This Past Weekend with Theo Von - 3-26-18 Spring Romantic ｜ This Past Weekend #83

00:00:00.960 All right, this episode is brought to you by Gray Block Pizza, as well, this episode

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00:01:10.300 I will be in Tampa, Florida, April 6th and 7th.

00:01:14.420 I just want to let you guys know that you can come out and see me.

00:01:17.140 I also have other dates coming up in Hasbrook Heights, New Jersey at Bananas Comedy Club and

00:01:22.120 at Cherokee Casino and some other places, but I'll put those on the calendar coming shortly to you.

00:01:28.820 As well, you need to know about Starflow.

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00:02:23.340 The link will be in the information.

00:02:25.380 And now, let's see what we got.

00:02:28.140 Let's see what we got.

00:02:55.380 There you go.

00:03:23.380 That's Jameson Flood right there.

00:03:25.960 And that gentleman named Jameson Flood.

00:03:28.700 And I'm not sure where he's from, but that is his music right there.

00:03:32.040 That song called Every Night.

00:03:34.880 And thank you guys for being here today.

00:03:37.560 Welcome to this past weekend.

00:03:39.720 Man, you know, I almost cut the lights off in the studio tonight.

00:03:49.980 You know, because it's, you know, I'm making this.

00:03:52.520 It's nighttime.

00:03:53.500 And this is going to be ready for you guys in a few hours.

00:03:55.560 But I almost cut the lights off, man.

00:03:58.160 Because sometimes I'm like feeling that romance, boy.

00:04:01.320 And the funny thing is, I notice even if I cut the lights off, even if I'm by myself, I can feel like a little bit of romance. 0.97

00:04:10.780 You know, I can feel like a little bit of romance kind of come just kind of just tickling my tits a little, you know. 0.88

00:04:19.240 Like I just, like you, try this, man. 0.99

00:04:23.200 If you put on, put a shawl around your neck.

00:04:26.620 You know, put like a soft cloth around your neck.

00:04:29.020 Or even if you can't afford a soft cloth or a shawl or a, you know, a scarf.

00:04:34.920 Nothing heavy. 0.98

00:04:35.680 Don't get one of those heavy ass scarves. 1.00

00:04:37.980 You know, don't show up in a heavy ass. 1.00

00:04:40.140 You look like an idiot. 1.00

00:04:41.580 I'd go two soft scarves before I'd go one heavy scarf. 1.00

00:04:44.920 You know, one heavy scarf, that's some Amistad type shit. 0.98

00:04:49.000 You know, those days are over. 0.99

00:04:51.140 Okay?

00:04:52.440 Go two soft scarves and give us free.

00:04:56.800 But I love, but if you put on, and if you don't have a scarf, get you some paper towels.

00:05:02.900 Get you like about nine paper towels or eight paper towels in a row.

00:05:08.760 Okay?

00:05:10.380 Take your shirt off.

00:05:12.460 You know, take your shirt off.

00:05:13.360 If you are a man or a woman, take your shirt off. 1.00

00:05:16.280 All right?

00:05:16.560 It doesn't matter.

00:05:17.900 You know, some people have chests. 0.99

00:05:19.780 Some people have tits. 1.00

00:05:21.760 You know? 1.00

00:05:22.600 Tits is just fat chest. 1.00

00:05:24.120 That's all that is. 0.99

00:05:25.800 You know? 0.97

00:05:26.920 And chest is just lean tits. 1.00

00:05:30.640 That's, you know. 0.92

00:05:32.860 And some people have either one.

00:05:34.900 You know, my mother had them A-cups, them baby A's.

00:05:38.080 And so I didn't see a lot of tit around the house.

00:05:40.180 Even if, you know, even if sometimes, you know, sometimes when you're growing up, if you're a child and your mother have nice breasts, you get that free visual.

00:05:48.820 You know, you get that, oh, okay.

00:05:52.800 You know?

00:05:53.200 Even though it's your mother, you know, you're not being like that.

00:05:56.360 But you still get that hit.

00:05:58.820 But my mother had them A-cups, you know?

00:06:00.800 So it was more, you know, it wasn't as, I didn't get those voluptuous visuals around the house.

00:06:07.640 But what I'm saying is this, you know, is that romance can be achieved even by oneself.

00:06:14.220 Everybody thinking, oh, I got to have somebody to be romantic.

00:06:18.100 You know, I got to meet somebody on the internet and, you know, and meet up with them somewhere.

00:06:23.480 You know, in a parking lot or something.

00:06:25.900 To be romantic. 1.00

00:06:27.380 Well, that's bullshit. 0.99

00:06:28.260 Those are the old days. 0.99

00:06:30.160 You know, nowadays, here's something you can do around your house even.

00:06:33.380 If you're alone.

00:06:35.560 Cut the lights down.

00:06:36.860 Put a few candles around your house.

00:06:38.920 Don't put a bunch of candles.

00:06:41.240 Okay?

00:06:42.040 Especially if you don't use candles a lot. 0.89

00:06:44.120 Because you're somebody that's going to probably burn to death.

00:06:47.200 So just use a couple of candles, you know, put them around.

00:06:50.840 And then get you them, put on a soft scarf.

00:06:54.640 Or even two really soft scarves.

00:06:58.600 Or get you a long string of paper towels.

00:07:01.560 Put that around your neck.

00:07:03.840 And now just kind of glide around your house a little bit.

00:07:07.320 Make sure the children are asleep or whatever, you know.

00:07:10.820 Put a couple candles and just kind of like, you know, lean against a wall somewhere and be like, oh, fancy seeing you here.

00:07:20.240 You know, or open the refrigerator and just take a hit off that coolness. 0.97

00:07:24.440 Just feel that, you know, feel that cold air just fucking tickle your titty ends. 0.93

00:07:30.760 You know, you can make romance wherever you want. 0.95

00:07:34.140 Just be like, oh, what was that?

00:07:35.720 In the distance.

00:07:36.880 Even if it was nothing. 1.00

00:07:37.940 Even if it was just the puppy over there touching his little dick or something with his paw or scratching himself. 0.99

00:07:44.540 You know what I'm saying? 0.99

00:07:44.960 You can make romance wherever.

00:07:47.820 Everybody acts like we got to do this or got to do that to make romance.

00:07:51.000 But you can make your own romance.

00:07:53.700 And that's something that I'm starting to realize in my life.

00:07:56.080 That just because maybe if I don't have love in my life at some point, it doesn't mean that I can't create romance in my life.

00:08:06.900 You could do something nice for yourself.

00:08:09.600 Get you a couple of them, you know.

00:08:13.020 Valentine's is over.

00:08:13.920 They got a good deal on chocolates out there.

00:08:16.480 Go get out there and get a 40 pack of chocolates, man.

00:08:19.360 And you can get those.

00:08:21.400 Have you two or three.

00:08:22.900 Give some to a neighbor.

00:08:24.860 Now suddenly you eating chocolates with someone.

00:08:28.320 You know, you can make your own romance.

00:08:31.540 And I'm not saying that I'm not trying to get people to be alone.

00:08:34.340 I don't want people to be alone.

00:08:36.400 You know, we got this world right now that's just pushing us to be alone.

00:08:40.420 They just advertise and everything, you know.

00:08:43.500 Do you, do you, do you.

00:08:46.380 With everybody doing themselves in this.

00:08:48.080 And then you got no friends.

00:08:51.060 You got no friends.

00:08:52.040 You don't have anybody to borrow a shirt from or anybody to borrow some sugar from.

00:08:57.380 But if you happen to be by yourself, that doesn't mean that you can't have a little bit of romance in your life.

00:09:03.100 You know, I do different things.

00:09:04.340 Sometimes I'll put my pants in the dryer and then put them on my legs.

00:09:08.620 What is that?

00:09:10.780 Ooh.

00:09:12.000 Daddy got them hot sticks hanging off his hips now.

00:09:14.720 You can treat yourself to different things.

00:09:18.500 You can do different things for yourself to get that romance.

00:09:20.900 And this is the time of year to do it.

00:09:25.980 You know, because spring is in the air.

00:09:27.860 They got that love.

00:09:28.720 They got that nest.

00:09:30.760 You know, if you get outside early or something, you'll hear birds in the distance. 0.99

00:09:34.580 You know, tough fucking or even just, you know, petting each other heavily. 0.99

00:09:39.380 You know, you'll hear baby birds out there waiting for that worm. 1.00

00:09:43.360 You know, you can see even some hookers are out there. 1.00

00:09:45.580 Even hookers are happy in the spring. 1.00

00:09:47.080 You ever notice that? 0.99

00:09:48.960 Oh, you get a wintertime hooker. 1.00

00:09:51.500 You know what I'm saying? 0.99

00:09:51.900 You get that December escort.

00:09:53.880 That lady ain't fired up. 1.00

00:09:56.300 She ain't excited about the potential blowjob money that could be headed her way. 1.00

00:10:00.800 But you get out here, you know, you know, you get out here at these times and ladies are fired up. 1.00

00:10:08.140 You know, if they're working out in the streets, even ladies are fired up because it's springtime and love is in the air. 1.00

00:10:14.960 But I'm trying to create some romance for myself.

00:10:17.760 You know, I'm trying to create some romance.

00:10:21.480 Because we have to do it.

00:10:22.520 You know, you go through times in your life where, you know, I feel you go through times in your life where you don't have that love.

00:10:30.100 Where you get into bed at night and you just kick your legs out across the other side of the bed and there's nobody there.

00:10:36.720 You know, it's just you just swimming out there like that Nirvana baby in that album cover.

00:10:42.360 You're just swimming out there.

00:10:45.440 You know, when you want somebody, you want to have that other, you know, you want to have a little bit of love in your life.

00:10:50.420 But that doesn't mean you can't be romantic.

00:10:54.420 You know, you can still do romance a little bit.

00:10:57.440 And that's one thing I would do from time to time is I would, you know, wear something kind of sexy, even for a man.

00:11:05.700 You know, everybody acts like only women can have sexy clothing or do something sexy. 0.97

00:11:10.780 But a man can wear sexy stuff.

00:11:12.780 You know, you could wear some really large pants or something.

00:11:17.740 You know, you could, you know, I remember sometimes I would take, you know, my grandmother, whenever she died, they gave us some of her stuff.

00:11:27.100 And she didn't have much.

00:11:28.240 You know, she had a strong, strong ceramic reptile collection. 0.96

00:11:33.360 And then she had, what else did she have?

00:11:37.940 She had a lot of, she had saved a lot of baked goods from over the years.

00:11:42.040 But in the box still, you know, she had like German chocolate cake from like 1974.

00:11:47.760 You know, the recipe box.

00:11:49.680 So we had a couple of, you know, exotic old cakes and stuff.

00:11:53.540 You know, unmade cakes in the packaging.

00:11:55.660 But she had these kind of naughty shirts, I thought. 0.96

00:12:00.140 Blouses, they call them blouses. 1.00

00:12:02.920 And to me, they look like just fucking naughty curtains just hanging off an old lady's neck, you know. 1.00

00:12:10.100 And so when my grandma passed, I remember I was young. 0.99

00:12:13.320 I was just coming into, you know, pervity and everything.

00:12:15.560 And I was just rocking into, you know, pervity. 1.00

00:12:18.220 That's when your dick will wake you up. 1.00

00:12:20.880 You don't even need an alarm clock. 1.00

00:12:22.520 Your dick will wake you up. 1.00

00:12:24.640 Because it wants to hound around and look for some cooch, you know, or fire off at some cat. 1.00

00:12:30.200 And I noticed that, I noticed that, you know, I got that, I got a, you know, I got about a quarter box of them blouses.

00:12:41.140 Because we had four, my grandmother had four grandchildren.

00:12:44.480 So everybody got, you know, a quarter of the items in this box.

00:12:47.780 Because some senior center she was at sent us a box of her, you know, goods, you know, death goods or whatever, because she passed.

00:12:57.100 And so I got a quarter box of these blouses.

00:12:59.480 A lot of baby blue and, I mean, mint green, but there's barely any green in it.

00:13:05.400 Like you had to look deep into that blouse to even just, just catch that hint of green.

00:13:09.780 And it wasn't really a mint.

00:13:11.100 I thought it was kind of like a, kind of like a summer lime.

00:13:15.180 But I remember I'd put those blouses on, dude, and, you know, and honestly touch myself.

00:13:21.440 And I know that's crazy, but at the time in my life, you know, when I was coming in on my own, really, that I felt exotic.

00:13:30.380 You know, it made me feel, it was sexual.

00:13:34.000 You know, it was sexual.

00:13:35.280 And I remember I'd catch some real strong ends, and that means nuts, honestly, in the springtime.

00:13:42.500 Because your body's vibrant, you know, and that's where we are right now.

00:13:45.500 Your body is, people's bodies are vibrant.

00:13:48.240 You know, you'll see a woman just drop a batch of eggs in the park right now. 1.00

00:13:52.580 It's that time of year. 1.00

00:13:54.640 You know, people are fertile. 0.98

00:13:57.140 You know, you'll see a, you know, you'll see a guy, you know, jerking off into some begonias or something.

00:14:04.780 I mean, nature is looking for each other. 0.99

00:14:08.060 You know, you'll see a damn, you'll see a couple tulips in the park blow a dude, a big tulip. 0.98

00:14:15.280 Don't be surprised. 0.99

00:14:17.360 I'm just saying that love is in the air.

00:14:19.640 And that if you don't have somebody, if you don't have another person at this moment,

00:14:23.300 that doesn't mean that you can't treat yourself in ways to feel loved.

00:14:27.140 That's what I'm feeling.

00:14:29.880 Because you know what?

00:14:30.660 I'm sick of letting these lonely bugs live inside of my body for free.

00:14:36.400 You know, I'm sick of walking around thinking, oh, I don't have, I don't have, you know,

00:14:40.380 I don't have nobody to hold my heart at night.

