This Past Weekend with Theo Von - 3-06-17 ｜ This Past Weekend #12

00:00:00.620 What's up? What's up, you little Guatemalans? Huh? You little crispy Yamaguchis? How you 1.00

00:00:08.040 feeling, huh? Huh? You ever done an eight ball at a Bass Pro Shop and played Adele's

00:00:15.280 Hello on a duck call? You ever done that? You ever emptied a bunch of ice trays on the

00:00:21.920 kitchen floor and made snow angels at the house? You ever done that? Get all wet? Get

00:00:28.200 your back wet? Well, dry off, bruh. Dry off. Cause this is This Past Weekend. This

00:00:35.800 Past Weekend.

00:00:37.800 Drop! Who wants a drink from daddy? 1.00

00:00:43.520 Buy this album right now in stores. 30 pounds of hamster bones.

00:00:48.840 Hamster. Hamster. Hamster. Hamster. Hamster. Hamster. Hamster. Hamster. Hamster. I got

00:00:56.420 house in Luana. I got a truck like I'm Santa. 30 pounds is a scam. Give him a name that is

00:01:01.920 Rhino. Judas Fultz. Hamsters. Ecstasy. Don't get these mammals. Tattin' them up like I'm 0.95

00:01:06.880 back. He's like you're a bliss in the sun. Green Day. Cheryl's name. Random. Tiny bones.

00:01:13.600 Hand him. The E's. Hand him. Who wants a drink from your daddy? Terramping off, drip me in transit. 1.00

00:01:18.700 All right, welcome, welcome, welcome to this past weekend.

00:01:32.580 It is Monday, March 6th.

00:01:35.420 I want to thank everybody who purchased the new album, 30 Pounds of Hamster Bones, got

00:01:41.280 us to number two on the iTunes comedy charts.

00:01:44.220 Really exciting.

00:01:46.540 It's about 2 a.m.

00:01:47.940 It's Monday morning, Monday, March 6th, 19, 2017.

00:01:54.560 You know, I'm always about a century behind.

00:01:58.400 Just got back from Bremerton, Bremerton, Washington.

00:02:02.580 So anybody who came out to the show last night, I appreciate it.

00:02:05.920 I had a nice time, kind of a naval town, not the body part, just the service.

00:02:13.480 So a lot of people there in the service, I understand.

00:02:15.780 We had a good crowd.

00:02:17.540 They had about 500 there at the theater.

00:02:20.080 And all ages, all ages, man.

00:02:22.840 They had some, you know, some children in there.

00:02:25.220 And I feel like we really made the most of it.

00:02:27.140 So I want to thank everybody that came out.

00:02:29.400 Thank you.

00:02:30.140 Thank you very much.

00:02:31.300 If you haven't got the album, that's what I was playing right there.

00:02:35.320 It's a new video.

00:02:36.380 You can check it out on the YouTube as well.

00:02:38.600 I made it with Simon Rex, guest stars in it.

00:02:41.320 Your boy Dirt Nasty.

00:02:44.560 And it's just fun.

00:02:45.580 It's like a play on Designer's Panda and his Hamster.

00:02:49.600 Hamster.

00:02:49.960 So check out the album.

00:02:52.660 Check out that video.

00:02:54.420 And good to be here.

00:02:57.640 Let me touch base with what's been going on, man.

00:03:00.460 We did the JRE podcast.

00:03:02.680 Joe Rogan Experience, if you didn't check it out.

00:03:07.540 I was excited, man.

00:03:09.140 I was excited to get to do it.

00:03:12.000 Joe and I don't know each other very well.

00:03:13.980 I don't know him very well.

00:03:15.220 So I was a little nervous, but we had a nice time.

00:03:20.960 And I felt like I got to know him a little bit better.

00:03:24.180 Really smart guy.

00:03:25.080 He knows so much.

00:03:26.400 And it was inspiring, man.

00:03:27.900 It was inspiring just to be able to have a conversation with somebody.

00:03:32.040 I mean, L.A. to me is the loneliest place.

00:03:35.320 You're in your car a lot.

00:03:37.240 Your best friend is a coffee.

00:03:38.640 You know, a lot of people don't date because it's not geographically desirable.

00:03:46.480 You know, I mean, whenever you meet a girl or a guy, you ask them where they live.

00:03:50.600 And if it's not in a convenient area, then the love ends right there.

00:03:55.140 The love stops at the gas money.

00:03:57.540 Really, you know.

00:04:00.540 And it reminds, makes me think about incest.

00:04:02.760 Like back in the day, you know, some places incest is more popular. 0.99

00:04:07.240 But I think, like, if you lived in a rural area, in about, if you walked even, you know, eight miles, you might only come across family, you know, back in the day.

00:04:21.200 So I think in some rural areas, you're more likely to have incest because, hell, you go for a jog, even a long run looking for love.

00:04:29.700 The best you might find is a cousin in the distance, you know, maybe a distant cousin.

00:04:36.140 Maybe that's where the term came from.

00:04:38.280 And that's how I think a lot of incest really probably popped off back in the day. 0.83

00:04:44.520 You might only meet people at family reunions or at funerals.

00:04:48.620 So I think it was a little more popular.

00:04:52.200 It was a proximity thing.

00:04:54.340 Whereas in a city, you're usually more likely to bump into people that aren't of the same bloodline.

00:05:01.320 So I think in a city, you're less likely to have incest.

00:05:06.720 But definitely it should be, I don't know if it should be a crime.

00:05:09.620 It should be frowned upon.

00:05:11.280 You know, I think these days, there's no excuse for not getting outside of your comfort zone.

00:05:18.100 Even if, you know, and that's way too comfortable.

00:05:21.880 You know, if you're, you know, winking at somebody across the room at a family get-together,

00:05:28.560 that's just because you don't know them doesn't make it, you know, Christian or right.

00:05:35.300 You know, so, yeah, so I've always had that thought.

00:05:39.120 But, um, bestiality, that's another crazy thing.

00:05:43.620 I'm thinking about, you know, sexuality right now, I guess.

00:05:47.480 Um, and I've always thought that, yeah, bestiality with small animals, taboo. 1.00

00:05:54.580 But you get out there and you, you fuck a leopard? 1.00

00:05:58.980 Is that bestiality or is that pretty much the dopest shit you could do, you know? 1.00

00:06:07.000 Like, you catch a hyena or a lynx? 1.00

00:06:11.580 Dude, you fuck a lynx and put that on YouTube? 1.00

00:06:15.080 You'll never buy a drink again at a bar. 1.00

00:06:17.080 That's for damn sure, dude.

00:06:18.880 So, I think incest laws keep them in place. 1.00

00:06:23.840 But some of these bestiality things, they should fine-tune a little bit of it.

00:06:28.520 You know, I catch some dudes snuggling up with a lab, you know, or even a black lab or, um, you know, even a sheep or a livestock animal. 0.99

00:06:38.240 That's fucking cheap. 1.00

00:06:39.860 You know, that's dirty. 0.99

00:06:40.920 But I catch somebody, you know, dropping a YouTube video of them, you know, making love to a, to a, to a, you know, a caribou?

00:06:55.800 That's a hero.

00:06:57.500 That dude's a hero in my book.

00:07:00.840 Yeah, I want to thank everybody for supporting the album, man.

00:07:03.640 It's really great.

00:07:04.780 Um, the past week, for me, this past, last week wasn't good, man.

