This Past Weekend with Theo Von - Cleveland ｜ This Past Weekend #235

00:00:00.000 Oh, good to be back. You hear that sound out there? Somebody revving their car and two people fighting over a thing of, um, it looks like a thing of, uh, like one of those, uh, flame logs, a fire flame, you know, one of those Duralogs. 0.99

00:00:21.420 Yup. It looks like two hardy, hardy, hardy lesbians out there fighting over a damn Duralog in the street and somebody revving their car at the same time. I'm in Cleveland, man. Uh, I'm at the hotel. I'm back from Maui. 0.96

00:00:37.740 If you hear that, that's just that calm that's inside of me. Hey, I'm back from that Maui. Wow. We, you hear? Oh, hell yeah, boy. Somebody just, somebody, you heard it? Somebody won that log. Somebody got the fire all themselves.

00:00:58.740 Uh, mahalo, aloha, uh, konichiwa, bahalo, uh, Madagascar. I'm back. I'm that back of Lantern, baby. Put that candle in me cause I'm lit. Let's get into it. Um, there's a song that I was, uh, I just found out from a band called North Mississippi All Stars and they, uh, they've tuned into this past weekend and they have,

00:01:28.740 uh, uh, uh, a lyric from, uh, from, from the podcast. It's kind of that they put into their music. And so I want to play one of their songs right now. It's called Drunk Outdoors off their new album Up and Rolling. And this is the North Mississippi All Stars.

00:01:42.740 Let me holler at you, come on, step outside. You got $10, don't you, child, and we gon' ride. Let me holler at you, step outside.

00:01:59.060 Bumping the drunk out the drunk. Let's go get drunk outdoors. Ready to better dance floor. Let's go get drunk outdoors.

00:02:09.740 Let's go get drunk outdoors.

00:02:39.720 If you got money, you can get a little bit.

00:02:43.180 If you got money, get that hitter. 0.54

00:02:46.280 If you got money, you can get a little bit.

00:02:49.420 If you got money, get that hitter. 0.54

00:02:56.980 Get that hitter. 1.00

00:02:59.600 You guys got to check the tune out, and they really get into it, man.

00:03:02.700 And that band right there, that is North Mississippi All-Stars.

00:03:07.880 And that's a new album they got out there.

00:03:09.420 It's in the universe, in the atmosphere, and you can go and check it out.

00:03:15.440 And that is a song.

00:03:19.460 And I hit the man up, Cody Dickinson, on his Instagrams, and I said,

00:03:25.900 Hey, is this true that you guys heard this on the podcast?

00:03:29.600 And he said, Yeah, man, we love it.

00:03:32.280 And so it just really, I mean, it just made my balls growl a little, you know that.

00:03:37.960 Yeah, I'm back. 0.59

00:03:41.720 I'm back from Maui.

00:03:42.760 Oh, I had a good time.

00:03:44.880 Look, if you don't know, if you're, you know, maybe 40% sure or something if you're going to heaven.

00:03:51.800 Because I think most people, if they're really honest with themselves, they come in at probably about 40%, you know.

00:03:57.020 So if you're about 40% sure that you're going to heaven, then you could go to Maui.

00:04:05.580 And Maui's like, I mean, it's, dude, there are times I close my eyes and I said, Dang, man, if people, this place is going to give heaven a run for its money.

00:04:16.040 It just, I mean, it's romantic.

00:04:19.760 You could be by yourself and it feels romantic.

00:04:22.680 Dude, I felt like every time the breeze came by, it was trying to just, you know, just trying to get me back to its room.

00:04:30.980 It was just that kind of, just that kind of spirit.

00:04:35.600 There was just something, you know, and the water will come.

00:04:38.000 You know, you'll be laying there taking a nap and you think you slept, you're laying far enough from the water. 0.99

00:04:44.400 And about, you know, maybe 18 or 30, you know, 30 or 60, 50, kind of 40 minutes later, that water will start licking at your fucking feet. 0.99

00:04:54.480 You say, Dang, what's up, bucko? 0.98

00:04:58.660 So it's, you know, everything there is trying to, you get home, you have some of the beach will be in your pants, some sand.

00:05:04.560 You're like, what is it?

00:05:05.320 Who is it?

00:05:05.900 What is it?

00:05:06.560 And you're like, I hope this is, you know, some female sand. 1.00

00:05:10.060 I don't want no, you know, male sand trying to get in my pants. 1.00

00:05:12.680 But you take your pants off and a bunch of sand will jump out of your pants. 1.00

00:05:16.500 You say, Well, damn. 0.99

00:05:19.200 So just Mother Nature, that's where she really goes to just get on. 1.00

00:05:23.620 I mean, Maui just wants to love you.

00:05:26.560 And it really just wants to love you.

00:05:28.340 And I noticed after a bit that the ocean will start doing your hair for you.

00:05:37.240 Yeah, dude, I had at one point, I had like a little thing of algae right above one of my ears.

00:05:45.540 You know, you got a little conch over there on the left.

00:05:48.080 It's just like, you know, I look like kind of like you got like a little seahorse kind of just hanging off that backsplash.

00:05:57.000 I mean, it's I look like, you know, like, you know, like a conch quisha, you know, just out there with just just the what the ocean and everything will do your hair for you. 1.00

00:06:07.400 But I had a wonderful time and I had so if you haven't been to Maui, I totally recommend it.

00:06:13.780 And they say there's different islands and I want to go back there and do a show soon.

00:06:19.780 And I want to go to some of the different islands over there.

00:06:23.840 And people just people, a lot of people, I did think this, I felt like there could be, even though it's very wonderful.

00:06:32.180 It definitely seems like a place where some people that might have done a crime would go to hide.

00:06:38.400 It's got that kind of crimey, hidey sort of, you know, but but oh, it was so good, man.

00:06:46.560 I just took a week and relaxed and then I I got back into town and just decided to take last Sunday off of of the pod.

00:06:56.760 And yeah, I just wanted to have a little bit of, you know, just have a little respite.

00:07:03.180 They call it get a relax in and just get that feeling in my body.

00:07:08.660 You know, sometimes your body feels like it has like kind of a little bit of more comfort in it.

00:07:12.840 So I was trying to get, you know, a touch more of that comfort for myself.

00:07:17.400 What else?

00:07:20.060 And now I'm in Cleveland.

00:07:21.260 I'm in Cleveland and they got a couple of they got some hardy they got some hardy humans out here.

00:07:28.160 Cleveland, Pittsburgh over there.

00:07:30.400 Thank you.

00:07:31.060 You had a show last night in Pittsburgh and who came out?

00:07:36.340 Some people I know, Steve, my boy weak Steve came out and you got to know him for years, dude.

00:07:42.520 And Steve, bro, he'll be shaking your hand.

00:07:46.200 You don't even know it.

00:07:47.520 That's how weak he is.

00:07:48.500 Bro, it's baffling.

00:07:50.060 This girl Dizzy came. 0.88

00:07:51.360 She's always people think she's dizzy, but she isn't. 0.95

00:07:54.400 So she's got that.

00:07:56.380 People are always like, are you dizzy?

00:07:57.600 She said, no, no, no, no, no.

00:08:00.620 You know, when she's always, you know, kind of dusted out.

00:08:03.100 She's like one of those little dust muppets, you know, and she's always, you know, she never really been.

00:08:09.500 She don't have a comfortable relationship with gravity. 0.99

00:08:11.680 That's kind of how I feel it.

00:08:14.100 Because most of us, you know, we're gravity addicts.

00:08:18.640 If you find, you know, most of us, you think, you know, you say, hey, what are you doing?

00:08:22.940 I mean, you're doing, I mean, we don't talk about it, but everybody's doing gravity.

00:08:27.780 Everybody.

00:08:30.900 But this dude, Dizzy, when she gets out there, she ain't really doing it as much as everybody else.

00:08:37.600 So she's, you know, kind of living, she's kind of like that, she's kind of like a Native American when it comes to really force fields and stuff. 0.90

00:08:46.240 You know, she's kind of doing her own thing.

00:08:47.640 She's kind of working freelance when it comes to natural pull, the natural pull of the world.

00:08:55.740 What else?

00:08:58.480 What else is, I feel like so, I want to tell you more about Maui.

