This Past Weekend with Theo Von - April 17, 2017


4-17-17 This Past Weekend #18


Episode Stats


Length

51 minutes

Words per minute

171.4887

Word count

8,883

Sentence count

682

Harmful content

Misogyny

45

sentences flagged

Toxicity

198

sentences flagged

Hate speech

34

sentences flagged


Summary

Summaries generated with gmurro/bart-large-finetuned-filtered-spotify-podcast-summ .

This past weekend I stumbled upon a story in an old time magazine called "Born and Graced" and it made me think about how blessed we are to be here on this earth. I mean, we have been given the opportunity to be born and graced.

Transcript

Transcript generated with Whisper (turbo).
Misogyny classifications generated with MilaNLProc/bert-base-uncased-ear-misogyny .
Toxicity classifications generated with s-nlp/roberta_toxicity_classifier .
Hate speech classifications generated with facebook/roberta-hate-speech-dynabench-r4-target .
00:00:00.400 What's up you little Christmas criminals, bruh? Huh? You little pancake Neanderthals, you guys ready, bruh? 0.87
00:00:06.440 Are you ready, man? Jesus back, you feel him? 0.68
00:00:09.320 J.C. in the building, huh, huh, huh, huh, hallelujah.
00:00:15.860 Man, look at that hair coming in hot today, boy. 0.99
00:00:19.240 Damn, I'm feeling a warm front on my scalp, daddy. 0.99
00:00:22.280 I got that freaking cake gosling bangs with that caramel apple back slap on the neck. 1.00
00:00:27.580 Mmm, I'm feeling fired up, man. 0.96
00:00:30.620 Happy Easter to everybody. You guys ready? I'm ready.
00:00:32.740 Welcome to This Past Weekend.
00:00:36.240 This Past Weekend.
00:00:37.860 This Past Weekend.
00:00:57.580 The Brightness on the Wall
00:01:00.460 We were born and graced
00:01:06.920 Came upon a story in an old-time magazine
00:01:12.420 Came upon a story in an old-time magazine
00:01:17.620 That is born and graced, man.
00:01:22.180 That is born and graced.
00:01:24.160 And that is music.
00:01:26.920 And that is...
00:01:28.060 That's two things that I feel like I am, dude.
00:01:31.160 You know?
00:01:31.960 You don't have to be religious
00:01:33.200 You know, to have faith, I don't think.
00:01:36.620 And I don't think you have to be religious
00:01:37.960 To feel born.
00:01:40.300 Because, I mean, you're obviously born, dude.
00:01:42.340 Prove you weren't born.
00:01:44.180 Okay?
00:01:45.200 Show me pictures of, let's say,
00:01:47.900 Your baby crib with nobody in it.
00:01:51.100 Doubtful.
00:01:52.360 And also graced, man.
00:01:54.160 If I look around in my life enough, man,
00:01:56.980 I feel that I've been graced.
00:01:59.560 I feel that I've been graced, man.
00:02:01.360 I mean, I know I've made a lot of poor choices
00:02:03.120 That haven't ruined me.
00:02:07.200 That I've been able to bounce back from.
00:02:09.980 I've had a lot of experiences
00:02:11.360 That weren't good.
00:02:13.700 That I've been able to bounce back from.
00:02:17.000 I've been forgiven by people
00:02:18.660 For wrongs that I've started.
00:02:23.240 That I've created.
00:02:24.320 That I've done.
00:02:25.640 And I feel graced, man.
00:02:29.280 I'm offered grace daily.
00:02:31.040 Daily I'm offered grace.
00:02:33.180 I'm graced with the ability to be out here on earth, dude.
00:02:36.000 Think about that.
00:02:37.460 Okay?
00:02:38.240 Try existing on another planet.
00:02:41.660 Okay?
00:02:42.600 People are always saying,
00:02:43.960 Well, life isn't a miracle and it's science. 1.00
00:02:46.340 Bitch. 1.00
00:02:47.360 Okay? 1.00
00:02:48.900 Mars, dude. 0.99
00:02:50.080 We can't find a motherfucker on Mars. 0.99
00:02:53.680 They're always out there taking footprints 1.00
00:02:55.320 From 70 miles away and telling us it's something.
00:02:58.240 Dude. 1.00
00:02:59.020 You can eat a can of fucking... 1.00
00:03:00.860 You can eat a can of fucking Russian piss 1.00
00:03:03.880 With all that. 1.00
00:03:05.660 I don't believe that, dude.
00:03:07.020 You know?
00:03:08.020 Until they find a young buck
00:03:09.940 Or somebody out there 0.99
00:03:10.860 Doing sex on another planet.
00:03:13.600 Man, I'm just saying 0.99
00:03:14.720 We're graced, bro.
00:03:15.880 We're graced with the opportunity
00:03:16.900 To be here on earth.
00:03:18.320 And that's what I'm feeling, man.
00:03:19.500 Happy Easter.
00:03:20.820 Happy Easter to you guys.
00:03:22.440 It is...
00:03:22.860 Let me see the date here.
00:03:24.860 It's April...
00:03:25.920 It's Monday now.
00:03:27.640 April 17th.
00:03:29.760 And it is...
00:03:31.260 2017 is the year.
00:03:34.100 And we're still here.
00:03:35.940 We're still here.
00:03:37.380 You know, there's been a lot of things
00:03:38.420 That they say could get rid of us.
00:03:40.920 I think people were a little worried.
00:03:42.980 North Korea could be one of them. 0.57
00:03:44.400 But them dudes can't get it up. 1.00
00:03:47.260 Okay?
00:03:48.440 Huh?
00:03:48.700 Them North Koreans can't get it up. 1.00
00:03:52.400 They can't get erect.
00:03:53.820 They just basically doing a little bit
00:03:55.040 Of light Easter fireworks.
00:03:58.320 You know?
00:03:58.840 When y'all shouting out at the mouth
00:04:00.900 But y'all can't pop off.
00:04:03.560 You know?
00:04:04.220 And I've had experience with that.
00:04:07.060 You know, definitely some times in my life
00:04:08.980 Where I couldn't get physically erect.
00:04:10.880 You know, erectile in the... 1.00
00:04:12.620 You know, in the dick 1.00
00:04:13.720 In the lower penis. 1.00
00:04:14.680 And one time I remember feeling very embarrassed 1.00
00:04:19.220 With this young gal.
00:04:20.360 I don't remember her name.
00:04:21.260 Kind of taller.
00:04:23.480 Big shoulders.
00:04:24.460 Had kind of the shoulders of a man, really.
00:04:26.620 And the rest of more of a woman's body elsewhere. 1.00
00:04:30.860 And I was really struggling with some erection. 0.94
00:04:34.940 And she's like, 0.97
00:04:36.280 Well, I have a friend that can definitely get you erect. 0.99
00:04:39.460 And I was, you know, weary about it. 0.55
00:04:42.620 Because I'm already 0 for 1
00:04:44.740 Sitting there with this, you know,
00:04:47.000 A little bit of a blondezilla. 1.00
00:04:48.940 You know, a little bit of a...
00:04:50.060 You know, a little bit of a blonde squash. 1.00
00:04:52.860 You know, she was definitely... 1.00
00:04:54.400 She could play tight end
00:04:55.620 For maybe a 10 and 11 year old boys team.
00:05:01.040 And she... 1.00
00:05:02.180 But she was of age.
00:05:03.320 You know, she was over 18.
00:05:04.440 But I'm just saying with her, you know, size 0.98
00:05:06.960 And kind of, you know, upper...
00:05:09.220 She had a lot of might.
00:05:10.660 A lot of might.
00:05:12.080 Upper might around the collarbone.
00:05:14.240 And she could have really set it off, I think, there.
00:05:17.380 For a boys team around the 10 and 11 year old age range.
00:05:21.700 But anyhow...
00:05:22.640 So she phoned a friend, dude.
00:05:26.080 You know, she got all game show on me. 0.98
00:05:28.560 She phoned a friend.
00:05:30.200 This red-headed gal. 1.00
00:05:31.960 Who was kind of tatted up.
00:05:34.100 And she came over.
00:05:35.000 And both of them tried to really get me erect for a while.
00:05:38.740 And that didn't pan out.
00:05:40.700 So that was...
00:05:41.360 That was just double the disappointment.
00:05:43.660 Some shame, really, I felt.
00:05:45.420 And, you know...
00:05:47.020 I mean, I didn't want to let the second girl down.
00:05:49.300 That was really...
00:05:49.940 I felt like...
00:05:50.660 I felt like she was letting the second girl down 1.00
00:05:54.060 Via my erection. 0.99
00:05:56.020 Or lack of. 0.99
00:05:57.540 But that was kind of a trying time.
00:06:00.380 But anyway, man.
00:06:01.780 Happy Easter, dude.
00:06:02.940 Dude, I'm coming to you guys from Baton Rouge, Louisiana.
00:06:06.580 I hope that you guys had some opportunity
00:06:08.900 To spend time with family or friends.
00:06:11.380 If this audio isn't really solid,
00:06:13.680 Well, guess what, dude? 1.00
00:06:16.020 You can eat a fucking small bag of cat cocks 1.00
00:06:19.440 Because I'm doing the best I can. 1.00
00:06:21.980 And I literally have my microphone set up on a cookie tray.
00:06:27.940 And I'm doing the best I can here
00:06:29.880 From my brother's home in Baton Rouge, Louisiana.
00:06:35.000 I am...
00:06:36.220 We'll get into some personal stuff here.
00:06:38.160 I'm going to come in at nine months sober
00:06:41.820 When you hear this.
00:06:43.600 And I know some of you guys party and, you know,
00:06:45.800 Do acid and, you know, doing types...
00:06:49.800 I know some kids are doing butt acid now 0.99
00:06:51.880 Where they're doing LSD
00:06:53.560 And they're, you know, suppository type of deal.
00:06:57.220 What else?
00:06:58.060 Boofing. 1.00
00:06:59.000 That's blowing cocaine in your butt. 1.00
00:07:01.100 And you can watch that on YouTube 0.99
00:07:02.480 If you want to see some of that
00:07:04.600 What the kids are doing.
00:07:06.660 I know that some people are
00:07:08.720 Doing other types of things
00:07:11.540 Blindfolding themselves 0.99
00:07:13.020 And getting high
00:07:15.040 And, you know, jogging 0.99
