This Past Weekend with Theo Von - Chirp Champ

00:00:00.720 All right, check, check, check.

00:00:05.760 We are, we can hear it, we can do it.

00:00:10.020 We got the vibe, baby, we got that vibe, that attitude.

00:00:15.140 They used to call it attitude, and I'll take them drinks right there.

00:00:19.040 Got me a couple beautiful beverages right here, coming in right now.

00:00:24.780 Premature Nick showing up early with these bevs, boy.

00:00:27.900 Hey, shout out Nick, that Iggy Azalea, huh?

00:00:32.520 Oh, come on, guy.

00:00:35.140 This guy has lost his mind.

00:00:38.660 This guy has lost his mind.

00:00:41.980 Yeah, I got me, sorry, I got to give me a couple nice beverages right here.

00:00:45.880 And I got that green machine or something, whatever they call it.

00:00:49.060 And I got the brown one, too, with the protein in it.

00:00:52.080 And I'm bevving.

00:00:52.880 So if you hear somebody slizzurping over here, or somebody catching a dram, or somebody just adding to their own human drip over here, that's me.

00:01:04.280 That is me.

00:01:07.740 Oh, man, I can't do when my heaven now, my heaven used to be different.

00:01:12.440 My idea of heaven.

00:01:13.920 My idea of heaven used to be different.

00:01:19.700 And first, let me just let you know where we are.

00:01:22.340 This past weekend.

00:01:26.300 And thank you guys for joining us here.

00:01:28.360 I'm Theo Vaughn, and I'm part of this past weekend.

00:01:32.240 And when I was young, my heaven now, when I was young, heaven was different.

00:01:39.580 I thought, oh, you go to heaven.

00:01:42.520 The first thing I thought about, honestly, was the food.

00:01:46.820 I thought about the food.

00:01:49.700 Because you know, if I'm going all of that way, and I'm dying to even get into the joint,

00:01:57.700 they better have some entrees, you feel me?

00:02:01.280 Man, they better have a couple soup du jour's and duge mine, baby.

00:02:08.160 We all better be having soup.

00:02:11.900 And that's the first thing I thought about when I was a child, when I thought about heaven.

00:02:16.660 I thought, oh, man, they're going to have all the different, you know, you have a breakfast item right here,

00:02:23.080 and you have a little over there, you got an extra chocolate area if you want to run through there and get some chocolate or do that or whatever.

00:02:33.740 You know, I just thought they have spare rib, that kind of stuff.

00:02:36.740 I'd never even had spare rib, but I'd heard about it.

00:02:41.100 And sometimes if you met like a rich man or something like that when you were young and you smelled his breath,

00:02:45.580 you might catch that hit of SR off that bad boy.

00:02:49.880 I'm talking about spare rib.

00:02:51.080 And you'd get that just, oh, okay.

00:02:55.380 I see what y'all doing at home.

00:02:57.860 Y'all got a little bit of cash at the house.

00:03:02.200 But that's what I thought about heaven when I thought about heaven.

00:03:05.600 When I was a child, my heaven had all kind of, they had food.

00:03:08.980 They had a big table with food on it.

00:03:13.000 And then what else?

00:03:15.260 Sorry.

00:03:16.620 They had a lot of clouds, I remember.

00:03:19.260 My heaven, it was a cloudy heaven.

00:03:20.780 And not like, I guess, not like 70% chance of rain or anything like that.

00:03:28.660 It was overcast but fluffy.

00:03:31.580 That was my idea of heaven.

00:03:34.640 It was overcast but fluffy and kind of warm.

00:03:37.660 Like, probably clouds that were maybe, you know, 400 count or 200 count or at least 80 count.

00:03:48.320 Dude, I got some pillows at home.

00:03:51.640 These bastards are probably about four count.

00:03:54.460 You can feel the quills from the, I don't even know what animal it was.

00:03:59.160 It said it was goose.

00:04:00.120 But I bet it's a little bit more of a warbler.

00:04:03.160 It seemed like they plucked about 2,000 warblers and threw these feathers into the pillow.

00:04:09.720 So, but every, you got to, if you lay in one position, then that quill comes out and gets you.

00:04:15.760 You got to turn.

00:04:16.460 It's like, oh man, right there.

00:04:17.740 No, no, no.

00:04:18.540 And finally, you get in the right spot.

00:04:20.200 And with no quills and that's when you're like, oh, hell yeah.

00:04:25.300 Come on, boy.

00:04:26.260 Now we're living, now we're living, just laying in the Lord's lap, baby, when you get that nice, comfortable pillow.

00:04:35.100 I can't believe people don't have pillows installed around our head or neck.

00:04:39.840 People get tattoos all the time.

00:04:41.720 Oh, that's, that ain't comfortable.

00:04:44.600 You see somebody with a tattoo, it's nice, it's artistic, it's drawing.

00:04:48.920 But it isn't, you know, it's not, it's not comfortable.

00:04:57.300 If I saw somebody got a pillow sewn into the back of their head, come on, boy, I'd be right.

00:05:05.340 Look, I would understand it.

00:05:07.960 I say, oh yeah, I see what you're doing there.

00:05:12.960 That way, you just got that big, just that, that way anyway, somebody, even if you fall down, you have nothing.

00:05:19.180 Stay down.

00:05:20.620 You trip over something, stay down.

00:05:22.300 Now you're napping.

00:05:25.020 There's definitely a beauty, I think, of, you know, I think there's just going to be new things we're going to start doing in the future that we're not doing yet.

00:05:31.580 Where we're taking care, you know, you know, sew a pillow to your head or, you know, add maybe some piping or something on the outside of our knees and legs to give us more sturdy.

00:05:45.420 Because people aren't that sturdy.

00:05:50.020 Run and push someone, I bet you they fall over.

00:05:52.440 Nine out of ten times, if you run and push somebody, that bitch is going down.

00:06:02.820 But then change your game up, change your vibe up.

00:06:05.460 If they, if they, if they got, you know, a couple of pieces of PVC pipe hooked on each leg, baby, who knows what could happen.

00:06:13.000 It might take you a half hour to really bring them down to the ground.

00:06:16.440 So, anyway, just kind of, but, but what was your idea of heaven when you were young, you know, what was it?

00:06:25.560 And what is it now?

00:06:26.880 That's what I think.

00:06:27.480 Now my idea of heaven, no emails.

00:06:31.920 No emails.

00:06:34.340 No smartphones.

00:06:37.000 Just dumb phones.

00:06:38.080 Remember the dumb phone?

00:06:39.000 Do you remember the dumb phone?

00:06:43.900 You had to go over to it.

00:06:45.080 It was making a loud noise.

00:06:47.000 You had to pick it up.

00:06:48.540 And somebody would ask, they got to ask for one person.

00:06:52.180 Is, uh, is, is Randy there?

00:06:56.440 Nah.

00:06:56.960 And you could lie to him, bro.

00:06:58.040 You could lie so easily.

00:07:00.300 You could, even if you were Randy, you could be like,

00:07:03.360 Uh, Randy ain't here.

00:07:05.040 Uh, you got the wrong number.

00:07:06.140 We don't even have a Randy around here.

00:07:07.680 Let me see if Randy is here.

00:07:10.020 Randy?

00:07:11.820 Nope.

00:07:12.340 He ain't here.

00:07:14.560 Remember that, man, with the dumb phone?

00:07:16.500 You could, anything.

00:07:18.720 The dumb phone, and also, if you, if you answered, you didn't want to talk to somebody,

00:07:23.380 you could wrap the cord.

00:07:24.500 It had a cord.

00:07:25.060 You could wrap the cord around your neck.

00:07:28.160 T-Y-O-L, bro.

00:07:29.960 Take your own life right there.

00:07:33.080 You're like, dang, man.

00:07:34.960 What happened to Bert?

00:07:36.040 You'd be like, well, somebody called.

00:07:38.360 He couldn't handle it.

00:07:41.400 And now he's in heaven.

00:07:44.840 But yeah, that's my heaven.

00:07:46.260 No email.

00:07:47.720 Dumb phones only.

00:07:49.900 And what else?

00:07:52.840 Still food.

00:07:53.860 And I'm thinking now more nachos, more chicken piccata maybe.

00:07:57.920 Where else?

00:08:01.140 What else would I have?

00:08:02.380 Definitely still the dessert, but more of like I would go with a coconut.

00:08:05.680 When I was young, it could be anything, just sugar.

00:08:08.340 It could be a table full of sugar.

00:08:09.900 I don't even care.

00:08:10.800 Just let me stick my head in it for about 19 seconds.

00:08:13.320 You know, I don't even care.

00:08:18.120 I don't even, I don't care if they just put a bunch of Laffy Taffy under my tongue and punch me right in the mouth.

00:08:23.780 You know, when you're young, you don't care.

00:08:25.700 But now when I'm older, I want my heaven to be a little bit more.

00:08:29.260 Or, I don't know, I guess I just want different things in it.

00:08:35.060 I want, you know, I definitely want, I want a lot of people there.

00:08:41.620 And, but honestly, dude, if somebody's real chatty, you could DH them, bro, put them in a different heaven.

00:08:50.060 Because I ain't, when I go to heaven, dude, I ain't doing a ton of listening.

00:08:55.320 Okay, I want a quiet heaven.

00:09:01.820 So if y'all want to get a different heaven, if they got kind of a more urban heaven or something, then y'all can do that.

00:09:08.440 But my, I'm staying in that low, just kind of mild, maybe a breeze.

00:09:13.700 The loudest thing is a breeze.

00:09:16.960 You know, maybe a breeze that could sing.

00:09:19.000 So it's just kind of lonely teardrops.

00:09:22.460 You know, a breeze that kind of just could also, you know.

00:09:29.840 Oh, you got that yummy eye.

00:09:35.260 The branch is green beside me.

00:09:41.800 Like, I just don't want anything real loud in my heaven.

00:09:46.620 But, we'll see, man.

00:09:49.060 And I want the joy there, too.

00:09:50.240 I want everything to be joyous.

00:09:51.200 I probably won't even be able to judge when I'm in heaven now.

00:09:53.680 There won't be as much judgment.

00:09:55.620 Gosh, that would be nice.

00:09:57.680 To have less judgment.

00:10:03.140 Imagine somebody, just imagine that.

00:10:05.220 That would be really just the biggest piece in my whole heart and brain.

00:10:10.460 If there was less judgment inside of me.

00:10:13.340 Because if you crack me open, dude, you got about a thousand Judy's fallout, bro.

00:10:21.080 Because I'm judgment.

00:10:25.260 I'm judgment, bro.

00:10:27.500 Dude, if you saw me at a flavor for ice cream, I'm judgment chocolate chip, papa.

00:10:34.720 It's hard not to judge sometimes.

00:10:36.560 You know, it's hard.

00:10:37.220 But, but also, the judgment of me allowed me to be able to do stand-up comedy.

00:10:43.480 And do comedies.

00:10:48.820 So, there's, you know, it's, that's double sword, man.

00:10:52.720 But, but yeah, what was your heaven like now?

00:10:55.900 Do you have a different heaven?

00:10:56.820 And now, I think more there is.

00:11:00.300 When you're a kid, a heaven is just, they got animals there, but you could pet them more, I think.

00:11:05.020 They have alligators, but they're not dangerous.

