3-06-17 ｜ This Past Weekend #12
Episode Stats
Words per Minute
169.5952
Summary
This past weekend I did a comedy show in Bremerton, WA and had a nice chat with Joe Rogan. I talk about the new Green Day album, 30 Pounds of Hamster Bones, and how the love stops at the gas money.
Transcript
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What's up? What's up, you little Guatemalans? Huh? You little crispy Yamaguchis? How you
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feeling, huh? Huh? You ever done an eight ball at a Bass Pro Shop and played Adele's
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Hello on a duck call? You ever done that? You ever emptied a bunch of ice trays on the
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kitchen floor and made snow angels at the house? You ever done that? Get all wet? Get
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your back wet? Well, dry off, bruh. Dry off. Cause this is This Past Weekend. This
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Buy this album right now in stores. 30 pounds of hamster bones.
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Hamster. Hamster. Hamster. Hamster. Hamster. Hamster. Hamster. Hamster. Hamster. I got
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house in Luana. I got a truck like I'm Santa. 30 pounds is a scam. Give him a name that is
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Rhino. Judas Fultz. Hamsters. Ecstasy. Don't get these mammals. Tattin' them up like I'm
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back. He's like you're a bliss in the sun. Green Day. Cheryl's name. Random. Tiny bones.
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Hand him. The E's. Hand him. Who wants a drink from your daddy? Terramping off, drip me in transit.
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All right, welcome, welcome, welcome to this past weekend.
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I want to thank everybody who purchased the new album, 30 Pounds of Hamster Bones, got
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It's Monday morning, Monday, March 6th, 19, 2017.
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Just got back from Bremerton, Bremerton, Washington.
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So anybody who came out to the show last night, I appreciate it.
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I had a nice time, kind of a naval town, not the body part, just the service.
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So a lot of people there in the service, I understand.
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They had some, you know, some children in there.
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If you haven't got the album, that's what I was playing right there.
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It's like a play on Designer's Panda and his Hamster.
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Let me touch base with what's been going on, man.
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Joe Rogan Experience, if you didn't check it out.
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So I was a little nervous, but we had a nice time.
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And I felt like I got to know him a little bit better.
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It was inspiring just to be able to have a conversation with somebody.
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You know, a lot of people don't date because it's not geographically desirable.
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You know, I mean, whenever you meet a girl or a guy, you ask them where they live.
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And if it's not in a convenient area, then the love ends right there.
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Like back in the day, you know, some places incest is more popular.
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But I think, like, if you lived in a rural area, in about, if you walked even, you know, eight miles, you might only come across family, you know, back in the day.
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So I think in some rural areas, you're more likely to have incest because, hell, you go for a jog, even a long run looking for love.
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The best you might find is a cousin in the distance, you know, maybe a distant cousin.
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And that's how I think a lot of incest really probably popped off back in the day.
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You might only meet people at family reunions or at funerals.
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Whereas in a city, you're usually more likely to bump into people that aren't of the same bloodline.
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So I think in a city, you're less likely to have incest.
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But definitely it should be, I don't know if it should be a crime.
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You know, I think these days, there's no excuse for not getting outside of your comfort zone.
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Even if, you know, and that's way too comfortable.
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You know, if you're, you know, winking at somebody across the room at a family get-together,
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that's just because you don't know them doesn't make it, you know, Christian or right.
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You know, so, yeah, so I've always had that thought.
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But, um, bestiality, that's another crazy thing.
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I'm thinking about, you know, sexuality right now, I guess.
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Um, and I've always thought that, yeah, bestiality with small animals, taboo.
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But you get out there and you, you fuck a leopard?
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Is that bestiality or is that pretty much the dopest shit you could do, you know?
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But some of these bestiality things, they should fine-tune a little bit of it.
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You know, I catch some dudes snuggling up with a lab, you know, or even a black lab or, um, you know, even a sheep or a livestock animal.
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But I catch somebody, you know, dropping a YouTube video of them, you know, making love to a, to a, to a, you know, a caribou?
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Yeah, I want to thank everybody for supporting the album, man.
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Um, the past week, for me, this past, last week wasn't good, man.
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And I know that's kind of a recurring theme, I guess, with me.
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Um, and I think part of that comes from just being here in LA.
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You know, like, people think that comedians, that it's this glorious life.
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But during the day, I'm taking care of my life and my business.
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But a lot of people that are at the shows are on dates.
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And you don't, you're not, you know, I'm not the kind of guy that can really bust into a date and change the game.
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You know, and peel a date off, peel a woman off of their man if they're out with a man.
