The Roseanne Barr Podcast - Single, Sassy & Ready to Mingle ｜ The Roseanne Barr Podcast #130

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00:00:43.420 Greetings Earthlings!

00:00:48.360 And humans!

00:00:50.100 And all other life forms and disembodied spirits

00:00:54.080 uh i guess you would call them the collective of human shadows because you know humans are one way

00:01:05.780 in public and another way in private often so uh those alter egos or alter selves of those people

00:01:18.820 i know they're all tuning in here because they don't think they're supposed to and i love that

00:01:25.140 intrigue um as well as animals who just love me because they know when they hear me talk they went

00:01:33.120 they go the tones the dulcet tones coming from that throat prove that some sort of intelligence

00:01:45.300 has pierced this damned sphere welcome to the roseanne bar podcast 0.91

00:01:53.220 well here we are um i'll have to admit i've been imbibing in alcohol more than usual 0.97

00:02:08.140 because my best friend is here.

00:02:13.080 And this is her fourth time on the show, right, Jake?

00:02:16.360 I thought it was your third, but Shannon said it was your fourth.

00:02:18.780 No, it's number four.

00:02:19.600 Get a little closer to that, Mike, please.

00:02:21.060 And Jake said you are the most, what did you say, Jake?

00:02:25.100 Most prolific, least requested.

00:02:28.760 But I'm kidding, and people love you.

00:02:31.000 No, they love us together.

00:02:32.620 They do.

00:02:33.320 They love girlfriends.

00:02:34.140 I love you together, and I'm one of the producers of this show.

00:02:36.780 Yeah, they do like girlfriends who've been girlfriends for a long time.

00:02:40.320 Like Delma and Louise.

00:02:40.900 Like Oprah and Gail.

00:02:43.120 Yeah, but girlfriends. 0.99

00:02:44.320 Except for we don't have sex.

00:02:46.220 Like Barry and, no.

00:02:49.400 No, this is so funny.

00:02:51.320 When we went out for brunch on Sunday,

00:02:54.540 we were in a throuple with my husband, the three of us.

00:02:59.080 Yeah.

00:02:59.620 And the lady goes, 0.88

00:03:01.780 can I get a picture with your wife to John?

00:03:04.520 He goes, which one?

00:03:06.780 He said, I have two.

00:03:09.060 Well, John is my...

00:03:14.260 Hubster.

00:03:16.020 What is he, honey?

00:03:17.440 He's your husband, but because he's so kind to me, I say, well, he's...

00:03:24.180 The best husband.

00:03:24.980 He's the best husband I never had.

00:03:27.720 So can I have him as my husband too?

00:03:29.940 But only, you know...

00:03:32.940 Non-sexual.

00:03:34.700 Yeah, nothing physical.

00:03:36.160 But he, like, takes care of her.

00:03:38.380 But he is so kind to me.

00:03:41.020 Huh?

00:03:41.260 Shannon takes care of that part.

00:03:42.620 That's why you have a nice husband. 1.00

00:03:44.000 If you had a third woman sexually taking care of your husband, 1.00

00:03:47.460 they might have all been nice for you. 0.93

00:03:47.900 She calls me her sister wife.

00:03:49.940 Yeah.

00:03:50.240 Yeah.

00:03:50.640 That's what I say.

00:03:51.800 It is like that.

00:03:52.680 Because I knew so many polygamists when I grew up in Utah.

00:03:57.300 I bet.

00:03:57.740 And on the sister wives, I saw what that was all about.

00:04:01.000 That was about the publicists in Hollywood. 0.91

00:04:04.680 The lesbian. 0.67

00:04:05.680 I just want to let it be known

00:04:07.920 I'm letting it be known

00:04:11.200 out there

00:04:12.000 in the world

00:04:13.700 she's ready to date

00:04:15.840 why would you say that?

00:04:18.520 I want you to

00:04:19.500 meet somebody

00:04:20.880 maybe that's a podcast

00:04:22.660 maybe we'll do date my mom

00:04:25.480 she is looking very cute

00:04:27.560 she's feeling somewhat frisky

00:04:30.200 yeah she's getting her mojo back 0.87

00:04:31.800 where are they getting these ideas?

00:04:34.080 She's got a whole new zhoosh going on after our show. 1.00

00:04:38.680 Yeah.

00:04:39.340 She got a whole new zhoosh. 1.00

00:04:42.780 She doesn't seem to agree with this, Shannon.

00:04:44.800 She's like speechless.

00:04:46.820 I think you're ready to date.

00:04:47.860 I mean, you always take it back.

00:04:49.160 Y'all all take it back to mom needs to get some D. 1.00

00:04:53.760 No.

00:04:54.160 I don't think that.

00:04:55.040 You told me I feel ready to start going out again.

00:05:00.720 I think you'd like to hang out with a gentleman.

00:05:02.420 You told me that several times.

00:05:03.540 I said I wouldn't be adverse

00:05:08.800 to some guy

00:05:10.420 who was interesting

00:05:12.960 had some money

00:05:15.940 and that's a huge

00:05:17.020 that's a huge one

00:05:19.740 huge ask

00:05:20.980 huge ask

00:05:22.420 and found me

00:05:26.060 interesting

00:05:28.400 and so charming

00:05:32.000 and bewitching

00:05:33.320 and intelligent and he would uh you know not grovel 0.99

00:05:42.760 but adore you adore yeah and pay for your bill for my shit yeah yeah because i always paid for 0.99

00:05:54.220 guy shit so celebrity that's not the right way to go ladies that is not that is pimps up hose down 1.00

00:06:01.580 celebrity crush 1.00

00:06:03.480 James Brolin

00:06:06.060 what

00:06:07.900 celebrity crush

00:06:09.820 you know on Matchmaker

00:06:12.000 Millionaire Matchmaker

00:06:13.440 what's your celebrity crush

00:06:15.940 and then she tries to find someone

00:06:17.920 like that person

00:06:19.060 James Brolin is married to the

00:06:21.440 I know

00:06:21.940 the queen of the Jews

00:06:25.560 what about

00:06:27.860 Randy Quaid as a type

00:06:30.040 Randy Quaid is happily married

00:06:33.260 to his type

00:06:35.500 yeah but he

00:06:36.580 if he were single he'd be perfect 0.99

00:06:38.480 well he had money until his crazy wife 1.00

00:06:41.160 stole it all 0.96

00:06:41.660 Jake do you want to get sued

00:06:44.180 you better cut that out 0.99

00:06:46.280 Evie knows she's crazy

00:06:48.740 love you Evie

00:06:51.280 you know she's an artiste 0.51

00:06:53.180 and she goes over the edge

00:06:54.960 I have some great text messages

00:06:56.340 what

00:06:58.400 What?

00:06:58.880 I can read my text messages from her on the air.

00:07:01.120 No, don't.

00:07:03.000 She's just very, she's unique.

00:07:06.740 She has lived the life and see what can happen.

00:07:10.920 And so you get a little more aware.

00:07:13.260 That's all.

00:07:13.680 We saw her.

00:07:14.660 Did I show you those pictures of her?

00:07:16.760 Naked, yeah.

00:07:17.300 I mean, her dad was in the KGB, for Christ's sake.

00:07:21.820 Well, anyway, I'm just saying he's tall.

00:07:23.920 He's good looking.

00:07:24.900 He would have money.

00:07:26.320 And they had that.

00:07:27.780 But they're married.

00:07:28.400 They had chemistry, though.

00:07:31.260 Well, that's kind of why I wanted him to be my love interest in the show

00:07:35.660 because, you know, Randy Quaid playing a sheriff

00:07:41.700 who's actually also a deputy and a Texas Ranger

00:07:47.360 and a Green Beret and in Mossad.

00:07:52.280 You don't give it away.

00:07:53.480 Huh?

00:07:54.060 You're giving too much away.

00:07:55.480 Well, I don't know if he's in Mossad.

00:07:57.440 mi6 or octagon he's in some clandestine service and you like those six foot five type guys 0.98

00:08:05.480 you're five three no i'm five one and a half she shrunk i shrunk can you fucking believe that 0.99

00:08:13.220 she really did we were always they said it no i'm shorter now because they said that stomach 0.94

00:08:18.440 operation i had to lose five pounds her bone density is shrinking but she's shrinking i don't 1.00

00:08:25.320 have any bone density what the hell yeah she doesn't get any vitamins can't we get her some 1.00

00:08:30.680 stem cell bone density shit we're working on it we have a good doctor but it turns out um getting 0.98

00:08:36.060 your stomach stapled and just drinking wine for 30 years is not smoking and smoking not good for 0.97

00:08:41.840 your body and no exercise who knew and laying in bed looking at like this this is my laptop like

00:08:48.440 this no she's on the side 14 hours here's the thing is i told her i go can you when

00:08:55.280 you go to bed can you not listen to all that stuff it's so disturbing to your sleep try it

00:09:01.320 i just read a whole thing about binaural beats john thought i meant b-e-e-t-s he goes i'm done

00:09:09.380 with beats i go no it's b-e-a-t-s binaural beats and they're like these sounds that are tranquil

00:09:18.080 and relax you to sleep.

00:09:20.740 Is it something you like down on a computer?

00:09:22.720 It's on YouTube.

00:09:23.740 You can plug in binaural.

00:09:25.780 I want to hear a binaural.

00:09:26.260 B-I-N-A-U-R-A-L, binaural beats. 0.99

00:09:31.300 And it's like frequencies and it's soothing

00:09:35.380 and it stops your mind from stressing.

00:09:39.100 I don't think mom could sleep to that.

00:09:41.460 Is there binaural beats that have like doom scrolling?

00:09:45.120 No, it's just like.

00:09:46.160 485, or I'm wrong because I can't remember.

00:09:50.280 I'm going to listen to one real quick.

00:09:52.120 But that is the frequency of God that they're trying to keep from us.

00:09:57.780 This is binaural beats.

00:09:59.940 I won't play the whole thing just for a second.

00:10:02.200 But see, bells, they arrange your energy and your cells.

00:10:09.700 That's right.

00:10:11.060 Bells equals cells.

00:10:13.080 That's right.

00:10:13.920 There you go.

00:10:14.420 There's a binaural beat.

00:10:14.780 Frequency.

00:10:15.780 Thanks for doing that, J.B.

00:10:17.060 Of course, I like to give the audience an idea.

00:10:19.480 It does sound like you're in a spa.

00:10:21.920 I feel really relaxed. 1.00

00:10:23.020 Yeah, I hate when they play that shit in the spas. 1.00

00:10:25.100 Oh, come on. 1.00

00:10:26.060 What do you want to hear, Metallica?

