This Past Weekend with Theo Von - Cheek to Seat ｜ This Past Weekend #214

00:00:00.000 Man, I'm just trying to be alive, you know it, and this weekend, man, I ate a whole sack

00:00:11.440 of them Toll House morsels, and man, they, and they, I don't know if you've ever seen

00:00:19.820 them, they got that yellow sack, they got that, that amarillo, I think is how you say

00:00:27.000 in Spanish, they got that amarillo bolsa, that yellow sack of them little chocolate, you

00:00:35.440 know, little nuggets, look like, I mean, they look like almost like a little doody or something,

00:00:41.080 like a, like a real little bitty bear, maybe a bear that's, you know, about four inches

00:00:46.880 tall, came and did a little doody somewhere, and that's the, the Nestle, Nestle, I believe

00:00:53.340 Toll House morsels, and they are good, and look, you have, here's the thing, the sack

00:01:01.340 of them, the, the way they built the sack, if you open it, a bunch kind of spill out, so

00:01:08.500 I don't know, it's kind of like, I don't want to say it's like that movie, you know, Amistad

00:01:14.520 or anything, but it's kind of, you know, you know, they got too many in the bag kind

00:01:19.520 of thing, you know, and so, you know, next thing you know, they got a couple of those

00:01:25.020 little sweet chocolate morsels, just, you know, maybe you put a couple in your hand,

00:01:29.520 or, but then it's, you know, some spill on the counter, next thing you know, you've had

00:01:33.300 10, 11, 19, and I probably had, I don't even really want to be honest with myself about

00:01:41.580 it, I probably had, um, 240 of them, you know, so that's, I mean, I guess that's kind

00:01:58.180 of where I'm at right now, you know, but, uh, let's get into it.

00:02:17.680 I'm just sitting on your front porch, wondering how could I be so far from my home?

00:02:25.180 Oh, yeah, man, man, they good.

00:02:29.120 And my mind is somewhere else, but when I find it, I'll patch up where it's been blown.

00:02:40.260 Now, I'm just feeling on the breeze, and I feel I'm falling like these leaves, I must be

00:02:46.880 cornerstone.

00:02:51.140 Oh, but when I reach that ground, I'll share this piece.

00:02:55.180 Oh, my bones, them clabbies, baby.

00:03:04.500 Come on, let's go, we can do it.

00:03:06.840 For me to set that clock and break, and let myself unwind.

00:03:13.320 Shine that light on me, I'll sit and tell you my stories.

00:03:22.020 Shine that light on me, come on, let me find a song I'll sing it just for you.

00:03:34.900 Thank you.

00:03:42.520 Hey, what's up?

00:03:43.940 That is Shine by Bishop Gunn, and they are a band out of Natchez, Louisiana, or Mississippi,

00:03:53.220 sorry.

00:03:54.160 And it's so close, you can't even tell which one you're in.

00:03:56.900 I mean, you could, if you had really long legs, you could be in Mississippi and Louisiana

00:04:04.160 at the same time.

00:04:05.100 You're going to have to probably be at least about, I would guess, probably about eight

00:04:11.320 feet tall, because you're going to have to really, you just need a little bit of room.

00:04:15.480 You got to make sure you're in each one, because you got to pod out at the bottom, sort of.

00:04:20.400 Thank you for joining me today, good to see you, I hope you are doing well, I hope you

00:04:29.880 are doing well, and that is Shine by Bishop Gunn.

00:04:35.040 I am, what's going on?

00:04:37.660 What's going on with me, I guess?

00:04:39.840 It's summertime, that's what I'm realizing, you know?

00:04:42.580 And it's summer, and this is the kind of time of year I remember, at summertime, you

00:04:52.240 go to the pool, you might see a little, if you're around that age, when you really, when

00:05:00.400 you got really perverted, kind of, it starts kind of whispering in your ear.

00:05:07.400 Because perverted, if you're going through perverted, perverted is a real ghost, you know?

00:05:12.580 It's invisible to you for years, you were, you're a child, and you don't, you don't

00:05:19.300 see nothing.

00:05:21.260 When you're real young, a titty could roll across the street, you don't care.

00:05:26.380 You know, a whole, a battleship full of wieners could just, you know, capsize right out front

00:05:32.660 of your house.

00:05:33.580 If you're a young lady, you don't care, you're like, oh, what is all of this? 0.98

00:05:37.740 What are all of these, you know, these weird, you know, these weird little kind of

00:05:42.380 arms, you know, that don't have bodies and they're hooked to them?

00:05:48.080 Because you, because that, because that, that, that puberty ghost hadn't started really

00:05:53.900 whispering to you.

00:05:55.600 And then when you hit about 13 or 14, that ghost just, he kind of just, you're playing

00:06:07.480 video games and suddenly you hear something in your ear like, what you think about some 0.86

00:06:15.700 titties? 0.84

00:06:24.520 And they'll try to pretend like they're still a ghost, but really they're just, it's just 0.98

00:06:28.740 puberty coming at you.

00:06:31.340 So, but that's what time it is, man.

00:06:34.180 It's summertime.

00:06:36.080 It's summertime.

00:06:37.020 And the kids, I bet the kids, it's, you're inside.

00:06:41.900 I know the kids are inside.

00:06:44.600 It's starting to get a little touchy-feely, I bet.

00:06:51.580 It's starting to get a little bit intense, you know, it's getting a little bit hot, hot.

00:06:57.460 But puberty come and it really starts, it starts getting you going.

00:07:01.300 And if you're young, remember, that's when summer would always, that's when puberty would

00:07:07.080 always hit somebody, in summertime, that, you'd feel that long as, hey, I know you like 0.94

00:07:17.300 playing hot and go sick, but what about some titties? 0.98

00:07:27.140 I mean, everything started to change.

00:07:31.300 You know, you'd have a water slide at the beginning of summer, and by the end of the

00:07:35.140 summer, you're trying to, you're trying to slide into the neighbor's daughter.

00:07:40.400 It was just different times.

00:07:41.680 It just was, it was same times, actually, but it was, it was just, I don't know, it was

00:07:47.860 just something that happened.

00:07:48.860 And your buddy come back from school, he have a beard, you know?

00:07:52.900 Your friend, you guys had pogs or something together, now he got a beard and he got a child. 0.98

00:07:58.820 He was in a war, and you're like, damn, you got some real, you must have had that Polish 1.00

00:08:06.660 puberty hit you or something, that Ukrainian, bruh, because you've already been in a couple 1.00

00:08:11.240 battles.

00:08:13.640 But it's that summertime, we're still getting through it.

00:08:18.740 What did I do this weekend?

00:08:20.040 I had, look, I had some neat experience.

00:08:22.000 This, I'll share about it in a second.

00:08:24.260 You know, I was asking, or thinking last week, who listens to the show, and I wanted to know,

00:08:29.460 and so we got a couple of people that chimed in and let us know.

00:08:34.200 Here we go.

00:08:37.400 Hey, Theo.

00:08:38.440 I'm calling from Phoenix, Arizona.

00:08:41.040 Oh, Phoenix, Arizona.

00:08:43.040 And my mother used to live over there outside of Phoenix. 1.00

00:08:48.300 And Phoenix, if you know Arizona State University, beautifulest.

00:08:54.300 They got some real beautiful ladies running around over there. 1.00

00:08:58.400 I mean, they got, I'm surprised they don't have real carnivores in that area, a lot of,

00:09:04.600 because they got some ladies over there, you'll see some booty cheeks make you want to, 1.00

00:09:09.200 damn, get a fork and knife out, bro. 0.99

00:09:12.720 You know, turn you into a little, that kind of snack of dactyl, really. 1.00

00:09:17.500 So, but thank you for calling, young lady.

00:09:19.960 Onward.

00:09:20.780 I'm a special ed teacher, and I just wanted to call and say that you do a kick-ass job

00:09:25.520 on your podcast.

00:09:27.940 I normally listen to you when I'm getting ready for work.

00:09:31.920 Oh, you're a special ed teacher, and that's beautiful.

00:09:34.060 And I actually, you know, a lot of people know that I've, you know, beat down syndrome

00:09:39.180 when I was born, and I've had a lot of, you know, I've had interactions.

00:09:46.600 I'll tell you, actually, I feel bad about this, but when I was in third grade or first grade,

00:09:53.960 and who knows which one it was.

00:09:56.660 I mean, nobody really, you know, nobody ever knows, really.

00:10:01.560 And they had a, next to us was special education.

00:10:08.820 And I would sneak in there and steal.

00:10:12.700 They had these kind of orange slices and these lime slices,

00:10:17.660 these kind of green little sugar.

00:10:19.160 look like a little, like somebody, like a little handful of somebody

00:10:26.820 made a little sugar, like a chewy sugar chunk.

00:10:32.920 These little sugar hitters, and I'd sneak in there and eat them all 1.00

00:10:35.840 while the special ed kids were out doing recess or just doing something.

00:10:43.620 I don't even know what they were doing.

00:10:44.480 It was riding around town or whatever, you know, not at school

00:10:47.140 or not in the classroom.

00:10:49.520 And, and honestly, I've always felt a little bit bad about that.

00:10:54.600 So I want to apologize about that right now.

00:10:58.120 I would sneak in there.

00:11:00.200 And dude, sometimes I would lock myself in the cab, in the cupboard.

00:11:04.780 They had a tall cupboard.

00:11:05.840 I'd get in there and I'd start eating these candies.

00:11:09.840 Because our teacher, Miss Lewis, would give you permission

00:11:12.500 to go to the restroom sometimes.

00:11:15.200 If you were an appropriate child.

00:11:19.900 Now we had some inappropriate, you know, we had some real inappropriates

00:11:24.820 kind of milling around.

00:11:26.720 We had kids who, you know, alphabet deniers and stuff.

00:11:31.020 You know, kids that didn't want to read and all kinds.

00:11:34.140 But she would let you go get to the, to the restroom 1.00

00:11:37.840 and so you'd be in the hall by yourself.

00:11:40.260 So I'd sneak into the, um, special ed room and get their candies

00:11:45.380 and get in that candy closet. 1.00

00:11:47.600 And the second I opened that door, they had so many candies.

00:11:52.780 They had those, uh, Tootsie Roll, the long ones, you know,

00:11:58.960 that kind of make you, ooh, ooh.

00:12:01.580 That kind of make you really, that kind of make you start thinking

00:12:05.840 about what you're into as a young fella.

00:12:07.940 You know, you put two of them big fellas in your mouth. 1.00

00:12:10.280 You might, you know, you might, uh,

00:12:14.840 you might end up in a unique parade later on in your life.

