This Past Weekend with Theo Von - July 17, 2017


7-17-17： Disneyworld, Nationalism, Infidelity, & Cat recipes ｜ This Past Weekend #33


Episode Stats

Length

57 minutes

Words per Minute

183.57092

Word Count

10,594

Sentence Count

772

Misogynist Sentences

35

Hate Speech Sentences

41


Summary

In this episode of This Past Weekend, Theo talks about his weekend trip to Disney World and the LSD he took along the way. He also talks about a wild bus ride he went on when he was in high school.


Transcript

00:00:00.560 This Past Weekend
00:00:02.300 Alright, alright, check, check. Are we cruising?
00:00:08.340 Okay, we're cruising right there. Let's get going right here.
00:00:14.020 It is Monday, July 17th, and welcome to This Past Weekend.
00:00:21.040 I'm Theo Vaughn. I appreciate you guys joining me.
00:00:24.640 I'm in Orlando. I'm in Orlando, Florida.
00:00:30.000 I know the audio is kind of bad in here. I had to set up shop next to this sink in one of those loud refrigerators.
00:00:37.640 You know, I think a lot of these mid-level hotels they put in, the refrigerator in the room, it never keeps anything cold.
00:00:47.920 It basically is just something loud in the corner.
00:00:52.340 It's almost like a pet. It's like having a grandparent that has dementia.
00:00:58.300 But that has like adult asthma, you know, or that kind of snores a little while they sleep.
00:01:05.640 And that it's always, you know, those, they're always just, it's just too much, man.
00:01:13.320 It's always just, it's like a rattle.
00:01:16.060 Like the thing always just sort of rattles a little bit.
00:01:18.780 Like, it'll just kind of click on.
00:01:22.880 Even though it's on all the time, every now and then, the refrigerator just sounds like it just cuts.
00:01:28.240 Like, ha ha ha!
00:01:29.640 Like somebody startled it or something, you know?
00:01:32.260 Like somebody just tried to shove something up its freezer section.
00:01:36.020 I don't know.
00:01:39.000 I'm in Orlando, man.
00:01:40.160 It's late.
00:01:40.940 I had a long day.
00:01:42.460 I'm about to get into it.
00:01:44.720 But I want to thank you guys for joining me.
00:01:46.740 I hope you had a good weekend.
00:01:48.440 You know, I think a lot of people are still enjoying some of that 4th of July-ness and, you know, a little bit of that aftermath of Labor Day and vacation time.
00:01:57.480 And I went to Disney World, man.
00:02:00.780 I went to Disney World this weekend.
00:02:02.220 That's probably the biggest thing that I did.
00:02:03.380 I was down here at the Orlando Improv and I went to Disney World.
00:02:09.360 And I don't know if you've been down to Disney, but I have before.
00:02:12.260 I went twice.
00:02:13.040 I went once as a child.
00:02:15.200 My mother saved up some money, I'm sure, and took my brother and I to Disney World.
00:02:20.560 My father didn't go.
00:02:21.680 He was probably 75 at the time and he stayed at home.
00:02:27.080 And our mom took us.
00:02:27.980 And I only have a few maybe vague recollections from that, just still images in my head.
00:02:36.820 But I went to Disney World when I was in high school.
00:02:43.320 And we took acid.
00:02:44.540 We took some LSD.
00:02:45.800 Now, this was a time when people were experimenting with drugs, which is all the time in America.
00:02:51.740 You know, if you've ever been around or opened your eyes in America, you'll see people on drugs.
00:02:56.960 And we went there.
00:02:59.240 We took a bus from Louisiana over to Orlando, Florida, here where I am right now.
00:03:05.400 And we stayed in some shit motel.
00:03:07.980 And it was a school-organized trip.
00:03:10.940 And they brought us down.
00:03:12.640 And I remember on the bus, I'd been seeing a gal at the time in high school.
00:03:16.800 And I remember we're making love on the bus.
00:03:18.920 I remember that, you know, getting in the middle of the night.
00:03:23.580 I remember, you know, her, you know, just escalating her body on top of me and making love.
00:03:30.940 And really making that joy, adding more joy to that bus ride than usual bus rides.
00:03:36.040 Because I've been on some other bus rides.
00:03:38.020 And I'm happy to talk about those.
00:03:40.160 And I would like to just, while I'm thinking about it, let's make that the topic for next week.
00:03:43.700 If you have been on a wild bus ride, I'm talking Greyhound or a bus adventure of some sort, Peter Pan, you know, one of those troubled bus lines.
00:03:53.880 And if you've had a wild experience, you can hit the hotline and let me know about that.
00:03:57.720 And we'll try to drop some of those in for next week.
00:03:59.740 That number is 985-664-9503.
00:04:05.240 Now back to your regularly scheduled programming.
00:04:08.220 So, we got down to Orlando and somebody had some acid.
00:04:12.280 And so, we took some acid, you know, a little bit of LSD.
00:04:16.140 And I remember, if something was in this LSD, it made everybody look Asian.
00:04:22.140 You know, if I don't know if we, you know, if the guy who had gotten it had copped it off of a, you know, an Asian guy or a Viet or, you know, a Cambo, a Cambodian.
00:04:32.780 They call them Cambos, a lot of people.
00:04:35.940 But we had that Vietnamese acid or whatever it was, a Cambo acid.
00:04:40.740 And I remember, everybody I looked at looked Asian, you know.
00:04:45.280 And I got thin eyes, so game recognized game.
00:04:48.740 But when I'm on that acid, and everybody's, it just made everybody look Asian.
00:04:53.480 So, we came there, and it was like graduation night.
00:04:56.800 And all of my high school buddies, probably about eight or nine people on acid, and didn't tell the rest of the class.
00:05:02.340 And we're just running around.
00:05:03.740 Running around, it's a small world.
00:05:07.720 We probably went on that about nine times.
00:05:09.480 Some kid kept drinking the water out of Pirates of the Caribbean, and he got sick.
00:05:13.520 He drank probably about two gallons of it.
00:05:15.760 And he got pretty sick.
00:05:17.360 But we just spent the whole night on acid, running around and doing the different rides and being scared of each other and being scared of ourselves and hiding in the bathroom.
00:05:26.120 And like six of us tried to split a hamburger.
00:05:29.660 That's how geeked out we were and couldn't even do it, couldn't even eat it.
00:05:35.100 But that was a good time, and that was part of high school, you know.
00:05:37.880 But that was the last time I'd been to Disney World.
00:05:41.600 And that was only one of two senior trips.
00:05:43.820 Now, we'd taken another senior trip to Mexico.
00:05:46.200 Mexico, you know, one of the larger countries, South of America.
00:05:50.900 And we got down there, and everybody, I remember, bought a bunch of prescription pills and was doing, was stealing each other's stuff.
00:06:02.000 I mean, it wasn't but a couple of, probably nine hours we were down there in Cancun and half the class, and this was a senior trip in high school.
00:06:10.660 Half the class was, you know, hopped up on prescription pills and stealing each other's luggage and selling each other's shit on the streets and, you know, getting, stealing each other's whatever it was at the time.
00:06:25.340 We didn't have cell phones.
00:06:26.240 We had those calculators, TI-85s, those fancy, you know, U-laters.
00:06:30.980 And we were, you know, those number crunchers, you know, that do the, they do algebra.
00:06:36.080 And we were stealing those and selling them and buying more pills.
00:06:38.920 And, I mean, for a group of 17 or 18, 19-year-olds, it only took us about 12 hours to go completely AWOL and half of us be addicted to painkillers and out there selling each other's goods and different type of textiles and wares.
00:06:57.420 So that got bad, and then everybody's fighting.
00:06:59.820 And half of us were sharing a room, and I remember we were stealing stuff from each other and hiding it in the same room we were in.
00:07:09.760 So that right there will tell you what some prescription pills will do to you, you know.
00:07:15.060 So that's one thing you need to stay off of.
00:07:18.820 But anyhow, that was, and a lot more happened on that trip.
00:07:21.740 But that was some of those high school trips, and one of those was to Disney, Disney Town, Florida.
00:07:26.320 And I'm here this weekend in Orlando, Florida.
00:07:29.220 And some lovely ladies, Miss Suzanne and Megan, they just hit me up, actually on the hotline.
00:07:36.180 And they said, Theo, we would love to take you to Disney World.
00:07:40.280 And I said, I would love to go.
00:07:43.160 And Jiggy, he's a comedian as well.
00:07:45.120 His name is Jiggy, and he's a white guy.
00:07:46.780 Because you'd think Jiggy, you know, you'd think it's more of a urban hip-hop name, you know.
00:07:52.800 Jiggy!
00:07:54.560 But it's not.
00:07:55.340 It's a white Jiggy.
00:07:57.060 And he's a very funny comedian.
00:07:59.720 He tours with the Impractical Jokers, and he's a great guy.
00:08:03.020 No ego on this young man.
00:08:04.700 Really great guy.
00:08:05.380 But he came along with us as well.
00:08:07.540 And he met some little bird the night before she came.
00:08:10.200 So we got a motley crew out there at the, out there at the,
00:08:15.120 and his friend Giovanna came as well.
