The Roseanne Barr Podcast - Gutfeld! The King of Late Night ｜ The Roseanne Barr Podcast #044

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00:01:00.300 Greetings, earthlings and humans and any animals who, you know, of the animal kingdom.

00:01:06.340 Everybody tells me when their animals hear my voice, they stop and they're transfixed because,

00:01:11.860 you know, the melodious tones and all that.

00:01:14.400 Animals are, you know, able to like really be able to feel some high intelligence kind of thing.

00:01:21.220 So, high animals, humans and earthlings and all of you.

00:01:25.300 I'm very excited for my show today at the Roseanne Barr podcast.

00:01:30.120 I've got to get the name in there.

00:01:31.560 Jake, don't get mad at me.

00:01:32.880 So you see my patience is growing.

00:01:38.560 Welcome to the Roseanne Barr podcast.

00:01:40.400 And it's going to be another b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-banger because we have such a great guest to talk to.

00:01:48.380 Ladies and gentlemen, the king of late night television himself, Greg Gutfeld.

00:01:55.740 Hi.

00:01:56.480 Yeah.

00:01:57.520 Stop.

00:01:58.080 Everybody sit down.

00:01:59.460 Sit down.

00:02:00.520 These people.

00:02:01.120 Yeah.

00:02:01.520 The busboy over there.

00:02:03.140 Yes.

00:02:03.620 I'm so excited.

00:02:04.560 I'm so excited.

00:02:05.560 I'm more excited than you are.

00:02:07.000 I don't think so.

00:02:07.560 I'm so excited.

00:02:08.080 I can't believe it.

00:02:09.020 I cannot believe it.

00:02:10.380 I mean, I'm not trying to be a fanboy or everything, but come on.

00:02:13.180 You're Roseanne Barr.

00:02:14.460 Oh, you're sweet.

00:02:14.940 Probably the most successful female comedian in 50 years, maybe longer.

00:02:22.600 Probably.

00:02:23.520 Yeah.

00:02:24.480 Probably like stand-up.

00:02:26.240 Stand-up.

00:02:26.780 But I don't really know because Amy Schumer, she says she is because she's done the movies.

00:02:31.660 So she didn't like movies.

00:02:33.820 So she says she's the most successful female stand-up.

00:02:37.080 But I'm like, yeah, but we mean funny.

00:02:39.580 Yes.

00:02:40.700 Actually, I know Amy.

00:02:42.140 She, she, she, yeah.

00:02:43.780 I like Amy.

00:02:44.380 I'm going to pull that out.

00:02:46.100 What was that line?

00:02:47.020 Like they said about John F. Kennedy to Dan Quayle.

00:02:49.860 Was it Al Gore?

00:02:50.780 Like, I like Amy Schumer.

00:02:52.160 You're great, but you're no John F. Kennedy.

00:02:54.640 She's no Roseanne Barr. 0.69

00:02:57.000 But nobody is.

00:02:58.360 Nobody is.

00:02:59.100 Oh, you're so sweet.

00:03:00.140 You know, uh, when I'm really drunk, I really will, uh, agree with you there.

00:03:05.400 When I'm really drunk and I start going off to my son, these people, but, you know, try

00:03:10.880 not to go there to the edge, you know, cause you said you quit drinking.

00:03:14.360 Yes.

00:03:14.880 Yes.

00:03:15.500 I stopped.

00:03:16.620 Uh, it was the only drug I hadn't tried was sobriety.

00:03:20.760 I had done everything and it was getting harder and harder to get anything out of it.

00:03:28.700 And I'm going like, what about this thing where you don't do anything?

00:03:32.620 And then it was amazing.

00:03:34.000 It is, uh, I'm literally, and I hate to say this because it sounds like a hippie thing,

00:03:38.900 but I'm high.

00:03:40.100 Like when I get up in the morning, because I, I've never had mornings before, like I get

00:03:44.760 up and I'm like, it's seven.

00:03:46.600 I feel good.

00:03:47.220 I feel good.

00:03:48.100 What is this thing?

00:03:49.040 I, there used to be all these problems I had.

00:03:51.240 Like I was like, usually I'd be depressed or anxious and all that stuff, you know, it might

00:03:56.340 still pop up here and there, but it's amazing.

00:03:58.340 I, a lot of that moodiness and weirdness and ambivalence kind of like drifted away.

00:04:03.760 And, uh, I, I'm actually interested in things.

00:04:06.140 I didn't quit drinking.

00:04:07.380 Cause I thought like, what would I do with all that time?

00:04:10.680 And it turns out you can do a lot of stuff.

00:04:13.780 You can do a lot of, you can do like weird things.

00:04:16.240 I go for walks.

00:04:17.180 I would never go for a walk. 0.98

00:04:18.840 I thought that walking was for losers. 0.83

00:04:21.240 Like, what are you going to walk to? 0.96

00:04:24.760 Were you going for a walk? 1.00

00:04:26.120 How stupid is that? 1.00

00:04:28.020 And now I like. 1.00

00:04:28.780 Cause you'd rather be sitting there drinking and chatting, but it's about chatting, isn't

00:04:33.400 it?

00:04:33.580 You know what it is?

00:04:34.280 It's like the, the, yeah.

00:04:35.860 Drinking was about being with your thoughts and, and work in, in hypothesizing.

00:04:42.380 Like, it's almost like beta testing the future.

00:04:45.060 Like, and I love doing that.

00:04:47.260 But at the same time, it's like, I was also just avoiding things.

00:04:51.600 And, um, I was incredibly, I was, as I got more and older, I was just becoming more antisocial.

00:04:57.480 Like I was no longer drinking with other people.

00:05:00.140 I would, um, avoid, I was like, I'm not going to go to a bar.

00:05:03.560 I have to wait for a waiter.

00:05:05.200 I have to wait, wait for a bartender.

00:05:08.300 There are other people there.

00:05:09.900 I just, you know, just go home, get a bottle of wine.

00:05:12.200 And so it just became more isolational.

00:05:14.420 And I decided, you know what I got?

00:05:16.520 It's, it's time.

00:05:18.100 It's time.

00:05:19.500 2024 is coming up.

00:05:20.720 I got to be ready.

00:05:21.800 Yeah.

00:05:22.060 You've got to, there's a big fight.

00:05:24.200 But were you, so did you get sober or did you just quit drinking?

00:05:28.360 I got sober.

00:05:30.000 I mean, I didn't go, I didn't go to any rehab.

00:05:32.040 I just, uh, it was just, it's a click went off in my head and, uh, and I, and I just been

00:05:38.840 thinking about it.

00:05:40.020 I've been thinking about it for a while, but I always put it off.

00:05:42.800 And then for some reason I just decided, eh, that's it.

00:05:46.580 And, um, and, uh, that was it.

00:05:49.460 And then I've been like, you know, I.

00:05:51.200 Do you think it's because also you got so busy?

00:05:53.960 I mean, you're doing this show and you can't feel bad.

00:05:57.020 You have to be able to produce, you know, the work.

00:06:00.420 Exactly.

00:06:00.740 Feel good.

00:06:01.480 Exactly. 0.99

00:06:02.120 And you, you have to kind of, um, be able to not put all your shit on other people. 0.99

00:06:08.800 And when you're drinking, you do. 0.99

00:06:10.700 That's true.

00:06:11.220 And it's just like, you know, if you're not feeling well, then no one else is either.

00:06:15.020 And I just had to like, you know, maybe if I just tried this other drug, what would

00:06:20.960 happen?

00:06:21.460 And then, and then all of a sudden it's like, things are pretty good, but it was always

00:06:25.900 the fear of what the rest of your life is like if you quit.

00:06:29.920 Well, you can always start back.

00:06:31.980 That's what I tell myself.

00:06:33.800 That's how I could quit smoking.

00:06:35.460 I swear to God.

00:06:36.160 Cause I'm like, you can stop a while and then start again if you really want.

00:06:41.060 Just, yeah.

00:06:41.660 You just don't, you know, the line is you don't drink for today.

00:06:44.440 I don't drink today.

00:06:45.640 You know, who knows what will happen tomorrow and then tomorrow I'll say, well, I don't

00:06:48.760 drink, I don't drink then.

00:06:49.920 And then all of a sudden you start racking up the days, you know, and pretty soon you

00:06:53.920 got months and then years.

00:06:55.940 I'm not at years yet, but you know, we'll see.

00:06:58.540 How long are you at?

00:06:58.780 It seems like you're liking it and feeling good.

00:07:00.940 I'm into my eighth month.

00:07:02.440 That's good.

00:07:03.480 Yeah.

00:07:04.220 So it's good.

00:07:05.120 Um, but, uh, things are going well.

00:07:08.240 I'm being, I am busy.

00:07:09.760 What, what's it like to like, I mean, cause we were talking before, I mean, it's such a

00:07:15.640 cultural shift and nobody's talking about it cause they don't want to talk about anything

00:07:20.060 real or anything that they don't want to define what's really happening, but it's a huge cultural

00:07:26.120 shift that, that a, uh, conservative comedy show and, and it is really well written and

00:07:32.700 really funny.

00:07:33.360 And I like that comics can say things on there and they don't have to act like goons.

00:07:39.180 Yes. 0.97

00:07:39.600 You know, they aren't dancing with, uh, hypodermic needles and shit like that.

00:07:44.020 But, um, you know, you're saying something and it's a cultural shift because it's more 0.62

00:07:49.020 to the conservative side.

00:07:50.560 And these guys, I mean, they're just drowning in unfunny.

00:07:55.340 And they're scared.

00:07:56.600 They're scared.

00:07:57.380 I do think it all came down to speech because think about the shift, the fact that like

00:08:02.700 you're, I, you're no longer in this camp and the show is successful and they all have something

00:08:10.260 in common.

00:08:10.960 It's the freedom to say what you want.

00:08:13.120 And once the left and liberals gave that up, we snatched it.

00:08:17.800 Yeah, we did.

00:08:18.320 We snatched it and we ran with it.

00:08:20.380 And you can tell how like uncomfortable comedians of the, of the left are when they're there.

00:08:27.020 They know that there's a line, there's a line they can't cross.

00:08:29.760 Meanwhile, you and I, we can say whatever we want and we share the risk.

00:08:34.360 You get in trouble.

00:08:35.640 You get in trouble.

00:08:36.700 I will defend you.

00:08:37.600 If I get in trouble, I hope you, I know you will, but I mean, you know what I mean?

00:08:41.600 It's like, we, we understand that we're here to say what we think.

00:08:47.120 And if that goes away, what's there, what's left to do?

00:08:50.420 Then we'll be unfunny.

00:08:51.680 Yeah.

00:08:52.020 You know what?

00:08:52.560 It is like that.

00:08:53.440 We have the right to punch up and they don't.

00:08:56.140 Yeah.

00:08:56.420 They got to the ceiling.

00:08:58.180 It's kind of like a glass ceiling or some other kind of ceiling where they cannot punch

00:09:02.540 up because they're too scared, but they, then they have to punch down.

00:09:06.840 Yeah.

00:09:07.200 And it's never funny to punch down.

00:09:09.900 I mean, sometimes it is.

00:09:11.080 They accuse us.

00:09:11.940 If you're fatter, drunk or something.

00:09:13.600 They accuse us of punching down when we go after any kind of identity group, which I believe

00:09:19.780 is punching up.

00:09:20.700 I do too.

00:09:21.500 Because anybody that, that professes that they have a higher, I don't know, they, they're,

00:09:26.580 they have, they have rights because they're victims.

00:09:29.020 Well, that they have the high moral ground when they don't.

00:09:32.180 Yes.

00:09:32.560 And so like, how dare you, you know, I do a lot of stuff on trans and they go, you're 1.00

00:09:37.560 punching down.

00:09:38.040 I go, no, I'm not.

00:09:38.680 They have more rights now, according to the left.

00:09:42.140 That's right.

00:09:42.760 You know what I mean?

