#609 - Chris Distefano
Episode Stats
Length
1 hour and 28 minutes
Words per Minute
219.4314
Summary
Comedian Chris DeStefano joins Jemele to discuss racism in the police department and the current state of the country. He also talks about his family and how he deals with racism in his own life and how it affects his kids.
Transcript
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Today's guest is a stand-up comedian out of New York City.
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He's performing this Thursday at the Madison Square Garden Theater on 9-11.
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I'm thankful to have him back in studio, the recently engaged Mr. Chris DeStefano.
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Shine on me, and I will find a song I've been singing just before.
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Yeah, dude, I guess racism still alive, do you think?
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What do you think is really going on with racism?
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With racism, what I really think is going on is I think that it's turning around now,
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and now it's pretty much just whites and blacks coming together to be racist against the Chinese.
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Yeah, so that's what I think is the nice thing about racism.
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Is we're kind of everybody's teaming up now, you know, and so it's about a common enemy
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because it used to be white versus black, but that's not at all what it is anymore.
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And Latinos have been absorbed up into white, and it's everything is just not Chinese Americans,
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Well, some black folks were beating up the Chinese during the COVID stuff.
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I have a lot of friends, obviously by my haircut, you know, and you've known me for a long time,
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but I have a lot of friends who are in the NYPD, and I have an honorary police badge just because of the way I look.
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You know, like some people get like a honorary doctorate, like Bill Cosby, the G, OG.
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I got an honorary NYPD just because of my look.
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Oh, I could see you breaking that out, like in a men's bathhouse or something.
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I'm on a big group chat with like 30 cops, and anytime there's like a protest, they'll just start writing CS,
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Because racism, like, you know, it's just, it's gotten into, like when I was young, it was like,
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I don't want to say it was nice or whatever, but it was just, it was easy.
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It was like, okay, everybody was a certain thing, and you kind of got to pick them out,
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and you knew who was going to pick on you type of thing.
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It's like you almost need, um, like a calculator.
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You almost, you're like, well, what is, you know, what, I'm only going to be racist against
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It's like when you started doing fractions when you were, like, in fourth grade.
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And it's also like, everybody is every race, and everybody's every gender, and everyone,
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like, I haven't even in my own family, because, you know, I got, my kids are half white, half
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Latino, and, you know, I have a 10-year-old daughter and a 4-year-old daughter, and there's
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Like, my 10-year-old has chosen to be more Latina, and my 4-year-old's chosen to be more white.
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And, and so I'll have my 4-year-old multiple times.
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Multiple times, my 4-year-old has, you know, because she's, they're learning, these kids
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Multiple times, my 4-year-old has been fully on FaceTime with ICE agents trying to get my
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And then it's like, you know, do you put them, because I, and I put them in timeout, but
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And timeout is what the government's trying to put them in.
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Like, you know, I think these days for, I think for Latino kids, you got to make time
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You know, to at least get them ready in case they get picked up.
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That's what, actually, it's funny you say that.
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That's what I've been implementing in my house.
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We put them all in, you know, masks when they go down there.
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And it's a whole thing to get them set up because the truth is, man, is if one, one
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of my children has chosen to be white and one of my chosen children has chosen to be
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And it caused division with, you know, my wife and I, like I have to now choose, you
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I don't, I mean, I think I, these days I am on the, uh, the fence, you know, or like,
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So I don't know what, what's the, what's the age?
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I mean, I'll say it skews a little, but nothing to drive down here for.
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Let's go through some of the stuff you've said already, because yeah, I do think, you know,
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these days they're picking up so many people for so many things that at home time out should
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You've got to put them under a bright lamp or something like that.
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You've got to, you know, tape their feet to the floor and tickle them.
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Like you've got to do things that are going to prep them.
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And also too, I like, I need to prepare my children, you know, for, because, you know,
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for like kidnappings and things like that, because with all the Netflix content and just
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content in general needs to come out, you have to think that networks and streamers are going
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So they will just let a serial killer loose or just pay a dude to just kind of get out there
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So you have to, you know, my kids want to get into acting.
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So maybe that's the way, well, you know, they just started a lot of those, uh, pediophiles
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I just let them, I just let them kind of get all the energy out on social media.
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Let them make profiles, talk to whomever they want.
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Um, you know, dude, I was thinking that there, a lot of, uh, the pediophiles that are now,
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I guess they always, now it's not even cops busting them.
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They'll just wander up on a guy and they're like, so who you here to see, you know?
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And, but the, you know, the guy has been flirt, flirting with a child online, a hypothetical
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The other guy who's busting them has been sitting around pretending to be a child.
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Making sexual advances or I don't want to say that entirely, but communicating sexually
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Cause at that point they don't know they're online, which both sides of it, like definitely
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The other side also has to be a little bit weird at a certain times.
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Like the psyche that happens if all day or six hours a day for four days a week, you're
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sitting there pretending to be a child and like responding to like sexual advances of
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But then they get them to these places and instead of busting them, now they're doing
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things where there's physical challenges and they let them go if they can complete the
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I mean, it's kind of a genius move because it's like, it's kind of like, you know, um,
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It's kind of interesting cause we have to get to that level.
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But I think, yeah, I, unfortunately now everything you got to know what's content, everything
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I just do it for the great greater good is I, there was a dude in the, um, local, uh, Buffalo
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And what he was doing is he was sitting in the stall and he had little cat, he had cameras
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coming out of his pants up onto his shoes, shooting up, filming up.
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He would slide the shoe under and it'd be just taking snapshots and videos of little
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So what I would do is I would go in there and I had to, uh, uh, you know, I call it a fake
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baby penis, but it was just my actual penis that looks relatively, you know, like a baby
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It's, it kind of looks like an outie belly button.
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So I just had them, I would just have them take pictures of my, you know, baby dick and
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It would just be my friends from the group chat.
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And they would just start cracking his dude's skulls.
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And then that's how we'd get them off the streets because you do got to think, I agree
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with you, you know, these people that expose the pedophiles, it's like, you're not a pedophile,
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but you're also not doing it for the greater good.
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It's like, I think there has to be some weird psychological thing that has to mess with you
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Um, bring up what some of the, uh, those pedophiles that were completing the challenges and stuff.
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You're, you look at kind of beefy dude up in the shoulders.
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Bro, I don't, you have to, first of all, fully believe in COVID to even get it.
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One guy had to eat like 40 eggs and it's like, okay, now he's.
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Now you got mad protein and you can grab any kid you want.
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So do you think then the solution is obviously to give the kids guns?
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Because that's what's going to happen is the first active shooter is going to go in with a plan
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and get shot by the students right away and just feel like an idiot.
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What if they had a dude named Guantanamo Bay, right?
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And he was just like this gay dude in the like, in Guantanamo that was just like slurping everybody.
00:10:09.040
Well, I think, I mean, yeah, I think, look, if that's how you feel, I'm not, I'm not,
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Um, yeah, what did you think about, oh, they just had that Drewski clip that came up.
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I want to talk about that, about, do you see that?
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It's, it's cool to not know what's going on in the world at all.
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And I don't even know what's going on in your life.
00:11:06.500
Well, this is the kind of thing that's happened.
00:11:07.680
And we will get into that because I know last time you were here, we had a huge conversation
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You've had some, um, you've had some big things happen in your, in your life.
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Where you, uh, have been forced into marriage by a semi-illegal alien.
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But first I want to talk a little bit more about race and race baiting.
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I think this is a Jason Kelsey impersonation also.
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Do you think that kind of racism happens that much, really?
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Or this is more like in movies type shit, dude?
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I mean, look, dude, I live in New York, so I don't know what it's like in the South, but
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I also know that it's kept alive by the media and the internet and all that stuff because
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there's so many people that make so much profit off it that you're like, but I mean, I think
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I mean, Drewski doing that is just like a good bit, but I should be able to then fully dress
00:13:04.680
Because at this point, it's like, yeah, this is hilarious, right?
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Like, I thought the part with the black dude was so, it's tough to watch because you're
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like, is he now perpetuating this thing that, I don't think that shit happens, dude.
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I grew up in areas with a lot of racism, you know, I've dabbled in it.
