With a tie.

01:15:38.060 Doesn't it sound horrible?

01:15:39.120 No, but I like doing the outfits.

01:15:41.980 But I'm, like, kind of.

01:15:42.580 And then I'll do, like –

01:15:43.760 I go, what's your vibe?

01:15:45.280 You know?

01:15:45.700 And he'll go, cowboy.

01:15:47.260 You know?

01:15:47.640 And so I'll do a whole cowboy look.

01:15:50.020 But usually I have to make it up, which –

01:15:53.020 And he always says, I like it tight.

01:15:56.360 You know, like a tight dress and a blazer or whatever.

01:16:01.020 I mean, I think it's adorable.

01:16:02.160 But I –

01:16:02.600 Honestly, I'm tired even thinking about that for us.

01:16:04.540 Well, that's because you have young children.

01:16:06.040 Yeah, we don't have any children.

01:16:06.540 No, even if I was in tremendous shape, like, that does not do anything for me.

01:16:10.120 He's 70.

01:16:11.520 And I'm –

01:16:11.940 I've never wanted –

01:16:12.960 I mean, I don't want the sex thing to go 18 hours.

01:16:15.760 I want to go to –

01:16:16.320 I want to be done.

01:16:17.020 It's not 18 hours.

01:16:18.220 More than 30 minutes.

01:16:19.080 We only do it once on the weekend.

01:16:20.280 You know, but they only do it once a week.

01:16:22.620 And then Sunday, fun day.

01:16:23.860 They put a lot of plan, huh?

01:16:25.280 We do Sunday, fun day. 0.89

01:16:27.680 Is that sex, too?

01:16:29.200 Is that recovery? 0.96

01:16:30.860 It's like, you know, waking up, making breakfast, and then, you know, fooling around and laying

01:16:37.400 around and watching TV and stuff.

01:16:39.400 I mean, I think that's really sweet.

01:16:40.700 I shouldn't talk –

01:16:41.260 I just –

01:16:41.620 That's like a weekend affair.

01:16:43.560 It's lovely.

01:16:43.980 Yeah.

01:16:44.600 I think that's really cute.

01:16:45.440 Isn't that nice?

01:16:46.160 I think so.

01:16:46.920 That's so cool.

01:16:47.120 Thanks, honey.

01:16:47.880 No, I'm so happy for you and that you have those feelings for someone that returns them.

01:16:54.220 Yeah, me, too.

01:16:55.320 I waited 50 years for that guy.

01:16:57.340 That is – you did.

01:16:58.600 And I was always – I mean, my sex thing is just off the charts with horror.

01:17:06.520 Just all horror, shame, hideousness. 0.67

01:17:11.020 Never – I never felt comfortable having sex.

01:17:15.060 I want that to change.

01:17:17.160 Why?

01:17:18.400 It's too late now.

01:17:19.440 Because it's fun when it gets –

01:17:20.640 It's never too late.

01:17:21.380 When you get over it and you meet a good partner, it's fun.

01:17:23.420 You actually might enjoy sex. 0.57

01:17:25.080 Can you imagine enjoying sex? 1.00

01:17:26.700 You're a scorpio. 1.00

01:17:27.980 Huh? 1.00

01:17:29.160 Think about enjoying sex. 0.91

01:17:30.460 I mean, I didn't say I didn't enjoy it, but in a twisted, horrific way.

01:17:35.060 Well, that's enjoyment.

01:17:35.940 But everybody's like, oh, you know, you're beloved.

01:17:39.980 And I'm like, Christ.

01:17:41.040 Have you ever been with another girl?

01:17:44.920 She's like, my son – we don't care.

01:17:47.120 No one's watching.

01:17:49.000 Obviously, that's the gas fire.

01:17:50.420 In the reality of the world, in the real, like, earthling thing, I've never been with another

01:17:57.660 person.

01:18:01.180 That's hilarious.

01:18:02.060 Not really.

01:18:03.300 That's hilarious.

01:18:05.160 It's also sad.

01:18:06.820 I have.

01:18:07.400 Would you try –

01:18:08.140 I never felt like I was ever with anyone who liked me, who really liked me.

01:18:14.820 Oh, honey.

01:18:15.600 They were just – I just got with people who wanted someone to be mean to.

01:18:19.260 I feel like – 0.98

01:18:19.940 They wanted somebody to be mean to and, like, to blame or fucking kick around. 0.97

01:18:26.860 I feel like – 0.98

01:18:27.600 I don't know why I allowed that, but I did.

01:18:30.460 Bill –

01:18:30.620 Maybe it worked for you.

01:18:31.680 So worked.

01:18:31.960 No, listen.

01:18:32.660 Maybe it worked for you on another level.

01:18:34.180 Bill liked you.

01:18:35.640 You liked Bill.

