This Past Weekend with Theo Von - November 13, 2017


11-13-17 ｜ This Past Weekend #51


Episode Stats


Length

1 hour and 14 minutes

Words per minute

184.71242

Word count

13,853

Sentence count

1,188

Harmful content

Misogyny

37

sentences flagged

Toxicity

257

sentences flagged

Hate speech

27

sentences flagged


Summary

Summaries generated with gmurro/bart-large-finetuned-filtered-spotify-podcast-summ .

Where's your paradise city? Where do you go to find it? What is it like to live in a city called Paradise City? Is it a place of peace and tranquility? Or is it a city of chaos and turmoil?

Transcript

Transcript generated with Whisper (turbo).
Misogyny classifications generated with MilaNLProc/bert-base-uncased-ear-misogyny .
Toxicity classifications generated with s-nlp/roberta_toxicity_classifier .
Hate speech classifications generated with facebook/roberta-hate-speech-dynabench-r4-target .
00:00:00.000 Here we go.
00:00:23.000 You know it.
00:00:27.000 You know it.
00:00:30.000 Ah.
00:00:34.000 Happy Monday, November 13th.
00:00:37.000 And that is a recording done by the one and only Tiny Sandhu.
00:00:43.000 Tiny Sandhu dropped us another recording through the email.
00:00:48.000 And I want to thank you, Tiny Sandhu, whatever you are.
00:00:51.000 You know, I thought about this the other day.
00:00:54.000 I'm thinking to myself, well, dude, what is a Tiny Sandhu?
00:00:56.000 You know, have you ever been around one?
00:00:58.000 Do you know a Tiny Sandhu? 0.94
00:01:00.000 What is it?
00:01:01.000 You know?
00:01:02.000 What is it?
00:01:03.000 It's an animal?
00:01:04.000 You know?
00:01:05.000 It's a sapling?
00:01:07.000 You know, it's a, you know, it's a, it's a, you know, it's something that's, you know, like a small wiener.
00:01:14.000 What is it?
00:01:15.000 It's something you can pet.
00:01:16.000 It's something you can't pet.
00:01:18.000 What is a Tiny Sandhu?
00:01:20.000 And I have no idea.
00:01:22.000 I have no idea.
00:01:24.000 But if you don't know, if you, if you, if you, if you want to think about what a Tiny Sandhu is, you go ahead and think about it as well.
00:01:29.000 Cause anybody can think about anything.
00:01:31.000 That's one thing I know for sure.
00:01:33.000 You know what I'm saying?
00:01:34.000 Boy, I'll be thinking about things.
00:01:37.000 People could say, you can't do this.
00:01:39.000 You can't do that.
00:01:40.000 But when you look inside of my head, if you could see the picture shows that's going on, cause I'll be thinking about it all.
00:01:51.000 But there he is, whatever that beautiful animal is, Tiny Sandhu playing a little bit of Guns N' Roses Paradise City underwater.
00:01:58.000 And it had me thinking, where's my paradise city?
00:02:01.000 You know, am I always going to live in, you know, in turmoil?
00:02:05.000 Am I always going to live, you know, in uncertainty?
00:02:08.000 Or am I going to choose the next time that I, you know, step out of my truck or step off of my bed in the morning?
00:02:15.000 You know, am I going to choose that, okay, today, wherever my feet are, this is my paradise city, you know?
00:02:24.000 Because it can be your promised land if you make it your promised land, you know?
00:02:29.000 And sometimes it just starts with a promise to yourself that your perception and the way you look at things is going to be a little bit brighter. 0.74
00:02:38.000 Because trust me, I drug around a dirty, dirty sack of bad attitudes for at least 15 years. 0.84
00:02:48.000 More, maybe even more. 0.93
00:02:50.000 If I could remember more years of my life, I would say definitely more.
00:02:54.000 And so I know what it's like to carry that negative attitude and that negative energy around.
00:02:58.000 And I don't recommend it.
00:03:00.000 I don't recommend it to anyone.
00:03:02.000 I honestly do not.
00:03:04.000 Thank you guys for joining me, man.
00:03:05.000 I'm so happy to be here.
00:03:07.000 It is Monday, November 13th.
00:03:09.000 Thank you guys for joining me on this past weekend.
00:03:11.000 Man, I had a wild one.
00:03:13.000 Man, I had a wild one.
00:03:15.000 I have to let you know that I will be in Huntsville, Alabama this Thursday, the 16th through Sunday, the 19th.
00:03:22.000 Friday night, I'm just featuring for a local gentleman.
00:03:25.000 They have a special show going on, but I will be on stage.
00:03:28.000 But if you're going to come out just to see me, I recommend Thursday, Saturday, Sunday.
00:03:32.000 As well, I want to let you know and thank you, Gray Block Pizza.
00:03:36.000 That's Gray Block Pizza in Santa Monica.
00:03:39.000 Ooh, Los Angeles, they say you don't got pizza.
00:03:42.000 Guess what?
00:03:43.000 You do.
00:03:44.000 Gray Block Pizza.
00:03:45.000 Good as it gets.
00:03:46.000 Tastes like you've had it before.
00:03:48.000 It'll make your mouth wish that it was a stomach. 0.64
00:03:51.000 Because after you swallow it, your mouth gets greedy that it only had it for such a short time.
00:03:56.000 And then your stomach's going to be holding on to it for a while.
00:03:59.000 That's Gray Block Pizza.
00:04:01.000 But I'm here.
00:04:03.000 I'm coming to you from Laughlin, Nevada.
00:04:05.000 Do you even know that?
00:04:06.000 Don't assume where I'm at.
00:04:08.000 Okay?
00:04:09.000 I'm coming to you from Laughlin, Nevada.
00:04:11.000 Or Nevada.
00:04:13.000 Drove up here yesterday to do a show at a church.
00:04:16.000 And it was at St. John, I believe it was at St. John Church.
00:04:23.000 Dude, I thought it was going to go swimmingly.
00:04:27.000 And it went off the rails.
00:04:30.000 I mean, I thought it was going to be like a side room of a church, right?
00:04:33.000 You think you're getting a gig at a church.
00:04:34.000 And look, I can handle it.
00:04:35.000 People, you know, think my material is super edgy sometimes.
00:04:38.000 But a lot of it's not.
00:04:39.000 You know?
00:04:40.000 I got a lot of great, you know, I can tell the stories and, you know,
00:04:42.000 and share stuff from my childhood.
00:04:44.000 I can keep people, you know, intertwined like that
00:04:46.000 and intertuned into what's going on.
00:04:48.000 But man, I got in there and it was in the actual church, dude,
00:04:51.000 where like the reverend and the preacher or the pastor
00:04:54.000 where he preaches, you know?
00:04:56.000 It was in his doghouse right there at the front.
00:04:59.000 And next thing you know, I get up.
00:05:01.000 I'm telling a few jokes.
00:05:03.000 And I use the word erect. 0.81
00:05:05.000 Erect. 1.00
00:05:06.000 And erect is when your penis starts looking around for something. 1.00
00:05:10.000 You know, for some other crotch. 0.99
00:05:12.000 You know, or even, hell, if it's been a long time, 0.99
00:05:15.000 it could be your own crotch. 1.00
00:05:16.000 You know, or even if it's like your penis heard something in the distance. 1.00
00:05:21.000 You know? 1.00
00:05:22.000 Sometime even if your penis, you know, that's what it is though. 1.00
00:05:26.000 And I said erect. 0.99
00:05:27.000 And some people walked out.
00:05:29.000 And I mean, look, I don't blame them.
00:05:31.000 You know, I'm saying erect.
00:05:32.000 I'm in a church.
00:05:33.000 But man, it didn't go swimmingly.
00:05:37.000 So then I had to stop telling jokes, right?
00:05:40.000 So suddenly one of the parishioners in the crowd just raises their hand and asks a question.
00:05:44.000 So now we started into a conversation, right?
00:05:47.000 And then I get people laughing.
00:05:48.000 They're asking questions.
00:05:49.000 I'm sharing things from my life, just experience from my own life.
00:05:53.000 We get it going.
00:05:54.000 And I really feel a lot of gratitude because those people saved the day.
00:05:58.000 Instead of sitting there and being miserable about what was going on, you know,
00:06:02.000 about, well, this guy's up here, you know, dropping the erection words into the air.
00:06:08.000 They decided to be like, well, let's get involved.
00:06:11.000 And let's, you know, let's change the vibe.
00:06:14.000 And I was able to be, you know, open enough to change the vibe.
00:06:17.000 And we kept the energy going.
00:06:18.000 And then for about 30 minutes, we did a Q&A that was full of laughter and joy.
00:06:23.000 A lot of the people were senior citizens.
00:06:25.000 And, you know, I grew up with a senior citizen.
00:06:27.000 My father was a senior citizen when I was born.
00:06:30.000 My father born in 1910.
00:06:32.000 And so suddenly I had this ground to really relate to them on.
00:06:35.000 And we were all just sharing stories.
00:06:37.000 And it turned out being a pretty good experience.
00:06:40.000 But at first it was a really bad experience.
00:06:43.000 I mean, I was sweating, sweating in front of about 100 people in this small church that asked me to come and perform.
00:06:52.000 And, well, you know, sometimes you get gigs like that.
00:06:56.000 That's the thing.
00:06:57.000 You know, I've had gigs where I flew into, you know, Guantanamo Bay.
00:07:01.000 And I got to do some shows there one time.
00:07:02.000 It was, you know, amazing.
00:07:04.000 And then sometimes you have gigs where you are sweating in front of people at a church.
00:07:08.000 And they're coming to your aid, you know.
00:07:11.000 Man.
00:07:12.000 So that just happened this evening here in Laughlin, Nevada.
00:07:16.000 Good people.
00:07:17.000 And one of them started talking about rheumatism during the show.
00:07:21.000 You know, we're talking to each other.
00:07:23.000 Because at the end it was cute.
00:07:24.000 Like I could not tell any more jokes.
00:07:26.000 I was so afraid to tell any jokes that I was going to really offend someone.
00:07:30.000 So, and one of the seniors mentioned rheumatism.
00:07:33.000 And I don't know what rheumatism is.
00:07:35.000 You know, and I was like, well, is it like when you're in a room and, you know, you're really scared.
00:07:42.000 You know, you're like scared of being in that room.
00:07:44.000 And they were laughing.
00:07:47.000 And then I was like, because if it is, that's what I have right now.
00:07:51.000 I have rheumatism.
00:07:52.000 Because, man, I was, I, it was one of the toughest moments I've had in a show.
00:07:56.000 That's, that's for sure.
00:07:58.000 What else, man?
00:07:59.000 Oh, I went to Repticon this weekend.
00:08:01.000 And Repticon, that's reptiles.
00:08:03.000 And con men, which are really people, it's not con men, it's people that sell reptiles.
00:08:10.000 You know, but they're definitely trying to two for one, three for one, you know, throwing in a salamander, you know, throw in a swirly frog, you know, throwing a, you know, one of these little Buster Douglas geckos, you know.
00:08:24.000 I'm like, is that, it's real?
00:08:25.000 Is that a scientific name?
00:08:26.000 He's like, it's all black, you know, it's a little bit blue around the eyes.
00:08:29.000 It's a Buster Douglas gecko.
00:08:31.000 And I'm like, well, I guess Buster Douglas might've had some difference, you know, his unique skin tints, but that seemed like a wild name.
00:08:37.000 But, uh, I got to watch some tarantulas have sex and that, that's alarming, dude. 0.85
00:08:46.000 That's alarming when you see tarantulas. 0.63
00:08:48.000 Uh, first, first thing I noticed about a tarantula was they, if you hold onto a tarantula, you can barely feel it in your hand.
