Bald is Beautiful ｜ This Past Weekend #103
Episode Stats
Length
1 hour and 45 minutes
Words per Minute
185.3583
Summary
On this episode of the Better Off Barefoot Podcast, we have special guest Brad Levine on the show. Brad talks about how he used to have a driving force in his life, and how he uses it to fuel his day to day life.
Transcript
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And that is Brad Levine with Better Off Barefoot right now, right there.
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You know, there used to be a driving force in me a lot when I was young.
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You know, I'd ask myself, what are they gonna do about me?
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You know, I'd think about that in the world, you know, and I would try to inspire myself
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when I'd have those M&M moments, you know, or them Eazy-E moments.
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When I was, you know, bustling through the neighborhood by my lonesome, just out there all lonely-legged,
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just moving one foot in front of the other, you know, just with that swaggy neck.
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Like when you, you know, you kind of, you put your chin up, you walk chin first, you know,
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when you get your swag, you get your neck all swaggy, and you walk chin first.
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And you think to yourself, what are they gonna do about me?
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They're gonna have to hit me with that euthanasia if they're gonna stop me.
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I used to think about that when I was, when I was, when I was young, you know.
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You know, you got that fuck the world, fuck the world swagger.
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And I, that, that, that used to be the thing that would drive me.
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You know, it used to be, man, every other, every other vertebrae in my spine was just,
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you know, it was like Marshall, it looked like a, like, just like a little picture of Marshall Mathers,
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S1, on up my vertebrae through that whole, that whole spenal column.
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And that's who I, you know, I just had that, grr.
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And that's what drove me, you know, a lot of times when I was young, was that angst, that fire.
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You know, me asking the world, you know, at the root of me, I would, I was asking the world,
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And that used to be some anger and some swagger that I used to run with.
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I just got back from Oklahoma City or, no, sorry.
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I just got back from Ark-lahoma up there in the corner of Arkansas and Oklahoma.
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You know, it's, um, they got a lot of wheat up there.
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Suddenly you see, you know, six or seven hay bales.
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You know, you see a couple people ducked off behind a hay bale.
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Maybe, you know, you know, tugging on a pack of Winstons.
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Maybe, um, you know, hugging their sister a little too hard.
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Or you see, you know, a couple siblings back there.
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You see, you know, maybe, um, you see somebody, you know, supposed to be working.
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And they, you know, they're, uh, they're test driving a couple of daydreams.
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But that's what you would see with these hay bales.
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Man, when you get these hay bales going, that, that, a hay bale is just a place to hide.
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A hay bale, especially in flat, flat terrain, a hay bale is just a soft little bitty mountain
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And you, you, you said a hay bale anyway, you know, if you got an open field, you put a
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hay bale in there out in the middle of it, suddenly you got something to hide behind.
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I mean, you could, you know, you could, uh, protect yourself, uh, from the winds behind
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You know, you could, um, you could grow, uh, plants that need shade.
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You know, there's a lot of things you can do when you got that hay bale.
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So, so sometimes you, if you're driving past on the road and you look at a hay bale, you're
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Dude, that's just a bunch of grass got together in a damn gang bang.
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But when you really get out there and look or, you know, and you see what a hay bale is,
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you see, oh, this is, you know, this thing provides possibility.
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Because you don't know what's going on on the other side of that hay bale.
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You don't know what's going on on the other side of that HBZ.
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And, uh, and I'm happy to be home and I'm tired.
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But we had a good, we had a good, uh, show out there.
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I want to thank everybody that came out, out there.
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And you can, uh, somebody hit, hit the hotline with this right here.
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I didn't know where you were going to be coming out.
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But I just wanted to call and say, thanks for the show.
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And let, let, uh, let Mr. Shao know that I'm going to be, I'm going to be catching him next month when he comes to, man.
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A lot of good people came out, you know, a lot of good people out there holding hands and, you know, a lot of just, they had one dude had real, look like he had a bunch of ant bites on his arms.
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I'll still, I'll let that dude hug me one time.
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I said, damn, boy, you know, I'll have to write, you know, wrap me up in them big bite burritos.
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He had these big arms, these big, long, just like a damn, you know, I mean, it was just like being wrapped in each one, each one of his arms was probably three feet long.
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So he just put me in this big, it was just like six feet of just ant, ant bitten burrito, just real white and just hell ant bites.
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Like this dude had just been, you know, playing, playing Sims on his arms, but with ants.
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And it was, you know, they had a lot of people came out.
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And I will tell Brendan Schaub that you guys will come see him as well.
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I know he's going to be heading there soon for I think his second or third visit, the bee sting daddy from the fighter and the kid.
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But man, I'll tell you this, I went to see, I went to see Joey Diaz, surprised him up there on Monday, last Monday.
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You know, because Joey, Joey has this special thing.
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If you're not familiar with Joey Diaz and you need to go check him out, he's one of a kind.
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You know, he's like, he's from like another, it's almost like he's, he's like the emerging of a couple of different generations.
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Because he's got this old school generation where it's, you know, he's about honor and he's about his word.
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But then he's got this new school generation where he's, you know, all in the psychedelics and, and, and thinking and like, and experimenting and, and, and then he's got the kind of the 70s kind of trapped in him.
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He's all about like free love and, and just bringing everybody into the fold.
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He just, you know, he's, he's multi-generational and he's got that special gift.
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And he was shooting a special for Netflix and Netflix is a television channel, but it's on your computer.
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And now it's actually back on your television now, which is pretty bizarre, isn't it?
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And then now it's like, oh, go, go and get, now you can get the computer over the, on the TV.
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But now it's like they took it and reshaped it and just, and now it's, it's back over there.
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And, uh, and he, he was taping a Netflix special for them and it was great, man.
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He didn't know I was coming up and I rolled up there and, you know, it's, you know, they got, you know, they have productions.
00:09:03.240
So you get there and they have an audience waiting outside, some white dude, some Muppet had gotten, you know, the heater had got him was in Vegas.
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So either the heat had got him or maybe a hooker had bit him, you know, something had happened to him and, you know, and he hit the ground.
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The EMTs are out there, but you know, a couple of EMTs, they're probably, you know, cooking dope on the side and shit.
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Everybody, somebody is a school teacher, but they sell them a little bit of fricking warm lip out the back door.
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You know, they sell them a little couple of slices of that.
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Mama's got that sweat wallet and she's vending that thing after school, you know, and she's putting people in a detention in her crotch because that's how to make that extra money.
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And that's, you know, I mean, the Vegas is, it's basically just a buffet for the dark arts.
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You get you, you go, you can go repelling off of a crack rock if you want.
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One time she, and I don't think I'm talking outside of school with me, my sister and I, you know, she knows I love her and we share stories, but she got caught up on some of that dust or something back in the day.
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You know, she was just, uh, you know what I'm saying?
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Give me a D, give me a U, give me a S, give me a T on that dust.
00:10:30.320
And, uh, and she had a boyfriend and that's what happened, you know, cause sometimes the man will be all, he'll be dusted up, you know, he'll be running around and, uh, and, and, and he'll have, you know, dusty ideas.
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And then the lady will fall in love with the man and then she'll get caught, you know, she'll get some of that dust in her eyes.
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And that's just a, a byproduct of the love that she expresses for the man.
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And so she fell in with some man and it was getting dusted up or something.
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And he took her rock climbing and look, dude, I think it's crazy to be, first of all, you introducing somebody to rock, you know, to some type of dust or methamphetamines.
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And then secondarily to then physically take them rock climbing.
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You know, when you introducing somebody to a couple of grams and then you introducing somebody to a, a couple of, uh, uh, you know, stalactites of granite from grams to granite, baby.
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We getting dusted and we, uh, and we going spelunking.
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But anyway, my sister went, uh, rock climbing and they ended up climbing up to a, um, what's it called?
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When people are, they're eating, but every, you can see their, their vagina, um, nudist colony.
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She got taken up to a nudist colony and they were having a, they were grilling out.
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They were doing barbecue because even the naked, the naked liked to eat.
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If you take your clothes off, the first thing I want, boy, I feel embarrassed for about 30 seconds after that.
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Because, boy, I swear, dude, if I don't have to worry about getting some on my shirt, that's the beauty about eating naked.
00:12:30.780
And now if I, if I got on a nice, uh, you know, if I got on a nice 700, you know, count, uh, you know, or if I got on a nice, like 80, 80 count threadbare shirt or something, you know, or a multifaceted, you know, collared shirt, shirt that has a couple of levels, you know, got that business top piece, that collar.
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Or, yeah, then I might not enjoy a chili dog the right way.
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Or I might stick my neck out and eat it away from my body.
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I'll let you throw, dude, I'll let you throw handfuls of fucking warm meat into my mouth from about two feet away.
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Because, uh, because I don't care about getting it on my clothes at that point.
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And then, you know, because we want to look nice.
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And then we have to eat all uncomfortably to keep the spillage off of our clothes.
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Because, look, I don't trust somebody that don't put a little bit of condiments on their meat.
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If you ain't putting fucking, if you don't put condiments on your meat or condiments on your, you know, vegetables or salads.
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Do your mother live at, I don't know, Mr. McGregor's Garden?
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You need to put condiments on anything you're having.
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But so when you don't have that, when you're naked, you'll eat something full throttle.
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Because I don't care if I get a little bit of meat on my neck.
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You know, I don't care if I get a little bit of sloppy joe, you know, coagulated up in my navel.
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Because I'll just, dude, I'll scoop a fucking hitter.
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Dude, I'll scoop a small baby hitter warm yams out of my navel and take that shit into my jaw.
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But my sister, you know, they got up there and this was a nudist colony.
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And they out there, you know, they got a fresh batch of, you know, polished sausages and whiners.
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And I'd be, dang, dude, her boyfriend, this dude, you know, and he was busted up on them boulders, on them baby boulders.
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You know, heating them up with a lighter and taking them into his brain.
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And letting the squirrels run through his fucking cerebralities.
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And this dude's out there and he's taking my sister to a nudist colony weenie grill out.
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It sounds like something you'd pay extra to go to at one of these raves.
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You know, for an extra $150, you can get that special nudist colony wristband.
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Well, we'll take you guys behind the gymnasium.
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They got about 50 naked people hopped up on Mali, you know, grilling up a package of them Johnston brats.
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And my stepdad used to grill up Johnston brats for us all the time.
00:16:01.700
And everybody in the neighborhood thought he was a cop, but he wasn't.
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And so, you know, he got a discount on that car, but I'll be damned if we didn't get all frisked.
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Everywhere we went, people frisking me thought I had a wire on.
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And also, why is this 40-year-old man frisking me?
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And so, anyway, man, but my sister, yeah, you know, what was I talking about?
00:16:48.200
But, yeah, dude, they took, you know, like my sister, she got caught up out there on a little bit of that, you know, on a little bit of that, you know, that face fire.
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And she ended up going, she went up, she went rock climbing up to a nudist colony and ended up having lunch out there with them.
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And in hindsight, look, at least the guy took her to do things, you know?
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And you can say that's messed up, but also, I bet there's a lot of people sitting around out there jealous right now that your man or your woman's never took you out there for anything special like that.
00:17:23.140
Never took you out there for anything brave and did a little bit of bravery.
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She likes to get out there and be out there like that.
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But, yeah, thanks for calling and thanks for coming out there to Oklahoma.
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You know, they had a lot of good people came out.
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You know, we had a couple of beautiful multiracial couples.
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Because the future, bro, that shit is the future is mauve.
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You know, the future is a little bit, is mildly copper.
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You know, the future's got that, you know, it's multifaceted.
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Because they got a lot of people out there trying to get theirs.
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And those people are the ones that, that's the team I'm on right there.
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You know, and you ain't got to cripple nobody in your wake.
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You know, you don't have to run around with a, with a, with a wheelbarrow of plaster of Paris.
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And, you know, and just be crippling people in your wake and then putting them in the casts.