00:07:16.920 And shit like that. 0.98
00:07:19.560 You know, but I'm not doing that right now. 0.99
00:07:21.720 I'm just, you know...
00:07:23.280 I decided I'm going to stay
00:07:24.520 Drug free for a while.
00:07:26.820 So that's where I'm at
00:07:27.800 In my life.
00:07:29.460 I don't judge anybody
00:07:30.360 That can still party at this moment.
00:07:33.680 Hell, I've done some...
00:07:34.840 I'm in Baton Rouge right now.
00:07:37.160 First time I ever tried some cocaine
00:07:38.560 Was over here in beautiful Baton Rouge, Louisiana.
00:07:40.640 I think.
00:07:43.300 And I went for a run.
00:07:44.580 I thought it was a, you know,
00:07:46.120 A performance enhancer.
00:07:47.560 I'd heard that.
00:07:49.120 And I guess at the time
00:07:50.160 I was training for a half marathon.
00:07:53.460 And so I caught me a couple of grams 0.78
00:07:55.380 Of, you know, that white donkey dust. 0.97
00:07:59.020 You know, a little bit of brain kick. 0.97
00:08:01.340 And I went for the longest run
00:08:04.560 I've ever ran.
00:08:05.920 I ran for 11 miles.
00:08:08.520 Because I never ended up
00:08:09.500 Doing the half marathon.
00:08:10.640 Because I got into cocaine.
00:08:13.140 Nothing will keep you out of a marathon
00:08:15.080 Like a little bit of, you know,
00:08:17.740 That white, you know, 0.98
00:08:19.180 A little bit of Saturn sugar, you know.
00:08:21.800 So, I remember just running
00:08:24.580 Along the railroad tracks
00:08:25.800 And I would stop
00:08:26.580 And do a couple bumps.
00:08:28.640 And, you know,
00:08:30.200 I did a couple grams
00:08:31.140 And ran 11 miles.
00:08:32.360 And then I jumped in over a fence
00:08:35.760 Into some people's backyard
00:08:36.860 And they were doing marshmallows.
00:08:39.540 It was kind of a,
00:08:41.140 I don't know if it was a,
00:08:41.820 It was maybe a family event,
00:08:43.020 But they were older.
00:08:43.820 This was the older people 1.00
00:08:44.680 Were still awake drinking beer
00:08:45.980 And doing marshmallows on a fire.
00:08:47.740 And I hung out with them.
00:08:50.560 I didn't have a shirt on.
00:08:51.820 I was sweating from the run
00:08:53.600 And from the drugs.
00:08:55.260 And I sat there
00:08:55.920 And ate a good deal of marshmallows
00:08:57.460 High on cocaine
00:08:58.520 And spent some time with them.
00:09:00.240 And they were LSU Tigers fans.
00:09:02.280 LSU Tigers.
00:09:03.160 And so was I.
00:09:04.120 So we had some common ground there.
00:09:06.820 But,
00:09:07.160 But anyhow,
00:09:08.500 I've had some experiences here
00:09:10.100 In Baton Rouge, Louisiana.
00:09:13.340 I'm down here spending time.
00:09:14.700 My family is here.
00:09:15.720 I've been in Louisiana all weekend.
00:09:18.600 Flew into New Orleans.
00:09:20.220 A friend of mine
00:09:20.980 Was disc jockeying.
00:09:23.380 Playing sounds.
00:09:24.340 Hitting, you know,
00:09:25.140 Doing the hits.
00:09:26.540 At a bar. 0.99
00:09:28.480 Where the people didn't give a fuck. 0.99
00:09:30.260 I'll say that. 0.98
00:09:31.280 My friend is a good DJ.
00:09:33.340 But the people didn't care.
00:09:34.900 And that was interesting to watch.
00:09:36.380 You know,
00:09:36.740 A man really putting all,
00:09:37.980 Putting his all into the wheels up there.
00:09:40.340 And seeing people 0.99
00:09:41.420 Not really wanting to back that ass up. 0.99
00:09:44.300 You know, 0.99
00:09:44.800 So I was trying to be supportive of him.
00:09:48.020 And,
00:09:48.540 And I feel like I was.
00:09:50.300 I had some good times with my friends.
00:09:53.320 Then I went to my family's house.
00:09:54.700 We did a crawfish.
00:09:56.980 I had two crawfish boils this weekend.
00:10:01.000 If you're not familiar with crawfish boiling,
00:10:04.060 It is,
00:10:05.080 Crawfish are basically,
00:10:07.120 They're like the Stephen Avery of shrimp.
00:10:09.420 You know,
00:10:09.660 They real gutter.
00:10:11.420 They seem like they,
00:10:12.300 You know,
00:10:13.000 Kind of got their GED.
00:10:15.180 You know,
00:10:15.520 They kind of dirt.
00:10:16.300 A lot of them got to carry a little extra dirt around the neck.
00:10:19.160 You know,
00:10:19.640 They're kind of the Scottish of, 0.50
00:10:21.860 Of,
00:10:22.160 Of,
00:10:23.440 Of,
00:10:23.800 Of,
00:10:24.680 Of,
00:10:25.020 Of sea life.
00:10:26.420 They're basically the Scottish of sea life.
00:10:28.600 And they are, 0.97
00:10:29.920 They're a little bit nasty.
00:10:31.300 But you boil them up.
00:10:32.760 You put some good seasoning on them.
00:10:34.300 And man,
00:10:35.580 It's a real treat.
00:10:37.160 And people get together.
00:10:38.200 And it's more about the conversation you have while you're eating them.
00:10:40.740 You know,
00:10:41.180 People sit there and you're,
00:10:42.260 And you're making sounds around each other.
00:10:45.000 And,
00:10:45.720 You know,
00:10:46.100 Your eyes are really,
00:10:47.480 You catch a strong hit of a,
00:10:49.700 You know,
00:10:50.020 A peppercorn to the back of the throat.
00:10:51.980 And that'll light your eyes up.
00:10:53.220 And so,
00:10:54.640 We did some of that,
00:10:56.780 Man.
00:10:57.020 And just,
00:10:57.840 You know,
00:10:58.080 Seeing each other be in pain.
00:10:59.660 And share their feelings at the same time.
00:11:02.820 That's really what it's about.
00:11:04.320 And that's what brings people together.
00:11:06.180 So,
00:11:06.560 I enjoyed that,
00:11:07.400 Man.
00:11:07.540 Spent some time with my family.
00:11:10.320 My brother has a,
00:11:11.400 A really nice family here in Baton Rouge,
00:11:13.600 Dude.
00:11:14.120 And that's,
00:11:15.040 To me,
00:11:15.360 It's been really inspiring in my life.
00:11:18.920 I didn't grow up with a family connection.
00:11:23.580 We grew up together.
00:11:26.200 You know,
00:11:26.940 We had four,
00:11:27.620 Four children total.
00:11:29.140 And my mother,
00:11:30.500 My mother worked a lot.
00:11:32.280 You know,
00:11:32.540 She delivered newspapers and baked goods regionally.
00:11:36.000 Newspapers locally.
00:11:37.440 And VGs regionally.
00:11:39.640 You know,
00:11:39.940 Dropping cookies and things like that out in the area.
00:11:42.820 You know,
00:11:43.140 Out to people in different close states and that.
00:11:45.780 But,
00:11:48.940 So,
00:11:49.640 Us kids were around each other,
00:11:50.960 But we didn't have a lot of connection.
00:11:53.640 And I didn't really have a sense of a family.
00:11:55.620 I didn't think a family meant anything.
00:11:57.760 You know,
00:11:58.760 But it's,
00:11:59.740 That whole perception has changed a lot.
00:12:03.000 As my brother,
00:12:04.640 You know,
00:12:04.960 Has three children now.
00:12:07.060 And watching him create a family,
00:12:09.860 You know,
00:12:10.360 Has really kind of inspired me to maybe one day be able to do it.
00:12:13.620 I have a lot of fear surrounding that.
00:12:16.400 You know,
00:12:16.780 It just feels like a ton of responsibility already.
00:12:19.700 Even though I'm not,
00:12:20.960 You know,
00:12:22.200 I'm not even near there.
00:12:23.660 You know,
00:12:24.320 But it's,
00:12:25.980 It just makes me a little nervous,
00:12:27.520 Man.
00:12:29.540 Just to know if I can,
00:12:31.560 You know,
00:12:31.920 Show up every day for my family.
00:12:33.520 You got to wake up.
00:12:34.960 Not just for yourself.
00:12:37.180 You know,
00:12:37.660 And I can be,
00:12:38.980 I have been in most of my life,
00:12:40.420 I've been,
00:12:40.660 Just selfish.
00:12:43.280 You know,
00:12:43.440 I think about myself,
00:12:44.660 I've thought about myself mostly.
00:12:46.440 Most of my life,
00:12:47.740 I've spent thinking about me.
00:12:50.960 And I think a lot of that reason is,
00:12:52.720 When I think back on my life,
00:12:54.980 I've been selfish because,
00:12:57.700 I was scared,
00:12:58.840 Man.
00:12:59.460 To be honest with you,
00:13:00.620 I was scared,
00:13:02.480 That,
00:13:04.040 That nobody else was thinking about me.
00:13:06.080 So,
00:13:08.080 One of the reasons I really believe that I was,
00:13:11.260 That I did think about only me,
00:13:12.940 Was because,
00:13:14.740 In my heart,
00:13:15.640 I've just,
00:13:16.660 I thought if I wasn't thinking about me,
00:13:19.160 That nobody was.
00:13:21.560 You know,
00:13:21.980 And it's,
00:13:22.600 You know,
00:13:23.160 Thinking,
00:13:23.560 And realizing that now,
00:13:24.700 And,
00:13:25.420 I'm not in that place now,
00:13:26.660 I don't feel like.
00:13:27.900 You know,
00:13:28.280 I've been,
00:13:29.240 You know,
00:13:29.900 Trying to,
00:13:30.860 You know,
00:13:31.180 Get help,
00:13:31.780 And get past some of those,
00:13:33.040 Childhood,
00:13:34.120 Ideas and thought processes,
00:13:37.720 So I can,
00:13:39.160 Grow up.
00:13:40.860 But,
00:13:41.660 But that's a tough one to realize,
00:13:43.500 You know,
00:13:43.780 When I start to really realize that,
00:13:47.000 You know,
00:13:47.540 I was just,
00:13:48.960 I was selfish out of the fear,
00:13:50.740 That if I wasn't thinking about me,
00:13:52.220 That nobody was.
00:13:53.760 It's kind of sad.
00:13:55.440 You know,
00:13:56.000 It's kind of sad to think that I went through,
00:13:57.460 A lot of my childhood that way,
