The Tucker Carlson Show - Ari Shaffir： Growing Up Orthodox, How Joe Rogan Saved Comedy, and the Infamous Kobe Bryant Joke

00:00:00.000 Don't you also think though that, at least I feel this way, you can feel whether someone's

00:00:07.380 speaking from affection or dislike, like it's just like non-verbally, I'd know if you hate

00:00:13.040 me.

00:00:13.460 Yeah.

00:00:13.780 You know what I mean?

00:00:14.420 Yeah.

00:00:15.060 That word Jew is a great one. 1.00

00:00:16.840 It's Jew or hard J Jew. 1.00

00:00:19.020 Then it's like.

00:00:19.360 So the special was called Jew?

00:00:20.820 Uh-huh.

00:00:21.680 Yeah.

00:00:22.460 Did you get any complaints about that?

00:00:24.780 No, it came right after all that Kanye stuff too.

00:00:26.920 So I was a little worried they were going to be like hard line on antisemitism and just

00:00:30.980 pull everything down.

00:00:32.680 So you didn't worry about.

00:00:34.680 I worried about a little bit.

00:00:35.980 What?

00:00:36.180 A special called Jew? 0.93

00:00:37.340 Yeah.

00:00:37.600 I worried about a little bit, but, but I tested it.

00:00:40.840 I tested it everywhere.

00:00:42.100 I tested it.

00:00:43.140 It was a five year process of like going to places where there's lots of Jews going to

00:00:47.340 place with Perth.

00:00:48.580 They were like, I don't even know what you're talking about.

00:00:51.200 Iceland.

00:00:51.760 They're like, what?

00:00:52.660 What's it?

00:00:53.060 I've heard of a Jew.

00:00:54.140 Was the Jewish community in Iceland outraged?

00:00:56.100 Both of them.

00:00:57.060 Yeah.

00:00:58.980 Yeah.

00:01:07.980 Welcome to Tucker Carlson show.

00:01:09.340 It's become pretty clear that the mainstream media are dying.

00:01:12.220 They can't die quickly enough.

00:01:13.560 And there's a reason they're dying because they lie. 0.98

00:01:16.160 They lied so much. 0.75

00:01:17.680 It killed them.

00:01:18.860 We're not doing that.

00:01:19.860 Tucker Carlson.com.

00:01:20.760 We promise to bring you the most honest content, the most honest interviews we can without fear

00:01:25.900 or favor.

00:01:27.200 Here's the latest.

00:01:29.320 Somebody told me yesterday that you're, you lead the field among standups for death threats.

00:01:34.500 Yeah.

00:01:34.900 I was the first one to get them.

00:01:36.560 Why?

00:01:36.960 Um, I had this, uh, when I was, yeah, I don't know.

00:01:44.040 What do you mean?

00:01:45.140 You don't know.

00:01:45.900 I mean, I don't know exactly.

00:01:47.060 So I had this, uh, when I was starting in, in, uh, national impoons was doing this like

00:01:51.440 fake, fake, um, reality show pitches.

00:01:55.880 It was like, uh, the idea was they went up, it was all faked, but they all found a box

00:02:00.600 of pitches for a reality show up in like the offices of NBC or something, but the craziest

00:02:05.680 pitches possible.

00:02:06.860 One was like, I can throw up on command.

00:02:09.020 Another was like, I'd watch that.

00:02:10.700 Yeah.

00:02:10.980 Yeah.

00:02:11.340 And it was just a guy who drank apicac and just like barfed everywhere.

00:02:13.740 And mine was called the amazing racist, um, off the amazing race.

00:02:19.000 And it was just like a super overboard, right?

00:02:21.560 They came to me with the idea and I was like, that's funny, but let's like really go for

00:02:25.040 it.

00:02:25.160 If we're going to go for it.

00:02:25.960 No, but that was the thing.

00:02:26.680 I've seen that.

00:02:27.520 Oh, you have? 1.00

00:02:28.520 You're amazing racist. 1.00

00:02:29.700 Yeah. 1.00

00:02:30.220 Going to the black convenience store in a clan outfit. 0.92

00:02:32.000 Yeah.

00:02:33.920 So either you get it or you don't.

00:02:35.340 If you're mad, I can see why you get mad, but also like.

00:02:38.140 But why?

00:02:39.340 I mean, that's so over the top that of course you're joking. 0.98

00:02:42.180 If I'm throwing oranges, wait, at a Mexican yelling, go back to Africa that you can't 1.00

00:02:48.480 see maybe, or like, wait, but you're Jewish. 0.99

00:02:50.280 I'm like, right.

00:02:51.520 So if I'm wearing a clan outfit and I'm a comedian as a Jew wearing a clan outfit, probably 0.63

00:02:57.660 not in the clan, probably not in the clan. 0.98

00:02:59.360 You see, it's ridiculous. 0.97

00:03:02.300 Anyway.

00:03:02.820 So my buddy Duncan Trussell, who's a great comic and hilarious and weird, he, um, early

00:03:07.820 websites, he built a website saying, if you prank my friend, Ari Shafir, uh,

00:03:12.620 send him a prank call, um, record it.

00:03:15.460 I'll give you 20 bucks for the best one.

00:03:16.940 This was before all that stuff came out.

00:03:18.200 So the National Lampoon's DVD came out and then somebody ripped it to the internet.

00:03:21.120 So pretty early YouTube was like this without context of National Lampoon's, just me going,

00:03:26.220 hi, I'm Ari Shafir.

00:03:27.300 I'm not the amazing racist.

00:03:28.480 Let me do this horrible thing right now.

00:03:30.480 Um, anyway, so people like saw it, Googled my name.

00:03:33.480 The first thing that came up was Duncan, before you even click on the, you know, the Google

00:03:37.080 search, it just says Ari Shafir phone number.

00:03:39.900 So that was it your actual phone number?

00:03:41.360 Yeah.

00:03:42.000 Yeah.

00:03:42.680 So the, but it was pre-doxing.

00:03:44.540 It was before any of that, you know, before America got dangerous.

00:03:47.640 Yeah.

00:03:48.520 So I would just start getting phone calls.

00:03:50.400 It was great.

00:03:51.120 Like what? 1.00

00:03:51.940 Oh, I'll fucking kill you. 1.00

00:03:53.400 You think you're so funny. 1.00

00:03:54.780 One of them was, I picked up a bunch of Latinos, Mexicans saying, I want you to fix my deck 1.00

00:03:59.760 and then drove them to the INS building.

00:04:02.700 And started yelling La Migra and they ran out.

00:04:05.680 Whatever, whatever.

00:04:06.400 It was funny.

00:04:07.000 Nobody was hurt in the making of it.

00:04:08.980 But people took it seriously.

00:04:10.160 People took it seriously. 1.00

00:04:10.900 My favorite one was, I'll build a deck in your ass, Holmes. 1.00

00:04:13.120 I would just get calls all the time. 1.00

00:04:17.600 I had to put my ringer on mute.

00:04:18.720 But do you think, I mean.

00:04:20.260 They weren't serious though.

00:04:21.580 None of them were real.

00:04:22.820 So when now, when people go, I've been threatened. 0.94

00:04:25.020 I'm like, shut up.

00:04:25.860 This isn't a real thing. 0.99

00:04:27.300 I've been getting it for 20 years.

00:04:28.820 But do you think anybody was actually offended?

00:04:31.060 It's instructive.

00:04:33.920 Because I got, I would get a few like messages, Facebook back then or MySpace even. 1.00

00:04:38.340 And it was like, fuck you. 1.00

00:04:40.460 You're a piece of shit. 1.00

00:04:41.280 I'm Mexican. 1.00

00:04:41.940 How dare you?

00:04:43.000 And then I'd like write back.

00:04:44.160 Like, you know, it's just a joke.

00:04:45.200 I actually paid all those guys 50 bucks and took them back to where they were working.

00:04:49.160 Like nothing actually happened.

00:04:52.300 And I drove them to a library.

00:04:54.000 Wasn't even like, you know, it just looked like the INS building.

00:04:58.780 And then they would respond like, oh, okay.

00:05:00.760 I actually did think it was funny.

00:05:02.080 I laughed when I saw it.

00:05:03.380 I'm like, so we went from laughing when you saw it to threatening me because you're supposed to.

00:05:08.620 And that is what it is, right?

00:05:09.820 People feel this like moral obligation to be mad about certain things.

00:05:12.840 But your real reaction is you were laughing.

00:05:15.480 So do you ever get people walking out of your shows?

00:05:17.500 Yeah, all the time.

00:05:18.900 All the time.

00:05:19.320 Why do you think they do that?

00:05:20.360 Number of reasons.

00:05:21.200 Too dirty is the main.

00:05:22.800 I don't want to hear about sex. 0.70

00:05:24.760 You know, so that's an okay one. 0.99

00:05:26.420 It used to be the dirty comics were like, it's cheap, you're dirty. 1.00

00:05:30.160 Oh, you talk about blowjobs. 1.00

00:05:31.580 And it was like, okay, fine. 0.98

00:05:33.220 And so then the clean comics were like, I'm a well-written comedian.

00:05:35.500 I can do, you know, whatever.

00:05:39.140 And they would just look down on us.

00:05:40.500 But it wasn't a moral thing.

00:05:42.480 Now it's a moral thing.

00:05:44.080 They put them on a moral high ground.

00:05:45.840 They put these people on moral low ground.

00:05:47.480 So like you're kind of evil for doing it.

00:05:49.520 Not just like cheap or easy.

00:05:52.060 You're wrong.

00:05:53.300 You are wrong. 0.99

00:05:54.420 You're immoral. 0.95

00:05:55.100 Yeah.

00:05:55.340 But it's the same thing.

00:05:57.540 So sex is one. 0.85

00:05:58.880 Sex is one. 0.72

00:06:00.700 I mean, I remember I had a, at the comedy cellar, I'll help people walk out all the time.

00:06:05.220 The door guys laugh about it.

00:06:06.760 They're like, every time somebody leaves crying, it's you.

00:06:09.360 They walk out past me literally crying. 0.99

00:06:11.860 And it's always a drunk white woman. 1.00

00:06:13.920 I mean. 0.98

00:06:14.600 It is honest.

00:06:15.760 That's who yells at me.

00:06:17.080 What is that? 1.00

00:06:18.920 They, well, one, they suck. 1.00

00:06:21.560 Why do you think? 1.00

00:06:22.200 They've never had any problems.

00:06:23.940 So they have the slightest problem.

00:06:25.500 Like, this is the worst.

00:06:27.060 You ever see rich people?

00:06:28.100 They're like, they're like, my flight was delayed. 0.99

00:06:30.140 I was like, shut up. 0.99

00:06:31.120 You sat in first class and your flight was delayed an hour and you're bitching. 1.00

00:06:34.700 Shut up. 0.98

00:06:36.060 So you think it's just like any inconvenience? 1.00

00:06:38.260 They've never.

00:06:38.700 Right.

00:06:39.020 So this is the worst case scenario is a slight inconvenience.

00:06:42.320 I had to hear something I didn't like to hear.

00:06:43.580 But in a functioning society, you like, you have a man at home to calm you down.

00:06:46.760 Maybe that's part of the problem.

00:06:47.920 Well, you, yeah.

00:06:48.740 You, so you see it at the shows, the man that's with them.

00:06:51.980 Sometimes it's either like quiet or they're, they're just like, like, you could see them

00:06:56.840 resigned to like, you deal with it, bro. 1.00

00:06:58.880 I'm not going to fuck you. 1.00

00:06:59.940 I got to live with it. 1.00

00:07:00.700 So if I tell her to shut up, I got to, this is a month of pain.

00:07:02.860 Do they heckle you?

00:07:04.200 Yeah.

00:07:04.540 They'll be mad.

00:07:05.420 So I had a lady walking outside like maybe a year ago. 0.99

00:07:09.620 And I remember like, oh, this lady got really mad. 1.00

00:07:11.080 I didn't notice it, but she was really mad.

00:07:13.360 Um, and I was like, which joke was it Holocaust stuff? 0.78

00:07:18.940 Was it down syndrome stuff?

00:07:20.360 Was it the war in Gaza stuff?

00:07:22.020 Like it could have been any one thing.

00:07:23.520 And, and it's not all of them.

00:07:24.940 It's the only thing that you feel personally, like this is the line is the one that walk out

00:07:30.380 on.

00:07:30.580 And I, I didn't think anything of it.

00:07:32.140 And then I was hanging out, had a drink up there.

00:07:34.200 And then I left like 30 minutes later.

00:07:36.180 This is always the fun.

00:07:36.860 They want to tell you that they were right.

00:07:39.100 And I'm walking out and I passed by some woman. 1.00

00:07:41.640 She goes, you're a piece of shit. 1.00

00:07:44.380 Which I've gotten that. 1.00

00:07:46.600 What did you say?

00:07:47.400 The lady.

00:07:48.100 I just started laughing at her face and walked away.

00:07:51.040 I'm not going to give her an argument.

00:07:52.280 So she stayed to tell you that?

00:07:54.200 Yeah.

00:07:54.420 Yeah.

00:07:54.500 Yeah.

00:07:54.700 It's funny when they leave and then stay.

00:07:57.040 It's, it's, it used to be just write a shitty Yelp review if you didn't get the service

00:08:01.660 you wanted. 0.79

00:08:02.160 And how did she respond when you laughed at her?

00:08:03.740 They can't understand it.

00:08:05.320 They're like, no, you should be mad.

00:08:07.040 I'm like, I'm not combating you.

00:08:08.760 I was just making jokes.

00:08:10.020 Everybody else is laughing.

00:08:10.960 I'm just doing this for everyone for the joy.

00:08:12.680 But it's also funny when you walk out angry, we're all laughing at you for not getting

00:08:17.880 it.

00:08:18.300 And it's not, you never rise to the bait.

00:08:20.560 I have before.

00:08:21.960 Yeah.

00:08:22.460 But it's never a good idea.

00:08:25.020 No, it's not a good idea.

00:08:25.980 Yeah.

00:08:26.300 It's, and it's also, it's just fun to toy with them, you know, to be like, I think you're

00:08:32.320 right.

00:08:32.540 And I will learn from this. 1.00

00:08:34.400 It's just fun to fuck with them sometimes. 1.00

00:08:36.660 Has it gotten better or worse? 1.00

00:08:37.980 It feels like people are freer to say what they think all of a sudden.

00:08:41.420 Yeah.

00:08:41.820 You know, internet, everyone feels they have their 40 followers.

00:08:44.760 So like they're a celebrity.

00:08:46.180 No, but I mean, it feels like the strike zone is wider than it was two years ago.

00:08:50.200 What do you mean strike zone?

00:08:51.580 I mean, you're allowed to say more things or there are fewer umpires or they're just.

00:08:56.960 We're allowed to say more things.

00:08:58.060 Yeah.

00:08:58.200 Are the angry people allowed to say more things?

00:08:59.520 Everybody's allowed to say more things.

00:09:00.560 Yeah.

00:09:00.580 Right.

00:09:01.820 I feel like there for a while, there are only like four things you were allowed to say.

00:09:05.600 And now I hear people giving opinions.

00:09:08.600 Gen Z is way better than millennials. 0.73

00:09:10.620 Why?

00:09:11.200 Gen Z. 0.58

00:09:11.740 Gen Z. 0.58

00:09:12.860 Okay.

00:09:13.340 So you ski or snowboard?

00:09:15.200 Yeah.

00:09:15.800 Which one?

00:09:16.320 Ski. 0.72

00:09:17.380 Nice.

00:09:18.940 Well, obviously I don't snowboard.

00:09:20.220 I mean, come on now.

00:09:21.000 Yeah.

00:09:21.240 Well, so I was a skier in what late eighties snowboard started mid eighties.

00:09:26.900 Yeah.

00:09:27.040 Yeah.

00:09:27.100 Yeah.

00:09:27.960 And everyone's like, I'm not skiing. 1.00

00:09:29.960 That's my fucking dad. 1.00

00:09:31.340 I'm a snowboarder. 1.00

00:09:32.260 It's cool.

00:09:32.800 And then a generation passed and now the kids are like, I'm not snowboarding.

00:09:36.800 That's for my father.

00:09:37.880 Yeah.

00:09:38.480 So they go the opposite way.

00:09:39.680 I just, I stayed true to skiing and it never changed.

00:09:42.420 Yeah.

00:09:42.540 Always.

00:09:43.020 You still ski?

00:09:43.640 Yeah.

00:09:44.260 Yeah.

00:09:44.680 All mountains should be no snowboard mountains.

00:09:46.380 I completely agree.

00:09:47.280 I think there's only one in the United States. 1.00

00:09:48.540 They're jumping out of the fucking Alta. 0.99

00:09:51.120 Deer Valley too. 1.00

00:09:51.960 Deer Valley.

00:09:52.420 Yeah.

00:09:53.240 Yeah.

00:09:54.260 Icon's got it right.

00:09:54.980 And they wreck the snow.

00:09:56.060 They wreck the snow.

00:09:56.960 They slide down.

00:09:57.980 It's a mobile city after they get done with it.

00:09:59.960 And they take out old people, which I will be soon. 1.00

00:10:02.040 Oh, they jump out of the trees.

00:10:02.980 Oh, I know.

00:10:03.400 They have a spotter.

00:10:04.380 I know. 1.00

00:10:04.640 Just have a fucking spotter. 0.99

00:10:05.580 And they're too high, actually. 1.00

00:10:07.320 Well.

00:10:07.920 A little high is fine, but they're way too high.

00:10:09.760 I mean, I've seen snowboard.

00:10:10.760 I fell off a lift.

00:10:11.760 You fell off a lift?

00:10:12.740 I was too high and drunk.

00:10:13.260 I was trying to get on.

00:10:14.200 You know the thing where you put your skis under you?

00:10:15.780 So I was like, I saw some cool, like people do, oh, let me do that.

00:10:18.720 And I was trying to do it.

00:10:19.460 But then I started getting pushed, you know, by the, and I'm like trying to do it.

00:10:22.420 And then I was just down.

00:10:23.820 That hurts.

00:10:25.500 Yeah.

00:10:25.900 Your bindings don't release when you fall off a ski lift.

00:10:27.920 Yeah.

00:10:28.620 It was on the floor though.

00:10:29.940 And so I was pumping my head up.

00:10:31.460 Some old man just shoved my head back down because it was going to chop it off. 0.97

00:10:35.160 So you think people in their twenties are better than people in their thirties?

00:10:37.380 Yeah. 0.99

00:10:37.600 So anyway, these people in the Gen Zers looked at the millennials, their aunts and their fucking 0.98

00:10:42.900 whatever, and they're like, you guys are angry and we don't want to be like you. 0.98

00:10:46.680 And they understand, at least for standup comedy, like we know they're not serious.

00:10:50.120 You guys didn't know they weren't serious.

00:10:52.200 We know they're not serious.

00:10:53.900 So when they say, I don't know, let's bring slavery back.

00:10:57.980 Let's give it another chance. 0.99

00:10:58.840 We know you're, you're being ridiculous. 0.99

00:11:00.600 We know it's Jonathan Swift. 0.97

00:11:01.920 It's, it's, it's fine.

00:11:03.700 So then they're like, well, now we can laugh.

00:11:05.660 You don't mean that.

00:11:06.420 Are you ever offended by anything?

00:11:08.780 I mean, do you have a red line?

00:11:10.080 Well, I wouldn't like try to silence it, but some stuff is like, no, I just mean, is anything

00:11:17.040 personally offensive to you?

00:11:20.020 Have you ever heard a joke where you're like, ah, I'm not into it.

00:11:22.700 Yeah.

00:11:22.860 There's certain times if I, like, if I just heard my dad speak about the Holocaust and

00:11:27.240 I hear it, a Holocaust joke, I'm like, just not in the mood.

00:11:29.460 Yeah.

00:11:30.280 But there are other times you're, you're, but also I'll just quietly leave.

00:11:34.080 Or if it's like political jokes, I'm like, I don't, I don't get the references here.

00:11:40.100 Right.

00:11:40.600 I just don't follow it.

00:11:41.560 Yeah.

00:11:41.680 I noticed that at breakfast this morning, you're not covering, following politics.

00:11:45.040 I'm like, is that a good guy?

00:11:45.860 But how are you going to deal with, I mean, there are some political stories that are sort

00:11:49.640 of unavoidable, like the current one with Biden.

00:11:53.160 Like, how are you, like, what do you make of that?

00:11:55.320 Like the.

00:11:56.120 Like his physical condition, his mental condition.

00:11:58.360 I just hear people talking.

00:12:00.300 Oh, you haven't seen any of it?

00:12:01.460 It's a little, like from, from people referencing on standup comedy clips, like Shane had one

00:12:07.700 where he's like talking about how he left the stage real slow.

00:12:09.920 And he was talking about like, I've done that drunk, having to like sidestep.

00:12:12.760 Oh, but you haven't seen any of the video.

00:12:14.680 It's uninteresting.

00:12:15.920 Do you live in this country?

00:12:17.480 Yeah.

00:12:17.800 How do you avoid that?

00:12:19.180 I do not.

00:12:20.200 For six years, I haven't read or watched the news.

00:12:23.140 Really?

00:12:23.500 If it's on, I'll avoid, I'll leave the room.

00:12:25.360 Why?

00:12:25.960 It's hatred.

00:12:27.220 It's, it's terrible.

00:12:28.280 It's puts you in a terrible mental state.

00:12:29.880 For, for some of you don't affect, everyone thinks they're making a difference.

00:12:33.760 They're not.

00:12:35.160 I mean, you had a popular show on, on like a major network.

00:12:39.340 Yeah.

00:12:39.620 You also didn't make a difference.

00:12:41.720 Rogan doesn't make a difference.

00:12:42.540 Well, I got fired.

00:12:43.520 Yeah.

00:12:44.060 But like this idea that like, I'm going to change everything.

00:12:46.860 Nah, the high level guys who had to reach, who had to reach, maybe you could.

00:12:50.140 Cause you reach a lot of people.

00:12:51.260 I don't think I did.

00:12:52.640 But like.

00:12:53.100 I agree with you.

00:12:53.660 You being upset about Biden or Trump.

00:12:56.000 It's like, what is it doing?

00:12:57.380 It's going to happen regardless.

00:12:58.500 It's like being upset about the rain.

00:13:00.460 You really think so?

00:13:01.720 So it's, it sounds like you don't buy the premise of democracy.

00:13:05.380 Listen, it, how should I say this?

00:13:07.820 The black vote matters. 0.99

00:13:09.460 Right. 0.99

00:13:09.740 One black vote doesn't matter. 1.00

00:13:11.540 Right. 0.95

00:13:11.780 That's, that's correct.

00:13:12.700 Yeah.

00:13:13.420 So it's just like, why get involved in Romania and Slovenia?

00:13:17.500 They just had, well, or you just got back from Australia.

00:13:20.640 Yeah.

00:13:20.900 So like they, I always loved how they felt about it.

00:13:23.500 Our government's crooked.

00:13:24.740 We can't do anything.

00:13:26.620 Let's get drunk and do the worst Coke in the world.

00:13:29.200 And that's what the, you didn't, you didn't really participate in Australian culture, but

00:13:33.440 it's mostly baby powder.

00:13:36.640 Is that true?

00:13:37.160 And it's the most overpriced in the world too.

00:13:39.600 Cigarettes are $60 a pack.

00:13:41.260 It was wild.

00:13:42.880 Yeah.

00:13:43.620 I left, I bought a pouch and I was like, and then I was, I didn't think about the price.

00:13:47.740 I was just like, bring it up.

00:13:48.460 A pouch of tobacco.

00:13:49.160 Yeah.

00:13:49.600 Yeah.

00:13:49.760 And then, uh, and then, uh, I bought another one and, um, where it was in Gold Coast and

00:13:54.040 then I was like $63.

00:13:55.200 I'm like, no, that's crazy.

00:13:57.440 Yeah.

00:13:57.640 And he goes, that's how much it is. 0.98

00:13:58.820 And it's like, I thought it was like a tourist spot and I was like, fuck up, dude, I just 0.98

00:14:02.060 bought it for 40. 0.99

00:14:02.820 And he goes, no, you didn't.

00:14:03.900 Did you like the lung cancer pictures on the package?

00:14:06.460 I did have to trade a pack.

00:14:07.620 Cause I'm like, this one's too gross.

00:14:08.740 It's too gross.

00:14:09.560 Yeah.

00:14:09.740 You almost don't want to smoke. 0.98

00:14:10.720 Get me a dead baby. 1.00

00:14:11.540 I don't, I don't want to see the missing 10.

00:14:13.560 A dead baby doesn't, it doesn't hurt me.

00:14:15.720 Well, it wasn't caused by smoking.

00:14:17.480 Yeah.

00:14:18.640 It was caused by the ozone.

00:14:21.020 So.

00:14:22.520 Yeah.

00:14:22.900 I just don't pay it.

00:14:23.500 It's going to happen regardless.

00:14:25.080 Why, why lose sleep over it?

00:14:27.780 But what about the idea that, um, if you don't do anything about it, then it just gets worse

00:14:32.540 and worse and worse.

00:14:33.180 If society doesn't do anything about it, it gets worse and worse.

00:14:36.020 If I don't do anything about it, it's not going to change my mind.

00:14:38.760 It's your moral obligation to vote.

00:14:41.480 If you don't vote, you're not allowed to complain.

00:14:43.620 Can I tell you something that no one seems to get on my side on?

00:14:47.600 If you think the system is corrupt, participation in the system is you co-signing the system.

00:14:55.920 So it's like, it doesn't matter which side you're voting on.

00:14:58.780 This corrupt, they both lie to you, two-party only possibilities, which is what they're revolting

00:15:03.340 in in Hong Kong.

00:15:04.100 Yeah.

00:15:04.320 Yeah.

00:15:04.440 Here's your two possible choices only.

00:15:06.360 Just saying, okay, well, I'll take this one.

00:15:08.160 Is you saying, yeah, the system, I agree with it.

00:15:10.700 And I don't agree with the system at all.

00:15:13.320 I'm sympathetic to what you're saying.

00:15:14.560 I'm actually not dismissing you out of hand because I think you're making a pretty solid point.

00:15:18.120 The problem, though, is it could get to the point where they show up at your house

00:15:22.020 and start hassling you directly.

00:15:24.060 Who?

00:15:24.920 The government.

00:15:25.880 To vote?

00:15:27.060 No, no, no.

00:15:27.440 Oh.

00:15:27.700 I mean, the government gets in the wrong hands.

00:15:30.040 It can be pretty intrusive.

00:15:32.860 Yeah, I guess.

00:15:34.380 So, yeah.

00:15:35.580 But here's two problems with that.

00:15:37.560 One, it's a worst-case scenario way of living.

00:15:40.240 Right.

00:15:40.560 I mean, I've heard the Holocaust is coming back my entire life. 0.78

00:15:45.560 This can lead to the Holocaust. 0.88

00:15:47.420 George Bush.