00:08:17.660 So we had a great little crew out there at Disney World.
00:08:20.920 We got there early, out of the gate.
00:08:23.120 I was up at 8 a.m., did not want to be awake.
00:08:26.320 Did not want to go see the mouse.
00:08:28.940 But we got there.
00:08:30.480 And it was a great time, man.
00:08:31.780 We got a little bit of sun.
00:08:34.800 You get there, and you park, and then you get on the tram.
00:08:37.680 And it seemed a lot more like a theme park than it did like a magical kingdom.
00:08:43.900 That's where we went.
00:08:44.600 We went to Magic Kingdom.
00:08:45.840 But when I was young, I remember, even in high school, it seemed like,
00:08:49.760 wow, Disney World, you know.
00:08:52.180 But as an adult now, it seemed a little bit more just like a theme park.
00:08:56.120 You know, like, okay, it's, you know, you get, you go on the rides,
00:08:59.840 you wait in the lines.
00:09:00.880 It's not as, more of the magic was for the youth, I found.
00:09:05.300 But it was very picturesque.
00:09:08.180 You know, they had the castle.
00:09:09.260 I mean, it's 100 degrees.
00:09:10.720 You got the little gerbils out there, chipmunks, you know,
00:09:14.200 Alvin and Simon and the, or whoever they are.
00:09:16.720 And they're out there, you know, just sweating.
00:09:19.320 I mean, you could just see their fur just drenching up at the paws and at the elbows
00:09:23.380 from the sweat.
00:09:25.260 And they didn't even have a lot of, you know,
00:09:27.260 Alice in Wonderland was out there.
00:09:28.680 But she looked, man, she looked like she'd been through some things, you know,
00:09:32.740 like she'd been living in Reno for a little bit.
00:09:36.000 But we got there and you get on the tram and they take you,
00:09:39.240 first of all, they take you right past where the little baby got eaten by the alligator.
00:09:44.000 We fought the alligator.
00:09:46.280 And I used to have dreams a lot of times when I was younger where babies would be fighting animals.
00:09:52.200 And so it's hard for me to not say,
00:09:54.140 it's hard for me to say I haven't seen animals and babies fight each other because I have.
00:10:00.620 You know, I haven't seen it live.
00:10:02.880 You know, I don't even think, I don't even know if you can see that even in Mexico or in maybe Russia.
00:10:07.420 I bet you could probably still see some of that, that type of, you know, gambling activity and such.
00:10:13.380 But in my dreams, I've seen it often.
00:10:16.660 I remember they had a tournament one time over about a week and a half when I was sleeping.
00:10:21.500 Not consecutive sleeping, but in the evenings, you know, rest and catch and rest.
00:10:26.680 And I would have these different dreams of different babies and animals in this big tournament
00:10:30.940 and fighting each other and fighting each other off.
00:10:35.060 And then, you know, it kept narrowing down and narrowing down until you had one animal that won.
00:10:42.980 And that animal was a, I want to say it was a lynx, I believe.
00:10:51.040 Large cat, dark kind of looking, black cat.
00:10:54.540 But not a black cat like you see just on your street or on a side street.
00:10:59.160 A black cat you have to really get into the woods to see, you know.
00:11:02.880 Kind of like the evil black cat in Jungle Book, something like that.
00:11:05.540 But it beat a pretty strong baby in the last kind of dream that I'd had.
00:11:12.080 But anyhow, I'm getting tangential here.
00:11:15.620 But let me tell you this.
00:11:16.640 So you drive right past the place where that baby fought that alligator and lost.
00:11:21.180 And so that's a little crazy out of the gate because you haven't even gotten to the magic.
00:11:25.880 And then you got this, I mean, you literally go right over the beach.
00:11:29.380 We've all seen the pictures of the beach and the, you know, the roped off area where, you know, the alligator just snatched up that baby.
00:11:37.440 And so that's wild because you've just seen that and you get there.
00:11:42.100 And then you get to the park and you go in and you see the magic castle.
00:11:48.780 And a friend of mine, one of the friends that went with us, this young lady, Gio, she was telling us that they, there's a whole underground city there at Disney.
00:12:02.160 And I'm like, wow, you know, this is very much like Vietnam, you know, when you think about it.
00:12:09.980 Because, you know, the Vietnamese, they would really, they had these, the Coo Chi tunnels.
00:12:15.900 And if you're not familiar, you can look that up and that's spelled C-U-C-H-I, I think separate words.
00:12:22.780 But the Coo Chi tunnels where the Vietnamese would hide in the ground and then just poke you out with, with, you know, bamboo spikes up through the ground and surprise you and kill you.
00:12:37.640 And, but Disney's not like that.
00:12:39.720 You know, they're trying to show you joy, but they have a whole underground city apparently where the, you know,
00:12:45.080 the Disney Vietnamese, if you will, are down there just subbing out chipmunks and subbing out, you know,
00:12:52.020 dancing raccoons and wild animals or, you know, Winnie the Pooh, whoever their characters are that are on the lot that day that are, you know,
00:12:59.260 up there rocking, you know, regular ground.
00:13:03.400 They got it where you're, where they're subbing each other out and kind of piping each other in and out.
00:13:07.540 So it was pretty, it was just crazy to just even hear that.
00:13:10.500 And then you'd see some of the activity.
00:13:12.940 You'd see like somebody, you know, you'd see like, oh, oh, this crazy walrus from, you know, from the walrus movie.
00:13:21.380 He'll disappear around a building and then you'd see another walrus come out and he'd be like maybe just a two inches taller.
00:13:28.700 You know, he'd be like, oh, look at that walrus.
00:13:31.080 You know, I know he didn't just grow behind that building.
00:13:34.900 So, you know, it was just interesting to start to see some of the inner workings of it.
00:13:38.780 You know, if you really, as an adult, you're able to take a, you know, you're not as mesmerized by the childhood enamorations of it all.
00:13:47.320 And you were able to, you're able to actually see some other stuff that's going on.
00:13:52.880 So I thought that was really, really captivating to me just to be able to have that experience of, of, of seeing Disney from a more adult standpoint.
00:14:03.180 What else do we do there?
00:14:04.740 Um, saw a lot of male ponytails and I know that's a Florida thing.
00:14:09.340 Uh, and I don't like it, you know, they have the man bun and honestly, I think the man bun looks kind of handsome.
00:14:16.700 You know, you see some fellows with it.
00:14:19.940 Um, but that male, the male ponytail, that's that.
00:14:24.880 It's just gutter, you know, it is gutter.
00:14:28.360 And it really, a lot of men, if they have that, they got issues, you know, this is actually Jiggy calling on my puck.
00:14:34.200 He's calling right now.
00:14:34.900 I got to take it because I got to see if he's going to bring me some food.
00:14:37.420 Hey, bud.
00:14:38.040 Hey, are you, uh, back at the hotel?
00:14:40.900 Yeah, I'm back at the hotel, man.
00:14:41.980 I'm just doing my podcast right now.
00:14:44.980 Oh, my bad.
00:14:45.820 I was just going to bring you something to eat.
00:14:47.300 Um, you want like a salad or a sandwich?
00:14:49.260 I'll take a sandwich.
00:14:50.200 Just anything you run across over there will be good.
00:14:53.340 Fine, man.
00:14:53.900 I'll see you in a few minutes.
00:14:54.520 What's your room number?
00:14:55.420 My room number is 523.
00:15:00.000 523.
00:15:00.520 I'll see you soon, man.
00:15:01.140 Where are you, where are you at?
00:15:03.600 I'm almost back.
00:15:04.620 Okay, cool, man.
00:15:05.200 I'll see you in a little bit.
00:15:06.700 Thank you.
00:15:07.120 Bye.
00:15:08.040 All right, sorry about that, man.
00:15:09.320 Got me a little sandwich coming.
00:15:10.460 It's, uh, midnight here.
00:15:12.620 And, um, we're catching a 5, uh, 5, uh, no, 7, 7 a.m. flight.
00:15:18.380 But we're going to leave at 5.15.
00:15:19.780 So, it's going to be that kind of night.
00:15:23.420 Um, what else?
00:15:25.040 So, yeah, Disney was wild, man.
00:15:26.160 We had a great time.
00:15:26.800 Went on a few of the rides.
00:15:27.840 And it's, you know, the rides aren't to scare you.
00:15:29.780 The rides are to make you feel joy.
00:15:32.100 Um, and it did take me back some of it to being a kid.
00:15:34.900 The Haunted Mansion and just seeing, like,
00:15:36.980 you, I wasn't really looking at the rides as thinking, well, what, what does this look
00:15:44.000 like to me, this experience?
00:15:45.720 I was more as an adult.
00:15:47.220 I was trying to think back.
00:15:50.660 I was, I found myself trying to feel like a child.
00:15:54.240 I found myself trying to, like, look out at the rides and be like, wow, I wonder what
00:16:00.380 this was like when I was a kid.
00:16:02.440 Or I wonder what a kid would be thinking right now if they saw this.
00:16:08.180 So, it's interesting.
00:16:09.440 It's, um, it's a great place to be a kid, man.
00:16:12.480 It's a great place to kind of reconnect with some of that or to connect with some of that
00:16:17.060 at all.
00:16:17.880 Because it's just built so much, I believe, around the mindset of, um, you know, of wowing