00:13:59.680 And my young adulthood that way,
00:14:01.380 But,
00:14:01.860 But I'm happy to,
00:14:03.040 To feel that I'm not in that place anymore,
00:14:06.760 And,
00:14:08.400 I'm happy to share that,
00:14:09.620 You know,
00:14:09.820 To share,
00:14:10.760 Just some of those thoughts now,
00:14:12.600 And let you guys know,
00:14:14.300 What I went through,
00:14:15.000 Man.
00:14:15.560 But my brother has,
00:14:16.920 Three beautiful children,
00:14:18.080 One of them just learning to walk,
00:14:20.620 And this little baby is,
00:14:22.260 She's a tall baby,
00:14:24.320 I don't know how old that is,
00:14:26.240 You know,
00:14:26.540 I haven't spent a lot of time around babies,
00:14:28.060 Because I'm not a pervert,
00:14:30.180 Or a,
00:14:31.120 You know,
00:14:31.460 I'm not a pedophile,
00:14:32.380 I've babysat overnight,
00:14:34.220 I have two nieces that are older,
00:14:36.260 Nine and seven,
00:14:37.140 And I've babysat them overnight,
00:14:38.840 Multiple times,
00:14:40.180 Zero instances,
00:14:41.400 Or desires,
00:14:42.580 But this baby is a tall baby,
00:14:45.800 I can't even,
00:14:47.780 Maybe two and a half feet tall,
00:14:49.380 I don't know how tall that is really,
00:14:51.640 But anyway,
00:14:53.020 And she's just learning to walk,
00:14:54.280 And she's got big legs on her, 1.00
00:14:55.700 She's got real hardy in the, 1.00
00:14:57.400 In the ass, 1.00
00:14:58.620 And kind of in the ass, 1.00
00:14:59.720 And in the glutes, 1.00
00:15:01.400 And front, 0.99
00:15:03.000 Leg ass, 0.99
00:15:04.140 Whatever that area is, 0.99
00:15:04.880 That's kind of the top of your,
00:15:06.320 Legs, 1.00
00:15:06.880 But not your ass yet, 1.00
00:15:08.580 You know, 1.00
00:15:09.580 Your leg, 1.00
00:15:10.020 Basically your leg ass, 1.00
00:15:11.260 But watching her walk, 1.00
00:15:14.100 It's like,
00:15:14.400 Kind of like a,
00:15:16.060 I don't know if you've ever seen a,
00:15:17.440 I don't know if you've ever seen a big girl,
00:15:19.580 Eat a snow cone in the rain,
00:15:21.560 But that's kind of sexy,
00:15:23.340 No,
00:15:24.180 I don't know if you've ever seen a,
00:15:25.360 Kind of a,
00:15:26.480 You know,
00:15:26.820 A heartier girl,
00:15:28.740 You know,
00:15:29.160 Maybe a,
00:15:30.620 Yeah,
00:15:30.920 I don't know if you've ever seen a,
00:15:31.660 Kind of a thicker girl, 1.00
00:15:32.740 Get off of a, 1.00
00:15:33.540 A tilt-a-whirl,
00:15:34.940 Or a Gravitron,
00:15:35.960 At the fair,
00:15:37.620 And these are some rides,
00:15:38.980 That I referenced last week,
00:15:39.940 But I don't know if you've ever seen a big girl,
00:15:41.120 Get off of a fair,
00:15:42.640 One of a dizzy whirl,
00:15:43.700 Or one of those,
00:15:44.680 Tilt-a-whirl rides,
00:15:45.860 And you know,
00:15:46.760 Not have her,
00:15:48.020 Her senses about her,
00:15:49.260 And kind of wobble,
00:15:50.160 And you know,
00:15:51.180 Kind of lean with it,
00:15:52.620 Rock with it,
00:15:53.320 On accident,
00:15:54.600 But that's what it's like,
00:15:55.700 Watching this baby learn to walk,
00:15:57.020 It's like a big girl, 1.00
00:15:57.900 That just got off of a tilt-a-whirl,
00:15:59.540 And it's funny,
00:16:00.780 It's cute,
00:16:01.860 And it's funny,
00:16:02.680 It's funny to watch,
00:16:04.520 And it's interesting too,
00:16:05.740 When you,
00:16:06.020 When you,
00:16:06.240 When a baby's learning to walk,
00:16:07.800 Or when they take their first steps,
00:16:09.800 Everybody cares,
00:16:11.200 Everybody's like,
00:16:11.720 Oh,
00:16:12.140 You know,
00:16:12.460 She's walking,
00:16:13.880 She's walking, 1.00
00:16:15.240 This bitch is out trotting, 1.00
00:16:17.480 This bitch is trotting, 1.00
00:16:19.280 But it's crazy that, 1.00
00:16:21.500 The rest of your life you walk, 0.68
00:16:23.140 And nobody gives a fuck, 0.99
00:16:24.500 Dude, 0.96
00:16:25.100 You know,
00:16:26.180 Like nobody,
00:16:26.900 It's not like my mom texts me again,
00:16:29.760 15 or 30 years later,
00:16:31.800 And is like,
00:16:32.120 Are you still walking?
00:16:33.600 How's it going?
00:16:35.140 You know,
00:16:35.400 Or your grandmother calls,
00:16:36.640 Like,
00:16:36.920 Hi,
00:16:37.280 You know,
00:16:38.020 Good to see you,
00:16:39.020 I was there for your first couple ones,
00:16:40.920 Are you still using your legs? 1.00
00:16:43.140 Nobody gives a fuck, 1.00
00:16:44.660 The more you walk, 0.99
00:16:45.700 But it's just interesting how everybody gives a fuck, 0.95
00:16:50.640 When you first start walking, 0.97
00:16:52.460 But the more you walk, 0.63
00:16:54.020 People give less fucks, 0.63
00:16:56.040 For your ability to do leg work, 0.97
00:16:59.560 Anyhow,
00:17:00.200 Man,
00:17:00.620 It's been a joy to be around my family,
00:17:02.440 And to be inspired,
00:17:03.820 By,
00:17:05.580 By,
00:17:06.120 You know,
00:17:06.520 By my own brother,
00:17:07.600 To be able to create a family of my own one day,
00:17:09.720 I have a lot of apprehension surrounding that,
00:17:12.480 But I'm hopeful,
00:17:14.580 You know,
00:17:14.920 I'm hopeful to be able,
00:17:17.140 You know,
00:17:18.160 To,
00:17:18.500 To continually,
00:17:21.620 You know,
00:17:23.000 Surprise myself with who I can be,
00:17:25.620 And that's one thing that I think is neat about Easter,
00:17:28.820 Man,
00:17:28.980 It's about a rebirth,
00:17:30.080 Dude,
00:17:31.000 You know,
00:17:31.320 Jesus struck back,
00:17:32.620 Bruh,
00:17:33.160 You know,
00:17:33.420 Whether you think he was a savior,
00:17:34.860 Whether you think he was just a,
00:17:36.500 Early hippie,
00:17:37.340 Or whether you think he was just a straight up magician,
00:17:40.140 I mean,
00:17:40.420 He could have been a David Blaine,
00:17:42.020 Bruh,
00:17:42.460 You know,
00:17:43.520 But either way,
00:17:44.400 The dude inspired people,
00:17:46.660 And either way,
00:17:47.960 He struck back,
00:17:49.620 A lot of people thought he,
00:17:50.680 He ghosted,
00:17:51.860 And then he literally ghosted them,
00:17:54.760 Bruh,
00:17:55.320 Showed back up,
00:17:57.280 You know,
00:17:58.020 And I like ghosts,
00:17:59.600 Dude,
00:18:00.120 And matter of fact,
00:18:00.740 I love ghosts,
00:18:01.480 Bruh,
00:18:02.200 I love ghosts,
00:18:03.380 I've always,
00:18:04.060 I've always loved ghosts,
00:18:05.340 And,
00:18:05.980 I mean,
00:18:06.220 They busted a man in our town,
00:18:07.340 Trying to be a ghost,
00:18:08.640 I've told you guys about that before,
00:18:10.880 They busted a man running a,
00:18:12.440 A motel hotel,
00:18:14.840 And he was trying to be a ghost,
00:18:16.320 And they busted him,
00:18:18.240 And I was infatuated with ghosts,
00:18:19.840 Since I was a child,
00:18:21.340 Love ghosts,
00:18:22.420 Always love ghosts,
00:18:23.640 I love ghosts,
00:18:24.240 Pretty much,
00:18:24.960 And,
00:18:26.020 And that's the,
00:18:26.760 Like,
00:18:27.040 Jesus struck back,
00:18:28.340 Man,
00:18:29.100 You know,
00:18:29.960 And that's what a lot of stories in life are about,
00:18:32.620 Are about,
00:18:34.100 You know,
00:18:34.520 Everybody thinking you're down and out,
00:18:36.160 And then you roll a rock,
00:18:38.080 You roll away the rock in front of the cave,
00:18:40.340 Like Jay sees,
00:18:41.260 He hit him,
00:18:41.980 And you pop back out,
00:18:44.380 You know,
00:18:45.080 And,
00:18:45.880 And I hope that,
00:18:47.460 You know,
00:18:47.940 That I continue in my life,
00:18:49.460 To be,
00:18:50.900 Kind of reborn into new ideas,
00:18:53.700 You know,
00:18:54.420 And,
00:18:55.100 Things that I'm afraid of,
00:18:56.580 At one point,
00:18:57.980 That,
00:18:58.540 I'm amazed at how I get reborn into a new mindset,
00:19:02.640 That I'm not afraid anymore,
00:19:04.700 And that's one cool thing about getting older,
00:19:07.160 I know some of you guys have dropped some calls onto the hotline,
00:19:10.700 About,
00:19:11.220 You know,
00:19:11.440 Being scared,
00:19:12.380 And being in your early 20s,
00:19:13.800 And not knowing direction,
00:19:15.500 And stuff like that,
00:19:17.360 Bro,
00:19:17.760 Just find a little bit of faith,
00:19:18.920 It doesn't have to be in,
00:19:20.420 In a specific religion,
00:19:22.040 But,
00:19:23.360 It can be in,
00:19:24.620 A higher power,
00:19:25.880 Of any,
00:19:26.420 Of any higher power you create,
00:19:28.720 And,
00:19:29.540 Just find,
00:19:30.120 Just have some faith that,
00:19:31.680 Things will be revealed to you,
00:19:34.320 You know,
00:19:35.660 A new mindset can be revealed to you,
00:19:37.400 And you can strike back,
00:19:38.820 Dude,
00:19:39.700 You know,
00:19:40.140 You can,
00:19:40.400 You can,
00:19:40.900 You can Jesus a little, 0.85
00:19:42.380 Bro,
00:19:42.940 You know what I'm saying?
00:19:43.600 Lean with it,
00:19:44.160 Rock with it,
00:19:44.840 Bro,
00:19:45.820 You know,
00:19:46.140 Sometimes you,
00:19:47.200 You don't got your legs,
00:19:48.680 But then that,
00:19:49.680 You know,
00:19:49.980 That tilt-a-whirl,
00:19:51.140 You know,
00:19:51.480 That tilt-a-whirl fever,
00:19:52.960 That tilt-a-whirl fever,
00:19:54.300 Wears off of a big girl, 1.00
00:19:55.780 And she out trotting now, 0.80
00:19:57.420 You know,