00:15:48.600 It could be Hitler. 0.86

00:15:50.020 Trump was Hitler. 0.93

00:15:51.180 Trump was definitely Hitler, right? 0.99

00:15:52.100 Everybody's Hitler. 0.95

00:15:53.280 And I'm like, where?

00:15:55.060 Where is this happening?

00:15:55.760 So, it's like you hear these worst-case scenarios all the time.

00:15:59.320 They don't come to fruition.

00:16:00.640 And also, it's like you still won't have any effect on it.

00:16:02.480 When they were talking about going to war with Iran, they're like, this is a nuclear 1.00

00:16:04.980 holocaust. 0.61

00:16:05.700 And everyone was bitching about it.

00:16:07.540 And I was skiing.

00:16:09.540 And I'm like, you guys can lose your last days.

00:16:11.880 If there's a nuclear holocaust coming, these are your last days. 0.66

00:16:14.820 And I spent it skiing.

00:16:15.800 And you spent it arguing online with a stranger.

00:16:20.300 Like, who's God going to say, did it right?

00:16:23.280 You know?

00:16:23.820 That's actually completely defensible.

00:16:26.000 Like, you're not actually affecting it.

00:16:28.340 And if enough people-

00:16:29.180 There's a whole book in the Jewish Bible called Ecclesiastes.

00:16:31.280 It basically makes this point.

00:16:32.480 Really?

00:16:32.940 Yeah.

00:16:33.420 Interesting.

00:16:34.140 You should-

00:16:34.800 Ecclesiastes.

00:16:35.760 What's that in Hebrew?

00:16:36.720 Do you know?

00:16:37.300 I don't.

00:16:37.900 Yeah.

00:16:38.060 Some of them were like Genesis.

00:16:39.340 I'm like, I don't know that word.

00:16:40.280 I know the Hebrew word.

00:16:40.600 Oh, is that-

00:16:41.120 You went to Yeshiva?

00:16:42.080 Yeah.

00:16:42.980 They didn't call it Genesis?

00:16:44.060 No.

00:16:45.580 So I had to like, Deuteronomy.

00:16:47.100 I was like, oh, which one is that again?

00:16:48.600 How long did you spend in Yeshiva?

00:16:50.520 Two years after high school, but my entire, all high school.

00:16:53.840 Did you think you were going to be a rabbi?

00:16:55.620 It was a possibility.

00:16:56.920 Really?

00:16:57.460 Yeah.

00:16:57.900 It was like possibility.

00:17:00.000 What was that like?

00:17:00.720 It was like in pre-law.

00:17:01.520 What do you do in Yeshiva, by the way?

00:17:03.460 Study.

00:17:04.040 Pardon my ignorance.

00:17:05.180 Like, what's the schedule?

00:17:06.860 Like, you wake up when and do what? 0.99

00:17:08.520 That's part of your culture, just to be ignorant. 0.99

00:17:10.600 Yeah. 0.96

00:17:11.320 I'm not a chosen person.

00:17:14.680 You wake up, you do a little learning.

00:17:18.500 That's like, choose your own adventure.

00:17:20.680 That's so it might be like prophets, one of the side books or something.

00:17:25.880 And then you pray.

00:17:27.880 Then you go have breakfast.

00:17:31.960 That's like, breakfast ends at like nine.

00:17:34.180 So nine to one, you learn Talmud.

00:17:38.040 Then one to two is-

00:17:39.620 Is this just independent study or just reading it by yourself?

00:17:42.300 There's classes.

00:17:43.660 And then there's also like, and then also independent.

00:17:46.280 But there's classes.

00:17:47.540 We're a rabbi.

00:17:48.520 Dude, we had a rabbi who was like teaching us one of the, one of the books of the Gemara,

00:17:52.140 the Talmud.

00:17:54.040 He's so smart.

00:17:55.200 I forget his name.

00:17:56.060 Oh, it's embarrassing.

00:17:57.100 That's embarrassing.

00:17:57.820 Who is it?

00:17:58.280 I don't know.

00:17:58.900 But to have-

00:17:59.140 You can check it.

00:17:59.820 No, it's all right.

00:18:00.440 No.

00:18:00.720 No, tell me who called.

00:18:02.800 Oh, it's your mom.

00:18:03.820 Hold on.

00:18:04.920 Hey, he's busy right now.

00:18:06.440 I'll get back to you later.

00:18:07.580 All right.

00:18:08.000 Bye, Miss Tucker.

00:18:12.880 That's what you went by too, Mrs. Tucker.

00:18:17.540 Anyway, he was teaching us and then doing it really well.

00:18:22.260 And then somebody went to the bathroom and they came, I forget his name.

00:18:25.780 Let's call him Rabbi Jew. 0.99

00:18:27.260 And they're like, Rabbi Jew, this isn't the right book. 1.00

00:18:30.420 And he goes, oh yeah, I forgot the, I forgot the, I was telling him, I took the wrong one.

00:18:34.440 I was like, you've been teaching us from it the whole class.

00:18:38.140 And he goes, yeah.

00:18:39.160 He just knows it by heart.

00:18:40.840 It was actually like a John Irving novel.

00:18:42.500 It was just a different track date.

00:18:43.620 It was like the encyclopedia, you're doing the E's and he's reading from F's, but he's

00:18:46.380 still word for word on the E's.

00:18:48.820 It was crazy.

00:18:49.660 So he'd memorized it.

00:18:50.520 Yeah.

00:18:51.880 Which is, it was an oral tradition.

00:18:53.280 It was passed down orally for a long time.

00:18:55.120 Was it interesting?

00:18:59.000 The Talmud?

00:19:00.000 Yeah.

00:19:00.380 Oh yeah.

00:19:01.500 So many fun.

00:19:03.760 So not fun, but like, yeah, like I was telling you at breakfast, by the way, guys, Tucker Carlson

00:19:08.720 feeds his guest breakfast.

00:19:10.360 Of course I do.

00:19:11.240 Yeah.

00:19:11.500 What's your podcast do?

00:19:12.540 Um, yeah, it was like, if you accidentally kill, uh, someone like you have to replace

00:19:20.020 their, their, their wife, you have to pay their wife. 0.99

00:19:22.260 This is what I was talking about. 0.97

00:19:23.180 And like a doctor's wife, you pay more than a garbage man's wife. 1.00

00:19:26.600 And then it's all arguing, like, uh, is a, is a garbage man worth less? 0.98

00:19:31.280 Does he have less value than a doctor? 0.98

00:19:33.100 And then it's like the arguing, arguing, arguing.

00:19:35.000 It's like, no, you're just trying to like, you have a responsibility to keep her way of 0.64

00:19:38.680 life, keep her like richness there. 1.00

00:19:41.340 So you have to pay her based on her income.

00:19:43.680 It's kind of like divorce now.

00:19:45.260 Do you debate this in class?

00:19:47.280 Yeah.

00:19:47.440 So you debate it, you talk about it.

00:19:48.660 Then there's a secondary rabbis who all weighed in.

00:19:51.320 No, but do you debate it at yeshiva?

00:19:53.060 Do the students say, you know what?

00:19:54.380 I just don't agree with this at all.

00:19:56.600 Are you allowed to debate?

00:19:58.720 Yeah, yeah, a hundred percent.

00:19:59.820 It's all based in like, say what you think is not right here.

00:20:03.160 There's a Philip Roth book, Conversion to the Jews.

00:20:05.720 It's a short story.

00:20:06.960 Yeah, I never read it.

00:20:07.720 It's about, uh, it's pretty good.

00:20:09.380 And, uh, and, uh, yeah, Philip Roth.

00:20:12.340 And, um.

00:20:13.260 Portnoy's complaint guy.

00:20:14.360 Mm-hmm.

00:20:14.820 Yeah.

00:20:16.040 Um, and it was just about this kid in yeshiva in Brooklyn who was like, I don't understand.

00:20:21.360 If God couldn't create everything, the animals and light out of darkness, he goes, that

00:20:26.160 one always got me.

00:20:26.840 There was, there was darkness and he made light for the first time.

00:20:30.060 I always got me.

00:20:31.000 And he goes, why couldn't he make a son?

00:20:33.000 Like, no, God can't have a son.

00:20:34.100 I was like, but why?

00:20:34.660 He did all this other stuff.

00:20:35.480 How come he can't?

00:20:36.620 You're supposed to ask these questions.

00:20:38.880 So there's no penalty for.

00:20:40.540 There's no penalty.

00:20:41.040 It's based in for a hundred percent.

00:20:42.800 You should be asking questions.

00:20:44.280 We should have answers.

00:20:45.640 If we don't, then your question is correct.

00:20:47.920 And if we do it.

00:20:48.700 It sounds like a great education.

00:20:49.580 It's great.

00:20:50.380 Ask everything.

00:20:51.360 If it doesn't make sense, you gotta ask.

00:20:53.860 And we should have an explanation.

00:20:55.140 You shouldn't be like, don't ask this stuff.

00:20:56.440 How many yeshiva students become stand-ups?

00:21:00.780 Not many.

00:21:01.660 Not many.

00:21:02.160 There's a couple, but not many.

00:21:04.000 It seems kind of like a natural training ground for it.

00:21:07.340 It's so helpful.

00:21:08.780 The logic basis of it.

00:21:10.540 Between that and an English major,

00:21:12.100 where you're also just same thing,

00:21:13.220 kind of analyzing novels.

00:21:14.020 Textual analysis, yeah.

00:21:15.240 What's he doing?

00:21:15.860 What does this mean?

00:21:17.880 It's just a great way of looking at humanity

00:21:20.500 and then writing a joke about it.

00:21:23.040 What do your rabbis and classmates think of what you do?

00:21:28.480 Well, so it's the religion part,

00:21:31.360 and it's also the culture part.

00:21:32.600 Right.

00:21:32.800 So the culture part was like,

00:21:34.060 what are you doing?

00:21:34.720 You're not making a living. 0.99

00:21:35.980 This is ridiculous. 0.99

00:21:37.180 This is embarrassing. 0.98

00:21:38.100 They didn't think you were making a living?

00:21:39.300 I wasn't for 10 years.

00:21:41.560 You know, temp jobs and whatever.

00:21:43.520 Really?

00:21:44.040 Yeah.

00:21:44.560 What kind of temp jobs?

00:21:45.900 I worked for the Beverly Hills Chamber of Commerce.

00:21:49.960 I just did like data entry in different places,

00:21:53.040 moving boxes.

00:21:55.600 It's in commercial.

00:21:56.600 I got started booking commercials for a while.

00:21:58.360 I had a weird look.

00:21:59.200 That helped, but that was like five, six years in.

00:22:02.040 It was just poverty.

00:22:03.800 But it was also great training,

00:22:05.320 because now you seem pretty immune to finances,

00:22:11.540 to the dangers.

00:22:13.520 To the dangers?

00:22:14.580 Yeah.

00:22:14.880 You have money, but you seem kind of,

00:22:17.360 I don't know you well enough,

00:22:18.360 but you seem like you're resistant to letting it.

00:22:21.700 I was talking to you about Jake Hanrahan.

00:22:23.140 He won't take advertising money,

00:22:25.620 so he doesn't want anybody pressuring him to cover it.

00:22:27.400 Yeah, I don't think you should worship money.

00:22:29.100 I'm opposed to that.

00:22:30.280 Yeah.

00:22:30.520 I don't think it makes you happy.

00:22:31.520 Debt makes you unhappy.

00:22:32.960 Right.

00:22:33.440 Money does not make you happy.

00:22:34.180 Severe lack of money makes you unhappy.

00:22:35.740 100%.

00:22:36.060 That is real.

00:22:36.780 But I was broke for long enough where I don't need these things anymore.

00:22:40.080 Good for you.

00:22:40.660 I'm happy with like,

00:22:41.560 oh, I got an aisle seat.

00:22:42.840 You know,

00:22:43.240 I don't need to fly private or first class.

00:22:46.020 It's nice,

00:22:46.820 but like,

00:22:47.340 I don't,

00:22:48.420 I sleep in hostels,

00:22:49.500 you know?

00:22:49.760 I love that.

00:22:50.440 Yeah,

00:22:50.700 it's,

00:22:51.660 yeah,

00:22:53.160 so I'm free of it,

00:22:53.900 and it frees me up to do fun things.

00:22:55.940 So you took that experience and did a special on Judaism.

00:23:00.440 Mm-hmm.

00:23:01.120 Yeah,

00:23:01.340 you got to watch it.

00:23:02.900 Why'd you do that?

00:23:04.620 I mean,

00:23:04.900 I've been looking at this stuff forever.

00:23:06.720 I just wasn't good enough to do it,

00:23:08.360 but it was always on my mind.

00:23:11.240 If you're wondering how big tech got powerful enough to void the First Amendment to the Constitution of the United States,

00:23:18.160 how did it get big enough to nullify the founding documents of the most powerful company in the world?

00:23:24.580 Well,

00:23:25.000 simple.

00:23:25.460 They got really rich.

00:23:27.340 Money is power.

00:23:28.660 Well,

00:23:28.780 how'd they get rich?

00:23:30.120 From information,

00:23:31.940 your information,

00:23:33.380 which you keep giving to them.

00:23:35.240 How do you do that?

00:23:36.140 Well,

00:23:36.700 every time you use the internet unprotected,

00:23:39.580 you're handing all of your online activity,

00:23:42.240 all the details about you to Silicon Valley,

00:23:45.580 which sells it,

00:23:47.080 including to government agencies,

00:23:48.900 which use it to spy on you.

00:23:51.180 That's why it's probably not a good idea to go online.

00:23:54.560 unprotected,

00:23:55.140 not just for your own sake,

00:23:56.580 but for the sake of the country.

00:23:58.460 How do you fight back?

00:23:59.840 Well,

00:24:00.380 with ExpressVPN.

00:24:02.860 ExpressVPN is an app that encrypts and reroutes 100% of your network traffic through secure servers.

00:24:08.600 What does that do?

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00:24:19.940 That means anyone out there trying to profit from you and your personal data can't.

00:24:25.460 Well,

00:24:25.700 how do we know it works?

00:24:26.740 Well,

00:24:27.500 we know for a fact it works because this winter,

00:24:30.280 when my producers and I were in Russia conducting interviews,

00:24:33.280 including with the president of that country,

00:24:35.260 internet traffic was getting blocked by the government.

00:24:37.800 So we got an ExpressVPN account and we're able to get that interview out of the country securely and bring it to the world.

00:24:45.480 So it works.

00:24:47.400 We know it works.

00:24:49.360 ExpressVPN also keeps you safe from hackers,

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00:25:54.440 This is Senator Roger Marshall of Kansas.

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00:27:46.420 The non-Jews have seven laws of Noah. 1.00

00:27:51.880 That's all you gotta do.

00:27:52.680 Yeah, I've read them.

00:27:52.940 And you get into heaven.

00:27:54.220 And they're pretty easy.

00:27:55.140 They're great.

00:27:56.180 They're pretty easy.

00:27:57.100 Don't eat an animal while it's still living.

00:27:59.500 Exactly.

00:27:59.920 Should be a no-brainer.

00:28:00.800 Don't kill.

00:28:01.380 Don't kill.

00:28:02.400 Harder for some people, but not others.

00:28:04.000 Don't rape. 0.97

00:28:04.560 Even harder for some people, but most are still on the right side of it.

00:28:07.520 I forget what the other ones are.

00:28:09.060 Adultery.

00:28:09.740 Yeah.

00:28:10.560 It's not that hard.

00:28:11.580 And you get to go to heaven.

00:28:12.480 And you'll be right alongside a rabbi.

00:28:13.960 Well, not only that, they're like very reasonable.

00:28:17.160 Yeah, they're not like hard ones to do.

00:28:19.160 No, they're all kind of rooted in natural law.

00:28:21.620 Yeah.

00:28:21.800 No, I read that.

00:28:22.880 Yeah, when you convert, they're like, what are you doing this for? 0.99

00:28:25.960 You're just going to make it harder on yourself.

00:28:27.300 You're going to heaven already.

00:28:28.440 That's interesting.

00:28:29.300 Okay.

00:28:29.780 You don't feel there's any contempt at all in that. 1.00

00:28:31.840 There becomes contempt at the end where it's like, well, you're not in our group, so kind of fuck you. 1.00

00:28:38.280 But that's not in the law. 1.00

00:28:39.820 I mean, even Jesus is like, accept everyone, take them in.

00:28:42.640 Right.

00:28:43.260 But people don't really do that.

00:28:45.180 No.

00:28:45.560 You know?

00:28:45.920 Not at all.

00:28:46.580 Yeah.

00:28:47.620 So, but the, I think, I do think that the Sabbath laws are, you know, like if you're using somebody else to do something that you're not allowed to do.

00:28:57.340 Yeah.

00:28:57.940 Well, I talk about the loopholes in that special where it's like, you're actually not allowed to fully ask them, can you turn this light on?

00:29:02.560 Because then that's like, you're doing it.

00:29:04.760 So it's by implication.

00:29:05.820 God, it sure is dark in here.

00:29:07.540 You know, I'm not allowed to turn the lights on.

00:29:10.660 Non-Jews are allowed.

00:29:14.340 But I can't do it. 0.99

00:29:16.580 It does suck. 0.96

00:29:17.120 I want to read. 0.99

00:29:20.940 It's so loophole-y.

00:29:22.060 It's great.

00:29:24.120 But what was the moment where you decided to?

00:29:26.020 So, you can't use electricity.

00:29:27.920 I was in a dorm room in a yeshiva that's closed now in Pai Vagan, Jerusalem.

00:29:33.280 And there was a light, a reading light above my bed.

00:29:36.260 And you could use that to like read Talmud before you go to sleep or whatever.

00:29:39.980 Left it on on Shabbos.

00:29:41.860 And what I was going to do was take a hand-washing cup.

00:29:45.400 There's like a ritual hand-washing you do in the mornings and before bread.

00:29:49.580 And I was going to put that over the light.

00:29:52.960 It was like this little ball.

00:29:55.120 And I was going to put it over the light, drown out the light.

00:29:56.680 So the light's still on.

00:29:57.620 It's just drowned out.

00:29:58.840 The cup kept falling.

00:30:00.700 Kept putting it on there.

00:30:01.740 It kept, because it was round.

00:30:02.980 The bay, it just kept falling off.

00:30:04.720 It wouldn't stay on.

00:30:05.440 And the light was in my eye.

00:30:06.880 And it was frustrating.

00:30:07.900 You want to sleep.

00:30:08.660 And you can't.

00:30:09.880 And at some point, I was like, I'm just going to turn it off.

00:30:13.120 It's Friday night.

00:30:13.740 I'm not allowed.

00:30:14.700 But then my, so the entrance to the yeshiva was like right here.

00:30:18.440 My window was right here.

00:30:19.360 So anyone coming in or out would see my light go off.

00:30:22.020 And they'd be like, we're all these super Orthodox Jews.

00:30:26.840 No light can go on or off.

00:30:28.260 We'll, we'll notice that on a Friday night. 1.00

00:30:29.800 And I was like, ah, fuck, I'll get caught. 0.99

00:30:31.560 I'll get in trouble if I do this. 0.99

00:30:34.180 So I didn't do it.

00:30:35.560 I didn't even do it.

00:30:36.660 Didn't break any law.

00:30:37.580 But I thought about it for like a couple of years.

00:30:41.840 The fact that I was more worried about a man getting me in trouble than God.

00:30:46.520 When it's God's law, it's not man's law. 0.77

00:30:50.980 Jaywalking.

00:30:51.640 Sure.

00:30:51.860 I'll make, look for a cop.

00:30:53.080 Right.

00:30:53.420 Do that, you know, but, but the Sabbath stuff, that's all just God. 0.99

00:30:56.060 I shouldn't give a fuck about Jews seeing me. 1.00

00:30:59.240 There's either in the tour, there's like a worse punishment for someone who steals in secrecy 1.00

00:31:04.080 than it steals brazenly.

00:31:05.300 Cause at least stealing brazenly.

00:31:07.540 Exactly.

00:31:08.000 You're not worried about man catching you.

00:31:09.320 Exactly. 1.00

00:31:09.660 And you're like, well, fuck God either way. 1.00

00:31:11.120 But, but I don't give a shit about man. 1.00

00:31:13.520 So the fact that I was more worried about people getting me in trouble than God. 0.98

00:31:16.780 And I was talking about, I was like, I don't think I believe in them or I wouldn't have

00:31:20.600 done it.

00:31:20.900 If I believe there was this like, you know, old man in heaven saying, don't do this.

00:31:25.540 It'll be bad for your mortal soul.

00:31:27.380 I just wouldn't do it. 0.99

00:31:29.720 Compared to like, if your dad's in the room, you don't masturbate. 0.94

00:31:33.900 Right.

00:31:34.300 Because you believe he's real and his reaction is pretty obvious what it would be, but you're

00:31:39.980 not just going to start jerking. 1.00

00:31:40.920 Like, oh, the fuck, I didn't know you were real that, you know, you're a hundred percent 1.00

00:31:44.220 sure he's real. 1.00

00:31:44.980 And I wasn't sure God was real.

00:31:46.780 And I was just like, and then I just looked more and more and I was like, I think I'm

00:31:50.660 out.

00:31:52.460 Maybe the lesson is you care too much what other people think.

00:31:55.140 Maybe.

00:31:56.480 No, I mean, that's another way to look at it.

00:31:58.200 Yeah.

00:31:58.340 Yeah.

00:31:58.900 So anyway, so my friends got mad.

00:32:00.300 They're like, they can't leave religion.

00:32:01.280 Like, well, if you don't believe in God, take the Torah, the holy sacred scroll and like

00:32:04.680 throw it in the floor, which is like, if you see it fall, you have to fast for like, I

00:32:08.620 don't know how long.

00:32:09.200 Um, and I'm like, no, I would still respect you guys.

00:32:12.820 I'm not going to like, it's so rude.

00:32:15.340 But you told your friends, your fellows.

00:32:17.580 A few of them.

00:32:18.820 Some were angry.

00:32:19.860 Some were like disappointed.

00:32:21.580 Nobody was like, cool.

00:32:23.980 Nobody.

00:32:25.460 What'd your parents say?

00:32:27.040 Pretty mad.

00:32:29.400 Yeah.

00:32:29.900 They were like, well, you're going to lose the culture.

00:32:32.400 They're all fine now.

00:32:33.580 So in hindsight, it's fine, but they're totally fine now. 0.99

00:32:36.700 So just like, but at the time they're like, what the fuck? 0.99

00:32:39.740 They were really mad. 0.99

00:32:40.820 It was like, uh, yeah, they were like, even a dog believes in God.

00:32:45.200 That's true. 0.99

00:32:45.860 You're lower than a dog. 1.00

00:32:47.400 Did they say him? 1.00

00:32:48.500 Yeah.

00:32:48.980 Yeah.

00:32:49.360 But I was like, show me that research.

00:32:50.980 What are you talking about?

00:32:52.020 Who's done a study on that?

00:32:54.160 Um, but totally fine now.

00:32:56.520 So how did you decide you want to go into standup from there?

00:32:59.000 I always kind of liked being the Joker.

00:33:01.960 Uh, and then my friend Ami Butler was, uh, he was like, you should try it.

00:33:05.140 You should try standup.

00:33:05.820 Uh, so you moved back from Israel, moved back from Israel, went to university of Maryland

00:33:09.580 a couple of years.

00:33:11.280 No, first went to Yeshiva university in New York.

00:33:13.800 That's where I kind of like fully lost the religion.

00:33:16.360 And I'm like, what's the point of paying for a split curriculum?

00:33:18.840 Yeah, of course.

00:33:19.540 College.

00:33:19.860 So I switched to state school.

00:33:22.280 Um, got laid for the first time ever.

00:33:26.780 Yeah. 0.99

00:33:27.420 It was fucking, it's nice. 1.00

00:33:29.400 If you haven't tried it, you should fuck. 1.00

00:33:31.780 I haven't. 1.00

00:33:32.140 It's great.

00:33:32.720 I'm busy.

00:33:33.080 That's the thing.

00:33:33.860 It's great.

00:33:34.580 You're busy destroying Democrats. 0.99

00:33:36.380 Jewish girl. 0.99

00:33:37.760 Uh, no, no, I have.

00:33:40.000 Oh, so you went all the way out then. 1.00

00:33:42.540 You look too much like me, you know, it's like fucking a mirror. 0.99

00:33:47.900 It's not the best. 0.99

00:33:50.200 Um, you're like, I'm legally not allowed to join in on this.

00:33:53.600 Um, yeah, I went, yeah, I just had, it was nuts.

00:33:57.260 It was so great. 0.99

00:33:57.920 Got a blow job. 0.99

00:33:59.380 Oh, did you call your friends back in the yeshiva and tell them? 0.99

00:34:03.220 No, I did not.

00:34:04.760 I did not.

00:34:05.540 We, I'm friends with a couple of them still.

00:34:08.000 Um, but not many.

00:34:09.280 It's just a different world now.

00:34:11.140 Plus they all have kids.

00:34:12.180 It's like, how many of them got married?

00:34:15.660 All of them.

00:34:16.380 All of them.

00:34:16.840 Yeah.

00:34:17.160 So everybody gets married.

00:34:18.660 Everybody gets married.

00:34:19.600 At what age?

00:34:20.200 And have kids.

00:34:21.460 Sister got married at 20.

00:34:23.700 Wasn't that like crazy.

00:34:24.800 It was just like a touch early, but not really.

00:34:27.820 But all those marriages seem to survive.

00:34:29.360 They really do.

00:34:30.020 Right.

00:34:30.480 It's interesting.

00:34:31.040 I've noticed that.

00:34:31.840 Yeah.

00:34:32.180 What's the divorce rate among Orthodox Jews?

00:34:34.020 So low.

00:34:34.640 We had one divorced couple growing up in my neighborhood and was like, whoa, can you believe it?

00:34:39.600 They're divorced.

00:34:41.600 We thought it was so nuts.

00:34:43.200 Yeah.

00:34:43.300 And then when I got to university in Maryland and everybody's parents were split and I was

00:34:46.600 like, what?

00:34:47.820 So what works better?

00:34:48.860 I don't know.

00:34:51.540 I guess it's what you're looking for in your marriage where it's just a union to like be

00:34:56.260 a family unit and raise kids is the most important thing.

00:34:58.880 So like this is fine.

00:34:59.540 This works for that.

00:35:00.440 Or it's like, do I want fulfillment?

00:35:02.300 And like, yeah, I don't know.

00:35:04.540 You don't think they're fulfilled?

00:35:06.500 I think if you're all you want as family, then yeah, you're fulfilled.

00:35:09.620 You've got a great family, you know, you're part of the community.

00:35:13.200 But if you're like, yeah, they say it's like, it's like misogynist Judaism because

00:35:18.560 the women just stay at home. 1.00

00:35:19.660 But I'm like, no, they're there to raise the family.

00:35:21.940 Right.

00:35:22.080 It's not like you're not allowed to work.

00:35:23.920 It's like, this is your part.