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But I don't see that kind of, I mean, I think you see that shit like in a time to kill an
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old movie or like, you know, like in the heat of the night, you know, and that's
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just my perception, but I don't even know if a lot of my black friends would say that
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But I think at this point, it's like, you could do that.
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Somebody could do a black face if they wanted to, to create humor in it.
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Not because of, just because I don't have the comedy behind it.
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You wouldn't look good as a, as a, as a African-American.
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So even if I went like black face or black full body, cause I would most likely just
00:14:13.020
Oh, I go black arms and legs and I get out on the court and I'd ball.
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And I would keep the face right, but I got a lot of skin tags and moles and stuff.
00:14:20.260
But I think every, in the name of comedy, I say, give it a try.
00:14:24.920
That's why with Drewski, I mean, that was funny to me.
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Any white person that's offended by that is just, you know, they're kind of Guantanamo
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You know, in a way, dude, everybody's kind of just a little bit sensitive and you really
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I think ultimately when you come, well, again, I won't want to, I don't generalize anything
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Me specifically, I started to feel so much better and happier when I just got off social media
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cause I was like, oh, the regular, all the racism and drama, it's all happening in the
00:15:01.260
If I don't know you personally, you don't affect me at all, positive or negative.
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If you, Theo Vaughn was like, hey, Chris, this.
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Well, dude, I mean, that's, that's how we talk, man.
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I would just, I would just look at my last text from you.
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But no, I just think I like, I love this in the name of comedy.
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I think it's the kind of comedy that's fun and that you need.
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And I think like, if somebody were doing something messed up and that is racist, I think you can
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Like they're like, you know, like Hitler, Hitler wasn't funny.
00:15:53.960
Well, I mean, he might've been a little funny, but you know, the racist stuff he was doing
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wasn't funny, but he could have been funny outside his racism.
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Hitler's humor was often sarcastic or offensive.
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Sometimes involved pranks directed at his associates.
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Examples include telling politically charged or racially derogatory jokes at public events
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and meetings and making light of aggressive or threatening situations.
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His jokes tended to reinforce Nazi ideology or humiliate perceived enemies.
00:16:29.340
Well, there's memes online of him and Goering, who was the head of the Luftwaffe for the Air
00:16:35.320
That's a lot of times in the group chat that gifl gets sent around with Hitler and Goering
00:16:41.760
Well, they're probably off work for a little while.
00:16:43.340
Yeah, I mean, you can't, you're not on all the time.
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A specific example of Hitler's humor is the elaborate prank he played on his foreign press
00:16:57.340
Hitzer convinced Humpstengel that he would have to parachute behind enemy lines during the
00:17:01.000
Spanish Civil War as part of a dangerous mission.
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Humpstengel, terrified and confused, spent hours circling the German countryside by plane before
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the pilot revealed the truth and landed safely.
00:17:12.400
Another account concerns Hitler's cold willingness to use jokes to humiliate or intimidate others.
00:17:17.260
For example, Hitler reportedly joked with Erman Goering.
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That to make the people of Berlin happy, he should jump off the radio tower, a joke that
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became widely told and led to harsh punishment for those who repeated it publicly.
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I don't know if you've ever done comedy in Germany, but they tell you, you go to do comedy
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Like, you can't make any jokes about it at all.
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I was like, you mean make fun of it like, like you mean like don't condone it or like
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don't make fun of the Nazis because that's what you guys like, fuck with, like you guys
00:18:03.160
It's, yeah, which, which sounds a little bit risque right there.
00:18:07.400
Nazi humor is heavily restricted and can be considered illegal for comedians in Germany,
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especially if it involves Nazi propaganda, symbols or Holocaust denial.
00:18:21.480
Who was, uh, Jim Jeffries is about to go there.
00:18:25.780
I think he said that he has issues with audiences there.
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Like he's selling everywhere in Europe except for some reason, not in Germany.
00:18:32.440
Well, it seems like they don't have the best sense of humor, right?
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It seems like because they went through a lot and I feel like, but I, when I did my
00:18:41.000
shows there, I did a show in, um, Munich and they were having fun, man.
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You just, you, you know, like, you know, you stay away from the Nazi stuff.
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And if anything all fails, you, Juden, Juden, which is Jew, do a bit about that.
00:19:03.940
I, yeah, I was, I was calling myself Juden Foster, like Judy Foster.
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I do kind of look like a lesbian a little bit, right?
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You look like the lambs have been screaming right in your face.
00:19:32.300
Well, no, Nell, Nell, there was a movie Nell where she's raised by wolves.
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When you had to manipulate all those vaginas before you had this comedy career, though, you had to run
00:19:49.400
I believe in, like, if I were a time traveler or something, yeah.
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The whole thing about women not having bushes just started recently.
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And who knows what the effect of that is on children.
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Like, you can cut the foreskin straight off your son's piece, and that's kind of a new thing.
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Oh, they're mailing some of those over to those tech lords in Israel, I think.
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You're like, oh, this guy's beating three challenges.
00:20:39.260
Trends in grooming and styling of pubic hair have changed throughout history, with the 1980s and 1990s bringing a boom in grooming that included styles for being bare.
00:20:47.500
But 2010s and 2020s saw a resurgence of the natural bush style.
00:20:55.540
Yeah, it's definitely interesting that that kind of took on.
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Who was the first woman to have bare pubic hair?
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I mean, that's like the first person that had a convertible open.
00:21:13.740
It is impossible to definitively name the first woman to have fully shaven pubic hair publicly as it was historical practice long before the advent of modern media and documentation.
00:21:25.800
In ancient Egypt, Rome, and Greece, for hygiene status and beauty, upper class Roman and Egyptian women, for instance,
00:21:33.500
use tools like pumice stones, razors, tweezers, and sugaring to achieve hairlessness.
00:21:39.400
So if you had like a bunch of hair or you had like a 50-pound test rope coming out of there.
00:21:46.140
Dude, would you ever shave your head with a pumice stone?
00:21:51.600
One day when I have children and once my wife leaves me.
00:21:55.160
Yeah, because then I'll go to court for alimony and I'm like, oh, he's not doing good.
00:22:05.080
I've been shedding recently this past like month, dude.
00:22:07.900
Yeah, a lot of times people will shed in like August and September.
00:22:14.400
Now, I've had hair taken out of the back and put into the front once.
00:22:20.880
I think I actually was going through a ton of stress and I lost hair and then it, like a lot of it grew back.
00:22:26.460
The way it looks with a hat is pretty good, too.
00:22:29.140
There's somebody, somebody out there right now, a woman right there out and has bush, has grown out her bush and cut it like that.
00:22:37.900
I guarantee there's a lady out there with pin straight pubic hair.
00:22:44.160
And she's made it into that because she's a fan.
00:22:48.080
Sometimes people come to shows and they'll have like fun wigs on and stuff.
00:22:50.780
Yeah, but if you had a woman that had that just solid hair, I mean, that thing braided and it just like, it looked like a damn, the chin of a professional wrestler, you know, in the 80s or 90s.
00:22:59.400
And looking at you, I don't know if anyone's, and stop me if anyone's ever said this before, but you have the kind of look, you have a very unique look where you look like you're from the past, but also from the future at the same time.
00:23:09.560
Has anyone ever said that to you or have you ever thought about that?
00:23:15.780
He looks like, you know, obviously like could be in the Civil War, like a Civil War painting from the past, but then he also looks like a woman from the future.
00:23:26.420
I look like a black woman from the future, dude.
00:23:42.680
Oh, dude, we used to have, I remember there would be like this drunk black woman where our school bus would go by.
00:23:48.460
She would come up and bang on the driver's side, which is not even a door.
00:23:56.220
Like, like that lady was like the bus driver was supposed to bring like her government money or whatever.
00:24:05.400
Kids, we'd be out looking at the window because we'd be curious.
00:24:07.260
She's like, tell them motherfuckers I need that money.
00:24:09.980
And where are you supposed to have money in your pencil case?
00:24:18.480
We all got picked up within the same three blocks on this bus.
00:24:21.780
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00:27:01.860
You have a show coming up at Madison Square Garden.
00:27:05.120
Yeah, well, the theater at Madison Square Garden was supposed to be the arena, but then the ticket sales dictated to go to the basement, baby.
