This Past Weekend with Theo Von - Bill Burr

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00:00:30.780 I am, man, I'm nervous actually.

00:00:34.520 Today's guest is my favorite comedian, living.

00:00:39.140 My favorite living comedian.

00:00:41.020 And so I'm excited that he's here.

00:00:42.700 He has a new special on Netflix called Paper Tiger.

00:00:46.480 And he has a podcast called The Monday Morning Podcast.

00:00:52.440 And it also comes out sometimes on Thursdays.

00:00:55.360 He's one of a kind.

00:00:56.640 Ladies and gentlemen, Mr. Bill Burr.

00:01:00.420 Shine that light on me.

00:01:07.560 I'll sit and tell you my stories.

00:01:12.560 Shine that light on me.

00:01:18.140 I'll sit and tell you my stories.

00:01:20.780 Yeah, you'll see.

00:01:21.760 You get too fucking.

00:01:22.840 You gotta like, once you, you know, it's like no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

00:01:29.140 And then all of a sudden, no's become yes out here.

00:01:31.660 And then you just feel like, you know, the first time you get yeses, you go okay to everything.

00:01:37.240 And then all of a sudden, you just don't have any fucking time.

00:01:39.920 And then you gotta like dial it back and then try to find like quality.

00:01:43.600 But yeah, that's, I just had to, I just took some dates off of the books.

00:01:47.000 I was, I got a bunch of stress, man.

00:01:48.580 I was starting to lose my mind, I thought.

00:01:50.220 Oh yeah.

00:01:51.040 No, that's, it affects everybody differently.

00:01:53.620 So I just, uh, yeah, I just, there's a good thing too.

00:01:57.660 It's just lie and just say you're not available that week.

00:01:59.700 I'm not in town.

00:02:01.000 Oh, I already had them sold and I had to take them down.

00:02:03.440 Oh, that, gee, I wouldn't put that on the podcast.

00:02:05.320 Yeah, they know.

00:02:06.700 They all know.

00:02:07.600 Yeah.

00:02:07.860 I still wouldn't do that.

00:02:08.700 Oh.

00:02:09.340 Because you don't know, you don't need bookers looking at that.

00:02:11.220 This guy's always a fucking wild card.

00:02:12.880 Yeah, it was, uh, man, it was a bummer.

00:02:15.960 It was, some of it was a bummer, but some of it, we just moved the dates and I'll just

00:02:18.940 feel better when I get there.

00:02:19.940 But I was, I was just like experienced like a ton of stress, man, burnt out.

00:02:23.980 You know, I've been on the same tour for this hour for almost over a year now.

00:02:28.220 Um, dude, bands tour for like four years and then fucking go right back in the studio,

00:02:32.780 make another one and keep going.

00:02:33.980 You got to toughen up, man.

00:02:34.820 Yeah, you're right, huh?

00:02:35.800 You know?

00:02:36.160 What do I do?

00:02:36.620 Your camouflage hat looking like a fucking backwards guy, all tough and shit.

00:02:40.140 You can't handle doing your hour again.

00:02:42.460 I mean, come on, man.

00:02:44.140 Suck it up.

00:02:45.740 Fuck, man.

00:02:46.240 I think I need some blood transfusions or something.

00:02:49.100 I really do, bro.

00:02:50.140 I don't know what happened to me.

00:02:50.640 No, but it's not bad if it, there's the other side too where you're getting run down and

00:02:55.160 you don't listen to it and then you get sick.

00:02:57.720 So there's always that or work yourself to death, which I've seen a few people do in

00:03:01.640 this business, literally died.

00:03:03.300 Yeah.

00:03:03.540 So there's definitely, you know, well, you're in touch with your feelings.

00:03:07.100 That's, that's good.

00:03:08.400 Yeah, man.

00:03:08.940 I got too many of them.

00:03:09.840 I think if you beat me open, just a lot of feelings sometimes would come out.

00:03:12.840 Too many, you know?

00:03:14.200 I think I'm, yeah, somehow I got caught up in some of that feeling generation, you know?

00:03:18.180 Oh.

00:03:19.040 Just too many feelings.

00:03:20.440 What year were you born?

00:03:21.720 Ninety, uh, 80.

00:03:23.980 80?

00:03:24.800 1980.

00:03:25.200 1980, so, oh yeah, you're the first millennial.

00:03:30.560 The first year of millennials was like 1980 or something like that.

00:03:33.740 I could see that.

00:03:35.040 Yeah.

00:03:35.480 I thought they were all like, you had to be born like 2000 or later, but it meant like

00:03:39.360 you were buying shit, I think.

00:03:41.860 That's all they care about.

00:03:43.680 You know, when, when, when do you finally have money that you can buy shit?

00:03:48.540 And it's usually around 18, I think.

00:03:50.500 So you would have been in 98.

00:03:51.780 Maybe it's 82.

00:03:52.680 I don't fucking know.

00:03:53.460 I think it's late.

00:03:54.140 Yeah, 80, I think was still a little bit of like, there was still more like some, you

00:03:58.740 know, heavy car doors.

00:04:00.040 I remember a lot of that, you know, the car doors that would squeak and real heavy.

00:04:04.120 You had to get your brother to help you close it.

00:04:05.920 You know, I remember more station wagons, big, violent fucking station wagons.

00:04:11.360 Oh, wagons are awesome.

00:04:12.260 I love, I love a station wagon.

00:04:14.040 I remember the motor opening the car and just seeing two pieces under there.

00:04:17.700 You know, that thing with the, um, where you put the air filter in and mom would open

00:04:21.280 that and go like this and then close it back up.

00:04:23.320 Yeah, air filter.

00:04:24.240 Yeah.

00:04:25.080 Air filter housing, I guess you'd call it.

00:04:26.760 Yeah, that was it.

00:04:27.420 Underneath it as your carburetor.

00:04:28.740 Mom would open that up and close it and then just fucking curse my dad.

00:04:32.360 That was it.

00:04:33.220 Every time.

00:04:34.660 Oh, I think she was probably fucking with the carburetor.

00:04:37.360 Yeah, I think she was trying to.

00:04:38.760 Mom got an old cop car for a while and that was pretty cool.

00:04:41.620 And we would drive around at night and pretend to be cops and shit.

00:04:44.020 It would be like a fun thing we would do when we were kids.

00:04:46.220 And it had one of those lights on the side.

00:04:47.880 You know, it had like the little hand light out of the window.

00:04:50.200 Oh, yeah.

00:04:50.820 Yeah.

00:04:51.340 See, you're supposed to take some of that shit.

00:04:53.300 I know you're not.

00:04:53.960 A diplomat.

00:04:54.320 I was a diplomat.

00:04:54.980 You got to take the badges off of some of the shit.

00:04:59.960 I know you can't have like police on the side.

00:05:02.100 And then I also don't think you can have the blue lights.

00:05:04.800 And in my state, I think you couldn't have those big search lights either.

00:05:08.920 Because they were afraid you were going to turn them on and blind other people as they

00:05:11.640 were driving down the street.

00:05:12.340 They just knew that people would just be assholes.

00:05:14.620 Yeah.

00:05:15.100 If they did.

00:05:15.580 I had a buddy of mine bought an old Massachusetts State Trooper bike.

00:05:19.420 And it still had the blue lights on it.

00:05:21.880 It was funny.

00:05:22.400 He just thought it was the lenses, so he changed out the lenses.

00:05:25.040 And he didn't realize that the bulbs were also blue, so he had to take it apart.

00:05:27.660 I think he actually left them on.

00:05:28.960 For a motorcycle?

00:05:30.020 Yeah.

00:05:31.860 Yeah.

00:05:32.420 I never had a motorcycle, man.

00:05:34.480 What did we have?

00:05:35.020 We had some four-wheelers.

00:05:36.080 We had things that we just kind of people put together.

00:05:38.720 We had a guy.

00:05:39.960 When I lived in Tucson, they had a guy who had a school bus.

00:05:41.900 He cut the top off of it and would drive it around.

00:05:44.640 A full like convertible.

00:05:47.280 Was it the full-size one?

00:05:48.660 Oh, yeah.

00:05:49.200 Now, did it have an option, especially in Arizona, where you could maybe, you know,

00:05:55.100 you ever see the Jeeps?

00:05:55.920 They have like those tarp things you can put on the top so the doors are off and all that

00:05:59.300 so you get the wind in your face, but you don't roast?

00:06:01.260 I would think you'd want that in Arizona.

00:06:03.240 Sometimes he would put like a tarp over it at night and stuff, I think during like maybe,

00:06:07.140 I guess the spring or something.

00:06:08.760 But I think otherwise, it was just one option, open, you know?

00:06:13.220 So just cruising.

00:06:13.860 At any point, can I promote that I have a special out here?

00:06:16.080 Yeah, let's do it.

00:06:17.660 I don't know where we're going with this.

00:06:19.000 Oh, it's all right.

00:06:19.680 I have a special out on that's streaming now on Netflix called Paper Tiger.

00:06:24.180 Paper Tiger.

00:06:24.700 That's right.

00:06:25.020 Dude, it was beautiful.

00:06:26.200 Was it awesome to shoot at the, what's the name of the place I just found out?

00:06:29.540 Royal Albert Hall.

00:06:30.460 Royal Albert Hall.

00:06:30.980 No, it was amazing.

00:06:31.920 God.

00:06:32.220 Yeah.

00:06:32.500 Because if, you know, even if I didn't know, you know, some of the people that had played

00:06:36.520 there, the second you walked in there, you would know that some heavy hitters had been

00:06:40.340 there.

00:06:40.600 So it was pretty intimidating the first time I, I did one show a year, like about nine

00:06:47.120 months before I did that one.

00:06:48.280 That was like, yeah, let's shoot one here.

00:06:50.100 And then I, the first show that I did there, I was really in my head a lot where I was just

00:06:54.720 like.

00:06:55.640 So you went to kind of not, not run the hour, but you went to just get a feel for the venue

00:06:59.100 first kind of?

00:06:59.680 I just wanted to do it.

00:07:00.640 Oh, you were just doing it.

00:07:01.220 And then when I did it, then the idea came about maybe do a special here.

00:07:04.880 And then I talked to Mike Binder about it.

00:07:06.980 Yeah.

00:07:07.180 I know Binder.

00:07:07.700 Yeah.

00:07:07.800 Yeah.

00:07:08.120 And he, you know, we smoke cigars.

00:07:10.940 So he's just like, he kind of did it, I think, because he wanted to smoke a cigar with me in

00:07:14.320 London, which is as funny as that is.

00:07:16.220 And that's how we ended up going over there.

00:07:18.160 But I've since watched all these videos that I, I'm kind of glad I didn't know all these

00:07:22.540 extra, I just knew Zeppelin was there.

00:07:24.140 That was my big thing that people had, the Beatles played there.

00:07:26.400 I even saw, I think George Michael, they were doing a thing for.

00:07:29.480 Oh, wow.

00:07:30.240 AIDS or something?

00:07:30.820 No, for Linda McCartney.

00:07:33.540 Yeah.

00:07:34.000 She lost her arm, right?

00:07:35.420 No, she died.

00:07:36.760 Yeah.

00:07:37.280 Sorry.

00:07:37.620 Damn.

00:07:38.100 Yeah.

00:07:38.640 She died.

00:07:39.340 She lost it all.

00:07:40.740 She lost it all.

00:07:41.380 Yeah.

00:07:41.700 So they were doing a thing and then he came out and sang like a Beatles song and then sang

00:07:45.200 one of his songs and just like fucking crushed it.

00:07:47.280 And I was just like, I'm glad I didn't watch that before.

00:07:51.680 Because I mean, that guy's voice.

00:07:52.360 That might have made you nervous.

00:07:53.160 Yeah.

00:07:53.320 It looked amazing.

00:07:54.320 Well, yeah, because then it makes you feel like, all right, okay, he's doing that and

00:07:57.460 Zeppelin's doing that.

00:07:58.420 And then I'm going to come in here with a bunch of dick and shit jokes.

00:08:00.840 Yeah.

00:08:01.380 And I took a tour of the place years and years and years ago when I saw like the London Philharmonic

00:08:06.320 was there.

00:08:06.980 Oh, yeah.

00:08:07.820 So I'm playing all classical music.

00:08:09.320 So yeah, I definitely felt crass being there the first time.

00:08:12.820 But then the second time, the pressure of the special, I got to have a good set.

00:08:16.060 You can kind of fuck all that history.

00:08:18.020 Let me just go out and make sure I have a good time here.

00:08:19.760 So fortunately it worked out.

00:08:20.960 And I think Binder, the way you shot it, put it over the top.

00:08:23.520 Yeah.

00:08:23.980 Yeah.

00:08:24.260 Some of the shots from the rear and stuff where you can just see, it looks like you're performing

00:08:27.080 to like almost just an infinite amount of people at some point.

00:08:30.540 Yeah.

00:08:31.000 It's not as big as you would think, but it's very, it's big, but it's like really intimate.

00:08:35.340 It's like the sound is perfect.

00:08:36.820 It's, uh, yeah, man, it's, it's something else.

00:08:40.980 I'll, I'll, I'll say that.

00:08:42.240 Susan Boyle has been there.

00:08:44.020 Remember her?

00:08:44.660 Who else?

00:08:45.100 No, I bet they've had, it seemed like, has that place been around for a couple of hundred

00:08:48.160 years?

00:08:49.880 Uh, since the mid 1800s.

00:08:52.620 Oh, Jesus.

00:08:53.280 Yeah.

00:08:53.500 Some guy, uh, it was probably Prince Albert.

00:08:56.840 No, Prince Albert.

00:08:58.040 Dude, I love how you just fucking reaching for shit here.

00:09:00.500 It's a couple thousand years.

00:09:01.600 It's been around Napoleon.

00:09:03.020 That's an old guy.

00:09:04.660 Well, Prince Albert.

00:09:06.820 I believe Prince Albert, Winston Churchill.

00:09:09.500 I'm sure he did something there.

00:09:11.180 He probably smoked a stick there and talked about, talked shit about the Germans.

00:09:15.760 Um, yeah, no, a lot of people, a lot of people played there.

00:09:18.420 So, uh, historic.

00:09:19.880 That's what it looked like.

00:09:20.860 Yes.

00:09:21.820 Yes.

00:09:22.180 So I had to make sure when we shot it that we just didn't do the, you know, the wham,

00:09:25.780 bam way that they shoot so many specials, which I have avoided my whole career.

00:09:30.060 Cause I've always tried to work with people that really, you know, wanted to, uh, make something

00:09:36.020 great.

00:09:36.560 Right.

00:09:36.980 Not just, you know, do the typical shots.

00:09:39.600 I worked with Jake Harris on my previous three.

00:09:42.300 You told me about him.

00:09:43.020 He's great.

00:09:43.460 Yeah.

00:09:44.100 Yeah.

00:09:44.360 And he's like a Pryor fan and that, that shot that he does, that single shot that you

00:09:48.200 see that he does in the, uh, my previous three specials from the crowd is a nod to Richard

00:09:54.440 Pryor, uh, live on the sunset strip.

00:09:57.200 It's literally a shot just for directors and if any sort of like prior, um, fanatics would

00:10:03.940 know, would catch it.

00:10:05.040 Yeah.

00:10:05.320 So I've always done that because I haven't liked how specials were shot for a long, long

00:10:11.340 time, almost my whole career.

00:10:12.880 Like they would just, you know, and I thought they look similar.

00:10:16.840 They look bad.

00:10:17.740 They look, uh, there's nothing that captures the, who the comic is at all.

00:10:22.340 A lot of times the audio on the audience is so bad.

00:10:25.960 It's like, why even have it?

00:10:28.380 Oh, the worst is when they put a whole bunch of them, when they would be doing a whole bunch

00:10:32.020 of them.

00:10:32.560 Yeah.

00:10:32.900 And a group.

00:10:33.520 And they just would crank out 10 of them and then they would be taking crowd shots from

00:10:38.180 somebody else's set.

00:10:39.520 It was just so gross.

00:10:40.960 The whole thing was gross and just not, it was just all for cat, for money.

00:10:44.640 The whole thing was just, Oh, these are cheap to do.

00:10:46.500 Yeah.

00:10:46.660 Get the comedian out there.

00:10:47.500 He's already written the, you don't have to pay any writers.

00:10:49.240 He's already written it.

00:10:50.280 He's the performer.

00:10:51.740 Bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam.

00:10:52.900 You know, and then we'll take advantage of you.

00:10:54.520 Well, I mean, I, I would, it's, they apply a, a very efficient model to it.

00:11:03.900 That's how, that's how they look at it.

00:11:05.520 Like, they're not, yeah.

00:11:06.240 They're not thinking of it how we think of it.

00:11:07.760 No.

00:11:08.120 And you don't think, I didn't think of it at the first special I did.

00:11:10.300 I was, I didn't know.

00:11:12.040 I didn't know.

00:11:12.520 Now it's like, okay, I know I want directors that I know care about me that want to make

00:11:15.760 something great.

00:11:16.420 And I want to have more control over it.

00:11:20.240 And I know I can put an audience in myself.

00:11:22.680 I'm not, I don't have to spend half the budget paying some lady to get, you know, to guarantee

00:11:26.800 a seating.

00:11:27.640 I got burned a couple of times on that.

00:11:29.500 I got burned a couple of times on that.

00:11:30.760 Like they somehow figure out what your budget is.

00:11:32.900 Yeah.

00:11:33.260 You could have $8 or $80 million and their budget's going to come in like two cents below.

00:11:38.340 We can shoot this special for $7.99.

00:11:40.820 And then they find out you have it, you know, not like you get 8 million, but say you had

00:11:44.140 8 million.

00:11:44.620 You'd be like, yeah, we did what he wants.

00:11:47.280 It's going to be 7.9999 fucking million dollars.

00:11:51.460 And it's just like.