00:07:10.300 I was, I got down in the dumps, dude.

00:07:12.200 I just, I don't know what was going on.

00:07:14.080 I was, I was just hating myself.

00:07:16.080 I got down in the dumps.

00:07:17.460 And I know that's kind of a recurring theme, I guess, with me.

00:07:20.580 But I got down in the dumps.

00:07:22.280 I just, I was judging myself a lot.

00:07:26.320 I was stuck in my head with my thoughts.

00:07:29.460 Um, and I think part of that comes from just being here in LA.

00:07:32.880 You spend a lot of time by yourself.

00:07:36.560 You know, like, people think that comedians, that it's this glorious life.

00:07:39.960 We're around a million people.

00:07:41.300 But during the day, I'm taking care of my life and my business.

00:07:45.740 Um, and in the evening, I'm on stage.

00:07:49.080 But a lot of people that are at the shows are on dates.

00:07:52.960 You know, a comedy club is like a date event.

00:07:54.920 So a lot of people there is on dates.

00:07:57.740 And you don't, you're not, you know, I'm not the kind of guy that can really bust into a date and change the game.

00:08:05.740 You know, and peel a date off, peel a woman off of their man if they're out with a man. 1.00

00:08:10.740 And so, I'm more of a casual guy.

00:08:14.240 I got to meet somebody.

00:08:15.380 And I did meet this girl also who's Nicaraguan a while back.

00:08:19.000 And we swapped numbers.

00:08:20.340 But, um, but she lives in another state. 0.95

00:08:23.900 And we don't really keep in touch.

00:08:25.960 So, yeah.

00:08:27.280 So it's tough, man.

00:08:28.120 It's a tough city, Los Angeles.

00:08:30.080 If you really want to find some love.

00:08:33.000 But, yeah.

00:08:33.820 That's how I felt, man.

00:08:34.840 I just started feeling down on myself.

00:08:37.000 And I know that I got to get some of these things fixed inside of me.

00:08:42.360 Um, these things that make me feel less than when I am by myself.

00:08:48.640 Because if I'm not feeling good, I can't, you know, I've touched on this the past few weeks.

00:08:53.100 I can't expect somebody else to feel that for me.

00:08:58.380 You know, I can't think, oh, well, when I meet, you know,

00:09:01.940 Marguerite or when I meet Cheryl, that I'm going to be, that's when I'll be the happiest.

00:09:07.420 I got to find a way to be the happiest, uh, now.

00:09:11.400 And be the most comfortable with myself now.

00:09:15.320 Um, if you got a chance to check out the Joe Rogan experience that I was on, I was,

00:09:19.060 I was definitely excited.

00:09:20.340 I mean, these days, that's a, you know, it's a neat thing, uh, to be a part of.

00:09:24.800 Because, you know, he has so many fans.

00:09:27.880 And, and he has just such a breadth of knowledge of different stuff.

00:09:31.500 And, um, and he's a big guy, so there's intimidation there in that sense.

00:09:36.660 Uh, but I was excited, man.

00:09:38.800 Him and, uh, Jamie that produces over there.

00:09:41.840 Uh, it was just neat.

00:09:43.080 It was nice to just spend some time with, with another man just chatting about stuff.

00:09:49.880 Um, and we talked a little bit about my father.

00:09:53.300 I talk about that a lot on here.

00:09:55.820 Um, I never really had a lot of that, that man leadership in my life.

00:10:03.060 I never really had much of a mentor.

00:10:05.480 I mean, my father, you know, because of his age, he, uh, he, I mean, I remember my father

00:10:12.580 would borrow money from me, you know, and I was making allowance money.

00:10:16.140 You know, I was making, maybe if I was lucky, maybe four or five dollars a week.

00:10:20.440 And I was a saver.

00:10:21.620 I would save my money and I collected small items that I would find.

00:10:25.940 And I was really a little bit of a hoarder.

00:10:28.260 And I used to buy little pieces of quartz and stuff.

00:10:30.700 They had a lady down the street that sold, you know, quartz and magical rocks. 0.96

00:10:35.440 And I would get involved and really, I think I kept her in business for about a year and 0.97

00:10:40.620 a half, you know, and buying just different stalactite and all kinds of just shit she had 0.85

00:10:47.400 just because a lot of them, the rocks she said were magical and would make our lives better. 0.69

00:10:52.800 So I invested in a lot of that, uh, basically just betterment granite for a lack of a better term.

00:11:01.680 But I remember my father when, you know, he, he wouldn't have gas money, so he would borrow money from me.

00:11:07.080 And it probably made me not really think of him as a mentor.

00:11:13.520 Um, and he had this way of always asking me if, if he ever let me down, did I ever let you down?

00:11:19.760 And I, of course, I'd always say no, you know, because I wanted him to be happy, uh, because

00:11:26.100 I knew he was getting so old that I wanted him not to worry about me.

00:11:32.340 So that was, uh, you know, I didn't have that mentor.

00:11:35.020 I didn't have that, that, that comfortability around men.

00:11:40.440 And then my brother left off.

00:11:42.060 My brother went to live with my grandparents and dealt with some of his own demons.

00:11:46.080 And, and so I spent a lot of time by myself in that house, in that apartment with women. 0.59

00:11:52.200 Um, and, uh, and my neighborhood was dangerous.

00:11:55.860 So I just didn't develop a lot of, uh, relationships with men.

00:11:59.820 And so I think in, in weird ways, I long for that.

00:12:03.020 I long for some of that connection, you know, to be able to just spend time with another male,

00:12:07.780 um, that's non-sensual, um, and, and connect and connect, you know, and just talk and feel

00:12:16.520 like we're just fellas, you know?

00:12:20.800 And it's a wild time to be a fella, man.

00:12:22.800 It's, I feel like it's hard to be a man these days.

00:12:25.040 We don't know what it is anymore.

00:12:27.220 Um, you know, a lot of, uh, a lot of our parents now are divorced or on second and third marriages.

00:12:35.680 And so there's a lot of, you know, it's up in the air as to what it is to be a man.

00:12:41.180 Um, the old definition of men has been attacked a lot by, um, by a lot of feminist regimes and,

00:12:48.980 you know, and, um, attack, I don't want to say not lesbians, but attack lesbians and, 1.00

00:12:55.760 and soft men that don't want to, you know, uh, support or really discuss what it feels 0.97

00:13:03.560 like to be a man.

00:13:04.680 I mean, I feel like these days, if you're to get out in the wild and roar, they'll call

00:13:10.420 the police on you, you know, and the cops show up, you're like, what are you doing?

00:13:14.920 I'm just trying to access my manhood. 1.00

00:13:18.980 You know, I'm trying to fucking turn my insides into a damn fight club. 0.99

00:13:24.060 I'm trying to be whatever it means to be a man. 1.00

00:13:28.400 You know, in adult men, uh, I've talked about this before, but adult men are committing suicide 0.78

00:13:33.820 at an all time high, man.

00:13:36.080 So, you know, it's a, it's a tough time to be a man, but I'm still out here trying.

00:13:41.840 I think last week I fell off a bit and got a little in the dumps.

00:13:44.800 Um, but when that happens to me, what I try to do is I try and think about, uh, somebody

00:13:54.320 who's less fortunate than me.

00:13:55.940 I remember when I was young, they had this boy in our neighborhood named, uh, Thundercat,

00:14:01.380 TJ.

00:14:02.660 They call him TJ.

