This Past Weekend with Theo Von - #634

00:00:00.000 Here's a question. If you walked into a stash house and found it full of $20 million,

00:00:04.740 how much would you steal? That's the question Matt Damon and Ben Affleck have to answer

00:00:10.700 in Netflix's new movie, The Rip. They play a team of Miami cops alongside Teyana Taylor,

00:00:17.260 Steven Yeun, Catalina Sandino Moreno, Kyle Chandler, and Sasha Calle, all trying to decide,

00:00:24.640 are they the good guys or the bad guys? This movie is an edge-of-your-seat thrill ride the entire

00:00:31.080 time, keeping you guessing till the very end. Don't miss The Rip. Watch now, only on Netflix.

00:00:39.380 Today's guest is a comedian and a podcaster. You may know her from her appearances on Kill Tony.

00:00:46.380 She has her own podcast called Rampin' Up, and I'm thankful that she's here today.

00:00:51.840 Today's guest is Ms. Fiona Cawley.

00:00:56.200 Shine on me, and I will find a song I've been singing.

00:01:04.600 I love this.

00:01:07.780 Your house is beautiful, by the way.

00:01:15.100 Oh, thanks. Yeah, I feel lucky to have a place to live.

00:01:18.180 I gotta get, I think, a new couch or something. How many times after you sit on a couch, you

00:01:23.600 have to get a new one? That's a thing. They should put, like, a little counter on the side

00:01:26.560 that kind of goes down.

00:01:27.980 I like that. It's like the lollipop question.

00:01:31.500 Yeah.

00:01:31.980 Yeah.

00:01:32.880 Yeah, like, how many sits does it take to-

00:01:34.440 Like, oh, you're out, and it catapults you out.

00:01:37.640 Yeah, dude. The springs just activate.

00:01:40.660 Yeah, I like that. No nonsense.

00:01:43.340 Yeah, that's what we need now. It's like, yeah, how many sits does it take to get to

00:01:49.080 the center of your sofa?

00:01:50.160 I would be screwed.

00:01:51.800 Really?

00:01:52.540 Because all I do is sit.

00:01:54.840 Oh, that's true, huh?

00:01:55.800 Mm-hmm.

00:01:56.300 You're right here.

00:01:59.400 You're what some people would consider a heavy sitter, huh?

00:02:01.860 Yeah, I'm professional.

00:02:03.560 Yeah.

00:02:04.100 Yeah, y'all ain't got shit on me.

00:02:06.120 For some of our listeners that don't know, so you have, you live with an ailment. What

00:02:12.540 do people, do people call it a disease, an ailment, just because you're already talking

00:02:15.940 about it?

00:02:16.660 Yeah, it's a disease, a disability. It's called Friedrich's ataxia.

00:02:23.340 Yeah, what is it? Is it okay to ask you about it?

00:02:24.960 Yeah, yeah. So it's like a really rare neurological disease, and it's progressive. And there are like

00:02:35.100 5,000 people in the U.S. that have it, and I'm one of them. And the only difference between

00:02:42.860 us, the reason you can walk and I can't, is I don't make enough of a protein called

00:02:48.860 frataxin. And that's kind of it. Like, both my parents were carriers, didn't know, and then

00:02:57.040 they had kids, and we're screwed.

00:03:00.840 And do, duh. And so are you the only child that has it?

00:03:04.240 No.

00:03:04.540 So if two parents have it, and they have a child, any child they have can have it?

00:03:09.220 Can, yeah. But also, they might not, some of them. But I'm one of three. I'm the middle

00:03:15.980 and we all have it. I got diagnosed first, so they can suck it, you know.

00:03:23.260 It's like that twin that's born later.

00:03:25.300 Yeah.

00:03:26.620 Did you feel like they were copying off you at any point?

00:03:30.320 I mean, I'm the middle child. So it's like, I can't have anything to myself. My sister's

00:03:38.340 even in the same wheelchair as me now. Rude.

00:03:41.640 No, same brand?

00:03:42.860 Yeah.

00:03:43.460 Oh.

00:03:44.020 I know.

00:03:45.140 But is she the younger sister?

00:03:46.820 Older.

00:03:47.280 Oh, that's not good.

00:03:49.760 Because I noticed, I noticed my nephews at Thanksgiving were dressing the same as each

00:03:54.540 other, but they're like two years apart. And I was like, oh, it kind of makes sense. The

00:03:57.280 younger one is dressing like the older one.

00:03:58.880 Yeah. Well, imagine if your siblings got the same car as you. It's the same thing.

00:04:07.340 Oh.

00:04:07.900 Yeah.

00:04:08.820 Do you have to have a cane? How do you, because you have a wheelchair.

00:04:12.300 Well, good question. I mean, it's progressive. So I used to be an athlete before I knew. And

00:04:20.660 then I walked weird, kind of like I'm drunk. I spoke, still do speak that way because your

00:04:27.260 tongue's a muscle. And then I went into a cane phase when I was 21 because they wouldn't

00:04:35.020 serve me at bars. And I was like, I got to find a way to like show them. It's like, I'm

00:04:42.160 not drunk. I was drunk, but I was, you know.

00:04:47.640 Did a lot of brothers hit on you when you had that cane?

00:04:50.200 Honestly, I would go to bars, not bring the cane. And if a guy hit on me, I was like, that's

00:04:56.420 a bad person because I look like the drunkest person in this place. Right? It was a litmus

00:05:03.000 test.

00:05:04.180 You're just reporting people. At one point, did you and your sisters have canes? Because

00:05:09.500 that's almost like a black prom, I feel like, if you guys had that.

00:05:14.680 I did have like 14 to match every outfit.

00:05:18.500 Nuh-uh.

00:05:19.040 Yeah.

00:05:19.660 Oh, that's kind of hot.

00:05:20.920 Thank you.

00:05:21.520 Yeah.

00:05:21.820 I have one that was like a sword cane. You unscrew the top and a sword came out.

00:05:27.320 Really? Oh, that's the one you definitely needed, probably an Irish bar.

00:05:30.180 Yeah, I took it on every date just in case. You know, I don't fuck with pepper spray, just

00:05:36.360 sword canes.

00:05:37.220 Oh, that's, dude, that's the British pepper spray. The sword cane, that's exactly what

00:05:44.380 there, that's exactly the wildest thing there is. That's unbelievable. Fiona Cawley, thanks

00:05:52.240 for joining us.

00:05:52.940 Yeah.

00:05:53.540 Thanks for stopping by. I appreciate it. We got to do a show together not long ago that

00:05:59.100 was at the lab and that was really awesome. And I saw you were going to be on the Kill

00:06:03.240 Tony, are you on the Kill Tony, the live from Texas? What's it called?

00:06:07.980 Once Upon a Time in Texas, yeah. The one that just came on Netflix.

00:06:13.600 That's you right there, right?

00:06:14.460 Yeah.

00:06:14.940 Oh. How crazy is that to see yourself on like, kind of like, because stuff like this, I think

00:06:21.140 is kind of, it's not monumental, but it's interesting in a comic's career when they see themselves

00:06:25.480 on like a Netflix poster or something that gives us some semblance of what we deem as,

00:06:30.240 a lot of us deem as success. Was that interesting for you?

00:06:33.240 Yeah. I mean, I'm grateful he put me on the poster, you know what I mean? But yeah, I

00:06:41.160 mean, being on Netflix, this is actually the second time with Kill Tony I've been on the

00:06:46.980 Netflix.

00:06:47.260 Oh, nice. I didn't know that.

00:06:48.460 Yeah. The other one was at Madison Square Garden.

00:06:52.400 Dude, that's wild. And they kind of, and they hid your legs too, which is, are they?

00:06:56.140 Which was nice in them. It grows with people out. They don't want to see this.

00:07:00.420 Oh, I bet a lot of dudes. I know some dudes who would. For sure. And also, you think they

00:07:07.640 could have had you sitting on his shoulder or something would have been pretty dope.

00:07:09.880 That would have been way funnier. I like that.

00:07:12.660 So you've been doing comedy for?

00:07:15.760 About five years.

00:07:17.420 Okay. And was Kill, did Kill Tony feel like a big break for you? Like, what does that feel

00:07:21.660 like? Cause-

00:07:22.660 Yeah, I would say so. I was, you know, I live in Nashville, so I was really just working

00:07:29.260 zanies. And I was starting to feature and whatever. And then I heard about Kill Tony

00:07:35.960 and people were like, you should go on that. And I was like, okay. So it changed my life

00:07:42.660 overnight. Wow.

00:07:44.100 Like fully, you know, from like 30,000 followers. And now I have like more than half a million.

00:07:52.500 Are you kidding me?

00:07:54.000 Yeah.

00:07:55.120 Wow. Dude, kudos to Tony and Red Band just for making that thing stick and thrive. And the

00:08:01.320 years they went through it at the comedy store where there were times when it was big and

00:08:05.560 times where it was kind of like in between buildings and like they were switching it around.

00:08:09.500 Even when they got to Austin, I think they went to three different places and they kept

00:08:13.020 that thing alive. That's unbelievable. Um, was your first time there, what's it like when

00:08:18.480 your first time there, did you know you were going to get up or was it?

00:08:22.220 Yeah. So he basically what happened was, I didn't know what Kill Tony was. I heard about

00:08:29.480 it.

00:08:30.220 Yeah. Cause you're already, you know, you're already having health problems. Kill Tony sounds

00:08:34.660 it's like, I'm like, I'll stay away from that word. Yeah. It's like, I'm not seeing another

00:08:39.120 surgeon.

00:08:40.060 I'm like, what's next? Kill Fiona?

00:08:44.040 No, I, uh, my uncle.

00:08:45.660 Sorry. Am I joking too much or no?

00:08:47.340 No, I like it.

00:08:48.420 Okay. I thought you did. That's the only reason why I'm joking.

00:08:50.620 No, I'll take it too far. You let me know.

00:08:53.100 Okay.

00:08:53.500 Okay.

00:08:55.780 Um, um, so you go there and for people that don't know, most of, most of our listeners

00:09:00.300 know, but Kill Tony, it's a, uh, it's a show that's run, uh, by Tony Hinchcliffe and Brian

00:09:04.100 Redman. And they basically bring in kind of newcomers. It's kind of the new tonight show

00:09:08.560 in a lot of ways. And they have a regular guests on there. And, um, and a lot of people go

00:09:13.840 on there and get their first minute. It's kind of their first minute that's in front of the

00:09:18.040 Kill Tony crowd. And sometimes those minutes are amazing. And sometimes those minutes are

00:09:21.640 very nerve wracking. Um, I think they're probably nerve wracking no matter what, but yeah,

00:09:26.080 take me through that minute. Like what's that first minute on Kill Tony? What, what is it?

00:09:29.540 What is that like? Especially for somebody that's had five years in comedy. Like, cause

00:09:32.680 you, you know, it's not some of these people that it's their first time ever getting on

00:09:35.700 stage and some people are just hiding from their wives or something. Some people are just

00:09:39.020 hiding from ice for a minute. They're like, this is one minute away from ice, right?

00:09:44.040 They won't find me here. Um, but yeah, can you kind of take us through that?

00:09:49.000 Yeah. So it's very, it's stressful cause it's not, you, you realize it's not just the room

00:09:57.100 you're in that's going to see it. It's not just a 300 people. The platform is so big. So

00:10:03.460 you're like, everything I do right now is going to be seen by millions of people. And like,

00:10:10.420 you're stressed, you know? And also the whole thing is like the panel gets to be mean to

00:10:16.640 you and the crowd loves that.

00:10:18.440 Yeah. Yeah. It's very Roman Coliseum, huh?

00:10:21.880 It feels that the arena shows for Kill Tony feels so Roman. I say that all the time.

00:10:28.420 Wow.

00:10:29.500 And every time I go out in an arena show with them, I swear the person right before me

00:10:35.280 gets booed by the entire arena. And then I'm like, Oh my God.

00:10:40.220 That's kind of nice because then if somebody else has taken that L, then you're like,

00:10:43.280 could have been me.

00:10:45.120 Yeah.

00:10:45.600 But it was them.

00:10:47.360 I've been through enough.

00:10:51.860 Before you went on the first time, are you just, are you like waiting in the wings? What's,

00:10:55.760 what's the setup?

00:10:57.020 Um, so I, cause I'm in a wheelchair, I have to like go around the building and get carried

00:11:04.040 up these stairs.

00:11:05.180 Are we by the dumpsters and stuff?

00:11:06.700 Yeah. Yeah. It smells real bad. And, but it reminds you of your life, you know?

00:11:12.000 So I like, I'm grateful.

00:11:14.420 For sure.

00:11:16.420 And then yeah, they have you waiting back there. You smell like trash. You're looking

00:11:20.160 at Heidi, the best looking woman I've ever seen in real life.

00:11:24.380 Oh, does she work on Kill Tony?

00:11:25.620 Yeah. I have, you know, the beautiful blonde Heidi member.

00:11:29.980 She's very nice.

00:11:31.140 Wow.

00:11:31.440 Look at her. Are you joking?

00:11:33.900 I know I'm not joking.

00:11:35.200 Oh wow. She looks like Gina Davis. And she's got strong cheekbones. She looks like Gene

00:11:41.760 Davis too. Who used to play catcher for us when I was growing up, actually. Great kid,

00:11:48.280 Italian, good guy.

00:11:49.160 I'm like, I don't know that.

00:11:51.180 No, she's stunning. I'm just joking. I'm sure she's on Kill Tony. She can take a couple

00:11:55.540 of jokes. Do they joke about her a lot too?

00:11:57.080 Oh yeah. She, she's very funny. Dakes jokes very well. Very smart.

00:12:02.040 I gotta go back on.

00:12:03.240 Yeah. Cause of Heidi.

00:12:05.360 No. Uh, well, it is funny that, yeah, you show a cute girl.

00:12:10.860 You're like, God, I gotta get there.

00:12:12.320 I gotta get back out there. It's like, you could show a picture of the North Pole and

00:12:15.940 guys are like, that looks cold. I ain't doing that shit. And then you show a guy and you

00:12:21.000 show just like a silhouette of some tits on the edge of a glacier. And some guy's like,

00:12:24.600 man, we gotta get back. I gotta get back up there.

00:12:28.140 Yeah. I gotta warm up the old ice pick.

00:12:31.060 And so as you're going along, like, dude, I cannot imagine how overwhelming that feels.

00:12:40.460 It reminds me of, um, I did a late night set one time for Craig, Craig Ferguson. Yeah. And

00:12:49.260 it never aired because I think it was too edgy or something they said. And I was heartbroken,

00:12:53.620 dude. I was like, Oh, I'd worked so hard and put the set together. Um, but that was nerve

00:12:59.780 wracking. That was like one of the most nerve wracking moments. Cause you kind of know what

00:13:03.620 you want to do, but you haven't been in this instance where like there's like, for me,

00:13:07.860 there was like a lot of heat would build up around my neck and you're, you want to make

00:13:11.100 sure your words get out clearly. Uh, that was, that was, that was super frustrating for me.

00:13:17.040 I know you did a late night set. Did you do Fallon? Yeah. Which one? Uh, congratulations by

00:13:23.360 the way. Was there any different feeling between those two things or did one feel easier? I think

00:13:28.520 Fallon felt easier because he's not there to be mean to me. That's a good point. But he's not

00:13:36.680 hiding your wheelchair while you're up there. Like Redman will sell it on Etsy. Redman just

00:13:42.960 sell my seat cushion on it. No, that's hilarious. And he would too. That guy, dude, shout out

00:13:54.520 Redman who people are like, well, what does he look like? You're like, let's say sniff a seat

00:13:59.300 cushion. Does that tell you? But very successful. Yeah. Sniffs seat cushions for fun. Yeah. For

00:14:09.900 fun. That's true. For fun. I don't, yeah. I don't think he wouldn't maybe do it for profit. No,

00:14:13.740 he doesn't need to. That's a good point. Yeah. He's making good money. Dude, there you are

00:14:17.740 right there. Yeah. And they let me plug the, the foundation to raise money for my disease.

00:14:27.800 And that was cool. What do you notice the differences between like doing a set on a,

00:14:31.940 on Kill Tony and a set on Fallon? Because that's not a lot of people have probably had that exact

00:14:35.720 experience. Like the way, like for me or the way it exists in the world. Just kind of the way it

00:14:41.460 exists in the world. Yeah. Um, I think Fallon impressed my like grandparents, which finally they're

00:14:51.660 like, Oh, she is a comedian. You know what I mean? That's true. Yeah. So that was like something,

00:14:57.800 my mom can send to people and be like, look at my daughter. But with Kill Tony, they definitely

00:15:05.260 have a bigger reach now. You know, late night is not the same, I think. Yeah. Cause I think

00:15:12.580 people just, less people have cable. People are more tuned into their phones. Right. Kill Tony

00:15:17.860 is definitely more divisive. Yeah. You know? And so people make a lot of assumptions about me

00:15:27.480 through that. There was, I don't know. Yeah. It's more divisive. He almost sunk Puerto Rico. Remember

00:15:32.120 that? That was crazy. That was crazy, dude. And then they probably would have got sued. They

00:15:40.040 would have lost the show. They would have changed the name to Kill Puerto Rico, probably.

00:15:44.100 Which would have been a lot, I feel like. Yeah, a lot of people can't spell Puerto Rico.

00:15:48.520 Yeah. But there is this thing though, where it's like, uh, yeah, you do a certain thing

00:15:54.160 and people can see that and that appeases them. That's kind of an interesting thing as a comedian.

00:15:59.240 I think it's kind of an interesting thing almost in anybody's walk of life with work because

00:16:02.860 you're like, oh, if I do this, then my dad, he'll understand that, that to him equals success

00:16:08.220 or to my grandparents, that to them equals success. Right. And it's different for everyone,

00:16:13.080 but it, it's like this. I feel like part of being a comedian is being like, but there's

00:16:17.880 always going to be that one person that doesn't believe I'm doing anything real and I have to

00:16:23.180 prove it. Uh, that's just me. Yeah. I wonder if there's always like somebody in the back of a

00:16:29.860 comedian's head that like fuels them. Right. They're like one day I'll get that person or

00:16:34.660 I bet there probably is. I bet there probably is for everybody. I bet it, it would be pretty

00:16:40.660 fascinating to learn like what really fuels like some of the ways that we operate and the choices

00:16:45.020 that we make. Cause it could be like one or two people that said something when you were young

00:16:49.000 or one person's look that gave you a certain feeling and you're like, and it just ignited this

00:16:53.900 thing inside of you. The words of when you hold onto those two words that looked and they're like,

00:16:59.620 I don't remember that. You're like that dictated my future. Yeah. You're like, I'd still be,

00:17:07.360 I would have kept walking. Yeah. I stopped walking because of that.

00:17:14.100 Yeah. That's crazy. Um, Oh dude, did you see that? What did I see the other day? Oh,

00:17:19.980 they have an autistic Barbie. Now did you see that? I did see that. Do people send a lot of that

00:17:25.560 stuff to you? Like, Hey, wheelchair Barbie or just like, what do we think of this? Like

00:17:29.520 if there's some sort of like, I'm like the voice of reason for any disability. Yeah. You're like

00:17:35.840 the, um, what's that? You're like the, the show where the chairs turn around. What is that?

00:17:39.840 Oh, you're like the voice. Yeah. You're like the voice for, uh, for disabilities and stuff.

00:17:45.140 People are like, Hey, is this not pushing my button? Yeah. Oh, autistic Barbie. That

00:17:50.720 bitch ain't getting shit. I'm like, I put headphones on her. Cool. But those aren't

00:17:58.160 headphones. I think those are just noise canceling earmuffs. Oh yeah. Yeah. I think, I think

00:18:04.220 those are just those things that help autistic people kind of operate. They used to do earmuffs

00:18:08.420 so now they kind of made them fancy or something. Yeah. Made them fashion. Mattel is introducing

00:18:14.100 an autistic Barbie as the newest member of its line intended to celebrate diversity developed

00:18:19.360 in partnership with a nonprofit organization that advocates for the rights and better media

00:18:23.440 representation of people with autism. I think I find that kind of weird though, because autism

00:18:31.760 isn't visible generally. It's like how you, it's how you function and it's a Barbie. So

00:18:40.360 couldn't any Barbie be autistic? First of all, I've met a lot of Barbies in the world and

00:18:47.360 these bitches are missing something. That's true. Okay. A lot of these bitches are picking

00:18:51.580 up odd signals. You know, a lot of times from like a Hermes or something, they're like, Oh,

00:18:55.760 I just got a update from an Hermes somewhere or something, which is like a fancy shot.

00:19:00.380 Okay. I'm like, I show up on Amazon. I'm sorry. Yeah. Sorry. Yeah. That was maybe a bad

00:19:05.940 reference. Um, why is she Hispanic? And is there Hispanic autism? Look it up. Who's got

00:19:16.560 the most autism? Feels like a white people sport. Yeah. Well, white people will create any new

00:19:24.340 sport to try and like, like keep away from having to compete against black folks. Yeah. Anything.

00:19:30.380 we can do. Yeah. It's like, Oh, my disease is only white people. Your disease is only white

00:19:37.120 people. Let's go. I like that. And we barely landed that fist bump. Uh, but let's go.