00:19:58.080 Now she's out with her girls,
00:19:59.460 You know,
00:19:59.820 And they out there trotting,
00:20:00.920 And drinking liquor,
00:20:02.240 So,
00:20:03.320 So I'm just happy to continually be amazed,
00:20:06.460 And,
00:20:07.120 Have new,
00:20:07.880 New,
00:20:09.020 New ideas reborn into my mind,
00:20:11.020 Man,
00:20:11.520 And,
00:20:12.400 And happy Easter on that note,
00:20:13.900 Dude,
00:20:14.080 To everybody,
00:20:15.400 You know,
00:20:15.680 I watched some kids look for eggs,
00:20:17.240 And do all of that,
00:20:18.260 And,
00:20:19.020 They were fighting over the eggs,
00:20:20.640 And,
00:20:20.780 You know,
00:20:21.860 Some people got very totalitarian,
00:20:24.160 I was at an Easter egg hunt,
00:20:26.200 On Saturday,
00:20:27.820 And this was interesting,
00:20:29.120 We hid all the eggs,
00:20:30.020 For the kids,
00:20:30.640 For the children,
00:20:31.680 And then,
00:20:33.000 We go back out there,
00:20:33.880 A little while later,
00:20:35.060 One of the neighbors,
00:20:36.180 I guess,
00:20:36.680 Who was probably an alcoholic,
00:20:38.840 Had come over,
00:20:40.180 Opened up half the eggs,
00:20:41.520 In the yard,
00:20:42.140 Dude,
00:20:42.540 Eating some candies,
00:20:43.580 Leave wrappers about,
00:20:45.040 And just jetted,
00:20:46.060 Bruh,
00:20:47.140 Just jetted,
00:20:47.860 I mean,
00:20:48.180 That's some,
00:20:49.440 Who does that?
00:20:50.860 Who wanders into a children's Easter egg hunt,
00:20:53.980 Liquored up,
00:20:55.420 Snacks out,
00:20:56.940 On half them huevos,
00:20:58.460 And jets,
00:20:59.440 Bruh, 1.00
00:21:00.520 Knowing that this shit is for children? 1.00
00:21:03.620 Dude, 1.00
00:21:04.200 Man,
00:21:05.480 You know,
00:21:06.040 If I got one request,
00:21:07.980 For the Jesus Christ hotline,
00:21:09.980 It is to,
00:21:11.020 Oh,
00:21:11.480 Fire some lightning, 0.98
00:21:12.820 At that little devil, 0.98
00:21:13.960 Okay?
00:21:14.540 Because that's no way to behave,
00:21:15.940 Dude.
00:21:16.940 I mean,
00:21:17.180 I've made some poor choices,
00:21:18.360 But that is just,
00:21:19.340 Straight up gutter.
00:21:21.380 Eating just out the,
00:21:22.520 Just,
00:21:23.680 Just,
00:21:24.140 It's just,
00:21:24.860 That's dark,
00:21:25.620 That's the dark arts.
00:21:27.200 Let's crack into some news,
00:21:28.800 Man,
00:21:29.320 Um,
00:21:29.720 Did you know,
00:21:30.920 That,
00:21:32.220 Emma Morano,
00:21:34.160 Has left the earth,
00:21:35.160 She was alive for 117 years old.
00:21:39.140 She was the last human that was born in the 1800s,
00:21:41.760 That was still alive,
00:21:43.080 And she's gone.
00:21:44.720 Uh,
00:21:44.980 She just passed away,
00:21:46.240 I believe this past weekend,
00:21:47.760 And she accredits,
00:21:49.100 Uh,
00:21:49.520 Her longevity,
00:21:51.380 On this planet,
00:21:52.920 To raw eggs and cookies,
00:21:55.840 And,
00:21:56.800 To,
00:21:57.960 Um,
00:21:58.440 Getting out of an abusive marriage.
00:22:01.740 And that's,
00:22:02.580 Uh,
00:22:03.880 You know,
00:22:04.260 We,
00:22:04.480 We can all be in some abusive relationships,
00:22:06.680 You know,
00:22:07.220 I mean,
00:22:07.520 I've been,
00:22:07.960 I've been probably in emotional,
00:22:10.240 I've been emotionally abusive,
00:22:11.760 Um,
00:22:12.120 Relationships that I've been in,
00:22:14.460 Um,
00:22:15.340 You know,
00:22:16.060 And,
00:22:17.480 I feel lucky that,
00:22:18.800 That some of them gals, 0.98
00:22:19.820 Ain't in the relationship with me anymore.
00:22:21.420 So that's,
00:22:22.780 You know,
00:22:23.060 I can,
00:22:23.320 I can,
00:22:23.780 I can associate with that.
00:22:25.940 But,
00:22:26.320 Uh,
00:22:26.700 But that's what she accredits her 117 years to.
00:22:29.400 So,
00:22:30.560 If you're cooking your eggs,
00:22:31.880 Dude,
00:22:32.040 You might want to change that up.
00:22:33.660 If you're vegan,
00:22:34.800 And,
00:22:35.240 Or,
00:22:35.620 If you're non-cookietarian,
00:22:38.280 You might want to cook you up.
00:22:39.980 And if you're in an abusive relationship,
00:22:41.660 Dude,
00:22:41.820 You might want to take those boxing gloves off,
00:22:44.000 And,
00:22:44.440 Uh,
00:22:44.840 And step outside of it,
00:22:46.140 Bruh.
00:22:46.360 You could live to 117.
00:22:48.260 I don't know if I'm going to live that old,
00:22:49.380 Bruh.
00:22:50.380 You know,
00:22:50.960 At that point,
00:22:51.580 Because here's the thing,
00:22:53.160 Even your own kids,
00:22:55.740 Have probably died.
00:22:57.680 So you're sitting there,
00:22:59.700 Talking to people, 1.00
00:23:01.420 Who you fucking don't, 1.00
00:23:03.600 There's no way you could, 0.99
00:23:05.300 Know any of them,
00:23:06.540 Or what they're talking about.
00:23:08.740 Um,
00:23:09.600 I mean,
00:23:10.020 Every moment of your life must feel like you're at the DMV.
00:23:12.820 You know, 1.00
00:23:13.100 You're just kind of waiting for shit. 1.00
00:23:15.120 And you don't really know who else is fucking around. 1.00
00:23:19.100 And, 0.99
00:23:19.540 And you're,
00:23:21.140 A hundred and something years old.
00:23:23.300 Uh,
00:23:23.840 But kudos to her,
00:23:25.080 Man.
00:23:25.380 Emma Murano,
00:23:26.260 An Italian lady,
00:23:27.480 117 years old.
00:23:29.300 Um,
00:23:29.780 I'm going to drop some dates on you guys.
00:23:31.140 I'm going to get into a few calls.
00:23:32.260 I'm not making this a long cast tonight,
00:23:34.460 Because it's Easter.
00:23:35.520 And I want to get some rest.
00:23:36.880 And I got to fly to,
00:23:38.060 Uh,
00:23:38.480 Back to Los Angeles in the morning.
00:23:40.420 Uh,
00:23:40.660 I'm going to let you guys know,
00:23:41.460 I'll be at the Punchline in Sacramento,
00:23:43.140 Um,
00:23:44.240 This weekend.
00:23:45.120 That's April 21st through 23rd.
00:23:47.460 Uh,
00:23:48.420 I will be in,
00:23:50.660 Tampa,
00:23:51.600 That's May 25th through 28th.
00:23:53.680 That's Side Splitters. 1.00
00:23:55.060 I'll be in Pittsburgh,
00:23:56.280 At the Pittsburgh Improv,
00:23:57.560 June 1st through June 4th.
00:23:59.760 I will be at Gotham Comedy Club in New York City,
00:24:03.520 June 23rd through 24th.
00:24:06.520 And then we got a new show that we're announcing,
00:24:09.080 Where tickets will go on sale,
00:24:10.260 I believe next week,
00:24:11.440 Or in a week.
00:24:12.760 And that's going to be in,
00:24:13.920 A small town of Wyoming,
00:24:15.920 Illinois.
00:24:16.940 And that's going to be,
00:24:17.880 July 30th.
00:24:20.520 Actually no,
00:24:21.260 That's going to be June 30th.
00:24:22.760 I'm sorry,
00:24:23.380 June 30th.
00:24:24.340 That's going to be a fundraiser,
00:24:25.920 Uh,
00:24:26.080 That we're doing in that town.
00:24:27.060 So I'm excited.
00:24:28.240 Uh,
00:24:28.420 But that's what's going on,
00:24:29.540 Man.
00:24:30.040 Um,
00:24:30.560 And I'm happy you guys are here with me.
00:24:32.480 Uh,
00:24:32.780 I hope your Easter was great.
00:24:34.560 Um,
00:24:35.220 And we're going to get into,
00:24:36.620 Uh,
00:24:37.520 To a couple of calls,
00:24:38.880 Uh,
00:24:39.760 So I can go,
00:24:40.680 So I can go to bed,
00:24:41.620 Honestly,
00:24:42.160 Man.
00:24:43.380 All right,
00:24:44.180 Man. 1.00
00:24:44.460 I'm tired as a damn Amish birth canal, 1.00
00:24:47.280 Guys. 1.00
00:24:47.620 So let's crack into these,
00:24:48.860 Uh,
00:24:49.380 Questions.
00:24:50.400 Here we go.
00:24:51.460 Uh,
00:24:51.880 This is from Montana,
00:24:53.880 America,
00:24:55.760 Fella right here.
00:24:57.800 Yo,
00:24:58.420 This is Brandon from Billings,
00:25:00.400 Montana.
00:25:01.540 I am calling because I wanted to get some advice.
00:25:05.940 Billings,
00:25:06.600 Montana.
00:25:07.080 I actually,
00:25:07.480 Um,
00:25:08.480 Semi witnessed,
00:25:09.580 Uh,
00:25:09.880 A man jump out of a window,
00:25:11.640 Died to his death.
00:25:12.620 He landed on a Starbucks,
00:25:14.200 Actually,
00:25:14.700 In Billings.
00:25:16.020 Um,
00:25:17.200 And you know what?
00:25:17.720 I think the Starbucks even stayed open.
00:25:19.940 Uh,
00:25:20.460 But,
00:25:20.960 Uh,
00:25:21.380 But anyway,
00:25:21.940 Thank you for calling,
00:25:22.640 Brandon.
00:25:23.000 Onward.
00:25:23.880 How to get my wife, 0.72
00:25:26.140 To start giving me some more head.
00:25:28.460 I mean,
00:25:29.040 I do things in return from her,
00:25:31.020 Or,
00:25:31.260 Return to her.
00:25:32.880 Um,
00:25:33.820 I go down on her.
00:25:35.680 I even eat that little,
00:25:36.820 Uh, 1.00
00:25:37.440 Little asshole. 1.00
00:25:38.860 Okay. 1.00
00:25:39.500 Wow,
00:25:39.980 Buddy.
00:25:40.560 Uh,
00:25:41.580 If you're eating,
00:25:42.740 Eating that little b-hole,
00:25:44.040 Man,
00:25:44.220 If you're snacking on that balloon knot back there,
00:25:46.680 I think you gotta use a washcloth first.
00:25:49.040 I'm just gonna throw that out there.
00:25:50.660 You want some more head from the lady. 1.00
00:25:52.440 All right?
00:25:52.840 Onward.
00:25:54.200 But, 0.99
00:25:55.300 I get a little half-ass blowjobs. 1.00
00:25:57.960 She complains about her jaw. 1.00
00:26:00.000 You know,
00:26:00.320 Those kind of things.
00:26:01.360 Um,
00:26:02.100 Give me some advice.
