Carmela Harris lost her arm at the age of 13 when she was hit by a shark off the coast of Long Beach, California. She was left paralysed and unable to surf again. But she never gave up on her dream of returning to the waves. And she did just that. In this episode, hear how she overcame her fear of the ocean and surfed again, and how she became a better surfer and surfer-in-training. She also talks about how she was able to get back in the water after losing her arm, and the lessons she learned from her experience with fear. And how she uses her experience as a surfer to teach others how to overcome their fears and live a life of purpose and purposelessness. Sponsors! Securian Canada - Securien Canada has been helping Canadians build secure tomorrows. Their insurance solutions are designed to help protect you and your loved ones financially, giving you the peace of mind to focus on what truly matters. Find their products through banks, credit unions, and associations, or visit securianca.ca/insurance to find the right coverage can make all the difference in life. Whether in the game or in life, the right service can make you the best possible day-to-day care plan for your family and the ones you truly care for. This episode was produced by Tucker Carlson and Jason Whitlock. We are working on a live reaction to the Democratic National Convention in Philadelphia, PA on Thursday, September 20th. Join us live in real-time to watch the Democratic Convention live on Sept. on Sept 20th at 9/21st at 9:30pm ET, 9/10/11/19th at 7/28th @ 7/7/28 @ 9/8/19 at 8/9/19 @ 7:00pm and 9/28/19/19 . Thanks for listening and supporting us! Thank you so much for listening, Tucker and Jason and Bethany Hamilton Your support is so much appreciated, thank you for supporting us, we really appreciate it, and we really do appreciate it. -Tucker and I m looking forward to seeing you, too, Thank you, bye! -Merry Christmas! Love, Caitlyn and Andrea -Alyssa and Ariana, Sarah, Sarah and Erica, Kristy, Kristy and Brian
00:02:02.300And over time, I think facing them over and over and over again,
00:02:06.680I eventually became less fearful of sharks, so to say.
00:02:11.940And it's funny, I've heard that sharks and motivational speaking are, like, people's two greatest fears.
00:02:21.340And that's, like, the two things that I do.
00:02:23.700I surf with sharks in the ocean or, like, you know, overcome my, like, incident with the shark.
00:02:29.860And then I do motivational speaking, which I would say I didn't like that at first.
00:02:34.900But eventually I overcame that, like, that dislike or that fear or that uncomfortability.
00:02:41.360And I think so often in life, we naturally want to, like, run from discomfort, you know?
00:02:47.340We want to make things as easy and comfortable as possible.
00:02:51.320And so if you can learn to recognize that sometimes you can't do that and sometimes you have to, like, walk into uncomfortable, you know?
00:03:00.700I find in, like, relationships, for example, sometimes you have to have the uncomfortable conversations to make that relationship more beautiful.
00:03:49.540When you're, as a surfer, there's certain spots that you're like, ooh, I got the heebie-jeebies here.
00:03:55.060Or, you know, when you surf at sunset hour or if the water is a little more murky, you're like, ooh, this feels a little more, like, sketchy or more uncomfortable.
00:04:02.760So, I started off in, like, the shallow, clear, blue waters.
00:04:07.180And so, my initial surf with one arm wasn't filled with a deep fear.
00:04:13.240Like, of course, I was thinking of them.
00:04:25.860I basically went as soon as the doctor said I could, and my healing was really fast because everything was really clean cut, and I had a great surgeon.
00:04:36.060And, you know, I just had one of those cases that was, I would say, a little easier than most, you know, traumatic limb loss.
00:04:45.900And so, here I am, less than four weeks later, getting back on my board.
00:07:20.680And now, fast forward, I'm a mom of four, and I'm passing on my love to my children.
00:07:25.260Yeah, um, you don't, I'm just so struck when you said breakfast to end, your total lack of bitterness or self-pity, um, which leads to optimism and joyfulness, of course.
00:07:40.580But how, how long did that take to reach?
00:07:43.960I am so grateful, you know, I have, my mom was very encouraging to me in my childhood to know God and to have faith.
00:07:54.700And so, I look at my 13-year-old self and really think, like, childlike faith.
00:07:59.680Like, that's what Bethany had at that time.
00:08:02.260Um, and that helped me to overcome that season and to be grateful for life.
00:08:07.940Like, I woke up thinking, I could have died, but I'm still here, and I'm so grateful to be alive.
00:08:13.840And even though my life felt upside down and my future felt uncertain and, like, it was obviously a really hard, chaotic time.
00:08:22.240Um, but I had this peace that I believe only God can bring, um, that even though I didn't know what my future was going to hold, I trust that there's more for my life, and I'm grateful to be alive.
00:08:35.900And that gratitude really pushed me forward, I think.
00:08:41.180I didn't, like, sit and focus on, like, the negative of the situation and how awful it was.
00:08:46.100And I would even say, too, like, I did media really early on, um, kind of willingly, like, as a little 13-year-old, because I had a heart for other people, and I wanted to encourage other people.
00:08:59.040And so, I started surfing four weeks later, and then people were like, oh, my gosh, this little girl's, like, learning how to surf with one arm right after she loses her arm to a shark.
00:09:14.900And I would get letters from all different walks of life, like, inmates to, like, people all over the world, like, little girls, like, if Bethany can surf with one arm, I can overcome my challenge.
00:09:26.440And so, I had a heart for other people, and so I was willing to talk about my story and, like, share what I had went through and my desire to keep going and overcoming.
00:09:35.440And, but I think talking about it really helped me to overcome the traumatic side of it, like, just facing that traumatic incident and talking about it.
00:09:46.880Like, now, I think I can think about that exact moment, and I don't feel, like, overwhelmed with sadness or anger or, you know, it's just, it is what it is sort of a feeling.
00:09:58.280Um, and I think talking about it really helped that in itself.
00:10:02.500But you, if I understood you correctly, you woke up the next day after losing your arm feeling grateful?
00:10:10.380I was in the hospital, and I was just really grateful to be alive.
00:10:14.000And I think the doctors painted the picture of, like, hey, you lost over 60% of your blood, you could have died, like, it's a blessing that you're still here.
