This Past Weekend with Theo Von - March 27, 2017


3-27-17 ｜ This Past Weekend #15


Episode Stats

Length

52 minutes

Words per Minute

164.2297

Word Count

8,656

Sentence Count

598

Misogynist Sentences

32

Hate Speech Sentences

28


Summary

This past weekend I did a comedy show in Madison Wisconsin and I got the shakes. Hold on to your life. Sometimes you just have to hold on to something you can't let go of. Whether it's your life, or the life of someone you care deeply for.


Transcript

00:00:00.600 It's spring cleaning time. It's time to change the game. Time to flip the script.
00:00:07.260 Who's this, Henry? Nah, it's Cheryl, bitch.
00:00:11.660 We're gonna try something different. I challenge you.
00:00:15.580 Have you ever broken into somebody's house to install an alarm?
00:00:20.380 You ever left cookies out for your stalker? Quit thinking about yourself.
00:00:25.040 You ever GHB'd somebody at the club, brought them back to your place,
00:00:29.020 and just made them breakfast?
00:00:31.400 Ooh, is that waffles?
00:00:34.600 That's right. Nothing naughty. Nothing nasty.
00:00:37.620 We're about to forge a new path. Let's get into it.
00:00:40.700 This is This Past Weekend.
00:00:43.740 This Past Weekend.
00:00:59.020 You never make it.
00:01:02.840 22 years old.
00:01:05.940 Now let me stop one.
00:01:08.760 Up above.
00:01:11.260 Come on with me.
00:01:13.800 You got to come on up.
00:01:15.800 You got to hold on.
00:01:21.020 You got to hold on, man.
00:01:27.140 That's Alabama Shakes right there.
00:01:29.520 That's Alabama Shakes with the song Hold On.
00:01:34.140 And I got the shakes in Alabama one time, man.
00:01:36.900 Um, I was out there in Pelham, uh, Pelham, Alabama.
00:01:42.420 And I'd been out there with some other young gentlemen who were, uh, who I knew from childhood.
00:01:48.640 And we'd been out there, um, doing drugs.
00:01:51.660 We were on drugs on, basically, I think some ecstasy pills, to be honest with you.
00:01:56.260 And we got caught up, and I just remember seeing this band, Widespread Panic.
00:02:02.840 And, I mean, I just felt full.
00:02:05.820 I felt just like a bunch of damn doves had just climbed into my veins.
00:02:13.480 And were just, just making my heart beat with their wings, man.
00:02:18.280 I felt just equipped, uh, with the spirit.
00:02:22.500 But that could have been the drugs, for sure.
00:02:24.600 But I got the shakes out there.
00:02:26.000 I remember after that show, I laid out in a parking lot of a Hampton Inn,
00:02:32.560 which is, uh, basically just a traveler's motel, really.
00:02:36.660 And, um, and I smoked a pack of menthol cigarettes by myself,
00:02:42.140 laying on my back, looking up at the stars.
00:02:47.300 If there were stars, hell, it could have been cloudy, dude.
00:02:49.900 It was BYOS at that point.
00:02:52.100 I mean, I was pretty leak, pretty much leaking, leaking feelings.
00:02:56.880 And, uh, and I had the shakes a little bit, man.
00:03:00.100 And I remember just wondering what my life was going to be like.
00:03:03.860 And then, um, the next day I went and stalked one of my ex-girlfriends for a little while.
00:03:11.280 So, anyway, good to see you guys, man.
00:03:13.820 It is a Monday, March 27th.
00:03:16.920 And it is the year 2017.
00:03:21.020 And that was Alabama shakes with a little bit of hold on.
00:03:24.080 Because sometimes you've got to hold on, you know.
00:03:26.540 Sometimes you hit a, you know, you'll hit a moment where you've got to hold on.
00:03:30.920 You can't let go, man.
00:03:32.340 Whether you white-knuckling it, you know, and you're holding on, you know,
00:03:37.540 and just making your own foundation.
00:03:39.660 Or if you're holding on to somebody else.
00:03:43.620 Um, or if you're holding on just to an invisible power out in the universe.
00:03:48.220 You know, sometimes you've got to hold on.
00:03:50.160 I just got back from Madison, Wisconsin.
00:03:52.560 And that's white people country.
00:03:54.700 You know, it's actually about 85% Caucasian.
00:03:58.980 Uh, healthy.
00:04:00.100 A lot of healthy people up there.
00:04:01.580 Um, a lot of thighs.
00:04:04.640 Uh, it's really kind of a lot of brontosaurus type builds, you know.
00:04:09.820 Just solid, hearty.
00:04:12.720 Heavy hearts up there.
00:04:13.720 Probably got nine aortas on them up there in Wisconsin.
00:04:17.680 Friendly.
00:04:18.480 A lot of friendly people.
00:04:20.180 Uh, you can feel when they shake your hand that they care a little bit.
00:04:24.660 You know, and you can feel that, um, you could feel it up there.
00:04:29.020 And I enjoyed it, man.
00:04:30.360 I was at Comedy Club on State.
00:04:32.040 And I want to thank everybody who came out.
00:04:34.820 And, uh, and we had a blast, man.
00:04:36.700 We sold out a couple of shows.
00:04:38.420 And everybody came and enjoyed themselves.
00:04:41.000 And, um, and I enjoyed myself, man.
00:04:43.840 I really did.
00:04:44.600 I had a nice time out there.
00:04:45.880 Just, uh, being in the town of Madison.
00:04:49.320 Uh, it's a pretty liberal area.
00:04:50.860 But it has, like, a lot of conservative values.
00:04:54.060 Um, I really think it's a, it's a nice, it's kind of progressive conservative, I feel like.
00:04:59.400 And, uh, I feel like it's on a great track.
00:05:02.460 That town of Madison, uh, Wisconsin.
00:05:06.680 It rained a little, too.
00:05:08.200 So, caught a little free water there.
00:05:10.720 Um, and that was nice.
00:05:13.200 Good to be here.
00:05:13.980 Thank you guys for joining us this past weekend.
00:05:16.840 Um, what else, man?
00:05:19.180 We'll hit, we'll get into the news.
00:05:20.340 I'll chop into the news.
00:05:21.820 I don't catch the news that much.
00:05:23.940 But, but this weekend I absorbed some.
00:05:28.000 The health care bill, it didn't pass.
00:05:30.760 You know, and on a lot of these news networks, they were just really beating apart.
00:05:35.580 Um, the, the, the politicians or whatever they were putting it together.
00:05:42.440 You know, I just hope that they figure one out that does pass.
00:05:45.380 You know, that does work for everyone.
00:05:47.480 I mean, it's a tough issue.
00:05:49.200 You know, I don't really have a million thoughts on politics.
00:05:51.780 But, when it comes to health care, you know, I feel like it's almost inhumane if I don't feel like everyone deserves to be well or deserves to feel taken care of.
00:06:06.560 Especially in America where, you know, I'm not a bookkeeper, but I'm sure if, if you got down to the brass tacks, we could find a way to afford it.
00:06:14.740 Um, but then you got a lot of people that don't take care of themselves, you know.
00:06:18.940 And so that's really the other side of the issue.
00:06:21.780 Like, you know, if somebody's just laying in the park all day shooting heroin and they, you know, and they don't care about their lives, but you're taking somebody's tax money who does care, you know, um, I can understand why some people would think differently, you know.