00:27:13.660
About six months ago, I said, they came to me, they were like, oh, a show on September 11th.
00:27:24.520
So I had done, 2023, I did Radio City and Theater at MSG, back-to-back nights.
00:27:30.460
So they were like, let's try the arena, you know, because I'm from New York.
00:27:33.900
And then the ticket sales, they were just not moving.
00:27:38.020
And like everybody, like I had an opportunity, I had a decision.
00:27:42.600
We see a huge increase in ticket sales a week before-ish.
00:27:46.140
That's the way the trends are now for certain people.
00:27:48.720
Or they were like, you could just pull the plug right now and we can move it downstairs to the theater.
00:27:57.800
I'm going to carry a lot of stress for six, seven months.
00:28:00.580
And I said, me doing the arena is definitely a goal and a dream and we'll try again.
00:28:13.700
And then, you know, I'm going to detonate a suicide vest at the end of it.
00:28:22.060
Also, inviting people into the city on 9-11 is a wild move.
00:28:26.240
I made a ton of mistakes, but I had a manager back then who had a ponytail.
00:28:36.040
But I was like, yo, dude, because he told me he booked me for this, the arena on 9-11.
00:28:40.360
And then he told me to hold 5 p.m. the same day open because he thought I could do 15,000
00:28:52.400
But when he was saying it to me, it was crazy because he was like, you know, obviously on
00:28:57.640
And he was wearing bathing suit shorts and like a button up top.
00:29:08.460
And then he put me on this arena tour and then we have to cancel them all.
00:29:17.120
But my agent was like telling me from the beginning, he was like, this is a dumb idea.
00:29:38.220
And then after a week of the Tank of Tales, your agent was like, pull it.
00:29:55.840
And my little daughter taught my, well, my older daughter, my 10-year-old, because I was
00:29:59.980
a little bummed about this because I was a big moment in time for me.
00:30:02.780
I was like, oh, daddy's going to get to do the arena.
00:30:04.220
I almost wanted to do the arena at MSG because it would almost set me free because that was
00:30:12.080
A lot of guys, you know, girls, babies, they do comedy for all their different reasons.
00:30:16.320
My only reasons I ever left my physical therapy job was to do the arena at MSG and to have
00:30:22.360
Those are the only things I've ever cared about.
00:30:24.300
So I almost felt like if I could get that one, it would almost set me free because the
00:30:27.400
everyday stress of this, of this career, sometimes, you know, it plays with you.
00:30:36.260
So, but I'm hoping, I still, I have one in development now.
00:30:39.040
So I'm hoping that I could get that one and just fulfill at least one of the two and then
00:30:43.600
set the sights on the arena because I don't, I don't know that I'm a guy that does stand
00:30:49.080
I'm not, I'm already mentally being like, it's, it's very difficult for me to go on the road
00:30:54.040
When I started this, I didn't have a family, but now that I do,
00:30:57.400
I'm like, man, this weighing, so I'm looking for real opportunities to just stay in New
00:31:05.160
So, so, but, so, but my daughter, what she told me was, I guess she had just learned it
00:31:10.720
I was like upset when we had to pull the arena because it was like this whole big, exciting
00:31:15.500
Well, my daughter was, well, yeah, because I mean, you know, she's got upset because she
00:31:18.380
has to tell her friends in school, like my dad's a loser, right?
00:31:22.940
So she told them that, but then she was like, but she said, she said to me,
00:31:27.160
when I was upset about it, she was like, oh, it's all right, daddy.
00:31:29.800
She was like, remember in this life, there's no losses, just learning.
00:31:38.400
She's, well, I say my daughter, but it was actually Giannis Papas, who I do the History
00:31:41.620
Hyenas podcast with, but he looks like my daughter.
00:31:54.000
So me and Giannis, we got the History Hyenas pod.
00:32:01.160
Him and I, him and I, you know, we, we, we kissed and made up.
00:32:06.300
And then, and then, and dude, this has been some of the most fun I've had doing comedy
00:32:10.780
again, because it's, it's, it's, you know, you're talking with your, with your friend
00:32:19.040
And we really just have a lot of fun doing the History Hyenas.
00:32:25.200
I like sitting next to someone where I'm actually learning and laughing.
00:32:29.920
I mean, the, really the premise of the show is, you know, we talk about a history topic,
00:32:34.580
And I'm kind of learning through him and pepper and jokes and all that stuff.
00:32:40.340
Just getting to see you guys back together is great.
00:32:42.040
Also just being like, I mean, I think you definitely realize as you get older, it's like, you
00:32:46.980
know, having some connectivity, being around your friends is like one of the best things.
00:32:55.140
And my message is, is if, if me and Giannis could patch it up Israel, Palestine, so can
00:32:59.340
I saw the tagline actually for History Hyenas now.
00:33:13.320
Two chat GPT sluts that come see history in a different way.
00:33:18.000
And on our, on our Patreon, I don't know if you guys do Patreon here, but on our Patreon,
00:33:21.980
dude, like we've, we've just been, him and I have been going crazy because basically, you
00:33:28.760
know, when we first did this show, the rules on YouTube were different, right?
00:33:33.380
Like in 2017, 18, 19, YouTube wasn't as strict as it is now.
00:33:37.580
So we almost are kind of feeling like the show that we used to do for free on YouTube is,
00:33:43.640
And the show we do on YouTube is definitely dope, but we are like, man, dude, we, we came
00:33:48.240
out and we put out these episodes that we thought were good and YouTube just kept dinging us.
00:33:52.020
So we were like, yo, now we got, we can only have fun on the Patreon.
00:33:54.320
But you know, for me, man, it's, it's, it's, I'm solely focused.
00:33:59.360
Like I have, I never had goals in this and I never, I was always flying by the seat of
00:34:04.840
But now I'm like so laser focused on anything I can do to stay in New York city and make
00:34:10.660
as many of pick up and drop offs with my kids as possible.
00:34:15.120
So like the idea, even if you, you know, somebody came to me and said, I'll give you X amount
00:34:18.720
that'll change your life financially, but it's a world tour.
00:34:22.880
Time has literally become more valuable than money to me right now because of my, because
00:34:27.980
I think my kids reach that age where I'm like, oh, when they're little, it's one thing, but
00:34:32.460
when they're older and you're missing everything, you're like, oh, okay, hold on, hold on.
00:34:38.580
Like I think if the kids hit four or six years old and you're like, uh, uh, yeah, I got
00:34:48.380
And his son, he named his son fucking Benjamin.
00:34:54.640
The wife was unconscious or whatever, because the birth was, it's a black guy.
00:34:59.800
And he's like, just give him Benjamin, you know?
00:35:03.560
And the nurse's like, no, you don't know, that's not how you do it.
00:35:07.400
Like if he names a kid, Benjamin, then he's not Benjamin anymore.
00:35:10.360
I'm like, this fucking guy should not have a kid.
00:35:12.580
But yeah, he's at the point now he's like, dude, me and my kid have nothing in common.
00:35:16.500
I'm like, dude, it's not how it, it's not like you got put with a roommate.
00:35:20.320
Like your first year at like nickel state or something.
00:35:23.760
I mean, you're just doing your, you know, you have to be the leader in the relationship,
00:35:27.700
but, but yeah, I think if you get to a certain point and your kid is just like, you know,
00:35:32.640
he's not doing, at least pulling a little bit of weight, it's gotta be kind of tough.
00:35:37.900
Well, like I said, my daughters are, you know, they're motivated.
00:35:41.160
As I said in the beginning of the show, I mean, my four-year-old has got, you know,
00:35:44.960
a point of view she calls legitimate says I'm racist against Latinos.
00:35:52.540
And I trust, I loved, I mean, every password on my phone, on my key lock, any, you want
00:35:56.560
to break it to my house or break it to anything I own.
00:36:01.260
You know what the only four digits that it would ever be.
00:36:10.160
And then my older one, you know, like I said, she's more Latina, extortion, extortion, gang
00:36:17.020
And they are, and they've picked lanes, which I really respect and love.
00:36:21.600
Look, and then, and then, but there is a little division because obviously the older one is,
00:36:25.860
is pro Palestine and the little one's pro Israel.
