This Past Weekend with Theo Von - E279 Neal Brennan 2

00:00:00.500 Oh, today's episode is brought to you by Gray Block Pizza, and this is a pizzeria that has

00:00:07.380 just pizza and things that are going to really make you feel good inside of your mouth and

00:00:14.380 body.

00:00:15.420 Gray Block Pizza, get that hitter. 1.00

00:00:17.900 Today's guest is making his second appearance on this past weekend.

00:00:22.260 He is the co-creator of The Chappelle Show, and he has some specials on Comedy Central.

00:00:28.060 Ladies and gentlemen, Mr. Neal Brennan.

00:00:54.440 Well, thanks, man.

00:00:55.340 I just went, oh, you know what happened?

00:00:56.740 I went to the pool the other day.

00:00:57.820 Did you?

00:00:58.360 Went to a hotel, called the hotel, said, hey, can I go out to the pool?

00:01:02.180 The guy said, yeah, you can.

00:01:03.400 It was like a gay guy, and so I think out of the gate, it was like, you know, and I don't 1.00

00:01:08.440 sound ugly.

00:01:09.480 You know what I'm saying? 0.59

00:01:10.300 Like, I'm not saying I sound like a-

00:01:11.740 Like, you know what?

00:01:12.620 He put the phone out, like, come on over.

00:01:14.620 Yeah, that's really what it was like.

00:01:16.140 Like, so, you know, he was like, yeah, come on over, you know, and then I-

00:01:24.920 What hotel, can you say?

00:01:26.460 Yeah, Mr. C's Hotel in Beverly Hills.

00:01:29.360 And I called, I went over there, was the only person at the pool.

00:01:33.500 Where's Mr. C's Hotel?

00:01:35.440 Is this a guy's house?

00:01:36.480 I don't know if this is a hotel, man.

00:01:37.840 I went with Max's girlfriend, and we sat out there and just caught some sun, and here

00:01:40.520 was the interesting thing, though.

00:01:41.620 There's no smog in the air.

00:01:43.500 Yeah.

00:01:43.620 So, the sun is-

00:01:45.520 Interesting.

00:01:46.400 It's direct.

00:01:47.080 Yeah, it's getting people.

00:01:48.580 Yeah.

00:01:49.180 And you also have, you have good skin.

00:01:53.020 You're tan.

00:01:53.740 You tan.

00:01:54.660 Yeah.

00:01:55.200 Yeah, I'm okay with it.

00:01:56.220 I can handle sun.

00:01:57.580 Some people, you know-

00:01:58.880 Can't handle it.

00:01:59.440 Yeah.

00:02:00.080 You seem like, yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:02:01.460 I can't.

00:02:02.060 You're a slave to the, like, if sun sees you, it's like, oh, yeah, we're bidding on this

00:02:05.920 guy.

00:02:06.240 Get him.

00:02:06.760 Yeah.

00:02:07.280 Yeah, yeah, yeah. 1.00

00:02:08.040 Like, they're that motherfucker. 1.00

00:02:09.820 Put him on the boats and send him over. 1.00

00:02:12.240 Yeah.

00:02:12.300 Let's go.

00:02:13.620 Uh, yeah, not bad.

00:02:14.540 That's crazy.

00:02:15.580 Every time you leave your house, it's gotta be like that.

00:02:17.880 I, yeah, yeah, yeah, it's not that bad. 0.99

00:02:21.560 My dad used to get, again, my dad's ten kids, angry, violent, all the shit. 1.00

00:02:33.400 Irish Catholic. 1.00

00:02:34.100 Fight the sun kind of guy. 0.94

00:02:34.980 He grew up one of 13 kids, born in the Depression, like, crazy. 0.61

00:02:40.500 He used to-

00:02:41.680 No heartbeat.

00:02:42.300 I mean, it's, it's, he had such bad skin that we would, we would drop, like, we took 1.00

00:02:51.180 a, we, we took a vacation in California one time and it's like seven of us in a station

00:02:56.220 station wagon going to, like, Lompoc.

00:02:59.140 Yeah.

00:02:59.420 And just, whatever.

00:03:01.180 And, uh, my cousins are in Lompoc.

00:03:04.000 You know that.

00:03:04.800 Everybody saw that coming.

00:03:06.320 Uh, Neil Brent's definitely got cousins in Lompoc.

00:03:09.040 So, my dad, the first day, got such bad sunburn on his hands that it bubbled up.

00:03:17.700 From the-

00:03:18.500 Bubble, yes, dude.

00:03:19.620 Through the window on the steering wheel.

00:03:20.780 And I even remember I was, like, eight going, like, you, wait, how much were you driving? 0.98

00:03:25.240 Like, how the fuck did that happen? 0.91

00:03:27.540 Bubbled up to the second day. 1.00

00:03:29.780 He wore black gloves like a murderer.

00:03:34.780 Driving with black gloves on with, like, eight children.

00:03:40.100 Yeah.

00:03:40.900 Furious.

00:03:42.060 The whole time.

00:03:44.920 The whole time.

00:03:46.160 Why do I see this suddenly being a Papio tune? 1.00

00:03:48.140 Do you see that, Nick?

00:03:49.540 I suddenly see this being one of the animations.

00:03:52.240 Great.

00:03:52.740 I like it.

00:03:53.420 Yeah, now for you.

00:03:54.100 Can you imagine the fatherhood you have to have in you?

00:03:57.240 Just the virility you have to have.

00:03:59.120 First of all, to have ten kids.

00:04:00.700 Then to sit there and hold onto a steering wheel while your skin is bubbling. 1.00

00:04:05.800 Bubbling.

00:04:06.460 Just to take your ten kids to go see more family.

00:04:09.540 Lompoc.

00:04:10.040 Yeah.

00:04:10.240 To get, to go to Solvang.

00:04:13.160 Yeah.

00:04:13.320 To look at the windmills in Solvang.

00:04:16.320 Yeah, it was a, I don't know what made it work. 0.97

00:04:20.560 I mean, I don't know what the, I mean, it's fucking crazy.

00:04:23.420 But the fact that he, because then later I went to the Caribbean. 0.91

00:04:30.100 Oh, my God.

00:04:31.440 2005, if you can believe it.

00:04:33.300 And somehow my feet, my feet got sunburned.

00:04:38.220 Oh, yeah.

00:04:38.580 The top of my feet.

00:04:40.360 And then I had the bubbles.

00:04:41.920 Oh.

00:04:42.800 And dude, I, you can't.

00:04:45.100 If anyone's ever had blisters on the top of their feet, if I wouldn't rule it out for you,

00:04:48.860 you'd look like maybe.

00:04:50.160 You're done?

00:04:50.480 Oh, you're done. 1.00

00:04:50.900 Um, you can't fucking, you can barely walk. 1.00

00:04:54.400 Yeah. 0.99

00:04:54.720 Like, you don't have, the ecosystem of your foot is so delicate.

00:04:58.920 Yeah.

00:04:59.720 Like, a bubble on, you're almost immobile. 0.99

00:05:03.960 It was fucking crazy. 0.96

00:05:05.020 And I don't even know, it was like from 10 minutes in the ocean. 0.99

00:05:07.600 Oh.

00:05:07.880 But it's usually not that bad for me.

00:05:10.520 Like, I used to caddy.

00:05:12.260 But do you have to think about it when you leave home?

00:05:14.460 Like, I feel like, you know, if you live in certain neighborhoods, you have to think like,

00:05:16.880 oh, I have to look out for these people.

00:05:18.260 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:05:18.660 I have to look out for this, you know.

00:05:20.100 Um, ants or something, you know, some people.

00:05:23.020 Yeah, that's what you meant.

00:05:23.780 But do you think.

00:05:24.520 You meant ants.

00:05:25.200 Or, you know, like, if you live in like a, you know, like, when I was young, you know,

00:05:29.280 ants was always like, oh, are there ants out there?

00:05:31.820 Yeah.

00:05:32.100 But do you have to look, do you have to think about that? 1.00

00:05:34.580 Like, shit, man. 1.00

00:05:35.680 No. 1.00

00:05:36.120 If I'm going to the beach.

00:05:37.060 It's out there.

00:05:37.600 I'll, I'll think about, if I like, I live in Venice and sometimes someone goes like,

00:05:42.460 let's take a walk.

00:05:43.140 You live in Venice?

00:05:43.940 Yeah.

00:05:44.440 Wow.

00:05:44.760 And I'll be like, we got to take a walk?

00:05:46.940 All right.

00:05:47.320 Like, if it's on the, on the beach, I'll be like, oh, let's, let's talk about routes.

00:05:55.340 Yeah.

00:05:56.740 Or I'll have to like flip off to Libya.

00:05:59.140 We got to turn around.

00:06:00.500 I see you in the Caribbean going out to the beach at night.

00:06:03.220 No, I mean, dude, I, it was wild.

00:06:06.260 It was wild.

00:06:07.320 Turks and Caicos.

00:06:08.040 I got, the top of my feet got sunburned and I, and I like just put an aloe on there. 0.94

00:06:13.760 Turks and Caicos sound like a couple of Latino hitmen, don't they? 1.00

00:06:16.480 How about it? 0.91

00:06:17.120 The cutest Latino hitmen. 1.00

00:06:18.400 Yeah, you're goddamn right. 0.99

00:06:19.400 Little, they're at Mr. C's hotel this afternoon. 0.96

00:06:22.140 Yeah.

00:06:23.160 Did you drive over here in that Tesla?

00:06:24.840 Yeah, man.

00:06:26.060 Yeah, sure did.

00:06:26.780 Did you get one yet?

00:06:27.680 I didn't get one, man.

00:06:29.320 But the new ones, I think are coming out with an American flag hanging off the back.

00:06:33.680 We were talking about this yesterday, man, and it was literally the funniest thing that

00:06:38.160 I talked about in a while.

00:06:39.100 Just the fact that, well, Elon Musk tweeted some stuff.

00:06:43.080 What did he write, Nick? 1.00

00:06:44.960 He wrote the, the quarantine is, quarantine is stupid. 1.00

00:06:50.420 Yeah. 1.00

00:06:50.860 And then he's on some like free, let me open up.

00:06:56.100 Yeah.

00:06:56.640 He wanted to open his business in, in Redmond, I think it is.

00:06:59.540 Alameda County, Redmond.

00:07:01.460 He said they were going to have to arrest him.

00:07:03.080 He was just going to put his workers on the line.

00:07:05.200 Yeah.

00:07:05.360 He tweeted, take the red pill.

00:07:07.900 Yeah.

00:07:08.520 Got a lot of people.

00:07:09.320 It's, he basically like all the people who, all the liberals who bought a Tesla are now

00:07:14.380 like, what did I do? 0.96

00:07:17.780 It's so fucking funny. 0.99

00:07:19.960 Cause I love when anybody gets fucking fucked over. 0.99

00:07:23.660 I don't care if it's fucking hilarious. 1.00

00:07:25.640 It's kind of like when Hulk Hogan started wearing that black stuff. 0.98

00:07:28.060 Remember when he started wearing the black vest?

00:07:30.540 Yeah, the two-tone mustache, right?

00:07:31.820 Yeah.

00:07:31.980 I remember it.

00:07:33.320 And you're like, what is going on?

00:07:35.360 Yes, absolutely.

00:07:36.700 Yeah.

00:07:36.880 That's so bizarre.

00:07:38.100 Yeah.

00:07:38.620 And you tweeted something too about it, didn't you?

00:07:40.560 It was so funny, man.

00:07:42.200 Did you tweet something about it?

00:07:43.740 No.

00:07:44.220 I mean, I've tweeted like, I'm on the side of like scientists and stuff.

00:07:48.420 Yeah.

00:07:48.600 That's funny.

00:07:49.320 Yeah.

00:07:49.660 That's Elon on the right.

00:07:51.400 That's new Elon.

00:07:53.360 And old Elon's like, I got electric.

00:07:56.360 I believe in electric, the electric future, brother.

00:07:59.040 Yeah.

00:07:59.340 And then it's like.

00:08:01.100 Maga. 0.90

00:08:02.000 Yeah.

00:08:03.760 Maga, brother.

00:08:04.160 Make America gasoline-less again, baby.

00:08:08.400 Yeah.

00:08:08.940 Cancel, cancel culture.

00:08:10.160 He's just been going in.

00:08:11.200 Yeah. 1.00

00:08:11.500 He's basically just on some Maga shit. 0.99

00:08:14.000 It's great. 0.99

00:08:14.560 He's done Joe's podcast twice. 1.00

00:08:17.700 Liberals are like, what the fuck? 1.00

00:08:19.760 Who is this guy? 1.00

00:08:20.960 Liberals are going to have to get up. 0.99

00:08:22.040 And now they're all stuck with the cars.

00:08:23.080 I know.

00:08:23.260 And the crazy thing about the cars is you can't lease them, right?

00:08:26.380 You can.

00:08:27.200 I lease mine.

00:08:28.020 Oh, okay.

00:08:28.320 I didn't think you could, but you can't.

00:08:29.920 I thought you had to own it so that it was going to be like, oh, here you go.

00:08:34.420 Oh, how am I going to get rid of this thing?

00:08:35.780 Just come and take it.

00:08:36.980 Stuck with this electric American flag right there.

00:08:40.280 What have you been doing, man?

00:08:42.100 What have I been doing?

00:08:45.680 Not much, man.

00:08:47.220 How often do you hang out with your ex-girlfriend?

00:08:49.520 We hang out a pretty good bit.

00:08:50.520 We turned into really good friends, you know?

00:08:55.100 She's pretty much like my best friend, I guess.

00:08:57.060 And do you think like, well, maybe we should.

00:08:58.660 Except for Nick, maybe.

00:08:59.880 Nick's shocked to hear that.

00:09:02.180 This is a hell of a way to find out.

00:09:04.820 Nick's like, yeah.

00:09:05.920 My best friend.

00:09:06.940 I had no idea.

00:09:07.720 We talk every three days.

00:09:09.520 I'd hate to meet his enemies.

00:09:13.180 Yeah, we just.

00:09:14.100 Well, during quarantine, it's like you kind of.

00:09:15.760 I think in the beginning, we hadn't been talking for a while.

00:09:18.820 And then everybody got spooked, you know?

00:09:21.940 So I was.

00:09:22.740 I know that she was kind of scared.

00:09:24.180 And I think I was scared.

00:09:25.460 So I was like, you know, you just wanted to be around people that you cared about.

00:09:28.700 If you could be around anybody.

00:09:30.380 Were you scared? 0.97

00:09:31.300 Because when we talked at the beginning, you were like, it's fucking better be real. 0.95

00:09:36.640 I like how you called me. 0.93

00:09:37.820 Like, hey, what is this?

00:09:40.380 You're like, is this real?

00:09:43.120 Dude, I didn't know.

00:09:43.920 And I didn't know if maybe you knew something I didn't know.

00:09:46.800 Like, you know probably.

00:09:47.920 I didn't know rich people. 1.00

00:09:49.780 Like, do you know some shit? 0.99

00:09:51.720 Yeah, is Blake Griffin? 1.00

00:09:53.260 Yeah, like, how's he dealing with it?

00:09:55.600 Yeah.

00:09:55.940 No, they're all.

00:09:57.720 All the rich people are abiding by it.

00:09:59.420 Yeah.

00:10:00.620 Well, I mean, it's super comfortable.

00:10:02.340 I mean, I think this thing's been pretty comfortable.

00:10:05.640 It's a very.

00:10:06.520 That's a funny way to go.

00:10:07.700 It's like, this is a pretty comfortable national sacrifice.

00:10:11.460 Yeah.

00:10:11.820 If you have money.

00:10:13.840 If you have some money.