00:10:23.520But more importantly, I trusted that God had more for my life in that.
00:11:37.220And so doing it with one arm, I think that also gave me confidence to face the other challenges in my life.
00:11:44.320I'm like, if I can surf with one arm, what else is possible with one arm in, like, all the other areas of my life.
00:11:49.240So it really set me on this trajectory to be willing to adapt and to just make the most of what I have and have got.
00:11:57.060And so, lo and behold, little Bethany just adapting in every which way.
00:12:02.900Did you ever think you would have four children?
00:12:05.420I always really looked forward to being a mom.
00:12:08.320And I think because my mom had so much fun with me and I was a parent that she loved being a mom and that she loved adventuring with me and my brothers, that showed.
00:12:20.380And so I think that inspired me to want to be a mom.
00:12:23.500And so, yeah, fast forward, being a mom is such a joy in my life.
00:12:29.220And I always thought I would have three, but here we are, we have four.
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00:21:55.480What did you think, I mean, what did that do to your relationship with your mom?
00:22:13.300Did you get along with her when she was homeschooling?
00:22:15.520Yeah, you know, I think like most teenagers, we got along, but there was like a little sandpaper too.
00:22:22.060Um, she did the best she could and in hindsight, I look back and I'm like, you know, I had some teenage vibes going on, but for the most part, like, yeah, I think for the most part, we had a really awesome relationship and my parents would take turns traveling with me.
00:22:38.040So, you know, we lived in Hawaii, price of living is really high and they're just barely scraping by, but they still gave me so much to support me.
00:23:56.720But I also think we make it more of a beast than we need to be.
00:24:01.400And can you just, I mean, think a lot of people, um, well, certainly my age whose kids are grown, you know, sort of think, well, I probably should have done that.
00:24:12.440But now with, you know, the sort of obvious evil going on in government schools and private schools, I think a lot of people would like to homeschool.
00:24:26.280The rate of homeschool is grown by like millions and millions of more Americans homeschooling.
00:24:32.540And so what's really cool is there is a lot of resources and tools and information to make it more possible.
00:24:40.640And I think a lot of people get overwhelmed at the thought of homeschool because you think of traditional school, which is seven hours a day.
00:24:49.160But a lot of that time is wasted time that isn't actually learning or educating.
00:24:54.960And so taking the model and changing it to be less than two hours a day.
00:25:03.120And chances are they're learning more than they would in a school day.
00:26:17.720And so I think seeing them worked hard was really inspiring for me because I just saw them dedicate a lot to me, but also work really hard.
00:26:27.740And I think a lot of people are overwhelmed at the thought of homeschool because, you know, parenting in itself is pretty hard.
00:26:38.620Um, but I wonder why it's become so hard for us.
00:26:42.520Like, for me, I've had to unpack a lot of, like, my habits or, you know, things that I'm not necessarily proud of.
00:26:50.740Like, you know, I had a season where I was really, like, short-tempered and, like, I had to work through some health things to get on to the other side of that and, like, support myself to better mother my children.
00:27:02.660And I look back on that season and I hate that version of myself.
00:27:06.640Like, I mean, I'm forgiving of her, but I'm like, why was I like...
00:27:47.100Like, sometimes, you know, I would want to just, like, wind down.
00:27:50.060And I stopped doing that and I would just focus on getting to bed sooner, making sure I'm eating enough in the day, getting enough protein and carbs throughout the day.
00:27:59.500And just making some health shifts that really, like, changed who I was.
00:28:06.960I'm way more, like, I can hold the needs of my children and their emotions because children are more, like, they're not as emotionally stable.
00:28:15.660And I really think that we help them stabilize by how we are.
00:28:31.540We need to, like, hold steady while they're having their tantrum and, like, help them work through that.
00:28:37.220And so, yeah, mothering's taught me a lot and has challenged me in ways that no other role in life has challenged me.
00:28:47.640And, but I'm so grateful for that because it's sharpened me.
00:28:51.080It's made me, you know, really have to dig deeper and, like, work through my issues and work through my challenges that were some, some of them were probably learned, too.
00:29:01.740Like, my mom's, my parents are amazing, but I still, like, had some learned habits that weren't great that I needed to, like, unlearn and, like, reform and currently still working through some of them.
00:29:14.040But, you know, for the most part, I can look back on this season that wasn't so good.
00:29:19.260And I'm so grateful that I was willing to adopt and challenge myself and look for help and educate myself and dive into health and, like, be an advocate for myself because at the end of the day, nobody else was going to do that for me.
00:29:33.620And fast forward even to, like, the influence I have on my household and, like, helping my husband to be healthy and helping him to take ownership in that area as, like, the leader of our household.
00:29:48.080And now I'm, like, just the alignment that we have as a family, as a married couple, like, continually working through the different little challenges along the way.
00:29:59.300And I think that, you know, we look through some of the challenges we've had along the way, and our children are watching this, and we're literally their role models, and we're shaping this next generation.
00:30:22.460And so there's a lot of weight that comes with that, and I feel like society has let go of that in a sense of, like, we're just, we're going to school, and we're going to sports, and we're just trying to get by.
00:30:36.800And there's lack of intentionality in the household.
00:30:39.900And so I think I have a heart to not only work with teenagers, specifically in America, and help them to think through their future better, but now, like, seeing the influence that, you know, the family has in society, it's so important.
00:30:56.600And so going back to, like, the foundation of the family, husband and wife, and what does that relationship look like, and how can you, you know, work through your challenges together and overcome together so that you grow closer together as you go through life rather than growing apart.
00:31:13.600And, yeah, just seeing the way society is now, and, like, the attack on the family, and the attack on young people, and their gender, so to say, and, like, the way social media has a role in society, there's a lot that's not good, and that we have to, like, think through and be intentional about, and so, yeah.
00:31:38.340You said there's a lack of intentional behavior, intentionality in the household.
00:31:46.120I feel like kind of, like, what I would want to word it is maybe it's just a passiveness.