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You know, and patching people up after you fucking them up to get yours.
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You know, you can make it, you can make your way.
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Because, you know, I get in some of these places and it's, you know, I just, you know, I notice the things that get me are, there's a lot of people out there that don't want to try.
00:19:06.500
You know, and it's unfortunate if they can't try, if they, you know, if there's something preventing them from making an effort, if they have fear.
00:19:12.840
But some people, they just, they don't want to.
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And you can stay where you are physically, that's fine.
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I don't think that that's, I don't think that that's using the gift that we have here, this time here.
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You know, if you're not trying to make a move, even emotionally.
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You're not trying to stay in motion intellectually.
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You know, you're not trying to challenge yourself in some type of way.
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You know, I can't, I can't, you know, I'm just realizing I don't have the, I don't have the time.
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I don't have the effort to, to, to just mill around.
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Or I'm going to get out there and I'm going to go spelunk until I find a dang nudist calling it.
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And you can see everybody's crotch at the same time.
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I mean, if that ain't beauty, I don't know what is.
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But it's about, I think that, I think that universe thing is just a clue for us.
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There's too much opportunity these days to just completely stay stagnant.
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But the thing is, is just take one little step.
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Because even old ant arms, even old ant arms came out to the show and got his laughter.
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And got that Calamon lotion of love in his ears.
00:21:20.200
But I had a great time and I appreciate that call.
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I know I'm in and out of things here, but that's how I am.
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And especially, look, I'm trying to get settled.
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And then Monday I came and went to, went over to Vegas.
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And then this coming weekend I'll be in Calgary.
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So, dude, I'm straight up jumping continents, baby.
00:21:53.340
And then I'll be at Timbler Brewing in Bakersfield next weekend.
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And that is sold out, but they added a second show.
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But I went and saw Joey Diaz and man, he just, you know, he's that special level of human.
00:22:08.280
And we got to watch him, uh, tape his Netflix special.
00:22:14.440
You know, because especially after all that hard work, there's that thing where you want that.
00:22:20.280
You know, you never know what's going to make a comedian or a person or a father or a businessman or a banker or a delivery boy.
00:22:31.220
You never know what they're, you know, what's the thing that's going to make them feel complete.
00:22:38.820
You never know what's going to make them feel, you know, complete.
00:22:42.400
What's going to make them feel, you know, what that little thing is out there that's going to make them feel like, oh, I do my job well.
00:22:50.180
You know, it might be that you're, uh, you know, you might be somebody that, you know, um, you might be somebody that, that paints.
00:23:03.060
And everybody's trying to get you to paint this and paint that, you know, oh, won't you paint this picture of these apples, paint this bowl of fruit.
00:23:12.200
I'm shocked at the level of people that fucking paint fruit.
00:23:18.940
Think how many pictures of fruit are out there.
00:23:21.600
And every now and then somebody pick up some paints and some poster board and thinks they're going to do it different or better.
00:23:41.700
Do you have, uh, Jim Henson's hand up your ass?
00:23:44.680
Because they already have 11 million pictures of fruit and you're going to get out there and you're going to do that banana different.
00:23:52.720
And so it's, you know, sometimes it's like, but you don't know when that painter, people tell him to paint this, paint that.
00:23:58.500
And you don't know for him and he might want to paint a house.
00:24:04.220
You know, he might, he might want to wake old Janet up with a couple of, with that can of, uh, remember that spray paint?
00:24:13.440
So you knew when somebody about to light you up, boy.
00:24:19.040
And then that shit, boy, dude, you could spray paint somebody's eyes shut.
00:24:26.220
They had this boy in our neighborhood growing up.
00:24:34.700
They'd lacquered his fucking eyes shut so bad, dude.
00:24:36.980
He had, they were closed for about six weeks because his dad got pissed.
00:24:41.060
He didn't want anybody touching his son after that.
00:24:44.840
And the mom was like, well, you know, they shut it.
00:24:47.520
They, you know, they spray painted his eyes shut.
00:24:50.240
And the dad's like, I don't give a damn what they did.
00:24:54.220
And so then fricking, uh, dark Benjamin had to just chill out, bro.
00:25:01.060
You know, and he, and I remember his mom even, uh, he was probably eight years old.
00:25:07.440
His mom put him in a damn baby stroller and took him around for safety.
00:25:10.420
And then he hit a growth spurt, even while his dad was out of town just for about six
00:25:14.600
weeks, he hit a growth spurt and they put him on a little, uh, dolly, like one of those
00:25:19.460
little, um, a hand truck, one of those little dollies you use to move a bunch of boxes at
00:25:23.760
once where you set them and you lean that metal thing back and it kind of props them.
00:25:26.900
It's got two wheels and do dark Benjamin, his aunt, his mom and his aunt who was, you
00:25:32.600
know, honestly fully lesbian, they were pushing on, you know, they'd be pushing just wheeling
00:25:37.720
dark Benjamin around cause he had his eyes all caulked shut.
00:25:41.160
Um, you know, from, cause they spray painted over his eyes with one of those hard cans
00:25:53.860
So, so yeah, you just never, uh, but you never know what somebody's, you know, what their,
00:26:01.820
What's the thing that makes them feel, oh, okay, I did it.
00:26:04.380
You know, it might be if you a pizza delivery boy for you, it might be, okay, if I get to
00:26:09.040
deliver pizza and then I get invited into a threesome or something, you know, or maybe
00:26:14.480
somebody lets me, you know, maybe somebody, the lady's going to lay there naked and let
00:26:18.720
me look at her junk while she have a couple slices, you know, it might be something like
00:26:24.160
Um, you never know if for the painter person, it might be, okay, yeah, they paint somebody's
00:26:29.380
eyes shut or maybe they paint, you know, they paint, um, a whole street in their neighborhood.
00:26:35.300
They paint it yellow with a can of house paint.
00:26:37.920
So next thing you know, you got that eggshell, you got that eggshell yellow street out there.
00:26:45.060
That might be like, oh, the thing that's, that makes them feel complete.
00:26:47.600
And so for, yeah, for, for comedians, you don't know what it is.
00:26:54.200
Once they get to be out on tour, it's, you know, that's their, you know, they, they, they
00:26:59.860
had that Kerouac in them and they just wanted to be on tour and be free and, you know, had
00:27:04.540
that feeling of walking through the airport with their bag in their hand and showing up
00:27:10.380
And, you know, that's their thing that makes them feel full and to other people, it may
00:27:16.280
be that they have to be on Madison square gardens, you know, when they got to be out there on
00:27:21.420
Madison square gardens doing it for some people, it may be that, you know, they just need to
00:27:28.240
perform at the, for the local garden club and they'll feel complete.
00:27:32.860
It's just, you don't know what somebody's, you know, what somebody's top gear is, what
00:27:37.480
somebody is, what their, what makes them feel complete, what answers that question, you
00:27:43.680
know, or, or, or acknowledges that fire in them, you know, what feeds that, how they
00:27:49.620
going to stop me, what they going to do about me, you know, until we get to certain parts
00:27:59.980
But I could imagine, I don't know, but I could imagine that Joey Diaz doing a Netflix special
00:28:05.740
that that was, that that was something for him, you know, and I, and I, and for me, and
00:28:12.880
I could be wrong and I'm happy to be wrong, dude, been wrong most of my life, but I think
00:28:18.260
I felt that a little, that he was, you know, he just felt like it, like it, it didn't complete
00:28:24.160
him, but just like that, that it was a stamp of approval, you know, and not from his, look,
00:28:32.340
everybody, everybody, so many people know he's one of the greats, just this industry,
00:28:36.920
because this industry isn't, it's not about who's, who's good anymore, who's the best,
00:28:41.360
this industry's on a something else, they're doing something else, and, and I don't think
00:28:46.780
it's working as effectively, because now they're coming across the tracks, because they want
00:28:50.120
to talk to these real boys over here, and these real girls over here, and they want to talk
00:28:55.020
to people who, who, who actually have a real story to tell, they want to talk to people
00:29:00.840
who have a chip on their shoulder, because that's where it comes from, man, for me, that
00:29:05.780
humor, it comes out of, it comes, it's a necessity, you know, it's just, it's a dandruff, it's
00:29:16.600
a dandruff of my spirit, it's something that has to, that has to come off of me, and has
00:29:23.360
to come out of me, just for me to feel okay, so there it is, man, but that's a little bit,
00:29:29.740
I guess, of what's been happening this week, and I, I just had a great time, man, I, I just
00:29:35.560
had such a great time over there in, in Oklahoma, we went over to University of Arkansas, I got
00:29:42.600
to see Bill and Hillary's old fuck pad, you know, they had, the house were built, and
00:29:46.860
Bill Clinton and Hillary Clinton, I guess, I mean, had sex at least once for Chelsea, you
00:29:54.860
know, and, but dude, you could tell, boy, when you're riding around that town, you could
00:29:59.500
feel that old Billy was definitely, because they have a lot of hills in that area, and
00:30:03.520
they got a lot of hay bales, and I bet they called them hay bills, because you could see
00:30:08.880
old Billy, old Billy Cleesey, William Clinton, slipping off behind a hay bale, you know what
00:30:17.220
I'm saying, and establishing some real jurisdiction back there.
00:30:20.820
Yeah, but it was beautiful, man, look, I'll tell you this, beautiful school, University
00:30:25.680
of Arkansas, I thought it was going to be like this, look, I had my druthers about it, I
00:30:29.000
had my, you know, I was like, oh, this place is going to be like this, or like this, I mean,
00:30:34.100
you're talking to a, you know, I went to Louisiana State University for a while, and so certainly
00:30:38.400
even were a rival, but man, I was, I was thoroughly impressed, beautiful school, a lot of, a lot
00:30:46.440
of, um, a lot of, uh, a lot of construction going on, a lot of different, um, gradients
00:30:54.880
of land, so you got, you know, a hill will just pop up out of nowhere, so it just adds
00:30:59.560
some different levels, you know, and hills, I mean, you know, you got a hill, the good
00:31:06.660
thing about a hill is something can happen behind it, when you're out there on the flat,
00:31:10.460
flat land, dude, you don't, you know what I'm saying, you ain't going to have that much
00:31:14.600
fun, but you got a hill, boy, even if you just got a, like I said, if you even just got
00:31:20.620
a hay bale, boy, if you got that little makeshift freaking land pimple, then damn, anything could
00:31:28.860
happen right behind that thing, boy, but it was nice to see, man, look, I'll say this,
00:31:33.400
Bill and Hillary had a nice little home over there, you know, they had a nice little home,
00:31:38.520
and I bet if you get up in there, they probably got some, uh, dirt, I bet they got some dirty
00:31:41.860
drawings, you know, hidden under the floorboards, a little bit of, uh, you know, some different
00:31:47.860
pictures of cooter and all of that, because I'll say this, I remember when I was young,
00:31:52.480
they had a man who, um, and I've told this on Joe Rogan's before, they had this dude named
00:31:58.180
Nick, and Nick for $4 would draw you a picture of some, you know, some sweet crotch for the
00:32:04.380
weekend, so on Thursday night, you give Nick your money, on Friday, he shows up, you know,
00:32:10.840
with that little hitter, with that baby sketch, you know, that sketch, uh, that'll, I mean,
00:32:16.460
this sketch will just, dude, even when you saw him pull the papers out of his pocket,
00:32:20.640
you'd get a little bit erect, you know, and so that was kind of scary, because you wanted
00:32:25.120
to get you a little picture and go look at it, and this dude could draw some serious,
00:32:30.600
you know, it was general, it was general, you know, I'm not trying to be crass, but it
00:32:35.200
was general labia, general whatever, you know, wasi, and he would draw it up, but man, if
00:32:41.320
you got that little, you got one of Nick's little $4 hitters, man, you'd use that thing
00:32:45.060
all weekend, at 13, 14 years old, dude, I'd rent out the bathroom at my house and just
00:32:51.160
stay in that thing all weekend, just learning about my body, uh, and so I bet, I bet, uh,
00:32:59.400
sweet Billy Clinton had a few of those hidden in the walls over there, because there's no
00:33:03.540
denying that that man, you know, prefers female genitalia to his own, and I think that that's
00:33:10.860
okay, too, I think that that's okay, I think it's obviously that he's in an arranged marriage
00:33:15.580
where he's allowed to do that sort of thing, or was allowed, anyway, I think it, you know,
00:33:23.120
these days, it's, uh, these guys are getting a little bit older, um, what else, man, I will
00:33:29.120
let you know that this episode is brought to you by Gray Block Pizza at 1811 Pico Boulevard,
00:33:34.080
uh, Gray Block has that salad pizza, and that's in Los Angeles, and they got all types of different
00:33:38.900
pizza, you know, they got the Bella Goat, you know, they got a couple of different items,
00:33:43.680
man, I'll read you one or two right here, they got them Calzones, they got them Beverages,
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they got the Venice, the Deep Cheese, the Frenchie, they got the Hunter, the Buster,
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spinach, button mushrooms, onions, tequila lime marinated chicken with mozzarella cheese
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on a garlic pesto sauce, Gray Block Pizza, get that hitter, oh, let's take this call,
00:34:08.020
hey, Theo, uh, just want to get your thoughts on something, I've listened to a lot of your
00:34:12.600
podcasts, and I've noticed that, uh, that you always talk about how out in Hollywood and L.A.,
00:34:18.800
and it's hard for, uh, somebody from the South to kind of get accepted and get jobs, and, uh,
00:34:25.740
expect, and also the media kind of knocks on people from the South, but, um, I want to know
00:34:30.780
your thoughts that here in Georgia that they, uh, Hollywood films a ton of movies in Georgia,
00:34:37.240
and they have studios in Atlanta, uh, Marvel's done some stuff here, I know Tyler Perry's got a
00:34:43.020
huge studio here, and I just wanted to hear your thoughts on that, they knocked this out so much,
00:34:48.300
but they got no problems coming here and, uh, filming all their movies.
