This Past Weekend with Theo Von - #609 - Chris Distefano

00:00:00.000 Today's guest is a stand-up comedian out of New York City.

00:00:03.420 He's performing this Thursday at the Madison Square Garden Theater on 9-11.

00:00:09.620 I'm thankful to have him back in studio, the recently engaged Mr. Chris DeStefano.

00:00:17.980 Shine on me, and I will find a song I've been singing just before.

00:00:30.000 I feel pretty good.

00:00:36.420 Yeah, dude, I guess racism still alive, do you think?

00:00:40.000 What do you think is really going on with racism?

00:00:41.600 With racism, what I really think is going on is I think that it's turning around now,

00:00:48.000 and now it's pretty much just whites and blacks coming together to be racist against the Chinese.

00:00:56.220 You do? 0.93

00:00:56.840 Yeah, so that's what I think is the nice thing about racism.

00:01:00.000 Is we're kind of everybody's teaming up now, you know, and so it's about a common enemy

00:01:06.440 because it used to be white versus black, but that's not at all what it is anymore.

00:01:10.460 And Latinos have been absorbed up into white, and it's everything is just not Chinese Americans, 0.95

00:01:15.600 just people from China.

00:01:17.220 Okay.

00:01:17.640 That's where it seems to be going now. 0.88

00:01:19.180 Well, some black folks were beating up the Chinese during the COVID stuff.

00:01:22.600 Remember that? 0.93

00:01:23.160 That was the big thing.

00:01:24.160 I have a lot of friends, obviously by my haircut, you know, and you've known me for a long time,

00:01:28.560 but I have a lot of friends who are in the NYPD, and I have an honorary police badge just because of the way I look.

00:01:35.700 I was just given one.

00:01:36.660 You know, like some people get like a honorary doctorate, like Bill Cosby, the G, OG.

00:01:42.940 I got an honorary NYPD just because of my look.

00:01:46.840 Oh, I could see you breaking that out, like in a men's bathhouse or something. 1.00

00:01:50.840 Like, get everybody down!

00:01:52.000 Yeah, yeah.

00:01:52.680 And mouths open, you know?

00:01:54.480 Yeah, yeah.

00:01:54.760 I'm on a big group chat with like 30 cops, and anytime there's like a protest, they'll just start writing CS,

00:02:02.480 and I'm like, what the hell is that?

00:02:03.520 And they're like, cracking skulls.

00:02:04.980 Yeah.

00:02:05.600 Yeah, yeah.

00:02:07.060 Just start coming out.

00:02:08.820 Coughing time!

00:02:10.060 That's what it is.

00:02:10.800 Yeah.

00:02:11.300 But I think that, um...

00:02:12.840 Do you really think that?

00:02:13.700 Because racism, like, you know, it's just, it's gotten into, like when I was young, it was like,

00:02:18.980 I don't want to say it was nice or whatever, but it was just, it was easy.

00:02:21.800 It was like, okay, everybody was a certain thing, and you kind of got to pick them out,

00:02:25.840 and you knew who was going to pick on you type of thing.

00:02:28.140 Yeah.

00:02:28.480 But then people started getting so mixed. 0.99

00:02:30.320 It's like you almost need, um, like a calculator.

00:02:35.080 You almost, you're like, well, what is, you know, what, I'm only going to be racist against

00:02:38.440 a half of this person or a quarter of them?

00:02:40.300 It's like, it's just too confusing now.

00:02:41.940 Right.

00:02:42.320 Well, it's too confusing.

00:02:43.480 It's like when you started doing fractions when you were, like, in fourth grade.

00:02:45.940 And it's also like, everybody is every race, and everybody's every gender, and everyone,

00:02:50.100 like, I haven't even in my own family, because, you know, I got, my kids are half white, half

00:02:54.060 Latino, and, you know, I have a 10-year-old daughter and a 4-year-old daughter, and there's

00:02:58.260 even division there.

00:02:59.700 Like, my 10-year-old has chosen to be more Latina, and my 4-year-old's chosen to be more white.

00:03:04.440 Like, that's what's up.

00:03:05.380 And, and so I'll have my 4-year-old multiple times.

00:03:08.180 Multiple times, my 4-year-old has, you know, because she's, they're learning, these kids

00:03:11.420 are so damn good on the iPad now.

00:03:13.340 Multiple times, my 4-year-old has been fully on FaceTime with ICE agents trying to get my

00:03:19.060 10-year-old locked up.

00:03:21.020 And then it's like, you know, do you put them, because I, and I put them in timeout, but

00:03:24.560 you're like, is that enough?

00:03:25.600 And timeout is what the government's trying to put them in.

00:03:27.580 So you're like, is it just like a practice?

00:03:29.540 Like, you know, I think these days for, I think for Latino kids, you got to make time

00:03:33.480 out in tents.

00:03:34.920 Right.

00:03:35.440 You know, to at least get them ready in case they get picked up.

00:03:38.600 That's what, actually, it's funny you say that.

00:03:40.200 That's what I've been implementing in my house.

00:03:41.980 I have a little room in my basement.

00:03:44.800 It's alligator, Alcatraz.

00:03:46.300 Well, we actually call it Guantanamo Bay.

00:03:48.320 Yeah.

00:03:48.680 And so we have it set up.

00:03:50.160 We have like a little video camera there.

00:03:52.000 We put them all in, you know, masks when they go down there.

00:03:54.440 And it's a whole thing to get them set up because the truth is, man, is if one, one

00:03:59.260 of my children has chosen to be white and one of my chosen children has chosen to be

00:04:02.720 Latino.

00:04:03.560 That's on them.

00:04:04.120 That's on them.

00:04:04.700 And it caused division with, you know, my wife and I, like I have to now choose, you

00:04:10.720 know, and obviously I choose white.

00:04:11.980 Yeah.

00:04:12.620 You know, as you have.

00:04:14.100 I don't, I mean, I think I, these days I am on the, uh, the fence, you know, or like,

00:04:20.040 how do you say the fence in Spanish?

00:04:22.280 Bring that up.

00:04:23.440 La fence.

00:04:24.440 You think that's French?

00:04:25.800 No, you used to.

00:04:26.520 La Valle.

00:04:27.220 Oh, la Valle.

00:04:28.600 Now, do you.

00:04:29.240 She's cute. 0.95

00:04:29.680 How old is she? 0.98

00:04:30.620 For real, right?

00:04:31.620 But no.

00:04:31.900 Well, what's the, we're in Tennessee.

00:04:33.680 So I don't know what, what's the, what's the age?

00:04:35.280 I mean, I'll say it skews a little, but nothing to drive down here for.

00:04:40.900 I just want to say, I love Celsius.

00:04:43.280 It's not like the old days.

00:04:44.040 I'm going to need some today.

00:04:45.440 Really?

00:04:45.820 Oh, you're not feeling.

00:04:46.500 I'm sorry, man.

00:04:47.380 No, I'm okay.

00:04:48.240 Let's go through some of the stuff you've said already, because yeah, I do think, you know,

00:04:53.860 these days they're picking up so many people for so many things that at home time out should

00:04:58.660 be more extensive for these kids.

00:05:00.380 It's got to be more intense.

00:05:01.760 You've got to put them under a bright lamp or something like that.

00:05:04.020 You've got to, you know, tape their feet to the floor and tickle them. 0.85

00:05:06.960 Like you've got to do things that are going to prep them.

00:05:09.200 Well, yeah.

00:05:09.760 And also too, I like, I need to prepare my children, you know, for, because, you know,

00:05:14.480 for like kidnappings and things like that, because with all the Netflix content and just

00:05:18.880 content in general needs to come out, you have to think that networks and streamers are going

00:05:23.560 to start to just do things for the content.

00:05:26.160 So they will just let a serial killer loose or just pay a dude to just kind of get out there

00:05:31.200 and kidnap kids.

00:05:31.980 So they have the story.

00:05:33.280 So you have to, you know, my kids want to get into acting.

00:05:35.480 So maybe that's the way, well, you know, they just started a lot of those, uh, pediophiles

00:05:40.840 that they're busting over there at Target.

00:05:43.480 You've seen these TikToks.

00:05:44.880 No, that's what the beautiful thing.

00:05:46.860 Have you seen them?

00:05:47.520 I haven't because I've been off social media.

00:05:49.120 I'm not on social.

00:05:49.880 I've, I've, I've went away.

00:05:51.460 I just let my kids go on it.

00:05:52.880 That's fine.

00:05:53.360 I just let them, I just let them kind of get all the energy out on social media.

00:05:57.240 Let them make profiles, talk to whomever they want.

00:05:59.700 And I'm not on it.

00:06:02.380 Oh, you got to keep the breadwinner safe.

00:06:04.400 Yeah, dude.

00:06:04.780 I got to, you know, my brain got to be here.

00:06:06.720 Yeah.

00:06:07.300 Um, you know, dude, I was thinking that there, a lot of, uh, the pediophiles that are now,

00:06:11.880 I guess they always, now it's not even cops busting them.

00:06:15.020 It's just like dudes busting them.

00:06:16.840 It's like regular dude.

00:06:18.200 They'll just wander up on a guy and they're like, so who you here to see, you know?

00:06:21.500 Right.

00:06:21.760 And it's just some guy.

00:06:23.180 And, but the, you know, the guy has been flirt, flirting with a child online, a hypothetical

00:06:28.700 child.

00:06:29.260 The other guy who's busting them has been sitting around pretending to be a child.

00:06:33.640 Right. 0.53

00:06:34.040 Making sexual advances or I don't want to say that entirely, but communicating sexually

00:06:38.820 with, uh, an hypothetical adult.

00:06:40.880 Cause at that point they don't know they're online, which both sides of it, like definitely

00:06:46.120 the predator is that's it.

00:06:47.700 That's a crime.

00:06:48.360 The other side also has to be a little bit weird at a certain times.

00:06:52.080 Like the psyche that happens if all day or six hours a day for four days a week, you're

00:06:56.720 sitting there pretending to be a child and like responding to like sexual advances of

00:07:02.080 adults has to be kind of weird.

00:07:03.340 It's yes.

00:07:03.880 But then they get them to these places and instead of busting them, now they're doing

00:07:09.360 things where there's physical challenges and they let them go if they can complete the

00:07:12.840 physical challenge.

00:07:13.700 Yeah.

00:07:13.780 I mean, it's kind of a genius move because it's like, it's kind of like, you know, um,

00:07:19.440 uh, American Ninja Warrior meets Chris Hansen.

00:07:22.680 Yeah.

00:07:23.040 Which is kind of dope.

00:07:24.040 You know what I mean?

00:07:24.880 Yeah.

00:07:25.140 It's kind of interesting cause we have to get to that level.

00:07:27.800 But I think, yeah, I, unfortunately now everything you got to know what's content, everything

00:07:32.920 in some ways is content.

00:07:34.460 So what I like to do is I, I don't film it.

00:07:36.760 I just do it for the great greater good is I, there was a dude in the, um, local, uh, Buffalo

00:07:42.640 Wild Wings in the mall near my house.

00:07:44.860 And what he was doing is he was sitting in the stall and he had little cat, he had cameras

00:07:50.360 coming out of his pants up onto his shoes, shooting up, filming up.

00:07:53.400 And he would look for little kids.

00:07:55.040 Oh, and he'd slide the camera under the thing?

00:07:56.300 He would slide the shoe under and it'd be just taking snapshots and videos of little

00:07:59.640 kids on the toilet.

00:08:00.860 So what I would do is I would go in there and I had to, uh, uh, you know, I call it a fake 1.00

00:08:04.680 baby penis, but it was just my actual penis that looks relatively, you know, like a baby 1.00

00:08:09.760 penis, not circumcised, kind of just there. 0.99

00:08:11.660 I actually still have the umbilical cord. 0.77

00:08:13.920 It's, it kind of looks like an outie belly button.

00:08:16.020 Yeah.

00:08:16.200 You've seen it before.

00:08:17.180 Yeah, exactly.

00:08:18.440 So, and I still got the umbilical cord. 0.99

00:08:20.420 So I just had them, I would just have them take pictures of my, you know, baby dick and 1.00

00:08:26.240 balls. 1.00

00:08:26.500 And then we'd bust them like that.

00:08:27.880 And I wouldn't even call the police.

00:08:28.900 It would just be my friends from the group chat.

00:08:30.320 I would just say, it's CS. 0.87

00:08:31.400 And they would just start cracking his dude's skulls.

00:08:33.520 And then that's how we'd get them off the streets because you do got to think, I agree

00:08:37.260 with you, you know, these people that expose the pedophiles, it's like, you're not a pedophile,

00:08:42.500 but you're also not doing it for the greater good.

00:08:44.500 It's like, I think there has to be some weird psychological thing that has to mess with you

00:08:49.140 after a while.

00:08:50.440 Um, bring up what some of the, uh, those pedophiles that were completing the challenges and stuff.

00:08:54.960 Can you, can you see that?

00:08:56.520 You're, you look at kind of beefy dude up in the shoulders.

00:08:58.600 Like you're stronger now.

00:09:00.000 I have been in, I've been in the gym.

00:09:01.800 Yeah.

00:09:02.120 I'm feeling tired though.

00:09:03.080 Now, do you think you have early stage COVID?

00:09:04.780 What do you, what are you tired from?

00:09:07.000 Do you think?

00:09:08.300 Bro, I don't, you have to, first of all, fully believe in COVID to even get it.

00:09:13.760 I believe.

00:09:14.520 A hundred percent.

00:09:15.020 But they're just getting stronger.

00:09:16.280 That's great.

00:09:16.620 And then they let them back in a lot.

00:09:17.780 It's like, they're just getting stronger.

00:09:19.360 Yeah.

00:09:19.700 Well, that's getting, some were doing hurdles.

00:09:21.960 One guy had to eat like 40 eggs and it's like, okay, now he's.

00:09:24.840 Now you got mad protein and you can grab any kid you want.

00:09:28.100 Well, it's just, they're getting stronger.

00:09:29.820 So do you think then the solution is obviously to give the kids guns?

00:09:34.280 Oh, dude.

00:09:35.260 Would that be the solution?

00:09:36.500 I don't know.

00:09:37.040 I know that's going to happen.

00:09:37.660 Because that's what's going to happen is the first active shooter is going to go in with a plan 1.00

00:09:40.860 and get shot by the students right away and just feel like an idiot. 1.00

00:09:44.680 What if they had a dude named Guantanamo Bay, right? 1.00

00:09:47.160 B-A-E. 0.85

00:09:47.860 And he was just like this gay dude in the like, in Guantanamo that was just like slurping everybody. 1.00

00:09:53.520 Oh, yeah. 0.92

00:09:53.920 Be like, everything's fine.

00:09:56.160 Dude, I would, I would want to get arrested.

00:09:58.100 You would be that.

00:09:59.060 You'd be a great guy to be Guantanamo Bay. 0.81

00:10:01.120 And I know how to play both sides. 0.98

00:10:02.660 I know how to play Latino and gay.

00:10:04.220 Mm-hmm. 0.83

00:10:04.840 Easily.

00:10:05.300 You could do it.

00:10:05.680 I have both dudes living inside me right now.

00:10:08.020 Yeah.

00:10:08.380 Yeah.

00:10:09.040 Well, I think, I mean, yeah, I think, look, if that's how you feel, I'm not, I'm not,

00:10:13.780 you know, I'm a.

00:10:15.040 I don't know.

00:10:15.520 I'll tell you how I feel about that.

00:10:17.000 My pronouns are he, nosotros.

00:10:19.460 Yes.

00:10:20.060 He, nosotros.

00:10:21.080 Wait, nosotros.

00:10:22.180 What's this between nosotros and vosotros?

00:10:25.160 Vosotros means, um, us.

00:10:29.520 What does nosotros mean?

00:10:30.800 We.

00:10:31.780 Got it.

00:10:32.380 I think that's it.

00:10:33.400 Oh, vosotros means you.

00:10:35.400 Sorry.

00:10:35.700 I think it's formal.

00:10:36.720 Can you hit that accent?

00:10:37.840 Because I'm.

00:10:40.160 Vosotros.

00:10:40.400 Vosotros.

00:10:41.480 God. 1.00

00:10:42.100 Damn, dude. 1.00

00:10:43.400 I'll have two kids right now. 1.00

00:10:44.840 Yo, do you want kids, man?

00:10:46.180 Yeah, I want some.

00:10:46.840 I want to get into that, dude.

00:10:47.800 But I do want to also ask you, though.

00:10:50.300 Um, yeah, what did you think about, oh, they just had that Drewski clip that came up.

00:10:55.180 I want to talk about that, about, do you see that?

00:10:58.640 Um, no, but I'd love to see it.

00:11:00.480 It's, it's cool to not know what's going on in the world at all.

00:11:03.220 And it's also cool to catch up with you.

00:11:04.680 And I don't even know what's going on in your life.