00:26:03.460 Love to hear back.
00:26:05.700 All right,
00:26:06.340 Man.
00:26:06.860 Um,
00:26:07.460 All right,
00:26:07.820 Appreciate you calling.
00:26:09.720 Um, 0.55
00:26:10.180 Blowjob ailment. 0.83
00:26:11.200 You got issues here.
00:26:12.780 The,
00:26:13.880 Well,
00:26:14.160 First,
00:26:15.460 You know,
00:26:16.140 This reminds me,
00:26:16.760 Actually,
00:26:16.980 I met a gal one time,
00:26:18.740 Um,
00:26:19.400 At a casino.
00:26:21.240 And,
00:26:21.720 We kept in touch.
00:26:22.600 And then she came to visit.
00:26:24.220 And before she came in town,
00:26:25.700 She'd had some type of surgery.
00:26:27.860 Um,
00:26:28.620 And she'd broken her jaw.
00:26:30.080 Right before she came to visit me.
00:26:32.320 And,
00:26:32.840 Uh,
00:26:33.200 And she had,
00:26:35.280 She couldn't open her mouth all the way.
00:26:36.980 So, 1.00
00:26:38.720 If we tried to do some oral sex, 0.99
00:26:41.320 I kind of had to really, 1.00
00:26:43.000 Kind of feed my penis in there a little bit. 0.99
00:26:47.060 And, 1.00
00:26:47.520 Uh,
00:26:47.940 And go from there.
00:26:49.540 So,
00:26:49.980 I guess I have had some experience.
00:26:52.320 You know,
00:26:52.680 I can share that.
00:26:53.800 That I've had some experience with some issues there.
00:26:56.680 Kind of had to baby bird it in there a little bit.
00:26:58.960 And this gal's mouth is Canadian gal. 1.00
00:27:01.900 Um,
00:27:02.700 And,
00:27:03.980 Uh,
00:27:04.660 And that was really pretty wild.
00:27:06.380 She also had some,
00:27:07.640 She had fake hair that was kind of cheaply made.
00:27:11.380 Could have been made in China.
00:27:12.820 And it kind of fell out around the house a bit.
00:27:14.800 And that was alarming.
00:27:15.820 But,
00:27:15.920 Um,
00:27:17.160 But if you got an issue with the wife not doing it,
00:27:19.520 Man,
00:27:19.980 First of all,
00:27:20.940 In some places it's not even allowed.
00:27:23.300 So, 0.98
00:27:24.300 You can find some gratitude there that even bad blowjobs are allowed apparently where you live. 0.99
00:27:29.660 So that's, 0.99
00:27:30.240 That's good.
00:27:31.980 Uh,
00:27:32.720 You could leave.
00:27:34.060 Maybe leave some things around the house.
00:27:35.460 You could hide a,
00:27:36.660 You know,
00:27:37.000 Leave, 0.75
00:27:37.860 Hide a couple cucumbers around the house.
00:27:39.680 Or maybe get a sign.
00:27:41.620 You know, 0.99
00:27:42.220 It says blowjobs are welcome. 0.99
00:27:43.820 Or, 0.99
00:27:45.300 Um,
00:27:46.420 Or,
00:27:47.500 You really want to do something,
00:27:48.900 Dude,
00:27:49.240 Be brave.
00:27:49.900 Won't you get her a,
00:27:51.400 Maybe a strap on,
00:27:52.740 Or,
00:27:52.940 You know,
00:27:53.300 Um, 0.99
00:27:54.340 External penis, 0.99
00:27:55.960 Um, 0.99
00:27:56.920 Attachment,
00:27:59.220 You know,
00:27:59.620 And,
00:28:00.720 You give her one.
00:28:02.700 You know,
00:28:03.060 Fire up on a,
00:28:04.020 A little piece of rubber candy coming off of a belt that's around her waist.
00:28:09.080 And maybe show her exactly what you want.
00:28:12.360 Um,
00:28:12.840 Because if you're doing down there,
00:28:14.480 If you're down there really doing some carnal work,
00:28:18.060 Then it does seem like you might,
00:28:19.920 You'd probably,
00:28:20.860 You don't deserve it,
00:28:22.080 But,
00:28:22.600 It seemed like you want to be rewarded.
00:28:25.120 So maybe that's something you could do,
00:28:27.140 Man.
00:28:27.480 Um,
00:28:29.160 You know,
00:28:29.940 It's, 0.99
00:28:30.460 I think a blowjob's nicer as you get older, 0.99
00:28:32.580 Uh, 1.00
00:28:33.300 Because,
00:28:34.640 It just kind of,
00:28:35.820 It's a different type of touch,
00:28:37.460 You know,
00:28:37.860 And it's,
00:28:38.940 It's exciting to a man,
00:28:40.440 Uh,
00:28:41.200 To see that and to be a part of it.
00:28:43.300 You know, 0.99
00:28:43.660 Part of the blowjob is just seeing it occur. 0.98
00:28:46.140 And that's really maybe what you're wanting to see. 0.99
00:28:49.360 Um,
00:28:49.860 But I commend you for sticking it out with your wife and,
00:28:52.300 You know,
00:28:52.620 Wanting to figure it out and not resorting. 0.99
00:28:54.220 Sorting to getting external blowjobs or, 0.99
00:28:57.840 You know, 1.00
00:28:58.440 Or jerking off into fake mouths. 1.00
00:29:00.240 You can buy a lot of these fake mouths on the internet. 1.00
00:29:02.920 And,
00:29:03.220 I don't recommend that.
00:29:05.220 I like the way you're keeping it there within the,
00:29:07.080 Within the family unit.
00:29:09.440 Um,
00:29:10.440 I mean,
00:29:10.800 If you're,
00:29:11.540 You know,
00:29:11.860 I am,
00:29:12.220 I am talking about family this evening. 0.99
00:29:13.740 And blowjob ain't gonna get you a family. 1.00
00:29:15.360 That's for sure. 1.00
00:29:16.680 You know,
00:29:17.040 You're gonna have to go guts on that.
00:29:18.980 You're gonna have to get up in the guts if you want a family up.
00:29:22.200 But,
00:29:22.700 If you're just looking to get a little more head,
00:29:24.040 I would suggest,
00:29:25.640 You know,
00:29:26.100 Leaving some longevity type vegetables,
00:29:28.940 Cucumbers,
00:29:29.860 Uh,
00:29:30.920 You know,
00:29:31.320 Some eggplants.
00:29:32.540 You know,
00:29:33.340 That's the new emoji there.
00:29:34.840 So maybe,
00:29:35.720 Hide an eggplant in the bed.
00:29:37.320 And see how that,
00:29:38.320 You know,
00:29:38.560 What that starts as.
00:29:40.520 Um,
00:29:41.400 You know,
00:29:41.780 Get a sign maybe.
00:29:43.280 Maybe graffiti your house,
00:29:44.760 Dude.
00:29:45.020 Hire a couple of,
00:29:46.340 You know,
00:29:46.860 Dark artists. 0.84
00:29:47.580 To maybe,
00:29:48.760 You know,
00:29:50.000 Um,
00:29:51.740 Maybe write, 1.00
00:29:52.580 They ain't sucking dick around here. 1.00
00:29:54.320 Something on your garage one morning. 1.00
00:29:56.840 You know,
00:29:57.120 Maybe just even start the conversation.
00:29:58.980 You can start it externally,
00:30:00.200 By,
00:30:01.260 Uh,
00:30:01.500 Having some local,
00:30:02.360 Uh,
00:30:03.280 Ne'er-do-wells help out. 1.00
00:30:05.480 Um,
00:30:06.140 Now Montana,
00:30:07.100 You want to keep her hydrated,
00:30:08.260 Because that also is the kind of country,
00:30:09.840 Where you can get dehydrated pretty quickly.
00:30:13.340 Um,
00:30:14.120 But once you call us back,
00:30:15.320 Maybe in a couple weeks,
00:30:16.100 And see,
00:30:16.580 You know,
00:30:17.280 Let us know how,
00:30:17.920 How that's going.
00:30:19.280 And if,
00:30:19.760 If any of these suggestions are helping out.
00:30:23.040 Um,
00:30:24.080 But you want to create the conversation.
00:30:26.580 You know,
00:30:26.880 You want to make it a comfortable conversation that you guys can have together.
00:30:30.620 Um,
00:30:31.300 And just let her know you enjoy it.
00:30:33.520 You know,
00:30:34.040 Let her know you enjoy it.
00:30:35.860 I would,
00:30:36.380 Maybe send her a card that says, 1.00
00:30:37.880 Thank you for the blowjobs you give. 0.99
00:30:40.260 You know, 0.99
00:30:40.680 And maybe that'll just inspire her to want to do more. 0.99
00:30:43.360 Get her one of those blowjob classes. 1.00
00:30:45.440 You know, 1.00
00:30:45.840 Or,
00:30:46.780 Um,
00:30:47.620 There's probably videos on the YouTube channel.
00:30:48.680 On the internet,
00:30:49.120 YouTube links,
00:30:50.100 You could send her.
00:30:50.680 But sending a lady a link is pretty,
00:30:53.140 It's not very classy.
00:30:54.180 I'd get her an actual,
00:30:55.220 Uh,
00:30:56.180 Instructural course.
00:30:58.120 You know,
00:30:58.460 They got some,
00:30:59.620 Um,
00:31:00.100 Ladies that do lectures and stuff. 1.00
00:31:01.620 And even gay men,
00:31:02.780 You know, 0.93
00:31:03.180 That do lectures.
00:31:04.580 You know, 0.96
00:31:05.060 Or maybe introduce her to some gay men. 0.73
00:31:07.260 I mean,
00:31:07.660 They're, 0.99
00:31:08.040 They do blowjobs, 1.00
00:31:09.100 And maybe they could help inspire her. 0.99
00:31:11.400 So,
00:31:12.340 I'm going to say good luck with that right there.
00:31:14.180 Moving on.
00:31:16.900 What's up,
00:31:17.600 Theo,
00:31:17.820 Man,
00:31:18.200 My name's John.
00:31:19.160 Big fan of the podcast,
00:31:20.920 Dude.
00:31:21.700 Thank you,
00:31:22.180 John.
00:31:22.480 Thank you for listening,
00:31:23.280 Man.
00:31:23.620 Um,
00:31:23.920 I do appreciate it.
00:31:25.820 Continue.
00:31:26.660 I had a question for you.
00:31:28.080 You've mentioned,
00:31:29.540 I think in your act,
00:31:30.480 And in several of your podcasts,
00:31:32.580 That,
00:31:32.880 Uh,
00:31:33.660 Your brother tried to,
00:31:35.380 You know, 1.00
00:31:36.440 Have sex with you when you were a kid. 1.00
00:31:39.280 And you also, 1.00
00:31:40.160 Yes,
00:31:40.920 I'm going to say yes to that.
00:31:42.140 My brother,
00:31:42.760 Um,
00:31:43.180 You know, 0.73
00:31:43.920 Developed this heavy desire to do sex with me when we were children. 0.70
00:31:48.340 Um, 0.64
00:31:49.420 It was kind of,
00:31:50.440 Uh,
00:31:51.540 You know, 0.99
00:31:51.860 He realized I kind of had a hole in my butt, 0.99
00:31:53.620 And he was really, 0.99
00:31:54.520 He got early onset erections.