00:14:03.960 I don't know what the J stood for, but the T stood for, uh, Thundercat and they would call

00:14:08.160 him Thunder.

00:14:08.660 And he, uh, he was born with some deficiencies.

00:14:12.800 He had hair just growing directly out of his face, you know, like one of those, you know,

00:14:19.120 uh, almost just like the dark arts had just almost like he was just one of his parents 0.99

00:14:25.720 was fucking carpet. 0.89

00:14:26.720 You know, he just had this kind of wolf boy, sort of wookie kind of thing, just growing 0.99

00:14:34.920 directly out of his face, his hair.

00:14:36.580 And, and that was, that was alarming to people.

00:14:40.420 And somebody said that he was going to die and they, somebody said it loud and I think

00:14:47.280 they said it in church.

00:14:48.180 And so they convinced enough people in our area that he was going to die.

00:14:52.980 So he got to quit school, um, and his parents bought him a little truck, little Ford Ranger,

00:15:00.320 and he just drove it in his backyard.

00:15:03.120 They had a small backyard, but large enough to drive a truck around in.

00:15:07.600 And I remember waiting at the bus stop near his home and, uh, and he'd just be missing

00:15:14.400 school.

00:15:14.840 They let him smoke Winston cigarettes and he would be back in his yard, little Thunder,

00:15:19.780 just driving this truck, you know, as a child, as a, you know, uh, just a real hairy kind

00:15:27.540 of child.

00:15:28.160 And before that, I remember the girls at school would always brush him and brush his hair.

00:15:32.740 And they kind of took to him, championed him as like a little bit of an Oracle, you know,

00:15:38.660 uh, and we all did a little bit.

00:15:40.680 I, I remember I used to sneak over by the fence cause his family had a chain link fence and

00:15:46.240 I would sneak over there and give him, uh, sliced peaches, feed him sliced peaches through

00:15:50.900 the fence, you know, um, keep him hydrated and stuff like that.

00:15:56.380 And he, uh, and he would just smoke cigarettes and listen to, uh, Fugees, uh, killing me softly. 1.00

00:16:04.480 He was listening to a lot.

00:16:05.580 He had a couple of tracks there in the truck.

00:16:07.400 Uh, and, uh, remember, uh, blind melon, he listened to some blind melon there.

00:16:13.860 Um, and they thought he was going to die.

00:16:16.020 So, and the reason why he got to not even go to school was because so he could die at

00:16:20.920 home, you know, they wanted him to have some peace and he didn't have to, you know, struggle

00:16:25.740 with all his lessons and, you know, spelling and all of that, because you're not going to

00:16:30.520 need that if you're dying and he, uh, he never did die.

00:16:36.020 Um, his mother had varicose veins. 0.96

00:16:38.480 I remember when she died and the daddy, this is how they used to make money.

00:16:42.140 The daddy used to do slipping falls at pizza huts and he would sue him and he would get

00:16:48.480 that money and get that check.

00:16:51.400 And, uh, and he died.

00:16:53.440 The father died doing slipping falls.

00:16:55.380 He was working the circuit one year and I think he was near like Sarasota, Florida.

00:17:00.520 And he died.

00:17:01.500 He split his head open on a salad bar, uh, out there, you know, doing his craft or his

00:17:08.980 work or whatever it was, scamming, you know, scamming.

00:17:12.200 But I remember a lot of times when I would feel down in the dumps as a child, I would think

00:17:15.880 about him, uh, and what his life was going to be like and what his walk through the world

00:17:22.920 was probably like.

00:17:25.660 Um, cause he kept a good attitude, even though he had this affliction and even

00:17:30.500 though he, as far as everybody was concerned, was destined for, for death, maybe heaven.

00:17:37.300 Hopefully a child, you know, you'd like to think that most children go to heaven, but

00:17:41.940 yeah, that was, uh, that was thunder.

00:17:44.520 And I, yeah, he did.

00:17:45.280 He, he last I heard he lived, he was still alive.

00:17:48.340 Um, so anyhow, uh, you know, when, when I get down in the dumps, sometimes I like to think

00:17:54.200 of, of somebody that's having a tougher time than I am.

00:17:57.440 Uh, I want to appreciate everybody that called in as well.

00:18:00.060 We got some good calls, uh, some basic life suggestions.

00:18:04.760 And I want to offer that out to anybody, you know, if you need somebody, if you need a

00:18:09.120 friend, you're, you need rural or urban advice.

00:18:12.580 That's what I like to refer to it as, because that's what I feel like I can help with.

00:18:16.800 Uh, you can call in to the number.

00:18:19.360 It's on my Twitter and it's on my Instagrams and, uh, it's a nine eight five number to voicemail.

00:18:25.140 You can leave a voicemail and I will, uh, I'll get to that and address any of those issues

00:18:30.820 or any thoughts or questions people have.

00:18:33.240 And I have some today, actually, I'm going to get to a few, uh, right here.

00:18:38.480 And if you're on the YouTubes, if you're watching this on the YouTubes, you can see, um, that I

00:18:43.380 got a desk now and a little bit more of an environment here.

00:18:46.500 Uh, and eventually we might get call people to call in, but right now we're just dealing

00:18:51.080 with things as they come.

00:18:54.460 So I'm trying to keep my spirits up right now.

00:18:56.680 That's my goal.

00:18:58.220 Um, and I want to thank everybody that came out in Seattle because that really did.

00:19:01.580 It made me feel pretty good.

00:19:03.400 Uh, but I'm going to get into some questions here, man.

00:19:05.980 I'm gonna let you know, uh, some dates too that I got coming up, but first let's crack

00:19:10.540 into, uh, into some questions here.

00:19:14.400 See if we can get this.

00:19:15.680 You guys listen up.

00:19:18.660 Yo, Theo, what's up?

00:19:20.480 It's your baby boy, Brian from Auburn, Alabama.

00:19:23.200 So I'm calling you from the deep South. 0.99

00:19:25.280 I wanted to ask you about what the fuck do you do when you're depressed and you don't 1.00

00:19:29.980 know what the fuck is going on with your life? 1.00

00:19:31.940 I'm 23. 1.00

00:19:32.960 I'm about to graduate.

00:19:34.580 All these kinds of good things are happening around me, but man, I ain't been more depressed

00:19:37.660 in my life. 0.98

00:19:38.340 And I've seen you like on this weekend, like this weekend and all that shit. 0.97

00:19:43.200 And I saw you were going through a hard patch now and I was going through a hard patch and 0.94

00:19:47.860 I just kind of want to hear, you know, what do you do to kind of see the brightness when

00:19:51.580 you're standing in dark, man?

00:19:53.420 Be well.

00:19:53.860 Thanks, Brian.

00:19:56.300 I appreciate that, man.

00:19:58.980 Um, it's, you know, it's a good question.

00:20:00.400 What do you do?

00:20:01.460 You know, I'm not, I'm not trying to get all philosophical.

00:20:03.820 What I do, uh, in the past, I didn't do anything, man.

00:20:07.660 I'll tell you that I made some poor choices.

00:20:09.560 I would lay in my bed. 0.99

00:20:10.720 I would do masturbation, you know, I would do just masturbation until I didn't even have 0.99

00:20:17.420 any feelings. 0.99

00:20:18.300 I would almost just beat my feelings out of my body, uh, via masturbation, you know? 0.98

00:20:24.700 And I started masturbation when I was young and, uh, and it persisted, man. 0.79

00:20:29.720 Even, and that's another thing about, you know, no man ever told me anything about masturbation, 0.95

00:20:34.440 man.