00:08:57.000 You can barely feel a tarantula and it can be sneaking around on your skin and you don't even know.
00:09:04.000 Like it's looking for Easter candy. 0.98
00:09:11.000 I mean, and dude, they, there's something about them where you, I mean, it felt like this motherfucker knew me and knew that I had cheated on some of my taxes before. 0.96
00:09:22.000 That's exactly what this thing, the second they kept putting it on me, this, it would go straight up, try to go straight up my arm. 0.95
00:09:27.000 Like it was going from a heart, you know, like it was trying to, like it was going to go inside of me or something and see what was going on inside of me.
00:09:34.000 Very scary, very, very scary, uh, for me, you know, the tarantulas or ranches, you know, or chulas.
00:09:42.000 Some people call them chulas, but I think that that might even be racially offensive, uh, to Latinos. 0.99
00:09:46.000 I don't know if it is, but it felt like it was, uh, when I was saying it, you know, let me get them chulas, you know, and look at these chulas fucking. 1.00
00:09:55.000 Because we got to watch them have sex. 1.00
00:09:58.000 I was down there working for the chive. 0.94
00:10:00.000 I was doing stuff for the chive and the chive is a, is a vegetable.
00:10:03.000 Um, you know, that's ditch onions, but it's also a website where you can look at breasts and pictures of cats and animals and fun stuff like that.
00:10:11.000 And I was down there doing some work for them and we went to Repticon.
00:10:15.000 And dude, the people that work at these conventions, I don't know if anybody ever been involved in a convention.
00:10:21.000 But the people that work at conventions, dude, it's wild.
00:10:26.000 You know, there, a lot of them are on, they're drinking their own uppers, you know, you know, they're in the back hitting, you know, balming up their insides with that dust, you know, getting funny on that puff puff, you know, they're doing it all. 0.54
00:10:40.000 You know, a lot of them are back there just re-spackling their innards with that freaking Kool-Aid powder, you know what I'm saying? 0.99
00:10:47.000 And that's that shit that'll make you, that'll make a jug of, that'll make a jug of sugar water, you know, come crashing through your wall, you know? 1.00
00:10:54.000 Kool-Aid man, remember that commercial? 1.00
00:10:56.000 Kool-Aid man can.
00:10:58.000 Well, a lot of these people that work at these shows and these, you know, these things are like that.
00:11:07.000 They do, a lot of them are on uppers.
00:11:08.000 So you'd be in the bathroom and these people out there, you know, they're popping little quail uppers and, you know, quailudes and, you know, buzz saws and freaking whisper bears or whatever they need to get it in their system to stay awake, you know?
00:11:23.000 That cocaine, you know, that orange juice powder, whatever they're doing, you know what I'm saying? 0.97
00:11:27.740 That freaking, they're back there snorting, you know, snorting fucking dried up starburst crust and all kinds of shit like that just to make themselves feel, get that high. 0.99
00:11:39.260 But then they're out there slinging snakes and reptiles. 0.99
00:11:43.140 Dude, one guy had this little bin, this little Rubbermaid bin, had about 200 baby tarantulas in it.
00:11:49.620 Think about that.
00:11:50.540 Dude, they were so little.
00:11:54.340 Man, I was, look, I was scared.
00:11:56.460 Like in the beginning we got there and they had to, you know, had to hold a snake and look, I've been around snakes, you know?
00:12:03.400 When I was growing up, one of my best friends, he's best friend for a little while and he was also a real angry boy in our town.
00:12:11.980 And he used to always go catch snake because he couldn't say S.
00:12:16.180 So he used to go catch snake and he'd make you go catch snake with him.
00:12:23.100 And he would get piffed if you didn't go catch snake.
00:12:27.400 So dude, he'd be like, come on, man, we're going to get some snake.
00:12:31.200 And I did not want to go with this dude, but I did not want to get beaten by him either.
00:12:34.840 So the fear that I felt as a child having to hunt snakes when I didn't want to be hunting snakes because I didn't even like snakes, okay? 0.99
00:12:45.980 But also the fear was if I didn't hunt for snakes that I was going to get my ass beat. 0.98
00:12:52.980 And that was scary. 0.99
00:12:54.740 That was scary for me.
00:12:56.860 That was scary for me.
00:12:58.200 So I think some of this brought back feelings of that, you know, of hunting snakes and all of that.
00:13:04.480 And just a lot.
00:13:05.660 There was a lot going on.
00:13:06.760 But it was a wild weekend for me.
00:13:09.260 I went and saw Morrissey.
00:13:10.780 I saw Billy Idol.
00:13:11.740 I hadn't been to a concert in Los Angeles in a long time, like at the Hollywood Bowl.
00:13:17.280 They have a huge place you can see a concert.
00:13:20.620 And I know this show is all over the place right now.
00:13:23.300 Look, it's just sometimes it's going to be like that, you know?
00:13:27.380 That's the week.
00:13:28.460 That's the weekend.
00:13:29.360 It's midnight right now.
00:13:30.440 I'm in Laughlin, you know?
00:13:33.140 And that was the weekend that I had.
00:13:36.540 But it was a lot of joy too, man.
00:13:39.120 And you guys hit me with a lot of calls.
00:13:40.660 I didn't post up the Ari thing this week because there wasn't a lot of interest in it.
00:13:44.700 And so I don't think we're going to have Ari on anymore.
00:13:47.500 And that's not a knock to Ari.
00:13:49.000 I love Ari.
00:13:50.040 There may be a reason in the future.
00:13:52.040 But at the time, I think we're just going to keep things kind of like it is.
00:13:55.180 And I hope to get into some call-ins.
00:13:57.820 We've got a new producer that's going to be helping me out on Wednesday.
00:14:00.940 We're going to put out a Thursday episode this week as well.
00:14:03.940 So I'm really excited about that.
00:14:06.560 And that's just some of the new stuff that's going on that I wanted to fill you guys in on.
00:14:11.400 Also, last week we were talking about what's real, right?
00:14:13.800 And I didn't get to – there was a voicemail that I put up on the Patreon because I'll do, you know, after content on the Patreon.
00:14:20.800 And you can be a part of Patreon if you want, patreon.com slash TheoVon, T-H-E-O-V-O-N.
00:14:29.460 Every little bit helps, man.
00:14:31.000 We're so grateful to the donors, man.
00:14:32.660 The Gunt Squad people are contributing $10 a month to help out.
00:14:37.000 It does mean a lot.
00:14:38.520 We're going to be putting a lot of good stuff on there.
00:14:40.640 So thank you.
00:14:42.580 But last week we were talking about what's real, you know.
00:14:45.340 And a caller dropped this call in to me, and I just want to play it for you guys.
00:14:48.360 So you guys have an idea of – it just kind of put me on a good note.
00:14:52.860 And I should have played it at the end last week, but I didn't.
00:14:54.700 Here we go.
00:14:55.880 Hey, what's up, Theo?
00:14:56.960 It's Michael from California.
00:14:59.360 Hey, man, I just asked my girlfriend's father for his permission to ask her to marry me.
00:15:06.340 And he gave me his blessing.
00:15:09.580 Felt really good, man.
00:15:10.900 It was one of those times in your life where it's just, you know, asking a father to marry his daughter. 0.62
00:15:23.180 That's – wow, man.
00:15:24.880 I'm still thinking about it.
00:15:27.480 It's like an honor, you know.
00:15:29.700 It's an honor.
00:15:30.700 So, man, I'm pumped.
00:15:33.120 Just got to go find a ring, man.
00:15:34.620 There you go.
00:15:36.760 So, yeah, I just wanted to play a little bit of that call for you.
00:15:38.880 I know we were talking about things that are real.
00:15:40.160 We talked about friends and family and how that's something that's real.
00:15:43.320 But just hearing that Michael right there, you know, he went the old-fashioned route, hit up the daddy cat, you know.
00:15:50.520 Because sometimes you've got to scratch daddy's back if you want to play with his daughter's breasts, you know. 1.00
00:15:55.960 And we all know that. 0.96
00:15:57.180 And nothing any different from Michael there making that move.
00:16:01.220 Congratulations, Michael, you know, that you got the dad's permission.
00:16:04.700 Now you're halfway there, you know.
00:16:07.640 It's like you made the first – you know, you hit the warp zone.
00:16:10.000 Now you just got to get up in the castle and beat Big Bowser, you know.
00:16:13.380 You got to get that lady to be on time with you. 1.00
00:16:16.960 And you're going to get that ring for her, and that's beautiful, man.
00:16:19.660 That's beautiful.
00:16:20.700 Congratulations.
00:16:21.980 It's been a good week.
00:16:23.000 It's been a good week for me.
00:16:24.420 Everything's still cruising along.
00:16:27.180 What else did I do this weekend?
00:16:30.080 I went – let me see.
00:16:32.660 I went to Repticon.
00:16:33.660 I went to the Morrissey.
00:16:34.860 Did some shows.
00:16:36.060 Had a nice conversation with Kevin Nealon.
00:16:37.740 Kevin Nealon at the Comedy Store.
00:16:40.620 You remember him from SNL.
00:16:43.000 Sweetest man.
00:16:44.120 I mean, just a nice guy to be around.
00:16:46.200 A gentle soul.
00:16:47.880 That was good.
00:16:50.420 And what else, man?
00:16:52.160 Been struggling with the, you know, the Masty personally, dude. 1.00
00:16:55.560 I thought things was going to be swell. 0.99
00:16:57.220 And usually, my masturbation flares up in the winter. 0.98
00:17:01.480 You know, my masturbation flares up in the winter. 0.98
00:17:03.540 And I don't know why. 0.96
00:17:04.460 I don't know if it's just – I don't know if there's more full moons in the winter.
00:17:09.020 Or if there's more, you know, stray animals.
00:17:12.220 A lot of animals that run away from home run away from home in the wintertime.
00:17:15.160 And I know that's, you know, everybody pretty much knows that.
00:17:20.980 But I think there's something innate in a man, you know, when these animals are out and about and you're still, you know, that makes us growl.
00:17:30.360 That makes us want to just puff out our chest and just touch ourselves.
00:17:35.760 You know?
00:17:36.380 And I guess that's something that was going on for me, man.
00:17:38.220 I've just been struggling with it.
00:17:39.980 And, you know, I know for some people it's not a struggle.
00:17:42.140 But for me it is, man. 0.99
00:17:43.740 When I get home and I got zero plans to masturbate, you know, to touch myself or to pleasure myself. 0.94
00:17:50.520 And then, you know, three minutes and 40 seconds later, I find myself just waddling towards the restroom with my pants at my ankles. 0.90
00:18:00.120 And I got the Lord's, you know, I got the Lord's, you know, cinnamon drippings on the, you know, on the outside of my hands, you know, from doing dirty works to myself.
00:18:15.480 It just makes me, you know, it's just not something that I want to be doing regularly.
00:18:21.080 I mean, I'm trying to do, to be honest, I'm trying to not do it for a while.
00:18:25.160 That's the thing, you know. 0.95
00:18:26.960 I'd be okay with masturbating or doing touchy if I hadn't, if I could take a break from doing it. 0.97
00:18:34.340 But it's hard to quit, dude. 0.99