00:31:56.240 I've discussed that before.
00:31:57.560 Onward.
00:31:58.240 You also mentioned,
00:31:59.400 Uh,
00:32:00.740 I think,
00:32:01.260 Uh,
00:32:01.500 A couple months ago in your podcast,
00:32:03.340 That you were out visiting him and his family.
00:32:06.400 I am.
00:32:07.320 I'm actually,
00:32:07.840 I'm at their home now.
00:32:08.880 I'm actually,
00:32:09.400 I'm actually recording this,
00:32:11.440 At,
00:32:11.720 Uh,
00:32:11.920 Midnight,
00:32:12.580 Right under,
00:32:13.360 Uh,
00:32:13.880 He and his wife's room.
00:32:15.900 Um,
00:32:16.500 So I guess that is,
00:32:18.220 This is interesting.
00:32:19.940 Let's,
00:32:20.500 Let's hear more.
00:32:21.680 I'm just thinking,
00:32:23.220 Is that something that,
00:32:24.760 Is addressed?
00:32:27.280 You guys ever talk about that?
00:32:29.080 What does his wife think about that? 1.00
00:32:31.420 Um,
00:32:31.780 I just find it pretty strange that,
00:32:33.840 He tried to do that to you as a kid,
00:32:37.460 And it seems like,
00:32:39.220 That would create issue for,
00:32:41.220 Uh,
00:32:41.440 Later on in life.
00:32:42.420 But it seems,
00:32:43.740 You guys are pretty close.
00:32:44.880 So I'm just wondering,
00:32:45.820 Uh,
00:32:46.020 How you guys go about that?
00:32:48.860 Well,
00:32:49.400 I'll stop it there and just say that.
00:32:50.820 I mean,
00:32:50.960 I think we had tougher things to deal with.
00:32:53.940 Um,
00:32:54.760 You know,
00:32:55.260 There was,
00:32:56.300 You know,
00:32:56.760 We were,
00:32:57.680 It was a tough neighborhood.
00:32:59.180 And in hindsight,
00:33:00.780 It was one of the few things that kind of brought us together as children.
00:33:05.660 It's,
00:33:06.080 Sadly,
00:33:06.440 It's one of the,
00:33:07.460 It's one of the few memories we have as young children where we spent time together. 0.97
00:33:14.220 It was me really hiding my butt from him. 0.97
00:33:17.560 Um, 0.98
00:33:18.440 You know,
00:33:19.420 And I,
00:33:19.680 It is very strange.
00:33:21.000 I agree.
00:33:22.620 Um,
00:33:23.120 Do we discuss it now?
00:33:26.200 Here,
00:33:26.460 Let me,
00:33:26.700 You're almost done.
00:33:27.460 Let me finish up this question.
00:33:28.740 All right,
00:33:29.060 man.
00:33:29.320 Keep up the good work.
00:33:30.300 Love the podcast.
00:33:31.860 Uh,
00:33:32.220 I'm going to come see you out in Sacramento.
00:33:34.800 Oh,
00:33:35.080 Good.
00:33:35.440 Um,
00:33:35.880 April 23rd,
00:33:37.480 I believe.
00:33:38.500 Looking forward to it.
00:33:39.040 Yes, you are, man.
00:33:39.440 That's this weekend.
00:33:40.440 I'm excited about that.
00:33:42.400 Um,
00:33:43.840 Do we address it?
00:33:45.560 We have.
00:33:46.640 We've discussed it.
00:33:48.220 Um,
00:33:48.640 You know,
00:33:49.740 There's been forgiveness offered and,
00:33:51.720 Uh,
00:33:52.100 Forgiveness accepted on both sides.
00:33:54.580 You know,
00:33:54.860 I didn't,
00:33:55.880 And also just an understanding that we were children.
00:33:59.220 You know,
00:33:59.620 I have,
00:34:00.080 Um,
00:34:00.800 Uh,
00:34:01.140 Some nephews from a different family.
00:34:03.100 Um,
00:34:04.420 You know,
00:34:04.880 From kind of a surrogate family.
00:34:06.080 And I walked in on two of those young fellas nude in the bed one time. 0.99
00:34:10.420 You know,
00:34:11.280 Just,
00:34:12.000 Just laying on top of each other's bodies.
00:34:14.620 You know? 0.92
00:34:15.560 And they weren't gay children. 0.70
00:34:17.020 They were just,
00:34:18.800 You know,
00:34:19.260 Young children.
00:34:20.800 And they're,
00:34:21.640 They had a lot of feelings in their skin at the,
00:34:23.780 At the moment.
00:34:24.580 You know?
00:34:24.880 And their bodies just feel fancy to each other when you're young.
00:34:30.080 And you don't know anything.
00:34:31.840 You know?
00:34:32.700 Um, 1.00
00:34:33.940 We had a boy in our town who used to kind of put his dick in the ground. 1.00
00:34:38.100 Um, 1.00
00:34:38.740 And that was bizarre.
00:34:40.360 You know?
00:34:40.920 And you'd see him a lot outside.
00:34:43.720 Always just laying on the ground.
00:34:46.060 And you knew what he was doing.
00:34:47.720 You know?
00:34:48.120 He was doing,
00:34:49.700 Just doing,
00:34:50.620 Kind of dicking down in the earth a little.
00:34:52.580 And that was just him being young.
00:34:55.060 And so my brother and I have discussed that.
00:34:56.920 It is funny.
00:34:57.640 Sometimes I'll see,
00:34:58.580 You know,
00:34:58.820 His kids kind of fight. 1.00
00:35:00.780 And they're slapping each other on the butt. 0.99
00:35:02.320 And I'll kind of nudge them a little. 0.99
00:35:04.080 And that'll take us back to those times.
00:35:06.560 A lot of that was because we shared bath time together.
00:35:09.560 Um,
00:35:10.340 You know,
00:35:11.040 A lot of families will do group baths when you're young with the children.
00:35:15.060 Um,
00:35:15.860 And my brother was just weird,
00:35:17.180 Man.
00:35:17.340 He,
00:35:17.520 You know,
00:35:17.760 He got early on set erections.
00:35:19.160 And it's hard to,
00:35:21.100 I can't penalize him for that. 0.99
00:35:24.000 And I really can't penalize myself for being kind of a hot piece of ass when I really, 0.99
00:35:28.240 You know, 0.99
00:35:28.580 If I want to think about it like that.
00:35:31.040 Um,
00:35:32.400 I mean,
00:35:32.740 I had another time where one of my good friends and I were under a blanket,
00:35:36.580 Kind of feeling each other's rib cages and feeling erotic.
00:35:40.740 You know,
00:35:41.300 And now that's weird when I see him because he doesn't wish to discuss it.
00:35:44.860 And he doesn't want to admit that,
00:35:46.940 You know,
00:35:47.260 We were both sitting under these blankets being erect and just kind of feeling each other's ribs,
00:35:51.260 Kind of like a,
00:35:52.720 You know,
00:35:53.160 Like a blind man at a, 0.89
00:35:54.740 At an instrument.
00:35:56.520 Um,
00:35:57.640 But that occurred.
00:35:58.780 And some of that's just childhood stuff.
00:36:01.380 Um,
00:36:02.280 Does his wife know about it?
00:36:03.780 That's a good question.
00:36:04.920 She's heard some of my comedy where I do talk about it.
00:36:07.220 I don't know if she's heard that bit yet or not.
00:36:10.300 And if he comes to me and says that he wants,
00:36:13.780 That she wants to discuss it with me,
00:36:15.080 I am open to discuss it.
00:36:17.120 Um,
00:36:17.560 It's not some stuff sometimes that I want to relive.
00:36:20.300 Uh,
00:36:20.820 Because I just realized that there's,
00:36:23.280 We can't go back in time and undo some of that young attraction.
00:36:27.480 Um,
00:36:28.000 And in a way I kind of,
00:36:30.440 You know,
00:36:31.000 I'm a little,
00:36:31.400 I'm not grateful for it.
00:36:32.900 Uh,
00:36:33.260 Cause it was,
00:36:33.860 It was hectic dude.
00:36:35.500 You know,
00:36:36.040 Knowing that,
00:36:37.220 You know,
00:36:37.940 It was just,
00:36:38.520 It was like a game of freeze tag that was going to cost you really some,
00:36:43.500 You know, 1.00
00:36:44.040 Whatever joy you currently kind of held in your ass as a child. 1.00
00:36:48.040 You know, 1.00
00:36:48.560 Or comfort.
00:36:49.500 Whatever,
00:36:49.780 You know,
00:36:49.980 I was worried it was going to cost me some comfort.
00:36:51.720 Cause that,
00:36:52.740 I mean,
00:36:53.280 My brother really,
00:36:54.660 He came at me with that, 0.99
00:36:56.060 With that erection. 1.00
00:36:58.120 And, 0.99
00:36:58.500 Uh,
00:36:59.980 And it was,
00:37:02.360 It was,
00:37:03.080 It just was what it was,
00:37:04.300 Man.
00:37:04.680 We've kind of moved past it.
00:37:05.940 I appreciate you asking about it.
00:37:07.200 Cause that,
00:37:07.540 You know,
00:37:07.720 I do think it is interesting.
00:37:09.480 And I think a lot of,
00:37:10.660 Um,
00:37:11.400 A lot of,
00:37:12.160 Uh,
00:37:13.080 Children,
00:37:14.240 When they were,
00:37:14.900 A lot of people now,
00:37:15.900 When they were children,
00:37:16.580 Had some things like that.
00:37:18.840 Occur.
00:37:20.120 You know,
00:37:20.660 Um,
00:37:21.820 One of my sisters used to kind of do little strip teasers and we're waiting in the car.
00:37:26.660 When,
00:37:27.160 When my dad would go inside to,
00:37:29.440 You know,
00:37:29.760 Usually he would go get us a sack of pies,
00:37:32.100 A sack of,
00:37:32.620 Uh,
00:37:33.320 Slice,
00:37:34.120 Pie slices from the Burger King.
00:37:36.500 And one of my sisters would kind of do some light erotic dancing sometimes in the back of his car. 1.00
00:37:42.900 And that shit was, 0.99
00:37:44.380 You know, 1.00
00:37:44.880 I don't know what the hell it was,
00:37:46.180 But,
00:37:46.880 In hindsight,
00:37:47.640 It was kind of weird and alarming,
00:37:49.060 I guess.
00:37:49.500 But,
00:37:49.980 At the time it was just children and,
00:37:52.880 You know,
00:37:53.380 It was,
00:37:54.320 I just look at it as something that kind of,
00:37:57.720 You know,
00:37:58.120 We did and we were kids and we didn't know.
00:38:00.380 If he tried it now,
00:38:02.060 That'd be very much,
00:38:04.820 That'd be a bigger discussion.
00:38:06.380 You know?
00:38:07.160 And I don't think we'll resort to that unless,
