This Past Weekend with Theo Von - BEST OF： This Past Weekend w⧸ Theo Von 2024

00:00:00.000 We hope you're enjoying your Air Canada flight.

00:00:02.300 Rocky's vacation, here we come.

00:00:05.060 Whoa, is this economy?

00:00:07.180 Free beer, wine, and snacks.

00:00:09.620 Sweet! 0.95

00:00:10.720 Fast-free Wi-Fi means I can make dinner reservations before we land.

00:00:14.760 And with live TV, I'm not missing the game.

00:00:17.800 It's kind of like I'm already on vacation.

00:00:20.980 Nice! 0.94

00:00:22.160 On behalf of Air Canada, nice travels.

00:00:25.260 Wi-Fi available to Airplane members on Equipped Flight.

00:00:27.320 Sponsored by Bell. Conditions apply.

00:00:28.580 See AirCanada.com.

00:00:29.760 Oh, do you see that thing with the mayor?

00:00:31.280 Do you see that thing with the mayor of New York?

00:00:34.040 No.

00:00:34.700 Oh, dude.

00:00:36.520 Oh, yeah, this is it right here.

00:00:38.840 Do you see this?

00:00:40.160 So Eric Adams, he teaches.

00:00:41.520 What was he saying?

00:00:42.060 They're teaching kids how to...

00:00:43.700 They're teaching parents how to search your kid's room to find drugs and gun stuff.

00:00:47.600 Yeah, did you see this?

00:00:48.400 You can look at the jewelry box.

00:00:49.700 A jewelry box of this nature.

00:00:51.200 Maybe a simple jewelry box.

00:00:53.040 But if you look through it closely, you don't know what your child may be hiding.

00:00:56.620 For instance, a gun...

00:00:57.840 That's from the state of New York. 1.00

00:00:59.140 The fucking government was like, make it scary as fuck. 1.00

00:01:02.520 Hold on, hold on, hold on. 1.00

00:01:03.920 Start it over.

00:01:05.040 Why'd they do this?

00:01:05.640 Yeah, that music is crazy. 0.83

00:01:07.980 You're going to scare the fuck out of these people. 0.76

00:01:09.920 It's like... 0.94

00:01:10.580 It almost seems like the story before Castlevania starts it, like on a video game.

00:01:16.680 A jewelry box.

00:01:17.240 A jewelry box.

00:01:17.880 Yeah, this is the opening menu.

00:01:19.480 Yeah.

00:01:20.580 But if you look through it closely, you don't know what your child may be hiding.

00:01:24.180 For instance, a gun...

00:01:26.020 Look at picture frames behind you.

00:01:28.220 Cameras.

00:01:28.900 Try to determine what's taking place.

00:01:31.980 Behind a picture frame, you can find bullets.

00:01:34.500 You should always...

00:01:35.460 This is a video game.

00:01:36.920 That's where you find bullets in video games.

00:01:39.380 Look through it to see...

00:01:40.300 Look through his knapsack.

00:01:41.360 You might find a grenade.

00:01:43.280 Wait.

00:01:43.760 In addition to a book.

00:01:45.540 Something simple as a crack pipe.

00:01:47.300 Something simple as a baby doll.

00:01:49.720 What great is a kitty? 1.00

00:01:51.080 It's just a baby doll, but also it could be a place where you can secrete or hide drugs.

00:01:55.740 Secrete.

00:01:56.480 You can secrete.

00:01:57.540 Bro, this is the mayor.

00:01:59.260 That's unusual.

00:01:59.960 Like a pillow like this with a button is a perfect invitation to hide something.

00:02:04.440 I've felt something bumpy.

00:02:06.140 I will reach in, see what it is.

00:02:08.560 No, dude.

00:02:10.620 God only knows.

00:02:11.540 I'll tell you this, man. 1.00

00:02:14.160 Those DoorDash people see some shit. 1.00

00:02:16.120 Oh, God, dude. 1.00

00:02:16.980 You know, in India, they have a cast of people called the Untouchables. 1.00

00:02:21.260 Do they really?

00:02:21.900 Yes. 1.00

00:02:22.340 You just can't fuck with them. 1.00

00:02:24.180 Wow. 1.00

00:02:24.380 You can't go near them.

00:02:25.560 You see them and you look away.

00:02:27.980 Uh-uh.

00:02:28.440 That is kind of...

00:02:30.320 And don't take offense to this.

00:02:33.220 But it is when I encounter a food delivery person in the wild, I look away.

00:02:40.040 No.

00:02:40.480 I will look away. 1.00

00:02:41.560 Damn. 0.99

00:02:42.640 You don't feel like you're one of them? 1.00

00:02:44.840 A food delivery person?

00:02:45.800 No.

00:02:46.980 No.

00:02:48.060 I just...

00:02:48.700 There's so many other jobs.

00:02:50.920 I just feel like if you're delivering DoorDash, I just inherently...

00:02:57.200 Here's the thing.

00:02:57.900 I love them as a person.

00:02:59.740 They're a child of God.

00:03:00.800 Yeah.

00:03:01.140 But they're in so much pain.

00:03:03.200 Are they?

00:03:04.500 A lot of times you can see they're in pain.

00:03:06.340 I can't see.

00:03:07.320 Really?

00:03:07.580 They're just listening to Scott Stapp usually.

00:03:09.980 I don't feel like...

00:03:10.800 I think some of them are in pain.

00:03:12.520 They're just...

00:03:12.880 It's tough.

00:03:13.520 It's a hard...

00:03:14.360 I just...

00:03:15.020 It's hard for me to see.

00:03:16.120 And look at it.

00:03:17.240 It's just hard for me to look at.

00:03:18.280 And we got a love fella in the house today. 1.00

00:03:20.040 Riley Mao.

00:03:20.820 How are you, brother?

00:03:24.400 Doing well.

00:03:26.000 Have you blasted that corn stalk yet?

00:03:28.400 You popped that corn stalk?

00:03:29.780 Or what's going on with you, daddy?

00:03:31.100 How's your love life, Bubba?

00:03:32.760 Get us the latest, man.

00:03:34.000 You...

00:03:34.640 Well, I almost had something happen yesterday.

00:03:38.760 No.

00:03:40.100 Yep.

00:03:40.500 It was during the Super Bowl.

00:03:41.760 A friend of mine invited me.

00:03:43.520 Okay.

00:03:44.040 And we were hanging out and everything was great.

00:03:46.800 And this other guy shows up.

00:03:50.020 No.

00:03:50.520 So you met up with a girl?

00:03:52.300 No.

00:03:52.560 Yeah.

00:03:52.680 We were just at a bar.

00:03:54.020 Okay.

00:03:54.500 You're at a bar.

00:03:56.600 And...

00:03:57.280 And a dude showed up?

00:03:58.640 Yeah.

00:03:59.240 No.

00:04:00.380 Yeah.

00:04:01.000 I saw him and I knew something was going to happen.

00:04:04.900 Uh-uh.

00:04:06.400 And what was he wearing?

00:04:07.620 Was he dressed pretty well?

00:04:09.800 He just had slacks on and nice jacket. 1.00

00:04:13.400 Fuck him. 1.00

00:04:14.740 I mean, that's... 1.00

00:04:16.020 Did he know that you were there with her?

00:04:18.280 Yeah.

00:04:19.180 Oh.

00:04:19.960 So he rode in, right?

00:04:22.160 Mm-hmm.

00:04:22.380 And...

00:04:23.000 Okay.

00:04:23.720 So he shows up.

00:04:24.400 Now, what do you do?

00:04:25.080 Are you posturing a little?

00:04:26.480 Or what happened?

00:04:27.280 Are you...

00:04:28.120 Um, I'm just chilling.

00:04:30.540 You know, I'm sitting next to her and everything's going great.

00:04:33.360 Um, and I get up to use the bathroom.

00:04:35.460 Mm-hmm.

00:04:36.180 And once I get back, he's...

00:04:38.140 That's normal, dude.

00:04:39.120 Gonna make toilet. 1.00

00:04:40.060 That's normal.

00:04:40.760 Go on.

00:04:41.600 And, uh, he's in my seat next to her.

00:04:45.040 No.

00:04:47.720 What the F? 0.99

00:04:48.680 A white guy? 0.99

00:04:49.920 Uh, no.

00:04:51.180 Wow.

00:04:54.580 Wow.

00:04:55.340 A mixed guy? 0.95

00:04:58.120 Yeah, more darker.

00:05:01.060 Okay. 0.98

00:05:01.960 A lot of the black girls in our town and stuff would get knocked up by the black guys at 1.00

00:05:05.720 a young age. 0.98

00:05:06.880 Yeah, yeah.

00:05:07.420 So all of our black girls disappeared at around 13 years old and got pregnant.

00:05:12.220 Yeah, and they come back.

00:05:13.540 Yeah, it's different now.

00:05:14.060 And then they come back and they're just different or they just, like, um, yeah, they have a child

00:05:19.620 now or they have, like, baby milk on their shoulder or whatever.

00:05:23.100 Um, like, they were just more advanced. 0.99

00:05:26.900 Like, the black kids in our school were more sexually advanced. 1.00

00:05:29.480 They just had sex earlier and stuff. 1.00

00:05:31.140 Yeah, yeah.

00:05:31.480 So I think that was intimidating.

00:05:33.360 The black girls were intimidating because they had more experience. 1.00

00:05:37.260 Yeah, it's funny. 0.99

00:05:38.000 Sometimes you talk to a black guy.

00:05:39.080 He's like, I got hit when I was 10.

00:05:40.320 And you're like, what?

00:05:41.500 Like, for real?

00:05:44.960 Yeah, sorry, dude.

00:05:45.920 It's okay.

00:05:46.580 This place just went out of business.

00:05:47.680 We're good.

00:05:48.000 We were 16, 17 when we hooked up.

00:05:52.740 Y'all met at a carnival?

00:05:53.720 Yeah, she worked for somebody and I was working out there and she worked for a friend of mine, 0.59

00:05:57.560 another family.

00:05:58.560 Let me dart that balloon, huh?

00:06:00.520 She was actually pregnant when we hooked up already, too. 0.98

00:06:03.400 Really?

00:06:03.860 Yeah.

00:06:04.280 Wow, that seems illegal.

00:06:05.220 It was crazy.

00:06:06.420 That's crazy in the eyes of God, but I don't know.

00:06:08.740 And we're still friends that I still, I mean, Raekwon, her son, works for me now.

00:06:12.600 Oh, yeah, yeah, really?

00:06:13.760 Wow.

00:06:14.040 Yeah, her son works for me, like.

00:06:15.540 Was there drug use out there?

00:06:16.780 Yeah, a little bit.

00:06:18.640 Yeah.

00:06:19.100 Yeah, just a little bit.

00:06:20.660 So most of the time I'm the server.

00:06:22.280 You're on the line.

00:06:22.960 Yeah.

00:06:23.600 I like to be on the line because I know how fast I can go.

00:06:27.560 Even if I drop stuff, you know, I just keep on going.

00:06:29.920 Oh, yeah.

00:06:30.220 You know?

00:06:30.720 Just keep on going, just like your lunch lady, Annie. 1.00

00:06:32.980 Well, she was, we had a couple of good lunch ladies. 1.00

00:06:34.740 We had this one lady we had named Sarge, actually, and she was, I think, a, she loved

00:06:42.920 ladies, I'll say that. 1.00

00:06:44.440 Ah.

