Gutfeld! The King of Late Night ｜ The Roseanne Barr Podcast #044
Episode Stats
Length
1 hour and 12 minutes
Words per Minute
188.02515
Summary
Greg Gutfeld joins me on The Roseanne Podcast to talk about his journey to sobriety and how he overcame his addictions to drugs and alcohol to become a stand-up comedian and host of the hit show Roseanne on Comedy Central. He also talks about how he quit drinking and how it has changed his life and the impact it has had on his comedy career. I hope you enjoy this episode and don t forget to SUBSCRIBE on Apple Podcasts or wherever else you get your podcasts. It helps spread the word about the show and it helps raise awareness about it. Thank you so much to our sponsor, BMO. Whether you re new to investing or pro-pro, B MO is there to help you on your financial journey. Learn more at bmo.ca/investing. Terms and conditions apply. Learn more about BMO's mission: To help you become financially independent and take control of your money and live a life you love. BMO is committed to helping you achieve your financial freedom and provide you with the tools and resources to achieve financial freedom you need to live your best life, no matter where you are at your career, at your best and at your highest potential. If you like what you are doing, please consider becoming a supporter of BMO! Thanks to BMO for sponsoring this podcast and supporting this podcast. You can get a copy of my new book called The Secret to Financial Freedom on Amazon Prime and Kindle Fire HDX. by clicking here. to help spread the love and support the word of the podcast, and support me in my podcast, Roseanne and my other podcast and much more! Subscribe to my podcast on Audible.co/ROSEANNA BONUS: Roseanne to support me on my podcast and get a free copy of the book I am working on my new podcast The Real Life Roseanne Roseanne s new book The Good Life, The Good Thing, The Bad Girl, the Bad Girl Is Good, the Good Life and more. and I am so grateful to have access to the best books, tips to help me grow and learn more about the good life, tips, tips and tips to get the best of my life, and more and so much more. Thank you for supporting me on this podcast, I am truly grateful for all the support I can t live up to my dreams.
Transcript
00:00:00.420
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Greetings, earthlings and humans and any animals who, you know, of the animal kingdom.
00:01:06.340
Everybody tells me when their animals hear my voice, they stop and they're transfixed because,
00:01:14.400
Animals are, you know, able to like really be able to feel some high intelligence kind of thing.
00:01:21.220
So, high animals, humans and earthlings and all of you.
00:01:25.300
I'm very excited for my show today at the Roseanne Barr podcast.
00:01:40.400
And it's going to be another b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-banger because we have such a great guest to talk to.
00:01:48.380
Ladies and gentlemen, the king of late night television himself, Greg Gutfeld.
00:02:10.380
I mean, I'm not trying to be a fanboy or everything, but come on.
00:02:14.940
Probably the most successful female comedian in 50 years, maybe longer.
00:02:26.780
But I don't really know because Amy Schumer, she says she is because she's done the movies.
00:02:33.820
So she says she's the most successful female stand-up.
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Like they said about John F. Kennedy to Dan Quayle.
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You know, uh, when I'm really drunk, I really will, uh, agree with you there.
00:03:05.400
When I'm really drunk and I start going off to my son, these people, but, you know, try
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not to go there to the edge, you know, cause you said you quit drinking.
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Uh, it was the only drug I hadn't tried was sobriety.
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I had done everything and it was getting harder and harder to get anything out of it.
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And I'm going like, what about this thing where you don't do anything?
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It is, uh, I'm literally, and I hate to say this because it sounds like a hippie thing,
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Like when I get up in the morning, because I, I've never had mornings before, like I get
00:03:51.240
Like I was like, usually I'd be depressed or anxious and all that stuff, you know, it might
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I, a lot of that moodiness and weirdness and ambivalence kind of like drifted away.
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Cause I thought like, what would I do with all that time?
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You can do a lot of, you can do like weird things.
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Cause you'd rather be sitting there drinking and chatting, but it's about chatting, isn't
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Drinking was about being with your thoughts and, and work in, in hypothesizing.
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Like, it's almost like beta testing the future.
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But at the same time, it's like, I was also just avoiding things.
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And, um, I was incredibly, I was, as I got more and older, I was just becoming more antisocial.
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Like I was no longer drinking with other people.
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I would, um, avoid, I was like, I'm not going to go to a bar.
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I just, you know, just go home, get a bottle of wine.
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But were you, so did you get sober or did you just quit drinking?
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I just, uh, it was just, it's a click went off in my head and, uh, and I, and I just been
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I've been thinking about it for a while, but I always put it off.
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And then for some reason I just decided, eh, that's it.
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Do you think it's because also you got so busy?
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I mean, you're doing this show and you can't feel bad.
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You have to be able to produce, you know, the work.
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And you, you have to kind of, um, be able to not put all your shit on other people.
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And it's just like, you know, if you're not feeling well, then no one else is either.
00:06:15.020
And I just had to like, you know, maybe if I just tried this other drug, what would
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And then, and then all of a sudden it's like, things are pretty good, but it was always
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the fear of what the rest of your life is like if you quit.
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Cause I'm like, you can stop a while and then start again if you really want.
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You just don't, you know, the line is you don't drink for today.
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You know, who knows what will happen tomorrow and then tomorrow I'll say, well, I don't
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And then all of a sudden you start racking up the days, you know, and pretty soon you
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It seems like you're liking it and feeling good.
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What, what's it like to like, I mean, cause we were talking before, I mean, it's such a
00:07:15.640
cultural shift and nobody's talking about it cause they don't want to talk about anything
00:07:20.060
real or anything that they don't want to define what's really happening, but it's a huge cultural
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shift that, that a, uh, conservative comedy show and, and it is really well written and
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And I like that comics can say things on there and they don't have to act like goons.
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You know, they aren't dancing with, uh, hypodermic needles and shit like that.
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But, um, you know, you're saying something and it's a cultural shift because it's more
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And these guys, I mean, they're just drowning in unfunny.
