This Past Weekend with Theo Von - December 04, 2017


12-4-17 ｜ This Past Weekend #57


Episode Stats


Length

1 hour and 14 minutes

Words per minute

172.26694

Word count

12,822

Sentence count

1,272

Harmful content

Misogyny

35

sentences flagged

Toxicity

236

sentences flagged

Hate speech

38

sentences flagged


Summary

Summaries generated with gmurro/bart-large-finetuned-filtered-spotify-podcast-summ .

Spencer Jacob Grau talks about growing up in a small town and how he became the town s first big league player. Also, he talks about how he ended up in foster care at the age of 7.

Transcript

Transcript generated with Whisper (turbo).
Misogyny classifications generated with MilaNLProc/bert-base-uncased-ear-misogyny .
Toxicity classifications generated with s-nlp/roberta_toxicity_classifier .
Hate speech classifications generated with facebook/roberta-hate-speech-dynabench-r4-target .
00:00:00.660 Alright, we got that poppin' right there, a little bit of audio, a little bit of touch-touch, let's get that hit up.
00:00:14.980 Hello, December!
00:00:20.520 Where have you been?
00:00:22.600 Celebrate living, celebrate misery. 0.95
00:00:30.000 You know that soon we're gonna die. 0.79
00:00:37.080 Let's have some fun while we all die.
00:00:42.600 Alright, happy December, guys. Happy December.
00:00:46.680 And that is Spencer Jacob Grau.
00:00:50.640 Beautiful, beautiful man.
00:00:53.520 Pretty decent-looking guy, you know.
00:00:55.880 Kind of looked like a...
00:00:57.520 I met him one time. He sent me that song on the internet through the magical web of electricity, you know.
00:01:03.460 Through that straight-up just, you know, that electronic tunnel that the devil built.
00:01:10.260 And he sent me that song one time.
00:01:14.200 And it just, it became that hitter, you know.
00:01:17.280 It became that hitter.
00:01:19.120 You want to catch another hitter, you can grab that gray block pizza.
00:01:22.560 It's on Pico Boulevard in Los Angeles.
00:01:25.500 And they got them stylish pies, man.
00:01:28.500 If you ever feelin' empty, go fill yourself.
00:01:31.420 Gray block pizza.
00:01:33.120 They got that picante pollo.
00:01:34.980 That zingaro, huh?
00:01:36.800 That Grecian. 1.00
00:01:38.060 They got the Grecian, huh?
00:01:40.240 Used to have a Grecian...
00:01:41.120 Grecian came to our town once a year trying to sell oil paintings.
00:01:46.880 You know, olive oil, though. 0.99
00:01:48.880 You know, and homemade oils and shit. 1.00
00:01:51.620 Horrible artwork. 1.00
00:01:53.700 And the thing is about a bad artist, man, sometimes you'll buy that shit just to get that bastard away from you. 1.00
00:01:59.660 So everybody in our... 1.00
00:02:01.100 Not everybody in our town, but a lot of people had these shitty paintings because the dude was such a good salesman.
00:02:07.020 You know? 0.99
00:02:07.600 So everybody got this horrible fuckin' artwork. 0.98
00:02:10.040 But the guy was just such a good, you know. 0.98
00:02:12.180 Oh, you need...
00:02:13.360 Hey, you know, you need the artwork, you know?
00:02:16.820 Don't you want this...
00:02:18.240 You know, this...
00:02:19.460 Peanuts.
00:02:21.140 Worst drawings.
00:02:22.120 Drawings and paintings of peanuts. 1.00
00:02:24.320 Shit smelled like... 0.99
00:02:25.620 I mean, dude, I think he was using condiments sometimes. 1.00
00:02:28.840 To paint with.
00:02:30.280 I don't know who the... 0.99
00:02:31.000 What the fuck that dude's deal was. 0.99
00:02:34.060 But that's life, man. 1.00
00:02:35.220 That's life in a small town.
00:02:37.400 I remember they had another boy lived by me named Bubby Jenkins.
00:02:41.280 And his daddy...
00:02:42.760 And he had...
00:02:43.740 He was adopted, you know?
00:02:45.240 He was picked up out of the ether at a governmental center.
00:02:49.220 You know?
00:02:49.780 And that's adoption.
00:02:51.620 And...
00:02:52.220 I mean, it's a game show.
00:02:54.040 When you're in foster care, your life is a straight-up game show.
00:02:57.220 Every time a parent comes in the room, it's just like...
00:02:59.560 Because that's your chance.
00:03:03.520 That's your chance to be that hitter.
00:03:06.060 You know?
00:03:07.380 And...
00:03:07.780 And he got picked.
00:03:09.140 He got scooped up.
00:03:10.580 You know?
00:03:10.900 He's probably about a...
00:03:11.940 I don't remember how old he was when he got key...
00:03:13.600 You know?
00:03:13.820 He got...
00:03:14.380 You know, picked up.
00:03:16.540 But he got picked up by some parents.
00:03:18.900 And that's...
00:03:20.560 You know?
00:03:20.920 And it was like...
00:03:21.360 I think he was like 11.
00:03:22.240 So, at that point, you're like a...
00:03:23.620 I mean, you're a 6th or 7th round draft pick.
00:03:26.320 You know?
00:03:26.800 You're getting late.
00:03:28.520 You know?
00:03:28.980 You're a late...
00:03:29.540 You are a late round pick.
00:03:32.740 And...
00:03:33.340 And he got picked up.
00:03:35.380 Anyway...
00:03:36.340 He...
00:03:37.020 What was this story about, dude?
00:03:40.600 I was talking about...
00:03:41.520 They had an artwork.
00:03:43.600 Jenkins.
00:03:44.360 Oh, his daddy used to drive me to school.
00:03:47.580 And his dad was Italian.
00:03:49.460 I think he was Italian.
00:03:50.620 I don't know.
00:03:51.060 He was kind of sunburnt and had dark hair.
00:03:54.500 And...
00:03:55.060 At that young age of my life, I thought that that was Italian.
00:03:58.940 You know?
00:04:00.320 And he was sunburnt and had dark hair.
00:04:02.160 And he used to smoke cigarettes inside of his car.
00:04:04.820 And he would...
00:04:05.760 His wife wouldn't let him smoke inside.
00:04:08.560 And...
00:04:09.000 So, he would go smoke outside in the car.
00:04:11.400 He would sit in there and just hotbox his car with them...
00:04:13.660 With them Winstons. 0.54
00:04:15.040 Out there blowing Winstons and huffing down. 0.77
00:04:17.240 You know?
00:04:17.920 I mean, this dude was probably 900% Muppet.
00:04:21.340 Dressed like Johnny Cash.
00:04:22.680 And he'd sit out there.
00:04:24.780 And...
00:04:25.220 And smoke them cigarettes.
00:04:27.060 Them cigarillos.
00:04:28.640 And he used to...
00:04:29.340 When I would miss the school bus, he would give me a ride to school.
00:04:32.440 And he would...
00:04:33.020 And he would...
00:04:34.260 Quiz me on my spelling words.
00:04:36.080 And the whole time, he'd blow that cigarette and smoke in my face.
00:04:39.720 Catch me with that hit of smoke.
00:04:41.860 You know?
00:04:42.160 Hit...
00:04:42.400 Just light me up with that backy.
00:04:44.280 That tabacky, backy cloud.
00:04:46.020 You know?
00:04:47.100 He'd be like, alright, spell inconvenience.
00:04:49.220 And I'd be like, I...
00:04:50.700 N...
00:04:52.440 C...
00:04:53.140 And then he'd hit me with that...
00:04:54.480 That backy, backy cloud.
00:04:57.300 You know?
00:04:57.980 And then I'd be like...
00:04:59.100 Man, it's hard to smell.
00:05:04.220 I mean, it's hard to spell.
00:05:05.380 It's hard to do either one in a cloud of smoke.
00:05:09.840 And that is a God's honest truth, man.
00:05:11.500 That's the gospel according to your boy right here.
00:05:14.160 But it's hard to spell when an adult man is blowing that backy.
00:05:20.220 That backy smoke into your face.
00:05:22.420 And that was just another unique man that lived in my town growing up.
00:05:27.260 But good to see you guys today.
00:05:28.900 It is Monday, December 4th in the year 2017.
00:05:34.800 And look, they had a beautiful moon.
00:05:36.380 I don't know if you guys got to get a peek at it.
00:05:39.100 And it might still be out there even tonight or whenever you're listening to this.
00:05:42.420 But they got that beautiful moon.
00:05:45.360 And that moon, man, that thing is just like a dam.
00:05:48.860 Like one of God's nuts just fell out of his ball bag and landed in the sky.
00:05:53.780 I mean, that is that beautiful... 0.99
00:05:56.300 I mean, it's like somebody just washed the chocolate off of a damn almond joy. 0.97
00:06:01.520 And all that's there is that big coconut with that nut in it. 0.99
00:06:04.960 You know?
00:06:05.320 And that's what the moon is a lot of times.
00:06:06.820 But it's just that big sweet ball of sucrose floating up there.
00:06:11.560 You know? 0.99
00:06:12.180 And that's just a damn... 0.99
00:06:13.940 I mean, that's just one of Mother Nature's fucking... 0.99
00:06:17.520 You know? 0.99
00:06:18.080 That's just one of Mother Nature's marbles.
00:06:21.180 And that thing's beautiful.
00:06:22.500 But if you didn't get to see it, go check that moon.
00:06:24.460 Because sometimes we forget to look at the sky.
00:06:27.160 I don't know if you know what's happened to you recently.
00:06:28.420 But I forget to look up at the sky and remember...
00:06:30.860 I get caught down here in little things.
00:06:32.660 On my phone.
00:06:34.180 You know?
00:06:34.560 Looking at papers.
00:06:35.620 You know?
00:06:38.180 Seeing what my neighbor's cat is doing.
00:06:40.420 You know?
00:06:40.880 Because a lot of times he'll get out.
00:06:42.040 But if I'm...
00:06:43.540 I have a very strange relationship with my neighbor's cat.
00:06:45.680 And some of you guys know that.
00:06:47.320 You know?
00:06:47.580 And he'll get out there.
00:06:48.400 Sometimes he can tell.
00:06:49.980 This is going to sound crazy, dude.
00:06:51.120 But if I am in my house, you know, pleasuring myself, he can tell it.
00:06:59.400 You know?
00:06:59.840 And he will wait by the door sometimes.
00:07:01.820 Or he will, you know, make meow noises and meow sounds.
00:07:07.920 And do meowing.
00:07:08.840 And he can tell when I am spending time by myself.
00:07:13.060 Or trying to be, you know, lightly emotional with myself.
00:07:17.260 But yeah, that is a really wild cat.
00:07:21.300 So, anyhow, it's Monday.
00:07:24.020 And what's going on in our lives today?
00:07:26.160 You know?
00:07:26.360 It's December.
00:07:27.700 So, we're starting to narrow down what's happening in our existences.
00:07:33.420 For this year.
00:07:34.380 This year is going to be in the books.
00:07:36.320 And you can start to feel it in the air.
00:07:38.260 You know?
00:07:38.580 People are a little more friendly.
00:07:41.040 You know? 0.96
00:07:41.240 Look, I got the, I got the damn, I have the Christmas carols going on full blast in my automobile. 0.99
00:07:50.500 Man, I love the Christmas carols. 0.99
00:07:52.360 And they'll be ringing.
00:07:55.100 The ones I don't like?
00:07:56.420 Mariah Carey. 1.00
00:07:58.000 Dude, I wish a fucking missile would hit that, you know, I wish it would just hit her right in her, in that dark cinnamon kunt of hers. 1.00
00:08:11.360 I do not, I just, Mariah Carey's a straight Muppet. 1.00
00:08:14.240 She's what's wrong with this country, man.
00:08:15.660 Mariah Carey.
00:08:16.880 You heard it here.
00:08:19.680 But what else?
00:08:20.420 I was in Canada.
00:08:21.900 I got to play cards with Bill Burr.
00:08:25.780 I'll start there.