00:11:52.860 Yeah.

00:11:53.220 They put all these gypses in the crowd.

00:11:54.840 It's weird.

00:11:55.220 It's gross.

00:11:55.920 The way that it was, stand up is such a weird thing where it's totally respected and completely

00:12:01.660 disrespected.

00:12:02.740 It has this thing that where it's just like when you meet people who aren't comedians, so many

00:12:06.840 people say, oh my God, I can't believe you got the balls to do that.

00:12:08.900 I would never do that.

00:12:09.580 But whenever they show a comedian, it's always the worst.

00:12:13.260 Like, hey, this guy knows what I'm talking about.

00:12:15.320 Like a lampshade on their head and we're just this loud, obnoxious on off stage.

00:12:19.960 Just, oh my God, get this guy the fuck away from me is kind of how they do it, which I

00:12:23.920 know because you're also playing for laughs.

00:12:26.220 But I don't know.

00:12:28.580 I don't know.

00:12:28.960 So I just, you know, I've always tried to work with people that love it and want to try

00:12:33.560 and make something great.

00:12:34.560 Because, you know, if you get somebody that knows what they're doing, they can actually

00:12:37.920 help the performance.

00:12:39.660 Or it can go the other way.

00:12:41.080 They can take something great and make it not so good.

00:12:43.980 That's why I think acting is so difficult because you're just so at the mercy of so many

00:12:49.900 things.

00:12:50.540 Right.

00:12:50.860 Like you're not going to edit it.

00:12:52.020 You can't do the pacing.

00:12:53.240 What kind of music?

00:12:54.340 When are they going to cut out of this?

00:12:55.440 Oh, yeah.

00:12:55.660 Especially like a comedy and shit.

00:12:57.360 It's just like...

00:12:58.280 It's real scary, I feel like.

00:12:59.520 That's one of the reasons why I think acting is real scary to me because I really kind of,

00:13:02.480 I guess I kind of treasure the things that I do do comedically.

00:13:05.620 And so I just don't want to leave him at the whims of some other, you know, some guy

00:13:10.760 who's been up for four days.

00:13:11.920 Did you just say you treasure what you do?

00:13:14.380 Like literally your act?

00:13:15.800 You're worried that some big Hollywood director?

00:13:18.400 You can't take your comedic skills and say what the fuck somebody else wrote?

00:13:22.580 You treasure your act so much.

00:13:24.360 Is that what you're trying to tell me?

00:13:25.720 The way that I present it, man.

00:13:27.140 The way that I present it.

00:13:28.300 If I give somebody something, if I do something funny, it's like, yeah, I'm going to leave

00:13:32.020 it up to some fucktard that I feel like doesn't know how to best.

00:13:35.720 This dude is going to be such a nightmare when he makes it.

00:13:39.200 I love it.

00:13:39.980 I treasure these jokes.

00:13:41.880 How dare you this...

00:13:43.680 What do they call it?

00:13:44.580 This is vulgar.

00:13:45.860 This edit is vulgar.

00:13:47.900 That is how it'd be too.

00:13:49.200 Yeah.

00:13:50.320 But I think I have like a thing.

00:13:51.880 Yeah, it's like I don't...

00:13:53.140 Like I have a tough time working...

00:13:55.380 I just think I have a tough time working with other people sometimes, you know, which is

00:13:58.580 one of the reasons why I got into comedy anyway.

00:14:00.940 You know, I just think...

00:14:01.500 Well, I would say get over that.

00:14:03.320 Yeah.

00:14:03.880 Get over yourself and get over that because there's a lot of great people in this business

00:14:07.580 and you're going to miss out.

00:14:09.620 And I don't know.

00:14:12.620 No, I totally respect that.

00:14:14.000 You know what?

00:14:14.040 Your loved ones will save money on the funeral costs because no one's going to go.

00:14:17.360 So there's not going to be too many fucking snacks they got to put together.

00:14:19.800 Yeah, I guess...

00:14:25.060 Yeah, I don't know.

00:14:25.520 I have such a tough time, I think, working with other people, man.

00:14:28.880 Which is one of the reasons why I just do stand-up, you know?

00:14:31.300 It's like that's the thing that I focus on mostly and podcasting because you get to do

00:14:35.280 it yourself, you know?

00:14:37.060 Yeah, I would...

00:14:38.260 Is that me?

00:14:38.800 Sorry.

00:14:39.060 I would try to get over whatever social thing that that is.

00:14:41.920 Yeah.

00:14:42.640 Yeah.

00:14:45.380 Dude, if you're just by yourself all the time, you're slowly going to go crazy.

00:14:47.940 Oh, you start to go crazy.

00:14:48.740 Yeah.

00:14:49.260 Well, everybody's got a little bit of, you know, they got a little bit of overgrowth

00:14:54.220 on that root or on that wallet, you know?

00:14:57.740 And so sometimes you got to tidy up the hair in your nether region.

00:15:03.380 And that's why they have something called Manscaped.

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00:16:29.500 We had a question that came in about a special, didn't we, Nick?

00:16:32.700 About the special, no.

00:16:34.320 Actually, we did not.

00:16:35.520 But you want to go to a video question?

00:16:38.140 Yeah, let's do it.

00:16:39.400 Yeah, let's do it.

00:16:41.260 Gang, gang.

00:16:42.500 What's up, Theo?

00:16:43.360 What's up, player?

00:16:44.200 I got a question for Mr. Burr.

00:16:46.260 Is this live?

00:16:47.140 I know he recently said in another interview that he's close to a year sober.

00:16:50.600 I was wondering if you had any tips for recovering addicts.

00:16:56.500 This question is coming all the way from Newfoundland, Canada.

00:16:59.980 I'm recently 38 days clean.

00:17:02.740 Dang, hitter.

00:17:03.600 Just out of the facility.

00:17:06.660 Hook a brother up.

00:17:07.380 Let me know.

00:17:08.020 Hook a brother up.

00:17:08.940 Bill, your boy right there.

00:17:11.280 Well, I'm not an addict.

00:17:13.000 Right.

00:17:13.380 I'm an idiot.

00:17:14.200 Right.

00:17:15.300 So I've discovered with myself that if it's in the house, I'm going to consume it.

00:17:20.600 Right.

00:17:21.240 I've said this in a number of places.

00:17:22.620 And that means sugar or liquor, whatever?

00:17:24.180 Yeah.

00:17:24.520 If there's a package of cookies, I'm going to eat it.

00:17:27.300 And I'm not just going to take two and do that moderate.

00:17:30.780 I'm going to eat the whole fucking sleeve.

00:17:32.600 I'll do that with vanilla creams.

00:17:34.060 Yeah.

00:17:34.900 Yeah.

00:17:35.340 M&M's, ice cream, or booze, cigars.

00:17:38.520 So if I don't have that shit in the house, I'm fine.

00:17:42.680 Because the cravings usually come at night.

00:17:45.980 And then at night, you're just like, I ain't getting in the fucking car to go down and get

00:17:49.180 whatever the hell I want.

00:17:50.400 So that's how it works for me.

00:17:52.120 So this guy, I mean, this guy just went to a facility, 38.

00:17:55.260 I mean, that guy's like, you know, it's like, I'm playing touch football.

00:17:58.180 This guy's in the pros.

00:17:59.560 So I'm not going to try to give him advice.

00:18:01.640 I am happy that that's what he's doing.

00:18:03.380 But do you feel different after a year or something?

00:18:05.380 Like, do you notice anything different of not drinking for a year or like?

00:18:08.940 Yeah.

00:18:09.300 My cigar smoking went off the fucking rails.

00:18:11.480 Yeah.

00:18:11.740 Because then it just becomes like, there's a thing that I'm trying to work past right

00:18:18.340 now that I've noticed that through all of the shit that I've done through just food,

00:18:25.060 booze, and, you know, cigars is every couple of days, you know, or maybe even like once

00:18:33.240 a day, even just like through food.

00:18:34.620 Like I want some sort of ramping up, some sort of buzz.

00:18:38.840 You want an escalation?

00:18:39.720 Yeah.

00:18:39.880 You want that again.

00:18:40.520 And you can do that through just going to McDonald's, people who are like obese and shit like

00:18:45.620 that.

00:18:45.880 That's their fucking thing.

00:18:47.180 Yeah.

00:18:47.640 You can do it through anything.

00:18:48.680 I mean, dude, I'll be honest with you.

00:18:50.300 This is me relating to fat people.

00:18:51.780 There's nothing better than giving into McDonald's.

00:18:54.340 Oh my God.

00:18:54.900 It's the worst afterwards, but when you're in the fucking drive through and you're pulling

00:18:59.160 up, like I am getting every fucking thing that I want here and it's still going to be

00:19:02.900 under 10 bucks and it's just going to greasy slide.

00:19:06.680 I mean, when they give you that fucking book and you get the fresh French fries, not the

00:19:10.480 ones that were laying there.

00:19:11.760 I mean, it's just like.

00:19:13.860 And the Latinos make the best fries too.

00:19:15.520 If you notice whoever's in the window, whenever you're driving by, dude, if it's a Latino in

00:19:19.560 there, fries are better 85% of the time.

00:19:21.700 Really?

00:19:22.120 And that's something I noticed, but I will say this.

00:19:24.200 Sometimes I talk to the person in the window to make myself feel a little bit better about

00:19:27.720 the purchase.

00:19:28.260 Do you ever do that?

00:19:29.240 Like to kind of take the edge off of the fact that I know I have all shame.

00:19:32.720 And the worst part is when I'm driving home is the grease and salt mixture on my steering

00:19:36.840 wheel.

00:19:37.200 Oh yeah.

00:19:37.720 From the fries.

00:19:38.800 It's like, oh God.

00:19:40.680 Yeah.

00:19:40.820 The next day you wake up with the distended belly.

00:19:43.260 No, it kind of doesn't at first.

00:19:44.900 And you think you got away with it.

00:19:46.760 And then somewhere in the afternoon, it just creeps in.

00:19:49.180 Oh, I don't have that yet.

00:19:50.220 Yeah.

00:19:50.620 Oh yeah.

00:19:51.520 Oh, you don't.

00:19:52.080 Well, that's good.

00:19:52.700 That's good.

00:19:53.340 I've had it.

00:19:54.260 That's something to look forward to.

00:19:55.640 But no, I think there's, yeah, there's definitely something where there's like a thing at, like

00:19:58.280 there's a certain thing in the evening that happens to me where it's like, I need to do

00:20:01.400 something.

00:20:02.160 It could be booze.

00:20:04.000 It could be cigarettes.

00:20:04.980 Like when I quit drinking, I had cigarettes.

00:20:06.620 I started smoking cigarettes, but it's always something pornography, uh, dove chocolates,

00:20:11.340 dark chocolates.

00:20:12.920 Uh, yeah.

00:20:13.640 You got to find like, you know, what fascinates me is like basically the first 16 or 17 years

00:20:18.300 of my life when I never, I mean, I took a couple of sips of my, you know, stole a beer

00:20:22.380 here from there from my dad, but I never really went out and tried to get drunk until I was

00:20:25.460 like 16 or 17.

00:20:26.740 But I went for like a decade and a half.

00:20:29.500 Like I was straight edge.

00:20:31.400 You know what I mean?

00:20:32.140 And I, and, but the thing was, Oh, you told kids you were straight edge.

00:20:34.640 You're like, I don't drink, man.

00:20:35.640 No, no.

00:20:36.400 Just thought of being a kid.

00:20:37.700 It's not like your first 10 years of your life.

00:20:39.960 You're like, fuck playground, man.

00:20:41.240 I need a drink.

00:20:41.980 And maybe that's just not where your world is at.

00:20:44.660 And the thing was, it's Pandora's box.

00:20:46.960 Then once you catch a buzz, then it's just like, Oh man, this is this other kind of living.

00:20:52.480 And it's, it's, you know, I, I, yeah, I didn't understand that.

00:20:55.360 I was kind of using that as like a, uh, I'm not saying I'm never going to fucking drink

00:20:59.320 again, but I, I, I had, I had to like, I kind of just had to like step back and just

00:21:04.800 be like, all right.

00:21:05.480 Cause you know, the reality is I got a kid.

00:21:07.260 So I just didn't want to be that.

00:21:08.360 I'm like, you don't want to be drunk when your kid's around.

00:21:11.060 I'm like fucking Lou Grant with a bottle of whiskey in the, remember that?

00:21:13.940 A Mary Tyler Moore show.

00:21:15.220 She'd have a rough day and she'd come in.

00:21:17.120 I don't remember the whole show.

00:21:18.120 I can explain it to you.

00:21:19.220 Yeah.

00:21:19.880 If I can explain it to you.

00:21:21.400 This fucking guy just baited.

00:21:22.540 I don't know what that is.

00:21:23.420 All right.

00:21:24.060 No, I believe it.

00:21:25.180 I don't know.

00:21:25.680 I don't know.

00:21:26.120 And the second I started to explain, like, I don't know the whole show.

00:21:28.280 All right.

00:21:28.640 I get it.

00:21:29.120 I get it.

00:21:29.640 That's that comic ADD.

00:21:31.180 Like, I don't want to fucking, I'm not into it.

00:21:32.960 I don't want to hear it.

00:21:33.380 I got it.

00:21:34.080 Your show.

00:21:34.720 Go ahead.

00:21:35.080 Continue.

00:21:35.580 I remember.

00:21:36.620 All right.

00:21:36.900 Let's talk about old shows then.

00:21:38.500 We don't have to.

00:21:39.380 I just was, it was a funny how you fucking, you bailed twice on that.

00:21:43.380 You made me feel like an asshole.

00:21:45.540 Like that was the 15th time I fucking brought it up.

00:21:48.940 Sorry.

00:21:49.400 No Mary Tyler Moore.

00:21:51.160 One of the great ensemble fucking cast of all time.

00:21:53.960 I do know she just died recently.

00:21:56.960 Yeah.

00:21:57.280 I mean, I was going to bring up a more positive story about the show, but yeah, it's the second

00:22:01.620 time.

00:22:02.680 I bring up fucking George Michael.

00:22:04.440 Was it an AIDS event?

00:22:06.560 Some sort of gay thing?

00:22:08.580 Well, I didn't say gay, bro.

00:22:10.000 But why did you say AIDS?

00:22:11.400 Because he had AIDS, man.

00:22:12.760 No, he didn't.

00:22:13.840 Did he?

00:22:15.380 Jesus Christ, dude.

00:22:16.120 No, he didn't.

00:22:16.720 Well, people have been saying he did.

00:22:19.240 I think you are confusing it with gay.

00:22:22.160 No, I'm not.

00:22:22.860 I didn't know he was gay.

00:22:23.700 I knew that apparently he got AIDS in a park.

00:22:25.260 That's what I heard.

00:22:26.540 No, he blew a guy in a porta potty and got busted for lewd activity.

00:22:31.080 Oh.

00:22:31.740 And then, you know, he, you know, had a little fucking, you know, he liked getting a little

00:22:35.040 buzz at the end of the fucking day and maybe it got away from him.

00:22:37.560 I think that's what happened.

00:22:38.280 But like what I would like to focus on was how amazing his voice was and how talented

00:22:42.800 he was.

00:22:43.260 And I played in this, performed and stood in the same spot that this guy did.

00:22:46.560 Yeah.

00:22:46.780 That's what the point was.

00:22:47.780 Not what he died of.

00:22:48.920 Yeah.

00:22:49.360 Oh, wait a minute.

00:22:50.500 And I wish it was me.

00:22:51.200 What happened in your life?

00:22:53.160 Who'd you lose early on?

00:22:54.720 You're really into death.

00:22:56.280 Well, no.

00:22:56.880 I mean, I remember listening.

00:22:57.960 You don't want to get to know Mary Tyler Moore because you're afraid she's going to leave

00:23:01.060 you too.

00:23:01.400 I remember listening to George Michael on the school bus when I would go to school and

00:23:09.200 I felt like, and I would always sit by myself.

00:23:11.080 Did you feel like you were going to catch AIDS?

00:23:12.500 No.

00:23:12.660 By doing that?

00:23:13.280 Some sort of airborne HIV through the fucking radio?

00:23:17.100 I mean, bro, I was holding it up to my ear, you know?

00:23:20.980 I couldn't feel my ass.

00:23:22.120 In a roofless school bus.

00:23:23.700 One of the wind-borne radio AIDS was going to get me.

00:23:28.820 Oh, man.

00:23:29.380 Do you think it's interesting that they can, like, they can stop it, but they can't cure

00:23:35.820 it in all those comics that have done bits about how basically the money is in the treatment,

00:23:41.660 not in the cure?

00:23:42.500 Yeah.

00:23:42.860 And they kind of learned that with polio?

00:23:44.360 Because it seems like they cured it, but they're not going to 100% cure it because they

00:23:48.000 want you to keep coming back.

00:23:49.360 For the drugs.

00:23:49.820 And get people on, yeah.

00:23:51.300 Which, you know, probably fuck with your liver.

00:23:54.180 Well, it seemed like that with everything.

00:23:55.480 I mean, it's like how some things are continued to be allowed to, like.

00:23:59.380 You know, like, even with automobiles, like, they can, sure, they have something that would

00:24:04.640 be, you know, for years where it would just be so much less gas, but they just give you,

00:24:09.400 like, one little piece every five years.

00:24:11.240 It's the worst.

00:24:11.760 It's so fucking stupid.

00:24:12.920 It's so short-sighted.

00:24:13.940 All of that shit that is happening is the number one fucking thing.

00:24:18.760 The number one thing.

00:24:19.680 As we're sitting there focusing on, like, these stupid, like, minutiae words, pronouns,

00:24:25.420 bathrooms.

00:24:26.200 Yeah.

00:24:26.520 It's like, guys, none of this is going to fucking exist.

