#630 - Stephen Wilson Jr.
Episode Stats
Length
2 hours and 34 minutes
Words per Minute
185.52274
Summary
On this episode of TCHEESE, I sit down with country music singer-songwriter, Gary Gray. We talk about his upbringing in the country, his new single, "Gary," and how he got his start in country music.
Transcript
00:00:00.000
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Today's guest is a musician and a songwriter, originally by way of Southern Indiana.
00:01:24.820
He has a new single, Gary, that's out now and a sold-out tour in the spring.
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I'm thankful to finally get to sit down with Mr. Stephen Wilson Jr.
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Your podcast and your comedy and your humanity.
00:02:06.680
I think this is one of those moments where I feel, yeah, like just so lucky that I get to, that some of this job has ended up like this.
00:02:14.540
Like getting to talk to people that, yeah, some people would love to sit down with, you know.
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You just had a pretty decent run at the CMAs this year.
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Yes, I was nominated for new artist of the year, which blew my mind.
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And that man has had a big year, and I'm a big fan of his.
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And I was really rooting for everybody but myself.
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I didn't really think I even had a prayer's chance in hell of winning.
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But I was just, like, honestly, being nominated was a huge win for me because, you know, I wasn't supposed to be there on paper.
00:03:04.180
You know, like there's a lot of things that, like, I contradict.
00:03:08.400
And so just being there, you know, it meant a lot just to be out there.
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And it was really wild when I remember when they said my name and, like, it didn't feel like I was like, that's somebody else.
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Well, do you think of yourself as country music?
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I grew up listening to country music and classic rock.
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I grew up in body shops and it was all classic rock and country music, old school and 90s.
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And so that was kind of my pedigree, my listening pedigree.
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And then I grew up very country, very agrarian, kind of hunting for our own food.
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And I ate a lot of squirrels growing up and rabbits.
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It was a lot cheaper than buying it at the grocery store.
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Like, you know, one slug, one deer slug could feed you for, like, three months.
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Oh, there's a beautiful group right there, you guys' kids, huh?
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That you on the bottom left there, kind of the middle?
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And I mean that respectfully, because it's a child.
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Yeah, named after Lacey J Dalton, another country singer.
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But, yeah, she's his little girl, and she is beautiful.
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Like, me and my brother right there, we're, like, Irish twins.
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We're only, like, a year and a few months apart.
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So, like, we grew up beating the hell out of each other.
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My dad right there, in this picture, he had just won, you know,
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the Golden Gloves for, like, the third or fourth time in a row.
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So, and, you know, he was probably just running over to, like,
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Olin Mills or somewhere at Walmart and grabbing this picture real quick.
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So, just so, like, just that there's proof that we existed
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And I always find it wild that he had time to even snap that picture
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Well, and for a dad to put that together, that didn't, you know,
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Yeah, he was driving a bus in the morning and then working at a body shop
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He was wanting to be a pro boxer, but a lot of things, you know,
00:06:08.080
because he really had a very promising career ahead of him.
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And so, a lot of my dreams, I live kind of, you know, for him and myself,
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because he put a lot of his dreams on the back burner to raise me.
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You know, like, so, but, you know, a lot of people don't take that responsibility.
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And when I see that picture, I have, like you said, a memory.
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Well, he either got the, he's got great dimples,
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he would have been curling my little sister's hair
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And even though his eyes were swollen shut from sparring the night before,
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I have, like, distinct memories of him, like, getting her ready for school
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and being, like, a dad to a very young little girl,
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like, and, like, you know, crimping her hair and curling it.
00:07:07.960
And, you know, being a dad also doing feminine things,
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like, because there was no one to do the feminine things.
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And he was really good, and he knew how to do the dude,
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Like, he had me and my brother boxing every night,
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and we were hunting and fishing and doing all the dude things.
