This past weekend I was in the middle of nowhere in Sacramento, CA and I had allergies. I talk about how to deal with allergies and how to handle them. I also talk about the dangers of being in the city and the people that live there.
00:00:46.080That is Army of Angels from Epidemic Sounds.
00:00:50.060And that is, that's that type of music where you, you know, something crazy is happening in a film, you know, like they got the art and they're running out of the museum or, or somebody's running through a tunnel wearing like a, you know, like a helmet and they're looking for, they're looking for a bad guy or something like that.
00:01:16.100You know, that's where the action is and that is called Army of Angels and that is, uh, that is action music.
00:01:24.860That's a sound that plays in your head when you, you know, are late for work and you're still trying to make a smoothie really fast in the blender, you know, when you're throwing a bunch of shit in there and, you know, getting all fucking jazzed up and, you know, you got the banana in there and you're trying to put some peanut butter in there and some milk.
00:01:45.240And you don't have any milk so you're fucking putting water in there and you're eating a jacked up fucking rural New York smoothie, you know, probably has four grams of protein, 70 grams of sugar and, uh, and that's what you're having.
00:02:03.640And that's the kind of music that's playing in your head, uh, when those types of things are occurring or at least that's how I feel, man.
00:02:10.900That's exactly, exactly how I, uh, welcome to this past weekend guys.
00:02:15.300It is Monday and if it sounds like it's April 24th, 2017, that's because it is, it is that date that is where we are in the, in time.
00:02:28.860Um, and I have allergies bro, I'll admit it dude, you know, I'm not the kind of guy who, you know, just stands around red-eyed, you know, with snot kind of hanging out of his nose like, uh, you know, like, uh, you know, like a couple of, couple of Asian fellas or kids hanging off, uh, you know, the side of a bicycle or something.
00:02:52.020Um, I, um, I got allergies dude, I'll admit it, I got them, I fall victim, you know, I can be a tough guy but also I can fall victim to, uh, to, uh, to pollen, you know, really puts you in your place.
00:03:07.920It really puts you in your place when you think you're a badass and then you have to sit down, um, and really gather yourself before you sneeze because you got issues with pollen.
00:03:18.860So that's where I am, I'm in Sacramento, California, I'm actually in the kitchen of a residence in, uh, motel hotelery and if you've never been to a residence in, it's a very, uh, basic, um, but comfortable type of place, you know, it's, it's your, you know, middle of the road type of, uh, motel hotel and I've been here this weekend in Sacramento.
00:03:44.860Um, Sacramento, um, Sacramento, good place I feel like to get, uh, to get socks, to get new socks and maybe to get murdered or not murdered but attacked.
00:03:56.240I could see somebody just hitting you for no reason in Sacramento.
00:03:59.640It kind of seems like the kind of place where karma is, um, prevalent.
00:04:09.440Like at any point you could get jacked or hit by somebody or a bird.
00:04:14.100A bird wouldn't shit on you in Sacramento but it might come down and bite your fucking neck.
00:04:18.980You know, maybe a couple of black birds or mixed birds might fucking come down and, you know, just, just fucking just, just slap you with their wing, you know, or fucking rip a mole off your back with their talons.
00:04:35.380You know, it's got that kind of, it's got that kind of edge to it.
00:04:39.860It's got like a hillbilly edgely and, you know, it's got that hillbilly edge but also kind of a thug.
00:04:46.760Everybody looks like kind of like a mixed baby that grew up.
00:04:52.600It's real people and I love real people, man.
00:04:55.040And I think it may have, it may be the city where I ran into the most, um, like, like fans and friends where I felt like a real connection.
00:05:06.480I mean, I just really, really relate, uh, to the people around this type of environment, man.
00:05:12.220So I had a great weekend except for these allergies, got daddy down.
00:05:17.360Um, you know, I'd rather be snotting out of my nose than out of my pecker, though.
00:07:36.600He's got fucking, they got some lady, like an older lady out there twerking about, maybe about 48 years old.
00:07:42.860Um, you know, uh, blonde hair, party, you know, uh, just kind of shaking her, just like, not really, shaking her, just kind of bending over and holding onto a table and then just shaking everything.
00:07:59.600You know, it's one thing to kind of shake your ass and do that fancy ass work, you know, and to really get yourself, you know, gyrating.
00:08:08.620But it's another thing just to kind of bend over and just fucking move your whole body at once.
00:08:15.820Um, it almost looks like somebody's hurt or something, you know, like they got, uh, like their whole body is itching, but they're not allowed to scratch it or something.
00:08:25.620Like they've been, you know, they've been told they can't scratch themselves.
00:08:29.000So they're just trying to scratch their body against the air by moving their body around.
00:08:34.460So that's kind of what this lady was doing out by the pool.
00:08:37.280And of course you got all these fellas drinking and this dude's fucking grilling potatoes, you know, like, uh, I don't know, man.
00:08:47.920I mean, I've been in some pretty gutter shit, but this dude's out there like this fucking know it all grilling potatoes, you know?
00:08:57.880So I'm trying to go in there and talk to him just, I mean, they were just kind of ruling the pool.
00:09:02.080I guess I got a little mouthy, um, but things calmed down and, uh, it was just awkward.
00:09:08.580It's awkward to see somebody, you know, grilling out at a, at a residence in, but here I am, man, here I am.
00:09:18.200A lot of missing people, a lot of people here look like missing persons.
00:09:21.720You know, I put this on Twitter yesterday and I just, everybody here, I kind of, you know, I love those shows where, uh, where people are missing.
00:09:31.120I've always been a fan of, um, of missing people, of buried treasure.