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And I did meet this girl also who's Nicaraguan a while back.
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And I know that I got to get some of these things fixed inside of me.
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Um, these things that make me feel less than when I am by myself.
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Because if I'm not feeling good, I can't, you know, I've touched on this the past few weeks.
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I can't expect somebody else to feel that for me.
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You know, I can't think, oh, well, when I meet, you know,
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Marguerite or when I meet Cheryl, that I'm going to be, that's when I'll be the happiest.
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I got to find a way to be the happiest, uh, now.
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Um, if you got a chance to check out the Joe Rogan experience that I was on, I was,
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I mean, these days, that's a, you know, it's a neat thing, uh, to be a part of.
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And, and he has just such a breadth of knowledge of different stuff.
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And, um, and he's a big guy, so there's intimidation there in that sense.
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It was nice to just spend some time with, with another man just chatting about stuff.
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Um, and we talked a little bit about my father.
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Um, I never really had a lot of that, that man leadership in my life.
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I mean, my father, you know, because of his age, he, uh, he, I mean, I remember my father
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would borrow money from me, you know, and I was making allowance money.
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You know, I was making, maybe if I was lucky, maybe four or five dollars a week.
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I would save my money and I collected small items that I would find.
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And I used to buy little pieces of quartz and stuff.
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They had a lady down the street that sold, you know, quartz and magical rocks.
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And I would get involved and really, I think I kept her in business for about a year and
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a half, you know, and buying just different stalactite and all kinds of just shit she had
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just because a lot of them, the rocks she said were magical and would make our lives better.
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So I invested in a lot of that, uh, basically just betterment granite for a lack of a better term.
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But I remember my father when, you know, he, he wouldn't have gas money, so he would borrow money from me.
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And it probably made me not really think of him as a mentor.
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Um, and he had this way of always asking me if, if he ever let me down, did I ever let you down?
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And I, of course, I'd always say no, you know, because I wanted him to be happy, uh, because
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I knew he was getting so old that I wanted him not to worry about me.
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So that was, uh, you know, I didn't have that mentor.
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I didn't have that, that, that comfortability around men.
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My brother went to live with my grandparents and dealt with some of his own demons.
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And, and so I spent a lot of time by myself in that house, in that apartment with women.
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Um, and, uh, and my neighborhood was dangerous.
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So I just didn't develop a lot of, uh, relationships with men.
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And so I think in, in weird ways, I long for that.
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I long for some of that connection, you know, to be able to just spend time with another male,
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um, that's non-sensual, um, and, and connect and connect, you know, and just talk and feel
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It's, I feel like it's hard to be a man these days.
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Um, you know, a lot of, uh, a lot of our parents now are divorced or on second and third marriages.
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And so there's a lot of, you know, it's up in the air as to what it is to be a man.
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Um, the old definition of men has been attacked a lot by, um, by a lot of feminist regimes and,
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you know, and, um, attack, I don't want to say not lesbians, but attack lesbians and,
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and soft men that don't want to, you know, uh, support or really discuss what it feels
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I mean, I feel like these days, if you're to get out in the wild and roar, they'll call
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the police on you, you know, and the cops show up, you're like, what are you doing?
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You know, I'm trying to fucking turn my insides into a damn fight club.
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I'm trying to be whatever it means to be a man.
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You know, in adult men, uh, I've talked about this before, but adult men are committing suicide
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So, you know, it's a, it's a tough time to be a man, but I'm still out here trying.
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I think last week I fell off a bit and got a little in the dumps.
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Um, but when that happens to me, what I try to do is I try and think about, uh, somebody
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I remember when I was young, they had this boy in our neighborhood named, uh, Thundercat,
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I don't know what the J stood for, but the T stood for, uh, Thundercat and they would call
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And he, uh, he was born with some deficiencies.
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He had hair just growing directly out of his face, you know, like one of those, you know,
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uh, almost just like the dark arts had just almost like he was just one of his parents
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You know, he just had this kind of wolf boy, sort of wookie kind of thing, just growing
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And, and that was, that was alarming to people.
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And somebody said that he was going to die and they, somebody said it loud and I think
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And so they convinced enough people in our area that he was going to die.
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So he got to quit school, um, and his parents bought him a little truck, little Ford Ranger,
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They had a small backyard, but large enough to drive a truck around in.
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And I remember waiting at the bus stop near his home and, uh, and he'd just be missing
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They let him smoke Winston cigarettes and he would be back in his yard, little Thunder,
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just driving this truck, you know, as a child, as a, you know, uh, just a real hairy kind
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And before that, I remember the girls at school would always brush him and brush his hair.