00:11:08.060 You might see an alligator, and he's, you know, if you ask him if he's ever eaten like human, he would, he would tell you.

00:11:15.400 But he would, he wouldn't just tell you in front of everybody.

00:11:17.480 He would kind of whisper to you later or kind of write it on a, you know, maybe on a, on a napkin or something.

00:11:26.820 Or something, give it, slip it to you.

00:11:28.600 Say, yeah, I've had a little bit of, you know, you know what I'm saying?

00:11:32.460 I've had a couple Viettes by the river, you feel me?

00:11:36.140 I've had a couple, a couple bad bitches came down by the water.

00:11:42.820 And I was on, right.

00:11:44.480 But I think, you know, it's just different now because, what am I talking about, but I don't know.

00:11:50.460 But, yeah, if you have, what was your, did you have a different heaven when you were young as to what your heaven idea is now?

00:11:59.820 You know, now my heaven has more, like, loved ones in it.

00:12:02.500 It's not just about what I want.

00:12:04.080 It's more I think about a little bit of, you know, there's other people I want to make sure everybody, you know, gets in.

00:12:10.340 And, you know, it's like, I don't know.

00:12:15.220 Anyway, if you ever thought on what your heaven was like as a child, maybe, if you had an idea of heaven and what it's like now.

00:12:24.680 And some people, you don't believe in heaven, that's fine.

00:12:27.220 You out here working, just kind of milling around, baby, that's, it doesn't sound fun to me.

00:12:33.300 I like more of like a, you know, that's, I'm a romantic, you know, I'm a romantic, so.

00:12:41.560 But, what else, just got off the road, man, I'm tired.

00:12:45.940 And I am tired.

00:12:47.200 And sometimes I pretend I'm not tired, dog.

00:12:49.280 I'm tired.

00:12:51.700 I'm tired.

00:12:52.540 I could use somebody to just stitch a real big ass pillow to the back of my head, son.

00:13:00.700 That'd be nice, wouldn't it?

00:13:01.940 But I think we'll see that as the future goes along.

00:13:05.040 We'll see more accoutrements that are built onto us to help us live through the daily day.

00:13:12.000 Because it's amazing, we still have to wear like a SPF to fight the sun.

00:13:17.960 You would think that they would have some sort of an enzyme or something we could just put right into us.

00:13:23.020 An injectable or even like a spare layer of skin that we could just kind of roll on.

00:13:28.940 You know, or dip ourselves in once a year.

00:13:31.940 Like, what'd you get for Christmas?

00:13:34.180 Oh, I got dipped, you know.

00:13:35.520 So, oh, okay.

00:13:38.260 So, no sunblock for you.

00:13:39.720 You could just do whatever you want.

00:13:41.260 Yeah, you know.

00:13:43.360 You know.

00:13:43.940 But then all the ladies will be like, they only want to date guys that have been dipped.

00:13:48.060 And they don't want to see some poor guy that's rubbing, you know, doing it the old way.

00:13:53.380 Just laying that, just that human drywall cream, that SPF.

00:13:58.940 You know, it'll be different.

00:14:00.320 I don't know what I'm talking about.

00:14:01.340 But I never have, boy.

00:14:04.580 Gang.

00:14:06.580 Thank everybody that came out this weekend.

00:14:09.020 We had a great time traveling over there on the eastern side.

00:14:12.060 And where did we go, man?

00:14:17.460 Oh, we went to Oxen Hill.

00:14:19.180 No, we went to Red Bank, New Jersey.

00:14:22.520 Yeah, we went over to Red Bank, New Jersey.

00:14:24.960 And that show had originally been over for Sayersville, where people say stuff and, you know, and that's what they do.

00:14:35.660 But this at Red Bank was, it was good, man.

00:14:39.940 We came out with that hot hit right out the gate.

00:14:43.980 And we had a young fella brought out a single mom, Maria.

00:14:49.800 We brought her out.

00:14:51.440 I'm going to do something nice for her.

00:14:53.760 So that was really great.

00:14:58.080 What else?

00:14:58.740 Well, I had a friend of mine, Brittany, brought out her fiancé and her whole family.

00:15:03.340 And they came out and she brought her mother out.

00:15:07.220 And, you know, just some good Jersey people.

00:15:11.220 A lot of, you know, a little bit of cheetah print.

00:15:13.120 Some perfume, bro.

00:15:14.540 You know, kind of stuff make you really, made me feel real virile.

00:15:19.420 You know, make you feel real virile, bro.

00:15:22.640 I make a lot of your blood kind of crawl into your, you know, in your extremities, bro.

00:15:27.940 You know what I'm saying.

00:15:31.460 So, just really nice.

00:15:33.780 It was nice.

00:15:34.260 A lot of just great people.

00:15:35.500 I want to thank everybody that came to that show.

00:15:36.960 That was that hard hitter.

00:15:37.900 And, dude, if, in the winter, if you go through, like, when you're driving along through, like, New Jersey and all of that, a lot of the woods and stuff, there's a lot of factories and woods.

00:15:52.400 So, you could see a factory, like, oh, what are they making?

00:15:56.560 And the guys, like, oh, we make socks over there.

00:15:58.580 That's a sock plant.

00:16:00.940 Like, damn, y'all in there making socks?

00:16:03.420 Dude, that's crazy.

00:16:05.940 Because you see these guys, they're all tough and sweaty and this and that.

00:16:09.320 Like, oh, what's going on?

00:16:10.820 You know, nothing.

00:16:11.840 Nothing.

00:16:13.080 Bah.

00:16:14.440 Bah.

00:16:15.120 Bah.

00:16:15.800 Bah.

00:16:17.240 What are you doing?

00:16:18.320 Nothing.

00:16:18.800 Bah.

00:16:21.340 But then you find out they're making socks.

00:16:23.660 It's kind of like, damn, what y'all doing there?

00:16:27.280 You know, but, you know, much respect, man.

00:16:30.040 A lot of sock makers out there that's, it's, you know, not anybody could do it, I guess.

00:16:37.900 But, yeah, you see, you know, different.

00:16:39.540 They got smoke coming out and all.

00:16:41.100 They got a lot of plants.

00:16:42.680 They got petroleum over there.

00:16:44.680 They got guys making salve and making, you know, what else?

00:16:49.860 What other plant did we find?

00:16:51.080 Somebody that worked at a jam factory making jams and jellies.

00:16:56.740 I say, damn, bro.

00:16:58.900 And this dude was so skinny, too, the guy I met.

00:17:02.960 He working over there for Smucker or whatever or some bootleg jam company.

00:17:08.700 You know, some off-brand jam.

00:17:11.100 You know, shiny's jam.

00:17:13.620 You know, or sparky's jelly.

00:17:16.940 You know, or Robert's sweet spread.

00:17:19.780 You know, some guy working over there, some halfway house jam outfit where they probably got, you know, 12-step meetings in the evening.

00:17:31.200 But, yeah, you know, they just had different factories and people came out.

00:17:36.180 So a lot of beautiful, good people came over there to Red Bank.

00:17:39.600 And actually, we had a call that came in about it.

00:17:46.560 Let me hear that.

00:17:47.680 Here we go, gang.

00:17:49.100 Hey, Theo.

00:17:50.240 This is Orgas from Minneapolis.

00:17:52.260 What's up, Orgas?

00:17:54.520 And that's a, that is a very special name.

00:17:57.380 Orgas.

00:17:57.800 It sounds like something out of the, um, the Greek, you know.

00:18:05.820 Oh, Orgas.

00:18:06.760 You know, we used to have to go, he lived on the mountain.

00:18:10.100 And we had to go up there to get a bag of lightning from him or something.

00:18:13.340 Or get a couple grams of, uh, olives or whatever.

00:18:16.020 You know what I'm talking about?

00:18:17.080 Fables.

00:18:17.640 Fable-ry.

00:18:19.040 Let's hear more, Orgas.

00:18:20.200 Thank you for calling in Minneapolis.

00:18:22.760 I don't know if you've ever been in Minneapolis, man.

00:18:24.620 But it's a good place.

00:18:25.500 A lot of fish out there.

00:18:27.300 A lot of lakes.

00:18:28.180 And it used to be a big lake, but it dried up.

00:18:32.760 So now they have a bunch of, tons of little lakes.

00:18:36.380 So you have a lot of fish that got displaced from their families.

00:18:39.220 Because they were swimming over here, looking for something.

00:18:42.620 And then the lake, things dried up.

00:18:44.740 And now, you know what I'm saying?

00:18:46.780 They'll never see their grandfather.

00:18:48.800 So if you put your ear up to the water over there, you can really hear a lot of the,

00:18:53.680 it's almost like a swan.

00:18:54.980 You know, you can hear a little bit of the sadness of, um, just kind of what's occurred

00:19:00.240 there amongst those, uh, those water critters.

00:19:05.160 Let's hear more, brother, onward.

00:19:07.620 I saw your February 27th show in Red Bank, New Jersey with my best friend.

00:19:13.780 He and I made an agreement a long time ago that we would see our favorite comedian together

00:19:18.300 if one of them ever had a show near one of us.

00:19:21.020 Okay.

00:19:22.500 So that's a unique agreement, too.

00:19:24.220 A lot of men don't make an agreement like that, I don't think.

00:19:26.700 If we're going to see a, we would see a show if he was near us.

00:19:31.460 And we would see a show if he came near us.

00:19:35.000 Let's hear it.

00:19:36.540 After a lot of grinding, we were finally financially stable enough to do that.

00:19:41.980 So I flew out to meet him in the flesh for the second time.

00:19:45.040 And to see your show.

00:19:46.860 I loved every second of that shit.

00:19:49.640 Wait.

00:19:50.660 Hold on, let me hear one part.

00:19:51.860 Again, you met him?

00:19:53.820 I met him in the flesh for the second time.

00:19:56.600 So you met him in the flesh for the second time.

00:19:58.680 This is your best friend, you said, buddy.

00:20:00.640 So, dang.

00:20:01.880 What, dude?

00:20:05.700 So I'm thinking, how do you, if you don't, I mean, I guess, yeah, you can have a best friend you don't know.

00:20:14.260 You know, you could have a best friend you don't know.

00:20:15.980 That's a unique way to do it.

00:20:17.440 That's a special, you know, that's like almost like, I guess it's like believing in ghosts or something.

00:20:23.600 Hey, you got to meet my friend Todd.

00:20:27.180 I haven't met him, but that don't mean shit.

00:20:30.940 You feel me?

00:20:31.580 I guess you could do that.

00:20:33.100 Hey, you got to meet Gary, bro.

00:20:35.460 I don't know him.

00:20:37.920 There you go.

00:20:38.840 But no, man, I'm glad you guys were able to piece this together, and I'm glad I could be that glue.

00:20:45.460 I'm glad I could be that secret sauce that brings a couple of mystery bad boys together.

00:20:51.160 The flesh for the second time.

00:20:52.980 And to see your show.

00:20:54.700 I loved every second of that shit.

00:20:57.940 We sat third row and laughed the whole time.

00:21:00.340 And we definitely enjoyed that thick-ass booty.

00:21:04.080 It was sick.

00:21:04.920 Loved it.

00:21:06.200 But thank you for an amazing night out with a friend.

00:21:09.560 And thank you for all the dark holds, your soft voice, and magical.

00:21:14.040 Whoa, daddy.