00:06:38.340 So I certainly see the different perspectives.
00:06:41.040 Um, but I hope we find one that, uh, you know, that works for everybody.
00:06:44.920 You know, I really hope we do.
00:06:47.140 Um, and I don't know if there's a way, you know, um, I don't really know.
00:06:51.240 But it does bug me sometimes, um, that some of the, the news stations just, I don't know if they really seem interested in finding a way as much as they do just beating apart the people that are trying to figure it out.
00:07:05.740 You know, uh, I just don't think the news is as helpful as it could be sometimes.
00:07:12.540 When it comes to like political issues, health, you know, healthcare is super important.
00:07:16.300 You know, everybody needs a bandaid or a lung, you know, hell, I'll probably blow through something.
00:07:21.920 Um, I had a sister that was born with a bad liver.
00:07:24.860 She only had about a quarter liver in her.
00:07:28.200 And so she needed a liver transplant early.
00:07:31.440 And I know that, uh, if it weren't for the healthcare system, we wouldn't have had that organ, you know.
00:07:37.200 And she's a little chatty, you know, I'll admit that.
00:07:40.100 But, uh, but she's alive, you know.
00:07:42.280 And so I'm grateful to, um, to, to, you know, the systems that made that happen.
00:07:47.420 Um, in another country that might not have happened, might not have had my sister, you know.
00:07:51.920 So, so anyway, that's just my little personal thought on that.
00:07:56.320 Um, I think we got a lot of issues, man.
00:07:58.720 If I were a, you know, a political official, there are some things I would do, man.
00:08:03.560 I would, um, I'd have a neighbor day, you know, where we find out who's in America.
00:08:08.740 Because I feel like we don't know who's here.
00:08:10.220 Kind of like roll call.
00:08:11.280 Remember roll call when you're in the third grade or the seventh grade or whatever.
00:08:15.940 Whenever they finally checked on who was, uh, attending.
00:08:20.320 And they would just call your name.
00:08:21.840 I think they should do that.
00:08:22.860 Just a day where, you know, everybody meets their neighbor, you know.
00:08:26.780 Everybody go out in the street and let's see who lives around you.
00:08:31.060 Let's get a head count, you know.
00:08:33.580 And if somebody doesn't come out in the street, then they're creepy as fuck, dude.
00:08:39.760 And maybe we need to keep tabs on them, you know.
00:08:43.120 Because if they don't want to be mingling a little bit, then that's, you know, something's up.
00:08:48.540 Something's awry, you know.
00:08:51.660 Um, that's kind of like a political thing that pops in my head sometimes.
00:08:55.020 If that's even political, I don't even know.
00:08:57.340 It's just something that I would think would be pretty neat.
00:09:00.280 Uh, outside of that, another issue that sits on my heart sometimes is, uh, education reform.
00:09:07.600 You know, um, I just don't feel like we teach children skills that can really help them, you know.
00:09:16.060 Like, um, how to interact with one another.
00:09:20.740 How to know if your friend is having a tough time.
00:09:24.520 You know, um, how to cheer somebody up if they're not doing well, you know.
00:09:30.800 I mean, I know it sounds like kind of some pretty gay shit, but, I mean, I feel like those are things we could be teaching kids, you know.
00:09:38.820 I don't really care if Lamont knows about social studies, but I do care if he, if he understands that one of his friends is maybe getting abused at home or something and he can recognize it, you know.
00:09:54.540 Um, I just feel like we could teach kids acceptance.
00:09:59.560 We could teach kids, you know, how to love one another.
00:10:03.640 Um, I just feel like we could do a little bit better job of education reform in that sense.
00:10:09.080 Just teaching people how to care, you know.
00:10:11.680 I don't think you should be able to graduate the fifth grade until you're not racist.
00:10:17.080 How about that?
00:10:18.020 That'd be a great class, you know.
00:10:19.740 Or until you realize what it means to be a contributing member of society, you know.
00:10:27.120 Um, I just feel like there's a lot of things we could really be teaching children that's not factual, you know.
00:10:35.460 That's more instinctual and more, you know, more of the heart, I guess.
00:10:41.480 And that's just a thought of mine, you know.
00:10:43.180 I'm not trying to push my beliefs on anybody.
00:10:45.240 I'm just, I guess, sharing whatever's in my brain.
00:10:47.520 Another thing I've wondered is if people who have served in the military, if their vote shouldn't count for more than those who haven't, you know.
00:10:58.560 Like, maybe their vote counts for one and a quarter votes.
00:11:02.260 And that might sound crazy to some people, but, you know, I think it would certainly teach us all to have a different respect for our military.
00:11:11.300 I mean, if somebody puts their ass on the line, I feel like they, you know, they should get a little more, you know.
00:11:18.620 And maybe it's, maybe it's just they, you know, get better packages when they're, when they're finished.
00:11:23.440 But I just think that would be interesting if their vote counted for more than those of us who haven't served.
00:11:29.200 And I haven't served.
00:11:30.080 You know, it's one thing I regret a lot.
00:11:32.980 I mean, I wasted a few years of my life, surely, you know, just probably spraying out and thinking about owning animals and, you know, chasing trim around and, you know, all kinds of just, just void fillers, you know.
00:11:50.000 Where I probably could have sacrificed some of my time and got out there and into the bazooka trade, you know, or whatever else they're doing, knife fighting, everything.
00:11:59.320 So, anyway, those are some things that popped into my head.
00:12:03.760 Another news piece, Pizzagate, if you guys are familiar, but Pizzagate is basically Italian food and child molestation have joined forces in Washington, D.C., I believe it is.
00:12:18.360 And it's something where there's, you know, politicos and fancy pants people getting together in the middle of the night to do child molestation at a pizza place.
00:12:33.720 And that seems to me like bullshit.
00:12:35.620 I'm going to have to go ahead and throw that out there because, I mean, I've spent a lot of time around Italians.
00:12:41.340 And they are, I mean, they kiss, you know, they'll kiss you on the neck.
00:12:45.220 The men will kiss you on the neck sometimes.
00:12:47.220 If you're at the racetrack, they, I'll see them sometimes kissing each other.
00:12:52.120 If their horses win and getting excited and, you know, they eat for a long time and look at each other in the eyes and stuff and drink wine.
00:13:00.340 And I get what's going on.