00:34:52.280
No, look, this is a great question, this is a great comment, I appreciate you calling about this.
00:34:57.760
You know, when I was growing up, an escape for me, I didn't like my life when I was growing up,
00:35:03.160
you know, and I didn't feel comfortable, you know, I grew up in an area that was a lot of, uh, poverty,
00:35:09.000
and I'm not, you know, I'm not looking for any, um, sympathy here, or empathy, I don't know which
00:35:14.760
one, actually, I don't know the difference between them, but, uh, but, you know, I grew up scared,
00:35:20.740
you know, they had a lot of dangerous white kids around me, a lot, you know, and they had a lot of
00:35:24.820
dangerous black kids around me, you know, because when you're, when you're in a poor,
00:35:27.880
poor area, and there's, and there's, you know, extreme poverty, I don't care if those kids are
00:35:32.600
black or white, a lot of them can be some real assholes, and, uh, and it was scary, it was scary,
00:35:39.840
dude, I'm not afraid to say that shit now as an adult, man, it wasn't, it wasn't cool,
00:35:44.000
you know, it was like staying at a Ramada, so it, uh, so yeah, it was, it was alarming, man,
00:35:51.180
and I used television and, you know, things I would see that Hollywood created as like,
00:35:55.160
oh, that's, you know, that's my life, that's what I could have, I, you know, I love storytelling,
00:36:00.400
I loved all of that, and so, you know, eventually, I, you know, I ended up in Hollywood, and I ended
00:36:07.220
up out here, and I ended up thinking, oh, well, this is a place I can come to all this time, I
00:36:10.600
could go there, and, you know, you know, it always seems like this place where you can go there and
00:36:15.200
make your dreams come, become a reality, and, you know, everybody's welcome, and this and that,
00:36:19.880
and then I get there, and, you know, it's been tough, I mean, there's no southern accent, you
00:36:27.640
cannot find a southern accent on television, I don't feel like, I mean, especially on network TV,
00:36:34.680
name one, name one actor with a southern accent on network television, in the past 20 years,
00:36:43.020
I can't even name one, and I'm, and I'm totally happy to be wrong, there may be one or two,
00:36:47.420
I mean, Blake Shelton, you know, he's not an actor, but it's like Reba, you had Reba,
00:36:54.640
which is one of the best shows ever, but it's just, you know, it doesn't feel super welcome,
00:37:00.560
and then you have a lot of, you know, a lot of celebrities make fun of people from other areas
00:37:05.140
of the country that don't live in LA, or don't live in New York, or don't have a lot of money,
00:37:10.320
you know, they make fun of people like, where I'm from, you know, and that's, and it just,
00:37:14.940
I don't know, it has left a sore taste in my mouth, you know, but it doesn't mean I'm gonna
00:37:20.060
stop, you know, trying to achieve some of my dreams, or achieve some of my goals, but at the
00:37:25.520
same time, you're right, brother, that Hollywood at the same time, because, you know, California lets
00:37:30.560
so many, you know, they're so open to everyone, and so open to this or that, or whatever, that
00:37:36.020
they're, that they don't get the tax breaks, it's too expensive to shoot here anymore, because
00:37:41.820
the state's, you know, the budget's so bad, I mean, they're probably, who knows what they
00:37:46.420
spent all the money doing, I don't know, probably cleaning up all the shit in San Francisco off
00:37:51.460
of the street, dude, have you been to San Francisco?
00:37:53.980
Well, I don't even recommend it, it's just people, just judgment and shit on the street,
00:37:59.620
but I'll say this, man, but then, so then, they'll go to our southern cities and get the
00:38:05.520
tax breaks, happily, oh, they'll happily come over to Atlanta and get those tax breaks,
00:38:10.680
they'll happily go shoot in Wilmington, New Orleans, you know, it's like they just use
00:38:16.620
you, that's the thing, it just, so I don't know, I guess I just feel a little bit, I don't
00:38:22.240
know, I don't feel taken advantage of, but I feel like once you get to Hollywood and you
00:38:26.080
see what's really going on, you see sometimes the hypocrisy of it, and it's a little bit
00:38:32.040
sad, you know, and I don't like sometimes how, it's the same way how the news always makes
00:38:37.720
fun of, you know, the South, they always say these people are so racist, these people
00:38:41.920
are this or that, but, you know, but, and I've said this before, but a lot of black people
00:38:50.180
had to beg to be on the Academy Awards two years ago, there's tons of Latino people in
00:38:56.940
America who aren't included in shit, but they don't even raise that big of a deal about it,
00:39:02.280
because they're usually just having a great time, but man, it's just like, I don't know,
00:39:08.760
I just wish, you know, we would just look at it the way it really is, that none of us
00:39:14.900
are perfect, and we've, a lot of shit's messed up, and that this is a dirty business out here,
00:39:20.940
you know, so it's just a matter of how I conduct my own business, that's all I try and worry
00:39:24.960
about, but it is, I think it is messed up, you know, a lot of these, a lot of, a lot of
00:39:31.120
Hollywood, you know, elites will make fun of the places that were, where we are from, but
00:39:37.220
then they'll come there and get those tax breaks, won't they, and that's one thing I've realized,
00:39:41.880
man, that money isn't loyal, and so I'm just gonna keep doing me, and I'm gonna keep doing
00:39:47.120
my thing, you know, and, you know, and sometimes I realize I gotta take back a little bit of
00:39:56.000
that childhood angst that I had, you know, I gotta keep a little bit of that edge, what
00:40:00.520
are they gonna do about me, because be honest, I don't think they expected a kid like me to
00:40:05.960
get out here, I really don't, I don't think they expected a kid off of McGee Street to get
00:40:15.280
out here, and be on the top stages coming in after, you know, some of these big cats,
00:40:21.740
and these big dogs, and perform, you know, before and after some of the greats, I don't
00:40:27.200
think they expected it, you know, and I'm not saying that I'm anything special, but I'm
00:40:33.520
saying that I'm here, you know, and I know a lot of great people in this town, and I know
00:40:41.260
a lot of great people that work hard and wanna do good stuff, but I don't like that thing
00:40:46.400
where they look at me, or they hear the, you know, my southern accent, I mean, you wanna
00:40:51.260
talk about people not being welcome, if there's one group on television or two, you know, I'd
00:40:58.320
say it seems to me Vietnamese people and southern, anyone with a southern accent, I mean, you don't
00:41:07.900
see a lot of them on television, so, just seems, seem pretty much, you know, like, if it, is this
00:41:18.480
for everybody? Nah, is it? Nah, I mean, but it's just crazy to get all the way this far, and then
00:41:26.900
look around and be like, damn, I'm not, am I even allowed here? Shit ain't for everybody, so, but you gotta
00:41:33.900
make your own way, you gotta make your whole, you gotta make your fold, you know, and I think
00:41:38.480
some of the ways you do it, you know, and that's one thing I gotta keep, I can't, you know, you can
00:41:43.580
have a chip on your shoulder, but you can't really, because it, you know, you have to want, you have
00:41:50.420
to want the best for everybody, and you can't work always the best from a place of anger, and that's
00:41:55.860
one thing I've learned over the time, is that I think I used to be a little too angry, so now, most of the
00:42:01.400
time, I try and look more at the positive, you know, and I try to think more about the
00:42:04.760
possibility, you know, and I, and I don't try to think as much, they don't want me, I try to think
00:42:10.480
that this is going to be a little bit harder for me, but thankfully, you know, the life that my
00:42:17.740
higher power has put me through is, it's, it's been a little tricky here and there, you know, and I
00:42:23.760
think that's one thing that I'm grateful for, because then I can relate to other people who their life
00:42:27.400
has been tricky, you know, and even if it's been different, tricky, you know, I'm talking to a
00:42:32.900
buddy of mine the other day, through AA, a black friend of mine, and that's all I'll say, you know,
00:42:38.060
because you're not supposed to share a lot about him, but while he's talking, man, I'm looking in
00:42:42.740
his eyes, dude, and I can feel like, just this connect, like, just like a crazy connection, man,
00:42:49.080
and I'm not saying nobody was trying to get their nuts out or anything like that, or put softener on
00:42:53.460
each other's bodies or anything like that, you know, or sometimes they used to have these two
00:42:57.780
gay men by us, and we'd catch them, sometimes they'd be doing a little bit of dust or burning,
00:43:02.380
you know, a couple packets of glass in a little pipe outside, and they would get some of that
00:43:07.740
downy freshener, and you'd see them out there in the backyard at night, they'd put a couple towels
00:43:12.600
on the ground and put downy freshener on each other's bodies, boy, and look, the only reason I
00:43:17.760
watched is because that shit smelled good, remember when you were a kid?
