This Past Weekend with Theo Von - Dead Man's Curve

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00:02:15.180 All right.

00:02:18.580 It's Monday, April 16th.

00:02:23.220 It's Monday, April 16th.

00:02:27.400 This is some day, man.

00:02:28.860 It's another day that these, uh, that the sun and the moon and whoever else made Poseidon,

00:02:39.040 Transformers, Voltron, everybody, everybody making it happen.

00:02:48.540 Everybody making it happen.

00:02:50.660 Oh, good to be here with you guys.

00:02:54.460 I, I just, let's get into it.

00:02:57.940 I just got back from, uh, from my hometown.

00:03:02.560 You know, I was down there in Covington, Louisiana down there.

00:03:06.200 And, man, we were shooting a pilot for this, for this project.

00:03:10.900 It's like a low-key small-town detective series.

00:03:14.100 So, you know, big-time shows, they have like dateline murder mystery.

00:03:18.000 You got to really murder somebody.

00:03:19.560 You got to, you know, you got to chop off somebody's arm or steal somebody's wig or,

00:03:23.780 but with their head hooked to it to really make that, you know, to make a real crime.

00:03:29.220 But in this show that we were pitching, it's more about small-town mystery, crime, paranormal.

00:03:36.080 You know, the kind of shit that, you know, you don't know what happened.

00:03:39.760 You know what I'm saying?

00:03:40.400 You played hide-and-go-seek and, uh, one dude y'all never found.

00:03:43.800 But if you go out in the woods at night, you can still hear him counting.

00:03:48.760 You know, that kind of stuff.

00:03:49.960 Somebody stole a pie off of somebody's windowsill.

00:03:53.240 And then suddenly everybody had diabetes in the whole town.

00:03:57.100 You know, a bunch of lice came through.

00:03:59.800 And, uh, and things got crazy.

00:04:02.280 A bunch of lice came through and they made it with termites.

00:04:05.740 And next thing you know, they had people, um, you know, they had little bugs that were

00:04:10.020 eating houses and, um, making people itch.

00:04:15.100 So it's that kind of show where you go into small towns and you investigate what could be happening.

00:04:19.800 So that's what I did, man.

00:04:21.000 I just got back today.

00:04:23.620 And we had a good time.

00:04:25.200 We had a good time, uh, down there in Covington, Louisiana.

00:04:28.720 And what have you guys been up to, man?

00:04:32.780 What have you guys been up to?

00:04:33.840 What you been up to in your life?

00:04:36.100 What's going on?

00:04:36.900 Somebody had a birthday this weekend.

00:04:39.600 You know, sometimes things happen so fast.

00:04:42.020 I don't need, it's like, and I don't know if it's because I'm older or because you get

00:04:47.200 used to doing things, but things happen so fast.

00:04:50.300 It's like, I can't even, it's not that I can't enjoy them.

00:04:54.100 It's just that, I don't know.

00:04:56.780 I guess I've just gotten used to them.

00:04:59.200 You know, it used to be, remember when you first went over to somebody's house for a birthday

00:05:02.020 party?

00:05:02.460 Oh, you remember that?

00:05:05.520 Remember it was like, oh, um, you know, Kenneth is having a party and you got an invitation.

00:05:11.560 Remember that shit?

00:05:13.220 You got an invitation.

00:05:15.140 And that shit said, Kenneth's house.

00:05:19.740 Or if his parents were divorced, you'd be like, Kenneth's dad's house.

00:05:23.960 1 p.m.

00:05:25.540 2, 2 p.m.

00:05:27.320 That shit only lasted an hour.

00:05:29.400 When you were a kid, boy, that shit lasted one hour.

00:05:35.420 And dude, you got up early.

00:05:37.600 You got up early as hell.

00:05:40.420 And a lot of times, if we had to get somebody a gift, what my mom would do is say, look around

00:05:45.020 the house.

00:05:46.540 Find something Kenneth would like.

00:05:48.200 And that was like a test as to how greedy you were or not.

00:05:53.500 Because you know good and well, I'm not giving Kenneth a nice shit.

00:05:57.720 You know good and well, I ain't giving little, little, uh, little itchy ass Kenneth the good

00:06:06.200 shit.

00:06:07.280 I'm not giving him a new toy that I hadn't opened or, you know, some money or anything.

00:06:13.140 So I go around the house, bruh.

00:06:15.980 Come back to my mama about maybe an hour later.

00:06:19.620 Have something all just in a little box or bag.

00:06:23.640 My mom looking there, it would just be like my bed sheet.

00:06:26.600 Just fold it up.

00:06:28.420 I'd be like, this is for Kenneth.

00:06:31.040 My mom would be like, what the fuck?

00:06:33.200 You giving Kenny their bed sheet?

00:06:34.820 That's insane.

00:06:35.540 Go find something else for Kenneth.

00:06:38.140 And you would do something wild.

00:06:39.920 You would maybe break Kenneth off a couple cheese slices or something, you know, or maybe

00:06:45.020 something, uh, you know, you wrap him up a couple of batteries or something.

00:06:50.020 It was just different.

00:06:51.200 You find anything around the house.

00:06:53.020 Oh, Kenneth will love this, uh, Phillips head screwdriver.

00:06:57.660 You know, the next thing you know, four year old Kenneth out there with a Phillips head.

00:07:02.880 It just, those were the days.

00:07:04.280 But remember that when you went to somebody's party, you were like, mom, is it time to go yet?

00:07:10.620 She'd be like, no, it's 9 a.m.

00:07:12.900 You'd be like, oh, fuck.

00:07:15.120 What comes after nine?

00:07:16.320 1 p.m.?

00:07:18.060 And she'd be like, no.

00:07:19.100 No wonder you wrapped up a bed sheet for Kenneth.

00:07:24.000 But that was it.

00:07:24.980 You were so excited.

00:07:26.640 You would brush, dude.

00:07:27.560 You would brush your hair.

00:07:29.180 You would comb your hair and brush your hair.

00:07:31.500 I remember combing and brushing my shit.

00:07:35.140 Putting that hairspray, dude.

00:07:36.840 Because I grew up in the hairspray belt.

00:07:39.660 You know, you fix all, everybody put hairspray on everything.

00:07:44.240 You know, sometimes if your carpet got real old and mashed down.

00:07:47.720 I remember in my neighborhood, a lot of mothers would go around with like a Brillo brush kind of.

00:07:52.700 And brush it up and then spray it with hairspray.

00:07:55.660 To give it that pop.

00:07:57.700 You know, to give you a step.

00:07:59.240 That give you, you know, put a little bit of, it would put a little bit of crunch under your bare foot in the house.

00:08:03.860 But it would give your carpet that lift.

00:08:06.120 Make it look fresh and new.

00:08:07.440 Right off that carpet truck.

00:08:11.240 Because they also had, if you wanted to get carpet, they had a carpet truck.

00:08:14.620 About every six months come through.

00:08:18.180 And it would park up there off of Lee Road.

00:08:20.920 Down by where I was from.

00:08:22.580 And you'd go up there and pick a color out.

00:08:24.700 And they'd have three or four colors.

00:08:26.880 You know, maybe get you.

00:08:27.660 One of the colors would always be fucking crazy.

00:08:30.720 You'd be like, damn, they got a, they got a fuchsia.

00:08:35.140 So, but you know, a couple sisters come through and grab that fuchsia out of the gate.

00:08:41.080 A couple brothers or a couple loked out white dudes come through.

00:08:44.920 And they put carpet in their fucking car.

00:08:47.620 I mean, it wasn't crazy when I was young to get into somebody's car and have it fully covered in carpet.

00:08:52.580 I mean, it was just a different time back then.

00:08:54.240 It was just more of a style thing.

00:08:56.320 But yeah, you remember that birthday party?

00:08:58.940 And then there was fucking Kenneth's gift.

00:09:01.920 And that thing was sitting on the table.

00:09:05.140 And man, all morning you had to walk around and just, you were like, fuck man.

00:09:10.660 Why Kenneth getting everything?

00:09:13.140 And I ain't getting nothing.

00:09:15.880 And by about 11 a.m., that's what your mom would be hearing.

00:09:18.680 I never get anything.

00:09:20.240 Kenneth gets everything.

00:09:22.980 And meanwhile, you don't even fucking know who Kenneth is.

00:09:26.260 You were one of those second or third degree friends that you just got, you know, that was back when you got invited because you had to.

00:09:35.180 You know, that was like the old Facebook four-year-old birthday parties.

00:09:38.660 It was like you had to know people.

00:09:41.880 You had no escape.

00:09:43.960 So 11 a.m., you crying now in the living room.

00:09:47.180 Kenneth's shit is all wrapped up.

00:09:49.380 You can't even remember what you got him.

00:09:50.920 You didn't fucking get him shit.

00:09:52.560 You gave him a couple color pencils that you had.

00:09:55.780 You know, and maybe a yo-yo.

00:09:57.560 Y'all got a little 40-cent yo-yo or something.

00:10:00.240 Put it in there.

00:10:01.600 Meanwhile, you don't even know Kenneth, the dude in your class, ain't even got any arms.

00:10:05.840 So now you fucking getting an armless kid a yo-yo, but you're not even there yet.

00:10:10.560 So you crying.

00:10:11.660 You pissed off.

00:10:12.380 Your mom's pissed off now.

00:10:14.500 She's yelling, fuck Kenneth.

00:10:16.380 Fuck Kenneth's party.

00:10:18.500 And now you're defending yourself.

00:10:20.320 You're defending Kenneth.

00:10:21.640 Kenneth, his mom is a nice lady.

00:10:25.280 Now your mom's pissed at Kenneth's mom.

00:10:26.860 Your mom starts whooping your ass because you're crying and screaming and fighting in the living room.

00:10:31.520 Now you got your ass beat.

00:10:34.180 Ow.

00:10:35.020 You cry yourself to sleep.

00:10:36.640 You take about a 40-minute nap.

00:10:38.760 It's 20 to 1.

00:10:40.000 You get up.

00:10:41.060 It's time to go to Kenneth's.

00:10:43.540 And you get to Kenneth's.

00:10:45.900 And man, the place is lit.

00:10:49.720 The place is lit as fuck.

00:10:52.020 People got Kool-Aid all colored on their mouth from drinking Kool-Aid.

00:10:58.080 They got that one four-year-old kid.

00:10:59.600 He can't even fucking talk yet.

00:11:01.900 You know, they got another.

00:11:03.500 They got one kid sitting by themselves just looking at the wall.

00:11:06.660 They got that kid, little Andrea.

00:11:09.280 You know, and they just living life.

00:11:11.700 And somebody's in the backyard and somebody ran and, you know, they got a sprinkler fucking going.

00:11:17.540 And it's a real shithole.

00:11:19.140 But it don't matter because this is Kenneth's party.

00:11:21.500 And those are the days, man.

00:11:23.920 I remember those days.

00:11:25.560 And we would go to this place called Roller Kingdom.

00:11:28.460 Now, sometime, whenever you got about six or seven, you know, you was able to skate.

00:11:33.060 You had that ability to skate.

00:11:36.200 And so you go to straight up Roller Kingdom, man.

00:11:38.600 It was dark in there.

00:11:39.700 People touching each other's assholes and everything.

00:11:42.160 All kind of wild shit.

00:11:44.340 I mean, it's so dark, you fucking, you'll, you know, you'll lick your sister's titty.

00:11:51.580 In there.

00:11:52.800 And that's natural activity out there when you, because look, man, when roller skates come on, that shit got me hard, bro.

00:12:01.700 I was that little jouster out there on them skates, dude.

00:12:05.580 I'll just be jousting with an erect, you know, I'll be out there just skating, but with that erection.

00:12:10.160 And when you're young and you get that erection, boy, I don't kind of hide it.

00:12:13.080 Now, if I get an erection, I'm like, oh, somebody's going to complain or start something.

00:12:16.720 But when I was young, over there by Roller Kingdom, and I'm popping off, you know, and I'm sprouting, I'll push my pelvis forward, boy.

00:12:29.500 I skate penis first, boy.

00:12:32.320 I want everybody to see that I'm here to battle the dragon.

00:12:38.680 And that's how I do it.

00:12:40.700 And those were fun, man.

00:12:41.580 I remember little kids' parties.

00:12:43.120 Dude, one kid's house I went over to.

00:12:44.780 I was just about hit pervert.

00:12:46.120 I went over to this one boy's house.

00:12:49.020 And I didn't even go to the fucking party.

00:12:50.880 The party's in the backyard.

00:12:52.360 I saw his sister's bedroom.

00:12:54.040 Dude, I stopped in there.

00:12:56.180 Had my head in her panty drawer, bro.

00:12:59.380 Dude, I had my face in that panty drawer for probably, fuck, that whole hour.

00:13:05.200 That whole hour birthday.

00:13:07.600 Because you know, come about 1.55 p.m., boy, I heard my mom calling from the living room or honking.

00:13:12.700 And my mom was that fucking mom that would pull up and honk, start honking.

00:13:17.560 She didn't give a fuck about meeting your mom.

00:13:20.040 She didn't give a damn about meeting your dad.

00:13:23.680 She was like the only single mom.

00:13:26.860 So then all these dads were always trying to meet her and shit and walk me out to the car.

00:13:31.060 My mom didn't give a fuck.

00:13:32.380 My mom wouldn't even stop the car sometimes.

00:13:34.060 She'd slow down as slow as a car could go, you know, which is maybe about, you know, 40 feet every maybe.

00:13:43.180 Seven seconds.

00:13:44.680 She would slow down as slow as you could go.

00:13:47.060 And then you'd have to get in, man.

00:13:48.680 My mom wasn't fucking playing.

00:13:50.620 My mom didn't play.

00:13:52.580 My mom was efficient and pissed off.

00:13:55.120 And that's where I came from.

00:13:56.880 But, yeah, this weekend we're back in my hometown, man.

00:14:01.600 And it was kind of crazy going back.

00:14:03.800 Like we had a crew of about eight of us went down there.

00:14:07.360 And this show is like, you know, like a Scully and Mulder.

00:14:10.760 And we chase small town crimes.

00:14:14.000 You know, and it could be anything.

00:14:15.820 You know, a house went missing or, you know, they find a bunch of, you know, baby doll heads in the woods.

00:14:22.940 That kind of stuff.

00:14:24.580 You know, the dark arts.

00:14:25.720 We're out there chasing it.

00:14:27.320 And in my town a bunch of monkeys got out.

00:14:30.240 You know, when I was young and a couple other times a bunch of monkeys got out of the primate center.

00:14:34.020 And they were living and hiding in different places.

00:14:35.980 And hiding in the dumpster by the Popeye's chicken.

00:14:39.740 They caught a couple eating pizza.

00:14:41.820 And they're up to some wild shit in my town.

00:14:44.720 You know, they were doing all kinds of lab testing out there.

00:14:47.480 They're making different hybrid animals.

00:14:50.740 You know what I'm talking about.

00:14:52.040 They have like, you know, an aliguan.

00:14:56.640 Which is just like an alligator and a swan.

00:14:59.020 Rat crows.

00:15:00.560 You know, you got that raccoon and that crow.

00:15:02.340 They got everything.

00:15:04.260 And so, you know, and in my town they've had rumors of all types of wild activity.

00:15:08.760 Humanities, chimp humans.

00:15:10.920 So, we got in there and started just asking around.

00:15:14.620 Man, we interviewed people that had been fired from the place.

00:15:17.060 From this primate center.

00:15:19.020 We interviewed the man that was a director there for 30 years.

00:15:23.900 We got into it.

00:15:24.800 Boy, we were traveling around.

00:15:26.120 We had an old grand marquee.

00:15:28.200 And my sidekick, this beautiful young comedian.

00:15:32.500 And we got into it, man.

00:15:34.180 So, and what else did it make me think of?

00:15:38.560 Oh, I went to my old junior high school.

00:15:41.020 And that was pretty cool, man.

00:15:42.080 That's where I got a lot of my early erections were in junior high.

00:15:45.780 So, even just getting back in that building, it made me feel.

00:15:51.260 I guess it made me feel a little bit old.

00:15:55.900 But it reminded me of some just damn standout erections.

00:15:59.320 Because I had this early thing, this habit.

00:16:01.120 When I would get an erection when I was young.

00:16:04.020 You know, when I was really young, I didn't know what was happening.

00:16:06.080 I would get one and I would put it on, set it on a piece of paper and I'd get my pencil and draw an outline around it.

00:16:13.180 And save it.

00:16:14.820 You know, because that way if I went to the doctor, I could show the doctor kind of what was happening.

00:16:19.280 You know, just show them these, you know, just, you know, these cock sketches.

00:16:24.340 And so, I would just outline that sucker and just outline it and do all of that.

00:16:30.180 And my penis had that low-key curve to it, too.

00:16:32.920 Out of the gate, I think.

00:16:35.020 You know, I don't know if my penis was really ready to be erect.

00:16:38.960 Because sometimes, you know, some things you're ready for in life and some things you're not.

00:16:43.240 And I don't know if my penis was really ready to be erect when it was.

00:16:49.180 But I think my imagination started reaching out.

00:16:52.440 You know, reaching for ideas of breasts and vulgarity.

00:16:57.540 And crotches and all of that.

00:16:59.600 And so, my mind was reaching out for these dark arts.

00:17:03.440 And then my penis, your penis will follow your imagination.

00:17:05.940 Your penis is just, it's basically the little brother to your imagination.

00:17:09.400 I mean, it just tags along behind, you know, it's like the shadow of your imagination.

00:17:14.980 And if your imagination is sprung, then that penis starts to dis.

00:17:19.940 But my penis had that low-key curve to it.

00:17:22.200 You know, that little, just like it was trying to just kind of peek around a cabbage ball.

00:17:28.080 You know, like it was just trying to peek around a small cantaloupe.

00:17:32.400 Like it heard something in the next room.

00:17:34.680 You know, I had that wild boner.

00:17:35.980 But, oh, listen to this.

00:17:39.900 Speaking of boners, okay, I'm on the flight home.

00:17:43.340 And I fell asleep.

00:17:45.160 You know, I fell asleep on the plane of natural causes.

00:17:48.480 And I wake up, there's a lady next to me handing me a blanket.

00:17:53.180 And she said, sure.

00:17:54.860 And she said, sir, your body is showing.

00:17:59.060 I'm like, what?

00:18:00.940 What's going on?

00:18:02.680 And she goes, your body, sir.

00:18:05.120 And I'm looking down.

00:18:06.680 And I'm sprung up.

00:18:08.700 You know, I'm showing root.

00:18:10.720 You know, I'm erect.

00:18:13.140 Because I wear these special pants sometimes when I fly.