00:16:24.340 children.
00:16:25.420 So, anyway, that was, that was fascinating, man.
00:16:27.620 We had, we really had a great time.
00:16:29.040 And I just want to thank, uh, the young ladies that took us.
00:16:32.780 Uh, one of them, his husband is a fireman.
00:16:35.220 And he got us some passes.
00:16:37.160 Uh, so thank you, Ryan.
00:16:38.540 I know that's the man's name.
00:16:39.520 He didn't even come.
00:16:40.320 So, we actually, he lent us his wife for the afternoon.
00:16:43.920 Uh, and that was kind to him.
00:16:45.900 So, thank you very much.
00:16:46.940 We had a good time.
00:16:48.240 Uh, we had a really good time.
00:16:49.700 It was, it was just a, it was a blast, man.
00:16:51.660 And they had some fast passes.
00:16:53.000 So, some of the rides we could, you know, get in the quicker line.
00:16:56.860 And, uh, it went a blast.
00:16:58.340 So, thank you very much.
00:17:00.200 Outside of that, I went and saw an old friend.
00:17:01.980 I had a friend that I hadn't seen in 20 years that lived here in Orlando.
00:17:07.760 And I went and saw him.
00:17:10.080 And, it's interesting to see an old friend because they have pieces of your life that you forgot.
00:17:15.400 You know, they have different pieces of the story.
00:17:18.280 Um, they have different elements.
00:17:20.640 And we really shared some stories.
00:17:22.240 And I'm going to get into some of those.
00:17:23.900 Um, I'll get into some of those next week.
00:17:26.160 Just some more stories from home and stuff.
00:17:28.360 But, uh, but that was interesting.
00:17:30.080 Just to rekindle, just kind of that, that, that vibe and that environment.
00:17:34.400 And, and he had a buddy over there.
00:17:36.260 We're making a brisket, right?
00:17:37.480 He had a buddy from, um, I think his friend was from Israel or England.
00:17:43.740 So, he had a buddy over making a brisket.
00:17:46.540 And so, I get over there.
00:17:47.660 I'm thinking, you know, we'll eat in a little while.
00:17:50.800 You know, I got over there at probably 1.
00:17:52.660 I'm thinking we'll eat probably 2.30.
00:17:54.920 Well, about 3.45, I'm like, damn, dude, I'm hungry, you know.
00:18:00.420 Like, if you invite somebody over for some brisket, you probably need to have some brisket at some point.
00:18:08.780 You know, and I don't mean to get angry.
00:18:10.180 But you need to do what you say you're going to do when it comes to feeding people.
00:18:14.880 Because people are hungry.
00:18:17.200 And if they don't eat, they'll die.
00:18:19.580 It's different if I say, come over, I'll lend you a pair of shoes, and I don't.
00:18:24.280 That's fine.
00:18:25.600 You got other shoes.
00:18:26.460 You got skin on your feet.
00:18:28.360 You know?
00:18:29.500 You're not, your body's not going to just fall out of the bottom of your legs.
00:18:32.760 You have skin on your feet that is going to hold your body together.
00:18:37.140 But if you tell somebody to eat, they're going to eat and they're not.
00:18:40.920 And this guy, nicest guy, but he kept trying to be a fancy chef.
00:18:45.580 You know?
00:18:46.540 He's like, oh, well, I'm going to, you know, I got the meat and I'm going to sweat it.
00:18:50.360 I'm going to sweat the meat, you know?
00:18:51.920 I'm going to take it off the grill and put it into an ice thing.
00:18:55.080 And then I'm going to, I'm just going to stare at it, you know?
00:18:58.880 I'm going to get in a staring contest with this meat and see who, you know, show it who's boss.
00:19:03.900 And I'm like, dude, I don't give a fuck who's boss, you know?
00:19:07.840 I don't care about this meat's work history.
00:19:11.060 You know, I don't need to see a resume.
00:19:12.640 I want to eat, bro.
00:19:14.380 And finally, after all this shit of just flipping it in the air and fucking, you know, dusting it with, you know, cumin and damn dust powder and smoke.
00:19:27.620 And this guy's like, you know, he kept pulling the fat off of it and injecting it back into it and like recycled and reused and refurbished.
00:19:37.720 And Jesus Christ reborn, born again, brisket.
00:19:41.600 I'm like, what the fuck is going on, dude?
00:19:44.980 I'm about to, the only place you need to baptize this fucking piece of meat is in my mouth, brother bear.
00:19:49.300 And so, man, some of this chefing, though, is just going too far, you know?
00:19:56.240 And you got these friends, it's like, dude, we're here to eat.
00:19:59.520 Like, we've been swimming in a pool, you know, hanging out with the children.
00:20:04.300 Everybody's having a nice time.
00:20:05.360 We got sunburn.
00:20:06.900 Just fucking eat.
00:20:08.560 You know, we're not saving the world out here, you know?
00:20:11.720 So finally, I had to get a little fiery, you know?
00:20:14.740 Not with the guy, really, but just with the overall idea of what was going on.
00:20:18.380 Because you invited me here to eat.
00:20:19.740 Guess what, buddy bear?
00:20:20.820 I'm hungry.
00:20:22.080 So let's do it.
00:20:25.200 But, nonetheless, we had a good time.
00:20:27.300 My friend came out to the show with his wife last night and it was good to catch up with an old friend, man.
00:20:31.440 Pretty, pretty, pretty good anyway.
00:20:33.160 Sometimes you invite friends and they end up, like, kind of, they end up being the loudest one at the show.
00:20:38.400 And I actually had a girl that came out this weekend and she brought some friend or something.
00:20:44.120 And, you know, this is a gal I've known from years ago.
00:20:46.040 She brought her best friend and her, that lady's husband.
00:20:49.420 And they sat and talked in the audience the whole time.
00:20:53.460 And I'm like, are you kidding me?
00:20:55.540 Like, and it always happens.
00:20:57.200 Every time you bring your friends, there's this thing that friends just feel like they're part of the show, you know?
00:21:04.360 And it's not bad sometimes, but sometimes it was, sometimes it's bad.
00:21:09.200 But, but we made the most of it.
00:21:11.680 We made it through.
00:21:12.280 Thank you, Orlando.
00:21:12.960 I had a great weekend, man.
00:21:14.140 I really did.
00:21:15.400 I really, really did.
00:21:16.360 We got some cool calls that hit the hotline.
00:21:19.260 I'm trying to think if there's anything else I wanted to go over with you guys.
00:21:21.360 I'm going to drop some quick dates on you right now.
00:21:25.300 And those dates are, I will be in San Diego this Thursday, July 20th.
00:21:32.360 And that is with Sal from Impractical Jokers and Roy Wood Jr. from The Daily Show.
00:21:40.220 And that is at the House of Blues.
00:21:41.920 Then I'll be in Montreal, Canada.
00:21:44.420 Montreal.
00:21:44.940 And that is July 27th through the 30th.
00:21:49.640 I'll be in Texas, Dallas, Texas at the Addison Improv, August 10th through the 13th.
00:21:56.120 Let's get out to that one.
00:21:57.300 Let's show some love.
00:21:58.020 That's my favorite club.
00:21:59.700 Very excited about that.
00:22:01.100 And then September 6th through the 9th, I will be in Addison, Texas.
00:22:06.620 That's where we are right now.
00:22:08.240 I might add a date in Vancouver.
00:22:09.960 I'm just not sure if people would come out to it.
00:22:13.040 If so, I'll do that next week.
00:22:14.800 We'll see.
00:22:15.680 I'm looking into that right now.
00:22:17.300 But thank you guys for your love and support.
00:22:19.080 You can get the albums right now, 30 Pound Bag of Hamster Bones and Musket Fire.
00:22:23.520 Those are both available on iTunes.
00:22:26.700 And please subscribe to the podcast.
00:22:28.400 We've got some new shirts that will be going up at the end of the week on theovon.com slash store.
00:22:35.600 And that's it, man.
00:22:36.740 I love you guys.
00:22:37.540 We've got some calls that came in, man.
00:22:39.440 Some neat stuff I wanted to get to.
00:22:43.160 So let's get into it, man.
00:22:45.040 And this is a follow-up.
00:22:46.880 This guy called in.
00:22:48.300 It was a couple weeks late, but I'm guessing he just heard the episode.
00:22:51.320 And he called in talking about America.
00:22:54.640 And then we'll move on to some different stuff.
00:22:56.220 Here we go.
00:22:58.400 All right.
00:22:59.520 Hold on.
00:23:01.120 Hey, Theo.
00:23:02.440 It's Trevor from California.
00:23:04.880 Just heard of your last dispatch weekend and wanted to give you a quick call.
00:23:09.100 Thank you for calling, Trevor.
00:23:10.760 Happy to have you calling in from California.
00:23:13.520 Let's hear it.
00:23:14.060 You were talking about what it means to be an American.
00:23:17.320 And I thought all the callers had great points.
00:23:20.060 And as always, you provided some good feedback, too.
00:23:23.180 But on kind of a, I guess, more of like a philosophical side.
00:23:27.900 And Trevor's talking about, you know, we talked about what it meant to be an American.
00:23:32.180 If it's the first time you've heard this podcast, we talked about it.
00:23:35.800 We had some callers call in just what it meant after Fourth of July, what they felt like it meant onward.
00:23:41.320 I wonder, what do you think about the point, the counterpoint, I should say, that really nationalism and any sense of I'm an American or I'm a Canadian are names for our separation as humans.
