The Saad Truth with Dr. Saad - Deep Dive Into Happiness & Evolutionary Psychology - My Longest Podcast Ever! (The Saad Truth with Dr. Saad

00:00:00.000 all right doctor i got sad thank you so much for your time uh you've wrote multiple publications

00:00:06.240 books you've been everywhere but uh your current book that uh you get on pre-release on july 25th

00:00:12.760 i think what a time for a book like that to come out with everything going on in the world and

00:00:18.860 all you got to do is look at stats and uh for a guy like yourself to dive into that not that you

00:00:26.100 haven't before but you had to have seen and i always like to ask people how they got where

00:00:31.460 they're at but i will get to that later but i've seen guys write these books and they're taking

00:00:38.720 advantage of the time that we're in so you know it's a crappy time whatever so i'm just going to

00:00:45.480 reword something put it out because i have a big following and make money but obviously if anybody

00:00:52.040 anybody knows anything about you that's not the type of guy that you are you know it's it's true

00:00:57.000 well you're first thank you so much for having me a pleasure i i would have loved to meet you in

00:01:03.060 person as we were originally supposed to hopefully we'll do that another time uh i'm always envious

00:01:07.900 of people who either live in southern california or in your case i think it's palm beach so uh

00:01:12.460 consider yourself envied sir uh i told tony i told tony no you better fly his ass in here within a month

00:01:19.180 or two or if i schedule it sir you'll be in london uh yeah so uh thank you for that opening question

00:01:29.000 so the way that i thought about writing this book i actually discussed it in the first chapter of the

00:01:35.960 book i found that oftentimes whenever i would weigh in with something positive in my social media

00:01:44.140 engagement that oftentimes was the stuff that would get the most you know positive feedback so

00:01:50.940 of all the times that i've been on joe rogan's show probably the clip that is you know the the most

00:01:58.000 commented on is when i described you know what is what was my secret to to losing all the weight that

00:02:05.240 i did and going back to being slim yeah and so so i've never thought about sort of entering the the

00:02:11.480 the happiness uh you know book writing market but i saw the kind of reaction that it instilled in

00:02:18.600 people and they often wrote to me saying you always seem to be playful even when you're dealing

00:02:23.860 with serious issues you always have a sense of humor there's always a twinkle in your eye what's

00:02:28.840 your secret dr sad so then i thought you know the last book the parasitic mind was about you know

00:02:34.640 negative in your mind brain worms that infect our brain so i thought well why don't i now complete

00:02:40.500 the circle and write a book about positive mindsets about positive ways by which we can tackle life

00:02:47.040 so it's really a combination of a lot of personal anecdotes that's what makes it truly unique and then

00:02:54.660 coupled with ancient wisdoms and the latest science you know from neuroscience from well-being

00:03:01.160 research from happiness research put it all together and hopefully i've come up with something

00:03:05.720 that people will enjoy yeah and uh real quick i watched that when i came out why'd they take that

00:03:11.700 down you uh doc lost 87 pounds he was doing 10 000 steps a day oh much more than 10 000 sorry to

00:03:20.820 interrupt oh sorry 10 000 i don't lie sorry sorry man no just because i i want people to get the right

00:03:27.540 yeah hell yeah i i do so i haven't done less than 10 000 since june 2019 but my average is usually

00:03:38.660 between 15 and 20 000 a day wow and between 15 and 1700 calories per day that's how i lost 86 pounds

00:03:48.200 86 pounds they pulled it they pulled yeah why did they pull that i don't think they pulled that one

00:03:55.500 you you're thinking about the joe rogan episode that they yanked down yeah it's not that one it's

00:04:01.320 i think it's the one before that or maybe two ago where he used in our conversation i mean i'm not sure

00:04:08.640 but i think it's because he used the n-word oh geez at some point we were discussing something and

00:04:14.600 he said the end and i remember thinking oh boy this is going to come back to haunt us and i think

00:04:20.640 that's the one that was yanked not not the latest one with the weight loss yeah i i was just watching

00:04:25.840 the clips of that one because i watched in the other ones when uh you were in the red studio and

00:04:30.580 and everything else um and you know bringing up the weight loss that goes into your book about resilience

00:04:38.100 exactly so uh in in one of the last chapters i talk about the anti-fragility of failure and you

00:04:47.660 know the importance of persistence and and resilience and so uh you know in the same way

00:04:52.520 that when you complete a marathon i mean i know it sounds like a cliche but when you complete a

00:04:56.700 42.2 kilometer marathon which is 26 point something miles it really is one step at a time and then one

00:05:03.680 and at some point four hours into the run i did two marathons by the way in 85 and 86 and both of

00:05:10.140 them i finished in the four hour range uh it's one step at a time so when it came to the weight loss

00:05:16.140 it's very hard when you you try to imagine the the amount that you have to lose you feel desperate i

00:05:24.200 mean how am i ever going to lose you know 10 pounds 20 pounds 30 pounds well there is no magic recipe

00:05:30.420 it literally is making the exact correct choice every single day for 18 months and then suddenly

00:05:39.040 you get on the scale and you're a svelte 170 pounds i mean it really but so so what i did is i tried to

00:05:46.060 break it up why don't i try to get to because the highest i was at was 256 and i was 256 and how tall

00:05:54.380 you know i'm sorry to interrupt you i'm like five seven on a very good day when my hair is spiked

00:05:59.580 so so i'm i'm the average soccer player you know the smaller you know skillful soccer players so

00:06:07.960 you know i'm not a six foot four guy so 256 for a guy my height was really now i wore it well in the

00:06:15.120 sense that it was distributed you know it's not like i was super skinny with a massive belly and so

00:06:21.340 i could somewhat i mean i clearly was much heavier you could see it but i wore it reasonably well but

00:06:28.060 i knew that you know i was getting into my 50s i had young children and i thought okay well covid is

00:06:33.760 here we can't go anywhere let's turn this dreadful pandemic experiment into something positive why don't

00:06:41.100 i use this opportunity to lose all the weight that i've been meaning to lose because i had always been

00:06:45.960 very thin until about the age of 25 i was grossly underweight i even i don't know if you you've ever

00:06:52.900 seen i i post these clips when i was a young soccer player with the eight abs and so on well that was

00:06:58.880 me until about 23 24 25 and then once you know my soccer playing days were over uh i started putting

00:07:07.000 on slowly weight here's 10 pounds here's another eight oh look i just hit 200 oh look i just hit 225

00:07:13.480 and so what i basically did is i just set these these markers why don't i try to lose in the next

00:07:19.500 four months you know 20 pounds and try to maintain it and bit by bit bit by bit here i am 170 pounds

00:07:26.960 so and i and i can do it and i see that you implemented that in the book uh truth and happiness the

00:07:32.740 eight secrets for leading a good life you know just with that resilience alone that you're speaking of

00:07:37.740 but that can you pull up by tab two uh is both which you can order pre-order now and comes out

00:07:44.660 july 25th but when you say resilience okay that that's part of it and you speak about it and it's

00:07:51.640 a marker in the book here uh but when you get too resilient whether it's work or you become an

00:07:58.020 extremist or so on and so forth so if you get obsessed with losing that weight walking no less

00:08:04.960 intense steps another part of your book is you know still having spice still having moderation

00:08:11.020 so on and so forth how do you balance the two yeah fantastic question so in an earlier chapter in the

00:08:18.360 in that book uh i have a whole chapter on you know everything in moderation which of course they

00:08:24.940 not only the ancient greeks there many many different uh philosophical frameworks had thought

00:08:30.420 about the idea of now everything in moderation could be mathematically demonstrated with an inverted

00:08:37.220 u-curve right if if you do too little of something so think about for example perfectionism

00:08:42.100 if you're not at all perfectionist uh let's say you're writing a book well if you're not at all

00:08:47.620 perfectionist you don't check your facts carefully you're not very careful in checking your references

00:08:53.080 you know you're not detail oriented if you're too perfectionist so either too little or too much

00:09:00.540 if you're too perfectionist as i am well when you receive the galley proofs of your book you go into a

00:09:07.420 whole anxiety episode because so the galley proofs for those of you who don't know is you know the final

00:09:12.700 version of the book that this is your last chance to go through it to identify any errors because

00:09:19.300 otherwise it's going to to press it's going to print and so i sit there and i obsess over every

00:09:24.900 single syllable so that you know i will spend days and days reviewing every single detail

00:09:30.740 with the hope of maybe finding one comma out of place well well that's putting me too far on the

00:09:37.680 other end of the curve right i'm too perfectionist instead of having spent two weeks reading the galley

00:09:44.160 proofs i had spent one week maybe that would have improved you know increased my productivity to

00:09:49.020 pursue other things so and what i what i show in that book uh chapter is that that inverted you

00:09:57.000 the everything in moderation is probably the singular most important universal law for leading the good

00:10:06.180 life right and so aristotle himself the ancient greek philosopher had talked about the golden mean

00:10:13.020 so he said for example that if you have a soldier who is very cowardly well that's very bad but if you

00:10:21.900 have a soldier who is reckless in his courage well that's also very bad because he's gonna basically

00:10:27.740 martyr himself he's gonna kill himself in a reckless way that there is some point in the middle some

00:10:33.180 sweet spot some temperance and so to your question you always have to be mindful of that inverted you

00:10:39.880 because it applies across so many contexts can i maybe mention one or two other examples yeah take

00:10:46.840 your time right click on um read more uh because it's interesting go ahead yeah take your time take

00:10:52.680 your time because uh under the description sorry because i'm very into uh the way ancients did things

00:11:00.360 because they didn't take pills they didn't do this they found the way you know exactly uh look uh let's take

00:11:08.280 for example uh intensity of exercise and the efficacy of the exercise that itself turns out to be

00:11:16.600 defined by an inverted u-shape meaning that if you if you exercise at a too low intensity you don't get

00:11:23.400 your cardiovascular system you know to be at the right range if you exercise with too great intensity

00:11:29.720 that's also has all sorts of negative downstream effects and so there is a sweet spot in the middle

00:11:36.280 let's take for example jealousy in a in a relationship if you never exhibit any jealousy then your

00:11:43.480 partner will think that you are insufficiently vested in them and oftentimes your partners will try to

00:11:50.360 trigger jealousy in you if only to get a reaction out of you that shows that you are committed to them

00:11:55.640 now take it to the other extreme if you are pathologically jealous then you become an abusive spouse

00:12:02.280 somewhere in the middle between complete neglect neglectfulness where you you never exhibit any

00:12:07.960 territoriality or jealousy and obsessive pathological territoriality lies the sweet spot and so what i do in that

00:12:15.400 chapter is i demonstrate across a bewildering number of situations that more often than not what makes us happy

00:12:26.280 what makes us content is to find that sweet spot now to your earlier question it's tough to say that there

00:12:33.560 is a singular sweet spot for every individual right because it depends on each individual right but what we do

00:12:41.480 know is that we all adhere to the sweet spot to the inverted u my optimal point may be different from yours

00:12:50.440 but we both adhere to that inverted u shape and so being mindful of that allows me for example let's

00:12:57.400 take resilience right if you're not at all resilient you'll never meet any of your goals if you are so

00:13:05.400 resilient that you never disengage from a goal that is otherwise unattainable then you'll be chasing

00:13:13.320 shadows for the rest of your life right so for example imagine i wish to be a hollywood actor well

00:13:20.520 it's you should jump into that dream but if you're now 65 years old and you've been a

00:13:29.400 server at a restaurant waiting for your break well maybe you've gone overboard with your resilience

00:13:36.280 curve in other words you should have you should have disengaged earlier so pretty much any phenomenon

00:13:42.280 that you can think of tommy i can demonstrate to you that that rule applies too little is not good too

00:13:48.520 much is not good find that middle point but how do you let's take uh elon musk or uh or me for example

00:13:57.800 you you know if like i gotta i get obsessed with things and i go extreme and i'll stay i'll stay up

00:14:05.000 until five and get up at six for he'll tell you for three months if that's what it takes to figure it

00:14:11.160 out if it's a coding thing if it's a podcast thing i want an award i open up this is a funny story i'll

00:14:18.680 tell you when you come in but i opened up an engineering firm for a weird for a funny reason

00:14:24.200 actually i knew nothing about it but i had hired like retired guys that i knew that just didn't

00:14:29.240 want to be around their wife all day anymore anyway i won an award but i had i had uh gotten

00:14:35.000 extreme with it where i was going to win no matter what and i always have a tough time personally

00:14:41.400 finding a balance between when i get my mind on something that i want to succeed in and then having

00:14:48.280 time to do anything else like i can't tell you the last the last movie i watched was air i was curious

00:14:54.040 about that movie air with ben affleck but other than that i haven't sat down and just watched a movie

00:14:59.480 in probably three or four years so i'm one of those extremists where i'm resilient but too resilient

00:15:05.960 where i do nothing but work from day to night so when someone's in that and i and i i'm sorry and

00:15:12.760 i agree with you if you're it's tough to be happy even if you get a gazillion dollars how do you break

00:15:18.120 that well but i don't think you were being so let's suppose you had started that engineering firm

00:15:24.920 and it had now been 10 years into that uh endeavor and every single environmental cue that you were

00:15:33.000 getting from the environment was suggesting that this is a losing ship would you remain in that

00:15:39.320 sinking ship or would there be an exit point where you'd get out well that so if you answer that you

00:15:45.880 would get out that means you are moderating your resilience right so resilient is is you know is in the

00:15:54.040 wrong part of the curve when no amount of incoming information could ever have me disassociate from

00:16:00.920 that goal and that can't be a good thing right so as i said resilient so if i'm not in the least bit

00:16:08.680 resilience i can't meet any objective right because most worthwhile purposeful things require some grit

00:16:16.920 some stick-to-it-ness but if i say la la la la no amount of information is ever going to convince

00:16:24.680 me that this restaurant is going to fail i've now taken all the money from every family member and

00:16:30.680 it's now 10 years into the process and i'm still not willing to disengage well then i've clearly passed

00:16:35.480 the sweet spot so you know it's it's it varies depending on the individual it varies depending on the

00:16:41.480 the domain but as i said what is absolutely clear is that nearly all phenomena that you could think of

00:16:47.000 tommy whether it be at the individual level at the group level at the economic level they all follow

00:16:53.000 that inverted you even the pursuit of happiness itself follows an inverted you if i can blow your mind

00:17:01.080 right if you don't follow happiness in the least bit that's not good if you're pathological in your

00:17:07.720 willful pursuit of happiness that also turns out to be bad so even the pursuit of happiness follows

00:17:14.520 an inverted u-shape right you're right not that i thought you were wrong but when when i really when

00:17:20.200 i process it you're right now another point in your book which i i can't just bring it out earlier like

00:17:27.240 june 1st or something you know can i tell you something yeah i was just forgive me for interrupting

00:17:32.200 no no i don't i'm just excited uh to your point about you wanted earlier i was sitting with my

00:17:38.440 wife uh uh having a coffee today and i looked at her and i said i don't know i'm so antsy you know

00:17:44.920 it's so hard to wait and and to your point when you said earlier you know you're not writing this book

00:17:50.760 to me you know thank you for kind of pointing to to my purity of spirit it's not even because i'm

00:17:56.520 excited to make the money you know what excites me it's when someone sends a selfie on twitter

00:18:03.880 holding a copy of my book they're sitting in dubai and they say i'm reading your book so let's say

00:18:09.800 the parasitic mind my last book and i'm loving it so much thank you so much professor sad that to me

00:18:17.000 is like a million dollars right so i was actually sitting with her today and a gentleman came up to

00:18:21.960 me whom i've seen at the coffee shop often but i i never thought that you know he was a follower of

00:18:27.720 my work so he comes from behind me and in a very kind of warm way puts his hands around my shoulders

00:18:33.160 and i turn like this and he says i just have to tell you i just watched you on pierce morgan's i just

00:18:41.080 love listening to you and i thought that was that was a million bucks right there right because

00:18:46.600 the fact that you can bring happiness to someone because they're consuming either your

00:18:51.400 you know this conversation or or the books that's what and by the way that speaks to something in

00:18:57.800 the book that i talk about which is try to find a profession that makes you wake up every day kind

00:19:02.760 of rubbing your hands excited right i was i mean i don't even know you prior to today but i was excited

00:19:09.400 because i'm going to be given a platform you know that with a very successful platform where i can just

00:19:15.800 talk about ideas and i get ultimately paid for doing that my god i'm a kid in a candy store i must

00:19:21.960 be the luckiest guy in the world so if you could find some profession that offers you that kind of

00:19:27.960 you know existential glee then you you won the game of life it's because you're not american

00:19:38.280 or we call it well we call it over here old school so old school like i grew up in philadelphia so

00:19:44.520 did he and in philadelphia it's very old school italians or irish or whatever you know and and

00:19:50.680 grown up where you know if you don't hold that door for that lady oh boy when you get home you're

00:19:57.480 in trouble you know so and and through that being raised like that you can have all the money in the

00:20:04.280 world but when somebody sits there and reads or watches something that you came up with and develop

00:20:09.960 you can't buy that once you have money you can't buy that and then a guy like you comes along and

00:20:17.400 you're not like a showboat and you know the guys that i'm talking about everybody's a speaker

00:20:22.760 everybody's uh i don't know what they're called you know everybody's got to say coach oh yeah

00:20:29.800 yeah i actually wrote an article about the scam of life life coaches yep you have someone who has been

00:20:36.920 divorced six times but they are a marriage coach and they're 20 and they're 28 and they're 28 they're

00:20:44.120 divorced six times they got three kids they're 28 years old and they're a marriage coach just who i

00:20:49.240 want to go to but they got a following so they go and they buy it so when i saw you wrote this book

00:20:55.480 really because uh you know we've seen it just in here and walking around so many people are depressed

00:21:01.880 everybody's got anxiety and you know i know you know some but you probably couldn't even imagine

00:21:08.920 how many lives you saved and you're very correct and knowing that you're from lebanese and not america

00:21:15.560 no offense to america but you find me i can probably count on my hands how many americans would do it from

00:21:21.000 their heart but you know how many lives you probably saved i mean really you're very kind and i'm not just

00:21:27.160 saying this because you're here on some dumb zoom i hate you i wish you were sitting right here

00:21:31.560 i agree uh well hopefully we'll do it again uh look uh that's one of the reasons why i to to your

00:21:37.720 first question why i decided to write the book because you know i sometimes i would someone will

00:21:42.840 write to me you know explain why are you always happy so then i write and i say something like well

00:21:48.680 you know i have a a lovely wife wonderful children when i go out there and fight the good fight then i can

00:21:55.960 come home to the solace of my home i wish you the same to me it seems pretty self-evident to say that

00:22:02.040 but yet the person will then write me you know a six paragraph letter saying how much that affected

00:22:08.840 them how how much you know as to your point and so that's why i thought you know what let me let me

00:22:15.160 write this book and and as you said it's not arrogant right it's not i'm not promising here is the

00:22:21.800 absolute secret sauce to leading the good life because that would mean i don't have what's

00:22:27.800 called epistemic humility epistemic humility means i know what i know and i know what i don't know and

00:22:33.160 i know the limits of my knowledge and what i can promise so i can't so i don't do the self-help stuff

00:22:39.160 just come to my seminar and i'll tell you all the secrets to life but what i can tell you is

00:22:44.040 is that there is a set of mindsets that if you adhere to them if you adopt them it increases your

00:22:52.840 chances of being happy right life is a statistical game right you could be a non-smoker your whole life

00:22:58.760 and yet regrettably be stricken with lung cancer but if you want to put all the odds on your side

00:23:05.160 don't smoke it reduces your chances of lung cancer so it's in that spirit that i wrote the book there is

00:23:11.320 nothing definitive it's not memorize my book and i promise you eternal bliss so so example now pay

00:23:21.160 to your earlier point about uh opening the you know the door and so on so i talk about one in in

00:23:28.360 one of the early chapters i talk about the two most important decisions that you'll ever make to

00:23:32.040 either increase your happiness or increase your misery choosing the right spouse and choosing the

00:23:37.400 right profession well the next question would be well what how do you how do you know that you're

00:23:42.680 choosing the right spouse well you never absolutely know but you could certainly be attuned to certain

00:23:48.520 cues that the prospective spouse engages in that can either tell you she's a he or she are a potential