00:09:43.400 If a man can play, you know, go swimming against women in college sports, I think he has more 1.00

00:09:48.540 rights.

00:09:49.240 Well, girls, a man against girls. 0.99

00:09:52.700 Exactly.

00:09:53.000 And it's like, so to me, it's like, uh, such a continuation of, uh, the worst of patriarchy

00:10:00.820 that you can come to, but they don't even see it because they're so brainwashed because

00:10:05.120 the left really thinks it controls thought and language. 0.99

00:10:09.680 And so all they do is, uh, vomit up meaningless bullshit that nobody thinks is funny. 1.00

00:10:15.400 Do you know who's the worst at this are women? 1.00

00:10:19.540 And you know, Michael Malice, you know, Michael Malice, right?

00:10:22.020 Love.

00:10:22.580 He came up with this great acronym called awful.

00:10:25.620 Yes.

00:10:26.020 Affluent white female liberals. 0.97

00:10:28.660 Women are so quick to throw other women under the bus. 1.00

00:10:31.840 Oh, they can't wait.

00:10:32.920 And it, and it, and it's what happened to me.

00:10:34.760 Yeah, exactly.

00:10:35.920 They're like, Oh my God.

00:10:37.680 They're always clutching their pearls, even though they probably think pearls are like

00:10:40.940 patriarchal.

00:10:41.740 And then, and, and, uh, they will, um, it will actually indulge a man who has

00:10:48.660 gynephilia.

00:10:49.860 You know, he gets, he gets off on, they will say that that person has more rights than the

00:10:54.940 women that they're like, and it's like, it's like, where are the female teachers? 1.00

00:10:59.340 Peepers.

00:10:59.920 These guys are peepers.

00:11:01.320 Yes. 1.00

00:11:01.720 A lot of them are fucking peepers. 1.00

00:11:03.420 That's what we used to call them. 1.00

00:11:05.140 Peeping toms.

00:11:06.040 Yeah.

00:11:06.520 And they're over there saying, come on in.

00:11:08.680 Yeah.

00:11:09.040 Peep this here.

00:11:10.240 Yeah.

00:11:10.520 You know, and then they're like, you're not having a peeper.

00:11:13.760 You trans folk.

00:11:15.400 And I'm like, you know what?

00:11:16.460 It's just like, okay.

00:11:17.580 Well, once they, once we got COVID, you remember how there was no flu anymore.

00:11:21.540 Right. 0.73

00:11:21.920 Well, now there's no more transvestites. 1.00

00:11:24.460 That's true. 0.76

00:11:25.240 And there's no more peepers.

00:11:26.760 There's no more exhibitionists.

00:11:29.120 There's only.

00:11:30.100 No more perfects.

00:11:31.040 The nudists must feel like there's cultural appropriation going on.

00:11:34.700 Think about that.

00:11:35.260 Yeah.

00:11:35.500 I remember growing up in the seventies, they were always called transvestites or cross-dressers.

00:11:41.960 It got like, what?

00:11:43.080 Corporal Klinger.

00:11:44.680 Remember Corporal Klinger from M.A.S.H.?

00:11:46.940 Yeah.

00:11:47.300 Yeah.

00:11:47.940 It's like, now he's like, that's, he should be mad.

00:11:51.100 Jamie Farr should be upset.

00:11:53.240 That now that.

00:11:54.080 I think he's flattered.

00:11:55.480 Yeah.

00:11:55.740 He thinks that he's really started something.

00:11:58.540 Yes.

00:11:58.780 Yes.

00:11:59.460 The seventies had it down with that stuff.

00:12:02.240 Like Barney Miller had like, had great.

00:12:05.280 That was a great show.

00:12:05.980 Yeah.

00:12:06.220 They had like a great gay character.

00:12:08.200 They had always had, but now it's like everything is so serious and solemn and, and like, you know.

00:12:13.180 And not funny.

00:12:14.020 And not funny.

00:12:14.640 They got a whole law against whatever.

00:12:17.200 That's how I felt when I went back to come back, you know, it was like the war against

00:12:22.560 funny, the gauntlet against funny.

00:12:25.240 That can't be funny.

00:12:26.980 You know, it's a gauntlet.

00:12:28.880 Yeah.

00:12:29.180 And of course I fought and when we got laughs and feel vanquished and vindicated, but I mean,

00:12:37.380 now it's like, it needs to be the, it needs to be this.

00:12:41.480 Hmm.

00:12:42.040 Yeah.

00:12:42.660 In lieu of a real belly laugh. 0.77

00:12:45.460 They hate it.

00:12:46.400 It's like when you now watch the, like, okay.

00:12:48.860 In this late, in the mid to late seventies, watching the Oscars was like a group thing.

00:12:53.420 It was fun.

00:12:54.080 Now you watch it and you can just feel the stress of the, of the people talking.

00:12:59.600 Like they're like, everybody has to be careful and all the nominees have to be a specific

00:13:04.380 kind of thing.

00:13:05.680 And, and everybody is so careful.

00:13:07.960 It's like, there is no joy.

00:13:09.360 That to me is the pinnacle.

00:13:10.580 Yeah.

00:13:10.900 The joy is gone.

00:13:12.480 The joy of comedy, the joy of creating something.

00:13:15.420 The joy of when you've got a good idea and everybody's in on it, like doing a show.

00:13:20.400 Yeah, exactly.

00:13:20.960 Like the Mickey Rooney old thing of let's put on a show.

00:13:24.240 Um, they just killed that.

00:13:25.880 Yeah.

00:13:26.000 They just murdered it in its crib. 0.95

00:13:28.540 They're just horrible. 0.97

00:13:30.180 Yes.

00:13:30.640 Frigging.

00:13:31.240 Oh, they're horrible. 0.94

00:13:32.540 You know?

00:13:33.380 And, uh.

00:13:34.220 And they hate, they hate it when they see success on the other side.

00:13:38.360 They, they have to like, Oh, they're things.

00:13:40.720 Oh, that's not funny.

00:13:41.620 That's not funny.

00:13:42.500 Oh, you know, they, it was always conservatives can't be funny, but now they won't even talk

00:13:47.400 about it.

00:13:48.120 No.

00:13:48.460 Like Adam Carolla told me that it's so personal over there and the other side that they have

00:13:54.500 to pretend it doesn't exist.

00:13:55.980 Yeah.

00:13:56.580 Like they've got horse blinders on.

00:13:58.580 Yes.

00:13:58.940 They can't, they can't see.

00:14:00.260 And of course they've totally written me out of the entire social of, you know, it's

00:14:06.880 pretty amazing when they, I, I, I did three guest spots on the show, the office, you know?

00:14:13.620 Oh yeah.

00:14:14.420 And somebody just told me they wrote a book about all the guests, people that guested 0.90

00:14:18.500 on how great they were as guest stars.

00:14:20.340 I'm not even mentioned.

00:14:22.100 And I was on three times.

00:14:23.340 It's like, she never existed, which was how it was when I first came.

00:14:27.880 Yeah.

00:14:28.120 It's like that woman, she's, why is she not serving us coffee? 0.97

00:14:31.860 And she's criticizing our scripts.

00:14:34.120 You know, it was that kind of like, so arrogant leadership.

00:14:38.660 And you know who made that decision.

00:14:41.120 Okay.

00:14:41.520 It was a combination of like some young person, like a Gen Z or somebody who had, who can't 0.96

00:14:47.980 write and can't tell jokes, but you know, makes themselves important by, by making these

00:14:53.880 decisions.

00:14:54.480 Like, you know what?

00:14:55.480 I think a lot of people, you know, a lot of people might be uncomfortable.

00:14:59.000 That's exactly what they say.

00:15:00.380 Yeah.

00:15:00.500 I think, you know, maybe, you know, maybe it wouldn't hurt to, you know, I just want,

00:15:04.740 no, you know what the word is?

00:15:05.680 I just want people to feel safe.

00:15:08.460 Everybody now has to feel safe.

00:15:10.900 And it's like, they've ruined the phrase safe.

00:15:13.260 Remember when it was, when art was supposed to be unsafe?

00:15:17.080 Yeah.

00:15:17.360 It's supposed to make you think and feel and react.

00:15:19.220 Like, I remember like, you know, artists would do terrible things, terrible things.

00:15:25.240 Now they're like, they have to like, make sure there's a, there's a, a play in England

00:15:31.040 right now that has a trigger warning against eating oranges.

00:15:34.540 Did you know this?

00:15:35.560 Because the people on stage are eating oranges.

00:15:38.600 It's a, it's a, it's a play about like transphobia.

00:15:41.760 It's a queer play, but they're worried because the characters are eating oranges that it might 0.97

00:15:47.300 be, uh, might cause some kind of like, uh, PTSD.

00:15:51.480 What's the trigger of eating oranges?

00:15:53.080 It's called misophonia, which is, uh, like you have a, um, uh, uh, a fear of hearing certain

00:16:00.280 sounds.

00:16:01.020 Oh yeah.

00:16:01.260 That's like, uh, married women with their husbands. 0.99

00:16:03.300 I've heard about like, no, that's the true thing. 0.99

00:16:05.120 Like you want to hit your husband in the head when you hear him chew.

00:16:06.880 Is it that maybe, but I think that they probably made it into something worth, I mean, I don't 0.96

00:16:12.620 like it when people, no, it makes you want to hit them, but like, that's like, if you're

00:16:17.000 going to a play and you can't handle that, you can't handle watching someone eat an orange.

00:16:22.640 It's just too far.

00:16:23.660 That's what it is.

00:16:24.160 That makes me applaud for the possibility of the hydrogen bomb drop on all of us. 1.00

00:16:29.780 Do you think John Waters could make his old movies like pink flamingos or anything like

00:16:34.640 that?

00:16:34.920 No.

00:16:35.100 I mean, maybe he could.

00:16:36.280 I mean, they're more relevant now than ever.

00:16:38.820 Anything he ever did is so relevant.

00:16:41.160 Yeah.

00:16:41.180 Female trouble. 1.00

00:16:42.180 Yeah. 0.77

00:16:42.900 Yeah. 0.53

00:16:43.300 Female trouble. 1.00

00:16:44.120 Desperate living.

00:16:45.200 They were all.

00:16:46.380 We showed them to our kids.

00:16:48.580 Desperate living.

00:16:49.020 I saw when I was nine years old.

00:16:51.160 We made our lives.

00:16:52.080 He's done my show.

00:16:53.400 He's the same person.

00:16:54.740 Yeah.

00:16:54.960 Yeah.

00:16:55.260 He smokes like five packs of cools a day.

00:16:59.240 Isn't that incredible?

00:17:00.340 I used to smoke that much.

00:17:02.080 Yeah.

00:17:02.300 And when we hung out, it was just, you need a gas mask.

00:17:06.740 But I love him.

00:17:07.900 I hope he'll do something really offensive to shake people off.

00:17:10.960 Who would have thought that hairspray would be the thing that probably made him incredibly

00:17:14.500 rich?

00:17:15.080 Right.

00:17:15.340 Like a musical, you know, I guess that was what it was.

00:17:19.540 A movie and then a musical.

00:17:20.920 About hairspray.

00:17:21.860 Right.

00:17:22.120 Yeah.

00:17:22.520 But it was cute.

00:17:23.800 Yeah.

00:17:24.020 Yeah.

00:17:24.240 That he'd be remembered for cute content.

00:17:26.500 Exactly.

00:17:27.020 If they only knew.

00:17:28.600 If they only knew.

00:17:30.040 That must torture him somehow.

00:17:32.500 It really must.

00:17:33.360 He's so funny though.

00:17:35.620 He's a great, I love all his.

00:17:38.460 That's my dream.

00:17:39.360 And I did talk to him about it way back about my dream is to be the girl, not whatever.

00:17:45.880 I want to make a movie like that.

00:17:47.900 Yeah.

00:17:48.240 About my childhood.

00:17:49.660 I just want to make a movie.

