The Tucker Carlson Show - Ari Shaffir： Growing Up Orthodox, How Joe Rogan Saved Comedy, and the Infamous Kobe Bryant Joke

00:00:00.000 Don't you also think though that, at least I feel this way, you can feel whether someone's

00:00:07.380 speaking from affection or dislike, like it's just like non-verbally, I'd know if you hate

00:00:13.040 me.

00:00:13.460 Yeah.

00:00:13.780 You know what I mean?

00:00:14.420 Yeah.

00:00:15.060 That word Jew is a great one.

00:00:16.840 It's Jew or hard J Jew.

00:00:19.020 Then it's like.

00:00:19.360 So the special was called Jew?

00:00:20.820 Uh-huh.

00:00:21.680 Yeah.

00:00:22.460 Did you get any complaints about that?

00:00:24.780 No, it came right after all that Kanye stuff too.

00:00:26.920 So I was a little worried they were going to be like hard line on antisemitism and just

00:00:30.980 pull everything down.

00:00:32.680 So you didn't worry about.

00:00:34.680 I worried about a little bit.

00:00:35.980 What?

00:00:36.180 A special called Jew?

00:00:37.340 Yeah.

00:00:37.600 I worried about a little bit, but, but I tested it.

00:00:40.840 I tested it everywhere.

00:00:42.100 I tested it.

00:00:43.140 It was a five year process of like going to places where there's lots of Jews going to

00:00:47.340 place with Perth.

00:00:48.580 They were like, I don't even know what you're talking about.

00:00:51.200 Iceland.

00:00:51.760 They're like, what?

00:00:52.660 What's it?

00:00:53.060 I've heard of a Jew.

00:00:54.140 Was the Jewish community in Iceland outraged?

00:00:56.100 Both of them.

00:00:57.060 Yeah.

00:00:58.980 Yeah.

00:01:07.980 Welcome to Tucker Carlson show.

00:01:09.340 It's become pretty clear that the mainstream media are dying.

00:01:12.220 They can't die quickly enough.

00:01:13.560 And there's a reason they're dying because they lie.

00:01:16.160 They lied so much.

00:01:17.680 It killed them.

00:01:18.860 We're not doing that.

00:01:19.860 Tucker Carlson.com.

00:01:20.760 We promise to bring you the most honest content, the most honest interviews we can without fear

00:01:25.900 or favor.

00:01:27.200 Here's the latest.

00:01:29.320 Somebody told me yesterday that you're, you lead the field among standups for death threats.

00:01:34.500 Yeah.

00:01:34.900 I was the first one to get them.

00:01:36.560 Why?

00:01:36.960 Um, I had this, uh, when I was, yeah, I don't know.

00:01:44.040 What do you mean?

00:01:45.140 You don't know.

00:01:45.900 I mean, I don't know exactly.

00:01:47.060 So I had this, uh, when I was starting in, in, uh, national impoons was doing this like

00:01:51.440 fake, fake, um, reality show pitches.

00:01:55.880 It was like, uh, the idea was they went up, it was all faked, but they all found a box

00:02:00.600 of pitches for a reality show up in like the offices of NBC or something, but the craziest

00:02:05.680 pitches possible.

00:02:06.860 One was like, I can throw up on command.

00:02:09.020 Another was like, I'd watch that.

00:02:10.700 Yeah.

00:02:10.980 Yeah.

00:02:11.340 And it was just a guy who drank apicac and just like barfed everywhere.

00:02:13.740 And mine was called the amazing racist, um, off the amazing race.

00:02:19.000 And it was just like a super overboard, right?

00:02:21.560 They came to me with the idea and I was like, that's funny, but let's like really go for

00:02:25.040 it.

00:02:25.160 If we're going to go for it.

00:02:25.960 No, but that was the thing.

00:02:26.680 I've seen that.

00:02:27.520 Oh, you have?

00:02:28.520 You're amazing racist.

00:02:29.700 Yeah.

00:02:30.220 Going to the black convenience store in a clan outfit.

00:02:32.000 Yeah.

00:02:33.920 So either you get it or you don't.

00:02:35.340 If you're mad, I can see why you get mad, but also like.

00:02:38.140 But why?

00:02:39.340 I mean, that's so over the top that of course you're joking.

00:02:42.180 If I'm throwing oranges, wait, at a Mexican yelling, go back to Africa that you can't

00:02:48.480 see maybe, or like, wait, but you're Jewish.

00:02:50.280 I'm like, right.

00:02:51.520 So if I'm wearing a clan outfit and I'm a comedian as a Jew wearing a clan outfit, probably

00:02:57.660 not in the clan, probably not in the clan.

00:02:59.360 You see, it's ridiculous.

00:03:02.300 Anyway.

00:03:02.820 So my buddy Duncan Trussell, who's a great comic and hilarious and weird, he, um, early

00:03:07.820 websites, he built a website saying, if you prank my friend, Ari Shafir, uh,

00:03:12.620 send him a prank call, um, record it.

00:03:15.460 I'll give you 20 bucks for the best one.

00:03:16.940 This was before all that stuff came out.

00:03:18.200 So the National Lampoon's DVD came out and then somebody ripped it to the internet.

00:03:21.120 So pretty early YouTube was like this without context of National Lampoon's, just me going,

00:03:26.220 hi, I'm Ari Shafir.

00:03:27.300 I'm not the amazing racist.

00:03:28.480 Let me do this horrible thing right now.

00:03:30.480 Um, anyway, so people like saw it, Googled my name.

00:03:33.480 The first thing that came up was Duncan, before you even click on the, you know, the Google

00:03:37.080 search, it just says Ari Shafir phone number.

00:03:39.900 So that was it your actual phone number?

00:03:41.360 Yeah.

00:03:42.000 Yeah.

00:03:42.680 So the, but it was pre-doxing.

00:03:44.540 It was before any of that, you know, before America got dangerous.

00:03:47.640 Yeah.

00:03:48.520 So I would just start getting phone calls.

00:03:50.400 It was great.

00:03:51.120 Like what?

00:03:51.940 Oh, I'll fucking kill you.

00:03:53.400 You think you're so funny.

00:03:54.780 One of them was, I picked up a bunch of Latinos, Mexicans saying, I want you to fix my deck

00:03:59.760 and then drove them to the INS building.

00:04:02.700 And started yelling La Migra and they ran out.

00:04:05.680 Whatever, whatever.

00:04:06.400 It was funny.

00:04:07.000 Nobody was hurt in the making of it.

00:04:08.980 But people took it seriously.

00:04:10.160 People took it seriously.

00:04:10.900 My favorite one was, I'll build a deck in your ass, Holmes.

00:04:13.120 I would just get calls all the time.

00:04:17.600 I had to put my ringer on mute.

00:04:18.720 But do you think, I mean.

00:04:20.260 They weren't serious though.

00:04:21.580 None of them were real.

00:04:22.820 So when now, when people go, I've been threatened.

00:04:25.020 I'm like, shut up.

00:04:25.860 This isn't a real thing.

00:04:27.300 I've been getting it for 20 years.

00:04:28.820 But do you think anybody was actually offended?

00:04:31.060 It's instructive.

00:04:33.920 Because I got, I would get a few like messages, Facebook back then or MySpace even.

00:04:38.340 And it was like, fuck you.

00:04:40.460 You're a piece of shit.

00:04:41.280 I'm Mexican.

00:04:41.940 How dare you?

00:04:43.000 And then I'd like write back.

00:04:44.160 Like, you know, it's just a joke.

00:04:45.200 I actually paid all those guys 50 bucks and took them back to where they were working.

00:04:49.160 Like nothing actually happened.

00:04:52.300 And I drove them to a library.

00:04:54.000 Wasn't even like, you know, it just looked like the INS building.

00:04:58.780 And then they would respond like, oh, okay.

00:05:00.760 I actually did think it was funny.

00:05:02.080 I laughed when I saw it.

00:05:03.380 I'm like, so we went from laughing when you saw it to threatening me because you're supposed to.

00:05:08.620 And that is what it is, right?

00:05:09.820 People feel this like moral obligation to be mad about certain things.

00:05:12.840 But your real reaction is you were laughing.

00:05:15.480 So do you ever get people walking out of your shows?

00:05:17.500 Yeah, all the time.

00:05:18.900 All the time.

00:05:19.320 Why do you think they do that?

00:05:20.360 Number of reasons.

00:05:21.200 Too dirty is the main.

00:05:22.800 I don't want to hear about sex.

00:05:24.760 You know, so that's an okay one.

00:05:26.420 It used to be the dirty comics were like, it's cheap, you're dirty.

00:05:30.160 Oh, you talk about blowjobs.

00:05:31.580 And it was like, okay, fine.

00:05:33.220 And so then the clean comics were like, I'm a well-written comedian.

00:05:35.500 I can do, you know, whatever.

00:05:39.140 And they would just look down on us.

00:05:40.500 But it wasn't a moral thing.

00:05:42.480 Now it's a moral thing.

00:05:44.080 They put them on a moral high ground.

00:05:45.840 They put these people on moral low ground.

00:05:47.480 So like you're kind of evil for doing it.

00:05:49.520 Not just like cheap or easy.

00:05:52.060 You're wrong.

00:05:53.300 You are wrong.

00:05:54.420 You're immoral.

00:05:55.100 Yeah.

00:05:55.340 But it's the same thing.

00:05:57.540 So sex is one.

00:05:58.880 Sex is one.

00:06:00.700 I mean, I remember I had a, at the comedy cellar, I'll help people walk out all the time.

00:06:05.220 The door guys laugh about it.

00:06:06.760 They're like, every time somebody leaves crying, it's you.

00:06:09.360 They walk out past me literally crying.

00:06:11.860 And it's always a drunk white woman.

00:06:13.920 I mean.

00:06:14.600 It is honest.

00:06:15.760 That's who yells at me.

00:06:17.080 What is that?

00:06:18.920 They, well, one, they suck.

00:06:21.560 Why do you think?

00:06:22.200 They've never had any problems.

00:06:23.940 So they have the slightest problem.

00:06:25.500 Like, this is the worst.

00:06:27.060 You ever see rich people?

00:06:28.100 They're like, they're like, my flight was delayed.

00:06:30.140 I was like, shut up.

00:06:31.120 You sat in first class and your flight was delayed an hour and you're bitching.

00:06:34.700 Shut up.

00:06:36.060 So you think it's just like any inconvenience?

00:06:38.260 They've never.

00:06:38.700 Right.

00:06:39.020 So this is the worst case scenario is a slight inconvenience.

00:06:42.320 I had to hear something I didn't like to hear.

00:06:43.580 But in a functioning society, you like, you have a man at home to calm you down.

00:06:46.760 Maybe that's part of the problem.

00:06:47.920 Well, you, yeah.

00:06:48.740 You, so you see it at the shows, the man that's with them.

00:06:51.980 Sometimes it's either like quiet or they're, they're just like, like, you could see them

00:06:56.840 resigned to like, you deal with it, bro.

00:06:58.880 I'm not going to fuck you.

00:06:59.940 I got to live with it.

00:07:00.700 So if I tell her to shut up, I got to, this is a month of pain.

00:07:02.860 Do they heckle you?

00:07:04.200 Yeah.

00:07:04.540 They'll be mad.

00:07:05.420 So I had a lady walking outside like maybe a year ago.

00:07:09.620 And I remember like, oh, this lady got really mad.

00:07:11.080 I didn't notice it, but she was really mad.

00:07:13.360 Um, and I was like, which joke was it Holocaust stuff?

00:07:18.940 Was it down syndrome stuff?

00:07:20.360 Was it the war in Gaza stuff?

00:07:22.020 Like it could have been any one thing.

00:07:23.520 And, and it's not all of them.

00:07:24.940 It's the only thing that you feel personally, like this is the line is the one that walk out

00:07:30.380 on.

00:07:30.580 And I, I didn't think anything of it.

00:07:32.140 And then I was hanging out, had a drink up there.

00:07:34.200 And then I left like 30 minutes later.

00:07:36.180 This is always the fun.

00:07:36.860 They want to tell you that they were right.

00:07:39.100 And I'm walking out and I passed by some woman.

00:07:41.640 She goes, you're a piece of shit.

00:07:44.380 Which I've gotten that.

00:07:46.600 What did you say?

00:07:47.400 The lady.

00:07:48.100 I just started laughing at her face and walked away.

00:07:51.040 I'm not going to give her an argument.

00:07:52.280 So she stayed to tell you that?

00:07:54.200 Yeah.

00:07:54.420 Yeah.

00:07:54.500 Yeah.

00:07:54.700 It's funny when they leave and then stay.

00:07:57.040 It's, it's, it used to be just write a shitty Yelp review if you didn't get the service

00:08:01.660 you wanted.

00:08:02.160 And how did she respond when you laughed at her?

00:08:03.740 They can't understand it.

00:08:05.320 They're like, no, you should be mad.

00:08:07.040 I'm like, I'm not combating you.

00:08:08.760 I was just making jokes.

00:08:10.020 Everybody else is laughing.

00:08:10.960 I'm just doing this for everyone for the joy.

00:08:12.680 But it's also funny when you walk out angry, we're all laughing at you for not getting

00:08:17.880 it.

00:08:18.300 And it's not, you never rise to the bait.

00:08:20.560 I have before.

00:08:21.960 Yeah.

00:08:22.460 But it's never a good idea.

00:08:25.020 No, it's not a good idea.

00:08:25.980 Yeah.

00:08:26.300 It's, and it's also, it's just fun to toy with them, you know, to be like, I think you're

00:08:32.320 right.

00:08:32.540 And I will learn from this.

00:08:34.400 It's just fun to fuck with them sometimes.

00:08:36.660 Has it gotten better or worse?

00:08:37.980 It feels like people are freer to say what they think all of a sudden.

00:08:41.420 Yeah.

00:08:41.820 You know, internet, everyone feels they have their 40 followers.

00:08:44.760 So like they're a celebrity.

00:08:46.180 No, but I mean, it feels like the strike zone is wider than it was two years ago.

00:08:50.200 What do you mean strike zone?

00:08:51.580 I mean, you're allowed to say more things or there are fewer umpires or they're just.

00:08:56.960 We're allowed to say more things.

00:08:58.060 Yeah.

00:08:58.200 Are the angry people allowed to say more things?

00:08:59.520 Everybody's allowed to say more things.

00:09:00.560 Yeah.

00:09:00.580 Right.

00:09:01.820 I feel like there for a while, there are only like four things you were allowed to say.

00:09:05.600 And now I hear people giving opinions.

00:09:08.600 Gen Z is way better than millennials.

00:09:10.620 Why?

00:09:11.200 Gen Z.

00:09:11.740 Gen Z.

00:09:12.860 Okay.

00:09:13.340 So you ski or snowboard?

00:09:15.200 Yeah.

00:09:15.800 Which one?

00:09:16.320 Ski.

00:09:17.380 Nice.

00:09:18.940 Well, obviously I don't snowboard.

00:09:20.220 I mean, come on now.

00:09:21.000 Yeah.

00:09:21.240 Well, so I was a skier in what late eighties snowboard started mid eighties.

00:09:26.900 Yeah.

00:09:27.040 Yeah.

00:09:27.100 Yeah.

00:09:27.960 And everyone's like, I'm not skiing.

00:09:29.960 That's my fucking dad.

00:09:31.340 I'm a snowboarder.

00:09:32.260 It's cool.

00:09:32.800 And then a generation passed and now the kids are like, I'm not snowboarding.

00:09:36.800 That's for my father.

00:09:37.880 Yeah.

00:09:38.480 So they go the opposite way.

00:09:39.680 I just, I stayed true to skiing and it never changed.

00:09:42.420 Yeah.

00:09:42.540 Always.

00:09:43.020 You still ski?

00:09:43.640 Yeah.

00:09:44.260 Yeah.

00:09:44.680 All mountains should be no snowboard mountains.

00:09:46.380 I completely agree.

00:09:47.280 I think there's only one in the United States.

00:09:48.540 They're jumping out of the fucking Alta.

00:09:51.120 Deer Valley too.

00:09:51.960 Deer Valley.

00:09:52.420 Yeah.

00:09:53.240 Yeah.

00:09:54.260 Icon's got it right.

00:09:54.980 And they wreck the snow.

00:09:56.060 They wreck the snow.

00:09:56.960 They slide down.

00:09:57.980 It's a mobile city after they get done with it.

00:09:59.960 And they take out old people, which I will be soon.

00:10:02.040 Oh, they jump out of the trees.

00:10:02.980 Oh, I know.

00:10:03.400 They have a spotter.

00:10:04.380 I know.

00:10:04.640 Just have a fucking spotter.

00:10:05.580 And they're too high, actually.

00:10:07.320 Well.

00:10:07.920 A little high is fine, but they're way too high.

00:10:09.760 I mean, I've seen snowboard.

00:10:10.760 I fell off a lift.

00:10:11.760 You fell off a lift?

00:10:12.740 I was too high and drunk.

00:10:13.260 I was trying to get on.

00:10:14.200 You know the thing where you put your skis under you?

00:10:15.780 So I was like, I saw some cool, like people do, oh, let me do that.

00:10:18.720 And I was trying to do it.

00:10:19.460 But then I started getting pushed, you know, by the, and I'm like trying to do it.

00:10:22.420 And then I was just down.

00:10:23.820 That hurts.

00:10:25.500 Yeah.

00:10:25.900 Your bindings don't release when you fall off a ski lift.

00:10:27.920 Yeah.

00:10:28.620 It was on the floor though.

00:10:29.940 And so I was pumping my head up.

00:10:31.460 Some old man just shoved my head back down because it was going to chop it off.

00:10:35.160 So you think people in their twenties are better than people in their thirties?

00:10:37.380 Yeah.

00:10:37.600 So anyway, these people in the Gen Zers looked at the millennials, their aunts and their fucking

00:10:42.900 whatever, and they're like, you guys are angry and we don't want to be like you.

00:10:46.680 And they understand, at least for standup comedy, like we know they're not serious.

00:10:50.120 You guys didn't know they weren't serious.

00:10:52.200 We know they're not serious.

00:10:53.900 So when they say, I don't know, let's bring slavery back.

00:10:57.980 Let's give it another chance.

00:10:58.840 We know you're, you're being ridiculous.

00:11:00.600 We know it's Jonathan Swift.

00:11:01.920 It's, it's, it's fine.

00:11:03.700 So then they're like, well, now we can laugh.

00:11:05.660 You don't mean that.

00:11:06.420 Are you ever offended by anything?

00:11:08.780 I mean, do you have a red line?

00:11:10.080 Well, I wouldn't like try to silence it, but some stuff is like, no, I just mean, is anything

00:11:17.040 personally offensive to you?

00:11:20.020 Have you ever heard a joke where you're like, ah, I'm not into it.

00:11:22.700 Yeah.

00:11:22.860 There's certain times if I, like, if I just heard my dad speak about the Holocaust and

00:11:27.240 I hear it, a Holocaust joke, I'm like, just not in the mood.

00:11:29.460 Yeah.

00:11:30.280 But there are other times you're, you're, but also I'll just quietly leave.

00:11:34.080 Or if it's like political jokes, I'm like, I don't, I don't get the references here.

00:11:40.100 Right.

00:11:40.600 I just don't follow it.

00:11:41.560 Yeah.

00:11:41.680 I noticed that at breakfast this morning, you're not covering, following politics.

00:11:45.040 I'm like, is that a good guy?

00:11:45.860 But how are you going to deal with, I mean, there are some political stories that are sort

00:11:49.640 of unavoidable, like the current one with Biden.

00:11:53.160 Like, how are you, like, what do you make of that?

00:11:55.320 Like the.

00:11:56.120 Like his physical condition, his mental condition.

00:11:58.360 I just hear people talking.

00:12:00.300 Oh, you haven't seen any of it?

00:12:01.460 It's a little, like from, from people referencing on standup comedy clips, like Shane had one

00:12:07.700 where he's like talking about how he left the stage real slow.

00:12:09.920 And he was talking about like, I've done that drunk, having to like sidestep.

00:12:12.760 Oh, but you haven't seen any of the video.

00:12:14.680 It's uninteresting.

00:12:15.920 Do you live in this country?

00:12:17.480 Yeah.

00:12:17.800 How do you avoid that?

00:12:19.180 I do not.

00:12:20.200 For six years, I haven't read or watched the news.

00:12:23.140 Really?

00:12:23.500 If it's on, I'll avoid, I'll leave the room.

00:12:25.360 Why?

00:12:25.960 It's hatred.

00:12:27.220 It's, it's terrible.

00:12:28.280 It's puts you in a terrible mental state.

00:12:29.880 For, for some of you don't affect, everyone thinks they're making a difference.

00:12:33.760 They're not.

00:12:35.160 I mean, you had a popular show on, on like a major network.

00:12:39.340 Yeah.

00:12:39.620 You also didn't make a difference.

00:12:41.720 Rogan doesn't make a difference.

00:12:42.540 Well, I got fired.

00:12:43.520 Yeah.

00:12:44.060 But like this idea that like, I'm going to change everything.

00:12:46.860 Nah, the high level guys who had to reach, who had to reach, maybe you could.

00:12:50.140 Cause you reach a lot of people.

00:12:51.260 I don't think I did.

00:12:52.640 But like.

00:12:53.100 I agree with you.

00:12:53.660 You being upset about Biden or Trump.

00:12:56.000 It's like, what is it doing?

00:12:57.380 It's going to happen regardless.

00:12:58.500 It's like being upset about the rain.

00:13:00.460 You really think so?

00:13:01.720 So it's, it sounds like you don't buy the premise of democracy.

00:13:05.380 Listen, it, how should I say this?

00:13:07.820 The black vote matters.

00:13:09.460 Right.

00:13:09.740 One black vote doesn't matter.

00:13:11.540 Right.

00:13:11.780 That's, that's correct.

00:13:12.700 Yeah.

00:13:13.420 So it's just like, why get involved in Romania and Slovenia?

00:13:17.500 They just had, well, or you just got back from Australia.

00:13:20.640 Yeah.

00:13:20.900 So like they, I always loved how they felt about it.

00:13:23.500 Our government's crooked.

00:13:24.740 We can't do anything.

00:13:26.620 Let's get drunk and do the worst Coke in the world.

00:13:29.200 And that's what the, you didn't, you didn't really participate in Australian culture, but

00:13:33.440 it's mostly baby powder.

00:13:36.640 Is that true?

00:13:37.160 And it's the most overpriced in the world too.

00:13:39.600 Cigarettes are $60 a pack.

00:13:41.260 It was wild.

00:13:42.880 Yeah.

00:13:43.620 I left, I bought a pouch and I was like, and then I was, I didn't think about the price.

00:13:47.740 I was just like, bring it up.

00:13:48.460 A pouch of tobacco.

00:13:49.160 Yeah.

00:13:49.600 Yeah.

00:13:49.760 And then, uh, and then, uh, I bought another one and, um, where it was in Gold Coast and

00:13:54.040 then I was like $63.

00:13:55.200 I'm like, no, that's crazy.

00:13:57.440 Yeah.

00:13:57.640 And he goes, that's how much it is.

00:13:58.820 And it's like, I thought it was like a tourist spot and I was like, fuck up, dude, I just

00:14:02.060 bought it for 40.

00:14:02.820 And he goes, no, you didn't.

00:14:03.900 Did you like the lung cancer pictures on the package?

00:14:06.460 I did have to trade a pack.

00:14:07.620 Cause I'm like, this one's too gross.

00:14:08.740 It's too gross.

00:14:09.560 Yeah.

00:14:09.740 You almost don't want to smoke.

00:14:10.720 Get me a dead baby.

00:14:11.540 I don't, I don't want to see the missing 10.

00:14:13.560 A dead baby doesn't, it doesn't hurt me.

00:14:15.720 Well, it wasn't caused by smoking.

00:14:17.480 Yeah.

00:14:18.640 It was caused by the ozone.

00:14:21.020 So.

00:14:22.520 Yeah.

00:14:22.900 I just don't pay it.

00:14:23.500 It's going to happen regardless.

00:14:25.080 Why, why lose sleep over it?

00:14:27.780 But what about the idea that, um, if you don't do anything about it, then it just gets worse

00:14:32.540 and worse and worse.

00:14:33.180 If society doesn't do anything about it, it gets worse and worse.

00:14:36.020 If I don't do anything about it, it's not going to change my mind.

00:14:38.760 It's your moral obligation to vote.

00:14:41.480 If you don't vote, you're not allowed to complain.

00:14:43.620 Can I tell you something that no one seems to get on my side on?

00:14:47.600 If you think the system is corrupt, participation in the system is you co-signing the system.

00:14:55.920 So it's like, it doesn't matter which side you're voting on.

00:14:58.780 This corrupt, they both lie to you, two-party only possibilities, which is what they're revolting

00:15:03.340 in in Hong Kong.

00:15:04.100 Yeah.

00:15:04.320 Yeah.

00:15:04.440 Here's your two possible choices only.

00:15:06.360 Just saying, okay, well, I'll take this one.

00:15:08.160 Is you saying, yeah, the system, I agree with it.

00:15:10.700 And I don't agree with the system at all.

00:15:13.320 I'm sympathetic to what you're saying.

00:15:14.560 I'm actually not dismissing you out of hand because I think you're making a pretty solid point.

00:15:18.120 The problem, though, is it could get to the point where they show up at your house

00:15:22.020 and start hassling you directly.

00:15:24.060 Who?

00:15:24.920 The government.

00:15:25.880 To vote?

00:15:27.060 No, no, no.

00:15:27.440 Oh.

00:15:27.700 I mean, the government gets in the wrong hands.

00:15:30.040 It can be pretty intrusive.

00:15:32.860 Yeah, I guess.

00:15:34.380 So, yeah.

00:15:35.580 But here's two problems with that.

00:15:37.560 One, it's a worst-case scenario way of living.

00:15:40.240 Right.

00:15:40.560 I mean, I've heard the Holocaust is coming back my entire life.

00:15:45.560 This can lead to the Holocaust.