00:43:20.280
Dude, if you grew up in my neighborhood, you didn't have parents, dude, you had the smell
00:43:24.760
of downy freshener, I mean, if I smelled that downy freshener, man, it made me feel like
00:43:30.100
everything was okay, you know, I'd get that hit of downy freshener, and I felt like everything
00:43:35.440
was okay, man, I remember, you know, my father wasn't, you know, and I get sometimes a little
00:43:43.700
bit into this kind of stuff, and I don't want anything to be, you know, talk about family
00:43:48.100
stuff sometimes, I don't know if I could talk about some of this emo stuff too much,
00:43:51.900
but, you know, my father, one of the best memories that I have, or one, you know, thinking
00:43:57.540
about smells and how they take care of us at times, you know, and we'd see those man,
00:44:04.880
bruh, double Ricky, bruh, because both these dudes were named Ricky, these gay men, and they
00:44:10.300
were lovers, I think, or something, you know, and they were both real, real lean, because
00:44:15.060
they were out there, you know, these were rest area, these were a couple of rest area
00:44:19.300
bad boys, you'd see them out there by the interstate being bad boys, you know, and they
00:44:23.260
was smoking glass, and one of them worked up actually at a, you know, one of them just
00:44:29.500
rode a bicycle all the time, I don't know if that was a job, but he did it, and the other
00:44:34.540
one worked at auto body, you know, beating rust off of catalytic converters and shit like
00:44:40.600
that, making recyclables, you know, trying to get things, enough rust off of them for
00:44:46.000
them to be considered recyclable, so I don't know if that's also a job either, but anyhow,
00:44:50.880
you know, we would, oh, but another smell, I remember, you know, I mean, I've said this
00:45:00.000
before, the hardest working man I've ever known was my mom, and, and she had, she had
00:45:07.240
this cow skin, this cow skin rug in her room, and this is before animal rights, this is when
00:45:13.860
animals didn't care, that a lot of animals believed that they were here to sacrifice
00:45:17.700
their lives so the rest of us could eat and stay warm and stuff like that, and a lot of
00:45:22.740
animals still do, there are some animals that don't think that, and they, you know, were
00:45:26.400
raised in hell, but there are some that, that are still okay with that, because, you
00:45:30.820
know, animals believe in reincarnation, do you know that, yeah, that's the one thing
00:45:34.100
that's pretty cool about animals, they believe that when they die, they come right back as
00:45:37.540
another animal, and even a cuter animal, so, I mean, if I were, you know, if I were a armadillo,
00:45:45.740
I'd straight up, I'd take my own life, boy, you know, and come back as a damn juice,
00:45:50.420
beautiful little koala, but, but my mom had this cow skin rug in her room, or, and I
00:45:59.140
remember sometimes I'd lay in there, and my mom would, you know, my mom worked so much,
00:46:04.100
the only time I get to spend a lot of time with her was, at night, I would watch her
00:46:07.620
get ready, brush her teeth, and floss her teeth, and, you know, she, you know, have her
00:46:12.860
nightgown on, and she'd put on, you know, lotion, and just be like a lady, you know, do lady
00:46:17.120
type of stuff, nothing wild or anything perverted, you know, and, but I would lay
00:46:22.800
there on that rug, and I'd put my body, my face up next to that cow skin, next to that
00:46:27.760
hide, and I'd inhale that smell, and there was just that, that leather smell, you know,
00:46:34.580
that's, that manly, that leather, you know, just that, you know, the embodiment of
00:46:41.680
Clint, you know, like a Clint Eastwood, or the Ponderosa, or, you know, Montana, anything
00:46:47.020
that seemed manly or virile, it came into my senses through that hide, and it almost,
00:46:54.520
it filled my brain almost with like a father figure type of smell, and I remember at those
00:47:01.220
moments were some of the moments that I felt most, like familial, if that makes any sense,
00:47:08.600
most okay, you know, most part of, you know, like I had two moons, you know, like I had,
00:47:17.620
you know, like paint, like it was just the most time where I felt like both my parents were very
00:47:21.340
present, and that was when, you know, in the evenings when I would see my mother, you know,
00:47:26.060
in a very womanly way, you know, you know, she'd have put her hair up, or, you know, and, you know,
00:47:34.180
my women would put, you know, nothing perverted, but just, you know, she'd be in her night robe,
00:47:39.140
and, you know, you'd smell like, you know, lotion, arm lotion, and all of that, and, and,
00:47:46.860
and then I'd have that same smell of the, of the hide from the cow, and it would make me feel
00:47:53.420
parented, if that means anything, and I know that's bizarre, but, you know, you just don't know where a
00:47:59.060
smell is going to come into you, and how it's going to resonate inside of you, and make you feel,
00:48:04.000
but, but yeah, so, you know, but I, I got to live these days out here, and not, not come from a place
00:48:10.920
of anger, because I don't want to come from that place anyway, but every now and then, dude, I, I would
00:48:16.300
be lying if I say that I didn't feel unwelcome here sometimes, but I'm not going to give up, and
00:48:24.420
because, you know why, because I don't want there to be, here's what I don't think, I don't think
00:48:30.180
that you teach anybody anything by making them feel unwelcome, you know, I don't think you, man,
00:48:37.240
I remember, especially whenever the election was going on and stuff, dude, I mean, people looked
00:48:44.300
at me like I was, you know, like I, like I was, like, you know, just people that had never even
00:48:50.720
been to the towns I'm from, or the places I've lived, or the places you might have lived, people
00:48:56.840
that have never even been there, look, just say, acting like people that are from these places are
00:49:02.040
shit, or aren't as good as them, or aren't worth, you know, being around them, because they might have
00:49:08.660
some different thoughts, or different beliefs, or they might just live in a different world,
00:49:13.160
you know, it's, it, you know, it, and I don't want that, that's what I don't want, I want there
00:49:23.080
to be, because that doesn't help anybody, because now, if there's a kid sitting at home, where I was
00:49:28.180
sitting, and he's watching, and he's listening to, you know, one of his favorite celebrities, and
00:49:32.700
they're telling him that the people from his town, or his parents, just because they voted a certain
00:49:37.080
way, or they behave a certain way, or not behave, but, because I don't mean behavior, but, because
00:49:43.200
they're from an area where, you know, that is more conservative, or has more, I don't know,
00:49:52.220
fucking owns an animal that lives outdoors, what about that, has a dog that sleeps on the porch,
00:49:57.700
that suddenly, that they're bad people, because that doesn't help that kid, you know, that doesn't
00:50:03.880
help the next me, that's somewhere, that doesn't help him, it doesn't help him, in fact, it just
00:50:09.980
makes him angry, it just makes him angry, and if he's already has a lot of, like, questions in his
00:50:15.360
mind, then it, not only does it make him angry at the celebrity that he cared about, but then it also
00:50:19.160
makes him angry, it could even make him angry at his parents, and so then where does he have,
00:50:25.300
you know, because the, or what if he used Hollywood as an escape, you know, some of these shows,
00:50:29.460
and now his favorite, his favorite celebrities are judging him, it just, it doesn't do anything,
00:50:33.880
there's no solution there, there's no solution, I don't think, anyway, and I'm okay to be wrong
00:50:40.340
with that, so, you know, I want a kid, if they see me, or they hear me talking about it, they're
00:50:47.040
like, oh, this kid can do it, you know, this kid sounds a little bit like me, you know, because,
00:50:55.080
look, I get it, people live in different Americas, dude, they are different, you know, and I,
00:51:03.120
and I even go, it's like, you know, people talk about, remember when they had the statues
00:51:06.580
in Louisiana, and they were taking the statues down in New Orleans, and I can totally see
00:51:11.460
it, I see it, you know, like, if there's a statue, and it represents a, you know, if
00:51:18.480
the general was a slave owner, or something like that, and, you know, and half the city's
00:51:22.040
population is black, and that makes, I get that, I understand it, it doesn't make a ton of
00:51:28.040
sense, but that's also, I remember growing up in that area, and we would go meet at the,
00:51:35.440
at the Robert E. Lee statue, and everybody would meet up, and have fun together, black
00:51:40.980
or white, and it was at the statue, nobody there gave a fuck, so, then it's just this
00:51:50.820
outside judgment comes in, and look, sometimes, you know, and then maybe sometimes it's an evolution
00:51:56.180
of time, and, you know, different, another generation starts to have a different perspective,
00:52:01.180
and that's fine, I get it, you know, and since the statues have been taken down, I don't think
00:52:07.440
most people give a dang, but I just don't like some of that judgment when people who don't
00:52:13.160
live somewhere start saying, oh, this is how it needs to be over there, you know, just
00:52:19.680
because those people live by the water, as Bill Burr says, just because you think, just
00:52:23.740
because you live by the water, you think you're, you know it all, it's just not fair, it's
00:52:28.340
not, because you don't, you don't know what it's like there, you don't live there, you
00:52:33.060
live where you live, and if just you're bored because your life's so comfortable, oh, lucky
00:52:38.100
you, you know, and I live here now, so it's, I mean, it's been interesting, man, I didn't
00:52:44.700
mean to go so deep on this, but, you know, things happen, man, let's take a call right here
00:52:49.940
on the hotline, dude, I got some, this, we have the best calls ever, I believe, have
00:52:54.780
come in on this episode, I'm so grateful for anybody that has hit the hotline, you
00:52:59.060
can always hit the hotline if you have any thoughts or suggestions or commentary on anything
00:53:07.140
that's being discussed on this podcast, don't feel like you don't have a voice, the number
00:53:12.660
is 985-664-9503, this episode is brought to you by Spectre, Spectre is a binary options
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what it takes at the Spectre link below and in the episode notes, all right let's get into a call
00:54:47.300
right now, here we go, what's up Theo, this is Kelby out here in Kentucky man, in southern Kentucky,
00:54:54.040
wow, Kelby in southern Kentucky, I didn't know there was a southern Kentucky really, that's
00:55:01.240
a double entendre, thank you for calling Kelby onward, and I just had a question on what you
00:55:08.760
might be thinking, I am 23 years old and I have, you know, developed a little bit of baldness
00:55:17.320
on the top, okay boy, you got that baby's ass on the top, huh, that's beautiful dude,
00:55:23.040
dude in some countries that's a sign of, you know, hope, I think in Japan that's a sign
00:55:30.360
of hope, if you don't have any hair on your head people, you know, people think, oh man
00:55:35.380
I hope, I hope he's okay with that, maybe, onward, and I decided to shave my head about
00:55:42.780
a year ago and I've been doing it ever since, now since then, people who once knew me have
00:55:48.240
asked me questions such as, am I racist now, damn dude, that's, I don't mean to laugh bro,
00:55:56.860
that is hilarious, yeah, look, this is, bro, this goes perfectly in what we're talking about,
00:56:02.080
just because you have a southern accent now, and because you want to have a haircut, suddenly
00:56:06.920
you're racist, you know, that's like people, just because they see my haircut, they ask,
00:56:12.460
am I a lesbian, totally messed up, let's hear more, or made jokes that I'm a skinhead, and
00:56:20.600
I think, you know, maybe they're involved a little bit in the dark arts, because who's
00:56:25.960
to be judging me after I just changed my appearance a little, it's so true, man, it's so
00:56:31.960
true, you know, just because you gotta, how many options you got, you about hit it, you
00:56:37.820
about hit it, how many options you got, Kirby, sorry, it's not Kirby, what is it, damn, I don't
00:56:45.620
want to go back and check, let me think, Kirby, nope, it's, I'm sorry, I'm not trying to butcher
00:56:53.700
your name here, but I sometimes like to guess things instead of, you know, just check what
00:56:57.960
they are, hey, Theo, this is, uh, Kerb, um, Kerb, um, Berkey, it's not Berkey, Berkey,
00:57:08.500
nah, uh, but yeah, dude, sorry, I can't guess it, but yeah, it's fucked up, right, just because
00:57:14.080
you have a certain style of cut, now suddenly, uh, you know, you're a white supremacist, or,
00:57:20.340
you know, you're gonna start a gang in prison, just because you can't fucking grow any hair,
00:57:24.500
just because God don't want you to have hair, doesn't mean he then wants you to be part of
00:57:30.380
some vile group, let's hear more, and, you know, my accent doesn't help, and I know that,