00:14:43.780 You know, or I don't have anybody to share a toothbrush with.

00:14:48.000 Or I don't have a good person to, you know, pull their hair out of the drain when I use my shower.

00:14:52.720 You know, I don't have those love rituals in my life.

00:14:57.220 But you can have them.

00:14:59.420 You know, and you have to, some of those you might just have to create by yourself in the meantime.

00:15:03.680 But you can do fun stuff for yourself. 1.00

00:15:06.560 You know, put some fucking honey on your thighs. 1.00

00:15:10.620 You know, put some Zat Ziki on your fucking hip bones. 1.00

00:15:15.200 Do something for yourself. 1.00

00:15:16.760 Because you don't have to have another person to have romance.

00:15:23.880 But I remember, yeah, man, I would get shirtless and I would put that long string of paper towels around my neck.

00:15:29.440 And I would just kind of peruse around the house in the dark, you know, with those candles lit.

00:15:34.820 Just waiting for a big, beautiful lady just to come and just, you know, just, just blow me out. 1.00

00:15:42.200 So you have to sometimes create romance for yourself.

00:15:47.220 But I want to thank you guys for being here with me.

00:15:50.580 You know, we had such a great response last week on the podcast and it's inspiring.

00:15:55.620 I want to thank Gray Block Pizza.

00:15:57.000 That's our charter sponsor.

00:15:58.880 I could not, I could not have even started this podcast or really kept it going.

00:16:02.980 I don't think if at some point somebody didn't say, hey, I want to help.

00:16:07.320 And I'm grateful to them.

00:16:08.400 Gray Block Pizza, 1811 Pico Boulevard in Los Angeles.

00:16:11.400 If you're driving around, you ain't got nothing to do.

00:16:13.880 You got 40 minutes to kill.

00:16:15.280 Go to Gray Block. 0.99

00:16:16.580 Open your mouth.

00:16:17.620 Give them a couple bucks.

00:16:18.760 They give you some Italian.

00:16:20.000 Caw, caw.

00:16:20.900 Get that hit up.

00:16:24.120 What else is going on, man?

00:16:25.300 We had some wild calls that came in.

00:16:27.520 You know, last week I know things got a little bit, you know, we got heavy, man.

00:16:30.720 We'll keep it all.

00:16:31.520 You know, in this podcast, it goes where it goes.

00:16:34.860 It goes where it goes.

00:16:36.800 Supposed to have my first guest this week.

00:16:38.600 Do I want to tell y'all who it is?

00:16:42.240 Do I not want to tell you?

00:16:43.400 I don't know.

00:16:43.960 See, I'm kind of, I'm still a little bit nervous in this scenario.

00:16:47.320 But I don't want to tell you because I don't want to get people's hopes up.

00:16:50.800 But also, sometimes I want to put it out into the air because, you know, I want my guests to want to come on, I guess.

00:16:57.380 You know, I get nervous about having guests because I get nervous sometimes to ask people to do stuff for me or to do stuff with me.

00:17:05.880 You know, I have, I don't know, all my life I've felt like that.

00:17:09.780 You know, if I ask somebody to do something or ask somebody to do something even that's awesome.

00:17:14.900 You know, even ask somebody to come spend some time that they're going to, you know, I guess maybe that they're going to say no because they think that something's wrong.

00:17:25.820 That I guess the fear is that I'm not good enough.

00:17:29.260 You know, that they're going to be like, oh, no, you know, you know, your, you know, your little podcast or spending time with you isn't.

00:17:38.080 And that's a Hollywood thing.

00:17:39.740 You know, it's just a Hollywood thing that sometimes, but that's what keeps me sometimes from asking certain, you know, guests.

00:17:45.440 And I'm trying to just, you know, get friends that I can be comfortable with and be comfortable around.

00:17:51.660 So, but thank you guys for holding on your patience with me there.

00:17:54.620 We got the chairs in.

00:17:56.180 We have everything.

00:17:57.400 We got a guy coming tomorrow to hook up some cameras and get it right.

00:18:01.460 But we had this call coming, man.

00:18:02.960 We're going to roll through some calls that are going to fit right into the show.

00:18:05.680 I'm getting more comfortable with making things flow.

00:18:08.520 And, and yeah, man, treat yourself well.

00:18:12.800 You know, you're not, you're not lonely.

00:18:15.020 You might be alone, but you're not lonely.

00:18:18.020 You know, and there's ways to get through it.

00:18:20.820 We got this.

00:18:21.900 Let's take this hitter right here. 0.99

00:18:23.400 Here we go.

00:18:27.400 Oh, that's a song.

00:18:29.040 Here we go.

00:18:29.900 Let's take this.

00:18:30.820 Hold on.

00:18:32.780 Hold on, man. 1.00

00:18:34.540 Damn, boy. 1.00

00:18:35.760 Some white guy. 1.00

00:18:36.600 Hold on.

00:18:38.400 All right.

00:18:42.260 We got this, dude.

00:18:43.000 Here we go.

00:18:43.440 What it is, man.

00:18:45.020 Hold on.

00:18:45.700 Hold on.

00:18:45.980 Hey, feel what it is, man.

00:18:48.080 Gang, gang, boy.

00:18:50.020 How you living?

00:18:51.480 I'm living, brother.

00:18:52.860 Onward.

00:18:54.420 Say, I want to ask you a question.

00:18:56.940 Have you ever done one of those hot springs?

00:18:59.300 One of those hot spring baths? 0.67

00:19:01.880 The day I was in Glenwood, Colorado, and I did one of those hot spring baths.

00:19:07.080 They have all the minerals and everything in it.

00:19:09.340 A hot spring bath, man.

00:19:12.540 Yeah.

00:19:13.100 I mean, have I done some?

00:19:14.980 Yes, I have.

00:19:15.580 I have done some.

00:19:17.980 Let's hear a little more.

00:19:18.980 I paid $24 for a bath, bro. 0.77

00:19:22.640 I mean, what the hell? 0.97

00:19:24.520 Am I crazy, boy? 0.99

00:19:26.320 Right?

00:19:26.660 Well, if you paid $24 for a bath, man, I don't know if we know each other.

00:19:31.600 You know, because you're taking them high-priced dips.

00:19:34.080 You know, I'm not the kind of guy that will spend $24 on a bath.

00:19:39.320 Have I been to some hot springs?

00:19:40.480 Yes, man.

00:19:41.120 I was in, I actually, as a student, we took a trip one time into, I did work study on a cruise ship.

00:19:50.340 And we took a trip over to Japan.

00:19:55.520 And we walked off into Kyoto, out into the hills and stuff like that. 0.96

00:20:00.800 You know, and that's fucking, I mean, that's, you could buy some exotic swords out there. 0.99

00:20:05.520 When you get far enough out into those Japanese hillsides, it's like damn Zelda. 0.99

00:20:09.320 You know, you could reach into a bush and pull out a fucking, you know, an electric vase and change it and trade it in, you know, nine minutes later under a bridge for a couple exotic swords. 0.97

00:20:20.360 And we were out there in the countryside, what little countryside there is in Japan, and they had a hot spring. 0.84

00:20:28.900 And so me and my buddy, rest in peace, one of my good friends, we went in there, dude.

00:20:35.340 And my buddy was really good at yoga.

00:20:37.560 And he had one of them hairless bodies.

00:20:39.460 He had a hairless body.

00:20:40.460 And, you know, I'm Polish Nicaraguan, dude, so I'm a farmer.

00:20:44.840 I'm a farmer at heart. 0.98

00:20:46.920 And, you know, I got at least a couple of hecticers of decent hair around my body, especially around my ass and hips. 0.97

00:20:53.200 You know, I'm that hair boy. 0.98

00:20:55.200 You know, I'm that hair boy.

00:20:58.500 When I die, they're going to have to braid my legs before they put me in the casket.

00:21:02.880 Because I ain't going out like that.

00:21:04.980 You know, I'm haired up.

00:21:06.880 You know what I'm saying?

00:21:07.400 My uncle used to have to gel down his neck for church because he had all hair on his neck.

00:21:12.040 And some people were thinking, a beard?

00:21:13.340 Nah, not a beard.

00:21:14.800 Okay, I know where a beard goes.

00:21:16.680 I'm talking about follicled up around that neck.

00:21:20.300 And so that's, you know, that's where my family's at when it comes to all that kind of stuff.

00:21:24.660 But anyway, my buddy was hairless.

00:21:27.920 And he went in there.

00:21:29.800 And, you know, we went to these natural hot springs.

00:21:32.740 And they, in Japan, in this place, I believe the pronunciation is Kyoto.

00:21:37.400 In Kyoto, they have, you go in and you pay a couple dollars, you know.

00:21:42.920 It might have been, you know, four dollars.

00:21:45.120 And you get that, you get, they give you these slippers, these magical kind of slippers.

00:21:49.460 And you go in.

00:21:51.340 And they got men that have been sitting in these springs for like a month.

00:21:55.120 They got one dude in there.

00:21:56.380 He was all pruned up. 0.99

00:21:58.320 I mean, this guy looked like, you know, this guy looked like about a 90-year-old asshole. 0.99

00:22:04.000 You know what I'm saying? 0.99

00:22:04.480 He was, you know, kind of damp and kind of pruned up.

00:22:08.340 And then you had a couple of other business dudes in there smoking cigars.

00:22:11.440 But, I mean, everybody fully naked.

00:22:13.520 And I've never even spent time around the Japanese. 0.98

00:22:16.360 You know, I mean, they had a rumor that they had an Asian kid when I was young, about 17 miles away from where I grew up.

00:22:21.640 And we saved money to go see him one time in a taxi, but he wasn't there.

00:22:28.080 So that was a, I don't know, that could have been just a scam or something they started.

00:22:32.320 The taxi company started just to get people excited about traveling locally.

00:22:37.140 But there was, yeah, we heard a rumor there was an Asian boy and we went and it wasn't, there wasn't one.

00:22:41.400 There was a house, somebody built a house with like a roof kind of crazy on it.

00:22:45.120 You know, like this kind of exotic roof, but that was it.

00:22:48.180 So we wasted that money.

00:22:49.560 That was about a $60 venture for me and my two buddies.

00:22:53.300 However, so back to the story.

00:22:54.760 So we go in this place and every, all the, you know, they got a lot of Japanese gentlemen in there and everybody's naked. 0.99

00:23:01.300 And my buddy, he was kind of a, he was kind of a showman.

00:23:05.220 You know, he was kind of a showman and he did yoga and he did, he could do it well.

00:23:10.520 So next thing you know, my buddy's in this hot spring and everybody's getting in these pools and taking these dips.

00:23:16.680 And one of them's like this clay water and stuff.

00:23:19.140 And my buddy in front of like about nine dudes, like gets into, onto his hands, gets like straight upright.

00:23:26.360 Like so his legs straight up in the air and then just completely does his legs out to the side and just show that fricking, you know, show that, you know, that little gopher can and show that B hole to about nine Japanese guys. 0.98

00:23:43.160 And it was, I'd never seen anything like it. 0.96

00:23:46.380 I mean, first of all, I'd never, you know, I'd never seen really another man's, but I'd seen one other man's butthole, you know, and I'll tell you about that in a second. 0.90

00:23:58.000 But I'd never seen, I'd never seen a group of guys see another person's butthole all at the same time. 0.95

00:24:05.540 And so that was kind of the, that was like kind of the riveting part because it's one thing to see somebody see a butthole, you know, you can see that on the internet now. 0.93

00:24:14.940 But this was seeing a whole flock of men in a language that I didn't speak, you know, and, and, and a lot of time when you see someone who speaks a different language or from a different culture, there's, everything is a little different.

00:24:29.500 You know, some of their mannerisms and the way that they, you know, behave in the way, in the face of fear, in the face of excitement, their, their instinctual reactions to things, they're, they're, they're running off of a different DOS system, off of a different template, you know, than, than you, than we are sometimes in other cultures.

00:24:49.300 But when I saw these nine Japanese gentlemen, you know, catch a, you know, catch a hit off my buddies, uh, off that, you know, off that dirty baby wink, man, it was, it was pretty exotic, man, I'll say that, you know, about six of them bowed, kind of did a quick bow forward. 1.00

00:25:10.660 One dude looked like he, you know, almost like it was a sign, like he'd been waiting for a sign from the heavens or something, and this was it, and it wasn't good.

00:25:21.460 And then they had, I think one dude was blind, so he didn't even see it, you know, blind, if you're blind, you don't know if somebody's showing a butthole or if it's just, you know, people are just, you know, doing small talk, you don't know what's going on, really.

00:25:34.580 And, uh, and I don't remember the other, the other, the other guy, I don't, he might have, I don't remember, but those are the reactions that I remember.

00:25:43.020 You know, the last, I don't think he liked it, I think he might have scored it a two.

00:25:47.260 But that was, that was, uh, that was a time that I went to a hot spring, you know, that was my experience with a hot spring there in Japan.

00:25:53.620 You know, I did get tickled by a, by a thick boy one time on a cruise ship in a hot tub, and he was, I don't want to say he was on uppers or drugs, but it was, because it was early in the morning.

00:26:04.580 And he was only about 12, but if I ever had to go to court over that, I would, I could not imagine that this boy wasn't on some ecstasy or something, on some, you know, children's ecstasy.

00:26:16.760 But, but look, man, if you're taking $24 baths, daddy, we don't know each other.

00:26:21.960 Okay, because that's, where are you bathing?

00:26:25.080 You know, that's $3 just to even get in the, that's, that's not like a $3 entry fee to a tub.

00:26:31.720 I'm out.

00:26:32.360 You know, you see, you, you're running on them, you're running on them high class, uh, you know, you're dipping in those high class of waters.

00:26:41.700 I mean, I, you know what I'm saying?

00:26:43.040 I'll pour a couple cups of warm water on your shoulders for nine bucks. 0.98

00:26:47.720 But it seemed like you're doing, you know, you, you spend an extra money.