00:36:29.200
Well, I think here's one thing, dude, is a lot of like Latinos too.
00:36:32.560
I saw, I actually, actually one of your daughters sent me a picture and the, the pro ice one.
00:36:37.980
But she's had a tattoo on her back and said, this ice don't melt on me.
00:36:46.320
But you know what, dude, but you, that bro, you know, it's crazy.
00:36:49.080
We've been doing this for like roughly an hour and you've said risque three times and three
00:36:52.620
different contexts, which I respect and like about you.
00:36:56.340
Well, first of all, risque also was a urban girl that I went to high school with.
00:37:02.920
There was two kids that I went to high school with their names.
00:37:09.800
Well, I didn't go to school with them, but they play basketball in a school around the
00:37:19.300
Uh, I think in black culture, anything could be your name.
00:37:26.320
But in black culture, it could be, it's fucking.
00:37:28.960
Dude, the guy in the Jets was named DeBrickshaw.
00:37:34.400
I met a girl, her, uh, her son was named No Dante, right?
00:37:39.540
She's like, I was going to name him Dante, but I knew he was going to be misbehaving.
00:37:47.540
Um, let's talk a little bit about what's going on in New York.
00:37:52.780
Do you think he'll be able to, he's running for mayor, right?
00:37:56.840
But that's why I've packed up and left New York city.
00:38:06.540
Um, I think, um, mom Donnie, you notice that people are starting the New York post,
00:38:15.080
which is the only one I mess with the New York post really goes after him hard.
00:38:20.860
So there's a little bit of fear mongering, I think amongst the media.
00:38:24.940
Um, I do think that he probably has good intentions, but I think like most of us think is that,
00:38:33.320
you know, New York city is a city that you need millionaires and billionaires.
00:38:36.760
And if you drive them all out with the tax, with the tax hikes, then you're just going
00:38:45.560
I think I understand what he wants with, you know, people should pay their, everybody should
00:38:51.580
But he, you know, he has an idea of like raising the millionaires tax millionaires,
00:38:56.540
billionaires, like to like a level that they're just, cause I know people, it's easy for people
00:39:01.800
It's like, yeah, but that's their mindset, how they got so much money.
00:39:05.860
So you're not going to change some like 55 year old white dude's mindset.
00:39:11.420
So if you want him to stay and keep contributing to the tax burden, you got to make it appetizing
00:39:16.760
for him, or he's just going to go to Florida or Tennessee or somewhere else or she or they.
00:39:30.180
You don't want to mess that up because Pakistan and India are.
00:39:46.040
Zoran Mamdani, the democratic nominee for New York city mayor and current assembly member
00:39:50.680
centers his politics on affordability, social security nets, freeze rents on rent stabilized
00:39:55.360
units and triple affordable housing construction aiming for 200,000 new units in 10 years, increased
00:40:01.500
enforcement against exploitive landlords and establish an office of deed theft prevention
00:40:05.960
for homeowners, especially in black and Latin X neighborhoods, alphabet city, double funding
00:40:14.240
Distribute baby baskets with essential goods and resources to all New York city parents,
00:40:19.060
increased New York city minimum wage to, increased New York city minimum wage to $30 an hour
00:40:23.540
So he definitely kind of has this like, uh, for the little man.
00:40:30.200
That's what he's thinking about for the little man, which I respect, but I just don't know
00:40:44.820
My, well, well, because do you think the city changed over time?
00:40:48.820
You know, that's the thing is like, people think, I think people think like, oh, you
00:40:53.020
know, the media has made everyone think like that white people are just the worst.
00:40:56.520
And we're the only ones who, you know, don't want this or that.
00:41:02.240
If you've ever put like a Google translate at a Puerto Rican barbecue, woo.
00:41:08.000
I mean, bro, you think you'd be like, okay, send you a Hitler.
00:41:12.500
Like they, they go in against Israel or everybody.
00:41:20.520
Oh, the Latinos have a lot of, uh, they have some racism a little bit.
00:41:26.080
Cause you kind of don't know if they do sometimes.
00:41:28.080
Like, you know, there's like black and Latino gang violence.
00:41:31.240
But you don't hear much about it otherwise, you know?
00:41:34.180
Black guy, old school black guy is very racist.
00:41:44.320
It's like, you know, there's like, there's like a lot of black crime.
00:41:51.080
Cause I don't want to be in some of those places.
00:41:52.580
I got a friend one time who was trying to get me to come to like, um, this clothing shop
00:41:56.540
And there's a lot of crime there and it's young black kids attacking people, stealing, carjacking
00:42:03.380
I'm not, I'm not going or it's like, no, I'm not risk.
00:42:11.780
But, but I think more and more now from, again, the little sense, just, just talking
00:42:16.660
to people, not on the internet, just like in real life of every race, more people getting
00:42:26.720
I think the me too, not the me too, the pandemic, I think it like kind of, it hit its fever pitch
00:42:34.080
And it's just like, people like I'm exhausted by that.
00:42:37.560
I think people see that it's also like this thing that they try to get like, uh, different
00:42:44.520
It's all like, Hey, fight over this shit while everything else disappears.
00:42:49.320
So people are getting, starting to get to know about it now.
00:42:52.020
So I think it's interesting to have guys that are different, like get it.
00:43:00.220
I don't think, I think it's pretty clear he's going to win.
00:43:02.080
I mean, you got governor Cuomo, um, who, uh, running against him, right?
00:43:06.400
Who killed all those people in the nursing home.
00:43:08.040
So he's trying, he keeps trying to get Mom Donnie into a nursing home so he can murk
00:43:12.380
Got Curtis Sliwa, uh, Sliwa, who's got the beret, which I would vote for him.
00:43:16.620
I understand, but I can't, he won't take his hat off.
00:43:21.220
So that's the problem is Sliwa won't take the hat off.
00:43:23.360
So I can't have you as my mayor with that hat on.
00:43:28.520
Like I just, if he took the hat off, I think he'd get more votes, but he refused.
00:43:41.920
And they are constantly being threatened with perverts who come up to them, sexually harass
00:43:50.540
Pat, I'm in all 350 neighborhoods, all 472 of the platforms in the vast city subway system.
00:43:57.340
I'm the only candidate in this subway every day.
00:44:00.260
Do you think he acts like, what is he, the fucking, is he the Lord of DoorDash drivers?
00:44:11.720
He looks like fucking, he looks like Isidore Dash, dude.
00:44:15.300
He looks like the great chancellor of DoorDashian.
00:44:19.500
Dude, he, and he's just yelling about perverts and Hoobers.
00:44:22.120
Dude, they should have a show called Keeping Up with the DoorDashians.
00:44:32.620
Yeah, well, I think we're pitching our, we just, let's just do it.
00:44:37.320
And it's just a family that DoorDashes and they're just pissed about it.
00:44:40.420
They're like, oh, I'm taking these rich motherfuckers on the Upper East Side.
00:44:43.960
It's fucking like, oh, I just delivered Ben Stiller some tater tots, you know?
00:44:49.680
They're like, oh, Dershowitz wants his waffle fries shaped into a kid's pelvis, you know?
00:45:03.940
Keeping Up with the DoorDashians is a hit show, bro.
00:45:11.740
You keep saying your mind needs these little mental resets.
00:45:15.200
And that's how you're able to get such good bits.
00:45:17.320
And you're taking little breaks, which is what more people should do.
00:45:22.560
This old, that old dude that I was telling you about, about the muffin, who told me he
00:45:26.740
He told me he's 98 years old because he takes little breaks.
00:45:30.020
He was like, oh, when you put your kid in the car seat, put in the car seat, instead of
00:45:39.380
Put, drive the car into a garage, shut the door, keep the engine running.
00:45:52.100
And then don't just jump right in the driver's seat and start driving.
00:46:14.280
I can't believe that it's been that long, you know?
00:46:16.940
I think time just gets like kind of going and then things get kind of hectic.
00:46:22.660
Is your goal to stay home like my goal is to stay home?
00:46:26.860
I've been on the same tour for almost four years.
00:46:31.320
We're doing a, taping a special in, to New York.
00:46:53.940
Part of me wants to maybe do a show like in Hawaii just so I can also go on vacation.