00:35:25.640 This is his part.

00:35:26.820 He's raising money for the family.

00:35:28.520 Do you think a lot of Orthodox mothers secretly want to work at banks?

00:35:31.520 No.

00:35:32.040 Right.

00:35:33.560 Exactly.

00:35:34.680 This isn't fun.

00:35:36.120 And it's voluntary.

00:35:37.040 You don't have to join this lifestyle, right?

00:35:39.020 Yeah, right.

00:35:39.820 Well, if you're raising it, you kind of do.

00:35:42.880 It's not legally, but you know.

00:35:44.880 Do you ever have any regrets you didn't become a rabbi?

00:35:46.860 No.

00:35:48.560 No.

00:35:49.740 Uh-uh.

00:35:51.080 No, I'm having a great time.

00:35:52.600 Some of them will look down on me and be like, there'll be demeaning like, you'll be back. 1.00

00:35:56.220 And like talk down to me and it's like, oh, you guys fucking suck. 1.00

00:35:59.000 You don't think you will be back? 1.00

00:36:00.380 No.

00:36:02.020 What to what?

00:36:03.440 I don't know.

00:36:04.280 I didn't. 1.00

00:36:04.540 If you're getting your dick sucked, that's totally illegal in that religion. 1.00

00:36:08.360 Is it really? 1.00

00:36:08.940 Yeah, it's wasting seed. 0.99

00:36:10.760 Oral sex is illegal. 0.99

00:36:11.660 Yeah.

00:36:12.380 I didn't know that.

00:36:12.880 It's wasting seed.

00:36:14.300 Condoms are illegal.

00:36:15.840 But the sheet thing is not real.

00:36:17.380 Sheet thing's not real.

00:36:18.780 This is all an Ari Shafir Jew on YouTube now. 0.98

00:36:22.280 So you got to the bottom of the sheet rumor.

00:36:24.880 I was fooled.

00:36:25.900 That's how strong a rumor it was.

00:36:27.340 Really?

00:36:27.700 I was fooled.

00:36:28.540 Did you ever talk about that in yeshiva?

00:36:30.940 No, but I thought I had a rabbi who definitely did it.

00:36:33.720 And my friend was like, that's a false memory.

00:36:36.120 No way.

00:36:36.440 Really?

00:36:36.640 Because it doesn't exist.

00:36:38.680 Who spread that rumor?

00:36:39.860 That's a pretty.

00:36:40.880 I think it comes from tzitzit.

00:36:42.980 It's like this.

00:36:44.100 So there's 613 commandments. 0.99

00:36:46.580 God, I lived in this for fucking five years. 0.98

00:36:48.760 I forgot about all of it. 0.99

00:36:49.840 And then I lived in it for five years trying to go over the stuff again.

00:36:53.060 And then I just put it behind me again.

00:36:54.960 When you mentioned Talmud and I brought up Steinsaults out of like, I don't know where 1.00

00:36:57.960 that came from.

00:36:58.380 I was very impressed.

00:37:00.180 Yeah.

00:37:00.780 I didn't know what the Talmud was until pretty recently.

00:37:03.720 I'm reading it.

00:37:04.260 I actually think it's really interesting.

00:37:05.780 It's very interesting.

00:37:06.760 But there's this.

00:37:07.320 So one of the commandments, you try to do as many as you can.

00:37:09.120 Some of them are big temple based.

00:37:11.800 So you just can't anymore.

00:37:13.360 You don't have a temple.

00:37:15.560 That's in 70 AD.

00:37:17.540 Boom.

00:37:19.000 They're going to have another one, the Messiah, they say.

00:37:21.000 So those laws will be back.

00:37:22.500 But you try to do as many as you can.

00:37:23.640 They're good deeds and they're bad deeds, but they're all like commandments.

00:37:28.380 There's 613 of them.

00:37:29.460 One of them is if you have a four-cornered garment, a poncho, you have to tie these tassels

00:37:33.860 to the end of them.

00:37:34.600 So sometimes you'll see strings coming out from the post-shirts.

00:37:36.640 Okay.

00:37:37.140 So they make themselves a four-cornered garment so that they can do that commandment.

00:37:43.120 And it looks like a t-shirt underneath their shirt.

00:37:46.600 It's like, you don't even need it, but you're like, here's our chance to wear it.

00:37:50.180 Have you ever worn one?

00:37:51.000 Oh, yeah.

00:37:51.600 All the time.

00:37:52.520 Is it comfortable?

00:37:53.940 It's neither here nor there.

00:37:54.900 It goes in between a t-shirt and your overshirt.

00:37:56.900 So you barely even notice it.

00:37:59.900 Oh, so you're wearing three layers.

00:38:01.860 Yeah.

00:38:02.560 That's a lot.

00:38:03.460 Yeah, that's why they smell. 1.00

00:38:04.240 They don't fucking wash their shit. 1.00

00:38:05.200 How does that? 1.00

00:38:05.840 They don't, do they, is that?

00:38:07.060 They do smell.

00:38:08.260 What is that?

00:38:09.320 It's just like, soap is expensive.

00:38:13.380 So I always thought that was bigotry from secular Jews are always saying.

00:38:17.520 Yeah, yeah, yeah. 0.98

00:38:18.220 No, they do smell a lot. 0.98

00:38:19.700 It's also like you're wearing, you're fucking dressed like Johnny Cash in the summertime. 0.99

00:38:22.520 It's going to fucking, it's going to stink after a while. 0.99

00:38:24.800 You got to wash that all the time. 0.99

00:38:25.440 So Jerusalem in August is.

00:38:26.880 Oh, oh, it's disgusting. 1.00

00:38:29.440 It's like fucking Yangon. 1.00

00:38:30.980 That's actually true? 0.99

00:38:32.640 Yeah, yeah.

00:38:33.560 The Jerusalem, Tel Aviv, they're more shower centric. 0.92

00:38:37.780 Amazing.

00:38:38.400 It's nuts.

00:38:38.840 When you get up the road from Tel Aviv, it's a windy road from, and as soon as you get over 0.99

00:38:42.300 that hill, it's fucking, it's a costume party. 0.96

00:38:44.600 It's Fiddler on the Roof. 1.00

00:38:45.040 It's the best.

00:38:45.960 It's so weird.

00:38:46.620 It's like you're living in an ancient time.

00:38:48.180 It's the most interesting place on the planet.

00:38:50.540 Yeah.

00:38:51.520 Three religions, three and a half coming together on one little small area of an old city.

00:38:56.300 Three and a half?

00:38:57.480 It's like two different kinds of Christian.

00:38:59.540 No, I'd heard that, but they're pretty similar.

00:39:02.820 The Armenians and the Greek.

00:39:04.960 Well, the Ethiopians, Greek, Orthodox, Catholic, Protestant. 0.89

00:39:09.600 But in the old city, it's like.

00:39:11.200 Yeah.

00:39:11.640 Yeah.

00:39:11.960 Anyway, whatever.

00:39:12.620 I don't know enough about them.

00:39:16.020 Do you still have your outfits?

00:39:17.160 Anyway, so here's where it came from.

00:39:18.700 No, I don't have any of that.

00:39:19.660 But like, so you wear that four-color garment.

00:39:21.220 I think they were hanging up to dry, and it's a sheet with a neck hole in it.

00:39:24.460 Yes. 1.00

00:39:25.040 And I think just some racists were like, they probably fucked through that. 0.99

00:39:29.000 That's what that is. 0.99

00:39:30.500 And it just caught on.

00:39:32.820 Interesting.

00:39:33.400 Yeah.

00:39:33.680 And the hole is so big that the Jews are like, let them run with that rumor. 1.00

00:39:38.900 It took you five years to write that special?

00:39:42.140 Yeah.

00:39:42.940 Yeah.

00:39:43.300 And some of the jokes are even older.

00:39:45.160 What's your process for writing it?

00:39:47.620 This one was way different.

00:39:48.920 Because I had to, I never have to fact check my jokes. 1.00

00:39:52.200 I can be an idiot in my jokes. 0.99

00:39:54.780 I can, normally I'm allowed to say David Trump. 1.00

00:39:59.200 And people are like, it's Donald Trump.

00:40:00.420 I'm like, oh, I don't know.

00:40:01.780 It's fine if I don't get the facts wrong.

00:40:03.920 You know? 1.00

00:40:04.300 I can be a moron. 0.99

00:40:05.200 It's actually, sometimes I try to like misspeak so that like, don't trust me on this. 0.98

00:40:09.600 I'm not an expert.

00:40:10.900 I'm just making fun of it.

00:40:11.880 So I'll try to like throw in wrong details.

00:40:14.880 Who came up with the idea that you only vote in November in elections?

00:40:19.020 No.

00:40:19.820 You vote every single day with your time and your money.

00:40:23.800 You show your preferences.

00:40:24.900 You put your support behind things you believe in and you withhold support from things you don't.

00:40:30.980 You can do that with your cell phone, by the way.

00:40:33.500 There's a wireless company that if you're not on board with what's going on in this country at the highest levels, you can make your preference known.

00:40:40.900 It's called Pure Talk.

00:40:43.420 It's probably something you should consider.

00:40:45.740 It is proudly veteran-led.

00:40:47.920 It is led by veterans of the U.S. military.

00:40:50.280 And it supports American jobs by their customer service team.

00:40:55.640 All of them are right here in the United States.

00:40:57.420 What other company can say that, by the way?

00:40:59.280 Not many.

00:41:00.100 It proudly supports great charities.

00:41:01.660 Charities that you would support yourself, like America's Warrior Partnership.

00:41:05.700 Every dollar you spend, some of that money goes to those charities every single month.

00:41:10.100 When you switch your cell phone service to Pure Talk, you know what?

00:41:13.360 You will not be sacrificing coverage because Pure Talk puts you on America's most reliable 5G network.

00:41:20.060 And with plans starting at just $20 a month for unlimited talk, taxed lots of data, you can literally cut your monthly cell phone bill in half while doing something that you can feel good about and believe in the average family saves almost $1,000 a year.

00:41:33.320 So no contract, no cancellation fee, and a 30-day, a 30-day money-back guarantee, it makes switching easy.

00:41:42.200 Go to puretalk.com slash Tucker and you'll save an additional 50% off your first month.

00:41:48.240 Once again, that is puretalk.com slash Tucker to switch your cell phone service to a company you can be proud to do business with.

00:41:57.220 But like, how do you write it?

00:42:20.160 Do you write it out by hand?

00:42:21.740 Do you paste your living room and say it out loud?

00:42:23.440 So I started, this one was I would go to the cellar, the comedy cellar had a small room and I would do an hour and I would do like, I had like 20 show minutes, something on Noah and the flood.

00:42:34.440 That's where it started with, which became my closer in the end.

00:42:37.500 And then a couple other bits.

00:42:38.960 And then I said, okay, I've already set up now that I can make jokes about this stuff.

00:42:43.080 You guys see, I'm not serious about it.

00:42:44.700 Do you have any questions about Jews that you've wanted to know?

00:42:47.280 Like anything, I will answer it.

00:42:50.320 And I'll try to riff and make it funny.

00:42:51.860 Something I used to do with this guy, Don Barris, a long time ago, we'd do Ask a Jew.

00:42:55.560 We call her Jew and A, Late Night at the Comedy Store.

00:42:59.080 And it started with like, hey, you know, yeah, I can be a resource.

00:43:01.800 And then all the comedians would sit around the room and they'd ask questions.

00:43:05.880 So first it was like, how many commandments are there?

00:43:08.260 I'm like, oh, good question, 613.

00:43:09.760 I'm like, oh, okay.

00:43:10.620 Someone else is like, yes, question. 0.98

00:43:11.540 You're like, if Jews are supposed to be such good writers, why is his diary on Frank so fucking boring? 0.99

00:43:15.380 I'm like, okay, well, it's a bestseller for fucking uneducated girl for 30 years or 50 years. 0.99

00:43:20.080 So you're wrong about that. 0.99

00:43:21.440 Hey, what goes in the place of your soul?

00:43:22.980 Like, all right, well, Pablo Neruda would say that there is no such thing as a soul, but diamonds, diamonds go there. 1.00

00:43:29.380 And then we just fuck around. 0.99

00:43:30.780 Occasionally, we get people complaining. 0.99

00:43:32.460 Like, they were so rude to that man.

00:43:34.240 But it was all just comedians.

00:43:36.060 Jew and A.

00:43:36.680 Yeah, Jew and A. 0.99

00:43:37.380 It was a lot of fun.

00:43:39.320 Do you still talk to the jackal that birthed you?

00:43:41.900 It's just like, and I'm like, oh, that's a bit offensive.

00:43:45.300 But it was all my friends.

00:43:46.400 It was so fun.

00:43:47.500 Late night at the store was so fun.

00:43:48.820 The jackal that birthed you.

00:43:50.220 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:43:53.720 So as a mud person, would you say, and I'm like, well, stop you there.

00:43:59.240 Yeah, we'd have this thing at the end of it where Don would go, he would run it, and he'd be like, I saw a documentary on the Holocaust.

00:44:08.000 It didn't seem that bad.

00:44:10.060 It seems like you guys are exaggerating.

00:44:11.540 I was like, I don't know, man.

00:44:12.940 And I, what was it?

00:44:14.320 Well, what was the documentary?

00:44:15.620 I didn't see.

00:44:15.860 He goes, it's called Hogan's Heroes?

00:44:17.800 It seemed like bumbling oafs.

00:44:19.640 It doesn't seem like they could have done any of that stuff.

00:44:22.240 We had a smell test.

00:44:23.200 He goes, can you smell money?

00:44:26.380 And I was like, yeah, I can.

00:44:28.960 Yeah, it's just one of the things we have.

00:44:30.320 And then we'd set up ahead of time.

00:44:31.800 He was like, all right, I need three bills.

00:44:33.260 A one, a 20, and a hundred.

00:44:35.500 And then he crumpled up a turn, but we all knew the order, so the crowd didn't know.

00:44:39.580 And I'd smell like, that's like, hmm, that's like, it's got a nutty aroma.

00:44:44.840 Hint of saddle leather.

00:44:46.120 Yeah, it was like, is that like a, I think it's a 20?

00:44:48.560 And everyone was like, oh, you got it.

00:44:49.840 One in three shot, you know.

00:44:51.680 And then the hundred, like, oh, I love that smell.

00:44:54.300 I know what that is.

00:44:55.200 And then he showed me the warm, like, ugh, get it out of my face. 0.94

00:44:57.520 It's disgusting.

00:44:58.840 Yeah, so, wait, what was I going with this? 1.00

00:45:01.340 Fuck. 1.00

00:45:02.780 What did you ask? 1.00

00:45:03.220 How you write it.

00:45:04.280 Oh, right.

00:45:04.780 So I just asked people.

00:45:05.740 So it kind of birthed from that.

00:45:06.880 I asked people, what questions do you have?

00:45:08.080 And sometimes they're like, what's with the wigs?

00:45:10.100 I'm like, oh, okay.

00:45:11.520 Well, it's a loophole.

00:45:13.160 You can't be attracted to your neighbor's wife. 0.99

00:45:16.060 So hair is something you're attracted to.

00:45:18.060 So you cover up your hair.

00:45:19.440 So it's not your hair. 1.00

00:45:21.520 It's some fucking Asian lady's hair. 1.00

00:45:23.660 You know, which is actually better hair. 1.00

00:45:26.200 It's weird.

00:45:26.900 But it's not you.

00:45:27.640 It's Soong Lee.

00:45:29.000 And you just do stuff.

00:45:30.060 What are the pillows?

00:45:31.280 I'm like, what pillows?

00:45:32.240 What do you mean? 1.00

00:45:32.700 Oh, it's your fucking bag that you have for your talus or tefillin that you carry. 1.00

00:45:37.900 It looks like a pillow to them. 0.99

00:45:39.160 I never, it's just, so it was a way of looking at stuff.

00:45:41.500 And so the same questions would come up over and over again.

00:45:45.100 And I'd riff, try to be funny.

00:45:46.840 And then I'm like, if the same question keeps coming up, this is something I should cover.

00:45:51.720 And if a question came up once ever, then I'm like, all right, that's just one guy.

00:45:56.120 One of us is like, why are Jews afraid of cats?

00:45:57.780 I'm like, that's just one Jew you knew, bro.

00:45:59.640 That's not a stereotype.

00:46:00.780 That was just one Jew. 1.00

00:46:01.620 And so I would just try to cover everything.

00:46:04.480 Why are Jews afraid of cats? 0.57

00:46:06.240 That's not a thing.

00:46:07.200 A hundred percent, that's not a thing.

00:46:10.260 So yeah, I would just try to, and then I would try to tweak it and tweak it and tweak it.

00:46:13.200 And then I'd have to do this thing where it's like, I had to see if I was wrong, which I don't ever do in my standup.

00:46:19.040 But it had to be correct.

00:46:20.560 I couldn't be wrong.

00:46:21.640 Oh, about the religion.

00:46:22.860 Yeah.

00:46:23.220 Yeah.

00:46:23.760 Yeah. 0.99

00:46:24.200 So like I started doing a bit about that fucking through a hole in a sheet. 0.97

00:46:27.140 And then my friend was like, that's not a true thing. 1.00

00:46:29.440 I'm like, fuck. 0.99

00:46:30.760 I had other rabbis. 0.99

00:46:31.860 I had this giant bit, a closer about Noah and his, and his, his 40, he had 40 children and how his wife was a real hero. 1.00

00:46:40.020 Cause her pussy must've been blown out. 1.00

00:46:42.020 And then a rabbi in Copenhagen was like, Hey, loved it. 1.00

00:46:45.180 The whole thing.

00:46:45.960 He didn't have 40 kids.

00:46:47.460 And I was like, no, he did.

00:46:48.660 He goes, no, he had two, two, I forget now.

00:46:53.260 Two sons and three daughters, whatever it was.

00:46:54.820 Yeah.

00:46:55.120 And their husbands.

00:46:56.000 Yeah.

00:46:56.360 And it was like, it just wasn't 40.

00:46:57.700 I was like, no.

00:46:58.980 And he goes, he goes, I don't mind.

00:47:00.180 I don't care.

00:47:00.720 I'm just telling you.

00:47:01.300 I love the whole thing.

00:47:02.040 I'm just telling you that wasn't, that's not right.

00:47:04.180 And I had to lose it. 0.98

00:47:05.160 I had to lose a fucking five minute, like crushing chunk. 0.99

00:47:07.780 Cause it wasn't correct. 1.00

00:47:09.600 Any other bit I was doing, I could just like, eh, fuck it. 0.99

00:47:11.820 I made up a detail. 0.96

00:47:12.460 But why were you fact checking your own stuff?

00:47:15.420 It had to be.

00:47:16.540 Cause I was doing a thing about a religion.

00:47:18.740 I was doing a factual informational hour, which I've never done.

00:47:21.900 Did you have any complaints?

00:47:23.260 Yeah.

00:47:24.240 But like real ones, any campaigns against you?

00:47:26.260 Nah.

00:47:26.760 Nah.

00:47:27.140 I'd say in Melbourne, it was that thing of like, this is hate speech.

00:47:30.100 You're calling them inbred.

00:47:31.800 And I'm like, no, it's loving.

00:47:34.040 All the Orthodox Jews I saw, it was like a little too much cursing for my taste, but nothing's 1.00

00:47:39.380 really wrong in here.

00:47:40.740 It's, it's respectful.

00:47:41.700 So who was saying that?

00:47:43.120 It was a love letter to my religion.

00:47:44.520 It sounds like it actually.

00:47:46.680 In, in my artistic way, in the comedy way.

00:47:49.300 But people can, don't you think people can smell the intent behind things?

00:47:52.800 Well, that's what it was.

00:47:53.480 So it was like a couple outliers are like, let's look for something angry in the world.

00:47:57.580 But she's like, that's all of Twitter.

00:47:59.720 I love how I've been telling people to get off Twitter for so long.

00:48:01.720 Do you go on it?

00:48:02.600 No, it's a cesspool. 0.68

00:48:04.840 And, and it's like people are like, oh, what Elon Musk is fighting.

00:48:07.300 I'm like, no, no, this way predates it.

00:48:08.660 He hasn't gotten rid of the negativity on there.

00:48:11.600 It's, hey, look, there's this cool telephone pole.

00:48:13.980 You know, a lot of people die in the making of that.

00:48:15.720 There's not enough trees to go around. 0.98

00:48:17.060 And it's like, Jesus, you guys can find the fucking terrible and everything. 0.95

00:48:20.960 So do you, do you use the internet? 0.99

00:48:24.100 Yeah.

00:48:24.480 I mean, yeah.

00:48:26.740 So, you know, to see if like a pill you found in your closet is good or bad.

00:48:32.840 Expired.

00:48:33.280 Yeah.

00:48:33.700 You know, something like that.

00:48:34.840 Like, what is this?

00:48:35.640 But you don't spend time looking at other people's opinions online.

00:48:38.840 No, you still see it though.

00:48:40.100 It seeps through.

00:48:41.040 If you're on Instagram and just like you see people weighing in on stuff, it just like,

00:48:44.880 it kind of comes into your, into like what you think of the world.

00:48:48.940 So you think that the reason everybody hates everybody else is because of the internet.

00:48:53.740 Yeah.

00:48:54.060 It, it, I didn't understand it.

00:48:56.340 You saw that movie that, um, half documentary, a little bit of like, whatever, like, what's

00:49:02.440 it called?

00:49:03.000 The social experiment.

00:49:04.080 I never saw it.

00:49:04.660 Oh, you should see it.

00:49:05.880 So the acting parts are kind of hokey, but it does illustrate like in real time what this

00:49:10.720 would be like.

00:49:11.020 Somebody like lost on their phone as this chick he likes is like looking for someone to 0.56

00:49:14.400 talk to and he's like lost on it.

00:49:16.800 So it's just a little acting scene, but it's just like one possible reason why you getting

00:49:20.680 lost on this.

00:49:21.720 Instead of talking to your neighbor on the bus, you're like, let me.

00:49:25.900 Yeah.

00:49:26.340 It's like, and these are the light problems.

00:49:28.340 You know, when I moved to New York, I was like, how do you make friends?

00:49:31.200 And my friend was like, go to a bar, order a beer, drink it at a regular pace, order another

00:49:35.940 one.

00:49:36.400 Midway through the second beer, you'll be talking to someone.

00:49:39.020 Yeah.

00:49:39.520 That time is done.

00:49:40.700 Is it really?

00:49:41.520 Yeah.

00:49:41.800 You look up to talk, they're down on their phone and then, then they look up, let's

00:49:45.780 talk and you're on your phone and you just keep missing the connection.

00:49:48.800 But it's like, boy, I haven't been to a bar in a while.

00:49:52.960 That's depressing.

00:49:53.840 It's depressing.

00:49:54.340 Yeah.

00:49:54.480 No one's open to meeting new people and hostels in like Southeast Asia are still, I hear they're 1.00

00:50:01.500 slipping, but like it's still that they can't afford an internet plan.

00:50:04.580 So yeah, for a while I got rid of my smartphone.

00:50:08.780 I had a flip phone for a while.

00:50:11.000 And so you're like Ted Kaczynski level anti-tech.

00:50:15.160 No, I'm on a smartphone now and it's ruining my life.

00:50:17.920 How?

00:50:19.200 I'm not present.

00:50:20.360 I'm wasting time.

00:50:21.600 Oh, that's right.

00:50:22.020 You look at your, your, your time used on a, on an iPhone.

00:50:25.220 It tells you, you think they'd cover it.

00:50:27.400 If it's over 45 minutes a day, it's too much.

00:50:29.620 And it's for most people, it's between four and eight hours every day that you're wasting.

00:50:34.080 Eight hours of sleeping.

00:50:36.880 Two hours is eating.

00:50:38.260 So that's 10. 0.99

00:50:39.280 So you have 14 hours left and four to eight of those are staring at a fucking screen. 0.99

00:50:47.160 It's, it's, we're all, we're all losing it. 0.99

00:50:49.600 We're all losing our lives.

00:50:51.320 You should just be calling a friend.

00:50:54.280 Do you call friends?

00:50:56.340 Sometimes it's fun.

00:50:57.040 You have old friends when you like text and they text back, text, text back.

00:51:00.060 And eventually they call, I can't do this anymore.

00:51:01.520 I was just talking out.

00:51:02.340 And you're like, this is what it should be.

00:51:03.580 So when I had a flip phone, it was this, you know, you'd miss the button.

00:51:08.360 She'd miss the T and you have to go around again and keep hitting it till you get the

00:51:11.880 right letter.

00:51:12.440 And it takes forever to text anything over two sentences.

00:51:14.860 I'm just going to call you and deal with it.

00:51:16.460 So you don't text.

00:51:18.100 No, I'm on a, I'm on a smartphone now.

00:51:19.980 So now I text constantly. 0.99

00:51:21.440 But when I had that flip phone, it was fucking, I gotta, I gotta fucking do it. 0.99

00:51:24.560 I gotta fucking go back. 0.99

00:51:25.460 Why'd you get off it? 0.99

00:51:26.260 I was promoting something and I thought I had to, and it, it fucking ruined my life. 0.96

00:51:32.960 It's the worst.

00:51:33.860 So you've actually taken breaks from the internet.

00:51:35.560 Well, so when I went to Southeast Asia in 2017, I changed all my passwords to my email, Instagram.

00:51:45.800 I think I still had Twitter back then.

00:51:47.900 Email, Instagram, Twitter.

00:51:49.560 What else is there?

00:51:50.660 Facebook.

00:51:51.520 I changed my password to this.

00:51:52.920 I just went to the computer and I went, and I cut and pasted that, sent it to a friend

00:51:57.420 and I said, do not send me this.

00:52:00.800 Wow.

00:52:01.340 My password was like, you know, just a 17 syllable, whatever.

00:52:05.300 I was like, don't send me this.

00:52:06.160 I don't want it.

00:52:06.840 I'll get it when I come back.

00:52:08.640 I don't want to be able to get in there.

00:52:10.880 So you didn't look.

00:52:11.840 So I had no access to Facebook, no access to Instagram, no access to email.

00:52:16.220 And then I left my phone at home.

00:52:18.020 I called an Uber to the airport.

00:52:21.020 And then put my phone on my desk, closed it.

00:52:24.000 And then I got an Uber and went.

00:52:25.760 That is really radical.

00:52:26.800 Why'd you do that?

00:52:27.740 It was the best.

00:52:30.360 It was the best.

00:52:31.240 But why'd you do it?

00:52:36.840 It's like not something you do accidentally.

00:52:38.660 No, it's not something I do accidentally.

00:52:41.840 That was the first time I've done it.

00:52:43.120 I've done it since a couple of times.

00:52:44.400 I went to Guatemala for 10, 12 days.

00:52:46.200 And I was like, I'm not bringing my phone on my computer.

00:52:49.040 You're just way freer.

00:52:50.800 You're more social.

00:52:53.660 And I don't want to be connected to America.

00:52:55.580 I just wanted to be like floating.