00:17:50.940 And I was just talking to people that have made movies about.

00:17:55.040 You should make a movie about your life.

00:17:57.740 Right?

00:17:58.540 Yeah.

00:17:58.920 You know, nobody would believe it.

00:18:01.560 Yeah.

00:18:01.820 But it's, I mean, come on.

00:18:03.860 I mean, it's like every, it's so many twists and turns.

00:18:07.360 Yeah.

00:18:07.880 And it's, it's like, you know, what drove me crazy was that show, the marvelous Ms. Maisel.

00:18:14.160 Oh yeah.

00:18:14.500 She was a writer of mine.

00:18:16.020 Yeah.

00:18:16.660 Oh, the, the, the, the, the, the, wait, the girl that made it. 0.73

00:18:19.600 Yeah.

00:18:19.980 Oh, then I won't.

00:18:21.880 I was going to say that the comic wasn't funny to me.

00:18:25.400 Oh, I don't even know.

00:18:27.400 I was like, well, she was, Amy was a good writer, but.

00:18:31.980 Yeah.

00:18:32.260 They probably, you know what, it's that weird thing.

00:18:34.380 Well, you know how they do.

00:18:35.540 It's the serious thing.

00:18:36.780 They're like, I mean, this is how I think.

00:18:39.540 Well, because they don't have the people, they don't have any sense of humor.

00:18:43.240 They don't like comedy.

00:18:44.760 They hate, they hate humor even more than they hate comedy and they hate witty and they

00:18:53.280 hate funny that's intelligent.

00:18:56.340 They really despise that because they don't get it, but they don't get anything above a

00:19:01.020 base joke anyway.

00:19:02.040 So they're probably like, I don't laugh.

00:19:05.780 So it's their fault.

00:19:07.040 Yeah.

00:19:07.460 So you can't have them.

00:19:08.660 And anyway, we want somebody that looks like a model.

00:19:11.320 Yeah.

00:19:11.560 Have you lost any comedian friends from old, from the old days who won't talk to you or

00:19:16.720 anything?

00:19:17.460 Oh yeah.

00:19:18.440 All the women. 0.79

00:19:19.880 Yeah, of course.

00:19:20.740 Of course.

00:19:21.620 Yeah.

00:19:22.080 Yeah.

00:19:22.640 Some, not some, but yeah.

00:19:25.900 I mean, yeah.

00:19:27.400 I mean, they painted, I mean, sometimes this is something I'm in the middle of now looking

00:19:35.480 at how they do, how they weave a whole spell around people.

00:19:40.120 So they get, they get a, a target and then they weave a whole, but you know, I'll do something

00:19:49.220 with it.

00:19:50.060 Everybody's talking to me about doing something and I don't know if I want to, but maybe I

00:19:54.740 will.

00:19:55.400 But you know, who knows?

00:19:56.680 I'm old now, so I don't know.

00:19:58.320 You can do whatever you want. 0.99

00:20:00.240 You can do whatever the fuck you want. 0.99

00:20:02.880 Well, I kind of want to do this. 0.99

00:20:04.960 I kind of wrote this sitcom for myself, you know, and, uh.

00:20:10.120 I was visiting an idol of mine yesterday, which was the first time I had met her.

00:20:16.460 Anyway, so we were.

00:20:18.360 Did you say who it was?

00:20:19.440 Well, it was Elaine May.

00:20:21.600 Oh, wow.

00:20:22.320 Yes.

00:20:22.400 Oh my God.

00:20:23.160 It was awesome.

00:20:24.020 They say she never invites anybody and she invited me.

00:20:27.260 How old?

00:20:27.880 How old is she? 0.98

00:20:28.900 Well.

00:20:29.380 I think 91.

00:20:29.900 Well, we're not, as I asked her, she said, she's not at liberty to say, but she, she invented

00:20:37.400 a whole genre of comedy, which I thanked her on behalf of all my friend comic going, God,

00:20:42.880 she introduced, uh, you know, that whole improv.

00:20:46.620 Yeah.

00:20:46.920 She and Mike Nicholson, you know, how that just changed generations forever.

00:20:51.260 And she's still so funny.

00:20:53.800 And so I was watching her movies and all like that.

00:20:56.480 And she said, just get a guy with a camera. 0.99

00:20:59.780 And then we were talking about, well, when you're funny and you can see funny and you

00:21:04.100 can write funny, you don't really need more than a guy with a camera.

00:21:07.900 Cause you start thinking, oh, I need the staff and the produce.

00:21:11.840 That's where it goes bad.

00:21:13.720 Yeah.

00:21:14.120 That's what I wanted to talk to you about is the funny that you're doing.

00:21:19.380 Now I know that we were doing our research on you and we knew that you were at Berkeley

00:21:24.660 and that's when you started to, I mean, there's two streams that I want to talk to you about.

00:21:28.980 One is waking up from being at Berkeley and realizing that you're at Berkeley and to them

00:21:35.680 becoming like who you are now because you were in, you went to men's editing.

00:21:41.120 Yeah.

00:21:41.400 I was, uh, yeah, I was, uh, well,

00:21:44.120 I mean, first I was, I was, uh, uh, a romantic liberal because it got you a lot of attention

00:21:49.780 and extra credit.

00:21:51.240 I remember when I, when I was in high school, uh, if we mark, if we got signatures for the

00:21:57.720 nuclear freeze in California, we could get extra credit.

00:22:00.940 That's what I did for my, at my high school.

00:22:03.080 And then, so I got, I wanted to go to Berkeley.

00:22:04.900 And of course, when I got there, my romantic view of liberalism was faced with the reality

00:22:11.640 of it. 0.98

00:22:12.080 And I was, I saw what I saw them up close and I go, my God, these people are crazy. 0.99

00:22:18.420 I mean, they were crazy. 0.64

00:22:20.200 And, and also I started meeting people that weren't like, uh, that actually read.

00:22:26.160 And I realized I wasn't reading a lot.

00:22:28.460 And I found, I started reading national review and this other magazine called American spectator,

00:22:33.260 which I ended up working for, for like a year.

00:22:35.800 And I, I just started to kind of educate myself on a world that I didn't know existed.

00:22:40.940 I was just, I just thought liberalism was all there is.

00:22:43.820 I didn't even like, even with Ronald Reagan, I just thought he was a president.

00:22:48.440 I didn't understand if what, what, what, like my parents probably voted for him, but they

00:22:52.240 were Democrats.

00:22:52.920 Democrats, but I didn't really know that there was much difference, not that there is anymore

00:22:57.780 really, except for Trump.

00:22:59.120 But I mean, it's like, there was, you know, I didn't, I didn't think much about it.

00:23:03.560 I remember when Reagan won in 84, a guy came back, I was living in a fraternity and he was

00:23:11.120 screaming with joy.

00:23:12.960 And I was like, what's the big deal?

00:23:14.160 I didn't even understand it.

00:23:15.480 And it wasn't until later that it started to put it together.

00:23:18.900 And I started to think for myself and I started reading.

00:23:22.660 And then I started to realize that the reason why I held liberal beliefs was because they

00:23:27.120 were easy and they made me look smarter than I was.

00:23:30.920 And the false compassion of it all, like to pretend that you care.

00:23:34.520 And I realized, I realized this with a liberal compassion is that it's the opposite because

00:23:39.980 it never factors in the, uh, the consequences for the other people.

00:23:45.060 So like you can say you're compassion about trans athletes, but you're actually not compassion

00:23:51.080 to the other athletes, but you don't address that.

00:23:54.120 And if you look at immigration, I am compassionate about those claiming asylum to come across,

00:23:58.940 but you're not actually compassion to all the people where the jobs are being displaced

00:24:03.080 or the people that waited in line did all the right things.

00:24:05.600 So you ignore the, they, they don't understand the consequences of their so-called compassion

00:24:11.920 crime.

00:24:12.820 I'm for like criminal justice reform, no bail, no bail, you know, blah, blah.

00:24:17.660 And then when they hear that the recidivist has then committed eight more crimes and beat

00:24:21.420 up women, you don't look at that. 1.00

00:24:23.340 You don't look at that.

00:24:23.980 So I started to learn that there was a whole other side to my beliefs that I, that I hadn't looked

00:24:28.520 at, that changed me in terms of magazines.

00:24:31.360 That would be like, that, that's a kind of an, an awakening and an expansion of a moral

00:24:39.080 view, isn't it?

00:24:40.280 Yes.

00:24:40.640 And I didn't, it was, and I didn't have that before.

00:24:43.420 And it was, it was, it's like, I, I, I swung, I swung from like one end to the other.

00:24:49.620 And then I started becoming a, like a crazy little right winger.

00:24:53.160 I went to, um, I went to a animal rights, uh, uh, concert where the B 52s were playing 0.99

00:25:00.040 and I was handing out like, like stickers that said, nuke the whales, you know, just

00:25:06.040 really.

00:25:06.440 And, oh, there was a, a one that said, I, you know how they have like I heart baby seals.

00:25:11.040 It was the club from a club baby.

00:25:13.400 And I was handing that that's how, so it was, I kind of probably went a little too far, but,

00:25:17.740 uh, um, but that, and that was in DC when I was an intern.

00:25:20.920 And then I ended up, uh, you know, writing, trying to learn to write while trying to learn

00:25:26.020 to write for magazines and stuff.

00:25:27.900 I ended up as the fitness editor of prevention magazine.

00:25:30.920 I don't know if you remember prevention.

00:25:32.760 Yeah.

00:25:32.980 And then from there I hopped over to men's health, became the editor.

00:25:36.740 I was fired from there after doing a piece called the best colleges for men.

00:25:41.900 This is like 1990, no, 2000, 2000.

00:25:46.080 And I was, we were seeing how things were changing, uh, where, uh, against kids, boys.

00:25:53.420 Yeah.

00:25:53.800 And so, uh, that's about the year where people started talking about it too.

00:25:57.680 Yeah.

00:25:58.020 And, and so the, I, I said that I think the worst college for men, I, I, I can't remember

00:26:03.480 what it was, but it turned out to be the CEO's alma mater.

00:26:07.360 So I was done.

00:26:08.320 And then I went to stuff magazine was the editor there, moved to Maxim in the UK.

00:26:12.440 And then I ended up kind of coming back and ended up, uh, as working at red eye in between

00:26:18.320 there, I was doing a lot of other weird things, but, uh, red eye was my first TV show. 0.97

00:26:22.120 Didn't know what the fuck I was doing. 0.95

00:26:24.420 Had no idea. 0.98

00:26:25.580 They, Fox basically said, I showed up there and they said, uh, so, um, we're going to do

00:26:31.860 a show.

00:26:32.220 And I thought, I feel like three months and they go, yeah.

00:26:34.060 So you're going to rehearse for a couple of days and then we're going to go live on

00:26:36.900 Monday.

00:26:37.660 I had, I was, I was shitting myself.

00:26:40.560 I was drinking, drinking during the rehearsals, drinking before the show, drinking after the

00:26:47.640 show.

00:26:48.060 Me and the other panelists would go to this bar and we'd be like, what are we doing?

00:26:52.240 And then within five months, it became something like fun.

00:26:57.780 It was like, all of a sudden we figured it out.

00:26:59.540 You're not supposed to care, right?

00:27:01.580 You're not supposed to care.

00:27:03.520 Why do you care?

00:27:04.940 Why do you, who cares if you screw up?

00:27:07.740 That's part of the show.

00:27:09.060 And then all of a sudden it became such a weird cult phenomenon and we started getting

00:27:13.280 numbers.

00:27:14.460 You know, we were beating morning Joe.

00:27:16.400 I remember that like at three in the morning, we were beating morning Joe at NBC, which is on

00:27:21.060 at like nine and, and we started just getting, that's amazing.

00:27:24.620 That's college kids, right?

00:27:26.080 Yeah.

00:27:26.320 Yeah.

00:27:26.460 Yeah.

00:27:26.680 Yeah.