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But he had also had to be a dad to a little girl
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And I look back on that, and I have, like I said,
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just such a distinct memory of him curling her hair,
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like, while morning cartoons are playing right before we got on the school bus.
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they'll tack it onto the back of their kid's name.
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I can pick that, like a donkey tail, ladies, put it on there like a junior.
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Like, yeah, we'll pin the tail on this child, you know?
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Like, you know, I joke around that, you know, my dad, you know,
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Like, my grandmother named him after a guy that had rocks thrown at him
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Steven with a pH, by the way, which makes a lot of sense
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because I'm pretty sure my dad was stoned when I was born.
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Oh, the pH level of his brain was probably weed probably then.
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Depends on if he was on some serious gas or not.
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oh, the first Christian martyr was stoned to death outside Jerusalem
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for his faith as described in Acts 7 of the Bible.
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His executioners, including a young Saul, threw rocks at him
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Did he not believe him or did he just not want him sharing the truth?
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because Saul turned into Paul once he saw Christ,
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But at that point, Saul was very much a figure of the Jewish religion.
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Like he was a very high-ranking Jewish official.
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So like he was kind of, you know, like a high-ranking individual.
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And so he was really, in his mind at that time,
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But then he, you know, he had a very much a come-to-Jesus moment,
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And he wrote literally probably two-thirds of the New Testament,
00:10:01.420
or at least a lot of it, or half of it at least.
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before his conversion, Saul was a zealous Pharisee who believed followers of Jesus
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Stephen's preaching against their rejection of Jesus
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and his criticism of their misuse of the temple
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was blasphemous and deserved death under the understanding of the law.
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by giving approval and overseeing the execution,
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Gosh, dude, that's, I mean, that's got to be a lot to carry
00:10:42.380
because if Stephen was the first Christian martyr
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and you had him stoned because your faith wasn't there yet
00:10:51.180
and then to look back through a different perspective.
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that has to be quite the thing to come to terms with.
00:11:06.740
And I think that's what motivated him to write,
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you know, so many epistles of the New Testament
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and became such a huge figure of the New Testament.
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There's a lot of books that they believe were written by Paul,
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This is the first time I've ever been to a Bible study in my life.
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And so it's been interesting to start to just learn
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I'm just glad that we even got to talk about that.
00:12:01.060
and that that's how your father was named from Stephen.
00:12:02.720
I didn't know that story and now I'll remember it.
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I would say that's where the Midwest and the South
00:12:29.120
So people have Southern accents and watch NASCAR,
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They'll put a starch right in the middle of a protein.
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It was an apostolic Christian church with my grandparents and some of their neighbors.
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Like people would eat their dessert at the beginning of dinner sometimes.
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Get too full and getting too excited on mashed potatoes.
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if you didn't have space available in your body for a beautiful dessert,
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think how much work was put into that cobbler compared to those mashed potatoes.
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You'd have a damn shoelace going through a peach,
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I remember in my grandmother's town on cooking and on having people over for meals,
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on hard work and religion was a big part of it.
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and we go in and just get to see what some of the different churches were like.
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And that was one of the bigger religions in the area was apostolic Christian over there.
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Did you see any exorcisms or any speaking in tongues or movements of the spirit?
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it was very kind of covered up with some of the female culture.
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French Kreller or yeast dough with a distinctive twisted shape.
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Or I should have went with the one with the frosting on it,
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I do remember there was a mentally handicapped fellow who said he could drive
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and he was a driver's ed instructor and he wasn't,
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and some people believe it was mentally handicapped.
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is sitting around his pick in his nose and just,
00:16:01.360
he was just a little bit off this dude named Brandon.
00:16:06.020
he was kind of this special guy between an adult and a kid and he never left that
00:16:11.220
So there was something kind of very approachable to him about kids,
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we drove right into a snow bank and the police came and everything,
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I saw a lot of Brandon's get demons cast out of them.
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And I believe that I believe in that type of stuff.