00:06:44.620 Oh, yeah, we had this other lady, Miss Moncreef. 1.00

00:06:50.300 She, uh, she'd always be like, make sure to get your spedaghetty. 0.87

00:06:55.300 That's what she called it.

00:06:57.120 Your spedaghetty.

00:06:59.160 Get your spedaghetty.

00:07:02.060 So she would yell at us. 0.96

00:07:04.400 That's funny.

00:07:05.420 She'd be like, get your spedaghetty.

00:07:07.020 And instead of saying cake, she would say like, this is crazy, but she would kind of

00:07:10.920 say like, cat, like cack.

00:07:13.000 So she'd be like, and get you a cut of coconut cack over there. 1.00

00:07:17.200 See, I think we all have to be a little nudge, you know, to be over there so long around everybody.

00:07:22.540 Oh, sure.

00:07:23.060 You know, most think I am a little off, but it's okay because I've accepted that.

00:07:26.960 Oh, yeah.

00:07:27.480 Dude, Shoney's Inn, bro.

00:07:30.340 I remember for $11, you could stay at the place, right?

00:07:33.840 For $15, you could stay and eat, right?

00:07:37.060 So it was that $4 upcharge.

00:07:38.820 You got that buffet.

00:07:39.840 Shoney's had an inn.

00:07:41.780 And we would go, bro.

00:07:43.180 And they had, they also had this like premier buffet for like two more dollars.

00:07:47.300 You could go, they had like this kind of roped off area of the buffet and down there they 0.99

00:07:51.300 had fucking salmon or whatever, you know, damn, you know, special pickles, salmon, honeydew 0.99

00:07:58.120 pickles, honeydew melon. 1.00

00:07:59.680 Like I'd never, shit, you'd never seen fucking gay watermelon. 1.00

00:08:02.600 You know what I'm saying? 1.00

00:08:03.140 They had all this special shit. 1.00

00:08:04.820 When you're a kid, all that shit's nice until you get older and you're like, why am I eating 1.00

00:08:08.500 this shit? 1.00

00:08:09.420 I'm going to fucking die. 1.00

00:08:11.580 Look at the people around me. 1.00

00:08:13.320 Look what they look like.

00:08:14.300 And here I am with them about to die.

00:08:17.940 Now, Willie, what would it take to get you to cheer for another team?

00:08:21.100 That is a question I would like to know, man.

00:08:23.700 What amount of money would it take?

00:08:26.820 Couldn't take no money.

00:08:28.660 I'm a dieharder Tide fan.

00:08:29.780 Well, what amount of p*** would it take for you? 0.93

00:08:32.340 No p*** or nothing. 0.97

00:08:34.300 I'm a dieharder Tide fan.

00:08:35.660 Now, what if a woman came and I'm talking a lady came over from Texas A&M. 1.00

00:08:42.360 I'm talking a lady rides up in a Corvette, Willie. 1.00

00:08:45.880 What'd the tits look like? 1.00

00:08:46.560 With some of that fucking, that real, that real. 1.00

00:08:50.880 She got some titties look like two angry dogs trying to chew on your cock. 1.00

00:08:56.240 And tell me this, she got that cooter on her, that aggie. 1.00

00:09:00.220 Yeah, but I seen some of them at the airport.

00:09:04.180 Yeah, baby.

00:09:05.640 And what do you...

00:09:06.600 Oh, man, did some of them have one.

00:09:09.400 God the body.

00:09:10.660 Yeah, praise God, baby. 0.98

00:09:12.700 Had one, now that'll choke a mew. 1.00

00:09:15.420 Yeah, baby, that's what I'm talking about.

00:09:18.040 It was a nice building.

00:09:19.020 They did have a pool at the building.

00:09:19.860 That was pretty cool.

00:09:21.160 And I was learning to play guitar at the time.

00:09:23.180 And so I would go in there.

00:09:24.000 He'd have some...

00:09:24.560 Every now and then he'd have a chick stay over and I'd go in there and play.

00:09:27.080 Oh, man.

00:09:29.140 Tears and tears and tears.

00:09:30.660 The song about Eric Clapton's son dying.

00:09:34.240 That was about...

00:09:35.040 Yeah, that's the song you would play while the guy was getting...

00:09:38.260 Me?

00:09:38.660 Oh, dude, I don't know. 1.00

00:09:40.500 It's about his fucking son falling out of a window. 1.00

00:09:43.860 What? 1.00

00:09:44.720 Yeah.

00:09:45.700 No way.

00:09:46.980 How old was his son?

00:09:47.700 Was he in the military? 1.00

00:09:48.440 No, he was like a little ass kid, dude. 0.99

00:09:50.580 It's a tragic song. 0.99

00:09:55.180 Oh, dude.

00:09:56.140 Sorry.

00:09:57.360 Sorry, Eric.

00:09:59.100 Is that Clapton's alive?

00:10:00.700 He's alive, yeah.

00:10:01.600 Oh, man.

00:10:03.880 So your friend's dad, who's giving you shelter, is getting...

00:10:08.140 See?

00:10:08.660 With one of his eight Viagras.

00:10:11.280 And he has to battle that Viagra's up against that old man's LED.

00:10:15.720 And the saddest song.

00:10:17.020 One of the saddest songs of the 90s.

00:10:19.960 A poor rendition, by the way.

00:10:21.680 There's no way you were good at it.

00:10:22.780 You're butchering it. 1.00

00:10:24.160 And it's sad as shit. 1.00

00:10:28.040 Bink, bink. 0.99

00:10:29.180 Oh, sorry.

00:10:29.860 Sorry.

00:10:30.700 Bink, bink, bink. 0.95

00:10:31.600 Bink, bink, bink. 0.95

00:10:33.160 Oh, so my bad.

00:10:34.360 Bink, bink, bink, bink, bink, bink. 0.77

00:10:37.600 What do you know?

00:10:38.900 What do you mean?

00:10:40.800 Dude, but I would go in there.

00:10:41.980 And one time, after a couple...

00:10:43.280 They would request me to come back in.

00:10:44.840 Wow. 1.00

00:10:46.340 You were the fucking... 1.00

00:10:47.800 You were the music for them fucking. 1.00

00:10:50.560 There used to be a show. 1.00

00:10:51.380 It was like Amish... 1.00

00:10:52.940 Something Amish.

00:10:54.060 Like...

00:10:54.180 Yeah.

00:10:55.180 Something Amish.

00:10:56.560 And they...

00:10:57.320 Good show.

00:10:58.000 This one...

00:10:59.000 Yeah.

00:11:00.160 Something Amish.

00:11:00.980 This one dude kept, like, mowing his grass.

00:11:04.440 He had to use that old school cutter.

00:11:05.880 This, like, the spinning thing.

00:11:06.900 The spinning wheel thing.

00:11:08.020 Yeah. 0.99

00:11:08.160 And he's like, this sucks. 0.98

00:11:10.020 I was adopted. 0.98

00:11:10.900 I'm not even supposed to be Amish, he said.

00:11:13.360 I'm not even supposed to be. 0.99

00:11:15.500 Your interview is fucking hilarious. 0.98

00:11:17.260 It's like a flight that never takes off. 1.00

00:11:18.900 You're just sitting there.

00:11:20.920 Man, I wish you could pick your cases.

00:11:22.580 Like, I wish they had, like, a menu.

00:11:24.620 Like, oh, here's the cases they're doing today.

00:11:26.360 Because then I could see if I want to pretend like I'm racist or not to try and get out of it.

00:11:29.720 Oh, yeah.

00:11:30.160 You got to...

00:11:30.720 Yeah.

00:11:31.180 I roll right in there and tell them I'm racist.

00:11:35.320 What t-shirt are you wearing?

00:11:36.640 And last time, they're like, we have so many racists here today.

00:11:39.900 We still have to ask you guys a couple questions.

00:11:42.700 I'm like...

00:11:42.820 We got to filter through that. 0.90

00:11:44.920 See how racist you are? 1.00

00:11:46.880 Like, we just go and grab a random group of a hundred of America's dumbest people and be like, 1.00

00:11:51.760 hey, sit in this room. 1.00

00:11:52.700 We're going to use 10 of you to solve this murder.

00:11:55.380 It blows my mind.

00:11:56.680 Well, it's...

00:11:58.000 The craziest part about it is... 1.00

00:11:59.860 This bitch works at a Leslie's Pool Supply and now they're fucking in charge of a murder? 1.00

00:12:04.480 Now they're trying to figure out who killed Kennedy right here. 1.00

00:12:08.880 Like...

00:12:09.120 And some guy's like, I don't know the difference between a cucumber and a pickle.

00:12:14.060 And you want me to decide on this jury?

00:12:16.380 This is a Fuddruckers manager. 0.96

00:12:19.620 You ever been in a pyramid scheme?

00:12:22.120 No.

00:12:23.120 I've been in a couple.

00:12:24.640 My buddy won his family's football pool.

00:12:30.120 It was like their NCAA, their college football pool they did every year.

00:12:33.380 He won us like $600, dude.

00:12:35.700 He was so excited he could have changed his life.

00:12:38.200 And instead, his mom convinced him to buy a Christmas village of like rare Christmas village houses.

00:12:46.280 Oh, yeah!

00:12:47.460 They're back.

00:12:48.660 They're back.

00:12:50.120 They're coming around.

00:12:50.840 They're happening right now.

00:12:51.980 My buddy to this day is...

00:12:54.040 He's big into Christmas houses.

00:12:55.900 No rent.

00:12:56.820 Rent in much.

00:12:57.480 The tenants don't make much noise.

00:13:00.020 And the streetlights are always on.

00:13:03.940 Electric bill's low.

00:13:04.900 Running into a lot of issues, but God, that just broke him, man.

00:13:11.100 He never recovered from that.

00:13:14.360 Dude, I met a dude yesterday in Tennessee.

00:13:16.100 He said he took out an $800 life insurance policy on his wife.

00:13:20.320 I'm like...

00:13:20.840 $800?

00:13:22.880 That's pretty insulting.

00:13:24.380 Well, yeah.

00:13:24.860 That's what I felt like.

00:13:26.180 When I say I know them, I was probably a kid and there was people that worked around where I live with my...

00:13:30.940 And I think they did crack.

00:13:32.280 That was a rumor.

00:13:33.220 Wow.

00:13:33.660 But I don't really know what crack does.

00:13:35.660 It's a functional...

00:13:37.000 Like, the MyPillow guy...

00:13:39.220 He does crack?

00:13:39.940 He did it his whole building the pillows, you know?

00:13:44.300 Really?

00:13:44.800 Yeah.

00:13:45.200 Oh, so good things can come out of it.

00:13:47.140 Yeah, yeah.

00:13:47.800 Like, there are crack success stories.

00:13:49.720 Oh, yeah.

00:13:50.380 That's a good call.

00:13:51.020 You know what I'm saying?

00:13:52.160 Oh, wow.

00:13:52.920 Is that what the secret is?

00:13:53.960 It's like crack in there?

00:13:55.080 I don't know what it is.

00:13:55.820 It's like they dust a pillow with crack before they ship it. 0.99

00:13:58.880 People are like, yo, this is the best fucking pillow I've ever had in my life. 0.99

00:14:01.520 This is my pillow. 1.00

00:14:02.320 You can't have that shit. 1.00

00:14:03.480 It's like crack bae, that guy like this, you know? 1.00

00:14:08.240 There's a guy on the assembly line just like, as they pass.

00:14:12.080 I was going to say, probably, I wish meth had like a birth control aspect to it.

00:14:16.580 Oh, man.

00:14:17.180 But I would go White Claw.

00:14:18.440 I think it does.