00:21:18.000 Thank you, brother.

00:21:19.260 Thank you.

00:21:20.480 Thank you for calling.

00:21:22.020 And this sounds like a, um.

00:21:26.260 You know, this sounds real homoerotic, brother, to be honest with you, at the end.

00:21:31.300 And I'm not really, I'm not judging you, but I'm definitely saying that it's super obvious.

00:21:37.820 If you're not a gay man, then you're surprised.

00:21:42.800 You're probably surprising a lot of people.

00:21:45.400 Because people, a lot of people probably think you are.

00:21:48.160 That you love men and you are a man.

00:21:51.880 Which is fine, man.

00:21:54.200 You know, I don't even think, I mean.

00:21:56.240 A lot of women are making it, you know, it's.

00:22:02.940 Damn, bro.

00:22:04.460 This your best friend, dude?

00:22:05.820 It sounds like y'all are lovers, bro.

00:22:07.780 Buddy.

00:22:09.360 It sounds like you guys are sexual men.

00:22:11.460 And that's, you know, that's something.

00:22:16.820 It's a way.

00:22:17.260 Hey, look.

00:22:19.200 There's more than two ways to frickin'

00:22:22.840 Philae a Falcon.

00:22:23.980 You feel me?

00:22:25.100 So, if you had to get, if you get out there with another man.

00:22:28.020 Especially in Minneapolis, it's cold out there.

00:22:31.000 Sometimes it gets so cold, your eyes freeze.

00:22:32.980 You don't know who you, who you fuckin'.

00:22:34.880 You might be fuckin' somebody for a couple months.

00:22:37.960 And then your eyes thaw out and you're like, damn.

00:22:39.880 So, what's goin' on, Christopher?

00:22:45.880 So.

00:22:48.420 But, I'm glad you guys were able to make it, buddy.

00:22:53.380 I'm glad y'all were able to make it, boy.

00:22:55.840 That's important.

00:22:57.820 And I'm gonna, look.

00:22:58.600 Honestly, dude, if two men wanna meet up and fuck after my show, dude.

00:23:01.860 They can do it.

00:23:03.540 They can do it.

00:23:06.740 You know, y'all wanna do that.

00:23:08.120 Y'all wanna be wild and stuff like that and cut the lamps off

00:23:11.040 or maybe leave one lamp on

00:23:12.700 so you can still see some of that ass meat, bro.

00:23:15.340 Then do what you gotta do, bud.

00:23:17.580 Do what you gotta do, Bradley.

00:23:19.440 Do what you gotta do, Ernesto.

00:23:23.360 You know, I don't care.

00:23:24.400 Do what you gotta do.

00:23:26.820 Y'all wanna do that?

00:23:28.100 Do it, do it, do it, do it.

00:23:32.220 So, have fun, man.

00:23:33.480 I'm glad you guys had a good time.

00:23:35.660 I'm glad you guys had a good time, man.

00:23:38.340 Amen, brother.

00:23:39.220 Praise God.

00:23:41.120 All right, man.

00:23:42.060 Let's hit one more call that came in.

00:23:44.240 What up, DS?

00:23:45.020 This is Derek from Richmond, Virginia.

00:23:47.580 What's up, Derek?

00:23:49.060 Over there out of Richmond.

00:23:51.580 And Richmond is a lot of presidents buried there.

00:23:55.760 More presidents buried in Richmond than anywhere else in America.

00:23:58.980 Over there at the Hollywood Cemetery, I believe.

00:24:01.460 And I went there one time, actually, probably seven years ago or something with a comedian.

00:24:07.320 And he was an urban fella.

00:24:11.820 And he got bit by a dog there on the property.

00:24:17.780 So, let's hear more.

00:24:19.740 I'm leaving D.C. right now.

00:24:21.620 I just saw you at the MGM last night.

00:24:23.780 And, man.

00:24:25.320 Oh.

00:24:27.380 Okay, let's hear more.

00:24:28.480 It was such a great show.

00:24:29.700 It was so much fun.

00:24:30.540 My girlfriend got me the tickets for Christmas.

00:24:32.800 And I've just been looking forward to it all weekend.

00:24:35.040 And you killed it, dude.

00:24:36.660 It was so much fun.

00:24:38.380 I laughed the whole entire time.

00:24:39.680 My girlfriend was laughing the whole time.

00:24:41.480 Even afterwards, went in there to take a piss.

00:24:45.560 And me and all these random dudes are just holding our dicks and pissing in some porcelain

00:24:50.280 and just talking about how great the show is and how much we love you.

00:24:54.040 So, just keep it up, man.

00:24:56.360 Everything you're doing is great.

00:24:58.880 Dang, man.

00:24:59.680 What is going on, man?

00:25:02.600 I think our audience is changing.

00:25:04.780 I got...

00:25:05.340 Yeah.

00:25:07.080 Yes.

00:25:07.720 Yes.

00:25:08.360 Yes.

00:25:08.900 Yes.

00:25:09.280 Yes, man.

00:25:09.900 Thank you so much for coming out, dude.

00:25:13.920 And, look.

00:25:14.980 To be honest, man.

00:25:16.220 That MGM show was tough.

00:25:18.840 You know, the security at the venue was lackluster, I felt like.

00:25:23.880 One of the security guards, people were hinting me messages later, said that he was asleep

00:25:28.660 by the stage.

00:25:30.960 So, you know, it was a big, just a, you know, it was just a lot of, I mean, this guy was

00:25:38.600 just a lot of running backs, you know, a lot of skill position players.

00:25:44.340 And this guy, just bad security, man.

00:25:47.840 And, um, so that was a, and it was Ari's least favorite show.

00:25:53.940 The opener, Ari Manis.

00:25:56.240 He said, of all the places we've ever been, that was his least favorite.

00:25:59.780 Or not least favorite show, but least favorite experience.

00:26:03.040 But, um, but yeah, I just felt bad because the people at the front were so loud.

00:26:08.180 There was some guy who was a complete alcoholic that really wrecked a lot of the show.

00:26:12.080 So, this real selfish dude up by the front, honestly, and I know I'm kind of, you know,

00:26:17.580 but fuck that dude also.

00:26:19.840 You know, like, kind of like, nah, I don't, maybe I should, but also fuck the guy.

00:26:24.520 Because he's just yelling shit the whole time.

00:26:28.560 You know, it wasn't about me.

00:26:30.180 He was making it about him.

00:26:31.380 And, and that was just a tough one for me, Ben.

00:26:34.820 But, uh, and it was just the venue.

00:26:39.140 It was so loud.

00:26:40.160 If, if, and it was some, some guy in the front dressed like the Wolf of Wall Street.

00:26:44.620 Like the, no, like American, um, like Christian Bales in, what is it?

00:26:53.240 It's not Tuck Everlasting.

00:26:54.740 What is that movie he was in?

00:26:56.120 Where he throws a liquor on the lady in the bathtub and he's a murderer.

00:26:59.160 Or, American, American gangster?

00:27:05.280 No.

00:27:06.540 What is that?

00:27:07.700 American something.

00:27:09.940 But, yeah, I just, um, they had two extremely drunk women in the front.

00:27:15.000 It was just, it was what it was.

00:27:16.200 Look, man.

00:27:17.320 It was what it was.

00:27:19.160 That's what it was.

00:27:20.840 But, what's important is, I felt like everybody in the back had a blast.

00:27:24.560 And the people right in the front, it was really hard for them to stay involved.

00:27:27.500 Um, but, yeah, man.

00:27:30.600 Look, we, I gave it my all on that show.

00:27:32.600 I broke out everything I had.

00:27:33.900 I gave it my all.

00:27:34.580 I was fighting to keep it up.

00:27:36.480 Um, but it's just tough sometime at the venue when you gotta police the crowd so much.

00:27:41.660 And you, then you can't focus on your, on doing the, on being entertaining.

00:27:46.180 And, um, but I'm glad you had fun, man.

00:27:49.740 I'm glad you and them fellas was in there holding y'all's meat.

00:27:53.160 And, and just talking about me, I guess, man.

00:27:58.680 Damn, this, uh, this episode, we really, maybe everybody's gay, bruh.

00:28:05.440 You know, maybe everybody's gay, dude.

00:28:07.540 I don't know, man, but, and look, I think especially like Minneapolis, if it gets cold enough, man, that's not gay, really.

00:28:21.800 That's, how cold is it?

00:28:23.820 If it's two degrees and Steven and Wallace suddenly are having sex, are they gay men or are they doing their best because it's cold?

00:28:42.200 You know what I'm saying?

00:28:42.620 You have to, everything comes into account.

00:28:47.020 But that was very sweet of your girl to get you those tickets and I'm glad that you had a great time, man.

00:28:50.780 I had a great time.

00:28:51.780 I just always, I wanted to be the best.

00:28:56.940 And, and it just, the staff at the venue, that just wasn't, honestly, I thought they did a shitty job.

00:29:05.000 I didn't think they did their job.

00:29:07.360 Uh, so, gang shit, bruh.

00:29:12.060 All right, we got a Patreon question came in right here.

00:29:14.960 But first, let me tell you about BetterHelp.

00:29:18.820 This episode is brought to you by BetterHelp.

00:29:21.780 BetterHelp will assess your needs and match you with your own licensed professional therapist.

00:29:28.000 You can start communicating in under 24 hours.

00:29:30.820 It's not a crisis line.

00:29:32.160 It's not self-help.

00:29:33.400 It is professional counseling done securely online.

00:29:36.320 And, and sometimes we, we all need help.

00:29:40.480 You know, we all need help sometimes.

00:29:43.580 You know, it's funny.

00:29:44.340 My mother texted me the other day and she said, that's what she just kind of said.

00:29:51.220 We'd been having a conversation about stuff and she said, we, you know, we all need help sometimes.

00:29:55.040 And man, it just really, that really resonated with me.

00:29:59.000 We, we really do.

00:29:59.900 And better help is an opportunity.

00:30:03.040 If you don't have therapy or counseling in your area, or you afraid to go see one, you think it's lame, you think it's gay, bro, you think it's this or that, then this is an option.

00:30:14.340 It's online, it's on the phone.

00:30:17.500 It's over FaceTime.

00:30:19.580 It's not a crisis line.

00:30:21.060 It's professional counseling.

00:30:22.800 You can log in your account anytime and send a message to your counselor.

00:30:26.260 It's available worldwide.

00:30:28.520 It's committed to facilitating great therapeutic matches.

00:30:32.020 So they make it easy and free to change counselors if needed.

00:30:36.320 BetterHelp wants you to start living a happier life today.

00:30:40.200 Visit betterhelp.com slash Theo.

00:30:42.920 That's better H-E-L-P and join the over half a million people taking charge of their mental health with the help of an experienced professional.

00:30:53.920 Special offer for this past weekend listeners.

00:30:56.120 Get 10% off your first month at betterhelp.com slash Theo.

00:31:01.620 And this episode is brought to you by BetterHelp.

00:31:06.680 Oh, yeah.

00:31:07.760 Yeah, we all need help sometimes, man.

00:31:12.920 I think it's easier to get help, but it's hard to say it almost sometimes.

00:31:19.100 It's hard to say, I need help.

00:31:20.640 You know, there's a story about they had this man, Ronald Ochsner, I think was his name.

00:31:30.140 And there's a hospital down in New Orleans called Ochsner.

