Cheek to Seat ｜ This Past Weekend #214
Episode Stats
Length
1 hour and 24 minutes
Words per Minute
151.9409
Summary
Summer is almost over and it s time to take a break from all the hustle and bustle of the busy busy season. In this episode, I talk about the dark side of summertime and how it can be a little scary.
Transcript
00:00:00.000
Man, I'm just trying to be alive, you know it, and this weekend, man, I ate a whole sack
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of them Toll House morsels, and man, they, and they, I don't know if you've ever seen
00:00:19.820
them, they got that yellow sack, they got that, that amarillo, I think is how you say
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in Spanish, they got that amarillo bolsa, that yellow sack of them little chocolate, you
00:00:35.440
know, little nuggets, look like, I mean, they look like almost like a little doody or something,
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like a, like a real little bitty bear, maybe a bear that's, you know, about four inches
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tall, came and did a little doody somewhere, and that's the, the Nestle, Nestle, I believe
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Toll House morsels, and they are good, and look, you have, here's the thing, the sack
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of them, the, the way they built the sack, if you open it, a bunch kind of spill out, so
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I don't know, it's kind of like, I don't want to say it's like that movie, you know, Amistad
00:01:14.520
or anything, but it's kind of, you know, you know, they got too many in the bag kind
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of thing, you know, and so, you know, next thing you know, they got a couple of those
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little sweet chocolate morsels, just, you know, maybe you put a couple in your hand,
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or, but then it's, you know, some spill on the counter, next thing you know, you've had
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10, 11, 19, and I probably had, I don't even really want to be honest with myself about
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it, I probably had, um, 240 of them, you know, so that's, I mean, I guess that's kind
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of where I'm at right now, you know, but, uh, let's get into it.
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I'm just sitting on your front porch, wondering how could I be so far from my home?
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And my mind is somewhere else, but when I find it, I'll patch up where it's been blown.
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Now, I'm just feeling on the breeze, and I feel I'm falling like these leaves, I must be
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Oh, but when I reach that ground, I'll share this piece.
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For me to set that clock and break, and let myself unwind.
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Shine that light on me, I'll sit and tell you my stories.
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Shine that light on me, come on, let me find a song I'll sing it just for you.
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That is Shine by Bishop Gunn, and they are a band out of Natchez, Louisiana, or Mississippi,
00:03:54.160
And it's so close, you can't even tell which one you're in.
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I mean, you could, if you had really long legs, you could be in Mississippi and Louisiana
00:04:05.100
You're going to have to probably be at least about, I would guess, probably about eight
00:04:11.320
feet tall, because you're going to have to really, you just need a little bit of room.
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You got to make sure you're in each one, because you got to pod out at the bottom, sort of.
00:04:20.400
Thank you for joining me today, good to see you, I hope you are doing well, I hope you
00:04:29.880
are doing well, and that is Shine by Bishop Gunn.
00:04:39.840
It's summertime, that's what I'm realizing, you know?
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And it's summer, and this is the kind of time of year I remember, at summertime, you
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go to the pool, you might see a little, if you're around that age, when you really, when
00:05:00.400
you got really perverted, kind of, it starts kind of whispering in your ear.
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Because perverted, if you're going through perverted, perverted is a real ghost, you know?
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It's invisible to you for years, you were, you're a child, and you don't, you don't
00:05:21.260
When you're real young, a titty could roll across the street, you don't care.
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You know, a whole, a battleship full of wieners could just, you know, capsize right out front
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If you're a young lady, you don't care, you're like, oh, what is all of this?
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What are all of these, you know, these weird, you know, these weird little kind of
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arms, you know, that don't have bodies and they're hooked to them?
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Because you, because that, because that, that, that puberty ghost hadn't started really
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And then when you hit about 13 or 14, that ghost just, he kind of just, you're playing
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video games and suddenly you hear something in your ear like, what you think about some
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And they'll try to pretend like they're still a ghost, but really they're just, it's just
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And the kids, I bet the kids, it's, you're inside.
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It's starting to get a little touchy-feely, I bet.
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It's starting to get a little bit intense, you know, it's getting a little bit hot, hot.
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But puberty come and it really starts, it starts getting you going.
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And if you're young, remember, that's when summer would always, that's when puberty would
00:07:07.080
always hit somebody, in summertime, that, you'd feel that long as, hey, I know you like
00:07:17.300
playing hot and go sick, but what about some titties?
00:07:31.300
You know, you'd have a water slide at the beginning of summer, and by the end of the
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summer, you're trying to, you're trying to slide into the neighbor's daughter.
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It just was, it was same times, actually, but it was, it was just, I don't know, it was
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And your buddy come back from school, he have a beard, you know?
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Your friend, you guys had pogs or something together, now he got a beard and he got a child.
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He was in a war, and you're like, damn, you got some real, you must have had that Polish
00:08:06.660
puberty hit you or something, that Ukrainian, bruh, because you've already been in a couple
00:08:13.640
But it's that summertime, we're still getting through it.
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You know, I was asking, or thinking last week, who listens to the show, and I wanted to know,
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and so we got a couple of people that chimed in and let us know.
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And my mother used to live over there outside of Phoenix.
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And Phoenix, if you know Arizona State University, beautifulest.
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They got some real beautiful ladies running around over there.
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I mean, they got, I'm surprised they don't have real carnivores in that area, a lot of,
00:09:04.600
because they got some ladies over there, you'll see some booty cheeks make you want to,
00:09:12.720
You know, turn you into a little, that kind of snack of dactyl, really.
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I'm a special ed teacher, and I just wanted to call and say that you do a kick-ass job
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I normally listen to you when I'm getting ready for work.
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Oh, you're a special ed teacher, and that's beautiful.
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And I actually, you know, a lot of people know that I've, you know, beat down syndrome
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when I was born, and I've had a lot of, you know, I've had interactions.
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I'll tell you, actually, I feel bad about this, but when I was in third grade or first grade,
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I mean, nobody really, you know, nobody ever knows, really.
00:10:01.560
And they had a, next to us was special education.
00:10:12.700
They had these kind of orange slices and these lime slices,
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look like a little, like somebody, like a little handful of somebody
00:10:32.920
These little sugar hitters, and I'd sneak in there and eat them all
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while the special ed kids were out doing recess or just doing something.