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I do think it all came down to speech because think about the shift, the fact that like
00:08:02.700
you're, I, you're no longer in this camp and the show is successful and they all have something
00:08:13.120
And once the left and liberals gave that up, we snatched it.
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And you can tell how like uncomfortable comedians of the, of the left are when they're there.
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They know that there's a line, there's a line they can't cross.
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Meanwhile, you and I, we can say whatever we want and we share the risk.
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If I get in trouble, I hope you, I know you will, but I mean, you know what I mean?
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It's like, we, we understand that we're here to say what we think.
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And if that goes away, what's there, what's left to do?
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It's kind of like a glass ceiling or some other kind of ceiling where they cannot punch
00:09:02.540
up because they're too scared, but they, then they have to punch down.
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They accuse us of punching down when we go after any kind of identity group, which I believe
00:09:21.500
Because anybody that, that professes that they have a higher, I don't know, they, they're,
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they have, they have rights because they're victims.
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Well, that they have the high moral ground when they don't.
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And so like, how dare you, you know, I do a lot of stuff on trans and they go, you're
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They have more rights now, according to the left.
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If a man can play, you know, go swimming against women in college sports, I think he has more
00:09:53.000
And it's like, so to me, it's like, uh, such a continuation of, uh, the worst of patriarchy
00:10:00.820
that you can come to, but they don't even see it because they're so brainwashed because
00:10:05.120
the left really thinks it controls thought and language.
00:10:09.680
And so all they do is, uh, vomit up meaningless bullshit that nobody thinks is funny.
00:10:19.540
And you know, Michael Malice, you know, Michael Malice, right?
00:10:22.580
He came up with this great acronym called awful.
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Women are so quick to throw other women under the bus.
00:10:37.680
They're always clutching their pearls, even though they probably think pearls are like
00:10:41.740
And then, and, and, uh, they will, um, it will actually indulge a man who has
00:10:49.860
You know, he gets, he gets off on, they will say that that person has more rights than the
00:10:54.940
women that they're like, and it's like, it's like, where are the female teachers?
00:11:10.520
You know, and then they're like, you're not having a peeper.
00:11:17.580
Well, once they, once we got COVID, you remember how there was no flu anymore.
00:11:31.040
The nudists must feel like there's cultural appropriation going on.
00:11:35.500
I remember growing up in the seventies, they were always called transvestites or cross-dressers.
00:11:47.940
It's like, now he's like, that's, he should be mad.
00:12:08.200
They had always had, but now it's like everything is so serious and solemn and, and like, you know.
00:12:17.200
That's how I felt when I went back to come back, you know, it was like the war against
00:12:29.180
And of course I fought and when we got laughs and feel vanquished and vindicated, but I mean,
00:12:37.380
now it's like, it needs to be the, it needs to be this.
00:12:48.860
In this late, in the mid to late seventies, watching the Oscars was like a group thing.
00:12:54.080
Now you watch it and you can just feel the stress of the, of the people talking.
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Like they're like, everybody has to be careful and all the nominees have to be a specific
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The joy of comedy, the joy of creating something.
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The joy of when you've got a good idea and everybody's in on it, like doing a show.
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Like the Mickey Rooney old thing of let's put on a show.
00:13:34.220
And they hate, they hate it when they see success on the other side.
00:13:42.500
Oh, you know, they, it was always conservatives can't be funny, but now they won't even talk
00:13:48.460
Like Adam Carolla told me that it's so personal over there and the other side that they have
00:14:00.260
And of course they've totally written me out of the entire social of, you know, it's
00:14:06.880
pretty amazing when they, I, I, I did three guest spots on the show, the office, you know?
00:14:14.420
And somebody just told me they wrote a book about all the guests, people that guested
00:14:23.340
It's like, she never existed, which was how it was when I first came.
00:14:28.120
It's like that woman, she's, why is she not serving us coffee?
00:14:34.120
You know, it was that kind of like, so arrogant leadership.
00:14:41.520
It was a combination of like some young person, like a Gen Z or somebody who had, who can't
00:14:47.980
write and can't tell jokes, but you know, makes themselves important by, by making these
00:14:55.480
I think a lot of people, you know, a lot of people might be uncomfortable.
00:15:00.500
I think, you know, maybe, you know, maybe it wouldn't hurt to, you know, I just want,
00:15:13.260
Remember when it was, when art was supposed to be unsafe?
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It's supposed to make you think and feel and react.
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Like, I remember like, you know, artists would do terrible things, terrible things.
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Now they're like, they have to like, make sure there's a, there's a, a play in England
00:15:31.040
right now that has a trigger warning against eating oranges.
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Because the people on stage are eating oranges.
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It's a, it's a, it's a play about like transphobia.
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It's a queer play, but they're worried because the characters are eating oranges that it might
00:15:47.300
be, uh, might cause some kind of like, uh, PTSD.
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It's called misophonia, which is, uh, like you have a, um, uh, uh, a fear of hearing certain
00:16:01.260
That's like, uh, married women with their husbands.
00:16:03.300
I've heard about like, no, that's the true thing.
00:16:05.120
Like you want to hit your husband in the head when you hear him chew.
00:16:06.880
Is it that maybe, but I think that they probably made it into something worth, I mean, I don't
00:16:12.620
like it when people, no, it makes you want to hit them, but like, that's like, if you're
00:16:17.000
going to a play and you can't handle that, you can't handle watching someone eat an orange.
00:16:24.160
That makes me applaud for the possibility of the hydrogen bomb drop on all of us.
00:16:29.780
Do you think John Waters could make his old movies like pink flamingos or anything like
00:17:02.300
And when we hung out, it was just, you need a gas mask.
00:17:07.900
I hope he'll do something really offensive to shake people off.
00:17:10.960
Who would have thought that hairspray would be the thing that probably made him incredibly
00:17:15.340
Like a musical, you know, I guess that was what it was.
00:17:39.360
And I did talk to him about it way back about my dream is to be the girl, not whatever.