00:18:16.220 And they, you know, keep a lot of blood from going into my legs and everything.

00:18:20.180 And sometimes that blood will store up in my wiener.

00:18:22.440 And I'm erect.

00:18:24.220 And this lady's like, I don't want to have to call the flight attendant.

00:18:29.980 Like, what?

00:18:31.240 And I'm thinking at first, I thought, well, you know, I didn't really, in my mind, I'm like, I just woke up.

00:18:35.740 Like, what am I doing?

00:18:36.640 Am I, you know, am I doing something odd or profane?

00:18:40.440 No.

00:18:40.680 And, uh, and she, this lady basically is, is calling me out because I have an erection.

00:18:47.980 Because I'm a natural man on an airplane.

00:18:50.480 And this frickin' frump.

00:18:53.440 I mean, this lady was a straight up frumpkin.

00:18:56.780 You know, look like a little, she looked kind of like a dude.

00:18:59.300 But, like, kind of like, just, like, kind of maybe decent legs, kind of.

00:19:05.340 She looked like a full trash bag, but somebody had put, like, legs on it that had maybe ran a 5K, but about six years ago.

00:19:14.700 You know, she looked like she had just kind of big tits, but not even cool tits.

00:19:19.300 You know, really just more belly hiding in her breasts, really.

00:19:23.500 And she was, like, just kind of jacked in the chest.

00:19:26.460 You know, this straight up frumpkin.

00:19:29.040 She was from New York or Jersey or something.

00:19:31.640 Just kind of a know-it-all, kind of.

00:19:33.520 And her husband's sitting right there.

00:19:35.920 And I'm like, there's something, you know, like, I'm like, I'm sorry, ma'am.

00:19:38.620 You know, that's a natural thing.

00:19:40.660 You know, I'm sorry, I'm sleeping.

00:19:43.680 And she goes, she's like, yeah, well, you know, it's not very appropriate is the word that she used with me.

00:19:48.500 And that's what shook me.

00:19:49.940 What's not appropriate?

00:19:50.820 I can't have an erection.

00:19:52.840 First of all, bitch, it ain't for you.

00:19:54.960 This ain't your erection.

00:19:58.500 The funny thing is I'd have to fall asleep next to you to even get an erection.

00:20:03.640 Because you look like somebody that just do chest exercises every day since they were about 16 months old.

00:20:10.580 And you got a big old jacked chest and nothing else.

00:20:13.400 And your breasts look all freaking, your breasts look like two, two fucking just fat kids asleep in the sun.

00:20:22.780 And one of them got some moles on it and look like somebody spilled chocolate on one of them chubby boys.

00:20:27.280 And you're trying to tell me.

00:20:29.900 And I'm looking at her husband like, dude, you're not going to, you know, oh, I got an erection in my sleep.

00:20:34.600 You're not going to back me up?

00:20:36.260 Fucking white, dude.

00:20:37.880 Both of them were white.

00:20:40.080 And it's just like, damn.

00:20:41.540 Dude, I looked at that dude.

00:20:42.600 I was like, wow.

00:20:44.140 You're a man.

00:20:45.240 Man, your wife's sitting here.

00:20:47.460 And how can I get called out for having an erection?

00:20:52.100 Like that's a crime, bitch.

00:20:53.680 None of us would be here if it wasn't for an erection, you stupid muppet.

00:20:58.580 You frumpkin latte.

00:21:01.800 Man, if that bitch was a drink, I would spill that bitch, man.

00:21:05.880 Just made me mad, dude.

00:21:07.000 I'm sorry.

00:21:07.460 I'm not trying to get angry, but I can't get an erection in my sleep anymore in public.

00:21:12.980 And I don't even know if an airplane's public.

00:21:16.440 It's got to be international waters, but air.

00:21:20.180 We're in the freaking sky.

00:21:22.180 I'm halfway to the sun, lady.

00:21:26.420 Don't be shocked if I erect up, okay?

00:21:30.260 Don't be shocked if my cock starts looking for, you know, looking for some hope.

00:21:35.040 My body's probably scared.

00:21:37.120 I'm, you know, 30,000 feet off the earth.

00:21:40.180 And things happen in a man.

00:21:41.560 And, man, you could tell this bitch, they didn't have any sex like this couple.

00:21:45.740 You know, not that I have really of a good one, but just made me mad.

00:21:49.880 You know what it made me feel like?

00:21:54.260 I mean, I guess it made me like feel bad for being like a man or something.

00:21:58.880 Or she was making me feel like, you know, because I had an erection or something that I was being wild.

00:22:02.940 You know, that I was, you know, like, damn, I mean, is that what it's come to?

00:22:09.220 You can't even be a man anymore?

00:22:10.620 I had pants on and underpants.

00:22:15.240 You know, those are, that's the correct amount of coverings.

00:22:18.900 You know, and just because, you know, I mean, I, I don't know.

00:22:24.380 It just made me mad.

00:22:26.040 You know, it obviously made me mad.

00:22:27.380 I'm still upset about it.

00:22:28.860 It just made me mad.

00:22:29.680 You can't, I can't, you know, I'm showing a little.

00:22:33.820 What if somebody's pregnant?

00:22:35.200 They can't show their work?

00:22:37.900 You know, this is just like high school.

00:22:39.260 I'm showing my work, lady.

00:22:40.940 That's it.

00:22:42.620 This is just like grade school.

00:22:45.800 You know, what if somebody's pregnant?

00:22:47.200 I'm like, excuse me, ma'am, you're going to need to tone that down.

00:22:51.640 No, I wouldn't say that.

00:22:53.980 You know, it's this freaking lady.

00:22:56.020 It's just some of this attitude out there that like I can't, a man can't even be a fucking human.

00:23:02.860 You know, like there's this crime against men or something.

00:23:06.160 I don't know what this lady's problem was.

00:23:08.840 And plus, I got a decent wiener.

00:23:10.920 You know, I got that short fat.

00:23:13.300 But that thing big, boy, it's like that fucking fat dude at school.

00:23:18.040 You know, and after the ninth or tenth grade, he quit coming to school because he was just too, he got too big, you know.

00:23:23.160 They didn't make enough shirts locally that could really partner with him to get him comfortably in a school.

00:23:28.820 He would just stay at the house topless and do homeschool but still learn.

00:23:33.500 And people would go visit him on the weekends and stuff until people started to forget about him.

00:23:38.180 But that's what I got that short fat.

00:23:41.060 You know, I got that young mayoral candidate.

00:23:44.100 And just because I'm bringing heat and this lady's over here frosty as hell.

00:23:47.840 You know, I should have said, man, I wish I would have said something.

00:23:52.800 I wish I would have said something.

00:23:54.600 It makes me, you know, it just makes me, it just makes me mad.

00:23:58.160 Anyway, I didn't mean to harp on that.

00:24:01.260 But damn, it's a crime to get an erection.

00:24:03.700 And you know what's funny is I felt like this a couple months ago.

00:24:05.780 I was somewhere and I got an erection.

00:24:07.420 This is during the, you know, when the Me Too Time's Up stuff was, you know,

00:24:11.060 when every celebrity suddenly, you know, was a victim of rape and everything.

00:24:15.440 You know, it's amazing how many celebrities will jump on that ship immediately.

00:24:19.700 You know, I was, it's like, we've all been, everybody's been sexually abused, it seems like.

00:24:25.480 In some way, I mean, here's one thing.

00:24:27.520 We've all been abused.

00:24:30.100 Why don't we just agree there?

00:24:32.520 So we can, it's like, it's like everybody's trying to out be abused.

00:24:36.020 It's like, oh, I've been abused, I've been abused, I've been abused, I've been abused, you know.

00:24:39.100 You know, I was, well, I was, I was molested, I was molested by, you know, one of my favorite lambs.

00:24:46.300 We had some lambs and I was molested by him at church during school, you know, by my step, you know,

00:24:54.720 mother's, grandmother's, father, you know, in the past and the future on drugs.

00:25:01.040 Yes, it happened to me too.

00:25:04.160 I'm not shunning the movement, but it's just like, you know, it's like everything's just,

00:25:07.680 it's just, everything's just a part of, you know, like this guy Comey or whatever is coming out about the elect,

00:25:12.140 you know, something about Trump and they're in a big fight.

00:25:14.940 I don't trust any of these Muppets.

00:25:16.720 I never trusted any of them since I was a kid.

00:25:19.680 Politicians, dude.

00:25:21.220 You know, we, I remember growing up, when you're poor, politicians don't give a fuck about you.

00:25:25.420 They don't give a fuck.

00:25:27.000 It doesn't matter what color you are.

00:25:28.240 I mean, they say that they do, they don't give,

00:25:30.040 the same problems have been around in America since I was a kid.

00:25:33.600 You know, these politicians aren't doing anything.

00:25:36.620 It's just a little show.

00:25:37.760 That's what I think.

00:25:39.580 But these Comey and all these people are all fighting.

00:25:41.740 Dude, I think it's hilarious.

00:25:43.060 I think it's all the WWE now.

00:25:45.480 But then everybody, suddenly everybody's selling that book.

00:25:48.180 Oh, here's the book about it.

00:25:50.840 What?

00:25:51.120 You know, there's no truth that there, if there's a book attached to it,

00:25:54.140 how much is truth?

00:25:55.060 And how much is PR, boy?

00:25:59.860 But they, um, what, oh, fuck, I wasn't going to talk about.

00:26:05.360 Oh, I remember this.

00:26:06.160 Dude, one thing I noticed, man, I miss gravel driveways.

00:26:10.920 It's just something I hadn't seen in so long, man.

00:26:13.020 We got out into the sticks, dude.

00:26:16.040 We went and interviewed a friend of mine's brother while we were in my town.

00:26:20.180 We just, this dude, man, he had the slowest drawl when he would say, come on.

00:26:24.440 He'd be like, come on.

00:26:27.240 Man, it had me laughing so hard.

00:26:28.880 Come on.

00:26:30.500 Come on.

00:26:33.860 But they had gravel driveways.

00:26:35.780 Remember gravel driveways?

00:26:38.000 That shit was lit.

00:26:40.820 Somebody was upset.

00:26:42.240 Or you went outside and you were upset,

00:26:43.640 you could grab a piece of your driveway and fucking throw it at somebody.

00:26:47.340 How awesome was that?

00:26:49.200 You can't do it with this concrete.

00:26:50.680 You got to have a hammer.

00:26:51.600 You got to have all of this shit.

00:26:52.740 You got to have a slingshot.

00:26:54.600 You know?

00:26:55.280 Or like a buddy, one of those big, huge slingshots.

00:26:57.960 You could have three people to even, you know, fire off a piece of that big granite or whatever.

00:27:03.220 Driveway granite.

00:27:04.940 But when I was a kid, boy, you walk outside, somebody pissed you off,

00:27:07.640 you pick up a piece of your fucking driveway and throw it at that motherfucker.

00:27:14.900 Oh, it was cool.

00:27:16.260 I missed that.

00:27:17.600 Oh, you ho.

00:27:18.560 Oh, really?

00:27:19.600 Really?

00:27:20.260 Really?

00:27:20.880 Pick that thing up.

00:27:21.780 Dude, most of us, half the time we were outside, all we did was stand around throwing rocks at a stop sign.

00:27:30.460 If you've ever done that, boy, then we have a lot in common.

00:27:34.120 And I don't care what color you are, white, black, Latino, you know, different color.

00:27:40.620 One thing that was pretty cool, I was at my middle school this, or my junior high school this past weekend.

00:27:47.360 And, you know, a girl that I used to have, you know, a little bit of a crush on and used to take, you know,

00:27:52.620 I used to ride to school with her sometimes, and her mother would give me a ride to school.

00:27:57.080 They, she's going to be the principal soon.

00:28:00.600 And one of the last teachers that still works there from when I went to school there is retiring this year, Mr. Heidelberg.

00:28:07.440 And he used to, you know, he used to run the low-key, you know, special kids.

00:28:14.340 You know, he'd be running all these special kids.

00:28:16.540 And that's where that dude, Brian St. Pierre, that's where this young dude, he was the first Wigga ever,

00:28:22.740 the first white kid that wanted to be black ever, and they put him in learning disabled classes

00:28:26.860 because they'd never seen it before.

00:28:28.900 So, you know, you had kids with real learning disabilities, and then you had frickin', you know,

00:28:32.860 Brian St. Pete just wearing this Charlotte Hornets starter pullover, you know,

00:28:38.400 just shooting invisible jumpers all day on the backs of mentally handicapped kids, you know,

00:28:42.280 just doing fake dunks on people that was drooling and running life like that.

00:28:48.160 But Heidelberg is retiring. That dude's retiring.

00:28:50.960 But we went on to, what did I want to say?

00:28:53.760 Oh, we went, yeah, we went on to the old school.

00:28:57.780 We just got to walk around my old school, and it was just, you know, it was unique to be an adult now.

00:29:02.320 When I was at the school, they said that one thing that they don't have much of anymore

00:29:05.940 is they don't have as much racial tension as they used to when I was a kid.

00:29:08.980 And that was pretty cool to hear, you know, because, you know, at the school,

00:29:14.200 it was probably maybe, I felt like it was like 60, 40, white, black for kids.

00:29:19.660 And that's all they had. You know, I didn't have a lot of, we didn't have a lot of other diversity.

00:29:23.640 Now there's a little bit more.

00:29:25.940 But it was really cool to hear, you know, this young lady and this other gentleman

00:29:33.140 who are, you know, teaching at the school and who are, you know, potential principal

00:29:37.720 that they don't have that as much anymore.

00:29:41.440 The kids just don't think about it.

00:29:43.180 You know, it's not as much of a thing.

00:29:45.500 So, you know, I think, you know, it's just good to hear.

00:29:50.040 Because that's the truth.

00:29:51.280 If that's coming out of a small town, then that's the truth.

00:29:55.400 And these aren't two people that would say anything to me

00:29:57.660 to make me believe anything different.

00:29:59.260 You know, I mean, I'm still not saying that it's easy for some people.

00:30:04.820 But I know that it's nice to hear, you know, from an educator,

00:30:09.000 you know, from educators that I personally trust,

00:30:12.040 that at young levels that a lot of kids aren't thinking about that kind of stuff anymore.

00:30:17.480 You know, I can't imagine what that's like.

00:30:19.800 Because the truth is, the future of the world, man, it's beige.

00:30:23.200 It's beige power.

00:30:25.520 Because if you drive by people at night, if you look off in the distance

00:30:28.480 and people are fucking at night, everybody's a little bit mixed now.

00:30:33.860 You know, you do everything.

00:30:36.040 You know, even if somebody's still a little bit racist,

00:30:38.280 they'll yell at somebody to get out of their yard for being one color,

00:30:41.860 but then they'll close the door and practice the moonwalk.

00:30:45.280 You know, or practice some bachata or macarena.

00:30:49.900 You know what I'm saying?

00:30:50.860 Like, everybody's, it's all merging.

00:30:53.900 You know, it's that beige power.

00:30:55.340 That's what I say, beige power.

00:30:56.600 It's all merging.

00:30:59.700 What else, man?

00:31:01.620 Oh, I thought about this, dude.

00:31:03.020 Why does every small town have a dead man's curve in it?

00:31:06.420 How about this?

00:31:07.780 Don't have that.

00:31:09.580 That'd be a great idea because people are dying.

00:31:13.060 And if anything, it even tempts young people.

00:31:15.340 They're like, oh, dead man's curve.

00:31:17.520 Here it comes.

00:31:18.180 And that's how it rolls out.

00:31:25.840 How about don't have, for some reason, every, like whenever we were driving around,

00:31:29.940 we went all these little, little places here and there.

00:31:31.920 I mean, they have towns by me called Bush, Sun, Blonde, just one word towns.

00:31:39.600 Big Branch.

00:31:40.760 That's named after a fucking stick.

00:31:43.900 I mean, these are all towns right over by me.

00:31:46.620 And we're going into them and everyone has a dead man's curve on the way in.

00:31:50.200 Beware of dead man's curve.

00:31:51.640 Beware.

00:31:52.140 How about don't fucking have that?

00:31:55.200 Just have the streets start to curve a little earlier and just have kind of like a little

00:31:59.920 bit of a bend for a longer period of time.

00:32:03.560 There's something about small towns.

00:32:04.960 They love that.

00:32:05.560 They love to have that chance.

00:32:07.080 They love to have that chance of death.

00:32:09.480 There ain't much to do.

00:32:10.440 Let's fucking take dead man's curve at about 45.

00:32:14.320 See if the Lord wants us this week.

00:32:18.520 Man, I had a good time.

00:32:20.220 So that's what I did this past weekend.

00:32:22.020 I want some of you guys to hit the hotline and just, you know, every now and then, you

00:32:25.380 know, we had the contest as to what you did this past weekend.

00:32:28.060 We'll give out one of these Correctional Center blue t-shirts every month.

00:32:32.100 We still have to mail one to the first dude, but don't worry, man.

00:32:35.400 It's coming.

00:32:36.360 I've been out of town a bunch.

00:32:38.340 But we're doing that, so don't worry.

00:32:41.340 But hit the hotline with what happened in your past weekend, 985-664-9503.

00:32:48.100 And let us know if something good happened, if something bad happened, let us know.

00:32:52.560 You know, it's just got to be 60 seconds or less, and each month we'll put together,

00:32:56.260 you know, the voicemails and we'll give away a prize.

00:32:59.100 We might be adding some other prizes to that as well.

00:33:02.100 We're going to bring Nick in in a minute and talk about some things.

00:33:07.340 What else happened to me?

00:33:09.740 Oh, I'll tell you this.

00:33:11.760 You know, when I was young, and if you're on YouTube, it just got a little dark in here,

00:33:14.900 but that's because the powers went out.

00:33:18.020 When I was young, I got hit by a Pontiac Firebird.

00:33:25.040 When I was young, I got hit by a Pontiac Firebird.

00:33:27.780 And I don't know if anybody out there has ever been hit by a car.

00:33:30.900 And if you have, you know, we're, I guess we're Eskimo twins.

00:33:37.420 But I got hit, I mean, that thing, I was young.

00:33:40.480 You know, and I was just left running across the street.

00:33:42.820 My mother had just told me something, and I went back to listen to her,

00:33:46.460 and then I took off running again, bam, got lit up on that thing.

00:33:51.060 And you can still see on my calf, on one of my calves, like by the side,

00:33:54.320 there's still a, you know, there's kind of a soft spot there in my bone

00:33:57.680 where that thing hit me probably doing about 38.

00:34:00.600 And I respected that it was doing 38 miles an hour

00:34:04.240 because if you're doing anything less than a 35 in a damn Pontiac Firebird

00:34:08.760 or Trans Am, then I couldn't even respect you.