00:27:26.720 And, and also like insomniacs, truck drivers, you know, it was, uh, uh, I remember like

00:27:32.540 we had our core audience was like breastfeeders.

00:27:36.900 I'm sorry.

00:27:37.480 Chest feeders.

00:27:38.540 Oh yeah.

00:27:39.180 Say that in the demographic.

00:27:40.420 Yeah.

00:27:40.660 Yeah.

00:27:41.020 But it was, and then, uh, and then he started the five and it was like, Ailes was like,

00:27:45.120 put this guy in there.

00:27:46.240 Maybe see what happens. 0.98

00:27:47.080 And, you know, it was, you know, it just fucking took off. 0.98

00:27:51.140 That thing was like crazy. 0.98

00:27:53.000 Yeah.

00:27:53.240 And it's like, yeah.

00:27:54.200 And it, and then I got my show on the weekends and then that became nightly and I did, you

00:28:00.040 know, it's funny.

00:28:00.500 I've got to talk about this because I did not want to do the nightly show because I

00:28:05.060 was already doing the five and the weekly show.

00:28:07.140 I didn't want to target on my back.

00:28:08.540 This is like 2017.

00:28:10.120 Well, maybe 20, no, maybe it's like 2020.

00:28:13.720 And I was like, I didn't want, I didn't want the pro I was, I was making decent money.

00:28:19.520 I had enough work to do.

00:28:21.320 You mean to go into late night?

00:28:22.520 Yeah.

00:28:22.780 Yeah.

00:28:23.020 I was just going to do my show.

00:28:24.460 Yeah.

00:28:24.760 You thought it was going to be like a Joan Rivers.

00:28:27.100 Remember how they tried to kill her for late night? 0.70

00:28:30.500 Yeah.

00:28:30.620 But also everybody was every, it was canceled culture.

00:28:34.580 And I remember telling the boss, I go like, I don't think, you know, I'm going to think

00:28:38.520 about it.

00:28:39.200 And I talked to one late night host, uh, Dennis Miller.

00:28:42.760 And he said, Greg, you got a good thing going.

00:28:44.700 Don't you blah, blah, blah.

00:28:45.580 And he convinced me, don't do it.

00:28:47.440 And then I called Tucker and I go, yeah, Tucker.

00:28:50.600 And I, Oh, I'd already made it in my mind.

00:28:52.320 I wasn't doing it.

00:28:53.400 I'm not doing the show.

00:28:55.060 And so, but something made me think I should just call Tucker.

00:28:58.820 I go, Hey, Tucker.

00:28:59.540 I go, so, uh, Fox offered me this nightly thing.

00:29:02.760 And he goes, you gotta do it.

00:29:05.520 What are you thinking?

00:29:06.840 You have to do it.

00:29:08.700 And I go, but I think it goes, no, no, no, no, no.

00:29:10.820 You have to do, you have, Oh, this is great.

00:29:13.520 And I'm like, I'd already made up my mind.

00:29:15.760 I'm supposed to tell them on Monday that was on a Friday.

00:29:18.500 And he completely turned me around and he was like, what do you, why are you, why are

00:29:23.420 you even hesitating?

00:29:24.960 And I was trying to explain to him and he goes, who cares?

00:29:28.080 It's like, who cares?

00:29:29.540 Just do it.

00:29:30.820 And then I just go, my God, he's right. 0.98

00:29:32.880 And it just like, it was like, I needed somebody to just kick me in the face. 0.95

00:29:36.760 Yeah. 0.64

00:29:37.080 And cause he like, he has that energy.

00:29:39.560 He, he has, you know, he's fearless.

00:29:42.060 And it's like, I just, sometimes you need somebody to kind of like transfuse their fearlessness

00:29:47.680 into you.

00:29:48.940 And that's what happened.

00:29:50.460 And then I was like, you know what?

00:29:52.960 If people come after me, people come after me.

00:29:55.960 And then like, and then we went out all, you know, to the wall, rude, unapologetic, and

00:30:02.280 there was nothing people could do about it.

00:30:04.280 Right. 1.00

00:30:04.460 You know, when you do that, when you, when you say, fuck them, you just like, you know. 1.00

00:30:10.180 Well, it gets funny. 0.99

00:30:12.100 So I, that's what I was going to ask you about, but you'd never stand up or any of that kind 1.00

00:30:16.360 of stuff.

00:30:17.000 No, it doesn't make sense to me how you went from just a regular and then get funny, funny,

00:30:22.920 funny without.

00:30:23.760 I, I, I think it was from, I've been asked this from editorial meetings and magazines

00:30:30.100 when we would meet and to discuss ideas.

00:30:32.460 So you'd have like six or seven people there.

00:30:35.180 I would run these meetings and it'd be like, what do you think, Steve?

00:30:37.960 And we're talking about something.

00:30:38.960 And we would just go, we'd spend hours doing this to do a monthly magazine and, and there

00:30:43.720 would be cover lines coming up.

00:30:45.260 I think a lot of it came from those meetings because I, you know, I do stand up now on these

00:30:51.620 shows, but I'd like, I, you know, it just, you know, I never thought I, I, I, I love

00:30:58.020 stand up comedians.

00:30:59.100 I mean, I could, I mean, I was like, that's all I watched on the tonight show.

00:31:03.520 You know, I was a tonight show freak, a Letterman freak, all of that.

00:31:07.320 But I just never thought I could, you know, I, that would be my thing.

00:31:10.580 I was a writer.

00:31:11.860 I was somebody that like writes funny stuff or I'm going to write a novel.

00:31:16.200 And, and then this just kind of happened.

00:31:18.620 Uh, and I just kept moving toward it and it.

00:31:21.620 And then it just turned into this thing, you know, are you so like, you must be so

00:31:26.240 gratified.

00:31:27.380 Oh, I am.

00:31:28.160 I am.

00:31:28.520 It's just, it's so, first of all, it's unheard of.

00:31:30.880 It's amazing.

00:31:32.020 It's a huge victory against everything that we all hate.

00:31:36.200 Yes.

00:31:36.620 It's, it's, it's, I have to stop and think about, it's not just a show.

00:31:41.540 It's a show that so many people wanted to stop.

00:31:45.300 Yeah.

00:31:45.620 So it's, it's like a, it's more than success in a way.

00:31:49.000 It's a victory.

00:31:50.400 And, uh, and also I, I forget that I talked about this, like, I would talk about this

00:31:56.740 with Breitbart when he was alive about like, you know, there needs to be this thing.

00:32:00.980 There needs to be this thing.

00:32:02.400 I didn't know that it was going to be me.

00:32:04.160 Yeah.

00:32:04.500 You know, it's like, I mean, red eye, we tried to do that, but we assumed that like,

00:32:10.140 we're on a 3am when nobody watches, this is like a ghetto, you know, but it was actually 0.72

00:32:17.440 Ailes was really smart.

00:32:19.260 He put me in a place to fail where I could fail every night.

00:32:23.960 And then over time I got comfortable.

00:32:26.380 And it's like, it was like, I was doing open mic nights.

00:32:29.680 Yeah.

00:32:29.900 I developed.

00:32:30.560 That's so unheard of on television.

00:32:32.760 It's unheard of.

00:32:33.520 So I didn't like, I don't know how many shows I just like seven years.

00:32:36.580 Maybe I think I was doing red eye and then the five overlap and it was like, I got the

00:32:42.060 best training and now I can talk and I can think what on my feet, I still write a lot

00:32:48.880 of notes, but that's because I have like, I have to have some kind of substance about

00:32:52.900 the topic, but it's like, sometimes I rely on it too much, but it's like, I, you know,

00:32:57.800 I think, you know, it, it's, it's, it happened at the pace that it was supposed to happen.

00:33:04.380 Yeah.

00:33:04.540 You know, I didn't get there too soon.

00:33:06.640 I didn't get there too late.

00:33:08.180 Yeah.

00:33:08.400 You know, and it's been great.

00:33:09.840 And also I have a great, I mean, Kyrus is amazing.

00:33:12.080 That's amazing.

00:33:13.000 Yeah.

00:33:13.180 They're amazing.

00:33:14.240 Yeah.

00:33:14.540 I mean, it's an amazing forum for any comment that goes on there.

00:33:17.920 I, yeah, you have, there's such different people.

00:33:20.800 You got Kat, who's this like sly, uh, you know, obviously libertarian, but just also just 1.00

00:33:27.600 kind of adorable.

00:33:28.840 I like how witty she is because we don't get to see witty women on TV ever. 1.00

00:33:34.320 And she's a, she is, she's hysterical. 0.52

00:33:37.640 And of course, Kyrus is like, he's like a sage, you know, it's like, you know, people

00:33:42.680 don't, you know, if they don't, if they just looked at him, they'd assume he's a wrestler,

00:33:46.220 but the dude just drops a lot of wisdom.

00:33:49.780 Well, Ma, they're back at it again.

00:33:51.280 As you know, the U S government and China are trying to kill us some more, trying to 0.93

00:33:56.620 kill us some more. 0.80

00:33:57.260 Yeah. 0.92

00:33:57.400 Apparently they're doing more gain of function research this time with the bird flu.

00:34:00.500 They want to make it more deadly and more infectious.

00:34:02.620 Of course they do.

00:34:03.720 They're trying to kill us.

00:34:04.820 We've been through COVID.

00:34:05.700 We've been through it all, but we do sell a product, TWC, these, these medical health

00:34:10.040 kits and all the emergency medical kits.

00:34:12.180 Sorry.

00:34:13.160 And you know, I think this is the best thing you can do to get ahead of it.

00:34:16.460 So now that there's now bird flu coming back, why don't you tell the people a little bit

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00:36:52.400 Well, or even better.

00:36:53.840 And you'll sound better too.

00:36:57.280 And it's like, wow, I didn't think of that.

00:36:59.820 I mean, he's on the spot funny too.

00:37:01.760 Oh, yeah.

00:37:02.740 He just shows up with it.

00:37:04.300 Yeah, exactly.

00:37:05.500 Another person that was like, probably didn't intend to be doing this.

00:37:09.400 You know, it's crazy.

00:37:11.840 I did talk to him about standup though.

00:37:13.860 He said he hadn't done it.

00:37:15.520 Yeah, he's doing it.

00:37:16.420 I mean, he's now doing these live shows and, but he does it his way, you know, and he writes,

00:37:23.780 you know, he writes his jokes.

00:37:25.220 It's like, it's kind of, it's pretty ballsy too.

00:37:27.680 But then again, professional wrestlers are performers.

00:37:30.500 Yeah.

00:37:30.880 You know, you got to be smart.

00:37:32.460 You have to be really smart to actually hold a story in your head, you know, time it so

00:37:38.640 it develops.

00:37:39.420 And then also like be physical.

00:37:41.640 Yeah.

00:37:41.900 I don't know how they do that.

00:37:43.560 I don't know.

00:37:43.900 I think they have to rehearse a lot.

00:37:45.820 Yeah.

00:37:46.360 And I mean, all those guys are smart.

00:37:48.300 I mean, The Rock is smart.

00:37:50.000 Trying to think of others.

00:37:51.040 I'm walking into a dead end.

00:37:53.060 No, no.

00:37:54.040 I'm a huge wrestling fan.

00:37:55.540 There you go.

00:37:56.180 Yes.

00:37:56.720 They do things called calls.

00:37:57.460 What's his name?

00:37:58.140 Was the governor?

00:37:59.720 Jesse Ventura is a genius.

00:38:00.900 Yeah.

00:38:01.340 I don't know whatever happened to it, but they do things called calls because they work

00:38:04.200 together.

00:38:04.440 It comes from the carnivals.

00:38:05.640 So they have codes when they're on the ring.

00:38:07.780 They'll throw out a word or stuff and they know what to do.

00:38:10.660 It's, it's the symbiosis.

00:38:12.140 It's amazing.

00:38:12.760 Yeah.

