This Past Weekend with Theo Von - October 16, 2017


10-16-17 ｜ This Past Weekend #46


Episode Stats


Length

1 hour and 7 minutes

Words per minute

182.6096

Word count

12,243

Sentence count

863

Harmful content

Misogyny

53

sentences flagged

Toxicity

224

sentences flagged

Hate speech

43

sentences flagged


Summary

Summaries generated with gmurro/bart-large-finetuned-filtered-spotify-podcast-summ .

A woman is choking to death at a seafood restaurant and her husband is doing his best to help her, but he can t stop her from choking. He doesn't know what to do, so he just sits there and watches her choke to death.

Transcript

Transcript generated with Whisper (turbo).
Misogyny classifications generated with MilaNLProc/bert-base-uncased-ear-misogyny .
Toxicity classifications generated with s-nlp/roberta_toxicity_classifier .
Hate speech classifications generated with facebook/roberta-hate-speech-dynabench-r4-target .
00:00:00.600 Three.
00:00:06.600 Happy Monday, everybody.
00:00:11.140 It's Monday, man. You didn't think it was?
00:00:13.900 Come on.
00:00:17.520 You've been living under a rock.
00:00:22.420 Come on, man.
00:00:27.360 You've been living under a bad calendar.
00:00:30.540 Let's have some fun while we all live.
00:00:35.560 Man, thank you guys for being here with me this morning.
00:00:38.480 Happy Monday, October 16th.
00:00:43.740 I'm in New Orleans.
00:00:45.200 Actually, I'm in Baton Rouge.
00:00:46.820 I'm in Baton Rouge, Louisiana.
00:00:48.920 And so if the audio sounds a little bit weird or loud or unloud or tanny,
00:00:57.280 sometimes they say that with audio.
00:00:58.500 It sounds a little tanny, you know, a little reverb.
00:01:00.820 I do not know.
00:01:01.960 I don't know about all the different, you know, specifics.
00:01:06.120 But I'm in Baton Rouge, Louisiana, man.
00:01:12.000 So I'm out here at my brother's house.
00:01:14.200 And I'm in the dining room.
00:01:15.740 And this is where we're doing the pod this weekend, this week, this week.
00:01:24.020 So happy Monday.
00:01:25.440 Hope you guys had a good one.
00:01:26.640 I was in New Orleans for a wedding, okay?
00:01:30.120 I fly in Friday into the Big Easy.
00:01:34.960 Go to this place, Pascal's Manali, right?
00:01:38.180 And it's a place where you can get seafood.
00:01:41.020 And seafood, you know what that is, man.
00:01:43.440 It's different food out of the ocean or out of water.
00:01:45.460 It almost, they say seafood, some of the stuff they serve in Louisiana
00:01:49.740 easily could have been extradited from a ditch.
00:01:53.680 You know what I mean? 1.00
00:01:54.060 They got some things like, fuck, if they catch a dog that can swim, 1.00
00:01:58.960 they will grill that thing up in some places in Louisiana. 0.99
00:02:03.560 So the word sea, I think, is, you know, that could be used or not used.
00:02:10.540 Things in water or things from water, I think, is more applicable. 0.82
00:02:14.940 I mean, somebody will grill up a fucking spare tire if they find, you know, 0.92
00:02:18.720 and call that seafood, you know? 0.98
00:02:21.560 But we're at this place, Pascal's.
00:02:24.560 You know, we hadn't even gotten to the hotel or motel or wherever we're staying.
00:02:28.380 My buddy and his, I flew in.
00:02:30.060 My buddy and his girlfriend flew in on the same flight.
00:02:32.140 I'm dropping them off at their Airbnb, and everybody's hungry.
00:02:37.380 We stop at this place.
00:02:38.220 We order some food, right?
00:02:39.660 We're sitting there chatting.
00:02:41.480 Suddenly, somebody across the room starts choking or choking to death.
00:02:48.000 I love, you know, that's the thing about choking.
00:02:50.580 It's like, you know, people, it's either, I guess it's either you're choking
00:02:55.520 or you're choking to death. 0.84
00:02:57.280 There's not a lot of, you know, middle ground when it comes to choking.
00:03:03.040 And this person was choking, I guess, to death.
00:03:07.380 You know, we would take a while still to see.
00:03:10.560 So at that time, they were just choking.
00:03:12.720 I guess somebody has to die to be actually choking to death.
00:03:15.720 Even though sometimes people are like, I was choking to death, but they didn't die.
00:03:18.780 Some of the people say, I was choking to death.
00:03:20.420 If you don't die, you weren't.
00:03:22.480 You were just choking.
00:03:23.800 But anyhow, whatever.
00:03:24.700 This person is choking.
00:03:27.100 And they stand up, and everybody's just like sitting down, like pretending somebody's not choking maybe to death.
00:03:36.280 And her husband, this guy, no, this lady's choking, you know, when she had kind of a, I don't know if you've ever seen Napoleon Dynamite,
00:03:45.380 but Uncle Rico, you ever seen that dude, his uncle, who could throw the football over the mountain?
00:03:50.320 And then she had a haircut like his, you know, kind of a haircut that had been blow-dried way too long.
00:04:01.060 You ever see somebody, their hair has been blow-dried way too long, and it seems just lightly, not crisp, but just, it seems almost fried a little.
00:04:11.420 A little bit, you know, air fried.
00:04:13.140 Not fried by something wet, but fried just by air.
00:04:16.840 It seemed, her hair seemed kind of air fried.
00:04:19.600 Anyhow, she's choking, and her husband, I guess, is trying to help, but he's just like massaging her shoulders. 0.99
00:04:27.700 And I'm like, what the fuck, dude? 0.84
00:04:29.620 And so I'm trying to make eye contact with him before I try to get over there and help, because I don't know if this dude, you know, 0.99
00:04:36.540 I don't know what their relationship's like.
00:04:38.240 Maybe he's, you know, trying to kill his wife or something.
00:04:41.320 I don't know. 0.99
00:04:42.020 But I don't want to fuck up their whole, you know, whatever they're trying to do.
00:04:47.220 Or he's, you know, if he's, if they're, maybe she's horrible to him, and this is, you know, he, you know, planned ahead on this sandwich,
00:04:55.460 and this is, you know, the meal that's going to take her out. 1.00
00:04:58.960 You know, maybe he can't afford a cruise.
00:05:00.580 You know, a lot of people take their spouse on a cruise, and they push him overboard while they've been drinking.
00:05:04.980 Maybe this guy's like, you know, I'm going to save money on a $600 cruise ticket and just hit up this, you know, $14, you know, oyster po' boy here in New Orleans. 0.97
00:05:16.120 Anyhow, so she's choking. 0.74
00:05:17.560 This dude's like massaging her shoulders.
00:05:19.160 So I'm, I'm like, I'm going to stay out of this because I don't want to, you know, ruin whatever money this dude's trying to make or, you know, whatever.
00:05:28.960 And then the waiter comes in.
00:05:30.880 Everybody else is just kind of chilling.
00:05:32.200 I stand up, and I'm like, does anybody know, you know, what's going on over here?
00:05:37.900 And it's a small room we're in.
00:05:39.600 There's only probably 13 people in the whole room, and there's about maybe 12 tables.
00:05:45.180 And one of the tables is a five top.
00:05:47.240 So, I mean, this lady's like spitting and like, I don't know if you've ever been choking or not, but it's pretty intense. 1.00
00:05:55.200 Have you ever been like choking possibly to death? 0.98
00:05:58.800 That shit is intense, you know, and your face and your throat starts making all this extra saliva. 0.99
00:06:04.900 You know, you start turning, your whole head turns into like a water slide. 0.99
00:06:08.480 I mean, you start dripping out of your eyes and your nose and everything because you're, you know, your body's trying to lube your whole universe up so you can get this, whatever's inside of you so it'll pop out.
00:06:20.800 And this lady's, I mean, dripping. 1.00
00:06:22.640 She's like crying, and there's, you know, grease coming out her pores, and like, you know, her ears are like saliva's just swirling out her ears and everything.
00:06:31.840 I mean, she's, this lady's lubed up. 1.00
00:06:33.880 I mean, you think she's ready for some type of gangbang if she wasn't choking possibly to death. 1.00
00:06:41.620 Man, I tell you, dude, this, so this waiter comes over, and he straps on the Heimlich, bro.
00:06:46.580 This, this dude straps on the Heimlich.
00:06:48.860 And he was the skinniest waiter.
00:06:52.880 You know, I'm not accusing anybody of different, you know, you know, extracurricular activities.
00:06:58.480 But I've worked on the pizza line.
00:07:00.120 I used to work and make pizza with a guy on methamphetamines.
00:07:04.480 And them boys can put in work, you know, and they don't weigh much.
00:07:09.240 I mean, this dude had, this guy I worked with would wear a belt, but he would have to tie the belt, you know.
00:07:15.560 And his waist was basically just a forearm with a spine in it, you know, and some organs and some lean organs.
00:07:22.840 I mean, this boy was lean.
00:07:25.580 And so I've been around these fellas that's jacked up on them uppers, you know, that they call it high diving, you know, when you're on them uppers constantly.
00:07:33.220 Because you're living at 60 feet, you know, when it's, I mean, you, your world is just a bouncy board up there.
00:07:39.440 Anything can happen.
00:07:40.500 That fall can be fast.
00:07:41.680 And, and this, this guy, this lean fella starts doing Heimlich on this lady. 0.59
00:07:48.120 And this lady's a, you know, she's a middleweight, light heavyweight maybe. 1.00
00:07:53.780 You know, she kind of, she's not, she's like a Buster Douglas kind of, if you will, if you want to use fighting terminology. 0.99
00:07:59.780 She's sort of a Buster Douglas. 1.00
00:08:01.840 And as he pulls on her, his whole body is coming up off of the ground. 0.99
