I'm back from Maui and I want to talk about one of my favorite places in the whole world, Maui, Hawaii. I talk about how beautiful it is there and how beautiful the waves are. I also talk about a new song from a local band called the North Mississippi All Stars called Drunk Outdoors.
00:00:00.000Oh, good to be back. You hear that sound out there? Somebody revving their car and two people fighting over a thing of, um, it looks like a thing of, uh, like one of those, uh, flame logs, a fire flame, you know, one of those Duralogs.
00:00:21.420Yup. It looks like two hardy, hardy, hardy lesbians out there fighting over a damn Duralog in the street and somebody revving their car at the same time. I'm in Cleveland, man. Uh, I'm at the hotel. I'm back from Maui.
00:00:37.740If you hear that, that's just that calm that's inside of me. Hey, I'm back from that Maui. Wow. We, you hear? Oh, hell yeah, boy. Somebody just, somebody, you heard it? Somebody won that log. Somebody got the fire all themselves.
00:00:58.740Uh, mahalo, aloha, uh, konichiwa, bahalo, uh, Madagascar. I'm back. I'm that back of Lantern, baby. Put that candle in me cause I'm lit. Let's get into it. Um, there's a song that I was, uh, I just found out from a band called North Mississippi All Stars and they, uh, they've tuned into this past weekend and they have,
00:01:28.740uh, uh, uh, a lyric from, uh, from, from the podcast. It's kind of that they put into their music. And so I want to play one of their songs right now. It's called Drunk Outdoors off their new album Up and Rolling. And this is the North Mississippi All Stars.
00:01:42.740Let me holler at you, come on, step outside. You got $10, don't you, child, and we gon' ride. Let me holler at you, step outside.
00:01:59.060Bumping the drunk out the drunk. Let's go get drunk outdoors. Ready to better dance floor. Let's go get drunk outdoors.
00:03:44.880Look, if you don't know, if you're, you know, maybe 40% sure or something if you're going to heaven.
00:03:51.800Because I think most people, if they're really honest with themselves, they come in at probably about 40%, you know.
00:03:57.020So if you're about 40% sure that you're going to heaven, then you could go to Maui.
00:04:05.580And Maui's like, I mean, it's, dude, there are times I close my eyes and I said, Dang, man, if people, this place is going to give heaven a run for its money.
00:05:28.340And I noticed after a bit that the ocean will start doing your hair for you.
00:05:37.240Yeah, dude, I had at one point, I had like a little thing of algae right above one of my ears.
00:05:45.540You know, you got a little conch over there on the left.
00:05:48.080It's just like, you know, I look like kind of like you got like a little seahorse kind of just hanging off that backsplash.
00:05:57.000I mean, it's I look like, you know, like, you know, like a conch quisha, you know, just out there with just just the what the ocean and everything will do your hair for you.
00:06:07.400But I had a wonderful time and I had so if you haven't been to Maui, I totally recommend it.
00:06:13.780And they say there's different islands and I want to go back there and do a show soon.
00:06:19.780And I want to go to some of the different islands over there.
00:06:23.840And people just people, a lot of people, I did think this, I felt like there could be, even though it's very wonderful.
00:06:32.180It definitely seems like a place where some people that might have done a crime would go to hide.
00:06:38.400It's got that kind of crimey, hidey sort of, you know, but but oh, it was so good, man.
00:06:46.560I just took a week and relaxed and then I I got back into town and just decided to take last Sunday off of of the pod.
00:06:56.760And yeah, I just wanted to have a little bit of, you know, just have a little respite.
00:07:03.180They call it get a relax in and just get that feeling in my body.
00:07:08.660You know, sometimes your body feels like it has like kind of a little bit of more comfort in it.
00:07:12.840So I was trying to get, you know, a touch more of that comfort for myself.
00:08:30.900But this dude, Dizzy, when she gets out there, she ain't really doing it as much as everybody else.
00:08:37.600So she's, you know, kind of living, she's kind of like that, she's kind of like a Native American when it comes to really force fields and stuff.
00:08:46.240You know, she's kind of doing her own thing.