00:38:13.060 Because they have like a specific move that they've rehearsed.

00:38:15.880 Yeah.

00:38:16.080 No, they'll call it.

00:38:16.860 They'll be like, we're going to do the 447 and then they know what to do.

00:38:19.420 Have you seen the movie Ricky Stenicki yet?

00:38:22.300 No.

00:38:23.040 It's a, it's a Farrelly movie.

00:38:24.660 No, I have seen it. 1.00

00:38:25.680 Uh, fucking. 1.00

00:38:26.780 John Cena. 1.00

00:38:27.540 He's so fucking funny in that movie. 0.86

00:38:29.020 John Cena is now. 0.96

00:38:30.380 He's hilarious.

00:38:30.520 In my book, one of the funniest male actors.

00:38:33.380 I agree.

00:38:33.520 And I didn't see it coming.

00:38:34.680 He's also a professional, was he MMA or professional wrestler?

00:38:37.600 No, he's WWE.

00:38:38.480 He's huge.

00:38:39.080 Yeah.

00:38:39.360 Yeah.

00:38:39.700 Is that the guy that was naked on the Oscars they're talking about?

00:38:43.220 Yes.

00:38:43.240 And he was really funny in a movie with, uh, what's her name?

00:38:46.140 Tina Fey.

00:38:46.960 He was like some guy she was having sex with and he was, I can't remember the movie.

00:38:51.040 No, he's brilliant. 0.69

00:38:52.120 Yeah.

00:38:52.500 I didn't see that one.

00:38:53.460 I didn't.

00:38:53.840 Me either.

00:38:54.240 Yeah.

00:38:54.920 But they, they have some, they have talent, you know?

00:38:57.960 Absolutely.

00:38:58.480 I love wrestling.

00:38:59.060 I want to ask you about your writing process because I'm nosy on that one.

00:39:03.080 Yeah.

00:39:03.360 What do you do?

00:39:04.100 You're really, uh, uh, regimented and you do the same thing every day.

00:39:09.700 Yes.

00:39:09.900 Does it just come through?

00:39:11.100 Yep.

00:39:11.280 You don't just like sit there like me and go, I have to clean the house first and then

00:39:15.040 I'll get an idea.

00:39:16.240 It, that I do that with books, but with, with, uh, the show, I get up every morning, uh, have

00:39:23.160 two cups of coffee and write, um, it also, the phones help now because if you have an

00:39:29.080 idea, you hit the thing and you, and it, that say, it's like, I, I, if I come up, come

00:39:33.940 with an idea, I have something to put it down on before.

00:39:37.040 I don't know how many ideas I lost because of that.

00:39:39.640 Remember when you would lie back at night, you think you'd have the greatest idea ever

00:39:43.000 and then you didn't write it down.

00:39:44.480 It's gone.

00:39:45.880 Now I, now I got it.

00:39:47.400 But I, so I write, I used to write on the stair climber at Equinox.

00:39:50.820 I'd have a clipboard and I would just write like this and it would pat to pass the time

00:39:55.860 and I would write all my monologues like that.

00:39:58.380 Now I get up in the morning, I write all this stuff.

00:40:00.960 I put it together.

00:40:01.800 I I'll send an idea off to somebody who will put a body together.

00:40:06.000 Now I, now I have help on my monologues to write like the basics and then I just edit

00:40:10.320 for hours on end and write jokes and Joe Mackey and Joe DeVito, they write the jokes.

00:40:16.280 I, um, so the guy Dan writes stuff and we just, we have the tiniest staff and, um, and

00:40:22.660 then, uh, you're just, you just get up and it flows.

00:40:25.680 Yeah.

00:40:26.200 It just comes, it just flows because you don't have to do, cause you've got the muscle.

00:40:30.920 Well, yeah, it's been, I've been doing that every day as a, as a magazine writer.

00:40:35.780 I didn't have the, by the way, being a magazine writer is pretty lazy.

00:40:39.960 If you, I mean, like, what do you do?

00:40:41.500 Write two articles a month.

00:40:42.580 But back then I'd get up every morning and I'd write little bits for prevention, these

00:40:46.520 little health front, they were called health fronts, 121 words or, and I would have to

00:40:51.280 write, you know, and call a doctor.

00:40:53.560 Sometimes I have to call two doctors, interview them, transcribe, also transcribing help because

00:40:58.020 I could, I, I could listen and then write it.

00:41:01.160 And now I write every, like now, now when I just listen to anybody, I will write stuff.

00:41:05.560 You'll see me on the five, I'm scribbling away.

00:41:08.600 And I, you're always doing that.

00:41:10.120 Yeah.

00:41:10.360 And it's just like, it's something that like.

00:41:12.820 Somebody said that if, when you're writing or when you're thinking a thought, writing

00:41:18.240 it down, the more muscles that you use, the more likely you will like form it, create it. 0.99

00:41:24.640 And so I always write it down, even if it's stupid. 0.56

00:41:27.360 Sometimes I won't have an idea at all and I'll just start writing and it'll just somehow 0.96

00:41:32.660 come out.

00:41:33.640 Isn't that weird?

00:41:34.400 You know, that happens with me too.

00:41:35.700 Yeah.

00:41:36.020 It's just freaky.

00:41:36.940 And sometimes it'll be like, you're there for a really long time and then it just changes.

00:41:41.680 It just changes something, something that you can't describe, but it does feel good when

00:41:47.500 it comes out and you know, it's going to work.

00:41:49.560 Doesn't it?

00:41:50.100 Yeah.

00:41:50.240 And it's great when you have like a, let's say this much writing and then somehow you edit

00:41:55.080 it and something happens and you just lose half of it.

00:41:57.580 And it's like, bam, it's like the core.

00:41:59.780 Yeah, the core, the core. 1.00

00:42:01.800 And it's just like, fuck, it's like, it's like, damn, it's like this thing. 0.99

00:42:05.100 And no one else has done it. 0.99

00:42:07.020 Like no one else has found, like you can come up with a thought no one else came up with

00:42:10.380 and there's 7 billion people.

00:42:11.960 And you're like, it's like, that to me is such, that is like a real buzz.

00:42:16.700 And I get so hyped on it.

00:42:18.440 And then, then I get into a groove and then when I get to work, I'll edit nonstop because

00:42:24.800 editing to me is now more fun.

00:42:26.560 Like how do you get something smaller?

00:42:28.320 How do you get it?

00:42:28.980 Yeah.

00:42:29.140 It's so much.

00:42:29.840 It's like, it's gotta be, it's sculpting.

00:42:31.360 Concise, concise, concise.

00:42:32.400 Yeah.

00:42:32.740 And it's got, it's still, even if it's just a joke, it still has to have a beginning,

00:42:37.160 middle and punch. 0.84

00:42:38.340 Exactly.

00:42:38.900 It's got to go in a loop and then go left instead of right.

00:42:42.300 Yeah.

00:42:42.680 It's fun.

00:42:43.780 The worst thing, the worst thing is when I have a great joke and I fucked up the delivery

00:42:49.960 and I'm like, and I'm, when I do the show, I don't stop down and do it over again because

00:42:56.240 I just go, no, I just have to, I just have to live with it.

00:43:00.600 And you know, that's it.

00:43:02.180 And, and maybe people won't notice most people don't, but I did. 0.76

00:43:06.440 And I feel like, like a word, I fucked up a word that will drive me crazy. 0.59

00:43:11.800 Yeah. 0.81

00:43:11.900 You have to bring it back in a couple of nights.

00:43:14.080 Exactly. 0.99

00:43:15.060 We used to say, me and Lori Metcalf would say, when we do that, we'd go, uh, Christ fucked 0.96

00:43:21.080 up a line. 0.99

00:43:21.700 Cause there's such gold, but we'd say it's kind of like a bunch of crap just dribbles out 0.99

00:43:27.340 of your mouth, onto your, then you're just down and you're going like, should I 0.99

00:43:32.160 make a funny face?

00:43:33.720 Yeah.

00:43:34.320 But then you're like, no, I'm just going to have to sit here with this.

00:43:38.260 Yes.

00:43:39.800 It's horrible.

00:43:40.640 Especially when it's like falling over a word because the timing matters so much.

00:43:45.880 And it's, do you always know what's going to work?

00:43:48.800 I get mad.

00:43:50.500 I get like, I will scold the audience if it doesn't work.

00:43:53.700 There was a great joke.

00:43:55.980 So there was a, there was an athlete, there was a, a trans male athlete.

00:43:59.920 This was a, was a news story who was showering and dressing with the girls and a girl was

00:44:06.540 there and he was caught staring at her breasts.

00:44:10.120 This was a news story.

00:44:11.300 And the joke, I'm trying to remember it.

00:44:14.500 The joke goes in his defense.

00:44:16.240 He said that he was staring at her breasts. 0.99

00:44:19.020 So he would lose his boner. 0.96

00:44:28.080 I know, but it was like, it kind of just went, it just laid there.

00:44:32.440 And it's like, I was like, oh, and you, and I'm yelling at the audience and I think it's,

00:44:36.120 it's on the show.

00:44:37.020 I'm going, you guys, that was the best joke.

00:44:40.300 And it was a joke.

00:44:41.740 Like, it was a joke that was like workshop between me and, uh, I think it was Joe Mackey.

00:44:48.040 And I don't even remember how it just like, and then it, and then it, and then it was

00:44:51.880 like to lose the boner was like, that is just really, it is.

00:44:55.660 It takes a good snake laugh.

00:44:59.080 I like that.

00:45:00.740 I thought I tried this for years and it never did work.

00:45:05.380 I shouldn't have said it that way.

00:45:07.020 I shouldn't have said that first, but I thought that this was so funny and it never did work.

00:45:13.300 Oh, now I said, but, uh, it just cracks me up still.

00:45:18.120 I'll see what you all think is funny.

00:45:19.720 Cause I already told you, but anyway, I go, I, you know, that thing where they go, I complained

00:45:25.380 because I had no shoes.

00:45:27.980 You know how?

00:45:28.780 Yeah.

00:45:28.980 Yeah.

00:45:29.220 Yeah.

00:45:29.420 Okay.

00:45:29.860 So mine was, I complained because I had no shoes, but then I met a woman who had no waist. 1.00

00:45:38.340 I don't know why this.

00:45:39.620 I don't know the premise though.

00:45:43.580 Just because I was always obsessed with having no waist, I guess.

00:45:48.260 I don't know.

00:45:49.280 It's just crazy.

00:45:50.140 I thought it was good.

00:45:51.720 That's a, that's in like Stephen Wright territory.

00:45:56.900 Yeah.

00:45:57.280 Oh my God.

00:45:57.860 Where is he?

00:45:58.640 I think he's, I think I saw him on something.

00:46:01.580 He might even have a, uh, a special.

00:46:04.400 He needs to come back.

00:46:05.340 Yeah.

00:46:05.620 He was amazing.

00:46:06.900 He was fiercely crazy. 0.57

00:46:07.620 Oh God. 0.56

00:46:08.200 He was great.

00:46:08.700 He was, he wrote like the perfect, just joke.

00:46:11.260 Also, you, you, you, the best, I think the best was a Norm MacDonald.

00:46:15.580 Oh, Norm.

00:46:16.440 I mean, yeah.

00:46:17.320 So nobody's ever going to be that funny again.

00:46:20.340 No.

00:46:20.360 And he was one of us.

00:46:21.960 He was a right.

00:46:22.540 I mean, he was not a liberal and it was, I I'll never get when he, he complimented

00:46:29.060 me on Twitter.

00:46:29.660 And I thought, I thought I was going to pass out because he, and then I, I took a, I went

00:46:35.420 to see him at the Paramount theater in New York and I'm getting on a, on a train with

00:46:40.020 my buddy and he's on the same train.

00:46:42.500 He goes, get over here, come over here.

00:46:43.880 And we just sat and we hung out the entire night.

00:46:46.340 I went backstage with him and just sat in the green room.