00:31:33.900 And they spell it some way that it's impossible that you would ever know how to pronounce it unless somebody told you.

00:31:40.880 But then that's vintage Louisiana.

00:31:44.120 You know what I'm saying?

00:31:44.820 That's why Louisiana is so special, because if you want to know something about it, some of the words and this and that are so confusing, you got to hear it firsthand from somebody.

00:31:53.940 And that's what makes it a community effort.

00:31:57.100 That's what gives it that vibe.

00:31:59.360 Is there's so much mystery hidden in the way that they put the wording together.

00:32:02.740 That you have to have somebody explain it to you or somebody to be there to help you experience it.

00:32:12.600 And that's what gives it its core, really, of connection and tourism and stuff like that that you find there in Louisiana.

00:32:19.280 But this man, Ron Ochsner, he was a doctor, famous doctor.

00:32:27.740 Like if you saw somebody that was doing well, they're like, wow, man, how are you doing so well?

00:32:31.920 I say, well, I went to see him, Ron Ochsner.

00:32:34.400 And he started a hospital and he was like the smartest doctor.

00:32:38.260 He was like the smartest doctor around.

00:32:40.100 And one day he was at a convention and they was serving, they had London broil as the premier meet at the, I thought, at the function, luncheon, function, luncheon, the luncheon.

00:33:01.500 And he was choking.

00:33:03.700 He started choking on it.

00:33:04.960 He started choking on a piece of that broil, you know, just that hot.

00:33:10.560 Just a hot tri-tip was just really, really trying him.

00:33:16.780 And he went in the bathroom and choked to death at a convention of doctors because he was too embarrassed to check in and see what was up.

00:33:27.440 He was too embarrassed to just say to somebody else.

00:33:31.540 So we died in the bathroom.

00:33:32.720 We choked to death.

00:33:36.480 But just a reminder that, yeah, sometimes we need help.

00:33:39.160 And sometimes the hardest part is to ask for it.

00:33:42.700 Like if somebody would have walked in on him and seen him struggling, he'd have said, yeah, yeah, yeah, I need help.

00:33:50.620 But to go out and present yourself as something that is not, that's imperfect or that isn't perfect, you know, that's the, that's really the, that's one of the real toughest points.

00:34:04.680 It's just that, just surrendering and saying, yes, help me.

00:34:14.780 You know, I can't, I need air.

00:34:16.260 I need this.

00:34:16.840 I need love.

00:34:17.460 I need peace.

00:34:19.260 I need vision.

00:34:22.100 I can't see for myself.

00:34:23.240 I can't.

00:34:24.940 Whatever I'm seeing isn't clear.

00:34:26.380 Something's wrong.

00:34:27.020 I need help.

00:34:29.680 But anyway, that's, that's what's going on.

00:34:37.300 We got a Patreon question from Joey Piemont.

00:34:40.360 And I know he does Hangover Candle Company and they've supplied us with so many candles and I want to say thank you, Joey, for those.

00:34:47.800 Beautiful.

00:34:48.200 Beautiful.

00:34:49.700 And he said, Theo, you stay so busy and give us so much content.

00:34:52.960 When is there a bit of extra time just for yourself?

00:34:55.500 Do you have any hobbies?

00:34:57.840 Well, honestly, I wasn't even going to do this episode today.

00:35:01.280 I was going to just chill.

00:35:05.920 And we came in because we didn't, we didn't, we didn't need it for ads because we have a guest episode this week with Chris DiStefano tomorrow and TJ Miller coming up.

00:35:16.680 So if you have any questions for those guys, hit the hotline or send us a video through the website, a video question.

00:35:25.560 Or you can hit up Real Nick Davis on Instagram and ask him how to send a video question for either one of those guys.

00:35:34.260 You know what I just started doing?

00:35:35.620 I started reading more.

00:35:38.680 I'm going to try to focus more on my AA program now that I have, now that a lot of the big touring is over.

00:35:46.680 But I started playing chess the other day on my computer.

00:35:52.820 Actually, not the other day, maybe about two weeks ago.

00:35:55.680 And I like it.

00:35:57.500 It's just me against the computer and it's just regular level.

00:36:01.140 But I like it.

00:36:03.360 You know, I like just, I want my brain to think about other stuff than work.

00:36:10.000 And so those are things that I'm doing.

00:36:17.620 You know, I'm going to Maui this weekend to do a show and then I'm going to relax and work on meditation and go to some AA meetings.

00:36:25.000 And, yeah, I just, sometimes it's like you, and I don't think of it as giving myself, but you, yeah, there's so much output that I don't even know what's going on inside of myself sometimes.

00:36:38.640 Um, so I want to do some kind of just human accounting and balance the books inside of myself a little.

00:36:47.500 And I hope to focus on a little bit of that more as the future comes along, uh, soon now.

00:36:53.820 Another question we have here, uh, Michelle Mildred from Patreon said, do you have bougie requests for snacks or decor in your green room?

00:37:06.760 If not, if you could have a dream green room set up, what would be in there?

00:37:10.720 Like if you were an insanely big rock band, like the Stones or like Chris D'Elia.

00:37:18.480 What would you require to be in there before you go to your green room?

00:37:21.400 Money is no object.

00:37:23.820 Well, I don't know if I would hear, I, I, I, well, Chris D'Elia, probably it's easy for him to have whatever he wants in his green room.

00:37:39.420 Cause he was born in a green room.

00:37:41.920 If you don't know that about him, when he was born, there was everything there, snacks.

00:37:47.840 Oh, little pictures of milk and different types of milk.

00:37:51.240 You know, Oh, you want some cut of cheeses?

00:37:53.120 Oh, you use a newborn?

00:37:54.260 Who cares?

00:37:55.620 Here's half a handful of Brie.

00:37:58.320 Cause that's how Chris, when he came into the world, somebody said he came out of a couple of vaginas.

00:38:07.820 That's how we, you know, cause then fancy boys, that's how they present them to the world.

00:38:12.440 They come out of one vagina and then another one, another one.

00:38:15.200 It's just big.

00:38:15.800 And then another vagina has a trumpet in it.

00:38:18.200 It's just playing a trumpet.

00:38:19.220 But you know me, boy, I had a fricking elbow crawl, dude.

00:38:23.740 I had elbow crawl.

00:38:24.700 And that was it, bro.

00:38:28.680 They had half a Winston on the way out of my mother's son.

00:38:31.180 That's how I came out.

00:38:33.800 There wasn't, there wasn't nobody.

00:38:35.180 There wasn't even a doctor out there.

00:38:36.540 My mom was at work when I was born.

00:38:39.140 She said, well, going home, I'll meet you home.

00:38:41.860 I'll meet you home.

00:38:43.880 I said, what?

00:38:45.380 She said, pick up something if you want.

00:38:48.140 Stop by the Popeye's.

00:38:50.200 Get in a fight with a big sister if you need, whatever you need.

00:38:53.480 Get a two-piece.

00:38:55.140 And get in a fight with somebody.

00:38:57.040 Get your arm stuck in somebody's weave.

00:38:58.720 Do what you gotta do, fam.

00:39:01.100 I said, dang.

00:39:04.360 So I learned to walk out of necessity.

00:39:08.300 But yeah, in different green rooms, different things,

00:39:11.480 I have simple stuff in mind.

00:39:13.160 I have a little bit of berries in there.

00:39:15.440 Raspberry or blueberry or blackberry.

00:39:18.360 And I have some sliced turkey.

00:39:22.140 On a plate.

00:39:23.560 And that's what I like.

00:39:24.760 And coffee, but I think I might be allergic to coffee.

00:39:26.680 So I've been having to back off of that.

00:39:28.940 But that's it.

00:39:30.680 Those are the things that I have.

00:39:34.460 Oh.

00:39:35.340 Yeah, I wasn't gonna do this episode,

00:39:36.700 but honest, I'm not even joking.

00:39:37.720 The reason I did was because

00:39:38.980 this is what we do.

00:39:43.980 You know, sometimes we don't want it to show up,

00:39:45.800 and we show up.

00:39:48.060 You know, sometimes we don't want to show up,

00:39:50.280 but we show up.

00:39:51.300 And honestly, I feel better now

00:39:53.840 than when I was uncertain if I wanted to or not

00:39:56.200 to do the episode.

00:39:57.360 Let's take a call off of this one.

00:39:59.660 Here we go.

00:40:00.580 The hotline is always

00:40:01.480 985-664-9503.

00:40:06.320 Yo, what up, Theo?

00:40:07.440 It's your boy Bubba

00:40:08.260 from Orange County.

00:40:10.360 Bubba from the OC, huh?

00:40:12.400 Hmm.

00:40:13.900 And we used to have a fella by us

00:40:15.300 growing up named Bubby Jenkins.

00:40:18.100 And his brother drove a Bush light truck.

00:40:20.600 And Bubby was real.

00:40:23.180 He had a real...

00:40:24.720 He was real edgy.

00:40:28.520 He was real edgy as a child.

00:40:30.020 We were all edgy in our neighborhood.

00:40:33.240 I mean, I'm surprised if you'd have tested

00:40:34.500 our neighborhood for a cliff

00:40:35.960 or a steep embankment

00:40:38.020 or drop-off nearby,

00:40:39.600 we'd have tested positive.

00:40:41.620 Because we was on edge, baby.

00:40:43.680 We was edgy.

00:40:44.540 And Bubby had a low basketball goal

00:40:48.140 by his house

00:40:48.620 and we'd go over there

00:40:49.140 and dunk on it.

00:40:51.160 And we would dunk on each other

00:40:52.500 and then everybody would just end up

00:40:53.720 beating the shit out of each other

00:40:54.880 just because, you know,

00:40:57.040 fouls and everything

00:40:57.880 and just being poor.

00:40:59.540 But...

00:41:00.040 Anyway,

00:41:01.160 what you got, Playboy Bubba?

00:41:03.640 I'm just wondering

00:41:04.440 what are your thoughts

00:41:05.760 on this virus, bro?

00:41:07.640 You think it's coming for you?

00:41:09.560 You doing any precautions

00:41:11.400 to take care of yourself?

00:41:13.640 I just want to know

00:41:14.360 what you got.

00:41:17.940 That coronavirus, man.

00:41:20.440 COVID-19.

00:41:22.860 Well, I don't know

00:41:23.420 if you guys know or not,

00:41:24.360 but the Primate Center

00:41:25.800 that I grew up around

00:41:27.580 in Covington, Louisiana,

00:41:28.720 and why, you know,

00:41:30.880 they had us out there

00:41:31.740 wrangling chimps

00:41:32.580 and when I was probably,

00:41:34.420 I don't even know.

00:41:37.360 Just, I don't even know

00:41:38.160 how tall I was.

00:41:38.820 Maybe titty high

00:41:39.600 on a middle-aged woman.

00:41:42.080 You know, top of the titty,

00:41:43.520 but, you know,

00:41:45.540 they gave that same center

00:41:48.480 where monkeys escaped

00:41:50.300 in my hometown growing up,

00:41:51.340 they gave them $40 million

00:41:52.620 to fight this virus

00:41:54.640 or to try and cure it.

00:41:58.720 Dude,

00:41:59.660 I'm telling you this, man.

00:42:05.400 In my town, bro,

00:42:06.780 they ain't curing shit, man.