00:31:54.440Like, we're just kind of being passive about things, and we're letting things happen versus, like, choosing how we see things happen in the household.
00:32:03.880We're just being passive and letting our children grow up, letting them see and learn whatever they can learn out in society.
00:32:11.900You know, children are given iPads and iPhones super young, and they're instantly being, like, told a lot of different compelling things that aren't necessarily filled with truth.
00:32:24.340And so, I think as a role as a mom and, you know, my husband as a father, you know, we're thinking through that because our children are still young, but our nine-year-old is going to be a teenager in, you know, a few years, and, like, life's going to change.
00:32:42.640And so, how can we be proactive and not just be passive in his life, but really, like, mentor him and speak into his life and, you know, help him find his career path, so to say, and help him to become a brave and leading young man, even if his nature isn't necessarily a leader.
00:33:04.240Actually, our eldest is a natural leader, but I'm just saying, like, we'll look at our other boys, and maybe they won't be natural-born leaders, but they're going to have to lead at some point.
00:33:14.240And so, equipping them to lead and, like, showing them the way more than just by example, but really, like, coming alongside of them and helping them find their way until they truly are ready to spread their wings.
00:33:27.680And then letting them know that the phone is always there and, like, the arms are always open, so.
00:33:34.380So, you said that you've got three boys and one daughter.
00:33:43.280But that all your boys are going to have to be leaders.
00:33:45.920What did you mean, and how would you train them to be leaders?
00:33:48.620Yeah, you know, I just think of the God-given beauty of marriage and matrimony and that relationship, and when done right, like, the man is meant to be the leader.
00:34:05.580And I feel, or I think that in society, you know, with the current culture, especially in America, a lot of that's been flipped upside down and disregarded, and it's not serving society, in my opinion.
00:34:22.880Yeah, how is that working, flipping that upside down?
00:34:25.080Like, just the woman is maybe, maybe she's not overtly leading the household, but maybe she's manipulating the household, or maybe she's living in the same household, but doing her own thing, and it's just kind of like two separate lives together, but, like, she's doing her own thing and not really necessarily following a lead.
00:34:47.000Or maybe it's simply that the husband isn't leading, and he's being passive, and that is affecting the household in ways that maybe the husband and wife don't really realize, and it's harmful, and it doesn't serve the household.
00:35:05.940And it's hard to recognize it at first, but at some point, it will backfire, and I think that's partially why there's so many broken marriages now, but there's so much we could impact there, right?
00:35:20.540There's so much to society that is broken and lacking wholeness, and, you know, maybe the husband isn't being faithful, or maybe the wife is being, you know, reacting in a way that's pushing him away, and there's just so much to unpack, you know?
00:35:39.760I'm not, like, a marriage expert, and, you know, I don't know.
00:35:42.860I think you've identified the big ones, though.
00:35:45.360Actually, it sounds like you are a marriage expert, because you've just described the many varieties of dysfunction.
00:35:50.540In a household, the passive husband is a much more common thing than it used to be.
00:35:56.180Yeah, and it's hard, because a lot of, like, what we know is what we've been taught, or what we've, you know, learned from our own parents, and so you could hardly blame the husband for being that way.
00:36:09.740They maybe never had someone come alongside of them and truly show them the way in a healthy way, or simply having conversations that are intentional around this area.
00:36:20.540Like, hey, like, these are things you're going to need to do as, like, the leader of your household.
00:36:24.920Like, just simple conversations that are never held.
00:36:27.740If you were to give that advice to one of your boys, what would you say?
00:36:30.440Oh, I mean, from a mother's perspective, it's just knowing that, like, hey, like, you need to provide for your wife mentally, emotionally, and physically.
00:36:41.720And what that looks like is this, this, this, and this.
00:36:44.600And if she's reacting in certain ways, it's likely that you're not providing in one of those key points.
00:36:53.240And so being willing to problem solve as, like, a husband, and, you know, to be honest, like, it's because I've felt this in my own marriage.
00:37:01.400And having to work through that with my husband and rather than, like, letting, like, the darkness tear us apart and pull us apart, like, our faith has grown us closer.
00:37:19.260We've had to work through some of our issues.
00:37:21.140And just seeing him grow as the leader of our household has been really beautiful.
00:38:27.800And that's why I talked, like, when I started, opened up this little can of worms.
00:38:31.820I was, like, talking about it from the perspective of, like, society.
00:38:36.640Why is there so much brokenness in society?
00:38:39.300We've lost our problem-solving abilities.
00:38:42.260And instead of, like, you know, having those deep, meaningful conversations that are essential over time, not having those conversations, then they just break apart.
00:39:28.700And that's why, like, I always bring up my health journey.
00:39:32.380It's not like I went super deep in on that.
00:39:34.920But realizing that I needed the energy, you know, throughout the whole day, not half of the day, the whole day until I make it to my bed at bedtime.
00:39:44.220I need the energy to serve my family well.
00:39:47.420And so I'm very passionate about health because I recognize that, like, the common meme is, like, but first coffee.
00:39:55.020But first, like, I need some me time to, like, survive this chaos.
00:39:59.640But we're really not as resilient as we should be because our health isn't being supported in the way that it needs to be to be the best mother, to be the best wife, to be the best daughter in life.
00:40:13.200And so first supporting yourself so that you can overcome the hardship that comes your way.
00:40:20.900And so for me, like, you know, I'm not watching Netflix or TV or anything at bedtime.
00:40:29.420I'm going to bed or I'm having a conversation with my husband.
00:40:33.220So it's, like, the relationship and my health first before any entertainment.
00:40:40.080Did you feel like, just to pause on this for a second, because I think it's a big thing, particularly for busy people, people with little kids, it's like, all right, the second they go to bed, I'm just going to zone out in my own world with Netflix or whatever.
00:41:07.440Like, you know, I do try to find, you know, a 20, 30 minute, sometimes hour and a half window for myself in the day, which that looks like surfing or getting a little movement or going on a walk or laying in my bed praying or doing something just by myself for a quick minute.
00:41:25.500But there's, like, so much time that is wasted, whether it's scrolling on social media or watching TV.