00:11:06.500 Well, this is the kind of thing that's happened.

00:11:07.680 And we will get into that because I know last time you were here, we had a huge conversation

00:11:10.680 for two hours.

00:11:11.460 It was Valentine's Day.

00:11:12.940 We talked about love.

00:11:14.100 We talked about where we're at.

00:11:15.000 That must have been years ago, dude.

00:11:16.200 It was a couple of years ago.

00:11:17.120 You've had some, um, you've had some big things happen in your, in your life.

00:11:20.980 Yep.

00:11:21.300 Where you, uh, have been forced into marriage by a semi-illegal alien. 0.99

00:11:25.500 And we're going to talk about that.

00:11:26.460 Yes.

00:11:26.880 We're going to talk about that.

00:11:27.580 But first I want to talk a little bit more about race and race baiting.

00:11:31.120 Okay.

00:11:31.540 Um, cross racial behaviors right here.

00:11:33.600 Uh, this is a clip that of a white male.

00:11:36.720 Let's see.

00:11:37.360 Um, that Drewski put together.

00:11:39.180 Okay.

00:11:46.360 I think this is a Jason Kelsey impersonation also.

00:12:00.260 Look at this.

00:12:04.080 Born in the U.S.

00:12:07.260 Hey, Joanna.

00:12:08.960 Joanna.

00:12:10.080 She's not listening.

00:12:11.140 You need to listen to your Nana.

00:12:13.840 Look at Cedar Point.

00:12:17.540 Hey, you lost, boy.

00:12:22.200 No, I'm going to the race.

00:12:23.540 What race?

00:12:24.580 NASCAR race.

00:12:25.760 You're going to NASCAR?

00:12:27.740 Yes, sir. 1.00

00:12:28.320 A little bitch. 1.00

00:12:31.720 You ain't lost, did you? 1.00

00:12:32.940 What is this? 1.00

00:12:34.000 Shit, dude. 1.00

00:12:34.840 You sure about that? 1.00

00:12:35.520 Do you think that kind of racism happens that much, really? 0.99

00:12:38.280 Or this is more like in movies type shit, dude? 0.99

00:12:40.700 I mean, look, dude, I live in New York, so I don't know what it's like in the South, but 0.99

00:12:44.960 I know racism exists.

00:12:47.580 I also know that it's kept alive by the media and the internet and all that stuff because

00:12:53.040 there's so many people that make so much profit off it that you're like, but I mean, I think

00:12:57.540 that's fine.

00:12:58.180 I mean, Drewski doing that is just like a good bit, but I should be able to then fully dress

00:13:02.820 black.

00:13:03.140 Like, well, that's where I'm going, right?

00:13:04.680 Because at this point, it's like, yeah, this is hilarious, right?

00:13:07.240 Like, I thought the part with the black dude was so, it's tough to watch because you're 1.00

00:13:11.860 like, is he now perpetuating this thing that, I don't think that shit happens, dude. 0.99

00:13:17.120 Like, you know what I'm saying? 0.98

00:13:18.120 I grew up in areas with a lot of racism, you know, I've dabbled in it.

00:13:21.260 Sure. 1.00

00:13:21.760 But I don't see that kind of, I mean, I think you see that shit like in a time to kill an 1.00

00:13:26.700 old movie or like, you know, like in the heat of the night, you know, and that's 0.98

00:13:30.720 just my perception, but I don't even know if a lot of my black friends would say that 0.99

00:13:35.120 they see that kind of shit. 1.00

00:13:36.180 Maybe they do though. 1.00

00:13:37.260 Maybe I'm completely blind.

00:13:38.580 Maybe.

00:13:39.160 But I think at this point, it's like, you could do that.

00:13:42.880 Somebody could do a black face if they wanted to, to create humor in it. 0.67

00:13:48.960 Do you think so?

00:13:49.660 I mean, I guess you can, you can try.

00:13:52.060 I think you could try whatever you want.

00:13:53.680 You could try.

00:13:54.020 I think you do it up.

00:13:54.840 You try whatever you want.

00:13:55.740 I don't have me personally.

00:13:57.600 Personally, I wouldn't do it.

00:13:58.840 Not because of, just because I don't have the comedy behind it.

00:14:01.640 You wouldn't look good as a, as a, as a African-American. 1.00

00:14:04.100 Exactly, dude.

00:14:04.720 And I, cause I got a lot of skin tags.

00:14:06.560 So even if I went like black face or black full body, cause I would most likely just 0.99

00:14:11.140 go black chest. 0.94

00:14:13.020 Oh, I go black arms and legs and I get out on the court and I'd ball. 0.98

00:14:15.720 Right.

00:14:15.980 And I would keep the face right, but I got a lot of skin tags and moles and stuff.

00:14:19.140 So it wouldn't look right.

00:14:20.260 But I think every, in the name of comedy, I say, give it a try.

00:14:24.760 Yeah.

00:14:24.920 That's why with Drewski, I mean, that was funny to me.

00:14:27.280 Give it a try.

00:14:28.120 Any white person that's offended by that is just, you know, they're kind of Guantanamo

00:14:31.780 Bay in a way.

00:14:32.640 Yeah.

00:14:33.160 You know, in a way, dude, everybody's kind of just a little bit sensitive and you really

00:14:38.540 start to feel better about your life.

00:14:41.120 I think ultimately when you come, well, again, I won't want to, I don't generalize anything

00:14:46.500 anymore.

00:14:47.100 Me specifically, I started to feel so much better and happier when I just got off social media

00:14:51.280 cause I was like, oh, the regular, all the racism and drama, it's all happening in the

00:14:56.360 comments of people that you don't know.

00:14:58.520 Any, anybody, I've made a decision in my life.

00:15:01.260 If I don't know you personally, you don't affect me at all, positive or negative.

00:15:05.260 You can tell me how great I am.

00:15:06.720 It doesn't matter. 1.00

00:15:07.340 You can tell me how much I suck. 1.00

00:15:08.640 It doesn't matter. 1.00

00:15:09.560 You could call me any name in the book.

00:15:11.200 Don't care.

00:15:11.860 Unless I personally knew you.

00:15:13.320 If you, Theo Vaughn was like, hey, Chris, this. 1.00

00:15:16.120 You're a f*** or whatever. 1.00

00:15:17.100 Exactly. 1.00

00:15:17.880 Well, dude, I mean, that's, that's how we talk, man.

00:15:20.740 I would just, I would just look at my last text from you.

00:15:26.240 Yeah.

00:15:26.720 Facts.

00:15:27.120 Facts.

00:15:27.500 But no, I just think I like, I love this in the name of comedy.

00:15:30.620 I think it's the kind of comedy that's fun and that you need.

00:15:33.440 Yeah.

00:15:33.800 And I think like, if somebody were doing something messed up and that is racist, I think you can

00:15:38.380 feel that.

00:15:39.600 Yes.

00:15:40.340 Undeniably.

00:15:40.920 To me, you can't be racist and funny.

00:15:42.860 It's one or the other.

00:15:43.680 Like you can't, you can't be hateful.

00:15:45.440 You can't be, you can't be racist and hateful.

00:15:47.840 Like they're like, you know, like Hitler, Hitler wasn't funny. 0.76

00:15:51.720 You know what I mean?

00:15:52.260 He was racist, but he wasn't funny.

00:15:53.960 Well, I mean, he might've been a little funny, but you know, the racist stuff he was doing 0.77

00:15:57.900 wasn't funny, but he could have been funny outside his racism.

00:16:00.180 That I don't know.

00:16:01.180 Did he have a sense of humor?

00:16:02.240 Will you bring that up?

00:16:02.800 If Hitler had a sense of humor? 0.97

00:16:04.780 Yeah, I think he did.

00:16:07.320 Nature of Hitler's humor. 0.97

00:16:08.400 Hitler's humor was often sarcastic or offensive.

00:16:10.360 Sometimes involved pranks directed at his associates.

00:16:12.660 Examples include telling politically charged or racially derogatory jokes at public events

00:16:17.380 and meetings and making light of aggressive or threatening situations.

00:16:22.220 His jokes tended to reinforce Nazi ideology or humiliate perceived enemies.

00:16:29.340 Well, there's memes online of him and Goering, who was the head of the Luftwaffe for the Air

00:16:33.700 Force, them just laughing.

00:16:35.320 That's a lot of times in the group chat that gifl gets sent around with Hitler and Goering 0.98

00:16:41.060 just laughing.

00:16:41.760 Well, they're probably off work for a little while.

00:16:43.340 Yeah, I mean, you can't, you're not on all the time.

00:16:45.900 A specific example of Hitler's humor is the elaborate prank he played on his foreign press 0.90

00:16:50.460 chief, Ernest Humpstengel.

00:16:55.320 Humpstengel. 0.82

00:16:56.000 Humpstengel. 0.82

00:16:56.460 Putzel.

00:16:57.340 Hitzer convinced Humpstengel that he would have to parachute behind enemy lines during the

00:17:01.000 Spanish Civil War as part of a dangerous mission.

00:17:03.200 Humpstengel, terrified and confused, spent hours circling the German countryside by plane before 0.98

00:17:07.500 the pilot revealed the truth and landed safely.

00:17:12.400 Another account concerns Hitler's cold willingness to use jokes to humiliate or intimidate others.

00:17:17.260 For example, Hitler reportedly joked with Erman Goering.

00:17:21.000 Goering is the head guy.

00:17:22.040 That to make the people of Berlin happy, he should jump off the radio tower, a joke that

00:17:26.120 became widely told and led to harsh punishment for those who repeated it publicly.

00:17:29.920 Ooh.

00:17:30.300 Hmm.

00:17:30.820 That's the thing.

00:17:31.520 I don't know if you've ever done comedy in Germany, but they tell you, you go to do comedy

00:17:35.340 in Germany, you cannot make fun of Nazis.

00:17:38.440 Nazis, you can't, you can't do any of that.

00:17:41.000 Really?

00:17:41.440 Like, you can't make any jokes about it at all.

00:17:44.500 They just don't want to hear about it.

00:17:45.400 They said you could get deported for that.

00:17:47.460 I was like, you mean make fun of it like, like you mean like don't condone it or like 1.00

00:17:52.240 don't make fun of the Nazis because that's what you guys like, fuck with, like you guys 0.99

00:17:55.600 are proud of that. 1.00

00:17:56.820 And he was like, it's up to you.

00:17:58.180 Yeah.

00:18:02.160 It is up to you.

00:18:03.160 It's, yeah, which, which sounds a little bit risque right there.

00:18:07.080 Right.

00:18:07.220 Yeah.

00:18:07.400 Nazi humor is heavily restricted and can be considered illegal for comedians in Germany,

00:18:11.540 especially if it involves Nazi propaganda, symbols or Holocaust denial.

00:18:15.180 Right.

00:18:15.540 Due to strict laws prohibiting such content.

00:18:17.720 Huh.

00:18:18.220 Yeah.

00:18:19.160 Yeah, dude.

00:18:19.960 Oh, you know who was about to go to Germany?

00:18:21.480 Who was, uh, Jim Jeffries is about to go there.

00:18:23.720 Yeah?

00:18:24.140 Yeah.

00:18:24.560 And why, why did, did he go?

00:18:25.780 I think he said that he has issues with audiences there.

00:18:29.020 Like he's selling everywhere in Europe except for some reason, not in Germany.

00:18:32.440 Well, it seems like they don't have the best sense of humor, right?

00:18:35.620 It seems like because they went through a lot and I feel like, but I, when I did my

00:18:41.000 shows there, I did a show in, um, Munich and they were having fun, man.

00:18:46.800 Yeah.

00:18:47.080 They were having fun.

00:18:47.920 You just, you, you know, like, you know, you stay away from the Nazi stuff.

00:18:52.120 You don't make fun of them.

00:18:53.840 And if anything all fails, you, Juden, Juden, which is Jew, do a bit about that. 1.00

00:19:00.080 Really?

00:19:00.460 It's all good.

00:19:01.400 You know, what's interesting?

00:19:01.960 What do you say?

00:19:02.620 Juden?

00:19:03.120 Juden.

00:19:03.940 I, yeah, I was, I was calling myself Juden Foster, like Judy Foster.

00:19:07.620 I was like, Juden Foster.

00:19:08.480 And they were laughing at that.

00:19:09.660 You're like, God, she's not aged well.

00:19:11.660 Yeah.

00:19:12.160 Yeah.

00:19:12.740 She's on hormones. 0.98

00:19:13.600 I do kind of look like a lesbian a little bit, right? 0.99

00:19:15.460 You look like the lambs have been screaming right in your face. 0.99

00:19:18.120 Yeah, bro, I know.

00:19:19.900 Some people will tell me that.

00:19:21.120 Oh, I was thinking Jodie Foster.

00:19:22.460 Jodie, that's what I said.

00:19:23.320 Juden Foster.

00:19:24.140 Oh.

00:19:24.600 Yeah.

00:19:25.240 But I, yeah, Nell from Nell.

00:19:27.120 Remember Nell when she was just like, uh.

00:19:28.860 Bees gonna burn on the green.

00:19:30.740 Her?

00:19:31.140 Born in the world.

00:19:31.740 Nell Carter?

00:19:32.300 Well, no, Nell, Nell, there was a movie Nell where she's raised by wolves.

00:19:36.420 And she just has a full bush. 1.00

00:19:37.900 Oh, I don't like that kind of shit. 1.00

00:19:39.220 You don't like pubic hair? 1.00

00:19:40.140 Huh? 0.99

00:19:40.380 When you had to manipulate all those vaginas before you had this comedy career, though, you had to run 1.00

00:19:45.560 into some bush. 0.99

00:19:46.760 We used to talk about that a lot.

00:19:48.120 I'm not against it.

00:19:49.400 I believe in, like, if I were a time traveler or something, yeah.

00:19:52.280 Right.

00:19:53.000 I'd get used to it, you know?

00:19:56.320 Because it's only recently.

00:19:58.040 How long did women have bushes for? 1.00

00:19:59.800 It's hundreds of thousands of years.

00:20:01.260 The whole thing about women not having bushes just started recently. 1.00

00:20:04.360 That's the thing.

00:20:04.900 And who knows what the effect of that is on children.

00:20:08.580 Yeah.

00:20:09.420 Also circumcisions, too.

00:20:10.540 Like, you can cut the foreskin straight off your son's piece, and that's kind of a new thing.

00:20:14.180 You don't know what that's going to do to him. 0.55

00:20:15.880 Oh, they're mailing some of those over to those tech lords in Israel, I think.

00:20:19.600 They're chomping those. 1.00

00:20:20.320 A hundred percent. 1.00

00:20:20.740 Those are fucking gummy bears for those guys. 1.00

00:20:22.860 I was supposed to go to Chicago tonight. 0.99

00:20:24.120 Maybe I'll go to Tel Aviv, baby.

00:20:26.120 Don't go.

00:20:26.540 You have two kids, dude.

00:20:27.520 You don't want anybody getting the wrong idea. 1.00

00:20:29.260 Oh, shit. 1.00

00:20:29.680 And you're jacked. 1.00

00:20:30.460 You're like, oh, this guy's beating three challenges.

00:20:32.100 Yeah, you think so?

00:20:32.900 I had a blueberry muffin today, too.

00:20:34.860 I put protein in everything.

00:20:36.360 Let me see what this says.

00:20:37.180 Women do not stop having pubic hair. 1.00

00:20:39.260 Trends in grooming and styling of pubic hair have changed throughout history, with the 1980s and 1990s bringing a boom in grooming that included styles for being bare.

00:20:47.500 But 2010s and 2020s saw a resurgence of the natural bush style.

00:20:55.540 Yeah, it's definitely interesting that that kind of took on.

00:20:58.680 Who was the first woman to have bare pubic hair? 1.00

00:21:03.740 Like who fully shaved it?

00:21:05.620 Yeah.

00:21:06.460 I mean, that's like the first person that had a convertible open.

00:21:09.180 You're like, what?

00:21:10.860 Yeah, the first person to think to shave that.

00:21:13.740 It is impossible to definitively name the first woman to have fully shaven pubic hair publicly as it was historical practice long before the advent of modern media and documentation.

00:21:22.740 Okay.

00:21:23.280 So it's been around for a long time.

00:21:25.400 Right.

00:21:25.800 In ancient Egypt, Rome, and Greece, for hygiene status and beauty, upper class Roman and Egyptian women, for instance, 1.00

00:21:33.500 use tools like pumice stones, razors, tweezers, and sugaring to achieve hairlessness.

00:21:38.920 Wow.

00:21:39.400 So if you had like a bunch of hair or you had like a 50-pound test rope coming out of there.

00:21:44.980 Yeah.

00:21:45.420 You were.

00:21:46.140 Dude, would you ever shave your head with a pumice stone?

00:21:48.680 Cool.

00:21:49.120 That would look.

00:21:49.700 Dude, do you think he'll shave your head?

00:21:51.600 One day when I have children and once my wife leaves me.