00:23:57.400 winner or not and to your point earlier about being italian and from philly well although the movie i think

00:24:02.920 was in new york do you remember in bronx tale and i actually talked about this in the book lilo

00:24:08.200 broncato is a good friend yeah he's a he's a personal friend yeah yeah i think i i saw that he was on your

00:24:14.760 show so you must uniquely then remember that the door test yeah yeah yeah the best part of the movie the

00:24:23.080 best part of the door test yeah now so i talk about that in the book and then i try to come up

00:24:31.000 with a instance in my life that corresponded to the door test when my wife and i met so lilo's gonna go

00:24:38.680 crazy when i text him after this that you put that at all he's gonna have oh boy he's gonna get all

00:24:43.960 excited down there so so here we go i'm i'm giving you guys a lot of premiere content before the book is

00:24:51.000 out so i i explain in the book how my wife and i met so the way the way we met which speaks to the

00:24:58.520 magic and the the randomness of life i was at the gym i mean i was single i was at the gym uh exercising

00:25:06.040 and a guy passes by whom you know i didn't really know well but he you know we knew each other and he

00:25:11.880 just says hello he just says hey professor how you doing i said oh hi how you doing another guy whom i

00:25:19.080 had never met had heard that salutation so he comes up to me now this is this is 23 24 years ago so i'm

00:25:26.200 i'm looking a lot yeah i look like i'm 12 i don't have the white beard i don't have the white hair

00:25:31.480 so he comes up to me he goes i'm sorry i i heard this gentleman address you as professor are you are

00:25:36.440 you really a professor i said yes he said in which fields what do you you know what what are your

00:25:41.240 specialties so i tell him so he goes oh you know i'm i'm the ceo of this company uh i'm trying to set

00:25:48.200 up some in-house executive education for my executives can i interest you in maybe coming

00:25:55.400 for maybe six or seven saturdays giving us different lectures you know one week we can

00:26:00.040 talk about psychology of consumer behavior psychology of advertising you know maybe your evolutionary

00:26:05.640 psychology whatever so we struck a deal we we signed the contract and i'm going to come to the

00:26:11.880 second to this something similar to the door test of bronx tale so bear with me no no i think so i

00:26:16.760 love i love i love i love how things happen because that's how that's how then for me and and and for

00:26:24.360 the listeners when you talk like this like how you met your wife so don't ever apologize because it just

00:26:31.160 goes to show you you you're not pulling these steps out of your ass you know it's life experiences you

00:26:38.680 know exactly exactly and incidentally you know it's it's it's funny that you're talking about

00:26:43.000 stories because one of the things that i'm very mindful in these books whether it be the parasitic

00:26:48.040 mind whether it be the consuming instinct which was earlier or whether it be this forthcoming book

00:26:52.760 the other books that i've written are much more scientific and technical so i'm only talking here

00:26:56.440 about the books meant for the general public i specifically incorporate tons of personal stories

00:27:03.320 for two reasons number one you build intimacy with the reader right to simply talk in the abstract

00:27:10.840 here's what aristotle said here's what the latest neuroscience that's all good but if i could then

00:27:16.520 demonstrate the phenomenon by telling you a gripping story not only do i build intimacy with you

00:27:22.840 but we are a storytelling animal we love to learn through stories so i can give you all the fancy

00:27:28.680 neuroscience but that's not going to stick with you as compared to me telling you a story about how

00:27:33.880 i met my wife and how it relates to the bronx tale that's the stuff that makes people go i can't put

00:27:38.600 this book down you know yeah that's why i want to know but so i'm like don't say sorry tell me tell

00:27:43.160 me you want to know you know it's good uh thank you uh so okay so so i show up first day to this company

00:27:51.400 and the the elevator door opens and the the woman who is greeting me to take me to the room where i'll

00:28:00.440 be lecturing to the executives turns out to be my future wife she says oh are you are you professor

00:28:06.840 sad i say yes oh let me take you to the room so then now we're going to come to the door test so about

00:28:14.760 or or my version of the door test so about three i think it was either the second or third saturday

00:28:21.000 remember i i think i did six saturdays uh i used to be before i lost all my weight very prone to

00:28:29.080 getting sick getting bronchitis uh i used to be asthmatic so whenever i'd get a cold then i'd be

00:28:35.720 super sick for the next six weeks with this really nasty kind of broncho asthma and so one of those

00:28:41.880 saturdays i was sick and as i was trying to get through these two three hour lectures i mean i was

00:28:48.280 just coughing incessantly so at the break so i call a break okay let's hey guys let's take a 10

00:28:53.960 minute break go get lunch or whatever get a coffee my future wife who to me was just an a nondescript

00:29:02.440 you know i'm very professional right i'm not you know even though it's not the same ethical guidelines

00:29:07.800 as would be the case in a university setting this was you know a consulting gig this was with you know

00:29:14.280 adults in a company i'm still you know very serious and detached and professorial

00:29:19.720 well she goes downstairs gets a tea and comes back and gives me the tea as a response to seeing how much

00:29:30.520 i'm struggling you know with my cough that was my door test so someone who can be so considerate

00:29:39.560 that she decides on her own that you know she's feeling the empathy of this guy is struggling he's

00:29:45.320 got to get through these three hours of lectures let me go get him a tea that to me demonstrated that

00:29:50.760 she's very giving she's selfless and so in a sense that was the unlocking of the door from the bronx

00:29:57.160 tail i see so you go you're not asking her for anything she just sees you're struggling and she

00:30:02.280 takes the initiative to go down there get you some hot tea to help you out exactly right but professor

00:30:08.280 all you had to do is use your last name sad you could have played that card oh man you could you

00:30:13.480 know yeah my last name's sad oh you could have got a lot i'm going to give you another little nugget

00:30:20.040 from the from our so the first time we went to see a movie very old school you were mentioning old

00:30:26.520 school philadelphia we were accompanied by a chaperone one of her friends she didn't feel you know she

00:30:33.880 she wanted someone to be around uh which okay it's perfectly fine so this is after you had finished

00:30:40.520 the course and so on and there was no grading in the course so there was no ethical issue and so on

00:30:45.960 so we go to see a movie we went to see by the way the insider with al pacino he plays

00:30:53.160 he plays uh a whistleblower insider whistleblower who's whistleblowing on the tobacco industry

00:30:59.400 yeah now my dad had just had a health scare maybe a month or two earlier so this now this is 1999 so

00:31:08.040 we don't cell phones are not widespread and i tend to be a late adopter to a lot of these technologies

00:31:14.440 i mean i only got a cell phone i think about five or six years ago so so i got a pager which is not at

00:31:21.160 all my style but i got a pager in case my dad needed to reach me uh you know with an emergency

00:31:29.960 so as we were leaving one another on that first evening so this is another one of those cues that

00:31:36.200 you know she's going to be your future wife hopefully uh so so we agree on a set of paging codes

00:31:45.080 to communicate with each other so if if she pages me one one one it means whatever if she pages me two

00:31:51.160 two two it means i'm thinking of you literally okay so we leave each other after seeing that movie

00:31:58.200 i i turn the corner so i'm no longer within her view i'm maybe 40 feet 40 meters away from her

00:32:06.920 my pager rings i look up and i see two two two i said i have to marry this woman no games no bs

00:32:17.480 no trying to establish dominant who's i like you i want to be with you let's no fooling around no games

00:32:27.720 and that's it that's happened so where are they at where are they at nowadays you never you know well

00:32:33.400 where you you got very lucky congratulations sir thank you but uh finding finding a woman like that

00:32:39.080 nowadays boy you write a book on that one now you have houses all over the world well but so that's

00:32:45.880 the point right i can't guarantee you that you'll find the right one but what i can tell you is here

00:32:51.720 are some decisional steps that you can take to at least make sure you're increasing your likelihood

00:32:57.960 of finding the right one so exactly here's another example uh i won't mention names because i don't want to

00:33:03.080 embarrass him or something there's a good friend of mine uh who used to be a former student of mine

00:33:10.680 who was dating a woman and he found out shortly before the marriage that she had lied to him about

00:33:20.280 something truly consequential that should have absolutely put on the massive you know

00:33:27.480 breaks red flags yet he didn't pay attention to those signals he did get married and then within

00:33:36.200 a year or two they were divorced and all kinds of horrible things ended up happening because you didn't

00:33:42.760 pay attention to all of the information people tell you the truth one way or the other even when they're

00:33:48.520 lying to you if you are attuned you should be able to pick up there is that instinctual gut feeling

00:33:55.160 that you have either that tells you that this person is the right one or that maybe they're not the

00:34:00.200 right one and by the way one of the things that causes us to not see those skews is precisely because

00:34:06.600 of the butterfly effect when we're early in a relationship where our our libidinal drives our

00:34:12.680 hormones are raging and so we often get married to the wrong person because we think that the the

00:34:18.520 great sex that we're having for the past three months is going to carry us when we're 25 years into a

00:34:23.800 marriage and guess what it doesn't it doesn't happen no it doesn't happen we call it we call it the

00:34:29.800 honeymoon phase you know you're you're the best guy in the planet tommy you look great love you can

00:34:37.480 i get you something and then i i think it's more in my opinion so that i get hit for this uh the man

00:34:45.960 three years later is like you know what happened to the ropes we had in the bedroom

00:34:50.840 you know the very beginning you throw them away wait you're going to bed at 10 what what happened

00:34:57.320 what because the you know as a man or i should say the people i hang out with you know you look at them

00:35:03.000 and they're they're miserable they're like i don't know what happened you know because they like you

00:35:08.440 said they they were in that honeymoon phase lost the libid you know everything and expect that to you

00:35:15.480 know in in 15 years especially after a kid forget it it's done after a kid for a little bit but he

00:35:22.120 still he still rocks the boat after he lost the weight from what i saw doctor sorry sorry doctor

00:35:28.280 when you talk about happiness right you know i've always i've always heard and and i i truly believe

00:35:33.960 this that if you're not happy with yourself you can't make someone else happy and until you find that

00:35:41.320 happiness it could be a miserable time so how how do you approach or tell people like be happy with

00:35:50.680 yourself first it sounds very selfish sometimes right like i have to take care of me first and it

00:35:55.800 seems selfish but how do you balance that yeah wow that's an amazing question uh look we all vary

00:36:02.520 just like most things in life there are individual differences on any trait right so so in the book by

00:36:08.680 the way at the start of the book i say that about 50 of your happiness stems from your genes now that

00:36:14.840 might sound like bad news and that it is inscribed that i either have an innate sunny disposition or i

00:36:19.720 don't but no if 50 of happiness comes from your genes that means there's still 50 to play for there's

00:36:27.880 the other 50 that is up to my willful decisions that i make so to your point we may vary across individuals

00:36:36.440 in terms of how self-confident we are uh how structured and integral our personhood is

00:36:44.200 but that notwithstanding i argue that existential authenticity and i know it's a mouthful let me

00:36:51.160 explain it that that really is at the root of self-happiness right so remember the ancient greeks

00:36:58.680 there's a uh a maxim uh a delphic maxim in ancient greece know thyself right so so the first road for

00:37:08.680 me to be happy is to feel comfortable in my skin so this is why by the way and and i sometimes struggle

00:37:16.760 with this by the way because sometimes i wonder if i'm too authentic maybe authentic to a fault so for

00:37:23.080 example i sometimes will go after someone on social media not because i am mean because i'm i'm hardly

00:37:31.160 that but because i would consider it inauthentic if i didn't criticize someone just because they're a

00:37:39.240 friend of mine if they're if they're spewing bullshit right so i think one of the reasons why

00:37:45.160 if i may say i exude happiness other than the fact that i'm lucky enough to have been born with a sunny

00:37:50.760 disposition is that there are no fissures there are no cracks in my personhood i present myself to

00:37:58.360 the world as i am and hopefully with all of my qualities and all of my faults and hopefully my

00:38:05.000 qualities outweigh my faults and therefore you can hopefully appreciate me there is no way to be

00:38:12.600 happy if you don't have that sense of self-worth and that sense of authenticity now the reason why

00:38:18.920 i sometimes question it about whether i am too authentic meaning on the inverted u-curve have

00:38:25.720 bypassed the sweet spot of authenticity is because sometimes that might cause me to

00:38:32.920 not hold my tongue and burn a bridge but it's never out of meanness so you know i can relate

00:38:39.800 i'll give you a second relate can you absolutely because like say i say say i i say something to

00:38:46.600 somebody i have uh a tough time i just say it how i feel it now they'll take it like you know people or

00:38:55.560 persons they'll take it like i mean it if i say uh you know i cannot stand that you do this all the time

00:39:04.600 you know you're wasting your time you're getting nowhere you know you're watching some stupid ass

00:39:09.640 show that means nothing why don't you like do why don't you just try something else and make you make

00:39:15.720 maybe you'll get interested and you'll try and i come off and that's just an example it's much worse

00:39:22.040 but when it is much worse with with a couple bad words in it i don't mean it like

00:39:28.600 control live or or you mean it constructively i mean it constructively because i care

00:39:34.440 but then people take it like you know i'm an and i've lost friends burned bridges and then i've

00:39:41.080 come to the point where you i think if you weren't as authentic then you would lose that happiness

00:39:47.160 because that's you right exactly and if they don't like it then fuck them let them go

00:39:52.760 hit the road which by the way speaks to another and there is another chapter in the book where i'm

00:39:58.200 talking about regret and how to so the ancient greeks had this concept of ataraxia which basically

00:40:04.680 means tranquility of mind right uh and in the book i argue that one of the things that gnaws at our

00:40:13.320 existence the most is the what if you know should i have done this what if i had done that and so

00:40:18.920 and i talk about in the book uh there are two types of regrets that people typically you know obsess about

00:40:25.800 there's either what's called regret due to action versus regret due to inaction right this is actually

00:40:32.600 the guy who pioneered this work is my former uh in my phd uh he's a professor of psychology tom gilovich

00:40:42.120 so he basically talked about these two forms of regret and he said that

00:40:45.560 what people most regret are sources of inaction so regret due to action would be i regret that i

00:40:57.080 cheated on my wife and that ruined my marriage regret due to inaction would be i regret that i became

00:41:04.600 a physician because my dad and my grandfather were physicians whereas really i've always wanted to be

00:41:11.000 an artist so it's an inaction i never pursued my passion and it turns out gentlemen over the long

00:41:18.760 term that the things that gnaw at us the most are regrets due to inaction right the road not taken

00:41:25.960 that's what really gnaws at our spirit now why am i mentioning all this is because in in that chapter i

00:41:32.840 talk about whether i should feel regretful for being the honey badger that i am you know had i

00:41:40.680 modulated myself a bit better maybe those idiots at university of california whatever would have

00:41:48.120 given me that job landing me in southern california and i remember i was having this conversation on

00:41:53.800 with megan kelly uh and i actually mentioned it in the book and she looked at me and she said no

00:42:00.520 exactly to the same point that you said when you said you shouldn't regret that because that's what

00:42:04.920 makes you authentic uh she said no you've built this huge audience people resonate with you people

00:42:12.760 love you precisely because you're irascible and you tell it like it is you're not mean you're very kind

00:42:20.600 but you don't modulate and and so that kind of snapped it in my head because the thing that i was

00:42:26.280 thinking about oh maybe i should hold my tongue is precisely what she was saying no no that's that's what

00:42:31.640 people love about you so so even the one who's writing the book about regret can can themselves

00:42:38.520 experience a sense of regret and on that and and on that and it's it's a the little tiny sneak peek

00:42:44.920 that we can only get on your book there uh professor um you know when somebody has that regret and and

00:42:53.400 i think the probably the most percentage within that would be a guy or a girl who cheated on their wife

00:43:00.440 uh husband or a girlfriend boyfriend and they sit there and they they they drink it away pill it

00:43:08.920 away or they're jaded and they think every guy that they meet next even if it's a really good guy

00:43:15.880 is going to do the same thing how do you break that like when you you know if you're someone listening

00:43:23.080 watching how do you snap out of that that's a tough thing to do and a follow-up to that uh something

00:43:30.520 you had mentioned you know i hear people always and i this drives me absolutely insane what if what if

00:43:39.240 and the most thing that makes my head pop off of my neck and please elaborate as long as you would

00:43:45.160 like to on this one well things are supposed to be like this we should be doing this or this isn't

00:43:53.080 how things are supposed to be and i always say and have a lot who the fuck told what what are you are

00:44:00.120 are you the book of life that told you they can't who came down and told you that this is how it should

00:44:05.080 be oh i know and this is what i call uh from cooper you gotta you get he would you would it would be

00:44:12.120 fun if you would talk to rich cooper he's he's got he's 20 uh uh he made a gazillion dollars uh

00:44:19.080 with this alpha male thing and entrepreneur of cars but one of the things and it actually relates

00:44:25.000 to your book and i want to get to it is the committee and boy do i know a lot about the

00:44:30.520 committee and and this relates to everything we're saying i know i'm throwing a lot of you once

00:44:34.680 uh but yeah i'm trying to keep up here sorry you know but i'm excited to talk to you as well

00:44:40.120 and thank you but it all relates to your book and the committee is when and this could be job related

00:44:46.760 as we had discussed uh this is very most in relationships you and your wife get in an

00:44:55.400 argument and you got lucky she goes and calls the mom the brother friends the whole friend down the

00:45:03.000 street the other bozo the other bozo the other bozo the other bozo and all the bozos and the other one

00:45:09.800 say oh you should leave them or with the job thing oh well you make a lot you know that's a stable job

00:45:16.280 whatever and now you really want to be an artist but you're not you're working in a warehouse you know

00:45:21.720 with here and there you get promotions but and then you're 80 years old and when you come down here you'll

00:45:26.600 see it you'll see these 80 year old guys walking around and they're dressed in you know i don't know

00:45:33.160 what they had done before but they're dressed in just crazy clothing or polos of course they're with

00:45:37.800 a hot girl because you know all the life they worked to death but you could just see that they

00:45:44.120 found what they wanted to be and i was friends with some of them and i said what did you do all

00:45:48.440 your life i worked on wall street and hated everybody a bit of it and then i would walk in

00:45:53.000 and they would be painting at like 86 and i always wanted to be a painter you know yeah well okay there's

00:45:59.960 a lot there to unpack so i can repeat it i'm sorry there are so many different places i could go so i

00:46:06.120 i hope that i address all of your various threads i'll try to tie it up but to your earlier point when

00:46:11.960 you said uh you know you have a fight and uh she goes off to speak to her friend whatever so let me

00:46:19.320 offer you some tips uh regarding those kinds of issues i'm not necessarily you but to your audience

00:46:24.360 please do sir we never we never go to bed angry again that sounds like a cliche no but i am allergic

00:46:35.960 and i think her too but although maybe i might be even more intolerant of negativity you know how when

00:46:43.000 people fight then they start pouting towards each other there is silence i'm not very good at that i'm

00:46:48.440 very very communicative let's hash it out then let's hug it out and then when we enter the sanctity

00:46:55.080 of that bedroom whether there is going to be sexy time or there isn't going to be sexy time

00:47:00.200 we have to end it on a loving note so we we never ever i mean literally i've been with my wife for 23

00:47:06.200 years we have never gone to bed angry at each other now that doesn't mean that there haven't been

00:47:11.800 moments of friction during a given day but we finish it right there we never because when

00:47:18.280 you let it language it's like a corrosive poison it's eating away at your existence it's normal

00:47:26.200 for me to be angry at her for something she did it's normal for her to be angry at me for something

00:47:30.600 i did let's resolve it let's kiss let's say i love you and let's move on so that's number one

00:47:37.240 i'm trying to remember the other threads what were some other questions you asked sure i'll start with

00:47:41.480 the first one so i'm sorry i threw all them at you like a like a machine gun so if if you're

00:47:49.640 someone who say cheated on their spouse or vice versa how do you get over that because you get stuck in

00:47:56.120 that web and then uh more so with this one with a woman they're jaded and then they think every guy

00:48:02.200 is going to cheat on them and lie to them with a man they compare every woman whether they want to

00:48:08.200 admit it or not in my opinion they compare every woman to that woman that they messed up with and

00:48:14.840 are constantly thinking i shouldn't have done that whatever and then that's got to kill the happiness

00:48:20.600 how do you do how do you break out of that cloak yeah so here i'm gonna throw throw at you some uh