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that I've tried to deconstruct a lot of that through,
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I've had to really try to understand a lot of that and understand what is real and what is not.
00:17:21.240
And I believe God did show up in those places just like God will show up in any place.
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grown ass drywall dudes get like demons cast out of them before lunch.
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And I'd be like sitting there with half a pop tart in my stomach watching this dude literally like throwing dudes around and like exhibiting some superhuman strength.
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they're popping the tart right out of that dude.
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That cherry flavored pop tart was from a demon exorcism.
00:18:00.080
You just know they could have gone with a lot of darker flavors,
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like an evangelist could like show up to your church and like a traveling evangelist and be like,
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Literally the church would shut down and be like,
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And the whole week would be a revival just because this dude showed up and said,
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And it's always been my dream to be a part of something like that.
00:18:40.320
Leap of Faith was my favorite movie growing up.
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I've been able to talk to about that movie because it has one of the most profound impacts on me.
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just because of how I grew up and the music business and seeing performance and theatrics and,
00:19:13.180
tonight everybody's getting slain in the spirit.
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you stand up there and the dude hits you and you fall down and you just out for however long.
00:19:30.420
That's that freaking religious Percocet right there.
00:19:44.940
And I remember he tapped me right in the forehead.
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And I was like training for the golden gloves at that time.
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Like he just like hit me right in the forehead with his fingers.
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kind of like mad about it at that point because it actually kind of hurt.
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And I'm just like getting hit in the forehead by him.
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Cause I was like a 19 year old kid just trying to feel God and try to get closer to God.
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he knocked everybody up and there was all these bodies all over the floor.
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People like putting modesty cloths all over him and stuff.
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So I had to like walk all over all these bodies to get back to my.
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it was the most shameful walk I've ever taken at church.
00:21:08.700
And what really made me laugh or at least kind of helped break me out of it.
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and then they'll go back in or would they be out?
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you stepped on my hand and now I'm no longer slain.
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Who can't even get the dark arts exercised out of him.
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Is there ever you're waking up people who are doing well,
00:21:42.680
I never thought about the walk of shame at church.
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like sometimes a lady would get slain and she's wearing a skirt,
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Do we call them skirtings because they were so long,
00:22:03.020
and some of them would be actual curtains that they had taken off of a window
00:22:07.920
the stick that's on the edge of a curtain that you can like,
00:22:29.960
We're thinking about something that's funny together with somebody is
00:22:46.800
because there's some guys and lurkers that would just be up there.
00:23:10.380
I guess like a little bit of a peep in time or whatever.
00:23:26.380
I'd go watch people and just watch in their houses.
00:23:28.320
And I wasn't always looking for perverse stuff.
00:24:07.300
I love just kind of absorbing how other people operated.
00:24:19.840
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00:24:27.720
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00:27:03.320
One thing you said that was interesting a little bit ago was you said,
00:27:06.140
that your dad was a boxer and he did these things.
00:27:12.720
And then sometimes you're living out some of your dad's dreams.
00:27:17.600
And I find that to be interesting that we feel like that as sons or that some sons feel that way.
00:27:27.140
And then also that some dads will make sacrifices like you're saying.
00:27:31.660
And it wasn't like it was his choice that he made.
00:27:35.660
But sometimes even with choices then come sacrifices that you don't see.
00:27:39.580
And then you have to make another choice then as to what do I do here.
00:27:43.480
But that like even by giving birth to a son, by having an offspring,
00:27:47.000
you are creating something that can go the next leg,
00:27:49.600
almost like it's one of those races where they pass the baton.
00:28:16.380
But then it's interesting as the next runner, as the next generation is,
00:28:19.860
what do I, like how much do I owe to this previous generation to carry on their dream?
00:28:27.300
Like all those things kind of were popping into my head as you were saying that.