00:15:47.420 George Bush.

00:15:48.600 It could be Hitler.

00:15:50.020 Trump was Hitler.

00:15:51.180 Trump was definitely Hitler, right?

00:15:52.100 Everybody's Hitler.

00:15:53.280 And I'm like, where?

00:15:55.060 Where is this happening?

00:15:55.760 So, it's like you hear these worst-case scenarios all the time.

00:15:59.320 They don't come to fruition.

00:16:00.640 And also, it's like you still won't have any effect on it.

00:16:02.480 When they were talking about going to war with Iran, they're like, this is a nuclear

00:16:04.980 holocaust.

00:16:05.700 And everyone was bitching about it.

00:16:07.540 And I was skiing.

00:16:09.540 And I'm like, you guys can lose your last days.

00:16:11.880 If there's a nuclear holocaust coming, these are your last days.

00:16:14.820 And I spent it skiing.

00:16:15.800 And you spent it arguing online with a stranger.

00:16:20.300 Like, who's God going to say, did it right?

00:16:23.280 You know?

00:16:23.820 That's actually completely defensible.

00:16:26.000 Like, you're not actually affecting it.

00:16:28.340 And if enough people-

00:16:29.180 There's a whole book in the Jewish Bible called Ecclesiastes.

00:16:31.280 It basically makes this point.

00:16:32.480 Really?

00:16:32.940 Yeah.

00:16:33.420 Interesting.

00:16:34.140 You should-

00:16:34.800 Ecclesiastes.

00:16:35.760 What's that in Hebrew?

00:16:36.720 Do you know?

00:16:37.300 I don't.

00:16:37.900 Yeah.

00:16:38.060 Some of them were like Genesis.

00:16:39.340 I'm like, I don't know that word.

00:16:40.280 I know the Hebrew word.

00:16:40.600 Oh, is that-

00:16:41.120 You went to Yeshiva?

00:16:42.080 Yeah.

00:16:42.980 They didn't call it Genesis?

00:16:44.060 No.

00:16:45.580 So I had to like, Deuteronomy.

00:16:47.100 I was like, oh, which one is that again?

00:16:48.600 How long did you spend in Yeshiva?

00:16:50.520 Two years after high school, but my entire, all high school.

00:16:53.840 Did you think you were going to be a rabbi?

00:16:55.620 It was a possibility.

00:16:56.920 Really?

00:16:57.460 Yeah.

00:16:57.900 It was like possibility.

00:17:00.000 What was that like?

00:17:00.720 It was like in pre-law.

00:17:01.520 What do you do in Yeshiva, by the way?

00:17:03.460 Study.

00:17:04.040 Pardon my ignorance.

00:17:05.180 Like, what's the schedule?

00:17:06.860 Like, you wake up when and do what?

00:17:08.520 That's part of your culture, just to be ignorant.

00:17:10.600 Yeah.

00:17:11.320 I'm not a chosen person.

00:17:14.680 You wake up, you do a little learning.

00:17:18.500 That's like, choose your own adventure.

00:17:20.680 That's so it might be like prophets, one of the side books or something.

00:17:25.880 And then you pray.

00:17:27.880 Then you go have breakfast.

00:17:31.960 That's like, breakfast ends at like nine.

00:17:34.180 So nine to one, you learn Talmud.

00:17:38.040 Then one to two is-

00:17:39.620 Is this just independent study or just reading it by yourself?

00:17:42.300 There's classes.

00:17:43.660 And then there's also like, and then also independent.

00:17:46.280 But there's classes.

00:17:47.540 We're a rabbi.

00:17:48.520 Dude, we had a rabbi who was like teaching us one of the, one of the books of the Gemara,

00:17:52.140 the Talmud.

00:17:54.040 He's so smart.

00:17:55.200 I forget his name.

00:17:56.060 Oh, it's embarrassing.

00:17:57.100 That's embarrassing.

00:17:57.820 Who is it?

00:17:58.280 I don't know.

00:17:58.900 But to have-

00:17:59.140 You can check it.

00:17:59.820 No, it's all right.

00:18:00.440 No.

00:18:00.720 No, tell me who called.

00:18:02.800 Oh, it's your mom.

00:18:03.820 Hold on.

00:18:04.920 Hey, he's busy right now.

00:18:06.440 I'll get back to you later.

00:18:07.580 All right.

00:18:08.000 Bye, Miss Tucker.

00:18:12.880 That's what you went by too, Mrs. Tucker.

00:18:17.540 Anyway, he was teaching us and then doing it really well.

00:18:22.260 And then somebody went to the bathroom and they came, I forget his name.

00:18:25.780 Let's call him Rabbi Jew.

00:18:27.260 And they're like, Rabbi Jew, this isn't the right book.

00:18:30.420 And he goes, oh yeah, I forgot the, I forgot the, I was telling him, I took the wrong one.

00:18:34.440 I was like, you've been teaching us from it the whole class.

00:18:38.140 And he goes, yeah.

00:18:39.160 He just knows it by heart.

00:18:40.840 It was actually like a John Irving novel.

00:18:42.500 It was just a different track date.

00:18:43.620 It was like the encyclopedia, you're doing the E's and he's reading from F's, but he's

00:18:46.380 still word for word on the E's.

00:18:48.820 It was crazy.

00:18:49.660 So he'd memorized it.

00:18:50.520 Yeah.

00:18:51.880 Which is, it was an oral tradition.

00:18:53.280 It was passed down orally for a long time.

00:18:55.120 Was it interesting?

00:18:59.000 The Talmud?

00:19:00.000 Yeah.

00:19:00.380 Oh yeah.

00:19:01.500 So many fun.

00:19:03.760 So not fun, but like, yeah, like I was telling you at breakfast, by the way, guys, Tucker Carlson

00:19:08.720 feeds his guest breakfast.

00:19:10.360 Of course I do.

00:19:11.240 Yeah.

00:19:11.500 What's your podcast do?

00:19:12.540 Um, yeah, it was like, if you accidentally kill, uh, someone like you have to replace

00:19:20.020 their, their, their wife, you have to pay their wife.

00:19:22.260 This is what I was talking about.

00:19:23.180 And like a doctor's wife, you pay more than a garbage man's wife.

00:19:26.600 And then it's all arguing, like, uh, is a, is a garbage man worth less?

00:19:31.280 Does he have less value than a doctor?

00:19:33.100 And then it's like the arguing, arguing, arguing.

00:19:35.000 It's like, no, you're just trying to like, you have a responsibility to keep her way of

00:19:38.680 life, keep her like richness there.

00:19:41.340 So you have to pay her based on her income.

00:19:43.680 It's kind of like divorce now.

00:19:45.260 Do you debate this in class?

00:19:47.280 Yeah.

00:19:47.440 So you debate it, you talk about it.

00:19:48.660 Then there's a secondary rabbis who all weighed in.

00:19:51.320 No, but do you debate it at yeshiva?

00:19:53.060 Do the students say, you know what?

00:19:54.380 I just don't agree with this at all.

00:19:56.600 Are you allowed to debate?

00:19:58.720 Yeah, yeah, a hundred percent.

00:19:59.820 It's all based in like, say what you think is not right here.

00:20:03.160 There's a Philip Roth book, Conversion to the Jews.

00:20:05.720 It's a short story.

00:20:06.960 Yeah, I never read it.

00:20:07.720 It's about, uh, it's pretty good.

00:20:09.380 And, uh, and, uh, yeah, Philip Roth.

00:20:12.340 And, um.

00:20:13.260 Portnoy's complaint guy.

00:20:14.360 Mm-hmm.

00:20:14.820 Yeah.

00:20:16.040 Um, and it was just about this kid in yeshiva in Brooklyn who was like, I don't understand.

00:20:21.360 If God couldn't create everything, the animals and light out of darkness, he goes, that

00:20:26.160 one always got me.

00:20:26.840 There was, there was darkness and he made light for the first time.

00:20:30.060 I always got me.

00:20:31.000 And he goes, why couldn't he make a son?

00:20:33.000 Like, no, God can't have a son.

00:20:34.100 I was like, but why?

00:20:34.660 He did all this other stuff.

00:20:35.480 How come he can't?

00:20:36.620 You're supposed to ask these questions.

00:20:38.880 So there's no penalty for.

00:20:40.540 There's no penalty.

00:20:41.040 It's based in for a hundred percent.

00:20:42.800 You should be asking questions.

00:20:44.280 We should have answers.

00:20:45.640 If we don't, then your question is correct.

00:20:47.920 And if we do it.

00:20:48.700 It sounds like a great education.

00:20:49.580 It's great.

00:20:50.380 Ask everything.

00:20:51.360 If it doesn't make sense, you gotta ask.

00:20:53.860 And we should have an explanation.

00:20:55.140 You shouldn't be like, don't ask this stuff.

00:20:56.440 How many yeshiva students become stand-ups?

00:21:00.780 Not many.

00:21:01.660 Not many.

00:21:02.160 There's a couple, but not many.

00:21:04.000 It seems kind of like a natural training ground for it.

00:21:07.340 It's so helpful.

00:21:08.780 The logic basis of it.

00:21:10.540 Between that and an English major,

00:21:12.100 where you're also just same thing,

00:21:13.220 kind of analyzing novels.

00:21:14.020 Textual analysis, yeah.

00:21:15.240 What's he doing?

00:21:15.860 What does this mean?

00:21:17.880 It's just a great way of looking at humanity

00:21:20.500 and then writing a joke about it.

00:21:23.040 What do your rabbis and classmates think of what you do?

00:21:28.480 Well, so it's the religion part,

00:21:31.360 and it's also the culture part.

00:21:32.600 Right.

00:21:32.800 So the culture part was like,

00:21:34.060 what are you doing?

00:21:34.720 You're not making a living.

00:21:35.980 This is ridiculous.

00:21:37.180 This is embarrassing.

00:21:38.100 They didn't think you were making a living?

00:21:39.300 I wasn't for 10 years.

00:21:41.560 You know, temp jobs and whatever.

00:21:43.520 Really?

00:21:44.040 Yeah.

00:21:44.560 What kind of temp jobs?

00:21:45.900 I worked for the Beverly Hills Chamber of Commerce.

00:21:49.960 I just did like data entry in different places,

00:21:53.040 moving boxes.

00:21:55.600 It's in commercial.

00:21:56.600 I got started booking commercials for a while.

00:21:58.360 I had a weird look.

00:21:59.200 That helped, but that was like five, six years in.

00:22:02.040 It was just poverty.

00:22:03.800 But it was also great training,

00:22:05.320 because now you seem pretty immune to finances,

00:22:11.540 to the dangers.

00:22:13.520 To the dangers?

00:22:14.580 Yeah.

00:22:14.880 You have money, but you seem kind of,

00:22:17.360 I don't know you well enough,

00:22:18.360 but you seem like you're resistant to letting it.

00:22:21.700 I was talking to you about Jake Hanrahan.

00:22:23.140 He won't take advertising money,

00:22:25.620 so he doesn't want anybody pressuring him to cover it.

00:22:27.400 Yeah, I don't think you should worship money.

00:22:29.100 I'm opposed to that.

00:22:30.280 Yeah.

00:22:30.520 I don't think it makes you happy.

00:22:31.520 Debt makes you unhappy.

00:22:32.960 Right.

00:22:33.440 Money does not make you happy.

00:22:34.180 Severe lack of money makes you unhappy.

00:22:35.740 100%.

00:22:36.060 That is real.

00:22:36.780 But I was broke for long enough where I don't need these things anymore.

00:22:40.080 Good for you.

00:22:40.660 I'm happy with like,

00:22:41.560 oh, I got an aisle seat.

00:22:42.840 You know,

00:22:43.240 I don't need to fly private or first class.

00:22:46.020 It's nice,

00:22:46.820 but like,

00:22:47.340 I don't,

00:22:48.420 I sleep in hostels,

00:22:49.500 you know?

00:22:49.760 I love that.

00:22:50.440 Yeah,

00:22:50.700 it's,

00:22:51.660 yeah,

00:22:53.160 so I'm free of it,

00:22:53.900 and it frees me up to do fun things.

00:22:55.940 So you took that experience and did a special on Judaism.

00:23:00.440 Mm-hmm.

00:23:01.120 Yeah,

00:23:01.340 you got to watch it.

00:23:02.900 Why'd you do that?

00:23:04.620 I mean,

00:23:04.900 I've been looking at this stuff forever.

00:23:06.720 I just wasn't good enough to do it,

00:23:08.360 but it was always on my mind.

00:23:11.240 If you're wondering how big tech got powerful enough to void the First Amendment to the Constitution of the United States,

00:23:18.160 how did it get big enough to nullify the founding documents of the most powerful company in the world?

00:23:24.580 Well,

00:23:25.000 simple.

00:23:25.460 They got really rich.

00:23:27.340 Money is power.

00:23:28.660 Well,

00:23:28.780 how'd they get rich?

00:23:30.120 From information,

00:23:31.940 your information,

00:23:33.380 which you keep giving to them.

00:23:35.240 How do you do that?

00:23:36.140 Well,

00:23:36.700 every time you use the internet unprotected,

00:23:39.580 you're handing all of your online activity,

00:23:42.240 all the details about you to Silicon Valley,

00:23:45.580 which sells it,

00:23:47.080 including to government agencies,

00:23:48.900 which use it to spy on you.

00:23:51.180 That's why it's probably not a good idea to go online.

00:23:54.560 unprotected,

00:23:55.140 not just for your own sake,

00:23:56.580 but for the sake of the country.

00:23:58.460 How do you fight back?

00:23:59.840 Well,

00:24:00.380 with ExpressVPN.

00:24:02.860 ExpressVPN is an app that encrypts and reroutes 100% of your network traffic through secure servers.

00:24:08.600 What does that do?

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00:24:19.940 That means anyone out there trying to profit from you and your personal data can't.

00:24:25.460 Well,

00:24:25.700 how do we know it works?

00:24:26.740 Well,

00:24:27.500 we know for a fact it works because this winter,

00:24:30.280 when my producers and I were in Russia conducting interviews,

00:24:33.280 including with the president of that country,

00:24:35.260 internet traffic was getting blocked by the government.

00:24:37.800 So we got an ExpressVPN account and we're able to get that interview out of the country securely and bring it to the world.

00:24:45.480 So it works.

00:24:47.400 We know it works.

00:24:49.360 ExpressVPN also keeps you safe from hackers,

00:24:51.760 even on unsecured public Wi-Fi networks.

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00:25:42.360 Go to expressvpn.com backslash Tucker.

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00:25:54.440 This is Senator Roger Marshall of Kansas.

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00:27:46.420 The non-Jews have seven laws of Noah.

00:27:51.880 That's all you gotta do.

00:27:52.680 Yeah, I've read them.

00:27:52.940 And you get into heaven.

00:27:54.220 And they're pretty easy.

00:27:55.140 They're great.

00:27:56.180 They're pretty easy.

00:27:57.100 Don't eat an animal while it's still living.

00:27:59.500 Exactly.

00:27:59.920 Should be a no-brainer.

00:28:00.800 Don't kill.

00:28:01.380 Don't kill.

00:28:02.400 Harder for some people, but not others.

00:28:04.000 Don't rape.

00:28:04.560 Even harder for some people, but most are still on the right side of it.

00:28:07.520 I forget what the other ones are.

00:28:09.060 Adultery.

00:28:09.740 Yeah.

00:28:10.560 It's not that hard.

00:28:11.580 And you get to go to heaven.

00:28:12.480 And you'll be right alongside a rabbi.

00:28:13.960 Well, not only that, they're like very reasonable.

00:28:17.160 Yeah, they're not like hard ones to do.

00:28:19.160 No, they're all kind of rooted in natural law.

00:28:21.620 Yeah.

00:28:21.800 No, I read that.

00:28:22.880 Yeah, when you convert, they're like, what are you doing this for?

00:28:25.960 You're just going to make it harder on yourself.

00:28:27.300 You're going to heaven already.

00:28:28.440 That's interesting.

00:28:29.300 Okay.

00:28:29.780 You don't feel there's any contempt at all in that.

00:28:31.840 There becomes contempt at the end where it's like, well, you're not in our group, so kind of fuck you.

00:28:38.280 But that's not in the law.

00:28:39.820 I mean, even Jesus is like, accept everyone, take them in.

00:28:42.640 Right.

00:28:43.260 But people don't really do that.

00:28:45.180 No.

00:28:45.560 You know?

00:28:45.920 Not at all.

00:28:46.580 Yeah.

00:28:47.620 So, but the, I think, I do think that the Sabbath laws are, you know, like if you're using somebody else to do something that you're not allowed to do.

00:28:57.340 Yeah.

00:28:57.940 Well, I talk about the loopholes in that special where it's like, you're actually not allowed to fully ask them, can you turn this light on?

00:29:02.560 Because then that's like, you're doing it.

00:29:04.760 So it's by implication.

00:29:05.820 God, it sure is dark in here.

00:29:07.540 You know, I'm not allowed to turn the lights on.

00:29:10.660 Non-Jews are allowed.

00:29:14.340 But I can't do it.

00:29:16.580 It does suck.

00:29:17.120 I want to read.

00:29:20.940 It's so loophole-y.

00:29:22.060 It's great.

00:29:24.120 But what was the moment where you decided to?

00:29:26.020 So, you can't use electricity.

00:29:27.920 I was in a dorm room in a yeshiva that's closed now in Pai Vagan, Jerusalem.

00:29:33.280 And there was a light, a reading light above my bed.

00:29:36.260 And you could use that to like read Talmud before you go to sleep or whatever.

00:29:39.980 Left it on on Shabbos.

00:29:41.860 And what I was going to do was take a hand-washing cup.

00:29:45.400 There's like a ritual hand-washing you do in the mornings and before bread.

00:29:49.580 And I was going to put that over the light.

00:29:52.960 It was like this little ball.

00:29:55.120 And I was going to put it over the light, drown out the light.

00:29:56.680 So the light's still on.

00:29:57.620 It's just drowned out.

00:29:58.840 The cup kept falling.

00:30:00.700 Kept putting it on there.

00:30:01.740 It kept, because it was round.

00:30:02.980 The bay, it just kept falling off.

00:30:04.720 It wouldn't stay on.

00:30:05.440 And the light was in my eye.

00:30:06.880 And it was frustrating.

00:30:07.900 You want to sleep.

00:30:08.660 And you can't.

00:30:09.880 And at some point, I was like, I'm just going to turn it off.

00:30:13.120 It's Friday night.

00:30:13.740 I'm not allowed.

00:30:14.700 But then my, so the entrance to the yeshiva was like right here.

00:30:18.440 My window was right here.

00:30:19.360 So anyone coming in or out would see my light go off.

00:30:22.020 And they'd be like, we're all these super Orthodox Jews.

00:30:26.840 No light can go on or off.

00:30:28.260 We'll, we'll notice that on a Friday night.

00:30:29.800 And I was like, ah, fuck, I'll get caught.

00:30:31.560 I'll get in trouble if I do this.

00:30:34.180 So I didn't do it.

00:30:35.560 I didn't even do it.

00:30:36.660 Didn't break any law.

00:30:37.580 But I thought about it for like a couple of years.

00:30:41.840 The fact that I was more worried about a man getting me in trouble than God.

00:30:46.520 When it's God's law, it's not man's law.

00:30:50.980 Jaywalking.

00:30:51.640 Sure.

00:30:51.860 I'll make, look for a cop.

00:30:53.080 Right.

00:30:53.420 Do that, you know, but, but the Sabbath stuff, that's all just God.

00:30:56.060 I shouldn't give a fuck about Jews seeing me.

00:30:59.240 There's either in the tour, there's like a worse punishment for someone who steals in secrecy

00:31:04.080 than it steals brazenly.

00:31:05.300 Cause at least stealing brazenly.

00:31:07.540 Exactly.

00:31:08.000 You're not worried about man catching you.

00:31:09.320 Exactly.

00:31:09.660 And you're like, well, fuck God either way.

00:31:11.120 But, but I don't give a shit about man.

00:31:13.520 So the fact that I was more worried about people getting me in trouble than God.

00:31:16.780 And I was talking about, I was like, I don't think I believe in them or I wouldn't have

00:31:20.600 done it.

00:31:20.900 If I believe there was this like, you know, old man in heaven saying, don't do this.

00:31:25.540 It'll be bad for your mortal soul.

00:31:27.380 I just wouldn't do it.

00:31:29.720 Compared to like, if your dad's in the room, you don't masturbate.

00:31:33.900 Right.

00:31:34.300 Because you believe he's real and his reaction is pretty obvious what it would be, but you're

00:31:39.980 not just going to start jerking.

00:31:40.920 Like, oh, the fuck, I didn't know you were real that, you know, you're a hundred percent

00:31:44.220 sure he's real.

00:31:44.980 And I wasn't sure God was real.

00:31:46.780 And I was just like, and then I just looked more and more and I was like, I think I'm

00:31:50.660 out.

00:31:52.460 Maybe the lesson is you care too much what other people think.

00:31:55.140 Maybe.

00:31:56.480 No, I mean, that's another way to look at it.

00:31:58.200 Yeah.

00:31:58.340 Yeah.

00:31:58.900 So anyway, so my friends got mad.

00:32:00.300 They're like, they can't leave religion.

00:32:01.280 Like, well, if you don't believe in God, take the Torah, the holy sacred scroll and like

00:32:04.680 throw it in the floor, which is like, if you see it fall, you have to fast for like, I

00:32:08.620 don't know how long.

00:32:09.200 Um, and I'm like, no, I would still respect you guys.

00:32:12.820 I'm not going to like, it's so rude.

00:32:15.340 But you told your friends, your fellows.

00:32:17.580 A few of them.

00:32:18.820 Some were angry.

00:32:19.860 Some were like disappointed.

00:32:21.580 Nobody was like, cool.

00:32:23.980 Nobody.

00:32:25.460 What'd your parents say?

00:32:27.040 Pretty mad.

00:32:29.400 Yeah.

00:32:29.900 They were like, well, you're going to lose the culture.

00:32:32.400 They're all fine now.

00:32:33.580 So in hindsight, it's fine, but they're totally fine now.

00:32:36.700 So just like, but at the time they're like, what the fuck?

00:32:39.740 They were really mad.

00:32:40.820 It was like, uh, yeah, they were like, even a dog believes in God.

00:32:45.200 That's true.

00:32:45.860 You're lower than a dog.

00:32:47.400 Did they say him?

00:32:48.500 Yeah.

00:32:48.980 Yeah.

00:32:49.360 But I was like, show me that research.

00:32:50.980 What are you talking about?

00:32:52.020 Who's done a study on that?

00:32:54.160 Um, but totally fine now.

00:32:56.520 So how did you decide you want to go into standup from there?

00:32:59.000 I always kind of liked being the Joker.

00:33:01.960 Uh, and then my friend Ami Butler was, uh, he was like, you should try it.

00:33:05.140 You should try standup.

00:33:05.820 Uh, so you moved back from Israel, moved back from Israel, went to university of Maryland

00:33:09.580 a couple of years.

00:33:11.280 No, first went to Yeshiva university in New York.

00:33:13.800 That's where I kind of like fully lost the religion.

00:33:16.360 And I'm like, what's the point of paying for a split curriculum?

00:33:18.840 Yeah, of course.

00:33:19.540 College.

00:33:19.860 So I switched to state school.

00:33:22.280 Um, got laid for the first time ever.

00:33:26.780 Yeah.

00:33:27.420 It was fucking, it's nice.

00:33:29.400 If you haven't tried it, you should fuck.

00:33:31.780 I haven't.

00:33:32.140 It's great.

00:33:32.720 I'm busy.

00:33:33.080 That's the thing.

00:33:33.860 It's great.

00:33:34.580 You're busy destroying Democrats.

00:33:36.380 Jewish girl.

00:33:37.760 Uh, no, no, I have.

00:33:40.000 Oh, so you went all the way out then.

00:33:42.540 You look too much like me, you know, it's like fucking a mirror.

00:33:47.900 It's not the best.

00:33:50.200 Um, you're like, I'm legally not allowed to join in on this.

00:33:53.600 Um, yeah, I went, yeah, I just had, it was nuts.

00:33:57.260 It was so great.

00:33:57.920 Got a blow job.

00:33:59.380 Oh, did you call your friends back in the yeshiva and tell them?

00:34:03.220 No, I did not.

00:34:04.760 I did not.

00:34:05.540 We, I'm friends with a couple of them still.

00:34:08.000 Um, but not many.

00:34:09.280 It's just a different world now.

00:34:11.140 Plus they all have kids.

00:34:12.180 It's like, how many of them got married?

00:34:15.660 All of them.

00:34:16.380 All of them.

00:34:16.840 Yeah.

00:34:17.160 So everybody gets married.

00:34:18.660 Everybody gets married.

00:34:19.600 At what age?

00:34:20.200 And have kids.

00:34:21.460 Sister got married at 20.

00:34:23.700 Wasn't that like crazy.

00:34:24.800 It was just like a touch early, but not really.

00:34:27.820 But all those marriages seem to survive.

00:34:29.360 They really do.

00:34:30.020 Right.

00:34:30.480 It's interesting.

00:34:31.040 I've noticed that.

00:34:31.840 Yeah.

00:34:32.180 What's the divorce rate among Orthodox Jews?

00:34:34.020 So low.

00:34:34.640 We had one divorced couple growing up in my neighborhood and was like, whoa, can you believe it?

00:34:39.600 They're divorced.

00:34:41.600 We thought it was so nuts.

00:34:43.200 Yeah.

00:34:43.300 And then when I got to university in Maryland and everybody's parents were split and I was

00:34:46.600 like, what?

00:34:47.820 So what works better?

00:34:48.860 I don't know.

00:34:51.540 I guess it's what you're looking for in your marriage where it's just a union to like be

00:34:56.260 a family unit and raise kids is the most important thing.

00:34:58.880 So like this is fine.

00:34:59.540 This works for that.

00:35:00.440 Or it's like, do I want fulfillment?

00:35:02.300 And like, yeah, I don't know.