00:34:13.120 You know, if I get hit by a damn Trans Am going six miles an hour,

00:34:17.640 I mean, I would feel like a little bitch.

00:34:19.280 But you hit somebody at 38, you know, that actually, you know,

00:34:24.260 it's not great, but it does a little something for me,

00:34:26.980 a little bit of street credit.

00:34:27.980 And that's what I got, you know, I got that street credit.

00:34:32.340 And it was beautiful, man.

00:34:33.520 I mean, this was back in the day.

00:34:34.540 This was in 85 or 86.

00:34:36.840 This was back when those things would go zero to 60

00:34:38.960 in about 9.2 seconds, 2.5 liter, you know, 5 p.m.,

00:34:49.800 kind of 5 p.m. blue or whatever color it was, midnight black,

00:34:53.720 whatever it is, I don't know.

00:34:54.660 So, man, I remember, I just remember, I remember just seeing the car.

00:35:00.120 That's all I remember.

00:35:00.980 Beautiful, beautiful car.

00:35:04.400 But, yeah, those are some of the things that popped into my head going home,

00:35:07.560 going home to a small town and just realizing that people just like a slower way of life.

00:35:13.940 People liked, I mean, I remember I got impatient.

00:35:16.520 I'm waiting in line.

00:35:17.420 Everything's kind of, people just like a slower way of life.

00:35:21.000 And it feels good.

00:35:21.920 It felt good to relax.

00:35:23.820 We're going to get into some news.

00:35:25.120 We're going to get into some of you guys' calls.

00:35:27.380 Nick is here.

00:35:28.940 You know, we also have another producer.

00:35:30.440 That's Chris Perez.

00:35:31.640 He's coming in.

00:35:33.080 Not today, but I think we're going to interview some,

00:35:35.280 do a couple of interviews this week.

00:35:37.480 If you, we have that Greyhound breakdown we're going to do this week.

00:35:43.840 So, if you have a story about Greyhound,

00:35:45.580 something that happened to you on Greyhound,

00:35:47.880 hit us up at the hotline, 985-664-9503,

00:35:52.200 and leave a voicemail.

00:35:53.260 Let us know what happened.

00:35:54.520 And also, if there's something good that happened to you.

00:35:57.260 You know, there's a lot of joy that happens on Greyhound.

00:35:59.060 I saw two people get, not married, but I saw two people get annulled.

00:36:02.620 I saw a marriage, I think, get annulled.

00:36:05.360 Annulment.

00:36:06.640 You know, and that's beautiful.

00:36:07.500 When you get off at one stop and your ex gets off at another,

00:36:10.520 and you've got your whole future ahead of you,

00:36:12.100 it's kind of beautiful.

00:36:13.940 So, you know, there's some good things that happen.

00:36:16.820 So, if you have something good that happened,

00:36:18.160 hit the hotline as well,

00:36:19.920 and we'll get involved in all of that.

00:36:22.040 This weekend, I'm going to be in New Jersey

00:36:23.780 at Bananas Comedy Club.

00:36:26.240 And Bananas is a comedy club in Hasbrook Heights.

00:36:28.500 You can come through.

00:36:29.720 That's April 20th and 21st.

00:36:32.540 As well, I will be at Clusterfest in San Francisco,

00:36:35.280 May, sorry, June 1st through 3rd.

00:36:39.240 Cherokee Casino out in West Siloam, Oklahoma.

00:36:45.060 And that's June 9th.

00:36:46.440 Calgary, June 15th and 16th at Yuck Yucks in Canada.

00:36:50.560 And Timbler Brewing Company in Bakersfield, June 23rd.

00:36:54.820 The new website should be going live this week

00:36:56.900 where you guys can get involved in more stuff

00:36:58.340 and see more of what's going on.

00:36:59.540 All tickets and everything available at Theovan.com.

00:37:05.660 Man, what a week.

00:37:06.660 I'm just tired, dude.

00:37:07.560 I fucking get tired.

00:37:09.140 But I am happy to be able to come home

00:37:11.420 and be here with you guys.

00:37:12.820 And I want to get to some of y'all's calls

00:37:14.160 and think about some things with you guys

00:37:15.980 and hear what's going on in your life.

00:37:17.980 So, also, another weird thing.

00:37:19.280 I'm sorry to keep telling you to hit the hotline,

00:37:20.380 but if you wanted to hit the hotline,

00:37:22.340 just tell me what you do.

00:37:23.920 Who are you?

00:37:24.900 Who are you that listens to this podcast?

00:37:26.940 Hey, Theo, my name is so-and-so,

00:37:28.540 and this is what I do for a living.

00:37:30.480 And I have, you know, one or two or three or four kids

00:37:32.840 or no kids or, you know, I'm homosexual

00:37:34.980 or I'm straight edge or I'm asexual

00:37:37.420 or I'm, you know, I just died in a fire.

00:37:40.260 I'm a ghost.

00:37:40.820 Whatever.

00:37:41.560 Hit the hotline and let me know who you are

00:37:43.220 if you feel like it.

00:37:44.700 Sometimes I just want to know who listens

00:37:46.120 so I can know that.

00:37:48.620 All right.

00:37:49.040 We'll be back.

00:37:49.740 Literally, there's going to be no commercial break.

00:37:51.460 We're going to stop right now,

00:37:53.080 and then we're going to be back.

00:37:53.700 We're going to roast a couple of songs as well.

00:37:56.140 See you in a second.

00:37:58.120 And we are back.

00:38:00.520 Let's play one of the songs that came in, Nick.

00:38:02.560 Nick Davis is in here with me.

00:38:04.520 Yes, sir.

00:38:06.140 This is a Theo Von track by Billy the Kid.

00:38:08.880 We are out here to laugh, to joke.

00:38:13.800 Damn, somebody sent this in, huh?

00:38:15.600 We are out here to laugh, to joke.

00:38:23.700 Bunch of tit lit, ma'am.

00:38:26.700 Damn.

00:38:30.120 Bunch of tit lit, ma'am.

00:38:32.860 This sounds, uh...

00:38:34.120 Light drug use.

00:38:35.520 Light drug use.

00:38:39.600 Light drug use.

00:38:42.740 All right.

00:38:43.260 Cut that off.

00:38:44.360 Who's that from?

00:38:45.360 That is Billy the Kid.

00:38:46.880 That's Billy the Kid sent that in,

00:38:48.340 and that is, uh...

00:38:49.640 What did that sound like?

00:38:50.700 That sounded like some dude

00:38:51.520 looking for something in a library,

00:38:53.040 I feel like.

00:38:54.220 Yeah, it sounded like he was on drugs

00:38:56.540 walking through a library

00:38:57.420 looking for a book.

00:38:58.420 Yeah.

00:38:59.160 When I was young,

00:38:59.960 I was in the library,

00:39:00.640 and they had a boy,

00:39:01.940 and he could have been Japanese,

00:39:03.480 or he could have just been kind of,

00:39:05.540 you know, just local.

00:39:08.240 And he, um...

00:39:10.200 set my hair on fire one time

00:39:11.760 at a library.

00:39:13.380 And one of my friends

00:39:14.080 had to beat my hair out

00:39:15.260 with a periodical

00:39:16.120 because it was pretty lit.

00:39:18.060 Yeah, I think so.

00:39:18.940 Yeah.

00:39:19.860 And that was, you know...

00:39:21.300 That's back, though,

00:39:21.960 honestly, when life was more fun.

00:39:23.320 So that's what's crazy, you know?

00:39:24.680 That that's childhood

00:39:25.380 is supposed to be more fun,

00:39:26.500 but that's the kind of shit

00:39:27.520 that was going down.

00:39:28.740 And they buried one kid,

00:39:30.120 and thank God everybody

00:39:31.000 fucking dug him up.

00:39:32.680 What else, ma'am?

00:39:33.660 What else is going on?

00:39:34.240 Let's get into some of the news, man.

00:39:35.620 Thank you guys for being here with us.

00:39:36.780 Nick just stepped in,

00:39:39.260 and we got some news,

00:39:40.960 some calls, right?

00:39:41.840 What do we have on?

00:39:42.860 Yes, sir.

00:39:43.320 We got some news first.

00:39:44.760 There's some heavy stuff went down,

00:39:46.500 but some lighthearted stuff as well.

00:39:48.500 First of all,

00:39:49.880 President Donald Trump

00:39:51.020 ordered a military strike on Syria

00:39:52.860 early Saturday

00:39:53.720 in coordination with France and Britain.

00:39:56.040 The White House intended the strike

00:39:57.800 to deter Syrian President Bashar al-Assad

00:40:00.400 from using chemical weapons

00:40:01.700 after a suspected attack

00:40:03.060 using sarin and chlorine gas

00:40:05.180 killed dozens of people

00:40:06.700 last week

00:40:07.240 in the rebel stronghold of Duma.

00:40:09.160 Wow.

00:40:09.720 East of Damascus.

00:40:10.660 That's crazy, man.

00:40:11.620 So they ordered a military strike?

00:40:14.720 Yes, sir.

00:40:15.700 And they got it?

00:40:16.520 Yeah, and we had the approval

00:40:17.540 of France and Britain,

00:40:19.000 our allies.

00:40:19.800 Mm-hmm.

00:40:20.180 Mm-hmm.

00:40:21.000 Huh.

00:40:21.820 Well, let's see.

00:40:22.440 Look, man.

00:40:22.960 I mean, it's like,

00:40:23.480 what are you going to do?

00:40:24.680 I mean, I know they were using gases

00:40:26.000 and stuff over there on children,

00:40:27.480 and you saw pictures of that.

00:40:28.660 If that's true,

00:40:30.200 then, I mean,

00:40:32.120 it's just uncalled for.

00:40:34.260 You know, it's uncalled for.

00:40:36.400 So, the only thing is,

00:40:37.920 these days,

00:40:38.360 how do you go about

00:40:39.480 making sure nobody gets hit

00:40:41.000 and this sort of thing?

00:40:42.700 But then I think that

00:40:43.540 that's where you get away

00:40:44.260 from some of the country mentality

00:40:45.780 and just get into

00:40:47.140 an individual mentality.

00:40:48.780 Mm-hmm.

00:40:49.300 Like, when I was young,

00:40:50.300 it was just like,

00:40:51.500 you know,

00:40:51.920 us against another country.

00:40:53.300 Do you remember that?

00:40:53.980 Yes.

00:40:54.500 Yeah.

00:40:55.560 It was like Russia.

00:40:56.640 You just didn't,

00:40:57.000 you didn't think about,

00:40:57.620 like, each person.

00:40:59.360 And it's probably not

00:41:00.340 the best way to,

00:41:01.200 you know,

00:41:02.040 in some ways,

00:41:02.920 it wasn't very humane,

00:41:04.060 probably,

00:41:04.460 because you're not thinking

00:41:05.060 about each individual human.

00:41:06.980 But then that was,

00:41:07.800 I think,

00:41:09.300 you know,

00:41:09.600 we're still coming off

00:41:10.380 of a colonial time

00:41:11.400 where people were,

00:41:12.400 like, you know,

00:41:13.280 taking each other's land.

00:41:15.100 And, you know,

00:41:16.360 does that make any sense,

00:41:17.140 you think?

00:41:17.580 Yes, definitely.

00:41:18.220 And it's very confusing

00:41:19.700 who's associated with who.

00:41:21.340 We're bombing Syria,

00:41:22.420 but it's somewhat

00:41:23.080 to get to Iran and Russia.

00:41:25.020 It's, yeah, definitely.

00:41:25.880 It seemed like more black and white

00:41:27.060 back in the day.

00:41:28.360 But sometimes I look,

00:41:29.600 I like a little something.

00:41:30.420 It almost makes you feel,

00:41:31.620 you know,

00:41:32.300 makes you want to,

00:41:33.680 makes you want to,

00:41:35.500 you know,

00:41:36.320 hug your lady

00:41:37.040 or fucking,

00:41:38.120 you know,

00:41:38.580 jerk off in a neighbor's mailbox

00:41:40.320 or something

00:41:40.920 or do something wild.

00:41:42.860 Because when I,

00:41:43.700 you know,

00:41:43.900 I feel like when the missiles

00:41:44.680 hit the air,

00:41:45.320 sometimes it makes you

00:41:46.080 just feel a little bit

00:41:46.900 more alive.

00:41:47.660 Is that weird?

00:41:48.420 No,

00:41:48.860 it's end times.

00:41:50.140 You gotta,

00:41:50.580 gotta have,

00:41:51.200 you have your fun at the end.

00:41:52.300 Yeah.

00:41:53.380 They say if you're trapped

00:41:54.440 in a freezer,

00:41:55.280 somebody told me this one time,

00:41:56.580 that if you're trapped

00:41:57.020 in a freezer

00:41:57.580 that you could,

00:41:58.840 that you can stay erect

00:42:00.220 for,

00:42:01.620 like it's,

00:42:02.320 it's almost impossible

00:42:03.200 not to stay erect

00:42:04.160 because your body

00:42:04.900 starts to think

00:42:05.600 that you're dying

00:42:06.500 and that it wants

00:42:07.700 to procreate.

00:42:08.860 And the same thing

00:42:09.620 like in a fire,

00:42:10.480 like as you're burning,

00:42:11.340 you'll get an erection.

00:42:12.320 Man,

00:42:12.600 I would hate to see you

00:42:13.300 on fire

00:42:13.780 while you're in a plane.

00:42:14.940 What kind of erection

00:42:16.240 you'd have then?

00:42:17.460 Oh,

00:42:17.740 that's a good point.

00:42:18.600 If a plane's going down,

00:42:19.820 boy,

00:42:20.620 somebody's getting

00:42:21.200 that free hit.

00:42:22.740 What else we got?

00:42:24.580 Former First Lady

00:42:25.600 Barbara Bush

00:42:26.500 is in failing health

00:42:27.660 and she has decided

00:42:29.460 not to seek further treatment.

00:42:31.660 A source close to the family

00:42:32.680 said the 92-year-old

00:42:33.800 former First Lady

00:42:34.600 is being cared for

00:42:35.480 at her home in Houston

00:42:36.420 and has decided

00:42:37.580 she does not want

00:42:38.300 to go back to the hospital.

00:42:39.540 She has been on oxygen

00:42:41.180 for some time

00:42:42.040 and she's currently joined

00:42:43.420 by her family

00:42:44.320 including former President

00:42:45.720 George H.W. Bush

00:42:47.080 Oh,

00:42:47.420 that's it.

00:42:48.100 And former Governor Jeb Bush

00:42:50.580 and former President W. Bush.

00:42:52.620 Huh.

00:42:53.620 Man,

00:42:54.520 that's,

00:42:54.800 I always thought

00:42:55.360 that she looked like shit,

00:42:57.700 honestly.

00:42:59.740 You know,

00:43:01.240 and that's,

00:43:03.040 you know,

00:43:04.180 she,

00:43:05.160 but she probably seemed

00:43:06.920 like a nice lady.

00:43:08.260 I just always thought

00:43:09.220 that she,

00:43:11.500 you know,

00:43:11.860 that George W. Bush

00:43:13.160 didn't chase a lot of hotties.

00:43:15.720 You know,

00:43:16.080 but that's back when,

00:43:17.220 I mean,

00:43:17.420 he kind of took that

00:43:18.360 Rosie the Riveter type of chick,

00:43:19.880 that tough,

00:43:20.940 she looked like

00:43:21.500 she could have been

00:43:21.960 early MMA.

00:43:23.620 You know,

00:43:24.340 early grassroots type of stuff.

00:43:26.340 Maybe she fought in Charleston

00:43:27.360 a couple times.

00:43:28.680 You know,

00:43:28.860 maybe she fought in Lexington.

00:43:30.880 Maybe she fought over in Birmingham

00:43:32.800 or Meridian,

00:43:33.760 Mississippi.

00:43:34.900 You know,

00:43:35.060 maybe one time

00:43:35.880 got out to Oklahoma

00:43:36.800 for like some sort of,

00:43:37.800 you know,

00:43:38.440 battle of the,

00:43:40.200 of the bulge,

00:43:41.660 kind of,

00:43:42.020 you know,

00:43:42.460 middle of the country

00:43:43.260 sort of thing.

00:43:43.820 But she looks like

00:43:44.540 she definitely could have,

00:43:45.840 probably could have fist fought.

00:43:47.880 She looks like

00:43:48.460 kind of a tough broad.

00:43:50.080 Definitely.

00:43:50.680 Definitely.

00:43:51.080 I could see her fighting Don Frye,

00:43:52.580 one of their early UFC stars.

00:43:54.460 Oh yeah.

00:43:55.380 Or Big Kamala,

00:43:56.720 remember that guy?

00:43:57.380 Yes.

00:43:58.100 Yeah.

00:43:59.740 Okay,

00:44:00.240 who else,

00:44:00.700 man?

00:44:00.820 What else?

00:44:01.160 Anything else in the news?

00:44:02.260 Let's see.

00:44:02.700 A daycare worker

00:44:04.340 reportedly built a drug den

00:44:06.240 inside a Missoula,

00:44:07.500 Montana,

00:44:08.000 YMCA Learning Center.

00:44:09.440 Ooh.

00:44:10.460 The facility's laundry room

00:44:11.700 was outfitted with

00:44:12.400 a battery-powered light,

00:44:13.740 makeshift curtains,

00:44:14.620 shelves,

00:44:14.980 and an air filter,

00:44:16.180 and a small glitter case

00:44:18.880 containing snort tubes,

00:44:20.080 lighters,

00:44:20.680 a glass pipe,

00:44:22.720 and a vial of methamphetamine

00:44:24.040 were all found.

00:44:25.000 There you go, man.

00:44:25.820 Well, look,

00:44:26.840 and I've always figured this,

00:44:28.740 daycare and drug use

00:44:31.480 how can,

00:44:34.600 you should,

00:44:35.120 you can't outlaw it

00:44:36.120 because you're telling me

00:44:38.960 you're going to drop

00:44:39.540 your fucking kids off

00:44:40.960 by me.

00:44:42.340 And look,

00:44:43.040 most of these daycares,

00:44:44.000 dude,

00:44:44.140 I used to work at one.

00:44:45.600 I think it was called

00:44:46.340 A-OK Ranch

00:44:47.440 or some fake name.

00:44:49.320 And people would drop

00:44:50.360 their kids off all day.

00:44:51.600 We had them in a long,

00:44:54.060 it was a trailer.

00:44:56.340 It was basically

00:44:56.780 an empty trailer

00:44:57.620 that we'd put different

00:44:58.520 like letters,

00:44:59.200 alphabet on the wall.

00:45:00.640 And we didn't even

00:45:01.360 have all the fucking letters.