00:24:29.160 This is going to be, like, a Mad Max movie if, you know, you know, and just watching these

00:24:34.620 politicians, their hands are fucking bound.

00:24:36.960 They get paid such little money.

00:24:40.020 It's a shit job.

00:24:40.820 They're so, it is, and they're bought and paid for.

00:24:44.760 It's gross.

00:24:45.200 I think these should have, like, I'm trying to have, like, empathy for politicians as

00:24:49.440 opposed to just all the screaming and yelling and then just, oh, you know, anybody with the

00:24:52.940 red ties, the one who, or the blue tie people, they fucked it all up, you know?

00:24:57.680 You know, you gotta, I think there has to be something, like, I guess, individual citizens.

00:25:03.500 I think the best way if you want to try to get something going is try to start something

00:25:09.420 with your friends because if you try to go through all of that shit in D.C., like, they

00:25:14.640 always said if you become president, if you're lucky, you get one thing that you wanted to

00:25:19.100 get done.

00:25:19.640 If you're lucky, you just get, like, that one thing.

00:25:21.800 So, I don't know.

00:25:23.780 It's too depressing to watch.

00:25:25.100 I don't understand news junkies.

00:25:26.980 Like, why you would fucking do that to yourself and the fucking stories that they show.

00:25:32.540 Oh, my God.

00:25:33.320 It's just like, I don't want to fucking see this.

00:25:35.480 It's all sad stuff.

00:25:36.560 Here's sad stuff that you can't do anything about and now you know it.

00:25:40.420 Yeah.

00:25:40.960 Enjoy yourself.

00:25:41.720 Try not to drink tonight.

00:25:45.020 Or go to McDonald's.

00:25:46.240 Don't go to McDonald's.

00:25:47.360 Yeah.

00:25:47.700 But do you feel like there was a time, though, when, what makes me wonder is, was there a

00:25:51.260 time when the news was ever credible, do you feel like?

00:25:53.780 It was more credible when, they used to have, what was it, like, rules of sevens back in

00:25:58.940 the day where, like, no one person could own, like, a combination of seven newspapers, radio

00:26:06.100 stations, and TV in, like, the same market.

00:26:09.420 Because the worry was, like, well, they're all working for the same guy.

00:26:13.240 Then what he thinks is true.

00:26:15.480 Is going to be what people think.

00:26:16.720 Is what they're going to think.

00:26:17.740 And then they just kept deregulating and deregulating and deregulating until now it's just infinite.

00:26:25.020 So now you just have, like, two towers of their version of what's going on here, which

00:26:31.140 is Fox News and CNN.

00:26:32.820 And both of them are ridiculously biased.

00:26:36.660 Yeah.

00:26:36.940 Oh, it's ridiculously.

00:26:38.560 It's not even anything anymore.

00:26:39.600 Yeah, well, back in the day, like, the way they did it was the news guy, you weren't

00:26:46.120 supposed, like, like a sports announcer.

00:26:48.080 You're not supposed to hear him.

00:26:49.140 You can't, you're not supposed to know who he's for.

00:26:52.120 Yeah.

00:26:52.420 Of course, every sports fan thinks they can tell, especially when their team is losing.

00:26:55.400 This guy fucking hates us.

00:26:57.240 So they would just deliver the news as it was and, like.

00:27:02.220 Yeah, the facts, it seemed like.

00:27:03.400 Yeah, and there was a lot more of journalists breaking shit and bringing down, like, people

00:27:10.540 who are really doing some bad shit, where now that's kind of all gone away, where everybody's

00:27:15.840 sucking the corporate cock.

00:27:17.240 So I think that that's why now they're going after, like, comedians and shit.

00:27:21.100 And I've always joked that if we bought ad time on Fox News and CNN, all of this shit

00:27:26.160 would go away.

00:27:26.660 They would leave us alone?

00:27:27.560 Yeah, well, I mean, at least it would go away there.

00:27:30.120 I'm not saying it would go away on social media, but.

00:27:34.040 Were you surprised that your special, that, did you get a lot of notes on your special?

00:27:38.760 From people?

00:27:39.100 I mean, you're always going to get some.

00:27:40.060 From Paper Tiger?

00:27:40.380 Yeah, but my, I was more surprised that people tried to lump it in with the specials that they

00:27:46.280 did, where it was just like, I mean, if you look at it musically, I mean, a country album

00:27:49.900 is not a rock album.

00:27:51.000 It's not a rap album.

00:27:52.040 So it's like, it's all, like, different.

00:27:53.740 And my special, you know, I did some topical shit, but most of what it was about was me being

00:27:59.640 and trying not to be an angry asshole and pass this on to my kid and be a better husband

00:28:04.520 and just realizing how difficult I am to live with.

00:28:07.940 That's what the main thing was about.

00:28:10.420 But most people that asked me the questions went for the same, like, hot topic fucking

00:28:16.960 shit.

00:28:17.780 Right, like, me too stuff, this and that, blah, blah, blah.

00:28:19.440 Yeah, and tried to say that, which was, you know, that whole thing was fucking, because

00:28:22.560 Ellie would say, you know, it was pretty harsh and blah, blah, blah.

00:28:24.880 It's like, oh, what, the part where I said it happened to me and no one would give a shit

00:28:28.080 because I was a guy?

00:28:29.420 Like, they didn't even fucking, you know, they didn't even ask questions about that.

00:28:33.680 It was all just like...

00:28:35.160 They just want to create, it's just all about creating more stuff.

00:28:37.740 Well, no, yeah, no, it's, they're hacks.

00:28:40.920 And what's funny is, is if I told, who the fuck did I, I think I just said this on Rogan.

00:28:44.920 Like, if I, if I said the same 10 jokes you said, and you said the same 10 jokes, we would

00:28:48.860 be looked at as the worst fucking comics out, just hacks.

00:28:52.380 Okay, but if you're a journalist, for some reason, they can all ask the exact same five

00:28:57.220 to 10 questions.

00:28:58.640 And you just want to be, don't you have any pride in what you do?

00:29:01.260 Don't you want the person that you're interviewing in to be like, wow, man, I know what you ever

00:29:04.760 asked me.

00:29:05.340 That's a great, for them to enjoy it, as opposed to rolling their eyes like, fuck this again.

00:29:10.740 And just, I had a guy started an interview and he goes, he goes, don't be alarmed by these

00:29:15.980 questions.

00:29:16.420 I actually liked your special.

00:29:17.760 And then it was just one fucking, fuck him.

00:29:21.260 I mean, not, I don't, I'd never take it to fuck him.

00:29:24.960 It was just like, it was just disappointing.

00:29:28.180 It was just like, oh God, this again.

00:29:29.940 Well, it's just no integrity.

00:29:30.960 It's just like, there's no individuality.

00:29:34.480 It's, um.

00:29:35.600 Well, I think what it is, is because there's so much shit to look at out there that you have

00:29:40.560 to go with controversy just to get people to stop.

00:29:43.240 So they, you get clicks on your website and then there's like advertising hits.

00:29:47.480 And the dangerous thing about that is when that's where you're steering the ship, you're

00:29:51.240 going to go at somebody who didn't do anything.

00:29:53.620 You know what I mean?

00:29:54.220 And eventually you could get them caught up under the fucking farming equipment, which

00:29:58.000 has happened to a number of comedians who got caught up in, in the fucking wake of that

00:30:03.320 Weinstein shit.

00:30:04.120 And, you know, just to watch all of these so-called social justice warriors to sort

00:30:09.660 of just collectively turn a blind eye to that because they're so worried about like losing

00:30:15.620 this hold that they have.

00:30:17.520 And it's just like.

00:30:18.440 But they're losing the hold.

00:30:19.620 Do you feel, I mean, that hold, I feel like is, it's like, I feel like so many more people

00:30:24.580 go out to see comedians that have podcasts.

00:30:26.360 No, I think, I think, I think that it's just adjusting to where it needed to go.

00:30:30.380 It probably had to go past, it had to go into like a witch hunt phase and it's going

00:30:35.760 to adjust to now that if somebody does something like that, that someone can say something and

00:30:42.920 then it's fine.

00:30:44.000 It is far, and it's not fine that the person did it, but they'll be able to, oh, this is

00:30:48.280 what this is.

00:30:48.860 We know what this is.

00:30:50.240 Let's investigate this.

00:30:51.500 Let's find out what's going on.

00:30:52.680 Blah, blah, blah, blah.

00:30:53.340 They'll be like, it's, I feel like it's, it's going to a rational place where it was

00:30:59.720 totally irrational before.

00:31:01.700 Agreed.

00:31:02.360 And then it blew past rational and went all the way irrational the other side and it's

00:31:06.540 Salem.

00:31:07.140 Yeah.

00:31:07.480 Which is how, you know.

00:31:08.760 And then it's, yeah.

00:31:09.920 Yeah.

00:31:10.700 Yeah.

00:31:11.100 That's going to end up in a comfortable spot.

00:31:12.760 Yeah.

00:31:12.920 I mean, there's just no empathy.

00:31:14.060 It's a lot of times that what gets me is like social justice like that, like this whole

00:31:17.340 like judgment.

00:31:18.600 It's the same people that will say like, we need people to have space to learn and space to be

00:31:22.480 themselves and figure out who they are.

00:31:24.700 But then there's no empathy for anyone when it comes to like a word or a statement or something

00:31:29.840 from a decade ago.

00:31:31.620 No, or, or yeah.

00:31:32.140 And when you go back in somebody's past, it's like, you're not trying to find out who they

00:31:35.820 are.

00:31:36.100 You're going back to find the mistake they made.

00:31:38.320 Yeah.

00:31:38.600 And then that mistake is who they are.

00:31:40.520 It's like everything else that you did, you could literally be a fucking Eagle Scout.

00:31:45.060 Yeah.

00:31:45.500 You know, playing free shows at an old folks home and helping out veterans and all of this

00:31:50.280 shit, but one fucking time you did X, Y, and Z, that's who you are.

00:31:55.740 And, um, yeah, you know, I, I would, I, I just wish that they would like, you know, if

00:32:00.320 somebody does that, Hey, we're going back 15 years.

00:32:02.760 I think we should go back 15 years in this person's life.

00:32:04.900 It's like, okay, as long as we're cool with doing it to you too.

00:32:07.240 Let's go mano y mano.

00:32:08.540 Yeah.

00:32:08.920 And then we'll find them.

00:32:09.960 There's no fucking way.

00:32:11.060 You can't go back in anybody's life.

00:32:13.160 Dude, you can't go back 15 months in my life and not find somebody that doesn't fucking

00:32:16.540 like me, or I said something that I shouldn't have fucking said.

00:32:19.460 It's just like, it's inherent.

00:32:21.700 Oh, I've sent a meme today.

00:32:23.160 That's fucking, but everybody does this, these fucking assholes driving around.

00:32:26.640 Like they're these perfect people.

00:32:27.740 It's like, no, you just don't have a podcast.

00:32:30.040 Yeah.

00:32:31.040 You know, but this is the funny thing is all these fucking people are getting like this

00:32:34.160 home security and all this shit where you can see like the fucking thief and all that.

00:32:38.480 They're going to be recording themselves and they're going to be saying shit in their

00:32:41.680 fucking houses and all these regular people you're going to find are just like anybody

00:32:45.060 else in the public eye that you, you make jokes.

00:32:47.620 You have the way that you joke with your friends.

00:32:50.260 Right.

00:32:50.520 It's normal.

00:32:51.460 Yeah.

00:32:52.000 You, you know, it's a joke.

00:32:53.540 They don't know it's a joke, but then they hear your private conversation.

00:32:56.260 They try to take out.

00:32:57.000 It's like, first of all, this is a private conversation you shouldn't have been listening

00:33:00.220 to.

00:33:00.640 Yeah.

00:33:00.760 There's no context.

00:33:01.540 That's the problem with all of social media and everything.

00:33:03.240 That's a problem even with like, it's like you can see something even on Facebook or

00:33:06.820 anywhere and you see something and you just see that clip, that bit and you're

00:33:09.080 like, it gets a reaction, but you don't see the timeline.

00:33:12.220 So you don't have any context of where it plays.

00:33:14.480 Yeah.

00:33:14.840 And so then people constantly react.

00:33:16.600 We got a kid laying in his bed right here who sent this video in.

00:33:19.200 He had a question.

00:33:20.120 It's related to all this.

00:33:21.620 All right.

00:33:22.120 What up, Theo?

00:33:22.800 Love the podcast.

00:33:23.820 What up, Bill?

00:33:24.520 Been a longtime fan.

00:33:26.580 I'm sending this video directly from my bed with an open ended question.

00:33:31.420 What do you guys think of that comedian Shane Gillis that was just let go from SNL or really

00:33:37.420 just what do you think of the situation in general?

00:33:40.420 Thanks gang gang.

00:33:41.260 And you guys commented on this on David Spade last night.

00:33:43.880 Was that last night?

00:33:44.660 Yesterday?

00:33:44.980 Yeah.

00:33:45.340 No, I just, I think I just answered it.

00:33:46.780 I don't, I don't think it's fair.

00:33:48.380 I wouldn't want to be judged by one thing that I did.

00:33:50.860 Yeah.

00:33:51.980 You know, 10, 15 years ago.

00:33:53.340 So I, that's personally something I wouldn't do.

00:33:55.300 I would never do that to somebody.

00:33:56.660 Right.

00:33:56.840 And it's just, I think it's, it says a lot about you as a person that you went out and

00:34:03.380 did that to him is, is, I mean, I, I don't think, uh, you know, I mean, especially like

00:34:10.560 as you're starting out as a comic or you're like, you're riffing and stuff.

00:34:14.460 It's just like, dude, I got a bit in my act right now.

00:34:16.640 I, that like the first time I told it, two women screamed at me and walked out and fucking

00:34:22.760 then wait, wait, wait, waited to tell me, me go fuck myself and all that.

00:34:27.100 And I got into him with the, you know, and then I honed it and I honed it and I honed

00:34:30.820 it.

00:34:30.900 The other night, same fucking joke.

00:34:32.120 This woman came up to me and says, Oh my God, I feel like you were talking about my

00:34:34.840 life.

00:34:35.600 And it's just like, you know, so, so what am I though?

00:34:40.500 Which guy am I?

00:34:41.500 Am I that fucking guy that made the two women get fucking mad?

00:34:44.660 And then I told him to go fuck themselves and then they yelled at me.

00:34:47.180 You know what I mean?

00:34:47.640 Are they better than I am?

00:34:49.720 You know what I mean?

00:34:50.320 I just don't, I don't get how that works.

00:34:53.520 Well, yeah, I just don't see how there's no long-term value in it.

00:34:56.540 It just ends up with a witch hunt where we all cancel everybody.

00:34:59.680 And I also think SNL was getting shit for never having an Asian cast member.

00:35:03.920 So then he said something about Asians and then they had to look past their own bullshit.

00:35:09.440 Their bullshit.

00:35:10.800 It's like, if he gets canceled, why doesn't SNL get canceled?

00:35:13.200 It took him 40 fucking years to finally cast somebody Asian.

00:35:18.180 That's okay.

00:35:19.200 But this guy says forever.

00:35:20.780 And this guy says one fucking, uh, that's it.

00:35:25.660 And then he's done.

00:35:26.760 And then that's who he is forever.

00:35:28.980 Yeah.

00:35:29.260 And this thing, I don't know the guy, so I don't know who he is, but I'm not going to

00:35:31.980 just watch fucking a second clip of somebody on a podcast and be like, okay, I know who

00:35:36.580 that guy is and whether or not he should do it.

00:35:40.380 And then forget about the fact that like, like, like the, like how the punishment works.

00:35:46.020 Like, I think how the punishment works as far as being a standup comedian is if you sell

00:35:50.800 tickets and you're actually going to make some money, you should never do standup again.

00:35:54.760 Yeah.

00:35:54.980 But if you're not going to sell tickets, it's okay for you to start a career as a comedian

00:35:59.240 or continue flailing as a comedian.

00:36:01.720 It doesn't even make fucking sense.

00:36:03.980 Yeah.

00:36:04.460 None of it, none of it does.

00:36:05.580 But I, like I said, I think it's, it's, it's adjusting back, but it's going to take some

00:36:09.900 balls on, um, corporation side to not give into this shit.

00:36:16.260 Right.

00:36:16.400 And why, because I can tell you this because God forbid one fucking nickel rolls out the

00:36:22.820 fucking door for an hour, God for fucking bid.

00:36:27.100 They don't give a shit.

00:36:28.480 It's all about their brand and keeping this fucking thing going.

00:36:32.400 And we're not, I mean, I get it to one level.

00:36:33.780 We're not going to let one person fucking destroy a 40 year March.

00:36:37.420 Right.

00:36:37.680 I get that.

00:36:38.180 But I just think that how quickly they just cut and run.

00:36:40.940 But just to stand up and say, Hey, look, we understand we're a company that understands

00:36:44.160 that people are people and we all make mistakes and we all do things maybe out of context from

00:36:49.500 15 years ago in our life.

00:36:51.040 And we're an understanding company.

00:36:52.660 I think half of the world would support that.

00:36:55.540 But the thing that they then let this guy go because of that is now you're validating

00:36:59.840 that there's one bad thing is who this person is.

00:37:02.360 Right.

00:37:02.660 And now he has to fucking carry that.

00:37:05.660 Like, that's going to be like his thing.

00:37:07.300 And it's just like, it's, it's, it's horrifically not fair.

00:37:13.000 It's not, that's not fair to the, the fucking kid that did that to him, whoever started

00:37:17.040 that, it wouldn't be fair to do it to that person because there's no fucking way you can't

00:37:20.960 go back and do this to somebody.

00:37:22.120 And imagine like, what if that kid's supposed to be, Shane Gill's supposed to be one of

00:37:24.900 the best comedians ever.

00:37:26.640 What if he, you know, that's his, what is his destiny, you know, or, or he's supposed

00:37:30.400 to do something novel and through his craft.