00:35:04.540 You don't think they're fulfilled?

00:35:06.500 I think if you're all you want as family, then yeah, you're fulfilled.

00:35:09.620 You've got a great family, you know, you're part of the community.

00:35:13.200 But if you're like, yeah, they say it's like, it's like misogynist Judaism because

00:35:18.560 the women just stay at home.

00:35:19.660 But I'm like, no, they're there to raise the family.

00:35:21.940 Right.

00:35:22.080 It's not like you're not allowed to work.

00:35:23.920 It's like, this is your part.

00:35:25.640 This is his part.

00:35:26.820 He's raising money for the family.

00:35:28.520 Do you think a lot of Orthodox mothers secretly want to work at banks?

00:35:31.520 No.

00:35:32.040 Right.

00:35:33.560 Exactly.

00:35:34.680 This isn't fun.

00:35:36.120 And it's voluntary.

00:35:37.040 You don't have to join this lifestyle, right?

00:35:39.020 Yeah, right.

00:35:39.820 Well, if you're raising it, you kind of do.

00:35:42.880 It's not legally, but you know.

00:35:44.880 Do you ever have any regrets you didn't become a rabbi?

00:35:46.860 No.

00:35:48.560 No.

00:35:49.740 Uh-uh.

00:35:51.080 No, I'm having a great time.

00:35:52.600 Some of them will look down on me and be like, there'll be demeaning like, you'll be back.

00:35:56.220 And like talk down to me and it's like, oh, you guys fucking suck.

00:35:59.000 You don't think you will be back?

00:36:00.380 No.

00:36:02.020 What to what?

00:36:03.440 I don't know.

00:36:04.280 I didn't.

00:36:04.540 If you're getting your dick sucked, that's totally illegal in that religion.

00:36:08.360 Is it really?

00:36:08.940 Yeah, it's wasting seed.

00:36:10.760 Oral sex is illegal.

00:36:11.660 Yeah.

00:36:12.380 I didn't know that.

00:36:12.880 It's wasting seed.

00:36:14.300 Condoms are illegal.

00:36:15.840 But the sheet thing is not real.

00:36:17.380 Sheet thing's not real.

00:36:18.780 This is all an Ari Shafir Jew on YouTube now.

00:36:22.280 So you got to the bottom of the sheet rumor.

00:36:24.880 I was fooled.

00:36:25.900 That's how strong a rumor it was.

00:36:27.340 Really?

00:36:27.700 I was fooled.

00:36:28.540 Did you ever talk about that in yeshiva?

00:36:30.940 No, but I thought I had a rabbi who definitely did it.

00:36:33.720 And my friend was like, that's a false memory.

00:36:36.120 No way.

00:36:36.440 Really?

00:36:36.640 Because it doesn't exist.

00:36:38.680 Who spread that rumor?

00:36:39.860 That's a pretty.

00:36:40.880 I think it comes from tzitzit.

00:36:42.980 It's like this.

00:36:44.100 So there's 613 commandments.

00:36:46.580 God, I lived in this for fucking five years.

00:36:48.760 I forgot about all of it.

00:36:49.840 And then I lived in it for five years trying to go over the stuff again.

00:36:53.060 And then I just put it behind me again.

00:36:54.960 When you mentioned Talmud and I brought up Steinsaults out of like, I don't know where

00:36:57.960 that came from.

00:36:58.380 I was very impressed.

00:37:00.180 Yeah.

00:37:00.780 I didn't know what the Talmud was until pretty recently.

00:37:03.720 I'm reading it.

00:37:04.260 I actually think it's really interesting.

00:37:05.780 It's very interesting.

00:37:06.760 But there's this.

00:37:07.320 So one of the commandments, you try to do as many as you can.

00:37:09.120 Some of them are big temple based.

00:37:11.800 So you just can't anymore.

00:37:13.360 You don't have a temple.

00:37:15.560 That's in 70 AD.

00:37:17.540 Boom.

00:37:19.000 They're going to have another one, the Messiah, they say.

00:37:21.000 So those laws will be back.

00:37:22.500 But you try to do as many as you can.

00:37:23.640 They're good deeds and they're bad deeds, but they're all like commandments.

00:37:28.380 There's 613 of them.

00:37:29.460 One of them is if you have a four-cornered garment, a poncho, you have to tie these tassels

00:37:33.860 to the end of them.

00:37:34.600 So sometimes you'll see strings coming out from the post-shirts.

00:37:36.640 Okay.

00:37:37.140 So they make themselves a four-cornered garment so that they can do that commandment.

00:37:43.120 And it looks like a t-shirt underneath their shirt.

00:37:46.600 It's like, you don't even need it, but you're like, here's our chance to wear it.

00:37:50.180 Have you ever worn one?

00:37:51.000 Oh, yeah.

00:37:51.600 All the time.

00:37:52.520 Is it comfortable?

00:37:53.940 It's neither here nor there.

00:37:54.900 It goes in between a t-shirt and your overshirt.

00:37:56.900 So you barely even notice it.

00:37:59.900 Oh, so you're wearing three layers.

00:38:01.860 Yeah.

00:38:02.560 That's a lot.

00:38:03.460 Yeah, that's why they smell.

00:38:04.240 They don't fucking wash their shit.

00:38:05.200 How does that?

00:38:05.840 They don't, do they, is that?

00:38:07.060 They do smell.

00:38:08.260 What is that?

00:38:09.320 It's just like, soap is expensive.

00:38:13.380 So I always thought that was bigotry from secular Jews are always saying.

00:38:17.520 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:38:18.220 No, they do smell a lot.

00:38:19.700 It's also like you're wearing, you're fucking dressed like Johnny Cash in the summertime.

00:38:22.520 It's going to fucking, it's going to stink after a while.

00:38:24.800 You got to wash that all the time.

00:38:25.440 So Jerusalem in August is.

00:38:26.880 Oh, oh, it's disgusting.

00:38:29.440 It's like fucking Yangon.

00:38:30.980 That's actually true?

00:38:32.640 Yeah, yeah.

00:38:33.560 The Jerusalem, Tel Aviv, they're more shower centric.

00:38:37.780 Amazing.

00:38:38.400 It's nuts.

00:38:38.840 When you get up the road from Tel Aviv, it's a windy road from, and as soon as you get over

00:38:42.300 that hill, it's fucking, it's a costume party.

00:38:44.600 It's Fiddler on the Roof.

00:38:45.040 It's the best.

00:38:45.960 It's so weird.

00:38:46.620 It's like you're living in an ancient time.

00:38:48.180 It's the most interesting place on the planet.

00:38:50.540 Yeah.

00:38:51.520 Three religions, three and a half coming together on one little small area of an old city.

00:38:56.300 Three and a half?

00:38:57.480 It's like two different kinds of Christian.

00:38:59.540 No, I'd heard that, but they're pretty similar.

00:39:02.820 The Armenians and the Greek.

00:39:04.960 Well, the Ethiopians, Greek, Orthodox, Catholic, Protestant.

00:39:09.600 But in the old city, it's like.

00:39:11.200 Yeah.

00:39:11.640 Yeah.

00:39:11.960 Anyway, whatever.

00:39:12.620 I don't know enough about them.

00:39:16.020 Do you still have your outfits?

00:39:17.160 Anyway, so here's where it came from.

00:39:18.700 No, I don't have any of that.

00:39:19.660 But like, so you wear that four-color garment.

00:39:21.220 I think they were hanging up to dry, and it's a sheet with a neck hole in it.

00:39:24.460 Yes.

00:39:25.040 And I think just some racists were like, they probably fucked through that.

00:39:29.000 That's what that is.

00:39:30.500 And it just caught on.

00:39:32.820 Interesting.

00:39:33.400 Yeah.

00:39:33.680 And the hole is so big that the Jews are like, let them run with that rumor.

00:39:38.900 It took you five years to write that special?

00:39:42.140 Yeah.

00:39:42.940 Yeah.

00:39:43.300 And some of the jokes are even older.

00:39:45.160 What's your process for writing it?

00:39:47.620 This one was way different.

00:39:48.920 Because I had to, I never have to fact check my jokes.

00:39:52.200 I can be an idiot in my jokes.

00:39:54.780 I can, normally I'm allowed to say David Trump.

00:39:59.200 And people are like, it's Donald Trump.

00:40:00.420 I'm like, oh, I don't know.

00:40:01.780 It's fine if I don't get the facts wrong.

00:40:03.920 You know?

00:40:04.300 I can be a moron.

00:40:05.200 It's actually, sometimes I try to like misspeak so that like, don't trust me on this.

00:40:09.600 I'm not an expert.

00:40:10.900 I'm just making fun of it.

00:40:11.880 So I'll try to like throw in wrong details.

00:40:14.880 Who came up with the idea that you only vote in November in elections?

00:40:19.020 No.

00:40:19.820 You vote every single day with your time and your money.

00:40:23.800 You show your preferences.

00:40:24.900 You put your support behind things you believe in and you withhold support from things you don't.

00:40:30.980 You can do that with your cell phone, by the way.

00:40:33.500 There's a wireless company that if you're not on board with what's going on in this country at the highest levels, you can make your preference known.

00:40:40.900 It's called Pure Talk.

00:40:43.420 It's probably something you should consider.

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00:40:47.920 It is led by veterans of the U.S. military.

00:40:50.280 And it supports American jobs by their customer service team.

00:40:55.640 All of them are right here in the United States.

00:40:57.420 What other company can say that, by the way?

00:40:59.280 Not many.

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00:41:01.660 Charities that you would support yourself, like America's Warrior Partnership.

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00:41:48.240 Once again, that is puretalk.com slash Tucker to switch your cell phone service to a company you can be proud to do business with.

00:41:57.220 But like, how do you write it?

00:42:20.160 Do you write it out by hand?

00:42:21.740 Do you paste your living room and say it out loud?

00:42:23.440 So I started, this one was I would go to the cellar, the comedy cellar had a small room and I would do an hour and I would do like, I had like 20 show minutes, something on Noah and the flood.

00:42:34.440 That's where it started with, which became my closer in the end.

00:42:37.500 And then a couple other bits.

00:42:38.960 And then I said, okay, I've already set up now that I can make jokes about this stuff.

00:42:43.080 You guys see, I'm not serious about it.

00:42:44.700 Do you have any questions about Jews that you've wanted to know?

00:42:47.280 Like anything, I will answer it.

00:42:50.320 And I'll try to riff and make it funny.

00:42:51.860 Something I used to do with this guy, Don Barris, a long time ago, we'd do Ask a Jew.

00:42:55.560 We call her Jew and A, Late Night at the Comedy Store.

00:42:59.080 And it started with like, hey, you know, yeah, I can be a resource.

00:43:01.800 And then all the comedians would sit around the room and they'd ask questions.

00:43:05.880 So first it was like, how many commandments are there?

00:43:08.260 I'm like, oh, good question, 613.

00:43:09.760 I'm like, oh, okay.

00:43:10.620 Someone else is like, yes, question.

00:43:11.540 You're like, if Jews are supposed to be such good writers, why is his diary on Frank so fucking boring?

00:43:15.380 I'm like, okay, well, it's a bestseller for fucking uneducated girl for 30 years or 50 years.

00:43:20.080 So you're wrong about that.

00:43:21.440 Hey, what goes in the place of your soul?

00:43:22.980 Like, all right, well, Pablo Neruda would say that there is no such thing as a soul, but diamonds, diamonds go there.

00:43:29.380 And then we just fuck around.

00:43:30.780 Occasionally, we get people complaining.

00:43:32.460 Like, they were so rude to that man.

00:43:34.240 But it was all just comedians.

00:43:36.060 Jew and A.

00:43:36.680 Yeah, Jew and A.

00:43:37.380 It was a lot of fun.

00:43:39.320 Do you still talk to the jackal that birthed you?

00:43:41.900 It's just like, and I'm like, oh, that's a bit offensive.

00:43:45.300 But it was all my friends.

00:43:46.400 It was so fun.

00:43:47.500 Late night at the store was so fun.

00:43:48.820 The jackal that birthed you.

00:43:50.220 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:43:53.720 So as a mud person, would you say, and I'm like, well, stop you there.

00:43:59.240 Yeah, we'd have this thing at the end of it where Don would go, he would run it, and he'd be like, I saw a documentary on the Holocaust.

00:44:08.000 It didn't seem that bad.

00:44:10.060 It seems like you guys are exaggerating.

00:44:11.540 I was like, I don't know, man.

00:44:12.940 And I, what was it?

00:44:14.320 Well, what was the documentary?

00:44:15.620 I didn't see.

00:44:15.860 He goes, it's called Hogan's Heroes?

00:44:17.800 It seemed like bumbling oafs.

00:44:19.640 It doesn't seem like they could have done any of that stuff.

00:44:22.240 We had a smell test.

00:44:23.200 He goes, can you smell money?

00:44:26.380 And I was like, yeah, I can.

00:44:28.960 Yeah, it's just one of the things we have.

00:44:30.320 And then we'd set up ahead of time.

00:44:31.800 He was like, all right, I need three bills.

00:44:33.260 A one, a 20, and a hundred.

00:44:35.500 And then he crumpled up a turn, but we all knew the order, so the crowd didn't know.

00:44:39.580 And I'd smell like, that's like, hmm, that's like, it's got a nutty aroma.

00:44:44.840 Hint of saddle leather.

00:44:46.120 Yeah, it was like, is that like a, I think it's a 20?

00:44:48.560 And everyone was like, oh, you got it.

00:44:49.840 One in three shot, you know.

00:44:51.680 And then the hundred, like, oh, I love that smell.

00:44:54.300 I know what that is.

00:44:55.200 And then he showed me the warm, like, ugh, get it out of my face.

00:44:57.520 It's disgusting.

00:44:58.840 Yeah, so, wait, what was I going with this?

00:45:01.340 Fuck.

00:45:02.780 What did you ask?

00:45:03.220 How you write it.

00:45:04.280 Oh, right.

00:45:04.780 So I just asked people.

00:45:05.740 So it kind of birthed from that.

00:45:06.880 I asked people, what questions do you have?

00:45:08.080 And sometimes they're like, what's with the wigs?

00:45:10.100 I'm like, oh, okay.

00:45:11.520 Well, it's a loophole.

00:45:13.160 You can't be attracted to your neighbor's wife.

00:45:16.060 So hair is something you're attracted to.

00:45:18.060 So you cover up your hair.

00:45:19.440 So it's not your hair.

00:45:21.520 It's some fucking Asian lady's hair.

00:45:23.660 You know, which is actually better hair.

00:45:26.200 It's weird.

00:45:26.900 But it's not you.

00:45:27.640 It's Soong Lee.

00:45:29.000 And you just do stuff.

00:45:30.060 What are the pillows?

00:45:31.280 I'm like, what pillows?

00:45:32.240 What do you mean?

00:45:32.700 Oh, it's your fucking bag that you have for your talus or tefillin that you carry.

00:45:37.900 It looks like a pillow to them.

00:45:39.160 I never, it's just, so it was a way of looking at stuff.

00:45:41.500 And so the same questions would come up over and over again.

00:45:45.100 And I'd riff, try to be funny.

00:45:46.840 And then I'm like, if the same question keeps coming up, this is something I should cover.

00:45:51.720 And if a question came up once ever, then I'm like, all right, that's just one guy.

00:45:56.120 One of us is like, why are Jews afraid of cats?

00:45:57.780 I'm like, that's just one Jew you knew, bro.

00:45:59.640 That's not a stereotype.

00:46:00.780 That was just one Jew.

00:46:01.620 And so I would just try to cover everything.

00:46:04.480 Why are Jews afraid of cats?

00:46:06.240 That's not a thing.

00:46:07.200 A hundred percent, that's not a thing.

00:46:10.260 So yeah, I would just try to, and then I would try to tweak it and tweak it and tweak it.

00:46:13.200 And then I'd have to do this thing where it's like, I had to see if I was wrong, which I don't ever do in my standup.

00:46:19.040 But it had to be correct.

00:46:20.560 I couldn't be wrong.

00:46:21.640 Oh, about the religion.

00:46:22.860 Yeah.

00:46:23.220 Yeah.

00:46:23.760 Yeah.

00:46:24.200 So like I started doing a bit about that fucking through a hole in a sheet.

00:46:27.140 And then my friend was like, that's not a true thing.

00:46:29.440 I'm like, fuck.

00:46:30.760 I had other rabbis.

00:46:31.860 I had this giant bit, a closer about Noah and his, and his, his 40, he had 40 children and how his wife was a real hero.

00:46:40.020 Cause her pussy must've been blown out.

00:46:42.020 And then a rabbi in Copenhagen was like, Hey, loved it.

00:46:45.180 The whole thing.

00:46:45.960 He didn't have 40 kids.

00:46:47.460 And I was like, no, he did.

00:46:48.660 He goes, no, he had two, two, I forget now.

00:46:53.260 Two sons and three daughters, whatever it was.

00:46:54.820 Yeah.

00:46:55.120 And their husbands.

00:46:56.000 Yeah.

00:46:56.360 And it was like, it just wasn't 40.

00:46:57.700 I was like, no.

00:46:58.980 And he goes, he goes, I don't mind.

00:47:00.180 I don't care.

00:47:00.720 I'm just telling you.

00:47:01.300 I love the whole thing.

00:47:02.040 I'm just telling you that wasn't, that's not right.

00:47:04.180 And I had to lose it.

00:47:05.160 I had to lose a fucking five minute, like crushing chunk.

00:47:07.780 Cause it wasn't correct.

00:47:09.600 Any other bit I was doing, I could just like, eh, fuck it.

00:47:11.820 I made up a detail.

00:47:12.460 But why were you fact checking your own stuff?

00:47:15.420 It had to be.

00:47:16.540 Cause I was doing a thing about a religion.

00:47:18.740 I was doing a factual informational hour, which I've never done.

00:47:21.900 Did you have any complaints?

00:47:23.260 Yeah.

00:47:24.240 But like real ones, any campaigns against you?

00:47:26.260 Nah.

00:47:26.760 Nah.

00:47:27.140 I'd say in Melbourne, it was that thing of like, this is hate speech.

00:47:30.100 You're calling them inbred.

00:47:31.800 And I'm like, no, it's loving.

00:47:34.040 All the Orthodox Jews I saw, it was like a little too much cursing for my taste, but nothing's

00:47:39.380 really wrong in here.

00:47:40.740 It's, it's respectful.

00:47:41.700 So who was saying that?

00:47:43.120 It was a love letter to my religion.

00:47:44.520 It sounds like it actually.

00:47:46.680 In, in my artistic way, in the comedy way.

00:47:49.300 But people can, don't you think people can smell the intent behind things?

00:47:52.800 Well, that's what it was.

00:47:53.480 So it was like a couple outliers are like, let's look for something angry in the world.

00:47:57.580 But she's like, that's all of Twitter.

00:47:59.720 I love how I've been telling people to get off Twitter for so long.

00:48:01.720 Do you go on it?

00:48:02.600 No, it's a cesspool.

00:48:04.840 And, and it's like people are like, oh, what Elon Musk is fighting.

00:48:07.300 I'm like, no, no, this way predates it.

00:48:08.660 He hasn't gotten rid of the negativity on there.

00:48:11.600 It's, hey, look, there's this cool telephone pole.

00:48:13.980 You know, a lot of people die in the making of that.

00:48:15.720 There's not enough trees to go around.

00:48:17.060 And it's like, Jesus, you guys can find the fucking terrible and everything.

00:48:20.960 So do you, do you use the internet?

00:48:24.100 Yeah.

00:48:24.480 I mean, yeah.

00:48:26.740 So, you know, to see if like a pill you found in your closet is good or bad.

00:48:32.840 Expired.

00:48:33.280 Yeah.

00:48:33.700 You know, something like that.

00:48:34.840 Like, what is this?

00:48:35.640 But you don't spend time looking at other people's opinions online.

00:48:38.840 No, you still see it though.

00:48:40.100 It seeps through.

00:48:41.040 If you're on Instagram and just like you see people weighing in on stuff, it just like,

00:48:44.880 it kind of comes into your, into like what you think of the world.

00:48:48.940 So you think that the reason everybody hates everybody else is because of the internet.

00:48:53.740 Yeah.

00:48:54.060 It, it, I didn't understand it.

00:48:56.340 You saw that movie that, um, half documentary, a little bit of like, whatever, like, what's

00:49:02.440 it called?

00:49:03.000 The social experiment.

00:49:04.080 I never saw it.

00:49:04.660 Oh, you should see it.

00:49:05.880 So the acting parts are kind of hokey, but it does illustrate like in real time what this

00:49:10.720 would be like.

00:49:11.020 Somebody like lost on their phone as this chick he likes is like looking for someone to

00:49:14.400 talk to and he's like lost on it.

00:49:16.800 So it's just a little acting scene, but it's just like one possible reason why you getting

00:49:20.680 lost on this.

00:49:21.720 Instead of talking to your neighbor on the bus, you're like, let me.

00:49:25.900 Yeah.

00:49:26.340 It's like, and these are the light problems.

00:49:28.340 You know, when I moved to New York, I was like, how do you make friends?

00:49:31.200 And my friend was like, go to a bar, order a beer, drink it at a regular pace, order another

00:49:35.940 one.

00:49:36.400 Midway through the second beer, you'll be talking to someone.

00:49:39.020 Yeah.

00:49:39.520 That time is done.

00:49:40.700 Is it really?

00:49:41.520 Yeah.

00:49:41.800 You look up to talk, they're down on their phone and then, then they look up, let's

00:49:45.780 talk and you're on your phone and you just keep missing the connection.

00:49:48.800 But it's like, boy, I haven't been to a bar in a while.

00:49:52.960 That's depressing.

00:49:53.840 It's depressing.

00:49:54.340 Yeah.

00:49:54.480 No one's open to meeting new people and hostels in like Southeast Asia are still, I hear they're

00:50:01.500 slipping, but like it's still that they can't afford an internet plan.

00:50:04.580 So yeah, for a while I got rid of my smartphone.

00:50:08.780 I had a flip phone for a while.

00:50:11.000 And so you're like Ted Kaczynski level anti-tech.

00:50:15.160 No, I'm on a smartphone now and it's ruining my life.

00:50:17.920 How?

00:50:19.200 I'm not present.

00:50:20.360 I'm wasting time.

00:50:21.600 Oh, that's right.

00:50:22.020 You look at your, your, your time used on a, on an iPhone.

00:50:25.220 It tells you, you think they'd cover it.

00:50:27.400 If it's over 45 minutes a day, it's too much.

00:50:29.620 And it's for most people, it's between four and eight hours every day that you're wasting.

00:50:34.080 Eight hours of sleeping.

00:50:36.880 Two hours is eating.

00:50:38.260 So that's 10.

00:50:39.280 So you have 14 hours left and four to eight of those are staring at a fucking screen.

00:50:47.160 It's, it's, we're all, we're all losing it.

00:50:49.600 We're all losing our lives.

00:50:51.320 You should just be calling a friend.

00:50:54.280 Do you call friends?

00:50:56.340 Sometimes it's fun.

00:50:57.040 You have old friends when you like text and they text back, text, text back.

00:51:00.060 And eventually they call, I can't do this anymore.

00:51:01.520 I was just talking out.

00:51:02.340 And you're like, this is what it should be.

00:51:03.580 So when I had a flip phone, it was this, you know, you'd miss the button.

00:51:08.360 She'd miss the T and you have to go around again and keep hitting it till you get the

00:51:11.880 right letter.

00:51:12.440 And it takes forever to text anything over two sentences.

00:51:14.860 I'm just going to call you and deal with it.

00:51:16.460 So you don't text.

00:51:18.100 No, I'm on a, I'm on a smartphone now.

00:51:19.980 So now I text constantly.

00:51:21.440 But when I had that flip phone, it was fucking, I gotta, I gotta fucking do it.

00:51:24.560 I gotta fucking go back.

00:51:25.460 Why'd you get off it?

00:51:26.260 I was promoting something and I thought I had to, and it, it fucking ruined my life.

00:51:32.960 It's the worst.

00:51:33.860 So you've actually taken breaks from the internet.

00:51:35.560 Well, so when I went to Southeast Asia in 2017, I changed all my passwords to my email, Instagram.

00:51:45.800 I think I still had Twitter back then.

00:51:47.900 Email, Instagram, Twitter.

00:51:49.560 What else is there?

00:51:50.660 Facebook.

00:51:51.520 I changed my password to this.

00:51:52.920 I just went to the computer and I went, and I cut and pasted that, sent it to a friend

00:51:57.420 and I said, do not send me this.

00:52:00.800 Wow.

00:52:01.340 My password was like, you know, just a 17 syllable, whatever.

00:52:05.300 I was like, don't send me this.

00:52:06.160 I don't want it.

00:52:06.840 I'll get it when I come back.

00:52:08.640 I don't want to be able to get in there.

00:52:10.880 So you didn't look.

00:52:11.840 So I had no access to Facebook, no access to Instagram, no access to email.

00:52:16.220 And then I left my phone at home.

00:52:18.020 I called an Uber to the airport.

00:52:21.020 And then put my phone on my desk, closed it.

00:52:24.000 And then I got an Uber and went.

00:52:25.760 That is really radical.

00:52:26.800 Why'd you do that?

00:52:27.740 It was the best.

00:52:30.360 It was the best.

00:52:31.240 But why'd you do it?

00:52:36.840 It's like not something you do accidentally.

00:52:38.660 No, it's not something I do accidentally.

00:52:41.840 That was the first time I've done it.

00:52:43.120 I've done it since a couple of times.

00:52:44.400 I went to Guatemala for 10, 12 days.

00:52:46.200 And I was like, I'm not bringing my phone on my computer.

00:52:49.040 You're just way freer.

00:52:50.800 You're more social.

00:52:53.660 And I don't want to be connected to America.

00:52:55.580 I just wanted to be like floating.

00:52:58.020 I just wanted to be like, that's this level of freedom.

00:53:01.860 And you followed the dead for a while.

00:53:03.660 Yeah.

00:53:04.500 Pre-internet.