00:42:08.940 You know what I'm saying?

00:42:09.900 No doubt.

00:42:11.240 I'm not saying,

00:42:12.080 but look,

00:42:13.120 they got a Popeye's

00:42:14.100 four blocks

00:42:14.840 from the freaking

00:42:15.380 Primate Center.

00:42:17.140 They ain't,

00:42:17.520 nobody's curing shit

00:42:18.660 around there.

00:42:20.000 I'm not saying

00:42:20.600 they're not doing

00:42:21.160 a decent job

00:42:22.060 or this or that

00:42:22.820 or they're not going

00:42:23.340 to test and do

00:42:24.120 the testing stuff,

00:42:25.140 but look,

00:42:26.620 if you come down

00:42:27.700 by the Chifuncta River

00:42:28.980 and you expect us

00:42:32.140 to solve it all,

00:42:35.400 save the world,

00:42:36.760 we're not doing that.

00:42:38.520 We don't do that.

00:42:40.880 We want the monkeys

00:42:42.000 to have a little fun.

00:42:42.920 We want everybody

00:42:43.460 to flare up a little.

00:42:45.100 We're doing Mardi Gras.

00:42:46.380 We're doing recipes.

00:42:48.640 We ain't salt.

00:42:49.320 We ain't doing

00:42:49.860 all of the bullshit,

00:42:51.640 saving everybody.

00:42:52.640 That's not us.

00:42:54.520 Somebody has to go.

00:42:55.960 Somebody has to go

00:42:56.800 to heaven.

00:42:57.260 Somebody has to go

00:42:57.940 to hell.

00:42:59.880 We,

00:43:00.160 I grew up

00:43:01.560 in the stray animal belt.

00:43:04.360 I grew up

00:43:05.080 in an area

00:43:08.160 where the number

00:43:09.300 one currency

00:43:09.960 is anecdotes

00:43:13.920 and stories

00:43:14.720 and memories.

00:43:17.240 You know,

00:43:17.480 that's the vibe

00:43:18.380 of Louisiana.

00:43:18.960 It's about the,

00:43:20.100 it's about the fun

00:43:21.980 and about the mystery.

00:43:25.320 And so that's

00:43:26.100 what you get around us.

00:43:28.280 So you come down

00:43:29.260 and you can pump

00:43:29.820 200 billion.

00:43:30.940 You can put

00:43:31.300 a billion dollars in.

00:43:34.500 200 billion, baby,

00:43:36.160 or one billion.

00:43:38.360 And look,

00:43:40.720 I'm telling you,

00:43:41.980 it'd be better off

00:43:42.640 just buying you

00:43:43.320 a dozen

00:43:45.020 of fresh oyster.

00:43:48.960 with a little bit

00:43:50.520 of a bread pudding

00:43:52.360 dessert

00:43:52.800 and calling it

00:43:54.620 a wrap, son.

00:43:56.120 And save your monkey.

00:43:58.140 And save your money,

00:43:59.480 too.

00:44:01.340 But,

00:44:01.940 what do I think

00:44:02.980 about the coronavirus?

00:44:03.880 Here's what I think.

00:44:04.680 I think,

00:44:05.500 I think we'll never know

00:44:07.720 right now

00:44:08.280 how real things are,

00:44:09.900 how real things aren't.

00:44:11.580 I don't believe

00:44:12.080 you could trust,

00:44:12.660 I do not believe

00:44:13.520 you could trust

00:44:14.040 news out of China.

00:44:15.140 I do not believe

00:44:16.000 that you could trust

00:44:17.040 mainstream media

00:44:20.320 to,

00:44:21.600 to tell you anything

00:44:23.980 that doesn't have

00:44:25.160 some other side

00:44:26.100 of it for them

00:44:27.080 or,

00:44:28.000 you know,

00:44:28.420 they want to scare us

00:44:29.800 because they can sell ads.

00:44:31.180 They keep us glued

00:44:31.760 to their television.

00:44:32.540 You know,

00:44:34.740 I think it's always

00:44:35.280 a good idea

00:44:35.680 to take care of yourself.

00:44:37.760 You know,

00:44:38.200 it seems like,

00:44:40.200 it sounds like the cold,

00:44:43.000 it sounds like the flu

00:44:43.920 and it doesn't seem

00:44:45.060 like statistically

00:44:45.740 compared to bigger,

00:44:46.900 compared to other diseases

00:44:48.260 that it's really

00:44:48.940 doing anything.

00:44:51.340 You know,

00:44:51.800 you could die

00:44:52.260 of anything now

00:44:52.900 and you could just

00:44:53.360 say it's coronavirus.

00:44:54.060 I mean,

00:44:54.320 it sounds like

00:44:55.660 the vaguest shit

00:44:56.520 I've ever heard.

00:45:00.040 But it just sounds

00:45:00.940 real popularized.

00:45:03.280 You know,

00:45:03.900 it's like,

00:45:04.260 there's always been,

00:45:04.980 you know,

00:45:05.280 swine flu,

00:45:06.200 there was SARS.

00:45:07.040 Remember all of this?

00:45:08.380 Nobody,

00:45:08.960 nothing,

00:45:09.400 nobody ever,

00:45:11.280 none of that shit

00:45:12.060 did anything.

00:45:14.020 Nobody knows anybody

00:45:14.980 that died from SARS.

00:45:16.340 What?

00:45:18.420 No,

00:45:18.900 some people thought

00:45:19.400 it was a test.

00:45:20.340 One guy took it,

00:45:21.680 now he's an attorney.

00:45:23.820 Out there outside of Folsom

00:45:25.040 over there in Livingston Parish,

00:45:26.200 Louisiana.

00:45:28.480 So,

00:45:29.840 this hit or miss,

00:45:31.380 but,

00:45:31.720 this is a miss,

00:45:32.920 I think,

00:45:33.240 for me.

00:45:35.060 I just don't,

00:45:36.420 now do I think that,

00:45:38.360 I think it's a perfect,

00:45:41.400 I think this is a perfect

00:45:42.260 example for us to see

00:45:43.400 the power of the media

00:45:45.200 and how much it can

00:45:46.080 scare people.

00:45:48.460 And,

00:45:49.300 we're just at a time now

00:45:50.640 where people don't believe

00:45:51.620 the news anymore,

00:45:52.860 rightfully so,

00:45:54.200 and they shouldn't.

00:45:55.580 And it's a great time

00:45:56.480 to take care of yourself

00:45:57.460 and take care of your own

00:45:58.720 and trust your instincts.

00:46:01.220 You know,

00:46:01.620 the number one news source

00:46:02.640 that most of us have,

00:46:03.480 I think,

00:46:03.720 is our instincts.

00:46:04.500 And sometimes it's hard

00:46:09.740 to read them,

00:46:10.560 but,

00:46:11.240 but that's okay

00:46:13.200 if something bad,

00:46:13.800 if you get them wrong,

00:46:14.720 you get the instincts wrong,

00:46:15.720 you read them wrong,

00:46:16.920 and you mess up,

00:46:18.900 then that's why you gotta

00:46:20.040 be a good person

00:46:20.620 because then you go to heaven,

00:46:21.400 baby.

00:46:23.240 And then they got

00:46:24.020 what you want up there.

00:46:25.320 They got the snack table,

00:46:28.160 baby.

00:46:29.440 They got unlimited videos.

00:46:32.320 They got it all.

00:46:33.900 Okay.

00:46:36.980 Let's take another call

00:46:37.960 that came in right here.

00:46:38.980 985-664-9503.

00:46:43.040 Hey, Theo.

00:46:44.060 This is Johnny

00:46:45.420 from Rhode Island.

00:46:47.280 I had a quick question for you.

00:46:49.420 Feel a little weird

00:46:50.080 about this one,

00:46:50.820 but whatever.

00:46:51.880 So,

00:46:53.040 I'm 26 years old.

00:46:54.380 My cousin's 21 years old

00:46:56.180 in college,

00:46:56.940 and I'm not gonna lie,

00:46:58.920 she's a pretty good-looking girl.

00:47:01.880 She's been posting

00:47:02.880 pictures on Instagram.

00:47:04.280 You know,

00:47:04.480 I haven't really seen her

00:47:05.540 that much

00:47:06.840 since she's gotten older.

00:47:08.640 Oh,

00:47:09.180 if you've never even seen her,

00:47:10.380 then she could be

00:47:10.840 your best friend, dude.

00:47:12.880 According to our previous caller,

00:47:14.380 Onward.

00:47:15.480 And she looks pretty good.

00:47:19.000 Her family's got a beach house

00:47:20.840 right near my father's

00:47:23.800 and,

00:47:24.480 you know,

00:47:25.020 she invited me

00:47:26.840 to come

00:47:27.440 with her friends

00:47:28.660 out to the beach

00:47:29.520 this summer

00:47:30.200 and hang out with them.

00:47:32.960 Is it weird

00:47:33.820 if I go?

00:47:34.880 Should I bring

00:47:35.560 some of my friends?

00:47:36.800 I mean,

00:47:37.240 I don't want to be

00:47:38.060 staring at her.

00:47:38.880 I don't want to do

00:47:39.680 something stupid

00:47:40.340 if we get,

00:47:41.280 you know,

00:47:41.900 a little drunk

00:47:42.540 or whatever.

00:47:43.240 So,

00:47:44.220 now,

00:47:44.640 tell me what I should do.

00:47:46.440 Should I hook my friends up?

00:47:47.900 I don't know,

00:47:48.880 you know,

00:47:49.200 but...

00:47:49.820 Well,

00:47:51.340 I could tell

00:47:52.020 since it was the last thing

00:47:53.140 you offered,

00:47:53.720 the last suggestion

00:47:54.640 you had was to hook

00:47:55.420 your friends up

00:47:56.120 so I know you're

00:47:56.700 taking that off the table.

00:47:59.580 Look,

00:48:00.000 I think you love

00:48:00.760 your cousin.

00:48:03.860 I think you're

00:48:04.520 attracted to her,

00:48:05.220 I think.

00:48:08.720 I don't even know

00:48:09.440 if it's illegal anymore

00:48:11.020 to be in love

00:48:11.640 with your cousin.

00:48:12.180 Is it illegal

00:48:13.760 for cousin

00:48:17.140 sex?

00:48:21.940 Hold on,

00:48:22.580 hold on,

00:48:23.040 Johnny.

00:48:24.580 Sexual relations

00:48:25.300 between first cousins

00:48:26.140 are illegal

00:48:27.100 in

00:48:27.820 Mississippi.

00:48:30.820 I know Johnny

00:48:31.460 right now,

00:48:32.240 sorry,

00:48:32.520 what's your name,

00:48:32.860 Johnny?

00:48:33.080 Let me make sure,

00:48:33.560 Johnny.

00:48:34.080 Let me hear.

00:48:37.320 Hey,

00:48:37.860 Theo,

00:48:38.320 this is

00:48:38.760 Johnny

00:48:39.680 from Rhode Island.

00:48:40.840 Yeah,

00:48:41.180 Johnny.

00:48:42.180 Yeah,

00:48:42.460 Johnny,

00:48:42.720 I know right now

00:48:43.360 you are hoping

00:48:44.480 that your state

00:48:45.940 doesn't come up

00:48:46.520 on this list.