00:20:35.720 You know, I mean, when my father was young, he had, he'd probably on horses and who knows 0.99

00:20:39.740 what the fuck they were doing. 0.99

00:20:41.740 You know, I don't even know if they had masturbation then. 1.00

00:20:44.720 Uh, and my brother was gone.

00:20:47.060 He wasn't there.

00:20:47.680 So I learned it, you know, by watching some pornography videos and, uh, some boy beat me

00:20:54.100 up at the library one time and showed me a bunch of pictures of, um, cooter.

00:20:58.940 That's what he called it.

00:20:59.920 And he would, that boy was beating me and making me look at this, look at these pictures of cooter 1.00

00:21:05.640 that he had that were all jacked up and had been, probably just looked like they'd been

00:21:10.360 looked at so many times.

00:21:12.040 It was nasty.

00:21:15.800 But what do I do, man?

00:21:16.860 I try to find some faith these days.

00:21:18.520 I try to have faith, you know, that things will be okay.

00:21:23.400 I mean, it's, it's hard to tell a guy, I mean, you're in college, you're going through

00:21:26.720 those, you know, there's a lot going on in your life.

00:21:28.540 I bet it's busy, you know, your, your future probably seems immense.

00:21:33.420 Your possibilities probably seem endless.

00:21:36.260 Uh, but also it's probably scary if you're graduating, you're getting out of college.

00:21:40.940 I'll just tell you this, man, you got time to make some poor choices. 0.98

00:21:45.840 So even if whatever you're choosing doesn't end up being phenomenal, you can fuck up, dude. 0.98

00:21:53.540 You could start a bakery, bro. 0.97

00:21:55.100 You could start a bake, you could do French breads and, you know, baguettes and whatever 0.98

00:22:01.060 and fuck that whole industry up, dude. 0.98

00:22:04.000 You could burn the bakery down and try to get insurance money, go to jail for that for 1.00

00:22:07.760 eight years.

00:22:09.040 You get out, you're only 31.

00:22:12.360 You could then join the service, get out of that and you're only 35 and you still can 0.99

00:22:18.220 do it, you know, so you have time to kill, man. 0.96

00:22:20.460 So I just wouldn't be so hard on yourself and take a step back.

00:22:26.100 And sometimes when you're in your problems, you can't see that the reality of things is

00:22:32.720 that things are okay.

00:22:34.560 You know, sometimes you're just so caught up, like you got to do this and you got to do

00:22:38.040 that.

00:22:38.780 Sometimes the best thing to do is nothing and just realize that they, that, that by not

00:22:47.520 doing anything, you're going to be okay.

00:22:49.000 You know, take care of whatever your basic needs are and just relax, man, you know, relax.

00:22:56.740 Especially if you're in college, man, they got, you know, hot leg running around and you

00:23:00.780 could do, you know, you could experiment and do homosexuality. 0.73

00:23:05.080 You could do whatever you want and, uh, and whatever it is, you'll be able to, you know,

00:23:10.680 get through it or get past it.

00:23:12.360 Um, cause time will heal everything, man.

00:23:15.180 I promise you that dude, uh, time will hear, heal everything.

00:23:19.860 So I'd say, look at the reality, bud.

00:23:22.140 I would say, just look at the reality of things in the big scheme of things.

00:23:27.580 It's not going to be that overwhelming.

00:23:29.060 When I think back about college, the only thing I really remember is that I wish I would

00:23:33.380 have had more fun, that I wish I wouldn't have worried so much about this or that, you

00:23:37.360 know, uh, about the tests and about the, you know, um, what people thought of me.

00:23:43.440 And I just wish I'd had a good time.

00:23:45.880 I wish I had more pictures from college of me having a blast, bro.

00:23:49.800 That's what I wish.

00:23:51.440 So if I had any guidance there or thoughts or suggestions, I would say, take it easy.

00:23:57.260 Take a step back. 0.96

00:23:58.500 If, if shit feels dark, find a mentor, you know, find a, find a, you know, somebody already 0.99

00:24:04.520 graduated and talk to them, talk to, talk to somebody. 0.99

00:24:08.200 Don't go it alone.

00:24:09.240 You know, find you another man and get out there and put your feelings out there.

00:24:12.120 You know, you can't be afraid to put your feelings out there, dude.

00:24:17.080 Uh, that boy Thunder, his daddy, he used to, when I would miss the school bus, his dad would

00:24:21.720 give me a ride to school and he would even help me with my spelling words.

00:24:25.800 And he used to smoke, uh, Marlboro cigarettes and he would blow the cigarette smoke at me

00:24:31.680 while I was trying to recite my spelling.

00:24:35.560 And it's hard to, spelling is kind of hard enough.

00:24:37.880 I did well in it, but spelling, when you got smoke coming at you and in your

00:24:42.080 eyes and everything, even harder, you know, when you're trying to spell, when you're trying

00:24:47.300 to spell just being attacked by secondhand smoke, that's a real, I mean, that's some 0.79

00:24:53.940 fucking straight up Wyatt Earp. 0.91

00:24:57.200 I mean, you're the Wyatt Earp of consonants and syllables at that point. 0.96

00:25:00.480 So, um, but I remember sometimes I would share with him what was going on because even if it

00:25:06.980 was just a few minutes in a car together, that was another man around that I could reach

00:25:11.160 out to for support.

00:25:12.820 So that's what I would say, man, take it easy.

00:25:15.000 Look at the reality of the situation.

00:25:16.620 Don't get caught in the, in the, in the minutiae that's right in front of you.

00:25:19.820 Look at the big picture, big picture.

00:25:21.760 You're finishing college, man.

00:25:23.540 That's a huge achievement. 1.00

00:25:25.520 Big picture is you could fuck up. 1.00

00:25:27.200 You could do your bakery and fuck it up and still be fine. 1.00

00:25:31.740 Um, you could do law school, medical, you could, you got time, bud. 0.98

00:25:36.880 So don't get too overwhelmed.

00:25:38.760 Take your time.

00:25:39.980 Take it easy, man.

00:25:41.180 That's what I would say.

00:25:42.420 Uh, what else, man?

00:25:45.100 Let's move on.

00:25:45.740 We'll move on, dude.

00:25:47.280 Um, we got Joey.

00:25:50.540 Yo, CEO.

00:25:51.660 How you doing, man?

00:25:52.760 Uh, this is Joey here from churches.

00:25:55.200 Um, got a question for you, man.

00:25:58.660 You said you, you'd fell back into the dark depths of the, of the, of the web there.

00:26:04.500 Um, whether it be on your phone or your laptop or what have you.

00:26:08.300 Um, for, uh, quick question for, for you to want to get out of that world and then fall

00:26:14.400 back into it.

00:26:15.520 What kind of categories are you clicking on, on these websites, sir?

00:26:19.880 What's your, uh, what's your favorite genre, if you will?

00:26:24.180 Um, yeah, what, what, what's your favorite playlist to ticket yourself to, if you know

00:26:29.060 what I mean?

00:26:29.620 So just, uh, just a weird kind of inquiry, I guess.

00:26:33.260 It's just, uh, like to know what my fellow man likes to look at when, uh, when he's lacking

00:26:38.800 to look at those kind of things.

00:26:40.320 You stay well, man.