00:08:10.160 So this, this guy is Heimlich and this lean, this lean fella, dude, he's Heimlich and her, it looked like a skeleton trying to fuck like a big animal. 0.99
00:08:21.380 As he's pulling, his whole, his whole body is bucking on her. 0.99
00:08:26.220 Like his, his feet are coming up off the ground, his momentum.
00:08:29.240 And she's just, I mean, this, and suddenly there's just kind of like a, like a, like that, like, and just this big splash of like, you know, whatever it was, whatever it jacked her system up, just, just, just kind of just attack, just flew.
00:08:51.180 I mean, it had liquid flew out of her eyes, nose and mouth, you know, the trifecta, you know, I mean, it was, it was artful.
00:08:59.480 Almost.
00:09:00.020 It was something you'd see at Disneyland around suns, around sunset when they do the big water display and the water kind of jumps from one hole to the other.
00:09:08.500 And they're playing the music, you know, be our best, be our best, you know.
00:09:12.600 And the music's, you know, everybody was Kung Fu fighting and the, just the waters are jumping and landing in other holes.
00:09:22.760 And it's like this perfect thing.
00:09:24.080 It was like that, man.
00:09:25.460 It hit the air and it was just like, and just splashed.
00:09:30.640 And then everything was done and it was over and it was awkward, man.
00:09:37.480 It was so awkward and I didn't know what to do.
00:09:41.040 So I started a round of applause because otherwise I'm thinking here, well, first of all, the lady lived, you know, if somebody lives, hell yeah.
00:09:52.480 You know, even if her husband had a plan or he was caught up in the dark arts in his brain, you know, he was thinking about murder.
00:09:59.840 He'd been Googling stuff that was dangerous and would come back to haunt him, you know, on a Dateline episode, whatever.
00:10:07.160 You know, I mean, I could see some, you know, fella thinking about taking his wife out via sandwich.
00:10:15.720 That's an easy, that's a $17 kill, you know.
00:10:20.160 But this guy, you know, I got started this round of applause.
00:10:23.480 There's a round of applause going and that kind of broke the awkwardness, man.
00:10:28.260 And I've been there.
00:10:30.080 Let me tell you, I have been there, okay.
00:10:33.040 I've had reactions.
00:10:37.540 If I have, and this is like, and I'll know now because I'm giving this secret out to people, but if I have tuna fish and Gatorade, same time, just straight tuna out the can, albacore. 0.99
00:10:49.680 You know, none of the cheap shit. 0.89
00:10:50.800 But if I go albacore, that white meat, you know, that front meat, that breast of the fish, immediately, if I have that with Gatorade, my throat shuts down. 1.00
00:11:03.040 I mean, closes up.
00:11:04.920 I remember being in a hotel in Chicago.
00:11:07.860 You know, I'm hitting myself with that Gatorade, that thirst quencher.
00:11:11.340 And I'm popping off of, I got one of them bags, them cold bags of tuna fish.
00:11:17.320 Because sometimes they used to have for a while and they may still have them.
00:11:20.620 Because it's hard to get into a can of tuna.
00:11:22.320 I mean, I remember seeing a homeless guy beat open a can of tuna with an umbrella once in Santa Monica. 0.99
00:11:28.080 And I'm like, fuck, that dude, you know, that's aggressive for some fish. 0.99
00:11:35.220 You know, for some low-key fish, that's aggressive. 1.00
00:11:39.220 So I know that I'm not that kind of guy.
00:11:41.800 You know, I'm not that kind of guy.
00:11:43.700 I'm not the guy that beats open a can of tuna for, you know, with a weather prevention utensil.
00:11:52.320 But when I mixed it, so that for a while they had it in a bag and it was just a bag you could seal tight.
00:11:58.660 You would open it and you could get to the tuna right there.
00:12:00.980 Immediately there's a tuna.
00:12:02.300 It was kind of this metal pouch.
00:12:04.140 Pouch, that's a better term than bag.
00:12:06.580 So I was in my hotel room.
00:12:09.200 I'm running late.
00:12:09.980 I just hit the gym.
00:12:11.160 I want to get, you know, electrolytes and get my protein in.
00:12:14.920 So I hit up a 7-Eleven on the way to my room.
00:12:17.500 Grabbed me a bag of that snack fish, that low-key snack fish, and a Gatorade. 0.99
00:12:24.100 And the Gatorade, man, right when it hit my throat and I had the tuna in my mouth and throat, my shit closed up, locked. 0.99
00:12:30.560 So I'm in my hotel room and my shit is locking, locking, bro. 0.99
00:12:36.900 You ever see like on those movies where somebody attacks like a, or somebody, you know, tries to, I think like maybe Star Wars, where somebody tries to get onto the, you know, the space vessel. 0.98
00:12:48.680 And the doors start closing whenever they're, you know, finally are stealing it or whatever.
00:12:53.520 And the sliding doors are to start locking down like whoosh, whoosh.
00:12:58.020 It was like that.
00:12:59.100 I mean, my throat started locking, locking.
00:13:03.200 I mean, no entry.
00:13:04.980 Dude, I am reaching down my own throat.
00:13:08.160 I don't know if you ever reached down your throat for something, you know.
00:13:12.040 I'm trying to think what I would compare it to.
00:13:15.000 First of all, never would I think I could get my hand down my throat until I have to.
00:13:21.580 Dude, I was just trying to hold my throat open so I could get air in and out of it.
00:13:27.300 Man, my throat keeps locking.
00:13:29.340 I try to call the phone, try to call the front desk.
00:13:33.420 I can't.
00:13:34.180 I'm like, go into the hall, right, into the hall.
00:13:39.680 I have my toothbrush in my hand because I'm trying to push that in my throat and, like, hold it to the side to hold my throat open.
00:13:45.580 Go into the hall.
00:13:47.240 There's a man, dude, a man.
00:13:49.680 I'm pretty sure.
00:13:50.940 My eyes were watery.
00:13:51.800 Could have been a, you know, I mean, it's Chicago. 0.87
00:13:55.380 It could have been a lesbian. 1.00
00:13:56.380 Could have been a hearty lesbian, you know, a third-degree lesbian. 1.00
00:14:00.980 And I am pulling on this person's pants, just pulling on the front of their pants by their pockets, like, on my knees, like, basically motioning this toothbrush down my throat.
00:14:16.100 And at first, I think the dude or the, I think it's a man now, pretty sure, the more I remember, my memory's getting stronger.
00:14:23.920 Because I have one of those memories that gets stronger.
00:14:26.380 You know, some people have memory that gets weaker.
00:14:28.180 My memory gets stronger.
00:14:30.000 So, I'm pulling on this man's front pockets and everything.
00:14:34.740 And at first, I think he thinks I'm caught up in some, you know, in some cocaine. 0.96
00:14:39.260 And I'm probably doing some shit off a back page. 0.95
00:14:41.280 And I'm running some illegalities, you know. 0.98
00:14:43.640 I'm probably in my room raising turtles.
00:14:45.600 You know what I'm saying, bro? 0.99
00:14:46.460 I'm probably in my room, you know, making homemade pesticides and eating fucking barbiturate soup up in my hotel room. 0.99
00:14:54.280 You know, I'm probably making bathtub gin and fucking, you know, making towels out of, you know, a dead woman's hair or something. 0.99
00:15:02.200 He probably thinks I'm caught up in something. 1.00
00:15:03.960 Because if you run out into the hallway and you're motioning the toothbrush down your throat, you know, that has a kind of like an oral sex kind of vibe to it. 0.99
00:15:12.800 And you're crying and everything. 0.99
00:15:15.940 But eventually, this guy got what was going on, dude.
00:15:18.520 And this man is holding a toothbrush inside of my mouth to keep my throat open.
00:15:23.040 And after about maybe 45 seconds of that, it passed.
00:15:29.680 It passed, bro.
00:15:31.120 And then this dude is like, I got to run.
00:15:33.980 And literally took off. 1.00
00:15:36.680 Like, I don't know if he was like a Clark Kent kind of dude that does this shit. 0.99
00:15:41.240 You know, it was just wandering around looking for people to help. 0.99
00:15:44.380 But he helped me and took off.
00:15:46.480 Could not even get his information.
00:15:48.180 Could not even get his information, man. 1.00
00:15:49.880 Fuck, I could barely get his gender or sexuality. 1.00
00:15:53.060 So, but, so that's what happened right when I got to New Orleans. 1.00
00:15:57.040 Somebody was choking to death or possibly to death.
00:15:59.760 And, you know, and they didn't.
00:16:02.660 And then they sat and they finished eating.
00:16:04.700 They had dessert.
00:16:05.620 They had other things.
00:16:07.920 Snacks, you know.
00:16:09.380 And I kept trying to catch the husband's face.
00:16:11.080 He seemed, I mean, what was he going to do?
00:16:13.920 Massage her shoulders as she died?
00:16:17.120 Which would be so awkward.
00:16:18.840 You're dying.
00:16:19.680 Somebody's giving you like a nice massage.
00:16:22.440 Ah, interesting.
00:16:25.120 But outside of that, I went to a, what else did I do?
00:16:27.500 I went to a wedding here in New Orleans.
00:16:28.980 That was cool.
00:16:30.280 You know, we did the second line.
00:16:31.680 I don't know if you've ever done the second line thing.
00:16:32.900 I put it up on my Instagram this weekend on the video.
00:16:35.720 And a second line is where they hire, you hire some adult men.
00:16:43.660 And it's usually about like 85% of the men that do it are African American or black.
00:16:48.840 And they play the, they play the big instruments and they play the jazz music as you walk down the street.
00:16:54.540 So your whole wedding party gets in the street and the lady, the bride has the umbrella or the man if you like a gay man. 0.72
00:17:00.500 And you are the, you know, the fancier, you know, if you're the glass slipper of the crew, then you, you to one hold the, the umbrella.