00:10:15.140 Right.

00:10:15.780 If you've just gone off the road.

00:10:18.220 Right.

00:10:18.380 A little podcast.

00:10:19.480 Right.

00:10:19.580 If you have either a savings or a thing you can do without it.

00:10:24.220 Right.

00:10:24.500 I agree.

00:10:25.000 It's a.

00:10:25.620 It's kind of a vacation.

00:10:27.480 If.

00:10:27.660 Yeah.

00:10:27.860 If you're in the second month of using the twelve hundred dollar stimulus check and you

00:10:31.800 are like, what the heck is going to happen next?

00:10:34.520 Yes.

00:10:34.800 And you're waiting on pins and needles for the government to send another check.

00:10:39.820 That's.

00:10:40.140 That's.

00:10:40.540 That's a different.

00:10:41.620 That's a different life.

00:10:42.560 Yes.

00:10:42.780 That is. 1.00

00:10:43.360 That is truly fucking got to be horrifying and scary shit like hour to hour. 0.99

00:10:49.440 And I wonder how then like at that point, do you like. 0.99

00:10:51.840 Do you feel like you would batten down with like your wife and family or do you think you'd

00:10:55.200 be like, I got to get away from them?

00:10:56.880 You know, like they're the ones bringing me down.

00:10:58.700 Well, they.

00:10:59.860 People are all saying that domestic violence is going to go up.

00:11:02.760 It but the stats I saw didn't go up that much went up like five percent.

00:11:07.100 I haven't seen anything.

00:11:07.800 And there's always people beating chicks in the park bar over by where I live over by

00:11:11.720 at park park park.

00:11:13.680 There's like Westwood is a lot of homeless people out there.

00:11:15.800 People that are just, you know, not not home or just aren't going home basically.

00:11:19.880 And they you can hear some serious fights at night.

00:11:23.740 Do you really?

00:11:24.280 Oh, yeah.

00:11:24.940 You know what's funny about fights at night is like you'll ever be like lying in bed.

00:11:31.440 And it's like one forty five in the morning and you'll hear like and you're like, well,

00:11:36.240 I hope that works out like I'm not getting involved in that.

00:11:41.040 I wish him the best, but I'm not calling.

00:11:45.080 I'm not leaving bed and I'm not investigating in the slightest.

00:11:48.700 Yeah.

00:11:48.800 Total opposite of what I'm doing right now.

00:11:51.840 Boy, well, you made your choices.

00:11:54.220 Here's the worst.

00:11:55.200 Sometimes I'll be like, will you keep it down out there?

00:11:57.680 Look, I don't know what y'all are going through.

00:12:01.140 Yeah, I don't.

00:12:02.320 That is a funny thing where you're just like, yeah, good luck.

00:12:05.460 Do you think sometimes I feel like if this is like our Vietnam, this is like the softest 0.98

00:12:10.980 thing.

00:12:11.740 It's nothing, but it's nothing for us because just like Vietnam would have been nothing for 1.00

00:12:18.320 us.

00:12:18.520 We're not in front lines.

00:12:20.420 Yeah.

00:12:20.580 Like we would have been you would have been.

00:12:23.260 I mean, if you were eight, if we were 18, we probably would have gotten drafted.

00:12:26.600 You probably would have gotten drafted for me.

00:12:28.440 Really?

00:12:29.020 Yeah.

00:12:29.300 Because I think they did like I would have been able to call or whatever.

00:12:32.980 Oh, yeah.

00:12:33.100 Something like bookkeeper or something.

00:12:34.660 Yeah.

00:12:34.980 Something.

00:12:35.440 Yeah.

00:12:35.880 I'm like my foot hurt or something.

00:12:38.080 And they believe it.

00:12:38.760 Look at this sunburn.

00:12:40.340 I can't man.

00:12:41.800 You got y'all better have some SPFs.

00:12:45.000 Yeah, I'll go.

00:12:46.060 But like how much how much sunscreen?

00:12:48.120 Yeah.

00:12:48.340 Um, the, uh, I feel like Southern people had to go.

00:12:53.340 I don't I'm sure I'm wrong about that, but I think you were, they were probably more adamant

00:12:56.540 about it.

00:12:56.940 It's like, they'd be like, you don't have any arms and legs.

00:12:58.980 You'd be like, well, I can do it, sir.

00:13:00.520 Yeah.

00:13:01.000 Or just, but I also feel like, like I in to my mind, Vietnam was all like, uh, black Latino 0.99

00:13:08.840 and Southern whites in my head.

00:13:12.080 Like that.

00:13:12.700 I don't even know if that's true.

00:13:13.620 I'm sure.

00:13:14.180 I think you get into Iowa, Pennsylvania.

00:13:16.680 Yeah.

00:13:16.880 Tons.

00:13:17.960 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:13:18.380 That's where a lot of your white service people come from, I think.

00:13:21.800 And then, yeah, I guess the South as well.

00:13:23.340 What does this say here, Nick?

00:13:24.820 Uh, just casualties during Vietnam.

00:13:27.160 Uh, but it doesn't split it up by, it has all one side together.

00:13:32.320 So U.S. has lumped it with people, but there were 1.1 million deaths on that side.

00:13:36.480 But there was also a draft, right?

00:13:37.980 So there was people.

00:13:38.400 Yeah, that's what I'm saying.

00:13:39.200 And the draft, I think they favored.

00:13:41.060 I'm sure, like, I went to college.

00:13:43.820 You went to college?

00:13:44.780 Yeah.

00:13:45.480 Like, where'd you go to college?

00:13:46.520 Oh, yeah, I did.

00:13:47.100 LSU?

00:13:47.640 I went to LSU.

00:13:48.560 Yeah, I went to a couple different spots, but I definitely went to LSU.

00:13:51.240 Trying to find your groove?

00:13:52.700 What?

00:13:53.240 Yeah, I just wanted to be on the move, man.

00:13:55.300 It just seems so weird to be like, we're, I'm in one place.

00:13:59.260 Is it, I feel like this is a, is it safe to describe your 20s as itchy?

00:14:06.100 Oh, yeah.

00:14:07.140 Like, I just gotta.

00:14:07.900 Yeah, man, I didn't, like, why are we here, man?

00:14:09.820 Everybody, somebody's over there.

00:14:11.260 I always had to go.

00:14:12.380 There was always something somewhere else.

00:14:14.040 Yeah, yes.

00:14:14.520 Oh, something's, you know.

00:14:16.200 Like, trying, because I don't know, do you talk about your 20s much on here?

00:14:20.480 I don't talk, uh, I mean, honestly, dude, it's hard for me to remember some of it, you know?

00:14:25.360 Because of drugs or alcohol?

00:14:26.880 Well, I think just because of time.

00:14:29.180 Like, it's just hard to, like.

00:14:30.180 Yeah.

00:14:31.140 Like, our lives are so interesting now.

00:14:33.260 Like, I mean, I remember in my 20s, you know, like, I'd done reality television, and then

00:14:36.660 I moved, and then I traveled around a bunch to different schools.

00:14:39.400 And then I went on semester at sea.

00:14:40.940 It was like a school on a cruise ship, and so.

00:14:43.120 Was that for TV?

00:14:44.760 No, that was just, like, as a student.

00:14:46.520 Got it.

00:14:47.020 So, I just got.

00:14:47.700 After the reality thing?

00:14:49.360 Yep, a couple years after.

00:14:50.240 I just got a job in the bookstore on this cruise ship, and we went everywhere.

00:14:55.520 We went to Vietnam, actually.

00:14:57.600 Uh, and.

00:14:59.900 Did you like being on the boat?

00:15:02.180 Yeah, it was pretty fun.

00:15:03.980 Dude, you start to become, like, Lord of the Flies on it.

00:15:05.940 It's called semester at sea.

00:15:06.880 You start to become, like, in the beginning, everybody's kind of chill, and you're like,

00:15:09.960 okay, this is what's up.

00:15:10.980 So, by the end, by the end of three months, like, you would be literally sitting in class

00:15:15.240 in a male bikini, like, everybody.

00:15:18.060 Like, it was, like, everybody suntanned.

00:15:21.320 Everybody, like, you'd be trading, like, shoe polish for a little bit of liquor at night.

00:15:26.160 Like, it was just.

00:15:27.700 Oh, yeah.

00:15:28.340 It's probably not a bar, right?

00:15:30.440 Well, they had a bar, but you, if you wanted your own liquor, you could only have two wines.

00:15:34.060 You could each get, you could get two wines.

00:15:36.580 So, you could, you know.

00:15:38.700 Like, you were allowed two glasses of wine?

00:15:40.520 Yep.

00:15:41.700 Did they, and it was drinking age, was 21?

00:15:44.320 Drinking age, I'm not sure.

00:15:45.680 Oh, it must have been 18, I think, because you're out in the ocean.

00:15:48.360 Because once you get out in international waters, it's.

00:15:50.360 Oh, right.

00:15:51.140 Maybe there is no drinking age.

00:15:52.600 Yeah.

00:15:53.240 I mean, there was.

00:15:54.900 Yeah, it was really bizarre.

00:15:56.360 It was bizarre being on there.

00:15:57.560 Were you drinking a lot?

00:15:58.600 Oh, yeah.

00:15:59.120 You could drink and everything.

00:16:00.500 Nobody was doing drugs or anything.

00:16:01.700 I didn't even, I wasn't even doing drugs at that point in my life.

00:16:03.720 I didn't even drink that much, but, yeah, every night people would go drink, play games.

00:16:08.660 And were you one of the better looking people?

00:16:11.560 Shhh.

00:16:12.560 I've always been about an eight.

00:16:13.660 If I have sun on me, I'd definitely look better.

00:16:15.720 Because if you get a tan, it kind of makes your nose look a little smaller and stuff.

00:16:18.680 Yeah, you're very insecure about your nose.

00:16:20.280 You have a badonkadonk. 1.00

00:16:21.540 Yeah, I got that fucking. 1.00

00:16:23.180 The face donk. 1.00

00:16:23.880 I got that junk in the front trunk, you know. 0.97

00:16:27.540 Brendan said I should wear a thong on my nose sometime, which is pretty good.

00:16:31.420 I do hope one day my nose isn't a little boozy video.

00:16:34.280 That's one of my life goals.

00:16:37.020 But it was fun, man.

00:16:38.440 It was fun.

00:16:38.980 And we went to all these countries.

00:16:40.080 We went and saw Fidel Castro speak in Cuba.

00:16:42.860 Really?

00:16:43.340 Yeah.

00:16:44.280 And was it remarkable?

00:16:47.240 A lot.

00:16:47.920 I mean, if you knew Spanish, it definitely helped.

00:16:49.800 But it was like a four-hour speech about how the stuff that he did in Cuba, like the things

00:16:55.100 he implemented, like the positives of it.

00:16:57.760 Yeah.

00:16:58.160 So it was kind of a, what would you call that?

00:17:01.360 Propaganda?

00:17:02.060 Propaganda.

00:17:02.820 Yeah.

00:17:03.380 But was he a good speaker?

00:17:04.740 Or was it like?

00:17:05.100 I thought he was good.

00:17:05.800 Yeah.

00:17:05.900 He was tall.

00:17:06.420 He kind of had, it was kind of like a little bit of like a, I don't want to say like a 0.75

00:17:09.840 Mexican Phil Jackson kind of, but he kind of had that.

00:17:13.180 No, but you said it and it's right.

00:17:14.440 Yeah.

00:17:14.640 He kind of had that island-y Phil Jackson kind of vibe, you know?

00:17:17.680 The suit.

00:17:19.060 Yeah.

00:17:19.220 And then some kid ran down there and wanted to get his passport signed by him and everybody

00:17:24.600 got all excited.

00:17:25.660 And he was shot.

00:17:26.820 Yeah.

00:17:27.740 That boy got shot.

00:17:30.100 But that was fun, man.

00:17:31.740 Yeah.

00:17:32.020 That's because I feel like you, I was, I was at CVS yesterday and I thought about you for

00:17:40.200 some reason.

00:17:41.540 Thanks, man.

00:17:42.120 There was a lot of, there were just, at one point were you like a flip-flop person?

00:17:46.600 Yeah.

00:17:47.320 Yeah.

00:17:47.660 I, cause there were just flip-flopping when I was like, I feel like Theo was probably this

00:17:51.500 at some point, maybe when you're on the real world or the, or those shows, were you kind

00:17:57.020 of that kind of guy?

00:17:58.260 Oh, I don't remember really.

00:18:00.980 I mean, I definitely remember in my twenties, man, it's so, it's so crazy.

00:18:07.080 A lot of that part of my life, just, just those years just kind of blur out.

00:18:10.180 I remember going to like, you know, I went to different colleges.

00:18:12.160 I went to Loyola, you know, it was just, yeah.

00:18:15.920 In your twenties, I was more like, you know, muscular kind of big hair kind of guy.

00:18:22.020 Just, you know, happy to be alive, you know, took a lot of erection pills back then.

00:18:28.020 Is that true?

00:18:28.580 Oh yeah.

00:18:29.460 Yeah.

00:18:29.660 Yeah.

00:18:29.740 I had a lot of like social life, sexual anxiety in my twenties and it was hard to get them.

00:18:33.640 Now you can get them anywhere. 0.88

00:18:34.420 Hell, we have some, you know, you know, you can smell Nick's breath and catch a boner.

00:18:39.380 And I mean, you know, I'm just saying like every, everything in here is probably sponsored

00:18:43.460 by a buddy of mine reminded me of a story yesterday where he, he had, he was in a relationship.

00:18:50.640 He had ED with the girl cause like he couldn't get over her ex.

00:18:54.960 And then she got upset because of it.

00:18:58.600 Like, she's like, you don't think I'm good looking.

00:19:00.140 And so he went to an erection doctor.

00:19:02.600 First of all, took the bus to the, to the erection doctor, which you don't just right 0.74

00:19:08.080 there. 0.55

00:19:08.380 You've already lost. 1.00

00:19:09.680 Well, taking a bus will keep my dick down for a fucking half. 1.00

00:19:12.540 So the erection doctor gives him, uh, basically, I think it sounds like a, uh, Cialis or something. 1.00

00:19:19.680 This is like 20 years ago. 0.78

00:19:21.800 Uh, and he goes, you're going to get an erection. 0.93

00:19:25.160 And at a certain point, like if it, if it doesn't go, if it, if you don't get an erection 0.95

00:19:30.260 within the next two hours, something's wrong.

00:19:32.500 And if you do, you know, it'll be fine.

00:19:36.020 And, and, but if it doesn't go away, you got to come back.

00:19:39.460 Right.

00:19:39.900 Okay.

00:19:40.700 So my buddy takes the pill.

00:19:43.420 Oh yeah.

00:19:43.660 You got to take it.

00:19:44.260 I'd take it right when I walked out the door. 0.99

00:19:47.780 I just fucking boned it. 0.99

00:19:49.420 You fucking bareback that thing right then. 1.00

00:19:51.600 Um, you fucking wrong. 0.99

00:19:53.480 Somebody's getting bucked. 0.98

00:19:54.920 Was I supposed to take it?

00:19:56.740 Um, so, uh, do I look like I took it?

00:20:00.700 He goes to see the Mel Gibson movie payback and just gets a rod, just like a rod where

00:20:10.080 he's like, wow, this is real.

00:20:11.560 It starts getting uncomfortable. 1.00

00:20:13.460 And he's like, shit. 1.00

00:20:15.380 He goes to the bathroom. 1.00

00:20:17.040 Yeah.

00:20:17.200 It's hard.

00:20:17.600 It's a hard.

00:20:18.160 You get real hard.

00:20:19.160 He goes to the bathroom and it's like all purple.