00:12:18.940 And so I'd get in there and I'd start just eating the lime slices

00:12:22.240 and eating, I'd have probably maybe 30 pieces of candy.

00:12:24.840 And then I'd come back to the class

00:12:27.620 and I'd have forgotten to go urinate.

00:12:30.680 And so I'd have to sit there the rest of the time

00:12:33.260 and, and suffer with the full bladder.

00:12:37.500 And it's funny because the pain of having to urinate

00:12:40.060 would almost be, it would, every time I remembered,

00:12:43.360 oh, I got to pee so bad, I would feel ashamed

00:12:45.880 because I'd stolen them children's candies.

00:12:48.500 They're sweet, uh, the sweet treats.

00:12:50.800 And anyway, I'm sorry, I'm rambling.

00:12:53.900 Yes, thank you for calling in, Onward.

00:12:56.360 Since I'm a special ed teacher and I work right now

00:12:59.700 in behavior specifically, it's very stressful.

00:13:03.760 So I'd like to start off my day with one of your episodes

00:13:07.700 because it just kind of sets me in that mood to get ready

00:13:10.520 and be positive and know that everything is going to be okay.

00:13:15.040 So thank you, dude, for all that you do.

00:13:18.580 Thank me, thank you.

00:13:21.540 You know, I think about that, uh, as brave you.

00:13:25.100 It's, uh, well, it's not, you have a special gift

00:13:28.520 to be able to work with children that's really, you know,

00:13:32.620 that have autism or, you know, unique gifts from God

00:13:36.540 or they're a lot of mentally challenged people.

00:13:40.420 It seemed like they're doing more insider trading.

00:13:42.440 It seemed like they're operating on the inside.

00:13:45.740 You know, we're out here operating on the outside

00:13:48.020 for the most part.

00:13:50.180 And some of us are 100% out here and nothing inside.

00:13:53.640 And some of us are 50-50.

00:13:56.460 But sometimes a lot of, you know, mental children, 0.94

00:14:01.300 when I was growing up, it would seem they were, um,

00:14:04.580 they were, uh, they were more like 80 inside, 20 outside.

00:14:11.060 So they had a lot more, you know, you gotta,

00:14:14.820 it's almost like a Rubik's Cube.

00:14:16.400 You gotta do a lot of twisting and turning

00:14:18.200 to kind of get the, get the walls to all match up.

00:14:21.660 And it takes a lot of patience.

00:14:24.480 So I can't even really imagine, you know, um,

00:14:28.440 how much patience you have to be.

00:14:31.660 I mean, you must, you must, you must just have to be full of patience

00:14:35.100 because, uh, I mean, I just, I imagine if we cracked you open

00:14:41.620 that something would come out, but only if we waited a while

00:14:46.100 because that's patience, you know, like, I just can't imagine it,

00:14:52.600 you know, and, and so thank you for, for your service right there.

00:14:56.920 And, uh, and thank you for the compliment.

00:14:58.420 And I hope you have a great day today.

00:15:01.120 You know, I hope you, you know, uh, and those kids

00:15:05.020 that you're working with in the future, they get the next go around.

00:15:07.640 They get the big trip next time.

00:15:09.900 You know, we all, we all take turns.

00:15:12.520 I believe that.

00:15:13.620 Like, I'm here this time doing what I do, being a loud mouth.

00:15:19.720 And next time I'll be, you know, I'm kind of a more sensitive loud mouth.

00:15:24.400 Next time I might be a warrior, like a deaf warrior. 1.00

00:15:28.380 So you'll see me with no listening skills,

00:15:31.260 but maybe be a lightweight champion of the world.

00:15:35.800 Or I might be like a, you know, a little show animal or something

00:15:40.820 that, you know, doesn't do a lot and does, you know, does cigarettes or something.

00:15:47.320 So it's, you know, everybody gets the term where you have,

00:15:51.200 where we get to see what it's like to be that next thing,

00:15:55.360 that next type of person.

00:15:58.520 So, uh, I guess I'm just envious.

00:16:01.100 You know, I had a day one time I was a student and we went to India, uh, earth.

00:16:09.020 And we worked on a disabled children's home over there.

00:16:13.220 And a lot of these children, they didn't have wheelchairs or chairs.

00:16:21.040 And they were just crawling around on the ground, you know.

00:16:25.260 And, uh, and our job for the day was to help move.

00:16:28.520 They had different sediment and different pieces of cement or something.

00:16:31.500 I don't know what had happened.

00:16:33.100 Somebody left a, probably look about two dump trucks full of some pieces of big cement

00:16:39.200 at a, at a disabled children's home.

00:16:42.120 And we moved it and we made it and moved it around and opened up a little play area for them.

00:16:47.020 But, uh, but man, it was, you know, it was the one day in my life where I really felt of service,

00:16:53.900 like a hundred percent.

00:16:55.940 I remember getting to the end of that day and just feeling like, wow, man, um,

00:17:01.880 just felt so good.

00:17:03.600 Um, but thank you for your service.

00:17:05.500 I'm glad we can get you going.

00:17:06.560 I'm glad to be a part of whatever we're doing here and, uh, and getting you going.

00:17:10.200 So I hope you have a wonderful day over there.

00:17:12.400 Uh, let's get it.

00:17:13.340 Who else is listening?

00:17:14.160 Let's try out one more.

00:17:15.300 My name is Tim.

00:17:17.300 Big Tim out there.

00:17:19.580 And, you know, Tim is always that kind of neighbor guy, you know, he's a little, 0.97

00:17:24.680 some of them he'll be out shooting hoops at night, but you're like, damn, what's going on, Tim? 0.94

00:17:29.500 You, you got a family, you know, or Tim's the kind of guy where, you know, 0.96

00:17:34.220 you won't have seen his wife for like a month and you'd be like, dang, Tim.

00:17:38.620 Oh, where's Diane? 1.00

00:17:42.560 But let's hear more.

00:17:43.520 Thank you for listening, Tim.

00:17:44.580 And I listened to your podcast after I dropped my kids off.

00:17:49.340 Oh yeah, man.

00:17:50.480 Oh, oh, oh.

00:17:51.120 I see what you're saying.

00:17:51.820 Actual kids.

00:17:52.520 Cause that's a euphemism also for, uh, going to the restroom. 0.93

00:17:57.360 Onward.

00:17:58.440 At school.

00:17:59.120 I'm a stay-at-home dad.

00:18:01.200 And I.

00:18:01.440 S.O.D., bruh. 1.00

00:18:05.220 Damn, boy. 1.00

00:18:07.600 Stay-at-home dad. 1.00

00:18:11.140 Wow.

00:18:12.620 Oh, that'd be so much fun.

00:18:14.480 Cause I remember staying at home when I was a kid. 0.99

00:18:18.060 Shit was great. 0.99

00:18:20.760 Making stuff, making your own food, remember that? 1.00

00:18:24.240 Dude, one day for lunch, bro, I had 16 pieces of cheese.

00:18:27.980 Mmm, mmm.

00:18:31.480 Remember that?

00:18:34.000 Cheese steaks.

00:18:34.520 I remember I heard about, uh, cheese steaks.

00:18:38.760 And a cheese steak is when, I guess, I don't know. 0.98

00:18:43.260 But I thought it was that you just put a bunch of cheese in like a, you know, as much of a meat shape as you could and just had that bitch, you know? 1.00

00:18:51.960 So I made a perfect T-bone out of cheese out of about 16 pieces of American. 0.94

00:18:56.500 And, you know what I'm saying?

00:18:58.920 GBA, boy, God bless them. 0.98

00:19:01.820 And, uh, and had me a beautiful ass cheese steak while I watched. 0.93

00:19:06.260 It wasn't high, uh, One Life to Live or something. 0.85

00:19:10.300 My grandmother got me on to some of the, uh, soap operas.

00:19:14.200 And a soap opera is something basically where it's like a lot of, I guess it's kind of where people, they fantasize, I think, about having sex with somebody else. 0.56

00:19:25.660 But instead of doing that, they just watch a soap opera and have a snack.

00:19:29.860 Um, what else we got?

00:19:34.500 Thank you for calling, Tim.

00:19:35.340 Let's hear more.

00:19:36.280 And I just love how real you talk.

00:19:38.480 You don't hold anything back.

00:19:40.220 I'm in Wisconsin.

00:19:41.520 And, uh, I'm sure you know, like, your vibe has felt the same everywhere.

00:19:46.540 But we definitely feel it out here.

00:19:49.460 All right, buddy.

00:19:50.080 Love you.

00:19:50.460 Love you, too, Tim, man.

00:19:53.520 Uh, thanks for calling.

00:19:54.700 And, dude, have fun at the house today, bud.

00:19:57.440 If the ladies out there working, pfft, dude, get a slip and slide. 1.00

00:20:03.680 Sell the fucking furniture, dude, online. 1.00

00:20:07.080 Dude, you're living the dream. 1.00

00:20:09.740 Do whatever you want.

00:20:12.260 Oh, man, when you were at home, that was one thing nice during summertime.

00:20:15.460 When you were home, wake up.

00:20:18.900 So, as long as there was milk, if there wasn't milk, my day was going to hell.

00:20:25.940 But if there was milk, I was, I was feeling good.

00:20:30.080 Because you could have cereal, get a little bit of this, cut on an episode of something, do a video game.

00:20:37.800 You know, and if you hadn't, if you hadn't hit perbity yet, you just do fun stuff all day.

00:20:42.340 See what the neighbors are up to.

00:20:44.600 Make sure the house key's under the mat when you leave.

00:20:48.900 Dude, how crazy is it that we keep the house, every house key's under the mat.

00:20:56.480 If there's any bur, if there's a burglar who can't get into a house, 1.00

00:21:02.800 fuck him, bruh. 1.00

00:21:06.700 Then he ain't a good burglar. 1.00

00:21:08.840 Let me, every burglar, I have to be honest with you, the house key is under the mat.

00:21:16.220 Or it's in the little frog, or it's in the little goose.

00:21:20.100 They got a little trap door under the frog, and that's, the house key is right there.

00:21:27.200 Because sometimes you'll see a burglar, like they catch a burglar by like the back window.

00:21:31.220 He's back there with a screwdriver.

00:21:34.040 Dude, what? 0.99

00:21:37.360 Are you crazy? 0.99

00:21:38.800 There's no screws on a window, first of all, bucko. 0.99

00:21:42.640 Dude, the key's under the mat.

00:21:44.140 Come in the front door.

00:21:46.940 Just baffling to me sometimes.

00:21:48.740 What's going on?

00:21:51.340 This weekend for me, what happened this past weekend?

00:21:53.660 I'm just kind of rambling.

00:21:54.560 Well, oh, Long Neck came out to the show.