00:17:12.540 And you get out there and you roll down the street and your whole wedding party is behind you.
00:17:15.960 And they have these little white, like little kerchiefs.
00:17:20.840 And you just shaking that kerchief around like you're surrendering.
00:17:23.260 And honestly, it looks like a bunch of people surrendering.
00:17:25.280 But having fun at the same time.
00:17:26.660 It looks like a bunch of alcoholics kind of surrendering.
00:17:28.340 So we did that at the wedding and the wedding took place in an old swingers den. 0.98
00:17:34.080 The wedding was a, the wedding took place in this old swingers place where swingers used to do, you know, sex, I guess, and adult activities.
00:17:43.040 And swingers, I know in LA there's some pretty intense swinger parties. 0.99
00:17:46.860 I've heard about them, you know, and I've actually been invited to some and I haven't gone yet. 0.99
00:17:51.360 Because I'm not going because my back's pretty hairy and I'm not taking a hairy back to a damn swingers event. 0.94
00:17:55.680 I just do not have that kind of confidence. 0.98
00:17:58.340 You know, and my butt gets kind of hairy too. 0.99
00:18:00.520 And I'm not taking a hairy ass into a swingers thing. 0.99
00:18:03.500 So I need to get probably, you know, waxed up and maybe do some, you know, some different leg exercises and some reverse leg curls and stuff before I'm going to go to a swingers thing. 0.89
00:18:15.480 But I wouldn't mind checking it out sometime.
00:18:17.360 One time I was in Lake of the Ozarks, Missouri, and that is swingers country.
00:18:24.160 You know, that's a good place to taste another man's wife or, you know, to, you know, really spray out on some, you know, local spouse that's not yours, you know, or to be wild. 1.00
00:18:32.920 And we went there and me and this man, this other man, we went there.
00:18:38.660 We were just comedians, you know, we just show up and we're supposed to stay at Lake of the Ozarks for one night.
00:18:44.180 So we check into the hotel because we're doing a comedy show there.
00:18:47.060 So we check in at the hotel we always stay at, right?
00:18:50.980 And he's the feature, I'm the headliner.
00:18:52.500 We're not together.
00:18:53.140 We're just friends. 0.93
00:18:53.820 Fucking honestly, me and this dude didn't even know each other. 0.85
00:18:56.440 We just know we're both comedians. 0.95
00:18:58.200 And we both drove down from the airport in Columbia, Missouri.
00:19:02.360 We get there, we get to the front desk.
00:19:04.220 The guy at the front desk goes, are you guys girls only, boys only, or boys and girls only? 0.98
00:19:12.200 And I'm thinking, well, what the fuck is the third option for? 0.96
00:19:18.820 Like, you know, first of all, I'm like, what's going on? 0.94
00:19:20.760 You know, but then I'm like, what's the third, what is the third option even?
00:19:24.140 And then we realize that it's a swingers convention has taken over the hotel for the weekend.
00:19:29.540 And it's a beautiful little resort hotel.
00:19:31.460 It's right on the water.
00:19:32.880 You know, it's a nice place to probably, you know, be by yourself or, you know, I guess be with somebody else's spouse or whatever.
00:19:39.740 But then we start seeing people just bringing in all these little, you know, at hotels and motels, they got the trolleys where you put all your goods on them.
00:19:48.400 You wheel them up to your room, you know, and a lot of, you know, a lot of people bring their own food and everything.
00:19:54.020 And these people were bringing everything, dude.
00:19:56.780 I mean, you would see like a, like a, like a, like a, like a, uh, everything was from, you know, Costco or one of those, you know, everything was Kirkland, like Kirkland brand, you know, that big, like bulk Kirkland brand, you know, Rice Krispies, Kirkland brand lubricant, Kirkland brand, like pool toys.
00:20:18.040 You know, they had everything.
00:20:19.520 And these people, uh, none of them to me were visually appealing, right?
00:20:27.860 They weren't appealing to me, but it was swingers, right? 0.96
00:20:31.140 And then you saw they had this one lady was bringing in the black guy and you could tell he was the fucking hammer, you know, you could tell this dude was flying. 0.98
00:20:38.880 He might've gotten paid to come here and perform. 0.98
00:20:40.900 You know, he was that dark dagger, you know, that air, that air, that air meat, you know, that they was FedExing around the fucking country, probably to come in and just satisfy the regional, uh, you know, that regional coont, you feel me? 1.00
00:20:57.640 So this dude's hitting the airwaves and probably just, you know, just straight up drilling, drilling, drilling in different areas around the country. 0.63
00:21:05.460 He's popping off, you know, he's sprouting out, you know, he's rooting down.
00:21:10.900 And, uh, and some local, you know, local wives. 1.00
00:21:14.920 I mean, you could already see like these guys probably had posters, you know, that all the white, the white men were going to be like, go get them black guy, you know, like Terrence forever, you know, shit like that. 0.97
00:21:25.940 Cause this dude was about to pop off on some local wives. 1.00
00:21:29.540 And, but you had people bust, you know, just people with wheat thins and all kinds of big snacks.
00:21:34.340 And I'll tell you this, man, I wasn't into it at all until I'm not even joking till I saw the wheat thins.
00:21:40.320 I love wheat thins, man. 0.99
00:21:42.640 I don't know who did wheat thins or Pringles, but they, they fucking killed it. 0.98
00:21:48.900 Now those are kind of snacks that would make me want to be at a swingers thing. 0.99
00:21:53.140 You know, if you, I mean, I don't, I mean, you know, I don't care who I land in.
00:21:59.000 If they got a bowl of wheat thins or Pringles next to their orifice or, you know, a little side tray next to the body, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, you know what I'm saying? 0.99
00:22:13.580 Put a, uh, put some floaties on daddy's dick cause I'm going in. 0.99
00:22:18.940 You feel me? 1.00
00:22:20.200 Because I will, I will, I will, I will perform if there is a side item of wheat thins or a Pringles, you know, that's, that's a feast.
00:22:29.860 That's a feast for me and my libido.
00:22:31.860 That keeps me up.
00:22:35.280 But, uh, but anyway, this place, they're like, they're like, oh, well, you, if you guys aren't here with the conference, then you can't be here with the swingers convention. 0.99
00:22:42.480 And we're like, well, what the fuck? 0.97
00:22:43.940 You know, like we have to be here. 0.99
00:22:45.460 You know, there was just a mistake.
00:22:46.720 They booked us at the wrong place. 0.87
00:22:49.080 But I'm also like, what the fuck still does girls and boys only like, that's not even, I guess that means you're open for whatever. 0.83
00:22:55.720 I guess it does mean something actually. 0.96
00:22:57.940 But, uh, but anyhow, everybody gets a bracelet.
00:23:00.200 He said, you can't have, you can't have a bracelet.
00:23:01.980 You can't participate in any activities.
00:23:04.980 But if you want to come down and watch, uh, the bingo night, you can.
00:23:11.340 Like, oh, you know, whatever.
00:23:13.000 You know, we're just, we're just going to be here for one night.
00:23:15.400 So we go to our comedy show.
00:23:17.080 We get back to, we have a couple of beers at the place, at the bar, the comedy spot.
00:23:22.060 We get back to the hotel and we're like, dude, we got to see, you know, we got to go over the mountain, you know,
00:23:29.300 to see what he could see because that's what the bear did.
00:23:32.240 You know, sometimes you got to be out there.
00:23:34.000 You got to be a baby bear.
00:23:35.920 You know, sometimes if you smell honey, you can't just sit on your hands.
00:23:39.900 If you smell honey, you can't sit on your hands.
00:23:43.040 Because you're not going to get anything.
00:23:46.380 You're not going to get any sweetener in your mouth if you're just sitting on your paws, are you?
00:23:52.440 Sometimes you got to stand up and open your mouth and follow your nose at the same time. 1.00
00:23:58.660 If you want to land your face in some of that fucking local sweetener. 0.99
00:24:02.560 So we got up, you know, and we start walking around and peeking downstairs. 0.99
00:24:07.380 And downstairs, they are doing the biggest game of, what is it, with the red and the blue and the yellow?
00:24:16.760 It's like the handprint and foot and you spin the dial.
00:24:22.800 Jeepers. 0.95
00:24:23.600 You know what I'm talking about.
00:24:24.600 They're doing the biggest game of that I've ever seen.
00:24:26.440 There's like 40 boards hooked together.
00:24:27.880 There's like, in the middle, there's 19 people who are no longer playing the game accurately, right?
00:24:36.260 There's an old person spinning. 0.99
00:24:39.240 There's one woman who is still playing the game, right? 1.00
00:24:43.880 Still playing, like, you know, right hand B or whatever it is.
00:24:49.140 Or right hand green.
00:24:50.660 And then there's 19 people in the middle just, I mean, I don't even know what to say they were doing.
00:24:57.440 I don't know if they were.
00:24:59.700 Some of it was sex.
00:25:00.920 It was in the very middle. 0.86
00:25:02.580 There was something vibrating in there that was just going off.
00:25:05.780 And that could have been the hammer.
00:25:07.580 You know, that could have been the dark artist down there.
00:25:09.840 You know, that could have been, you know, Deandro or whoever they had brought the hammer.
00:25:16.800 You know, that guy could have been just DeWalt.
00:25:19.400 You know, that could have been DeWalt or Stahl, you know, or Black and Dicker.
00:25:24.880 Whoever it was, that fellow was popping off down there.