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It was riding around town or whatever, you know, not at school
00:10:49.520
And, and honestly, I've always felt a little bit bad about that.
00:11:00.200
And dude, sometimes I would lock myself in the cab, in the cupboard.
00:11:05.840
I'd get in there and I'd start eating these candies.
00:11:09.840
Because our teacher, Miss Lewis, would give you permission
00:11:19.900
Now we had some inappropriate, you know, we had some real inappropriates
00:11:26.720
We had kids who, you know, alphabet deniers and stuff.
00:11:31.020
You know, kids that didn't want to read and all kinds.
00:11:34.140
But she would let you go get to the, to the restroom
00:11:40.260
So I'd sneak into the, um, special ed room and get their candies
00:11:47.600
And the second I opened that door, they had so many candies.
00:11:52.780
They had those, uh, Tootsie Roll, the long ones, you know,
00:12:01.580
That kind of make you really, that kind of make you start thinking
00:12:07.940
You know, you put two of them big fellas in your mouth.
00:12:14.840
you might end up in a unique parade later on in your life.
00:12:18.940
And so I'd get in there and I'd start just eating the lime slices
00:12:22.240
and eating, I'd have probably maybe 30 pieces of candy.
00:12:30.680
And so I'd have to sit there the rest of the time
00:12:37.500
And it's funny because the pain of having to urinate
00:12:40.060
would almost be, it would, every time I remembered,
00:12:56.360
Since I'm a special ed teacher and I work right now
00:13:03.760
So I'd like to start off my day with one of your episodes
00:13:07.700
because it just kind of sets me in that mood to get ready
00:13:10.520
and be positive and know that everything is going to be okay.
00:13:21.540
You know, I think about that, uh, as brave you.
00:13:25.100
It's, uh, well, it's not, you have a special gift
00:13:28.520
to be able to work with children that's really, you know,
00:13:32.620
that have autism or, you know, unique gifts from God
00:13:36.540
or they're a lot of mentally challenged people.
00:13:40.420
It seemed like they're doing more insider trading.
00:13:42.440
It seemed like they're operating on the inside.
00:13:45.740
You know, we're out here operating on the outside
00:13:50.180
And some of us are 100% out here and nothing inside.
00:13:56.460
But sometimes a lot of, you know, mental children,
00:14:01.300
when I was growing up, it would seem they were, um,
00:14:04.580
they were, uh, they were more like 80 inside, 20 outside.
00:14:18.200
to kind of get the, get the walls to all match up.
00:14:31.660
I mean, you must, you must, you must just have to be full of patience
00:14:35.100
because, uh, I mean, I just, I imagine if we cracked you open
00:14:41.620
that something would come out, but only if we waited a while
00:14:46.100
because that's patience, you know, like, I just can't imagine it,
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you know, and, and so thank you for, for your service right there.
00:15:01.120
You know, I hope you, you know, uh, and those kids
00:15:05.020
that you're working with in the future, they get the next go around.
00:15:13.620
Like, I'm here this time doing what I do, being a loud mouth.
00:15:19.720
And next time I'll be, you know, I'm kind of a more sensitive loud mouth.
00:15:24.400
Next time I might be a warrior, like a deaf warrior.
00:15:31.260
but maybe be a lightweight champion of the world.
00:15:35.800
Or I might be like a, you know, a little show animal or something
00:15:40.820
that, you know, doesn't do a lot and does, you know, does cigarettes or something.
00:15:47.320
So it's, you know, everybody gets the term where you have,
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where we get to see what it's like to be that next thing,
00:16:01.100
You know, I had a day one time I was a student and we went to India, uh, earth.
00:16:09.020
And we worked on a disabled children's home over there.
00:16:13.220
And a lot of these children, they didn't have wheelchairs or chairs.
00:16:21.040
And they were just crawling around on the ground, you know.
00:16:25.260
And, uh, and our job for the day was to help move.
00:16:28.520
They had different sediment and different pieces of cement or something.
00:16:33.100
Somebody left a, probably look about two dump trucks full of some pieces of big cement
00:16:42.120
And we moved it and we made it and moved it around and opened up a little play area for them.
00:16:47.020
But, uh, but man, it was, you know, it was the one day in my life where I really felt of service,
00:16:55.940
I remember getting to the end of that day and just feeling like, wow, man, um,
00:17:06.560
I'm glad to be a part of whatever we're doing here and, uh, and getting you going.
00:17:19.580
And, you know, Tim is always that kind of neighbor guy, you know, he's a little,
00:17:24.680
some of them he'll be out shooting hoops at night, but you're like, damn, what's going on, Tim?
00:17:29.500
You, you got a family, you know, or Tim's the kind of guy where, you know,
00:17:34.220
you won't have seen his wife for like a month and you'd be like, dang, Tim.
00:17:44.580
And I listened to your podcast after I dropped my kids off.
00:17:52.520
Cause that's a euphemism also for, uh, going to the restroom.
00:18:14.480
Cause I remember staying at home when I was a kid.
00:18:20.760
Making stuff, making your own food, remember that?
00:18:24.240
Dude, one day for lunch, bro, I had 16 pieces of cheese.
00:18:38.760
And a cheese steak is when, I guess, I don't know.
00:18:43.260
But I thought it was that you just put a bunch of cheese in like a, you know, as much of a meat shape as you could and just had that bitch, you know?
00:18:51.960
So I made a perfect T-bone out of cheese out of about 16 pieces of American.
00:19:01.820
And, uh, and had me a beautiful ass cheese steak while I watched.
00:19:06.260
It wasn't high, uh, One Life to Live or something.
00:19:10.300
My grandmother got me on to some of the, uh, soap operas.
00:19:14.200
And a soap opera is something basically where it's like a lot of, I guess it's kind of where people, they fantasize, I think, about having sex with somebody else.
00:19:25.660
But instead of doing that, they just watch a soap opera and have a snack.
00:19:41.520
And, uh, I'm sure you know, like, your vibe has felt the same everywhere.
00:19:57.440
If the ladies out there working, pfft, dude, get a slip and slide.
00:20:12.260
Oh, man, when you were at home, that was one thing nice during summertime.