00:42:58.940I know not everyone can just have a separate extra device.
00:43:01.540But if you can, and if it is stealing that much of your time, then maybe it's worth investing that extra little chunk if you aren't willing to give it up.
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00:45:36.040So it sounds like you're, when you said households are not intentional in the way that they make decisions live.
00:45:57.300Yeah, it's almost like we're more reactive to life rather than proactive.
00:46:02.480So reacting to what comes our way and just kind of reacting to the time and just doing what we have to do to kind of get by versus like planning and being proactive and saying no to certain things and saying, you know, like choosing what comes in the household and how we use our time and how we converse with one another.
00:46:22.680And, you know, I think of like the marriage is the foundation of the household.
00:46:27.480And so being proactive in that relationship and like really working for that rather than letting time kind of turn it into this passive relationship that eventually fizzles out because we weren't proactive in it.
00:46:43.640And so, yeah, it'd be fun if Adam was here, he could speak to that in his own sense.
00:46:50.260And I am grateful to God for him every single day.
00:46:53.640And we've had our own journey of like growing and learning and becoming more proactive and like working through our challenges.
00:47:02.360One thing I'm struck by is you keep coming back to time, how you spend time.
00:47:09.200And when you said that homeschooling can be done, a child can be educated to at least the standard of a public school in two hours.
00:47:17.100And then you said, but for most parents, just like send your kids to school, take them to sports.
00:47:20.740Because there's like a whole kind of program that families sign up for that they have no control over at all that may or may not be good for their children and they just react to it.
00:47:30.840But you're instead figuring out how to spend, you know, the other 22 hours of the day with your kids.
00:47:37.240That's a big change from the way most people live.
00:48:12.360And so I was this last generation to like, I grew up diving into the ocean and swimming with turtles and going surfing and playing kick the can in the yard and filming little movies on a camcorder that were like gory.
00:48:28.740And we'd put ketchup on my left arm and like we were truly children, like filming horror movies in our backyard because it was hilarious and funny.
00:48:39.560And now I look at this generation and you'll be driving and you'll see kids on the side of the road hunched over looking at devices, waiting for their school bus.
00:48:48.420Like not full of life, like not full of joy and beauty and passion and creativity, but rather being sent into this society realm that is just passive.
00:49:54.560I loved my childhood, even the, the hardship that I faced, like it created me to be an overcomer, to be an adapter, to be someone who has to work through a challenge in a healthy way.
00:50:49.980I think being like a nature lover and someone who like grew up in nature and like found my creativity in waves.
00:50:57.360Granted, both my brothers were great ocean men as well.
00:51:00.800They were like really talented on waves.
00:51:02.600So it wasn't like they were so stuck to the gaming that they didn't go surf.
00:51:06.920But I saw this like side that I just didn't like.
00:51:10.340And I was like, there's no way I'm allowing that in my household as I grow up or as I'm raising my children because I want them to be creating.
00:51:18.360And, you know, I want them to just be super healthy.
00:51:22.380I think too, like I have like a unique perspective of like being a former professional athlete, really having to push it physically and mentally.
00:51:33.000And like knowing that I had to support that nutritionally and just through various avenues of health.
00:51:40.040I now bring that into my household and I'm like, if there's one area in your life as a parent to not be passive, it's like, well, actually, I don't think I can narrow it down to one thing.
00:52:25.680Well, I guess you have to go on the journey yourself first.
00:52:31.360You have to be able to know what you believe.
00:52:35.120You know, my parents encouraged me to know God at a young age in the Christian faith.
00:52:40.960And I mentioned earlier, after I lost my arm, I had a peace that I believe only God could have brought like through that season, even though it felt chaotic and upside down and like the most unimaginable happened to me.
00:52:55.840And I'm a very rare human to have that circumstance.
00:53:00.340But even in the chaos, I had a sense of peace that God was with me and he was not going to leave my side.
00:54:01.920And I think that's helped sprout my own faith, my own childlike faith that eventually grew into its own as I grew into an adult.
00:54:10.700And now I want to give my children that.
00:54:12.960So that if they have something like a shark attack in their life, they're going to be able to work through that with or without mama.
00:54:21.300Like they'll be able to survive the challenges of this world.
00:54:24.800They'll be able to see through the lies that are being spoken on a daily basis in our society.
00:54:32.200They'll be able to see through the lies that aren't going to serve them in their life.
00:54:37.420And I believe that that's in God's word first and foremost.
00:54:41.860And so for me, it looks like praying with my children at bedtime and throughout the day.
00:54:47.740And it's reading the Bible and it's encouraging them in their faith and talking through philosophical ideas that at the end of the day, you can look to God's word and know what is truth.
00:55:00.920And so I forget your original question, but how do you impart faith and health?
00:55:19.580And so to me, the most important thing is to read God's word, because that is the thing that will sharpen them and speak into their life.
00:55:29.860And it's ultimately the Lord says that that is His word.
00:55:33.820And when we hear His word, that can work and move in our hearts and minds.
00:55:38.940And so, and then when it comes to health, like just living out a healthy lifestyle, teaching them what is good and what is not good.
00:55:48.080And my children know that like, we're not eating red dye five because it's not good for us.
00:55:53.080So they're choosing not to do that at six and nine already.
00:55:58.240And they know like, we still have treats.
00:56:00.860So it's not like they're so deprived that like, they're like, oh my gosh, I need the red dye five because I have this opportunity to have it.
00:58:13.300And then, you know, it's not even that we don't eat sugar.
00:58:16.960We're just making sure we're getting enough protein to balance out that glucose.
00:58:21.700So as long as you're balancing out your diet, you're going to be okay if you have a little treat here and there.
00:58:28.580But there are a few things we avoid like red dye fives, artificial ingredients, seed oils, a few other things that just aren't really like real foods.
00:58:40.160And so we just keep it wholesome and real.
00:58:43.120We eat a lot of your like normal meals, but just the healthy version of it and none of the junk process.
00:58:50.740And like, you know, we'll stop shop at like Costco, for example, because that's like the one of the only grocery stores we have on our island.
