This Past Weekend with Theo Von - #656 - Fahim Anwar

00:00:00.000 I want to let you know that I'll be doing a podcast,

00:00:03.720 taping this podcast before a live audience.

00:00:07.640 It's the only time I've ever done that.

00:00:09.720 And it may be the only time I ever do.

00:00:10.960 I don't know.

00:00:11.480 But that will be with the champ, Iron Mike Tyson,

00:00:16.140 on May 5th in Los Angeles at the Wiltern Theater

00:00:20.040 as part of the Netflix is a Joke Fest.

00:00:23.100 And after that, it'll be on our channel.

00:00:25.120 So you can see it there.

00:00:25.900 You can get tickets at theovahn.com slash T-O-U-R.

00:00:32.440 Today's guest is a stand-up comedian.

00:00:34.600 He's an actor, and he's a dancer.

00:00:38.760 He's a dancer.

00:00:40.380 We've been friends for a long time, and it's great to finally have him in.

00:00:43.640 His new special, Intrusive Thoughts, is right now available on YouTube.

00:00:49.520 We've got a link in the description.

00:00:51.600 Today's guest is my friend, Mr. Fahim Anwar.

00:00:55.900 You know what I'm saying?

00:01:12.440 That doesn't even happen.

00:01:13.340 Somebody just said there were some fires going on.

00:01:14.980 Are there?

00:01:16.020 Remember when everyone had that fire app for like three weeks?

00:01:18.500 And then we deleted it?

00:01:19.940 Yeah, yeah.

00:01:20.740 Right?

00:01:21.400 Like, we just were all about that fire app, but like, I deleted it.

00:01:25.000 Yeah.

00:01:25.280 Or are you still trying to find out, like, what fires are going on in Oregon or something?

00:01:28.620 Oh, bro, when people had that app, bring up that app.

00:01:31.100 What was that?

00:01:31.880 Was it called Fire?

00:01:32.860 I mean, that's true.

00:01:34.420 I think it was called Something's Burning.

00:01:35.980 Wasn't it just an advertisement for Berkreiser's podcasts?

00:01:39.360 It was cross-pollination.

00:01:41.420 What was that app?

00:01:42.760 Watch Duty.

00:01:43.580 That was the app, bro.

00:01:45.940 Yeah, remember?

00:01:46.720 It was like, oh, there it is.

00:01:48.160 Oh, it's on the fire.

00:01:49.540 It's like, oh, it's on Venice Boulevard, you know?

00:01:52.120 Well, it was like, you thought you were going to die.

00:01:53.740 So you're just like, am I by the flames?

00:01:55.920 Do I have to outrun it?

00:01:57.580 It just says run.

00:01:58.920 It just pops up.

00:02:00.800 Dude, that was it right there.

00:02:02.460 Remember when the flames would get bigger and they had airplanes going by?

00:02:05.920 And every now and then they would have this like a burning emoji would just run across the screen.

00:02:10.540 They would have an icon of a guy setting fires.

00:02:12.700 You're like, somebody take care of him.

00:02:13.840 Why is he?

00:02:15.600 Cops get on it.

00:02:16.580 Yeah, dude, that app was crazy.

00:02:18.300 And it was like, oh, leave your popcorn kernels out on your veranda.

00:02:22.240 It's going to be a hot one.

00:02:23.240 yeah yeah it's crazy they're like oh it's gonna be yeah definitely it's a great day to make some

00:02:29.480 it's a great day to get some popcorn going yeah they're probably i mean it was bittersweet like

00:02:33.740 the developers were probably stoked yeah that you know everyone's downloading the app but it's a

00:02:38.980 shame that like this has to happen for the downloads to go through the roof maybe they're

00:02:43.040 starting it dude that's what i was saying i wonder if they could find knowing what we know now like

00:02:48.860 i wonder if they could find like a connection between the developers were the ones starting

00:02:53.160 the fires because that's what you start to realize in the world it's like yeah if there's a crazy app

00:02:57.560 that comes out that helps solve a problem the other side of the makers of the app sometimes are

00:03:02.920 they're in conjunction with the people making the problem you got to create the need yeah you got to

00:03:08.520 create the need dude Fahim Amar good to see you dude thanks for having me man oh man same thank

00:03:14.800 you this is great yeah it's been awesome man thanks for your patience too of course um yeah

00:03:19.420 I know you have a new special that's coming out, right?

00:03:21.260 Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:03:22.160 Yeah.

00:03:22.400 And what's the name of it?

00:03:23.340 It's called – I'm blanking on it. 1.00

00:03:26.040 Oh, shit. 0.99

00:03:26.420 I'll help here. 0.99

00:03:27.180 And this will help the name of it.

00:03:27.880 Hold on.

00:03:28.160 I should know what it's called.

00:03:29.000 Intrusive Thoughts.

00:03:30.020 Bro, there you go.

00:03:30.680 I need some of them right now.

00:03:31.900 Yeah.

00:03:32.280 It's almost like, yeah, yeah, you could use one.

00:03:34.720 I'm doing a promo run. 0.99

00:03:35.760 This is good to get the kinks out. 0.96

00:03:37.100 What's the name of the special? 0.89

00:03:40.720 Let me just do the biggest podcast and go, what's the name of the special?

00:03:46.000 Should I look – I want to hit every camera where I have a brain fart.

00:03:49.840 Intrusive Thought. 0.78

00:03:50.800 Yeah.

00:03:51.200 I think I was thinking of my last special and I, yeah.

00:03:53.860 And it's out now?

00:03:55.440 It's out now.

00:03:56.040 Yeah, yeah.

00:03:56.560 Oh, nice, man.

00:03:57.360 Congratulations.

00:03:58.000 Thank you, man.

00:03:58.480 Thank you.

00:03:59.200 And you're also, what's the show that you do?

00:04:01.380 It's the fixing.

00:04:02.980 Oh, the working?

00:04:03.840 The working on stuff?

00:04:04.560 Yeah.

00:04:05.040 So it's in the belly room at the comedy store.

00:04:06.940 That one's called Fahim Works on Stuff.

00:04:09.220 And it's a weekly series I do.

00:04:10.320 I work on material and then eventually,

00:04:12.700 sometimes it makes it into the set.

00:04:14.520 So like this hour I did,

00:04:15.560 a lot of those jokes ended up making it.

00:04:17.280 But if you like stand up and how it's crafted and stuff, that's a fun one to check out.

00:04:21.200 Oh, so like from the stage all the way and then how they ended up in.

00:04:25.060 Well, it's just me trying jokes out.

00:04:26.420 Like I have paper and stuff and there's, you know, the way we write material, you know, you get ideas and you try it out.

00:04:31.380 I just, I film it and then I put it up and I'd love to have you do it sometime too.

00:04:35.700 I'd love to have you on the show.

00:04:36.680 Yeah, man.

00:04:37.000 If I'm in town, I'd love to do it.

00:04:38.220 Thank you.

00:04:38.800 Of course.

00:04:39.200 I thought it was like Fahim works on stuff.

00:04:40.940 It was like you fixing like a motor or something.

00:04:43.360 Yeah, that's bad branding.

00:04:44.560 I guess some people in the comments are like, I thought there'd be a carburetor.

00:04:47.280 that's on me

00:04:48.680 but I'm on the thumbnail

00:04:50.340 I'm doing this

00:04:51.500 there you go right there

00:04:52.200 he works on stuff

00:04:53.140 and his friends drop by

00:04:54.160 that's great

00:04:54.720 so it's yeah

00:04:55.700 it's a nice

00:04:56.100 and so you dude

00:04:57.040 nobody works on stuff

00:04:58.200 more than you bro

00:04:58.960 you are like

00:04:59.760 you're the guy

00:05:00.740 that's always done

00:05:01.560 like to me

00:05:02.020 that's always done it

00:05:02.660 like a true comedian

00:05:04.360 does it

00:05:05.600 if people have an idea

00:05:06.780 of what that is

00:05:07.440 and everybody's ideas

00:05:08.080 can be different

00:05:08.720 but if you had like

00:05:09.980 this idea of like

00:05:10.960 well it's very flattering man

00:05:12.200 thank you man

00:05:12.840 but yeah I was expecting

00:05:14.140 something like a car

00:05:15.280 but I was expecting

00:05:15.860 something different

00:05:16.500 Or I just thought it was like one of like Burt's Chrysler shows where if he like every other, you know, he always has like Burt fights a mole or whatever, you know, right.

00:05:23.560 It's like, you know, I'm just I'm working on a different thing.

00:05:26.480 Every show, like it's a skateboard, one show, a BMX.

00:05:29.980 Yeah.

00:05:30.400 And then maybe a Impala.

00:05:33.220 He's building in the comments.

00:05:35.600 What do you want me to work on that?

00:05:39.120 Yeah. 1.00

00:05:39.560 And then your wife's like, why don't you work on this marriage or whatever, dude? 0.72

00:05:43.040 Are you married?

00:05:43.600 I don't know.

00:05:44.420 Okay.

00:05:44.920 I don't work on that.

00:05:46.040 they work on jokes and yeah yeah because whoa is that you guys whip that up just now

00:05:51.460 yeah wow um if i he man were working under the hood always greasing bro that's just dope dude

00:05:59.640 you're kind of black arming there but they've given me bigger forearms i kind of like that 0.60

00:06:04.300 yeah you look they made me beefier dude with that chassis grease right there that can of it

00:06:10.060 I like how they kept the Apple Watch.

00:06:15.220 AI's not cutting me a break at all.

00:06:19.560 Bro, you got to have something on you to let you know when lunch is, bro.

00:06:23.480 That's the thing.

00:06:24.080 Should I do this?

00:06:24.800 I look way happier doing this.

00:06:26.600 I haven't smiled this much ever on stage, but I'm just looking.

00:06:30.800 It's like my child.

00:06:32.720 Oh, with that pride, that's great, dude.

00:06:36.300 What was I going to ask you?

00:06:37.320 Oh, do you see that guy hit the Jumbotron or something?

00:06:40.060 that no i missed it what was it i mean this is way less important than your special but let's

00:06:44.360 let's veer off yeah another view of the parachuter who hits the jumbotron at the virginia tech game

00:06:50.760 this is the problem now with dei dude it's like they can't even get a good parachuter

00:06:56.100 do we know the race of the guy who was parachuting though

00:06:58.720 he survived i mean but that's crazy bro just another gooner getting too close to the screen

00:07:10.660 Dude, you would think, what if the whole stadium just saw a guy die before a game?

00:07:15.880 Do they continue the game?

00:07:18.260 That's a great question.

00:07:19.680 Like, you do a half at least, right?

00:07:21.900 You do a half, and then out of respect, you don't play the rest of the half.

00:07:24.840 You play half a game when a guy dies.

00:07:26.940 Yeah, that'd be crazy.

00:07:27.840 What would happen?

00:07:29.460 Say that guy, who obviously was, what was he doing where he got too occupied?

00:07:35.940 Yeah.

00:07:36.360 Were he doing his phone?

00:07:37.540 Yeah.

00:07:37.760 It was just like this.

00:07:39.300 he was watching footage of him he's like well i'm getting pretty close to that thing

00:07:43.360 oh man it's just sad bro that gooning dude they those guys want to get so close to the screen 0.92

00:07:50.960 dude they want to be right there it's not enough we used to masturbate like in 0.63

00:07:55.600 like almost what is considered now kind of archaic way pages yes a 2d image yeah like kids don't know 0.98

00:08:03.840 what that's like to that's like jerking off to a shadow at this point you know what i mean

00:08:08.400 yeah the only volume was you had to quietly turn the page remember that yeah sometimes you would

00:08:13.180 like move it around and make it dance make it seem like she's really there yeah now they're

00:08:16.920 like apple vision pro they're like load me up they're loading up different chicks they're having

00:08:22.280 threesome yeah yeah oh they're having eight some they're having a freaking other like there's 0.76

00:08:27.220 they have one where an octopus will jerk you off and if you guess the army's gonna do it with 0.98

00:08:30.980 like you win more coins or whatever i'm like what is it that'd be cool if there was an orgy with 0.94

00:08:36.820 Like, everyone's wearing an Apple Vision Pro, but it's just, like, 12 people naked in a room. 0.99

00:08:41.620 Like, y'all could be fucking each other. 0.99

00:08:43.460 And they're like, the environment's better in this world. 1.00

00:08:46.960 We're on the pyramids.

00:08:48.400 Yeah, dude, what are you talking about?

00:08:52.480 We're on the Mayflower. 1.00

00:08:54.260 Why would I fuck in my living room like some fucking, like, some senior citizen when I could fuck on the Challenger, but you only have 40 seconds to fuck? 1.00

00:09:04.420 The Challenger? 1.00

00:09:05.500 Yeah.

00:09:05.700 So it's like sort of like a bust contest.

00:09:07.840 You have to do it under the clock or you blow up.

00:09:10.920 You have to bust before you bust.

00:09:12.720 Yeah.

00:09:13.260 That's the name of the game.

00:09:17.180 And you go, you died without busting.

00:09:20.200 What game is this?

00:09:22.360 Dude, it's definitely getting.

00:09:24.400 It's free, but then you have to pay for the tokens.

00:09:26.360 That's where they get you.

00:09:27.620 The game's free.

00:09:29.060 The game is free, but yeah, you get different coins too.

00:09:31.640 I know there's like the – there's that one, I know, virtual reality sex thing where they're having sex on like famous like sad times that happen.

00:09:43.520 I think there's one they're doing now. 0.83

00:09:45.440 Palantir's doing one where you can just do it right in the Gaza rubble.

00:09:48.680 They're offering that.

00:09:49.940 That's a new service.

00:09:50.960 Yeah.

00:09:51.240 They're pivoting.

00:09:52.080 Yeah.

00:09:52.340 It's sort of like Allbirds, the shoe company, went AI.

00:09:55.600 And everyone's like, okay.

00:09:58.800 Yeah.

00:09:59.240 that's like crocs getting into like biotech you know and that's just allowed dude that's so funny

00:10:08.180 bro imagine palantir actually they would come out with something like that dude that soulless group

00:10:13.620 um yeah but there's that's where it's going to get to it's like oh well oh sorry i would love to

00:10:19.300 work out today but i'm like i'm banging a couple chicks on the trail of tears later this afternoon

00:10:24.420 And like, I'm meeting up with a couple of friends and we have, we're meeting up in an

00:10:28.800 opioid crisis basement from like 2022, you know, it's just going to get weirder and weirder.

00:10:34.880 Why does it have to be like busting to sad stuff?

00:10:37.320 It's just, it's a funny, those are the only levels.

00:10:40.080 It can't be a meadow.

00:10:41.380 It has to be like the worst.

00:10:43.240 What do you mean?

00:10:43.660 Like a meadow, like a meadow from like, um, the hills that like, uh, like the sound of

00:10:47.820 music or something.

00:10:48.440 Yeah.

00:10:48.960 That'd be nice.

00:10:49.660 Ooh, that'd be beautiful.

00:10:50.640 Like in Stockholm.

00:10:51.960 Sure.

00:10:52.720 Is that where it was?

00:10:53.360 bring up a stockholm meadow please what is it like there oh that's nice oh god look at that

00:11:01.760 it's like a xp screensaver right there and where yeah that is remember that when the nicest thing

00:11:08.000 your house was your screensaver oh yeah but you looked out of your real windows and it was just

00:11:12.480 like a bunch of like it was like two black dudes fighting like a like a crow in baltimore or 0.89

00:11:17.400 whatever what if that was the screensaver they sent to the hood like you couldn't even have the 0.88

00:11:21.320 it had to be like

00:11:22.300 what's outside your window

00:11:23.160 yeah

00:11:23.600 so it couldn't even be that

00:11:24.640 it was just like

00:11:26.040 dilapidated cars

00:11:27.960 what is that place

00:11:29.440 oh

00:11:29.680 go back to the previous one Nick

00:11:31.480 whatever you clicked on

00:11:33.660 right here

00:11:34.140 Green Meadow

00:11:35.660 at Ironson

00:11:37.400 Joe Hagen

00:11:38.580 but yeah dude

00:11:39.980 you're right

00:11:40.700 I'm thinking of like

00:11:41.600 negative things

00:11:42.600 but it is funny

00:11:43.640 I do like that constraint

00:11:45.200 that it's a pretty awesome

00:11:46.860 video game

00:11:47.740 but

00:11:48.720 it has to be in terrible places

00:11:50.760 yeah that's just the deal yeah maybe the patch will let you do nice places but until then we're

00:11:57.320 beta testing the terrible places right in the beginning it's like virtual reality sex thing 0.89

00:12:01.620 yeah okay but in the beginning you only get to like like do like you can have orgies and meet

00:12:07.660 ups you're allowed to have like six or seven friends but you can't have like 40 friends join

00:12:10.920 you right then you have to pay that's like a paid tier yes and you get like you unlock better places

00:12:18.360 to be able to kind of basically jerk off in hypothetically

00:12:21.240 that you would never be able to go to because...

00:12:23.600 What do you think the ultimate unlock is?

00:12:25.540 Ooh.

00:12:26.440 Well, what are some second tiers even?

00:12:28.040 Let's, if you don't mind.

00:12:28.800 You unlock movie theater, let's say,

00:12:30.700 if you want to do a throwback, you know?

00:12:32.340 Yeah, movie theater, maybe...

00:12:34.240 Like a porn theater back in the day.

00:12:35.880 Yeah, Jets game or whatever.

00:12:37.620 Sure, sure.

00:12:39.160 Do you think there's a guy?

00:12:40.420 I mean, that's terrible, right?

00:12:41.980 But kudos to the guy who can do that.

00:12:44.400 Who can bang it out to a Jets game, you know?

00:12:47.640 Yeah.

00:12:48.000 Like football's going on, there's peanuts and popcorn, and he can still, like if there

00:12:55.100 was like a talent scout for adult films, it'd be like, that guy, he's going to do it on

00:12:58.940 cue.

00:12:59.400 Yeah.

00:13:00.100 We're looking at him for the second round.

00:13:01.600 Yeah, we're drafting that guy.

00:13:02.860 Most people can't with like a few people watching.

00:13:04.260 This guy does like a whole stadium.

00:13:06.380 Yeah, that's scary, dude.

00:13:08.740 Imagine, I would have dreams where I'd imagine like it was like a big thing and you had to

00:13:12.340 jerk off a mountain or whatever, like a village couldn't eat or whatever, and everybody's 0.97

00:13:15.960 there cheering and shit. 1.00

00:13:17.080 That's a lot of pressure. 0.99

00:13:18.000 Yeah

00:13:19.040 And then it's like

00:13:20.600 Eight more weeks of winter

00:13:21.780 For your stomachs bro 1.00

00:13:22.820 Y'all ain't eating shit dude 0.99

00:13:24.380 Cause y'all made me too nervous up here 1.00

00:13:26.400 You blame it on them?

00:13:27.620 Yeah we have to

00:13:28.580 They're cheering

00:13:29.460 Don't cheer

00:13:30.880 It's like golf

00:13:31.500 I need silence

00:13:32.880 I can't do this with you 1.00

00:13:34.320 Yapping in my 0.98

00:13:34.920 I have to start over

00:13:36.420 I had it and then I lost it

00:13:38.320 Yeah yeah that's it

00:13:39.680 Can you get in the other room?

00:13:41.480 Ugh

00:13:41.840 But yeah that's just sad

00:13:43.500 Some guy

00:13:44.260 Jumps out

00:13:45.760 i guess he jumped out of a rocket or something i mean what was he even doing yeah and then um

00:13:52.680 yeah what would some of the yeah what would some of the highest tiers be like okay and you can't

00:13:56.660 really tell your parents unless they're like also unless they play the game then they already know

00:14:00.500 right then they see you like because your gamer tag is on there yes and your dad sees that and

00:14:05.680 you go you play too yeah that's that's sad dude yeah and when the power goes out of your place

00:14:12.120 And both you and your dad, you just hear each other like, dang, God.

00:14:17.920 Because both of y'all just got shut down and you're freaking from the goona sphere or whatever.

00:14:22.900 What did, bring up, let's, I want to learn more about gooning.

00:14:25.120 Do you know a lot about it?

00:14:26.140 I don't know.

00:14:26.700 These young kids, you know, they have all these terms and then I learned about it way too late.

00:14:30.940 So gooning, is that just like pining?

00:14:33.640 Is that the new version of pining?

00:14:36.060 I'm not, I think it's just like, you're into something.

00:14:40.280 Let's bring it up here on perplexity

00:14:42.480 I feel like this is overkill for AI

00:14:44.620 This is like shooting a fly with a cannon

00:14:47.940 AI, what is gooning? 1.00

00:14:50.860 You have like Tony Stark shit 0.99

00:14:52.500 Just to explain 0.99

00:14:53.660 AI, what's 2 plus 2?

00:14:57.160 Perplexity is a sponsor

00:14:58.240 We're gonna pull up 2 plus 2

00:15:00.520 Perplexity, what color is this guy? 1.00

00:15:03.740 My perplexity must think I am the fucking dumbest guy in the world, dude 1.00

00:15:07.180 We ask the most basic shit because we don't know it 1.00

00:15:09.700 This is the most Theo thing, though, ever. 0.99

00:15:12.020 This is like quintessential Theo.

00:15:14.140 Pull up AI.

00:15:15.300 Pull up Goonie. 0.53

00:15:16.900 Just the most robust infrastructure for the silliest thing.