00:13:02.780 They, you know, they're real loving, but I don't think that's going to lead to them loving a child so much that they're molesters.
00:13:09.040 So that's why that whole story to me just seems like a bag of cat's bottoms, you know, if you really look at that.
00:13:18.160 If you want to find some child molesters, dude, go to a poor neighborhood.
00:13:23.340 You know, I think, I think your interests are better looking around there.
00:13:28.080 I mean, in a lot of wealthy neighborhoods, they have these HOA programs or these HOA groups, which are homeowners association that can make rules about who can live in the neighborhood and who cannot.
00:13:43.060 Um, so a lot of fancy neighborhoods can keep, uh, pediophiles out.
00:13:49.760 So pediophiles are stuck at the gates, you know, and unless they got long arms, they're not going to be able to reach the children, you know, of the rich.
00:13:57.620 But now I grew up in a poor neighborhood, you know, and I'm, you know, I'm not trying to say that that's anything special or that I'm better than anybody because of that.
00:14:08.200 But we had surely some couple touchers by us, you know, and we split kickball with two, two adult touchers.
00:14:19.420 These men, I'll tell you this, they had a law in Louisiana.
00:14:23.440 That's where I'm from.
00:14:24.240 And they had a law there in Louisiana, and that's one of the big 50 states and where if you were a registered sex offender, that means you were, you know, part of the union, I guess, and, um, that you had to go door to door and knock on the door and tell the people in the, in the home, in your neighborhood, you had to go door to door in your neighborhood and let people, you let people know that you are a pedophile, right?
00:14:54.240 Well, in our neighborhood, it was all single parent families, you know, and half the parents worked.
00:15:02.380 So us kids, we were home alone all the time.
00:15:05.660 So you'd have these touchers come into the door, knocking and saying, I have to let you know that I'm a registered sex offender.
00:15:16.920 Is your mother home?
00:15:18.720 And we'd be like, we were children.
00:15:20.720 We're like, she's not home right now, which is baffling in hindsight because then you got a pedophile standing right there with his desserts, really.
00:15:30.620 Um, and that was a law in Louisiana that you had to do that.
00:15:36.080 Um, thankfully, uh, once you know who the pedophiles are, you, the game changes, you know, a lot of, you know, these, you know, these pedophiles and touchers, they, they, it's when you don't know who they are that they can practice their art, you know.
00:15:59.260 Um, but so we knew, I mean, we used to play kickball with these two guys, Mr. Daniel.
00:16:05.540 I don't remember the other guy's name.
00:16:07.180 He was kind of, kind of swampy looking, didn't really take care of himself, but we played kickball with them.
00:16:13.700 Um, and, uh, Mr. Daniel, this one dude was, he was combing his hair all the time.
00:16:18.620 I mean, he just, he'd comb his hair nine times in a minute.
00:16:24.600 You know, like he was just like, like he was just trying to just comb the, comb the darkness right out of his soul.
00:16:32.880 Like he just wanted to comb the touching out of himself, you know, um, or like he would look handsome enough that he wouldn't be a, you know, a pedophile anymore.
00:16:43.300 Um, I felt bad for him sometimes.
00:16:45.180 And then this other guy who didn't never comb his hair, the irony, but we play kickball with them.
00:16:50.380 Um, and once we knew that they were, you know, what, what they, some of their hobbies were, it took a lot of their, um, power away.
00:16:59.980 You know, we'd fuck with them and, you know, roll the ball, man.
00:17:04.040 You ain't getting this ass, bro.
00:17:05.620 Roll the ball, you know, and, you know, it really, it almost puts you on a level playing field once you knew who they were.
00:17:13.680 So I guess there was some value in them going door to door because then you put, you know, you put a name and a face, um, with the dark arts that they had inside of them.
00:17:24.500 So, but yeah, you want to find some kitty touchers.
00:17:27.300 I don't think you need to mill around, uh, you know, a Papa John's out there in Washington, DC.
00:17:32.040 Why don't you come on down to Covington, Louisiana and get out there off of, uh, off of McGee street where I grew up.
00:17:38.780 And I bet you they still got a couple of, um, a couple of wild tender gents out there trying to be fancy with the young, you know, what else, man?
00:17:52.520 What else, dude?
00:17:53.560 Let's keep it moving.
00:17:55.700 Dave Chappelle's age of spin came out on Netflix and you can check that out.
00:18:01.620 You can also check out my special on there while you're there.
00:18:04.760 Uh, and it is called no offense.
00:18:06.820 You can look that up and drop five stars on it.
00:18:10.340 If you don't mind while you're there, but, uh, Dave Chappelle came, uh, has a new special out his first one in a long time.
00:18:17.120 And it's two specials actually.
00:18:19.260 And he's getting ripped up, uh, for making homophobic and transphobic, uh, jokes and remarks.
00:18:28.300 And that to me, uh, it's baffling, man here.
00:18:32.380 I'll, uh, I'll, uh, I'll read a little bit of the article.
00:18:34.840 Um, the former Comedy Central star cracked jokes about Caitlyn Jenner and transgender people.
00:18:42.440 Quote, whenever I see one of them T's on the street, I'm like, I don't mind them, but man, I miss Bruce.
00:18:50.360 He said to laughter from the audience, talking about, uh, Bruce Jenner there.
00:18:54.420 Then he goes on to say, I knew before you guys knew, he says of Jenner's sexuality.
00:18:59.600 I heard things on the street in Hollywood.
00:19:01.700 You know, you used to be out, see people.
00:19:04.600 Hey, what's up, Kanye?
00:19:05.820 Why the long face?
00:19:07.540 Nigga, you'll see.
00:19:08.740 I got two mother-in-laws now.
00:19:11.760 That was one of the jokes.
00:19:13.700 Uh, that's funny, man.
00:19:15.700 You know, that could have been a real moment, uh, that Dave Chappelle talked to Kanye West.
00:19:20.380 He can't share that moment.
00:19:22.440 He can't share the reality of, of a moment because somebody is going to be offended.
00:19:28.640 I'm just amazed that if you turn on a, if you turn on a comedy show, what do you expect?
00:19:35.040 Dave Chappelle's not a preacher.
00:19:36.540 He's not a teacher.
00:19:38.360 He's not a, uh, a politician.
00:19:41.200 He's a comedian.
00:19:42.300 It's a comedy show.
00:19:43.740 That's why there's lights, a stage, um, an audience.
00:19:48.700 Uh, it just, it's just baffling to me, um, the freedom of speech.
00:19:53.620 There's no, like, yeah, it's freedom of speech, but only if you want to say certain things, right?
00:20:00.260 And that's not freedom.
00:20:01.960 You know, I mean, comedians like George Carlin, um, Richard Pryor, even though they're still like