00:17:50.940
And I was just talking to people that have made movies about.
00:18:03.860
I mean, it's like every, it's so many twists and turns.
00:18:07.880
And it's, it's like, you know, what drove me crazy was that show, the marvelous Ms. Maisel.
00:18:16.660
Oh, the, the, the, the, the, the, wait, the girl that made it.
00:18:21.880
I was going to say that the comic wasn't funny to me.
00:18:27.400
I was like, well, she was, Amy was a good writer, but.
00:18:32.260
They probably, you know what, it's that weird thing.
00:18:39.540
Well, because they don't have the people, they don't have any sense of humor.
00:18:44.760
They hate, they hate humor even more than they hate comedy and they hate witty and they
00:18:56.340
They really despise that because they don't get it, but they don't get anything above a
00:19:08.660
And anyway, we want somebody that looks like a model.
00:19:11.560
Have you lost any comedian friends from old, from the old days who won't talk to you or
00:19:27.400
I mean, they painted, I mean, sometimes this is something I'm in the middle of now looking
00:19:35.480
at how they do, how they weave a whole spell around people.
00:19:40.120
So they get, they get a, a target and then they weave a whole, but you know, I'll do something
00:19:50.060
Everybody's talking to me about doing something and I don't know if I want to, but maybe I
00:20:04.960
I kind of wrote this sitcom for myself, you know, and, uh.
00:20:10.120
I was visiting an idol of mine yesterday, which was the first time I had met her.
00:20:24.020
They say she never invites anybody and she invited me.
00:20:29.900
Well, we're not, as I asked her, she said, she's not at liberty to say, but she, she invented
00:20:37.400
a whole genre of comedy, which I thanked her on behalf of all my friend comic going, God,
00:20:42.880
she introduced, uh, you know, that whole improv.
00:20:46.920
She and Mike Nicholson, you know, how that just changed generations forever.
00:20:53.800
And so I was watching her movies and all like that.
00:20:59.780
And then we were talking about, well, when you're funny and you can see funny and you
00:21:04.100
can write funny, you don't really need more than a guy with a camera.
00:21:07.900
Cause you start thinking, oh, I need the staff and the produce.
00:21:14.120
That's what I wanted to talk to you about is the funny that you're doing.
00:21:19.380
Now I know that we were doing our research on you and we knew that you were at Berkeley
00:21:24.660
and that's when you started to, I mean, there's two streams that I want to talk to you about.
00:21:28.980
One is waking up from being at Berkeley and realizing that you're at Berkeley and to them
00:21:35.680
becoming like who you are now because you were in, you went to men's editing.
00:21:44.120
I mean, first I was, I was, uh, uh, a romantic liberal because it got you a lot of attention
00:21:51.240
I remember when I, when I was in high school, uh, if we mark, if we got signatures for the
00:21:57.720
nuclear freeze in California, we could get extra credit.
00:22:03.080
And then, so I got, I wanted to go to Berkeley.
00:22:04.900
And of course, when I got there, my romantic view of liberalism was faced with the reality
00:22:12.080
And I was, I saw what I saw them up close and I go, my God, these people are crazy.
00:22:20.200
And, and also I started meeting people that weren't like, uh, that actually read.
00:22:28.460
And I found, I started reading national review and this other magazine called American spectator,
00:22:35.800
And I, I just started to kind of educate myself on a world that I didn't know existed.
00:22:40.940
I was just, I just thought liberalism was all there is.
00:22:43.820
I didn't even like, even with Ronald Reagan, I just thought he was a president.
00:22:48.440
I didn't understand if what, what, what, like my parents probably voted for him, but they
00:22:52.920
Democrats, but I didn't really know that there was much difference, not that there is anymore
00:22:59.120
But I mean, it's like, there was, you know, I didn't, I didn't think much about it.
00:23:03.560
I remember when Reagan won in 84, a guy came back, I was living in a fraternity and he was
00:23:15.480
And it wasn't until later that it started to put it together.
00:23:18.900
And I started to think for myself and I started reading.
00:23:22.660
And then I started to realize that the reason why I held liberal beliefs was because they
00:23:27.120
were easy and they made me look smarter than I was.
00:23:30.920
And the false compassion of it all, like to pretend that you care.
00:23:34.520
And I realized, I realized this with a liberal compassion is that it's the opposite because
00:23:39.980
it never factors in the, uh, the consequences for the other people.
00:23:45.060
So like you can say you're compassion about trans athletes, but you're actually not compassion
00:23:51.080
to the other athletes, but you don't address that.
00:23:54.120
And if you look at immigration, I am compassionate about those claiming asylum to come across,
00:23:58.940
but you're not actually compassion to all the people where the jobs are being displaced
00:24:03.080
or the people that waited in line did all the right things.
00:24:05.600
So you ignore the, they, they don't understand the consequences of their so-called compassion
00:24:12.820
I'm for like criminal justice reform, no bail, no bail, you know, blah, blah.
00:24:17.660
And then when they hear that the recidivist has then committed eight more crimes and beat
00:24:23.980
So I started to learn that there was a whole other side to my beliefs that I, that I hadn't looked
00:24:31.360
That would be like, that, that's a kind of an, an awakening and an expansion of a moral
00:24:40.640
And I didn't, it was, and I didn't have that before.
00:24:43.420
And it was, it was, it's like, I, I, I swung, I swung from like one end to the other.
00:24:49.620
And then I started becoming a, like a crazy little right winger.
00:24:53.160
I went to, um, I went to a animal rights, uh, uh, concert where the B 52s were playing
00:25:00.040
and I was handing out like, like stickers that said, nuke the whales, you know, just
00:25:06.440
And, oh, there was a, a one that said, I, you know how they have like I heart baby seals.
00:25:13.400
And I was handing that that's how, so it was, I kind of probably went a little too far, but,
00:25:17.740
uh, um, but that, and that was in DC when I was an intern.