00:08:47.640She's kind of working freelance when it comes to natural pull, the natural pull of the world.
00:09:52.060It was definitely one of the best meals I ever had and I was by myself, too.
00:09:58.080And, yeah, when I'm by myself at a restaurant, I start to, you almost start to freak out a little.
00:10:03.260Because you start wondering if people think you're like in witness protection or if you're, you know, people kind of look at you like maybe your spouse just passed away or something.
00:10:13.800They give you that, you know, they maybe give you a little extra bread or something, half an extra little, you know, baked, you know, little croissant piece or something.
00:10:27.880Because they think maybe your wife's gone.
00:10:29.660She, you know, they think, or, you know, you, they think maybe you don't know what you're doing with your life.
00:10:36.260If it is interesting, if you go to a restaurant by yourself, people kind of look at you like, oh, maybe he, you know, you know, maybe he's still trying to do skateboarding or something.
00:20:39.040And it was nice to get a little bit of a break because, just to kind of get a little look at what was going on.
00:20:46.040You know, just to kind of get a little look at what has been going on in my own career and, and in my own personal life and everything.
00:20:55.000Um, you know, and I was thinking about, like, dude, ever since I was young, I like to have, like, secrets, kind of.
00:21:03.640I like to keep things, some things to myself.
00:21:05.740You know, I like to just keep, or always had, like, a, maybe not even a secret, but like a little treasure or something.
00:21:15.560You know, when I was a kid, I used to collect, um, you know, uh, different snacks and stuff like that.
00:21:22.060Like, my mom wouldn't let us have a lot of, um, sugars and different stuff.
00:21:28.500And so, they, uh, so I would collect a lot of different sugar treats, you know, different snacks, different, you know, um, Snicker, uh, Kit Kat, baby Snicker, everything.
00:21:41.040Different thing, different thing, Butterfinger, different thing, you know, just a little sack of sugar.
00:21:46.960Somebody spilled some sugar somewhere, I'll get that.
00:21:50.020You know, a chocolate, a white chocolate.
00:21:52.800Something like that, a cookie, a rare, uh, macaroon.
00:21:56.360Or something, you know, uh, you know, an Italian cookie.
00:21:59.600And I would put them, or raisins, even, sometimes I would soak raisins in chocolate milk.
00:22:05.400And just so they would have that kind of flavor in them and that sweet, sweetness.
00:22:10.020And I used to bury them outside, right?
00:22:11.860I'd put all, I'd put them all into, like, a little sack.
00:22:14.340And because my mom wouldn't let me keep them in the house, if she, if, if my mother found them, she, there was gone.
00:22:38.600It's when it's, you know, it's when you can't see that much, but you kind of know everything is around, kind of.
00:22:46.280But aren't as sure as you were a few hours earlier.
00:22:50.360And the, and so I'd have to wait until a car went by on our street, because I had to wait until that car went by, and the headlights, I could see the snacks, and I could see the area to dig.
00:23:03.960And I would dig real quick and, you know, have me a sugar snack, or have me a nighttime, you know, a soup, you know, a, you know, a sweet treat.
00:23:13.700And I never told anybody, I never told anybody until this, until right now, actually, except for this one boy named Wayne.
00:24:48.580Once your folks went to sleep or went in their room, you'd get in there and put that car in a neutral and then push that, you know, push that bastard down to, uh, to your girl's house.
00:24:58.240Or, you know, if you was secretly in love with a young man or something, you could push it to his house.
00:25:02.740But most often, you'd see somebody pushing it over to a female's house.
00:25:07.420And you'd pull up in the yard and then you'd try to get in real quiet because you didn't want her knowing you didn't drive there.
00:25:14.020You wanted to trick her so you would park and then go get her.
00:25:21.700Meanwhile, you'd, you know, you're just covered in sweat.
00:25:24.520You know, I mean, you just pushed it, you know, in 1991 Oldsmobile or a Ford Taurus, you just pushed that thing about eight blocks.
00:25:35.420And, yeah, you usually had a little bit of an erection, too, if you was going to see, um, you know, a girl you were interested in or even a young man, if you were interested in something like that, but you didn't see a lot of that.