00:48:28.040 evolutionary psychology knowledge from my scientific uh career uh it turns out that the likelihood of a

00:48:37.160 relationship ending if a man cheats on a wife versus if a woman cheats uh on on his partner

00:48:46.440 is is very asymmetric if a woman cheats on a man it almost guarantees the dissolution of the marriage

00:48:54.280 it's about 90 percent if a man cheats on a woman it's only about 30 percent so there's a three time

00:49:03.240 three-fold greater likelihood of the relationship ending if the woman cheats on a man now if you're

00:49:10.040 some idiot who takes women's studies courses at oberlin college then you you argue that that's due to

00:49:17.240 the patriarchy it's the double standard of patriarchy well no the reason why that asymmetry exists and not

00:49:26.760 not condoning it nor justifying it just explaining it is because the evolutionary threat of a woman

00:49:35.080 cheating on a man looms much much larger genetically than the other way around because humans are a

00:49:42.040 bi-parental species right human males are actually super dads in the animal kingdom we may not we may not

00:49:50.200 invest as much as much as women do in the human context but we are still super dads we are officially

00:49:55.800 a bi-parental species so it doesn't make sense for your ancestors and mine to have not cared if their

00:50:02.520 women go around with 73 guys because then i don't know if the if the kid that i'm going to invest in for

00:50:08.760 the next 18 years until he reaches his reproductive maturity whether he's mine or he's the sexy gardener

00:50:15.080 who comes from that course right therefore it makes evolutionary sense for us to have evolved the

00:50:22.840 emotional the cognitive the behavioral system that makes it makes us very intolerant of caculdry of a

00:50:30.520 woman cheating on us so right off the bat there is a distinct asymmetry in terms of how likely it is to

00:50:38.680 be a fatal reality if one cheats or the other but the more important question might be to ask

00:50:44.920 the following should you cheat or not or can you reduce life is a trade-off right uh i'm not the

00:50:52.360 ugliest guy in the world i have you know pretty high status there are there's a long line of forgive me

00:51:01.480 i'm not trying to be a modest i'm trying to make a point i can have a long line of possible women who

00:51:08.200 i could easily get yet i willfully choose not to because two things to violate the sanctity of what

00:51:17.800 i have with my wife would not allow me to do that and whatever i stand to lose however small the

00:51:24.040 probability might be that she leaves me or doesn't leave me is not worth me pursuing those otherwise very

00:51:29.720 natural urges so it's not as though i don't see tons of women and go oh my goodness is she beautiful

00:51:37.960 right oh my goodness can my mind go so there is nothing unnatural or immoral for me having you know

00:51:45.880 responded to that stimulus what makes me hopefully better than the next guy is that i weigh the pros and

00:51:54.440 cons i also have not only do i have the darwinian instinct to want to mate with many women but i also

00:52:01.640 have the darwinian moral compass that allows me to put a stop on that instinct right we we all have a

00:52:08.920 desire to eat as much fatty foods as we can but if you do that repetitively you end up like god sad was

00:52:15.960 at 256 pounds but had i not done that had i used another set of instincts to hone that in then i

00:52:25.240 wouldn't have had to lose 86 pounds so life is trade-offs it's perfectly understandable look we are

00:52:32.120 a and i actually talk about this in the in the forthcoming book i have a chapter on variety as the

00:52:37.960 spice of life and then the chapter title has sometimes in brown right why am i saying sometimes

00:52:46.280 because for some domains it makes perfect sense to seek variety if you're in a monogamous marriage

00:52:53.240 well it may not be a good idea to seek uh sexual variety even though we all have that urge and

00:52:59.800 including of course women can i maybe just share with you some true very strong scientific evidence

00:53:06.680 that suggests that women are hardly these prudish little saints that we'd like to think they are

00:53:12.360 please please do get ready number one women are much more likely to cheat when they are in the

00:53:21.400 maximally fertile phase of their ovulatory cycle meaning that their desire to shop for other genes i mean

00:53:32.040 literally shop for other genes increase when they are most likely to be impregnated by another man

00:53:41.160 number one number two women if they cheat on their long-term partner they're more likely than not to cheat

00:53:48.760 with someone who is of superior genetic stock so i may i'm speaking now as a woman i may marry bill gates

00:53:59.480 but i cheat with the really hot uh gardener who's got the olympic swimmer's body so the ideal strategy

00:54:08.680 for me is to convince geeky bill gates that no no the child really looks like you even though he's in a

00:54:17.640 spitting image of rico the greek gardener right no no it's no it's not laughing but it's true

00:54:25.160 right okay so that's number two number three uh robin and by the way all this stuff is in the

00:54:33.560 forthcoming book so if you like this stuff july july you gotta have a talk you gotta have a little bit

00:54:40.120 too long man i hope i'm not giving too much stuff that they won't want to buy the book but hopefully

00:54:45.560 i'm just titillating their curiosity uh this is from robin baker who wrote a great book i think it was

00:54:53.080 1996 called sperm wars uh and i actually tried to get robin baker to come on my show where we know

00:55:00.200 each other from you know scientific circles and so on uh but he retired he's he's probably now in

00:55:05.000 his late 70s early 80s so he wrote back to me very sweetly said hell you know i would have loved to have

00:55:09.560 a conversation but i'm out of the whole thing so he never came anyways you can check out his book

00:55:14.600 it's robin baker's sperm wars in that book he talks about the fact that they are actually

00:55:20.840 phenotypically there are three types of spermatozoa that men produce so we typically think of

00:55:28.280 the the fertilizing sperm right there's there is the sort of the genetic dna head and then there is

00:55:34.200 the the vigorous tail and then there's 250 million spermatozoa in one ejaculation they're all fighting to

00:55:41.240 get to that proverbial promised land the egg to fertilize it and one out of 250 million will win

00:55:47.240 that genetic lottery okay but it turns out according to robin baker that that's not true that there are

00:55:53.800 two other types of if you like uh forms of sperm in a man's ejaculate one is called blocker the other one

00:56:03.720 is called killer the blocker spermatozoa just stands if you'd like at the entrance of the reproductive

00:56:13.080 tract of women blocking the possibility of entrance of another man's sperm and killer spermatozoa don't

00:56:21.720 look for the egg to fertilize but rather they are looking for other men's sperm to kill now let me close

00:56:30.600 the loop on this sperm is is viable within a woman's reproductive tract for roughly 72 hours

00:56:40.440 so for a man to have evolved the chemical weaponry to have not only fertilizer sperm the traditional

00:56:49.320 sperm that you know of but to have killer sperm looking for another man's sperm to kill

00:56:54.840 and blocker sperm stopping another man's sperm from coming into the reproductive tract that means

00:57:01.400 that evolutionarily speaking the likelihood that your female ancestors and mine would have very much

00:57:09.800 slept with multiple men within a 72-hour period okay so that's that's should hopefully blow the mind of a

00:57:17.560 lot of men that are listening yeah first off those two get those two sperm guys are assholes

00:57:22.840 and you know and second off i i get it through ever through evolution that that the body just adapted

00:57:31.080 and and created that right like as we evolved yeah and so exactly to what you just asked

00:57:39.320 it is female promiscuity that shapes male physiology now let me let me unpack that for you so this is

00:57:48.680 another piece of evidence that i discuss in the in the forthcoming book so if you look at the size of a

00:57:54.920 primates testes testicles across different primates okay so let's look at a few let's look at extremes

00:58:05.080 mountain gorilla silverback gorilla the males are majestic they're this gorgeous like hulk supermen 400 pounds

00:58:15.320 but probably 10 to 20 times stronger than any the strongest man alive very very small testicles

00:58:22.200 gentlemen why because their mating system is called the official fancy scientific term is polygynous

00:58:30.040 polygynous means one male with multiple females meaning the dominant male

00:58:35.400 banishes all of the other males he has a harem and he controls the sexual access to many many females

00:58:45.400 therefore the mating system within mountain gorillas does is not conducive to sperm wars because it is very

00:58:54.280 likely that the females are only being inseminated by a single male even though some of them will go and

00:58:59.960 cheat with with another one now let's take the other extreme and then i'll link it to humans in a second

00:59:06.360 chimpanzees are walking testicles okay chimpanzees are massive balls so what do you expect the females in

00:59:17.160 that species they're having sex left and right left and right we have a fight we have sex we say hello we

00:59:23.160 have sex we're in disagreement we have sex and not sex with one sex everywhere therefore men's or males

00:59:32.680 physiology and anatomy in this case the size of the testicles are an adaptation are an evolutionary

00:59:42.760 adaptation to female promiscuity within that species the more the female is promiscuous the bigger the

00:59:49.800 testicles of the males of that species so now gentlemen we come to what all of your millions of viewers and

00:59:55.960 listeners want to know so what about the balls of human beings are we on the mountain gorilla side

01:00:03.640 or are we on the chimpanzee side do you want to take any guesses which side we're more on

01:00:09.720 i'm going to say the mountain gorilla side yeah that's my okay well you're being a unrealistic

01:00:15.720 optimist so that tells you that your answer is wrong we are actually closer to chimps in the sense that

01:00:23.240 our our testicles are not nearly as big i mean by the way it's adjusted for for body size right uh

01:00:30.440 so what does that mean that means that if female promiscuity is the mechanism that leads to the

01:00:38.200 the adaptation of male testicles and since human males have larger testicles on average when you map

01:00:47.400 all primates that means our human females your female ancestors and mine were getting busy in the bushes

01:00:55.400 with a few guys so you put all that together and it shows you that both men and women have a desire for

01:01:03.720 variety seeking but we also have the desire for long-term coupling because we have to evolve the

01:01:11.560 romantic love for us to stay together long enough to raise those children until they're 18. so it's

01:01:18.600 perfectly normal and natural to desire other people but depending on who you are you either instantiate

01:01:26.040 that darwinian instinct or you say you know what i'm not going to violate the sanctity of my marriage

01:01:31.640 and i'm going to keep it in my pants and so that's so to answer your question in a very long-winded way

01:01:37.480 rather than succumbing to the temptation and then regretting it why don't you think about possibly

01:01:46.040 if you've got a good marriage you know keeping it in the pants and hopefully you can grow old and happy

01:01:51.640 together real quick doctor uh on that point so nowadays social media tv i mean you're getting non-stop

01:02:01.080 stuff thrown your way right compared to say 20 years ago and not that people didn't cheat 20 years

01:02:07.240 ago or 30 years ago or 40 years ago but now it's like it seems like it's rampant because you know

01:02:13.560 you look at a let's say a woman looking at a guy and she looks over her husband like man he used to be

01:02:18.520 ripped and chiseled and then she's on her phone and it's like this chiseled guy comes up and it's like

01:02:24.840 because the phone probably heard her say that so now it brings up a chiseled guy so she's like

01:02:30.280 well he's worthless so let me so with time i'm saying do you think it's gotten worse and how do you

01:02:39.320 i guess you just turn the phone off and turn the tv off right you don't look at it but it's so much

01:02:44.600 information that's being thrown and and i think that's why a lot of times divorces are higher and

01:02:49.800 you know you could probably speak for that but yeah well by the way i've done research that speaks

01:02:54.920 to your point where i mean scientific research where i looked at things like you know how much

01:03:00.120 information do men and women look at before they decide to commit to a mate so for example uh let's

01:03:08.280 say there are up to 25 attributes that i can look at so i could look at how intelligent she is i could look

01:03:16.040 at how beautiful she is how caring she is so there's you know how much income she makes whatever

01:03:21.320 right so if i were to present you with a task where i'd like you to open up as much of this

01:03:28.120 information as possible and then you decide so you could look at as little as one attribute

01:03:34.840 up to 25 attributes how many will you look at before you stop and either say this person is a dud

01:03:42.840 i don't want to go out with them or you stop and say i will i choose this one well it turns out

01:03:50.360 as is perfectly explainable from evolutionary psychology that women when it comes to rejection

01:03:56.920 behavior right in other words how much information do i need to look at before i reject a bunch of

01:04:02.280 suitors women arrive at that decision much more quickly than men in other words it takes a lot less

01:04:08.600 less convincing to convince women that a bunch of guys are losers than the other way around i mean

01:04:14.120 for for a guy to be convinced to not mate with a woman she has to have tails and horns before he says

01:04:19.160 no right whereas it takes now the answer the evolutionary reason for that is very simple

01:04:25.720 women are sexually more choosy because the minimal obligatory parental investment that they have

01:04:31.640 to provide if they become pregnant is a lot larger than men in other words the the cost of making a

01:04:37.480 poor mate choice looms much larger for women than it does for men so it makes sense that they would

01:04:42.280 be choosier on the other hand when it comes to choosing decisions like in other words how much

01:04:48.600 information do i look at before i stop and choose a mate then women search for more information before

01:04:55.480 they commit so they they use less information to reject partners but they use more information to choose

01:05:03.800 partners now why is that related to what you're asking because what you're saying is the contemporary

01:05:09.640 world instead of it being 25 attributes now we can go on our app and look at 75 000 suitors rather than

01:05:18.360 you know the seven guys that were in our village when we were in our evolutionary past uh that's what

01:05:25.080 by the way makes hookup culture so alluring to so many people right certainly young people i mean i was

01:05:31.080 i was i was already married when all the the tinder and all that stuff was happening so

01:05:36.360 i never quote benefited from the hookup culture in that sense but now many many both men and women will

01:05:43.240 speak exactly to your question which is how am i supposed to be with one person when i can get on tinder

01:05:49.960 whenever i'm feeling in the mood and i can get the whole buffet of super sexy guys or super sexy girls and so on

01:05:58.920 it's a struggle but again life is about trade-offs i wouldn't trade all the beautiful women in the

01:06:06.360 world for my wife that doesn't mean that i don't appreciate the fact that there are tons of women

01:06:10.440 that i would love to be with but you know how uh i feel what bird it is and even even the monkey you

01:06:17.400 know the alpha monkey he'll run around and everybody stands and he'll break trees to keep his spot to stay

01:06:23.400 the alpha so we can basically keep the woman there's that one bird that will spend i wish i

01:06:29.640 could remember the name i'm sure you know this bird will spend hours flapping its feathers like this

01:06:36.280 peacock uh no it's not a peacock but there'll be like five of them and whichever maybe a hundred of them

01:06:42.120 and whichever one can do its dance the best is the one that's going to get lucky that day and that

01:06:47.720 would relate to your superior right and these birds i mean they got to be in shape to do this

01:06:53.960 so i'm gonna break it down for you scientifically tommy and actually it's in this book right here

01:07:00.040 and in this book right here so the evolutionary basis of consumption which is a scientific book

01:07:05.560 and then the consuming instinct which is a book meant for the masses what you just described is what's

01:07:10.440 called lekking behavior like a lek lek is a physical space where typically birds usually male birds

01:07:23.000 will enter the lek will engage in some sort of sexual signal it could be ruffling into the feathers it

01:07:29.560 could be a a kind of a vocal thing right and what happens is all the females stand at the periphery of the

01:07:38.920 lek as an audience and then they choose who is the best one now there's there are many many examples

01:07:46.280 of lacking behavior especially with bird species one of the most beautiful ones is there is a red capped

01:07:54.040 mannequin uh in central america that his lacking behavior is a moonwalk a dance i mean i'm telling you

01:08:03.800 michael jackson should be paying royalties to this bird yeah because if you if you watch and you can

01:08:10.680 you can check it on google later uh he does you actually have to slow you have to slow it to one

01:08:17.480 five hundredth of the speed for the human eye to be able to pick up the kind of move he does and then

01:08:23.640 the females are sitting around in the tree and then they pick okay this is the top dancer this is the guy

01:08:29.720 that's got the genetic stuff that i'm looking for now why why does your question resonate with me so

01:08:35.880 much is because that describes by the way 30 years of my scientific career because what i've done in

01:08:42.760 my scientific career is take these evolutionary principles that we typically see in other animals

01:08:50.840 and i argue that consumer behavior for those of you who don't know i'm an evolutionary psychologist but

01:08:57.640 also a consumer psychologist so i apply evolutionary biology and evolutionary psychology to study

01:09:02.600 consumer behavior so i argue that many of the consumer choices that we make are nothing but these

01:09:10.200 types of lacking behavior so example one of the one of the scientific papers that that received the

01:09:17.800 most attention that i published was a paper in 2009 that i uh authored with one of my former

01:09:25.000 graduate students where we looked at what happens to men's testosterone levels when they engage in a

01:09:33.960 act of conspicuous consumption driving a fancy car right so the porsche or the maserati or the ferrari

01:09:42.920 is akin to the peacock's tail in the human context right so what we did basically is we brought young men

01:09:50.840 we rented a porsche now imagine i always joke and i tell people imagine trying to go to a scientific

01:09:59.400 agency asking for money funding for a porsche and you're saying i swear it's for science guys it's for

01:10:10.360 science i i agree with you a hundred percent so we rented a porsche we got a beaten up old car

01:10:16.120 and we and when when each man would come to our experiment this wasn't the psychology experiments

01:10:24.520 imagine if you were driving no we actually made them drive the two cars they drove the the shitty car

01:10:32.040 they drove the fancy porsche and they did it in two environments so to your point about the birds

01:10:37.960 remember i was talking about lex yeah so they they drove the two cars either in a non-lek or in a

01:10:44.600 lek now what does that mean in the human context non-lek you drive it on a semi deserted highway

01:10:50.120 where nobody sees you a lek is in downtown montreal there is a street called crescent street where all

01:10:57.000 of the male imbeciles drive around all night with the music blasting look at me look at my peacock tail

01:11:03.960 correct so we had the men drive these two cars in those two environments now what was the dependent

01:11:10.440 variable that we measured guys testosterone levels how did we measure it we measured it using salivary

01:11:17.400 assays where we could then measure testosterone and what do you think happened when you put young men

01:11:23.320 in the porsche exactly as you just went like this their testosterone levels explode it's like they've

01:11:29.640 been doping for the tour de france for the past six years right why because you are imbuing me i'm

01:11:36.840 speaking now as one of the subjects you are imbuing me with immediate high social status now we know

01:11:43.160 from the animal kingdom when two rivals fight the winner sees a rise in testosterone the loser sees a

01:11:51.400 drop in testosterone so i said hey let me test this idea to show that consumers are nothing but

01:11:58.040 wealthy animals yeah and that's exactly what i thought so my whole career has been nothing but

01:12:03.480 taking biological principles and demonstrating that when we put on our consumer decision-making hat

01:12:11.560 we're not far from being animals ourselves that's amazing believe it or not i know i don't look it but

01:12:16.840 i read ncbi all the time all the independent case studies all of it i'm so into it that's why i asked you

01:12:23.720 about the birds because i think it relates to today and that was a great study that you did

01:12:27.880 and i and i had a lamborghini i mean i'm not a bad looking guy but let me tell you when i had a

01:12:34.360 lamborghini and a bentley i i could take my pick and nowadays you know all your testosterone's low

01:12:44.120 here take testosterone blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah when we can find in case studies real

01:12:52.360 actual case studies not done by pfizer and jerk offs like them ones like you did that if you put a man

01:12:59.240 in a car like you just said i know i'm repeating it their testosterone goes up okay so a lot of times

01:13:06.440 i think you know and i've and i talked to him about this i see these guys uh i know a lot about this i see

01:13:14.280 these guys go into the hrt clinics and the trt clinics and i don't know what they're doing over there

01:13:20.040 but my head's blown off because they will give them testosterone for no reason they don't give

01:13:26.040 them any anti-estrogen why so they come back and get more and pay more right you know you know that

01:13:31.880 obviously why who what doctor in the right mind would give somebody you know sipinate or ethanate and

01:13:38.360 not give them some type of anti-estrogen why because when you come off of it you're going to feel like

01:13:42.840 shit so you go back to get more but in case studies that were actually done like yours

01:13:50.120 just because it says 300 doesn't mean that they need to go shoot testing their ass every week it

01:13:56.600 could be lifestyle change drive so on and so forth of course i said that was a great study yeah by the

01:14:03.800 way just to your point about you owning and uh you know all those fancy cars uh did one of my what

01:14:11.800 one of my brothers uh in california uh i have three siblings uh all of whom are much older than me

01:14:20.600 they so they're 10 12 and 13 years older than me uh the the one who's closest in age who's the guy