00:21:54.240 Yeah, that's when you'll do it?

00:21:55.160 Yeah, because then I'll go to court for alimony and I'm like, oh, he's not doing good.

00:21:58.020 We got to let him keep a little bit of money.

00:21:59.600 Now, is that full?

00:22:00.420 Is that all your real hair?

00:22:01.640 Oh, yeah.

00:22:01.940 Dude, that's, it's crazy, dude.

00:22:03.680 You got great hair.

00:22:05.080 I've been shedding recently this past like month, dude.

00:22:07.520 Really?

00:22:07.900 Yeah, a lot of times people will shed in like August and September.

00:22:11.760 So you didn't get that in Turkey?

00:22:13.380 That's your natural hair?

00:22:14.400 Now, I've had hair taken out of the back and put into the front once.

00:22:17.200 Oh, good.

00:22:17.640 How did that feel?

00:22:18.380 Spaced in.

00:22:19.500 I don't think I needed it.

00:22:20.880 I think I actually was going through a ton of stress and I lost hair and then it, like a lot of it grew back.

00:22:25.700 Yeah, and I liked it.

00:22:26.460 The way it looks with a hat is pretty good, too.

00:22:28.320 You look good.

00:22:29.140 There's somebody, somebody out there right now, a woman right there out and has bush, has grown out her bush and cut it like that. 1.00

00:22:36.660 A hundred percent.

00:22:37.900 I guarantee there's a lady out there with pin straight pubic hair. 1.00

00:22:41.980 She's probably most likely Asian. 1.00

00:22:43.100 They have the straightest hair.

00:22:44.160 And she's made it into that because she's a fan.

00:22:46.660 You know?

00:22:47.400 That would be nice.

00:22:48.080 Sometimes people come to shows and they'll have like fun wigs on and stuff.

00:22:50.620 Yeah. 0.72

00:22:50.780 Yeah, but if you had a woman that had that just solid hair, I mean, that thing braided and it just like, it looked like a damn, the chin of a professional wrestler, you know, in the 80s or 90s. 1.00

00:22:59.400 And looking at you, I don't know if anyone's, and stop me if anyone's ever said this before, but you have the kind of look, you have a very unique look where you look like you're from the past, but also from the future at the same time.

00:23:09.560 Has anyone ever said that to you or have you ever thought about that?

00:23:12.280 You look, think about it.

00:23:13.700 Think about it.

00:23:14.360 People watch and take a look at Theo.

00:23:15.780 He looks like, you know, obviously like could be in the Civil War, like a Civil War painting from the past, but then he also looks like a woman from the future.

00:23:23.180 Hey, girl. 0.99

00:23:24.380 Right?

00:23:24.960 I like that, yeah.

00:23:26.420 I look like a black woman from the future, dude. 0.95

00:23:28.560 You do.

00:23:29.220 Yo, it looks great.

00:23:30.820 And I'm happy that I'm seeing it now, dude.

00:23:32.300 Hey, sister. 1.00

00:23:33.540 Yeah, bro.

00:23:34.260 This bus is late.

00:23:36.000 Hell yeah, dude.

00:23:36.960 Where's my check?

00:23:38.700 I can't wait.

00:23:39.780 It's crazy, man.

00:23:41.560 I'm happy we're doing this.

00:23:42.680 Oh, dude, we used to have, I remember there would be like this drunk black woman where our school bus would go by. 1.00

00:23:48.460 She would come up and bang on the driver's side, which is not even a door.

00:23:52.200 It's just a window, right?

00:23:53.700 For the driver of the bus.

00:23:54.720 And she'd be like, where's my check?

00:23:56.220 Like, like that lady was like the bus driver was supposed to bring like her government money or whatever. 1.00

00:24:01.500 I was like, what the fuck is going on? 0.99

00:24:02.720 Yeah. 0.99

00:24:02.980 Well, I don't have your check, lady. 0.90

00:24:04.600 She yelled at us. 1.00

00:24:05.400 Kids, we'd be out looking at the window because we'd be curious. 1.00

00:24:07.260 She's like, tell them motherfuckers I need that money. 1.00

00:24:09.660 Right. 0.99

00:24:09.980 And where are you supposed to have money in your pencil case?

00:24:11.900 Yeah, we don't have any money.

00:24:13.160 Yeah, dude, we're kids, man.

00:24:14.560 Yeah.

00:24:14.780 Yo, you want a bologna sandwich with no crust?

00:24:17.140 You think any of us have money?

00:24:18.480 We all got picked up within the same three blocks on this bus.

00:24:21.420 Yeah.

00:24:21.780 Bitcoin hit an all-time high of $124,000 in August, which is pretty wild considering that last year at this time it was about $60,000.

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00:26:47.140 Legendary move.

00:26:48.360 Just like the buy one, get one free deal on Sonic Smashers.

00:26:52.160 Offer valid once a week in the app through 9-28.

00:26:55.320 Gotta hurry.

00:26:56.660 Offer ends 9-28. 0.99

00:26:59.460 Oh, damn, dude. 0.99

00:27:00.980 What's going on, dude? 1.00

00:27:01.860 You have a show coming up at Madison Square Garden.

00:27:05.120 Yeah, well, the theater at Madison Square Garden was supposed to be the arena, but then the ticket sales dictated to go to the basement, baby.

00:27:10.800 That's all right, baby.

00:27:11.460 No, you know what happened?

00:27:12.000 I bit off more than I could chew.

00:27:13.660 About six months ago, I said, they came to me, they were like, oh, a show on September 11th.

00:27:19.360 Ooh.

00:27:20.020 Yeah.

00:27:20.460 That's lit.

00:27:21.120 That's lit.

00:27:21.980 So they said, you know, want to make it a day.

00:27:24.520 So I had done, 2023, I did Radio City and Theater at MSG, back-to-back nights.

00:27:30.460 So they were like, let's try the arena, you know, because I'm from New York.

00:27:33.440 Yeah.

00:27:33.900 And then the ticket sales, they were just not moving.

00:27:38.020 And like everybody, like I had an opportunity, I had a decision.

00:27:41.080 They were like, look, you could either wait.

00:27:42.600 We see a huge increase in ticket sales a week before-ish.

00:27:46.140 That's the way the trends are now for certain people.

00:27:48.720 Or they were like, you could just pull the plug right now and we can move it downstairs to the theater.

00:27:53.040 And I just said, you know what, man?

00:27:54.740 I'm going to, I know me.

00:27:56.180 I know my brain.

00:27:57.040 I know my heart.

00:27:57.780 Stress.

00:27:57.800 I'm going to carry a lot of stress for six, seven months.

00:28:00.220 Let it go.

00:28:00.580 And I said, me doing the arena is definitely a goal and a dream and we'll try again.

00:28:05.260 But a lot of it was just ego.

00:28:06.740 So I was like, move it to the theater.

00:28:08.020 And now the theater is all but sold out.

00:28:10.220 And I haven't stressed about it in six months.

00:28:12.000 And it's going to be amazing.

00:28:12.840 Family's going to come. 0.96

00:28:13.700 And then, you know, I'm going to detonate a suicide vest at the end of it. 0.99

00:28:18.040 Just take everybody down. 0.98

00:28:19.280 You needed some sort of fireworks at the end.

00:28:21.460 Yeah.

00:28:22.060 Also, inviting people into the city on 9-11 is a wild move.

00:28:25.520 It was a wild move.

00:28:26.240 I made a ton of mistakes, but I had a manager back then who had a ponytail.

00:28:30.780 So we were making wild moves back then.

00:28:33.100 So we're not together anymore.

00:28:34.980 He's still my boy.

00:28:36.040 But I was like, yo, dude, because he told me he booked me for this, the arena on 9-11.

00:28:40.360 And then he told me to hold 5 p.m. the same day open because he thought I could do 15,000

00:28:44.320 seats at a stadium in Forest Hills, Queens.

00:28:47.100 So he thought I could sell 30,000 tickets.

00:28:49.580 And I sold like 2,000.

00:28:51.560 But he said it.

00:28:52.400 But when he was saying it to me, it was crazy because he was like, you know, obviously on

00:28:55.020 Coke.

00:28:55.660 And he had the ponytail and the glasses on.

00:28:57.640 And he was wearing bathing suit shorts and like a button up top.

00:29:00.900 And it was December.

00:29:01.700 And he was eating a fruit cup.

00:29:02.680 Yeah.

00:29:02.940 And he was eating a fruit cup.

00:29:03.820 And he was like, you could do it, baby.

00:29:05.660 He was like, I know you could do it.

00:29:06.820 I know you could do it.

00:29:07.520 So you get pumped up.

00:29:08.460 And then he put me on this arena tour and then we have to cancel them all.

00:29:11.760 Yeah.

00:29:12.880 So I like him.

00:29:13.860 I respect him for really, you know, swinging.

00:29:16.000 But, you know, we have the same agent. 0.97

00:29:17.120 But my agent was like telling me from the beginning, he was like, this is a dumb idea. 0.93

00:29:20.540 And I said, dude, look at him. 0.96

00:29:22.380 He knows what he's talking about.

00:29:23.280 Look at his ponytails.

00:29:24.840 Sleek.

00:29:25.360 He uses herbal essence.

00:29:26.860 And then our agent was like, all right.

00:29:28.980 Dude, the guy has two barrettes in him.

00:29:30.380 Yeah.

00:29:30.660 Come on, dude.

00:29:31.240 I was like, look at him.

00:29:32.120 He wears a child's headband.

00:29:34.060 Yeah, dude.

00:29:34.680 This guy is legit.

00:29:36.140 I said, I might fire you and hire him.

00:29:38.220 And then after a week of the Tank of Tales, your agent was like, pull it.

00:29:42.460 Pull it, dude.

00:29:42.940 Yeah.

00:29:43.220 And then he was like, fire the master.

00:29:45.300 Yeah.

00:29:45.620 So we're still cool, that guy.

00:29:47.460 And I hope he's still alive.

00:29:49.820 That's amazing, dude.

00:29:50.500 But I'm at the theater there.

00:29:51.880 And then, but you know what, man?

00:29:54.020 It's one of those things.

00:29:55.840 And my little daughter taught my, well, my older daughter, my 10-year-old, because I was

00:29:59.980 a little bummed about this because I was a big moment in time for me.

00:30:02.780 I was like, oh, daddy's going to get to do the arena.

00:30:04.220 I almost wanted to do the arena at MSG because it would almost set me free because that was

00:30:09.700 my only real goal I've ever had to do comedy.

00:30:12.080 A lot of guys, you know, girls, babies, they do comedy for all their different reasons.

00:30:16.320 My only reasons I ever left my physical therapy job was to do the arena at MSG and to have

00:30:21.080 a sitcom about my father.

00:30:22.360 Those are the only things I've ever cared about.

00:30:24.300 So I almost felt like if I could get that one, it would almost set me free because the

00:30:27.400 everyday stress of this, of this career, sometimes, you know, it plays with you.

00:30:33.460 Because you had the sitcom, right?

00:30:34.820 Well, I had a sitcom pilot.

00:30:36.260 So, but I'm hoping, I still, I have one in development now.

00:30:39.040 So I'm hoping that I could get that one and just fulfill at least one of the two and then

00:30:43.600 set the sights on the arena because I don't, I don't know that I'm a guy that does stand

00:30:48.180 up forever.

00:30:49.080 I'm not, I'm already mentally being like, it's, it's very difficult for me to go on the road

00:30:53.040 and be away from the family.

00:30:54.040 When I started this, I didn't have a family, but now that I do,

00:30:57.400 I'm like, man, this weighing, so I'm looking for real opportunities to just stay in New

00:31:01.580 York, you know, that's where I live.

00:31:02.820 That's where my kids are and my wife and kids.

00:31:05.160 So, so, but, so, but my daughter, what she told me was, I guess she had just learned it

00:31:10.300 in school.

00:31:10.720 I was like upset when we had to pull the arena because it was like this whole big, exciting

00:31:14.180 thing for me.

00:31:14.940 Your daughter was upset?

00:31:15.500 Well, my daughter was, well, yeah, because I mean, you know, she's got upset because she 0.98

00:31:18.380 has to tell her friends in school, like my dad's a loser, right? 0.88

00:31:21.800 So she had to say that. 0.83

00:31:22.940 So she told them that, but then she was like, but she said, she said to me,

00:31:27.160 when I was upset about it, she was like, oh, it's all right, daddy.

00:31:29.800 She was like, remember in this life, there's no losses, just learning.

00:31:35.000 And I was like, nice.

00:31:36.760 That's it.

00:31:37.400 Wow.

00:31:37.620 She said that?

00:31:38.400 She's, well, I say my daughter, but it was actually Giannis Papas, who I do the History

00:31:41.620 Hyenas podcast with, but he looks like my daughter.

00:31:44.600 Oh yeah.

00:31:45.320 That's what's up.

00:31:46.180 Yeah.

00:31:46.660 Because my daughter looks like Marisa.

00:31:48.360 Oh.

00:31:49.720 That's it.

00:31:50.580 That was our first verse.

00:31:51.660 She went, that's it.

00:31:52.620 Yeah.

00:31:54.000 So me and Giannis, we got the History Hyenas pod.

00:31:56.520 And so.

00:31:57.660 It's back.

00:31:58.100 It's back, bro.

00:31:58.980 We came back about a year ago.

00:32:00.780 I see.

00:32:01.160 Him and I, him and I, you know, we, we, we kissed and made up.

00:32:04.840 Well, we 69'd each other.

00:32:06.300 And then, and then, and dude, this has been some of the most fun I've had doing comedy

00:32:10.780 again, because it's, it's, it's, you know, you're talking with your, with your friend

00:32:14.320 about history, what I love.

00:32:15.820 Oh yeah.

00:32:16.140 In New York city, which I love.

00:32:17.600 And it's a place for me to stay in New York.

00:32:19.040 And we really just have a lot of fun doing the History Hyenas.

00:32:21.620 Oh, and he's so smart.

00:32:22.940 Oh, that, well that, I learned.

00:32:24.340 That's the thing.

00:32:25.200 I like sitting next to someone where I'm actually learning and laughing.

00:32:28.620 So.

00:32:28.900 That's it.

00:32:29.460 That's it.

00:32:29.920 I mean, the, really the premise of the show is, you know, we talk about a history topic,

00:32:32.620 but he typically knows much more than I do.

00:32:34.580 And I'm kind of learning through him and pepper and jokes and all that stuff.

00:32:37.920 But it's, it's great.

00:32:39.620 And, uh.

00:32:40.200 Yeah.

00:32:40.340 Just getting to see you guys back together is great.

00:32:42.040 Also just being like, I mean, I think you definitely realize as you get older, it's like, you

00:32:46.980 know, having some connectivity, being around your friends is like one of the best things.

00:32:50.620 And this is out every week.

00:32:52.100 Every single week.

00:32:53.060 We, we come out every Thursday.

00:32:54.760 Awesome.

00:32:55.140 And my message is, is if, if me and Giannis could patch it up Israel, Palestine, so can 0.98

00:32:58.860 y'all.

00:32:59.340 I saw the tagline actually for History Hyenas now. 0.96

00:33:02.540 It says two chat GPT sluts. 1.00

00:33:04.840 Yeah. 0.99

00:33:05.900 Cause it used to be two Wikipedia sluts, but. 0.98

00:33:08.920 That come see history in a different way. 0.67

00:33:10.920 Yeah.

00:33:11.140 That come see history in a different way.

00:33:13.320 Two chat GPT sluts that come see history in a different way. 1.00

00:33:16.980 Yeah, dude.

00:33:18.000 And on our, on our Patreon, I don't know if you guys do Patreon here, but on our Patreon,

00:33:21.980 dude, like we've, we've just been, him and I have been going crazy because basically, you

00:33:28.760 know, when we first did this show, the rules on YouTube were different, right?

00:33:33.380 Like in 2017, 18, 19, YouTube wasn't as strict as it is now.

00:33:37.580 So we almost are kind of feeling like the show that we used to do for free on YouTube is,

00:33:42.300 can only exist on the Patreon.

00:33:43.640 And the show we do on YouTube is definitely dope, but we are like, man, dude, we, we came

00:33:48.240 out and we put out these episodes that we thought were good and YouTube just kept dinging us.

00:33:51.800 Yeah.

00:33:52.020 So we were like, yo, now we got, we can only have fun on the Patreon.

00:33:54.320 But you know, for me, man, it's, it's, it's, I'm solely focused.

00:33:59.360 Like I have, I never had goals in this and I never, I was always flying by the seat of

00:34:03.420 my pants really for my whole life.

00:34:04.840 But now I'm like so laser focused on anything I can do to stay in New York city and make

00:34:10.660 as many of pick up and drop offs with my kids as possible.

00:34:14.080 That's what I'm looking for.

00:34:15.120 So like the idea, even if you, you know, somebody came to me and said, I'll give you X amount

00:34:18.720 that'll change your life financially, but it's a world tour.