00:09:01.600 I'll probably wait till I get back into the studio, I guess.

00:09:03.560 What did I do?

00:09:03.980 I went there.

00:09:05.240 Oh, let me tell you this.

00:09:06.640 You go to Mama's Fish House.

00:09:09.060 And they got, it's in Maui.

00:09:11.080 And it's nice.

00:09:11.920 You get there, you're like, oh, it's too nice.

00:09:13.540 It's, you know, it's real, it's kind of, it looks fancy.

00:09:17.100 Dude, right when I got there, I thought to myself, I want to steal something and I want to go.

00:09:22.320 That's how nice it was.

00:09:23.500 That's my initial reaction.

00:09:26.320 But instead, sit down, relax.

00:09:32.140 Even if you're by yourself.

00:09:34.200 Get your little non-alcoholic beer, you feel me?

00:09:36.860 Get one of the crab cakes.

00:09:39.080 I got the crab cake.

00:09:41.920 That's it.

00:09:42.520 Get one crab cake, unbutton your pants.

00:09:45.280 Welcome to Palestine, son. 1.00

00:09:47.540 Shit is fundamentally good. 1.00

00:09:52.060 It was definitely one of the best meals I ever had and I was by myself, too. 0.99

00:09:58.080 And, yeah, when I'm by myself at a restaurant, I start to, you almost start to freak out a little.

00:10:03.260 Because you start wondering if people think you're like in witness protection or if you're, you know, people kind of look at you like maybe your spouse just passed away or something.

00:10:13.800 They give you that, you know, they maybe give you a little extra bread or something, half an extra little, you know, baked, you know, little croissant piece or something.

00:10:27.880 Because they think maybe your wife's gone.

00:10:29.660 She, you know, they think, or, you know, you, they think maybe you don't know what you're doing with your life.

00:10:36.260 If it is interesting, if you go to a restaurant by yourself, people kind of look at you like, oh, maybe he, you know, you know, maybe he's still trying to do skateboarding or something.

00:10:47.180 But, but he's too old for it.

00:10:50.500 Oh, one of the things that got me at the restaurant was the guy trying to upsell me on our soup.

00:10:59.300 Look, don't, don't, I don't need it.

00:11:01.780 Don't, the guy, you know, he's like, oh, they got Omegas in the soup. 1.00

00:11:05.140 Dude, I don't give a damn if Voltron lives in that bitch, dude. 1.00

00:11:10.020 I don't care. 1.00

00:11:11.460 If I want the soup, I'm getting the soup, you know.

00:11:14.860 He said it's got a rare carrot base.

00:11:19.480 What the hell is that, buddy?

00:11:22.220 That's nothing. 0.94

00:11:23.860 Dude, I don't care, bro, I don't care if you open my mouth and just drag me through Mr. McGregor's garden.

00:11:29.200 If I want vegetables, I want vegetables.

00:11:31.940 Just don't upsell me on it.

00:11:35.260 You know, he's telling me, he's telling me, oh, we sprinkle the top of it with secrets. 1.00

00:11:39.680 Bitch, don't care. 1.00

00:11:42.640 If I want the soup, I'll get the soup. 1.00

00:11:45.860 You know, I don't like being upsold with trickery words.

00:11:50.300 You know, oh, this, you know, the, the, uh, the Harry Covert was blessed by, um, a cleft palate wizard.

00:11:58.560 I don't give a dang, bud.

00:12:01.180 Do not upsell me with the BS.

00:12:04.560 Just give me the facts.

00:12:05.840 What is it?

00:12:06.280 Is it soup?

00:12:06.820 And if I want it, I'll get it.

00:12:10.160 Yeah, and that was it.

00:12:10.700 I went to Pittsburgh last night.

00:12:12.260 Went to Bethlehem out there.

00:12:14.920 Uh, this dude came out.

00:12:16.280 One of my boys from back in the day came out.

00:12:18.500 He's three months clean off Duster.

00:12:20.700 Y'all know Duster?

00:12:22.440 You know, the keyboard, you know, kind of helps you keep your keyboard nice.

00:12:27.740 So he's got three months clean off that Duster.

00:12:30.340 So that was, you know, it was kind of nice to, you know, just embrace him.

00:12:35.580 And, uh, we would always do that sound that in his ear all the time, you know, just, just

00:12:42.160 just to fricking, you know, get him squirreling a little, just to let the, let his branches

00:12:47.400 shake a little, but we had a good time in Bethlehem.

00:12:50.280 I hadn't been on stage in a couple of weeks and it's kind of like, uh, it kind of gets

00:12:58.380 a little nerve, not, I guess, is it nerve wracking?

00:13:01.780 Yeah.

00:13:03.860 It gets, cause you've built up this immunity kind of, you know, the more that I, that I'll

00:13:10.240 be on stage, the more immunity I will feel a little bit, or at least just the more confidence

00:13:14.160 builds up until you're just, you know, it's like you've been training almost.

00:13:19.880 And then you take a couple of weeks off the train and train and, uh, yeah, it was, uh,

00:13:26.520 and it's nice, man.

00:13:27.480 And it was really, really relaxing.

00:13:29.200 And Bethlehem was great.

00:13:30.960 Uh, the show in Bethlehem was really, you know, it just, uh, I guess I'm just amazed how

00:13:38.700 many people come out, you know, and especially since I, you know, changed the dates and then

00:13:43.780 changed them back.

00:13:45.140 I just want to thank you guys for coming out and support and, uh, supporting me in just

00:13:50.640 so many nice people.

00:13:52.120 I mean, everybody was just really enjoying themselves.

00:13:56.320 Uh, I met a lot of people before the show.

00:13:59.740 Um, we did meet and greet after the show and then, and everybody that wanted to come.

00:14:04.960 So we had a good group, uh, and I think a lot of people left, but a lot of people stayed

00:14:11.400 and, um, yeah, it was just, you know, it was nice.

00:14:18.160 It was nice.

00:14:18.620 Cause sometimes it's like, you know, with this job, you feel like, okay, well, and I guess

00:14:24.620 since it's kind of new for me, it's like, okay, well, you know, if I go to the club or

00:14:29.200 are people going to be, you know, if I take a break or take, you know, you know, like

00:14:35.480 a, take a little break or take some time off, are people still going to be there?

00:14:39.960 And, uh, it was nice to see that people were, um, in Pittsburgh, they had, some dude was

00:14:45.640 blasted in Pittsburgh.

00:14:48.180 I don't even think he was on drinking.

00:14:49.760 I think this guy was on something thicker.

00:14:52.860 Like maybe, you know, maybe a friend of his had been doing a lot of smack or something

00:14:59.120 or, you know, doing, I don't even know something. 0.98

00:15:02.760 And then he was drinking that guy's blood, you know, like maybe his buddy was damn drinking 0.99

00:15:07.740 damn quick creed or something or drywall. 0.97

00:15:10.780 And he, uh, and then he was drinking that guy's blood who was doing, I mean, this guy was 0.99

00:15:16.600 bent out.

00:15:17.240 Um, so I hope he's doing a little bit better.

00:15:22.240 Uh, it was a rock club, the place we were at, the place is called the Roxy and theater.

00:15:28.400 And it was cool, man.

00:15:29.820 They said they never had, this was the first comedy show that they'd ever had there.

00:15:33.500 So that was a new experience for them.

00:15:36.120 And, um, and it's in this place called McKee's rocks.

00:15:39.960 And they said it's an area for, um, human trafficking, but I didn't, I didn't see anything

00:15:48.220 like that.

00:15:48.860 I didn't, I mean, only thing on the menu was even, I think beer and wine.

00:15:52.980 So I didn't have any, you know, there was nothing to me that really, I didn't see it.

00:15:57.740 I was just doing comedy, but everybody in the crowd looked of age and, you know, not being

00:16:02.440 kind of purchased or anything.

00:16:03.660 So, uh, so that was that.

00:16:07.420 And then came to Cleveland early, went to the Steelers game, man, that was, it blew me away

00:16:14.080 how amazing the experience was.

00:16:16.100 I mean, it's just people, I mean, they got some real, they got men and women with the 0.73

00:16:23.320 same damn haircut, you know, you know what I'm saying?