00:15:21.500 We built all of this just to look that up.

00:15:23.900 Dude, they need to do a remake of Goonies, but it's Goon.

00:15:26.360 But it's Gooning.

00:15:27.800 Bro, you sold it in the room. 0.97

00:15:29.780 Yeah, yeah.

00:15:30.680 You sold it on Name Alone. 0.92

00:15:32.200 Bro, you telling me and they all have to get to one magic spot and they all jerk off in like a cup from like a senior citizen from like 2,000 years ago.

00:15:38.760 i just picture you in a suit at paramount pitching this like you're saying all the same things

00:15:43.380 and you pitch it in a suit what does it say quick definition modern sexual meaning in current 0.87

00:15:49.980 internet slang gooning is a form of marathon masturbation and porn consumption where someone 0.56

00:15:56.880 stays aroused for a long time so it's basically like trying to um keep the party going you and 0.96

00:16:02.760 also i think it's trying to keep your wiener up so it's trying there's like a level of like you

00:16:07.100 know what they get the fish thing when they try to get the dolphin like stay on its tail for a

00:16:10.780 little while so gooning is the human equivalent of a dolphin staying on the water yeah when they 0.99

00:16:15.860 yes you have to make that sound when you're good mine sounds like a fucking broke down gay dude 0.99

00:16:22.780 it's pretty good yours is like half and half human half dolphin like the blade 0.99

00:16:30.120 yeah mine sounds like an asian car that won't start dude just

00:16:34.100 so that's gooning pretty much huh um let's get a little more sorry is it like edging didn't

00:16:42.840 wasn't that a thing before well someone stays aroused for a long time often hours edging

00:16:48.140 themselves into a trance like zoned out state rather than just quickly getting off that's crazy

00:16:55.520 bro so i didn't know that i thought it was just i mean i guess i mean i knew that it was somebody 0.99

00:17:01.240 like that was really locked in on seeing their their penis and wanting to come or just being 0.96

00:17:07.680 involved with pornographia you know or porno or whatever i knew it was a lot of that but i didn't 0.99

00:17:13.760 know that this exists well just the levels they're going to for it um solo means non-partner porn 0.99

00:17:20.880 driven often multiple tabs niche content things on loop what are you fucking doing are you like 0.99

00:17:27.920 Reggie Watts or whatever like 0.96

00:17:29.520 you have a loop machine you're playing this thing you're like

00:17:31.980 a DJ what if this is the birth of hip hop 0.91

00:17:33.820 it's a new genre of porn where like

00:17:35.900 people would just play the whole thing but I started chopping it up

00:17:38.180 and now people come to

00:17:39.900 my porn DJ sets all the time 0.53

00:17:41.600 oh yeah 0.99

00:17:43.720 oh yeah

00:17:44.640 the Coachella main stage 0.98

00:17:47.420 and the beat drops dude and just fucking 0.99

00:17:49.620 like fakes like 0.99

00:17:51.260 that's when the fog comes like

00:17:52.880 or the foam like in Ibiza

00:17:55.020 yeah

00:17:56.820 Oh, that's goony, man. 1.00

00:18:00.140 Dang, it's integral. 0.84

00:18:00.920 Long before it had anything to do with porn, 0.99

00:18:02.860 goon meant things like fool, thug, or a henchman. 0.95

00:18:06.180 The history roughly looks like older English roots, 0.99

00:18:08.580 goony, goon.

00:18:09.900 Do you think old-fashioned goons are upset

00:18:11.600 that it's like their word has been taken away?

00:18:14.020 They go, no, I don't do that.

00:18:15.020 I'm a goon.

00:18:15.860 Yeah.

00:18:16.420 I'm a muscle.

00:18:17.720 I'm a goon for the mob.

00:18:19.920 I'm not. 1.00

00:18:20.640 These Gen Z fuckers are. 1.00

00:18:23.640 I'm an OG goon. 1.00

00:18:24.780 I'm a real goon, brother.

00:18:26.080 I'm a real goon. 0.97

00:18:26.820 yeah i'm not just jerking off or whatever somewhere but it's just sad that like 0.96

00:18:30.840 this is kind of like our military now it's like there's enough of them doing it now where it's

00:18:36.100 like they have like meetups and they have like you know they have almost like those dance-a-thons

00:18:41.980 or whatever where it's like like it's like uh what is it fonzie like a sock hop or something

00:18:47.660 yeah it's like we're raising money for uh testicular cancer whatever and how many kids

00:18:53.420 Is there, in the, like, what's it called if people goon together?

00:18:56.820 Is there a, there's got to be something.

00:18:59.140 That actually sounds like good for the community.

00:19:01.420 Quit gooning by yourself.

00:19:02.720 Goon together.

00:19:03.760 Get the goon off. 0.88

00:19:04.800 Yeah.

00:19:05.160 Down at the local gymnasium.

00:19:07.180 Winner of the goon off gets a Hyundai Elantra.

00:19:12.000 When people say goon together, it's typically referred to as a group gooning or participating in a goon session.

00:19:16.560 Communal gooning, often organized via online communities like Discord, Reddit, and adult platforms.

00:19:22.640 Wow.

00:19:23.420 huh oh group sessions okay i don't this must be i think this is a younger person's thing too

00:19:28.880 like a teenage or adult i mean like or college age i don't really i don't think i have the time

00:19:34.180 to devote to that yeah it seems like a lot of time i wonder if we're just out of touch like

00:19:38.580 do you think parents are like i don't understand your goon he's like you don't get me dad yeah

00:19:43.760 my friends are doing it like we're just too old richard he's in there gooning right now

00:19:48.080 it's like that that uh weed commercial like where did you learn to goon i learned it from 0.99

00:19:53.160 watching you yeah oh that shit hit me dude i didn't even have a kid i was if i was a kid 0.99

00:19:57.660 i was a kid and i just felt all the pain of it like god oh man that's wild dude anyway 0.98

00:20:06.700 bro good to see you dude same man thank you for having me and i don't know if i told you

00:20:11.220 officially but thank you for having me on tour with you with those dates oh that was so fun to

00:20:15.300 do i'd never done something like that so like i've been doing stand-up a long time but i haven't

00:20:20.060 played venues like that before where'd we play in seattle now no no we did the midwest run so we

00:20:24.900 did iowa we did minnesota we did north dakota south dakota oh yeah but i've just never played

00:20:31.220 venues that large before so i mean the largest i've done before i came out with you is 7 000 at

00:20:37.940 the dolby 7 000 people and then we did some of these were like 18 000 i just wanted to do that

00:20:43.680 for me just like what is that like it's like big wave surfing you know yeah for real it's scary man

00:20:49.700 And because I met up with you guys in Iowa, I think at first, like tour bus, there's the venue and all that.

00:20:55.360 And then you look at the seats in the daytime and it's like that scene in Interstellar where they see that giant wave.

00:21:03.120 You know what I mean?

00:21:04.300 Like your heart kind of sinks a bit.

00:21:06.240 You're like, oh, man, these are going to be filled with people.

00:21:09.260 But then you do one and you're like, I know what this is.

00:21:13.320 Yeah, it takes some.

00:21:14.560 It's like, I mean, definitely navigating some of that is different.

00:21:17.260 And thanks for coming, dude

00:21:19.720 Of course, man

00:21:20.780 Thank you so much, dude

00:21:21.800 A lot of times it's tough to get a lot of headliners to come out on the road

00:21:24.840 Because a lot of them are working different weekends or something like that

00:21:26.900 I know that was an off weekend for you, so thanks for coming out

00:21:29.560 Of course

00:21:29.960 Yeah, dude, were we at the place where that place in North Dakota

00:21:34.280 Was I think the biggest building I'd ever been in

00:21:36.320 Was it Fargo Dome?

00:21:37.360 Yes

00:21:37.720 That was insane

00:21:38.640 The buses were like inside

00:21:40.400 And then there was a whole other inside where they had like a basketball court

00:21:45.160 Yeah, we were playing basketball before the show behind a curtain.

00:21:48.460 It was like two stadiums almost.

00:21:50.420 The place was divided in half, and even with it divided in half, it was huge.

00:21:54.780 It was unbelievable.

00:21:55.820 And it was like, yeah, they sell animals in here.

00:21:58.460 They do everything in here.

00:21:59.860 They churn it.

00:22:00.860 They earn it, whatever.

00:22:01.960 They had a whole shirt, like, churn and yearn or whatever. 0.88

00:22:05.180 It was like kind of an Amish thing, and then, like, defeating, like, sexual sin or whatever. 0.54

00:22:12.020 Right. 0.95

00:22:12.680 They do that.

00:22:13.200 But do you remember, I don't know if you told the story, my favorite, there's like two moments from the tour that I like were my favorite.

00:22:19.300 The, the guy's hat blowing off.

00:22:21.320 Have you told that on here?

00:22:22.320 No, I haven't told that.

00:22:23.840 You remember, right?

00:22:24.920 Yeah.

00:22:25.220 It was like wizard work.

00:22:26.560 Well, we were in Clear Lake, right?

00:22:28.300 Yes.

00:22:28.700 So what's cool about you is like you want to do stuff in the town.

00:22:31.240 Back in the day, I would tour with Bobby and he just, he's like a vampire.

00:22:34.440 He just closes and he's in the darkness until it's time for the show.

00:22:38.000 But you actually want to hang out.

00:22:39.520 And so we got lunch.

00:22:41.000 We're in the tour bus, right? 1.00

00:22:41.980 He's like a Chinese vampire. 1.00

00:22:44.740 I think he does Xbox or PlayStation until the show. 1.00

00:22:47.440 He's fucking Goonies. 0.98

00:22:48.680 He's probably Goonies. 1.00

00:22:49.740 He started it, dude.

00:22:51.300 He's data from Goonies, too.

00:22:53.260 He's patient zero for Goonies.

00:22:54.760 Yeah, okay.

00:22:56.300 So we get lunch before the shows, and we park on the outskirts.

00:23:00.560 Yeah.

00:23:01.080 Yeah, yeah.

00:23:01.900 And then, so right before this even happened, we're going to walk to the sandwich shop because, you know, like, oh, it's rated pretty high on Yelp.

00:23:08.280 So we're in the middle of nowhere, pretty much.

00:23:10.120 It's a beautiful town, right?

00:23:11.240 that unbelievable so nice like a spielberg movie or something small town usa we're just walking

00:23:16.160 down the thoroughfare and it's blowing like you're not supposed to be there it's so weird to

00:23:21.240 these people they're like then there's this guy this heavyset guy you know he's like what the what 0.56

00:23:25.760 the fuck fio von oh man can i get a picture and then he came up but we were kind of running late 0.61

00:23:30.940 and he's like you're like sure thing man just uh we're running a little late if you can like you 0.98

00:23:34.880 know keep up with us and we'll get we'll get that selfie he's like you got it and then it was really

00:23:39.320 It was like really windy.

00:23:40.260 So he like, he gets up to you and the wind just blows his hat off.

00:23:43.500 Yeah.

00:23:43.720 Right when he got, right when he got up to you, he's like, oh, oh.

00:23:47.720 So then, and it was, it was like bad wind.

00:23:49.940 It went like a block away.

00:23:51.100 It was bad wind.

00:23:52.160 Like, it was like, that's one of the reasons why we were trying to get like, it was like,

00:23:55.120 dude, we're going to be late where we're going.

00:23:56.460 We would have been on time, but the wind was like, it was uphill when you were just flat.

00:24:01.240 It was the worst winds that I'd ever been in.

00:24:03.760 And it was beautiful day, insane winds, cloud seeding, Israel, go on. 0.77

00:24:09.320 So the hat blows off.

00:24:10.980 The guy gets it.

00:24:12.220 He puts it on.

00:24:13.180 He catches up to you.

00:24:14.660 And it blew far.

00:24:15.340 It blew far.

00:24:15.980 It blew probably.

00:24:17.780 He was probably in zone two trying to catch it.

00:24:19.660 Like his heart rate was up.

00:24:22.020 Yeah, it blew.

00:24:22.980 Yeah, it blew in probably 60 feet, which is far on a windy day.

00:24:27.780 And it kind of went around the edge of a truck.

00:24:29.320 Like it blew far.

00:24:30.280 Yeah. 0.99

00:24:30.660 We're like, holy shit. 0.99

00:24:31.660 He tracked it down, put it on. 0.99

00:24:33.920 Man, what are you doing here?

00:24:34.940 I'm a huge. 0.78

00:24:36.680 Blows again.

00:24:37.440 He runs.

00:24:38.440 He repeats.

00:24:38.940 he goes he gets it we're still walking and my feeling started getting hurt a little bit at

00:24:42.760 this point because it's like dude look that hat's gonna be here all the time that's what we were

00:24:46.660 thinking like like yo how often are you in clear lake this guy's going he's a bigger fan of this

00:24:52.960 hat that's what it was than he is of you right and he kept kind of he's like just wait just wait

00:24:57.820 and we're kind of waiting but getting hit by the wind and like okay go on the third time so it

00:25:03.300 happens three times he catches he finally catches up with us but it was just so funny like that whole

00:25:07.980 day we were just laughing about the wind blowing that guy's hat and then like how absurd it was

00:25:14.200 like one of those moments you're like this cannot be real right like it was just oh hold on you know

00:25:19.540 it was a cartoon it was literally like a looney tune and we'd have to sit there at one point we

00:25:23.740 sat on a bench for like a little bit and waiting for him to go get his hat again we're like

00:25:27.200 because the hat like he just i don't know i think he also wore the lightest hats it's like dude

00:25:32.320 it was like paper mache it was made out of kleenex and it would just blow off

00:25:36.060 it was made out of clinic and he just sharpied New York on it

00:25:39.100 it's like a repurposed kite

00:25:41.180 that Tom's has made

00:25:43.080 and now they're making hats

00:25:44.420 you know

00:25:45.180 it's designed to blow off your head

00:25:47.680 and then we walked over to the

00:25:50.640 surf ballroom remember that

00:25:52.100 oh yeah

00:25:52.840 the Richie Valens

00:25:55.160 and the Big Bopper

00:25:57.140 where they played their last show dude before that plane crash

00:26:00.660 and it was still as intact

00:26:02.740 as ever it was like going back in the past

00:26:04.720 They were so happy

00:26:05.920 We were there

00:26:06.400 They like gave us

00:26:07.080 A tour of everything

00:26:08.040 You got to see the phone

00:26:09.380 Where they called

00:26:10.000 Like where he called his mom

00:26:10.940 And he's like

00:26:11.260 Don't worry mom

00:26:11.880 I'll be home

00:26:12.480 Yeah so much history there

00:26:13.680 And then we got shirts

00:26:15.160 We got matching shirts

00:26:16.300 We did

00:26:16.860 I've worn mine

00:26:17.800 I've worn mine too

00:26:18.700 It's a good shirt

00:26:19.280 We should wear it

00:26:19.780 On the same show sometime

00:26:20.760 Yeah

00:26:21.420 I'm like yeah

00:26:22.520 We've been there

00:26:23.280 We'll go there

00:26:23.980 You know what we'll do dude

00:26:24.960 We will go there

00:26:26.080 And we gotta go there

00:26:26.920 And do some shows

00:26:27.660 It was so

00:26:28.160 Like

00:26:28.560 It was so nice

00:26:29.580 I filed it away

00:26:30.360 I'm like

00:26:30.640 I should vacation here

00:26:31.680 One time

00:26:31.940 That's exactly what I thought

00:26:32.820 This would be a cool

00:26:33.280 Vacation spot

00:26:33.980 And I wish we, honestly, kind of wish we weren't even talking about it because I don't want other people to know how great it is.

00:26:38.380 But every yard there, everything, it was just kind of perfect.

00:26:41.440 Picturesque.

00:26:41.800 Yes.

00:26:42.040 Yeah, yeah.

00:26:42.840 And then I forgot what city this was in, but after the shows, you do meet and greet sometimes.

00:26:47.220 You know, you're really good about that.

00:26:48.660 And so you're meeting your fans and then talking to them and all that.

00:26:51.840 And then there's this girl in a wheelchair, very sweet.

00:26:54.920 You're talking to her.

00:26:56.180 And then you have this rapport with her.

00:26:58.960 And then you go, you know, if you don't mind me asking, like, may I ask what happened?

00:27:02.840 and then yeah how'd you get all wheeled out that's my big question because we don't know

00:27:07.240 right we gotta know and then she's like oh yeah yeah i uh you know it's a car accident my car

00:27:12.320 spun around and i got flung out of the car and then and then you go now now what kind of car was

00:27:20.460 it you know i just like like no other person on earth would drill down on what type of car it was

00:27:27.960 and then she's like oh i think i think it was like a oldsmobile or something and then you're

00:27:33.020 like now is that a nice vehicle i don't really oh shit i'd like to try to add context just so i know 0.60

00:27:39.560 i know it's like so you though you know my imagination work if i don't know yeah you 0.66

00:27:44.340 wanted to paint the story you know yeah and different cars i could see your body leaving

00:27:48.840 out of it a different way like that's a good point if it's like a heavy older model car you

00:27:53.120 kind of probably slip out the window side window it was one of these new cars these little bouncing 1.00

00:27:57.660 baby buggies or whatever he'd fucking fly right out of the front of that bitch yeah just on a 0.97

00:28:01.640 left turn even yeah yeah just like oh yeah just a windy day in clear lake a recall are you aware 0.99

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00:29:29.740 cancer uh our warmest thoughts and wishes are always with you in your battle i need to tell

00:29:37.220 you that if your business communications are basically a burner phone and a prayer, you know,

00:29:43.580 I'm talking about missed calls, texts that nobody answered, customers following up for the third and

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00:30:35.860 try quo for free plus get 20 off your first six months when you go to q u o dot com slash theo

00:30:44.200 that's q u o dot com slash theo let's hog in quo bro that sandwich shop we went to that was great

00:30:54.100 too yeah and one thing i noticed too about touring with you because i mean we've been friends and i

00:30:58.220 see you at the clubs all the time but then hanging out with you outside of the clubs is a different

00:31:02.280 thing because everyone is kind of famous at the club because those are comedy nerds and everyone

00:31:06.880 knows someone yeah but then you're like famous famous and i just hadn't experienced that firsthand

00:31:12.440 because i would see you at the store or i see at the improv you know so we were it would happen

00:31:17.760 everywhere like that sandwich shop and then i remember dq especially we're at the dairy queen

00:31:22.040 place i wanted to get like a blizzard oh yeah and then you're like i'll come because we saw

00:31:26.020 Mount Rushmore or whatever. Oh, yeah.

00:31:27.760 We went to freaking Mount Rushmore. It's

00:31:29.840 tinier than you think it'd be. Dude, we did

00:31:31.800 like a whole family worth of vacationing

00:31:33.800 in one week. We were basically in an RV.

00:31:36.380 It's like we were doing a family vacation and

00:31:37.800 happened to do these shows. Dude, you guys went

00:31:39.800 in a helicopter, didn't you? I didn't because I'm

00:31:41.800 afraid of that. Oh, yeah. You didn't.

00:31:43.880 I didn't because I didn't pay.

00:31:45.560 I got a deal out of those people, so I was like,

00:31:47.740 they're definitely.

00:31:49.580 But Bizzle went, Lee went.

00:31:51.560 I'm trying to think who else. Yeah, Lee Kimbrell and

00:31:53.420 yeah there we are dude i always i mean it was cool it was definitely cool and impressive but

00:31:58.900 i thought it would be bigger there's a lot of like kind of there's like you park you walk up

00:32:03.380 they do a good job of making it so you can't see it till you get there yeah yeah there is kind of

00:32:08.700 the big reveal they have all the flags along the side of different countries which i don't even know

00:32:13.380 why they have that and then the craziest part about mount rushmore is there's another side to

00:32:20.500 it where they were they're making the face of a native american right oh that's right i think

00:32:26.060 originally it was public and then it got um kind of privatized and there was a man who was trying

00:32:32.520 to do it with his sons just with the hammer by himself and an exacto knife and a sonic hair

00:32:40.480 do you think that's how they sold it to them like all right we're gonna do the present and

00:32:47.700 then we'll get to the like oh we ran out of dynamite yeah they just bait and switched them

00:32:52.040 you're like you mean the stuff you you used to blow up all of our villages and lives in history

00:32:56.380 you didn't have just a little left over blew it all ironically yeah um dude this is so great while

00:33:03.100 while they're while they're uh checking it out thank you guys for checking um it's fun to see

00:33:08.300 this pitch because i just sounds that you just forget like i like you just go through so many

00:33:12.460 places sometimes and it's almost like it bums you out in a way because you i think it bums

00:33:17.460 anybody out when you're traveling or anything you're doing it's like you can only hold on to

00:33:21.100 it so much right and then life gets going and life's so busy now for everybody the way we

00:33:25.820 interact and the way there's like always entertainment always something to keep us

00:33:29.280 like there's always like a a seal with a ball on its nose hypothetically you know and it's

00:33:34.680 we forget sometimes just like the moments that we've had i'm trying to be better about taking

00:33:38.640 pictures we have a phone in our pocket all times and i forget to you know i'll be at the store

00:33:43.900 there'll be some great moments or i'll be on tour with you and i gotta capture these moments or you

00:33:49.420 you kind of forget about them it's nice to go through your phone go through your instagram

00:33:52.300 be like oh that was a fun time oh yeah going through the best yeah i think this is it right

00:33:57.820 yeah the crazy horse memorial is a mountain monument under construction on privately held

00:34:01.740 land in the black hills in custer county south dakota so that's a different mountain or whatever

00:34:06.780 right it's not on the same right there um henry standing bear um a lakota chief and well-known

00:34:13.820 statesman and elder in the Native American community

00:34:15.600 recruited and commissioned Polish-American sculptor

00:34:17.560 Korkzak Zalkowski to build

00:34:19.620 the Crazy Horse Memorial.