00:53:05.520 Yeah.

00:53:07.140 I found my wife pre-internet.

00:53:09.140 Really?

00:53:09.700 Yeah.

00:53:10.920 What, it was just like a regular mail-in thing?

00:53:13.180 Yeah, I just ordered her right from Saigon.

00:53:16.540 With no reviews.

00:53:17.260 No, no, I went to school with her.

00:53:19.320 What a time, what a time.

00:53:21.220 But I was trying to explain to Rogan about it, about leaving.

00:53:23.680 And I was like, buddy, I can't, I can't, I don't know how to express it.

00:53:26.540 But like, there's this level of freedom.

00:53:29.200 It's like a second level of like, hey, I'm, I'm in wherever.

00:53:33.980 I'm in Southern Vietnam.

00:53:35.100 And I was going to go to the North, but I was just, I was getting sick of white people.

00:53:39.540 And I just like, where are there no white people?

00:53:42.220 And it was like, Chodok.

00:53:44.320 It was like Southern small town.

00:53:45.900 And I was like, oh, I'll go there instead.

00:53:47.280 Just the ability to swap.

00:53:49.180 Someone's like, I heard there's a good hike in Myanmar.

00:53:50.960 You go, oh, okay.

00:53:51.880 We'll do that instead.

00:53:52.720 And just like, you're just floating.

00:53:55.240 Meeting people, talking, interesting talk.

00:53:57.180 And you didn't feel helpless or afraid without a phone.

00:54:00.600 A hundred percent afraid.

00:54:03.000 Really?

00:54:03.440 Oh, yeah.

00:54:04.820 I mean, the first, I mean, I almost came back right away.

00:54:07.800 I was like, this is a mistake.

00:54:08.860 The dopamine dropped, you know, from, from being on there.

00:54:11.600 That's what they're trying to, you know, get you on there.

00:54:13.500 So that dropped.

00:54:14.280 And I'm like, I, I, I'm not getting my fix.

00:54:16.160 I was going through withdrawals.

00:54:18.140 Really?

00:54:18.620 Yeah.

00:54:19.720 And I was like, this is a mistake.

00:54:21.260 I say, so I went, I just, I was like, I'm not going to make any plans.

00:54:24.520 I went, I discovered, I decided a region, Southeast Asia.

00:54:27.180 It was cheap.

00:54:29.060 It was going to be that or South America.

00:54:32.340 So Southeast Asia seems so foreign.

00:54:35.100 I just gotten to travel.

00:54:36.280 I did one, one, like 17 day tour of China.

00:54:39.120 Did you bring a girl with you?

00:54:40.620 Go by yourself?

00:54:41.320 By myself.

00:54:42.360 China was fun.

00:54:43.040 So the comedians would kind of like guide it for you.

00:54:46.140 The ones that were out there.

00:54:47.220 They, and once somebody in Shanghai, Turner Sparks was like, by the way, it's safe here.

00:54:52.180 Like they won't touch you here in China.

00:54:54.300 You can be a drunk woman asleep with your fucking phone in your hand, like passed out.

00:54:58.380 And you'll wake up in that exact position on touch.

00:55:01.080 The punishments for violent crime are way too much.

00:55:03.640 And the embarrassment for their family is way too much.

00:55:06.360 So once they told me it was safe, I was like, oh, all my like xenophobia was gone.

00:55:10.840 I was like sick.

00:55:12.160 See you guys later.

00:55:12.880 Like, you don't want a guy.

00:55:13.720 I'm like, oh, I'm out.

00:55:15.080 And I would just walk around and discover.

00:55:16.840 I was, then I was, it blew my mind.

00:55:18.100 And I was like, I got to get lost again.

00:55:19.900 It was so cool.

00:55:21.620 So I wait, I got my, I got every visa I needed ahead of time.

00:55:25.120 Like Thailand's like on landing.

00:55:26.800 You get a visa.

00:55:28.300 Um, some places are on landing.

00:55:29.760 Some places you need ahead of time.

00:55:31.020 So Vietnam, I think I got ahead of time.

00:55:34.420 Maybe Myanmar, not Cambodia.

00:55:36.340 I think that was on, on landing.

00:55:38.380 And they were all like good for six months, a month, any six month period, you know, for

00:55:42.740 six months, any month, as soon as you land.

00:55:45.900 So, and I just waited till like a day before.

00:55:48.480 I was like, where's the weather the best?

00:55:50.360 So there was rain in Vietnam.

00:55:51.840 So no, there was rain in Thailand.

00:55:54.080 So no.

00:55:54.580 And then Myanmar had like 10 clear days.

00:55:57.960 Did you call home at any point?

00:55:59.240 No.

00:56:00.760 Uh-uh.

00:56:01.220 So you just basically disappeared for how long?

00:56:04.280 Four and a half months.

00:56:06.240 Yeah.

00:56:06.560 Oh, God damn.

00:56:07.720 It was fucking great.

00:56:08.960 What was so great about it?

00:56:10.280 It's that freedom.

00:56:11.280 It's seeing things, seeing the world new, seeing a cultures that were different than yours.

00:56:17.400 Meeting, and I didn't meet locals.

00:56:19.280 The language is a real problem in Asia, but I met Germans at the hostels I was at.

00:56:24.520 I met people from England at the hostels I was at.

00:56:26.340 You talk.

00:56:27.180 I remember talking in, in.

00:56:28.780 Did anyone recognize you?

00:56:30.420 Twice.

00:56:31.580 One time on an island in Cambodia, I was walking down this like kind of deserved beach.

00:56:35.840 And someone was like, is with their girl.

00:56:37.140 I was like, Ari Shafir?

00:56:39.480 And I was like, yeah.

00:56:40.360 He goes, what the fuck, man?

00:56:42.840 Fair question.

00:56:43.380 What are you doing here?

00:56:44.280 I'm like, you know, same as you.

00:56:45.320 Got it from Henry Rollins.

00:56:47.520 Later, when he, people like, what are you doing here?

00:56:50.080 And he goes, I'm here to meet you.

00:56:51.720 What's your story?

00:56:52.780 He would just switch it around.

00:56:55.280 But he, I was in Acadia.

00:56:56.400 People like, what are you doing here?

00:56:57.080 I was like, what do you mean?

00:56:57.960 International Park.

00:56:58.900 Here to hike.

00:56:59.520 I'm here for the exact same reason you're here.

00:57:05.700 Yeah.

00:57:06.180 Twice ever, which was also great.

00:57:08.180 So I could be, I mean, I've told a bunch of comics this.

00:57:11.320 I'm like, you are losing your sense of reality by being looked up to.

00:57:14.860 That's not the real, that's not the real world.

00:57:17.920 You don't understand.

00:57:18.920 And when Trump got elected, all these liberals that I was around, again, I'm not liberal or

00:57:22.760 conservative.

00:57:23.240 I'm, I'm this third thing, the majority of the country, I'm the majority.

00:57:27.860 I don't care.

00:57:30.500 We could hear them talking about, how could this, like, oh, you've never got under your

00:57:33.160 limo.

00:57:33.920 I know a really rich, like woman comic.

00:57:36.820 And I'm like, you've never been to Dayton, Ohio.

00:57:39.000 You wouldn't understand disillusionment.

00:57:42.220 There's the recession still going on in a lot of places.

00:57:45.180 You got to get out and talk to people.

00:57:46.640 So I remember talking in Indonesia on an Island.

00:57:51.820 It wasn't Flores.

00:57:53.240 I forget.

00:57:55.800 Um, but over breakfast, this German guy, and he was telling me about, um, German workers

00:58:02.700 rights and the five week standard vacation time they get.

00:58:06.100 And I was like, what do you mean?

00:58:07.540 Like first year out of college?

00:58:08.960 He goes, yeah, five weeks.

00:58:09.820 I don't know.

00:58:10.140 You do better after a while.

00:58:12.400 He's like, how much do you guys get?

00:58:13.780 I'm like two weeks and you're expected to not take it.

00:58:18.360 And he was like, oh, and I'm like, what the, so that kind of like talking to people makes

00:58:21.660 you like realize, oh, some shit that's wrong.

00:58:24.600 Well, you learn more about your own country.

00:58:26.220 Good and bad.

00:58:27.580 I mean, you're in some places and you're like, I wish they did it the American way.

00:58:31.120 Right.

00:58:31.540 Oh, a hundred percent.

00:58:32.260 And in other countries, you're like, I wish we did that.

00:58:34.180 Yeah.

00:58:34.720 Oh, I mean, when I got home, I noticed the first thing I noticed getting home was like

00:58:37.940 the toilet paper in my country is so fucking soft.

00:58:40.780 Oh, it's superior.

00:58:41.500 It's like, it's like God takes the cloud and just wipes your ass.

00:58:44.820 It's like Angora.

00:58:45.640 Yeah.

00:58:46.160 And I learned to appreciate that.

00:58:47.540 Yes.

00:58:48.000 Yeah.

00:58:48.320 Yeah.

00:58:48.680 It's like Angora.

00:58:49.540 Exactly right.

00:58:50.460 But it does feel to me, I mean, having had, you know, a pretty failed educational experience,

00:58:56.720 but that you learn way more from a month abroad than you would in say a year in college.

00:59:01.780 The gap year.

00:59:02.360 I met these, these four or five Canadian chicks, 18 in, in, um, in a city in, in, um, in Myanmar.

00:59:12.440 And we're all just talking.

00:59:13.640 Everyone's talking.

00:59:14.080 Everyone's so friendly and inviting and hostels.

00:59:16.240 Everyone's like, they'll see, uh, they don't, they're not ageist.

00:59:19.000 They're not sexist.

00:59:20.240 There's not even, nobody even pays for a woman's drinks.

00:59:22.440 They're like, no, no, my money is my time.

00:59:24.040 I have left out here.

00:59:24.980 I saved up 10 grand.

00:59:26.300 If I buy a drink for anybody and it's not expected.

00:59:28.500 It's so the quality level is crazy.

00:59:30.440 But they're like, you want to play card, you know, cards, we're playing a game.

00:59:34.160 You want to sit in with us?

00:59:35.100 There's not like, who are you?

00:59:36.320 It's, they just don't have it there at hostels.

00:59:37.940 And I was talking to these Canadian chicks and they were like, we're on gap year.

00:59:41.260 And I was like, oh, we don't get gap year in America.

00:59:43.440 No, but they're like, we don't get gap year.

00:59:46.820 We just took a year off.

00:59:48.740 It's not, it's not a thing.

00:59:50.640 It's not part of the curriculum.

00:59:52.020 I don't know why we don't do it more in between college and high school and college and grad school.

00:59:57.360 That's a year to yourself.

00:59:58.720 So, but weren't you worried about coming back to 70,000 text messages and emails?

01:00:05.360 Yeah, a little bit.

01:00:06.080 My manager at the time was like, what if something big comes up?

01:00:08.360 I'm like, I don't want it.

01:00:09.780 Tell them no for me.

01:00:11.160 It's like, what if it's something you want?

01:00:12.120 I'm like, I want to do this.

01:00:13.380 I want to disappear.

01:00:14.480 Tell them no.

01:00:15.580 I'll just have missed it.

01:00:16.940 What if there's an emergency?

01:00:18.220 What emergency?

01:00:18.960 What if your dad dies?

01:00:19.820 Then I'll mourn when I get home.

01:00:21.560 I don't need to mourn at the right time.

01:00:23.220 Why did you do this again?

01:00:24.600 What mental place was I in when I did it?

01:00:29.580 I just, I was kind of having a fight with Comedy Central.

01:00:33.200 They wanted me to work nonstop.

01:00:35.120 Oh, you understand this.

01:00:36.560 Yeah.

01:00:36.980 They wanted me to work nonstop.

01:00:38.380 I wanted some time off.

01:00:39.820 That friend Duncan who fucked me over with my name on the internet, with my number on the internet, didn't fuck me over.

01:00:45.560 It was a fun prank.

01:00:46.920 I mean, he used to leave also like glasses of piss in my fridge.

01:00:49.860 So like, so like, whatever.

01:00:52.420 When I say fuck me over it in the most respectful way.

01:00:55.940 But, um.

01:00:56.320 That's not a respectful way.

01:00:58.280 You're in the fridge.

01:00:59.340 No, that's not respectful.

01:01:02.140 I did it to my friend, Bobby Kelly.

01:01:03.660 He was the one who called.

01:01:04.520 I pissed in a bottle and put it in his fridge.

01:01:06.300 He's like, what if my wife found this?

01:01:07.280 I'm like, right?

01:01:08.100 He would have been in a lot of trouble.

01:01:10.380 Um, um, what were we saying?

01:01:13.480 So you're fighting with, I just wonder why.

01:01:15.240 He was like, you got to work.

01:01:16.280 And I'm like, it takes me eight months to edit this like storytelling TV show that I was doing with other comics.

01:01:20.800 And I'm like, I need some time off.

01:01:22.300 And they're like, no, we got to get back to another season.

01:01:24.180 So Duncan was like, well, you want to see the world.

01:01:27.480 And this company you work for does wants you to not see the world.

01:01:33.180 So I'm like, yeah, you're right.

01:01:35.580 I got to get out of here.

01:01:37.120 And I just like, Hey, you got, I'm trusting you to book the show the next year.

01:01:40.560 I'm trusting you to do this.

01:01:41.600 I'm out.

01:01:42.620 Handle it as best you can.

01:01:43.640 But it might get fucked up every the fountainhead.

01:01:47.340 Yeah.

01:01:48.000 So when he leaves for vacation, things get fucked up.

01:01:51.540 Oh yeah.

01:01:52.280 And he has to go correct it.

01:01:53.620 He's got to blow some shit up.

01:01:55.900 Um, but at some point you got to trust some people to like, you'll handle this.

01:02:00.260 I mean, they're going to upload this video.

01:02:01.860 Right.

01:02:02.100 You could stand over their shoulder.

01:02:04.120 No, but you're like, and you, they might mess it up.

01:02:06.920 They might not quite do it the way you want.

01:02:08.740 I mean, interrupting where you're like, I could tell you're like, I shouldn't interrupt.

01:02:12.140 You just get it right.

01:02:12.960 But then they have to make it as you're trusting them to do it.

01:02:15.020 So you can free yourself up to do other stuff.

01:02:17.040 Anyway, trusted the people I had to trust.

01:02:18.660 And just got lost.

01:02:20.860 What happened to your brain not being on text all day long?

01:02:23.460 God damn, it was great.

01:02:24.400 So when I first got a, when I first got a flip phone, which was a halfway to that, I was talking at the Stan Comedy Club.

01:02:30.060 I was talking to Nikki Glaser before she blew up.

01:02:32.460 Yeah.

01:02:32.780 Um, but she was still whatever, funny comic.

01:02:35.220 And we're talking.

01:02:36.460 Before the Tom Brady roast.

01:02:37.680 Before the Tom, way before the Tom Brady roast.

01:02:39.380 And, um, and I'm friends with her, but not like good friends with her.

01:02:44.020 And I'm sitting at the back table and we're talking.

01:02:45.620 And she's like, has, and this is day one of the flip phone.

01:02:48.780 Like I think day one or week one anyway.

01:02:51.240 And she goes, has it changed at all?

01:02:52.800 What does it change?

01:02:53.280 I'm like, I wouldn't be talking to you, Nikki.

01:02:54.840 I'd be on my phone looking for someone else.

01:02:57.460 This FOMO shit.

01:02:59.560 And, and man, I, I, I loved it being out there in Asia with no connection.

01:03:05.400 You're just, there was one time in this like Northern city in Thailand.

01:03:09.000 I met an American girl, started talking about Trump a little bit.

01:03:13.180 And, and then it's like, it's the same patterns of discussion.

01:03:17.220 And we both looked at each other like, we shouldn't do this.

01:03:19.020 And we're like, yeah, let's not.

01:03:20.360 Where else have you been in Asia?

01:03:21.340 Like, let's absolutely smart move.

01:03:23.100 Let's switch a subject.

01:03:25.340 Like what?

01:03:26.300 Yeah.

01:03:26.780 It's just like,

01:03:27.520 You may have come to the obvious conclusion that the real debate is not between Republican

01:03:31.540 and Democrat or socialist and capitalists, right, left.

01:03:36.940 The real battle is between people who are lying on purpose and people who are trying to tell

01:03:42.100 you the truth.

01:03:43.260 It's between good and evil.

01:03:44.920 It's between honesty and falsehood.

01:03:47.580 And we hope we are on the former side.

01:03:50.340 That's why we created this network, the Tucker Carlson network.

01:03:52.660 And we invite you to subscribe to it.

01:03:54.700 Go to tuckercarlson.com slash podcast.

01:03:57.580 Our entire archive is there.

01:03:59.100 A lot of behind the scenes footage of what actually happens in this barn when only an iPhone

01:04:03.740 is running.

01:04:05.160 Tuckercarlson.com slash podcast.

01:04:08.820 You will not regret it.

01:04:17.580 Did you find a distance between what you were expecting and what you found?

01:04:32.200 I wasn't expecting anything.

01:04:33.820 Like China, for example.

01:04:34.920 You said.

01:04:35.940 Yeah.

01:04:36.280 So like China, it was like, it was so, it was so foreign.

01:04:40.140 What did you expect out of China?

01:04:42.800 And versus what?

01:04:43.840 No, no.

01:04:44.120 I told my agent, I was like, I'm getting this itch.

01:04:47.580 To travel.

01:04:49.480 If you find any foreign gigs, let me know.

01:04:53.260 I still wasn't making enough money to really, but I was making some.

01:04:56.680 And he goes, well, I got you a 17 day tour of China, Beijing, Shanghai, cities outside

01:05:01.360 Shanghai, ending in Hong Kong, cities outside Hong Kong.

01:05:04.760 And he goes, it doesn't pay very well, but you know, they'll fly you out there, hotels

01:05:08.400 every night, and it pays you, I think like, I think it was like, I don't know, it was

01:05:12.740 like three grand, four grand.

01:05:14.480 And I was like, buddy, that's more than I was making two years ago.

01:05:17.460 That's great.

01:05:18.620 And to go see, and it's just like tasting food.

01:05:20.960 Like, what the fuck is this?

01:05:21.980 Seeing that they don't take the bones out of their meat.

01:05:24.380 They just cleaver it all.

01:05:25.800 I was picking up some of my chops.

01:05:27.220 I'm like, what the fuck?

01:05:27.940 There's bones in these pieces of meat.

01:05:29.300 And they're like, you need a fork?

01:05:30.400 I'm like, that's not the issue.

01:05:32.300 Get the eyeball out of my soup.

01:05:33.760 Yeah.

01:05:36.980 And it was just like, I don't know what I was expecting, but I told you, like, I was at

01:05:40.880 the Beijing comedy scene.

01:05:42.480 They were in the Hutongs of Beijing doing blow.

01:05:45.800 And I was like, isn't it punishable by death here?

01:05:48.700 And they go, they don't care about white drugs.

01:05:50.020 They only care about yellow drugs.

01:05:51.460 What are yellow drugs?

01:05:52.900 The opium.

01:05:54.180 Oh.

01:05:54.900 Stuff that the Chinese would lose their lives to.

01:05:58.540 They're like, you guys kill yourselves with Coke.

01:06:00.980 We don't care.

01:06:01.600 We don't do that.

01:06:02.320 So it doesn't matter.

01:06:02.820 You can't import it.

01:06:03.940 But if you do it, they'll just get somebody actually in the Beijing scene got caught with

01:06:07.080 Coke.

01:06:07.540 They stamped a passport, never allowed to return and sent them home.

01:06:11.020 She went home, steamed out that part of her passport, went right back.

01:06:15.480 And they don't have computer systems there.

01:06:17.320 So it's like, welcome to China.

01:06:21.140 But anyway, we're doing Coke in the Hutongs, having a good time.

01:06:24.440 And then we're walking around and it was like 3, 3.30 a.m.

01:06:28.540 It was hot.

01:06:29.940 This was like a June, I think.

01:06:31.280 And went to a bodega and bought like a 20 ounce Heineken.

01:06:36.280 And I'm like, you can't do that where I'm from.

01:06:38.900 You can't buy a beer at night and walk around with it.

01:06:42.460 But there, they're like, as long as you don't skull anybody with it, what's the issue?

01:06:48.520 It's like having a knife.

01:06:50.460 If you stab someone, that's now a weapon.

01:06:52.400 If you just have it to like whittle, it's not a weapon.

01:06:55.680 And then there's like, so it's like, oh wow, you can do these fun.

01:06:58.480 And then my friends were like, can you get on Google?

01:07:00.080 And it's like, no, you cannot.

01:07:01.440 You cannot search anything.

01:07:02.260 But that's not a problem for you.

01:07:04.060 Yeah.

01:07:04.360 I mean, I still want to find out like, where's a good restaurant in town.

01:07:07.560 But I have more fun just walking and finding a good restaurant.

01:07:11.200 You know, it's like discovery is.

01:07:13.480 So in other words, sounds like it was freer than you thought it was.

01:07:15.960 So free.

01:07:17.380 And then you learn how to like adapt and overcome.

01:07:19.980 I was, they tell you to take a, if you're in a hotel, this is early.

01:07:23.840 I'm better at it now.

01:07:24.640 They tell you to take a business card from the hotel.

01:07:27.040 So you can show it to someone who does not speak English.

01:07:29.200 Get me home to a cab driver.

01:07:30.800 Did not.

01:07:32.100 It was World Cup.

01:07:35.100 We're all at a bar watching at like 2 a.m.

01:07:37.700 I was hooked up with this chick who was there.

01:07:40.320 Chinese?

01:07:41.260 No.

01:07:41.700 Although I did hook up with a Chinese chick.

01:07:43.120 She took me home and their dad came with a fucking bat and chased me out.

01:07:46.120 No way, actually.

01:07:47.360 Yeah.

01:07:48.300 Yeah.

01:07:48.960 It was pretty fucking nutty.

01:07:50.980 Yeah.

01:07:51.700 But, you know, no harm, no foul.

01:07:53.240 Nothing, nothing.

01:07:54.580 So you scampered out.

01:07:55.980 Oh, yeah.

01:07:56.560 Yeah.

01:07:56.820 I was like putting on your pants, running.

01:07:58.500 You know, it was so fucking fun.

01:08:01.660 But then I had to like get this cab home after a World Cup.

01:08:04.400 I'm making out with this chick.

01:08:05.280 And then I was like the Sheraton.

01:08:06.700 And he's like, well, I mean, I may as well, but just be, you know, and I'm like the Sheraton.

01:08:11.800 That's Chinese, by the way.

01:08:12.660 Yeah.

01:08:13.340 That's pretty close.

01:08:14.980 And then I remembered like, if I got it, he's like, no, I got to get out of the car.

01:08:18.180 Torrential rain.

01:08:18.840 And I'm like, fuck.

01:08:19.500 I'm like soaked to the bone.

01:08:20.380 Another cab.

01:08:21.300 The Sheraton Hotel.

01:08:22.740 No understanding at all.

01:08:23.880 I'm like, fuck.

01:08:24.820 And then I'm like, it's near the train station.

01:08:27.300 So another cab.

01:08:28.440 And I'm like, choo, choo, choo, choo, choo, choo, choo.

01:08:31.280 Woo.

01:08:31.720 Woo.

01:08:32.420 He's like, he said something.

01:08:34.420 And I'm like, sure.

01:08:35.700 And then until we got close enough to the train station, I'm like, forget that.

01:08:38.440 Share.

01:08:38.620 I see it.

01:08:39.100 Share it to that.

01:08:40.740 But you just figure it out.

01:08:41.600 I flip flop started breaking in, um, in, uh, that was that first trip, but in Indonesia,

01:08:48.600 they started breaking and I couldn't find 11 and a half size shoes.

01:08:51.560 They just, people don't come that big in that part of the world.

01:08:55.100 They don't have GMOs.

01:08:57.780 Looked and looked and looked in Cambodia, found like a bunch of 10 size, you know, flip.

01:09:03.880 And they're like, they'll stretch.

01:09:04.780 I'm like, the bottom doesn't stretch.

01:09:05.980 It's the top that stretches.

01:09:07.000 They're not a size and a half.

01:09:08.680 Finally found some, uh, some quick silver one in like a real store and they broke.

01:09:13.720 They were fake.

01:09:14.400 They broke pretty fast.

01:09:15.360 It kind of flopped, whatever.

01:09:16.440 And I was like, I was going to throw them away, but I'm like, oh, I can't, I won't find

01:09:19.660 more shoes.

01:09:20.240 So you're like, I have to fix these shoes.

01:09:23.360 So you just go look for super glue.

01:09:25.780 You just learn to overcome situations.

01:09:28.160 The bus is gone.

01:09:29.620 What do I do?

01:09:30.680 How do I talk to people in another language?

01:09:32.880 So fun.

01:09:34.980 It's getting places by the end.

01:09:37.960 I ended in East Timor and I was like, I should learn some of the language, some tetum.

01:09:43.300 Um, I, I talked to, uh, uh, uh, uh, Italian lady in, um, Indonesia and she was really learning

01:09:51.680 Bahasa, uh, Indonesia.

01:09:54.180 She was like really good at it.

01:09:55.560 Like actually learning.

01:09:56.540 She hear a word.

01:09:57.140 She's like, what's that word?

01:09:57.800 And you write it down.

01:09:58.360 It was kind of inspirational.

01:09:59.180 So I was like, I got to do that for, for East Timor.

01:10:03.080 So I could get by and like place to sleep.

01:10:05.000 I know how to say that.

01:10:05.740 Uh, I don't remember anything.

01:10:09.280 Fatem Descanse.

01:10:10.840 It was like a hybrid of like Portuguese.

01:10:13.200 I can't fact check that for you.

01:10:14.460 Yeah.

01:10:14.640 Thank you.

01:10:15.440 Yeah.

01:10:15.860 So you'd go to a small town.

01:10:17.260 I'm like, Fatem Descanse.

01:10:18.260 Fatem Descanse.

01:10:18.960 And they'd point you to someplace and you'd get closer.