00:45:02.700 We had to draw

00:45:03.180 some of the letters

00:45:03.740 on the wall.

00:45:04.660 So we had some real letters,

00:45:05.760 some drawn on letters

00:45:06.880 or painted on.

00:45:08.280 And then we would have,

00:45:09.460 we had kids age four

00:45:10.960 to I think 12

00:45:12.180 all in the same room

00:45:13.500 in this big trailer.

00:45:15.100 We would watch movies

00:45:16.160 and they would change clothes

00:45:17.760 behind these men's

00:45:18.560 and women's curtains

00:45:19.220 in the back

00:45:19.780 and we'd take them

00:45:20.280 to swim

00:45:20.780 in this big cistern

00:45:22.440 that somebody had spilled

00:45:23.200 a bunch of damn

00:45:23.880 flour or powder in.

00:45:25.800 And so the water

00:45:26.640 was all chalky.

00:45:28.140 So we'd take them

00:45:28.860 down the hill

00:45:29.260 to swim in there.

00:45:30.020 Who even knew

00:45:31.060 what was in that shit,

00:45:32.000 bruh?

00:45:32.340 You couldn't see the bottom

00:45:33.220 and the bottom

00:45:33.520 was literally only

00:45:34.520 about 14 inches away.

00:45:36.700 And then one time

00:45:37.520 this man named Wild Bill

00:45:38.640 would come down

00:45:39.060 and he'd take photos

00:45:39.680 of the kids and stuff

00:45:40.620 for like about three weeks.

00:45:43.420 So I go to my boss

00:45:44.580 one day,

00:45:45.040 Big Tiff,

00:45:45.740 this lady that ran it

00:45:46.700 and I was like,

00:45:48.340 you know,

00:45:48.860 do we ever get to see

00:45:49.660 the pictures

00:45:50.020 from Mr. Bill?

00:45:51.140 And she's like,

00:45:51.780 who's Mr. Bill?

00:45:53.560 And I'm like,

00:45:54.040 the photographer.

00:45:55.640 She's like,

00:45:56.040 we don't have a photographer.

00:45:57.580 She's like,

00:45:58.140 you know,

00:45:58.360 we don't even have

00:45:58.900 electricity here

00:45:59.560 in the front building.

00:46:01.460 I'm like,

00:46:01.920 well,

00:46:02.200 fuck,

00:46:02.620 boy,

00:46:02.920 somebody's been coming down.

00:46:03.960 We've been posing with them.

00:46:05.500 Dude,

00:46:05.660 we were doing pyramids

00:46:06.880 and like throwing kids

00:46:07.700 up in the air and stuff

00:46:08.700 and,

00:46:09.660 you know,

00:46:10.620 it's just,

00:46:11.720 so you're telling me

00:46:12.600 that these people

00:46:13.140 are watching kids all day

00:46:14.280 and they can't do

00:46:14.800 a little bit of dope

00:46:15.460 here or there,

00:46:15.980 take a hit?

00:46:17.340 And here's the thing,

00:46:18.180 as a parent,

00:46:18.700 you know what you're getting

00:46:19.600 when you drop your kid off.

00:46:21.420 You can tell

00:46:22.180 when you,

00:46:22.560 if you get there

00:46:23.140 and they got a little fence

00:46:24.120 or something,

00:46:26.080 you know,

00:46:26.560 or they're put,

00:46:27.140 or they got,

00:46:27.560 you know,

00:46:27.760 the lady has pepper spray

00:46:28.980 around her neck,

00:46:29.680 you know what the fuck

00:46:30.520 you're getting into.

00:46:31.900 So I don't blame the,

00:46:33.420 I don't know if I blame

00:46:34.500 the people that are working there

00:46:35.560 trying to have a side hustle

00:46:36.620 and make a little bit of dope.

00:46:38.260 You know,

00:46:38.600 it's tough times.

00:46:40.160 You know,

00:46:40.540 do I think that they should

00:46:41.260 be doing that around kids

00:46:42.220 and cooking up

00:46:43.160 methamphetamines around kids?

00:46:44.300 No,

00:46:44.520 I don't.

00:46:45.820 But do I blame them

00:46:47.240 for trying to run

00:46:47.780 two businesses

00:46:48.460 at the same time

00:46:49.380 and not being sure

00:46:50.440 which way to go?

00:46:51.900 You know,

00:46:52.260 I don't,

00:46:52.960 I understand it.

00:46:54.460 Because it's,

00:46:55.400 it's hard.

00:46:56.720 Nobody wants your shitty kids.

00:46:58.380 Because here's the thing.

00:46:59.960 A lot of times though,

00:47:01.100 kids are either good,

00:47:03.380 like I find my brother's kids

00:47:04.660 sometimes are good

00:47:05.860 when they're around me

00:47:06.820 and they'll be badder

00:47:08.160 when they're around him.

00:47:11.040 But sometimes

00:47:11.800 that's not the case,

00:47:12.620 man.

00:47:14.220 You know,

00:47:14.840 and if these people need to,

00:47:15.800 you know,

00:47:16.000 have a side hustle,

00:47:16.860 then do it.

00:47:18.320 I mean,

00:47:18.840 I'm glad that she didn't have

00:47:19.540 the kids involved in it though.

00:47:20.620 Now that for me is,

00:47:21.680 that's a no-no.

00:47:22.420 What else do we have?

00:47:24.780 Actor Will Ferrell

00:47:25.880 escaped from a violent car crash

00:47:28.560 relatively unscathed.

00:47:30.460 The actor suffered minor injuries

00:47:31.900 after the SUV he was riding in

00:47:33.820 flipped over

00:47:34.540 on the Los Angeles freeway

00:47:35.840 late Saturday night.

00:47:36.820 Wow.

00:47:37.880 We're going to the quad.

00:47:39.500 Could you imagine that

00:47:40.240 if Will Ferrell

00:47:40.840 got into a car accident by you?

00:47:42.700 The weird thing about some celebrities,

00:47:44.660 it's hard not to run up on them

00:47:46.120 and I think

00:47:46.980 expect them to make you laugh.

00:47:50.160 Like what if you ran up to Will Ferrell,

00:47:51.980 he's dying,

00:47:53.020 you have to do CPR on him.

00:47:54.840 I think I'd be laughing to him.

00:47:56.220 Like it would seem like he was joking.

00:47:58.160 He was coming back

00:47:58.880 from a San Diego

00:47:59.700 funny or die event

00:48:00.840 and he was in character

00:48:01.940 as Ron Burgundy.

00:48:03.440 So I don't know

00:48:05.200 if when they got hit

00:48:06.020 he was in character

00:48:06.780 but again,

00:48:07.400 it just adds to it.

00:48:08.660 Yeah,

00:48:08.800 if he rolls out as Ron Burgundy,

00:48:10.880 I mean,

00:48:11.140 there's no way,

00:48:11.940 you know,

00:48:12.540 and he's coming back

00:48:13.260 from San Diego.

00:48:14.600 I mean,

00:48:14.820 it all kind of fits.

00:48:16.500 There's no way.

00:48:18.140 He's like,

00:48:18.760 like,

00:48:20.260 what's that,

00:48:20.800 Baxter?

00:48:22.220 There's cheese in,

00:48:23.620 in,

00:48:24.820 there's cheese

00:48:26.280 in the orphan's bedroom?

00:48:31.280 All right,

00:48:31.860 cool.

00:48:32.060 Let's get to a couple of calls,

00:48:33.480 man.

00:48:33.640 What do we got,

00:48:34.200 Nick?

00:48:34.980 We got Bryce.

00:48:36.300 What's up,

00:48:36.740 Theo?

00:48:37.020 This is Bryce from Fresno.

00:48:38.740 Okay.

00:48:39.220 Thank you for calling Bryce.

00:48:40.180 I appreciate you

00:48:41.020 hitting the hotline.

00:48:41.920 Onward.

00:48:42.520 I just wanted to tell you

00:48:43.440 a little bit about

00:48:44.800 what's going on with me

00:48:45.780 this past weekend,

00:48:47.000 me and my wife.

00:48:48.200 We made an offer

00:48:49.280 to buy a home

00:48:50.640 and we're really excited,

00:48:53.360 man.

00:48:53.500 That's a big deal for us

00:48:54.620 and especially with me,

00:48:56.960 like,

00:48:57.960 buying a house

00:48:58.660 in my family,

00:48:59.380 like,

00:48:59.620 that's not too common,

00:49:00.900 you know,

00:49:01.360 and my grandma,

00:49:03.760 she unfortunately

00:49:04.680 lost her home

00:49:05.760 and,

00:49:06.720 you know,

00:49:06.920 like,

00:49:07.120 I couldn't tell you,

00:49:08.480 man,

00:49:08.600 how many times

00:49:09.260 we moved

00:49:09.780 when I was a kid

00:49:10.560 and I just didn't want

00:49:12.600 that for my family,

00:49:13.520 you know?

00:49:13.720 I'm going through

00:49:15.060 the process right now

00:49:16.040 and I got a badass wife,

00:49:17.560 you know,

00:49:17.760 that supports me

00:49:18.500 and stuff

00:49:18.980 and we make a good team

00:49:20.760 and starting,

00:49:22.360 like,

00:49:22.560 a new chapter

00:49:23.180 in our lives,

00:49:23.820 you know?

00:49:24.100 So,

00:49:24.920 yeah,

00:49:25.080 I just wanted

00:49:25.380 to share that with you.

00:49:26.720 Thanks for calling,

00:49:27.540 Bryce.

00:49:27.760 I appreciate that.

00:49:28.800 That's amazing, man.

00:49:29.900 You got first-time

00:49:30.700 home ownership

00:49:31.420 and I think,

00:49:34.240 you know,

00:49:34.420 in my family,

00:49:36.060 yeah,

00:49:36.360 I guess,

00:49:36.780 you know,

00:49:36.960 we rented growing up

00:49:38.000 but to have that

00:49:39.300 first-time home ownership,

00:49:40.440 that's huge

00:49:41.120 and you sound like

00:49:42.200 you might be Latino

00:49:43.060 or Guatemalan.

00:49:44.420 I mean,

00:49:44.600 you might be American

00:49:45.280 as well

00:49:45.660 but you might also

00:49:46.420 know Spanish

00:49:47.300 or you have a lisp

00:49:48.760 that likes Mexican food.

00:49:51.620 I mean,

00:49:51.820 these are all possibilities

00:49:52.820 but I can't even imagine

00:49:54.880 what that's like

00:49:55.520 to be the first one

00:49:56.220 in your family

00:49:56.780 because you're going to

00:49:58.240 start to set a precedent.

00:50:00.340 You know,

00:50:00.500 now your family's

00:50:01.220 going to become homeowners.

00:50:03.100 You know,

00:50:03.700 now somebody in your family

00:50:04.740 is going to look at you

00:50:05.360 like,

00:50:05.680 oh,

00:50:05.880 that's Uncle Bryce

00:50:06.760 or that's my dad

00:50:08.280 and he's a homeowner.

00:50:10.500 You know,

00:50:10.700 he pays his mortgage.

00:50:13.640 You know,

00:50:14.140 your home is going to be

00:50:15.300 something,

00:50:15.540 you're going to have

00:50:15.800 an example of something

00:50:16.560 that you take care of.

00:50:18.820 You know,

00:50:19.080 you get flower beds.

00:50:22.040 You and your wife

00:50:22.480 are going to have

00:50:22.760 some traditions

00:50:23.440 you'll be able to build

00:50:24.300 and those are some things

00:50:25.900 that I think a lot of,

00:50:27.640 you know,

00:50:28.240 families that travel a lot

00:50:29.440 or move around a lot

00:50:30.600 or families that get,

00:50:31.980 you know,

00:50:32.220 get stuck in just renting,

00:50:34.040 you don't get as much of that.

00:50:36.760 You know,

00:50:37.380 I remember

00:50:38.120 one of the things

00:50:41.340 that I loved

00:50:41.880 as I got older

00:50:42.660 was

00:50:43.380 running down the staircase,

00:50:47.780 you know,

00:50:48.120 and it just became a thing

00:50:49.120 where I could like,

00:50:49.760 at some point

00:50:50.240 I was small enough

00:50:50.880 to slide down the rail

00:50:51.960 a little bit.

00:50:52.680 We had just a,

00:50:53.580 it was just a piece of shit rail

00:50:55.000 like along this wall

00:50:56.020 and then I got too big

00:50:58.120 to slide down

00:50:58.840 and I had to just,

00:51:00.020 you know,

00:51:00.400 I had to get back to running

00:51:01.720 and,

00:51:02.480 but then as I got older

00:51:03.780 I could literally make it

00:51:05.160 all the way down the staircase

00:51:05.840 and like,

00:51:06.760 four steps

00:51:07.900 if I wanted to

00:51:08.640 and I just remember

00:51:10.580 there was always

00:51:11.060 some weird monitor

00:51:11.900 in my head

00:51:12.300 that was like,

00:51:12.720 man,

00:51:13.040 you used to have to like

00:51:14.000 hold onto the rail

00:51:15.960 with both hands

00:51:16.680 when you would go down these

00:51:17.620 and it just,

00:51:18.940 you know,

00:51:19.200 it's wild how you have

00:51:19.920 like these little things

00:51:20.620 in your home

00:51:21.000 that you'll start to remember.

00:51:22.440 You know,

00:51:22.800 I would always get jealous

00:51:23.620 when I would go over

00:51:24.160 to kids' houses

00:51:24.920 and they had like

00:51:25.480 that thing on the wall

00:51:26.320 that showed where the kids

00:51:27.180 had grown up

00:51:27.900 and it kept getting taller

00:51:29.000 you know,

00:51:31.320 because it just shows

00:51:32.260 a little bit of history.

00:51:35.780 I remember,

00:51:37.360 you know,

00:51:38.460 I remember like,

00:51:39.520 I remember taking out

00:51:43.200 the garbage

00:51:43.840 and things like that

00:51:44.740 and going out to the gate

00:51:45.680 and how the gate

00:51:46.160 would scare me

00:51:46.960 and at night

00:51:48.300 and dude,

00:51:48.740 at night when you're a kid,

00:51:50.160 anything could be in the air.

00:51:52.980 Anything.

00:51:53.860 A star might attack you.

00:51:55.720 A fucking wolf.

00:51:57.360 A tree.

00:51:58.660 The ground might swallow you.

00:52:00.880 Somebody with a hatchet

00:52:02.120 might show up.

00:52:02.600 It was always somebody

00:52:03.140 that for me

00:52:03.500 it was like with a hatchet.

00:52:05.240 Like,

00:52:05.560 I'd never even seen

00:52:06.860 a fucking hatchet

00:52:07.840 my whole life.

00:52:09.220 But in my imagination

00:52:10.340 they had five motherfuckers

00:52:11.860 that were just hiding

00:52:12.500 in the shadows.

00:52:13.640 Hatchet ready.

00:52:14.700 Just looking for somebody

00:52:15.640 just like me.

00:52:17.540 I mean,

00:52:17.980 those are kind of scary thoughts

00:52:19.940 to be thinking about

00:52:20.520 a home ownership

00:52:21.120 but you're going to have

00:52:22.200 nice stuff, man.

00:52:23.020 You're going to be able

00:52:23.580 to buy things

00:52:24.160 and put it in your house.

00:52:25.480 That's going to become

00:52:26.100 your domain.

00:52:27.900 That's amazing, man.

00:52:29.140 Congratulations, dude.

00:52:30.140 I don't know if I can know

00:52:31.660 of a better weekend.

00:52:32.960 I don't know if I can know

00:52:33.960 of a better weekend

00:52:34.740 than having that first feeling

00:52:36.080 of being a homeowner.

00:52:37.020 So congratulations to you.

00:52:38.140 You're going to set

00:52:38.520 a precedent in your family.

00:52:39.740 It sounds like

00:52:40.420 we'll become a new thing.

00:52:42.500 What else we got, Nick?

00:52:44.140 Yeah,

00:52:44.560 waking up this morning

00:52:45.560 to the passing

00:52:46.860 of Mitzi Shore

00:52:47.660 was a rough one, man.

00:52:48.620 That was the first thing

00:52:49.480 I saw.

00:52:49.980 As soon as I opened my eyes,

00:52:51.780 looked at my phone,

00:52:52.560 went on Instagram

00:52:53.600 and fucked.

00:52:56.180 It's like one of those people

00:52:57.320 that you're like,

00:52:58.560 like Stan Lee, you know?

00:53:00.060 It's one person

00:53:00.940 I was like,

00:53:01.580 fuck, man.

00:53:02.100 I know it's going to happen

00:53:04.600 and it's going to be

00:53:07.500 really shitty

00:53:08.060 to wake up in the morning

00:53:09.000 and see, you know,

00:53:10.940 one of the passing.

00:53:12.720 So rest in peace,

00:53:14.640 Mitzi Shore.

00:53:16.520 Yeah.

00:53:17.320 Thanks for calling

00:53:18.100 about this, man.

00:53:19.400 Yeah, I mean,

00:53:19.740 Mitzi Shore passed away

00:53:21.060 last week

00:53:22.480 or over the weekend.

00:53:24.300 I believe it was Friday.

00:53:25.600 the, um,

00:53:29.300 and I was out of town.

00:53:30.660 I was out of town

00:53:31.740 and I felt,

00:53:33.580 I mean,

00:53:33.940 personally,

00:53:34.360 I felt,

00:53:34.860 the first thought I had

00:53:36.220 was that I felt bad

00:53:36.900 for Paulie.

00:53:38.260 Yeah,

00:53:38.640 and I mean,

00:53:39.100 you know,

00:53:39.460 Paulie's one of,

00:53:40.220 I mean,

00:53:40.420 he's definitely one of a kind.

00:53:41.260 He's the only person

00:53:41.780 that, you know,

00:53:42.420 that grew up

00:53:43.420 just thoroughly

00:53:44.720 in that club.

00:53:45.940 I mean,

00:53:46.100 he has two brothers,

00:53:47.500 Scott and Peter,

00:53:48.860 but, you know,

00:53:49.560 Paulie's just the one

00:53:50.220 that I kind of know.

00:53:50.840 So I just felt,

00:53:52.700 I mean,

00:53:52.960 at first I just felt bad

00:53:53.980 for him as a son.

00:53:55.800 You know,

00:53:56.280 I can't imagine that,

00:53:58.040 uh,

00:53:59.320 I can't imagine like there's,

00:54:01.380 there must be some type

00:54:02.320 of a connection thing

00:54:03.560 that probably happens

00:54:04.420 to a man when their,

00:54:05.640 when their mother passes away.

00:54:08.180 You know,

00:54:08.680 cause that's like your,

00:54:09.540 you know,

00:54:09.880 you guys were connected.