00:23:57.860 And it's a different way to label ourselves as something separate from one another.
00:24:04.640 And I can kind of tell, you know, from listening to you all this time that you're more of kind of a, and maybe I'm wrong, but you seem to be more of like a brother, universal brotherhood, you know, all one type of thinking.
00:24:15.940 So how do you square the fact that, yes, it's good to be proud to be an American, but at the same time, the more you believe, and especially psychologically and philosophically, if you really believe you are an American, that creates a them and us, or us and them sort of dynamic, which then really is the root cause of all war and conflict is.
00:24:39.060 Yeah, and I'll just pause you right there, Trevor.
00:24:41.480 I appreciate the comment.
00:24:42.440 And you know, what's funny is I've been thinking about this.
00:24:44.440 I've been thinking about this since some of the calls and since we went over that topic some, and this is kind of the other side of that coin.
00:24:52.320 You know, some of our calls and stuff were a little bit, not one-sided, but it was, those were, those are the people that called.
00:24:58.300 So those are the things that we talked about.
00:25:00.260 But this is another view, and it's a great point that Trevor makes, that if we say that, okay, I'm an American, and you're a Canadian, and you're a, you know, an Ethiopian, and you're from Siam, and you're from Mexico.
00:25:13.200 So then by having, like, pride in our country, are we separating ourself, you know?
00:25:22.880 Are we not looking at the fact to just say, hey, we're all people, and we're all here in this world.
00:25:27.460 But instead, we're saying, I'm this, and you're that.
00:25:31.440 So is having, and I'm not trying to juxtapose your point, Trevor, and I appreciate it, and you said it real clearly, but it's like, is, is that, is that bad?
00:25:41.100 And it's interesting, man, it's a great point, you know, it's like, I mean, right when I heard your call, Trevor, it really made me think.
00:25:48.900 Because I'm like, wow, yeah, like, if I'm thinking just, you know, America, America, then am I, like, immediately I'm, I'm separating myself from other places.
00:26:00.240 You know, it's, is it all about people, one, one love, you know, one everyone.
00:26:05.620 And I do, I believe in the idea of brotherhood.
00:26:08.540 I believe that it would be great if we could all live in conjunction that way.
00:26:13.640 I worry, though, that we, I, first of all, I think that if we're going to be able to do that in the world, that America is going to have to probably lead the way.
00:26:22.980 I don't know if that's true.
00:26:24.200 Maybe everyone just has to lead the way.
00:26:26.160 But I think that we seem to be looked at as a leader a lot of times.
00:26:30.700 And if, and if, and if we don't take care, all right, hold on one second, guys.
00:26:35.620 I got a Jiggy coming over to snack.
00:26:40.440 What's up, man?
00:26:41.520 Pod.
00:26:42.340 You good?
00:26:43.100 What's up, Sarah?
00:26:44.320 A little girl, uh, I'll get a flatbread for you.
00:26:46.580 Oh, really?
00:26:47.420 Yeah, I'll get a flatbread for you.
00:26:48.700 Woo, beautiful.
00:26:49.940 It's a few hours, brother.
00:26:50.640 All right, brother, be good.
00:26:51.660 Y'all be good.
00:26:54.940 Man, beautiful there.
00:26:56.280 Sorry.
00:26:57.580 My boy Jiggy, his lady is still with him.
00:27:01.320 His lady.
00:27:02.940 This little, uh, some little Betty Ruxpin that he met yesterday.
00:27:09.360 And a sweet girl, too, really cute, named Sarah.
00:27:12.220 Really nice.
00:27:13.340 And they met.
00:27:14.060 And they started holding hands right at the theme park at Disney World today, right out
00:27:19.560 of the gate.
00:27:20.900 And they met yesterday.
00:27:22.020 I don't know when they met.
00:27:22.900 I'm not assuming they slept together or anything like that.
00:27:24.900 But, you know, they probably slept close to each other in a, maybe in the same room.
00:27:29.580 I don't know.
00:27:30.160 And I guess I'm putting them on blast now.
00:27:33.100 But it just, uh, but anyhow, um, they're still together.
00:27:36.440 And they were holding hands at the theme park.
00:27:38.200 That's a wild move.
00:27:39.800 Early.
00:27:40.380 Like at 9 a.m.
00:27:41.360 We got there at 8.30.
00:27:42.640 So if you start holding hands early in the day, dude, what?
00:27:47.060 Then it's like every time your hands get near each other, you have to hold again because
00:27:50.560 you started, you started that train already.
00:27:53.440 So he's really been, um, caught up.
00:27:55.960 But she's a sweet girl and he's, uh, and he's a great dude.
00:27:58.620 Anyhow, um, so look, but yeah, that's, that's wild.
00:28:02.120 Trevor's wild to think about, you know?
00:28:03.500 Like by, by having American pride, are we separating ourself?
00:28:07.620 And I think that, that, that if we don't, that a company that, a company that does a
00:28:15.140 business that doesn't take inventory, uh, usually doesn't last long.
00:28:20.380 And that's kind of where I think we are in America.
00:28:22.720 I think we have the ability to set that example and to be that example and even to lead the
00:28:29.480 world, hopefully into that one love universal everyone environment.
00:28:36.780 But I think it's got to be done steps at a time.
00:28:42.100 Like I think we need a serious roll call in America of who's here because you don't take
00:28:47.580 inventory, you know, you're not going to be in business long.
00:28:51.180 And then what?
00:28:52.220 I mean, if we just open the borders right now, everyone would come here.
00:28:55.420 We're already really destined for an overpopulation problem in America.
00:28:58.640 I think a lot of people would come here and I think it would, it, violence would start
00:29:03.380 to happen pretty quick, you know?
00:29:06.740 I mean, I like to think that, yes, there's all good in people and that that's the way
00:29:11.980 it would end up, you know, that we would all share.
00:29:14.660 Maybe that is the way it would go.
00:29:16.780 Um, but are we going to do that?
00:29:20.980 You know, I don't know if we are, I don't know if we're just going to open and just let
00:29:25.600 everybody in the whole, whoever wants to come in, come into America.
00:29:29.600 And I know it's like, you're saying, well, it's not our America.
00:29:31.820 We're just living here.
00:29:32.680 We're just passing through time and this is our land.
00:29:35.180 Yes, I agree with that.
00:29:36.560 We are, but we have to, if we want the best to continue to be possible, then I think,
00:29:45.100 or to be possible, then I think we have to, you know, monitor the situation where we're
00:29:50.060 at and I think where we're at right now is that America needs a roll call.
00:29:54.380 You know, I wish they had a day where every, where they made everybody go out in the street
00:29:57.080 and see who your neighbor is.
00:29:59.240 See who's here.
00:30:00.160 We don't even know who's in America, you know?
00:30:03.100 And I just feel like that's, it's just kind of a scary place to be.
00:30:06.700 Um, you know, I would do some things different to start bringing people back together.
00:30:11.600 You know, we could use a bit of closeness in America, getting people back together before
00:30:15.460 we start inviting everybody into this, you know, greed, money-driven society that we
00:30:20.500 kind of have created.
00:30:22.580 You know, I wish that on Sunday nights, I wish they shut the power out.
00:30:26.720 I remember when the power was out, my family used to spend time together.
00:30:30.760 It was one of the only times that we would spend time together was when the power was
00:30:33.960 out.
00:30:34.920 Um, and there was just something about it.
00:30:37.440 It was just peaceful.
00:30:38.800 You know, somebody had to light a candle and we had to just be around each other and we
00:30:43.560 couldn't fight or anything because we were, everybody was a little bit scared and you
00:30:48.660 get this feeling like you need each other.
00:30:51.180 And, uh, and I kind of, I thought that, I think that'd be interesting if we did that
00:30:55.740 in America, if on Sunday nights, you know, after 5 PM, no more power, shut it down.
00:31:00.800 So what?
00:31:01.460 You can't do business.
00:31:02.360 You can't do whatever.
00:31:03.280 Oh, well, you can be with each other still, you know, you can spend time, you can create
00:31:08.060 some of that love.
00:31:09.240 Cause I don't know if we're really, you know, I think if you, if you just let
00:31:13.360 everybody in, you know, I think in, in a matter of a month, you'd have severe civil
00:31:20.000 unrest, you'd have the rich all hiding, um, and be able to hide and you just have straight
00:31:25.720 up anarchy in the streets, Game of Thrones style.
00:31:28.240 Uh, maybe I'm wrong.
00:31:29.800 Maybe I'm wrong, but I mean, look what happens in when there's just, uh, you know, when
00:31:35.560 there's, I was going to say like, look what happens in like a, a Katrina type environment
00:31:41.300 when people don't have what they need, you know, things escalate pretty quick.
00:31:47.320 It's not a level of let's be peaceful and figure this out.
00:31:50.660 Um, things escalate pretty quick, you know, but who, but, but I love this thought though.