00:37:32.880 You also grow the more you travel.

00:37:34.580 If you have your fucking eyes and your ears open.

00:37:36.680 Oh yeah.

00:37:37.060 It's the best thing about traveling.

00:37:38.440 Cause then you have friends, you have frames of references and then shit that people say.

00:37:42.840 And it's funny that you go back to your hometown and the shit that people were saying that

00:37:45.580 was making sense.

00:37:46.320 Now you have, can step back and be like, ah, that's, that's, that's not right.

00:37:51.060 Or that's not cool to say that.

00:37:52.540 Oh, I remember first time I went to Africa, man, I was like, holy shit.

00:37:55.680 I had no idea that like other countries, I mean, I knew they were like real, you know,

00:38:00.420 from books and from like the globe, but I didn't know they were real from, till I went

00:38:05.820 there and put my feet on them.

00:38:06.800 No, but I know, I know what you mean.

00:38:08.020 It didn't register.

00:38:08.500 You know what was great was, was, was, well, is so fucking mind blowing is when you go

00:38:12.980 to Asia and you go there and cause they don't pay attention to it other than this fucking

00:38:19.580 horse shit where we're trying to start wars with people.

00:38:21.920 You go there and it's like, it's literally like you went to another planet.

00:38:25.500 Yeah.

00:38:25.800 You show up and it's like, they have their own pop stars, their own airlines, their, their

00:38:31.660 own, it's, it's exactly like here, completely different.

00:38:35.280 And it's just like, oh, this is their CVS.

00:38:37.740 This is their something.

00:38:38.780 And, and it's just, it was the fucking coolest thing.

00:38:42.140 And, you know, there's different like cars, like, uh, that they just don't put out here

00:38:46.620 in the U S.

00:38:47.360 Yeah.

00:38:47.800 Like they'll, they'll have like, like a couple, like Peugeot is like a big thing.

00:38:50.700 Like I, I kind of saw when I was over there, but like, that was sort of the, uh, the thrill

00:38:57.720 of going over there was watching like, all right.

00:39:01.460 And like, you get like, who's their guns and roses, like who makes these fucking people

00:39:05.420 go crazy and like their AC, DC and all that shit.

00:39:09.040 So I really got into the music when I was over there.

00:39:11.640 I couldn't understand what they were saying, but like, but the energy, but just like laughing,

00:39:17.080 watching it.

00:39:17.640 And then you'd see the way the person was dressed and how the crowd was reacting.

00:39:21.120 Is this China?

00:39:22.100 Uh, where was I?

00:39:22.980 I think this was, uh, Singapore, Hong Kong, uh, Mumbai.

00:39:27.360 I, it just, but the whole thing, just traveling through all of it.

00:39:31.920 Oh, Mumbai is beautiful.

00:39:33.120 Yeah.

00:39:33.680 And Singapore airlines where they still have like the hot chick fucking stewardesses, which

00:39:38.180 for some reason that became like discontinued.

00:39:41.160 Yeah.

00:39:41.220 Like this asshole thing.

00:39:42.580 Dude, it's the greatest thing ever.

00:39:44.620 Oh, and they all, if you watch them in the airport, they'll move like a school of fish

00:39:48.180 almost.

00:39:48.640 They like, well, they're all in a group in formation.

00:39:50.400 They're all in like, it's like a young, beautiful military.

00:39:53.620 I know.

00:39:54.040 And you're just sitting there.

00:39:54.920 Like it makes you happy to be on the airplane.

00:39:56.980 God forbid.

00:39:57.980 Yeah.

00:39:58.460 God forbid.

00:39:59.080 And then people just sit there.

00:40:00.000 Oh, I could, she has to be beautiful.

00:40:01.880 Yes.

00:40:02.280 I mean that, that can't, that's fucking part of nature.

00:40:04.520 Yeah.

00:40:05.140 It's Nate.

00:40:05.600 People are trying to act like that isn't a fucking thing.

00:40:07.380 Anyway.

00:40:08.200 So.

00:40:09.000 Oh, nature is a thing.

00:40:10.140 But here's the thing.

00:40:10.660 Before I fucking, uh, trap before, you know, did 20 years on the road and then fucking

00:40:16.680 go there like shit to me that was like factually acceptable, joke acceptable and all

00:40:24.360 of that was, was just, you know, it adjusts.

00:40:27.420 Yeah.

00:40:27.820 Yeah.

00:40:27.980 It adjusts, man.

00:40:28.820 So I didn't realize how many people were like, I grew up in a small town and we just

00:40:31.940 had, you know, it was like probably maybe 70% white, 30% black and it was pretty poor

00:40:38.220 town.

00:40:39.000 And I remember going to Africa as the first country I ever went to.

00:40:42.060 And I was like, holy continent.

00:40:43.840 It's not a country.

00:40:44.500 Yeah.

00:40:45.220 And I remember thinking, holy shit, dude, all these people are going to be in heaven.

00:40:49.020 That's what I never realized.

00:40:49.940 And I was like, fuck.

00:40:51.000 Cause I'd always pictured heaven, like just the people from my town were going to be there.

00:40:54.280 And then I remember going to this place and being like, holy shit, man, what are we going

00:40:58.120 to do now in heaven?

00:40:59.300 It's going to be packed.

00:41:00.540 That was my first thought.

00:41:01.840 Do you believe in heaven?

00:41:03.000 Yeah.

00:41:03.460 And I thought, well, when we die, dude, it's going to be packed.

00:41:05.780 And so then suddenly I had all this anxiety, like, you know, like, um, I guess not anxiety,

00:41:10.500 but just like, you know, like, fuck man, now I got to rethink, you know, what my afterlife.

00:41:16.640 Yeah.

00:41:17.080 And so I was like, um, yeah, rethink my heaven.

00:41:19.880 Is there a room for Africans in your afterlife?

00:41:22.760 And there's a lot of room for them.

00:41:23.960 You got to see how many are coming or you got to see how many are coming.

00:41:27.440 But then I went to India, I went to India one time and I saw like some kids there smiling

00:41:31.160 and playing.

00:41:31.900 And dude, to this day, I've never seen as much joy come out of like a group of kids.

00:41:37.080 Then for some reason, just like, I had a great time in India.

00:41:40.400 In Mumbai.

00:41:41.180 They were like.

00:41:41.900 Friendliest people.

00:41:43.260 Well, they were ball breakers.

00:41:44.500 I was really amazed at the sense of humor, uh, that was over there.

00:41:49.800 Cause that's not something you hear about when we, when we talk about India, we talk

00:41:53.780 about the food, we talk about the religion, caste system, the sacred cow, all this hacky

00:41:59.960 shit, the, the, the style of dress, but they never talked about the people.

00:42:03.520 And I got there and they were really, really funny.

00:42:07.380 Like, uh, just ball breakers.

00:42:10.140 Like the comics, like broke balls.

00:42:11.760 It was really, really funny.

00:42:12.900 And it was, uh, yeah, that was a great time.

00:42:15.680 It was just a little scary to go to as far as like when I got like a, I had to get a

00:42:20.280 work permit to go there.

00:42:21.360 And then when I went there, I had to get them to sign a piece of paper.

00:42:24.400 So it was okay for me to leave.

00:42:26.320 And I didn't like that.

00:42:27.660 Yeah.

00:42:28.040 At all.

00:42:28.700 Like almost like checking in for school or something like that.

00:42:30.900 No, I had to go to like this fucking embassy thing and they wouldn't let the promoter come

00:42:34.740 in there.

00:42:35.140 And I was sitting there with some chick from Afghanistan and we're both looking at each

00:42:38.280 other like, are they going to let us, let us out of here?

00:42:39.980 One of us.

00:42:40.460 And, and there was like, um, you know, when they do this thing where they don't, when

00:42:45.060 you ask them a question, they don't nod yes or shake no.

00:42:48.540 They kind of do like.

00:42:49.380 Oh yeah.

00:42:49.620 They do that.

00:42:50.020 Double up.

00:42:50.800 They do this shit.

00:42:51.680 Mm-hmm.

00:42:51.980 It's like who wants to be a, yeah.

00:42:52.980 Cause I was like, all right.

00:42:53.760 So I got this piece of paper.

00:42:54.960 I'm doing my show tonight and then I'm going to the airport and I'll be able to get out

00:42:57.840 if I, if I show them this.

00:42:58.700 And she was just like, oh yeah.

00:43:00.940 Doing this.

00:43:01.420 It's like, lady, I'm on the other side of the fucking globe.

00:43:05.180 Yeah.

00:43:05.460 What, do you guys own me now?

00:43:06.980 What, what's going on here?

00:43:07.900 Am I in when they, when they, when that fucking, when that guy taped the drugs to him?

00:43:11.320 What the fuck was that movie?

00:43:12.280 I don't even know what the fuck it was.

00:43:13.360 Oh, uh, women in, uh.

00:43:14.940 No, this is before you, this is when you were real young.

00:43:17.600 Um, Midnight Express.

00:43:19.300 Oh yeah.

00:43:19.740 I haven't seen that.

00:43:20.000 Yeah.

00:43:20.120 You guys don't know that.

00:43:20.860 With Tom Hanks?

00:43:21.760 Just file that under Mary Tyler Moore.

00:43:24.360 Yeah.

00:43:24.940 Oh, that's Polar Express is what I'm thinking of.

00:43:27.220 Yeah.

00:43:27.400 Polar Express.

00:43:28.420 Um, anyway, it was, yeah, that was the only part of the trip that I didn't like.

00:43:32.560 And it was, I found out that it's harder for people who lived on the West Coast to get

00:43:36.060 out of there than on the East Coast, which means

00:43:37.780 some Senator said something or did something and fucked with them.

00:43:41.520 So this is their political fuck you back.

00:43:43.600 Oh, wow.

00:43:43.940 Yeah.

00:43:44.140 Because there was some, um, I'm not good with the name, some beautiful, uh, pop star American,

00:43:50.560 like one of those Norah Jones, you know, piano playing gorgeous women.

00:43:54.760 She went there and she couldn't get out is what the promoter told me.

00:43:58.040 So I was thinking like, all right, if they don't let somebody who looks like that get out,

00:44:00.540 there's no fucking way I'm getting out.

00:44:02.100 Yeah.

00:44:02.300 So what was good was I had a, uh, uh, uh, a red eye flight and I showed up and I handed

00:44:08.320 the paper and the guy was fucking doing this shit and I just guerrillaed my way through

00:44:11.580 that middleman.

00:44:12.300 Yeah.

00:44:12.400 And I was just like, dude, it's the paper.

00:44:13.940 I have to go.

00:44:14.540 I got to go.

00:44:15.140 And he, I, he just was like, Oh, they just fucking stamped it.

00:44:18.020 And then I felt like when that stamp hits, I don't, I like when I landed another airport

00:44:22.840 and get on a different fucking plane, we were connecting to Dubai and I was just like,

00:44:27.040 as we were on the, uh, the tarmac, I felt like I was in that Ben Affleck movie that Argo.

00:44:32.040 Oh yeah.

00:44:32.340 Argo.

00:44:32.760 Yeah.

00:44:32.840 That was a good movie.

00:44:33.520 Like some of the Jeeps were going to come along the side.

00:44:35.180 So once we took off, I was kind of okay.

00:44:37.760 And then when we landed in Dubai and we switched over to Air Emirates, which I swear to God is

00:44:44.880 one of the most insane fucking planes.

00:44:46.880 I've seen pictures online.

00:44:48.340 And I used my SkyMiles.

00:44:49.940 So we were like sitting up top first class.

00:44:52.140 So when I got in there and we went to go to the, I went to go to the bathroom and I went

00:44:55.840 in the back to, there was a fucking bar that you could stand up while the plane was going

00:45:00.820 was like a semi-circle had enough for like six people to stand around.

00:45:04.360 So I came back, I said to my wife, I go, Nia, come on back here.

00:45:07.840 She goes, for what?

00:45:08.660 I go, come here.

00:45:09.140 I got to show you this.

00:45:09.780 And she's like, what are you going to fucking look at the bathroom?

00:45:11.440 So we come walking in and she saw the bar.

00:45:13.840 I said, I'd like to buy you a drink.

00:45:15.020 So then we sat down on like this bench that had like this giant seat.

00:45:19.740 I think I can't tell.

00:45:20.580 No, it must've been individuals.

00:45:21.580 Cause what if you sat down with some stranger, you wouldn't want to do that.

00:45:23.740 But I remembered it as one big seatbelt, but we just sat there on a bench and I was just

00:45:29.480 laughing, acting like I didn't know her and hitting on her in like a Ron Burgundy kind

00:45:33.100 of way.

00:45:33.420 So we were just cracking up and it was just this fucking awesome flight.

00:45:38.600 That was such an amazing trip because we started in LA, went to Australia, did a whole

00:45:43.620 run there, went to New Zealand, then Singapore, then Hong Kong, then Mumbai.

00:45:47.540 Wow.

00:45:47.980 And your wife went with you the whole time?

00:45:49.440 Yeah.

00:45:49.780 Before I had a kid.

00:45:50.700 And then we connected in Dubai and then flew to New York.

00:45:53.680 Then I did some gigs there and then I flew.

00:45:55.740 So I literally flew around the world on that.

00:45:58.140 So that gets back to you who were like, you know, Africa exists, but you don't know how

00:46:02.800 it exists till you go there.

00:46:04.160 Oh yeah.

00:46:04.500 And that was the thing where like flying, it's just like, yeah, it all, it all exists.

00:46:11.160 Or this is like, you know, Steven Spielberg, they paid him to come up with some sort of

00:46:15.460 like scenery shit and give you the sensation that you were flying.

00:46:18.560 I don't know.

00:46:19.240 Yeah.

00:46:19.380 I don't think they can do all of that.

00:46:20.460 I think a lot of people, you know, a lot of people get in all that, the flat earth and

00:46:24.480 this and that, but I don't think that that's really, I think there could be something going

00:46:27.640 on.

00:46:28.140 I don't think that that's it.

00:46:29.060 That's too easy of an answer.

00:46:30.040 As far as what?

00:46:31.120 As far as them making people, like getting people to act and stuff in Africa and getting

00:46:35.120 people, I don't think somebody's like making, you know.

00:46:38.320 I thought you were talking about flat earth.

00:46:39.820 Oh, I don't think somebody's blowing a whistle.

00:46:41.100 You would literally have to have the world scientists in every single country.

00:46:46.760 Yeah.

00:46:47.280 Get, join on the same lie.

00:46:50.640 They can't do it.

00:46:51.240 But if they were able to do that, then all these wars are a lie then.

00:46:54.240 Yeah.

00:46:54.480 They can't do that.

00:46:55.440 You know?

00:46:56.360 By the way, how much longer are they going to keep saying like Iran did something?

00:47:01.180 They're just forcing us into that.

00:47:02.720 Like, how the fuck are we going to pay for this?

00:47:04.440 Every other day, there's an article.

00:47:05.640 I don't know.

00:47:06.240 I think they want us to go bankrupt.

00:47:07.240 A fence fell down in Saudi Arabia.

00:47:09.460 We think Iran did it.

00:47:11.440 You know what that's reminding me?

00:47:12.280 Remember that great Bill Hicks bit where he was like, the pick up the gun?

00:47:15.560 Uh-uh.

00:47:16.400 Oh, God.

00:47:17.020 You got to hear that one.

00:47:18.140 He's a reference to a Jack Palance movie, which you don't know and you probably don't

00:47:21.760 give a shit.

00:47:22.520 I remember Barnaby.

00:47:23.740 No.

00:47:24.360 Barnaby Collins.

00:47:25.180 Remember him?

00:47:25.820 Barnaby Jones.

00:47:26.840 Yeah.

00:47:27.660 Barnaby Jones.

00:47:28.440 Now, that's the one I didn't watch.

00:47:29.760 Fuck.

00:47:30.480 Oh, it was good, man.

00:47:31.560 Buddy Epson.

00:47:32.240 What else?

00:47:32.760 Maddox.

00:47:33.500 Y5-0.

00:47:34.720 The original.

00:47:35.760 Mm-mm.

00:47:36.260 Buddy Epson.

00:47:36.920 Remember him?

00:47:37.960 Buddy Epson.

00:47:38.760 No.

00:47:39.300 I think he played Barnaby Jones.

00:47:40.680 Real hitter.

00:47:41.720 Who's this right here?

00:47:42.840 Oh, Antonio Brown.

00:47:44.240 I would love to get Bill's thoughts on Antonio Brown.

00:47:46.540 This is him farting in the face of the doctor.

00:47:48.520 Yeah, this is unbelievable.

00:47:49.780 I, oh, God.

00:47:50.960 Farted fast, too, I heard.

00:47:52.120 It was in his face, though.

00:47:53.600 Those are bodybuilders.

00:47:54.660 And this is pretty pretty cool.

00:47:56.040 Ooh.

00:47:57.760 I got to stay away.

00:47:58.980 Damn.

00:47:59.180 I'm bad.

00:47:59.760 Damn.

00:48:00.280 No, I should eat.

00:48:01.060 I feel like that was a little overblown, but that was just one more in this series of

00:48:07.960 incidences.

00:48:09.340 What are your thoughts on him joining the Patriots?

00:48:12.980 Here you go, Bill.

00:48:13.700 I think he's a great player.

00:48:15.080 Paul Verzi had the best take on that, I thought, where he was wondering if some of the concussions,

00:48:22.840 because he was a really quiet guy, you know, in the first half of his career.

00:48:28.800 And then all of a sudden, out of nowhere, there's all like this erratic behavior.

00:48:32.220 I'm not talking about the sexual assault shift.

00:48:34.280 No, but there seems like a big ego stuff.

00:48:36.220 Yeah.

00:48:36.420 There's more of a, there's more of a circum, there's a lot of surrounding him.