00:08:26.820 So, I'll tell you this.
00:08:27.880 They have this podcast network called All Things Comedy.
00:08:31.540 And they've been very gracious over time to allow us, me to have my other podcast called Allegedly on there with my friend Matthew Cole Weiss.
00:08:43.040 And on that same network, there's a new show where comedians sit and play poker together.
00:08:47.900 So, you know, I get an email, come play.
00:08:51.080 And it was a great group.
00:08:52.500 Bert Kreischer.
00:08:55.360 Bert Kreischer.
00:08:57.060 Bill Burr.
00:08:58.320 Steve Ranazzisi, who died in 9-11, but didn't die in 9-11.
00:09:01.660 And John Reap, who's one of the first comedians that I ever featured for down in Louisiana.
00:09:09.120 And John Reap, you know, he's the Hemi guy.
00:09:11.060 He's like, I got a Hemi.
00:09:13.080 He's from Hickory, North Carolina.
00:09:17.120 And it was just great, man.
00:09:18.760 We got to sit in a warehouse, have pizza.
00:09:21.120 People was drinking alcohol.
00:09:23.260 And just play some cards, play some poker together.
00:09:26.680 Joke around.
00:09:27.940 You know, we were just joking about how hard it is to be a man today.
00:09:31.020 But it was interesting to just be around Bill Burr.
00:09:33.080 I'm obviously a huge fan.
00:09:34.500 There's no one, no one more confident on stage than Bill Burr.
00:09:40.480 I can listen to that man forever.
00:09:42.300 And he's always like, you know what you're going to get.
00:09:45.980 He doesn't seem too affected by ego.
00:09:49.380 You know, he doesn't seem, he was super nice.
00:09:52.940 And I've spent time around him before I got a little vibe for being around him.
00:09:56.080 But I never really just sat next to him for two hours.
00:09:58.900 And we're all playing in a poker game.
00:10:01.280 But it was, but just a nice guy.
00:10:04.360 You know, some of these, you know, comedians that are at these, you know, that are superstars, like Hollywood superstars.
00:10:11.300 They get, there's an ego that goes along with it.
00:10:14.100 And I think Bill Burr is a superstar comedian.
00:10:16.720 But I don't think he has that celebrity side as much as others do, if that makes any sense.
00:10:23.720 Because the celebrity side is kind of, that's the ego.
00:10:28.120 The side of the talent, that's the comedian side.
00:10:33.140 And man, he's just one of a kind.
00:10:35.160 But that was great for me, man. 0.97
00:10:36.180 I'm sitting there, I'm fucking like, kind of nervous. 0.93
00:10:38.780 I can like feel Bill like sitting right there next to me, you know. 0.97
00:10:41.740 We're just sitting at this half table, all playing cards.
00:10:44.640 And there's like about 15 people there shooting this show.
00:10:48.660 And like, yeah, I'm nervous.
00:10:49.720 You know, I'm a little bit nervous.
00:10:50.700 I know Burt Kreischer really well.
00:10:51.960 I know the other three guys at the table well.
00:10:54.560 You know, Burt Kreischer, the machine.
00:10:56.000 And I've known Burt for a long time and John for a long time.
00:10:58.860 So I feel more comfortable around them.
00:11:01.280 But to be sitting there, you know, next to a guy who's just, man, I just felt inspired.
00:11:06.840 I felt really, really inspired.
00:11:08.340 So that was a great moment for me just to be able to be, you know, in those guys' presence with an activity that we all are doing together.
00:11:17.820 So it's, you know, it's just poker.
00:11:20.260 We're just playing around.
00:11:21.500 And I'm trying to think of some.
00:11:24.180 I mean, Bill made me laugh a few times.
00:11:25.880 Everybody made me laugh.
00:11:27.560 You know, I tried to be a little more quiet and just listen instead of, you know, trying to, you know, put my two cents into it a lot.
00:11:34.180 But it was great, man.
00:11:35.140 We had a great time.
00:11:36.020 That was a real joy.
00:11:37.040 And then I was up in Canada in Calgary.
00:11:40.340 Let me tell you this.
00:11:41.320 If you haven't been to Calgary, I'm thinking like Calgary, what is it?
00:11:46.900 You know, I didn't even know Canada was a real place for a long time.
00:11:50.100 I thought it was just, you know, a place where America practiced safety, you know, and practiced safety equipment.
00:11:57.100 Because when you think about Canada, you think, well, what is it?
00:12:01.260 You know, what is Canada?
00:12:02.920 It's America's hat.
00:12:03.960 You know, it's this cold hat that America wears.
00:12:07.540 If you look at a map, it's like this big cold hat.
00:12:11.200 And I'll tell you this.
00:12:13.140 There's people up there.
00:12:14.600 There's people up there.
00:12:15.700 And they're as friendly.
00:12:18.140 I don't feel any stress when I'm in Canada.
00:12:20.560 You get there and you don't feel like nobody's judgmentally looking around.
00:12:24.900 There's so much less judgment.
00:12:26.380 Like, people keep to themselves, but not in a way where they're doing it to keep away from you.
00:12:34.100 Like, in America, there's this weird, and maybe I feel it more in Los Angeles, and that's definitely so.
00:12:39.060 Like, you go into some smaller towns and some real communities here in this fine country, and you don't feel it as much.
00:12:45.660 But in Los Angeles, you feel everybody, you know, looking over like, oh, who's this, my love?
00:12:52.080 Heh, heh.
00:12:52.860 You know?
00:12:53.640 Who's this?
00:12:55.440 Oh, look at that.
00:12:56.840 Big Daniel, you know?
00:12:59.260 With his, you know, full-body cast.
00:13:02.100 You know? 1.00
00:13:02.420 Or who's this bitch over here? 1.00
00:13:04.500 You know, wearing electricity around her neck with them Louis Vuittons or whatever. 1.00
00:13:09.600 You know?
00:13:12.980 Who's this? 1.00
00:13:13.740 Oh, this kid's got, you know, this, you know, this kid's a gender-neutral sea bass, and he thinks he's a shit. 0.99
00:13:21.620 Because he's got a fin out of, coming out of his back and, you know, four different types of genitalia between his legs. 0.99
00:13:27.540 Oh. 0.98
00:13:29.560 You know, people think that they're fancy out here.
00:13:32.180 But you don't feel that in Canada.
00:13:34.520 In Canada, everybody's just Canadian. 0.99
00:13:36.640 You know, some people may have a little more than others here and there, but, you know, in the end, that everybody, it seems like everybody kind of has each other's back.
00:13:45.600 And now, look, I've spent, I've been to maybe five cities in Canada.
00:13:49.180 Bro, Canada, you could lay down in the street, middle of the street, in a city, in a city, in a downtown, fall asleep.
00:13:59.480 And when you woke up in the morning, someone would have put a blanket on you.
00:14:03.900 And cars that were driving down the street would have probably shut, would have probably shut their engines off when they got close to you, gotten out of the car, and pushed their car past you as to not wake you up.
00:14:18.840 Like, that's the kind of, people are just way considerate of others.
00:14:23.000 And it's not like they're trying to be, it's just, it's in their nature.
00:14:26.640 It kind of reminds me, if I had to guess what America was like, maybe, you know, 50 years ago.
00:14:34.520 And maybe not for everybody, you know, I mean, but, you know, it'd probably be, I mean, Canada's very white. 0.84
00:14:40.220 So it'd probably be what, you know, what America was like for most people.
00:14:43.380 I mean, I know there was a lot of racial tension and struggle.
00:14:45.800 But for regular white people, I bet it was similar to probably something that Canada is. 0.57
00:14:51.180 Canada's diverse too, man.
00:14:52.620 They have, I mean, it's, it's pretty white. 0.54
00:14:57.020 But everybody's, I mean, they have a lot of Indian, a lot of Pakistani.
00:15:02.060 I mean, it's, I don't know.
00:15:03.500 I had a blast, man, up in Calgary.
00:15:05.240 I didn't know this about Calgary either.
00:15:06.760 It's like the second richest city in the world.
00:15:10.440 Because of oil.
00:15:11.540 They got that drip, drip.
00:15:13.180 They got that drip, dropity, drop. 1.00
00:15:15.800 You know, damn, boy, that oil. 1.00
00:15:19.160 That oil. 1.00
00:15:21.160 And what else happened to me, man?
00:15:23.000 That was it.
00:15:23.420 We flew up there.
00:15:24.180 We had four guys.
00:15:25.800 Pancreatic cancer.
00:15:26.880 It was like a charity function.
00:15:29.980 You know, we went, we did it.
00:15:32.520 What else?
00:15:33.120 We saw, had some fans come out.
00:15:34.880 Had this gentleman named Chris came out.
00:15:37.120 I think he drove six hours or something.
00:15:39.000 He made this beautiful art for me that he drew about the Hampton Ain't Easy, you know,
00:15:44.900 about the tour from this, from this year.
00:15:46.980 He drew that up for me.
00:15:48.160 It was phenomenal, man.
00:15:49.140 I just want to thank him for driving in.
00:15:51.820 And, and just bringing that to me really touched me.
00:15:55.200 Because it was just nice of somebody to do that.
00:15:57.560 You know, to go out of their way to do something special for somebody else.
00:16:00.520 What else?
00:16:01.780 I got back last night.
00:16:03.220 I went and spoke at an AA meeting.
00:16:05.960 You know, you go to these meetings sometimes and, you know, you sit in there and you talk
00:16:11.420 at like some of these centers.
00:16:12.660 And these centers, they have, you know, it's guys that are in like these treatment facilities.
00:16:17.600 And you go in there and, you know, they got eight or nine guys in the room.
00:16:22.400 And some of them you can tell like, you know, they're down on their luck.
00:16:25.520 You know, you can feel it.
00:16:26.420 But, and it's tough because, you know, I go in there and I'm just, you know, I'm clean.
00:16:31.500 I just got out of a shower at my apartment, you know.
00:16:33.860 And, you know, I drove over there in my, you know, my clean car, you know, and it's comfortable.
00:16:39.740 And I walk in there and I have clean clothes.
00:16:42.020 And, you know, I have somewhere to be when I leave.
00:16:44.980 I have something to do the next day.
00:16:47.660 And I walk in and I sit in some of these rooms with these men.
00:16:51.220 And this was an only, a men's only meeting.
00:16:53.480 So that's why it was just men.
00:16:54.420 And I sit in there and I'm just starting listening to these guys, you know, just saying hello.
00:16:59.540 And you can feel some of them like when they shake your hand, like their hands shaking kind of.
00:17:04.800 And it just, it just brings me back down to like the reality of life.
00:17:15.440 Of my life, you know, of the world that I'm in.
00:17:22.220 You know, because I can easily get caught up running around thinking, what do I need to do next?
00:17:29.540 What, what does my money look like for the year?
00:17:32.480 You know, how am I going to best turn this next deal thing that's going on?
00:17:36.340 And what's my next move to propel myself?