00:20:08.660 lauded as the best, if they, they wouldn't be able to say what they said today.
00:20:14.440 And that's crazy.
00:20:16.360 When you look and say, oh, those guys are the best.
00:20:18.680 But then when you put them through this filter of whatever's going on today and say, oh, they
00:20:24.180 wouldn't be the best, they would be ostracized.
00:20:28.000 Something's wrong with the filter, not with the talent.
00:20:32.320 You know, I mean, it's just ridiculous.
00:20:34.380 And, and it seems like the only people you can still make fun of without the media getting
00:20:39.980 upset are rednecks, poor white people, and white people, you know, and I don't think that
00:20:46.960 that's fair.
00:20:48.120 You know, I grew up poor and white.
00:20:49.720 It was, trust me, it was hard enough, you know, feeling less than, you know, that was hard
00:20:56.740 enough.
00:20:57.380 I didn't need people making fun of me.
00:20:59.060 It feels miserable, you know, being poor and, you know, surrounded by a lot of, you
00:21:05.820 know, just ignorance and destitution and, you know, addiction and all the things that
00:21:14.260 come with a poor environment, pedophiles, kickballing men, you know, just feel like there was enough
00:21:21.540 going on with that where we don't need to be the last group of people that it's okay
00:21:28.520 to make fun of as far as, you know, mainstream media is concerned.
00:21:34.680 And maybe that's just my feelings.
00:21:36.560 And, you know, I'm sorry if I'm getting caught up in my feelings here a little bit, but it's
00:21:41.660 like anybody else gets made fun of.
00:21:43.500 Latinos, blacks, gay, transgender.
00:21:46.340 That's all, you know, horrible.
00:21:50.760 But if you still want to make fun of poor, ignorant white people, that's okay.
00:21:55.580 I just, it's not okay to me, you know.
00:21:57.840 I feel like, fucking, let's make fun of everybody, you know.
00:22:01.460 I mean, we're making fun.
00:22:03.680 We're making fun, you know.
00:22:05.880 So it's just baffling, man.
00:22:07.140 I support Dave Chappelle.
00:22:08.800 I support all comedians, you know.
00:22:10.740 I mean, I have friends that are every creed and color and style, asexual even, comedians.
00:22:17.780 And I love all their, I love all their material.
00:22:21.800 You know, it just, I'm like, what the fuck are we doing?
00:22:24.860 What are we doing?
00:22:26.460 You know, I'm not doing it.
00:22:28.100 That's for damn sure, dude.
00:22:29.800 I am not doing it.
00:22:31.720 All right, guys, I'm gonna drop a few dates on you and then we're gonna move on to some
00:22:34.780 callers.
00:22:35.940 And I'll talk a little bit more about my weekend as we go through it.
00:22:39.100 Uh, upcoming dates, I'll be performing in Sacramento, April 21st through 23rd.
00:22:46.340 And that is at the Punchline in Sacramento, May 25th through 28th.
00:22:51.740 I'll be in Tampa, Florida at SideSplitters Comedy Club, June 1st through June 4th.
00:22:58.020 I'll be in Pittsburgh, where I caught pink eye one time up there, um, uh, in the Monongahela.
00:23:06.040 And I actually got a blowjob there behind a giant eagle.
00:23:08.700 Uh, which is a, uh, just a Kroger.
00:23:11.160 It's a chain, chain grocer.
00:23:13.300 Uh, and that'll be June 1st through 4th at Pittsburgh Improv.
00:23:15.820 And then I'll be at the Calusa Casino Resort, June 9th.
00:23:21.420 And honestly, I don't even know where that is.
00:23:24.160 So those are those dates.
00:23:26.040 And yeah, I'm sorry if I am getting a little, you know, maybe I am getting a little political
00:23:29.800 today, man.
00:23:30.900 You know, just a lot.
00:23:33.220 I mean, it's tough.
00:23:34.420 It is tough to navigate through life sometimes, especially these days for me.
00:23:40.140 Um, and sometimes I just get agitated, you know?
00:23:44.080 And sometimes I let it happen to me.
00:23:45.960 I let it happen to me by even reading the news.
00:23:48.380 You know, I should have stayed out of the dang news, man.
00:23:51.320 I should have just read my book.
00:23:53.200 I got this new book about truck drivers.
00:23:56.040 All right, let's get to some callers, man.
00:23:57.780 I want to thank everybody for hitting the hotline.
00:23:59.860 Now, if you're not familiar with the hotline, that number is 985-664-9503.
00:24:07.860 That's an American number that you can call and, um, and express your thoughts, feelings, concerns,
00:24:15.820 issues that you're dealing with.
00:24:17.660 Um, I'm not a licensed dude, you know, but I've had a lot of, uh, experiences and I'm
00:24:25.060 happy to share them with you and offer any suggestions that I can.
00:24:30.200 Um, and we, we're, we're talking about masturbation and some of those issues, you know, and I grew
00:24:36.460 up, uh, you know, I've dealt with that over the years, you know, um, watching the pornography
00:24:42.300 and, uh, dealing with the self skeet.
00:24:46.420 Um, you know, um, alone pleasures, you know, I'm no stranger to it.
00:24:52.200 Uh, first time I got into masturbation, you know, I found some, you know, some, uh, titty
00:24:58.520 literature and fancy booklets in my brother's closet.
00:25:02.200 And I found a bottle of, uh, peach, I think peach alizé at the same time.
00:25:09.380 And that was a liquor or a liqueur of sorts.
00:25:12.660 It was pretty much an African American liquor, I think at the time.
00:25:17.000 But, um, but I found a bottle of it in my brother's closet.
00:25:20.680 And next thing, you know, I was into the, you know, I was getting dark, you know, I was,
00:25:26.240 you know, spraying out and enjoying the pleasures of pornography and liquor.
00:25:32.240 So, and some of that stuck with me for a while, you know, throughout my life, I've noticed
00:25:37.180 that, you know, instead of going on dates, I would just, you know, watch pornography.
00:25:44.500 And a lot of my friends have reached out to me recently, my friends, and said that they're
00:25:49.840 dealing with some of the same stuff and they're, you know, doing naughty things by themselves,
00:25:55.040 even though they have wives and families and everything.
00:25:58.620 And, and it's really an issue because that stuff's pretty wild out there.
00:26:02.620 Uh, and we're going to get to some calls here.
00:26:05.020 We had a couple of people call in about it.
00:26:08.060 And I want to thank everybody who called in, uh, try to get to the ones that I can, ones
00:26:12.680 that are appropriate.
00:26:14.020 You know, some people called and were actually doing masturbation on the phone, on the, on
00:26:19.720 the hotline.
00:26:20.660 And that's, yeah, I don't know who that's for.
00:26:24.240 That's not for me.
00:26:25.080 That's for them.
00:26:25.820 And I didn't want that, but we got a little bit of that and maybe we'll put that in some
00:26:30.480 outtakes at some point.
00:26:31.920 But for now, we're going to stick to the plan here.