00:19:48.000 Yeah. Oh, sorry, Barbie. Yeah. They should have, they should, dude, you should have a Barbie. That'd

00:19:59.120 be so great. Fiona Barbie based on the most recent data from the centers for disease control and

00:20:03.260 prevention published in April, 2025, Asian Pacific Islander children and American Indian Alaskan

00:20:08.720 native children had the highest reported prevalence of autism. So Asians, but they were going to have it

00:20:14.380 do you can like a lot of Asians that I knew and that have been known over the years by

00:20:21.120 people. It seems like a lot more is going on inside than outside. And I feel like if

00:20:28.360 you get, you put too much traffic on those inner streets, you're going to end up bumper

00:20:33.300 to bumper in there. And that's, I feel like we're autism really shows up. And that's not

00:20:36.940 a scientific definition of autism, but a lot of Asian people, you just want to go up to

00:20:41.480 them and be like, what are you doing in there? You know, especially in my generation, because

00:20:45.340 they were very quiet. You would rarely get a word out of an, out of a, um, Asian guy.

00:20:51.900 How many Asian people did you know growing up?

00:20:55.520 We had one, we didn't have, well, we almost had one. We had, yeah, dude, there was a rumor

00:21:02.780 that there was an Asian guy. Well, here's what happened. There was a rumor that there was

00:21:06.680 an Asian guy in this town near, near us called Slidell, Louisiana. And it was like 17 miles

00:21:11.060 away. So me and my buddy Scotty and some other guys, we cut grass for like three weeks and

00:21:16.060 saved up money to go see this guy. Right. Because dude, we don't know when we're getting, yeah,

00:21:21.360 we don't know when we're getting another one, dude. And so we get over there and here's what

00:21:25.800 had happened. A pizza hut. Remember they had those unique rooftops had burned down to the

00:21:31.200 ground. And people had started saying that an Asian person was living in there. It was

00:21:36.400 like just a myth or whatever. Bring up that pizza roof, bring up pizza, pizza hut, red roof,

00:21:43.320 that one. So imagine that completely down on the ground. Now imagine you don't know a lot

00:21:49.900 of information. Okay. Now imagine somebody tells you there's an Asian living in there.

00:21:55.120 Uh-huh. You got me. I'm with you. And that's what happened. That word traveled us and we

00:22:01.840 went over there and all it was, was a burned down pizza hut. But that's something that happened.

00:22:06.780 It's like, you never know what can happen. If there's fire, if there's foul play.

00:22:11.120 What did you think was going to happen if you found an Asian person in the hut?

00:22:17.600 We didn't know there would be a hut. We thought it would be like a place of living. We thought

00:22:22.100 it would be a, I don't know, a lean to, whatever. And we had no idea what an Asian lives in or

00:22:27.540 whatever, an egg. You know what I'm saying? We had no idea of what it could be. We just

00:22:32.240 knew if we get there, we'll see them. And, uh, and we didn't. Fool's gold or fool's yellow.

00:22:41.380 Oh my.

00:22:42.100 So, and that's too much. That's too much.

00:22:45.700 No, I love that.

00:22:46.500 Um, but dude, I wonder what the Barbies, like, I wonder if the Barbies are low-key like the

00:22:52.140 Simpsons where over the years they've slowly been predicting the future, like, cause they

00:22:55.740 had like.

00:22:56.980 They definitely have wheelchair Barbies.

00:22:59.780 They did?

00:23:00.600 Yeah, everyone sends me that. But I want electrical.

00:23:05.520 Everyone sends you that?

00:23:06.580 Yeah.

00:23:06.980 And what do they say? Do you want this for Christmas or whatever? That's crazy.

00:23:14.880 I mean, it's been going on since before I was a comedian. Like, random people would send

00:23:20.020 me.

00:23:22.340 Just thinking of you or something?

00:23:24.860 Yeah, I'm like, thank you. Thank you. My hands don't work. I can't look at them. Oh,

00:23:31.740 they have Down syndrome Barbie?

00:23:34.300 Oh, that's cool.

00:23:35.440 Cool. Interesting.

00:23:38.860 I guess you could, I mean, look at the, I mean, look at the group up there and the black

00:23:47.840 girl does her hair like that to keep it out of the wheels or whatever. It's like, what

00:23:52.440 are we? This is great, right? It's great stuff. But some of this stuff, I just wonder, are

00:23:58.640 they, I guess it's just all about inclusion. There are a lot of people that are facing different,

00:24:02.520 like disabilities or handicaps. Do you say handicaps? What do you, what do you, what do you, what's

00:24:08.080 kind of the preference, you know?

00:24:08.900 So I actually recently learned it's, it's person by person. All people feel different.

00:24:14.920 But for me, I prefer like disability, disabled. I think handicaps, it's like a, like a thing,

00:24:23.420 like a handicap parking spot or stall, you know?

00:24:27.440 Yeah, or handicap placard, like that thing that people hang.

00:24:29.800 Right. Like it's like an item, but I'm a person with a disability.

00:24:33.800 Do you use handicap parking?

00:24:35.920 Yeah.

00:24:36.880 Fuck yeah.

00:24:37.440 Yeah. It's worth it.

00:24:40.720 It's worth it.

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00:26:00.560 This show is sponsored by Liquid IV. Sometimes I get off stage and I'm a little bit, you know,

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00:27:07.660 and get 20% off your first order with code Theo at checkout. That's 20% off your first order

00:27:14.920 with code Theo at liquidiv.com. What are some of the things that people don't realize? And I'm sorry,

00:27:24.040 if some of this is just like general questions, you probably get all the time. What are some things

00:27:28.920 that people don't realize about dealing with a disability or having an affliction that people

00:27:35.980 kind of take for granted that's like super easy? And then what are some things that are kind of nice

00:27:39.500 about it? Because I was at a parade not long ago and I was, and this is fucked up. And I was like,

00:27:46.560 God, I, if I were in a wheelchair, I could sit down right now. And I totally thought of that because

00:27:53.160 I've been standing for like four hours and I was like, oh, and my friend lost his dog at a parade.

00:27:58.400 And dude, this is the worst thing. He lost it and it ran into like a gay section of the parade,

00:28:02.940 right? Like along the parade route. So we're walking up and I'm like, oh man, like I love gay

00:28:08.920 people, you know, but I love them at a, um, you know, I don't want to be in there loving him or

00:28:12.960 whatever, end up getting coked out or whatever. So, but when that talk ran into there, I'm like,

00:28:17.980 dude, we cannot go. Like most of the people were shirtless and just like be like everybody's on

00:28:23.340 ecstasy. Right. And I'm with my buddy and he's like, dude, we have to fucking find him. He's like,

00:28:29.020 he's fucking lost in here. And his dog's name, this is the worst part of his name, Benjamin. Right.

00:28:32.140 So he's like his bed, Benjamin. He's just yelling Benjamin in this gay rave, dude. And my buddy's

00:28:39.020 kind of like a handsome guy, dude. And he's like, whistling. Benjamin. And even sometimes even just

00:28:53.380 the men part, some people wouldn't turn at the Benja, but at the men, they would just flip around.

00:28:58.040 Oh, that was a nightmare, bro. And he lost his dog for like a week. And then somebody brought it

00:29:04.040 back. Oh my God. That was a blessing. The dog came back gay.

00:29:10.460 The dog's like, he had, like he hit his bone. He hit like half of it's poking out of his butt.

00:29:16.200 He's like, you'll never guess where I hit that thing.

00:29:24.920 That's very funny. Dogs can absolutely show same sex, sexual and bonding behaviors, but scientists

00:29:30.880 are cautious about calling that being gay in the human identity scene. I think that makes sense.

00:29:36.820 Some dogs will mildly hump another dog, but it's almost just like two guys at the gym that keep

00:29:40.880 high-fiving or because they don't know how to express themselves verbally.

00:29:44.800 Yeah. That's kind of how I look at that.

00:29:46.760 Yeah. I thought it was just a dominance thing.

00:29:51.040 The sex part?

00:29:52.700 The humping.

00:29:54.160 I could see that. Because I guess it's dominant

00:29:56.980 between male and female. It's like a man

00:29:59.140 will, like at one point. Men hate

00:30:01.100 when you hump them. Yeah.

00:30:03.100 Yeah, I'll tell you what.

00:30:04.320 What, um, you know, oh, you can have Celsius?

00:30:12.640 Oh, hell yeah.

00:30:15.960 But does that make, like, have you ever had so much you're just like, I'm out of here.

00:30:23.000 I like Kool-Aid man myself too.

00:30:28.200 Yeah, sorry.

00:30:30.200 She said, I like Kool-Aid man myself out of the room.

00:30:35.220 They're great!

00:30:36.320 Or whatever.

00:30:37.180 Why did all those cartoons just break down walls

00:30:39.840 and furniture? That was fucking crazy.

00:30:42.120 I don't know.

00:30:44.100 Fucking handymen watching

00:30:45.920 that, like, not again.

00:30:49.200 Dude, the guys

00:30:49.960 had one cup of Kool-Aid and he just

00:30:52.020 ruined mom's kitchen.

00:30:53.500 What is in this?

00:30:57.420 Oh, man.

00:30:58.980 What were some of the first times

00:31:00.140 whenever, like, your, um, whenever

00:31:01.660 Friedrich's Ataxia came along, what were some of the

00:31:03.620 the early signs?

00:31:04.640 And did you misplace it for something else?

00:31:06.620 Oh, this is good.

00:31:08.540 So,

00:31:09.460 when I was

00:31:10.820 15,

00:31:13.360 it started,

00:31:14.160 I started walking weird.

00:31:16.040 I was a volleyball player.

00:31:17.820 and I couldn't do, like,

00:31:20.160 the practices

00:31:21.160 who would do suicides.

00:31:23.720 You know what I mean?

00:31:24.600 Yeah.

00:31:25.140 And I would start, like,

00:31:26.820 falling a little bit,

00:31:27.880 just getting clumsy.

00:31:29.220 My coach was like,

00:31:30.500 you're, you know,

00:31:31.820 not taking this seriously.

00:31:33.100 I thought I was high.

00:31:35.040 Did they bench you?

00:31:36.120 Yeah.

00:31:36.840 And so I...

00:31:38.600 Which is where you were

00:31:39.700 going to end up anyway,

00:31:40.700 which is insane.

00:31:42.340 They were just getting me prepared

00:31:44.220 for my future.

00:31:45.780 They were like,

00:31:46.240 sit down,

00:31:46.900 you should be real good at this.

00:31:53.320 Oh, man.

00:31:54.400 That's so good.

00:31:56.480 And did your parents

00:31:57.500 pick up on it pretty quick?

00:31:58.780 I mean,

00:31:59.080 how did that kind of go?

00:32:00.220 This can make you so mad.

00:32:01.920 It is?

00:32:02.420 Yeah.

00:32:03.400 Maybe.

00:32:04.220 Why, were your parents drinking and stuff?

00:32:05.440 Were they having a tough time?

00:32:06.460 Oh, well, yeah.

00:32:08.120 Yeah.

00:32:09.640 But...

00:32:10.160 But, no.

00:32:13.640 So, 15,

00:32:14.880 I was like,

00:32:15.500 something's wrong.

00:32:16.660 My principal was like,

00:32:17.960 smelling my breath

00:32:18.980 because she thought I was drunk

00:32:20.580 because I would spill everything,

00:32:23.280 drop everything,

00:32:24.200 or talk to her.

00:32:24.940 I get it.

00:32:25.920 And the red hair, too, probably.

00:32:27.380 Yeah, yeah.

00:32:27.940 That's, like,

00:32:28.580 number one indicator.

00:32:30.160 Yeah.

00:32:30.600 You're St. Patrick's daughter in here.

00:32:32.680 Something was wrong.

00:32:34.240 Yeah.

00:32:34.480 And then,

00:32:36.780 I went to my mom,

00:32:38.840 and I was like,

00:32:39.460 I think I need to go to the doctor.

00:32:42.060 I don't know what,

00:32:42.960 but something.

00:32:44.300 And my older sister had health issues

00:32:47.080 that weren't this,

00:32:50.380 but, like, different stuff.

00:32:52.040 And so, my mom was like...

00:32:52.900 Like, what, like, acne or whatever?

00:32:54.480 Well, yeah.

00:32:55.700 But, like, scoliosis and stuff.

00:32:58.200 Oh, God.

00:32:58.460 I'm sorry.

00:32:59.180 Yeah.

00:33:00.220 Wow.

00:33:00.980 I'm just kidding.

00:33:03.120 And that's so...

00:33:04.120 Dude,

00:33:04.480 and I'm very sorry.

00:33:05.760 God.

00:33:06.400 And that shows what, like,

00:33:07.280 that shows what, like,

00:33:09.640 somebody who doesn't have to deal

00:33:10.780 with a common ailment

00:33:11.420 thinks of as, like, issues.

00:33:13.100 I agree.

00:33:13.620 Yeah.

00:33:14.060 That's actually so real.

00:33:15.620 Oh.

00:33:17.120 No.

00:33:18.240 I love it.

00:33:20.900 But she was like,

00:33:22.240 you're copying your sister.

00:33:24.540 Because my sister walked away,

00:33:26.200 but we blamed it on other stuff,

00:33:28.240 and I had nothing wrong with me.

00:33:30.760 And then I kind of got in trouble

00:33:34.340 for faking it by my family a lot,

00:33:38.480 and yada, yada.

00:33:39.720 Then once I turned 18,

00:33:41.900 it was my senior year of high school.

00:33:44.420 So you had to go that long

00:33:45.500 dealing with it?

00:33:46.280 Mm-hmm.

00:33:46.740 And would it always be there,

00:33:48.260 or is it just kind of

00:33:49.320 every now and then?

00:33:49.840 It was getting worse.

00:33:51.040 Yeah, it was always all the time.

00:33:53.440 I didn't know why.

00:33:55.540 Like, I used to get in trouble

00:33:57.020 because I would,

00:33:58.020 there was, like,

00:33:58.640 an elevator in the school

00:34:00.360 for, like,

00:34:01.440 people that broke their legs

00:34:02.980 or whatever,

00:34:04.220 and I would use it,

00:34:05.620 and I got detention all the time

00:34:07.880 because I would fall down

00:34:09.100 the stairs all the time,

00:34:10.400 and I didn't know why.

00:34:11.600 Oh, my God.

00:34:12.220 I couldn't even laugh at this.

00:34:13.760 Sorry.

00:34:14.480 I'm not laughing.

00:34:15.320 There's something wrong

00:34:15.760 with my face in the voice box.

00:34:17.180 Oh, that's insane.

00:34:22.820 And did you,

00:34:23.760 was part of you still unsure, too?

00:34:25.760 Because I'm sure

00:34:26.120 if a lot of your surroundings

00:34:27.000 are like,

00:34:27.360 nah, you're just not

00:34:27.960 figuring this out correctly,

00:34:28.860 was part of you

00:34:29.360 still kind of unsure, too?

00:34:30.540 Well, I, my,

00:34:32.280 I was gaslit, like, crazy.

00:34:34.980 I fully thought

00:34:35.980 I had a mental issue,

00:34:37.420 and I was making this all up.

00:34:40.880 Like, I, I really,

00:34:42.780 I just wanted an answer.

00:34:44.520 I fully believed

00:34:45.740 it was something

00:34:46.460 I could get fixed

00:34:47.940 before I went to college.

00:34:49.540 Like, I did not think

00:34:50.920 it would be this serious.

00:34:52.480 Yeah.

00:34:53.600 So at 18,

00:34:54.780 I went,

00:34:55.380 I took myself

00:34:56.480 to a neurologist.

00:34:58.740 I eventually ended up

00:34:59.880 being a neurologist,

00:35:01.240 but I had to involve

00:35:02.540 my mom in that,

00:35:04.260 and she was like,

00:35:05.200 fine, but, like,

00:35:06.400 this has to be

00:35:07.300 the end of the road

00:35:08.680 for the,

00:35:09.200 like, they were so sick

00:35:10.640 of me

00:35:11.300 being like,

00:35:12.720 something's wrong,

00:35:13.860 you know?

00:35:14.620 And then I was right.

00:35:16.460 And then they were like,

00:35:17.720 oh, my God,

00:35:18.440 what's wrong

00:35:19.120 with your sister?

00:35:20.600 And they got her tested,

00:35:22.040 same shit.

00:35:22.800 And my little brother,

00:35:24.720 a year and a half ago,

00:35:26.080 got tested,

00:35:27.140 and he has it too big

00:35:28.360 and still walks, so.

00:35:29.760 So you cracked the code, really?

00:35:31.000 Yeah,

00:35:31.540 I ruined our family.

00:35:33.040 Yeah.

00:35:34.780 It's another way

00:35:35.860 of saying that, yeah.

00:35:36.900 Yeah,

00:35:37.100 if you never figure it out,

00:35:38.400 you're just a bunch

00:35:39.200 of people who, like,

00:35:39.800 You're just a bunch

00:35:40.780 of weeble wobble.

00:35:42.140 Yeah, dude.

00:35:42.940 You're just a bunch

00:35:43.640 of people who just

00:35:44.280 break out into the

00:35:44.920 electric slide

00:35:45.660 every now and then.

00:35:48.120 That's insane, dude.

00:35:49.960 You're just doing

00:35:50.560 the Cupid shuffle.

00:35:51.700 Your mom's like,

00:35:52.420 stop Cupid shuffling.

00:35:55.680 Wow.

00:35:56.420 And so was that, like,

00:35:57.760 was that almost,

00:35:59.220 was that, like,

00:36:00.120 a real breakthrough

00:36:00.880 moment for your family?

00:36:01.740 Like, oh, my God,

00:36:02.520 this is what's been going on?

00:36:03.860 And for your sisters as well?

00:36:05.100 Um, yeah,

00:36:07.200 my mom felt so bad.

00:36:09.920 Oh.

00:36:10.500 Like, cried and,

00:36:12.160 you know,

00:36:12.460 because she had been

00:36:13.180 telling me I was wrong.

00:36:15.100 And I was just excited

00:36:17.680 to be right.

00:36:19.140 So I didn't even, like,

00:36:20.920 hear under,

00:36:22.200 I was 18.

00:36:23.560 Yeah.

00:36:23.740 I didn't get the seriousness

00:36:25.360 of it.

00:36:26.220 And I was like,

00:36:26.820 fuck you,

00:36:27.440 fuck you,

00:36:27.960 fuck you,

00:36:28.420 you know,

00:36:28.920 like, I'm celebrating

00:36:30.040 that she was wrong

00:36:31.840 and I was right.

00:36:33.000 Oh, yeah.

00:36:33.540 You know what I mean?

00:36:33.980 You're just like,

00:36:34.240 get fucked,

00:36:34.840 I'm a vape.

00:36:38.420 I'm a vape.

00:36:40.660 Yeah, dude.

00:36:41.740 Did they think,

00:36:42.460 was that ever part of it,

00:36:43.280 like, oh,

00:36:43.500 you're just vaping too much

00:36:44.640 or whatever?

00:36:45.160 Yeah, I smoked a lot of weed

00:36:47.320 in high school, too.

00:36:48.720 What?

00:36:48.860 I partied a lot.

00:36:50.680 And then I got diagnosed

00:36:51.900 and I partied even more.

00:36:53.540 Did you?

00:36:53.820 So I was like,

00:36:54.260 what's the point of all this?

00:36:56.420 Oh, did you go through

00:36:57.380 a point where you were,

00:36:58.160 like, depressed about life

00:36:59.140 and stuff?

00:36:59.480 Oh, for six, seven years.

00:37:01.700 No way.

00:37:02.560 Yeah.

00:37:03.260 Oh.

00:37:03.660 It was hard to, like,

00:37:05.120 find a reason.

00:37:07.040 I was like,

00:37:07.500 why am I in college now?

00:37:09.660 Like, I don't have a future.

00:37:12.120 Right, like,

00:37:12.580 I'm not going to be a farmer

00:37:13.560 or, like,

00:37:14.040 a pharmacist.

00:37:16.480 But,

00:37:16.560 but I guess you could still think,

00:37:19.980 I mean,

00:37:20.400 do you think,

00:37:21.000 looking back on that,

00:37:21.740 that there was different ways

00:37:22.640 you could have gone

00:37:23.280 with that thought process

00:37:24.420 or just kind of,

00:37:25.240 that's just where you were?

00:37:26.180 Because I,

00:37:27.080 it's tough for somebody

00:37:28.360 to just imagine

00:37:28.980 what they would be like

00:37:29.720 in that scenario.

00:37:30.880 I think...

00:37:31.400 I'm sorry to go through that.

00:37:32.520 That's hectic.

00:37:33.060 Hey,

00:37:33.940 it builds character

00:37:35.580 if you make it out,

00:37:37.040 you know?

00:37:38.080 Um,

00:37:38.940 and I'm grateful for that.

00:37:40.760 I wouldn't be who I am today.

00:37:42.660 I have more perspective now

00:37:44.600 than I think most 29-year-olds do,

00:37:48.440 probably.

00:37:49.620 I don't know.

00:37:50.440 I think it's important

00:37:52.020 when you're given something

00:37:54.400 that's serious

00:37:55.260 and kind of life-altering

00:37:56.860 to, like,

00:37:57.440 allow yourself to mourn.

00:38:00.480 Because I'm mourning

00:38:01.800 what I thought I had,

00:38:03.600 right?