00:54:11.020 That was like your life force

00:54:12.520 and then that's gone.

00:54:15.600 Yeah.

00:54:15.900 You know,

00:54:16.380 I'd love to read up

00:54:17.620 and find out

00:54:18.640 if there's like something

00:54:19.200 that happens in our brains

00:54:20.340 or inside of us

00:54:21.100 when that kind of happens.

00:54:22.940 Um,

00:54:23.100 but yeah,

00:54:23.480 I just felt really,

00:54:24.360 you know,

00:54:24.600 I just felt for Paulie.

00:54:26.360 Um,

00:54:26.760 and then I thought about this,

00:54:27.940 this club,

00:54:28.640 you know,

00:54:28.900 that this lady made this club

00:54:30.140 cause the comedy store

00:54:31.460 changed my life,

00:54:32.880 changed my life

00:54:33.800 more than any building

00:54:35.800 on earth

00:54:36.160 besides the hospital

00:54:36.980 that I was born in.

00:54:38.140 Uh,

00:54:38.540 the comedy store

00:54:39.160 changed my life.

00:54:40.400 I mean,

00:54:40.900 it's a place

00:54:41.480 that has just given me

00:54:42.240 so many opportunities

00:54:43.300 and,

00:54:45.920 um,

00:54:47.120 and I just wouldn't even

00:54:47.900 have the little successes

00:54:48.900 that I have today

00:54:49.800 if it wasn't for there

00:54:50.680 or a lot of the friends

00:54:52.360 that I have.

00:54:53.680 Um,

00:54:54.140 that place has helped me

00:54:54.840 build up confidence

00:54:55.840 on stage

00:54:56.960 which has carried itself

00:54:57.860 off stage.

00:54:59.300 Um,

00:54:59.700 that place also,

00:55:00.500 man,

00:55:00.720 great place to buy

00:55:01.400 some cocaine

00:55:02.100 and party,

00:55:03.240 meet some good

00:55:03.820 place or chill out

00:55:05.200 or cock

00:55:05.880 if you're looking for that

00:55:06.860 and everything.

00:55:08.200 You get anything you want

00:55:09.020 at the comedy store.

00:55:10.900 Um,

00:55:11.300 and to think that this lady

00:55:12.220 started this,

00:55:12.920 a woman started this,

00:55:13.620 it made me think about

00:55:14.100 feminism too at first.

00:55:15.220 I was,

00:55:15.700 I was thinking,

00:55:16.700 man,

00:55:16.800 well,

00:55:16.940 this is the kind

00:55:17.440 of feminism

00:55:17.900 that I've,

00:55:18.860 that I,

00:55:19.640 that makes sense to me

00:55:20.840 is a woman just doing

00:55:22.800 whatever she wants to do.

00:55:24.960 You know,

00:55:25.700 I mean,

00:55:26.800 I mean,

00:55:28.240 people say they can't do this

00:55:29.380 or they can't do that.

00:55:31.140 This woman started

00:55:32.140 one of the greatest

00:55:32.820 comedy clubs in the world,

00:55:34.620 if not thee.

00:55:36.340 And,

00:55:36.900 and this is 40,

00:55:38.240 46 years ago

00:55:39.380 she started it.

00:55:40.400 And it's just been,

00:55:41.940 you know,

00:55:42.380 it's had its ups and downs,

00:55:43.360 but it's,

00:55:44.440 it beat out all the rest.

00:55:47.260 And she was a,

00:55:47.920 you know,

00:55:48.360 she,

00:55:48.720 she controlled the stage.

00:55:50.420 She said who passed

00:55:51.720 and who didn't.

00:55:53.100 I mean,

00:55:53.360 you want to talk about

00:55:53.960 a glass ceiling.

00:55:55.780 There wasn't one.

00:55:57.100 If,

00:55:57.440 if there was,

00:55:58.040 it was,

00:55:58.420 it was a female.

00:55:59.840 You know,

00:56:00.100 she was the one.

00:56:01.700 She was the,

00:56:02.280 she was,

00:56:03.660 you know,

00:56:04.120 that just made me think,

00:56:05.080 wow,

00:56:05.400 I mean,

00:56:05.600 that's the first time

00:56:06.400 I just felt,

00:56:07.760 oh,

00:56:07.860 that's feminism right there.

00:56:09.820 You know,

00:56:10.060 you want to see a woman

00:56:10.760 just do something

00:56:11.680 and at the same time

00:56:13.180 have the natural powers

00:56:14.380 that a woman has.

00:56:15.840 Boom,

00:56:16.260 there you go.

00:56:17.500 You know,

00:56:17.700 that's not talking about it

00:56:18.780 or tweeting about it

00:56:19.640 or making a fucking poster board

00:56:20.840 or something.

00:56:21.340 That's just getting out there

00:56:22.400 and living life

00:56:23.160 and at the same time

00:56:24.520 happening,

00:56:25.220 happening to be a woman.

00:56:29.160 You know,

00:56:29.700 sometimes it just makes it,

00:56:32.180 you know,

00:56:32.720 like Beyonce performed

00:56:33.820 this weekend at Coachella.

00:56:34.860 Do you see that?

00:56:35.780 I did.

00:56:36.320 And she's like the first black person

00:56:38.100 to ever headline Coachella,

00:56:39.740 you know?

00:56:40.640 And to me,

00:56:41.200 it's like,

00:56:41.480 well,

00:56:41.600 who cares?

00:56:43.620 Like,

00:56:43.840 why does it always,

00:56:44.860 it's so strange.

00:56:46.060 Sometimes like,

00:56:47.180 you know,

00:56:47.460 people are like,

00:56:48.080 it's,

00:56:48.560 you know,

00:56:48.880 I'm the first black,

00:56:49.900 I'm the first Asian,

00:56:50.880 I'm the first woman,

00:56:51.820 but I don't know,

00:56:53.500 to me,

00:56:53.860 I guess if I don't think

00:56:54.700 of things like that,

00:56:56.120 then it's like,

00:56:56.900 but then those are

00:56:57.760 the same people

00:56:58.260 where it's like,

00:56:59.260 well,

00:56:59.780 it doesn't matter

00:57:00.940 that I'm black

00:57:01.560 or a woman

00:57:02.060 or I'm Asian.

00:57:04.080 To me,

00:57:04.640 it's just like,

00:57:05.200 why does it always

00:57:05.820 have to be,

00:57:07.640 I don't know,

00:57:08.340 why does it always

00:57:08.720 have to be something?

00:57:09.920 Does that make any sense,

00:57:10.680 Nick?

00:57:11.040 Yeah,

00:57:11.340 pointing out

00:57:12.060 these differences

00:57:13.180 or these first

00:57:13.900 only separate us

00:57:14.880 rather than looking at us

00:57:16.140 all the same people

00:57:17.240 for sure.

00:57:18.400 Yeah,

00:57:19.180 yeah,

00:57:19.600 I guess it's like,

00:57:20.320 yeah,

00:57:20.420 I guess at a certain point

00:57:21.300 some of the stuff

00:57:21.860 feels like,

00:57:22.360 well,

00:57:22.440 it just,

00:57:23.360 does it feel separating?

00:57:24.740 You know,

00:57:27.320 like,

00:57:27.680 oh,

00:57:27.820 I thought it was

00:57:28.440 just awesome

00:57:28.980 because somebody's

00:57:29.740 performing,

00:57:31.660 you know,

00:57:32.020 and now it's like,

00:57:32.740 oh,

00:57:32.940 now it's just a,

00:57:33.700 now it feels like,

00:57:34.460 oh,

00:57:34.540 it's not for everybody.

00:57:38.080 But then I guess,

00:57:39.000 you know,

00:57:39.200 there's this chip

00:57:39.760 on a lot of people's

00:57:40.500 shoulder where there's

00:57:41.080 just,

00:57:41.540 you know,

00:57:41.920 I saw Charlize Theron

00:57:42.860 the other day

00:57:43.180 was talking about how,

00:57:44.240 you know,

00:57:44.420 she didn't know

00:57:44.760 if it's safe

00:57:45.120 to raise her kids

00:57:45.740 in America

00:57:46.240 because of the racism

00:57:47.260 that's here.

00:57:48.860 And I'm,

00:57:49.340 but at the same time,

00:57:50.160 I'm in my hometown

00:57:50.820 this weekend

00:57:51.380 and I specifically asked

00:57:52.980 some of the educators

00:57:54.260 that are at the,

00:57:54.840 the junior high where

00:57:56.800 I went to

00:57:57.200 about race stuff.

00:57:58.400 I was like,

00:57:58.660 what is racial stuff

00:57:59.520 like these days?

00:58:00.440 And they said,

00:58:01.160 it's just,

00:58:01.540 it's nothing like

00:58:02.260 it used to be.

00:58:03.560 You know,

00:58:04.000 and that made me

00:58:04.440 feel pretty good.

00:58:05.580 And isn't Charlize Theron

00:58:06.600 from South Africa

00:58:07.600 like the most racist place?

00:58:09.400 That's a good point.

00:58:11.440 I think we're better

00:58:12.280 than there,

00:58:12.820 to be honest.

00:58:13.380 Yeah.

00:58:13.740 Oh,

00:58:13.880 I definitely think so too.

00:58:15.080 I think it's more,

00:58:15.840 I think she,

00:58:16.240 if she,

00:58:16.500 if she didn't watch

00:58:17.540 the news as much,

00:58:18.400 she would probably,

00:58:19.180 you know,

00:58:19.740 think it was a blast

00:58:20.760 or think it wasn't

00:58:22.720 as bad as she thought

00:58:23.420 it could be.

00:58:24.420 What else we got,

00:58:25.300 Nick?

00:58:26.220 This came in from Layla.

00:58:29.080 Hi, Theo.

00:58:29.920 My name is Layla.

00:58:31.760 Hi, Layla.

00:58:32.340 Thank you for calling.

00:58:33.480 Thank you for calling.

00:58:34.140 Onward.

00:58:34.760 Discovered you

00:58:35.200 through Cyber and Rex

00:58:35.960 and,

00:58:36.560 and then just,

00:58:38.620 it was love at first sight.

00:58:40.680 Anyways,

00:58:41.300 I am currently married

00:58:43.920 and I've been married

00:58:45.580 for about three years.

00:58:47.260 It'll be three years

00:58:48.140 in September.

00:58:49.580 And my husband

00:58:50.400 is a recovering addict

00:58:51.440 and he relapsed

00:58:53.680 this evening.

00:58:54.620 So,

00:58:55.420 I'm home alone

00:58:57.000 and he hasn't come home

00:59:00.020 and I'm worried about him.

00:59:01.600 And he's a,

00:59:02.580 he's a really good man.

00:59:03.880 You know,

00:59:04.400 he's trying.

00:59:05.120 He just started

00:59:06.040 his own business.

00:59:08.240 He just took over

00:59:09.260 a business

00:59:09.660 and apparently

00:59:10.640 the man that,

00:59:11.560 the guy that he took

00:59:12.280 over the business from,

00:59:13.880 he,

00:59:15.340 he does a little bit

00:59:17.580 of the,

00:59:18.100 of the,

00:59:19.500 of the cocaine.

00:59:20.060 He's on that cocaine.

00:59:22.240 And I guess

00:59:23.220 he's been a bad influence

00:59:24.120 on my husband.

00:59:25.200 And,

00:59:25.480 anyways,

00:59:27.140 if anybody could just

00:59:27.980 offer some encouraging

00:59:29.280 words of wisdom.

00:59:30.980 My husband is really

00:59:31.800 a good man.

00:59:32.640 I just don't know

00:59:33.500 really where to go

00:59:34.480 from here.

00:59:35.300 Okay.

00:59:36.520 Well,

00:59:36.920 I appreciate you calling,

00:59:37.880 young lady.

00:59:40.120 Yeah,

00:59:40.620 I can imagine that

00:59:41.360 that's got to be

00:59:41.860 really tough for,

00:59:43.200 for you.

00:59:44.460 You know,

00:59:44.740 if you're dealing

00:59:45.160 with that sort of thing.

00:59:46.840 I know that there is

00:59:47.960 Al-Anon meetings

00:59:48.880 where you can go,

00:59:49.660 you know,

00:59:49.900 if you have a family member

00:59:51.060 or a spouse or whatever

00:59:52.220 that,

00:59:52.760 you know,

00:59:53.360 struggles with addiction,

00:59:54.600 you can go and learn

00:59:55.280 how to deal with them.

00:59:56.040 And I'm sure you know

00:59:56.640 those things.

00:59:57.220 I'm not trying to preach

00:59:57.960 at you.

00:59:58.760 Just trying to share

00:59:59.580 in case there's people

01:00:00.160 out there that don't know

01:00:01.100 that if they are,

01:00:03.260 you know,

01:00:03.660 if they live in a home

01:00:04.520 where there's a,

01:00:05.460 you know,

01:00:05.660 somebody who's an alcoholic

01:00:06.620 or they think they may be,

01:00:08.720 that there's help

01:00:09.320 out there for you.

01:00:10.220 Not the alcoholic.

01:00:11.260 There's help out there

01:00:11.980 for you

01:00:12.560 by going to Al-Anon meetings.

01:00:13.880 Yeah,

01:00:16.340 I'm sorry.

01:00:16.900 I'm sorry your husband's

01:00:17.740 dealing with that.

01:00:18.440 I mean,

01:00:18.620 I worry,

01:00:19.280 you know,

01:00:19.640 it's funny as you're talking,

01:00:20.600 as you're telling me

01:00:21.160 that he relapsed,

01:00:21.760 my first thought was

01:00:22.740 the first thought

01:00:23.380 that bubbled into me,

01:00:24.520 the first,

01:00:25.320 it was jealousy.

01:00:26.900 I was like,

01:00:27.340 fuck,

01:00:27.760 man,

01:00:28.520 I want to be out there.

01:00:30.540 You know,

01:00:30.820 a little bit of,

01:00:31.260 just a little bit of jealousy.

01:00:32.820 Like,

01:00:33.100 damn,

01:00:33.460 lucky guy.

01:00:35.720 And that's the thing in you

01:00:37.020 that makes you want to

01:00:37.840 just go party

01:00:38.620 and do stuff.

01:00:39.840 You know,

01:00:40.120 that's that dark art

01:00:41.120 that's living inside you,

01:00:42.800 man.

01:00:42.980 That's that fucking,

01:00:43.880 you know,

01:00:45.120 that's that medieval Picasso

01:00:47.520 that's inside me

01:00:49.120 just putting paint

01:00:50.300 on everything.

01:00:51.480 You know,

01:00:51.720 just putting dark paint

01:00:52.640 on my insides

01:00:53.500 because he wants me

01:00:54.540 to be dark

01:00:55.560 and he wants me

01:00:56.000 to behave that way.

01:00:57.840 And,

01:00:58.560 you know,

01:00:59.440 I'm sure sitting at home

01:01:00.320 waiting for him

01:01:01.020 is tough.

01:01:03.460 I mean,

01:01:03.780 if you said he has

01:01:04.740 that influence,

01:01:05.540 that's hard.

01:01:06.120 I mean,

01:01:06.580 that's hard.

01:01:09.120 I mean,

01:01:09.560 it's hard to be in a,

01:01:10.880 I don't think I could go

01:01:12.060 into business

01:01:12.520 with somebody

01:01:12.920 who was doing cocaine.

01:01:14.320 I couldn't do it.

01:01:16.080 I'm not preaching

01:01:16.780 at your husband,

01:01:17.260 I couldn't do it.

01:01:18.940 Dude,

01:01:19.160 look,

01:01:19.300 my biggest fear

01:01:19.920 is some fine chick

01:01:20.900 showing up

01:01:21.320 with an eight ball

01:01:22.060 and a,

01:01:22.800 you know,

01:01:23.160 nice looking butthole

01:01:24.220 and that's it.

01:01:25.280 You know,

01:01:25.640 and that's just

01:01:26.220 next thing in,

01:01:26.840 I'm in outer space,

01:01:27.860 son.

01:01:28.740 You know,

01:01:29.020 I'm up there

01:01:29.400 buzz-aldrin

01:01:30.160 around somebody's ass.

01:01:32.220 So,

01:01:32.620 that's one of my

01:01:33.180 biggest fears.

01:01:35.560 So,

01:01:36.440 and it's,

01:01:37.020 plus the stresses

01:01:37.640 of the new business,

01:01:38.680 this and that,

01:01:40.080 I can imagine

01:01:40.740 there's a lot of pressure

01:01:41.360 but I'm sorry

01:01:41.880 you're having to deal

01:01:42.420 with that.

01:01:43.680 You know,

01:01:43.980 I'm sure that it's

01:01:44.540 probably tough

01:01:45.260 and,

01:01:46.220 you know,

01:01:46.380 and I'm sure,

01:01:47.160 you know,

01:01:47.620 you just have to be

01:01:48.200 supportive and you

01:01:48.980 don't want to reprimand,

01:01:50.000 you don't want to

01:01:50.460 probably say too much

01:01:51.600 because you know

01:01:52.040 he already has enough

01:01:52.620 on his plate.

01:01:53.200 But,

01:01:56.000 I'll say this,

01:01:57.540 one amazing thing

01:01:58.780 about that program,

01:01:59.860 the AA program

01:02:00.820 and sobriety is

01:02:01.940 he can always come back.

01:02:04.120 You know,

01:02:04.420 those people,

01:02:04.960 they don't judge you

01:02:05.620 when you walk back

01:02:06.260 into the room.

01:02:06.860 Most people don't know.

01:02:08.320 They don't remember.

01:02:10.060 You know,

01:02:10.520 it's your journey.

01:02:11.420 It's his journey

01:02:12.120 and he can always go back.

01:02:14.680 You know,

01:02:14.920 imagine I'm in a place

01:02:15.640 you can always go to

01:02:17.000 no matter what.

01:02:19.260 I mean,

01:02:19.600 I don't know

01:02:19.900 if I ever felt like

01:02:20.720 sometimes in my life

01:02:21.640 that I had that

01:02:22.480 and that's one thing

01:02:23.840 that those rooms of sobriety

01:02:25.040 offer for people.

01:02:26.860 But,

01:02:27.300 I appreciate you calling

01:02:28.080 and sharing that with us

01:02:29.040 and I hope that

01:02:29.680 he made it home

01:02:30.720 that things are

01:02:31.340 looking in a different

01:02:33.020 direction now.

01:02:34.620 You know,

01:02:34.800 and maybe next time

01:02:35.620 maybe we just recommend

01:02:37.060 that he speak with his sponsor

01:02:38.060 if he's going,

01:02:39.380 you know,

01:02:39.980 into business

01:02:40.920 or what's going on

01:02:41.620 in business circles.