00:26:35.240 Let's see what we got.
00:26:38.100 What's up, yo?
00:26:39.200 This is Chris calling from South Florida.
00:26:41.280 Chris from South Florida.
00:26:43.500 I'm going to stop him right there.
00:26:44.660 South Florida.
00:26:45.720 Uh, I'm going to say, if you don't know it, it's a hotbed of anarchy.
00:26:50.700 I'm going to start with that.
00:26:53.000 Um, deviants, a lot of deviants end up there.
00:26:57.440 Um, jugglers, uh, magicians, uh, pediophiles, a lot of, um, pediophiles are arrested in Florida.
00:27:08.500 Um, what else?
00:27:11.560 Uh, people with swords, dolphins, atheists, they got it all.
00:27:17.420 So this guy's already in a tough situation.
00:27:20.460 I'm a big fan of you, big fan of the podcast, and it seems like I'm kind of struggling with
00:27:27.720 some of the same things you are.
00:27:29.160 Um, the pornography, um, I've stopped drinking alcohol like you have.
00:27:36.220 And the biggest problem for me is that I feel like I have nothing to go to whenever I get
00:27:42.640 stressed out.
00:27:43.800 I have no way to bring myself that instant pleasure and kind of take me out of my thoughts.
00:27:50.420 Um, I feel you, man.
00:27:53.060 I feel you.
00:27:54.220 Um, you know, I'm going to interrupt you right there and say that, you know, I mean, you hit
00:27:59.960 it on the head.
00:28:00.580 You got to take yourself out of your thoughts, you know, because that's what's leading you
00:28:04.620 there.
00:28:05.680 Um, your thoughts will lead you to actions and your actions will lead you to better thoughts.
00:28:11.000 So you're going to have to, you know, I suggest that you, you're going to have to create some
00:28:16.560 better actions, bro.
00:28:19.020 Um, let's.
00:28:20.400 So my question for you is, is, um, what are some of the things you do to help relax and
00:28:27.140 help to relieve some of your stress other than drinking alcohol and watching pornography?
00:28:35.180 Well, Chris, I will try to.
00:28:37.140 So the biggest thing for me is closing the day, you know, like I can go all day with no
00:28:43.780 issues, you know, I, fortunately I've never had the problem of, you know, wanting to watch
00:28:48.580 pornography during the day or, you know, jerking off in my truck or anything like that.
00:28:55.080 I remember when I was young, they used to have men that would park back behind the Winn
00:29:00.840 Dixie, which was a shopping, you know, meat and produce grocer.
00:29:06.140 And you'd see them back there jerking off.
00:29:09.240 Um, but I never had that issue of daytime self-pleasure.
00:29:15.520 Uh, and for a lot of people, the issue is in the evening, you know, it's, and it becomes
00:29:20.420 a habit.
00:29:21.600 Like a lot of people aren't even enjoying masturbation anymore.
00:29:25.760 They're not enjoying the pornography.
00:29:27.880 It's just a habit that they've created.
00:29:30.300 So you got to create some new habits and, and if it's at the end of the day or in the
00:29:36.800 evening when you're struggling, then that's when you got to create some new habits and
00:29:40.840 you got to practice them.
00:29:42.640 Sometimes what helps me is to do a meditation, man.
00:29:46.740 And I know it sounds, you know, wild and cheesy, but when you meditate, you kind of take control
00:29:53.740 of yourself back from your environment.
00:29:57.120 Cause we're, there's so many things that are just wanting our attention these days and getting
00:30:01.680 our attention.
00:30:02.360 And, and pornography is a huge one of those.
00:30:05.960 I mean, dude, you can log on and there's, you know, there's breasts and there's lipstick
00:30:11.540 and, you know, foursomes and brothers wearing sneakers, fucking women.
00:30:18.460 You know, I mean, these men are showing up to fuck, dude.
00:30:21.680 If you got on a couple new balance and a hard cock, bro, that's, I mean, that's, that's
00:30:28.080 some real dictivity, brother.
00:30:32.080 So, you know, and that stuff can get addicting to watch.
00:30:36.280 So you got to, you have to set yourself into a better mode.
00:30:41.160 And I usually do that with a little bit of meditation.
00:30:43.920 You can sit down, a meditation that a friend of mine taught me.
00:30:49.360 You inhale real slowly for eight seconds and you count while you're inhaling and then you
00:30:57.520 hold that inhale for four seconds and then you exhale slowly for eight seconds.
00:31:05.340 Just count it in your head.
00:31:07.160 And then you wait four seconds before you start to inhale again.
00:31:12.580 And you just keep repeating that cycle.
00:31:15.320 Do that for 10 minutes.
00:31:17.220 And it might sound crazy.
00:31:18.380 You might only be able to do five minutes at first, but if you can get to 10 minutes,
00:31:22.340 man, it'll really set you in a, in a more calmer state where you are more in control of, of
00:31:29.940 what you're going to do next.
00:31:31.700 And then I'd find, you know, a better activity.
00:31:34.840 You know, if you need to make sure you leave your phone and your computer in the other room,
00:31:38.420 if you need to read a book, you know, those are things.
00:31:42.920 And also those are things you can do that will help.
00:31:45.540 And also finding a higher power, you know, like it doesn't have to be God, you know,
00:31:51.360 I'm not trying to lead anybody to religion, but if you can find, you know, somebody, if
00:31:56.660 you don't have someone, a higher power that you can say, you know, look, I don't want to
00:32:04.780 do this anymore.
00:32:05.620 Or, you know, please take away the desire for me to do this.
00:32:10.820 And by putting that out there, you know, you're really, you're making, you're voicing what
00:32:16.440 you want, uh, that you don't want to be watching masturbation or, or pornography anymore.
00:32:23.320 Um, and that kind of stuff can really help man, because sometimes even creating a higher
00:32:28.400 power can just create like some accountability for you.
00:32:31.300 Another thing that I do is, it's going to sound kind of weird, but I do like, uh, my
00:32:38.640 mother got me a coloring book, one of those adult coloring books.
00:32:41.920 I'll use that sometimes, um, just to keep my mind occupied.
00:32:46.700 I will also read, um, and there's meetings you can go to, bud.
00:32:53.160 I'll be honest with you.
00:32:54.140 There's, uh, sex and love addiction meetings, S L A A it's called, and there's
00:33:00.820 tons of men in those who, uh, who can relate to your same exact issues, but I recommend
00:33:08.420 some spirituality, you know, um, I recommend some meditation, uh, just things that are going
00:33:15.280 to help you reclaim yourself, because it sounds like you don't want to be doing these things
00:33:20.780 anymore.
00:33:21.900 Um, and that these are outside influences that are really reaching for you and getting a hold
00:33:29.060 of you.