00:34:20.920 I would say, no, I would say I can't do it.

00:34:22.880 Time has literally become more valuable than money to me right now because of my, because

00:34:27.980 I think my kids reach that age where I'm like, oh, when they're little, it's one thing, but

00:34:32.460 when they're older and you're missing everything, you're like, oh, okay, hold on, hold on.

00:34:36.460 What's the priorities here?

00:34:37.380 And you like the kids.

00:34:38.580 Like I think if the kids hit four or six years old and you're like, uh, uh, yeah, I got

00:34:43.680 a buddy, his son, right?

00:34:45.720 And bless him, bless him.

00:34:47.180 Benjamin, that's my buddy's name. 0.99

00:34:48.380 And his son, he named his son fucking Benjamin. 1.00

00:34:51.020 I'm like, you fucking loser. 1.00

00:34:51.940 He didn't even think about it. 1.00

00:34:53.200 What a dick. 1.00

00:34:53.860 He didn't even think about it. 1.00

00:34:54.640 The wife was unconscious or whatever, because the birth was, it's a black guy. 1.00

00:34:58.500 And he's like, yeah, it was a hot birth.

00:34:59.800 And he's like, just give him Benjamin, you know?

00:35:01.840 And he goes, and I'll change my name.

00:35:03.560 And the nurse's like, no, you don't know, that's not how you do it.

00:35:05.920 Like he thought you could do it.

00:35:07.400 Like if he names a kid, Benjamin, then he's not Benjamin anymore. 1.00

00:35:10.360 I'm like, this fucking guy should not have a kid. 1.00

00:35:12.060 Right. 1.00

00:35:12.580 But yeah, he's at the point now he's like, dude, me and my kid have nothing in common.

00:35:16.500 I'm like, dude, it's not how it, it's not like you got put with a roommate.

00:35:20.320 Like your first year at like nickel state or something.

00:35:23.760 I mean, you're just doing your, you know, you have to be the leader in the relationship,

00:35:27.700 but, but yeah, I think if you get to a certain point and your kid is just like, you know,

00:35:32.640 he's not doing, at least pulling a little bit of weight, it's gotta be kind of tough.

00:35:37.300 Well, that's the thing.

00:35:37.900 Well, like I said, my daughters are, you know, they're motivated.

00:35:41.160 As I said in the beginning of the show, I mean, my four-year-old has got, you know,

00:35:44.960 a point of view she calls legitimate says I'm racist against Latinos.

00:35:49.840 And I call ice on my own family for me.

00:35:51.940 It's country first.

00:35:52.540 And I trust, I loved, I mean, every password on my phone, on my key lock, any, you want

00:35:56.560 to break it to my house or break it to anything I own.

00:35:58.500 You want my bin, my bank pin password.

00:36:01.260 You know what the only four digits that it would ever be.

00:36:03.500 You know what they are.

00:36:04.300 Zero, zero, zero, zero.

00:36:05.920 1776, baby.

00:36:07.060 The year of this country.

00:36:07.780 And my daughter, my little one takes that. 0.89

00:36:10.160 And then my older one, you know, like I said, she's more Latina, extortion, extortion, gang 1.00

00:36:15.980 violence, things like that.

00:36:17.020 And they are, and they've picked lanes, which I really respect and love.

00:36:20.880 I like that.

00:36:21.600 Look, and then, and then, but there is a little division because obviously the older one is,

00:36:25.860 is pro Palestine and the little one's pro Israel. 1.00

00:36:27.860 I like that shit. 1.00

00:36:28.640 Yeah. 1.00

00:36:29.200 Well, I think here's one thing, dude, is a lot of like Latinos too.

00:36:32.560 I saw, I actually, actually one of your daughters sent me a picture and the, the pro ice one.

00:36:37.780 Yeah.

00:36:37.980 But she's had a tattoo on her back and said, this ice don't melt on me.

00:36:41.420 Yes.

00:36:41.980 You know, for real.

00:36:43.440 It's crazy, right?

00:36:45.240 It's very risque.

00:36:46.320 But you know what, dude, but you, that bro, you know, it's crazy.

00:36:49.080 We've been doing this for like roughly an hour and you've said risque three times and three

00:36:52.620 different contexts, which I respect and like about you.

00:36:54.880 And I've always liked that about you.

00:36:56.340 Well, first of all, risque also was a urban girl that I went to high school with.

00:37:00.480 And I hope she's doing well.

00:37:02.020 Risque Wilson.

00:37:02.920 There was two kids that I went to high school with their names.

00:37:04.660 They were brothers.

00:37:05.180 The names were majestic and scientific map.

00:37:08.660 Nuh-uh.

00:37:09.180 Yeah.

00:37:09.800 Well, I didn't go to school with them, but they play basketball in a school around the

00:37:13.160 time I was playing basketball.

00:37:14.000 And those are two interesting brothers names.

00:37:15.900 I love that.

00:37:16.600 You like that?

00:37:17.320 Yeah.

00:37:17.520 I just love that.

00:37:19.300 Uh, I think in black culture, anything could be your name.

00:37:23.020 That's true.

00:37:23.440 Like we get like one out of about 110 names.

00:37:26.000 Yeah. 1.00

00:37:26.320 But in black culture, it could be, it's fucking. 1.00

00:37:28.960 Dude, the guy in the Jets was named DeBrickshaw. 1.00

00:37:31.180 Yeah.

00:37:31.740 DeBrickshaw Ferguson.

00:37:33.000 His first name was DeBrickshaw.

00:37:34.400 I met a girl, her, uh, her son was named No Dante, right?

00:37:39.540 She's like, I was going to name him Dante, but I knew he was going to be misbehaving.

00:37:42.540 So I wanted to put no in front of me.

00:37:45.120 Yo.

00:37:45.440 I'm like, that's freaking amazing.

00:37:46.500 That's genius, man.

00:37:47.540 Um, let's talk a little bit about what's going on in New York.

00:37:50.860 I know right now you guys have mom Donnie. 1.00

00:37:52.780 Do you think he'll be able to, he's running for mayor, right?

00:37:54.860 He's probably going to win too for mayor.

00:37:56.300 He is.

00:37:56.740 Wow.

00:37:56.840 But that's why I've packed up and left New York city.

00:37:58.740 Really?

00:37:59.260 Well, I live in the suburbs.

00:38:00.800 Okay.

00:38:01.100 So you've already left.

00:38:01.980 Yeah.

00:38:02.160 What's that heat up there?

00:38:03.440 Like what's like, what's going on?

00:38:04.960 Do you notice any of it in the air or not?

00:38:06.540 Um, I think, um, mom Donnie, you notice that people are starting the New York post,

00:38:15.080 which is the only one I mess with the New York post really goes after him hard.

00:38:20.380 Oh, they do.

00:38:20.860 So there's a little bit of fear mongering, I think amongst the media.

00:38:24.940 Um, I do think that he probably has good intentions, but I think like most of us think is that,

00:38:33.320 you know, New York city is a city that you need millionaires and billionaires.

00:38:36.760 And if you drive them all out with the tax, with the tax hikes, then you're just going

00:38:42.300 to lose the, the city.

00:38:44.280 So I think that's the fear.

00:38:45.560 I think I understand what he wants with, you know, people should pay their, everybody should

00:38:49.840 pay more fair taxes.

00:38:50.760 I'm all with that.

00:38:51.580 But he, you know, he has an idea of like raising the millionaires tax millionaires,

00:38:56.540 billionaires, like to like a level that they're just, cause I know people, it's easy for people

00:39:00.340 to say, Oh, but they have so much money.

00:39:01.800 It's like, yeah, but that's their mindset, how they got so much money.

00:39:04.840 They never thought like that.

00:39:05.860 So you're not going to change some like 55 year old white dude's mindset.

00:39:09.880 Like he's about that money.

00:39:11.420 So if you want him to stay and keep contributing to the tax burden, you got to make it appetizing

00:39:16.760 for him, or he's just going to go to Florida or Tennessee or somewhere else or she or they.

00:39:21.740 Well, let me establish him a little bit.

00:39:22.780 So Zoran, he is, what ethnicity is he?

00:39:25.900 Pakistani, I think is he or Indian?

00:39:28.540 Zoran.

00:39:30.180 You don't want to mess that up because Pakistan and India are. 1.00

00:39:32.640 We don't want to mess with the Zoran. 1.00

00:39:34.220 You don't know.

00:39:35.500 No way.

00:39:36.760 Oh yeah.

00:39:37.000 There's mom, Donnie.

00:39:37.720 He was born in Kampala, Uganda.

00:39:41.020 Yeah.

00:39:41.500 To an Indian family.

00:39:45.420 Okay.

00:39:46.040 Zoran Mamdani, the democratic nominee for New York city mayor and current assembly member

00:39:50.680 centers his politics on affordability, social security nets, freeze rents on rent stabilized

00:39:55.360 units and triple affordable housing construction aiming for 200,000 new units in 10 years, increased

00:40:01.500 enforcement against exploitive landlords and establish an office of deed theft prevention

00:40:05.960 for homeowners, especially in black and Latin X neighborhoods, alphabet city, double funding

00:40:11.560 for public housing preservation.

00:40:13.420 Yeah.

00:40:14.240 Distribute baby baskets with essential goods and resources to all New York city parents,

00:40:19.060 increased New York city minimum wage to, increased New York city minimum wage to $30 an hour

00:40:22.920 by 2030.

00:40:23.540 So he definitely kind of has this like, uh, for the little man.

00:40:29.700 Yeah.

00:40:30.200 That's what he's thinking about for the little man, which I respect, but I just don't know

00:40:33.880 if New York city is this city for it.

00:40:36.080 I just, I don't know.

00:40:37.260 I honestly don't.

00:40:38.140 The thing is, I really don't know.

00:40:39.940 All this stuff is above my head.

00:40:41.980 Yeah.

00:40:42.220 I've just, I've just left the city.

00:40:43.980 All right.

00:40:44.320 So you're out.

00:40:44.820 My, well, well, because do you think the city changed over time?

00:40:47.320 My girl wanted to leave and she's Latina. 1.00

00:40:48.820 You know, that's the thing is like, people think, I think people think like, oh, you 0.96

00:40:53.020 know, the media has made everyone think like that white people are just the worst.

00:40:56.520 And we're the only ones who, you know, don't want this or that. 0.92

00:41:00.420 But it's like, yo, the Latinas, bro.

00:41:02.240 If you've ever put like a Google translate at a Puerto Rican barbecue, woo.

00:41:06.900 They're unhappy.

00:41:08.000 I mean, bro, you think you'd be like, okay, send you a Hitler.

00:41:11.220 Oh, like, you know what I mean?

00:41:12.500 Like they, they go in against Israel or everybody.

00:41:17.340 Oh, they, oh, they, so everybody.

00:41:18.820 Everybody catches it from the Latinos. 1.00

00:41:20.520 Oh, the Latinos have a lot of, uh, they have some racism a little bit. 1.00

00:41:24.000 Oh yeah.

00:41:24.480 Oh yeah.

00:41:24.920 Oh yeah.

00:41:25.400 That's good to know.

00:41:26.080 Cause you kind of don't know if they do sometimes.

00:41:27.800 They do.

00:41:28.080 Like, you know, there's like black and Latino gang violence. 0.73

00:41:30.800 Yeah.

00:41:31.240 But you don't hear much about it otherwise, you know?

00:41:33.640 But that's good.

00:41:34.160 Dude, yeah. 1.00

00:41:34.180 Black guy, old school black guy is very racist. 1.00

00:41:36.460 Yeah. 1.00

00:41:36.760 Everybody's kind of racist, man.

00:41:38.720 You could, you could, you know.

00:41:39.820 Well, people are tribal too.

00:41:41.460 It's like.

00:41:41.680 That's what it is.

00:41:42.420 Tribalism.

00:41:42.740 Everybody wants to make it all right. 0.99

00:41:44.320 It's like, you know, there's like, there's like a lot of black crime. 1.00

00:41:48.800 I'm in places.

00:41:49.420 It's like, I'm not racist.

00:41:51.080 Cause I don't want to be in some of those places.

00:41:52.580 I got a friend one time who was trying to get me to come to like, um, this clothing shop

00:41:55.620 that they had. 0.98

00:41:56.540 And there's a lot of crime there and it's young black kids attacking people, stealing, carjacking 1.00

00:42:02.800 and shit. 1.00

00:42:03.380 I'm not, I'm not going or it's like, no, I'm not risk. 0.99

00:42:07.080 It's like, that doesn't make me racist.

00:42:08.680 I just want to preserve my own life.

00:42:10.620 I'm just trying to live baby.

00:42:11.780 But, but I think more and more now from, again, the little sense, just, just talking

00:42:16.660 to people, not on the internet, just like in real life of every race, more people getting

00:42:21.740 sick of it.

00:42:22.280 More people like, yo, let's move past it now.

00:42:24.400 Not everything's got to be racist, sexist.

00:42:26.720 I think the me too, not the me too, the pandemic, I think it like kind of, it hit its fever pitch

00:42:32.620 and now it kind of like broke.

00:42:34.080 And it's just like, people like I'm exhausted by that.

00:42:36.040 Don't, don't talk to me about that.

00:42:37.040 Yeah, I agree.

00:42:37.560 I think people see that it's also like this thing that they try to get like, uh, different

00:42:42.080 political groups to fight over.

00:42:43.400 It's all a smirk. 1.00

00:42:44.520 It's all like, Hey, fight over this shit while everything else disappears. 0.99

00:42:47.940 Like, you know what I'm saying? 0.99

00:42:49.320 So people are getting, starting to get to know about it now.

00:42:51.440 Yeah.

00:42:52.020 So I think it's interesting to have guys that are different, like get it.

00:42:54.940 I'm always the underdog fan, right?

00:42:56.600 Right.

00:42:56.920 I'm always the underdog fan.

00:42:58.600 Um, yeah, well, he's not the underdog though.

00:43:00.220 I don't think, I think it's pretty clear he's going to win.

00:43:02.080 I mean, you got governor Cuomo, um, who, uh, running against him, right?

00:43:05.720 Running against him.

00:43:06.400 Who killed all those people in the nursing home.

00:43:08.040 So he's trying, he keeps trying to get Mom Donnie into a nursing home so he can murk 0.59

00:43:11.720 him.

00:43:12.380 Got Curtis Sliwa, uh, Sliwa, who's got the beret, which I would vote for him.

00:43:16.620 I understand, but I can't, he won't take his hat off.

00:43:19.400 Let me see.

00:43:19.840 Bring up Sliwa on that. 0.96

00:43:20.600 Yeah, Sliwa. 0.98

00:43:21.220 So that's the problem is Sliwa won't take the hat off. 1.00

00:43:23.360 So I can't have you as my mayor with that hat on.

00:43:26.380 You know what I mean?

00:43:27.620 Yeah.

00:43:28.520 Like I just, if he took the hat off, I think he'd get more votes, but he refused.

00:43:31.640 He wears the full suit with that hat on.

00:43:34.120 Oh yeah.

00:43:34.800 And he's kind of like the muffin man.

00:43:36.040 Let's get a look.

00:43:37.000 Let's get a little bit more of him.

00:43:38.120 Can we get some audio on him?

00:43:39.240 Yeah.

00:43:40.240 Lyft and Uber. 0.80

00:43:41.920 And they are constantly being threatened with perverts who come up to them, sexually harass 0.92

00:43:47.880 them.

00:43:48.420 Men for the most part don't have that issue.

00:43:50.540 Pat, I'm in all 350 neighborhoods, all 472 of the platforms in the vast city subway system.

00:43:57.340 I'm the only candidate in this subway every day.

00:43:59.220 What are you talking about? 0.99

00:44:00.260 Do you think he acts like, what is he, the fucking, is he the Lord of DoorDash drivers? 0.97

00:44:06.420 There's no way he's in all those places, dude. 0.98

00:44:09.180 Could you imagine? 0.99

00:44:11.720 He looks like fucking, he looks like Isidore Dash, dude. 0.99

00:44:15.300 He looks like the great chancellor of DoorDashian. 1.00

00:44:19.500 Dude, he, and he's just yelling about perverts and Hoobers. 0.99

00:44:22.120 Dude, they should have a show called Keeping Up with the DoorDashians.

00:44:29.380 Yo, that'd be crazy, dude.

00:44:30.760 We should make that.

00:44:31.400 Should we pitch that?

00:44:32.620 Yeah, well, I think we're pitching our, we just, let's just do it.

00:44:34.860 Let's just do it.

00:44:35.720 Keeping Up with the DoorDashians.