00:26:41.400 It was so fun. 1.00

00:26:42.740 Uh, you're the shit too, man. 1.00

00:26:44.260 My, my phone's dead and he took a picture for me. 1.00

00:26:46.420 Thank you so much.

00:26:47.680 Safe travels, man.

00:26:48.780 And, uh, stay well, brother.

00:26:50.920 Bye-bye.

00:26:51.280 Nice, man.

00:26:54.080 Uh, yeah, I believe he came out to the shows in Denver, um, last weekend.

00:26:59.460 Um, well, yeah, I mean, I think it's interesting to ask another man what he, you know, what his

00:27:06.080 categories are in when it comes to pornography.

00:27:08.400 He's talking about pornography and I've mentioned that I've fallen back into the depths of it

00:27:12.280 and I've been trying to get out of that.

00:27:13.500 And, uh, it's scary, dude.

00:27:17.820 It's scary, um, if anybody's dealing with that, when you get into a lot of its habit and there's

00:27:26.040 a new book by Malcolm Gladwell, I think is the gentleman's name.

00:27:29.740 And it talks about habit and about triggers and about how a lot of your life you get, it's,

00:27:39.540 it's reactions to things and then falling into habits and what creates those habits and how

00:27:47.740 you have to, uh, just adjust a few simple things to create new and better habits.

00:27:52.860 Um, I'm not sure the name of that book.

00:27:56.300 I could look it up, but fucking, I'm not gonna right now, dude, you can look it up. 0.95

00:28:01.800 Um, but yeah, when it comes to pornography, I mean, 0.98

00:28:05.960 you know, it, it, I was nervous to talk to women when I was young.

00:28:14.080 I was so nervous and I don't know why.

00:28:17.680 I don't know if it's just because I never learned or nobody ever said, Hey, go talk to her.

00:28:21.600 Um, my brother was nervous around women as well.

00:28:25.240 And so I think, you know, I didn't have that, uh, I didn't have him guide me, you know?

00:28:31.100 Um, so I was so nervous that, that instead pornography, you don't have to have any interaction,

00:28:41.240 you know, you just have to interact really with yourself.

00:28:44.580 And the woman is there just, uh, um, you know, digitally or in a picture.

00:28:51.740 And so you don't, you don't, you're not really investing anything.

00:28:55.720 You don't have to put anything on the table and that can be addictive.

00:28:58.420 That can be addictive and it gets addictive quick, man.

00:29:01.660 And, you know, I started off as, you know, if the categories of porn, I mean, it's,

00:29:07.820 that stuff can escalate quickly.

00:29:09.200 You know, I mean, when I was young, it was all on pictures and drawings.

00:29:12.400 People would be drawing cooters and everything in class.

00:29:14.760 And, you know, you'd just be thinking your buddy was passing you a note and it would

00:29:19.040 be a picture of maybe a breast and a, and a, and a cooter. 1.00

00:29:24.560 And a lot of them had hair on them back then.

00:29:26.200 And, uh, they would draw the hair on them as well.

00:29:28.900 And so at least that's a little bit more, you know, uh, classy, I guess, whereas now

00:29:35.780 just the cooters are just open and it's just, you know, these cooters, some of them just

00:29:40.900 look like they're attacking and they're just angry and, or, you know, some of them look

00:29:47.160 happy.

00:29:47.700 I mean, it's just, but now you're so inundated with all of it. 0.92

00:29:51.400 You see the depths of these, you know, vaginas and these, you know, birth wallets, if you 1.00

00:29:56.980 will.

00:29:58.260 Um, so, but back in the day, you didn't see that, but yeah, it escalated, man.

00:30:02.840 I got on the video pornography.

00:30:04.740 I remember I used to ride my bike across town before video pornography.

00:30:08.280 And I knew a man that had some, some magazines and I would go wait, go and just use his bathroom. 0.99

00:30:15.440 This man, I knew he was an adult and I would just go use his bathroom and do masturbation, 0.99

00:30:20.040 man. 1.00

00:30:21.280 I'd bike about seven miles to do that.

00:30:24.640 So, so obviously my, my addiction to that started pretty early when I think back on it. 0.91

00:30:33.260 And then the internet, man, I would, you know, I would cancel dates because I would just masturbate

00:30:39.320 and I wouldn't want to have any interaction. 0.84

00:30:41.460 I'd be afraid.

00:30:42.760 And a lot of it probably came from fear of interacting with women. 0.99

00:30:46.460 Um, but yeah, it escalated.

00:30:48.620 And then, you know, you're watching the, you know, 18 and 19 year olds on there, barely

00:30:54.000 legal.

00:30:54.520 And they got the different sites and then threesomes. 1.00

00:30:58.200 And then now it's gang bangs where the lady's looking like she's, you know, just playing 1.00

00:31:03.660 like a, it's almost like a whack-a-mole with all these penises and cocks coming at her. 1.00

00:31:09.400 And, um, you know, some of it seems, it's just deviant at a certain point. 1.00

00:31:15.340 And then you got the ones where the ladies, they're doing butts, butt sex and butt activities. 1.00

00:31:21.400 And some of them, the ladies' butts are hanging open in the end. 1.00

00:31:25.580 And, you know, you can just see my cold air is getting in their butt. 0.99

00:31:29.940 And that's always scary. 0.96

00:31:31.340 I'd be worried that these women were getting sick or I'd picture them, you know, the next 1.00

00:31:36.040 day wearing a scarf or something because they got all kinds of, you know, chilly air in the

00:31:40.840 inside of their buttholes.

00:31:41.980 Um, so that stuff just escalates, man.

00:31:46.140 And, and these days we're desensitized to even just looking through Instagram.

00:31:51.360 It's like you see a couple of sexy pictures or, you know, I've had to get off of a couple

00:31:57.240 of text chains because I have friends who they just drop out some puss into the text chain 1.00

00:32:02.320 or drop out some titties, um, or some Italian titties. 0.99

00:32:06.120 I got a friend who loves, you know, big tittied Italian women. 1.00

00:32:10.440 And, and he's sending those.

00:32:12.220 And I had to tell him, dude, I don't, I don't want to be surprised.

00:32:14.700 I just, you got to work hard these days to not be desensitized, man.

00:32:20.380 And I got desensitized early and I stayed in it and I was doing good.

00:32:25.260 I had two months of not watching it, um, of pornography and I fell off last week, you

00:32:31.240 know, and, uh, I got lonesome.

00:32:33.540 I was out on the, in Denver and the altitude, you know, I don't know if that affected the

00:32:38.300 way, uh, my blood flow might've been better cause I was at those altitudes and, uh, and

00:32:44.280 I was doing, you know, I was pleasuring myself to the greeds of the internet. 0.87

00:32:49.520 And, um, and if you're doing that, I don't know if you're asking me if, if I do it, uh,

00:32:55.420 Joey, or if you do it, but you got to fight it. 0.99

00:32:59.120 I mean, it is a fucking fight. 0.99

00:33:02.060 It's a fight, man. 0.98

00:33:03.440 And I know there's like websites that you can go to that, uh, you can download stuff on

00:33:09.060 your computer to stop you from even being able to access porn sites.

00:33:13.460 Um, you can go to sex addicts meetings, sex and love addiction, and those are everywhere.

00:33:18.560 And those are like safe meetings where you can go and talk about those things, you know,

00:33:23.400 and that's a real, it's a real issue.