00:14:19.220 I think when you smoke meth, just everything dries up.

00:14:21.820 Yeah.

00:14:22.740 You know?

00:14:23.540 Yeah, maybe that's true.

00:14:24.400 I never smoked it.

00:14:24.860 I always wanted to smoke crack.

00:14:26.000 I never got to smoke crack. 1.00

00:14:27.280 Oh, damn. 0.99

00:14:29.240 It's um... 0.99

00:14:30.480 Did you ever smoke it?

00:14:31.500 Oh, yeah.

00:14:32.320 Really? 1.00

00:14:33.000 Oh, fuck yeah. 1.00

00:14:34.100 No way, dude. 1.00

00:14:35.760 Damn. 1.00

00:14:36.580 Dude, you know, my body figured I was tweaking and like, you know, and they showed me how 1.00

00:14:40.900 to...

00:14:41.420 They're like, you got a light bulb?

00:14:42.440 And I'm like, yeah.

00:14:43.500 And so they showed me how to take the little silver thing off the bulb and you can take

00:14:49.040 it out.

00:14:49.360 And then you put some warm salt water in there and swish it around. 0.99

00:14:51.820 You get all that white shit off the bulb. 0.98

00:14:53.480 Then you got a nice clear bulb. 1.00

00:14:55.400 So then you kind of just tap some shit down in there and you can burn it and smoke it. 0.99

00:14:58.800 So whatever. 1.00

00:14:59.240 I hit the shit. 1.00

00:15:01.140 Woo! 1.00

00:15:01.560 All of a sudden, where's my guitar?

00:15:03.220 I want to play guitar so bad.

00:15:04.620 So for two days, I sat there and playing. 0.99

00:15:07.720 Two fucking days. 1.00

00:15:08.740 I didn't eat. 1.00

00:15:09.740 I don't even think I pissed.

00:15:11.420 Yeah.

00:15:11.840 It was insane.

00:15:13.280 And then two days later, somebody finally snaps me out of it by knocking on my door.

00:15:18.420 It was my friend Brendan.

00:15:19.700 Brendan Lauer. 0.97

00:15:21.060 And I hear the knock on the slider door and I'm like, oh, fucking I put my guitar down 0.98

00:15:25.700 on that. 0.98

00:15:25.920 I'll be right back.

00:15:27.160 Like, don't like I hate to leave you like, oh, you know, I wanted that guitar so bad still

00:15:32.620 after two days straight of playing it.

00:15:34.880 And I all go open the door and my friend Brendan's there. 0.99

00:15:37.180 He's like, what the fuck's all over your face? 0.99

00:15:40.220 And I'm like, what? 0.99

00:15:41.000 And I go in the bathroom and I look in the mirror and my face is all green. 1.00

00:15:45.100 And I'm like, oh, fuck. 0.99

00:15:46.600 Like, I thought it was like from the meth or something. 0.99

00:15:48.620 It was like, oh, no, my skin's turning green.

00:15:51.220 And it was from like, I was playing my guitar for so long that the bronze on my strings had

00:15:56.500 like gone to my fingers and I had touched my face. 0.95

00:15:58.980 And so I had green shit on my face from my guitar strings. 0.99

00:16:01.840 And I was so twacked out, you know, I didn't know what the fuck was going on. 0.99

00:16:05.280 I took this girl home from the bar the other night. 0.98

00:16:09.820 I just, someone caught me, you know, it was just different.

00:16:14.440 Something different about her, you know, she was kind of shy, but I liked her. 0.99

00:16:18.620 So I got her home and when we pulled her pants off, she had nipples on her butt cheeks, man. 1.00

00:16:25.280 It was so strange. 0.99

00:16:26.840 I didn't know how to feel about it. 0.86

00:16:29.500 Nipples on her butt cheeks. 0.99

00:16:31.680 Wow. 0.95

00:16:32.840 How to feel about it, feel about it with them hands, baby.

00:16:35.600 What are you talking about? 1.00

00:16:37.200 Those are extra tits, bro. 1.00

00:16:39.240 Now I wouldn't motorboat them or you're going to end up in some dirty oil. 0.99

00:16:44.660 You feel me? 0.99

00:16:45.280 But those are extra tits, brother. 1.00

00:16:47.900 It's great to challenge yourself and to push new limits and go to different heights. 0.99

00:16:52.360 You know what I'm saying?

00:16:52.900 And be tough on yourself.

00:16:54.340 But you also got to give yourself some grace.

00:16:56.420 Like that's where that balance come in.

00:16:58.440 Yeah.

00:16:58.600 So if you down and you all the time, how is that going to make you feel down, depressed?

00:17:05.560 Oh my goodness.

00:17:06.200 Now I got to do this.

00:17:06.980 Now I got to do that.

00:17:07.660 Now I got to revert to this versus like, man, like, okay, I didn't fail.

00:17:12.120 Okay.

00:17:12.380 I'm not the only person to fail.

00:17:14.320 You know what I'm saying?

00:17:14.840 Okay.

00:17:15.040 How I get up out of this?

00:17:16.380 You know what I'm saying?

00:17:16.820 Who I need to talk to to get up out of this?

00:17:18.480 You know what I'm saying?

00:17:18.900 Like a lawyer usually, but you're never supposed to say you're competitive, but I want, you 0.95

00:17:25.600 know, there's been a lot of music biopics and I wanted to do a great fucking job, man. 0.93

00:17:30.380 I love Bob Dylan. 0.95

00:17:31.860 I love this artist.

00:17:33.500 None of this is for granted.

00:17:34.800 This little misconception about actors too and acting, you can have a cushy job on a TV

00:17:38.340 show. 0.97

00:17:38.720 If you don't give a fuck about your work, it could be a great lifestyle, right? 0.99

00:17:41.640 You're making like high six figures, maybe low seven figures and you're just showing up 0.99

00:17:45.500 when you want. 0.99

00:17:45.760 And if you give a fuck about what you're doing, these are, these are long ass days. 0.99

00:17:50.080 You know what I mean? 0.99

00:17:50.540 These are 14 hour days, six days a week sometimes, you know, three months.

00:17:54.640 Look, I know, I know people got it way harder, but I want to feel that grit.

00:17:58.760 You know, I want to feel it.

00:18:00.160 You know, I hope people don't laugh at it. 0.91

00:18:01.140 I fucking really, I feel like I'm the hardest working man. 0.79

00:18:04.200 Anyway, maybe I shouldn't say that, but, but. 0.90

00:18:06.420 You respect what you do.

00:18:08.180 Yeah.

00:18:08.560 Cause you got to, what else is the point?

00:18:10.000 I talk about this with friends a lot.

00:18:11.020 Like, this is too weird a lifestyle to be nonchalant about.

00:18:15.980 Yeah.

00:18:16.320 Why do this?

00:18:17.440 Yeah.

00:18:18.220 If you're not going to go as hard as possible.

00:18:20.400 What do you guys see on the cameras?

00:18:21.980 And did you guys ever catch anybody having sex or anything like that?

00:18:24.880 We've seen a lot on camera.

00:18:26.360 I've seen people getting head.

00:18:28.860 I've seen, I've seen it all.

00:18:30.620 Oh yeah.

00:18:31.080 That's one vote for Trump right there.

00:18:32.720 Hell yeah.

00:18:33.080 Feel me.

00:18:33.420 But we had a direct incident with one of our guards.

00:18:39.360 So, and what rank was he?

00:18:41.660 He was a no striper.

00:18:42.880 No stripe.

00:18:43.280 He was a no stripe. 0.91

00:18:44.520 He, he, he was a baggy pant, dicky wearing guy like me.

00:18:47.420 Um, good guy though. 0.75

00:18:49.120 But he was messing around with the girl from Cinnabon.

00:18:52.120 He was.

00:18:52.680 Yeah.

00:18:53.100 So the girl from Cinnabon, we were watching her go from Cinnabon to the parking lot to her car.

00:18:58.240 Okay.

00:18:58.760 But she was walking with a guy.

00:19:00.220 Oh, she's walking with a guy to her car.

00:19:01.640 And he, I think he was, I think he was the employee, one of the employees from the movie theater goes in there. 1.00

00:19:06.620 We could clearly tell they're doing some shit. 0.99

00:19:09.980 He leaves within five minutes. 1.00

00:19:13.260 Somebody else comes walking up.

00:19:14.680 It's our guard.

00:19:15.400 He gets in the car.

00:19:16.700 They start doing their thing.

00:19:18.800 Was it a Honda Accord?

00:19:21.160 Uh, it was a Nissan Altima.

00:19:24.540 Yeah.

00:19:24.820 Yeah.

00:19:25.580 Altima.

00:19:26.440 For sure.

00:19:27.020 So the company starts growing, right?

00:19:28.960 Yeah.

00:19:29.320 And in addition to people helping each other get jobs, people were helping each other.

00:19:33.860 People were starting relationships on there.

00:19:35.480 I went on dates off of, um, Craigslist before, you know, I mean, I would use casual encounters too.

00:19:41.760 You know, it's like, that was sometimes, um, I met a girl one time and we watched a Nets game and made love, honestly.

00:19:49.040 And she, let me sign our cast.

00:19:50.660 Right.

00:19:50.940 And I was like, you know, and it was, we had a great time.

00:19:55.000 I think we, I think we dated.

00:19:56.680 Well, there's a, there's no accounting for taste.

00:19:59.800 Yeah.

00:20:00.300 But, uh, I'm glad, I'm glad.

00:20:03.000 Yeah.

00:20:03.200 I know who wants to be a Nets fan.

00:20:04.860 I need Caleb Presley biblically.

00:20:07.980 And that's your best friend.

00:20:09.120 Mm-hmm.

00:20:09.620 I just texted with him today.

00:20:10.860 Special guy.

00:20:12.040 I have a, I have a crush on him that's like.

00:20:14.360 Really?

00:20:14.800 It's bad.

00:20:15.920 Because he's another SEC boy, right?

00:20:18.380 Tennessee.

00:20:18.880 Um, he went to, um.

00:20:21.920 North Carolina.

00:20:22.620 Yep.

00:20:23.120 He went to North Carolina.

00:20:23.360 You're kidding.

00:20:24.840 Why is he, he's like a volunteer fan.

00:20:26.100 But he is a volunteers fan.

00:20:28.180 He says he played at North Carolina.

00:20:29.540 He didn't.

00:20:31.140 But. 1.00

00:20:31.720 He's a liar and a cheat. 1.00

00:20:33.200 True, but he's handsome. 1.00

00:20:34.460 It is true.

00:20:34.980 And he is extremely, uh, unique.

00:20:39.340 He's, you guys are similar, I think.

00:20:41.100 You guys would have a really nice time.

00:20:42.900 You think?

00:20:43.720 We look a little related.

00:20:45.380 Oh, I think maybe it's true.

00:20:46.560 You guys both have blue eyes.

00:20:48.020 Yeah.

00:20:48.440 You have blonde hair.

00:20:49.220 Yeah.

00:20:49.720 Yeah.

00:20:50.400 I have the same facial hair as him. 1.00

00:20:52.240 Oh, damn. 1.00

00:20:53.280 Well. 1.00

00:20:54.400 Have you been married before?

00:20:55.520 No.

00:20:55.800 No.

00:20:56.280 It was your first marriage.

00:20:57.260 Yeah, I was with, I've had three really long term relationships. 0.75

00:21:02.040 I had already felt so fucking terrible about cheating on girls.

00:21:06.220 I always got caught. 0.97

00:21:07.400 Inevitably, I got caught.