00:25:47.280But, and that should be a contest or an Olympic sport.
00:25:50.380I think I've said that before, that, you know, doing sports with an erection because your brain is going to have less blood to function in your body and muscles are going to have less blood if some of your, you know, some of your wieners kind of Bogart and a little bit of that B positive, you feel me?
00:26:10.160Or O negative or whatever you got, whatever, uh, electrons you got in your flow.
00:28:51.980That's how Dylan Mischkiewicz hired his new director of coffee for his organic coffee company because he was having trouble finding qualified applicants.
00:29:04.060With results like that, it's no wonder four out of five employers who post on ZipRecruiter get a quality candidate within the first day.
00:30:53.720So I was just thinking that Jocko is kind of, you know, he's like an older brother figure.
00:30:59.500But for me, a lot of people can be real father figures for me.
00:31:03.860You know, I noticed that I'm, I have such a desperation for that energy and that connection in my life that, you know, I will latch on to people or put them in a place where, without even realizing it, that I have a, that I give, that I take, you know, kind of father figure like type of stuff off of them.
00:31:31.940And, and he, oh, this is what I was thinking of.
00:31:40.260So I saw my dad in a dream when I was in Hawaii or in Maui, sorry, when I was in Maui.
00:31:53.020And it was, it was really crazy because I hadn't seen him in 20 years, even in a, in a vision, you know, when I had an adult vision.
00:32:02.280And, and, and I saw him, you know, and I saw him and it was crazy.
00:32:08.240We were at a, it was kind of confusing.
00:32:12.460It was a dream, you know, and Robert De Niro was there and Matthew McConaughey was there.
00:32:18.820And we were in Maui and I, my dad was in one room eating at a table and Matthew McConaughey and Robert De Niro were in another room.
00:32:34.660And my dad wanted to come and meet Matthew McConaughey, but he didn't want to meet Robert De Niro.
00:32:40.000And so I was trying to like mediate between the two of them.
00:32:46.640And finally, uh, my dad and Matthew McConaughey got to meet each other, which doesn't mean anything, but it was just interesting to see my father.
00:32:54.540I hadn't seen him, you know, I'd seen him in pictures and I'd seen him in just, you know, imagining what, or imagination, what his, what he looked like or something, but I hadn't seen him really.
00:33:07.120And it made me think that my dad lives in Hawaii or something, you know, like I was like, oh, is this where he's been?
00:33:16.080And it made me think, well, of course this is where he's been.
00:33:30.480And I stayed out at this place called Lumeria and they don't have, I don't even, there were some moments I don't know if they even had, it's very peaceful.
00:33:37.120And, um, beautiful little staff that works there.
00:33:41.200And there were some moments I didn't know if people were there working or staying or anything.
00:33:45.060There was a day where I didn't see anyone, anybody.
00:33:48.960Um, and it's, you know, it's comfortable.
00:33:52.360I mean, they don't have, uh, what don't they have?
00:33:55.000They don't have, it's, they don't have, they didn't have air conditioning in the rooms, but I knew that going into it.
00:34:02.640And I wanted kind of more of a, I guess, bohemian experience.
00:34:09.480Um, but to have fans and you can get like a portable one brought in, which I finally did on the fourth day.
00:34:14.900But, uh, but yeah, I got to see my dad, man.
00:35:17.520Um, and man, right when I got up, I've just been on this kick where I've just been trying to stay more motivated.
00:35:24.880And like when I get, when it's time to get up, it's time to get up.
00:35:27.940Um, and I need to do things and, you know, I just want my life to be, I want to have more experiences in my life.
00:35:34.500You know, recently I've just been realizing like I do a lot of stuff, but it's a lot of the same things.
00:35:39.400And I'm not really having a lot of like new experiences.
00:35:42.600And so I want to have a little bit more of that.
00:35:44.780But, uh, but man, I wish I'd have just laid back down and tried to go right back and see him.
00:35:50.020You know, wherever he was and, um, but it's just so funny.
00:35:56.180I mean, I've slept in, you know, in the past 20 years, I've probably fallen asleep in, you know, 42 states and, you know, 15 or 20 or 30, you know, I don't know, countries.