00:25:20.920
And then I ended up, uh, you know, writing, trying to learn to write while trying to learn
00:25:27.900
I ended up as the fitness editor of prevention magazine.
00:25:32.980
And then from there I hopped over to men's health, became the editor.
00:25:36.740
I was fired from there after doing a piece called the best colleges for men.
00:25:46.080
And I was, we were seeing how things were changing, uh, where, uh, against kids, boys.
00:25:53.800
And so, uh, that's about the year where people started talking about it too.
00:25:58.020
And, and so the, I, I said that I think the worst college for men, I, I, I can't remember
00:26:03.480
what it was, but it turned out to be the CEO's alma mater.
00:26:08.320
And then I went to stuff magazine was the editor there, moved to Maxim in the UK.
00:26:12.440
And then I ended up kind of coming back and ended up, uh, as working at red eye in between
00:26:18.320
there, I was doing a lot of other weird things, but, uh, red eye was my first TV show.
00:26:25.580
They, Fox basically said, I showed up there and they said, uh, so, um, we're going to do
00:26:32.220
And I thought, I feel like three months and they go, yeah.
00:26:34.060
So you're going to rehearse for a couple of days and then we're going to go live on
00:26:40.560
I was drinking, drinking during the rehearsals, drinking before the show, drinking after the
00:26:48.060
Me and the other panelists would go to this bar and we'd be like, what are we doing?
00:26:52.240
And then within five months, it became something like fun.
00:26:57.780
It was like, all of a sudden we figured it out.
00:27:09.060
And then all of a sudden it became such a weird cult phenomenon and we started getting
00:27:16.400
I remember that like at three in the morning, we were beating morning Joe at NBC, which is on
00:27:21.060
at like nine and, and we started just getting, that's amazing.
00:27:26.720
And, and also like insomniacs, truck drivers, you know, it was, uh, uh, I remember like
00:27:32.540
we had our core audience was like breastfeeders.
00:27:41.020
But it was, and then, uh, and then he started the five and it was like, Ailes was like,
00:27:47.080
And, you know, it was, you know, it just fucking took off.
00:27:54.200
And it, and then I got my show on the weekends and then that became nightly and I did, you
00:28:00.500
I've got to talk about this because I did not want to do the nightly show because I
00:28:05.060
was already doing the five and the weekly show.
00:28:13.720
And I was like, I didn't want, I didn't want the pro I was, I was making decent money.
00:28:24.760
You thought it was going to be like a Joan Rivers.
00:28:27.100
Remember how they tried to kill her for late night?
00:28:30.620
But also everybody was every, it was canceled culture.
00:28:34.580
And I remember telling the boss, I go like, I don't think, you know, I'm going to think
00:28:39.200
And I talked to one late night host, uh, Dennis Miller.
00:28:47.440
And then I called Tucker and I go, yeah, Tucker.
00:28:55.060
And so, but something made me think I should just call Tucker.
00:28:59.540
I go, so, uh, Fox offered me this nightly thing.
00:29:08.700
And I go, but I think it goes, no, no, no, no, no.
00:29:15.760
I'm supposed to tell them on Monday that was on a Friday.
00:29:18.500
And he completely turned me around and he was like, what do you, why are you, why are
00:29:24.960
And I was trying to explain to him and he goes, who cares?
00:29:32.880
And it just like, it was like, I needed somebody to just kick me in the face.
00:29:42.060
And it's like, I just, sometimes you need somebody to kind of like transfuse their fearlessness
00:29:55.960
And then like, and then we went out all, you know, to the wall, rude, unapologetic, and
00:30:04.460
You know, when you do that, when you, when you say, fuck them, you just like, you know.
00:30:12.100
So I, that's what I was going to ask you about, but you'd never stand up or any of that kind
00:30:17.000
No, it doesn't make sense to me how you went from just a regular and then get funny, funny,
00:30:23.760
I, I, I think it was from, I've been asked this from editorial meetings and magazines
00:30:35.180
I would run these meetings and it'd be like, what do you think, Steve?
00:30:38.960
And we would just go, we'd spend hours doing this to do a monthly magazine and, and there
00:30:45.260
I think a lot of it came from those meetings because I, you know, I do stand up now on these
00:30:51.620
shows, but I'd like, I, you know, it just, you know, I never thought I, I, I, I love
00:30:59.100
I mean, I could, I mean, I was like, that's all I watched on the tonight show.
00:31:03.520
You know, I was a tonight show freak, a Letterman freak, all of that.
00:31:07.320
But I just never thought I could, you know, I, that would be my thing.
00:31:11.860
I was somebody that like writes funny stuff or I'm going to write a novel.
00:31:21.620
And then it just turned into this thing, you know, are you so like, you must be so
00:31:28.520
It's just, it's so, first of all, it's unheard of.
00:31:32.020
It's a huge victory against everything that we all hate.
00:31:36.620
It's, it's, it's, I have to stop and think about, it's not just a show.
00:31:41.540
It's a show that so many people wanted to stop.
00:31:45.620
So it's, it's like a, it's more than success in a way.
00:31:50.400
And, uh, and also I, I forget that I talked about this, like, I would talk about this
00:31:56.740
with Breitbart when he was alive about like, you know, there needs to be this thing.
00:32:04.500
You know, it's like, I mean, red eye, we tried to do that, but we assumed that like,
00:32:10.140
we're on a 3am when nobody watches, this is like a ghetto, you know, but it was actually
00:32:19.260
He put me in a place to fail where I could fail every night.
00:32:26.380
And it's like, it was like, I was doing open mic nights.
00:32:33.520
So I didn't like, I don't know how many shows I just like seven years.
00:32:36.580
Maybe I think I was doing red eye and then the five overlap and it was like, I got the
00:32:42.060
best training and now I can talk and I can think what on my feet, I still write a lot
00:32:48.880
of notes, but that's because I have like, I have to have some kind of substance about
00:32:52.900
the topic, but it's like, sometimes I rely on it too much, but it's like, I, you know,
00:32:57.800
I think, you know, it, it's, it's, it happened at the pace that it was supposed to happen.