00:20:18.900
So, as long as there was milk, if there wasn't milk, my day was going to hell.
00:20:25.940
But if there was milk, I was, I was feeling good.
00:20:30.080
Because you could have cereal, get a little bit of this, cut on an episode of something, do a video game.
00:20:37.800
You know, and if you hadn't, if you hadn't hit perbity yet, you just do fun stuff all day.
00:20:44.600
Make sure the house key's under the mat when you leave.
00:20:48.900
Dude, how crazy is it that we keep the house, every house key's under the mat.
00:20:56.480
If there's any bur, if there's a burglar who can't get into a house,
00:21:08.840
Let me, every burglar, I have to be honest with you, the house key is under the mat.
00:21:16.220
Or it's in the little frog, or it's in the little goose.
00:21:20.100
They got a little trap door under the frog, and that's, the house key is right there.
00:21:27.200
Because sometimes you'll see a burglar, like they catch a burglar by like the back window.
00:21:38.800
There's no screws on a window, first of all, bucko.
00:21:51.340
This weekend for me, what happened this past weekend?
00:22:02.300
You know, and we're distant cousins, people ask.
00:22:05.600
And so he came out, and it was a good experience, man.
00:22:17.720
People all, you know, just think he's, you know, he's naked even if he ain't.
00:22:29.440
You know, it's like, it's almost like you can play that game where you put your hands up a bat until somebody wins.
00:22:39.080
And his real name is David, and he doesn't smoke or drink.
00:22:52.060
There's no work for his parents out there, and he lives outside of Flint.
00:22:58.700
And, you know, he lives with his family, but there's not a lot of opportunity out there.
00:23:09.600
He said it's tough because there's a lot of gangs.
00:23:17.360
A lot of people get jealous of him, which must be wild.
00:23:23.220
It's like he kind of has this unique look, and then people get jealous of him.
00:23:27.160
And he's only 19, so he's just, you know, trying to be alive.
00:23:34.480
And he said that some people have taken advantage of him and, like, in business and stuff like that.
00:23:40.640
But he had a nice group with him, and they came out, and we broke some bread backstage and just had a nice meal.
00:23:53.240
So mostly if you see him, you know, just filling up his body, it's with fries.
00:24:08.000
So many just, man, I just, man, so many nice people.
00:24:25.340
We brought Damn Long Neck up on stage at the end of the first show, and we sang We Are the World with a beautiful group.
00:24:34.920
We got a couple Tinos up there, you know, a couple Dark Aardvarks up there.
00:24:43.520
We had a girl, I think, who was, I don't even know, dude, freaking great, you know, awesome.
00:24:49.420
And so everybody was up there, and we sang We Are the World together.
00:25:02.700
And I'm just glad I got to kind of chat with him and see what his world is like on a one-to-one basis.
00:25:11.280
You know, just nice and just, you know, just, I mean, just imagine anybody else from a community that's kind of a troubled community,
00:25:19.200
and there's not a lot of opportunity, and who gets this kind of weird or unique Instagram popularity.
00:25:33.940
But I'm glad that he came out, and I'm grateful to everybody that came through.
00:25:41.760
Oh, I'll tell you this, actually, that today's episode is brought to you by Gray Block Pizza.
00:25:56.760
It's 1811 Pico Boulevard in Los Angeles on the way to the beach.
00:26:05.560
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00:27:51.400
You know, when I put a photo up on my Instagrams of me and David, damn long neck.
00:28:21.280
And some of his buddies, and I didn't know any of the other guys, really.
00:28:27.220
And people like, you know, one guy's like, I can't support this type of stuff, you know.
00:28:41.000
You know, P-Wood, you think he's a privileged kid?
00:29:01.060
You know, it's just like, you know, it's like, I don't know.
00:29:07.980
And then it also, I feel bad because it made me think like, oh, well.
00:29:15.520
I mean, David reminds me of people that I grew up around.
00:29:20.280
You know, he reminds me of the neighborhood that I grew up in.
00:29:22.200
But, dude, I'll tell you this, bro, I show up to the improv, he's outside, him and his gang, bro.
00:29:31.540
And this guy, he's probably 50 years old, you know, half of his teeth.
00:29:37.680
He's always getting people beating him in the nuts and stuff online.
00:29:47.700
And I roll up to the improv, they're out front with no shirts on.
00:30:01.000
I've gone to the improv in Hollywood, California on Melrose Avenue.
00:30:08.120
Never once have I seen someone without a shirt on there.
00:30:14.440
But today, I roll up, they're sitting out front.
00:30:31.140
And the second I feel like I'm not people, man, I don't care what they are.
00:30:34.700
I don't care if Dave is black or white or Latino or, you know, Peruvian or Veruca Salt or whatever he is.
00:30:45.940
I don't care if he fucking, you know, reaches into his pants and pulls out a damn tail.
00:30:54.260
So, anyway, I shouldn't, and it didn't bother me.
00:30:57.300
It just made me, I don't know, part of me did worry.
00:31:00.180
It was like, well, what if, you know, if people think that I'm associated with these kind of people or if they think I'm this, then what is that going to be?
00:31:07.000
I guess in the end, I guess I'm really just disappointed that it made me doubt myself.
00:31:13.960
You know, it made me think, well, what are people going to think?
00:31:19.280
Because I like to, you know, I wish I didn't live in that space where I worried about that.
00:31:33.320
And I hope to get there, you know, I hope to aim to be in that space more.
00:31:40.040
And I don't even know how I ever got there, probably when I was young.
00:31:43.600
Well, I think probably I didn't know how I felt about myself.
00:31:50.140
And the only way I did feel about myself wasn't good.
00:31:55.540
So, of course, I'm going to need other people to like me.
00:32:02.720
Because that's the only way I know if I'm doing okay.
00:32:07.320
You know, if I ask myself, it's like yelling into a cave when I was young.
00:32:11.800
So, it almost makes sense that I even do work as a comedian.
00:32:27.260
It's like I got my own feeling of feeling okay from them.
00:32:39.380
I know in a simple way, it's like, oh, what people think about you.
00:32:44.720
Oh, you care about what people think about you.