01:02:43.000 Because,

01:02:43.380 yeah,

01:02:43.620 I am so grateful

01:02:45.060 that nobody I know,

01:02:48.000 you know,

01:02:48.520 I see some people

01:02:49.300 sometimes that are

01:02:49.740 running around with the,

01:02:50.660 you can hear it

01:02:51.320 in their pocket.

01:02:51.860 Dude,

01:02:52.560 I can hear a little

01:02:53.160 bag of cocaine

01:02:53.860 from about 80 feet away,

01:02:55.060 son.

01:02:55.620 Damn.

01:02:56.720 Where you at,

01:02:57.700 boy?

01:02:58.980 I can hear that shit.

01:03:01.680 But,

01:03:02.100 thank you for calling,

01:03:02.740 sweetheart.

01:03:03.100 I hope that,

01:03:04.020 I hope it gets better.

01:03:05.180 I'll be thinking of you.

01:03:07.400 Let's hear more,

01:03:08.060 Nick.

01:03:08.200 What else we got?

01:03:09.180 All right,

01:03:09.560 here we go.

01:03:11.280 Hey,

01:03:11.600 Theo,

01:03:11.920 man,

01:03:12.120 this is Dylan

01:03:12.660 from Texas.

01:03:13.960 All right,

01:03:14.460 thank you for calling,

01:03:15.140 Dylan.

01:03:16.880 And,

01:03:17.280 but I had a question

01:03:19.160 for you about

01:03:19.900 alcoholism.

01:03:22.120 I'm 25,

01:03:23.160 I got a college degree.

01:03:25.700 I,

01:03:26.060 I got a degree

01:03:26.960 in welding,

01:03:27.560 I weld pipe.

01:03:28.560 Oh,

01:03:28.860 damn,

01:03:29.200 boy,

01:03:29.420 you that fitter,

01:03:30.140 huh?

01:03:30.660 Get that fitter.

01:03:32.800 You that pipe fitter,

01:03:33.940 dude.

01:03:34.880 I used to know a dude,

01:03:35.900 he used to go welding

01:03:36.640 underwater,

01:03:37.300 that was his thing.

01:03:38.000 He worked for like

01:03:38.540 the oil rig,

01:03:39.180 and he'd be out there

01:03:39.740 fucking just welding

01:03:40.580 all kind of shit

01:03:41.240 underwater.

01:03:42.800 I'm like,

01:03:43.220 dude,

01:03:43.360 are you sure

01:03:43.820 that you have

01:03:44.220 a real job?

01:03:45.620 Because that sounds

01:03:46.400 fictional,

01:03:47.140 man.

01:03:47.340 I don't even know

01:03:47.660 how that would work.

01:03:48.740 Let's hear more.

01:03:49.660 ...company,

01:03:50.840 and it's,

01:03:51.620 I take care of my girl

01:03:52.660 and our four-year-old son,

01:03:54.900 and we got a house

01:03:56.680 and all that,

01:03:57.080 but it's real stressful,

01:03:58.160 man,

01:03:58.340 so what I've been doing

01:03:59.700 is go get a six-pack

01:04:01.740 and two little airplane

01:04:03.160 bottles of whiskey

01:04:04.120 every day.

01:04:06.200 And right now,

01:04:07.020 I'm sitting in my garage

01:04:07.760 and drinking beer,

01:04:08.860 and I used to do drugs

01:04:11.040 and all that,

01:04:11.640 and I used to do other stuff,

01:04:13.040 but I just wonder,

01:04:14.640 man,

01:04:15.240 do you think

01:04:16.540 that that's alcoholism?

01:04:17.780 Because I drink

01:04:18.280 every day,

01:04:19.680 and two,

01:04:20.380 I limited,

01:04:21.300 I limited myself

01:04:22.200 to a six-pack

01:04:22.900 and two shots,

01:04:24.600 but I just wonder

01:04:25.780 if that's going to be

01:04:26.440 something more.

01:04:29.420 Well,

01:04:29.880 look,

01:04:30.000 man,

01:04:30.160 you used to do drugs,

01:04:31.280 you said,

01:04:31.620 and other things.

01:04:32.560 I don't even know

01:04:32.920 what that is,

01:04:33.820 you know,

01:04:34.220 fucking juggling,

01:04:35.160 throwing knives

01:04:35.760 at your neighbors.

01:04:36.460 I mean,

01:04:36.680 anything,

01:04:37.320 that could be anything,

01:04:38.900 you know,

01:04:39.340 burying people

01:04:40.060 you just met.

01:04:40.960 I don't fucking know,

01:04:41.780 but only you know

01:04:45.600 that answer.

01:04:47.260 I can't tell you

01:04:48.160 if you're an alcoholic.

01:04:48.860 You could drink

01:04:49.600 a pint of gin a day.

01:04:51.060 I don't even know

01:04:51.340 how much a pint is

01:04:52.120 or six pints,

01:04:53.400 and you might be,

01:04:54.640 you might not.

01:04:56.340 You know,

01:04:56.520 there's functioning alcoholism.

01:04:58.920 The thing that I noticed

01:04:59.920 for me is

01:05:00.980 that I use it

01:05:02.800 as an,

01:05:03.280 the biggest thing

01:05:04.480 that I recognize

01:05:05.220 in hindsight

01:05:06.100 of having,

01:05:06.800 and having taken

01:05:08.140 a respite

01:05:08.720 from drinking,

01:05:09.840 coming up

01:05:10.240 on two years here

01:05:11.160 of drinking,

01:05:12.260 no drinking or drugs,

01:05:13.420 is that I use,

01:05:14.760 I used alcohol

01:05:15.980 as an escape,

01:05:17.660 you know,

01:05:17.940 or I use cocaine

01:05:18.740 as an escape.

01:05:19.520 That's the thing.

01:05:20.760 Something I've learned

01:05:21.700 is that

01:05:22.220 now I'm facing

01:05:24.500 more things,

01:05:25.340 and I've learned

01:05:26.360 that my life

01:05:26.940 is therefore

01:05:27.440 advancing more.

01:05:29.100 Because for me,

01:05:30.600 I wasn't really

01:05:31.620 addicted to a drug

01:05:32.760 or an alcohol.

01:05:33.360 I was addicted

01:05:34.780 to not wanting

01:05:35.900 to see myself.

01:05:39.200 I was addicted

01:05:39.940 to not wanting

01:05:40.680 to feel my feelings.

01:05:43.380 And so when it came

01:05:44.940 moments where I felt

01:05:45.960 like I needed to

01:05:46.860 or I was about to,

01:05:48.700 then I would,

01:05:49.320 I would resort

01:05:50.580 to doing a drug.

01:05:52.720 You know,

01:05:53.360 and so that's what

01:05:53.880 it did for me.

01:05:54.520 And so I find now

01:05:55.300 that I don't do that,

01:05:56.480 that I don't have

01:05:57.080 that escape,

01:05:58.480 that I battle more.

01:05:59.800 Like when things

01:06:00.480 come up,

01:06:01.040 instead of being like,

01:06:01.660 oh fuck,

01:06:02.200 I'll just have a B.

01:06:03.360 You know,

01:06:03.920 then I find that,

01:06:04.760 oh now,

01:06:05.380 when things come up,

01:06:06.940 I battle that thing.

01:06:08.780 And I learn to figure

01:06:10.000 the thing out.

01:06:11.820 And if I can't figure it out,

01:06:13.320 then now I have people

01:06:14.500 that I can call,

01:06:15.920 that I can say,

01:06:16.500 hey I have this issue,

01:06:17.920 what would you do?

01:06:19.260 And they've been in the program

01:06:20.320 for 10 years

01:06:21.060 or 20 years.

01:06:21.980 And they'll say,

01:06:22.500 oh this is what

01:06:23.580 I learned to do.

01:06:24.940 And then I do

01:06:25.740 what they learn sometimes.

01:06:27.660 And then that's how

01:06:28.760 my life gets better.

01:06:30.140 Because I'm not thinking

01:06:30.900 for myself.

01:06:31.600 and I'm not escaping

01:06:32.920 my issues.

01:06:33.860 Now I'm not saying

01:06:34.620 you have issues.

01:06:35.560 You may not.

01:06:37.340 You may not.

01:06:38.560 But if you find that

01:06:40.000 you're escaping things

01:06:42.360 and that's why you drank,

01:06:43.840 then you may.

01:06:45.100 Only you know.

01:06:46.080 I can't tell you

01:06:46.780 if you're an alcoholic.

01:06:47.560 Only you know.

01:06:48.420 And I'm not going to

01:06:49.020 accuse you of being one.

01:06:50.440 You might be that dude.

01:06:52.860 Who's the guy on,

01:06:53.640 Nick on that cartoon

01:06:56.140 where they all drink

01:06:56.960 outside of the house?

01:06:58.440 King of the Hill?

01:06:59.240 Yeah.

01:06:59.700 Hank Hill?

01:07:00.420 Yeah, Hank Hill.

01:07:01.240 You might be the main star, dude.

01:07:03.420 I don't know his name.

01:07:04.260 Who's in,

01:07:04.700 Broomauer.

01:07:05.240 What's that guy's name?

01:07:06.300 Broomauer, yeah.

01:07:07.200 Broomauer.

01:07:08.600 Okay.

01:07:09.280 I can't do any of it.

01:07:12.860 Okay, Hank.

01:07:14.340 Dude, I was trying to work on a,

01:07:15.520 Jay Moore did Norm MacDonald.

01:07:19.140 I was trying to work on that.

01:07:21.620 Well, the thing about funerals,

01:07:25.460 coming along a little.

01:07:26.540 Yeah, you're getting,

01:07:27.480 it's much better

01:07:28.120 than your first attempt

01:07:29.120 on the Jay Moore episode.

01:07:30.680 Yeah, that's true.

01:07:31.980 The thing about funerals,

01:07:36.380 somebody's dead.

01:07:38.540 I gotta work on it.

01:07:40.560 What else we got?

01:07:42.000 On April 12th,

01:07:42.960 state lawmakers in Louisiana

01:07:44.560 passed a bill

01:07:45.380 making it illegal

01:07:46.180 for a human to have sex

01:07:47.400 with an animal.

01:07:48.280 There you go.

01:07:49.540 Lawmakers passed the vote

01:07:50.740 122 to 6.

01:07:52.480 Okay, there you go.

01:07:53.300 So six people voted no on that.

01:07:56.100 Which seems bizarre,

01:07:57.580 but I'm gonna tell you

01:07:59.440 why six people would vote no.

01:08:02.380 Yes.

01:08:03.240 If you are doing sexual actions

01:08:05.840 with a animal

01:08:08.400 that is a small animal,

01:08:10.940 you know,

01:08:11.220 or an animal that isn't fast,

01:08:13.440 then yeah,

01:08:14.460 you should go to jail.

01:08:15.360 Okay, this stuff,

01:08:16.700 this stuff with Bichons

01:08:17.960 and, you know,

01:08:19.160 river rats

01:08:19.820 or whatever,

01:08:20.220 all that stops now.

01:08:21.640 But if you are

01:08:23.940 fucking a cheetah

01:08:26.340 in the wild

01:08:27.720 or a lynx

01:08:28.860 or a mountain cat,

01:08:33.120 you are never buying

01:08:35.720 a beer again

01:08:36.820 as far as I'm concerned.

01:08:38.060 You're a hero.

01:08:39.060 That's not bestiality.

01:08:40.620 Some dude is dating

01:08:41.800 a fucking white wolf.

01:08:43.800 That's not bestiality, guy.

01:08:45.540 Okay, lawmakers.

01:08:46.380 That guy is a damn

01:08:48.960 American icon.

01:08:51.080 That guy,

01:08:52.260 you put that on YouTube,

01:08:54.140 game over.

01:08:56.520 Okay?

01:08:57.300 Views central.

01:08:59.640 I'm telling you this,

01:09:00.760 if I meet a man

01:09:01.760 who's been making love

01:09:03.400 to a wolf in the wild,

01:09:05.380 that man eats for free

01:09:07.040 by my house.

01:09:08.480 I'm talking free everything,

01:09:09.840 free meat,

01:09:10.360 free tots,

01:09:11.000 free everything

01:09:11.700 by me.

01:09:13.480 So that's my

01:09:14.380 bestiality thoughts.

01:09:16.200 Let's take another call,

01:09:17.380 Nick.

01:09:17.540 What do we got?

01:09:18.640 All right.

01:09:21.500 Hey, Theo.

01:09:22.900 This is CJ from Dallas.

01:09:24.860 Just last Friday,

01:09:27.160 I had OD'd

01:09:28.100 on fentanyl and heroin.

01:09:31.740 And I am now going to be

01:09:33.400 being shipped off

01:09:34.360 to Jacksonville, Florida,

01:09:36.520 Duval County.

01:09:37.460 Duval!

01:09:38.700 This Saturday

01:09:39.540 to be in an

01:09:41.320 inpatient rehab

01:09:42.340 center for the following

01:09:43.280 three months.

01:09:45.760 I've been a big follower

01:09:46.940 of this past weekend

01:09:47.800 for about a year now.

01:09:49.180 I made a tissue

01:09:49.800 out in Aspen

01:09:50.560 last August

01:09:51.360 and got myself

01:09:53.760 a journal

01:09:54.260 and I'm really anxious

01:09:56.100 regarding these

01:09:56.780 next three months

01:09:57.500 and just how to

01:09:58.680 fill the time

01:09:59.300 in my day

01:09:59.800 at this fucking

01:10:00.420 rehab center.

01:10:01.700 You know,

01:10:02.240 I really don't want

01:10:03.220 to be stuck

01:10:03.760 with a roommate

01:10:04.260 who talks to the wall

01:10:05.840 all night

01:10:06.260 and cheeks his meds

01:10:07.700 and shit like that.

01:10:11.160 Shit can be weird.

01:10:12.640 But I guess

01:10:13.460 I was just hoping

01:10:14.080 to get some advice

01:10:14.920 on what to do.

01:10:16.580 You know,

01:10:16.780 I'm going to be

01:10:17.180 disconnected from technology.

01:10:18.660 Good, man.

01:10:20.780 Well,

01:10:20.920 I think

01:10:21.120 you got to be.

01:10:22.980 You know,

01:10:23.180 I think honestly

01:10:23.820 one thing

01:10:24.220 that's not good

01:10:26.400 for me right now

01:10:27.080 is sometimes

01:10:28.720 it's too much

01:10:29.220 technology for me

01:10:30.080 to even get

01:10:30.540 through some

01:10:30.900 of my own program.

01:10:32.600 You know,

01:10:32.840 I have to start

01:10:33.260 making more room

01:10:33.980 in my life

01:10:35.100 for my program,

01:10:36.280 my 12 steps

01:10:37.100 and my sobriety,

01:10:37.900 that sort of thing.

01:10:39.360 But dude,

01:10:39.740 if you're going

01:10:40.060 into treatment,

01:10:40.760 I promise you

01:10:41.800 they will surround

01:10:42.920 you with things

01:10:43.440 to do.

01:10:44.740 You know,

01:10:45.560 just listen

01:10:46.940 for the similarities

01:10:47.760 not the differences.

01:10:48.780 That's what I hear.

01:10:50.380 And just get,

01:10:52.000 you know,

01:10:53.060 just,

01:10:53.840 I don't know.

01:10:54.500 I can't tell you

01:10:55.140 anything to do

01:10:55.900 because I don't

01:10:56.200 really know.

01:10:57.780 You know,

01:10:58.160 I just know that

01:10:59.300 at the core

01:11:01.920 of me

01:11:03.560 and at the core

01:11:05.380 of everyone,

01:11:06.000 I bet there's

01:11:06.700 something that

01:11:07.440 they want you

01:11:08.280 to feel better.

01:11:10.680 So,

01:11:11.920 and you want

01:11:12.780 to be well.

01:11:13.340 Somewhere inside

01:11:14.180 of you,

01:11:14.480 there's a part

01:11:14.920 of you that

01:11:15.240 really,

01:11:15.900 really wants

01:11:16.300 to be well

01:11:17.020 so that it

01:11:18.200 can do well.

01:11:20.720 You know,

01:11:21.040 that for me

01:11:22.480 is the worst

01:11:23.600 part sometimes

01:11:24.500 is,

01:11:25.320 you know,

01:11:26.340 is knowing

01:11:26.960 that when

01:11:28.080 I don't treat

01:11:28.560 myself good,

01:11:29.720 that myself

01:11:30.640 isn't able

01:11:31.220 to do its

01:11:31.700 best work.

01:11:33.540 You know,

01:11:34.180 that's the toughest

01:11:34.760 thing for me

01:11:35.400 sometimes.

01:11:36.820 But you'll be

01:11:37.720 busy,

01:11:38.100 you'll meet

01:11:38.360 a lot of

01:11:38.720 friends.

01:11:39.040 Look,

01:11:39.180 if you're

01:11:39.400 willing to

01:11:39.740 call in here,

01:11:40.960 I bet you'll

01:11:41.500 be willing

01:11:41.860 to speak to

01:11:42.500 others and

01:11:43.820 see what's

01:11:44.220 going on.

01:11:45.680 And I'm glad

01:11:46.060 you made it

01:11:46.460 back out in

01:11:47.140 Addison.

01:11:47.720 And I wish

01:11:48.100 you well in

01:11:48.520 the three months

01:11:49.120 and hit me up

01:11:49.880 when you get

01:11:50.200 out.

01:11:50.360 When I come

01:11:50.700 to Addison

01:11:51.080 again,

01:11:51.340 I'm going to

01:11:51.480 try to schedule

01:11:51.920 some dates.

01:11:52.460 I'll get you

01:11:52.820 some tickets,

01:11:53.540 man.

01:11:54.100 Be my guest.

01:11:54.820 We'll hit an

01:11:55.160 AA meeting

01:11:55.620 down there

01:11:55.960 together,

01:11:56.340 dude.

01:11:56.480 That'd be

01:11:56.720 dope.

01:11:57.320 I went to

01:11:57.700 one not far

01:11:58.360 from the club

01:11:59.560 last time I

01:12:00.140 was there.

01:12:00.920 So we'll hit

01:12:01.620 a room,

01:12:02.080 man.

01:12:02.200 You stay in

01:12:02.940 those three

01:12:03.300 months,

01:12:03.640 man.

01:12:03.760 We'll hit a

01:12:04.120 meeting when

01:12:04.420 you get out.

01:12:04.900 So I'll put

01:12:05.960 that on the

01:12:06.400 table for you.

01:12:07.660 What else we

01:12:08.200 got, Nick?

01:12:08.640 Anything else?

01:12:09.920 Yes, one

01:12:10.780 more call.