00:34:22.160 In 1939, November 7th,

00:34:23.720 Henry Standing Bear wrote to the Polish-American sculptor

00:34:25.680 who worked on Mount Rushmore

00:34:27.340 under Gutzon Borglum.

00:34:29.680 He informed the sculptor,

00:34:30.940 my fellow chiefs and I would like the white man to know

00:34:33.480 that the red man has great heroes too.

00:34:35.680 Wow. So that's putting

00:34:37.380 like that tweet out there. That's like tweeting

00:34:39.260 back then. Sending a letter just

00:34:41.280 talking shit. Just being the Draymond 1.00

00:34:43.300 green of like the lakota nation um in june 3rd 1948 uh zielkowski detonated the first blast on

00:34:51.680 the mountain and the memorial was dedicated to the native american people work continues slowly

00:34:55.480 over the next few decades since zielkowski refused to accept government grants ah so he probably

00:35:01.260 didn't want to accept them i'm assuming because it was like this is the government trying to put

00:35:05.040 money into pay like just to make it look a little bit better for what they did instead as he stated

00:35:08.960 on a 1961 guest appearance on a tv show to tell the truth he raised money for the project by

00:35:14.160 charging 75 cents admission to the monument work area the world celebrated 75th anniversary in

00:35:20.540 2023 crazy horse's left hand was finished by 2024 um i wonder when it'll be done i don't know well

00:35:28.760 note here that uh the land is run by the u.s forest service and they were just defunded so 0.69

00:35:33.060 it's probably gonna i think that affects how long it takes shit well i've got the hand though

00:35:38.980 it's kind of nice yeah i mean it's like at this point i would pivot yeah to what

00:35:46.840 i hate to say that but but you have the hand yeah right do they have an updated what it looks like

00:35:54.560 here we go it looks like bill maher a little maybe that's the pivot yeah that's it

00:36:03.360 Yeah.

00:36:03.920 Just real-time shoots there?

00:36:05.700 Yeah.

00:36:05.900 Okay.

00:36:09.100 Oh, that's wild, dude.

00:36:12.240 What if there's a huge mistake?

00:36:13.280 They go, oh, we thought you wanted Bill Maher.

00:36:15.340 Yeah. 1.00

00:36:15.580 They go, no, it was this Native American. 0.99

00:36:18.480 Oh.

00:36:19.520 Well, I opened up this attachment.

00:36:20.900 I thought it was Bill Maher.

00:36:22.380 I must have had my tabs messed up.

00:36:24.520 Yeah, I must have.

00:36:25.160 Oh, I must have had a different window open on my browser.

00:36:27.960 Well, what do we do now?

00:36:29.020 Well, I mean, we've blasted a lot of the mountain.

00:36:32.900 Whose hand is it?

00:36:33.800 I think it's Bill Maher's.

00:36:36.360 It might be the other.

00:36:37.480 I don't know. 0.99

00:36:38.240 Yeah, maybe you go like Bill Maher with a Native American hand. 1.00

00:36:41.580 That's a good compromise. 0.95

00:36:43.400 Because you got to do something.

00:36:44.660 Or you just open up a ring shop and chisel out the inside of the hand.

00:36:48.080 I don't know what you're doing.

00:36:49.500 That'd be kind of cool.

00:36:50.380 Like all they do is rings.

00:36:51.720 Yeah.

00:36:52.040 And it's inside of a hand.

00:36:53.340 Yeah.

00:36:55.060 I've thought about that before, dude.

00:36:57.440 Somebody had a great name for a ring shop, dude.

00:36:59.680 And every day I think about what it was and I can't remember what it was.

00:37:02.140 he'll come back to you yeah yeah thank you dude of course um but yeah the crazy horse memorial

00:37:08.000 started in 1948 still not finished oh there's a good video about it right there huh he's ripped

00:37:12.580 look at that the horse and him are ripped that's pretty wild it's kind of centaur-ish a little

00:37:17.160 though the art yeah dude sometimes when you look at stuff that's like going on in the world today

00:37:22.980 like it's kind of crazy like you kind of look at things like you're like oh where there's like

00:37:26.720 people being abused taking advantage of here right like there's a genocide here there's this

00:37:31.320 this like uh senseless like propaganda ridden bombing and attacking over here right but then

00:37:38.520 you look at also like that people like with that that that that happened in native americans too

00:37:44.140 it's just like it's kind of like um a tale as old as time which is so sad i know you think like

00:37:51.180 yeah who opens for spade right now matt matt kershon no i love that guy though oh patrick

00:37:57.220 king and he has this joke it's like he goes well at one time there was like um joseph mary cain

00:38:03.460 and abel you know and then cain killed abel did cain kill abel perplexity load of

00:38:09.500 perplexity who killed it's like a it's like the religious clue the board game that one always has

00:38:17.420 it um but he goes at one point in history 25 of the population were murderers which is just it's

00:38:24.860 For me, that was always, like, one of the best jokes, dude.

00:38:27.060 He's like, there were four people, and they couldn't figure it out, and one of them killed one of the other ones.

00:38:32.720 It's a hyper sad.

00:38:34.340 Just heartbreaking.

00:38:35.340 Yeah.

00:38:35.880 But it's just crazy.

00:38:36.720 It's like, sometimes you want to get, like, that's one part where I, like, I'll get agitated about things.

00:38:41.160 But then I'm like, but, you know, I don't know.

00:38:46.140 Life, a lot of life is suffering.

00:38:47.840 Do you think that's true?

00:38:49.100 Yeah, yeah.

00:38:50.340 I'm trying to make the best of what's in front of you and do what you can do.

00:38:53.280 And, but it's almost, I mean, I realized this later in life that a lot of life is like Sim

00:38:58.000 City.

00:38:58.500 It'll never be perfect, but you can get it as close to optimal as you can, but nothing

00:39:03.380 will be perfect.

00:39:04.300 You do something, then drug abuse goes up, you know, then you do this other thing, then

00:39:08.620 the wait for the bathroom and the rollercoaster line goes up, you know, just life is Sim

00:39:14.160 City and there's not a perfect system, but like we're all striving to get there.

00:39:19.120 And that's kind of hard to come to terms with when you're young.

00:39:21.700 You just think everything should be candy pop rate or, you know, you know, gumdrops and lollipops.

00:39:27.620 But it's so hard to maximize utility for everyone because some something's got to give eventually.

00:39:34.320 But we can do our best, you know, and it's nice that we have that drive to do so as humans.

00:39:39.280 Yeah, maybe we'll enter a new phase, too, where we realize like, oh, all this capitalism, all that bull.

00:39:44.120 It's like it's not nobody's winning with it.

00:39:46.920 You know, all this like conquering. 0.99

00:39:48.380 You would think that, like, I kind of thought we were over, like, some of the colonialism shit. 0.98

00:39:51.920 Well, even just, like, untethered capitalism, we're seeing the cracks in it right now. 0.96

00:39:57.580 Yeah.

00:39:58.220 We're, like, late-stage capitalism right now, which is interesting.

00:40:01.520 Like, it's just kind of funny.

00:40:02.680 Like, oh, Mr. Beast has a chocolate.

00:40:03.980 The Rock has a tequila, you know.

00:40:07.200 Beyonce has a toothpaste.

00:40:09.480 You have to be, now all our products are just faces.

00:40:13.040 It's interesting.

00:40:13.780 Uh-oh, uh-oh, uh-oh, cavities.

00:40:15.340 yeah like somebody the other day offered to come

00:40:17.760 was like going door to door like we'll come and spray your bugs

00:40:20.120 you have any bugs and you're like I don't know

00:40:22.100 you're like oh bugs always attack

00:40:23.980 people who don't know if they have them and I'm like they're just

00:40:25.840 using like they use like reverse

00:40:27.640 psychology and stuff and they're like oh be

00:40:29.780 quiet be quiet and they're like oh do you hear that

00:40:31.720 that's and they'll make up like a bug or

00:40:33.720 something you know like that's like a

00:40:35.740 wasp or whatever you know or some bug

00:40:37.820 it's like and I'll bleep that out sorry

00:40:39.540 but yeah you're like that's like a

00:40:41.460 you know they make something up 0.99

00:40:43.900 Like, oh, that's a fucking wasp from Tijuana or something, you know? 0.99

00:40:47.540 Are those worse than regular wasps? 1.00

00:40:49.240 Yeah.

00:40:49.680 Yes.

00:40:50.160 Yeah, they are.

00:40:50.960 They're south of the border.

00:40:53.100 They're smarter.

00:40:54.200 Yeah.

00:40:54.640 Oh, yeah.

00:40:55.420 They're lost from home.

00:40:56.400 They're angry.

00:40:57.260 If they made it all the way up here, they're angry.

00:40:59.580 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:41:00.280 They want to go.

00:41:01.080 They're lost.

00:41:01.980 And the guy's like, we have to come and just spray tequila in your yard.

00:41:05.380 And you're like, what?

00:41:07.240 It's got to be top shelf.

00:41:08.280 They know.

00:41:08.820 They know the difference.

00:41:10.140 Yeah. 1.00

00:41:10.680 Oh, they know if they're getting the bunk shit. 0.99

00:41:12.380 but yeah they're just like anyway 0.99

00:41:14.520 so that and then that dude had merch

00:41:17.040 he's like you want to get some of my merch

00:41:18.120 the exterminator had merch

00:41:19.820 and that's when I was like oh my god

00:41:23.260 we've hit this crazy

00:41:24.580 place where it's like you know

00:41:27.020 you could have like somebody's bleeding

00:41:29.120 to death an EMT shows up

00:41:31.320 and neither one of them will help

00:41:32.840 like and the EMT won't

00:41:35.300 help until you buy his merch

00:41:36.620 or as he's setting up doing CPR he sets up a little

00:41:39.240 merch thing by it

00:41:40.160 or like a wristband like Coachella

00:41:41.800 like what tier coverage do you want yeah all right then the paddles are in this tent yeah like how

00:41:47.320 do you want to yeah yeah do you want the full paddles you just want to breathe in your and

00:41:50.280 you just want the hand you want the hopeful hand right breathe breathe is extra yeah we don't we

00:41:54.640 don't you know do you want one paddle or two we give you like half a zap yeah but if you want the

00:41:58.800 full zap it'll cost you and what's the voltage it's a tiered program yeah this is tiered man

00:42:04.200 we'll give you a trial zap that's just a taste just give your heart a taste yeah like oh it like

00:42:09.880 that i would upgrade seems like your heart wants that hey the heart wants what the heart wants you

00:42:16.960 know and that's what his merch said on it i'm like that's it's just like man it's just gotten

00:42:22.160 to be a crazy world dude um dude you're so funny man you're one of the funniest guys well the fact

00:42:28.680 ever existed dude i mean i don't know about that but you dude you are you're the guy that everybody

00:42:34.160 goes to see that's kind of weird i wonder if that feels does that feel like pressure because that's

00:42:38.360 a real thing. People will be like, maybe at the

00:42:40.280 comedy store or whatever. I'm kind of like

00:42:42.160 niche. But still, people will be like, Ophaheem's on, right?

00:42:44.020 And you'll go watch, because the rest of us are kind of 0.98

00:42:46.320 like slithering, hopeful fucking 0.99

00:42:48.220 like humor grifters, I think. 1.00

00:42:50.380 No. But you're like, you always bring

00:42:52.380 something new to the table every time.

00:42:54.240 I guess I just, I like new bits.

00:42:56.380 Maybe that's a detriment. I remember when I was a young

00:42:58.340 comic, I just, I loved new material

00:43:00.380 more than crushing.

00:43:02.460 So there were certain shows where maybe

00:43:04.220 I should have been trying to impress agents

00:43:06.200 or managers or execs, but

00:43:08.280 i had a new joke that i won i was just i'm always itching to like throw out a new idea and when

00:43:14.620 you're young you don't really know how to navigate that as well so but i've just always been wired

00:43:18.760 that way i just love new material so it's kind of nice that now it's caught up with me and it's

00:43:23.100 it's an asset now where i know how to write a little faster but yeah i've just always been that

00:43:28.280 way i just like new ideas do you think like a lot of your ideas because you all like i'll say

00:43:31.860 something to you like man i'm not feeling well and you're like what do you make it sound like

00:43:36.580 what if you were like I have some superpower like I go into some fugue state when you mentioned

00:43:41.400 something and I go and the papers start turning what if I'm perplexity I should I should mention

00:43:47.680 the guys I've I've been perplexity the whole time dude you're like yeah I'm not feeling like dude

00:43:51.940 what if you weren't feeling well but like um there was like a bunch of bad guys chasing you

00:43:57.100 but you have to not feel well and still get away from them you know that's kind of that's kind of

00:44:01.180 horrible example. No, but you capture the energy and I guess I'm kind of reserved generally if I

00:44:07.400 don't know you, but like when something tickles me or I feel like I have a good idea or like we

00:44:12.380 have a rapport, I've known you forever and we're just having fun and there's, I just love a good

00:44:17.140 idea. So I get excited and then I'm like doing it and I don't even know that I'm doing it.

00:44:21.760 You know what I mean? Like, you know, that's what it seems like. It seems like this thing,

00:44:24.580 it's almost like when you pour a beer and it's somebody like pours it too fast and it's just

00:44:27.640 going to come out of the glass no matter what, right? That's how it seems like with you whenever

00:44:30.980 there's like some like it's like it's almost like watching like an animal get excited kind of it's

00:44:35.920 like this what about what about this yeah yeah and then it's like you try to slot it in and you

00:44:39.500 always slot it in like the best places and then you're and you're not afraid to do act outs on

00:44:44.260 stage either like you are not like i mean i know for a while you were doing um lance can't stop oh 0.99

00:44:50.780 yeah can't stop us yeah dance like the dancing shit was fucking crazy bro the the the rat tail 0.97

00:44:59.360 all that shit was great dude i had this weave i did the mothership maybe like two years ago but 0.99

00:45:04.800 i don't do it as much anymore what's funny is i booked this i did a video game adam ray's doing 0.90

00:45:10.320 it now though not not lance he's doing a different thing oh i'm joking i thought would it be great if

00:45:15.140 now he's doing lance can't stop he's doing dr phil as lance look hey what's your name are you are

00:45:20.920 you two dating check out these dance moves dude that's so great but yeah bro just your your ability

00:45:27.480 to like not be like

00:45:29.100 I've always been physically fearful right

00:45:31.640 oh really yeah like I don't mind like kind of

00:45:33.580 like you move you move around

00:45:35.280 you know like taking like

00:45:37.480 ownership of the space

00:45:39.260 but to act out like something physically

00:45:41.680 that like scares me bro

00:45:43.320 I guess when I was a kid

00:45:45.140 I like dancing was my first thing

00:45:47.480 so when I would do talent shows

00:45:49.240 but what do you mean dancing like who was

00:45:50.900 I just love dancing who was funding it you mean Hezbollah

00:45:53.400 or whatever like what even their dance wing

00:45:55.340 no it was just

00:45:57.060 I mean I grew up at Michael Jackson

00:45:58.860 I'm the generation that just like

00:46:00.280 he was king

00:46:01.820 and he was at his peak

00:46:03.340 like the dancing and the singing

00:46:04.620 and all the music videos

00:46:05.680 so I would try to mimic it

00:46:07.500 and that was my first kind of

00:46:09.840 like entry into

00:46:11.060 this is so old

00:46:12.320 this is when I was working at Boeing

00:46:14.120 and at Long Beach

00:46:15.220 look at those pants

00:46:15.980 it's so old those are in again 1.00

00:46:17.860 you look a little like Ari Maness 0.99

00:46:20.360 bro you fucking vibes are up homie 1.00

00:46:23.180 I mean this dancing is not that great 1.00

00:46:25.100 I wouldn't have this as

00:46:26.700 we're keeping the wasps they want to stay and party 1.00

00:46:29.060 homie your shit is popping 0.99

00:46:30.360 I downloaded Sony Vegas and I'm just like putting all these 1.00

00:46:32.820 filters on it because it's free

00:46:34.160 I think it's like industrial light and magic like

00:46:36.740 check this out George Lucas

00:46:38.040 all the filters just like some hunter

00:46:41.020 like looking through a scope really

00:46:42.560 that's the crazy part

00:46:44.380 now he has glaucoma the hunter

00:46:45.880 now he's envious

00:46:48.580 this song is a bop though

00:46:50.100 if you watch it on real YouTube

00:46:51.560 that song's a bop

00:46:52.920 when was it how many years ago

00:46:54.040 I don't know so many years ago

00:46:55.800 18 bro that's crazy dude

00:46:58.580 That's wild

00:46:59.740 And then I would go to a cubicle and do engineering

00:47:02.700 Thank god they didn't see my

00:47:04.520 YouTube channel

00:47:05.300 How embarrassing would that be

00:47:07.360 So you were actually in organized dance

00:47:09.120 No that sounds so funny

00:47:11.640 I would just do it by myself

00:47:13.900 I would goon I would dance goon

00:47:15.840 I would do it alone

00:47:17.560 I would just like close the door turn on Michael Jackson

00:47:20.500 Or any dance music and I would

00:47:22.100 Just dance in my room I would dance in front of a mirror

00:47:24.480 and there was a currency to that when i was a kid like to be the best dancer at school

00:47:29.360 you'd have school dances and then everyone knew who the good dances were and then you'd kind of

00:47:33.700 like battle and there was social currency to dancing i'm sure there still is that's a good

00:47:38.960 point but there was a lot of clout to that it was like oh yeah the dancer it's like being the

00:47:43.240 fastest kid at school remember how that was such a thing like the hottest girl would be with the 0.98

00:47:47.540 fastest kid in school oh shit yeah like oh shit damien fast right and then he loses one race and 0.96

00:47:52.620 he's like yeah it's not working out yeah or damien gets diabetes or whatever and he can't run as much 0.99

00:47:57.380 that's gonna affect his his 50 time right yeah the sugar got him coming up short so i was just

00:48:02.180 into dance so i guess that's my foundation so i'm comfortable moving my body yeah and then when i

00:48:07.440 got into stand-up when i was like 18 and when i'm on stage like if i have the idea i just i just do

00:48:12.800 it i don't even think about it i don't have a fear of moving wow that's crazy and also it's an

00:48:16.960 extension of the idea if i have a bit and i'm in it i don't even know that i'm doing it honestly

00:48:21.520 right it's second nature dude that's pretty great because it kind of gives you two instruments it

00:48:26.360 gives you the verbal instrument and then it gives you this whole other instrument i do notice if i

00:48:30.180 do yoga a good bit um and the more that i do it the more my body shows up in certain bits and it's

00:48:36.480 like sometimes your brain will be like oh you can do this because you've been flexible you've been 0.98

00:48:40.880 keeping active like your shit's like you're keeping your like your blood up your vibes up 0.98

00:48:44.500 do this you know i'm saying and you're like oh that fits and it like it is interesting when uh 0.99

00:48:50.440 you can, your ideas can use your whole instrument for sure.

00:48:54.560 And then you realize how much of comedy is nonverbal.

00:48:57.060 Even it's really cool to have a great joke and people are laughing and then you

00:49:02.000 can get another laugh on a movement.

00:49:03.500 You haven't even opened your mouth.

00:49:04.720 It's just the look or a walk.

00:49:07.260 That's kind of exciting.

00:49:08.240 Then it feels like, Oh, I have new colors to, to paint with, with comedy.

00:49:12.120 You know?

00:49:12.920 Yeah, dude, that's, I mean, that's, I don't know it as well.

00:49:15.540 I know what you're talking about.