00:31:55.100 It's, it's so true.
00:31:55.980 That's the other side of the coin.
00:31:57.060 It's like, is this our country?
00:31:58.940 Not really.
00:32:00.140 You know, we were just born here.
00:32:01.540 Uh, how do we manage that?
00:32:03.780 And it's an, it's an, it's an, it's a, that's an effective thought that I wish, um, uh, that
00:32:10.160 I'd like to think about more because I feel like it's, it's a good for me to think about
00:32:13.520 that.
00:32:13.800 So Trevor, I appreciate you calling in and bringing that to, uh, to my, um, just to my
00:32:19.580 brain, man, bring it to the forefront of my brain.
00:32:22.140 A little bit more from Trevor.
00:32:23.440 Let's hear a little more.
00:32:24.120 He said sauna interaction.
00:32:41.940 Now, uh, we had people last week, I asked, uh, listeners if they wanted to call and share
00:32:47.140 about if they'd ever been hit on by men or women in a sauna, if they'd had some sauna
00:32:51.880 activities or even actually here, well, let's just listen to Trevor.
00:32:55.980 They were looking for, uh, where, um, basically guys will kind of hit on you as, uh, uh, I
00:33:03.040 think you mentioned when they were sleeping though, which is kind of a different thing,
00:33:06.040 but I could certainly, uh, give you.
00:33:08.040 Yeah.
00:33:08.400 Cause some men be hitting on another man while they sleeping, you know?
00:33:11.320 And I remember falling asleep at this older man's house one time and I wake up and he
00:33:15.580 trying to be by me, you know, and I didn't really know this man that well.
00:33:21.540 And that was kind of wild.
00:33:22.760 And, and sometimes if you're in a sauna, you know, somebody is so foggy in there.
00:33:27.380 Next thing you know, you turn your head and there is somebody else's right there or somebody's
00:33:32.420 hip or thigh or, you know, that soft area behind their knee or the small of their back
00:33:37.880 is right up under your nose, you know, and things can get surprising.
00:33:41.220 So that kind of stuff happens in saunas.
00:33:43.600 Some of that detail if, uh, if that was useful, but I wanted to focus on the, uh, the nationalism
00:33:49.580 piece.
00:33:50.060 And I appreciate it, Trevor.
00:33:52.080 I appreciate you calling in the nationalism thought.
00:33:54.040 It's great, man.
00:33:54.860 It's a great thought.
00:33:55.980 You know, what if we were just able to look at the world as this is our nation instead
00:34:00.060 of like, Oh, America, you know, the world humanity.
00:34:03.900 And I think it's a beautiful idea.
00:34:05.960 I don't know if we're in a place right now where we can feasibly rely, like how do we
00:34:12.160 trust that that's going to occur if we're able to, you know, if you open up the borders,
00:34:16.460 how do you assure people that everybody's just, you know, that if it's a free-for-all
00:34:21.220 that everybody's just going to be good to one another?
00:34:24.840 You know, I don't know how that ends.
00:34:26.520 I mean, I remember if you look at even like the story in the Bible, and even if you don't
00:34:30.060 believe in the Bible, which is fine if you don't, but if you just look at it as a, as
00:34:33.900 a fable, as a, you know, as a example, you know, they had Cain and Abel, they had Adam
00:34:40.460 and Eve, Cain and Abel, four people on earth, and one of the brothers killed the other one,
00:34:45.580 you know, Cain killed Abel, I believe.
00:34:47.820 So at one point, you had four people, and one of them killed another person.
00:34:56.020 That's four people.
00:34:58.280 So at one point, you only have four people, one of them's a murderer, you know, like,
00:35:03.480 that's risky, bro, that's risky.
00:35:05.760 And that's a buddy of mine, Matt Knutson, has a great joke about that, and that idea is
00:35:11.020 his, his premise, you can look that up there, Matt Knutson talks about how one point in time,
00:35:15.840 25% of the population were murderers, if you believe in the Bible.
00:35:20.840 All right, let's keep it cruising here.
00:35:22.820 What do we have?
00:35:23.880 Um, all right, here we go.
00:35:31.140 Hey, Theo, it's Ethan, uh, love the podcast.
00:35:34.180 Hey, Ethan.
00:35:35.540 I like that name, Ethan.
00:35:37.100 Onward, thank you, Ethan.
00:35:38.920 Yeah, I'm calling because, uh, I'm married for about four years to this woman who doesn't
00:35:43.600 really have sex with me anymore.
00:35:46.060 Wow.
00:35:47.320 That is, uh, it sounds like most marriages, probably.
00:35:50.260 My thoughts, though, honestly, lucky you, dude.
00:35:55.040 Sex sometimes, pfft, overrated, bro.
00:35:58.540 Onward.
00:35:59.520 Uh, I recently got in really good shape, super healthy, getting a lot of attention from other
00:36:03.780 girls, and my sex drive has gone up, um, so my wife isn't really into it, like, maybe once
00:36:08.860 every three months, and it's really kind of over and done with fast.
00:36:13.760 Okay, so his wife only wants him, he said, about once every three months.
00:36:17.240 Okay.
00:36:18.140 So I can imagine that that's, uh, that's, that's probably got to not make you feel very
00:36:23.780 good, you know?
00:36:24.520 Or at least it's got to really diminish, uh, the returns on you guys' love there, probably,
00:36:29.320 if she doesn't even feel attracted to you, uh, onward.
00:36:35.280 So I kind of was lacking, so I resorted to trying to find someone outside of the relationship
00:36:42.300 to fulfill that need.
00:36:43.940 Anyways, I met this girl, we started talking, and, like, right from the echo, it was fucking
00:36:49.100 amazing.
00:36:49.740 She's incredible.
00:36:51.600 Every message was perfect.
00:36:53.660 There was so much momentum.
00:36:54.600 It was effortless.
00:36:56.040 It was awesome.
00:36:57.580 So that's been going on for, like, five weeks now.
00:37:00.420 Okay, so you got your dinner at the house, and you, uh, been looking at the candy.
00:37:03.680 That's what that sounds like.
00:37:04.860 Let's hear a little bit more.
00:37:06.380 I met this girl twice.
00:37:07.820 We never had sex, but that's kind of the whole intent behind it.
00:37:11.780 But now, I, like, this girl means so much to me that I don't know what to do.
00:37:19.200 Okay, so I'm just gonna stop you there for just a second, or pause you.
00:37:21.980 Yeah, um, so you, you met this girl twice.
00:37:25.880 You've been texting a lot.
00:37:27.160 You met her twice.
00:37:28.280 There's the intent for sex.
00:37:30.740 Hasn't happened yet.
00:37:32.580 And you're saying you care about her so much.
00:37:35.680 And that sounds, uh, confusing to me.
00:37:39.480 I mean, I understand that it can feel real to you, but it sounds, from an outsider's perspective,
00:37:43.400 um, which you're, which you're, you know, trying to get here, I assume, that, you know,
00:37:50.280 that she can't, there can't, it can't be that you care about her so much.
00:37:57.840 Because care, I would feel like, takes more time to actually establish itself.
00:38:03.740 So there's probably a strong bit of, um, infatuation, unless you feel so uncared for by your wife
00:38:10.720 that, um, that any care at all here, uh, is, um, is really fulfilling that so much
00:38:19.940 that it just, it feels like a ton of care, or it actually feels like care and not infatuation.
00:38:25.380 Uh, onward.
00:38:26.580 And I know it's probably common that a good dude just finds another girl
00:38:30.180 and falls in love with her for whatever reason, because of what's lacking in his life.
00:38:34.200 But I actually addressed the whole sex thing with my wife recently,
00:38:37.180 and she confirmed that she's just not really into it.
00:38:39.940 Had a panic attack a couple nights ago, thinking about it.
00:38:42.800 Again, woke up in the middle of the night, vomiting from anxiety,
00:38:46.160 just because I feel like I'm floating in an emptiness between two people
00:38:49.840 who want me for different reasons,
00:38:51.660 and no one actually wants me for who I am as a whole.
00:38:56.960 Wow.
00:38:58.180 I mean, we just went through like an emotional Star Wars right there.
00:39:01.920 So you're, you got anxiety from what's going on here.
00:39:05.440 You talk to your wife about it.
00:39:07.180 I'm assuming you talked about the sex part and not about the part that you have,
00:39:10.580 you know, this, um, this little kitty on the side.
00:39:14.460 You trying to pet this side kitty, you know,
00:39:17.520 and I've been out there, look, man, you know,
00:39:20.340 I have not, I've had trouble in relationships in the past,
00:39:23.320 if I don't get in them, uh, commitment issues.
00:39:26.280 And, you know, you start getting confused in your feelings.
00:39:29.980 You want to touch that side kitty.
00:39:32.200 You know, when you want to, you know,
00:39:33.680 you might be even sitting in the living room with your family,
00:39:35.740 but you reaching your hand out back the window
00:39:38.200 and you petting yard animals.
00:39:40.620 You feel me?
00:39:41.620 You're reaching for them soft, wet yard animals.
00:39:43.880 And that can happen, man.
00:39:47.340 And it sounds like you're starting to look for that.
00:39:49.380 Because if you have this in this, in this woman,
00:39:51.340 then you're starting to feel that.
00:39:52.840 You've talked to your wife.
00:39:54.100 Now you're having anxiety.