00:25:27.280 You could just, and that's where the heat was coming out of.
00:25:29.760 And everybody else was just riding off the vibes.
00:25:32.560 And there was a lot of just puffy adults, a lot of seniors.
00:25:37.580 A lot of people in their 60s and, you know, and even 70s.
00:25:41.300 You know, a lot of that, you know, Tampa cleavage where you see a lot of women have that tan right in the middle of their breasts. 1.00
00:25:48.600 But it looks like they're probably going to get cancer there.
00:25:51.980 You know, kind of that San Andreas Fault.
00:25:55.260 You know, you can kind of see that they had a lot of, some gold chains.
00:25:59.300 You know, a lot of bad gold.
00:26:01.040 A lot of bad local gold.
00:26:02.320 And then, so then we peek and then we scoot, right?
00:26:08.280 We open the elevator.
00:26:09.580 We're thinking we're going to go up the elevator. 0.99
00:26:11.460 Man, that thing was just a vertical fuck trolley. 0.99
00:26:15.700 That elevator was stacked. 0.99
00:26:17.880 Smelled like, oh man.
00:26:20.540 Somebody smelled like somebody had left Chinese food in their trunk overnight.
00:26:24.600 I don't know if you've ever done that or not.
00:26:27.260 Because it's kind of still got a little bit of a sweet smell to it.
00:26:29.980 But you know that if you eat it, it'll upset your stomach.
00:26:35.560 You know, it'll make your knees weak if you eat any of it.
00:26:38.560 And that was the smell that was inside of that elevator at that swingers convention that we were not supposed to be at in the first place.
00:26:49.340 But hey, that's one of the gifts of the industry.
00:26:51.140 That's one of the gifts of comedy, you know, to end up in environments like that.
00:26:55.540 But here we are.
00:26:57.300 We are here in whatever day it is, man.
00:27:02.420 I'm going to get into some calls because I got to go to sleep in a little bit.
00:27:06.760 Because I got to catch a plane in about, let me see.
00:27:10.640 In eight hours, I'll be on a plane back to Los Angeles out of New Orleans.
00:27:14.400 So I'm going to catch that drive.
00:27:15.680 But I had a great weekend.
00:27:16.740 Spending it in Louisiana.
00:27:17.540 I got to see my beautiful nieces and nephews today.
00:27:20.740 Got to see my mother.
00:27:21.980 Haven't seen my mother in about a year.
00:27:24.280 So that was really nice.
00:27:25.920 She has a husband that got Alzheimer's.
00:27:28.360 So, you know, he's always talking about the war and different wars. 0.99
00:27:32.260 And so if I see him, I always kind of reference, you know, I'll say, you know, welcome back from battle or some shit like that.
00:27:38.460 You know, stuff that makes him feel good and makes everybody feel good.
00:27:41.860 So that's something that I like to do sometimes, you know, just make him feel like a part of, you know, like they gave him, y'all gave him hell, you know, or, you know, stuff like that.
00:27:53.360 So pretty, pretty interesting, though.
00:27:55.720 So I had a good time and went to my niece's soccer game briefly and then just played with the kids on the trampoline.
00:28:03.940 So it was pretty joyous, man.
00:28:05.740 I got nieces and nephews all, you know, from age one to nine.
00:28:10.480 So it's just, man, you get to see how kids are and they were all happy today.
00:28:16.680 So that really lifted my spirits up 150%, you know, and no future swingers.
00:28:21.660 I don't think none of them seem like they might get caught up in all of that, you know, but we'll see.
00:28:26.520 All right, man, let me tell you guys what's going on.
00:28:29.640 I got a new tour shirt.
00:28:30.520 You can check it out at TheoVaughn.com slash store.
00:28:35.000 It's a tour.
00:28:36.000 It's got all the dates from this past year.
00:28:37.780 It's pretty sweet.
00:28:38.660 So go there, grab that, support the podcast.
00:28:40.920 You can also support us on Patreon where you can catch extra footage and extra episodes.
00:28:46.600 And that is P-A-T-R-E-O-N.com slash TheoVaughn.
00:28:51.880 And that link will be in the YouTube, in the YouTube info part right there.
00:28:56.120 Please subscribe if you're listening, if you're subscribing, if you're not subscribing.
00:28:59.520 Hit up the subscription.
00:29:01.440 Become a part of.
00:29:02.820 And if you've got any advice or guidance, constructive criticisms, you can always let me know.
00:29:07.360 Become a part of the podcast.
00:29:09.100 We're shooting a new pilot for Comedy Central.
00:29:11.760 So also, if you live in California and you have some issues that are going on with feeling emasculated in any way,
00:29:20.180 or you feel like something that's going on in present-day society is testing your manhood,
00:29:25.000 hit us up on the hotline, 985-664-9503.
00:29:30.500 We're looking for some people to be a part of that. 1.00
00:29:32.380 But no fake shit, no bullshit. 1.00
00:29:34.320 Keep it real, man. 1.00
00:29:35.100 Keep it 100.
00:29:36.100 All right, let's tap into a couple of calls here.
00:29:37.660 Thank you guys for being a part of things.
00:29:40.800 Let's take it here.
00:29:42.100 Hello, Theo.
00:29:46.320 Man, I'm just watching your appearances on the church. 0.97
00:29:50.260 Those are two of the funniest fucking podcasts I've ever seen in my life. 0.96
00:29:53.820 I think I've watched them like 10 times already. 0.99
00:29:57.200 It's fucking incredible. 0.98
00:29:59.520 But, uh... 0.99
00:30:00.100 Oh, wait.
00:30:02.980 Hold on just a second, man.
00:30:03.900 That guy called in, but I got...
00:30:07.220 That call was so long, I edited it down a little bit.
00:30:09.540 Let's take it right here.
00:30:10.440 Here we go.
00:30:12.140 Hello, Theo.
00:30:14.620 It's pretty interesting hearing your perspective on white privilege.
00:30:17.360 Um, I grew up in a town of 500 North Idaho.
00:30:22.180 500 North Idaho.
00:30:23.220 That's, yeah.
00:30:23.940 That is pretty white.
00:30:25.860 I know there's a lot of mining up there.
00:30:27.120 They're probably just mining, even looking for anyone that is not white. 0.99
00:30:31.660 Like, you have to dig pretty deep.
00:30:34.380 Uh, thank you for calling.
00:30:35.220 Onward.
00:30:37.140 Um, so I kind of get what you're saying.
00:30:40.760 It's kind of a hard topic to get into, because I think white privilege does exist.
00:30:45.900 Yeah, no doubt.
00:30:46.660 I mean, it definitely exists.
00:30:48.540 I'm just saying that, uh, that in my life, I didn't get to sign up for it.
00:30:52.360 I wish they'd have passed around the sign-up sheet, because, uh, it was, it was not a part of, of, of my life.
00:30:59.620 Onward. 0.97
00:31:02.000 But, you know, when I was on a dirt road, you know, fucking my dad was a logger. 1.00
00:31:09.140 Just white trash as fuck, you know? 1.00
00:31:11.360 People were sharing roadkill or whatever they shot that hunting season. 1.00
00:31:15.240 And logger, that's a tree person.
00:31:18.100 I don't know if some people think logger is somebody that's, you know, you know, taking dumps or whatever all over, but logger is somebody that captures trees.
00:31:24.820 And I respect loggers, but also, at the same time, pretty easy job.
00:31:29.640 You know, if you're a logger, you're hunting, you're hunting trees, dude.
00:31:35.820 That's easy, you know?
00:31:37.860 First of all, how hard is it?
00:31:40.160 Think about it, dude.
00:31:40.940 I could think right now, if I really thought about it, I could tell you where there's probably about 80 trees.
00:31:47.200 I could draw, I could even probably draw them for you and draw you a sketch of them, you know, an outline.
00:31:51.220 She'd have information.
00:31:52.520 So, not that tough of a job, but I respect it.
00:31:54.520 Onward.
00:31:54.760 Yeah, I had like seven people in my class. 0.99
00:32:01.700 One girl, she was a goddamn squash, too. 1.00
00:32:04.460 That girl was six foot when she was 10, ready to fuck some cock, man. 1.00
00:32:09.080 Whoa. 1.00
00:32:10.300 Okay. 0.99
00:32:11.220 You got a local, you got a real cock squatch in your locality, huh? 0.99
00:32:15.500 Let's hear more about this. 0.99
00:32:17.440 Wild girl.
00:32:19.700 Wild girl.
00:32:20.940 She did it, too.
00:32:21.900 Somebody had to, you know, keep the neighborhood happy, keep the boys from stabbing each other.
00:32:30.340 Big Carrie did it. 1.00
00:32:32.100 Big Care Bear.
00:32:33.480 Sickness, squishness, good stuff.
00:32:36.580 Anyway, I'm super stoned, but thanks for the podcast.
00:32:40.340 All right.
00:32:41.240 I appreciate the call, man.
00:32:42.540 Yeah.
00:32:43.140 You know, you had a girl named Big Carrie that was taking, you know, taking on sex locally for, you know, to keep the neighborhood happy and to keep things at bay. 1.00
00:32:51.040 You know, and I think, I think there always is somebody like that.
00:32:54.160 You know, I think there always is somebody like that in every, in every environment, you know, in every time period.
00:33:00.240 There's some gal who's taking one for the team and sometimes taking the team for one, you know, who is, you know, who's just, you know, comes into their sexuality, you know, at a point. 0.81
00:33:12.840 Maybe others aren't and really just pops off and makes it happen for everybody locally.
00:33:17.340 And I remember catching up with a couple of those gals at different places. 1.00
00:33:21.540 We had a gal in our neighborhood. 1.00
00:33:22.720 It was a swim team. 0.99
00:33:23.560 She was big on swim team and she had shoulders like a damn, I mean, just like a two-legged bison, brother. 1.00
00:33:30.680 I mean, she just had shoulders like a damn, like a fucking five, four French bulldog, man. 1.00
00:33:37.680 I mean, she had shoulders like a, I mean, just like a damn, just like somebody in a wheelchair who lived up a hill. 1.00