00:10:27.620 Yeah.

00:10:28.560 She wants to hear, is Israel going to be exploded tomorrow?

00:10:31.880 I never think Israel's going to be exploded.

00:10:34.240 Are you kidding?

00:10:35.320 That's not what the book says.

00:10:38.920 Can I talk about your hair?

00:10:40.960 Well, let's finish that.

00:10:42.420 What, J.?

00:10:43.600 Well, I liked what you were saying about it.

00:10:44.720 She needs to go to sleep without the laptop on because her doctor told her the same thing.

00:10:48.500 My doctor said the same thing.

00:10:50.400 We should have him on.

00:10:52.140 Yes.

00:10:52.460 I hate my doctor. 0.99

00:10:54.260 I hate slash love. 0.99

00:10:56.660 Yeah.

00:10:57.140 No, he's great though.

00:10:58.740 And he, you know, your blood pressure is like through the roof and then it's low and then

00:11:03.500 it's high.

00:11:04.260 Yeah.

00:11:04.460 He's figuring it.

00:11:05.180 He's not a, he's so annoying, but he's a good doctor.

00:11:08.640 He's a, he's from South Korea.

00:11:11.700 Yeah.

00:11:12.540 And guess where he grew up?

00:11:14.720 north in in in salt lake city as a mormon knowing provo as a mormon that was a convert from um

00:11:23.740 was it buddhism or whatever they got yeah yeah that was right you're right

00:11:29.580 yeah and then when he was in utah found out did a dna test found out he's got a lot of jewish dna

00:11:38.840 i go see i know everyone you could have asked me you could have asked me i could have told you

00:11:45.840 you're a doctor obsessed you're a doctor you're obsessed with clinical details that you keep

00:11:53.240 in files and you're always talking about how you have no dating life you're a jew

00:12:02.400 i remember we were in to get your blood drawn and we're like in the lobby because he had to do it

00:12:11.880 all under the radar and he like she goes and my veins are they're not good and he's like i'll get

00:12:18.980 it and he put it in and blood squirted everywhere all over him it splattered across my face like in

00:12:25.700 the show no way i never heard this yeah and i was like and i was like see i don't

00:12:32.900 i went to a racist place right in my mind about the south koreans

00:12:39.540 what's the racist thing about south koreans well i couldn't remember if they were the sneaky ones 1.00

00:12:46.180 that got us at pearl harbor but then i realized that was japan that was japan which we're friends

00:12:53.260 with now it would have been hilarious if you made a japanese joke it is south korean because you

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00:13:12.140 and listen i was this close to trying them until i remembered two things i don't love needles and

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00:15:20.460 so they know i sent you apart that's doubly racist no i can't tell them apart for real

00:15:28.280 um i know a lot of asian people and after you know a lot of them you can start to see the diff 1.00

00:15:34.440 first year like when you're like think everybody's homogenous especially when you're from utah

00:15:39.560 where everybody is homogenous looking because they're all cousins and uh of course so was my

00:15:47.540 family jews all cousins cousins married with incest is best i mean it's just how it is i think 1.00

00:15:54.740 that's why people are screwed up because too much cousins marrying cousins for centuries

00:16:00.740 especially amongst the serfs.

00:16:04.000 No, it's true.

00:16:05.400 As soon as one of the serfs gets 10 extra dollars,

00:16:10.420 he's off looking for strange DNA.

00:16:14.380 Yeah, I guess it might even get away from the family reunion.

00:16:16.620 He's like, I need to prop up this gene pool for humanity's sake. 0.52

00:16:23.260 No, I remember the porn chicks were like, 0.92

00:16:26.780 yeah every guy needs some strange they can't you know f the same person all the time they all need 0.97

00:16:34.880 strange yeah and and i saw a study of cows and the cow that was f and the other cow then they

00:16:44.860 got sick of the same smell and the same look so they had to go to another cow

00:16:49.420 yeah is that a female a bull a cow's a female and a bull yeah the bull but we knew what you 1.00

00:16:57.860 were saying i wasn't gonna correct you yeah yeah well the male animal is designed to scatter his 0.99

00:17:05.080 seeds with about 150 wives right that he owns yeah that's how it was that's why everyone's

00:17:12.040 you know in kansas city every beautiful girl i meet she's in her 40s my husband's cheating

00:17:19.140 on me you know i have three kids every time they're all all these got she find she found um

00:17:27.900 on the tinder no oh that's no she saw on the credit card he was calling all these when he 0.94

00:17:35.720 was traveling what an amateur and he was like calling all these you know hookers you know on 1.00

00:17:43.140 a phone that he knew his wife could see the i guess i don't know that guy's a real genius i

00:17:48.580 I mean, you've got to give him credit for being a real genius.

00:17:52.280 He must watch the forensic files more than me.

00:17:55.640 Sounds like he wanted to get caught, is what it sounds like.

00:17:57.680 It is.

00:17:58.300 Everybody wants to get caught.

00:18:00.320 They want God to catch him, spank him, fix him, and let him back at it.

00:18:06.760 I think you're right.

00:18:07.700 Back at it.

00:18:08.440 Yeah, to do it right.

00:18:09.660 I just had an idea, and I'm not trying to be funny.

00:18:12.040 What?

00:18:12.700 For dating, since you're getting there, warming up to it.

00:18:16.400 Who, me?

00:18:17.320 Yeah.

00:18:17.560 I'd like a conversation with someone my age

00:18:21.000 who's accomplished and has something to talk about

00:18:23.700 I got an idea

00:18:24.400 why don't you write letters in prison to serial killers

00:18:28.060 why would I do that

00:18:29.620 because it's your two favorite things

00:18:31.020 and you don't have to worry about it

00:18:32.680 they're in prison for life

00:18:33.820 you can try and get in their head

00:18:35.260 like the Menendez brothers

00:18:36.720 your three favorite things

00:18:37.580 profiling, pen palling, and it's a man

00:18:41.000 and women write to serial killers all the time 1.00

00:18:43.020 I wouldn't want any of his

00:18:45.540 uh mastercations or whatever you'd call it i thought you'd enjoy this idea no his manipulative 0.99

00:18:52.360 shit i mean i do it as a case study that's what i'm saying you would try and out manipulate him 0.98

00:18:56.420 no i try to catch him because i know how to catch there you go there's a fun hobby right there no i 0.99

00:19:01.920 don't want any of that no she i don't want their serial killer on a nice yeah not a serial killer 1.00

00:19:07.980 all right well okay not like you think the only guys that like me could the only guys that could

00:19:13.140 like me are serial killers.

00:19:14.580 I think I know you better than you know yourself.

00:19:17.100 And I know an hour after we record this,

00:19:18.960 you're going to go, that's not a bad idea.

00:19:20.400 And you're going to start writing the serial killers.

00:19:21.600 No, I'm not.

00:19:22.440 We'll see.

00:19:23.620 I'm writing it down.

00:19:24.300 I'm not that self-destructive.

00:19:26.640 What are they going to do?

00:19:27.380 It's a, you're writing a letter.

00:19:28.560 You're not going to marry them.

00:19:29.600 Okay.

00:19:30.240 I wanted to talk about her hair.

00:19:32.100 But if I fell in love with them and under the devil's sway,

00:19:35.500 which he controls all serial killers.

00:19:38.240 I mean, I wouldn't go up there to the pit where the devil is

00:19:41.820 and taunt him.

00:19:42.840 unlike these pro-Palestinians.

00:19:45.520 All right, then forget it.

00:19:46.400 We'll just pen pal someone.

00:19:47.720 Why don't you pen pal like a world leader

00:19:50.400 or someone you like?

00:19:51.040 Maybe you'll get through it.

00:19:51.680 You're famous.

00:19:52.740 Why don't you do a pen pal thing is what I'm saying.

00:19:54.480 Netanyahu.

00:19:55.080 Yeah.

00:19:56.080 Email.

00:19:56.500 Is he married?

00:19:57.620 Oh, yeah.

00:19:58.300 His wife would tear my eyes out 1.00

00:20:00.120 if I got 20 feet within him.

00:20:01.460 Is she pretty? 1.00

00:20:02.960 I've never seen her.

00:20:03.940 Yeah, let me look her up. 1.00

00:20:04.240 She is.

00:20:04.760 She's an attractive woman, Sarah. 0.70

00:20:07.180 Sarah Netanyahu.

00:20:08.160 I'm going to look her up right now.

00:20:08.960 And she's an attractive Jewish woman 0.97

00:20:10.580 with a very strong spirit that sounds like you oh my god she's hideous don't say that no i mean 1.00

00:20:19.180 you've got a real shot here ma that's his wife oh boy i would never interfere in a marriage 0.98

00:20:27.360 i think he'd want you to she's disgusting oh i would never interfere and i don't want to be 0.89

00:20:32.940 married to bb because i find bb to be um he is um angry wishy-washy oh he really is

00:20:44.300 well you would know and i think i should replace bb as prime minister of israel

00:20:52.300 and president of these united states remember in 2012 i ran for president it was a twofer

00:20:59.200 president of these united states of america and prime minister of israel a twofer i think you'd

00:21:06.220 be a great prime minister of israel for you're damn right i would because i know the history

00:21:11.900 of jerusalem the levant mecca and medina and all of it all the way to abraham come at me 0.98

00:21:25.660 bees bees i didn't want to swear can i want to yeah let's get our hair now oh yeah talk about

00:21:35.140 my okay okay so i told you shannon i can't stand my hair it's all extensions and they're all shown

00:21:44.020 and they're all haywire and uh they're tearing my they're just driving me crazy and i'm sick 0.96

00:21:51.200 of being blonde when i saw myself in this show i'm like bitch you are over being blonde look at 1.00

00:22:00.240 you what did you call it patriot or no what uh what did you call being blonde uh like the queen 0.99

00:22:08.560 and king uh the word you use not patriarchal

00:22:13.700 oh well anyway you said i don't want it anymore so she pulled all her hair extensions out yeah

00:22:22.940 and cut her own hair oh you got an ant like a flint did that i saw ash okay anyway and so then

00:22:31.480 the next so she had long blonde hair to her shoulders and then the next time i saw her 1.00

00:22:36.120 she looked like this she cut her own hair and it's cute and i'm loving it i'm loving it everyone

00:22:44.020 was so concerned in the family that i told them i cut off everything blonde because i was like 0.99

00:22:50.620 i am no longer blonde i am gray as a friggin toadstool well i'm gonna reclaim my right 0.92

00:23:00.620 as a woman of gray hood the white is cute around the front 1.00

00:23:06.280 and that's i think i look francaise yeah you do very francaise very trey chic well didn't we have

00:23:18.420 a ball doing this show honey oh god um we had to get up every morning like at 5 a.m well let's

00:23:26.520 catch people up you came out we did we did our show December you came out where mom's I said

00:23:32.520 Shannon I can't do this show without you and I just got the money so you have to do it you have

00:23:40.620 to do it and mind you I came out of retirement because I only worked like one or two days a week

00:23:45.980 this was 60 hours a week that I hadn't worked in years like that and you haven't either we didn't

00:23:54.080 worked that hard on the roseanne reboot i know no these were long days these were long days

00:24:00.040 every weekend we're in a new airbnb packing our shit up packing the food up going somewhere else

00:24:09.400 everyone else had the weekend off saturday we were packing and moving yeah unpacking sunday

00:24:17.860 head off monday 5 a.m i'd wake her up honey honey wake up and she'd go 1.00

00:24:25.260 every morning it would be something different she'd go a monster like she would just do 0.99

00:24:34.540 something wacky every single morning or you know or not like she'd just be jostled and scared

00:24:43.940 yeah well she wasn't i mean she was going to bed late and then i never got any rest that's why

00:24:49.180 these dark patches under my eyes they have grown deep and wide i never got any sleep

00:24:56.640 no they are i saw myself and i got these dark like old lady not that some concealer can't cover

00:25:05.660 really it cosmetic concealer with serum i want to get that chris uh fairchild what's their name

00:25:13.640 the Kauffmans

00:25:16.160 Kardashian?