00:18:36.440 It's hard to quit touching yourself, you know.
00:18:40.880 I don't know. 1.00
00:18:41.540 I mean, what are they, I feel like sometimes I feel like my dick has cigarettes in it, you know, because I don't know. 0.96
00:18:46.180 I mean, there's nothing that's harder, I don't know, anything harder to quit, you know, or to just take a break from. 0.87
00:18:52.520 And I don't want to have to get a sponsor or somebody that, you know, watches me at night.
00:18:56.640 That's crazy.
00:18:58.240 But I'm thinking about it.
00:19:00.120 I'd be lying to you if I didn't say I was thinking about paying someone to watch me at night for two hours, paying 50 bucks an hour just for, you know, 20 days or something.
00:19:10.200 And I know you're like, well, that's a thousand bucks.
00:19:12.040 Yeah, it is.
00:19:12.600 But it also will be 20 days of assurance where daddy, you know, ain't being all naughty with himself, you know, and ain't just, you know, and ain't just making that fire water fly out of himself.
00:19:27.300 You know, for no real reason.
00:19:30.280 I mean, it's just, I don't know.
00:19:32.700 I'm going to quit talking about it because I don't want to be, I don't want to think down about myself and have too much shame.
00:19:36.420 But that's where I'm at, man.
00:19:37.640 That's what's been going on.
00:19:39.400 I got a lot of response from the Fighter and the Kid podcast.
00:19:41.860 I did it.
00:19:42.340 If you didn't get a chance to hear it, go check it out.
00:19:44.800 That's with myself and Brian Callen and Brendan Schaub.
00:19:48.440 I had a good time on there.
00:19:49.420 And then I had a caller that gave a response to that, to my appearance on there, and a discussion that happened on there.
00:19:55.340 And I want to check that in right now.
00:19:56.780 Here we go.
00:19:58.200 See you.
00:19:58.560 What's going on, man?
00:19:59.400 It's Pat from Mobile, Alabama.
00:20:01.240 That's my boy Pat from Mobile.
00:20:02.940 And Pat only has one leg, you know.
00:20:05.580 He only has one leg, dude.
00:20:07.200 Think about something that only has one leg, you know.
00:20:10.760 Think about something.
00:20:13.160 That's Pat.
00:20:14.520 Onward. 1.00
00:20:16.840 You know, still fucking hate. 0.99
00:20:19.420 I'm hating the hair, bro. 0.99
00:20:21.060 But, you know, you just got to be better, man.
00:20:23.120 Look in the mirror and say, I'm going to be better.
00:20:24.900 But I wanted to say, though, you...
00:20:26.940 Pat.
00:20:28.380 Okay?
00:20:29.300 People with one leg shouldn't throw stones, dude.
00:20:31.740 You ever heard that?
00:20:33.580 You know?
00:20:34.480 Yeah, I got bad hair, dude.
00:20:36.440 You know?
00:20:36.940 I know it.
00:20:37.560 It's humbling.
00:20:39.060 You know?
00:20:39.360 And if anybody should know about humbling, it's you, my brother.
00:20:41.700 And I respect what you do.
00:20:43.360 You know?
00:20:43.580 I know you got, you know, you ain't all limbed up like a lot of people.
00:20:47.980 And a lot of people are taking the easy way out.
00:20:49.740 I know it. 1.00
00:20:50.840 I know sometimes when I'm standing up on both of my fucking legs that I'm kind of a pussy. 1.00
00:20:56.620 You know? 1.00
00:20:57.320 I think about that sometimes. 0.99
00:20:58.940 Sometimes when I'm standing on my legs, I'm thinking, well, damn. 0.98
00:21:02.060 Pat's out there on one leg doing the same thing I'm doing. 0.98
00:21:06.820 You know?
00:21:07.360 Aren't I taking the easy way out?
00:21:09.200 And I recognize that, man.
00:21:11.500 You know?
00:21:12.080 We all have our things.
00:21:13.840 You know?
00:21:14.200 And I got the hair.
00:21:15.020 It's humbling.
00:21:15.880 So I respect your humble game by showing up, you know, with three limbs.
00:21:19.840 So just respect mine, man.
00:21:21.300 I know it's nasty. 0.99
00:21:23.300 Dude, I know I look like somebody that sells fucking indoor waterfalls in Tennessee. 0.99
00:21:28.960 You know? 0.99
00:21:29.940 I know I look like somebody that models land.
00:21:33.060 You know? 1.00
00:21:33.440 I look like a supermodel at a fucking swap meet. 1.00
00:21:37.140 I know I look bad, dude. 1.00
00:21:39.140 You know?
00:21:39.860 I know I look like the dude that always farted.
00:21:43.340 You know?
00:21:44.100 That's what this haircut does, brother. 0.94
00:21:46.920 When you show up with this haircut, you are the dude that farted.
00:21:51.740 Doesn't matter.
00:21:53.040 But onward, Patrick.
00:21:54.120 I do appreciate your call, man.
00:21:55.440 And I love you.
00:21:55.980 And I appreciate you calling down there from Mobile, Alabama.
00:21:57.920 I got a beautiful half-sister and her family live over there near Spanish Fort. 0.50
00:22:03.580 Onward.
00:22:04.160 You said you've never been around a black man who's been nervous on the fighter and the kid.
00:22:10.340 That's true.
00:22:11.460 Well, we had a discussion on the fighter and the kid the other day.
00:22:14.880 And I actually had the same discussion with my buddy James the other day where do black people get nervous?
00:22:22.860 You know?
00:22:23.220 And that's, I mean, I understand, I know we all have nerves in our body.
00:22:27.620 But when I think back in my life, I can't ever think of a black friend of mine telling me he's nervous.
00:22:34.760 You know?
00:22:36.220 I'm like, Jesus Christmas.
00:22:39.140 Like, that must be awesome.
00:22:42.660 Imagine not getting nervous.
00:22:44.180 Like, it makes me think maybe that could be one of the reasons why a lot of black guys are better at basketball. 0.99
00:22:50.860 Because every time I got the ball, I'm nervous as fuck. 0.99
00:22:54.700 Imagine having no nerves and just being able to rely on your abilities. 0.99
00:22:59.420 You know, in any case, approaching women.
00:23:03.080 My black buddy's always better at approaching women. 1.00
00:23:06.140 Or I would say 90% of the time, better at approaching women. 0.84
00:23:10.460 And I just can't, I can't think of, do black guys get nervous?
00:23:14.660 You know? 0.86
00:23:15.040 And that's a call-in.
00:23:15.740 We can put that at a call-in for this coming week.
00:23:18.740 And this isn't, I'm not thinking, if you're taking this as a race, I'm not making fun.
00:23:22.320 This isn't, it'd be just like asking, you know, trying to think up an idea or about any ethnicity.
00:23:29.660 Or any type of gender, you know, whatever. 1.00
00:23:32.400 You know?
00:23:33.360 Do black people get nervous?
00:23:34.940 And I'm going to talk to some black friends of mine as well and have them comment on this.
00:23:39.620 Because I want to know.
00:23:40.360 I want to get to the bottom of this.
00:23:41.560 But that's what the conversation was on the fighter and the kid.
00:23:44.040 And that's what Pat is calling about here.
00:23:45.820 Pat, let's hear a little bit more.
00:23:46.860 And I got to tell you, man, there's two things that black gentlemen get nervous about, man.
00:23:54.020 One are court sentences. 1.00
00:23:57.100 You look at a black man's face during a court sentence, motherfucker, they're sweating goddamn bullets. 1.00
00:24:02.900 That's a good point, dude. 1.00
00:24:04.960 That might be true.
00:24:07.380 Wow, that's true, huh?
00:24:10.640 That's pretty true, dude.
00:24:12.040 Unless it's like, you know, somebody who's like thugging or fronting, which no matter what color or ethnicity you are, then those dudes are always kind of like just being hard.
00:24:21.800 But otherwise, I guess maybe that's an example of when black guys get nervous. 0.92
00:24:25.360 Okay? 0.96
00:24:25.880 Onward?
00:24:26.680 Okay.
00:24:27.760 I'm telling you, man.
00:24:29.640 Don't go to Judge Judy. 1.00
00:24:31.120 Go to like the fucking C-SPAN type television. 0.99
00:24:35.620 Like, you know what I mean? 1.00
00:24:36.280 Like the real boring shit where you got an old ass judge. 1.00
00:24:39.980 So that's one thing they get fucking nervous about. 1.00
00:24:42.320 Court sentences. 1.00
00:24:43.420 Number two, fucking paternity test. 1.00
00:24:46.920 Man, I had so many shit people I know sweating fucking over, hoping that DNA. 1.00
00:24:54.780 Man, I know dudes who tried to fucking put bleach in like the little swab joint. 1.00
00:25:00.180 You know, you got a swab for the DNA and shit, man. 1.00
00:25:02.160 They tried to put bleach on that bitch just so that DNA test comes out all types of fucked up. 1.00
00:25:07.720 Wow. 0.99
00:25:08.160 So Pat knows some guys down there in South Alabama who were trying to bleach their way out of, off of children's birth certificates, you know, by disenfranchising the test that women take.
00:25:23.420 That vaginal, you know, swab factor that lets us know, you know, if the baby, if there's even a baby, I guess, you know. 0.99
00:25:32.180 So, damn, that's gangsta. 0.99
00:25:34.760 But that's two good examples. 0.99
00:25:36.080 That's two good examples, Pat.
00:25:37.160 I appreciate that.
00:25:38.400 And if you guys have an example out there, if you think, that's a good question.
00:25:41.760 You know, there's, and there's just some, there's some innate differences between people, you know, in ethnicities and, and in genders, of course.
00:25:48.820 But I remember the first time I noticed a real, like, intrinsic, or I don't know if intrinsic's the word, but, you know, a difference one time between me and a black gentleman. 0.96
00:25:59.460 They had this boy in our town named Boo Boo Tyson, and his brother had set his leg on fire, and they used to call him Ashy because his leg was ashed up.
00:26:09.260 And Boo Boo had the nicest smile in town, man.
00:26:12.380 We played basketball together for a few years.
00:26:15.280 We went to school together for a few years.
00:26:19.160 Kind of like the town mascot.
00:26:20.700 I don't think there was a person in town that didn't love Boo Boo Tyson.
00:26:24.360 And Boo Boo Tyson, you know, he had that leg was a little bit crisped up. 1.00
00:26:29.220 So one of his legs was a little bit leaner than his other leg because it had been crisped.
00:26:33.960 It had been crisped in a fire.
00:26:37.360 And, and so Boo Boo was constantly carrying, you know, different type of lotion, you know, or things you would put on horses, stuff like that.
00:26:44.620 Heavy lotion, intense lotion, you know, stuff you would pack that they packed ball bearings in on a car tire. 0.84
00:26:50.780 Like really, real ass lubricants, you know. 0.99
00:26:55.500 I mean, this dude would crack open a Ziploc bag full of, you know, shit that they used on the damn NASA space jet. 0.99
00:27:03.540 You know, you know, things that could really, I mean, you could slick your hair back for, you know, for probably about half a decade with some of this pomade. 0.99
00:27:12.960 Some of this heavy, heavy, heavy grip and heavy softener this boy carried.
00:27:17.280 And he would polish that up into his leg, you know.
00:27:21.140 And this reminds me actually of, you know, my step-grandfather D'Artagnan.
00:27:25.660 And I talked about it last week when he would let us, you know, put lotion into his legs.
00:27:30.380 But anyhow, Boo Boo Tyson had that magic leg by us. 1.00
00:27:33.840 And he used to ash that thing up.
00:27:36.740 And he used to put special, you know, special salves and softeners on his leg to, you know, keep the fire, you know, the afflictions of that fire out of his leg and away from everybody.