00:20:21.620 Oh, he goes, he's like, I can't wait.

00:20:26.100 So he literally like run kind of shuffles back just kind of with an open boner through

00:20:31.400 his pants.

00:20:32.160 Yeah.

00:20:32.700 And, uh, the doctor, he said the doctor looked at it and you know how the doctors aren't

00:20:37.660 supposed to react.

00:20:38.340 He could tell the doctor kind of was like, Oh, and then he's like, all right, we're going

00:20:43.140 to have to take it down.

00:20:44.780 Doesn't say what that means.

00:20:47.080 And, uh, yeah, it's not like it's a flag at a funeral.

00:20:50.420 Exactly.

00:20:51.300 Take it down.

00:20:52.040 All right.

00:20:52.300 Is it that simple?

00:20:53.220 We're going to send a guy out with a trumpet.

00:20:55.080 Yeah.

00:20:55.320 Just put a blanket over.

00:20:56.600 There's nothing you can do.

00:20:58.320 Um, yeah, it's not like a parrot.

00:20:59.980 You can just put something over it.

00:21:02.000 Yeah. 0.99

00:21:02.360 Like now it's like a fucking tea cozy. 0.99

00:21:04.700 Um, so, uh, uh, so he, he, he goes, the doctor literally says my buddy, he takes out 0.98

00:21:12.340 like a huge, like a huge, uh, syringe and he says, my buddy, you're going to want to 0.99

00:21:20.120 grab the bottom of the table, which is like, God damn, he sticks it in his dick, the blood, 0.99

00:21:27.680 my buddy said, spurred it into the syringe and, uh, took it. 1.00

00:21:35.060 And then like, just, he just drained the blood out of his, out of his dick. 0.99

00:21:38.460 And what do they do with the blood? 0.99

00:21:40.340 I don't know.

00:21:41.340 He didn't tell me.

00:21:42.640 Oh, I'd want that back.

00:21:44.340 You want it back? 1.00

00:21:44.880 The blood that goes to your penis. 1.00

00:21:46.220 Yeah. 1.00

00:21:46.400 That's good blood.

00:21:47.700 Um, that's extra valuable blood.

00:21:49.400 I mean, that's a, that's the good stuff.

00:21:51.820 Um, that's the top shelf.

00:21:52.980 The guy already has this problem.

00:21:54.360 You're going to take the only blood.

00:21:55.680 What literally he has. 1.00

00:21:56.460 Willing to go to his penis. 1.00

00:21:57.540 But my buddy said 20 years later, he still has a scar on his dick. 1.00

00:22:01.520 Which is fucking insane. 1.00

00:22:03.680 Uh, so that's, that's my boner pill story. 0.99

00:22:07.360 Dude, that boner pill story is so good.

00:22:09.320 It's not even yours.

00:22:10.320 I know.

00:22:10.800 It's not even mine.

00:22:11.420 And he reminded me of it yesterday.

00:22:14.060 Uh, this same buddy has one of my favorite stories is, you know, the hill on La Cienega by

00:22:20.380 sunset.

00:22:21.480 Yeah.

00:22:21.960 When you're, yep.

00:22:22.660 And, and my buddy had, uh, a, I don't even, I guess.

00:22:27.520 I guess he had a stick shift, but he went on, he was on that like, like eight 45 in the

00:22:33.900 morning and he couldn't, he couldn't get up to the point where he just was flipping

00:22:39.980 out so bad that he caused like horrible traffic.

00:22:43.220 And then he finally just had to like pull over into one of those driveways, like back up

00:22:47.520 into one of those driveways.

00:22:48.640 He didn't have the, the, the power.

00:22:50.580 He, yeah, he just couldn't figure out how to do it.

00:22:52.260 Did he have a Volkswagen rabbit?

00:22:53.400 Do you know?

00:22:53.840 I don't know.

00:22:54.540 But like the tires were skidding and people were just going around them. 0.99

00:22:58.400 That shit makes me laugh. 0.99

00:22:59.600 So he just had to abandon his car after a while. 1.00

00:23:01.820 Damn. 0.99

00:23:02.660 Just like, I can't, I can't do it. 1.00

00:23:04.760 Now it's not the time.

00:23:05.980 Dude, those rabbits are hill risky, bro.

00:23:07.860 Yeah, they were not. 0.98

00:23:08.640 You get a freaking rabbit halfway up a hill, man. 0.97

00:23:10.580 Yeah. 0.99

00:23:10.880 Now you, now they got it.

00:23:12.340 So it'll stick.

00:23:13.180 But back then.

00:23:14.040 My mom used to have one and we used to always have to give up on a hill, you know?

00:23:18.540 Yeah.

00:23:19.000 Like you'd be going, you'd be like, oh yeah, there it is right there. 1.00

00:23:21.260 Look at that bastard. 1.00

00:23:21.860 Yep. 1.00

00:23:22.160 That was the one.

00:23:23.420 Yeah.

00:23:23.600 And a lot of the gas was in the trunk too, the way they had them built.

00:23:26.600 So it was like, that was one of the problems is a lot of the gas would just even weigh you

00:23:30.460 back even more.

00:23:31.400 It was a, it was a real test.

00:23:33.560 Beautiful car.

00:23:34.000 It was a test of what, of, of, of, uh, hand eye coordinate, like figuring out you're going

00:23:40.680 backward and yeah, but he just didn't.

00:23:42.840 And he's spinning.

00:23:44.560 Oh yeah.

00:23:45.100 This house was getting scared and like getting more.

00:23:48.060 And it's, you know, rush hour in the morning.

00:23:50.140 Strong metal too.

00:23:51.140 Everyone's honking.

00:23:51.600 And finally just quit.

00:23:55.100 He hit, he quit.

00:23:56.360 This car's done. 1.00

00:23:57.240 Fuck it. 1.00

00:23:58.740 Fuck it. 1.00

00:23:59.320 This is not for me. 1.00

00:24:01.120 Um, I have a, I have a segment that I want to play with Theo now and we talked about it

00:24:06.900 before.

00:24:07.180 I don't know if you were rolling, but that I look at Theo, the, the wonder of Theo is that

00:24:13.040 I don't know what you're going to say from minute to minute.

00:24:16.920 Okay.

00:24:17.240 I don't know when you're on stage.

00:24:19.440 I don't know what you're going to say.

00:24:20.920 You're going to, so I, so the, my point is I don't know what, you know, I have no idea

00:24:27.100 what, you know, as I told you, you, you do in your act, you look like a guy who, who

00:24:32.820 has matches, right?

00:24:34.180 Yep.

00:24:34.520 I believe that you look like, uh, if, if I could be anywhere in the world, if you text

00:24:40.180 me and said, I'm outside, I would believe it.

00:24:43.640 Okay.

00:24:44.220 I would come and get like, just, yep.

00:24:46.260 That Theo's outside. 0.59

00:24:47.360 That makes any fucking anywhere in the world. 0.93

00:24:49.580 I got to go to get Theo. 0.97

00:24:51.000 What we're at the United Nations.

00:24:52.580 He's outside.

00:24:53.440 He's outside.

00:24:54.040 He said he's outside.

00:24:55.140 Okay.

00:24:55.700 I believe that.

00:24:56.480 I don't know what, so the question is, I don't know what, you know, and I feel like,

00:25:01.060 you know, I know, you know more than I think, you know, but I don't know what the breadth

00:25:06.400 of the knowledge is.

00:25:08.260 Okay.

00:25:08.940 So we're going to play a game show called, what does Theo know?

00:25:13.460 I want you to play along at home.

00:25:15.120 Maybe you'll throw some music underneath this, some game show music, um, play along at home.

00:25:20.780 What does Theo know?

00:25:22.540 And do I just tell you things?

00:25:24.100 Uh, no, I'm going to ask you questions and when, and then people will guess whether you

00:25:28.440 know it or not.

00:25:29.420 All right.

00:25:30.140 Okay.

00:25:30.540 And I'm going to guess too.

00:25:31.820 Yeah.

00:25:32.180 You will, you will tell us, I'll tell you if I think, you know, you'll weigh in.

00:25:38.180 He knows, you know what he knows.

00:25:40.840 I think I know, but I don't know what you know.

00:25:43.000 Yeah.

00:25:43.360 No one knows what Theo knows.

00:25:44.520 All right.

00:25:44.980 All right.

00:25:45.860 Let's do it.

00:25:46.720 Name five members of the 1985 Chicago bears.

00:25:51.080 I believe you know this.

00:25:52.640 You almost don't because of your age, but I believe you can muscle it out.

00:25:57.060 All right.

00:25:57.580 I'm going to go with your boy.

00:25:58.860 Um, uh, Sean Gale, who murdered his wife. 1.00

00:26:03.240 Oh, you fucking know. 0.99

00:26:04.060 Then if you know Sean Gale. 0.99

00:26:05.600 But I know that because I'm a Dateline fanatic.

00:26:08.340 Okay.

00:26:08.720 Outside of that, I'm going with your boy.

00:26:10.500 Oh, I will go with this, uh, uh, uh, the quarterback, that legend, Jim, uh, McMahon.

00:26:18.780 Okay.

00:26:19.080 Who I met at a golf tournament out in Palm Springs and he had this little kind of thick

00:26:23.920 Jewish woman as his girlfriend. 1.00

00:26:25.200 And she said, he, he goes, this lady will always eat my butt. 1.00

00:26:29.000 That's what he told me, which was kind of crazy. 0.99

00:26:30.760 I thought the, that's the sort of thing I expected you to know.

00:26:33.600 And bro, I watched him drink 18 beers, man, at this golf tournament.

00:26:37.900 Yeah.

00:26:38.060 That guy's a wild, he's wild.

00:26:40.020 Yeah.

00:26:40.240 And he would stand up and he would say that about the lady and he would kind of, he had

00:26:43.540 pants on. 0.98

00:26:43.980 He was like, kind of pull his butt apart, which was crazy. 0.91

00:26:46.740 Yeah. 0.95

00:26:48.400 And, uh, and I think I got high with them actually.

00:26:51.520 But, um, but anyway.

00:26:54.340 So Sean Gale, Sean Gale, I don't know if was on that team that he might've been after

00:26:58.800 that team, but I'll give you Sean Gale and I'll absolutely Jim McMahon.

00:27:01.500 And I'm going to go your boy, Richard Dent right there.

00:27:03.600 Richard Dent.

00:27:03.900 Yeah.

00:27:04.020 If you know Richard Dent, then you're going to get it.

00:27:05.340 And I'm going to go with sweetness, Walter Payton.

00:27:06.860 Yep.

00:27:07.280 We're up to four.

00:27:08.000 And I'm going to go with, um, of course, who else is it?

00:27:11.960 It's that guy, uh, Frigerator Perry.

00:27:15.160 Yeah.

00:27:16.620 Keep going.

00:27:17.280 Who else do you know?

00:27:18.300 Sean Gale, the killer right there.

00:27:20.100 Uh, who else?

00:27:20.980 He was on the team.

00:27:22.240 Yeah.

00:27:22.440 He was.

00:27:23.600 I believe he returned kickoffs.

00:27:26.080 I believe he returned his wife to heaven too, dude.

00:27:29.260 Uh, yeah.

00:27:30.920 Roni Reuter.

00:27:31.660 Willie Galt returned for them.

00:27:33.200 Oh, Willie Galt.

00:27:34.140 Willie Galt.

00:27:34.740 Yeah. 1.00

00:27:35.540 Goddamn. 0.99

00:27:36.560 Dude, black people used to have more, much more kind of old school names. 0.99

00:27:40.160 I feel like.

00:27:40.660 Yeah.

00:27:40.780 They had like, it was before the apostrophes and the Quans and the. 0.79

00:27:45.440 Yeah.

00:27:45.640 Willie Galt, you know.

00:27:46.820 They had like Southern, they had like, uh, uh, uh, sharecroppers names.

00:27:51.760 Yeah.

00:27:51.880 They had definitely like hold over like second, third hand kind of, yeah.

00:27:55.460 Names like that.

00:27:56.500 Like, I remember like, uh, you'd meet a guy named Lilac or something like that.

00:28:00.480 And you'd be like, that is a, you know, L-I-L, L-I-L-A-C. 0.99

00:28:04.260 Yeah.

00:28:04.700 Like the, like the flower.

00:28:06.060 Yes.

00:28:06.480 Or Toby.

00:28:07.600 Yeah.

00:28:08.400 Or Toby.

00:28:09.160 Yeah.

00:28:09.900 All right.

00:28:10.540 Toby's a little too far away.

00:28:12.180 Toby.

00:28:12.520 I can't get, I can't.

00:28:13.740 And you didn't even know.

00:28:14.720 I can't endorse that.

00:28:15.700 Have you seen that Roots movie?

00:28:16.780 Yeah.

00:28:17.000 Me and my grandma watched it on Christmas.

00:28:18.120 You know what was interesting?

00:28:18.940 There was a. 0.99

00:28:19.800 Wait, what the fuck did you just say? 0.99

00:28:23.160 Every Christmas you watch Roots? 1.00

00:28:24.460 No, just one time.

00:28:25.480 But we watched a good four hours.

00:28:27.500 Well, first of all.

00:28:28.480 To get the feeling.

00:28:29.480 To get the Christmas spirit.

00:28:30.840 Well, my grandma gets wrapped into something.

00:28:32.260 She just said it sucked in. 0.91

00:28:32.860 All right. 1.00

00:28:32.880 Fuck it. 1.00

00:28:33.060 Let's open some gifts. 1.00

00:28:34.880 It was post gifts.

00:28:35.760 Anybody who watches it more than once.

00:28:39.200 Four hours.

00:28:40.340 Jesus Christ.

00:28:40.900 What about OJ Simpson is in it?

00:28:44.560 OJ Simpson is in Roots.

00:28:45.800 Yeah.

00:28:46.940 That's, I forgot about that.

00:28:48.380 There's a lot of legends in that movie.

00:28:50.640 Who else?

00:28:51.420 Sterling Sharp, maybe?

00:28:52.840 No.

00:28:55.060 Oh, they're making a new one.

00:28:56.700 They did make it.

00:28:57.800 It came out.

00:28:58.360 It just wasn't that popular.

00:28:59.480 Oh, wow.

00:29:01.000 You know what was interesting?

00:29:02.140 I read an article about Michael Jordan yesterday.

00:29:03.540 There was a new one on ESPN.

00:29:04.840 where they said he used to be super disruptive in class

00:29:10.900 after he saw Roots.

00:29:12.560 Really?

00:29:12.980 Which was like kind of mind-blowing to me

00:29:14.840 because he just seemed so apolitical.

00:29:16.660 Yeah.

00:29:17.020 But he saw Roots in 79 or 70 0.98

00:29:19.360 and was like started fucking with people. 1.00

00:29:22.220 I'm assuming white people, 1.00

00:29:23.300 which is really surprising.

00:29:24.480 There's a good,

00:29:24.900 it's a long article in it.

00:29:26.440 Dude, I remember seeing it.

00:29:27.660 I got it through Netflix sent it to me.

00:29:32.020 And this is when you had to get it each week. 0.99

00:29:33.920 And I was like, holy shit, man. 0.99

00:29:35.220 The old one. 0.99

00:29:35.900 Yeah.

00:29:36.140 I was like, what happened to these people?

00:29:37.300 Like they kept sending it.

00:29:38.100 Like you had to wait.

00:29:39.140 Yeah.

00:29:39.520 You had to wait for them to mail it

00:29:40.680 and mail it back, man.

00:29:42.340 And you felt so bad

00:29:43.280 you would just wait by the mailbox.

00:29:45.220 You'd be like, just wait.

00:29:46.160 Like, man, I'm sorry.