00:26:53.340 That's like one time somebody put me up at a hotel room.

00:26:55.620 I was doing a show.

00:26:58.140 I don't even remember where this was, man.

00:26:59.600 I think this was in actually in South Africa and I got booked on this wild show at this casino and Mark Curry was the headliner hanging with Mr. Cooper.

00:27:08.740 Um, I think Joe Coy was on it.

00:27:11.260 We had a great group of comedians that were over there and I was having a blast.

00:27:14.340 You know, I was, I mean, this was an exotic locale and I'm over there and I'm fired up.

00:27:18.940 And then they said the room was like $600 a night and I couldn't even go to sleep.

00:27:26.940 I'm like, what?

00:27:28.080 If I even doze off for an hour, that's 70 bucks, you know?

00:27:34.780 So I can imagine if you're spending $24 in a bath, you better get your money's worth.

00:27:40.400 You, I mean, I don't, and I don't know how you do that in a group bath.

00:27:42.740 How do you get your money's worth out of a group bath?

00:27:44.420 That's what, you know, but the other time, oh yeah, I forgot the other time.

00:27:48.360 I'd seen some gentleman's, uh, you know, some gentleman's, you know, dirty little secret power pothole was, uh, was they had this man in our neighborhood and when he was young, you know, he would, uh, you know, I guess we were younger than him, but he, you know, from far away, man, this dude was kind of wild, I guess, Mr. Garrett.

00:28:11.660 But, but what he would do was, and he might've been, you know, honestly, he might, and I shouldn't say this cause I didn't know it at the time.

00:28:19.980 He might've been, he might've had some mental disabilities.

00:28:22.820 I don't know that for sure, but he's still over this family and he was getting older and he wore a book bag all the time, you know, and he had kind of a, you know, he, you know, he, somebody in his family cut his hair, you know, there was some more, there were some warning signs, but he would, uh, 1.00

00:28:41.340 he would give you a couple of dollars, two or three dollars, and then he'd walk off about 40 feet and show you his asshole. 0.98

00:28:48.160 And the only thing was, you know, to make sure you got to keep that money, you had to stay there and look. 0.99

00:28:54.040 And it wasn't, you know, everybody these days, like everything's pervy and everything's, you know, in New York and LA, all these people writing all these articles and all, they're like, this is perverted and this is this and this is that. 0.99

00:29:05.960 And man, shit wasn't perverted back in the day. 0.99

00:29:09.680 You know, I was, I was at the comedy store last night and Joey Coco Diaz was saying that Christmas didn't start until somebody had their dick out. 0.99

00:29:17.840 And I'm not saying that I a hundred percent agree with that. 0.97

00:29:20.600 And I know he's joking, obviously, but people got to quit, quit tripping.

00:29:25.400 You know, it's just a bunch of people that are making money off of making all everything a big deal. 0.99

00:29:32.140 That's what I hate about some of these environments because 90% of people don't give a fuck. 0.99

00:29:38.100 That's 90% of people do not care. 1.00

00:29:41.640 You know, you know, if you got, if, you know, there's a big difference between somebody getting molested and somebody, you see somebody pull their dick out. 1.00

00:29:49.420 You can't see a dick. 1.00

00:29:50.600 What's wrong with you? 1.00

00:29:51.600 You came out of a dick. 1.00

00:29:57.000 Somebody show you their wiener or break a tit out somewhere. 1.00

00:30:00.640 Oh, well, look the other way.

00:30:04.000 Grow up about it.

00:30:05.660 I'm so sick of all of this, man.

00:30:08.380 And I'm sorry to just, I know I'm leaping on this thing, but that, you know, that kind of stuff makes me mad, man.

00:30:13.820 And all it is, is clickbait.

00:30:15.540 It's all these people just making money, man.

00:30:17.760 That's all it is. 0.99

00:30:18.740 That's why I don't be shocked when you get, you know, when people come, when you get a politician that comes in and just says whatever he wants, everybody's like, fuck yeah. 0.95

00:30:27.740 I'll listen to anybody who can say whatever they want. 1.00

00:30:30.820 Fuck. 1.00

00:30:31.120 Who gives a fuck? 1.00

00:30:32.640 Because we're so tired of the other thing. 0.99

00:30:34.480 People are so tired of the other thing.

00:30:36.800 I'm so tired of every article, everything being somebody did something wrong.

00:30:43.120 Somebody said something wrong.

00:30:45.520 Somebody hurt somebody's feelings.

00:30:49.140 You know, I'm watching these kids this weekend.

00:30:50.840 They had the parkland and, you know, talking about that tragedy.

00:30:54.120 And, man, there's a great documentary that's out there.

00:30:57.040 And I say great, but it's, you know, it's about the Newtown, you know, the Newtown tragedy that happened in, I think, Newtown, Connecticut, I believe.

00:31:08.640 Um, and, and I'm, forgive me if I'm saying it wrong.

00:31:12.640 I haven't seen it in a while, but it's really, it's, uh, you know, it makes you feel, man.

00:31:18.480 If you want those feels, you can go watch that.

00:31:20.740 But I'm watching these children this weekend and hearing some of them talk, and it's exciting.

00:31:24.460 It's, you know, it's exciting to see kids be empowered.

00:31:26.740 It also, some of it's like, like, why, where was, why aren't, like, how, why are, you know, I, I agree.

00:31:40.660 There's some weapons they shouldn't have out there.

00:31:42.480 They shouldn't have them.

00:31:43.200 I agree sometimes that do we, it'd be great to put a mandate on it.

00:31:47.860 We don't really need to make any more guns for 10 years, maybe.

00:31:52.040 We have a lot of guns.

00:31:55.580 Also, though, like, why, you know, where were these kids speaking up when one of their, when they, when there's a, when there's a kid at school who's weird or who's uncomfortable?

00:32:06.420 You know, when do, and I know that this, you know, the people that reported this, you know, the kid, the Parkland kid who, who, who, you know, committed this strategy, they reported him.

00:32:17.840 You know, people reported this kid to the FBI.

00:32:20.140 I mean, the FBI was chasing, you know, hunting down, you know, mythical servers around the universe that I don't know whatever happened with that scenario.

00:32:31.300 But obviously they had their, you know, they, or whatever they were doing, who knows?

00:32:36.420 But they didn't, you know, it seemed like every protocol was taken.

00:32:40.780 The only protocol that, that we can't really fix, you know, they can change the age of guns, sure.

00:32:47.800 That you can't buy them at 18, I think that that's okay.

00:32:50.520 You can't buy an assault rifle at 18?

00:32:52.900 A-okay, bro. 1.00

00:32:55.100 You know, I don't think you should be able to buy gasoline if you're an idiot. 1.00

00:32:59.140 I've always thought that. 1.00

00:33:00.920 Oh, you're an idiot? 1.00

00:33:02.320 We're going to give you three, and you can buy 300 miles worth of gas? 1.00

00:33:06.420 That means now your dumb ass can go wherever you want to? 1.00

00:33:10.800 Fuck that. 1.00

00:33:12.100 If you're dumb, you can buy gas. 1.00

00:33:14.340 You get enough gas to get to school. 1.00

00:33:16.940 That's it.

00:33:18.420 You walk back in, you're like, um, you only gave me like a, uh, a mile and a half worth of gas?

00:33:25.320 And the attendant's like, yep, that's because the community college is, and there you go. 0.96

00:33:30.440 I don't think, if you're severely ignorant, you shouldn't be able to just ride around the universe, you know, spreading ignorance everywhere.

00:33:38.100 But I wonder where, you know, where are all these kids speaking up when it's, you know, when people are, when you see that you got that strange bird in your class? 0.73

00:33:49.200 And why does this stuff happen now?

00:33:51.020 I mean, I think a lot of it, I mean, I've said it before, you know, I'm not trying to get too serious, but sometimes we got to talk about things that are topical.

00:33:58.440 You know, we got to talk about that stuff, you know, and I'm okay to be wrong.

00:34:02.980 I don't know.

00:34:04.160 I have no idea.

00:34:06.320 I've never been a parent.

00:34:07.920 You know, I was a kid.

00:34:08.740 I used to make fun of some kids sometimes, sometimes, but not as bad as some kids did.

00:34:14.020 I mean, I would joke around.

00:34:15.000 I would probably joke around with everybody about the same, you know, and I think everybody kind of got joked around with here and there.

00:34:22.020 But if I saw somebody that I thought was really getting, you know, being rude to, I would always step in and try to say something, try to help, you know, but some of that stuff's just going to occur.

00:34:32.720 But, you know, some, I'm just like, well, what, I don't know.

00:34:37.960 I just don't, sometimes it just seems like it's all this weird show that's going on.

00:34:42.560 Like, I'm happy these kids are motivated and, and I'm happy that, yeah, they shouldn't have to be in such fear.

00:34:50.920 Because, dude, when you think about that, think about that.

00:34:54.320 Think about that.

00:34:55.140 Think about going to school now.

00:34:56.740 When this stuff starts to happen every couple months, if it does, or every year, you know, if it increases.

00:35:03.340 Man.

00:35:06.140 I'd be scared to go to school.

00:35:07.680 If I'm already a kid that has a lot of anxiety.

00:35:11.600 I'd be so scared.

00:35:14.020 And then the kids who seem like they are, you know, uncomfortable at school or the kid who was, you know, kind of the odd duck back in the day. 0.99

00:35:21.380 Now every kid at school was probably like, this dude's going to shoot up the fucking school. 0.99

00:35:25.940 Because that's how kids are. 0.99

00:35:28.020 You know, kids have this thing built into them.

00:35:29.740 You know, I just don't know.

00:35:33.560 I don't know.

00:35:34.440 I just don't know what some of it is.

00:35:35.980 It's like, yeah, you have this show.

00:35:37.940 You have this, you know, these marches and everything.

00:35:40.080 But it's like, is it just, I don't know.

00:35:42.760 I just don't see how that solves things.

00:35:47.720 But maybe there is no solution.

00:35:50.220 You know, maybe some of it's time.

00:35:51.580 I think also we are going to start to learn, like, in time.

00:35:55.000 Like, because, you know, I grew up in a generation where we didn't have as much technology.

00:35:58.340 And then we had too much technology.

00:36:01.460 And I think we're going to start to learn how to use technology a little bit better.

00:36:04.860 And how to fit it in with who we are as humans.

00:36:07.280 I hope.

00:36:08.760 Because it's definitely, it's certainly gotten out of control.

00:36:11.880 I mean, you had all these, you know, like, you have people, kids so disconnected that just live in worlds of video games.

00:36:17.660 And you got Uber, valet, Uber cars running over people. 0.98

00:36:22.160 You got drones filming the neighbor's tits. 1.00

00:36:25.220 Male or female tits. 0.99

00:36:27.520 So some things we got to roll back on now. 0.99

00:36:29.840 Filming them neighbor's t-a-ts. 0.99

00:36:31.780 You know, I think those shouldn't.

00:36:33.100 I mean, that's kind of okay with me.

00:36:35.420 But if you're taking them $24 baths, dude, we don't know each other.

00:36:39.260 Okay?

00:36:39.880 Because you're taking them, you're taking those expensive dips.

00:36:43.820 And I don't do that.

00:36:45.400 You know what I'm saying?

00:36:45.800 You catch me in a $41 room at the Ramada where I can bathe as much as I want.

00:36:52.580 And it's included in that $41.

00:36:54.920 So I can do whatever I want.

00:36:58.900 I remember one time being in a Ramada. 0.99

00:37:01.220 They didn't even have an air conditioning in that bitch. 1.00

00:37:05.080 The whole floor was, the third floor was closed because they had some murder. 0.99

00:37:09.800 They had some murder up there.

00:37:11.740 And so we were all down.

00:37:12.760 We had to stay second floor or lower.

00:37:14.060 And I remember one of the chip machines.

00:37:20.700 Well, I remember, first of all, they didn't have an air conditioner.

00:37:22.480 So we had one of those little freezers in one of those little refrigerators in our room.

00:37:26.080 And we just opened the door.

00:37:27.460 And we would kind of sit by that when we got real hot and let that coolness hit us.

00:37:31.220 That little box.

00:37:32.060 You know, one of those little brown box refrigerators.

00:37:33.280 Those refrigerators, those little bitty ones. 0.75

00:37:35.280 And you'd open the door and just get that hit of cold air and then shut it and wait for it to make another cold hit.

00:37:44.960 And then I remember playing hide and go seek.

00:37:46.900 And the chip machine had been all busted out or shot up.

00:37:50.540 Somebody had shot it up.

00:37:51.760 It could have been a brother. 0.94

00:37:52.660 I mean, it could have been or, you know, could have been an aggressive white dude.

00:37:56.280 But somebody had shot up one of those Frito-Lay vending machines or whatever.

00:38:01.920 And somebody hid inside of it, dude.

00:38:04.600 All the stuff inside of it was out or had been broken.

00:38:07.720 And somebody hid inside that chip.

00:38:09.560 You could just open the door and get in there.

00:38:11.320 And they just in there just, you know, kind of trying to be real calm and look like a, you know, just look like a whatchamacallit or something.

00:38:20.840 Like the candy, you know, just trying to stay out of the way.

00:38:23.520 Let's cruise to another call, man.

00:38:24.980 Here we go.

00:38:25.500 What happened?

00:38:26.060 What's going on here?

00:38:27.600 Hey, Theo.

00:38:29.140 It's Andrea again from AZ.

00:38:33.220 This is Andrea from Arizona.

00:38:34.660 And, you know, unfortunately, I don't know if I remember the first time you called, Andrea.

00:38:38.020 But thank you for calling back.

00:38:39.600 More?

00:38:40.220 From Arizona.

00:38:43.840 But I also have another question, like.

00:38:48.520 Well, you have to, you got to ask a first question before you ask a second one.

00:38:54.520 You know, I don't know how much gasoline you're going to get.

00:38:57.100 Let's go.