00:48:48.080 Sexual relations

00:48:48.780 between first cousins

00:48:49.780 are illegal

00:48:50.580 in Mississippi.

00:48:52.460 Thank God.

00:48:53.900 Kentucky,

00:48:55.240 Texas,

00:48:57.560 Wisconsin,

00:48:59.000 North Dakota,

00:48:59.980 South Dakota,

00:49:00.620 and Nevada.

00:49:02.680 They are unregulated

00:49:04.020 but generally frowned upon

00:49:05.700 in all other states.

00:49:07.060 Generally frowned upon.

00:49:09.600 So that could be anything.

00:49:12.020 Washington,

00:49:12.640 D.C.

00:49:13.060 and territories.

00:49:14.220 Those are other places

00:49:15.120 where they are unregulated

00:49:16.160 but generally frowned upon.

00:49:18.620 Look,

00:49:18.980 man,

00:49:20.320 you know,

00:49:22.620 love is love,

00:49:23.500 man.

00:49:25.460 You know,

00:49:26.040 the guy called from

00:49:26.820 after Oxen Hill show,

00:49:28.860 D.C.,

00:49:29.340 and he's holding his wiener

00:49:30.640 in there with other men

00:49:31.580 and they enjoyed

00:49:33.040 the show.

00:49:35.880 That's some type

00:49:37.400 of love,

00:49:37.840 dude.

00:49:40.160 It's not,

00:49:40.740 you know,

00:49:41.020 it's the other guy

00:49:42.300 never even met the dude.

00:49:43.560 They came up together

00:49:44.740 and,

00:49:45.520 you know,

00:49:45.840 and they met

00:49:46.260 for the second time

00:49:47.100 or whatever,

00:49:47.440 their best friends

00:49:48.260 or whatever

00:49:48.880 and they are obviously

00:49:51.320 lovers

00:49:51.840 and gay men.

00:49:54.060 But,

00:49:55.120 that's love,

00:49:56.600 man.

00:49:56.760 So,

00:49:59.060 if you want to,

00:50:00.180 here's the thing,

00:50:02.760 what you don't want to do

00:50:03.780 is seem like a pervert.

00:50:05.180 You don't want to go out there

00:50:06.180 and be perving out

00:50:07.220 on your cousin

00:50:08.380 if she's not returning

00:50:09.240 the vibe,

00:50:09.960 bro.

00:50:11.120 That's a no.

00:50:13.300 Because that's your cousin,

00:50:14.300 that's your real cousin.

00:50:16.020 You're going to have to see her

00:50:16.820 at future events

00:50:17.760 and shit.

00:50:18.380 You can't pop a couple Molly

00:50:19.880 and roll over there

00:50:21.480 to the family reunion

00:50:23.500 and shit,

00:50:24.040 man.

00:50:24.200 You can't,

00:50:24.740 or do you want to be

00:50:27.540 that dope ass cousin

00:50:28.680 years from now

00:50:29.620 that tried to hook up

00:50:31.440 with the hot cousin

00:50:32.260 in the family?

00:50:34.600 I would just say,

00:50:35.680 I would look at the future.

00:50:37.460 Five years from now,

00:50:38.380 say you're at a family reunion.

00:50:40.540 What does this look like

00:50:41.700 if I do it now?

00:50:44.600 And take the vibe from her.

00:50:47.260 Do spin the bottle

00:50:48.160 with her and her friends.

00:50:49.420 See if they make it

00:50:50.560 so there's no chance,

00:50:51.480 like,

00:50:52.360 okay,

00:50:52.740 you know,

00:50:53.900 Larissa can't

00:50:54.700 spin if John,

00:50:55.540 or something.

00:50:56.740 If she does that,

00:51:00.220 you know,

00:51:01.040 you gotta,

00:51:02.480 y'all gotta think

00:51:03.240 outside the box,

00:51:04.360 dude.

00:51:04.600 Because if you think

00:51:05.460 inside the box too much,

00:51:06.700 you could have a baby

00:51:07.460 that has,

00:51:08.360 you know,

00:51:09.260 too much legs.

00:51:11.800 So,

00:51:12.380 you gotta stay classy,

00:51:13.520 brother.

00:51:14.640 But at the same time,

00:51:16.000 if somebody gets divorced,

00:51:17.240 y'all might not even

00:51:17.660 be cousins anymore.

00:51:19.640 So you also need to,

00:51:20.940 you know,

00:51:21.180 love is love,

00:51:22.020 brother.

00:51:23.260 Love is love.

00:51:26.220 But,

00:51:27.020 so I would go to the beach,

00:51:28.560 I would bring a friend.

00:51:31.020 But there's nothing wrong

00:51:32.300 with lusting after a cousin.

00:51:33.840 There's nothing wrong with that.

00:51:36.740 It's just how you proceed

00:51:38.180 through it.

00:51:41.960 That's where things

00:51:43.080 could get unique.

00:51:44.900 I used to date a girl,

00:51:46.500 and her cousin

00:51:47.300 was into her.

00:51:47.980 Now that I think about it,

00:51:50.420 her male cousin,

00:51:51.980 she had a cousin,

00:51:54.380 a male cousin,

00:51:55.800 who loved her,

00:51:57.580 who was into her,

00:51:58.940 and who would try

00:51:59.380 hitting on her.

00:52:00.620 And she thought

00:52:01.140 it was so fucked up.

00:52:04.500 She just always thought

00:52:05.500 it was kind of weird.

00:52:06.260 They're still friends,

00:52:07.000 they're still good buddies

00:52:07.800 and cousins,

00:52:08.440 but she always thought

00:52:09.080 it was a little strange.

00:52:10.460 So,

00:52:10.880 anyway,

00:52:11.220 that's just like a little view

00:52:12.060 from the other side

00:52:12.560 of the tracks.

00:52:13.080 What else we got here

00:52:15.960 that came through?

00:52:20.140 Oh,

00:52:20.700 we'll get,

00:52:21.320 we'll get,

00:52:21.720 last week we talked about

00:52:22.640 was there ever anything

00:52:23.320 in your life

00:52:23.780 that you let go of

00:52:25.000 that you wish you hadn't?

00:52:29.500 And people hit the hotline

00:52:30.700 with a couple of thoughts

00:52:31.480 on that,

00:52:32.000 and let's get to those

00:52:33.640 right now.

00:52:34.680 Theo Vaughn,

00:52:35.640 what is up my brother?

00:52:36.980 This is Dak

00:52:37.900 coming from the other coast

00:52:39.960 all the way on the other side

00:52:41.560 of the country.

00:52:43.080 in North Carolina.

00:52:45.060 What's up,

00:52:45.460 Jack from NC?

00:52:47.840 In North Carolina

00:52:48.820 is a,

00:52:49.620 it's quite a real

00:52:50.640 secretive and unique area,

00:52:52.600 and people love it there.

00:52:55.380 You know,

00:52:55.880 people always talk about

00:52:56.580 the Outer Banks

00:52:57.460 and the Inner Banks

00:52:58.540 and,

00:52:59.660 you know,

00:53:01.760 Wells Fargo,

00:53:02.460 all of the shit over there.

00:53:03.700 People love it, gang.

00:53:05.300 Just watch

00:53:06.180 Chips and Practice

00:53:07.320 said to hit the hotline.

00:53:09.980 If you had something

00:53:11.420 good

00:53:12.200 and you just gave it away.

00:53:14.240 Like,

00:53:14.680 dude,

00:53:14.960 I remember back

00:53:15.840 in high school,

00:53:17.680 dude,

00:53:18.320 like,

00:53:18.860 I was able to

00:53:20.160 really,

00:53:21.320 it seemed like,

00:53:22.080 get any girlfriend

00:53:22.900 I want.

00:53:24.440 Yeah.

00:53:25.720 Can't imagine

00:53:26.440 what that's like.

00:53:28.980 But,

00:53:29.420 you know,

00:53:29.620 everybody has a time

00:53:30.480 in their life

00:53:30.860 where they're a champ.

00:53:32.220 You either get that champ

00:53:33.240 early or you get that champ

00:53:34.400 late.

00:53:34.960 But everybody has that time

00:53:36.120 to be that

00:53:37.060 chirping champ.

00:53:39.240 We all get it.

00:53:41.540 There's some,

00:53:42.060 there's some moment

00:53:42.940 in the world,

00:53:43.620 and here's the thing,

00:53:44.400 if you chirp early,

00:53:45.340 you don't chirp late

00:53:46.140 sometimes.

00:53:46.760 You know,

00:53:48.940 but everybody has,

00:53:49.720 everybody has that chance

00:53:50.660 to be a chirping champ.

00:53:51.880 Let's hear more.

00:53:53.080 Had a lot of good girls,

00:53:54.700 and dude,

00:53:55.280 I would always just

00:53:56.420 give them up.

00:53:57.660 I'd always break up

00:53:58.680 with them

00:53:59.000 because I always just

00:53:59.780 wanted another one.

00:54:01.580 Like,

00:54:01.740 I wanted a better

00:54:03.200 looking one,

00:54:03.820 or I wanted a

00:54:04.520 funnier one,

00:54:05.760 and like,

00:54:06.860 you know,

00:54:07.240 I've really struggled

00:54:08.220 to even like

00:54:09.400 get in a relationship

00:54:10.380 nowadays.

00:54:11.040 I'm 26 years old.

00:54:13.280 Been a while

00:54:14.060 since I have

00:54:14.720 like an actual

00:54:15.300 girlfriend.

00:54:17.200 And I don't know,

00:54:18.200 man,

00:54:18.440 yeah,

00:54:18.580 I just think

00:54:18.940 it's kind of funny.

00:54:19.800 It's like,

00:54:20.720 I don't know

00:54:21.140 what part of me

00:54:21.980 is always just like

00:54:22.940 doesn't want to

00:54:25.160 accept this good thing

00:54:26.860 and like always

00:54:27.660 thinks there's

00:54:28.260 something better.

00:54:29.500 You know,

00:54:29.820 shit,

00:54:30.140 maybe there is,

00:54:31.020 maybe there is

00:54:32.100 a reason,

00:54:32.940 you know,

00:54:34.060 I let them go,

00:54:35.020 and maybe something

00:54:36.440 good's gonna come

00:54:38.040 down the line,

00:54:38.840 but nonetheless,

00:54:39.700 it is just kind of

00:54:40.600 interesting part

00:54:44.300 of my ego

00:54:45.100 as well.

00:54:47.140 Anyways,

00:54:47.840 appreciate you,

00:54:48.480 dude.

00:54:49.040 I'll see you later.

00:54:50.160 Gang,

00:54:50.660 bro.

00:54:51.900 And thank you

00:54:52.660 for the call,

00:54:53.280 man.

00:54:56.400 Yeah,

00:54:56.980 it's,

00:54:58.780 you know,

00:54:59.820 we always can be

00:55:01.440 kind of hedging

00:55:02.160 our bets,

00:55:03.420 saying,

00:55:04.000 or not hedging,

00:55:04.600 or unhedging them.

00:55:05.960 You know,

00:55:06.160 we're always saying,

00:55:06.940 okay,

00:55:07.240 well,

00:55:08.420 this situation

00:55:09.660 is good,

00:55:10.200 but I'm,

00:55:10.760 I'm willing to put,

00:55:12.020 I'm willing to set it

00:55:12.860 to the side

00:55:13.460 and see if another

00:55:14.760 one comes.