00:57:35.940
but I just wanted your opinion on young guys who maybe have to make a big change in their
00:57:43.380
appearance that wasn't their choice, but just something that our old mother nature had planned
00:57:49.180
for him. And look, man, I'll say this, I think, I think it's probably, A, I bet at a certain point
00:57:56.480
it's relaxing to have that hair, to have no hair, you know, because it's, in a way, it's kind of,
00:58:02.440
it's almost just like letting your hair grow and just go anywhere, it's like the opposite of that,
00:58:06.540
but it's the same thing, you know, you don't have to worry about it. Dude, I used to worry so much,
00:58:11.420
um, brother Kirby, I'm gonna call you brother Kirby now, because I don't, you know, I don't want to go
00:58:16.440
back and listen, because I don't want to, I'll go listen, all right, what is it? What's up, Theo,
00:58:24.240
this is Kelby out here in Kentucky, man, and, sir, Kelby, thank you, Kelby, I'm sorry, um, yeah,
00:58:32.140
Kelby, it's, uh, you know, it's not, it's, it's messed up, you know, that's just how you're gonna be,
00:58:39.700
but I bet it is relaxing, because I noticed when I start, I used to have a regular haircut,
00:58:43.640
man, clean cut, and I was always trying, I always felt like I had to look a certain way,
00:58:48.040
and my, you know, and I was thinking, oh, I wish, you know, I mean, I wish my neck was longer,
00:58:52.780
and I still wish that my neck was just a, you know, just a little bit longer, not much,
00:58:57.120
and I've actually even kind of figured it out, I think I almost, pretty much just wish about
00:59:00.500
three-eighths of an inch, but, but, you know, I had all these little things, and it was just so
00:59:06.020
stressful, you know, and I always, I'm always, you know, I got a big nose, and I got big ears,
00:59:11.500
and I got, you know, my eyes look like I don't know a lot, if you look, if you look in my eyes,
00:59:18.160
you know, it just, I got all these things that made me feel inferior, you know, and I just,
00:59:24.740
and I was always just standing in a way to, oh, let me, uh, stand up straight, and, uh, just put your
00:59:32.880
chin out a little, so you have a little more chin, and, um, and, uh, don't, don't, uh, look at anything,
00:59:40.200
like, like, in the center of your face, because you'll look cross-eyed, just all these things,
00:59:45.040
just so I could try and appear normal, and then, one day, man, that all got lifted off of me,
00:59:52.260
and I just said, I don't give a dime, and I just let this shit roll out of my head,
01:00:03.600
I just let my hair grow out, man, and I just made sure that I was brushing my teeth,
01:00:09.300
and that's when I started feeling okay, but, yeah, sometimes we have to change our appearance,
01:00:14.320
you know, and sometimes, you know, God changes our appearance, or, or the world around us changes
01:00:18.720
our appearance, or, you know, our, our life just changes our appearance, and we got to adapt,
01:00:24.820
and, you know, you might lose a leg, and suddenly, you got to tie off a lot of your pants, you know,
01:00:29.280
or you got to, you know, go to that pants, you know, that website that's just one side of,
01:00:34.120
of pants, but then you can get pants, you know, you can cut, or you could cut your original pants
01:00:40.040
into, um, you know, you can, uh, you can cut them in half, and just kind of have, you know,
01:00:47.720
and have two pairs of pants out of one pair of pants, almost, you can't really, though,
01:00:52.560
because you don't have the top part, but, but, you know, it's like, when we got to make those
01:00:57.160
adjustments, man, you got to do it, and in the end, it's about you feeling okay with it,
01:01:02.920
you know, when you're, when you, when you go bald, when you go that full natural,
01:01:06.780
there's a lot of fun things you can do, you could do a scented lotion,
01:01:10.560
you could do a mural, you could do some art, you could do a tattoo, and then, you know,
01:01:16.500
over the parts where the hair is going to grow back, so then you got that tattoo, but you also,
01:01:20.600
you know, your, you know, your hair is going to grow back over some of it,
01:01:23.740
so you could do something fancy like that, you could do Christmas earrings,
01:01:27.160
you can do some, you know, if you have your ears pierced, you can do beautiful Christmas earrings,
01:01:32.340
and do that, and be that party boy with them bells off his lobes,
01:01:35.680
so there's different options, there's different specialty, there's different specialty options
01:01:39.960
that you can do, and I hope you find some, some peace around there, let's hear a little bit more
01:01:45.260
of your call here, but, yeah, if, if you can give me any insight on that, I'd appreciate it, man,
01:01:52.340
and I, I really appreciate your podcast, I recently found it, and it's, it's did a lot of good for me
01:01:57.340
in trying to, uh, understand some of these things I've been thinking about.
01:02:02.040
And you know what you're saying right there, man, that I love to hear is thinking about.
01:02:07.160
Because that's what we got to be doing, Kelby, we have to be thinking about stuff.
01:02:10.780
You know, one thing I will notice, as much as there's so much, like, judgment about places
01:02:14.760
that aren't, you know, I notice there's a lot of judgment, man, I noticed it in San Francisco last
01:02:19.500
week. Dude, San Francisco, that place is, dude, for, I never felt as much judgment in my life
01:02:27.640
walking around there. L.A. has this kind of, like, you're not, you're too rich, uh, people
01:02:33.100
are too rich, they make you feel less than. But this other thing was happening in San Francisco
01:02:37.320
where it felt, and not everywhere in the Bay, I'm not saying that. I was out in Alameda
01:02:43.880
and people seemed down, you know, and people seemed a little bit more normal. I'm saying
01:02:47.740
in San Francisco, you know, and you had, first of all, it's so expensive there that even
01:02:55.900
if you, fuck, if you get locked out of your house for an hour, you might not be able to
01:03:00.180
afford to get back in. If you lock, if you lose your keys. So there's an element of that
01:03:05.180
going on where it's definitely, you know, it's way too expensive. So they, you know, for
01:03:11.900
as welcoming as it is, you, you're only welcome if you got money. Look, if you don't have money,
01:03:17.760
you ain't welcome. You know what I'm saying? That's like I was in, I was in, uh, um, Hawaii
01:03:25.880
two weeks ago, four, seven weeks ago, and they had a, uh, a TARDIS there and they had
01:03:32.040
an endangered TARDIS. And I, I went right up to it. You know, some lady's like, back
01:03:37.140
up, back up. She said, if you touch it, it's a $5,000 fine. If you touch that TARDIS
01:03:43.660
and I'm like, damn, so only rich people can touch it. That's all that is, you know? And
01:03:52.560
I don't mean that in a, I'm just said, that's the facts. You know, people price themselves
01:03:58.060
out so much. So then you have a bunch of people having to spend all this money to live somewhere
01:04:01.880
and they just seemed angry. They just seemed angry. I never felt as much kind of anger in
01:04:07.540
the air. But, but just as much as they look at places that don't want to seem progressive,
01:04:13.920
like places where I'm from, there's a thing that I don't like about places. Some of the
01:04:18.560
places where I'm from is people that don't want to be progressive in their thoughts.
01:04:22.700
We have to continue to think. We have to continue to think about different ways and not just
01:04:30.340
get set where we are. And do I have an answer on how to do that? Nah, man, I don't. I don't
01:04:37.660
really. But a lot of times if we can't think for ourselves or we can't find a different way,
01:04:42.060
sometimes just listening to somebody else that's different from us, you know, that can help
01:04:45.440
us a little bit. We might not agree with it, but we might get, if we get a little piece
01:04:49.460
of something from them, you know, but that's what I liked about this call, Kelby, is that
01:04:54.020
you're thinking, you know, you're not just sitting there thinking, fuck, you know, I'm
01:04:57.380
a bald-headed wildcat. I'm going to go join, you know, some type of damn, you know, you
01:05:02.840
know, I'm going to go to prison. Now, some people, they lose all their hair. They're like,
01:05:05.520
fuck, I need to go to prison now and join a cult or something or be a man's lover just
01:05:10.520
because, so it fits with my bald head, you know, where I need to be, you know, what other
01:05:18.800
job is somebody that's often kind of bald? Oh, there's always that bald guy that works
01:05:25.440
on the airlines. He's a male flight attendant. Some bald men will be like, oh, you know, I
01:05:30.060
lost all my hair. Now I need to, you know, suddenly start dating men and work for an airline.
01:05:34.940
But you're not doing that. You're just saying, hey, I lost all my hair. Now let me think.
01:05:38.480
Let me think about when I, you know, I don't like that people judge me just because I have
01:05:43.320
a Southern accent, man. It's the same type of shit where they, it's so many people saying
01:05:49.000
don't judge, don't judge. But then the second you see the, they take the low hanging fruit
01:05:54.240
like it's easy to be poor and white, man. It makes me upset sometimes, but, but that's
01:06:01.420
okay. You know, that's part of our journey, man. That's part of our journey is, uh, and we
01:06:07.060
all have it. And that's where I try to relate with people on is on their journey, man. You
01:06:11.940
know, but let's, uh, let's get another call right here. Here we go.
01:06:16.920
Hey, Theo, I had a, uh, self-esteem question for you, man. So.
01:06:23.340
Oh, and in middle school, I gained a whole bunch of weight. I was a heavy boy. Uh, I'm
01:06:31.020
Wow. A lot of Southerners today. Um, thank you for calling. You get, you gained some weight
01:06:35.180
in middle school. Let's go. A lot of weight. I developed, uh, breast. Oh, boy. Dude, I'll
01:06:42.600
tell you this story. You're making me think about this right now. And I'm not, I'm, um,
01:06:46.820
I'm not trying to interrupt you, but I'm going to, I'm going to interrupt you for a second,
01:06:50.360
man. They had this big boy when I was growing up and dude, he got them first. He got them
01:06:56.760
tots first, you know, and had one girl in our school that had them, but she was, uh, you
01:07:02.860
know, her family was, you know, heavily with the Lord and their dad locked, you know, they
01:07:07.200
kept, they got all the kids locked up in the yard. And about a year and a half later, I
01:07:11.640
felt, ended up feeling her breath through the book, through a barbed wire fence, you
01:07:15.380
know, catching that tat, you know, catching that tatay with my palm, just palming down
01:07:20.540
that fricking young, I don't even know if it was a tit yet, but it was going to be a
01:07:24.200
tit, you know, it was on a girl. So, and that still counts. And she let me touch that warm
01:07:29.300
lump and we were both children. So that's totally legal.
01:07:33.760
But I remember I used to go sleep at my buddy's house because he got tits kind of
01:07:37.960
first, you know, and he was a bigger boy, but man, I'd sleep over there, dude. And my,
01:07:43.400
dude, I swear, man, my penis would get so hard, bro. Not at him, but at the tits. And I would
01:07:48.160
even put my hands like this because I, so I wouldn't see the rest of his body. I would
01:07:52.740
just see the breasts, you know, because I wasn't thinking about men. I was just thinking
01:07:58.440
about tits, you know? And so I would just see it, you know, I would just make a little
01:08:05.500
kind of squint area where I could see them big, beautiful, you know, them just flash bulbs
01:08:12.220
of straight up, you know, them straight up leche duffels, you know, them beautiful bags.
01:08:18.400
And that's, and I would love that, man. And that's, man, I would just get so keyed up and
01:08:22.240
fired up. And I remember I'd get so erect sometimes as a child, I'd pass out. I'd be unconscious
01:08:27.340
because I would get, you know, cause I'm thinking that, you know, I, I got the, I'm
01:08:32.360
that, I got that strong, you know, I got, um, I got, it's not really a baby arm. I got,
01:08:39.000
it's like two baby's arms and his legs and he's standing straight up with his arms and
01:08:43.540
legs like that, you know, just in a straight line. I got that, I got that capacity. I got
01:08:48.600
that cock-pacity. And so when that thing takes on the blood, when it doesn't all call for
01:08:52.780
that blood and that hemoglobin do, when everything rushes into daddy's, you know, into
01:08:58.000
that big, into that ballast tank, the rest of me kind of sometimes will just faint. I
01:09:03.040
used to get erect and faint a lot as a child, but I remember first breaths I ever saw on
01:09:08.040
a beautiful, thick boy in my neighborhood and a friend of mine, he was. And, um, and I'll
01:09:14.080
say this, man, that there's nothing wrong with that. Let's hear more.
01:09:16.980
Man titty. They've been there ever since. You know, man titty.
01:09:22.220
I've been there ever since. I'm 27 now. Uh, I've lost a lot of weight. Uh, even in
01:09:28.180
the past, in the past year, I've lost 40 pounds.