00:16:28.540 They got men and women with the same haircut and every other person, they, they kind of 0.99

00:16:36.800 had that wild old school kind of, uh, Pittsburgh Yenzer that I think, yeah, we don't even, and

00:16:48.540 you'll see, but people like to eat before the tailgate.

00:16:53.120 You'll see, dude, I went behind a trail that had one dude was, uh, injecting a, uh, a slice

00:16:58.620 of, uh, Supreme pizza into his arm.

00:17:00.540 I said, dang, bro, my bad, man.

00:17:04.120 He was, that guy was getting bent out.

00:17:08.100 And it's, uh, yeah, everybody was friendly.

00:17:10.300 I mean, the, the atmosphere was amazing.

00:17:11.800 You go into the game, everybody has this towel and, um, it's kind of like one of those

00:17:16.360 little towels if a baby spits up that you're going to have like a towel for it, you know?

00:17:21.000 And at first I didn't know, I thought I'm like, dang, everybody here has a baby, I guess.

00:17:27.500 And they, you know, or what's going on, but it turns out that, um, it's called the terrible

00:17:34.100 towel and it's just, I guess if something real terrible happens and you have like a, you

00:17:38.740 have a towel, which actually really is helpful, you know, because you got to take care of yourself.

00:17:42.700 I mean, a lot of things could happen over there in, in, uh, in Pittsburgh.

00:17:46.200 Everybody knows I got pink eye over there, um, you know, back in the day.

00:17:52.040 And I got, uh, I got pretty strong case of pink eye.

00:17:55.720 I was in the Monongahela actually.

00:17:57.000 And I got a little bit of, you know, somebody got, got a little bit of dying time in my up

00:18:02.100 time, you know, somebody, you know, they had, you know, I don't know what was in the river

00:18:06.700 feet, you know, I guess fecese or whatever.

00:18:08.960 But anyway, it was, um, but then also in the same city on my next visit, I got, uh, got 0.95

00:18:16.240 a blow job behind a giant Eagle grocer. 0.91

00:18:20.940 So, you know, uh, six of one half dozen of the other, you know, just when you think life 0.99

00:18:28.000 ain't going to turn around, you know, it does a damn U-turn. 0.95

00:18:31.480 So that's how life is, bro. 0.98

00:18:34.140 Uh, you know, that's how life is, I guess.

00:18:37.240 I don't know.

00:18:37.620 I don't have any idea what I'm talking about.

00:18:39.960 Um, and then we came, yeah, now we're here in Cleveland.

00:18:44.520 So we're here to Cleveland.

00:18:46.680 Ari Maness is with me.

00:18:48.700 Oh, I saw Brendan.

00:18:49.880 I stopped over and saw Brendan Schaub the other night.

00:18:51.880 He was at the, uh, Pittsburgh Improv.

00:18:55.340 Uh, snuck over there and welcomed him onto stage.

00:18:57.940 That was pretty fun.

00:18:59.480 Good to see him always.

00:19:02.300 Um, and this week I'm coming to some different places.

00:19:05.760 I'll tell you a few show dates at the moment.

00:19:07.620 Uh, to, you know, uh, be in Cleveland this Tuesday.

00:19:12.000 There's still a few tickets left.

00:19:13.800 And then, uh, the rest of this week I'll be in Indianapolis, Detroit, Grand Rapids, um, Milwaukee, and Madison.

00:19:25.300 Yep.

00:19:25.700 So that's it.

00:19:28.280 And maybe one other place, actually.

00:19:30.220 Let me look right now.

00:19:31.660 Also, December 10th, I'll be at the Wiltern in Los Angeles.

00:19:34.860 You can go see that.

00:19:35.740 That's downtown in Los Angeles.

00:19:37.260 Oh, one thing that was cool in Bethlehem, all different, the backstage, they had posters of all the groups that had played on the stage.

00:19:47.080 And they had, I mean, Guns N' Roses, man.

00:19:52.580 They had, uh, you know, who else?

00:19:57.440 Um, you know, Twisted Sister, man.

00:20:01.040 Acid Bath, you know.

00:20:02.940 Reba McIntyres.

00:20:04.820 Um, you know, Georgia-Florida Line.

00:20:09.000 They had everybody.

00:20:10.540 There wasn't one, Florida-Georgia Line.

00:20:12.500 There wasn't one, everybody had come through there.

00:20:16.060 Dale, uh, Neil Haggard.

00:20:17.960 What's that guy?

00:20:18.340 Merle Haggard.

00:20:20.320 And he's dead, man.

00:20:22.300 So you gotta think, just the, the, just, it was just amazing to be there.

00:20:26.180 I'm like, jeepers.

00:20:27.840 You know, to get to have that experience.

00:20:29.640 And so just thank you for everybody that came out.

00:20:31.800 I know I'm kind of all over the place, but I'm just settling back in.

00:20:37.460 You know, I'm just settling back in.

00:20:39.040 And it was nice to get a little bit of a break because, just to kind of get a little look at what was going on.

00:20:46.040 You know, just to kind of get a little look at what has been going on in my own career and, and in my own personal life and everything.

00:20:55.000 Um, you know, and I was thinking about, like, dude, ever since I was young, I like to have, like, secrets, kind of.

00:21:03.640 I like to keep things, some things to myself.

00:21:05.740 You know, I like to just keep, or always had, like, a, maybe not even a secret, but like a little treasure or something.

00:21:15.560 You know, when I was a kid, I used to collect, um, you know, uh, different snacks and stuff like that.

00:21:22.060 Like, my mom wouldn't let us have a lot of, um, sugars and different stuff.

00:21:28.500 And so, they, uh, so I would collect a lot of different sugar treats, you know, different snacks, different, you know, um, Snicker, uh, Kit Kat, baby Snicker, everything.

00:21:41.040 Different thing, different thing, Butterfinger, different thing, you know, just a little sack of sugar.

00:21:46.960 Somebody spilled some sugar somewhere, I'll get that.

00:21:50.020 You know, a chocolate, a white chocolate.

00:21:52.800 Something like that, a cookie, a rare, uh, macaroon.

00:21:56.360 Or something, you know, uh, you know, an Italian cookie.

00:21:59.600 And I would put them, or raisins, even, sometimes I would soak raisins in chocolate milk.

00:22:05.400 And just so they would have that kind of flavor in them and that sweet, sweetness.

00:22:10.020 And I used to bury them outside, right?

00:22:11.860 I'd put all, I'd put them all into, like, a little sack.

00:22:14.340 And because my mom wouldn't let me keep them in the house, if she, if, if my mother found them, she, there was gone.

00:22:21.020 The snacks were gone.

00:22:23.240 And so, I used to keep them outside, off to the side of the house.

00:22:26.420 And I had me in a little, you know, digging area, and I would just dig real lightly, get that sack out, and sugar up.

00:22:33.020 But sometimes I would go out there at nighttime.

00:22:37.240 And you know what nighttime is?

00:22:38.600 It's when it's, you know, it's when you can't see that much, but you kind of know everything is around, kind of.

00:22:46.280 But aren't as sure as you were a few hours earlier.

00:22:50.360 And the, and so I'd have to wait until a car went by on our street, because I had to wait until that car went by, and the headlights, I could see the snacks, and I could see the area to dig.

00:23:03.960 And I would dig real quick and, you know, have me a sugar snack, or have me a nighttime, you know, a soup, you know, a, you know, a sweet treat.

00:23:13.700 And I never told anybody, I never told anybody until this, until right now, actually, except for this one boy named Wayne.

00:23:22.440 And he was big, man.

00:23:23.580 He was a big boy.

00:23:24.820 And some people called him Fat Wayne.

00:23:27.100 And I probably did once or twice, but I don't think I did it.

00:23:33.400 I would never say it to him.

00:23:35.060 I would just sometimes say it, oh, do you know?

00:23:38.300 And then I would say it, you know.

00:23:40.480 But, um, but anyway, he would come over.

00:23:44.000 He saw me out there getting him one night.

00:23:46.380 And so he would come over sometime.

00:23:48.060 He would steal his dad's car.

00:23:49.820 He would get it over and, uh, put the headlights on and turn them right on the grass on the area.

00:23:55.780 And that way, the lights were right there.

00:23:58.040 You had full lighting.

00:23:59.940 Because otherwise, you had to wait until a car went past.