00:48:39.880 It's like Kanye.

00:48:40.820 I don't, I don't, yeah, I don't know what's going on.

00:48:43.060 Yeah, I don't know what's going on with that guy.

00:48:44.260 Yeah, I, but I'll be honest with you, he was always on the Steelers, so I didn't really

00:48:48.180 watch a lot of his interviews, but I just don't ever remember him having much of a problem

00:48:52.100 while he was with Pittsburgh until the end.

00:48:54.500 Then all of a sudden, it just became like this, this thing.

00:48:57.860 And then he goes to Oakland, he has a problem with the helmet or something like that.

00:49:00.560 I don't know.

00:49:01.540 I don't know, dude.

00:49:02.220 You know, I got to be honest with you.

00:49:03.340 I really don't think any of that's any of my business.

00:49:06.620 I don't know why people post shit like that, or he wants to post it.

00:49:09.260 I don't give a shit.

00:49:10.000 I just want to watch the game.

00:49:11.100 And if this guy's a good guy, and he's going to be great, and he's going to win with the

00:49:14.300 Patriots, I hope we keep him.

00:49:16.080 And if he's, you know, a knucklehead or did that shit that they're suggesting he did,

00:49:20.500 then, you know, you get rid of the guy.

00:49:22.080 It's as simple as that.

00:49:23.420 But like, I don't get into the fucking real housewife aspect of sports.

00:49:27.420 I don't give a fuck about.

00:49:30.000 Right.

00:49:30.320 That's not who they, it's not what we're there for as viewers.

00:49:32.640 Yeah, I want to watch the game.

00:49:33.880 I don't want to sit in a fucking tailgate fucking parking lot talking to some asshole about

00:49:38.420 like somebody's, what the fuck?

00:49:40.400 Did you see what he did in the Dairy Queen?

00:49:42.020 It's like, I don't give a fuck.

00:49:45.420 Isn't that for the local authorities?

00:49:47.420 What, are I going to be some gumshoe here now?

00:49:49.060 What do you think about the scandal?

00:49:51.540 Yeah, it's like I'm a sports fan.

00:49:52.820 I don't think.

00:49:53.600 I just fucking watch this shit and react to stuff that has nothing to do with my life,

00:49:57.600 and I enjoy it.

00:49:59.220 I'll tell you what you got to get into.

00:50:00.540 You got to get into motorcycle racing.

00:50:02.140 You got to get into MotoGP.

00:50:03.700 Really?

00:50:03.900 That shit is the best fucking racing out there, and these guys are out of their fucking minds

00:50:08.680 in a great way.

00:50:09.320 Do they do it here in the U.S. too?

00:50:10.940 They have one race a year.

00:50:12.040 I'm going next year in Austin.

00:50:13.860 They have one Formula One race here.

00:50:15.260 Sure, I'll go, man.

00:50:15.800 The same place.

00:50:16.620 I'm fucking going, man.

00:50:17.980 It's like every race.

00:50:19.760 It's like it's down to like the final lap, and they pass each other like three or four

00:50:23.840 times.

00:50:24.420 And they're on a track?

00:50:25.360 Oh, wow.

00:50:25.740 Oh, yeah.

00:50:26.120 Oh, yeah.

00:50:26.800 My niece does dirt biking, but...

00:50:28.800 Oh, that was Andre DeVizioso, number four, and Mark Marquez.

00:50:35.060 That was in...

00:50:35.900 What the fuck was that one?

00:50:37.520 That last lap of that fucking race is insane.

00:50:41.120 Wow.

00:50:41.920 This is every last lap from 2019.

00:50:44.640 Oh, it is?

00:50:45.160 Yeah.

00:50:45.540 It's insane.

00:50:46.140 You don't get this in Formula One because once Lewis Hamilton gets in the front, you can

00:50:50.560 take a fucking nap.

00:50:52.140 It's over.

00:50:52.680 Yeah.

00:50:52.980 Look at that shit.

00:50:55.400 The Ducati's going...

00:50:56.600 Trying to get past the Honda there.

00:50:57.440 How fast are they going?

00:50:58.740 On the straightaway, they go over 200 miles an hour, and I think they're doing like 70

00:51:02.900 or something in the turns.

00:51:04.480 It's fucking insane.

00:51:06.480 Wow.

00:51:07.480 That's balls.

00:51:08.120 Yeah.

00:51:08.780 Dude, you have a lot of hobbies, Bill.

00:51:11.160 I get into shit, man.

00:51:12.940 You have a lot of things you like.

00:51:13.940 Dude, I need to get...

00:51:14.440 Dude, and these guys.

00:51:15.140 Look at that guy with the white head.

00:51:17.300 Oh, they're Italian.

00:51:17.700 Yeah, they are.

00:51:18.180 That's Italian right there.

00:51:19.220 Yeah.

00:51:19.380 You can't get that...

00:51:20.500 You can't have that much love in your fucking arms if you're not Italian, bro.

00:51:24.120 Yeah.

00:51:24.740 Well, no, they all...

00:51:25.360 Look at that.

00:51:25.900 Look at those guys.

00:51:26.920 Yeah, they're like...

00:51:27.460 It's like they're on a fucking horse, and they're like banging into each other.

00:51:31.160 See, now, he came on the brakes too late there, so he went too hot in the corner.

00:51:35.460 The guy in the red, so he ducked in.

00:51:36.820 I don't know a lot about it, but I just watched his...

00:51:38.900 This shit has me come up off my couch.

00:51:41.500 Wow.

00:51:43.580 You are...

00:51:44.780 I wonder if they have radio in their helmet.

00:51:46.420 You think they're probably listening to the boss, huh?

00:51:49.380 No.

00:51:49.860 Oh, look at that!

00:51:51.060 You see him pop the wheel.

00:51:51.900 That's really...

00:51:52.680 Out of frustration.

00:51:53.940 Yeah.

00:51:54.280 Fuck, he got me.

00:51:56.400 Do you sometimes wish that you had another life to do something that was a little bit

00:51:59.920 more violent like that?

00:52:02.140 You think that's violent?

00:52:03.460 That's a little...

00:52:04.060 I mean, it's...

00:52:04.680 I think the results...

00:52:05.760 Well, if this is the thing, though...

00:52:06.840 Not violent or whatever that is.

00:52:07.740 What is it called when you're like...

00:52:09.320 Oh, more adrenaline rush?

00:52:10.940 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:52:13.460 No, I think I got this life right as far as like...

00:52:15.960 I feel like I'm doing what I'm supposed to do, but like...

00:52:18.880 I will say, though, as far as racing goes, I've gotten into it where I've watched like

00:52:23.000 old Formula One and old MotoGP, and I got to tell you, the second you press play, it's

00:52:27.920 immediately scary.

00:52:29.060 Like, these guys could die, and people died a lot.

00:52:32.460 Like, ridiculously a lot back in the 50s and 60s, and it was fucking insane.

00:52:36.520 I read this book called...

00:52:37.440 Your listeners are into racing.

00:52:39.220 I read this book called The Limit, which is basically where these guys try to push the

00:52:43.620 car.

00:52:43.840 Basically, or the bike, or whatever you're racing, the absolute limit of the performance

00:52:48.340 before you fucking crash.

00:52:49.900 Like, that's where you have to be racing, or somebody else is going to take it to the

00:52:53.200 limit, and you have to...

00:52:54.720 Like a fucking test pilot.

00:52:55.680 You got to figure out where that is.

00:52:57.540 So, this book is about the first American who won the Formula One.

00:53:03.460 Mm-hmm.

00:53:04.440 Yeah.

00:53:05.440 It was a fucking amazing book.

00:53:07.460 So, and he was the first American not only to win the championship in Formula One, but

00:53:12.240 also to drive for Ferrari, and we were just considered inferior.

00:53:15.420 Wow.

00:53:16.140 Because we got all this space out here.

00:53:17.580 And so, Formula One just takes place in Europe.

00:53:20.080 Well, I mean, it's...

00:53:21.580 I think it believed it started over there.

00:53:23.080 I'm not quite sure over there, but it started over there.

00:53:24.980 Brazil has it now.

00:53:25.900 And then...

00:53:26.460 Well, they have a race there.

00:53:27.540 Okay.

00:53:28.100 But as far as the cars, it's mainly German, Italian...

00:53:32.300 British got a car in there?

00:53:35.300 I don't know.

00:53:35.600 Just throughout the years.

00:53:36.360 Whatever.

00:53:36.960 So, this guy gets a job.

00:53:39.040 The American gets a job driving for Ferrari.

00:53:43.560 So, he gets his race car.

00:53:45.240 In the film.

00:53:46.100 In the book.

00:53:46.680 In the book.

00:53:47.120 Yeah.

00:53:47.600 So, when he gets the car, he notices in the floorboards, I guess, which are just all

00:53:54.440 metal, I think, at that point.

00:53:55.560 There was a hole in it.

00:53:57.420 And it was basically the last guy who drove it got decapitated, and he bled out in the

00:54:02.760 car on how they hosed the water out.

00:54:04.480 They just drilled a hole.

00:54:06.440 So, he's...

00:54:06.920 Dude, it's fucking intense.

00:54:09.300 Damn.

00:54:09.620 So, these guys...

00:54:12.040 Dude, they would die.

00:54:13.040 People in the crowd would die.

00:54:14.420 They had one.

00:54:14.940 This guy's fucking had an accident, right?

00:54:16.640 They fucking hit each other.

00:54:17.820 The hood came off, went into the crowd like a Chinese star, and decapitated like six people.

00:54:24.060 And this guy landed on like...

00:54:25.620 You know those concrete barriers?

00:54:27.040 Yeah, an embankment.

00:54:27.520 Just landed dead in front of the car, all on fire.

00:54:31.260 Oh, yeah.

00:54:31.760 This video of it.

00:54:33.320 I forget where the crash was.

00:54:35.360 They don't show the decapitation, but you see the hood fucking go into the crowd.

00:54:44.160 Give me more to search.

00:54:46.440 I will see.

00:54:47.520 Formula One.

00:54:48.620 There was a German guy whose nickname was Crash or something like that.

00:54:52.400 He wanted...

00:54:54.060 I saw...

00:54:54.640 Vintage Formula One German Crash Crowd Death.

00:55:01.700 There you go.

00:55:02.340 That's how I look for shit.

00:55:03.280 I saw a fucking Pirelli go into a front of a Popeye's chicken one time off of Highway

00:55:12.940 190 over there by us.

00:55:14.680 Or Kenny Rogers Roasters.

00:55:15.660 Remember that place?

00:55:15.940 Oh, I mean, yeah, dude.

00:55:17.040 I mean, if that fucking hits you in the chest, I mean, just all...

00:55:19.980 You're fucking...

00:55:20.880 Your insides are liquefied.

00:55:22.600 Wide open.

00:55:23.320 That's it.

00:55:23.680 That's the ultimate liver shot.

00:55:25.160 Was it in 1961, the same year as the police?

00:55:26.940 Yeah, something like that.

00:55:27.940 I would think it would be around there.

00:55:29.460 These fucking people were standing...

00:55:31.180 It was on a straightaway, so they thought they would say...

00:55:33.260 They were just behind a rope.

00:55:35.160 All right, here you go.

00:55:37.400 Tragedy at Monza.

00:55:40.380 This might be it.

00:55:43.220 This is...

00:55:43.700 Was a guy named Wolfgang?

00:55:44.920 Wolfgang.

00:55:45.320 That's him.

00:55:45.780 Yeah, yeah.

00:55:46.180 There we go.

00:55:46.680 Beautiful name, too.

00:55:47.320 Here we go.

00:55:50.140 Let's see if this is it.

00:55:52.100 Seems to be the same footage over and over again.

00:55:54.000 Am I crazy?

00:55:55.180 Oh, they cut it out.

00:55:56.420 They cut it out.

00:55:57.060 He went into the crowd.

00:55:59.420 You got to get...

00:56:00.020 Okay, so Wolfgang, Von Tripp's fatal crash.

00:56:04.440 Yeah, see those people looking down?

00:56:05.640 They're looking down at dead people.

00:56:07.940 Oh, there was a fence.

00:56:08.900 There's a couple dead right there.

00:56:09.920 Look, you can see the dead right through there.

00:56:11.480 Oh, two hats.

00:56:12.300 There's their hats.

00:56:13.240 No head.

00:56:13.880 Oh, my God.

00:56:14.460 Look at that.

00:56:16.240 Yeah, and that was it.

00:56:17.060 You couldn't sue anybody.

00:56:18.980 Unbelievable.

00:56:19.600 Who's talking about death now, Bill?

00:56:21.000 And he died.

00:56:22.280 That's the Mary Tyler Moore circuit.

00:56:24.180 I know.

00:56:24.740 Then there is the one...

00:56:26.840 I don't know the name of the crash,

00:56:28.340 but there's one with the fucking hood comes off,

00:56:31.960 and the guy lands right on top of the things,

00:56:34.620 and he's just...

00:56:35.540 I mean, the balls.

00:56:37.240 The balls it took to just race in the fucking 90s.

00:56:39.400 Just the sound of the cars.

00:56:40.840 They just sound scarier and dangerous.

00:56:42.400 And the gas was right there.

00:56:43.600 I felt like back in the day,

00:56:44.780 if I looked around in my dad's car enough,

00:56:46.700 I could find a little bit of gasoline.

00:56:48.560 It was always within arm's reach

00:56:50.540 or within, like, nose's smell.

00:56:52.200 I got an old Ford pickup.

00:56:53.580 The gas tank is right behind the seat,

00:56:55.520 and when I get low on gas,

00:56:56.820 I hear it sloshing around.

00:56:59.360 What do you have, an F-150?

00:57:00.800 F-100.

00:57:01.540 Oh, that's awesome, man.

00:57:02.580 What year is it?

00:57:03.360 68.

00:57:03.800 I drove it over here.

00:57:04.480 Oh, you did?

00:57:04.940 Yeah, yeah.

00:57:05.280 Dude, that's awesome.

00:57:06.460 Yeah, I got a...

00:57:07.060 It's free on the column,

00:57:07.740 but I mean, it's not something

00:57:08.700 that I would want to get into an accident with.

00:57:11.200 That's why, you know...

00:57:12.240 Because of fire?

00:57:13.720 Well, yeah, and also,

00:57:14.620 there was no crumple zones back then.

00:57:16.260 It was just the engine went into your chest.

00:57:17.940 It's not like a fucking, you know,

00:57:19.880 modern-day car

00:57:20.880 where you can just hit shit and bounce.

00:57:22.400 I mean, people still die,

00:57:23.280 but I'm just saying, like, those...

00:57:25.460 Yeah, like, you take...

00:57:27.300 I'd rather die, I think.

00:57:28.440 Yeah, you're in a...

00:57:29.380 Yeah.

00:57:30.700 Like a fucking champion, you know?

00:57:31.960 Well, it depends.

00:57:32.880 It depends.

00:57:33.640 Yeah, maybe, like,

00:57:34.320 if it's a nice day, I would.

00:57:35.620 If it's a fucking...

00:57:37.220 If it's boiling out,

00:57:39.020 I think I would...

00:57:39.780 Well, it depends on what my injuries

00:57:40.800 are going to be.

00:57:41.800 All right, here we go.

00:57:42.460 Let's get a lady here.

00:57:43.060 This is the first person wearing a shirt,

00:57:44.640 I believe.

00:57:46.160 That's our audience.

00:57:47.600 All right.

00:57:48.700 Hey, Bill.

00:57:49.420 Hey, Theo.

00:57:50.080 This is Marissa from Raleigh, North Carolina.

00:57:53.020 And so, Bill, I heard you say on,

00:57:56.020 I believe it was Joe Rogan's podcast,

00:57:57.600 that you really liked the film

00:57:59.820 Once Upon a Time in Hollywood,

00:58:00.960 and you've seen it several times.

00:58:03.220 And I know Theo said

00:58:04.080 that he walked out halfway through it.

00:58:06.680 So I was just wondering

00:58:07.680 maybe if you could talk about

00:58:08.840 why you loved it so much

00:58:09.940 and Theo why you walked out

00:58:12.260 halfway through it.

00:58:13.580 Anyway, gang, gang.

00:58:15.300 Well, this is where Bill and I

00:58:16.720 don't talk anymore after this.

00:58:18.440 No, no.

00:58:18.940 If you didn't like it,

00:58:19.740 you didn't like it.

00:58:20.300 I absolutely fucking loved it.

00:58:21.780 I heard on your podcast

00:58:22.520 you say that you loved it.

00:58:23.420 Oh, my God.

00:58:24.680 Dude, it's the best work.

00:58:26.480 Leo's...

00:58:27.680 I mean, Brad Pitt's great.

00:58:28.500 First time you watched it,

00:58:29.280 I was just like,

00:58:29.980 I want to be...

00:58:30.560 Brad Pitt's the guy I want to be.

00:58:31.980 Yeah.

00:58:32.260 And then the second time I watched it,

00:58:33.580 I was like, oh, my God.

00:58:34.320 I'm just like Leo's character.

00:58:35.720 I have an emotional fucking mess.

00:58:38.260 Well, I don't know what part you walked...

00:58:39.940 I walked out after they went to that house

00:58:42.320 for the first time

00:58:42.820 after they met the old guy

00:58:44.080 and they were in the yard

00:58:45.300 and then his car had a flat tire

00:58:47.320 and at that point,

00:58:48.460 I was like,

00:58:48.680 I got to get out of here.

00:58:49.480 I don't know what these guys are doing.

00:58:50.800 I felt like it was just kind of a waste of...

00:58:53.280 I don't know.

00:58:53.840 I couldn't get into it

00:58:55.020 and I didn't know what was going on

00:58:56.260 and it made me feel uncomfortable.