00:46:58.000
But then part of me is like, I just don't know.
00:47:03.240
I just like recently, like, I just like, I think my nervous system's just shot, you know?
00:47:15.360
And I want to be able to do more creative stuff.
00:47:17.300
Like, you know, I'm trying to see if Drewski wants to do, try to do something together.
00:47:22.600
Me and Spade made a movie that we're going to put out.
00:47:25.540
So there's a bunch of little things that I'm trying to do, you know?
00:47:28.280
Dude, you and Drewski would just do it like Drewski would just be that character.
00:47:33.420
You could do Keeping Up With The Doordashians as a movie.
00:47:40.040
I think you want to find a family that likes to Doordash.
00:47:46.400
Or it's just like these funny, like, you know, and the baby's in the backseat and he's eating a couple of the tots or something.
00:47:53.380
Dude, one of the guys who works with me is actually, I'm doing Chicago tomorrow and he's going to work with me on the show.
00:48:00.340
And there's been multiple times where he's done Doordash orders while I'm on stage.
00:48:04.500
He does his time and then he knows he's got about an hour while I'm up there and he does some Doordash.
00:48:11.840
Like, they all eat for free, the Doordash drivers, because, like, you know, when they get hungry, they'll just eat somebody's McDonald's or KFC order and then just kind of never deliver it.
00:48:24.000
And Doordash will usually just refund their money and then reorder it.
00:48:27.080
But they got they ate the food because it's not up to that.
00:48:30.880
It's not like they know, oh, this guy, this driver took it.
00:48:34.300
They just line up the Doordash deliveries and you just take it and you take the receipt.
00:48:49.560
They're splitting up a yogurt or something at home, which is tough to do, dude.
00:48:54.420
But my boy's point was the drivers don't make any money either.
00:49:05.000
A U.S. food survey found that nearly 30% of food delivery drivers, including those on DoorDash, admit to taking a bite of food from customers' orders at least once.
00:49:16.080
Dude, Mark Normand will take a bite out of your food.
00:49:18.280
I've seen him do that multiple times at the Comedy Cellar.
00:49:26.200
You guys, I think, y'all's personalities in New York are so fun, dude.
00:49:40.840
You and I met each other by Jim Norton and Opie.
00:49:45.680
And then half the people we used to do the show with are dead, bro.
00:49:57.140
But they, but Jim, dude, he said, this bit, him and Anthony Cumia did this bit.
00:50:04.140
The other day that, oh my, I mean, they, like, reposted.
00:50:11.980
Because, by the way, like, you know, love this pod.
00:50:18.840
And even sometimes comedy can't be as cathartic for us as it is for the audience.
00:50:24.120
Because, like, we get stuck in, you know, if you listen to some dope comedian or, like, you laugh.
00:50:30.060
But you're like, man, you kind of have this self-reflection.
00:50:34.980
Jim Norton's got a new pod called Jim Norton's Pod Can't Save You.
00:50:40.060
And it's, I listen to it like I'm an audience member.
00:50:44.320
Like, it's my cathartic, like, I wait each week.
00:50:48.560
When they have the episodes on, they had an episode, old school one with Colin Quinn and Rich Voss.
00:50:52.540
Where it's, like, that old Opie and Anthony energy, like, from the early 2000s.
00:50:57.380
It just hits me in a way where I'm like, oh, this is the gift of comedy.
00:51:00.980
Like, I was going, you know, if you're going through stuff in your life, you're depressed, you're sad, you need to laugh.
00:51:08.380
It's one, to me, it's like Jim in all his glory.
00:51:11.120
But this bit, I came across it and I was dying.
00:51:14.600
I kissed my friend's grandmother, which I know is trying to.
00:51:18.200
And it was like, it was like a little peck in our lips.
00:51:37.420
And I couldn't do anything about it because I'm like, you know, then they closed the lid.
00:51:51.960
That's my, you know, I don't know when I said close the lid.
00:51:55.320
I just, it just hit me because I thought the bit was just about kissing his grandma.
00:51:59.720
And, and, but that's the kind of humor, you know, that I like.
00:52:03.560
And I used to, it used to be one of those things where, you know, I understand this subjectivity
00:52:08.900
of comedy now and how if I think it's really funny and you don't or vice versa, like that's
00:52:15.120
Like I used to get upset if I saw not the whole audience laughing or now I'm just like,
00:52:23.540
Everybody's comedy can't be for everybody all the time.
00:52:29.460
If I'm still trying to make something for everybody, then that's not going to be great.
00:52:32.180
Trying to just be true to myself the best I can.
00:52:35.500
But those guys are, I mean, those guys are funny at a level that's way funnier than I
00:52:40.820
feel like, I mean, way funnier than I'll ever be and way funnier than I think we are
00:52:45.960
I think you always feel like the generation before you is funnier.
00:52:48.660
Well, like if you sit at the comedy cell and you ever get stuck at the back table with
00:52:52.420
Jim Norton, Colin Quinn, Rich Voss, those guys, and they start hammering jokes and then
00:52:56.840
it comes to you and you nine times out of 10, I don't have anything to say.
00:53:01.240
And then you just get abused and it real, and you realize, Hey, with this game, it's a ticket
00:53:05.780
sales, money, fame, fortune, all those things are whatever though.
00:53:13.100
I've never seen a group that can hit it like those guys hit it.
00:53:16.220
I just, I've never seen a group that, that nineties, two thousands, tough crowd, New
00:53:22.200
Keith Robinson, all those guys, old school, Nick DiPaolo, Patrice O'Neal passed away.
00:53:26.240
You know, I never met Patrice, but he, he, he was, you know, obviously amazing.
00:53:34.540
Cause there was a time where I was like, you know, people, you know, you.
00:53:44.460
You know, and now I feel like with comedy, I feel like, um, you know, it's just, it's
00:53:53.880
You know, we have like these niche little audiences.
00:53:56.640
I'm, I've, I've convinced myself at times to try to be happier with less.
00:54:03.220
Dude, I was getting a massage the other day and, and it was by a man.
00:54:10.560
But does he, he doesn't do the happy ending though.
00:54:13.760
I don't let anybody have any, I'm not driving across town so some loser can jerk me off when
00:54:21.520
If you're a masseuse, you're not a loser or whatever.
00:54:24.180
I just mean like the places I go, it's not like nobody's been to a school or like in a
00:54:29.840
You know, there's not a hot rock in the room unless it's fucking, unless it's in an eight
00:54:34.980
You know, there's no, it's not that kind of shit.
00:54:37.260
It's just like the light bulbs kind of working and somebody will fucking run up your back.
00:54:41.420
You don't know if it's a bug or a little Vietnamese woman, but it helps you relax.
00:54:51.200
No, dude, I had an uncle who fought in the war.
00:54:58.360
I went in there and the guy, I paid him up front.
00:55:04.820
There's one in, um, in Westwood that I go to in Los Angeles.
00:55:12.900
And then there's one in Nashville that I go to called crest foot spa.
00:55:21.340
No, but I'm just saying if they'll get into your feet, they'll get into the rest of you.
00:55:25.740
If you start with how, you know, they say you don't know a man until you walk a mile in his shoes.
00:55:30.180
But if you're able to knuckle the history out of a man's feet.
00:55:35.420
My toes, I got my toe next to my big toe just crosses over like that.
00:55:40.760
And I was telling my wife, I was like, I need a paternity test on that baby.
00:55:45.800
While she was giving birth, I was like, I need to know that man.
00:55:54.520
She slapped me, my girl, in the middle of the childbirth.
00:56:00.800
And then my daughter has the same toes as me, dude.
00:56:07.420
But so my daughter, so I feel bad because my daughter, because my wife's feet are very flat.
00:56:16.240
And I'm just hoping that my daughters don't have a mix of both our feet.
00:56:22.320
My feet look like, my feet look like they're on the wrong leg.
00:56:26.120
Like my right foot's on my left and my left foot's on my right.
00:56:42.000
And it's like, you're hitting a thing and it's going over there.
00:56:46.800
Yeah, you're like soaking your feet in rice at night.
00:56:51.780
But yo, I need to start working on the massages and the care part of my-
00:56:59.320
Can't just go in and do push-ups, pull-ups, and sit-ups at our age.