00:44:37.320 And it's just a family that DoorDashes and they're just pissed about it. 0.99

00:44:40.420 They're like, oh, I'm taking these rich motherfuckers on the Upper East Side. 1.00

00:44:43.960 It's fucking like, oh, I just delivered Ben Stiller some tater tots, you know? 1.00

00:44:47.960 They're just fucking pissed at everybody. 0.99

00:44:49.680 They're like, oh, Dershowitz wants his waffle fries shaped into a kid's pelvis, you know? 0.99

00:44:54.500 You're like, that seems a little risque.

00:44:57.000 Yo, this is the fourth time.

00:44:59.080 Risque.

00:44:59.760 Oh, it does.

00:45:00.380 Dude, I love it, man.

00:45:01.560 Keep it going.

00:45:02.400 Thank you.

00:45:02.920 Let's get a counter up there. 0.79

00:45:03.940 Keeping Up with the DoorDashians is a hit show, bro.

00:45:07.380 Wow.

00:45:08.120 See, that's what I'm saying, dude.

00:45:09.180 You think your mind is not there.

00:45:11.740 You keep saying your mind needs these little mental resets.

00:45:15.200 And that's how you're able to get such good bits.

00:45:17.320 And you're taking little breaks, which is what more people should do.

00:45:19.900 You take little breaks.

00:45:21.340 That's what I was saying.

00:45:22.560 This old, that old dude that I was telling you about, about the muffin, who told me he

00:45:25.800 doesn't stress about the muffin.

00:45:26.740 He told me he's 98 years old because he takes little breaks.

00:45:30.020 He was like, oh, when you put your kid in the car seat, put in the car seat, instead of

00:45:33.880 just going right back to the driver's seat.

00:45:35.900 Close the door.

00:45:37.040 Yell some slurs.

00:45:38.060 Right.

00:45:38.560 Breathe deep.

00:45:39.380 Put, drive the car into a garage, shut the door, keep the engine running.

00:45:42.600 And then you leave.

00:45:43.820 No.

00:45:44.200 He said, take a long walk around the car.

00:45:47.200 Take five seconds to breathe and reset.

00:45:50.120 You got your baby safe in the car seat.

00:45:52.100 And then don't just jump right in the driver's seat and start driving.

00:45:55.140 Take five seconds the long way.

00:45:56.900 Find little breaks throughout the day.

00:45:58.320 Yeah.

00:45:58.480 And that's what you do.

00:45:59.080 You take little breaks.

00:46:00.040 I like it.

00:46:00.640 Like reset-cism instead of racism, reset-cism.

00:46:02.900 Reset-cism.

00:46:03.900 Or like recidivism, but it's reset-icism.

00:46:06.580 I like it.

00:46:07.360 You know what I'm saying, dude?

00:46:08.240 Thanks, dude.

00:46:08.720 Get a little reset.

00:46:10.120 Reset.

00:46:10.640 I haven't seen you in like two years.

00:46:13.020 I know, man.

00:46:13.560 It's crazy, dude.

00:46:14.280 I can't believe that it's been that long, you know?

00:46:16.940 I think time just gets like kind of going and then things get kind of hectic.

00:46:21.100 Are you home or you're on the road?

00:46:22.660 Is your goal to stay home like my goal is to stay home?

00:46:25.480 It is now, you know?

00:46:26.860 I've been on the same tour for almost four years.

00:46:28.780 So you're off it now.

00:46:30.060 I have.

00:46:31.320 We're doing a, taping a special in, to New York.

00:46:36.180 Beacon.

00:46:36.820 Beacon.

00:46:37.600 Best theater.

00:46:38.760 You're doing it for Netflix, Al Jazeera, Hulu?

00:46:41.220 Netflix.

00:46:41.860 Nice.

00:46:42.120 I would do it for Al Jazeera.

00:46:42.900 They didn't make an offer, but.

00:46:44.140 Yeah.

00:46:44.440 I'm going to Saudi Arabia.

00:46:45.520 I could hit them up.

00:46:46.400 You're going to that comedy festival?

00:46:47.520 Yeah.

00:46:47.840 Should I have not?

00:46:48.220 Oh, hold on.

00:46:48.760 No, no, no.

00:46:49.080 That's great.

00:46:49.460 Let's get into that in a second.

00:46:51.220 But no, yeah.

00:46:51.900 So we got that coming up.

00:46:52.860 And then, I don't know.

00:46:53.940 Part of me wants to maybe do a show like in Hawaii just so I can also go on vacation.

00:46:57.760 Right.

00:46:58.000 But then part of me is like, I just don't know.

00:47:00.300 Like, I started like, yeah, like lose.

00:47:03.240 I just like recently, like, I just like, I think my nervous system's just shot, you know?

00:47:08.340 But do you like being home, like here?

00:47:10.780 Like, do you like being in there?

00:47:11.960 Or do you like just travel still?

00:47:13.900 No, I do like it.

00:47:14.820 I like being home.

00:47:15.360 And I want to be able to do more creative stuff.

00:47:17.300 Like, you know, I'm trying to see if Drewski wants to do, try to do something together.

00:47:22.440 Right.

00:47:22.600 Me and Spade made a movie that we're going to put out.

00:47:24.600 We're editing right now.

00:47:25.540 So there's a bunch of little things that I'm trying to do, you know?

00:47:27.800 Yeah.

00:47:28.280 Dude, you and Drewski would just do it like Drewski would just be that character.

00:47:32.160 You guys could just be brothers.

00:47:33.420 You could do Keeping Up With The Doordashians as a movie.

00:47:37.360 Yeah.

00:47:37.800 And you two are the Doordashians.

00:47:40.040 I think you want to find a family that likes to Doordash.

00:47:43.160 Right.

00:47:43.420 And it's a family affair.

00:47:44.820 Right.

00:47:45.200 And it's Keeping Up With The Doordashians. 0.99

00:47:46.400 Or it's just like these funny, like, you know, and the baby's in the backseat and he's eating a couple of the tots or something.

00:47:52.740 Yeah.

00:47:53.380 Dude, one of the guys who works with me is actually, I'm doing Chicago tomorrow and he's going to work with me on the show.

00:47:58.880 He does Doordash in his spare time.

00:48:00.340 And there's been multiple times where he's done Doordash orders while I'm on stage.

00:48:04.500 He does his time and then he knows he's got about an hour while I'm up there and he does some Doordash.

00:48:09.540 The kid's hustling.

00:48:10.380 He's told me, too, what the trick is, too.

00:48:11.840 Like, they all eat for free, the Doordash drivers, because, like, you know, when they get hungry, they'll just eat somebody's McDonald's or KFC order and then just kind of never deliver it.

00:48:21.380 And then let them take it up at Doordash.

00:48:24.000 And Doordash will usually just refund their money and then reorder it.

00:48:27.080 But they got they ate the food because it's not up to that.

00:48:29.280 Like he said, there's no system.

00:48:30.880 It's not like they know, oh, this guy, this driver took it.

00:48:34.300 They just line up the Doordash deliveries and you just take it and you take the receipt.

00:48:37.760 No one's checking.

00:48:38.540 No one's, like, scanning you as the driver in.

00:48:41.200 So you can do whatever you want to. 1.00

00:48:42.180 I love that shit. 1.00

00:48:42.940 It's not connected. 1.00

00:48:43.340 That's how you show the man right there, dude.

00:48:45.660 Now, somebody doesn't get fed.

00:48:47.320 Somebody and their kids do not get fed.

00:48:49.100 Right.

00:48:49.560 They're splitting up a yogurt or something at home, which is tough to do, dude.

00:48:54.420 But my boy's point was the drivers don't make any money either.

00:48:57.180 He's making like $8 an hour.

00:48:58.460 So he's like, what about him?

00:48:59.720 Now I got to eat your food.

00:49:01.240 Some people, they love doing Doordash.

00:49:02.700 It's fun.

00:49:03.460 Oh, here's some stats right here.

00:49:04.540 Let me see.

00:49:05.000 A U.S. food survey found that nearly 30% of food delivery drivers, including those on DoorDash, admit to taking a bite of food from customers' orders at least once.

00:49:16.080 Dude, Mark Normand will take a bite out of your food.

00:49:18.280 I've seen him do that multiple times at the Comedy Cellar.

00:49:19.920 Oh, potato skin.

00:49:21.200 Jews.

00:49:22.240 He's the best, dude. 1.00

00:49:23.940 He's the fucking best. 0.99

00:49:25.020 Is he number one or what? 0.98

00:49:26.200 You guys, I think, y'all's personalities in New York are so fun, dude.

00:49:30.420 Louie was just in town.

00:49:31.660 Jim Norton was here.

00:49:32.820 Yeah.

00:49:33.160 Did you have Louie and Jim come on the show?

00:49:34.680 Yeah.

00:49:35.160 Yeah.

00:49:35.740 And it was just like, ugh.

00:49:37.660 Dude, Jim Norton.

00:49:38.780 Jim Norton.

00:49:39.840 I've been, you know.

00:49:40.840 You and I met each other by Jim Norton and Opie.

00:49:42.520 Jim Norton, Opie and Anthony, dude.

00:49:43.800 You would go way back.

00:49:45.680 And then half the people we used to do the show with are dead, bro.

00:49:49.760 Everybody's just dropping dead.

00:49:51.260 Vic Henley.

00:49:51.960 Yep.

00:49:52.560 Chef Carl, Ruiz. 1.00

00:49:53.920 Damn, sucks. 1.00

00:49:55.260 But, you know, rest in peace. 1.00

00:49:57.140 But they, but Jim, dude, he said, this bit, him and Anthony Cumia did this bit.

00:50:04.140 The other day that, oh my, I mean, they, like, reposted.

00:50:08.300 I had to text Jim.

00:50:09.140 Like, I almost crashed my car from laughing.

00:50:11.980 Because, by the way, like, you know, love this pod.

00:50:15.160 But you know how, like, we do this.

00:50:17.100 Like, this is our profession.

00:50:18.840 And even sometimes comedy can't be as cathartic for us as it is for the audience.

00:50:24.120 Because, like, we get stuck in, you know, if you listen to some dope comedian or, like, you laugh.

00:50:30.060 But you're like, man, you kind of have this self-reflection.

00:50:32.900 Like, I should be better, blah, blah, blah.

00:50:34.980 Jim Norton's got a new pod called Jim Norton's Pod Can't Save You.

00:50:40.060 And it's, I listen to it like I'm an audience member.

00:50:44.320 Like, it's my cathartic, like, I wait each week.

00:50:47.160 I listen to the episodes.

00:50:48.560 When they have the episodes on, they had an episode, old school one with Colin Quinn and Rich Voss.

00:50:52.540 Where it's, like, that old Opie and Anthony energy, like, from the early 2000s.

00:50:57.380 It just hits me in a way where I'm like, oh, this is the gift of comedy.

00:51:00.980 Like, I was going, you know, if you're going through stuff in your life, you're depressed, you're sad, you need to laugh.

00:51:05.160 That's the pod I go to.

00:51:06.620 I'm going to start listening to that.

00:51:07.400 Jim Norton Can't Save You.

00:51:08.380 It's one, to me, it's like Jim in all his glory.

00:51:11.120 But this bit, I came across it and I was dying.

00:51:14.600 I kissed my friend's grandmother, which I know is trying to.

00:51:17.020 Oh, right.

00:51:18.200 And it was like, it was like a little peck in our lips.

00:51:21.380 And I'd be lying.

00:51:23.080 Whose lips were thinner and drier?

00:51:25.520 Give a little contest. 0.57

00:51:28.380 I would be lying if I said I wasn't turned on.

00:51:32.180 I was a little turned on.

00:51:33.820 I like the taste of Gerritol.

00:51:37.420 And I couldn't do anything about it because I'm like, you know, then they closed the lid.

00:51:50.900 That's awesome.

00:51:51.960 That's my, you know, I don't know when I said close the lid.

00:51:55.320 I just, it just hit me because I thought the bit was just about kissing his grandma.

00:51:59.080 Oh, 100%.

00:51:59.720 And, and, but that's the kind of humor, you know, that I like.

00:52:03.560 And I used to, it used to be one of those things where, you know, I understand this subjectivity

00:52:08.900 of comedy now and how if I think it's really funny and you don't or vice versa, like that's

00:52:14.560 just okay.

00:52:15.120 Like I used to get upset if I saw not the whole audience laughing or now I'm just like,

00:52:19.780 oh, okay.

00:52:20.480 Yeah.

00:52:20.880 That's it.

00:52:21.720 Comedy can't be for everybody.

00:52:23.540 Everybody's comedy can't be for everybody all the time.

00:52:25.980 So I'm accepting of that now.

00:52:27.960 Yeah.

00:52:28.300 It's just like, this is where I'm, yeah.

00:52:29.460 If I'm still trying to make something for everybody, then that's not going to be great.

00:52:32.180 Trying to just be true to myself the best I can.

00:52:35.280 Yeah.

00:52:35.500 But those guys are, I mean, those guys are funny at a level that's way funnier than I

00:52:40.820 feel like, I mean, way funnier than I'll ever be and way funnier than I think we are

00:52:45.580 now.

00:52:45.960 I think you always feel like the generation before you is funnier.

00:52:48.660 Well, like if you sit at the comedy cell and you ever get stuck at the back table with

00:52:52.420 Jim Norton, Colin Quinn, Rich Voss, those guys, and they start hammering jokes and then

00:52:56.840 it comes to you and you nine times out of 10, I don't have anything to say.

00:53:00.940 Yeah.

00:53:01.240 And then you just get abused and it real, and you realize, Hey, with this game, it's a ticket

00:53:05.780 sales, money, fame, fortune, all those things are whatever though.

00:53:08.980 There's a part of it.

00:53:09.760 That's great.

00:53:10.120 But it's like just pound for pound fun.

00:53:13.100 I've never seen a group that can hit it like those guys hit it.

00:53:16.220 I just, I've never seen a group that, that nineties, two thousands, tough crowd, New

00:53:20.300 York.

00:53:20.900 Keith Robinson.

00:53:21.880 Yep.

00:53:22.200 Keith Robinson, all those guys, old school, Nick DiPaolo, Patrice O'Neal passed away.

00:53:26.240 You know, I never met Patrice, but he, he, he was, you know, obviously amazing.

00:53:31.060 Geraldo, those old school New York guys.

00:53:33.480 Can't even imagine.

00:53:34.320 Yeah.

00:53:34.540 Cause there was a time where I was like, you know, people, you know, you.

00:53:37.740 And Schumer was in there.

00:53:38.800 She was so funny.

00:53:40.120 She was with that crew.

00:53:41.000 Yeah.

00:53:41.300 I mean, she was so good.

00:53:44.460 You know, and now I feel like with comedy, I feel like, um, you know, it's just, it's

00:53:50.340 things, things are different now.

00:53:51.540 And I just feel like got to just do it.

00:53:53.880 You know, we have like these niche little audiences.

00:53:56.640 I'm, I've, I've convinced myself at times to try to be happier with less.

00:54:01.620 You know, I'm trying, try to.

00:54:03.220 Dude, I was getting a massage the other day and, and it was by a man.

00:54:07.540 I prefer a man a lot of time.

00:54:09.200 A hundred percent.

00:54:09.560 I don't like.

00:54:10.560 But does he, he doesn't do the happy ending though.

00:54:12.640 You don't go that far with the guy. 0.99

00:54:13.760 I don't let anybody have any, I'm not driving across town so some loser can jerk me off when 1.00

00:54:17.880 I can do it myself at home. 0.98

00:54:19.200 I'm not going to do it.

00:54:20.660 And no offense.

00:54:21.520 If you're a masseuse, you're not a loser or whatever.

00:54:23.280 I don't mean that.

00:54:24.180 I just mean like the places I go, it's not like nobody's been to a school or like in a

00:54:28.900 beauty school. 0.96

00:54:29.840 You know, there's not a hot rock in the room unless it's fucking, unless it's in an eight 0.99

00:54:33.820 ball in somebody's pocket. 1.00

00:54:34.980 You know, there's no, it's not that kind of shit. 1.00

00:54:37.260 It's just like the light bulbs kind of working and somebody will fucking run up your back. 0.99

00:54:41.420 You don't know if it's a bug or a little Vietnamese woman, but it helps you relax. 1.00

00:54:45.140 Same thing.

00:54:45.880 Yeah.

00:54:47.100 No, I'm kidding.

00:54:49.700 And then I don't know.

00:54:51.200 No, dude, I had an uncle who fought in the war. 0.99

00:54:53.200 Oh, dude, I don't give a shit. 0.99

00:54:54.880 I haven't decided what side I'm on. 0.99

00:54:56.640 Right.

00:54:57.000 But here's the thing.

00:54:57.740 It's like, okay.

00:54:58.360 I went in there and the guy, I paid him up front.

00:55:01.440 This guy's such a great guy.

00:55:03.160 And I go to two massage places.

00:55:04.820 There's one in, um, in Westwood that I go to in Los Angeles.

00:55:09.240 It's called Siri foot spa.

00:55:11.700 And it's amazing.

00:55:12.900 And then there's one in Nashville that I go to called crest foot spa.