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And they kind of took to him, championed him as like a little bit of an Oracle, you know,
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I, I remember I used to sneak over by the fence cause his family had a chain link fence and
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I would sneak over there and give him, uh, sliced peaches, feed him sliced peaches through
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the fence, you know, um, keep him hydrated and stuff like that.
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And he, uh, and he would just smoke cigarettes and listen to, uh, Fugees, uh, killing me softly.
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Uh, and, uh, remember, uh, blind melon, he listened to some blind melon there.
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So, and the reason why he got to not even go to school was because so he could die at
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home, you know, they wanted him to have some peace and he didn't have to, you know, struggle
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with all his lessons and, you know, spelling and all of that, because you're not going to
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need that if you're dying and he, uh, he never did die.
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I remember when she died and the daddy, this is how they used to make money.
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The daddy used to do slipping falls at pizza huts and he would sue him and he would get
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He was working the circuit one year and I think he was near like Sarasota, Florida.
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He split his head open on a salad bar, uh, out there, you know, doing his craft or his
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work or whatever it was, scamming, you know, scamming.
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But I remember a lot of times when I would feel down in the dumps as a child, I would think
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about him, uh, and what his life was going to be like and what his walk through the world
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Um, cause he kept a good attitude, even though he had this affliction and even
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though he, as far as everybody was concerned, was destined for, for death, maybe heaven.
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Hopefully a child, you know, you'd like to think that most children go to heaven, but
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He, he last I heard he lived, he was still alive.
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Um, so anyhow, uh, you know, when, when I get down in the dumps, sometimes I like to think
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of, of somebody that's having a tougher time than I am.
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Uh, I want to appreciate everybody that called in as well.
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We got some good calls, uh, some basic life suggestions.
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And I want to offer that out to anybody, you know, if you need somebody, if you need a
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friend, you're, you need rural or urban advice.
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That's what I like to refer to it as, because that's what I feel like I can help with.
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It's on my Twitter and it's on my Instagrams and, uh, it's a nine eight five number to voicemail.
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You can leave a voicemail and I will, uh, I'll get to that and address any of those issues
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And I have some today, actually, I'm going to get to a few, uh, right here.
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And if you're on the YouTubes, if you're watching this on the YouTubes, you can see, um, that I
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got a desk now and a little bit more of an environment here.
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Uh, and eventually we might get call people to call in, but right now we're just dealing
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Um, and I want to thank everybody that came out in Seattle because that really did.
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Uh, but I'm going to get into some questions here, man.
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I'm gonna let you know, uh, some dates too that I got coming up, but first let's crack
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It's your baby boy, Brian from Auburn, Alabama.
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I wanted to ask you about what the fuck do you do when you're depressed and you don't
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All these kinds of good things are happening around me, but man, I ain't been more depressed
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And I've seen you like on this weekend, like this weekend and all that shit.
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And I saw you were going through a hard patch now and I was going through a hard patch and
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I just kind of want to hear, you know, what do you do to kind of see the brightness when
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You know, I'm not, I'm not trying to get all philosophical.
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What I do, uh, in the past, I didn't do anything, man.
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I would do masturbation, you know, I would do just masturbation until I didn't even have
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I would almost just beat my feelings out of my body, uh, via masturbation, you know?
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And I started masturbation when I was young and, uh, and it persisted, man.
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Even, and that's another thing about, you know, no man ever told me anything about masturbation,
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You know, I mean, when my father was young, he had, he'd probably on horses and who knows
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You know, I don't even know if they had masturbation then.
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So I learned it, you know, by watching some pornography videos and, uh, some boy beat me
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up at the library one time and showed me a bunch of pictures of, um, cooter.
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And he would, that boy was beating me and making me look at this, look at these pictures of cooter
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that he had that were all jacked up and had been, probably just looked like they'd been
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I try to have faith, you know, that things will be okay.
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I mean, it's, it's hard to tell a guy, I mean, you're in college, you're going through
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those, you know, there's a lot going on in your life.
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I bet it's busy, you know, your, your future probably seems immense.
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Uh, but also it's probably scary if you're graduating, you're getting out of college.
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I'll just tell you this, man, you got time to make some poor choices.
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So even if whatever you're choosing doesn't end up being phenomenal, you can fuck up, dude.
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You could start a bake, you could do French breads and, you know, baguettes and whatever
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You could burn the bakery down and try to get insurance money, go to jail for that for
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You could then join the service, get out of that and you're only 35 and you still can
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do it, you know, so you have time to kill, man.