00:57:07.200
Like right now, this week, I'm trying to get extra.
00:57:08.940
When it's just like, I got a couple busy weeks coming up.
00:57:11.480
And so I just got to, like now's the time I got to tap in and just see if I can, you
00:57:16.300
And I'm fortunate enough to be able to do it, right?
00:57:19.940
They're working every day, you know, like, you know, they work like daytime hours.
00:57:26.000
So yeah, I just feel lucky that I'm able to go do it.
00:57:28.400
But yeah, I like to go into that joint where it's low key, dude.
00:57:30.840
They used to have a place in LA, give a due $40, two Viettes would fucking beat the shit
00:57:39.720
I didn't see their cocks, but one of them looked heavy.
00:57:43.160
Or he looked like his stomach was tight because it was moving around a big cock.
00:57:50.480
And then you see like, oh, he's fucking, he's carrying, you know.
00:57:55.920
Kobayashi, the hot dog eating champion, he was always shredded because he had that, you know.
00:58:09.120
There's a reason why UFC fighters always win at Punch Buggy on a family road trip.
00:58:15.180
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00:58:26.980
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00:59:23.820
Yo, I knew you weren't going to, I knew, I knew you weren't in L.A.
00:59:28.340
You were an L.A. guy, but I knew that you were going to come back home.
00:59:33.080
Yeah, because I feel like, I just feel like you, um, you belong here.
00:59:45.560
You belong in like a 200 mile radius and it's here.
00:59:53.040
I feel like we're in a, like, I do feel like Tennessee is like a place that's, uh, it's
00:59:57.940
caring, it feels more normal and it's like, um, and it's fun and it's like, I don't know,
01:00:07.300
Yeah, like it feels there's a, a genuineness to it all here where not everything is about
01:00:15.700
Like you're an entertainer, but your neighbor's probably not.
01:00:19.600
Your neighbor probably is, or if they weren't at some point, they wanted to be.
01:00:24.000
So it's, it's, it's, it's a tough thing to always be around that.
01:00:27.960
Well, in Hollywood, I think, I mean, Hollywood's even losing a lot of the film industry.
01:00:31.480
Bring up what's causing production to leave Los Angeles.
01:00:45.440
States like Georgia, New Mexico, and Nevada, plus countries such as Canada and the UK offer
01:00:51.000
Uh, the cost of living and operating in Los Angeles has significantly increased.
01:00:55.500
Hollywood endured major strikes because of, and a lot of that's because of greed.
01:01:00.320
Um, the aftermath of COVID-19, which a lot of them helped push through the fucking
01:01:06.580
So it's nice just to see a lot of this shit coming back and to bite people in the ass.
01:01:10.580
Studios are cutting production budgets and scaling back local projects due to declining
01:01:14.240
streaming numbers, reduced programming by networks, and a fall in box office revenues.
01:01:22.160
The fact that they didn't even have water in that reservoir, the fact that there's issues
01:01:26.760
with like hundreds of millions of dollars they raised from fire aid, that's not even
01:01:30.360
going to people that it's like, what is even going on?
01:01:35.560
Um, and I think people with, uh, heartbeats are starting to kind of realize it.
01:01:39.600
And now I don't mean like, that's just Hollywood.
01:01:41.500
What I'm saying, I'm not talking about the people really that are there.
01:01:44.720
I mean, they know what, who I'm talking about, but it's not like the everyday people that's
01:01:49.120
just there, that's hustling, that love their neighborhoods and shit.
01:01:55.580
I'm just talking about how Hollywood, how they're losing that industry.
01:01:58.980
And yeah, and maybe some guy like mom, Donnie will come along there and they'll start to
01:02:02.820
like, you know, it'd be nice to see eventually that people that don't have all the means get
01:02:12.800
Cause it starts to get gluttonous and it starts to get kind of sick.
01:02:15.940
Well, it starts and then you look back at history.
01:02:17.420
That's why I love history so much and do the history pod because you look back at like
01:02:23.120
In the 1790s, that's what happened, man, is the wage gap.
01:02:28.600
Started to get crazy and the rich just kept getting richer and then they just stormed
01:02:33.100
the Bastille and they cut off the King and Queen's head, Marie Antoinette, let him eat
01:02:39.620
Well, she definitely didn't say that, but, and then they cut off the King, King Louis
01:02:45.240
If you ever seen the movie Napoleon with Joaquin Phoenix, that's the first scene that
01:02:49.240
And that's, that wage gap is starting to broaden just like them days now.
01:02:53.640
Dude, I want to be on a horse with the revolutionaries.
01:02:58.200
And I know that I've made money in my life now and it's different, but I'll never have
01:03:03.200
And yeah, I want to do some things that towards the end of this year and next year that are
01:03:07.220
going to start to like create ways to like give back, help people like figure things
01:03:11.960
You should buy your whole neighborhood solar roofs, solar panel, Tesla roofs.
01:03:21.020
They don't, they're going to fucking charge their guns at night.
01:03:23.760
No, but I think there is great ways, but I don't know.
01:03:27.780
I thought about going back to my old neighborhood.
01:03:29.020
We got a bunch of cool stuff in the coffers and some of that's just jokes.
01:03:32.000
Um, dude, did you see that Ro Khanna, he's a democratic congressman from California and
01:03:39.880
Thomas Massey, who's like the, who drove here in a truck that he lives in, parked it outside.
01:03:47.880
I'm in that bitch drinking fucking raw milk with him that he got out of a goat by his
01:04:01.420
But, um, but anyway, they come up with this petition.
01:04:06.200
It says right here in the U S house of representatives launched in September to force a vote on releasing
01:04:10.760
all federal files related to the Jeffrey Epstein case.
01:04:13.180
The petition takes the form of a discharge petition, which allows a resolution or bill to bypass
01:04:18.840
regular committee procedures and be brought directly to the house for, for a vote.
01:04:23.940
I mean, don't you think it's crazy that they won't release this?
01:04:27.540
Do you have a take on what do you think is going on with all this?
01:04:31.280
I mean, it just seems like, how could they not like, does it feel like our government
01:04:46.020
So you look here and vice versa that I really don't know because you know, the whole thing
01:04:50.440
was about those missing second or second, uh, one or two seconds of the Epstein, uh, tape.
01:04:56.320
And then they just, the government just released the tape unedited and there's nothing that
01:05:01.520
So there's nobody that came in or came out of it.
01:05:03.840
Now, could there be some more advanced technology we don't even know about that?
01:05:06.660
They're just making things happen probably, but I don't know.
01:05:10.660
So I try, there are times where I find myself going down a rabbit hole of it.
01:05:16.120
And then I try to take myself out and say, how does that, even if they are protecting
01:05:19.900
pedophiles, how does that help me or hurt me in any way, shape or form?
01:05:23.560
It's like, dude, just go make your kid an avocado toast.
01:05:36.760
I've never met these people, so I can't have them affecting my life on a daily basis.
01:05:48.180
How, you know, we, my stepson can't, you know, he's the way he throws a baseball.
01:05:54.840
You know, my daughter, you know, she throws it.
01:05:57.660
She wants to do cheerleading and she keeps falling off the pyramid.
01:06:00.960
So I'm like, you know, man, I want to do, I want to, I want to get into this, but I'm
01:06:05.600
also like, I don't have time, dude, like my, one of my kids is eight years old and still
01:06:14.120
And either none of us do it or all of us do it.
01:06:17.580
I tell my, you know, I don't tell my kids that I tell my, but I tell my kids other gems
01:06:29.780
So you do the right thing, even when no one's looking.
01:06:33.080
And that's what my, and that's what my daughter, I think that's what my daughter,
01:06:38.340
Oh, I think it's obviously at least she's involved in, at least she has some political
01:06:45.540
But you, you have to make time so that they do.
01:06:54.940
Cause last time you were on, we had an extensive conversation.
01:06:57.300
I think it was Valentine's Day or Valentine's Day was coming up and we talked about love
01:07:00.620
and we literally talked about it for about two hours.