01:14:27.880 who's 10 years older than me uh was a very very very wealthy and successful dot-com guy uh from about

01:14:35.640 the mid-80s to roughly the mid-90s he he amassed a gigantic fortune in southern california and he so

01:14:43.800 he he owned three ferraris he owned an aston martin lagunda for those of you who may know what that is

01:14:51.960 and you know all kinds of other you know peacocking stuff uh now the reason i'm mentioning this is

01:14:57.800 because there's a story in the book which again i'm i'm hesitant don't say too much let it go let

01:15:04.760 it go just give it a tease so there's a story in the book well because i don't want to kill i don't

01:15:09.640 want to kill you get you in trouble you know and then they're like no you're not coming to florida

01:15:13.640 hell no you're not talking to him again let's just say this he is a five foot four guy on his best day

01:15:25.080 but he walks as though he's six foot four for two reasons number one he's got unbelievable

01:15:33.000 self-confidence and number two it really helps when you can pull out the chain the chain key

01:15:40.120 that has a ferrari uh on it and suddenly the girl is no longer uh concerned about you being over six

01:15:48.680 feet tall so uh having that kind of status and self-confidence is the is the great equalizer i

01:15:54.840 won't mention a specific story that's super cool in the book that speaks to that uh but to your point

01:16:03.400 maybe it's shallow maybe it's just evolutionary women certainly do do i'm yeah i'm just being

01:16:09.480 charitable yeah uh look uh i could here's another study from from my work it's not published yet

01:16:17.400 this is gonna this is not actually in the book so i'm gonna say it openly without hesitation

01:16:22.040 that ferrari is awesome though right isn't that awesome i like that uh so we did this so this is a

01:16:27.320 study i did with one of my former doctoral students uh who's now himself a uh you know a senior

01:16:33.960 professor shared professor uh we created these two versions of a personal ad like that you would

01:16:42.600 find let's say in a dating app and the only thing we manipulated so there's a picture of the guy

01:16:49.000 there's all kinds of description about him and the only thing that changed is here is my favorite

01:16:54.440 personal possession and it was either some shitty red car or it was a spankingly beautiful new red porsche

01:17:04.920 that's the only difference between the two experimental conditions now we asked men and women to evaluate

01:17:12.200 this guy you ready for this yeah we asked them on many many different traits but i'm going to only mention

01:17:21.720 one for the purposes of this conversation how tall is that guy i bet you he's six two six one

01:17:30.680 no but remember i just said both men and women evaluate him so what do you think happens

01:17:37.880 uh men men probably say he's shorter like short not you know whatever and women are probably he's taller

01:17:47.480 bigger perfect see yeah the fact that you got that shows you that within all of us is an evolutionary

01:17:56.440 psychologist because we are darwinian beings we understand these now you could take professor sad's

01:18:01.960 course to learn all the fancy science but instinctually you knew the answer and it's exactly right

01:18:07.640 you got it women and so i call these two effects the status elongation and status contraction effects

01:18:18.520 the women look at the guy who was in the porsche oh he was tall why because height is a cue of status

01:18:27.400 one of several cues you having that high status car correlates with that so magically even though

01:18:35.080 objectively he didn't magically become taller but my perceptual lenses will make you taller on the other

01:18:43.880 hand when you ask a man to evaluate i am most intimidated not by a guy who's got prettier shoulders than

01:18:51.880 me that does i don't i'm not intimidated by that but if you get a guy who's got higher status than me now

01:18:58.040 i'm pissed off now that's triggering my my same-sex rivalry juices therefore when i see that with the

01:19:06.520 porsche i need to derogate him i need to insult him so i put on my my perceptual lenses that are biased

01:19:15.160 and what do i say oh he must be some short little puny guy with a small penis that's why i was just gonna

01:19:21.320 say we would say we would say we would say when we were growing up you know like the uh what do you call

01:19:26.680 uh the trust fund kids that are out of the cars we would call them pencil dicks there you go so so the

01:19:33.720 psychology is that's the beauty of evolutionary psychology because the exact same stimulus which

01:19:40.440 objectively should not cause me to think you're taller or shorter just because you're standing next to a porsche

01:19:46.520 not only does it do that to me but it does it in opposite directions depending on whether it's

01:19:52.520 the woman who's evaluating or the man that's the beauty of evolutionary psychology and isn't it funny

01:19:58.120 that almost all evolution when you look at animals because i read about them all the time

01:20:04.520 it's almost with all of them even see even in the sea they're they'll do like a lot of chameleons and i'll

01:20:11.400 get off this because maybe it's boring but a lot of community it's like uh the one that that can be

01:20:16.440 a chameleon the most that's the one that's gonna mate you know things like that you know it's just so

01:20:21.800 cool when you see that and then when you apply it like you had just said uh professor you know i don't

01:20:28.040 know how anybody can deny that you know there's no relation i don't know well so a couple of points

01:20:35.240 let me first mention the chameleon part then i'll talk about the the denial of biology in a second

01:20:40.200 uh so in the parasitic mind in my last book this one the yellow one good book thank you so much

01:20:46.440 uh i have a section that i call male feminists as sneaky fuckers now that sounds as though i'm

01:20:57.640 i'm being profane in my language but that's actually a real zoological term and it comes from a study

01:21:05.240 of a whole bunch of species some of which are actually in the sea others are not but many of

01:21:11.240 them are in the sea where you have two types of males you have the traditional phenotype of a

01:21:18.520 dominant male then there are these other small males who can't get the girls if they try to compete on

01:21:26.440 those metrics so they pretend that they are females so that the dominant males lets them through and

01:21:35.560 then they engage in surreptitious coupling in other words i have to convince that right so then because

01:21:42.680 i i knew about this phenomena by the way the fancy term that i mean sneaky fuckers is one term the even the

01:21:51.160 fancier term is called kleptogamy is stealing mating opportunities right so i pretend that i am something

01:21:59.080 to then get access to the girls so then that's when i had my light bulb i so this phenomenon had been

01:22:05.400 documented in the zoology literature back in the 1970s my unique contribution was to argue that male

01:22:13.640 feminists the the super sensitive woke feminists are actually engaging in kleptogamy right look how

01:22:21.960 empathetic i am look how gentle i am i hugged the trees i really care about the refugees now maybe you

01:22:29.320 could give me a shot at having sex with you and so there is real power if you want to understand human

01:22:36.120 behavior to look at all of our animal cousins because that then says a lot about why we do the things that

01:22:41.800 we do so okay so that's one number two about your biology denial my whole career my scientific career

01:22:50.120 has been defined by the fact that most of my breathtakingly imbecilic colleagues reject the idea

01:22:59.560 that biology matters and explaining human behavior in general and consumer behavior in particular so most

01:23:07.000 social scientists it may or may not surprise you actually till today if your children go to

01:23:13.480 college they will learn that what makes humans different from all other animals is that we

01:23:19.880 transcend our biology we are a cultural animal so evolution matters for the mosquito evolution matters

01:23:26.840 for the dog and the zebra but come on professor surely you don't mean that evolution matters for consumer

01:23:32.840 behavior surely you don't mean that consumers are animals well that's exactly what i mean idiot yeah

01:23:38.520 you think that somehow when we put on our our consumer hats we exist in a plane where our hormones don't

01:23:46.600 matter where our biology ceases to matter but that's the and by the way that's how i originally

01:23:54.440 realized that there was a problem in academia so what eventually led me 25 30 years down my academic

01:24:01.960 career to write the parasitic mind was that i saw all of these profoundly imbecilic ideas being

01:24:10.440 promulgated on university campuses and i would kind of look around and say who who believes this

01:24:16.760 bullshit how could you believe that our hormones don't affect our economic decision making i mean what i mean

01:24:24.280 i know for a fact that if i'm hungry or not so if my blood sugar is up or down it's going to affect

01:24:31.880 the type of decision that i make and yet economics as a discipline has evolved for a hundred years

01:24:39.240 without ever mentioning the world biology in the study of economics how could that be you see what

01:24:44.280 i'm saying so that's how i first became aware that there was a war against reason on university campuses

01:24:53.560 which now has metamorphosed into every possible arena may make a comment on your previous book and

01:24:59.480 then i'll get back to the current because this one won't get you in trouble so it it just relates to

01:25:04.920 it um i don't know if you saw this one but you you know uh so like in with monkeys if you notice the

01:25:13.480 alpha always has the babies around or the teenagers around and they're picking bugs off of them they're

01:25:20.120 they're they're they're uh cleaning them and i and i look at that as as like uh they're getting them

01:25:27.960 like as a human it's getting ready in a suit and tie ready to go to you know a big event where they

01:25:34.840 want to look good and meet somebody you know or going out to a prom whatever it may be that's how

01:25:40.200 i really look at it and then also they relate and this is where i i i think you've got to be out of your

01:25:47.080 mind not to agree with your biology it's just stupid so you had a so there was a bunch of dogs and they

01:25:55.880 were trying to get they were there was a bunch of there was a bunch of dogs and a bunch of monkeys

01:26:01.560 and one of the dogs had killed one of the mom's babies and the entire pack of monkeys tricked the

01:26:10.120 dog they literally hung out with the dog they jumped the fence and like the the farmer or whatever was

01:26:16.680 like oh okay they're getting along but they were tricking the dog to thinking it's okay they knew that

01:26:22.520 the dog's babies were in the shed whatever it was in they tricked this they tricked this

01:26:27.960 fucking dog for two three weeks i watched the whole thing read about it and then after three weeks they

01:26:33.560 got in to and they didn't just kill them they took that they took them and threw the dogs off trees and

01:26:39.400 threw every one of the babies because they killed one of their babies yeah and then you take that biology

01:26:45.800 and apply it to now where if somebody kills a mother's baby she might not go out and kill them

01:26:51.560 because we have jail here the monkey you know it doesn't but i relate that to to to your book is

01:26:57.640 there yes the emotion is there so i'll make a comment about both so your first example with the grooming

01:27:03.880 this is actually called reciprocal grooming in the animal literature because and i use it as an example

01:27:11.000 of how reciprocity evolves in the human context right so let's say tommy you and i are friends and

01:27:18.600 you decide uh to invite me for a fancy dinner for uh my birthday the expectation is that when it's your

01:27:28.120 birthday if we are good friends and i'm a decent guy when it's your birthday i will reciprocate and invite

01:27:34.360 you when it's your birthday now from a strict economic perspective we could bypass this whole ritual

01:27:39.800 because i'm going to pay a hundred bucks for you you're going to pay a hundred bucks for me we're

01:27:42.760 going to end up at the same place let's skip the whole thing the reason why we don't gentlemen is

01:27:47.800 because those bonds those rituals of reciprocity is what oils our our friendship it's the mechanism

01:27:57.160 by which we're oiling that affection towards each other and that's why by the way if you invite me

01:28:02.920 for my birthday and then i forget to reciprocate you will take offense to that you will your feelings

01:28:08.440 will be hurt and so reciprocal grooming by the way usually it's not one way so what happens is

01:28:16.760 you know you give your back and the other one is picking all the parasites the expectation is that we

01:28:22.280 then flip it and you do it to me right so that's one the the the example of uh the monkey with the dogs

01:28:30.120 that speaks to the evolution of our emotional system right so for example so i'll come back to the dog

01:28:37.560 monkey story there is a do you know the term schadenfrade do you know what that means no schadenfrade

01:28:45.240 is a german word which has entered now the you know the english language it means to rejoice at the

01:28:52.120 mishap of another so for example i'm driving my shitty car on the highway and this guy comes

01:29:00.440 whizzing by in a ferrari speeding past me and driving recklessly you know with some hot girl so

01:29:07.640 now i'm pissed like what what an asshole this guy he's endangering everybody's life five miles down the

01:29:12.840 road i see two cop cars that have pulled them over and now yeah so what do i feel yes yeah so that

01:29:21.640 emotional feeling actually has a very clear evolutionary reason for why it evolved so when

01:29:28.200 you are studying emotions or anything involving humans you have to always ask yourself why did the

01:29:34.760 mechanism evolved to be of that form so now i'm going to come back to the dog versus uh monkey story

01:29:42.840 that those monkeys have evolved the sentiment of revenge and retribution because because it makes

01:29:52.280 evolutionary sense for you to evolve that because the most dangerous thing for most animals is usually

01:29:59.480 when someone within your species does you wrong right and the only reason they typically don't do

01:30:05.960 something wrong to you is because they know that if you've got a long memory you will do it back to

01:30:10.920 them right so you know think about evolutionarily speaking there are two tribes i'd really like to

01:30:17.320 get all the hot women of that other tribe so that they can become mine the only problem is that there's

01:30:23.640 a lot of nasty looking guys in that tribe that would not be very happy if i did that they would remember

01:30:29.800 it and then they're going to do it to me and that keeps us if you'd like in check so my point in saying

01:30:36.120 all this is that what evolutionary psychology allows you to do is understand the ultimate

01:30:42.600 explanation for a phenomenon by ultimate what we mean by ultimate is the darwinian why why would that

01:30:50.360 monkey have evolved that capacity to manipulate in order to seek revenge well because there are

01:30:57.000 evolutionary reasons why that makes sense i mean they tricked these dogs for three weeks it's so

01:31:02.680 interesting i mean tricked them went they you know petted them played with it through they actually

01:31:07.480 threw the bone to them and next thing you know all the all the dogs are going off trees throwing them

01:31:13.240 off fridges and shit but you know it's interesting because and i was actually thinking of doing a sad

01:31:19.960 truth like a clip on my show about what i'm about to say because it speaks to your question so i'm reading

01:31:25.720 currently a book on uh stoicism by on marcus aurelius uh which is something that i you know i talk about

01:31:33.400 the ancient greeks and in my forthcoming book and the sad truth about happiness and so actually the

01:31:37.960 guy who wrote that book is going to be on my show tomorrow tomorrow his name is donald robertson

01:31:42.920 and so the stoics talk about you know uh never getting insulted when someone defays defames you you

01:31:53.000 you know being able to respond properly and from their vision there is no reason for you to respond

01:32:01.080 negatively and care about what other people say about you and i questioned that advice so yes a lot

01:32:07.800 of advice that the stoics gave was spot on but some of it i think was simply incorrect because it makes

01:32:15.880 no sense for me to have evolved such magnanimity that anything that tommy says he can go on any show

01:32:27.160 defame me and lie about me and i'm just going to go hmm i'm never going to react no you can you can

01:32:34.760 meditate meditate exactly it makes a lot more sense for me to say hey tommy i'm from the middle east if you

01:32:42.840 keep this up your head's going to be a little mantle and then that keeps things in check so i think that

01:32:49.800 this the stoics had a lot of depth and a lot of profundity but the fact that they suggested certain

01:32:57.560 courses of action that are contrary to evolutionary theory suggests that they may have needed to take

01:33:03.000 a course in evolutionary psychology with professor sad now uh another question on that so say you got

01:33:09.000 married and you messed it up and now you're living in regret going back to the regret thing oh yes how

01:33:15.800 does one get over that because now now you didn't go through the flags or you did go through the flags

01:33:21.000 but you still made a mistake how do you get over that as a male or female so that you can move on when

01:33:27.160 you're constantly in resent wishing so on and so forth so i i literally answered that exact question

01:33:37.880 in the forthcoming book so i'll give you a little bit of a hint uh or or a teaser if you wish to get

01:33:45.960 in the good graces of someone that you've wronged whether it be in the specific example that you gave

01:33:51.800 which is you cheated on your spouse or whether it be you you lied to a a friend or whether you you wronged

01:33:59.160 a child you have to be incredibly humble in your contriteness and your apology has to be costly

01:34:08.520 what do i mean by that it let's suppose so in biology there is a concept of costly signaling

01:34:16.600 so please bear with me it's yeah sure powerful so for example why has the peacock's tail evolved to be

01:34:23.240 so big so vivid in coloring when it actually reduces the likelihood of him surviving because

01:34:31.400 it makes him more conspicuous to predators it makes it more difficult for him to evade predators

01:34:37.400 by having a big tail well the reason why that tail evolves is precisely because it is a costly signal

01:34:43.960 what does that mean it is basically saying hey girls despite the fact that i've got this big tail

01:34:51.640 that reduces my survivability the fact that i'm standing here and ruffling this big tail and i

01:34:58.920 haven't died yet is proof that i'm really top genetic material this is an honest signal of how good i am

01:35:07.160 so mate with me so in other words first signal to be valuable it has to be costly otherwise it's useless

01:35:14.840 so let's put it in a human context before i come back to your question there are many rites of passage

01:35:21.080 across many different cultures where when men enter adulthood and they want to become warriors they

01:35:27.880 have to do this incredibly costly act of bravery otherwise they have no chance of ever getting a

01:35:34.120 girl in that tribe if all it took is for me to do 10 sit-ups or 10 push-ups and then i get the girls

01:35:40.840 then every single male could match that signal and then we would never know the pretenders from the real but

01:35:46.760 if you have to tie my ankles with vine ropes and jump off an 80-foot platform as happens in the island

01:35:55.640 of vanuatu where my head is about to splatter on the ground head first that's an honest signal because

01:36:03.320 it is truly differentiating the the cowards from the really courageous courageous guys who are going to

01:36:10.440 protect me if i have sex with you right now let's link it back to what you said if you cheated on your

01:36:16.360 wife and you expect that maybe a a dinner and a bottle of wine and i am really sorry i love you is

01:36:25.000 going to do it it's not going to do it you have to do whatever it takes for however long it takes

01:36:32.840 however costly the signal is however amount of time you're going to be uh you know uh humiliated by

01:36:40.920 her to get back into her good graces i actually quote a passage from a movie where they were

01:36:47.960 intimidating exactly that where the guy had cheated on his wife to be and now was trying to apologize and

01:36:56.040 her father says to the the guy who cheated well you keep doing it and keep doing it for as long as it

01:37:03.800 takes and hopefully her defense is false so to answer to summarize everything i said the love is humble

01:37:12.120 so if you're too prideful so that you say well i apologize three times and she never accepted so f her

01:37:20.440 then that means it's not going to work but if you're willing to self-flagellate for however long

01:37:25.480 it takes to get back into her good graces then that's what you have to do no matter how long it

01:37:30.760 takes no matter how long it takes right no matter how long it takes this book better get me a house

01:37:38.200 in southern california because the amount of wisdom that i'm spitting in that book it should not be 29 bucks

01:37:45.800 it should be like 290 bucks i agree with the pull up uh tab to uh where he looks where i want to know

01:37:52.040 what he eats takes and he's going to get in trouble with his wife for uh the next tab

01:37:57.960 next now yeah yeah these are some of your reviews you even got megan kelly and she is not easy to get

01:38:03.640 a review from there pal so uh congratulations on that thank you so i got megan kelly you got jordan

01:38:09.400 peterson who else you got here you got jordan peterson drew pinsky yeah uh you've got aaron

01:38:14.840 curiarty who's a psychiatrist from uc irvine uh who else do i have i've got a whole bunch here

01:38:22.600 oh i've got a historian who wrote a book on happiness a history in other words he does a

01:38:30.200 historical analysis of the concept of happiness spanning many cultures and many thousands of years

01:38:37.160 uh who else i've got a whole bunch i think i got seven or eight really top people but yeah you

01:38:41.560 pointed to some of the more famous ones pinsky peterson and kelly absolutely yeah everybody

01:38:46.280 knows uh peter but uh kelly you know she's tough she she's she's tough so you know for her i gotta

01:38:52.440 tell you megan kelly megan kelly maybe i'll get into trouble for this if if if one were to get a halt

01:39:01.240 pass as they say megan kelly is the megan kelly is the ultimate woman you know why because number one

01:39:07.240 i mean she's a honey badger she takes right but she's not a honey badger while sacrificing her

01:39:14.440 femininity right which basically proves that you could be a very tough alpha female yeah and yet

01:39:21.800 still you know breathtakingly beautiful and feminine so beautiful she's got it all megan kelly is the full

01:39:28.360 package that that's why i was i pulled that up uh because even whether you like her don't like her

01:39:34.920 everyone knows she's she's an alpha female speaking of hall passes though who would my hall pass would

01:39:42.120 be jennifer aniston jennifer aniston jennifer aniston is my hall pass no you know what i'm i'm going to

01:39:49.000 have to very respectfully but staunchly disagree with that hall pass no you don't like that one i don't