00:36:09.300And not once did I see my father and then, bam, I'm in Maui and there he is.
00:36:16.940Maybe he's over there, maybe, you know, with Dog the Bounty Hunter, dude.
00:36:20.780But, uh, it was quite an experience and aloha and, uh, mahalo.
00:36:43.620She had a little too much nap in her pineapple dog.
00:36:46.520And she was vomiting over there behind a, um, uh, little, uh, Isuzu truck, rare truck.
00:36:53.580You don't see those as much as you used to anymore.
00:36:56.140And I'll tell you this, over there on Interstate 12 or I-10, I saw a Doberman, full-grown Doberman commit suicide, jump right out of the back of a, um, uh, Chevrolet truck, I believe it was, or something, or maybe Daihatsu.
00:52:28.280And I'm going to go see the movie tomorrow.
00:52:30.100And I'm going to get some damn milk duds or whatever, dude, or some jujubies and chill.
00:52:33.960And I think a lot of these in-cellular fellows are, a lot of them probably are men that feel, you know, they don't, they feel so probably anger towards women.
00:52:50.020You know, there's been, there was a movement, and I don't know if it's still as heavy as it was, but where a lot of women were just being mean towards men.
00:52:56.460You know, just being mean, you know, and they were kind of using the guise of feminism, but really just being just mean.
00:53:04.760And a lot of times it's like lonely women and are writing these articles about how bad men are, and they're just lonely.
00:53:11.080Why not just write an article that just says, hey, I'm, you know what, man, sometimes I'm lonely.
00:53:16.380Dude, everybody could really relate to that article.
00:53:18.640But just being a real B-I-T-C-H with a pen, because you are lonesome sometimes, that's not super helpful, miss.
00:53:30.080You know, and so I think a lot of these men that are attacking women, sometimes they feel, they feel attacked probably.
00:53:38.480And I'm not saying it's right, you know, you're not supposed to hit a woman.
00:53:40.700But also, a lot of women these days, they're not, these aren't the same women from 50 years ago, when a woman, you know, was doing, they didn't have gymnasiums, and they didn't have, you know, women weren't doing a lot of, you know, strength training, and, you know, throwing axes and all of this, or throwing, you know, big lead, you know, pushing sled lead.
00:54:06.480And now you have, it's, dude, they got, dude, a buddy of mine, his wife hit him with a car.
00:54:15.300So he can't hit her one, he can't punch her in the shoulder one time.
00:54:29.880But, so what you can't, he can't, you know, he can't rattle one off one time, or put her in a, you know, a rear naked choke for 30 seconds.
00:54:49.100So, um, but this makes me think about pornography, man.
00:54:55.000I've been struggling with the dark arts, brother, I'll be honest with you.
00:54:57.660Uh, you know, about three months ago, I have this blocker on my phone that keeps pornography off, and it, it somehow, it updated or didn't update, and next thing you know, man, the whole just, I mean, Satan's, just, it's just like Satan's belly button opened up.
00:55:20.800It was like he was a piñata, and his belly button just opened up and just started spilling dirty candies all over me.
00:55:25.720So, I've been struggling with a little bit of that, um, and I turned on some blockers they have on the iPhone that are, like, N8 blockers built into the system.
00:55:36.360You know, natural blockers that Apple has, but I want to get that full throttle and get back to the thing that I had going on before.
00:55:43.700So, um, but just to chime in, I'm not an in-cell, I don't think, but, you know, I'm kind of an in-and-out cell.
00:55:52.640Like, I'm in, and then I'm out, I'm out, and then I'm in.
00:55:54.920Sometimes I feel, you know, like I'm okay.
00:59:26.460My best friend has been listening to this band for probably 12 years or something.
00:59:31.200And just to find out that they, you know, that they threw one of our lyrics into their songs or just that they were even thinking about us.
01:03:21.320Ladies and gentlemen, I'm Jonathan Kite, and welcome to Kite Club, a podcast where I'll be sharing thoughts on things like current events, stand-up stories, and seven ways to pleasure your partner.