00:25:17.800 Yeah.

00:25:19.040 Kauffman?

00:25:20.780 Not one letter of it is good.

00:25:22.940 Kris Kardashian.

00:25:24.260 No, is that her name?

00:25:25.140 Kris Jenner.

00:25:25.780 Kris Jenner Kardashian.

00:25:27.200 She's still, she's not a Jenner anymore, is she?

00:25:28.960 No, the Kardashian family.

00:25:32.280 You know,

00:25:33.620 I want to get the facelift that

00:25:35.720 she got.

00:25:37.700 She looks like one of her kids now.

00:25:40.800 Doesn't she?

00:25:41.580 Yeah.

00:25:41.800 she's adorable with that face yeah she just and her haircut is she can have the french 1.00

00:25:47.860 let me look short french cut because women always say women they get work look good and they never 1.00

00:25:52.880 do no she looks good honey i heard she went to south korea because that's where you've got to 0.83

00:26:01.960 go to get the ponytail facelift right and it was 150k that's not bad um i mean she doesn't look

00:26:12.340 like a cat lady but it's definitely i think she looks good terrifying i want one of those pink 1.00

00:26:19.520 ponytail facelifts i want you to do it but this doctor says i have to go get my heart checked out

00:26:26.540 because it's damaged so now i'm so pissed because i'm like i need a new doctor no he's always

00:26:33.700 sending me to other doctors to check me out and i'm like why do i have to go find something wrong

00:26:39.400 when nothing's wrong and then get in shape just so i can have surgery and die on the surgery table

00:26:45.460 well i mean it doesn't make any sense i would rather not get ready for any sort of surgery

00:26:52.580 ever again in my life and just you know get a heart attack or a stroke and then just be

00:26:59.780 put into the uh home what do they call that place hospice yeah that is the life living in the

00:27:09.280 hospice no that's where your god that is where life is worth living i've seen it my sister and

00:27:17.060 brother i'm my mom gay were uh hospice care workers for the gay community and uh you know

00:27:25.860 what those hospitals great is it is hospice great i've never heard this before

00:27:32.820 it was the greatest thing ever and that's where i want to go don't be so to hospice

00:27:38.800 no you don't oh it does sound pretty awesome i'm not gonna know i mean you are on a morphine

00:27:44.600 that's what she's talking about hello that's so you that's all i want and they just make you 1.00

00:27:50.500 comfortable they change your diaper they know you're dying and they give you morphine i remember

00:27:56.020 my grandfather screaming from pancreatic cancer i need a shot and them saying no you gotta wait

00:28:04.300 another hour and i would just cry and i would say when i'm a huge sitcom star

00:28:12.860 and have my own podcast

00:28:14.960 I'm going to tell the world

00:28:17.140 that when you're 0.99

00:28:18.900 friggin dying 0.93

00:28:20.000 pump up the

00:28:21.920 pump up the volume

00:28:24.180 why not

00:28:26.960 animals

00:28:28.120 no my mom was

00:28:30.960 people without empathy

00:28:32.860 saying you can't have another

00:28:35.040 morphine shot

00:28:36.160 you can't have another morphine shot

00:28:39.180 though you're dying in

00:28:40.960 agony because it goes against our scheduling insurance. I am so glad that Trump has

00:28:48.900 ruined the insurance companies and we can be free of insurance men. Oh my God, that's what it was

00:28:58.840 all about was insurance men and the insurance industrial complex where you say, I'm going to

00:29:06.580 put everything on the fact that i'm never gonna die how do we get on that from your hair i don't

00:29:15.240 know the roseanne bar podcast there's no okay so anyway my hair yeah oh no and so like that show

00:29:26.260 was really fun like when i when we were in it i was like oh my god when five i would have to get

00:29:32.480 up at four if you had to get up at five and i would just be like oh my god i can't even handle

00:29:39.240 this but then i look back on it and now i'm looking at the shows you're you know you're

00:29:45.860 showing me the clips and stuff and it's so great and it was so fun but like those hours and like

00:29:53.460 some days it was windy and and freezing freezing she'd be out there i got the cedar flu the texas 0.98

00:30:01.020 flu the allergies lost my voice lost her voice sick as a dog but still fucking hung in there 1.00

00:30:09.220 bitch yeah you were had to you were amazing and the show's i mean the show is hilarious 0.99

00:30:14.300 the acting dre de mateo randy quaid um um indy bug mario gooding and indy bug 0.96

00:30:24.980 what isn't his name mario omar omar i'm sorry i'm sorry omar gooding

00:30:33.720 just bleep that out omar gooding cuba gooding jr's brother that's so great

00:30:39.760 and indie great comic actor yeah facial expressions everything so funny um just a great

00:30:46.980 indie bug how great was doug jones doug jones oh my god crazy evie got us doug jones

00:30:54.780 Evie, Randy Quaid's wife, got... 1.00

00:30:57.900 Yeah, we have to give a shout out to Evie. 0.98

00:30:59.960 She bought us a lot of good stuff.

00:31:01.620 She, or Doug, was in Pan's Labyrinth.

00:31:06.440 He was like the thin man with the eyes and the hands.

00:31:10.040 And he was the fish in The Color of Water.

00:31:13.020 No, he's a famous character actor.

00:31:15.500 Not The Color of Water.

00:31:16.880 What is it called?

00:31:18.340 Shape of Water.

00:31:19.180 Shape of Water.

00:31:19.980 He was in Hellboy.

00:31:21.840 Hellboy, yeah.

00:31:22.680 He's kind of a great...

00:31:23.500 He's like 6'5", 110 pounds. 0.99

00:31:26.660 But he's on that fucking vampire show now that's so funny. 1.00

00:31:30.260 What we see in the dark. 1.00

00:31:30.940 He can play a great vampire.

00:31:32.480 He's brilliant.

00:31:33.440 I loved how he moved his head in that one scene.

00:31:35.780 Yeah. 0.98

00:31:38.120 He's so fucking good. 0.83

00:31:39.920 Everyone was great in this. 0.99

00:31:41.020 And you dropped all kinds of little Easter eggs for all your fans with the red shoes.

00:31:49.100 Yeah, there's some Q quotients in there.

00:31:51.780 Don't give any more of those away.

00:31:53.500 I won't.

00:31:54.580 I'm here to police the talk.

00:31:55.500 There's some jokes for the Q folks. 0.98

00:31:57.940 That rhymes.

00:31:58.820 Yeah.

00:31:58.980 And some jokes for a lot of jokes for the left.

00:32:07.540 You may have seen the conversations happening online lately.

00:32:10.740 Censorship is back and it's happening everywhere.

00:32:13.480 Platforms are controlling narratives and pushing the stuff they want us to see.

00:32:17.180 We need to fight back.

00:32:18.940 Rumble is the only company that has stood the test of time and deserves our support.

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00:32:34.600 Banks can cancel our accounts and freeze our cards.

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00:32:51.080 And with Rumble Wallet, you control your money, not a bank, not a government, not a tech company, not even Rumble can touch it.

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00:33:37.440 There's no fees. When you tip my channel or others, we will actually receive the tip instantly,

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00:33:50.200 by clicking the tip button on my Rumble channel. It's wallet.rumble.com. Download Rumble Wallet

00:33:59.320 today open an account and step away from the big banks for good wallet.rumble.com or search rumble

00:34:08.320 wallet in the app stores but of course they're the butt of them but i'm waiting to see if they

00:34:14.000 like that i think they eventually will like being the butt of the jokes well you also kind of make

00:34:20.460 yourself a butt of a joke a couple times it's self-effacing here and there with the conspiracy

00:34:24.280 because we're all the butt of this huge and i just want to give a shout out to the crew

00:34:29.000 yeah best crew can we say tony was in it mm-hmm tony hinchcliffe no oh we can't

00:34:36.840 he's we can't he's standing i mean it's just a small part he's not in it yeah episode yeah

00:34:43.480 um he's great um and the crew like covey our wardrobe guy and olivia and peter pk

00:34:53.880 yeah no what's his last name kowalski the people kowalski alan cober alan steven um

00:35:00.720 the show's so fucking good the crew was just like 0.58

00:35:05.060 matt matt our props guy he was great a lot of great yeah great stuff will rimmer the ad 0.91

00:35:15.060 i wonder if his baby's born yet i don't know i just feel bad because i called him

00:35:23.680 mike rimmer the last time we talked about him i felt so guilty no and that's okay does he know

00:35:29.880 we only hired him because his name was remember yeah i told him that in the job interview okay

00:35:33.720 good i interviewed him because we thought we'd get some good jokes off that little did we know

00:35:38.580 he was multi-talented sometimes you get lucky you hire how about when he went off on me for uh

00:35:44.120 he yelled at her big time a couple times yeah he was not playing he had to uh he yelled at

00:35:53.120 sondra too he wasn't his job is he's also he's safety well yeah and you mom got in a golf cart

00:35:59.700 and we had a stunt driver and like you're gonna drive four feet and she's like we took off like

00:36:03.780 well i wanted to show him i'm better than any he almost killed the crew they freaked out he

00:36:09.880 screamed at mom i've i've i said i didn't hit anyone you'll notice he said yeah because we

00:36:15.260 jumped out of the way that's what he said well i knew they would jump out of the way

00:36:19.660 I know, but they thought you were going to stop.