01:39:56.440 know something about you know well i don't know if you know this but i always i mean i i say it in a

01:40:01.800 joking humorous way but i actually mean it i say that i turn into a catatonic state if i see two

01:40:08.600 television shows come on with my tv friends friends and big bang theory those two shows are crimes

01:40:16.760 against human dignity so to the extent that jennifer aniston is in some way obviously associated with

01:40:25.320 friends i don't see her as a as a sexual being i see her as a stroke waiting to happen if i watched

01:40:33.480 that show i i think my whole past before she got with uh pete or whoever she's been now is her name

01:40:40.120 megan fox she was in oh megan fox megan fox i i might take in her prime he's the one now with the blue

01:40:45.800 eyes yeah the blue killer eyes yeah yeah yeah yeah she's she's nice maybe a bit if i i may offer

01:40:53.480 maybe a bit plastic yeah yeah that's what i mean in her prime before she got a little bit too maybe

01:40:59.800 like a decade ago not not right now where she's real plastic we'll say to be nice exactly exactly so she

01:41:08.200 so megan says says about the book no one is better at helping us laugh like you said you know that's just

01:41:14.760 so great at the madness of today's modern world which we all know is a mess then my dear friend

01:41:22.840 podcaster and therapist to us all dr gas at his new book the sad truth about happiness reveals the

01:41:31.320 secrets behind the optimistic approach to life and shows us how we can be happier to people and for her

01:41:38.120 to say that i will say five more times yeah you i don't think you could pay her off doc

01:41:46.280 no but there was there was no exchange of money i just made the request and she was very gracious

01:41:51.640 she said she'd love to do it she and she did it on time she's just lovely uh that's and by the way

01:41:57.640 that's that's the magic of life right which is these new connections that we make i mean look if we

01:42:03.640 didn't have this medium maybe you myself and you guys would have never met if i did not if i weren't

01:42:10.760 a professor who wanted to get out of the stay in your lane attitude if i only did my scientific work

01:42:16.840 only talk to other professors in the ivory tower i would have never had the pleasure of getting to know

01:42:22.520 megan kelly and tons of other people that i've gotten to know but otherwise our worlds would have

01:42:26.520 never intersected so that's actually something else that i talk in the book i have a whole chapter on so

01:42:31.640 that the chapter is titled life as a playground right meaning you know live your life as though

01:42:38.440 you're consistently at play right you see it in the conversation we're having today if if i can

01:42:44.040 speak of myself right i'm i'm excited i'm happy i'm i'm happy to talk there's no pretense there's no

01:42:49.960 arrogance it's just fun fun yeah you're getting people to hopefully enjoy the ideas that are floating

01:42:57.960 around in your brain what could be more exciting and fun even when i do scientific research which

01:43:02.760 you know is obviously a serious endeavor for me it's a form of intellectual play right i mean

01:43:08.920 what is science other than just solving a puzzle right so we can go and buy at the at the dollar

01:43:15.160 store a puzzle right you know when you make the puzzles with a with a thousand pieces i hate puzzles

01:43:20.760 i hate puzzles but i but i do but i do like looking on our microscope believe it or not i do

01:43:26.440 like looking on our microscope and seeing how cells mutate and spike proteins pull that back up because

01:43:32.600 i want to know who dressed you who dressed you who picked the font because whoever did that look at this

01:43:39.320 guy this guy hasn't ate this no i'm not being i'm being honest i mean you're very sweet you want to

01:43:46.360 you want to got the blue shirt look at you buddy with the blue text here's the blue eyes you ready

01:43:53.240 for this yeah i'm giving you now back door information who's the connection who's the connection

01:44:00.520 so so so that photo that photo shoot happened as i was coming out on the tail end of the worst

01:44:11.000 gastro virus for over a week so about two about two hours before i went for this photo shoot that

01:44:20.120 you so kindly complimented i called the the photographer and i said i i don't think i can

01:44:28.120 make it he said well what do you mean you can't make it we've got the studio we've got the makeup person

01:44:32.440 we got the photographers we've got everybody i said okay well does your does your studio have a bathroom

01:44:38.760 if i need it yes yes we're covered so luckily i didn't have to go to the bathroom because as i

01:44:43.880 said i was on the tail end of it but uh just to say that i'm pretty happy that it came out the way

01:44:50.040 that i did given the week that had transpired before that photo was taken i'm telling you die

01:44:55.960 you're gonna get in trouble on this one when this is on the bookshelves and barnes and nobles oh boy

01:45:00.760 you're gonna be in trouble you you better have some flowers ready when you're peeling them off you

01:45:05.640 you know we just talked about the ferrari you know what my wife i i don't know if you've ever

01:45:10.280 seen me do this on on social media whenever my wife gives me some sort of uh food that is kind

01:45:16.360 of a fattening food i always call it her mate guarding strategy yeah if i start looking as though

01:45:23.400 i'm too cut up and too svelte oh here come the cannolis oh here come the cannolis here comes the uh

01:45:29.640 uh they're hand she's gonna be cooking gravy for you where you could smell it a mile away or uh

01:45:35.320 you know i forget what uh down uh my beneath it's kind of the same stuff but oh boy you're gonna have

01:45:41.560 extra salt on everything but is that is that even though we're joking about it is that kind of true

01:45:46.840 that that that you know if if if a male maybe the opposite way too but i think more on the male side

01:45:53.080 if a male's looking too good that the wife will be like i i can't have him looking this good is there

01:45:58.600 some truth to that though oh of course of course right we both men and women use all sorts of

01:46:04.520 territorial strategies to protect what's there so of course there's tons of literature on that now

01:46:10.760 i'm not sure whether when she cooks an amazing fatty meal she's literally saying sure let me fatten

01:46:17.480 up the pretty boy so that other girls don't look at him but maybe subconsciously she is i i don't know

01:46:22.600 i mean i i say it somewhat jokingly but certainly the the instinct to try to find strategies to make

01:46:29.960 your your partner a bit uglier is i mean that's i mean isn't that why men usually get jealous when

01:46:36.760 their wives go out in a super revealing dress and you say really you're going out with that i mean

01:46:41.720 that's exactly the same thing right yeah i i i say you're going i probably shouldn't say this but i

01:46:46.760 i i well who cares i say sometimes i would say you know you're dressed like girls i used to have

01:46:53.960 on rotation you're walking out on my rotation list like you're like you know you look exactly well

01:47:00.600 this is the top selling shirt okay well top selling shirt to the hookers baby you know

01:47:08.600 how long have you been married tommy uh well uh the first time 17 years and i've been engaged four on this

01:47:15.560 one okay and so the the story that you just said is with this one or the other one uh with this one

01:47:21.480 that's hooked on this generation with this crazy social media and then tick tock and uh i i i might

01:47:28.360 soften my language if i could offer some unsolicited feedback sorry go ahead yeah no no not with me

01:47:36.520 i don't mean with me i mean with the with the spouse to be that's all i'm saying yeah yeah what's

01:47:43.560 what's the feedback no the feedback is i might soften some of the oh yeah well here we go with

01:47:50.840 that like like we were talking about earlier the authenticness and i don't that's true because i

01:47:57.000 don't mean it like you're a whore i just mean like have you looked in the mirror but but but these days

01:48:03.560 they don't look at they they just think it's it's okay uh can you pull up uh tab four and i want to

01:48:11.160 ask you again about your book but i want to hit some things so you don't get killed uh you know

01:48:16.040 uh and this next one hold on yeah uh so this is your website everything's here oh this is fat

01:48:24.520 god photo oh this is your website no no that's fine that's the one i i just have to remember to change

01:48:30.920 the the photo so this is oh this is fat guy oh this is this is probably i'm gonna go

01:48:37.320 to 215 225 in this photo wow well even more to your point there you go and then everything's

01:48:46.120 there right your youtube your podcast yeah so this is my website exactly so if you want to follow me

01:48:51.640 if you want to subscribe to my podcast to my youtube channel whatever it is go to this one stop shop

01:48:58.440 website and you've got it all got all the twitter the spotify everything instagram linkedin everything

01:49:06.440 and we'll have all that in the description of course anything i could do to help you anything

01:49:10.680 uh thank you so much you're really so much fun yeah this is fun yeah as i said consider yourself

01:49:18.680 envy palm beach you know i'm not a florida guy i'm very much a southern california guy i lived in

01:49:23.400 southern california i was a professor at university california irvine for a while my brother the one with

01:49:28.600 the ferraris has been in california since 84 so it's like a second home to me but recently we started you

01:49:35.240 know going to florida more often so it's only recently that i discovered palm beach i've been

01:49:41.480 there a couple of times you know what it's calling me it's i'm i'm still not willing to say it's as

01:49:47.480 beautiful as newport beach wheelman i know newport beach i know i used to have season tickets at the

01:49:54.040 lakers and i i would go try to see kobe because kobe lived in newport beach that's right yeah actually

01:49:59.080 where he lived which is in newport coast coast was very close to where we we used to live and so

01:50:05.320 it's very very hard to compare you know the weather and the topography the mountains of southern

01:50:12.120 california i think just in terms of its nature it's more beautiful but i'm coming around i'm starting to

01:50:18.200 love florida so maybe god willing when you fly in i'll take you for a trip around palm beach island

01:50:23.880 yeah that's your spot it's called palm beach island like uh the studios here maybe about a

01:50:30.760 mile and a half down now this is a funny story but just to laugh off off the subject uh pacino's got

01:50:37.480 a house down the street there's alone it's investor stallone now the the lawn care has to you know

01:50:44.200 because you're in palm beach island so you know the lawn care has got to be 20k a month and no one's

01:50:49.480 ever there and these are mansions i i mean the whole road is mansions best places to eat you can

01:50:55.800 just walk around with your wife and look at the water and the ocean the only thing i will give you

01:51:00.920 is you don't have the cool mountains and everything else but you you're forgetting one thing what the

01:51:06.680 taxes yeah yeah that's what you don't want yeah that's why there you go buddy after this right there

01:51:12.520 the tax you better move before july 25th yeah 100 and by the way that the taxes on this one destroyed

01:51:21.320 me i mean i always say that the taxes that i paid on this book might have been more traumatizing than

01:51:29.080 going through the lebanese civil war that i was through i mean i mean i'm i'm i'm almost being

01:51:33.560 literal that's how soul crushing it was i know now uh you got to get down to palm beach island that will

01:51:41.080 soak you in i'm telling you well right because you can walk on the the dock and it's just there

01:51:46.760 and it's just different it's not like boca and west palm and fort like you couldn't pay me to live

01:51:51.480 in fort lauderdale you couldn't pay for my house for me to live there me personally i like it's cheesy

01:51:57.640 it's cheesy it's cheesy miami in and out i do not want to live i would go back to philly if i wanted to

01:52:03.240 do that uh speaking of which that that you noted in uh your coming book so where i'm from in philadelphia

01:52:14.760 and also him as well if i go back i haven't been there in 10 years and my mother who's italian and

01:52:21.400 i know you can relate to this she always thought i'm not coming to florida it's too hot it's too hot

01:52:26.920 it's too hot and she was one of those ones that they're in their neighborhood with all

01:52:32.280 their italian people and they're not leaving no matter what they're not leaving that's their area

01:52:38.040 um so if i were to go back and i haven't been back in 10 years but when i was back before

01:52:43.800 the same people are doing the same thing and they hate it and they get uh you know two weeks vacation

01:52:50.840 and that two weeks they're either just drinking the whole two weeks or they're miserable from the other

01:52:55.880 54 uh weeks that they worked and you note this in your book and then this goes back again to people

01:53:02.280 telling them oh well you should stay at this career because it's stable but that's not really what they

01:53:08.600 want to do then they're 80 and they're being you know they're painting maybe they're a great painter

01:53:12.920 maybe whatever now and that's part that's one of your keys in in the book with the happiness

01:53:20.280 where as and i do i'm just putting it into my words whereas who cares what somebody says you do

01:53:27.880 what you want what what's in your heart now like you said if the engineering firm was just failing

01:53:33.320 after five years i'm not going to keep dumping money into it okay it was fun it didn't work but it did

01:53:38.120 work but people would look at me and be like you're going to do an engineering firm the the reason doesn't

01:53:43.560 matter why but i said yeah i'm going to you know so on and so forth so when you have someone like that

01:53:51.240 and whether they want to let's just say they're listening to us right now and they hate their

01:53:55.320 fucking job let's just be they fucking hate it they don't want to be driving a forklift

01:54:00.280 or whatever else they do up there you know they they maybe they like to play the guitar maybe they like

01:54:06.440 to do whatever how do you break them out of that when all that influence is on them all this all

01:54:13.960 that this is and i go back to the this is how things are supposed to be or should be and then

01:54:19.960 really you're wiping a male or female's dream away and they stick living this nightmare job and as you

01:54:26.840 say in the little snippets that we got from your book that you're holding till july 25th it's like

01:54:31.400 extortion yeah you know yeah give them a racketeering charge maybe we'll get out quicker

01:54:37.640 but uh you know have having that said it you know if somebody's watching and you know they've been so

01:54:44.680 brainwashed that no this is a great job but subconsciously they know they know that they

01:54:49.800 hate what they're doing and that their true passion is to play the guitar or go dance or whatever it may

01:54:55.160 be how what advice or or what one or two liners would you throw at them to just maybe get them

01:55:03.720 out of that one now remember they got the wife on them they got this on them they got the and they'll

01:55:08.040 get killed if they come on and say i quit my job i'm gonna go make chairs but maybe they can make the

01:55:13.560 best chair ever so i yeah so i i don't know if i can turn one or two sentences by the answer i was

01:55:19.880 kidding two quick two quick related stories take your time uh story one uh when i so this was

01:55:29.080 probably 1996 it might have been my second or third year as a professor i i joined my university in 1994

01:55:36.680 as a young professor uh in the newspaper at the the university's newspaper it's called the thursday

01:55:43.720 report there was a uh an article and it was written something like finally a doctor at 91 91 or 92 and

01:55:53.240 what that story tells is the following story it's it's basically the story of a guy who

01:56:02.520 escaped germany jewish guy uh during the rise you know as as the nazis were slowly coming in he had

01:56:08.120 always been very interested in pursuing his educational career but life circumstances didn't

01:56:13.480 allow him to do that he became a businessman so he's he's the italian guys in in the neighborhood

01:56:20.200 that you're talking about life took over he had to do things and then in his 60s he was lucky enough

01:56:26.040 that he could retire and he said hey you know what i'm still of sound mind and sound body why don't i just

01:56:32.360 go and sign up for some evening classes whatever some uh this is bachelor's degree so he's in his

01:56:38.120 60s he's taking classes with 20 years old 20 year olds so then he gets his bachelor's degree now he's

01:56:44.840 in his 70s he says you know what i'm still uh feeling good why don't i go on and get my master's

01:56:50.200 degree gets his master's degree now he's in his 80s pursues his phd graduates with his doctorate at 91

01:56:59.000 or 92 and within a year of getting his phd he passes away now that that guy uh not have the same

01:57:08.440 constraints that all the people that you're talking about have now i don't mean now some some

01:57:13.560 objectives are completely insane i i can't today say i want to be a starring ballerina you know at the

01:57:21.720 met opera because i'm too old i'm not flexible enough i don't have enough talent i my back hurts

01:57:27.800 but there are many obstacles that we create in our head that it's only we are putting it there

01:57:34.360 right i mean what could be more impossible as an apparent dream than when you're in your 60s you

01:57:40.600 don't have any university education and then by your 90s you get your phd so that's number one

01:57:46.360 story number two very related i had this guy on my show about a year ago his name is memfred steiner

01:57:53.080 he's a guy who uh went to medical school and graduated in the 1950s because his parents had

01:58:01.480 said come on don't study impractical stuff get a real profession become a physician so he became a

01:58:08.360 physician his love had always been physics so he becomes a physician then he specializes becomes a

01:58:14.920 hematologist a blood doctor on the way in the 60s of getting his specialization his medical degree

01:58:21.480 he picks up a phd in biochemistry has an entire career in medicine and then after he retires now

01:58:30.280 he's in his 70s he says i want to pursue my original goal which was to become a physicist now he's

01:58:38.120 already an md a medical doctor and a phd and he's not retired he goes and starts taking undergraduate

01:58:45.880 courses in physics at mit and then two years ago two falls ago he graduated with his phd in physics

01:58:54.760 at brown university at the age of 89 okay so so the bottom line is don't go after impossible

01:59:04.920 bullshit dreams that you no way for you to materialize but there are countless dreams that you

01:59:10.440 are currently having in the deep recesses of your mind that the only reason why you're not doing them

01:59:15.240 is because you've laid that obstacle right you don't have to get a phd you said you you want to

01:59:21.560 learn guitar classes well why don't you instead of drinking beer just go to your local community

01:59:27.720 college and sign up for some guitar classes the amount of happiness that that will by the way there

01:59:33.400 is research that shows that just doing these kinds of things that give you purpose and meaning and i don't

01:59:39.000 mean purpose and meaning you're going to cure cancer or solve diabetes but these little things that

01:59:45.080 truly give you a sense of existential authenticity can make you less depressed can make you less

01:59:51.720 anxious can give you a more optimistic look on life so get rid of those obstacles go out and do it it's

01:59:59.320 never ever too late but you speak of this and this is one of uh the pointers you know in the the pre

02:00:06.600 thing what about the people around you how do you block out that noise when you want to go play the

02:00:13.240 guitar or how about this this is a logical one say somebody's driving a forklift wife is happy because he's

02:00:20.040 making his 40 000 a year with retirement and benefits but he wants to be a mechanic that's his dream is to be a

02:00:27.320 mechanic but if he goes and be goes to be a mechanic his wife is going to kill his ass and she'll she

02:00:34.280 won't stop the complaining and everything so it's not always that the person doesn't want to do it or

02:00:41.640 doesn't want to fill the dream he doesn't want to have to deal with the noise what do you do then

02:00:47.960 well okay so of course each case is different so of course notwithstanding that you might have

02:00:52.600 financial concerns so okay so you can't become a mechanic and leave your union job that pays you

02:00:57.800 well and gives you medical benefits how about you go to a mechanic uh you know adult training class

02:01:05.000 every friday at your local high school in other words there are ways by which we can instantiate

02:01:11.240 some of our most fundamental interests without necessarily doing a cataclysmic change i mean i

02:01:17.080 understand that for many people they're locked into their lives right like i you know i am a

02:01:22.280 welder and i've got pills to pay and i can't it's not practical for me to suddenly become an artist

02:01:29.320 right i get that but how about you take an art class how about you go to the local wine and and the

02:01:36.600 art seminar that just that will make you live a more authentic life right inauthenticity is when my inner

02:01:45.320 voice is not jiving with my outer reality well close that gap you can close it by doing something

02:01:52.600 as drastic as quitting your welder job but you don't have to do that just sign up to the local

02:01:57.400 community college take an art history course and suddenly you'll feel satisfied you won't be as

02:02:03.160 angry you won't be as depressed maybe your wife will even be happier because now it looks like you're

02:02:07.640 not getting fatter on the couch yeah everybody wins that that's a grab i was hoping you would

02:02:12.520 answer that way because that's a way where they don't have to deal with the complaining still do

02:02:17.160 their dream and maybe they become very good at the welding and they can come home and say hey honey

02:02:23.720 i you know i've got my degree i have these three or four places that are willing to hire me

02:02:29.320 without you cutting my nuts off i'm going to put in my two weeks and go take this job and fulfill the

02:02:34.520 happiness and that would be a way that one could fulfill their inner self without getting killed

02:02:41.400 at home and that would be one of the steps to happiness right exactly right just live an authentic

02:02:48.520 life you don't have to bring down the entire edifice to do it just do little things and hopefully your

02:02:55.480 inner voice matches with the outer reality and as i said everybody wins be authentic and then a tip

02:03:01.480 without uh your publishers killing you how do you now this is a big one how do you keep the spice

02:03:08.440 after the honeymoon phase is over right you want to jump in on this one and and you've got

02:03:13.480 how do you keep that spice and i i heard you i heard you not just on rogue and i heard you on your own

02:03:18.600 podcast this guy says he says he says he says i lose his 80 87 pounds and i'm wearing her out

02:03:27.880 or something like that i know you're talking about yeah i said no i think i might have said something