00:32:47.980
But I'm trying to think about how I, you know, I got what I thought about myself from how other people responded to me.
00:33:04.860
I think that really is more how what was going on with me.
00:33:09.380
You know, because that's the only way I knew, you know, and that's, so, yeah, nobody, you know, I just wasn't filled up with, hey, you're, you know, you're, you're okay.
00:33:25.300
And if there were, maybe there were, and I couldn't even hear them.
00:33:27.820
And that's where sometimes you, it's like, man, we're all special ed.
00:33:35.640
You know, and it makes me feel good to know that there's a lady out there.
00:33:48.800
Who's driving somewhere to take care of some kids.
00:33:55.900
It's nice to know that there is, when these kids get home, that this guy.
00:34:00.860
Hey, Theo, my name is Tim, and I listen to your podcast after I drop my kids off at school.
00:34:10.080
That when the kids get off the bus, Timmy's out there with a little tray of muffins or a cigarette.
00:34:17.200
I don't know if the kids smoke or what he does with his kids, but he's out there.
00:34:24.520
That the, you know, that people, that we're filling these youngsters up with some type of connection.
00:34:32.640
And, um, I'm just kind of rambling, but, uh, but, yeah, what else is going on with me right now?
00:34:42.940
Um, you know, I'm trying to, I've just been trying to think about, like, you know, this, just, just kind of, I guess just kind of wanting to just,
00:35:00.300
I've just been feeling so busy sometimes that I don't know, it's hard to know, like, if I'm feeling okay or not.
00:35:06.880
So, I've just got to try and check in with myself a little bit more.
00:35:10.520
And just kind of, you know, just make sure that I'm doing okay.
00:35:15.360
Um, it was just, you know, I used to have just kind of more time to just, you know, I guess just even chill out or take a nap or get a little, uh, frosty or something.
00:35:33.980
You know what I miss I was thinking about the other day?
00:35:46.780
But about once every two years, some new legislation came down at school.
00:35:54.720
And they once again allowed kids to play musical chairs.
00:35:59.220
That's where they put like seven chairs in the middle of a room.
00:36:11.960
It was like, uh, it was almost like the Royal Rumble, like WWF Royal Rumble.
00:36:18.200
And they had everybody, oh, suddenly every, you start to see who people are.
00:36:23.880
You'd have a little, you know, a couple sets of twins.
00:36:26.380
These two females, buddy, over there sharpening their teeth with a real file.
00:36:35.620
Suddenly all the white kids were like, oh, we're going to have a chance to do something athletically.
00:36:45.560
And then the music would start all around the mulberry bush.
00:36:52.880
And people are just, just eyeing the other person.
00:37:03.560
Suddenly some kid had just reached in his bag and just painted his face up like, uh, William Wallace.
00:37:29.380
You ain't going to handle musical the rest of your life then.
00:37:33.080
Go move to somewhere else, bruh, and be weak, daddy.
00:37:43.040
And people, you'd see some kid pull out a blade.
00:37:46.700
You know, some rich kid would bring a chair from home.
00:37:54.200
They had some pedos on the side betting on it, laying money.
00:37:59.400
You know, plus 750 on little Reginald over there.
00:38:13.400
And there's just nothing more just quirky and silly than a bunch of children's butts all flying in the same direction at once.
00:38:26.040
Some kids, they'd go for a chair and miss it completely.
00:38:31.540
End up in a bag on, you know, end up traveling by sack for the rest of their lives on their dad or mom's back if their mom was strong.
00:38:38.900
Just, you know, just, you had to get two cheeks on the seat and it was yours.
00:38:46.820
And you had somebody be yelling in the distance.
00:38:55.080
There's people crawling through pipes full of duty.
00:38:58.660
They said it would take a man 600 years to get out of that chair of prison.
00:39:03.480
But musical chairs, Randall did it in less than 20.
00:39:06.780
And, you know, little Daniel's back there in the back.
00:39:10.900
He got him a little Santa sack and he's not even playing.
00:39:18.620
He's taking these, like, just mom-made sandwiches and game boys and just filling up a sack.
00:39:31.560
Because, you know, Daniel, you know, he makes his own choices.
00:39:35.000
But, damn, boy, musical chairs, the game in, somebody, it came down to two people, one chair.
00:39:44.820
And it was actually kind of a great thing for regular life.
00:40:05.980
You don't, and that you win, and they're supposed to give you some candies.
00:40:10.020
And who knows, some little asshole kid ate all of them lime slices.
00:40:17.160
Some sneaky little white boy, that poli Nicaragua, snacked up all the lime slices.
00:40:24.720
And little Daniel, he's already, he's halfway to Tacoma.
00:40:29.540
And he got that bag of, you know, maybe lukewarm muffins and some ham sandwiches and some pudding packs, bro.
00:41:01.200
And the hotline is, you know, it's a, it's a, it's just, you know, if something's going on, what's happening?
00:41:09.000
If you're not, if you're struggling with something, if there's something that we can try to do to help,
00:41:13.880
if you want to share a response to something on the show, you can always hit it.
00:41:36.860
the cops would come by, these bicycle cops, and they would tase you if you wanted.
00:41:40.860
And you could, you didn't even have to be a criminal, and they would tase you with the damn taser.
00:41:46.820
So, you know, they got some rare kind of tourist attractions around there.
00:41:54.380
Man, I was listening to the podcast earlier, and you were talking about being in a relationship.
00:42:07.500
And I was scared of relationships just like you for a long time,
00:42:11.540
because, like, I come from alcoholic parents and a broken home and all that shit.
00:42:17.400
And, man, it was like, oh, and dealing drugs for a long time.
00:42:24.640
It was like everybody was business-related or business-oriented.
00:42:29.660
Like, I had girlfriends, but they were more like homeboys, you know?
00:42:34.240
Oh, yeah, drugs will make a, turn a girlfriend into more of a girl fiend, you know, onward.
00:42:40.860
But I met Stephanie, the woman I'm with now, and, dude, it really changed me.
00:42:48.560
I mean, she's a genuine person, so it is worth the risk to face the fear, I would say.
00:43:00.500
And, yeah, yeah, I guess everybody needs a little Stephanie on them.
00:43:06.960
Everybody needs, yeah, I'm sure somebody comes along and kind of just makes it.