00:29:47.160 You'd apologize to all the boys.

00:29:48.320 Yeah, I remember walking up to the mailbox

00:29:49.580 and being like, ugh.

00:29:51.840 Yeah, you're learning a lot.

00:29:53.380 Yeah.

00:29:53.900 Ed Asner is in it.

00:29:55.740 Yeah.

00:29:56.880 I love that.

00:29:58.760 Lou Gossett Jr.

00:30:00.200 Yeah.

00:30:00.700 Plays, I believe, Fiddler.

00:30:03.220 Is that his name?

00:30:03.940 He was good.

00:30:04.640 Yeah, it was.

00:30:05.320 Yep.

00:30:05.760 Lou Gossett Jr.

00:30:06.340 No, Chicken George.

00:30:07.100 He played Chicken George.

00:30:07.800 Did he pass away?

00:30:09.360 I don't know.

00:30:12.220 Did who pass away?

00:30:13.960 What about that 6'9"?

00:30:15.040 Lou Gossett Jr.

00:30:15.880 Louis Gossett Jr.

00:30:16.780 Do you think we'll ever get to a place

00:30:17.860 where 6'9 will be in Roots?

00:30:22.400 What?

00:30:22.960 The rapper 6'9"?

00:30:25.000 I don't.

00:30:25.460 Oh, Takashi.

00:30:26.740 Like, yeah, yeah.

00:30:27.240 Do you think we'll ever get to?

00:30:28.220 Oh, like, we'll do another Roots and a remake

00:30:31.140 and he's, I don't think he could,

00:30:33.860 I don't think he could play a slave.

00:30:36.560 Oh. 0.91

00:30:37.920 He's also not black. 0.68

00:30:39.080 I thought he was Puerto Rican.

00:30:40.400 But you know what I'm saying?

00:30:41.500 I know what you mean.

00:30:41.900 With, like, forced diversity and stuff.

00:30:43.180 Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:30:44.420 With everybody being allowed to play everything.

00:30:46.860 Yes, yes. 0.51

00:30:47.220 And he, yes, he would qualify as a lesbian. 0.98

00:30:50.380 And now. 0.62

00:30:51.580 Okay, go on.

00:30:53.620 Name, can Theo Vaughn name

00:30:56.500 four films directed by Spike Lee?

00:31:01.420 I think you can.

00:31:06.360 I don't think I can, but I'm gonna do it.

00:31:10.340 I'm gonna say.

00:31:11.020 Audience, think about your answer before he begins.

00:31:14.220 First of all, I don't like Spike Lee.

00:31:16.020 Okay.

00:31:17.320 So.

00:31:18.680 That's why I picked him.

00:31:20.100 He's a, he's a, he's a political black director. 1.00

00:31:23.140 I think he just looks like shit. 1.00

00:31:24.780 I don't care about the direct, I mean, I, yeah, some of the movies or whatever. 1.00

00:31:28.380 I mean, I liked definitely White Men Can't Jump and Poetic Justice. 0.95

00:31:32.820 He was not involved in either of them.

00:31:34.420 Are you serious?

00:31:35.140 He got game?

00:31:35.600 Not even, he wasn't even close to them.

00:31:37.240 Were you thinking he got game with Denzel?

00:31:39.100 That was Spike Lee?

00:31:40.860 I was thinking about White Men Can't Jump. 0.98

00:31:42.280 White Men Can't Jump. 0.98

00:31:43.260 You're thinking of. 0.97

00:31:44.100 He got game.

00:31:44.580 You're thinking of.

00:31:46.460 Yeah, I don't, I just think Western Times is overrated.

00:31:48.420 That's what I mean.

00:31:48.820 I shouldn't say I don't like him. 1.00

00:31:49.920 I shouldn't say he looks like shit. 1.00

00:31:50.960 I just, you know, he looks like somebody that fucking managed a, like a, like one of 1.00

00:31:55.140 those places at the Dave and Buster's where you go cash in the tickets. 0.95

00:31:57.760 He looks like the dude that managed that for like 40 years.

00:32:00.900 And then I just don't think he made that much good stuff.

00:32:04.520 What did he make?

00:32:05.780 You, so that's, you can't.

00:32:08.240 You, that's, you could not answer.

00:32:10.240 No.

00:32:10.660 Interesting.

00:32:10.940 Okay.

00:32:11.580 All right.

00:32:11.920 That's the, I figure there might be a limit there, but I'm surprised, but I'm still surprised.

00:32:17.200 Oh, well, Mac, Mac, Mac, Mac, Malcolm.

00:32:19.800 Malcolm X.

00:32:20.500 You ever seen Malcolm X?

00:32:21.480 Oh, Jungle Fever.

00:32:21.800 I haven't seen Malcolm X.

00:32:22.560 Malcolm X.

00:32:22.900 I've seen the original one.

00:32:24.400 Yeah, that's, yeah.

00:32:25.240 Oh, it is?

00:32:25.840 But yeah, from like 91.

00:32:27.160 Oh, yeah, that one's good.

00:32:27.660 That's Spike.

00:32:28.620 Wow.

00:32:29.180 Yeah.

00:32:30.380 Black Klansman. 0.74

00:32:31.240 Did you see that?

00:32:31.880 No.

00:32:32.760 I didn't see it either.

00:32:35.220 Jungle Fever.

00:32:37.300 She's got to have it.

00:32:38.220 Uh, a lot of L's, bruh. 1.00

00:32:43.360 Yeah, I mean, he started taking L's pretty regularly.

00:32:45.840 I just think he's overrated.

00:32:47.120 I'm sure he's probably a neat guy.

00:32:49.540 Yeah, 25th Hour, people like that movie.

00:32:51.220 I didn't like that movie.

00:32:52.720 Bamboozled.

00:32:53.540 He got game.

00:32:54.460 He got game.

00:32:55.060 You know what's great about He Got Game?

00:32:56.760 It's just watching Ray Allen shoot.

00:33:00.100 Really?

00:33:01.320 So it's, Ray Allen plays like a college basketball phenom.

00:33:04.300 Yeah.

00:33:04.480 And there's scenes where him and Denzel are arguing.

00:33:08.400 And Ray Allen's shooting jumpers.

00:33:10.540 And he makes like nine in a row from three at one point.

00:33:13.900 But it's in the, it's in a scene and there's no edits.

00:33:16.840 Right. 0.99

00:33:17.360 And it's fucking, you never see someone shoot like that. 1.00

00:33:20.280 Like, it's fucking, it's crazy. 1.00

00:33:23.240 Because you just see a guy just make where you're like, are you? 0.99

00:33:25.880 You know, you ever watch like Steph Curry videos where he's just like, and you're like,

00:33:30.340 this is weird.

00:33:31.620 Yeah.

00:33:31.820 Like, he's haunted.

00:33:33.060 Electronics.

00:33:33.420 Yeah, like they're haunted.

00:33:34.100 Yeah, like he might be a witch.

00:33:35.440 Like they're haunted by a video game.

00:33:36.940 Yes.

00:33:37.400 I got a question for you.

00:33:38.340 How long do you think Tekashi 6ix9ine will live? 1.00

00:33:42.880 I think it's under a year.

00:33:44.860 Really?

00:33:45.440 I really do. 0.97

00:33:46.640 I don't, I think he, I just think someone's going to kill him. 0.82

00:33:51.640 Like for all the, what he did. 0.56

00:33:54.080 Yeah.

00:33:54.320 I don't see how you survive that.

00:33:57.340 And I also don't see how he gets bodyguards.

00:34:01.520 Like I don't, I don't, how desperate must a bodyguard be?

00:34:05.440 Because you're, he's also going to die.

00:34:08.460 But bodyguard, that's your job.

00:34:09.840 I mean, you don't, I don't think you have a bunch of plans if you're a bodyguard.

00:34:13.120 You know what I mean?

00:34:16.200 Like I don't think you have like a bunch of.

00:34:17.660 You don't have like a five year plan.

00:34:19.680 You don't have like, I want to be here.

00:34:21.900 Then I want to be a different kind of bodyguard.

00:34:24.200 Yeah.

00:34:24.300 There's no like, yeah.

00:34:26.040 Just be big and walk.

00:34:27.560 And get hit by stuff.

00:34:28.540 Yeah. 1.00

00:34:28.860 Stand in front of shit. 1.00

00:34:29.860 Get hit by car. 1.00

00:34:30.760 Yeah.

00:34:31.080 Yeah.

00:34:31.340 Take arrows.

00:34:32.260 Yeah.

00:34:33.980 Do you, but with that said, with that, will you be a little disappointed when he dies?

00:34:40.800 I think he, I'll say this.

00:34:42.860 I find him to be a hilarious cartoon brat.

00:34:46.440 Yeah.

00:34:47.040 In the abstract.

00:34:48.520 You want to talk about a living troll?

00:34:50.980 Yeah.

00:34:51.960 I mean, a living.

00:34:53.460 A living.

00:34:54.000 He's like, he's like, if you remember that twilight zone where there's a thing on the

00:34:59.140 wing, there's like a monster on the wing in the plane.

00:35:02.420 It's, that's what Takashi looks like.

00:35:04.800 He just looks like, like a little goblin. 0.85

00:35:08.040 He's a goblin. 1.00

00:35:08.820 He's a fucking legend. 1.00

00:35:09.680 I think, dude. 1.00

00:35:10.560 I mean, I think he, I think, I agree.

00:35:14.100 I don't think he's going to live that long.

00:35:15.180 Okay.

00:35:15.340 Is that what you're talking about?

00:35:16.640 Yeah.

00:35:21.120 This looks like something Spike Lee.

00:35:22.580 You're the 83 version of Twilight Zone.

00:35:25.220 Oh, it's a new one.

00:35:26.440 I like that.

00:35:27.520 No, but that one's good.

00:35:28.580 That guy, he's more of like a snow.

00:35:30.360 But dude, but here's the thing though.

00:35:32.240 His music is good.

00:35:34.220 Oh yeah.

00:35:34.660 That's the thing is I've never listened to his music.

00:35:36.240 I will say I listened to XXXTentacion after he died and I was surprised by how good it was.

00:35:41.040 Yeah.

00:35:41.280 I was like, oh, this is like, there you go.

00:35:43.960 That's more what I was thinking. 0.61

00:35:45.660 But he trolls.

00:35:46.640 Oh yeah.

00:35:48.160 I can see that a little.

00:35:49.440 Takashi.

00:35:50.400 Well, he's going to have to, it's going to be a unique world that he lives in because he's

00:35:55.800 always going to have to be in hiding unless, does he have to go back to jail?

00:35:58.440 Do you know, Nick, if he has to go back to jail after the virus?

00:36:03.120 I don't know where it's at.

00:36:04.940 I don't think he's out because of the virus.

00:36:06.740 I think he's out because of the, I think he's out because, because he just did, he turned

00:36:14.500 state's witness.

00:36:16.660 But here's the thing.

00:36:17.540 Did they even bust anybody that he snitched on?

00:36:21.320 I think they did.

00:36:22.740 They must have.

00:36:23.340 I don't think they, I don't think they would bargain.

00:36:26.200 I don't think you would get a, uh, uh, plea deal if you didn't have good information.

00:36:32.380 Cause that's my guilty pleasure is going and watching his stuff sometimes and seeing what

00:36:36.060 he's up to.

00:36:36.840 You know, I watched the video. 0.99

00:36:39.440 He's yeah, he's a, he's a, he's a, he's a, he's a living troll. 0.96

00:36:43.100 Yeah. 0.78

00:36:43.740 Like he recently, he tried to out billboard.

00:36:45.760 He was saying that, um, Justin Bieber and Ariana Grande paid to get number one on the billboard.

00:36:51.400 Yeah.

00:36:51.760 He was saying that like at the last minute people would buy, you know, listens to their

00:36:55.720 songs or something.

00:36:56.560 So now, yeah.

00:36:57.740 But I mean, I think that kind of stuff has always been like those charts can be manipulated.

00:37:02.200 I feel like, yeah.

00:37:04.060 Well, what's funny is like the song is called I'm back and they mad.

00:37:07.580 Yeah.

00:37:08.140 Well, it's like, yeah, you, of course they're mad. 1.00

00:37:11.720 You fucking snitched on a gang. 0.99

00:37:14.600 He did lie or he snitched or whatever, but I can't believe there's so much. 1.00

00:37:18.240 Is there a lot of like, is there a real code of conduct between some of these fucktards 1.00

00:37:26.900 really? 0.98

00:37:27.720 Like, I think the only, like, well, yeah, first of all, it's like, yeah, Kodak Black don't

00:37:32.180 seem like he has a real code of conduct, you know?

00:37:35.140 Yeah.

00:37:35.420 I think the thing is you're not, the one thing you're not supposed to do is you just can't

00:37:40.140 snitch.

00:37:40.480 If you're all doing crime, you can't, you can't flip.

00:37:43.260 But that's the only, I think that's the, but none of them.

00:37:47.020 Yeah.

00:37:47.140 That's a good rule.

00:37:48.120 Yeah.

00:37:48.340 Like none of them have like you, to your point, I don't think that they don't have a code,

00:37:52.160 but it's, they start doing it cause they're desperate.

00:37:55.400 And then it's like, well, they made that decision.

00:37:57.560 They did crime cause they're desperate.

00:37:59.600 They're going to turn cause they're just going to, what's the desk.

00:38:03.120 And if you're in a desperate situation, he's going to take the, he's just going to continue

00:38:07.280 to take the, I bet he dies of an overdose.

00:38:09.600 That would be more, yeah, cause I don't, I'm sure his existence is a form of misery as 0.99

00:38:17.720 like angry and fucking, ah, it's, it's gotta be scary. 0.97

00:38:22.280 Like your body can't take that kind of stress. 0.99

00:38:24.960 Yeah.

00:38:25.240 I agree.

00:38:25.680 The constant like, Oh, them, them, them, like them, them, them. 0.59

00:38:29.000 And you really do have people out to kill you.

00:38:31.720 Yeah. 1.00

00:38:32.440 To kill you. 1.00

00:38:33.200 Someone could openly say, I want to kill you. 1.00

00:38:35.340 And everyone would be like, even the cops would be like, but is he now under with 0.98

00:38:39.460 witness protection?

00:38:40.420 Is he under, are police watching him?

00:38:43.200 Like, are they protecting him as well?

00:38:45.300 I don't, that, I don't know.

00:38:47.260 I don't know.

00:38:47.880 I don't think the cops are going to protect him, but I don't, I think the craziest program

00:38:52.060 would change your identity.

00:38:54.240 I'll tell you what, we, here's a question.

00:38:55.920 We don't know this.

00:38:56.900 We definitely don't know.

00:38:57.900 All right.

00:38:58.280 What is Tekashi's, um, plea agreement?

00:39:02.720 All right.

00:39:03.120 This one, I think you will get.

00:39:06.560 All right.

00:39:08.360 Name three people who have served as governor of California.

00:39:14.720 Oh, Gavin Newsom.

00:39:16.240 Mm-hmm.

00:39:17.300 Uh, Sonny, uh, Son, uh, I know this.

00:39:22.180 I can't believe you're about to say who you're going to say.

00:39:24.700 Really?

00:39:25.140 I can't believe that you, I, cause I didn't even remember this one.

00:39:27.560 I don't know if I remember it, but let me think, uh, uh, Reed, I think his name was

00:39:35.040 Sunshine Brown, uh, Jerry, Jerry Sunshine.

00:39:43.060 Sunshine was like his nickname.

00:39:45.020 Yeah.

00:39:45.240 Sunshine, Jerry, Jerry, Jerry Brown.

00:39:48.100 Uh-huh.

00:39:48.480 Wow.