00:38:04.120 Ah.

00:38:04.460 And I'm trying to, like,

00:38:05.840 get accustomed

00:38:07.020 to what I know

00:38:08.360 I'm going to have

00:38:09.740 or not have in the future,

00:38:11.480 you know?

00:38:12.400 And humans,

00:38:13.860 we are,

00:38:14.980 we adapt.

00:38:16.460 I'm fine.

00:38:17.600 People feel bad for me

00:38:18.920 and I'm like,

00:38:19.460 you bought tickets to my show.

00:38:21.240 I'm doing all right,

00:38:22.840 you know?

00:38:23.480 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:38:24.160 Yeah.

00:38:24.720 I'm happy.

00:38:26.200 Yeah, I've never felt bad for you.

00:38:27.720 I mean,

00:38:27.980 I guess,

00:38:28.700 yeah,

00:38:28.900 I guess some people

00:38:29.540 probably could get in a space

00:38:30.660 where they feel bad.

00:38:31.440 I feel bad that you felt that way.

00:38:33.300 I feel bad that's such a,

00:38:35.480 that's heart,

00:38:36.240 that's heart-wrenching

00:38:37.400 for somebody to,

00:38:38.220 I think,

00:38:39.060 have something that occurs

00:38:40.440 in their life

00:38:41.100 and then feel like maybe,

00:38:42.880 when you look back on that feeling,

00:38:44.080 are you able to think,

00:38:44.740 like,

00:38:44.820 did you feel like

00:38:45.720 you didn't have,

00:38:46.180 like,

00:38:46.240 a lot of hope

00:38:47.080 or did you feel like,

00:38:48.440 was it like,

00:38:48.960 woe is me

00:38:49.740 and all those things

00:38:50.640 are normal,

00:38:51.180 I could imagine

00:38:52.140 it would be very normal

00:38:52.860 to feel.

00:38:53.480 Yeah.

00:38:55.960 I think hope,

00:38:58.000 because before that,

00:38:59.420 I was pretty religious

00:39:01.320 for a while.

00:39:02.920 I really,

00:39:03.200 I believe in God

00:39:04.300 and all that,

00:39:05.560 not religious,

00:39:06.700 but I was like spiritual.

00:39:08.140 I believed in a higher power

00:39:09.800 and that happened

00:39:11.160 and it kind of

00:39:12.260 took the air out

00:39:13.920 of all of it

00:39:14.640 for me

00:39:15.220 and I was like,

00:39:16.960 what do I do?

00:39:19.040 You know,

00:39:19.420 I haven't even had time

00:39:21.060 to, like,

00:39:21.600 get the karma

00:39:22.320 for this kind of information,

00:39:24.720 you know.

00:39:27.960 I'm sorry,

00:39:28.780 what was the question?

00:39:29.860 I don't know.

00:39:30.240 I forgot where I was going.

00:39:32.560 I think just thinking about,

00:39:33.620 like,

00:39:33.760 what it's like,

00:39:34.360 like,

00:39:34.600 to have,

00:39:35.200 like,

00:39:35.300 a prognosis like that

00:39:36.220 and then to think about,

00:39:37.300 like,

00:39:37.600 or, yeah,

00:39:37.940 what it's like

00:39:38.400 to have something

00:39:39.200 come into your life

00:39:39.820 that's big

00:39:40.560 and that affects you

00:39:41.400 in such a way

00:39:42.120 and then to look back

00:39:44.580 and think,

00:39:45.600 like,

00:39:46.440 yeah,

00:39:47.400 what was I thinking

00:39:48.100 at that moment?

00:39:48.780 Was I,

00:39:49.240 like,

00:39:49.760 depressed?

00:39:51.540 Was I hopeless

00:39:53.560 or did I doubt hope?

00:39:56.800 I thought it was interesting

00:39:57.780 that you said,

00:39:58.280 like,

00:39:58.360 we mourn things.

00:40:00.180 I know that's something

00:40:01.080 that I don't do well

00:40:01.880 these days in my life

00:40:02.820 is take time

00:40:03.720 to mourn things.

00:40:04.520 Like,

00:40:05.060 even if it's just

00:40:05.720 kind of like

00:40:06.240 something heavy happens,

00:40:08.360 you know,

00:40:08.620 it's like I'll just

00:40:09.240 get back on my phone

00:40:10.160 or I'll find something

00:40:11.000 to distract me

00:40:12.020 and when I'm distracting

00:40:13.320 myself,

00:40:13.840 even just my eyes

00:40:14.700 and my focus,

00:40:17.440 I'm distracting

00:40:18.200 my ability to process

00:40:19.680 through some of those things,

00:40:21.520 you know?

00:40:23.200 But,

00:40:23.620 yeah,

00:40:23.800 to mourn something

00:40:24.560 is like that.

00:40:25.000 It's almost like

00:40:25.380 driving by an old house

00:40:26.280 or something

00:40:26.720 or driving by a place

00:40:27.920 you used to live at

00:40:28.700 or,

00:40:29.160 like,

00:40:29.240 even a snake

00:40:29.780 when he sheds his skin,

00:40:30.660 I bet he probably

00:40:31.080 looks back at least once

00:40:32.240 and is like,

00:40:33.280 damn nice

00:40:34.080 to be that.

00:40:35.080 There's the old Buick.

00:40:35.800 That was cool.

00:40:37.040 Yeah.

00:40:38.340 Just like that.

00:40:40.680 So,

00:40:41.240 like old wheels here

00:40:42.560 that don't work anymore.

00:40:44.560 Yeah,

00:40:44.660 yeah,

00:40:44.900 yeah.

00:40:45.540 It's like,

00:40:46.220 yeah,

00:40:46.360 he looks back,

00:40:46.960 he's like,

00:40:47.220 oh,

00:40:47.380 I can't believe

00:40:47.740 I used to wear

00:40:48.500 Skechers.

00:40:51.540 He just keeps

00:40:52.420 moving along.

00:40:53.220 When you would have,

00:40:58.700 and are we talking

00:40:59.240 too much about

00:40:59.800 your ailment stuff?

00:41:01.480 I don't care.

00:41:02.320 Okay.

00:41:04.200 Because I think

00:41:04.920 it's fascinating to me,

00:41:05.740 I know that you had

00:41:06.500 a series that was called,

00:41:09.020 or that has,

00:41:09.980 a series on YouTube

00:41:11.040 and it's called Capable.

00:41:13.420 Yeah.

00:41:13.940 Right?

00:41:14.360 How have you been able

00:41:15.140 to grab comedy

00:41:15.940 out of some of these

00:41:17.800 different moments

00:41:18.340 and things that you see?

00:41:19.420 Because you probably

00:41:20.100 have such a unique

00:41:21.020 perspective on the world

00:41:22.820 that,

00:41:23.520 that's probably something

00:41:24.460 that's honestly

00:41:24.920 kind of amazing

00:41:25.580 is like,

00:41:26.600 your perspective

00:41:27.280 on society

00:41:28.180 and the way

00:41:28.480 that we operate

00:41:29.000 has got to be

00:41:29.440 super interesting.

00:41:30.720 It is weird.

00:41:32.960 That's funny.

00:41:33.960 I did Capable

00:41:35.320 before comedy.

00:41:37.760 And so,

00:41:38.620 like writing that

00:41:39.600 and like,

00:41:40.360 it wasn't even writing it.

00:41:41.720 I just feel like

00:41:42.240 this happened the other day.

00:41:43.640 I want to reenact it.

00:41:44.800 Like,

00:41:45.000 all of it's true.

00:41:46.580 Like,

00:41:47.180 in my comedy,

00:41:48.480 it's all true.

00:41:49.680 Like,

00:41:50.320 I don't have to make stuff up,

00:41:53.440 but like,

00:41:54.460 it's hard

00:41:55.120 because you don't want

00:41:56.020 all your jokes

00:41:56.920 to be like,

00:41:57.500 wheelchair,

00:41:58.200 wheelchair,

00:41:59.060 but it's like,

00:42:01.140 I experience everything

00:42:02.840 from this vantage point,

00:42:05.580 you know?

00:42:06.240 You talk about like,

00:42:07.340 I walked into the room,

00:42:08.860 stop talking about walking.

00:42:10.400 Yeah.

00:42:11.300 Yeah,

00:42:11.780 you're right.

00:42:13.120 No,

00:42:13.680 you're right.

00:42:14.000 Well,

00:42:14.140 I think it's also,

00:42:14.900 it is a fascinating vantage point,

00:42:16.640 though,

00:42:16.960 because it's a vantage point

00:42:18.300 that a lot of people

00:42:19.160 don't get,

00:42:19.740 that a lot of people

00:42:20.580 don't experience

00:42:21.120 or probably until they get older.

00:42:22.440 Yeah.

00:42:22.900 Or certain,

00:42:23.780 or some,

00:42:24.980 most people probably don't.

00:42:28.300 Yeah,

00:42:28.700 has there ever been like an Uber

00:42:29.660 that like they see you

00:42:30.580 and they kind of shake you off

00:42:31.740 like a picture,

00:42:32.420 like a picture that gets

00:42:33.820 like a pitch called in

00:42:34.760 from the catcher or whatever

00:42:35.660 and you're just kind of like,

00:42:36.760 we're not doing it.

00:42:38.140 I've had so many Uber drivers.

00:42:42.340 Now,

00:42:42.800 I'll like hide

00:42:43.740 and have my able-bodied friends

00:42:45.460 go to their car

00:42:46.180 and open the door

00:42:46.860 and they'll be like,

00:42:47.600 ha,

00:42:48.080 you know,

00:42:48.600 ha,

00:42:49.300 you know,

00:42:50.300 because they'll just drive off.

00:42:52.640 That happens so much.

00:42:54.560 One time I had to Uber,

00:42:55.940 but,

00:42:56.260 oh,

00:42:56.680 wait,

00:42:58.680 this is crazy.

00:42:59.980 Okay.

00:43:00.180 I forgot about this.

00:43:01.300 Okay.

00:43:03.060 I did,

00:43:03.980 okay.

00:43:04.680 There used to be a show

00:43:06.120 or maybe still exists

00:43:07.320 called Stone Cold Sober

00:43:09.000 and it's like teams

00:43:10.440 of three comics

00:43:11.560 against each other

00:43:12.780 and one of you is drunk,

00:43:15.600 one stone,

00:43:16.320 one sober,

00:43:17.280 right?

00:43:17.840 So,

00:43:18.340 I'm on that show

00:43:19.260 and it's like four years ago.

00:43:21.220 And which one are you on it?

00:43:22.520 I'm the drunk one.

00:43:24.040 Okay.

00:43:24.500 Okay,

00:43:24.940 I'm pretty good at that.

00:43:27.020 And,

00:43:27.420 but,

00:43:29.580 because I knew I was drinking

00:43:32.680 and they don't give you free drinks

00:43:35.040 so I drank at my house

00:43:36.820 before I Ubered there.

00:43:39.540 I get a lady Uber driver.

00:43:42.900 Her trunk is full

00:43:44.400 so we have to put my chair in her back seat.

00:43:47.720 My neighbor has to come do it

00:43:49.000 because she won't do it.

00:43:50.120 She's like whacked out.

00:43:52.920 She's an autistic Barbie.

00:43:54.340 That's what we call her.

00:43:56.060 Worse.

00:43:56.860 So much worse.

00:43:58.120 She,

00:43:59.580 I don't know,

00:44:00.780 she was like on drugs

00:44:01.920 that I could not recognize

00:44:03.520 kind of thing.

00:44:04.760 Oh,

00:44:04.980 that's always kind of fun.

00:44:06.060 Yeah,

00:44:06.580 I'm like trying to Google a smell.

00:44:09.060 It's real hard.

00:44:10.160 You're like Googling bath salts

00:44:11.600 and like,

00:44:12.680 I'm like,

00:44:13.300 holding JPEGs up to her.

00:44:20.800 So I had to send the passengers to Frenzy.

00:44:24.540 She's crazy.

00:44:25.620 Car smells weird.

00:44:26.600 She's swerving.

00:44:27.580 It's not good.

00:44:28.600 And I'm like stressed out.

00:44:30.860 And she's ranting.

00:44:32.360 I'm kind of just like pushed up against the side of the car

00:44:35.640 trying to ignore her.

00:44:36.500 What was something was wrong with her vagina?

00:44:38.300 She was talking about

00:44:39.380 Jesus sent her to Nashville from California

00:44:43.740 to save all of us from the liberals.

00:44:47.780 Ooh.

00:44:48.500 Yeah.

00:44:48.920 So thankful for her.

00:44:51.100 No,

00:44:52.920 I'm glad she's here.

00:44:54.680 I'm glad,

00:44:55.340 I'm glad,

00:44:56.180 uh,

00:44:56.640 fucking,

00:44:57.160 uh,

00:44:58.020 Christopher Columba.

00:45:00.620 I'm great.

00:45:01.560 Yeah.

00:45:01.960 Fuck.

00:45:02.180 I was going to try to make a joke,

00:45:03.120 but my brain doesn't work good anymore.

00:45:04.960 Anyway,

00:45:05.780 I'm wrapping up on you.

00:45:07.620 It's not good.

00:45:09.800 Dude,

00:45:10.180 if I catch this,

00:45:11.740 I'd be so bad.

00:45:16.580 Oh,

00:45:17.060 no,

00:45:17.300 take us through,

00:45:17.820 take us through the story though,

00:45:18.860 because that is unbelievable.

00:45:20.000 When you get in a thing,

00:45:20.720 you're like,

00:45:21.000 oh my God,

00:45:21.920 now I'm at the whims of it.

00:45:23.320 If this lady sees one person

00:45:25.420 dressed up in a Civil War outfit,

00:45:27.340 she's going to,

00:45:27.980 she's going to hit him with a vehicle,

00:45:29.520 you know?

00:45:31.040 Um,

00:45:31.580 and,

00:45:32.500 okay,

00:45:33.120 so she's ranting about this.

00:45:34.960 She's swerving.

00:45:35.880 I mean,

00:45:36.300 we're still in my neighborhood

00:45:37.800 and she's almost hitting parked cars.

00:45:40.120 I'm like,

00:45:40.420 hey girl,

00:45:41.300 please look at the road.

00:45:43.860 You know,

00:45:44.180 she's yelling at me.

00:45:45.440 You're trying to use female associated terms.

00:45:47.580 Hey girl.

00:45:48.020 Hey girl,

00:45:48.120 what you doing?

00:45:51.000 Hey queen,

00:45:51.960 there's a car.

00:45:55.720 Hey queen,

00:45:56.700 red light.

00:45:59.360 No,

00:45:59.820 and she's talking about how the liberals are trying to take her guns.

00:46:04.040 Oh yeah.

00:46:04.500 Okay.

00:46:05.240 Well,

00:46:05.400 that could be true,

00:46:06.200 but yeah,

00:46:06.820 but not the time to discuss it.

00:46:08.140 I think everyone's trying to take your guns though.

00:46:10.040 I don't think it's.

00:46:11.600 Oh,

00:46:11.980 that's true.

00:46:12.560 I agree.

00:46:13.100 That's a great point.

00:46:13.860 She's crazy,

00:46:14.080 yeah.

00:46:14.600 That's a great point.

00:46:15.200 Everybody's trying to take it these days.

00:46:16.560 But then I'm not,

00:46:19.260 I'm literally just like,

00:46:20.900 you know,

00:46:22.040 and we're on the interstate and she is ranting about the gun thing,

00:46:26.280 opens the glove box in front of me,

00:46:28.360 pulls the gun out.

00:46:32.240 Sorry,

00:46:32.880 this is so crazy.

00:46:34.260 And again,

00:46:35.260 remember I'm drunk.

00:46:37.520 I'm drunk.

00:46:39.340 And this woman,

00:46:40.900 swerving.

00:46:44.580 She's like a LiAngelo ball fan or something.

00:46:48.220 But like,

00:46:49.160 she's not like threatening to shoot me.

00:46:51.640 It's more like,

00:46:52.680 see,

00:46:53.020 they can't take it,

00:46:54.780 like making a point.

00:46:56.160 Right.

00:46:56.280 They'll never find it here.

00:46:57.380 Right.

00:46:58.040 In this glove box,

00:46:59.000 which is probably just an extension of her.

00:47:00.740 Right.

00:47:01.860 Whatever.

00:47:02.220 No.

00:47:04.280 No.

00:47:04.860 And then,

00:47:05.520 uh,

00:47:06.200 I'm like not looking at her cause I'm crying a little bit.

00:47:09.680 You know,

00:47:10.420 it's just girl stuff.

00:47:13.200 And she's like,

00:47:13.980 Oh,

00:47:14.100 are you on your period?

00:47:15.020 And you're like,

00:47:15.520 no,

00:47:15.940 I'm not on my period.

00:47:18.360 There's an insane.

00:47:19.420 She was like,

00:47:20.000 Oh my God,

00:47:20.460 we're a thing.

00:47:21.000 So.

00:47:23.320 I know.

00:47:23.880 She's like 11,

00:47:25.000 11,

00:47:25.480 make a wish.

00:47:28.100 Did you wish her more ovulation?

00:47:31.580 Okay.

00:47:32.220 This is getting insane.

00:47:35.580 Oh,

00:47:36.000 sorry.

00:47:36.680 I'm being said to Scorpio.

00:47:43.260 Oh man.

00:47:44.880 But I'm not,

00:47:45.640 I'm not looking at her cause I don't want her to say I'm panicking.

00:47:49.480 And so she pokes me in the arm with the.

00:47:53.260 Oh my God.

00:47:55.720 When that's probably,

00:47:56.480 did she know that you couldn't feel it if she poked you in the legs?

00:48:00.060 She wanted to make sure I could.

00:48:02.660 She wanted to make sure you could feel it.

00:48:07.620 And then,

00:48:08.960 so I'm like,

00:48:11.060 I'm like,

00:48:11.740 What is happening?

00:48:14.560 I haven't told that story in so long.

00:48:17.860 Do you tell this on stage?

00:48:19.000 No,

00:48:19.520 I told on stage once.

00:48:21.220 You've got to tell this on stage.

00:48:22.660 This is one of the best stories ever to me,

00:48:24.540 but go on.

00:48:25.080 Sorry.

00:48:25.320 Oh my God.

00:48:26.580 Okay.

00:48:27.180 So I'm panicking.

00:48:28.700 She's got the gun.

00:48:29.860 I'm just saying.

00:48:30.500 And she's still driving?

00:48:31.340 Yes.

00:48:31.900 And she's just.

00:48:32.580 Kind of waving around.

00:48:33.880 Hey,

00:48:34.100 look at me.

00:48:35.140 Hey,

00:48:35.540 yeah.

00:48:36.640 Again,

00:48:37.260 not threatening to shoot me.

00:48:39.500 Just.

00:48:40.300 Right.

00:48:41.460 Got it.

00:48:42.200 Got it.

00:48:42.620 Yeah.

00:48:42.920 Yeah.

00:48:43.300 That mommy's strapped.

00:48:44.860 And she got that Draco on her.

00:48:46.820 And are you.

00:48:48.440 And what are y'all listening to?

00:48:50.180 It's quiet.

00:48:51.340 Oh yes.

00:48:52.280 Yeah.

00:48:52.760 I'm just listening to her rant.

00:48:54.320 I hadn't even thought about that.

00:48:55.900 It was totally quiet.

00:48:57.740 That's the best.

00:48:58.740 When people play too much music or,

00:49:01.220 and this is an all call,

00:49:02.220 but this is from me.

00:49:03.700 And it's just my thoughts.

00:49:05.040 These are my thoughts.

00:49:05.880 If you're an Uber driver or somebody that works in like,

00:49:09.380 uh,

00:49:09.960 operating like trans,

00:49:11.280 uh,

00:49:12.220 what transportation,

00:49:13.620 that sort of thing.

00:49:14.340 If you keep that thing on,

00:49:15.740 that's like right turn in seven seconds that I will never tip somebody.

00:49:19.820 If they have that turn that thing off,

00:49:22.560 have just at least just look at the drawing.

00:49:25.480 The worst is when they ask what music you want to listen to,

00:49:29.640 turn it on.

00:49:30.540 And then that interrupts every 20 seconds.

00:49:33.180 And you're like,

00:49:33.900 the music does.

00:49:35.960 No,

00:49:36.480 the,

00:49:36.920 Oh,

00:49:37.040 they interrupt.

00:49:37.520 It's tall.

00:49:37.880 It's tall.

00:49:38.540 Oh yeah.

00:49:39.360 It's all.

00:49:39.780 Anyway,

00:49:40.080 I ruined your story.

00:49:40.740 Let's go.

00:49:41.340 So you guys are rolling together.

00:49:42.880 So I'm,

00:49:43.760 I'm trying to be chill.

00:49:45.420 Cause I don't want to freak her out.

00:49:47.660 Yeah.

00:49:48.100 You know,

00:49:48.700 for sure.

00:49:49.600 She has a gun.

00:49:51.280 Yeah.

00:49:51.640 Yeah.

00:49:52.540 She has a gun and she's driving you somewhere.

00:49:54.740 Yeah.

00:49:55.000 You don't want to freak out your,

00:49:56.100 uh,

00:49:56.840 captor.

00:49:59.120 I guess that's exactly what you,

00:50:02.140 so I'm,

00:50:03.460 there's like a group text for the show I'm headed to.