00:52:58.020 I just wanted to be like, that's this level of freedom.

00:53:01.860 And you followed the dead for a while.

00:53:03.660 Yeah.

00:53:04.500 Pre-internet.

00:53:05.520 Yeah.

00:53:07.140 I found my wife pre-internet. 0.99

00:53:09.140 Really?

00:53:09.700 Yeah.

00:53:10.920 What, it was just like a regular mail-in thing?

00:53:13.180 Yeah, I just ordered her right from Saigon. 1.00

00:53:16.540 With no reviews.

00:53:17.260 No, no, I went to school with her.

00:53:19.320 What a time, what a time.

00:53:21.220 But I was trying to explain to Rogan about it, about leaving.

00:53:23.680 And I was like, buddy, I can't, I can't, I don't know how to express it.

00:53:26.540 But like, there's this level of freedom.

00:53:29.200 It's like a second level of like, hey, I'm, I'm in wherever.

00:53:33.980 I'm in Southern Vietnam. 0.86

00:53:35.100 And I was going to go to the North, but I was just, I was getting sick of white people. 0.97

00:53:39.540 And I just like, where are there no white people? 0.91

00:53:42.220 And it was like, Chodok. 0.83

00:53:44.320 It was like Southern small town.

00:53:45.900 And I was like, oh, I'll go there instead.

00:53:47.280 Just the ability to swap.

00:53:49.180 Someone's like, I heard there's a good hike in Myanmar.

00:53:50.960 You go, oh, okay.

00:53:51.880 We'll do that instead.

00:53:52.720 And just like, you're just floating.

00:53:55.240 Meeting people, talking, interesting talk.

00:53:57.180 And you didn't feel helpless or afraid without a phone.

00:54:00.600 A hundred percent afraid.

00:54:03.000 Really?

00:54:03.440 Oh, yeah.

00:54:04.820 I mean, the first, I mean, I almost came back right away.

00:54:07.800 I was like, this is a mistake.

00:54:08.860 The dopamine dropped, you know, from, from being on there.

00:54:11.600 That's what they're trying to, you know, get you on there.

00:54:13.500 So that dropped.

00:54:14.280 And I'm like, I, I, I'm not getting my fix.

00:54:16.160 I was going through withdrawals.

00:54:18.140 Really?

00:54:18.620 Yeah.

00:54:19.720 And I was like, this is a mistake.

00:54:21.260 I say, so I went, I just, I was like, I'm not going to make any plans.

00:54:24.520 I went, I discovered, I decided a region, Southeast Asia.

00:54:27.180 It was cheap.

00:54:29.060 It was going to be that or South America.

00:54:32.340 So Southeast Asia seems so foreign. 0.99

00:54:35.100 I just gotten to travel.

00:54:36.280 I did one, one, like 17 day tour of China.

00:54:39.120 Did you bring a girl with you?

00:54:40.620 Go by yourself?

00:54:41.320 By myself.

00:54:42.360 China was fun.

00:54:43.040 So the comedians would kind of like guide it for you.

00:54:46.140 The ones that were out there.

00:54:47.220 They, and once somebody in Shanghai, Turner Sparks was like, by the way, it's safe here.

00:54:52.180 Like they won't touch you here in China. 0.99

00:54:54.300 You can be a drunk woman asleep with your fucking phone in your hand, like passed out. 0.99

00:54:58.380 And you'll wake up in that exact position on touch. 1.00

00:55:01.080 The punishments for violent crime are way too much.

00:55:03.640 And the embarrassment for their family is way too much.

00:55:06.360 So once they told me it was safe, I was like, oh, all my like xenophobia was gone.

00:55:10.840 I was like sick.

00:55:12.160 See you guys later.

00:55:12.880 Like, you don't want a guy.

00:55:13.720 I'm like, oh, I'm out.

00:55:15.080 And I would just walk around and discover.

00:55:16.840 I was, then I was, it blew my mind.

00:55:18.100 And I was like, I got to get lost again.

00:55:19.900 It was so cool.

00:55:21.620 So I wait, I got my, I got every visa I needed ahead of time.

00:55:25.120 Like Thailand's like on landing.

00:55:26.800 You get a visa.

00:55:28.300 Um, some places are on landing.

00:55:29.760 Some places you need ahead of time.

00:55:31.020 So Vietnam, I think I got ahead of time.

00:55:34.420 Maybe Myanmar, not Cambodia.

00:55:36.340 I think that was on, on landing.

00:55:38.380 And they were all like good for six months, a month, any six month period, you know, for

00:55:42.740 six months, any month, as soon as you land.

00:55:45.900 So, and I just waited till like a day before.

00:55:48.480 I was like, where's the weather the best?

00:55:50.360 So there was rain in Vietnam.

00:55:51.840 So no, there was rain in Thailand.

00:55:54.080 So no.

00:55:54.580 And then Myanmar had like 10 clear days. 0.63

00:55:57.960 Did you call home at any point?

00:55:59.240 No.

00:56:00.760 Uh-uh.

00:56:01.220 So you just basically disappeared for how long?

00:56:04.280 Four and a half months.

00:56:06.240 Yeah. 1.00

00:56:06.560 Oh, God damn. 1.00

00:56:07.720 It was fucking great. 1.00

00:56:08.960 What was so great about it? 0.99

00:56:10.280 It's that freedom.

00:56:11.280 It's seeing things, seeing the world new, seeing a cultures that were different than yours. 1.00

00:56:17.400 Meeting, and I didn't meet locals.

00:56:19.280 The language is a real problem in Asia, but I met Germans at the hostels I was at.

00:56:24.520 I met people from England at the hostels I was at.

00:56:26.340 You talk.

00:56:27.180 I remember talking in, in.

00:56:28.780 Did anyone recognize you?

00:56:30.420 Twice.

00:56:31.580 One time on an island in Cambodia, I was walking down this like kind of deserved beach.

00:56:35.840 And someone was like, is with their girl.

00:56:37.140 I was like, Ari Shafir?

00:56:39.480 And I was like, yeah. 1.00

00:56:40.360 He goes, what the fuck, man? 1.00

00:56:42.840 Fair question. 1.00

00:56:43.380 What are you doing here?

00:56:44.280 I'm like, you know, same as you.

00:56:45.320 Got it from Henry Rollins.

00:56:47.520 Later, when he, people like, what are you doing here?

00:56:50.080 And he goes, I'm here to meet you.

00:56:51.720 What's your story?

00:56:52.780 He would just switch it around.

00:56:55.280 But he, I was in Acadia.

00:56:56.400 People like, what are you doing here?

00:56:57.080 I was like, what do you mean?

00:56:57.960 International Park.

00:56:58.900 Here to hike.

00:56:59.520 I'm here for the exact same reason you're here.

00:57:05.700 Yeah.

00:57:06.180 Twice ever, which was also great.

00:57:08.180 So I could be, I mean, I've told a bunch of comics this.

00:57:11.320 I'm like, you are losing your sense of reality by being looked up to.

00:57:14.860 That's not the real, that's not the real world.

00:57:17.920 You don't understand.

00:57:18.920 And when Trump got elected, all these liberals that I was around, again, I'm not liberal or

00:57:22.760 conservative.

00:57:23.240 I'm, I'm this third thing, the majority of the country, I'm the majority.

00:57:27.860 I don't care.

00:57:30.500 We could hear them talking about, how could this, like, oh, you've never got under your

00:57:33.160 limo.

00:57:33.920 I know a really rich, like woman comic. 0.72

00:57:36.820 And I'm like, you've never been to Dayton, Ohio.

00:57:39.000 You wouldn't understand disillusionment.

00:57:42.220 There's the recession still going on in a lot of places.

00:57:45.180 You got to get out and talk to people.

00:57:46.640 So I remember talking in Indonesia on an Island.

00:57:51.820 It wasn't Flores.

00:57:53.240 I forget.

00:57:55.800 Um, but over breakfast, this German guy, and he was telling me about, um, German workers

00:58:02.700 rights and the five week standard vacation time they get.

00:58:06.100 And I was like, what do you mean?

00:58:07.540 Like first year out of college?

00:58:08.960 He goes, yeah, five weeks.

00:58:09.820 I don't know.

00:58:10.140 You do better after a while.

00:58:12.400 He's like, how much do you guys get?

00:58:13.780 I'm like two weeks and you're expected to not take it.

00:58:18.360 And he was like, oh, and I'm like, what the, so that kind of like talking to people makes 0.99

00:58:21.660 you like realize, oh, some shit that's wrong. 0.98

00:58:24.600 Well, you learn more about your own country. 1.00

00:58:26.220 Good and bad.

00:58:27.580 I mean, you're in some places and you're like, I wish they did it the American way. 0.80

00:58:31.120 Right.

00:58:31.540 Oh, a hundred percent.

00:58:32.260 And in other countries, you're like, I wish we did that.

00:58:34.180 Yeah.

00:58:34.720 Oh, I mean, when I got home, I noticed the first thing I noticed getting home was like 0.98

00:58:37.940 the toilet paper in my country is so fucking soft. 0.98

00:58:40.780 Oh, it's superior. 1.00

00:58:41.500 It's like, it's like God takes the cloud and just wipes your ass. 1.00

00:58:44.820 It's like Angora. 1.00

00:58:45.640 Yeah.

00:58:46.160 And I learned to appreciate that.

00:58:47.540 Yes.

00:58:48.000 Yeah.

00:58:48.320 Yeah.

00:58:48.680 It's like Angora.

00:58:49.540 Exactly right.

00:58:50.460 But it does feel to me, I mean, having had, you know, a pretty failed educational experience,

00:58:56.720 but that you learn way more from a month abroad than you would in say a year in college.

00:59:01.780 The gap year.

00:59:02.360 I met these, these four or five Canadian chicks, 18 in, in, um, in a city in, in, um, in Myanmar.

00:59:12.440 And we're all just talking.

00:59:13.640 Everyone's talking.

00:59:14.080 Everyone's so friendly and inviting and hostels.

00:59:16.240 Everyone's like, they'll see, uh, they don't, they're not ageist.

00:59:19.000 They're not sexist.

00:59:20.240 There's not even, nobody even pays for a woman's drinks. 0.89

00:59:22.440 They're like, no, no, my money is my time.

00:59:24.040 I have left out here.

00:59:24.980 I saved up 10 grand.

00:59:26.300 If I buy a drink for anybody and it's not expected.

00:59:28.500 It's so the quality level is crazy.

00:59:30.440 But they're like, you want to play card, you know, cards, we're playing a game.

00:59:34.160 You want to sit in with us?

00:59:35.100 There's not like, who are you?

00:59:36.320 It's, they just don't have it there at hostels.

00:59:37.940 And I was talking to these Canadian chicks and they were like, we're on gap year.

00:59:41.260 And I was like, oh, we don't get gap year in America.

00:59:43.440 No, but they're like, we don't get gap year.

00:59:46.820 We just took a year off.

00:59:48.740 It's not, it's not a thing.

00:59:50.640 It's not part of the curriculum.

00:59:52.020 I don't know why we don't do it more in between college and high school and college and grad school.

00:59:57.360 That's a year to yourself.

00:59:58.720 So, but weren't you worried about coming back to 70,000 text messages and emails?

01:00:05.360 Yeah, a little bit.

01:00:06.080 My manager at the time was like, what if something big comes up?

01:00:08.360 I'm like, I don't want it.

01:00:09.780 Tell them no for me.

01:00:11.160 It's like, what if it's something you want?

01:00:12.120 I'm like, I want to do this.

01:00:13.380 I want to disappear.

01:00:14.480 Tell them no.

01:00:15.580 I'll just have missed it.

01:00:16.940 What if there's an emergency?

01:00:18.220 What emergency?

01:00:18.960 What if your dad dies?

01:00:19.820 Then I'll mourn when I get home.

01:00:21.560 I don't need to mourn at the right time.

01:00:23.220 Why did you do this again?

01:00:24.600 What mental place was I in when I did it?

01:00:29.580 I just, I was kind of having a fight with Comedy Central.

01:00:33.200 They wanted me to work nonstop.

01:00:35.120 Oh, you understand this.

01:00:36.560 Yeah.

01:00:36.980 They wanted me to work nonstop.

01:00:38.380 I wanted some time off. 0.99

01:00:39.820 That friend Duncan who fucked me over with my name on the internet, with my number on the internet, didn't fuck me over. 0.99

01:00:45.560 It was a fun prank. 0.99

01:00:46.920 I mean, he used to leave also like glasses of piss in my fridge.

01:00:49.860 So like, so like, whatever. 0.99

01:00:52.420 When I say fuck me over it in the most respectful way. 1.00

01:00:55.940 But, um. 0.99

01:00:56.320 That's not a respectful way.

01:00:58.280 You're in the fridge.

01:00:59.340 No, that's not respectful.

01:01:02.140 I did it to my friend, Bobby Kelly.

01:01:03.660 He was the one who called.

01:01:04.520 I pissed in a bottle and put it in his fridge.

01:01:06.300 He's like, what if my wife found this?

01:01:07.280 I'm like, right?

01:01:08.100 He would have been in a lot of trouble.

01:01:10.380 Um, um, what were we saying?

01:01:13.480 So you're fighting with, I just wonder why.

01:01:15.240 He was like, you got to work.

01:01:16.280 And I'm like, it takes me eight months to edit this like storytelling TV show that I was doing with other comics.

01:01:20.800 And I'm like, I need some time off.

01:01:22.300 And they're like, no, we got to get back to another season.

01:01:24.180 So Duncan was like, well, you want to see the world.

01:01:27.480 And this company you work for does wants you to not see the world.

01:01:33.180 So I'm like, yeah, you're right.

01:01:35.580 I got to get out of here.

01:01:37.120 And I just like, Hey, you got, I'm trusting you to book the show the next year.

01:01:40.560 I'm trusting you to do this.

01:01:41.600 I'm out.

01:01:42.620 Handle it as best you can. 0.97

01:01:43.640 But it might get fucked up every the fountainhead. 0.98

01:01:47.340 Yeah. 0.99

01:01:48.000 So when he leaves for vacation, things get fucked up. 0.98

01:01:51.540 Oh yeah. 0.97

01:01:52.280 And he has to go correct it. 0.99

01:01:53.620 He's got to blow some shit up. 0.99

01:01:55.900 Um, but at some point you got to trust some people to like, you'll handle this. 0.99

01:02:00.260 I mean, they're going to upload this video.

01:02:01.860 Right.

01:02:02.100 You could stand over their shoulder.

01:02:04.120 No, but you're like, and you, they might mess it up.

01:02:06.920 They might not quite do it the way you want.

01:02:08.740 I mean, interrupting where you're like, I could tell you're like, I shouldn't interrupt.

01:02:12.140 You just get it right.

01:02:12.960 But then they have to make it as you're trusting them to do it.

01:02:15.020 So you can free yourself up to do other stuff.

01:02:17.040 Anyway, trusted the people I had to trust.

01:02:18.660 And just got lost.

01:02:20.860 What happened to your brain not being on text all day long? 1.00

01:02:23.460 God damn, it was great. 0.99

01:02:24.400 So when I first got a, when I first got a flip phone, which was a halfway to that, I was talking at the Stan Comedy Club. 0.99

01:02:30.060 I was talking to Nikki Glaser before she blew up.

01:02:32.460 Yeah.

01:02:32.780 Um, but she was still whatever, funny comic. 1.00

01:02:35.220 And we're talking.

01:02:36.460 Before the Tom Brady roast.

01:02:37.680 Before the Tom, way before the Tom Brady roast.

01:02:39.380 And, um, and I'm friends with her, but not like good friends with her.

01:02:44.020 And I'm sitting at the back table and we're talking.

01:02:45.620 And she's like, has, and this is day one of the flip phone.

01:02:48.780 Like I think day one or week one anyway.

01:02:51.240 And she goes, has it changed at all?

01:02:52.800 What does it change?

01:02:53.280 I'm like, I wouldn't be talking to you, Nikki.

01:02:54.840 I'd be on my phone looking for someone else. 1.00

01:02:57.460 This FOMO shit. 0.99

01:02:59.560 And, and man, I, I, I loved it being out there in Asia with no connection. 1.00

01:03:05.400 You're just, there was one time in this like Northern city in Thailand.

01:03:09.000 I met an American girl, started talking about Trump a little bit.

01:03:13.180 And, and then it's like, it's the same patterns of discussion.

01:03:17.220 And we both looked at each other like, we shouldn't do this.

01:03:19.020 And we're like, yeah, let's not.

01:03:20.360 Where else have you been in Asia?

01:03:21.340 Like, let's absolutely smart move.

01:03:23.100 Let's switch a subject.

01:03:25.340 Like what?

01:03:26.300 Yeah.

01:03:26.780 It's just like,

01:03:27.520 You may have come to the obvious conclusion that the real debate is not between Republican

01:03:31.540 and Democrat or socialist and capitalists, right, left.

01:03:36.940 The real battle is between people who are lying on purpose and people who are trying to tell

01:03:42.100 you the truth.

01:03:43.260 It's between good and evil.

01:03:44.920 It's between honesty and falsehood.

01:03:47.580 And we hope we are on the former side.

01:03:50.340 That's why we created this network, the Tucker Carlson network.

01:03:52.660 And we invite you to subscribe to it.

01:03:54.700 Go to tuckercarlson.com slash podcast.

01:03:57.580 Our entire archive is there.

01:03:59.100 A lot of behind the scenes footage of what actually happens in this barn when only an iPhone

01:04:03.740 is running.

01:04:05.160 Tuckercarlson.com slash podcast.

01:04:08.820 You will not regret it.

01:04:17.580 Did you find a distance between what you were expecting and what you found?

01:04:32.200 I wasn't expecting anything.

01:04:33.820 Like China, for example.

01:04:34.920 You said.

01:04:35.940 Yeah.

01:04:36.280 So like China, it was like, it was so, it was so foreign. 1.00

01:04:40.140 What did you expect out of China?

01:04:42.800 And versus what?

01:04:43.840 No, no.

01:04:44.120 I told my agent, I was like, I'm getting this itch.

01:04:47.580 To travel.

01:04:49.480 If you find any foreign gigs, let me know.

01:04:53.260 I still wasn't making enough money to really, but I was making some.

01:04:56.680 And he goes, well, I got you a 17 day tour of China, Beijing, Shanghai, cities outside

01:05:01.360 Shanghai, ending in Hong Kong, cities outside Hong Kong.

01:05:04.760 And he goes, it doesn't pay very well, but you know, they'll fly you out there, hotels

01:05:08.400 every night, and it pays you, I think like, I think it was like, I don't know, it was

01:05:12.740 like three grand, four grand.

01:05:14.480 And I was like, buddy, that's more than I was making two years ago.

01:05:17.460 That's great.

01:05:18.620 And to go see, and it's just like tasting food. 0.99

01:05:20.960 Like, what the fuck is this? 0.99

01:05:21.980 Seeing that they don't take the bones out of their meat. 1.00

01:05:24.380 They just cleaver it all.

01:05:25.800 I was picking up some of my chops. 1.00

01:05:27.220 I'm like, what the fuck? 0.99

01:05:27.940 There's bones in these pieces of meat. 1.00

01:05:29.300 And they're like, you need a fork?

01:05:30.400 I'm like, that's not the issue.

01:05:32.300 Get the eyeball out of my soup.

01:05:33.760 Yeah.

01:05:36.980 And it was just like, I don't know what I was expecting, but I told you, like, I was at

01:05:40.880 the Beijing comedy scene.

01:05:42.480 They were in the Hutongs of Beijing doing blow. 1.00

01:05:45.800 And I was like, isn't it punishable by death here? 0.97

01:05:48.700 And they go, they don't care about white drugs. 0.96

01:05:50.020 They only care about yellow drugs.

01:05:51.460 What are yellow drugs?

01:05:52.900 The opium.

01:05:54.180 Oh.

01:05:54.900 Stuff that the Chinese would lose their lives to. 1.00

01:05:58.540 They're like, you guys kill yourselves with Coke. 1.00

01:06:00.980 We don't care. 0.68

01:06:01.600 We don't do that.

01:06:02.320 So it doesn't matter.

01:06:02.820 You can't import it.

01:06:03.940 But if you do it, they'll just get somebody actually in the Beijing scene got caught with

01:06:07.080 Coke.

01:06:07.540 They stamped a passport, never allowed to return and sent them home.

01:06:11.020 She went home, steamed out that part of her passport, went right back.

01:06:15.480 And they don't have computer systems there.

01:06:17.320 So it's like, welcome to China. 0.95

01:06:21.140 But anyway, we're doing Coke in the Hutongs, having a good time. 0.95

01:06:24.440 And then we're walking around and it was like 3, 3.30 a.m.

01:06:28.540 It was hot.

01:06:29.940 This was like a June, I think.

01:06:31.280 And went to a bodega and bought like a 20 ounce Heineken.

01:06:36.280 And I'm like, you can't do that where I'm from.

01:06:38.900 You can't buy a beer at night and walk around with it.

01:06:42.460 But there, they're like, as long as you don't skull anybody with it, what's the issue?

01:06:48.520 It's like having a knife.

01:06:50.460 If you stab someone, that's now a weapon.

01:06:52.400 If you just have it to like whittle, it's not a weapon.

01:06:55.680 And then there's like, so it's like, oh wow, you can do these fun.

01:06:58.480 And then my friends were like, can you get on Google?

01:07:00.080 And it's like, no, you cannot.

01:07:01.440 You cannot search anything.

01:07:02.260 But that's not a problem for you.

01:07:04.060 Yeah.

01:07:04.360 I mean, I still want to find out like, where's a good restaurant in town.

01:07:07.560 But I have more fun just walking and finding a good restaurant.

01:07:11.200 You know, it's like discovery is.

01:07:13.480 So in other words, sounds like it was freer than you thought it was.

01:07:15.960 So free.

01:07:17.380 And then you learn how to like adapt and overcome.

01:07:19.980 I was, they tell you to take a, if you're in a hotel, this is early.

01:07:23.840 I'm better at it now.

01:07:24.640 They tell you to take a business card from the hotel.

01:07:27.040 So you can show it to someone who does not speak English.

01:07:29.200 Get me home to a cab driver. 0.99

01:07:30.800 Did not.

01:07:32.100 It was World Cup.

01:07:35.100 We're all at a bar watching at like 2 a.m.

01:07:37.700 I was hooked up with this chick who was there. 0.99

01:07:40.320 Chinese?

01:07:41.260 No.

01:07:41.700 Although I did hook up with a Chinese chick. 1.00

01:07:43.120 She took me home and their dad came with a fucking bat and chased me out. 1.00

01:07:46.120 No way, actually. 0.99

01:07:47.360 Yeah.

01:07:48.300 Yeah. 0.99

01:07:48.960 It was pretty fucking nutty. 0.99

01:07:50.980 Yeah. 0.99

01:07:51.700 But, you know, no harm, no foul.

01:07:53.240 Nothing, nothing.

01:07:54.580 So you scampered out.

01:07:55.980 Oh, yeah.

01:07:56.560 Yeah.

01:07:56.820 I was like putting on your pants, running. 0.99

01:07:58.500 You know, it was so fucking fun. 0.98

01:08:01.660 But then I had to like get this cab home after a World Cup. 0.99

01:08:04.400 I'm making out with this chick. 1.00

01:08:05.280 And then I was like the Sheraton.

01:08:06.700 And he's like, well, I mean, I may as well, but just be, you know, and I'm like the Sheraton.

01:08:11.800 That's Chinese, by the way.

01:08:12.660 Yeah.

01:08:13.340 That's pretty close.

01:08:14.980 And then I remembered like, if I got it, he's like, no, I got to get out of the car.

01:08:18.180 Torrential rain. 1.00

01:08:18.840 And I'm like, fuck. 0.99

01:08:19.500 I'm like soaked to the bone. 1.00

01:08:20.380 Another cab.

01:08:21.300 The Sheraton Hotel.

01:08:22.740 No understanding at all. 1.00

01:08:23.880 I'm like, fuck. 0.99

01:08:24.820 And then I'm like, it's near the train station. 1.00

01:08:27.300 So another cab.

01:08:28.440 And I'm like, choo, choo, choo, choo, choo, choo, choo.

01:08:31.280 Woo.

01:08:31.720 Woo.

01:08:32.420 He's like, he said something.

01:08:34.420 And I'm like, sure.

01:08:35.700 And then until we got close enough to the train station, I'm like, forget that.

01:08:38.440 Share.

01:08:38.620 I see it.

01:08:39.100 Share it to that.

01:08:40.740 But you just figure it out.

01:08:41.600 I flip flop started breaking in, um, in, uh, that was that first trip, but in Indonesia,

01:08:48.600 they started breaking and I couldn't find 11 and a half size shoes.

01:08:51.560 They just, people don't come that big in that part of the world.

01:08:55.100 They don't have GMOs.

01:08:57.780 Looked and looked and looked in Cambodia, found like a bunch of 10 size, you know, flip. 0.99

01:09:03.880 And they're like, they'll stretch.

01:09:04.780 I'm like, the bottom doesn't stretch.

01:09:05.980 It's the top that stretches.

01:09:07.000 They're not a size and a half.

01:09:08.680 Finally found some, uh, some quick silver one in like a real store and they broke.

01:09:13.720 They were fake.

01:09:14.400 They broke pretty fast.

01:09:15.360 It kind of flopped, whatever.

01:09:16.440 And I was like, I was going to throw them away, but I'm like, oh, I can't, I won't find

01:09:19.660 more shoes.

01:09:20.240 So you're like, I have to fix these shoes.

01:09:23.360 So you just go look for super glue.

01:09:25.780 You just learn to overcome situations.

01:09:28.160 The bus is gone.

01:09:29.620 What do I do?

01:09:30.680 How do I talk to people in another language?

01:09:32.880 So fun.

01:09:34.980 It's getting places by the end.

01:09:37.960 I ended in East Timor and I was like, I should learn some of the language, some tetum.

01:09:43.300 Um, I, I talked to, uh, uh, uh, uh, Italian lady in, um, Indonesia and she was really learning

01:09:51.680 Bahasa, uh, Indonesia.

01:09:54.180 She was like really good at it.

01:09:55.560 Like actually learning.

01:09:56.540 She hear a word.

01:09:57.140 She's like, what's that word?

01:09:57.800 And you write it down.

01:09:58.360 It was kind of inspirational.

01:09:59.180 So I was like, I got to do that for, for East Timor.

01:10:03.080 So I could get by and like place to sleep.

01:10:05.000 I know how to say that.

01:10:05.740 Uh, I don't remember anything.

01:10:09.280 Fatem Descanse.

01:10:10.840 It was like a hybrid of like Portuguese.

01:10:13.200 I can't fact check that for you.

01:10:14.460 Yeah.

01:10:14.640 Thank you.

01:10:15.440 Yeah.

01:10:15.860 So you'd go to a small town.

01:10:17.260 I'm like, Fatem Descanse.

01:10:18.260 Fatem Descanse.