00:33:29.620 So if you can reclaim yourself some, uh, you're going to have a stronger fortitude from which
00:33:36.940 to keep those things from accessing you.
00:33:40.200 And, uh, you can email me as well, man.
00:33:42.100 You can email me directly through my website.
00:33:44.040 I can send you some links, uh, for local, uh, sex and love addiction meetings that are near
00:33:49.560 you where you can meet people who, you know, are dealing with the same stuff, man.
00:33:54.360 Um, and I appreciate you calling and asking about it.
00:33:56.640 Uh, I hope I was able to offer a little bit of, uh, a little bit of thoughts and guidance
00:34:00.420 there.
00:34:01.900 All right.
00:34:02.400 Let's get another call here.
00:34:07.400 Hey, CEO.
00:34:08.760 Um, my name is Ahmad, man.
00:34:10.640 I love your show.
00:34:12.640 Ahmad.
00:34:13.140 Love that name.
00:34:14.560 Sounds kind of foreign.
00:34:15.780 Maybe, uh, originally foreign.
00:34:17.580 Now, probably an American name as well.
00:34:20.300 Um, desert descendant.
00:34:21.900 Respect, Ahmad.
00:34:23.340 Beige power, bro.
00:34:24.520 Beige power.
00:34:25.320 Let's go.
00:34:25.780 You've got a lot of wisdom.
00:34:27.140 Um, I'm calling you today because I like what you have to say about masturbation, man.
00:34:32.980 About, you know, I'm a young guy.
00:34:35.260 I'm 22.
00:34:36.400 College age student.
00:34:37.780 Good looking guy.
00:34:38.920 And I, you know, it's too much, bro.
00:34:41.300 It's too much.
00:34:42.720 I'm calling you today to ask you about advice for laying off masturbation and pornography.
00:34:48.580 Yeah, man, it is.
00:34:50.820 It's too much.
00:34:51.920 It's too much, man.
00:34:53.340 I agree.
00:34:54.720 You know, I, and I think it's one of the biggest things that is affecting men our age.
00:34:59.340 You, we can't battle it.
00:35:01.300 Like, how can you, if you're built in limbically, I think that's the term in your, you know,
00:35:07.860 in your core brain to want to get some puss or want to hunt down a piece of ass or some
00:35:14.260 titty, you're going, I mean, and then you're just flooded with it in high definition.
00:35:19.420 It is too much.
00:35:20.600 It's like somebody, it's like the devil got some machine gun and, you know, and it's filled
00:35:24.840 with pussy bullets and they are coming at you constantly.
00:35:30.560 I feel you, man.
00:35:31.240 It's too much.
00:35:31.860 And, um, especially when it seems to me, at least that in my age group and at my university,
00:35:37.100 this is such a normal thing.
00:35:39.060 You know, it seems like everybody watches pornography.
00:35:41.220 Well, I mean, I'm gonna stop you there and say that, you know, that's, it, yeah, it does
00:35:49.220 probably seem like that.
00:35:50.240 And that's probably true, but that isn't a reason to be doing it.
00:35:53.020 You know, I mean, if everybody's, you know, killing whales with hammers and shit, you can't
00:35:58.420 be out there, you know, swimming around with hardware, dude.
00:36:01.860 So you gotta, you know, it can't be because everybody is doing it.
00:36:07.160 You know, that's, um, that's not, that's not why you're doing it, you know, I'm guessing.
00:36:14.500 It seems like everybody's still getting laid.
00:36:16.340 I don't know.
00:36:17.040 Ah.
00:36:17.680 You know, maybe I need to stop taking what it seems like for the actuality.
00:36:23.560 Any advice to stop masturbation and stop pornography and get back out there to talk to women would
00:36:28.700 be greatly appreciated, Theo.
00:36:30.940 Have a good time, bro.
00:36:33.000 Well, there's two different things here, Ahmad.
00:36:34.840 You got pornography and masturbation, you know, I mean, I think that masturbation is, is
00:36:43.240 tougher to stop than to watch in the pornography and the pornography, you know, there's, um, there's
00:36:49.680 special filters you can get to put on your computer.
00:36:52.460 There's special, uh, software you can get.
00:36:54.580 So you're not able to access it on your computer.
00:36:57.480 Um, so that's, you know, those are some small things that can help, but also getting out there
00:37:03.600 period and finding new things to do are going to keep you from, you know, from the habit
00:37:10.100 of going to pornography.
00:37:11.960 And I'll tell you this, man, at your age, you're 20, I think you said 22.
00:37:15.460 If you get out there and learn to talk to women now, while everybody else is spraying out and
00:37:22.260 everybody else is, you know, geeking their own meat, you are going to be heads and shoulders,
00:37:29.220 um, above the rest of your class.
00:37:33.020 Think about it like this.
00:37:34.120 Like everybody else is going left.
00:37:35.680 You go right.
00:37:36.420 If everybody else is cranking it out and spraying, you get out there and meet a girl, you know,
00:37:42.140 it seems like that's going to be a great place for you to start is just by practicing, actually
00:37:47.080 communicating with women in real time.
00:37:49.960 Um, and that alone, even just having some interaction and some fulfillment by having some real communication
00:37:56.780 from the opposite sex that could start to do wonders for even your desire to, to want
00:38:02.000 to masturbate or to want to, uh, watch pornography.
00:38:06.220 So maybe that's where I would start, you know, I'd start communicating with some women of
00:38:09.680 the opposite sex, even if it's, you know, small talk or, or just, uh, you know, if next time
00:38:15.340 a girlfriend introduces you to her friend, you know, even if the friend is not a woman you're
00:38:19.620 attracted to, just, just practice communicating with her, talk, you know, uh, share what's going
00:38:25.740 on, you know, I think just even building up some of that ability to communicate with
00:38:30.900 women, um, can take you out of using porn to communicate with women or feel like you're,
00:38:37.420 uh, fulfilling that void of not having communication with women.
00:38:41.980 So maybe just getting out there and building real communication, uh, I think could really
00:38:46.240 help, man.
00:38:47.080 All right, let's take another call here.
00:38:49.680 What's up, Dale?
00:38:51.120 My name's Chris from Nevada over here.
00:38:53.340 And I'm talking about Nevada, Nevada.
00:38:56.040 That's waterbed country.
00:38:57.200 I'll say that.
00:38:58.080 Photography question.
00:38:58.480 I would just like to say that out of all the addictions that I have, pornography has
00:39:03.420 to be the worst one.
00:39:04.960 And it's actually gotten so bad to the point where I can't get off with my girlfriend as
00:39:11.380 much as I should be able to.
00:39:12.820 And I think it's specifically due to porn.
00:39:15.360 It's me seeing all these girls with huge tits, huge asses and a perfect figure, you know,
00:39:20.600 absolute bombshells, you know, and my girlfriend's not ugly by any means, but she's also not a
00:39:26.160 porn star, you know?