00:27:48.340 I can't even remember what I was talking about there.
00:27:50.360 What were we talking about?
00:27:51.640 Well, I know Patty called in and said that he had, you know, that people had different issues.
00:27:58.340 What else happened?
00:27:59.360 Man, my brain's a little slow tonight, guys.
00:28:00.840 It's midnight, usually I try to get recorded a little earlier, but I had to drive here to Laughlin today.
00:28:07.280 What were we talking about?
00:28:09.060 Boo Boo Tyson. 1.00
00:28:10.280 Oh, well, here's the time that I noticed when Boo Boo Tyson, and Boo Boo Tyson introduced me to one of the most unique moments that I ever had with a young black man.
00:28:22.860 The first, one of the first most unique moments I ever had with a young black man was we were riding in the back of the truck.
00:28:29.360 You know, our basketball coach, Coach Steve, who, you know, he was a unique man, and he was driving us out somewhere to do some work down.
00:28:42.140 You know, we were both in the back of the truck, and he drove us about 60 miles an hour, probably about 15 minutes, and he comes to a stop sign out in the country.
00:28:48.180 And we stop, and Boo Boo and I just couldn't even be able to talk because the wind had been going by so fast.
00:28:53.040 We're just sitting in the back of an open truck.
00:28:55.420 And Boo Boo looks over at me, and he said, man, what's it like to have your hair blow in the wind?
00:29:01.600 And that, for me, was one of the first times that I was ever like, wow, you know, Boo Boo, he's never going to probably know what that's like, you know, like not the same way I will.
00:29:16.060 And so I just said, you know, I said, well, what's it like to not have your hair blow in the wind?
00:29:19.780 And, you know, that was my, you know, my answer, really, and also just a question to kind of, you know, to keep the conversation, or just to make it, I don't know, just a retort that I had.
00:29:31.340 That was my retort.
00:29:32.840 But it was interesting because I'd never thought about that before.
00:29:37.600 And that was one of the first times that I was like, oh, wow, you know, there's just some people, some people will have different experiences.
00:29:44.180 As simple as something to have your hair blow in the wind that Boo Boo Tyson would never know about it.
00:29:49.780 And at the time, I couldn't think of any of my black friends that would, you know, or any black kids even in my town that had long hair.
00:29:55.860 Because at this time, the only person that I knew that had a Jerry Carroll-type haircut was Raleigh Coleman, who was the vice principal at my school, at my junior high school, and who also used to sleep in the trunk of his car around lunchtime.
00:30:10.080 And that was wild why he did that.
00:30:13.300 And that could have been issues from birth, or maybe he got, you know, he didn't want to be, you know, he missed the womb or something.
00:30:19.100 I don't know.
00:30:20.440 But anyhow, so that was an interesting experience I had early on.
00:30:24.460 But do black guys get nervous?
00:30:26.480 Do black guys get nervous? 0.99
00:30:29.540 If they don't, teach me how. 0.99
00:30:33.740 Because most of my life is anxiety.
00:30:36.880 But when I really think about it, I personally cannot think of a time that a black friend of mine ever, ever said to me, man, I'm nervous.
00:30:47.440 Can you?
00:30:48.260 If you can, tell me, man.
00:30:49.480 Hit the hotline, 985-664-9503.
00:30:53.660 And we don't need anything, you know, nothing racial or jarring like that. 0.62
00:30:57.200 I'm not looking for anything like that.
00:30:58.540 But I am looking for just some unique experiences.
00:31:01.160 Or if you had a unique experience that showed you a difference between you and another ethnicity.
00:31:05.660 Something that was, like, unique, you know, that really gave you a perspective, you know, that adjusted your perspective or gave you a perspective a little bit.
00:31:15.780 I'd love to know more.
00:31:17.060 All right, let's move into another call that came in.
00:31:19.100 Here we go.
00:31:19.620 Hey, Theo, this is Fausta speaking from Brazil.
00:31:25.740 Fausta from Brazil, man.
00:31:27.900 And, you know, it's amazing, man.
00:31:29.100 I've had a young lady call from Saudi Arabia.
00:31:32.580 I've had people from Ireland call from Britain.
00:31:35.360 And the British, who we beat the British. 1.00
00:31:38.620 And here we are, Fausta from Brazil.
00:31:41.020 Onward.
00:31:41.300 I just want to say that I'm a big fan.
00:31:44.860 I first saw you on Joe Rogan podcast.
00:31:48.020 And ever since, I watch every, this weekend, this past weekend show.
00:31:53.700 Thanks, Fausta.
00:31:54.460 I appreciate that, man.
00:31:55.760 Dude, I saw Joe the other night in the hallway at the comedy store.
00:32:00.320 And I got a little bit nervous around him.
00:32:02.080 Sometimes I just get nervous around people, whether, you know, if I know him or not.
00:32:08.000 And, like, he had so many, like, a lot of fans were going up to him.
00:32:10.820 And people love him.
00:32:12.420 You know, it's like, it's almost like for some people getting to meet, you know, it's almost for some people seem like they're getting to see a, I don't know, it's obviously like a celebrity to some people.
00:32:24.400 But there's something else more than that.
00:32:25.980 It's like they get to see a little bit of a guru or a family member that they haven't met or something.
00:32:31.280 I don't know.
00:32:31.740 There's something unique about it, the way that his fans like him.
00:32:37.480 And I got kind of touched by just watching that, you know.
00:32:40.080 It's nice to see people not enamored.
00:32:44.060 I mean, there's that aspect.
00:32:45.920 But there was something else.
00:32:47.100 It's like they get to meet a little bit of a teacher that they, you know.
00:32:53.100 You know, it's like as if somebody dug up Aristotle and was bringing his, you know, and they, you know, attached some muscles and tendons and blood and everything to his bones and got him clicking again.
00:33:03.560 And then people showed up and, like, you know, we're meeting him.
00:33:06.540 There was some excitement in the air.
00:33:08.420 So, but yeah, so now I, you know.
00:33:11.280 Anyway, I don't know what I'm talking about.
00:33:12.980 Let's hear a little bit more.
00:33:14.440 Foster from Brazil.
00:33:15.340 And I think it's awesome.
00:33:17.740 You seem to be a pretty cool guy.
00:33:19.920 And I'm just calling to say that it's a beautiful day here in Brazil today.
00:33:24.760 It's Sunday noon and I'm watching your podcast and I just thought about calling.
00:33:32.120 I'm 38 years old, single, photographer here in Sao Paulo, big city.
00:33:37.440 And I'm just about to do some mushrooms today because it's a beautiful day.
00:33:44.300 I do that every once in a while.
00:34:07.440 It's sprinkling those indecencies, bruv. 1.00
00:34:10.500 You know, just, man, when you took on shrooms, you know, life was like an eight box of crayons. 1.00
00:34:15.780 But when you had them shrooms in your dome, suddenly, boy, you was running on that big kit, that big 64.
00:34:22.500 You know, and that's one thing I miss and love about them mushrooms, bruv.
00:34:26.040 Just treating yourself with that fungus, you know, getting that fungi-ungy up in your jungy-jungy, bruv.
00:34:33.100 Up in your brain jungle, you know, up in your thought penitentiary. 0.95
00:34:38.060 Dude, man, there was nothing better than watching your eyes drip out of your skull in a bathroom mirror at a stranger's apartment.
00:34:45.120 And then coming out of the bathroom and realizing it wasn't a stranger's apartment.
00:34:48.840 It was your apartment.
00:34:51.040 Man, that's one thing I miss about mushrooms, dude.
00:34:53.980 Going out in the field and picking them.
00:34:56.240 You know, saw one kid eat something one time in a field.
00:34:58.480 It wasn't even a mushroom. 0.98
00:34:59.420 It was something that a pig had coughed up and he got fucking sick and had to go to the hospital for about three weeks. 0.98
00:35:05.700 But you know what? 1.00
00:35:06.440 Fuck him, man. 1.00
00:35:08.240 You know, if you're out eating mushrooms and you're eating other shit off the ground, dude, you're an idiot. 1.00
00:35:12.720 You know, sometimes people are just an idiot, you know. 1.00
00:35:16.540 What else is going on, man? 1.00
00:35:17.500 There's a lot of stuff happening with, well, let's take one more listener and then I'm going to get into it.
00:35:23.040 People are talking about some of these just men and female issues that's going on and some of the conversations that are going on here in the aftermath of the Louis C.K. issue.
00:35:30.980 Let me take one more call here that came in.
00:35:32.400 Here we go.
00:35:33.840 What's going on, C.O., man?
00:35:35.700 Ryan from Pittsburgh here.
00:35:37.660 Ryan from Pittsburgh, man.
00:35:38.980 I got pink eye one time up there in the Monongahela. 0.97
00:35:41.820 And I got a blowjob up there behind the Giant Eagle, behind a chain grocer. 0.99
00:35:48.040 And all a Giant Eagle is, it's just a Kroger in disguise. 0.99
00:35:51.600 That's all that is. 0.99
00:35:52.620 But I got a beautiful blowjob up there one time. 0.98
00:35:55.620 And I got pink eye. 0.99
00:35:57.340 And onward. 1.00
00:36:00.360 Fucking take this job, man. 0.99
00:36:02.060 I often quit in the beginning of the week at my old job, so I started with no money. 0.99
00:36:08.480 So, I mean, it's been a week at this new place.
00:36:10.380 I'm paying for gas with change, dude.
00:36:12.920 I don't know if you know anything about paying for gas with change.
00:36:16.280 But it's an embarrassing act that I've been forced to have to do almost every day. 0.99
00:36:22.920 But I'm listening to you talk about rubbing lotion on this fucking old dude's leg. 0.99
00:36:29.080 And thick water. 0.99
00:36:30.200 And I just, you know, it immediately pulled me out of my funk, dude.
00:36:34.400 Thank you, man.
00:36:35.140 I appreciate it.
00:36:35.700 Yeah, there's no better way to get to know a grandparent than by putting, or even a step-grandparent
00:36:40.580 than by putting lotion on their body in a non-perverse way.
00:36:43.860 And if you think I'm crazy, go do that.
00:36:46.720 You know, you may have an association with your grandparent.
00:36:49.100 Now, go put lotion on their arms or legs.
00:36:51.460 You know?
00:36:52.320 Show them some tender love and some tender care that's non-sensual.
00:36:56.600 And let's see how much better you know them.
00:36:58.360 But I appreciate it, man.
00:36:59.300 I appreciate it.
00:37:01.380 I'm glad that we can make you laugh by, you know, and not be thinking about paying for gas
00:37:08.760 with change.
00:37:09.940 You know, I've been there.
00:37:10.620 I'm not there today.
00:37:11.660 Thank God.
00:37:12.340 I might be there again.
00:37:13.460 But I'm not there today.
00:37:14.640 But I have been there.
00:37:15.660 And I commend you for, you know, getting up, getting your gas, and getting where you need
00:37:19.400 to go.
00:37:19.900 Getting to work.
00:37:20.540 It sounds like that's what you're doing.
00:37:22.060 So I appreciate that call.
00:37:25.480 Let's hear another call here.
00:37:26.660 Here we go.
00:37:27.200 And then we're going to get into some of this other conversation.