00:46:48.980 And then we hung out the night after and just, and then we took the train back together

00:46:54.240 and he got yelled at by the, um, the conductor and other people because he was so loud because

00:47:00.260 he gambles on his phone.

00:47:01.700 Right.

00:47:02.300 And he was like watching these games and just like intense screaming and like, people are

00:47:08.580 like complaining and they told him to shut up.

00:47:11.320 God, I miss him.

00:47:12.220 He had the best.

00:47:13.500 I still watch all, I still watch everything I can of him.

00:47:16.940 His podcast.

00:47:17.360 There was nobody.

00:47:18.320 I don't.

00:47:18.820 Oh my God.

00:47:19.540 Some of them were so dry and brutal.

00:47:22.560 Um, when he was on SNL and doing the news though, there was nothing, there was nothing

00:47:28.480 and they hated it so bad.

00:47:30.620 He got fired for OJ jokes and Hillary jokes.

00:47:33.160 But those jokes.

00:47:35.160 Yes.

00:47:35.980 When he did the view and they were just, they did not know.

00:47:39.320 Yeah.

00:47:39.520 They didn't know what to do with them.

00:47:41.040 That's the best.

00:47:41.620 When he's like, I thought everyone knew that she murdered that guy.

00:47:44.060 Yeah.

00:47:44.560 Yeah.

00:47:44.800 That's the greatest thing I've ever seen.

00:47:46.820 Yes.

00:47:47.760 Or Norm.

00:47:47.960 Vince Foster.

00:47:49.220 Oh yeah. 0.80

00:47:49.740 I don't want to murder her in the White House.

00:47:52.960 He was very honest.

00:47:54.500 He was great to you too.

00:47:55.760 In everything.

00:47:56.120 He was a great friend.

00:47:57.340 After the.

00:47:57.620 He was sick.

00:47:58.020 I had no idea he was sick.

00:47:59.960 He didn't tell anybody.

00:48:01.420 I guess he told a few.

00:48:02.860 Yeah.

00:48:03.460 No, it was like, I remember.

00:48:04.680 I was mad at him because I go, I left a message.

00:48:08.160 Norm, because I was, I was calling him going, is this funny?

00:48:12.220 I do those calls to my friends and then they don't take my calls anymore after a certain number.

00:48:17.320 They get tired of me.

00:48:18.460 But I thought he had gone into that friend zone or whatever it is where they won't listen to your jokes.

00:48:23.920 So I'm like, Norm, you're not going to turn into the guy that doesn't call me back because I bother you too much, are you?

00:48:31.760 And then he was dead.

00:48:32.720 I didn't even know he was sick. 1.00

00:48:35.440 I was like, that son of a bitch doesn't even call me back. 1.00

00:48:39.060 Yeah. 1.00

00:48:39.600 I guess he just like, he was a, well, he's a, was a really private person.

00:48:44.940 Didn't want anybody to know.

00:48:46.800 He didn't look great when, when on that, on that trip.

00:48:52.260 But I just thought maybe I'd never, I've never seen him before.

00:48:55.620 So I just thought, oh, he just looks this way, but he didn't look healthy, but I didn't have a, I didn't have a clue.

00:49:01.220 And it was, yeah, that he's the only person who, when they died, I had to text so many people because we were all like, something was stolen.

00:49:10.100 Like it was, yeah, something was stolen from you and it's not fair.

00:49:14.640 You know, it's like, somebody else.

00:49:18.180 Because it was so unexpected.

00:49:19.700 Yeah.

00:49:20.020 And he was just, he had the best, he had the best Trump joke ever.

00:49:24.540 He goes, he said, I hope I do it right.

00:49:27.720 He goes, uh, uh, people hated Hillary so bad. 1.00

00:49:32.460 Did you hear this joke?

00:49:33.560 I think so.

00:49:34.400 But people hated Hillary so bad that they voted for a guy they hated even worse. 0.98

00:49:41.320 Just to piss her off.

00:49:46.720 A hundred percent true.

00:49:48.260 It's a hundred percent true.

00:49:50.460 What do you, what do you think's the big thing that you should tackle next?

00:49:55.160 Because I mean, if I was sitting up here and I was king of the hill late night and I knew that everything sucked and that it's just getting worse and I have to do something to help my country and the people in it.

00:50:06.800 This lawfare.

00:50:07.860 Oh yeah, exactly.

00:50:08.680 This lawfare.

00:50:09.400 It's like, it's, it is incredible.

00:50:12.300 It's, I'm actually more angry at the media because of, because the media is supposed to be like, you should be going after these alphabet institutions, CIA, FBI.

00:50:23.740 The lie.

00:50:24.300 Yeah.

00:50:24.680 The lie.

00:50:25.060 It's like, like what happened to all the president's men and all of those movies of the 70s where the journalists were fearless and now it's actually happening and they're part of it.

00:50:35.140 They're part of it.

00:50:36.280 It's like, wait, you do realize that they're trying to put him in jail to win an election and then they're even, like Biden, the Biden Harris camp posted on X.

00:50:46.840 Like they were boasting about how much money they raised and how much money he has to pay for lawyers.

00:50:51.760 They're not even hiding what they're doing.

00:50:54.200 You know, it's, it's like.

00:50:56.580 And they like it.

00:50:57.600 They like it.

00:50:58.480 Going on X and I about tear what's left of my horrible hairdo out.

00:51:03.160 I had a drive by hair accident.

00:51:05.320 It's tragic.

00:51:06.660 But, um, I go on there and I just, it makes me get like an ulcer because they're proud of how they are destroying our country, our laws.

00:51:17.640 They're proud that they're involved in corrupt law against people.

00:51:22.520 Yeah. 0.99

00:51:22.780 That they're ruining people's lives for no fucking reason. 0.99

00:51:25.860 They love it. 0.99

00:51:26.680 Yeah.

00:51:26.900 And hush money, I'm pretty sure is not illegal.

00:51:29.720 Like paying somebody not to say something.

00:51:32.460 I don't think that's against the law.

00:51:34.400 And, and, and I don't think anybody ever wrote like this is for hush money on anything.

00:51:39.320 So it's been done over and over again.

00:51:41.560 But I don't think there's a law.

00:51:43.140 Like you're under arrest for paying this person.

00:51:45.320 That's a good point.

00:51:46.240 I don't not to tell like, Hey, don't tell my wife.

00:51:49.700 I'd slept with this Eskimo. 0.99

00:51:51.620 It's that that's here's that thousand dollars.

00:51:53.820 That's not against the law.

00:51:55.460 That's not against the law.

00:51:56.820 So is it to me and I know they're going to, well, I use campaign funds or maybe use that's

00:52:01.460 still not against the law, but, um, it's, it, it, it is.

00:52:06.740 And also like, I look what they excuse.

00:52:09.180 Yes.

00:52:09.620 Well, that I was going to say, like, you look at, okay.

00:52:12.300 January 6th, they went too far, but compare that to how the people that aren't in jail after

00:52:17.440 the riots and the looting and what we're seeing in New York city, like there are grandmothers 0.64

00:52:22.120 in jail because they prayed it in the Capitol.

00:52:25.980 And, and there are people that are nine, 10, 12 times arrested, let out, eaten up chicks.

00:52:31.140 And, you know, it's like, they're, it's so clear that they are targeting, they're hunting

00:52:36.260 people.

00:52:37.000 They're hunting.

00:52:37.760 If you're a Republican, if you're, if you're, if you're not a liberal, you are being hunted, 1.00

00:52:43.520 whether you're in the media or entertainment, or you're just somebody in a fucking trailer 0.98

00:52:48.400 park, they were, they, CNN would say, well, they hate Trump voters, but now I think they're 0.98

00:52:53.240 going to go all in on the RFK voters too.

00:52:55.920 Yes.

00:52:56.220 Absolutely.

00:52:56.560 They're going to do both of it.

00:52:57.600 You know, it's like, well, we're bringing in these people to replace you.

00:53:01.260 We're going to put y'all in camps.

00:53:02.900 Yeah.

00:53:03.200 We're bringing these people because they'll vote for us because we have to stay because

00:53:06.660 we're not going to jail.

00:53:07.840 Yeah.

00:53:08.420 Yeah. 0.99

00:53:08.560 We hate Americans. 1.00

00:53:10.460 We hate Americans. 0.97

00:53:11.780 None of them are going to vote for us anymore. 0.94

00:53:13.740 Yeah. 0.99

00:53:13.960 So we have to let all the criminals and bring in crazy people from other countries. 1.00

00:53:18.400 I saw, we, we did this on the five, we showed Biden speaking to Univision and it was about

00:53:26.480 what he was saying, but I couldn't help.

00:53:28.460 He looked dead.

00:53:30.440 I mean, this is the worst he's ever looked.

00:53:32.120 So I'm thinking, okay, so he's sitting there, he's doing this big interview.

00:53:35.340 He must have some makeup on.

00:53:37.000 He looked like he's what, 81 or 80, something like that guy.

00:53:40.960 He looks like a bad 80.

00:53:43.280 Like, like, like, it's not good.

00:53:45.420 No, it's not good.

00:53:46.780 And he was like, sorry.

00:53:48.400 And I'm going to, okay, even if I love this guy, let's say I was pro Biden, I would be

00:53:53.600 like, you can't do this.

00:53:55.200 You can't do this.

00:53:56.480 Someone needs to let him.

00:53:57.160 Yeah.

00:53:57.400 Yeah.

00:53:57.540 You got to stop this.

00:53:58.480 This is just, this is bad for him and bad for the country.

00:54:01.740 Even if I believed in him, which I don't, all of it, everything he's doing is on the

00:54:06.500 orders of somebody else.

00:54:07.940 I came up with this line on the five yesterday where I said, just because they say they're

00:54:12.300 against it doesn't mean they're behind it.

00:54:14.140 You know, like, crime, immigration, nobody, nobody is going to say they're for squatting,

00:54:20.940 but some, but they're behind it.

00:54:23.580 Yeah.

00:54:23.860 They're not going to say, I like, I'm not, I'm not for an open border, but you're behind

00:54:27.900 it.

00:54:28.280 And it's to keep us occupied.

00:54:30.640 So we can't do anything else.

00:54:32.940 We got to keep, we got to hate each other.

00:54:35.240 We got to be in this mental chaos.

00:54:37.260 So we can't do anything.

00:54:39.400 And that's, and that it, by the way, lawfare is that way.

00:54:41.820 Keep this guy occupied.

00:54:43.640 Right.

00:54:44.060 Keep him busy.

00:54:45.100 Break them down.

00:54:46.200 Yeah.

00:54:46.400 Take off, make them put all their money toward their defense. 0.63

00:54:49.280 Yep.

00:54:49.560 And they have to be in the, uh, talking to lawyers nine hours every single day.

00:54:53.540 Yeah.

00:54:53.740 Right now there's a silent epidemic that's, uh, uh, hurting hundreds of millions of Americans

00:55:00.820 that nobody talks about.

00:55:01.660 And that is fatty liver.

00:55:03.160 Just want to reiterate that fatty liver affects your sleep.

00:55:06.480 It affects your life.

00:55:07.600 It gets, I probably have a fatty liver.

00:55:09.940 I probably do.

00:55:11.920 I think your liver needs to have its stomach stapled.

00:55:15.640 So, uh, why don't you take a, a swig of that alcohol while we talk about fatty liver?

00:55:24.900 Cause I shall, I think you're the best spokesman for those liver health products.

00:55:32.760 Well, you know, it's very important to start protecting your liver today.

00:55:37.440 Yes.

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00:55:47.860 and protect your liver.

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00:56:00.400 You can try liver health formula and receive a free bottle of nano powered omega-3 to keep

00:56:06.820 your heart healthy.

00:56:07.760 Try liver health formula by going to get liver health.com forward slash RB and claim your

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00:56:17.660 Remember your liver is responsible for 500 key functions.

00:56:22.960 So it's time to give it a boost in performance.