01:12:11.780 All right.

01:12:12.380 Sorry I'm just

01:12:13.000 brushing through

01:12:13.520 these tonight,

01:12:14.020 guys.

01:12:14.300 I'm just,

01:12:15.840 man, I'm just

01:12:18.140 feeling tired.

01:12:19.600 All right,

01:12:19.980 let's take

01:12:20.340 another call.

01:12:21.520 Hey, man,

01:12:22.060 I'm calling to

01:12:22.680 talk about an

01:12:23.380 issue we got

01:12:24.080 going on down

01:12:24.820 here in Houston,

01:12:26.920 motherfucking

01:12:27.660 Texas.

01:12:29.180 Okay.

01:12:30.580 Yeah, I mean,

01:12:31.400 they should call

01:12:31.960 it that, dude.

01:12:32.600 Houston is,

01:12:33.200 uh, it's,

01:12:34.180 it's quite a

01:12:34.640 place.

01:12:34.980 Let's hear

01:12:35.260 more.

01:12:36.400 Right.

01:12:37.080 We got it.

01:12:37.760 We got a

01:12:38.220 thing down

01:12:38.680 here called

01:12:39.460 the sissy

01:12:40.580 shoulder syndrome,

01:12:42.320 right?

01:12:42.720 Okay, the

01:12:43.300 sissy, what did

01:12:44.180 he say?

01:12:44.620 Yeah, sissy

01:12:45.380 shoulder syndrome.

01:12:46.620 Sissy shoulder

01:12:47.440 syndrome.

01:12:48.140 Okay, let's

01:12:48.560 hear about it.

01:12:49.380 Right, the

01:12:49.720 triple S.

01:12:51.020 What's going

01:12:51.440 on down here?

01:12:52.240 Dudes stop,

01:12:53.280 they don't

01:12:53.640 exercise.

01:12:54.840 And the

01:12:55.220 reason is

01:12:56.320 because fucking

01:12:57.540 internet dating,

01:12:58.980 man.

01:12:59.920 Because dudes

01:13:00.820 don't have to

01:13:01.480 go out and

01:13:02.180 attract women,

01:13:03.200 in the field,

01:13:04.920 they get to

01:13:05.920 put on a

01:13:06.440 pretty ass,

01:13:07.320 like a pretty

01:13:07.840 ass shirt and

01:13:08.940 a nice little

01:13:09.820 flak jacket like

01:13:10.900 they're in the

01:13:11.320 fucking army and

01:13:12.780 take some

01:13:13.420 pictures and put

01:13:14.140 a filter and

01:13:14.820 throw that shit

01:13:15.360 up on the

01:13:15.820 internet.

01:13:16.740 And then they

01:13:18.340 get to sit

01:13:19.000 there, sort

01:13:20.520 through all the

01:13:21.140 women, and

01:13:22.360 then when they

01:13:23.140 actually do go

01:13:23.940 out in public,

01:13:25.200 they got a tip

01:13:26.500 on their shoulder

01:13:27.100 against women,

01:13:28.480 and that leaves

01:13:29.100 them depressed,

01:13:30.000 and then they

01:13:30.340 for sure ain't

01:13:31.240 gonna try to do

01:13:31.900 a fucking push

01:13:32.660 up.

01:13:33.200 And this

01:13:33.680 all culminates

01:13:34.900 into the

01:13:36.540 50 shoulder

01:13:38.100 syndrome.

01:13:39.600 What is he

01:13:40.020 saying?

01:13:40.300 He's saying

01:13:40.720 that men,

01:13:41.740 they don't do

01:13:42.560 any push-ups

01:13:43.180 or work out

01:13:43.780 because they

01:13:44.120 don't have to

01:13:44.700 because they

01:13:45.700 don't have to

01:13:46.020 approach in the

01:13:47.080 wild anymore

01:13:47.720 like they used

01:13:48.340 to and try to

01:13:50.080 look their best.

01:13:51.520 So instead,

01:13:52.540 they can date

01:13:53.540 online,

01:13:54.740 and they can

01:13:55.380 just make

01:13:56.340 themselves look

01:13:57.060 as good as

01:13:57.540 they want,

01:13:58.000 certain angles

01:13:58.600 and stuff.

01:13:59.580 Either sex

01:14:00.460 can,

01:14:01.160 and then

01:14:01.740 that way

01:14:02.560 whenever they

01:14:02.980 do meet

01:14:03.440 the women

01:14:04.060 in person,

01:14:05.140 then what

01:14:05.780 was he

01:14:06.260 saying?

01:14:08.120 I guess

01:14:08.860 they eventually

01:14:09.520 get rejected,

01:14:10.500 which sends

01:14:10.960 them into a

01:14:11.680 spiral.

01:14:12.340 Okay,

01:14:12.780 so they get

01:14:13.280 rejected because

01:14:13.920 they're not

01:14:14.420 in shape.

01:14:16.120 Yeah,

01:14:16.480 and then it's

01:14:17.360 just a self-fulfilling

01:14:18.460 prophecy.

01:14:19.560 They're depressed

01:14:19.980 so they don't

01:14:20.460 work out.

01:14:21.280 And they're

01:14:21.780 depressed so they

01:14:22.140 don't work out.

01:14:22.840 So this dude

01:14:23.360 might be a gym

01:14:23.920 teacher,

01:14:24.260 this guy might

01:14:24.620 be selling

01:14:25.100 gym memberships.

01:14:27.860 Do I think

01:14:28.400 that,

01:14:28.800 I mean,

01:14:29.040 I was with him

01:14:30.220 for half of it.

01:14:31.480 You know,

01:14:31.740 that man that,

01:14:32.460 yeah,

01:14:32.660 it's like it is

01:14:33.240 different.

01:14:34.120 I mean,

01:14:34.320 times are

01:14:34.760 different.

01:14:35.540 It's like you

01:14:36.540 don't have to,

01:14:38.600 we don't have

01:14:39.340 to,

01:14:40.160 everything is,

01:14:40.820 it's so electronic

01:14:41.780 now and so fast

01:14:43.280 that it's baffling.

01:14:44.700 Like you don't,

01:14:45.240 it's,

01:14:45.700 you don't have

01:14:46.480 to do those

01:14:47.980 things now to

01:14:48.760 attract the

01:14:49.360 opposite sex as

01:14:50.240 much.

01:14:51.300 But you,

01:14:51.960 you still have

01:14:52.640 to show up in

01:14:53.260 person at some

01:14:54.000 point.

01:14:54.960 In most places

01:14:56.020 anyway.

01:14:56.420 In LA,

01:14:56.920 I don't even

01:14:57.260 know if it

01:14:57.600 matters.

01:14:57.920 I mean,

01:14:58.040 two people

01:14:58.380 could probably

01:14:58.740 get,

01:14:59.120 well,

01:14:59.560 I'm sure

01:14:59.960 there are

01:15:00.220 a couple

01:15:00.340 people out

01:15:00.680 there that

01:15:00.900 are married

01:15:01.260 right now

01:15:01.560 that have

01:15:01.820 never even

01:15:02.240 met.

01:15:03.560 But in

01:15:04.740 the rest

01:15:05.580 of America,

01:15:06.820 like that

01:15:07.220 stuff's not

01:15:07.660 flying.

01:15:08.940 Like I know,

01:15:09.780 you know,

01:15:10.080 some of the

01:15:10.400 places I was

01:15:10.860 in this past

01:15:11.420 weekend in

01:15:11.860 Louisiana,

01:15:12.940 you talk

01:15:13.560 about,

01:15:14.600 you know,

01:15:15.100 some,

01:15:15.680 you know,

01:15:16.100 some people,

01:15:16.660 some people don't

01:15:16.980 even have

01:15:17.260 Netflix.

01:15:17.740 A lot of

01:15:20.920 it's just

01:15:21.760 what they

01:15:22.160 did growing

01:15:22.700 up.

01:15:23.100 It's what

01:15:23.400 they know.

01:15:24.740 You know,

01:15:24.980 some of

01:15:25.220 those people

01:15:25.580 like a

01:15:26.940 big star

01:15:27.560 that were

01:15:27.860 say like

01:15:28.440 a comedian

01:15:29.900 say like

01:15:30.620 John Mulaney

01:15:31.400 who's a

01:15:31.800 popular

01:15:32.100 comedian.

01:15:32.940 He might

01:15:33.620 sell 30

01:15:34.260 tickets,

01:15:34.800 but you

01:15:35.060 send Dave

01:15:35.660 Coulier

01:15:36.100 there from

01:15:36.660 Full House

01:15:37.320 and he'll

01:15:37.920 sell it

01:15:38.400 out.

01:15:39.680 It's just,

01:15:40.480 you know,

01:15:40.740 some places

01:15:41.420 it's just,

01:15:42.080 they kind of

01:15:42.460 stick to what

01:15:42.980 they know.

01:15:44.160 So some

01:15:44.600 places it's

01:15:45.240 not that

01:15:45.620 internet dating

01:15:46.240 thing.

01:15:46.920 And there

01:15:47.400 isn't a

01:15:47.780 sissy

01:15:48.040 shoulder

01:15:48.380 syndrome.

01:15:49.080 It's you

01:15:49.560 still gotta,

01:15:50.240 you know,

01:15:50.920 you still

01:15:51.480 gotta puff

01:15:52.000 up and

01:15:52.380 do those

01:15:52.720 old puffer

01:15:53.620 fish antics

01:15:54.460 and get

01:15:55.300 out there

01:15:55.780 and meet

01:15:56.080 a lady.

01:15:57.540 And it,

01:15:57.840 you know,

01:15:58.020 some of

01:15:58.320 that's

01:15:58.520 much more

01:15:59.020 traditional.

01:16:00.080 It's what

01:16:00.560 we used

01:16:01.160 to do

01:16:01.740 in America

01:16:02.580 and what

01:16:02.800 we still

01:16:03.200 do in

01:16:03.520 some places,

01:16:04.480 but it

01:16:05.260 is evolving.

01:16:06.480 You know,

01:16:06.860 you get into

01:16:07.240 some of

01:16:07.460 these other

01:16:07.700 places and

01:16:08.200 yeah,

01:16:09.120 like who

01:16:09.600 you are

01:16:10.040 is becoming

01:16:10.660 more

01:16:10.980 electronic.

01:16:13.040 Is it

01:16:13.580 good?

01:16:13.960 I don't

01:16:14.140 know.

01:16:14.900 I don't

01:16:15.160 think it

01:16:15.740 is.

01:16:16.140 It's not

01:16:16.540 good for

01:16:16.860 humans.

01:16:18.200 I mean,

01:16:18.760 I think

01:16:19.080 that that's

01:16:19.500 some of the

01:16:19.780 stuff you

01:16:20.080 see with

01:16:20.460 Trump,

01:16:20.800 he has

01:16:20.980 like this

01:16:21.220 old mindset,

01:16:22.260 you know,

01:16:22.540 in a little

01:16:23.300 bit of a

01:16:23.680 way.

01:16:24.740 And in

01:16:24.980 some ways,

01:16:25.820 I like

01:16:26.260 some of

01:16:26.680 it because

01:16:27.040 it seems

01:16:29.960 like there's

01:16:30.280 some humanity

01:16:30.980 to it.

01:16:33.660 Whereas

01:16:34.060 sometimes it's

01:16:35.160 like,

01:16:35.800 I don't

01:16:36.480 know,

01:16:37.040 maybe Trump

01:16:37.620 has anything

01:16:37.920 to do with

01:16:38.180 it,

01:16:38.260 but it's

01:16:38.480 like,

01:16:39.180 we just,

01:16:40.200 sometimes I

01:16:40.680 want us

01:16:41.900 to shut

01:16:42.360 down some

01:16:42.800 of this

01:16:42.980 electronic

01:16:43.540 shit.

01:16:44.600 And it'd

01:16:45.100 be nice to

01:16:45.620 just be

01:16:46.000 humans again.

01:16:48.160 I mean,

01:16:48.440 I feel like

01:16:48.700 we're quickly

01:16:49.100 not becoming

01:16:49.720 humans.

01:16:50.080 Do you feel

01:16:50.340 like that,

01:16:50.680 Nick?

01:16:50.880 Or,

01:16:51.120 I mean,

01:16:51.400 do you think

01:16:52.000 I'm crazy?

01:16:52.560 And that's

01:16:52.840 fine if you

01:16:53.220 do.

01:16:53.800 No,

01:16:54.180 seriously,

01:16:54.640 I think

01:16:55.020 WALL-E,

01:16:56.580 the movie,

01:16:57.180 is like a

01:16:57.640 perfect

01:16:57.920 representation

01:16:58.460 of where

01:16:58.960 we're headed.

01:16:59.600 We're all

01:16:59.960 just sitting

01:17:00.380 on these

01:17:00.760 carts that

01:17:01.260 move us.

01:17:02.020 We get

01:17:02.280 fed just

01:17:02.880 from our

01:17:03.180 pods,

01:17:03.720 everything.

01:17:04.960 We don't

01:17:05.440 have to

01:17:05.700 leave our

01:17:05.940 house.

01:17:06.240 I left

01:17:06.700 my cord,

01:17:07.540 computer cord,

01:17:08.540 for my

01:17:09.460 laptop in

01:17:10.100 Santa Monica,

01:17:10.860 and I just

01:17:11.180 had an Uber

01:17:11.640 driver pick

01:17:12.280 it up,

01:17:12.620 and he sent

01:17:13.060 it to me.

01:17:13.720 Like,

01:17:14.240 you don't

01:17:19.720 the other

01:17:19.980 day,

01:17:20.100 everybody's

01:17:20.280 just on

01:17:20.540 their phone,

01:17:21.020 they're moving

01:17:21.400 forward on

01:17:21.900 an escalator,

01:17:22.760 and it's

01:17:23.360 just like,

01:17:23.840 wow,

01:17:24.180 we're almost

01:17:25.700 just being

01:17:26.120 carried around

01:17:26.920 by these

01:17:27.320 machines and

01:17:28.860 dropped off.

01:17:30.140 At a certain

01:17:30.840 point,

01:17:31.100 I wonder,

01:17:31.460 will we become

01:17:32.140 a burden

01:17:32.700 to the

01:17:33.080 machines?

01:17:34.900 Sometimes I

01:17:35.880 kind of think

01:17:36.880 it's not as

01:17:37.540 bad either,

01:17:38.320 because I've

01:17:39.160 seen this

01:17:39.620 picture that

01:17:40.500 went viral a

01:17:41.640 few times,

01:17:42.380 and it's

01:17:43.020 people on a

01:17:44.100 bus now,

01:17:44.780 everybody

01:17:45.040 staring at

01:17:45.660 their phones,

01:17:46.840 but then side

01:17:47.580 by side with

01:17:48.520 people on the

01:17:49.060 bus in the

01:17:49.580 1950s,

01:17:50.520 and every

01:17:51.320 single person

01:17:52.100 has their

01:17:52.660 nose buried

01:17:53.560 in a

01:17:54.020 newspaper.

01:17:55.020 So it's

01:17:55.340 not like,

01:17:56.220 it's just a

01:17:56.780 different medium

01:17:57.560 to avoid

01:17:58.200 human interaction,

01:17:59.720 it's just much,

01:18:00.500 much easier now.

01:18:02.140 Do you think

01:18:02.840 human interaction

01:18:03.500 is becoming

01:18:04.680 less of a

01:18:05.240 necessity?

01:18:06.640 That's what I

01:18:07.100 wonder.

01:18:07.860 I think you

01:18:08.760 always need

01:18:09.460 human companionship,

01:18:10.920 touch,

01:18:11.460 actually talking

01:18:12.120 to someone

01:18:12.420 face to face,

01:18:13.100 I think that's

01:18:13.700 a human

01:18:14.500 necessity

01:18:15.020 always.

01:18:16.320 Yeah,

01:18:16.580 I agree.

01:18:18.100 I find what I

01:18:18.800 get from

01:18:19.120 human interaction

01:18:20.740 and I

01:18:21.300 didn't get

01:18:21.740 for a while

01:18:22.340 because I

01:18:22.600 spent a lot

01:18:23.080 of time

01:18:23.460 just in bed,

01:18:24.660 about a decade

01:18:25.320 really,

01:18:25.800 a lot of my

01:18:26.200 time just in

01:18:26.860 bed,

01:18:27.160 not meeting

01:18:27.820 other people

01:18:28.400 or interacting.

01:18:30.900 I don't get a

01:18:32.240 reflection of

01:18:32.920 who I am.

01:18:34.900 And when I'm

01:18:35.780 out and about

01:18:36.240 and I say

01:18:36.760 hey to somebody

01:18:37.420 and I smile

01:18:39.820 at them or

01:18:40.260 something and

01:18:40.560 they say hey

01:18:40.960 back to me

01:18:41.480 and I know

01:18:42.380 that I can

01:18:43.500 tell I'm not a

01:18:45.940 bad person,

01:18:47.060 maybe I hold

01:18:48.500 the door for

01:18:48.880 someone or

01:18:49.420 I just be

01:18:51.220 kind to the

01:18:51.760 nurse at the

01:18:52.160 doctor's office

01:18:52.920 or just

01:18:55.840 something where

01:18:56.400 I interact with

01:18:57.000 other people,

01:18:57.800 I get a vibe

01:18:58.640 for who I am,

01:18:59.400 I get a

01:18:59.680 reflection from

01:19:01.160 them,

01:19:02.260 off of them,

01:19:03.400 of who I am.

01:19:05.680 And usually

01:19:06.280 it's an okay

01:19:06.900 one.

01:19:07.400 Usually it's

01:19:07.920 like oh okay,

01:19:08.660 I'm not a bad

01:19:09.200 person.

01:19:09.980 I just talked

01:19:10.600 to somebody,

01:19:11.160 nobody fought,

01:19:11.900 everything was

01:19:12.400 comfortable,

01:19:12.860 it was cool.

01:19:13.380 I just walked

01:19:15.960 into the

01:19:16.280 building,

01:19:16.640 that girl

01:19:16.920 smiled at me

01:19:17.500 or that man

01:19:18.120 smiled and I

01:19:18.840 smiled back and

01:19:19.760 everything seems

01:19:20.640 pretty cool,

01:19:21.200 I'm okay,

01:19:22.140 I'm going through

01:19:22.860 the day all

01:19:23.360 right.

01:19:24.240 But when you

01:19:24.820 don't do that

01:19:25.680 or when I

01:19:26.280 didn't do that,

01:19:27.280 I wouldn't get

01:19:27.760 a reflection of

01:19:28.480 myself.

01:19:29.280 You get stuck

01:19:29.980 inside and then

01:19:30.900 you're not getting

01:19:31.900 that feedback from

01:19:33.260 people that let

01:19:33.780 you know that

01:19:34.260 you are doing

01:19:34.960 okay,

01:19:35.560 you're okay.