00:22:02.300 You know, and we're distant cousins, people ask.

00:22:05.600 And so he came out, and it was a good experience, man.

00:22:10.140 It was nice to see him.

00:22:11.200 You know, he's a young guy.

00:22:13.280 People don't realize it.

00:22:14.420 They think he's just that necky, neck neck.

00:22:17.720 People all, you know, just think he's, you know, he's naked even if he ain't.

00:22:21.940 He could be fully clothed and still be naked.

00:22:25.120 You know, he's that esophageal guy.

00:22:29.440 You know, it's like, it's almost like you can play that game where you put your hands up a bat until somebody wins.

00:22:35.820 You could do that right on my boy right there.

00:22:39.080 And his real name is David, and he doesn't smoke or drink.

00:22:43.340 You know, he doesn't do drugs.

00:22:46.400 And he's a young guy.

00:22:48.040 People don't realize that.

00:22:49.840 He's a young dude.

00:22:52.060 There's no work for his parents out there, and he lives outside of Flint.

00:22:58.700 And, you know, he lives with his family, but there's not a lot of opportunity out there.

00:23:05.520 So he said this is a really tough time.

00:23:07.660 We had a nice time, actually, chatting.

00:23:09.600 He said it's tough because there's a lot of gangs.

00:23:15.320 There's a lot of, like, violence and stuff.

00:23:17.360 A lot of people get jealous of him, which must be wild.

00:23:23.220 It's like he kind of has this unique look, and then people get jealous of him.

00:23:27.160 And he's only 19, so he's just, you know, trying to be alive.

00:23:34.480 And he said that some people have taken advantage of him and, like, in business and stuff like that.

00:23:40.640 But he had a nice group with him, and they came out, and we broke some bread backstage and just had a nice meal.

00:23:48.720 And he likes fries.

00:23:50.040 You know, he likes French fries.

00:23:53.240 So mostly if you see him, you know, just filling up his body, it's with fries.

00:23:58.480 So he's fried up.

00:23:59.520 But, yeah, it was a good time, man.

00:24:03.120 We hung out.

00:24:04.040 What else?

00:24:04.540 And the shows were great.

00:24:05.440 So many great people came out.

00:24:08.000 So many just, man, I just, man, so many nice people.

00:24:13.680 The first show I thought was really amazing.

00:24:15.880 The second show was good.

00:24:17.080 It wasn't as good to me.

00:24:19.920 But you know how I am.

00:24:21.100 I'm kind of hard on myself.

00:24:23.680 But, yeah, we had a good time.

00:24:25.340 We brought Damn Long Neck up on stage at the end of the first show, and we sang We Are the World with a beautiful group.

00:24:33.380 We had some diversity up there.

00:24:34.920 We got a couple Tinos up there, you know, a couple Dark Aardvarks up there. 1.00

00:24:41.300 We had a beautiful squad.

00:24:43.520 We had a girl, I think, who was, I don't even know, dude, freaking great, you know, awesome.

00:24:49.420 And so everybody was up there, and we sang We Are the World together.

00:24:53.260 I'm going to try to get that video for you.

00:24:55.340 But, yeah, it was just a good experience, man.

00:24:59.460 It was a good experience.

00:25:01.140 And I'm glad he got to come in town.

00:25:02.700 And I'm just glad I got to kind of chat with him and see what his world is like on a one-to-one basis.

00:25:08.600 And I found him to just be like a nice kid.

00:25:11.280 You know, just nice and just, you know, just, I mean, just imagine anybody else from a community that's kind of a troubled community,

00:25:19.200 and there's not a lot of opportunity, and who gets this kind of weird or unique Instagram popularity.

00:25:27.980 So it was interesting, man.

00:25:32.500 It was interesting.

00:25:33.940 But I'm glad that he came out, and I'm grateful to everybody that came through.

00:25:38.900 I'll tell you this, dude.

00:25:40.240 They had a...

00:25:41.760 Oh, I'll tell you this, actually, that today's episode is brought to you by Gray Block Pizza.

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00:27:51.400 You know, when I put a photo up on my Instagrams of me and David, damn long neck.

00:28:21.280 And some of his buddies, and I didn't know any of the other guys, really. 0.97

00:28:24.580 I've seen some of their stuff online.

00:28:27.220 And people like, you know, one guy's like, I can't support this type of stuff, you know.

00:28:35.000 You support these types of people.

00:28:38.080 And it just made me kind of mad.

00:28:39.760 It's like, what do you mean these types?

00:28:41.000 You know, P-Wood, you think he's a privileged kid? 0.98

00:28:46.580 I mean, I know he's a silly kid at 19. 1.00

00:28:49.060 He makes ridiculous stuff online. 0.99

00:28:52.180 You know, but you think that kid's privileged? 0.97

00:28:54.180 Some young kid growing up in Flint, Michigan?

00:28:58.140 You think he has some special opportunity?

00:29:01.060 You know, it's just like, you know, it's like, I don't know.

00:29:07.980 And then it also, I feel bad because it made me think like, oh, well.

00:29:12.280 Like, I don't spend, you know.

00:29:15.520 I mean, David reminds me of people that I grew up around.

00:29:20.280 You know, he reminds me of the neighborhood that I grew up in.

00:29:22.200 But, dude, I'll tell you this, bro, I show up to the improv, he's outside, him and his gang, bro.

00:29:29.220 He's got a wildcat with him named Gucci Barry.

00:29:31.540 And this guy, he's probably 50 years old, you know, half of his teeth.

00:29:37.680 He's always getting people beating him in the nuts and stuff online.

00:29:42.380 To me, it's not my vibe, really.

00:29:45.020 Really at all, really.

00:29:46.440 But he's a nice guy.

00:29:47.700 And I roll up to the improv, they're out front with no shirts on.

00:29:54.980 Zero shirts.

00:29:58.320 Dude, I've gone to the improv for 15 years.

00:30:01.000 I've gone to the improv in Hollywood, California on Melrose Avenue.

00:30:08.120 Never once have I seen someone without a shirt on there.

00:30:14.440 But today, I roll up, they're sitting out front.

00:30:17.480 No shirts, boy.

00:30:20.000 I said, gang, gang, baby.

00:30:23.180 It's people.

00:30:25.800 You know, it's people.

00:30:28.380 I mean, it's people, man.

00:30:31.140 And the second I feel like I'm not people, man, I don't care what they are.

00:30:34.700 I don't care if Dave is black or white or Latino or, you know, Peruvian or Veruca Salt or whatever he is.

00:30:45.040 You know? 1.00

00:30:45.940 I don't care if he fucking, you know, reaches into his pants and pulls out a damn tail. 1.00

00:30:52.020 It's people. 0.99

00:30:54.260 So, anyway, I shouldn't, and it didn't bother me.

00:30:57.300 It just made me, I don't know, part of me did worry.

00:31:00.180 It was like, well, what if, you know, if people think that I'm associated with these kind of people or if they think I'm this, then what is that going to be?

00:31:07.000 I guess in the end, I guess I'm really just disappointed that it made me doubt myself.

00:31:13.960 You know, it made me think, well, what are people going to think?

00:31:19.280 Because I like to, you know, I wish I didn't live in that space where I worried about that.

00:31:25.280 Where I worried about what people thought.

00:31:27.760 What's in their heads.

00:31:28.980 About me.

00:31:33.320 And I hope to get there, you know, I hope to aim to be in that space more.

00:31:40.040 And I don't even know how I ever got there, probably when I was young.

00:31:43.600 Well, I think probably I didn't know how I felt about myself.

00:31:48.040 You know, I had no real self-awareness.

00:31:50.140 And the only way I did feel about myself wasn't good.

00:31:55.540 So, of course, I'm going to need other people to like me.

00:31:59.640 I'm going to need them to feel good.

00:32:02.720 Because that's the only way I know if I'm doing okay.

00:32:07.320 You know, if I ask myself, it's like yelling into a cave when I was young.

00:32:11.800 So, it almost makes sense that I even do work as a comedian.

00:32:22.140 Because it's like I needed to know that.

00:32:27.260 It's like I got my own feeling of feeling okay from them.

00:32:35.320 So, it's almost like I need.

00:32:37.540 I'm trying to think about this a little more.

00:32:39.380 I know in a simple way, it's like, oh, what people think about you.

00:32:44.720 Oh, you care about what people think about you.

00:32:47.040 Yes.

00:32:47.980 But I'm trying to think about how I, you know, I got what I thought about myself from how other people responded to me.

00:33:04.860 I think that really is more how what was going on with me.

00:33:09.380 You know, because that's the only way I knew, you know, and that's, so, yeah, nobody, you know, I just wasn't filled up with, hey, you're, you know, you're, you're okay.

00:33:23.560 There wasn't enough of those.

00:33:25.300 And if there were, maybe there were, and I couldn't even hear them.

00:33:27.820 And that's where sometimes you, it's like, man, we're all special ed.

00:33:34.100 We're all special needs.

00:33:35.640 You know, and it makes me feel good to know that there's a lady out there. 1.00

00:33:43.400 Hey, Theo, I'm calling from Phoenix, Arizona.

00:33:47.120 I'm a special ed.

00:33:48.800 Who's driving somewhere to take care of some kids.

00:33:53.820 Man, that's great.

00:33:55.160 That's awesome.

00:33:55.900 It's nice to know that there is, when these kids get home, that this guy.

00:34:00.860 Hey, Theo, my name is Tim, and I listen to your podcast after I drop my kids off at school.

00:34:08.920 I'm a stay-at-home dad.

00:34:10.080 That when the kids get off the bus, Timmy's out there with a little tray of muffins or a cigarette.

00:34:17.200 I don't know if the kids smoke or what he does with his kids, but he's out there.

00:34:22.000 That's nice to know.

00:34:24.520 That the, you know, that people, that we're filling these youngsters up with some type of connection.

00:34:32.640 And, um, I'm just kind of rambling, but, uh, but, yeah, what else is going on with me right now?

00:34:42.940 Um, you know, I'm trying to, I've just been trying to think about, like, you know, this, just, just kind of, I guess just kind of wanting to just,

00:35:00.300 I've just been feeling so busy sometimes that I don't know, it's hard to know, like, if I'm feeling okay or not.

00:35:06.880 So, I've just got to try and check in with myself a little bit more.

00:35:10.520 And just kind of, you know, just make sure that I'm doing okay.

00:35:13.300 And I feel like I am.

00:35:15.360 Um, it was just, you know, I used to have just kind of more time to just, you know, I guess just even chill out or take a nap or get a little, uh, frosty or something.

00:35:28.400 I love frosties.

00:35:31.160 And I love, what else do I love?

00:35:33.980 You know what I miss I was thinking about the other day?