00:55:16.460 Nice.

00:55:17.040 Why did it have to be a foot spa?

00:55:18.540 Like, what is that about a foot spa?

00:55:20.040 Cause you just get the feet done?

00:55:21.340 No, but I'm just saying if they'll get into your feet, they'll get into the rest of you.

00:55:24.400 That's true, dude.

00:55:25.280 You know what I'm saying?

00:55:25.740 If you start with how, you know, they say you don't know a man until you walk a mile in his shoes.

00:55:30.180 But if you're able to knuckle the history out of a man's feet.

00:55:33.360 100%.

00:55:33.680 Then you know a man.

00:55:34.960 Yes, sir.

00:55:35.420 My toes, I got my toe next to my big toe just crosses over like that.

00:55:39.740 They're called hammer toes.

00:55:40.760 And I was telling my wife, I was like, I need a paternity test on that baby.

00:55:44.540 And I was saying it like that.

00:55:45.800 While she was giving birth, I was like, I need to know that man.

00:55:48.700 Oh, for sure.

00:55:49.340 Yeah.

00:55:49.700 And she, and I kept saying that.

00:55:52.360 And then, and then they slapped me.

00:55:54.520 She slapped me, my girl, in the middle of the childbirth.

00:55:58.240 And she was like, look at that baby's feet. 0.99

00:56:00.560 Right.

00:56:00.800 And then my daughter has the same toes as me, dude. 1.00

00:56:03.660 They're crossed over.

00:56:05.200 With Saeed.

00:56:06.440 I like that.

00:56:07.420 But so my daughter, so I feel bad because my daughter, because my wife's feet are very flat.

00:56:12.300 Like a Princess Fiona foot.

00:56:14.060 And then my toes are crossed over.

00:56:16.240 And I'm just hoping that my daughters don't have a mix of both our feet. 0.92

00:56:18.900 Because girls should have nice feet. 1.00

00:56:20.260 Guys, it doesn't matter if your feet are.

00:56:22.320 My feet look like, my feet look like they're on the wrong leg.

00:56:26.120 Like my right foot's on my left and my left foot's on my right.

00:56:28.780 That's what it feels like.

00:56:30.460 Yeah, you got toes in different area.

00:56:31.900 Yeah, it's bad.

00:56:34.560 Yeah, somebody gives you directions. 1.00

00:56:35.980 You're still fucked. 1.00

00:56:37.060 Yeah, my feet will go the wrong way. 1.00

00:56:40.080 It's like, you never get like wet your iPhone.

00:56:42.000 And it's like, you're hitting a thing and it's going over there.

00:56:44.040 That's what my feet are.

00:56:45.440 They're like wet iPhones.

00:56:46.800 Yeah, you're like soaking your feet in rice at night.

00:56:48.640 Yeah, yes.

00:56:49.700 Trying to get them calibrated.

00:56:51.300 Yeah, dude.

00:56:51.780 But yo, I need to start working on the massages and the care part of my-

00:56:58.700 You got to do it, man.

00:56:59.320 Can't just go in and do push-ups, pull-ups, and sit-ups at our age.

00:57:01.800 So anymore, it's like, you need the care.

00:57:03.760 You need a massage a week, is it?

00:57:05.480 Is that what the numbers are for you?

00:57:06.980 Yeah, and I'll do too.

00:57:07.200 Like right now, this week, I'm trying to get extra.

00:57:08.940 When it's just like, I got a couple busy weeks coming up.

00:57:11.480 And so I just got to, like now's the time I got to tap in and just see if I can, you

00:57:14.980 know, make sure I'm taking care of myself.

00:57:16.300 And I'm fortunate enough to be able to do it, right?

00:57:18.120 Like I know some guys, they have families.

00:57:19.940 They're working every day, you know, like, you know, they work like daytime hours.

00:57:24.800 So it's hard to find time to go.

00:57:26.000 So yeah, I just feel lucky that I'm able to go do it.

00:57:28.400 But yeah, I like to go into that joint where it's low key, dude. 0.99

00:57:30.840 They used to have a place in LA, give a due $40, two Viettes would fucking beat the shit 1.00

00:57:36.100 out of you with the fucking nose up. 1.00

00:57:38.180 Vietcongs? 1.00

00:57:38.820 Oh, I don't know. 0.74

00:57:39.720 I didn't see their cocks, but one of them looked heavy. 0.88

00:57:42.820 Yeah. 0.99

00:57:43.160 Or he looked like his stomach was tight because it was moving around a big cock. 0.99

00:57:46.020 You ever see somebody like that? 0.99

00:57:47.000 100%, dude.

00:57:47.860 Like not even in good shape. 0.99

00:57:48.980 You see their abs and like, what the fuck? 1.00

00:57:50.480 And then you see like, oh, he's fucking, he's carrying, you know. 1.00

00:57:53.420 Yeah. 0.99

00:57:53.960 He's got a couple pallets full on him.

00:57:55.920 Kobayashi, the hot dog eating champion, he was always shredded because he had that, you know.

00:58:00.180 He's got that thing on him, you think?

00:58:01.580 He's got that 100%.

00:58:02.320 He's got that Nathan's.

00:58:03.960 Oof.

00:58:04.760 Oh, that Nathan's is long and lean.

00:58:06.800 Yeah.

00:58:07.440 Full of nitrates.

00:58:09.120 There's a reason why UFC fighters always win at Punch Buggy on a family road trip.

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00:59:23.820 Yo, I knew you weren't going to, I knew, I knew you weren't in L.A.

00:59:28.340 You were an L.A. guy, but I knew that you were going to come back home.

00:59:31.900 You did?

00:59:32.140 I knew you were going to come back home.

00:59:33.080 Yeah, because I feel like, I just feel like you, um, you belong here.

00:59:39.880 I'm not from here.

00:59:41.080 No, no, but in the-

00:59:42.040 Oh, in the realm here?

00:59:43.020 Yes.

00:59:43.380 Oh, yeah.

00:59:44.020 Yeah, man, I think you're right.

00:59:45.560 You belong in like a 200 mile radius and it's here.

00:59:49.120 I feel, I feel really nice here.

00:59:51.160 I feel lucky to be here.

00:59:53.040 I feel like we're in a, like, I do feel like Tennessee is like a place that's, uh, it's

00:59:57.940 caring, it feels more normal and it's like, um, and it's fun and it's like, I don't know,

01:00:04.680 everything doesn't feel like it's for sale.

01:00:07.300 Yeah, like it feels there's a, a genuineness to it all here where not everything is about

01:00:13.520 entertainment here.

01:00:14.340 You could, you know what I mean?

01:00:15.700 Like you're an entertainer, but your neighbor's probably not.

01:00:19.040 Yeah.

01:00:19.200 We're in L.A.

01:00:19.600 Your neighbor probably is, or if they weren't at some point, they wanted to be.

01:00:24.000 So it's, it's, it's, it's a tough thing to always be around that.

01:00:27.960 Well, in Hollywood, I think, I mean, Hollywood's even losing a lot of the film industry.

01:00:31.480 Bring up what's causing production to leave Los Angeles.

01:00:34.820 Tax credits, AI, um, earthquakes, tsunamis.

01:00:41.520 Dude, Beverly Hills looks like Saudi Arabia. 0.99

01:00:44.180 Um, let me see.

01:00:45.440 States like Georgia, New Mexico, and Nevada, plus countries such as Canada and the UK offer

01:00:49.800 healthier tax incentives.

01:00:51.000 Uh, the cost of living and operating in Los Angeles has significantly increased.

01:00:55.500 Hollywood endured major strikes because of, and a lot of that's because of greed.

01:01:00.120 Yeah. 0.98

01:01:00.320 Um, the aftermath of COVID-19, which a lot of them helped push through the fucking 1.00

01:01:04.540 celebrities and bullshit. 1.00

01:01:06.480 Yeah. 1.00

01:01:06.580 So it's nice just to see a lot of this shit coming back and to bite people in the ass. 0.99

01:01:10.580 Studios are cutting production budgets and scaling back local projects due to declining 0.99

01:01:14.240 streaming numbers, reduced programming by networks, and a fall in box office revenues.

01:01:19.260 There's wildfires.

01:01:20.860 I mean, yeah, they do.

01:01:22.160 The fact that they didn't even have water in that reservoir, the fact that there's issues

01:01:26.760 with like hundreds of millions of dollars they raised from fire aid, that's not even

01:01:30.360 going to people that it's like, what is even going on?

01:01:33.780 That place just feels like such a scam.

01:01:35.560 Um, and I think people with, uh, heartbeats are starting to kind of realize it.

01:01:39.600 And now I don't mean like, that's just Hollywood.

01:01:41.500 What I'm saying, I'm not talking about the people really that are there.

01:01:44.720 I mean, they know what, who I'm talking about, but it's not like the everyday people that's 0.98

01:01:49.120 just there, that's hustling, that love their neighborhoods and shit. 0.98

01:01:51.460 I'm not talking about that. 1.00

01:01:52.560 Right.

01:01:52.740 Right.

01:01:53.020 Yeah.

01:01:53.200 Yeah.

01:01:53.500 Oh, LA OGs.

01:01:55.300 Yeah.

01:01:55.580 I'm just talking about how Hollywood, how they're losing that industry.

01:01:58.980 And yeah, and maybe some guy like mom, Donnie will come along there and they'll start to

01:02:02.820 like, you know, it'd be nice to see eventually that people that don't have all the means get

01:02:08.600 to have more of the things, you know?

01:02:12.320 Right.

01:02:12.800 Cause it starts to get gluttonous and it starts to get kind of sick.

01:02:15.940 Well, it starts and then you look back at history.

01:02:17.420 That's why I love history so much and do the history pod because you look back at like

01:02:21.320 the French revolution, right?

01:02:23.120 In the 1790s, that's what happened, man, is the wage gap.

01:02:28.600 Started to get crazy and the rich just kept getting richer and then they just stormed

01:02:33.100 the Bastille and they cut off the King and Queen's head, Marie Antoinette, let him eat 1.00

01:02:37.220 cake, but she supposedly didn't say that. 0.98

01:02:39.620 Well, she definitely didn't say that, but, and then they cut off the King, King Louis

01:02:43.420 dome piece in the beginning.

01:02:45.240 If you ever seen the movie Napoleon with Joaquin Phoenix, that's the first scene that

01:02:48.460 they show.

01:02:49.240 And that's, that wage gap is starting to broaden just like them days now.

01:02:53.640 Dude, I want to be on a horse with the revolutionaries.

01:02:57.880 Yes.

01:02:58.200 And I know that I've made money in my life now and it's different, but I'll never have

01:03:01.520 money in my heart.

01:03:03.200 And yeah, I want to do some things that towards the end of this year and next year that are

01:03:07.220 going to start to like create ways to like give back, help people like figure things

01:03:11.100 out, you know?

01:03:11.960 You should buy your whole neighborhood solar roofs, solar panel, Tesla roofs.

01:03:16.500 No, people in my neighborhood are fine.

01:03:18.000 They'll be okay.

01:03:18.740 I mean, go buy for the, in the hood then. 0.99

01:03:21.020 They don't, they're going to fucking charge their guns at night. 0.87

01:03:23.760 No, but I think there is great ways, but I don't know. 0.99

01:03:27.780 I thought about going back to my old neighborhood.

01:03:29.020 We got a bunch of cool stuff in the coffers and some of that's just jokes.

01:03:32.000 Um, dude, did you see that Ro Khanna, he's a democratic congressman from California and

01:03:39.880 Thomas Massey, who's like the, who drove here in a truck that he lives in, parked it outside. 0.99

01:03:47.880 I'm in that bitch drinking fucking raw milk with him that he got out of a goat by his 1.00

01:03:51.280 home. 1.00

01:03:51.860 Whoa.

01:03:52.340 Oh yeah.

01:03:52.700 Did you get sick after?

01:03:53.760 I mean, I didn't get well.

01:03:56.140 You know what I'm saying?

01:03:57.320 My eyes wouldn't open that far in the morning.

01:03:59.580 They open, but just not that far.

01:04:01.420 But, um, but anyway, they come up with this petition.

01:04:04.720 Uh, it's a bipartisan effort.

01:04:06.200 It says right here in the U S house of representatives launched in September to force a vote on releasing

01:04:10.760 all federal files related to the Jeffrey Epstein case.

01:04:13.180 The petition takes the form of a discharge petition, which allows a resolution or bill to bypass

01:04:18.840 regular committee procedures and be brought directly to the house for, for a vote.

01:04:23.940 I mean, don't you think it's crazy that they won't release this?

01:04:26.800 What do you like?

01:04:27.540 Do you have a take on what do you think is going on with all this?

01:04:29.880 With the Epstein stuff?

01:04:31.140 Yeah.

01:04:31.280 I mean, it just seems like, how could they not like, does it feel like our government

01:04:36.260 is protecting pedophiles to you?

01:04:38.320 I mean, probably, but again, I don't know.

01:04:41.620 Cause there's so much mismatch.

01:04:43.960 Like there's so many things happening here.

01:04:46.020 So you look here and vice versa that I really don't know because you know, the whole thing

01:04:50.440 was about those missing second or second, uh, one or two seconds of the Epstein, uh, tape.

01:04:56.320 And then they just, the government just released the tape unedited and there's nothing that

01:05:00.300 happens in those two seconds.

01:05:01.520 So there's nobody that came in or came out of it.

01:05:03.840 Now, could there be some more advanced technology we don't even know about that?

01:05:06.660 They're just making things happen probably, but I don't know.

01:05:09.660 I really don't know.

01:05:10.660 So I try, there are times where I find myself going down a rabbit hole of it.

01:05:16.120 And then I try to take myself out and say, how does that, even if they are protecting

01:05:19.900 pedophiles, how does that help me or hurt me in any way, shape or form?

01:05:23.560 It's like, dude, just go make your kid an avocado toast.

01:05:26.640 Yeah.

01:05:26.880 Just go literally try to.

01:05:28.380 Right.

01:05:28.620 Do the next right thing.

01:05:29.620 I just try to, I try to make it small.

01:05:31.660 I try to make my life small now, man.

01:05:33.380 I'm like, yeah, I don't know, dude.

01:05:35.020 I don't know Epstein.

01:05:36.100 I don't know Trump.

01:05:36.760 I've never met these people, so I can't have them affecting my life on a daily basis.

01:05:41.300 I'm like, what are my kids going to do, man?

01:05:43.540 I'm like, you know, like.

01:05:45.120 That's what's important.

01:05:45.860 Should I help?

01:05:46.420 Yeah.

01:05:46.600 How can I help my kids learn?

01:05:48.180 How, you know, we, my stepson can't, you know, he's the way he throws a baseball.

01:05:52.960 It's like, we got to fix that.

01:05:54.460 Oh yeah.

01:05:54.840 You know, my daughter, you know, she throws it.

01:05:57.260 Yeah, dude.

01:05:57.660 She wants to do cheerleading and she keeps falling off the pyramid.

01:06:00.960 So I'm like, you know, man, I want to do, I want to, I want to get into this, but I'm

01:06:05.600 also like, I don't have time, dude, like my, one of my kids is eight years old and still

01:06:09.680 in a diaper.

01:06:10.220 So I got to fix that.

01:06:11.860 You know what I mean?

01:06:13.040 So that's what I do.

01:06:14.120 And either none of us do it or all of us do it.

01:06:16.700 That's what I say.

01:06:17.580 I tell my, you know, I don't tell my kids that I tell my, but I tell my kids other gems

01:06:21.280 where I'm like, do the right thing.

01:06:22.440 Even if nobody's looking, do the right thing.

01:06:24.940 You do the right thing.

01:06:26.020 Even when no one's looking.

01:06:27.580 Like Spike Lee.

01:06:28.820 Exactly.

01:06:29.780 So you do the right thing, even when no one's looking.

01:06:32.020 So, you know what I mean?

01:06:33.080 And that's what my, and that's what my daughter, I think that's what my daughter,

01:06:35.600 what my daughter does.

01:06:36.040 I mean, you know, with the whole ice stuff.

01:06:38.340 Oh, I think it's obviously at least she's involved in, at least she has some political

01:06:42.920 or social awareness.

01:06:44.000 That's what I'm saying.

01:06:44.700 I don't.

01:06:45.320 Right.

01:06:45.540 But you, you have to make time so that they do.

01:06:47.940 Exactly.

01:06:48.500 So I keep the space.

01:06:49.920 I'm going to pivot right here.

01:06:50.960 I want to talk about you.

01:06:54.940 Cause last time you were on, we had an extensive conversation.

01:06:57.300 I think it was Valentine's Day or Valentine's Day was coming up and we talked about love

01:07:00.620 and we literally talked about it for about two hours.

01:07:02.540 You got engaged finally for the second time.

01:07:05.300 Is that right?

01:07:05.680 The second time.

01:07:06.720 First time we did it.