00:21:08.840 And those were the, like, I can remember those phone calls.

00:21:11.880 Calls.

00:21:12.080 Trying to explain why it didn't, you didn't care.

00:21:16.780 Was there anything worse than that?

00:21:18.420 Oh, my God.

00:21:19.400 Well, it's tied with driving to someone's apartment to tell them that you're breaking up.

00:21:25.660 I mean, those, those two for me are like, I've had a lot of motorcycle injuries.

00:21:30.580 I'd take them a million times before I'd ever drive to someone's apartment and just say,

00:21:35.340 like, I think we're in different places.

00:21:37.800 Yeah. 1.00

00:21:37.920 And they're like, no shit. 0.99

00:21:39.480 Sometimes I have a tough time feeling proud of myself. 0.99

00:21:41.900 Do you know what that, you know, and I think I've had other people call in our, our show

00:21:45.920 that have talked about that, you know?

00:21:48.060 What do you think it is?

00:21:49.420 I don't know.

00:21:50.200 I feel like, um, I almost feel like it's just, there's a disconnect, like it doesn't

00:21:55.560 even land on me.

00:21:57.240 Or I feel like maybe if I feel like I'm proud of myself, like if I actually feel proud of

00:22:02.900 myself, it'll go against some script that I've always had written or some thing that

00:22:08.860 was always written inside of me.

00:22:10.260 You know, it's like, it's almost like it wouldn't, if I wrote on the wall of myself, I'm proud 0.95

00:22:14.460 of you, it wouldn't even fucking show up on the wall. 0.95

00:22:17.420 What emotion would you feel if you saw that? 0.97

00:22:20.200 Um, like what emotion would I feel if I saw what?

00:22:22.480 I'm proud of myself. 0.99

00:22:23.360 Would you go bullshit? 1.00

00:22:24.280 Would you be pissed off by it? 1.00

00:22:25.620 Would you be annoyed?

00:22:26.460 Would you just, no, I think I'd feel ashamed of myself for even thinking it.

00:22:29.600 That's interesting.

00:22:30.840 And it produced an emotion in you just now, even when you just thought about it, I saw

00:22:33.540 that flash in your eyes.

00:22:34.540 It's just a little bit of water.

00:22:35.780 Oh yeah.

00:22:36.140 A little bit of fluid.

00:22:36.720 Oh yeah, dude. 1.00

00:22:37.740 Fuck. 1.00

00:22:38.000 We cry on here every week. 1.00

00:22:39.060 Sorry, dude.

00:22:40.080 That's beautiful.

00:22:40.920 No, it's okay.

00:22:41.520 But yeah, we don't have any, we don't have any shame about that.

00:22:43.460 No, you shouldn't.

00:22:44.180 But I'm saying liquid leaving your body in a public place, as long as through your eyes is not

00:22:47.700 Yeah, that's what I'm talking about, huh?

00:22:50.700 Yeah, yeah.

00:22:51.380 Don't ask.

00:22:52.080 Don't ask.

00:22:53.140 That's right.

00:22:53.620 All this ditty stuff going on, man.

00:22:54.940 What do you...

00:22:55.540 I'm sure glad that I didn't hang out with him, right?

00:22:58.500 You never got into, you never were in his universe.

00:23:00.100 I've met him, right, but never went out, right?

00:23:01.700 Is it scary when people get to a level of wealth that they can kind of have anything?

00:23:06.920 Like, what is some of that...

00:23:07.820 It's like, I'll get invited to these parties, right?

00:23:10.780 That really nice house and stuff, right?

00:23:12.480 Right, but there'll be like 50 servants, right?

00:23:17.240 Five people to answer the door, six people that just specialize in toast, right? 1.00

00:23:21.840 Just ridiculous shit, right? 1.00

00:23:23.340 And all over, I'm like, how do you live like this? 1.00

00:23:25.480 You know, because it's bad enough.

00:23:27.100 Like, I have too big a house.

00:23:29.080 And so you have to have people there to clean it and stuff like that.

00:23:31.920 And there's no privacy just with that.

00:23:33.540 And there's people that'll have like 10 people in the house at all times.

00:23:36.940 Yeah.

00:23:37.400 And I don't see how they live, right?

00:23:39.360 Dude, I remember when I first got a clean lady to come once a week, I helped her like 1.00

00:23:42.800 the first month.

00:23:44.340 I felt horrible.

00:23:46.540 Dude, Trump. 1.00

00:23:48.100 Yeah, man, insane. 0.99

00:23:49.420 Took the hit, though.

00:23:50.860 Oh, it was crazy, dude.

00:23:53.380 Yeah.

00:23:53.760 That image.

00:23:55.160 Him yelling.

00:23:56.180 Fight.

00:23:56.680 Yeah, fight. 0.84

00:23:57.920 My God, dude.

00:23:59.220 I didn't know.

00:24:00.500 Put that on the American flag.

00:24:01.780 Yeah.

00:24:02.900 You know, put that right where the stars are. 1.00

00:24:04.720 This fucking dude. 1.00

00:24:05.700 Now, this could be easily an actor. 1.00

00:24:07.780 That's me.

00:24:08.240 That is me with one of those silicone masks on.

00:24:15.340 It's like the Guy Fieri hat that you buy at the store that comes with the hair.

00:24:22.040 His face is going, well, he was up there.

00:24:26.420 We was yelling.

00:24:27.480 They didn't know.

00:24:28.620 But we could hear him.

00:24:30.660 So we walked up.

00:24:31.900 Oh, it is a fake hat.

00:24:32.840 And probably five to seven minutes of Trump speaking.

00:24:36.560 I'm estimating here.

00:24:37.300 I have no idea.

00:24:37.860 He's got chew in, too.

00:24:39.280 Big old dip.

00:24:39.900 He's got chew stuck in his neck.

00:24:41.120 We noticed the guy crawling, bear crawling up the roof of the building beside us, 50 feet

00:24:50.040 away from us.

00:24:51.120 So we're standing there.

00:24:52.420 We're pointing at the guy crawling up the roof.

00:24:55.680 And he had a gun, right?

00:24:56.640 I'm going to call this dude out.

00:24:57.600 Go do something, dude.

00:24:59.040 Yeah.

00:24:59.500 What are you doing? 0.98

00:25:00.240 You're pointing at him for two minutes when you're fucking just finishing a beer? 1.00

00:25:04.000 Fucking 50 feet away. 1.00

00:25:06.840 God gives you one chance to be a fucking hero. 1.00

00:25:10.540 And instead, you pop open another fucking bush light, dude. 1.00

00:25:14.840 Both of these gentlemen are just interesting creatures. 0.99

00:25:18.660 These are actors, dude.

00:25:19.920 Yeah, dude. 1.00

00:25:20.700 This is a fucking, the backup, dude. 1.00

00:25:23.340 They got this dude off of Timu, this announcer. 1.00

00:25:26.520 Look what he's even using to interview him.

00:25:28.140 Yeah.

00:25:28.780 A mop.

00:25:29.480 It's a mop.

00:25:30.140 It's not even a microphone.

00:25:31.600 That's a Swiffer. 0.51

00:25:34.440 What is the current immigration policy?

00:25:37.860 Is that a fair question?

00:25:38.820 So it depends on, so again, it's so vast.

00:25:41.260 Like, are you coming over here as a tourist?

00:25:43.020 Then you get a visa for six months.

00:25:44.440 I see what you're saying.

00:25:45.000 So, yeah.

00:25:45.560 Okay.

00:25:45.920 And if you're coming here to work, you got to get to work.

00:25:48.080 You got to have a passport and a worker visa.

00:25:49.760 Now, there are so many types of visas from, you know, from entertainment to family to work.

00:25:55.760 And it really just depends on what it is you're after.

00:25:59.380 If you're coming here and you have a valid passport and you have a, you want to be a tourist for six months, you get a tourist visa and you get it stamped and you fly in or drive in.

00:26:10.600 You come to the Port of Venture and you're free to move out of the country for six months.

00:26:13.720 If you overstay, then you could be deported.

00:26:16.360 So why do people not want to use the pathways, the legal pathways to immigration?

00:26:21.940 It takes too much time.

00:26:23.360 It's, the line's so long.

00:26:24.620 Ah, you're my mother's absolute favorite, dude.

00:26:26.840 Just because, this is why, she's probably never heard any of your music, but because you say what you want to say.

00:26:31.980 I came out with little fingers on my CDs, like, running my mouth.

00:26:36.160 It's like, I always say, and I sound redundant probably, but I haven't changed.

00:26:40.020 The times have changed.

00:26:41.320 Yeah.

00:26:41.600 I've been doing the same thing since day one.

00:26:43.680 Dude, you know what?

00:26:44.260 I think that's really true about you.

00:26:46.060 Because sometimes I think some things you say, I'm like, it seems like the, sometimes I'll be like, that seems kind of outdated.

00:26:53.040 But the truth is just that times have changed. 0.93

00:26:55.460 I was talking cash money shit since I was broke when I was young. 0.97

00:27:00.120 Yeah. 1.00

00:27:00.300 I've talked cash money shit. 1.00

00:27:03.100 I probably came out of the womb talking cash money shit. 1.00

00:27:06.700 Yeah. 1.00

00:27:07.000 And they're like, it's a boy, it's a girl, it's, it's somebody talking shit. 1.00

00:27:11.720 That's all we know. 1.00

00:27:12.960 Crazy, dude.

00:27:13.620 Just because like, I mean, obviously like so many people tell you all the time, just, you know, Dr. Feelgood, just so much of just like, I mean, my brother would beat me, beat me to you guys' music.

00:27:23.960 That's crazy.

00:27:24.740 Yeah.

00:27:25.080 I was the drum dude.

00:27:25.960 I was a snare for my brother and it was awesome though, but it was loving, you know, like.

00:27:29.100 How bad was it like when addiction hit you guys' band and stuff?

00:27:32.760 Was that pretty crazy?

00:27:34.300 When you're looking around and you're seeing the guys in your band, everybody's this close from not waking up again. 1.00

00:27:45.200 You know, you know, that kind of shit. 0.99

00:27:47.660 Like, um, and you know, and you've, you've reached a level of like, um, doing crazy shit. 1.00

00:27:57.600 Like when you're shooting fucking Jack Daniels in your arm because you ran out of heroin, when you could just drink the fucking Jack and be like, oh, and just fucking drink. 0.99

00:28:09.920 We're out of heroin, but I mean, if we shoot it, it'll be fucking better. 1.00

00:28:15.540 It's just alcohol. 0.99

00:28:17.160 Like when you're doing dumb shit like that, we're like, I think it's, someone's going to die here soon. 0.99

00:28:23.540 Like we should all, and we did it as a band. 0.99

00:28:26.020 We were like, you know, we'd take handfuls of fucking halcyons, they were called. 0.98

00:28:31.700 And, and then we'd fucking and go that and go out for the night. 1.00

00:28:35.800 But those are all, these are all fucking like downers and sleeping pills. 0.99

00:28:40.320 So like, who does that? 1.00

00:28:41.840 You're, you're, we're doing such dumb, dangerous shit. 1.00

00:28:45.540 That everybody was like, all right, that's it. 1.00

00:28:48.900 We're all going to do this together.

00:28:51.300 And we just, it was like 89. 1.00

00:28:53.740 We all went to fucking rehab. 0.99

00:28:56.900 Together? 1.00

00:28:58.180 Different rehabs.

00:28:59.480 But, um, but yeah.

00:29:01.760 For me, I was mixing so much stuff.