00:43:12.560
I mean, my biggest fear, I think, right now in, like, a practical sense, on a surface sense,
00:43:19.880
is I just don't know that I trust myself not to cheat, not to, you know,
00:43:28.380
I still got that sugar lizard sometimes in my wiener, you know, in my body wiener.
00:43:35.820
And, you know, if that lizard gets thinking, bruh, then I'll, you know, I'll get pinking, you feel me?
00:43:45.420
I mean, that's kind of obtuse, and I don't want to say that, but I'll try to get out there looking for some loin.
00:43:51.560
You know, I'll get out there kind of just, just kind of just standing around,
00:43:58.980
just kind of looking for some trim, trimming them, whatever you say I am, you know?
00:44:06.720
I'll take a girl out for Mom's spaghetti to try to frickin' serve up that meatball, you gotty.
00:44:18.940
And then, fuck, bruh, I got so many fucking problems, bruh.
00:44:24.740
I might as well just build a church around my damn head and my heart.
00:44:30.080
You know what I should do is just live in a church.
00:44:38.260
You sound like you might be on a couple of lewds as well, Daddy.
00:44:40.640
You might be, you know, a couple milligrams deep right now.
00:44:43.840
Because now that I got kids, everything's different, man.
00:44:49.440
Like, I stopped doing everything illegal, started making legal money.
00:44:55.380
I mean, it's been a real, real long road, but it's really worth it.
00:45:04.000
And at one time, if I couldn't make a dollar off of you, I didn't really mess with you.
00:45:12.740
Yeah, so, you know, I feel you in a lot of that.
00:45:15.180
Yeah, it's like you got to have opportunity for transformation.
00:45:18.420
And it sounds like somebody real special came along and made you believe in something greater than yourself.
00:45:26.340
You know, I'm amazed at the way that goodness really works in the world.
00:45:38.820
I'm amazed at how many people, you know, I'm feeling in some type of way, negative or this or that,
00:45:43.640
and somebody comes along and their positivity just shows me the other half of the world that,
00:45:50.500
or really the other, most of the world that I'm not seeing.
00:45:56.340
You know, because if I'm seeing things negatively, a lot of that's my choice.
00:46:01.160
You know, you walk into hell with a smile, bruh.
00:46:06.380
I mean, you could even, you might even be able to make the devil think different.
00:46:13.540
You know, it's just powerful sometimes to just do that contrary action.
00:46:20.120
Oh, it's easy to show up at work and be a dick and do this and that.
00:46:24.820
Some guy works for you or you work for your boss.
00:46:27.800
He's a dick or you're a dick to show up and just, I'm going to try this different.
00:46:33.800
What if today I walked up and said just, hey, look, what, you might be the best damn employee or employer.
00:46:43.880
And if you said, hey, look, what can I do differently to help the situation here?
00:46:50.140
Even if you're, you might already be doing it great.
00:46:52.860
But that right there is going to make them think, damn.
00:46:58.620
Because I thought my boss or I thought the guy working under me, I thought he was an asshole.
00:47:07.620
People are asking, what can they do to help somebody?
00:47:14.760
Because I'm over here on this other shitty bus.
00:47:23.400
So I don't, I got to get on this new bus that's headed in a new direction.
00:47:30.380
And I think I'm sounding a little bit preachy, man.
00:47:35.580
You know, I've been having a, my patience has just been real short with myself.
00:47:39.560
And I notice sometimes I get preachy when I'm, when I just, when I haven't been resting enough, really.
00:47:49.560
And when I haven't been at peace enough, I just, or when I've been too busy, I get more preachy.
00:47:56.120
And I'm, I'm really trying to tell myself that I, you know, I want to be brave enough when a, when a situation is shitty, when somebody's done something wrong to me, instead of saying, hey, fuck you.
00:48:13.360
I want to be able to say, hey, how can I help, man?
00:48:29.500
That's going to, you know, nine extra dollars off of today.
00:48:33.020
That's going to make you, you're going to sit at home and be full of, you go on, take it, daddy.
00:48:44.980
You can take the nine and then here's an extra five.
00:48:47.980
Go home and don't be an asshole to your family.
00:48:50.680
I'll pay you every day to go home and not be an asshole to your family.
00:49:07.360
And, uh, and sorry, I was thinking you were on Quaaludes, but you, dog, you sound like you might.
00:49:12.220
Look, if they have a Quaalude competition, dude, or voiceover work.
00:49:16.600
If they ever come out with a Smurf or something that's on Ludes, bro, you know, Sneepy, you know, Snaky, Dopey, Doc, Sneezy, uh, you know, Opioidy, bro.
00:49:33.420
You got that Ludi, you got that Ludi bat, that baritone Ludi.
00:49:40.300
You got about 600 milligrams in your voice box, daddy.
00:49:46.820
And I'm ready to see Dustin Poirier whoop that boy's haze over there in the desert.
00:50:05.980
And speaking of rogue, there's actually a new, uh, a friend of mine created a game called Streets of Rogue.
00:50:21.320
Um, and it's kind of like, what's that, uh, game?
00:50:36.000
If you'd like to live in, like, an alternative world on this, on his game, you can, you know, you can be doing cigarettes.
00:50:45.520
You know, you could light people up or just light up a smoke.
00:51:00.600
And then you can still be, like, the mayor of the whole, of the whole, you know, little universe on there.
00:51:08.960
If you want to check it out, it's called Streets of Rogue.
00:51:12.100
And, uh, and that's my friend Matt made the game.
00:51:17.880
And, uh, and actually he just got married as well.
00:51:20.100
So, uh, congratulations, uh, Mattski out there.
00:51:26.400
Let's get into a couple more, uh, questions and calls that came in.
00:51:38.700
You want to go to a city that's really white-rific and black-tastic at the same time, boy?
00:51:47.940
You want to see, uh, you know, cities that are really just, you know, they got that funky, they got funky but also honky.
00:51:57.440
You know, they got that honky-funk vibe going on.
00:52:02.700
One of the best southern restaurants I've ever been to is right over there off by that mall over there downtown.
00:52:07.580
And it's dangerous because the buses go fast there.
00:52:11.860
So you could lose a family member to a bus, but goddamn, them hush puppies are good, you know?