01:10:20.900 Like Fatem Descanse.

01:10:22.280 They're there.

01:10:22.820 And they're like, Fatem Descanse.

01:10:23.600 Like, yeah, come this way.

01:10:24.440 And they'd feed you and give you a place for, for five bucks.

01:10:28.040 You know?

01:10:28.640 What's, what's Myanmar like?

01:10:30.360 And why is it no longer called Burma?

01:10:32.980 Do you know?

01:10:33.820 I don't.

01:10:34.600 Oh.

01:10:35.740 So they got a bunch of bad press from human rights violations.

01:10:38.540 Yeah.

01:10:39.060 Like change the name.

01:10:40.260 Is that really why they rebranded the whole country?

01:10:41.880 Yeah.

01:10:42.020 They moved the Capitol to the middle of nowhere.

01:10:43.600 So no one can protest.

01:10:45.480 It's like moving DC to two hours outside Wichita.

01:10:50.600 Really?

01:10:51.200 Who's going to go there to protest?

01:10:52.600 Only the hardcore people.

01:10:55.140 You know?

01:10:55.980 Did it feel repressive?

01:10:57.800 No.

01:10:59.120 No.

01:10:59.340 Because it was only certain regions.

01:11:01.780 And foreigners are not allowed to stay in those regions.

01:11:05.000 So it didn't really come up.

01:11:06.580 They're also not allowed to rent motorized vehicles.

01:11:09.800 Foreigners aren't.

01:11:10.480 Yeah.

01:11:10.900 So they had e-bikes.

01:11:12.460 They just worked their way around.

01:11:13.600 So they had e-bikes and like Bagan and places like that.

01:11:15.480 You can rent an e-bike.

01:11:16.880 Just an electronic bike.

01:11:17.820 They had to like.

01:11:18.740 It's like a, you know, motorized golf cart versus a electric.

01:11:21.480 But there was one time we saw there was a bus.

01:11:26.760 It took you like this way from Inlay Lake to maybe Mandalay.

01:11:33.680 I forget.

01:11:34.140 And it took you way over here then all the way back.

01:11:36.540 You know, like this route.

01:11:37.700 And me and a couple friends like, it's like three hours this way or six hours, but it's

01:11:43.000 like 17 hours this way.

01:11:44.500 It's like, nah, let's just get our own way.

01:11:46.900 Let's not take like a bus.

01:11:48.340 Let's just take like little shuttles and stuff.

01:11:50.180 So we did.

01:11:50.840 We stopped halfway in.

01:11:51.820 Like, let's get out of here.

01:11:52.840 Some fucking tiny town.

01:11:54.160 It was cool.

01:11:55.640 Went to a hotel.

01:11:56.480 It was like, can we, can we stay here?

01:11:57.740 And they're just like, like looking at us and we're like, like do the bell.

01:12:02.820 Somebody comes up and it was like, hi, two rooms.

01:12:05.660 And they're just like, and they're just like kind of talking to each other, staring at us.

01:12:10.340 And we're like, is this a hotel?

01:12:13.060 And they're just like looking at us.

01:12:14.200 And eventually somebody like calls somebody on the phone.

01:12:16.400 They like, give me the phone.

01:12:17.920 Someone spoke English in the capital, Yangon.

01:12:20.260 Like, you can't stay there.

01:12:22.080 Foreigners can't stay there.

01:12:23.300 How'd they know you're a foreigner?

01:12:27.300 Long nose.

01:12:28.060 One of the buddies I was with there was like, I don't want to take my, he's a photographer.

01:12:31.220 He goes, I don't want to take my camera because they'll know I'm like tourists.

01:12:33.320 He goes, you're a six foot one white guy in Myanmar.

01:12:36.700 They're going to know.

01:12:38.960 She goes, you can't stay there.

01:12:40.320 I just got to turn around.

01:12:41.040 I'm like, no, no, we just came.

01:12:41.840 She goes, you got to go south.

01:12:42.760 I'm like, we just came from south.

01:12:43.640 We're going north.

01:12:45.160 She goes, no, you can't.

01:12:46.080 I'm like, the bus, we're off the bus.

01:12:47.880 It's gone.

01:12:49.100 And I was like, well, can we stay at a fucking monastery?

01:12:55.100 Because like, they sort of have to take you in.

01:12:57.080 And she just started laughing.

01:12:57.980 She goes, you can't stay in the region.

01:13:00.520 And I started like, I'm pretty good at playing pretend.

01:13:03.180 So I like, I was pretend poor while I was there.

01:13:06.500 I was just like, whatever you guys' level is, that's me.

01:13:09.320 Like, so when they're bitching about a $2 more expensive hostel, I'm like, I know, right?

01:13:13.660 I can like sell it to myself.

01:13:15.520 You know, I know it's the common people.

01:13:17.500 You could call your father and he'd like end it all.

01:13:20.560 But I just ignored that.

01:13:22.600 So I'm like crying.

01:13:24.640 I'm like, but I can't, we can't, we don't have, we can't go south.

01:13:26.900 We're going north.

01:13:27.500 I don't know what to do.

01:13:28.100 And she's like, all right.

01:13:29.180 So she goes, we'll call a local minister to come and talk to you.

01:13:31.760 He came in.

01:13:32.520 He's like, all right, we found another hotel that you can stay in.

01:13:34.860 But he's doing you a fucking favor.

01:13:37.220 This isn't allowed.

01:13:38.700 He's helping you.

01:13:39.940 I'm like, okay.

01:13:41.360 And then we're there.

01:13:42.480 We're walking around.

01:13:43.340 My buddy shut down the market by just being white and walking through.

01:13:46.460 It was like the parting of the sea.

01:13:47.660 They're all doing their work.

01:13:48.480 And they're like, like, what the fuck is this guy doing?

01:13:52.780 With love and admiration or fear and loathing?

01:13:57.340 It's like if you see somebody seven foot eight.

01:13:59.360 Yeah.

01:13:59.820 It's just weird.

01:14:00.580 Yeah.

01:14:00.820 It's just like, what?

01:14:02.500 And you've never seen a white.

01:14:04.520 It's crazy.

01:14:06.260 They're like, can you take a picture?

01:14:07.360 All through Asia.

01:14:08.320 Can you take a picture?

01:14:09.000 I'm like, yeah, sure.

01:14:09.900 Do you have fun?

01:14:10.220 I'm like, no, no.

01:14:10.740 I want to be on your camera.

01:14:12.640 I want my image to go back to America.

01:14:15.300 I think it'd be so cool.

01:14:17.080 You know, hold my baby.

01:14:18.360 Let me take a picture of you holding my baby.

01:14:19.980 It's crazy.

01:14:21.060 Every black guy I know, they're like, can we touch your hair?

01:14:22.920 No, they wouldn't ask.

01:14:23.560 They would just touch their hair.

01:14:24.920 And he goes, excuse me.

01:14:25.820 They're like, right.

01:14:26.560 And it was nuts.

01:14:28.320 But so we stayed at a place.

01:14:29.700 Then we started walking.

01:14:30.640 We're just touring around.

01:14:31.520 We saw a statue on maps.me, like a maps app was like statue.

01:14:35.840 So we're like, all right, let's go to the statue.

01:14:37.220 It was near an army base, like a junta base, which is like, they have rebels there in these

01:14:42.160 regions.

01:14:42.560 And some of them work with the government.

01:14:43.880 Some of them are against the government.

01:14:45.120 Some of them have deals with each other.

01:14:47.440 I don't fully know.

01:14:48.380 I wasn't there for the government.

01:14:50.420 Anyway, we're there taking a picture, hanging out.

01:14:53.360 Six or seven army people with machine guns come out, went right at us.

01:14:56.720 What are you doing here?

01:14:58.140 Nothing.

01:14:58.620 What are you doing?

01:14:59.080 You taking pictures of that?

01:14:59.860 Like, yeah, it's just a statue.

01:15:01.380 Give me the pictures.

01:15:01.980 Let me see.

01:15:03.100 Delete them.

01:15:04.180 Where's your passports?

01:15:05.800 Like, I don't know.

01:15:06.520 They're back in our hotels.

01:15:07.200 Let's go.

01:15:07.720 Let's go see them.

01:15:08.560 And they just let us machine gun style back to our hotel to get our passports.

01:15:12.960 It's just, this is a no foreigners region.

01:15:16.620 And was there, I mean, anything worth hiding there that you saw?

01:15:19.360 No, no.

01:15:20.860 There's not like a secret nuclear program or anything.

01:15:23.120 No.

01:15:24.600 It was just some poor people with like makeshift guns and like, yeah.

01:15:28.500 And then, and then we got back and the people there were like, what, why?

01:15:31.500 Let's play soccer.

01:15:32.360 We all tried to do the hacky sack soccer thing.

01:15:34.160 They loved it.

01:15:35.520 I got violent diarrhea and food poisoning there.

01:15:38.560 That was more notable than the machine gun stuff.

01:15:41.160 That's required.

01:15:41.800 So four and a half months on the road, you come back to your country and what do you notice?

01:15:47.360 Okay.

01:15:47.880 That's a good question.

01:15:49.000 And actually I can tie that into this, this juice special also.

01:15:53.940 So you see everything fresh when you get back.

01:15:56.040 Yeah.

01:15:56.500 Clean, clear eyes.

01:15:57.660 Yes, you do.

01:15:58.980 Yeah.

01:15:59.520 Even probably, what'd you do a month in Australia, two weeks?

01:16:02.240 Yeah.

01:16:02.600 Two and a half weeks.

01:16:03.020 Even that amount of time.

01:16:04.180 For sure.

01:16:04.480 If you're off, it's enough time to be like, oh, it's just a horse for the trees for a moment.

01:16:07.540 And it was a little overcrowded.

01:16:13.500 Yeah.

01:16:13.920 The cities, even DC and the metro.

01:16:15.680 I'm like, this is too industrial.

01:16:17.300 Yes.

01:16:17.700 I went to visit my parents first, surprised them.

01:16:20.020 They were like so stoked.

01:16:20.940 They haven't talked to me.

01:16:21.600 And I went right to them.

01:16:22.420 I just walked through the door.

01:16:23.100 And I was like, what the fuck?

01:16:24.540 Yeah, it was really nice.

01:16:28.760 Yeah, it's overbuilt, but also very clean.

01:16:33.120 But then also I was in France.

01:16:35.200 I took a writing class in France.

01:16:36.180 And I got back, beautiful city, Paris.

01:16:39.180 Got back to New York.

01:16:40.120 I'm like, there's writing on every surface here.

01:16:42.520 Someone has graffitied every, this city is disgusting compared to Paris.

01:16:46.500 Like the, whatever.

01:16:47.720 And Paris is pretty disgusting.

01:16:49.380 Yeah.

01:16:49.500 But that old town, you know.

01:16:50.940 Yeah, no, it's great.

01:16:51.620 I mean, parts are great.

01:16:53.060 And then it's like, why is everything written on?

01:16:55.580 Why is everyone signed their fucking name on every fucking surface?

01:16:58.980 But, so you notice those things like that, you don't notice.

01:17:01.020 So I'm trying to remember what I noticed there.

01:17:02.600 It was just a lot of anger, a lot of hustle and bustle.

01:17:07.680 Toilet paper was soft.

01:17:09.800 Did it seem angrier than when you left?

01:17:12.420 Well, I didn't check my email right away.

01:17:20.100 The lady I sent it to was an employee back then.

01:17:22.760 I was like, don't give it to me yet.

01:17:25.440 I'm not ready for it yet.

01:17:30.460 And then I did.

01:17:31.400 And it was like, fuck, it was overwhelming amount of requests I would need.

01:17:36.540 And people asking for things.

01:17:39.160 But even to weigh in on this or that, I'm like, a lot of fucking tasks I didn't realize.

01:17:43.360 Yeah.

01:17:43.560 I didn't realize how much response.

01:17:46.920 That's what it was.

01:17:47.760 The overwhelming amount of responsibility.

01:17:51.660 And I'm not in a high responsibility field.

01:17:56.040 That's true.

01:17:58.000 And it was just like needing to return texts and emails and weigh in on this and pay your bill and do that.

01:18:05.240 It's just like, oh, it was so freeing before.

01:18:09.120 So here's what I noticed when I did the Jew special.

01:18:11.700 So it was weird because I've never done this before, but I was living with a ghost for about five years.

01:18:16.820 I was living with a guy who was dead.

01:18:18.560 That version of me isn't here anymore.

01:18:21.540 Right?

01:18:22.440 The yeshiva student.

01:18:23.500 The yeshiva kid.

01:18:24.340 Yeah.

01:18:25.000 He's gone.

01:18:25.800 He's been long gone.

01:18:26.820 And I was living there and trying to remember this ancient religion and ancient time in my life.

01:18:31.180 And I was lost.

01:18:32.220 And it was a very lonely hour.

01:18:34.180 Usually it's like in relation to other things.

01:18:37.680 And I finished it.

01:18:38.780 And I kind of came for air.

01:18:39.960 And I looked around and everybody was very angry.

01:18:44.340 I came back into the world.

01:18:47.500 And it was like, everyone's mad about everything.

01:18:51.360 Yeah.

01:18:52.220 My friends were obsessed with stories that I didn't even know were happening.

01:18:59.620 Like what?

01:19:00.100 There's some chick with no dicks swimming against other chicks with dicks.

01:19:07.640 Like their whole life is fucking worried about it.

01:19:11.300 And it's like, none of this concerns you.

01:19:14.580 None of this concerns you.

01:19:16.720 That there's a trans swimmer or that there's COVID vaccine or that there's like, dude, chill out.

01:19:22.580 All of you are mad about every little thing.

01:19:25.440 And it was, it's like, I don't know what happened in those five years.

01:19:28.600 People got fucking mad.

01:19:30.260 And I just came up and I was like seeing it.

01:19:33.440 It wasn't like, you know, when a kid, you see a 10-year-old, you see him five years later.

01:19:36.620 Like, well, you got so fucking big.

01:19:37.940 Or five to 10.

01:19:38.900 Yeah, other people's kids.

01:19:39.840 Yeah.

01:19:39.980 But if you see him every month, you don't notice it.

01:19:42.540 So I was like dropped out, popped back in.

01:19:44.520 And everybody was at each other's throats.

01:19:46.140 Everybody's so actively political.

01:19:50.480 How do you avoid that?

01:19:52.200 I don't read the news.

01:19:53.080 I try to change the subject.

01:19:54.180 I try to have, I try to have tools.

01:19:57.400 Change the subject.

01:19:58.500 How do you change the subject?

01:20:00.040 How do you focus on positivity?

01:20:00.480 You must be the only resolutely non-political person with a public voice left.

01:20:06.060 There's a few of us.

01:20:07.140 My friend, Big Jay, we were talking once.

01:20:08.760 We got a, we did a week together in Miami.

01:20:10.780 Probably the worst city in America.

01:20:13.340 I thought, I heard it was the best.

01:20:15.640 Who told you that?

01:20:16.480 A fucking, I don't know.

01:20:17.340 Real estate agent?

01:20:18.420 Yeah, exactly.

01:20:20.060 It's so disgusting.

01:20:21.380 They value only beauty, no intelligence.

01:20:23.680 If you're a girl growing up in Florida, they will not reward your A plus in high school.

01:20:30.320 They will reward your new hairstyle.

01:20:32.960 Anyway, we got a beach house.

01:20:34.640 We're talking.

01:20:35.100 He goes, I like Biden.

01:20:36.220 This was three years ago.

01:20:38.700 I was like, why do you like Biden?

01:20:39.860 You don't vote.

01:20:40.520 He goes, I hear about him less than the other guy.

01:20:42.500 And I'm like, what a great reason to like one over the other.

01:20:45.500 Yeah, we do hear way more about this guy than that guy.

01:20:48.720 If you're a non-political, I just want you to be away from me.

01:20:52.160 You deal with it.

01:20:54.460 Yeah, you avoid it.

01:20:55.460 You learn how to change a subject.

01:20:57.080 But aren't a lot of comedians pretty absorbed with it?

01:21:00.660 Yeah, but we don't even know anything.

01:21:02.160 Yeah, I've noticed.

01:21:03.040 It's like, we don't know anything we're weighing in.

01:21:05.600 So here's what I do.

01:21:06.680 It's like, you start to get an argument and we're like, well, mainly my stance is, I don't care.

01:21:12.220 But if you're asking me to take a stance on Ford versus Chevy, you know, something that doesn't matter, what do you think is better?

01:21:18.940 It's like, well, 95% of my reaction is, I don't know or care.

01:21:23.460 Whatever I can get a better deal on is good.

01:21:25.800 But with that other 5%, I'm going to say, I think Chevy's better.

01:21:29.760 Why?

01:21:30.240 I just kind of feel that way.

01:21:32.080 Okay, so everybody's only publicly weighing in on their 5% and not their 95%, which is, I don't give a fuck.

01:21:38.940 No one cares about women's college swimming.

01:21:40.360 No one's ever cared about women's college swimming.

01:21:43.420 You don't think so?

01:21:44.120 No.

01:21:44.980 I didn't even know it existed.

01:21:46.700 Shut the fuck up.

01:21:48.540 And they're obsessed with it.

01:21:50.580 They're fucking obsessed with women's amateur aquatics.

01:21:55.280 Fuck off.

01:21:56.240 Eat a dick.

01:21:57.420 Shut up, dude.

01:21:58.960 What are we talking about?

01:22:00.360 What are the issues that get you spun up?

01:22:02.800 The Yankees, mid-season collapse, that's every fucking year.

01:22:06.740 But I know it doesn't matter.

01:22:08.500 I know this is fake.

01:22:09.940 I'm not pretending it's an actual real thing.

01:22:12.860 You know?

01:22:13.480 I'll bitch about somebody going to a slump, but I know at the end, they're like, oh, I'm just playing pretend angry.

01:22:18.520 It doesn't really matter.

01:22:20.100 So there are no issues that get you mad?

01:22:22.400 Stand-up.

01:22:23.140 People coming after stand-ups.

01:22:25.700 Who's coming after stand-ups?

01:22:27.120 It's a lot of people.

01:22:28.720 It's an interesting time for my industry.

01:22:31.180 Tell me how.

01:22:31.760 I love this thing you used to do on your TV show where you're like, play dumb to get an answer.

01:22:38.800 It's really fun.

01:22:39.840 It's actually really fun.

01:22:40.860 I am dumb.

01:22:41.220 But that doesn't.

01:22:42.060 Interesting.

01:22:42.640 You think you would be rewarded for helping a woman cross a stranger?

01:22:45.900 And you're saying you were not rewarded?

01:22:47.580 It's called evoking an answer.

01:22:52.500 So I'm trying to pull back and keep my many opinions out of it.

01:22:56.660 Yeah, it's smart.

01:22:57.420 It's a good way to do it.

01:22:58.860 Instead of weighing in and go, I know, you're right, and weighing in.

01:23:01.580 It's like, keep talking.

01:23:02.540 Well, you know more about the top.

01:23:03.520 No, sincerely, I don't know that much.

01:23:06.140 I know a million stand-ups, and I like a lot of them, but I don't know that much about your business.

01:23:11.880 Yeah, so you get a lot of people.

01:23:13.460 It's worse when it's from the inside.

01:23:14.980 It's other comedians weighing in and saying that crossed the line publicly.

01:23:18.900 Oh, do you get that?

01:23:20.180 Yeah, it's disappointing.

01:23:21.980 It's really disappointing.

01:23:23.160 Because it is already a battle.

01:23:26.340 You're trying to get people to laugh at dark stuff, really dark stuff, school shootings.

01:23:30.800 You're trying to get them to laugh at it.

01:23:31.880 You're trying to find joy in a terrible thing.

01:23:33.480 9-11 jokes, Holocaust jokes, AIDS jokes, rape jokes.

01:23:36.680 You're trying to get them to find making fun.

01:23:40.220 Break that down.

01:23:41.440 We're creating fun.

01:23:44.520 You know?

01:23:44.980 People are like, you're making fun of this.

01:23:45.900 It's like, right, I'm creating fun out of a terrible situation.

01:23:51.300 That guy, Don Barris, who used to run the June A.

01:23:53.300 Yeah.

01:23:53.800 There was a time we had a friend die.

01:23:55.620 Freddie Soto died.

01:23:57.480 I don't know what.

01:23:58.240 Just in his sleep one day.

01:23:59.440 Really helpful.

01:24:00.940 Looked out for everybody.

01:24:02.100 Really just supportive guy when we all started.

01:24:05.340 And nobody could believe it.

01:24:06.620 I was like, what the fuck?

01:24:07.120 At the time, I was banned from the Comedy Store for beating up Bobby Lee too much.

01:24:10.940 I was angry about a chick.

01:24:13.000 And I was taking it on him.

01:24:14.240 And I was just, every chance I get, I was punching him.

01:24:15.920 And they were like, all right, you're out.

01:24:17.240 You can't be here.

01:24:18.500 And I lived two blocks away.

01:24:20.940 And I got the call.

01:24:22.080 Freddie Soto died.

01:24:22.760 And I was like, what the fuck?

01:24:24.720 And these bans always lasted between a month and six months and then would end.

01:24:28.000 You were always welcome back.

01:24:28.940 Like, by the time I was banned, I was, we couldn't understand Freddie Soto dying.

01:24:33.760 It's like, it was the first one that died that I knew of.

01:24:37.540 And it was like, I remember walking down the steps of my apartment, then just collapsing

01:24:41.520 on the steps.

01:24:43.100 And then like, keep walking.

01:24:44.320 And then I met someone in front of the conference or another comic.

01:24:46.240 We just hugged.

01:24:46.720 And we sat on the sidewalk, like with our feet on the street.

01:24:51.500 And just like sitting there.

01:24:52.560 And Don Beres comes up and he goes, I'm glad you're letting the band be enforced.

01:24:56.260 You shouldn't be in here.

01:24:57.380 It's good you're on the street.

01:24:58.940 It was just a cathartic laugh.

01:25:01.480 He made fun out of a terrible situation.

01:25:05.340 And that's what some of us are trying to do.

01:25:06.820 Others are trying to do like funny, like lollipop jokes.

01:25:09.240 And that's also cool.

01:25:09.860 It is true that funerals and wakes, memorial services, you know, this kind of the saddest,

01:25:13.400 you know, get togethers that we have, they always wind up in hilarity.

01:25:19.340 Yeah.

01:25:19.980 Have you experienced that?

01:25:21.260 Yeah.

01:25:21.580 This guy, Bob Oshack, who ran the memorial for Freddie Soto.

01:25:24.400 It was in the main room of the comedy store.

01:25:25.920 And he starts off.

01:25:26.740 He was like really good friends and best friends.

01:25:28.240 They started together.

01:25:29.440 And he goes, you know, this is a weird time.

01:25:30.820 And he set the tone right away.

01:25:32.520 He goes, you know, I'm here.

01:25:35.380 It's just weird that it took Freddie dying for me to finally get a main room spot.

01:25:39.760 And just Mitzi starts laughing.

01:25:41.360 And it's just like, it's just like, hey, we're going to enjoy this.

01:25:44.220 We're not going to cry.

01:25:45.680 We're going to, but we're going to try not to.

01:25:48.440 So that's what we do.

01:25:49.420 And then some people are just not understanding it.

01:25:51.780 It's almost, it's almost.

01:25:52.920 But other standups are policing their colleagues.

01:25:56.400 They fall.

01:25:58.220 It used to do.

01:25:58.840 We just talk shit about them.

01:26:00.440 I was doing a blow job joke a long time ago.

01:26:02.560 And Mark Maron was just like looking at me like, whatever.

01:26:05.500 And he goes, you're smarter than that, man.

01:26:06.620 That sucks.

01:26:07.400 But he, like I said, wasn't, he didn't put me in a moral low ground.

01:26:10.300 Him in a moral high ground.

01:26:11.500 He was just like, you're smarter than that.

01:26:13.460 But I'm like, yeah.

01:26:14.080 Smart people also like getting their fucking balls drained.

01:26:17.120 They can all relate to it.

01:26:18.180 It's universal.

01:26:18.840 It works in Romania, in China, in America.

01:26:21.160 Everybody can relate to it.

01:26:22.400 I don't see a problem with it.

01:26:23.600 Some stupid jokes are fine.

01:26:26.900 But it wasn't a fight.

01:26:28.640 You know, we would just talk shit about each other behind our backs in a fun way.

01:26:32.100 Oh, that guy's just doing like alt jokes.

01:26:33.760 He sucks.

01:26:34.320 He sucks.

01:26:34.820 But like never go publicly about it.

01:26:36.840 Now it's this thing, this moral high ground.

01:26:38.440 You get activated online where you just feel like.

01:26:42.380 Have you been attacked by other standups?

01:26:44.360 Yeah.

01:26:45.180 Yeah.

01:26:45.700 But also.

01:26:47.440 Far more.

01:26:48.360 The real stories have been supported by other standups.

01:26:50.640 Yeah.

01:26:51.060 I would imagine.

01:26:51.920 At a 95% rate.

01:26:53.880 Would they attack the Kobe Bryant stuff?

01:26:55.340 They attack you for that?

01:26:56.160 A few.

01:26:56.540 But even in that, it was mostly positive texts.

01:27:00.000 How you doing?

01:27:00.580 You okay?

01:27:01.180 I thought that was hilarious.

01:27:02.800 And then a few knuckleheads.

01:27:04.880 That's it.

01:27:05.400 Who just felt.

01:27:06.200 You got punished for that.

01:27:09.640 Yeah.

01:27:10.360 Yeah.

01:27:11.200 Yeah.

01:27:13.180 Yeah.

01:27:13.700 It ruled out.

01:27:14.480 I got a call from Milo going, good one, bro.

01:27:17.380 Nice one.

01:27:17.920 You got a lot of people mad.

01:27:18.940 I'm like, thanks, buddy.

01:27:19.680 Coming from you.

01:27:20.260 That's fucking awesome.

01:27:22.860 So Milo appreciated it.

01:27:24.400 Yeah.