00:39:49.800 And, uh, oh, Villaragosa and, uh, Antonin Villaragosa.

00:39:56.100 No, I don't think he was governor.

00:39:58.540 It wasn't, oh, oh, he was a mayor.

00:40:00.580 Yeah.

00:40:01.060 Yeah.

00:40:01.460 Yeah.

00:40:01.740 I thought, uh, those were the ones I thought you would get.

00:40:04.140 I thought you might get Pete Wilson.

00:40:06.520 Nope.

00:40:07.140 There was a second governor of, he's really old, but his, his name was Sonny, James Rolfe.

00:40:12.120 Did you mean Sonny Jim Rolfe?

00:40:13.480 No.

00:40:14.300 I did not even know that guy.

00:40:15.780 Be honest.

00:40:16.540 Did you mean Sonny Jim Rolfe?

00:40:18.120 No.

00:40:18.460 That guy looks like he definitely has your, he would get sunburned.

00:40:23.500 He does, he would have to wear leather driving gloves if he drove my family around.

00:40:28.600 Look at that mustache.

00:40:30.080 What a mustache. 1.00

00:40:31.240 That's a goddamn broom. 1.00

00:40:33.060 What do you, uh, are you like, what are you okay with right now? 0.99

00:40:38.440 Like, what are you okay with as far as like socially right now do you feel like?

00:40:44.260 Um, I don't.

00:40:46.060 Like, would you go on a date?

00:40:47.000 Would you take a date somewhere?

00:40:48.200 I don't think I would.

00:40:49.860 I don't think I would.

00:40:50.880 Uh, because I don't, I mean, would I have a date over?

00:40:58.820 I don't think I would do that either in that I don't want someone I don't know at my house.

00:41:04.120 Right.

00:41:04.720 But is that just a general rule of thumb?

00:41:06.700 No, I would.

00:41:07.560 Well, no.

00:41:07.960 The problem was that was like my, I mean, I would just go like, let's just go to my house.

00:41:12.560 And like, I'm not like.

00:41:14.060 Do you have a nice place?

00:41:14.660 Yeah, it's nice, but it's not like, hmm, it's nice. 0.57

00:41:16.940 But it's meaning I'd rather do that than like, let's go to the fucking bumper car or whatever people do on dates. 0.94

00:41:23.920 Right. 0.99

00:41:24.360 Miniature.

00:41:24.800 I just wasn't, I don't really drink.

00:41:26.560 So that really reduces what you can do on dates as you know.

00:41:30.680 Yes.

00:41:30.920 You would rather take just a more low key approach.

00:41:32.880 Yeah. 1.00

00:41:33.000 Like let's just order some food and talk and talk and watch Netflix and talk shit. 0.97

00:41:37.560 And which, if you're going to make a move on a check, do you kind of do the couch kind of move? 0.98

00:41:41.280 Is it that sort of thing?

00:41:42.120 Yeah.

00:41:42.180 I have a couch and, um.

00:41:44.860 Yeah.

00:41:45.100 But it's like, you kind of scoot closer on the couch.

00:41:49.020 You, I feel like most of my first kisses in the recent life have been in my car.

00:41:57.480 It's a Tesla.

00:41:58.860 So.

00:41:59.500 Hell yeah, it is, brother.

00:42:00.800 I mean, say no more.

00:42:02.260 Yeah, dude.

00:42:04.500 And that cousin kisser they call it. 1.00

00:42:06.620 Yeah, it's a MAGA wagon.

00:42:10.860 It's so great.

00:42:11.820 Can you imagine how many angry liberal people?

00:42:14.620 Oh, it's got to be 90%.

00:42:15.740 Like, are just driving a Tesla right now and be like, oh.

00:42:17.900 Furious.

00:42:19.060 Furious.

00:42:20.140 It's proving the opposite of what you wanted to signal.

00:42:23.560 Wait till one day he just presses a button and the Patriot plays on the dashboard of everyone. 1.00

00:42:28.240 Yeah, fucking bald eagle. 0.99

00:42:28.740 So, it's been a MAGA, but on the couch, yeah, it's, I'm, rarely is it like the first kiss 1.00

00:42:37.820 on the couch.

00:42:38.340 Usually, it's in the car because we go somewhere or whatever.

00:42:40.700 Oh, yeah, yeah.

00:42:41.400 And then it's like, okay, goodbye.

00:42:43.080 Yeah.

00:42:44.960 That's what it sounds like.

00:42:45.840 What do you, like, this is always the weirdest moment, I feel like.

00:42:49.820 If, like, because you, like, I feel like, here's how you know, I feel like if a girl

00:42:54.200 doesn't want to kiss you, she gets out of your car real fast. 1.00

00:42:57.020 So, that's the vibe I kind of take is like, okay, there's an opportunity to kiss, maybe

00:43:01.760 kiss here, you know. 0.96

00:43:02.740 I think if there's any delay, they, here's the, one of the, if there's a delay in like,

00:43:10.780 okay, so, then do something.

00:43:16.040 Right.

00:43:16.200 Now, if she, double check, sometimes they'll double check their bag to make sure.

00:43:19.680 Yeah, like, oh, do I have everything?

00:43:20.880 Yeah, do I have my, do I have my keys?

00:43:23.320 That can sometimes be a faint, that can be like a fake out, that, like, kisser, that's

00:43:29.260 not a, that's not a green light.

00:43:31.000 Yeah.

00:43:31.220 If there's just a delay and like a beat of like, huh, that's the time.

00:43:37.400 A thing that I do sometimes, Theo, is I will say maybe a half hour before I'll be like,

00:43:43.460 you know, I'm going to kiss you, just so you know.

00:43:45.780 Ooh.

00:43:46.620 At the end of the date.

00:43:48.020 Just FYI.

00:43:48.940 I like that.

00:43:49.700 Yeah.

00:43:50.340 That Cupid's arrow is coming, honey.

00:43:52.020 Little Cupid arrow.

00:43:52.940 I got him in my quill.

00:43:54.340 I like that, yeah.

00:43:55.920 Let me show you.

00:43:57.040 Yeah, little, just so you, FYI.

00:43:59.100 Oh, I like, that's a good idea, because it's, it's like flirty, but it's kind of like.

00:44:03.420 It's flirty, it's, you're asking, you're basically asking for consent.

00:44:07.680 It's like reverse psychology.

00:44:08.340 And you're asserting, you're being assertive, which women like. 1.00

00:44:11.040 Yeah.

00:44:11.220 Um, they like, like, I want a guy who's like assertive and like, so you just go, and then

00:44:16.180 if she goes, no, you're not, then you're okay.

00:44:18.200 Yeah. 0.83

00:44:18.540 You're like, you're damn right. 0.74

00:44:19.460 I'm not.

00:44:20.420 Who even, why?

00:44:21.080 I don't even like his.

00:44:21.720 Yeah. 1.00

00:44:22.120 I fucking hate mouth. 1.00

00:44:23.320 Now, here's the crazy thing. 0.99

00:44:24.540 Do you ever notice, like my whole life I've been like this?

00:44:27.400 Like, I've been like, so if you are like, I just don't know what I'm talking about.

00:44:32.600 And then my brain kind of shuts down and I can't even hear what I'm saying anymore.

00:44:36.960 And then I'll just go in like real quick.

00:44:39.820 I feel like.

00:44:40.240 There is that thing.

00:44:41.300 No, it's like when they're, a bomb goes off in a movie where it's like.

00:44:46.880 Or there's a bit like.

00:44:49.960 That's what it's a bit like before you're going to move in for a kiss where there's a

00:44:55.160 bit of like, it's a nether world underwater.

00:44:59.760 It's not normal life.

00:45:01.600 It's a little heightened and there's a little like fear.

00:45:05.580 It's like a move.

00:45:06.560 It's like, we're taking this to the next.

00:45:09.140 I'm always like, yeah, I love going to different places.

00:45:11.460 There's just something like, it's always some.

00:45:14.000 Your last.

00:45:14.500 Oh, that's funny.

00:45:15.200 Your last line before you make out.

00:45:18.180 It always trails.

00:45:19.120 It's always like a bummer.

00:45:20.500 Like, no, you're right.

00:45:21.260 We should.

00:45:21.880 Yeah.

00:45:22.860 It's horrible.

00:45:23.540 Oh, really?

00:45:24.020 Your parents are.

00:45:24.780 Chickens are great.

00:45:28.320 They have overinflated the COVID death rate.

00:45:31.600 But yeah, that is a funny.

00:45:35.040 I remember the first time I kissed a girl.

00:45:37.380 It was like, I was like in sixth grade, fifth or sixth grade.

00:45:41.340 Oh, yeah.

00:45:42.200 And it was like sponsored by another couple who were hooking us up.

00:45:47.140 Me and this girl.

00:45:48.220 Was it like a church group?

00:45:49.400 No.

00:45:49.720 Well, it was Catholic school.

00:45:51.660 Oh, yeah.

00:45:52.080 That is weird.

00:45:52.360 And so they were like, we're all going, let's go to the park, make out with Margaret.

00:45:57.580 What was her name?

00:45:58.320 This is back in the 1800s.

00:45:59.860 Yeah.

00:46:00.540 Definitely.

00:46:01.160 Wait, I think I saw this.

00:46:02.460 Was this Little Women?

00:46:04.680 Yeah, it was Little Women. 1.00

00:46:06.160 It was Little House on the Prairie.

00:46:08.000 Is this Sense and Sensibility?

00:46:10.060 Margaret.

00:46:10.600 Again, no one thinks you know Sense and Sensibility.

00:46:13.080 That's what I'm talking about.

00:46:14.140 Dude, one of the best movies to take a nap to in the history of the world, put on Sense 0.99

00:46:17.460 and Sensibility, and fucking lay down. 0.99

00:46:19.740 Even the voiceover of Sense and Sensibility is a whisper. 0.99

00:46:24.480 Scorsese directed Sense and Sensibility.

00:46:26.180 Really?

00:46:26.620 Yeah. 0.99

00:46:27.000 That's a fucked up. 0.99

00:46:27.980 Yeah. 1.00

00:46:28.580 The fucking King of the Gangsters also directed Sense and Sensibility. 0.99

00:46:32.680 Anyhow. 1.00

00:46:33.280 It was good.

00:46:34.120 So as they were going, Margaret, I was on the ground.

00:46:37.820 Margaret, great older.

00:46:39.620 She's coming in for the kiss. 0.99

00:46:41.000 And the last thing I heard was.

00:46:42.060 Great older.

00:46:42.560 She was a great older, yeah.

00:46:44.300 They said, open your mouth to me.

00:46:47.060 And then I opened my mouth.

00:46:48.140 And then I was like, oh, this is weird. 1.00

00:46:49.980 You just fucking tongue, tongue, tongue, tongue, tongue. 1.00

00:46:51.860 Do you think, going back to that space, that you opened your mouth and you opened your 1.00

00:46:56.980 eyes wider at the same time when they said that, just out of like some weird like.

00:47:01.120 No.

00:47:01.580 I think my eyes might have been closed.

00:47:04.340 Oh, yeah.

00:47:04.960 I could see that.

00:47:05.180 I think my eyes were closed.

00:47:06.920 And they were like, you got to open your.

00:47:08.900 Hey, guy.

00:47:10.020 You got to open your mouth because this isn't going to be anything.

00:47:12.300 If you don't open your mouth.

00:47:13.460 I don't think they were like clamped.

00:47:15.780 Yeah.

00:47:16.080 I just think that they were not.

00:47:17.580 It was not kissing.

00:47:19.020 They were not in a kiss position.

00:47:20.000 Hey, buddy.

00:47:21.400 Hey, guy.

00:47:22.520 Not for nothing.

00:47:22.940 Doors closed, buddy.

00:47:23.560 You got to get going, man.

00:47:25.480 We got to look.

00:47:26.500 We feel awful.

00:47:28.760 All right.

00:47:29.220 Question number four.

00:47:33.460 Theo, what is it?

00:47:36.200 And do you think Theo knows the answer?

00:47:38.840 Does Theo know what a carburetor is and does?

00:47:49.100 Yes.

00:47:50.080 Yes, he does.

00:47:52.100 Go.

00:47:52.720 I'm going to say.

00:47:53.500 I think he does.

00:47:54.260 You think so?

00:47:55.040 Yeah.

00:47:55.220 This is the sort of thing I expect you to know, but if you told me you didn't, I, because

00:47:59.580 you're.

00:48:00.540 A carburetor, I feel like.

00:48:02.940 That carburetor, boy.

00:48:05.080 That carburetor.

00:48:06.380 I feel like a carburetor takes heat off of the engine.

00:48:09.540 What do you think, Nick?

00:48:11.440 I have no idea.

00:48:13.200 Does it have smoke in it?

00:48:14.400 I'm looking at it.

00:48:17.220 Carburetor.

00:48:19.860 That carburetor.

00:48:20.700 I like that you're trying to think of the times you've heard it, people talk about it.

00:48:25.700 Yeah.

00:48:26.580 A carburetor is a device that mixes air and fuel for internal combustion engines and the

00:48:29.840 proper fuel.

00:48:30.400 Yeah, I don't know.

00:48:31.460 That carb.

00:48:32.580 You got to use that carb.

00:48:33.700 And look what they call it in Australia.

00:48:35.080 You'll like this.

00:48:37.620 What?

00:48:38.120 A carb-y.

00:48:38.800 A carb-y.

00:48:39.600 Of course.

00:48:39.840 Because it's Australia.

00:48:41.600 They put a Y on the back of everything.

00:48:43.920 I met a guy from Australia the other day.

00:48:48.100 That carb-y.

00:48:49.500 Yeah, so carburetor.

00:48:50.460 All right, so that, I bet a lot of people are surprised you didn't know.

00:48:53.160 Because I didn't really know.

00:48:54.200 And I still don't even, now that I know what it is, I'm like, I don't really know what

00:48:57.460 that is.

00:48:58.420 It feels like it's part of the engine.

00:49:01.320 Yeah, it sounds like it is.

00:49:02.860 That carburetor boy.

00:49:03.960 It is part of the engine, but I don't, I, let's not count that one.

00:49:09.360 Oh, I'm counting it.

00:49:10.300 Okay, count it.

00:49:10.900 So you did know the Bears.

00:49:12.660 You didn't know Spike Lee.

00:49:13.920 You did know California.

00:49:16.140 You did not know what a carburetor is.

00:49:18.920 Okay.

00:49:20.460 Here's one.

00:49:21.500 Okay.

00:49:23.160 Will Theo know what AIDS is an acronym for?

00:49:30.300 I think you will.

00:49:33.420 I'm going to go with autoimmune deficiency syndrome.

00:49:38.760 That is correct.

00:49:39.720 I believe it's acquired immune, but it might be autoimmune.

00:49:42.800 Either one is right.

00:49:43.640 Nick.

00:49:49.140 Acquired, but autoimmune is fine.

00:49:51.320 Do you, did you ever think you had AIDS and got tested for it?

00:49:55.760 No.

00:49:56.240 I mean, other people think I have it.

00:49:57.660 Really?

00:49:58.360 Look at me.

00:49:59.880 I've never think AIDS.

00:50:01.100 No, I know.

00:50:02.780 The AIDS, like something lesser.

00:50:04.620 Like HIV.

00:50:06.220 Like you're not full blown AIDS.

00:50:07.560 I didn't think maybe that you had a neighbor that had polio.

00:50:11.220 That's what I would think, dude.

00:50:12.380 Yeah.

00:50:14.240 I never, no, but you remember having sex in the 90s.

00:50:18.680 Oh, yeah.

00:50:18.980 It was like a, it was, you, it was scary.

00:50:23.800 It was.

00:50:24.360 Oh, there was definitely a fear.