00:55:16.680 You know,

00:55:17.220 and then I think

00:55:17.860 sometimes another one

00:55:19.440 might not come.

00:55:21.220 I mean,

00:55:21.740 you sound young enough

00:55:22.880 and,

00:55:23.440 I mean,

00:55:24.020 you are young enough,

00:55:24.740 you're 26,

00:55:25.420 you said,

00:55:25.660 but you sound

00:55:26.440 wise enough

00:55:28.800 and aware enough

00:55:30.020 where at least

00:55:30.840 you kind of see

00:55:31.320 what's going on

00:55:32.060 and you,

00:55:33.260 you know,

00:55:33.900 at least

00:55:35.860 you're self-aware,

00:55:37.880 you know,

00:55:38.160 so you're going to,

00:55:38.780 it's going to,

00:55:39.680 it's going to work out

00:55:40.380 fine for you,

00:55:41.040 brother,

00:55:41.280 because,

00:55:42.260 you know,

00:55:43.240 now you're calibrated

00:55:44.900 and you'll know,

00:55:45.520 okay,

00:55:47.140 you'll know when

00:55:48.040 what's right is right

00:55:48.900 comes next.

00:55:51.520 But yeah,

00:55:52.160 it's interesting how

00:55:53.060 there's a part of us

00:55:54.280 that's always like,

00:55:54.960 okay,

00:55:55.220 maybe there's something

00:55:55.860 better,

00:55:56.300 maybe there's

00:55:56.700 something different.

00:55:57.560 you know,

00:56:01.800 there's always

00:56:02.160 something different,

00:56:02.720 maybe there's

00:56:03.060 something better,

00:56:03.780 why we're not happy,

00:56:04.820 why we're,

00:56:06.440 or maybe why we are

00:56:07.500 happy,

00:56:07.960 but we just,

00:56:09.200 we want to roll

00:56:10.640 the dice.

00:56:14.300 Yeah,

00:56:14.740 it's,

00:56:15.500 there's a great value

00:56:19.600 in being able to say,

00:56:20.580 I am happy

00:56:21.380 and,

00:56:24.800 and to not

00:56:27.200 had that,

00:56:27.660 it let temptation

00:56:28.560 get you.

00:56:32.500 That's one of the

00:56:33.180 worst things about

00:56:33.820 social media.

00:56:35.100 It's just,

00:56:35.760 there's always

00:56:36.260 temptation,

00:56:36.940 there's always

00:56:37.360 advertising can reach

00:56:38.480 us,

00:56:38.640 there's always

00:56:39.080 something telling

00:56:40.020 us that we could

00:56:40.960 be different or

00:56:41.680 better.

00:56:44.100 There's always

00:56:44.800 some chick running

00:56:45.700 by in a bikini

00:56:46.780 with,

00:56:47.080 you know,

00:56:48.240 size 11 titties

00:56:49.580 over there,

00:56:50.740 and small feet.

00:56:53.220 You're like,

00:56:53.640 damn.

00:56:53.900 But you don't

00:56:57.560 see the aftermath

00:56:58.360 when she goes and

00:56:59.240 sits out in her

00:56:59.920 brother's truck or

00:57:00.740 whatever and she's

00:57:01.480 shooting up or

00:57:02.240 she's,

00:57:03.120 you know,

00:57:03.680 vomiting out the

00:57:04.480 back of a van or

00:57:05.420 something.

00:57:06.860 So she could take,

00:57:07.800 do,

00:57:08.620 you know,

00:57:09.160 because she's all,

00:57:10.940 you know,

00:57:11.420 you know,

00:57:12.300 twerked out on

00:57:12.960 bang energy drink

00:57:13.940 and hasn't eaten in

00:57:14.700 a month.

00:57:15.300 We don't see the

00:57:16.100 full role.

00:57:18.400 It's that temptation.

00:57:19.500 But yeah,

00:57:21.440 to recognize when

00:57:22.200 we're really happy

00:57:22.840 inside of ourselves,

00:57:24.800 there's a real value

00:57:25.800 in that.

00:57:28.580 But you have,

00:57:29.380 you have,

00:57:29.740 you have other good

00:57:30.380 opportunities come along

00:57:31.280 when you sound like a

00:57:31.880 wise young fella and

00:57:32.900 thank you for sharing

00:57:34.180 that experience.

00:57:39.800 Yeah,

00:57:40.240 because it's

00:57:40.720 interesting.

00:57:41.200 It's like we,

00:57:41.780 you know,

00:57:42.040 I've asked God for

00:57:42.880 things in my life and

00:57:43.840 then he gives them to

00:57:44.800 me or the powers in

00:57:46.580 the world give them

00:57:47.500 to me.

00:57:48.040 And I have them

00:57:49.680 and then as soon as

00:57:50.840 I kind of have them,

00:57:51.920 I say,

00:57:52.280 well,

00:57:53.300 maybe I'll go back

00:57:54.340 to the poker table

00:57:55.260 one more time,

00:57:56.640 you know.

00:58:01.420 And whatever that

00:58:02.340 little battle is

00:58:03.260 right there,

00:58:03.920 that's,

00:58:04.840 man,

00:58:05.820 there's something

00:58:06.320 that's real strong

00:58:07.260 and powerful

00:58:07.820 to be able to say,

00:58:10.020 man,

00:58:10.180 I'm grateful for

00:58:11.440 what is this is

00:58:12.660 and I'm going to

00:58:13.400 take care of this

00:58:14.000 gift that I have.

00:58:16.020 And I know with

00:58:16.780 dating and stuff,

00:58:17.400 I'm kind of

00:58:17.760 generalizing it,

00:58:18.740 you know,

00:58:19.060 but,

00:58:19.480 and dating is just

00:58:21.040 kind of specific,

00:58:21.700 you know,

00:58:21.880 it's a specific

00:58:22.520 thing,

00:58:23.020 but yes,

00:58:25.900 you know,

00:58:27.180 that's the gambler,

00:58:28.060 man.

00:58:28.840 That's the gambler.

00:58:30.140 Yeah.

00:58:31.180 Hi,

00:58:31.760 Theo.

00:58:32.260 My name's Jennifer

00:58:33.120 and I just heard

00:58:34.680 your podcast

00:58:35.720 about how

00:58:36.720 sometimes it's

00:58:37.940 difficult to

00:58:38.900 figure out

00:58:39.580 we have something

00:58:40.560 really good

00:58:41.580 and how our ego

00:58:42.960 can sometimes

00:58:43.720 get in the way.

00:58:44.720 and I wanted

00:58:45.940 to share

00:58:46.320 my story

00:58:47.120 and especially

00:58:48.060 because I'm

00:58:50.240 older,

00:58:50.840 I'm in my

00:58:51.200 early 50s

00:58:52.200 and this

00:58:53.300 happened when

00:58:54.000 I was in my

00:58:54.640 early 20s.

00:58:56.180 And thank you

00:58:56.940 for calling

00:58:57.260 Jennifer

00:58:57.800 and,

00:58:58.320 yeah,

00:58:58.420 let's hear

00:58:58.900 about it.

00:58:59.400 so I wanted

00:59:00.620 it to be

00:59:01.080 a little

00:59:01.360 cautionary tale

00:59:02.660 for the young

00:59:04.680 folk that

00:59:05.620 listen to your

00:59:06.200 podcast.

00:59:07.360 I was dating

00:59:08.460 a really

00:59:09.180 wonderful man.

00:59:09.980 He was my

00:59:10.420 first love,

00:59:11.280 but he didn't

00:59:12.760 make a lot of

00:59:13.300 money.

00:59:13.640 He was a

00:59:14.020 lifeguard.

00:59:15.140 I met a guy

00:59:15.840 who,

00:59:16.360 oh yeah,

00:59:17.240 and you really

00:59:18.900 named one of the

00:59:19.560 jobs,

00:59:19.960 probably the lowest

00:59:20.680 money making job

00:59:21.640 that there really

00:59:22.160 is almost

00:59:22.860 besides

00:59:24.520 somebody just

00:59:26.560 walking around

00:59:27.020 looking for

00:59:27.620 money.

00:59:27.940 And the

00:59:30.120 second one is

00:59:30.680 just probably

00:59:31.060 lifeguard.

00:59:32.320 Let's hear more.

00:59:33.160 Thank you for

00:59:33.440 the call.

00:59:34.180 Who was an

00:59:35.520 investment banker

00:59:36.380 and made a lot

00:59:37.180 of money,

00:59:37.620 spent a lot of

00:59:38.200 money on me.

00:59:39.540 And so,

00:59:40.580 long story short,

00:59:41.780 I dumped the

00:59:42.520 lifeguard thinking,

00:59:44.520 oh,

00:59:45.540 I've got it made

00:59:46.240 with this guy,

00:59:47.460 the new guy.

00:59:49.200 And he turned

00:59:50.320 out to be a

00:59:51.080 major douchebag.

00:59:53.100 Surprise,

00:59:53.640 surprise.

00:59:54.940 And when I

00:59:55.940 went calling

00:59:56.420 back to the

00:59:57.760 lifeguard,

00:59:59.100 he was already

00:59:59.920 dating a

01:00:00.500 professional

01:00:00.980 volleyball player

01:00:02.020 and his

01:00:02.740 attitude toward

01:00:03.640 me was pretty

01:00:04.580 much talk to

01:00:06.140 the hand.

01:00:07.480 And to this

01:00:08.540 day,

01:00:09.060 I regret having

01:00:09.960 done that.

01:00:10.880 So,

01:00:11.900 just FYI,

01:00:13.340 if you have

01:00:14.400 somebody good,

01:00:15.840 don't be so

01:00:16.780 sure that you've

01:00:17.620 got a million

01:00:18.080 more chances

01:00:18.840 to meet better

01:00:19.940 and better

01:00:20.360 people because

01:00:21.320 that doesn't

01:00:22.980 happen too

01:00:23.740 often.

01:00:24.580 In my case,

01:00:25.880 I never

01:00:26.660 found anyone

01:00:27.320 I liked as

01:00:27.860 much as the

01:00:28.480 lifeguard guy.

01:00:29.720 So,

01:00:31.140 bye to you.

01:00:31.900 Love you.

01:00:32.760 I love your

01:00:33.240 podcast.

01:00:35.020 Big hugs.

01:00:36.560 Gang.

01:00:37.320 Thank you.

01:00:38.180 I love you

01:00:38.600 too.

01:00:39.880 And I

01:00:40.220 appreciate that.

01:00:42.540 I appreciate

01:00:43.300 you sharing that

01:00:43.940 anecdote from

01:00:44.560 your life.

01:00:46.520 Yes.

01:00:49.540 Yeah,

01:00:50.080 I mean,

01:00:50.260 you know,

01:00:50.500 they say you

01:00:50.800 don't know how

01:00:51.220 something good

01:00:51.660 something is

01:00:52.040 until it's

01:00:52.340 gone.

01:00:57.420 But yeah,

01:00:58.240 it's just so

01:00:58.740 like,

01:01:00.700 we get

01:01:03.740 gifts,

01:01:04.280 you know,

01:01:04.540 sometimes.

01:01:05.140 And sometimes

01:01:05.460 they're people

01:01:06.000 and sometimes

01:01:06.480 they're things

01:01:07.120 and sometimes

01:01:07.540 they're experiences.