01:18:37.220 You had three –

01:18:37.460 Not really.

01:18:38.760 No.

01:18:39.340 We didn't like each other at all.

01:18:40.880 I don't remember you guys liking each other.

01:18:42.480 I don't think we liked each other at all.

01:18:44.380 I think you guys liked each other, like –

01:18:47.220 Friends?

01:18:47.660 As friends, yeah.

01:18:49.160 I think we liked each other as friends.

01:18:51.400 Yeah.

01:18:51.820 And we liked each other as, like –

01:18:54.680 My dad.

01:18:55.200 Co-partners in life.

01:18:56.280 My dad.

01:18:56.600 No, we liked each other that – we admired each other's writing.

01:19:01.380 Yeah, you guys – you had admiration for each other.

01:19:03.740 In some ways, but he was just – oh, God.

01:19:08.940 He –

01:19:09.420 That is just –

01:19:11.000 His dad you're talking about.

01:19:12.440 Yeah, that's true.

01:19:12.720 Your dad is like – I didn't know he was a reptile.

01:19:16.740 Yeah, you always say that to me.

01:19:17.780 I always – yeah.

01:19:18.500 You know, I –

01:19:19.780 Do you see your dad very often?

01:19:22.000 No.

01:19:22.460 He lives not far away.

01:19:24.040 I know.

01:19:24.440 He moved to Texas where he lives. 1.00

01:19:25.320 That's so fucked up. 1.00

01:19:26.940 He's not able to travel. 1.00

01:19:28.700 No, he's a reptilian.

01:19:30.940 How old is he?

01:19:33.240 73 going on 100.

01:19:35.340 He hates Trump.

01:19:36.660 Okay. 1.00

01:19:37.180 He hates Trump's guts. 0.85

01:19:38.500 I know. 0.92

01:19:39.140 I know.

01:19:39.800 He thinks he was Hillary and then Kamala. 1.00

01:19:43.620 I mean the fucking guy. 1.00

01:19:44.880 It's not that. 1.00

01:19:44.900 He's writing 87 – or 86.45 on dollar bills.

01:19:50.180 On dollar bills. 0.98

01:19:50.800 Which means kill Trump. 0.98

01:19:50.820 What is 86.45? 1.00

01:19:52.200 86 is kill.

01:19:53.560 Like 86 –

01:19:54.200 Oh, yeah.

01:19:55.120 Like when we worked in the –

01:19:57.600 If you ever get a dollar bill, it says 86.45.

01:19:59.840 Remember when you're a waitress, this dish is 86.

01:20:05.380 Okay.

01:20:07.380 John, last year at 70, went down the double diamonds on the mountain.

01:20:14.300 Invale.

01:20:14.600 Invale.

01:20:15.140 Yeah.

01:20:15.700 It's impressive.

01:20:15.940 I mean after triple bypass.

01:20:19.580 So, it's all in what you think and your dad has like succumbed to –

01:20:27.360 Yeah.

01:20:28.380 He's accepted his old age.

01:20:29.580 He doesn't watch this, does he?

01:20:31.120 Yeah.

01:20:31.580 He does?

01:20:32.160 No, I'm kidding.

01:20:32.620 He doesn't watch this, no.

01:20:33.860 No, he succumbed to Satan.

01:20:35.780 But he wants to come on to promote his book and I told him we would let him, but it's

01:20:39.060 obviously your call.

01:20:40.420 I think it would be the greatest episode of all times.

01:20:42.640 You should have him.

01:20:43.600 I mean he wouldn't be able to stand me going off on him.

01:20:46.400 But what podcast would be better than mother, son, and dad when you guys have been divorced

01:20:51.280 for three years?

01:20:52.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

01:20:52.420 I love it.

01:20:53.300 You got it.

01:20:53.720 The dynamic has never been seen. 0.99

01:20:54.600 I'd have to call him out for his being fucking Hamas. 1.00

01:20:57.740 No, I would love it. 1.00

01:20:58.720 Personally, I would love it.

01:21:00.080 How do you think he would react?

01:21:01.900 He doesn't even help.

01:21:02.300 He would freak out and walk out and punch the drywall like he did when I was a kid. 1.00

01:21:05.060 I'll knock his fucking ass out and that isn't no allegory. 1.00

01:21:09.000 I know. 1.00

01:21:09.240 I'll jump on his fucking ball head and kick it through the wall. 1.00

01:21:13.360 I will. 1.00

01:21:14.320 I know you will. 1.00

01:21:14.740 You know, I will go violent on your dad. 0.99

01:21:16.720 Oh, maybe you better not. 0.91

01:21:18.380 I have thrown so many things at your dad in his lifetime.

01:21:21.540 I remember when you pulled a drawer.

01:21:22.840 We were in a room, me and my sisters, and mom pulled an entire...