01:10:18.960 And they'd point you to someplace and you'd get closer.

01:10:20.900 Like Fatem Descanse.

01:10:22.280 They're there.

01:10:22.820 And they're like, Fatem Descanse.

01:10:23.600 Like, yeah, come this way.

01:10:24.440 And they'd feed you and give you a place for, for five bucks.

01:10:28.040 You know?

01:10:28.640 What's, what's Myanmar like?

01:10:30.360 And why is it no longer called Burma?

01:10:32.980 Do you know?

01:10:33.820 I don't.

01:10:34.600 Oh.

01:10:35.740 So they got a bunch of bad press from human rights violations.

01:10:38.540 Yeah.

01:10:39.060 Like change the name.

01:10:40.260 Is that really why they rebranded the whole country?

01:10:41.880 Yeah.

01:10:42.020 They moved the Capitol to the middle of nowhere.

01:10:43.600 So no one can protest.

01:10:45.480 It's like moving DC to two hours outside Wichita.

01:10:50.600 Really?

01:10:51.200 Who's going to go there to protest?

01:10:52.600 Only the hardcore people.

01:10:55.140 You know?

01:10:55.980 Did it feel repressive?

01:10:57.800 No.

01:10:59.120 No.

01:10:59.340 Because it was only certain regions.

01:11:01.780 And foreigners are not allowed to stay in those regions. 0.84

01:11:05.000 So it didn't really come up.

01:11:06.580 They're also not allowed to rent motorized vehicles.

01:11:09.800 Foreigners aren't. 1.00

01:11:10.480 Yeah.

01:11:10.900 So they had e-bikes.

01:11:12.460 They just worked their way around.

01:11:13.600 So they had e-bikes and like Bagan and places like that.

01:11:15.480 You can rent an e-bike.

01:11:16.880 Just an electronic bike.

01:11:17.820 They had to like.

01:11:18.740 It's like a, you know, motorized golf cart versus a electric.

01:11:21.480 But there was one time we saw there was a bus.

01:11:26.760 It took you like this way from Inlay Lake to maybe Mandalay.

01:11:33.680 I forget.

01:11:34.140 And it took you way over here then all the way back.

01:11:36.540 You know, like this route.

01:11:37.700 And me and a couple friends like, it's like three hours this way or six hours, but it's

01:11:43.000 like 17 hours this way.

01:11:44.500 It's like, nah, let's just get our own way.

01:11:46.900 Let's not take like a bus.

01:11:48.340 Let's just take like little shuttles and stuff.

01:11:50.180 So we did.

01:11:50.840 We stopped halfway in.

01:11:51.820 Like, let's get out of here. 1.00

01:11:52.840 Some fucking tiny town. 1.00

01:11:54.160 It was cool. 1.00

01:11:55.640 Went to a hotel.

01:11:56.480 It was like, can we, can we stay here?

01:11:57.740 And they're just like, like looking at us and we're like, like do the bell.

01:12:02.820 Somebody comes up and it was like, hi, two rooms.

01:12:05.660 And they're just like, and they're just like kind of talking to each other, staring at us.

01:12:10.340 And we're like, is this a hotel?

01:12:13.060 And they're just like looking at us.

01:12:14.200 And eventually somebody like calls somebody on the phone.

01:12:16.400 They like, give me the phone.

01:12:17.920 Someone spoke English in the capital, Yangon.

01:12:20.260 Like, you can't stay there.

01:12:22.080 Foreigners can't stay there. 1.00

01:12:23.300 How'd they know you're a foreigner?

01:12:27.300 Long nose.

01:12:28.060 One of the buddies I was with there was like, I don't want to take my, he's a photographer.

01:12:31.220 He goes, I don't want to take my camera because they'll know I'm like tourists.

01:12:33.320 He goes, you're a six foot one white guy in Myanmar.

01:12:36.700 They're going to know.

01:12:38.960 She goes, you can't stay there.

01:12:40.320 I just got to turn around.

01:12:41.040 I'm like, no, no, we just came.

01:12:41.840 She goes, you got to go south.

01:12:42.760 I'm like, we just came from south.

01:12:43.640 We're going north.

01:12:45.160 She goes, no, you can't.

01:12:46.080 I'm like, the bus, we're off the bus.

01:12:47.880 It's gone. 0.99

01:12:49.100 And I was like, well, can we stay at a fucking monastery? 0.99

01:12:55.100 Because like, they sort of have to take you in. 0.99

01:12:57.080 And she just started laughing. 0.97

01:12:57.980 She goes, you can't stay in the region.

01:13:00.520 And I started like, I'm pretty good at playing pretend.

01:13:03.180 So I like, I was pretend poor while I was there.

01:13:06.500 I was just like, whatever you guys' level is, that's me.

01:13:09.320 Like, so when they're bitching about a $2 more expensive hostel, I'm like, I know, right?

01:13:13.660 I can like sell it to myself.

01:13:15.520 You know, I know it's the common people.

01:13:17.500 You could call your father and he'd like end it all.

01:13:20.560 But I just ignored that.

01:13:22.600 So I'm like crying.

01:13:24.640 I'm like, but I can't, we can't, we don't have, we can't go south.

01:13:26.900 We're going north.

01:13:27.500 I don't know what to do.

01:13:28.100 And she's like, all right.

01:13:29.180 So she goes, we'll call a local minister to come and talk to you.

01:13:31.760 He came in.

01:13:32.520 He's like, all right, we found another hotel that you can stay in. 0.99

01:13:34.860 But he's doing you a fucking favor. 0.97

01:13:37.220 This isn't allowed. 0.99

01:13:38.700 He's helping you.

01:13:39.940 I'm like, okay.

01:13:41.360 And then we're there.

01:13:42.480 We're walking around.

01:13:43.340 My buddy shut down the market by just being white and walking through. 0.83

01:13:46.460 It was like the parting of the sea.

01:13:47.660 They're all doing their work. 0.99

01:13:48.480 And they're like, like, what the fuck is this guy doing? 0.99

01:13:52.780 With love and admiration or fear and loathing? 0.99

01:13:57.340 It's like if you see somebody seven foot eight.

01:13:59.360 Yeah.

01:13:59.820 It's just weird.

01:14:00.580 Yeah.

01:14:00.820 It's just like, what?

01:14:02.500 And you've never seen a white.

01:14:04.520 It's crazy.

01:14:06.260 They're like, can you take a picture?

01:14:07.360 All through Asia. 0.52

01:14:08.320 Can you take a picture?

01:14:09.000 I'm like, yeah, sure.

01:14:09.900 Do you have fun?

01:14:10.220 I'm like, no, no.

01:14:10.740 I want to be on your camera.

01:14:12.640 I want my image to go back to America.

01:14:15.300 I think it'd be so cool.

01:14:17.080 You know, hold my baby.

01:14:18.360 Let me take a picture of you holding my baby. 1.00

01:14:19.980 It's crazy. 0.56

01:14:21.060 Every black guy I know, they're like, can we touch your hair? 1.00

01:14:22.920 No, they wouldn't ask.

01:14:23.560 They would just touch their hair.

01:14:24.920 And he goes, excuse me.

01:14:25.820 They're like, right.

01:14:26.560 And it was nuts.

01:14:28.320 But so we stayed at a place.

01:14:29.700 Then we started walking.

01:14:30.640 We're just touring around.

01:14:31.520 We saw a statue on maps.me, like a maps app was like statue.

01:14:35.840 So we're like, all right, let's go to the statue.

01:14:37.220 It was near an army base, like a junta base, which is like, they have rebels there in these

01:14:42.160 regions.

01:14:42.560 And some of them work with the government.

01:14:43.880 Some of them are against the government.

01:14:45.120 Some of them have deals with each other.

01:14:47.440 I don't fully know.

01:14:48.380 I wasn't there for the government.

01:14:50.420 Anyway, we're there taking a picture, hanging out.

01:14:53.360 Six or seven army people with machine guns come out, went right at us.

01:14:56.720 What are you doing here?

01:14:58.140 Nothing.

01:14:58.620 What are you doing?

01:14:59.080 You taking pictures of that?

01:14:59.860 Like, yeah, it's just a statue.

01:15:01.380 Give me the pictures.

01:15:01.980 Let me see.

01:15:03.100 Delete them.

01:15:04.180 Where's your passports?

01:15:05.800 Like, I don't know.

01:15:06.520 They're back in our hotels.

01:15:07.200 Let's go.

01:15:07.720 Let's go see them.

01:15:08.560 And they just let us machine gun style back to our hotel to get our passports.

01:15:12.960 It's just, this is a no foreigners region.

01:15:16.620 And was there, I mean, anything worth hiding there that you saw?

01:15:19.360 No, no.

01:15:20.860 There's not like a secret nuclear program or anything.

01:15:23.120 No.

01:15:24.600 It was just some poor people with like makeshift guns and like, yeah.

01:15:28.500 And then, and then we got back and the people there were like, what, why?

01:15:31.500 Let's play soccer.

01:15:32.360 We all tried to do the hacky sack soccer thing.

01:15:34.160 They loved it.

01:15:35.520 I got violent diarrhea and food poisoning there.

01:15:38.560 That was more notable than the machine gun stuff.

01:15:41.160 That's required.

01:15:41.800 So four and a half months on the road, you come back to your country and what do you notice?

01:15:47.360 Okay.

01:15:47.880 That's a good question.

01:15:49.000 And actually I can tie that into this, this juice special also.

01:15:53.940 So you see everything fresh when you get back.

01:15:56.040 Yeah.

01:15:56.500 Clean, clear eyes.

01:15:57.660 Yes, you do.

01:15:58.980 Yeah.

01:15:59.520 Even probably, what'd you do a month in Australia, two weeks?

01:16:02.240 Yeah.

01:16:02.600 Two and a half weeks.

01:16:03.020 Even that amount of time.

01:16:04.180 For sure.

01:16:04.480 If you're off, it's enough time to be like, oh, it's just a horse for the trees for a moment.

01:16:07.540 And it was a little overcrowded.

01:16:13.500 Yeah.

01:16:13.920 The cities, even DC and the metro.

01:16:15.680 I'm like, this is too industrial.

01:16:17.300 Yes.

01:16:17.700 I went to visit my parents first, surprised them.

01:16:20.020 They were like so stoked.

01:16:20.940 They haven't talked to me.

01:16:21.600 And I went right to them.

01:16:22.420 I just walked through the door. 1.00

01:16:23.100 And I was like, what the fuck? 0.99

01:16:24.540 Yeah, it was really nice. 0.99

01:16:28.760 Yeah, it's overbuilt, but also very clean.

01:16:33.120 But then also I was in France.

01:16:35.200 I took a writing class in France.

01:16:36.180 And I got back, beautiful city, Paris.

01:16:39.180 Got back to New York.

01:16:40.120 I'm like, there's writing on every surface here.

01:16:42.520 Someone has graffitied every, this city is disgusting compared to Paris.

01:16:46.500 Like the, whatever. 0.97

01:16:47.720 And Paris is pretty disgusting. 0.88

01:16:49.380 Yeah.

01:16:49.500 But that old town, you know.

01:16:50.940 Yeah, no, it's great.

01:16:51.620 I mean, parts are great.

01:16:53.060 And then it's like, why is everything written on? 0.99

01:16:55.580 Why is everyone signed their fucking name on every fucking surface? 0.99

01:16:58.980 But, so you notice those things like that, you don't notice. 0.99

01:17:01.020 So I'm trying to remember what I noticed there.

01:17:02.600 It was just a lot of anger, a lot of hustle and bustle.

01:17:07.680 Toilet paper was soft.

01:17:09.800 Did it seem angrier than when you left?

01:17:12.420 Well, I didn't check my email right away.

01:17:20.100 The lady I sent it to was an employee back then.

01:17:22.760 I was like, don't give it to me yet.

01:17:25.440 I'm not ready for it yet.

01:17:30.460 And then I did. 0.98

01:17:31.400 And it was like, fuck, it was overwhelming amount of requests I would need. 0.99

01:17:36.540 And people asking for things. 0.99

01:17:39.160 But even to weigh in on this or that, I'm like, a lot of fucking tasks I didn't realize. 0.98

01:17:43.360 Yeah. 0.94

01:17:43.560 I didn't realize how much response.

01:17:46.920 That's what it was.

01:17:47.760 The overwhelming amount of responsibility.

01:17:51.660 And I'm not in a high responsibility field.

01:17:56.040 That's true.

01:17:58.000 And it was just like needing to return texts and emails and weigh in on this and pay your bill and do that.

01:18:05.240 It's just like, oh, it was so freeing before.

01:18:09.120 So here's what I noticed when I did the Jew special.

01:18:11.700 So it was weird because I've never done this before, but I was living with a ghost for about five years.

01:18:16.820 I was living with a guy who was dead.

01:18:18.560 That version of me isn't here anymore.

01:18:21.540 Right?

01:18:22.440 The yeshiva student.

01:18:23.500 The yeshiva kid.

01:18:24.340 Yeah.

01:18:25.000 He's gone.

01:18:25.800 He's been long gone.

01:18:26.820 And I was living there and trying to remember this ancient religion and ancient time in my life.

01:18:31.180 And I was lost.

01:18:32.220 And it was a very lonely hour.

01:18:34.180 Usually it's like in relation to other things.

01:18:37.680 And I finished it.

01:18:38.780 And I kind of came for air.

01:18:39.960 And I looked around and everybody was very angry.

01:18:44.340 I came back into the world.

01:18:47.500 And it was like, everyone's mad about everything.

01:18:51.360 Yeah.

01:18:52.220 My friends were obsessed with stories that I didn't even know were happening.

01:18:59.620 Like what? 1.00

01:19:00.100 There's some chick with no dicks swimming against other chicks with dicks. 1.00

01:19:07.640 Like their whole life is fucking worried about it. 1.00

01:19:11.300 And it's like, none of this concerns you. 0.99

01:19:14.580 None of this concerns you.

01:19:16.720 That there's a trans swimmer or that there's COVID vaccine or that there's like, dude, chill out. 0.98

01:19:22.580 All of you are mad about every little thing.

01:19:25.440 And it was, it's like, I don't know what happened in those five years. 0.99

01:19:28.600 People got fucking mad. 0.70

01:19:30.260 And I just came up and I was like seeing it. 0.99

01:19:33.440 It wasn't like, you know, when a kid, you see a 10-year-old, you see him five years later. 0.99

01:19:36.620 Like, well, you got so fucking big. 0.97

01:19:37.940 Or five to 10. 0.99

01:19:38.900 Yeah, other people's kids.

01:19:39.840 Yeah.

01:19:39.980 But if you see him every month, you don't notice it.

01:19:42.540 So I was like dropped out, popped back in.

01:19:44.520 And everybody was at each other's throats.

01:19:46.140 Everybody's so actively political.

01:19:50.480 How do you avoid that?

01:19:52.200 I don't read the news.

01:19:53.080 I try to change the subject.

01:19:54.180 I try to have, I try to have tools.

01:19:57.400 Change the subject.

01:19:58.500 How do you change the subject?

01:20:00.040 How do you focus on positivity?

01:20:00.480 You must be the only resolutely non-political person with a public voice left.

01:20:06.060 There's a few of us.

01:20:07.140 My friend, Big Jay, we were talking once.

01:20:08.760 We got a, we did a week together in Miami.

01:20:10.780 Probably the worst city in America.

01:20:13.340 I thought, I heard it was the best.

01:20:15.640 Who told you that? 1.00

01:20:16.480 A fucking, I don't know. 1.00

01:20:17.340 Real estate agent? 1.00

01:20:18.420 Yeah, exactly. 0.95

01:20:20.060 It's so disgusting. 0.97

01:20:21.380 They value only beauty, no intelligence.

01:20:23.680 If you're a girl growing up in Florida, they will not reward your A plus in high school.

01:20:30.320 They will reward your new hairstyle.

01:20:32.960 Anyway, we got a beach house.

01:20:34.640 We're talking.

01:20:35.100 He goes, I like Biden.

01:20:36.220 This was three years ago.

01:20:38.700 I was like, why do you like Biden?

01:20:39.860 You don't vote.

01:20:40.520 He goes, I hear about him less than the other guy.

01:20:42.500 And I'm like, what a great reason to like one over the other.

01:20:45.500 Yeah, we do hear way more about this guy than that guy.

01:20:48.720 If you're a non-political, I just want you to be away from me.

01:20:52.160 You deal with it.

01:20:54.460 Yeah, you avoid it.

01:20:55.460 You learn how to change a subject.

01:20:57.080 But aren't a lot of comedians pretty absorbed with it?

01:21:00.660 Yeah, but we don't even know anything.

01:21:02.160 Yeah, I've noticed.

01:21:03.040 It's like, we don't know anything we're weighing in.

01:21:05.600 So here's what I do.

01:21:06.680 It's like, you start to get an argument and we're like, well, mainly my stance is, I don't care.

01:21:12.220 But if you're asking me to take a stance on Ford versus Chevy, you know, something that doesn't matter, what do you think is better?

01:21:18.940 It's like, well, 95% of my reaction is, I don't know or care.

01:21:23.460 Whatever I can get a better deal on is good.

01:21:25.800 But with that other 5%, I'm going to say, I think Chevy's better.

01:21:29.760 Why?

01:21:30.240 I just kind of feel that way. 0.99

01:21:32.080 Okay, so everybody's only publicly weighing in on their 5% and not their 95%, which is, I don't give a fuck. 0.98

01:21:38.940 No one cares about women's college swimming. 1.00

01:21:40.360 No one's ever cared about women's college swimming. 0.98

01:21:43.420 You don't think so?

01:21:44.120 No.

01:21:44.980 I didn't even know it existed. 1.00

01:21:46.700 Shut the fuck up. 1.00

01:21:48.540 And they're obsessed with it. 1.00

01:21:50.580 They're fucking obsessed with women's amateur aquatics. 1.00

01:21:55.280 Fuck off. 1.00

01:21:56.240 Eat a dick. 1.00

01:21:57.420 Shut up, dude. 1.00

01:21:58.960 What are we talking about? 1.00

01:22:00.360 What are the issues that get you spun up? 0.99

01:22:02.800 The Yankees, mid-season collapse, that's every fucking year. 0.99

01:22:06.740 But I know it doesn't matter. 0.99

01:22:08.500 I know this is fake.

01:22:09.940 I'm not pretending it's an actual real thing.

01:22:12.860 You know?

01:22:13.480 I'll bitch about somebody going to a slump, but I know at the end, they're like, oh, I'm just playing pretend angry.

01:22:18.520 It doesn't really matter.

01:22:20.100 So there are no issues that get you mad?

01:22:22.400 Stand-up.

01:22:23.140 People coming after stand-ups.

01:22:25.700 Who's coming after stand-ups?

01:22:27.120 It's a lot of people.

01:22:28.720 It's an interesting time for my industry.

01:22:31.180 Tell me how. 0.96

01:22:31.760 I love this thing you used to do on your TV show where you're like, play dumb to get an answer. 0.93

01:22:38.800 It's really fun. 0.54

01:22:39.840 It's actually really fun. 0.99

01:22:40.860 I am dumb. 0.97

01:22:41.220 But that doesn't. 0.99

01:22:42.060 Interesting.

01:22:42.640 You think you would be rewarded for helping a woman cross a stranger? 0.93

01:22:45.900 And you're saying you were not rewarded?

01:22:47.580 It's called evoking an answer.

01:22:52.500 So I'm trying to pull back and keep my many opinions out of it.

01:22:56.660 Yeah, it's smart.

01:22:57.420 It's a good way to do it.

01:22:58.860 Instead of weighing in and go, I know, you're right, and weighing in.

01:23:01.580 It's like, keep talking.

01:23:02.540 Well, you know more about the top.

01:23:03.520 No, sincerely, I don't know that much.

01:23:06.140 I know a million stand-ups, and I like a lot of them, but I don't know that much about your business.

01:23:11.880 Yeah, so you get a lot of people.

01:23:13.460 It's worse when it's from the inside.

01:23:14.980 It's other comedians weighing in and saying that crossed the line publicly.

01:23:18.900 Oh, do you get that?

01:23:20.180 Yeah, it's disappointing.

01:23:21.980 It's really disappointing.

01:23:23.160 Because it is already a battle.

01:23:26.340 You're trying to get people to laugh at dark stuff, really dark stuff, school shootings.

01:23:30.800 You're trying to get them to laugh at it.

01:23:31.880 You're trying to find joy in a terrible thing.

01:23:33.480 9-11 jokes, Holocaust jokes, AIDS jokes, rape jokes.

01:23:36.680 You're trying to get them to find making fun.

01:23:40.220 Break that down.

01:23:41.440 We're creating fun.

01:23:44.520 You know?

01:23:44.980 People are like, you're making fun of this.

01:23:45.900 It's like, right, I'm creating fun out of a terrible situation.

01:23:51.300 That guy, Don Barris, who used to run the June A.

01:23:53.300 Yeah.

01:23:53.800 There was a time we had a friend die.

01:23:55.620 Freddie Soto died.

01:23:57.480 I don't know what.

01:23:58.240 Just in his sleep one day.

01:23:59.440 Really helpful.

01:24:00.940 Looked out for everybody.

01:24:02.100 Really just supportive guy when we all started.

01:24:05.340 And nobody could believe it. 1.00

01:24:06.620 I was like, what the fuck? 0.99

01:24:07.120 At the time, I was banned from the Comedy Store for beating up Bobby Lee too much. 1.00

01:24:10.940 I was angry about a chick.

01:24:13.000 And I was taking it on him. 0.96

01:24:14.240 And I was just, every chance I get, I was punching him.

01:24:15.920 And they were like, all right, you're out.

01:24:17.240 You can't be here.

01:24:18.500 And I lived two blocks away.

01:24:20.940 And I got the call.

01:24:22.080 Freddie Soto died. 1.00

01:24:22.760 And I was like, what the fuck? 0.99

01:24:24.720 And these bans always lasted between a month and six months and then would end. 0.99

01:24:28.000 You were always welcome back.

01:24:28.940 Like, by the time I was banned, I was, we couldn't understand Freddie Soto dying.

01:24:33.760 It's like, it was the first one that died that I knew of.

01:24:37.540 And it was like, I remember walking down the steps of my apartment, then just collapsing

01:24:41.520 on the steps.

01:24:43.100 And then like, keep walking.

01:24:44.320 And then I met someone in front of the conference or another comic.

01:24:46.240 We just hugged.

01:24:46.720 And we sat on the sidewalk, like with our feet on the street.

01:24:51.500 And just like sitting there.

01:24:52.560 And Don Beres comes up and he goes, I'm glad you're letting the band be enforced.

01:24:56.260 You shouldn't be in here.

01:24:57.380 It's good you're on the street.

01:24:58.940 It was just a cathartic laugh.

01:25:01.480 He made fun out of a terrible situation.

01:25:05.340 And that's what some of us are trying to do.

01:25:06.820 Others are trying to do like funny, like lollipop jokes.

01:25:09.240 And that's also cool.

01:25:09.860 It is true that funerals and wakes, memorial services, you know, this kind of the saddest,

01:25:13.400 you know, get togethers that we have, they always wind up in hilarity.

01:25:19.340 Yeah.

01:25:19.980 Have you experienced that?

01:25:21.260 Yeah.

01:25:21.580 This guy, Bob Oshack, who ran the memorial for Freddie Soto.

01:25:24.400 It was in the main room of the comedy store.

01:25:25.920 And he starts off.

01:25:26.740 He was like really good friends and best friends.

01:25:28.240 They started together.

01:25:29.440 And he goes, you know, this is a weird time.

01:25:30.820 And he set the tone right away.

01:25:32.520 He goes, you know, I'm here.

01:25:35.380 It's just weird that it took Freddie dying for me to finally get a main room spot.

01:25:39.760 And just Mitzi starts laughing.

01:25:41.360 And it's just like, it's just like, hey, we're going to enjoy this.

01:25:44.220 We're not going to cry.

01:25:45.680 We're going to, but we're going to try not to.

01:25:48.440 So that's what we do.

01:25:49.420 And then some people are just not understanding it.

01:25:51.780 It's almost, it's almost.

01:25:52.920 But other standups are policing their colleagues.

01:25:56.400 They fall.

01:25:58.220 It used to do. 1.00

01:25:58.840 We just talk shit about them. 0.99

01:26:00.440 I was doing a blow job joke a long time ago. 1.00

01:26:02.560 And Mark Maron was just like looking at me like, whatever. 0.94

01:26:05.500 And he goes, you're smarter than that, man. 1.00

01:26:06.620 That sucks. 0.98

01:26:07.400 But he, like I said, wasn't, he didn't put me in a moral low ground. 0.98

01:26:10.300 Him in a moral high ground.

01:26:11.500 He was just like, you're smarter than that.

01:26:13.460 But I'm like, yeah. 1.00

01:26:14.080 Smart people also like getting their fucking balls drained. 1.00

01:26:17.120 They can all relate to it. 1.00

01:26:18.180 It's universal.

01:26:18.840 It works in Romania, in China, in America.

01:26:21.160 Everybody can relate to it.

01:26:22.400 I don't see a problem with it. 1.00

01:26:23.600 Some stupid jokes are fine. 1.00

01:26:26.900 But it wasn't a fight. 1.00

01:26:28.640 You know, we would just talk shit about each other behind our backs in a fun way. 0.98

01:26:32.100 Oh, that guy's just doing like alt jokes. 1.00

01:26:33.760 He sucks. 1.00

01:26:34.320 He sucks. 1.00

01:26:34.820 But like never go publicly about it. 1.00

01:26:36.840 Now it's this thing, this moral high ground.

01:26:38.440 You get activated online where you just feel like.

01:26:42.380 Have you been attacked by other standups?

01:26:44.360 Yeah.

01:26:45.180 Yeah.

01:26:45.700 But also.

01:26:47.440 Far more.

01:26:48.360 The real stories have been supported by other standups.

01:26:50.640 Yeah.

01:26:51.060 I would imagine.

01:26:51.920 At a 95% rate.

01:26:53.880 Would they attack the Kobe Bryant stuff?

01:26:55.340 They attack you for that?

01:26:56.160 A few.

01:26:56.540 But even in that, it was mostly positive texts.

01:27:00.000 How you doing?

01:27:00.580 You okay?

01:27:01.180 I thought that was hilarious.

01:27:02.800 And then a few knuckleheads.

01:27:04.880 That's it.

01:27:05.400 Who just felt.

01:27:06.200 You got punished for that.

01:27:09.640 Yeah.

01:27:10.360 Yeah.

01:27:11.200 Yeah.

01:27:13.180 Yeah.

01:27:13.700 It ruled out.

01:27:14.480 I got a call from Milo going, good one, bro.

01:27:17.380 Nice one.

01:27:17.920 You got a lot of people mad.

01:27:18.940 I'm like, thanks, buddy.

01:27:19.680 Coming from you. 0.98

01:27:20.260 That's fucking awesome. 0.99

01:27:22.860 So Milo appreciated it. 0.97

01:27:24.400 Yeah.