00:29:03.680 So much speed. 0.99

00:29:04.180 This kid was all over the fucking place. 0.99

00:29:05.220 And down, but you can hear it in the music now. 1.00

00:29:07.320 Sometimes we go back for, for laughs and we'll listen to some of the shit I made when I was like in psychosis. 0.99

00:29:13.140 What would you say is the most fucked up you ever were for an album? 1.00

00:29:16.920 I want to die in New Orleans. 1.00

00:29:18.560 I think mine is. 0.68

00:29:19.500 I was literally in psychosis from doing so much speed and, and, and downers, bro.

00:29:25.720 Um, I thought Southwest Airlines was trying to kill me.

00:29:28.740 I thought.

00:29:29.000 You told me that story once.

00:29:30.180 Yeah, I thought Kyle took a life insurance policy out on me for 70 grand. 1.00

00:29:33.660 This motherfucker. 1.00

00:29:34.680 Bro, that's the most New Orleans shit ever. 1.00

00:29:36.720 Bro. 1.00

00:29:36.860 Somebody takes a life insurance policy out for $700, bro.

00:29:40.280 Just for want to make it their truck payment. 1.00

00:29:42.680 That's the fucking most New Orleans shit, bro. 1.00

00:29:45.180 I remember that. 1.00

00:29:45.740 We were in, we were in New Zealand when he told me that.

00:29:47.420 He thought that they were putting a hit out on us.

00:29:49.400 Yeah.

00:29:50.020 He thought like.

00:29:50.620 What do you say when he sits you down?

00:29:52.340 Oh, bro. 0.99

00:29:52.640 I'll put them through hell, bro. 0.95

00:29:53.680 At one point I was starting to get really impatient with it because like, I was tired of explaining. 0.93

00:29:59.720 I was tired of explaining that like this insane theory wasn't actually happening.

00:30:04.880 I would one time.

00:30:05.900 I thought he had my phone.

00:30:06.760 This was one time where he quit suicide boys on Twitter.

00:30:09.220 I don't know if you remember that.

00:30:10.240 Oh, I remember.

00:30:11.020 And he, I remember where I was at.

00:30:12.320 At the time he had just bought a condo in Bradenton, Florida, outside of Sarasota.

00:30:16.620 And I can't get in touch with them.

00:30:18.100 Kyle can't get in touch with them.

00:30:19.400 And we decide let's, let's go out there.

00:30:22.300 Let's just press him.

00:30:23.140 Let's be in person.

00:30:23.960 So long story short, we fly down there, rent a car, drive to his apartment.

00:30:28.020 And he doesn't expect us.

00:30:29.260 He doesn't know we're coming.

00:30:30.600 We go upstairs and I knock on the door.

00:30:32.980 And he's like, one second, I think to myself, like, man, I just flew out here. 1.00

00:30:36.880 Fuck that. 1.00

00:30:37.280 I'm not waiting a second. 1.00

00:30:37.960 I was like, bro, I'm here.

00:30:39.340 What's up?

00:30:39.740 Like, what's the problem?

00:30:41.020 And he was like, give me a second.

00:30:42.780 He had to go to the bathroom, do his little thing, catch my drift.

00:30:46.240 And then we came outside.

00:30:47.140 He was ready to talk. 0.99

00:30:47.820 And this long story to say, I was trying to like, see, I was like, is he fucking with 0.99

00:30:53.120 me? 0.99

00:30:53.380 Is he lying to me? 1.00

00:30:54.820 Is he thinking I'm, does he think I'm stupid? 1.00

00:30:56.740 Or does he actually believe this shit? 1.00

00:30:58.540 And is he, is he fucking crazy? 1.00

00:31:00.160 Yeah. 1.00

00:31:00.560 So I had to sit him down and I was like, bro, this Southwest thing.

00:31:03.940 Do you think that the board, like, like the people on the board of Southwest sit in a

00:31:09.500 boardroom?

00:31:10.120 Southwest Airlines.

00:31:11.080 Southwest Airlines.

00:31:11.980 And they, they discuss how we're going to assassinate scrim from Suicide Boys.

00:31:16.440 And he looked at me dead in the eyes, the most serious look on his face.

00:31:20.060 And he goes, yes.

00:31:21.440 And I lost my mind, bro.

00:31:23.360 I took my phone and I threw it on the, I was trying to hit the grass, but I hit the

00:31:27.680 sidewalk. 0.99

00:31:28.180 The fucker sparked it and, uh, I thought they were trying to kill me because my brother 1.00

00:31:35.620 had bootlegged one of our tracks and, and cause he was bad off on dope and sold it to 1.00

00:31:41.340 this person for like 800 bucks, but actually didn't give him the song and just scammed

00:31:46.460 them.

00:31:46.860 And I thought the person he scammed was the son of somebody on the board of Southwest

00:31:51.640 and they were just going to take me out.

00:31:53.520 To speak on the other, to speak on the other side of things, I'm thinking what is coming

00:31:58.660 out of his mouth?

00:31:59.340 Is it real or not?

00:32:00.460 Come to find out the story of his brother stealing a song and selling it is true.

00:32:03.900 So it's like, and I'm sitting there and I feel bad cause I'm like been calling him a 0.99

00:32:07.740 liar in my head and all this shit. 0.98

00:32:08.960 And then I find out it's true. 1.00

00:32:10.880 So then I'm like, all right, so is all of this true?

00:32:13.400 I still refuse to believe that the board of Southwest is meeting to discuss his assassination,

00:32:18.420 but. 0.99

00:32:18.640 Like I had my, my brother and my family believe that I had fucking time, bro. 0.99

00:32:23.120 I was very convincing. 0.97

00:32:24.420 There's a guy living at our, at our house at the moment.

00:32:27.520 And, uh, he was like trying to get off work to just come down and just say hi.

00:32:31.540 Oh, and just mill around like a loitering.

00:32:33.720 They call it.

00:32:34.280 Yeah.

00:32:34.500 Yeah.

00:32:34.700 I think you guys loitering must be a British thing. 0.98

00:32:37.060 Cause we wouldn't say that loitering.

00:32:38.900 What would you say?

00:32:39.860 We'd be like, Oh yeah.

00:32:41.200 Stalking.

00:32:41.660 Yeah.

00:32:42.000 Well, stalking is more like once you've loitered and you see something in the window, 0.99

00:32:45.260 you know, you see something, you see a bit of tits. 1.00

00:32:48.400 It's in the distance or something. 0.98

00:32:50.480 Yeah.

00:32:51.080 But yeah, that's stalking.

00:32:52.440 Yeah.

00:32:52.680 Yeah.

00:32:52.900 And then it's breaking and entering, you know, and then it's marriage usually.

00:32:58.820 If you have a way with words, I think.

00:33:00.820 Here's a couple of Viettes right here. 1.00

00:33:02.280 Bring them up.

00:33:06.680 And this is Jan Mare. 1.00

00:33:10.040 Damn, this fucking kid is ripping, bro. 1.00

00:33:14.200 Full allowance this week. 1.00

00:33:19.100 God damn it. 0.99

00:33:20.100 Yeah, yes. 1.00

00:33:24.020 Look at his face.

00:33:26.000 His, how does he even know how to feel all this?

00:33:30.440 God.

00:33:33.540 I got a game on tour right now.

00:33:35.760 This kid could also be 40 years old, dude.

00:33:38.400 We don't know what's going on, bro.

00:33:41.580 Unreal if that's a real person and not AI.

00:33:44.360 No one's going to know. 1.00

00:33:45.060 The kids aren't going to remember this fucking guy. 1.00

00:33:47.080 Dude, most people can't even see that far. 1.00

00:33:49.120 How far can people see usually?

00:33:51.940 What do you mean?

00:33:53.460 I'm just saying, like, how far can somebody see?

00:33:59.440 What does that mean?

00:34:00.440 The average sight distance for a person with normal vision is about three miles. 1.00

00:34:04.000 Get fucked, dude. 1.00

00:34:05.780 When standing on a flat surface with their eyes about five feet above the ground. 1.00

00:34:09.220 That is bullshit. 0.99

00:34:11.220 I thought it was like 70 feet or something. 0.99

00:34:14.740 Why are you asking this question?

00:34:17.680 I'm not sure exactly, I guess.

00:34:19.060 What were you talking about?

00:34:19.620 We were just talking about David Spade, average read.

00:34:21.560 I just got a Cybertruck, too.

00:34:23.760 Oh, you were telling me that.

00:34:24.780 Yeah.

00:34:25.100 You got it?

00:34:25.680 Yeah.

00:34:26.280 How is it?

00:34:27.500 It's wild, bro.

00:34:28.700 I mean, for one, you feel like you kind of work at Lowe's kind of a little.

00:34:33.540 Because it feels like you're supposed to be delivering something to somebody, but you never drop it off.

00:34:38.880 What do you put back then?

00:34:40.200 No, it's just the whole car feels a little bit like an appliance.

00:34:43.660 Yeah.

00:34:44.360 So it feels like sometimes somebody's just going to open up the back and just put a TV dinner in it.

00:34:50.660 You know, it just has this like kind of, or just put a load of laundry in there and just press a button.

00:34:56.100 You know, it has an appliancey kind of feel, but then it makes this sound when you go fast and it literally feels like you're going into the future.

00:35:05.520 Nice.

00:35:05.920 And some people don't know what it is.

00:35:07.880 Like there was a guy who like, I don't know if he was homeless or not, but he just, he just seemed really homeless.

00:35:14.260 And he, he was like, what is it?

00:35:18.420 What is it?

00:35:19.920 You know?

00:35:20.500 And then he just kind of started yelling at it and just cracked a beer open.

00:35:23.840 And I was like, God, being married to a gay man would be fun because there's a feminine energy to him.

00:35:30.440 That would be like almost like having a girlfriend. 0.99

00:35:31.920 Oh, it's the largest Pomeranian you can have if you're a woman is a gay husband. 1.00

00:35:37.680 Yeah. 0.99

00:35:38.200 That's what I said.

00:35:38.920 I feel like, um, that would be your type. 0.99

00:35:41.740 If you dated black girls, I'm willing to date a nice black girl. 1.00

00:35:45.960 Yeah. 0.98

00:35:46.320 Yeah.

00:35:47.080 What is, I mean.

00:35:49.180 A black girl that's nice. 1.00

00:35:50.240 What does she look like? 0.94

00:35:51.160 Like describe.

00:35:51.920 Just tall, kind of.

00:35:53.560 Yeah.

00:35:54.080 Had some booty on her, bro. 1.00

00:35:56.600 Yeah.

00:35:56.780 I knew that.

00:35:57.560 I knew that.

00:35:58.060 And the titty, some of the titty went into the booty. 0.99

00:36:00.460 I was like, damn, this is a whole. 0.98

00:36:02.860 I'm trying to imagine that. 1.00

00:36:04.080 It was just a, God damn. 0.99

00:36:07.980 Like Coke bottle shape. 0.99

00:36:09.340 I mean, she looked like the letter S, bro.

00:36:12.280 Yeah.

00:36:12.840 Yeah.

00:36:13.020 And she was, uh, really pretty eyes.

00:36:16.780 Yeah.

00:36:17.360 Nice.

00:36:19.120 Soft spoken.

00:36:21.720 Looked at me twice.

00:36:23.360 Yeah.

00:36:24.140 Yeah.

00:36:24.500 One time I hung around for a long time for the second look.

00:36:27.040 Yeah.

00:36:27.640 But it still counts.

00:36:28.560 It's getting weird at that point.