01:21:25.100 I could tell by the sound.

01:21:27.040 Apparently, she had pulled an entire dresser drawer and emptied the contents.

01:21:31.300 And I think you threw the drawer at his head or all the contents.

01:21:34.380 We heard every content in the drawer. 1.00

01:21:36.080 I emptied each drawer and then threw the fucking dresser at his ass. 1.00

01:21:40.940 I heard that. 1.00

01:21:41.580 Yeah, we were in the other room holding each other, me and my sisters.

01:21:43.800 And you did the clothes and the pool. 0.75

01:21:46.020 You're violent, dude. 0.93

01:21:47.040 I am violent. 1.00

01:21:48.400 That's why I always marry violent men. 0.77

01:21:50.380 I don't think you should have a mind. 1.00

01:21:51.560 I want to get them going so they'll swing at me and then I can shoot their ass. 1.00

01:21:57.220 I have a violent streak to myself. 1.00

01:22:00.960 That's why I try to pray to God to get it out of me.

01:22:04.600 Because I was raised in a violent household. 1.00

01:22:07.020 Nobody better fuck with me. 1.00

01:22:08.540 Maybe you should put him in like a fenced in thing. 1.00

01:22:11.700 No, I think you should beat the shit out of dad on the podcast. 0.98

01:22:13.880 I think it'd be the biggest podcast episode of all time. 0.99

01:22:15.400 I'll tell you what.

01:22:16.720 Just to show...

01:22:18.160 Peace.

01:22:19.160 I hope I ain't cursing myself here.

01:22:20.980 Peace.

01:22:21.660 Just to show my...

01:22:24.700 Love.

01:22:25.500 The self-mastery I've attained. 1.00

01:22:28.980 I will not beat his ass. 0.99

01:22:31.480 I'll treat him with dignity and kindness and peace. 1.00

01:22:35.100 Yeah.

01:22:35.700 Because I can do it.

01:22:36.760 Okay.

01:22:37.480 I mean, not as into that episode as well.

01:22:40.060 I think that would be epic.

01:22:40.140 I think that would be epic, honey.

01:22:42.140 To have Jake, his son, your son, and him.

01:22:46.560 We could work all our family time out on the podcast.

01:22:49.820 The triangle.

01:22:51.240 I'll fake it for the first 55.

01:22:53.680 Let's build it up.

01:22:54.580 Let's actually structure it beforehand. 1.00

01:22:55.880 And then in the end, I'll go nuts on his ass. 1.00

01:22:57.940 That would be the greatest. 1.00

01:22:58.620 Like I used to. 1.00

01:22:59.580 Fuck yeah. 1.00

01:23:00.800 Let's do it. 1.00

01:23:01.520 How's Becky?

01:23:05.320 Not good.

01:23:06.500 The both of them's nuttier and fruitcake.

01:23:08.520 Yeah.

01:23:08.960 I don't like that. 1.00

01:23:10.220 We goddamn love the fucking Democrats. 1.00

01:23:12.140 What are you going to do? 1.00

01:23:13.320 What are you going to do when...

01:23:14.740 What are you going to do when they come for you?

01:23:17.500 For you.

01:23:17.800 Bad boys.

01:23:18.720 Bad libs.

01:23:19.600 All right, everybody.

01:23:19.980 What are you going to do?

01:23:21.140 Love you.

01:23:22.160 Libtards. 1.00

01:23:22.760 Libtards. 1.00

01:23:23.000 Super feels.

01:23:25.580 Listen.

01:23:27.100 We just want the libtards to rejoin the human race. 1.00

01:23:30.540 We love you.

01:23:32.120 We pray for your souls.

01:23:34.040 For your minds to be retrieved from the pits of hell and to come back to the living.

01:23:40.320 And that's all we want.

01:23:42.240 That's all we want for you and for the world.

01:23:44.420 That you will retain your critical thinking and come back to the place of the human beings. 1.00

01:23:50.520 So you see, my patience is fucking running thin with you stupid fucking assholes. 1.00

01:23:57.360 In this synthetic world, we're trapped in... 1.00

01:24:06.360 So you see, my patience is growing thin with this synthetic world, we're living in...

01:24:24.400 You're a podcast listener, and this is a podcast ad heard only in Canada.

01:24:29.160 Reach great Canadian listeners like yourself with podcast advertising from Libsyn ads.

01:24:34.120 Choose from hundreds of top podcasts offering host endorsements or run a pre-produced ad like

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01:24:43.760 Email bob at libsyn.com to learn more.

01:24:47.540 That's B-O-B at L-I-B-S-Y-N dot com. 0.96

The Roseanne Barr Podcast - April 12, 2025

Absolutely Fabulous w⧸ Shannon Hughey ｜ The Roseanne Barr Podcast #094

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