00:17:40.660 You know, to think about me.
00:17:42.640 And then I go to these meetings.
00:17:43.960 And this is one of the main reasons I go to these meetings, you know.
00:17:46.940 And I don't talk about this kind of stuff that much on here.
00:17:49.740 Because, you know, part of the AA stuff is you're not supposed to talk about it.
00:17:53.500 But, you know what, I don't, whatever.
00:17:57.180 You know, this is part of my life sometimes.
00:17:59.700 And more often than not, it's part of my life.
00:18:03.120 But I go sit in there and these guys and you just, and you go around the room and you share.
00:18:07.300 It's called a panel.
00:18:08.300 And there's like three or four guys and we sit and we share our story.
00:18:12.320 You know, we share like what our story is.
00:18:15.720 You know, it's just kind of wild because, you know, I went from this crazy weekend where I was out and, you know,
00:18:22.060 I'm up in a different country and I'm doing a show and there's five, six hundred people.
00:18:25.520 And it's, you know, a sold out venue.
00:18:27.580 And we're, I mean, you know, we got to be, you know, we got to be the hit.
00:18:33.780 You know, we got to be that hitter.
00:18:35.200 You know, we got to be that backy smoke.
00:18:37.200 We were that backy smoke that was getting all in people's faces and veins and eyes.
00:18:41.300 And then, you know, I get off that plane and I get back in a, you know, just into a reality that sets me down
00:18:47.080 and sets my spirit at a level where I'm just not thinking about myself.
00:18:52.360 And you just share and you share your story.
00:18:55.020 You know, when I talk to these men about, you know, that I'm not there to preach to them.
00:18:59.240 I'm just there to share what's going on in my life.
00:19:02.640 And just how I grew up feeling inferior and just never feeling okay.
00:19:08.500 And just always feeling like I was looking.
00:19:14.220 Always feeling like I had everything.
00:19:18.260 Always feeling like, like I had to, like things had to be changed.
00:19:23.140 But no matter how many little ways I changed them, I was never reaching a desired effect.
00:19:30.820 I was never feeling comfortability.
00:19:35.240 And things would be great.
00:19:36.360 Things would be great or, or bad or, you know, I was never able to find a comfort.
00:19:43.160 You know, and that's just what I started sharing with these guys.
00:19:45.580 And then I come into these rooms now, you know, and I go to these meetings and suddenly I'm in a group of people and we're all have something in common.
00:19:56.800 And that commonality is, it's a problem.
00:20:01.580 We all have some type of a problem, an addiction or a discomfort or an uneasiness or a loneliness.
00:20:08.600 That's why we all come to these meetings.
00:20:11.200 And when I sit in there, there's just something special that makes me feel when I'm part of a group.
00:20:17.700 When I don't feel alone. 0.59
00:20:19.300 Even if it's something fucked up that brought us all together. 0.94
00:20:22.220 It's like I don't even care. 0.98
00:20:23.100 Dude, I don't care if we have no, all of us have no arms or legs and no head.
00:20:30.360 And we all crawl to just this body, pile up, meet up, just like a bunch of boulders.
00:20:36.060 And we all just, you know, just roll around on each other like rocks.
00:20:40.320 I would probably feel joy in that just because of the fact that I'm in a group.
00:20:46.160 I think as most of my life I felt so, for some reason on the inside I just felt so separate.
00:20:50.940 But, you know, I just felt like, I just never felt like a part of something.
00:20:57.100 You know, and I just never felt okay.
00:20:59.200 And I sit in these groups and, you know, and I'm talking to these guys.
00:21:05.180 And, and that's just makes me feel okay for some reason.
00:21:09.500 And I think a lot of it's just the connection, the connectivity.
00:21:11.820 Because we can get separate, we can get separate pretty quick out here.
00:21:18.040 So anyhow, man, that was my weekend.
00:21:19.860 I didn't mean to get all wild or weird on you there.
00:21:22.300 Just trying to share some of what it's like when, you know, being in this AA program.
00:21:25.980 I've been in here for about 16 months now.
00:21:27.720 I don't know if I'll always be in this program.
00:21:30.240 You know, I don't know if I'll always be a part of it.
00:21:32.360 But for now I am and, and I'm grateful because I get to have moments where I go into rooms and I don't feel alone.
00:21:42.100 And the people that I'm there to share my story with, they don't feel alone.
00:21:45.520 And it's crazy that by sharing our problems, you know, or coming together because we have an issue, that is how we don't feel alone anymore.
00:21:55.280 That's how we solve our problem.
00:21:57.800 You know, because forever you're out here trying to solve your problem all these different ways when all you really needed was to fill up that void that makes you feel like you have a problem in the first place.
00:22:09.520 So I don't even know if that makes any sense, but something just propelled it right out of my body.
00:22:15.520 I'll tell you what does make a little bit of sense to me is that television shows have gotten horrible.
00:22:22.040 It's so bad.
00:22:22.820 A lot of times your own dog will leave the room if you have a dog or if you have mice in the walls, you can sometimes hear them scurry off when you put on a certain program.
00:22:32.740 It's because TV and film aren't about entertainment anymore.
00:22:35.980 They're about advertisement.
00:22:38.180 That's what you have to understand.
00:22:39.360 What you're watching is an advertisement cloaked in light entertainment.
00:22:43.940 Entertainment is the secondary goal of the programming you're watching.
00:22:48.760 Well, that's changing now because we're putting things back in the hands of the people.
00:22:53.040 And when I say we, it's an organization called LiveTree.
00:22:57.540 LiveTree.com.
00:22:58.660 You can go there.
00:22:59.320 It's changing the entertainment industry by creating a new platform called Adept.
00:23:03.960 The public will be able to fund what they want to watch, own what they help produce, decide who's in it, what goes on through the process of content creation, funding, and distribution.
00:23:16.100 It's basically like suddenly entertainment is going to become almost like, I don't want to say fantasy football because this is a reality.
00:23:23.780 But you're going to be able to invest and then have a say-so in who is in something and if the project does well, have a return on your investment.
00:23:33.720 How crazy is that?
00:23:35.040 That is what is going on at LiveTree.
00:23:37.020 You can go to LiveTree.com and check it out.
00:23:39.900 See what is happening.
00:23:41.100 The revolution is now.
00:23:42.940 I'm definitely going to be over there checking it out myself.
00:23:46.420 All right.
00:23:46.940 Let's get into the news.
00:23:47.880 We'll go with big news first and then we'll get into some smaller stuff.
00:23:50.460 North Korea firing missiles.
00:23:53.040 Oh, well. 1.00
00:23:54.860 Shoot them off, bro. 1.00
00:23:56.720 Shoot them off, dude. 1.00
00:23:59.500 That's nothing. 1.00
00:24:01.020 I used to know a guy who could spit high, high up in the air and catch it in his mouth, dude, every time.
00:24:09.920 And that's all you remind me of, North Korea. 0.99
00:24:12.240 If you want to shoot something, shoot it up. 0.99
00:24:14.060 Pop, pop. 0.99
00:24:15.340 Because y'all ain't doing nothing.
00:24:17.820 You're over there Wizard of Oz-ing.
00:24:19.740 You know, beating people for chewing gum.
00:24:24.400 God forbid somebody learns to blow a bubble. 0.96
00:24:27.160 And you're out there beating them with sticks or whatever you guys are doing. 0.98
00:24:30.220 Making people juggle eggs and stuff and teaching babies how to juggle and dance and shit like that. 0.93
00:24:37.520 I've seen it on the internet with those electronic dancing babies and all of that. 0.95
00:24:41.800 And I've seen what you guys are doing over there. 0.99
00:24:45.220 You got infants over there riding, you know, riding on gators and doing all kinds of shit and wearing neck braces and stuff. 0.99
00:24:52.920 And I don't know what you guys are up to. 1.00
00:24:55.460 But shoot your little missiles, guy. 0.98
00:24:57.640 You're never going to do anything. 0.99
00:24:59.000 Here's why.
00:24:59.520 Because you love your existence over there.
00:25:03.520 Yet Yamse, whatever that guy's name is.
00:25:05.360 Yamcham.
00:25:08.240 Yao. 1.00
00:25:10.000 Shit. 1.00
00:25:11.620 Dao. 1.00
00:25:12.040 Dao.
00:25:13.200 I was going to say Dao Sang. 0.82
00:25:15.280 That's not it.
00:25:16.960 Something.
00:25:17.820 Whoever. 1.00
00:25:19.460 Oh, fuck. 1.00
00:25:21.040 I almost said Obi-Wan Kenobi, dude. 1.00
00:25:27.820 I don't remember.
00:25:28.500 Whoever you are, bro. 0.98
00:25:29.600 You're not doing shit, dude. 1.00
00:25:30.680 Shoot your missiles, dude. 1.00
00:25:32.800 What else? 0.99
00:25:33.560 A Navy pilot drew giant dicks in the sky with a fighter jet.
00:25:38.180 How about this?
00:25:39.460 Awesome.
00:25:40.600 Sounds awesome, dude. 1.00
00:25:42.300 Easy, though, to draw a dick, I think. 1.00
00:25:43.920 I'd love to see the guy get a little bit more intimate. 0.99
00:25:46.580 Draw some Vagine out there in the clouds, you know?
00:25:49.480 Wouldn't it be cool to see a big cloud going by with a nice hoo-ha on it? 1.00
00:25:53.000 With that little bit of a spoiled cookie out there? 1.00
00:25:55.700 Because I've seen some spoiled cookies out there, especially down near Tampa.
00:25:59.040 And when you get down near that Gulf of Mexico, they got some spoiled cookies down there.
00:26:03.340 A lot of them ladies ain't taking care of their bakeries. 1.00
00:26:05.320 You feel me?
00:26:07.940 I'm having coffee.
00:26:09.700 What else?
00:26:11.220 A grandmother accidentally invites a stranger to Thanksgiving.
00:26:15.280 I love how that's news now.
00:26:16.920 Back in the old days, that was just called being nice.
00:26:21.480 Grandmother accidentally invites a stranger to Thanksgiving.
00:26:24.720 Ah, lucky, lucky guy.
00:26:29.020 Here's another one.
00:26:30.580 Undercover Detroit cops trying to arrest each other and then fight. 1.00
00:26:36.500 Fuck yes. 1.00
00:26:37.940 Ah, that might be the best headline I ever even read. 1.00
00:26:40.920 Detroit cops trying to arrest, undercover cops trying to arrest each other.
00:26:45.960 And then when it's not working out, for some reason, they fight each other.
00:26:51.940 That's so Detroit.
00:26:54.340 I love that.
00:26:56.300 I love...
00:26:56.960 You know what?
00:26:57.440 I always wonder why they only have undercover cops.
00:26:59.520 Why is that the only job where you're undercover, you know?
00:27:04.720 Like, I would love it like an undercover stripper. 0.93
00:27:08.300 You know, you're at the bakery.