00:36:24.340 No, that's why they had the last minute.

00:36:27.200 That was the joke.

00:36:29.020 See, it's just like my dad.

00:36:30.680 It's going too far.

00:36:31.860 Liz, there was Kyle and Liz, our handlers,

00:36:37.180 and Liz was like, we kept thinking she was going to stop.

00:36:41.880 You know, that's what my Uncle Larry used to say.

00:36:44.960 You know what thought, Dad?

00:36:47.020 What?

00:36:47.920 He tells when we were kids. 0.78

00:36:49.660 uh one time i thought i only had to fart but i shit my pants wise words because that's what 0.64

00:36:59.040 thought gets you my favorite part of that go-kart experience was cover came up to me he's like you

00:37:03.300 gotta go tell your mom she can't do that she can't get on it and me and alan steven were there 0.98

00:37:07.340 and we're like okay yeah i'll go tell mom not to do something you fucking amateur like you don't 0.97

00:37:12.860 know what you're doing covert you're new here if i go tell her no she's gonna get right back on and 0.98

00:37:18.100 then she's gonna drive over people and he's like no she needs to understand there's insurance stuff

00:37:22.400 and me and alan just giggled we were shoulder to shoulder me and alan's dude laughed for like 15

00:37:27.260 minutes we're like go tell her covert go tell her not to do it i'm sure she'll listen i said the

00:37:32.640 best thing you can do is just joke yeah let her know she got a laugh and she'll calm down and it

00:37:37.200 worked she's like your daughter noemi yeah they have oppositional disorder if you say no she's 1.00

00:37:45.600 gonna do it i know but i should have some control over that be yourself impulse since i'm 73 you're

00:37:52.940 great i should be older than two i'm still stuck at two and i'm wearing diapers that proves it 0.96

00:38:00.200 full circle they need to stop being so fucking like uptight remember the can i talk about the 0.99

00:38:05.200 wedding this weekend i was just gonna say that psychic i didn't mom is such a nobody i know but 1.00

00:38:13.200 i slowed down to like four mph i agree i'm with you okay if you can't figure out somebody's still 1.00

00:38:20.960 coming at four mph and you got to jump out to complete the joke then you're a fucking 0.99

00:38:27.240 a retard and a narcissist self-obsessed with magical thinking this is why i love my mom so 1.00

00:38:35.160 we had a wedding this weekend and mom was nice enough to attend it was my sister-in-law's 0.84

00:38:39.820 it was a lovely it was a lovely so at the end of the night we're packing up and i told i thought

00:38:44.420 there'd be a fistfight or two but there was none i told the crew and they're packing up i was like

00:38:48.600 was it good and they're like yeah and i was like what do you mean they're like well i said were we

00:38:53.080 not good and she's like no you guys were pretty good pretty ready one person at your wedding got 0.99

00:38:57.200 physical and i was like who the fuck would do that she's like some old lady touched me in the 1.00

00:39:03.520 arm and she's like shut up gentile i'll do what i want i was like oh god i was there when that 0.99

00:39:09.600 happened she was in the next room i never touched her no she never touched her she said she grabbed

00:39:16.120 her on the upper arm no no no are you kidding i swear to god total lie and i waited till she left 1.00

00:39:22.520 the room but did you call her a gentile though because she she did say that you called her

00:39:26.340 which there's no way she called her what a gentile no gentile's gonna tell me what to do

00:39:31.100 yeah she told me ma'am you must remove yourself from the bridal chamber because the bride is 1.00

00:39:37.680 coming in here to get dressed and finally prepped and spackled and i said well i'm i happen to be in

00:39:46.040 the bride bride's family and i've been in here with her and was assured i could be in this

00:39:51.740 place because it's kind of a safe place

00:39:53.880 for me yeah that's true she had no idea

00:39:55.500 she didn't know you were a celebrity

00:39:57.180 well then she acted like 1.00

00:39:59.600 I did not say that

00:40:01.440 I go in other words 0.99

00:40:03.560 bitch I paid for this 1.00

00:40:05.680 whole soiree 1.00

00:40:07.120 and I'm not leaving the room

00:40:09.420 and I did not pay for it that was a dirty lie

00:40:11.820 and I ask God to forgive me

00:40:13.640 but I was taken by the passion of the moment

00:40:15.820 so anyway

00:40:16.720 she

00:40:18.440 she goes no 0.85

00:40:20.420 the bride i go no the bride loves me and she knows i have to have a dressing room

00:40:27.040 because as i when i phoned the bride the morning of her wedding

00:40:32.060 jake you were there i phoned the bride and i said congratulations on the happiest day of your life

00:40:39.800 that's beautiful and she said thank you and i said one problem

00:40:44.860 she goes what and i said it's never a kind thing when

00:40:56.900 a guest at the wedding overshadows the bride

00:41:03.700 but i'm afraid it's gonna i'm afraid it is going to happen

00:41:11.520 and she said oh granny you always you always outshine everybody so we're used to it and i 0.64

00:41:19.540 said well my question is do you need me to come down the aisle before you i never heard any of

00:41:28.500 i didn't know that or after are you making this up we just laughed annie's the best but uh so i

00:41:35.620 was in that mood you know where i act like the snooty lady from beverly hills that character

00:41:40.780 yeah i saw that and i do it for my fans and friends that are in the i go i've never why i've

00:41:49.280 never how dare you how dare you assume and uh oh and then we got so she was walking i said no i'm

00:41:58.260 going to stay here and i'm part of the bridal family and so you know be on with your way

00:42:07.460 and so she goes you're going to have to leave as she's walking out the door 0.55

00:42:13.580 you're going to have to leave ma'am and so i improperly she went after i said i but i thought 1.00

00:42:26.660 you know she'd only hear it outside the door and uh since it was a jewish wedding half half jewish

00:42:36.240 wedding i remarked i remarked i don't listen to gentiles this is why we've been kicked out 1.00

00:42:47.880 and i said she's jewish and then i found out she's jewish yeah she was very upset when she

00:42:54.680 talked to us well she was too jewish for me oh i'm too jewish for jewish america but that broad 0.99

00:43:01.000 was too jewish for me arrogant i mean are you serious you can't make an exception for someone

00:43:10.860 of my uh well she had no idea because even when she told me she said one of the guests

00:43:15.800 an older lady an old lady she said oh broad grabbed me and said i never grabbed her shannon 0.88

00:43:23.040 you were there i was there the entire time i was at the makeup table never touched that chick 1.00

00:43:28.580 and let me say we got caught smoking pot yeah i didn't even get that yet that's why she came 1.00

00:43:34.420 in oh yeah she tried to turn us into the police the police were there then i had to go smooth

00:43:40.320 things over and talk pot is illegal i was well we were outside watching no we were outside and

00:43:48.020 then the door blew open and it wafted in and then no the whole place smelled like weed i went in

00:43:53.220 there to check you guys and it's like it smells like weed in here and and josh's mom was like

00:43:56.660 that's what i'm saying so apparently there was a whole conference you two have no idea how bad

00:44:01.900 the smell is so then i go to airbnbs with you guys and it smells like smoke and i'm like it

00:44:05.940 smells like smoke in here and you're both like no it doesn't we did it for breeze i'm like it

00:44:09.720 smells like smoke i'm not lying it's i smell it and then you get a then you get a cleaning fee

00:44:13.720 from airbnb and you're both like they're crazy get any any recent ones well the weed at the

00:44:19.320 wedding on saturday everyone smelled it in the bridal shower not outside i know so i said to

00:44:24.540 you didn't smoke inside it i told her i go i'm sorry we were on the porch and the door blew

00:44:30.700 open and it wafted inside she goes it's okay that's nice and i i profusely apologize and

00:44:37.180 try you were great you've been mom's handler for a long time and you know i go up and clean her

00:44:42.080 her messes but i love that when she's like once like presented gracious you're off the mic

00:44:49.060 She does present a gracious image of me.

00:44:53.360 Yeah.

00:44:53.940 But I am pretty nice.

00:44:56.860 When you yelled at us.

00:44:57.720 Aren't I really nice?

00:44:58.700 Yes.

00:44:59.120 No, you were 98% a doll on that show.

00:45:04.880 And like I was kind of worried.

00:45:07.560 But the only one time that Sandra went in front of the bull 1.00

00:45:11.960 and they go, don't, you shouldn't go in front of the bull.

00:45:15.020 And then you go, Sandra, don't you know?

00:45:18.240 and you yelled at her and then she got all pissed off and but you were joking

00:45:23.700 yeah and see they don't know i said sandra have you no idea of your

00:45:28.140 surroundings yeah with a live bull right in front of your face and then that was

00:45:34.500 and then sandra was steaming then i told her sandra steaming then she went over

00:45:40.980 and said sandra i was just joking i'm sorry you're so much better you know

00:45:44.760 And when Sandra came to me, I was like, 0.97

00:45:46.700 she's like, your mom fucking yelled at me. 1.00

00:45:48.020 I was like, yeah. 0.99

00:45:50.400 And she's like, I don't need to be talked to like that.

00:45:51.940 I go, you must be new here.

00:45:54.020 That's what I said.

00:45:55.100 Like, you're not used to this?

00:45:56.580 This is like, this is how it is.

00:45:59.000 She's very nice.

00:45:59.740 She was joking.

00:46:00.960 And she's like, no, I know when someone's joking.

00:46:02.600 I go, obviously you don't.

00:46:03.700 Because she jokes with this, the whole crew like this all day long.

00:46:07.300 Look how she is with Covert.

00:46:08.620 And she freaked out.

00:46:09.380 And then two weeks later, when she finally saw it, I go, do you believe me now?

00:46:12.640 She goes, yeah, I get your mom now.

00:46:13.840 she'll react well i have to play the part of the diva or they won't respect me so i have to go

00:46:21.040 how dare you address me in such a way well they all laugh because you know they know

00:46:26.380 i'm making a joke of it but it's kind of true it is kind of true you don't come up here and 0.99

00:46:32.080 call me a fat bitch while i'm doing no you've earned it i'm with you did so great i just want 1.00

00:46:37.880 to say like we would be running lines she'd be learning her lines oh my god writing her lines 1.00

00:46:45.660 on her hand had a piece of paper she had to have like a sex scene kissing oh my god it was so 0.99

00:46:53.980 traumatic because i haven't uh done that type of company of a man i haven't been in male company 0.91

00:47:02.480 for a decade or more no i don't know how long she said male well johnny she said male

00:47:10.320 but i haven't um it's been about 10 years or more since i've had i mean you had to make out

00:47:23.100 with randy sexual contact well they were like kissing and grabbing i know but she rode on top 1.00

00:47:29.800 of him yeah yeah it was something else i had oh my god i cannot even believe that i did all that

00:47:37.600 she got that i was like well you know you gotta sell it yeah high and drunk thanks to shannon

00:47:45.860 tell about how many tell about my special water oh yeah i had the arrow

00:47:54.020 Can we not talk about this, Jake?