00:33:47.100 You know what I'm saying? 0.99
00:33:47.800 Man, she had shoulders like that and she used to set off a bunch of nuts. 1.00
00:33:52.440 She was always setting people's nuts off, setting off the men's nuts locally and kind of taking one for the team at a certain age.
00:33:58.940 So I think we should have a time sometimes when we respect those types of people, you know, because, because, you know, they need, sometimes you need that.
00:34:07.980 You know, sometimes you need to take that edge off as a group, as a neighborhood.
00:34:12.740 And maybe that's what these swingers were doing. 0.99
00:34:14.420 And, you know, I'm sitting here judging these people and I would judge and I judged them at the time.
00:34:18.740 But, I mean, if to be 50 or 60 and, you know, and not and be pale and to say, you know what, I'm going to take these thighs out and down by the, you know, down into the Ozarks.
00:34:31.820 I'm going to take these thighs out there and set them, you know, and warm them up. 1.00
00:34:36.260 You know, I'm going to get these capillaries going and get the blood flow going.
00:34:40.180 And, you know, that's pretty brave, actually.
00:34:42.760 It's a lot braver than some of the stuff that I'm doing.
00:34:44.800 So maybe I can actually learn when I think back on some of these things instead of, you know, maybe this is where I'm learning, where I'm learning not to really, you know, judge these swingers, you know. 1.00
00:34:54.680 But that sometimes an area, a specific area needs to just, you know, needs to let out.
00:35:02.420 And that there's gals out there like Big Carrie that you just mentioned, sir. 1.00
00:35:06.040 And that there's just, there's groups getting together just to pop off, you know, just to blow seed and just, you know, feel that vibe.
00:35:16.560 Praise God, man.
00:35:17.360 Let's hear a little bit more.
00:35:18.420 All right.
00:35:19.120 Hey, what's up, Dio, man?
00:35:22.300 A long time listener here.
00:35:25.000 My name's Davey.
00:35:26.400 I'm out of Kansas City.
00:35:29.440 Davey.
00:35:30.660 Thanks for calling, man.
00:35:31.640 I lived next door when I was growing up to a boy named Crazy Davey.
00:35:35.340 And he used to invite one of the neighbors over, this other boy named Pug.
00:35:42.820 And then he would hide on the roof when Pug was walking over across the street and he would shoot him with pellet guns.
00:35:47.880 But that was, you know, just people, you know, kids being kids, I guess.
00:35:52.600 But that was Crazy Davey.
00:35:54.340 And he, he was very, very, very lean and liked to punch, punch at stuff and punch at people. 0.97
00:36:02.440 And I remember him doing sex in the woods locally. 0.97
00:36:05.320 Anyhow, onward. 0.68
00:36:06.060 I know you guys may have some preconceptions about Kansas City, but it ain't that bad.
00:36:13.860 But I remember you saying something about calling about what it means to be a man.
00:36:19.880 And for me, I'm a little confused because I look around at all my friends and everybody on the Internet.
00:36:29.280 And, you know, what the average male is looking for is they're looking for a, they're looking for a, they're looking for a woman.
00:36:39.180 They're looking for a woman to get involved with and then marry. 0.94
00:36:44.040 And, you know what, Theo, I just got, I got, I got no aspirations of that, bro.
00:36:52.120 Wow.
00:36:52.840 I appreciate you sharing, man.
00:36:54.180 I want to hear a little bit more about this.
00:36:55.460 Let's continue.
00:36:56.080 I just, you know, I, I don't want to say it's an asexual type thing, but it's definitely a thing to where, you know, getting laid and getting a girlfriend is not my top priority.
00:37:13.360 I mean, in fact, it's pretty far down on the list.
00:37:17.060 I'd rather, you know, go home and go to work and just have a good day and play some music.
00:37:22.560 And, you know, I just kind of wanted to weigh in on that and hear what your thoughts might be.
00:37:29.300 And maybe there's other ones out there who just really don't put getting laid on their top priority.
00:37:35.620 You know, I appreciate this call, man.
00:37:37.520 I really do.
00:37:39.100 This is something that's been on my mind and my heart even recently and even on my groin and loins.
00:37:45.660 And that is asexuality, you know.
00:37:48.980 It's asexuality.
00:37:50.040 And I also want to say, I don't know if you were doing an impersonation, but you have, you have, you do a good impersonation mildly of that scientist that's in the wheelchair, the famous wheelchair scientist.
00:38:00.520 I'm not sure what his name is.
00:38:03.300 I don't know. 0.59
00:38:04.540 They call it, you know, he's that black hole.
00:38:07.340 You know, he's that David Blaine of space.
00:38:09.360 You know what I'm talking about?
00:38:10.100 That little fella in the wheelchair.
00:38:12.000 Beautiful man.
00:38:12.760 But anyhow, I've felt like this, man.
00:38:16.220 I've felt like this before, you know, when all these people are chasing this leg and out there, you know, I've felt times where it's like, am I doing this just because it's something that I'm supposed to do?
00:38:28.700 Do I really even care?
00:38:30.160 What really is my drive?
00:38:33.260 Like, what really is my desire?
00:38:34.940 You know, am I just being sidetracked?
00:38:38.080 Because sometimes I would find that I'm chasing women, not even because, and oftentimes I would find, I don't even say sometimes.
00:38:46.640 Oftentimes I would find I'm chasing women just because it's a habit. 0.97
00:38:50.820 Not even because I'm trying to look for the perfect lady, you know, or that, you know, that I'm searching for love.
00:38:59.340 You know, I'd find sometimes it would just be this habit that I fell into that I guess maybe it was my environment or my peers, you know, as I'd listen to other people in there.
00:39:10.120 I don't know if it's conquest, but just, you know, well, of course you want to feel attractive to women.
00:39:16.780 But there are times where I'm like, is this really what I want?
00:39:21.960 Like, what do I, you know, like, do I really have any?
00:39:26.800 Because sex a lot of times just bores me, man.
00:39:29.120 I just think it's so boring sometimes. 0.82
00:39:31.920 You know, you're just banging your bodies into each other, just bang, bang, bang, you know, bang, you know.
00:39:39.400 Here comes a crazy, here comes a crazy pump right here, bang, bang.
00:39:44.760 And it's not even that much joy, you know.
00:39:47.740 It's just like, yeah, it's just, you know, it's not like one of you blows up at a certain point and just confetti flies out of you, you know.
00:39:56.580 And you win or you defeat them, you know. 0.96
00:39:59.880 Or, you know, it's not like, I think if there were some prize or something, you know, like if you bang somebody enough, like a trophy, like, you know, popped out of their ass or something crazy.
00:40:10.020 I think that would be more, or if there was an old, you know, some guy who never graduated high school, you know, smoking cigarettes and chewing on his last two teeth, you know, who gave you a prize, like a big stuffed animal or a fish with emphysema or something, you know. 0.87
00:40:24.900 I think if they had something like that, you would find more joy in it.
00:40:28.960 But otherwise, I have trouble finding joy in that sometimes, you know.
00:40:33.980 And maybe it is.
00:40:34.860 Maybe these days we're becoming more asexual.
00:40:37.280 I mean, we don't need it to survive that much for sure.
00:40:40.860 You know, it used to be you needed a child to help out.
00:40:43.980 You know, you need a child to collect wood or get berries.
00:40:47.840 You know, you can't make a pie without berries. 1.00
00:40:50.480 Where's the fucking berries, you know, so you have a son. 0.99
00:40:52.880 And, you know, you got little Carl or Clark or whatever your son's name is, and he's out there getting them fucking fruits, you know, so you can, you know, cover him. 0.99
00:41:04.060 You cover him in the distance with a rifle or an archery piece, you know, and you're doing your thing. 0.96
00:41:09.480 You're being the leader.
00:41:11.380 But now do you need a kid, you know?
00:41:14.820 Do our joys come from humans anymore?
00:41:18.840 Maybe that's part of it, bro.
00:41:20.180 I appreciate this call because I love this thought.
00:41:22.260 I love this question.
00:41:23.740 Where do our joys come from?
00:41:24.820 Is it even other people?
00:41:27.300 You know, I mean, we definitely lock ourselves away for sure.
00:41:31.360 You know, I mean, we find like it's definitely become separatists.
00:41:36.720 You know, it's like, and it's not good for you.
00:41:39.640 I mean, it's definitely not good for you as a human.
00:41:41.500 Now, as a robot, it's probably great for us.
00:41:44.640 You know, but yeah, it's like what else? 0.98
00:41:45.900 Like, are we so, are we so addicted to, I mean, things are fucking addictive. 0.97
00:41:52.500 That's the thing. 0.95
00:41:53.480 I think I would love probably spending more time with people if I wasn't so addicted to some of this other stuff.
00:41:58.600 You know, I get addicted to the, dude, I've watched a show on Netflix two weeks ago.
00:42:03.020 Next thing you know, it's 11 days later and I've watched, you know, 12 episodes.
00:42:09.020 And I'm like, what the hell just happened?
00:42:10.820 It's like you're in a show coma and you're just going through episode to episode.
00:42:14.980 It's just some of it's so addictive.
00:42:16.580 It's so, you know, it's so shot in such a great quality and some of the content is so good.
00:42:22.620 You can get addicted pretty easy.
00:42:24.060 You know, so I could see how sexuality, like, oh, who needs that? 0.99
00:42:29.180 You know, I just get, you know, I got nine 4K episodes of Ozark.