00:27:09.580 You're buying a couple of donuts, maybe.
00:27:11.440 The lady's like, oh, do you want these? 1.00
00:27:13.440 You want these crellers? 1.00
00:27:15.580 Or you want these tits? 1.00
00:27:18.580 And suddenly, she's an undercover stripper. 1.00
00:27:22.040 You didn't have any idea.
00:27:23.700 You know?
00:27:25.120 How great would that be, huh?
00:27:27.100 Oh, you want that bear claw?
00:27:29.480 Or you want that fox foot?
00:27:32.340 And she just spreads them gams open, you know?
00:27:35.540 You want that bear claw?
00:27:37.760 Or you want that...
00:27:38.960 You want that eagle's underbite, you know?
00:27:43.280 And she just shows you that cooter. 1.00
00:27:44.660 Good times, though.
00:27:48.440 Navy pilots drawing dicks in the sky.
00:27:50.900 Undercover cops fighting each other.
00:27:52.660 It's like the 80s all over again.
00:27:54.240 I love it.
00:27:55.620 I love it.
00:27:57.220 People say the world's falling apart.
00:27:59.040 Are you doing okay?
00:27:59.740 Here's how to know if your world is falling apart.
00:28:02.520 Look at your world.
00:28:04.100 Talk to your family.
00:28:05.300 See what's going on.
00:28:06.400 Take care of your home.
00:28:07.840 Take care of the people around you.
00:28:09.920 You're good.
00:28:11.240 The world isn't falling apart.
00:28:12.680 We're going to be fine.
00:28:13.460 We're going to be F-I-N-E. 0.99
00:28:15.820 I'm just amazed people have so much time online all day to fight about all this bullshit. 0.99
00:28:20.240 If you have time to fight about it, then you're probably doing okay. 0.98
00:28:24.880 You're probably doing okay.
00:28:28.400 You know?
00:28:29.260 What else?
00:28:30.700 Let's see.
00:28:31.340 In my hometown, a Mexican restaurant opened up in downtown Covington, Louisiana.
00:28:36.940 And that's beautiful to see.
00:28:38.060 And I want to say a belated congratulations to the Covington High School Lions from my hometown.
00:28:44.040 They made it to the quarterfinals and they lost last week.
00:28:46.460 But I know that was huge for them down there and everybody just bringing the community together and having some local excitement.
00:28:53.740 And I watched that game on the YouTube and it was beautiful to watch and just see, you know, and hear people down there.
00:28:59.860 You could hear.
00:29:00.940 I mean, it's a good community.
00:29:02.020 You got all types down there.
00:29:03.080 You got people that can't read and you got people that can read.
00:29:05.620 But it's a good time and it's a, you know, and I'm just happy for that environment down there to see your hometown do something big.
00:29:13.200 But they got a new Mexican restaurant downtown.
00:29:15.240 I remember the first Mexican kid we ever got in my town.
00:29:19.940 And I've told that story before about Mexican Nicholas when he came to town. 0.83
00:29:24.060 Beautiful boy.
00:29:25.440 And he had that kind of canary nutmeg tint on his skin, you know.
00:29:29.440 And he had that mustache, you know, that word curtain.
00:29:33.440 You know, a lot of Latino boys, they just, they strained their whole childhood just to sprout that word curtain, you know. 1.00
00:29:41.440 And he came into class.
00:29:42.820 He came into sex ed.
00:29:44.640 We just started learning about sex ed at school, you know.
00:29:48.240 And I thought it was going to be this dude named Ed was going to run in the room, spray out.
00:29:54.740 Because I'd seen this fellow working freelance by the train tracks.
00:29:59.400 So I'm thinking, hell yeah, finally Ed is getting his money.
00:30:02.000 You know, finally Ed is coming up.
00:30:04.260 Ed is getting work.
00:30:06.000 But it's a synonym, sexual education.
00:30:08.980 It's a synonym.
00:30:10.860 But he came into class.
00:30:13.360 I remember our principal opened the door to our classroom in science.
00:30:18.260 Science, boy, you could hold an animal at your desk.
00:30:20.480 You'd be sitting at your desk.
00:30:23.180 Mr. Blackwell was our teacher.
00:30:24.640 He's sitting at your desk holding a baby squirrel.
00:30:27.020 Holding a hamster. 0.98
00:30:28.280 G-pig. 1.00
00:30:29.580 Oyster.
00:30:30.820 Lizard.
00:30:31.280 One kid in our class, he'd been in a fire.
00:30:34.760 He couldn't hold anything.
00:30:35.780 It would scratch his skin.
00:30:36.980 So he'd get the oyster every time.
00:30:39.980 You know, he's sitting in class.
00:30:41.120 Little Sherman get that oyster. 0.99
00:30:43.000 Because he got them fire hands, you know.
00:30:46.020 He got them papier-mâché hands.
00:30:47.680 You know, you can't put anything real heavy or real spicy on them.
00:30:50.380 Because he's already been in a fire.
00:30:51.860 And you don't spice up somebody that's been in a fire.
00:30:54.700 You don't surprise them with any, you know, turmeric or any salsa or anything like that. 1.00
00:30:59.020 Well, that shit will eat right through their skin. 1.00
00:31:01.000 Very, very little skin on a fire person. 1.00
00:31:04.680 So little Sherman, he'd get that oyster every time they set that soft oyster in his hand.
00:31:08.560 You know, because it wasn't going to move or try to scratch him.
00:31:12.660 But everybody's sitting in class.
00:31:14.600 You got an animal.
00:31:15.940 You know, got a little pet.
00:31:17.220 Because we're learning about science, you know, usually.
00:31:19.360 So you got a piece of science in your hand.
00:31:22.540 A living piece.
00:31:23.440 One of the Lord's little, you know, one of the Lord's little dirt puppets. 0.78
00:31:30.440 You know, you have one of them.
00:31:31.580 One of the Lord's little Voltrons. 0.88
00:31:34.780 An animal.
00:31:36.000 A piece of science on legs. 1.00
00:31:38.620 A damn animal. 1.00
00:31:39.520 Something that can fuck, dude, when you're not around. 1.00
00:31:43.400 Think about that. 0.99
00:31:44.920 You ever think about that? 1.00
00:31:45.680 You ever close your eyes and think to yourself how many animals are fucking right now? 0.96
00:31:51.100 If you ever got an ego and you want to take yourself out of ego, put yourself into reality, you do that. 0.93
00:31:57.540 You close your eyes. 0.99
00:31:59.840 Think that in the distance right now, there are animals just fucking each other. 0.98
00:32:07.260 There are all types of animals. 0.96
00:32:10.240 Um, cats.
00:32:12.720 Uh, moose.
00:32:14.980 Dev, um, not devil worshippers.
00:32:17.660 Yeah, devil worshippers, dude.
00:32:19.200 They're not animals, but they're not doing well as people.
00:32:24.600 And other, all types of animals. 1.00
00:32:27.000 Forest is just, the forest is a fuck fest, dude. 1.00
00:32:30.560 It's an orgy. 1.00
00:32:32.520 You think that, we always think the animals are just kind of milling around eating. 1.00
00:32:36.520 These animals are fucking each other. 1.00
00:32:38.540 That's what they're up to. 1.00
00:32:41.600 Dude, you can, there's a lot of videos online.
00:32:44.020 I've been online watching a lot of funerals.
00:32:47.440 A lot of funerals online recently.
00:32:49.240 I've been watching funerals online.
00:32:52.160 And, and it's kind of crazy, I guess.
00:32:55.800 You know, I guess it makes me feel like a part of something.
00:32:58.900 You know, and I like to have feelings.
00:33:00.560 So I like, a funeral will give you a feeling.
00:33:02.280 You know, if you're sitting there watching a service and people sharing their feelings and stuff.
00:33:06.100 And you can comment, you know.
00:33:07.220 You know, Dale seemed nice, you know.
00:33:10.420 Some people have rude comments, you know.
00:33:14.740 You know, there was some rude, rude comments, you know. 1.00
00:33:17.880 Let's see some titties up in this motherfucker. 1.00
00:33:21.760 Some dude in all caps. 1.00
00:33:23.900 Like, damn, bro. 1.00
00:33:25.820 You know, Dale worked for the post office. 0.99
00:33:27.800 I don't think, you know, I don't think that's kind of, you know, that's the kind of severance package he was talking about.
00:33:33.540 But anyway, Nicholas came in our classroom.
00:33:38.560 Mexican Nicholas.
00:33:40.200 He'd been in class, you know.
00:33:42.680 Our principal opens the door.
00:33:44.200 She said, students, it's y'all's new student.
00:33:45.920 And it was, it was him.
00:33:47.060 His first Mexican.
00:33:48.460 Sat in class, raised his hand.
00:33:50.300 Been in class four minutes, dude.
00:33:51.500 In sex ed, he raised his hand.
00:33:54.360 And he said,
00:33:56.500 Hey, Mr. Blackwell.
00:33:58.500 What does pop that cherry mean, honks?
00:34:01.480 What does pop that cherry mean, Holmes?
00:34:07.320 And he became a legend.
00:34:09.180 He became a legend.
00:34:12.420 And that was the first Mexican ever. 0.99
00:34:14.040 But now it's great to see that small towns are evolving.
00:34:18.260 You know, people want to look at small towns and say these people aren't diverse.
00:34:20.860 We had one shot at diversity.
00:34:23.220 And we made that kid a legend.
00:34:26.580 Just so sick of people saying, oh, well, you know, you don't have diversity.
00:34:29.800 You don't have this, you know, you're not diverse because you don't have something. 0.99
00:34:34.920 You don't know something until you have it.
00:34:37.560 You can't force something on somebody.
00:34:39.900 Diversity is a blessing.
00:34:41.560 If you get to live in a diverse place, then that's a blessing.
00:34:45.340 And if you aren't experiencing it, if you have neighbors that are different and you're not getting some sort of an experience with them,
00:34:51.120 then you're missing out.
00:34:53.380 You are missing out.
00:34:55.400 And that's the truth.
00:34:56.440 That is the truth, man.
00:34:58.760 A little bit more news here.
00:35:01.340 Man accidentally burns down three buildings and damages 20 others trying to make a sword in his backyard. 0.99
00:35:08.500 Well, fuck yeah, he did. 0.99
00:35:11.960 I mean, that's obvious right there. 1.00
00:35:13.740 A man, questionable there, obviously, burns down three buildings and damages 20 other buildings trying to make a sword in his backyard.
00:35:25.180 On December 1st, a man was in his backyard.
00:35:29.700 First of all, some of these backyards.
00:35:32.600 What's going on back there?
00:35:34.380 How much space, how much room you need back there?
00:35:37.480 What are you doing?
00:35:39.200 What are you doing back there?
00:35:41.580 In your yard. 1.00
00:35:43.500 With your fucking equipment and saws. 1.00
00:35:46.860 What are you doing? 1.00
00:35:47.560 You building swords?
00:35:48.480 We'll get it together, guy.
00:35:52.680 On December 1st, a man was in his backyard.
00:35:55.420 A man. 1.00
00:35:56.560 What a piece of shit. 1.00
00:35:58.680 It was probably a white man, too, you know. 1.00
00:36:00.900 They fuck everything up. 0.99
00:36:03.160 Sorry for my language, guys. 0.74
00:36:04.440 You know what?
00:36:05.040 I'm not in a bad mood today, but I'm just fired up.
00:36:07.120 I'm feisty.
00:36:08.380 You know?
00:36:08.700 A man was in his backyard playing Game of Thrones.