00:36:29.560 It still counts.

00:36:30.420 But yeah, it was a little weird.

00:36:31.300 It's getting weird.

00:36:31.860 And I waved and I walked off, bro. 0.99

00:36:33.660 And the wave was what fucking fucked me up. 1.00

00:36:36.800 What type of fucking guy waves? 1.00

00:36:39.800 See, that's going to turn black women off. 1.00

00:36:41.640 I know. 1.00

00:36:42.080 You don't do that shit. 1.00

00:36:42.700 You got to be a little bit gangster. 1.00

00:36:43.800 You got to be straight up.

00:36:44.720 They want straight forward, especially coming from you.

00:36:47.700 You know what I'm saying?

00:36:48.340 One of our white brothers in the community.

00:36:51.000 I think more black women want you to be, you got to be more assertive. 1.00

00:36:55.280 Not too much because you know how y'all, y'all get.

00:36:59.120 But yeah, y'all got to meet it. 0.98

00:37:01.660 None of that turn back the clock shit. 0.99

00:37:05.280 I'm a modern day soldier, brother. 0.99

00:37:08.200 You get what I'm saying?

00:37:09.540 Oh, yeah.

00:37:09.920 Like, um, yeah.

00:37:11.020 A hundred percent, buddy. 0.98

00:37:14.140 None of that going back to the 1800s bullshit. 0.97

00:37:17.100 I'm saying, like, be assertive as if, like. 0.97

00:37:20.280 2012 and up, bro.

00:37:21.500 Yeah, 2012 and up assertive, right?

00:37:23.520 You're fine as hell.

00:37:24.540 You are beautiful.

00:37:25.400 Yeah.

00:37:26.120 And I would like to see you soon.

00:37:28.860 That works.

00:37:30.020 But you got to be, you got to give them a little.

00:37:31.680 They want to feel their oomph.

00:37:34.520 You know what I'm saying?

00:37:35.120 Yeah.

00:37:35.700 Mm.

00:37:36.460 Yeah.

00:37:37.200 Na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na. 0.99

00:37:39.860 I'm a colonel of this motherfucking time. 0.99

00:37:42.420 Y'all left a big bank. 0.99

00:37:43.100 You get what I'm saying?

00:37:44.060 Y'all left a big bank.

00:37:45.140 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:37:46.360 Yeah, what's your kiddo like?

00:37:47.880 I don't know if I.

00:37:48.840 She's a stud. 1.00

00:37:49.600 Oh, it's a baby.

00:37:50.200 It's a girl.

00:37:50.980 Were you there when she was born?

00:37:52.560 I pulled her out of the coochie. 1.00

00:37:54.020 No, you didn't.

00:37:54.600 Yeah, I did.

00:37:55.580 They let me bring my katana in.

00:37:57.080 What kind of shoes did you wear?

00:37:59.320 Closed-toed, obviously.

00:38:01.760 I know this to anybody.

00:38:04.000 Closed-toed shoes.

00:38:04.640 I think that's what God wants.

00:38:05.760 Yeah, you have to.

00:38:06.580 Anybody that wears open-toed shoes to their child's birth is obviously, first of all, a Jimmy Buffett fan. 0.99

00:38:14.440 Well, fuck yeah. 0.98

00:38:15.320 Well, that's the one exception. 0.99

00:38:16.900 I think Jimmy Buffett could wear thongs to the child's birth, I think.

00:38:22.440 Well, what are you supposed to wear?

00:38:24.040 Like, oh, I was saying, I pulled her right out.

00:38:26.480 No way you did.

00:38:27.080 By the head, I did.

00:38:28.020 I got gloved up.

00:38:29.460 And they let you do it?

00:38:30.340 There's not somebody there?

00:38:31.040 Is there a lifeguard or something?

00:38:31.980 Well, I don't know.

00:38:32.540 My doctor was such a baller.

00:38:33.880 And is the mom awake during this?

00:38:35.260 Yes, sir.

00:38:35.820 Okay.

00:38:36.540 She's full awake.

00:38:39.300 She's not on her phone or anything, is she?

00:38:41.760 She's on Clash of Clans.

00:38:45.940 Oh, that's amazing.

00:38:47.120 The child has filed emancipation papers.

00:38:49.260 You can see him right there begging for a sip.

00:38:52.280 Yeah, he's in.

00:38:54.220 That's Deep Roy, isn't it?

00:38:55.660 That's not Deep Roy.

00:38:56.660 That's not a child.

00:38:57.860 That's Deep Roy.

00:38:59.620 And Roy's getting, look at her.

00:39:01.780 She's just beyond.

00:39:04.260 This is a new headshot.

00:39:05.880 Look at this.

00:39:06.620 New headshot.

00:39:07.780 By the way, Deep Roy has pretended to be an infant.

00:39:11.760 Is there going to be a newspaper article?

00:39:15.140 Whitney Cummings' baby was actually Deep Roy.

00:39:19.980 I wouldn't be surprised.

00:39:21.420 There's a lot of, look, things are getting so tough out there.

00:39:24.380 Tim, little people are going undercover.

00:39:27.820 They just had a Russian girl who faked with the family to be able to eat and survive. 0.99

00:39:32.560 So they're just going to have to, you know.

00:39:34.460 And Whitney, because Whitney is, you know.

00:39:37.100 She's busy. 0.52

00:39:37.520 She's busy. 0.52

00:39:38.480 That's the thing with Whitney. 0.93

00:39:39.400 She's a great mom and everything, but she's busy.

00:39:41.920 She's got a lot going on.

00:39:43.160 So she might not notice if her son is Deep Roy.

00:39:48.660 She might not notice.

00:39:51.760 She's got Deep Roy. 1.00

00:39:52.920 Oh, you got a fucking young baby who's just in an Elvis outfit. 0.99

00:39:58.480 She might like how quickly he's growing and like, she might be like, my baby's so impressive. 1.00

00:40:03.820 He's speaking.

00:40:04.740 He's speaking Hindu.

00:40:06.040 He's speaking Hindu.

00:40:07.720 He's dressed like Elvis.

00:40:09.200 Yeah, he's doing great.

00:40:10.040 Like, I've done a great job.

00:40:12.580 I mean, how would you approach that?

00:40:14.780 I was a kid. 1.00

00:40:15.780 Your wife is allergic to the fucking, you know what I mean, cat. 1.00

00:40:19.820 And I'm your kid. 1.00

00:40:20.440 Be real.

00:40:21.500 Don't do comedy.

00:40:22.320 Don't do comedy right now. 1.00

00:40:23.340 I would probably get a shit. 1.00

00:40:24.240 So I'm your dad. 1.00

00:40:25.000 I'm your son.

00:40:25.520 Okay.

00:40:26.360 Hey, Dan.

00:40:28.340 Love me.

00:40:29.160 No, no.

00:40:29.520 You don't have to.

00:40:31.040 Do it.

00:40:31.600 Sorry.

00:40:31.940 Just do it like me.

00:40:33.620 Wait, wait.

00:40:34.600 You don't have to have an Asian accent.

00:40:36.700 I don't know what country we're in.

00:40:39.440 No, no, no.

00:40:40.020 You're you.

00:40:40.900 Okay.

00:40:41.620 Got it.

00:40:42.240 I didn't know.

00:40:42.520 I don't know where you're going to have an Asian accent.

00:40:44.300 I don't know what country we're in.

00:40:45.400 No, we're in America.

00:40:46.640 Okay. 1.00

00:40:46.880 Who gives a fuck? 1.00

00:40:47.680 Well, give me a setting then. 1.00

00:40:48.440 All right.

00:40:48.780 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:40:49.200 Okay.

00:40:49.460 I have to be that specific.

00:40:51.420 Yeah, you're just okay.

00:40:52.120 You live in Nashville.

00:40:53.120 Okay.

00:40:53.500 Your wife is white. 0.98

00:40:54.500 You're my son.

00:40:55.200 Yeah, I'm sorry.

00:40:55.940 I'm not Asian.

00:40:57.280 All right.

00:40:57.760 Make believe that I'm your biological son.

00:40:59.920 Okay.

00:41:00.340 Right?

00:41:00.820 Yeah.

00:41:01.120 Hey, Daddy.

00:41:01.960 Hey, Chucky.

00:41:02.640 What's up?

00:41:05.220 I don't know.

00:41:05.780 The people don't even get thought of anymore, it feels like, a lot of times.

00:41:08.600 And here's the toughest part, I think Bernie is, as a person who has felt like in their

00:41:13.860 life, maybe their father died in a war, their grandfather died in a war, and they've

00:41:17.460 tried to pay their taxes and be a considerate person in their town or their country.

00:41:22.820 After a while, those good people start, it starts to erode a little because they don't

00:41:30.560 feel like, and they lose their sense of purpose, man.

00:41:32.820 When you're, you lose the fabric of your society, a lot of people, that's how they, they didn't

00:41:38.080 even realize it.

00:41:38.840 A lot of us don't even realize that we identify as an American.

00:41:42.140 And when you realize, well, America, it's nothing, but it's a, it's a shell LLC for 0.98

00:41:46.900 fucking big corporations, then what am I? 1.00

00:41:49.740 I'm just a, I'm just a idiot, you know? 1.00

00:41:52.700 And you almost feel ashamed of yourself, you know, or you can, you know? 1.00

00:41:55.940 Anyway, just, I don't know.

00:41:57.780 A lot of that stuff just, I just don't see how people think that that's good or how you're

00:42:02.440 going to still be able to get people to buy in.

00:42:04.940 Theo, I think you said it better than I did.

00:42:07.080 I mean, I agree with you.

00:42:07.860 I think a lot of people are ashamed.

00:42:11.000 They're given up.

00:42:11.800 They're hurting.

00:42:13.440 Yeah.

00:42:13.840 Many of these people have fought and died of their families, have fought and died in

00:42:17.060 wars, and they're good people.

00:42:19.260 And maybe they're, you know, nurses and they're, you know, business people.

00:42:22.580 Yeah.

00:42:22.820 Anything, crossing guard, mailman.

00:42:24.780 Exactly.

00:42:25.400 They believe in their community.

00:42:26.740 Yeah.

00:42:27.320 And meanwhile, they're getting ripped off by people on top politically and economically.

00:42:31.360 Well, even the radio, like you're saying, it's like, you used to have like a newspaper

00:42:34.520 and you, you read and it meant something.

00:42:36.780 Your community meant something.

00:42:37.760 It used to be that your grandpa worked at the factory and they made the table.

00:42:41.780 That you have in your home.

00:42:42.720 And so everything had a story to it.

00:42:44.580 There's some connection.

00:42:45.500 And now it's like, we're buying stuff from countries that they're making it.

00:42:48.940 They don't care.

00:42:49.860 We're using it.

00:42:50.820 We don't care.

00:42:51.460 There's no story.

00:42:52.500 Nobody has any like, uh, there's no, there's no thread.

00:42:59.040 You know, the thread just gets thin.

00:43:00.820 That's a very profound point you just made.

00:43:03.480 And so how do we get it back?

00:43:04.860 You know, it ain't easy.

00:43:06.320 Yeah.

00:43:06.640 But I think it's, but I think you hit the nail on the head and you don't drink or smoke,

00:43:11.340 right?

00:43:11.900 I don't drink or smoke.

00:43:13.020 You never have.

00:43:14.100 No, I never have.

00:43:14.900 I've, uh, I had a great, uh, brother who taught me a lesson.

00:43:19.280 Don't drink.

00:43:20.040 What was his name, Donald?