00:42:35.600 Oh, I feel like my brain just came for a month.
00:42:38.160 I'm good.
00:42:39.080 I don't need another human.
00:42:41.100 So I think that's something you have to fight if you really want it.
00:42:43.700 But maybe it's not for everybody.
00:42:45.100 And I don't, I also don't think it is for everyone.
00:42:47.260 I think you have a little misconception there in the thing that everybody's out there looking for somebody.
00:42:51.800 I think these days, a lot of us are out there and though we may be looking for somebody,
00:42:57.700 I think somewhere in our mind, we're also wondering, do we really want somebody?
00:43:02.640 Or do we really need somebody?
00:43:05.240 Or are we just under this old tradition that has us looking because we feel like that's what we're supposed to do?
00:43:13.920 You know, we're at a really, it's a, it's a weird generation right now. 1.00
00:43:16.780 It's a weird generation, but I appreciate the call.
00:43:18.920 All right, let's crack.
00:43:19.920 Uh, let's crack into, uh, something else here.
00:43:24.260 Here we go.
00:43:25.500 What's up, Tia?
00:43:26.360 This is McKenzie from Mechanicsburg, Ohio.
00:43:29.000 Hey, McKenzie from Mechanicsburg.
00:43:30.340 I can't remember if you called before or not or if I played this call, but let's go.
00:43:34.740 I was just wondering, I know you have a problem with pornography.
00:43:38.440 I believe I also have a problem because, uh, I've been with my girlfriend for about two years now.
00:43:44.880 Um, probably only had sex 10 to 20 times.
00:43:50.080 And, uh, I think it might be because of the pornography.
00:43:53.040 I tried to put it in.
00:43:53.720 I went a week.
00:43:55.100 But then I come back to the bench and just jacked off like five times in one day at a time.
00:43:59.640 Wow.
00:44:01.060 So, uh, this gentleman from Virginia, and that's Virginia's for lovers, bro.
00:44:05.620 But, uh, from Virginia is saying that he's been married for about two years.
00:44:10.320 Is it married or just girlfriend?
00:44:11.800 But they've only had sex about 10 to 20 times, you know? 0.97
00:44:15.480 And then sometimes you go in these fits where you're jacking off, you're spraying out, you know what I'm saying? 0.64
00:44:20.420 You're petting the dragon and that dude's firing off, you know, blowing Skittles out into the universe.
00:44:25.860 You know, you're busting them straight up galactic shots, boy. 1.00
00:44:29.580 Your dick's having a straight up DNA asthma attack, boy. 1.00
00:44:32.940 And spraying out, killing local invisible fires with that splash. 1.00
00:44:36.500 You know what's good.
00:44:38.240 And sometimes, you know, sometimes you go in these fits. 0.98
00:44:42.120 Because masturbation is dangerous. 0.95
00:44:43.860 You know what I'm saying? 1.00
00:44:45.520 If masturbation were a person, he would be wearing a dark, dirty cape. 0.98
00:44:49.960 With dirt on the bottom of the cape and dirt around the top, around that brim. 0.99
00:44:53.680 That brim dirt.
00:44:55.540 And he would be saying nasty stuff to you.
00:44:59.580 And wanting you to come over under, under, under his roof. 0.77
00:45:03.680 You know, wanting you to come up under his cape and just be nasty.
00:45:07.780 So you gotta watch out. 1.00
00:45:09.640 You gotta watch out for masturbation, man. 0.99
00:45:11.700 And you need to set some kind of regards for yourself. 0.99
00:45:15.120 You know, some type of barriers.
00:45:17.000 You know, if you gotta tape your arms down at night.
00:45:19.360 Or you need to get heavier sheets.
00:45:21.620 But you might need to do something, you know.
00:45:23.840 Or get a neck brace.
00:45:25.080 Get a weighted neck brace.
00:45:26.260 And wear that while you rest.
00:45:28.160 But if you're popping off constantly on the internet.
00:45:31.520 I'm telling you, it's a dirty, addictive behavior.
00:45:34.460 And I'm, if you, now, and people constantly will, will second guess me on this. 1.00
00:45:38.980 This shit is killing men, bro. 1.00
00:45:41.020 Okay? 1.00
00:45:42.000 Think about it. 0.99
00:45:43.060 What if they had a soup and they're like, oh, this soup is fucking amazing. 0.99
00:45:46.240 But it's also killing you. 0.98
00:45:48.980 Would you eat that soup every night?
00:45:52.680 Well, that's what you're doing. 0.84
00:45:54.160 If you, if you, if you hopped up on these pornographers.
00:45:57.000 You know, if you hopped up on these local high definition, you know, buttholes and everything.
00:46:03.840 You know, in these splashy crotches. 0.85
00:46:05.900 Then that's what you're into.
00:46:07.460 So you need to get it together.
00:46:08.820 That's all I'm saying.
00:46:09.740 Because the pornography is dangerous.
00:46:12.040 It is dangerous.
00:46:13.960 It's a dirty road.
00:46:15.540 It is a dirty slope. 0.80
00:46:18.060 And I'll be damned if you're going to be able to, you know, wear white shoes. 0.73
00:46:22.820 And do it at the same time.
00:46:24.260 And you know what I'm talking about.
00:46:25.360 But, man, I'm sorry that you're having that trouble because I've been right there.
00:46:29.640 I've been in the depths of it. 0.99
00:46:31.240 You know, I'm two days clean right now off that jerk. 0.99
00:46:34.100 And I'm happy about it, you know. 0.99
00:46:35.580 It's tough.
00:46:37.220 It's tough, dude.
00:46:38.520 But, you know, I mean, we just, we're talking tonight about the asexuality and about the group sex, you know. 0.99
00:46:43.640 And the tag team and the, you know, summer slamming that puss. 1.00
00:46:46.740 You feel me?
00:46:47.220 Like these people out in the Lake of the Ozarks are doing these swingers.
00:46:49.920 And if you are a swinger, I want you to hit that hotline, 985-664-9503. 1.00
00:46:55.760 I'd love to know a little bit more about what that universe is like. 0.97
00:46:59.840 But I'll say this to you, buddy, and I appreciate you calling, is that I wouldn't evaluate it on the number of times you guys have sex.
00:47:08.480 You know, I don't think that matters that much.
00:47:11.580 I really don't, you know.
00:47:13.880 Because I've had relationships in my life where I had some decent sex, you know, when I was young, you know.
00:47:19.260 And I think, I've always thought that sober sex is for children, you know.
00:47:24.080 Sober sex is for children.
00:47:26.580 It is best served for two people under the age of 18, you know, consensually together.
00:47:33.900 But, you know, I don't think it matters that much.
00:47:38.280 If there's love there and you guys are connection, that's what matters.
00:47:42.100 Because you're coming up on the future of your life.
00:47:45.680 You know what I'm saying, man? 1.00
00:47:46.540 That fucking is going to die out. 1.00
00:47:48.640 That fucking is going to die out, dude. 1.00
00:47:51.380 If you went off the interstate somewhere and you walked into the woods and you looked around, 1.00
00:47:57.180 I bet you'd find a lot of people's libidos. 0.99
00:47:59.980 A lot of married couples. 1.00
00:48:01.140 Their fuck history is just milling out there in the middle of nowhere. 1.00
00:48:05.560 Because that's tossed aside at a certain point. 1.00
00:48:07.880 I think you keep some sensuality, yeah. 0.99
00:48:10.620 But that's not what it's about.
00:48:12.000 At a certain point, it's about a connection.
00:48:13.660 It's about moving forward.
00:48:15.480 You know, it's about having a family and those sorts of things.
00:48:19.640 You know, I mean, to me, man, at my age and at my time in life,
00:48:22.980 I mean, I've been through some young trim, you know.
00:48:25.780 I've been caught up.
00:48:26.820 You know, I've been caught up in some of that, you know, you know, some of that soft wallet out there.
00:48:34.540 But the thing that keeps me and gets me the most these days is that warm hug from somebody that I love.
00:48:40.040 Somebody that cares about me.
00:48:41.200 And that's what makes me feel the most.
00:48:42.900 So I wouldn't be hard on yourself.
00:48:44.160 If that's what's going on in your relationship, I wouldn't be hard on yourself, you know. 0.97
00:48:49.300 And if you're doing jerking off, though, I would find some ways to curb it. 0.87
00:48:52.740 Because I think that you think it's not helping you. 0.94
00:48:58.520 And there are groups you can join online, NoFap.
00:49:00.960 You can check that out.
00:49:02.740 You know, there's a lot of books about it.
00:49:04.100 There's audio tapes and stuff you can listen to.
00:49:07.540 You know, you can go to SAA, Sexual Addicts Anonymous.
00:49:10.980 There's groups.
00:49:11.800 You can get a sponsor.
00:49:12.720 I mean, I know it sounds crazy, but, you know, at 9.30 p.m.
00:49:15.700 when you're about to spray down, you know, when you're about to just, you know, clean your sink again,
00:49:20.560 you can call up a dude you barely even know and tell him to talk you off of that lotion ledge.
00:49:25.960 And those men are out there.
00:49:27.400 All right, let's take another call here.
00:49:30.840 What's going on, Theo?
00:49:32.060 This is Alex calling from Medellin, Colombia.
00:49:36.080 Ooh, Colombia, boy.
00:49:38.680 I am glad I was not born in Colombia, you know.
00:49:41.560 So, even though my father's Nicaraguan, you know, and I'm Polish Nicaraguan, if I grew
00:49:46.540 up in Colombia, and I've said this before, I would have got an eight ball for my 10th
00:49:50.680 birthday, and I never would have seen 11.
00:49:52.680 Boy, I'd have been a couple grams deep. 1.00
00:49:55.020 Dude, I've been eating balloons and hiding fucking slices of cake in my ass. 1.00
00:49:59.520 Boy, onward. 1.00
00:50:00.200 I was wondering what your thoughts were on relationships while traveling.
00:50:05.680 I pretty much travel for a living in different countries, and it seems like I'm always just