00:50:25.440 Think about AIDS, like really think about AIDS.

00:50:29.140 More than I think about STDs now, you would think, am I going to die from this?

00:50:34.340 Oh, I remember being so angry at somebody when I was young that I told people they had AIDS.

00:50:39.720 How old?

00:50:42.680 Oh, man.

00:50:44.540 Like grade school, high school?

00:50:46.300 Now that I sound it out, probably.

00:50:49.560 Graduate school.

00:50:50.720 Probably 29.

00:50:52.220 Wow.

00:50:52.620 Were they, I don't want to know any follow-ups.

00:50:58.040 I don't want to know any more.

00:50:59.320 Did they have, did they ever confront you about it?

00:51:02.340 Huh?

00:51:03.180 No, man.

00:51:03.900 It's not funny.

00:51:04.400 And I hope that they're doing good too.

00:51:07.600 Is there something interfering with your happiness, with your joy, with that sunshine getting inside of your body and just bouncing off inside of you?

00:51:17.240 Is there something that's preventing you from achieving your goals?

00:51:20.680 Maybe you came out of a relationship and it's been heavy.

00:51:26.180 Maybe you had a hamster transaction go south and you got the bad end of a ham.

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00:55:25.460 What about this, though?

00:55:26.600 I wanted to ask you this, actually.

00:55:28.620 Is do you, uh, do you, what are we talking about?

00:55:36.540 Aids, neighbor. 0.99

00:55:37.520 Aids. 0.97

00:55:38.520 I look like I have.

00:55:40.360 Do, oh, I'll tell you this.

00:55:42.800 So, whenever, yeah, in my 20s, I had, I had pretty heavy erectile dysfunction.

00:55:48.460 I just had severe anxiety with what I had, sexual anxiety.

00:55:52.600 So, man, I would get, like.

00:55:54.480 You, do you have, do you still have sexual anxiety or you have sexual? 0.59

00:55:57.840 I still have it. 0.92

00:55:58.480 Neuroses?

00:55:59.360 I still have it.

00:56:00.420 Like, I still get, like.

00:56:03.180 Yeah, like, I still definitely have, like, some issues.

00:56:05.040 Like, if I get in a relationship, like, I don't, like, it's just tough for me to want to have sex if I'm in a relationship.

00:56:09.280 That kind of thing, like.

00:56:10.980 And do you, have you, like, talked to a therapist or anybody about it?

00:56:13.440 Oh, yeah.

00:56:14.200 They're tired of hearing about it.

00:56:16.540 Honestly.

00:56:17.000 What do you, what do they think it is?

00:56:19.340 Fear of intimacy?

00:56:20.500 Yeah, probably fear of intimacy.

00:56:22.100 Just.

00:56:22.620 But it's not, like, performance, like, I'm not a man or I'm not going to be good at it or I'm not.

00:56:27.380 I don't think it's that, yeah.

00:56:28.540 Yeah.

00:56:28.820 And when I was younger, I just didn't know what it was.

00:56:30.720 I just knew that I was just super, super nervous.

00:56:33.060 And so I remember going to the doctor one time and saying, look, I just want to make sure that I know that this is just in my head or if it's in my body.

00:56:42.080 Right?

00:56:42.580 Because this reminds me of the story you told me about your buddy.

00:56:44.280 Yeah.

00:56:45.080 So they gave you an injection, this man. 1.00

00:56:48.780 And this guy was a complete asshole. 1.00

00:56:51.460 I think if you're going to inject something to somebody's penis. 1.00

00:56:53.840 Yeah, that's, yes. 1.00

00:56:55.160 Have a little bedside manner.

00:56:56.940 A little something.

00:56:57.380 Yeah, this guy was like.

00:56:58.640 Lollipop or a story or something. 0.99

00:57:00.100 Yeah, this guy was like that monkey on the Donkey Kong just fucking humming barrels. 0.98

00:57:04.600 This guy did not care at all, right? 0.99

00:57:06.680 Like, he'd throw a barrel of softener at a dick on a ladder, you know? 0.97

00:57:11.780 Like, this guy just. 0.98

00:57:13.240 But here's what they did. 1.00

00:57:14.280 They injected something into your penis. 0.99

00:57:16.700 And they say that it's going to get hard for a while. 0.99

00:57:23.260 And, and then you have to just monitor and let them know, like, how long it stays hard for.

00:57:29.560 And, and you basically just stay in this, I stayed in this room for like six hours.

00:57:33.900 And it was the scariest thing ever, man.

00:57:36.780 And did you have a boner the whole time?

00:57:39.000 Yeah, I had a boner the whole time.

00:57:40.360 And yeah, it starts to get, it gets kind of discolored.

00:57:42.420 And you're like, what is going on?

00:57:44.120 You get scared.

00:57:45.060 It hurts.

00:57:46.060 Yeah. 1.00

00:57:46.340 It does, it's just too much blood trying to get out of your penis. 0.99

00:57:49.340 It's like all your blood wants to, it's almost like trying to, like your blood is like trying 0.98

00:57:52.920 to have a bloody nose, but it's in, but it can't.

00:57:54.860 Yeah, but it can't.

00:57:55.800 And it's like, it just, man, it hurts so bad.

00:57:59.080 But I ended up finding out, yeah, it's nothing physical.

00:58:00.860 You don't have any physical problem. 0.99

00:58:02.940 Were you not supposed to jerk off? 0.98

00:58:05.120 Did he, did he give you a direction on that? 0.98

00:58:06.940 I can't remember. 0.99

00:58:07.860 It was too painful to, to masturbate. 0.98

00:58:10.200 Wow, that's interesting. 0.99

00:58:11.320 Yeah.

00:58:11.660 Because the injection was just to make sure that blood, that the blood flow was working.

00:58:15.380 Yes. 0.99

00:58:15.660 So it was like, okay, we're going to see how long these like things in your penis, blood 1.00

00:58:19.640 tanks or whatever, will stay full. 0.99

00:58:22.580 And, uh, oh, dude, it was so scary.

00:58:25.380 And the guy was so mean.

00:58:26.560 And I was just, not that you're supposed to be nice, I guess. 0.98

00:58:28.840 No, but it's, if you're dealing with dick stuff, it seems like, like, you know, be, be 0.97

00:58:34.280 humane about it. 0.97

00:58:35.400 Yeah.

00:58:35.980 Because it's a tend for a guy.

00:58:37.560 It's like, it was scary.

00:58:39.200 It's, it's like a, it's a, it's a cause of fear and like vulnerability.

00:58:45.960 Yeah.

00:58:46.340 And I was flirt, I was a flirt with that way.

00:58:48.320 I mean, I'm always flirting with whoever.

00:58:49.860 Yeah.

00:58:50.180 You know, I'll, I'll, I'll flirt with everybody, but, um, oh man.

00:58:54.700 But that, yeah, that was miserable, but it did help me realize, okay, it's nothing physical

00:58:57.600 in my body.

00:58:58.440 Yeah.

00:58:58.660 So there's nothing in my body.

00:58:59.740 Were you relieved that there was nothing physical?

00:59:01.180 Or were you like, okay.

00:59:02.020 That took off a ton of, okay.

00:59:03.280 Because I just had no idea.

00:59:04.520 I'm always like, maybe I'm not stretching enough.

00:59:06.460 Yeah.

00:59:06.580 Maybe I'm not having enough lemonade, you know, just anything.

00:59:08.760 Yeah.

00:59:09.200 It could be like, I don't know if I can have that. 0.99

00:59:10.600 That'll clog my dick up, you know? 0.99

00:59:12.320 No, two pieces of cheesecake. 1.00

00:59:13.700 No way.

00:59:14.300 You know?

00:59:14.640 And this is probably before Google.

00:59:15.960 So it's just all word them out.

00:59:17.480 Yeah.

00:59:17.780 Yeah.

00:59:18.560 When Google could just be anybody.

00:59:20.340 Yeah. 1.00

00:59:20.720 It could be any fucking. 0.99

00:59:21.460 Yeah. 0.99

00:59:21.620 Google was just a, anyone you were talking to was Google.

00:59:24.500 You know who really was Google?

00:59:26.580 You know?

00:59:27.040 An older relative.

00:59:28.460 Yeah.

00:59:28.820 Yeah.

00:59:29.420 Was absolutely Google. 1.00

00:59:31.480 You fine, you little faggot. 1.00

00:59:33.060 Yeah. 1.00

00:59:33.380 Like, all right.

00:59:34.220 Jesus Christ.

00:59:35.460 Yeah.

00:59:35.720 Well, then there it is.

00:59:36.700 That's my, there's my answer.

00:59:39.580 Yeah.

00:59:40.000 It just gets so like, I don't know, man.

00:59:42.180 But anyway, so that was relieving just to know that.

00:59:44.220 But would you go down on women or do something to, to kind of take the focus off of you or

00:59:52.860 to push the focus off?

00:59:54.640 I would do anything, man.

00:59:55.660 I would be like, oh, I got to go, you know, let me run something to eat.

00:59:59.160 Oh, anything, anything to kill time. 0.99

01:00:01.080 So people don't have to fuck, you know? 0.99

01:00:02.780 And I don't have to be one of those people, even though I wanted to be one of those people. 0.99

01:00:05.520 But would you start, would you like get, would you, would you ever do the thing where

01:00:10.180 you give them an orgasm and then you like, oh, you know what? 0.88

01:00:13.900 I'm not, we don't have to worry about me. 0.91

01:00:16.000 No, that's been later in my life. 0.51

01:00:17.200 Like, I'm not into it, like ejaculating or anything like that.

01:00:20.180 Like, that's kind of, I don't really do that anymore. 0.71

01:00:23.220 Like, if I'm doing sex, I'm not doing any, I'm more, I'd rather not ejaculate now.

01:00:30.280 I feel like it's almost, it's more avant-garde or something, or more, not avant-garde, but 0.85

01:00:35.880 more.

01:00:36.060 This is where I go, I have no idea what you're going to say. 0.98

01:00:38.760 When you go, now ejaculating, and I'm like. 0.94

01:00:41.160 Well, it's like it's old-fashioned. 0.95

01:00:41.940 I literally could say anything.

01:00:43.500 Well, I want to be on that, you know, I want to, I'm always trying to think of like, yeah,

01:00:46.200 I just, I don't know, coming on somebody seems old-fashioned.

01:00:49.220 We talked about this the other day, didn't we? 0.98

01:00:50.580 Or ejaculating onto somebody just seems so like game. 0.98

01:00:53.480 Oh, it's so, it's so cave-y. 0.98

01:00:56.420 Yeah, it's like caveman. 0.98

01:00:58.200 Yeah, it's like ejaculating your own house, you know? 0.96

01:01:00.440 Yeah, or something. 0.98

01:01:01.480 Like, get out.

01:01:02.400 What are you doing?

01:01:03.360 Yeah.

01:01:04.260 Go in the, go in the, go to the bathroom. 1.00

01:01:06.320 Yeah, yeah, what a creep. 0.99

01:01:08.320 What are you? 1.00

01:01:08.640 Yeah, your penis has a problem, apparently. 1.00

01:01:10.720 Yeah, like, why would you, what's happening? 1.00

01:01:12.880 Yeah, it is so graphic and so like, it's crazy because women just like, you know, shake. 1.00

01:01:21.760 Yeah.

01:01:22.600 Whereas we have a deliverable.

01:01:25.220 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

01:01:27.320 We have a new thing.

01:01:29.280 Like, look at this thing.

01:01:30.940 Yeah.

01:01:31.720 I have a thing, a third thing now.

01:01:33.740 I conjured this thing up.

01:01:35.560 What about this?

01:01:36.920 Like, ah, I've seen that.

01:01:41.340 But yeah, man, that stuff was always tricking me.

01:01:43.680 And the worst thing is, is figuring out like being sexually comfortable for me anyway, the toughest thing.

01:01:49.060 It's just, you're like, man, I want to figure this out.

01:01:51.220 But then time keeps ticking.

01:01:52.620 And you're like, I mean, I have to really 100% figure it out in this life, you know?

01:01:57.280 Yeah, yeah.

01:01:58.040 That's the, that's a funny thing where, I don't know if we talked about this last time, but it's like, yeah, I don't know.

01:02:03.300 Maybe I don't get married.

01:02:04.980 Maybe that doesn't happen for me.

01:02:06.440 Maybe there's not enough time in life for me to crack that.

01:02:10.340 80 years, man, just, it's a 190-year problem.

01:02:14.880 Yeah.

01:02:15.620 It's a 190-year riddle, and I just can't, I don't have time.

01:02:20.620 I'm never gonna, there's no point in starting, because I'll never solve, it's not solvable.

01:02:26.640 Yeah, for, yeah, sometimes I think that about certain things, like, especially when it comes

01:02:30.120 to like, kind of relationships, and that comfortability, and that sort of thing, and the intimacy in relationships.

01:02:35.240 For me, I'm just like, man, and at a certain point, I don't want to endanger anybody else's

01:02:39.560 feelings anymore.

01:02:40.580 That's exact, dude, that's, and I don't know if we talked about this before, that's exactly

01:02:44.280 the point.

01:02:45.300 It's when guys, guys do the most damage when they think they can be good.

01:02:52.940 Like, I'm, no, I'm a normal, healthy person.

01:02:56.060 Meanwhile, you're like, no, you're not.

01:02:57.380 Yeah. 1.00

01:02:57.940 In the back of your head, you're like, you're fucking not normal and healthy. 1.00

01:03:00.640 Yeah. 0.99

01:03:00.880 But you're like, no, I want to be the kind of guy who seems normal and healthy, and you're

01:03:05.580 just not, and then they ruin women's lives. 1.00

01:03:08.640 Yeah, yeah.

01:03:09.460 Because women want to believe it, and women. 1.00

01:03:12.080 Nick knows it, and he's done it.

01:03:13.180 Women, and you, did you get married? 1.00

01:03:15.260 No.

01:03:15.940 Did you ever live with somebody?

01:03:17.980 I kind of am at the moment.

01:03:19.860 And are you any good at it?

01:03:21.940 Yes, I work all the time, so it helps.

01:03:24.600 Yeah.

01:03:25.000 Yeah.

01:03:25.520 But we don't have any gifts for it.

01:03:28.720 No, and it's true, yeah, that's my biggest.

01:03:30.280 Or maybe some guys do.

01:03:31.820 I will say, I don't have many, and it sounds like you don't have many.

01:03:35.660 Yeah, I think it's really tough for me.

01:03:36.920 I think that's one of the reasons, like, sometimes I like spending time with my ex-girlfriend,

01:03:39.840 because it's just, we at least, like, get along well, and it's easy.

01:03:44.420 Yeah, and the expectations are manageable.

01:03:47.360 The expectations are manageable, and I care about it.

01:03:49.260 It's like, and it's not like, we don't have, like, a real sexual, there's not that element

01:03:53.640 in our relationship, really.

01:03:55.080 So, it's just like a friendship, really.

01:03:57.580 Yeah.

01:03:57.780 And so, it's like, I almost start to think sometimes, I don't know, man, maybe this is

01:04:02.320 crazy to think, but it's like, maybe I just would get married to a friend or something,

01:04:07.020 and just, you know.

01:04:09.560 Well, then you're into, do you need a companion?

01:04:13.320 Because there have been times during this COVID where I've been like, man, I'm glad no one

01:04:18.240 was here this whole time.

01:04:19.620 Right.

01:04:19.900 Like, or I'll be here, I'll be like, someone would have had, a girlfriend would have been

01:04:23.980 here the whole time and would be with me right now.

01:04:27.800 Yeah.

01:04:28.220 And I, and I wouldn't be escapable.