00:36:14.360 Dude.
00:36:15.900 By trying to make his own sword, he got the furnace up and running to melt the steel.
00:36:21.740 What, bro?
00:36:23.540 Use wood, bro.
00:36:26.520 The only problem was that there was 30 mile per hour winds going that day and the embers hit nearby buildings, burning down three and damaging 20 others.
00:36:33.820 Still waiting on the update of how the sword turned out.
00:36:37.740 Well, that's what you get from making swords.
00:36:39.840 Right there.
00:36:41.100 You lose all your friends.
00:36:42.760 Literally, you lose all your friends.
00:36:44.800 You cost their friends their place to live.
00:36:47.260 Amazon contractor decides to deliver his own package by taking a dump in someone's driveway.
00:36:53.440 Well, that's what happens when Amazon's trying to, you know, same day delivery. 1.00
00:36:59.480 Guy don't have time to shit. 1.00
00:37:01.460 A guy doesn't have time to shit. 1.00
00:37:03.820 Because he's got to get a new pair of sandals to you, stepmother. 1.00
00:37:09.420 What the hell is going on?
00:37:12.440 Do you need it that fast?
00:37:14.900 Same day delivery?
00:37:17.540 Guy probably gets fired or docked pay if he, you know, if he, there's probably an access code on the shitter.
00:37:22.900 If they, you know, if he presses his code in there to go to use the actual, you know, room de digestion, then he's going to get fined. 0.98
00:37:33.640 So now the man got a shit local, you know, when he's out and about. 0.99
00:37:37.520 Well, this week an Amazon contractor got caught taking a shit in someone's driveway. 0.99
00:37:45.400 Well, that's for driving, dude. 0.99
00:37:48.800 It says it in the word.
00:37:49.700 After he placed their package on the front porch.
00:37:53.960 He was caught on film.
00:37:55.080 You can watch that online. 0.98
00:37:56.860 So if you want to watch a little bit of local shitting going on, you can check that out online. 0.70
00:38:01.820 But it's just, you know, they don't have these guys. 0.97
00:38:03.540 I'm sure they probably get fined if they cough, if they sneeze.
00:38:06.880 They get docked pay.
00:38:08.120 They're not getting a package because they're quick enough.
00:38:10.520 Guy breaks a sweat.
00:38:11.760 That's probably, you know, cost him $2. 1.00
00:38:15.160 Man can't even shit anymore. 1.00
00:38:16.780 You can have men wearing diapers running around. 1.00
00:38:19.200 Men and strong women and some lesbians running around wearing diapers. 1.00
00:38:23.040 You know, just so your freaking Uncle Marty can get a, you know, a rare pack of Oreo cookies. 0.98
00:38:33.180 It just came out. 0.96
00:38:34.620 The hell is going on.
00:38:37.800 Other news.
00:38:38.600 Magnitude 4.4 earthquake strikes off the coast of Dover, Delaware.
00:38:42.680 Well, finally, Delaware's in the news.
00:38:45.620 I forgot about Delaware, didn't you?
00:38:47.200 You did, too.
00:38:48.600 I know you forgot about Delaware.
00:38:51.160 Delaware.
00:38:52.160 What is it?
00:38:52.640 It's Britain, basically.
00:38:53.940 It's our Britain. 0.98
00:38:55.560 And if we had any balls, we'd fight them again. 0.99
00:38:58.100 You know, because they're screwing around. 1.00
00:39:00.220 Britain did a lot of shit that they don't take any responsibility for. 1.00
00:39:04.960 We got James Corden on the air out here, you know, as a host of late night television when his grandparents enslaved half the universe. 1.00
00:39:18.460 What's going on, people?
00:39:19.660 So, what else?
00:39:22.300 Ranch dressing is finally available in kegs.
00:39:24.900 Good.
00:39:25.220 And I'm sure that'll help with, I'm sure that'll help run up the bill of insurance costs.
00:39:34.360 That's got to be healthy for somebody. 0.99
00:39:36.420 Give your freaking little nephew a thermos of ranch dressing. 1.00
00:39:39.940 Kids in fourth grade sitting there sucking down a couple of, you know, pints of Thousand Island on his, during recess. 1.00
00:39:49.540 Unbelievable.
00:39:50.380 Just in time for the holiday season, Hidden Valley unveiled their brand new ranch dressing keg.
00:39:56.780 They say it comes with a one-year supply of ranch in each keg.
00:40:00.980 Hidden Valley, that's what they call your healthy aortas.
00:40:06.940 Hidden Valley, you can't even see them anymore. 0.99
00:40:10.440 Because you've had so much damn ranch. 0.97
00:40:12.160 But you know what? 1.00
00:40:12.840 I say that's a good way to go to heaven if you're going to die.
00:40:16.980 I've always been ashamed that the only ways that we have to get to heaven are, are after if you go, if you, you know, or to deal with the body are embalming or burning, I think is the second one. 0.76
00:40:28.740 You're going to burn me, guy?
00:40:30.980 Oh, that's brave, you know?
00:40:33.740 You seem like a smart guy. 0.87
00:40:34.900 You're burning up people that are dead. 1.00
00:40:37.240 What an asshole. 1.00
00:40:38.800 Why don't you go make a sword and burn down your neighborhood? 1.00
00:40:42.260 You freaking sword maker. 1.00
00:40:45.020 Because here's the thing. 0.99
00:40:46.980 How about this? 1.00
00:40:48.080 Fill me with fucking ranch, baby. 1.00
00:40:51.480 Huh? 1.00
00:40:53.020 Embalm this little bobcat with that R-A-N-C-H, boo-boo. 1.00
00:40:58.740 You're telling me that formaldehyde and that being, what's it called, when you're burnt to a crisp, you know, whatever it is, decapitated or something, are the only things that can happen to you after you die?
00:41:17.380 No, way more options.
00:41:19.060 I want to fill daddy's body with ranch.
00:41:21.640 I want to be embalmed with ranch. 0.95
00:41:23.040 Take my eyeballs out, leave my mouth open, put me in the funeral casket, all my orifices open, bunch of little things, chips, ooh, broccoli, get them, pop, pop, get them into my faces, you know, hit them orifices, hit that mouth, eye, eye, get that triple dip. 0.79
00:41:41.280 Make me a little bit of a snack hole.
00:41:45.120 That way people are actually enjoying their time at my funeral, at my showing, you know?
00:41:50.460 What about bacon wrap? 0.96
00:41:52.260 How about you put a huge slab of that freaking thick, thin ham around daddy's neck? 0.99
00:42:00.120 Damn, boy, have all the dogs barking outside of that funeral house. 0.99
00:42:03.020 Boy, you'll have birds at the windows ready to get in there and just take a little bit of a nip-nip off daddy's freaking head vase, off that neck, off that ham. 1.00
00:42:16.100 But there's way other things you could do. 0.98
00:42:18.560 Black and dipped, baby-backed.
00:42:21.700 What if you went to somebody's funeral and their ribs had all been cooked and ready to eat? 0.98
00:42:28.860 And if you wouldn't have a human rib, you're a lying. 1.00
00:42:33.980 You're a liar. 0.99
00:42:36.040 And I tell that, you know, I'm not saying that to make fun of anybody, but if you wouldn't need a human rib that had been perfected, cooked, 0.99
00:42:43.320 maybe over there at Arthur's Barbecue or whatever in Kansas City or in Wichita, wherever that place is,
00:42:49.180 you wouldn't get that hitter?
00:42:52.340 You can lie to yourself, just don't lie to me.
00:42:55.260 Because I'm not listening to it anymore.
00:42:56.740 That's the news right there, really.
00:43:00.860 That's the news.
00:43:03.320 Let's keep it cruising here. 0.83
00:43:04.920 We had a couple of calls.
00:43:06.060 I'm going to hit them.
00:43:06.660 I want to thank you guys for being here with me. 0.91
00:43:07.960 I'm in a little bit of a weird mood, man.
00:43:09.360 I'm just feisty.
00:43:10.960 You know, I haven't smoked in a whole week.
00:43:13.140 I haven't smoked in a whole week, man.
00:43:17.160 And I would blow.
00:43:19.660 Man, if you showed me a newborn baby made out of nicotine right now, I would probably blow it. 0.91
00:43:25.620 That's where I'm at.
00:43:26.740 But that only lasts for like about 10, 10 seconds.
00:43:31.600 Then I get past that.
00:43:33.180 You know?
00:43:35.860 You know?
00:43:37.340 If you told me right now that a young Viet was hiding a couple cigarettes in his, you know, 1.00
00:43:42.860 had a little bit of that backy smoke in his bloodstream,
00:43:45.260 I'd sharpen my incisors and vamp down on that boy.
00:43:49.360 Catch that hitter right out of that boy's young, right out of that Dang Tran or whatever. 1.00
00:43:59.220 You know?
00:43:59.560 That Zhang Ti.
00:44:00.880 That river.
00:44:02.400 Right out of that delta.
00:44:03.360 That Mekong delta.
00:44:04.820 Just latch onto that boy's neck and just get that hitter. 1.00
00:44:08.540 Just fucking rocking hemoglobin right out of that young Viet stream so I could get that hit of that backy. 1.00
00:44:17.420 But I'm a weak man. 0.99
00:44:18.360 I don't even know how.
00:44:19.260 I just got to the point where I just was tired of smoking.
00:44:22.620 But then here's what always happens to me.
00:44:25.140 Once I tell people I'm quitting, I'm done, that's when I start again.
00:44:30.240 It's like if I keep it to myself, then it builds up and it actually works.
00:44:35.620 You know?
00:44:35.860 And I'll do it.
00:44:36.560 I'll stick to it.
00:44:37.560 But once I start to, you know, like I'll go do something for one day.
00:44:42.180 I'll go do some, you know, curls at the gym or I'll brush my hair for one day.
00:44:47.140 And then I'll tell people, oh, you know, I'm brushing my hair now.
00:44:50.200 You know, I'm doing curls at the gym now.
00:44:52.160 Once I tell people, I don't continue it.
00:44:56.720 I don't know what that is.
00:44:57.500 I don't know why that is.
00:44:59.720 I don't know a lot, man.
00:45:01.740 Maybe that's where I'm at.
00:45:02.700 All I know is that it's December.
00:45:05.220 You know?
00:45:05.780 I do know that.
00:45:07.280 I know that it's December.
00:45:09.080 And I know that I got a call for you guys right here.
00:45:14.960 Let's get to it.
00:45:15.900 Here we go.
00:45:16.380 Just a couple.
00:45:17.000 Just a couple.
00:45:17.980 Yo, Theon.
00:45:19.180 This is your boy, Tater.
00:45:21.940 What's up, Tater?
00:45:23.560 Savannah, Georgia.
00:45:26.060 Savannah, Georgia.
00:45:26.880 That's artistic country.
00:45:28.880 That's artism.
00:45:30.100 And that's where it's paints and clay.
00:45:31.700 Onward.
00:45:32.500 I wanted to call and say what's up.
00:45:34.700 I'm a machinist.
00:45:35.620 We make parts to go on airplanes.
00:45:37.360 I just want to let you know that's what we're doing out here.
00:45:39.020 I put you on the radio, playing over the whole plant.
00:45:41.600 We listen to y'all, about eight of us on a little skeleton crew.
00:45:45.780 But I just wanted to let you know that's what's going on over here in Savannah, Georgia.
00:45:49.580 You got fans?
00:45:51.040 Well, I appreciate that, man.
00:45:52.300 You guys make parts for airplanes.
00:45:53.640 Well, guess what?
00:45:54.460 I'm going to say this.
00:45:55.280 First, I'm going to say thank you very much.