01:27:24.780 Duncan was like, I think this might be your best one.

01:27:26.760 I'm like, yeah, I know.

01:27:27.420 I made, I made a, I made a city crumble.

01:27:32.480 Yeah.

01:27:33.200 It was great. 0.99

01:27:33.940 I turned comedians into hypocrites. 0.99

01:27:36.300 They were all like, if you don't like a joke, just walk away. 0.99

01:27:38.640 And now these same guys, because they live in LA or they were black, they were like,

01:27:43.580 this is going too far.

01:27:44.820 I'm like, ha ha.

01:27:45.660 You have no ideals.

01:27:46.980 Ha ha ha.

01:27:47.800 I found you.

01:27:48.500 I found you.

01:27:49.240 It's all, oh, just walk away. 0.97

01:27:50.580 If it's a rape joke. 0.99

01:27:51.260 But if it's a fucking about one of your heroes, you're like, oh no, I don't like it. 0.99

01:27:54.440 You've never been triggered. 0.99

01:27:55.560 Now you're triggered.

01:27:56.280 Now you understand those people walking out.

01:27:58.320 He's screaming as they walk out.

01:27:59.620 It's also helpful for the rest of us to know who they are.

01:28:02.300 The, the phonies.

01:28:03.400 Yeah.

01:28:04.720 It's just like, did you get dropped by your management for that?

01:28:09.020 Manager dropped me.

01:28:10.200 She was also getting death threats at home.

01:28:13.700 Because you made fun of Kobe Bryant. 1.00

01:28:15.860 Dude, Laker fans are retarded. 1.00

01:28:17.960 They're not smart people. 1.00

01:28:19.860 They've only had winners.

01:28:21.120 So they don't understand what struggle is. 1.00

01:28:22.680 They're just, they're dumb. 1.00

01:28:24.020 They're bad people. 1.00

01:28:25.060 They're Laker fans.

01:28:28.980 So how, when she called you, what'd she say?

01:28:31.000 Your, your manager?

01:28:31.480 She was like, I think that's, I think that's, I think she might've texted me.

01:28:33.580 She's like, I think that's the end of the road for us.

01:28:35.220 Um, but I'm getting these like, they're going to come to, but they doxed her. 1.00

01:28:39.920 They're like, I'm going to come to your house and rape you. 0.99

01:28:41.520 It's like, ugh, don't deal with that. 1.00

01:28:43.020 Get, yeah, get out of here.

01:28:44.620 What are you guys doing?

01:28:45.820 They upped it.

01:28:46.620 They upped it at that point.

01:28:47.680 I never seen them up it like that.

01:28:48.900 Where instead of going after you, they'll go after other people.

01:28:52.100 Like your loved ones to try to hurt you.

01:28:53.980 And it's like, well, what did they do?

01:28:56.260 What, what, what do you do? 1.00

01:28:57.240 It just, it's just idiots. 1.00

01:28:58.980 You know, online going, let me, it's like they're all playing kid. 1.00

01:29:02.400 They don't even, if they actually saw someone, they wouldn't do that.

01:29:05.420 You know, they actually, nothing actual in real life, by the way, zero, only online stuff.

01:29:10.500 And I tried to calm everybody down.

01:29:12.000 I was like, guys, I've been getting death threats for two decades.

01:29:15.240 This isn't real.

01:29:16.860 This is gamer talk.

01:29:18.760 This is just gamer talk.

01:29:19.920 Well, that's true.

01:29:20.600 Yeah. 1.00

01:29:20.900 The best one was this guy was like, if you come to North Carolina, I'll kick your fucking 1.00

01:29:24.640 ass. 1.00

01:29:25.080 I swear to God. 0.99

01:29:26.000 And then an hour later, he wrote back.

01:29:28.020 He goes, okay, I see you're in North Carolina right now, but if you come to Greensboro, North 1.00

01:29:31.340 Carolina, I'm going to really kick your ass. 1.00

01:29:32.920 I'm like, no, you took a shot already, dork. 1.00

01:29:35.080 You took your shot. 1.00

01:29:36.280 Shut up. 1.00

01:29:37.720 If I ever see you, I'll kill you. 1.00

01:29:38.880 I'm like, my tour schedule's there. 1.00

01:29:41.040 Have some fucking ideals. 0.99

01:29:42.780 Come get me. 1.00

01:29:43.900 Do you worry about that? 0.98

01:29:45.020 I used to in the very beginning, but it's, it was never even a fuck you. 0.99

01:29:50.040 It was never even a, like, you're shut up. 1.00

01:29:53.740 Fuck you. 1.00

01:29:54.080 It was never even that, let alone actual danger. 1.00

01:29:57.200 So you've never had anybody come to your house or hassle you or anything like that?

01:30:13.360 No, no.

01:30:14.780 But online and they went off to other people.

01:30:16.380 And so then, but no one, I was never punished from any moral.

01:30:21.420 Your manager shouldn't drop you.

01:30:23.020 I mean, I felt sorry.

01:30:23.980 I feel sorry for her hearing about it that she got threatened.

01:30:27.120 Yeah.

01:30:27.880 But you're paying this person to have your back in moments exactly like this, right?

01:30:32.440 Yeah.

01:30:33.260 Right.

01:30:33.680 Yeah.

01:30:33.860 So to abandon you in one of those moments is pretty much the greatest dereliction of duty

01:30:39.720 imaginable.

01:30:40.700 Yeah.

01:30:40.820 We're not really friends anymore.

01:30:42.620 Yeah.

01:30:43.160 Yeah.

01:30:44.580 Yeah, exactly.

01:30:45.360 Like you guys, this is the time to.

01:30:47.020 What's the whole point, right?

01:30:48.200 Yeah.

01:30:48.380 Help me through this.

01:30:48.820 Yeah.

01:30:48.920 It's not when you're like, oh yeah.

01:30:50.960 And then my producer pulled out cause they were like, I was going to do that special.

01:30:54.920 And then he was like, oh, I can't do it.

01:30:56.500 Cause he was in LA.

01:30:57.100 LA people thought it was the end of the world.

01:30:58.660 And I was like, what?

01:31:00.080 No, it's nothing.

01:31:01.580 Even I even had an Uber driver.

01:31:03.640 I came back from Charlotte.

01:31:04.900 I was doing a gig in Charlotte when it happened.

01:31:06.820 And I came back, sat in an Uber driver and he was talking.

01:31:10.220 He was like, uh, did you hear about this Kobe Bryant guy?

01:31:12.680 I was like, yeah.

01:31:13.240 He goes, I was like, what do you, what do you think about it?

01:31:14.860 He goes, it's just weird there.

01:31:17.040 Or I don't know.

01:31:18.000 It's like, it's sad, but like there's him and his daughter and the seven other people. 0.97

01:31:23.220 They don't seem to give a fuck about those seven other people. 0.96

01:31:26.200 And I'm like, right, right. 0.98

01:31:27.660 That's fair.

01:31:28.320 You got it.

01:31:29.100 That's, that's where these jokes are.

01:31:30.580 When some celebrity dies and I'm mocking them online, it's because like you guys value

01:31:34.920 celebrity life over a normal life.

01:31:37.160 Well, you also made a pretty biting point.

01:31:39.820 I thought, well, I'll just tell you my reaction, which is I never criticize anyone when he dies.

01:31:45.120 Okay.

01:31:45.540 Right.

01:31:45.760 So there's that, but I'm not a standup, but I thought you made a totally fair point.

01:31:49.580 I'm not against Kobe Bryant, but he was credibly accused of rape.

01:31:52.540 Yeah.

01:31:52.820 They hassled the woman until she dropped, dropped out. 1.00

01:31:55.360 Right.

01:31:55.820 Started spreading rumors about her.

01:31:57.140 Seven other people seeming inside.

01:31:58.580 I was like, no.

01:31:59.220 During the trial.

01:32:00.320 Uh-huh.

01:32:00.700 Right.

01:32:01.640 And.

01:32:02.380 Stuff we wouldn't hold by today.

01:32:03.900 And he, he admitted that she never gave consent, but he implied non-verbally that there

01:32:08.900 was consent.

01:32:09.860 Yeah.

01:32:10.020 And that he strangled her.

01:32:11.520 So like there was something there.

01:32:13.120 His words, although at the time I didn't realize, I now know she does not think she

01:32:17.820 gave me consent.

01:32:19.340 It's like, all right.

01:32:20.980 So.

01:32:22.340 I'm not much of.

01:32:23.280 That's his word.

01:32:24.060 Right.

01:32:24.300 I'm not much of a feminist.

01:32:25.520 Even I am like, no, that sounds like rape to me.

01:32:27.620 By the way, also, I don't really care.

01:32:29.800 What I'm doing is making fun of our society.

01:32:32.400 Well, that's exactly.

01:32:33.360 That's exactly it.

01:32:34.240 I haven't stayed up late worrying about Kobe Bryant's assault, uh, either, but these are

01:32:39.400 the same people who are telling me to value all women and believe all women or whatever,

01:32:42.320 but they actually don't care at all.

01:32:43.540 It was wild.

01:32:44.160 And you made that point.

01:32:44.960 And I was in LA.

01:32:45.980 Fair point.

01:32:46.360 As a Laker hater.

01:32:47.980 It's going, well, they're not going to let him off.

01:32:50.600 Like he'll be going to jail, hoping he would, because like, I want the Lakers to fail.

01:32:54.300 Yeah.

01:32:54.520 And then when it became time for him to go to like, when he retired, I'm like, they're

01:32:57.560 not going to let him have a retirement season. 0.99

01:32:59.520 The women of LA, the liberal fucking women of LA are never going to let this accused rapist 1.00

01:33:05.200 get through his fucking victory lap without mentioning it. 1.00

01:33:08.840 And they were so kooky. 1.00

01:33:11.660 They just were like, no, we don't go after black people. 0.99

01:33:14.800 We only go after white people. 1.00

01:33:16.480 That's just the way it is.

01:33:19.160 So this has been brewing inside you for a while.

01:33:22.280 Well, I hate the Lakers.

01:33:23.260 I just like, whatever. 1.00

01:33:24.100 I had a bid on an old, old album of just, it was called hashtag fuck the Lakers. 0.97

01:33:28.500 I was in Denver. 1.00

01:33:29.480 I was like, oh, this is where he fucking raped that chick right here. 1.00

01:33:32.120 Do people laugh? 1.00

01:33:32.920 Yeah, of course.

01:33:34.320 Why do you hate the Lakers?

01:33:36.940 Well, I don't really.

01:33:37.960 It's just fun.

01:33:38.920 But it's because they killed comedy shows in LA.

01:33:41.380 Every time they're in the playoffs, it'd be up 3-0 in the first round.

01:33:44.880 And a game when they'd be the one seed against an eight seed and you'd have a show and no 0.99

01:33:48.900 one would show up because they all had to watch the fuck. 1.00

01:33:50.420 These bandwagon fans had to watch the fucking Lakers. 1.00

01:33:52.780 Oh. 1.00

01:33:53.780 So I'm like, I fucking hate the Lakers. 0.99

01:33:55.480 Nobody hates the Clippers. 0.99

01:33:57.160 No.

01:33:58.240 So it's like, so you just like lean into it.

01:34:00.740 Yeah.

01:34:00.860 My number one team is anti-Lakers.

01:34:03.160 That's totally fair.

01:34:03.880 My number two team is the Pelicans.

01:34:05.300 Yeah.

01:34:06.100 When you tell jokes in China, do you tailor them to a Chinese audience?

01:34:10.560 And like, what's a funny joke in China? 0.99

01:34:12.120 So anywhere else, you get halfway through a joke and realize, ah, shit, you're not going 0.99

01:34:19.320 to understand this reference. 0.98

01:34:20.260 Like, you don't even think about it.

01:34:21.000 A dog eating joke or something like that?

01:34:22.660 No, you don't do that.

01:34:23.480 They were just like, very clear, do not make fun of the government.

01:34:26.360 And I was like, okay.

01:34:27.020 And they're like, listen, we're going to tell you twice because I know you're a comedian.

01:34:30.300 We're comedians.

01:34:31.240 We can tell you that.

01:34:31.960 It's going to make you want to do it.

01:34:33.540 Don't do it.

01:34:34.240 We'll get shut down.

01:34:35.160 There's a chance to get arrested.

01:34:36.260 There's a chance we get arrested.

01:34:37.660 Don't do it.

01:34:38.640 It's not like it won't be, it won't work.

01:34:41.420 It's going to be painful for all of us.

01:34:43.200 And I still did one anyway.

01:34:44.540 I was like talking about anti-government at the time. 1.00

01:34:46.500 And I was like, my country needs a fucking mouth to come fucking murder all our senators. 1.00

01:34:50.500 And they were like, whoa, whoa. 1.00

01:34:52.180 And I was like, no, it's pro-Mao. 0.84

01:34:53.560 It's pro-Mao. 0.99

01:34:54.260 I was like, change the fucking subject. 1.00

01:34:59.120 Yeah. 0.99

01:34:59.460 But anyway, that Kobe stuff, some people just like waded and got mad.

01:35:02.240 And they were like, he shouldn't say this. 1.00

01:35:03.500 I was like, fuck off. 1.00

01:35:04.140 Wait, other stand-ups said that? 1.00

01:35:05.460 Yeah, a few.

01:35:06.600 Like who?

01:35:07.340 Nah.

01:35:08.180 But like, they know who they are.

01:35:10.060 It doesn't matter.

01:35:11.180 Others were mad, but just like, personally, like, dude, come on, man.

01:35:15.300 Miss Pat called me.

01:35:16.080 It was like, Ari, you can't make fun of our heroes.

01:35:17.860 Like, make fun of Dennis Rodman.

01:35:19.740 And I was like, all right.

01:35:20.520 Or Michelle Obama.

01:35:21.240 She goes, no, not Michelle Obama.

01:35:23.800 I'll tell you you can make fun of.

01:35:25.000 But she just called and like, would check up on me and stuff like that. 1.00

01:35:28.600 And then other people, she'd be like, fuck that fat bitch for going against you. 1.00

01:35:31.940 Miss Pat rules. 1.00

01:35:33.320 But like, the normal people would just check on you and never say a word.

01:35:36.240 You know, some people like fought tooth and nail to be like, defend me.

01:35:42.340 Other people were just like, it's not my fight, but I hope you're doing okay.

01:35:45.420 Who defended you?

01:35:48.220 Mark Norman went hard on me once.

01:35:50.140 Not hard on me.

01:35:51.240 Hard for me on a radio show in San Diego.

01:35:54.360 Talking about how like, jokes are jokes.

01:35:56.920 If you didn't like it, it's just you didn't like it.

01:35:59.500 Andrew Schultz went on The Breakfast Club.

01:36:02.300 A very black show.

01:36:03.100 Whoa, yeah.

01:36:03.820 And was like, you guys are way off.

01:36:05.500 You're way off.

01:36:06.480 I mean, that was ballsy. 0.92

01:36:07.620 To go on a black show.

01:36:08.680 He was a black hero.

01:36:09.640 So, just like when Cosby's stuff came out and they didn't want to hear it.

01:36:12.320 They didn't want to hear this either.

01:36:13.340 So, I like bringing it up.

01:36:15.120 Again, it's not about Kobe.

01:36:16.080 It's about them worshiping heroes. 0.99

01:36:17.920 So, he was like, no, it's a fucking joke. 0.99

01:36:19.600 You guys are getting it wrong. 0.99

01:36:21.700 And then, that was...

01:36:23.380 How did that go over?

01:36:24.640 They were fighting him.

01:36:26.040 And he was fighting back.

01:36:27.180 Good for him.

01:36:27.800 Schultz has always been on the right side of this.

01:36:29.500 Other people, Hinchcliffe, some people, he was like, he goes hard defending.

01:36:34.180 Just to any comic there, air on the side of just defending your art form.

01:36:38.640 Don't even say, hey, I didn't find the joke funny, but it's his right to say it.

01:36:41.440 Don't even say that part.

01:36:42.940 Just say the second part.

01:36:44.300 It's his right to say it.

01:36:45.160 Why, when everyone's coming against somebody for a joke, be like, I didn't find it funny.

01:36:48.940 Don't say that.

01:36:49.620 You would never say that normally.

01:36:51.380 You would never, in times of peace, go, I didn't find that.

01:36:53.660 But Tony Hinchcliffe defended you.

01:36:55.760 Tony, no.

01:36:57.860 Schultz defended Tony Hinchcliffe.

01:36:59.540 Oh.

01:36:59.720 When he had a...

01:37:00.720 Yeah, I remember.

01:37:01.500 They all get the kerfuffles, you know.

01:37:05.140 Who else?

01:37:06.920 Oh, Tim Dillon made like really funny jokes about it.

01:37:09.700 Good for him.

01:37:10.240 You know Tim, right?

01:37:10.920 He was just here.

01:37:11.720 Yeah.

01:37:13.160 In fact, I texted with him yesterday.

01:37:14.520 He fit in this chair.

01:37:16.300 He's slim these days.

01:37:18.180 Yeah, he's in fighting form. 1.00

01:37:19.940 Yeah, he's on a diet of fucking twink cum. 1.00

01:37:23.920 I didn't ask you about that. 1.00

01:37:25.460 I don't think he's really gay.

01:37:27.320 I think that's not true.

01:37:28.000 That's a real theory.

01:37:29.000 I don't think that.

01:37:29.940 I don't think that.

01:37:30.620 We all be like, prove it.

01:37:31.820 Kiss one guy in front of us.

01:37:33.180 I totally...

01:37:33.700 Do you remember Pete Buttigieg ran for president? 0.94

01:37:37.840 He's supposedly gay and now he's transportation secretary.

01:37:42.120 And I had one of my producers who's gay and he goes, you know, he's not gay. 0.67

01:37:45.860 I was like, are you serious? 1.00

01:37:47.400 He goes, no, that's complete bullshit. 1.00

01:37:48.940 Wow. 1.00

01:37:49.380 Oh, no. 0.95

01:37:49.860 He goes, and you know, all gays all keep very close track of that stuff. 1.00

01:37:53.100 Oh, yeah.

01:37:54.020 And my producer's like, no, it's totally a pose.

01:37:56.700 He was dating women just a few years ago.

01:37:57.980 That's totally fake.

01:37:58.780 He's not gay at all.

01:37:59.760 Smart.

01:38:00.720 So I said that on the air.

01:38:01.800 People got all offended.

01:38:03.520 I thought it was kind of hilarious.

01:38:04.700 It is hilarious.

01:38:05.320 Yeah, it is.

01:38:05.680 It is hilarious.

01:38:06.340 Yes.

01:38:06.820 And you're also like, I'm not against gays.

01:38:08.460 I'm saying he's not one.

01:38:10.180 Well, that's what I said.

01:38:11.620 Yeah. 0.98

01:38:13.660 So Tim went on and he goes, he plays a good dumb sometimes on purpose. 0.95

01:38:17.780 Oh, totally. 0.97

01:38:18.060 Like you do with the questions. 1.00

01:38:19.540 He does that with dumb. 0.99

01:38:20.460 He had this thing about when they were trying to ban Apu. 0.99

01:38:22.400 Um, and he had Giannis Papas has this like old Greek guy character.

01:38:27.620 And he was like asking questions to Pete about, about Apu.

01:38:31.340 Asking questions to Tim about Apu.

01:38:32.940 And he goes, this man, he is a, he's a bad father.

01:38:36.540 He goes, oh no, he's actually a great father.

01:38:38.460 There's a white character in the show. 0.96

01:38:39.820 He's a really, he chokes his children. 0.97

01:38:41.320 He's a really bad father.

01:38:42.080 But Apu is, no, he's got eight kids and he's really wonderful.

01:38:45.180 So he, uh, he's, I'm sort of deadbeat.

01:38:46.940 He goes, no, small business owner.

01:38:50.240 He goes, I don't get it.

01:38:51.460 And Tim's like, yeah, I don't know.

01:38:52.920 They just don't like a, anyway.

01:38:54.760 So he did that with me where he goes, um, he goes, Ari's actions and his words were terrible

01:38:59.880 to take a hero like that and make fun of her. 0.99

01:39:02.200 And his, and his, um, and his producer's like, yeah, it's tough.

01:39:06.100 It's like, I, it's just like, you get on, on the day of a death to make fun of Aretha Franklin. 0.98

01:39:12.360 It's so shitty. 0.78

01:39:13.480 And the producer's like, no, no, no, it's, it was not. 0.99

01:39:16.540 It's like, no, no, I read it.

01:39:17.720 He did a thing about Aretha Franklin.

01:39:19.120 And he goes, that was a different one.

01:39:20.740 He goes, oh, so he does this all the time.

01:39:22.640 It's not about this one thing that they hear.

01:39:24.660 No, he said something about Aretha Franklin.

01:39:26.460 He's like, it's not that.

01:39:27.480 He goes, well, I'm pretty pissed about the Aretha Franklin thing from like three years

01:39:32.080 earlier. 0.99

01:39:32.700 It was just a way of saying like, guys, shut the fuck up in a funny way. 0.99

01:39:36.660 That was like a most creative way to do it. 0.99

01:39:38.320 Oh, that's, that's inspiring.

01:39:40.380 Does anybody pay any attention at all to the late night hosts?

01:39:45.320 Like, that's not even a category anymore, I guess, but that's, but not even so funny.

01:39:52.620 You see them sometimes like crying about something.

01:39:54.940 Like what happened to your industry?

01:39:56.620 You're crying.

01:39:57.540 But when you were a kid, I mean, all it was, yeah, that was it.

01:40:02.120 You'd watch the tonight show monologue.

01:40:04.500 But when you guys get to it, when like you and Tim Dillon are having dinner, you're not

01:40:08.140 talking about what Kimmel said.

01:40:10.020 No.

01:40:11.260 Occasionally we will talk, I'm trying to stay positive.

01:40:14.540 So occasionally we'll talk about how cool Kimmel used to be and how that is really him,

01:40:18.820 the cool guy.

01:40:19.540 Yeah.

01:40:19.820 And he's, I don't know, playing pretend or whatever.

01:40:22.740 Kimmel had a, there was a roast for a local kind of, kind of lunatic comedian, Peter 0.81

01:40:28.720 Chen. 0.51

01:40:30.020 We had a sort of fake roast.

01:40:31.820 As distinct from other comedians or what does that mean? 0.96

01:40:33.760 Uh, he was a bit crazy.

01:40:35.580 The owner of the comic store passed him as a, as a, to like, let everyone else kind 1.00

01:40:40.380 of fuck with him. 0.99

01:40:41.240 He, he was a bit of a, yeah, not a, not me lunatic or you lunatic, but like off. 1.00

01:40:46.960 Um, and, and that's what a standup says that it's real, a terrible, terrible comp, like

01:40:51.140 an, on no future, no past comedian.

01:40:55.420 Um, yeah. 1.00

01:40:57.840 And so it was just a local, like at the comic store, he was like, you could just fuck with 1.00

01:41:01.920 him all the time. 1.00

01:41:03.760 He's crazy and angry, driven to anger at all times. 1.00

01:41:06.180 It was fun to fuck with him. 1.00

01:41:07.620 Um, so we had a roast for him and, um, everyone, you know, did their thing. 0.99

01:41:12.420 And then he, it's his turn to get up and he goes, uh, to everybody.

01:41:15.380 He's like, you say this about me.

01:41:16.600 I, I, but I, you are the man, uh, nice.

01:41:19.020 You wear a plaid shirt, not straight lines.

01:41:21.300 And like, he thinks he's getting you.

01:41:22.640 And then he goes to Jimmy Kimmel was on the, on the dais.

01:41:25.800 Um, I mean, it's an 80 seater.

01:41:27.700 That's got 30 people in it before.

01:41:29.880 He might've already had a show.

01:41:30.940 He might not have, but, um, but he goes, uh, and Jimmy, you'll say I am a snake. 0.98

01:41:36.380 You are a snake. 0.94

01:41:37.320 And Jimmy Kimmel cracked his beer bottle. 1.00

01:41:39.880 I was like, I'll fucking kill you. 1.00

01:41:41.740 And he had to be held back. 1.00

01:41:43.540 That's who he is.

01:41:45.060 He's a funny guy.

01:41:46.880 I don't know what that is, but he's a funny guy.

01:41:50.720 What about the other two?

01:41:53.380 Um, uh, who was it?

01:41:57.180 Fallon?

01:41:57.900 Yeah.

01:41:58.360 Fallon.

01:41:58.940 I can't remember.

01:41:59.480 And the guy from the daily show.

01:42:02.360 The guy from the daily show.

01:42:03.640 Um, I don't, I've never seen the daily show that he, his old show is pretty funny.

01:42:07.940 The fake Republican.

01:42:08.780 Very funny.

01:42:09.360 Yeah.

01:42:09.740 I agree. 0.99

01:42:10.540 Um, yeah, Fallon's a fucking, he's also, he's so clean on there, but I don't think he's that clean. 0.99

01:42:20.960 I think he's like a boozer and a fun guy from what I hear. 0.99

01:42:24.880 I don't know.

01:42:25.280 So that's just totally, that's not even a factor in comedy.

01:42:27.880 Yeah, I did like, I did like when he goes, uh, when they were like, Hey, you're losing the ratings to the other guy, to the, to the daily show guy.

01:42:34.580 You need to talk about Trump and stuff.

01:42:36.200 And he goes, that's just not me.

01:42:37.720 I play ping pong with guests.

01:42:40.180 So if everyone wants to hear that, then you should go to that guy.

01:42:43.140 But if you want to hear for a good lip sync battle, I'm your guy.

01:42:46.080 Well, good for him.

01:42:46.800 Yeah, exactly.

01:42:47.200 Know who you are.

01:42:48.000 Yeah.

01:42:48.460 I just think more comics should do that.

01:42:50.080 Stay in your lane.

01:42:51.160 Be funny.

01:42:51.940 You can write a tweet against Trump or Biden.

01:42:54.180 Make it a joke.

01:42:55.520 So many comics. 0.99

01:42:56.480 Louie said this because comics fuck themselves over because they were like, it's just a joke. 0.99

01:43:00.680 It's just a joke. 0.99

01:43:01.260 But as an audience member, you're like, but a lot of you guys are not joking.

01:43:04.740 Legitimately, you're making serious statements.

01:43:06.340 So how are we the audience to know when you're joking and when you're not?

01:43:10.120 This guy might be the worst president of all time.

01:43:12.240 That's not a joke. 0.81

01:43:13.620 No.

01:43:14.320 Make it a joke. 1.00

01:43:15.960 This guy's a worse president than Kermit was at being a fucking front. 1.00

01:43:19.720 I don't know. 1.00

01:43:20.080 I don't know.

01:43:20.420 I don't know.

01:43:20.920 But there's a joke possible.

01:43:23.020 So then what do you make of Chappelle?

01:43:24.400 Well, in general, he's a great comic.

01:43:27.260 Well, of course he is.

01:43:28.620 But there's also a, and there's not a criticism.