00:43:21.040 His name was Fred, Fred Trump.

00:43:22.760 So I never had a cigarette and I've never had a glass of alcohol.

00:43:27.000 And my brother was incredible.

00:43:28.640 He would tell me cause he knew he had a problem and it'd say, don't ever drink.

00:43:32.600 Don't ever smoke.

00:43:33.440 He'd always add smoking because he did smoke a lot.

00:43:36.000 Did you guys ever do anything fun together?

00:43:37.460 Like one nice memory that you have with him?

00:43:39.340 He had a great talent for flying.

00:43:41.200 He was a pilot.

00:43:42.480 Oh, sweet.

00:43:43.120 And he loved it.

00:43:43.980 And he ever fly with him?

00:43:45.000 Uh, I did.

00:43:45.900 I flow with him.

00:43:46.820 He was a great pilot and a very talented other pilots would come to his house to study with

00:43:54.000 him, watch him fly.

00:43:55.200 And he was really talented that, but ultimately he had to give that because of the alcohol.

00:44:00.120 He had to give that up, which was a hard thing for him to do, but he had to give that up.

00:44:04.160 I saw where you had, your mom was out and you congratulated her on, she almost has 10 years of

00:44:09.760 sobriety, you said.

00:44:10.640 That's right.

00:44:11.220 Yeah.

00:44:11.380 She's, uh, in January, January of 2025.

00:44:13.960 She will be 10 years clean and sober.

00:44:15.840 What was it like growing up like with an alcoholic mother?

00:44:18.520 Like no judgment against your mother.

00:44:19.720 This is just to look at it.

00:44:21.260 Right.

00:44:21.460 Yeah.

00:44:21.740 Sure.

00:44:22.120 I appreciate that.

00:44:23.000 Yeah.

00:44:23.340 What, um, what is that like?

00:44:25.340 Like, is it hard to make a connection with your mom?

00:44:27.660 Like what are some of the side effects of that, uh, on a child?

00:44:31.640 Even as a young kid, I sort of very neatly divided the world into like three categories of

00:44:36.260 people, right?

00:44:36.760 There were the helpless people, the victims, the people who needed to be helped.

00:44:40.520 There were the bad guys who were preying on the victims.

00:44:43.400 And then there were the strong people who sort of stood up, uh, for, for everybody else

00:44:48.140 and stood up to the bad guys.

00:44:49.660 That's like, you know, that's overly simplistic.

00:44:52.500 Um, but definitely, you know, I, I saw my mom growing up very much as this person who

00:44:59.960 was, who was kind of a victim and was being preyed on by, by bad people.

00:45:05.120 Right.

00:45:05.700 And then the person who was sort of looking up for us and standing up for me, especially

00:45:09.480 was my grandmother.

00:45:11.000 And, uh, I think that, that, that attitude of, you know, some people are just not as strong

00:45:17.460 as we wish them to be.

00:45:18.700 And I probably went into the Marine Corps.

00:45:21.040 I was pretty whiny, pretty resentful kid, was pissed off at my mom, was pissed off at

00:45:25.080 all these other people.

00:45:25.840 Cause I didn't have the things that I thought I should have.

00:45:27.980 And then eventually, yeah, there's me when I was much, much skinnier, much better looking.

00:45:31.940 Oh yeah.

00:45:32.800 The Marines, dude, that was the original Ozempic. 0.53

00:45:35.180 That's right.

00:45:35.800 That's right.

00:45:38.240 There's a lot of Asians for Trump out there.

00:45:40.280 Do you know that?

00:45:44.420 Or how do Asians feel about Trump?

00:45:46.600 Well, let's say it, man.

00:45:50.160 Can I say something to you?

00:45:51.320 Yeah.

00:45:52.260 I'm not the president of Asians. 0.98

00:45:55.800 I seem to think that you seem to think that I'm their leader.

00:46:00.060 Like every month there's a gathering, right?

00:46:02.900 And I get all this information from people.

00:46:04.840 Yeah.

00:46:05.320 Right.

00:46:05.500 And then I go out to the world.

00:46:06.520 I'm their spokesperson or something. 1.00

00:46:07.780 I don't know what the fuck you're talking about. 1.00

00:46:09.720 You're like Kim Jong-un. 1.00

00:46:10.480 No, I'm not Kim Jong-un.

00:46:11.780 You're like a smaller version. 0.80

00:46:12.640 You're like scam Jong-un. 0.67

00:46:13.760 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:46:15.720 There was one lady that covered the Trump thing. 1.00

00:46:17.900 I think it was an Asian lady. 1.00

00:46:19.380 Do you see the thing?

00:46:21.600 Covered the time that we interviewed Trump.

00:46:23.560 This is kind of self-aggrandizing or whatever.

00:46:25.920 Oh, here we go.

00:46:26.980 But that's not even all.

00:46:29.440 Trump has wooed this hyper-masculine online culture deeply.

00:46:34.040 During a recent podcast with the comedian Theo Wan, instead of talking about economy or immigration

00:46:42.320 or healthcare or the global conflicts, they discussed cocaine addiction.

00:46:49.380 Trump?

00:46:49.880 No.

00:46:51.200 Did you?

00:46:51.880 Did you really?

00:46:52.940 Cocaine addiction.

00:46:55.600 Yeah.

00:46:56.420 And some people are just food, just real creeps when it comes to eating.

00:46:59.840 And, you know, I've had owl, you know, I don't know if we can say it or not, but.

00:47:03.760 No, you can't.

00:47:05.280 Well, I didn't.

00:47:06.280 You just did.

00:47:07.140 I didn't have it.

00:47:08.120 You had an owl?

00:47:09.220 You just said you did, though.

00:47:10.780 Huh?

00:47:11.160 You just said you had owl.

00:47:13.060 Did he not just say he had owl?

00:47:14.840 I didn't do it.

00:47:15.760 Wait a minute.

00:47:16.800 Did you?

00:47:17.400 I think he said eagle.

00:47:18.900 Yeah.

00:47:19.420 No, I didn't say eagle, dude.

00:47:20.920 And if I did, it was a wigged eagle. 0.92

00:47:24.120 I don't need bald eagle.

00:47:25.420 No, but I did have, we had owl, my sister's at Tarvin, grilled up two owls.

00:47:31.280 You just said you didn't have it.

00:47:32.840 Was it fried?

00:47:33.480 I thought we could say it now.

00:47:35.200 You can't.

00:47:36.900 Sorry.

00:47:37.540 Ronnie did it.

00:47:38.280 No.

00:47:39.780 That's what I'm saying.

00:47:40.780 I eat anything. 1.00

00:47:43.120 You're a freaking owl eater. 1.00

00:47:45.440 A baldy. 1.00

00:47:46.060 I didn't have a lot.

00:47:47.820 You didn't have a lot.

00:47:50.340 There's not a lot to him.

00:47:51.660 That's the trick.

00:47:52.220 You didn't swallow?

00:47:52.980 I didn't inhale.

00:47:57.500 You know, Thanksgiving, it's interesting that even time says, hey, hold on.

00:48:05.220 I need you to give some thanks.

00:48:06.780 I need you to, you have to have some gratitude here.

00:48:11.340 You know, and I think that that, to me, that's pretty fascinating.

00:48:14.600 That that is a speed bump that's been put into our calendar.

00:48:19.560 It's just built in there.

00:48:21.160 You know, it's a comma.

00:48:23.700 That says, hey, care, right?

00:48:27.300 Care about the things that have happened to you.

00:48:30.360 You know, find things to have gratitude for.

00:48:32.860 And so, yeah, I want to think about those today and just things that I'm thankful for.

00:48:40.240 I'm thankful, yeah, being able to whisper.

00:48:46.520 That's a big one.

00:48:47.520 I'm so thankful for that because otherwise everybody in your family would just wouldn't know how you felt about them.

00:48:56.340 You're asking me what I've been up to.

00:48:57.680 I've been visiting schools.

00:48:59.200 Now I have to, like, look at real schools because my, you know, my oldest daughter's, like, going to turn five.

00:49:04.980 So that's, like, kindergarten.

00:49:06.180 So, yes, she has to get, like, the real school system.

00:49:07.980 Mm-hmm.

00:49:08.400 And we were looking at this one place and they have plainclothes just, like, guards now with guns.

00:49:16.120 So it's kind of sick.

00:49:17.020 I was like, dude, I really want to retire and become plainclothes.

00:49:20.340 Just walk around a school.

00:49:22.420 Just grow like a ponytail and be a teacher.

00:49:24.460 That's all you do all day.

00:49:25.400 You carry a gun. 0.97

00:49:26.200 You just wait for, like, some nerd to pop off and you just blast them. 0.98

00:49:31.300 Dude, that would be honorable, man. 1.00

00:49:34.180 But what if you fucking, what if you start tripping in your head and thinking that somebody's, like, some kid is, like, plotting and shit? 0.99

00:49:40.800 Like, I'm, like, the true detective. 0.99

00:49:41.920 I'm Russ Cole of school security.

00:49:45.760 I'd have to wait until they pop.

00:49:47.020 They'd have to pull out first.

00:49:48.760 You think you would set a kid up?

00:49:50.520 Is that crazy?

00:49:51.280 No, no, no.

00:49:52.880 Can you say that?

00:49:54.060 No, I'm sad.

00:49:55.100 You're saying, like, get, like, all tripped out. 0.99

00:49:56.820 Like, damn, is this kid getting paranoid? 1.00

00:49:58.320 Like, I know these motherfuckers. 1.00

00:49:59.240 Like, oh, Damien's up to some shit. 1.00

00:50:00.080 I know he's packing. 1.00

00:50:01.300 No, I would just wait.

00:50:02.200 I would chill.

00:50:02.800 I'd do my thing. 1.00

00:50:03.420 And the moment one of those motherfuckers pulled out the steel, I would just be there. 1.00

00:50:09.200 Ready to die and just walk them down. 1.00

00:50:13.540 That's your job. 0.98

00:50:14.800 So Beast Games, that's the show.

00:50:16.700 Yeah.

00:50:17.000 So before this, we were showing them episode one of a show I have coming out December 19th.

00:50:21.560 Yeah, you said there's a lot of world records that were broken in the shooting of this series.

00:50:28.560 Yeah, 40 Guinness World Records.

00:50:29.920 Wow.

00:50:30.500 Yeah.

00:50:30.780 We have, like, so many plaques now that we have up on our wall.

00:50:33.980 I'm basically making a wall out of Guinness plaques just from the show.

00:50:37.940 What are some of the records you guys broke?

00:50:41.580 Most contestants ever in a show.

00:50:43.200 Largest cash prize in a show.

00:50:44.460 Most cameras recording at once in a show.

00:50:46.840 Most people ****, which you saw.

00:50:48.880 Yeah.

00:50:49.600 And a show, like, most money given away in the first episode of a show.

00:50:52.820 Just, like, stuff like that.

00:50:53.820 Yeah.

00:50:54.160 Oh, that's the most people **** probably since 9-11, I would think.

00:50:56.720 Oh, my gosh.

00:50:58.360 We might have to take that out.

00:51:00.580 Yeah, and I shouldn't have said that.

00:51:02.100 I'll say something else.

00:51:03.560 Yeah, I haven't seen that many people **** at the same time.

00:51:06.960 Wait, why was there a cut before you say what you're saying right now?

00:51:09.440 Huh?

00:51:09.720 Oh, there's just we needed something to just.

00:51:12.120 He had to use the bathroom.

00:51:13.540 Yeah.