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So I just wouldn't be so hard on yourself and take a step back.
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And sometimes when you're in your problems, you can't see that the reality of things is
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You know, sometimes you're just so caught up, like you got to do this and you got to do
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Sometimes the best thing to do is nothing and just realize that they, that, that by not
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You know, take care of whatever your basic needs are and just relax, man, you know, relax.
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Especially if you're in college, man, they got, you know, hot leg running around and you
00:23:00.780
could do, you know, you could experiment and do homosexuality.
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You could do whatever you want and, uh, and whatever it is, you'll be able to, you know,
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I promise you that dude, uh, time will hear, heal everything.
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I would say, just look at the reality of things in the big scheme of things.
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When I think back about college, the only thing I really remember is that I wish I would
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have had more fun, that I wish I wouldn't have worried so much about this or that, you
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know, uh, about the tests and about the, you know, um, what people thought of me.
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I wish I had more pictures from college of me having a blast, bro.
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So if I had any guidance there or thoughts or suggestions, I would say, take it easy.
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If, if shit feels dark, find a mentor, you know, find a, find a, you know, somebody already
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graduated and talk to them, talk to, talk to somebody.
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You know, find you another man and get out there and put your feelings out there.
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You know, you can't be afraid to put your feelings out there, dude.
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Uh, that boy Thunder, his daddy, he used to, when I would miss the school bus, his dad would
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give me a ride to school and he would even help me with my spelling words.
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And he used to smoke, uh, Marlboro cigarettes and he would blow the cigarette smoke at me
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And it's hard to, spelling is kind of hard enough.
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I did well in it, but spelling, when you got smoke coming at you and in your
00:24:42.080
eyes and everything, even harder, you know, when you're trying to spell, when you're trying
00:24:47.300
to spell just being attacked by secondhand smoke, that's a real, I mean, that's some
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I mean, you're the Wyatt Earp of consonants and syllables at that point.
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So, um, but I remember sometimes I would share with him what was going on because even if it
00:25:06.980
was just a few minutes in a car together, that was another man around that I could reach
00:25:16.620
Don't get caught in the, in the, in the minutiae that's right in front of you.
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You could do your bakery and fuck it up and still be fine.
00:25:31.740
Um, you could do law school, medical, you could, you got time, bud.
00:25:58.660
You said you, you'd fell back into the dark depths of the, of the, of the web there.
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Um, whether it be on your phone or your laptop or what have you.
00:26:08.300
Um, for, uh, quick question for, for you to want to get out of that world and then fall
00:26:15.520
What kind of categories are you clicking on, on these websites, sir?
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What's your, uh, what's your favorite genre, if you will?
00:26:24.180
Um, yeah, what, what, what's your favorite playlist to ticket yourself to, if you know
00:26:29.620
So just, uh, just a weird kind of inquiry, I guess.
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It's just, uh, like to know what my fellow man likes to look at when, uh, when he's lacking
00:26:44.260
My, my phone's dead and he took a picture for me.
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Uh, yeah, I believe he came out to the shows in Denver, um, last weekend.
00:26:59.460
Um, well, yeah, I mean, I think it's interesting to ask another man what he, you know, what his
00:27:06.080
categories are in when it comes to pornography.
00:27:08.400
He's talking about pornography and I've mentioned that I've fallen back into the depths of it
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It's scary, um, if anybody's dealing with that, when you get into a lot of its habit and there's
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a new book by Malcolm Gladwell, I think is the gentleman's name.
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And it talks about habit and about triggers and about how a lot of your life you get, it's,
00:27:39.540
it's reactions to things and then falling into habits and what creates those habits and how
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you have to, uh, just adjust a few simple things to create new and better habits.
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I could look it up, but fucking, I'm not gonna right now, dude, you can look it up.
00:28:01.800
Um, but yeah, when it comes to pornography, I mean,
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you know, it, it, I was nervous to talk to women when I was young.
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I don't know if it's just because I never learned or nobody ever said, Hey, go talk to her.
00:28:21.600
Um, my brother was nervous around women as well.
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And so I think, you know, I didn't have that, uh, I didn't have him guide me, you know?
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Um, so I was so nervous that, that instead pornography, you don't have to have any interaction,
00:28:41.240
you know, you just have to interact really with yourself.
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And the woman is there just, uh, um, you know, digitally or in a picture.
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And so you don't, you don't, you're not really investing anything.
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You don't have to put anything on the table and that can be addictive.