00:58:57.520And 90% of what's in there, we're not bringing home.
00:59:02.400So we're choosing to find the good stuff that is wholesome and real.
00:59:14.120So all of us have a long mental list of all the things that you should be doing, but you keep putting off, folding your laundry, going to the gym, stop eating Oreos, doing the dishes, et cetera, et cetera, et cetera.
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01:00:51.280Um, and then what's your view on kids being outside?
01:01:10.040Oh, I mean, we have a really unique life growing up in Hawaii.
01:01:16.420And I will say, if you're struggling in your parenting, it's probably because you just need to get in nature more.
01:01:22.440Like, any day I feel kind of stressed or overwhelmed in motherhood.
01:01:26.040I'm like, we're going to the beach, we're going to nature, we're getting out of the house and into, like, just this place where they can be creative and just be grounded again, you know?
01:01:38.360And so I've found that, like, I definitely thrive as a mother in nature.
01:01:42.440So I'm trying to, like, find those thriving locations so that we can thrive in life.
01:01:50.820How much contact do you have with your larger family?
01:02:42.920And I'm like, how do I get through this, mom?
01:02:45.180Or on the rare occasion, please take the children before I lose my mind.
01:02:49.860Um, which isn't very often because I have a great relationship with my children and I am healthy.
01:02:56.460So it's not like I need that all the time, but it is just a blessing to have that.
01:03:01.140So just for perspective, because you're famous, I, people might think, well, you know, that you can live that way when you're really rich.
01:03:08.740But, um, having just been in Hawaii recently, I was reminded it's, I think, the most expensive state.
01:03:13.680It's one of the hardest places to live.
01:03:15.600Um, and it doesn't sound like your family's rich.
01:03:20.900No, I mean, we make decent money and we are a unique situation, but I grew up with five of my best friends from childhood, born and raised in Hawaii.
01:03:31.800They're now married and have children and almost all of them are homeschooling and they're living a normal, very normal life and they're getting by and they're choosing to live a lifestyle that is different.
01:03:45.540But they aren't anyone, you know, unique or out there.
01:03:52.880It, you can choose to live a certain lifestyle, you know, and I think the common thing in America too is like, we want to live above our means.
01:04:03.000So figuring out what is your means and are you living within your means and what adaptations can you make so that you could make your dreams come true if you have certain dreams, so to say.
01:04:16.380And if you choose to not go down that route, at least being intentional with the time that you do have with your children.
01:04:24.100So when they come home from school, having that energy and that mental capability to be intentional, to give them eye contact, to give them that quality time.
01:04:35.840I feel like specifically from junior high to high school, it's like the most pivotal years besides obviously childhood's pretty pivotal and their worldviews are pretty formed, very young.
01:04:49.680But there's these pivotal years where parents get very little time with their children because they're in school, they're in sports.
01:04:59.700Then they come home and they have homework and random chores maybe, and the parents barely get that time with their children.
01:05:09.540And so obviously my children aren't in those years, but I'm thinking about those years and how I'm going to approach it.
01:05:16.660And I don't want it to be mundane or unintentional.
01:05:21.440Like I want my husband to have quality time with his son so that his sons have a good grasp on the world and what they're getting themselves into as they become adults, you know?
01:05:41.020I mean, there's a lot out there, but I hope that they'll, you know, find a wife pretty young and be good leaders of their household.
01:05:49.520And I want to encourage them and like help them find their way so that they can afford to be a husband and a provider.
01:05:59.200So working with them to like figure out what their talents are and like what sort of work they could do to survive and not just survive, but thrive.
01:06:08.040And to say no to the temptations of the world and to respect women and to, you know, choose a life that is honorable and just and not just go with the flow of like what society is currently at.
01:06:26.940And I think as a male in particular, there's a lot of temptation around women and pornography and none of that really serves society.
01:06:35.400It's become so normalized, you know, you look, you know, I grew up in Hawaii and like it's the most uncovered area of the world.
01:06:47.560Like people are literally walking around and in close to nothing on a regular basis.
01:06:52.440And but I feel like now young men in particular, it's like there's social media and it's just there's so many dark holes they can get caught up in.
01:07:02.540And even gaming, like I am really against gaming.
01:07:06.020I haven't even really talked about that publicly, but there's no way I'm bringing that into my household because I want my boys creating, becoming like building up their skills in life.
01:07:18.500Like I want them to have, you know, mentor under a plumber, electrician, like mechanic, have these basic skills so that they're not completely helpless when they, you know, start living on their own.
01:07:31.560Like just basic life skills that instead they could be gaming.
01:07:39.280And then when they have to start living a real life and they run into challenge, what are they going to do?
01:07:46.080Are they going to problem solve or are they going to just go zone out in gaming?
01:07:50.300There's a lot of husbands that aren't showing up because they're busy gaming or pornographing.
01:07:56.380And so equipping our boys to say no and to say yes to the good and beautiful things that they could be doing in life and to learn how to provide and serve and protect.
01:08:07.980You've got such an interesting way of presenting what you think.
01:08:13.580So you have a very gentle affect and calm and laid back.
01:08:16.720But what you're saying is like really radical as compared to, I mean, I think every word you've said is true just for the record, but it's so different.
01:08:27.580You live on an outer island in the farthest away state out of 50 in a pretty rural state, I think.
01:08:33.260Like, so maybe you don't know how radical what you're saying.
01:08:37.200Do you have a sense of how different how you live is from how many other people live?
01:08:42.380I mean, I've started to realize that in raising children of like trying to find good friends for my children and just like some of the boundaries that we are setting on behalf of our children and trying to like, you know, what, who can they play with?
01:09:00.020What households are good for them to be in?
01:09:02.880And it's, I think it's going to get even harder in the teenage years.
01:09:06.580So it sounds like you think you have the right to make those decisions as a parent.
01:09:45.240And so, of course, I'm going to like help lead and guide them along the way and not like just let them hopefully float out there and figure it out.
01:09:54.640That is kind of the strategy for many.