01:04:30.720 Yeah.

01:04:31.160 You just can't.

01:04:32.300 And that's where I'm like, I'm not, I don't think I'm built like that.

01:04:36.480 I don't need a companion.

01:04:39.920 So, a lot of people do.

01:04:41.500 I don't think I do.

01:04:43.200 From what I can tell.

01:04:44.660 But do you think you would like to challenge it?

01:04:46.820 Because I think that too, for myself sometimes, it's like, okay, sometimes I think, well, then

01:04:51.180 maybe I, but am I willing to challenge myself enough?

01:04:54.900 But what's the challenge?

01:04:56.640 It's like, it's like.

01:04:57.860 To see if I can just be like, yes.

01:04:59.700 To see if I can just be like, yes.

01:04:59.740 To see if I can just be like, yes.

01:05:00.220 Can I get through it?

01:05:01.860 Yes.

01:05:03.020 I can get through it.

01:05:03.740 There's something about that, though.

01:05:04.880 There's something about some guy, seeing some guy, you know, right before he dies, and 0.98

01:05:09.900 his wife's right there, and he's like, I fucking did it. 0.99

01:05:14.020 Yes. 0.99

01:05:14.720 You know, there's some element of like, I respect that guy.

01:05:18.140 When I see that guy, dude, and his wife is saying something, and he hadn't heard of her

01:05:21.820 12 years, you know?

01:05:23.260 Because he's heard it all.

01:05:24.240 He knows what it is.

01:05:25.780 You know?

01:05:26.400 Yes, there is something.

01:05:27.420 There's a level of like, why should I salute that guy?

01:05:30.660 Absolutely.

01:05:31.620 Do you salute her, though?

01:05:34.880 If the places are traded, if she's in bed, she's on a deathbed, and he's been a loyal

01:05:42.520 husband.

01:05:43.520 I mean, I think, yeah, I think it's great what she's doing, you know?

01:05:46.480 But I think the women salute her, you know?

01:05:48.460 Like, I only, I guess I'm thinking specifically from a man, you know, like...

01:05:51.840 Well, that's the thing of like, the men, sometimes it's not hard to be around women, but like, 0.85

01:05:58.960 we don't have a ton in common, just like, naturally, like, where we, the stuff we talk 0.99

01:06:04.820 about, the way we deal with each other, like, men fuck with each other constantly. 0.98

01:06:09.580 Oh, yeah. 0.99

01:06:11.320 And we're interested in different shit, like, women generally don't love violence the way 1.00

01:06:17.260 we do. 0.99

01:06:18.120 They don't love competition.

01:06:18.980 Whatever.

01:06:19.440 There's just like, a lot of significant differences.

01:06:21.980 There are a lot of ways in which we do line up, but then there's a lot where we don't.

01:06:26.080 So, I don't, sometimes I find that I can't, the good stuff isn't worth the bad stuff, meaning

01:06:34.420 the stuff where it's like, butting heads isn't worth the, like, nice parts.

01:06:40.480 Right.

01:06:40.540 Sometimes it is.

01:06:41.320 Sometimes it is.

01:06:42.660 But it's like, it, it, so I, I can get through this.

01:06:47.640 I've stayed in relationships I didn't, shouldn't have stayed in.

01:06:50.560 Oh, yeah. 0.98

01:06:51.180 Because of, like, I wanted to make a fucking effort. 0.97

01:06:54.520 Yeah. 1.00

01:06:54.720 I'm fucking. 1.00

01:06:55.820 Get in there, Admiral. 1.00

01:06:57.140 Yeah. 0.99

01:06:57.460 Like, I fucking did it. 0.99

01:06:58.840 Get back in there. 0.99

01:06:59.640 Yeah. 0.99

01:06:59.840 Like, fucking put, throw the quarter. 0.99

01:07:03.020 Yeah. 1.00

01:07:03.500 Off of my fucking face. 1.00

01:07:05.420 Yeah. 1.00

01:07:05.900 Yeah.

01:07:05.960 I can do it, but it doesn't mean I should.

01:07:09.580 And that's the thing that bothers me about kind of societal norms is like, you should.

01:07:15.520 It's admirable.

01:07:16.780 I'm like, why?

01:07:18.040 It doesn't mean, it's just a thing that I got through.

01:07:20.720 It's not a thing that, why do you want me to do a thing I don't really enjoy?

01:07:24.760 Right.

01:07:25.160 But then I want, right.

01:07:26.100 I agree.

01:07:26.740 I wish I enjoyed it.

01:07:28.060 There's my, I'm also saying I wish I enjoyed it more.

01:07:30.240 I wish I was an easier, I wish I had an easier personality.

01:07:33.720 But there's something also then about being part of, but I don't know, but I agree.

01:07:38.500 And then I think like, but then also there's probably somebody that, you know, needs to be

01:07:42.940 loved out there and I could do my best to help them, you know, or to love them, you know?

01:07:46.580 And then I think like, you know.

01:07:48.860 There's billions of people that need to be loved.

01:07:50.720 By you.

01:07:51.520 Right.

01:07:51.720 So then if you could just get one, you know, get them in the house, you read together sometimes.

01:07:56.340 No, I know.

01:07:56.780 But then it just becomes like a bird.

01:07:59.640 You're just getting a bird.

01:08:00.880 I mean, you're, you know what I mean?

01:08:01.680 Like each other's birds.

01:08:02.380 You're getting an iguana.

01:08:04.080 That's fine.

01:08:04.960 I think some relationships are like that.

01:08:06.140 I think some of them, it's, you guys are each other's pets almost in a way.

01:08:09.300 Yeah.

01:08:09.680 You know, I think.

01:08:10.440 Look at my Rodney, you know?

01:08:11.940 Yes.

01:08:12.420 He got a New Jersey.

01:08:13.220 The way they talk about men is like that.

01:08:15.820 We're like, see?

01:08:16.880 And I, do you see what I did?

01:08:18.400 And I got him a shirt and I got him the douche.

01:08:22.000 And he, huh?

01:08:22.460 Come on, Rodney.

01:08:23.220 Show him your new shirt.

01:08:24.140 And we're like, huh?

01:08:25.500 And he's been, Rodney's been dead for a month.

01:08:27.260 But there's something, though.

01:08:30.000 It's, it's.

01:08:31.180 But getting up, being alone, being alone isn't fun either a lot of times.

01:08:35.260 I don't mind it.

01:08:36.100 Being alone long term, I think it gets lamer, though.

01:08:40.420 As we, as we get further into our lives, I think it gets lamer.

01:08:45.920 And sometimes you're like, can you still relate to people as much?

01:08:49.600 Are you just that outsider?

01:08:50.640 Well, that's the problem. 0.94

01:08:51.300 People start thinking you're homosexual as well.

01:08:53.280 They, or.

01:08:54.100 You know?

01:08:54.700 Oh, there's Gabe Randall or whatever.

01:08:56.600 He can't, you know, his wife, you know, he don't have a wife.

01:08:59.740 Yeah, they don't put anything on you.

01:09:01.600 If you're married to a woman. 0.51

01:09:04.100 I collect cards, too.

01:09:05.180 I did a joke about that.

01:09:05.460 Oh, he collects little pictures of men?

01:09:06.900 Yeah, he does.

01:09:07.860 Yeah, no, that's the joke I was, I did a joke about.

01:09:11.120 As a woman, don't give you any. 1.00

01:09:13.220 If you, I'm 46, I've never been married. 1.00

01:09:15.940 Women are like, this guy's a maniac. 1.00

01:09:19.500 Oh, yeah, you're getting into that freaking, yeah. 1.00

01:09:21.820 Fucking man, how old are you? 1.00

01:09:23.840 I am 40 years old. 1.00

01:09:25.420 Yeah, you're welcome to it.

01:09:27.100 I'm 40, I'm gonna be 41.

01:09:28.700 Yeah.

01:09:29.000 Next year. 0.96

01:09:29.780 Yeah, so, like, I'm in the fucking, I'm in the, like, the, I used to do a joke, like, 0.99

01:09:35.080 women would give me more credit if I'd been married and murdered my wife. 1.00

01:09:38.580 Yeah. 0.76

01:09:39.660 Then having never been married, like, something's the matter with you.

01:09:42.700 Yeah, most of my, the biggest thing I feel like I want, I just want to apologize to any

01:09:47.920 women that I've ever been in a relationship with.

01:09:50.880 I think what we're trying to say here is, sorry.

01:09:54.440 I feel like, yeah.

01:09:55.800 But I bet you're a decent, I bet you're, like, nice.

01:10:00.760 Are you not nice?

01:10:01.300 Oh, yeah, I think that I am nice.

01:10:02.560 Like, I'm mostly nice. 0.94

01:10:04.660 I mean, I have, like, I have a, like, jagged personality, but I'm not, like, an asshole. 0.83

01:10:09.280 When I was young, I had some separation disorder, though, definitely. 0.89

01:10:12.140 Whoa, like?

01:10:12.840 Like, I remember my first girlfriend, like, she, you know, kind of banged some other guy, 0.99

01:10:18.320 and then I remember I put Nair in her shampoo.

01:10:21.200 Huh.

01:10:21.720 And, like, I was, you know.

01:10:24.080 Yeah.

01:10:24.360 I was looking, I was headhunting, you know?

01:10:26.820 Yeah.

01:10:26.900 And I was going to start with the hair, you know?

01:10:28.280 I was just.

01:10:28.700 Yeah.

01:10:29.460 Just angrier, like.

01:10:30.780 That, well, that's not on you.

01:10:31.400 Hiding outside of a girl's apartment, you know? 0.99

01:10:33.280 I mean, that's, that's, I don't think you would have done that for no reason.

01:10:37.480 Yeah, I think I was young, too.

01:10:38.820 Yeah. 1.00

01:10:38.980 You know, that's, some of that's that young, that young shit. 0.99

01:10:41.540 Yeah, like, you don't know what else, you think that's, well, now I have to put Nair in 1.00

01:10:46.320 her shampoo.

01:10:46.940 Yeah.

01:10:47.160 Like, naturally.

01:10:48.340 This is how this ends.

01:10:49.240 Yeah, this is, that's the, that's the logic.

01:10:52.120 Yeah, this ends with her looking like a little bit of. 1.00

01:10:54.280 Did she end up using it?

01:10:55.960 Like, like, not Doc Rivers, I don't know who I was thinking of, but she didn't, one of

01:11:01.060 her roommates used it, but she was fine.

01:11:04.140 All right.

01:11:05.040 And I didn't know, I didn't know anything about it.

01:11:06.860 I mean, Nair is such a strong smell, they can tell instantly.

01:11:09.180 Oh, got it.

01:11:09.800 I've never, I don't know what it smells like.

01:11:11.100 It's not like.

01:11:12.200 Burnt?

01:11:13.320 Like, chemically?

01:11:14.960 It smells like, like it's nice, but.

01:11:21.440 But that somebody could really get hurt.

01:11:22.960 That's what it smells like.

01:11:23.800 It smells like, oh, wow, this is kind of cool, but then you're like, oh, this could be really

01:11:26.720 dangerous.

01:11:27.820 I had a Theo thought one time where I was thinking, and I was like, I should give this to Theo,

01:11:33.300 where I was thinking about sex, like the smell of sex afterward.

01:11:41.020 Oh, yeah.

01:11:41.540 And I had the thought, it smells like people been doing arts and crafts.

01:11:45.720 Oh, yeah, yeah.

01:11:46.820 And then I thought that I should give that to Theo.

01:11:49.120 With their body, dog.

01:11:50.660 Yeah.

01:11:51.020 Been making some arts and crafts.

01:11:52.580 Did you ever, I don't even know why I'm talking about all this today, but did you ever feel like 0.99

01:11:56.200 one of your underarms smelled like vagina sometimes? 1.00

01:11:59.120 Did that ever come to your mind? 1.00

01:12:00.540 Well, this is another question, though.

01:12:03.280 What's the longest you've gone on COVID without taking a shower?

01:12:07.400 And how bad did it get?

01:12:09.340 Oh, nothing too crazy.

01:12:10.440 I would say maybe 72 hours, probably.

01:12:13.440 If I'm not feeling good, I'll have to go back to sleep and restart my day.

01:12:17.000 That's why I'm one of those kind of people, like, I have to take a nap.

01:12:20.300 Like, if I get real angry or anything, I have to take a nap and then kind of restart my day.

01:12:23.840 Basically, like, a 7-point old.

01:12:27.860 Put yourself in timeout.

01:12:29.380 But if I can't do that, if I can't fall back to sleep, I'll take a shower.

01:12:32.620 Okay.

01:12:33.100 And so that'll get me, it's like a recalibration.

01:12:35.800 72, that's three days?

01:12:37.580 Yeah, I would say three days, casual.

01:12:39.160 What do you think, Nick?

01:12:39.980 For me, personally?

01:12:41.260 I shower every day.

01:12:42.500 I love showering.

01:12:43.480 It starts my day. 1.00

01:12:44.600 Oh, God damn, bro. 0.99

01:12:46.300 Sorry, Professor. 1.00

01:12:46.920 Sorry, Obama.

01:12:48.480 Yeah.

01:12:49.480 It's relaxing.

01:12:50.440 Sorry, Chancellor.

01:12:50.940 Yeah, I think I went four days during COVID, and it smelled like Wrigley Field after the

01:13:05.480 seventh inning stretch.

01:13:06.580 Ooh.

01:13:08.120 That's getting messy.

01:13:09.180 The bathroom, the long urinal.

01:13:12.180 If you've been to Wrigley Field, they used to have, like, trough urinals.

01:13:15.360 Oh, yeah.

01:13:15.900 Family style.

01:13:16.820 Yep.

01:13:18.100 And that's what it smelled like.

01:13:19.700 Oh, yeah.

01:13:20.940 And then, that was on the bottom.

01:13:23.280 Up top, I would say, it smelled like.

01:13:28.000 Look at a beautiful, beautiful.

01:13:29.100 There it is.

01:13:29.900 Piss of teary is right there.

01:13:31.340 There it is.

01:13:32.520 Not the ivy.

01:13:33.360 I love that.

01:13:34.100 Oh, you could eat out of those.

01:13:35.020 Yeah, that's wonderful.

01:13:36.160 That's a salad.

01:13:37.380 It's a salad bar right there.

01:13:38.840 That's a buffet. 0.93

01:13:41.320 That's a before photo.

01:13:42.240 So, and up top, it smelled like someone was making soup.

01:13:47.380 Oh, yeah.

01:13:48.460 But no one was making soup.

01:13:49.940 Yeah.

01:13:50.760 I get that beefy smell sometimes.

01:13:52.660 Yeah.

01:13:53.240 Where it's like onions and.

01:13:54.960 But do you ever have that, do you ever notice one of your underarms and be like, oh, wow, 0.96

01:13:58.380 that smells like a wimp, like a female's kind of. 1.00

01:14:01.480 Yeah. 0.99

01:14:01.960 Yeah.

01:14:02.460 I mean, I think it's the same dynamic, which is.

01:14:06.180 Closed up space.

01:14:07.060 A closed area.

01:14:07.440 Where there's some sweat.

01:14:08.220 Yeah.

01:14:08.600 Closed up.

01:14:09.220 Yeah.

01:14:09.440 I mean, they, yeah, they add another element.

01:14:13.020 Yeah.

01:14:13.200 Yeah.

01:14:13.700 But yeah, that's interesting.

01:14:14.880 Yeah.

01:14:14.980 Because I always thought I was the only person and I can't tell anybody this. 0.96

01:14:17.660 I always felt like it was this crazy secret that I had like a vagina under, like, or 1.00

01:14:22.160 like I was supposed to be a woman. 0.99

01:14:23.220 You know what I'm saying?