00:37:29.860 The Louis C.K. issue is hot right now in Los Angeles.
00:37:33.740 You know, it's hot.
00:37:34.440 And, you know, Louis has been stripped, apparently, of a lot of his, you know, a lot of his opportunity.
00:37:41.700 He came out with a statement.
00:37:43.100 You know, Louis C.K., a famous comedian, was accused of, you know, I think there's five
00:37:50.620 instances in the article that I've read so far.
00:37:53.280 There may be new stuff.
00:37:54.160 I don't know.
00:37:54.600 There are five instances of sexual indecency.
00:38:00.580 And that's just a, you know, I don't know the exact term.
00:38:02.780 That's the term I'm using. 0.97
00:38:04.100 But, you know, there's five instances where he asked people if he could jerk off in front 0.99
00:38:07.700 of him. 0.98
00:38:08.000 One of them said no, and he didn't.
00:38:11.180 And then other people were like, or didn't say anything or laughed, and he kept going.
00:38:17.340 And that's a wild thing, man. 0.98
00:38:19.640 You know, to be jerking off in front of somebody is brave. 0.99
00:38:23.700 You know, it's brave. 1.00
00:38:26.180 But also, to be sitting watching somebody jerk off is, I mean, you know, to jerk off in 0.99
00:38:40.080 front of somebody is, you know, it's messed up. 1.00
00:38:42.820 It's ballsy. 1.00
00:38:44.180 It's fucked up. 1.00
00:38:46.020 If they don't want it, if you're looking at them and you can tell they do not want that 0.99
00:38:50.180 and you're continuing to do that, that's messed up.
00:38:54.360 You know, that's messed up. 0.97
00:38:56.900 Also, to sit there and watch somebody jerk off when you don't want to be is kind of 0.98
00:39:06.080 messed up. 1.00
00:39:07.300 You know, like, leave the fucking room. 1.00
00:39:10.200 You know, like, leave the room. 1.00
00:39:13.700 Somebody's jerking off, dude. 0.99
00:39:15.720 I'm out. 0.99
00:39:16.920 You know what I'm saying?
00:39:18.000 Like, knock, knock, who's there?
00:39:19.940 Not me.
00:39:21.580 You know, I'm leaving.
00:39:23.320 And I, you know, I know there's some traumatizing instances and stuff.
00:39:26.500 And, but if somebody's not blocking the door, adios, bro. 0.99
00:39:31.560 And that's Spanish for, I'm not watching you jerk off. 0.98
00:39:35.200 You know, I'm out of here. 0.98
00:39:37.160 But that's big out here in Los Angeles right now.
00:39:39.500 And a lot of men are afraid to, you know, to speak anything right now.
00:39:42.420 A lot of men are, you know, just scared.
00:39:44.520 It definitely feels like a witch hunt in Los Angeles.
00:39:47.220 It feels, I mean, any instances of, there's instances of like, you know, of just a man
00:39:55.040 looked at me this way or a man, you know, a few years ago, a man said something kind
00:39:59.820 of, you know, you know, rude or, I mean, it's just, it's baffling.
00:40:05.680 It's baffling.
00:40:06.800 And it's scary. 1.00
00:40:08.660 And I think a lot of the country probably is like, you know, you know, this is fucked 0.99
00:40:14.580 up, whatever. 0.98
00:40:16.840 A lot of people probably read the Louis story in the Louis article and were like, eh, you
00:40:21.760 know. 0.99
00:40:22.600 Yeah, it's fucked up, but it just seems like a, you know, kind of a fucked up dude, kind 0.99
00:40:26.200 of a pervy dude. 0.99
00:40:27.120 Um, I'm not surprised, I mean, you know, dudes can be pervy, you know, um, and I'm not making
00:40:37.000 excuses.
00:40:37.600 I'm just, I'm just, uh, I guess I'm just, you know, I'm just like, some of it feels, well,
00:40:50.960 here's what I think is going to happen.
00:40:52.080 I think in three years, Louis is going to have one of the biggest comedy tours ever.
00:40:56.000 I was at the comedy store last night and Neil Brennan is on stage and he asked the crowd,
00:41:02.260 you know, if Louis was performing in the next room right now, would you guys pay to go see
00:41:05.440 him?
00:41:05.740 And 95% of the crowd clapped, like cheered.
00:41:09.660 I mean, I think one unique thing about Louis being involved in this scenario is that he's
00:41:15.280 such a, he's so good at figuring out his own thoughts and making them into relatable,
00:41:22.760 uh, conversation, um, or even conversation.
00:41:29.020 Maybe the conversation is always relatable, but the humor and the conversation that he uses
00:41:33.660 is revealing.
00:41:35.740 And I think that it's going to be, I think that at least by him being involved in this,
00:41:42.000 you'll be able to get, I mean, he's going to come back with one of the best hours of
00:41:45.660 comedy ever.
00:41:47.120 And of course the industry has to distance themselves from him, the, you know, Hollywood industry
00:41:51.680 and stuff like that, because, you know, they're all tied to advertisers and that sort of deal.
00:41:56.540 But, you know, it's just gotten, I think it's gotten to the point, some stuff where some
00:42:02.280 of this is just like, when does, you know, how, I don't know, uh, you know, I guess I
00:42:09.620 don't know what some of my thoughts are, man, but it just seems, it's just, I mean, it's
00:42:13.980 definitely scary.
00:42:14.920 It's scary in LA right now.
00:42:16.320 Cause there's, I mean, accusations of just fly up on Facebook every other day and you have 0.99
00:42:21.080 no, if you didn't do anything as a man and you get accused, that can be your ass. 1.00
00:42:25.720 That can be your ass. 1.00
00:42:27.580 It doesn't even matter. 1.00
00:42:30.160 You know, there's a, there's a governor in Alabama or some man that's running and there's
00:42:33.980 accusations against him of pedophilia and obviously not good, not cool.
00:42:41.140 But, um, but with this, this day and age, who knows if somebody didn't just make someone
00:42:47.300 say something or have, you know, find some person to say something to ruin a presidential
00:42:52.980 election.
00:42:53.540 It's like, you just don't know.
00:42:56.120 I mean, we can't, we can't just go on accusations and I'm, I'm not specifying on the, you know,
00:43:04.460 the guy from Alabama or whatever, Roy Moore, but we just can't go on accusations.
00:43:10.260 If we do, it's just like, we're turning in, it's just going to turn into a witch hunt.
00:43:14.480 And I guess it's scary for me cause I'm a man, you know, and we seem to be what's most popularly
00:43:20.100 being hunted right now.
00:43:21.780 And I don't think that's everywhere, but I do think that it's, um, it's certainly like
00:43:26.180 in a lot of liberal circles, you know?
00:43:28.860 Um, and it's scary and it's certainly by like a lot, it's just, it's scary, bro.
00:43:34.140 It's scary.
00:43:34.800 Let me take this call right here.
00:43:36.280 Here we go.
00:43:38.620 Dio, what's going on, Pimpin?
00:43:40.640 It's your boy, Aaron.
00:43:42.000 I'm, uh, from the greater Toronto area out there in Ontario, Canada.
00:43:47.140 Um, I just wanted to get your thoughts on a little situation.
00:43:51.080 Uh, so basically I, I just, a girl from my past reached out to me.
00:43:56.480 I've, I used to talk to her in high school, so she always had, she always had a boyfriend.
00:44:00.280 So I never had a shot.
00:44:01.800 Okay.
00:44:02.280 So a girl from high school, she always had a boyfriend.
00:44:03.820 You never had a shot onward.
00:44:05.800 Um, and she recently just reconnected with me.
00:44:08.660 She, she reached out, uh, she messaged me on some social media outlet and, uh, we've been
00:44:15.620 talking and hanging out and things are getting kind of close.
00:44:18.120 And she tells me she saw, she has a boyfriend.
00:44:21.140 She's been seeing him for five years, but that there are relationships on the rocks.
00:44:26.920 Um, so I don't know what to do here.
00:44:29.540 I don't know how to handle this situation because I really care about this.
00:44:33.500 Okay.
00:44:34.320 So, I mean, just even listen to your own call right there, man, you're saying that there's
00:44:37.760 this girl, she's always had a boyfriend, so she wasn't available.
00:44:40.380 And then, you know, and I appreciate your call, man.
00:44:43.940 And then you go on to say, and now she still has a boyfriend and it seems like she's still
00:44:48.980 not available.
00:44:51.240 Here's what I would do.
00:44:52.520 I would put your hat in the ring.
00:44:54.440 Um, I would say, look, this is what I would like.
00:44:58.540 And if she can do that, then do that and move on, you know, and move forward with her,
00:45:05.040 you know, you know, I'd say, look, I'd like to date you, you know, but I think getting involved
00:45:10.740 in this, but you know, if she's got both boyfriends, she got, it just, it's not going to be good.
00:45:14.980 It's not going to end well for anybody, you know, and that could ruin your chance of being
00:45:18.460 with her, but you're saying she had a boyfriend, she wasn't available and now she still has 0.93
00:45:22.980 a boyfriend.
00:45:24.240 So she's still really not available, you know, and if you start off in that environment, you
00:45:30.520 know, you could, and then one day she leaves you for some other dude, you couldn't be that 0.98
00:45:34.860 shocked, you know, if that's how it started, uh, this way.
00:45:38.260 But I put your, put your thoughts in and say, Hey, look, this is how I feel, you know, this
00:45:42.340 is what I want.
00:45:42.960 If you're really into her, if you're just trying to get a little bit of a zoom zoom, then, you
00:45:46.260 know, you know, take her to some coffee and keep feeling that out, see where you guys
00:45:50.460 are.
00:45:51.220 But if you really want to ride the open road and get that long-term room going with her, 0.60
00:45:55.880 then maybe you, uh, you just let her know how you feel and then take a step back, let
00:45:59.880 her figure it out, you know, but look, I, you know, it depends on how much of your time
00:46:04.480 you want to waste.
00:46:05.680 That's what I think for me, that's what it would, but I appreciate your call, man.
00:46:08.800 Let's take in another call right here.
00:46:10.140 And this was a little bit more about what's going on with kind of men and some of their thoughts
00:46:13.240 and stuff these days onward.
00:46:14.440 Howdy, Theo.
00:46:16.280 This is, uh, your buddy Dylan Green from up in the Pacific Northwest, Bellingham, Washington.
00:46:21.160 Dirty Dylan Green from Bellingham.
00:46:23.540 Onward, Dylan.
00:46:24.500 A couple of times.
00:46:25.980 Love your podcast.
00:46:27.360 Um, love listening to what you've got to say.
00:46:29.640 Uh, you've been, uh, promoting this, uh, thing that you're doing that has to do with,
00:46:33.860 uh, things concerning men and masculinity and how, uh, your listeners may feel as men, um,
00:46:43.120 and how we're treated and communicated with in America and, you know.
00:46:47.740 Well, yeah, I mean, we're in a tough time and we were certainly in a tough time, dude,
00:46:51.880 especially, I mean, like in Los Angeles, it is hell.
00:46:55.140 It's hell, man. 0.98
00:46:55.940 I mean, I'm afraid to even jerk off with my cat in the room, you know, and I don't even have a cat. 0.97
00:47:01.560 You know, I do not even have a cat. 0.52
00:47:04.400 Um, but if I did, I'd be afraid.
00:47:06.760 You know, it's just a scary time out here.
00:47:08.820 Now, I think in a lot of America, it's not like that.
00:47:11.300 A lot of America, people are still, like, actually living and things are making sense.