00:56:26.260 Go to live, go to get liver health.com forward slash RB.

00:56:32.060 All right, Ma, you getting ready to hit your Diet Smoke gummies?

00:56:39.000 Yeah.

00:56:39.960 They were so good.

00:56:41.140 They sent me their new favorite flavor, 420 Reserve Indica, which is good.

00:56:48.820 Indica.

00:56:49.260 I always mix them up cause there's two kinds.

00:56:52.460 There's sativa and indica.

00:56:54.460 Right.

00:56:54.860 And I can never remember which it is, but somebody told me to go indica is in the couch.

00:57:00.880 In the couch.

00:57:01.680 You need to relax.

00:57:03.340 I think this is my favorite and it's watermelon flavored.

00:57:07.460 And I have been feeling badly cause we got the flu, right?

00:57:11.820 Jake.

00:57:12.340 Yeah.

00:57:12.660 We came home from our travels.

00:57:14.500 So as soon as I'm done with doing these ads, I'm eating my watermelon, 420 Indica.

00:57:22.320 Dang.

00:57:22.860 I'm going to go off on a lovely little nap.

00:57:26.120 Well, this is your last ad.

00:57:27.620 So you better nail it before it kicks in.

00:57:31.020 So I just want to say Diet Smoke, they've been supporting us since the beginning.

00:57:35.040 What I love about them, there's a lot of weed companies out there, but what Diet Smoke

00:57:39.620 does specifically is they have a sommelier that tailors.

00:57:42.940 A sommelier, just like they got over there at a Starbucks or a winery, right?

00:57:48.200 They help you with your buzz.

00:57:50.120 Here's the good part though.

00:57:52.120 Exclusively for the Roseanne Bar Show listeners, Diet Smoke has this special 420 offer.

00:57:57.960 Go to dietsmoke.com and use code RB420 at the checkout and you will receive four free gifts

00:58:05.480 and 20% off your entire order.

00:58:08.660 Wow.

00:58:08.760 You see what I did there?

00:58:10.180 Yeah.

00:58:10.820 See what I did there?

00:58:11.680 I'll repeat, use code RB420 at the checkout and you'll receive four free gifts and 20%

00:58:22.520 off your entire order.

00:58:24.260 See, four plus 2420, you know, 420.

00:58:28.600 Good.

00:58:29.560 It's kicking in, I can tell.

00:58:33.120 Diet Smoke has sold over 10 million gummies.

00:58:37.060 Did you know that?

00:58:37.720 And I think we're responsible for at least 8 million of those.

00:58:41.000 So I'd happen to be-

00:58:41.760 That I ate myself, you mean?

00:58:43.560 Yeah.

00:58:44.360 No, I was going to say you pushed the product and people that listen to this show, they love

00:58:48.640 to hit the Diet Smoke gummies and then listen to you and I just blabber for an hour.

00:58:52.160 It's the best.

00:58:52.980 I see it in the comments all the time.

00:58:54.600 So, Diet Smoke.

00:58:55.080 Well, get on the Indica if you need a nap or you're not feeling up and you need like, you

00:59:00.140 know, to rest so you can, you know, your body can heal.

00:59:04.260 Use the sativa for when you're on the go and you want to like write or, you know, get 1.00

00:59:11.520 on X and tell everybody to kiss your ass. 1.00

00:59:14.420 You know what I mean? 1.00

00:59:15.880 Well said.

00:59:16.920 All right.

00:59:17.420 Thank you.

00:59:17.940 Do you think that, I sometimes wonder if that helps Trump because it takes up the time 0.98

00:59:24.640 that he would have spent, you know, saying shit he could get in. 0.97

00:59:28.200 Like, it's like, you know what? 0.99

00:59:29.160 It's like, maybe this is like a hobby.

00:59:31.320 It's like, you know, he only has a few hours to beat Trump.

00:59:34.880 Right.

00:59:35.060 So maybe this might like-

00:59:36.300 That's a good point.

00:59:37.420 Localize a lot of the Trump impact.

00:59:40.220 And the less you see of him, the more people on the fence like him.

00:59:44.680 Yeah.

00:59:44.840 Because they see Biden and they're going like, who is this guy?

00:59:48.960 This is not our president.

00:59:50.840 Well, I think that Trump's doing that to them.

00:59:53.680 Keeping them busy.

00:59:54.920 Oh yeah, you're right.

00:59:56.140 Yeah, that's true too.

00:59:57.240 And they are like slowly untangling and unmasking themselves because what I love the best is,

01:00:03.700 and it just came up if you really looked at it hard, was that they all used Rico to accuse

01:00:09.580 him of Rico.

01:00:10.380 Going to the White House, talking to Kamala, Bonnie, Wilson.

01:00:14.260 So that's Rico.

01:00:15.680 The whole thing, all the judges, all complete Rico to make up a charge of Rico. 1.00

01:00:20.540 And it's, of course, going to bite him in the ass. 0.99

01:00:22.620 Yeah, and it is amazing that like even something as simple as, you know, everybody knows Joe 1.00

01:00:29.220 Biden was the big guy.

01:00:31.240 And I keep, and they keep-

01:00:32.900 And then they say he's too old, they're not going to do, he's too old to be-

01:00:36.280 Yes.

01:00:37.040 To be punished.

01:00:37.960 Yeah.

01:00:38.100 He's going to run for president.

01:00:38.940 Yeah.

01:00:39.220 Yeah. 1.00

01:00:39.460 That means I'm going to wait until I'm his age and kill people. 1.00

01:00:42.600 Yeah. 1.00

01:00:42.780 You know, if that's the rule-

01:00:44.900 That's the time to do it.

01:00:45.860 But the horror of it is that there's just no laws of our entire republic are being respected.

01:00:55.640 They're doing whatever the hell they want.

01:00:57.620 Yeah.

01:00:58.100 Yeah.

01:00:58.280 Lawfare is that.

01:00:59.640 It's just pure Marxism.

01:01:00.960 Yeah.

01:01:01.200 It's making a joke of everything.

01:01:03.120 You know, the thing is, I've come around, like, I, I, when, I didn't really see the Marxism

01:01:10.660 underneath all this, but now it is so obvious that it's like, this is how Marxism morphs.

01:01:17.220 Yes.

01:01:17.620 It didn't work in, it didn't work in the class, in the, in the, in class warfare.

01:01:22.580 So they turned it into race and identity warfare.

01:01:25.020 Yeah, exactly.

01:01:25.380 That's how they do it.

01:01:25.880 You know, and it, and it just keeps morphing and it, and it's all the same, it's the same

01:01:30.000 people.

01:01:30.920 It's all the same people.

01:01:32.360 It's the same people.

01:01:32.660 And then they use the blackmail to get their way in. 0.94

01:01:35.640 Cause I just heard a guy say that that's how Kamala got vice because she got all the black 1.00

01:01:41.440 celebrities to get ahold of Biden and say, you need a black woman to be vice president. 1.00

01:01:46.620 Well, they, they needed to counter the fact that he was like, yeah, yeah. 0.98

01:01:51.520 Racist. 0.59

01:01:52.220 Yes.

01:01:52.700 I mean, my God, he, it, things he said on tape, you know, remember all she said.

01:02:00.320 Oh, I was that little girl on the bus.

01:02:02.740 Not.

01:02:03.480 Yeah.

01:02:04.060 Yeah.

01:02:04.380 No, no, you weren't.

01:02:05.440 No.

01:02:06.540 She had, you were that woman on her knees. 1.00

01:02:09.680 Oh my God. 0.97

01:02:11.580 It's disgusting.

01:02:12.860 Do you think that I worked as hard as I did to, me and tons of women to see that become 0.88

01:02:21.280 vice president, a woman who blew her way to the middle? 1.00

01:02:25.060 Are you shitting me? 0.99

01:02:26.880 I'm feeling like Tucker when it goes like this. 0.99

01:02:29.300 He does.

01:02:30.800 You know, I realized Tucker does the laugh when he doesn't want to comment.

01:02:34.180 He goes, Oh, it's a cringe laugh.

01:02:37.280 I saw him.

01:02:38.880 It's a great, I remember like the one thing that pissed me off too.

01:02:42.660 I love Theo Vaughn.

01:02:44.040 I love him. 1.00

01:02:44.880 That fucking interview where they tried to string you and him up was insane. 1.00

01:02:50.360 They didn't get what you were talking about. 0.99

01:02:52.680 And he got, and I could tell that he wasn't used to that being in that situation afterward. 0.99

01:02:57.480 And it was just such garbage. 0.96

01:03:00.040 He was really upset. 0.99

01:03:01.000 By the way, aren't you, aren't you, I shouldn't do, no, I'm not going to talk about it.

01:03:04.140 I was going to bring up Geraldo.

01:03:05.900 I was going to, I've been building for this.

01:03:08.980 No, that's what we said we were going to do at the end.

01:03:11.820 How much time?

01:03:12.820 Because we're, I know we're on a time.

01:03:14.160 We have him for like 10 more minutes.

01:03:15.240 No, I said at the end we got to talk about Geraldo.

01:03:17.820 Can we?

01:03:18.000 Yeah, I'll talk.

01:03:19.820 Now there's some things like I probably can't talk about, but ask, ask me. 0.99

01:03:25.540 Yeah, I don't give a shit. 0.98

01:03:26.380 Look, the guy, the guy did some nasty stuff to me that I, you know, I can't talk about, 0.99

01:03:31.860 but he did because it'll just kick up stuff.

01:03:35.880 But let's talk about how crazy the guy is and how crazy he was at the end when he was 1.00

01:03:42.440 on Fox when he was like just talking out of his ass every day. 0.99

01:03:46.660 My favorite was the EV Bentley. 0.99

01:03:49.240 Do you, we were talking, he was talking about climate change and like, and if you wanted

01:03:54.720 an example, if you wanted an example of how elitists, snobs treat the rest of us and how

01:04:02.020 they use climate change as a weapon against us, he goes, you know, we have to understand

01:04:06.840 that, you know, our planet is, you know, is in trouble.

01:04:09.680 Well, I mean, and I'm doing, I tried to get, you know, I tried to get an EV Bentley, but

01:04:14.000 they had, it wasn't out yet.

01:04:15.620 So I had to, I had to get the regular Bentley and I've lost it.

01:04:19.760 I started screaming on the show, EV Bentley.

01:04:23.180 Oh, you, EV Bentley.

01:04:25.620 And that was just like, I had it.

01:04:27.940 I was like, I can't.

01:04:29.060 And it was so, by the way, that was good television because it was so comical.

01:04:32.500 Yeah.

01:04:32.780 It was like, he actually said that he wasn't joking.

01:04:36.760 No.

01:04:37.200 Yeah.

01:04:37.400 He's, um, he's out there as pure Democrat all the way.

01:04:41.400 Yeah.

01:04:41.580 Yeah.

01:04:41.780 But he does that thing.

01:04:43.700 He does that thing where like, you know, I love president Trump like a brother, but, 0.78

01:04:47.220 and then he, then he stabs him. 0.70

01:04:49.120 Yeah.

01:04:49.280 When my mom was on your show last year here, he was doing, you were doing the fire.

01:04:52.900 We were watching and you were saying, Oh, Roseanne's going to be on tonight.

01:04:55.960 And he's like, yeah.

01:04:56.820 The fact that she called.

01:04:58.440 Yes. 0.98

01:04:58.940 Valerie Jarrett a monkey. 0.99

01:04:59.940 And he said on the Fox news, I remember I talked to you backstage. 0.99

01:05:02.580 I was like, what the fuck is wrong with this guy? 0.99

01:05:04.560 Yeah. 1.00

01:05:04.720 He's lying on Fox news.

01:05:06.480 Yeah.

01:05:06.880 This is a safe space.

01:05:07.820 Yeah.

01:05:08.060 He just is in his box that he can't get out of.

01:05:10.260 Who is he trying to, who is blackmailing him?