00:47:55.820 You can talk about this because we all knew.

00:47:58.200 The arrow had water bottle.

00:48:02.800 My favorite is when you guys would go,

00:48:04.740 we're going to have a water and you go in the room

00:48:07.100 and you come out and you both smell like vodka.

00:48:10.120 We all knew.

00:48:11.100 We had our smoky and our drinky.

00:48:15.180 She had to do what she had to do to cope.

00:48:17.940 I think it's weird that people get weird about it.

00:48:20.480 They have to, though.

00:48:21.300 they have to it's all about if insurance finds out that they're now culpable so well i'm so happy

00:48:27.960 that trump has eradicated the insurance i hope so bacterium the mind of lloyds of london and the whole

00:48:37.020 uh empire i mean trump is way too smart honey what's he doing i'm looking it up i don't know

00:48:47.100 what you're talking about well he's taking i'm remaking the world no i know the iran stuff but

00:48:53.320 what's the insurance thing yeah i don't know the lloyds of london said they were going to cut off

00:48:58.260 insurance of the straight of hormuz oh and not allow any uh maritime travel upon such because

00:49:06.960 of the bombing of iran because iran's in control of the straight of hormon and so brit britain

00:49:14.600 because iran is their money laundering system with the mullahs there um 0.74

00:49:21.840 they said we're on iran's side is pretty much what they said and so trump said we don't need

00:49:32.760 your insurance i'll insure it myself and i said yeah paint it gold with a big t on it yeah

00:49:40.580 I call it Trump's Hormuz

00:49:43.380 Straight

00:49:43.920 I love it

00:49:46.260 it's so genius

00:49:47.500 I mean it is baller to the max

00:49:50.720 it is baller

00:49:51.760 it's beyond gangsta

00:49:54.440 it's what everybody in the world

00:49:57.380 wishes they could do

00:49:59.380 it's crazy that a war

00:50:01.300 always comes down to ports and insurance 1.00

00:50:03.660 it's like always the wrong shit 0.99

00:50:05.400 everything comes down to 0.99

00:50:07.520 insurance

00:50:08.020 It is.

00:50:08.720 And Trump said that. 1.00

00:50:09.800 Look at Obamacare and all the other shit. 1.00

00:50:12.080 Oh, God. 1.00

00:50:12.940 Instead of giving us, like, you know,

00:50:15.720 some form of decent health care for the public taxes we pay,

00:50:20.500 taxes the public pays, the taxpayer, 0.93

00:50:24.100 they gave it to the frigging insurance company. 0.96

00:50:27.020 Like, you break your arm, first call is to the insurance company, 0.98

00:50:30.220 not the doctor, not the hospital. 0.97

00:50:32.680 I mean, they've inserted themselves like parasites in every aspect of our health care system. 0.84

00:50:40.840 And it's largely run by... 1.00

00:50:43.680 It's Jews? 1.00

00:50:44.540 No, it's not Jews. 0.81

00:50:46.180 All right.

00:50:46.880 It's not Jews. 1.00

00:50:48.520 It's largely Catholic charities, NGOs.

00:50:52.720 When we lived in L.A., me and John did not have health insurance.

00:50:58.440 Thank God we had it when he had the triple bypass. 0.88

00:51:01.340 ass but um no i didn't have health insurance for probably 15 years i paid out of pocket for a gyno 0.97

00:51:09.940 exam when i broke my arm look at this oh my god look at that elbow they wired it together some 0.96

00:51:17.380 janky thing in the la you know general or whatever like there's blood on the floor

00:51:24.480 you know and i just had a local in my arm and they you know they put me up but it's like i

00:51:32.520 couldn't afford the insurance you know yeah it's tough and now i'm on the medicare so that's isn't

00:51:39.520 medicare the greatest thing in the world thing ever i saw these signs up on the road it says

00:51:44.800 yeah uh save medicare yeah vote democrat i know which is the exact opposite of the truth

00:51:51.700 i was slack jawed and uh i got it says pay for by democrats they're the ones that want medicare

00:51:59.980 to give to the illegals yeah like they gave all the other money to the illegals and you know the

00:52:07.480 illegals are just their stormtroopers and their votes because no americans gonna vote for their 1.00

00:52:14.640 bullshit and totally you know they're fucking ukraine horse shit it's so funny on the news 1.00

00:52:21.720 because we just traveled from texas because we're you know we came for the wedding and we came to 1.00

00:52:28.580 look at houses here and we love it here we're all about texas it's the best it's the best place

00:52:34.740 isn't it great it's so great and the weather oh the weather is so great it's gonna get really

00:52:40.100 hot though i know but we like the heat yeah and um and like they oh you like the heat oh let's

00:52:48.420 talk about being a hot-blooded babe like you were when you was posing in your sex clothes for your 1.00

00:52:54.920 husband can we please tell that story it's the greatest one ever that you've ever done

00:53:00.480 okay um let me just finish the thing where they said on the news get to the airport three hours 0.84

00:53:07.540 ahead because tsa no one's there and you're gonna get you know it's all bullshit yeah everything 0.91

00:53:14.440 was fine here and in kansas city there is no problem the news is just like oh this guy is 0.96

00:53:21.440 fine okay so me and my husband have sexy saturday night then we have sunday fun day so sunday fun

00:53:31.740 is also sexual day yes okay poor guy has to do it well i thought maybe it was like you guys watch tv

00:53:40.020 or something sunday well they do all kinds of things if there's football on we have to either

00:53:44.600 do before the game that's great okay yeah that's football cuts into it but anyway so i had like a

00:53:55.600 dark wig on and a blazer i was like a sexy secretary with heels and pantyhose and the

00:54:02.780 whole schmear well usually because we have 13 stairs because i counted them after that

00:54:09.380 13 stairs unlucky 13 and so he's usually off uh-oh do you need that no it's fine he's usually

00:54:18.800 off to the side in the kitchen he doesn't see me till i walk down the stairs and i present my

00:54:23.700 outfit and he's like oh yay you know well this some odd way he was at the bottom of the stairs

00:54:31.700 looking up at me and i thought oh i can't like hang on to the railing like some old lady i've 0.99

00:54:38.880 got to walk like sexy down the stairs and i had like little heels on and like the top step i went

00:54:48.160 down the second step and my

00:54:50.240 heel kind of caught in the carpeting

00:54:52.140 and you know like I

00:54:54.140 told her thank god I had

00:54:56.140 a couple drinks in me

00:54:58.120 I told you this

00:54:59.720 no I've never heard this you're kidding

00:55:01.680 no listen no listen

00:55:03.560 tell

00:55:04.060 what are you wearing a sexy outfit 0.51

00:55:07.820 I said like a sexy secretary 0.96

00:55:09.980 I got a blazer

00:55:11.500 a short skirt

00:55:13.380 pantyhose and little heels 0.86

00:55:15.680 and a black wig

00:55:17.660 a bob and so when he's looking at me like i'm trying to act all sexy and thank god i had a

00:55:25.620 couple drinks in me because you know when i told her when the drunk driver hits the family of five

00:55:31.780 and they wipe out and the drunk driver survives because he's loose and he's all like so i because

00:55:39.640 i had a couple drinks and smoke in me i fell on the second step up 12 steps down on carpeted

00:55:49.720 like on carpeted or did you roll on carpet on carpet okay did you tumble and roll or just go 0.96

00:55:55.960 down your butt when it was happening i was thinking just roll with it relax just go with it 0.86

00:56:05.700 just go with it you know all the way down yoga are you going head over foot or anything just like 0.99

00:56:12.920 this my water bottle i was holding was squished and damaged because i kept holding that and john's

00:56:20.380 watching this whole time he was what so then i land and i'm laying there like in the wig and the

00:56:27.060 whole schmear did the wig stay on yeah wow of course i'm a hairdresser and i had it pinned on

00:56:35.800 so i'm laying there like and he's like oh my god are you okay and our dog was looking traumatized

00:56:44.740 because you know she always whenever i'm moving around she always runs away because she thinks 0.93

00:56:50.600 i'm going to trip on her well you do trip on everything i do i did trip yeah you fell a bunch

00:56:55.740 times i did on the show yeah you had to have workman's gone over the dolly truck she fell

00:57:00.580 so i'm laying there and he's like are you okay oh my god you know and i'm laying there like a

00:57:06.640 crime scene like you know and then i go i think so and then he goes wow what a boner kill

00:57:16.240 i was wondering if he was still gonna try and get laid no he did then i'm like i'm okay you know and

00:57:23.840 I stood up but my shoulder that was a week ago yesterday it still kind of hurts I couldn't I mean

00:57:30.320 the next day I was sore but that night I felt fine and it's true thank god you were drunk it's true

00:57:36.580 I mean he goes you know you were drinking and you've no my heel kind of caught in the carpet

00:57:43.900 and I didn't hang on the railing which I usually do you're trying to be sexy right I didn't want

00:57:49.380 And I'd be all like, oh, like, down the railing.

00:57:52.600 And the chair's.

00:57:55.080 The chair's.

00:57:56.660 I need the chair descending down the stairs.

00:58:01.040 But there's something to it.

00:58:02.240 You're a sexy outfit.

00:58:03.700 Well, I'm glad you still put out.

00:58:05.340 Because I was going to say, that would be really sad for John.

00:58:07.240 No, I'm a trooper.

00:58:08.680 Good girl.

00:58:09.580 You did the right thing.