00:35:37.100 Musical chairs.

00:35:39.340 Dude, remember musical chairs.

00:35:44.240 Remember at school?

00:35:45.360 I don't even know when it happened.

00:35:46.780 But about once every two years, some new legislation came down at school.

00:35:54.720 And they once again allowed kids to play musical chairs.

00:35:59.220 That's where they put like seven chairs in the middle of a room. 0.74

00:36:03.360 And they put like 40 kids in the room.

00:36:05.880 And it was just bonkers.

00:36:08.520 You remember how crazy it was?

00:36:10.840 You remember it?

00:36:11.960 It was like, uh, it was almost like the Royal Rumble, like WWF Royal Rumble.

00:36:18.200 And they had everybody, oh, suddenly every, you start to see who people are.

00:36:23.880 You'd have a little, you know, a couple sets of twins.

00:36:26.380 These two females, buddy, over there sharpening their teeth with a real file. 1.00

00:36:30.280 You're like, damn. 1.00

00:36:31.120 You know, these bitches getting a seat. 1.00

00:36:35.620 Suddenly all the white kids were like, oh, we're going to have a chance to do something athletically. 1.00

00:36:42.600 Musical chairs.

00:36:45.560 And then the music would start all around the mulberry bush.

00:36:52.880 And people are just, just eyeing the other person.

00:36:59.000 Suddenly a friend was not a friend at all.

00:37:03.560 Suddenly some kid had just reached in his bag and just painted his face up like, uh, William Wallace.

00:37:11.060 You know, he's like, we are free.

00:37:13.700 Tell them Scotland is free.

00:37:17.860 Other kids was getting scared.

00:37:19.980 One kid fainted, bruh.

00:37:22.140 Dude, whatever, son.

00:37:25.300 You out, bruh.

00:37:26.940 You out.

00:37:27.640 You can't handle musical chairs.

00:37:29.380 You ain't going to handle musical the rest of your life then. 0.91

00:37:33.080 Go move to somewhere else, bruh, and be weak, daddy.

00:37:35.860 We got to go.

00:37:39.560 And then it would stop.

00:37:43.040 And people, you'd see some kid pull out a blade.

00:37:46.700 You know, some rich kid would bring a chair from home.

00:37:49.200 You're like, what?

00:37:50.920 Fauntleroy's, oh, that's, he's cheating.

00:37:54.200 They had some pedos on the side betting on it, laying money.

00:37:59.400 You know, plus 750 on little Reginald over there.

00:38:03.140 And the teacher was smoking cigarettes.

00:38:05.460 It was insane.

00:38:06.200 And then just all these cheeks flying. 1.00

00:38:09.220 It was butt first.

00:38:11.420 It was butt first. 0.97

00:38:13.400 And there's just nothing more just quirky and silly than a bunch of children's butts all flying in the same direction at once. 0.95

00:38:22.260 And you had to get cheek to seat. 0.76

00:38:26.040 Some kids, they'd go for a chair and miss it completely.

00:38:28.780 Shatter their legs. 0.88

00:38:29.860 Shatter their spine.

00:38:31.540 End up in a bag on, you know, end up traveling by sack for the rest of their lives on their dad or mom's back if their mom was strong.

00:38:38.900 Just, you know, just, you had to get two cheeks on the seat and it was yours.

00:38:46.820 And you had somebody be yelling in the distance.

00:38:49.080 Somebody be yelling, cheek that seat. 1.00

00:38:51.680 Cheek that seat.

00:38:55.080 There's people crawling through pipes full of duty.

00:38:58.660 They said it would take a man 600 years to get out of that chair of prison.

00:39:03.480 But musical chairs, Randall did it in less than 20.

00:39:06.780 And, you know, little Daniel's back there in the back.

00:39:10.900 He got him a little Santa sack and he's not even playing.

00:39:13.700 He's just stealing people's stuff.

00:39:17.780 I mean, he's back there.

00:39:18.620 He's taking these, like, just mom-made sandwiches and game boys and just filling up a sack.

00:39:23.320 And he's just, he leaped out the window.

00:39:26.640 Right on the back of a greyhound.

00:39:28.900 He left town that we never even saw him.

00:39:31.560 Because, you know, Daniel, you know, he makes his own choices. 0.99

00:39:35.000 But, damn, boy, musical chairs, the game in, somebody, it came down to two people, one chair. 0.98

00:39:44.820 And it was actually kind of a great thing for regular life. 0.99

00:39:47.640 This is regular life.

00:39:50.500 It's going to be survival of the fittest. 0.99

00:39:55.180 You got to get that ass right. 0.99

00:39:57.320 Because it's cheek first sometimes. 1.00

00:39:59.180 You got to put your ass on the line. 1.00

00:40:04.500 And, you know, somebody win. 1.00

00:40:05.980 You don't, and that you win, and they're supposed to give you some candies.

00:40:08.940 And they go in the cupboard. 1.00

00:40:10.020 And who knows, some little asshole kid ate all of them lime slices. 1.00

00:40:17.160 Some sneaky little white boy, that poli Nicaragua, snacked up all the lime slices. 1.00

00:40:24.720 And little Daniel, he's already, he's halfway to Tacoma. 0.66

00:40:29.540 And he got that bag of, you know, maybe lukewarm muffins and some ham sandwiches and some pudding packs, bro.

00:40:36.400 And he's keyed up.

00:40:37.680 Come on, boy, get in there.

00:40:42.120 Man, I just, I mean, it was God's game.

00:40:46.720 I mean, it was God's game, man.

00:40:48.580 Let's get into a couple more calls.

00:40:55.560 Here's one we got.

00:40:56.480 As always, the hotline is 985-664-9503.

00:41:01.200 And the hotline is, you know, it's a, it's a, it's just, you know, if something's going on, what's happening?

00:41:09.000 If you're not, if you're struggling with something, if there's something that we can try to do to help,

00:41:13.880 if you want to share a response to something on the show, you can always hit it.

00:41:19.860 And again, it's 985-664-9503.

00:41:24.680 Let's take a call right here.

00:41:27.120 Hey, what's going on, Theo?

00:41:28.860 It's Jonathan from Shreveport.

00:41:31.060 What's up, Shreveport?

00:41:33.860 And I used to, the cops, after the comedy,

00:41:36.860 the cops would come by, these bicycle cops, and they would tase you if you wanted. 0.99

00:41:40.860 And you could, you didn't even have to be a criminal, and they would tase you with the damn taser. 0.93

00:41:46.820 So, you know, they got some rare kind of tourist attractions around there. 0.99

00:41:52.920 Let's hear more.

00:41:54.380 Man, I was listening to the podcast earlier, and you were talking about being in a relationship.

00:42:00.340 I think you're 39, and I'm 35, man.

00:42:07.500 And I was scared of relationships just like you for a long time, 0.98

00:42:11.540 because, like, I come from alcoholic parents and a broken home and all that shit. 0.98

00:42:17.400 And, man, it was like, oh, and dealing drugs for a long time. 0.99

00:42:24.640 It was like everybody was business-related or business-oriented.

00:42:29.660 Like, I had girlfriends, but they were more like homeboys, you know?

00:42:34.240 Oh, yeah, drugs will make a, turn a girlfriend into more of a girl fiend, you know, onward. 1.00

00:42:40.860 But I met Stephanie, the woman I'm with now, and, dude, it really changed me.

00:42:48.560 I mean, she's a genuine person, so it is worth the risk to face the fear, I would say.

00:42:57.160 Gang, man, I appreciate you saying that, dude.

00:43:00.500 And, yeah, yeah, I guess everybody needs a little Stephanie on them. 0.96

00:43:06.960 Everybody needs, yeah, I'm sure somebody comes along and kind of just makes it.

00:43:12.560 I mean, my biggest fear, I think, right now in, like, a practical sense, on a surface sense,

00:43:19.880 is I just don't know that I trust myself not to cheat, not to, you know,

00:43:28.380 I still got that sugar lizard sometimes in my wiener, you know, in my body wiener.

00:43:35.820 And, you know, if that lizard gets thinking, bruh, then I'll, you know, I'll get pinking, you feel me?

00:43:45.420 I mean, that's kind of obtuse, and I don't want to say that, but I'll try to get out there looking for some loin.

00:43:51.560 You know, I'll get out there kind of just, just kind of just standing around,

00:43:58.980 just kind of looking for some trim, trimming them, whatever you say I am, you know?

00:44:04.420 Mom's spaghetti, bruh, you feel me? 0.84

00:44:06.720 I'll take a girl out for Mom's spaghetti to try to frickin' serve up that meatball, you gotty. 1.00

00:44:13.720 So, I just, I don't know sometimes, man.

00:44:17.420 I think that's one of the things. 1.00

00:44:18.940 And then, fuck, bruh, I got so many fucking problems, bruh. 1.00

00:44:23.340 Jesus Christ, dude. 1.00

00:44:24.740 I might as well just build a church around my damn head and my heart. 1.00

00:44:29.000 I might as well. 1.00

00:44:30.080 You know what I should do is just live in a church.

00:44:32.000 Or something like that.

00:44:34.140 It would help.

00:44:34.640 Or a TP or a Native American church.

00:44:37.440 Let's hear more.

00:44:38.260 You sound like you might be on a couple of lewds as well, Daddy.

00:44:40.640 You might be, you know, a couple milligrams deep right now.

00:44:43.840 Because now that I got kids, everything's different, man.

00:44:49.440 Like, I stopped doing everything illegal, started making legal money.

00:44:55.380 I mean, it's been a real, real long road, but it's really worth it.

00:45:00.900 And I didn't trust anybody, man.

00:45:04.000 And at one time, if I couldn't make a dollar off of you, I didn't really mess with you.

00:45:09.920 Dang, bruh.

00:45:11.320 Wow.

00:45:12.740 Yeah, so, you know, I feel you in a lot of that.

00:45:15.180 Yeah, it's like you got to have opportunity for transformation.

00:45:18.420 And it sounds like somebody real special came along and made you believe in something greater than yourself.

00:45:25.360 And that's pretty powerful.

00:45:26.340 You know, I'm amazed at the way that goodness really works in the world.

00:45:35.220 You know, I'm just amazed, man.

00:45:38.820 I'm amazed at how many people, you know, I'm feeling in some type of way, negative or this or that,

00:45:43.640 and somebody comes along and their positivity just shows me the other half of the world that,

00:45:50.500 or really the other, most of the world that I'm not seeing.

00:45:56.340 You know, because if I'm seeing things negatively, a lot of that's my choice. 0.96

00:46:01.160 You know, you walk into hell with a smile, bruh.

00:46:06.380 I mean, you could even, you might even be able to make the devil think different.