00:38:57.780 More?

00:38:58.440 What type of girl do you like? 1.00

00:39:00.920 You know, do you like.

00:39:03.760 I imagine you like them all shapes and colors.

00:39:07.580 But what type of personality do you like in a girl, you know? 0.96

00:39:11.860 Do you like her to be funny like you or docile and quiet?

00:39:16.600 I appreciate you again, and bye.

00:39:20.620 Thank you for calling, Andrea.

00:39:22.900 I appreciate you as well.

00:39:24.300 Do I like them docile?

00:39:26.480 I mean, I don't like them under the influence of, you know, quaaludes or anything like that.

00:39:30.640 You know, I don't want a girl that you have to, you know, when you get home, you got to take her out of the trunk and bring her in the house. 1.00

00:39:34.980 So, I like a girl, you know, I don't mind a pigtail.

00:39:40.400 I don't mind two pigtails.

00:39:43.420 You know, I remember this one girl only had one pigtail in my neighborhood because they only had one barrette at her house. 1.00

00:39:49.720 And they got, her and her sister got a set of barrettes for Christmas, but the set only come with two barrettes.

00:39:56.400 And so, they each got to use one.

00:39:58.560 So, they running around each looking like, you know, half a Wendy's logo because each one of them had that just one, you know, that one stray, that one braid riding out.

00:40:11.420 You know, like a, just like a, like a diving board that was, you know, taking the afternoon off, just kind of hanging off that side, you know, ganging out.

00:40:20.240 So, I don't mind a little bit of braids.

00:40:22.700 I like a hardworking woman.

00:40:24.220 You know, I don't want any of these, I don't need, I need a teammate, I need a partner in crime.

00:40:31.180 You know, I like a woman that knows that life is hard work. 0.85

00:40:34.260 I like a woman, for me, I think that has some semblance of idea or thoughts of there being some sort of a higher power. 0.95

00:40:43.440 That doesn't have to be, they don't need to believe in Jesus Christ.

00:40:46.800 They don't need to believe in, you know, in Muhammad or something, a specific deity or a specific liaison to a religion.

00:40:56.440 But I need them to, you know, I want them to believe that there's something greater out there than us.

00:41:04.160 You know what I'm saying?

00:41:04.900 I ain't freaking backpack, I ain't carrying around no atheist. 1.00

00:41:08.180 I just can't, you know, because for me that doesn't work.

00:41:12.880 For some people it may, and that's okay if it works for you.

00:41:15.680 But I don't want somebody, you know, where every other day feels like Halloween around the house because they dark art.

00:41:21.980 What else do I like?

00:41:23.900 You know, I dated a girl with a real small head one time. 0.59

00:41:26.600 I wouldn't mind more of like a regular headed woman. 1.00

00:41:28.560 I dated a girl who had this little pin top. 1.00

00:41:32.420 You know, and sometime when I was making out with her, I could kiss her and my hands would touch under her chin and on the top of her head at the same time. 0.85

00:41:41.140 And she was an adult, obviously.

00:41:44.620 And, but I remember just like, dang, she got that little, she got that cabbage ball.

00:41:50.300 You know, and I started thinking how many ideas could she even have in this, in this thing, in this hitter, you know, on top of her neck.

00:41:58.560 You know, I was always scared somebody with a t-ball bat was just going to roll up and just, you know, try to knock a double.

00:42:06.300 Because she had that little, that little baby, you know, you know, that little, that little, you know, that little, you know, mediocre sphere.

00:42:15.300 But she was a beautiful girl.

00:42:17.040 I mean, I think she was probably the, she might have been the prettiest girl in New Orleans, but she, and, and, you know, but who knows, man.

00:42:24.420 Do I like, you know, I like a woman that's a hard worker. 1.00

00:42:26.600 I like a woman that's a hard worker. 1.00

00:42:29.660 And I want a woman that can be a mother. 0.99

00:42:33.340 You know, I don't want one of these whiny ass ladies talking about, you know, preaching all the time about, you know, motherhood and this and that when they don't even have any children. 1.00

00:42:42.380 I want a woman who doesn't mind having some children, you know, and who doesn't mind having some children with me. 1.00

00:42:47.760 I'm not looking for some housewife. 1.00

00:42:50.040 My wife can have a job. 1.00

00:42:51.240 My wife can be a CEO. 1.00

00:42:52.420 My wife can be president of the United States. 1.00

00:42:54.960 That's fine with me.

00:42:56.320 But I would hope that if we can have children that we have them.

00:42:59.980 So that's something.

00:43:01.720 What kind of ladies I like if I'm just thinking about being Randy, you know, I like, you know, I like. 1.00

00:43:09.140 I mean, I remember when I was young, I dated, you know, I like that kind of Native American looking type kind of girl. 0.75

00:43:18.320 Like if you saw her, you know, if you walk by and she was wearing a little bit of, you know, you know, if you peeped in time, if you were peeking in her windows and she didn't know you were there.

00:43:27.720 She might have had on those, you know, that buffalo skin brassiere, you know, or she might have had a couple of duck uteruses kind of woven in with some vine and holding up her breasts. 1.00

00:43:39.660 You know, just some lady that's really of the earth. 1.00

00:43:42.520 You know, that Native American kind of kind of girl, if you're peeking in her window at night, you wouldn't be surprised if her dad freaking dropped that arrow right by ear, you know, parted your hair just.

00:43:54.940 And, you know, not to look at his daughter, get, you know, changed clothes and stuff at night, even though you guys are in love with each other.

00:44:00.720 So I think I had that kind of Pocahontas sort of thing that I kind of always maybe envisioned.

00:44:06.780 You know, and my mother, you know, they say that you're attracted to some characteristics that your mother has.

00:44:12.520 And my mother was kind of was sort of kind of tall, dark and handsome, I guess, in a way, but in a female way. 0.97

00:44:19.600 My mother is a hard worker. 0.98

00:44:21.540 The hardest working man I've ever known is my mother. 0.73

00:44:24.580 And so, you know, I really admire that.

00:44:27.540 You know, I need because I need a teammate and I'm a lot to deal with.

00:44:31.740 I know that, you know, I'm really sensitive.

00:44:34.380 You know, I'm a sensitive person.

00:44:37.540 And I get better at managing my sensitivity, but I still I need somebody who's got that.

00:44:41.100 So, you know, who's able to, you know, who's able to deal with that.

00:44:45.040 So but also, you know, I think it changes over time.

00:44:48.440 You know, you know, when you some things I start to see one good thing about being, you know, single as you get older and being able to kind of see how relationships shake out and stuff is that you notice like, oh, I'm glad I didn't go with that one.

00:45:03.040 Or I'm glad I didn't go with that one or I'm, you know, or I'm not that I didn't go.

00:45:07.940 But I'm glad that when that situation didn't work out or that situation didn't work out because of this or because of that, you know, you start to see like, oh, I see how that how that person goes that way or how that type of person goes that way.

00:45:21.640 You just get more view. So that's one thing that is kind of rewarding about being single as I get older is being able to get a larger, a larger view of what's going on.

00:45:33.600 But, you know, you know, I've been fortunate enough to date to date some neat gals. 1.00

00:45:41.800 You know, I hope I haven't in my life.

00:45:45.760 I don't know if I've ever mistreated any women or done anything like that.

00:45:50.460 You know, I think I've been afraid of commitment and those sorts of things.

00:45:53.920 And so that probably hadn't been very helpful to some women. 0.97

00:45:57.600 But but those are some things that I like, you know, and for me, if a woman's funny, 1.00

00:46:03.440 that's beautiful to me, if a woman is if a woman likes to play board games sometimes in the evening or in the afternoon, then I like that. 0.86

00:46:15.120 You know, I like a girl that doesn't mind, you know, maybe doing like a silly dance or something or doesn't mind like, you know, looking silly sometimes because those things inspire me.

00:46:30.000 You know, I'm always so afraid to like, you know, it's kind of weird.

00:46:34.800 I'm afraid to look silly. 0.68

00:46:37.080 Like, I'm not afraid to tell jokes and say things that are silly, but I'm afraid physically sometimes to look silly.

00:46:43.820 And so if there's a girl that kind of is comfortable with those sorts of things, then that makes me feel I, you know, I admire that because I wish I could be that way. 0.96

00:46:55.220 Um, and then somebody that's understanding, I mean, fuck, I think I'm just describing things we all want.

00:47:02.240 But that's some of my ideas, Andrea, and you sound like a beautiful young lady. 0.92

00:47:05.600 And if I don't have somebody or if you don't have somebody, then at the very least, you know, we can still treat ourselves with romance. 0.99

00:47:11.560 So once you get out there and put some damn, you know, put some of that Zat Ziki on your thighs, you know, and treat yourself right, you know, light a candle and pour some wax on your neck or something, you know, or dip your shoulders in chocolate and lick it off. 1.00

00:47:27.200 Do that side to side, you know, that freaking nervous that be that with that nervous tongue, just hunting your freaking clavicle, hunting along your clavicle with that nervous tongue. 0.99

00:47:37.660 Just back and forth, back and forth, just getting your own chocolate hits. 0.77

00:47:42.840 Some beauty right there.

00:47:44.920 Let's hear another call that came in right here.

00:47:47.000 Just kind of chiming into the conversation.

00:47:49.400 Here we go.

00:47:50.920 Hey, Theo, this is Kara, the animal agent from New York.

00:47:54.940 Oh, yeah, Kara.

00:47:57.620 Yeah, thank you for calling back, Kara, because I told you about them animals.

00:48:01.860 You know, and I knew a lady that lived out near Calabasas, and she had all these show animals. 0.91

00:48:08.520 You know, she had like the circus mouse from Green Mile. 1.00

00:48:12.040 She had the dog from I Am Legend.

00:48:14.040 She had the cat from Sabrina the Teenage Witch.

00:48:17.320 She had a batch of snails from some famous movie.

00:48:22.060 I don't know what it was, and I'd never seen their work.

00:48:24.300 But onward.

00:48:25.420 Calling back again.

00:48:26.440 You had asked for a little bit more information about my job, and so here it goes.

00:48:33.200 So my job is totally awesome, as one would expect.

00:48:36.280 I get to work with all different kinds of animals every single day.

00:48:40.140 Ooh.

00:48:42.340 Man, that's crazy, because you probably get to see animals that the rest of us don't even know about.

00:48:47.760 You know, that's pretty fascinating.

00:48:49.740 I've always wished that, you know, that we had access to all the animals.

00:48:55.000 Let's hear more.

00:48:57.120 You know, I'm probably one of the few people in this country, at least, that absolutely loves their job.

00:49:03.620 Wow.

00:49:05.180 You know what?

00:49:05.920 You sound excited.

00:49:07.060 You sound excited about your job.

00:49:09.660 Onward.

00:49:11.200 So a couple things that people would know that we have done.

00:49:15.160 Impractical Jokers, if anybody has seen that show, which I'm sure many of your listeners have.

00:49:19.700 Yep, Impractical Jokers.

00:49:20.840 And I went on their cruise two years ago, and I met some great people on there.

00:49:24.760 My girl, Loretta, and my boy, Kevin, out there, and his brother.

00:49:27.980 I met them by the skill crane, and they were alcoholics.

00:49:31.100 And they now make all my T-shirts.

00:49:34.160 I met them on the Impractical Jokers cruise.

00:49:36.240 And they're beautiful over there.

00:49:37.400 And they've got a brother named Tom who's taller than them and may or may not have the same parents.

00:49:42.300 But anyhow, yes, I do know the Impractical Jokers, some of them, very special guys.

00:49:47.760 And you had an animal that worked with them?

00:49:49.240 Any animals that you've seen on that show, we have provided all of them.

00:49:53.080 Some of my favorite moments and some of the ones that I can be seen in are the episode where Sal is delivering the cow and also where we put the tarantulas on cue.

00:50:04.340 Oh, there you go.

00:50:05.720 Yeah, cue is a sweetheart.

00:50:07.000 Man, you know, you want to know about a group of guys, and if you don't know about them, the Impractical Jokers, right?

00:50:13.000 And they are four of the just neatest men ever, ever.

00:50:19.520 And people, you know, you might look at them and think, well, these guys just made up this silly show or this and that.

00:50:25.360 But for 20 years, they had a group called the Tenderloins, and they kept working.

00:50:32.340 And they pitched TV shows a couple of times and almost there, and it didn't happen, and almost there, and it didn't happen.

00:50:38.120 And then, boom, everything worked out the way that it was supposed to.

00:50:43.860 And success couldn't happen to four better people who have put in the work.

00:50:49.520 Who have put in the work.

00:50:50.860 But I'm grateful to know them, and that makes me cool that you work with some beautiful show animals that are obviously humorous, if your animals are providing humor.

00:50:59.480 Because I'm sure some people are only doing, you know, working with crows or working with ravens or vultures, you know, or coyotes or animals that are doing more violence.

00:51:10.040 Let's hear more.

00:51:10.720 That was me doing that.

00:51:13.880 So, a couple funny things that happen sometimes when we're on set.

00:51:18.060 But usually, if the animal is having some kind of a bowel movement or –

00:51:24.500 Oh, that's duty she's talking.

00:51:25.900 More?

00:51:26.580 – or an issue on set in that way, shape, or form.

00:51:30.880 And it's, you know, rarely, rarely, you know, somebody's pet, dog, cat, something like that.

00:51:35.760 Okay, I'm going to interrupt this here.

00:51:37.580 I appreciate you calling, Kara.

00:51:38.860 Thank you so much.

00:51:39.800 But this reminds me of a story.

00:51:42.860 They had this man in my town named Icy Mike.

00:51:45.320 And some people know about this.

00:51:46.620 And I've told it before, I think.

00:51:47.580 But he used to have different animals.

00:51:49.020 He had – I might have told this last week.

00:51:51.320 Honestly, my brain is so bad.

00:51:53.140 You got to know that about me.