00:50:08.280 And so I'm like,

00:50:10.600 but I'm scared.

00:50:11.820 And when at the venue,

00:50:13.340 my Uber driver has a gun,

00:50:14.920 I'm like a live texting.

00:50:17.040 All the guys are like,

00:50:18.300 sorry,

00:50:18.700 not there.

00:50:19.320 I don't think anyone believed me.

00:50:21.260 Yeah.

00:50:21.620 And then there was one girl in the group text that I didn't know at the time.

00:50:27.120 And she was like,

00:50:28.400 Oh my God,

00:50:29.480 I'm hurrying to the venue.

00:50:31.300 I'll try to meet you there.

00:50:32.980 And I was like,

00:50:33.920 please,

00:50:34.300 please,

00:50:34.620 please.

00:50:34.960 We're three minutes away.

00:50:36.420 Two minutes,

00:50:37.180 you know,

00:50:37.620 I get there and no one's there.

00:50:40.580 Um,

00:50:41.620 I am so panicked.

00:50:44.320 And again,

00:50:44.900 my wheelchair is in the backseat and I'm wearing shoes like these with heels.

00:50:51.360 I didn't mean to make that sound.

00:50:52.940 I meant yes.

00:50:55.340 Sorry.

00:50:56.120 That was insane.

00:50:56.760 Your husband's in here.

00:50:57.820 And I,

00:50:58.420 I think I,

00:50:59.560 my body just didn't know what sound to do.

00:51:02.000 Those are nice.

00:51:03.460 Carry on.

00:51:04.240 My body didn't know what sound to do.

00:51:11.440 Well,

00:51:11.680 I think it just picked the wrong sound.

00:51:13.580 I,

00:51:13.780 it's been a tough,

00:51:14.560 it's been a tough year.

00:51:15.720 Okay.

00:51:16.540 It's only January.

00:51:17.460 I know.

00:51:18.100 I'm like,

00:51:18.520 damn.

00:51:21.360 Okay.

00:51:22.560 Okay.

00:51:23.100 Tell us what happens.

00:51:23.780 So we pull up.

00:51:25.340 No one's there.

00:51:26.280 I'm freaking out.

00:51:27.700 Nobody's there.

00:51:28.620 So now she thinks,

00:51:29.600 Oh,

00:51:29.760 this bitch got me running around in circles.

00:51:32.020 I swear.

00:51:32.400 I'm so full of adrenaline.

00:51:37.060 I jump out of the car and pull my own wheelchair out.

00:51:40.880 Wow.

00:51:41.680 So like gun to my head,

00:51:43.660 I can walk.

00:51:45.400 You can make it happen.

00:51:46.200 Yeah.

00:51:49.280 Gosh,

00:51:50.400 that's a lot.

00:51:51.060 That's crazy.

00:51:53.340 She pulled that Draco out that glove box.

00:51:55.520 Yeah.

00:51:56.580 Like really insane.

00:51:59.080 That scared me.

00:52:00.480 So then I got weirder though.

00:52:03.620 You have weirder stories in that?

00:52:04.780 It's same night.

00:52:06.040 Nah.

00:52:07.260 Well,

00:52:08.220 do you want to go there?

00:52:09.720 Carry on.

00:52:10.340 Okay.

00:52:11.320 So I do.

00:52:13.540 I show up at the venue.

00:52:15.100 I'm like hyperventilating,

00:52:17.020 crying,

00:52:17.780 you know,

00:52:18.520 like I'm inside.

00:52:19.880 I'm safe,

00:52:20.440 but I'm panicking.

00:52:21.520 Very scary.

00:52:22.300 Yeah.

00:52:22.820 And everyone's like,

00:52:23.820 Oh my God.

00:52:24.860 And I go to the bar.

00:52:26.080 Cause that sobered me up.

00:52:28.100 And I'm,

00:52:28.940 I don't know.

00:52:29.500 I was like,

00:52:30.060 I'm going to get drunk.

00:52:31.380 I don't know what's happening.

00:52:33.420 Yeah.

00:52:33.720 I don't know what else to do.

00:52:34.420 I'm a human.

00:52:35.220 Right.

00:52:35.820 Yeah.

00:52:36.000 I'm freaking out.

00:52:36.740 I'm alone.

00:52:37.340 I was single at the time.

00:52:38.860 So I didn't like have anyone to be like,

00:52:41.320 please come get me,

00:52:42.900 you know?

00:52:44.280 And so I go to the bar at third ghost and this married couple who I had met at the airport in Las Vegas a couple months back were there.

00:52:56.420 Cause I'd posted online.

00:52:59.160 Oh,

00:52:59.200 and they came to the show.

00:53:00.020 Oh,

00:53:00.260 that's pretty cool.

00:53:00.820 And they were like,

00:53:01.960 I told them cause they were the only ones I knew kind of.

00:53:06.120 And they were like,

00:53:07.040 Oh my God.

00:53:07.600 And they're buying me a bunch of drinks.

00:53:09.380 So I do this show.

00:53:11.580 Um,

00:53:12.660 I bomb.

00:53:15.100 And I.

00:53:15.760 Well,

00:53:15.920 yeah,

00:53:16.220 you had,

00:53:16.740 you had fricking Stockholm syndrome.

00:53:19.380 What do you mean you bombed?

00:53:21.600 You were basically the Elizabeth smart of comedy that night.

00:53:24.460 Like you didn't bomb.

00:53:27.400 You did your best.

00:53:28.720 I feel like after,

00:53:29.760 after being held hostage in what kind of car was it?

00:53:33.240 Do you remember?

00:53:34.140 Oh shit.

00:53:34.760 Like a Nissan Altima.

00:53:36.760 Oh dude.

00:53:38.040 Nissan Altima.

00:53:38.980 people have given birth in those more than any other vehicle in the past 10 years in this country.

00:53:43.900 I almost was given death in one.

00:53:50.320 Yeah,

00:53:50.800 dude.

00:53:50.940 Yeah,

00:53:51.040 white one.

00:53:52.220 Yep.

00:53:52.540 That is the purgatory of existence,

00:53:55.000 dude.

00:53:55.120 If you're in a Nissan Altima,

00:53:56.460 things are headed.

00:53:57.660 Yeah.

00:53:58.400 Up or down.

00:53:59.040 You're not doing great.

00:54:00.460 You're at a,

00:54:00.960 you're at a,

00:54:01.720 uh,

00:54:02.020 confluence in your life.

00:54:03.760 You're at a,

00:54:04.420 you're at a fork in the road.

00:54:05.680 You're at a fork in the road,

00:54:07.000 dude.

00:54:08.400 Oh my God.

00:54:09.200 Okay.

00:54:09.420 So a couple's buying you shots are from Vegas.

00:54:11.680 So I do this show afterwards cause I had told them about that.

00:54:16.140 I was scared to Uber,

00:54:17.980 you know?

00:54:20.060 And so they were like,

00:54:21.580 we'll drive you home.

00:54:23.060 And I was like,

00:54:23.940 okay,

00:54:24.520 thank you.

00:54:25.500 And I,

00:54:26.080 they get me in their car,

00:54:27.700 but you know,

00:54:28.540 and they go,

00:54:30.140 Hey,

00:54:31.100 before we take you home,

00:54:32.660 we want you to come to this bar with us first.

00:54:37.600 And I was like,

00:54:39.000 okay.

00:54:40.200 And so we go to some bar.

00:54:42.000 I'm pretty drunk.

00:54:43.760 Okay.

00:54:44.980 And I get carried upstairs to a VIP area by some security guy.

00:54:53.320 It sounds almost like Cinderella.

00:54:54.920 Oh,

00:54:55.940 Rapunzel.

00:54:57.180 Yeah.

00:54:58.360 All of them.

00:54:59.080 Well,

00:54:59.540 you might have to rappel down too.

00:55:01.100 So who knows?

00:55:02.340 Rappel is just falling for me.

00:55:05.620 Rappel's a nice way to,

00:55:07.080 no.

00:55:08.040 And then I don't know.

00:55:10.220 I'm just sitting in my wheelchair,

00:55:12.360 not approaching anyone,

00:55:14.780 just kind of drinking like quietly.

00:55:17.160 I'm freaked out.

00:55:18.940 Everyone,

00:55:19.360 it's a private party.

00:55:20.700 I don't know who anyone is.

00:55:22.520 They all face tattoos.

00:55:24.020 Like it looks like a biker gang.

00:55:26.840 Maybe like I didn't care though.

00:55:29.940 It might've been Jelly Roll doing one of those booty bootcamp classes or whatever.

00:55:34.480 He does some of those halfway house booty bootcamp classes,

00:55:37.660 I think.

00:55:38.840 But go on.

00:55:39.800 Sorry.

00:55:40.480 I'm ruining your story.

00:55:41.680 No.

00:55:43.940 And,

00:55:44.540 you know,

00:55:45.860 someone's just giving me a new drink every time mine's gone.

00:55:49.380 It's the Kennedy treatment.

00:55:51.260 You know?

00:55:51.560 Yeah.

00:55:51.740 The Kennedy treatment?

00:55:55.220 And,

00:55:55.820 and,

00:55:57.640 I realized there's one guy everyone's like trying to talk to.

00:56:03.220 So I'm like,

00:56:03.700 it must be his party.

00:56:05.820 You know,

00:56:06.360 and he comes up to me at like 2 a.m.

00:56:09.900 And he's like,

00:56:10.640 hey,

00:56:11.320 we're having an after party at my,

00:56:13.820 uh,

00:56:14.840 like apartment or whatever.

00:56:16.240 If you want to come,

00:56:17.640 what's your name?

00:56:18.520 I was like,

00:56:18.900 I'm Fiona.

00:56:19.600 What's yours?

00:56:20.300 And he was like,

00:56:20.800 you can call me Michael.

00:56:22.780 And I was like,

00:56:23.580 okay.

00:56:24.760 And so Michael.

00:56:26.340 Biblical name.

00:56:28.220 Good sign.

00:56:29.920 Michael has his.

00:56:31.540 Michael Myers.

00:56:33.120 Was he wearing a mask?

00:56:34.840 Is that Michael Myers?

00:56:38.340 Yeah.

00:56:39.080 Hell yeah.

00:56:40.140 I get stuff.

00:56:42.980 He cares.

00:56:43.920 He has his security carry me down.

00:56:46.440 And we're all,

00:56:47.660 it's like his posse and me and Michael.

00:56:50.060 I'm,

00:56:50.380 he goes on Instagram story.

00:56:52.440 I'm in the video.

00:56:53.900 And the married couple's being weird to me.

00:56:56.360 And the wife keeps trying to like get on my lap.

00:56:59.120 And Michael didn't like that.

00:57:00.860 And so we had a security,

00:57:02.700 uh,

00:57:03.260 kick them out.

00:57:04.840 And so we get to his apartment.

00:57:07.160 The,

00:57:07.600 uh,

00:57:08.560 elevator opens to his apartment.

00:57:11.720 Ooh,

00:57:12.120 that's rich money.

00:57:13.640 I've,

00:57:13.980 I had never seen that kind of money.

00:57:16.420 That's rich.

00:57:17.060 There was like motorcycles inside.

00:57:19.360 It's huge.

00:57:20.200 And he has like a chef and a bartender.

00:57:22.780 Is it Michael Strahan?

00:57:23.920 Mm.

00:57:24.740 Huh.

00:57:25.640 And carry on.

00:57:26.580 So I'm in there.

00:57:28.180 I have two more guesses.

00:57:30.680 I'm in there.

00:57:32.200 I'm in there.

00:57:33.260 And there is one guy that was at the third ghost show that was tagging along for some

00:57:39.200 reason.

00:57:39.700 He was like a ballerina.

00:57:41.540 Literally.

00:57:41.820 He's a cock.

00:57:42.260 It sounds like.

00:57:42.980 But let's go on.

00:57:43.880 Sorry.

00:57:44.300 I know your husband's in here.

00:57:45.980 Hope everybody's with God.

00:57:48.320 He's a ballerina.

00:57:49.320 He's a male ballerina.

00:57:50.440 Oh yeah.

00:57:51.040 I used to live with a guy.

00:57:52.280 He wasn't a ballerina.

00:57:53.040 What was he?

00:57:53.560 Like one of those frozen ballerina.

00:57:54.920 He was an ice skater.

00:57:56.020 I'm frozen.

00:57:57.740 He was.

00:57:58.760 This dude was a mixed dude too.

00:58:00.960 Wait,

00:58:01.220 this guy was Mexican.

00:58:03.100 Your guy was Mexican?

00:58:04.080 Yeah.

00:58:04.540 My guy was mixed.

00:58:05.800 Black and white.

00:58:06.460 Oh God.

00:58:06.900 Or black and something.

00:58:07.640 Or white and something.

00:58:08.820 Okay.

00:58:09.460 And.

00:58:11.240 Yeah.

00:58:11.720 But he would every now and then he would have a couple of drinks and he would take us

00:58:14.780 outside.

00:58:15.720 He never wanted us to see his craft or whatever.

00:58:17.860 That's what he would say all the time.

00:58:18.740 So he wouldn't invite us to any of his performances or whatever.

00:58:22.840 But every now and then he'd get drunk and he'd take us outside and he would jump sideways

00:58:27.000 over a car.

00:58:29.000 And it was pretty amazing to watch him do it.

00:58:30.620 Anyway,

00:58:31.180 carry on.

00:58:31.960 It's just some mixed guy that I shared an apartment with for a month.

00:58:36.220 Let's go.

00:58:37.260 Sorry,

00:58:37.680 not let's go.

00:58:39.080 I'm enjoying the story.

00:58:41.880 So you're there.

00:58:42.620 It's nice.

00:58:43.640 There's like fancy stuff,

00:58:45.460 outdoor stuff that should be inside.

00:58:47.160 That's when somebody's rich,

00:58:48.240 when they have like a car in the living room or they have motorcycles.

00:58:51.440 I'm like,

00:58:51.760 how'd this get up here?

00:58:53.160 When they make you think about it.

00:58:55.020 Yeah.

00:58:55.580 Yeah.

00:58:56.920 And all the girls,

00:58:58.360 they're very good though,

00:58:59.680 gang.

00:59:00.060 I was like,

00:59:00.820 why the fuck am I here?

00:59:02.380 Like blonde,

00:59:03.460 big fake boobs,

00:59:04.580 like everyone beautiful,

00:59:06.140 covered in tattoos.

00:59:07.180 And this is in Nashville?

00:59:08.160 Uh-huh.

00:59:08.620 Wow.

00:59:09.620 And I'm like,

00:59:11.100 I still don't know where I am.

00:59:12.700 And Michael's feeding me drinks too,

00:59:15.180 but he was like,

00:59:15.840 are you hungry?

00:59:17.040 And he had someone make me pasta and pizza.

00:59:20.780 And there was like a video of him feeding it to me.

00:59:24.000 Really?

00:59:24.480 And then he put his number in my phone and then I had the ballerina drive me home.

00:59:32.680 Wow.

00:59:33.300 And then the next morning I wake up to like 60 missed phone calls from my friends being like,

00:59:39.740 are you alive?

00:59:41.080 Because apparently I was all over this guy's Instagram story and stuff.

00:59:47.400 Do you know who Yellow Wolf is?

00:59:51.980 It was him.

00:59:53.020 Really?

00:59:53.340 Yeah.

00:59:53.960 Yeah.

00:59:54.160 He like saved me that night.

00:59:56.340 He saved you from the swingers?

00:59:58.840 Yeah.

00:59:59.720 Yeah.

01:00:00.080 Oh,

01:00:00.340 that was sweet of him.

01:00:01.240 And he like made sure it was okay.

01:00:03.440 He was very nice.

01:00:04.660 I have not seen him since then.

01:00:07.920 Wow.

01:00:08.600 I saw him.

01:00:10.780 We hung out one night in Los Angeles.

01:00:13.360 I got to check in with him.

01:00:14.740 I haven't talked to him in a while.

01:00:17.240 We kind of,

01:00:18.080 I think he,

01:00:18.780 I think he lives in Nashville or he did.

01:00:21.160 Yeah.

01:00:22.240 At that time.

01:00:23.920 He's having great songs over the years.

01:00:27.680 Yeah,

01:00:28.180 dude,

01:00:28.400 we used to jam to his shit heavy.

01:00:31.300 We used to definitely,

01:00:32.020 oh,

01:00:32.240 dude,

01:00:32.440 being white and being like,

01:00:34.360 fuck them.

01:00:35.260 And then just replace,

01:00:36.780 just who anybody could be them,

01:00:38.220 you know?

01:00:39.560 Dude,

01:00:40.000 we would fucking listen to his shit a lot,

01:00:41.880 dude.

01:00:42.280 Mostly it was against like rich people or whatever.

01:00:44.140 Yeah,

01:00:44.480 fuck them.

01:00:45.400 Yeah.

01:00:45.780 I never was,

01:00:46.300 I never really liked the rich really,

01:00:48.160 you know?

01:00:49.580 Cause we had a ditch in our yard,

01:00:51.380 right?

01:00:52.420 And,

01:00:52.820 uh,

01:00:52.980 it wasn't our yard or whatever.

01:00:54.220 I think the government owned it.

01:00:55.140 Somebody owned it,

01:00:55.840 whatever.

01:00:56.160 We didn't.

01:00:57.360 But,

01:00:58.220 um,

01:00:59.140 in our neighborhood,

01:01:00.360 people would burn trash.

01:01:01.460 That's how they got rid of trash,

01:01:02.540 you know?

01:01:03.100 So people would just burn trash in the ditch.

01:01:04.560 Because a lot of times people would forget to get it out to the curb or sometimes people

01:01:08.040 didn't have the cans or whatever,

01:01:09.340 you know?

01:01:09.500 So people would just always be burning trash in the ditch and we'd be running and jumping

01:01:12.820 through the soot all the time.

01:01:13.980 Right?

01:01:14.640 So we,

01:01:15.340 so from 50 feet away,

01:01:16.620 we look like a group of young African American children,

01:01:19.820 you know,

01:01:20.120 or blacks.

01:01:20.900 Yeah.

01:01:21.760 Um,

01:01:22.860 and anyway,

01:01:24.280 that's not even part of the story.

01:01:25.280 That's just something that happened a lot.

01:01:27.040 But what happened was rich people,

01:01:30.420 there was a rich guy who was a veterinarian or whatever,

01:01:32.500 and he would drive through our neighborhood and he would take like dead animals and stuff

01:01:36.320 out of the trunk and he would throw their bodies out into our like ditch.

01:01:40.620 And like,

01:01:41.380 just like getting rid of them on the way to like some other rich area or whatever,

01:01:44.780 you know?

01:01:45.580 Because our,

01:01:46.020 our,

01:01:46.220 our street was like a pass through between a couple of rich areas kind of.

01:01:49.080 And so they would just,

01:01:50.800 they're like,

01:01:51.680 so it always made me angry at rich people because it'd be like these.

01:01:54.460 What type of dead animals?

01:01:56.180 Dogs.

01:01:56.600 Things that had died,

01:01:57.200 I think of just,

01:01:57.900 that had been put.

01:01:58.900 Dogs?

01:01:59.680 Sorry,

01:02:00.200 and that's the worst one to say.

01:02:01.660 Oh,

01:02:02.320 my God.

01:02:04.000 Oh,

01:02:04.460 dude,

01:02:05.100 I could have said any other one.

01:02:06.760 And hold on.

01:02:07.460 He wasn't,

01:02:08.340 he wasn't like some dogster or whatever,

01:02:10.480 like,

01:02:10.960 or like a Dexter,

01:02:11.920 I mean,

01:02:12.220 sorry.

01:02:12.740 But he,

01:02:13.140 he wasn't,

01:02:14.540 he was a euthanator,

01:02:15.620 he was a veterinarian.

01:02:17.060 And I think he was having to put these animals to sleep.

01:02:18.640 And some of them they would dispose of,

01:02:20.960 you know,

01:02:21.220 this wasn't a time when people would keep their dog.

01:02:22.980 This was a time when a lot of dogs weren't in inside.

01:02:25.180 I feel like you're lying to me.

01:02:26.960 Like I'm a little good.

01:02:28.360 Cause you're like,

01:02:28.900 no,

01:02:29.120 no,

01:02:29.260 no,

01:02:29.460 they're,

01:02:30.060 they're at the farm.

01:02:32.980 Oh no.

01:02:33.600 Yeah.

01:02:33.760 They're safe.

01:02:35.460 They're all alive now.

01:02:37.000 Actually.

01:02:37.640 They're in a special area.

01:02:39.900 So he would get rid of some of the carcasses and stuff.

01:02:42.460 In our neighborhood.

01:02:43.160 And I think when I was a kid,

01:02:44.460 that was like a rich guy.

01:02:45.640 Cause it was a nice car.

01:02:47.060 So I think I associated like,

01:02:48.660 Oh,

01:02:48.900 rich people are like that.

01:02:50.060 Like they just throw out the junk for poor people to deal with,

01:02:53.760 you know?

01:02:54.320 And we're out here fucking.

01:02:55.620 And then we ended up throwing bones at each other and shit.

01:02:58.240 After it would like decay or whatever.

01:03:01.020 So it's so gross.

01:03:02.400 Well,

01:03:02.540 we didn't know.