00:49:16.680 And there's moments like there's some moments in my comedy where I'll,

00:49:19.660 I feel that way I've seen it um I'm trying to think this older bit you used to do the the

00:49:24.640 meeting Brad Pitt oh yeah you would do it with that I mean you still do you still do it there

00:49:29.240 are still act out the thing but I'll be like I don't get into like I don't know you get into

00:49:33.560 this space where it's like yeah you're just this kind of thing that's kind of happening um I would

00:49:39.540 love that as an intro like this next guy is he's a he's kind of a thing that's happening

00:49:44.780 not like in the trades

00:49:46.780 right now

00:49:48.860 energetically

00:49:50.240 ladies and gentlemen

00:49:51.420 I just come out

00:49:54.460 oh it definitely dude

00:49:56.480 for one of your specials you have to do somebody comes out

00:49:58.580 rubs a lamp three times

00:50:00.040 and then I come out

00:50:00.820 the special is called career suicide

00:50:03.560 or

00:50:05.380 you're just like the janitor that comes at night and cleans up

00:50:08.500 around the lamp but then you start to create

00:50:10.600 this energy and this dream

00:50:11.620 that would be more like you

00:50:13.240 bro we have two movie ideas this pod we got the goonies idea and then we got this

00:50:17.040 yeah dude there it is gooners dude

00:50:20.540 that's so great that's awesome yeah dude um yeah man do you feel like uh because you've had i mean

00:50:34.600 like yeah i think if people picked out like some of their favorite comedians especially at the

00:50:40.440 comedy store because that's really kind of your home base would you say yeah yeah because i'm an

00:50:43.220 la comic and that's sort of like the place to be there's three showrooms i like working out there

00:50:47.960 too yeah yeah oh it really is there's no better if you can go to one spot in a night yeah and

00:50:52.100 especially once you're allowed to park in the back oh it's the best oh that changes everything

00:50:55.220 parking it's like i got in the stand-up just for the parking on sunset strip yeah um how you always

00:51:02.100 hear like people say comedy in la has changed la is like the the scene is dead the scene is

00:51:06.760 different right maybe not dead i think you just hear different yeah um how have you seen it change

00:51:12.200 like probably since covid into now and like what do you think of like just where things are

00:51:17.580 uh i mean we were in the heyday of the comedy storm we didn't even know it before

00:51:22.900 covid happened you know like rogan was there um yeah it was just juggernaut after juggernaut

00:51:30.300 these lineups were insane tom segura yeah i mean even on a tuesday cummings eliza schlesinger

00:51:34.960 I mean and that was it that was just like kind of people that were just there you and then you have 0.77

00:51:39.960 but I was I was Smith I was like middle of the path like these guys are fucking like Titans I

00:51:44.680 was just kind of it was kind of cool just to share that space I'm still an unknown but

00:51:48.360 comedically and artistically it's cool to be in the mix like Louis drops in or Burr and then I

00:51:54.620 go up after him that's the thrill of the store that like at the end of the day it still is it's

00:52:00.620 like being good at something like a really good saxophone player it's like jazz you'll see somebody

00:52:05.820 who's just like huge and then you get to take the stage and you're there for a reason and you have

00:52:12.260 to like survive you have to learn how to survive when you're younger but then you get to hold your

00:52:15.660 own and that's cool because like audience members get to be hip to you they're like i came for burr

00:52:21.920 but then i discover these other comics that guy and that happens now at the store too there's like

00:52:25.600 young guys who are super funny yeah and then they come because like they come to see you and then

00:52:30.000 and they get to see everybody else on the lineup.

00:52:32.240 So we were in the heyday back then, COVID happened,

00:52:35.620 people go to Austin, some people go to New York,

00:52:37.460 some people just go to Vegas or Nashville even, you know?

00:52:40.820 So it's not as big as it used to be,

00:52:42.980 it's pared down a bit, but it's still an amazing club

00:52:45.740 and the shows are still really good.

00:52:47.600 For sure.

00:52:48.440 It's just that was insanity

00:52:49.580 and we didn't even know it at the time.

00:52:50.800 Right, we didn't know it.

00:52:51.680 Do you think, what things do you feel like,

00:52:53.000 because you always hear like people denouncing it kind of,

00:52:55.300 not denouncing, that's not a term, but you hear like-

00:52:57.800 Like it's over, LA's over.

00:52:59.240 Right. Is that okay to say that we hear that?

00:53:01.260 We do hear it.

00:53:02.460 But it's also every time something's over, whatever that is, there's always something new that's starting too.

00:53:07.580 So what do you see that's kind of the new things?

00:53:09.620 Because I'm sure for a lot of guys that couldn't get stage time, it was probably a hectic time for them.

00:53:17.260 Guys and girls that couldn't get stage time. 1.00

00:53:18.980 Like, fuck, you know? 0.99

00:53:19.620 It's like, yeah, you have all these guys who are able to sell tickets and they get all the top eight spots or whatever. 1.00

00:53:26.060 And I'm sure that was kind of like a clog in the system.

00:53:29.240 I don't know if that's the right term.

00:53:30.520 But I think there's a life cycle for everything.

00:53:32.700 It's nature.

00:53:33.100 Right, that's what I mean.

00:53:33.780 These guys, I even saw it with you

00:53:35.540 and some of my other peers

00:53:36.800 were kind of middling comics or whatever.

00:53:39.800 And then you see everybody get really big

00:53:41.960 and then they're on the road.

00:53:43.220 And that's awesome because they're getting popular.

00:53:46.020 They're making money on the road.

00:53:47.080 They're becoming more famous.

00:53:48.540 And then that just naturally clears up stage time

00:53:51.040 for this top tier at the comedy store.

00:53:53.840 Because you're on the road,

00:53:54.780 so-and-so's on the road, like Segura, whatever.

00:53:56.600 so now now these guys get to get those reps in yeah and then they get really good and then they

00:54:02.520 blast off so there's this natural order of things so when everybody went to like austin and all that

00:54:08.240 it just kind of cleared space for the next tier and now they're getting really good and stuff

00:54:12.460 and then hopefully they will flourish yeah i'm sure yeah yeah it's just like yeah i think there's

00:54:19.240 always something new that's starting so i guess yeah that's what i was kind of wondering since i

00:54:22.200 i said because i moved away i was wondering like yeah what what kind of like do you feel like

00:54:26.260 there's like a new thing

00:54:27.260 that's happened there

00:54:27.940 over the past few years.

00:54:29.020 Just new shots

00:54:29.800 for like younger guys

00:54:30.760 and also LA

00:54:32.020 will always be LA.

00:54:33.600 New York will always

00:54:34.400 be New York.

00:54:35.560 It'll ebb and flow

00:54:36.480 from like how popping it is

00:54:37.660 but like you know 1.00

00:54:39.360 Dua Lipa's in the crowd 0.63

00:54:40.740 or Sabrina Carpenter's

00:54:43.080 in the you know

00:54:43.580 like these things happen

00:54:44.940 it's still LA.

00:54:46.080 Yeah.

00:54:46.240 Same thing with New York

00:54:46.980 so you like can't take

00:54:48.020 that away from it

00:54:48.800 and yeah everything's cyclical

00:54:51.700 but then I also

00:54:52.740 the recent development

00:54:53.680 I think is just

00:54:54.520 as cool as that is

00:54:56.040 Because digital is the most important place to be.

00:54:59.200 Before you had to be in New York and L.A.

00:55:01.080 Now you just got to be on phones.

00:55:03.140 So it's kind of cool how it's democratized comedy.

00:55:06.640 Now you can be a funny kid in Clear Lake, Iowa or anywhere and just talking to camera.

00:55:11.680 And you have just as much of a shot as like me at the comedy store or some other person at the mothership.

00:55:18.960 So it's really even the playing field, which is kind of cool.

00:55:22.660 The most important place is digital.

00:55:25.540 But if you're talking about just stand up the craft,

00:55:27.780 I think LA, New York, Austin are still great.

00:55:30.420 Yeah. 1.00

00:55:31.500 You know what's a pain in the ass? 1.00

00:55:34.020 A website. 0.97

00:55:35.740 Not just getting one built, but keeping it updated,

00:55:38.460 fixing the issues, the debugging, chasing somebody down

00:55:42.200 every time something breaks.

00:55:44.240 That gets old fast.

00:55:46.240 That's why I use Modify. 0.99

00:55:48.920 M-O-D-I-P-H-Y.

00:55:51.600 Yep.

00:55:51.980 A fellow that I grew up with actually started this company.

00:55:54.700 I'm grateful that I get to work with him still today. At Modify, you get a real team,

00:56:01.920 a dedicated designer, fast response times, and they handle everything so you don't have to.

00:56:08.120 They can even get your business showing up when people ask AI for recommendations.

00:56:13.800 They've got that ability. Go to Modify.com slash Theo and get 50% off your website build.

00:56:20.480 that's M-O-D-I-P-H-Y

00:56:23.640 dot com slash

00:56:25.080 Theo

00:56:25.440 there's no F in there cause 1.00

00:56:27.900 they don't F around

00:56:29.900 who's one of your favorite people that you've seen

00:56:32.920 just being at the comedy store

00:56:34.420 sometimes we'll get to see like celebrities or something will come in there

00:56:36.720 yeah I saw

00:56:38.060 Tarantino night you were there remember

00:56:40.120 you got to talk to him didn't you

00:56:41.980 he's in I shot that special hat trick

00:56:45.080 at the comedy store and then the person who was

00:56:47.000 shooting me had the cameras rolling so

00:56:48.780 I have it on film, me and Tarantino

00:56:51.100 talking. And then I was going to

00:56:52.920 clear it with him, but I go, I don't want him to say

00:56:54.860 no, so I'll just put it out there.

00:56:59.640 What if he was saying bad stuff like,

00:57:01.040 you know, I'm eating babies, right? I'm eating

00:57:03.000 them. I'm getting their life force. And I'm like,

00:57:04.880 this is great. Keep rolling. No, just super

00:57:06.880 nice. Super complimentary.

00:57:08.860 It might have been the night you were there, too.

00:57:11.420 I think I was there. I tried to go up

00:57:12.840 and I kept getting pushed to a different room.

00:57:15.360 So I think you brought me up in

00:57:16.880 the OR and had a good set

00:57:18.840 and it was just so surreal

00:57:20.680 Tarantino comes out and he's like

00:57:22.680 I want to talk to the cool guy

00:57:24.240 and he points to me and then

00:57:26.580 we're just talking and all these other comedians come

00:57:28.760 and he's holding court he's talking about

00:57:30.900 Pam Greer and

00:57:32.840 Jackie Brown because he's just a fan

00:57:34.520 he's a fan of comedy he's a fan of cinema

00:57:36.760 he just has this childlike

00:57:38.660 exuberance to him

00:57:40.180 so we're just talking and he's in the thing

00:57:42.560 and we ended up keeping it in but it was so surreal

00:57:44.600 that was probably one of the bigger ones Tarantino

00:57:46.760 I just remember even the wake of that night

00:57:49.240 he's here oh and Jim Carrey was there

00:57:51.000 that was a crazy night

00:57:52.000 was that when they were trying to cast for I'm dying up here

00:57:54.640 and that's how Santino got cast

00:57:56.960 and Eric Griffin he saw

00:57:58.640 them that day

00:57:59.740 it's kind of crazy somebody could just see you

00:58:02.540 and then something like that happens and they end up

00:58:04.300 there you go dude yeah

00:58:06.380 those were great if I ever have Chris Rock

00:58:09.020 I remember when Louis came in years ago

00:58:11.220 and he was like in the hallway

00:58:12.320 it was like after like the

00:58:13.740 the Academy Awards or whatever

00:58:16.300 and he had on a suit

00:58:18.200 and I was like, dang, Louie.

00:58:20.080 That's so crazy.

00:58:21.080 And it was like...

00:58:22.140 I saw Travolta one time in the parking lot.

00:58:24.720 Really, dude?

00:58:25.380 He was just hanging with Tommy Lee.

00:58:26.900 Tommy Lee, I've seen him a few times.

00:58:29.440 It's cool, but I've been accustomed to it.

00:58:32.580 So I'm jaded with Tommy Lee.

00:58:35.100 But every now and then

00:58:36.740 Tommy Lee will like a reel of mine

00:58:38.380 and it's just so surreal.

00:58:40.060 I'm like, whoa.

00:58:40.620 That's dope, dude.

00:58:41.160 What world is this?

00:58:42.100 he and I were just texting the other day he's doing real well

00:58:44.440 and it's like so we were talking about

00:58:45.800 our recovery programs 0.98

00:58:47.240 he's fucking all up what a life some people 0.98

00:58:50.000 or what a just interesting existence 0.99

00:58:51.800 but the highs and lows of it all too

00:58:54.280 yeah you know

00:58:55.960 Dre I saw Dre one time in the

00:58:58.240 parking lot you saw Dr. Dre

00:58:59.800 who's the biggest you saw

00:59:02.240 or you saw Andre

00:59:04.300 Iguodala

00:59:04.760 yeah that's what I tell people

00:59:10.420 I saw Dre 0.99

00:59:12.180 I go, holy shit. 0.99

00:59:14.400 Iguodala. 0.99

00:59:15.820 I'm the only person who calls him Dre, other than his mom, maybe.

00:59:20.480 I call him Dr. Dre, just because I think he's a doctor of basketball.

00:59:27.280 Who's the biggest person you saw at the store?

00:59:29.160 I mean, John Mayer, when I would see him, that was always interesting, because I've

00:59:33.040 always had such an esteem for his word, the way he does words.

00:59:37.940 like, you know, I saw him

00:59:40.040 walking down one time because he would go to

00:59:41.820 roast battle a lot. Yeah. And he'd be like him and Jeff Ross

00:59:44.000 are close and stuff. And so I know I'd see him

00:59:45.920 over there. Oh, I ate shit in front of 0.99

00:59:47.820 John Stamos one time. That would hurt. 1.00

00:59:50.260 Yeah. It was late at night. This is when I first

00:59:51.960 got past. So I'm getting super late spots at

00:59:53.880 the comedy store, probably going up at

00:59:55.740 1 30 a.m.

00:59:57.520 I think Jeff Ross is hanging. So he comes

00:59:59.920 with Jeff Ross sometimes. Jeff Ross and then

01:00:01.880 Stamos.

01:00:03.720 Maybe they tied one on. I think they'd been like

01:00:05.880 having a good time. Yeah, yeah.

01:00:07.940 So he's eating chicken fingers and it's his back.

01:00:11.460 So I'm not even,

01:00:12.200 I'm not even getting full Stamos.

01:00:13.800 I'm good.

01:00:14.420 I'm getting back Stamos.

01:00:15.900 Oh,

01:00:16.520 and then I would get this every now and then.

01:00:18.840 And then back to the fingers.

01:00:20.860 And like,

01:00:21.400 Oh,

01:00:21.740 Hey guys.

01:00:23.040 Oh,

01:00:23.160 you ever notice,

01:00:23.580 notice this.

01:00:29.440 Bro,

01:00:29.960 that's crazy. 1.00

01:00:32.360 Damn. 1.00

01:00:32.640 At least he checked back in. 0.99

01:00:34.000 That is nice. 0.94

01:00:35.160 Sometimes they'll sit a blind guy to save money.

01:00:36.800 they'll sit a blind guy by the side of the stage just 0.99

01:00:38.660 facing away from the stage and shit like 1.00

01:00:40.480 sometimes they do that shit I'm like point him towards 0.99

01:00:42.900 you let me believe 0.99

01:00:44.120 let me believe he's checking 1.00

01:00:46.720 me out fuck he's just sitting over here like a 1.00

01:00:48.780 broken compass over here dude 1.00

01:00:50.380 um I'm trying to think of who

01:00:52.840 else that I saw there

01:00:54.620 oh dude I remember they said the guy

01:00:56.740 remember that show uh family matters

01:00:58.960 yeah remember the cop

01:01:00.720 oh Winslow

01:01:02.680 yeah Carl Winslow Carl Winslow that's not

01:01:04.740 his real name right that's his character name

01:01:06.280 Carl Wenzel, they said that his

01:01:08.360 grandson

01:01:10.260 like his, yeah, Reginald Bale Johnson

01:01:12.200 they said his grandson

01:01:14.180 was in the audience one time and people 0.99

01:01:16.140 were like losing their shit, I'm like 0.99

01:01:17.480 and I was so nervous, I had 0.99

01:01:19.940 like not, to me that's so funny

01:01:22.040 you're not nervous over

01:01:23.920 the Family Matters cop being in the crowd

01:01:26.060 his grandson, oh his grandson

01:01:27.900 and so, but it was like the first time I was in it 0.99

01:01:29.900 dude, fucking RVJ's 0.98

01:01:31.880 grandson is in the crowd, at first 0.99

01:01:33.880 I was like, who the, yeah I couldn't figure out 0.97

01:01:36.020 rvj you know i thought it was just somebody who's dumb who was trying to talk about a politician or 0.89

01:01:40.100 whatever and then they're like no reginald val johnson dude the cop from family matters his 0.99

01:01:44.680 grandson is here and i was like fuck i'm gonna fuck it and i remember pacing backstage being so 0.99

01:01:49.580 just like i just couldn't handle that there was like somebody who like knew somebody from tv that 0.99

01:01:53.900 was in the fucking crowd and i fucking blew it you go oh no oh i bombed dude my favorite moment 0.98

01:02:01.360 that ever happened though one of anyway spade telling me that he thought something was really 0.99

01:02:06.080 funny one time was awesome um but one time damon wayans was there oh wow and senior yeah from in

01:02:14.760 living color and i grew up listening here man oh just like he has this one like it's a laugh sound

01:02:21.320 that he makes it's like only he makes it and it's not even a laugh it's just like a oh oh oh something

01:02:29.580 like that dude it sounds like a fucking a bird that's like semi-interested right like a beautiful 0.65

01:02:34.580 bird that's semi-interested but um during my set i heard him make that laugh that i had i'd heard 0.97

01:02:40.600 him use as a character from when i was a kid and bro it was just so it was crazy to me like at one

01:02:46.820 thing i said yeah he laughed at he made that sound at it and that was enough it's such validation

01:02:52.900 yeah because we grew up with these guys and they were everything to us even just being on a show

01:02:58.160 with spade or just talking to spade that was my era of snl spade sandler farley that's why i got

01:03:07.020 into stand-up comedy for real i love that show so much snl everyone could make it on social media

01:03:12.680 now everything's fractured so much but back in the day if you wanted to do anything in comedy

01:03:16.700 you had to touch snl yeah so that was everything that was tiktok that was instagram that was

01:03:22.700 anything comedy was snl that was mount rushmore and i go i want to do this i want to work in the 0.91

01:03:27.960 space how do you get on snl i fired up my modem yeah and i i unspooled it like fucking dynamite 0.52

01:03:38.220 to plug into the wall you know it was a controlled demolition to get on the internet 0.68

01:03:42.760 and you applied to boeing right you're like i'll show them well pretty much though because

01:03:48.040 i researched i go how do people get on snl and i saw that they came from one of two camps they

01:03:53.900 came from improv comedy so second city UCB groundlings you know yes and in creating these

01:04:00.120 scenes or they were stand-up comedians like kevin nealon uh sandler schneider uh spade

01:04:07.000 eddie murphy they're all stand-ups so then i researched all the improv schools like UCB and

01:04:12.120 second city i'm some kid in seattle i'm like what are these schools okay they're all in la new york

01:04:16.040 chicago i'm not there i can't do that you have to pay money to do it my parents already don't want

01:04:22.420 me to be doing comedy.

01:04:24.500 It's like clown college.

01:04:25.980 They're already against it.

01:04:26.960 I can't say I'm going to pay money 0.92

01:04:27.940 to go to clown college 0.97

01:04:28.780 and then stand up. 0.95

01:04:30.580 I go, oh, I'll do that

01:04:31.580 because I just got to show up

01:04:32.960 and I get as much as I get out of it

01:04:34.760 or I get as much as I put into it

01:04:36.400 and I can count on me.

01:04:37.440 I don't need improv partners.

01:04:38.580 I can just, yeah,

01:04:39.740 yeah, you get everything as a standup.

01:04:41.960 Whatever you put in, you get out

01:04:43.160 if you have the aptitude for it.

01:04:44.920 So that's why I got into standup

01:04:46.160 because I wanted to get on SNL.

01:04:47.940 So it's so crazy to be at the store

01:04:49.400 and then just talking to Spade.

01:04:51.360 I know.

01:04:51.820 I remember being a little kid, sitting cross-legged, watching the TV, and thinking, Spade lived in a box.

01:04:58.620 Spade lived in a magic box.

01:05:00.420 Yeah.

01:05:01.260 And now he's writing down notes before going on stage and then bringing me up in the OR, and it's not lost on me.

01:05:07.560 It's crazy, this timeline that we're on.

01:05:09.780 Yeah.

01:05:10.700 I know.

01:05:11.160 It's hard to, like, it's such a good reminder to think about, yeah, like, just also that all the humor that's come before you,

01:05:21.520 all the or whatever line of work you're in all the things that have come before you like

01:05:25.000 like whether you're a mechanic you're using like a new type of like ranch or some sort of new

01:05:30.680 piece of equipment or something like people were mechanics for years doing that and got to that

01:05:35.180 place or like some machine that makes your job easier some new way of doing it or like

01:05:39.200 i don't know yeah just you forget that like all these people have gone up over time on stage to

01:05:44.540 try and say something or whatever to try and get somebody to feel something or you or them to feel

01:05:49.460 something or you to feel something yeah i don't know if any of that makes sense now that you're

01:05:53.380 all part of this timeline you're all part of this and they happen to be a generation or so above and

01:05:59.040 then you don't know at the time when you're a kid but then you do the same thing for long enough

01:06:03.040 and then you become a part of that fabric and they were just people like you were at the beginning

01:06:06.820 but at a different phase of their uh becoming a butterfly or whatever it is and what's mind

01:06:13.340 blowing too is these guys that i just thought were titans of comedy and could do no wrong and

01:06:18.520 were blowing my mind to learn as you get older that they were afraid of being fired week to week

01:06:23.340 on SNL to hear Spade talk about that or or Norm would talk about oh yeah we thought we're gonna

01:06:29.440 get or even Sandler they thought about firing Sandler you go what yeah or Chris Farley I mean

01:06:37.000 yeah yeah just that any of them sat in that place like that they were having self-doubt like that

01:06:42.220 during what I thought was just the pinnacle and peak of comedy I thought they were crushing it

01:06:47.620 so hard and they were worried. That's mind-blowing. And then almost validating for the feelings you

01:06:53.380 have, because I have that sometimes. And I go, oh, that's just a human experience. Sometimes you

01:06:58.720 think that they're celebrities and everything's gravy because that's the packaging. That's what

01:07:03.160 you portray. That gets jobs. But then everyone is having a human experience inside of it. And

01:07:09.460 it makes you feel less alone. Like, oh, okay. Even Spade and Sandler felt what I'm feeling right now.