01:43:31.260 Yeah.

01:43:31.420 I just have seen it.

01:43:32.740 Of what?

01:43:33.900 Well, there's a, it's, it's all like his, he did this, the tranny special he did was like 1.00

01:43:40.100 an editorial.

01:43:40.680 It was not, he was not joking.

01:43:43.360 He was serious.

01:43:44.340 Is that good or bad?

01:43:45.540 There's a thing I'll say that happens to a lot of people.

01:43:49.900 You get some, and it's not necessarily him because everyone's on their own path, but you

01:43:55.800 get some backlash.

01:43:57.820 Yeah.

01:43:58.180 And then instead of just allowing that to be backlash, you want, I think it comes from

01:44:03.460 a place of, you want to win those people over and explain you're not the guy.

01:44:06.260 You're not the guy they think.

01:44:07.780 And you want to win them over.

01:44:09.260 But then what happens is your creative output is spent trying to win over people who hate

01:44:15.640 you.

01:44:15.900 Yes.

01:44:16.200 Instead of trying to please the people who do love you.

01:44:19.760 And that's your core group and keep honoring them.

01:44:22.900 And these other people, it sways them all.

01:44:25.700 It's so smart.

01:44:26.480 When the people go really.

01:44:27.620 I just got it.

01:44:28.180 That is a really smart observation.

01:44:30.000 Thanks, buddy.

01:44:30.320 It's not just comedy.

01:44:31.480 No, I'm saying. 1.00

01:44:32.880 Fucking anti-Semite. 1.00

01:44:34.340 All we can be is a brain. 1.00

01:44:36.060 You have a high verbal intelligence, I'll say.

01:44:38.740 No, I think that's a really insightful thing to say.

01:44:41.220 It's not just comedians, by the way, who do that.

01:44:42.720 Right, right, right.

01:44:43.260 Right.

01:44:43.640 Yeah. 0.99

01:44:43.920 And then it just keeps going further and further over until you, this warped fucking Gollum version 1.00

01:44:48.700 of yourself. 1.00

01:44:49.440 Yes.

01:44:50.500 And they're like, what happened to you?

01:44:51.540 And I've seen it.

01:44:52.100 They won, actually.

01:44:53.540 They won.

01:44:54.080 Your enemies won.

01:44:54.900 The critics won.

01:44:55.640 They driven you off.

01:44:56.400 Because they distorted you.

01:44:57.600 And it's not even like, let me do a good joke about this.

01:45:00.080 It's, hey, I was already done with that.

01:45:02.080 So I'm not going to keep doing jokes.

01:45:04.300 I'm not.

01:45:04.820 So people ask me about when I did this Jew thing. 0.92

01:45:06.680 Like, you should come out in a helicopter and do whatever. 0.99

01:45:08.700 I'm like, guys, that was a throwaway line on fucking three minutes. 0.98

01:45:13.140 You only hear about. 0.90

01:45:14.280 So that's what you want me to be.

01:45:16.180 I was never going to cover that again. 0.99

01:45:17.560 That was the one joke about the fucking Lakers. 0.99

01:45:20.160 I moved on to other stuff. 1.00

01:45:21.980 You want me to live in that forever?

01:45:23.460 That's crazy.

01:45:24.820 That's right.

01:45:25.020 So you keep doing.

01:45:26.360 Also, artists do this when they get positive feedback.

01:45:29.140 Well, it's like, I do a bunch of different paintings, but this one's about deer seem to

01:45:33.160 sell more.

01:45:33.760 So, well, I guess I'll paint more deers. 0.72

01:45:36.200 And it's like, that's not your natural progression as a visual artist, as a painter.

01:45:41.640 So how do you keep in?

01:45:43.220 Can't read any of it.

01:45:44.180 Can't read any feedback.

01:45:45.320 Positive feedback is just as deadly as negative feedback.

01:45:47.200 Yes, I agree.

01:45:48.260 Yeah.

01:45:48.560 People telling you we like that.

01:45:49.720 I knew I liked you.

01:45:50.480 This is exactly right.

01:45:51.900 Yeah.

01:45:52.400 Can't read anything.

01:45:53.220 Can't allow it in.

01:45:54.420 That's right.

01:45:54.720 You can.

01:45:55.660 You, as a comic, we got something that nobody gets is immediate reaction.

01:46:00.360 I can hear the laughs.

01:46:01.680 Yes.

01:46:01.940 We know when it's good and when it's bad.

01:46:04.260 And sometimes when you're starting, somebody will be like, no, no, they were laughing in

01:46:06.940 the back.

01:46:07.200 You couldn't hear it.

01:46:07.600 I'm like, they're facing me.

01:46:09.120 I can hear.

01:46:09.800 I got the best seat in the house for the laughs.

01:46:11.500 And I know when there's good laughs and bad laughs.

01:46:13.580 And I know even in that 15 minute set that I thought was bad, there was one joke that

01:46:16.760 killed and the other 14 were not good.

01:46:18.760 So I'm aware what the line was for this crowd and I failed and it's okay.

01:46:22.880 And they tell you like, no, this, that I can tell from immediate feedback.

01:46:27.480 I don't have to go home and go, who was saying anything about it online?

01:46:30.660 I know what worked. 0.99

01:46:32.540 Every time they come out with a thing against comics, they're like, and this fucking crowd 0.99

01:46:36.300 was laughing. 0.99

01:46:36.680 This crowd doesn't know me, especially if it's at the cellar, the stand of the comedy

01:46:40.060 store.

01:46:40.360 This is not our crowds.

01:46:41.760 They're just there for the show and we're going on.

01:46:44.000 And if you're making them laugh, that's a bunch of strangers laughing.

01:46:46.620 That's all the feedback you need.

01:46:47.900 Or a bunch of strangers not laughing.

01:46:50.860 And that's also great feedback.

01:46:53.100 You know, occasionally you'll get a comedian and go, Hey, there's something there.

01:46:56.180 Don't give up on that joke.

01:46:57.040 Wait, everything you're saying is true and wise, more important, but there's also the

01:47:03.640 reality of touring for any gig, which is you wind up in a hotel room alone and there's

01:47:09.500 nothing to do.

01:47:10.100 It's depressing and you're on your phone and you're like, I wonder what the reaction

01:47:13.840 to this was.

01:47:15.020 That's fair.

01:47:15.840 And I should say this.

01:47:16.600 I fall to it constantly.

01:47:20.020 When I say don't read that, it's advising myself, read it less.

01:47:24.460 Yeah, that's right.

01:47:25.020 You know, we were all talking once at the store in the parking lot and Gerard Carmichael

01:47:30.420 showed up.

01:47:30.900 We were all talking about reading comments and stuff.

01:47:32.780 And he was like, yeah, you shouldn't read this before.

01:47:34.960 What year was this with him?

01:47:37.480 I think it was right after he had his first TV show.

01:47:39.860 So he was kind of a star.

01:47:41.040 Like Beyonce knows him, but not like internationally.

01:47:43.900 And he was doing well.

01:47:44.740 Anyway, whatever.

01:47:45.580 And he goes, yeah, yeah, you shouldn't read it.

01:47:47.700 But it is people talking about you.

01:47:50.120 It's interesting, right?

01:47:51.160 It's Tom Sawyer and Huck Finn. 0.99

01:47:52.640 Like, let's go up there and hear my fucking- 0.99

01:47:54.500 Well, you're a performer. 0.99

01:47:55.700 I mean, you play for people and for their reactions.

01:47:57.740 So this is another form of it.

01:47:58.820 Yeah, and you want to hear it.

01:48:01.300 But it's just like, do something else.

01:48:03.780 It's deadly.

01:48:04.960 Every once in a while, I'll go open up Instagram when I'm bored.

01:48:07.060 And I'm like, don't.

01:48:07.660 Fight back one time.

01:48:09.320 And it's not like a wholesale, like I'll never be on here.

01:48:11.700 But I'm like, right now, I shouldn't be on it.

01:48:13.260 I'm in the woods.

01:48:14.100 I'm in the woods sometimes.

01:48:15.240 And I go on my phone. 1.00

01:48:16.200 It's like, fucking, ugh. 1.00

01:48:19.100 Do it later. 1.00

01:48:19.940 You did take four and a half months off without your phone.

01:48:22.020 So I don't know anyone else who's done that.

01:48:24.800 Yeah.

01:48:25.380 It's just like, you set your own line and I'm behind my line.

01:48:28.380 I'm about to, I've been, for almost a year,

01:48:30.200 I've been trying to get on this light phone.

01:48:32.340 You know the light phone?

01:48:33.180 No.

01:48:33.980 It's a company.

01:48:34.760 They made it.

01:48:36.600 You can do regular texting.

01:48:40.000 The buyers are two people.

01:48:42.340 They are people who want to spend less time online

01:48:44.500 and people who don't want to be spied on. 1.00

01:48:47.180 They're woods people and there's fucking liberals 1.00

01:48:49.440 who don't want to fall to it. 1.00

01:48:51.160 I'm in the latter, I guess.

01:48:55.240 Full texting.

01:48:56.680 There's no email on there.

01:48:59.160 There's a Maps app, but not Google Maps

01:49:01.280 because those people don't want to be tracked.

01:49:03.380 So it's some other Maps app.

01:49:04.840 I think there is a Rideshare app

01:49:07.340 and some sort of music playing app, I think,

01:49:12.540 but not Spotify because they don't want anybody out.

01:49:15.260 The Light Phone 3 is about to come out.

01:49:17.020 With a camera, unrelated.

01:49:18.540 Like it takes a picture onto a hard drive.

01:49:19.660 So that's all I use my phone for.

01:49:21.460 So that would be for me.

01:49:22.740 Yeah, I want one where I can't get this stuff on there.

01:49:25.660 I can't get email.

01:49:26.860 I'll check it at home.

01:49:27.980 I want to be able to text and not have to do this, 0.98

01:49:30.220 which is fucking annoying. 0.95

01:49:33.000 So a full keyboard. 0.99

01:49:33.980 They used to have the one that flipped open like that,

01:49:35.900 the LG Envy, and you can text like that.

01:49:38.340 Flip phone, but you can text like that.

01:49:40.180 It's a breeze.

01:49:40.760 Loved it.

01:49:41.400 I gave up email completely.

01:49:43.020 What do you mean?

01:49:43.300 Completely.

01:49:43.860 No email.

01:49:44.500 I don't do email.

01:49:44.820 No email?

01:49:45.380 No email.

01:49:46.680 How do you deal with like long form?

01:49:48.720 I text.

01:49:49.620 That's it.

01:49:50.460 And I try to make, I mean, I'm sure I miss a lot,

01:49:53.640 you know, and I-

01:49:54.780 How does someone send you?

01:49:56.000 Okay, so they can send you a link you can open.

01:49:57.700 Read this.

01:49:58.200 Yeah, or a PDF.

01:49:59.300 Or I just don't deal with stuff.

01:50:01.260 Wow.

01:50:01.860 And because I think it's just, it takes too much time.

01:50:06.160 Yeah, I think I've lost probably half to a full decade

01:50:08.960 of my life to this.

01:50:09.780 Right, and so it might be worth saying, you know,

01:50:12.960 I'm an artist, I'm a creator, I'm a little eccentric,

01:50:16.280 I've got a weird personal life,

01:50:17.480 and I'm just not playing along with your conventions.

01:50:19.780 You could probably pull that off.

01:50:21.000 You're also in a position where you're successful enough

01:50:23.000 where you'd be like, guys, deal with it for me.

01:50:26.440 Like, handle this.

01:50:27.180 Yeah, but there's not that much, actually.

01:50:28.380 You can bang it out on text,

01:50:30.320 and then you can get to the bottom of it every day.

01:50:32.900 Then you go to sleep with nothing.

01:50:34.400 And you make a phone call.

01:50:35.300 Like, hey, explain this to me.

01:50:36.740 Let's go over it real quick.

01:50:37.720 It's going to take us 10 minutes.

01:50:38.620 It's not texting.

01:50:39.520 It's going to take us five hours.

01:50:40.720 Yeah, I don't do a ton of phone calls either.

01:50:42.340 Okay.

01:50:43.020 Because you can't do those at two in the morning.

01:50:45.640 Yeah, yeah.

01:50:47.440 So you text.

01:50:47.780 I wish there was a way to send a text,

01:50:49.480 schedule send a text.

01:51:03.280 Can you make more,

01:51:05.160 at some point,

01:51:06.080 will standards be able to make more money

01:51:07.800 on the internet than they made on TV?

01:51:10.520 They already are.

01:51:11.200 They already are.

01:51:11.800 Yeah, they already are.

01:51:13.120 So it's like, it's pretty wild,

01:51:15.200 the lack of caring they have for these conventions.

01:51:19.140 Now, some of the comics have made so much money,

01:51:20.980 they've re-imprisoned themselves.

01:51:23.340 And that's why they usually come out

01:51:24.980 against a comic who crossed the line,

01:51:27.120 because they're afraid of their own money

01:51:28.320 kind of going away,

01:51:29.740 instead of just defending their friends.

01:51:31.900 When Harvey Weinstein came out,

01:51:34.480 when it came out about Harvey Weinstein,

01:51:37.200 they went to Tarantino.

01:51:39.800 And it's like, well, you've worked with him.

01:51:40.980 You need to weigh in.

01:51:41.520 You need to make your statement.

01:51:42.840 And he said something along the lines of,

01:51:44.520 hey guys, I've known this guy for 25 to 30 years.

01:51:48.080 He was at my wedding.

01:51:49.080 I was at his, or vice versa, whatever.

01:51:51.660 This has been a friend for a long time.

01:51:53.260 You need to give me some time to think about this.

01:51:55.680 And it seemed reasonable enough,

01:51:57.180 and they kind of went away.

01:51:58.020 And I don't even know if he ever said anything.

01:52:00.000 But what's saying anything going to do anyway?

01:52:02.340 Exactly.

01:52:03.000 They need more of that,

01:52:04.060 but they're all scared of losing their positions.

01:52:05.660 So they sell out their friends.

01:52:07.380 L.A. Comics more than New York.

01:52:08.500 So the more money they make, 0.98

01:52:09.680 the more cowardly they become. 0.78

01:52:11.100 We all wanted to do our own thing. 0.97

01:52:12.920 And then there's money in prison.

01:52:14.060 They had these jobs.

01:52:14.860 I mean, I make fun of Rogan once in a while,

01:52:17.100 where I was like,

01:52:17.760 I remember when he was still in L.A.

01:52:19.060 and I was like, hey, I'm coming to town.

01:52:20.960 I'm going to go on a hike.

01:52:22.200 And he goes, ah, I can't.

01:52:23.060 I got to interview some guy.

01:52:24.080 And I was like, ah, I just canceled.

01:52:25.660 He goes, nah, he's coming from Australia. 0.99

01:52:26.920 I got to fucking do it. 0.99

01:52:27.740 And I was like, oh, for your job? 1.00

01:52:30.340 He'd say, shut up, all right?

01:52:31.440 Oh, you wouldn't do it for millions of dollars? 0.94

01:52:32.780 No, I would, but don't ignore.

01:52:34.900 Are you worried about getting too successful

01:52:36.840 where you can't take four months off

01:52:38.580 and go to Myanmar?

01:52:40.100 I, I, no, no.

01:52:45.140 The problem becomes when you have a,

01:52:47.060 like this guy and that guy,

01:52:48.700 where like you guys rely on me for money.

01:52:50.840 Yeah.

01:52:51.140 So now it's a separate thing.

01:52:53.260 And that's when I didn't realize.

01:52:54.480 That's what Comedy Central did to me.

01:52:56.560 You got employees.

01:52:58.540 Well, they were like, well, there's all these,

01:52:59.840 like you have all these staff members.

01:53:02.340 You have all these people going to shoot your show. 0.98

01:53:03.900 We'll kick you out. 1.00

01:53:04.920 They'll be out of work.

01:53:05.680 They're not going to pay their rent

01:53:06.580 or you can comply. 1.00

01:53:08.300 And you're like, oh, fuck. 1.00

01:53:10.140 How horrible are they? 1.00

01:53:12.060 They're just really horrible.

01:53:14.000 Like they are, right?

01:53:14.880 I get that, that feeling.

01:53:16.120 They're done now.

01:53:16.700 They're off, which is sad

01:53:18.260 because it was a good platform for comedians.

01:53:20.400 They don't take any happiness in their demise.

01:53:23.300 So that's actually my last question.

01:53:24.700 It's about, is about the new platform for comedians.

01:53:27.020 Like how central is Rogan to all this,

01:53:28.780 to this ecosystem?

01:53:30.500 I mean, he is the best.

01:53:33.260 The amount of support he has.

01:53:35.140 I mean, there's times where he goes,

01:53:36.940 so some big guy,

01:53:38.120 some Oliver Stone wants me to have a podcast,

01:53:39.620 but I can't.

01:53:40.400 I have this open mic-er on today or tomorrow.

01:53:42.580 So I'm already booked.

01:53:43.540 I want to promote this open mic-er.

01:53:44.720 Whereas everybody else would go,

01:53:46.320 well, the name Oliver Stone will get more hits

01:53:47.740 than this open mic-er.

01:53:48.860 So I can't.

01:53:49.700 He's just like, I'm the, I'm the name.

01:53:51.620 I'm Joe Rogan.

01:53:52.600 So I want to put this guy on or that guy on.

01:53:55.280 And this guy's funny.

01:53:56.360 I want to push him to a big platform

01:53:58.480 instead of like,

01:53:59.240 what's going to help me book my show.

01:54:01.500 It's like, interesting.

01:54:02.420 He'll help me.

01:54:02.700 He just, the casual talking about the outlawness of standup

01:54:06.480 has helped all of us.

01:54:08.180 Whether or not you've been on his show or not,

01:54:10.600 he's made standup more popular.

01:54:12.900 You know, so now we, we can all just,

01:54:15.640 I mean, it's, it's succeeding on a,

01:54:17.020 it's a crazy level.

01:54:18.800 So what, like, what's the effect

01:54:20.080 on a standup's career of going on Rogan?

01:54:25.840 Well, one time is not as big as,

01:54:28.100 as it once was.

01:54:29.260 Cause there's now there's thousands of episodes.

01:54:32.120 Um, but guys like Theo Vaughn launched off

01:54:35.680 like a good early appearance.

01:54:37.260 Tim Dillon launched off that.

01:54:38.780 Dave Smith, you know,

01:54:39.680 really became well-known off that.

01:54:42.120 I know all three good guys.

01:54:43.200 Yeah.

01:54:43.800 Yeah.

01:54:44.260 And you do well on that.

01:54:45.660 Joey D, but like, it was consistent ones, you know?

01:54:48.900 Um, it's not like,

01:54:51.660 it's kind of like the Tonight Show

01:54:52.920 with Johnny Carson was a long time ago.

01:54:54.320 Yeah.

01:54:54.440 It's like, they say like,

01:54:55.680 you go on there, you're a star.

01:54:56.620 And everyone you talk to from back then,

01:54:57.820 like, no, no, no.

01:54:58.500 You're eighth time on there, you're a star.

01:55:00.820 But that whole week, people recognize you.

01:55:03.300 But unlike Carson, I mean,

01:55:04.740 Rogan makes the call himself.

01:55:06.040 He doesn't have,

01:55:06.760 like scouts in the clubs at night.

01:55:09.460 Yeah.

01:55:09.800 He's like, wow, this lady was, 0.99

01:55:11.060 that was a female open miker. 1.00

01:55:14.640 We're all getting high in the back.

01:55:16.240 And then you want to walk past the original,

01:55:18.160 the room.

01:55:19.600 And you kind of like go in there,

01:55:20.780 especially if you're high or drunk.

01:55:21.780 It's great.

01:55:22.620 Watching some high level unknown comic.

01:55:25.260 You just, it's, it's great.

01:55:26.380 It's laughs.

01:55:27.520 You know, it's free laughs.

01:55:29.200 Um, yeah.

01:55:31.180 It's like you're passing by a live standup comedy show

01:55:33.800 on your way out of work.

01:55:35.040 It's, it's the best.

01:55:35.880 And he's in there laughing.

01:55:36.900 He goes, you were great.

01:55:37.820 He was always really great.

01:55:39.020 Carson, Carlin was like that.

01:55:40.580 He'd sit in the back.

01:55:41.380 He knew who he was.

01:55:42.580 And if you did well,

01:55:43.440 I'd be like, Hey, that was really good set.

01:55:44.600 He knew not to just keep that to himself.

01:55:47.500 He knew what George Carlin saying good set would mean.

01:55:50.880 Did you know him?

01:55:51.920 I met him once.

01:55:52.880 Never said it to me.

01:55:54.100 But I never had a good set in front of him. 1.00

01:55:55.260 He didn't like your shit at all. 1.00

01:55:56.320 Never had a good set in front of him. 1.00

01:55:57.920 But, uh, but if he was there and he saw you,

01:56:00.660 he tipped me 20 bucks to get him a deli sandwich.

01:56:03.600 And I was like, no, the comedy store is playing.

01:56:05.280 I know it's for you.

01:56:06.800 And I desperately needed it.

01:56:08.660 I mean, I was poor.

01:56:10.380 And Rogan was always passing money around.

01:56:13.020 Really?

01:56:13.560 Oh yeah.

01:56:15.460 Yeah.

01:56:15.840 He kept me in business for a long time.

01:56:17.700 Rogan did?

01:56:18.220 I opened for him for five, six years on the road.

01:56:21.920 Yeah.

01:56:22.300 We're good friends.

01:56:24.320 We're good friends.

01:56:25.320 But like, so, I mean, I can't, I can't pay him back.

01:56:30.200 I just try to be, I just try to pass it forward.

01:56:32.060 How many dates do you do a year?

01:56:34.220 Try to limit it to 24 weeks a year.

01:56:38.560 And the weeks can either be Fridays.

01:56:40.000 24 weeks?

01:56:40.820 It can either be just Friday, Saturday,

01:56:43.100 or like for the Edinburgh Festival,

01:56:45.160 it's an entire month.

01:56:46.660 It's four straights.

01:56:47.000 How do you not get addicted to heroin doing that?

01:56:49.240 That's so much time on the road.

01:56:50.360 You get to be a boozer for sure.

01:56:55.480 Yeah.

01:56:55.860 Yeah.

01:56:56.660 Heroin is always like, one time I had a thought like,

01:56:59.100 I mean, I want to try it.

01:57:00.500 But I was like, okay, I'm going to do it away from home.

01:57:03.360 So I can't find a dealer that I can.

01:57:05.380 And then you realize you can just find a dealer.

01:57:07.740 If you're in New York City, you probably pull that off.

01:57:10.140 Yeah.

01:57:10.520 So I just haven't gotten into it.

01:57:12.540 But how do you keep your life from capsizing?

01:57:16.900 Sometimes it gets bad.

01:57:18.760 And you're like, oh, I got to take that back a little.

01:57:20.360 Pot also, someone was like,

01:57:21.600 eh, I messed up a show a little bit.

01:57:23.740 Not completely.

01:57:24.660 It went from an A to like an A minus.

01:57:26.540 Be like, eh, cool it.

01:57:28.300 Being high on stage.

01:57:29.240 Being high, being drunk.

01:57:30.100 You're like, let's get drunk afterwards.

01:57:31.420 They asked Earthquake once.

01:57:32.320 They're like, do you drink on stage?

01:57:33.300 I love this interview.

01:57:34.300 And he goes, stand-up comedy is one of the few jobs

01:57:37.520 that enable you the right to imbibe while you're at work.

01:57:42.780 And I like to avail myself of that right.

01:57:45.540 And they go, does it ever make you worse?

01:57:46.880 He goes, almost every time.

01:57:48.280 But yeah, you just got to keep track of it

01:57:53.600 and not let it get to your, you're, you're your own employee.

01:57:56.160 So it's up to you.

01:57:57.580 Yeah.

01:57:57.680 But there's a, there's a disconnection that happened.

01:58:01.440 Justify.

01:58:01.880 There's a lot of sober comics.

01:58:03.320 Are there really?

01:58:04.000 Couldn't handle it.

01:58:05.040 Joe List.

01:58:05.360 I met Joe List.

01:58:06.140 Great comic.

01:58:06.880 I met him when I moved to New York.

01:58:08.260 It was like a separation between New York and LA.

01:58:11.900 And I was like, hey, everybody here in New York

01:58:13.400 talks about you.

01:58:14.160 Like, like kind of reveres you, but I'd never heard of you coming from LA.

01:58:19.420 Like what's, he goes, you want to know why I'm not as big as my name?

01:58:22.760 He goes, yeah.

01:58:23.000 He goes, booze.

01:58:23.820 But I've been sober for six months.

01:58:25.780 And now 12 years.

01:58:28.080 He's crushing it now.

01:58:29.260 But he had to, you know, he had to do that for himself.

01:58:32.300 Other guy, I mean, Rogan gets high all the time.

01:58:35.140 He can handle it.

01:58:36.720 Yeah.

01:58:37.040 But a lot of, I mean, there's a reason that touring musicians, you know,

01:58:41.720 it's just tour.

01:58:42.420 It's the touring.

01:58:43.160 There was a DJ who quit, who quit DJing.

01:58:45.700 I forget who it was.

01:58:47.300 And they were like, he was like, well, I'm doing too much drugs.

01:58:49.680 I can't do it.

01:58:50.180 So I got to stop DJing.

01:58:51.140 And people go, well, just don't do drugs while you DJ.

01:58:54.120 And he goes, hey, you just don't know the world.

01:58:56.200 You have to.

01:59:00.540 Yeah.

01:59:00.940 I don't know.

01:59:01.320 Try to self.

01:59:02.000 But yeah, Rogan, he just rules for it.

01:59:04.260 And it's a way of like, he's like, pay your openers well.

01:59:07.800 He was paying me $150 a set to MC.

01:59:11.020 The standard rate was 50.

01:59:12.720 He was paying 150.

01:59:14.100 And then paying, Joey Diaz would go with us also.

01:59:16.100 He's paying him also 150.

01:59:17.300 And the rate for the middle was 100.

01:59:19.220 And then one day he called me and Joey.

01:59:21.540 And he goes, hey, I'm sorry.

01:59:22.860 I'm giving you guys a raise.

01:59:24.200 But I'm like, no one's offering us that much.

01:59:27.400 Definitely not more.

01:59:28.340 He goes, no, you guys are headliners.

01:59:29.380 You should make headliner money.

01:59:30.460 I'm giving you 250 a set.

01:59:31.480 So we'd come home with like as much money as I would make pretty much on my own headlining.

01:59:38.780 That I never got any work, by the way.

01:59:40.900 But like, it would have been the same.

01:59:42.740 And also never touched my wallet and went out to the finest restaurants.

01:59:46.800 You know, it was great.

01:59:48.920 That's amazing.

01:59:49.700 Yeah.

01:59:49.840 Why do you think he does it?

01:59:53.780 Oh, I don't know.

01:59:55.000 He's a positive guy.