02:03:32.760 like and now you know my our love making sessions used to be two hours long and now they're up to

02:03:39.400 five hours long after losing 86 pounds i think it was something like that something like that but i

02:03:43.800 heard it on your podcast too i was like oh yeah he's feeling good uh he's feeling good i i think look

02:03:49.880 it's it's it's of course spontaneity right so one of the ways by which we can maintain that desire for

02:03:56.680 variety is but we don't want to stray outside of our monogamous union is to incorporate variety right

02:04:04.680 like in other words if what you do is we're going to pencil it in every saturday when the kids go out

02:04:11.560 from nine to 9 40 and we're gonna do the things that we do using steps a b c d then that makes

02:04:19.240 it easier for it to be monotonous monotonous but if we do it whereby it's an it's an afternoon where

02:04:25.640 nobody is expecting it let's put on the berry white let's bring out the fireman uh uh suit

02:04:34.760 call me rocco and let's get it on well sure i'm not a different guy but at least i've played the

02:04:41.160 role for a moment i've introduced variety i've introduced spontaneity so i think there's all

02:04:46.200 kinds of ways now but by the way that doesn't mean that we should expect to have the same butterflies

02:04:56.040 25 years into a marriage as we did the first three times we had sex that would be an unreal so

02:05:03.080 when you see the books that promise you that don't buy them because they're lying to you that's

02:05:07.720 never going to happen but what we can do is we can delay that but if we never put in the work if

02:05:14.200 we're never creative if we're never spontaneous if we're never playful part of sex is playfulness

02:05:20.280 right it's it's being fun it's being irreverent it's trying new things and i don't think that that

02:05:25.480 has an expiration date we can do it when we're two months into our relationship we could do it when

02:05:30.280 we're 20 years into our relationship i know i had a guy on my show who's a very serious austere guy his

02:05:36.520 name is charles murray i don't know if you know him he's a political scientist who has written

02:05:41.400 several you know quite controversial books uh i mean they're not controversial to me but they're

02:05:47.320 controversial for example he talks about racial differences in in in accomplishment and so on so

02:05:53.560 you're not supposed to talk about that and so on and when he came on my show actually i i used this

02:05:59.560 quote in in the forthcoming book he said something to the effect of you know the secret to finding the

02:06:05.160 right spouse is to is to marry your best friend who you happen to be sexually attracted to and that

02:06:12.120 and i i use that quote because that's that's exactly right right i prefer to be with my wife

02:06:18.920 on a day-to-day basis more than with anybody else in other words i don't have guys not that i don't go

02:06:24.280 out with guy friends but i don't have to institute a guy's night out she doesn't have to institute a

02:06:29.880 girl's night out because we needed a break from each other because i genuinely enjoy her company i can act

02:06:34.920 like a buffoon with her i can joke around i could be serious and and i also have the benefit of

02:06:40.600 finding her very beautiful and desirable so if you can find someone that you're sexually attracted to

02:06:45.560 who's your best friend you found the secret you have to go mine and then you also uh speak of

02:06:52.440 how important uh marriage is and i i don't know how it is over there but here

02:06:57.720 whoo yeah there's no this is what they do over here okay over here means florida uh like in the

02:07:05.480 united states yeah because you're in canada right that's right yeah okay so here what they do and this

02:07:11.880 is some sick this is sick and they really do it to the black community which is even sicker and i had

02:07:17.400 uh jesse peterson on and he he went off about this and what they do is they give women an incentive

02:07:24.680 to get divorced and or leave the baby dad and they do it to to not just african americans they do it to

02:07:34.440 white people too but more so they target the african americans you know voters and all that other

02:07:40.760 bullshit so nowadays you know when you talk about how important marriage is and so on and so forth

02:07:46.360 now the government is giving them incentive for an example prime example just happened like last

02:07:54.600 week uh my fiance she doesn't need benefits but whatever they're going to give them to her i'll

02:07:58.840 take them right so they you know they run out or whatever and i say don't worry about it just let

02:08:04.200 it go let it go i i don't know if if uh your wife is like this but she's lebanese and doesn't let

02:08:10.040 anything go and on the phone forever like fighting with these people cursing them out i mean jesus

02:08:14.840 three four days to this and i'm saying just let it go anyway that's that's one of your courses i

02:08:20.280 need to take i need your therapy so and what they said to her was well if you take tommy for child

02:08:28.520 support okay we'll give you your full benefits this that the other and she's and it's this whole thing

02:08:36.360 and they give the initiative for to break up the family and then here i mean the guy's got no shot

02:08:44.520 if the if the woman's a full-blown heroin addict and you know i don't know has 37 million charges

02:08:53.080 and the guy walks in and has a dui he's got no shot the woman's getting and she's getting paid paid

02:08:59.880 paid you know and if you're married they're going to get alimony if you didn't sign a prenup because

02:09:05.240 of what is the thing that they use here like they're used to assert so say like a guy like you were here

02:09:10.920 and you didn't need a prenup you know you love your wife whatever your wife that doesn't work and

02:09:17.000 she's accustomed to lifestyle a b c d e you go into court here and the alimony is based on that

02:09:25.560 accustomed lifestyle that you provided for her because she didn't work so it gives them this incentive

02:09:33.480 to leave the man break up the family which is what we're seeing in mental health i don't care what

02:09:38.680 they want to blame it on it starts with the family in my opinion and i i'm sorry yeah to your

02:09:45.720 to your point uh i mean what you just said about jesse peterson whom uh i've gotten to know i i've

02:09:51.080 appeared on the show he's a lovely guy he's a good guy he's a funny guy he's a funny guy larry elder

02:09:57.240 has argued for the same thing for for many many years and even more uh lofty than larry elder although

02:10:05.240 larry elder is fantastic thomas soul the famous black uh economist has railed against the

02:10:14.040 father absence in the black family for many decades now so rather than you know putting the blame for

02:10:22.040 some of the problems in the inner city on you know systemic racism the the boogeyman that doesn't exist

02:10:28.200 how about you fix the families and then many of these problems will will go away by the way from from

02:10:33.640 from an evolutionary perspective uh father absence not only explains things that you would think that

02:10:42.280 you would think would that it would explain you know the likelihood of you becoming a criminal

02:10:46.680 how when do you quit school future trajectory of success is all negatively predicted by if the father's

02:10:53.800 not there but it turns out gentlemen this might blow your mind that the the onset of a girl's first

02:11:02.280 menstrual cycle the the fancy term is menarche so the first time the the timing of when a girl has her

02:11:11.320 menses is highly correlated to whether there is a presence of a father or absence of a father in a

02:11:19.800 home and so here is how the mechanism works if there is no father in the home the young girl goes into

02:11:28.280 her reproductive window earlier in other words if the average age at which girls get their menstrual cycle

02:11:36.280 is uh 12 if the father is there it's 10 if the father is not there so not only does it have great

02:11:45.160 repercussion on let's say young men's future trajectories it has a literal physiological you know

02:11:54.440 effect on when your daughter will get her first menstrual cycle and again this goes back to something

02:12:00.120 we talked about earlier which is human beings are a bi-parental species both men and women are needed

02:12:06.840 in the home for the full flourishing of a child and anybody who thinks otherwise is an imbecile we talk

02:12:13.640 about that i mean i brought that up a million times on here right i keep saying like a kid needs a father and a mother

02:12:20.440 and a mother and they serve two different purposes because a father is going to be the one hopefully

02:12:26.520 that's like you know wait till your dad gets home right that's the famous saying wait till your father

02:12:30.920 gets home that's that thing and then the mom's there to console and you know give the kisses but i think a

02:12:36.280 lot of the problems we have in society now is there's the broken family system a kid has no one a father

02:12:43.000 figure if it's a boy to look up to or maybe for the girl a mother and it just messes up the whole cycle

02:12:48.600 indeed absolutely and another thing don't say too much but you know if the stats are correct

02:12:59.080 okay and between me and you uh professor there's five million people that are going to watch or listen

02:13:07.000 to this if the stats are correct there's a lot of people with depression and anxiety i see all these

02:13:14.600 people and um you know i'm no doctor but i do study this stuff heavy i go down to my friends and look

02:13:20.760 at all kinds of crazy stuff that you know looking at me you would never think i would do but i'm

02:13:26.120 very interested in stuff molecule you know the cancer so i'm just very very into that for some

02:13:32.600 reason i'm into space but you wouldn't you wouldn't have you wouldn't have built a successful

02:13:37.240 show if you weren't intellectually curious right right otherwise the show would have never worked

02:13:42.760 so so i can completely understand how that would be thank you for that compliment i pretty especially

02:13:47.400 from you i i appreciate it so uh you just complimented now you threw me off what was i saying

02:13:55.080 just about you were talking about uh depression and anxiety but i was just very thankful for that

02:14:01.640 compliment from the guy no really really so when you and they give these sris and i'm sure you've

02:14:09.560 studied them i've studied them with my peanut brain and these sris compared to say a colonopin to me

02:14:18.440 personally if somebody has anxiety these sris i've seen these i've seen these things turn people

02:14:25.480 into completely different people i've seen them gain weight miserable moody uh and then trying to

02:14:32.360 coming off of them because of the dopamine and and serotonin levels that it messes with is it is a

02:14:37.880 disaster then they have anxiety now you can't be happy if you have anxiety that's a nightmare so you what

02:14:48.680 do you say to those who are on the sris or on this medication that really might be making it worse and

02:14:54.840 we all know about big pharma everything's well in my opinion big pharma is all about take this pill so

02:15:01.400 you end up taking this pill so you take this pill and then you have a lot of people with anxiety that

02:15:09.240 don't want to admit it that they have it they want to say well that's just me i've been like this all

02:15:14.280 my life but meanwhile they're a ball of nerves yeah so no i get it okay so i i would answer this in a

02:15:22.680 couple of ways number one i just had a a physician a cardiologist on my show his name is asim malhotra

02:15:30.360 and he's got he'll be happy that i'm plugging his thing on on your show he's got a new documentary

02:15:35.480 coming out called first do no farm it's based on a play on first do no harm right the hippocratic but

02:15:42.440 he he changes the word harm to farm p-h-a-r-m meaning pharma because he is yeah yeah right so

02:15:48.920 so precisely so precisely to your point he's basically arguing that the medical system over

02:15:54.120 medicalizes uh people now to your specific point about you know mental health issues it really for

02:16:01.640 many things it really is a combination both of you know lifestyle changes talk therapy going to actually

02:16:09.880 see a therapist and in some cases pharmacological interventions meaning actually taking a pill i think

02:16:16.680 the problem in psychiatry is it has recently gone too far the pendulum has too much swung to just

02:16:23.880 pharmacological interventions rather than getting at the underlying root of you know why is it that you're

02:16:29.640 feeling anxiety so for example we know that of all therapeutic approaches in terms of talk therapies

02:16:35.800 one that really works well just as well if not better than many of the drugs is cognitive behavior

02:16:41.880 therapy which by the way the the stoics several thousand years ago had already some of their

02:16:48.280 philosophy is very much the precursor of cognitive behavior therapy now what's cognitive behavior

02:16:54.280 therapy it's basically the idea that what's causing you a particular source of anxiety is that you're

02:17:00.760 holding the wrong cognitions about that thing and therefore that's leading you down bad behavioral

02:17:08.760 pathways if i can get you to shift your cognition about this thing then hopefully the the anxiety

02:17:16.600 symptoms will alleviate themselves so what cbt does cognitive behavior therapy does is it refocuses

02:17:23.320 your thinking to be you know more in line with reality and that's exactly what the stoics had said

02:17:28.600 thousands of years ago so but that said there are some mental health issues if you're for example

02:17:35.240 paranoid schizophrenic yeah that's a real organic organ exactly that's an organic disease we absolutely

02:17:43.960 know the biological mechanism that results in that here is a pill if you take it religiously i can assure

02:17:52.120 you that your symptoms will completely disappear no more hallucinations no more voices in your head

02:17:59.000 so for a few mental health issues a complete pharmacological approach makes sense but for most

02:18:06.360 other things i completely agree with you simply going down take the spill and nothing else is not going

02:18:13.720 to result in long-term cure for your symptoms this is why by the way one of the best predictor of your

02:18:21.080 therapist being effective with you is not whether he or she has degrees from cornell and harvard it's not how

02:18:28.520 many phds it's if they are empathetic because what that basically shows you is that there is a human

02:18:35.400 element in the connection in the talk therapy that is as valuable if in many cases more so than just

02:18:42.200 popping a pill so in in most like most things in life like we were talking about earlier about the

02:18:47.480 inverted u the the optimal path is a combination of things so for a few things only pills will work

02:18:55.160 work for a few things only talk therapy is necessary for most mental health issues you need a bit of

02:19:01.960 both yeah yeah that's that's schizophrenia serious i know a guy in california that when they were on the

02:19:09.640 lockdown he he didn't tell anybody they had schizophrenia he couldn't get to his therapist

02:19:14.440 jumped off jumped off his balcony oh exactly you know so i'm not talking about that i i mean where

02:19:20.600 you're sitting there and then all of a sudden you have the anxiety and so on and so forth i i had it

02:19:25.960 for a while uh because of things you know shit we would be here for three hours if i i got some

02:19:32.600 stories for you pal uh i'll take one of your classes i'll make you laugh for a decade uh so i go in uh my

02:19:40.200 parents uh go to a therapist go to and as soon as they said to me hey tommy how's your day here's your

02:19:47.400 two walk right out and for some reason i went to this one there but the last one i said mom i don't

02:19:54.680 care i'm not going because i had anxiety i was getting in little bits of trouble when i was younger

02:20:00.120 you know i was in south philly shit you know what that's that's what happens when you're an italian

02:20:04.120 and you're in south philly i walk into this guy and the first thing he says to me and excuse my my

02:20:11.000 language he goes what the fuck are you doing with that big gold chain on and i said you're my guy

02:20:18.360 because he didn't ask me how my day was how's your day you know do you like the sun that wasn't for

02:20:25.480 me and for probably two months never talked about anything about business how are you going to go

02:20:31.240 into a business because i had something going on how are you going to go into a business with those

02:20:34.840 dumb diamond earrings on you're not going to get respect you want to wear your diamond earrings that's

02:20:38.840 fine but in business you can't do that but what he was able to do was read how i what how i am

02:20:46.520 and he knew if he approached me with the happy doodle stuff it wasn't going to work so for

02:20:51.880 literally two months nothing and the crew i was with at the time and this is and i think you'll

02:20:57.480 appreciate this he was sick of dealing with insurance companies so when he would write a

02:21:04.120 prescription you know a real one someone who needed one some brand names are different than generics

02:21:11.080 they're not the same you know the purity isn't the same so certain ones he would have patients

02:21:16.040 that really needed the brand name well the insurances would give him hell all the time and

02:21:20.360 he got sick and tired of it and he said you know what cash only if i lose everybody i'm not dealing

02:21:26.440 with them this isn't helping my he went cash only ended up making more money okay so you know i just

02:21:32.360 want to say because it took balls to do that so it after two months then he started getting into things

02:21:38.840 slowly but always talking about business you know what i'm doing how i'm moving and i didn't realize it

02:21:46.040 at the time but there might have been one sentence in that hour that he would say that sometime down

02:21:52.120 the road i'd hear this prick in my head say it and i'd be like uh that was him you know and i wouldn't

02:22:00.280 and i didn't have anxiety i was making better decisions and so on and so forth the point being

02:22:06.120 is it worked for me and i was the lunatic when i was younger i was nuts you know but he was able to

02:22:12.840 read me but nowadays it's so hard to find someone like that now do you offer courses online so one

02:22:21.720 of the things that i'm hoping to do uh is to create i mean it's hard to at some point not

02:22:29.480 you know i'm very much of a purist at heart so i just want to help people but you you can't always

02:22:33.960 do things for free right and so i don't know no no i know yeah and so one of the things that i've

02:22:39.560 been thinking about is setting up behind you know a subscription wall exactly what you just asked

02:22:45.720 about whether it be uh now there's this opportunity on twitter spaces to do it locals be careful with

02:22:53.960 twitter yeah i know uh locals has been trying to get me to sign up with them for for several years so

02:23:01.560 it's definitely on my radar so i appreciate that question i think that there is a great potential to

02:23:06.360 be able to help a lot of people by offering these courses i i am planning on coming down to florida

02:23:12.600 speaking of courses to actually the uh take a course under the jordan peterson academy uh he's his

02:23:21.640 people have asked me to put together an eight-hour course that would then be posted on his platform

02:23:28.760 but it's definitely on my mind and to your more general question question i'm kind of right now

02:23:36.200 at a fork in my career in that on the one hand on the one hand i've never never imagined that i could

02:23:42.920 ever not be in academia to be a professor is is in my dna and it's i've always loved being an academic

02:23:50.360 i've always loved to do the scientific research and so on but the last 10 12 15 years have allowed

02:23:58.200 me to expand my reach to such a level that a lot of the things that unfortunately i do in academia

02:24:05.960 are hindering my ability to pursue some of these other opportunities like what you just asked offering

02:24:11.720 these independent courses because as a professor you know it's a very very full-time job i'm applying

02:24:17.800 for grants i'm supervising doctoral students i'm teaching courses i'm writing academic papers i'm

02:24:23.480 serving on editorial boards i'm sitting on a million administrative committees so if i did

02:24:28.040 nothing but my professorship stuff i would be busy all day and so the reason why i'm saying all this is

02:24:34.680 because right now i'm at a point where i have to start thinking so what's my next move the next 5 10 20

02:24:40.120 years am i going to stay in academia or am i going to take the route let's say of how jordan peterson he

02:24:45.640 now retired from academia and so to answer your question in this long-winded way i think if i were

02:24:52.600 to decide to leave academia it would make it a lot easier for me to do the things that you asked about

02:25:00.120 because then it would free up my time because i don't do things half-assed when i do something i want

02:25:05.240 to do it full throttle i want to do it perfectly right i don't want to be winging it and it's very

02:25:10.760 hard to find the time to do all the things i do i mean even now i wear seven different hats i'm i

02:25:16.520 appear on the media a hundred thousand times i write books i do shows for three hours right so so

02:25:25.720 i'm a bit in a in a pickle because on the one hand to your point earlier about the welder who wants to

02:25:32.360 leave his job and pursue his art uh you know i have young children uh that are still under our care

02:25:39.400 and it's hard to walk away from a tenured professorship that you've built 30 years it's

02:25:45.000 taken 30 years to build it makes you less likely to take risks because your career path is set i've got

02:25:53.160 security you know i've got my system set up i've got my graduate students so it takes a lot of guts to

02:26:00.840 say i'm i'm breaking the golden handcuffs and i'm going to pursue other opportunities but to the

02:26:07.080 earlier conversation we had about regret i worry that in 10 20 30 40 years i'll regret that i never

02:26:15.080 took some of these risks because there are so many incredible opportunities for me to pursue that

02:26:20.360 today i've rejected all of them because i'm tied to my academic career wow so i hope i've answered

02:26:26.200 your question well professor on fridays you could do zoom therapy and see how you like it without it

02:26:34.360 completely getting in your way does that sound uh familiar let's talk let's talk that sounds pretty

02:26:41.000 interesting because right now what therapist do you go to who do you go to who can you trust especially

02:26:47.880 in the united states i won't trust any of them other than the guy that told me i'm a jerk off because

02:26:51.720 this is my gold necklace but now i i wouldn't trust any of them none of them not one of them

02:26:57.320 not one of them because they would have their own agenda and in my opinion have the little script okay

02:27:01.960 he looks like this he talks like this okay blah blah blah blah but you're a real guy you have a

02:27:07.800 background you know what you're talking about i love how you you go back into ancient because it kind

02:27:13.560 idea to shape us you you go into biology so do it on fridays like you said and see how it goes i think

02:27:21.720 i might have to take you off on that i think that's a very good idea you could still do it at home with

02:27:26.200 dr sam you'll yeah you better get that sign up list you yeah and you know charge and everything and you

02:27:32.520 know but you know what i'll ask you this maybe thank you that's a that's a very good uh recommendation

02:27:38.280 what is what has been your secret if i may turn to your apparent greater expertise how have you been

02:27:45.640 able to build a platform as big as yours because i find that i'm completely stagnant in terms of some of