00:28:58.420
That can be addictive and it gets addictive quick, man.
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And, you know, I started off as, you know, if the categories of porn, I mean, it's,
00:29:09.200
You know, I mean, when I was young, it was all on pictures and drawings.
00:29:12.400
People would be drawing cooters and everything in class.
00:29:14.760
And, you know, you'd just be thinking your buddy was passing you a note and it would
00:29:19.040
be a picture of maybe a breast and a, and a, and a cooter.
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And, uh, they would draw the hair on them as well.
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And so at least that's a little bit more, you know, uh, classy, I guess, whereas now
00:29:35.780
just the cooters are just open and it's just, you know, these cooters, some of them just
00:29:40.900
look like they're attacking and they're just angry and, or, you know, some of them look
00:29:47.700
I mean, it's just, but now you're so inundated with all of it.
00:29:51.400
You see the depths of these, you know, vaginas and these, you know, birth wallets, if you
00:29:58.260
Um, so, but back in the day, you didn't see that, but yeah, it escalated, man.
00:30:04.740
I remember I used to ride my bike across town before video pornography.
00:30:08.280
And I knew a man that had some, some magazines and I would go wait, go and just use his bathroom.
00:30:15.440
This man, I knew he was an adult and I would just go use his bathroom and do masturbation,
00:30:24.640
So, so obviously my, my addiction to that started pretty early when I think back on it.
00:30:33.260
And then the internet, man, I would, you know, I would cancel dates because I would just masturbate
00:30:42.760
And a lot of it probably came from fear of interacting with women.
00:30:48.620
And then, you know, you're watching the, you know, 18 and 19 year olds on there, barely
00:30:54.520
And they got the different sites and then threesomes.
00:30:58.200
And then now it's gang bangs where the lady's looking like she's, you know, just playing
00:31:03.660
like a, it's almost like a whack-a-mole with all these penises and cocks coming at her.
00:31:09.400
And, um, you know, some of it seems, it's just deviant at a certain point.
00:31:15.340
And then you got the ones where the ladies, they're doing butts, butt sex and butt activities.
00:31:21.400
And some of them, the ladies' butts are hanging open in the end.
00:31:25.580
And, you know, you can just see my cold air is getting in their butt.
00:31:31.340
I'd be worried that these women were getting sick or I'd picture them, you know, the next
00:31:36.040
day wearing a scarf or something because they got all kinds of, you know, chilly air in the
00:31:46.140
And, and these days we're desensitized to even just looking through Instagram.
00:31:51.360
It's like you see a couple of sexy pictures or, you know, I've had to get off of a couple
00:31:57.240
of text chains because I have friends who they just drop out some puss into the text chain
00:32:02.320
or drop out some titties, um, or some Italian titties.
00:32:06.120
I got a friend who loves, you know, big tittied Italian women.
00:32:12.220
And I had to tell him, dude, I don't, I don't want to be surprised.
00:32:14.700
I just, you got to work hard these days to not be desensitized, man.
00:32:20.380
And I got desensitized early and I stayed in it and I was doing good.
00:32:25.260
I had two months of not watching it, um, of pornography and I fell off last week, you
00:32:33.540
I was out on the, in Denver and the altitude, you know, I don't know if that affected the
00:32:38.300
way, uh, my blood flow might've been better cause I was at those altitudes and, uh, and
00:32:44.280
I was doing, you know, I was pleasuring myself to the greeds of the internet.
00:32:49.520
And, um, and if you're doing that, I don't know if you're asking me if, if I do it, uh,
00:32:55.420
Joey, or if you do it, but you got to fight it.
00:33:03.440
And I know there's like websites that you can go to that, uh, you can download stuff on
00:33:09.060
your computer to stop you from even being able to access porn sites.
00:33:13.460
Um, you can go to sex addicts meetings, sex and love addiction, and those are everywhere.
00:33:18.560
And those are like safe meetings where you can go and talk about those things, you know,
00:33:25.000
Cause I think it's killing a lot of, uh, relationships and marriages because then you, you show up with
00:33:33.080
You know, it's like you, it, it makes it tough.
00:33:37.380
It makes it tough to know how to treat a woman and it makes it tough to have any feelings sexually
00:33:45.260
So right now I'm just struggling, uh, but I'm focused, you know, I got a few days under
00:33:50.740
my belt and, and hopefully I'll be able to keep more and maybe even by just talking about
00:33:54.900
it, you know, like this, it, maybe it, uh, it opens up the fact that, that, you know,
00:34:02.040
that people, you know, that now I'm discussing it.