00:51:54.020 I don't have a good memory.

00:51:55.680 And this man, you know, Icy Mike, he would get water from different parts of America.

00:52:00.440 And we would go – and he would freeze it.

00:52:02.860 And we would go over to his house and eat the ice.

00:52:07.840 Because a lot of us, you know, we didn't travel.

00:52:10.360 In my neighborhood, you know, you were lucky to get to Florida once, you know, by the time you were 17.

00:52:16.000 So Icy Mike, you know, he was getting water from – you know, he was getting water from Georgia.

00:52:21.960 He was getting water from – you know, he had a couple of buckets come down from Missouri.

00:52:30.180 You know, he had a couple of – he had like six gallons or something.

00:52:33.000 Somebody, you know, somebody sold him that was from Branson.

00:52:36.920 I mean, this dude was getting water from some really neat places.

00:52:40.480 And so we – he would freeze it.

00:52:43.840 And we would go over there.

00:52:45.200 And he would put it in those ice trays and stuff or just do a big block.

00:52:48.800 He'd put it in those ice trays and put the toothpicks in it.

00:52:51.960 And after we'd freeze it, we'd go over there and eat it and talk about the area.

00:52:56.300 You know, and just fantasize and just be imaginative about, oh, I wonder what it was like, you know.

00:53:01.920 You know, this water tastes like maybe they had skiers going through it.

00:53:05.600 Or, you know, maybe they had like people having a picnic by the banks or whatever.

00:53:10.520 You know, we would just use our imaginations and think about the ice.

00:53:13.860 And to try and taste different realities that could have been nearby the water before it had come to us when it was in its natural habitat.

00:53:24.920 And so anyhow, you know, sometimes he would get a big – you know, he'd just freeze it in a big chunk.

00:53:30.080 And it would almost be like a luau.

00:53:31.700 You know, we'd just chip off pieces of ice and just, you know, have a little bit of lake meat or, you know, some – I don't know if he ever got anything foreign, you know.

00:53:40.980 But he got some – you know, I don't think he ever got any like Lake Titicaca or anything like that.

00:53:46.180 But, you know, he'd have the normal Lake Pontchartrain or something from, you know, Lake Bourne, different stuff.

00:53:54.280 But maybe from like Ontario, something like that one time.

00:53:57.700 But anyhow, that was good stuff.

00:53:59.220 We would have that.

00:54:00.000 Well, Icy Mike, he took some acid one time because a lot of bad LSD would come through the south. 0.92

00:54:05.980 And the kind of shit where, you know, the next week suddenly everybody's, you know – you know, everybody just kind of like their – you know, people were wearing vests, I remember. 0.92

00:54:17.440 Or one time everybody bought a bunch of cowboy boots after some acid came through. 0.99

00:54:22.560 So you were like, ooh, you know, that kind of left people a little bit – feeling a little bit country or different things.

00:54:28.600 You know, you'd have people – you know, some acid would come through and next thing you know, everybody would be doing artwork in their yard or something. 0.59

00:54:36.220 Just, you know, shit where, you know, the acid was kind of affecting everybody as a group. 0.99

00:54:41.200 Well, Icy Mike got a couple bad hits, a couple of bad squares of that fucking paper magic. 0.99

00:54:45.800 And he had this – he quit doing the ice. 0.98

00:54:50.960 And he put all his money into livestock because his daddy had left him about $800 when he died.

00:54:55.880 So he put all his money into livestock and he bought a bunch of cattle or large animals.

00:55:00.640 One of them I think was a fat horse that had a bad – you know, it had been – somebody had kind of scalped it.

00:55:06.880 And so it didn't have like a tail.

00:55:08.760 But it looked like a cow. 0.99

00:55:09.920 You know what I'm saying.

00:55:10.640 And similar animals.

00:55:12.860 And he fed them all a bunch of stuff and he was going to have them all poop at the same time.

00:55:18.360 And this just goes back to your story a little bit, Kara, about animal bowel movements. 0.99

00:55:21.500 But where he was going to have them all shit at the same time. 0.99

00:55:24.740 So he sold tickets around town. 0.99

00:55:26.780 You know, he had – you know, he could seat about 40.

00:55:29.040 He had some old bleachers out there. 0.99

00:55:31.620 So we all going out there to watch the big shit, you know. 0.99

00:55:34.880 So everybody's fired up and people are drinking and everything. 0.99

00:55:37.760 And some people even fucking out in the distance. 1.00

00:55:41.080 And everybody's waiting for these animals all to shit at once. 1.00

00:55:44.480 And you're thinking to yourself, oh, that's creepy. 1.00

00:55:46.780 I would never watch that.

00:55:48.120 But right now you're still listening to the story and you're also thinking, man, I wonder how this went.

00:55:55.360 So therefore you would watch that because your brain's still hanging around, isn't it?

00:56:01.600 So, you know, it's coming time where everybody's expecting, you know, 845 or whatever. 0.99

00:56:06.000 All these animals are going to bust out their asses and everything at the same time. 0.79

00:56:09.580 You know, kind of not really a fireworks, but, you know, something exciting, almost a little bit biblical. 0.95

00:56:16.720 But then next thing you know, one of the animals got scared, you know, because I think a car alarm went off or something.

00:56:21.660 Somebody had a Sunfire, one of those Sunfire cars.

00:56:25.960 And basically if you ever owned a Sunfire, I think it was like a Pontiac Sunbird or Sunfire, the only thing the car did was the battery would die and the alarm would go off.

00:56:35.240 I don't even think you could drive them.

00:56:38.280 The battery died and then the alarm would go off, which was ironic because you needed the battery to run the alarm.

00:56:44.600 But those Sunfires, man, that's all, one of those went off.

00:56:47.540 Anyhow, one of these animals, and I don't know what it was, it could have been a, you know, something with a deformity. 0.99

00:56:52.900 It could have been a fucking, it could have been a giraffe with, you know, with Down syndrome. 0.99

00:56:58.120 I don't know what, you know, what was going on at the time with, but one of these animals took off and people were like, oh, shit, this isn't good, you know. 1.00

00:57:07.080 And they had a man who had been in a war or who just owned artillery, okay. 0.96

00:57:13.780 And he took a, he had a grenade, a real grenade.

00:57:17.380 And, you know, sometimes you hear about grenades and, well, sometimes you don't.

00:57:21.560 Well, this is a time when you hear about it.

00:57:23.620 This man threw, I don't know if he had a flashback, like somebody was escaping.

00:57:27.700 This was the enemy or something.

00:57:29.520 And I've never even seen a cow run, but this cow was running, if it was a cow. 1.00

00:57:34.040 And this man threw a fucking grenade, bruh. 0.99

00:57:39.740 And from looking at this dude, and I know him, you know, I don't want to say, I won't say his full name, but first name, Gary. 0.99

00:57:47.440 But spelled G-E-R-R-Y.

00:57:50.820 So I'll give those clues if somebody from my town is listening.

00:57:54.560 And some people called him Mr. Gary, and I never called him that.

00:57:58.580 But anyhow, Gary, throw this grenade.

00:58:03.280 And I'm thinking, no way Gary's going to, he don't look like a man that's very accurate. 0.99

00:58:07.720 And I'll be, damn, boy, if Gary couldn't fucking start a barbecue from 300 feet away with a damn grenade. 0.99

00:58:16.240 Fascinating. 0.99

00:58:17.640 So, you know, not cool.

00:58:19.980 And I'm not the kind of guy who glorifies that kind of stuff.

00:58:22.140 I don't think animal cruelty is good.

00:58:24.080 This is before they had animal cruelty.

00:58:26.100 This is 20 years ago.

00:58:27.540 When animals and humans were still fighting each other a lot and not seeing eye to eye. 1.00

00:58:32.060 But that shit went off, boy. 0.99

00:58:34.000 And so that's where I'm from. 0.99

00:58:34.960 If you want to know where I'm from, that's where I'm from.

00:58:38.540 So don't people act like, oh, you from Heath.

00:58:40.560 That's where I'm from.

00:58:42.780 All right.

00:58:44.320 But thank you for calling, young lady.

00:58:45.780 And I'm sorry to get fired up.

00:58:46.900 Let's hear another call.

00:58:48.020 Hey, Theo.

00:58:48.720 My name is Avery.

00:58:50.200 And I am an open mic comedian out of Detroit.

00:58:54.580 Avery, Detroit, man.

00:58:56.180 And thank you for calling, dude.

00:58:57.460 And God bless you guys, man.

00:58:58.540 I know that, you know, I can't even imagine what your state has been through in the past 20 years.

00:59:04.400 You know, I know it's probably been tough up there in Michigan and people having a tough time and this and that.

00:59:09.660 And you guys are powerful and you guys persevere.

00:59:12.520 And keep your head up.

00:59:15.060 You know, keep your head up.

00:59:18.040 Just, you know, I just can't imagine, you know, when you have an industry in your city or in your neighborhood or in your town

00:59:24.240 and your grandparents worked in it and maybe your father worked in it and suddenly that industry is disappearing.

00:59:29.680 You don't know what to do and people don't know what to do.

00:59:33.320 You know, and then next thing you know, everybody's yelling at you because you're not living your life right.

00:59:39.120 What do you want me to do?

00:59:40.040 I got three kids, you know, and I live in this town already.

00:59:43.460 I can't just up and move to, you know.

00:59:47.260 So, I don't know. 0.99

00:59:48.640 I didn't mean to get all into that shit. 0.98

00:59:50.240 But thank you for calling, man. 0.99

00:59:52.260 And onward.

00:59:53.200 Doing about a year now, just starting out.

00:59:54.960 Love listening to the podcast.

00:59:56.440 Love the motivation of you trying to improve your life. 0.79

00:59:59.220 And I heard your comments recently about masturbation.

01:00:02.080 And I have some thoughts out of it. 0.79

01:00:04.260 Well, thank you for calling, Avery.

01:00:05.700 And I do. 0.99

01:00:06.340 You know, I do do masturbation. 0.99

01:00:07.940 And I am trying to get. 0.99

01:00:09.920 I'm trying.

01:00:10.840 Onward.

01:00:11.620 And I actually do a little bit of a bit about it. 0.97

01:00:14.300 Because I don't know whether masturbation is good or bad.

01:00:17.160 Because in the Bible it says it's bad and that you're not supposed to do it.

01:00:20.200 But everybody says that it's not a big deal. 0.91

01:00:22.040 But my thought is that the Bible is right about masturbation and that it is bad. 0.94

01:00:27.440 Because it's not about the devil or anything like that. 0.94

01:00:30.480 It's bad because it satisfies you.

01:00:33.140 So, like, if you're feeling bad and you want to feel good, you either have the option to go out and make your life better by doing the hard stuff. 1.00

01:00:40.960 Or you can just rub your dick and feel good right away. 0.99

01:00:44.340 That's true. 1.00

01:00:46.040 And that's, you know, and I've chosen that path many times. 0.99

01:00:48.760 Probably 20 or 30, 20, maybe 15,000 times rubbing my dick. 1.00

01:00:54.040 I mean, like, there's a damn genie in there. 1.00

01:00:55.860 And you're right. 0.99

01:00:58.420 You know, we put these things in.

01:01:00.660 Or I do.

01:01:01.580 I'm not going to say we.

01:01:02.680 And I don't know you.

01:01:04.120 But, you know, you're sharing some of this stuff.

01:01:06.160 I put things in my way.

01:01:07.940 That anything, anything I can put in my way.

01:01:10.860 To prevent me from having to deal with myself and make myself a better person or to get better.

01:01:17.880 I will do it.

01:01:19.400 It could be a cigarette. 1.00

01:01:20.880 It could be masturbation. 0.99

01:01:22.520 It could be looking at pornography. 0.98

01:01:24.660 It could be, you know, doing some mild peeping timing from far away but safe distances.

01:01:30.160 And I don't do that anymore.

01:01:32.060 So, I don't even think I'm out there like that.

01:01:34.900 But, you know, over time when I look back at my life, anything I could do instead of having to sit there and be with myself.

01:01:44.320 Anything I could do.

01:01:46.140 And some people say, you're so restless.

01:01:48.880 Yeah, I was restless.

01:01:50.360 But I also, I didn't want to.

01:01:53.360 I was afraid.

01:01:55.240 You know, I didn't want to wrestle with what was really making me feel.

01:01:59.860 You know, I didn't want to wrestle with, you know, why do you want to go?

01:02:04.020 You know, do something.

01:02:05.680 Why do you want to act out right now? 0.97

01:02:06.980 Why do you want to go jerk off or, you know, smoke a set or do something, you know? 0.87

01:02:10.600 Or why do you want to, why do you, why do you have to, why is nothing, why are you not okay right now? 0.98

01:02:16.460 And I didn't want to answer that question.

01:02:18.080 Why am I not okay?

01:02:19.080 I didn't want to answer that.

01:02:20.920 Instead, I just wanted to find something else to do so that I could keep putting that question off.

01:02:27.660 But now I'm at a point in my life where I choose to try and answer it.

01:02:30.540 And I don't have to answer, but, you know, more shall be revealed.

01:02:36.380 I find the, the more efforts I, even if they're little efforts I make to treat myself better and to take care of myself,

01:02:46.960 more is constantly revealed, constantly.

01:02:51.460 And I never thought that would be possible.

01:02:53.260 But thank you for calling Avery and good luck out there.

01:02:55.660 And it does, it weakens you.

01:02:57.720 You know, because I used to do this.

01:02:59.080 I used to, I would meet a girl if I liked her. 1.00

01:03:01.180 And then instead I would just, I would get scared to go meet up with her and just anxiety. 0.98

01:03:05.580 I would jerk off.

01:03:06.340 And the next thing you know, I would text her or call her and cancel the date. 1.00

01:03:10.760 And then I would, I'd be so tired from jerking off or whatever because I do big jerks. 0.99

01:03:14.900 I'd be so tired from doing those big jerks that I would be too exhausted to even go out or do anything. 0.99

01:03:22.560 And so now I'm just alone by myself. 0.87

01:03:25.240 And then that being alone starts to, you know, and I said this last week, I think it's like a moss.