01:09:31.740
Wow. Congratulations, man. I can't even imagine that. I can't even imagine the, um, the stick-to-it-iveness
01:09:37.680
it's taken to do that. So I hope you feel a lot of pride in yourself, man. I hope that,
01:09:42.600
you know, people say to me a lot, Theo, you should take a moment and think of, uh, you know,
01:09:46.980
where you were before in certain aspects of your life. It can even be a couple of weeks
01:09:50.820
ago with an attitude and where you are now. Um, but I hope you recognize that, man. That's
01:09:55.680
a huge thing to lose 40 pounds and you must feel a lot of pride. Let's hear more.
01:10:00.460
So, uh, the thing that, what, what, what's tough, man, is, uh, the self-esteem is low,
01:10:07.240
man. You take, you know, I'm going to the beach next weekend with my family. The idea of taking
01:10:12.020
my shirt off, uh, and being around the beach is terrible. You know, I've been to the beach
01:10:16.760
before, man, and I've tried to like make light of the situation. You know, I've kind of like
01:10:21.020
told jokes about like how, uh, how it's okay for me to take my shirt off. Cause I'm a male,
01:10:26.240
even though I have titties bigger than, you know, half the females on the beach.
01:10:32.320
Ah, yeah, man. Well, I'm kind of feeling a little bit sorry that I was met, you know,
01:10:36.060
I wasn't making fun earlier, but I was telling you a story that kind of, I guess, correlated to
01:10:40.280
maybe some of these, those things might've, you know, kind of, I don't know if I hope, I hope that
01:10:44.280
didn't bum you out at all because I really enjoyed seeing that on my friends, but you know,
01:10:48.960
I can imagine what it was like for him. And now I'm kind of learning that perspective.
01:10:52.560
Uh, let's hear some more. Just trying to figure out, man, like how can I like embrace it,
01:10:56.320
you know? And, uh, surgery is an option, but it's about, you know? Yeah. That surgery,
01:11:01.660
I know it's about five to 7,500. And then you also have to wear special shirts and stuff.
01:11:07.700
Five grand. And then you have to take about two weeks off of work.
01:11:14.940
All right, man. I, you know, I appreciate that call, man. It's brave to call about that.
01:11:18.960
But, uh, you know, I mean, if you're nervous, you know, I'll say a couple of things. One,
01:11:30.220
uh, if you're nervous about the surgery, you know, obviously I'm sure you've probably researched
01:11:36.020
and talked to people and you can find other people that have had it. I have a friend actually,
01:11:39.600
a comedian friend who was just telling me the other day that he had this same issue and then he ended
01:11:44.600
up having the surgery. And then finally, after years, a lot of that, um, inferiority and I don't
01:11:50.420
know if that's shame, but you know, just that nervousness has gone away from him because obviously
01:11:55.560
he's, you know, his body looks different now, but that, that ran real heavily with him for a while.
01:12:01.300
Um, yeah, man, that's, that's tough. Cause you want to just have your shirt off and just be at the
01:12:06.360
beach and feel free. You know, you want to maybe even get fully naked and have a damn,
01:12:11.040
uh, you know, uh, you know, uh, uh, a turkey burger or, um, little baby Julius burger. What
01:12:18.620
is that thing called? A sloppy Joe, not baby Julius. What am I thinking of? Who, what? And so you want
01:12:25.160
to have, you almost want to get fully naked and have a sloppy Joe. I'm trying to think of, I wish there
01:12:29.800
was a special shirt that was for a dope ass man that had some kind of little bit of a light,
01:12:34.180
you know, kind of thicker in that, you know, them breasticles, you know, I wish they had a man
01:12:40.020
like, you know, that could kind of, you know, like a man's ear, you know, just kind of something,
01:12:45.160
you know, even if under armor made one or something, you know, so I don't know. I mean, I guess,
01:12:51.860
oh, it's tough, dude. Cause I know that probably is tough for you. Yeah. I mean, I, if I, for me
01:12:58.880
personally, what I, what would I do? I would probably wear some type of under armor type of thing where I
01:13:03.400
could still be athletic a little bit and get some sun, but I would still be able to take care of
01:13:07.540
that part of me where I didn't, you know, if it's going to make you so self-conscious that you're not
01:13:13.280
going to be able to enjoy yourself at all, then maybe for now I would still, you know, maybe wear
01:13:19.740
a shirt because, because here's the thing, you're going to the beach, you want to have fun. You don't
01:13:23.820
want to not be able to enjoy yourself. So, you know, for now I would do what's, you know, what's going
01:13:29.880
to make you feel okay and bring you the most joy. Now say you go full throttle, you know,
01:13:34.480
when you got them a coops out there, you know, you got them, you know, them lowercase a's out there.
01:13:40.920
Then I think have some fun, you know, have some fun. I mean, accept the fact that you're probably
01:13:46.200
going to get some looks, know that in advance, and then maybe have some fun with it. Now here's a fun
01:13:52.120
thing you could do. You could get one of those Tahitian type of things with the coconut
01:13:56.600
broad things, you know, like Fred Flintstone wears, because that's something that's fun.
01:14:03.100
And it's, uh, would still kind of, you know, cover up some of your nervousness.
01:14:08.660
So maybe that's something fun that you could do, you know, but, um, you know, if it continues to
01:14:14.500
bother you, I don't think there's any shame in getting a surgical procedure if you can afford it.
01:14:18.400
I don't know how that works with, uh, with, um, with insurance or anything like that.
01:14:24.620
But you know what, man, let me, I want to know how that beach goes. And even if it doesn't go well,
01:14:29.380
I want to know that if you wouldn't mind, you know, I'd love to circle back with you and find
01:14:33.100
out just kind of the truth. If you can take me through some more of that, you know, because I
01:14:37.280
know that that kind of stuff is tough, man. When we feel our bodies are a certain way, man, I've always
01:14:42.100
hated like the slope of my shoulders. Um, dude, I've got, dude, ever since I was young, it's a little
01:14:48.020
better, a little different now, but I had a real DS booty. I had the same butt, buttocks and hips
01:14:53.160
that a lot of down syndrome, uh, men and women had. And a lot of black girls, we had the same
01:14:58.120
butt. And so I'd always get all these wild jokes and, you know, I'd feel nervous. Everybody wanted
01:15:04.020
me to twerk all the time and shit. And I'm like, fuck, you know? So I feel you, man. It's tough.
01:15:11.260
It's tough when we live in this world that puts so much on how we look and, uh, and we're so self-aware
01:15:16.800
too. And then we have this, you know, something that really stands out. I mean, dude, I wish I
01:15:21.940
could wear a brassiere over my nose sometimes, you know, I got a, you know, I got a, my nose is kind
01:15:27.780
of a C cup. So I got that C cup whiffer, but thanks for calling, man. And for, uh, just for not thinking
01:15:34.920
and not feeling that stuff alone. If you go out to the beach, I hope you have a, I hope you have a
01:15:38.240
blast. No matter how you, no matter how you play it, I hope you have a blast, man. Um, all right,
01:15:44.920
let's get into another call here. Hey, uh, this is Stevie from up in West Virginia. I
01:15:51.580
had a question for you. What is the biggest misconception that you've come across being
01:15:57.200
from the South? Personally, uh, I was at a six flags and somebody was actually surprised
01:16:04.580
to see that I owned a pair of shoes. So I just wondering like what kind of, uh, weird stereotypes
01:16:11.780
or misconceptions you've come across during the years. Um, well, that's a good one. Yeah.
01:16:16.600
That somebody thought you didn't have shoes and that's wild. Um, the biggest misconception
01:16:21.620
maybe that I've had from the South, I think is just that people think that you are just
01:16:25.120
going to be racist, you know, cause there's definitely a lot more races, a lot more racial
01:16:30.920
environment growing up in the South. And, and I find it's that there was a lot of just, I don't,
01:16:37.800
I found it was more hatred when I was young, just going both ways. You know, there was a
01:16:42.900
lot of, and it was, it was, you know, there was a lot of black kids that were extremely mean
01:16:47.740
to white kids and there was a lot of, uh, or people and vice versa, you know, and it, and
01:16:54.500
I don't know when it started, you know, I mean, I mean, I know historically when things started
01:17:00.300
between those two races, but I think it was probably, you know, it's probably just the assumption
01:17:05.040
that everybody's going to be racist. Um, you know, or that, uh, like people will come
01:17:11.620
up to me and refer to me as redneck kind of stuff sometimes. And that makes me mad. It
01:17:15.480
makes me a little bit upset. I don't mind being rural. Um, the other day, a girl referred
01:17:20.700
to me as white trash and, uh, and that kind of made me mad, you know, kind of to me, like
01:17:27.640
I, you know, I've never dealt with the, you know, the N word situation, but it felt like
01:17:33.080
that's kind of, you know, so I don't know what that feels like, but it felt like kind
01:17:36.700
of a dagger like that to me, you know, like them saying something that put me in a place
01:17:41.880
that I couldn't escape from as far as they were concerned so that it made them feel like
01:17:47.340
they were better than me. Uh, and that, that shit made me mad. Um, because I'll, and I also
01:17:55.740
say this though, that yeah, growing up in the South, the youth, there's a lot more racial
01:17:59.000
shit you grew up around. Dude, there's a lot more people saying all kinds of stuff.
01:18:04.620
Everybody. Dude. And even out in LA, you hear low, low key people saying racist stuff all
01:18:10.820
the time on both sides of the tracks, both sides of the net, both sides of the Roy G
01:18:17.440
bill of that, uh, of the color palette. But that's one probably that I'm ignorant. Um, you
01:18:27.500
know, I felt for years as sad as it is that I had to hide the fact that I wasn't ignorant.
01:18:33.820
You know, I tried to pretend like I was, you can even, um, you know, I had to use satire
01:18:39.240
because I was afraid to even sharing in my real feelings sometimes. So a lot of times
01:18:43.500
I have to disguise or hide my thoughts and my ideas sometimes through satire because I'm
01:18:50.140
afraid that they're not going to be accepted. You know, or that I'm not going to be heard.
01:18:54.340
But, you know, I don't know, man, I'm still learning a lot about this, but that's a, that's
01:18:59.180
a wild question. I appreciate you calling in young lady. Um, let's take another call
01:19:04.380
What's up there, man? This is Adam from North Carolina. Man, I just want to tell you that
01:19:07.900
I really enjoyed that, uh, episode with Stevie Starlight.
01:19:11.660
Thanks, Adam. Appreciate that. Yeah. Stevie Starlight was wild. He came in, he was 45 minutes
01:19:15.800
late. I'll say that. I didn't say that, but he came in and he wanted to go have a cigarette
01:19:20.120
break. Like break from what, bro? You just got here 45 minutes late, daddy. Oh, let's
01:19:26.120
go. You know, I'm paying, I'm paying a crew. What'd you think, daddy? You know, I know
01:19:33.260
you've been out in orbit, Stevie Starlight, but look, we need you here in the galaxy. Uh,
01:19:38.740
but we had a great time, man. And you know, he had this, I mean, that it's never too late
01:19:42.240
to come over. That's a beautiful song. And so I was so grateful that he came in and, and
01:19:47.120
we had fun, man. His girlfriend came and sat in here on the couch and it was neat to just
01:19:50.780
talk to somebody who'd come out here to, uh, uh, you know, who'd come to Los Angeles with
01:19:54.380
a dream and to hear what, uh, what they thought and what, uh, what he thought. Um, all right,
01:19:59.760
let's take another, let's take another call right here. Oh, let's finish that call up.
01:20:04.600
He has a phenomenal job and, uh, he's a great guest, man. I'd really love to have him back
01:20:11.000
if you can. And, uh, also I look forward to seeing you in Raleigh, North Carolina, man. I
01:20:16.120
got my tickets and everything. Can't wait. Yeah, bro. Be good. Gang, gang, man. Yeah.