01:07:15.200 right even they were taking a breath like what do i do next or what's going to happen now

01:07:19.940 yeah you know am i going to get fired was that good i hope people will like it

01:07:25.140 yeah same exact three things it's like yeah those are questions i've asked myself since i've really

01:07:30.820 joined the workforce at 14 really what was your first job um my first job i saw hamsters my but

01:07:38.220 But my adult first job was working in Italian pizza.

01:07:45.400 Worked in pizza for a while.

01:07:47.220 What was the name of it?

01:07:47.980 Huh?

01:07:48.340 Do you know the name?

01:07:48.940 BJ's.

01:07:49.440 BJ's?

01:07:49.840 Yeah.

01:07:50.220 Wait, the chain?

01:07:51.320 No.

01:07:52.200 Is it different BJ's?

01:07:53.740 That's the crazy part.

01:07:56.160 We were like an outlier BJ's.

01:07:58.900 And it's supposed to serve for blackjacks, but people would get drunk in there and just 0.98

01:08:02.940 start yelling blowjobs at us kids who were working the counter, right? 0.98

01:08:06.820 And we'd make up fake orders for pizza deliveries like Danny Glover wants a pizza 0.99

01:08:10.340 because our guy who delivered was a born-again Christian.

01:08:12.440 He didn't watch television or any movies.

01:08:13.820 So he didn't know any celebrities at all.

01:08:15.800 So we'd make up like Danny Glover wants a pizza out on an old military road. 0.99

01:08:20.100 So he'd go deliver that bitch while he was gone. 1.00

01:08:22.420 Just try. 1.00

01:08:22.920 There's no way for him to fucking connect to this while he's gone. 0.97

01:08:25.240 So for 30 minutes, he's gone. 0.99

01:08:26.760 We'd be deep frying fucking beer, dude. 1.00

01:08:28.560 We would pour beer, deep fry it, fucking eat it. 1.00

01:08:30.700 We'd get hammered, dude. 0.99

01:08:32.520 And he'd come back and be like, couldn't find the address, you know?

01:08:35.260 oh well

01:08:37.460 oh well

01:08:38.080 but anyway

01:08:40.980 we're rambling

01:08:41.720 here's an old

01:08:44.180 lineup from the

01:08:44.660 comedy store

01:08:45.260 oh yeah

01:08:47.120 here's just a

01:08:47.720 great lineup

01:08:48.260 right here

01:08:48.820 thank you

01:08:50.760 there's

01:08:50.980 Fang Chow

01:08:51.620 Adam Ray

01:08:52.440 Argus Hamilton

01:08:53.780 Owen Smith

01:08:54.620 Jeff Ross

01:08:55.500 who is

01:08:57.720 maybe we should

01:08:58.960 black that out 1.00

01:08:59.520 because she 1.00

01:09:00.080 it's a super

01:09:01.260 famous person

01:09:02.000 who doesn't

01:09:02.740 use their real

01:09:03.380 name so let's 1.00

01:09:04.180 maybe black that

01:09:04.880 out when we yeah air it and if you black it out and if you if you if you do black it out

01:09:10.220 and uh want to put a name over it you could put um ali wong

01:09:17.260 who else we got rick ingram andrew santino uh you and me right there bro dude is there anything

01:09:28.040 like kind of scary or funny or like just all of it whenever like you get to bring you like

01:09:32.740 like when you're set over it's kind of like a relief moment and then you get to bring somebody

01:09:37.740 else up it's like it's like getting out of the pool and drying off and knowing you peed in it

01:09:41.640 uh-huh you know well that's a skill you have to learn because not a lot of places do tag team like

01:09:47.820 this so when you first when you get past there you have to get used to it because most shows

01:09:53.100 have an emcee and you do your time and the emcee comes up and then brings up the next person this

01:09:57.280 is all you go up bring somebody else up they bring the next person up so you have to get in that mode

01:10:02.420 of like my set's over now i've got to turn into host mode it's like agent smith like all right

01:10:08.460 this next guy you know you do you do your last joke and you go how's everybody doing fantastic

01:10:12.480 the show keeps getting better and you don't know how to do that when you're young yeah but then

01:10:16.360 you've been there so long now you finish your set you're like all right this next guy's hilarious

01:10:20.280 you're gonna love him for he-man war and then it's just very cool to go up after each other yeah

01:10:25.520 yeah dude it is magic and just get to be in a place where you see other people and stuff like

01:10:30.720 that you know where you see a lot of people and see what's going on yeah it was like a place to

01:10:34.740 be too at night it was like it was like okay i don't need to be at a nightclub i never knew any

01:10:38.960 of the nightclubs that were popping or any of that stuff yeah because i just didn't know it

01:10:42.160 was like i know that that's where i'll be and you know it's so weird i know like the nightclub scene

01:10:46.220 i never went and it's weird because i dance so people think like you must go to nightclubs all

01:10:50.620 the time like i don't it's so weird being good at dancing and then hating going to a nightclub

01:10:55.240 i have a private relationship with dance i want to i want to dance in my room i don't want to go

01:11:00.240 To some like laser place

01:11:01.960 And like dance

01:11:04.320 That's not fun for me

01:11:05.560 I like dancing by myself 1.00

01:11:07.320 Yeah while some trans male man's over there 1.00

01:11:09.540 Trying to fucking drop something in your drink 1.00

01:11:12.400 You know he's like oh I got an overnight for you 0.99

01:11:14.520 Yeah I mean that looks like fun

01:11:16.480 But I don't want to do that

01:11:17.800 Good for Jon Hamm

01:11:19.100 But that's not really my speed

01:11:21.640 Dude

01:11:22.780 So I don't forget

01:11:24.480 How great was it though Michael Jackson bro

01:11:27.940 Growing up during the Michael Jackson area

01:11:30.200 It took me a while to realize what song you were singing

01:11:37.660 I'm like this is a Theo remix

01:11:39.700 Me too because I don't remember

01:11:41.060 I remember like a little bit of all of them though

01:11:42.700 It's like

01:11:43.100 Black or white 1.00

01:11:50.000 Bro when black or white came out 0.96

01:11:51.960 That was like early AI 1.00

01:11:53.040 Black is white 0.99

01:11:54.920 Yeah yeah yeah 1.00

01:11:57.540 Bro that shit was so good dude 0.98

01:11:59.740 I remember those videos coming out, too. 1.00

01:12:01.260 It would be like a movie coming out.

01:12:03.900 The world premiere of Black or White sitting down in front of the TV.

01:12:08.740 Wasn't Macaulay Culkin?

01:12:09.820 He, like, got it going.

01:12:11.180 Like, yeah.

01:12:11.960 Yeah, bro.

01:12:13.600 Black or White.

01:12:14.340 When did it premiere?

01:12:15.000 Let's look at it.

01:12:16.440 Michael Jackson biopic Michael first reactions.

01:12:19.200 That's, oh, that's coming out on April 22nd?

01:12:21.800 Yeah, that just came out.

01:12:22.880 Oh, it just came out?

01:12:24.360 Did we do better than it at the movie theater this week?

01:12:26.760 It wasn't for this week.

01:12:27.840 It says, Busboys crushes Michael.

01:12:29.620 I've got that thing memorized, though.

01:12:30.840 Respect.

01:12:31.960 We did best for, like, for...

01:12:33.220 Dude, I saw...

01:12:34.020 Congrats, man.

01:12:35.080 I saw the weekend...

01:12:36.000 Do you think it's weird to put that out there to people?

01:12:37.400 Or is that kind of, like, put out, like, this is how much we did for the week or whatever?

01:12:41.020 I think just showing what it is and being, like, blessed, like...

01:12:46.000 I mean, it is really cool that the fans showed up like that.

01:12:48.700 Oh, we'll never make our money back.

01:12:50.200 No, I think you will on streaming and stuff.

01:12:52.220 Because that's pretty good.

01:12:53.160 I read it was pretty good for an independent, like...

01:12:56.480 Per screen, it was fourth highest of all movies last weekend.

01:12:59.780 Per screen.

01:13:00.320 Let's go, dude.

01:13:01.280 I didn't even know that.

01:13:04.040 Michael Jackson's black and white music video premiered November 14th, 1991 as a massive global event.

01:13:10.760 Directed by John Landis, the 11-minute short film aired simultaneously in 27 to 69 countries with an estimated 500 million viewers.

01:13:20.600 Bro.

01:13:21.120 Man.

01:13:21.980 People forget.

01:13:23.000 That was when.

01:13:24.560 500.

01:13:25.000 we were all like it felt like every

01:13:27.600 you could meet somebody from another language

01:13:29.720 even somebody that was in a coma and you could

01:13:31.640 at least both knew

01:13:33.540 yeah you knew Michael like you couldn't speak the language

01:13:35.620 but then you like grab your 1.00

01:13:37.740 dick and he goes oh me too 1.00

01:13:39.180 me too 0.94

01:13:40.560 me and then he would lean

01:13:42.760 you too

01:13:44.600 I love watching old Michael Jackson

01:13:47.380 tour footage

01:13:48.460 cause it's just so fun to watch

01:13:51.780 cause he was the biggest thing on earth

01:13:53.300 and you'll see, like, European 35-year-old men fainting.

01:13:57.500 Like, my God, my God.

01:14:01.840 Literally getting gurneyed out.

01:14:04.500 Did this guy, this guy went by himself?

01:14:06.180 He went with his bro, like, I would have to get a new job or something.

01:14:08.880 His brother's waiting in the car probably.

01:14:10.900 Yeah, like, yes.

01:14:12.820 Yeah, there it is right there.

01:14:13.920 Who's doing this to people today?

01:14:16.940 Nobody, maybe Bieber.

01:14:19.420 Yeah, but, I mean, not to this degree.

01:14:21.720 Not like this at all.

01:14:22.060 No one's doing that.

01:14:23.140 And look how old they are.

01:14:24.100 Bieber is, they're younger.

01:14:25.520 These are like 40-year-old, they have a family.

01:14:27.800 Yeah, this is someone.

01:14:29.820 This is someone's grandpa.

01:14:31.480 This is, yeah.

01:14:33.200 And he's just standing there.

01:14:34.640 He's just standing there and they're fainting.

01:14:36.900 Like, imagine paying all this money to go see Michael Jackson

01:14:39.820 and he's standing like a statue and you wake up in the hospital.

01:14:43.620 You spent all that money?

01:14:46.180 And they go, where's Michael?

01:14:47.700 They go, Michael left.

01:14:49.040 He's in Barcelona now.

01:14:50.160 i saw him remove his glasses and that's all i remember well he he did all his songs and he

01:14:58.400 glided i miss it yeah you miss it again every time he's like i swear i won't faint this time

01:15:05.740 yeah he promises his whole family won't faint he wears something like like a neck brace yeah

01:15:11.600 something just to keep his blood like in the like clock record yeah he tapes his eyes open he's like

01:15:16.940 Not this time

01:15:18.380 He has like three mortgages to pay for these Michael Jackson tickets

01:15:21.440 That he always faints through

01:15:22.800 Dude

01:15:24.800 God, Michael Jackson was a thing

01:15:26.560 And that was one thing at school that all the kids could do

01:15:29.240 Like

01:15:29.560 It was more about the dancing

01:15:36.020 Kids weren't trying to like out Michael sing each other

01:15:39.000 We weren't like

01:15:40.100 Yeah

01:15:41.240 It was more about the moonwalk

01:15:44.500 We didn't come to like recess

01:15:46.080 dude yeah the moonwalk 0.99

01:15:50.900 my shit was a little bit more like the Pluto 1.00

01:15:52.620 fucking shuffle boy 1.00

01:15:53.960 my shit had a limp and had a little bit of swag in it 1.00

01:15:57.760 I just heard this story 1.00

01:15:59.380 it was like a second hand story

01:16:00.560 that one time Mike Tyson and Michael Jackson

01:16:02.980 they went out together

01:16:05.420 like just all they were going out in the town

01:16:07.080 and Michael had a bunch of chicks with him

01:16:09.560 Michael Jackson had a bunch of chicks with him

01:16:10.800 and Tyson was like

01:16:12.860 hey which one of these girls is with you 0.99

01:16:14.540 just so in case I'm flirting with one or whatever

01:16:16.320 and Michael Jackson told him

01:16:18.460 they're all with me get your own 1.00

01:16:20.620 bitches that's what he told him for real 1.00

01:16:22.240 that's what I heard and I really 1.00

01:16:24.520 heard that wow I heard that

01:16:26.420 I actually heard it today I just love

01:16:28.100 hearing that story like through the filter

01:16:30.380 of his voice he was like they're 1.00

01:16:32.440 all with me get your own bitches 1.00

01:16:34.500 and it's 1.00

01:16:36.660 funny they both kind of have similar

01:16:38.200 falsetto voices oh yeah

01:16:40.000 hey Michael how many of these can I

01:16:42.200 I don't want to step on any toes 1.00

01:16:43.600 They're all my bitches 1.00

01:16:45.420 Get your own iron mic 1.00

01:16:48.000 That's uncalled for Mike

01:16:50.020 That's uncalled for Mike

01:16:51.300 Whatever Mike

01:16:53.380 This is the battle of falsetto mics 0.84

01:16:56.440 Bro you didn't even have to have 0.59

01:16:58.440 Any friends I bet when you were a kid dude 1.00

01:17:00.100 You're just fucking doing your own thing 0.99

01:17:02.500 Well I get the idea 0.99

01:17:04.240 But I mean I don't

01:17:05.300 I don't eat breakfast and I'm just like talking to myself

01:17:07.860 Like this is fun 0.99

01:17:09.820 Cause we're just like riffing and shit 0.99

01:17:11.800 But I'm not eating Cheerios 0.99

01:17:13.160 And I'm like, what if, what if I said to Cheerios I'm eating?

01:17:16.400 Do you notice, so your imagination must be pretty active.

01:17:20.100 You probably have an active imagination.

01:17:21.420 I think that's the same thing to say.

01:17:22.680 Do you notice there's things that kind of dim it kind of?

01:17:24.980 Or do you notice, have you ever noticed certain times in your life or like kind of periods

01:17:28.600 like that you've gone through or even like things you've like, or activities, something

01:17:32.360 you've engaged in every time when you're like, that, I noticed that that takes away, like

01:17:35.640 it kind of dims like my brain's ability or medication even.

01:17:38.580 I'm just asking, just curious.

01:17:39.780 because we never think about like what we do

01:17:42.460 and how it affects our imagination.

01:17:44.280 Yeah, yeah.

01:17:45.420 I mean, I'm very personality and energy based.

01:17:50.840 Like if I feel comfortable and safe,

01:17:52.180 I can have fun and be,

01:17:54.320 these ideas will come to me

01:17:55.340 and I feel comfortable sharing them.

01:17:56.680 But if I don't know someone as well,

01:17:59.960 I just find it's happened enough times

01:18:02.160 where I'm like kind of reserved

01:18:03.140 and I go in and I'm not,

01:18:05.600 I'm not so forthcoming with ideas or whatever.

01:18:08.440 I'm just kind of like in myself.

01:18:10.380 So I have to have, because I think at the end of the day, I am an introvert, even though

01:18:13.760 I do stand up.

01:18:15.360 So it's kind of weird if you're at a party and they're like, you're a stand up.

01:18:18.740 And I don't, I'm not really talking or anything.

01:18:20.400 Yeah.

01:18:20.760 But in my mind, I'm like, I don't, I don't know you, you know, it's just, I, maybe some

01:18:26.380 people have a stereotype of what a standup comedian is where they're at a party and they're

01:18:29.520 like, how much does a polar bear weigh?

01:18:31.380 Wait, enough to break the ice.

01:18:32.960 I do.

01:18:34.160 Oh, got your nose.

01:18:34.960 you know i just kind of lay in the cut because i don't know anybody yeah and i'll latch on to

01:18:41.380 whoever i know but i'm not like a social butterfly and i'll observe and all that but

01:18:44.880 i can't have real fun unless i i'm accustomed to you and i know you and we have history yeah

01:18:50.380 then my creativity can think can come out um so i've just noticed that yeah so it's kind of like

01:18:59.180 energy-based even doing rogan like rogan's so awesome he's afforded me a career like you

01:19:04.200 career for me so many of our peers owe so much to him like i'm able to tour and like you make a

01:19:10.320 living and stuff and it's awesome but i i i just i don't know him as well as i know you and that

01:19:16.720 show is so big and stuff and i feel like i can't be as me as as i can with you you know what i

01:19:22.200 mean because he's also an elder he's uh he's a few generations above me in stand-up so i feel 0.83

01:19:28.440 like i can't be as silly as maybe but then you're a silly guy too well yeah and i mean just probably 0.51

01:19:33.260 he's probably only one generation ahead of us and maybe that yeah but he likes information and 0.96

01:19:37.820 he's like wants to figure things out yeah joe's like a learner yeah you know like the rest of us

01:19:42.300 are out here the rest of us are most of the time out here kind of gooning around what about south

01:19:46.540 american wasps yeah what's your take on that but joe's like a he's generally like a curious dude

01:19:51.860 like he's like super cure and he really is and it's guy he remembers everything that's got to

01:19:57.780 be almost i wonder if that's almost hectic sometimes to retain all that information i'm

01:20:02.860 so envious of guys like like rogan who knows so much or dave smith or tim dillon they're so

01:20:07.880 well read and worldly too and i'm like it'd be funny if some guy fainted under michael jackson

01:20:13.900 it's just i feel so dumb but it's just different you know we need joe to like you need somebody

01:20:20.220 that was just going to interview everybody like i'm going to talk to every single person i'm not

01:20:23.620 going to have too much say so in it or anything you know um i always think he's done a pretty

01:20:27.560 good job of staying unbiased about stuff like and then sometimes he steps in when he feels like

01:20:31.840 you know he tries to like like we all do like say this is really how i feel about something

01:20:36.340 um i was on a show a couple weeks ago and people were giving him a hard time online

01:20:40.340 about him like not being supportive like about antidepressants or something or something

01:20:45.200 and um and people take a clip and make it like a big deal but i didn't feel that way at all like

01:20:51.200 in our conversation you know yeah so sometimes it's so weird the things that people clip i think

01:20:55.740 it's so big and it's so singular that people like adding their spin to whatever it is you can take

01:21:01.820 any clip and add text to it and then you're funneling people's viewpoint into that so much

01:21:07.760 of what we do is just the clipped version of it yeah people have so much agendas i think that's

01:21:12.600 great about the show is that it breathes for three hours and have all these different people

01:21:15.940 and then people kind of decide for themselves but the whole clipping on x is kind of that's like

01:21:21.580 a game genie is cheating yeah it feels a little cheating sometimes yeah but people were like yeah

01:21:27.140 he's not supportive and stuff and i've never felt anything in fact as i've gotten to know him better

01:21:31.240 over the years which is which is he's such a busy dude i think like imagine like i look at my phone

01:21:36.260 it's like my mom's texting me you know she's she's like also send me some emojis that aren't always

01:21:41.720 most positive and some of them i think means things that she doesn't even know they mean

01:21:45.000 so a couple of veggies she sent me i'm like this is yeah eggplants mom you should never be

01:21:50.240 don't tell me you're making eggplant just say eggplant yeah just make it dude just make it

01:21:57.760 don't even bring it up or she uses like that open mouth emoji all the time and i'm like what are the 1.00

01:22:01.860 tongue out she's like it's kind of crazy she's like it's so hot today and she'll fucking squirt 0.87

01:22:06.420 squirt it's so hot today squirt squirt so hot today i'm gonna make a couple of eggplants and 0.90

01:22:11.360 i'm like dude what are you god she's just she loves gardening so it's just like you know it's 0.92

01:22:16.460 just navigating shit like that but imagine you're joe rogan you open your phone up it's like

01:22:20.020 elon musk has probably texted you you know like the some guy like some guy whose name you can't 0.93

01:22:25.560 even read from like another country who wants to come on your podcast to like beg you know and

01:22:30.020 then your wife also wants stuff your kids are asking just like he's like a thoroughfare for

01:22:34.840 humanity sure you know he'll still text us back it's crazy like i'll text him and then even to

01:22:39.780 book his show he's like how does he does it i know he doesn't i mean not to call you out i mean you

01:22:44.460 have a producer i love you but like it's fine to get everybody else that's producers rogan is like

01:22:50.700 hey how's how's this day sound i know that's bananas yeah dude but sometimes it's like we

01:22:55.660 don't watch the whole episode and people don't know things yeah well we live in a hot take society

01:22:59.680 we do it's kind of crazy well there's money in it so there's money there's attention there's views

01:23:04.340 so yeah you just have to pull back and try not to be so susceptible to it like as you get older

01:23:10.100 just realize okay yeah i think sometimes it's like i don't know but yeah i felt yeah i mean

01:23:16.960 in that instance or with that specific thing with joe it just felt like man i wish this isn't what

01:23:21.900 i felt like happened you know yeah and yeah and he's just he's been super supportive he always

01:23:27.220 kind of checks in over the years like he's gotten a little bit more real check-in or invite me out

01:23:31.400 to dinner with his wife and his kids like little things like that it's like well i know it's hard

01:23:34.740 it's probably hard for him to even be around a lot of people a lot because it's just a lot of