01:07:08.260
It was like, you know, cause we had a baby so quick and I want to do it, but it was really
01:07:14.520
And then, and then we split up for a while and that's what happens sometimes you split
01:07:19.660
up with someone and then, you know, you kind of realize what you got, you know, that saying
01:07:23.660
you don't realize, know what you got until it's gone.
01:07:25.980
And then, so that's what her jazz and I've been together now for Jesus, 11, 12 years.
01:07:32.740
And, you know, we're getting engaged because we got engaged because, you know, we got kids,
01:07:46.900
Do you believe, how does love change over time for you guys?
01:07:55.740
Well, I realized that it's not a feeling, it's an action.
01:08:01.720
You've heard that before that love is an action, but.
01:08:04.280
Meaning like, to me, the first sense that I felt anytime I ever saw, what I felt when
01:08:13.560
I remember you told me at a bar, you guys were at a place.
01:08:22.280
And then I felt, and they got shut down because they were selling the fake vaccine card.
01:08:31.700
There's nothing like meeting an illegal alien at a fake vaccine card shop.
01:08:36.240
If your marriage doesn't start out like that in America, then fuck you.
01:08:40.100
So, so she, so I felt this feeling like when I saw her, like she like stopped me in my tracks.
01:08:48.300
Like indigestion or something, but in your legs.
01:08:51.680
I thought maybe because me and my boy Pat, we were in like so much pepperoni.
01:09:01.280
And then so, and so I realized like, that was like, I thought that was love, but that
01:09:08.400
That was more like me just taken in by her beauty.
01:09:13.540
And then I went through with that feeling for years thinking like that was love.
01:09:17.440
And then we would have all these problems and I was always looking for something else.
01:09:25.340
And I realized like, oh, these are just that, that was, that wasn't love.
01:09:31.800
What I realized was all these years later that the real love was her and I coming back
01:09:38.780
together after, you know, a big fight, her showing me so much loyalty, me showing her
01:09:43.620
loyalty, her being there for me when the things were not going well for me.
01:09:47.680
And all those things were, that's the love, the action, love is an action.
01:09:52.500
And I, and I see her do that for me because I used to think, I used to think that she,
01:09:59.820
you know, I, I would always be searching in my, my brain being a bit of a perfectionist
01:10:05.380
as, as, you know, we all are, I think in comedy, like we always want everything to go
01:10:09.100
I would always saying, oh, you know, she's not, she's not perfect.
01:10:14.640
So I got to, you're looking for something else.
01:10:16.540
Your brain is always like, what's the next best thing?
01:10:18.880
And then, you know, at some point to you, you say, okay, I can go get this or get that.
01:10:23.640
And then looking for what's perfect, what's perfect.
01:10:28.180
I was like, oh, she actually is perfect because she's, she's taking me in from all, all my
01:10:34.180
Because she's understanding how imperfect I am and still accepting me anyway.
01:10:38.960
So that's, that is like someone who's perfect because a lot of people wouldn't do that.
01:10:42.200
A lot of people would have just thrown me to the side by now and been like, hey, figure
01:10:47.220
She knows I'm always going to take care of her.
01:11:00.060
And after all these years, I've realized that all that and the action of love
01:11:04.120
and, and, you know, what we have with our children and building a family, like there's
01:11:15.400
It used to be, if my career was down, I'd be unhappy.
01:11:18.860
If, if, if I wasn't feeling in, uh, if I was feeling out of shape, I'd be unhappy.
01:11:23.340
One thing could make it all unhappy because I was playing zero sum.
01:11:27.620
I'll say some things in my life are up and downs.
01:11:33.840
Like, was there something that happened that made you sort of see that?
01:11:36.000
Cause that's pretty powerful to hear about, man.
01:11:37.560
Cause yeah, I think I, I've, I've certainly had that.
01:11:40.160
Like one thing will affect kind of how I operate for the rest of the day and then, or affects
01:11:45.560
Well, I think children, that's why it's important, you know, in my life, personally, people do
01:11:50.080
what they want, but for me, uh, abort or your kids, whatever you want to do in New York
01:11:59.100
Oh, you can send a kid to Gaza and Israel kill them.
01:12:09.340
So, um, but what I felt like, you know, how I learned all that is literally just by like
01:12:15.800
listening to my kids and, and watching what my kids kind of want for me and expect for
01:12:22.220
And I, and I realized that, you know, you, you could spend your whole life thinking
01:12:28.820
Always being, you know, always being, um, you know, there's something's better, something's
01:12:35.220
You can spend your whole life like, and then your whole life goes by.
01:12:37.580
So I realized to like be in the, like, nothing's better to me.
01:12:41.620
Like what's better than, you know, you know, a Lamborghini or selling out a world tour or
01:12:47.040
having sex with the hottest girls, like, you know, just sitting in the grass with your
01:12:52.360
And I, and also at times it's not even for me at times I'm sitting in the grass with
01:12:56.960
I want to go drive in the Lamborghini, but the, but it's not a zero sum game.
01:13:00.960
But those moments that I do have when I am fully locked in, I'm always chasing that.
01:13:07.160
If I'm chasing one thing, I'm always chasing that with these, I've had feeling throughout
01:13:18.000
At times I'm home, my family trying to say, find that feeling.
01:13:21.040
And I just can't, you know, find it, but I don't beat myself up about it anymore.
01:13:27.100
Giannis and I, Giannis talks to me a lot about going back.
01:13:35.700
Come back to the moment as, as much as you can throughout the day, come back to the moment
01:13:41.840
Like there, there was a time when I was talking to you the last time we spoke about love and
01:13:45.780
on Valentine's day, half of my brain was with you.
01:13:48.320
And then half of my brain was probably back home with my kids or, you know, what I was doing
01:13:55.440
I, I, I've, that's one thing I have definitely can feel I've gotten better.
01:14:02.020
And then when I leave, I'll, I'll fully be with, you know, the driver.
01:14:05.640
And then I'll, and then, you know, when I speak to my family, I'll fully be with them.
01:14:09.700
And I'll fully be with an Asian dude in the bathroom at BNA airport, baby.
01:14:15.960
The Viet Cong's getting, yeah, I got those camera shoes.
01:14:28.960
Well, I think it's funny you said, when you say something that it's like, yeah, I let my
01:14:32.680
mind like, uh, I'll have a thought and then my mind will multiply it.
01:14:38.680
I'll have a feeling or one bad thing will happen.
01:14:42.300
Well, cause the brain is going to go towards connections.
01:14:45.680
That's why they say those mushrooms, uh, or acid, one of them is good.
01:14:54.740
But, but that, but that feeling, it's like this thing where I thought, I was thinking
01:14:58.340
about this the other day, like the, you know, like to be happy, me and Giannis were having
01:15:04.980
a conversation about this and he had different feelings, but I was kind of saying like, you
01:15:11.660
Like, you know, people talk about hope and all that, but I feel like faith is, is to me
01:15:15.800
Like it's faith is on a creator and like hope is just, hope is just gay faith.
01:15:24.960
So you got to have faith that like tomorrow will be better.
01:15:28.480
So it kind of goes against what I just said, but on the same hand, it's like simultaneously,
01:15:33.180
I think this balance of life is have, have faith.
01:15:36.340
You know, we had to get out of the caves basically as, you know, Neanderthals we were getting
01:15:40.620
at, you had to get out of the cave, like to go survive and advance and all that.
01:15:45.020
But so it's like, you got to have this faith that there's a better life outside the cave
01:15:48.860
by also acknowledging simultaneously that what you have in the cave is enough.
01:15:57.940
And the only way we get him to stop, you had to say the N word to get him to stop.
01:16:04.400
And the only way you'd say it's not tickle, but you say the N word is the only way to get
01:16:09.080
Um, so when he asked, cause he wants to give a, you know, like donate a sperm, so he wouldn't
01:16:20.160
And then that's how he was able to get back to his community by helping some of the ladies
01:16:26.240
Oh, you yell the N words to the whites will pop out, you know, they're like, what's going
01:16:43.640
Somebody robbed my mom coming down the block and they were robbing women, taking their purses.
01:16:51.120
They took my mom's purse and multiple other ladies' purses.
01:16:53.520
And then they would sell, uh, you know, like, uh, take their money.