00:09:35.720You know, I can't even sleep at night really unless I've seen a new episode of a show where somebody is missing or where there's a treasure that, uh, hasn't been found.
00:09:59.880So if you are missing, you know, or you know somebody that's missing, dude, um, I'd love to hear about that.
00:10:05.960Or if you know somebody that went missing, we can talk about that, uh, next week.
00:10:10.080I'd love to know if you've ever been missing as well.
00:10:13.420If you are someone who went into hiding, you know, or who decided to skip out on, you know, a prison sentence or hide from their family or something like that.
00:10:24.860I'd love to, to get to, you know, I'd love to have you call in, hit the hotline so that I could, uh, get into that and learn more about, uh, what your life has been like.
00:10:34.880Uh, we're getting close to having some guests, guys.
00:18:06.140Because if we allow self-driving cars, then you just have thousands and tens and hundreds of thousands of men and women that are going to be out of work.
00:23:31.740I saw the sunrise every morning, off every weekend.
00:23:35.140But there was this one aspect where the high school kids, you know, like public school in, you know, South Louisiana, you can kind of paint the picture in your head.
00:27:14.060You know, I'm a young man, but I'm, you know, I'm, you know, fired up to try and be helpful.
00:27:20.600So I try and help, but I don't know how to make a shirt.
00:27:24.160But anyhow, I came back two days later and that was Christmas time.
00:27:27.840I came back on Christmas and we, and I held the side of this when he nailed his son into the shirt and he made his son a, excuse me, a beautiful, I mean, pretty, pretty, pretty beautiful wooden shirt out of plywood.
00:27:42.560So it's not, it almost looked kind of camouflaged, you know, because of the ply, because of the different, you know, wood particles that are in there.
00:28:00.000People had just seen that on pamphlets, you know, had seen, had seen the swastikas on pamphlets and stuff.
00:28:08.120And so somebody drew that, you know, we didn't even have any Jewish people in our area.
00:28:12.320Even though my mother dated a Jewish man for a while, was the first Jewish man I ever met.
00:28:16.840Actually, this man, Zali was his name.
00:28:20.500Still one of the neatest names I've ever heard.
00:28:22.400But anyhow, that boy had that shirt for a while and then some people stole it from him with crowbars and made, allegedly made a baby crib out of the wood.
00:28:38.280But, but what I was answering there, sorry to go into that, but what I was answering was, was this gentleman's question here on the school bus.
00:38:47.400If a man showed interest in me, even though I was still like a corny kid and I was, you know, full of ego and thought I was cool and stuff or pretended like I thought I was cool, I still probably really valued the fact that somebody cared about me, you know.
00:39:09.880So I would just get it here and there, man.
00:39:11.400I'd get it door to door almost if I had to.
00:39:13.400Let's get one more question here, man, then we're going to pop off because I'm tired and I'll get into some other good stuff and try to honor my commitments to you guys.
00:39:24.780Thank you guys so much for your support.
00:39:41.940And I don't think there's any reason on the planet that you should feel like any type of apprehension or afraid to do it, man, because I'll tell you what, I was 25.
00:40:02.300About three years ago, and I met a girl who had a daughter, and that little girl's dad had left her and didn't want to be a part of her life.
00:40:12.580And now, you know, I'm her dad, and she's seven years old now and thriving and living a beautiful life, man.
00:40:19.840But, you know, I wanted to give you this advice, Theo.
00:40:23.480The commitment you make, it's not a hundred-year commitment, Theo.
00:40:28.320You just make a commitment, a new commitment, one day at a time.
00:40:31.440And so every morning I wake up, I commit to be the best dad I can be.
00:40:35.800I commit to be the best boyfriend I can be.
00:42:35.100It's tough to, you know, to not want to just be a kid forever.
00:42:40.200And it's tough to realize you might have the confidence to be a parent to somebody when you still don't know if you've been parented enough as a human.
00:42:49.160You know, if I still don't know if I've found enough father figures, you know, to get back to that previous call.
00:42:54.700I don't know if I've still, you know, it's tough to decide when you feel like you're, you're the child that you were and whatever damages were there have been healed or taken care of so that you can evolve and move past that.
00:43:12.840So I think that's some of my issues sometimes.
00:43:42.600So I'm going to leave us with that, man.
00:43:44.360That's a great thought, you know, that if you're worried about something, you know, if you think, oh, I'm never going to talk to my girlfriend again or I'm never, or my ex-girlfriend, or I'm never going to be able to stop drinking or stop smoking, it's too big of a task.
00:43:59.960You know, our brains will do that sometimes.
00:44:01.660They'll make the task so big, so unimaginably big, you know.
00:44:16.080And you know what's funny is, man, I wish there were times in my life when if I'd have had a father figure that had come along and told me some of those things, things like that, simple things.
00:44:26.980I think I wouldn't have spent years, years, maybe even decade, spinning my wheels, not being able to figure out, not being able to figure out things or get past things because I didn't have good advice.
00:44:40.340But I would gravitate to it wherever I could get it.
00:44:44.360And I think that's what we're all doing these days.
00:44:48.340If you're a young man trying to evolve us, what I'm trying to fucking do, dude.
00:44:51.960You know, I'm having to deal with these rap scallions out here trying to use the grill at a damn residence inn.
00:44:56.160And I can barely keep my shit together.
00:46:35.840But hopefully we get to a place in our lives where we can take that breath and let go of the, and just be patient with ourselves and let go of the controls.
00:46:47.760And, um, and learn a little bit, you know.
00:47:13.360Ladies and gentlemen, I'm Jonathan Kite, and welcome to Kite Club, a podcast where I'll be sharing thoughts on things like current events, stand-up stories, and seven ways to pleasure your partner.