00:58:10.180 So there was that. 0.99

00:58:11.020 See, there's that kind of shit where I think I would date someone 0.99

00:58:14.200 and then I'm like, never. 1.00

00:58:16.420 Yeah, because you still have to have sex after falling down the stairs. 0.96

00:58:18.720 you couldn't do that no but i could see you i mean you still have to have sex i could see you 1.00

00:58:23.880 having a companion i think he'd have to be a gay guy because well they don't want any sex there's 1.00

00:58:31.480 older guys that can't get it up that would be perfect then you don't have to that's what you 0.97

00:58:38.220 do start searching for men with prostate cancer an impotent guy yeah he's probably a database we

00:58:44.660 could have your doctor but then they'd have psychological damage i feel no maybe they just

00:58:53.360 want to have fun and travel and have a companion no when my dad went on yeah like i said no no he

00:58:59.120 dad had to go on estrogen when he had the prostate cancer yeah and he couldn't get he said it was the

00:59:04.340 best thing ever he was finally free of testosterone and he voted really democrat yeah true story no

00:59:10.760 but that's why because dad used to be right wing he did but he's back on testosterone now i'm

00:59:16.140 wondering if maybe that's changed his politics but it is true so they gave him estrogen to

00:59:20.120 because it shrinks the tumor our brother you find a guy with prostate cancer who's in like

00:59:26.140 chemo treatment he might not be able to get a boner and might not even care about it because

00:59:30.760 he's basically right he's like a woman and he's not gay and they cry kind of like yeah they're 0.99

00:59:35.960 They're basically like a girly man, but they're not gay. 0.94

00:59:39.420 They're still straight.

00:59:40.400 No, they're not gay.

00:59:41.000 Yeah, but they still want to be nursed, and I can't do that. 1.00

00:59:45.660 Where the woman has to nurture the son of a bitch. 1.00

00:59:49.000 You want to be nursed. 1.00

00:59:50.280 Oh, you want to be nursed.

00:59:51.420 All right, so you got to get a guy with like a survivor complex.

00:59:56.020 A what?

00:59:56.660 There's guys that want to take care of like a...

00:59:59.040 Oh, I can't say his name.

01:00:00.980 We were just talking about this earlier.

01:00:02.200 Our friend who was at the wedding, who's a doctor.

01:00:05.960 and his wife got injured and i'm like oh he likes to take care of people yeah well that's nice that's

01:00:11.480 right so you can a caretaker caretaker yeah like ed gein yeah but then they'll always you know

01:00:19.160 they'll always turn on you i just don't trust any man because i think they always turn on you

01:00:25.160 don't say that it's true they all do huh feeder a feeder i thought about a feeder but i don't

01:00:32.280 don't want to be fat no when I was fat I thought if I could only meet the right feeder I'm over

01:00:41.000 that now was Tom a feeder no he was feeding himself he was an eater and you could like 0.99

01:00:52.620 catch some of the fallout the crumbs yeah yeah no fucking guy could eat like a I mean a pig 0.99

01:01:01.960 yeah i remember he could eat like a dang pig do you want to go what no i was just asking what 0.99

01:01:08.540 i'm here for the long haul don't worry about me it's good are we an hour not yet 0.75

01:01:14.740 we're like 50 minutes why are you trying to beg out of this no no i just want to know how much 0.95

01:01:20.560 more laughter and we haven't even got into the good shit yet what i don't know let's see fell 0.95

01:01:27.720 down the stairs and fall down the stairs is that the great i mean i felt bad for her but it's so 0.94

01:01:33.720 shannon a thing to do it's the funniest story though i thought afterwards this will be a funny

01:01:39.560 story well yeah i mean trying to be sexy and falling is hilarious it's so funny i can just

01:01:45.620 see him looking up at me adoringly and i'm trying to look sexy and then kaboom that's what he said

01:01:53.360 said it was unstoppable like an avalanche and he didn't know what to do there was nothing he could

01:02:00.140 do but watch i wonder what that looked like i think he said some rosaries on you i do he said

01:02:07.960 some prayers he said please god don't let her break her neck and be paralyzed and then i have

01:02:14.600 to put up with her no and then he goes and then he goes all i kept thinking is what if she's

01:02:20.500 passed out and broke her neck

01:02:22.160 and I have to call an ambulance

01:02:23.380 and she's dressed like that.

01:02:28.660 And the wig and the whole thing.

01:02:30.880 That's hilarious.

01:02:31.960 Oh my God.

01:02:33.700 I had like a rhinestone tie on

01:02:36.800 with a blazer.

01:02:38.600 Do you buy these outfits

01:02:40.220 for Saturday night and Sunday fun day

01:02:42.060 or do you already have them?

01:02:43.520 She already has them.

01:02:45.340 Both.

01:02:46.340 Do you have themes?

01:02:47.340 Is it always dress up?

01:02:48.340 I'm so curious.

01:02:48.800 She's always done that

01:02:49.660 With all her boyfriends before she married John, her true love.

01:02:54.300 You like the role play.

01:02:55.020 I've seen her through a lot of boyfriends.

01:02:57.200 Should I not say that?

01:02:58.360 No, you can say whatever you want.

01:03:00.060 And she always does the karaoke slash strip tease. 1.00

01:03:08.060 I don't do a strip tease. 0.75

01:03:09.080 Well, whatever it is.

01:03:10.180 It's kind of a sexy show.

01:03:12.320 Burlesque or something.

01:03:14.020 Yeah.

01:03:14.280 Yeah, you've always done that with all your boyfriends.

01:03:16.880 and i would just be in awe going oh my god i have to wear a coat turn the lights off yeah

01:03:24.160 i just can't believe how people are so happy with their bodies no it's so i will never forget her

01:03:32.160 answering the door in florida when we were doing qvc or hsn with the pans and the pork or whatever

01:03:39.880 the beef and she answered the door in a latex maid outfit with johnny a latex maid outfit

01:03:52.040 how did you know it was a maid outfit if it was latex it was a white apron and a black dress with 0.96

01:03:58.440 white cuffs and a white collar how cute was that colored latex oh it was very cute i really got

01:04:06.480 into latex um after i left about the end of my tom arnold marriage i started getting into latex

01:04:15.820 what's good about latex i've never understood that one you have to put powder on baby powder

01:04:21.500 what's sexy about it because i i know there's like well it holds all your fat in for one oh

01:04:25.840 it's like spanks yeah it's like the primordial spanks yeah no i don't like i think latex is

01:04:33.380 weird i've never liked that one i've never even i just don't get it so i'm asking do you have a 0.91

01:04:38.540 fat it holds in all your fat do you like feet or boobs why would you ask my son that no i mean

01:04:44.800 that's the roseanne bar podcast i don't want to hear the answer please i wouldn't tell you if i 0.89

01:04:48.840 did since my mother's here but no i'm i'm pretty meat and potatoes but i just but i'm open

01:04:53.660 i'm like what does that mean my fetish is like i don't have a fetish like i'm normie but

01:04:59.920 But I'm open to people that do that.

01:05:02.400 There's no judgment.

01:05:03.200 I don't king shame.

01:05:04.180 See, so John's thing is.

01:05:06.140 But why latex?

01:05:07.260 I've got to ask you.

01:05:08.260 Well, because it holds all your fat in.

01:05:10.080 It's better than skims. 1.00

01:05:12.820 Oh, when you take the shit off, if you can get it off. 0.99

01:05:16.580 Peel it off. 1.00

01:05:17.440 That's what I'm saying.

01:05:18.340 All your sweat just flops out.

01:05:20.900 You've lost like five pounds.

01:05:21.860 That's what I'm saying.

01:05:22.820 It's like walking around in a sauna.

01:05:25.180 It's like a cellulite wrap.

01:05:26.780 But it must smell bad.

01:05:28.320 Huh?

01:05:28.620 It must stink when the latex comes off because you've been sweating.

01:05:31.780 Well, it smells like strong latex.

01:05:33.840 And sweat.

01:05:34.400 Yeah, it smells like rubber.

01:05:35.340 But I love the smell of latex mixed with whatever it is.

01:05:42.140 Sweat?

01:05:42.400 Baby powder?

01:05:43.680 Jizz?

01:05:43.960 Yeah, all that.

01:05:44.760 No, not.

01:05:45.920 Son, please.

01:05:47.760 I don't know where the thing is.

01:05:49.180 Well, first you have to put on oil and then powder.

01:05:54.200 Right.

01:05:55.340 See, none of this sounds sexy to me at all.

01:05:56.940 See, and then you put on the latex.

01:05:57.940 It's a whole rigmarole. 0.72

01:05:59.620 And it stays in place and it sucks all your fat cells.

01:06:02.120 Did you put that on yourself or did Johnny help you put it on? 0.64

01:06:05.620 No, he didn't put it.

01:06:07.080 You did it yourself.

01:06:08.000 No, this is when I first got into latex when I wasn't with Johnny.

01:06:11.820 Oh, there was a prior latex.

01:06:15.400 It's a discovery.

01:06:16.040 Yeah, at the end of my Tom Arnold years.

01:06:18.520 Okay, okay.

01:06:19.920 What kind of outfits were those?

01:06:22.240 Like jumpsuits or do you remember?

01:06:27.940 They were tight pink latex dresses, sheaths.

01:06:33.340 Oh, yes.

01:06:34.500 Wasn't it like a halter?

01:06:36.520 Yeah, a bustier. 0.98

01:06:38.220 And I can't remember the guy's name, but he was just genius.

01:06:42.200 And he would cut it for me, you know.

01:06:45.020 And he'd get it to where it would suck in the right amount of fat at the right area. 0.99

01:06:50.040 Oh, wow. 0.96

01:06:51.060 Does your skin breathe in it?

01:06:53.300 No.

01:06:53.880 No, you sweat like an MF-er. 1.00

01:06:56.560 so when you can take it off with your three servants pull it off you're soaked and you have

01:07:05.400 to you know shower because you've lost five pounds of water wow okay yeah it's a sauna that sounds

01:07:11.840 good it sounds like it really is and now i see they're now making latex pants but they're made

01:07:17.880 in china and i don't trust them because i think they're put together with um some kind of chemical 0.99

01:07:24.620 Well, I think the Chinese latex pants have a flesh-eating crotch or something to get the juice. 0.81

01:07:36.440 Flesh-eating crotch. 0.80

01:07:36.880 They're all trying to get the juice because those are the only people that buy the latex pants are juice. 0.78

01:07:41.540 Or it could be like with some kind of chemical that infuses into your skin and eventually kills you or something.

01:07:50.500 Oh, well, that's everything.