01:23:37.940 energy you give out i remember we went to dinner in austin one time it was it was him tony lex

01:23:44.140 Friedman. I'm trying to think who else, who else? It was like a bizarre, you're like,

01:23:48.900 what is this life? You know, where it's an Italian restaurant. And then he changes the

01:23:54.080 gravity of a, he's so big. You forget it. Again, it's one of those things of like, I

01:23:58.240 see him at the comedy store all the time and I just see him as a comedian. I know him as

01:24:02.020 that, but then you enter the real world and you kind of see how everyone else reacts to

01:24:07.260 the same person. So we're just eating dinner and then this pasta would hit the table every

01:24:12.660 now and then and then we look up and there's like a 45 year old woman just like throwing pasta to 1.00

01:24:18.500 get his attention she's like hi and he's like yeah yeah i just you know i just want to say hello and 0.99

01:24:26.240 he's like why don't you come downstairs and say hi like a normal person like okay i don't want

01:24:32.460 to bother you if we were throwing pasta is way worse than just i don't know what was going through

01:24:39.480 was a lady's head but she was just throwing pasta on the table that's italian emails brother that's 0.99

01:24:42.980 all that's all it is bro just humming warm pasta at joe rogan's table that's fucking crazy 0.95

01:24:48.960 um but yeah anyway i think it yeah i think it's got to be i don't know sometimes you think of 0.75

01:24:57.040 what is it like to be him because he's he's an interesting guy um there's a question i want to

01:25:01.200 ask you can i do that yeah sure so okay we were doing one of the shows and then i don't know if

01:25:06.080 even heard it you're on stage and then some random person was like talk about road rules oh yeah and

01:25:12.920 to me it's just so absurd because you've done so much past beyond that yeah you're kind of like

01:25:17.800 you're like does anybody even remember that how do you take it that part of your life and then

01:25:22.860 what was that kind of fame because that was mtv was huge that's sort of like what tiktok is now

01:25:28.140 or being a streamer that's a good point i never thought about it in a correlation like what that's

01:25:32.120 what tiktok is now yeah think about any young person uh who's famous mtv was that for us that

01:25:39.460 was like the vessel well it's probably where michael jackson premiered on i'm guessing that

01:25:42.600 probably one of the networks that it premiered on because i think mtv was semi-universal at the time

01:25:46.780 yeah that was our tiktok pretty much like if you wanted anything young it was that yeah and i also

01:25:51.140 have this thought too like young people today have it so nice that the entertainment they watch is

01:25:56.300 made by young people when we were growing up we were watching like balding 30 year olds

01:26:00.900 try to be in high school on tv shows and some of them were probably touching the kids they were

01:26:05.960 working with maybe we don't know but all there's a pretty good chance that was happening but we

01:26:12.740 were watching an approximation of youth you know like that's because that's all we had we're

01:26:16.840 watching yo mama we were watching wilmer valderrama host different factions of yo mama groups yeah now

01:26:24.140 if you're 10 you can find a 10 you're like or now if you're 20 you can find it you can find like

01:26:27.780 somebody who speaks to you right that's a good point i never thought about that exactly because

01:26:32.200 even um like i'm trying to think like yeah mtv it was like older people it was people who were

01:26:37.920 watching that were 12 or 13 it slanted younger but you had to watch i got these are the youngest

01:26:43.320 people i see on tv but they happen to be 20 or 25 like 90210 how old were they during

01:26:49.120 shooting that they were probably 26 ish i would bet maybe like one of them was full-on like

01:26:54.800 balding

01:26:55.560 this isn't the teacher

01:26:58.780 they gave a teacher a backpack

01:27:00.920 bro remember that

01:27:03.240 yeah those were the shows we would sit and watch

01:27:05.480 oh dude 90210 was like

01:27:07.560 it was the show for my

01:27:09.460 family and then I'll get back and answer your question

01:27:11.340 too because I don't want you to think I was trying not to answer it

01:27:12.980 that was the show for my family

01:27:15.100 we were like we were all

01:27:16.820 and it's Shannon Doherty

01:27:19.160 Jenny Garth

01:27:20.800 Tori Spelling, Brian Austin Green, Jason

01:27:23.000 priestly luke perry ian zering gabrielle carteris uh 29 years old yeah i mean i mean some of them

01:27:30.360 are young yeah some of them make sense but some of them are a stretch and this is when it started

01:27:34.080 too so by the end they were all mid-20s right but dude yeah that like that show was the show

01:27:40.880 where like like probably i'd watch with three of my siblings and we were all like two years apart

01:27:47.260 so we all had like different like one of us was watching it was like cool about school one because

01:27:51.780 it was cool it was at a high school and one of us was watching because like you know we hadn't

01:27:55.120 gotten to hear about things that like older kids do or anything like that and then um one of us

01:28:00.060 was just watching to see like if there was any leg showing or anything like that or a little bit of 0.96

01:28:03.920 sexy time or something you know but yeah dude that was a fucking juggernaut how many people 0.98

01:28:11.080 watch that show i wonder so many i'm sure it was unbelievable luke perry passed away a few years 0.83

01:28:16.580 good indie yeah and shannon doherty oh yeah that show was wild dude uh yeah for the road rule stuff

01:28:24.600 the crazy thing for me was sometimes i can't even remember it it's that long ago it's that long ago

01:28:31.960 i think and i think i've just had like you know we get busier and like with comedy you're doing

01:28:36.000 a lot of stuff like you're performing in a lot of like you know you get up almost every night and so

01:28:40.780 So I think that starts to take over a lot of space.

01:28:48.680 One thing that was, I think, in hindsight, a blessing about that experience

01:28:52.220 was that I kind of got to be, like, you got a level of popularity there,

01:28:56.280 but you didn't, like, with doing road rules, being on MTV,

01:28:58.920 but you didn't have any money, right?

01:29:01.320 So you had no, and you had no, the only way you could get, like, any, like,

01:29:06.180 kind of you had to keep going back to them to if you wanted something else you know you just had

01:29:11.540 to be in their world and and part of it was a blessing and stuff like that you got to do cool

01:29:15.160 stuff i'm not complaining but um but but one thing was i realized at that time that like

01:29:21.860 there wasn't a like being popular was cool but there wasn't like a ton of value to it

01:29:27.800 like for years i kind of thought like oh is this cool thing but then i was like well what is it for

01:29:32.320 like where does it really you know like you know i'd end up having long conversation with drunk 0.99

01:29:38.720 dudes at a bar or something or some fucking monster that corners you and you're like trying 0.98

01:29:43.520 to look over his shoulder like hopefully hopefully some woman's giving you eye contact you're sitting 0.99

01:29:47.480 there just just stuck fucking inches away from some dude's non-deodorant you know but yeah i

01:29:53.500 think i realized that there was wasn't a lot of that fame had like there wasn't a ton of value to 0.84

01:29:57.860 it well especially monetarily it wasn't there right so you just had fame but you didn't have

01:30:02.160 you don't really own your fans kind of right you're like everybody like oh look at that 1.00

01:30:05.320 motherfucker damn he's fucked up you know or he's at the you know he'd be at the bus stop at school 1.00

01:30:09.940 just normal shit that's totally normal you're in college yeah so just gave you a bunch of 1.00

01:30:13.480 conversations you didn't want to have to be in or yeah well like maybe look at the values of 0.99

01:30:17.600 popularity like well what value is this like yeah it's valuable to me in the sense of like

01:30:21.880 if i'm going to be out and i'll or if i want to get help get into a nightclub or something but

01:30:26.440 i don't really have a voice for myself i didn't really have um anything to show for you didn't

01:30:31.680 make any money so it was um you know you had some fun experiences but then you were also left with

01:30:37.760 a lot of people who knew you who you were and no way to hide from it you know like i remember i was

01:30:44.240 even after that i was sleeping on my buddy's floor for like probably a year you know uh so i don't

01:30:49.680 know it just it almost felt like i don't know it just gave you a look at what popularity was and

01:30:54.460 the values of it and the non-values of it i think so then like i started comedy and then 10 years

01:30:59.920 later i had this whole other experience and most people don't even know about the first one or they

01:31:05.660 just didn't put it together i don't know what happened yeah because i so rarely hear about it

01:31:09.560 such a deep cut yes sometimes i wish i remember like i think i was just at a young place like i 0.96

01:31:15.840 was just at a place where you're just energetic and frenetic and shit you're just trying to get 0.98

01:31:19.520 laid and trying to just jerk yourself off or whatever and tell been lied to people say you 0.99

01:31:23.580 got laid or something uh-huh um well i guess now people because you were glomming on to this other 0.96

01:31:29.460 thing that was kind of bigger than the pieces who are part of that show. So it almost feels like

01:31:33.540 you're renting that fame or you're just a part of the assembly line. Yeah. I felt like I didn't

01:31:37.440 have any, it didn't represent me. Like none of the, and it felt like I didn't, they can edit

01:31:41.480 things the way they want, which are fine, but it's not my, I don't get to be the, I don't get to be

01:31:45.220 the be all end all of me. Right. Like I, I don't get to say exactly how this is, this is for me.

01:31:52.760 Right. Um, but I don't know. It was cool that I got this one thing I think I'm almost kind of

01:31:57.520 grateful to God about it is that I got this like trial run at what it was like to have some

01:32:01.120 popularity. And so then whenever it happened again, I think I've been able to navigate it

01:32:05.360 differently for myself. Yeah. Um, not always great, but I've definitely had a different

01:32:10.720 perception of it and, uh, and a different understanding of the potential values of it

01:32:16.260 in some spaces. Right. Maybe. Does that make any sense? No, it does. Cause even people have an

01:32:21.580 idea of what fame is and, but there's like levels to it as well. And you think you want it. I think

01:32:26.140 especially when you're young just because the things that you want fame will unlock immediately

01:32:30.560 but those are kind of primal wants once you get past it you realize okay it's not as great but

01:32:37.320 it's great when you're 18 or 20 yeah if you're just trying to be coming or whatever getting

01:32:40.620 meals or whatever yeah yeah coming and meals it's great you know coming or meals fame is great for

01:32:47.780 that but like why am i here it's harder if you want to bust and have like pad thai it's fame is

01:32:56.720 awesome you'll do those for free but if you like you know what are these relationships are they

01:33:02.120 built on lies it's harder for that yeah it's harder so i don't know but um but yeah sometime

01:33:12.180 we'll have to next time we do an episode we'll have to go down some of those roads roads or even

01:33:15.120 those roads of like shows that we used to watch and shit thinking about something that's fun

01:33:18.260 um so you started out in business you worked at boeing what were you doing over there i was doing 0.83

01:33:23.340 engineering so i was doing stress analysis at long beach so the boeing out in long beach

01:33:28.040 that's what i went to school for i did mechanical engineering and but i knew i wanted to do stand up

01:33:32.780 when i was 18 i was very young and and then i just applied to jobs in socal and then i got a job at

01:33:37.500 boeing in long beach so and what is a mechanical engineer just so people know there's different

01:33:42.120 facets of it you can go into you can do like hvac that's that's an industry you can go into just

01:33:47.540 like heating and cooling you can go into some people work at toyota or with cars and then

01:33:52.740 aerospace is a big employer of mechanical um just think about anything mechanical there's going to

01:33:59.280 be mechanical engineers like tesla just you know anything mechanical um so then yeah i got my degree

01:34:06.020 and then i knew i wanted to stand up and as a stand-up back then there was no internet really

01:34:09.680 I mean, or social media, you had to go to New York or LA.

01:34:13.000 And then I'm like, ah, my parents are in Seattle.

01:34:15.780 I kind of want to do entertainment as well, TV movies.

01:34:18.920 So I chose LA.

01:34:21.200 So then I just applied to jobs in LA.

01:34:23.180 And then I got a job at Boeing and Long Beach.

01:34:25.060 And you hadn't started even with standup yet?

01:34:26.720 No, I did.

01:34:27.440 I was, the summer after I graduated high school, I was 18.

01:34:31.700 And then I just started going to the comedy clubs in Seattle.

01:34:33.760 Did you see Adam Ray?

01:34:34.420 Was he there?

01:34:34.940 He didn't start yet.

01:34:36.220 Oh.

01:34:36.640 So I think I met Adam Ray.

01:34:37.940 Brian Moot?

01:34:39.020 Yeah, Moot was there.

01:34:40.440 Jeff Dye actually started a few years after me,

01:34:43.040 maybe like two, two or three years after me.

01:34:45.140 So there was some funny people coming out of Seattle.

01:34:48.920 But Adam didn't, I met him,

01:34:52.360 but he didn't start in the scene there.

01:34:55.040 He started out here in LA.

01:34:56.040 He went to USC, but he wasn't at the mics

01:34:58.360 or anything like that.

01:34:59.060 Oh, God, Adam Ray.

01:35:00.120 Yeah, Adam Ray.

01:35:02.420 Yeah, so that's how I ended up in LA

01:35:03.700 and working at Boeing.

01:35:05.700 I was there for like four years and then I quit.

01:35:07.520 Was it cool over there?

01:35:08.660 Like, is it like a nice space where you guys have like a launch or like a community area?

01:35:12.600 Like, what's that?

01:35:12.900 It was so quintessential, like office spacey.

01:35:16.360 At least I was envious because tech was having this boom with Microsoft, Google. 0.99

01:35:20.840 People are on Razor scooters, jumping to ball pits and shit. 0.99

01:35:24.720 You know what I mean? 0.99

01:35:25.300 Yeah.

01:35:25.480 Like tech looked so fun.

01:35:27.680 And then-

01:35:28.180 That's crazy.

01:35:28.940 It did.

01:35:29.820 But just to hear somebody say that, it just shows you how people are so different in different

01:35:33.000 places where they grow up.

01:35:33.980 Yeah, yeah.

01:35:34.660 I mean-

01:35:34.940 Like nobody ever where I'm from has ever said tech look-

01:35:37.140 Tech looks so fun, dude.

01:35:39.180 You're saying no one in Louisiana said Tech looks so fun to you?

01:35:41.840 I don't think so.

01:35:42.840 You ever get a lot of kids saying that?

01:35:44.260 No, it's okay, though, but it's cool, though.

01:35:46.380 It's just cool how, like, places are different.

01:35:49.700 And was your parents, like, a lot of pressure?

01:35:52.020 Did you have a lot of pressure?

01:35:53.240 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

01:35:53.940 Where are your parents from?

01:35:55.740 Afghanistan.

01:35:56.440 From Afghanistan?

01:35:57.240 Yeah, yeah. 1.00

01:35:57.460 So they came here from there.

01:35:59.480 So, yeah, there is that stereotype.

01:36:01.340 What is that stereotype?

01:36:02.400 Like, is it a real stereotype?

01:36:03.840 And is it just for Afghanistan, or is it for a lot of—

01:36:06.000 Is it similar?

01:36:06.600 just like

01:36:07.560 you know 1.00

01:36:09.620 oh it's immigrants 0.91

01:36:10.740 it's an immigrant thing 0.99

01:36:11.680 if you leave your country

01:36:12.840 and you come to America

01:36:13.700 you don't want to hear

01:36:14.460 your kid is hitting the mics

01:36:15.900 you know what I mean 1.00

01:36:18.080 like we evaded the Russians 1.00

01:36:19.480 for you to try this new bit

01:36:21.420 you know

01:36:24.180 I'm like you don't understand

01:36:25.720 this joke has legs

01:36:26.840 just let me do it three times

01:36:29.120 and if it bombs

01:36:30.060 I won't do it anymore

01:36:31.180 yeah mom

01:36:32.820 it's about Waymos dude

01:36:33.920 it's about

01:36:34.280 we just got Waymos in Nashville too 0.98

01:36:36.560 yeah and people are fucking you can see people out they don't like them well they're calling i'm not 0.99

01:36:41.100 saying they're out there yelling you know shit right right they call them momos or just we don't 1.00

01:36:45.420 like you momos get the fuck out of here or wagers they're calling i'm like that's insane to be 0.99

01:36:51.880 what's happening you know it doesn't even know a slur is being thrown at it is just is it's trying 0.99

01:36:56.600 to get its people to where it's got to go yeah dude well i saw you have dude this reminds me

01:37:03.180 you had something

01:37:03.800 you're like

01:37:04.420 the car started

01:37:06.380 complaining

01:37:06.920 he was having a bad day

01:37:08.940 was that you saying that?

01:37:09.880 oh yeah

01:37:10.160 it was like a Waymo

01:37:11.540 I forgot how it went

01:37:14.480 you know it's

01:37:14.780 I mean

01:37:15.380 maybe I have it on my

01:37:16.200 Instagram somewhere

01:37:16.780 but like

01:37:17.340 I think you had some

01:37:18.620 tech guy on

01:37:19.280 because my buddy

01:37:19.880 hit me up

01:37:20.360 because you mentioned me

01:37:21.220 anytime you name check me

01:37:22.260 I have you know

01:37:22.740 huge friends

01:37:23.660 who are huge fans

01:37:24.180 of the pod

01:37:24.540 and they're like

01:37:24.920 oh Tio talked about you

01:37:25.960 and I saw the clip

01:37:27.520 and you're talking

01:37:28.080 to some tech guy

01:37:28.980 he's like

01:37:29.960 you know if he has no idea

01:37:31.440 and you're telling him

01:37:32.080 the Waymo joke

01:37:32.700 and he's just like staring at you like paint drying

01:37:35.000 but you're just telling him my joke

01:37:36.880 and he's like yeah that's great

01:37:38.860 maybe it was Alexander Wang

01:37:40.460 was it? oh that's great dude

01:37:43.060 oh yeah maybe this is the one

01:37:44.220 yeah let me see this bro

01:37:45.580 I forgot how it goes

01:37:47.120 I got to take one recently I get in there's no driver

01:37:49.620 and the Waymo goes this isn't my main thing

01:37:52.520 I rap

01:37:53.340 and it was quiet for a while the ride was pretty quiet

01:37:58.340 and then out of nowhere the Waymo went

01:38:00.200 we need to build a wall

01:38:01.820 It was like a MAGA Waymo I guess

01:38:06.620 Then we hit a guy

01:38:07.980 We hit a person

01:38:08.720 Just flew over the car

01:38:10.860 And then the Waymo went 1.00

01:38:11.700 Oh f**k, f**k, f**k 1.00

01:38:13.340 F**k, you gotta help me 1.00

01:38:15.480 What do you mean I gotta help you 1.00

01:38:17.960 He's like you're a part of this now

01:38:19.440 How would I even help you

01:38:21.480 He's like chop it up into smaller pieces

01:38:23.240 Throw the parts in the back

01:38:25.880 I go this has happened Waymo

01:38:27.320 He goes you have any coke

01:38:28.520 Waymo, you're a car

01:38:31.240 he's like put it in my charge port

01:38:33.480 no

01:38:35.240 let's go to the car wash

01:38:38.360 and strip clubs for Waymo

01:38:40.720 I mean I'm just like doing a screenplay

01:38:43.700 for a Pixar movie

01:38:45.320 about a Waymo

01:38:46.020 dude that's great bro

01:38:48.160 everything you but that's like I feel like you do like a million

01:38:51.260 of those every single time it's just like

01:38:52.960 what about this and it's like some new thing

01:38:55.220 man it's always so novel you're one of the people that

01:38:57.200 when I see you are like

01:38:58.340 it just makes me like i don't know it's just like it's like the purest thing it's like

01:39:03.560 this is something funny let me see how it goes that's so cool that you like notice that or

01:39:10.160 appreciate it because that's honestly the whole reason i do stand up is i think of something and

01:39:14.900 i i i think it's funny and i i want to share it and i hope that people validate what i this idea

01:39:21.260 like does this idea work does it have legs and when they do it's the best feeling in the world

01:39:26.120 whenever I do stand-up

01:39:27.800 it's just I hope you think this is funny too

01:39:29.640 like I don't need them to laugh or whatever

01:39:31.920 but I'm like I thought this was novel

01:39:33.200 do you guys find it novel

01:39:34.580 and there's just such joy in that

01:39:36.440 and when it works

01:39:37.440 I'm the happiest in the world

01:39:39.060 so I'm chasing that

01:39:40.320 yeah why is that you think

01:39:41.960 what is it

01:39:42.300 I mean obviously we want to make people happy

01:39:43.560 like it's fun to make somebody laugh

01:39:44.860 or something like that

01:39:45.500 like there's something so perfect about it

01:39:47.040 I get it

01:39:47.380 it's like there was nothing here a moment ago

01:39:48.900 and now like you're laughing

01:39:50.760 or we're both laughing 0.99

01:39:51.440 like that shit's pretty dope really 0.99

01:39:53.140 for me when I have a bit that like I know works 0.99

01:39:55.980 i get less of a rush because i know it works i know the joke works so it almost feels like

01:40:01.520 there's a it serves its purpose like when you do the road and you're celebrating those bits that

01:40:05.740 you got to that place but if i'm just working out in town i'm like i already know i already

01:40:10.120 know the joke works so it doesn't scratch the comic itch in me but if i can get something

01:40:14.900 that's mediocre or a brand new thought to work that's when i get all the like dopamine and stuff

01:40:21.340 I'm like what a rush that's like catching a big

01:40:23.280 way for me

01:40:24.000 so I'm just yeah

01:40:25.820 as a mechanical

01:40:29.400 engineer do you think that

01:40:31.180 because we've been talking

01:40:33.320 about things that are black and white we've been talking about

01:40:35.100 Waymo's Michael Jackson

01:40:36.460 but yeah in the spirit of continuing to

01:40:39.320 talk about things that are black and white do you think that we went to the

01:40:41.360 moon I just caught it right now Jesus

01:40:43.040 that's so funny you just like kept on drilling down on it

01:40:45.220 and I finally got the black or white thing

01:40:46.700 do you think that we went

01:40:49.300 to the moon you're a mechanical engineer dude

01:40:50.720 Yeah, yeah.