01:03:31.000 It's like a dark, it's like a moss that grows in the dark.

01:03:33.760 The more you stay inside and the more you be alone, that, that grows on itself.

01:03:39.220 This is real information. 1.00

01:03:40.560 You can go look at this shit. 0.99

01:03:41.620 Or you can just, if you're living this, you can ask yourself and you'll feel that it's true. 1.00

01:03:47.380 And I'm not accusing anybody or, I mean, but I've been there.

01:03:51.200 I spent probably eight years running in that same circle.

01:03:55.040 Just not taking care of myself and then feeling bad for not taking care of myself.

01:03:58.920 And back and forth, just like it was an ocean.

01:04:02.300 Like the tide would go in and the tide would go out.

01:04:05.520 And I wouldn't take care of myself.

01:04:07.800 And then I'd feel bad for not taking care of myself.

01:04:10.180 And that was it.

01:04:12.040 That was my life.

01:04:12.860 But not anymore, boy.

01:04:14.380 Not anymore.

01:04:15.900 All right.

01:04:16.320 We're going to get into a couple calls here that, you know, we have the contest every month that we just started.

01:04:20.800 This is our first month where we give away one of those Correctional Center blue This Past Weekend t-shirts.

01:04:27.300 And I'll put one up tonight on the This Past Weekend Instagram.

01:04:29.920 And if you're not following that feed, you can follow it at This Past Weekend underscore, I believe it is.

01:04:36.940 And whoever calls in, you've got to hit the hotline, 985-664-9503.

01:04:43.920 And you have to leave a message.

01:04:45.780 It needs to be 60 seconds or less telling me about your weekend and why it was great or why it was horrible.

01:04:52.940 Now, don't call in every week.

01:04:55.000 Call in when you have a good one.

01:04:56.640 Because we got a whole box of these Correctional Center blue shirts.

01:05:00.860 We're going to send them out. 0.99

01:05:02.040 And they gutter.

01:05:03.380 They gutter. 1.00

01:05:05.540 Dude, I wouldn't put an ugly baby in one of these things, but, you know, I wouldn't start a fucking fire with one of them. 0.99

01:05:12.300 If I was going to kill myself in my garage by starting up a car and putting something in the tailpipe, I would use this shirt. 0.99

01:05:22.980 But we're going to give one of them away.

01:05:25.220 This is coming in on the end of the first month.

01:05:27.740 And we've got a couple of final contestants here that called in.

01:05:30.520 Here we go.

01:05:32.100 Hey, Theo.

01:05:32.700 This is Max.

01:05:33.680 I want to share my past weekend with you.

01:05:35.800 Thanks for calling, Max.

01:05:37.440 And I have a nephew named Maximus.

01:05:39.280 And he's a special kid.

01:05:42.960 Onward.

01:05:44.440 Me and three of my buddies, we did the magic mushrooms.

01:05:49.600 Oh, boy. 1.00

01:05:50.240 Y'all got that fungus in your freaking brain. 1.00

01:05:56.680 Ooh, tickle you. 1.00

01:05:58.400 Tickle you.

01:06:01.460 Let's hear more.

01:06:02.980 We were watching Finding Nemo. 1.00

01:06:05.060 Damn, boy. 1.00

01:06:06.520 This shit got homoerotic in a motherfucker, bruh. 1.00

01:06:09.860 You know? 1.00

01:06:10.940 And maybe everything just gets gay to me, dude. 0.53

01:06:13.000 Maybe I have something going on. 0.56

01:06:15.760 Onward.

01:06:16.260 On the PlayStation 3, the PlayStation 3 has a button on it that is called like repeat the scene button.

01:06:23.500 So it repeats like a five-minute scene over and over.

01:06:27.220 Well, I'm tripping on the mushrooms.

01:06:30.120 I accidentally stepped on a remote, hit the repeat scene button.

01:06:35.500 Wow.

01:06:36.620 I can already see where this is going, man.

01:06:38.660 But I want to hear you tell me.

01:06:41.060 So after, you know, about watching the same five-minute scene probably 15 times, we all are tripping and being like, dude, we just watched a two-hour movie probably, you know, like 15, 20 times.

01:06:55.160 Like, you must have been down here for like two or three days.

01:06:58.280 So we all thought we were down there for days, son, watching Finding Nemo.

01:07:02.740 We thought we stayed up for like literally three days straight watching Finding Nemo.

01:07:08.000 That's heavy, man. 0.98

01:07:09.600 And that sounds like, honestly, a place where a couple dudes would end up fucking, to be honest with you. 0.99

01:07:13.880 And guys who don't usually fuck, but would. 0.99

01:07:16.000 And I'm not accusing you guys or saying anything, but, you know, when you got three dudes and suddenly, you know, people forget the movie's still going and the next thing you know is two days later and everybody comes up out of the basement, you know, somebody gonna be smelling like ass usually. 0.99

01:07:30.820 But thank you for calling, man.

01:07:32.160 And I'm glad you guys had fun on those mushrooms.

01:07:34.380 But you got to get outdoors in the future.

01:07:36.460 Unless you guys are in cold weather, somebody could die out there on mushrooms.

01:07:39.440 Because mushrooms will warm your body up.

01:07:41.780 You think you're warm.

01:07:43.160 And next thing you know, you die of whatever it is, emphysema or something from being in the snow.

01:07:49.960 Thank you for calling, though.

01:07:51.020 And that was an interesting weekend.

01:07:52.700 Let's hear one more right here.

01:07:54.500 Hey, Theo.

01:07:55.220 This is Andrew from Deadwood, South Dakota.

01:07:58.000 And a lot of people know what dead and wood mean separately.

01:08:02.140 But Deadwood is a place where old cowboys used to get shot.

01:08:06.520 Anyway, they have a big party every St. Paddy's Day.

01:08:10.520 And my brother came down from college.

01:08:12.800 This past weekend, we went gambling and we went partying and drinking.

01:08:18.800 No drugging.

01:08:19.960 But it was really good because I hadn't seen him in a while.

01:08:22.560 Oh, that's nice.

01:08:23.240 I'm glad you got to spend some time there with your sibling.

01:08:26.160 More?

01:08:27.320 We got out during the day.

01:08:28.480 It was a beautiful day on Friday.

01:08:30.280 And we went rock climbing. 0.99

01:08:32.540 Damn, y'all active. 0.99

01:08:34.700 Y'all brotherhood is really active. 0.99

01:08:36.140 My brother and I, we barely get over to the Pizza Hut.

01:08:39.340 More?

01:08:40.140 And then it snowed a ton on Saturday. 1.00

01:08:43.740 Damn, and this shit's starting to lead to romance, too. 0.99

01:08:45.940 You notice how a lot of these boys' things be leading to romance, boy? 1.00

01:08:51.220 Let's hear more.

01:08:51.980 Thank you.

01:08:52.580 I had to go up snowboarding.

01:08:54.120 Deadwood's up in the mountains of South Dakota.

01:08:56.580 And so it was a really good time.

01:08:57.740 And I really enjoyed seeing my brother.

01:08:59.640 My dog just died.

01:09:01.280 And so I've been, you know, kind of lonely.

01:09:03.840 I moved here by myself.

01:09:04.900 And so it was a really, really special weekend just to kind of grow it up and see him.

01:09:14.500 Oh, man, I appreciate you calling and saying that, dude.

01:09:18.580 That's nice.

01:09:19.400 I'm glad you and your brother got to spend some time together, man.

01:09:24.680 You know, it's, but it sounds like you made the most of it.

01:09:28.440 You know, and that's something I want to do more in my life is just, you know, I want to try and make the most of this time.

01:09:33.840 Because I get caught in the same habits, you know, okay, well, let's just stay in and watch the tube or let's, you know, you know, I'll just eat the same thing.

01:09:43.200 I'll just have the same macaronis.

01:09:45.540 You know, I'll just have a, you know, I'll just get a pear and just cut this pear up and have another pear.

01:09:50.580 But sometimes, you know, you got to be adventurous and you got to get up early and take that, take and you got to make your life.

01:09:58.280 You got to add spice to it.

01:09:59.820 You know, and it doesn't, you got to add, I mean, I hate to say it, man, but you got to go back to that romance.

01:10:06.540 You got to go back to that romance.

01:10:09.120 You know, that's all I, that's what it is.

01:10:11.060 You got to add that romance to your life.

01:10:13.380 And it doesn't even have to be in a sensual way or in anything.

01:10:17.000 But you and your brother, you decided to make your, put some, some type of a feeling in your day.

01:10:22.240 You know, some type of an action, some type of a, you went, you know, you guys went rock climbing, you went snowboarding. 0.99

01:10:27.680 Man, Jesus, man, if my brother and I went and did that, one of our fucking legs would fall off. 0.94

01:10:33.700 But you made it, you know, you got, you got active. 0.99

01:10:37.660 And that is, that's the kind of thing that'll keep us out of the dark arts is staying active.

01:10:43.800 Because otherwise you out there like me and Avery out there in Detroit, jerking off and wondering, you know, how Eminem just seems so different than he did 20 years ago.

01:10:55.020 I mean, you just don't know.

01:10:56.540 Wow. It's wild, man.

01:10:59.060 But you, you, but you out there, you're making your life, you're adding romance to your life.

01:11:03.300 And I appreciate that, Andrew.

01:11:04.500 I appreciate you calling.

01:11:05.440 It sounded like a great weekend you had.

01:11:07.960 So those are two weekends that came in and those will be, those are contestants.

01:11:12.460 And I already, I know the winner right here.

01:11:15.360 And I'm going to play it for you right now.

01:11:17.600 You heard it before, but here it is.

01:11:19.300 Hey, Theo, this is Nate from Massachusetts.

01:11:21.840 Just calling to share the best weekend I had in a long, long time.

01:11:25.800 I got to spend a beautiful, sunny, late winter Saturday out on the ice fishing with my six-year-old son and both of his granddaddies.

01:11:34.340 You know, by the time I was old enough to remember him, half my grandparents passed on.

01:11:41.400 And by then, the other half maybe didn't have time to go out and spend a whole day out on the ice with a youngster.

01:11:47.240 There you go.

01:11:48.560 And that's going to be it, man.

01:11:49.460 There was more to that call, but I'm going to shut it down there.

01:11:51.560 That's Nate.

01:11:52.860 Nate's going to get that blue correctional center blue hitter.

01:11:55.980 And we'll send that to you.

01:11:56.960 Nate, we'll hit you up over text.

01:11:58.400 And thank you for that call, man.

01:11:59.460 I'm glad you and your boys got to get out there in that frozen tundra. 0.99

01:12:02.180 Because a lot of people, when the story is you hear when people go out onto the ice with senior citizens, you know, it's like a lot of Italian shit. 1.00

01:12:10.040 You know, somebody gets gunned down. 0.99

01:12:11.960 It's mafioso style.

01:12:13.160 So to know that you guys are in a family atmosphere out there enjoying one another's company, you know, no big debts to pay off and nobody, you know, getting revenge or anything for a previous issue or, you know, something, you know, some super Italian activity.

01:12:29.500 Beautiful.

01:12:30.400 So, Nate, you got that correctional center blue hitter.

01:12:32.680 We'll send that to you.

01:12:34.860 Last week, on the last episode, I talked about, you know, going to therapy and struggling with whether or not I want to go to my therapist.

01:12:41.820 Oh, I got to tell you this, too.

01:12:43.740 My boy, last week we talked about, he sent me these candles, you know, and I got them lit right in here.

01:12:49.140 And these are root beer.

01:12:50.720 And it's a nice man, dude.

01:12:53.020 It's the candle man, he said.

01:12:54.540 He sent me this note.

01:12:55.280 And I couldn't open them last week because the packaging was just too much stuff in there.

01:13:00.940 I was going to get all over all the little shards of paper and just thing like that.

01:13:07.320 But he sent me these, man.

01:13:08.780 And I'm going to put a link to them.

01:13:10.340 I just really appreciate it.

01:13:11.240 They're nice candles.

01:13:12.160 And candles make me relax, man.

01:13:15.480 It's crazy.

01:13:16.280 If you're a big fire, a big fire will make you get your laptop, get your animal, get out the house.

01:13:23.500 You know, get your baby book or whatever and get it, you know, get a couple thing of jewelry and get out the house.

01:13:29.100 But a little candle, a little fire will make you feel comfortable.

01:13:34.020 So, really, a lot of our comfort in life is based on how much fire is around.

01:13:40.460 I noticed that.

01:13:41.840 But, yeah, he has some beautiful candles right there.

01:13:43.940 I'm going to put a link to them below.

01:13:45.340 Joey P. Montt.

01:13:47.180 Handmade upcycled container candles.

01:13:50.200 And I'll put a link to his.

01:13:51.220 He has an Epsi shot on a Facebook page.

01:13:53.500 But it's a Hangover Candle.

01:13:55.920 And you can check them out at Hangover Candle.

01:13:58.780 And they're nice.

01:13:59.540 And I appreciate that nice gift, man.

01:14:00.960 Helps me feel relaxed here in the new studio.

01:14:04.200 Here we go.

01:14:05.080 I go to therapy.

01:14:06.400 And some of them I feel like not going.

01:14:07.800 And I feel like not going.

01:14:12.360 We talked about it last week or I did that.

01:14:14.240 I just don't, you know, I get that thing.

01:14:17.060 It's like, you don't need to go.

01:14:18.180 You don't need to go.

01:14:19.060 This, you know, this ain't helping you anymore.

01:14:21.920 You know, this ain't helping you anymore.

01:14:24.660 And here's a, we had this call that came in about some advice about therapy.

01:14:29.100 Here we go.

01:14:30.260 Hi, Theo Vaughn.