01:07:08.260 It was like, you know, cause we had a baby so quick and I want to do it, but it was really

01:07:12.080 just Catholic guilt wanting to do it.

01:07:14.520 And then, and then we split up for a while and that's what happens sometimes you split

01:07:19.660 up with someone and then, you know, you kind of realize what you got, you know, that saying

01:07:23.660 you don't realize, know what you got until it's gone.

01:07:25.980 And then, so that's what her jazz and I've been together now for Jesus, 11, 12 years.

01:07:32.740 And, you know, we're getting engaged because we got engaged because, you know, we got kids,

01:07:37.440 you know, we got three kids.

01:07:39.200 Yeah.

01:07:39.220 And you're a family now.

01:07:40.180 We're a family now.

01:07:40.960 And I said, what?

01:07:41.880 Like my three kids are two kids.

01:07:43.600 Well, two biological and one extra kid.

01:07:45.720 One extra kid, right.

01:07:46.900 Do you believe, how does love change over time for you guys?

01:07:54.500 How has it changed?

01:07:55.740 Well, I realized that it's not a feeling, it's an action.

01:07:58.420 That's how it's evolved to me.

01:08:00.640 Tell me about that a little bit.

01:08:01.720 You've heard that before that love is an action, but.

01:08:03.300 Wait, like tell me a little more.

01:08:04.280 Meaning like, to me, the first sense that I felt anytime I ever saw, what I felt when

01:08:11.960 I first saw Jasmine, the very first.

01:08:13.560 I remember you told me at a bar, you guys were at a place.

01:08:15.580 It was, yeah.

01:08:16.580 It was a volleyball bar.

01:08:17.720 Yeah.

01:08:18.100 Called Place to Beach in Brooklyn.

01:08:20.380 Yeah.

01:08:20.640 It was a pun.

01:08:21.340 And I, yeah.

01:08:22.280 And then I felt, and they got shut down because they were selling the fake vaccine card.

01:08:27.180 Oh, hell yeah.

01:08:28.640 First of all, dude.

01:08:29.760 Yeah.

01:08:30.160 Yeah.

01:08:31.700 There's nothing like meeting an illegal alien at a fake vaccine card shop. 0.98

01:08:35.100 Yeah.

01:08:35.540 It was amazing. 1.00

01:08:36.240 If your marriage doesn't start out like that in America, then fuck you. 1.00

01:08:39.200 Fuck you. 1.00

01:08:40.100 So, so she, so I felt this feeling like when I saw her, like she like stopped me in my tracks. 1.00

01:08:46.420 Like this like feeling I can't, I still.

01:08:48.300 Like indigestion or something, but in your legs.

01:08:50.320 No, yeah.

01:08:50.580 I thought I was having a heart attack.

01:08:51.680 I thought maybe because me and my boy Pat, we were in like so much pepperoni.

01:08:55.620 And so I was like, oh, maybe it's that.

01:08:58.240 Maybe it's finally catching up to me.

01:08:59.620 A Pepto-Bismol, nothing worked.

01:09:01.280 And then so, and so I realized like, that was like, I thought that was love, but that

01:09:05.820 was more of like an infatuation.

01:09:07.220 That was more of like a lust.

01:09:08.400 That was more like me just taken in by her beauty.

01:09:10.240 Like the, you know, that.

01:09:11.620 Oh yeah.

01:09:11.800 And so that's powerful.

01:09:12.660 That's necessary.

01:09:13.540 And then I went through with that feeling for years thinking like that was love.

01:09:17.440 And then we would have all these problems and I was always looking for something else.

01:09:21.060 I was always pushing her away.

01:09:22.320 Then I'd get close to her.

01:09:23.460 She'd push me away and all these things. 0.59

01:09:25.340 And I realized like, oh, these are just that, that was, that wasn't love.

01:09:28.900 Love to me was in action.

01:09:31.800 What I realized was all these years later that the real love was her and I coming back

01:09:38.780 together after, you know, a big fight, her showing me so much loyalty, me showing her

01:09:43.620 loyalty, her being there for me when the things were not going well for me.

01:09:47.680 And all those things were, that's the love, the action, love is an action.

01:09:52.500 And I, and I see her do that for me because I used to think, I used to think that she,

01:09:59.820 you know, I, I would always be searching in my, my brain being a bit of a perfectionist

01:10:05.380 as, as, you know, we all are, I think in comedy, like we always want everything to go

01:10:08.840 right.

01:10:09.100 I would always saying, oh, you know, she's not, she's not perfect.

01:10:14.640 So I got to, you're looking for something else.

01:10:16.540 Your brain is always like, what's the next best thing?

01:10:18.140 What's the next best thing?

01:10:18.880 And then, you know, at some point to you, you say, okay, I can go get this or get that.

01:10:23.640 And then looking for what's perfect, what's perfect.

01:10:26.280 And then I realized at some point it hit me.

01:10:28.180 I was like, oh, she actually is perfect because she's, she's taking me in from all, all my

01:10:33.380 imperfections.

01:10:34.180 Because she's understanding how imperfect I am and still accepting me anyway.

01:10:38.960 So that's, that is like someone who's perfect because a lot of people wouldn't do that.

01:10:42.200 A lot of people would have just thrown me to the side by now and been like, hey, figure

01:10:45.760 it out.

01:10:46.000 Cause she knows I love my kids.

01:10:47.220 She knows I'm always going to take care of her.

01:10:49.060 Right.

01:10:49.480 You know, so it wasn't about the money.

01:10:50.820 It wasn't about, oh, I need a man on my life.

01:10:53.520 It's about specifically me.

01:10:54.800 She's taking me in from my imperfections.

01:10:56.520 So for me, that, that makes her perfect to me.

01:11:00.060 And after all these years, I've realized that all that and the action of love

01:11:04.120 and, and, you know, what we have with our children and building a family, like there's

01:11:08.300 nothing that your life is happening right now.

01:11:10.860 And I have like a perfect life right now.

01:11:13.060 And I don't live in the zero sum game anymore.

01:11:15.400 It used to be, if my career was down, I'd be unhappy.

01:11:18.860 If, if, if I wasn't feeling in, uh, if I was feeling out of shape, I'd be unhappy.

01:11:23.340 One thing could make it all unhappy because I was playing zero sum.

01:11:26.120 It's either all or nothing.

01:11:26.880 I don't do that anymore.

01:11:27.620 I'll say some things in my life are up and downs.

01:11:30.540 Everybody's life.

01:11:31.100 It's all, it's all in flux.

01:11:32.760 How were you able to adjust that?

01:11:33.840 Like, was there something that happened that made you sort of see that?

01:11:36.000 Cause that's pretty powerful to hear about, man.

01:11:37.560 Cause yeah, I think I, I've, I've certainly had that.

01:11:40.160 Like one thing will affect kind of how I operate for the rest of the day and then, or affects

01:11:44.480 how I think about myself.

01:11:45.560 Well, I think children, that's why it's important, you know, in my life, personally, people do

01:11:50.080 what they want, but for me, uh, abort or your kids, whatever you want to do in New York 0.99

01:11:54.500 sea, you could kill them all up. 1.00

01:11:55.600 I think till they're 18. 1.00

01:11:56.480 I think you can have legal abortions. 1.00

01:11:57.880 That's what AOC said. 1.00

01:11:59.100 Oh, you can send a kid to Gaza and Israel kill them. 0.99

01:12:02.360 Mom, Donnie's going to make it 21. 0.99

01:12:03.640 He said, is he, that's what he said.

01:12:05.200 That's what the platform.

01:12:06.080 Some people are voting for that.

01:12:07.060 You can abortions up to their kids are 21.

01:12:09.340 So, um, but what I felt like, you know, how I learned all that is literally just by like

01:12:15.800 listening to my kids and, and watching what my kids kind of want for me and expect for

01:12:22.020 me.

01:12:22.220 And I, and I realized that, you know, you, you could spend your whole life thinking

01:12:27.380 about, Oh, what's going to happen tomorrow.

01:12:28.820 Always being, you know, always being, um, you know, there's something's better, something's

01:12:34.360 better on the horizon.

01:12:35.220 You can spend your whole life like, and then your whole life goes by.

01:12:37.580 So I realized to like be in the, like, nothing's better to me.

01:12:41.620 Like what's better than, you know, you know, a Lamborghini or selling out a world tour or

01:12:47.040 having sex with the hottest girls, like, you know, just sitting in the grass with your 0.84

01:12:49.960 kids like that. 0.99

01:12:50.980 And it's not for everybody.

01:12:52.360 And I, and also at times it's not even for me at times I'm sitting in the grass with

01:12:55.980 my kids. 0.98

01:12:56.300 I'm like, this sucks. 0.54

01:12:56.960 I want to go drive in the Lamborghini, but the, but it's not a zero sum game.

01:13:00.640 Exactly.

01:13:00.960 But those moments that I do have when I am fully locked in, I'm always chasing that.

01:13:07.160 If I'm chasing one thing, I'm always chasing that with these, I've had feeling throughout

01:13:10.180 my life of being locked in with my family.

01:13:12.980 I've never had a euphoria is like that.

01:13:15.080 I've never been happier than that.

01:13:16.400 And it doesn't happen all the time.

01:13:18.000 At times I'm home, my family trying to say, find that feeling.

01:13:21.040 And I just can't, you know, find it, but I don't beat myself up about it anymore.

01:13:25.700 I'm like, yo, just keep coming.

01:13:27.100 Giannis and I, Giannis talks to me a lot about going back.

01:13:29.740 Life is coming back to the present.

01:13:31.420 Always come back to the present.

01:13:32.920 Always come back to the moment.

01:13:34.060 That's all.

01:13:34.360 That's, that's, that's your job.

01:13:35.700 Come back to the moment as, as much as you can throughout the day, come back to the moment

01:13:39.600 because it's all happening now.

01:13:40.560 I try to be where my feet are.

01:13:41.840 Like there, there was a time when I was talking to you the last time we spoke about love and

01:13:45.780 on Valentine's day, half of my brain was with you.

01:13:48.320 And then half of my brain was probably back home with my kids or, you know, what I was doing

01:13:52.120 after that or my show.

01:13:53.300 But now I'm fully locked in just with you.

01:13:55.440 I, I, I've, that's one thing I have definitely can feel I've gotten better.

01:13:59.140 And I just, I'm where my feet are.

01:14:00.520 I'm fully with you right now.

01:14:02.020 And then when I leave, I'll, I'll fully be with, you know, the driver.

01:14:05.640 And then I'll, and then, you know, when I speak to my family, I'll fully be with them.

01:14:09.080 You know what I mean?

01:14:09.700 And I'll fully be with an Asian dude in the bathroom at BNA airport, baby. 1.00

01:14:14.320 Right.

01:14:14.800 He's got Viet Cong. 1.00

01:14:15.960 The Viet Cong's getting, yeah, I got those camera shoes. 1.00

01:14:19.220 So that's, so that's how I feel.

01:14:20.380 I don't know if I've explained it correctly.

01:14:22.580 Round trip to Saigon.

01:14:23.300 Yeah, Guantanamo Bay.

01:14:25.760 So I don't know if I explained it right.

01:14:27.080 No, I think you did.

01:14:28.040 That's what it is.

01:14:28.960 Well, I think it's funny you said, when you say something that it's like, yeah, I let my

01:14:32.680 mind like, uh, I'll have a thought and then my mind will multiply it.

01:14:37.420 Right.

01:14:37.860 Kind of.

01:14:38.680 I'll have a feeling or one bad thing will happen.

01:14:40.740 Something that's not my favorite.

01:14:42.300 Well, cause the brain is going to go towards connections.

01:14:44.500 Right.

01:14:44.620 That's the connective tissue.

01:14:45.680 That's why they say those mushrooms, uh, or acid, one of them is good.

01:14:49.080 Cause they say it wipes away your opioids.

01:14:50.740 I can't, which one is it?

01:14:51.680 That's what they say.

01:14:52.100 One of them, something on Joe Rogan said that.

01:14:54.000 Yeah.

01:14:54.340 I don't know.

01:14:54.740 But, but that, but that feeling, it's like this thing where I thought, I was thinking

01:14:58.340 about this the other day, like the, you know, like to be happy, me and Giannis were having

01:15:04.980 a conversation about this and he had different feelings, but I was kind of saying like, you

01:15:10.000 know, faith, you got to have faith.

01:15:11.660 Like, you know, people talk about hope and all that, but I feel like faith is, is to me

01:15:15.440 is better.

01:15:15.800 Like it's faith is on a creator and like hope is just, hope is just gay faith. 0.97

01:15:20.280 It's just exactly hope is gay faith. 1.00

01:15:22.500 That's the merch.

01:15:23.660 So faith.

01:15:24.960 So you got to have faith that like tomorrow will be better.

01:15:28.480 So it kind of goes against what I just said, but on the same hand, it's like simultaneously,

01:15:33.180 I think this balance of life is have, have faith.

01:15:36.340 You know, we had to get out of the caves basically as, you know, Neanderthals we were getting 1.00

01:15:40.620 at, you had to get out of the cave, like to go survive and advance and all that.

01:15:45.020 But so it's like, you got to have this faith that there's a better life outside the cave

01:15:48.860 by also acknowledging simultaneously that what you have in the cave is enough.

01:15:52.920 It's a, it's a delicate life.

01:15:54.600 It's just bounce.

01:15:55.480 You know what I mean?

01:15:55.920 Dude, my uncle, he used to tickle us.

01:15:57.700 Right.

01:15:57.940 And the only way we get him to stop, you had to say the N word to get him to stop.

01:16:01.260 Right.

01:16:01.940 Right.

01:16:02.980 That's my, I have the same uncle like that.

01:16:04.400 And the only way you'd say it's not tickle, but you say the N word is the only way to get

01:16:08.640 him to come.

01:16:09.080 Um, so when he asked, cause he wants to give a, you know, like donate a sperm, so he wouldn't

01:16:14.100 be able to do it.

01:16:14.860 The prostate wouldn't work.

01:16:16.040 Nothing. 0.96

01:16:16.380 So, but cause he's got such potent sperm. 0.99

01:16:17.940 So if you yell the N word, he bust a nut. 0.88

01:16:20.160 And then that's how he was able to get back to his community by helping some of the ladies

01:16:24.320 who were infertile make more babies.

01:16:26.240 Oh, you yell the N words to the whites will pop out, you know, they're like, what's going 0.99

01:16:30.060 on out there?

01:16:31.060 Right. 0.98

01:16:31.560 He's black. 0.88

01:16:32.540 Your uncle's black? 0.65

01:16:33.420 Yeah.

01:16:33.880 That's good.

01:16:35.160 I have one black uncle.

01:16:36.340 I actually have a Puerto Rican uncle for real.

01:16:39.740 Um, he passed away. 0.81

01:16:40.820 He was dope, dude.

01:16:41.680 He, um, true story.

01:16:43.640 Somebody robbed my mom coming down the block and they were robbing women, taking their purses. 0.97

01:16:51.120 They took my mom's purse and multiple other ladies' purses.

01:16:53.520 And then they would sell, uh, you know, like, uh, take their money.

01:16:57.400 And it was the running out of the back of a bodega that, you know, they had like steal their

01:17:01.520 money, sell their stuff, whatever.

01:17:03.260 So their license, I don't know.

01:17:04.720 And my uncle would go to that bodega and drink beers and chill.

01:17:08.060 And he heard them talking in Spanish about, oh, they just took this lady's purse.

01:17:11.880 And he was saying like to himself, he's like, oh, I think, I think that's my sister-in-law.

01:17:16.020 Right.

01:17:16.440 So he didn't like this guy already.

01:17:17.640 So they got drunk.

01:17:18.400 And then he brought him, he had a whole, um, craft, like a, like a, uh, uh, like a tool

01:17:23.360 shed in my garage.

01:17:24.960 And he had, uh, he, he took this guy back to the garage.

01:17:28.240 He thought he was just going to drink beers or whatever.

01:17:29.560 And then he tied him up and he put on a welding mask and he welded the skin off his knees

01:17:34.420 for stealing from my mom.

01:17:36.340 And then he gave my mom all her money back and all that.

01:17:38.900 And he had fossilized this guy's knee skin. 1.00

01:17:42.200 Fuck. 1.00

01:17:42.760 Dead serious. 1.00

01:17:43.940 He was crazy, dude. 1.00

01:17:45.660 Fuck. 1.00

01:17:46.020 And he would drive me to school. 1.00

01:17:46.900 I don't know if I want you here anymore.

01:17:47.900 He would drive me to school.

01:17:48.760 He's dead though.

01:17:49.340 That guy.

01:17:49.900 Yeah.

01:17:50.360 I mean, I was a little kid.

01:17:51.440 They didn't tell me until I was an adult.

01:17:53.360 I don't, I feel bad for everybody in that.

01:17:56.360 Right.

01:17:57.340 Yeah.

01:17:57.660 But the guy was robbing purses.