01:03:03.240 We didn't,

01:03:03.900 we didn't have it.

01:03:04.800 Nobody in our neighborhood had a dog.

01:03:06.260 We didn't have a dog.

01:03:06.860 We had like a couple of dangerous dogs that would travel around the

01:03:09.300 neighborhood and attack people for no reason.

01:03:11.080 So you don't like dogs.

01:03:12.180 Well,

01:03:12.420 we didn't have any like semblance of them.

01:03:14.140 Yeah.

01:03:14.560 Yeah.

01:03:14.760 None of my friends had dogs.

01:03:15.940 They had a dangerous Doberman.

01:03:20.640 Nobody.

01:03:21.000 I knew had a cat growing up.

01:03:22.580 There were some cats that lived outside and we're up to very bad things.

01:03:28.840 Okay.

01:03:29.460 And obviously worked for the Satan.

01:03:32.060 Okay.

01:03:32.460 There's no denying that they worked for the Satan.

01:03:36.080 Oh my God.

01:03:36.900 Yeah.

01:03:37.300 So yeah,

01:03:37.680 people were not,

01:03:39.440 nobody was anti-Animalia in our area,

01:03:41.500 but that wasn't something that people had on a regular basis.

01:03:45.480 I remember the first time I went to my friend's house and they had an indoor dog

01:03:48.420 and it was a golden retriever,

01:03:51.260 which first of all,

01:03:53.940 how nice that you have so much gold.

01:03:55.880 You can have an animal just go get some of it for you.

01:04:00.920 Like that blew my mind when they told me what it was.

01:04:04.640 So I was like,

01:04:05.160 this is unbelievable.

01:04:08.900 Like we can't even go in our apartment two days a week because some of the gas

01:04:13.060 issues and these people have an animal that will just run off and grab a

01:04:18.760 mouthful of bullion whenever you need it.

01:04:22.000 And I remember seeing,

01:04:23.080 it's just long,

01:04:23.800 beautiful hair and it looked like a beautiful woman to me.

01:04:26.100 I remember like that thing is beautiful.

01:04:28.580 It was better looking than most of the women in our area.

01:04:31.760 It looked like Suzanne Summers.

01:04:33.240 Bring up Suzanne Summers.

01:04:34.200 Let's get a gander at her.

01:04:36.420 This is one of the funniest times I've had on a podcast in probably two years.

01:04:39.500 Don't you think Trevin?

01:04:41.460 This is great.

01:04:43.100 Wow.

01:04:43.640 Thank you so much.

01:04:44.340 Oh my God.

01:04:44.860 I'm having a blast.

01:04:46.780 That's her.

01:04:47.300 When she came in right there,

01:04:48.540 that when I saw that golden retriever for sure,

01:04:52.060 that was her.

01:04:52.620 She was like the icon.

01:04:53.620 There was some teal earrings on that dog.

01:04:57.280 Put some teal earrings.

01:04:58.420 Is that what you said?

01:04:59.160 Yeah.

01:05:01.740 Oh,

01:05:02.220 dude.

01:05:02.680 Yeah.

01:05:04.200 That's perfect.

01:05:05.280 That thing could have worked,

01:05:06.200 volunteered to work in the nurse's office at our school.

01:05:08.540 Yeah.

01:05:09.160 I'd have been so happy.

01:05:10.200 Been real mean to you for being a little late to class.

01:05:13.040 Never.

01:05:14.920 Never.

01:05:15.840 I was burking orders, man.

01:05:17.980 Let's go into a news section.

01:05:19.200 I'm going to take a break for one second.

01:05:19.980 Do you have to pee or anything?

01:05:20.780 No, I'm good.

01:05:21.440 Is pornography causing a problem in your life?

01:05:25.780 Do you find yourself watching porno for longer periods of time and having trouble stopping?

01:05:31.640 Is porn affecting your relationship or dating life?

01:05:37.100 Well, you're certainly not alone.

01:05:39.740 Watching pornography has become so commonplace today and oftentimes men use porn to numb the pain of loneliness, boredom, anxiety, and depression.

01:05:50.980 Shame and stigma prevent men from talking about these issues and getting help for them.

01:05:55.460 I want to introduce you to my friend Steve.

01:05:58.820 Steve is the founder of Valor Recovery, a program to help men overcome porn abuse and sexual compulsivity.

01:06:06.520 Steve is a long-term sexual recovery member and has personally overcame the emotional and spiritual despair of abusing pornography and has dedicated his life to empowering men to do the same.

01:06:18.740 Steve is an amazing person and he is a close friend of mine.

01:06:22.700 I mean that Valor Recovery helps men to develop the tools necessary to have a healthier sex life.

01:06:30.280 Their coaches are in long-term recovery and will be your partner, mentor, and spiritual guide to transcend these problematic behaviors.

01:06:38.100 To learn more about Valor Recovery, please visit them at www.valorrecoverycoaching.com or email them at admin at valorrecoverycoaching.com.

01:06:56.060 Thank you.

01:06:56.540 Sometimes, I mean, I know a lot of people that just, like, do research and, like, let the morality of stuff go.

01:07:05.520 And I'm like, okay, that can all be true.

01:07:08.700 But, like, imagine that was your sister, brother, or whatever.

01:07:13.960 Yeah.

01:07:14.520 And we're talking about the Renee Goodes shooting.

01:07:16.660 Let's put the ICE shooting that happened.

01:07:19.380 And this is one clip of it.

01:07:20.940 We'll show this clip.

01:07:21.700 I know there's different angles of clips.

01:07:23.200 I'm not going to get into, like, a lot of the, like, angular stuff, that sort of thing.

01:07:28.920 But I do want to cover this a little bit because we haven't talked about it on here.

01:07:37.600 That's fine, dude.

01:07:38.540 I'm not mad at you, boy.

01:07:40.160 Show your face.

01:07:41.200 I'm not mad at you.

01:07:41.820 It's okay.

01:07:42.280 We don't change our plates every morning.

01:07:44.200 Just so you know.

01:07:45.420 It'll be the same plate when you come talk to us later.

01:07:47.980 That's fine.

01:07:48.780 U.S. citizen.

01:07:49.700 Former topic.

01:07:50.540 You want to come at us?

01:07:52.300 And this is a lady and her girlfriend who are out, and they're protesting these ICE agents.

01:07:57.640 Renee Goodes was involved with an activist group called Minnesota Ice Watch, acting as a legal observer, documenting what's going on, et cetera.

01:08:05.160 Okay, play it up.

01:08:06.660 I say go get yourself some lunch, big boy.

01:08:08.660 Go ahead.

01:08:09.580 Get out of the car.

01:08:10.680 Get out of the fucking car.

01:08:12.920 Get out of the car.

01:08:13.640 Get out of the car.

01:08:13.660 All right, baby.

01:08:14.140 Get out of the car.

01:08:14.900 Oh!

01:08:17.540 And then there's three shots.

01:08:18.860 And the woman's deceased, right?

01:08:21.560 Yeah.

01:08:21.860 Okay.

01:08:23.360 I mean, this is just baffling.

01:08:24.920 What are some of your first thoughts?

01:08:25.980 Do you even want to talk about this?

01:08:27.320 I mean...

01:08:27.680 Yeah.

01:08:28.040 No, I think it's important.

01:08:31.720 Well, okay.

01:08:33.040 So, I found out that the defense I keep hearing for this ICE agent is that he, six months ago

01:08:45.480 or so, was dragged 200 feet or something by a vehicle.

01:08:51.420 And I'm like, he shouldn't have been working.

01:08:55.580 Yeah.

01:08:56.060 That's PTSD.

01:08:56.720 PTSD.

01:08:57.720 Um, it says the Immigration and Customs Enforcement agent who shot and killed 37-year-old Renee

01:09:02.180 Nicole Good in Minneapolis on Wednesday was dragged by a car in the line of duty last

01:09:05.520 summer, according to court records.

01:09:07.320 So, there was documentation that that happened to him.

01:09:09.760 Ross needed more than 50 stitches and had abrasions on his knee, elbow, and face, according

01:09:13.600 to court papers.

01:09:14.200 So, obviously, he has PTSD in this situation.

01:09:16.980 I don't think there's any way that you couldn't, right?

01:09:19.080 Like, he's going to be trigger-happy if you're telling me he has trauma related to vehicles.

01:09:25.600 For sure.

01:09:26.080 This is the last place that he should be.

01:09:27.620 Right.

01:09:28.420 My thoughts on, I think, nobody deserves to lose their life in an instance like this, right?

01:09:33.880 Like, the guy shouldn't have shot the woman.

01:09:37.860 He could have shot the vehicle.

01:09:39.300 Shoot the tires.

01:09:39.840 Yes, or let the vehicle go and deal with it later and find a way to deal with it later

01:09:44.680 on.

01:09:45.800 Those are some of my first thoughts.

01:09:47.100 I have a couple of others.

01:09:49.400 You know, I think as far as, like, the agitators go, which I think is what it's safe to call

01:09:54.380 them, like, at a certain point, you have to recognize that people are just people, right?

01:10:01.320 So, if someone's a doctor, they're wearing a doctor's coat, if they're wearing a police

01:10:05.720 uniform, a fire uniform, a principal, they're just people.

01:10:11.600 So, they're still, like, flawed, right?

01:10:16.060 They're still just a regular person like you and I, and we know what it's like to be a

01:10:20.020 person.

01:10:20.580 It's hectic.

01:10:22.260 And it's hectic more than ever.

01:10:24.560 I know you want to have an effect, but this just felt like, you know.

01:10:29.180 It's just there are so many other ways to go about it.

01:10:32.960 For sure.

01:10:33.540 I doubt she had ever been face-to-face with someone that had a gun like that, because I'd

01:10:42.200 be scared, right?

01:10:44.620 Oh, I'd be super scared.

01:10:46.600 I'd be super scared.

01:10:47.480 A guy pulled, because if an officer pulls his weapon out, they don't usually pull it out

01:10:51.460 unless they're going to use it.

01:10:52.740 Right.

01:10:53.340 Or unless they're probably, they fear the threat of death.

01:10:56.160 I think that's supposed to be why they pull it out.

01:10:57.780 But when is an officer supposed to pull their weapon out?

01:11:00.280 Can you look that up for me, Trevin?

01:11:01.900 That's kind of interesting.

01:11:03.380 Because I feel like I watch a ton of police body cam footage.

01:11:07.340 They always pull out their taser first.

01:11:09.880 Yeah.

01:11:11.360 Oh, well, I don't think anything should have been pulled out here.

01:11:14.300 It's like, I just don't know if this had happened six other times down this street where

01:11:19.340 this woman is moving their car and then blocking in front of them.

01:11:21.600 You know what I'm saying?

01:11:22.000 I'm not saying anything justifies it.

01:11:23.620 I'm just saying, at a certain point, it's a bad idea to mill around somebody that has

01:11:28.920 a gun and be doing anything.

01:11:32.260 Like, I'm the kind of guy, when people show up with guns, I'm out.

01:11:35.720 I'm out of the room.

01:11:37.020 I'm out of the room.

01:11:37.980 I'm out of the house.

01:11:38.580 If somebody, like, I'm at a party, somebody wants to show somebody a gun, I'm out of here.

01:11:42.420 If I'm at a hunting camp and somebody pulls out a gun, I'm out of here.

01:11:46.660 I'm out of here, dude.

01:11:48.820 I'm out of here.

01:11:50.320 A police officer, reasonable belief of threat.

01:11:53.140 The primary justification is the officer's reasonable belief that there is an imminent

01:11:56.200 danger of death or serious physical injury to themselves or other persons.

01:11:59.700 From my look of view and from the videos I've seen, it seemed to me like he wasn't going

01:12:06.520 to get run over.

01:12:07.380 Yeah.

01:12:08.000 But when you factor in the fact that that had happened to him, I'm not surprised that

01:12:12.180 he would...

01:12:12.960 He believed it was reasonable.

01:12:15.200 That he would overreact.

01:12:16.200 Ugh.

01:12:17.140 It's just a stupid situation that really felt like it didn't have to happen.

01:12:21.300 Well, also, the scary part about that is this is, like, someone that's, like, a government

01:12:28.740 person, and so her being, you know, annoying or aggravating or whatever, I mean, they're,

01:12:37.780 like, in the U.S., I think there's, like, a certain level, maybe not anymore, but there

01:12:43.780 was, like, of a belief that, like, oh, you know, I'm safe and I'm an American, like, I

01:12:50.600 can talk or, you know...

01:12:52.920 I can express my beliefs, that sort of thing.

01:12:54.680 Right.

01:12:54.780 Yeah.

01:12:55.120 And if this goes unchecked, it scares me for what that means, what is reasonable after this.

01:13:04.880 Yeah, I get that for sure.

01:13:07.040 It's hard to know if this had been going on for two hours before this or if this had just

01:13:11.560 all happened in, like, 30 seconds.

01:13:14.800 That's a tough thing to know.

01:13:15.940 But what it's, what, to your point is, we're going to get into a place where there's a

01:13:21.800 lot more, I feel like, this, like, vigilante journalism type of thing, where even with,

01:13:26.760 like, the guy, Nick Shirley, who went and...

01:13:28.540 Oh, yeah.

01:13:29.740 ...and tracked down the, like...

01:13:31.600 Somalian.

01:13:32.700 ...the Somalian healthcare fraud, you're going to have more of that.

01:13:36.160 And are you going to have more people out here who want to go out and contest the police?

01:13:40.800 Yeah, I, it's, it, overall, in the end, for me, it gets weirder and weirder that we're

01:13:45.460 just getting to these more comfortable places.

01:13:47.880 Like, you and I are able to sit here and watch a video where somebody got killed.

01:13:51.360 Like, we don't see the, the bullets hit them and stuff like that, but we know what happened.

01:13:55.400 And we're in a place now where, like...

01:13:57.120 Where it's like, yeah, let's talk about it.

01:13:59.140 Like, it's not, yeah, that's terrifying.

01:14:02.260 It's pretty scary.

01:14:03.620 Um, one of the things that's happened that's caused a lot of this is they let so many people

01:14:08.560 into the country without proper, uh, documentation and without proper checking in.

01:14:14.180 Like, we had some border patrol agents on where they would, when people were coming across

01:14:18.640 the border, they would have to meet later with an agent at a certain point.

01:14:21.220 Like, because they were so overwhelmed, they'd be like, okay, you have to meet with an agent

01:14:24.440 at this point.

01:14:25.080 And so many people were not making those appointments.

01:14:27.880 And so people were just in America undocumented, right?

01:14:30.840 And I just believe that everybody should have documentation.

01:14:33.520 I believe there's, there's fair ways to be in the country.

01:14:35.840 I believe that, um, that we need a proper immigration in and out.

01:14:41.140 I'm a huge believer in that.

01:14:43.060 Um, Pew Research Center reported 14 million undocumented immigrants in 2023, a record high

01:14:47.580 that likely peaked further before declining in 2025 under stricter enforcement.

01:14:52.380 But what I'm saying is this is one of the reasons why there's so much of this ICE stuff,

01:14:56.980 why there's so much ICE going on, because there's so many people that are, that are up to no

01:15:02.340 good, that don't want to have any laws, that want to hide from documentation, that want

01:15:06.560 to hide from being here legally.

01:15:08.260 Um, and then what's wilder from there is the process of becoming an ICE agent.

01:15:14.240 Have you seen some of this?

01:15:18.080 So U.S. citizenship is required.

01:15:20.300 What's required?

01:15:21.100 Trevin, are you on mic?

01:15:21.880 So U.S. citizenship is required.

01:15:24.440 No felony convictions or misdemeanor.

01:15:26.580 Domestic violence offenses are allowed.

01:15:28.180 You have to pass drug tests, medical exams, background checks.

01:15:31.940 Um, for the, it says here for entry level positions, you typically need a bachelor's

01:15:35.860 degree, but some, it, there was reports of some recent ICE recruitments, um, stating

01:15:41.240 that undergraduate degrees are not always needed.

01:15:42.980 So it's kind of like a gray area as far as that goes.

01:15:45.940 Go back up.

01:15:46.440 What's the age restrictions on it?

01:15:47.700 Didn't they change that recently?

01:15:48.800 Let me see.

01:15:49.440 Applicants must generally be referred for selection before age 40.

01:15:52.920 The recent policy changes under Secretary Noem have removed strict age limits to attract

01:15:57.680 more candidates with waivers available for veterans and prior federal law enforcement.

01:16:03.460 So you can be getting a lot of different types.

01:16:06.380 What, uh, what were some of the, like, did you see some of the posters though?

01:16:09.560 And some of the campaigns, can you show some of that?

01:16:13.120 See if you have some of that.

01:16:15.420 I mean.

01:16:16.500 Oh my God.

01:16:18.080 So it's like.

01:16:20.300 Why is he trying to like, that's like a thirst trap.

01:16:23.560 I know.

01:16:24.280 You know, old man thirst trap.

01:16:26.140 Well, for sure.

01:16:26.720 Cause I think they opened up the age restrictions.

01:16:29.200 Um, in an effort to hire more ICE agents, the federal government has lowered the age limit.

01:16:33.580 This poster is part of the Department of Homeland Security's push to hire 10,000 ICE agents.

01:16:38.840 Previously, agents had to be under the age of 40.

01:16:40.840 Now that has changed.

01:16:42.280 This is like, yeah, you want this ICE baby girl?

01:16:44.540 And he looks like he's not wearing pants.

01:16:46.700 Yeah.

01:16:47.780 Yeah.

01:16:48.400 And he wants you to know.

01:16:50.240 Yeah.

01:16:50.780 You want this warm ICE.

01:16:52.900 Um, he, you know, he looks a little bit like is, uh, Josh Duhamel a little bit.

01:16:57.820 Oh, can you see that a little?

01:16:59.860 A little bit.

01:17:01.040 Yeah.

01:17:01.380 Josh.

01:17:01.740 And he might be upset that I said that, but no.

01:17:03.960 Um.

01:17:04.400 He's a good looking motherfucker.

01:17:06.500 Dude.

01:17:07.160 Oh my God.

01:17:08.340 I honestly, I know him some.

01:17:10.240 Is he hot in real life?

01:17:11.780 Dude.

01:17:13.380 He's so handsome.

01:17:15.140 And he knows, uh, he doesn't, honestly, he doesn't act like he's like, he doesn't act

01:17:19.860 like he's the most handsomest guy around.

01:17:21.720 Really?

01:17:22.220 No, not around me.

01:17:23.180 I'm a man.

01:17:24.380 But, but he might in other circumstances.

01:17:27.500 But dude, he's so handsome.

01:17:29.160 Oh my God.

01:17:29.800 Dude.

01:17:30.080 He's so handsome.

01:17:31.260 I can't, I'm married.

01:17:32.740 Take him off the screen.

01:17:35.140 Yeah.

01:17:35.460 Thank you.

01:17:36.100 Please.

01:17:36.480 God.

01:17:37.420 The woman's already dealing with a lot.

01:17:40.280 You're keeping that up there.

01:17:42.260 Um, the, um, he's so handsome.

01:17:45.240 Sometimes I don't even want to go back home after I, it's like, I can't keep living like

01:17:51.080 this.

01:17:51.540 Like, what, what visual squalor are the rest of us living in if this man gets to operate

01:17:59.880 like that?

01:18:00.180 Imagine how I feel.

01:18:02.360 I'm in a fucking wheelchair and he gets to look like that.

01:18:05.440 Yeah, but you're still, you're, you're, you're hot though.

01:18:08.060 For now.

01:18:09.100 Yeah, well, look.

01:18:10.280 I'm a pumpkin, brother.

01:18:13.440 But that just goes to the hair, I think.

01:18:18.040 You can change that.

01:18:19.480 You can change that with a box of VO5, honey.

01:18:22.980 Um, but no, that's one of the posters, Trevin?

01:18:27.020 Yeah, posted by DHS.

01:18:28.460 It almost has like a baseball, like, you could, like the baseball umpire.

01:18:32.320 You could umpire whether somebody should be in the country or not, you know?

01:18:35.420 Like, the type of people this is for are not the people that should be doing this job.

01:18:41.460 And, like, I feel, yeah, like, they're like, hey, does no one respect you at home?

01:18:46.860 Come on out here and, like, what?

01:18:51.220 Well, I bet you do get some of that energy where people, that's the thing.

01:18:54.600 It's like, in the end, the people who are officers, police, anything, they're just people.

01:19:00.140 Like, they're taking those feelings of whatever's happening to them at home, whatever's in the

01:19:03.920 rest of their life, whatever else has occurred, and they're taking them out there.

01:19:07.320 And we also expect, like, guys to also be, um, I mean, I think this poster is kind of

01:19:12.420 crazy.

01:19:12.780 I do think that they, like, just kind of expanded to try and just get more people in.

01:19:17.660 This feels like it's like, oh, you're the umpire and you're calling safe, you know,

01:19:21.680 you're calling safe and out.

01:19:23.140 You can decide who's safe and out of America, you know?

01:19:25.400 I think that's the kind of energy I get from this poster a little bit.

01:19:28.200 Um, but, but, but yeah, everybody takes whatever it is into the world with them, you know?

01:19:36.020 And it's like, even though we put on certain uniforms or certain, like, costumes or certain

01:19:40.320 name tags, like, whether you're the principal or a teacher, like, it's still just a person.