01:05:12.380 He's in a vault.

01:05:13.580 Yeah.

01:05:13.880 He's empty.

01:05:14.580 With nothing in it.

01:05:16.120 And there's nothing in that vault.

01:05:17.780 But you know how many of them there are.

01:05:20.460 Yeah.

01:05:20.560 Like, I think that all, I think that all, I think like the other late night hosts are in that

01:05:26.740 same vault.

01:05:27.480 Oh, no, they are.

01:05:27.960 I don't even, but is it a fear vault or is it just a lack of creativity vault?

01:05:32.120 Can I tell you, can I make a very sexist comment?

01:05:34.140 Of course.

01:05:34.920 A lot of them, it's because of wives. 1.00

01:05:37.960 I say so too.

01:05:39.860 Yes. 0.97

01:05:40.380 They're all witches. 0.97

01:05:41.420 Look what happened to Howard Stern. 1.00

01:05:42.360 They're lesbian witches. 1.00

01:05:42.860 Look what happened to Howard Stern. 0.99

01:05:43.880 Yeah.

01:05:44.240 He was a different person.

01:05:46.280 And now he's like so timid. 1.00

01:05:48.500 Disgusting. 0.99

01:05:48.960 Look at Kimmel. 1.00

01:05:50.200 He wore, you know, blackface. 0.84

01:05:51.680 And now he's acting like he's like, whatever.

01:05:54.840 Oh, I, I, I think that like people, the men.

01:05:59.180 They're under witchcraft. 1.00

01:06:00.260 Their wives are under the sway of lesbian publicist witches. 1.00

01:06:06.340 That's who runs Hollywood. 1.00

01:06:07.840 I'm doing the.

01:06:08.620 I'm doing the.

01:06:09.400 I'm doing the.

01:06:09.840 I'm doing the.

01:06:10.100 And all the feminists listen to all of the married feminists. 1.00

01:06:16.120 If they don't have a lesbian, which as the person who's dressing them or doing their publicity, 1.00

01:06:22.060 they're lost.

01:06:23.140 I'm going to take your word for it just to be safe.

01:06:25.260 But I will.

01:06:27.440 I have to say that, like it.

01:06:30.260 It's like I notice how my.

01:06:34.420 I, a lot of my friends change and it's, and it's like, they can't say that they like Trump.

01:06:40.580 Right.

01:06:40.820 No, they're scared shitless.

01:06:42.060 Yeah, they're scared.

01:06:42.800 Well, look what happened to me.

01:06:43.900 Yeah.

01:06:44.060 I dared say it.

01:06:45.380 Yeah.

01:06:45.640 And, you know, I really thought people in my real life when I was in Hawaii, you know,

01:06:52.140 that's a pretty communist state.

01:06:54.160 Hawaii is pure commie.

01:06:56.060 And I would say I was for Trump and the people were like, oh, that's okay.

01:07:00.340 It's okay.

01:07:01.100 They didn't care.

01:07:02.340 I would.

01:07:02.980 But in Hollywood, they were choking on their gizzards. 0.87

01:07:08.080 They, it's, it's, they, they fear for their careers.

01:07:11.240 And I, I, without the, the lesbian aspect of it, the world is run by publicists. 0.99

01:07:17.720 Right. 0.95

01:07:18.200 And they, and they're all lesbians. 1.00

01:07:19.920 I don't know why you don't know that.

01:07:21.380 I don't know.

01:07:21.800 Well, I haven't had a publicist in ages.

01:07:23.920 That's why you don't know.

01:07:24.900 Yeah.

01:07:25.260 Yeah. 0.82

01:07:25.740 But they, they, um, I always found that they're miserable and they're essentially unhappy

01:07:32.160 and lonely and a lot of this status is driven by, um, uh, transferring their maternal instinct

01:07:39.100 to issues.

01:07:40.420 Yeah.

01:07:40.680 So it's like, you know, it's like the joke is the cliche is like, oh, they have cats

01:07:45.820 and they live alone.

01:07:46.560 The cats now are the, are the policies and the positions they take.

01:07:51.220 So they're easily led into the trendiest cause cause cause that's their new cat.

01:07:57.120 That's their new, their, the new cat that they feed.

01:07:59.820 So they have five cats, you know, and there are all these different issues.

01:08:03.100 And so that is their, it's, it's, it's, I, I think it's a shifting of, there's an, there,

01:08:09.260 everybody has instincts and, uh, it's not even a set of women, whether they like it or not 1.00

01:08:14.540 have a maternal instinct.

01:08:15.820 Right.

01:08:16.300 And somehow it's been hijacked and you know, and you know what it is though, in my opinion, 0.60

01:08:23.220 they're all protecting a pedophile.

01:08:26.720 That's what they're doing with their maternal instincts is they're like, I'm protecting a 0.93

01:08:31.140 pedophile, uh, producer that pays me.

01:08:34.600 Oh yeah. 0.95

01:08:34.760 In Hollywood.

01:08:35.400 Yeah.

01:08:35.580 That's the pecking order.

01:08:37.180 Yeah.

01:08:37.640 And the, the lesbian publicist is like their number one thing is to point out women who,

01:08:44.900 um, oppose that.

01:08:46.680 Right, right, right.

01:08:47.860 Again, not my area, but no, I'm, I'm, I'm building my moat, but you know what's, but you

01:08:53.440 know what's interesting about, um, let's, uh, the, um, the, when you go on TikTok and you

01:08:59.180 see these trans women, i.e. men in drag, they're always throwing a tantrum. 1.00

01:09:04.680 Yeah.

01:09:05.140 What affects the maternal instinct?

01:09:07.900 Tantrums.

01:09:08.380 You're right.

01:09:08.980 That's true.

01:09:09.340 Wow.

01:09:09.520 So it's like, why, like, what, why are all of these women white knighting? 0.99

01:09:14.080 Yeah, it's totally white knighting.

01:09:15.900 Yes. 1.00

01:09:16.280 It's the, uh, white savior horseshit. 1.00

01:09:18.540 Yes. 1.00

01:09:19.100 Yeah.

01:09:19.500 And it's, and it's like, like there were like, I think it was, um, uh, Riley Gaines saying

01:09:26.340 that when they told her that they were going to have a male in the, in, on the team, they

01:09:32.860 were all against it and they voted against it.

01:09:35.200 And then they had the male swimmer come in and he said that if he wasn't allowed to swim,

01:09:39.560 he would kill himself.

01:09:40.580 And so what does that do to your maternal instinct?

01:09:43.200 Yeah.

01:09:43.360 That's true.

01:09:43.820 You just go, well, nobody wants, nobody wants, without even the maternal instinct, you don't

01:09:48.140 want that guilt, blood on your hands, but it was a, it was a.

01:09:51.980 They know how to manipulate women. 1.00

01:09:53.900 Emotional leverage. 1.00

01:09:54.920 They're like, you will let this penis swing in your face or someone's going to get hurt. 0.99

01:09:59.660 Do you remember the story, there were stories about on dating apps, women, female dating 0.99

01:10:05.320 apps that if a trans woman, if you didn't date a trans woman who had a penis on a, on 0.94

01:10:11.980 a, on a lady's app, you were transphobic. 0.99

01:10:16.220 Oh yeah.

01:10:16.860 And so it's like, I, like a woman, a lesbian who's on a women's dating app has to date a 1.00

01:10:22.000 woman with a penis. 1.00

01:10:22.720 And she's like, well, this is, this is not why I came here. 1.00

01:10:26.180 Yeah.

01:10:26.580 She's like, no, I'm a lesbian.

01:10:28.540 I don't like that.

01:10:30.600 But it's like, you will like it.

01:10:32.420 You will.

01:10:33.480 They're just, they are throwing tantrums.

01:10:35.640 It is that.

01:10:36.340 Yeah.

01:10:36.520 And you know what?

01:10:37.220 It's because the adults have left the room.

01:10:39.340 We forgot how to deal with tantrums.

01:10:41.880 And because I guess we weren't used to adults throwing tantrums, but a lot of this guy in

01:10:46.440 Ophelia, a lot of these guys dressing up as young girls, it's all part of this.

01:10:51.740 Like that.

01:10:52.100 What's his name?

01:10:52.980 The Bud Light guy.

01:10:54.080 Yeah.

01:10:54.340 Dylan Mulvaney loved to dress up like an eight year old girl.

01:10:57.460 Nobody.

01:10:57.980 And nobody's saying anything about what him doing a little girl.

01:11:02.280 Yeah.

01:11:02.580 I have.

01:11:03.020 What a world.

01:11:03.760 I know.

01:11:05.000 Well, should we end on that?

01:11:06.400 Yes, we should.

01:11:07.520 Yeah.

01:11:07.700 We got Geraldo. 0.99

01:11:08.460 We got lesbians. 1.00

01:11:09.340 We got trans. 0.96

01:11:10.340 We think we did it all.

01:11:11.080 And I'm going to see you tomorrow.

01:11:13.140 Yeah.

01:11:13.360 We have three minutes.

01:11:14.720 So wrap it up.

01:11:15.440 Yeah.

01:11:15.580 Yeah.

01:11:15.880 I got to sign.

01:11:16.460 Let me sign that.

01:11:18.140 Greg, absolute pleasure.

01:11:19.120 Thank you so much for coming.

01:11:20.820 It was wonderful.

01:11:22.420 I know.

01:11:22.720 I'm trying to get my outfit and my hair is horrible.

01:11:25.600 So I have to do something.

01:11:26.400 They can do your hair. 0.96

01:11:28.440 Everyone does that.

01:11:29.380 They can do your hair and makeup there too.

01:11:30.800 I have to ask you that.

01:11:31.740 Do you want to do it there?

01:11:32.480 Or do you want to go in like 90% and get that?

01:11:34.140 And I felt you wrong.

01:11:35.260 That's how nervous I am.

01:11:36.320 That's all right, baby.

01:11:37.440 Look at this.

01:11:38.060 Look at this. 0.99

01:11:38.780 This is like I'm mentally ill.

01:11:40.260 Oh, I love it.

01:11:41.320 Look at that.

01:11:42.680 That's what I do.

01:11:45.340 Oh, here we go.

01:11:46.000 Thank you.

01:11:46.380 Tucker Carlson in the praise.

01:11:49.860 We love Tucker.

01:11:50.180 Oh, now I have something to read tonight.

01:11:52.260 I know.

01:11:53.020 That'll be good.

01:11:54.000 You do a great Tucker, by the way.

01:11:55.860 I'm sure you've heard that before.

01:11:56.340 It is a good one.

01:11:57.720 It's easy.

01:11:58.540 He's got that laugh.

01:11:59.580 Yeah.

01:12:00.180 I love Tucker.

01:12:01.000 All right.

01:12:01.240 Well, thank you so much.

01:12:02.180 I know you have to go.

01:12:02.860 Thank you.

01:12:02.980 Oh, you see my patience is growing thin with this synthetic world.

01:12:17.880 Hi, can I get some extra fortune cookies, please?

01:12:24.300 Like 30?

01:12:25.140 What are you doing?

01:12:26.140 Oh, I get all my investment advice from fortune cookies.

01:12:28.400 This place has the best ones.

01:12:30.380 See, it says come to BMO for any investment support you need.

01:12:34.080 No, it doesn't.

01:12:35.180 Oh, yeah, it does.

01:12:36.960 Oh, this is a long one.

01:12:37.920 Whether you're new to investing or pro, BMO is there on your financial journey.

01:12:41.740 Wow, that's actually really helpful.

01:12:43.780 Oh, yeah, this one.

01:12:45.000 Learn more at BMO.com slash invest.

01:12:46.700 Terms and conditions apply.

01:12:47.840 Wait a minute.

01:12:48.400 Is this a BMO commercial?

01:12:49.760 BMO.

The Roseanne Barr Podcast - April 18, 2024

Gutfeld! The King of Late Night ｜ The Roseanne Barr Podcast #044

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