01:20:21.700
I'll see you. Um, I'll definitely see you in Raleigh and I'll see everyone this
01:20:25.840
weekend, uh, June 15th and 16th in Calgary, Alberta, Canada at Yuck Yucks. Then I'll be
01:20:31.140
in Bakersfield, California the following weekend. Then, uh, the following weekend I'll
01:20:36.780
be in Stark County, Illinois, a fundraiser in my mother's hometown at the Paramount
01:20:41.500
Theater. Uh, then July 6th through 8th, the following weekend I'll be at Levity Live
01:20:46.100
in Oxnard, California. And then July 20th through 22nd, Charlie Goodnights in Raleigh,
01:20:52.000
North Carolina. Some new dates added on Toronto Just for Laughs Festival. And that is September
01:21:00.100
20th through the 24th. Uh, go get the pass. You got to go onto the Just, Just for Laughs
01:21:06.600
website. Go get the pass and, uh, pick the shows that I am on so you can come and see me
01:21:11.100
perform. I promise I'm going to do my best while I'm there. I promise you I'm going to do
01:21:15.080
my best. Uh, also we have Washington DC has been added. That's November 30th through December 1st
01:21:21.640
at the Comedy Loft. November 9th and 10th, Salt Lake City. We're going to get over there. I'm
01:21:27.540
really excited. Um, and we're going to do some, some, some magic there at Wise Guys in Salt Lake
01:21:33.960
City. Uh, other dates, there's some other cities. Go to theovon.com slash tour, T-O-U-R.
01:21:42.140
What else, man? We'll go to a couple more calls here, man. And then we'll probably, uh, you know,
01:21:45.620
we might try to get through this, but we have so many great calls. Let's go.
01:21:49.120
Hey, what's up, Theo? This is Jay from Texas, man. I'm calling.
01:21:53.200
What's up, Jay? Thank you for calling, brother.
01:21:54.920
Oh, man. I'm sorry to hear that, man. You know, I, uh, I don't know you or your father,
01:22:12.360
but I know that that is a, that's a very real moment in somebody's life. This is a moment.
01:22:17.460
Um, this is a moment that is very thick and that will be a real hinge or can be a real
01:22:25.820
hinge in your life for a long time on a lot of levels. I'm sorry to hear that, brother.
01:22:31.420
And, uh, it was pretty much unexpected. He was 58 years old. He didn't take the best care of
01:22:38.100
himself, but, uh, you know, I didn't expect him to die of a massive heart attack at that age.
01:22:46.060
You know, so I just don't know really where to go from here. Uh, you know, I'm the oldest
01:22:53.080
in my family, so I'm the leader of the family. So I can't feel, I feel like I can't really
01:22:58.800
fuck off and, and, and do whatever I want to do. It's therapeutic for me. I feel like I
01:23:05.240
gotta, you know, uh, move to where my family is and, and kind of take care of them. Uh, my
01:23:13.520
dad was the only person that supported me saying that I didn't want to have a normal
01:23:19.520
job and, and those type of things. And he, now that he's gone, it seems like the whole
01:23:24.920
world depends on me to, uh, to take care of them.
01:23:28.700
Okay. Uh, thank you for sharing this stuff, uh, this information here. Um, you know, I'm
01:23:35.240
gathering, you're saying that your father, you know, he was one of the few people who,
01:23:39.800
you know, kind of sided with you on, you know, you kind of live in this free, more freedom
01:23:44.560
type of lifestyle, doing what you wanted to do. And that now that just because that you're
01:23:49.780
the oldest and that you have to be the leader you're feeling. Now, is that a pressure that
01:23:54.380
you're feeling to be the leader? Or is that a pressure that people are putting on you to
01:23:58.260
be the leader? Because look, just because you're the oldest, you would think, you know,
01:24:04.480
that the oldest is going to be the leader. But if people aren't asking you to, then that's
01:24:11.740
a, then that's a role that you can assume if you want to, but that's going to come with,
01:24:16.100
you know, you know, the leader that's short for leadership. So that's going to take a lot
01:24:22.020
of effort. And you know, if it sounds like you and your life right now, just look, man,
01:24:28.820
and I don't know, and I'm not telling you anything, but I'm just trying to gather things
01:24:33.540
here that I'm hearing you say that you like to have a little bit more of a freedom lifestyle
01:24:38.460
that your dad kind of supported that. Then yeah, you would probably, I don't know what
01:24:42.700
that means to you, but you'd probably have to make some adjustments and some changes. But
01:24:46.880
if people aren't beating down your door to be the leader or to say, you know, to take
01:24:50.760
the reins or just because you're the oldest, then don't put that pressure on yourself. If
01:24:56.520
it's not a pressure that, you know, if it's just a pressure that, that you're putting on
01:25:03.240
yourself only to have a reaction to his passing, you know, sometimes people, you know, something
01:25:13.100
tragic happens or something goes on and we, we, we will take anything almost as a blanket or
01:25:19.440
as a shield or, you know, we'll create a, you know, a new shell. Um, and sometimes, you
01:25:26.620
know, I just, I'd hate to see you create, uh, you know, a shell like, oh, I need to be the
01:25:31.400
leader now, but it's too much, but I'm not going to do it. You know, and then you end up
01:25:37.420
in this spiral of not taking care of yourself, you know, fighting against this, this, this
01:25:45.820
definition, this new definition of you that no one even asked you to, to define yourself
01:25:52.780
as, you know, I just hate to see you get in a, in a wild circle there. Um, but it sounds
01:26:00.760
like you are starting to think about some stuff and I commend you there because that's probably
01:26:06.740
going to be uncomfortable. You know, it's going to be uncomfortable. You know, there's
01:26:10.840
something about when our parents are alive, where we feel like they, that we still have
01:26:16.000
this mulligan out in the world, you know, and then we still have this ability to error
01:26:21.660
because they're still alive, you know, and then when that cloud is gone, then suddenly
01:26:26.980
you're the one that's getting hit by the sun. The light is shining on you, you know, when
01:26:31.080
our, when that cover of our parents is gone. And so this is a big moment where, yeah, you're
01:26:35.920
probably going to have more light shine on you and you're going to be the one looking
01:26:38.860
at yourself. You know, it sounds like these are things that you might be asking yourself
01:26:44.620
If you had any advice, man, I'd appreciate it. It sounds like I'm smoking. I am smoking a
01:26:52.620
big fat point. So, uh, you know, sometimes you just got to do it. Anyway, hey, boy, you
01:27:00.140
hitting that heater boy, you hitting that six feet thunder, huh? Gang, gang, man. Well, look,
01:27:08.860
you know, if your father just passed, you don't have to answer every question right
01:27:12.200
away. So maybe hit that blunt and take a week off and take it easy. Um, but there's gonna
01:27:18.680
be a lot of emotions going on. And if you check out all the time and you just get high every
01:27:23.740
time or you just do that, you might be escaping a great opportunity to really, uh, feel some
01:27:30.360
feelings. You know, it's rare in life that, that things really create huge feelings inside
01:27:35.720
of us. And bro, that can be a fucking, you want to get high, dude, or you want to get,
01:27:40.020
you want to take a ride, bro? Let your feelings get you, son. Let your feelings, dog. You ride,
01:27:48.540
you know, blaze up a couple of grams of your own feelings and feel that hitter, son. Get
01:27:53.820
that hitter. Um, all right, let's take another call here. Here we go.
01:27:59.360
What's up, Theo? What's up? I woke up this morning and my parents told me that, um, they
01:28:08.500
were going out with another couple to, to see an oldies band. And, um, I'm in Atlanta
01:28:17.620
and, uh, they said the name of the band is the Swinging Medallions. So I just wanted to
01:28:25.780
know if you had anything to say about that. All right. Bye.
01:28:30.660
Okay. Wow. So bro, obviously, I mean, obviously your parents are the Swinging Medallions. You
01:28:39.960
woke up, your parents said they're going out of town. They're going to see a band. Dude,
01:28:44.080
your parents are swingers, bro. How many clues do you need, Cat Daddy? Cat Daddy, Cat Daddy.
01:28:51.340
How many clues do you need? Your parents are swingers, dude. They're going to meet up with
01:28:55.380
another couple, the Swinging Medallions. They probably can't fuck at the house with their
01:29:00.600
buddies. They can't do that buddy fucking because you're at the house. Dude, you moved in, you're
01:29:06.080
ruining the party, boy. Get a job, Daddy. Are you working at the library, son? Well, check
01:29:13.360
yourself out of there and go get that job. Work for a bigger company. Go work for, you know,
01:29:20.280
Chevrolet, Enron, Nabisco. Get out there. So your parents can do that straight up, play
01:29:27.660
Twister. They can bring a couple of spare dicks over to the house and play Twister, dude.
01:29:34.240
Come on. Your parents trying to live a little and you over there in the morning sharing off
01:29:40.440
the same jug of milk as them. Come on, man. Get out there and get that hitter of your own life.
01:29:47.820
Here we go. Hello there, Theo. My name's Javelin. I was wondering just... Whoa. Javelin? Okay, dude,
01:29:57.080
that's a weapon. That's your name? That's a weapon, brother. But thank you for calling. You're from
01:30:01.080
another country, man, and I appreciate that. And onward. Hello there, Theo. My name's Javelin.
01:30:09.020
I was wanting to just call you. I'm a big fan of the show. And I was just wanting to throw
01:30:13.840
out a topic out there. Throw out. That's hilarious. And your name's Javelin, dude? That's like...
01:30:19.120
Because you have to... Look, man, no offense. It's not... But that's like somebody saying,
01:30:22.560
Hey, um, my name is Baseball Bat. You know? My name is, uh, um, Nunchuk. You're like,
01:30:30.780
Chuck? You're like, no, Nunchuk. Bro, that is a weapon, dude. You got that crazy name. I bet
01:30:35.720
you can, you know, a lot of ladies like that. They like that fierce man. Onward, Javelin?
01:30:41.320
I was just wanting to throw out a topic out there for you to discuss. Um, I was just curious
01:30:46.800
if you have ever put any thought towards reincarnation. Do you think there's a possibility
01:30:53.560
for it? Um, would you like that? Found out that that were true? Yeah, just various things
01:31:00.020
in that area. Just sort of what your thoughts on, on the concept of there being reincarnation.
01:31:05.880
Yep. I appreciate you asking about reincarnation or re-in-car, as a lot of people call it for
01:31:10.540
short. And I'll say this. Reincarnation makes a lot of sense to me. And here's why.
01:31:16.800
Because the only thing I know for a fact is that I exist here. I know that. I know I
01:31:25.940
exist here. If you don't get into all the theories about, um, uh, you know, uh, uh, simulation
01:31:32.880
and all of that, um, you know, whatever it is called, freak, whatever it's singularity,
01:31:40.340
if you don't get in all of that stuff, the only thing I know for sure is that I exist here,
01:31:44.260
that I showed up on a ball of dirt and water in the middle of a vast expanse of darkness and that
01:31:49.320
I exist here. So that's, that's proof. I, I am, I am living proof of that. So reincarnation to me
01:31:57.620
makes a lot of sense because all you're saying is that that would happen again. That when I die
01:32:03.480
and, you know, and zone out from here and disappear, that I would come back here or a place
01:32:10.320
similar, I guess, that seems very possible because it's already happened to me one time
01:32:16.360
this time right now. So reincarnation. Yeah. So you're telling me what just happened to me
01:32:22.920
could happen to me again. That is very believable because it just happened to me.
01:32:30.660
That's like saying, Hey, if I burn my hand on the stove, somebody saying, Hey,
01:32:35.160
you know what? When you die, you could burn your hand on the stove again. I'd be like,
01:32:41.480
you know what? That sounds feasible. So reincarnation, man, gang, gang. I feel that all day. Um,
01:32:50.900
all right, let's get into this. We still have to assign a best or worst weekend for last month.