01:19:45.280 And that's why I feel like to be out there, like, just taunting a person, whether the person's

01:19:50.300 a police, anybody, it's like, especially these days, it feels dangerous to, like, engage

01:19:55.760 and stuff in public, it feels like.

01:19:57.720 Um, but this poster does say ICE hiring 10,000 agents with a $50,000 hiring bonus.

01:20:03.620 Um, that's wild.

01:20:05.340 Yeah.

01:20:06.140 Now that makes me want to dust off the old umpire uniform.

01:20:15.980 Look at this.

01:20:17.600 Somebody caught this.

01:20:18.560 An ICE agent was caught slipping on ICE.

01:20:20.320 And you know what's the craziest thing these days?

01:20:32.720 We don't even know if this is a real ICE agent.

01:20:34.700 There's so many people out there that are just cosplaying and getting involved in shit.

01:20:39.400 You, it's like, you just don't even know what's real anymore.

01:20:42.740 And the government could create, or the government or different entities could create videos like

01:20:48.080 this just to get us agitated.

01:20:49.720 It's a wild time.

01:20:51.160 Yeah, and the AI of it all.

01:20:53.920 That could totally have been AI.

01:20:55.120 We'd have no idea.

01:20:55.980 Mm-mm.

01:20:56.860 It's getting really scary.

01:20:58.860 I will say, there have been a couple of AI videos of me, but they can't make even AI me walk.

01:21:05.460 And I find that disheartening.

01:21:07.640 Damn.

01:21:08.680 You would think, huh?

01:21:09.920 Yeah.

01:21:10.280 Just one more protein.

01:21:11.660 Oh, my cum.

01:21:12.380 Oh, yeah.

01:21:13.540 Was it prolactin?

01:21:14.520 Is that what you said it was called?

01:21:15.140 Protaxin.

01:21:16.140 You have a good memory.

01:21:17.540 I do?

01:21:18.480 Has there been, like, was there ever times where you tried, like, alternative methods

01:21:24.780 of medicine?

01:21:25.620 Like, did you ever go to, like, Honolulu or something?

01:21:27.940 Like, was there stuff like that?

01:21:28.900 I would.

01:21:29.360 I've never been to Honolulu.

01:21:31.480 They never took you to, like, an exotic place to get a new medicine?

01:21:33.900 No, they took me to New Jersey during COVID.

01:21:39.420 And they locked me in a hospital for a month because we weren't—normally—okay.

01:21:45.600 That's—usually people get to go—you go to, like, New Zealand or you're going to, you know,

01:21:51.220 somewhere in the Amazonia.

01:21:54.380 And you got New Jersey.

01:21:55.580 What part?

01:21:56.780 Uh, what's that one?

01:21:59.280 Not Trenton, huh?

01:22:01.060 It's, like, it's, like, 45 minutes from New York.

01:22:04.180 Newark.

01:22:04.900 Yes!

01:22:05.920 Yes.

01:22:06.860 Sorry.

01:22:08.280 Um, yeah.

01:22:09.080 Yeah.

01:22:09.460 During the winter.

01:22:12.000 Nightmare.

01:22:12.680 Yeah.

01:22:13.240 And you think walking in snow is hard?

01:22:18.560 Try just having your husband drag you through it.

01:22:20.660 Yeah, and every two seconds I'm, like, are you mad at me?

01:22:27.220 What, uh, what therapies did you try or what was something that you tried that was kind

01:22:31.500 of novel or new?

01:22:32.360 So, there's—the thing that—the reason I'm, like, like, emotionally okay now, I do have

01:22:39.540 a lot of faith that, uh, medicine will catch up.

01:22:44.040 Um, like, the one I did out there was a frataxin replacement therapy.

01:22:50.800 Um, so they're trying to figure out how to get it back in your body.

01:22:55.040 And then, at that point, it would be me relearning how to walk.

01:23:00.140 Wow.

01:23:00.580 They do believe they'll cure me in my—like, but then the next 10, 5 or 10 years, you're

01:23:08.860 not going to like me as much when I can walk.

01:23:11.560 Whoa, that's going to be crazy.

01:23:13.260 So, was there a time when you felt like there would be no cure?

01:23:16.320 Yeah.

01:23:17.060 Well, when I got diagnosed, I was like, all right, now we know.

01:23:21.440 So, what do I do?

01:23:22.420 And they were like, eh, there's nothing.

01:23:25.580 And they were like, well, your life expectancy is 40.

01:23:29.760 What?

01:23:30.520 Yeah.

01:23:30.900 And I was like, fuck.

01:23:32.860 And they're like, you're going to lose the ability to walk, talk, see, hear, like, all

01:23:38.660 of it.

01:23:39.220 So, I'm Helen Keller, right?

01:23:41.020 Wow.

01:23:41.340 And, yeah, it was pretty fucking dark.

01:23:47.140 But now, I am on a med called Skyclaris, which is the only treatment out there for FA what

01:23:55.920 I have.

01:23:58.460 And, I mean, it hasn't been around long enough to, like, have, like, long-term research done.

01:24:05.800 So, there's a little bit of being a guinea pig in it.

01:24:07.880 Um, yeah, my whole life has been elaborate.

01:24:10.980 That's, yeah.

01:24:12.080 And I'm okay with it, you know.

01:24:14.100 But it's just three pills every day.

01:24:16.860 And it's supposed to, like, pause the progression, which I am A-okay with.

01:24:23.040 Like, if I can stay this way and not turn into Stephen Hawking, you know.

01:24:27.900 Yeah.

01:24:28.240 That's my, he did get to go to cool places, though.

01:24:32.680 Did he have this same thing?

01:24:33.960 No, he had ALS, which is way worse.

01:24:37.380 Oh, it is?

01:24:38.320 Yeah.

01:24:39.020 And are you guys ever at odds with, like, that kind of stuff?

01:24:41.580 Like, do you, or is there, is it, it's probably a very similar, like, type of experience?

01:24:45.880 Um, I think it's worse because it's quicker and you're definitely gonna, he lived for a long time.

01:24:55.540 But he was also kind of a bad guy.

01:24:57.520 His posture wasn't that good?

01:24:58.700 No.

01:24:59.660 Kind of a dick.

01:25:01.040 Was he?

01:25:01.860 Yeah.

01:25:02.880 He was on Epstein's Flylog.

01:25:05.540 Did you see that?

01:25:07.080 But some people deserve to go over there.

01:25:10.480 He was cheating on his fucking wife.

01:25:13.780 Yeah, dude.

01:25:14.960 You can't cheat without help.

01:25:17.160 That's crazy.

01:25:18.840 Oh, that's a good point.

01:25:21.240 Oh, wow.

01:25:22.600 So somebody else is deaf.

01:25:24.300 Someone grabbed his hand.

01:25:29.020 Those teeth are crazy.

01:25:30.780 He looks like a mean little dog.

01:25:33.080 Oh, yeah.

01:25:34.700 Oh, my God, dude.

01:25:36.400 I'm so sorry.

01:25:37.340 We're gonna go to hell for, uh.

01:25:39.480 Yeah.

01:25:40.520 No, but it definitely, yeah.

01:25:42.000 It reminds me of my, my stepdad had a dog.

01:25:44.900 I don't know if he was my stepdad or not, but, um, he had a dog named Muffy.

01:25:49.960 And at the end, it was just blind or whatever, but it had these teeth.

01:25:53.440 And he would always brush them in front of us.

01:25:55.200 And I was like, what are we doing?

01:25:59.160 What are we doing?

01:26:00.440 You know?

01:26:01.300 He'd brush them like 40 times a day.

01:26:03.240 He would brush that dog's teeth.

01:26:04.760 I think he felt like, because it couldn't see.

01:26:06.400 Was he his mouth kissing it?

01:26:07.840 What the hell?

01:26:09.260 He probably was, dude.

01:26:11.840 And the dog had, like, kind of those brown, like, marks around his mouth.

01:26:15.120 You know, a lot of them get those kind of.

01:26:16.860 The tire burns.

01:26:17.760 Like, those little white, uh, poodle dogs.

01:26:20.140 Yeah, it's like a kid with the Gatorade.

01:26:22.640 Yeah, it's like a kid with the Gatorade.

01:26:23.960 Yeah, it's like brown all around their mouth and stuff.

01:26:26.080 They get that.

01:26:27.200 Yeah.

01:26:27.760 Oh, that actually looks cute.

01:26:29.260 That makes me sad.

01:26:30.680 Muffy.

01:26:31.700 Muffy was all right, I think.

01:26:32.820 I don't know.

01:26:33.280 My mom knew her a little bit better.

01:26:34.460 I didn't know her.

01:26:34.900 I didn't even know if she was a female.

01:26:36.400 Sounds like she had better breath than me.

01:26:38.900 40 times a day.

01:26:40.160 Oh, he would brush that dog's teeth.

01:26:43.760 God, he would brush them bitches till they were just fucking shining.

01:26:49.440 I mean, just fucking, just like, just look like a belt buckle right out there.

01:26:54.980 Hanging out the front of his mouth.

01:26:58.120 I mean, yeah, anyway, what are we talking about?

01:27:02.840 So, that has to be totally wild.

01:27:04.620 So, there was a time in your life when you went, you were like, wow, so my life is only

01:27:08.740 going to be so much longer.

01:27:09.800 And then there's a time now where you feel like it will be different.

01:27:13.060 Yeah.

01:27:13.600 And it's weird being given sort of a death sentence.

01:27:18.060 Like, you know.

01:27:19.340 Did you do some things you were like, oh, I'm going to treat myself some crazy ways?

01:27:22.120 Like, there's no reason for me to care about anything.

01:27:25.800 And now I'm like, fuck, I'm going to be here longer.

01:27:28.500 You know?

01:27:29.160 You know?

01:27:30.300 Like, I was a slut for a long time.

01:27:34.620 Yeah.

01:27:34.820 Because I was like.

01:27:36.280 Me too.

01:27:36.720 Once I'm in a wheelchair, it's over.

01:27:40.740 You know what I mean?

01:27:42.060 So, I'm like.

01:27:43.320 Oh, yeah.

01:27:43.860 That's a good point, dude.

01:27:44.960 Right?

01:27:45.440 So, I'm like, I'm going to fuck everyone I can while I can walk into it.

01:27:48.840 Okay, that's insane, ma'am.

01:27:49.640 Sorry, too much.

01:27:51.000 I'll pull back.

01:27:51.840 Okay.

01:27:52.540 Edit that out.

01:27:54.060 I'm just kidding.

01:27:55.300 No, no, that's fine.

01:27:56.700 I just, yeah.

01:27:57.600 Yeah.

01:27:58.100 Well, yeah, people get out there.

01:27:59.400 You gotta.

01:28:00.960 Did you, um, did you feel like you would ever find love?

01:28:04.480 Did you, was that a fearful thing?

01:28:06.080 I fully.

01:28:07.500 Well, it's, the scariest part is like people meet you while you're walking with the game.

01:28:12.720 And then you have to explain to them, it's going to get worse.

01:28:16.680 So, signing up for this is a bad idea.

01:28:19.800 And so, I would try to avoid that conversation and avoid telling the name of what I have.

01:28:26.420 And that wasn't fair.

01:28:28.540 So, what would you do?

01:28:29.320 Just try to play it off or whatever?

01:28:30.700 Not a big deal.

01:28:31.900 Yeah, I'm just clumsy.

01:28:33.300 I call myself clinically clumsy.

01:28:37.080 Hmm.

01:28:38.780 You, you came up with that?

01:28:40.100 Mm-hmm.

01:28:40.380 That's interesting.

01:28:41.060 Yeah, well, at least it gives you your own ownership over it, too.

01:28:45.180 Um, but, you know, I mean, Matt and I got together before the medicine came around.

01:28:53.700 So, he signed up for me thinking I'd look like Steven.

01:28:58.880 But also, he signed up thinking if he gets 10 more years of, I mean, you are a beautiful lady.

01:29:03.780 If you, if he gets 10 years of this beautiful lady, that's a good deal.

01:29:06.700 Oh, I feel like, was that what he was thinking?

01:29:09.200 Or, was it, was it hard for you to get, to believe that he was in, like, what was that

01:29:13.860 like?

01:29:14.080 Was it hard for you to believe, like, really, at some point?

01:29:16.600 Did you ever realize for yourself?

01:29:18.020 Because I think at some point, all of us, it's hard for us to believe that somebody would

01:29:21.880 love us.

01:29:22.420 A lot of people.

01:29:23.320 Especially probably comedians.

01:29:24.600 Oh, my God.

01:29:25.620 But, you being a comedian and having, um, having this ailment, do you feel like, like,

01:29:31.260 that, was that, was there ever, like, an about face?

01:29:33.240 You're like, wow, I, I just, I have to believe this?

01:29:36.480 Yeah, I think in the beginning it was hard, because he, like, my husband is a really good

01:29:44.040 person.

01:29:45.160 So, I.

01:29:46.460 And Matt's comedian as well.

01:29:47.360 Yeah.

01:29:48.520 So, that's how you guys met.

01:29:49.700 Yeah, we met at an open mic here.

01:29:52.100 But, he's a good guy.

01:29:55.800 Oh, yeah.

01:29:56.640 That's.

01:29:56.880 Oh.

01:29:58.080 Oh, yeah.

01:29:58.960 He sat down, too.

01:29:59.900 Look at Matt taking it easy.

01:30:02.500 Fucking lazy, dude.

01:30:06.220 That's a long minute.

01:30:09.420 Oh, that's beautiful, huh?

01:30:11.580 Yeah.

01:30:11.940 That's awesome.

01:30:12.380 You always got a chair with me.

01:30:14.940 Who are you dancing with there, Matt?

01:30:16.660 His mom.

01:30:18.060 Oh, that's nice.

01:30:20.360 What does your mom do, Matt?

01:30:22.100 He's a psychologist.

01:30:23.560 Oh, wow.

01:30:25.560 That's cool.

01:30:28.320 Yeah, it was very sweet.

01:30:30.960 He proposed to me outside of Zany's.

01:30:33.780 He had the marquee say, well, you marry me.

01:30:36.640 Really?

01:30:37.180 Yeah.

01:30:37.960 Oh.

01:30:39.320 Did you know?

01:30:43.120 This motherfucker.

01:30:44.120 I guess, like, I had to have known, because we actually booked the venue before we were engaged.

01:30:52.720 Okay.

01:30:52.980 So, you guys were hoping it could happen.

01:30:54.520 Oh, really?

01:30:56.580 Dude, that's so cool.

01:30:58.580 I didn't even know that.

01:31:00.000 And where do you propose?

01:31:00.760 Right out there in the front?

01:31:01.580 Yeah, well, they, we, he took me to dinner at a place I did not like.

01:31:07.780 Yeah.

01:31:08.060 And the name of it is called Bad Idea.

01:31:12.900 Hmm.

01:31:13.700 So, I was like, there's.

01:31:16.560 So, good husband, bad dater.

01:31:18.680 Yeah.

01:31:19.620 Bad dinner guy.

01:31:20.660 And then I get a call from the booker at Zany's, and they're like, someone's here.

01:31:26.780 They want to meet you.

01:31:27.860 Like, hurry up.

01:31:28.660 It's a big deal.

01:31:29.660 And I'm like, what?

01:31:31.120 And so, we close out our tab, and we are driving over to Zany's.

01:31:36.280 He's being nervous, and I think he's nervous, because I'm nervous.

01:31:39.420 He pulls a gun out of the glove box?

01:31:43.940 He's poking you in the arm with it?

01:31:50.660 Oh, man, and then I, he was like, maybe it's Nikki Glaser, and I was like, oh, because

01:31:57.160 I had never met her at that point, and I was like, oh, my God.

01:32:01.280 So, I'm rolling real quick, top speed, around the corner, and then Matt goes, wait, come

01:32:08.980 back, and I was like, Matt, we got to go.

01:32:12.560 And I look up, and he got on my knee, and I don't think I even said yes.

01:32:18.740 I think I just kept saying, I'm going to throw up on you.

01:32:24.460 But that's an Irish yes.

01:32:28.980 Oh, that's a beautiful story, actually.

01:32:31.760 It makes me think so much differently of this place now, when I'm there.

01:32:35.460 I didn't know that people were falling in love right outside of there, and playing in their

01:32:39.240 futures.

01:32:39.740 That's awesome.

01:32:40.240 They let us have our, we had, like, an after party after the wedding and reception.

01:32:46.960 Aw.

01:32:49.380 Yeah, it was very sweet.

01:32:52.940 Oh, that's cool.

01:32:57.240 Wow.

01:32:57.820 So, that must have been, yeah, because I guess, like, yeah, I guess you, did, yeah, were there

01:33:02.560 feelings, like, do you feel like, I'll net, like, because I think comics in general have

01:33:06.720 a tough time finding love and figuring that kind of stuff out, you know?

01:33:09.960 Yeah, and the lifestyle of being a comedian, it's really hard to negotiate with love, right?

01:33:17.620 So, I mean, I feel lucky that we're both, we travel, and now we're starting to travel

01:33:25.340 together.

01:33:25.920 Matt features for me a lot on the road, which is, like, you know, a dream come true.

01:33:33.200 We're starting to do where he's headlining this Sunday, and I'm doing Friday and Saturday.

01:33:38.160 Dude, that's awesome, bro.

01:33:39.800 Yeah.

01:33:40.200 Congratulations.

01:33:41.580 Just the ability to be able to do that together, that's pretty cool.

01:33:45.180 Yeah, it is cool.

01:33:46.900 I'm lucky.

01:33:47.880 Is there points where you, like, um, has it felt weird having a, having this ailment that

01:33:54.920 you're not even going to have that much longer, which is going to be really fucking weird?

01:33:59.400 When you're just back or whatever?

01:34:01.000 Everyone's going to be like, that dumb bitch was faking it, and I don't know what to do.

01:34:05.020 I know.

01:34:06.040 I want to do a special now called Before, and then I'll do one called After.

01:34:12.820 I think that's a great idea.

01:34:15.360 Um, was there a part, like, I guess, yeah, what's that relationship like with comedy and

01:34:21.300 with, um, obviously you have, people have to joke about what they know the most, right?

01:34:25.740 And I think people are, people, a lot of times are, I think they look at people, I think sometimes

01:34:33.200 people look at people that have an ailment or something, either as, like, a good luck

01:34:38.480 omen or, like, as, like, something that they're almost fearful of, right?

01:34:43.500 Because they don't want to imagine it.

01:34:45.800 You know, they don't want to think, like, oh, that could be me or I could be in that situation.

01:34:49.580 Well, that's the weird part about, like, the sympathy.

01:34:53.800 Some of it truly is that, just simple sympathy.

01:34:58.760 But a lot of the times I can tell when people feel bad for themselves because they've created

01:35:04.880 a whole story of, like, how terrible their life would be if they were me.

01:35:10.300 And I don't like that.

01:35:13.640 You know?

01:35:14.260 Because, like, we all have shitty things.

01:35:16.640 Like, I'm lucky for a lot of reasons.

01:35:19.600 You know what I mean?

01:35:20.500 I'm luckier than most people.

01:35:23.300 Yeah, that's interesting.

01:35:24.400 I think it's interesting to think, like, yeah, like, how we relate to people sometimes.

01:35:29.840 And in the end, it's a reflection of something about us or some way we view ourselves or some

01:35:35.000 way that we're afraid to imagine ourselves or there's, like, a, there's an ego in that

01:35:42.400 or a selfishness in it.

01:35:43.800 That stuff, it's hard to kind of figure out exactly what that is.

01:35:46.480 But that's really fascinating.

01:35:48.000 Yeah, well, it's like, you know, I've been now diagnosed disabled for 11 years.

01:35:55.980 And you figure it out.

01:35:58.000 The worst part is people doing shitty things.

01:36:01.700 And everyone doesn't want to call it shitty.

01:36:05.120 They are like, hey, they had good intentions.

01:36:09.620 It is not my job to figure out what your intention was.

01:36:13.600 You know what I mean?

01:36:14.640 Like, you mean people saying mean stuff?

01:36:16.160 Yeah, yeah.

01:36:17.140 Do people say mean stuff to you a lot?

01:36:18.420 Yeah.

01:36:19.040 Really?

01:36:20.000 And is it just Kill Tony fans trying to show affection?

01:36:23.540 Probably.

01:36:24.540 Oh, my God.

01:36:25.700 The Kill Tony fans.

01:36:27.340 They are correct.

01:36:28.680 Not all of them, but a lot.

01:36:30.880 What are they like?

01:36:32.240 The DMs I get would blow your mind.

01:36:35.880 Like, I get this a lot.

01:36:39.380 It's people, men asking if I'll roll over their dicks.

01:36:43.960 Oh, with the wheelchair.

01:36:45.020 Yeah.

01:36:45.320 Ooh.

01:36:45.740 Or, like, show us your boobs before you die.

01:36:49.400 I get that a lot.

01:36:51.560 Yeah.

01:36:52.360 It's fun.

01:36:55.920 I'm having a good time.

01:36:58.020 I mean, I bet it's added a lot of, like, color just to your life.

01:37:00.560 I think things like that are just, I mean, yeah, some of that stuff's insane.

01:37:04.160 Is there ever stuff that does kind of ping you a little bit that's like, are you able

01:37:07.620 to just kind of?