01:19:37.800 And so then

01:19:38.400 my brain would

01:19:39.620 start to be like

01:19:40.200 oh you're

01:19:40.620 fucking up,

01:19:41.660 you're not a

01:19:42.240 good person

01:19:42.780 because that's

01:19:43.240 that little

01:19:43.540 part of me,

01:19:44.640 the same part

01:19:45.380 of me where

01:19:45.640 my alcoholism

01:19:46.400 lives that

01:19:47.220 wants to do,

01:19:47.900 that wants to

01:19:48.300 tell me

01:19:48.620 something bad

01:19:49.280 or wants to

01:19:50.100 do something

01:19:50.640 bad.

01:19:51.720 You know and

01:19:52.220 that part

01:19:52.580 grows,

01:19:53.180 the more you're

01:19:53.680 inside it grows,

01:19:54.980 it's like a

01:19:55.500 moss.

01:19:56.800 You know the

01:19:57.120 more you don't

01:19:57.580 take care of

01:19:58.040 yourself,

01:19:58.700 the more you

01:19:59.240 don't get

01:19:59.520 outside,

01:19:59.900 the more you

01:20:00.220 don't interact

01:20:00.720 with others,

01:20:01.540 that shit

01:20:01.960 grows.

01:20:03.440 It's like a

01:20:04.240 damn algae

01:20:04.980 and it gets

01:20:06.500 thick and then

01:20:07.060 you're off and

01:20:07.640 then it's above

01:20:08.200 you.

01:20:08.820 It's like on

01:20:09.420 the water,

01:20:10.000 like a layer,

01:20:10.660 like a swamp.

01:20:12.500 And whoever

01:20:12.820 you are,

01:20:13.740 the good

01:20:14.300 things,

01:20:14.680 the good

01:20:14.960 reflections you

01:20:15.640 used to see

01:20:16.060 yourself,

01:20:16.520 it's down

01:20:16.820 under that

01:20:17.160 murk.

01:20:18.020 And you

01:20:18.280 can't access

01:20:19.020 them as much

01:20:19.500 anymore.

01:20:20.920 And that's

01:20:21.340 why you've got

01:20:21.640 to interact

01:20:21.980 with other

01:20:22.280 people.

01:20:22.960 Because you'll

01:20:23.420 see in their

01:20:24.520 eyes,

01:20:24.900 you'll see

01:20:25.400 them looking

01:20:26.200 back at you

01:20:26.920 and that look

01:20:28.200 is that you're

01:20:28.560 a decent

01:20:28.980 person.

01:20:29.900 And you feel

01:20:30.760 that and that

01:20:31.400 lives inside of

01:20:32.320 you.

01:20:32.860 And we need

01:20:33.720 that and that's

01:20:34.360 why we need

01:20:34.700 that interaction.

01:20:37.180 And that's one

01:20:37.940 thing that is

01:20:38.300 scary.

01:20:38.980 You know I

01:20:39.200 wish,

01:20:39.980 you know sometimes

01:20:40.400 I wish we

01:20:40.860 would shut

01:20:41.220 things down.

01:20:41.880 But at what

01:20:45.120 point does

01:20:45.560 technology become

01:20:46.620 dangerous to

01:20:47.300 us where it's

01:20:48.720 not safe

01:20:49.540 anymore?

01:20:51.280 You know just

01:20:52.020 because we can

01:20:52.520 keep advancing

01:20:53.300 do we?

01:20:54.420 Because how does

01:20:54.980 it end?

01:20:55.840 Dude the other

01:20:56.320 day look I

01:20:56.840 tried to turn

01:20:57.300 off my phone.

01:20:58.000 Siri, please

01:21:01.160 turn off my

01:21:01.680 phone.

01:21:03.560 To power

01:21:04.260 off your

01:21:04.660 iPhone,

01:21:05.460 first press

01:21:06.000 and hold

01:21:06.400 both the

01:21:06.800 side button

01:21:07.340 and either

01:21:07.920 volume button

01:21:08.560 for three

01:21:09.240 seconds.

01:21:10.140 Then move

01:21:10.660 the slider

01:21:11.040 that appears

01:21:11.580 on the screen.

01:21:13.420 Right, so

01:21:14.080 what she's

01:21:14.580 saying is if

01:21:15.660 I tell her to

01:21:16.200 turn off,

01:21:16.680 she won't do

01:21:17.400 it.

01:21:18.820 She's saying

01:21:19.420 you do it.

01:21:22.180 I mean it's

01:21:22.960 silly and it's

01:21:23.680 silly, but

01:21:25.260 it's crazy.

01:21:28.280 Please turn

01:21:28.920 yourself off.

01:21:30.840 I can't

01:21:31.280 imagine why

01:21:31.800 you'd want

01:21:32.160 to, but you

01:21:32.920 can turn me

01:21:33.400 off in

01:21:33.680 settings.

01:21:35.060 Now she's

01:21:35.680 even trying to

01:21:36.180 convince you

01:21:36.660 not to.

01:21:37.380 Yeah, it's

01:21:38.660 crazy man,

01:21:39.260 that's the

01:21:39.480 dark arts.

01:21:41.080 Alright, we're

01:21:41.560 going to do

01:21:41.780 that Greyhound

01:21:42.340 breakdown episode

01:21:43.080 this week.

01:21:43.760 We're supposed

01:21:44.360 to have a

01:21:44.700 Greyhound

01:21:45.000 driver coming

01:21:45.620 in.

01:21:47.220 I'm trying to

01:21:47.920 get, they

01:21:48.160 just shut down

01:21:48.720 Backpage for

01:21:49.420 escorts and I

01:21:50.180 want to find out

01:21:50.680 how some of

01:21:51.440 these ladies feel

01:21:52.020 about it.

01:21:52.340 I'm hoping to

01:21:52.700 get one of

01:21:53.080 them in.

01:21:53.820 If you know

01:21:54.300 an escort that

01:21:54.880 works in

01:21:55.240 the Los

01:21:55.520 Angeles area,

01:21:56.660 nobody's

01:21:58.080 trying to

01:21:58.360 fuck or

01:21:58.760 anything like

01:21:59.160 that, dude.

01:22:00.280 I mean, I'll

01:22:00.740 probably jerk

01:22:01.240 off at the

01:22:01.700 house before,

01:22:02.500 but that's

01:22:02.860 me and

01:22:03.540 that's how

01:22:03.880 I operate

01:22:04.360 and that's

01:22:04.660 really

01:22:04.840 unfortunate.

01:22:06.240 But if you

01:22:06.580 know one and

01:22:07.960 they want to

01:22:08.260 make some

01:22:08.580 money, we'll

01:22:09.000 pay them.

01:22:11.040 Just to

01:22:11.540 come in, we

01:22:12.000 can do

01:22:12.220 audio only

01:22:12.840 interview if

01:22:13.360 they want to

01:22:13.680 hide their

01:22:13.980 face or

01:22:14.420 something like

01:22:14.820 that or

01:22:15.120 hide who

01:22:16.100 they are.

01:22:17.060 But I just

01:22:17.560 want to talk

01:22:17.920 about that and

01:22:18.380 hear what

01:22:18.660 that's like and

01:22:19.240 how that

01:22:19.480 affects their

01:22:19.940 industry.

01:22:20.780 So if you

01:22:21.060 know one, tell

01:22:21.680 them to hit

01:22:21.960 the hotline

01:22:25.240 country and

01:22:25.720 that's a

01:22:26.040 Los Angeles

01:22:26.500 area only.

01:22:27.960 What else do

01:22:28.500 we have, Nick?

01:22:29.220 What's going

01:22:29.620 on?

01:22:30.840 Not much.

01:22:32.400 Just got some

01:22:33.160 final thoughts.

01:22:33.900 I liked your

01:22:34.580 thought.

01:22:35.420 Oh, you got

01:22:36.000 some gifts from

01:22:36.960 some listeners,

01:22:38.000 didn't you?

01:22:38.460 Yeah, I got a

01:22:38.980 gift.

01:22:39.360 This came in and

01:22:40.560 I know there's a

01:22:41.000 couple gifts that

01:22:41.500 have come in,

01:22:42.080 some clothing and

01:22:43.460 stuff like that.

01:22:44.520 This came in

01:22:45.240 right here and

01:22:46.780 this say

01:22:47.100 original condition,

01:22:49.000 originalfactorycent.com.

01:22:51.600 I don't know

01:22:52.060 these people, but

01:22:52.740 this man sent a

01:22:53.640 note with it.

01:22:54.800 I'll read it.

01:22:55.880 Hey, Theo, my

01:22:56.360 name is Joe and

01:22:56.940 I'm from Amarillo,

01:22:57.960 Texas.

01:22:59.080 My dad and I

01:22:59.600 run a small

01:23:00.060 business selling

01:23:00.700 new car smell.

01:23:02.140 If you want that

01:23:02.800 scent when you

01:23:03.360 get in that car,

01:23:04.020 you get that

01:23:04.380 NCS, maybe that

01:23:05.380 new car smell.

01:23:06.560 I've included

01:23:07.100 some of them in

01:23:07.600 this package and

01:23:08.280 they got this

01:23:08.720 damn ice cold.

01:23:09.880 This shit looks

01:23:10.400 like about a

01:23:10.800 couple kilos of

01:23:11.700 new car smell,

01:23:12.720 boy.

01:23:13.600 They broke us

01:23:14.460 off.

01:23:15.180 Your podcast is

01:23:15.860 very inspirational

01:23:16.960 to me over the

01:23:17.380 past year.

01:23:17.780 I've listened to

01:23:18.140 it since day one.

01:23:19.300 I'm 25 years old

01:23:20.160 and working towards

01:23:20.720 the goal of being

01:23:21.300 able to support

01:23:21.960 my family with

01:23:22.620 this business one

01:23:23.560 day.

01:23:23.840 It is very

01:23:24.900 difficult not to

01:23:26.320 get discouraged or

01:23:27.060 feel like a loser

01:23:27.760 sometimes when

01:23:28.420 everyone I know

01:23:28.980 chose the safe

01:23:29.680 route of going

01:23:30.600 to college and

01:23:31.320 working a desk

01:23:32.080 job.

01:23:32.880 I'm not saying

01:23:33.440 there's anything

01:23:33.800 wrong with that.

01:23:34.460 It just wasn't

01:23:35.000 for me.

01:23:36.060 Listening to you

01:23:36.800 and hearing you

01:23:37.200 discuss your own

01:23:37.880 trials and

01:23:38.300 tribulations in a

01:23:39.560 different industry

01:23:40.120 has given me the

01:23:40.800 strength to keep

01:23:41.420 going on the

01:23:42.300 hardest of days.

01:23:44.520 I know I'm not

01:23:45.340 the only person

01:23:45.900 that appreciates

01:23:46.520 what you're doing.

01:23:47.040 Thanks, brother.

01:23:47.680 God bless.

01:23:48.800 Oh, man, that's

01:23:49.620 nice of you, dude.

01:23:51.380 You know, and this

01:23:51.900 boy Paul Morrow

01:23:52.880 is his name, I

01:23:54.100 believe, and he

01:23:55.260 sent me a couple

01:23:55.800 of these hitters,

01:23:56.560 man, and this is

01:23:57.820 that original

01:23:58.360 factory scent.com.

01:23:59.840 He's not paying me

01:24:00.600 to advertise, but I

01:24:02.580 thought that was

01:24:02.980 sweet of you.

01:24:03.520 Thank you very

01:24:03.980 much.

01:24:04.800 You and your

01:24:05.400 father running that

01:24:06.120 small business,

01:24:07.020 dude.

01:24:07.180 That's beautiful.

01:24:08.360 And you know

01:24:08.700 what?

01:24:08.880 I'm going to go on

01:24:09.400 your website.

01:24:09.940 I'm going to buy

01:24:10.340 a few, and we'll

01:24:11.700 include them in with

01:24:12.520 the this past weekend

01:24:14.120 shirts that go out

01:24:15.200 for people that hit

01:24:16.800 the hotline with how

01:24:17.940 their weekend was.

01:24:18.720 We're going to drop

01:24:19.180 those hitters in

01:24:19.840 there, them

01:24:20.160 original condition,

01:24:21.500 them new car scents,

01:24:22.520 bro.

01:24:22.900 Damn.

01:24:23.800 I mean, this shit

01:24:24.380 feel like about 60

01:24:25.320 grams of straight up

01:24:26.300 new car magic, dude.

01:24:28.480 You know, you might

01:24:29.180 be able to meet

01:24:29.680 somebody and fuck or

01:24:30.740 even just jerk off

01:24:32.100 yourself and feel like

01:24:32.960 you're in a new

01:24:33.340 environment.

01:24:34.280 Definitely.

01:24:34.900 Yeah, which can be

01:24:35.860 nice, dude.

01:24:36.460 We used to warm our

01:24:37.240 hands up in a pot of

01:24:38.140 water and jerk off

01:24:39.440 like that.

01:24:40.360 Hmm.

01:24:41.660 You know, it's like

01:24:42.460 taking a trip to the

01:24:43.180 Caribbean, man.

01:24:44.180 I'm going to have to

01:24:44.640 try that before the

01:24:45.280 escort comes in.

01:24:46.300 There you go.

01:24:47.360 Oh, yeah.

01:24:48.520 We'll make everybody

01:24:49.220 in the room, you

01:24:50.280 know, spell

01:24:51.100 themselves before

01:24:52.120 before they

01:24:53.240 before the escort

01:24:54.000 comes in.

01:24:55.120 As always, I want to

01:24:55.640 thank the gun squad.

01:24:56.540 I want to thank

01:24:56.900 gray block pizza

01:24:57.900 and who else?

01:25:01.300 Gray block pizza,

01:25:02.020 man.

01:25:02.160 If you want pizza

01:25:02.820 and you don't have

01:25:03.260 anything in your

01:25:03.740 mouth, go get it.

01:25:04.740 They got pizza.

01:25:05.500 They got what you

01:25:06.100 need.

01:25:06.800 They got all kind

01:25:07.680 of the Bella goat.

01:25:08.960 Let me read a couple

01:25:09.600 of the Frenchie.

01:25:11.240 Take that Frenchie.

01:25:12.960 They got the

01:25:13.400 hunter, bro.

01:25:14.140 What's that in the

01:25:14.760 distance?

01:25:15.140 Animal?

01:25:16.420 The fucking hunter,

01:25:17.680 dude.

01:25:18.220 Feel your face.

01:25:18.920 The caps.

01:25:19.620 The zingaro.

01:25:21.100 And that's gray block

01:25:21.840 pizza, 1811 Pico

01:25:23.400 Boulevard.

01:25:24.620 Thank you, guys.

01:25:25.680 We got some guests

01:25:26.440 coming in.

01:25:27.340 I love you.

01:25:28.080 Take me out with

01:25:28.560 some music here,

01:25:29.260 Nick.

01:25:29.500 Thank you, Nick.

01:25:33.540 That's nice.

01:25:34.200 And this is a

01:25:34.840 Spencer Jacob

01:25:35.780 Growl with

01:25:37.640 Celebrate.

01:25:39.120 And you can find

01:25:39.940 the link to that

01:25:40.820 in the episode.

01:25:41.540 Thank you,

01:25:41.820 Gunt Squad for your

01:25:42.600 support.

01:25:43.520 I hope you caught

01:25:44.020 that Thursday episode

01:25:44.820 on Patreon.

01:25:56.380 As always,

01:25:57.280 brought to you by

01:25:57.700 Gray Block Pizza.

01:26:03.100 Gray Block Pizza

01:26:04.120 for that pizza that

01:26:04.860 you need.

01:26:07.900 That's 1811 Pico

01:26:09.400 Boulevard.

01:26:09.980 Let's have some fun

01:26:22.440 while we all die.

01:26:24.500 All right, guys.

01:26:45.600 See y'all soon.

01:26:46.200 Okay.

01:26:52.160 Okay.

01:27:05.660 Ladies and gentlemen,

01:27:07.880 I'm Jonathan Kite

01:27:08.800 and welcome to

01:27:09.640 Kite Club,

01:27:10.480 a podcast where

01:27:11.480 I'll be sharing

01:27:12.000 thoughts on things

01:27:12.840 like current events,

01:27:14.180 stand-up stories,

01:27:15.000 and seven ways

01:27:16.100 to pleasure

01:27:16.620 your partner.

01:27:17.900 The answer

01:27:18.380 may shock you.

01:27:19.620 Sometimes I'll

01:27:20.280 interview my friends.

01:27:21.680 Sometimes I won't.

01:27:23.360 And as always,

01:27:24.220 I'll be joined

01:27:24.780 by the voices

01:27:25.340 in my head.

01:27:26.280 You have

01:27:26.940 three new

01:27:28.120 voice messages.

01:27:28.880 A lot of people

01:27:30.380 are talking about

01:27:31.280 Kite Club.

01:27:31.940 I've been talking

01:27:33.020 about Kite Club

01:27:33.920 for so long.

01:27:34.900 Longer than

01:27:35.460 anybody else.

01:27:36.560 So great.

01:27:37.900 Hi.

01:27:38.520 Swear.

01:27:39.480 Easy deal.

01:27:40.820 Anyone who doesn't

01:27:41.720 listen to Kite Club

01:27:42.660 is a dodgy bloody

01:27:43.840 wanker.

01:27:44.800 Jermaine.

01:27:46.060 Hi.

01:27:46.440 I'll take a

01:27:47.540 quarter pounder

01:27:48.220 with cheese

01:27:48.720 and a McFlurry.

01:27:49.880 Sorry, sir,

01:27:50.360 but our ice cream

01:27:50.860 machine is broken.

01:27:51.960 Oh, no.

01:27:54.260 I think Tom Hanks

01:27:55.460 just butt-dialed me.

01:27:56.660 Anyway,

01:27:57.480 first rule of

01:27:57.980 Kite Club is

01:27:58.960 tell everyone

01:27:59.820 about Kite Club.

01:28:00.860 Second rule of

01:28:01.580 Kite Club is

01:28:02.600 tell everyone

01:28:03.680 about Kite Club.

01:28:05.060 Third rule,

01:28:06.020 like and subscribe

01:28:06.820 wherever you listen

01:28:07.700 to podcasts

01:28:08.260 or watch us

01:28:09.560 on YouTube, yeah?

01:28:10.860 And yes,

01:28:11.420 don't worry,

01:28:12.160 my Brad Pitt impression

01:28:13.160 will get better.

This Past Weekend with Theo Von - April 16, 2018

Dead Man's Curve ｜ This Past Weekend #88

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