01:27:24.780 Duncan was like, I think this might be your best one.

01:27:26.760 I'm like, yeah, I know.

01:27:27.420 I made, I made a, I made a city crumble.

01:27:32.480 Yeah.

01:27:33.200 It was great.

01:27:33.940 I turned comedians into hypocrites.

01:27:36.300 They were all like, if you don't like a joke, just walk away.

01:27:38.640 And now these same guys, because they live in LA or they were black, they were like,

01:27:43.580 this is going too far.

01:27:44.820 I'm like, ha ha.

01:27:45.660 You have no ideals.

01:27:46.980 Ha ha ha.

01:27:47.800 I found you.

01:27:48.500 I found you.

01:27:49.240 It's all, oh, just walk away.

01:27:50.580 If it's a rape joke.

01:27:51.260 But if it's a fucking about one of your heroes, you're like, oh no, I don't like it.

01:27:54.440 You've never been triggered.

01:27:55.560 Now you're triggered.

01:27:56.280 Now you understand those people walking out.

01:27:58.320 He's screaming as they walk out.

01:27:59.620 It's also helpful for the rest of us to know who they are.

01:28:02.300 The, the phonies.

01:28:03.400 Yeah.

01:28:04.720 It's just like, did you get dropped by your management for that?

01:28:09.020 Manager dropped me.

01:28:10.200 She was also getting death threats at home.

01:28:13.700 Because you made fun of Kobe Bryant.

01:28:15.860 Dude, Laker fans are retarded.

01:28:17.960 They're not smart people.

01:28:19.860 They've only had winners.

01:28:21.120 So they don't understand what struggle is.

01:28:22.680 They're just, they're dumb.

01:28:24.020 They're bad people.

01:28:25.060 They're Laker fans.

01:28:28.980 So how, when she called you, what'd she say?

01:28:31.000 Your, your manager?

01:28:31.480 She was like, I think that's, I think that's, I think she might've texted me.

01:28:33.580 She's like, I think that's the end of the road for us.

01:28:35.220 Um, but I'm getting these like, they're going to come to, but they doxed her.

01:28:39.920 They're like, I'm going to come to your house and rape you.

01:28:41.520 It's like, ugh, don't deal with that.

01:28:43.020 Get, yeah, get out of here.

01:28:44.620 What are you guys doing?

01:28:45.820 They upped it.

01:28:46.620 They upped it at that point.

01:28:47.680 I never seen them up it like that.

01:28:48.900 Where instead of going after you, they'll go after other people.

01:28:52.100 Like your loved ones to try to hurt you.

01:28:53.980 And it's like, well, what did they do?

01:28:56.260 What, what, what do you do?

01:28:57.240 It just, it's just idiots.

01:28:58.980 You know, online going, let me, it's like they're all playing kid.

01:29:02.400 They don't even, if they actually saw someone, they wouldn't do that.

01:29:05.420 You know, they actually, nothing actual in real life, by the way, zero, only online stuff.

01:29:10.500 And I tried to calm everybody down.

01:29:12.000 I was like, guys, I've been getting death threats for two decades.

01:29:15.240 This isn't real.

01:29:16.860 This is gamer talk.

01:29:18.760 This is just gamer talk.

01:29:19.920 Well, that's true.

01:29:20.600 Yeah.

01:29:20.900 The best one was this guy was like, if you come to North Carolina, I'll kick your fucking

01:29:24.640 ass.

01:29:25.080 I swear to God.

01:29:26.000 And then an hour later, he wrote back.

01:29:28.020 He goes, okay, I see you're in North Carolina right now, but if you come to Greensboro, North

01:29:31.340 Carolina, I'm going to really kick your ass.

01:29:32.920 I'm like, no, you took a shot already, dork.

01:29:35.080 You took your shot.

01:29:36.280 Shut up.

01:29:37.720 If I ever see you, I'll kill you.

01:29:38.880 I'm like, my tour schedule's there.

01:29:41.040 Have some fucking ideals.

01:29:42.780 Come get me.

01:29:43.900 Do you worry about that?

01:29:45.020 I used to in the very beginning, but it's, it was never even a fuck you.

01:29:50.040 It was never even a, like, you're shut up.

01:29:53.740 Fuck you.

01:29:54.080 It was never even that, let alone actual danger.

01:29:57.200 So you've never had anybody come to your house or hassle you or anything like that?

01:30:13.360 No, no.

01:30:14.780 But online and they went off to other people.

01:30:16.380 And so then, but no one, I was never punished from any moral.

01:30:21.420 Your manager shouldn't drop you.

01:30:23.020 I mean, I felt sorry.

01:30:23.980 I feel sorry for her hearing about it that she got threatened.

01:30:27.120 Yeah.

01:30:27.880 But you're paying this person to have your back in moments exactly like this, right?

01:30:32.440 Yeah.

01:30:33.260 Right.

01:30:33.680 Yeah.

01:30:33.860 So to abandon you in one of those moments is pretty much the greatest dereliction of duty

01:30:39.720 imaginable.

01:30:40.700 Yeah.

01:30:40.820 We're not really friends anymore.

01:30:42.620 Yeah.

01:30:43.160 Yeah.

01:30:44.580 Yeah, exactly.

01:30:45.360 Like you guys, this is the time to.

01:30:47.020 What's the whole point, right?

01:30:48.200 Yeah.

01:30:48.380 Help me through this.

01:30:48.820 Yeah.

01:30:48.920 It's not when you're like, oh yeah.

01:30:50.960 And then my producer pulled out cause they were like, I was going to do that special.

01:30:54.920 And then he was like, oh, I can't do it.

01:30:56.500 Cause he was in LA.

01:30:57.100 LA people thought it was the end of the world.

01:30:58.660 And I was like, what?

01:31:00.080 No, it's nothing.

01:31:01.580 Even I even had an Uber driver.

01:31:03.640 I came back from Charlotte.

01:31:04.900 I was doing a gig in Charlotte when it happened.

01:31:06.820 And I came back, sat in an Uber driver and he was talking.

01:31:10.220 He was like, uh, did you hear about this Kobe Bryant guy?

01:31:12.680 I was like, yeah.

01:31:13.240 He goes, I was like, what do you, what do you think about it?

01:31:14.860 He goes, it's just weird there.

01:31:17.040 Or I don't know.

01:31:18.000 It's like, it's sad, but like there's him and his daughter and the seven other people.

01:31:23.220 They don't seem to give a fuck about those seven other people.

01:31:26.200 And I'm like, right, right.

01:31:27.660 That's fair.

01:31:28.320 You got it.

01:31:29.100 That's, that's where these jokes are.

01:31:30.580 When some celebrity dies and I'm mocking them online, it's because like you guys value

01:31:34.920 celebrity life over a normal life.

01:31:37.160 Well, you also made a pretty biting point.

01:31:39.820 I thought, well, I'll just tell you my reaction, which is I never criticize anyone when he dies.

01:31:45.120 Okay.

01:31:45.540 Right.

01:31:45.760 So there's that, but I'm not a standup, but I thought you made a totally fair point.

01:31:49.580 I'm not against Kobe Bryant, but he was credibly accused of rape.

01:31:52.540 Yeah.

01:31:52.820 They hassled the woman until she dropped, dropped out.

01:31:55.360 Right.

01:31:55.820 Started spreading rumors about her.

01:31:57.140 Seven other people seeming inside.

01:31:58.580 I was like, no.

01:31:59.220 During the trial.

01:32:00.320 Uh-huh.

01:32:00.700 Right.

01:32:01.640 And.

01:32:02.380 Stuff we wouldn't hold by today.

01:32:03.900 And he, he admitted that she never gave consent, but he implied non-verbally that there

01:32:08.900 was consent.

01:32:09.860 Yeah.

01:32:10.020 And that he strangled her.

01:32:11.520 So like there was something there.

01:32:13.120 His words, although at the time I didn't realize, I now know she does not think she

01:32:17.820 gave me consent.

01:32:19.340 It's like, all right.

01:32:20.980 So.

01:32:22.340 I'm not much of.

01:32:23.280 That's his word.

01:32:24.060 Right.

01:32:24.300 I'm not much of a feminist.

01:32:25.520 Even I am like, no, that sounds like rape to me.

01:32:27.620 By the way, also, I don't really care.

01:32:29.800 What I'm doing is making fun of our society.

01:32:32.400 Well, that's exactly.

01:32:33.360 That's exactly it.

01:32:34.240 I haven't stayed up late worrying about Kobe Bryant's assault, uh, either, but these are

01:32:39.400 the same people who are telling me to value all women and believe all women or whatever,

01:32:42.320 but they actually don't care at all.

01:32:43.540 It was wild.

01:32:44.160 And you made that point.

01:32:44.960 And I was in LA.

01:32:45.980 Fair point.

01:32:46.360 As a Laker hater.

01:32:47.980 It's going, well, they're not going to let him off.

01:32:50.600 Like he'll be going to jail, hoping he would, because like, I want the Lakers to fail.

01:32:54.300 Yeah.

01:32:54.520 And then when it became time for him to go to like, when he retired, I'm like, they're

01:32:57.560 not going to let him have a retirement season.

01:32:59.520 The women of LA, the liberal fucking women of LA are never going to let this accused rapist

01:33:05.200 get through his fucking victory lap without mentioning it.

01:33:08.840 And they were so kooky.

01:33:11.660 They just were like, no, we don't go after black people.

01:33:14.800 We only go after white people.

01:33:16.480 That's just the way it is.

01:33:19.160 So this has been brewing inside you for a while.

01:33:22.280 Well, I hate the Lakers.

01:33:23.260 I just like, whatever.

01:33:24.100 I had a bid on an old, old album of just, it was called hashtag fuck the Lakers.

01:33:28.500 I was in Denver.

01:33:29.480 I was like, oh, this is where he fucking raped that chick right here.

01:33:32.120 Do people laugh?

01:33:32.920 Yeah, of course.

01:33:34.320 Why do you hate the Lakers?

01:33:36.940 Well, I don't really.

01:33:37.960 It's just fun.

01:33:38.920 But it's because they killed comedy shows in LA.

01:33:41.380 Every time they're in the playoffs, it'd be up 3-0 in the first round.

01:33:44.880 And a game when they'd be the one seed against an eight seed and you'd have a show and no

01:33:48.900 one would show up because they all had to watch the fuck.

01:33:50.420 These bandwagon fans had to watch the fucking Lakers.

01:33:52.780 Oh.

01:33:53.780 So I'm like, I fucking hate the Lakers.

01:33:55.480 Nobody hates the Clippers.

01:33:57.160 No.

01:33:58.240 So it's like, so you just like lean into it.

01:34:00.740 Yeah.

01:34:00.860 My number one team is anti-Lakers.

01:34:03.160 That's totally fair.

01:34:03.880 My number two team is the Pelicans.

01:34:05.300 Yeah.

01:34:06.100 When you tell jokes in China, do you tailor them to a Chinese audience?

01:34:10.560 And like, what's a funny joke in China?

01:34:12.120 So anywhere else, you get halfway through a joke and realize, ah, shit, you're not going

01:34:19.320 to understand this reference.

01:34:20.260 Like, you don't even think about it.

01:34:21.000 A dog eating joke or something like that?

01:34:22.660 No, you don't do that.

01:34:23.480 They were just like, very clear, do not make fun of the government.

01:34:26.360 And I was like, okay.

01:34:27.020 And they're like, listen, we're going to tell you twice because I know you're a comedian.

01:34:30.300 We're comedians.

01:34:31.240 We can tell you that.

01:34:31.960 It's going to make you want to do it.

01:34:33.540 Don't do it.

01:34:34.240 We'll get shut down.

01:34:35.160 There's a chance to get arrested.

01:34:36.260 There's a chance we get arrested.

01:34:37.660 Don't do it.

01:34:38.640 It's not like it won't be, it won't work.

01:34:41.420 It's going to be painful for all of us.

01:34:43.200 And I still did one anyway.

01:34:44.540 I was like talking about anti-government at the time.

01:34:46.500 And I was like, my country needs a fucking mouth to come fucking murder all our senators.

01:34:50.500 And they were like, whoa, whoa.

01:34:52.180 And I was like, no, it's pro-Mao.

01:34:53.560 It's pro-Mao.

01:34:54.260 I was like, change the fucking subject.

01:34:59.120 Yeah.

01:34:59.460 But anyway, that Kobe stuff, some people just like waded and got mad.

01:35:02.240 And they were like, he shouldn't say this.

01:35:03.500 I was like, fuck off.

01:35:04.140 Wait, other stand-ups said that?

01:35:05.460 Yeah, a few.

01:35:06.600 Like who?

01:35:07.340 Nah.

01:35:08.180 But like, they know who they are.

01:35:10.060 It doesn't matter.

01:35:11.180 Others were mad, but just like, personally, like, dude, come on, man.

01:35:15.300 Miss Pat called me.

01:35:16.080 It was like, Ari, you can't make fun of our heroes.

01:35:17.860 Like, make fun of Dennis Rodman.

01:35:19.740 And I was like, all right.

01:35:20.520 Or Michelle Obama.

01:35:21.240 She goes, no, not Michelle Obama.

01:35:23.800 I'll tell you you can make fun of.

01:35:25.000 But she just called and like, would check up on me and stuff like that.

01:35:28.600 And then other people, she'd be like, fuck that fat bitch for going against you.

01:35:31.940 Miss Pat rules.

01:35:33.320 But like, the normal people would just check on you and never say a word.

01:35:36.240 You know, some people like fought tooth and nail to be like, defend me.

01:35:42.340 Other people were just like, it's not my fight, but I hope you're doing okay.

01:35:45.420 Who defended you?

01:35:48.220 Mark Norman went hard on me once.

01:35:50.140 Not hard on me.

01:35:51.240 Hard for me on a radio show in San Diego.

01:35:54.360 Talking about how like, jokes are jokes.

01:35:56.920 If you didn't like it, it's just you didn't like it.

01:35:59.500 Andrew Schultz went on The Breakfast Club.

01:36:02.300 A very black show.

01:36:03.100 Whoa, yeah.

01:36:03.820 And was like, you guys are way off.

01:36:05.500 You're way off.

01:36:06.480 I mean, that was ballsy.

01:36:07.620 To go on a black show.

01:36:08.680 He was a black hero.

01:36:09.640 So, just like when Cosby's stuff came out and they didn't want to hear it.

01:36:12.320 They didn't want to hear this either.

01:36:13.340 So, I like bringing it up.

01:36:15.120 Again, it's not about Kobe.

01:36:16.080 It's about them worshiping heroes.

01:36:17.920 So, he was like, no, it's a fucking joke.

01:36:19.600 You guys are getting it wrong.

01:36:21.700 And then, that was...

01:36:23.380 How did that go over?

01:36:24.640 They were fighting him.

01:36:26.040 And he was fighting back.

01:36:27.180 Good for him.

01:36:27.800 Schultz has always been on the right side of this.

01:36:29.500 Other people, Hinchcliffe, some people, he was like, he goes hard defending.

01:36:34.180 Just to any comic there, air on the side of just defending your art form.

01:36:38.640 Don't even say, hey, I didn't find the joke funny, but it's his right to say it.

01:36:41.440 Don't even say that part.

01:36:42.940 Just say the second part.

01:36:44.300 It's his right to say it.

01:36:45.160 Why, when everyone's coming against somebody for a joke, be like, I didn't find it funny.

01:36:48.940 Don't say that.

01:36:49.620 You would never say that normally.

01:36:51.380 You would never, in times of peace, go, I didn't find that.

01:36:53.660 But Tony Hinchcliffe defended you.

01:36:55.760 Tony, no.

01:36:57.860 Schultz defended Tony Hinchcliffe.

01:36:59.540 Oh.

01:36:59.720 When he had a...

01:37:00.720 Yeah, I remember.

01:37:01.500 They all get the kerfuffles, you know.

01:37:05.140 Who else?

01:37:06.920 Oh, Tim Dillon made like really funny jokes about it.

01:37:09.700 Good for him.

01:37:10.240 You know Tim, right?

01:37:10.920 He was just here.

01:37:11.720 Yeah.

01:37:13.160 In fact, I texted with him yesterday.

01:37:14.520 He fit in this chair.

01:37:16.300 He's slim these days.

01:37:18.180 Yeah, he's in fighting form.

01:37:19.940 Yeah, he's on a diet of fucking twink cum.

01:37:23.920 I didn't ask you about that.

01:37:25.460 I don't think he's really gay.

01:37:27.320 I think that's not true.

01:37:28.000 That's a real theory.

01:37:29.000 I don't think that.

01:37:29.940 I don't think that.

01:37:30.620 We all be like, prove it.

01:37:31.820 Kiss one guy in front of us.

01:37:33.180 I totally...

01:37:33.700 Do you remember Pete Buttigieg ran for president?

01:37:37.840 He's supposedly gay and now he's transportation secretary.

01:37:42.120 And I had one of my producers who's gay and he goes, you know, he's not gay.

01:37:45.860 I was like, are you serious?

01:37:47.400 He goes, no, that's complete bullshit.

01:37:48.940 Wow.

01:37:49.380 Oh, no.

01:37:49.860 He goes, and you know, all gays all keep very close track of that stuff.

01:37:53.100 Oh, yeah.

01:37:54.020 And my producer's like, no, it's totally a pose.

01:37:56.700 He was dating women just a few years ago.

01:37:57.980 That's totally fake.

01:37:58.780 He's not gay at all.

01:37:59.760 Smart.

01:38:00.720 So I said that on the air.

01:38:01.800 People got all offended.

01:38:03.520 I thought it was kind of hilarious.

01:38:04.700 It is hilarious.

01:38:05.320 Yeah, it is.

01:38:05.680 It is hilarious.

01:38:06.340 Yes.

01:38:06.820 And you're also like, I'm not against gays.

01:38:08.460 I'm saying he's not one.

01:38:10.180 Well, that's what I said.

01:38:11.620 Yeah.

01:38:13.660 So Tim went on and he goes, he plays a good dumb sometimes on purpose.

01:38:17.780 Oh, totally.

01:38:18.060 Like you do with the questions.

01:38:19.540 He does that with dumb.

01:38:20.460 He had this thing about when they were trying to ban Apu.

01:38:22.400 Um, and he had Giannis Papas has this like old Greek guy character.

01:38:27.620 And he was like asking questions to Pete about, about Apu.

01:38:31.340 Asking questions to Tim about Apu.

01:38:32.940 And he goes, this man, he is a, he's a bad father.

01:38:36.540 He goes, oh no, he's actually a great father.

01:38:38.460 There's a white character in the show.

01:38:39.820 He's a really, he chokes his children.

01:38:41.320 He's a really bad father.

01:38:42.080 But Apu is, no, he's got eight kids and he's really wonderful.

01:38:45.180 So he, uh, he's, I'm sort of deadbeat.

01:38:46.940 He goes, no, small business owner.

01:38:50.240 He goes, I don't get it.

01:38:51.460 And Tim's like, yeah, I don't know.

01:38:52.920 They just don't like a, anyway.

01:38:54.760 So he did that with me where he goes, um, he goes, Ari's actions and his words were terrible

01:38:59.880 to take a hero like that and make fun of her.

01:39:02.200 And his, and his, um, and his producer's like, yeah, it's tough.

01:39:06.100 It's like, I, it's just like, you get on, on the day of a death to make fun of Aretha Franklin.

01:39:12.360 It's so shitty.

01:39:13.480 And the producer's like, no, no, no, it's, it was not.

01:39:16.540 It's like, no, no, I read it.

01:39:17.720 He did a thing about Aretha Franklin.

01:39:19.120 And he goes, that was a different one.

01:39:20.740 He goes, oh, so he does this all the time.

01:39:22.640 It's not about this one thing that they hear.

01:39:24.660 No, he said something about Aretha Franklin.

01:39:26.460 He's like, it's not that.

01:39:27.480 He goes, well, I'm pretty pissed about the Aretha Franklin thing from like three years

01:39:32.080 earlier.

01:39:32.700 It was just a way of saying like, guys, shut the fuck up in a funny way.

01:39:36.660 That was like a most creative way to do it.

01:39:38.320 Oh, that's, that's inspiring.

01:39:40.380 Does anybody pay any attention at all to the late night hosts?

01:39:45.320 Like, that's not even a category anymore, I guess, but that's, but not even so funny.

01:39:52.620 You see them sometimes like crying about something.

01:39:54.940 Like what happened to your industry?

01:39:56.620 You're crying.

01:39:57.540 But when you were a kid, I mean, all it was, yeah, that was it.

01:40:02.120 You'd watch the tonight show monologue.

01:40:04.500 But when you guys get to it, when like you and Tim Dillon are having dinner, you're not

01:40:08.140 talking about what Kimmel said.

01:40:10.020 No.

01:40:11.260 Occasionally we will talk, I'm trying to stay positive.

01:40:14.540 So occasionally we'll talk about how cool Kimmel used to be and how that is really him,

01:40:18.820 the cool guy.

01:40:19.540 Yeah.

01:40:19.820 And he's, I don't know, playing pretend or whatever.

01:40:22.740 Kimmel had a, there was a roast for a local kind of, kind of lunatic comedian, Peter

01:40:28.720 Chen.

01:40:30.020 We had a sort of fake roast.

01:40:31.820 As distinct from other comedians or what does that mean?

01:40:33.760 Uh, he was a bit crazy.

01:40:35.580 The owner of the comic store passed him as a, as a, to like, let everyone else kind

01:40:40.380 of fuck with him.

01:40:41.240 He, he was a bit of a, yeah, not a, not me lunatic or you lunatic, but like off.

01:40:46.960 Um, and, and that's what a standup says that it's real, a terrible, terrible comp, like

01:40:51.140 an, on no future, no past comedian.

01:40:55.420 Um, yeah.

01:40:57.840 And so it was just a local, like at the comic store, he was like, you could just fuck with

01:41:01.920 him all the time.

01:41:03.760 He's crazy and angry, driven to anger at all times.

01:41:06.180 It was fun to fuck with him.

01:41:07.620 Um, so we had a roast for him and, um, everyone, you know, did their thing.

01:41:12.420 And then he, it's his turn to get up and he goes, uh, to everybody.

01:41:15.380 He's like, you say this about me.

01:41:16.600 I, I, but I, you are the man, uh, nice.

01:41:19.020 You wear a plaid shirt, not straight lines.

01:41:21.300 And like, he thinks he's getting you.

01:41:22.640 And then he goes to Jimmy Kimmel was on the, on the dais.

01:41:25.800 Um, I mean, it's an 80 seater.

01:41:27.700 That's got 30 people in it before.

01:41:29.880 He might've already had a show.

01:41:30.940 He might not have, but, um, but he goes, uh, and Jimmy, you'll say I am a snake.

01:41:36.380 You are a snake.

01:41:37.320 And Jimmy Kimmel cracked his beer bottle.

01:41:39.880 I was like, I'll fucking kill you.

01:41:41.740 And he had to be held back.

01:41:43.540 That's who he is.

01:41:45.060 He's a funny guy.

01:41:46.880 I don't know what that is, but he's a funny guy.

01:41:50.720 What about the other two?

01:41:53.380 Um, uh, who was it?

01:41:57.180 Fallon?

01:41:57.900 Yeah.

01:41:58.360 Fallon.

01:41:58.940 I can't remember.

01:41:59.480 And the guy from the daily show.

01:42:02.360 The guy from the daily show.

01:42:03.640 Um, I don't, I've never seen the daily show that he, his old show is pretty funny.

01:42:07.940 The fake Republican.

01:42:08.780 Very funny.

01:42:09.360 Yeah.

01:42:09.740 I agree.

01:42:10.540 Um, yeah, Fallon's a fucking, he's also, he's so clean on there, but I don't think he's that clean.

01:42:20.960 I think he's like a boozer and a fun guy from what I hear.

01:42:24.880 I don't know.

01:42:25.280 So that's just totally, that's not even a factor in comedy.

01:42:27.880 Yeah, I did like, I did like when he goes, uh, when they were like, Hey, you're losing the ratings to the other guy, to the, to the daily show guy.

01:42:34.580 You need to talk about Trump and stuff.

01:42:36.200 And he goes, that's just not me.

01:42:37.720 I play ping pong with guests.

01:42:40.180 So if everyone wants to hear that, then you should go to that guy.

01:42:43.140 But if you want to hear for a good lip sync battle, I'm your guy.

01:42:46.080 Well, good for him.

01:42:46.800 Yeah, exactly.

01:42:47.200 Know who you are.

01:42:48.000 Yeah.

01:42:48.460 I just think more comics should do that.

01:42:50.080 Stay in your lane.

01:42:51.160 Be funny.

01:42:51.940 You can write a tweet against Trump or Biden.

01:42:54.180 Make it a joke.

01:42:55.520 So many comics.

01:42:56.480 Louie said this because comics fuck themselves over because they were like, it's just a joke.

01:43:00.680 It's just a joke.

01:43:01.260 But as an audience member, you're like, but a lot of you guys are not joking.

01:43:04.740 Legitimately, you're making serious statements.

01:43:06.340 So how are we the audience to know when you're joking and when you're not?

01:43:10.120 This guy might be the worst president of all time.

01:43:12.240 That's not a joke.

01:43:13.620 No.

01:43:14.320 Make it a joke.

01:43:15.960 This guy's a worse president than Kermit was at being a fucking front.

01:43:19.720 I don't know.

01:43:20.080 I don't know.

01:43:20.420 I don't know.

01:43:20.920 But there's a joke possible.

01:43:23.020 So then what do you make of Chappelle?

01:43:24.400 Well, in general, he's a great comic.

01:43:27.260 Well, of course he is.

01:43:28.620 But there's also a, and there's not a criticism.

01:43:31.260 Yeah.

01:43:31.420 I just have seen it.

01:43:32.740 Of what?

01:43:33.900 Well, there's a, it's, it's all like his, he did this, the tranny special he did was like

01:43:40.100 an editorial.

01:43:40.680 It was not, he was not joking.

01:43:43.360 He was serious.

01:43:44.340 Is that good or bad?