00:33:25.000 Cause I think it's killing a lot of, uh, relationships and marriages because then you, you show up with 0.95

00:33:30.540 ridiculous expectations.

00:33:33.080 You know, it's like you, it, it makes it tough. 0.97

00:33:37.380 It makes it tough to know how to treat a woman and it makes it tough to have any feelings sexually 1.00

00:33:42.760 when it comes to an actual human being.

00:33:45.260 So right now I'm just struggling, uh, but I'm focused, you know, I got a few days under

00:33:50.740 my belt and, and hopefully I'll be able to keep more and maybe even by just talking about

00:33:54.900 it, you know, like this, it, maybe it, uh, it opens up the fact that, that, you know,

00:34:02.040 that people, you know, that now I'm discussing it.

00:34:05.740 So it's putting it on my brain.

00:34:07.580 So that's that man.

00:34:09.720 That's what I got there.

00:34:11.080 Uh, let me drop a few dates on you guys, man.

00:34:13.820 Um, April 6th through 9th, I'm going to be at Tampa side splitters.

00:34:18.740 Those dates have changed.

00:34:19.820 It's April 6th through the 9th, uh, April 21st through 23rd.

00:34:24.440 I'm at the punchline in Sacramento and June 1st through 4th.

00:34:28.980 I'm at the Pittsburgh improv.

00:34:31.540 Yeah.

00:34:31.960 I want to apologize.

00:34:32.660 I know tonight's not super funny.

00:34:33.980 Maybe, uh, you know, we kind of got into it, you know, talking about this stuff, but I 0.99

00:34:40.460 guess some of it's, you know, it's, it's real shit, man. 1.00

00:34:44.140 It's real shit. 1.00

00:34:44.940 I mean, if anything, I've, you know, on stage, I love my, you know, I'm, I can be, I can 0.99

00:34:51.960 entertain, but when I'm off stage, man, it's, I am battling to, to be a decent man, you know?

00:35:01.360 And, and there's a lot of men out there doing it, you know, I don't know if it's, if it's

00:35:08.500 just me or if it's an era that we're in where, you know, we just, we're not growing up properly,

00:35:14.660 but I know that I'm not alone because I mean, people are calling in and asking, you know,

00:35:19.980 there's a lot of people called in and left questions and comments and some of them were

00:35:23.880 too long or didn't make any sense, but, uh, but call in again, leave another one, you

00:35:31.080 know, if there's something that's still on your mind, um, you know, see what's going

00:35:35.140 on.

00:35:35.460 Let's keep it moving here. 0.94

00:35:36.940 Uh, we got another.

00:35:42.900 Hey, Theo.

00:35:44.680 Um, my name's Hayden.

00:35:47.000 Um, dude, I gotta, I've had the worst week probably of my, well, of my life, which makes

00:35:55.940 me feel shitty because that means that my life hasn't been that hard then, but, uh, this

00:36:04.760 girl I was with, we were talking, telling each other some of the things that you only tell

00:36:10.120 people, you know, I told her more about me than I've told anyone in a real short period 0.89

00:36:16.160 of time, which might've been stupid and we were moving quickly, but basically she went

00:36:22.520 on a cruise for 10 days and came back completely changed. 0.86

00:36:28.920 And, um, what told me that a month before that she had known the same night she told me

00:36:39.500 she loved me for the first time.

00:36:41.600 She said she knew that same night that she didn't want to be with me as well and we were

00:36:49.580 moving too fast, but she never told me that.

00:36:52.180 And I'm, I just want to know, man, how do people just tell people things without really

00:36:58.780 knowing and lead them on like that and tell them they need to see them.

00:37:06.160 And then tell them 10 days later that they, they can't see them that much.

00:37:11.800 They're tired of seeing them that much.

00:37:13.600 They don't want to worry about what makes the, you know, me happy.

00:37:17.100 They only want to worry about what makes them happy if he's single.

00:37:21.280 And it's been, it's tear, it's tore me up.

00:37:24.020 Um, I haven't talked to her since we broke up, uh, five, four days ago.

00:37:34.120 And, uh, I just want to know, should I talk to this girl and get, try to get more answers

00:37:42.080 out of her, um, or do people mean what they say?

00:37:51.760 Wow, man.

00:37:52.820 Uh, sorry, the audio is low on that.

00:37:55.900 That was where the voice, it was just a low voicemail.

00:37:58.520 Um, you got a lot going on there, man.

00:38:02.020 I, you know, I feel for, I feel for you, dude.

00:38:06.680 You know, I feel for you cause it seems like you're putting yourself out there.

00:38:10.100 You know, you, uh, you let this woman know that you care.

00:38:15.380 She reciprocated those feelings or she started them and you reciprocated them.

00:38:20.020 Uh, I'll say this, uh, you know, you mentioned that she went on the cruise.

00:38:23.980 Cruise is dangerous, bro.

00:38:28.020 A lot of swingers go on there.

00:38:29.500 A lot of men go there to get rid of their wives. 0.95

00:38:32.280 You know, there's past few years, it's been a popular spot to just ditch your spouse, throw

00:38:36.800 them over or get them drunk and just push them off during a storm, hide them.

00:38:42.300 I think they found some woman who'd been in a ship for like six years or something.

00:38:46.820 She was up in the, you know, in a smokestack or something.

00:38:51.020 Some smoked woman, I guess, um, now smoked. 1.00

00:38:55.700 Yeah, it's, uh, what do you do, dude?

00:39:00.880 You know, you put yourself out there.

00:39:05.520 She told you she loved you.

00:39:07.920 Dude, honestly, man, maybe she told you she loved you for her.

00:39:13.400 You know, sometimes, and I'll be honest, man, I was in a relationship with a girl for a while

00:39:19.100 and I told her I loved her, but I knew that I didn't. 0.61

00:39:24.540 I knew that I just was like fucking millibobbing around in my brain and scared of not having 0.96

00:39:32.180 somebody. 0.95

00:39:34.160 And so I told her that, you know, um, and maybe some of it was, I didn't know what love,

00:39:41.220 you know, how to figure out love or how to think about it or how to digest it.

00:39:44.560 I just knew that I was afraid to not have somebody think that I loved them.

00:39:53.880 So some of that could be that maybe she doesn't know.

00:39:57.740 And, you know, um, sometimes when we love somebody, we just are doing it for ourselves

00:40:05.280 because we want to see how somebody feels or how somebody behaves when, when they

00:40:14.440 believe that we love them.

00:40:17.520 Um, you know, I think, I don't know if I'd suggest discussing it with her anymore.

00:40:26.580 Uh, it seems like a step back is usually the best move.

00:40:31.740 You know, she went away and came back.

00:40:33.700 I mean, who knows? 1.00

00:40:34.940 She could have fallen, you know, she could have met a man who fucking killed his wife 1.00

00:40:38.820 on a cruise. 0.99

00:40:39.320 She could have met, you know, she could have fallen in love with a, uh, with a staff member.

00:40:45.100 I remember when I was on this cruise one time, they had a girl who broke her teeth out in,

00:40:50.140 um, Shanghai and, uh, and got impregnated by a mariachi player, a Chinese mariachi player. 0.98

00:41:00.760 So you don't know what the fuck is going on in these cruises. 0.65

00:41:03.560 I mean, it's basically just people floating around and drinking and anything, you know, 0.96

00:41:08.400 can be possible really when people are drinking.