00:24:02.080 And some cars don't have that bright of lights on them.

00:24:06.260 So you sometimes would wait until, you were lucky if you had an SUV or something.

00:24:10.760 Uh, or somebody driving by with, like, a real, real bright lantern or something.

00:24:15.800 And then you could see the, you know, see the, uh, snacks real well and quickly.

00:24:21.200 Um, but sometimes Wayne would pull his dad's car over. 0.99

00:24:25.580 And when I say pull, he would put it in a neutral and he'd push that bitch over. 1.00

00:24:29.740 And that was, when I was growing up, that was, like, kind of an early way of kind of driving a little bit. 0.99

00:24:33.720 Is just push, getting that thing in a neutral and just pushing that bitch around the neighborhood. 1.00

00:24:38.820 You know, you tell a girl, you say, hey, look, I'm gonna be, I'm gonna come, I'm gonna come meet you around 8. 0.97

00:24:43.620 Around 8.15, 8.20, 8.19.

00:24:47.140 And then you'd get in the car. 0.96

00:24:48.580 Once your folks went to sleep or went in their room, you'd get in there and put that car in a neutral and then push that, you know, push that bastard down to, uh, to your girl's house. 0.72

00:24:58.240 Or, you know, if you was secretly in love with a young man or something, you could push it to his house.

00:25:02.740 But most often, you'd see somebody pushing it over to a female's house. 1.00

00:25:07.420 And you'd pull up in the yard and then you'd try to get in real quiet because you didn't want her knowing you didn't drive there.

00:25:14.020 You wanted to trick her so you would park and then go get her.

00:25:18.200 Say, hey, what's going on?

00:25:19.380 Yeah, just drove down.

00:25:21.700 Meanwhile, you'd, you know, you're just covered in sweat.

00:25:24.520 You know, I mean, you just pushed it, you know, in 1991 Oldsmobile or a Ford Taurus, you just pushed that thing about eight blocks.

00:25:35.420 And, yeah, you usually had a little bit of an erection, too, if you was going to see, um, you know, a girl you were interested in or even a young man, if you were interested in something like that, but you didn't see a lot of that.

00:25:47.280 But, and that should be a contest or an Olympic sport.

00:25:50.380 I think I've said that before, that, you know, doing sports with an erection because your brain is going to have less blood to function in your body and muscles are going to have less blood if some of your, you know, some of your wieners kind of Bogart and a little bit of that B positive, you feel me?

00:26:10.160 Or O negative or whatever you got, whatever, uh, electrons you got in your flow.

00:26:16.060 You feel me?

00:26:17.360 Praise God, man.

00:26:18.220 What else is going on?

00:26:19.340 And, um, uh, I don't know.

00:26:24.520 I feel like a ton and then I feel like nothing.

00:26:27.220 That's kind of what I feel like. 0.96

00:26:28.900 If you like sex, then you'll love BlueChew.com. 0.90

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00:26:51.360 But at BlueChew.com, you can get the first chewable, um, wiener inhibitor.

00:26:58.320 It has the same active ingredients as Viagra and Sialis.

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00:27:07.540 Dang, can you imagine? 1.00

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00:27:31.080 And here's a great deal for you TPW listeners.

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00:27:51.620 Get that wiener hitter. 0.53

00:27:54.300 Hiring can be a slow process.

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00:28:08.400 Hey, I need help.

00:28:09.160 I need, you know, I need someone to do dishwashing or someone to do filing or someone to, you know, help process this court case.

00:28:19.340 But that's different now.

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00:29:30.340 And now back to your episode.

00:29:31.600 The date for New Jersey and the date for Maryland, Oxen Hill, the MGM Grand, those are both being rescheduled.

00:29:41.440 And you should get a date here through the email shortly.

00:29:46.000 And just thank you, everybody, for just supporting me while I just, you know, kind of cancel the dates and then put them back on.

00:29:56.220 You know, it's just just been a lot going on in my brain.

00:29:59.180 And, you know, sometimes I don't know what I'm doing, you know, when it comes to like a big picture sense.

00:30:04.940 And I'm just trying my best and, you know, sometimes it's okay and sometimes it's, well, it's always okay.

00:30:11.960 But just thank you for supporting me while I figure it off.

00:30:16.020 You know, while I just learn as I go.

00:30:20.240 And that reminds me just to do that with other people as well.

00:30:23.680 So I'm glad that I have that reminder.

00:30:29.140 Let's take a couple of calls that came in.

00:30:31.280 Because, you know, we got this episode right here on the road.

00:30:33.860 We got it set up pretty.

00:30:36.220 Ari Maness came in and really helped me set up.

00:30:38.940 Really helped me set up.

00:30:41.700 Got Jocko Willink coming in to do an episode.

00:30:45.740 So I'm grateful that that man is going to come in.

00:30:50.420 And, oh, I got to tell you this.

00:30:53.720 So I was just thinking that Jocko is kind of, you know, he's like an older brother figure.

00:30:59.500 But for me, a lot of people can be real father figures for me.

00:31:03.860 You know, I noticed that I'm, I have such a desperation for that energy and that connection in my life that, you know, I will latch on to people or put them in a place where, without even realizing it, that I have a, that I give, that I take, you know, kind of father figure like type of stuff off of them.

00:31:27.420 And Jocko is like that.

00:31:29.500 Jocko Willink.

00:31:31.940 And, and he, oh, this is what I was thinking of.

00:31:40.260 So I saw my dad in a dream when I was in Hawaii or in Maui, sorry, when I was in Maui.

00:31:53.020 And it was, it was really crazy because I hadn't seen him in 20 years, even in a, in a vision, you know, when I had an adult vision.

00:32:02.280 And, and, and I saw him, you know, and I saw him and it was crazy.

00:32:08.240 We were at a, it was kind of confusing.

00:32:12.460 It was a dream, you know, and Robert De Niro was there and Matthew McConaughey was there.

00:32:18.820 And we were in Maui and I, my dad was in one room eating at a table and Matthew McConaughey and Robert De Niro were in another room.

00:32:34.660 And my dad wanted to come and meet Matthew McConaughey, but he didn't want to meet Robert De Niro.

00:32:40.000 And so I was trying to like mediate between the two of them.

00:32:46.640 And finally, uh, my dad and Matthew McConaughey got to meet each other, which doesn't mean anything, but it was just interesting to see my father.

00:32:54.540 I hadn't seen him, you know, I'd seen him in pictures and I'd seen him in just, you know, imagining what, or imagination, what his, what he looked like or something, but I hadn't seen him really.

00:33:07.120 And it made me think that my dad lives in Hawaii or something, you know, like I was like, oh, is this where he's been?

00:33:16.080 And it made me think, well, of course this is where he's been.

00:33:19.460 This is where I would be.

00:33:21.440 It is stunning.

00:33:25.420 Paia, that's where I went to P-A-I-A.

00:33:30.480 And I stayed out at this place called Lumeria and they don't have, I don't even, there were some moments I don't know if they even had, it's very peaceful.

00:33:37.120 And, um, beautiful little staff that works there. 0.99

00:33:41.200 And there were some moments I didn't know if people were there working or staying or anything.

00:33:45.060 There was a day where I didn't see anyone, anybody.

00:33:48.960 Um, and it's, you know, it's comfortable.

00:33:52.360 I mean, they don't have, uh, what don't they have?

00:33:55.000 They don't have, it's, they don't have, they didn't have air conditioning in the rooms, but I knew that going into it.

00:34:02.640 And I wanted kind of more of a, I guess, bohemian experience.

00:34:09.480 Um, but to have fans and you can get like a portable one brought in, which I finally did on the fourth day.

00:34:14.900 But, uh, but yeah, I got to see my dad, man.

00:34:19.880 I got to see him.

00:34:20.600 It was, it was, it was, I just didn't know.

00:34:27.240 I didn't know that he's been in Hawaii or been in, you know, that he's been there.

00:34:32.620 And he was healthy.

00:34:33.720 He, he was healthier looking than I'd ever seen him in my whole life when I actually saw him.

00:34:39.160 That's what's wild.

00:34:40.540 He was kind of thicker.

00:34:41.640 He'd been eating and his hair, his hair was darker.

00:34:46.200 And, um, he was laughing, man.