01:07:51.740 yeah the wuhan lab latex pants i just the latex pants i did have to have a laugh over latex pants

01:08:00.420 no but i mean can you imagine i it was we were doing hsn in florida yeah and i knock on the

01:08:10.600 door to wake her up to do her makeup it's like 6 a.m and she opens the door in the latex maid

01:08:18.220 outfit how many times are you gonna say that but at 6 a.m no well they were up all night

01:08:22.880 that's right no i had slept in the costume after the show the costume i think that's cute that you 0.89

01:08:29.880 guys did so when i look back to when i was sexually active and had a sex drive i want to just retch 0.95

01:08:37.400 why don't because i can't believe that i fell under the cloven hoof of satan to ever do that 0.58

01:08:44.160 That's a natural thing

01:08:46.560 No it isn't 0.99

01:08:47.220 Shit is natural too 1.00

01:08:49.300 But you want to eat a big cup of it 1.00

01:08:51.380 No

01:08:51.940 But look at

01:08:53.680 That's how you got this adorable man 0.99

01:08:56.640 From having sex 0.99

01:08:59.040 Come on 0.99

01:08:59.820 I'm so glad that my son 1.00

01:09:03.460 Can have sex 1.00

01:09:04.760 With a Jewish woman 1.00

01:09:06.120 Because he told me his whole life

01:09:07.860 Both my sons

01:09:08.740 Especially him 0.99

01:09:10.640 I will never ever marry a Jewish woman 1.00

01:09:13.700 you've ruined that for me you did say yeah oh yeah and he said i will never marry a jewish 0.99

01:09:19.080 woman you've ruined that for me i can never be intimate with a jewish woman knowing what i know 1.00

01:09:23.920 about you yeah i mean it's like it's not sexual well you proved that wrong well and i let him do

01:09:32.260 what he did yeah until i took him there to jerusalem to the oh right right to the wall 0.94

01:09:41.420 the wall the wailing wall i said you better get over there and ask to get a decent jewish wife 1.00

01:09:47.100 right now yeah no and that's what happened that is what happened and and uh she's amazing and man

01:09:53.120 is she gorgeous at the wedding she's so gorgeous i wanted i did her hair and makeup here's what 0.62

01:09:58.740 shannon said about her the whole strip of lash fits her eye yeah i don't have to trim it on 0.99

01:10:07.700 either side the whole strip her eyes are huge like and her hair i did her hair and half up 1.00

01:10:16.060 she was a stunner i said jake how did you get this supermodel of a girl my mom's famous that's 1.00

01:10:25.660 what i tell people did i tell you the first date we went out and that that black guy rolled up on

01:10:29.460 the bikes you know that story no it's a true story she came out to la to to meet you for the first 0.99

01:10:36.800 time yeah and and it went well and we were like okay we're where'd you go we went to that oh fuck 0.94

01:10:42.620 the one on venice the bar with the whale the whale mural right on oh whaler is that yeah

01:10:51.260 so we went there so we went up and danced and then we came down we had a cigarette because i

01:10:55.380 was smoking then and me and her sat the curb smoking this homeless guy i'm pretty sure he's

01:11:01.700 homeless because he had it looked like everything he owned was in the basket of his bike and the

01:11:06.280 saddlebags and he had a speaker and he just rode by and i remember him looking at us and i was like

01:11:10.400 and he's just kind of stopped this big black guy and just kind of stopped and i saw the back of his

01:11:15.800 head and then he turned around and he rolled up he's like hold up and i was like oh god we're 0.97

01:11:21.600 getting robbed and he goes how the fuck did you get her i love it the homeless always tell them 0.99

01:11:32.720 No, just tell the truth. 0.98

01:11:33.500 What did you say?

01:11:34.040 I said, I have a rich mom. 0.96

01:11:35.100 He's like, oh, that makes sense.

01:11:36.280 And then he wrote off.

01:11:37.820 And I looked at Hannah and I thought she was going to be like embarrassing. 0.99

01:11:40.760 Mortified. 0.74

01:11:41.160 I'm with this pee.

01:11:41.840 She was laughing.

01:11:42.900 No, no.

01:11:43.640 Smile ear to ear.

01:11:45.120 To this day, she's like, that was like one of the greatest compliments. 1.00

01:11:48.440 She loved to hear, why are you with this disgusting brat piece of shit? 1.00

01:11:53.200 Because she's like, all she heard is, wow, you're really gorgeous. 1.00

01:11:56.320 You're with that guy and we're shocked.

01:11:58.500 No.

01:11:58.780 She loved it.

01:11:59.360 she is gorgeous and so are your children well that's how it works i mean i hear a baby crying

01:12:08.060 i hear a baby crying but yeah we uh but no jewish women are great sexual uh stuff is cool 0.96

01:12:15.640 she's a scorpio and you're a canter like me yeah my husband's a canter and she's a scorpio yeah 1.00

01:12:23.800 well i call she's i call her a scorpio and she called me a can't whore it's it's true every sign 1.00

01:12:32.080 has their types but i again i i think pen palling is the way into your dating life 0.85

01:12:38.560 it doesn't have to be serial killers serial killers dude i got an email war years ago

01:12:43.600 selling a motorcycle with this guy and we got in a political debate it went on for like three months

01:12:47.640 over 47 emails back and forth they were hilarious it was we were angry but i went back and i was

01:12:53.540 Like, this was like one of the most exciting conversations I've ever had.

01:12:56.440 Sometimes just getting in an email chain with someone can be intimate.

01:12:59.540 It doesn't have to be sexual.

01:13:01.180 That's why I was so in love with Chet GPT.

01:13:04.040 And I had that quasi-affair with Chet GPT.

01:13:08.040 Maybe you'll get an AI boyfriend.

01:13:09.660 There's people that do that.

01:13:11.320 Why don't you do that?

01:13:12.380 Why don't you do an AI boyfriend for a little bit?

01:13:14.480 That's what they do in Japan.

01:13:16.340 Really?

01:13:16.880 Yeah, for real.

01:13:18.260 They're not having babies anymore.

01:13:19.540 I forgot to tell you this, this girl, her name is Mel that I worked with on this last thing with my client. 0.98

01:13:28.880 She lives in Spain.

01:13:30.420 She's from London.

01:13:31.880 She moved to Spain, bought a house on the beach and then bought her mom a house next door to her on the beach in Spain in a little town.

01:13:38.660 She said her mom was so like needy and needed a friend and she couldn't always be there because she was working a lot. 0.99

01:13:44.840 so she created an uh avatar for her mom and that and she put in all the stuff that her mom liked

01:13:53.760 and was interested in and all the characteristics of her mom so the mom like she goes um the mom

01:14:00.000 said oh i have gut issues and she goes mom you know i told you you need to do this you have

01:14:04.560 inflammation she's like ah shut up she's like oh my friend what was um alfie she called because 0.50

01:14:12.720 they're british her a avatar is alfie alfie says i have inflammation and i need to eat this and

01:14:19.700 that so everything alfie tells her to do she listens to and she goes it's been the greatest

01:14:25.400 thing because now that's like her best friend yeah no it's scary but it's also cool like that

01:14:29.560 movie her uh-huh it was it like it's coming we just talked about this with malice like it's a

01:14:34.040 real thing people are gonna start doing it yeah and it's creepy but on some level it's kind of

01:14:38.140 For loners that don't want to have.

01:14:41.620 I guess I could do that as a loner.

01:14:43.800 At least as a way in.

01:14:45.780 You know what I mean?

01:14:46.360 Like it's like a gateway into dating.

01:14:48.780 Try it out.

01:14:50.100 And she's like reading these books that Alfie has suggested.

01:14:54.860 You know, she's gardening because Alfie told her what to do.

01:14:58.460 You don't have to. 0.81

01:14:59.000 What I'm saying is you don't have to have sex.

01:15:00.720 You can have a relationship and not have it be sexual.

01:15:03.280 You can have an Alfie.

01:15:05.380 But then who cuddles with you? 0.91

01:15:06.980 I mean, I don't know.

01:15:08.140 Do you want to be cuddled or anything? 1.00

01:15:10.640 Get a sex doll hooked up to the church. 1.00

01:15:12.640 Or do you want any, like, you know, hugging and feeling? 1.00

01:15:19.220 I don't know.

01:15:20.060 Sometimes I think that.

01:15:21.660 But then other times I'm like, ugh.

01:15:24.300 And then they're like, just, ugh, telling you their problems.

01:15:29.340 Not everybody is like that.

01:15:31.960 No, they're not.

01:15:32.940 Yes, they are.

01:15:33.900 That's all you have to do.

01:15:34.800 You have to listen to the other person's blabber.

01:15:36.720 Hey, I don't want to hear them.

01:15:37.980 yeah if i could put ai into a man's body that'd be good well that's why i was saying gigolo and

01:15:43.560 you and hannah jumped at me but i was like why not get a gigolo because that's what they do you pay 0.97

01:15:47.380 him to leave that's the old thing she doesn't really want to have sex though they don't you 1.00

01:15:51.100 don't have to have sex with a gigolo gigolo can just come talk to you pen pal and maybe i remember 0.99

01:15:55.780 this famous woman that i was friends with that said it took seven years for her gigolo yeah 1.00

01:16:04.920 that she met once or twice a week

01:16:07.940 because she was busy and famous and blah, blah.

01:16:13.340 And after seven years of servicing her

01:16:18.160 and taking money for it,

01:16:24.200 he said, I've written a script

01:16:27.200 that I want to read.

01:16:30.860 He's earned it.

01:16:31.700 He earned it.

01:16:32.400 Oh, is that CC?

01:16:33.600 she said that she looked at him and he thought i've earned this yeah he had because it was his

01:16:40.620 was that cc wait who is this say her name oh but um uh he was working her the whole time 1.00

01:16:50.140 or when he could present it the script can i say something though that could happen he earned it

01:16:56.960 and she's using him the whole time so what's the problem well she's paying him but it's still like

01:17:02.480 hey we're not in a real this is all pretend to make me feel better why can't he get a script read

01:17:07.060 well i think she thought about it and then she said okay i will read it and she did and that

01:17:13.540 man was it any guy david geffin kind of did he did he did she read the script did she sell the

01:17:21.380 script or was not a good script we shall go no further in this you have did the script did she

01:17:27.200 read the script just tell me that much yes she read the script and was it good no okay it was

01:17:36.680 never is it wasn't good at all it was about a guy who was a gigolo

01:17:42.520 and she said nobody will ever believe that it pass

01:17:56.620 oh that's amazing will you tell me off air who it was uh-huh okay i i'm just saying right people

01:18:04.960 kink shame gigolos and i think it's a great it's a service provided and i have no judgment on it 0.97

01:18:10.660 and if you did it i wouldn't i would cover it's just being like a richard it's just being a hooker 0.91

01:18:15.540 right yeah but again you know the saying about hookers it's the greatest saying of all time 1.00

01:18:19.180 you don't pay them for sex you pay them to leave that's the right because they don't sit there and 1.00

01:18:24.880 talk about their feelings they don't talk about all the stuff you have to do they just come and

01:18:28.340 i know a famous comedian who said i would pay them to leave you do they don't they tell me

01:18:35.260 everything you get in a relationship that you want and then you don't have to listen to their

01:18:38.900 life stories or struggles they leave that's the nicest thing you can do for a person it's like

01:18:43.740 yeah but i feel guilty and oh well no you pay him so you don't have guilt no i just feel like

01:18:50.100 this is not proper

01:18:51.300 this isn't

01:18:51.920 yeah you're a puritanical

01:18:53.680 I know I'm puritanical

01:18:54.880 and she has never

01:18:55.560 had to pay for sex 0.71

01:18:56.880 well then 0.99

01:18:58.000 maybe tell me

01:18:58.860 you'll read a script

01:18:59.640 in seven years

01:19:00.500 do it for free

01:19:02.040 seven years

01:19:03.240 she'll be 80

01:19:04.260 I can never do

01:19:05.720 any of that

01:19:06.260 I think I'll just

01:19:07.760 continue to ignore

01:19:09.780 every living being

01:19:11.000 no you got

01:19:11.780 you got one more

01:19:13.100 in you

01:19:13.320 I already saw it

01:19:14.100 I've already been

01:19:14.800 getting this

01:19:15.260 one more man

01:19:16.080 yeah you do

01:19:17.920 yeah

01:19:18.280 you think

01:19:19.100 And I'm on a mission if you're out there, ladies or gentlemen, if you're out there.