01:32:55.120
And we do have our winner. Uh, every month you can hit the hotline 985-664-9503 and tell us about
01:33:01.420
your best weekend or your worst weekend. Try to keep it to 90 seconds or less. If you go over 90
01:33:06.620
seconds, you're going to disqualify yourself. Um, and this is our winner for May. Let's hear it one
01:33:12.360
more time. Here we go. Hey, what's up, Theo? Uh, I'm a college student. I'm studying biology and, uh,
01:33:19.440
I've been supporting myself by working a third shift at a gas station, kind of in the ghetto of the
01:33:24.260
city. My college is in G unit. And, uh, it's usually all right, but, uh, last night about six
01:33:31.220
guys came in and, uh, they just bought a gas can and put like two gallons of gasoline in it. And
01:33:37.000
they seem really calm. They'll chill nice guys when they left. But, uh, Oh yeah, dude, six guys,
01:33:43.340
one, uh, one gallon of gas, bro. That sounds like a gay camp out about to go down. You know what I'm
01:33:50.500
saying? That sounds like a real barn burner. And barn is this dude that we met a couple towns over
01:33:55.880
and he's down now. Uh, onward. They came back like two hours later, just high as fuck. Probably on
01:34:04.000
meth or free. Uh, probably on gas, bro. Six dudes, one gallon. That ain't much. If you play in huffs,
01:34:10.000
okay, man, you can out, and they're tired, trying to return the gas can cause it was like 12 bucks.
01:34:16.340
But, uh, the sole policy is I can't return gas cans once there's been gas in them.
01:34:21.520
Hey, that's a blanket policy, baby. That's my policy too. If you borrow a cup from me, you put gas in it.
01:34:29.040
So they were like yelling at me and talking all at once and they were going to stab me if I didn't
01:34:34.900
And that's scary when six dudes all with gas on their breath are telling you that they's about
01:34:39.260
to ISIS you up over a little bit of petrol. Okay, man.
01:34:45.100
You know, I was a Marine out of high school, so I'm not afraid of any man, but you know,
01:34:49.920
six make me really concerned. They ended up yelling at me for the gas can for a little bit more and,
01:34:55.120
uh, they bought like $400 of random gas station food shit. Like a lot of lottery tickets,
01:35:01.740
it's a fuck ton of them. They ended up leaving on their own. Spent like $400 or $500 on them.
01:35:06.720
And, uh, they left, told me I was a fuck and, uh, you know, that was my weekend.
01:35:12.840
Man, you know what? Thanks for your service, bro. Thanks for your service station as well.
01:35:19.160
Because that, you know, it's crazy. You've been through the Marines and you still got to go
01:35:24.380
through the boot camp of bullshit when six ignorant people show up. Man, I'll be nice.
01:35:29.540
People that bask in their own ignorance, sometimes it's too much. Um, but thanks for calling, man.
01:35:36.460
And guess what? You got that May hitter. So, um, we will have our producer, Chris,
01:35:42.020
will reach out to you and take care of you and send you a, this past weekend prize pack.
01:35:46.040
We got that correctional center blue t-shirt that, uh, that TPW. The only way you can get it
01:35:51.120
is by winning, um, this monthly contest. So thank you so much. And thank you again for your service,
01:35:56.620
man. And be safe out there. And when I come to your city, man, I'm going to make sure that, uh,
01:36:01.260
that I get you some tickets to the show, do you and one friend who don't drink gas, bro. Unless y'all
01:36:07.760
ride on 91 octane, you know, I won't hang out with anybody. If y'all sipping on 89 stays away from
01:36:13.760
daddy. But if y'all on that 91, zip, zip, let's go. But thank you for calling, man. Thank you so much.
01:36:20.920
Uh, and we have, um, we have a, a, a submission for this month. Somebody hit the hotline 985-664-9503
01:36:29.360
for June. And here is that, uh, that submission for this past weekend for this month. Here we go.
01:36:35.720
Hey, Theo. What's up? This is Josh from Wisconsin. Uh, I was calling about this past weekend. Um,
01:36:41.320
I had a really good weekend. Started out on Friday. I took the day off, smoked ribs for the first time,
01:36:47.760
which was a interesting experiment. Kind of dried them out a little bit, but you know,
01:36:51.900
I was kind of happy with that. Then Saturday I got to, let's go to the shooting range, uh,
01:36:56.880
with my brother and my wife and his girlfriend. And then after that, got to go fishing with both
01:37:01.860
my brothers and two of my nephews and my wife. And then, uh, also sang karaoke for the first time.
01:37:08.880
The main song I wanted to sing, my buddy already sang, so didn't want to do that and bite his shit.
01:37:14.740
And then, uh, defaulted to another one that I know really well and they didn't have it.
01:37:19.300
So, uh, I was really drunk and I ended up picking a song by Mariah Carey called Touch My Body.
01:37:24.840
And I was just, it did not go well at all, but it was a fun experience, man.
01:37:29.960
Thank you for calling. That's a great submission for this past weekend. You went fishing,
01:37:33.560
you went to a shooting range with your brother and your wife and didn't, and didn't kill either
01:37:39.980
one of them. And these days that's a rarity and that is to be applauded. You know, a lot of times
01:37:44.760
if you get tickets for a cruise or a shooting range or something, and you're married or have a spouse
01:37:49.040
or you have a brother that you guys are in business together and the LLC wasn't formed correctly and
01:37:53.720
shit like that, you know what I'm saying? Sometimes you're riding home with an empty passenger seat,
01:37:58.800
but it's nice to know that that's not occurring. And then you went out and got that karaoke,
01:38:02.640
you know, you got that Japanese, uh, music stylings and you got out there and you guys
01:38:08.540
did it all. And you did the Mariah Carey, Touch My Body. And a man that, uh, that goes shooting
01:38:15.420
with his wife and can then finish off the evening singing, Touch My Body. I mean, that sounds like
01:38:21.020
a beautiful weekend to me. And you threw in the nieces and nephews that you had fun as well. So,
01:38:25.880
uh, that's a great submission for this month for June for this past weekend. Uh, so thank you very
01:38:30.860
much. We'll keep that in at the end of the month. We'll pick a winner. Um, we have, we also have on
01:38:38.400
the website, theovan.com slash, uh, tour. You can get tickets, theovan.com slash store. You can get
01:38:44.540
merch, a lot of great new, get that hitter shirts. We got, um, we got all the new hitters, man. We got
01:38:51.180
that, uh, thought while our shirt, a lot of stuff's out there. So get out there and get involved. Thank
01:38:56.100
you guys so much. Um, I'll be seeing you in Calgary this weekend as well on the website,
01:39:02.000
on the podcast link, you can submit video questions. Uh, so you can go there as well.
01:39:07.460
And next week we'll start incorporating those. We've gotten a few and we'll incorporate those
01:39:11.240
starting, uh, next week. I want to thank everybody again that came out there in Oklahoma, man. I had,
01:39:18.400
you know, just good people, good people came out and made me really feel a part of the environment
01:39:23.460
there. And we had our single, our first single mom. We had our first single mom's night out and
01:39:28.420
man, we treated her well. And her name is Julie. And I'm going to do a followup with her this week
01:39:33.220
and we'll put that out. But man, her and her friend came out and they picked out their own
01:39:38.160
table and we did a couple of nice things for them. And, uh, and so I want to thank you guys so much
01:39:44.120
and thank Patreon so much for just that support and making that happen. And we want to make that a
01:39:50.000
reality. Um, we'll do it again in a, in a, uh, probably another two weeks and see if we can't
01:39:56.300
just do another trial run of getting that to become something that's going to be a regular part
01:40:00.180
of, um, of being out on the road. And so I want to thank the people over at Patreon for helping make
01:40:06.020
that, um, that special night a reality, man. It was cool. And we'll put a video up this weekend
01:40:11.100
and some photos and some actual video footage that we got, uh, meet and, um, Julie as well.
01:40:17.300
Oh, thank you guys. You know, you know, we just got to stay at it. You know, we might have a chip on
01:40:27.380
our shoulder, but you know, sometimes we've got to keep at a certain point, man, that chip doesn't
01:40:32.320
always serve us well. So we got to, you know, you got to put a little bit of sauce on that chip.
01:40:39.380
You know, you got to fancy that thing up with the new things you learn and the new places we find
01:40:44.400
ourselves. Cause man, that old anger chip, that thing doesn't serve me anymore.
01:40:50.020
You know, and sometimes I use it. Sometimes I use it when I'm by myself and I need to straighten
01:40:54.640
my spine, you know, or I need to get out of bed or I need to stand up for myself. Sometimes I got to
01:40:59.880
go back to that, to that, you know, that Rottweiler boy that was inside of me. You know, sometimes I got
01:41:06.240
to go back to that kid, you know, that felt alone or felt, um, unwanted or felt, uh, scared or felt
01:41:14.080
on, you know, disrespected or felt left behind or felt less than or felt poor or felt, uh, unappreciated
01:41:23.620
or felt like he wasn't part of something or felt unloved or felt whatever it was that you felt or
01:41:31.920
that I felt. Sometimes you go back and you can draw from that, but that is, but if that's not our
01:41:38.920
truth right now, then we got to, we get, you know, you got to put that on your back. That ain't a front
01:41:44.320
pack. That's a backpack now. And you can use it to power you where you can, but you know, we got to
01:41:50.640
get out there and, um, and keep our mind open, you know, and keep our mind open and keep thinking
01:42:01.580
and keep moving forward. And we'll find good things, man. That'll, that'll keep, you know,
01:42:06.700
you'll find good things that'll pull you further along. You won't always have to use that, you know,
01:42:12.460
that raw energy, that raw, that gritty, you know, that gritty gunpowder that that's in, that's in
01:42:20.080
your system from, you know, from whatever wronged you. You won't always have to use that to power
01:42:25.200
yourself because there's a lot of good people out there and you're going to see that look in their
01:42:29.300
eyes and you're going to know, okay, this is safe. This is another safe few feet or another safe
01:42:33.860
relationship for me to go into, or another safe friendship or another, and you're going to keep
01:42:38.020
going, you're going to keep learning and that's going to become your fuel. You know, each other,
01:42:43.240
the good ones out there. And I'm not saying I'm a good one, but, but I'm not saying I'm not.
01:42:54.600
Yeah, man. Love you guys, bro. Be good to yourself. You probably deserve it.
01:43:08.020
Oh, and happy gay pride, man. I know it's gay pride week. It has been. Um, if, uh, I don't know
01:43:32.160
how many, uh, what percent, we don't know. Fuck who's gay, who might be gay one day. You might be a
01:43:37.600
gay grandparent. You don't know. Don't shun it now. You know what I'm saying? You might have a
01:43:42.400
family and then you might meet a man or a lady down the road. You know, you might have late onset
01:43:46.600
homosexuality. You never know what I'm saying. I might fall in love with a man when I'm 60 or 70.
01:43:51.460
You never know, baby. I mean, I'm just saying, you don't know what God has planned for you, boy.
01:43:56.960
You just don't know. Oh, okay. You know what? We almost went into Spencer Jacob Grau on the way out
01:44:01.280
and I'm going to let us do that because I didn't plan for that. That just happened gang.
01:44:37.580
Ladies and gentlemen, I'm Jonathan Kite and welcome to Kite Club, a podcast where I'll be
01:44:52.040
sharing thoughts on things like current events, stand-up stories, and seven ways to pleasure your
01:44:57.180
partner. The answer may shock you. Sometimes I'll interview my friends. Sometimes I won't.
01:45:02.800
And as always, I'll be joined by the voices in my head.
01:45:09.540
A lot of people are talking about Kite Club. I've been talking about Kite Club for so long.
01:45:21.140
Anyone who doesn't listen to Kite Club is a dodgy bloody wanker.
01:45:25.640
Hi. I'll take a quarter pounder with cheese and a McFlurry.
01:45:30.120
Sorry, sir, but our ice cream machine is broken.
01:45:36.920
Anyway, first rule of Kite Club is, tell everyone about Kite Club.
01:45:41.100
Second rule of Kite Club is, tell everyone about Kite Club.
01:45:46.300
Like and subscribe wherever you listen to podcasts.
01:45:50.680
And yes, don't worry. My Brad Pitt impression will get better.