00:58:57.680 I was like,

00:58:57.860 I got to get out of here

00:58:58.640 because I started to feel like

00:58:59.620 everybody knows what's going on

00:59:00.940 and I don't know what's going on,

00:59:02.080 you know, I guess.

00:59:02.980 Yeah.

00:59:03.360 That's for you and the therapist, buddy.

00:59:05.520 Yeah.

00:59:06.060 If that happens to you at the fucking movies,

00:59:07.800 if you think the whole movie theater

00:59:09.800 gives a shit about whether...

00:59:11.800 No, I don't think they care.

00:59:13.620 Were you making like audible noises

00:59:15.120 that you didn't...

00:59:15.660 Huh?

00:59:17.720 Whoa?

00:59:18.800 Huh?

00:59:19.620 Oh my God, man.

00:59:20.380 That's the only way they would know.

00:59:22.320 Fuck, man.

00:59:23.440 I didn't know I was so fucked up, man,

00:59:24.960 until you came in here today.

00:59:25.100 Yeah, you do.

00:59:26.040 Yeah, you do.

00:59:26.580 I really didn't.

00:59:27.440 You do.

00:59:28.100 I didn't have the insider track, man.

00:59:29.780 You do.

00:59:30.480 I really didn't, though.

00:59:32.220 I really didn't, man.

00:59:34.380 I'm not going to sit here

00:59:35.400 and try to talk you into that masterpiece.

00:59:37.380 It's one of my...

00:59:38.060 It might be my favorite thing he's done.

00:59:39.220 That's what you said.

00:59:39.880 That's unbelievable to me.

00:59:40.760 You remember that show?

00:59:41.280 Remember that movie, Dream Team?

00:59:43.260 Probably one of the best movies ever.

00:59:44.380 Remember Michael Keaton?

00:59:46.540 I love Michael Keaton.

00:59:47.580 What was the Dream Team?

00:59:48.480 Will you show the picture of that?

00:59:49.440 I've seen everything from Mr. Mom

00:59:51.040 and the thing he did about

00:59:52.220 when he was trying to run

00:59:53.280 the American car-making company.

00:59:55.340 Oh, wow.

00:59:55.980 That was a great one.

00:59:56.940 I know what you're talking about.

00:59:57.620 Hold That Tiger, that one,

00:59:58.700 when he has the light in the middle.

01:00:01.700 No, that's Kevin Costner was in that.

01:00:03.420 No, that was Tucker with...

01:00:04.660 Tucker, that was good.

01:00:05.700 Yeah.

01:00:06.180 How good was that?

01:00:07.000 Tim Robbins.

01:00:07.480 They should remake that.

01:00:08.360 There you go, right there.

01:00:10.780 I never saw that one.

01:00:12.120 Oh, probably one of the top

01:00:13.620 20 or 30 films ever, I think.

01:00:15.640 It's in color, too.

01:00:17.160 Dream Team.

01:00:18.080 It's about four guys.

01:00:19.340 They're in a mental health facility

01:00:20.620 and they finally get tickets

01:00:21.540 to a baseball game.

01:00:23.680 Oh, I never saw that one.

01:00:24.940 I've seen most of his films.

01:00:26.280 You ever see Founder?

01:00:28.220 Is that about the dog that dies?

01:00:29.940 Nope, that's about McDonald's.

01:00:31.480 Oh, yeah.

01:00:32.300 Oh, my God.

01:00:33.100 Yeah.

01:00:34.220 You saw that, right?

01:00:35.000 You like that one?

01:00:35.620 It was so good.

01:00:36.100 There you go.

01:00:36.700 You didn't walk out.

01:00:37.540 You didn't feel like...

01:00:38.340 See that...

01:00:38.840 I understand fast food.

01:00:41.940 That one did it.

01:00:42.480 I like this one.

01:00:45.060 Too much talking.

01:00:46.640 Can't handle.

01:00:49.160 It was like...

01:00:49.720 If there was subtitles,

01:00:51.060 I could see why you wouldn't

01:00:51.940 fucking enjoy it.

01:00:52.760 That one did it for me, bro.

01:00:54.120 That Founder was so good.

01:00:55.480 There you go.

01:00:55.660 See, I love something

01:00:56.400 that has, I think,

01:00:56.960 more of like Glory.

01:00:58.540 Remember that movie Glory

01:00:59.360 about the slave fight

01:01:00.340 from 19...

01:01:01.940 No, from 1700.

01:01:04.520 Wasn't that a Denzel movie?

01:01:05.920 Matthew Broderick,

01:01:06.760 Denzel Washington,

01:01:07.740 Damon Wayans.

01:01:08.880 So I don't think Theo

01:01:10.040 likes Slice of Life

01:01:11.100 because from what I've heard,

01:01:12.500 that was Once Upon a Time

01:01:13.340 in Hollywood,

01:01:13.820 not a ton of narrative arc,

01:01:15.440 just them.

01:01:15.720 That's not Slice of Life.

01:01:17.260 That's what people are saying.

01:01:18.340 That's what people are saying, Bill.

01:01:19.340 It is Slice of Life.

01:01:20.220 Yeah, they're just living.

01:01:21.380 Can we look up the definition?

01:01:22.920 I didn't know what it...

01:01:23.880 Yeah, we look up Slice of Life again.

01:01:25.620 It was the Manson murders

01:01:26.780 with a happy ending.

01:01:27.840 That was the backdrop, but...

01:01:29.660 Yeah, I liked...

01:01:31.820 I just like how he took

01:01:33.240 all the fear

01:01:34.000 out of the Manson family.

01:01:35.280 He's just like,

01:01:35.560 there's a bunch of stupid

01:01:36.500 fucking hippies

01:01:37.320 who killed a bunch of

01:01:39.400 creative, talented people

01:01:41.040 in the prime of their lives

01:01:42.300 and then the other people

01:01:44.400 who weren't in show business

01:01:45.220 down the street

01:01:45.800 that he didn't seem to cover.

01:01:50.460 I know we talked about this before,

01:01:52.380 Bill, off just on the phone,

01:01:54.240 but do you...

01:01:55.340 I have a tough time

01:01:56.720 with giving away

01:01:57.860 when I do a special

01:01:59.120 and that sort of thing

01:01:59.700 like doing,

01:02:00.980 giving away the audio,

01:02:01.940 all of that kind of stuff.

01:02:02.740 I kind of just,

01:02:03.340 I guess,

01:02:03.900 not like letting go

01:02:04.820 of my material, but...

01:02:05.760 I mean, you treasure the audio.

01:02:07.480 Right.

01:02:08.060 Why would you...

01:02:09.120 Why would you...

01:02:09.780 Yeah, I would not.

01:02:12.020 But did you ever feel like that?

01:02:13.400 I'm sure...

01:02:13.740 Because you always seem

01:02:14.840 like the guy

01:02:15.300 who's like wants

01:02:15.940 to do it his own way.

01:02:17.000 You know,

01:02:17.240 you have all things comedy.

01:02:18.140 You always seem like

01:02:18.680 the guy that wants to...

01:02:19.820 Oh, I have that

01:02:20.440 with a bunch of other people.

01:02:21.600 So that's me working

01:02:22.640 with other people.

01:02:23.980 Right.

01:02:24.420 Yeah.

01:02:24.720 See, I opened it up

01:02:25.580 and look what happened.

01:02:26.240 And I'm putting out...

01:02:27.180 Jessica Kirsten's special

01:02:28.120 is coming out next.

01:02:28.880 Oh, really?

01:02:29.560 Ian Edwards is...

01:02:30.960 Ian Talk, yeah.

01:02:31.780 Yeah, Ian Talk is out right now.

01:02:34.580 We did one with Paul Verzi,

01:02:36.040 you know.

01:02:38.200 So, yeah.

01:02:39.200 But I do...

01:02:40.140 I work with a bunch of people.

01:02:41.380 Al Madrigo.

01:02:42.600 Yeah.

01:02:42.900 Mike Bertolino.

01:02:43.820 Yeah.

01:02:44.280 Mike's great, by the way.

01:02:45.340 Yes, he is.

01:02:46.080 Yes, he is.

01:02:47.580 Anyways,

01:02:48.360 what were you asking me?

01:02:49.460 Just did you have a tough time?

01:02:50.620 Like, I guess...

01:02:51.520 I don't know.

01:02:51.940 Sometimes I just have

01:02:52.440 a tough time with that.

01:02:53.160 I just have a tough time with, like...

01:02:54.800 Just feeling like I'm getting

01:02:55.680 taken advantage of constantly,

01:02:57.100 I guess,

01:02:57.540 is what it is.

01:02:58.680 Yeah, at some point...

01:03:00.040 It's basically...

01:03:02.840 You know how a fighter

01:03:05.080 knows how to take a punch?

01:03:06.620 I mean, that's the best you can do.

01:03:08.400 Because it's coming.

01:03:09.980 It's coming.

01:03:10.660 There's always going to be, like...

01:03:12.180 It's very rare, you know,

01:03:14.960 that, you know, somebody...

01:03:16.760 There's always the bullshit

01:03:18.600 that you're going to have

01:03:19.320 to wade through.

01:03:19.900 So what you need to get...

01:03:20.580 You need to get a really good lawyer.

01:03:21.940 And you have to be willing to walk.

01:03:24.840 Those are two huge things.

01:03:26.540 And then you just kind of go from there

01:03:28.060 and you got to go with your gut.

01:03:29.520 And sometimes they get you,

01:03:30.780 sometimes they don't.

01:03:32.800 But it is not a...

01:03:35.540 You know, business is not a fun experience.

01:03:38.100 Yeah.

01:03:38.440 Just put it that way.

01:03:39.200 It is just like lying and stealing

01:03:40.880 are probably the two number one commandments

01:03:42.700 broken every fucking 90th of a second.

01:03:46.900 It's so...

01:03:48.080 That's what it is.

01:03:48.600 Which is what's so funny

01:03:49.640 about this whole dialogue out there.

01:03:53.200 This...

01:03:53.420 What do they call it?

01:03:54.540 That's going on out there

01:03:55.620 about how, you know,

01:03:57.040 men move through the world.

01:03:58.920 Right.

01:03:59.200 You just basically...

01:03:59.980 The doors fly open and stuff.

01:04:01.500 It's like, no, dude.

01:04:02.260 It is a...

01:04:02.960 It is a...

01:04:03.880 It's a fuck party.

01:04:06.000 They're trying to get your face down.

01:04:07.980 Every fucking thing you walk in...

01:04:09.600 That whole thing that, like,

01:04:10.760 there's, like...

01:04:12.180 That as a guy,

01:04:13.200 you're immune...

01:04:14.260 Oh, it's horrible.

01:04:14.960 To this fucking...

01:04:16.680 Yeah, dude.

01:04:17.260 The amount of times

01:04:17.980 I've almost just quit this business.

01:04:20.220 The only reason why I didn't

01:04:21.380 was because I realized that, like...

01:04:24.280 It's like, well,

01:04:25.540 I'm just going to get into another business

01:04:27.140 and it's going to be the same way.

01:04:28.560 Right.

01:04:29.260 You know what I mean?

01:04:29.760 It's just the nature of business.

01:04:30.540 The nature of business

01:04:31.600 is that there's just...

01:04:33.660 Yeah.

01:04:34.580 Yeah.

01:04:35.040 People are going to fucking

01:04:36.060 try to put your face down in their desk.

01:04:38.640 And if you let them...

01:04:40.120 Look, I'll tell you this.

01:04:41.180 If you do a little bit of, you know, gambling,

01:04:45.020 if you like to get out there

01:04:46.420 at the late night hours

01:04:47.600 and lay a little wager down

01:04:49.280 on something fancy, you know.

01:04:51.280 Maybe they got a...

01:04:52.560 A whamaraner is going to do a run...

01:04:55.360 Is running uphill against a beagle.

01:04:57.800 You know, and you want to lay

01:04:58.880 a few shillings on it.

01:05:00.880 Well, you can.

01:05:02.380 Maybe you got a shrimp

01:05:03.520 and a seahorse want to rassle.

01:05:05.820 And you can do that in the yard

01:05:07.220 and make you a little money.

01:05:09.200 But at the end of a hard week,

01:05:10.600 it's great to sit down,

01:05:12.280 take some time off,

01:05:13.180 and to watch football,

01:05:14.780 a more popular competition.

01:05:17.480 Do the smart thing when you do it

01:05:19.160 and go to mybookie.ag.

01:05:22.420 No one gives you more ways to win

01:05:24.060 than they do.

01:05:24.900 Mybookie...

01:05:25.420 I just accidentally...

01:05:26.660 accidentally laid a wager last week.

01:05:29.000 I bet...

01:05:29.720 I wanted to bet

01:05:30.380 the New Orleans Saints

01:05:31.340 and that they get 10 wins.

01:05:34.540 Accidentally bet

01:05:35.620 they get under 10 wins.

01:05:37.900 Next thing you know,

01:05:38.600 Drew Brees goes down

01:05:39.740 and I got a shot.

01:05:41.800 So I got a shot.

01:05:42.960 Accidental.

01:05:43.560 But maybe you can do

01:05:44.940 better than I can.

01:05:46.580 Don't forget where you're betting

01:05:48.060 is just as important

01:05:49.260 as who you're betting on.

01:05:50.420 You don't want to be betting

01:05:51.240 on one of these places.

01:05:52.220 They're not real.

01:05:52.980 And it's just a lady at her house

01:05:54.220 counting all your money.

01:05:55.640 You know?

01:05:56.520 If you're the kind of guy

01:05:57.400 that likes to bet a little

01:05:58.280 and win a lot,

01:05:59.540 try a parlay.

01:06:00.820 If your picks come through,

01:06:01.840 you multiply your winnings.

01:06:02.980 That's how you do it.

01:06:04.320 Join now.

01:06:04.960 Get mybookie.

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01:06:08.860 a certain amount,

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01:06:11.260 It's like a 401k for gambling.

01:06:13.740 Use promo code Theo

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01:06:33.020 Use code Theo.

01:06:34.020 This past weekend

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01:07:53.120 slash Theo Vaughn.

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01:07:56.080 go to Skillshare.com

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01:08:02.260 slash Theo Vaughn.

01:08:03.700 Get a skill

01:08:04.460 and get out there.

01:08:06.440 I'll give you one.

01:08:07.420 There's even fuckovers

01:08:08.380 on little shit.

01:08:09.400 Watch your rider

01:08:10.260 on the road.

01:08:12.060 Don't have a bunch

01:08:13.580 of shit on your rider

01:08:14.580 because they're going

01:08:15.360 to go out

01:08:15.860 and they're going

01:08:16.240 to buy all of it

01:08:17.020 in the biggest size

01:08:18.060 and overcharge you

01:08:19.300 and you're not going

01:08:20.200 to consume it

01:08:20.880 and then they're going

01:08:21.420 to take it home themselves.

01:08:22.700 Jesus.

01:08:23.360 Yeah.

01:08:24.160 Which is why my rider

01:08:25.260 is like bottled waters

01:08:26.480 in a salad

01:08:27.160 with the protein.

01:08:28.340 Yeah.

01:08:28.960 You know?

01:08:29.440 I got blueberries

01:08:30.240 and a little bit

01:08:31.100 of cut turkey

01:08:31.780 from the deli.

01:08:32.640 Yeah.

01:08:32.900 That's what you want to do

01:08:33.740 but if you start having like

01:08:35.080 lamb or something.

01:08:36.540 Liquor and all.

01:08:37.400 No, I'm just talking like

01:08:38.300 you know,

01:08:38.520 I want these candies.

01:08:39.600 I want this.

01:08:40.180 They're going to buy

01:08:40.580 the Halloween fucking pack.

01:08:42.240 Shellfish.

01:08:42.440 And that right there

01:08:43.260 will be a way

01:08:44.100 to fucking skim

01:08:45.300 200 bucks from you.

01:08:46.400 Yeah.

01:08:47.180 That's just at

01:08:48.000 that fucking level.

01:08:49.620 Forget about

01:08:50.260 all the other shit.

01:08:51.580 You know,

01:08:51.940 you get in with promoters

01:08:52.920 and they double,

01:08:53.740 triple,

01:08:54.160 quadruple fucking dip.

01:08:56.800 It's.

01:08:58.140 Yeah.

01:08:58.460 It makes me so mad sometimes.

01:08:59.880 Did you ever have to.

01:09:00.700 You can't because.

01:09:02.000 Because then it makes it

01:09:02.520 hard for me to do my work

01:09:03.420 because I get so fucking mad

01:09:05.100 having to be my own

01:09:06.280 business person sometimes.

01:09:07.440 You know what I'm saying?

01:09:07.900 Like or having to feel

01:09:08.700 like I'm getting.

01:09:09.740 I don't know.

01:09:10.660 It just makes me angry.

01:09:11.260 You can't take it.

01:09:13.600 The problem I have

01:09:15.080 is that the people

01:09:15.640 who do it sleep at night.

01:09:17.840 Comfortably.

01:09:18.260 They're just like,

01:09:18.720 you know,

01:09:19.140 I mean,

01:09:19.400 that's how business is done.

01:09:20.520 This is how we

01:09:22.260 tell me to do business.

01:09:23.840 It's like,

01:09:24.360 that's how you do business.

01:09:25.040 You can't do business

01:09:25.720 unless you're just

01:09:26.220 fucking somebody over

01:09:27.200 and stealing from them.

01:09:28.920 Yeah,

01:09:29.320 man.

01:09:29.440 How do you feel

01:09:30.000 when you sit

01:09:30.580 in your fucking hot tub?

01:09:32.300 I don't know.

01:09:32.700 Whatever.

01:09:32.860 I got fucking issues

01:09:33.600 in other areas.

01:09:34.480 Yeah.

01:09:34.940 Did I love the line

01:09:35.580 from your special

01:09:36.160 about the lady

01:09:38.180 in the hot tub?