01:17:59.180 He didn't kill him.

01:17:59.880 He just melted the skin off his knees.

01:18:01.520 I think sometimes you got to have some serious measures.

01:18:04.700 Um, yeah, man.

01:18:06.280 I, you know, I like finding that.

01:18:08.260 Yeah.

01:18:08.800 Finding love and committing to it and realizing that the rest of the stuff is distraction.

01:18:13.920 You know?

01:18:14.820 Yeah. 0.95

01:18:15.000 But also too, I mean, I say all that stuff, but I also don't know what the fuck I'm talking 0.96

01:18:18.240 about. 0.97

01:18:18.680 Right.

01:18:18.940 But you know what you're talking about for you and you're trying your best.

01:18:21.160 I don't think you can say that.

01:18:22.360 You know what?

01:18:22.700 You know what? 1.00

01:18:22.960 You seem insane. 0.96

01:18:24.160 No, but you know what I've been realizing too, like just about me.

01:18:27.460 I mean, I, you know, cause I'm only me like there's moments of the day, almost every day

01:18:32.040 where I'll have some like intuitive, I'll say something like so intuitive and tight, but

01:18:38.180 I'll say it like, like only once in a while does that get captured on the camera.

01:18:42.920 Like when I'm supposed to be doing my job here, I'm just babbling.

01:18:46.580 I don't know what I'm talking about, but I'll like get on the plane tonight and have

01:18:51.140 a conversation with the person next to me and it'll be like next level on.

01:18:55.860 And so I, I wonder about that.

01:18:58.040 No, I think people do that.

01:19:00.260 Oh yeah.

01:19:00.880 I have conversations in my head.

01:19:02.120 I'll listen back.

01:19:03.800 Um, I'll, after I get like, I'll be listening to the edit of an episode is watching through

01:19:09.040 and, uh, and I'm like, why didn't I ask that?

01:19:14.340 They should have asked this.

01:19:15.680 That's insane not to ask that right there, but I think it's just where your brain is and

01:19:19.880 what you can handle and what you like do and, and, and take on at the moment.

01:19:23.540 Um, oh, did you see, there's a clip of a woman took a man into the mall and made him walk.

01:19:30.740 He cheated and she made him walk with a sign on. 1.00

01:19:33.840 Do you see that?

01:19:34.540 No, but this is awesome.

01:19:38.900 And this guy has a sign on.

01:19:44.240 It says I had a two year affair.

01:19:46.840 Ask me how it says.

01:19:48.360 He had a two year affair while I had his second baby.

01:19:55.940 We intentionally had a second baby and he was having an affair the whole time.

01:19:59.540 This feels real to me.

01:20:00.400 Do you?

01:20:00.920 If yeah, it feels real.

01:20:02.060 But to me, it's like, is this valuable?

01:20:04.160 Do you think, is this the kind of stuff we need to keep marriages together?

01:20:06.860 No, I, I would, I would, you know, get a divorce, dude.

01:20:10.540 You don't want to be with her.

01:20:11.900 Well, he should have gotten a divorce than to go ahead and have a more family.

01:20:15.780 The good thing about like, you know, my lady is if, if, if that, you know, if I ever had a two year affair, which I haven't, but if I ever had a two year affair, she would never do this. 0.85

01:20:24.880 She would punch me directly in my spleen. 1.00

01:20:27.320 Yeah. 0.99

01:20:27.740 She would hit, she would, that's what would happen for that.

01:20:29.540 Like she would find an organ.

01:20:30.720 She's good.

01:20:31.020 And she's lefty. 1.00

01:20:31.780 Oh, their flyweights are welterweights.

01:20:32.860 And she would hit it with the, probably with the ring on.

01:20:34.980 So she'd hit me hard in the spleen, pancreas, something like that. 0.90

01:20:38.900 And she would just, that's what I would do. 0.99

01:20:40.520 And I have a kind of shit blood or piss blood for a little while. 0.99

01:20:43.760 Yeah. 0.99

01:20:44.020 But then she, then she would probably make me plantanos or some, you know, dish, the maduros, the smash plantanos. 0.94

01:20:49.520 She would make it for me maybe a couple of nights later.

01:20:51.620 Yeah.

01:20:51.880 She'd be all right.

01:20:52.680 But see, like what this is like this, I don't like, you know, and also, I mean, there's a part of me that also doesn't believe it.

01:20:59.400 I just, because of how much content is out there, I just don't believe that it's always real.

01:21:03.800 But, you know, she, uh, why would he go do this?

01:21:09.380 She just, if her, if it's not real, her acting is pretty good in this video. 0.94

01:21:12.580 Well, he's, you know, I mean, he, I mean, yeah, that's bitch boy behavior. 1.00

01:21:16.000 I mean, I would never. 0.85

01:21:16.440 Well, here's the thing.

01:21:17.080 They brought the baby.

01:21:18.160 Is the baby real?

01:21:19.180 Can you zoom in and see if the baby's moving at all?

01:21:23.540 Is that, yeah, I don't know.

01:21:25.660 It doesn't even look like there's a baby in there.

01:21:27.360 Oh, there it is.

01:21:27.880 Yeah, there's its feet.

01:21:29.100 So that's pretty real.

01:21:30.360 Who's going to give somebody a fake baby to go make this? 1.00

01:21:32.440 Yeah.

01:21:32.740 And that's kind of whack.

01:21:33.720 Like if you got to see your parents, I don't think, I mean, I get what she's trying to do, but it's whack all around.

01:21:38.300 I mean, he's whack.

01:21:39.120 She's whack. 1.00

01:21:39.740 They both just look like they suck. 1.00

01:21:41.260 And they both do look like prototypical podcast fans. 0.99

01:21:44.380 These are exactly what the fans of the podcast look like.

01:21:47.140 These kinds of people. 0.87

01:21:48.200 You got a fat older lady and just a skinny guy who looks kind of dirty. 1.00

01:21:51.680 She's not even older. 0.98

01:21:53.240 Yes, she is.

01:21:54.340 Why'd she look like she's 25?

01:21:56.440 Too old, baby.

01:21:57.200 Wow, bro.

01:22:01.320 Too old.

01:22:01.980 Oh, you old.

01:22:02.880 But what did she tell him?

01:22:04.100 You have to do this or what?

01:22:05.420 She probably said you have to do this or what or I'm going to like.

01:22:09.080 Well, see, that's the thing because normally it's like, oh, or I'll tweet out your messages.

01:22:13.040 I'll contact this girl.

01:22:14.840 I see.

01:22:15.340 So whatever.

01:22:16.020 She was going to maybe blast him.

01:22:17.300 Yeah, but this is worse.

01:22:19.660 I'd rather that.

01:22:21.640 I'd rather that.

01:22:22.940 Then go ahead.

01:22:23.540 Tell everyone you've ever met because I don't want to do this.

01:22:26.240 I don't believe.

01:22:27.200 And I bet you if you scroll through the comments, most people are saying this isn't real.

01:22:31.000 Let's see.

01:22:31.660 I don't think it's real.

01:22:33.020 Let me see.

01:22:34.000 She entirely emasculated her husband. 1.00

01:22:36.100 She should have just left him.

01:22:39.660 Do you believe, like, how many of these comments do you think are real people?

01:22:43.840 And have you ever commented, like, on a video?

01:22:46.420 You're right.

01:22:46.780 It's all a mirage.

01:22:47.860 Right?

01:22:48.100 Like, I feel like it's getting to the point now where it might be, like, over 50% of the

01:22:52.420 people that comment on your stuff are bots.

01:22:54.720 Well, especially with AI.

01:22:55.580 It's like they can make so many things are bots.

01:22:57.220 Like, AI is so capable of, like, act more human when you comment.

01:23:01.500 Like, you can do all that.

01:23:02.640 It's like we're watching a – like, it's kind of crazy to think that our reality has become

01:23:08.660 science fiction.

01:23:10.680 Right.

01:23:11.200 But it's the reality on the social media platforms and on the internet.

01:23:14.960 Is science fiction – no, our reality has become fiction.

01:23:18.160 But then what's science fiction?

01:23:20.300 Smart fiction.

01:23:22.820 Which it really is because it definitely, like, tricks us a lot.

01:23:26.620 Right, dude.

01:23:27.500 I know, yeah.

01:23:28.320 I don't – I don't know, dude.

01:23:30.240 I know Jussie Smollett's probably innocent.

01:23:31.700 I watch a Netflix documentary.

01:23:33.860 Oh, do you think I could play Jussie Smollett in a biopic?

01:23:38.620 Well, I told you, especially from the future because, as you said in the beginning of

01:23:41.800 the show, you're a black woman from the future. 1.00

01:23:43.320 So I think that you could.

01:23:44.540 And I think I – I think that you could play Jussie Smollett and you could play the

01:23:48.740 Attackers or the Nigerian dudes. 0.99

01:23:51.080 One of – I think you could play any of those three.

01:23:53.140 I think you're a good actor.

01:23:54.660 Thanks, dude.

01:23:55.520 Even though I've never seen you act, but I have a feeling that you're a good actor.

01:23:58.660 Feelings mean a lot.

01:23:59.600 Dude, remember when you said on Opie and Anthony or the Opie show all those years ago that

01:24:04.820 I look like a deaf guy that goes to the gym?

01:24:06.660 That was a good one, dude.

01:24:09.860 But we had so much fun in there.

01:24:11.160 Dude, that was – and you know what was crazy, too, to watch that video?

01:24:13.660 If you ever like – more you.

01:24:15.360 Like you watch that – you could watch that clip and, you know, just think about like

01:24:19.800 at that point in your career, like you were kind of struggling.

01:24:22.940 Oh, yeah.

01:24:23.400 Or you – well, you said you were struggling.

01:24:24.920 We thought – you know, you were like – I remember us going to have lunch and you

01:24:28.120 were like, man, like there was – I think you had done a show the next weekend

01:24:31.380 in Sacramento Punchdown.

01:24:32.580 You had forgotten your pants.

01:24:33.820 Yeah.

01:24:34.100 And you had to take the opener's pants.

01:24:35.940 Oh, yes.

01:24:36.240 That's a true story.

01:24:37.400 Don, the guy Don, DePetta, you had to take his pants. 1.00

01:24:40.080 I remember that.

01:24:41.060 Yeah, because you didn't have pants, dude.

01:24:42.360 And you wouldn't sell barely any tickets at the Sacramento Punchdown and then blew up.

01:24:47.020 That was so much fun going in there.

01:24:49.140 Dude, going in there in the morning, going in that building and getting to go in there.

01:24:52.640 Oh, it was great.

01:24:53.260 Like there was like – you were in there. 0.99

01:24:55.020 Bobby Lee used to go in there and eat bull dick. 0.92

01:24:57.080 There were heroes in there. 1.00

01:24:58.780 Bobby ate bull dick? 1.00

01:24:59.800 Yes, he ate bull dick on Opie's show. 1.00

01:25:01.580 I don't know if you were on the show. 1.00

01:25:02.520 Yeah, there's video of it, him eating bull dick. 0.99

01:25:04.420 And then Howard Stern was there. 0.99

01:25:06.240 Remember?

01:25:06.520 He was down the hall.

01:25:08.200 You know that New York SiriusXM building?

01:25:10.020 It's not like that at all anymore.

01:25:11.340 Really?

01:25:11.480 There's like a ghost.

01:25:12.180 There's nobody – I mean, Opie and Anthony, it's not even a show anymore.

01:25:14.880 Jim doesn't have a show anymore.

01:25:16.280 Howard Stern still has a show, but he never goes in.

01:25:18.780 Sway in the morning, all those shows.

01:25:20.420 Nobody goes in anymore.

01:25:21.380 So I think we got to start going into the buildings again.

01:25:23.780 I don't like – oh, like I don't think working from home is – I don't know that it's going to last.

01:25:28.480 But here we are doing it.

01:25:29.840 Let's pull up this one clip right there. 0.99

01:25:31.220 Bobby's bull testicle. 0.99

01:25:33.160 Yeah, I was here for that. 0.99

01:25:33.980 And the chef did put olive oil and some salt on it.

01:25:36.320 Ooh.

01:25:37.220 Wow, this was 10 years ago.

01:25:38.520 See?

01:25:38.740 You promised me something.

01:25:40.040 It's not true, though, is it?

01:25:41.180 No, I'm going to get on Snapchat.

01:25:42.560 Ooh.

01:25:44.480 Bobby.

01:25:45.120 Is that real?

01:25:46.220 That's real, dude.

01:25:46.860 I was sitting across.

01:25:49.100 Ooh.

01:25:49.640 Then he ran out. 0.96

01:25:51.380 It's not gay if you're starving, dude. 0.99

01:25:55.640 You're starving. 0.95

01:25:56.020 And this was before Bad Friends.

01:25:57.800 Hmm.

01:25:58.760 He was also at this time in 2016 telling me his career was – felt like dead in the water.

01:26:04.300 Hmm.

01:26:04.740 And now look how things can change.

01:26:06.840 He's one of the best Bad Friends you could have right there.

01:26:08.880 Oh, he just pulled the nuts off of him.

01:26:10.200 Yeah, he pulled the nuts off.

01:26:10.920 Oh, and he bit into him.

01:26:12.160 He ate into the nuts.

01:26:12.980 He vomited.

01:26:13.680 Yeah, I think he runs out of the – he runs out of the studio.

01:26:16.740 And I went after him, and he was vomiting for real.

01:26:19.200 Oh, that's that Christmas carrot right there.

01:26:20.820 Yeah, see, look.

01:26:21.120 He ran out.

01:26:21.600 He ran out.

01:26:22.080 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

01:26:22.780 Yeah, he's dead now, Carl, unfortunately, man.

01:26:24.800 I know.

01:26:25.460 A lot of people pass with him.

01:26:26.520 So is Vic Henley right there.

01:26:27.680 Vic Henley, yeah.

01:26:28.780 Unfortunately.

01:26:30.520 Well, I think the one thing that we can count on, man, is just love.

01:26:33.940 It's like that's what you – I think that's one of the messages I feel like from our conversation today.

01:26:37.580 It's like there's a lot going on in the world.

01:26:40.320 You focus on the things that are in front of you and the things you can handle, and that is really what's important.

01:26:44.680 Make your life a little smaller.

01:26:45.620 That's what I try to tell my kids, man.

01:26:47.080 There's so many things going on in the world.

01:26:48.680 Yeah, take little breaks.

01:26:49.760 It's like there's travesty happening all over the world.

01:26:52.400 You can't fix everything, but you know what I mean?

01:26:54.040 You could sweep up in front of your crib.

01:26:55.700 You could sweep up in front of the house, take the garbage out, you know, tell your neighbors to try not to be Nazis if they can.

01:27:01.960 You know what I mean?

01:27:03.020 Yeah.

01:27:03.360 Do the right thing even when nobody's watching.

01:27:05.800 All that.

01:27:07.320 Comparison is the thief of joy.

01:27:08.580 Hopefully, hope is my hedge.

01:27:11.000 Faith are my facts.

01:27:11.900 I am okay.

01:27:13.020 Hope is gay faith.

01:27:14.560 Hope is gay faith. 0.96

01:27:16.320 Faith is also a big-time name for gay women. 0.95

01:27:20.060 Ooh. 1.00

01:27:20.740 Gay-ass faith. 1.00

01:27:22.320 Next time we talk, we should talk about how certain names could lead people down certain sexual paths. 0.99

01:27:27.580 My name – well, Christopher.

01:27:29.720 My dad, he purposely calls me Christopher and not Chris because he believes that if a man goes with their full first name, that means they're gay.

01:27:38.440 So he will – he basically calls me gay. 0.62

01:27:40.940 Okay.

01:27:41.200 Like, as a joke, but he calls me – he calls me Christopher. 0.98

01:27:44.000 It's really like he's saying you're gay. 0.84

01:27:45.700 So – and Paul – 0.91

01:27:47.080 Sorry, dude.

01:27:47.700 I got to interrupt you, but we got to – you have to go or you're going to miss your flight.

01:27:50.580 I got to go.

01:27:51.140 I got to go to Chicago, dude.

01:27:52.300 Dude, I love you.

01:27:54.400 History Hyenas is back.

01:27:55.540 People can check it out.

01:27:57.280 You're on tour with some tour dates.

01:27:59.000 We'll make sure we put them all up and talk about them in the beginning.

01:28:01.240 And I love you, man.

01:28:02.140 Good to see you.

01:28:02.340 Love you, brother.

01:28:02.840 You too, man.

01:28:03.320 Now I'm just floating on the breeze And I feel I'm falling like these leaves

01:28:10.040 I must be cornerstone Oh, but when I reach that ground

01:28:17.940 I'll share this peace of mind I found I can feel it in my bones

01:28:24.260 But it's gonna tell you

01:28:26.980 But it's gonna tell you

This Past Weekend with Theo Von - September 10, 2025

#609 - Chris Distefano

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