00:47:16.400 You know, I mean, you know, people are hunting Louis C.K. from 2005.
00:47:20.060 He wasn't even a celebrity then.
00:47:22.440 I mean, he was, you know, he was a good comedian, but he wasn't, he wasn't the Louis C.K. that we have today.
00:47:29.580 You know?
00:47:30.740 So, I mean, people are witch hunting.
00:47:33.160 For sure.
00:47:33.980 You know, some busted comedians, you know, but I'm not saying what made him right, but it's like people are looking through things to witch hunt, you know?
00:47:43.960 And maybe the guy's a twisted dude. 0.98
00:47:45.620 Maybe he's sick. 1.00
00:47:46.440 Maybe, I mean, I think if you were asking people to jerk off and you're, you know, I mean, that's fucking just bizarre. 1.00
00:47:53.740 I don't know, man. 1.00
00:47:54.980 I mean, when I was young, my uncle would show everybody his dick sometimes, dude. 0.99
00:48:00.320 We thought he was our uncle. 1.00
00:48:01.520 We didn't think he was a fuck. 1.00
00:48:02.440 We thought he was a little bit pervy. 1.00
00:48:04.400 Well, we didn't think he was a sick human. 0.67
00:48:06.200 We thought he was our uncle, you know? 1.00
00:48:09.180 But these people act like they've never seen a fucking dick in the universe, you know? 1.00
00:48:13.280 Like, you know, like Louis broke out a sack of kryptonite, you know? 1.00
00:48:18.420 I mean, leave the fucking room as well, you know? 0.98
00:48:22.420 I mean, I just don't like to the point where sometimes people are, you know, so, it just, like, you're so affected because what? 0.99
00:48:29.400 Like, have you ever been around in the world where there's dicks around? 0.98
00:48:32.560 Leave. 0.99
00:48:33.960 You know, it just, some of it's just bizarre to me.
00:48:37.880 But let's hear more of what you have to say, man.
00:48:39.740 And I'm in a little bit of a rough mood.
00:48:41.000 It's midnight tonight, guys, and I know I should have gotten this done earlier, but I had to be on the road.
00:48:44.840 But I am happy to be here with you guys.
00:48:48.220 I'm just a little bit tired.
00:48:49.460 Let's hear more.
00:48:50.000 So, up here in the Pacific Northwest, man, we've got a lot of, you know, pretty heavy liberal politics, which, you know, a lot of that I can get down with.
00:48:59.180 But, man, I've been around a lot of these women, and I used to work in an office of nine women. 1.00
00:49:04.260 I was the only male.
00:49:05.080 And just hearing this, these things from them of saying that the world just hates women, and the world is always out to get down women.
00:49:15.680 And when they say the world, it's kind of like their way of saying, well, like, men are just out to get us.
00:49:21.520 And the world is setting these precedents for beauty and how we're supposed to look.
00:49:27.660 And meanwhile, I'm sitting back and thinking to myself, me and my buddies, we love women.
00:49:33.540 Yeah, look, I appreciate it.
00:49:35.200 And the world is setting, yeah, and they're like, the world is setting this precedent for how women are supposed to look. 0.94
00:49:39.420 Men aren't setting that precedent. 0.88
00:49:43.020 Whoever owns the media is who's setting the precedent.
00:49:46.560 These magazines, you know, they're not hiring.
00:49:50.240 Look, I'll tell you this, dude.
00:49:52.360 Attractive people are still getting most of the work in Los Angeles, you know. 0.98
00:49:56.700 Like, you know, they'll be like, oh, well, you know, Hollywood and the, you know, magazine industry, stuff like that.
00:50:01.360 You know, like, media, they can be like, well, you know, everybody should look however they want and be, everyone's beautiful and this and that.
00:50:09.020 But then they're only taking mostly the prettiest, you know.
00:50:14.300 They ain't picking up the ugliest people and giving them work.
00:50:18.620 98% of the time, that's not what they're doing.
00:50:22.480 You know, so, I mean, I agree.
00:50:25.180 It's bizarre.
00:50:25.660 It's like, you know, the people that are making that message are the same people that are then coming back and saying, who's making this message?
00:50:34.440 You know, it's the same people. 1.00
00:50:36.600 Most normal people who aren't involved in that bullshit circle don't give a fuck. 0.99
00:50:42.660 You know, if you have a wife or a sister, you want them to feel good about the way that they look no matter how they look. 0.99
00:50:48.420 You know, most of us in the world are eights or sevens.
00:50:54.100 You know, that's how we look. 0.98
00:50:56.500 You know, and we're okay and we fucking deal with it.
00:50:59.700 You know, it's easy for some beautiful person to be like, people should, everyone's beautiful.
00:51:04.800 No, everyone's not.
00:51:06.000 Most of us are eights and sevens. 0.99
00:51:07.580 You're fucking beautiful. 0.99
00:51:08.520 You know, won't you come down here to eight or sevenville, you know, and then see. 1.00
00:51:14.000 See what's cracker jacking onward.
00:51:16.440 Each and every one of us.
00:51:17.480 We respect them.
00:51:19.000 We enjoy their company.
00:51:20.460 We're all seeking, for myself and my buddies who are single guys, we're seeking quality, authentic relationships with women.
00:51:30.200 And none of us are telling these chicks what to wear or what to dress or how to dress, you know. 0.99
00:51:35.760 It's an interesting concept.
00:51:37.460 And I sometimes wonder if some of these standards are really actually not created by men at all, but created by the expectations that women put on themselves and the way that they communicate with each other.
00:51:48.820 You know, it's interesting, man.
00:51:49.960 It's a really good point.
00:51:50.860 And it's really well said, too.
00:51:52.620 I mean, I wish sometimes that I was able to as clearly articulate some of my thoughts and feelings as you just did there.
00:51:57.760 Yeah, a lot of times it's, you know, it's not men that are making these demands or demanding anything. 0.71
00:52:09.160 I mean, if anything, we just want to be able to fucking be alive these days. 0.99
00:52:13.140 You know, there's certainly this witch hunt, you know, in the mainstream media where men are bad, you know, and especially white men, you know, even though most of us didn't do shit. 0.99
00:52:24.180 You know, it's a tough time, man. 0.99
00:52:27.860 It's a tough time to be a man.
00:52:29.760 And it's a tough time to speak up about being a man, you know.
00:52:34.640 In a world where you're supposed to be able to say, oh, you know, be free, speak your mind, say your truth. 1.00
00:52:40.800 Bullshit. 1.00
00:52:42.120 You know, bullshit. 1.00
00:52:43.320 Some dude tweeted earlier today. 1.00
00:52:45.060 I cannot even believe this, right?
00:52:46.900 My buddy sent me this on a text chain, right?
00:52:48.780 This was a tweet by a guy, okay?
00:52:51.600 I'm not even sure who tweeted it, but this was the tweet.
00:52:55.440 Things I love to do to women. 1.00
00:52:57.260 Listen to them.
00:52:58.500 Believe them.
00:52:59.720 Support them.
00:53:00.960 Hire them.
00:53:01.900 Be their friend if they want.
00:53:03.600 Share their perspective.
00:53:05.160 Tweet nice things about them.
00:53:06.980 Amplify their voices.
00:53:08.660 Thank them.
00:53:09.740 Love them.
00:53:11.000 In parentheses, how they want to be loved.
00:53:14.160 Yeah, bro.
00:53:16.020 You know?
00:53:18.540 Yeah, that's true. 0.99
00:53:19.720 Those are all things that we want to do for women, but that just sounds like such fucking pandering. 0.87
00:53:25.360 Like, that's what you're doing every day? 0.99
00:53:27.980 Well, you know, what the fuck, dude? 0.99
00:53:32.320 You know, are you doing anything for yourself? 1.00
00:53:35.860 You sound like a butler.
00:53:38.480 You know?
00:53:39.400 That's the thing these days.
00:53:40.500 It's tough.
00:53:41.020 It's weird.
00:53:41.620 It's interesting, though.
00:53:42.500 But it's also interesting.
00:53:44.460 You know?
00:53:44.880 It's interesting.
00:53:46.160 Because, I mean, women have been, you know, they have been looked down upon and thought of as a lesser sex for a long time. 0.97
00:53:52.920 And I think that there needs to be some adjustment there.
00:53:58.280 And I think this could be that correction period.
00:54:01.440 You know?
00:54:01.720 And I hope that it is.
00:54:03.320 But I don't hope that comedy gets ruined because of this.
00:54:08.080 And my hopes are that we can still joke, you know, and know what is a joke and know what isn't.
00:54:14.180 That's one thing that I hope.
00:54:15.720 But I appreciate that call, man.
00:54:17.000 You know, that's a lot of thoughts.
00:54:18.460 And if some of you guys have thoughts on that as well, hit me up.
00:54:21.620 I'd love to hear a little bit more on that.
00:54:24.420 You know?
00:54:24.880 Or do you feel scared to be a man right now?
00:54:26.900 Do you feel like a lot of these issues that are created out there and a lot of these, you know, views of women are created more by women than they are actually by men?
00:54:39.700 You know, it's like women are just fighting these, you know, are playing both sides of the net. 1.00
00:54:45.900 Do you?
00:54:47.340 What do you think?
00:54:48.780 You know?
00:54:49.400 Or have men just been, you know, you know?
00:54:53.120 Because it's tough.
00:54:53.820 The tough thing is if you're not a bad dude.
00:54:55.620 If you're not a bad dude, then this doesn't apply to you.
00:54:59.680 But the problem is some of these things are so blanket that make it feel like it applies to everyone.
00:55:04.780 And I know I'm all over the place tonight, man. 0.89
00:55:06.800 I don't even think I'm being fucking funny, dude. 0.68
00:55:08.420 Sorry. 0.84
00:55:08.740 We're going to take one more call here and then we're going to shut it down.
00:55:10.740 Hey, T.O.
00:55:11.560 My name's Chris.
00:55:12.500 I'm from North Carolina.
00:55:14.120 I really relate to your comedy.
00:55:17.300 I'd like to think of myself as a bit of a southern gentleman.
00:55:20.380 Not quite as with an exquisite accent as yours.
00:55:23.440 But I do love listening to you speak.
00:55:27.240 Well, you got a nice accent there, too, brother.
00:55:29.020 You got a, you know, you got a real handsome tongue in your head.
00:55:35.600 Onward.
00:55:35.860 I have some problems with, I like to think, drugs and whatnot.
00:55:41.660 I use marijuana as an agent to combat these things.
00:55:45.760 And I was just kind of wondering how you feel.
00:55:48.620 Like, in North Carolina, it's illegal to use marijuana.
00:55:50.920 But in California, it's medicine.
00:55:53.120 How do you feel about that being something to help you get off alcohol and other things that aren't good for you?
00:56:00.400 Well, for me, I don't use marijuana.
00:56:02.260 I don't use anything, you know. 0.98
00:56:04.240 Does it suck? 0.96
00:56:05.140 Yeah. 1.00
00:56:05.540 I want to crack my brain open sometimes, dude, and eat the rib meat off of my fucking thought spheres. 1.00
00:56:10.720 For sure, you know. 1.00
00:56:12.980 I want to bust open my damn fucking brain stem, you know, and lick that rib meat off them thought sickles that are hanging out from the inside of my cranium. 1.00
00:56:21.640 But I don't, you know, when I have a, you know, so when I'm stressed or whatever, I just have to deal with it. 1.00
00:56:27.880 I got to deal with my own thoughts.