01:09:56.720But even to the extent of like, hey, you're invited to question me, son, like question what I'm saying, question what your auntie or uncle is saying, ask questions, and don't be so passive that everything mama and dada says is, you know, the end all, say all.
01:10:15.600So, to the extent of like, yes, you respect your mother and father, but you're still allowed to ask questions and have your own opinion.
01:10:25.060But, you know, I do see it in my nine-year-old how much he looks up to his dad and me and how he's willing to like, he knows that when mama says like, don't eat red dye five, it's because she loves him and she's protecting him from eating these neurotoxins that will give him ADHD.
01:10:48.140And he doesn't have that currently, so we don't want him to get that, but he could have it if he keeps eating those over and over and over again.
01:11:06.640If he ate it once or twice a year, I'm not making a huge deal out of it.
01:11:10.640I'm just like, hey, like we're not bringing that into our household at least.
01:11:14.920How are you going to navigate marijuana?
01:11:18.140Ooh, I mean, for me, it was actually a really easy one to navigate as a teenager because I think like the way my mom might have talked about it and then even in the public school was like, I was highly athletic driven.
01:11:35.680And so, I could see that it was a common theme that people lost their drive in life with marijuana in particular.
01:11:46.040And then even I've had a mother-daughter mentorship program and one of our calls is focused on drugs.
01:11:51.920And the coolest thing is we'll show the girls the brain without marijuana and alcohol and the brain with and they look very different.
01:12:02.100Like, it's very noticeable how healthier, like we had a brain specialist kind of explain the differences and you could see it with your own eye.
01:12:11.760And so, that was really cool to me as an adult who's chosen not to like do marijuana or anything like that.
01:12:20.260But just talking about it from my perspective of health.
01:12:23.940So, that's why, you know, I said earlier, like encouraging your children in faith and understanding health is so important.
01:12:30.260And talking about, like, I talk about, hey, you know, if you go through a challenging season in your life, do you want to go to alcohol or do you want to go to God?
01:12:41.080Like, what's going to be your strength?
01:12:43.640What's going to serve you and your family?
01:12:45.980Is alcohol going to serve your family or is God?
01:12:49.160Like, what's going to lead you forward and help you to overcome and adopt and persevere through the challenges that will inevitably come your way?
01:12:57.400Certainly not alcohol and drugs, which a lot of society is going to that because we essentially aren't happy with our life or we're looking for an outlet that numbs some of the pain.
01:13:14.420And so, you know, working with our children to face their hardship and to work through their pain and to have a plan for when that comes, if they don't have any of that prior to leaving the household, like having a good plan.
01:13:31.540Like, what are you going to do when you face hardship?
01:13:33.580Are you going to go to these outlets or are you going to come back to mom and dad or someone who's respectable in your life to help you work through it?
01:13:41.400Because there's certainly been seasons in my life where I'm like, why didn't I go to someone to help me through that?
01:13:49.140And I tried to navigate it by myself and it sucked and it was hard and it was awful.
01:13:55.060And I'm like, why didn't I ask for help?
01:13:58.500And I just like, that's not what I want for my children.
01:14:03.360I want them to go and ask someone for help, whether it's me or not, like that's okay.
01:14:07.420But I hope it's me and if it's not me, like they're going to have a few other people in their life that I'm going to be like, this would be a great person.
01:14:14.580If you don't, for some reason, don't feel comfortable talking to me, go to this person and like have them spend time with that person in their late teen years so that they have a relationship that's, you know, encouraging.
01:14:27.780Why do you think, this is a pretty common human experience, but people have problems that they could probably sort out quickly if they articulated them in front of somebody else, but they don't.
01:14:44.380I feel like there's a lot of reasons why.
01:14:47.680And I think, you know, that's why earlier in our conversation, I talked about working through some of my issues in motherhood is because, you know, I think sometimes we get closed in life or we aren't open to teaching or wisdom or, you know, respecting our elders.
01:15:12.320It's almost like there's this untalked about level of being where we have pride and we just think we can do it ourselves.
01:15:24.060And I feel like that's almost growing even more now with social media because they're like, oh, I can just Google what to do.
01:15:29.820Rather than ask someone respectable in your life, like, hey, like, do you think this is a good life decision?
01:15:38.080Um, so for me, I don't know, I'm kind of going about this answer in a long way, but I'm now asking three different people for advice.
01:15:49.820If I have something that feels overwhelming or challenging, I mean, I'm going to the three different people and trying to see if it will align for them.
01:15:58.100If their advice to me will align or, you know, like, just having someone respectable to speak into my life over challenging subjects that feel like I need help in this area.
01:16:09.760So you're approaching your own life with humility.
01:16:11.960You're acknowledging that you don't know every answer to every question.
01:16:17.000And, you know, if it feels like something really hard, just not being afraid to ask for help.
01:16:22.560And, you know, maybe there's this level of, like, that distancing in junior high and high school where, like, you're almost, like, separating from your parents too early.
01:16:36.340And then you go off to college and adult life and you're like, well, I don't really have that relationship with my mom and dad, so I'm not going to ask them for help.
01:16:44.080Or we didn't work through some of our issues as in that relationship through the high school years.
01:16:50.140And so there's not that level of, like, you can come to me, like, I'm here for you and I'll, like, accept you no matter what the challenge is.
01:16:57.900And so trying to keep that relationship open and just communicative so that when the real challenges come, there is an openness and, like, they'll be willing to ask for help.
01:17:10.840And obviously there's different characters and, you know, I can see already, like, trying to raise the different characters in my children.
01:17:18.920I'm like, they're very different and it's going to require, like, some problem solving or adaptability to their different, you know, personality and character.
01:17:44.560So I've always just had a heart for teenage girls and maybe it's because of what I faced at such a young age.
01:17:51.180Like, when I lost my arm, I was 13 years old and it's such a pivotal season going into those teenage years.
01:17:57.780But then there was this one woman who would pick up my girlfriends and I and speak into our lives.
01:18:03.640She mentored us and encouraged us in relationships in particular.
01:18:07.540She, like, like, equipped us to enter into the dating realm and to look for a husband in a healthy way.