00:51:13.800 Yeah.

00:51:14.680 Just had to use the.

00:51:15.720 Yeah, I'd already soiled the conversation.

00:51:18.640 Oh, that's the most people **** at once that I'd seen since.

00:51:22.500 Oh, since I was in the parking lot of a widespread panic concert, you know.

00:51:26.400 But that was LSD.

00:51:29.300 That kind of works a little.

00:51:30.660 Yeah.

00:51:30.880 I think that's.

00:51:32.220 Honestly, you should keep the first one.

00:51:33.720 Okay, well, here we go, dude.

00:51:35.360 But if I've done one thing well, it's what I call failure.

00:51:40.200 And that is I ran for sophomore, junior, and senior class presidents.

00:51:45.160 I lost three times.

00:51:46.600 And based on my track record, I decided to run for student body president where I went on to, wait for it, lose.

00:51:52.500 I've started nine businesses.

00:51:54.700 Seven have failed.

00:51:55.600 I can't tell you how many women in Whole Foods and other places and other retail establishments I've been rejected by. 1.00

00:52:02.060 But the reason I get to live the life I lead, the reason I'm with a very high character, attractive person, is because I have always been able to endure rejection. 0.90

00:52:12.080 And that is the key, that is the skill, because one of the great things about America is we don't embrace failure, that's bullshit, but we tolerate it.

00:52:19.740 If your business fails, but you're a good person, usually your investors will back you again.

00:52:24.180 And if you approach a woman and express interest and she's not interested, you're both going to be fine.

00:52:30.040 Yeah.

00:52:30.440 And show me a guy.

00:52:32.060 Show me a guy.

00:52:33.720 You know, we all know that guy.

00:52:34.900 You think, okay, he's a nice guy.

00:52:37.020 He's modestly successful.

00:52:38.700 He's not that attractive.

00:52:40.180 And he's with just such a high quality woman.

00:52:43.700 That guy is not afraid of rejection. 1.00

00:52:46.080 That guy cycled through nine women who said, get the fuck away from me. 1.00

00:52:49.840 Yeah. 0.99

00:52:50.400 Before he found that one woman who gave him a chance to be funny, kind.

00:52:55.540 She was drawn to a smell.

00:52:57.020 She liked the way he treated his parents.

00:52:58.860 The key to success in America is what Winston Churchill said, and that is the willingness

00:53:04.220 to fail or your ability to fail and not lose your sense of enthusiasm.

00:53:09.200 There was a study done in Australia.

00:53:11.380 Wow.

00:53:11.620 At least I used to work in palliative care as a doctor looking after dying people.

00:53:16.460 You know what the top regret of dying people was?

00:53:18.640 That they didn't have the courage to be themselves.

00:53:22.240 And the third top regret was that they didn't have the courage to express their emotions.

00:53:27.580 They pretended to be happy when they were not and so on.

00:53:31.600 So the question for the rest of us is, do we want to wait till some terminal illness

00:53:38.460 wakes us up?

00:53:39.500 Or should we just confront the fact that in so many ways we're afraid to be authentic

00:53:44.160 because we're so afraid of being rejected?

00:53:46.440 You've really taken over America.

00:53:48.220 Do you kind of become like a stitch in the American flag?

00:53:52.340 I feel like you're like this thing that everybody feels like they can believe in, you know?

00:53:57.320 There was a time last year and I just had a prayer where I was like, I want to be happy,

00:54:01.800 I want to travel, and I want to meet people.

00:54:04.120 And God answered me like crazy.

00:54:05.960 Really?

00:54:06.540 Yeah.

00:54:06.760 Wow.

00:54:08.020 And you really were praying that?

00:54:09.480 Yeah.

00:54:10.060 No, he humbled me for sure.

00:54:12.720 Wow, man.

00:54:14.680 That's powerful, huh?

00:54:15.700 Yeah, no.

00:54:16.440 Power and prayer. 0.99

00:54:18.000 You're going to pay me to go fucking relive my life. 0.99

00:54:20.420 Like you said, hey, Sean, you want to go hit the restart button? 1.00

00:54:22.580 Like, fuck you. 1.00

00:54:23.600 Really? 1.00

00:54:24.260 Fuck no. 1.00

00:54:25.180 The school system's like, oh, Sean, like, he's just a bad kid. 1.00

00:54:27.560 They don't realize I'm up till three o'clock in the morning.

00:54:29.900 Like, you know, late. 1.00

00:54:31.420 I mean, fuck, dude. 1.00

00:54:32.100 It's hard to stay up late and learn. 1.00

00:54:33.580 Dude, I remember like laying in bed.

00:54:35.180 Like, I remember when I stopped believing in God, man. 1.00

00:54:37.040 Like, fucking. 1.00

00:54:38.380 Like, I had fucking. 1.00

00:54:39.800 Yeah, it's crazy shit, dude. 1.00

00:54:42.260 Crazy shit, man. 1.00

00:54:43.760 Yeah. 1.00

00:54:45.020 It's okay, man.

00:54:45.920 It's a lot of that sad.

00:54:47.020 Dude, I used to be scared at night.

00:54:48.280 Like, I used to stand up.

00:54:50.820 Like, I heard when I was a kid that, like, if you peed around your.

00:54:54.980 Like, animals could pee somewhere that other animals wouldn't come.

00:54:57.440 You know what I'm talking about?

00:54:58.660 You know what I'm talking about?

00:54:59.920 Huh?

00:55:00.960 Yeah, my God.

00:55:01.740 Have you ever heard that?

00:55:05.560 Yeah, I'm sorry, bud.

00:55:08.260 So.

00:55:13.420 I'm sorry, buddy.

00:55:14.580 That's all good, dude.

00:55:24.760 We don't have to talk, man.

00:55:25.620 I can just sit here with you for a minute. 1.00

00:55:26.800 Oh, fuck. 1.00

00:55:31.140 I can just sit here. 1.00

00:55:37.920 We can just sit here.

00:55:38.540 No, it's all good, dude.

00:55:39.100 Six seconds.

00:55:39.780 Just process it.

00:55:40.600 I think some hard things that people don't understand, like trauma, you know?

00:56:01.240 Yeah.

00:56:01.560 Sometimes it just comes out.

00:56:10.240 Oh, no, dude.

00:56:11.020 Like, I remember, I have a hole in my gum.

00:56:21.600 Yeah, when I was a kid, I used to scratch my gum.

00:56:25.800 And I have a hole in my gum.

00:56:28.020 You know, I'm.

00:56:28.620 Just from being nervous and stuff?

00:56:29.740 No, just anxiety, you know?

00:56:32.300 Yeah.

00:56:32.740 Even to this day.

00:56:34.140 Yeah.

00:56:35.780 I mean, the day, dude, like, I'm a grown-ass man. 0.99

00:56:38.460 I don't give a fuck. 0.99

00:56:39.600 I mean, you could post this. 0.99

00:56:40.780 I don't care.

00:56:41.560 Oh, dude, I don't have any.

00:56:42.640 No, it's all good, dude.

00:56:43.560 I mean, it's what it is, dude.

00:56:45.080 Like, it is what it is.

00:56:45.900 Like, people understand. 0.99

00:56:46.940 Like, when I talk about, like, oh, I kill a man.

00:56:51.360 It's like, you don't understand.

00:56:52.300 You're like, when you go through that level of trauma, like, you just view the world differently.

00:56:56.280 Anything new in the dating world?

00:57:01.020 Uh, kinda.

00:57:03.500 Yeah, what you got, you little squirrel buddy?

00:57:05.540 What happened?

00:57:06.580 Well, back in March, I had a little incident with a girl.

00:57:13.280 You had an incident?

00:57:14.800 I met her at a bar.

00:57:16.580 Mm-hmm.

00:57:17.540 And then went home with her that night.

00:57:20.340 And now, Raleigh, at this point, you're still in your ejaculatory, promissory note with the Lord is still intact, right?

00:57:29.780 Correct.

00:57:30.680 Okay.

00:57:32.660 So, what happened?

00:57:33.740 Did you end up, I mean, like, how did it end, dude?

00:57:35.900 You know what I'm saying?

00:57:36.560 Like, did you end up, you know, creaming that little nugget, or what happened?

00:57:41.220 I did.

00:57:42.080 No!

00:57:42.440 Bro!

00:57:43.640 What?

00:57:45.680 Riley Mal!

00:57:47.660 God, baby.

00:57:49.020 Congratulations, dude.

00:57:50.100 I don't see a lot of that.

00:57:51.180 Come over here and shake my hand real quick.

00:57:54.340 I just want to shake the hand of a man that's come recently this year.

00:58:04.200 Congratulations, man.

00:58:05.280 Thank you.

00:58:05.860 Good to see you, brother.

00:58:06.840 Yes, sir.

00:58:07.380 All right, go back.

00:58:07.940 Well, sniffing that cocaine all over town, honey, don't let my deal go down. 1.00

00:58:28.580 Hey, hey, buddy, let the cocaine be. 0.91

00:58:30.700 It was meant for horses, not for men. 0.99

00:58:34.040 Doctor said he'd kill you, but he didn't know when. 0.97

00:58:36.100 Hey, hey, buddy, let the cocaine be. 0.99

00:58:39.440 Yeah, tell it to me, tell it to me.

00:58:41.560 Drink corn liquor, let the cocaine be.

00:58:43.680 Hey, hey, buddy, let the cocaine be. 0.91

00:58:47.040 Yeah, tell it to me, tell it to me.

00:58:49.280 Drink corn liquor, let the cocaine be.

00:58:51.300 Hey, hey, buddy, let the cocaine be. 0.91

00:58:53.420 I'm walking up the field

00:59:10.300 It's going down the main

00:59:11.180 Trying to find a nickel for to buy cocaine

00:59:13.180 Hey, hey, buddy, let the cocaine be 0.98

00:59:15.620 It'll burn out your nose

00:59:17.920 Your eyes turn red 1.00

00:59:18.720 The goddamn cocaine will kill you dead 1.00

00:59:20.580 Hey, hey, buddy, let the cocaine be 1.00

00:59:23.220 Yes, tell it to me, tell it to me

00:59:26.340 Drink corn liquor, let the cocaine be

00:59:28.240 Hey, hey, buddy, let the cocaine be 0.98

00:59:30.660 Yes, tell it to me, tell it to me

00:59:33.900 Drink corn liquor, let the cocaine be

00:59:35.780 Hey, hey, buddy, let the cocaine be 0.98

00:59:50.960 Come on! 0.61

00:59:51.920 Well, I don't know what I'm going to do

00:59:55.760 It's killed my friends, it's going to kill me too

00:59:57.800 Hey, hey, buddy, let the cocaine be 0.98

01:00:00.180 Some of you people, you think you're tough

01:00:03.240 Sniffing that cocaine just like snuff

01:00:05.300 Hey, hey, buddy, let the cocaine be 0.98

01:00:07.720 Well, tell it to me, tell it to me

01:00:10.880 Drink corn liquor, let the cocaine be

01:00:12.800 Hey, hey, buddy, let the cocaine be 0.98

01:00:15.120 Yeah, tell it to me, tell it to me

01:00:18.420 Drink corn liquor, let the cocaine be

01:00:20.400 Hey, hey, buddy, let the cocaine be 0.98

01:00:23.160 Wow!

01:00:31.600 Hell yeah, man.

01:00:50.400 You're welcome.

This Past Weekend with Theo Von - December 30, 2024

BEST OF： This Past Weekend w⧸ Theo Von 2024

Episode Stats

Summary

Transcript