00:34:49.800 He was laughing.

00:34:52.560 And he, uh, and he was a little, he was, he was kind of being cool, trying to a little bit play it cool or be cool, I guess.

00:34:59.240 I don't know.

00:34:59.660 So, I mean, he, you know, I mean, he lives in that world in the subconscious or in dream war.

00:35:05.460 So, I, you know, I have no idea what his life is like there.

00:35:08.100 He may drive a Corvette.

00:35:09.500 I don't know.

00:35:10.080 I didn't see, you know, the parking lot or anything like that.

00:35:13.300 I just saw, you know, just him.

00:35:17.520 Um, and man, right when I got up, I've just been on this kick where I've just been trying to stay more motivated.

00:35:24.880 And like when I get, when it's time to get up, it's time to get up.

00:35:27.940 Um, and I need to do things and, you know, I just want my life to be, I want to have more experiences in my life.

00:35:34.500 You know, recently I've just been realizing like I do a lot of stuff, but it's a lot of the same things.

00:35:39.400 And I'm not really having a lot of like new experiences.

00:35:42.600 And so I want to have a little bit more of that.

00:35:44.780 But, uh, but man, I wish I'd have just laid back down and tried to go right back and see him.

00:35:50.020 You know, wherever he was and, um, but it's just so funny.

00:35:56.180 I mean, I've slept in, you know, in the past 20 years, I've probably fallen asleep in, you know, 42 states and, you know, 15 or 20 or 30, you know, I don't know, countries.

00:36:09.300 And not once did I see my father and then, bam, I'm in Maui and there he is.

00:36:16.940 Maybe he's over there, maybe, you know, with Dog the Bounty Hunter, dude.

00:36:20.780 But, uh, it was quite an experience and aloha and, uh, mahalo.

00:36:27.740 Those are the things I learned.

00:36:29.220 And one time there was somebody vomiting behind a truck and I thought they were, uh, doing, saying, uh, mahalo.

00:36:37.860 But it was a woman, you know, had a little bit too much fermented fruit. 1.00

00:36:42.640 You feel me?

00:36:43.620 She had a little too much nap in her pineapple dog.

00:36:46.520 And she was vomiting over there behind a, um, uh, little, uh, Isuzu truck, rare truck. 1.00

00:36:53.580 You don't see those as much as you used to anymore.

00:36:56.140 And I'll tell you this, over there on Interstate 12 or I-10, I saw a Doberman, full-grown Doberman commit suicide, jump right out of the back of a, um, uh, Chevrolet truck, I believe it was, or something, or maybe Daihatsu.

00:37:13.540 Just jump right onto the interstate.

00:37:17.420 At 60, 70 miles an hour.

00:37:20.520 So, you know, you just don't know what people, anybody's going through sometimes.

00:37:24.880 It's that, it's that kind of world.

00:37:30.080 So, we just got to take care of each other.

00:37:32.480 Um, the hotline, I got a couple calls that came in.

00:37:35.460 As always, the number 985-664-9503.

00:37:40.360 And, uh, let's get some of these hitters right here, gang. 1.00

00:37:44.700 Yeah.

00:37:44.820 Oh, man, I'm so excited for this week, dude.

00:37:48.540 We got so, just so many fun places to do shows.

00:37:50.540 Let's check, uh, let's check a call. 1.00

00:37:53.760 Hey, Theo, uh, fucking GPS, shut up. 0.99

00:37:56.920 Uh, hey, Theo, it's Colin from Harrisburg. 1.00

00:37:59.360 Uh, we went and saw you last night.

00:38:00.920 What's up, Colin from Harrisburg?

00:38:03.780 Thank you for calling.

00:38:04.780 Beautiful state.

00:38:06.540 I mean, driving, we drove five hours of the day when we did the Pittsburgh show that day.

00:38:11.940 And, man, it's just beautiful.

00:38:14.700 You know, and we saw a couple Amish, and we tried to go, you know, we didn't want to get too close to them, 1.00

00:38:19.080 because it was, like, around lunchtime or whatever.

00:38:21.440 But we saw a couple, and we tried to, you know, we, like, pretended we weren't taking,

00:38:26.860 like, getting them in the back of our pictures and stuff.

00:38:29.000 But, yeah, beautiful state.

00:38:30.640 The trees are just starting to change color.

00:38:32.520 And, I mean, it just, this is when Mother Nature really shows that work, you know. 0.99

00:38:39.780 This is when Mother Nature really, uh, bounces that ass a little, if you will. 1.00

00:38:44.340 Sorry to get kind of urban right there. 0.99

00:38:45.880 Let's hear more.

00:38:46.500 Thank you for calling, Colin.

00:38:47.260 I called, uh, said that I was taking my wife with me, and she'd never seen you before.

00:38:51.760 And, uh, she ended up loving it.

00:38:53.260 So, I think, we got a new fan.

00:38:55.300 What do you think, honey?

00:38:56.200 Yeah.

00:38:56.720 Yeah?

00:38:57.220 I loved it.

00:38:57.920 Yeah, yeah.

00:38:58.300 Fun last night, she spit her, she got her to spit her Sprite out, so. 1.00

00:39:02.580 Oh, yeah, one of that.

00:39:03.840 Look, where I grew up over there on McGee Street in Covington, Louisiana, bruh,

00:39:08.420 if a girl spits Sprite onto you, dude, 1.00

00:39:12.360 y'all probably gonna end up touching each other, dude.

00:39:15.460 You know what I'm saying? 0.65

00:39:16.440 Man, that's sexual right there. 0.99

00:39:19.300 If somebody spits Sprite on you, bruh, 0.85

00:39:21.780 so you feel that splash, but also you can still get it out of your clothing.

00:39:25.420 It's not one of those, you know, caramel-colored beverages,

00:39:28.360 you know, a Coke or a Pepsi or a Tab.

00:39:33.220 You, dude, that's four-play.

00:39:36.460 That's five-play, baby.

00:39:38.300 Seeing that Sprite just splash off your hard skin, dog.

00:39:41.780 Yeah, man.

00:39:46.920 See, y'all better make a baby, bruh. 1.00

00:39:48.580 You feel me, dude?

00:39:49.320 Bring that baby back next year.

00:39:50.900 Let's hear a little more.

00:39:52.260 Right, man.

00:39:52.740 That was a great show.

00:39:54.520 It was, you know, really good to see you, man.

00:39:56.120 I hope to see you again soon.

00:39:57.600 All right, man.

00:39:58.160 Take care.

00:39:58.840 Gang. 0.66

00:39:59.960 Gang, bruh.

00:40:01.120 Gang, bruh.

00:40:01.900 Well, good.

00:40:02.560 I'm glad you and your lady came out.

00:40:04.220 We had a guy that came out and brought his brother out over there yesterday in Pittsburgh.

00:40:10.920 It was pretty nice to see him and his brother came out.

00:40:13.020 These two, they look kind of Irish, but something also, I don't know if they were or not.

00:40:17.380 But they had a father-son that came out over there in Bethlehem.

00:40:21.720 They had a mother-daughter came.

00:40:25.740 One of them gave me this really nice little booklet of, like, positive affirmations and stuff.

00:40:33.760 A lot of good people.

00:40:35.360 So I'm glad you and your girl enjoyed it, you know?

00:40:38.620 And I hope you gave her that hitter, Daddy.

00:40:40.280 You feel me, son?

00:40:41.780 Because we got to procreate.

00:40:45.040 We got to get out there and make them pop, baby.

00:40:48.080 And do that. 0.99

00:40:49.260 And do sex, you know, if you love each other. 0.70

00:40:51.720 And if you guys are already living in the same house, you might as well, you know what I'm saying, 1.00

00:40:57.040 cross paths with your crotch, brother. 0.98

00:41:00.360 Let's take another call that came in here. 0.98

00:41:02.160 As always, the hotline is 985-664-9503.

00:41:09.460 What's up, Theodore?

00:41:12.180 What's up, brother?

00:41:13.420 Thank you for hitting it up, gang.

00:41:16.600 My name's Zach.

00:41:18.320 Big Jack.

00:41:19.200 It's your time of year, too, with them jack-o'-lanterns.

00:41:22.580 You might as well knock one of your teeth out.