01:18:15.520And this woman wasn't, like, super appealing, so to say.
01:18:20.700Like, I would say the fact that she, like, brought chocolates, brought chocolate and, like, brought us to the beach was, like, the lure, so to say.
01:21:15.860And so it's just kind of about bringing back that family unit and making that be the focal point of the mentorship experience program.
01:21:26.200And so it's just been, yeah, it's really interesting, though, to unpack, like, the difference in the children who are being exposed a lot more and then the ones who are not.
01:21:36.980And to me, it feels a little devastating because I'm like, oh, I had such a good childhood.
01:21:41.740Like, you girls should be, like, adventuring in nature and filming, like, cute little, like, funny movies on a little camcorder.
01:21:50.360And instead, we got, like, TikTok dancing and, like, just, like, endless media scrolling and TV watching.
01:21:58.060And, you know, I don't want to be so negative because I know there's beautiful moments in everyone's lives.
01:22:04.580But I just feel like there's so much more to be had when we're creating and being artistic and letting our strengths and talents be used and pursuing, like, the good and beautiful things in life.
01:22:37.440Like, trying to look people in the eye.
01:22:39.420And starting in your own household, like, once you start to be aware of it, you're like, whoa, like, they haven't looked me in the eye today.
01:22:46.420And so you have to, but, like, I have to lead my children to be able to look me in the eye.
01:22:52.380And so, like, making sure I'm not so busy that I can't, like, slow down and, like, check them out and, like, give them that eye contact that they deserve and that, like, quality time.
01:23:02.140So one thing I love to do with my six-year-old in particular, and he's super sweet, but he has, like, this interesting personality that, you know, it feels a little harder to get through to.
01:23:13.200And so one thing I like to do with him is play Rummy cards.
01:23:16.060So he's only six and he's doing so amazing.
01:23:19.160Like, he beats me all the time at Rummy.
01:23:21.320And, like, he'll be, like, calculating how much points he has versus how much points I have throughout the game.
01:23:27.120And, like, this is, like, one way that I like to connect with him that is really sweet and there's nothing else going on.
01:23:33.100I mean, obviously, there's little sissy trying to steal the cards, but for the most part, it's just him and me having this moment to connect.
01:23:41.520You're not checking Instagram during the games.
01:23:42.940No, phone's set aside and it's just, like, him and I, my six-year-old, who actually can play cards really well.
01:23:51.120And, like, he's doing math at the same time, but he's, like, connecting with mom.
01:23:55.260A lot of bad things going on in the world that, honestly, not many of us can have an effect on.
01:24:01.140Rising crime, failing schools, a tanking economy.
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01:25:28.100You know, like, one thing, for example, like, my children are looking out the window when we drive.
01:25:35.060So, that's becoming more and more rare.
01:25:37.840Like, children don't stare out the window.
01:25:39.600They don't have that moment to be bored.
01:25:41.400I'm like, I grew up staring out the window and looking at the clouds, like, and, like, looking for dead animals on the side of the road, you know?
01:26:16.640And so, I'll give them ownership sometimes, like, or take turns with, sometimes we're listening to mama music.
01:26:22.460Sometimes we're listening to baby music if the baby is fussing.
01:26:25.560And then sometimes we're listening to, like, classical piano or a story on the podcast, audiobook.
01:26:32.200And so, that's an example of, like, yeah, we're using technology, but we're not, like, giving our phones to, like, shush our children, so to say.
01:26:40.980And it's interesting because it doesn't really ever cross my mind to need to, like, quiet my children with a device.
01:26:48.420Like, because we just have things established and they're already, you know, doing their own thing.
01:26:57.120Oh, we let them watch movies on long airplane rides and they're stoked and they're, like, getting their movie time.
01:27:03.640But then, like, it makes them look forward to traveling.
01:27:07.000And I feel okay with that because it's, like, we're not consuming all the time and it's not, like, the 20th movie they've watched this week.
01:27:15.320Do your neighbor, so you said you had five friends from childhood who all kind of wound up living like you?
01:29:52.680And so, like, there's so much beauty within it, but people are rejecting it because there's a few of the things, like, you should be faithful.
01:30:01.280Before you're even married, you should be faithful.
01:30:04.300And society does not want to be faithful.
01:30:07.680And so, that is a, it's a, it feels unachievable and unapproachable because society is normalized being unfaithful.
01:30:17.520And so, people feel defensive when they feel like they are being told what to do.
01:30:23.860But yet, someone who lives out a faithful life is such a blessing, right?
01:30:29.260They, like, you know, when you meet a married couple who've been married 50 years, you're like, that is incredible.
01:31:21.540You haven't been married 50 years, but you have a successful marriage.
01:31:24.000We're at 11 years, and I would say the biggest thing in our relationship is truly the grace of God and looking to God to be the author and finisher of our faith, to understand that, like, His grace is sufficient for me.
01:31:44.460And when I understand that, then I know His grace is sufficient for my husband.
01:31:52.200And if God is sufficient for my husband, then that then leads me to be gracious on my husband and vice versa, him on me.
01:32:01.420And that is the foundation of a healthy marriage.
01:32:04.280And no matter what you're going to go through and, like, how hard the seasons may be, you're going to be able to work through it because your foundation is not in yourself and your ability to be the perfect husband or wife, but your foundation is in the ability to trust in God.
01:32:20.840Or not even the ability, but to allow God to work through your life.
01:32:26.240And so, that would be my number one advice.
01:34:48.820And I wouldn't go so far as to say, like, God's grace is not sufficient for you.
01:34:52.960Like, His grace can be sufficient for you no matter how awful things may be.
01:34:57.320And He can work in your children's lives.
01:34:59.520So, I'm not, like, saying, you know, but I just think that if society can strive to be faithful, like, that alone could flip society on its head to be more beautiful
01:35:14.720and more just full of life and passion and purpose and, you know, I think most of society, when they see a married couple who are in good relations with one another 50 years later, like, everyone's celebrating.
01:35:33.540Like, everyone's cheering that on and, like, in awe of that because it is hard and it is hard to make it that long, I think.