00:56:29.280 I have to deal with my own feelings, you know.
00:56:32.040 And for me, that's what I need.
00:56:33.820 Because the easiest thing for me to do is to hide from my issues.
00:56:39.120 Man, my brain, whatever is inside of me, the problem that is inside of me, whatever it is, it is lazy.
00:56:47.660 And it is manipulative.
00:56:49.680 It will manipulate me. 0.98
00:56:50.900 And if I have a problem, instead of dealing with it or thinking through it or feeling through it, my brain will be like, oh, yeah, whatever, have a beer, you know, have a, go do this, go do that, go to bed, take a nap, jerk off, look at porn, watch sport, do something, you know. 0.93
00:57:07.400 Don't solve whatever this little thing is. 0.92
00:57:09.880 Don't try and figure it out.
00:57:11.460 Don't try to get help for yourself, you know.
00:57:14.320 So for me, I don't use marijuana, you know.
00:57:16.280 I'm not saying I never will.
00:57:17.620 I'm not saying I'll always be this way, but for now, you know, I'm trying to live life on life's terms, man.
00:57:25.140 I'm trying to look life straight in the eye when I have an issue.
00:57:28.380 Now, you can't use it in North Carolina legally.
00:57:31.020 People can in California legally.
00:57:33.000 And I think it'll be legal everywhere in a couple of years, you know.
00:57:36.220 So if you want it, you're going to have it.
00:57:37.600 But I think that this is a time when a lot of men, when it's, this is a critical time, I believe, that when it comes to, you know, instead of grabbing a beer or grabbing a joint or a whip or coat, you know, hitting one of them sheep tails, you know. 0.99
00:57:58.400 But putting that fluff or nutter up your fucking face hole, I think it's time to sit and think, sit and feel, sit there. 0.99
00:58:08.400 Why am I a pit? 1.00
00:58:09.580 What's going on?
00:58:10.700 What's got me, you know, and figure it out.
00:58:13.520 Get to the other side of it, you know, so that that way, you know, if you are having a drink, having a joint, it's not reactionary.
00:58:19.760 And it's something you just want to do because you want to do it.
00:58:22.280 Because that was my problem.
00:58:23.340 I'd get reactionary.
00:58:24.540 So I'm not a big proponent of that.
00:58:26.080 I don't think there's anything wrong with it. 1.00
00:58:27.400 If you're high as fuck right now, I don't give a fuck. 0.99
00:58:29.840 I was over at Coco Diaz's podcast the other day. 1.00
00:58:32.460 He's smoking weed in there.
00:58:33.360 I don't care.
00:58:33.720 I love that man to the end of the earth.
00:58:35.860 You know, I don't care what anybody else does.
00:58:37.440 But I'm just saying, for me, that's what I do for now.
00:58:41.520 But it's up to you, man.
00:58:43.340 You know, it's up to you.
00:58:45.260 You know, but for me, I'll find too many excuses if I use, if I use other stuff right now, I'll find too many excuses.
00:58:51.400 And right now, I need to make less excuses for myself, and I need to at least work towards having a little bit more knowledge about what's going on inside of my thoughts and feelings and why I behave the way that I do.
00:59:03.020 So that I can be on top of my behaviors and be a step ahead of them at times.
00:59:07.860 Because a lot of times, my behaviors are reactionary.
00:59:11.580 And they're not.
00:59:14.740 My first behavior is sometimes the first choice that whatever's wrong inside of me wants to make isn't always the best choice for me.
00:59:22.260 So I need to be aware and be there.
00:59:24.980 I'm going to take one more call here from this guy.
00:59:26.320 He called in a couple weeks ago, and I really related to this call.
00:59:30.420 And then we're going to get out of here.
00:59:31.860 I just want to get his thoughts out here.
00:59:33.940 Here we go.
00:59:35.600 Hey, Theo.
00:59:36.320 This is Chris.
00:59:37.700 I emailed you earlier, said that I'm dealing with some stuff.
00:59:41.240 So I'm going to do my best to explain what's going on.
00:59:45.820 So basically, I'm kind of like you, you know, like real similar upbringing.
00:59:51.600 Didn't really have like a dad around.
00:59:54.000 Kind of had like a mean mom. 1.00
00:59:55.540 Thanks for calling, Chris.
00:59:56.960 Thanks for sharing.
00:59:57.860 Let's hear more.
00:59:59.920 So about like my feelings or whatever, how to talk to girls, basically how to express my feelings towards girls.
01:00:07.840 So, oh, man, that was the bane of my existence.
01:00:11.760 I didn't realize it until recently that that was what caused a lot of my issues.
01:00:16.180 What is that?
01:00:16.500 I couldn't.
01:00:17.240 I just couldn't.
01:00:18.020 I couldn't.
01:00:18.560 I was afraid to talk to women.
01:00:20.240 And that fear just resonated inside of me.
01:00:22.680 Let's hear more.
01:00:23.200 I always kind of had like a, I said that I was too nice.
01:00:27.460 She was running around with my friends after that.
01:00:30.560 Okay.
01:00:30.980 She had a girlfriend. 0.80
01:00:31.620 She was too nice.
01:00:32.360 But then you were too nice.
01:00:34.360 And she started running around with your friends.
01:00:35.860 Let's hear more.
01:00:36.400 And that kind of like made me want to change myself.
01:00:41.600 So I started to try to be a little bit more edgy.
01:00:44.060 Started drinking.
01:00:45.260 Started smoking.
01:00:46.660 Started partying.
01:00:47.920 And that worked.
01:00:48.740 You know, I got a little bit more popular.
01:00:50.780 But it didn't really help like with girls.
01:00:54.820 I mean, you know, most of the time I would end up like sleeping in the bushes or something like that instead of, you know, getting a girl.
01:01:02.560 Yeah, so you weren't getting the girls, so you started being a certain way.
01:01:06.180 Oh, I need to drink more.
01:01:07.380 I need to, you know, use drugs or do something to get the girls. 1.00
01:01:11.680 Yep, that's most dudes.
01:01:12.960 So that's okay.
01:01:14.160 But yeah, I was exactly that way, man.
01:01:16.900 I didn't know who I was.
01:01:18.480 So I just knew that whatever I was wasn't okay because women didn't like me. 1.00
01:01:23.900 And the main reason that I felt that way was because probably in hindsight I felt like somewhere inside of me I felt like my mother didn't really like me probably.
01:01:34.440 And I know that's a big jump for some people listening to this, but that's, you know, as I learned more about myself, I realized that I never, you know, that if I thought my mother didn't like me, you know, and I didn't feel that relationship with her, then I didn't really know how to relate to women.
01:01:47.880 Because that's your first relationship for a young man.
01:01:50.720 And if my relationship with her was kind of damaged, then, you know, my relationship with all women was probably going to be at least, you know, off to a rocky start because I didn't know even how to begin one. 0.99
01:02:02.260 So once women weren't recognizing me well or it wasn't working, then, yeah, of course you adjusted yourself.
01:02:09.520 You partied.
01:02:10.140 Now you're smoking.
01:02:10.920 You're laying in the bushes.
01:02:11.880 You live in life.
01:02:13.180 Let's hear more.
01:02:14.820 To come home with me.
01:02:17.880 And that just kept escalating.
01:02:20.080 And my mother wasn't having it, you know.
01:02:22.220 She ended up kicking me out the house. 0.94
01:02:26.180 After that, I ended up living in a shed for about six months.
01:02:32.860 And that's when things really got dark.
01:02:35.980 And this is kind of a, you know, a tough call to hear, I'm sure, on a Monday or whatever.
01:02:39.280 Some of you guys are still, you know, if you guys are listening to the episode.
01:02:42.360 But, you know, this is life, man.
01:02:44.900 And this is what's going on.
01:02:45.980 And Chris called about 10 days ago.
01:02:49.220 And this call really meant a lot to me because it, you know, I've really, I could relate to this a lot, Chris.
01:02:53.940 I could relate to a lot of the things you're sharing because I felt a lot of these same ways.
01:02:58.580 You know, I didn't.
01:03:00.960 All I wanted to do was feel the affections of a woman somehow. 0.92
01:03:05.820 And not even sexual.
01:03:06.880 I just wanted a woman to think that I was okay. 1.00
01:03:09.320 Because for some reason when I was a kid, something, I don't know what happened.
01:03:12.020 I don't know, it was before I was even able to know what was going on, I felt like my mother, our connection was not good.
01:03:21.020 And I felt somewhere like I was not okay.
01:03:23.880 She didn't think I was okay.
01:03:25.680 Something was not okay.
01:03:27.140 She did not accept me.
01:03:28.400 I felt unaccepted by her.
01:03:30.260 So immediately then, every other woman I immediately meet, I already feel unaccepted by them.
01:03:34.840 So then I changed myself.
01:03:36.620 I started being different ways.
01:03:38.220 Acting outlandish.
01:03:39.220 Acting this way.
01:03:40.040 Being loud. 0.72
01:03:40.740 Being goofy.
01:03:41.360 Whatever. 0.91
01:03:41.820 Something.
01:03:42.900 Something to alter that interaction.
01:03:47.040 Something to try any code I could to crack this comfortability with women and make it feel more comfortable. 1.00
01:03:57.480 And then, yeah.
01:03:58.220 And my mom and I's relationship, of course, was never really getting strong.
01:04:01.620 I got emancipated.
01:04:03.700 I went out and was living with friends.
01:04:05.160 Thankfully, I didn't have to live in a shed.
01:04:08.640 You know, I was pretty blessed that I had some good friends and different families that took me in.
01:04:13.000 But let's hear more about your story.
01:04:14.180 I'm just saying it's right alongside.
01:04:15.600 Let's go.
01:04:17.100 You know, I had always kind of been like a little bit depressed because, you know, I didn't really have like a person in my life.
01:04:25.360 Like I was alone, basically.
01:04:26.860 So, when I was in that shed, things got real dark.
01:04:31.280 You know, I would just stay up all night doing drugs and watch porn probably four times a day.
01:04:40.680 Maybe more than that. 0.80
01:04:41.600 Jeepers, dude. 0.97
01:04:44.740 If I have to watch porn twice in a day, I feel horrible. 0.94
01:04:47.380 I don't even do it.
01:04:48.680 But I'm, you know, I'm a one-trick pony anyway when it comes to sensuality.
01:04:52.860 Whether I'm doing self-pleasure or actual sex. 0.64
01:04:55.480 If I'm doing sex. 0.93
01:04:56.540 Let's hear more. 0.63
01:04:58.060 And that went on for like six months.
01:05:01.480 And this was a year ago.
01:05:04.240 But yeah, man.
01:05:04.880 So, I got like some dysfunction going on with me.
01:05:09.440 And the crazy thing is, is that like in order to heal myself and to get better, the dude is to get out there and meet somebody and get into a relationship and start getting out there.
01:05:21.240 But it's hard because, like I said, I don't have that drive.
01:05:25.900 I don't have the libido.
01:05:27.600 I don't wake up in the morning and just have that fire inside of me.
01:05:31.920 Cool, man.
01:05:32.560 Well, look, Chris, I appreciate you calling, man.
01:05:34.720 I really do.
01:05:35.640 Like a million percent.
01:05:36.740 I appreciate you calling.
01:05:38.080 Like a million percent, dude.
01:05:40.360 And, you know, you're not alone.
01:05:42.100 A lot of guys have a lot of similar feelings and a lot of similar issues, man.