00:41:26.280 You know, and really just, and live the life. 1.00

00:41:29.380 And, you know, paint, you know, paint your head orange and knock one of your own damn teeth out. 1.00

00:41:34.180 And eat a light. 0.99

00:41:36.440 You know, eat a little 30 watt or something.

00:41:38.680 And live hard this month.

00:41:40.260 Onward?

00:41:41.540 I'm driving right now in a car.

00:41:43.160 I've been in a car for about three hours now.

00:41:46.180 Three and a half hours now. 0.99

00:41:47.680 Oh, damn. 0.99

00:41:48.320 You might be in a high-speed chase, bro. 1.00

00:41:49.960 You better look out there.

00:41:50.680 You better look behind you and see if there's activity, you know.

00:41:53.680 See if there's a little bit of, you know, a couple of Dodge diplomats and some gunplay.

00:41:59.560 Let's hear more, brother.

00:42:00.760 Moss?

00:42:01.060 I'm driving because I'm going to ask my girlfriend's father if I can marry her.

00:42:08.000 And I'm not 100% sure if he's going to say yes.

00:42:12.500 Oh, yeah.

00:42:14.820 Wow.

00:42:17.980 Hmm. 0.94

00:42:21.060 Well, I'll shut up. 0.91

00:42:22.080 Let's hear more from you, man.

00:42:23.040 Uh, so my question to you is, uh, you know, how do I, how do I confront him about that?

00:42:33.960 How do I navigate this conversation?

00:42:37.500 Um, if he does tell me no, what do I do, you know?

00:42:41.860 Um, but I just want to put that out there for you because you are a wise young man.

00:42:46.680 So, um, yeah, just let me know.

00:42:49.620 Just give me a call back if you can.

00:42:51.480 Well, I'll tell you, I'll, uh, I'll, uh, I'll let you know right now what I, what I think

00:42:57.340 about it is if you're asking somebody's dad to marry you, first of all, it's, it's, it's

00:43:06.860 nice of you to do because that's an old school tradition.

00:43:10.660 You know, there was a time back in the day where people, you know, if you didn't really

00:43:15.720 like, you know, if, if you, you know, your girl, if your girl, if your, you know, wife

00:43:20.880 got out of line, they went missing, this is 300 years ago or, you know, 70 years ago

00:43:24.760 probably.

00:43:25.220 But, but there was a time where, you know, where, you know, men probably weren't treating

00:43:32.700 women as good and so I think you getting over there and asking him, I think it's a pro move.

00:43:40.440 If he says no, bro, I think you got to probably move on because you don't want to be, I just,

00:43:49.220 I wouldn't want to be at odds.

00:43:50.720 Then your girl's going to become this middle man between you and the dad. 1.00

00:43:56.680 Or if he says no, I would take some boxing gloves over there.

00:44:01.740 Because I bet any man that gets to punch his son-in-law a couple times, I bet at some point

00:44:07.800 they, you know, they beat the, they beat them into somebody that they could love.

00:44:12.940 So, you got some choices, boy, and I'm glad you have at least somebody, at least you have

00:44:22.880 somebody to drive across town and, and check.

00:44:26.700 You know, I could drive across town right now, down there to New Orleans, I, you know, 0.99

00:44:30.900 a girl I used to date and, and her dad would be like, what the fuck, we haven't seen you 0.99

00:44:35.460 in 15 years. 0.98

00:44:36.360 So, that would be, you know, and they, they over there, they used to make a, do the snow

00:44:42.600 cone makers.

00:44:44.520 So, you know, at least you, that would be a funny show if a guy just pulled up over at,

00:44:51.860 like a, hey, if a guy just pulled up over, walked up to an older guy on the street and

00:44:58.220 was like, sir, I just want to ask you for your daughter's hand in marriage.

00:45:00.800 I think it wouldn't be a bad movie, it would be easier than approaching a woman, a female 1.00

00:45:08.120 a lot of times, because a lot of times approaching a female can make a man nervous.

00:45:12.740 But if you got to approach that male and say, hey, bucko, you know, hey, Jim, you could even

00:45:17.500 just guess his name, you know, four out of probably 22 times it's going to be Jim.

00:45:23.140 Hey, Jim, I, you know, you don't know me, but I've been seeing your daughter and, you

00:45:29.920 know, I love her.

00:45:31.700 You know, she's the apples of my eyes and she, you know, she chips in on my rent and 1.00

00:45:38.760 I love her.

00:45:39.960 We bought a super NES together and, uh, and things are looking up.

00:45:47.360 So I think that there's a, that would be a great little kind of fun little show just

00:45:53.280 to see, cause then if the dad just, even if he kind of agrees and likes you, then you

00:46:00.200 could probably get to meet the daughter and at least have a chance maybe with her. 0.66

00:46:04.780 So that way you're kind of working backwards.

00:46:07.800 But if you're choosing to work forwards the old fashioned way, um, I say if y'all are going

00:46:14.200 to live in the same city and he says no, then I think you got to, you might want to look

00:46:19.220 into somebody else.

00:46:19.880 But if he says yes, man, then get into it, man.

00:46:23.360 Y'all do a barbecue, get matching aprons.

00:46:27.000 You know what I'm saying?

00:46:27.680 Go full throttle, do matching shirts and then buy a little dog that looks like just you and

00:46:31.880 the, and the, and the father-in-law, you know, live your best life, brother.

00:46:37.160 You can do it.

00:46:39.420 Um, what else, man?

00:46:41.700 Let me, let me, let me get this other call that came in right here.

00:46:43.700 The hotline is always is nine, eight, five, six, six, four, nine, five, uh, zero three.

00:46:49.100 Here we go.

00:46:51.180 Hey, Theo, this is Tate from Atlanta.

00:46:54.000 What up, Tate?

00:46:56.540 Thanks for calling in, brother.

00:46:58.140 I appreciate it.

00:46:59.660 Uh, first off, sorry.

00:47:00.760 I found a extra light today.

00:47:02.560 I'm a little stuffy.

00:47:03.380 I'm getting over a cold.

00:47:04.740 So, uh, maybe don't stand too close, too close to the phone because I don't want to get

00:47:08.260 you sick, bro.

00:47:09.760 Uh, but anyways, I, uh, went and saw that new Joker movie last night. 0.90

00:47:13.780 Oh yeah.

00:47:14.160 I think I'm gonna go see it tomorrow actually.

00:47:16.720 And I love face paint anyway.

00:47:18.520 Let's hear more.

00:47:19.980 It was pretty good.

00:47:20.740 But, uh, I know all the news outlets and all were reporting that people might want to

00:47:25.380 be aware that these incels might be there.

00:47:28.200 Those movie premieres inciting violence and all that.

00:47:31.440 And I was like, well, what's an incel?

00:47:33.300 So I looked it up and it's involuntary celibates.

00:47:36.460 It's just like internet group of dudes who can't get any action and take it out on women

00:47:41.060 because they think that it's their problem somehow.

00:47:43.460 And, and I was just wondering, what are your thoughts on that?

00:47:46.880 That's just kind of weird to me.

00:47:48.680 I think it's a weird culture we live in and the internet forums and all that can breed

00:47:53.520 some, some really weird monster people, you know?

00:47:57.000 So, uh, yeah.

00:47:58.520 Anyway, appreciate it.

00:48:00.480 Love what you're doing.

00:48:01.740 Oh, thanks, man.

00:48:02.860 Thank you for, uh, sorry.

00:48:04.200 Uh, gang gang.

00:48:05.220 Stay safe out there, man.

00:48:06.760 Gang, bro.

00:48:07.320 I'll stay safe too.

00:48:08.180 And it is Halloween month.

00:48:09.260 So it's that time of year where somebody will, you know, dress up like a giraffe and hit 0.90

00:48:15.120 you with a hatchet or something, you know, for no reason and just say they were looking

00:48:19.300 for candy or whatever. 0.98

00:48:20.240 And they'll get off scot-free because these attorneys and all this shit, but, um, yeah, 0.98

00:48:27.300 they're in cellulars. 0.98

00:48:29.140 I don't do it.

00:48:30.300 Um, you know, I think there's a lot of soft batch people out there.

00:48:36.660 Uh, now there's a lot of guys that struggle, you know, if you struggle to meet women and

00:48:41.820 struggle to, you know, converse with women and struggle to form relationships, that's 1.00

00:48:47.180 one, that's one thing.