00:50:11.260 cycling through females, but still wanting that relationship bond. 0.98
00:50:17.560 And I was wondering how you juggle stuff like that.
00:50:19.860 So, thanks for everything, and keep it up.
00:50:22.460 Bye-bye.
00:50:23.500 Thanks for the call, man.
00:50:24.420 I appreciate this call.
00:50:25.900 Well, I'll say this.
00:50:27.680 It's hard to know how you'll behave until you're in a settled place.
00:50:32.440 You know, and I found for a long time I was putting a lot of pressure on myself to settle
00:50:35.660 down, but at the same time, I'd be out there, you know, checking out the local flavor, you
00:50:43.640 know, if you feel me.
00:50:46.200 And I would always be angry at myself. 0.99
00:50:48.320 I'd be like, man, you know, you want to settle down, but you, you know, you keep fucking up 0.99
00:50:53.080 and doing this, or not fucking up, but you keep being out there, you know, sharing yourself 0.99
00:50:57.060 with Trollops, you know, and, you know, dazzling around with these fucking little, you know, 0.99
00:51:02.560 these little fucking glitter bandits, you know, and people that, you know, chicks has just 1.00
00:51:06.760 already got their toothbrush in their purse, and they're just trying to, you know, meet 1.00
00:51:10.340 a man somewhere late at night at a Holiday Inn or a Days Inn and just jerk them off, you 0.96
00:51:15.440 know, and you already, you know, you're caught up in some of this, you know, and some of it 0.70
00:51:19.400 you'd find a little bit of love here and there, but a lot of it was just lust, you know, a
00:51:23.460 lot of it was just libido, fireworks, and snap crackers, you know, a lot of it was just
00:51:28.280 a lot of that.
00:51:29.640 So it weren't really, you know, you weren't really getting some, but I would be
00:51:32.300 hard on myself, I'd be like, man, you keep, you know, I thought you were trying to find
00:51:36.140 somebody, and I would always be hard on myself.
00:51:38.160 So I'll just say this, man, if you're going to be on the road, it's going to be really
00:51:41.340 tough.
00:51:42.180 It's going to be tough not only for you, but it's going to be tough for whoever you meet.
00:51:45.720 So in the meantime, I think, you know, just date if you're able to do that, you know,
00:51:50.420 just date, you know, if you get into somebody, I don't know if I get it too serious because
00:51:54.520 it's going to be hard, and you're going to, you could easily end up hurting their
00:51:58.740 feelings and hurting your own.
00:52:01.560 And I guess, I mean, I'm just saying that for me, man.
00:52:04.640 I mean, in the past, I was not able to do it.
00:52:07.180 You know, I get on a relationship or get, you know, caught up, some lady, you start 0.50
00:52:11.100 holding hands and watching a favorite television show, and next thing you know, you know, you
00:52:16.840 don't mind if she got a few whiskers or whatever, and that's where you start feeling some love.
00:52:20.800 But then you're out on the road, and you still find yourself, you know, you know, trying
00:52:27.820 to talk to the lady that work at the Save-A-Center, you know, or checking groceries at the Whole 1.00
00:52:32.440 Foods, you know, even though she's skinny and her body's a little bit lopsided, because 1.00
00:52:36.200 maybe she got a hip issue, some dysplasia, but you still find yourself flirting over by
00:52:40.440 the oranges.
00:52:42.360 And, you know, it's just, you could put a lot of pressure on yourself, you know.
00:52:46.700 So, for me, I could never do it, man.
00:52:49.500 I was always lying, and I was always on the run, and I feel bad about it a lot of times.
00:52:54.740 For me, I just couldn't do it, you know.
00:52:56.900 I would get myself caught up.
00:52:58.780 So, if you can do it, man, more power to you.
00:53:01.480 I think it just takes a strong man, you know, and it takes a brave woman, and vice versa, 0.97
00:53:09.240 you know, because they're home alone a lot, and they're susceptible to meet somebody.
00:53:12.860 So, for me, if I could go back in time and do some of those things over, I would probably
00:53:17.080 just stay in more of a dating environment, you know.
00:53:19.900 And as I've gotten older, that kind of stuff's gotten a little bit easier to deal with, because
00:53:23.460 I'm more of an adult. 0.99
00:53:25.040 But when I was younger, man, that shit was, I mean, that was hell, boy. 1.00
00:53:28.800 That was straight hell. 0.99
00:53:30.840 But, look, I appreciate you guys calling, man.
00:53:32.920 I hate to jump off early tonight, but I think I got to.
00:53:37.260 I think I got to, dude.
00:53:38.700 Let's hit maybe one more call here.
00:53:40.920 One more call here.
00:53:41.640 Here we go.
00:53:43.260 Hey, Theo.
00:53:45.700 Connor calling in here from Louisiana.
00:53:48.340 What's up, Connor?
00:53:49.000 I'm in Louisiana right now, man.
00:53:50.300 Onward.
00:53:51.320 I was just calling in with a little problem that I have, and something, a pattern that
00:53:56.480 I've noticed that I partake in, or have partaken in over the years when it comes to women, is 1.00
00:54:02.680 I will be really interested in a girl, and let's say, you know, she begins to start showing
00:54:08.320 interest in me.
00:54:09.820 Okay, you're interested?
00:54:10.680 She shows interest?
00:54:11.700 Onward?
00:54:11.980 And there's this weird thing that I do where when she begins to show interest in me, then
00:54:17.840 I begin to lose interest in her.
00:54:20.440 Hmm. 0.94
00:54:21.580 Could be a little bit of homosexuality, maybe, but let's go here. 0.99
00:54:24.260 And let's say we go on a date or whatnot, and like, I'll end up, when she starts showing
00:54:30.380 like initiative, I end up getting really turned off, and I don't know what it is.
00:54:34.140 And this happened with a girl a few months ago, and this happened with a girl a few months
00:54:36.660 ago, I went out with her, and we went and did some, you know, did a few things, I don't
00:54:41.200 want to give too many details, but we went out.
00:54:43.420 Probably talking about drugs, or actually, you could be talking about laser tag or something,
00:54:46.780 sorry, onward?
00:54:47.560 On a little date, and I went okay, and she hit me up to hang back out with her later on,
00:54:53.560 and I just kind of self-sabotaged, I don't know why, and I kind of just stopped showing
00:54:59.320 much interest in her, stopped answering her text messages, and then she kind of just went
00:55:04.080 quiet after that. 0.99
00:55:06.440 Alright, sorry, we had an audio issue there, the battery's fucking shit, the farm or whatever. 0.98
00:55:13.180 Jesus, I'm in my brother's living room, I hope I'm not keeping him up, I hope one of 0.99
00:55:16.480 the kids isn't awake, they'll sleep right above this floor, if they're hearing this, dude.
00:55:23.560 Onward. 1.00
00:55:24.240 That, well, about a few weeks after that, I started thinking to myself, shit, I fucked 0.99
00:55:29.940 up, that was a really pretty girl that I went to school with, and we have a lot in common, 0.99
00:55:35.000 why did I do that?
00:55:36.480 Well, the other day, I saw her out with another guy that I know, and it just really made me 0.87
00:55:41.600 feel like shit, because, you know, kind of pangs of regret, like, why did I sabotage 0.99
00:55:48.820 that fucking situation? 0.99
00:55:50.100 I have no idea. 0.99
00:55:50.820 I was thinking maybe you could, you know, shed some light on the situation as to why
00:55:56.160 I seem to, A, like, A, be turned off when a girl starts showing interest in me, and B,
00:56:02.620 why do I have this tendency to self-sabotage my relationships, even if it's somebody that
00:56:07.280 I think I might like?
00:56:08.400 All right, I appreciate the call, man.
00:56:12.060 You know what, I can relate to some of these behaviors.
00:56:14.820 I can relate to some of these behaviors because it seems like you are just going to the next
00:56:25.020 thing.
00:56:26.360 Once a girl shows interest, that means it's a girl that you can get, that you are able
00:56:30.500 to get, so then you're out looking for something next, you know?
00:56:35.220 So that means either you are, it just, yeah, you're self-sabotaging.
00:56:40.380 You're not able to make yourself happy, you know?
00:56:43.960 And so it seemed like you, maybe you're not looking for the right things, you know?
00:56:48.100 You know, you're probably not even able to see what some of these women are really like 1.00
00:56:52.700 if you're able to move that quickly from one to the next, you know?
00:56:55.780 And this is just from experience, man.
00:56:58.160 You know, I've missed out on some decent ladies in my life because the second that they were 1.00
00:57:03.060 interested, you know, or wanted to catch a little bit of this root, that I would, I'd
00:57:08.640 just leave them in the forest, you know?
00:57:09.980 I moved right along.
00:57:11.560 There's something sometimes that's, once somebody's into us, we're no longer into them.
00:57:16.380 You know, and I think sometimes you'll just keep going through this until you find a situation
00:57:21.180 that's equal, you know?
00:57:23.340 But I think it would be nice to maybe give yourself a chance to see what it's like if
00:57:28.300 you stayed in it, you know?
00:57:29.900 If you just stayed in some of that.
00:57:31.420 Let me listen to the end of your call one more time so I can see if I can relate any more.
00:57:34.820 We have a lot in common.
00:57:36.040 Why did I do that?
00:57:37.560 Well, the other day I saw her out with another guy that I know, and it just really made me 0.99
00:57:42.640 feel like shit. 0.99
00:57:44.380 Yeah, it's just like you want everything. 0.99
00:57:45.860 You know, it's not like you want it all.
00:57:48.100 You know, you want to, you just want it all.