00:39:27.060 Yeah, I'll say this, Chris, uh, before, before you even finish that, I mean, yeah, the, the,
00:39:34.720 the resolution on pornography is clearer and brighter than actual life.
00:39:41.400 So, I mean, the, the sex that we're looking at on the internet, it's, dude, it ain't even
00:39:45.340 as fricking, it, real life piece of ass isn't as HD as the screen ass, you know?
00:39:54.720 It's not even, so, yeah, the reality is that your girlfriend could never compete.
00:39:59.720 She could never, cause she can't make her ass and genitals in HD.
00:40:03.960 I mean, she can't make them, you know, as well lit as a lot of these porn stars are, you know?
00:40:11.340 And I'll say this too, man.
00:40:12.740 I have some friends that are porn stars.
00:40:14.980 Um, porn stars overall, I feel like look best on screen, you know?
00:40:21.440 So, it's not, it's, it's a, it's a ruse, you know?
00:40:25.240 It's meant to be, um, a fictional universe, you know?
00:40:29.740 It's a, it's a, it's like, it's like whenever you see like a car, a truck commercial, you know?
00:40:35.060 They're not showing you the truck when it, you know, isn't working that good or when it's
00:40:39.140 dirty or when, you know, there's nine kids in it or whatever.
00:40:42.700 And there's starbursts, you know, stuck on the, on the carpet and all of that.
00:40:47.600 They're showing you the glossy when it's bouncing on the rocks and everything, right?
00:40:52.840 So, what you're watching isn't even reality.
00:40:55.440 Let's just start there.
00:40:57.480 I think it actually has a big, big impact on me and my sex life.
00:41:03.580 And I actually would love some advice on how to stop fucking watching it because it actually
00:41:08.480 is becoming a bad thing in my relationship because it's, it's, it's stimulating me so
00:41:14.040 much that now my girlfriend's not doing it for me, you know?
00:41:16.640 It's something that's real and tangible, something that I can feel for some reason isn't doing
00:41:22.500 it for me.
00:41:23.080 Like, I need to watch porn as we're fucking and stuff.
00:41:25.580 And it's, it's really becoming a burden on our relationship.
00:41:29.880 Wow.
00:41:30.980 Yeah, man.
00:41:31.600 It sounds like you're in the dragon's den there, dude.
00:41:33.340 If you're having to watch pornography during sex, um, yeah, that's a, I mean, that means
00:41:40.740 that you, you're needing, you're needing this whole universe that's online.
00:41:46.020 You're needing all that stimulation as well as real life stimulation.
00:41:49.860 So, you're going to have to find a way to take a step back.
00:41:52.960 Um, you know, I, I would suggest you're probably so caught up in your own orgasm, you know, that
00:42:01.240 if you can't come without, if you can't even come anymore when you're with doing sex, then
00:42:09.240 you're, I would try and just focus on maybe your girlfriend.
00:42:12.800 I would start there.
00:42:13.960 I'd focus on your girlfriend and not even worry about your own orgasm, you know?
00:42:19.800 Cause I mean, I'm sure she's probably really suffering at the hands of this.
00:42:24.480 If you are having a real addiction to, to, to pornography, you know, and to all that butt
00:42:29.840 work and if you're watching all of that, so I would try to bring her to orgasm and just
00:42:35.980 worry about that, man, you know, get your chick, get your chick gassing up.
00:42:40.960 And I mean, I think maybe hopefully that will help inspire you, you know, and help inspire
00:42:48.360 a little bit more, you know, feeling into your weaner and everything.
00:42:52.140 You know, I think that that's probably a good place to start is just to focus on her.
00:42:56.720 And sometimes that can be, you know, if you really need to build a connection, like I used
00:43:02.580 to lay next to my ex-girlfriend and just lay next to her for a while until I really felt
00:43:08.720 connected before I started really revving up the sex, the sex activity.
00:43:14.500 And sometimes that would help, you know, just really trying to feel, you know, feel her body
00:43:21.360 and just feel that physical connection, you know, that connectivity.
00:43:25.240 And second of all, man, um, if you're going to keep watching porn, I would try and, if
00:43:31.040 you feel like you're not, if a woman's body in real life isn't doing it for you and you're
00:43:36.700 going to continue to watch it, watch some other stuff, you know, watch big girls or watch,
00:43:42.560 you know, um, you know, uh, African-American or Indian women or watch, you know, um, bald
00:43:49.620 women or, you know, short girls or something where it's going to, you're at least going
00:43:55.620 to see a plethora of things.
00:43:57.620 So you're not going to be so figmented or so focused on just a couple of images in your
00:44:03.620 head, you know, um, that you're trying to aspire or make your girlfriend become in real
00:44:11.540 life this, you know, big tittied, you know, uh, little sex kitten, you know, find some
00:44:18.720 women are a little more burlesque, you know, a little bit more, you know, Statue of Liberty
00:44:23.240 kind of hiding under the dress, you know, um, and I think at least that'll probably at least
00:44:29.040 give your mind, you know, a larger or a wider idea of what women, what real women are, you
00:44:36.800 know, that they're, you know, all different shapes and sizes and that their bodies are, are
00:44:41.320 real things.
00:44:42.880 Uh, and then second of all, man, again, uh, I'm going to say that the, the SLAA meetings,
00:44:48.900 you know, look it up online, sex and love addiction, anonymous, I think it's called.
00:44:54.720 And you can go there and you can get a sponsor and I mean, there's, you can really solve your
00:45:01.080 problems, bro.
00:45:01.940 I mean, you really, really can.
00:45:03.860 Um, and you can do it with a sponsor and somebody that's going to kind of hold you
00:45:07.580 accountable because you, I mean, you set it out of the gate that you called it an addiction.
00:45:12.680 So if you're already there where, you know, it is, um, it sounds like you might want to
00:45:17.460 get some pro help on that cause you know, but I feel you, it's powerful, dude.
00:45:22.460 We're battling.
00:45:23.060 I mean, just the, the titties alone.
00:45:26.900 And the crazy thing is after a while, you don't even see the titties.
00:45:29.940 You just looking at the crotches and you just looking at things that are glistening and the
00:45:35.000 magic of them, you know, all these ladies are doing, spreading everything and you don't even
00:45:41.400 notice their kneecaps or their feet or anything.
00:45:43.760 You just crotch centric really, you know, and people got their buttholes out and it's,
00:45:49.060 man, it's heavy.
00:45:52.620 It's heavy, dude.
00:45:54.320 Um, so yeah, I would try that.
00:45:55.940 I would try the, I would try to focus on just pleasuring your girlfriend, make it about her