01:05:45.660 Let's hear the end of your call because I just feel bad about cutting you off. 0.87
01:05:48.760 And plus, I'm like really, you know, I have low self-confidence just from, you know, I still kind of see myself as like that homeless dude jerking off in the shed.
01:06:01.500 Yes, you have a low, your view of yourself probably isn't always good, it sounds like.
01:06:06.420 Man, I'm sorry, dude.
01:06:08.000 You know, I appreciate you telling, you know, sharing this.
01:06:10.940 I really do.
01:06:11.580 So, you know, and I hope that by hearing this back and listening to some of this, you're able to kind of get a little bit, you know, maybe it might be just a little more perspective on yourself.
01:06:23.620 Here, I got to plug this thing in really quick.
01:06:25.340 Hold on one second.
01:06:30.340 Oh, wait, never mind.
01:06:31.320 The plug-in's right here.
01:06:32.080 Hold on.
01:06:32.340 Sorry, my computer's on like 1%.
01:06:36.300 Okay.
01:06:37.920 Yeah, look, man, I can relate to this 100%.
01:06:40.640 You know, I really can.
01:06:42.180 Self-worth is low.
01:06:44.020 And a lot of that probably, you know, and look, I got to tell you, I'm not, look, dude, I'm not any therapist. 0.99
01:06:47.980 I have no idea the shit I'm talking about. 0.96
01:06:50.900 You know, I don't have any medical background. 0.99
01:06:52.500 I have no idea.
01:06:53.600 The only thing I know is that I can, when you tell me your story right there, Chris, that I have heard your story or parts of it inside of myself, you know, and I've lived through some of your story before.
01:07:07.100 Maybe not exactly, but I have not heard, had anyone call where I could relate as much to someone call.
01:07:16.140 And the thing that helped me, I'll be honest with you, was getting into a program, dude.
01:07:20.480 It really did.
01:07:22.500 It helped me.
01:07:24.260 It really helped me.
01:07:25.480 I don't know if you need a program.
01:07:27.100 You know, if you need a, you know, an AA or an NA or a CA, I have no idea.
01:07:32.220 You know, I don't know if I'll be involved in that program forever.
01:07:35.100 But for now, I know that that program has helped me get a better look at myself to know who I really am, you know.
01:07:43.640 And it's hard, man.
01:07:44.660 I've had to learn slowly to be vulnerable in relationships so that I can even build a connection with a woman. 0.58
01:07:51.620 And this is slow stuff, dude.
01:07:53.360 It's slow.
01:07:54.120 And it takes work.
01:07:55.780 But you can feel better.
01:07:57.800 I promise.
01:07:59.400 You know, and that's all I can tell you, man, is that you can feel better.
01:08:02.320 And relationships that haven't been good or whatever will get better.
01:08:05.700 And that somebody can love you.
01:08:07.840 And you can love somebody else.
01:08:10.440 And, you know, and I can't tell you what, you know, I can't, you know, you can't tell somebody to go get in a program.
01:08:17.860 But you can just, I can tell you that for me, it's changed my life, you know.
01:08:22.620 And sometimes that's hard for me to even admit because sometimes I'm so, like, self-centered or so, you know, afraid to admit that anything other than me has changed my life because I'm so used to doing everything for myself.
01:08:38.680 You know, but when I'm really honest, yeah, man, that program has changed my life.
01:08:44.520 I have a constant base of men and other people that I can go to every day to learn how to live in any moment.
01:08:56.340 If I don't know something to do, there's somebody I can call.
01:08:58.940 There's 40 people I can call and say, hey, what do I do right now?
01:09:01.940 And they're like, this is what you do.
01:09:03.760 And these are people that I trust and know and love.
01:09:06.200 And I know that they love me.
01:09:08.140 And bam, I do that.
01:09:09.240 Because those are the things you don't get when you don't have, like, that relationship with a mother, relationship with a father.
01:09:14.560 You don't get those.
01:09:16.080 You don't have, you don't know.
01:09:17.600 No one ever teaches you anything, you know.
01:09:20.320 And it's hard to teach yourself anything because you just, you're so busy just trying to survive, you know.
01:09:26.580 So sometimes it's hard to learn.
01:09:29.260 But I love you, man.
01:09:30.240 Keep your head up, you know.
01:09:32.580 Keep your head up, dude.
01:09:34.800 You'll get to your paradise city, man.
01:09:36.220 We're all going to get there.
01:09:37.200 Whether it's somebody that wants marijuana out there in North Carolina, you know.
01:09:42.300 Whether it's the guy in the Pacific Northwest that just wants to be able to share his feelings with a woman.
01:09:47.400 But it's afraid even if you, you can't even talk to a woman anymore about getting shut down.
01:09:51.760 But I don't think it's going to be forever, man.
01:09:53.620 Just, we just got to, just hold the line.
01:09:56.760 Hold the line.
01:09:57.900 It's okay.
01:09:58.680 We're going to be okay.
01:10:00.200 The man that's out there paying for gas with change.
01:10:03.360 Dude, you're going to be paying for gas with dollars soon, brother.
01:10:07.200 But hey, dude, it's funny.
01:10:08.360 You called in, man.
01:10:09.400 And you made me, reminded me.
01:10:10.780 And when I used to pay for gas, man, roll in there with a hot sock full of nickels. 0.99
01:10:15.960 Fucking drop them on the counter. 0.99
01:10:18.200 Walk out. 1.00
01:10:19.560 That's their issue then. 1.00
01:10:21.420 You brought the change, but they're going to have to count that shit, you know. 0.99
01:10:25.580 But yeah, it can be funny, man. 1.00
01:10:27.920 Laugh at that shit next time you're paying. 1.00
01:10:30.060 Your paradise city can be wherever. 1.00
01:10:32.260 They got a fella, just think about it, dude.
01:10:33.700 They got a fella out in Brazil, one of us, eating shrooms, dude.
01:10:37.860 A 38-year-old single man dropping a voicemail like this is a dating website, but at the same
01:10:43.820 time letting us know that he's about to blast off.
01:10:46.920 He's about to let his inner Buzz Aldrin hit the stratosphere.
01:10:50.300 And that's beautiful.
01:10:51.800 Tiny Sand Who is still hitting the email box. 1.00
01:10:54.520 I don't even know the motherfucker. 0.98
01:10:56.560 If you have any idea what Tiny Sand Who may look like or just guessing, what is a Tiny 1.00
01:11:00.760 Sand Who?
01:11:01.700 Drop me an email.
01:11:03.560 TheoVaughn at Mac, M-A-C dot com.
01:11:05.680 Hit me with that sketch.
01:11:07.240 That artist rendition of some Tiny Sand Who.
01:11:10.120 And I'll see if I can incorporate some of them into the episode on Thursday.
01:11:14.000 Maybe I'll put the pictures in at the end of the video or something on the YouTube.
01:11:17.760 You can find us here.
01:11:18.580 Subscribe.
01:11:19.200 Please tell your friends.
01:11:20.840 This episode, honestly, wasn't one of my favorites in a lot of ways because my energy is a little
01:11:25.300 bit low.
01:11:26.220 But, but, it meant a lot to me that you guys called in and hit the hotline this week,
01:11:33.440 985-664-9503.
01:11:36.320 And I'm going to keep coming back.
01:11:38.140 You know?
01:11:38.840 I'm going to keep coming back and doing this because you guys keep showing up for me.
01:11:42.200 And I promise you, it means a lot. 0.99
01:11:44.460 We stick together in this shit. 1.00
01:11:46.300 You know? 1.00
01:11:47.200 We stick together.
01:11:48.920 You know? 1.00
01:11:49.880 Fuck it. 1.00
01:11:50.180 The world's going to do what it's going to do. 1.00
01:11:52.500 This shit's all. 1.00
01:11:53.220 You know? 1.00
01:11:53.620 If you stay off the news, a lot of the shit's more chill, dude. 0.99
01:11:57.020 I laugh. 1.00
01:11:57.840 Trump does crazy stuff. 1.00
01:11:58.740 I think Trump's fucking hilarious. 0.99
01:12:00.480 Trump is hilarious, dude. 0.99
01:12:05.780 You know?
01:12:06.740 Politicians never did anything for me anyway growing up. 1.00
01:12:09.300 I've never, I think all these politicians are shit. 1.00
01:12:11.660 They're buying out Bernie. 1.00
01:12:12.800 They fucked Bernie over. 0.99
01:12:14.520 Everybody's all, all of these politicians. 1.00
01:12:16.880 They're just rich, man.
01:12:18.780 They're rich. 1.00
01:12:20.100 They're doing rich shit. 1.00
01:12:21.620 Ain't thing about us. 1.00
01:12:23.840 They're doing rich shit, dude. 0.99
01:12:26.300 That we take care of ourselves. 1.00
01:12:27.380 We take care of our kind.
01:12:28.480 We take care of each other.
01:12:30.200 And I appreciate you being here for me, man, on this past weekend.
01:12:33.100 I'll see you guys.
01:12:33.700 We've got a Thursday edition coming out this week.
01:12:36.520 We've got a producer coming in.
01:12:37.940 A new producer Wednesday night.
01:12:39.280 This boy.
01:12:40.340 So we're going to see how that works.
01:12:41.780 And thank you to everybody that called in and offered producership.
01:12:44.280 I'm still emailing some people out.
01:12:45.920 Going to do some trial runs here and there.
01:12:48.540 See if, you know, maybe we need somebody on a Sunday.
01:12:50.860 Maybe we need somebody on a Wednesday.
01:12:52.680 I still have to get back to a few emails.
01:12:54.060 It's just been kind of a crazy week.
01:12:56.380 You know?
01:12:57.120 I saw some tarantulas. 1.00
01:12:58.400 Fucking though, bruh. 0.99
01:12:59.960 And that's something I always wanted to see. 0.99
01:13:02.020 Hit the hotline with some of the thoughts.
01:13:03.900 If you ever had a black friend get nervous.
01:13:05.860 Hit the hotline if you're a scared man out there. 0.95
01:13:08.300 You know? 1.00
01:13:08.620 Fuck, I'm a white man. 1.00
01:13:09.880 I feel like they're trying to kill me right now. 1.00
01:13:11.900 It's tough, man.
01:13:13.040 But hold on to yourselves.
01:13:14.340 Hold on to your loved ones.
01:13:15.320 Keep them close.
01:13:16.260 I'll talk to you guys soon.
01:13:17.360 Thank you.
01:13:38.620 Ladies and gentlemen, I'm Jonathan Kite and welcome to Kite Club, a podcast where I'll
01:13:57.540 be sharing thoughts on things like current events, stand-up stories, and seven ways to pleasure
01:14:02.540 your partner.
01:14:03.820 The answer may shock you.
01:14:05.540 Sometimes I'll interview my friends.
01:14:07.580 Sometimes I won't.
01:14:09.280 And as always, I'll be joined by the voices in my head.
01:14:11.960 You have three new voice messages.
01:14:14.840 A lot of people are talking about Kite Club.
01:14:18.120 I've been talking about Kite Club for so long.
01:14:20.800 Longer than anybody else.
01:14:22.480 So great.
01:14:23.780 Hi.
01:14:24.420 Swaya.
01:14:25.400 Here's a deal. 1.00
01:14:26.720 Anyone who doesn't listen to Kite Club is a dodgy bloody wanker. 1.00
01:14:30.720 Jermaine. 0.99
01:14:31.300 I'll take a quarter pounder with cheese and a McFlurry.
01:14:35.760 Sorry, sir, but our ice cream machine is broken.
01:14:37.880 Oh, no.
01:14:40.140 I think Tom Hanks just butt-dialed me.
01:14:42.580 Anyway, first rule of Kite Club is, tell everyone about Kite Club.
01:14:46.740 Second rule of Kite Club is, tell everyone about Kite Club.
01:14:50.980 Third rule, like and subscribe wherever you listen to podcasts or watch us on YouTube,
01:14:56.120 yeah?
01:14:56.780 And yes, don't worry.
01:14:57.820 My Brad Pitt impression will get better.