01:14:32.260 Hi.

01:14:32.740 So, I've called you before.

01:14:33.840 And I have some advice for you because I'm getting ready to go to my shrink right now.

01:14:39.140 Okay, you're about to shrink out more.

01:14:41.740 It took me a while to decide to go see one.

01:14:44.380 And once I did and found someone I really liked, I see now why it's valuable. 0.93

01:14:50.420 It took me a while to figure out what the point of rehashing, like, painful bullshit could possibly be. 0.92

01:14:58.100 But whatever. 0.97

01:14:59.820 That's everybody's own journey.

01:15:01.940 But I do have some advice.

01:15:03.840 When you feel like you don't want to go there, when you don't want to go see a therapist, generally, here's what I do.

01:15:10.680 I say, I don't want to talk about it.

01:15:13.260 That's generally why I don't want to go see her.

01:15:17.220 Okay.

01:15:17.760 And we got this call right here on that topic.

01:15:21.580 Hi, Theo Vaughn.

01:15:23.600 Hi.

01:15:23.900 So, I've called you before.

01:15:25.440 And I have some advice for you.

01:15:27.620 When you feel like you don't want to go there, when you don't want to go see a therapist, generally, here's what I do.

01:15:34.560 I say, I don't want to talk about it.

01:15:37.120 That's generally why I don't want to go see her.

01:15:39.660 Yeah, that's true.

01:15:40.460 That's what I, yeah.

01:15:42.240 I don't want to go, well, my brain will say, oh, you're too busy.

01:15:45.780 You got too much going on.

01:15:47.200 You don't have time.

01:15:48.180 Those sorts of things will be some of the excuses that will come into my head.

01:15:51.500 But let's hear more.

01:15:52.160 And then I ask myself, what don't you want to talk about? 0.99

01:15:57.700 And there is inevitably a huge list of shit I do not feel like talking about. 0.96

01:16:04.580 And that is absolutely what I'm paying her to listen to. 0.99

01:16:08.220 Amen.

01:16:08.940 That's a good, that's a great, that's a great little, you know, for some, that's a great, that's a great little thing that could help you.

01:16:14.660 You're thinking about not going to a therapist.

01:16:16.460 You're thinking, why don't I want to go?

01:16:18.820 What don't I want to talk about?

01:16:22.160 I can answer for you.

01:16:23.160 What don't I want to talk about with my therapist?

01:16:25.160 I don't want to talk about that I don't like her sometimes.

01:16:28.800 Sometimes she makes me feel uncomfortable, you know.

01:16:32.320 But it's such few moments that compared to the weight of the times that I've felt helped, that it doesn't even compare.

01:16:44.920 But that's one thing that could pop into my head and that will sometimes.

01:16:47.900 Sometimes what else I don't want to talk about, you know, that I'm afraid of commitment.

01:16:54.860 You know, I don't want to talk about the fact that, you know, I'm afraid to get married and have a family because, you know, I might ruin it.

01:17:01.060 You know, I don't want to talk about, you know, the fact that I feel sometimes that by living in Los Angeles, you know, that I'm like letting my family down because they don't get to see me very much.

01:17:14.980 And it's crazy because the same things that, you know, what brought me out here sometimes in the beginning or made me want to chase some of these dreams I have was feeling like nobody, there was nothing holding me back because I didn't have any real family.

01:17:30.240 And then now my family's changed so much over the years that now I feel that, you know, I'm, that now I'm, you know, letting them down by being here.

01:17:46.200 You know, and I know some of that's not true, but it's still, you know, or, or just that I'm, you know, not taking advantage of what's most important.

01:17:54.940 And, uh, so those are some things, yeah, maybe I'll, you know, that I don't want to talk about.

01:18:00.740 Why? So why wouldn't I want to go? Cause I wouldn't want to say those things.

01:18:03.580 I wouldn't want to tell somebody that, you know, I wouldn't want to tell somebody that, you know, that part of me is worried that I'll be alone forever.

01:18:12.220 And not because somebody won't love me or won't care about me, but because I won't let them, you know, that I won't really do the work to let them.

01:18:21.040 Um, but thank you for your call. Let's hear another caller too. That came in real quick. Here we go.

01:18:25.980 Hey, yo. It's your boy Roel from Houston, Texas.

01:18:29.940 Roel. Thank you for calling.

01:18:32.160 There's a thing off of a YouTube from Jocko Willick. It's called good.

01:18:37.900 Jocko Willick. Yes. Um, uh, tell me more.

01:18:43.160 And it's excellent. I like to read. And it says, uh, if you can say the word good, guess what?

01:18:51.420 It means you're still alive. It means you're still breathing.

01:18:55.960 And if you're still breathing, well then hell, you still got some fight left in you.

01:19:02.660 So get up, dust off, reload, recalibrate, re-engage, and go out on the attack.

01:19:15.040 Hey, yo.

01:19:16.500 Wow.

01:19:16.920 I'm boy Roel from Houston, Texas.

01:19:18.460 There you go.

01:19:20.220 And he said right there that if you can say the word good, then you got some fight left in you.

01:19:26.200 You know, that's a nice moniker too to go by.

01:19:29.300 And so you need to get out there and go out on the attack. 0.99

01:19:31.380 And I do believe that we, if you want this world, if you want this shit, you gotta stay on it. 0.99

01:19:38.440 You gotta, you have to stay on it. 0.99

01:19:41.400 You have to have your plan and you gotta work toward it.

01:19:44.120 You gotta move forward.

01:19:44.980 And you can let yourself go here and there.

01:19:47.620 You can let yourself down sometimes.

01:19:49.500 But we need to have a plan long term to keep ourselves up.

01:19:52.760 And if you can't find it, then ask somebody who has one.

01:19:56.900 It's amazing how much people are willing to help other people.

01:19:59.340 I will never, ever be surprised by the kindness in humans.

01:20:07.180 Never be surprised, man.

01:20:08.980 Like old Blanche, what's her name, said in Streetcar Named Desire, I've always depended upon the kindness of strangers.

01:20:15.360 And that's true for me as well.

01:20:17.280 Thank you for calling Roel.

01:20:18.140 Here we go.

01:20:18.960 This call came in.

01:20:20.680 This fellow looking for some suggestions and guidance.

01:20:23.880 Here we go.

01:20:25.100 Yo, what up Theo?

01:20:26.660 It's your boy Chris Jones in Atlanta.

01:20:29.340 What's up, Chris Jones?

01:20:30.460 And they had a boy when I grew up named Chris Jones.

01:20:32.940 Named Toby.

01:20:33.840 His nickname was Toby.

01:20:35.780 You know, like a piece of your foot.

01:20:37.760 But different.

01:20:39.400 And he was always kind of a nice and wild kid.

01:20:43.940 Who lived in my area.

01:20:45.600 You know, he kind of had that, he had a little bit of danger in him.

01:20:48.820 You know, he had that squirrel. 0.99

01:20:49.980 He almost, he always had like a fucking, you know, kind of a squirrel living in his neck a little bit. 0.99

01:20:55.100 He was ready to go. 0.99

01:20:56.140 You know, more?

01:20:57.340 I was calling.

01:20:58.280 And I was just thinking, because I just had, my wife and I had our first son.

01:21:05.060 Congratulations, brother.

01:21:06.340 Thank you.

01:21:07.240 Thank you.

01:21:08.740 And had him on March 19th, which is your birthday.

01:21:12.480 I know.

01:21:13.500 Which, thank you.

01:21:14.880 Hank Jones.

01:21:16.100 And had him on March 19th, which is your birthday.

01:21:19.800 I know.

01:21:20.660 That's my birthday, man.

01:21:21.760 I appreciate it.

01:21:22.380 And I'm happy to share it with your boy.

01:21:23.680 And when I leave this, when I leave this earth, he'll probably still be around to carry it on.

01:21:28.120 So, I appreciate you sharing that more.

01:21:30.940 Well, it's super awesome, as far as I'm concerned.

01:21:35.080 Had the same birthday as Theo Vaughn.

01:21:37.540 Well, I'll tell you this.

01:21:38.580 We both have the same birthday as Dr. Seuss.

01:21:41.460 And his name is Theodore Giesel.

01:21:43.580 And he was born on March 19th.

01:21:45.240 So, I think that's somebody that's way more interesting.

01:21:48.780 But that's pretty cool as well, as well as your boy, Moore.

01:21:52.420 But anyway, my question is, before that, I had a daughter and a wife. 0.99

01:22:00.360 And ever since we came home with the boy, now it's kind of even the penis to vagina ratio in the house. 0.91

01:22:08.160 And there's been nothing outward, but I feel that silently there's been a turning of the attitude on the female part. 0.97

01:22:21.060 Well, yeah.

01:22:23.020 Yeah, man. 0.51

01:22:23.880 Because they see they got more cocks in the kennel. 1.00

01:22:27.800 You know what I'm saying? 0.99

01:22:28.380 If you cock up a kennel, bruh, you know, then Vegeta's going to get wild. 1.00

01:22:35.260 They're going to get scared.

01:22:36.900 And that's normal, man.

01:22:39.200 That's nature.

01:22:41.040 You know, a lot of times we don't realize, and I'm not saying you don't realize, but a lot of times we have to remember that nature's doing other things.

01:22:47.720 We're just little pieces of nature.

01:22:49.960 You know, we're just pawns and rooks.

01:22:51.980 And we might think we're kings and queens, but we're pawns and rooks.

01:22:55.640 And Mother Nature have this bigger thing going on. 1.00

01:22:59.360 Mother Nature could send a meteor, and it's a wrap.

01:23:03.960 Okay?

01:23:04.360 I don't care how many Instagram followers we got or how many new Dodge Caravans we own or are leasing.

01:23:12.720 It's a wrap.

01:23:13.620 And, you know, somebody was telling me the other day, and this could just be hearsay, I don't know.

01:23:21.460 But somebody was telling me that if there is a, that when things start to get kind of wild in the universe, that more women will be born.

01:23:31.120 When there's more stress in an area or in a country, that more females will be born. 0.99

01:23:38.020 And that's crazy, man.

01:23:41.000 Because, you know, the world knows that it needs more motherhood and more pacificity.

01:23:46.340 And it needs more that ability to understand, I think, that is innately built into a woman. 1.00

01:23:52.840 Or most women. 1.00

01:23:54.260 Now, there's some American women out here that are trying to really test that shit. 1.00

01:23:58.020 That are trying to go against Mother Nature. 0.99

01:24:00.620 And I don't know how that's going to work sometimes in the end.

01:24:04.180 But I think that there's, you know, Mother Nature has a plan.

01:24:08.740 You know, we got to believe that, I think.

01:24:10.620 And that's probably all that's going on you got over there.

01:24:13.040 You know, it's just like Father Time and Mother Nature just moving their rooks and pawns around.

01:24:19.620 And they just added another little rook to your game set over there.

01:24:22.960 Let's hear another call there.

01:24:24.020 But I appreciate, oh, you had a question.

01:24:25.680 Let me hear what the question is.

01:24:26.700 And I'm wondering if you ever had any experience with that, your thing where, you know, the girls are outnumbered and they put out a different vibe. 0.92

01:24:36.680 But then once, you know, you kind of even up that pain to the gene race.

01:24:42.320 No, I've never, I don't know much about that.

01:24:45.560 I do, I did hear, though, that if a lot of girls ride together on a bus or something for a long distance, that all their periods will line up. 0.99

01:24:53.560 And they will do that, you know, kind of, kind of sort of the same thing that Icy Mike was trying to put on.

01:25:00.320 You know, they were trying to put that big, that big viewlation.

01:25:04.740 You know, they're trying to, you know, put that big ovulation at one point.

01:25:08.520 You know, there's that big outgoing tide all of a sudden at one point.

01:25:12.320 So I heard that if girls ride like a couple hours on a, I don't want to say a school bus or a greyhound. 0.99

01:25:16.920 Yeah, not a school bus because we're talking about adults.

01:25:20.060 But on a greyhound or on a bus, then they will all have the same period clock, period schedule.

01:25:27.620 But thank you for calling, man.

01:25:28.640 I wish I knew more.

01:25:29.420 Here we go, Pat.

01:25:30.600 Theo, what's up?

01:25:31.580 My name's Pat.

01:25:32.500 I'm from Cleveland.

01:25:33.680 I'm 34.

01:25:35.440 I started listening to this past weekend, probably four weeks ago.

01:25:39.340 I listened to all of them.

01:25:40.260 And now I'm listening to Allegedly, so pretty big fan.

01:25:43.180 Thank you, Pat.

01:25:44.040 And John Huertes from This Is Us is on the Allegedly episode that's on right now.

01:25:51.280 I'll put up a picture of that on my Instagram to remind people.

01:25:54.060 Thank you for calling, Pat.

01:25:54.980 You sound down in the dumps, brosy.

01:25:56.320 What's up?

01:25:56.740 I got a question.

01:25:59.200 I'm a painter.

01:26:00.440 I got a couple of kids and a wife.

01:26:03.220 And it's been pretty rough the past, I'd say, two months.

01:26:08.740 I just bought a house and, you know, might have been a little out of reach for me.

01:26:13.000 Just had to borrow money from my father.

01:26:17.380 Anyways, I really freaking hate my job.

01:26:20.460 So it sounds like you definitely have some new stress going on, man.

01:26:25.620 I'm sorry to hear that.

01:26:27.120 You know, I know that's a big, that's a scary moment when you get something new and you have

01:26:31.040 that new lease milling about.

01:26:33.640 You got the family, too.

01:26:35.140 That is a fixed cost at this point because you can't.

01:26:38.860 I mean, that's a fixed cost emotionally and fiscally because you can't adjust that.

01:26:44.580 You had to borrow some money for your father.

01:26:46.320 I'm sure that that can be, I don't know y'all's relationship, but that can, it might come with

01:26:50.200 some extra feelings of weakness or inferiority that may accompany that move depending upon

01:26:55.340 your relationship with your dad onward.