01:43:45.540 There's a thing I'll say that happens to a lot of people.

01:43:49.900 You get some, and it's not necessarily him because everyone's on their own path, but you

01:43:55.800 get some backlash.

01:43:57.820 Yeah.

01:43:58.180 And then instead of just allowing that to be backlash, you want, I think it comes from

01:44:03.460 a place of, you want to win those people over and explain you're not the guy.

01:44:06.260 You're not the guy they think.

01:44:07.780 And you want to win them over.

01:44:09.260 But then what happens is your creative output is spent trying to win over people who hate

01:44:15.640 you.

01:44:15.900 Yes.

01:44:16.200 Instead of trying to please the people who do love you.

01:44:19.760 And that's your core group and keep honoring them.

01:44:22.900 And these other people, it sways them all.

01:44:25.700 It's so smart.

01:44:26.480 When the people go really.

01:44:27.620 I just got it.

01:44:28.180 That is a really smart observation.

01:44:30.000 Thanks, buddy.

01:44:30.320 It's not just comedy.

01:44:31.480 No, I'm saying.

01:44:32.880 Fucking anti-Semite.

01:44:34.340 All we can be is a brain.

01:44:36.060 You have a high verbal intelligence, I'll say.

01:44:38.740 No, I think that's a really insightful thing to say.

01:44:41.220 It's not just comedians, by the way, who do that.

01:44:42.720 Right, right, right.

01:44:43.260 Right.

01:44:43.640 Yeah.

01:44:43.920 And then it just keeps going further and further over until you, this warped fucking Gollum version

01:44:48.700 of yourself.

01:44:49.440 Yes.

01:44:50.500 And they're like, what happened to you?

01:44:51.540 And I've seen it.

01:44:52.100 They won, actually.

01:44:53.540 They won.

01:44:54.080 Your enemies won.

01:44:54.900 The critics won.

01:44:55.640 They driven you off.

01:44:56.400 Because they distorted you.

01:44:57.600 And it's not even like, let me do a good joke about this.

01:45:00.080 It's, hey, I was already done with that.

01:45:02.080 So I'm not going to keep doing jokes.

01:45:04.300 I'm not.

01:45:04.820 So people ask me about when I did this Jew thing.

01:45:06.680 Like, you should come out in a helicopter and do whatever.

01:45:08.700 I'm like, guys, that was a throwaway line on fucking three minutes.

01:45:13.140 You only hear about.

01:45:14.280 So that's what you want me to be.

01:45:16.180 I was never going to cover that again.

01:45:17.560 That was the one joke about the fucking Lakers.

01:45:20.160 I moved on to other stuff.

01:45:21.980 You want me to live in that forever?

01:45:23.460 That's crazy.

01:45:24.820 That's right.

01:45:25.020 So you keep doing.

01:45:26.360 Also, artists do this when they get positive feedback.

01:45:29.140 Well, it's like, I do a bunch of different paintings, but this one's about deer seem to

01:45:33.160 sell more.

01:45:33.760 So, well, I guess I'll paint more deers.

01:45:36.200 And it's like, that's not your natural progression as a visual artist, as a painter.

01:45:41.640 So how do you keep in?

01:45:43.220 Can't read any of it.

01:45:44.180 Can't read any feedback.

01:45:45.320 Positive feedback is just as deadly as negative feedback.

01:45:47.200 Yes, I agree.

01:45:48.260 Yeah.

01:45:48.560 People telling you we like that.

01:45:49.720 I knew I liked you.

01:45:50.480 This is exactly right.

01:45:51.900 Yeah.

01:45:52.400 Can't read anything.

01:45:53.220 Can't allow it in.

01:45:54.420 That's right.

01:45:54.720 You can.

01:45:55.660 You, as a comic, we got something that nobody gets is immediate reaction.

01:46:00.360 I can hear the laughs.

01:46:01.680 Yes.

01:46:01.940 We know when it's good and when it's bad.

01:46:04.260 And sometimes when you're starting, somebody will be like, no, no, they were laughing in

01:46:06.940 the back.

01:46:07.200 You couldn't hear it.

01:46:07.600 I'm like, they're facing me.

01:46:09.120 I can hear.

01:46:09.800 I got the best seat in the house for the laughs.

01:46:11.500 And I know when there's good laughs and bad laughs.

01:46:13.580 And I know even in that 15 minute set that I thought was bad, there was one joke that

01:46:16.760 killed and the other 14 were not good.

01:46:18.760 So I'm aware what the line was for this crowd and I failed and it's okay.

01:46:22.880 And they tell you like, no, this, that I can tell from immediate feedback.

01:46:27.480 I don't have to go home and go, who was saying anything about it online?

01:46:30.660 I know what worked.

01:46:32.540 Every time they come out with a thing against comics, they're like, and this fucking crowd

01:46:36.300 was laughing.

01:46:36.680 This crowd doesn't know me, especially if it's at the cellar, the stand of the comedy

01:46:40.060 store.

01:46:40.360 This is not our crowds.

01:46:41.760 They're just there for the show and we're going on.

01:46:44.000 And if you're making them laugh, that's a bunch of strangers laughing.

01:46:46.620 That's all the feedback you need.

01:46:47.900 Or a bunch of strangers not laughing.

01:46:50.860 And that's also great feedback.

01:46:53.100 You know, occasionally you'll get a comedian and go, Hey, there's something there.

01:46:56.180 Don't give up on that joke.

01:46:57.040 Wait, everything you're saying is true and wise, more important, but there's also the

01:47:03.640 reality of touring for any gig, which is you wind up in a hotel room alone and there's

01:47:09.500 nothing to do.

01:47:10.100 It's depressing and you're on your phone and you're like, I wonder what the reaction

01:47:13.840 to this was.

01:47:15.020 That's fair.

01:47:15.840 And I should say this.

01:47:16.600 I fall to it constantly.

01:47:20.020 When I say don't read that, it's advising myself, read it less.

01:47:24.460 Yeah, that's right.

01:47:25.020 You know, we were all talking once at the store in the parking lot and Gerard Carmichael

01:47:30.420 showed up.

01:47:30.900 We were all talking about reading comments and stuff.

01:47:32.780 And he was like, yeah, you shouldn't read this before.

01:47:34.960 What year was this with him?

01:47:37.480 I think it was right after he had his first TV show.

01:47:39.860 So he was kind of a star.

01:47:41.040 Like Beyonce knows him, but not like internationally.

01:47:43.900 And he was doing well.

01:47:44.740 Anyway, whatever.

01:47:45.580 And he goes, yeah, yeah, you shouldn't read it.

01:47:47.700 But it is people talking about you.

01:47:50.120 It's interesting, right?

01:47:51.160 It's Tom Sawyer and Huck Finn.

01:47:52.640 Like, let's go up there and hear my fucking-

01:47:54.500 Well, you're a performer.

01:47:55.700 I mean, you play for people and for their reactions.

01:47:57.740 So this is another form of it.

01:47:58.820 Yeah, and you want to hear it.

01:48:01.300 But it's just like, do something else.

01:48:03.780 It's deadly.

01:48:04.960 Every once in a while, I'll go open up Instagram when I'm bored.

01:48:07.060 And I'm like, don't.

01:48:07.660 Fight back one time.

01:48:09.320 And it's not like a wholesale, like I'll never be on here.

01:48:11.700 But I'm like, right now, I shouldn't be on it.

01:48:13.260 I'm in the woods.

01:48:14.100 I'm in the woods sometimes.

01:48:15.240 And I go on my phone.

01:48:16.200 It's like, fucking, ugh.

01:48:19.100 Do it later.

01:48:19.940 You did take four and a half months off without your phone.

01:48:22.020 So I don't know anyone else who's done that.

01:48:24.800 Yeah.

01:48:25.380 It's just like, you set your own line and I'm behind my line.

01:48:28.380 I'm about to, I've been, for almost a year,

01:48:30.200 I've been trying to get on this light phone.

01:48:32.340 You know the light phone?

01:48:33.180 No.

01:48:33.980 It's a company.

01:48:34.760 They made it.

01:48:36.600 You can do regular texting.

01:48:40.000 The buyers are two people.

01:48:42.340 They are people who want to spend less time online

01:48:44.500 and people who don't want to be spied on.

01:48:47.180 They're woods people and there's fucking liberals

01:48:49.440 who don't want to fall to it.

01:48:51.160 I'm in the latter, I guess.

01:48:55.240 Full texting.

01:48:56.680 There's no email on there.

01:48:59.160 There's a Maps app, but not Google Maps

01:49:01.280 because those people don't want to be tracked.

01:49:03.380 So it's some other Maps app.

01:49:04.840 I think there is a Rideshare app

01:49:07.340 and some sort of music playing app, I think,

01:49:12.540 but not Spotify because they don't want anybody out.

01:49:15.260 The Light Phone 3 is about to come out.

01:49:17.020 With a camera, unrelated.

01:49:18.540 Like it takes a picture onto a hard drive.

01:49:19.660 So that's all I use my phone for.

01:49:21.460 So that would be for me.

01:49:22.740 Yeah, I want one where I can't get this stuff on there.

01:49:25.660 I can't get email.

01:49:26.860 I'll check it at home.

01:49:27.980 I want to be able to text and not have to do this,

01:49:30.220 which is fucking annoying.

01:49:33.000 So a full keyboard.

01:49:33.980 They used to have the one that flipped open like that,

01:49:35.900 the LG Envy, and you can text like that.

01:49:38.340 Flip phone, but you can text like that.

01:49:40.180 It's a breeze.

01:49:40.760 Loved it.

01:49:41.400 I gave up email completely.

01:49:43.020 What do you mean?

01:49:43.300 Completely.

01:49:43.860 No email.

01:49:44.500 I don't do email.

01:49:44.820 No email?

01:49:45.380 No email.

01:49:46.680 How do you deal with like long form?

01:49:48.720 I text.

01:49:49.620 That's it.

01:49:50.460 And I try to make, I mean, I'm sure I miss a lot,

01:49:53.640 you know, and I-

01:49:54.780 How does someone send you?

01:49:56.000 Okay, so they can send you a link you can open.

01:49:57.700 Read this.

01:49:58.200 Yeah, or a PDF.

01:49:59.300 Or I just don't deal with stuff.

01:50:01.260 Wow.

01:50:01.860 And because I think it's just, it takes too much time.

01:50:06.160 Yeah, I think I've lost probably half to a full decade

01:50:08.960 of my life to this.

01:50:09.780 Right, and so it might be worth saying, you know,

01:50:12.960 I'm an artist, I'm a creator, I'm a little eccentric,

01:50:16.280 I've got a weird personal life,

01:50:17.480 and I'm just not playing along with your conventions.

01:50:19.780 You could probably pull that off.

01:50:21.000 You're also in a position where you're successful enough

01:50:23.000 where you'd be like, guys, deal with it for me.

01:50:26.440 Like, handle this.

01:50:27.180 Yeah, but there's not that much, actually.

01:50:28.380 You can bang it out on text,

01:50:30.320 and then you can get to the bottom of it every day.

01:50:32.900 Then you go to sleep with nothing.

01:50:34.400 And you make a phone call.

01:50:35.300 Like, hey, explain this to me.

01:50:36.740 Let's go over it real quick.

01:50:37.720 It's going to take us 10 minutes.

01:50:38.620 It's not texting.

01:50:39.520 It's going to take us five hours.

01:50:40.720 Yeah, I don't do a ton of phone calls either.

01:50:42.340 Okay.

01:50:43.020 Because you can't do those at two in the morning.

01:50:45.640 Yeah, yeah.

01:50:47.440 So you text.

01:50:47.780 I wish there was a way to send a text,

01:50:49.480 schedule send a text.

01:51:03.280 Can you make more,

01:51:05.160 at some point,

01:51:06.080 will standards be able to make more money

01:51:07.800 on the internet than they made on TV?

01:51:10.520 They already are.

01:51:11.200 They already are.

01:51:11.800 Yeah, they already are.

01:51:13.120 So it's like, it's pretty wild,

01:51:15.200 the lack of caring they have for these conventions.

01:51:19.140 Now, some of the comics have made so much money,

01:51:20.980 they've re-imprisoned themselves.

01:51:23.340 And that's why they usually come out

01:51:24.980 against a comic who crossed the line,

01:51:27.120 because they're afraid of their own money

01:51:28.320 kind of going away,

01:51:29.740 instead of just defending their friends.

01:51:31.900 When Harvey Weinstein came out,

01:51:34.480 when it came out about Harvey Weinstein,

01:51:37.200 they went to Tarantino.

01:51:39.800 And it's like, well, you've worked with him.

01:51:40.980 You need to weigh in.

01:51:41.520 You need to make your statement.

01:51:42.840 And he said something along the lines of,

01:51:44.520 hey guys, I've known this guy for 25 to 30 years.

01:51:48.080 He was at my wedding.

01:51:49.080 I was at his, or vice versa, whatever.

01:51:51.660 This has been a friend for a long time.

01:51:53.260 You need to give me some time to think about this.

01:51:55.680 And it seemed reasonable enough,

01:51:57.180 and they kind of went away.

01:51:58.020 And I don't even know if he ever said anything.

01:52:00.000 But what's saying anything going to do anyway?

01:52:02.340 Exactly.

01:52:03.000 They need more of that,

01:52:04.060 but they're all scared of losing their positions.

01:52:05.660 So they sell out their friends.

01:52:07.380 L.A. Comics more than New York.

01:52:08.500 So the more money they make,

01:52:09.680 the more cowardly they become.

01:52:11.100 We all wanted to do our own thing.

01:52:12.920 And then there's money in prison.

01:52:14.060 They had these jobs.

01:52:14.860 I mean, I make fun of Rogan once in a while,

01:52:17.100 where I was like,

01:52:17.760 I remember when he was still in L.A.

01:52:19.060 and I was like, hey, I'm coming to town.

01:52:20.960 I'm going to go on a hike.

01:52:22.200 And he goes, ah, I can't.

01:52:23.060 I got to interview some guy.

01:52:24.080 And I was like, ah, I just canceled.

01:52:25.660 He goes, nah, he's coming from Australia.

01:52:26.920 I got to fucking do it.

01:52:27.740 And I was like, oh, for your job?

01:52:30.340 He'd say, shut up, all right?

01:52:31.440 Oh, you wouldn't do it for millions of dollars?

01:52:32.780 No, I would, but don't ignore.

01:52:34.900 Are you worried about getting too successful

01:52:36.840 where you can't take four months off

01:52:38.580 and go to Myanmar?

01:52:40.100 I, I, no, no.

01:52:45.140 The problem becomes when you have a,

01:52:47.060 like this guy and that guy,

01:52:48.700 where like you guys rely on me for money.

01:52:50.840 Yeah.

01:52:51.140 So now it's a separate thing.

01:52:53.260 And that's when I didn't realize.

01:52:54.480 That's what Comedy Central did to me.

01:52:56.560 You got employees.

01:52:58.540 Well, they were like, well, there's all these,

01:52:59.840 like you have all these staff members.

01:53:02.340 You have all these people going to shoot your show.

01:53:03.900 We'll kick you out.

01:53:04.920 They'll be out of work.

01:53:05.680 They're not going to pay their rent

01:53:06.580 or you can comply.

01:53:08.300 And you're like, oh, fuck.

01:53:10.140 How horrible are they?

01:53:12.060 They're just really horrible.

01:53:14.000 Like they are, right?

01:53:14.880 I get that, that feeling.

01:53:16.120 They're done now.

01:53:16.700 They're off, which is sad

01:53:18.260 because it was a good platform for comedians.

01:53:20.400 They don't take any happiness in their demise.

01:53:23.300 So that's actually my last question.

01:53:24.700 It's about, is about the new platform for comedians.

01:53:27.020 Like how central is Rogan to all this,

01:53:28.780 to this ecosystem?

01:53:30.500 I mean, he is the best.

01:53:33.260 The amount of support he has.

01:53:35.140 I mean, there's times where he goes,

01:53:36.940 so some big guy,

01:53:38.120 some Oliver Stone wants me to have a podcast,

01:53:39.620 but I can't.

01:53:40.400 I have this open mic-er on today or tomorrow.

01:53:42.580 So I'm already booked.

01:53:43.540 I want to promote this open mic-er.

01:53:44.720 Whereas everybody else would go,

01:53:46.320 well, the name Oliver Stone will get more hits

01:53:47.740 than this open mic-er.

01:53:48.860 So I can't.

01:53:49.700 He's just like, I'm the, I'm the name.

01:53:51.620 I'm Joe Rogan.

01:53:52.600 So I want to put this guy on or that guy on.

01:53:55.280 And this guy's funny.

01:53:56.360 I want to push him to a big platform

01:53:58.480 instead of like,

01:53:59.240 what's going to help me book my show.

01:54:01.500 It's like, interesting.

01:54:02.420 He'll help me.

01:54:02.700 He just, the casual talking about the outlawness of standup

01:54:06.480 has helped all of us.

01:54:08.180 Whether or not you've been on his show or not,

01:54:10.600 he's made standup more popular.

01:54:12.900 You know, so now we, we can all just,

01:54:15.640 I mean, it's, it's succeeding on a,

01:54:17.020 it's a crazy level.

01:54:18.800 So what, like, what's the effect

01:54:20.080 on a standup's career of going on Rogan?

01:54:25.840 Well, one time is not as big as,

01:54:28.100 as it once was.

01:54:29.260 Cause there's now there's thousands of episodes.

01:54:32.120 Um, but guys like Theo Vaughn launched off

01:54:35.680 like a good early appearance.

01:54:37.260 Tim Dillon launched off that.

01:54:38.780 Dave Smith, you know,

01:54:39.680 really became well-known off that.

01:54:42.120 I know all three good guys.

01:54:43.200 Yeah.

01:54:43.800 Yeah.

01:54:44.260 And you do well on that.

01:54:45.660 Joey D, but like, it was consistent ones, you know?

01:54:48.900 Um, it's not like,

01:54:51.660 it's kind of like the Tonight Show

01:54:52.920 with Johnny Carson was a long time ago.

01:54:54.320 Yeah.

01:54:54.440 It's like, they say like,

01:54:55.680 you go on there, you're a star.

01:54:56.620 And everyone you talk to from back then,

01:54:57.820 like, no, no, no.

01:54:58.500 You're eighth time on there, you're a star.

01:55:00.820 But that whole week, people recognize you.

01:55:03.300 But unlike Carson, I mean,

01:55:04.740 Rogan makes the call himself.

01:55:06.040 He doesn't have,

01:55:06.760 like scouts in the clubs at night.

01:55:09.460 Yeah.

01:55:09.800 He's like, wow, this lady was,

01:55:11.060 that was a female open miker.

01:55:14.640 We're all getting high in the back.

01:55:16.240 And then you want to walk past the original,

01:55:18.160 the room.

01:55:19.600 And you kind of like go in there,

01:55:20.780 especially if you're high or drunk.

01:55:21.780 It's great.

01:55:22.620 Watching some high level unknown comic.

01:55:25.260 You just, it's, it's great.

01:55:26.380 It's laughs.

01:55:27.520 You know, it's free laughs.

01:55:29.200 Um, yeah.

01:55:31.180 It's like you're passing by a live standup comedy show

01:55:33.800 on your way out of work.

01:55:35.040 It's, it's the best.

01:55:35.880 And he's in there laughing.

01:55:36.900 He goes, you were great.

01:55:37.820 He was always really great.

01:55:39.020 Carson, Carlin was like that.

01:55:40.580 He'd sit in the back.

01:55:41.380 He knew who he was.

01:55:42.580 And if you did well,

01:55:43.440 I'd be like, Hey, that was really good set.

01:55:44.600 He knew not to just keep that to himself.

01:55:47.500 He knew what George Carlin saying good set would mean.

01:55:50.880 Did you know him?

01:55:51.920 I met him once.

01:55:52.880 Never said it to me.

01:55:54.100 But I never had a good set in front of him.

01:55:55.260 He didn't like your shit at all.

01:55:56.320 Never had a good set in front of him.

01:55:57.920 But, uh, but if he was there and he saw you,

01:56:00.660 he tipped me 20 bucks to get him a deli sandwich.

01:56:03.600 And I was like, no, the comedy store is playing.

01:56:05.280 I know it's for you.

01:56:06.800 And I desperately needed it.

01:56:08.660 I mean, I was poor.

01:56:10.380 And Rogan was always passing money around.

01:56:13.020 Really?

01:56:13.560 Oh yeah.

01:56:15.460 Yeah.

01:56:15.840 He kept me in business for a long time.

01:56:17.700 Rogan did?

01:56:18.220 I opened for him for five, six years on the road.

01:56:21.920 Yeah.

01:56:22.300 We're good friends.

01:56:24.320 We're good friends.

01:56:25.320 But like, so, I mean, I can't, I can't pay him back.

01:56:30.200 I just try to be, I just try to pass it forward.

01:56:32.060 How many dates do you do a year?

01:56:34.220 Try to limit it to 24 weeks a year.

01:56:38.560 And the weeks can either be Fridays.

01:56:40.000 24 weeks?

01:56:40.820 It can either be just Friday, Saturday,

01:56:43.100 or like for the Edinburgh Festival,

01:56:45.160 it's an entire month.

01:56:46.660 It's four straights.

01:56:47.000 How do you not get addicted to heroin doing that?

01:56:49.240 That's so much time on the road.

01:56:50.360 You get to be a boozer for sure.

01:56:55.480 Yeah.

01:56:55.860 Yeah.

01:56:56.660 Heroin is always like, one time I had a thought like,

01:56:59.100 I mean, I want to try it.

01:57:00.500 But I was like, okay, I'm going to do it away from home.

01:57:03.360 So I can't find a dealer that I can.

01:57:05.380 And then you realize you can just find a dealer.

01:57:07.740 If you're in New York City, you probably pull that off.

01:57:10.140 Yeah.

01:57:10.520 So I just haven't gotten into it.

01:57:12.540 But how do you keep your life from capsizing?

01:57:16.900 Sometimes it gets bad.

01:57:18.760 And you're like, oh, I got to take that back a little.

01:57:20.360 Pot also, someone was like,

01:57:21.600 eh, I messed up a show a little bit.

01:57:23.740 Not completely.

01:57:24.660 It went from an A to like an A minus.

01:57:26.540 Be like, eh, cool it.

01:57:28.300 Being high on stage.

01:57:29.240 Being high, being drunk.

01:57:30.100 You're like, let's get drunk afterwards.

01:57:31.420 They asked Earthquake once.

01:57:32.320 They're like, do you drink on stage?

01:57:33.300 I love this interview.

01:57:34.300 And he goes, stand-up comedy is one of the few jobs

01:57:37.520 that enable you the right to imbibe while you're at work.

01:57:42.780 And I like to avail myself of that right.

01:57:45.540 And they go, does it ever make you worse?

01:57:46.880 He goes, almost every time.

01:57:48.280 But yeah, you just got to keep track of it

01:57:53.600 and not let it get to your, you're, you're your own employee.

01:57:56.160 So it's up to you.

01:57:57.580 Yeah.

01:57:57.680 But there's a, there's a disconnection that happened.

01:58:01.440 Justify.

01:58:01.880 There's a lot of sober comics.

01:58:03.320 Are there really?

01:58:04.000 Couldn't handle it.

01:58:05.040 Joe List.

01:58:05.360 I met Joe List.

01:58:06.140 Great comic.

01:58:06.880 I met him when I moved to New York.

01:58:08.260 It was like a separation between New York and LA.

01:58:11.900 And I was like, hey, everybody here in New York

01:58:13.400 talks about you.

01:58:14.160 Like, like kind of reveres you, but I'd never heard of you coming from LA.

01:58:19.420 Like what's, he goes, you want to know why I'm not as big as my name?

01:58:22.760 He goes, yeah.

01:58:23.000 He goes, booze.

01:58:23.820 But I've been sober for six months.

01:58:25.780 And now 12 years.

01:58:28.080 He's crushing it now.

01:58:29.260 But he had to, you know, he had to do that for himself.

01:58:32.300 Other guy, I mean, Rogan gets high all the time.

01:58:35.140 He can handle it.

01:58:36.720 Yeah.

01:58:37.040 But a lot of, I mean, there's a reason that touring musicians, you know,

01:58:41.720 it's just tour.

01:58:42.420 It's the touring.

01:58:43.160 There was a DJ who quit, who quit DJing.

01:58:45.700 I forget who it was.

01:58:47.300 And they were like, he was like, well, I'm doing too much drugs.

01:58:49.680 I can't do it.

01:58:50.180 So I got to stop DJing.

01:58:51.140 And people go, well, just don't do drugs while you DJ.

01:58:54.120 And he goes, hey, you just don't know the world.

01:58:56.200 You have to.

01:59:00.540 Yeah.

01:59:00.940 I don't know.

01:59:01.320 Try to self.

01:59:02.000 But yeah, Rogan, he just rules for it.

01:59:04.260 And it's a way of like, he's like, pay your openers well.

01:59:07.800 He was paying me $150 a set to MC.

01:59:11.020 The standard rate was 50.

01:59:12.720 He was paying 150.

01:59:14.100 And then paying, Joey Diaz would go with us also.

01:59:16.100 He's paying him also 150.

01:59:17.300 And the rate for the middle was 100.

01:59:19.220 And then one day he called me and Joey.

01:59:21.540 And he goes, hey, I'm sorry.

01:59:22.860 I'm giving you guys a raise.

01:59:24.200 But I'm like, no one's offering us that much.

01:59:27.400 Definitely not more.

01:59:28.340 He goes, no, you guys are headliners.

01:59:29.380 You should make headliner money.

01:59:30.460 I'm giving you 250 a set.

01:59:31.480 So we'd come home with like as much money as I would make pretty much on my own headlining.

01:59:38.780 That I never got any work, by the way.

01:59:40.900 But like, it would have been the same.

01:59:42.740 And also never touched my wallet and went out to the finest restaurants.

01:59:46.800 You know, it was great.

01:59:48.920 That's amazing.

01:59:49.700 Yeah.