00:33:09.840
And also I have a great, I mean, Kyrus is amazing.
00:33:14.540
I mean, it's an amazing forum for any comment that goes on there.
00:33:17.920
I, yeah, you have, there's such different people.
00:33:20.800
You got Kat, who's this like sly, uh, you know, obviously libertarian, but just also just
00:33:28.840
I like how witty she is because we don't get to see witty women on TV ever.
00:33:37.640
And of course, Kyrus is like, he's like a sage, you know, it's like, you know, people
00:33:42.680
don't, you know, if they don't, if they just looked at him, they'd assume he's a wrestler,
00:33:51.280
As you know, the U S government and China are trying to kill us some more, trying to
00:33:57.400
Apparently they're doing more gain of function research this time with the bird flu.
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They want to make it more deadly and more infectious.
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00:37:05.500
Another person that was like, probably didn't intend to be doing this.
00:37:16.420
I mean, he's now doing these live shows and, but he does it his way, you know, and he writes,
00:37:25.220
It's like, it's kind of, it's pretty ballsy too.
00:37:27.680
But then again, professional wrestlers are performers.
00:37:32.460
You have to be really smart to actually hold a story in your head, you know, time it so
00:38:01.340
I don't know whatever happened to it, but they do things called calls because they work
00:38:07.780
They'll throw out a word or stuff and they know what to do.
00:38:13.060
Because they have like a specific move that they've rehearsed.
00:38:16.860
They'll be like, we're going to do the 447 and then they know what to do.
00:38:34.680
He's also a professional, was he MMA or professional wrestler?
00:38:39.700
Is that the guy that was naked on the Oscars they're talking about?
00:38:43.240
And he was really funny in a movie with, uh, what's her name?
00:38:46.960
He was like some guy she was having sex with and he was, I can't remember the movie.
00:38:54.920
But they, they have some, they have talent, you know?
00:38:59.060
I want to ask you about your writing process because I'm nosy on that one.
00:39:04.100
You're really, uh, uh, regimented and you do the same thing every day.
00:39:11.280
You don't just like sit there like me and go, I have to clean the house first and then
00:39:16.240
It, that I do that with books, but with, with, uh, the show, I get up every morning, uh, have
00:39:23.160
two cups of coffee and write, um, it also, the phones help now because if you have an
00:39:29.080
idea, you hit the thing and you, and it, that say, it's like, I, I, if I come up, come
00:39:33.940
with an idea, I have something to put it down on before.
00:39:37.040
I don't know how many ideas I lost because of that.
00:39:39.640
Remember when you would lie back at night, you think you'd have the greatest idea ever
00:39:47.400
But I, so I write, I used to write on the stair climber at Equinox.
00:39:50.820
I'd have a clipboard and I would just write like this and it would pat to pass the time
00:39:58.380
Now I get up in the morning, I write all this stuff.
00:40:01.800
I I'll send an idea off to somebody who will put a body together.
00:40:06.000
Now I, now I have help on my monologues to write like the basics and then I just edit
00:40:10.320
for hours on end and write jokes and Joe Mackey and Joe DeVito, they write the jokes.
00:40:16.280
I, um, so the guy Dan writes stuff and we just, we have the tiniest staff and, um, and
00:40:22.660
then, uh, you're just, you just get up and it flows.
00:40:26.200
It just comes, it just flows because you don't have to do, cause you've got the muscle.
00:40:30.920
Well, yeah, it's been, I've been doing that every day as a, as a magazine writer.
00:40:35.780
I didn't have the, by the way, being a magazine writer is pretty lazy.
00:40:42.580
But back then I'd get up every morning and I'd write little bits for prevention, these
00:40:46.520
little health front, they were called health fronts, 121 words or, and I would have to
00:40:53.560
Sometimes I have to call two doctors, interview them, transcribe, also transcribing help because
00:41:01.160
And now I write every, like now, now when I just listen to anybody, I will write stuff.
00:41:05.560
You'll see me on the five, I'm scribbling away.
00:41:12.820
Somebody said that if, when you're writing or when you're thinking a thought, writing
00:41:18.240
it down, the more muscles that you use, the more likely you will like form it, create it.
00:41:24.640
And so I always write it down, even if it's stupid.
00:41:27.360
Sometimes I won't have an idea at all and I'll just start writing and it'll just somehow
00:41:36.940
And sometimes it'll be like, you're there for a really long time and then it just changes.
00:41:41.680
It just changes something, something that you can't describe, but it does feel good when
00:41:50.240
And it's great when you have like a, let's say this much writing and then somehow you edit
00:41:55.080
it and something happens and you just lose half of it.
00:42:01.800
And it's just like, fuck, it's like, it's like, damn, it's like this thing.
00:42:07.020
Like no one else has found, like you can come up with a thought no one else came up with
00:42:11.960
And you're like, it's like, that to me is such, that is like a real buzz.
00:42:18.440
And then, then I get into a groove and then when I get to work, I'll edit nonstop because
00:42:32.740
And it's got, it's still, even if it's just a joke, it still has to have a beginning,
00:42:38.900
It's got to go in a loop and then go left instead of right.
00:42:43.780
The worst thing, the worst thing is when I have a great joke and I fucked up the delivery
00:42:49.960
and I'm like, and I'm, when I do the show, I don't stop down and do it over again because
00:42:56.240
I just go, no, I just have to, I just have to live with it.
00:43:02.180
And, and maybe people won't notice most people don't, but I did.
00:43:06.440
And I feel like, like a word, I fucked up a word that will drive me crazy.
00:43:11.900
You have to bring it back in a couple of nights.
00:43:15.060
We used to say, me and Lori Metcalf would say, when we do that, we'd go, uh, Christ fucked
00:43:21.700
Cause there's such gold, but we'd say it's kind of like a bunch of crap just dribbles out
00:43:27.340
of your mouth, onto your, then you're just down and you're going like, should I
00:43:34.320
But then you're like, no, I'm just going to have to sit here with this.