00:57:51.260 And look, man, I was there, dude.
00:57:52.580 I'd be at a party, and we'd get the beer, and then once we had the beer, we needed to
00:57:56.840 be at a, like we'd just get to a party, and if the party was good, I'd be like, oh, there's
00:58:01.800 got to be a better party going on. 0.82
00:58:03.900 What do you mean there's a better, we fucking live in a small area. 0.95
00:58:06.980 We were lucky to have any party. 0.98
00:58:09.180 There weren't no better party.
00:58:10.660 What do I think? 0.99
00:58:12.040 Somebody gots a cannon at, somebody gots a cannon, or somebody doing like fucking mule 0.99
00:58:17.160 rides, or they got free cocaine out there. 0.95
00:58:20.680 There wasn't, there was, I was always thinking there was something better, and always wanted
00:58:25.320 more.
00:58:25.960 There always had to be, oh, if this, oh, then this, you know.
00:58:29.700 Oh, we got a van, oh, then we should get a water slide, you know. 0.99
00:58:33.840 Oh, we got a water slide, we should get a fucking, we should get a, you know, a damn grenade. 0.99
00:58:43.980 You know, it was always, you had to, there was something, I needed something better every 1.00
00:58:47.660 time.
00:58:49.200 It was, nothing was ever enough.
00:58:51.400 Nothing was ever enough.
00:58:53.060 There was never any, oh, I'm just happy to have this.
00:58:57.120 So maybe some of that's it, man.
00:58:58.840 And then, of course, you're going to feel bad because your brain's telling you you want
00:59:02.200 everything.
00:59:02.680 Your brain's telling you, oh, you got to have everything.
00:59:05.920 You know, you should have this, you should have that.
00:59:08.060 Oh, she likes you, oh, you just got to be somebody else that likes you.
00:59:11.060 You know, it sounds like your brain is taking control of you.
00:59:14.420 So it might be nice to find some ways to try and battle that brain.
00:59:17.940 You know, find some gratitude.
00:59:20.160 You know, I make a gratitude list, man.
00:59:21.920 I probably do it five days a week.
00:59:23.740 It just reminds me to be a little bit more, it slows my brain down a little.
00:59:27.580 To be a little bit more grateful for what's actually in front of me, or at least think
00:59:31.840 about it.
00:59:32.660 And it can be simple things.
00:59:34.680 You know, I'm grateful for so-and-so and a reason why.
00:59:38.000 That's what I write.
00:59:38.800 Like, you know, I'm grateful for Diana, you know, because she, you know, she stopped by
00:59:48.660 my work the other day and brought me a snack.
00:59:52.340 You know, when she does that, it makes me feel like somebody cares about me. 1.00
00:59:56.740 Like, gay shit like that, man, but it also makes me feel good. 1.00
00:59:59.380 You know, when that kind of stuff happens, you just got to remind yourself. 1.00
01:00:02.280 So you got to remind yourself, I think, of things that are, you know, a little bit of
01:00:05.700 gratitude, because that can slow you down.
01:00:07.620 And then you're not constantly thinking of what else can I have, because you'll have a
01:00:10.860 little bit more appreciation for things you do have. 0.99
01:00:12.800 Now, with that said, you also might be homosexual, you know, you might be into cutting up some 1.00
01:00:17.380 of that male butt, you know, you might be thinking of some of that, um, that man, you 0.99
01:00:23.260 know, that man back, you know, you might be thinking of just, you know, being deep into 0.99
01:00:28.740 another man and just kissing his spine at the same time.
01:00:31.880 You know, I don't know.
01:00:33.120 There also could be some of that.
01:00:34.660 So if you want to investigate, maybe, you know, and I'm not saying you need to be with
01:00:40.660 another man, but if there's a friend you have who is open to at least just lying next to
01:00:47.500 each other, you know, in swimming trunks or in, you know, some loose fitting jeans, something
01:00:54.480 like that, and just seeing what it feels like if even the sides of y'all's arms or sides
01:00:58.860 of y'all's legs are next to each other.
01:01:00.940 And I would take that in a slow measure, but if the side of your arm feels okay next to
01:01:04.680 him, then touch your leg against his leg.
01:01:08.600 I'm not saying anything crazy. 0.96
01:01:10.760 I'm not saying genitalia, but I'm just saying, you know, feel that vibe out because you might 0.99
01:01:15.200 have that homosexual activity going through your blood and you might want to, that might 0.99
01:01:18.760 be your, something you're into because in the meantime, you'll find women forever. 0.97
01:01:24.640 You know, of course it's not this woman.
01:01:26.220 It's not this woman. 0.66
01:01:26.860 It's not this woman. 0.66
01:01:27.460 It's not any of the women because your libido might be hunting for a man, you know, hunting 1.00
01:01:33.120 for that, you know, uh, more like chromosome, you know, it's something, uh, you know, somebody
01:01:38.680 whose body mirrors your own and that's going to be probably a male body.
01:01:43.540 So that could be it, man.
01:01:44.700 So that would be the two things I would try maybe to see what's going on.
01:01:47.140 I would try to be more gracious, you know, for what's going on, people you're meeting,
01:01:51.400 you know, and I do that by having a gratitude list or I would try, uh, homosexuality and see 1.00
01:01:56.380 if that fits you. 0.62
01:01:57.120 You know, that might be your glass slipper, but we've talked a lot about it tonight, man.
01:02:01.340 You know, we've talked a lot about it today or whatever day it is, whenever you're taking
01:02:04.140 this in about sexuality and what's going on.
01:02:07.900 And I think we're a little bit on a new horizon there, you know, and I think you have to really
01:02:12.180 ask yourself, what do you want and not be afraid to try it.
01:02:16.120 You know, if you want to try, you know, if you, you know, everybody's, you know, every,
01:02:21.200 we all service the, you know, we all fit somewhere in the sex world, you know, 0.74
01:02:27.060 some people like, you know, tons of sex.
01:02:29.500 Some people don't like any, you know, but just don't let the world or the environment
01:02:34.340 or somebody else tell you how you should be sexually because that's where you start going
01:02:39.060 astray.
01:02:39.720 And I've been there, you know, I remember actually one of the first times I ever partied
01:02:44.540 on drugs, I was here in Baton Rouge and I caught me some cocaine and somebody said it was performance
01:02:49.180 enhancing drug.
01:02:50.720 So I went for a run.
01:02:52.060 I'm thinking performance enhancing.
01:02:53.480 I'll go for a run.
01:02:55.160 And I ran eight miles on a couple of grams of cocaine.
01:02:59.120 You know, I'd pull off this, this, this runway, this, you know, track I was running on, you know,
01:03:04.600 or this just went all around the city and I would pull off and do me a couple of bumps
01:03:09.580 out in the, you know, out in the palm fronds or out in the woods and then jump back on that track
01:03:14.380 and keep running.
01:03:15.460 And I was wearing a pair of orange umbros, you know, and just running. 0.99
01:03:19.280 And dude, I was running so fucking fast, boy, because I'm thinking this shit is performance 0.99
01:03:23.240 enhancing and I'm about to up my ante. 0.99
01:03:26.320 You know, I probably did a damn four minute mile, son, you know, running on cocaine and 0.98
01:03:31.400 umbros. 0.98
01:03:32.480 But half that time I was probably thinking about leg, thinking about trim, thinking about
01:03:36.080 ladies, you know, we all got something that motivates us, you know, and we all have somewhere
01:03:40.780 where we fit in the sexual universe and that's okay, you know, but we just, I think it is
01:03:46.760 cool.
01:03:47.360 I think it is good and healthy to ask ourself what that really is and be confident in it.
01:03:53.300 You know, if you want to try something new, try something new. 1.00
01:03:56.080 And if someone thinks you're weird for trying something, fuck them. 1.00
01:03:59.600 They're not brave for their, then they're, they're weak for not trying it, you know, because 0.99
01:04:05.200 it's really, it's a, it's a wild game these days when it comes to sex, you know, and I
01:04:11.440 think that everybody, you know, to each their own, you know, but don't be afraid to be asexual. 0.98
01:04:18.340 Don't be afraid to, you know, to get on that elevator, that sex, that vertical sex trolley, 1.00
01:04:23.940 you know, even if the black camera's in there, you know, putting that white crotch to sleep, 1.00
01:04:29.600 you know, don't be afraid to try. 0.98
01:04:31.600 Don't be afraid to get out there.
01:04:32.900 All right, man, I got to shut this down this week.
01:04:34.940 I'll see you guys next week.
01:04:37.860 And, and I'll talk to you guys soon.
01:04:40.500 There will be links at the bottom of the episode on YouTube.
01:04:42.640 Thank you guys so much for your support.
01:04:44.400 Have a great week, man.
01:04:56.960 Thank you, guys.
01:05:02.900 Ladies and gentlemen, I'm Jonathan Kite and welcome to Kite Club, a podcast where I'll be
01:05:30.540 sharing thoughts on things like current events, stand-up stories, and seven ways to pleasure
01:05:35.380 your partner.
01:05:36.660 The answer may shock you.
01:05:38.400 Sometimes I'll interview my friends.
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01:05:48.100 A lot of people are talking about Kite Club.
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01:06:04.840 Oh, hi.
01:06:05.720 I'll take a quarter pounder with cheese and a McFlurry.
01:06:08.640 Sorry, sir, but our ice cream machine is broken.
01:06:10.740 Oh, no.
01:06:12.200 I think Tom Hanks just butt-dialed me.
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