00:45:57.380 You know, I asked last week who listens to this show, and that's why I wanted to play this.
00:46:01.900 So we have a group of machinists over there in Savannah, and they listen to it at their plant.
00:46:08.260 They got a skeleton crew.
00:46:09.880 And thank you for that, man.
00:46:11.100 I do appreciate it.
00:46:12.120 And I would like to say this.
00:46:14.940 Your parts are always running about 30 minutes late when I'm trying to fly.
00:46:20.700 So we just got a word from the cockpit that we need to get a new part, and we're going to be delayed for 30 minutes.
00:46:30.160 So if you guys could step it up after your lunch break, because I know you're over there in Savannah.
00:46:35.340 You guys out there having pineapple upside down cake and wedding cake for dessert.
00:46:40.720 Y'all having catfish and, you know, baked cauliflower, doing all of that sweet potato jambalaya, casserole, I'm on fire.
00:46:52.460 Y'all having that sookie, sookie now.
00:46:56.240 Y'all having beer with lunch, having wedding cake for dessert. 1.00
00:47:00.080 Who the fuck is having wedding cake for dessert on a Tuesday? 0.99
00:47:04.500 That's the problem sometimes with some of these southern places, man. 1.00
00:47:08.180 People having seven-course lunch. 1.00
00:47:10.300 Bitch, it's Wednesday. 1.00
00:47:12.820 You having a seven-course lunch? 1.00
00:47:16.720 This isn't a Bangladeshi wedding, okay?
00:47:22.160 Lunch is one course.
00:47:24.460 Get it and get back to work.
00:47:26.240 The second course of lunch is getting back to work.
00:47:31.040 But I used to go to College of Charleston, man.
00:47:34.580 I love that area.
00:47:36.000 Got some beautiful beaches over there not far from you guys.
00:47:38.840 And I do appreciate you guys calling.
00:47:40.460 Let's listen to a little bit more here.
00:47:42.040 I want to say what's up and comment for your boy that's wanting to bring other guys to the bedroom with his old lady. 0.62
00:47:49.740 Oh, yeah.
00:47:50.780 That was a call that came in last week.
00:47:51.940 That was what the follow-up was about.
00:47:53.100 They had a gentleman named Adam who was talking about doing that cuck holding where you have other people come in and play your video game system.
00:48:02.500 You know?
00:48:03.360 Because sometimes you've got that PS4.
00:48:04.800 You know, that's why you only get one controller with it.
00:48:08.520 Because they don't really want you having friends on it. 0.99
00:48:11.060 You know, that's why your wife only has one vagina hole because that's for you. 1.00
00:48:14.700 That's for you. 0.99
00:48:16.020 But this fellow, Adam wanted to have people come over and, you know, he wanted to do Ninja Turtles.
00:48:21.700 Where he having three or four guys jump down in that sewer hole.
00:48:25.200 But let's hear a little more. 1.00
00:48:26.280 All I can say is, fuck that. 1.00
00:48:29.040 That's my pussy. 1.00
00:48:30.600 Dang. 1.00
00:48:31.800 Gang. 0.66
00:48:32.280 Gang. 0.66
00:48:33.360 When these people do that, it's just going to cause problems and bring unwanted issues into the marriage. 1.00
00:48:40.080 They might seem like they're cool about it at first.
00:48:42.780 But y'all getting a fight later on, you know, it's going to be thrown in your face.
00:48:48.000 Yeah, you heard it, man.
00:48:49.180 And that's a hardworking man.
00:48:50.260 That man out there making airline parts.
00:48:52.540 Well, look, I'll say this also.
00:48:53.920 I hope y'all ain't smoking weed out there, bro.
00:48:56.040 Because I fly a lot. 0.73
00:48:58.340 And if y'all out there, you know, catching that cannabis to the brain, shut it down.
00:49:03.820 Because I don't want a, you know, a wing part that, you know, next thing you know, one of these wings is made out of feathers. 0.99
00:49:09.980 And I'm like, what the fuck are they making over there in Savannah? 0.92
00:49:12.800 But I love you guys. 0.98
00:49:13.760 Thank you for the support.
00:49:15.640 Let's hear a little bit more.
00:49:16.600 We had one more caller that called in about that, about that Adam's response from last week.
00:49:20.660 Let's hear a little more on that.
00:49:22.580 Hey, Theo.
00:49:23.920 This is Brent in Colorado.
00:49:26.380 Just listening to your Thursday update, man.
00:49:28.380 I love the podcast.
00:49:30.200 Thanks for calling Brent.
00:49:31.400 Onward.
00:49:32.120 Just wanted to drop some science on the podcast, maybe.
00:49:36.360 About the guy who was in the cuck situation or situation where he wanted to watch another man bang his wife.
00:49:43.220 A little bit of science for you.
00:49:44.400 They ran an experiment with the likelihood of impregnation with a sperm count, how high a person's sperm count was. 0.95
00:49:51.780 And when they collected the samples, they would send the man home with a bit of pornography to, you know, masturbate to. 0.98
00:49:57.780 Okay, interesting. 0.64
00:49:59.360 So this is an experiment where a man were, where they did sperm collection and they sent the men home with pornography, different types of pornography when they were, when they were running this experiment.
00:50:12.560 Onward.
00:50:12.800 Oh, so he could provide a sample.
00:50:15.080 Well, it turns out that the men who were given pornography that pictured gangbang, like multiple dudes with one woman.
00:50:24.540 Oh, yeah, dude.
00:50:25.300 You're talking about that buffet style.
00:50:27.160 You're talking about that family style, like when you're at that Bloomin' Onion.
00:50:30.760 You know, that thing when you're people eating from all sides of it.
00:50:34.840 But yes, Onward, when people, when men got the gangbang pornography, what happened?
00:50:40.400 The sperm count or the sperm productivity was much higher in those samples than if the porno watched only had one man and one woman.
00:50:50.700 So.
00:50:51.060 Wow.
00:50:52.520 Hmm.
00:50:53.140 A little bit of science there, more.
00:50:54.540 So, there is some biological evidence to support the fact that sometimes you need to know your woman could be taken by another man.
00:51:04.120 I mean, supposedly, I'm not saying it's true or not.
00:51:06.440 I'm just saying science says you've got to compete a little bit for that nut, that your nut is going to compete a little bit harder.
00:51:15.440 That's a nut.
00:51:16.060 Yeah, that's called a nut off.
00:51:18.000 When two people are trying to, you know, out nut each other, that's a nut off.
00:51:22.100 You know?
00:51:22.460 So, and they used to have, I remember being in elementary school and this man, Mr. Larry, it wasn't elementary, it was middle school.
00:51:30.380 And they, but back when I went to middle school, if you were in there for long enough, and I've spoken about this gentleman before, but if you were in middle school for long enough, then they eventually you just, they couldn't have you take the classes anymore because you couldn't get it.
00:51:42.940 They would just make you a custodian.
00:51:45.280 And we had a black gentleman at our school, been in, probably been in fifth or sixth grade, maybe seven times, Mr. Larry.
00:51:52.080 Finally, he got a job custodian.
00:51:54.680 But he was still friends with a lot of the kids because we all knew each other, you know, we'd been in class with him for a couple years.
00:52:01.640 So, but Mr. Larry would come in and urinate in the bathroom and piss over our shoulders, you know, because he had that hit on him, you know.
00:52:11.680 He had that club, you know, he had that neighborhood sword that's burning down buildings, you feel me?
00:52:17.320 He had that sword, you know, he had, you know, he was, he had that backyard sword.
00:52:24.140 And so he would come in and we'd be standing there urinating and you'd see that stream just come over you, you know, come over your shoulder.
00:52:31.740 And he had a perfect shot.
00:52:32.960 I mean, he was just, you know, just pistol peating.
00:52:37.460 And, you know, he was like Sam Perkins down there, just sleepy Sam, just, you know, hitting you, just three pointing over you.
00:52:45.040 And he, he would drop that over your shoulder, Mr. Larry, and piss into that urinal and he would hit it.
00:52:50.240 And it was just, it was pretty cool.
00:52:52.000 But that was like where you got kind of out, out pissed.
00:52:54.800 You know, you were doing urine, but he came in and said, well, I'm going to, I'm going to up your urine and I'm going to raise you.
00:52:59.260 You know, I'm going to see your stream and raise you, you know, this beautiful geyser that I'm working with.
00:53:04.540 And he did that, Mr. Larry.
00:53:06.820 And that's kind of the same thing, I think, with what this caller is saying that, you know, if there's some competition, that there's competition in the works.
00:53:14.700 And that you get that better sperm count, your body just knows intrinsically, oh, okay, you know, there's other, you know, there's other oysters here trying to pearl out.
00:53:28.120 You know, so I'm going to have to put a little more sand up under my lip, you know.
00:53:32.660 You know, they just, you're nuts know that it's trying to, it's time to, it's time to full moon.
00:53:39.340 You know, you can't be showing up with no crescent.
00:53:42.620 You know, on Halloween, you can't be showing up with no crescent.
00:53:46.040 You know, and on Halloween, you got to show up with that full moon.
00:53:50.480 And you got to fire off decent sperm count.
00:53:52.460 And that's what's happening.
00:53:53.200 So thank you.
00:53:53.660 That's interesting.
00:53:54.200 I didn't know about that at all.
00:53:56.120 I didn't know about that at all.
00:53:57.180 But that makes sense, you know.
00:53:58.880 And that's what I'm saying, man. 1.00
00:54:00.940 It's all the fucking people are fucking out there. 1.00
00:54:04.200 People have this thing inside of them that wants to dive out of their body. 1.00
00:54:08.200 Everybody got that Greg Louganis just hiding at the base of their wainers.
00:54:12.980 Trying to dive out of them.
00:54:15.940 And that's dead.
00:54:16.620 That's a little bit of the devil, man.
00:54:18.920 And that's a little bit of the Lord.
00:54:21.000 And that's where your job is.
00:54:23.240 You have to be your own referee.
00:54:27.480 You know, what's going to pass through these gates right now?
00:54:30.880 Am I sitting here in this next spray?
00:54:33.060 Is this for me?
00:54:33.940 Or who is this for?
00:54:35.960 Is this something that's proper?
00:54:38.620 You know?
00:54:39.460 Or is this just something that's just a bad habit?
00:54:42.840 You know?
00:54:44.640 Are you creating something beautiful?
00:54:46.400 Or are you just nipping into the neck of another Viette? 1.00
00:54:52.020 You got to ask yourself this stuff, man.
00:54:54.440 Because everybody, it's your own journey.
00:54:57.360 Everybody, it's your own journey.
00:55:00.520 So, let's take another call right here, man.
00:55:03.000 We just got a few.
00:55:03.840 We're not taking a very long episode today.