00:48:49.500 But if you find that you have a real anger towards women, um, you know, that's something

00:48:56.560 else you got to deal with.

00:48:57.400 You can't be dressing, you know, you can't be dressing up like, you know, like, uh, Christopher

00:49:02.380 Robbins or whatever. 1.00

00:49:03.420 And, you know, throwing, you know, throwing like wooden swords and shit at like local bitches 1.00

00:49:10.240 in your area. 0.99

00:49:12.000 That's, you know, that's not the kind of, that's, that's no way to, you know, it's almost,

00:49:18.420 we're heading into the holidays.

00:49:19.480 I mean, Jesus.

00:49:21.140 So I don't, and also the news, I don't believe anything the news says.

00:49:24.900 I really don't.

00:49:25.980 And I, I don't believe ever since, remember when they said that about the election, before

00:49:31.200 they had the presidential election, they're like, uh, Oh, Hillary's going to win this much 0.98

00:49:35.180 and all the, all the polls they had done.

00:49:37.500 And, um, and then they were just wrong.

00:49:42.120 They were just wrong about everything.

00:49:44.020 And at that point I realized, Oh, the news, it used to be like facts. 0.99

00:49:49.520 And now it's just people guessing shit with cameras. 0.97

00:49:54.240 So I think the movie is going to be fine. 0.99

00:49:57.500 I think the news is just trying to scare people.

00:50:00.400 Uh, you know, I think there's some guys out there, but they're tightening up.

00:50:05.480 That's what I think.

00:50:06.800 And things are looking up, have a little bit of red meat maybe, or have some strong broccoli. 0.99

00:50:10.900 You know, do something, eat a half of the, you know, drink half a thing of fucking Elmer's. 0.97

00:50:18.700 You know, do something, tighten up and feel strong. 0.99

00:50:21.320 I think there's a lot of young men that are feeling stronger than ever.

00:50:25.140 You know, it's like the news is always saying, Oh, there's racism and this and that.

00:50:28.420 Like, bro, when I was in Pittsburgh for the game today, I saw so much like non-racism, probably more than I've ever seen.

00:50:39.760 And I was like, Oh yeah, once again, everything's going fine.

00:50:47.340 Now, I don't think, I don't think it's a bad idea to stay strapped if you need to these days, wherever you're going.

00:50:52.540 You know, if they have a legal law where you can carry a weapon.

00:50:55.480 And, um, I don't think you need to be alarming people like my cousin, Jamie.

00:51:00.420 And he would, you know, he popped out from behind the computer, you know, the computer, um, desk with two guns on him.

00:51:09.960 And he was in his underpants.

00:51:11.940 And so he, Jesus Christ, dude.

00:51:14.740 And he has a deviated septum.

00:51:16.000 I had to listen to him snore for probably, oh, I can't even tell you.

00:51:20.320 It sounded like a couple of whales trying to meet each other.

00:51:22.640 And, you know, on like a very distant beach.

00:51:26.620 Um, but I don't even know what I'm talking about, man.

00:51:30.600 But I'll say this, bro.

00:51:31.700 You got to take care of yourself, dude.

00:51:33.520 Tighten up and keep tightening up.

00:51:37.480 That's what you can do.

00:51:39.440 That's what you can do.

00:51:41.580 And look, have a plan.

00:51:43.000 If you do have, don't, don't be the jack off that's sitting in the movie with no plan.

00:51:46.960 You know, go in there, have a little bit of a plan.

00:51:53.120 No matter what, have an escape plan, you know.

00:51:55.900 If you're going in with your girl, you know, wear hard, you know, do something.

00:52:00.440 Have a little shield or something.

00:52:01.720 Do something.

00:52:02.280 Just have a little plan.

00:52:04.600 But I think overall that things are, everything's going to be okay.

00:52:09.000 I don't think things are getting that squirrely.

00:52:10.720 But then also, if they have people that are incels, dude, I don't know.

00:52:18.320 I guess we'll be, I guess we'll, I guess we'll beat them somehow.

00:52:21.600 You know, we will defeat them when it all goes down.

00:52:27.040 That's what I'm hoping.

00:52:28.280 And I'm going to go see the movie tomorrow. 0.98

00:52:30.100 And I'm going to get some damn milk duds or whatever, dude, or some jujubies and chill. 0.98

00:52:33.960 And I think a lot of these in-cellular fellows are, a lot of them probably are men that feel, you know, they don't, they feel so probably anger towards women. 0.98

00:52:50.020 You know, there's been, there was a movement, and I don't know if it's still as heavy as it was, but where a lot of women were just being mean towards men. 0.80

00:52:56.460 You know, just being mean, you know, and they were kind of using the guise of feminism, but really just being just mean. 1.00

00:53:04.760 And a lot of times it's like lonely women and are writing these articles about how bad men are, and they're just lonely.

00:53:11.080 Why not just write an article that just says, hey, I'm, you know what, man, sometimes I'm lonely.

00:53:16.380 Dude, everybody could really relate to that article.

00:53:18.640 But just being a real B-I-T-C-H with a pen, because you are lonesome sometimes, that's not super helpful, miss.

00:53:30.080 You know, and so I think a lot of these men that are attacking women, sometimes they feel, they feel attacked probably.

00:53:38.480 And I'm not saying it's right, you know, you're not supposed to hit a woman.

00:53:40.700 But also, a lot of women these days, they're not, these aren't the same women from 50 years ago, when a woman, you know, was doing, they didn't have gymnasiums, and they didn't have, you know, women weren't doing a lot of, you know, strength training, and, you know, throwing axes and all of this, or throwing, you know, big lead, you know, pushing sled lead.

00:54:06.480 And now you have, it's, dude, they got, dude, a buddy of mine, his wife hit him with a car.

00:54:15.300 So he can't hit her one, he can't punch her in the shoulder one time.

00:54:20.520 So what is the rule then?

00:54:21.940 What is going on there, you know? 1.00

00:54:24.480 I mean, his wife hit him with a damn LeSabre. 1.00

00:54:27.940 Not the, uh, sword of Buick. 0.99

00:54:29.880 But, so what you can't, he can't, you know, he can't rattle one off one time, or put her in a, you know, a rear naked choke for 30 seconds.

00:54:39.580 There gotta be some rules, sometimes.

00:54:43.340 But I don't just think for sheer anger, you can just be attacking women out in the street.

00:54:47.040 That's not gonna help anything.

00:54:49.100 So, um, but this makes me think about pornography, man.

00:54:55.000 I've been struggling with the dark arts, brother, I'll be honest with you.

00:54:57.660 Uh, you know, about three months ago, I have this blocker on my phone that keeps pornography off, and it, it somehow, it updated or didn't update, and next thing you know, man, the whole just, I mean, Satan's, just, it's just like Satan's belly button opened up.

00:55:20.800 It was like he was a piñata, and his belly button just opened up and just started spilling dirty candies all over me. 0.53

00:55:25.720 So, I've been struggling with a little bit of that, um, and I turned on some blockers they have on the iPhone that are, like, N8 blockers built into the system.

00:55:36.360 You know, natural blockers that Apple has, but I want to get that full throttle and get back to the thing that I had going on before.

00:55:43.700 So, um, but just to chime in, I'm not an in-cell, I don't think, but, you know, I'm kind of an in-and-out cell.

00:55:52.640 Like, I'm in, and then I'm out, I'm out, and then I'm in.

00:55:54.920 Sometimes I feel, you know, like I'm okay.

00:55:58.260 Sometimes I feel like I'm not.

00:55:59.160 I think I'm just cellular.

00:56:01.980 That's what I am.

00:56:03.980 I'm not in-cellular, I'm not out-cellular, really.

00:56:06.120 I'm just cellular.

00:56:06.880 We all are.

00:56:08.200 You know, that's the building blocks of us, that's what they said, or that's the atoms, maybe.

00:56:11.380 But, um, what else do we have?

00:56:17.280 I mean, we got more, you know, everything's going pretty smooth.

00:56:23.560 People are always like, well, when are you going to shoot a special?

00:56:25.420 I'm going to shoot one. 0.67

00:56:26.540 I don't know when. 0.99

00:56:27.980 You know, I want to take this, the show to the people first and take it to whoever will come and see it first.