02:27:54.840 those metrics for example my youtube channel despite the fact that you know i've got millions of people

02:28:00.440 who know me and thought it just it's as if it's hit a somebody's pushed a button and i could never get past a

02:28:07.400 certain stage but then i look now i i know you've got great content you've got great guests so

02:28:13.240 you know but you know i probably have you know one-fifth the average you know views that you is there

02:28:23.160 something unique that you've done that that allowed you to grow your platform the way that you have i

02:28:28.840 think well one i they're suppressing you for sure exactly okay and then two when so say it's your

02:28:37.320 youtube that you want to grow then you should be like like i don't know if you're on reddit i didn't

02:28:42.760 see reddit up there i'm not i've never been on okay reddit is bigger than any of them as far as

02:28:49.160 pointing power so for 20 years i i've coded i'm a coder right like code like behind the ship so reddit

02:28:56.520 is the most powerful and the reason it is is because you have to build karma which means there's no robots

02:29:02.680 in other words so if you go on reddit and you post a link to whichever site you're really pushing to

02:29:09.960 get more popular that pointing power let's just say to make it simple if you're pointing it if you put

02:29:17.480 the youtube link in the spotify link in on reddit you're going to get a lot more traction that way

02:29:25.320 then you go to like pin interest that people overlook you know pin interest with the little

02:29:31.000 red thing that's huge that's huge that carries also not there right so those two just alone right

02:29:38.440 being the biggest they carry a lot of weight as far as pointing power and pointing power means

02:29:44.680 when you click on that and then it takes it to spotify or youtube how that affects the algorithm and

02:29:51.880 then that that affects the algorithm and then once you get in the algorithm everything starts to go

02:29:57.160 up and there's a lot more to that if you'd like me to text your email and whatever but that might be

02:30:02.520 good yeah i appreciate that i'd be more than happy to and on fridays then you got to do zoom so people

02:30:07.480 ask you for out there because i tell everybody if you go to a therapist don't even talk to me i don't

02:30:12.920 even want to hear about it you know don't don't don't even don't even want to go there you know well

02:30:18.920 you know i i did a i mean it wasn't a therapy session but i did my inaugural just out of the

02:30:24.520 blue i did a twitter spaces about two weeks ago and i had 3692 people show up on the spur of the

02:30:33.800 moment so that just blew my mind right i mean it's not i i hadn't promoted it for two weeks i hadn't

02:30:40.520 done anything i just literally opened my phone i put out a tweet i said hey i don't know how this

02:30:47.160 twitter space is worse can somebody help me one of my followers came in and said hey i will manage

02:30:52.760 the whole thing for you today we ended up spending three and a half hours in an open-ended twitter

02:30:58.760 spaces with 3692 people so there's real opportunity to do big things i want to ask you something i want

02:31:07.320 to get back to twitter i want to get i want to know what your thinking is on this because dr malone

02:31:12.760 three times he came in and i fought him on this elon thing and but first you stated and i i'm with

02:31:22.600 you but i just want you to explain it that happiness is a fact and when i went okay so how can happiness

02:31:29.880 be a fact when it's a feeling i look at it and then correct me or or you know make it better

02:31:36.360 either you're happy or sad but then what defines happiness

02:31:44.680 wow that's a that's a big question three hours of conversation uh you got stamina you lost 87 pounds

02:31:51.560 come on if you can go two hours there are i mean there are different ways by which uh we measure

02:31:57.960 happiness and even within the academic literature there are all kinds of arcane debates distinguishing

02:32:04.760 between different types of happy states you know uh happiness versus well-being versus contentment

02:32:12.680 so i don't i try to avoid those kinds of you know academic arcane debates happiness is the feeling of

02:32:20.520 well-being a feeling of existential joy you know you wake up in the morning you could tell even if you

02:32:27.160 weren't able to measure it although we could measure happiness you know you get a sense whether you wake

02:32:32.040 up and you say the world is on my shoulders my life sucks everything is bleak or whether you say

02:32:37.320 life is exciting where can i go play today and so all that i mean by you know happiness is a fact is that

02:32:44.680 to go back to the earlier point about the 50 genes versus 50 non-genes yes there is part of our

02:32:51.400 happiness that is inscribed in our genes which can't alter it right so some of us have sunny dispositions

02:32:57.960 others don't but there's another 50 percent that's up for grabs in other words you are the orchestrator

02:33:05.800 the architect of your happiness there are concrete steps that you can take that either make you improve

02:33:13.480 on that score or worsen just like by the way let's go back to weight on any given day only one of three

02:33:22.120 things can happen i can either gain weight that day my weight could not change that day or i could lose

02:33:29.160 weight that day correct right now if each of the next 18 months the same phenomenon happens which each

02:33:38.440 and every day for 18 months i end up on the losing weight scale guess what i'll get up on the scale after

02:33:46.680 18 months and i'll be 86 pounds pounds lighter right so it's the same thing for happiness imagine

02:33:52.680 that happiness has this internal scale and every single day at the end of the day my happiness meter

02:34:01.080 either went this way it didn't move or it went this way and all i'm saying is it is within your willful

02:34:07.720 control there are things that you can make you can do that improve your score it's not a guaranteed recipe

02:34:15.400 it's not i'm not promising you a guarantee but i can sure promise you that if you implement these

02:34:22.040 mindsets your probability of happiness increases drastically how did real quick question how do you

02:34:28.200 take someone who let's say they're miserable right they're not happy and then they find happiness what's

02:34:36.440 happy to them from all the miserable in either eating a shit ton of food or booze in or doing any of that

02:34:43.400 and that literally is like my life sucks but man this really makes me happy is that that's like a false

02:34:48.680 happy i guess how do you yes how do you do that yes the ancient greeks i mean talked about that there

02:34:54.440 are even you know greek terms that when we when we mean happiness and certainly when i mean happiness

02:35:00.200 i'm not talking about the ephemeral the passing dopamine hit right so yes i can watch a porn movie and be

02:35:10.360 titillated for three minutes that's not what we mean by happiness i can eat a juicy steak that can give

02:35:16.760 me real sensorial pleasure that's not what we mean at least that's not what i mean by happiness in this

02:35:22.600 book happiness is a real it's an existential state of being right like i wake up on any given day of

02:35:30.440 course i've got a million pressures of course some days i wake up i go oh god i've got these four

02:35:35.560 meetings and i've got to file my taxes and i've got to life sucks but generally speaking when i you

02:35:42.440 know i don't sleep well at night because i'm so excited for the next day to come and i'm so my mind

02:35:49.720 is so racy about all the exciting opportunities that await me the next day well guess what that's

02:35:55.960 happiness right i mean if i were unhappy i'd say please god let me sleep and may i never wake up

02:36:03.000 up because i want to get the hell out of this life i'm saying can you please finish with the

02:36:07.560 sleeping so i can wake up because tomorrow i'm speaking at these guys in palm beach and then i've

02:36:12.520 got a meeting with this postdoc and then i'm going to work on the idea for my next book and then i'm

02:36:17.400 going to put up my chat with pierce morgan that i have so many exciting things so you know that's

02:36:23.160 what it is it's so it's not the hit of dopamine it's not the uh your favorite philly eagles

02:36:29.560 winning the super bowl those are passing things i'm talking about deep existential things when

02:36:35.640 you're 85 years old you're looking back at your life you say have am i rich because i've lived a

02:36:41.560 life full of brilliant experiences if yes you win at the game of life that's it can you pull up a tab

02:36:48.760 too so two things have you looked into nad and looked at that biological at all you know like no uh

02:36:56.680 not at all i was just interested so in the book uh tell us give us another little sneak peek into

02:37:03.640 it since you're keeping it held until july 25th and you should be indicted for it i'm just kidding

02:37:09.080 i'm just kidding well i've given you a lot yeah you give me a lot you've given me a lot

02:37:14.120 uh another nugget okay well going back to the uh marriage and finding the right spouse so there are two

02:37:21.640 uh edicts when it comes to choosing the right spouse one is birds of a feather flock together

02:37:28.440 and the other one is opposites attract in other words are we more likely to be happy when we choose

02:37:33.480 a partner that is as similar to us as possible or are we happier when we choose a partner that is

02:37:40.520 as maximally dissimilar to us well it turns out gentlemen that for long-term relationship success the

02:37:49.320 research shows that overwhelmingly it's the birds of a feather flock together strategy that works

02:37:56.600 now you the next question might be well what do you mean similar on which attributes on which

02:38:01.000 dimensions well i don't mean similar that you both have green or blue eyes what what is what we mean

02:38:07.080 by similar is shared values shared visions for life shared belief systems it it becomes a lot more

02:38:15.720 difficult to build a successful long-term relationship if you score on opposite end of

02:38:22.840 the spectrum on a lot of these attributes it just increases the likelihood of you you know eventually

02:38:28.840 breaking it up so for example my wife happens to be lebanese i didn't set out to oh i'm only going to

02:38:35.800 marry a lebanese uh woman but the fact that she is lebanese ensured that there was a whole

02:38:44.520 cultural baggage and belief system that we both came with that didn't allow us to learn these things

02:38:53.720 about each other or or or learn you know because we already come with very shared outlooks on life

02:39:00.760 right uh and so that would be an important nugget that i can offer as advice to people you know birds of

02:39:08.680 now the only attribute by the way that from an evolutionary perspective we tend to look for

02:39:15.400 someone who is this similar do you know can you guess what that attribute is so for example i just

02:39:20.440 said when it comes to beliefs values outlooks we tend to choose people who are similar to us when it

02:39:27.000 comes for example to height we also tend to choose uh partners such that women always want a guy who's

02:39:33.640 taller than them as a matter of fact there was a study done with 720 couples out of 720 couples only

02:39:40.280 one of the 720 was the woman taller than the guy so that would be an example again of what's called

02:39:46.440 assortative mating do you know what is the one attribute on which we choose someone who is maximally

02:39:53.400 dissimilar to us can you guess i'm not necessarily expecting you to get it but i'm wondering if you can

02:39:59.320 um more adventurous what's your guess oh boy no it's actually a lot more basic than that is it

02:40:08.120 is it is it just like if i'm like physiological if i'm whiter than a ghost i'm looking for someone

02:40:13.960 who's a little tanner than me or that's not okay so you mean skin color it turns out it's it's uh smell

02:40:22.360 so and let me let me explain this i get so there's this yeah right so there's a set of genes that it's

02:40:30.360 they're called the major histocompatibility complex it's a set of genes that if you like code for your

02:40:37.480 immunological profile and that is picked up through your unique smell now we tend to prefer people's

02:40:44.760 smells who are maximally dissimilar to us on those genes why because you want that your children it's

02:40:54.200 like an insurance policy you want your children to have the maximal amount of immunological defense

02:41:00.840 and and that is picked up through smell so for example and this study has been done not by me by

02:41:06.920 by a colleague if you bring in four people let's say you ask them to wear a t-shirt so that their smell

02:41:13.880 becomes imbued on the t-shirt and you then take the t-shirt you put it in four bags and then you

02:41:19.880 bring someone and you ask them to smell the four t-shirts they will invariably pick the one that

02:41:27.800 scores most dissimilar to their major histocompatibility complex so that by the way that shows you that we

02:41:35.080 literally are animals right those people think biology doesn't matter what greater proof do you have

02:41:40.600 that it is all biology right it's all biology exactly so sometimes when you're saying you know

02:41:46.120 what i didn't feel chemistry for him or her it is literally the fact that their smell was not

02:41:52.840 intoxicating to you so that is the singular attribute on which the science has shown that it makes

02:42:00.120 evolutionary sense for choose to choose someone who is dissimilar to you but for all of the other

02:42:06.920 important attributes your belief systems your your uh your uh uh world views your attitudes towards

02:42:15.240 things your moral code it is much much better to choose someone who is exactly the same as you

02:42:20.760 you're very good at explaining yes you're very you're very good at breaking things down

02:42:26.520 well that's very sweet thank you so much i guess i've had a lot of uh experience over the

02:42:31.960 year in doing so but but it's very kind of you to say because it speaks to remember when i said that

02:42:37.160 today at the cafe a guy came up to me and you know put his arms around me and said oh i just

02:42:41.720 watched it on the show he said the exact same thing you said so it it means a lot to me and ultimately

02:42:48.120 that's the that's the dopamine that i get yeah that's the hit that i get when someone posts a selfie

02:42:55.640 of them you know i mean think about it they could have when they're on vacation there is a million

02:43:03.160 things that they could be doing when they're sitting on that beach including choosing a different a

02:43:09.080 million different books other than mine so when they are choosing your book to read on that beach boy

02:43:18.040 that says something really special of all of the choices they could have made that day they chose you

02:43:23.800 what could be more enriching than that hold on hold on you got that one wrong i'm gonna make you feel

02:43:28.680 even better forget the book forget a book if you have somebody sitting on the beach and they're not

02:43:34.760 on the phone watching some stupid tick tock thing or some dumb reel or i win or texting some moron and

02:43:42.840 they have your book that dopamine better be shooting out of your brain and the serotonin better be going

02:43:48.920 out of your brain because that is that's the one not the book not the book just somebody having a

02:43:55.000 book alone i'm happy to see that somebody's still reading books but they get but if they have your

02:44:00.120 book and not on the phone what if it's an audio book audio book fine all right i got you know he's

02:44:07.480 coming out of which he's coming out with a cd too speaking of words the number one the number one and

02:44:14.760 only criticism i had for my last book the parasitic mind was that people were very upset that it wasn't

02:44:21.080 narrated by me and i would be too i read it well okay but here's the thing i keep telling people the

02:44:29.880 ultimate decision is not mine to make so that even though i understand that when people get to know you and

02:44:36.120 they want to feel connected to you they want to hear the stories about your personal life and your

02:44:41.320 voice uh and so i it's funny that we're that i'm mentioning this because earlier today this morning

02:44:46.600 i received an email from my publisher this is the first time that i'm saying this in public and they

02:44:53.240 gave me three samples of three different narrators for the sad truth about happiness and so i wrote back

02:45:00.040 to them and i said guys i thought we had already gone through this that there was a complete revolt from

02:45:05.400 from from people saying that i should read it in my own voice but i haven't checked their response

02:45:10.120 yet but just for people to know whoever is listening to the show i am desperately trying to

02:45:15.880 be the narrator well i can't professor what did you say earlier you said that one of the things you do so

02:45:26.440 well is that you're able to write a book but write it in a story like a story like that you write it

02:45:34.280 but it's got to come from you i know i i tell them to kick dust the only thing i could think of the

02:45:42.600 only reason i could think of why they are resistant to that it it must be some either logistical or

02:45:50.440 financial issue because they have to then fly me i think they're i don't know the audio publisher i think

02:45:55.560 is out of portland so they portland oregon i think they fly you out they have to pay for this

02:46:01.720 that so but i'm thinking that now i don't know if this is true or not i i'm thinking that me reading

02:46:09.480 my book will result in a sufficiently greater number of sales that it would be worth whatever

02:46:16.680 additional expense you have to pay me for me to do it it takes about 50 more you think so absolutely

02:46:22.920 a hundred percent a hundred percent i've had how many people where have we had it and i'm not

02:46:27.720 bragging look you're right you're the man of all men and you know i'll save it for when you come in

02:46:32.600 because i'm really interested how you got out of your country but i don't want to keep you here all

02:46:36.280 day because you got all kinds of stuff to do but how many people have we had in that we got their

02:46:41.000 they were number seven thousand and ten gazillion we got them to number one at least for a week or

02:46:46.280 two after they came on the thing you got to read that book put you buy it you buy the plane ticket fly

02:46:52.840 out there you'll make it back tell them no i'll fly out there i'll make it so remove the financial

02:46:58.200 cost okay yeah and go out there you read it i'm telling you it will be at night and day think how

02:47:04.520 you went on twitter just out of nowhere and got 300 000 people no no no three thousand okay whatever

02:47:11.320 same thing three thousand and no time with no promotion no anything you gotta you gotta do it you

02:47:16.920 can't have some whoever reading it they want you people want you with the voice with the sarcasm

02:47:24.280 bubba what was he's gonna read off a thing like this that they paid ten dollars to no no you gotta

02:47:30.920 read this one if that means you gotta pay to fly out there i might i might need to to have you send me

02:47:37.960 the snippet of the last minute and my reply to my publisher is you saying that maybe that will convince

02:47:44.200 him because i i know that joe rogan i don't know if it was the last time i was on a show

02:47:48.920 he was chastising me he's like what the hell are you doing why didn't you read the book and i told

02:47:54.040 him hey here's what joe said and they're like doesn't matter the audio publisher has their own

02:47:59.240 procedure so i don't know why they're so resistant but it's a mystery they're morons to tell them you'll

02:48:04.840 pay for it you'll fly out there and then while you're out there you come right to here and promote

02:48:08.760 it even more and i can ask you a bunch of other questions and get you guys hooked on palm beach you

02:48:13.560 gotta read that i look forward to it i can't i can't wait to meet you guys in person this this is

02:48:18.600 hey you guys just reached joe rogan level we've been we've been at it for three hours yeah yeah well

02:48:25.160 i can keep going i i can keep going do you usually go that long yeah yeah okay wow that's because one

02:48:32.520 thing i i copied a lot off of joe rogan not because like i want to bang him or anything i i just like the

02:48:37.400 way he does things you know i like the way he does it so when guests come up i'm very interested

02:48:45.640 so like you're i'm very interested in you so i could go on and on with you because i want to learn

02:48:51.000 you know i want to learn things it's very it's very like we're just sitting here shooting the

02:48:55.080 shit and he's right like i know him we'd be here for three more hours but that's a not that's a

02:49:00.280 that's a good thing because it's engaging and you're you're yeah like i'm sitting here i'm like man like

02:49:05.000 this stuff we're learning and hopefully the viewers are going to listen to and take away

02:49:09.560 instead of some guy who's like yeah you know i uh i won the super bowl which is great and then you

02:49:15.160 know there's no other story i won't mention the one guy we had on but it was awful yeah but i won't

02:49:20.280 say the name so uh you have this uh yeah oh uh what color is this guy by the way that speaks to

02:49:30.760 having profundity right i always so now for example i'm trying to teach

02:49:34.840 my daughter i have two children but uh my son is a bit younger but he hasn't reached it so i'm

02:49:41.000 trying to teach my daughter about the importance of reading right because you know the the knowledge

02:49:48.120 that i have that i can share with people that makes me interesting to talk i mean part of it

02:49:52.200 of course is your personality it's whatever charisma you have but if i don't have interesting things to

02:49:58.600 say i can't maintain your interest for three hours but you talk about this i can pull these studies you

02:50:05.560 talk about that i could tell you this story so part wisdom part experience part book knowledge put it

02:50:11.880 all together you become someone interesting that people want to listen to and so i'm trying to explain

02:50:17.080 to my daughter that all of the i mean she's a teenager it's normal she likes to do some of that silly stuff

02:50:23.000 but please read because you could never be someone that is profound void of you know having that

02:50:30.200 knowledge in your brain right that's what allows me to roll with the punches i could go to stanford

02:50:35.560 university and be incredibly professorial and austere and formal or i can sit with a bunch of uh you know

02:50:43.000 corrections officers and be one of the guys and the ability to to be we are talking about changing

02:50:49.160 right chameleon i'm not changing in a sinister way but being able to adjust to different audiences

02:50:55.480 to be able to alter your communication style so that everybody feels that they're being spoken to

02:51:02.520 rather than spoken at that you don't appear arrogant that's a very difficult skill to have

02:51:08.200 and that's i think one of the reasons why many professors don't succeed out of their lanes because

02:51:13.000 they're used to only speaking in a particular way i only speak to the anointed ones that are in my

02:51:18.360 ivory tower i don't talk to the great unwashed the rubes the plebs i'm not like that i i i revel in

02:51:25.720 having the the the the cop or the truck driver write to me and saying my god i've been reading i've

02:51:33.080 been listening to your book on audio i can't get enough of it that gives me a lot more pleasure than

02:51:38.200 some fancy professor from harvard you know so you have to i don't know if you've had it but it would

02:51:45.320 be interesting if you haven't that truck driver if you had them in on your podcast and just talk to

02:51:51.160 him so why did you know i've thought about that how fun would that be though right it would just be a