00:46:13.540 You know, it's just powerful sometimes to just do that contrary action. 0.99

00:46:20.120 Oh, it's easy to show up at work and be a dick and do this and that. 0.97

00:46:24.140 It's hard. 0.98

00:46:24.820 Some guy works for you or you work for your boss. 1.00

00:46:27.800 He's a dick or you're a dick to show up and just, I'm going to try this different. 1.00

00:46:33.800 What if today I walked up and said just, hey, look, what, you might be the best damn employee or employer. 1.00

00:46:42.500 They might be the worst. 0.91

00:46:43.880 And if you said, hey, look, what can I do differently to help the situation here?

00:46:50.140 Even if you're, you might already be doing it great. 0.99

00:46:52.860 But that right there is going to make them think, damn. 0.99

00:46:55.760 Is the world changing? 1.00

00:46:58.620 Because I thought my boss or I thought the guy working under me, I thought he was an asshole. 1.00

00:47:04.860 Wow, the world's changing. 1.00

00:47:06.340 It's really the world.

00:47:07.620 People are asking, what can they do to help somebody?

00:47:11.660 Wow.

00:47:12.660 I better get on that bus. 0.99

00:47:14.760 Because I'm over here on this other shitty bus. 0.92

00:47:16.720 There's only one other person on it. 0.94

00:47:18.860 It's a young fellow named Daniel, bro.

00:47:20.600 And he got a sack full of game boys.

00:47:23.400 So I don't, I got to get on this new bus that's headed in a new direction.

00:47:27.080 And that's my perspective.

00:47:30.380 And I think I'm sounding a little bit preachy, man.

00:47:32.680 I'm sorry about that.

00:47:35.580 You know, I've been having a, my patience has just been real short with myself.

00:47:39.560 And I notice sometimes I get preachy when I'm, when I just, when I haven't been resting enough, really.

00:47:49.560 And when I haven't been at peace enough, I just, or when I've been too busy, I get more preachy.

00:47:54.240 So I'm not trying to preach at you. 1.00

00:47:56.120 And I'm, I'm really trying to tell myself that I, you know, I want to be brave enough when a, when a situation is shitty, when somebody's done something wrong to me, instead of saying, hey, fuck you. 0.99

00:48:13.360 I want to be able to say, hey, how can I help, man? 0.98

00:48:20.340 What's going on?

00:48:21.240 You're upset today?

00:48:22.120 You need to make five extra dollars off of me?

00:48:25.040 Go on, bro.

00:48:26.120 Get that money.

00:48:28.480 That's going to change.

00:48:29.500 That's going to, you know, nine extra dollars off of today.

00:48:33.020 That's going to make you, you're going to sit at home and be full of, you go on, take it, daddy.

00:48:38.040 I don't know.

00:48:38.820 I do.

00:48:39.220 I'll give you, I'll give you $14.

00:48:43.460 I'll give you $14.

00:48:44.980 You can take the nine and then here's an extra five. 1.00

00:48:47.980 Go home and don't be an asshole to your family. 1.00

00:48:50.080 How about that? 1.00

00:48:50.680 I'll pay you every day to go home and not be an asshole to your family. 1.00

00:48:57.480 You know, let them have it, man. 1.00

00:49:00.880 I just, I don't know.

00:49:02.280 I guess I got, I'm spinning, Brian.

00:49:03.980 I'm getting preachy, man.

00:49:04.820 I'm sorry about that.

00:49:05.620 But thanks for calling, man.

00:49:07.360 And, uh, and sorry, I was thinking you were on Quaaludes, but you, dog, you sound like you might.

00:49:12.220 Look, if they have a Quaalude competition, dude, or voiceover work.

00:49:16.600 If they ever come out with a Smurf or something that's on Ludes, bro, you know, Sneepy, you know, Snaky, Dopey, Doc, Sneezy, uh, you know, Opioidy, bro. 0.93

00:49:32.140 You could audition for them, bro.

00:49:33.420 You got that Ludi, you got that Ludi bat, that baritone Ludi.

00:49:38.160 You got that Ludi, Ludi baritone.

00:49:40.300 You got about 600 milligrams in your voice box, daddy.

00:49:42.980 And I love you, man.

00:49:44.720 Gang, gang, Shreveport all day.

00:49:46.820 And I'm ready to see Dustin Poirier whoop that boy's haze over there in the desert.

00:49:56.820 Operation Diamond Storm, baby.

00:49:59.140 We coming back to the Middle East. 0.70

00:50:03.140 It's going to get rogue, man.

00:50:05.980 And speaking of rogue, there's actually a new, uh, a friend of mine created a game called Streets of Rogue.

00:50:12.980 And it's, uh, it's on Steam.

00:50:16.320 It's on Xbox One.

00:50:18.920 It's on, uh, PlayStation.

00:50:21.320 Um, and it's kind of like, what's that, uh, game?

00:50:27.240 Like Pep Boys?

00:50:29.340 No, it's, uh, Grand Theft Auto.

00:50:32.460 It's like Grand Theft Auto meets Zelda.

00:50:34.700 And you could do anything you want.

00:50:36.000 If you'd like to live in, like, an alternative world on this, on his game, you can, you know, you can be doing cigarettes.

00:50:43.320 You can be doing karate.

00:50:45.520 You know, you could light people up or just light up a smoke. 0.99

00:50:49.120 Uh, you can, you know, you could kill people. 0.94

00:50:53.200 You can have drinks and everything.

00:50:54.820 There's all types of stuff.

00:50:55.840 Juggle, make chocolates.

00:50:57.980 Um, they got tons of opportunities on there.

00:51:00.600 And then you can still be, like, the mayor of the whole, of the whole, you know, little universe on there.

00:51:06.120 So, um, yeah.

00:51:08.960 If you want to check it out, it's called Streets of Rogue.

00:51:12.100 And, uh, and that's my friend Matt made the game.

00:51:16.120 He's a game maker.

00:51:17.880 And, uh, and actually he just got married as well.

00:51:20.100 So, uh, congratulations, uh, Mattski out there.

00:51:24.820 What else?

00:51:26.400 Let's get into a couple more, uh, questions and calls that came in.

00:51:29.140 Here we go.

00:51:30.440 Yo, what's going on, baby?

00:51:33.100 It's Kazi over here in Charlotte. 0.86

00:51:34.800 What's up, Kazi over there in Charlotte, huh? 1.00

00:51:37.420 And I love Charlotte.

00:51:38.700 You want to go to a city that's really white-rific and black-tastic at the same time, boy? 1.00

00:51:46.340 Charlotte.

00:51:47.940 You want to see, uh, you know, cities that are really just, you know, they got that funky, they got funky but also honky.

00:51:57.440 You know, they got that honky-funk vibe going on.

00:52:00.960 And that really is Charlotte, man.

00:52:02.700 One of the best southern restaurants I've ever been to is right over there off by that mall over there downtown.

00:52:07.580 And it's dangerous because the buses go fast there. 0.98

00:52:11.860 So you could lose a family member to a bus, but goddamn, them hush puppies are good, you know? 0.99

00:52:17.880 So you could, uh, you could have a, you could have those and a couple orders of that fried catfish at the wake, you know, at the funeral. 0.98

00:52:26.200 Baby onward.

00:52:26.740 Oh yeah, that's something that, uh, it's a, I don't think it's a super, I guess it is a superpower, I guess.

00:52:50.260 I don't know if everybody could do it, but yeah, if I go into a urinal restroom or, you know, piss area, if I, if somebody's been in there doing a duty or something, I can sometimes, I could smell, I could almost, I can't help but smell it.

00:53:06.300 Like right when I walk in, my, my nose will take a hit and I'll try to, it'll be like, oh yeah, somebody did or no, somebody didn't, or it's been, you know, nine and a half minutes or it's been 60 seconds or, you know, they got two boys, you know, playing these porcelain pipes right there, you know, in a couple stalls right now.

00:53:24.680 They got active shooters in the building onward.

00:53:27.700 Well, it made me think, man, if you're ever over here in Charlotte, I work at this little Tex-Mex joint called Chewy's, come drop into Chewy's, we've got, you know, the women's restroom and the men's restroom and then we've got what we call the family bathroom.

00:53:41.920 Well, what it is, it's a whole different bathroom.

00:53:44.820 It's got, you know, one toilet in there, it's really for changing kids, but all the coworkers go in there and we do drugs and, um, and I didn't say that.

00:53:52.640 And we use the, and we, and we do our own business, but it always smells fresh.

00:53:56.120 We got the, uh, the janitorial, uh, folks, shout out to them, Loretta and, you know, anybody who's listening to this, shout out to y'all.

00:54:03.560 But, um, hell yeah, shout out to anybody that'll be ever cleaning toilets, man.

00:54:07.740 And I used to clean them over there at BJ's Pizza House off of 190 and I used to get me a cold beer and, uh, and I'd go in the bathroom. 0.93

00:54:15.040 I was probably 13 or 14 and I'd drinking beer out of a damn paper cup and I'd be hitting that, that Miller Lite, bro. 1.00

00:54:22.260 And that shit fucking made my cheeks, made fuck, made just, made it feel like squirrels were living in my neck and they were looking each other. 1.00

00:54:31.540 They were looking for each other to fuck, you know. 1.00

00:54:33.480 That's what it felt like when I drank that Miller Lite as a kid. 0.99

00:54:36.600 Second, it poured in, it was so spicy and hot in my, and just, I mean, it was ice cold, but it was just hot inside of it. 0.99

00:54:43.220 It was coldness, but that alcohol had heat in it and it would get in my throat and it just let the damn squirrels loose. 0.99

00:54:50.400 And that shit made me, boy, I'd bite my own ass cheek open if I had, you know, two sips of Miller Lite at the age of 13. 1.00

00:54:58.440 Um, onward. 1.00

00:55:02.020 Y'all did the, y'all did the most work in the restaurant, in fact.

00:55:05.160 But they always keep it smelling great in there.

00:55:08.240 You'll go in there, you, you won't even know the last time that anyone's done some business.

00:55:12.800 Oh, that's beautiful.

00:55:14.260 See, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll have to hit that chewies when I'm local. 1.00

00:55:19.360 Um, oh, I used to love, bro.

00:55:21.680 So, I used to do whippets.

00:55:24.380 I used to get, bro, I'd go lock myself in the, uh, if the toilet was taken,

00:55:28.840 I'd go hit, lock myself in the freezer at the restaurant and I'd be just eating handfuls of bread pudding straight out of the, uh,

00:55:39.440 like the chef would have made it all, but he was cheating on his wife and he was, he was embezzling money. 0.97

00:55:45.000 So, nobody gave a fuck about his recipes, right? 0.85

00:55:48.000 Because really, I want to know what ingredients have gone into your soul before the, what's in the, uh, in the dessert tray, what you put in there. 0.97

00:55:55.800 So, I want to know that first batch of you before I see that, you know, that, that second course.