01:59:49.840 Why do you think he does it?

01:59:53.780 Oh, I don't know.

01:59:55.000 He's a positive guy.

01:59:56.520 So for a while, he just brought Joey Diaz with him.

01:59:59.220 And then, and Joey was pretty coked up back then.

02:00:02.860 And sometimes he just would not show up.

02:00:07.040 And he could bring a local, but he had to be supportive to the scene.

02:00:10.420 He got to help guys that are struggling.

02:00:12.580 And he'd bring just Joey.

02:00:13.480 And then Joey would, he'd get to the airport.

02:00:15.160 And he's like, Joey, where are you?

02:00:16.040 Don't answer his phone.

02:00:17.240 And then he'd land in the new city.

02:00:18.500 He's like, where are you?

02:00:19.020 He goes, ah, something came up.

02:00:20.380 I missed my flight.

02:00:21.300 And it's like, I was at the airport.

02:00:22.540 He missed your flight.

02:00:23.380 He just, coke excuses, you know?

02:00:26.340 And so he's just like, he's unreliable.

02:00:28.040 He might not show up.

02:00:29.140 It became too much.

02:00:30.980 But instead of saying, you can't come anymore.

02:00:33.600 He goes, I'll just bring a second opener.

02:00:36.040 So if you don't come, I've still got somebody.

02:00:39.480 It's, it's nuts to have an employee go.

02:00:41.560 I just don't show up a lot.

02:00:42.420 Like, I guess I'll hire two employees then.

02:00:44.760 Just firing the guy.

02:00:46.520 He was like, he's too funny.

02:00:47.640 He's got to be supportive.

02:00:48.940 It's our responsibility.

02:00:51.180 That's remarkable.

02:00:52.200 Yeah.

02:00:52.500 So I try to do that with like young comics.

02:00:54.220 It's like, you know, it doesn't, one time I was.

02:00:57.460 Wait, so when your opener gets too high to, to show up at the airport, you're okay with it?

02:01:01.940 No, I've never had a guy like that.

02:01:03.020 People are too, whatever.

02:01:03.880 But like, no, I'm like, I'll pay for your meals.

02:01:05.700 If we're out like at a diner after spots, it's like, ah, I got it.

02:01:08.820 Don't worry about it.

02:01:09.360 Cause that's what Rogan, I remember one of those.

02:01:11.680 He was like brand new to LA.

02:01:13.320 He took us all out for like the standard hotel, um, late night food.

02:01:17.540 He paid like three times in a row.

02:01:19.120 I'm brand new to LA.

02:01:19.740 This isn't normal for someone.

02:01:21.060 You get around, but not consistently get rounds.

02:01:23.880 That's weird.

02:01:24.380 And we're at Carney's where it was a chili dog place.

02:01:28.760 And I was like, let me get this one.

02:01:30.140 I was broke.

02:01:31.580 I couldn't afford the standard hotel, but the Carney's like, it's $3 each, you know?

02:01:35.800 And, um, he goes, no, no, it's okay.

02:01:37.860 I'm like, dude, dude, please let me get it.

02:01:39.440 There's also like a, a man sort of like hierarchy thing.

02:01:42.360 You can't get paying for me.

02:01:43.280 I don't know you like that.

02:01:44.720 Um, and I insisted and he goes, okay, thank you.

02:01:48.940 Appreciate that.

02:01:49.900 And then later we're walking back to the Congress.

02:01:51.840 He goes, Hey, just so you know, like, it's not a power position when I pay for you.

02:01:54.680 It's just like that standard meal for me is, is about a quarter to you.

02:01:59.700 It's about worth a one, five nickels.

02:02:02.440 Yeah.

02:02:02.860 That's why I pay for it.

02:02:03.860 It doesn't, it's, it's meaningless.

02:02:06.400 It's not for power.

02:02:07.600 I thank you for buying me Carney's, but like, that's all I have more money.

02:02:11.400 So take some, you know, like if I could just, I could just

02:02:14.020 go get coffee at your spot.

02:02:15.680 I don't have to ask.

02:02:16.960 So when Rogan got attacked, when they tried to claim he was a racist of all things, um,

02:02:21.700 Oh yeah.

02:02:22.260 It didn't seem what it had like no effect and no effect.

02:02:25.540 Also comics supported him.

02:02:27.020 I think this is what you got to do when there's, there's this like meteor of hatred coming at

02:02:30.820 anybody.

02:02:31.380 You get it plenty.

02:02:32.800 Uh, other people have gotten to play.

02:02:34.000 It's just meat is solid ball.

02:02:35.660 And for a meteor to break up, it needs to start breaking up.

02:02:38.340 And you'd get the image where it's like a piece falls off.

02:02:40.280 A piece falls off in the atmosphere.

02:02:41.600 A piece falls off.

02:02:42.380 Peace falls off.

02:02:42.820 So what support does from other people in your industry, either broadcasting or comedy

02:02:48.020 is it shoots a fucking hole through that meteor, a little hole.

02:02:50.700 And that starts to break it up a lot faster.

02:02:52.660 And if you have a few commerce ago, guys, you just don't understand comedy.

02:02:56.080 That's just a joke.

02:02:56.980 He doesn't mean that you're out of your mind.

02:02:58.240 It creates doubt in the story.

02:03:01.500 That's right.

02:03:01.980 And then it breaks up really fast.

02:03:03.440 But when there's no doubt, it's just fucking ball that, sorry, that fucking blows everything

02:03:08.140 And what happened to, look, I don't know Louis C.K., but I, I, at the height of that, I

02:03:12.960 always thought he was really talented.

02:03:14.100 So I read about it and I, you know, whatever, it was embarrassing that story, but it was

02:03:18.380 not a crime that I could tell.

02:03:20.440 How did he wind up getting destroyed for that?

02:03:23.920 It became puritanical.

02:03:24.780 I think there's something in society, like, no matter if you're big, we want you down.

02:03:29.280 I think it's because it says something about me that I'm not big.

02:03:32.480 Instead of like, let me rise up to his level.

02:03:34.800 Right.

02:03:35.160 Let me take you down.

02:03:35.920 So in comedy, it works in a few ways.

02:03:38.600 You're an evil person.

02:03:40.060 You steal jokes.

02:03:41.580 You're hacky.

02:03:42.800 You're, um, um, racist.

02:03:45.960 Roseanne, racist.

02:03:47.080 Carlos Mencia steals jokes.

02:03:48.720 Uh, Larry, the cable guy, hacky.

02:03:50.820 These are all things I don't, you know, necessarily agree with or not agree with, but this is what

02:03:53.760 they say.

02:03:54.320 Uh, this guy lied about something.

02:03:56.140 Uh, this guy did that, but they just like, either way, I don't know.

02:03:58.680 Either way, we're going to take you down.

02:03:59.800 It's not about one thing.

02:04:01.080 If it was about one thing, I'd be like, this society doesn't like that thing.

02:04:04.760 Right.

02:04:05.040 But since it's about lots of things, it's like what the common factor is you're big,

02:04:08.980 you're all big.

02:04:09.600 Let's take it down.

02:04:12.840 Um, yeah, but Roseanne, she offered like a legitimate explanation.

02:04:17.020 That lady looks white.

02:04:18.440 I saw a picture of her.

02:04:19.680 She looks like an old Jewish lady.

02:04:20.900 Yeah.

02:04:21.800 And then it's like, that's a believable fucking retort.

02:04:25.700 But it's like, we want you out of here.

02:04:27.220 Do you know her, Roseanne?

02:04:28.440 I've met her a few times.

02:04:29.440 Great person.

02:04:30.240 Yeah.

02:04:30.420 I don't know her that well, but.

02:04:31.720 Truly a cool, interesting person.

02:04:34.320 Lunatic.

02:04:35.340 Absolutely.

02:04:35.740 Yeah.

02:04:35.940 A hundred percent.

02:04:36.960 But in touch with something deep.

02:04:39.920 She's not a shallow person.

02:04:41.040 She's got a vibe on stage and it's not even jokes.

02:04:42.960 It's just a vibe.

02:04:43.740 And she just gets people on a wave.

02:04:45.000 Like it's pretty, pretty special.

02:04:47.300 But, um, yeah, I don't know.

02:04:49.160 They go after Rogan.

02:04:49.760 They go after Louis.

02:04:50.480 I think it was that.

02:04:51.380 I think because what they were going after her for was puritanical.

02:04:54.300 Oh yeah.

02:04:55.300 It was, you're not doing sex the way we do.

02:04:57.620 But I mean, when I was in college, I started bringing up verbal consent and it was, it was

02:05:03.880 brought up by virgins who had never really experienced sex.

02:05:09.160 If you ask any normal woman, how they feel, if a guy's like, may I kiss you?

02:05:15.400 And they say, okay, yes.

02:05:16.960 May I touch your breast?

02:05:18.860 Like, dude, we're done here.

02:05:20.560 Yeah.

02:05:20.720 Cause you're weak.

02:05:21.900 Yeah.

02:05:22.100 You're weak.

02:05:22.960 Go for it.

02:05:23.740 And I'll say, no, that's how, you know, it's not like you're not holding them down.

02:05:28.060 You're just like, it's like, uh, I'm like, okay.

02:05:30.200 I mean, I've gone in for a kiss, but like, no, no, I don't see you like that.

02:05:32.460 I'm like, okay.

02:05:32.840 It's embarrassing.

02:05:33.840 Yeah.

02:05:34.080 I'm not going to do it again.

02:05:35.060 I feel shamed.

02:05:36.560 They try to like, that's okay.

02:05:37.700 I'm like, when was the last time that happened to you?

02:05:40.560 Um, yeah.

02:05:42.140 Uh, a long time ago.

02:05:43.600 Good.

02:05:44.040 Yeah.

02:05:44.200 Just checking.

02:05:44.720 Yeah.

02:05:45.120 Yeah.

02:05:45.480 A long time ago.

02:05:47.060 Um, yeah.

02:05:49.600 And it's like, but we were like, that doesn't work in real life.

02:05:52.020 Verbal consent.

02:05:52.900 And he got verbal consent.

02:05:57.740 May I do this?

02:05:59.260 Yes, you may.

02:06:00.800 Okay.

02:06:01.240 I'm going to do it.

02:06:02.940 Okay.

02:06:04.000 Fuck you.

02:06:04.760 No, it's, it's, and they actually took him out and they, yeah, they did.

02:06:10.880 And, and cause then people were like, well, I can't, I think that, so the friends of his

02:06:15.000 were like, no, we'll defend him.

02:06:15.940 Other people were like, you're putting me in a moral weird spot to, you're saying he's

02:06:22.040 this evil guy.

02:06:22.840 And if you defend evil and you're out, I mean, Norm MacDonald saying, Hey, I don't think, I

02:06:27.080 don't think Roseanne meant that.

02:06:28.700 And they go, well, now you're off at tonight's show tonight.

02:06:32.060 And he goes, I'm not excusing it.

02:06:33.620 I'm saying it wasn't the right person.

02:06:36.540 If, if somebody goes to me, like, uh, fuck Seth Rogan, he's anti-trans and he's, his, his

02:06:41.380 podcast only has this.

02:06:42.500 I'm like, Oh, I think you mean Joe Rogan.

02:06:44.100 They're like, fuck you.

02:06:44.800 Don't tell me what to think.

02:06:46.920 You know what I mean?

02:06:47.940 And it's like, you can't even argue with the, you're getting the wrong, you're at the

02:06:51.340 wrong door.

02:06:52.360 You're at the wrong door.

02:06:53.600 That's what happened to what's her name?

02:06:54.640 That black chick got shot through the fucking wall.

02:06:56.380 They went to the wrong house.

02:06:58.700 What's her name?

02:07:00.200 Oh, they had, say her name, say her name, say her name.

02:07:02.460 I never did say her name though.

02:07:03.740 So I can't remember.

02:07:04.620 Yeah.

02:07:04.700 Damn.

02:07:05.060 Wow.

02:07:05.900 It shows you what kind of person I am, but it's like, they're going to the wrong house

02:07:09.320 and you're like, you're at the wrong house.

02:07:10.200 Like, don't you tell me you're an evil person.

02:07:12.700 So they made people feel weird about even defending Louie, but it was like, what are you talking

02:07:16.840 about?

02:07:17.800 It's crazy.

02:07:19.100 Yeah, whatever.

02:07:19.760 But it's also when you just take a step back from it, it's, it's all comical.

02:07:23.540 If you don't take any personal, like I know that guy it's.

02:07:26.300 So here's the game I play.

02:07:28.700 It's called defend them.

02:07:29.820 That's what I was going to tell you.

02:07:30.720 And it doesn't work with full rapists.

02:07:32.700 Okay.

02:07:32.960 But anyone else, imagine they were your friend and you had to explain to people, Louie's

02:07:38.420 a good example of why someone's not wrong.

02:07:42.200 There was a comedian in, uh, in the UK where at the Edinburgh festival and he was doing a,

02:07:45.780 it was called, uh, when heresy met Sally, this guy, Finn Taylor, he's, he's a great comic.

02:07:50.180 And he takes these long, he goes at one year, he did a Whitey McWhitersen was this, was

02:07:54.960 this hour.

02:07:55.480 It was all about just white people and the culture.

02:07:58.240 And he takes every side, South Park style, every side.

02:08:01.060 And when heresy met Sally, he had some great lines in there.

02:08:03.460 He goes, men are the only ones that rape ourselves.

02:08:05.560 He goes, women, you ever have sex with a guy?

02:08:06.920 And then it gets weird the next day.

02:08:07.900 He goes, he didn't want to have sex.

02:08:09.560 You raped him.

02:08:10.440 You talked him into it.

02:08:11.440 Um, and he did this thing about Louie and he goes, he asked him some, some women, if

02:08:16.060 he could do that.

02:08:16.680 And they said no.

02:08:17.200 And I guess he did it anyway.

02:08:18.460 And I saw him afterwards like, Hey, great special.

02:08:20.720 Same thing as the other one.

02:08:21.940 But like, just so you know, that's not the facts are wrong.

02:08:24.440 Do what you want.

02:08:25.100 Just like that rabbi told me, but like they did say yes.

02:08:27.760 He goes, oh shit.

02:08:28.860 And to his credit, he changed it.

02:08:30.720 She changed it.

02:08:31.260 He was like, I don't want to get it wrong.

02:08:32.420 So he changed it.

02:08:33.640 Made it still a funny joke, but like, let me get the facts right.

02:08:36.420 Definitely.

02:08:37.620 Um, so anyway.

02:08:40.500 Anyway, we're all, wait, fuck.

02:08:43.780 I haven't smoked weed today at all.

02:08:46.160 Yeah, I know.

02:08:48.160 It's this place.

02:08:49.960 Wait, let me just ask you who you, you know, Louis CK, but are there people you would defend

02:08:55.160 who you don't know?

02:08:55.680 Yeah.

02:08:55.800 Okay.

02:08:56.060 So that's the game.

02:08:56.680 Thank you.

02:08:57.160 It's defend them.

02:08:57.920 So act as if they're your friend and say what happened.

02:09:01.380 So with Louis, it's like, he asked someone for two girls come back to your hotel room,

02:09:07.020 which by the way, always implies women aren't idiots.

02:09:10.500 You know what they want.

02:09:11.980 At least, you know what they want.

02:09:13.940 No victim blaming.

02:09:14.940 But if I walk out with a hundred dollars, but there are no surprises.

02:09:18.140 If you could, right.

02:09:18.860 This is, you know what this is probably.

02:09:20.940 Exactly.

02:09:21.280 So you could be like, let's meet downstairs.

02:09:22.780 If you don't want that.

02:09:25.100 Okay.

02:09:25.580 So you're at least putting a guy in a weird position.

02:09:27.640 If I walk out with a hundred dollar bill in the get an Avenue D in New York and I get

02:09:31.660 robbed, I shouldn't get robbed.

02:09:33.680 But also like, right.

02:09:35.880 Don't do that.

02:09:36.980 You know?

02:09:38.280 So anyway, if you defend him, it's like he asked for verbal consent and got it.

02:09:42.500 And they go, well, as high powered manager, try to shut these girls up or this is a defend

02:09:47.540 them game or his friend, his manager slash his friend was saying, Hey, can you shut the

02:09:52.880 fuck up?

02:09:53.220 He's married.

02:09:54.000 Yeah.

02:09:54.200 Can you shut the fuck up?

02:09:55.100 And not he's silencing them, but just like, Hey, quit saying this shit about my, my fucking

02:09:59.840 friend.

02:10:00.460 Use your head.

02:10:01.300 He's married.

02:10:03.180 That's not the same as like trying to silence a fucking female voice.

02:10:07.020 And Janine said this on a podcast.

02:10:08.740 She goes, we all thought it was funny when it happened.

02:10:10.720 We all thought it was like, what a dork he is.

02:10:13.180 Yes.

02:10:13.580 Which is great.

02:10:14.520 Yes.

02:10:14.800 A guy who jerks off in his stomach should be mocked.

02:10:17.220 Of course.

02:10:17.900 But should continue to work.

02:10:20.240 Anyway.

02:10:20.740 So defend them.

02:10:21.480 John Gruden.

02:10:22.420 Remember that?

02:10:23.160 No.

02:10:23.560 He's a, he was a coach for the Tampa Bay Bucks.

02:10:26.360 Yeah.

02:10:26.680 It's a sports team.

02:10:27.500 I know you're not into that.

02:10:29.260 I've heard of him.

02:10:30.040 Okay.

02:10:30.480 He's just a coach for the Raiders.

02:10:31.860 And in the interim, he worked for ESPN and he was talking to the owner of the Redskins

02:10:36.480 online, his buddy, he was friends with him and they were shitting on Roger Goodell, the

02:10:43.300 commissioner of the league.

02:10:44.200 Good for them.

02:10:44.800 And he called them the F word for gays.

02:10:47.020 Yeah.

02:10:47.440 He goes, I said, whatever.

02:10:48.820 And they were like, you said this.

02:10:50.120 And it was in leaked emails and an investigation into Daniel Snyder, the owner of the Redskins.

02:10:53.560 The owner of the Redskins.

02:10:54.900 And they leaked this stuff on purpose.

02:10:57.580 And they go, what's that?

02:10:58.720 He said, I go, okay.

02:10:59.840 It's either a homophobic slur or it's an employee privately with another employee talking shit

02:11:06.820 about their boss.

02:11:08.300 Who's by the way, hetero.

02:11:10.540 So to call it.

02:11:11.020 Is he, is that confirmed?

02:11:12.520 I don't know.

02:11:14.100 He's more hetero than fucking Tim Dillon.

02:11:17.340 But so it's just a guy talking shit about their boss privately.

02:11:20.980 That doesn't sound nearly as bad.

02:11:23.020 Defend them.

02:11:23.520 Play the defend them game.

02:11:24.420 And you'll realize, oh, actually people are not these evil monsters that you think.

02:11:27.440 I love that.

02:11:28.300 Yeah.

02:11:28.480 Do you have forbidden figures in there too?

02:11:29.840 It's only people you know.

02:11:31.280 Oh, so you research it.

02:11:32.740 It's almost like a parlor game at a party.

02:11:34.760 Who do you play this with?

02:11:35.680 You could do it at a house party, but people like don't want to be the one defending, especially

02:11:39.180 liberals, or actually the other way.

02:11:41.280 Yeah.

02:11:41.560 If it's like super Republicans.

02:11:43.060 Yeah.

02:11:43.340 Most of us are in the middle somewhere.

02:11:44.640 80% of us are in the middle somewhere.

02:11:46.060 And the fucking vocal parts of each side are way, way out there.

02:11:50.760 It's like Islam.

02:11:51.440 It's like the fucking, the ones you're running in are the fucking bomb makers.

02:11:55.200 Yeah.

02:11:55.400 The most of them are just like, you're supposed to love your wife.

02:11:57.560 Yeah, exactly.

02:11:59.800 So they don't like it.

02:12:00.940 If you pull fucking AOC out, you know, about something and you're a fucking hardcore Republican,

02:12:06.440 you're like, ah, you got a defender.

02:12:08.420 Defender.

02:12:09.180 And you're like, all right, let me look into this.

02:12:11.200 And it's kind of debate club.

02:12:12.600 And you realize no one's a fucking monster.

02:12:15.160 The monsters are gone.

02:12:16.120 Again, doesn't work with credible accusations of rape.

02:12:18.740 So your talented study is coming in handy through lifelong.

02:12:21.000 Like you're looking at all sides of the question.

02:12:23.100 It's a fun game at a party.

02:12:24.720 You put a few people's names in a hat and you pick one out and you go, go.

02:12:29.020 Have you ever defended someone you don't like?

02:12:30.580 Yeah, all the time.

02:12:31.300 And you realize, oh shit, if that was my friend, I would see the good in him.

02:12:34.480 That's not the case.

02:12:36.260 Or this story was wrong.

02:12:37.340 Where they left out a certain part of the story to get their way.

02:12:40.100 You know, the cops in the Rodney King beating.

02:12:43.680 You know that?

02:12:44.180 How they cut out the first seven minutes?

02:12:45.560 Of course.

02:12:46.040 And it's like, doesn't excuse beating someone much, but it does somewhat excuse.

02:12:50.820 It does explain it better.

02:12:51.960 Exactly.

02:12:52.320 When he's fighting to a standstill with three cops, by the way, if you punch a cop, they're

02:12:56.820 going to punch you back.

02:12:57.740 You think?

02:12:58.340 They're going to go hard.

02:12:59.420 Yeah.

02:12:59.700 That's the deal.

02:13:00.560 And he's fighting to a standstill with three of them and they come in like, you don't do

02:13:03.760 that to our fucking friends.

02:13:04.760 But if you start with seven cops beating a guy, like he's defenseless.

02:13:09.280 You're like, well, yeah, you're not seeing the whole story.

02:13:11.220 If I call you a piece of shit and then we cut to you walking alone, it looks like you're

02:13:17.620 walking sad alone because I called you a piece of shit.

02:13:20.480 But that's not the real story.

02:13:22.280 You know, we're having a good time.

02:13:23.660 Exactly.

02:13:25.720 So anyway, defend him.

02:13:26.900 It's a fun game.

02:13:28.060 I'm going to play tonight.

02:13:29.180 Yeah.

02:13:29.420 Try it.

02:13:30.260 Again, it does not work with rapids.

02:13:31.960 Actually, you know what I'm going to do?

02:13:32.540 I'm going to defend you.

02:13:33.580 Okay.

02:13:34.140 Yeah.

02:13:34.360 All right.

02:13:34.940 Yeah.

02:13:35.080 He's a good guy.

02:13:35.900 Yeah.

02:13:36.240 All right, Shafir.

02:13:36.720 Thank you.

02:13:37.420 Buddy, it was great to meet you.

02:13:38.320 It really was.

02:13:38.900 It was awesome.

02:13:39.440 It was great to meet you.

02:13:39.920 Thank you.

02:13:40.280 Yeah.

02:13:40.760 You know, I did not tell my mom I was coming to meet you.

02:13:42.660 Why?

02:13:42.820 She's not a fan.

02:13:43.460 She's a fan.

02:13:44.880 It's all these people.

02:13:46.040 And I'm like, he was an anti-war guy at Fox News who followed the dead.

02:13:50.880 He's not.

02:13:51.960 How is he that guy that you think he is?

02:13:53.660 Well, you can't be anti-war.

02:13:54.600 That means you're a fascist.

02:13:56.200 It's racist to be anti-war.

02:13:57.080 I thought you were going to go different with the FAA.

02:13:59.380 With the what?

02:14:00.040 With the FAA.

02:14:00.660 You started saying fascist, I thought you were going to say something else.

02:14:02.480 No, no, no, no.

02:14:03.760 Because I learned you can't even call Roger Goodell that.

02:14:06.400 Yeah, exactly.

02:14:08.020 So I wonder.

02:14:09.460 Buddy, it was great to meet you.

02:14:10.420 I want you to do my travel podcast.

02:14:11.980 Done?

02:14:12.360 I know you've been places.

02:14:13.060 You have a travel podcast?

02:14:13.940 Yeah.

02:14:14.320 It's called You Be Trippin'.

02:14:15.940 It's just about a place.

02:14:16.940 No politics.

02:14:18.060 Man, there's one thing I've done a lot of is travel.

02:14:19.920 Yeah.

02:14:20.660 Yeah.

02:14:21.180 And I think it's the most educational thing you can do.

02:14:23.940 Yeah.

02:14:24.440 I really believe that.

02:14:25.340 I don't know why more people don't do it.

02:14:26.940 Oh, it's so great.

02:14:27.460 I feel like our rich people in this country, I am one, but they don't travel right.

02:14:31.520 Yeah.

02:14:32.120 Like they go, they kind of recreate their own lives with better service in a foreign

02:14:37.140 country.

02:14:37.500 But the whole point of travel is to learn how other people live.

02:14:40.360 Yeah.

02:14:40.660 Read the local newspaper if you-

02:14:41.800 A hundred percent.

02:14:42.480 Yeah.

02:14:43.340 Instead of how do I get the New York Times here?

02:14:44.820 Good.

02:14:45.020 Call me.

02:14:45.280 I'd do it.

02:14:46.040 Okay.

02:14:46.580 Perfect.

02:14:47.100 Okay.

02:14:47.440 You ever in New York?

02:14:48.820 No, I don't go to New York.

02:14:49.520 Okay.

02:14:50.000 Well, or whatever.

02:14:51.080 Let's do it.

02:14:51.700 All right.

02:14:52.100 Okay.

02:14:52.640 Thanks, man.

02:14:53.160 Thanks, buddy.

02:14:55.500 Thanks for listening to the Tucker Carlson Show.

02:14:57.240 If you enjoyed it, you can go to tuckercarlson.com to see everything that we have made.

02:15:02.000 The complete library.

02:15:04.160 Tuckercarlson.com.

The Tucker Carlson Show - July 09, 2024

Ari Shaffir： Growing Up Orthodox, How Joe Rogan Saved Comedy, and the Infamous Kobe Bryant Joke

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