00:43:40.640
Especially when it's like falling over a word because the timing matters so much.
00:43:45.880
And it's, do you always know what's going to work?
00:43:50.500
I get like, I will scold the audience if it doesn't work.
00:43:55.980
So there was a, there was an athlete, there was a, a trans male athlete.
00:43:59.920
This was a, was a news story who was showering and dressing with the girls and a girl was
00:44:06.540
there and he was caught staring at her breasts.
00:44:28.080
I know, but it was like, it kind of just went, it just laid there.
00:44:32.440
And it's like, I was like, oh, and you, and I'm yelling at the audience and I think it's,
00:44:41.740
Like, it was a joke that was like workshop between me and, uh, I think it was Joe Mackey.
00:44:48.040
And I don't even remember how it just like, and then it, and then it, and then it was
00:44:51.880
like to lose the boner was like, that is just really, it is.
00:45:00.740
I thought I tried this for years and it never did work.
00:45:07.020
I shouldn't have said that first, but I thought that this was so funny and it never did work.
00:45:13.300
Oh, now I said, but, uh, it just cracks me up still.
00:45:19.720
Cause I already told you, but anyway, I go, I, you know, that thing where they go, I complained
00:45:29.860
So mine was, I complained because I had no shoes, but then I met a woman who had no waist.
00:45:43.580
Just because I was always obsessed with having no waist, I guess.
00:45:51.720
That's a, that's in like Stephen Wright territory.
00:46:11.260
Also, you, you, you, the best, I think the best was a Norm MacDonald.
00:46:22.540
I mean, he was not a liberal and it was, I I'll never get when he, he complimented
00:46:29.660
And I thought, I thought I was going to pass out because he, and then I, I took a, I went
00:46:35.420
to see him at the Paramount theater in New York and I'm getting on a, on a train with
00:46:43.880
And we just sat and we hung out the entire night.
00:46:46.340
I went backstage with him and just sat in the green room.
00:46:48.980
And then we hung out the night after and just, and then we took the train back together
00:46:54.240
and he got yelled at by the, um, the conductor and other people because he was so loud because
00:47:02.300
And he was like watching these games and just like intense screaming and like, people are
00:47:13.500
I still watch all, I still watch everything I can of him.
00:47:22.560
Um, when he was on SNL and doing the news though, there was nothing, there was nothing
00:47:35.980
When he did the view and they were just, they did not know.
00:47:41.620
When he's like, I thought everyone knew that she murdered that guy.
00:48:04.680
I was mad at him because I go, I left a message.
00:48:08.160
Norm, because I was, I was calling him going, is this funny?
00:48:12.220
I do those calls to my friends and then they don't take my calls anymore after a certain number.
00:48:18.460
But I thought he had gone into that friend zone or whatever it is where they won't listen to your jokes.
00:48:23.920
So I'm like, Norm, you're not going to turn into the guy that doesn't call me back because I bother you too much, are you?
00:48:35.440
I was like, that son of a bitch doesn't even call me back.
00:48:39.600
I guess he just like, he was a, well, he's a, was a really private person.
00:48:46.800
He didn't look great when, when on that, on that trip.
00:48:52.260
But I just thought maybe I'd never, I've never seen him before.
00:48:55.620
So I just thought, oh, he just looks this way, but he didn't look healthy, but I didn't have a, I didn't have a clue.
00:49:01.220
And it was, yeah, that he's the only person who, when they died, I had to text so many people because we were all like, something was stolen.
00:49:10.100
Like it was, yeah, something was stolen from you and it's not fair.
00:49:20.020
And he was just, he had the best, he had the best Trump joke ever.
00:49:34.400
But people hated Hillary so bad that they voted for a guy they hated even worse.
00:49:50.460
What do you, what do you think's the big thing that you should tackle next?
00:49:55.160
Because I mean, if I was sitting up here and I was king of the hill late night and I knew that everything sucked and that it's just getting worse and I have to do something to help my country and the people in it.
00:50:12.300
It's, I'm actually more angry at the media because of, because the media is supposed to be like, you should be going after these alphabet institutions, CIA, FBI.
00:50:25.060
It's like, like what happened to all the president's men and all of those movies of the 70s where the journalists were fearless and now it's actually happening and they're part of it.
00:50:36.280
It's like, wait, you do realize that they're trying to put him in jail to win an election and then they're even, like Biden, the Biden Harris camp posted on X.
00:50:46.840
Like they were boasting about how much money they raised and how much money he has to pay for lawyers.
00:50:58.480
Going on X and I about tear what's left of my horrible hairdo out.
00:51:06.660
But, um, I go on there and I just, it makes me get like an ulcer because they're proud of how they are destroying our country, our laws.
00:51:17.640
They're proud that they're involved in corrupt law against people.
00:51:22.780
That they're ruining people's lives for no fucking reason.
00:51:26.900
And hush money, I'm pretty sure is not illegal.
00:51:34.400
And, and, and I don't think anybody ever wrote like this is for hush money on anything.
00:51:43.140
Like you're under arrest for paying this person.
00:51:46.240
I don't not to tell like, Hey, don't tell my wife.
00:51:56.820
So is it to me and I know they're going to, well, I use campaign funds or maybe use that's
00:52:01.460
still not against the law, but, um, it's, it, it, it is.
00:52:09.620
Well, that I was going to say, like, you look at, okay.
00:52:12.300
January 6th, they went too far, but compare that to how the people that aren't in jail after
00:52:17.440
the riots and the looting and what we're seeing in New York city, like there are grandmothers
00:52:25.980
And, and there are people that are nine, 10, 12 times arrested, let out, eaten up chicks.
00:52:31.140
And, you know, it's like, they're, it's so clear that they are targeting, they're hunting
00:52:37.760
If you're a Republican, if you're, if you're, if you're not a liberal, you are being hunted,
00:52:43.520
whether you're in the media or entertainment, or you're just somebody in a fucking trailer
00:52:48.400
park, they were, they, CNN would say, well, they hate Trump voters, but now I think they're
00:52:57.600
You know, it's like, well, we're bringing in these people to replace you.