00:56:33.720 And I still got to get over there in Europe.

00:56:35.300 All those shows are in January.

00:56:36.560 So that's going to be really amazing right after Christmas, get over there while it's still cold.

00:56:41.800 And just see what it's like to see, like, cold Europeans, you know? 1.00

00:56:45.820 Because a lot of times when you think about Europeans, you think about them being warm or being, like, in a warm area.

00:56:51.320 You know, or wearing, like, kind of a summer kind of outfit.

00:56:54.580 But this will be a different experience.

00:56:56.540 So really keen on having that.

00:57:02.000 And, yeah, just happy to be in Cleveland.

00:57:04.520 You know, I'm happy to be in Cleveland, and I'm happy to be on the road and just getting these shows out there to everybody,

00:57:13.920 getting to go to Indianapolis and Grand Rapids, places where I see, like, you know, I see Chris D'Elia.

00:57:19.080 He travels to these places, and I'm like, man, I want to be there.

00:57:22.400 And now I get to be there.

00:57:25.380 And gang, gang, man.

00:57:27.900 So, you know what I'm saying?

00:57:29.080 Let's get it.

00:57:30.540 Let's really, really get it.

00:57:31.820 All right, I'll see you guys this week.

00:57:35.820 What else?

00:57:36.200 They got new merch online.

00:57:38.060 We got the show at the Wiltern coming up December 10th in Los Angeles.

00:57:41.280 That'll be on sale coming soon.

00:57:45.920 Some really neat guests.

00:57:47.060 I think they're going to be coming up on the podcast.

00:57:49.360 I'm spacing them out now to give myself a little bit more downtime.

00:57:52.140 And I'm learning as I go, man.

00:57:59.200 Yeah, we got this call that came in, actually, about those shows.

00:58:03.000 Onward.

00:58:04.140 Hey, what's up, Theo?

00:58:05.140 This is Aistis from London, Ontario.

00:58:09.420 Aistis, huh? 0.98

00:58:10.500 Whew.

00:58:11.840 Just one letter from being a murderous regime, my brother.

00:58:16.100 A regime.

00:58:16.980 Onward.

00:58:17.640 Canada. 0.90

00:58:18.400 Give me that Canadian hater. 0.99

00:58:19.600 All from Canada, gang, brother. 1.00

00:58:21.660 Onward, bro.

00:58:22.380 Gang. 0.66

00:58:23.820 I hope you're doing well, man.

00:58:25.760 Just calling in to say that next weekend, my brother and I am taking my brother out for

00:58:32.520 a early birthday, early 30th birthday weekend to the Dirty D to see you down in Detroit at

00:58:40.920 the film or to both big fans.

00:58:43.380 So we're stoked, man.

00:58:45.020 We're going to spend some time in Detroit, have some dinner, maybe have a few adult beverages.

00:58:54.540 Gang, bro, I like it. 0.98

00:58:55.860 And I got a, I think my boy, a damn long neck, DLN, will be out there in Detroit, too. 0.99

00:59:00.880 So if we can get his long ass out and about, you know? 0.99

00:59:04.100 And he's beautiful, man. 0.96

00:59:04.860 You could travel with him. 1.00

00:59:05.620 You could put his ass in a violin case. 1.00

00:59:07.520 And that's how he is, boy. 1.00

00:59:09.160 You know, he's got that clarinet, bro.

00:59:10.840 You could put him right in that beautiful musical case.

00:59:12.920 And so I'm happy that my man will be out there.

00:59:16.480 Let's go out on the same song that you brought us in, man.

00:59:18.820 What just a crazy week to know that, you know, we're just on here.

00:59:23.520 And then North Mississippi All-Stars.

00:59:26.460 My best friend has been listening to this band for probably 12 years or something.

00:59:31.200 And just to find out that they, you know, that they threw one of our lyrics into their songs or just that they were even thinking about us.

00:59:43.320 You know, that's pretty cool, man.

00:59:44.780 So thank you guys for your patience and be good to yourself.

00:59:51.640 You know, I know you deserve it.

00:59:53.280 And let's go get it, man.

00:59:55.700 Let's go get it.

00:59:56.900 Let's, you know, let's stay motivated and let's keep it moving, you know.

01:00:02.640 Let's get that hitter. 1.00

01:00:03.840 Come on.

01:00:04.280 With North Mississippi All-Stars and Up and Rolling off their new album, This Drunk Outdoors.

01:00:11.140 Now we're cooking with gas on the front burner.

01:00:19.000 Hot wind gas station down on the corner.

01:00:22.140 Cooking with gas on the front burner.

01:00:26.380 We'll burn the trunk out the trunk.

01:00:29.300 Let's go get drunk outdoors.

01:00:32.460 Let's go get drunk outdoors.

01:00:37.560 If you've got money, you can get a little bigger.

01:00:43.180 If you've got money, get that hitter.

01:00:46.300 If you've got money, you can get a little bigger.

01:00:49.500 If you've got money, get that hitter.

01:00:57.140 Get that hitter. 1.00

01:01:02.200 1811 Pico Boulevard on the way to the beach.

01:01:04.760 You can get a little bigger.

01:01:22.120 Get that hitter. 1.00

01:01:26.540 Get that hitter. 1.00

01:01:28.520 Get that hitter. 1.00

01:01:29.760 Get that hitter 0.88

01:01:36.360 Get that hitter 0.88

01:01:43.360 Ten toes down, soldiers on the grind

01:01:48.340 Down at the club on the county line

01:01:51.520 Ten toes down, soldiers on the grind

01:01:55.060 Rubin' the junk out the truck

01:01:57.620 Let's go get drunk outdoors

01:02:01.200 Let's go get drunk outdoors

01:02:07.160 Let's go get drunk outdoors

01:02:13.160 Rubin' the junk out the truck

01:02:16.240 Let's go get drunk outdoors

01:02:19.160 Camel

01:02:27.620 Get that hitter 0.88

01:02:34.620 Get that hitter 0.88

01:02:41.200 Hey, that's wild, bruh. Get that hitter

01:02:47.000 I want to thank my man Ari Manis for helping me out here on the road

01:02:54.400 and being a part of making this happen, this episode, tonight.

01:02:58.880 We, you know, had to set the lamps up in the room

01:03:02.240 and, you know, never ceases to amaze me how, you know, how he's always part of the solution.

01:03:10.920 No matter what the problem is, I'm constantly reminded.

01:03:13.580 You guys be good to yourselves, man. You deserve it.

01:03:15.440 And, uh, I'll, uh, and we'll see each other next week.

01:03:18.920 All right, gang.

01:03:21.320 Ladies and gentlemen, I'm Jonathan Kite, and welcome to Kite Club, a podcast where I'll be sharing thoughts on things like current events, stand-up stories, and seven ways to pleasure your partner.

01:03:32.660 The answer may shock you.

01:03:34.380 Sometimes I'll interview my friends. Sometimes I won't.

01:03:38.140 And as always, I'll be joined by the voices in my head.

01:03:41.060 You have three new voice messages.

01:03:43.640 A lot of people are talking about Kite Club.

01:03:46.980 I've been talking about Kite Club for so long. Longer than anybody else. So great.

01:03:52.660 Aye, swee-ah. Here's a deal. 0.99

01:03:55.640 Anyone who doesn't listen to Kite Club is a dodgy bloody wanker. 1.00

01:03:59.580 Jermaine. 1.00

01:04:00.820 Ho-ho! I'll take a quarter pounder with cheese and a McFlurry.

01:04:04.640 Sorry, sir, but our ice cream machine is broken.

01:04:06.720 Ho-ho-ho! No! 1.00

01:04:09.000 I think Tom Hanks just butt-dialed me.

01:04:11.260 Anyway, first rule of Kite Club is, tell everyone about Kite Club.

01:04:15.600 Second rule of Kite Club is, tell everyone about Kite Club.

01:04:19.820 Third rule, like and subscribe wherever you listen to podcasts, or watch us on YouTube, yeah?

01:04:25.620 And yes, don't worry, my Brad Pitt impression will get better.

This Past Weekend with Theo Von - October 07, 2019

Cleveland ｜ This Past Weekend #235

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