00:56:02.360 And so, I'd get in there, I'd just be eating handfuls of bread pudding and doing whippets, bro.

00:56:07.280 I'd be, dude, people come in there. 0.97

00:56:09.160 I remember one guy came in and, uh, he's like, dude, what the fuck are you doing in here? 0.93

00:56:14.020 He was a co-worker. 0.96

00:56:15.420 And I was like, hold on just a second, is it just going to be one of you guys today?

00:56:19.940 That's how whippeted out I was.

00:56:21.620 I thought I was at the hostess stand. 0.99

00:56:23.200 And this guy came in and I tried to seat him in the damn freezer, bro. 0.99

00:56:29.540 So, you just got to know who you are, you know, or know who you aren't, I think. 0.99

00:56:40.600 Let's take another call right here.

00:56:42.460 Here we go.

00:56:43.200 Thank you for hitting the hotline and for being here with me this weekend.

00:56:47.600 Or this Monday, actually.

00:56:49.540 Man.

00:56:49.800 Yo, what up, you freaky fed?

00:56:52.920 What up, man?

00:56:54.100 Uh, Nelson here calling from Texas.

00:56:56.460 What's up, Nelson from Tejas?

00:56:58.260 And I appreciate you ringing in, Papa.

00:57:00.060 Onward.

00:57:01.420 Uh, last time I called your show was about a year ago, uh, to be exact, last summer on the

00:57:07.780 Halfway to Christmas episode.

00:57:09.720 And, uh, I believe I was the first mailman to call your show.

00:57:13.980 Uh, I'm actually on the job right now.

00:57:16.060 Gang boy, Nelson out there.

00:57:18.460 And it's Halfway to Christmas.

00:57:20.640 Let's hear more.

00:57:21.920 And I just want to remind you, it's Halfway to Christmas, buddy.

00:57:25.380 I'm out here, uh, free-ranked Elton again, sending me these letters.

00:57:29.440 Uh, and I just want to say you've been keeping me going, man.

00:57:31.480 Appreciate what you do.

00:57:32.360 And, uh, keep on keeping on, brother.

00:57:35.780 Gang, gang.

00:57:36.480 Gang, gang, Papa.

00:57:38.580 Nelson out there.

00:57:40.780 And Nelson, bruh, he's, uh, that's, that's, uh, jolly old St. Nelson-less.

00:57:46.840 St. Nick-a Nelson right there, dude.

00:57:48.880 My man.

00:57:50.440 Halfway to Christmas, Nelson, bruh.

00:57:53.360 H-T-C Nelson. 0.99

00:57:55.360 There, there.

00:57:55.820 Yeah, and yeah, I guess it's that time of year.

00:57:59.720 People don't realize, you know, the mailman, he's been laying low.

00:58:04.300 You know, he's been at the house a lot.

00:58:06.820 You know, having fruit roll-ups.

00:58:09.200 You know, storing nuts in his cheeks.

00:58:11.160 Doing calve lifts in the, in the garage.

00:58:15.900 Trying to get ready, get keyed up, get ready.

00:58:19.600 Because the second half of the year, they start training. 1.00

00:58:21.940 You know, you'll see a mailman at night running down the street with a huge sack of fucking nothing, bruh. 0.98

00:58:28.880 Then a couple weeks later, you'll see him out there with a sack of, uh, you know, fake bricks or something. 0.99

00:58:35.000 A little bit more than nothing.

00:58:37.200 And they start training.

00:58:38.180 They, you'll see a mailman get a big bag and start, you know, stretching it out, making sure.

00:58:43.520 Testing, really testing the, the guttural strength of a bag.

00:58:48.520 And they, they, they getting ready.

00:58:51.940 We don't know that mailman that they want to, you know, a lot of mailmen, they just, they just want to be of service, man.

00:59:01.700 A lot of mailmen, they, they're going to go, they get, they dropping off something good.

00:59:06.880 Make little Larry happy.

00:59:09.340 You know, suddenly a bunch of kids in town need a Game Boy because somebody stole all their Game Boys.

00:59:14.200 And that's Daniel, bruh.

00:59:16.300 And you know, Daniel, man, he makes his own choices.

00:59:20.640 And you gotta, you gotta love that mailman.

00:59:23.200 When you see that guy, you salute him, huh?

00:59:26.720 That's that overnight bad boy.

00:59:28.560 That's that second day air.

00:59:30.500 You gotta hit him up with that.

00:59:32.300 Bam! 0.98

00:59:32.580 You know, anybody, also, these guys, they're all day, they got perfume samples in the bag. 1.00

00:59:39.100 They huffing those bitches. 1.00

00:59:41.340 A mailman? 1.00

00:59:43.100 There's no way, if I'm not a mailman, that I ain't getting hopped up on perfume samples all day.

00:59:51.440 Dude, I'll be, you know, I'll drop a package here, drop a package there.

00:59:57.280 Next thing you know, I'll do about four, open that thing up and do about four hits of cool water cologne right there to the dome.

01:00:05.560 Right, just do nine hits of that, of that Burberry stout or whatever.

01:00:10.960 Dude, I'll be so high on perfume samples, bruh.

01:00:13.920 I'll deliver the mail and then go undeliver it. 0.99

01:00:16.760 Dude, I'll deliver, I'll put four reindeers in front of my mail truck and just drive that bitch around and feed them bitches beer and give them little hits. 1.00

01:00:29.580 Give them a hit of, what else they got? 0.99

01:00:35.420 That Ralph Lauren, that Polo scent scent.

01:00:38.620 Hit them with that fresh, fresh, by the face, face for the snout, boy.

01:00:42.940 Come on.

01:00:44.460 It's different, man.

01:00:45.540 We living.

01:00:47.480 It's halfway to Christmas and thank you, Nelson, for reminding us.

01:00:51.180 So let's get in the spirit now.

01:00:53.300 Don't be one of these December, these Grinches. 0.74

01:00:56.580 Man, don't be one of these Grinches.

01:00:59.000 It's an inch to Christmas and now they're getting a little bit ready.

01:01:03.920 But I'm starting early.

01:01:06.360 Surely.

01:01:08.100 Let's take one more call here.

01:01:09.540 Here we go.

01:01:10.160 Onward.

01:01:11.240 Hey, Theo.

01:01:12.080 This is Matt from Kentucky.

01:01:13.700 Hey, Matthew.

01:01:15.340 Thank you for calling in.

01:01:16.640 And it's beautiful over there.

01:01:17.540 Beautiful hill country over there.

01:01:19.420 And Lexington, man.

01:01:20.460 What a, it's a real, real special place over there.

01:01:23.260 Onward.

01:01:23.520 I was fortunate enough to see you, uh, last, uh, last year, like November, December, down

01:01:30.680 in Lexington, Kentucky, down at the, uh, Comedy Off-Broadway.

01:01:35.180 And, man, you killed it.

01:01:36.440 And, uh, the question that I have, man, is, uh, I want to know something that I'm shocked

01:01:43.560 nobody has asked so far.

01:01:46.580 Theo, buddy.

01:01:48.800 Are you happy, man?

01:01:50.120 I love you, bud.

01:01:53.800 I love you.

01:01:55.580 Love you, too, man.

01:01:56.600 I appreciate you coming out there.

01:01:58.280 Um, and while you were talking, I was just thinking, too, uh, I want to just let everybody

01:02:04.900 know I hope y'all are staying dry and safe that's caught up in the storm and been dealing

01:02:08.780 with Barry.

01:02:10.580 You know Barry.

01:02:12.900 He, you know, you don't know.

01:02:15.300 And, uh, and things can get happened.

01:02:17.540 You got water in the house and suddenly, you know, your kids are, you know, they're playing

01:02:23.800 water games or they're doing white water rafting off of the dish cabinet or something.

01:02:29.880 Uh, you got to make the most of it if you can.

01:02:32.200 Um, but I hope everybody's staying safe and put some floaties on.

01:02:35.700 Put your, put some floaties on your loved ones when you tuck them in the bed.

01:02:39.780 Because, uh, Mother Nature, you know, she wants to work with us, but. 0.97

01:02:45.300 She, you know, she fiery. 0.99

01:02:47.220 You know how these matches can be sometimes.

01:02:50.260 And she's feisty. 1.00

01:02:51.420 She's going to flex, man.

01:02:53.120 Mother Nature's going to flex. 1.00

01:02:56.360 Uh, am I happy?

01:02:57.640 You know, you know what's so funny?

01:02:59.480 I mean, I'm, I think I'm always thinking about this.

01:03:04.060 I think everybody's always thinking, are they happy?

01:03:06.840 Hmm.

01:03:09.960 You know, I don't know, man.

01:03:12.160 I don't, I don't even know if I'm happy with this episode of this podcast.

01:03:15.300 I've been feeling overwhelmed recently, man.

01:03:20.860 I've been feeling like, um, you know, a lot of it is I've just been feeling like I, you know, I've used to, I felt before like I knew exactly who I was.

01:03:30.300 And then as things have gotten busier with work, sometimes I don't know, uh, I still know who I am, but, um, I just need to focus more on.

01:03:40.500 And I just, I don't need to focus more, but I just need to do more things of service to be of service, I think.

01:03:46.140 Uh, I think that'll make me happier.

01:03:50.700 You know, on Tuesday, I got a thing I'm going to do, um, movie night over by the Ronald McDonald house.

01:03:57.900 And Ronald McDonald, he don't do just burgers, man.

01:04:00.740 They do, uh, they have a good charitable organization where they house people that, uh, have family members that are in ICU and stuff like that.

01:04:09.360 And you can go, and so they put them up in this hotel that's free, and it's, uh, and so they have all these families and these children that stay in the hotels while the kids are getting long-term care at hospitals.

01:04:23.840 And so, you know, I decided I was going to go, I used to do Tuesday nights over there, and so I'm starting back, uh, this week.

01:04:32.140 So I'm excited about that.

01:04:33.660 Before King and the Sting, we're doing King and the Sting, uh, just a live show.

01:04:37.100 It's just me and Brendan, but we're doing that live.

01:04:41.200 Um, and, uh, and we're going to do, I'm going to go to the Ronald McDonald house before we're doing movie night.

01:04:48.320 So I'm excited about that.

01:04:49.660 That, you know, I think I just need to make sure that I focus on doing things that do make me feel good.

01:04:56.340 Uh, I think I feel a lot of responsibility because I've been given, um, you know, you get more opportunities.