00:34:13.820
Um, April 6th through 9th, I'm going to be at Tampa side splitters.
00:34:19.820
It's April 6th through the 9th, uh, April 21st through 23rd.
00:34:24.440
I'm at the punchline in Sacramento and June 1st through 4th.
00:34:33.980
Maybe, uh, you know, we kind of got into it, you know, talking about this stuff, but I
00:34:40.460
guess some of it's, you know, it's, it's real shit, man.
00:34:44.940
I mean, if anything, I've, you know, on stage, I love my, you know, I'm, I can be, I can
00:34:51.960
entertain, but when I'm off stage, man, it's, I am battling to, to be a decent man, you know?
00:35:01.360
And, and there's a lot of men out there doing it, you know, I don't know if it's, if it's
00:35:08.500
just me or if it's an era that we're in where, you know, we just, we're not growing up properly,
00:35:14.660
but I know that I'm not alone because I mean, people are calling in and asking, you know,
00:35:19.980
there's a lot of people called in and left questions and comments and some of them were
00:35:23.880
too long or didn't make any sense, but, uh, but call in again, leave another one, you
00:35:31.080
know, if there's something that's still on your mind, um, you know, see what's going
00:35:47.000
Um, dude, I gotta, I've had the worst week probably of my, well, of my life, which makes
00:35:55.940
me feel shitty because that means that my life hasn't been that hard then, but, uh, this
00:36:04.760
girl I was with, we were talking, telling each other some of the things that you only tell
00:36:10.120
people, you know, I told her more about me than I've told anyone in a real short period
00:36:16.160
of time, which might've been stupid and we were moving quickly, but basically she went
00:36:22.520
on a cruise for 10 days and came back completely changed.
00:36:28.920
And, um, what told me that a month before that she had known the same night she told me
00:36:41.600
She said she knew that same night that she didn't want to be with me as well and we were
00:36:52.180
And I'm, I just want to know, man, how do people just tell people things without really
00:36:58.780
knowing and lead them on like that and tell them they need to see them.
00:37:06.160
And then tell them 10 days later that they, they can't see them that much.
00:37:13.600
They don't want to worry about what makes the, you know, me happy.
00:37:17.100
They only want to worry about what makes them happy if he's single.
00:37:24.020
Um, I haven't talked to her since we broke up, uh, five, four days ago.
00:37:34.120
And, uh, I just want to know, should I talk to this girl and get, try to get more answers
00:37:42.080
out of her, um, or do people mean what they say?
00:37:55.900
That was where the voice, it was just a low voicemail.
00:38:06.680
You know, I feel for you cause it seems like you're putting yourself out there.
00:38:10.100
You know, you, uh, you let this woman know that you care.
00:38:15.380
She reciprocated those feelings or she started them and you reciprocated them.
00:38:20.020
Uh, I'll say this, uh, you know, you mentioned that she went on the cruise.
00:38:29.500
A lot of men go there to get rid of their wives.
00:38:32.280
You know, there's past few years, it's been a popular spot to just ditch your spouse, throw
00:38:36.800
them over or get them drunk and just push them off during a storm, hide them.
00:38:42.300
I think they found some woman who'd been in a ship for like six years or something.
00:38:46.820
She was up in the, you know, in a smokestack or something.
00:39:07.920
Dude, honestly, man, maybe she told you she loved you for her.
00:39:13.400
You know, sometimes, and I'll be honest, man, I was in a relationship with a girl for a while
00:39:19.100
and I told her I loved her, but I knew that I didn't.
00:39:24.540
I knew that I just was like fucking millibobbing around in my brain and scared of not having
00:39:34.160
And so I told her that, you know, um, and maybe some of it was, I didn't know what love,
00:39:41.220
you know, how to figure out love or how to think about it or how to digest it.
00:39:44.560
I just knew that I was afraid to not have somebody think that I loved them.
00:39:53.880
So some of that could be that maybe she doesn't know.
00:39:57.740
And, you know, um, sometimes when we love somebody, we just are doing it for ourselves
00:40:05.280
because we want to see how somebody feels or how somebody behaves when, when they
00:40:17.520
Um, you know, I think, I don't know if I'd suggest discussing it with her anymore.
00:40:26.580
Uh, it seems like a step back is usually the best move.
00:40:34.940
She could have fallen, you know, she could have met a man who fucking killed his wife
00:40:39.320
She could have met, you know, she could have fallen in love with a, uh, with a staff member.