00:28:31.000
A generational relay race is not something I've put, you know,
00:28:42.500
Because when you see a relay race, like the first runner or whatever,
00:28:47.200
the runner before you, the runners before you, like dictate how fast you're going to run
00:28:56.040
So like if they're running with everything they got,
00:28:59.060
well then you're only like doing a disservice to their effort
00:29:05.680
And so, yeah, that baton becomes something bigger than just this thing you're holding in your hand.
00:29:17.340
I think when families, and this is a hypothetical,
00:29:21.100
but when families seemed closer and we needed more entertainment from our fathers and forefathers
00:29:27.840
and we got lore passed down and family history, when there was more storytelling,
00:29:32.300
when you couldn't get as much storytelling from like phones and television and stuff
00:29:37.160
but when it came from like those, the predecessors of ours and our forefathers and mothers,
00:29:43.420
that that kind of stuff, it like beat inside of us like a drum, you know.
00:29:47.700
So, yeah, what kind of, did you feel a pressure like, and did something happen, your father passed away?
00:29:54.900
Yeah, he passed away seven years ago at the age of 59 and it happened, yeah, he was very young
00:30:07.140
Yeah, well, he had like this pulmonary fibrosis thing that was starting,
00:30:11.360
but he ended up dying of a pulmonary embolism, like a blood clot in his lungs.
00:30:16.560
And so, yeah, it was a very sudden thing that I don't think anybody really expected.
00:30:25.660
He was living in southern Indiana and he was, you know, he was, you know, doing quite well
00:30:31.880
and like, you know, everything kind of changed in about six months and then he, you know,
00:30:38.760
suddenly this embolism showed up and I tried to get there because he, it was, his body was like shutting down.
00:30:47.560
So an embolism, can you bring it up just so I know, Trevin, sorry to interrupt you, Stephen.
00:30:51.980
I'm just like, sometimes I've let information fly and I don't know what it is.
00:30:56.660
An embolism, a pulmonary embolism is a blood clot that travels to and blocks
00:31:01.600
an artery in the lungs, cutting off normal blood flow and oxygen exchange
00:31:05.620
and creating a potentially life-threatening emergency.
00:31:07.760
So had this been happening for a while and then it got bad?
00:31:11.440
And so he'd had some, obviously some things going on that he never knew was happening.
00:31:17.720
And, and then, yeah, it got to that life-threatening emergency point.
00:31:22.740
And then there is a point where they can only do so much.
00:31:25.720
And, you know, he was a bit of a cowboy and, you know, those kind of classic dudes
00:31:31.480
that don't want to go to the doctor and I'll tough it out kind of thing.
00:31:34.900
I'm sure there was a lot of that mentality going into it.
00:31:38.140
Also, there was poor health care, you know, that's, he was a victim of the American health care system too
00:31:47.660
But, but yeah, like that was, that was a big part of it.
00:31:51.280
Um, we've talked, we've talked about that a lot over the years, it's a nightmare and
00:31:54.440
the stress they put people through trying to deal with their own taking care of themselves.
00:31:57.760
It's like, yeah, it's a nightmare, especially at his age at 59, he was starting to feel
00:32:06.120
They don't, you know, like, you know, they don't really want to take care of you.
00:32:10.500
They want to do everything but that, like you got to fight tooth and nail to take care
00:32:15.380
of yourself in that, at least where he was at that time.
00:32:19.180
And, uh, yeah, I, I got a, a really, um, panicked call from my sister that morning and said,
00:32:26.580
you need to get here like now, like dad is very sick and we don't know what's happening.
00:32:31.020
And they rushed him to the emergency room and, um, I jumped in my car and sped up there and
00:32:37.260
I said goodbye to him in the middle of Kentucky on the side of I-65 on an iPhone 8 on the side
00:32:45.660
And, um, that was the- Pulled over to make it quieter?
00:32:49.580
And just so I didn't lose signal, I was so worried that, cause you know, the middle of
00:32:52.820
Kentucky is the middle of nowhere and like, what if I dropped the call?