01:05:05.500 You know, as, as, as my career's changed in the past year, I feel, uh, you know, I feel like I can do more.

01:05:20.160 At the same time, I feel like I need to find ways to be happy with what's going on.

01:05:26.020 You know, I just want to, I don't know, man.

01:05:31.160 Am I happy?

01:05:32.340 Yes.

01:05:32.840 Yes, I am.

01:05:33.440 I'm very happy, man.

01:05:34.460 I get to go, you know, I'm happy.

01:05:35.800 I'm happy when I get, man, I got on stage on Friday night or Saturday night.

01:05:38.840 And man, I just saw so many people in the hall and it was just great.

01:05:42.880 We just had a great time.

01:05:44.000 You know, I just, I just love seeing people be happy.

01:05:47.500 They come out with their wives. 0.58

01:05:48.880 People, some people came out their first show.

01:05:51.180 They never even been out to a show before.

01:05:53.300 This fellow Sebastian, somebody else, this other guy and his brother, you know, a couple.

01:05:58.960 They'd never been to a show before.

01:06:01.600 They'd never been to a comedy show.

01:06:03.500 And then they come out and laugh.

01:06:06.080 And I don't feel like, oh, you know, look at me.

01:06:08.800 I just feel like, oh, man, we, because I need them to laugh for me to feel okay.

01:06:13.280 So we're out here.

01:06:14.140 This is a, this is a team effort.

01:06:17.440 And that kind of stuff does, does make me really happy.

01:06:20.220 I think the things that I let get into me that make me unhappy are if I start thinking other people should be a certain way.

01:06:27.460 That's the kind of stuff I don't like.

01:06:28.740 Like if I, if I get caught up, like in too much, like thinking about political stuff or, you know, thinking that I know something that, that I know more than others.

01:06:40.520 Man, I, I may have different experiences, but every, you know, that doesn't mean that I know anything else more.

01:06:47.440 You know, everybody can learn something from everybody else.

01:06:49.920 And, um, and also I got to realize some stuff that it's not my battle.

01:06:56.260 It's not my fight.

01:06:58.740 You know, it's not my, you know, I just can, I need to do what I can do around those that are close to me, um, to be loving.

01:07:09.500 I need to, you know, I'd like to be less, uh, hard on myself.

01:07:13.120 People always remind me of that.

01:07:14.440 And thank you for all the nice messages that I get about that kind of stuff.

01:07:18.360 Um, you know, I just, it hurts me when people, when I see, you know, young guys, I mean, when I see anybody that's struggling.

01:07:28.740 You know, and it just makes me, you know, we can just do better, I think.

01:07:36.660 And I'm not saying you can do better.

01:07:38.060 I'm just saying, and then all I can do is just do better.

01:07:42.220 You know, this is life.

01:07:43.440 This is a, it's a, it's a, it's a great opportunity, right?

01:07:46.120 To be alive.

01:07:46.880 And, uh, but yeah, I just feel, I guess, some sense of responsibility that, um, since I have some sort of a platform.

01:08:01.100 Not that I could tell anybody what to do or how to be or anything, but I do feel, uh, I don't know.

01:08:11.420 I guess I feel some responsibility to, um, well, it's like, I'll, I just want to, I don't know, man.

01:08:23.080 It's like, I, I, I am happy.

01:08:27.500 You know, I am happy.

01:08:28.680 I just, um, I'm grateful for, you know, for, for the fun stuff I get to do.

01:08:36.700 I get to be in this fun circle where like, dude, I get to talk to Joe Rogan sometimes.

01:08:41.000 I get to, um, dude, I get to meet single moms who, you know, and, and, and give them a hug.

01:08:48.100 Like I wanted to hug my mom when I was young and just, you know, or be a part or like, you know, help out with our Patreon group and help the, you know, do, you know, try and do something nice for them.

01:08:58.180 Like, yeah, I get to do a lot of things that make me feel good.

01:09:02.600 Um, but I think there's something in me that always wants her to be something else.

01:09:07.440 I always want to keep moving the carrot.

01:09:09.020 Uh, and I think like, you know, I want to be able to, you know, that's why I put, I decided I want to go do the Ronald McDonald house again and start that back up because I need something also to just make sure that I stay in a place, um, where I realize like what's important, you know, for me, you know, I don't want to get disconnected, man.

01:09:35.260 I don't ever want to, uh, I don't ever want to look at somebody that needs help and think like, uh, you know, or, or, or look at anybody like that.

01:09:50.080 You know, that's the same way that I felt like people looked at me a lot of my life.

01:09:57.480 You know, people always think like, oh, you know, that, you know, I can only speak from my perception that like, you know, poor white kids have, you know, they have all this opportunity.

01:10:07.760 Everybody has, just if they have a white skin, they have this opportunity or everybody struggles, man, everybody.

01:10:13.760 I don't care who they are.

01:10:15.620 I don't care if they're wealthy.

01:10:16.840 I don't care if they're not.

01:10:17.720 I don't care.

01:10:18.100 It doesn't matter.

01:10:18.820 You know, struggles that hunter, baby struggles, that hunter, and it gots all the, you know, it gots all the weaponry.

01:10:31.620 I just don't, you know, I don't want to miss the opportunity to be used to be helpful.

01:10:40.220 That's what it is, man.

01:10:41.220 That's it.

01:10:41.980 That would make me happy.

01:10:42.880 You know, if I know that each day I try to put myself in a position or show up enough to the day where if I can be helpful to somebody else that not only am I excited about it, but I'm willing to do it.

01:11:02.880 And, of course, that'll never happen all the time.

01:11:05.720 It'll never happen.

01:11:06.960 But that would make, you know, that's kind of what makes me feel good.

01:11:15.880 You know, it just makes me feel good, dude.

01:11:17.520 It just makes me.

01:11:21.440 Because the truth is, that's a lot of what's going on.

01:11:24.160 You know, I wish that the, that people know what's going on. 0.99

01:11:31.280 You know, I get upset sometimes at the media and all that kind of shit. 0.99

01:11:33.980 They don't care. 0.99

01:11:34.520 They don't know.

01:11:35.280 They're in a business.

01:11:36.280 But I feel like people know what's going on.

01:11:39.060 And I feel like we're headed in a good direction, man.

01:11:41.060 I feel like there's a lot of, man, there's a lot of love on the streets.

01:11:45.000 And there's a lot more right around the corner, bro.

01:11:48.120 So, I don't even know if that answers your question, man.

01:11:50.100 I don't even know what I'm talking about.

01:11:51.680 But, but I know that for me, my battle is like just making sure that I'm just taking care of myself enough to be, to be present enough so I'm not missing an opportunity to be of service in some way.

01:12:05.360 Because that makes me feel good.

01:12:07.680 You know, it makes me feel good.

01:12:08.980 So, anyway, I'm kind of rambling, but let's take another call that came in right here.

01:12:15.960 And then maybe we'll scoot off of this episode.

01:12:20.180 And, man, thank you guys so much.

01:12:22.400 Halfway to Christmas.

01:12:23.360 I'm going to have to start thinking about what I want, you know.

01:12:25.520 Yo, what up, Theo?

01:12:27.420 My name is Connor.

01:12:28.460 I'm from, I'm from Pittsburgh.

01:12:30.280 And today's actually my, my 22nd birthday.

01:12:34.080 Oh, awesome, man.

01:12:35.200 Happy 22nd, Connor.

01:12:37.860 Oh, and it's Connor McGregor's birthday, I think, was yesterday.

01:12:40.860 So, that's kind of crazy.

01:12:42.420 And I just wanted to say that I'm a massive fan.

01:12:46.080 My, my brother actually got me into you.

01:12:48.660 And this past year has been a pretty tough year for me.

01:12:53.060 Our mom's been battling cancer.

01:12:55.200 And I really just wanted to use this outlet to kind of thank my brother.

01:13:00.200 Because he's been the most amazing person through the whole situation.

01:13:04.180 And I've been at college, so I don't have a whole lot of money.

01:13:06.840 So, he's been, he takes me out every weekend.

01:13:09.280 He shows me a good time.

01:13:10.480 And he's helped me through a really rough breakup.

01:13:12.500 And he's just the most amazing guy.

01:13:14.780 He flew us out to Denver to go visit our cousin.

01:13:18.460 And I just wanted to spread a little bit of positivity.

01:13:21.380 Because, you know, he's a huge listener.

01:13:23.160 And he got me into you.

01:13:24.080 And he give me a laugh every, every Monday and Thursday.

01:13:27.180 And I just really wanted to say thank you.

01:13:30.180 And, you know, have a great week, man.

01:13:32.480 Gang, gang.

01:13:33.820 Gang, gang, bro.

01:13:34.920 That's cool, man.

01:13:35.820 Well, that's nice that your brother cares like that.

01:13:38.900 That's cool, man.

01:13:41.140 That's cool, bro.

01:13:42.980 That's cool that you got, you know, your brother.

01:13:44.920 You guys are out there.

01:13:46.340 You guys are on the front lines for the family.

01:13:49.300 You know, you got cancer on the, you know, on the horizon.

01:13:52.160 But you guys got it in your scopes with your hearts.

01:13:54.340 And you guys are caring about each other, dude.

01:13:56.080 And just trying, you know.

01:13:58.020 Man, it's crazy how much my brother is.

01:13:59.640 It makes me think of my own brother. 0.99

01:14:01.700 And I'm sure there's a lot of people who, you know, whoever's listening to this, this bullshit right now. 0.96

01:14:07.620 That are thinking about their brother, man. 0.98

01:14:10.620 Dude, my brother used to make me listen to all of his music.

01:14:14.280 That's the only thing I knew about music.

01:14:15.960 It's still the only type of music I really even know.

01:14:18.500 People ask me about music.

01:14:20.840 I'm like, I don't know.

01:14:22.440 I listen to maybe Rodney James Dio, Tesla.

01:14:26.280 You know, I listen to some N.W.A.

01:14:28.320 I listen to whatever my brother listened to.

01:14:34.680 You know, it's funny when you're young and stuff.

01:14:36.440 You just want to be your brother so bad.

01:14:38.160 Even if he beats you. 1.00

01:14:39.620 Like, damn, my brother beat my ass. 1.00

01:14:41.200 But damn, bro. 1.00

01:14:42.780 He's awesome. 1.00

01:14:43.960 You know?

01:14:45.160 You just want to be your brother so bad.

01:14:47.260 It's so interesting how that happens at that age.

01:14:49.460 You know, it's a special gift.

01:14:52.780 I know there's a lot of single, you know, not single kids out there.

01:14:56.040 But hopefully there's a ton of single kids out there. 0.76

01:15:00.480 But there's a lot of children that, you know, they don't.