00:55:06.220 I also want to tell you, you can go to Theovan.com.
00:55:10.260 We got some shirts on there you can grab.
00:55:12.120 We'll have a new Onward shirt that will be going up this week.
00:55:15.700 Won't be until later in the week.
00:55:19.120 And we got a guest producer that's been helping out today, Chris.
00:55:23.500 So, I'm very grateful to him.
00:55:24.860 I want to express gratitude to him.
00:55:26.980 Thank you.
00:55:27.600 I want to express gratitude to my boy, Sherb.
00:55:31.560 Who, I don't know if I read Sherb's text the other day, man.
00:55:34.300 But it just, it was like the craziest thing that ever happened, man.
00:55:38.000 You know, he didn't know he was getting paid this whole time.
00:55:40.060 And here he'd been helping me out the whole time.
00:55:43.980 If I didn't read those, I'll read them next week.
00:55:46.860 But you can check that out.
00:55:47.960 You can grab the two albums that are out there.
00:55:49.720 30 Pound Bag of Hamster Bones and Musket Fire.
00:55:52.780 You can grab that album as well.
00:55:54.520 That's early satire.
00:55:56.060 As well, you can check out the special on Netflix.
00:55:57.920 Netflix.com.
00:55:59.220 Give it a thumbs up.
00:56:01.120 Or whatever you have to give it.
00:56:02.600 Let's get that thing back into the rotation. 1.00
00:56:05.080 You know, you got to support stuff that you like.
00:56:08.180 And you have to do it online.
00:56:10.000 And I know it sounds cheesy, but that's how guys get other opportunities.
00:56:14.040 That's how they do it.
00:56:15.820 I want you to support other podcasts as well.
00:56:19.400 I want you to know that I appreciate you guys' support as well.
00:56:24.120 A lot of great calls that came in this week.
00:56:26.120 We had some calls, too, about the Oregon thing.
00:56:27.900 You know, they had the guy that called in from Oregon.
00:56:30.240 And I might address that again in the future.
00:56:32.280 Some of you guys know what I'm talking about.
00:56:33.280 Some of you guys don't.
00:56:35.840 But I just haven't gotten around to kind of putting it together right.
00:56:38.720 And I'm still kind of thinking about some of my own thoughts on it.
00:56:41.300 Let's hear another call right here.
00:56:43.740 Yo, what up, Theo?
00:56:44.820 This is your boy, Luke, from California.
00:56:47.260 What's up, Luke?
00:56:48.260 Onward.
00:56:48.540 I just wanted to get your opinion on some things that have been going on in my life.
00:56:57.360 I've been a victim of the dark arts these last couple years.
00:57:02.840 I'm married.
00:57:03.800 I have a kid.
00:57:05.580 You know, and I love my wife.
00:57:06.880 I love my kids.
00:57:08.000 I love my kid.
00:57:08.520 But, like, I always really had trouble being monogamous, you know, in my relationships.
00:57:17.440 And it's not for any, you know, it's not because I don't love them or nothing.
00:57:21.420 I don't know.
00:57:22.200 I just, there's just something in me, bro, like, that I just can't, you know. 0.99
00:57:28.180 Like, I always have to be trying to have sex with other girls and shit. 0.99
00:57:32.040 Man, well, I appreciate you sending this call in, man. 0.99
00:57:39.800 Let's hear a little bit more, and then I'll see if I can share anything from my own life experience.
00:57:44.140 Thank you for calling.
00:57:45.540 I don't know.
00:57:46.860 I stopped beating myself up about it. 0.99
00:57:49.840 You know, I tried looking into, like, the biology of, like, fucking, you know, like, human biology and shit and, you know, other animals. 0.99
00:57:59.900 See if this shit's natural or what. 0.99
00:58:01.520 Like, are we supposed to be monogamous as human beings? 1.00
00:58:04.860 Am I going against my instincts and shit, you know? 0.98
00:58:09.120 I don't know, but I just wanted to get your opinion on it. 0.98
00:58:15.140 Well, I appreciate you calling, man.
00:58:16.540 I can certainly relate, you know.
00:58:18.500 I'm just hoping these cameras aren't running out of video in here.
00:58:23.840 But I can certainly relate.
00:58:27.180 I can certainly relate to that, you know.
00:58:29.220 Having, you know, I don't have a wife and a child, you know, so that's intense.
00:58:34.000 Because then you're really, at that point, you're locking in, you know.
00:58:38.140 But I know that struggle of how I've been in significant relationships before and not been able to,
00:58:44.980 and not been able to be committed at all, you know.
00:58:52.600 And I don't even know why.
00:58:56.020 You know, I loved, you know, I loved the woman that I was with.
00:59:00.540 But there was just something wrong with me where nothing was enough.
00:59:06.000 That's what I know now is that nothing was enough.
00:59:10.400 And that women or the affection of women was this weird addiction that I just had to have.
00:59:17.380 You know, and it sounds like you said communicating with other women.
00:59:21.660 You said, you know, having, you know, sexual experiences with other women, that sort of thing.
00:59:27.160 But, you know, you did say communicating.
00:59:30.640 Let me go back and listen one more time right here.
00:59:32.840 But, like, I always really had trouble being monogamous, you know, in my relationships.
00:59:38.580 And it's not for any, you know, it's not because I don't love them or nothing.
00:59:43.700 I don't know.
00:59:44.460 I just, there's just something in me, bro, like, that I just can't, you know. 0.99
00:59:50.440 Like, I always have to be trying to have sex with other girls and shit. 0.99
00:59:55.160 Yeah. 1.00
00:59:56.160 Yeah, you always have to be.
00:59:57.880 And that, you know what it sounds like, man? 0.95
00:59:59.220 It sounds like, because you could take out, you could change sex with women with anything. 0.75
01:00:04.840 You know, always have to be drinking.
01:00:06.820 You know, I always have to be thinking negatively about myself.
01:00:11.180 You know, I always have to be feeling like I'm less than.
01:00:17.460 You could change it with anything.
01:00:18.800 You could replace it with anything.
01:00:20.760 And at some points, I think that that, it's just a, it's an addictive behavior.
01:00:26.180 You know, sometimes we have, we can have these isms inside of us, these behaviors inside of us that, that just come out.
01:00:32.420 You know, and for me, mine would be, you know, drug use or flirting with other women. 1.00
01:00:36.660 I mean, I just told you that I've been through, you know, similar experiences with that for sure.
01:00:42.180 And it's just like, it's just a, you know, you say you don't even want to do it, but you just can't even help it.
01:00:48.680 And at that point, that's when, for myself, I noticed, well, this is a sickness that I have.
01:00:56.900 This is an affliction.
01:00:58.980 This isn't always a choice that I'm making.
01:01:01.380 It's like something, it's like something that I can't control.
01:01:05.760 And when you can't control it, when you're trying to, when you don't want to be doing something and you are still doing it, for me, that's when I noticed that it's, it's something that's out of my control.
01:01:18.480 It's something that I need help with.
01:01:20.540 And how you can get help with it, you know, from experiences of my own, you can go to SAA meetings.
01:01:28.480 That's a Sex Addicts Anonymous.
01:01:30.700 S-L-A-A, Sex and Love Addicts Anonymous.
01:01:33.140 You can just go to AA meetings because in the end, it's not even about, you know, your alcohol, your drug could be the need to, to get attention, intimate and just even verbal from other women.
01:01:51.840 Because that's a sickness, man.
01:01:53.960 That's a sickness.
01:01:55.560 You know, it's good.
01:01:56.440 It's fine.
01:01:56.940 If you're not, of course, look, if you're not in a relationship, it's fine.
01:02:00.160 You're out there living, you're out there sowing seeds, you know, you're out there John Deering, you know, digging holes in that dirt.
01:02:08.600 You know what I'm saying?
01:02:09.520 You know, hoping something sprouts out.
01:02:12.680 That's natural.
01:02:14.320 You know, you lay in soil, you lay in cotton, you lay in Milo, you got that corn, you got them beets, you're putting it all in the ground.
01:02:22.740 But if you have a family, like you're saying, then you're, something's heavier.
01:02:25.400 And for me, it's just that, it goes back to, for me, that type of behavior goes back to, I believe anyway, some emptiness that I felt just that women rejected me or didn't want me.
01:02:43.520 And it could go back to when I was very young, something that happened that I don't even remember.
01:02:47.160 You know, it could go back to just something that could have been happening, you know, in junior high when I was really young, elementary school and junior high, you know, I was not attractive, attractive to women.
01:03:00.080 And, you know, my friends always got the girls or had interest from the girls.
01:03:05.600 I was always the dude, like carrying the love letter from the girl, like to my buddy, you know.
01:03:11.600 And, you know, sometimes that stuff just does something to our insides where we can't fix it by ourself.
01:03:18.360 So you're not alone, man.
01:03:20.780 You know, you're not alone.
01:03:22.120 And if you can't beat it yourself, then that's when maybe it's not a bad idea to see if there's other ways to try and fix it.
01:03:31.000 You know, because in the end, though, you're going to have to make some decisions and just say, I can't do this type of behavior, you know.
01:03:36.680 That doesn't mean you can't still flirt.
01:03:38.760 You know, it doesn't mean you can't still be a man in ways.
01:03:41.480 But when it comes to that line where you're feeling demoralized after because you're hooking up or you're doing this or that, that's the line where you have to try and shut it down.
01:03:51.000 You know, and look, I've done some wild behaviors, man.
01:03:53.840 You know, I've definitely done some things that I'm not proud of.
01:03:57.960 I'll actually put a call on next week.
01:03:59.540 We had a caller that called in, taking me to task on a behavior of mine, and I'll put that up next week.
01:04:06.440 I'm looking forward to just sharing that, a little bit of that with you guys and trying to walk through that a little bit.
01:04:11.920 I meant to do it this week, but we're getting late in the episode.
01:04:14.000 But thanks for calling, man.
01:04:15.840 Good luck.
01:04:18.100 You know, at least you're not being hard on yourself about it.
01:04:21.180 But not being hard on yourself, that's one thing.
01:04:25.300 But not taking action to repair it, you know, the problem might not go away.
01:04:31.380 And it doesn't sound like it is.
01:04:32.740 So, you know, I don't want to tell you what to do, but, you know, if I have a problem and it doesn't go away, then I have to do something to help it remedy.
01:04:45.640 For me, what I do is I go to a therapist on Monday, and I go to meetings, and those things help me.