00:46:01.500 so that that way you're not stuck in your own head.
00:46:04.560 And then I would try maybe seeing about a SLAA, man, check it out.
00:46:09.780 You know, it's a real program that's out there and it's everywhere.
00:46:12.700 And there's a lot of dudes struggling with it and it's real stuff, man.
00:46:16.660 Um, all right, guys, I, uh, I actually got to go to sleep soon, so I'm going to call
00:46:22.760 this, um, I appreciate the calls.
00:46:26.600 I had another one that I wanted to get to, um, someone had called in about what it's like
00:46:30.780 to move to Los Angeles, but I'll tap into that next week.
00:46:35.160 Um, you know, I, I appreciate you guys joining me for this past weekend and, uh, and listening
00:46:41.600 to some of this.
00:46:42.500 If you have any constructive criticisms or suggestions about how to make the podcast
00:46:47.740 better, um, write them in the comments, you know, on YouTubes, um, or on SoundClouds
00:46:53.800 and, uh, and let me know, you know, I'm learning as I go.
00:46:57.860 Um, you know, I'm just trying to share some of the experiences that I've had, uh, and just,
00:47:05.080 you know, just trying to be there for each other if we can, you know?
00:47:09.080 And I appreciate, you know, you guys calling in with your issues because it makes me realize
00:47:15.640 that issues that I have in my life, uh, that I'm not alone, you know, that these are real
00:47:20.900 things that a lot of, you know, men and women are dealing with, you know, uh, cause I want
00:47:26.900 to be in a comfortable relationship where I can enjoy sex and enjoy touching, you know,
00:47:32.740 just touch a woman's shoulder and feel good, like maybe, and feel sexy, you know, and feel
00:47:37.960 maybe an erection, you know, like they used to do in the fifties or the sixties, you know,
00:47:43.520 and just come home and have your lady baking a cake or something and you do, and you guys
00:47:48.500 do sex in the kitchen and it doesn't have to be, you know, that there has to be pornography
00:47:54.240 or dirty toys around or, you know, or, you know, flavored lubricants or anything like
00:47:59.960 that.
00:48:00.440 So I'm hopeful, man.
00:48:02.460 I am hopeful.
00:48:03.500 I'm going to say that I am hopeful.
00:48:05.760 And with that, I think that's what I'm going to lead us out of here with today, man.
00:48:09.460 Um, a little bit more, uh, a little bit more hope, you know, cause that's where we started
00:48:16.220 at.
00:48:16.620 So that's where we're going to leave at.
00:48:22.860 I hope we didn't get too political and stuff this week, man.
00:48:25.540 I didn't mean to.
00:48:26.340 I just, I just sometimes get agitated, you know, but I'm a hold on, man.
00:48:43.260 22 years old.
00:48:44.220 That's you, Ahmaud.
00:48:46.620 Quit skeeting, bruh.
00:48:49.360 Back off that cock, daddy.
00:48:52.260 You better than that.
00:48:55.600 Let your nuts fill up, bruh.
00:48:59.420 You know, shut that computer down, man.
00:49:03.220 Crack a book.
00:49:06.040 Get you some Mark Twain or some Chuckie Dickens, you know.
00:49:10.720 Get back to your roots, you know.
00:49:12.520 Get back to something real.
00:49:16.620 Bless my heart.
00:49:19.820 Bless my heart.
00:49:20.820 Bless yours too.
00:49:21.680 Bless yours too, man.
00:49:24.460 What I want to do.
00:49:28.080 Must be somebody.
00:49:30.820 Up above.
00:49:34.460 Somebody up above, baby.
00:49:35.860 You got to, oh, find some faith, man.
00:49:42.580 Ask somebody else if they're having a problem too.
00:49:44.700 That can really help you because, you know, if you can find a friend that's dealing with the same stuff, then y'all can deal with it together, man.
00:49:53.120 Everything's easier to deal with, not alone.
00:49:55.920 You know, I spent a lot of my life trying to battle everything alone.
00:49:59.160 Feeling like, you know, just feeling like, I don't know, maybe like I wasn't a man if I couldn't solve it myself.
00:50:07.700 You know?
00:50:08.340 But that's not true.
00:50:09.880 None of that's real.
00:50:11.480 The only thing that's real is that you have a problem and that you need to solve it.
00:50:20.680 And that's kind of vanilla icy, but, you know, just don't do it alone.
00:50:27.000 You know, that's the reality.
00:50:28.040 That it's going to be easier to solve if you got somebody else helping you or if you're helping someone else, man.
00:50:34.980 Share your experience.
00:50:37.060 You know, you'll be surprised who will be able to relate to you.
00:50:40.920 That's all we're trying to do here is share some experiences.
00:50:44.020 I'm exhausted, man.
00:50:44.840 I had a great weekend, and this was really the pinnacle of it was getting to just sit here and chat with you guys.
00:50:50.560 And thank you guys for supporting the podcast.
00:50:52.460 If you want to call in next week, you know, call in.
00:50:58.760 Let me see what's going on.
00:51:01.300 We'll just make it random.
00:51:03.560 You know, try to lay off the masturbation for a week.
00:51:07.920 But I know that I'm not going to skeet out tonight, man.
00:51:10.200 I think I got enough fodder in my brain.
00:51:13.160 I'm going to save it up.
00:51:14.720 Save it for something special.
00:51:16.040 Maybe a holiday coming up, you know.
00:51:18.320 Maybe Easter.
00:51:19.040 Find me a little Easter bunny out in the wild and share my seed the old-fashioned way, you know, in a real scenario.
00:51:29.120 All right.
00:51:29.480 You guys be good, man.
00:51:30.480 Take care.
00:51:31.580 Bonsoir.
00:51:33.040 Bonsoir.
00:51:35.040 Ladies and gentlemen, I'm Jonathan Kite, and welcome to Kite Club,
00:51:38.980 a podcast where I'll be sharing thoughts on things like current events, stand-up stories,
00:51:43.700 and seven ways to pleasure your partner.
00:51:46.380 The answer may shock you.
00:51:47.660 Sometimes I'll interview my friends.
00:51:50.180 Sometimes I won't.
00:51:51.860 And as always, I'll be joined by the voices in my head.
00:51:54.780 You have three new voice messages.
00:51:57.820 A lot of people are talking about Kite Club.
00:52:00.680 I've been talking about Kite Club for so long, longer than anybody else.
00:52:05.000 So great.
00:52:06.360 Hi, sweetheart.
00:52:08.040 Here's a deal.
00:52:09.300 Anyone who doesn't listen to Kite Club is a dodgy bloody wanker.
00:52:13.280 Do you know what I mean?
00:52:13.880 Hi, I'll take a quarter pounder with cheese and a McFlurry.
00:52:18.360 Sorry, sir, but our ice cream machine is broken.
00:52:20.460 Oh, no.
00:52:22.760 I think Tom Hanks just butt-dialed me.
00:52:25.160 Anyway, first rule of Kite Club is, tell everyone about Kite Club.
00:52:29.320 Second rule of Kite Club is, tell everyone about Kite Club.
00:52:33.580 Third rule.
00:52:34.520 Like and subscribe wherever you listen to podcasts.
00:52:37.220 Or watch us on YouTube, yeah?
00:52:38.900 And yes, don't worry, my Brad Pitt impression will get better.