01:40:51.120 And you left the business because you're like, oh, these – they don't – why did you leave?

01:40:55.440 I was finally doing well enough in comedy where I could.

01:40:58.900 So that was the goal the whole time.

01:41:00.840 But, I mean, most of us had to double life it until you got to the point where the art was doing well enough to abandon ship.

01:41:08.200 Did you have a last day?

01:41:09.320 Do you remember?

01:41:10.380 Yeah, kind of.

01:41:12.140 Oddly enough, I had booked this MTV show, and they needed me for three months.

01:41:18.860 And I didn't even want to leave.

01:41:20.020 I didn't even want to quit.

01:41:20.880 I just, I wanted to do a leave of absence

01:41:22.640 because I planned on returning

01:41:23.600 after shooting this MTV show.

01:41:25.800 I'm like, yeah, I, you know,

01:41:27.520 can I come back after three months?

01:41:28.820 I have to take this leave.

01:41:29.880 And they're like, no, you can't do that.

01:41:31.120 You can't take that much time off.

01:41:33.000 And then I read that

01:41:34.360 you can only collect unemployment

01:41:36.340 if they fire you.

01:41:38.420 So then, so then I just sent an email.

01:41:41.400 I go, I will be leaving on this day

01:41:44.020 and I plan on returning this day

01:41:45.460 just to let them know that I plan on returning.

01:41:47.900 and then I just, I just left the office, you know?

01:41:51.300 And then I wouldn't answer their calls

01:41:52.880 or emails or anything.

01:41:54.560 I was just waiting for them to terminate me, right?

01:41:57.380 Right, because then you can get unemployment.

01:41:58.680 Then I get unemployment.

01:41:59.860 Yeah.

01:42:00.400 Yeah, I'm playing 4D chess.

01:42:02.980 There's levels to this thing.

01:42:05.880 So enough time, I'm dodging them, I'm dodging them.

01:42:09.700 Then finally I get a voicemail like,

01:42:11.480 well, okay, well, we've terminated you. 0.97

01:42:15.400 I'm in my shitty apartment that you just saw 0.97

01:42:17.240 where I'm dancing 0.98

01:42:17.840 with JNCO jeans

01:42:18.760 and I'm like

01:42:20.720 yes

01:42:21.480 free at last

01:42:25.240 free at last

01:42:25.960 that's what you gotta 0.99

01:42:26.620 fucking put on 0.99

01:42:27.260 Amistad the soundtrack 1.00

01:42:28.320 and just fucking 0.99

01:42:29.180 put on your favorite 1.00

01:42:30.800 ballet boots

01:42:33.180 so that's why I left

01:42:35.800 I finally was able to

01:42:37.340 it was still dicey though

01:42:38.760 even though I left

01:42:40.160 I wasn't making

01:42:41.240 tons of money or anything

01:42:42.100 but it was too big

01:42:43.100 of an opportunity

01:42:43.660 I'm like

01:42:43.980 oh this is an MTV show

01:42:44.960 I should do it

01:42:46.600 which show was it?

01:42:47.240 disaster date

01:42:48.360 of all things

01:42:49.180 oh that show was

01:42:50.120 you remember that

01:42:50.620 no I remember

01:42:51.680 Elimidate 0.99

01:42:52.420 remember that 0.98

01:42:52.860 Elimidate 1.00

01:42:53.320 I remember that too 1.00

01:42:53.980 remember Third Wheel

01:42:54.760 remember the theme song

01:42:56.620 for Elimidate

01:42:57.060 Elimidate

01:42:58.040 yeah

01:42:58.320 Elimidate

01:43:00.500 they would have time cards

01:43:03.880 I think it was 0.65

01:43:04.580 was that Elimidate

01:43:05.720 it was like

01:43:06.040 why don't you have

01:43:07.100 a 30 minute time out

01:43:08.260 yeah

01:43:08.700 they'd be like 1.00

01:43:09.260 that bitch 1.00

01:43:09.720 gave me a time out 1.00

01:43:10.560 and then she'd be 1.00

01:43:11.440 with her man

01:43:12.000 yeah the best

01:43:12.940 one of them

01:43:13.380 whatever one was

01:43:14.120 they had a dude

01:43:14.880 who slipped off

01:43:15.420 and did a bunch 0.99

01:43:15.880 of fucking yay 1.00

01:43:16.660 and came back really yeah that dude was bagged up when he came back and that shit was the best bro 1.00

01:43:22.420 and when they had like three or four people and they had to pick who to let go and sometimes 0.98

01:43:26.400 you'd be shocked that was good that was eliminated oh okay okay when they had like three or four of

01:43:31.040 them or yeah i think four or three and then each time they would let somebody go and then they had

01:43:34.680 like the last one or whatever then there was one called fifth wheel there was on the bus or whatever

01:43:39.260 and then did you get to be the datey so the premise of the show oh my god i'm so young

01:43:46.380 disaster date

01:43:47.380 you would just be a terrible dater

01:43:49.520 so friends would set their friends up on the date

01:43:52.200 and then they would see how long

01:43:54.120 they could last on the date and you're just acting wild

01:43:56.280 and however many

01:43:58.160 minutes they last they got a dollar a minute

01:43:59.880 which is like nothing why would anybody do this

01:44:02.080 so if they sat through 0.84

01:44:03.460 you could just be Somalian and make millions dude 0.80

01:44:05.800 you know what I'm saying 1.00

01:44:06.500 yeah so not worth it

01:44:08.500 remember Jeff Keith was on it

01:44:10.800 oh I think I remember this

01:44:13.000 it was like boiling points for dating

01:44:15.100 I remember this. Was this with

01:44:16.520 Sally? Yes.

01:44:19.400 With that production company? So the late 495

01:44:21.000 Productions and their big show

01:44:23.020 was Jersey Shore.

01:44:25.000 Yes. And this was the red-headed stepchild 0.95

01:44:27.080 that nobody watched. Got it. Because Jersey Shore 0.96

01:44:29.240 was like fucking huge. Yeah. 0.99

01:44:30.980 And I remember there was a wrap party for

01:44:32.860 I did two seasons of this.

01:44:34.920 Like we did a wrap party

01:44:36.940 495 and Jersey

01:44:39.120 Shore was there and then we were there 0.98

01:44:41.060 too but like nobody gave a fuck. 0.98

01:44:42.820 We were like 0.92

01:44:43.740 The Timu show

01:44:46.340 So

01:44:47.000 Disaster

01:44:48.040 Snooki was there

01:44:49.040 Mike the situation

01:44:49.920 Was there

01:44:50.580 In the heyday

01:44:51.560 Yeah

01:44:52.120 So I have an old picture

01:44:53.680 Of like

01:44:54.020 Me and Snooki

01:44:55.220 And me with the situation

01:44:56.980 And he's doing this

01:44:57.840 Like

01:44:58.160 Very on brand

01:44:59.380 He's like

01:44:59.680 He has aviators

01:45:01.040 And he's like

01:45:01.700 And I'm like 0.99

01:45:03.300 Bro that shit's so great though 0.99

01:45:06.760 Yeah 0.99

01:45:07.200 What I was gonna ask you about

01:45:09.620 Oh do you think

01:45:10.440 My

01:45:10.660 Oh yeah

01:45:11.300 But on the engineer side

01:45:12.300 Do you think we went to the moon 1.00

01:45:13.400 Because a lot of comedians have a good sense, I think, sometimes of like bullshit because they're making a lot of bullshit. 0.99

01:45:21.620 So it's like they know, you know, how much is on the scale at times. 0.98

01:45:25.560 What do you think happened, man?

01:45:27.480 I'm not as smart as people think I am just because of the title.

01:45:31.040 I think we did.

01:45:32.680 It's tough because like, yeah, I worked at Boeing and I was an engineer.

01:45:35.540 But then people think that I'm way, I just did a bunch of school.

01:45:39.100 I was good at these formulas and I did it, but I really don't know a ton of stuff.

01:45:42.260 but I think we did

01:45:42.860 we did go there

01:45:43.600 you did?

01:45:44.760 well look at the footage

01:45:45.660 of the iPhone

01:45:46.800 that was kind of cool

01:45:47.980 that just came out?

01:45:48.980 yeah the astronaut

01:45:49.800 was in there

01:45:50.380 it was pretty cool

01:45:51.120 let's get a

01:45:51.620 yeah let's take a peek

01:45:52.400 at that

01:45:52.860 who's the first 1.00

01:45:54.360 wigger in space 1.00

01:45:55.200 do you think 1.00

01:45:55.700 have they done it?

01:45:57.100 like test their blood

01:45:58.100 to see

01:45:58.500 no no 0.94

01:46:00.100 just like

01:46:00.680 just like bonafide 0.99

01:46:02.220 send a real fucking 0.98

01:46:03.200 Jason Williams up there 0.99

01:46:04.360 you know what I'm saying?

01:46:05.380 just for science

01:46:06.140 like we want to see 0.93

01:46:06.860 how their body reacts

01:46:07.820 to space

01:46:08.920 so we're sending

01:46:09.660 Jason Williams up

01:46:10.720 yeah

01:46:11.120 And he's elbow passing to other astronauts

01:46:13.880 Dude imagine the passes he could do

01:46:16.280 In zero G's

01:46:17.380 Bro

01:46:19.300 But that looks come on

01:46:20.960 If we get to unlock Jason Williams on the moon

01:46:22.880 That looks like a sperm going to an egg

01:46:25.340 That's true 0.84

01:46:26.260 Dude this is crazy

01:46:29.200 So that's a picture some guy just took on his iPhone 0.95

01:46:31.340 One of the female astronauts took that

01:46:33.500 Probably her man being like where are you 0.99

01:46:37.520 And he's like bullshit 1.00

01:46:38.760 Yeah she goes space I told you 0.99

01:46:40.840 And then she sends that back

01:46:42.760 Prove it

01:46:44.360 It's a nightclub, I've been there 1.00

01:46:46.980 Speaking of space and wiggas and everything

01:46:52.080 That's a crazy statement

01:46:54.880 That sounds like a Comics Unleashed segue

01:46:57.260 Speaking of wiggas and space

01:47:00.160 That's so Byron Allen

01:47:03.220 He'd be like, tell me about that

01:47:04.340 He'd be like, oh, sorry your mother died

01:47:07.380 What else is going on with you, Tommy?

01:47:09.540 and it was just like keep it moving there's an art to it congrats to byron allen they got that

01:47:13.640 new time slot so yeah good for comics unleashed they give a lot of you know screen time to

01:47:18.560 younger comics and stuff and more people establish one too yeah they've done they've

01:47:22.720 done a lot of that for people um yeah and since we're on the subject of space and wiggas let's

01:47:28.460 they just had a marriage proposal it's a gender reveal oh i'm sorry it's the yeah this is a gender 0.82

01:47:33.320 reveal no matter what gender that baby's going to be mixed that's just wiganomics homie 0.83

01:47:38.680 what if they do an ultrasound and the baby's like 0.98

01:47:49.960 he's just like his dad he's like pop lock and drop it he's sea walking in the womb

01:47:56.620 dude yeah they don't wiggas was everything when i was a kid man i mean i feel you used to be able

01:48:05.500 to say it freely some people get tense about like are you allowed to say wiggas is it still

01:48:09.720 oh can we is it back yeah it's back it never left dude half the nba

01:48:13.980 i feel like they're euro though we used to have well bring up a couple euro wiggas if you can

01:48:20.940 is that the new term i guess it is i mean that's a great question who is kind of a euro uh

01:48:28.500 a euro dub they're mostly euro dubs you think we used to have homegrown dubs

01:48:35.200 Yeah. 1.00

01:48:36.580 Now we have these foreigners. 0.99

01:48:37.860 Did they have a lot of dubs up there in Seattle? 1.00

01:48:40.540 Seattle?

01:48:42.280 Every middle school has some dubs, but they're not real dubs.

01:48:45.780 With all that rain up there, a lot of damp dubs, huh?

01:48:48.280 There's some damp dubs.

01:48:49.860 You know what's funny? 1.00

01:48:50.800 The university I went to, UW.

01:48:53.320 University of Washington.

01:48:56.120 Dub nation, dude. 1.00

01:48:57.360 Panics, bro. 1.00

01:49:00.420 If you're a Wigga, how can you even get married? 1.00

01:49:02.460 Like, you're already married to the streets, I feel like. 1.00

01:49:06.640 That's a good point.

01:49:07.400 Maybe it's, like, polyamory.

01:49:09.460 Like, are you open to an open relationship?

01:49:11.700 It'll be you and the streets?

01:49:13.620 Will you share me with the streets?

01:49:15.120 Yeah, yeah, yeah. 1.00

01:49:16.480 That's an open-minded gal. 1.00

01:49:18.320 Oh, I left the trenches to get you, and let's go back together.

01:49:20.720 Yeah.

01:49:21.160 Oh, I love that idea.

01:49:22.400 It's almost like that movie with Robin Williams.

01:49:26.560 Which one?

01:49:27.640 What Dreams May Come.

01:49:29.800 You say wet dreams?

01:49:31.160 Yeah.

01:49:31.520 wet dreams may come

01:49:33.460 wet dreams may come

01:49:36.660 dude

01:49:37.080 of course they may

01:49:39.200 bro there's nothing kind of shadier

01:49:42.300 though in like

01:49:43.240 like there's nothing kind of shadier

01:49:46.520 when you get wet dreamed or whatever by God

01:49:48.540 or whatever because it's like

01:49:50.360 it's like

01:49:52.640 sometimes you like if you especially if you're going

01:49:54.400 through a time period where you do not want to be

01:49:56.280 ejaculating or whatever 0.99

01:49:58.180 and then God like wet 0.63

01:50:00.400 dreams you or whatever and you're like oh 0.98

01:50:02.160 damn it's kind of a gift it's like thank 0.99

01:50:04.400 you kind of dude oh we had 0.99

01:50:06.340 one of our previous producers this kid rally now

01:50:08.240 he used to pray that God would touch him in his sleep

01:50:10.440 so he'd be able to because 0.59

01:50:12.340 he didn't have any he'd never ejaculated

01:50:14.480 and would God answer 0.63

01:50:16.180 yeah he said 1.00

01:50:18.340 he would I bet that shit was just 1.00

01:50:20.260 damn like you ever have it happen 1.00

01:50:22.380 where you're like not at home and like now this 0.99

01:50:24.360 is tricky that's not ideal like an away

01:50:26.420 game like when you're sleeping somewhere away

01:50:28.180 when you're a kid and like you're somebody else's

01:50:30.380 This is how you're like, this is no.

01:50:32.360 Now you're like Dexter.

01:50:33.520 I only.

01:50:34.760 How do I get rid of this?

01:50:36.660 Or am I just crusty?

01:50:38.500 Do I just have drywall?

01:50:40.420 I don't.

01:50:41.040 I only come local, bro.

01:50:42.240 That's me.

01:50:42.720 But you're you have no control over your brain.

01:50:44.940 Sometimes it does that.

01:50:46.640 You would never have it happen.

01:50:48.200 I don't think so.

01:50:49.300 I wet the bed a lot of people's homes.

01:50:52.260 I wet the bed.

01:50:52.880 I almost feel like that's more acceptable.

01:50:55.060 It kind of is, which is crazy.

01:50:56.540 And it's way more liquid.

01:50:58.060 It's yeah.

01:50:58.540 yeah yeah it's kind of crazy how if you wet the bed at somebody's house so like that's fine let's

01:51:02.640 help you out you know but you ejaculate in your sleep at somebody's house and they're like oh

01:51:08.240 get out you go i could have wet the bed yeah 0.98

01:51:11.980 damn that's different dude what else we got what's popping guys some of the robots i love that 0.97

01:51:19.120 robot dog in the atlanta apartment complex oh yeah let's see that dude yeah especially since 0.99

01:51:25.160 You worked in tech, bro.

01:51:26.140 Let's get your viewpoint on some of this tech, dude.

01:51:28.500 Oh, did you ever get to meet Bill Gates?

01:51:30.220 No.

01:51:31.180 What if I was like, I was at Epstein Island, and I got to meet him briefly.

01:51:35.080 I was trying to ask him about Windows, but he said he had to get to a room.

01:51:38.660 I thought that was odd.

01:51:39.620 I was trying to troubleshoot my Dell PC.

01:51:44.040 Did you ever hear rumors about him or anything?

01:51:45.580 Like, what was he like?

01:51:46.340 No, I mean, I had no idea.

01:51:47.420 I feel like a lot of those files, you're like, what?

01:51:49.420 This person?

01:51:50.840 Who would think that Bill Gates is doing, you know what I mean?

01:51:54.560 Yeah.

01:51:54.780 Did you have any idea?

01:51:56.880 Yeah, I think money, you know, you get so much power.

01:51:59.280 I can understand why these people, but like nobody would throw a dart and think it would hit Bill Gates.

01:52:05.620 That he would be involved in some of that?

01:52:07.260 Yeah, when I was a kid in the 90s, this guy talking about windows, think he's going to be on a Epstein Island. 0.53

01:52:13.420 And it's crazy to think how they, like they made everybody, like Michael Jackson is a pedophile or whatever, right? 0.66

01:52:19.260 And he may or may not have been, we don't know.

01:52:21.040 but there's also evidence out there

01:52:23.300 that he was getting with a lot of women

01:52:25.260 right

01:52:25.920 Mike Tyson

01:52:26.760 Mike Tyson will attest

01:52:27.840 here's Bill Gates right here

01:52:29.040 let's see what happens

01:52:30.000 oh yeah

01:52:31.200 he jumped over a chair

01:52:32.240 why did he do it

01:52:34.860 just to show that he could do it

01:52:36.380 this was like impressive back in the 90s

01:52:38.300 he's hitting on Connie Chung

01:52:39.740 she's married to Maury Povich right 1.00

01:52:43.880 this fucking Chung jumper 1.00

01:52:46.720 jumper Chung dude 0.99

01:52:49.580 that'd be a good 0.99

01:52:50.220 Asian Olympic thing, wouldn't it be? 0.79

01:52:53.840 Jump for Chung, and it's a fundraiser?

01:52:55.680 Right, for the family.

01:52:56.680 People jump as far as they can for Connie Chung?

01:52:59.040 Yeah, I would jump. 0.86

01:53:00.740 Jump for Chung.

01:53:01.640 How much money do you think we could raise for that?

01:53:02.860 Oh, dude.

01:53:06.600 Have you seen some of this tech?

01:53:07.900 Since you're a tech guy, dude,

01:53:09.140 and since you worked there for so long.

01:53:10.560 It's so funny.

01:53:10.920 I'm the resident expert,

01:53:12.220 and you just anointed me as the resident expert, 0.99

01:53:15.160 and I'm kind of dumb. 0.98

01:53:16.780 Let's take a gander at this, dude. 1.00

01:53:18.260 now they got the motherfucking robot dog in the motherfucking hood patrolling apartment 1.00

01:53:24.380 what the fuck type of a y'all shit it is what the fuck he look like he finna bite your way 1.00

01:53:31.260 hello oh baby how are you how are you where are you at i'm good this is a person on it so 1.00

01:53:45.080 So, what y'all got the robot dog in here for?

01:53:49.340 To watch the people so they don't take...

01:53:51.500 Oh, sorry.

01:53:54.020 So, we're actually, like, the robotic security dog here.

01:53:58.400 So, what y'all got the tellers?

01:54:01.620 It's an alien.

01:54:03.400 Everything is being monitored and recorded.

01:54:05.600 Hi.

01:54:06.360 Hi. 1.00

01:54:08.800 Dude, a lot of black folks, they didn't want you to say what's up to them, bro. 1.00

01:54:12.180 Once they said hi, bro, everybody was chill, you know? 1.00

01:54:14.960 The robot dapped him up and stuff. 1.00

01:54:16.860 Oh, shit. 1.00

01:54:18.820 The robot's wearing like a couple chains and shit next week. 1.00

01:54:22.060 Dude, they're going to fucking fix that thing up. 1.00

01:54:24.720 Popping, bro. 1.00

01:54:25.760 They're going to get that thing in a little suit. 1.00

01:54:27.280 It's going to look like fucking LaBelle Crawford in a month. 1.00

01:54:30.080 That bitch is going to be dope as hell, bro. 1.00

01:54:32.180 They're going to get that thing popping, bro. 1.00

01:54:33.740 It's going to be beautiful.

01:54:35.140 That's crazy.

01:54:36.100 What do you think?

01:54:37.100 I don't know if I could be a cop, man.

01:54:38.780 I don't know if I could be.

01:54:40.460 I could be a dog.

01:54:41.980 Like a cop dog?