00:41:11.220 Um, but it's scary when you put your feelings out there and they don't get reciprocated, dude.

00:41:16.780 But I commend you, bro.

00:41:18.760 You know, for putting your feelings out there.

00:41:20.100 Nobody wants to do that anymore. 0.99

00:41:22.200 You know, fucking most people don't even have feelings. 0.99

00:41:24.280 I worry that younger people don't even have any fucking feelings. 0.99

00:41:28.320 I think our feelings are going to be in a museum in a few years. 0.99

00:41:30.940 You're going to walk in and be like, oh, look, that's, uh, adornment.

00:41:35.980 You know, or that's, uh, that's not a word.

00:41:37.600 I don't think adore, but like, oh, that's a happiness.

00:41:40.500 Look over there.

00:41:42.020 They've got a whole wall of sheer joy.

00:41:45.540 Um, so I think it's commendable.

00:41:47.580 You're expressing your feelings, you know, the specifics of it.

00:41:51.800 I wouldn't get down into it.

00:41:53.780 You know, it just seems like maybe she doesn't care right now and maybe she never could care.

00:41:57.900 You know, maybe she's not in the same place as you when it comes to affections. 0.52

00:42:03.680 Um, and maybe you got to be okay with that.

00:42:08.000 You know, if that's the reality of the situation, then you need to find a way to fix your pain and deal with, deal with your pain.

00:42:16.660 And, you know, whether that's finding somebody new, taking time for yourself, you know, talking to somebody else who's been in love or who's maybe in a, in a marriage now.

00:42:30.300 I mean, excuse me.

00:42:32.440 I mean, it's hard to see that she's obviously not the girl for you at this moment.

00:42:37.720 She ain't the girl for you at this moment, bro.

00:42:40.280 You know what I'm saying?

00:42:40.860 She's out time catting on these cruises, bro.

00:42:42.960 They drinking Mai Tais.

00:42:45.080 You know, people being nasty, people being naughty.

00:42:48.120 Who knows?

00:42:50.160 You know, if, uh, so she's just not the one for you.

00:42:53.940 So you're going to have to just hold on to your feelings, keep your cars to yourself.

00:42:57.980 You know, if you got to smoke some menthol cigarettes or you got to, you know, go to a water park or do something to get your mind off of her.

00:43:06.840 And, you know, maybe help somebody else.

00:43:09.320 Find, you know, talk to somebody else.

00:43:11.100 When I get, I know the best thing I can do for myself these days when I'm feeling bad is quit feeling for me and start feeling for somebody else.

00:43:23.560 Find somebody else that's having a tough time.

00:43:25.640 Like, you know, find your thundercat, dude.

00:43:28.080 Get you a little thundercat out there. 0.99

00:43:30.640 You know, and fucking slip in them sliced peaches. 1.00

00:43:33.040 You know, find somebody who needs, who needs, who's having a tougher time than you. 0.99

00:43:39.760 You know, because you're broken hearted, but maybe there's some dude out there who's never even been on a date.

00:43:43.920 I remember one time I worked on a show out here in Los Angeles and it was a reality kind of unscripted show.

00:43:51.320 And it was after that movie had come out, Old School.

00:43:55.320 Remember Old School?

00:43:56.740 Yeah, it was right after Old School had come out.

00:43:58.780 They put out this, they made a pilot, which was like a one episode of a reality show about three comedians that go back to college and start a fraternity.

00:44:08.560 And it was me, Bert Kreischer, and this guy, Brett Ernst.

00:44:14.680 And so we got to get these dudes who were like in their 30s and some in their 40s even, and we started a fraternity for them.

00:44:23.640 And we took them on like this crazy outing, and we stole this goat, and we went ice skating, and we had to do like all this rush week kind of stuff.

00:44:32.980 And one of the guys on there, he was an operator of a ride at Universal Studios.

00:44:38.940 He'd never kissed a woman.

00:44:40.600 And this man was 40, 40 years old, and he looked like a little, he looked like a lamb sort of, that it was nearsighted, like a nearsighted lamb.

00:44:51.800 And he had never kissed a woman.

00:44:54.220 And so at the party, we had a big frat party, and we got him a woman and had him slow dancing.

00:45:01.420 And I remember his glasses even fogged up, dude, like they do in the movies. 0.94

00:45:05.560 And during that moment, seeing him kiss a woman, fuck, I don't remember what was going on with me because I knew that there was somebody else who'd been through quite a different and more tough journey. 0.97

00:45:19.960 Because I'd kissed some girls, even though I felt rejected by a lot of them and, you know, probably felt and thought that a lot of them hated me. 0.98

00:45:27.580 You know, I'd certainly done some lip work with some of these gals. 1.00

00:45:30.500 But this man had never, and so this for him was a big moment, and watching him do that made me feel some joy, dude.

00:45:37.680 So, yeah, that's what I would say, man.

00:45:40.540 You know, you don't know if she told you she loved you for her.

00:45:43.880 You don't know if she told you she loved you.

00:45:46.680 You just don't know.

00:45:49.020 You know, and words are one thing, man, but actions are another.

00:45:51.960 So follow the actions. 0.99

00:45:54.040 You know, and take your own actions right now to show yourself you give a fuck about you, bro. 0.99

00:45:59.140 You know what I'm saying? 0.99

00:45:59.740 Get your back waxed.

00:46:01.300 I got my back waxed the other day. 1.00

00:46:02.600 Shit feels beautiful. 1.00

00:46:04.160 A couple of Viettes back there just shining up your skin. 1.00

00:46:07.720 You know, put some softener on your skin, dude.

00:46:09.700 Sometimes at night, if I'm not feeling good, I put a little bit of softener on my skin before I go to bed.

00:46:14.760 You know, it's not like having somebody in bed with me, but it's like making me feel pretty good.

00:46:20.280 Makes me feel pretty good, man.

00:46:21.980 Let's get to one more.

00:46:22.940 We're getting long here.

00:46:23.760 Hey, what's up, bruh?

00:46:27.980 Got a little ex-girlfriend problem. 0.91

00:46:31.180 Broke up.

00:46:32.460 Me and her broke up about three years ago after dating for four years. 0.98

00:46:36.300 And she came back into my life talking about trying to rekindle shit. 1.00

00:46:43.060 You know what I mean? 0.99

00:46:44.680 I kind of miss it.

00:46:46.760 I kind of like the way we had things, you know.

00:46:50.040 But I don't know if it's a good idea or not to go back to something that was broken up.

00:46:57.460 You know what I mean?

00:46:59.180 Let me know what your thoughts are, bruh.

00:47:01.500 Thanks a lot.

00:47:02.380 Fight the power.

00:47:05.820 Oh, fight the power.

00:47:08.880 That's an old rap reference.

00:47:10.800 It was a song, late 80s, fight the power.

00:47:15.240 Public Enemy did that song.

00:47:17.280 You can go look that up.

00:47:17.980 But, yeah, bruh, look, I appreciate you calling and asking.

00:47:24.580 You know, I spoke to an ex-girlfriend of mine.

00:47:26.740 I mentioned her a little bit ago recently. 0.72

00:47:29.320 And I called her on the phone, actually, to apologize for what a shitty boyfriend I'd been. 0.86

00:47:34.120 And it got pretty emotional.

00:47:37.320 And part of me, I think, somewhere inside of me wanted us to be able to give it another chance.

00:47:42.080 I don't know if that was because I'd been lonesome.