00:38:10.220 You know, 0.99
00:38:10.520 The damn world's about to end or unless, 0.99
00:38:12.780 Um, 0.99
00:38:14.060 You know,
00:38:14.720 He's married now and we don't have really a lot of those feelings for each other.
00:38:18.080 You know,
00:38:18.480 Anything like that.
00:38:19.500 You know,
00:38:19.660 Our feelings now are just platonic,
00:38:22.220 Fam,
00:38:22.580 Familial.
00:38:24.280 Um,
00:38:24.820 And I'm grateful,
00:38:25.960 Uh,
00:38:27.000 I'm grateful that we went through that in a way so that if he sees that with his kids,
00:38:30.900 He kind of knows how to navigate it.
00:38:33.240 So we kind of took that bullet for our family,
00:38:35.580 I think.
00:38:36.300 Um,
00:38:36.880 But I appreciate you asking about it,
00:38:38.460 Man.
00:38:39.100 We got one more question here.
00:38:42.560 Hey,
00:38:43.040 What's up,
00:38:43.540 Theo?
00:38:43.900 My name is Zane.
00:38:44.880 I live,
00:38:45.300 Uh,
00:38:46.180 Not too far from you.
00:38:47.320 I live up here in Ontario,
00:38:48.460 California.
00:38:49.700 Ontario,
00:38:50.180 California.
00:38:50.580 They have a comedy club out there,
00:38:51.580 Ontario Improv.
00:38:53.320 Well,
00:38:53.580 I don't perform that much,
00:38:54.720 Zane,
00:38:55.040 But maybe in the future.
00:38:56.240 Thanks for calling,
00:38:56.960 Bud.
00:38:57.180 Onward.
00:38:57.520 And I just got done listening to this latest episode.
00:39:00.740 You said you were going to take some calls on family life.
00:39:04.100 Yes,
00:39:04.400 sir.
00:39:05.140 Me and my lady,
00:39:05.880 we've been together for 11 years.
00:39:11.740 She's going to be two this May. 1.00
00:39:13.020 And,
00:39:14.000 uh,
00:39:14.240 Okay,
00:39:14.980 you might not have been able to heard that there.
00:39:16.260 It cut out.
00:39:16.980 He has a child now that's going to be two,
00:39:19.280 uh,
00:39:19.680 this May.
00:39:20.880 He and his wife who have been together for 11 years.
00:39:23.680 Onward,
00:39:24.060 Zane.
00:39:24.720 I mean,
00:39:25.060 I just want to tell you,
00:39:25.880 man,
00:39:26.060 having a child and working for a family.
00:39:28.960 I mean,
00:39:29.600 kids are,
00:39:30.420 kids aren't easy,
00:39:31.160 but they're not as hard as everybody makes it seem.
00:39:33.580 And,
00:39:33.600 you know,
00:39:34.360 I,
00:39:34.540 I work hard.
00:39:35.240 I've been,
00:39:35.580 uh,
00:39:35.940 you know,
00:39:37.180 I've worked harder now since she's been born than I've ever worked,
00:39:39.980 but you know,
00:39:40.500 it's all worth it.
00:39:41.600 And,
00:39:41.840 uh,
00:39:42.500 you know,
00:39:42.740 you seem like a good dude and I,
00:39:44.180 uh,
00:39:44.460 I wish you nothing but the best.
00:39:45.900 I hope you,
00:39:46.520 uh,
00:39:47.240 you find what you're looking for.
00:39:48.460 And if you're thinking of starting a family,
00:39:49.820 I think,
00:39:50.340 uh,
00:39:51.220 you'd be great at it.
00:39:52.180 You know,
00:39:52.500 it's,
00:39:52.800 uh,
00:39:53.220 you know,
00:39:53.480 all they need is a little bit of love and some diapers and food.
00:39:56.920 You know what I mean?
00:39:57.980 And,
00:39:58.320 uh,
00:39:58.500 take care and good luck,
00:39:59.620 man.
00:39:59.980 Later.
00:40:01.200 Man,
00:40:01.620 thank you for that call,
00:40:02.580 dude.
00:40:03.140 Um,
00:40:04.280 you know,
00:40:04.640 and I know that wasn't a question,
00:40:05.940 uh,
00:40:06.480 that he was asking really,
00:40:07.500 it was just a statement.
00:40:08.720 Um,
00:40:09.860 but I wanted to share that because I thought that was just a nice call.
00:40:13.520 It was a call of encouragement.
00:40:15.600 Uh,
00:40:16.400 and I need those,
00:40:17.420 you know,
00:40:17.760 I'm not saying call and encourage me or,
00:40:20.980 you know,
00:40:21.820 uh,
00:40:22.100 but I do get some calls that are just supportive and I want to say,
00:40:25.240 I appreciate that,
00:40:26.380 man.
00:40:26.800 Um,
00:40:27.480 and this call kind of touched me a little bit cause you can just hear in his
00:40:30.180 voice,
00:40:30.680 uh,
00:40:32.240 you know,
00:40:32.500 that he cares,
00:40:33.520 you know,
00:40:34.420 that he,
00:40:34.960 that he,
00:40:35.860 you could hear some pride when he talks about showing up.
00:40:39.540 Um,
00:40:39.940 he's got a two year old little girl.
00:40:41.520 I mean,
00:40:41.780 that's beautiful.
00:40:42.840 You know,
00:40:43.300 I don't know if you've ever,
00:40:44.640 you know,
00:40:45.400 uh,
00:40:46.440 you know,
00:40:46.720 just spent time around a two year old little girl,
00:40:50.200 but that means it's about the sweetest thing when they're behaving,
00:40:52.820 about the sweetest thing you can imagine.
00:40:55.340 Um,
00:40:56.140 and just to hear this man,
00:40:57.300 I'm married for 11 years and he's got a two year old girl and it inspires him to,
00:41:03.240 to work hard and,
00:41:05.160 and to keep going.
00:41:06.700 And that's cool,
00:41:07.580 man.
00:41:07.860 It's cool to hear.
00:41:09.060 I think partially because,
00:41:10.820 you know,
00:41:11.660 I didn't,
00:41:12.580 I don't know how my dad felt about me.
00:41:14.560 You know,
00:41:14.900 my dad was 70 when I was born and he was 86,
00:41:17.540 uh,
00:41:18.360 when he died.
00:41:18.980 And,
00:41:19.220 uh,
00:41:20.120 I never,
00:41:21.120 you know,
00:41:21.480 we,
00:41:21.680 we just never got to have those conversations by the time I was old enough to ask him what it was like to be a dad or some of the joys that he had when he was around me as a child.
00:41:31.100 He was gone.
00:41:31.680 And so it's just nice to hear,
00:41:34.080 um,
00:41:35.440 just a man excited about his family.
00:41:38.220 You know,
00:41:38.700 we see all this stuff about how families don't work and how marriages don't work.
00:41:42.100 Um,
00:41:43.020 but what we don't hear about sometimes is just,
00:41:45.340 we don't hear a man say that he enjoys it and that it's hard work,
00:41:49.920 but that it brings him some of the greatest joys of his life.
00:41:55.560 And I think about it,
00:41:57.080 you know,
00:41:57.940 and I think about starting a family now.
00:42:00.400 I never thought about it before,
00:42:02.240 dude.
00:42:02.900 Um,
00:42:03.580 and that's been one of the gifts of me over the past nine months of not drinking and partying for me has been having time to reflect and having time to listen to other people.
00:42:14.140 and really hear other people and hear some of the joys and hear some of the trouble that they go through and to kind of learn from it or see how some of those experiences would feel in my own life.
00:42:27.680 And,
00:42:27.700 and,
00:42:28.020 and starting a family is something that I've thought a lot about.
00:42:31.140 You know,
00:42:31.400 it's scary to me.
00:42:33.060 It's scary to me to not think about myself sometimes,
00:42:36.720 you know,
00:42:37.820 to think about that,
00:42:39.380 to imagine that the part of my life where just me,
00:42:44.140 and my joy is over,
00:42:46.280 you know,
00:42:46.540 and that it's selfish to think that I don't want to,
00:42:50.140 you know,
00:42:52.020 provide or create a world for someone else because I'm not done creating my own world.
00:42:57.900 And that's okay.
00:42:59.560 But,
00:43:00.160 but at some point I have to start to let that teeter totter start to tip,
00:43:04.560 you know,
00:43:04.900 if,
00:43:07.540 if I want to have a family and,
00:43:09.940 and,
00:43:10.280 and,
00:43:10.840 you know,
00:43:12.180 and this year I've started to feel like I would like to,
00:43:16.200 you know,
00:43:16.500 and it's,
00:43:17.060 it's scary.
00:43:18.140 It's scary to think about what kind of dad I would be,
00:43:20.420 you know,
00:43:20.720 after,
00:43:21.100 would I be able to even be married for 11 years?
00:43:23.900 Dude,
00:43:24.100 that sounds,
00:43:24.780 I mean,
00:43:26.720 I haven't been in a relationship in 10 years,
00:43:29.200 you know,
00:43:30.760 because of commitment issues that I have and stuff.
00:43:33.120 And so just to hear,
00:43:36.560 you know,
00:43:38.000 that there's somebody out there that's doing it.
00:43:40.760 And that is,
00:43:41.640 you can hear the joy in his voice.
00:43:44.360 It's inspiring to me,
00:43:45.740 man,
00:43:46.260 you know,
00:43:46.660 because I think families are important.
00:43:49.120 You know,
00:43:49.360 if I could go back in time and have anything,
00:43:51.240 and my life's been filled with a lot of unique experiences,
00:43:54.900 man.
00:43:55.520 I've been really,
00:43:56.880 really blessed.
00:43:59.220 I've been really graced.
00:44:01.120 I've had a lot of grace in my life.
00:44:04.860 And,
00:44:05.040 but if I could have almost anything when I really think about it,
00:44:08.480 it would be to go back and have just a,
00:44:11.340 a childhood where I felt loved,
00:44:14.160 you know,
00:44:14.860 because I didn't have that.
00:44:17.400 I had a lot of supplementary love that came from,
00:44:20.240 families that took me in.
00:44:24.480 And,
00:44:24.980 and I love my mother and I love my father.
00:44:27.360 And I think they both did what they could for sure.
00:44:31.560 And no one will ever replace my mother or father,