01:09:38.880 You're like,

01:09:39.080 you're fucking sitting

01:09:39.940 right there next to me.

01:09:41.400 Oh,

01:09:41.520 yeah.

01:09:41.640 The way white women

01:09:42.420 have divorced themselves

01:09:43.580 from their own white privilege.

01:09:45.080 Bro,

01:09:45.300 I fell off

01:09:46.600 of my couch

01:09:47.420 and you said that.

01:09:47.920 Swung their Gucci boot

01:09:48.780 over the other side

01:09:49.600 of the fence

01:09:50.060 to be victims

01:09:50.780 is fucking hilarious.

01:09:52.760 Let's take a question

01:09:53.600 right here.

01:09:53.980 We got another one.

01:09:54.700 Speaking of a white guy

01:09:55.680 right here

01:09:55.980 with all his fucking

01:09:56.640 privilege

01:09:57.240 sending this in.

01:09:59.980 Hey,

01:10:00.220 Bill,

01:10:00.480 Theo,

01:10:00.720 this is Luke.

01:10:01.540 Hey,

01:10:01.800 Theo,

01:10:02.080 I was just wondering

01:10:02.520 if you've ever

01:10:03.140 flown in a helicopter.

01:10:04.980 Bill,

01:10:05.220 would you take him up?

01:10:06.880 That would be

01:10:07.320 kind of a fun

01:10:07.960 little trip.

01:10:09.140 And Bill,

01:10:09.440 I know you're working

01:10:09.960 on your instrument rating.

01:10:11.620 Keep plugging at it,

01:10:12.620 man.

01:10:12.760 I'm an instrument

01:10:13.440 and a commercially rated

01:10:14.700 fixed wing pilot.

01:10:16.080 So I know

01:10:16.720 what you're going through.

01:10:17.580 Just hit that far aim,

01:10:18.500 brother.

01:10:19.160 Take care.

01:10:21.240 I've never been in a helicopter.

01:10:22.400 I've been in like,

01:10:22.940 oh,

01:10:23.060 I've been in a Blackhawk

01:10:23.860 one time actually

01:10:24.660 and I was doing a show

01:10:25.540 in Basra or something

01:10:27.660 and I got a blow job

01:10:29.100 on an unsecure airfield

01:10:30.900 from a female

01:10:32.220 and in the middle of the night

01:10:34.580 in a Blackhawk helicopter.

01:10:35.900 Praise God,

01:10:36.520 brother.

01:10:37.180 Well,

01:10:37.320 there you go.

01:10:38.060 So yes,

01:10:38.500 he's been in a helicopter.

01:10:39.600 So I have been in one,

01:10:40.620 but only with a gun,

01:10:41.480 you know,

01:10:41.620 only when people had guns.

01:10:42.600 Do you keep a weapon

01:10:43.260 on yours or no?

01:10:44.360 On what?

01:10:44.980 In your,

01:10:46.780 I don't know

01:10:47.160 if you have a helicopter

01:10:47.820 or if you rent a helicopter.

01:10:48.800 Do I really have to answer that?

01:10:49.840 He knows goddamn well

01:10:50.620 I don't have a weapon.

01:10:51.300 Why are you doing this?

01:10:52.780 You don't?

01:10:53.980 You don't have a gun?

01:10:54.840 I don't think it's,

01:10:55.480 I don't think it's obtuse really

01:10:57.740 to think you might have

01:10:58.300 a weapon in there with you.

01:11:00.740 Think about it.

01:11:01.940 Yeah,

01:11:02.180 think about it.

01:11:02.840 Okay,

01:11:03.320 all right.

01:11:03.660 You think about it.

01:11:04.380 All right.

01:11:06.340 All right,

01:11:06.980 man.

01:11:07.780 Just a small gun,

01:11:09.060 dude,

01:11:09.200 just a handpiece.

01:11:11.100 Yeah,

01:11:11.380 no.

01:11:11.600 Okay.

01:11:12.720 Fine.

01:11:13.380 Fine,

01:11:13.700 Bill.

01:11:15.260 That's just a fucking

01:11:16.380 ridiculous question.

01:11:18.080 You're bringing a whoosie up there

01:11:19.520 when you fly?

01:11:20.440 Fly is a hobby.

01:11:21.720 Here's another question

01:11:22.460 about Bill's interests.

01:11:24.360 That guy looks like me a little bit.

01:11:25.540 Hey,

01:11:25.780 Theo.

01:11:26.220 Hey,

01:11:26.440 Bill.

01:11:27.800 Hey.

01:11:28.160 Theo,

01:11:28.400 I'm really looking forward

01:11:29.300 to seeing you

01:11:29.840 in a couple weeks.

01:11:31.740 The Rat Pack's

01:11:32.480 going to see their

01:11:33.220 Lord and Savior

01:11:34.480 in Bethlehem,

01:11:35.800 Pennsylvania.

01:11:36.760 Praise to God,

01:11:37.640 brother.

01:11:37.940 Praise to God.

01:11:38.360 I'm currently smoking

01:11:39.360 a Sir Robert Peel.

01:11:41.580 Slobbering all over it.

01:11:43.140 That name's pretty pretentious,

01:11:44.960 but onward.

01:11:46.620 Bill.

01:11:47.440 Yes.

01:11:47.840 My question to you

01:11:48.740 is in smoking

01:11:49.900 these Nick Sticks,

01:11:51.300 it's been my experience

01:11:52.860 that the group of people,

01:11:54.860 the subculture,

01:11:56.000 there's less knuckleheads.

01:11:57.920 Yes.

01:11:58.360 Is that your experience?

01:11:59.500 Yes.

01:11:59.900 And what's your favorite

01:12:00.800 cigar and or brand?

01:12:03.400 Gang Gang.

01:12:04.200 All right.

01:12:05.060 Yeah.

01:12:05.720 That's what it is.

01:12:06.600 The conversation,

01:12:07.520 the people you hang with.

01:12:08.460 I don't think I've,

01:12:10.660 there's got to be one or two.

01:12:12.740 I don't think I've ever met

01:12:13.380 a cigar smoker

01:12:14.060 who wasn't fucking cool

01:12:15.100 and chill.

01:12:15.700 Chris Carter smokes them.

01:12:16.960 He's on that television show.

01:12:18.940 Yeah.

01:12:19.360 A lot of athletes smoke them.

01:12:21.800 My favorite one right now,

01:12:23.660 I love those La Aurora's

01:12:25.280 that come in those

01:12:25.900 torpedo-like tubes.

01:12:27.520 And I was an emerald guy.

01:12:29.000 Now I like the Sapphire.

01:12:30.820 The Sapphire,

01:12:31.540 that is my,

01:12:32.640 that's my go-to.

01:12:34.320 I love La Aurora's cigars.

01:12:35.920 They got these little ones

01:12:36.760 that call them Zeppelins.

01:12:37.820 They come 20 to a box

01:12:39.340 looking like a little mini,

01:12:41.180 you know.

01:12:42.180 Can you smoke them at night?

01:12:43.320 When do you smoke them?

01:12:43.920 In the morning?

01:12:44.320 What's the earliest you'll smoke?

01:12:45.440 Do you have a little bit

01:12:46.040 of a culture for yourself?

01:12:48.640 Well,

01:12:49.100 I'm trying to lay off them

01:12:50.160 so I kind of like,

01:12:51.040 you know,

01:12:51.260 what I try to do

01:12:52.220 is because I have

01:12:52.720 so many friends that smoke

01:12:54.000 that I try to get

01:12:55.260 a large group together.

01:12:56.460 Rather than smoke

01:12:57.380 with all of eight people

01:12:58.700 individually,

01:12:59.860 I try to get all of us

01:13:00.880 together

01:13:01.280 so I just smoke once.

01:13:04.780 But,

01:13:05.180 I got a back porch

01:13:07.200 I like to go out to

01:13:08.140 but there's like

01:13:08.740 this fucking psycho-level

01:13:10.060 mosquito out here now

01:13:11.360 that if you go out there

01:13:12.920 at night,

01:13:14.520 like even if you got

01:13:15.880 clothes on it,

01:13:16.600 like fucking goes

01:13:17.360 right through your clothes.

01:13:18.600 Oh wow,

01:13:19.020 I haven't heard of that.

01:13:19.840 Yeah,

01:13:20.120 it's fucking brutal.

01:13:20.900 And do you and the,

01:13:21.340 does your wife smoke them

01:13:22.080 too sometimes or no?

01:13:23.820 No,

01:13:24.260 no,

01:13:24.480 no,

01:13:24.580 she doesn't.

01:13:24.980 My wife's cool as shit.

01:13:25.940 She's all right with it.

01:13:26.820 Like,

01:13:27.320 she sees me all like wound up.

01:13:28.540 She goes,

01:13:28.720 why don't you go smoke a cigar?

01:13:29.780 Oh wow.

01:13:30.460 Yeah,

01:13:31.180 go do some stand-up.

01:13:32.180 I think you need to go

01:13:32.740 do some stand-up.

01:13:33.700 Like,

01:13:33.920 she kind of like manages my,

01:13:35.400 like I start bouncing around

01:13:36.300 the fucking house like,

01:13:37.680 do you need to go out tonight?

01:13:38.780 Like,

01:13:38.960 what's going on with you?

01:13:39.720 I go,

01:13:39.840 probably.

01:13:41.160 And that's what I have to do.

01:13:41.820 I get in the car

01:13:42.360 and I fucking put on some ACDC,

01:13:45.100 fantasize that I'm in the band.

01:13:46.600 Yeah.

01:13:47.420 Singing this lyrics

01:13:48.340 and then when Angus starts playing

01:13:49.880 then I'm Angus.

01:13:51.120 Whoever's doing the most

01:13:51.920 interesting shit during the song

01:13:53.140 is how self-involved I am

01:13:54.220 as I'm fantasizing

01:13:55.200 as I drive down the road.

01:13:56.600 And then I go down to the store

01:13:57.700 and whatever,

01:13:58.500 I do some stand-up

01:13:59.200 and then I come back

01:14:00.020 and then I'm more chill.

01:14:02.900 But yeah,

01:14:03.660 I try to,

01:14:04.520 I'm trying to smoke like

01:14:06.020 once every two weeks.

01:14:06.980 Oh,

01:14:07.080 that's good.

01:14:07.680 Yeah,

01:14:07.880 but I'm not doing that.

01:14:09.000 Did,

01:14:09.300 did you like take to it right away?

01:14:12.560 Cause like.

01:14:13.320 No.

01:14:14.080 So you like forced yourself

01:14:15.400 to like cigars.

01:14:15.700 No,

01:14:15.720 you know what happened to me?

01:14:16.340 I was on a movie

01:14:17.140 and I bought a box of cigars

01:14:18.780 for everybody

01:14:19.300 cause we were going on a boat.

01:14:22.220 The director was taking us out

01:14:23.700 to go on this little boat ride

01:14:24.760 around,

01:14:25.400 I think we were in Boston.

01:14:27.300 And,

01:14:27.660 it was just too many non-smokers there

01:14:30.720 and to just bust out 10

01:14:31.980 and everybody smoking

01:14:32.800 would have been obnoxious.

01:14:33.900 So,

01:14:34.660 I kept saying to the other actors,

01:14:35.920 we're going to hang,

01:14:36.380 we're going to hang,

01:14:36.940 right?

01:14:37.120 Blah,

01:14:37.280 blah,

01:14:37.380 blah,

01:14:37.520 blah.

01:14:37.700 And we just,

01:14:38.060 it just didn't happen.

01:14:38.880 And then I,

01:14:39.180 I didn't want to throw them out

01:14:40.180 and then I had them

01:14:40.960 and I was like,

01:14:42.260 fuck.

01:14:42.580 And I never smoking a cigar

01:14:43.760 by myself

01:14:44.480 and I made the mistake

01:14:45.740 is I went out to my back porch

01:14:47.680 by myself

01:14:48.520 and smoked one

01:14:49.940 and there's just.

01:14:50.340 Create that habit.

01:14:51.760 Well,

01:14:52.000 when you smoke a cigar,

01:14:53.420 even if you haven't done shit

01:14:54.700 that day,

01:14:55.200 you feel like you conquered

01:14:56.160 a country.

01:14:56.860 Oh,

01:14:57.080 wow.

01:14:57.300 It's because it's something,

01:14:58.320 it's inherently obnoxious

01:14:59.600 but it's delicious

01:15:01.060 and it's relaxing

01:15:02.040 and I was just like,

01:15:03.360 I just instantly,

01:15:04.360 in that moment,

01:15:06.260 I was like,

01:15:07.020 I get this,

01:15:07.840 this is fucking amazing.

01:15:10.260 And,

01:15:10.740 it took a little while

01:15:12.800 after that for it to hold

01:15:13.840 but it's been pretty bad

01:15:14.780 for the last five years.

01:15:15.880 So just keep trying

01:15:16.700 and I can get addicted.

01:15:17.780 Well,

01:15:17.980 I mean,

01:15:18.200 you can do it.

01:15:19.440 Did you ever do plug tobacco?

01:15:20.720 Did you ever do anything like that?

01:15:21.640 No,

01:15:21.820 I never smoked.

01:15:22.340 That's the thing,

01:15:22.900 I never smoked.

01:15:23.500 I never smoked weed,

01:15:24.220 never did any of that shit.

01:15:25.500 Chewing tobacco?

01:15:26.520 Nope,

01:15:27.280 never did it.

01:15:28.040 I was that kid

01:15:28.740 that when they came to school,

01:15:29.760 if I could just reach one kid,

01:15:31.240 I was the guy that got reached.

01:15:33.140 Wow.

01:15:35.240 Yeah,

01:15:35.560 that's somewhere in my late 30s,

01:15:38.120 I think I finally was just like,

01:15:39.300 am I never going to know

01:15:40.100 what it feels like to be stoned?

01:15:41.260 So I took a hit.

01:15:41.980 So occasionally,

01:15:42.580 I do that.

01:15:44.560 You and the wife

01:15:45.140 will roll up a little blunt or no?

01:15:46.800 Sometime,

01:15:47.160 if it's a special occasion,

01:15:47.960 maybe an anniversary or something?

01:15:50.620 Yeah,

01:15:51.040 maybe,

01:15:51.620 maybe,

01:15:51.980 not really though,

01:15:52.840 not really.

01:15:53.860 Certainly,

01:15:54.280 certainly not a blunt.

01:15:55.480 I mean,

01:15:55.680 we're pretty like,

01:15:56.580 we just fucking,

01:15:57.680 we hang out.

01:15:59.480 She's cool as shit,

01:16:00.260 so we sat there last,

01:16:01.220 what's cool right now,

01:16:02.040 she,

01:16:02.220 you know,

01:16:02.400 she watches Real Housewives,

01:16:03.420 which usually drives me nuts,

01:16:04.840 but there's one woman on there

01:16:06.000 who's so funny

01:16:06.940 and just trashes.

01:16:08.860 Which season is it?

01:16:10.020 I don't know what it is,

01:16:10.860 but she just says,

01:16:11.620 she was at dinner

01:16:12.240 and this woman was just

01:16:12.940 running her yaps.

01:16:13.840 She goes,

01:16:13.980 you know what,

01:16:14.520 it's funny that she used

01:16:15.620 the word freaking.

01:16:16.760 She goes,

01:16:17.000 no,

01:16:17.160 you're a freaking cunt.

01:16:19.520 And they all gasped.

01:16:23.460 She just fucking called her a cunt.

01:16:25.240 I was like,

01:16:25.640 I like this.

01:16:26.560 And she just,

01:16:27.260 she just doesn't,

01:16:28.080 oh,

01:16:28.320 fuck her,

01:16:28.760 she's a dumbass.

01:16:29.940 She's not even hurt.

01:16:30.920 Some bullshit happened.

01:16:31.820 She goes,

01:16:32.080 I guarantee you she goes

01:16:32.980 to the emergency room

01:16:33.720 and the chick went

01:16:34.340 to the emergency room

01:16:35.100 and she literally went,

01:16:36.080 she went,

01:16:36.400 I called it.

01:16:37.340 I called it.

01:16:38.040 She sounded like my friends

01:16:38.900 that watch sports.

01:16:39.700 So the fact that she's on there,

01:16:43.360 I think it's going to increase

01:16:45.380 their male viewership

01:16:46.700 because other than that,

01:16:48.600 it's just,

01:16:49.120 it's just,

01:16:49.840 I can't,

01:16:50.320 I mean,

01:16:50.660 they're just screaming

01:16:51.480 and yelling at each other

01:16:52.580 and then they,

01:16:53.000 then even worse,

01:16:53.860 then they got to work it out.

01:16:55.120 Yeah.

01:16:55.660 And they're always crying

01:16:56.660 in the,

01:16:57.860 and they're so rich.

01:16:59.200 Well,

01:16:59.580 at least they try to look rich,

01:17:01.180 but they're also like

01:17:01.860 always trying to like

01:17:02.640 do something spiritual.

01:17:04.640 Yeah.

01:17:05.500 Yeah,

01:17:05.860 they're always getting crystals

01:17:07.000 or something

01:17:07.660 or trying to go to Sedona

01:17:08.840 for the weekend.

01:17:09.440 Yeah,

01:17:09.460 that bored,

01:17:09.960 rich white chick

01:17:10.840 fucking,

01:17:11.880 it's got a,

01:17:13.320 it's,

01:17:13.640 yeah.

01:17:13.880 I don't know what they're doing

01:17:14.900 and they have just,

01:17:15.880 their clothes are a lot,

01:17:17.920 the makeup's a lot,

01:17:19.100 the boats,

01:17:19.580 the whole thing is just,

01:17:20.720 everything is just extra.

01:17:22.320 Yeah.