00:32:57.480
And, um, you know, there was, so I just pulled over just, I mean, it was insane.
00:33:02.800
I just, the, the, the sound of like semis flying by me at like 90 miles an hour, but literally
00:33:09.600
being in a, I felt like I was in a bubble, like not like the world was like the world
00:33:17.720
Like a semi could have taken the side of that car off.
00:33:21.760
I wouldn't even had known it or, you know, I would have just, I was in a state of absolute
00:33:26.820
shock and, and horror is a very traumatizing experience.
00:33:32.800
No, I was just on a video or a normal phone call.
00:33:37.980
And he, uh, did he know that it could be like his last moment?
00:33:48.080
And, um, that's been a challenge for me, like mentally kind of, but it's been, but it's
00:33:55.700
also been like the beautiful part of unpacking trauma and grief.
00:34:00.100
Cause you know, I'm not like our, our music like really, um, it finds the grieving and
00:34:07.480
I think it's, it's important for me to grieve as well.
00:34:10.580
Um, like I, I, I, I go through grief every night and, uh, but you know, um, he was such
00:34:19.460
He knew he had maybe 90 seconds left on this earth.
00:34:22.940
He knew he was going, not just going, but going fast.
00:34:26.780
He even told me, he's like, I'm, I'm going Steven.
00:34:30.060
And, um, um, sorry, um, but yeah, he was, uh, he was so calm about it.
00:34:42.580
Oh, that was his first thing he said, like such a dad thing to say.
00:34:47.360
And, um, and he said, write a good song for me, Steven.
00:35:02.160
And, uh, so I say it more than once all the time now, because I, I, from that experience,
00:35:08.020
I kind of realized that people are counting and, uh, I, I was counting and, and, um, and
00:35:19.560
Like he was literally being pulled, like God was snatching him from the universe in that
00:35:33.300
And, um, I'm really grateful that I got to speak to him.
00:35:36.980
And in that moment, in that car, uh, I, I, I was so angry at God.
00:35:47.980
Even my dad, I was like, how dare you die on me like this?
00:35:52.560
Like, like, like that's, we wasn't supposed to happen.
00:35:56.100
Like none of it was supposed to happen like that.
00:35:58.500
Like I was under the impression he was invincible, first of all, and he was just so young and
00:36:03.260
he was just such a, you know, just such a lively, such a bright light.
00:36:11.020
And then even to people in my hometown, they were in disbelief when he died.
00:36:15.600
Like it was like, cause his, his life force was so big that like people were in denial.
00:36:24.320
Like, and I was like, no, he, he, he really is.
00:36:27.780
And it was a, a tough thing to really come to terms with.
00:36:31.620
But, um, with any great reaction or any like chemical reaction, there is a catalyst.
00:36:38.540
Um, and I have to say everything, the reason I'm here and the reason I'm anywhere right now
00:36:46.440
It was, uh, you know, you have a product and a reactant and then there's a catalyst.
00:36:52.260
And, um, and that, that conversation is what catalyzed my whole career.
00:37:00.240
Um, that write, write a good song for me, Stephen.
00:37:03.860
It was, um, it was like a lifetime's worth of jet fuel for me to charge across the galaxy
00:37:13.060
and, and do everything I could to try and keep him alive.
00:37:18.080
To try and, um, just tell the world about him that, you know, carry out his wish.
00:37:25.220
I mean, what, and what I found out is like, like carrying out his wish and, um, and keeping
00:37:33.140
him alive was keeping so many other people that, that other folks have lost, other humans
00:37:40.960
He was resurrecting other people at the same time.
00:37:44.860
And these people were coming to shows with this, um, with his bounty of love that had
00:37:54.740
And, uh, and I gave them, you know, you know, these songs have given them a home for at least
00:38:04.520
And, uh, and, uh, and that's been, um, that's really been the charge of all of this.