00:53:03.200
We're bringing these people because they'll vote for us because we have to stay because
00:53:13.960
So we have to let all the criminals and bring in crazy people from other countries.
00:53:18.400
I saw, we, we did this on the five, we showed Biden speaking to Univision and it was about
00:53:32.120
So I'm thinking, okay, so he's sitting there, he's doing this big interview.
00:53:37.000
He looked like he's what, 81 or 80, something like that guy.
00:53:48.400
And I'm going to, okay, even if I love this guy, let's say I was pro Biden, I would be
00:53:58.480
This is just, this is bad for him and bad for the country.
00:54:01.740
Even if I believed in him, which I don't, all of it, everything he's doing is on the
00:54:07.940
I came up with this line on the five yesterday where I said, just because they say they're
00:54:14.140
You know, like, crime, immigration, nobody, nobody is going to say they're for squatting,
00:54:23.860
They're not going to say, I like, I'm not, I'm not for an open border, but you're behind
00:54:39.400
And that's, and that it, by the way, lawfare is that way.
00:54:46.400
Take off, make them put all their money toward their defense.
00:54:49.560
And they have to be in the, uh, talking to lawyers nine hours every single day.
00:54:53.740
Right now there's a silent epidemic that's, uh, uh, hurting hundreds of millions of Americans
00:55:03.160
Just want to reiterate that fatty liver affects your sleep.
00:55:11.920
I think your liver needs to have its stomach stapled.
00:55:15.640
So, uh, why don't you take a, a swig of that alcohol while we talk about fatty liver?
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Cause I shall, I think you're the best spokesman for those liver health products.
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00:56:32.060
All right, Ma, you getting ready to hit your Diet Smoke gummies?
00:56:41.140
They sent me their new favorite flavor, 420 Reserve Indica, which is good.
00:56:54.860
And I can never remember which it is, but somebody told me to go indica is in the couch.
00:57:03.340
I think this is my favorite and it's watermelon flavored.
00:57:07.460
And I have been feeling badly cause we got the flu, right?
00:57:14.500
So as soon as I'm done with doing these ads, I'm eating my watermelon, 420 Indica.
00:57:31.020
So I just want to say Diet Smoke, they've been supporting us since the beginning.
00:57:35.040
What I love about them, there's a lot of weed companies out there, but what Diet Smoke
00:57:39.620
does specifically is they have a sommelier that tailors.
00:57:42.940
A sommelier, just like they got over there at a Starbucks or a winery, right?
00:57:52.120
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Go to dietsmoke.com and use code RB420 at the checkout and you will receive four free gifts
00:58:11.680
I'll repeat, use code RB420 at the checkout and you'll receive four free gifts and 20%
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And I think we're responsible for at least 8 million of those.
00:58:44.360
No, I was going to say you pushed the product and people that listen to this show, they love
00:58:48.640
to hit the Diet Smoke gummies and then listen to you and I just blabber for an hour.
00:58:55.080
Well, get on the Indica if you need a nap or you're not feeling up and you need like, you
00:59:00.140
know, to rest so you can, you know, your body can heal.
00:59:04.260
Use the sativa for when you're on the go and you want to like write or, you know, get
00:59:17.940
Do you think that, I sometimes wonder if that helps Trump because it takes up the time
00:59:24.640
that he would have spent, you know, saying shit he could get in.
00:59:31.320
It's like, you know, he only has a few hours to beat Trump.
00:59:40.220
And the less you see of him, the more people on the fence like him.
00:59:44.840
Because they see Biden and they're going like, who is this guy?
00:59:57.240
And they are like slowly untangling and unmasking themselves because what I love the best is,
01:00:03.700
and it just came up if you really looked at it hard, was that they all used Rico to accuse
01:00:10.380
Going to the White House, talking to Kamala, Bonnie, Wilson.
01:00:15.680
The whole thing, all the judges, all complete Rico to make up a charge of Rico.
01:00:20.540
And it's, of course, going to bite him in the ass.
01:00:22.620
Yeah, and it is amazing that like even something as simple as, you know, everybody knows Joe
01:00:32.900
And then they say he's too old, they're not going to do, he's too old to be-
01:00:39.460
That means I'm going to wait until I'm his age and kill people.
01:00:45.860
But the horror of it is that there's just no laws of our entire republic are being respected.
01:01:03.120
You know, the thing is, I've come around, like, I, I, when, I didn't really see the Marxism
01:01:10.660
underneath all this, but now it is so obvious that it's like, this is how Marxism morphs.
01:01:17.620
It didn't work in, it didn't work in the class, in the, in the, in class warfare.
01:01:22.580
So they turned it into race and identity warfare.
01:01:25.880
You know, and it, and it just keeps morphing and it, and it's all the same, it's the same
01:01:32.660
And then they use the blackmail to get their way in.
01:01:35.640
Cause I just heard a guy say that that's how Kamala got vice because she got all the black
01:01:41.440
celebrities to get ahold of Biden and say, you need a black woman to be vice president.
01:01:46.620
Well, they, they needed to counter the fact that he was like, yeah, yeah.
01:01:52.700
I mean, my God, he, it, things he said on tape, you know, remember all she said.
01:02:12.860
Do you think that I worked as hard as I did to, me and tons of women to see that become
01:02:21.280
vice president, a woman who blew her way to the middle?
01:02:26.880
I'm feeling like Tucker when it goes like this.
01:02:30.800
You know, I realized Tucker does the laugh when he doesn't want to comment.
01:02:38.880
It's a great, I remember like the one thing that pissed me off too.
01:02:44.880
That fucking interview where they tried to string you and him up was insane.
01:02:52.680
And he got, and I could tell that he wasn't used to that being in that situation afterward.