00:39:55.680 You're vomiting in the night.
00:39:58.000 I mean, that could be, I mean, I, you know what they,
00:40:01.660 if you eat a lot of times peanut butter and jelly,
00:40:03.720 having that for you go to bed can really make you vomit.
00:40:05.720 But, um, especially if it's on raisin bread,
00:40:09.200 because a lot of raisins in raisin bread, um, can be rotten.
00:40:13.880 I don't know if you guys knew that.
00:40:14.980 A friend of mine just told me that recently.
00:40:17.180 Anyhow, uh, dude, it sounds like you,
00:40:21.220 let's listen to the rest of this.
00:40:23.420 Onward.
00:40:23.940 And this other girl kind of fell for me really hard.
00:40:28.080 And I did for her.
00:40:30.060 And I think it threatened our own situations.
00:40:33.980 Uh, so we're figuring that out,
00:40:35.380 but I'm just really afraid she's gonna,
00:40:37.120 she's gonna ditch me.
00:40:39.500 Um, I just want to keep her in my life in some way,
00:40:42.120 even if we're not having sex.
00:40:43.180 Just wondering if you had any advice on how I can handle this.
00:40:47.220 I have no idea.
00:40:48.640 Tried everything.
00:40:49.480 Don't know what to do.
00:40:51.440 Okay, man.
00:40:52.540 Uh, I appreciate you calling.
00:40:53.800 I do want to say that, man.
00:40:55.000 First and foremost, I appreciate you calling.
00:40:57.340 Um, you like this girl.
00:40:58.680 It sounds like the side kitty.
00:41:00.240 You found some love or excitement, you know?
00:41:02.100 Maybe that's missing from your relationship.
00:41:03.880 And that's why it feels so grandiose.
00:41:07.100 I think you gotta ask you, yourself,
00:41:09.260 do you love your wife?
00:41:10.820 And do you want to be with your wife?
00:41:13.080 You know, if not,
00:41:14.640 and to me from this call,
00:41:16.020 I'm not trying to give you advice,
00:41:17.280 but it sounds like
00:41:18.480 you're not getting what you need there.
00:41:22.660 And at a certain point,
00:41:24.180 there's a couple solutions.
00:41:25.560 Or a couple of directions.
00:41:26.940 You can try to get some therapy
00:41:28.360 for you and her together.
00:41:30.700 You can try to get some therapy for yourself.
00:41:32.500 You know, because are you trying
00:41:34.540 to solve the problem with your wife?
00:41:37.680 Or are you trying to,
00:41:39.600 uh, are you trying to,
00:41:41.580 to cure the issue with your wife
00:41:46.600 by reaching outside of your marriage?
00:41:48.540 That's kind of the deal, you know?
00:41:50.720 And I would think about it in the way,
00:41:53.640 try and treat your wife
00:41:54.700 the way that you would want to be treated.
00:41:56.880 So say the roles are reversed.
00:41:59.300 And your wife has the same,
00:42:01.220 you know, you're,
00:42:01.800 you're not sexually attracted to her
00:42:04.020 and she's having these thoughts and feelings
00:42:05.500 and she's talking to somebody else.
00:42:07.240 How would you best like it
00:42:09.020 and be understanding
00:42:10.420 for her to deal with you?
00:42:12.960 And then that's the way
00:42:14.120 I would go at it and deal with her.
00:42:15.780 Because you're not going to be able
00:42:16.640 to keep somebody around.
00:42:17.680 You asked,
00:42:18.080 how do I keep this woman around on the side?
00:42:20.120 You're not going to be able to do that
00:42:21.820 just as a friend, you know?
00:42:24.760 Because you'll end up banging them.
00:42:26.560 You know, you will end up banging them
00:42:27.920 or, you know,
00:42:29.400 laying next to them
00:42:30.320 and jerking off or something
00:42:32.100 or doing something, you know?
00:42:34.460 You know, just letting,
00:42:35.960 you know,
00:42:36.840 your innards start to really
00:42:38.180 express themselves, you know?
00:42:40.260 Let your dick stand up.
00:42:42.240 You know,
00:42:42.380 so you got to keep that in your head, man.
00:42:44.580 You know,
00:42:45.040 if you hang out with wool,
00:42:47.340 you're going to lay your head on it.
00:42:48.560 That's what they say.
00:42:49.820 You know?
00:42:51.020 That's what they say, man.
00:42:52.120 You said,
00:42:52.340 they said the man that sleeps with sheeps
00:42:54.840 skeets with sheeps.
00:42:58.020 So remember that, man.
00:42:59.340 Keep that in your head.
00:43:00.060 If you hang out with the wool,
00:43:01.520 you're going to lay your head on it.
00:43:02.740 Rarely do you see a man
00:43:03.620 walking around with a pillow
00:43:04.640 and then come nighttime,
00:43:06.120 he just set the pillow
00:43:07.780 in a briefcase or something.
00:43:09.240 No.
00:43:10.260 But it sounds like infatuation,
00:43:11.680 man.
00:43:11.760 It sounds like you should either
00:43:13.200 try to work things out with your wife
00:43:14.200 or just leave her, man.
00:43:15.460 Maybe, you know,
00:43:16.460 realistically,
00:43:17.180 you probably are not in love
00:43:20.400 with your wife.
00:43:21.460 It doesn't sound like
00:43:22.360 you are in love with your wife.
00:43:24.180 It sounds like you were at one time,
00:43:26.420 but I don't know
00:43:27.820 if that is that time anymore.
00:43:30.580 You know?
00:43:31.720 And you talked for a second
00:43:33.260 about taking care of your body,
00:43:34.440 but are you taking care
00:43:35.520 only of the outside?
00:43:37.580 That's what I'm a little bit worried about,
00:43:39.460 you know?
00:43:40.320 So I'd look inside
00:43:41.240 and really ask yourself some questions
00:43:42.820 and that anxiety,
00:43:44.200 that vomit,
00:43:45.340 like the only thing
00:43:46.140 that can be coming from
00:43:46.920 is your actions
00:43:48.740 are probably,
00:43:49.400 you know,
00:43:50.320 stirring up inside of you
00:43:51.660 and making your body
00:43:53.160 and your spirit all squirrely
00:43:54.620 because
00:43:55.780 if you're just talking to your wife
00:43:57.940 about the sex part,
00:43:58.900 but then you're using
00:43:59.620 that conversation
00:44:00.440 to go then
00:44:01.400 and justify your actions,
00:44:04.400 you know,
00:44:04.840 it's not,
00:44:06.700 that's probably,
00:44:08.080 you know,
00:44:08.520 it's probably not
00:44:09.160 the coolest way
00:44:10.640 to go about shit,
00:44:12.540 you know?
00:44:13.260 I mean,
00:44:13.580 you can cheat on your wife.
00:44:14.480 You can go out
00:44:15.100 and sleep around
00:44:15.820 and see if that works.
00:44:17.240 See if that,
00:44:18.140 maybe that's the thing
00:44:18.980 you need to do
00:44:19.700 that's going to help you
00:44:20.380 figure out
00:44:20.820 what do you need to do.
00:44:22.500 You know,
00:44:22.920 if you need to stay
00:44:23.520 with your wife
00:44:24.060 or if you need to go on
00:44:25.120 or,
00:44:26.000 but it sounds like
00:44:27.940 you need to figure out
00:44:28.680 some,
00:44:29.220 that this doesn't have
00:44:30.020 anything to do
00:44:30.520 with your wife.
00:44:31.220 I think it has
00:44:31.820 to do with you.
00:44:33.780 So I would start there,
00:44:34.620 decide what you want
00:44:35.680 and then take the actions
00:44:37.900 to make the changes.
00:44:39.280 You can do it, bro.
00:44:40.200 If you need to,
00:44:40.840 you can do it,
00:44:41.680 you know?
00:44:42.200 But yeah,
00:44:44.460 it's hard, man.
00:44:45.180 It's hard.
00:44:45.880 It's hard to be
00:44:46.440 in a relationship
00:44:47.020 these days
00:44:47.680 and I think a lot
00:44:48.720 of men, honestly,
00:44:50.000 are not even looking
00:44:51.320 really for lovers
00:44:52.340 in relationships
00:44:53.060 these days.
00:44:53.800 I think a lot of men
00:44:54.800 are looking for mothers
00:44:57.040 and I base that
00:44:59.100 on the fact
00:44:59.780 that,
00:45:00.940 I base it on the fact
00:45:03.480 that I think we,
00:45:04.860 like a recent generation
00:45:06.500 of men
00:45:06.840 has grown up
00:45:07.420 in a time
00:45:08.300 when they didn't
00:45:08.700 have mothers.
00:45:09.240 A lot of their mothers
00:45:10.200 were working
00:45:10.840 and so they didn't
00:45:12.520 have the same mothership
00:45:13.960 that our grandparents
00:45:16.080 had
00:45:16.560 or that our parents
00:45:18.060 had.
00:45:19.280 So,
00:45:19.960 whereas our parents
00:45:20.880 might have been looking
00:45:21.400 for sexual mates,
00:45:22.840 you know,
00:45:23.100 that I think
00:45:24.040 the men now
00:45:25.360 are looking for something
00:45:26.340 a little bit more
00:45:26.960 along the motherly lines
00:45:28.220 and maybe you're not
00:45:30.080 one of those men.
00:45:30.940 You know,
00:45:31.100 maybe you're a man
00:45:31.640 that's just looking
00:45:32.120 for that,
00:45:32.760 you know,
00:45:32.960 you have to have that sex
00:45:34.100 and you have to have
00:45:34.600 the sex in your relationship.
00:45:35.980 I know you have to have it
00:45:37.020 and some people
00:45:38.140 might only be a few months,
00:45:39.480 you know,
00:45:39.720 because as you stay married
00:45:41.380 some people,
00:45:41.980 they just become
00:45:43.040 really good friends
00:45:43.920 and sex isn't that
00:45:45.140 important to them.
00:45:46.400 But if you're probably,
00:45:47.200 you know,
00:45:47.380 getting back into your body
00:45:48.460 and taking care of yourself
00:45:49.960 then,
00:45:50.540 yeah,
00:45:50.680 you might be,
00:45:51.140 you know,
00:45:51.440 revving up that sex dragon.
00:45:54.220 You know,
00:45:54.480 you might be feeding matches