02:51:56.520 different lane and interesting for you 100 as a matter of fact here's what i thought i thought of doing

02:52:02.840 as a as a you know like a a side thing you know there's a show that used to happen in canada

02:52:08.920 uh i don't remember the name of the show but he the guy would just show up with this purple couch he

02:52:17.080 plopped it somewhere on the street and he put let's say you know today i want to talk about uh

02:52:24.600 you know infidelity and then he would film people as they and so i thought you know i just i just want

02:52:30.920 to put out a call and just bring a just a regular person not an here's what has stopped me gentlemen

02:52:38.600 you don't know what you're gonna get right so so the guy that i speak to might turn out to be

02:52:46.040 the most exhilarating fantastic person and i'm so fortunate that we've been able to have this chat

02:52:52.360 that truck driver or he may be an insane dud yeah and then you know so i often tell my wife as we're

02:53:00.520 walking by a whole bunch of people let's say 500 people i say how many people if i were able to

02:53:07.400 find out what their story is they'd have an incredible story to tell well i'm sure many but

02:53:12.920 how do i find which one it is that's the trick yeah google them or look them up and and and find

02:53:19.640 because i i think i think you'd have great interest in that i just have you have you ever brought

02:53:24.760 someone like that oh yeah like i've gone from sitting with peter mccullough for five hours malone

02:53:30.600 for four and a half hours three times uh dr epstein five hours to my barber my barber i just wanted to

02:53:38.440 know wow he had come from cuba and he was trying to get his father over i wanted to sit with him and

02:53:44.840 know like what is it like you know your family's in cuba you're trying to make money you have to send

02:53:49.640 money there you're trying to learn the language here what is that like it was interesting to me

02:53:54.440 you know what is it like to live like that yeah i go all over the place so what i've done as maybe

02:54:02.280 you might have guessed is i do exactly that in my personal life right so so so i have i haven't brought

02:54:09.880 the barber and the truck driver on my show but i have met the barber and the truck driver in my daily

02:54:15.960 life so i will sit sometimes at a cafe and you know people recognize me so they come up at first

02:54:21.560 you know they're afraid they're shy they don't want and then i make the time right i stand and i

02:54:26.600 and then you know they're amazed right they're like i can't believe how a regular guy you are but

02:54:31.720 what i am a regular guy i just happen to you know to have interesting things to say and and i think

02:54:37.480 that that you know humility even draws people more to you so sometimes people think when i when i go

02:54:45.240 after someone hard on twitter let's say because they're being an imbecile that oh i've got a chip

02:54:51.000 on my shoulder i mean that's such an idiot because i'm exactly the opposite of that and it actually

02:54:56.040 pisses me off when someone thinks that of me maybe i should be more stoic and not care what people think

02:55:01.880 but and by the way i'll just tell you this i i won't mention my name the name unless you were to

02:55:07.480 force me to there's someone recently more than i don't care very very very high profile guy who was

02:55:16.440 one of i was one of the few people he followed i was happy about that who recently unfollowed me

02:55:23.080 i thought what a punk what a little castrato right because not that i think so highly of myself but there

02:55:30.760 is absolutely no conceivable reason why someone would say you know i've come in contact with this

02:55:38.520 guy's content and i've now decided it's uh you know remember the yeah the roman emperor yeah i decided

02:55:48.200 unfollowed and so i take great pride in being approachable to everyone and because i i'm enriched by

02:55:58.200 everybody's story so maybe i'll take you up on your uh that's his law bringing in the trucker yeah

02:56:05.000 if if if i do thank you i appreciate that if i do i'll give you a shout out that you were the one

02:56:10.760 oh thank you but think about if you could sit with them in a cafe and then you talk to them think how

02:56:16.600 interesting for you who has all these degrees and everything else you sit with the trucker what made

02:56:22.280 you become a trucker what's it like when you got to go for 96 hours on that truck you know i think

02:56:28.760 not now you would be the one yeah interested you know on things that you're percent you know i think

02:56:34.600 it would be and then it makes you more like uh relatable too and that's the hard back stop pulling

02:56:41.240 back that that's what all if if you look at all the guys whether it be joe rogan whether it be you

02:56:47.800 whether it be megan anyone who has built a platform that hundreds of thousands of people say of all the

02:56:56.440 things i can do today i'm choosing that platform to go spend my time i think there's one thing they

02:57:02.360 share in common it's not that they all have fancy degrees it's not that they're all neurosurgeons

02:57:08.600 it's that they are all intellectually curious and inquisitive so that if you watch joe rogan right

02:57:17.160 how can he go one day from speaking to sir roger penrose a nobel prize winner in physics and

02:57:23.160 the next day he's speaking to a comedian whose every second word is f this and f that it's because

02:57:29.000 he he is open-minded he's adjustable he doesn't have a he's intellectually curious he's playful those

02:57:36.840 are the things that the camera doesn't lie on right that's why i've been able to you know go from you

02:57:43.560 know being in the fancy schmancy world of academia to you know i'm a one-man show right i don't have

02:57:49.400 producers i don't have but it's my authenticity i open the thing let's talk let's have and as you i

02:57:55.400 i don't know how much you know my stuff i'm also confident enough to do a lot of skits that are

02:58:01.640 completely non-professorial right when i i don't know if you've seen me when i'm self-flagellating

02:58:06.280 myself yeah right i i do i do the bit where i hide under the desk because i'm so afraid that donald

02:58:12.600 trump right so i don't take myself so seriously now some people will write to me and say oh but

02:58:18.680 you know when you do these things you damage your brand as a professor listen if being joyful and fun

02:58:26.600 damages my reputation as a professor then i'm not a very good professor right i don't have to put on

02:58:31.080 an air of full profundity for people to take me seriously and and actually that's exactly what

02:58:37.400 megan kelly in the quote that you quoted that's exactly what she's saying right he i'm playful and

02:58:44.200 and that's why i think a lot of academics because i get academics who write to me and say well okay

02:58:49.640 i'd like to kind of get into that space how what are some secrets what's the secret sauce i say well

02:58:57.400 here's number one don't take yourself so seriously right you can't you can't talk that the the super fancy

02:59:05.000 academic not not that i i won't use good vocabulary when i'm speaking to you but i know how to modulate

02:59:12.760 myself in order to draw as much excitement from the audience right i remember i when i was i hadn't yet

02:59:20.360 uh written parasitic mind and an agent had written to me wanting to represent me and one of the things

02:59:26.600 he said he goes you know what you need to make sure to write the parasitic mind uh in the way that you

02:59:33.000 appear on joe rogan so that it's not all just professor now i knew that already and that's how

02:59:39.160 i wrote the book there is a lot of fancy academic stuff but there's a lot of sarcasm there's a lot

02:59:44.920 of joking around there's a lot and i think it's that makes that makes people you know come back and

02:59:50.120 that's i think why you've been a very successful show oh thank you and yourself you're fun you're fine

02:59:55.880 you'll you'll go into the into the you know mr degree thing but then you'll explain it in in

03:00:02.680 human terms yeah you know that that's what i take away from it here i think yeah i think you should

03:00:08.040 teach more teachers or professors hell yeah how to because that's that's what that's the crossroads

03:00:14.840 we're at like you know school schooling for kids sometimes they hate it and why because they go in

03:00:19.960 there and the professor just goes blah blah blah blah blah blah blah and they're turning off they're

03:00:24.440 done they turned off yeah you know and and i think what you do in the way you do it speaks profoundly

03:00:30.840 because you know i try to tell my son i have two kids i tell both my boys like my wife laughs i'll be

03:00:37.560 in the grocery store and i'll talk to a 90 year old guy she's like we gotta go like what are you talking

03:00:42.200 about i'm like well you never know what you learn from somebody or the stories that you hear so i try

03:00:46.360 to teach my kids instead of being on the phone the whole time and doing nothing talk to people

03:00:50.920 interact with people and you do it in a way where like i said you're not throwing out these big terms

03:00:55.560 where i'm sitting there going what the hell is this guy talking about you know but that that's

03:00:59.480 respectable and i appreciate that thank you that's very kind of you i appreciate those words

03:01:03.640 pull up the professor's book again uh it's coming out uh uh june 1st right

03:01:10.600 july 25th july 25th but but you can pre-order now yes you can pre-order now i'm wondering guys

03:01:20.920 do you have a sense of so let's say the book we're already out now so we can say okay i can i can predict

03:01:27.880 that it will do very well in terms of sales after the show happens does that also happen as easily with

03:01:35.080 the pre-orders or are people more reticent to pre-order just because they put it off to some

03:01:40.520 future date when the book comes out what's your sense about that in my opinion i think they put

03:01:44.760 it off they go look at it they see it they say in their head oh yeah i gotta come back for this but

03:01:50.280 it's july and they forget with you it's it's different because and i'm not saying it because i'm

03:01:56.600 talking to you right but i i think you're lou you would lose but i could be wrong i i don't know you

03:02:03.000 know i don't i don't know i don't really hope that what do you think what uh i mean pre-order um

03:02:09.960 he's been media a long time so me personally me personally and this is just my opinion what i would

03:02:14.840 do is uh like i said you said july i said okay i guess it's just the marketing right like if if i

03:02:22.200 feel like oh shit i gotta get this and it's gonna sell out and i may not have it then i might be like

03:02:27.480 all right i gotta go get this because this is gonna sell out let's just use that for an example but if i

03:02:31.640 know like okay they've made a million copies or whatever and i'm gonna be able to get it i'll

03:02:35.960 probably just wait wait till it comes out off yeah that's just me well here's can i make a pitch to

03:02:40.920 your audience uh as to why they shouldn't put it off sure uh so here's what happens when you when you

03:02:49.800 pre-order a book it doesn't go into the sales like the realized sales until the first day that the

03:02:58.920 official book is launched so let's suppose right now there are 10 000 free orders that are locked and

03:03:07.080 loaded that we know right so now july 25th comes around that first day those 10 000 pre-orders

03:03:16.440 get counted as sales which now why is that important because when the weekly best sellers lists come out

03:03:24.360 then it gets counted straight cumulatively all of them as that week's sales and once you get into

03:03:32.840 right off the bat into the best sellers list then it becomes a domino effect because then

03:03:38.280 if it's on this best sellers one week it's more likely to stay longer and then it becomes as i said

03:03:43.080 a domino effect like an avalanche so to those people who have listened to this chat if i can engage in

03:03:49.800 sure you know an appeal the people who've listed this said you know what i love what these guys

03:03:54.600 were talking about i want to get this it really matters that you pre-order because then it guarantees

03:04:00.600 that the sale is going to be counted right off the bat and that greatly increases my chances of

03:04:05.960 getting on the best sellers list so please please please consider pre-ordering it yeah that's it that's

03:04:10.760 the end of my spiel it's awesome and then uh you should come in july 25th that's when you should be

03:04:16.200 yeah you can ask hey you can ask uh doubt robert dad they were suppressing him on uh calls unknown

03:04:22.760 he came on and i'm not saying it's because of me it could have been a bunch of other things but he

03:04:26.360 went from him being suppressed to a best seller who was this uh uh robert doud he did a book called

03:04:34.360 calls unknown on uh covid killing these young kids uh with robert kennedy uh jr oh right who youtube

03:04:43.640 who youtube uh suspended me for two weeks because of robert kennedy jr the name robert

03:04:50.200 kennedy jr yeah right fucking democrat i heard you like whatever his name is over there too i heard

03:04:57.640 he's a great guy justin trudeau yeah yeah yeah yeah he's my he's my hero that's what i've been hearing

03:05:04.840 yeah you know what i i warned canadians from well before he became prime minister i kept screaming from

03:05:13.320 top of the mountain and now i get a lot of people who write to me and say boy i should have listened

03:05:19.480 to you but but that speaks to how fickle the human mind is which is that and this actually is something

03:05:25.080 that i discussed in the parasitic mind people use these cosmetic cues these peripheral cues and judging

03:05:32.680 politicians oh he's tall or he's got beautiful hair or he's young or he's going to legalize

03:05:38.760 marijuana but they don't look at the substantive cues this is why i you may or may not have seen me

03:05:43.480 do this let me just i'm going to bring up a prop imagine for a second that this is a have you seen

03:05:48.520 my uh getting drunk by the cork of the wine bottle have you seen this that one i didn't see no so so

03:05:54.360 there's an expression in arabic that basic which when you translate it to english means getting drunk

03:06:00.760 simply by smelling the cork of the wine bottle now what does that mean that means that you are of

03:06:06.200 such weak constituency that you don't need to actually do the hard work of drinking the wine to

03:06:11.720 get drunk you just take a whiff and you're already drunk now how do you apply it here so look look now

03:06:16.760 i'm gonna get drunk by the cork of the obama wine right yeah oh he's he's tall he's thin he's got a

03:06:25.480 malefluous voice you see i'm getting drunk every single syllable he says is pure utter

03:06:30.040 bullshit but look i'm getting drunk so that's what happened with justin trudeau right and obama

03:06:36.840 and obama he got me drunk i actually thought he was all right at first

03:06:41.480 by the way it it works in the opposite way with uh trump oh he's disgusting i hate him he's an ogre

03:06:51.560 i didn't tell you that i hate him because of policy a b or c it's only because of the way he speaks he's

03:06:57.880 he's got a brash style he's crude he's a queen's guy he's vulgar it has nothing to do with his

03:07:03.960 immigration policy or his fiscal policy or his tax policy but i'm getting drunk by smelling the cork of

03:07:10.760 the wine bottle so that's what happens unfortunately with with the most important decision that we make

03:07:15.960 as as a citizen which is choosing our leaders we choose them based on their height based on so someone

03:07:21.560 like robert kennedy jr he may have great ideas but i can assure you that a lot of people are not going

03:07:26.920 to get past the fact that his his vocal cords are not very pleasant i shot and many people are saying

03:07:33.160 that guy is not presidential i can't be having this guy as my president and yet he might have the

03:07:38.280 greatest ideas in the world i'll never listen to them because i can't stand his voice and all he did

03:07:43.240 was forward the book but just because of the name and the reason why they did it is because they don't

03:07:48.680 want here here in the state they don't want anybody to get in the way of biden and they're

03:07:53.240 worried to death about trump as they should be and i'm not right i'm not blue i'm for what's good

03:07:59.240 like trump hate him i don't care you look at that man's policies hey i mean his policies seem to work

03:08:07.960 pretty damn good yeah i and i've had and i've had all of them into my podcast and

03:08:13.160 i i've heard everything about everyone except for trump other than you know the way he talks and

03:08:19.400 speaks but nobody with the agenda i wanted to really get into with elon but i'm sure you got

03:08:24.760 other stuff to go but i will say that dr malone was right in my opinion was he told me a year and a

03:08:33.160 half ago that he's part of it he's gonna use twitter as a uh what do you say a weapon and he would text

03:08:41.880 me and throw me a little hints to make me dissect them you know dr robert malone of course yeah yeah

03:08:47.080 yeah i'm actually really good friends with him oh cool yeah yeah yeah he likes me for some reason

03:08:52.840 and uh for many reasons i'm sure and i said to him and and i tweeted him when he put in that lady

03:09:00.120 who is the most censorious broad you could ever put in i mean jesus you mean the new ceo the new ceo

03:09:07.400 yeah she's all for the covet shot she she's everything opposite that elon said he was going

03:09:12.760 for so i go to tweet and then i won't hold you up too long and save my other thousand questions for

03:09:18.600 when you come in so i go to tweet to dr malone and i say all right malone i was the moron that didn't

03:09:26.840 listen to you i'm gonna listen to you now about everything else i could send you a screenshot of it

03:09:32.040 they censored me they said here here at twitter uh we don't like vulgar uh tweets after he got tucker

03:09:42.120 after he got everybody to move over after the blue thing where you could buy it so he gets all these

03:09:48.680 people to move over boom well then then then i will share then in the spirit of reciprocity i will share

03:09:56.200 the name of the very high profile guy who unfollowed me drum roll it is go ahead close it come here

03:10:06.440 elon musk elon musk wow so elon elon was following me out and out very very early like in the in the

03:10:15.240 you know he was following very few people he was right that that to me was was exciting and i don't

03:10:21.880 care like i'm not like oh elon i don't care but to me it mattered because elon musk has a very very

03:10:29.400 large platform i'm in the business of trying to spread good ideas so when you get someone with his

03:10:37.000 platform that can hopefully help you amplify your voice and by the way i had said nothing but wonderful

03:10:43.480 things about him i have a whole bunch of sad even before he followed me and you know i he was weighing

03:10:49.080 in on some things he it seemed like he was a fan and people were saying oh my god i can't believe

03:10:53.800 elon musk followed you okay great no problem then one day someone i think there was like a bot that

03:11:01.400 that that keeps track of who elon follows and who he unfollows people started telling me saying oh elon

03:11:07.640 musk unfollowed you i said that that can't be that doesn't make sense i go and check and he had

03:11:12.360 unfollowed me and i just thought look he doesn't owe me anything but what a punky move like it it

03:11:18.840 makes no sense right like the arm he's the arm everybody's looking at obama gates biden he's the

03:11:25.560 i'm gonna come save twitter come move over so i can get your data i'm gonna encrypt malone said this

03:11:31.560 specifically and not only malone who the hell else was it that was up there on malone's level maybe

03:11:37.320 peter mccullough they were like look this is what he is but no way this guy he's invented everything you

03:11:43.960 can't take away from what he's invented but he's a part of them what there's no explanation why he

03:11:49.320 would put that woman in there unfollow you i put malone up on twitter which i never used twitter i

03:11:56.520 would just read stuff but i said oh i i fell for it even though i had these guys that are a thousand

03:12:01.560 times smarter than me telling now now now i put malone up i lose 62 000 followers all of a sudden it

03:12:09.800 drops 62 000 and i think oh you know did i do something wrong whatever so in my opinion

03:12:17.880 malone was right and then he unfollowed you for no reason it is crazy over here buddy

03:12:25.800 what are you gonna do nothing everybody loves you who cares who cares who cares let them be with

03:12:30.360 the agenda they'll burn one day somehow there you go by the way speaking of palm beach it worth street

03:12:37.320 is on is in is in palm beach correct half a mile down the street if you take your wife there you

03:12:43.400 better have your uh wallet right i know i know i i was there last year quick story i discovered

03:12:50.600 the greatest antiquarian bookstore on worth street do you know it yep it's right on worth street there's

03:12:57.880 a place called taboo for lunch i don't know if you went there for lunch maybe i didn't know it didn't

03:13:02.280 go there for lunch okay so uh maybe midway midway down or street the street so i i walk in this was

03:13:09.720 last uh about almost a year ago now oh i think it was i think i was i had gone to do patrick bet david

03:13:17.160 yeah yeah but he's further south but anyways yeah so we were in palm beach i find this uh antiquarian

03:13:24.520 bookstore and there was a actually i took a video of it and i posted it all over social media they had a

03:13:31.560 copy so as an evolutionist of course i love charles darwin i love origin of species which is 1859 book

03:13:39.000 they had a first edition four hundred thousand dollars so wow you can bet that whenever i will

03:13:47.000 have the pleasure of coming seeing you in person the first place i'm going to go visit it is that

03:13:52.680 antiquarian bookstore and if there are any billionaires listening who want to donate four hundred thousand

03:13:57.640 yeah there you go the doctor got sad fun so he can get a first edition of origin of species

03:14:04.200 i'll share the uh the wire transfer route with you soon and you can start with our pre-ordering which

03:14:10.280 will be in the link at the top it will say your name and the link will be right there before i even

03:14:14.440 get into all the great things that you are so it's right in front and when you click on it we'll take

03:14:18.920 it right to uh amazon won't be the bullshit thing that other people do on spotify and others and don't

03:14:25.240 put the the link in where it takes you to the site so we'll take it right there along with everything

03:14:29.800 else and i get here as soon as you can man you'll you'll have a blast you guys have been such a joy

03:14:36.280 to talk to thank you so much i'm so glad that i came on thank you for the opportunity and i look

03:14:41.640 forward to seeing you in person you'll be here soon please please make time to come

03:14:46.840 very fun you have a great day sir you too thank you guys thank you thank you

The Saad Truth with Dr. Saad - July 21, 2023

Deep Dive Into Happiness & Evolutionary Psychology - My Longest Podcast Ever! (The Saad Truth with Dr. Saad_579)

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