01:59:56.520 So for a while, he just brought Joey Diaz with him.

01:59:59.220 And then, and Joey was pretty coked up back then.

02:00:02.860 And sometimes he just would not show up.

02:00:07.040 And he could bring a local, but he had to be supportive to the scene.

02:00:10.420 He got to help guys that are struggling.

02:00:12.580 And he'd bring just Joey.

02:00:13.480 And then Joey would, he'd get to the airport.

02:00:15.160 And he's like, Joey, where are you?

02:00:16.040 Don't answer his phone.

02:00:17.240 And then he'd land in the new city.

02:00:18.500 He's like, where are you?

02:00:19.020 He goes, ah, something came up.

02:00:20.380 I missed my flight.

02:00:21.300 And it's like, I was at the airport.

02:00:22.540 He missed your flight.

02:00:23.380 He just, coke excuses, you know?

02:00:26.340 And so he's just like, he's unreliable.

02:00:28.040 He might not show up.

02:00:29.140 It became too much.

02:00:30.980 But instead of saying, you can't come anymore.

02:00:33.600 He goes, I'll just bring a second opener.

02:00:36.040 So if you don't come, I've still got somebody.

02:00:39.480 It's, it's nuts to have an employee go.

02:00:41.560 I just don't show up a lot.

02:00:42.420 Like, I guess I'll hire two employees then.

02:00:44.760 Just firing the guy.

02:00:46.520 He was like, he's too funny.

02:00:47.640 He's got to be supportive.

02:00:48.940 It's our responsibility.

02:00:51.180 That's remarkable.

02:00:52.200 Yeah.

02:00:52.500 So I try to do that with like young comics.

02:00:54.220 It's like, you know, it doesn't, one time I was.

02:00:57.460 Wait, so when your opener gets too high to, to show up at the airport, you're okay with it?

02:01:01.940 No, I've never had a guy like that.

02:01:03.020 People are too, whatever.

02:01:03.880 But like, no, I'm like, I'll pay for your meals.

02:01:05.700 If we're out like at a diner after spots, it's like, ah, I got it.

02:01:08.820 Don't worry about it.

02:01:09.360 Cause that's what Rogan, I remember one of those.

02:01:11.680 He was like brand new to LA.

02:01:13.320 He took us all out for like the standard hotel, um, late night food.

02:01:17.540 He paid like three times in a row.

02:01:19.120 I'm brand new to LA.

02:01:19.740 This isn't normal for someone.

02:01:21.060 You get around, but not consistently get rounds.

02:01:23.880 That's weird.

02:01:24.380 And we're at Carney's where it was a chili dog place.

02:01:28.760 And I was like, let me get this one.

02:01:30.140 I was broke.

02:01:31.580 I couldn't afford the standard hotel, but the Carney's like, it's $3 each, you know?

02:01:35.800 And, um, he goes, no, no, it's okay.

02:01:37.860 I'm like, dude, dude, please let me get it.

02:01:39.440 There's also like a, a man sort of like hierarchy thing.

02:01:42.360 You can't get paying for me.

02:01:43.280 I don't know you like that.

02:01:44.720 Um, and I insisted and he goes, okay, thank you.

02:01:48.940 Appreciate that.

02:01:49.900 And then later we're walking back to the Congress.

02:01:51.840 He goes, Hey, just so you know, like, it's not a power position when I pay for you.

02:01:54.680 It's just like that standard meal for me is, is about a quarter to you.

02:01:59.700 It's about worth a one, five nickels.

02:02:02.440 Yeah.

02:02:02.860 That's why I pay for it.

02:02:03.860 It doesn't, it's, it's meaningless.

02:02:06.400 It's not for power.

02:02:07.600 I thank you for buying me Carney's, but like, that's all I have more money.

02:02:11.400 So take some, you know, like if I could just, I could just

02:02:14.020 go get coffee at your spot.

02:02:15.680 I don't have to ask.

02:02:16.960 So when Rogan got attacked, when they tried to claim he was a racist of all things, um,

02:02:21.700 Oh yeah.

02:02:22.260 It didn't seem what it had like no effect and no effect.

02:02:25.540 Also comics supported him.

02:02:27.020 I think this is what you got to do when there's, there's this like meteor of hatred coming at

02:02:30.820 anybody.

02:02:31.380 You get it plenty.

02:02:32.800 Uh, other people have gotten to play.

02:02:34.000 It's just meat is solid ball.

02:02:35.660 And for a meteor to break up, it needs to start breaking up.

02:02:38.340 And you'd get the image where it's like a piece falls off.

02:02:40.280 A piece falls off in the atmosphere.

02:02:41.600 A piece falls off.

02:02:42.380 Peace falls off.

02:02:42.820 So what support does from other people in your industry, either broadcasting or comedy 1.00

02:02:48.020 is it shoots a fucking hole through that meteor, a little hole. 0.99

02:02:50.700 And that starts to break it up a lot faster. 0.99

02:02:52.660 And if you have a few commerce ago, guys, you just don't understand comedy.

02:02:56.080 That's just a joke.

02:02:56.980 He doesn't mean that you're out of your mind.

02:02:58.240 It creates doubt in the story.

02:03:01.500 That's right.

02:03:01.980 And then it breaks up really fast. 0.99

02:03:03.440 But when there's no doubt, it's just fucking ball that, sorry, that fucking blows everything 0.98

02:03:08.140 And what happened to, look, I don't know Louis C.K., but I, I, at the height of that, I 0.99

02:03:12.960 always thought he was really talented.

02:03:14.100 So I read about it and I, you know, whatever, it was embarrassing that story, but it was

02:03:18.380 not a crime that I could tell.

02:03:20.440 How did he wind up getting destroyed for that?

02:03:23.920 It became puritanical.

02:03:24.780 I think there's something in society, like, no matter if you're big, we want you down.

02:03:29.280 I think it's because it says something about me that I'm not big.

02:03:32.480 Instead of like, let me rise up to his level.

02:03:34.800 Right.

02:03:35.160 Let me take you down. 1.00

02:03:35.920 So in comedy, it works in a few ways. 1.00

02:03:38.600 You're an evil person. 0.97

02:03:40.060 You steal jokes. 1.00

02:03:41.580 You're hacky. 1.00

02:03:42.800 You're, um, um, racist. 1.00

02:03:45.960 Roseanne, racist. 1.00

02:03:47.080 Carlos Mencia steals jokes. 0.98

02:03:48.720 Uh, Larry, the cable guy, hacky.

02:03:50.820 These are all things I don't, you know, necessarily agree with or not agree with, but this is what

02:03:53.760 they say.

02:03:54.320 Uh, this guy lied about something.

02:03:56.140 Uh, this guy did that, but they just like, either way, I don't know.

02:03:58.680 Either way, we're going to take you down.

02:03:59.800 It's not about one thing.

02:04:01.080 If it was about one thing, I'd be like, this society doesn't like that thing.

02:04:04.760 Right.

02:04:05.040 But since it's about lots of things, it's like what the common factor is you're big,

02:04:08.980 you're all big.

02:04:09.600 Let's take it down.

02:04:12.840 Um, yeah, but Roseanne, she offered like a legitimate explanation.

02:04:17.020 That lady looks white. 1.00

02:04:18.440 I saw a picture of her.

02:04:19.680 She looks like an old Jewish lady. 0.98

02:04:20.900 Yeah. 1.00

02:04:21.800 And then it's like, that's a believable fucking retort. 0.99

02:04:25.700 But it's like, we want you out of here. 0.99

02:04:27.220 Do you know her, Roseanne?

02:04:28.440 I've met her a few times.

02:04:29.440 Great person.

02:04:30.240 Yeah.

02:04:30.420 I don't know her that well, but.

02:04:31.720 Truly a cool, interesting person.

02:04:34.320 Lunatic. 0.99

02:04:35.340 Absolutely.

02:04:35.740 Yeah.

02:04:35.940 A hundred percent.

02:04:36.960 But in touch with something deep.

02:04:39.920 She's not a shallow person.

02:04:41.040 She's got a vibe on stage and it's not even jokes.

02:04:42.960 It's just a vibe.

02:04:43.740 And she just gets people on a wave. 1.00

02:04:45.000 Like it's pretty, pretty special.

02:04:47.300 But, um, yeah, I don't know.

02:04:49.160 They go after Rogan.

02:04:49.760 They go after Louis.

02:04:50.480 I think it was that.

02:04:51.380 I think because what they were going after her for was puritanical.

02:04:54.300 Oh yeah.

02:04:55.300 It was, you're not doing sex the way we do.

02:04:57.620 But I mean, when I was in college, I started bringing up verbal consent and it was, it was

02:05:03.880 brought up by virgins who had never really experienced sex.

02:05:09.160 If you ask any normal woman, how they feel, if a guy's like, may I kiss you? 1.00

02:05:15.400 And they say, okay, yes.

02:05:16.960 May I touch your breast? 0.95

02:05:18.860 Like, dude, we're done here. 0.99

02:05:20.560 Yeah. 0.99

02:05:20.720 Cause you're weak. 0.95

02:05:21.900 Yeah. 0.96

02:05:22.100 You're weak.

02:05:22.960 Go for it.

02:05:23.740 And I'll say, no, that's how, you know, it's not like you're not holding them down.

02:05:28.060 You're just like, it's like, uh, I'm like, okay.

02:05:30.200 I mean, I've gone in for a kiss, but like, no, no, I don't see you like that.

02:05:32.460 I'm like, okay.

02:05:32.840 It's embarrassing.

02:05:33.840 Yeah.

02:05:34.080 I'm not going to do it again.

02:05:35.060 I feel shamed.

02:05:36.560 They try to like, that's okay.

02:05:37.700 I'm like, when was the last time that happened to you?

02:05:40.560 Um, yeah.

02:05:42.140 Uh, a long time ago.

02:05:43.600 Good.

02:05:44.040 Yeah.

02:05:44.200 Just checking.

02:05:44.720 Yeah.

02:05:45.120 Yeah.

02:05:45.480 A long time ago.

02:05:47.060 Um, yeah.

02:05:49.600 And it's like, but we were like, that doesn't work in real life.

02:05:52.020 Verbal consent.

02:05:52.900 And he got verbal consent.

02:05:57.740 May I do this?

02:05:59.260 Yes, you may.

02:06:00.800 Okay.

02:06:01.240 I'm going to do it.

02:06:02.940 Okay. 1.00

02:06:04.000 Fuck you. 1.00

02:06:04.760 No, it's, it's, and they actually took him out and they, yeah, they did. 1.00

02:06:10.880 And, and cause then people were like, well, I can't, I think that, so the friends of his

02:06:15.000 were like, no, we'll defend him.

02:06:15.940 Other people were like, you're putting me in a moral weird spot to, you're saying he's

02:06:22.040 this evil guy.

02:06:22.840 And if you defend evil and you're out, I mean, Norm MacDonald saying, Hey, I don't think, I

02:06:27.080 don't think Roseanne meant that.

02:06:28.700 And they go, well, now you're off at tonight's show tonight.

02:06:32.060 And he goes, I'm not excusing it.

02:06:33.620 I'm saying it wasn't the right person. 0.98

02:06:36.540 If, if somebody goes to me, like, uh, fuck Seth Rogan, he's anti-trans and he's, his, his 0.98

02:06:41.380 podcast only has this. 0.99

02:06:42.500 I'm like, Oh, I think you mean Joe Rogan. 1.00

02:06:44.100 They're like, fuck you. 1.00

02:06:44.800 Don't tell me what to think. 1.00

02:06:46.920 You know what I mean?

02:06:47.940 And it's like, you can't even argue with the, you're getting the wrong, you're at the

02:06:51.340 wrong door.

02:06:52.360 You're at the wrong door.

02:06:53.600 That's what happened to what's her name? 1.00

02:06:54.640 That black chick got shot through the fucking wall. 1.00

02:06:56.380 They went to the wrong house. 1.00

02:06:58.700 What's her name?

02:07:00.200 Oh, they had, say her name, say her name, say her name.

02:07:02.460 I never did say her name though.

02:07:03.740 So I can't remember.

02:07:04.620 Yeah. 1.00

02:07:04.700 Damn. 1.00

02:07:05.060 Wow. 0.99

02:07:05.900 It shows you what kind of person I am, but it's like, they're going to the wrong house

02:07:09.320 and you're like, you're at the wrong house.

02:07:10.200 Like, don't you tell me you're an evil person.

02:07:12.700 So they made people feel weird about even defending Louie, but it was like, what are you talking

02:07:16.840 about?

02:07:17.800 It's crazy.

02:07:19.100 Yeah, whatever.

02:07:19.760 But it's also when you just take a step back from it, it's, it's all comical.

02:07:23.540 If you don't take any personal, like I know that guy it's.

02:07:26.300 So here's the game I play.

02:07:28.700 It's called defend them.

02:07:29.820 That's what I was going to tell you.

02:07:30.720 And it doesn't work with full rapists.

02:07:32.700 Okay.

02:07:32.960 But anyone else, imagine they were your friend and you had to explain to people, Louie's

02:07:38.420 a good example of why someone's not wrong.

02:07:42.200 There was a comedian in, uh, in the UK where at the Edinburgh festival and he was doing a,

02:07:45.780 it was called, uh, when heresy met Sally, this guy, Finn Taylor, he's, he's a great comic.

02:07:50.180 And he takes these long, he goes at one year, he did a Whitey McWhitersen was this, was 0.71

02:07:54.960 this hour.

02:07:55.480 It was all about just white people and the culture. 0.71

02:07:58.240 And he takes every side, South Park style, every side.

02:08:01.060 And when heresy met Sally, he had some great lines in there. 0.98

02:08:03.460 He goes, men are the only ones that rape ourselves. 1.00

02:08:05.560 He goes, women, you ever have sex with a guy? 1.00

02:08:06.920 And then it gets weird the next day. 0.90

02:08:07.900 He goes, he didn't want to have sex. 1.00

02:08:09.560 You raped him. 1.00

02:08:10.440 You talked him into it. 0.99

02:08:11.440 Um, and he did this thing about Louie and he goes, he asked him some, some women, if

02:08:16.060 he could do that.

02:08:16.680 And they said no.

02:08:17.200 And I guess he did it anyway.

02:08:18.460 And I saw him afterwards like, Hey, great special.

02:08:20.720 Same thing as the other one.

02:08:21.940 But like, just so you know, that's not the facts are wrong.

02:08:24.440 Do what you want.

02:08:25.100 Just like that rabbi told me, but like they did say yes. 1.00

02:08:27.760 He goes, oh shit. 0.99

02:08:28.860 And to his credit, he changed it. 1.00

02:08:30.720 She changed it.

02:08:31.260 He was like, I don't want to get it wrong.

02:08:32.420 So he changed it.

02:08:33.640 Made it still a funny joke, but like, let me get the facts right.

02:08:36.420 Definitely.

02:08:37.620 Um, so anyway. 1.00

02:08:40.500 Anyway, we're all, wait, fuck. 0.99

02:08:43.780 I haven't smoked weed today at all. 1.00

02:08:46.160 Yeah, I know.

02:08:48.160 It's this place.

02:08:49.960 Wait, let me just ask you who you, you know, Louis CK, but are there people you would defend

02:08:55.160 who you don't know?

02:08:55.680 Yeah.

02:08:55.800 Okay.

02:08:56.060 So that's the game.

02:08:56.680 Thank you.

02:08:57.160 It's defend them.

02:08:57.920 So act as if they're your friend and say what happened.

02:09:01.380 So with Louis, it's like, he asked someone for two girls come back to your hotel room, 0.99

02:09:07.020 which by the way, always implies women aren't idiots. 1.00

02:09:10.500 You know what they want. 1.00

02:09:11.980 At least, you know what they want.

02:09:13.940 No victim blaming.

02:09:14.940 But if I walk out with a hundred dollars, but there are no surprises.

02:09:18.140 If you could, right.

02:09:18.860 This is, you know what this is probably.

02:09:20.940 Exactly.

02:09:21.280 So you could be like, let's meet downstairs.

02:09:22.780 If you don't want that.

02:09:25.100 Okay.

02:09:25.580 So you're at least putting a guy in a weird position.

02:09:27.640 If I walk out with a hundred dollar bill in the get an Avenue D in New York and I get

02:09:31.660 robbed, I shouldn't get robbed.

02:09:33.680 But also like, right.

02:09:35.880 Don't do that.

02:09:36.980 You know?

02:09:38.280 So anyway, if you defend him, it's like he asked for verbal consent and got it.

02:09:42.500 And they go, well, as high powered manager, try to shut these girls up or this is a defend 1.00

02:09:47.540 them game or his friend, his manager slash his friend was saying, Hey, can you shut the 1.00

02:09:52.880 fuck up? 1.00

02:09:53.220 He's married. 1.00

02:09:54.000 Yeah. 1.00

02:09:54.200 Can you shut the fuck up? 1.00

02:09:55.100 And not he's silencing them, but just like, Hey, quit saying this shit about my, my fucking 1.00

02:09:59.840 friend. 1.00

02:10:00.460 Use your head.

02:10:01.300 He's married. 1.00

02:10:03.180 That's not the same as like trying to silence a fucking female voice. 1.00

02:10:07.020 And Janine said this on a podcast. 0.99

02:10:08.740 She goes, we all thought it was funny when it happened. 0.99

02:10:10.720 We all thought it was like, what a dork he is. 0.99

02:10:13.180 Yes. 0.99

02:10:13.580 Which is great.

02:10:14.520 Yes. 1.00

02:10:14.800 A guy who jerks off in his stomach should be mocked. 1.00

02:10:17.220 Of course. 1.00

02:10:17.900 But should continue to work.

02:10:20.240 Anyway.

02:10:20.740 So defend them.

02:10:21.480 John Gruden.

02:10:22.420 Remember that?

02:10:23.160 No.

02:10:23.560 He's a, he was a coach for the Tampa Bay Bucks.

02:10:26.360 Yeah.

02:10:26.680 It's a sports team.

02:10:27.500 I know you're not into that.

02:10:29.260 I've heard of him.

02:10:30.040 Okay.

02:10:30.480 He's just a coach for the Raiders.

02:10:31.860 And in the interim, he worked for ESPN and he was talking to the owner of the Redskins

02:10:36.480 online, his buddy, he was friends with him and they were shitting on Roger Goodell, the

02:10:43.300 commissioner of the league. 0.90

02:10:44.200 Good for them. 0.99

02:10:44.800 And he called them the F word for gays. 0.98

02:10:47.020 Yeah. 0.99

02:10:47.440 He goes, I said, whatever.

02:10:48.820 And they were like, you said this.

02:10:50.120 And it was in leaked emails and an investigation into Daniel Snyder, the owner of the Redskins.

02:10:53.560 The owner of the Redskins.

02:10:54.900 And they leaked this stuff on purpose.

02:10:57.580 And they go, what's that?

02:10:58.720 He said, I go, okay. 1.00

02:10:59.840 It's either a homophobic slur or it's an employee privately with another employee talking shit 0.99

02:11:06.820 about their boss. 0.99

02:11:08.300 Who's by the way, hetero.

02:11:10.540 So to call it.

02:11:11.020 Is he, is that confirmed?

02:11:12.520 I don't know. 1.00

02:11:14.100 He's more hetero than fucking Tim Dillon. 1.00

02:11:17.340 But so it's just a guy talking shit about their boss privately. 1.00

02:11:20.980 That doesn't sound nearly as bad. 0.98

02:11:23.020 Defend them.

02:11:23.520 Play the defend them game.

02:11:24.420 And you'll realize, oh, actually people are not these evil monsters that you think.

02:11:27.440 I love that.

02:11:28.300 Yeah.

02:11:28.480 Do you have forbidden figures in there too?

02:11:29.840 It's only people you know.

02:11:31.280 Oh, so you research it.

02:11:32.740 It's almost like a parlor game at a party.

02:11:34.760 Who do you play this with?

02:11:35.680 You could do it at a house party, but people like don't want to be the one defending, especially

02:11:39.180 liberals, or actually the other way.

02:11:41.280 Yeah.

02:11:41.560 If it's like super Republicans.

02:11:43.060 Yeah.

02:11:43.340 Most of us are in the middle somewhere.

02:11:44.640 80% of us are in the middle somewhere. 0.98

02:11:46.060 And the fucking vocal parts of each side are way, way out there. 0.99

02:11:50.760 It's like Islam. 1.00

02:11:51.440 It's like the fucking, the ones you're running in are the fucking bomb makers. 1.00

02:11:55.200 Yeah. 1.00

02:11:55.400 The most of them are just like, you're supposed to love your wife.

02:11:57.560 Yeah, exactly.

02:11:59.800 So they don't like it. 0.99

02:12:00.940 If you pull fucking AOC out, you know, about something and you're a fucking hardcore Republican, 0.99

02:12:06.440 you're like, ah, you got a defender. 0.99

02:12:08.420 Defender.

02:12:09.180 And you're like, all right, let me look into this.

02:12:11.200 And it's kind of debate club. 0.99

02:12:12.600 And you realize no one's a fucking monster. 0.99

02:12:15.160 The monsters are gone. 0.99

02:12:16.120 Again, doesn't work with credible accusations of rape.

02:12:18.740 So your talented study is coming in handy through lifelong.

02:12:21.000 Like you're looking at all sides of the question.

02:12:23.100 It's a fun game at a party.

02:12:24.720 You put a few people's names in a hat and you pick one out and you go, go.

02:12:29.020 Have you ever defended someone you don't like?

02:12:30.580 Yeah, all the time. 0.99

02:12:31.300 And you realize, oh shit, if that was my friend, I would see the good in him. 0.99

02:12:34.480 That's not the case. 0.99

02:12:36.260 Or this story was wrong.

02:12:37.340 Where they left out a certain part of the story to get their way.

02:12:40.100 You know, the cops in the Rodney King beating.

02:12:43.680 You know that?

02:12:44.180 How they cut out the first seven minutes?

02:12:45.560 Of course.

02:12:46.040 And it's like, doesn't excuse beating someone much, but it does somewhat excuse.

02:12:50.820 It does explain it better.

02:12:51.960 Exactly.

02:12:52.320 When he's fighting to a standstill with three cops, by the way, if you punch a cop, they're

02:12:56.820 going to punch you back. 0.96

02:12:57.740 You think? 0.98

02:12:58.340 They're going to go hard.

02:12:59.420 Yeah.

02:12:59.700 That's the deal.

02:13:00.560 And he's fighting to a standstill with three of them and they come in like, you don't do 0.99

02:13:03.760 that to our fucking friends. 0.99

02:13:04.760 But if you start with seven cops beating a guy, like he's defenseless. 0.99

02:13:09.280 You're like, well, yeah, you're not seeing the whole story. 1.00

02:13:11.220 If I call you a piece of shit and then we cut to you walking alone, it looks like you're 1.00

02:13:17.620 walking sad alone because I called you a piece of shit. 1.00

02:13:20.480 But that's not the real story. 1.00

02:13:22.280 You know, we're having a good time.

02:13:23.660 Exactly.

02:13:25.720 So anyway, defend him.

02:13:26.900 It's a fun game.

02:13:28.060 I'm going to play tonight.

02:13:29.180 Yeah.

02:13:29.420 Try it.

02:13:30.260 Again, it does not work with rapids.

02:13:31.960 Actually, you know what I'm going to do?

02:13:32.540 I'm going to defend you.

02:13:33.580 Okay.

02:13:34.140 Yeah.

02:13:34.360 All right.

02:13:34.940 Yeah.

02:13:35.080 He's a good guy.

02:13:35.900 Yeah.

02:13:36.240 All right, Shafir.

02:13:36.720 Thank you.

02:13:37.420 Buddy, it was great to meet you.

02:13:38.320 It really was.

02:13:38.900 It was awesome.

02:13:39.440 It was great to meet you.

02:13:39.920 Thank you.

02:13:40.280 Yeah.

02:13:40.760 You know, I did not tell my mom I was coming to meet you.

02:13:42.660 Why?

02:13:42.820 She's not a fan.

02:13:43.460 She's a fan.

02:13:44.880 It's all these people.

02:13:46.040 And I'm like, he was an anti-war guy at Fox News who followed the dead.

02:13:50.880 He's not.

02:13:51.960 How is he that guy that you think he is?

02:13:53.660 Well, you can't be anti-war. 0.69

02:13:54.600 That means you're a fascist.

02:13:56.200 It's racist to be anti-war. 0.97

02:13:57.080 I thought you were going to go different with the FAA.

02:13:59.380 With the what?

02:14:00.040 With the FAA.

02:14:00.660 You started saying fascist, I thought you were going to say something else.

02:14:02.480 No, no, no, no.

02:14:03.760 Because I learned you can't even call Roger Goodell that.

02:14:06.400 Yeah, exactly.

02:14:08.020 So I wonder.

02:14:09.460 Buddy, it was great to meet you.

02:14:10.420 I want you to do my travel podcast.

02:14:11.980 Done?

02:14:12.360 I know you've been places.

02:14:13.060 You have a travel podcast?

02:14:13.940 Yeah.

02:14:14.320 It's called You Be Trippin'.

02:14:15.940 It's just about a place.

02:14:16.940 No politics.

02:14:18.060 Man, there's one thing I've done a lot of is travel.

02:14:19.920 Yeah.

02:14:20.660 Yeah.

02:14:21.180 And I think it's the most educational thing you can do.

02:14:23.940 Yeah.

02:14:24.440 I really believe that.

02:14:25.340 I don't know why more people don't do it.

02:14:26.940 Oh, it's so great.

02:14:27.460 I feel like our rich people in this country, I am one, but they don't travel right.

02:14:31.520 Yeah.

02:14:32.120 Like they go, they kind of recreate their own lives with better service in a foreign 0.89

02:14:37.140 country.

02:14:37.500 But the whole point of travel is to learn how other people live.

02:14:40.360 Yeah.

02:14:40.660 Read the local newspaper if you-

02:14:41.800 A hundred percent.

02:14:42.480 Yeah.

02:14:43.340 Instead of how do I get the New York Times here?

02:14:44.820 Good.

02:14:45.020 Call me.

02:14:45.280 I'd do it.

02:14:46.040 Okay.

02:14:46.580 Perfect.

02:14:47.100 Okay.

02:14:47.440 You ever in New York?

02:14:48.820 No, I don't go to New York.

02:14:49.520 Okay.

02:14:50.000 Well, or whatever.

02:14:51.080 Let's do it.

02:14:51.700 All right.

02:14:52.100 Okay.

02:14:52.640 Thanks, man.

02:14:53.160 Thanks, buddy.

02:14:55.500 Thanks for listening to the Tucker Carlson Show.

02:14:57.240 If you enjoyed it, you can go to tuckercarlson.com to see everything that we have made.

02:15:02.000 The complete library.

02:15:04.160 Tuckercarlson.com.

The Tucker Carlson Show - July 09, 2024

Ari Shaffir： Growing Up Orthodox, How Joe Rogan Saved Comedy, and the Infamous Kobe Bryant Joke

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