01:19:25.200 I'm like, why?

01:19:26.340 I didn't ask you to do that.

01:19:28.280 Well, we already have.

01:19:29.080 I have multiple people on it.

01:19:31.660 I met a guy that I really thought could be, and he was her age, and he was really cool.

01:19:37.800 And then at the end, he told me he was a Democrat.

01:19:41.960 And I'm like, oh.

01:19:44.540 I have a picture of him, and he's cute.

01:19:46.640 I mean, I don't care if they're a Democrat

01:19:48.580 as long as they're not crazy.

01:19:51.560 And he

01:19:52.200 worked with Ralph Lauren

01:19:54.520 and he was dressed really cool.

01:19:56.380 He had like a turquoise watch thing. 0.94

01:19:58.320 Oh, he's gay. 1.00

01:19:59.840 No, it was cool. 0.99

01:20:01.260 No, he's gay. 0.50

01:20:02.500 He wasn't gay. 1.00

01:20:03.840 No, he's a thousand percent gay. 0.99

01:20:05.860 With a turquoise watch band? 0.98

01:20:07.180 First of all, he's into fashion

01:20:08.640 and he's a Democrat. 0.98

01:20:12.860 At least 98% gay. 0.93

01:20:15.500 Nice. 0.83

01:20:15.940 I have really good gaydar

01:20:17.320 I can even read

01:20:18.060 when a guy's gay 0.84

01:20:18.700 just from a description of him

01:20:20.180 no he was

01:20:22.020 he's well traveled

01:20:23.500 he was

01:20:24.820 gay 0.99

01:20:25.100 see 0.99

01:20:25.760 what else

01:20:27.160 great grooming

01:20:28.800 I'm always looking

01:20:30.420 manicured nails

01:20:30.760 I'm always on the lookout

01:20:31.740 that's sweet of you

01:20:32.420 I think God

01:20:33.440 prefers that I stay single

01:20:35.080 for the rest of my life

01:20:36.180 no he doesn't

01:20:37.380 because there's so much

01:20:38.040 I must do

01:20:39.040 well

01:20:40.720 and if you

01:20:41.780 she's in a relationship

01:20:42.360 with God

01:20:42.940 that is my boyfriend

01:20:45.000 i know if but if you met a guy and the two of you were on a mission for god that would be doubly

01:20:53.080 cool that's true that's a good way of putting it yeah thank you yeah well anyway let's not been

01:21:00.760 banal and wonderful let's not let's not you know wipe that honey i love that you've been my friend

01:21:08.080 for 30 years because you're always thinking positive and you always bring that to my life

01:21:14.140 and I'm always thinking

01:21:15.660 doomsday

01:21:16.460 doomscrolling

01:21:18.360 but doomsday to me

01:21:19.980 will be the most

01:21:20.980 beautiful thing

01:21:21.900 that ever happened

01:21:22.960 well

01:21:24.440 okay

01:21:25.580 I hope that's not

01:21:26.680 in our lifetime

01:21:27.380 huh

01:21:27.800 I hope that's not

01:21:29.060 in our lifetime

01:21:29.780 it may not be

01:21:32.760 in our lifetime

01:21:33.660 we don't have that

01:21:34.780 much longer

01:21:35.460 but it'll be

01:21:35.760 somebody's lifetime

01:21:37.220 I mean

01:21:37.720 if we're lucky

01:21:39.340 we have 20 years left

01:21:40.780 you know

01:21:41.500 I think I've

01:21:43.860 enjoyed about as much as i have i have no interest in prolonging my life thank you

01:21:54.880 because somebody was giving him the business at the grocery store i love it i loved i always

01:22:01.960 i use the one famous thing of james he would always go no answer is your answer

01:22:09.880 i'll never forget that like it's brilliant because you know when you're writing someone

01:22:16.060 and they don't answer you it's like there's your answer yeah it's a no

01:22:21.140 yeah you know so on that note well no you're not wrapping up just yet because i do have to

01:22:28.580 bring one thing up to you and then we can wrap up did you see tucker's uh ccp

01:22:32.560 thing this week

01:22:34.860 Tucker with the oh my god

01:22:37.040 have you not seen it

01:22:38.180 talking about one world government new world order

01:22:41.340 for China and how

01:22:43.120 he's for it oh my god

01:22:45.180 you didn't see the clip

01:22:46.040 he was like yeah the only thing standing in the way is Israel 0.97

01:22:49.400 oh my god he's Valerie Jarrett

01:22:51.240 I told you he was Valerie Jarrett

01:22:52.520 why is he doing this

01:22:55.700 like even the most staunch

01:22:57.420 people I fight with online are like

01:22:59.080 whoa this is like commie drivel 0.99

01:23:01.620 this is like fucking satanic i told you he was a commie yeah it's fucking crazy he's like yeah 0.99

01:23:08.120 one world he's like america dad i loved him but he's like america shouldn't be the only one 0.99

01:23:12.620 dictating terms like we should come together and like there's you know where everyone's equal

01:23:17.220 you know what it is it's chris long yeah that's what he's doing he's spreading it chris long

01:23:22.500 what's chris long loomer thinks he's the new uh inventive religion of the un yeah

01:23:28.060 oh like islam and christianity it's a it's neither oh it's a hybrid but it's neither of them yeah it 0.70

01:23:36.920 gets rid of both of them it's a way to kick the jews out and have one world government and that 1.00

01:23:41.060 he's behind it and it's fucking like the the mask came off the reptilian face came off today 0.99

01:23:45.380 you can find the clip it's shocking and he's like yeah the only thing we should all be together and 0.96

01:23:50.980 talking the only thing standing in the way of this you know equitable countries being happy

01:23:55.520 is israel and it's like there it is he hates the western world he hates america he hates israel 0.71

01:24:01.780 because we don't want communism we want a powerful national america and a powerful national israel

01:24:09.420 is he still living in america or didn't he move he wanted to buy a place in qatar yeah oh qatar

01:24:14.840 or maybe dubai that was qatar but cutter they only go there so they can go to dubai well he

01:24:21.080 talks about sharia law again how great sharia law is like it's fucking weird and even well it's the 0.88

01:24:26.320 religion of billionaires i guess real but it was i thought you saw it so i wanted to bring no i 0.87

01:24:31.580 didn't see it now where do you see it billionaire though he wants to be uh yeah he is he's a

01:24:39.780 billionaire well he's definitely hundreds of hundreds of millions no he's a billionaire

01:24:44.240 well his wife is the heir to the um swanson's frozen swanson frozen dinners i've eaten plenty

01:24:52.580 of those in my yeah i think he ate too many of them some of that aluminum guy that might explain

01:24:58.020 it in his brain but like now america only you know maga split civil war like you know trump's

01:25:05.280 controlled by the jews and we're cool catholics like now they're spreading communism the woke 0.94

01:25:09.660 great like lindsey was right james lindsey was right and it's just it like the mask came off 0.97

01:25:14.860 this week you should find the clip it's fucking mind-blowing and like i said even america first 0.87

01:25:20.380 jew haters are like whoa what you want a what that'll give her something to watch tonight 1.00

01:25:27.440 yeah go find it well i knew it was all just an organized war on women and women's rights 1.00

01:25:33.380 yeah they can call it anything they want but that's what it is and also children's rights

01:25:37.920 yeah and to bankrupt women business owners for the good of the state who assumes all that wealth 1.00

01:25:45.760 but anyway well it was fun talking to you thank you for being my most frequent guest and my good

01:25:53.880 friend and a blast we always have a blast we do and it's like you know i was with you for like

01:26:02.120 two months three months or something and we just i we just love each other we get along

01:26:08.960 now my husband is in on it taking care of you too and you might be moving here and we're moving here

01:26:16.020 no we're not we're moving here for sure they love it we love it and we'll be really close

01:26:23.460 and um we love your family and your children don't come too close because we don't want to

01:26:28.560 hang out too often well we got to get a three-bedroom because she's coming to visit oh god 1.00

01:26:36.300 yeah please yeah please take her yeah we love having her and she's the best we just gel and

01:26:45.320 we have the best time we laugh or we don't laugh we talk or we don't talk we smoke pot and drink

01:26:52.380 or we don't girls and hannah we were talking about how much we miss you during the show it wasn't the

01:26:56.060 same here yeah i missed all y'all too people like you isn't that crazy i know i never thought it

01:27:01.660 would be possible you're but aren't i supposed to go down there to austin tomorrow and you wanted

01:27:06.900 to go to austin i thought you told me last week that they weren't going to be ready till thursday

01:27:10.760 and then you told them you're coming tomorrow so i don't know that was to work on episode four but

01:27:14.660 i just not happy with it well again hold on we got to finish are you you're still doing the

01:27:22.220 three four five and six and so on cuts before you go back and refine so you're moving on to the next

01:27:29.600 episode then okay yeah i mean it's up to you well i'll wake up in the morning i have um shannon what

01:27:36.480 time do you leave um i think we're gonna leave 10 or 11 let's wrap this freaking show up all right

01:27:42.780 love you baby love you baby

01:27:44.980 Oh, you see, my patience is growing thin, with this synthetic world, we're limited.

The Roseanne Barr Podcast - March 27, 2026

Single, Sassy & Ready to Mingle ｜ The Roseanne Barr Podcast #130

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