01:16:57.400
And it was the running out of the back of a bodega that, you know, they had like steal their
01:17:04.720
And my uncle would go to that bodega and drink beers and chill.
01:17:08.060
And he heard them talking in Spanish about, oh, they just took this lady's purse.
01:17:11.880
And he was saying like to himself, he's like, oh, I think, I think that's my sister-in-law.
01:17:18.400
And then he brought him, he had a whole, um, craft, like a, like a, uh, uh, like a tool
01:17:24.960
And he had, uh, he, he took this guy back to the garage.
01:17:28.240
He thought he was just going to drink beers or whatever.
01:17:29.560
And then he tied him up and he put on a welding mask and he welded the skin off his knees
01:17:36.340
And then he gave my mom all her money back and all that.
01:18:01.520
I think sometimes you got to have some serious measures.
01:18:08.800
Finding love and committing to it and realizing that the rest of the stuff is distraction.
01:18:15.000
But also too, I mean, I say all that stuff, but I also don't know what the fuck I'm talking
01:18:18.940
But you know what you're talking about for you and you're trying your best.
01:18:24.160
No, but you know what I've been realizing too, like just about me.
01:18:27.460
I mean, I, you know, cause I'm only me like there's moments of the day, almost every day
01:18:32.040
where I'll have some like intuitive, I'll say something like so intuitive and tight, but
01:18:38.180
I'll say it like, like only once in a while does that get captured on the camera.
01:18:42.920
Like when I'm supposed to be doing my job here, I'm just babbling.
01:18:46.580
I don't know what I'm talking about, but I'll like get on the plane tonight and have
01:18:51.140
a conversation with the person next to me and it'll be like next level on.
01:19:03.800
Um, I'll, after I get like, I'll be listening to the edit of an episode is watching through
01:19:15.680
That's insane not to ask that right there, but I think it's just where your brain is and
01:19:19.880
what you can handle and what you like do and, and, and take on at the moment.
01:19:23.540
Um, oh, did you see, there's a clip of a woman took a man into the mall and made him walk.
01:19:30.740
He cheated and she made him walk with a sign on.
01:19:48.360
He had a two year affair while I had his second baby.
01:19:55.940
We intentionally had a second baby and he was having an affair the whole time.
01:20:04.160
Do you think, is this the kind of stuff we need to keep marriages together?
01:20:06.860
No, I, I would, I would, you know, get a divorce, dude.
01:20:11.900
Well, he should have gotten a divorce than to go ahead and have a more family.
01:20:15.780
The good thing about like, you know, my lady is if, if, if that, you know, if I ever had a two year affair, which I haven't, but if I ever had a two year affair, she would never do this.
01:20:27.740
She would hit, she would, that's what would happen for that.
01:20:32.860
And she would hit it with the, probably with the ring on.
01:20:34.980
So she'd hit me hard in the spleen, pancreas, something like that.
01:20:40.520
And I have a kind of shit blood or piss blood for a little while.
01:20:44.020
But then she, then she would probably make me plantanos or some, you know, dish, the maduros, the smash plantanos.
01:20:49.520
She would make it for me maybe a couple of nights later.
01:20:52.680
But see, like what this is like this, I don't like, you know, and also, I mean, there's a part of me that also doesn't believe it.
01:20:59.400
I just, because of how much content is out there, I just don't believe that it's always real.
01:21:03.800
But, you know, she, uh, why would he go do this?
01:21:09.380
She just, if her, if it's not real, her acting is pretty good in this video.
01:21:12.580
Well, he's, you know, I mean, he, I mean, yeah, that's bitch boy behavior.
01:21:19.180
Can you zoom in and see if the baby's moving at all?
01:21:25.660
It doesn't even look like there's a baby in there.
01:21:30.360
Who's going to give somebody a fake baby to go make this?
01:21:33.720
Like if you got to see your parents, I don't think, I mean, I get what she's trying to do, but it's whack all around.
01:21:41.260
And they both do look like prototypical podcast fans.
01:21:44.380
These are exactly what the fans of the podcast look like.
01:21:48.200
You got a fat older lady and just a skinny guy who looks kind of dirty.
01:22:05.420
She probably said you have to do this or what or I'm going to like.
01:22:09.080
Well, see, that's the thing because normally it's like, oh, or I'll tweet out your messages.
01:22:23.540
Tell everyone you've ever met because I don't want to do this.
01:22:27.200
And I bet you if you scroll through the comments, most people are saying this isn't real.
01:22:39.660
Do you believe, like, how many of these comments do you think are real people?
01:22:48.100
Like, I feel like it's getting to the point now where it might be, like, over 50% of the
01:22:55.580
It's like they can make so many things are bots.
01:22:57.220
Like, AI is so capable of, like, act more human when you comment.
01:23:02.640
It's like we're watching a – like, it's kind of crazy to think that our reality has become
01:23:11.200
But it's the reality on the social media platforms and on the internet.
01:23:14.960
Is science fiction – no, our reality has become fiction.
01:23:22.820
Which it really is because it definitely, like, tricks us a lot.
01:23:33.860
Oh, do you think I could play Jussie Smollett in a biopic?
01:23:38.620
Well, I told you, especially from the future because, as you said in the beginning of
01:23:41.800
the show, you're a black woman from the future.
01:23:44.540
And I think I – I think that you could play Jussie Smollett and you could play the
01:23:51.080
One of – I think you could play any of those three.
01:23:55.520
Even though I've never seen you act, but I have a feeling that you're a good actor.
01:23:59.600
Dude, remember when you said on Opie and Anthony or the Opie show all those years ago that
01:24:11.160
Dude, that was – and you know what was crazy, too, to watch that video?
01:24:15.360
Like you watch that – you could watch that clip and, you know, just think about like
01:24:19.800
at that point in your career, like you were kind of struggling.
01:24:24.920
We thought – you know, you were like – I remember us going to have lunch and you
01:24:28.120
were like, man, like there was – I think you had done a show the next weekend
01:24:37.400
Don, the guy Don, DePetta, you had to take his pants.
01:24:42.360
And you wouldn't sell barely any tickets at the Sacramento Punchdown and then blew up.
01:24:49.140
Dude, going in there in the morning, going in that building and getting to go in there.
01:24:55.020
Bobby Lee used to go in there and eat bull dick.
01:25:02.520
Yeah, there's video of it, him eating bull dick.
01:25:12.180
There's nobody – I mean, Opie and Anthony, it's not even a show anymore.
01:25:16.280
Howard Stern still has a show, but he never goes in.
01:25:21.380
So I think we got to start going into the buildings again.
01:25:23.780
I don't like – oh, like I don't think working from home is – I don't know that it's going to last.
01:25:33.980
And the chef did put olive oil and some salt on it.
01:25:58.760
He was also at this time in 2016 telling me his career was – felt like dead in the water.
01:26:06.840
He's one of the best Bad Friends you could have right there.
01:26:13.680
Yeah, I think he runs out of the – he runs out of the studio.
01:26:16.740
And I went after him, and he was vomiting for real.
01:26:30.520
Well, I think the one thing that we can count on, man, is just love.
01:26:33.940
It's like that's what you – I think that's one of the messages I feel like from our conversation today.
01:26:40.320
You focus on the things that are in front of you and the things you can handle, and that is really what's important.
01:26:49.760
It's like there's travesty happening all over the world.
01:26:52.400
You can't fix everything, but you know what I mean?
01:26:55.700
You could sweep up in front of the house, take the garbage out, you know, tell your neighbors to try not to be Nazis if they can.
01:27:03.360
Do the right thing even when nobody's watching.
01:27:22.320
Next time we talk, we should talk about how certain names could lead people down certain sexual paths.
01:27:29.720
My dad, he purposely calls me Christopher and not Chris because he believes that if a man goes with their full first name, that means they're gay.
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Like, as a joke, but he calls me – he calls me Christopher.
01:27:47.700
I got to interrupt you, but we got to – you have to go or you're going to miss your flight.
01:27:59.000
We'll make sure we put them all up and talk about them in the beginning.
01:28:03.320
Now I'm just floating on the breeze And I feel I'm falling like these leaves
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I must be cornerstone Oh, but when I reach that ground
01:28:17.940
I'll share this peace of mind I found I can feel it in my bones