00:45:55.720 to that sex dragon
00:45:57.360 and then he gonna
00:45:58.240 spray out
00:46:00.060 and he gonna start
00:46:01.520 talking fire
00:46:02.400 and that's your libido
00:46:03.600 is getting lit up.
00:46:05.420 You know,
00:46:05.640 and you're switching
00:46:06.120 from a 87
00:46:09.120 to a 91 octane,
00:46:11.660 you know.
00:46:13.060 So you start
00:46:13.800 to run on diesel,
00:46:14.800 boy,
00:46:15.180 and that's what it is,
00:46:16.180 I think,
00:46:16.580 is that you,
00:46:17.260 you're invigorated
00:46:18.580 and you want to,
00:46:19.800 you want that action again
00:46:21.080 and maybe your wife
00:46:22.760 is just not full circle there.
00:46:24.900 So,
00:46:25.220 I mean,
00:46:25.300 the options are
00:46:25.760 you go out and cheat
00:46:26.520 or you,
00:46:27.460 you know,
00:46:28.220 let your wife know
00:46:28.860 what's really going on
00:46:29.660 and you stay out
00:46:30.160 and then that way
00:46:30.740 you can go out
00:46:31.220 and at least
00:46:31.720 be with another woman
00:46:34.340 but have a clean heart
00:46:35.520 about it.
00:46:36.480 You know,
00:46:37.780 but good luck, man.
00:46:39.320 Let us know how it goes
00:46:40.200 if you will.
00:46:40.800 Won't you hit the hotline back
00:46:41.840 and let us know
00:46:42.360 how it goes
00:46:43.040 and Trevor too
00:46:45.080 that called in
00:46:45.540 a little bit ago,
00:46:46.740 I'd love you to call back
00:46:48.080 and let us know
00:46:48.820 about what happened
00:46:50.160 in those saunas
00:46:50.920 when those men
00:46:51.520 was being wild
00:46:52.400 because I've been in there,
00:46:54.500 boy,
00:46:54.720 and it's gorillas
00:46:55.340 in the mist
00:46:56.260 in the mist
00:46:56.280 in there,
00:46:57.080 you know.
00:46:58.200 I mean,
00:46:58.680 you think it's your towel
00:46:59.700 and then it's another man
00:47:00.820 and well,
00:47:01.100 sometimes if he has long hair
00:47:02.780 he'll put his hair
00:47:03.460 right by your hand
00:47:04.380 and you reach over to get,
00:47:06.000 you think it's your towel
00:47:06.760 but it's his hair
00:47:07.700 that he's laid out flat
00:47:09.840 on the stone in there
00:47:11.800 in the sauna
00:47:12.340 and then you grab his hair
00:47:13.780 and next thing you know
00:47:14.300 you pull him over by you
00:47:15.540 and you think you're just
00:47:16.720 trying to get a towel
00:47:17.420 to just wipe off.
00:47:19.200 So a lot of trickery
00:47:20.180 and miscreancy
00:47:20.900 going on out there.
00:47:23.180 The Disney-at-namese.
00:47:25.800 I like that.
00:47:26.840 All right,
00:47:27.020 let's keep it moving here, man.
00:47:28.020 Let's hit another
00:47:28.840 question right here.
00:47:33.780 Let's hear it.
00:47:35.860 Hey, Theo.
00:47:36.880 This is Derek.
00:47:38.160 I'm from Hilo, Hawaii.
00:47:40.800 Ooh, Derek
00:47:41.720 from Hilo, Hawaii.
00:47:43.380 Pineapple country, huh?
00:47:45.060 What's up,
00:47:45.720 you little napple?
00:47:46.760 They call them napples out there.
00:47:48.180 They're people that
00:47:48.720 live in Hawaii.
00:47:51.720 Onward.
00:47:52.920 And I was just listening
00:47:54.120 to your last podcast
00:47:55.300 and you got talking about
00:47:56.520 how you might just
00:47:59.200 cut off your balls.
00:48:00.200 You might cut off
00:48:00.700 your dick
00:48:01.240 and you feel like
00:48:02.300 you get nothing done
00:48:02.960 because of that.
00:48:03.660 And I had to stop
00:48:04.800 the podcast right there
00:48:06.880 and call you
00:48:07.640 because that is crazy, man.
00:48:13.060 You can't think
00:48:14.540 you would do nothing.
00:48:15.420 Now, he's referring
00:48:18.680 to, you know,
00:48:19.280 I thought many times
00:48:20.840 that my penis
00:48:21.520 and my junk,
00:48:23.920 nuts,
00:48:24.360 and whatever else
00:48:24.960 is in your nutsack.
00:48:26.460 They say nuts,
00:48:27.520 but it feels like,
00:48:28.260 honestly,
00:48:28.420 there's more in there.
00:48:29.780 And I've thought
00:48:30.360 for a long time
00:48:31.040 that if I didn't have that,
00:48:32.760 if I didn't have
00:48:33.280 my penis and nuts,
00:48:34.300 that I could
00:48:35.220 function better,
00:48:38.160 that I would get
00:48:38.760 more work done.
00:48:40.540 You know,
00:48:40.920 because I think
00:48:41.580 we're starting
00:48:42.060 to become,
00:48:43.880 and I believe that,
00:48:44.820 Richard,
00:48:45.040 and I said that
00:48:46.180 I would mail them,
00:48:47.480 or Derek,
00:48:48.060 sorry,
00:48:48.300 I said that I would
00:48:48.780 mail them to Africa
00:48:50.420 or to,
00:48:51.720 you know,
00:48:52.580 a different country,
00:48:53.760 not Africa,
00:48:54.720 or Africa
00:48:55.660 or a different country.
00:48:57.820 And,
00:48:58.780 because that would be
00:48:59.340 a meal.
00:49:00.500 You know,
00:49:00.740 you can easily
00:49:01.700 feed a family
00:49:02.940 of three or four
00:49:04.160 with the meat
00:49:07.740 that is inside
00:49:08.460 of your,
00:49:09.140 you know,
00:49:09.680 your cock
00:49:10.160 and your scrotum.
00:49:11.520 And I'm not trying
00:49:12.200 to be disgusting,
00:49:13.280 but that's real.
00:49:14.760 You know,
00:49:15.000 in America,
00:49:15.460 we cut off body parts
00:49:16.580 like it's nothing.
00:49:17.940 You know,
00:49:18.220 somebody gets a little
00:49:18.920 bit of gangrene,
00:49:19.640 they lop their leg off.
00:49:21.340 But whereas you don't
00:49:22.260 realize is that
00:49:23.080 in India,
00:49:24.380 that'll feed a,
00:49:25.080 that'll feed a fucking farmer.
00:49:26.440 That'll feed a farmer's family.
00:49:28.500 You know,
00:49:29.020 that'll feed a farmer's family
00:49:30.280 for,
00:49:31.620 you know,
00:49:32.740 for,
00:49:33.420 you know,
00:49:33.780 filling their falafels.
00:49:35.600 This is starting
00:49:36.400 to sound like a,
00:49:38.040 that'll feed a farmer's family
00:49:39.360 for filling their falafels.
00:49:42.440 This is starting
00:49:43.080 to sound like a tongue twister.
00:49:44.680 That'll feed a farmer's family
00:49:45.680 for filling their falafels.
00:49:48.140 That'll feed a farmer's family
00:49:49.380 for filling their falafels.
00:49:52.400 Yeah,
00:49:52.780 it's pretty fun.
00:49:53.420 And then the easy one,
00:49:54.240 I think you could,
00:49:54.860 kind of a starter tongue twister.
00:49:56.840 But,
00:49:57.020 but yeah,
00:49:57.900 I think you could cut it off
00:49:58.740 and mail it,
00:49:59.560 Derek,
00:50:00.060 and I don't see a problem
00:50:00.800 with that.
00:50:01.360 I don't see a problem
00:50:02.020 with providing,
00:50:02.600 you know,
00:50:03.780 some light food
00:50:05.640 or light fare
00:50:06.600 to some others
00:50:09.360 who are in need.
00:50:11.000 And if I don't want my penis
00:50:12.140 and I don't want my nuts anymore.
00:50:13.700 But let's hear the rest.
00:50:15.160 You would get nothing done
00:50:16.460 without your balls and dick.
00:50:17.700 Your motivating factor
00:50:18.680 for life would be over.
00:50:20.920 What would be the reason to live?
00:50:22.800 What would be the reason to live?
00:50:26.040 Okay.
00:50:27.240 You know,
00:50:27.720 I'll answer that for you.
00:50:28.720 The reason to live then
00:50:29.800 would be,
00:50:30.160 I think,
00:50:30.520 I think we're starting
00:50:31.540 to metastasize
00:50:33.600 as humans.
00:50:34.580 We're starting to morph some.
00:50:37.100 Where yes,
00:50:37.980 it used to be that
00:50:39.300 to procreate
00:50:41.960 was our main necessity.
00:50:45.080 But,
00:50:45.580 is it still?
00:50:48.240 You know,
00:50:48.920 we have a lot of people
00:50:50.420 in the world.
00:50:51.020 We are at a level,
00:50:52.540 especially in America,
00:50:54.620 of pretty high comfort.
00:50:57.860 You know,
00:50:58.120 we are pretty comfortable.
00:51:00.320 Even if we are,
00:51:01.480 even if we are,
00:51:02.840 I feel like,
00:51:03.320 wealthy or poor,
00:51:05.160 we are at least,
00:51:06.120 you can be just lazy
00:51:07.620 and,
00:51:08.180 you know,
00:51:08.580 collect money
00:51:09.300 or get your money
00:51:10.020 and you can still
00:51:11.460 be comfortable.
00:51:12.620 You can still have a bed
00:51:13.760 and air conditioning
00:51:14.620 and a phone
00:51:15.380 and cable.
00:51:16.780 And you can have food
00:51:18.220 and you can be comfortable.
00:51:20.080 So,
00:51:20.500 at that point,
00:51:22.060 is,
00:51:23.020 are we really looking
00:51:23.820 to procreate
00:51:24.400 as much as we are just
00:51:25.380 looking to enjoy
00:51:26.840 our comforts?
00:51:28.060 I almost feel like,
00:51:28.940 sadly,
00:51:29.560 in this country,
00:51:31.140 that that's one of the
00:51:31.940 infestations that we have
00:51:33.580 is that we're just
00:51:34.440 too comfortable.
00:51:35.680 And we're starting to,
00:51:37.320 as humans in America,
00:51:39.240 we're starting to metastasize
00:51:40.900 or we're starting to
00:51:42.440 evolve into creatures
00:51:44.640 that,
00:51:45.160 it's just like,
00:51:46.400 what's the best way
00:51:47.100 we can enjoy our comfort
00:51:48.160 or the best way
00:51:48.980 that we can work harder
00:51:50.620 or the best way
00:51:51.460 that we can,
00:51:53.680 but not work harder
00:51:55.080 like in the sense
00:51:55.740 that I need to be
00:51:56.280 in the wild hunting boars
00:51:57.940 or hunting,
00:51:59.160 you know,