00:38:10.760
That's been, um, the mission statement is, um, you know, at the very beginning was just
00:38:21.080
And, you know, like kind of a psychotic denial for the first couple of years that he was even
00:38:31.740
And I, and a lot of times I felt them on my shoulders, like a little kid.
00:38:39.300
And, uh, well, now that he's free, he kind of could do as he wants, you know, he can be
00:38:44.820
And the reason why I play this song, Stand By Me, it's just literally, I, two weeks after
00:38:50.320
he died, uh, I was scheduled to play this songwriter festival in Deadwood, South Dakota.
00:38:55.840
And it's a, you know, it's in the Black Hills and it's a very spiritually charged area just
00:39:03.560
And the guy that runs it says, you don't have to play any music.
00:39:09.520
And, and, uh, he's like, just come here and, you know, see what happens, you know, just
00:39:22.080
And, and at the end of the festival, they asked, you know, all the writers and stuff
00:39:27.280
there, um, if you wanted to play a cover, what's your favorite cover that you love?
00:39:34.860
Um, I had been, for some reason, for about a year prior to my dad's death, I'd been singing
00:39:40.140
this song, Stand By Me in my living room, the exact way I play it now.
00:39:44.320
It just popped in your head to come, it just kind of came into you?
00:39:47.120
And like, for some reason I was, like, that song has haunted me my whole life because
00:39:52.720
Yeah, that's a big part of a lot of people's, that movie was huge in people's lives for
00:39:58.500
Yeah, like, I very much saw myself in the, the kid on the left, the Gordie, the Gordie
00:40:03.040
Lachance, no, um, was his name, Will Wheaton, like, the writer, the writer that was trying
00:40:08.820
to find a voice, the nerdy little writer kid on the left.
00:40:12.520
And, um, that song, like, was threaded so brilliantly throughout that film, and it's obviously
00:40:18.700
the title, but, um, because of that movie, which is also a Stephen King,
00:40:22.720
the story, that movie is based off a Stephen King novella called The Body.
00:40:27.440
So, you know, it was obviously a very haunting and dark theme, but, you know, that song really
00:40:32.680
haunted me because of that movie, and, um, I just started playing it.
00:40:36.420
I was, like, trying to, I don't know, kind of deconstruct it, try to process it in a
00:40:41.240
different way, and, um, when my dad died, fast forward to Deadwood, all I could play
00:40:49.240
And, um, I started playing it, and I'd really never played it for anybody like that, and
00:41:03.500
I'd just, I'd been a published writer for maybe two years at that point, just trying to
00:41:11.060
And I never really saw myself as an artist, even though my dad did, like, he would always
00:41:20.020
But I would always argue with him, like, no, I don't do that.
00:41:24.520
But when I went up there to sing Stand By Me, um, I swear to God, he was, like, on my
00:41:39.460
And I, I truly believe he showed up at Bridgestone at the CMAs.
00:41:51.280
He, he was so proud of me before he died, before any of this happened.
00:41:55.180
And, um, I think, yeah, he, yeah, he would be very proud.
00:42:00.280
Um, I've been trying to make him proud my whole life, but.
00:42:06.220
Write a song for me or make us, what did he say?
00:42:11.820
I, I, yeah, dude, I listen to stuff that makes me cry all the time because I think I'm just
00:42:14.860
full of tears and I got to get these bitches out, even though I'm dehydrated half the time.
00:42:19.520
So I'm like, I don't even know what's going on here, dude.
00:42:23.380
Like I'll, when my dad died, I swear all I did was cry for two years.
00:42:29.480
Um, and lately, if you have, if you can find the tears, find them like right now.
00:42:36.620
I mean, even though I, I, I get emotional, don't get me wrong, but.
00:42:40.620
Sometimes you have tears and sometimes you don't, it's like almost like seasons, you know,
00:42:44.560
Sometimes it comes up on the shore and sometimes it's out to sea, you know, even though it's,
00:42:50.180
So it's like, um, and especially, I think people that have had like a lot of things in
00:42:55.300
their life that have happened that haven't been processed.