01:35:41.420And it's already seen to be, you know, you look at the divorce rates, so to say, and it's super hard out there.
01:36:00.960So, I feel like the last few years has been crazy, starting with 2020.
01:36:06.720Like, I would say I was pretty passive when it came to, like, the worldviews, so to say.
01:36:12.060Like, I had my worldviews and I had things I wanted to live out in my own life, but I wasn't, like, hyper aware of, like, what's going on in society.
01:36:24.040I've been to where you live, so I know how far away you live.
01:36:26.400Yeah, and so then 2020, 2021 hit and, like, all this craziness started happening and, like, you can kind of start to see through, like, what is actually going on here.
01:36:38.280Because I don't think it's as simple as a virus being, you know...
01:37:05.880And, but they're not necessarily, like, good things, you know?
01:37:11.060Like, for example, I've had a professional career in surfing and I never took a deal with an energy drink because I just don't believe in those.
01:37:21.260And that was an area where I drew the line because I didn't think it was healthy and it's not something I want to promote to anyone, let alone children who look up to me.
01:37:30.540What if it was Mountain Dew Berry Blast?
01:37:47.080You know, but I'm promoting smoothies and I'm promoting, like, finding your fuel and energy and food and taking care of yourself and, like, just living a healthy lifestyle.
01:37:56.880But fast forward 2020 and all that chaos hits and I'm like, where, what are we promoting?
01:38:03.660And so I get this opportunity to, I get Brave Books emailing me and being like, hey, do you want to write a children's book with us?
01:38:12.400But this company is standing against a lot of the societal norms and they're trying to build the family.
01:38:19.960They're trying to build up children to have solid identities, to say no to the lies of the world, to be aware of, like, the challenges that they're going to face as they grow about life.
01:38:33.520And now I'm reading them to my children.
01:38:35.780I'm like, this is the raddest book ever to be able to read my children to sleep.
01:38:40.740When you say something, for people not from Hawaii, when you say something that's the raddest book ever, that's good.
01:38:46.580So, like, for example, one of my favorite Brave Books, besides my own, I mean, like, I like my book, but I'm just not like that.
01:38:54.800But it's about this little boy who has to save his sister and he has to, like, go on this crazy journey to find this ice flower.
01:39:03.340And if he drips the little ice flower on her lips, she'll survive the pokey that she stepped on that's going to poison her.
01:39:11.100And so he's having to, like, basically become a man and, like, save his little sister.
01:39:17.480And it's, like, the sweetest little story.
01:39:19.460And now my three-year-old's like, I'm going to go find an ice flower for my baby sister.
01:39:24.200And it's, like, it's computing in his head, like, the life that he should live is to save the young woman in his life and to protect her and to, you know, face his fears on her behalf.
01:39:39.620And he goes on this, like, gnarly journey and he's crying at one point.
01:41:05.600Maybe, like, a couple lesser known, like, kind of, like, not very vocal girls.
01:41:12.020Like, I think there was a lot of women not for it.
01:41:14.040But the unfortunate thing was the World Surf League had all the athletes say, like, hey, you're not allowed to say anything deemed derogatory or negative towards the World Surf League.
01:41:25.640Or we will fine you and disqualify you from competing.
01:41:42.180They didn't even get a vocal warning, like, hey, males are not allowed to compete in the female division as long as their hormones reach this certain level.
01:43:51.480Yeah, just this gnarliness or this new world religion that they're trying to shove down children's throats to make them, like, more confused than ever.
01:44:01.500And so Brave Books is inspiring families to speak into their children's lives early on so that they can go into society and not be confused, not be hateful on themselves and, you know, reject their God-given beauties, but to embrace their God-given talents and the person that they've been formed to be.
01:44:25.040And I feel like this new world religion is like, oh, just be whatever you want, flow whatever direction you want.
01:44:31.760And, like, it really doesn't lead to happiness.
01:44:37.220And, you know, you can even look at the statistics and know that, you know, some of these people that are choosing to amputate their body parts are not healthy and they're regretting their decisions and they're taking hormones that essentially make them get disease earlier on in life than they should.
01:44:56.640And I'm like, we're cheering this on because they just feel like they want to be different than they actually are.
01:46:01.660I mean, I would say the athletes are incredible and I would, like, highly, I highly celebrate the athleticism and the hard work of these athletes.
01:46:11.600But the organization behind is definitely not serving the athletes to the best of its ability.
01:46:17.560And it's not looking at the realities of, like, a male competing against a female is just simply not fair and, like, should never be okay.
01:46:43.560And she was saying, this woman has the most beautiful children I've ever seen.
01:46:49.900So, we were talking about social media this morning and you were saying what you just said on camera, which is that you really notice its effects on young women.
01:46:57.680And, but you've chosen to put your own children in some of your pictures and videos for a very specific reason that I want you to explain because I thought it was just wonderful.
01:48:13.980And it's, you know, there's a lot of memeing around, oh, I just can't wait to go to bed.
01:48:20.620Can't wait to, like, silence the children.
01:48:22.680Like, just kind of, like, frustrations over, like, motherhood.
01:48:26.320And I want to just encourage women to know that motherhood is such a blessing and that children are, you know, like, that is the high of my day.
01:48:39.880And even if I had an amazing day aside from them, like, they are my highlight.
01:48:45.460They are the thing that I'm thinking about when I go to bed.
01:48:48.220And I'm, like, oh, my gosh, even on the rough days, I'm, like, there's always that sweet moment that I am, like, thinking about how my three-year-old came and gave me a big hug and kiss when I came back from surfing or something like that.
01:49:03.500And he was the highlight of my two-hour window.
01:49:07.420Like, it wasn't the surfing by myself.
01:49:09.700It was, like, the coming home and getting a big hug and kiss from my three-year-old.
01:49:13.740And so I'm hoping to inspire this next generation to know that motherhood is such a gift and to look forward to that because it's such a blessing.
01:49:22.780I won't even ask why anyone would want to deny people the greatest pleasure in life.
01:49:28.680But I just commend you for reminding the rest of us that it is the greatest pleasure in life.