01:17:22.840 So,

01:17:23.480 there's always been,

01:17:25.040 the rich have always

01:17:25.820 really driven me nuts,

01:17:26.940 I felt like,

01:17:27.720 because I feel like

01:17:28.300 that's one thing

01:17:28.820 that's fun to grow up with

01:17:29.860 if you don't grow up with money

01:17:30.600 is having that,

01:17:31.140 that arch nemesis in

01:17:32.480 just the rich in general.

01:17:34.700 You know,

01:17:34.860 like we used to have.

01:17:35.220 That can turn into self-sabotage,

01:17:37.280 so be careful about that.

01:17:38.340 Don't feel guilty about it

01:17:40.260 and like,

01:17:40.960 there's a lot of cool people.

01:17:43.460 I did a private party one time

01:17:45.260 for a self-made billionaire.

01:17:47.380 Wow.

01:17:47.820 Him and his two brothers

01:17:48.700 all became billionaires

01:17:49.820 in three different areas

01:17:51.200 and like,

01:17:53.560 I met the guy

01:17:54.320 and like,

01:17:54.680 I didn't do well

01:17:55.300 at the party either.

01:17:56.240 I was doing,

01:17:56.880 I opened with the Michelle Obama bit.

01:17:59.180 And you know,

01:17:59.820 it was like a real liberal crowd

01:18:01.260 and was not,

01:18:03.720 it was not the best way to go.

01:18:05.400 That's a bad choice,

01:18:05.820 yeah.

01:18:06.380 And,

01:18:06.740 but he was sitting there

01:18:07.740 in the middle,

01:18:08.140 big smile looking around.

01:18:09.300 He fucking loved it.

01:18:10.160 And afterwards,

01:18:10.820 when I met him,

01:18:12.180 I was just like,

01:18:12.820 hey,

01:18:13.480 but he was both going like,

01:18:14.700 he goes,

01:18:14.900 no,

01:18:15.000 that was great.

01:18:15.500 It was great.

01:18:15.880 I was like,

01:18:16.060 sorry about the,

01:18:16.600 you know,

01:18:16.960 Obama thing kind of started off bad

01:18:18.500 and he just goes,

01:18:19.720 he goes,

01:18:19.900 no,

01:18:20.020 I think it was cool.

01:18:20.820 I mean,

01:18:21.380 I like the stuff he was saying.

01:18:23.620 I think he was saying

01:18:24.240 a lot of stuff

01:18:24.660 that needs to be heard.

01:18:25.660 And he just was the coolest guy ever.

01:18:27.780 And then I was asking him

01:18:28.700 where he was from

01:18:29.480 and he,

01:18:29.900 it turned out,

01:18:30.340 you know,

01:18:30.520 I had,

01:18:30.820 you know,

01:18:31.520 great,

01:18:31.840 great,

01:18:32.020 great,

01:18:32.240 great,

01:18:32.680 you know,

01:18:32.940 grandfathers that grew up

01:18:34.640 in the same area and shit.

01:18:35.640 It just ended up being really cool.

01:18:37.640 And so you do meet like a lot,

01:18:39.120 it's like when people say the LA,

01:18:40.620 it's just a bunch of phony plastic people.

01:18:42.420 And then you come out here

01:18:43.140 and you,

01:18:43.540 there's a lot of really fucking,

01:18:45.740 there's a lot of really plastic phony people,

01:18:47.200 but there's also all these really cool people.

01:18:48.940 So it just depends on how you're going to look at it.

01:18:50.700 Yeah.

01:18:51.260 Yeah.

01:18:51.580 Maybe my perspective sometimes.

01:18:53.040 I think,

01:18:53.500 well,

01:18:53.680 one thing definitely is I've made more money

01:18:55.340 even just in the past year,

01:18:56.280 I finally started making money,

01:18:57.380 you know,

01:18:57.780 and it's definitely been like,

01:18:59.480 yeah,

01:18:59.680 sometimes even in the beginning,

01:19:00.760 I've just even felt.

01:19:01.360 He's going to start yelling at himself

01:19:02.540 in the mirror like Leo

01:19:03.640 and the part before you walked out.

01:19:07.180 Was it really?

01:19:08.020 Did he do that?

01:19:08.240 Fucking piece of shit.

01:19:09.100 Yeah.

01:19:09.700 Oh,

01:19:10.020 he yells at himself in the mirror.

01:19:11.160 It's one of my favorite scenes.

01:19:12.960 Maybe I got to watch it again.

01:19:14.120 Yeah.

01:19:14.560 You,

01:19:14.840 you,

01:19:15.200 yeah,

01:19:15.500 you don't have to,

01:19:16.180 I don't want to force.

01:19:17.100 Well,

01:19:17.300 I'm not going to watch it

01:19:17.940 because you want me to watch it,

01:19:19.040 but I'll watch it maybe

01:19:19.740 because maybe I did miss something,

01:19:21.140 you know,

01:19:21.440 I just at a certain point,

01:19:22.480 I'm just like,

01:19:23.060 my favorite part of it was

01:19:24.360 that Brad Pitt had a little bit

01:19:25.880 of like a hitch in his walk a little bit.

01:19:27.620 If you notice that.

01:19:28.500 What about Leo

01:19:29.480 with the,

01:19:29.860 with the speech impediment

01:19:30.920 that only happened off.

01:19:33.700 I love how you just dismissed that.

01:19:35.480 Yeah.

01:19:35.900 Oh my God.

01:19:36.820 That's amazing.

01:19:37.500 That's what's amazing about

01:19:38.580 when somebody makes something

01:19:40.100 like people's reaction,

01:19:41.460 like,

01:19:42.060 oh my God,

01:19:42.600 this is the greatest thing ever.

01:19:43.480 Somebody else,

01:19:44.220 hey,

01:19:44.640 fucking walked out.

01:19:46.580 I get nervous.

01:19:47.620 The whole movie theater

01:19:48.560 was listening to my inner thoughts.

01:19:51.040 They care.

01:19:51.960 They care this much about me.

01:19:53.380 I don't think they care.

01:19:54.520 I fucking care.

01:19:55.560 In my head,

01:19:56.600 I care too much.

01:19:57.740 When I put the hat on,

01:19:58.600 that means I got to go.

01:19:59.580 That's fine.

01:19:59.940 I want to show you my truck.

01:20:01.280 All right.

01:20:01.860 So we can bond on something.

01:20:03.360 We can agree.

01:20:04.020 We missed the mark

01:20:05.080 on Mary Tyler Moore.

01:20:07.140 Yep.

01:20:07.820 You brought up something.

01:20:08.420 What about Family Man?

01:20:08.940 Have you seen that movie?

01:20:09.980 I've seen Family Guy.

01:20:11.500 Hmm.

01:20:12.660 What about The Nice Guys?

01:20:14.980 Mm-mm.

01:20:15.520 Oh,

01:20:16.020 you got to see that.

01:20:17.780 Okay.

01:20:18.280 You got to see that one.

01:20:19.080 That's a funny one.

01:20:19.960 Oh,

01:20:20.100 what's The Nice Guys?

01:20:20.820 No,

01:20:21.060 I don't know.

01:20:21.400 I think you're looking down.

01:20:22.620 You got your jaw out.

01:20:23.540 You got your jaw out.

01:20:24.300 It's very confrontation.

01:20:25.300 I'm feeling like you're not liking my suggestions.

01:20:27.240 I-

01:20:27.540 You just like it.

01:20:28.020 You like the-

01:20:28.660 Once upon a time in Hollywood,

01:20:30.680 this guy's dead to me.

01:20:31.660 He's dead to me.

01:20:32.920 Just to let you know,

01:20:33.760 I can't hear your inner thoughts,

01:20:34.780 so don't get all fucking weirded out.

01:20:37.500 You're crazy.

01:20:38.080 I feel like you're in my head, man.

01:20:39.380 Super quick.

01:20:40.420 I really do.

01:20:42.520 A lot of people ask this question,

01:20:44.320 and Mike Nucci on Patreon asked,

01:20:46.280 are you going to get another dog

01:20:48.880 once your daughter's older?

01:20:51.680 Yes.

01:20:52.800 And what a lot of people don't know

01:20:54.040 is my dog is still my dog.

01:20:55.720 I just-

01:20:56.300 Someone else watches her for me.

01:20:58.360 And that's a very convoluted contract

01:21:01.780 had to be drawn up

01:21:03.120 because I'm still liable

01:21:04.680 if the thing does something I think.

01:21:06.480 I don't know,

01:21:07.020 but I am still taking care of that dog.

01:21:09.800 She's going to be in town soon.

01:21:12.220 I still miss her.

01:21:13.500 I love hanging out with her,

01:21:14.940 but I'm not going to lie.

01:21:16.060 When I brought her around the house,

01:21:18.280 I had her on the leash

01:21:19.100 just because I was feeling guilty

01:21:20.420 that I got rid of her.

01:21:22.160 Gave her to somebody else.

01:21:23.720 When she saw my daughter,

01:21:26.240 she was cool,

01:21:28.280 but I didn't let her anywhere near her.

01:21:30.140 But then we set her down on the bed

01:21:31.800 where she used to be,

01:21:32.720 and she sort of glanced,

01:21:33.780 and I saw her ears go up and get fixated.

01:21:35.680 Normally, I'd give it a tug

01:21:36.720 just to kind of make her look at something else.

01:21:38.440 I'm like,

01:21:38.600 I'm going to see what she does.

01:21:39.720 And she looked at my cute little baby

01:21:41.580 and just went,

01:21:42.540 I'm like,

01:21:44.160 all right,

01:21:44.420 that's why you don't live here.

01:21:45.560 And I haven't had guilt about it ever since.

01:21:47.480 I still miss that dog tremendously,

01:21:49.200 but as my trainer said,

01:21:50.340 this is one of these dogs,

01:21:52.000 nature said no to,

01:21:53.700 people said yes to,

01:21:54.720 because even with his crazy skill set,

01:21:58.140 like it took him a year

01:21:59.000 just to have the dog

01:22:00.520 get used to all the other dogs

01:22:02.680 that it was living with now

01:22:04.260 and to become friends

01:22:05.320 with one of them sort of.

01:22:07.040 And he still has to watch

01:22:08.480 because the other thing about my dog

01:22:10.480 was like when she decided

01:22:12.520 that she was going for it,

01:22:13.780 she usually didn't do that.

01:22:15.560 She would just look,

01:22:16.580 make the decision,

01:22:17.560 and then just go.

01:22:18.260 So there was no warning.

01:22:19.600 And my trainer was going,

01:22:20.900 this is a top level predator.

01:22:23.080 So I was just like,

01:22:24.580 all right,

01:22:24.760 I'm having a baby.

01:22:25.660 I can't fucking do this.

01:22:27.260 Like a shark.

01:22:29.440 Yeah, dude.

01:22:30.280 It was,

01:22:31.080 and she's lightning.

01:22:32.120 Do you and the dog meet up

01:22:33.140 or like spend,

01:22:34.140 do you have to go?

01:22:34.340 Oh yeah,

01:22:34.880 yeah, yeah.

01:22:35.300 No,

01:22:35.540 she comes,

01:22:36.100 you know,

01:22:36.320 once every like six weeks,

01:22:38.300 you know,

01:22:39.380 the guy who has him

01:22:41.520 comes into LA.

01:22:43.500 Nice guy?

01:22:44.240 Boards.

01:22:44.520 Yeah, yeah.

01:22:45.020 It's a trainer.

01:22:45.900 The trainer, yeah.

01:22:46.740 So that's why I feel safe

01:22:47.660 with the arrangement.

01:22:48.860 So he brings her in

01:22:50.320 and then I take her for walks.

01:22:51.740 We have a great time

01:22:52.620 and all of that stuff

01:22:53.680 and you know,

01:22:55.580 she's getting older.

01:22:56.340 She's definitely,

01:22:56.860 since we let her go,

01:22:57.660 she's kind of slowed down

01:22:58.660 a little bit

01:22:59.200 but she's defied the laws

01:23:01.960 of like a thousand times

01:23:04.260 like a dog like that,

01:23:05.280 especially as a pit bull

01:23:06.140 would be put down

01:23:07.100 and you know,

01:23:11.020 somebody had her for a year,

01:23:12.420 just let her go.

01:23:13.480 We got her.

01:23:14.120 We had her for

01:23:15.100 2009 to the end of 2016.

01:23:18.680 So we had her

01:23:19.220 about eight and a half years.

01:23:20.920 Damn.

01:23:21.480 My math is wrong,

01:23:23.080 I think there.

01:23:23.960 Yeah, eight and a half years

01:23:25.060 and then he's had her

01:23:26.680 for like the last,

01:23:27.640 basically all of my daughter's life.

01:23:29.220 We gave her away

01:23:30.180 like a year before

01:23:30.740 my daughter was born.

01:23:33.400 Did your daughter

01:23:34.040 know about the dog?

01:23:35.440 No, no, no, no, no.

01:23:40.120 Yeah, I mean,

01:23:40.740 I'll tell her about her something.

01:23:41.900 The dog was crazy.

01:23:44.020 The dog was like a bouncer.

01:23:45.840 If you got grandfathered in

01:23:47.800 and you were cool

01:23:48.520 and then once you,

01:23:49.260 anything after that,

01:23:50.240 I was like,

01:23:50.500 no, who the fuck is this?

01:23:52.160 This person needs to be terminated.

01:23:53.860 Did you ever,

01:23:54.840 you ever donated sperm

01:23:56.000 or anything like that

01:23:56.800 when you were coming up

01:23:57.540 as a comedian?

01:23:58.340 Nope,

01:23:58.660 and I don't have a gun

01:23:59.380 in my helicopter,

01:24:00.200 but I want to thank you

01:24:00.980 for having me.

01:24:01.880 You bet.

01:24:02.360 And help me promote my special.

01:24:03.600 I just have to get home

01:24:04.420 because my kid's getting up

01:24:05.700 from the nap

01:24:06.140 and it's my watch.

01:24:07.140 I love it.

01:24:07.540 I love your attitude.

01:24:08.600 And I love everything

01:24:09.560 that you're doing.

01:24:10.140 I'm so happy for you

01:24:10.920 and all your success.

01:24:11.480 Oh, thanks, man.

01:24:11.800 You're always supportive.

01:24:12.760 You're doing it.

01:24:13.200 Just expand.

01:24:13.980 Don't be afraid

01:24:14.440 to get into business

01:24:14.980 with people.

01:24:15.440 Get a good lawyer.

01:24:16.180 All right?

01:24:16.540 I like you better, too.

01:24:17.600 All right, thanks, Bill.

01:24:18.380 Thank you.

01:24:19.460 Now I'm just floating

01:24:21.000 on the breeze

01:24:22.140 and I feel I'm falling

01:24:23.760 like these leaves

01:24:25.100 I must be

01:24:26.200 cornerstone

01:24:28.400 Oh,

01:24:31.220 but when I reach that ground

01:24:32.980 I'll share this peace of mind

01:24:35.160 I found

01:24:35.820 I can feel it

01:24:37.200 in my bones

01:24:39.320 But it's gonna take

01:24:42.240 A little time

01:24:44.980 For me to set that parking brake

01:24:48.840 And let myself unwind

01:24:51.620 Shine that light on me

01:24:55.600 I'll sit and tell you my stories

01:25:01.300 Shine on me

01:25:06.260 And I will find a song

01:25:10.500 I will sing it

01:25:12.040 Just for you

01:25:14.200 And now I've been moving way too fast

01:25:21.440 On a runaway train

01:25:22.840 With a heavy load of my

01:25:24.560 Ladies and gentlemen

01:25:29.200 I'm Jonathan Kite

01:25:30.400 And welcome to Kite Club

01:25:31.720 A podcast

01:25:32.640 Where I'll be sharing thoughts

01:25:33.960 On things like

01:25:34.660 Current events

01:25:35.380 Stand-up stories

01:25:36.600 And seven ways

01:25:37.700 To pleasure your partner

01:25:38.920 The answer may shock you

01:25:40.820 Sometimes I'll interview my friends

01:25:42.840 Sometimes I won't

01:25:44.160 And as always

01:25:45.700 I'll be joined by

01:25:46.520 The voices in my head

01:25:47.660 You have

01:25:48.520 Three new voice messages

01:25:50.520 A lot of people

01:25:51.980 Are talking about

01:25:52.880 Kite Club

01:25:53.540 I've been talking

01:25:54.600 About Kite Club

01:25:55.520 For so long

01:25:56.340 Longer than anybody else

01:25:57.980 So great

01:25:58.780 Aye

01:25:59.780 Swear

01:26:00.380 Here's a deal

01:26:01.820 Anyone who doesn't

01:26:03.320 Listen to Kite Club

01:26:04.260 Is a dodgy bloody wanker

01:26:06.320 Jermaine

01:26:07.020 I'll take a quarter pounder

01:26:09.820 With cheese

01:26:10.320 And a McFlurry

01:26:11.340 Sorry sir

01:26:11.900 But our ice cream machine

01:26:12.700 Is broken

01:26:13.180 Oh no

01:26:15.020 I think Tom Hanks

01:26:17.040 Just butt dialed me

01:26:18.140 Anyway

01:26:18.640 First rule of Kite Club

01:26:19.980 Is

01:26:20.540 Tell everyone about Kite Club

01:26:22.260 Second rule of Kite Club

01:26:23.520 Tell everyone about Kite Club

01:26:26.400 Third rule

01:26:27.240 Like and subscribe

01:26:28.400 Wherever you listen to podcasts

01:26:29.860 Or watch us on YouTube

01:26:31.600 Yeah

01:26:32.020 And yes

01:26:32.940 Don't worry

01:26:33.500 My Brad Pitt impression

01:26:34.740 Will get better

01:26:35.540 Thank you so much for listening to Kite Club

01:26:37.540 I'll see you next time

01:26:38.040 I'll see you next time

01:26:38.540 I'll see you next time

This Past Weekend with Theo Von - September 19, 2019

Bill Burr ｜ This Past Weekend #231

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