00:43:01.860
And I think I've gotten grateful in my life over, over, over time where there, if I find
00:43:07.440
something that helps me process, I'll sit there and process it.
00:43:10.400
Like my brother says a lot of times he's like, yeah, getting rid of grief and like, like
00:43:16.360
And people use trauma as a buzzword, but getting rid of grief and stuff from the past, he's
00:43:20.200
like, it's like taking panties out of a bathtub one at a time.
00:43:22.700
He's like, you know, it just, it takes a long time and it's slow and it's just kind of arduous
00:43:28.740
But, uh, but you just be grateful that, that it can kind of happen over time.
00:43:32.500
Um, what he said, make a good song for me, write a good song, write a good song.
00:43:38.120
Cause he knew that's what I was, that's all I could think about.
00:43:43.500
He used to come to my, like all my shows and when I say shows, like playing for seven people
00:43:49.540
at writer's round or like, and he came to the Bluebird cafe.
00:43:54.240
I remember like how to, you remember when they had those giant phones that were like the size
00:44:03.420
He had one of those bad boys and he would just hold it up and record the whole show.
00:44:09.020
Oh dude, there's nothing crazier than watching like a boomer kind of like record something
00:44:15.920
They're just, we went to the UFC fights the other day and some guy was recorded every single
00:44:20.820
I'm like, he had a front row seat and he was recording and there was a TV right next to him
00:44:28.280
Like, I just didn't understand what was going on.
00:44:30.820
But the fact that he was there and that he cared so much about it and that he loved watching
00:44:36.380
There was this one song that's on the record called I'm a Song.
00:44:41.260
And he watched me play that for the first time at Bluebird Cafe.
00:44:52.440
And I was like, dad, please put your phone down.
00:44:54.800
But he recorded that whole song and then he called me like a week later, kept talking
00:45:03.440
And about a month before he died, his Father's Day weekend, I came up to see him and we went
00:45:10.720
to a tractor pool and then we went home and watched some fights.
00:45:13.520
And he goes, hey, Steven, you know that song you played at the Bluebird like a month ago?
00:45:22.800
And I was like, well, how do you even know that?
00:45:24.680
Like I, you know, because I was in that point of like writing, you know, 200 songs a year.
00:45:32.920
So like a month ago, like that I'm a Song was like 50 songs ago.
00:45:40.180
And he's like, yeah, you played at the Bluebird Cafe.
00:45:43.100
And he's like, that's, that's my favorite song.
00:45:48.460
And you're like, I thought he meant like it's my favorite song, his favorite song of mine.
00:45:59.440
And I was like, how are you even listening to it?
00:46:02.020
He'd been listening to me play it on the Bluebird, at the Bluebird on his gigantic T-Mobile, whatever that thing is.
00:46:14.920
And he was the, you know, he would breathe so much life into me.
00:46:22.720
He believed in me so much more than I ever believed in myself.
00:46:26.060
And I remember him saying, you should sing that song.
00:46:34.760
And it was one of the hardest songs I've ever sang.
00:46:37.680
But in that moment, like that was, that was when, you know, I knew things were about to change.
00:46:44.700
And, but yeah, and that song has helped so many people.
00:46:48.840
And it's, I don't know, it's been a bit of a thesis statement for me.
00:46:54.180
And so when he said write a good song for me, he knew, he knew I had already written one, at least in his eyes, because it was his favorite song ever.
00:47:02.740
So, he knew, at least he had proof on his phone that I was capable of writing something great.
00:47:10.600
And he, I guess his last charge was to please keep going and don't stop.
00:47:18.200
It's got to feel good for him to be, like even in a moment, like, I mean, that's crazy to say this.
00:47:24.320
But in a moment of leaving the earth to know that you have a son or someone who can, who, you know, you've created that's capable.