01:04:52.760 So, good luck to you, man.
01:04:54.700 Love you.
01:04:55.320 All right, let's take one more call here.
01:04:56.500 Yo, what's up, Theo?
01:04:58.040 I was just listening to your most recent podcast.
01:05:00.940 You were talking about that dude who, you know, is pornography cheating, and he wanted to get, you know, some other guy to come drill his wife and all that.
01:05:08.280 You know, as far as pornography being cheating and all, I don't really think so.
01:05:12.580 But as far as pornography as like a dark art, I really think there's something there, especially with how easy it is to watch.
01:05:20.780 Now, I'm really talking about like with young kids, like with young men.
01:05:25.940 Oh, 100% Cat Daddy.
01:05:29.100 100%. 0.82
01:05:30.140 That pornography is easy.
01:05:32.960 Think about it.
01:05:34.140 You could be looking for a box of cereal, and next thing you know, you're watching Gang Bangs.
01:05:41.040 How, how, never has there been something as insanely accessible as pornography. 0.57
01:05:49.020 It's crazy.
01:05:51.900 It's crazy how accessible it is.
01:05:56.700 I don't, if I were, I, no wonder there aren't any more 12-year-old kids playing in the front yard anymore. 0.98
01:06:02.380 They are jerking off everywhere. 0.96
01:06:05.900 There's no way. 0.98
01:06:08.760 If I were 12, dude, I remember being 12 years old or 11, going to the library, you know, and they had this, this author or something.
01:06:19.360 Peter Paul Rubens, I think was his name.
01:06:21.120 He was a paint warlord artist.
01:06:24.540 He was an artist.
01:06:25.100 And he had these artists, he'd draw these Rubenesque women laying in the bushes.
01:06:30.960 This is in like the 18th, 16th, 1700s or something.
01:06:33.980 And dude, I would crack those books open, and I would catch that bone.
01:06:37.780 You know, I'd catch that bone down between me, and I would put that bone between the books on the pictures of these ladies, you know, these voluptuous ladies. 1.00
01:06:49.060 And I would just kind of close the book against my boner until I, you know, until my boner just gave up the ghost, you know, just threw that liquid Casper up into the air.
01:07:01.040 And that's when I was out, you know, and I must have, I mean, I was tormenting, I was tormenting the 16 and 1700 art encyclopedias in the library there.
01:07:15.760 But I was just young, and that's the first look I got at that crotch, you know, and then we had later, you had to pay this boy in junior high school to dress.
01:07:23.300 He is the only one that could draw you some cooter. 0.97
01:07:24.960 He had the best drawings.
01:07:26.400 So if you want to have some cooter for the weekend, you'd have him draw you a picture of it, you know,
01:07:30.120 dropping $2, you know, $2.75, and he'd sketch up an art of some nice cooter.
01:07:36.820 But now these kids dealing with pornography, I can't even imagine.
01:07:42.980 I can't even, dude, there's no way I would just be driving to school, not watching sex on my phone, if I were 13, 14 years old.
01:07:52.520 There's no way.
01:07:54.760 So I don't see how these kids are navigating it.
01:07:57.000 And maybe they're doing it fine.
01:07:58.200 Maybe it's just like in Europe where it's like, you know, just because you can drink doesn't mean you do, you know, doesn't mean there's a million car accidents.
01:08:05.680 I was in Canada this weekend.
01:08:07.220 They can drink at 18.
01:08:09.400 You know, I didn't notice a ton of kids just, you know, you know, crashing cars and, you know, constantly ruining their lives.
01:08:18.220 They might have a problem, but I didn't hear anything about it.
01:08:20.260 Maybe it's one of those things where, you know, kids are taking care of it better, where they're a little bit more conscientious.
01:08:28.220 I don't know.
01:08:29.180 You know, I've got to look into that and see what some of the effects are of this pornography on young people.
01:08:32.960 But where do I even find accurate information about it?
01:08:36.740 I mean, how dare I read a news article? 1.00
01:08:39.740 That shit is. 1.00
01:08:40.320 Come on. 1.00
01:08:40.720 It's crazy.
01:08:43.280 I just have no idea what's going on anymore.
01:08:45.160 But it's also kind of freeing. 0.98
01:08:47.740 Knowing the news is just juggling bullshit. 0.96
01:08:51.080 It's kind of freeing, isn't it? 0.96
01:08:52.640 Oh, we don't know what's happening.
01:08:54.800 No one is going to tell the truth anymore.
01:08:57.140 Thank God.
01:08:59.160 Good.
01:08:59.520 Because I think you've got to get to the bottom of something before you can see what's there.
01:09:07.360 You know?
01:09:07.740 You've got to get to the bottom of something before you can see what's there.
01:09:10.900 Because you can't see what you can't see.
01:09:14.160 But I appreciate you guys calling, man.
01:09:15.820 This has been, you know, I didn't know what tonight's episode was.
01:09:18.520 Sometimes I don't even know what to talk about or what to get into.
01:09:21.900 But I feel blessed that I have the ability to come here and share some time with you guys.
01:09:26.520 Let's take this one last call.
01:09:27.920 Hey, brother.
01:09:28.340 How you doing, man?
01:09:29.100 It's Christian here calling in from Dublin.
01:09:31.540 Just wanted to call and say, you know, again, thank you for sharing your thoughts and your issues with relationships.
01:09:38.960 And, you know, I kind of relate to it, man. 0.99
01:09:42.500 It's kind of fucked up. 0.97
01:09:43.800 But I find what I do a lot of the time is I end up going for these girls that I know I'm not going to have a meaningful connection with. 0.99
01:09:52.380 Because it's safer.
01:09:53.960 I don't have to deal with actually connecting with them.
01:09:57.160 And ultimately, you know, dealing with loss or dealing with rejection or.
01:10:04.060 Yeah, 100%.
01:10:05.080 I appreciate you calling, man.
01:10:06.220 And I actually put the call in because I want to hear that accent, man. 0.87
01:10:08.820 Something just takes you back where you want to just damn turn into Sean William Scott or.
01:10:13.680 Who is it? 0.88
01:10:15.060 No, not Sean William Scott.
01:10:16.260 That's the guy from dudes.
01:10:17.520 Dudes.
01:10:17.920 Where's my cars?
01:10:19.200 This is William Wallace.
01:10:21.740 You know.
01:10:22.680 Are you not with your country?
01:10:27.020 William Wallace.
01:10:27.720 And he, but yeah, you're right, man.
01:10:32.000 You know.
01:10:32.420 Yeah, you don't want to jump.
01:10:33.400 You don't want to jump in.
01:10:34.980 You don't want to.
01:10:35.760 There's, I think there's a lot going on.
01:10:37.180 One is, you know, there's so much access these days to, you know, to other women. 0.99
01:10:46.400 Two is, yeah, you don't want to.
01:10:48.000 We don't want to grow up.
01:10:49.500 Getting married, committing ourselves.
01:10:51.160 It's growing up.
01:10:52.040 It's giving up.
01:10:53.360 You know, three is, you know, we're afraid.
01:10:57.060 You know, maybe we have weird relationships with our mothers who don't even know how to treat women. 1.00
01:11:01.620 You know.
01:11:04.400 And four is, I think some of us, you know, we just want to live.
01:11:08.160 We have this thing like we want to live forever.
01:11:09.640 And if we do things that make us grow up or that seem like that grownups do or that, you know, getting married, starting to have a family, those types of things.
01:11:19.060 Being committed.
01:11:21.120 Promising your affections.
01:11:22.840 Loving someone.
01:11:23.660 If we do those types of things and really do them, then it feels like we're giving up a piece of our immortality.
01:11:33.260 If that makes any sense.
01:11:35.000 And I'm not trying to sound egomaniacal with that, but I'm just trying to sound like some stuff I'm thinking about.
01:11:41.540 Those are the things I'm thinking about, man.
01:11:43.320 Lay off the ranch dressing.
01:11:44.560 Huh?
01:11:44.780 How about that?
01:11:45.320 If somebody gets you a keg of ranch dressing, question who they are, you know. 1.00
01:11:51.440 Or fuck it. 1.00
01:11:52.160 Paint your house with the shit, you know. 1.00
01:11:54.580 Damn. 1.00
01:11:55.020 I love being over here. 0.99
01:11:58.480 What color is that?
01:12:01.020 Huh?
01:12:02.340 Remoulade?
01:12:03.160 What color is that?
01:12:05.440 Italian?
01:12:06.680 I love it.
01:12:08.540 I love you guys, man.
01:12:09.720 Be good.
01:12:10.440 Take care of yourselves.
01:12:11.800 I will see you guys next week.
01:12:14.980 We may do a Thursday episode.
01:12:16.300 We may not.
01:12:16.860 I'm going to throw some stuff up on Patreon for the Patreoners.
01:12:20.140 Thank you guys.
01:12:22.040 And happy holidays.
01:12:24.560 Start the season now.
01:12:25.980 Start the season now.
01:12:28.460 Get in your car. 1.00
01:12:29.480 Turn on the fucking Christmas carols. 1.00
01:12:30.820 No one's going to be mad with the Christmas carols going. 1.00
01:12:33.480 Nobody.
01:12:34.200 Promise you.
01:12:34.920 You can't be furious with rocking around.
01:12:39.040 Silver round.
01:12:41.840 Figure it out.
01:12:42.840 I'm going to try to.
01:12:43.900 Thanks for helping me get through it.
01:12:44.980 You guys be good, happy, whatever it is to you today.
01:12:48.600 Birthday, Monday, Wednesday, Thursday.
01:12:50.640 Nothing.
01:12:51.660 Funeral.
01:12:52.600 I'm going to go watch funerals on the internet.
01:12:54.640 Love you.
01:12:55.020 Be good to yourselves because you probably deserve it.
01:13:12.020 Celebrate living.
01:13:14.980 Celebrate misery.
01:13:18.600 Ladies and gentlemen, I'm Jonathan Kite and welcome to Kite Club.
01:13:22.060 A podcast where I'll be sharing thoughts on things like current events, stand-up stories,
01:13:27.300 and seven ways to pleasure your partner.
01:13:29.820 The answer may shock you.
01:13:31.540 Sometimes I'll interview my friends.
01:13:33.600 Sometimes I won't.
01:13:35.120 And as always, I'll be joined by the voices in my head.
01:13:38.220 You have three new voice messages.
01:13:40.820 A lot of people are talking about Kite Club.
01:13:44.140 I've been talking about Kite Club for so long.
01:13:46.820 Longer than anybody else.
01:13:48.480 So great.
01:13:49.840 Hi.
01:13:50.440 Swee-ah. 0.97
01:13:51.460 Easy deal. 1.00
01:13:52.740 Anyone who doesn't listen to Kite Club is a dodgy bloody wanker. 1.00
01:13:56.720 Jermaine. 0.99
01:13:57.300 I'll take a quarter pounder with cheese and a McFlurry.
01:14:01.780 Sorry, sir, but our ice cream machine is broken.
01:14:03.880 Oh, no.
01:14:06.220 I think Tom Hanks just butt-dialed me.
01:14:08.580 Anyway, first rule of Kite Club is, tell everyone about Kite Club.
01:14:12.760 Second rule of Kite Club is, tell everyone about Kite Club.
01:14:16.980 Third rule.
01:14:17.920 Like and subscribe wherever you listen to podcasts.
01:14:20.620 Or watch us on YouTube, yeah?
01:14:22.340 And yes, don't worry, my Brad Pitt impression will get better.