00:47:43.880 I don't know if that was because, you know, I thought there were enough qualities there and enough chemistry there where there could be an opportunity.

00:47:54.320 And she's moved on now.

00:47:58.080 She's, you know, got her husband, her engagement.

00:48:01.080 And that's that.

00:48:02.480 That's her future. 0.84

00:48:03.540 And that's all I can do at that point is be happy for her.

00:48:06.160 But one thing I do know is that it just, it needed time.

00:48:12.120 You know, I couldn't have called her a few years ago and done that because I was still holding grudges.

00:48:17.160 I was still angry. 0.99

00:48:18.820 So if you're going to get back together with somebody, you've got to make sure that whatever broke y'all up before, whatever issues there were, that that shit is gone. 0.98

00:48:28.500 And you need to make sure it's gone on your side.

00:48:30.680 Like, you need to figure out what inside of you, even if she did something wrong, why were you unable to deal with it?

00:48:39.200 What inside of you, last time y'all split up, made you okay with breaking up?

00:48:45.280 You know, what inside of you, you know, made you upset enough at her where you were like, okay, good, I'm done with this as well.

00:48:53.660 And if that's not an issue anymore, if those issues aren't there anymore, then I think you can move forward and try it again.

00:48:59.480 But if you're going to rehash old stuff, you've got to start at a clean slate, dude.

00:49:04.300 Because if you're going to rehash old stuff, then it's just going to, it's going to bubble out.

00:49:10.040 You know, it's going to be the same type of thing.

00:49:12.240 Whatever happened before, those things are just going to be lying under the blankets and they're going to pop up after a little bit of sex, you know. 0.67

00:49:18.720 And I would hold off on the sex, man, honestly.

00:49:20.800 I'd just be casual about it.

00:49:23.100 And because you guys maybe are in a different place now.

00:49:26.500 You've already got some, some history.

00:49:29.880 And, you know, just embrace the good history.

00:49:31.900 You know, at least you've got somebody coming back around, man.

00:49:36.220 That's nice, dude.

00:49:37.140 It's better than, you know, it's better, it's better than not having somebody.

00:49:44.340 But I would take it easy, man.

00:49:45.540 It sounds like you're taking it easy.

00:49:47.000 I would continue to take it easy.

00:49:48.540 Be casual about it.

00:49:50.940 Don't just dive all the way in, man.

00:49:52.920 I mean, it's easy to just try and get up in that, you know, up in that, that kunt and just, you know, be, just get your tongue in there and just be nasty. 1.00

00:50:04.400 But you've got to take it easy when it comes to the sensuality.

00:50:07.800 You've got to build up the groundwork around that first.

00:50:12.020 Whether this is a new relationship or an old relationship.

00:50:15.160 Anyhow, man, I am, it's late here.

00:50:17.420 It's 2.39.

00:50:18.980 I want to thank everybody again for helping out with the album.

00:50:21.780 I want to thank everybody that called and dropped some calls in.

00:50:27.160 I know I've got to start doing this earlier, man.

00:50:28.960 I am a little tired again.

00:50:31.740 But I'll try and, you know, I'm just learning as I go.

00:50:35.320 And I appreciate you guys checking out this past weekend.

00:50:38.360 My past weekend was kind of boring a little bit, so I didn't have a lot.

00:50:41.180 I was just, it was just really just a lot of emotions and just not feeling fucking super great, you know.

00:50:48.820 And sometimes, dude, that is my weekend.

00:50:51.140 And this was one of those times.

00:50:53.060 But I appreciate you guys' support.

00:50:55.400 Anything else that I need to share?

00:50:59.460 Nope, I don't think so.

00:51:02.100 I will tell you this.

00:51:03.660 On the way out, we're going to listen to, I've got this little keypad now to help me out.

00:51:08.340 You know, because we've been talking about love, dude.

00:51:14.200 I'm going to check out a little bit of Foreigner. 0.96

00:51:16.280 I want to know what love is.

00:51:24.700 That's a yacht rock, dude.

00:51:26.140 If you're on a yacht, that's what you listen to, boy.

00:51:28.140 Yacht rock.

00:51:28.780 Oh, I've had adult gas, bruh, today.

00:51:37.040 Butt gas.

00:51:38.620 And it is trying, bro.

00:51:41.300 I think I ate something at the airport.

00:51:48.260 Hear that instrument? 1.00

00:51:49.220 I don't even know what fucking instrument that is, dude. 0.99

00:51:51.260 This is the old jam. 0.99

00:52:03.240 I remember this one, dude.

00:52:06.920 Through the clouds.

00:52:11.080 Find you a mentor, man.

00:52:12.500 Find somebody to help you out if you're out there. 0.60

00:52:15.600 If you're broken, dog.

00:52:16.840 I don't know if I can face it again.

00:52:26.220 Can't stop now.

00:52:28.440 I've traveled so far.

00:52:30.960 It's that jam, bruh.

00:52:34.340 It's that Christian rock. 0.99

00:52:35.940 Damn, that's every dude out there. 0.99

00:52:50.400 I want to know what love is. 0.99

00:52:53.620 We're one of the role models we used to, man.

00:52:59.320 So we got to build it from the ground up if you want it.

00:53:01.780 You got to build it from the ground up, man.

00:53:06.080 Get your heartbeat up.

00:53:08.380 You got to stay up.

00:53:09.700 Stay out of the darkness, dude.

00:53:12.520 Stay out of the darkness, man.

00:53:14.700 You know? 1.00

00:53:15.440 Gay guy bit my cousin, too. 0.99

00:53:16.940 I told you about that. 0.99

00:53:18.260 But we'll see, man.

00:53:21.220 Thank you guys for your support, bro.

00:53:22.600 You guys be good.

00:53:23.980 Or be good at it, huh?

00:53:31.780 Ladies and gentlemen, I'm Jonathan Kite, and welcome to Kite Club, a podcast where I'll be sharing thoughts on things like current events, stand-up stories, and seven ways to pleasure your partner.

00:53:53.440 The answer may shock you.

00:53:55.180 Sometimes I'll interview my friends.

00:53:57.240 Sometimes I won't.

00:53:58.100 And as always, I'll be joined by the voices in my head.

00:54:01.840 You have three new voice messages.

00:54:04.900 A lot of people are talking about Kite Club.

00:54:07.760 I've been talking about Kite Club for so long.

00:54:10.440 Longer than anybody else.

00:54:12.060 So great.

00:54:13.420 Hi, sweetheart. 0.94

00:54:15.100 Here's a deal. 1.00

00:54:16.360 Anyone who doesn't listen to Kite Club is a dodgy bloody wanker. 1.00

00:54:20.360 Jermaine. 0.99

00:54:21.640 Hi, I'll take a quarter pounder with cheese and a McFlurry.

00:54:25.240 Sorry, sir, but our ice cream machine is broken.

00:54:27.120 I think Tom Hanks just butt-dialed me.

00:54:32.260 Anyway, first rule of Kite Club is, tell everyone about Kite Club.

00:54:36.380 Second rule of Kite Club is, tell everyone about Kite Club.

00:54:40.620 Third rule, like and subscribe wherever you listen to podcasts.

00:54:44.300 Or watch us on YouTube, yeah?

00:54:46.400 And yes, don't worry, my Brad Pitt impression will get better.

This Past Weekend with Theo Von - March 06, 2017

3-06-17 ｜ This Past Weekend #12

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