00:47:35.660
You know, you have a child that you believe is capable.
00:47:56.440
But, you know, outside of that, we were so different.
00:47:59.500
So, he, he, I think he just knew I was going to do something different.
00:48:06.380
And I, like, picked up guitar and taught myself.
00:48:08.820
And he was, like, just always mesmerized by, like, my musical ability because it seemed like magic to him.
00:48:24.680
Yeah, I learned some tablature and, and, but, you know, I sucked real bad then.
00:48:30.620
Yeah, that was probably, like, a week after I got my first guitar.
00:49:00.440
All my whole music, I didn't have any music out when he was alive.
00:49:07.180
Yeah, this is all old VHS footage from when I was a kid.
00:49:10.580
That's me getting my first guitar for my 16th birthday,
00:49:26.080
See if you can catch his face a second earlier, maybe a second later.
00:49:39.620
I might actually be able to talk to a girl now.
00:49:50.220
instead of hiding, putting hair in your eyes and hiding behind it.
00:49:55.720
That was most of my childhood when I was growing up.
00:49:58.580
I was thinking about what are the responsibilities of a son?
00:50:05.120
I think about what do my parents owe me a lot as a kid,
00:50:16.040
or some things didn't happen and should have happened.
00:50:31.220
like things that, yes, a parent should do these things
00:50:38.480
And then, well, a parent, they don't owe you these things,
00:50:45.060
what are my responsibilities as a son, you know,
00:50:50.340
you do have some responsibility in it yourself, you know.
00:51:00.020
and, you know, I grew up thinking the same thing as you,
00:51:04.760
like maybe, you know, things should have been different.
00:51:21.140
And so I also think about them like, oh, my gosh,
00:51:24.460
like I have a lot of sympathy for them as I was older.
00:51:51.800
In the beginning of your father is, like, superhuman
02:22:12.680
I never really noticed but now that I mention it
02:22:19.680
there ain't a lot of boys named Gary these days born with a cigarette glued to their face
02:22:27.760
fixing about anything a hammer can't handle saving all the money cause a Gary don't gamble
02:22:33.800
ain't a lot of girls going by Debbie anymore but they got the same nicotine pouring out their pours
02:22:44.800
there ain't a lot of boys named Gary these days
02:22:50.800
Gary these days been worried about the bad news
02:23:02.800
there ain't a lot of teenagers filling up the church pews
02:23:17.800
there ain't a lot of boys named Gary these days born with a cigarette glued to their face
02:23:22.800
fixing about anything a hammer can't handle saving all the money cause a Gary don't gamble
02:23:28.800
gamble ain't a lot of girls going by Debbie anymore but they got the same nicotine pouring out their pours
02:23:39.800
there ain't a lot of boys named Gary these days
02:23:45.800
there ain't a lot of boys named Gary these days
02:24:04.800
I had a weird suspicion with the light out on the front porch
02:24:11.800
hard medication poured down where the drain pours
02:24:25.800
I had a weird suspicion with the light out on the front porch
02:24:33.800
hard medication poured down where the drain pours
02:26:12.820
It's almost like the door closes on it or something
02:32:09.000
Yeah, grief is only love that's got no place to go
02:33:03.000
It sounds great, dude. Yeah, just thank you. Yeah, it's just nice.
02:33:07.000
Thank you, Theo, for everything, man. Thank you.
02:33:25.000
And I love it and thank you for sharing and helping us feel and making it okay for people to feel stuff and yeah.
02:33:31.000
Yeah, I think, yeah, it's time to feel things because what else do we have if we ain't got feelings? I think it's the only thing that separates us from the robots at this point.
02:33:53.000
Now I'm just floating on the breeze, and I feel I'm falling like these leaves. I must be cornerstone. Oh, but when I reach that ground, I'll share this peace of mind I found. I can feel it in my bones. But it's gonna take...
02:34:19.000
It's been my bones. It's gonna walk you so much.