00:44:35.180 you know,
00:44:35.740 but for some reason as a child,
00:44:38.560 I just did not feel loved.
00:44:41.660 And,
00:44:41.760 and it's just really nice to hear somebody,
00:44:44.840 you know,
00:44:45.940 that's doing that for their child. 0.75
00:44:47.900 And to know that that child has a chance to grow up in that environment.
00:44:52.160 So I guess I just wanted to kind of play that and share that and just let that thought be out there.
00:44:58.780 And to inspire anybody else that's thinking about it,
00:45:01.740 you know,
00:45:02.560 if you're struggling or if you feel like somebody else needs inspiration in that realm, 0.99
00:45:06.920 fucking share it with the man, 0.99
00:45:09.160 you know, 1.00
00:45:09.480 don't be afraid to drop your joy on other people.
00:45:11.780 A lot of my life,
00:45:14.820 for some reason,
00:45:16.060 I've even felt scared to feel joy.
00:45:19.660 You know,
00:45:20.000 I think because I felt so much misery or pain as a child and I felt so insecure and so just low self-worth.
00:45:30.740 That when joy came around,
00:45:33.640 the possibility of even telling somebody else that I felt good,
00:45:37.320 that was scary to me.
00:45:40.100 And sometimes it still is,
00:45:41.480 man.
00:45:41.780 Sometimes it's still scary to let people know that I feel good,
00:45:47.900 you know,
00:45:48.260 when I do.
00:45:49.440 And that's a new,
00:45:50.200 that's a new thing for me is learning to let people know that I feel okay.
00:45:55.340 Because for a lot of my life,
00:45:58.740 the only thing that I knew how to feel and to navigate was that I didn't feel okay.
00:46:05.500 You know,
00:46:05.900 so,
00:46:07.040 so that's another thing,
00:46:09.580 man,
00:46:09.680 where I'm kind of being a little bit reborn right there in that space where if you'd asked me a year ago,
00:46:16.860 dude,
00:46:17.180 do you think,
00:46:17.700 you know,
00:46:17.980 you'll have,
00:46:19.980 you know,
00:46:20.440 would you be in a year from now,
00:46:22.300 do you think you'll be in a space where you,
00:46:24.880 you know,
00:46:25.560 will have days where you feel okay?
00:46:28.740 All day.
00:46:29.780 I probably would have said no,
00:46:31.600 you know.
00:46:33.160 But the last year of my life has been kind of monumental.
00:46:36.000 And the fact that I feeling some opportunities to have some of my feelings,
00:46:42.520 be reborn and have some just new ideas of happiness revealed to me.
00:46:52.980 And a lot of that's happening through other people.
00:46:55.820 Other people just sharing their joy and me being able to actually hear it and feel it.
00:47:00.920 And so anyhow,
00:47:02.920 thanks for calling in.
00:47:03.660 We got some other calls.
00:47:04.480 I'll get to them next week,
00:47:05.540 man.
00:47:07.340 You know,
00:47:07.800 but thank you,
00:47:08.300 Zane.
00:47:09.340 Thank you,
00:47:09.820 Blowjob and Billings. 1.00
00:47:11.660 And thanks for asking about the sexuality with my brother.
00:47:14.980 And,
00:47:15.000 you know,
00:47:16.340 part of it's,
00:47:17.560 you know,
00:47:17.840 it's funny to think about the times we had.
00:47:19.660 I mean,
00:47:19.840 that was,
00:47:20.860 you want to talk about hide and seek,
00:47:22.240 dude.
00:47:22.660 That's,
00:47:23.620 that was about a year and a half of hide and seek that went,
00:47:26.100 that was full throttle,
00:47:27.420 dude.
00:47:27.760 That's fast and furious.
00:47:29.100 That's the Tokyo drift of hide and seek. 0.99
00:47:31.620 When your brother's trying to do sex to you in the house. 0.92
00:47:35.140 I'm going to take us out this evening on a song here. 0.98
00:47:39.920 This is a victory theme.
00:47:42.820 That's all I know about this.
00:47:45.040 I want to thank you guys for joining me on this past weekend.
00:47:47.920 Continue to hit the hotline.
00:47:49.300 I'll post the number at the bottom of the YouTubes.
00:47:52.420 This will be on iTunes and then on YouTube later in the day on Monday.
00:47:56.780 Happy Easter.
00:47:58.600 I hope it was a good one for everybody.
00:48:00.820 I really do.
00:48:01.600 And I appreciate you guys so much for just kind of going on this journey with
00:48:06.440 me and learning as we go,
00:48:08.440 you know, 1.00
00:48:09.120 damn, 1.00
00:48:11.000 boy, 1.00
00:48:11.100 I'll say this,
00:48:11.760 dude,
00:48:12.740 nobody could run 11 miles on a couple of grams of cocaine like your boy right
00:48:16.980 here.
00:48:17.620 All right.
00:48:18.780 Let's take a salve,
00:48:19.920 man.
00:48:24.080 That's like a little bit of Rocky music right there.
00:48:26.280 You feel that?
00:48:31.600 I said victory theme,
00:48:33.240 bruh.
00:48:36.980 I said victory theme.
00:48:38.780 Because anything can happen,
00:48:41.300 man.
00:48:41.400 You got to sometimes embrace the idea of possibility.
00:48:45.000 That's what I'm learning.
00:48:47.080 You know, 1.00
00:48:47.360 and maybe next week I want to kill myself, 0.85
00:48:49.220 but this week I don't.
00:48:51.660 And this week I'm going to take on my day and think that anything is possible.
00:48:57.600 Because a lot of times I would take my days like,
00:48:59.540 oh,
00:48:59.700 I know what today's going to be like. 0.97
00:49:01.140 This is going to suck. 1.00
00:49:02.940 Somebody's going to shit in my car, 1.00
00:49:04.920 you know, 0.99
00:49:05.420 or,
00:49:05.800 you know,
00:49:06.980 somebody's going to kill a bird,
00:49:08.900 you know,
00:49:09.300 and leave it,
00:49:09.960 leave it on my yard.
00:49:12.440 But,
00:49:13.640 if I wake up thinking,
00:49:15.480 I don't know what's going to happen today.
00:49:17.360 Something new could happen.
00:49:19.300 I could meet somebody new.
00:49:21.200 I could think something new.
00:49:23.640 I could find a new,
00:49:25.540 a new,
00:49:27.500 a new revelation in my life or in my heart,
00:49:31.100 dude. 1.00
00:49:31.640 I know this shit sounds a little bit gay as fuck, 1.00
00:49:34.080 dude, 1.00
00:49:34.260 a little bit GAF,
00:49:35.860 but,
00:49:36.320 but dude,
00:49:37.600 sometimes you got to embrace it.
00:49:39.340 Sometimes you got to embrace the,
00:49:40.620 the possibility that anything could happen.
00:49:45.140 Because that possibility,
00:49:46.500 man,
00:49:47.160 imagine waking it up,
00:49:48.640 just being like,
00:49:49.120 you know what?
00:49:49.880 I don't know what's going to happen today.
00:49:52.180 That's all you got to do
00:49:53.380 to create possibility.
00:49:56.860 Just be willing to not know.
00:49:59.080 And I'm not preaching at you,
00:50:00.160 man.
00:50:00.320 I'm also just trying to remind myself
00:50:02.480 to do that tomorrow
00:50:04.520 and to,
00:50:05.740 to open myself up to possibility.
00:50:08.300 Because I need it,
00:50:09.240 man.
00:50:10.160 I need to hear this.
00:50:11.580 I need to hear myself talk.
00:50:13.140 You know,
00:50:13.320 that's really just
00:50:13.960 kind of sometimes what I'm doing right here.
00:50:17.160 But I'm,
00:50:17.800 I'm grateful for you guys,
00:50:18.860 man.
00:50:19.360 You guys have a wonderful week.
00:50:21.340 Happy Easter,
00:50:22.260 bruh.
00:50:22.640 Enjoy it.
00:50:23.340 Get to it.
00:50:23.980 Get at it.
00:50:24.780 Be good.
00:50:25.360 Or be good at it.
00:50:28.320 But take care of yourself,
00:50:29.860 man.
00:50:30.480 You know?
00:50:31.400 And be good to yourself.
00:50:32.780 You know,
00:50:32.980 once you try that,
00:50:34.340 I bet you deserve it,
00:50:35.620 man.
00:50:35.800 You guys be swell,
00:50:36.740 bruh.
00:50:37.720 I'm out.
00:50:38.560 Yeah.
00:50:38.760 Ladies and gentlemen,
00:50:41.900 I'm Jonathan Kite,
00:50:42.960 and welcome to Kite Club,
00:50:44.520 a podcast where I'll be sharing thoughts
00:50:46.400 on things like current events,
00:50:48.180 stand-up stories,
00:50:49.200 and seven ways to pleasure your partner.
00:50:51.920 The answer may shock you.
00:50:53.640 Sometimes I'll interview my friends.
00:50:55.700 Sometimes I won't.
00:50:57.400 And as always,
00:50:58.220 I'll be joined by the voices in my head.
00:51:00.300 You have three new voice messages.
00:51:03.320 A lot of people are talking about Kite Club.
00:51:05.960 I've been talking about Kite Club for so long.
00:51:08.920 Longer than anybody else.
00:51:10.580 So great.
00:51:11.900 Aye.
00:51:12.540 Swear.
00:51:13.500 Here's a deal.
00:51:14.840 Anyone who doesn't listen to Kite Club 1.00
00:51:16.700 is a dodgy bloody wanker. 1.00
00:51:18.840 Jermaine. 1.00
00:51:20.060 Ho ho! 1.00
00:51:20.880 I'll take a quarter pounder with cheese
00:51:22.740 and a McFlurry.
00:51:23.900 Sorry, sir,
00:51:24.380 but our ice cream machine is broken.
00:51:25.980 Ho ho ho! 1.00
00:51:27.240 No!
00:51:28.240 I think Tom Hanks just butt-dialed me.
00:51:30.660 Anyway,
00:51:31.500 first rule of Kite Club is
00:51:32.980 tell everyone about Kite Club.
00:51:34.660 Second rule of Kite Club is
00:51:36.620 tell everyone about Kite Club.
00:51:39.120 Third rule.
00:51:40.060 Like and subscribe
00:51:40.820 wherever you listen to podcasts
00:51:42.260 or watch us on YouTube, yeah?
00:51:44.880 And yes,
00:51:45.440 don't worry,
00:51:46.180 my Brad Pitt impression will get better.