01:26:57.700 And like I said, I'm 34 and I'm not sure what I even want to do and how to go back to

01:27:04.480 college even or even if I'm smart enough or whatever. 0.95

01:27:07.720 I know I sound like a bitch right now, but just. 0.97

01:27:10.780 That's okay, man. 1.00

01:27:11.640 We all bitches, bro. 1.00

01:27:12.820 More? 0.99

01:27:13.600 Just looking for any advice on kind of just trying to start over and be able to, you know,

01:27:20.360 support my family at the same time.

01:27:23.780 Well, you know, I don't have a lot of suggestions in that world and some other people might,

01:27:28.960 you know, and they can hit the hotline 985-664-9503 about starting over and about switching moves

01:27:36.080 and, you know, I think a little bit, you're going to maybe hate to hear this, but it sounds

01:27:42.420 like, and I, you know, I don't even know if I could do it, but it sounds like, you know,

01:27:47.380 I mean, you got to man up.

01:27:52.380 You got to man up.

01:27:53.580 You know, yeah, you could, I mean, you certainly look, you could take some classes and try

01:27:58.260 to ease into school, try a night course or try a, you know, try a class here and there.

01:28:03.360 You can do that.

01:28:04.780 You know, that's highly, that's highly plausible.

01:28:07.640 But I mean, first and foremost, you know, you have to make sure you have income coming

01:28:10.800 in.

01:28:11.140 You know, you have to create a schedule where you're going to be paying your stepdad back

01:28:15.700 even if, or your father back, even if it's, you know, a little bit or whatever you're,

01:28:21.440 you know, you got to, you want to stick to that schedule so that that doesn't get weird.

01:28:24.780 You know, you want to keep that family thing in line at first.

01:28:28.060 And then if you can add another, you know, another log to the fire, you know, to see if

01:28:32.760 you can start a new, to burn in a new direction, then that, then you can do that.

01:28:37.480 But you're going to, I mean, it's going to take some extra, I hate to say it, man, because

01:28:40.680 you don't want to hear it, but it's going to take some extra work.

01:28:44.780 But in the meantime, look, I, I, I commend you, you know, like I'm 37, dude, I don't

01:28:52.220 have a family, you know, I mean, you tell me, you know, you got a family and that makes

01:28:57.360 me feel, uh, that makes me feel envious.

01:29:03.340 You know, you come home and you got people, you know, you got something with little arms

01:29:07.280 that runs up to you, that's not a gremlin and it wants to hug you.

01:29:11.700 And that to me, that's beautiful.

01:29:14.120 So you have some really cool gifts.

01:29:15.720 It seems like, you know, you get to paint, man, you get to paint. 0.52

01:29:19.180 And I don't, you know, I don't know if you're Dan Picasso or you're fucking PD's paint service.

01:29:23.860 I don't know which one you are, but you know, I, I love my job.

01:29:31.280 People say that all the time, but it is a job in the end.

01:29:34.580 This is a job, man.

01:29:35.560 I mean, podcasting has been something different.

01:29:37.440 This is different, but, but going to comedy, it's a job.

01:29:41.900 It was great when I started and it's still a lot of fun.

01:29:44.580 And there's a lot of times where I really enjoy it, but you still have to get up and go there.

01:29:49.320 You know, you still have to fly to Nevada or wherever, or, you know, a different state, some other place.

01:29:58.680 And you got to do it.

01:29:59.600 You still got to do your job.

01:30:01.060 I still have to do that.

01:30:03.320 You know, so work is work.

01:30:04.940 It is what it is.

01:30:06.940 You know, in a few years, your industry might change and you don't know what the next thing is.

01:30:11.080 You know, if you, you never know whose house you might be painting one day.

01:30:14.240 And then they bring you, they notice your work ethic or your attitude.

01:30:17.260 And they bring you into the fold with something amazing that they're doing.

01:30:21.160 I'm going to tell you this, man.

01:30:22.520 I, when I've been doing comedy about eight years, I was real scared.

01:30:28.160 And I was kind of in love with this girl in Louisiana.

01:30:32.520 And so I went back there for about six months and I had to get a job.

01:30:37.340 And I got a job at a taco place.

01:30:39.900 This place was making kind of decent tacos.

01:30:42.060 You know, medium, not upscale, you know, not them upscale hitters, but medium hitters.

01:30:48.080 And I had to bartend.

01:30:49.400 I was bartending.

01:30:49.940 I never bartended anything.

01:30:51.760 But they had a smoothie machine that sold, that had alcoholic smoothies, margaritas.

01:30:57.040 That's what they're, that's what they were.

01:30:58.360 And I would just make those and slang these, you know, tacos to people.

01:31:04.960 And one night I'm sitting there, I'm washing glasses.

01:31:07.260 And I was, you know, at the same time, at the same time I had comedy that was on Comedy Central that had just popped off, you know.

01:31:15.160 But that, but that wasn't paying my bills.

01:31:17.260 That wasn't taking care of me. 0.96

01:31:18.360 So here I was back in Louisiana, you know, and I'm renting a house with my sister and they got strippers coming over and stealing the vacuums and shit. 0.70

01:31:27.820 And we, and I'm out here and there's a man sitting there one night and he starts telling me about this piece of property.

01:31:34.620 And next thing you know, man, fast forward four months, I owned one of the hottest pieces of property in Louisiana.

01:31:40.580 Now I got into a weird scenario with some friends and, you know, I didn't really make the best choices and, you know, it was, you know, you shouldn't do business with friends sometimes.

01:31:54.820 And, and I lost the, the, the, the property, right?

01:31:59.320 And, but I, dude, by being there and sitting there and washing those glasses and showing up to work and just being, taking on some humility.

01:32:09.380 Dude, I'm sitting there, I was on television, which I know it doesn't mean anything to a lot of people and that's fine. 0.99

01:32:15.780 But to be sitting there, you're on TV and you the fucking, you know, you're washing people's glasses and shit, that's life. 1.00

01:32:22.080 That's fucking life. 1.00

01:32:24.400 You know, and to be able to do that and, and then that's when something beautiful can come along. 0.99

01:32:30.300 You know, and I still have to remind myself of that all the time is that, you know, if every day I got to find some way to humble myself and to just to do my job.

01:32:38.100 But yeah, man, you know, you know, if you show up and you, you know, it's only your perspective and you're in a tough spot, you got a lot going on.

01:32:44.520 So I would just take care of yourself right now.

01:32:46.400 I would make sure you get some rest when you can.

01:32:49.340 I would make sure you're eating.

01:32:51.240 I would make sure you're doing something athletic a little bit, even if it's trying to do a little jog or something to keep your blood flowing and keep your, your, your spirit happy and keep your heart healthy.

01:33:00.060 And, and, and if you can try to just adjust your perspective, then maybe what you have going on right now might be everything you want.

01:33:09.540 Because to me, dude, honestly, in some ways you sound like a rich dude.

01:33:12.420 Dude, you know, you know what I used to love to sweep the porch, man.

01:33:19.860 When I was growing up, man, I hated where we lived.

01:33:25.160 You know, I hated, I hated feeling poor.

01:33:29.880 I hated all the shame that I came, that I felt every day when I woke up.

01:33:33.880 But one thing I love to do is sweep the porch.

01:33:35.900 Because when that thing was done, boy, that thing was done.

01:33:40.320 And I worked on a farmhouse over there in Natchez, Mississippi, outside of there, near Vidalia, over near, off of the levee.

01:33:47.120 And I used to, and then they let me paint the farmhouse one summer.

01:33:51.160 And man, I felt achievement.

01:33:55.640 So, you know, we all have little things and maybe, you know, you won't paint forever.

01:33:59.680 But right now, try and just, you know, if you show up to paint and you're fired up about it,

01:34:04.720 the brush is going to be lighter, the color is going to be brighter, you know.

01:34:10.340 And when somebody, you know, you never know who you're going to pass across.

01:34:13.980 Things change a lot.

01:34:15.480 And change can be waiting for you.

01:34:17.780 But you've got to put yourself in a position.

01:34:20.200 You know, you might not have to take that class.

01:34:22.260 You might not have to go back to school.

01:34:24.360 You know, or you might.

01:34:26.280 But, you know, you get a little bit lighter in your brain,

01:34:28.940 I bet that you are going to get, you're going to have more room inside of yourself for clarity for what could best occur.

01:34:37.240 And, of course, I do not know, man.

01:34:39.260 I don't know anything.

01:34:40.240 But that's something that I would maybe try, you know.

01:34:44.040 All right.

01:34:44.640 One more thing here and then we'll be done, man.

01:34:46.760 Here we go.

01:34:47.400 What up, Dale?

01:34:48.100 This is Jesse Fidnass, man.

01:34:49.480 I was calling to remind you, son.

01:34:50.680 You said you were going to drop a new clip on the YouTube channel when you hit that 30,000, the subscribers.

01:35:00.800 And you're up about 31 now.

01:35:03.600 So, you know, you owe the gang a clip, son.

01:35:08.280 You're right, Jesse.

01:35:09.420 I do.

01:35:10.280 And you know what?

01:35:10.900 I tried to record it over there in Tacoma and I got to look at the tapes.

01:35:13.340 I haven't had an opportunity yet.

01:35:15.060 But I promised YouTube followers when we got to 30,000 that I would put the clip up.

01:35:19.780 And, Jesse, I appreciate you holding me accountable to that.

01:35:23.020 And I will do it.

01:35:25.740 If the clip is good, because I do want it to put it up in a format where it's, you know, best serves the material.

01:35:31.880 So, I'm going to try to get that up.

01:35:34.380 If the tapes that I got over there in Tacoma were good, then I will get this up.

01:35:38.640 And if not, then I will get it up really, really soon.

01:35:41.420 I appreciate that call, Jesse.

01:35:42.920 As always, you know, you can hit the hotline, 985-664-9503.

01:35:50.080 If you have any thoughts or suggestions or anything like that.

01:35:54.080 You know, this show is going to change all the time.

01:35:58.280 You know, we don't know what it is sometimes.

01:36:00.520 And we're still figuring it out.

01:36:01.820 And I'm hoping to have a guest coming up soon.

01:36:04.460 And what else?

01:36:06.340 Oh, that's an email.

01:36:10.020 On the way out, man, I'm going to play this again.

01:36:11.940 This is by Jameson Flood.

01:36:14.780 And I appreciate you guys being here with me tonight.

01:36:17.500 Take care of yourselves.

01:36:18.540 We may have a Thursday episode.

01:36:19.720 It depends.

01:36:20.640 Trying to get this guest in.

01:36:22.260 If not, I know you guys have Easter.

01:36:23.980 This is Easter week.

01:36:25.360 You know, heading into Good Friday.

01:36:26.720 And, you know, try and celebrate.

01:36:30.220 Try and, you know, every, you know, life can be heavy sometimes.

01:36:34.700 But we have the option of how much we want to feel the weight.

01:36:43.460 You know, sometimes we have a little bit of room there where we can just not feel it so much.

01:36:50.080 You know?

01:36:51.900 But find some romanticism in your life this week.

01:36:54.320 Whether you got to tell yourself you love you.

01:36:55.980 Whether you got to tell your higher power that you love them. 1.00

01:37:00.220 You know, whether you got to hug a kid or fucking, whether you got to paint, you know, less fuck on the side of somebody's house. 1.00

01:37:10.320 Whatever you got to do. 1.00

01:37:11.380 Like my boy Pat out there.

01:37:13.980 But thank you guys for your support.

01:37:17.300 Let's keep it romantic.

01:37:19.080 Let's keep it romantic, huh?

01:37:20.360 And I'll see you guys either Thursday or I'll see you next Monday.

01:37:23.440 You guys be good to yourselves.

01:37:24.560 This is Jameson Flood with Every Night.

01:37:27.700 Every night I feel like a fake.

01:37:53.980 I put on a show, knowing nobody will go.

01:38:03.980 Every night you sleep.

01:38:08.520 Every night I'll play a beat.

01:38:11.300 Steal your things that you know, but you still...

01:38:15.980 That it was me.

01:38:22.980 Yeah, it was me alone.

01:38:27.980 Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh.

01:38:33.980 Ladies and gentlemen, I'm Jonathan Kite and welcome to Kite Club, a podcast where I'll be sharing thoughts on things like current events, stand-up stories, and seven ways to pleasure your partner.

01:38:45.420 The answer may shock you.

01:38:47.420 Sometimes I'll interview my friends.

01:38:49.760 Sometimes I won't.

01:38:51.460 And as always, I'll be joined by the voices in my head.

01:38:54.420 You have three new voice messages.

01:38:57.000 A lot of people are talking about Kite Club.

01:39:00.300 I've been talking about Kite Club for so long.

01:39:02.980 Longer than anybody else.

01:39:04.660 So great.

01:39:06.000 Hi.

01:39:06.620 Sweetie.

01:39:07.560 Here's a deal. 1.00

01:39:08.920 Anyone who doesn't listen to Kite Club is a dodgy bloody wanker. 1.00

01:39:12.900 Jermaine. 0.99

01:39:14.200 Hi.

01:39:15.040 I'll take a quarter pounder with cheese and a McFlurry.

01:39:17.960 Sorry, sir, but our ice cream machine is broken.

01:39:20.060 Oh, no.

01:39:22.300 I think Tom Hanks just butt-dialed me.

01:39:24.760 Anyway, first rule of Kite Club is tell everyone about Kite Club.

01:39:28.980 Second rule of Kite Club is tell everyone about Kite Club.

01:39:32.940 Third rule.

01:39:34.140 Like and subscribe wherever you listen to podcasts or watch us on YouTube, yeah?

01:39:38.960 And yes, don't worry.

01:39:40.240 My Brad Pitt impression will get better.

This Past Weekend with Theo Von - March 26, 2018

3-26-18 Spring Romantic ｜ This Past Weekend #83

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