00:40:45.100
I remember when I was on this cruise one time, they had a girl who broke her teeth out in,
00:40:50.140
um, Shanghai and, uh, and got impregnated by a mariachi player, a Chinese mariachi player.
00:41:00.760
So you don't know what the fuck is going on in these cruises.
00:41:03.560
I mean, it's basically just people floating around and drinking and anything, you know,
00:41:08.400
can be possible really when people are drinking.
00:41:11.220
Um, but it's scary when you put your feelings out there and they don't get reciprocated, dude.
00:41:22.200
You know, fucking most people don't even have feelings.
00:41:24.280
I worry that younger people don't even have any fucking feelings.
00:41:28.320
I think our feelings are going to be in a museum in a few years.
00:41:30.940
You're going to walk in and be like, oh, look, that's, uh, adornment.
00:41:37.600
I don't think adore, but like, oh, that's a happiness.
00:41:47.580
You're expressing your feelings, you know, the specifics of it.
00:41:53.780
You know, it just seems like maybe she doesn't care right now and maybe she never could care.
00:41:57.900
You know, maybe she's not in the same place as you when it comes to affections.
00:42:08.000
You know, if that's the reality of the situation, then you need to find a way to fix your pain and deal with, deal with your pain.
00:42:16.660
And, you know, whether that's finding somebody new, taking time for yourself, you know, talking to somebody else who's been in love or who's maybe in a, in a marriage now.
00:42:32.440
I mean, it's hard to see that she's obviously not the girl for you at this moment.
00:42:37.720
She ain't the girl for you at this moment, bro.
00:42:45.080
You know, people being nasty, people being naughty.
00:42:50.160
You know, if, uh, so she's just not the one for you.
00:42:53.940
So you're going to have to just hold on to your feelings, keep your cars to yourself.
00:42:57.980
You know, if you got to smoke some menthol cigarettes or you got to, you know, go to a water park or do something to get your mind off of her.
00:43:11.100
When I get, I know the best thing I can do for myself these days when I'm feeling bad is quit feeling for me and start feeling for somebody else.
00:43:30.640
You know, and fucking slip in them sliced peaches.
00:43:33.040
You know, find somebody who needs, who needs, who's having a tougher time than you.
00:43:39.760
You know, because you're broken hearted, but maybe there's some dude out there who's never even been on a date.
00:43:43.920
I remember one time I worked on a show out here in Los Angeles and it was a reality kind of unscripted show.
00:43:51.320
And it was after that movie had come out, Old School.
00:43:56.740
Yeah, it was right after Old School had come out.
00:43:58.780
They put out this, they made a pilot, which was like a one episode of a reality show about three comedians that go back to college and start a fraternity.
00:44:08.560
And it was me, Bert Kreischer, and this guy, Brett Ernst.
00:44:14.680
And so we got to get these dudes who were like in their 30s and some in their 40s even, and we started a fraternity for them.
00:44:23.640
And we took them on like this crazy outing, and we stole this goat, and we went ice skating, and we had to do like all this rush week kind of stuff.
00:44:32.980
And one of the guys on there, he was an operator of a ride at Universal Studios.
00:44:40.600
And this man was 40, 40 years old, and he looked like a little, he looked like a lamb sort of, that it was nearsighted, like a nearsighted lamb.
00:44:54.220
And so at the party, we had a big frat party, and we got him a woman and had him slow dancing.
00:45:01.420
And I remember his glasses even fogged up, dude, like they do in the movies.
00:45:05.560
And during that moment, seeing him kiss a woman, fuck, I don't remember what was going on with me because I knew that there was somebody else who'd been through quite a different and more tough journey.
00:45:19.960
Because I'd kissed some girls, even though I felt rejected by a lot of them and, you know, probably felt and thought that a lot of them hated me.
00:45:27.580
You know, I'd certainly done some lip work with some of these gals.
00:45:30.500
But this man had never, and so this for him was a big moment, and watching him do that made me feel some joy, dude.
00:45:40.540
You know, you don't know if she told you she loved you for her.
00:45:49.020
You know, and words are one thing, man, but actions are another.
00:45:54.040
You know, and take your own actions right now to show yourself you give a fuck about you, bro.
00:46:04.160
A couple of Viettes back there just shining up your skin.
00:46:07.720
You know, put some softener on your skin, dude.
00:46:09.700
Sometimes at night, if I'm not feeling good, I put a little bit of softener on my skin before I go to bed.
00:46:14.760
You know, it's not like having somebody in bed with me, but it's like making me feel pretty good.
00:46:32.460
Me and her broke up about three years ago after dating for four years.