01:37:08.260 There's, there's, yeah, you know, it's whenever someone touches on your real insecurity and

01:37:14.680 you're like, fuck.

01:37:15.400 For me, it's not functioning a long time ago, but my voice is all I have.

01:37:26.360 So, I recognize I speak slow is because I'm trying to pronunciate, you know, or enunciate.

01:37:36.680 Did you used to be, like, louder and have a different voice at all?

01:37:39.900 It was more annoying.

01:37:41.580 It was more Valley Girl.

01:37:43.240 Bro, thank God you got rid of that.

01:37:45.620 Now it's kind of deep.

01:37:47.000 Oh, damn, really deep Valley Girl.

01:37:51.380 Oh, now, you're saying now it's kind of deep.

01:37:54.760 Oh, now it just seems like, it just, I don't know.

01:37:57.480 I feel like you want everybody, I kind of always feel like you're like a kindergarten teacher.

01:38:01.380 You want everybody to sit on the rug and listen to a story, kind of.

01:38:06.140 Like, it's okay.

01:38:07.780 It's almost nap time.

01:38:09.300 Everyone's sat down.

01:38:12.600 Wow.

01:38:12.960 Are you ever, like, do you have moments where you're also envious of the fact that you get to have such a perspective of life?

01:38:20.620 Because you, like, not many of us have this thing where there's a possible timeline on our lives, you know, and you know what that's like.

01:38:27.680 But also are able to have a voice, like you have, like, able to be a comedian whose job it is to articulate things and to share thoughts and feelings.

01:38:34.320 Is there ever moments you're like, wow, this has been, you know, if I don't get to do life again or if we do get to do it a hundred more times, this has been a pretty special experience?

01:38:45.040 Yeah, I feel very fortunate because I, before the diagnosis, the things I cared about did not matter.

01:38:56.740 And no one could tell me they didn't matter.

01:39:00.500 It just took them, once things are taken away, it kind of strips down to, like, the truth and the core of, like, what is important, right?

01:39:10.840 I was very vapid, very, like, whatever, like, I didn't care about my relationships that much, you know?

01:39:19.120 But all you have is connection.

01:39:22.980 So, like, the more you can connect with people, the bigger the impact you leave, you know what I mean?

01:39:30.780 And all I want to do now, which I never first saw any of this, is, like, yeah, give a voice to the voiceless a little bit.

01:39:40.620 And with them telling me my voice was going, it feels so ironic that I'm doing that.

01:39:47.700 But it feels good.

01:39:49.380 That would be the scariest thing.

01:39:51.180 Yeah.

01:39:52.520 Yeah.

01:39:53.100 It's, like, all we have, especially, like, I think it was work, if you work in a comedian or someplace where you speak or someplace you have to, like, communicate with others regularly.

01:40:01.040 Or probably just for anybody.

01:40:02.500 It's just, like, man, if I, my voice, I can't tell you how I feel.

01:40:06.560 Right.

01:40:08.420 Yeah.

01:40:10.200 You've done, you were doing public speaking.

01:40:11.940 Do you still do that some?

01:40:12.960 So, I did, I think you're talking about the TED talk.

01:40:16.700 Mm-hmm.

01:40:17.380 I did, like, a TEDx talk a while ago.

01:40:22.100 I'm still waiting for it to come out.

01:40:24.040 But, yeah, that was really crazy because that was the first time.

01:40:29.380 That's wild, dude.

01:40:30.520 I publicly spoke and it wasn't comedy and not, like, getting laughs because I wasn't being funny was really stressful.

01:40:40.880 That's cool.

01:40:44.680 Hell, yeah.

01:40:45.640 That's cute, huh?

01:40:48.060 I'm so happy that you guys have each other.

01:40:50.220 It's nice to have somebody, is it?

01:40:51.740 Oh, yeah.

01:40:52.700 It's really nice.

01:40:53.840 I went a long time without it.

01:40:56.620 I also didn't think I'd ever get married.

01:40:59.220 It wasn't really, I wasn't someone that was seeking that.

01:41:04.460 All my friends were kind of falling into that.

01:41:06.940 But, no, I was like, cool, I can't imagine that.

01:41:11.000 And when I met him, I was like, oh, fuck.

01:41:15.600 He's fucking honky.

01:41:18.640 He got me.

01:41:20.220 Honky from Alabama.

01:41:22.300 Oh, he's from Alabama?

01:41:23.360 Yeah.

01:41:23.780 I know.

01:41:25.280 It's fucked.

01:41:26.120 You were already.

01:41:26.880 I've been through a lot, I told you.

01:41:28.360 You were already dealing with an ailment.

01:41:29.880 I know.

01:41:30.960 Now you're marrying, wow.

01:41:32.440 And shout out Alabama, dude.

01:41:34.000 All right, that's all people say is like, yeah, shout out Alabama.

01:41:37.880 What part, though?

01:41:40.040 Tuscaloosa.

01:41:40.600 Oh, dude, that's a great part.

01:41:42.200 You're a Bama fan?

01:41:43.620 Oh, it's so cool.

01:41:44.560 Roll Tide.

01:41:45.360 I know.

01:41:46.000 Yeah.

01:41:46.560 We got the red hair, they're ready for you.

01:41:48.180 Yeah, and the wheels, they roll.

01:41:49.860 Yeah, that's true.

01:41:52.240 That's hilarious.

01:41:53.620 You seem to be on your period when you show up over there.

01:41:56.680 They should have a Roll Tide section.

01:41:58.320 It's just women on their period during the game, for the game.

01:42:01.080 In wheelchairs.

01:42:02.120 Yeah.

01:42:02.300 I love that.

01:42:03.900 That's great.

01:42:04.940 Red Band will be sniffing all those things.

01:42:07.800 Yeah.

01:42:09.040 Red Band will judge a seat sniffing competition after.

01:42:11.800 That's where he got the red part of his name.

01:42:16.560 Wow.

01:42:19.380 So all the people who throughout this episode were like, Theo's doing too many jokes, just

01:42:23.740 know that that's where we're at here.

01:42:25.420 That's the level that we're at here.

01:42:27.480 I heard you talk about Nikki Glaser.

01:42:29.260 How great is she?

01:42:30.060 She is a queen.

01:42:32.900 She's the best.

01:42:33.800 She just did the, she hosted the Golden Globes.

01:42:36.760 Let's see some of that.

01:42:37.620 Do you have any of that, Trevin?

01:42:39.360 And congratulations to her.

01:42:40.840 She's fought so hard.

01:42:42.780 You know, she was an opener for Amy Schumer for a long time where Amy was like, you know,

01:42:47.360 the biggest thing in the world.

01:42:48.940 And, uh, and here she is as just like the absolute queen.

01:42:55.140 Yeah.

01:42:55.780 She's crushing.

01:42:57.940 The Golden Globe for best editing goes to the Justice Department.

01:43:03.600 Yes.

01:43:04.500 Congratulations.

01:43:05.540 Facts to that.

01:43:06.360 And the award for most editing goes to CBS News.

01:43:13.980 Yes.

01:43:15.580 CBS News.

01:43:17.060 America's newest place to see BS news.

01:43:20.200 She's awesome.

01:43:25.100 She, uh.

01:43:26.480 She's so good.

01:43:27.380 She actually, I had never had anyone take me on the road.

01:43:32.800 And I understood pretty quickly that probably was not going to be part of my community journey.

01:43:39.700 Because taking me on the road, you got to account for a chair and blah, blah, blah.

01:43:45.260 I DM'd her out of nowhere because I saw she was coming to the Ryman.

01:43:52.080 I was like, I'm a local comedian.

01:43:54.620 I'd love to, you know, do a guest spot if you have a room.

01:43:58.880 And she replied within like a couple hours and was like absolutely loved.

01:44:03.980 And had me on both her shows and then took me on the road.

01:44:08.580 No.

01:44:09.020 Yeah, and she was, she's the only person that's taking me on the road.

01:44:13.660 That's incredible.

01:44:14.600 And she like paid for an extra ticket for Matt because she wanted me to have someone there.

01:44:20.440 Mm-hmm.

01:44:21.480 That's sweet.

01:44:22.300 Yeah.

01:44:22.840 She's the best.

01:44:23.660 She's so funny.

01:44:24.720 I'd love to have her back on again.

01:44:26.760 Every time we sit and chat, we have a great time.

01:44:29.340 Dude, imagine that you're sitting there and you get to joke with Leonardo DiCaprio.

01:44:32.560 That's got to be crazy.

01:44:34.060 Oh my God.

01:44:35.140 Talking shit to Leah.

01:44:36.460 You've worked with every great director.

01:44:39.680 You've won three Golden Globes, an Oscar.

01:44:42.380 And the most impressive thing is that you were able to accomplish all of that before your girlfriend turned 30.

01:44:46.420 I mean, it's just insane.

01:44:47.680 Liam, I'm sorry I made that joke.

01:44:53.800 It's cheap.

01:44:54.440 You know what?

01:44:54.900 I tried not to, but like, we don't know anything else about you, man.

01:44:59.100 Like, there's nothing else.

01:45:00.380 Like, open up.

01:45:02.160 I'm serious.

01:45:02.640 That's a good point.

01:45:03.680 I looked.

01:45:04.820 He's starting to look like Jack Nicholson a little bit.

01:45:06.840 Oh my God.

01:45:08.420 Go back to him right there.

01:45:09.300 You're totally correct.

01:45:10.660 Pull up Jack Nicholson at his age.

01:45:13.120 Oh no.

01:45:14.840 We did it.

01:45:16.020 We cracked the code.

01:45:18.460 A little bit.

01:45:20.960 The hairline.

01:45:22.040 The hairline's better on, uh.

01:45:24.100 You don't think Leonardo had any hair implants or anything?

01:45:28.620 Well, here's the thing.

01:45:29.660 I think he has a great hairline, but I bet he also could have easily had that done.

01:45:32.780 It wasn't available in Jack's time.

01:45:34.400 I mean, if you're only, if you're only dating young girls, you gotta.

01:45:39.840 You gotta keep it fresh.

01:45:40.760 Yeah.

01:45:40.960 And you gotta keep it until you get a wife.

01:45:42.420 I've had hair put in here.

01:45:43.740 Oh, hell yeah.

01:45:45.560 And I didn't even know if I needed it.

01:45:46.500 I was just dealing with a ton of stress.

01:45:47.680 Hey, he's bald and he's got a wife.

01:45:51.340 Type shit.

01:45:52.820 I gotta change my attitude.

01:45:54.200 I just can't see the top of his head.

01:45:56.380 That's it.

01:45:57.620 Oh, yeah.

01:45:59.320 Dude, that's a great point.

01:46:00.680 You're like, yeah.

01:46:01.340 What do you care?

01:46:02.020 What are, like, some of the toughest things about being, having this disability that people

01:46:09.020 do not realize, you think?

01:46:10.800 Are there some little things that are kind of interesting?

01:46:13.880 I think there's a general assumption that, like, I am mentally disabled because of how

01:46:23.360 I speak.

01:46:24.900 I've, oh my God, I do have a joke about this, but it's, like, a real story.

01:46:31.000 Do you remember that bar, Kung Fu?

01:46:34.080 It was in Nashville?

01:46:35.220 Mm-hmm.

01:46:35.920 It shut down.

01:46:36.880 It was on Broadway.

01:46:37.900 Uh-huh.

01:46:38.360 Yeah, I've heard about it.

01:46:39.200 So, I went there with some friends a couple years ago, and we rented one out.

01:46:44.880 It was a friend's birthday.

01:46:46.100 It's, like, six girls, you know, drinking, whatever.

01:46:49.240 And long story short, I watched my friend get roofied, okay?

01:46:56.240 But, again, nothing bad has happened to any of my friends, so they just take drinks from

01:47:01.300 people and, you know, whatever.

01:47:03.300 So, my friend is getting real sick and starting to pass out.

01:47:07.540 It's been, like, 45 minutes.

01:47:09.580 My able-bodied friends all go to the bathroom together.

01:47:12.520 Dude, I saw, give her the drink, tries to come in.

01:47:16.720 She's passed out, and he's like, hey, that's my friend.

01:47:20.440 She asked me to take her home.

01:47:22.440 And I was like, no, and I just rolled over and put my foot on the door to close it, and

01:47:28.300 then he shouldered it open, and I kicked him in the wiener.

01:47:33.120 And I started yelling for help because he's fighting me, and I can't do much.

01:47:39.320 And finally, security comes over, and the guy goes, hey, guys, I'm so sorry.

01:47:44.740 That's my girlfriend, my friend, Bessa, and this is her mentally retarded friend that

01:47:50.300 doesn't remember me.

01:47:52.620 And I had to convince these security guards that I was not mentally disabled.

01:47:58.520 And how do you do that?

01:47:59.700 And I couldn't do it.

01:48:03.380 It is so much harder than it sounds.

01:48:09.060 Yeah.

01:48:09.900 How do you even-

01:48:10.680 It's like trying to convince someone you're from the future.

01:48:17.240 You can't do it.

01:48:19.400 Oh, my God.

01:48:20.720 That's hilarious.

01:48:22.460 Yeah.

01:48:22.940 Trying to get away from the accusations.

01:48:28.940 I can't beat those cases.

01:48:31.020 Yeah, dude.

01:48:31.960 No, we got kicked out, but that guy didn't get my friends, so that's the win.

01:48:37.040 I can't believe he had such a plan, too.

01:48:39.080 That's the crazy part that he would say that.

01:48:40.800 It wasn't his first time.

01:48:42.000 Yeah.

01:48:42.300 I was like, oh, my God.

01:48:43.880 Kind of genius.

01:48:45.620 Kind of funny.

01:48:46.700 Just crazy there's sick people out there like that, too.

01:48:49.180 Yeah.

01:48:49.480 What would you say to people, other people that have, a lot of people don't have the same

01:48:54.520 ailment, right?

01:48:55.240 You said it's so few.

01:48:56.280 Yeah, but they have stuff similar, and it's cool that my shows a lot of disabled people

01:49:02.120 come, which is a bad success to me.

01:49:06.160 I mean, I would love one day just, like, for the club to have to take out every chair because

01:49:11.120 everyone has their own.

01:49:12.420 Yeah.

01:49:13.120 I think that'd be sick.

01:49:14.600 I love that.

01:49:15.760 B-Y-O-C, huh?

01:49:17.520 That's great.

01:49:19.160 And were there people that had ailments that you looked up to at certain points, or did

01:49:23.320 you find, like, people just look up to...

01:49:25.940 There's one that comes, and I know there are more, but, like, kind of the, like, godmother

01:49:32.760 of disability, her name, she's dead now, but her name was Judy Heumann, and she helped

01:49:43.720 pass the ADA, like, act or whatever.

01:49:49.440 Yeah, Judy Heumann.

01:49:51.240 Hmm.

01:49:51.700 She rocked, basically, yeah, the Black Panthers helped get the ADA passed.

01:50:00.400 Wow.

01:50:00.960 Judy Heumann, born in Philadelphia, was an American disability rights activist known as

01:50:05.440 a mother of the disability rights movement.

01:50:07.840 She was recognized internationally as a leader in the disability movement.

01:50:10.860 In 1970, Heumann was denied her New York teaching license because the board did not believe she

01:50:15.120 could get herself or her students out of the building in case of a fire.

01:50:18.820 She sued the Board of Education.

01:50:20.980 Local newspaper ran the headline, you can be president, not teacher, with polio.

01:50:25.320 The case settled with the trial.

01:50:26.600 Wow.

01:50:28.420 Heumann received much mail from disabled people around the country due to press coverage of

01:50:31.660 her lawsuit.

01:50:32.280 Many wrote about the experience of discrimination because of their disabilities, based on the

01:50:35.980 outpouring of support in letters.

01:50:37.180 In 1970, Heumann and several friends founded the Disabled in Action, an organization focused

01:50:43.280 on securing the protection of people with disabilities under civil rights laws through political

01:50:47.320 protest.

01:50:48.180 Wow.

01:50:49.980 Do you think, um, do you think there is a common, like, energy where people feel like you

01:50:56.620 can't do something?

01:50:58.040 Yeah.

01:50:58.360 I think people think Matt is my caregiver and not my husband.

01:51:04.940 Oh, yeah.

01:51:05.440 Which makes me very mad.

01:51:07.620 Yeah, you're like, my caregiver keeps taking advantage of it, you know?

01:51:11.580 My caregiver keeps grabbing my boobs and, hey, right.

01:51:16.320 Yeah, I guess there's part of you, I think, just, like, as someone that doesn't have an ailment

01:51:22.640 like this right now, um, that, like, you feel like you want to be helpful and you don't

01:51:29.800 know how to do that, really?

01:51:31.720 That, that is a question.

01:51:34.060 People always are like, well, how do I know when you need help?

01:51:38.560 And if it's, like, an innocent question, I understand that, but, like, I'm an adult, I

01:51:47.200 know how to ask, you know what I mean?

01:51:49.720 So, like, unless I'm like, hey, can you do this for me?

01:51:54.400 I'm fine.

01:51:55.200 Yeah.

01:51:55.640 You know, I, learning how to ask for help was one of the toughest parts about, like, I

01:52:02.820 wasn't disabled and now I am.

01:52:05.760 Oh, wow.

01:52:06.620 You know, I was very independent.

01:52:09.920 Oh, that would be so hard.

01:52:11.520 I hate asking for help.

01:52:12.780 Yeah, it's a nightmare, but, like, there is so much power in being able to.

01:52:18.780 And I know disabled people that are bad at it and they hurt themselves not asking for

01:52:25.160 help and they'd rather that.

01:52:26.600 And I'm like, what?

01:52:27.800 Good are you to yourself or others if you're hurting yourself?

01:52:33.340 Yeah.

01:52:33.860 You know?

01:52:34.900 Yeah.

01:52:35.400 I mean, you'll sit there forever and be in pain because you just don't want to speak

01:52:38.980 up.

01:52:39.220 I think it goes back to even sometimes it's like how even, like, how, like, those law

01:52:42.960 officers feel.

01:52:43.420 I think there's a code of human where it's like, I want to be able to take care of myself.

01:52:47.540 I should be able to.

01:52:48.840 I don't want somebody to know I'm having a tough time.

01:52:51.280 I don't want to feel like I can't do this.

01:52:53.920 Yeah.

01:52:54.220 I think a lot of that probably comes to surface.

01:52:57.900 What is something that you see, like, walkies or I don't know what you call, like, people

01:53:01.580 that are...

01:53:02.300 Daywalkers.

01:53:03.560 Daywalkers.

01:53:04.000 Yeah.

01:53:04.860 What is something you see daywalkers do that just blows your mind?

01:53:09.060 Is there anything that, like, comes up like that?

01:53:10.640 Um, I think able-bodied men are dumb as fuck because I see them do the dumbest shit.

01:53:19.180 Like, I'm like, your body can break.

01:53:21.380 What are you doing?

01:53:22.760 Oh, this crazy shit they do?

01:53:24.100 Yeah.

01:53:24.360 Yeah.

01:53:24.520 Like, the jackass stuff, I'm like, y'all are so lucky, but, like, anything bad can happen

01:53:31.440 to anyone.

01:53:32.900 Like, the disabled minority is the most inclusive minority.

01:53:39.260 It's a good point, huh?

01:53:40.600 Mm-hmm.

01:53:41.180 Anybody can show up here.

01:53:42.300 Yeah, like, you feel bad for me today, but you could be sitting next to me tomorrow.

01:53:47.100 Yeah, we'll save you a seat.

01:53:48.280 Yeah.

01:53:49.420 I like that a lot.

01:53:50.780 It feels like a threat.

01:53:51.600 Is there, um, yeah.

01:53:52.960 Is there, uh, are there, like, AA meetings for people that have different types of, um,

01:53:58.560 uh, ailments or, like, that have, like, mobility ailments?

01:54:02.320 I know there are disability support groups.

01:54:07.320 I've never been to one, which is probably not good.

01:54:12.560 I'm sure there's something in Nashville.

01:54:15.300 But it's hard, also, because I feel disability, it looks like so many different things.

01:54:23.560 That's true.

01:54:24.160 You don't want to get in there with somebody who just has a neck brace on or something.

01:54:26.540 Right.

01:54:26.740 You're like, look at this p***y.

01:54:27.760 They're like, I have ADD.

01:54:29.180 I'm just like you.

01:54:31.040 I hear that a lot.

01:54:32.800 Nuh-uh.

01:54:33.120 Oh, yeah, dead ass.

01:54:34.740 Oh, oh, oh.

01:54:36.340 See, that's another place we've gotten with these autistic Barbies.

01:54:38.920 It's, like, making everybody believe that there's something that they have.

01:54:42.420 And it's, like, it might be true, but, like, you're fine.

01:54:45.820 Yeah.

01:54:47.420 Well, we're all so blessed.

01:54:48.740 I mean, I think there's, like, you just don't even realize the blessings that we have every day.

01:54:53.640 I was just, this morning I woke up with a good amount of gratitude for the first time.

01:54:57.540 I haven't had that in a while, and it felt pretty good.

01:55:01.400 What was I seeing in the news?

01:55:03.960 Something else.

01:55:04.340 We'll finish up in a few minutes.