00:51:59.520 violent squirrels
00:52:00.520 or flocks of squirrels
00:52:01.620 or gangs of squirrels.
00:52:03.560 But in the sense
00:52:04.440 that I need to be
00:52:05.780 doing,
00:52:07.800 you know,
00:52:08.120 computer work
00:52:09.020 or podcasting
00:52:10.180 or,
00:52:11.100 you know,
00:52:11.500 stuff that I don't even
00:52:12.420 need my,
00:52:13.560 my dick
00:52:14.660 and nuts for,
00:52:16.540 you know,
00:52:17.040 stuff that I need
00:52:17.660 just my brain
00:52:18.460 and just my ideas
00:52:19.900 for.
00:52:21.520 So I feel like
00:52:22.100 that's where we're at
00:52:22.740 a little bit.
00:52:23.440 So if I didn't have
00:52:24.200 this,
00:52:24.520 this,
00:52:25.160 this hindrance
00:52:26.600 of meat
00:52:27.380 between my legs,
00:52:28.460 this meal,
00:52:29.900 and I say meal
00:52:30.820 because I got
00:52:31.440 a decent dick,
00:52:32.740 you know,
00:52:33.540 I got some swell cock
00:52:34.800 for a man
00:52:35.520 and if you,
00:52:38.140 and if you,
00:52:41.040 if I'm just
00:52:41.700 carrying it around
00:52:42.660 and somebody else
00:52:44.140 in another country
00:52:44.780 could,
00:52:45.520 this could be
00:52:45.960 a feast for them,
00:52:47.000 a small feast,
00:52:47.880 but a feast for maybe
00:52:48.720 at least a beautiful
00:52:49.500 Valentine's dinner
00:52:50.900 or something
00:52:51.300 if somebody wants
00:52:52.500 to enjoy themselves
00:52:53.280 with their friend
00:52:53.980 or lover.
00:52:55.540 But,
00:52:56.280 you know,
00:52:56.740 then that's me
00:52:57.320 being greedy
00:52:58.020 and if I,
00:52:59.220 and if it didn't,
00:52:59.880 if my penis
00:53:00.620 wasn't always
00:53:01.080 taking my thoughts
00:53:02.000 because I'll start
00:53:02.840 getting some good
00:53:03.320 ideas and doing work
00:53:04.100 and my penis is like,
00:53:04.960 hey,
00:53:05.740 don't you want to,
00:53:06.700 you know,
00:53:07.560 go see if there's
00:53:08.120 some cooter
00:53:09.020 across the street?
00:53:10.200 Oh,
00:53:10.520 what if there's
00:53:10.820 some cooter downstairs?
00:53:12.000 Huh?
00:53:12.300 Have you thought
00:53:12.600 about that recently?
00:53:13.940 Yeah,
00:53:14.240 my penis starts
00:53:14.800 telling me all that.
00:53:16.000 You know,
00:53:16.220 it's cooter hungry
00:53:16.900 and it'd be nice
00:53:18.460 sometimes to stop
00:53:19.260 that hunger,
00:53:20.600 you know,
00:53:20.820 to satisfy it
00:53:22.160 and just to eliminate it
00:53:23.700 so that I could just
00:53:24.480 stay in my realm of work
00:53:25.720 and what I feel like
00:53:27.420 would be to do
00:53:28.000 my best work
00:53:28.900 and to focus more
00:53:30.140 on the things
00:53:30.540 that help me
00:53:31.180 feel good about myself
00:53:32.660 like caring about others,
00:53:35.800 you know,
00:53:36.340 loving my friends
00:53:37.900 and family
00:53:38.580 and trying to
00:53:44.640 be of service.
00:53:45.740 You know,
00:53:45.900 those things are
00:53:46.380 what really make me
00:53:47.200 feel good.
00:53:48.000 So,
00:53:48.800 I don't know,
00:53:49.220 man,
00:53:49.320 it's interesting.
00:53:50.160 It's interesting,
00:53:50.660 but I feel like
00:53:51.080 getting rid of it,
00:53:51.620 that's what it would do,
00:53:52.360 man.
00:53:52.640 It would really lift me up
00:53:53.980 as a man,
00:53:54.660 as a person.
00:53:55.600 I really do.
00:53:57.320 What else do we have here?
00:54:00.020 You know what?
00:54:00.580 I got a couple
00:54:00.960 of other good calls,
00:54:02.280 but I'm going to hit them
00:54:04.220 next week,
00:54:04.840 man,
00:54:05.700 just because it's getting late.
00:54:06.800 It's 1245 here
00:54:07.980 and I know some of you guys
00:54:09.400 are like,
00:54:09.700 dude,
00:54:10.420 what,
00:54:10.700 we listening,
00:54:11.500 what,
00:54:11.700 what?
00:54:12.520 Well,
00:54:12.880 I'm sorry,
00:54:13.500 man.
00:54:14.080 You know,
00:54:14.340 I love you.
00:54:15.540 I'm doing the best
00:54:16.340 that I can.
00:54:17.220 I am actually
00:54:18.380 looking forward to
00:54:19.360 hopefully getting
00:54:20.660 some new studio
00:54:21.680 environment
00:54:22.360 in Los Angeles
00:54:24.940 this week.
00:54:26.240 So hopefully
00:54:27.040 that will come to fruition,
00:54:29.260 but I'm really excited
00:54:31.540 about it.
00:54:32.500 But I appreciate the calls,
00:54:33.800 man,
00:54:34.080 and I thank you
00:54:34.820 for the calls.
00:54:35.540 And again,
00:54:36.760 I really thank you.
00:54:38.080 I appreciate people
00:54:38.740 that are calling in
00:54:39.480 and sharing what's going
00:54:40.400 on in their lives.
00:54:41.280 And I don't have
00:54:42.980 any answers.
00:54:45.200 All I have are
00:54:46.420 some suggestions
00:54:47.360 and what I can share
00:54:50.180 with you.
00:54:51.080 But that's it,
00:54:51.900 man,
00:54:52.120 coming to you from
00:54:52.660 Orlando.
00:54:53.880 I didn't have any
00:54:54.580 intro or outro music
00:54:55.620 this week.
00:54:56.240 I'll get back to it.
00:54:57.340 I promise.
00:54:58.340 But you can hit
00:54:58.900 the hotline
00:54:59.760 and if you have
00:55:00.980 any other thoughts
00:55:01.640 on anything that we
00:55:02.400 talked about
00:55:02.920 or brought up,
00:55:03.940 please share them.
00:55:05.660 My number is
00:55:06.440 985-664-9503.
00:55:11.000 And it's up to
00:55:11.880 three minutes.
00:55:12.440 You can talk on there.
00:55:13.880 And if you don't
00:55:14.720 get it all in,
00:55:15.920 then call back.
00:55:16.680 But try to get it all
00:55:17.440 in in three minutes.
00:55:18.260 You know what I'm saying?
00:55:19.040 But I did get some
00:55:19.680 other great calls.
00:55:20.540 I'm going to use them.
00:55:21.820 I'm just not going
00:55:22.520 to be able to use them
00:55:23.480 on this episode.
00:55:25.600 But thank you guys
00:55:26.420 so much.
00:55:27.140 Have a great week.
00:55:29.600 It's July.
00:55:31.380 You know?
00:55:32.380 It's summer.
00:55:33.280 It's hot as hell, dude.
00:55:35.300 It's hot as hell.
00:55:37.080 So get in the pool.
00:55:38.520 You know,
00:55:38.740 spray some water
00:55:39.460 on your friend.
00:55:40.140 Bring a water bottle.
00:55:41.700 Squirt somebody.
00:55:43.480 You know what I'm saying?
00:55:44.240 Brush your teeth, though.
00:55:45.940 Brush your teeth.
00:55:46.720 Hug somebody.
00:55:47.540 Won't you do that?
00:55:48.200 Won't you surprise
00:55:48.880 somebody today
00:55:49.660 and hug them?
00:55:50.280 Hug them, motherfucker.
00:55:51.760 You feel me?
00:55:52.340 Hug them, motherfucker.
00:55:54.160 That's what I would love
00:55:55.000 to see these gangs.
00:55:56.080 I get tired of
00:55:56.740 watching the news
00:55:57.820 in New Orleans
00:55:58.540 and I see these people
00:55:59.520 showing up
00:56:00.040 just beating each other.
00:56:02.020 And I would love
00:56:02.560 to see some,
00:56:03.360 you know,
00:56:03.760 two gangbangers
00:56:04.820 just show up
00:56:05.320 and just hug the fuck
00:56:06.220 out of somebody.
00:56:06.960 Like, damn,
00:56:07.420 motherfucker,
00:56:08.100 you just got hugged.
00:56:09.820 You know?
00:56:10.740 Damn,
00:56:11.180 you feel that joy?
00:56:13.800 Motherfucker.
00:56:16.080 But sorry about the profanity.
00:56:18.340 Be good to yourselves, man.
00:56:20.680 I bet you deserve it.
00:56:22.700 And if you need me,
00:56:23.740 reach out.
00:56:25.040 I love you.
00:56:25.900 Talk to you guys
00:56:26.760 next week.
00:56:28.080 This has been
00:56:29.120 This Past Weekend.
00:56:35.240 Ladies and gentlemen,
00:56:36.580 I'm Jonathan Kite
00:56:37.520 and welcome to Kite Club,
00:56:39.200 a podcast
00:56:39.760 where I'll be sharing
00:56:40.720 thoughts on things
00:56:41.560 like current events,
00:56:42.880 stand-up stories,
00:56:43.920 and seven ways
00:56:44.820 to pleasure your partner.
00:56:46.600 The answer may shock you.
00:56:48.340 Sometimes I'll interview
00:56:49.260 my friends.
00:56:50.480 Sometimes I won't.
00:56:51.920 And as always,
00:56:52.920 I'll be joined
00:56:53.480 by the voices in my head.
00:56:54.760 You have
00:56:55.640 three new voice messages.
00:56:58.080 A lot of people
00:56:59.100 are talking about
00:57:00.020 Kite Club.
00:57:00.940 I've been talking
00:57:01.740 about Kite Club
00:57:02.640 for so long,
00:57:03.580 longer than anybody else.
00:57:05.220 So great.
00:57:06.580 Hi,
00:57:07.240 sweetheart.
00:57:08.260 Here's a deal.
00:57:09.540 Anyone who doesn't
00:57:10.440 listen to Kite Club
00:57:11.380 is a dodgy bloody wanker.
00:57:13.520 Jermaine.
00:57:14.780 Ho-ho!
00:57:15.580 I'll take a quarter pounder
00:57:16.940 with cheese
00:57:17.420 and a McFlurry.
00:57:18.600 Sorry, sir,
00:57:19.060 but our ice cream machine
00:57:19.820 is broken.
00:57:20.680 Ho-ho-ho!
00:57:21.940 No!
00:57:22.940 I think Tom Hanks
00:57:24.160 just butt-dialed me.
00:57:25.360 Anyway,
00:57:26.100 first rule of Kite Club
00:57:27.080 is tell everyone
00:57:28.540 about Kite Club.
00:57:29.560 Second rule of Kite Club
00:57:30.740 is tell everyone
00:57:32.380 about Kite Club.
00:57:33.800 Third rule,
00:57:34.720 like and subscribe
00:57:35.520 wherever you listen
00:57:36.420 to podcasts
00:57:36.960 or watch us on YouTube,
00:57:38.920 yeah?
00:57:39.580 And yes,
00:57:40.140 don't worry,
00:57:40.860 my Brad Pitt impression
00:57:41.860 will get better.