00:52:17.880
So you could, uh, you could have a, you could have those and a couple orders of that fried catfish at the wake, you know, at the funeral.
00:52:26.740
Oh yeah, that's something that, uh, it's a, I don't think it's a super, I guess it is a superpower, I guess.
00:52:50.260
I don't know if everybody could do it, but yeah, if I go into a urinal restroom or, you know, piss area, if I, if somebody's been in there doing a duty or something, I can sometimes, I could smell, I could almost, I can't help but smell it.
00:53:06.300
Like right when I walk in, my, my nose will take a hit and I'll try to, it'll be like, oh yeah, somebody did or no, somebody didn't, or it's been, you know, nine and a half minutes or it's been 60 seconds or, you know, they got two boys, you know, playing these porcelain pipes right there, you know, in a couple stalls right now.
00:53:24.680
They got active shooters in the building onward.
00:53:27.700
Well, it made me think, man, if you're ever over here in Charlotte, I work at this little Tex-Mex joint called Chewy's, come drop into Chewy's, we've got, you know, the women's restroom and the men's restroom and then we've got what we call the family bathroom.
00:53:41.920
Well, what it is, it's a whole different bathroom.
00:53:44.820
It's got, you know, one toilet in there, it's really for changing kids, but all the coworkers go in there and we do drugs and, um, and I didn't say that.
00:53:52.640
And we use the, and we, and we do our own business, but it always smells fresh.
00:53:56.120
We got the, uh, the janitorial, uh, folks, shout out to them, Loretta and, you know, anybody who's listening to this, shout out to y'all.
00:54:03.560
But, um, hell yeah, shout out to anybody that'll be ever cleaning toilets, man.
00:54:07.740
And I used to clean them over there at BJ's Pizza House off of 190 and I used to get me a cold beer and, uh, and I'd go in the bathroom.
00:54:15.040
I was probably 13 or 14 and I'd drinking beer out of a damn paper cup and I'd be hitting that, that Miller Lite, bro.
00:54:22.260
And that shit fucking made my cheeks, made fuck, made just, made it feel like squirrels were living in my neck and they were looking each other.
00:54:31.540
They were looking for each other to fuck, you know.
00:54:33.480
That's what it felt like when I drank that Miller Lite as a kid.
00:54:36.600
Second, it poured in, it was so spicy and hot in my, and just, I mean, it was ice cold, but it was just hot inside of it.
00:54:43.220
It was coldness, but that alcohol had heat in it and it would get in my throat and it just let the damn squirrels loose.
00:54:50.400
And that shit made me, boy, I'd bite my own ass cheek open if I had, you know, two sips of Miller Lite at the age of 13.
00:55:02.020
Y'all did the, y'all did the most work in the restaurant, in fact.
00:55:05.160
But they always keep it smelling great in there.
00:55:08.240
You'll go in there, you, you won't even know the last time that anyone's done some business.
00:55:14.260
See, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll have to hit that chewies when I'm local.
00:55:24.380
I used to get, bro, I'd go lock myself in the, uh, if the toilet was taken,
00:55:28.840
I'd go hit, lock myself in the freezer at the restaurant and I'd be just eating handfuls of bread pudding straight out of the, uh,
00:55:39.440
like the chef would have made it all, but he was cheating on his wife and he was, he was embezzling money.
00:55:45.000
So, nobody gave a fuck about his recipes, right?
00:55:48.000
Because really, I want to know what ingredients have gone into your soul before the, what's in the, uh, in the dessert tray, what you put in there.
00:55:55.800
So, I want to know that first batch of you before I see that, you know, that, that second course.
00:56:02.360
And so, I'd get in there, I'd just be eating handfuls of bread pudding and doing whippets, bro.
00:56:09.160
I remember one guy came in and, uh, he's like, dude, what the fuck are you doing in here?
00:56:15.420
And I was like, hold on just a second, is it just going to be one of you guys today?
00:56:23.200
And this guy came in and I tried to seat him in the damn freezer, bro.
00:56:29.540
So, you just got to know who you are, you know, or know who you aren't, I think.
00:56:43.200
Thank you for hitting the hotline and for being here with me this weekend.
00:57:01.420
Uh, last time I called your show was about a year ago, uh, to be exact, last summer on the
00:57:09.720
And, uh, I believe I was the first mailman to call your show.
00:57:21.920
And I just want to remind you, it's Halfway to Christmas, buddy.
00:57:25.380
I'm out here, uh, free-ranked Elton again, sending me these letters.
00:57:29.440
Uh, and I just want to say you've been keeping me going, man.
00:57:40.780
And Nelson, bruh, he's, uh, that's, that's, uh, jolly old St. Nelson-less.
00:57:55.820
Yeah, and yeah, I guess it's that time of year.
00:57:59.720
People don't realize, you know, the mailman, he's been laying low.
00:58:19.600
Because the second half of the year, they start training.
00:58:21.940
You know, you'll see a mailman at night running down the street with a huge sack of fucking nothing, bruh.
00:58:28.880
Then a couple weeks later, you'll see him out there with a sack of, uh, you know, fake bricks or something.
00:58:38.180
They, you'll see a mailman get a big bag and start, you know, stretching it out, making sure.
00:58:43.520
Testing, really testing the, the guttural strength of a bag.
00:58:51.940
We don't know that mailman that they want to, you know, a lot of mailmen, they just, they just want to be of service, man.
00:59:01.700
A lot of mailmen, they, they're going to go, they get, they dropping off something good.
00:59:09.340
You know, suddenly a bunch of kids in town need a Game Boy because somebody stole all their Game Boys.
00:59:16.300
And you know, Daniel, man, he makes his own choices.
00:59:32.580
You know, anybody, also, these guys, they're all day, they got perfume samples in the bag.
00:59:43.100
There's no way, if I'm not a mailman, that I ain't getting hopped up on perfume samples all day.
00:59:51.440
Dude, I'll be, you know, I'll drop a package here, drop a package there.
00:59:57.280
Next thing you know, I'll do about four, open that thing up and do about four hits of cool water cologne right there to the dome.
01:00:05.560
Right, just do nine hits of that, of that Burberry stout or whatever.