01:55:06.300 Oh, did you see in Iran that they cut off, or Iran, people call it different stuff, but

01:55:10.640 did you see that they cut off all the internet and the phones over there?

01:55:15.900 No.

01:55:18.400 Nationwide unrest in Iran right now is being driven mainly by a severe economic crisis that

01:55:22.240 has quickly turned into a broader anti-government movement.

01:55:24.760 What caused it?

01:55:27.260 Iran's currency has plunged to record lows with the rial, that's what they use, losing a

01:55:32.100 large share of its value and pushing up prices for food, fuel, and other essential items.

01:55:38.200 The initial economic anger morphed into political slogans like death to the dictator and calls

01:55:42.720 for the end of the current system.

01:55:46.500 So, inflation above 40% in years of sanctions, mismanagement, and corruption have left many

01:55:51.640 Iranians unable to cover basic living costs, prompting shopkeepers, workers, and students

01:55:55.800 to launch strikes and street protests.

01:55:57.780 Is there any video from that?

01:55:59.340 I mean, it's unbelievable.

01:56:00.220 Like, the internet is...

01:56:01.040 Imagine if they shut the internet down here.

01:56:02.860 Look at this.

01:56:12.560 That's wild.

01:56:13.260 There's just...

01:56:13.980 And this is in the capital, Tehran.

01:56:15.380 There's this protest against the regime there.

01:56:18.240 I think at a certain point, you see when things get bad enough that people will take

01:56:22.000 action.

01:56:23.940 Which I guess is still nice to see that people, you know...

01:56:26.680 Work together to...

01:56:28.900 To make something different.

01:56:30.080 Because it starts to feel like an America sometimes, like...

01:56:33.080 We're all for ourselves, yeah.

01:56:35.940 And as long as somebody's mailing me some Tostitos or something, and I can't have government

01:56:40.700 dip, that I'll be...

01:56:41.520 You know what I'm saying?

01:56:41.900 Like, I just think we've gotten very comfortable here, you know?

01:56:44.980 Yeah.

01:56:45.680 I mean, what would happen in America if the government was down?

01:56:47.540 We'd have to write letters to each other?

01:56:49.440 I can't even write anymore.

01:56:54.260 I'd have to get a typewriter or some shit.

01:56:56.540 Oh, that'd be unbelievable.

01:56:59.940 This one.

01:57:03.560 My chair would stop working.

01:57:05.640 Your chair would stop working too, huh?

01:57:07.040 Probably.

01:57:07.580 You'd be stranded.

01:57:08.680 I'd be screwed.

01:57:09.640 You'd be like one of those Waymos that, like, just went in a circle or whatever when it

01:57:14.120 got commandeered.

01:57:16.120 Do we have anything from just somebody, like, boots on the ground over there?

01:57:19.100 I know they're having...

01:57:20.640 Oh, what's this?

01:57:25.800 This is Masi Al-Nijad.

01:57:30.600 This says, please help us.

01:57:31.760 The situation here is horrific.

01:57:33.180 It is a full-scale war.

01:57:34.400 The regime's forces show no mercy.

01:57:36.120 They shot protesters in the head and heart and even finished off those already wounded

01:57:40.120 on the streets.

01:57:41.300 In hospitals, the wounded are being kidnapped and killed.

01:57:43.740 Wow.

01:57:45.340 This is Nikki Haley.

01:57:46.640 Says, at least 12,000 Iranians fighting for freedom have been murdered by the regime.

01:57:50.920 Wow.

01:57:51.420 Is that true?

01:57:53.400 Possibly thousands more?

01:57:54.720 Okay, the death toll and growing protests in Iran is believed to be in the thousands

01:58:01.700 with an Iranian official putting the figure at 2,000, but human rights groups estimating

01:58:06.020 those numbers could be far higher.

01:58:07.700 Wow.

01:58:10.420 Have been killed in protests of Iran now in their third week.

01:58:15.020 Iranian officials have called the protesters terrorists and accused them of rioting.

01:58:18.580 I mean, it's interesting to see how quickly a republic will call someone a terrorist.

01:58:27.880 Iran International, a London-based Persian language news channel, wrote in an editorial

01:58:32.060 on Tuesday that it believes 12,000 people have been killed.

01:58:35.240 They called it the largest killing in Iran's contemporary history, taking place over two

01:58:39.680 nights between January 8th and January 9th.

01:58:41.780 Wow.

01:58:42.300 I mean, this is a revolution.

01:58:43.600 This is a revolution.

01:58:44.360 Demonstrations began in late December over economic hardships, but have grown into widespread

01:58:50.240 anger against the regime of the Islamic Republic.

01:58:54.900 Yeah, prayers for the people in Iran that are dealing with that, that are dealing with

01:58:58.160 just like, I can't even imagine what it's like not to be able to have a voice to feel

01:59:02.720 like you don't anyway.

01:59:03.960 It just goes to show like in the old days when they didn't have the internet and they didn't

01:59:07.200 have cell phones, you still had a voice, right?

01:59:09.400 Mm-hmm.

01:59:10.360 But I think this is almost, this feels like proof to me that those things create what

01:59:16.740 a voice is nowadays, right?

01:59:18.660 Because some of those companies will be like, well, it doesn't matter how we act or how we

01:59:22.940 behave or what like rules we allow or don't allow on our platforms because if you don't

01:59:27.640 have this, you still have a voice, but you really kind of don't.

01:59:30.880 Yeah.

01:59:31.460 You know?

01:59:31.820 It's like, it's hard to know what's going on somewhere.

01:59:36.620 Yeah.

01:59:37.280 Well, it's like we became so reliant on technology and stuff that we don't know how to have a

01:59:46.020 voice without it.

01:59:47.260 And that was by design because it's something that can be taken very easily.

01:59:52.600 Right?

01:59:53.960 100%.

01:59:54.360 I didn't know we can go down those roads.

01:59:56.380 We'll have to go down those roads.

01:59:57.500 No, it's good.

01:59:58.180 No, I think the same way.

01:59:59.660 It's like, oh, well, here's a voice, but it's for lease really.

02:00:02.560 Right.

02:00:03.140 Yeah.

02:00:03.560 Yeah.

02:00:03.860 It's like a voice you are no longer allowed to own.

02:00:07.480 Yeah.

02:00:08.240 Hmm.

02:00:09.360 Interesting.

02:00:11.340 And what's the president saying about this?

02:00:14.820 Trump said, Iranian patriots, keep protesting, take over your institutions, save the names

02:00:19.800 of the killers and abusers.

02:00:20.900 They will pay a big price.

02:00:22.160 I have canceled all meetings with the Iranian officials until the senseless killing of protesters

02:00:26.300 stops.

02:00:27.340 Help is on its way.

02:00:29.360 Make Iran great again.

02:00:32.140 President Donald J.

02:00:33.580 Trump.

02:00:33.980 That's insane.

02:00:35.580 Effective immediately.

02:00:36.360 Any country doing business with the Islamic Republic of Iran will pay a tariff of 25% on

02:00:40.320 any and all business being done with the United States of America.

02:00:43.240 Wow.

02:00:43.360 So they're not playing around.

02:00:47.020 They're trying to, or who knows if they are.

02:00:48.860 I mean, half the stuff they say is means nothing, but, uh, but they're definitely sticking their

02:00:56.000 heads out.

02:00:56.480 Man, it's just so, it sucks so much that people, the regular people have to suffer the, the

02:01:02.700 whims of their politicians.

02:01:03.860 But then also it's brave that people are willing to get out and protest and speak up for things

02:01:08.020 that need to happen in their community.

02:01:10.180 You know, uh, if, if your government is just ruining the value of your currency and you're

02:01:15.760 sitting there, you can't afford to feed.

02:01:17.280 Like I saw, I've read some of the price of eggs over there gone up like seven times and

02:01:22.200 that they have oil and then they reframe the prices of, uh, of gasoline over there to make

02:01:26.560 it more expensive.

02:01:28.000 At a certain point, you have to stand up for yourselves, you know?

02:01:31.540 Which can be hard for some people.

02:01:34.340 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

02:01:36.300 Yeah, it can.

02:01:37.800 See if you have a, uh, one video of Iran before the, uh, in the 1970s before the.

02:01:43.180 Oh, yeah.

02:01:46.000 Dude.

02:01:46.720 They were getting it.

02:01:47.780 They were getting it.

02:01:49.540 They were putting lotion on.

02:01:51.840 How's that?

02:01:55.000 Oh, hell yeah.

02:01:56.160 Yeah.

02:01:56.660 Yeah.

02:01:57.820 Another motorized person.

02:01:59.560 You know, I like that.

02:02:02.340 Calling wheels, huh?

02:02:03.680 Yeah.

02:02:06.140 I mean, it's just wild.

02:02:07.920 It's so crazy.

02:02:09.420 It's crazy to think to live in a, grow up in a place where you're not free.

02:02:14.660 You know what I'm saying?

02:02:15.520 And it is not, you just are a soul put on an earth.

02:02:18.760 You're supposed to be free here.

02:02:19.880 Like if anything, you're supposed to be free.

02:02:22.020 Like whether you're supposed to just live in the woods or whatever we're supposed to actually

02:02:25.460 be.

02:02:25.900 It's weird that just by happenstance, you're either free or you're not just depending on

02:02:32.020 where you were.

02:02:33.040 Yeah.

02:02:33.960 Born.

02:02:35.520 You know?

02:02:36.960 And like, not to like make it all about disability, but like being disabled in a country that's

02:02:44.840 not free.

02:02:46.400 I mean, even here before Judy Heumann did her thing, there were signs like in the 90s on

02:02:57.860 like windows of like private businesses and some of them wouldn't let disabled people in

02:03:05.260 because it made their other customers uncomfortable.

02:03:09.220 No way.

02:03:10.200 Mm-hmm.

02:03:11.640 Disabled people have been left behind forever.

02:03:17.020 Like even now, I think as a minority, even though we are the largest minority, we have

02:03:23.180 the least amount of progress.

02:03:25.260 It's because all we're asking is for accessibility and no one wants to spend money.

02:03:30.940 Wow.

02:03:31.460 And when money is involved, you're going to see change real slow.

02:03:37.020 Like I can't even afford to really make where I live completely accessible.

02:03:42.380 You know what I mean?

02:03:44.220 Like.

02:03:45.080 Yeah.

02:03:45.260 People don't even think about that.

02:03:46.580 Mm-mm.

02:03:47.520 It's really expensive.

02:03:48.740 Yeah.

02:03:49.380 I mean, I don't ever, I don't ever even think about that a lot of times.

02:03:51.800 Like, is this place accessible?

02:03:53.020 Could somebody live here?

02:03:54.120 What would this be like?

02:03:54.920 Yeah, I didn't think about it before I was disabled, you know?

02:03:59.600 I never thought this is all I would think about.

02:04:03.280 Yeah, yeah.

02:04:04.060 Yeah.

02:04:04.640 And like, think about New York.

02:04:05.780 Like, you can't even like, half of the living, more than half of the living, you can't even,

02:04:10.220 probably doesn't even apply to you because you can't get it.

02:04:12.420 I want to talk to a disabled person that lives in New York and be like, how?

02:04:17.340 What are you doing?

02:04:18.240 I mean, I've been a few times now, but not for more than two days because getting around

02:04:24.980 is a nightmare.

02:04:26.400 Like, so many like, restaurants are just stairs.

02:04:30.160 And so, I'll wait on the sidewalk and Matt will go in and like, send me a picture of the

02:04:35.400 menu.

02:04:36.240 Oh.

02:04:37.660 Dude, that's why.

02:04:38.640 You don't even think how many comedians who are disabled comedians probably haven't

02:04:41.740 even had a chance to shine because of how, just because of maybe what a place like New

02:04:47.320 York is, just the fact that it is stairs to get in a lot of places.

02:04:50.020 Even the name of the cellar?

02:04:51.620 Come on.

02:04:52.240 Oh.

02:04:52.780 Come on.

02:04:54.940 Let's think about it, guys.

02:04:57.760 I haven't been able, I've been able to get in that side room.

02:05:03.060 They have a little elevator, but not the main one.

02:05:06.500 Like, there are so many clubs.

02:05:09.140 I remember when I started comedy, I had never seen, I've seen like Josh Blue.

02:05:14.840 He was a big inspiration.

02:05:16.760 Yeah.

02:05:17.400 That's when I was starting out with Josh Blue.

02:05:19.360 Oh.

02:05:19.800 He was so great.

02:05:20.940 Dude, I'm.

02:05:21.480 So funny.

02:05:22.040 I met him once before, way before I was a comic.

02:05:26.240 I was at, I paid money to go to a show at Zaneers.

02:05:30.580 I got shit-faced and embarrassed myself in front of him.

02:05:34.880 And then later that.

02:05:35.920 Are you sure that's what happened to you?

02:05:37.140 It sounds like you were just an alcoholic.

02:05:38.800 You sure you didn't get in a drunk driving accident?

02:05:41.320 I can't remember.

02:05:44.220 You went to see Josh?

02:05:45.500 Yeah, and he was doing a little meet and greet.

02:05:48.360 And I was like, ah, I'm back there.

02:05:50.680 And he was like, okay.

02:05:53.320 That's so cool.

02:05:54.640 Yeah, really embarrassing.

02:05:56.500 I tried to jump a curb in my wheelchair that night.

02:06:00.020 Nuh-uh.

02:06:00.760 Fell out and gave myself a black eye.

02:06:02.800 Oh, yeah.

02:06:04.400 Yeah, they just put some speed bumps in our neighborhood.

02:06:06.820 And it's a nightmare sometimes.

02:06:08.520 I mean, it's different.

02:06:08.940 Trying to keep the disables out.

02:06:10.840 Yeah, I did.

02:06:11.820 It's like a moat in my world.

02:06:13.740 Oh, every now and then I'll see a disabled person just stalled out of there at the speed

02:06:17.680 bump.

02:06:18.720 Just a pack of them.

02:06:19.800 And you're like, well, they didn't ask for help, so I'm not helping.

02:06:25.700 Any other news?

02:06:26.620 Was there anything else?

02:06:28.040 What about the new Drewski skit where he rips on megachurch pastures?

02:06:31.400 Let's take a peek at it.

02:06:32.360 I love Drewski.

02:06:33.320 I haven't seen him in a while.

02:06:35.160 Let's see.

02:06:35.720 Let's see what Drewski says here.

02:06:36.940 Let's watch it and we'll get out of here.

02:06:47.260 Do you want a revolution?

02:06:49.220 I'm going to have Wanda stand up here.

02:06:51.060 Wanda, please.

02:06:52.620 Wanda told us earlier this month that she could not have a baby anymore.

02:06:56.120 So I impregnated her with the word of God.

02:07:01.040 I'm going to impregnate everyone with the word of God.

02:07:05.680 You're going to get pregnant with the word of God.

02:07:07.640 You're going to get pregnant with the word of God.

02:07:09.440 You're going to get pregnant with the word of God.

02:07:14.540 Impregnate.

02:07:15.780 Oh, my God.

02:07:16.860 He can do that?

02:07:17.640 Somebody in the congregation asks why I'm wearing Christian doors.

02:07:20.180 I know he can slip and slide.

02:07:21.620 That's just me trying to do stand up.

02:07:24.060 That worm?

02:07:26.620 No, with the...

02:07:27.940 Oh, with those?

02:07:29.520 Dude, why don't you get those?

02:07:31.880 We've got to talk to the club.

02:07:35.120 You're like, look, if they're not putting a ramp in,

02:07:37.060 they're certainly not putting in two cables that I can hang from the ceiling from.

02:07:42.480 They just want to be puppeteered.

02:07:45.980 That'd be so crazy.

02:07:47.940 If you had a whole musical and it was people that are in wheelchairs and they're all being

02:07:52.300 puppeteered, though, and they have them like as if they're not.

02:07:55.180 I love it.

02:07:56.220 It would feel great.

02:07:57.220 I can't walk, but I can fly.

02:07:59.260 I love it.

02:08:03.300 Fiona, thanks so much for joining us.

02:08:05.800 I appreciate it.

02:08:06.680 Thank you for having me.

02:08:08.600 I know you and Matt have a podcast called Ramping Up.

02:08:11.160 Yeah.

02:08:11.680 And is it out every week?

02:08:12.760 Yeah.

02:08:13.640 Every Monday at 430 Central.

02:08:16.940 Okay, great.

02:08:18.480 That's beautiful.

02:08:19.140 How long have you guys been doing it?

02:08:21.300 Christina was on?

02:08:22.340 Yeah.

02:08:23.020 Oh, she's the best.

02:08:24.220 Yeah, she rocks.

02:08:25.980 She's my favorite.

02:08:27.180 Do you know Derek Stroop?

02:08:29.340 I don't know.

02:08:30.000 I've heard of him.

02:08:30.480 Oh, my God.

02:08:32.720 Yeah, he's unreal.

02:08:35.040 He's maybe the funniest working comic I've seen in a long time.

02:08:39.980 He's from Nashville?

02:08:41.720 From New York.

02:08:43.000 He's in New York, but he's from Alabama.

02:08:46.220 I've got to touch base.

02:08:46.920 Maybe I do know him.

02:08:47.820 I bet I've met him here.

02:08:49.580 I don't know.

02:08:50.260 I think I had an aneurysm last year, but we'll see.

02:08:54.060 I'll probably see you.

02:08:55.940 I'm saving you a seat.

02:08:57.540 Don't worry.

02:08:58.120 There you go.

02:08:59.220 That's going to be a new merch, saving you a seat.

02:09:02.800 Fiona Cawley, you can see her live coming up in Chandler, Arizona.

02:09:07.460 San Antonio, Texas.

02:09:10.280 Nashville, January 21st.

02:09:12.040 That's this week.

02:09:13.240 Next week.

02:09:14.040 Next week.

02:09:14.600 Next Monday, right?

02:09:16.020 Or Sunday.

02:09:17.120 Sunday.

02:09:19.460 Out in LA, January 27th.

02:09:21.260 That might be out there.

02:09:22.000 That's going to be cool.

02:09:24.300 San Diego.

02:09:25.880 Comedy Works Denver.

02:09:26.640 Have you been there?

02:09:27.540 No.

02:09:27.940 It's my first time.

02:09:30.280 Dude, it's so cool.

02:09:31.100 You're getting to go to all these places.

02:09:33.320 It is very cool.

02:09:35.160 I'm nervous because I assume it's snowy in Denver right now.

02:09:40.400 Yeah.

02:09:40.900 And I think there's one downtown and there's one that's on the-

02:09:44.580 South or whatever.

02:09:45.820 Yeah.

02:09:46.020 I'm doing that one.

02:09:47.100 The South one?

02:09:48.080 South one's good.

02:09:48.840 It's got a good, there's like good places to eat right around there.

02:09:51.500 Oh, and the room is super cool.

02:09:53.300 I've actually never done the downtown one.

02:09:55.640 I've only done the South one.

02:09:56.620 I think downtown is new and it's more like events is what I heard.

02:10:02.660 I'm not sure.

02:10:04.020 Wait, you're going to be in LA?

02:10:05.740 Yeah.

02:10:06.140 At the same time?

02:10:07.720 Well, I-

02:10:08.260 I'll have to come watch.

02:10:08.860 I have a show at the belly room.

02:10:10.900 You do?

02:10:11.540 Mm-hmm.

02:10:11.880 Um, if I'm there at the same time, I'll do it.

02:10:14.940 You didn't invite me to do it.

02:10:16.200 No, I want you to.

02:10:17.240 That's where I was going.

02:10:18.360 Oh, it was?

02:10:18.660 I talk real slow.

02:10:19.940 Oh, sorry.

02:10:20.480 I was like, God, this is getting really-

02:10:22.340 She's having a flare up.

02:10:23.200 You're like, she's putting me-

02:10:23.760 It is nap time.

02:10:25.040 Holy shit.

02:10:26.380 Do you get a nap time?

02:10:27.600 Uh, I mean-

02:10:28.760 If Matt lets me.

02:10:31.280 Yeah.

02:10:32.140 That pervert.

02:10:32.900 He doesn't let anybody.

02:10:34.040 He just watches.

02:10:35.560 Um, well, Matt was in the background here.

02:10:38.340 Uh, so, um, Matt, uh, thanks so much for being here.

02:10:42.680 Taylor, that's your last name?

02:10:44.140 Yeah.

02:10:44.820 Um, Matt Taylor.

02:10:46.120 Fiona Cawley, thanks so much for coming in and hanging out today.

02:10:48.980 I'm glad we got to chat and just laugh and, um, and think about some stuff together.

02:10:52.740 And best of luck.

02:10:53.580 And you guys go see her, check her out wherever she is.

02:10:55.920 Um, it's great.

02:10:57.100 It's really, really great.

02:10:57.960 This is one of the funniest episodes I've had in, I mean, probably two years is probably

02:11:01.300 some of the most I laughed.

02:11:02.260 So, thank you.

02:11:02.820 Thank you for having me.

02:11:08.340 I'm falling like these leaves.

02:11:10.520 I must be cornerstone.

02:11:15.740 Oh, but when I reach that ground, I'll share this peace of mind I found.

02:11:21.260 I can feel it in my bones.

02:11:25.540 But it's gonna tell you.

02:11:27.300 I can feel it in my bones.

This Past Weekend with Theo Von - January 16, 2026

#634 - Fiona Cauley

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