01:01:11.220 But I think

01:01:11.860 the people one

01:01:12.500 is most important.

01:01:15.520 You know,

01:01:16.080 when you get

01:01:16.520 that gift of

01:01:17.320 being able to

01:01:17.940 know someone

01:01:18.620 or have

01:01:21.020 that time,

01:01:21.560 have someone's

01:01:22.040 time,

01:01:22.460 have someone

01:01:22.780 care about

01:01:23.420 you.

01:01:25.700 And it's

01:01:26.320 nice you get

01:01:26.800 to care about

01:01:27.500 somebody.

01:01:27.980 That's one

01:01:28.380 thing that I've

01:01:28.980 really started

01:01:29.480 to learn in

01:01:30.040 the past

01:01:30.400 years of my

01:01:30.900 life is just

01:01:31.520 how much I

01:01:32.380 really enjoy

01:01:32.960 caring about

01:01:33.680 someone else.

01:01:36.080 It's nice.

01:01:39.500 I mean,

01:01:40.040 it's really nice

01:01:40.720 to just have

01:01:41.260 somebody to

01:01:41.720 care about.

01:01:43.840 You know,

01:01:44.440 make sure that

01:01:45.020 somebody is

01:01:45.640 taken care of,

01:01:47.060 make sure that

01:01:47.500 somebody is warm

01:01:48.420 and comfortable

01:01:49.000 and make sure

01:01:49.560 that somebody

01:01:50.020 is not scared.

01:01:52.020 You know,

01:01:52.180 make sure that

01:01:52.600 somebody is

01:01:53.420 just make sure

01:02:01.500 that somebody's

01:02:01.980 loved,

01:02:02.460 you know,

01:02:02.640 make sure that

01:02:03.240 it's nice

01:02:04.560 because when

01:02:05.020 you have

01:02:05.620 somebody and

01:02:06.340 you get to

01:02:07.380 do those

01:02:07.840 things for

01:02:08.200 somebody and

01:02:08.700 they accept

01:02:09.260 them and

01:02:09.600 they give

01:02:10.900 them back

01:02:11.300 to you,

01:02:11.620 that's a

01:02:11.920 real,

01:02:14.180 that,

01:02:15.500 they don't

01:02:16.060 advertise that,

01:02:16.960 man.

01:02:18.420 you know,

01:02:20.060 that's something

01:02:20.520 that comes

01:02:20.940 from the

01:02:21.220 inside of us

01:02:21.860 that the only

01:02:22.560 advertising,

01:02:23.100 the only time

01:02:23.640 you know when

01:02:24.220 that's really

01:02:24.680 right is when

01:02:26.600 you get that

01:02:27.040 inner advertising

01:02:29.160 when your heart

01:02:30.600 tells you,

01:02:31.140 yeah,

01:02:31.500 this is something,

01:02:33.140 this is something

01:02:33.840 real over here.

01:02:34.700 but thank you

01:02:38.760 for sharing your

01:02:39.280 tales and

01:02:39.660 thank you for

01:02:40.080 sharing your

01:02:40.420 thoughts and

01:02:42.100 thank you guys

01:02:42.860 just for,

01:02:43.860 thank you guys

01:02:44.340 for everybody

01:02:44.660 that came out

01:02:45.220 this weekend,

01:02:45.960 man,

01:02:46.160 we,

01:02:46.380 and we,

01:02:46.760 we finished

01:02:47.240 it up in

01:02:47.580 Virginia Beach

01:02:48.480 and over,

01:02:51.080 or no,

01:02:51.340 in Newport News

01:02:52.300 or bad news

01:02:53.340 they call it

01:02:53.980 and,

01:02:55.920 but it was

01:02:57.400 good news on

01:02:57.960 that night

01:02:58.460 and so many

01:03:00.400 just,

01:03:00.880 I met so many

01:03:01.360 people,

01:03:01.700 wonderful people

01:03:02.160 before the show,

01:03:02.860 after the show,

01:03:04.420 I tried to meet

01:03:05.600 as many people

01:03:06.160 as I could

01:03:06.880 and if I didn't

01:03:08.820 get to meet you

01:03:09.420 then I'll meet

01:03:09.820 you next time

01:03:10.580 and those were

01:03:13.380 the makeup shows,

01:03:14.220 those were the

01:03:14.800 last of the

01:03:15.380 makeup shows

01:03:16.160 except for

01:03:18.080 Brea,

01:03:18.660 which I'll get to

01:03:19.380 sometime this year

01:03:20.500 that I'm just

01:03:22.140 going to go over

01:03:22.540 there and work

01:03:22.900 on new material

01:03:23.600 a little later

01:03:24.220 in the year

01:03:24.760 or in the summer

01:03:26.100 or something,

01:03:26.700 but,

01:03:27.800 but thanks for

01:03:30.880 sticking with me,

01:03:31.540 thanks for being

01:03:33.020 a part of the

01:03:33.460 Dark Arts Tour

01:03:34.080 and for checking

01:03:34.580 it out

01:03:35.020 and,

01:03:35.340 and yeah,

01:03:37.440 it was just,

01:03:38.560 this weekend

01:03:39.100 was so much fun,

01:03:40.240 it was so much fun

01:03:41.040 and I'm,

01:03:41.820 and I know a good

01:03:42.600 thing,

01:03:44.220 you know,

01:03:44.860 and that's why

01:03:45.220 I showed up today

01:03:45.840 because I just,

01:03:46.800 I know a good

01:03:47.260 thing and a good

01:03:49.040 thing that we have

01:03:49.840 that I feel

01:03:51.240 and have felt

01:03:51.880 from everybody

01:03:52.620 across this entire

01:03:54.520 country and really

01:03:55.220 across the whole

01:03:55.760 world,

01:03:56.660 in Australia

01:03:57.240 and,

01:03:57.820 in the UK

01:03:59.520 and Norway

01:04:00.260 and Sweden

01:04:01.060 and somewhere

01:04:02.900 else,

01:04:03.420 but,

01:04:04.280 it's just that

01:04:07.920 there's some,

01:04:08.380 there's a good

01:04:08.820 energy in here

01:04:09.660 and,

01:04:12.000 and I hope

01:04:13.320 to focus more

01:04:14.000 on that

01:04:14.280 and work more

01:04:14.840 on that

01:04:15.300 and figure out

01:04:16.460 how we can

01:04:16.820 start to do

01:04:17.300 more good

01:04:17.760 things

01:04:18.320 together

01:04:20.960 and for

01:04:22.860 others

01:04:23.280 and gang

01:04:26.060 all day

01:04:28.020 thank you so

01:04:29.960 much

01:04:30.280 for the love

01:04:30.980 and support

01:04:31.600 thank you

01:04:37.840 we'll finish out

01:04:46.220 with a little

01:04:46.500 bishop gun

01:04:47.080 right here

01:04:47.680 and we'll keep

01:04:52.340 it a little bit

01:04:52.740 let's do something

01:04:53.720 fun with bishop gun

01:04:54.620 here

01:04:54.920 anything you want

01:05:00.100 because I think

01:05:01.980 together man

01:05:02.660 we figure it out

01:05:03.260 together

01:05:03.480 we can have

01:05:03.920 anything you want

01:05:04.700 if you're struggling

01:05:05.380 out there

01:05:05.720 keep your head up

01:05:06.580 you know

01:05:11.260 if you're unmotivated

01:05:13.020 just

01:05:13.320 just put the next

01:05:15.180 foot in front of

01:05:15.720 the other

01:05:15.940 you could do it

01:05:16.740 you know

01:05:19.200 if your brain

01:05:19.700 doesn't want to

01:05:20.400 do something

01:05:20.800 just move your feet

01:05:21.620 and your brain

01:05:22.420 will follow

01:05:22.940 I know that

01:05:23.780 it really will

01:05:25.340 just get going

01:05:27.260 you know

01:05:28.940 you can do it

01:05:29.520 if you're struggling

01:05:30.060 with something

01:05:30.480 you can do it

01:05:31.220 I know you can

01:05:33.280 and don't be too

01:05:33.800 hard on yourself

01:05:34.440 I learned that

01:05:35.660 from you guys

01:05:36.340 alright man

01:05:38.020 let's get through it

01:05:38.860 be good to yourself

01:05:40.300 gang

01:05:52.940 I know you

01:06:08.640 Na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na.

01:06:12.360 Every night looking so right, just so tight, sell it, make them day.

01:06:18.340 Mm-mm-mm-mm-mm-mm-mm.

01:06:20.320 Keeping time on your wrist, checking that list, looking to assist with another man's fantasy.

01:06:25.700 Mm-mm-mm-mm-mm-mm-mm-mm-mm-mm-mm-mm.

01:06:27.580 Canona!

01:06:29.100 So you take another choke, line into a coat, do it till you're broke to escape reality.

01:06:36.180 I can hear you saying,

01:06:37.940 That's what a hold you got on me

01:06:42.520 Don't make me spin, I'm not alone

01:06:46.400 If you'll just give me what I need

01:06:51.180 You can have anything you want

01:07:07.940 Out eighteen, had a dream of a big screen

01:07:14.420 All dark up where the bright lights shine

01:07:17.240 But you wound up here twenty-one years

01:07:22.440 Wiping black tears, getting ready for the next in line

01:07:26.240 Cheap motels and long clock bells

01:07:31.240 Quick farewells, it goes on and on and on

01:07:34.120 Not to mention you crave attention and it comes easy

01:07:40.840 But for how long?

01:07:44.640 Oh, that you can't say

01:07:46.420 That's what a hold you got on me

01:07:51.200 Don't make me spin, I'm not alone

01:07:54.960 If you'll just give me what I need

01:07:59.720 You can have anything you want

01:08:04.120 Oh, yeah, anything you want

01:08:08.540 Oh, yeah, anything you want

01:08:12.860 Oh, oh, oh, oh

01:08:42.860 Oh, oh, oh, oh

01:09:12.860 I've been talking about Kite Club for so long

01:09:16.040 Longer than anybody else

01:09:17.680 So great

01:09:18.480 Hi, sweetheart

01:09:20.420 Here's the deal

01:09:21.520 Anyone who doesn't listen to Kite Club

01:09:23.960 Is a dodgy bloody wanker

01:09:26.000 Charmaine

01:09:26.700 I'll take a quarter pounder with cheese

01:09:30.000 And a McFlurry

01:09:31.040 Sorry, sir, but our ice cream machine is broken

01:09:32.880 Oh, oh, oh

01:09:34.340 I think Tom Hanks just butt-dialed me

01:09:37.840 Anyway, first rule of Kite Club is

01:09:40.240 Tell everyone about Kite Club

01:09:41.960 Second rule of Kite Club is

01:09:43.900 Tell everyone about Kite Club

01:09:46.140 Third rule

01:09:46.920 Like and subscribe wherever you listen to podcasts

01:09:49.560 Or watch us on YouTube, yeah?

01:09:52.160 And yes, don't worry

01:09:53.200 My Brad Pitt impression will get better

01:09:55.260 Thank you

01:09:56.260 Thank you

01:09:57.260 Thank you

01:09:58.260 Thank you

01:09:59.260 Thank you

This Past Weekend with Theo Von - March 03, 2020

Chirp Champ ｜ This Past Weekend #264

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