01:00:10.960
Dude, I'll be so high on perfume samples, bruh.
01:00:13.920
I'll deliver the mail and then go undeliver it.
01:00:16.760
Dude, I'll deliver, I'll put four reindeers in front of my mail truck and just drive that bitch around and feed them bitches beer and give them little hits.
01:00:38.620
Hit them with that fresh, fresh, by the face, face for the snout, boy.
01:00:47.480
It's halfway to Christmas and thank you, Nelson, for reminding us.
01:00:53.300
Don't be one of these December, these Grinches.
01:00:59.000
It's an inch to Christmas and now they're getting a little bit ready.
01:01:20.460
What a, it's a real, real special place over there.
01:01:23.520
I was fortunate enough to see you, uh, last, uh, last year, like November, December, down
01:01:30.680
in Lexington, Kentucky, down at the, uh, Comedy Off-Broadway.
01:01:36.440
And, uh, the question that I have, man, is, uh, I want to know something that I'm shocked
01:01:58.280
Um, and while you were talking, I was just thinking, too, uh, I want to just let everybody
01:02:04.900
know I hope y'all are staying dry and safe that's caught up in the storm and been dealing
01:02:17.540
You got water in the house and suddenly, you know, your kids are, you know, they're playing
01:02:23.800
water games or they're doing white water rafting off of the dish cabinet or something.
01:02:32.200
Um, but I hope everybody's staying safe and put some floaties on.
01:02:35.700
Put your, put some floaties on your loved ones when you tuck them in the bed.
01:02:39.780
Because, uh, Mother Nature, you know, she wants to work with us, but.
01:02:59.480
I mean, I'm, I think I'm always thinking about this.
01:03:04.060
I think everybody's always thinking, are they happy?
01:03:12.160
I don't, I don't even know if I'm happy with this episode of this podcast.
01:03:20.860
I've been feeling like, um, you know, a lot of it is I've just been feeling like I, you know, I've used to, I felt before like I knew exactly who I was.
01:03:30.300
And then as things have gotten busier with work, sometimes I don't know, uh, I still know who I am, but, um, I just need to focus more on.
01:03:40.500
And I just, I don't need to focus more, but I just need to do more things of service to be of service, I think.
01:03:50.700
You know, on Tuesday, I got a thing I'm going to do, um, movie night over by the Ronald McDonald house.
01:03:57.900
And Ronald McDonald, he don't do just burgers, man.
01:04:00.740
They do, uh, they have a good charitable organization where they house people that, uh, have family members that are in ICU and stuff like that.
01:04:09.360
And you can go, and so they put them up in this hotel that's free, and it's, uh, and so they have all these families and these children that stay in the hotels while the kids are getting long-term care at hospitals.
01:04:23.840
And so, you know, I decided I was going to go, I used to do Tuesday nights over there, and so I'm starting back, uh, this week.
01:04:33.660
Before King and the Sting, we're doing King and the Sting, uh, just a live show.
01:04:37.100
It's just me and Brendan, but we're doing that live.
01:04:41.200
Um, and, uh, and we're going to do, I'm going to go to the Ronald McDonald house before we're doing movie night.
01:04:49.660
That, you know, I think I just need to make sure that I focus on doing things that do make me feel good.
01:04:56.340
Uh, I think I feel a lot of responsibility because I've been given, um, you know, you get more opportunities.
01:05:05.500
You know, as, as, as my career's changed in the past year, I feel, uh, you know, I feel like I can do more.
01:05:20.160
At the same time, I feel like I need to find ways to be happy with what's going on.
01:05:35.800
I'm happy when I get, man, I got on stage on Friday night or Saturday night.
01:05:38.840
And man, I just saw so many people in the hall and it was just great.
01:05:44.000
You know, I just, I just love seeing people be happy.
01:05:53.300
This fellow Sebastian, somebody else, this other guy and his brother, you know, a couple.
01:06:06.080
And I don't feel like, oh, you know, look at me.
01:06:08.800
I just feel like, oh, man, we, because I need them to laugh for me to feel okay.
01:06:17.440
And that kind of stuff does, does make me really happy.
01:06:20.220
I think the things that I let get into me that make me unhappy are if I start thinking other people should be a certain way.
01:06:28.740
Like if I, if I get caught up, like in too much, like thinking about political stuff or, you know, thinking that I know something that, that I know more than others.
01:06:40.520
Man, I, I may have different experiences, but every, you know, that doesn't mean that I know anything else more.
01:06:47.440
You know, everybody can learn something from everybody else.
01:06:49.920
And, um, and also I got to realize some stuff that it's not my battle.
01:06:58.740
You know, it's not my, you know, I just can, I need to do what I can do around those that are close to me, um, to be loving.
01:07:09.500
I need to, you know, I'd like to be less, uh, hard on myself.
01:07:14.440
And thank you for all the nice messages that I get about that kind of stuff.
01:07:18.360
Um, you know, I just, it hurts me when people, when I see, you know, young guys, I mean, when I see anybody that's struggling.
01:07:28.740
You know, and it just makes me, you know, we can just do better, I think.
01:07:38.060
I'm just saying, and then all I can do is just do better.
01:07:43.440
This is a, it's a, it's a, it's a great opportunity, right?
01:07:46.880
And, uh, but yeah, I just feel, I guess, some sense of responsibility that, um, since I have some sort of a platform.
01:08:01.100
Not that I could tell anybody what to do or how to be or anything, but I do feel, uh, I don't know.
01:08:11.420
I guess I feel some responsibility to, um, well, it's like, I'll, I just want to, I don't know, man.
01:08:28.680
I just, um, I'm grateful for, you know, for, for the fun stuff I get to do.
01:08:36.700
I get to be in this fun circle where like, dude, I get to talk to Joe Rogan sometimes.
01:08:41.000
I get to, um, dude, I get to meet single moms who, you know, and, and, and give them a hug.
01:08:48.100
Like I wanted to hug my mom when I was young and just, you know, or be a part or like, you know, help out with our Patreon group and help the, you know, do, you know, try and do something nice for them.
01:08:58.180
Like, yeah, I get to do a lot of things that make me feel good.
01:09:02.600
Um, but I think there's something in me that always wants her to be something else.