01:54:42.960 I want to be a dog that lives outdoors

01:54:45.620 old school dogs like when I was growing up they had dogs

01:54:47.820 that lived outdoors and I remember

01:54:49.940 the first time I ever saw a dog that lived indoors I went to

01:54:51.880 my buddy's house and a dog

01:54:53.900 came around the corner dude and we were inside 0.99

01:54:55.680 and I was like whoa and it was like a blonde 1.00

01:54:58.020 dog it was like 0.94

01:54:59.860 beautiful it looked like

01:55:01.980 Susan

01:55:02.560 Suzanne Somers

01:55:05.460 remember her? oh yeah

01:55:07.100 I mean just fucking 0.97

01:55:09.920 beautiful this thing came around and it lived 0.98

01:55:11.820 inside and i could not even believe it i could it blew my mind i was like you gotta be kidding me

01:55:17.040 but it was so beautiful it deserved to live inside right like i'd seen a lot of dogs that hadn't had 0.99

01:55:22.080 missing teeth missing fucking eyebrows or whatever missing all kinds of shit you know just 1.00

01:55:27.720 dogs that we had a dog that couldn't go forward or whatever that bitch was always so he'd fucking 1.00

01:55:33.780 he was something his his shoulders his front shoulders were uh um calcified or whatever 1.00

01:55:41.580 And so he had to fucking, so we had to go backwards. 1.00

01:55:45.400 It was like, damn this motherfucker. 1.00

01:55:46.780 But he would still get you, you know what I'm saying? 1.00

01:55:48.520 So that'd be crazy. 1.00

01:55:49.240 At first you'd be like, this motherfucker ain't getting me. 1.00

01:55:50.840 But then, bro, two minutes later, he'd have you fucking cornered somewhere, bro, with his asshole. 1.00

01:55:56.080 He'd have you cornered with his dang asshole. 1.00

01:55:57.980 And you still hear his voice, but it's going the other way, bro. 1.00

01:56:00.840 And that's the kind of shit I grew up around, bro. 0.99

01:56:03.520 But yeah, what do you think, man? 1.00

01:56:04.960 You think he could be a dog?

01:56:06.220 You think he could be a cop?

01:56:08.360 I don't, I don't know if I could be a cop.

01:56:11.580 If you were a dancing cop, though, Liam, and—

01:56:13.360 Well, now you've sweetened the deal.

01:56:15.580 You buried the lead, man.

01:56:18.060 Maybe that could be a way to recruit a lot of people who normally wouldn't be cops.

01:56:21.780 You lead with dancing. 0.79

01:56:22.720 Yeah.

01:56:23.000 You might get some Broadway folk in there.

01:56:24.980 You might get me.

01:56:28.000 Can I, like, twirl when I apprehend you?

01:56:30.220 You can do whatever you want.

01:56:31.400 I think if there's a cool way to hit the cops on them, you know?

01:56:36.420 Yeah.

01:56:36.900 Like, what song do you want to listen to while you get arrested?

01:56:38.820 That sort of thing, you know?

01:56:40.500 Do they choose or do I get to choose?

01:56:42.540 I think you guys each get one.

01:56:44.300 It could be like Miranda, right?

01:56:45.460 So you could choose whatever song you want played while I arrest you.

01:56:48.080 Yeah.

01:56:48.360 And they go to their Spotify.

01:56:50.000 And then while they're slammed against the car, it's like a Kendrick track.

01:56:53.380 It's just like Dandelion.

01:56:55.600 It makes the experience better, right?

01:56:57.620 Yeah.

01:56:57.960 It's just a mystical.

01:56:58.820 You keep bumping me against the wall.

01:57:01.020 What is this?

01:57:02.940 I came here with a knife in my hand.

01:57:05.340 Be cool.

01:57:06.200 What was his biggest song, Mystical?

01:57:08.360 Did I do that?

01:57:09.940 No.

01:57:10.520 That was Urkel.

01:57:11.480 Danger!

01:57:12.360 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

01:57:13.660 But Mystical, I think, he sampled that in his song. 1.00

01:57:16.080 Shake your ass. 1.00

01:57:17.000 Yeah, shake your ass. 1.00

01:57:17.520 But watch yourself. 1.00

01:57:18.240 Watch yourself. 1.00

01:57:19.540 Shake your ass. 1.00

01:57:20.700 Show me what you're working with. 1.00

01:57:21.580 He was one of a kind, bro.

01:57:23.240 He was cousins with Master P?

01:57:26.020 Yeah, they was something.

01:57:28.340 Black people love to be cousins, bro.

01:57:30.500 This is true.

01:57:32.100 You know what I'm talking about?

01:57:33.200 They do.

01:57:34.260 Brothers as well and sisters.

01:57:36.220 White people don't love it as much to be cousins. 0.98

01:57:37.800 Black people. 1.00

01:57:38.460 That's a good point. 0.60

01:57:39.200 Yeah, cousin is an umbrella term.

01:57:41.440 Yeah.

01:57:41.840 But I feel like even like Afghans will use cousin loosely. 0.79

01:57:45.820 Really?

01:57:46.220 Because sometimes there's a family friend that's so close that just saying friend doesn't quite describe it.

01:57:52.000 And then cousin is almost like honorary cousin.

01:57:55.200 Yeah.

01:57:56.380 That's fair.

01:57:57.080 And your family changes as you get older.

01:57:58.720 It's like people will come into your life and they really represent a lot of like something that's very meaningful, like a meaningful connection, you know?

01:58:05.100 Yeah.

01:58:05.400 So sometimes friend isn't really, doesn't really do it justice.

01:58:07.800 and then sometimes

01:58:08.540 those people

01:58:09.020 kind of leave

01:58:09.800 you know

01:58:10.200 right

01:58:10.500 if you grew up

01:58:11.260 with someone

01:58:11.560 from the age

01:58:12.180 of four

01:58:13.140 and you still

01:58:13.780 know them

01:58:14.280 I almost feel

01:58:15.160 like they feel

01:58:15.640 more like a cousin

01:58:16.440 than just a friend

01:58:18.440 yeah

01:58:18.820 yeah

01:58:19.340 that's kind of cool

01:58:19.900 tell them like

01:58:20.360 you've been upgraded

01:58:20.960 to cuz

01:58:21.500 yeah

01:58:21.720 they get like a

01:58:22.580 like a text

01:58:23.480 an automatic text

01:58:24.460 um

01:58:27.540 yeah what was I

01:58:29.000 gonna ask

01:58:29.340 what is this about

01:58:29.940 oh yeah

01:58:30.320 the weed thing

01:58:31.700 Is this yours?

01:58:39.400 No, I'm...

01:58:40.000 Your mother said she found it in your closet.

01:58:42.480 I don't know, one of the guys must have...

01:58:43.940 Must have what?

01:58:45.560 Look, Dad, it's my...

01:58:46.260 Where did you get it?

01:58:47.900 Dad, I...

01:58:48.320 Answer me!

01:58:49.640 Who taught you how to do this stuff?

01:58:52.520 You, all right?

01:58:54.740 I learned it by watching you.

01:58:57.220 Parents who use drugs have children who use drugs.

01:59:01.700 And to think years later, our own country would be forcing us into drug use, you know, and profiting off of it.

01:59:12.700 Like, just kind of crazy.

01:59:13.720 Yeah, it's got to be in a pill form, though.

01:59:15.160 It's got to bottle it up.

01:59:16.840 But, dude, that was crazy.

01:59:18.180 That was hard hitting.

01:59:19.160 Yeah, back in the day.

01:59:20.100 Or when they had the thing in your high school.

01:59:21.560 Remember when they had the don't die like this?

01:59:24.560 And it would be like, they always did it around Halloween because they had extra blood in the area or whatever.

01:59:30.120 and they would

01:59:31.220 somebody like hanging out of a burning car

01:59:34.200 and they'd set the back of the car on fire and it would all

01:59:36.060 happen like out on the football field and you'd have to go watch it

01:59:38.300 yeah just sort of like a scared

01:59:40.100 straight they would make an accident scene

01:59:42.260 and be like this could be you

01:59:44.120 it's kind of gruesome

01:59:45.880 we probably shouldn't have been seeing that that young

01:59:48.000 of course not

01:59:49.400 it was crazy

01:59:50.780 and then they'd always hide a bag of coke on a kid or something 0.98

01:59:53.980 and let that drug dog go find it 0.99

01:59:55.480 and people were like oh shit William got coke 0.99

01:59:58.040 on him and then for the rest of his 1.00

02:00:00.100 life, people would be like, damn, William got coke on him, 1.00

02:00:02.180 bro. Yeah, just to make an example out of a kid 0.99

02:00:04.140 even though he never did it.

02:00:05.640 He'd just ruin his life. You don't want to be like

02:00:08.080 Daniel, huh? I know, Daniel got that

02:00:10.040 bait. It's so sad watching these

02:00:12.080 videos because our childhood

02:00:14.140 is in 360p.

02:00:15.900 That was two pixels. I know. That was just

02:00:18.060 two blocks. It's so sad

02:00:20.340 if you're dating a younger chick or whatever,

02:00:22.060 you go, oh, check out these highlights of

02:00:23.920 Sean Kemp dunking and it's

02:00:26.160 360p. It's so grainy.

02:00:28.260 our childhood isn't in high def

02:00:31.140 like these kids today

02:00:32.340 but it was clear to us back then that's what's crazy bro

02:00:35.260 I feel like it was just hard

02:00:37.080 to get the fidelity of

02:00:38.400 it didn't look this bad back then did it

02:00:40.340 it had to have what do you think happened

02:00:42.700 VHS isn't great

02:00:44.440 but I feel like it's better than

02:00:46.360 I think broadcast TV is a higher resolution

02:00:49.160 and they couldn't translate it to digital

02:00:51.280 yeah

02:00:51.920 your new special

02:00:55.480 that's coming out

02:00:56.160 Intrusive Thought

02:00:58.180 truce of thoughts yeah this is your third special it's my fourth i think okay that's my fourth

02:01:03.040 special yeah damn well i'm at the point now where you kind of tour for a year and then you got to

02:01:09.140 hang the painting somewhere you kind of get it tight from city to city and then you gotta i'm 0.90

02:01:15.820 done with these jokes yeah you gotta film it and then put it out there and then move on so it's

02:01:20.700 less about putting a special out and like i'm huge that used to be the thing back in the day

02:01:25.300 Yeah, it made you feel some type of way.

02:01:26.700 Now it's almost just like closing the diary.

02:01:29.360 It's a picture.

02:01:29.920 It's a stand-up picture.

02:01:30.920 This was me for the past year when I was on tour.

02:01:33.520 Here are the jokes.

02:01:34.780 Because everything is so clip-based.

02:01:36.340 Because everything is, sorry, can I fix this? 0.99

02:01:38.100 I'm garbling the shit. 0.98

02:01:39.280 Yeah, dude, you're fine. 1.00

02:01:39.920 Also, everybody's retarded. 1.00

02:01:41.180 Thank you. 0.96

02:01:42.040 The fact you've put together 11 sentences is way better than most of us in the world are doing, dude.

02:01:49.020 Because everything is so clip-based, and that's great.

02:01:52.140 but it's nice to show that you can do a cohesive 45 to an hour it's sort of the difference between

02:01:59.660 breaking a vase into a million pieces but i'd like to see the whole vase this is what i was

02:02:04.120 doing on the road here it is and hopefully people like it i want them to watch it but now i get to

02:02:08.880 move on and that's kind of nice you just dump all those jokes from your head and then who am i now

02:02:13.080 and let's talk about that yeah dude intrusive thoughts that's awesome and where can people

02:02:18.820 watch it right now

02:02:19.720 is it going to be

02:02:20.660 on YouTube

02:02:20.960 yeah it'll be

02:02:21.460 on my YouTube channel

02:02:22.240 and will people

02:02:22.680 be able to pay

02:02:23.240 there for it too

02:02:24.040 if they want

02:02:24.780 you know

02:02:25.200 but honestly

02:02:25.720 just a super thanks

02:02:26.680 a thumbs up

02:02:27.380 comment

02:02:28.120 share it with a friend

02:02:28.900 I just want people

02:02:29.940 to see it

02:02:30.480 that'd be the best

02:02:31.520 awesome dude

02:02:32.680 yeah send me a

02:02:33.260 clip that you really

02:02:34.700 like or something

02:02:35.260 that you want

02:02:35.660 or if there's

02:02:36.500 someone that I can

02:02:37.020 help reshare

02:02:37.800 or something

02:02:38.080 or if there's

02:02:38.380 some stuff

02:02:38.700 on TikTok

02:02:39.060 let me know

02:02:39.700 okay

02:02:40.000 yeah definitely

02:02:41.220 don't

02:02:42.180 you will

02:02:42.800 will you let me know

02:02:43.700 yeah I'll let you know

02:02:44.480 yeah

02:02:45.000 and thanks for being

02:02:46.560 so supportive man

02:02:47.320 like taking me on the road

02:02:48.240 having me on this pod to get the word out on the special it means a lot to me man oh thanks dude

02:02:53.280 i appreciate it man um i have one other question i want to ask you like i feel like in my lifetime

02:02:59.200 like a lot of people that are from the middle east have gotten like a bad rap like in or they've

02:03:04.880 gotten negatively possibly negatively like branded by um media kind of when i say that does that

02:03:15.520 because you always hear stuff like um you know these people are jihadists or these people are

02:03:20.820 like even the term muslim to some people makes it seem like that that person is like a person

02:03:24.940 with a bomb or like um do you think that that's a real thing that's happened um and then uh

02:03:33.160 and then what can you say like about like people from that like do you think people from some of

02:03:38.840 those areas like hate america or like maybe don't have to go that far but just like can you take me

02:03:43.180 If I say that kind of stuff, does it make you think anything?

02:03:46.280 I mean, you're not far off in terms of the branding of Muslims over the past couple of years, especially post 9-11.

02:03:53.520 You felt it if you were that.

02:03:55.080 Yeah, y'all took the L for that, huh?

02:03:56.540 Yeah, for a while.

02:03:57.460 Did y'all do it?

02:03:58.480 I think we took the L. 1.00

02:04:00.200 Inadvertently, just Muslims in America. 1.00

02:04:02.120 But did you guys do it, do you think? 1.00

02:04:04.960 Sorry.

02:04:06.080 That'd be funny.

02:04:06.840 This whole podcast is leading up to, did you do 9-11?

02:04:10.560 I'm like, yo, you know me.

02:04:11.540 You brought me up at the store

02:04:13.320 You know I didn't do 9-11, Theo

02:04:16.120 You're right, my bad, dude

02:04:17.840 This has just been like a honey trap the whole time

02:04:19.760 Just to get to this

02:04:21.200 Yeah, sorry, dude 1.00

02:04:22.720 I gave Candace my remote control 1.00

02:04:25.460 She's got me today

02:04:26.380 No, no, but what is that like

02:04:29.540 Just like, even having any 0.83

02:04:31.600 Your parents are from the Middle East 1.00

02:04:33.440 Your parents are from Afghanistan

02:04:34.660 What is that like

02:04:36.620 I don't know

02:04:38.120 I mean, I had this joke about it back in the day

02:04:40.580 Because how can we change it if it's not true?

02:04:42.360 Like if some of that's like, I don't know.

02:04:43.920 I feel like it's not, I don't know.

02:04:46.340 I think it is changing with the internet and social media.

02:04:49.260 You can't paint people with these broad strokes

02:04:51.760 that you used to back in the day

02:04:53.060 because there was only certain channels

02:04:55.360 that you can get information from

02:04:56.720 and it can be controlled very easily.

02:04:58.680 And people would just buy into a narrative

02:05:00.280 that like, be scared of Muslims,

02:05:02.440 be scared of Latinos, be scared of, 0.98

02:05:04.940 but then there's TikTok and there's all these,

02:05:07.020 there's so much information now

02:05:08.060 that people can form their own opinions.

02:05:09.640 but yeah it was dicey for a while because every time there was a you know nine post 9 11 the

02:05:16.620 temperature was if you happen to be that you you felt it you know when i would fly i would be

02:05:22.180 secondary search and i grew up a boy meets world in tgif i'm just as american i watched uh saved

02:05:29.920 by the bell but you just happen to look a certain way or and there's nothing you could do about it

02:05:36.160 I always say

02:05:37.960 I used to have this joke where it's 1.00

02:05:39.500 being a minority is kind of like 1.00

02:05:41.480 having an away jersey you can never take off

02:05:43.860 that's kind of what it feels like

02:05:47.480 because I'm sure people

02:05:49.460 Americans, white Americans have been to

02:05:51.500 say you're a Rams fan

02:05:53.440 and then you go to

02:05:55.720 I don't know who their rival is

02:05:57.900 probably Seahawks

02:05:58.660 then you go to a Seahawks game

02:06:00.540 in your Rams jersey, you're going to get some flack

02:06:03.280 but you're still you

02:06:05.220 you're still Doug

02:06:06.080 you're a nice guy

02:06:06.700 you're Doug from accounting

02:06:07.640 and they're spitting on you

02:06:09.360 and you go

02:06:10.020 nah

02:06:10.400 I just happen to be

02:06:11.940 wearing this

02:06:12.500 I can't take it off

02:06:13.600 it's bolted on

02:06:14.400 it should be a Saw movie

02:06:17.340 just

02:06:17.720 you can't take

02:06:18.760 the Rams jersey off

02:06:19.900 at your rival team

02:06:21.340 and they just 0.99

02:06:21.740 beat the shit out of you 1.00

02:06:22.780 so you're just a human 1.00

02:06:26.020 and a pure soul

02:06:27.380 and all that

02:06:27.820 but you happen to have

02:06:28.540 this coating

02:06:29.080 that gets taken

02:06:30.120 a certain way

02:06:30.820 so I don't know

02:06:32.160 maybe that's

02:06:33.040 how I perceive it

02:06:34.300 yeah

02:06:35.120 Yeah, I think I'm just curious about that sometimes.

02:06:37.380 And then, yeah, does it feel like the media made it,

02:06:40.200 like these people are bad people kind of?

02:06:42.920 It's definitely a tool.

02:06:44.400 I think it's leverage for some agenda sometimes.

02:06:48.120 But I don't automatically just knee-jerk go to that.

02:06:51.700 Yeah.

02:06:52.220 Yeah, you're right.

02:06:52.660 I think people are generally pretty nice people.

02:06:56.260 Yeah, for sure.

02:06:58.080 I'm just kind of curious because sometimes you start to think,

02:07:01.080 I think you look back at the world or your lifetime,

02:07:03.120 And you're like, what things are like, did we land on the moon?

02:07:06.380 What things really happened?

02:07:07.700 I think a lot of people are in like a serious, the most space I've ever seen in my life. 0.99

02:07:11.740 Like people are coming up to me and like movie theaters and shit and fucking like asking 0.99

02:07:15.860 me about shit about fucking Nepal or like Tibet or whatever. 0.99

02:07:20.800 It's like, well, we all have to be experts now. 1.00

02:07:24.280 It's great.

02:07:24.680 There's just so much information.

02:07:25.580 And then we're learning.

02:07:26.920 We've been lied to in so many instances.

02:07:30.000 And then you go, if you'll go down a rabbit hole.

02:07:32.260 Right, it's like, if this, then that's the thing.

02:07:33.940 If this, then what?

02:07:34.220 And then you keep on, you see this tweet,

02:07:36.340 you see this video, you see this TikTok, 0.55

02:07:38.540 and then the Epstein stuff is still going,

02:07:40.240 and then Allbirds going AI,

02:07:42.980 and then this shorting the stock and all that stuff,

02:07:47.640 what's going on, these timed things with the stock market,

02:07:51.620 your brain gets overloaded.

02:07:53.740 There's so much, how can I know?

02:07:55.900 These get paralyzed, but.

02:07:57.400 Yeah, and then you try to calm down, 0.99

02:07:59.480 and then you fucking, it's hard to get away 0.97

02:08:00.700 from the intrusive thoughts, dude. 0.99

02:08:02.740 It's true, man.

02:08:03.480 Wow, full circle.

02:08:04.720 Full circle.

02:08:07.720 Fahim, dude, thanks so much, bro.

02:08:10.020 Yeah, I hope you just continue to obviously

02:08:11.780 do what you were obviously built to do, bro.

02:08:15.300 There's nobody that does it like you.

02:08:17.540 Yeah, I hope people love the new special

02:08:18.960 intrusive thoughts,

02:08:19.800 and we'll make sure to share stuff about it.

02:08:21.460 And yeah, just thanks for your patience, dude.

02:08:22.740 I appreciate it.

02:08:23.300 Oh, of course, man.

02:08:24.000 Yeah, anytime.

02:08:24.880 Thank you for having me.

02:08:25.800 I'm glad we got to do it.

02:08:26.440 This is fun, dude.

02:08:27.060 Sorry if I talked about too much serious.

02:08:28.480 No, not at all.

02:08:29.160 you know

02:08:30.160 just trying to be alive

02:08:31.500 for sure

02:08:32.220 doing our best

02:08:32.940 you know

02:08:33.340 yeah

02:08:33.640 while they let us bro 0.88

02:08:34.920 BLM dude

02:08:36.660 now I'm just 0.99

02:08:39.360 floating on the breeze

02:08:40.980 and I feel

02:08:41.760 I'm falling

02:08:42.560 like these leaves

02:08:43.920 I must be

02:08:44.980 cornerstone

02:08:47.240 oh

02:08:49.860 but when I reach

02:08:51.040 that ground

02:08:51.800 I'll share this

02:08:52.840 peace of mind

02:08:53.960 I found

02:08:54.620 I can feel it

02:08:56.020 in my bones

02:08:58.120 But it's gonna tell you

This Past Weekend with Theo Von - April 30, 2026

#656 - Fahim Anwar

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