00:46:36.300
And she came back into my life talking about trying to rekindle shit.
00:46:46.760
I kind of like the way we had things, you know.
00:46:50.040
But I don't know if it's a good idea or not to go back to something that was broken up.
00:47:17.980
But, yeah, bruh, look, I appreciate you calling and asking.
00:47:29.320
And I called her on the phone, actually, to apologize for what a shitty boyfriend I'd been.
00:47:37.320
And part of me, I think, somewhere inside of me wanted us to be able to give it another chance.
00:47:42.080
I don't know if that was because I'd been lonesome.
00:47:43.880
I don't know if that was because, you know, I thought there were enough qualities there and enough chemistry there where there could be an opportunity.
00:47:58.080
She's, you know, got her husband, her engagement.
00:48:03.540
And that's all I can do at that point is be happy for her.
00:48:06.160
But one thing I do know is that it just, it needed time.
00:48:12.120
You know, I couldn't have called her a few years ago and done that because I was still holding grudges.
00:48:18.820
So if you're going to get back together with somebody, you've got to make sure that whatever broke y'all up before, whatever issues there were, that that shit is gone.
00:48:28.500
And you need to make sure it's gone on your side.
00:48:30.680
Like, you need to figure out what inside of you, even if she did something wrong, why were you unable to deal with it?
00:48:39.200
What inside of you, last time y'all split up, made you okay with breaking up?
00:48:45.280
You know, what inside of you, you know, made you upset enough at her where you were like, okay, good, I'm done with this as well.
00:48:53.660
And if that's not an issue anymore, if those issues aren't there anymore, then I think you can move forward and try it again.
00:48:59.480
But if you're going to rehash old stuff, you've got to start at a clean slate, dude.
00:49:04.300
Because if you're going to rehash old stuff, then it's just going to, it's going to bubble out.
00:49:10.040
You know, it's going to be the same type of thing.
00:49:12.240
Whatever happened before, those things are just going to be lying under the blankets and they're going to pop up after a little bit of sex, you know.
00:49:18.720
And I would hold off on the sex, man, honestly.
00:49:23.100
And because you guys maybe are in a different place now.
00:49:31.900
You know, at least you've got somebody coming back around, man.
00:49:37.140
It's better than, you know, it's better, it's better than not having somebody.
00:49:52.920
I mean, it's easy to just try and get up in that, you know, up in that, that kunt and just, you know, be, just get your tongue in there and just be nasty.
00:50:04.400
But you've got to take it easy when it comes to the sensuality.
00:50:07.800
You've got to build up the groundwork around that first.
00:50:12.020
Whether this is a new relationship or an old relationship.
00:50:18.980
I want to thank everybody again for helping out with the album.
00:50:21.780
I want to thank everybody that called and dropped some calls in.
00:50:27.160
I know I've got to start doing this earlier, man.
00:50:31.740
But I'll try and, you know, I'm just learning as I go.
00:50:35.320
And I appreciate you guys checking out this past weekend.
00:50:38.360
My past weekend was kind of boring a little bit, so I didn't have a lot.
00:50:41.180
I was just, it was just really just a lot of emotions and just not feeling fucking super great, you know.
00:51:03.660
On the way out, we're going to listen to, I've got this little keypad now to help me out.
00:51:08.340
You know, because we've been talking about love, dude.
00:51:14.200
I'm going to check out a little bit of Foreigner.
00:51:26.140
If you're on a yacht, that's what you listen to, boy.
00:51:49.220
I don't even know what fucking instrument that is, dude.
00:52:12.500
Find somebody to help you out if you're out there.
00:52:59.320
So we got to build it from the ground up if you want it.
00:53:31.780
Ladies and gentlemen, I'm Jonathan Kite, and welcome to Kite Club, a podcast where I'll be sharing thoughts on things like current events, stand-up stories, and seven ways to pleasure your partner.
00:53:58.100
And as always, I'll be joined by the voices in my head.
00:54:16.360
Anyone who doesn't listen to Kite Club is a dodgy bloody wanker.
00:54:21.640
Hi, I'll take a quarter pounder with cheese and a McFlurry.
00:54:25.240
Sorry, sir, but our ice cream machine is broken.
00:54:32.260
Anyway, first rule of Kite Club is, tell everyone about Kite Club.
00:54:36.380
Second rule of Kite Club is, tell everyone about Kite Club.
00:54:40.620
Third rule, like and subscribe wherever you listen to podcasts.
00:54:46.400
And yes, don't worry, my Brad Pitt impression will get better.