01:03:01.000
By the way, aren't you, aren't you, I shouldn't do, no, I'm not going to talk about it.
01:03:08.980
No, that's what we said we were going to do at the end.
01:03:15.240
No, I said at the end we got to talk about Geraldo.
01:03:19.820
Now there's some things like I probably can't talk about, but ask, ask me.
01:03:26.380
Look, the guy, the guy did some nasty stuff to me that I, you know, I can't talk about,
01:03:35.880
But let's talk about how crazy the guy is and how crazy he was at the end when he was
01:03:42.440
on Fox when he was like just talking out of his ass every day.
01:03:49.240
Do you, we were talking, he was talking about climate change and like, and if you wanted
01:03:54.720
an example, if you wanted an example of how elitists, snobs treat the rest of us and how
01:04:02.020
they use climate change as a weapon against us, he goes, you know, we have to understand
01:04:06.840
that, you know, our planet is, you know, is in trouble.
01:04:09.680
Well, I mean, and I'm doing, I tried to get, you know, I tried to get an EV Bentley, but
01:04:15.620
So I had to, I had to get the regular Bentley and I've lost it.
01:04:29.060
And it was so, by the way, that was good television because it was so comical.
01:04:32.780
It was like, he actually said that he wasn't joking.
01:04:37.400
He's, um, he's out there as pure Democrat all the way.
01:04:43.700
He does that thing where like, you know, I love president Trump like a brother, but,
01:04:49.280
When my mom was on your show last year here, he was doing, you were doing the fire.
01:04:52.900
We were watching and you were saying, Oh, Roseanne's going to be on tonight.
01:04:59.940
And he said on the Fox news, I remember I talked to you backstage.
01:05:02.580
I was like, what the fuck is wrong with this guy?
01:05:08.060
He just is in his box that he can't get out of.
01:05:20.560
Like, I think that all, I think that all, I think like the other late night hosts are in that
01:05:27.960
I don't even, but is it a fear vault or is it just a lack of creativity vault?
01:05:32.120
Can I tell you, can I make a very sexist comment?
01:06:00.260
Their wives are under the sway of lesbian publicist witches.
01:06:10.100
And all the feminists listen to all of the married feminists.
01:06:16.120
If they don't have a lesbian, which as the person who's dressing them or doing their publicity,
01:06:23.140
I'm going to take your word for it just to be safe.
01:06:34.420
I, a lot of my friends change and it's, and it's like, they can't say that they like Trump.
01:06:45.640
And, you know, I really thought people in my real life when I was in Hawaii, you know,
01:06:56.060
And I would say I was for Trump and the people were like, oh, that's okay.
01:07:02.980
But in Hollywood, they were choking on their gizzards.
01:07:08.080
They, it's, it's, they, they fear for their careers.
01:07:11.240
And I, I, without the, the lesbian aspect of it, the world is run by publicists.
01:07:25.740
But they, they, um, I always found that they're miserable and they're essentially unhappy
01:07:32.160
and lonely and a lot of this status is driven by, um, uh, transferring their maternal instinct
01:07:40.680
So it's like, you know, it's like the joke is the cliche is like, oh, they have cats
01:07:46.560
The cats now are the, are the policies and the positions they take.
01:07:51.220
So they're easily led into the trendiest cause cause cause that's their new cat.
01:07:57.120
That's their new, their, the new cat that they feed.
01:07:59.820
So they have five cats, you know, and there are all these different issues.
01:08:03.100
And so that is their, it's, it's, it's, I, I think it's a shifting of, there's an, there,
01:08:09.260
everybody has instincts and, uh, it's not even a set of women, whether they like it or not
01:08:16.300
And somehow it's been hijacked and you know, and you know what it is though, in my opinion,
01:08:26.720
That's what they're doing with their maternal instincts is they're like, I'm protecting a
01:08:37.640
And the, the lesbian publicist is like their number one thing is to point out women who,
01:08:47.860
Again, not my area, but no, I'm, I'm, I'm building my moat, but you know what's, but you
01:08:53.440
know what's interesting about, um, let's, uh, the, um, the, when you go on TikTok and you
01:08:59.180
see these trans women, i.e. men in drag, they're always throwing a tantrum.
01:09:09.520
So it's like, why, like, what, why are all of these women white knighting?
01:09:19.500
And it's, and it's like, like there were like, I think it was, um, uh, Riley Gaines saying
01:09:26.340
that when they told her that they were going to have a male in the, in, on the team, they
01:09:35.200
And then they had the male swimmer come in and he said that if he wasn't allowed to swim,
01:09:40.580
And so what does that do to your maternal instinct?
01:09:43.820
You just go, well, nobody wants, nobody wants, without even the maternal instinct, you don't
01:09:48.140
want that guilt, blood on your hands, but it was a, it was a.
01:09:54.920
They're like, you will let this penis swing in your face or someone's going to get hurt.
01:09:59.660
Do you remember the story, there were stories about on dating apps, women, female dating
01:10:05.320
apps that if a trans woman, if you didn't date a trans woman who had a penis on a, on
01:10:16.860
And so it's like, I, like a woman, a lesbian who's on a women's dating app has to date a
01:10:22.720
And she's like, well, this is, this is not why I came here.
01:10:41.880
And because I guess we weren't used to adults throwing tantrums, but a lot of this guy in
01:10:46.440
Ophelia, a lot of these guys dressing up as young girls, it's all part of this.
01:10:54.340
Dylan Mulvaney loved to dress up like an eight year old girl.
01:10:57.980
And nobody's saying anything about what him doing a little girl.
01:11:22.720
I'm trying to get my outfit and my hair is horrible.
01:12:02.980
Oh, you see my patience is growing thin with this synthetic world.
01:12:17.880
Hi, can I get some extra fortune cookies, please?
01:12:26.140
Oh, I get all my investment advice from fortune cookies.
01:12:30.380
See, it says come to BMO for any investment support you need.
01:12:37.920
Whether you're new to investing or pro, BMO is there on your financial journey.