01:09:09.020
Uh, and I think like, you know, I want to be able to, you know, that's why I put, I decided I want to go do the Ronald McDonald house again and start that back up because I need something also to just make sure that I stay in a place, um, where I realize like what's important, you know, for me, you know, I don't want to get disconnected, man.
01:09:35.260
I don't ever want to, uh, I don't ever want to look at somebody that needs help and think like, uh, you know, or, or, or look at anybody like that.
01:09:50.080
You know, that's the same way that I felt like people looked at me a lot of my life.
01:09:57.480
You know, people always think like, oh, you know, that, you know, I can only speak from my perception that like, you know, poor white kids have, you know, they have all this opportunity.
01:10:07.760
Everybody has, just if they have a white skin, they have this opportunity or everybody struggles, man, everybody.
01:10:18.820
You know, struggles that hunter, baby struggles, that hunter, and it gots all the, you know, it gots all the weaponry.
01:10:31.620
I just don't, you know, I don't want to miss the opportunity to be used to be helpful.
01:10:42.880
You know, if I know that each day I try to put myself in a position or show up enough to the day where if I can be helpful to somebody else that not only am I excited about it, but I'm willing to do it.
01:11:02.880
And, of course, that'll never happen all the time.
01:11:06.960
But that would make, you know, that's kind of what makes me feel good.
01:11:21.440
Because the truth is, that's a lot of what's going on.
01:11:24.160
You know, I wish that the, that people know what's going on.
01:11:31.280
You know, I get upset sometimes at the media and all that kind of shit.
01:11:39.060
And I feel like we're headed in a good direction, man.
01:11:41.060
I feel like there's a lot of, man, there's a lot of love on the streets.
01:11:45.000
And there's a lot more right around the corner, bro.
01:11:48.120
So, I don't even know if that answers your question, man.
01:11:51.680
But, but I know that for me, my battle is like just making sure that I'm just taking care of myself enough to be, to be present enough so I'm not missing an opportunity to be of service in some way.
01:12:08.980
So, anyway, I'm kind of rambling, but let's take another call that came in right here.
01:12:15.960
And then maybe we'll scoot off of this episode.
01:12:23.360
I'm going to have to start thinking about what I want, you know.
01:12:37.860
Oh, and it's Connor McGregor's birthday, I think, was yesterday.
01:12:42.420
And I just wanted to say that I'm a massive fan.
01:12:48.660
And this past year has been a pretty tough year for me.
01:12:55.200
And I really just wanted to use this outlet to kind of thank my brother.
01:13:00.200
Because he's been the most amazing person through the whole situation.
01:13:04.180
And I've been at college, so I don't have a whole lot of money.
01:13:10.480
And he's helped me through a really rough breakup.
01:13:14.780
He flew us out to Denver to go visit our cousin.
01:13:18.460
And I just wanted to spread a little bit of positivity.
01:13:24.080
And he give me a laugh every, every Monday and Thursday.
01:13:35.820
Well, that's nice that your brother cares like that.
01:13:42.980
That's cool that you got, you know, your brother.
01:13:46.340
You guys are on the front lines for the family.
01:13:49.300
You know, you got cancer on the, you know, on the horizon.
01:13:52.160
But you guys got it in your scopes with your hearts.
01:13:54.340
And you guys are caring about each other, dude.
01:14:01.700
And I'm sure there's a lot of people who, you know, whoever's listening to this, this bullshit right now.
01:14:10.620
Dude, my brother used to make me listen to all of his music.
01:14:15.960
It's still the only type of music I really even know.
01:14:34.680
You know, it's funny when you're young and stuff.
01:14:47.260
It's so interesting how that happens at that age.
01:14:52.780
I know there's a lot of single, you know, not single kids out there.
01:14:56.040
But hopefully there's a ton of single kids out there.
01:15:00.480
But there's a lot of children that, you know, they don't.
01:15:23.220
There's a lot of kids that are just, they're only children.
01:15:29.620
So it's like we all have this different gift, man.
01:15:46.880
Dude, the guy that can't read, oh, yeah, sucks a lot at the times.
01:15:50.240
But when he walks back by a fucking bookstore and feels no regret, goldmine of comfort.
01:16:04.140
You know, there's two sides to every sword, bro.
01:16:18.980
And that makes me feel good because it makes me think about my brother, dude.
01:16:29.680
And, you know, and we just, he and I were hard on ourselves because we don't, you know, we developed our own sense of what was okay or what wasn't.
01:16:37.600
And we didn't, you know, nobody was hard on us or easy on us.
01:16:43.060
And our brains don't want to leave, you know, sometimes if you develop your own thing in your head, that thing can sometimes be mean.
01:16:49.940
And, you know, and, but I know, man, my brother's like my, you know, he's my idol now.
01:17:01.960
But, you know, we have these little moments sometimes where, you know, he's just everything I always wanted him to be.
01:17:09.340
And I'll never probably fully be able to let him know that.
01:17:12.580
But, but that's some of my journey, you know, I get to be a brother in this lifetime.
01:17:20.600
You know, I get to call somebody who has the same blood I have in my body and their body and let them know, hey, man, you know, how's that flow going, bro?
01:17:29.660
We're riding on a, on a risky river, aren't we?
01:17:33.980
With this blood is category four rapids right now, ain't it, brother?
01:17:42.220
Anyway, I'm rambling, but thank you guys so much for being a part of this episode.
01:17:52.380
I feel like it's just, sometimes I like go in and like turn it into like a radio DJ.
01:18:04.940
I've shaken, I bet probably 6,000 people's hands in my life.
01:18:10.340
The strongest and heaviest hand I've ever shook in my whole life.
01:18:24.640
I mean, that guy, look, he got some real, he's real, real handsy, that fella.
01:18:35.920
And congrats to him for coming back, just for having that, you know, giving himself that chance and taking that risk.
01:18:42.880
You know, I'm fascinated by people that are brave around me constantly.
01:18:56.600
I'm going to play this on the way out, actually.
01:18:58.440
Because, you know, this is Bishop Gunn making it.
01:19:19.660
I can almost hear mama pray for my restless soul
01:20:33.140
I wouldn't wear pants if I was out there, if I was a singer