01:15:06.840 What am I talking about?

01:15:08.500 There's a lot of kids that. 1.00

01:15:11.540 Yeah, fuck. 1.00

01:15:12.420 I don't know, man. 1.00

01:15:13.760 But that's nice, dude.

01:15:14.860 It's nice that you care about your brother.

01:15:16.180 And I'm glad that he listens.

01:15:17.220 And I'm glad that you listen.

01:15:18.500 And I'm glad you guys are out there.

01:15:20.740 I'm glad you got a teammate in the world.

01:15:22.500 That's what I'm saying.

01:15:23.220 There's a lot of kids that are just, they're only children.

01:15:26.740 And they're only children.

01:15:28.080 So they don't really get that opportunity.

01:15:29.620 So it's like we all have this different gift, man.

01:15:32.000 We all have.

01:15:32.620 Some people got a gift.

01:15:33.740 Some of it's on the inside.

01:15:34.900 Some of it's on the outside.

01:15:36.580 Some of us have a brother.

01:15:37.560 Some of us don't.

01:15:38.380 Some of us have a sister.

01:15:40.100 Some of us have two children.

01:15:41.320 Some of us can't have children.

01:15:42.440 Some of us can juggle.

01:15:44.840 Some of us can't read. 0.98

01:15:46.880 Dude, the guy that can't read, oh, yeah, sucks a lot at the times. 0.99

01:15:50.240 But when he walks back by a fucking bookstore and feels no regret, goldmine of comfort. 1.00

01:16:00.320 There's all, there's two sides to the sword. 0.99

01:16:04.140 You know, there's two sides to every sword, bro.

01:16:06.920 And we just, you know, I don't know. 1.00

01:16:10.280 Fuck. 1.00

01:16:10.580 I don't know anything. 1.00

01:16:11.360 So, isn't that amazing?

01:16:15.000 But I know that you care about your brother.

01:16:18.980 And that makes me feel good because it makes me think about my brother, dude.

01:16:22.540 My brother's such a weird guy, bro.

01:16:24.220 And he's so hard on himself, dude.

01:16:25.540 But he's such a loving guy.

01:16:27.560 And he tries his best.

01:16:29.680 And, you know, and we just, he and I were hard on ourselves because we don't, you know, we developed our own sense of what was okay or what wasn't.

01:16:37.600 And we didn't, you know, nobody was hard on us or easy on us.

01:16:41.760 And so we didn't know.

01:16:43.060 And our brains don't want to leave, you know, sometimes if you develop your own thing in your head, that thing can sometimes be mean.

01:16:49.940 And, you know, and, but I know, man, my brother's like my, you know, he's my idol now.

01:16:56.840 And he's not perfect.

01:16:58.280 And I'm far from that.

01:17:00.280 And we never will be.

01:17:01.960 But, you know, we have these little moments sometimes where, you know, he's just everything I always wanted him to be.

01:17:09.340 And I'll never probably fully be able to let him know that.

01:17:12.580 But, but that's some of my journey, you know, I get to be a brother in this lifetime.

01:17:18.520 Man, that's cool.

01:17:20.600 You know, I get to call somebody who has the same blood I have in my body and their body and let them know, hey, man, you know, how's that flow going, bro?

01:17:29.660 We're riding on a, on a risky river, aren't we?

01:17:33.980 With this blood is category four rapids right now, ain't it, brother?

01:17:37.100 We boiling.

01:17:40.120 Or whatever's going on.

01:17:42.220 Anyway, I'm rambling, but thank you guys so much for being a part of this episode.

01:17:50.840 Whatever that even means.

01:17:52.380 I feel like it's just, sometimes I like go in and like turn it into like a radio DJ.

01:17:58.440 I don't know.

01:18:00.680 Congrats to Uriah Faber on his win, man.

01:18:03.060 I'll say this about Uriah Faber, dude.

01:18:04.940 I've shaken, I bet probably 6,000 people's hands in my life.

01:18:10.340 The strongest and heaviest hand I've ever shook in my whole life.

01:18:17.440 Uriah Fabers. 0.99

01:18:18.260 That guy has a damn 19-pound hand. 0.99

01:18:24.640 I mean, that guy, look, he got some real, he's real, real handsy, that fella. 0.99

01:18:33.120 He's one of a kind, man.

01:18:35.920 And congrats to him for coming back, just for having that, you know, giving himself that chance and taking that risk.

01:18:40.960 That's brave.

01:18:42.880 You know, I'm fascinated by people that are brave around me constantly.

01:18:47.380 And thank you guys for calling in.

01:18:50.900 You guys be good to yourselves, man.

01:18:52.680 I'm going to try it.

01:18:53.640 We're going to make it.

01:18:55.460 We're going to make it.

01:18:56.600 I'm going to play this on the way out, actually.

01:18:58.440 Because, you know, this is Bishop Gunn making it.

01:19:03.260 I ain't seen home in about a hundred days

01:19:19.660 I can almost hear mama pray for my restless soul

01:19:24.940 And I ain't made a dollar I ain't spent

01:19:29.620 But where it's going ain't killed me yet

01:19:32.660 I still get where I'm bound to go

01:19:35.660 I'm makin' it

01:19:42.020 I'm makin' wrong

01:19:44.860 Feel right

01:19:47.420 I'm makin' it

01:19:50.720 And if hell's where I'm headed then

01:19:53.740 I'm makin' good time

01:19:56.800 Gang, gang, man

01:20:12.180 Thank you

01:20:14.800 Dude, I wish I was a singer, bro

01:20:26.800 I'd say that I'm about an hour past the minute

01:20:30.260 I should've put it down

01:20:33.140 I wouldn't wear pants if I was out there, if I was a singer

01:20:35.640 But I'm makin' it

01:20:39.200 I'm makin' wrong

01:20:42.000 Feel right

01:20:44.460 I'm makin' it

01:20:47.820 And if hell's where I'm headed then

01:20:50.880 I'm makin' good time

01:20:53.780 Halfway to Christmas, guys

01:21:04.520 We can do it

01:21:05.400 We can do it

01:21:07.440 We got this

01:21:09.700 Ooh, makin' good time

01:21:16.440 Ooh, makin' good time

01:21:28.360 Between the lines that I've crossed

01:21:34.980 And the friends that I've lost

01:21:37.980 I'm left here

01:21:39.720 Alone in my skin

01:21:41.780 But I'm in pretty good shape

01:21:48.980 For the shape that I'm in

01:21:51.940 I'm makin' it

01:21:55.360 I'm makin' it

01:21:58.260 I'm makin' it

01:22:00.400 I'm makin' long

01:22:01.180 Feel right

01:22:02.920 Feel right

01:22:03.700 Yeah, I'm makin' it

01:22:06.920 I'm makin' it

01:22:09.860 I'm makin' it

01:22:11.920 I'm makin' good time

01:22:13.500 I'm makin' it

01:22:20.240 I'm makin' it

01:22:21.240 I'm makin' it

01:22:23.240 I'm makin' long

01:22:24.480 Feel right

01:22:27.240 I'm makin' it

01:22:30.240 And if hell's where I'm headed then

01:22:33.240 I'm makin' good time

01:22:36.900 Man, bro

01:22:43.820 We makin' it, dude

01:22:44.880 We makin' it

01:22:46.160 You're gonna make it today

01:22:49.740 I promise you

01:22:50.980 I promise you

01:22:53.300 We all

01:22:53.740 We ain't seen home

01:22:55.260 In about a hundred days

01:22:57.120 I can almost

01:22:58.540 Hear mama pray

01:23:00.060 For my restless soul

01:23:03.220 We're all gonna make it, man

01:23:10.220 We all

01:23:12.400 We're all special living

01:23:13.660 We're all special needs

01:23:15.060 You know, we all

01:23:16.280 You know, but

01:23:19.700 Santa's coming, bro

01:23:20.920 Gang, man 0.94

01:23:24.000 You guys be good to yourselves

01:23:24.900 Thank you for being here

01:23:25.760 For me today

01:23:26.540 Ladies and gentlemen

01:23:35.800 I'm Jonathan Kite

01:23:37.020 And welcome to Kite Club

01:23:38.340 A podcast where I'll be sharing

01:23:40.200 Thoughts on things like

01:23:41.280 Current events

01:23:41.980 Stand-up stories

01:23:43.200 And seven ways

01:23:44.300 To pleasure your partner

01:23:45.520 The answer may shock you

01:23:47.420 Sometimes I'll interview my friends

01:23:49.440 Sometimes I won't

01:23:50.780 And as always

01:23:52.300 I'll be joined by the voices

01:23:53.540 In my head

01:23:54.260 You have three

01:23:55.760 New voice messages

01:23:57.120 A lot of people

01:23:58.600 Are talking about Kite Club

01:24:00.140 I've been talking

01:24:01.220 About Kite Club

01:24:02.120 For so long

01:24:02.940 Longer than anybody else

01:24:04.580 So great

01:24:05.380 Hi

01:24:06.360 Sweetie

01:24:07.300 Here's a deal

01:24:08.400 Anyone who doesn't

01:24:09.920 Listen to Kite Club 1.00

01:24:10.880 Is a dodgy bloody wanker 1.00

01:24:12.920 Jermaine 0.99

01:24:13.620 Hi

01:24:14.780 I'll take a quarter pounder

01:24:16.420 With cheese

01:24:16.920 And a McFlurry

01:24:17.940 Sorry, sir

01:24:18.500 But our ice cream machine

01:24:19.300 Is broken

01:24:19.760 I think Tom Hanks

01:24:23.660 Just butt dialed me

01:24:24.740 Anyway

01:24:25.220 First rule of Kite Club

01:24:26.580 Is 0.88

01:24:27.160 Tell everyone about Kite Club

01:24:28.860 Second rule of Kite Club

01:24:30.240 Is 0.88

01:24:30.800 Tell everyone about Kite Club

01:24:33.060 Third rule

01:24:33.820 Like and subscribe

01:24:35.000 Wherever you listen to podcasts

01:24:36.440 Or

01:24:37.200 Watch us on YouTube

01:24:38.220 Yeah

01:24:38.640 And yes

01:24:39.540 Don't worry

01:24:40.120 My Brad Pitt impression

01:24:41.360 Will get better

01:24:42.160 All right

01:24:53.820 All right

01:24:54.560 Let's do it

01:24:54.940 All right

01:24:55.620 We'll talk to you

01:24:55.740 Have a look

01:24:57.100 Next

01:24:57.160 In the next

01:24:57.360 We'll reinstate

This Past Weekend with Theo Von - July 15, 2019

Cheek to Seat ｜ This Past Weekend #214

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