01:14:23.560 Like when you're young, you think like, oh my God.

01:14:25.340 Yeah.

01:14:25.480 You know, there's like a woman trapped under my arm. 0.97

01:14:27.780 Yeah. 1.00

01:14:28.100 Or sorry, you know, just crazy shit. 1.00

01:14:29.540 Yes, of course. 1.00

01:14:30.200 What else we got, Nick?

01:14:31.840 Anything else good?

01:14:32.720 Hold on.

01:14:34.120 Oh.

01:14:36.040 Okay.

01:14:38.340 I believe you're going to know this.

01:14:41.260 Name two books by Ernest Hemingway.

01:14:44.040 Oh, I know this one.

01:14:46.520 What did the audience think?

01:14:49.260 Kind of told me.

01:14:50.000 I would have guessed yes.

01:14:51.100 I think he knows literature quite a bit, actually.

01:14:54.660 I hear some crazy references pulled out.

01:14:56.860 And I'm going to go with Sun Also Rises and Moby Dick.

01:15:01.960 Half right.

01:15:03.140 He did not write Moby Dick.

01:15:04.640 Are you serious?

01:15:05.880 Yeah.

01:15:06.180 I had the same thought and I can't remember who wrote Moby Dick.

01:15:09.180 Did one of his friends write it?

01:15:11.160 Who wrote it?

01:15:12.260 Oh, man.

01:15:12.780 I can't even remember either.

01:15:13.700 It is Herman Melville.

01:15:16.760 Oh.

01:15:17.080 Do you want a third?

01:15:20.360 Do you want to guess a different one?

01:15:22.900 Hemingway?

01:15:24.000 No, I just knew that one they had us read in high school, Ernest Hemingway.

01:15:27.720 I never really liked Hemingway, man.

01:15:29.740 I thought it was good.

01:15:30.660 I think Muriel's pretty hot.

01:15:32.560 But I never read it.

01:15:32.980 I haven't read any of it.

01:15:33.980 You haven't?

01:15:34.440 No.

01:15:34.680 It was always a little, I don't know, short.

01:15:38.940 I like the short sentences and stuff. 0.98

01:15:40.160 He was like super into like outdoorsy guy shit, right? 0.99

01:15:44.940 Yeah. 1.00

01:15:45.500 He hunted and stuff.

01:15:47.200 Was he really?

01:15:47.840 Yeah, yeah.

01:15:48.260 Boats and.

01:15:49.160 And he was a soldier.

01:15:49.840 He was like Cameron Haynes, basically.

01:15:51.020 Yeah.

01:15:52.340 This is kind of early Cameron Haynes, I guess.

01:15:55.540 All right.

01:15:56.220 We did not.

01:15:56.980 I'm surprised.

01:15:57.820 Sorry, folks.

01:15:58.620 He did not know.

01:16:00.280 This one I think you're going to know.

01:16:01.540 Name three songs.

01:16:05.100 Can you name three songs by Def Leppard?

01:16:11.120 Let me think about it.

01:16:12.720 Def Leppard?

01:16:14.240 Uh-huh.

01:16:15.320 I would say.

01:16:19.780 It's not Def Leppard.

01:16:24.700 No. 1.00

01:16:25.920 Fuck. 1.00

01:16:26.740 I would have guessed you did. 1.00

01:16:28.420 I would have guessed you did.

01:16:29.200 I was going to say Cherry Pie.

01:16:30.460 That's what I was going to say.

01:16:31.380 That's Warrant.

01:16:32.340 That's Warrant.

01:16:33.020 Yeah.

01:16:33.900 That's Warrant, bro. 0.96

01:16:34.600 I fucking love Warrant. 0.97

01:16:36.500 Here we got The Old Man and the Sea, For Whom the Bell Tolls. 0.98

01:16:39.940 Those are not Def Leppard songs.

01:16:42.200 Those are.

01:16:43.240 That is Hemingway, Books, In Our Time, Sun Also Rises, Fairwood Arms, Do Have and Have

01:16:50.340 Not, For Whom the Bell Tolls, The Old Man and the Sea.

01:16:52.740 What do you think?

01:16:53.640 I have a question then.

01:16:54.420 What do you think?

01:16:56.600 How do you think comedy looks after this?

01:16:58.500 Where do you think we go from here?

01:16:59.620 I don't know.

01:17:03.840 I mean, everyone has a different theory.

01:17:06.620 I've never been where people are like, people were saying early like the comedy middle class 0.99

01:17:12.280 is going to be fucked. 0.98

01:17:13.300 People that are open micers that work day jobs will be fine and then headliners will be okay. 0.99

01:17:19.960 I don't know if anyone's going to have to stop doing stand-up.

01:17:27.180 Do you know what I mean?

01:17:27.740 Like, I don't think anyone, I don't know how many clubs are going to shut down completely,

01:17:31.940 but so you just headline fewer clubs, I guess?

01:17:36.200 Well, yeah, I mean, there's less money coming in.

01:17:38.760 I mean, we had Brad Williams was on the other day.

01:17:40.460 Yes, I think that there will be less money, but I don't think it'll be, you can no longer

01:17:46.740 be a comedian.

01:17:47.920 I think you can still make a living doing it.

01:17:50.160 It'll, for some people, it will be a worse living, but I don't know.

01:17:54.640 I was supposed to start a show in New York, like a one-man show, May 5th.

01:17:59.060 Wow.

01:17:59.600 And had the theater and everything, and then it's just gone.

01:18:04.220 Do you, I mean, I can't help it.

01:18:06.340 It's interesting because you can fly on an airplane.

01:18:08.620 Yeah.

01:18:09.520 But you can't sit in a venue, you know?

01:18:13.000 Well, that's what the, I read yesterday, I think 50% of, like, hospitality and live events

01:18:21.940 is down 50% employment.

01:18:24.380 So half the people are unemployed.

01:18:25.900 But then there's, I read another thing where they, there are venues like 300 Seaters are

01:18:34.680 basically saying to headliners, like headliner, headliners, like there's a place called City

01:18:40.660 Winery in New York.

01:18:41.560 There's like eight of them.

01:18:42.340 There's like, in different cities, it's basically a live music venue or performance venue.

01:18:47.660 They, they basically said to headliners, like, we could have 80 people in here and you can

01:18:54.480 charge whatever you want.

01:18:56.220 So there are, there are certain acts that are thinking like, I could charge 300 bucks

01:19:01.560 a ticket.

01:19:02.200 Right.

01:19:03.280 And if it's 80 people, that the gross is 24 grand.

01:19:08.260 Right.

01:19:08.680 Maybe I can walk with 14 or whatever, you know what I mean?

01:19:12.500 Like something, or you get the whole door.

01:19:14.680 Like if you, if you have fans that can pay a lot of money, you could do shows tomorrow.

01:19:19.760 Right.

01:19:20.060 You just have to charge people a lot of money.

01:19:21.660 Yeah.

01:19:22.320 Right.

01:19:22.580 To, to, in order to enforce social distancing, you're going to, I, but I, once there's a,

01:19:27.900 let's say there's a vaccine in a year, I think it goes more or less how it was. 0.95

01:19:33.160 I don't fucking know. 0.91

01:19:33.880 I, it seemed right. 0.97

01:19:35.200 What do you think?

01:19:35.820 I think so.

01:19:36.440 I think, yeah, I think you get back to, I mean, I think, you know, some of the clubs

01:19:43.880 are opening up.

01:19:44.460 They had a hundred people and 125 people in the ones that, in Oklahoma city and, and,

01:19:50.080 uh, and Salt Lake city.

01:19:53.080 I just wonder if they're going to, you know, if that works, I can't see them after, you

01:20:00.220 know, a couple of weeks, not sliding in an extra table here or there, you know, or like,

01:20:04.060 yeah, I mean, a little bit of that's going to happen.

01:20:06.280 So you're going to increase that.

01:20:07.880 Will there be raids or will people, I, I had the thought and I, and I'm, I'm, I'm,

01:20:14.800 fairly sure.

01:20:15.760 I'm not certain about much in COVID.

01:20:18.320 There's not going to be another lockdown.

01:20:20.860 Meaning once this lockdown's over, they're not going to be able to do another one.

01:20:26.140 Right.

01:20:26.600 I don't, I just don't think people are going to go for it.

01:20:28.940 Yeah.

01:20:29.040 I don't know if, because I think now I think people are like, okay, we did that.

01:20:32.140 We tried to flatten the curve.

01:20:33.520 I think now too many people just don't know what to believe.

01:20:37.000 There's that.

01:20:37.640 I also think even if there's a second wave in the fall, I think you're not going to be

01:20:44.080 able to shut the country down.

01:20:45.300 I just don't, I think people are going to be like, nah, man, we did it.

01:20:49.000 We gave, we did three months.

01:20:51.160 Right.

01:20:51.520 Of, of a, a worse life for almost everybody.

01:20:56.160 I have a worse life for everybody.

01:20:57.100 It's a worse life.

01:20:57.880 Right.

01:20:58.140 It's more different life.

01:20:59.620 Yeah.

01:20:59.960 It's, but I think for a lot of people, it's people are, even I'm not that social.

01:21:03.700 I still wish I could go work and do socialize.

01:21:07.880 Right.

01:21:08.080 Yeah.

01:21:09.200 I don't think people are going to go for it again.

01:21:10.960 I think it'll be some of it on the right will be, we don't believe you.

01:21:14.420 And some on the left will be like, ah, come on, man.

01:21:18.280 Like we did it once.

01:21:20.500 The economy's on life support.

01:21:22.500 Yeah.

01:21:24.140 And so that's the, I think that this, if there is a second wave, I think it's going

01:21:30.660 to be every man for himself.

01:21:31.960 I think people are just going to be like, there you go.

01:21:36.140 I love that. 0.98

01:21:36.920 You and Shaw were going to be fucking flying high. 0.98

01:21:38.200 I've always felt every man for himself. 0.98

01:21:40.100 What do you think?

01:21:40.580 You like that, Nick?

01:21:41.540 I don't know if you, you could completely quarantine and not leave your house if that's

01:21:45.160 the fear, if you're older.

01:21:46.280 That's what I'm saying.

01:21:47.020 Like my mom's 87 and I've had to like yell at her and be like, look, stay home.

01:21:54.880 Like, well, I, no, no, you're 87.

01:21:58.240 There's a, if you get COVID over 80, there's a 20% chance you die.

01:22:02.100 That's a fricking Rappaport right there.

01:22:04.000 Yeah.

01:22:04.400 Now, having said that, there was a guy, show the picture of the guy who was at Miami music

01:22:12.880 festival and he almost, he was ripped.

01:22:16.480 It was on Buzzfeed news.

01:22:18.040 He was yoked and then he, and then he got, is it Aaron Berg?

01:22:22.780 This guy was on steroids.

01:22:25.180 Oh, that's funny.

01:22:26.020 I didn't even think about that.

01:22:26.880 I'm so naive.

01:22:28.560 Yeah.

01:22:28.780 He probably, if you don't get steroids for a while, especially during this thing, then

01:22:33.760 you got to, you know, if you do Miami, yeah.

01:22:38.140 I think this, I went to high school with this kid named Chris.

01:22:40.440 I think, is that him?

01:22:41.280 What's this guy's name?

01:22:42.880 Yeah.

01:22:43.140 That guy is, he doesn't have any steroids left. 1.00

01:22:45.580 I've seen this kind of shit. 1.00

01:22:46.900 And if you completely stop lifting, you don't, you don't eat, you dehydrate. 0.99

01:22:52.520 So like it can, so he was in, he was in like intubated for six weeks and he thought it was

01:22:58.560 a week.

01:23:00.020 Wow.

01:23:00.560 Yeah.

01:23:01.020 He like said to the nurse, I'm about like, Hey, so it's been a week.

01:23:03.920 She's like a week. 0.62

01:23:05.300 You've been here six weeks living off the fricking government's dime. 1.00

01:23:08.740 This bastard just laying there in a coma, bro. 1.00

01:23:12.880 You gotta wake up, man. 1.00

01:23:14.100 Bro.

01:23:15.080 Yeah.

01:23:15.500 You gotta get back out of there.

01:23:16.760 Bootstraps it, bro.

01:23:17.780 He went from you to me, basically.

01:23:20.260 Yeah.

01:23:20.860 Tight enough, dude. 1.00

01:23:23.860 Fucking poor guy. 1.00

01:23:25.140 Polio nation, dude. 1.00

01:23:26.720 It was 26% of his body weight in six weeks.

01:23:29.240 That's, it's a lot.

01:23:30.680 Yeah.

01:23:32.000 But that's what I was saying.

01:23:33.640 Like, it's going to be every man for himself.

01:23:35.300 I was joking on the way over here that there should be, uh, you know, like the NFL combine.

01:23:40.860 Yeah.

01:23:41.320 That should just be like, if you can run the 40 and under eight seconds, you're good to

01:23:46.280 go.

01:23:46.820 Like you can, you're good.

01:23:48.780 Do you, uh, like people on the starting line with their book, it's going to be a high jump.

01:23:54.480 Just like, are you fit enough?

01:23:56.540 Yeah.

01:23:56.940 He'll be all right.

01:23:57.480 The chances are you're going to be fine.

01:23:59.100 Yeah.

01:23:59.920 That, and I, but I, cause I truly don't believe they're going to be able to do it again.

01:24:03.260 I don't think, I think enough businesses will be like, I'm not going to have a business.

01:24:08.020 Yeah. 0.98

01:24:08.560 I think there's like a quarter of businesses are fucked anyhow. 0.96

01:24:12.800 Well, a lot of people are operating on the DL. 0.94

01:24:14.720 I go to a trainer and see a trainer on the DL, you know, like, and it's, you know, they

01:24:18.680 have a curtain in front of the, you know, right when you said nobody could see.

01:24:21.860 Yeah.

01:24:22.060 I know people are getting like secret haircuts, back alley haircuts.

01:24:25.120 Yeah.

01:24:25.360 I went, got one yesterday at a garage over in Reseda.

01:24:27.340 Somebody I met off Twitter.

01:24:28.700 Really?

01:24:29.180 Yeah.

01:24:29.680 Oh, that's so funny.

01:24:30.760 So I had to finish it up myself a little bit.

01:24:32.460 She kind of didn't, she didn't do bad, but she didn't do great.

01:24:34.580 But, uh, what do you think about the Joe Rogan deal?

01:24:36.980 There I am right there in that garage in Reseda, man.

01:24:38.900 I rolled in.

01:24:39.820 That's so funny.

01:24:40.080 Her and her husband do it. 0.99

01:24:42.480 That's so goddamn funny. 0.99

01:24:44.980 It was pretty good over there. 0.95

01:24:46.080 I gave her a nice tip.

01:24:46.960 I felt like, and they were, her husband has two kids.

01:24:51.860 Is it, he's divorced, but he has two kids that moved to the town I'm from actually in

01:24:57.180 Louisiana and they're living over there.

01:24:59.700 How old are they?

01:25:01.420 Like adults?

01:25:02.000 They're not of age.

01:25:02.780 No.

01:25:03.100 I mean, the daughter sounded hot, but she's young, you know, but that's what the lady said. 1.00

01:25:07.320 I didn't say that.

01:25:07.880 I didn't even ask.

01:25:09.480 But, uh. 0.97

01:25:09.880 Rogan, I think it's fucking awesome. 0.97

01:25:12.380 I think it's. 0.86

01:25:13.820 What do you think it's going to do?

01:25:14.940 What do you think it's going to do?

01:25:16.260 Well, we talked about this on the phone.

01:25:17.700 I don't, I don't think it's going to do much.

01:25:20.180 Me.

01:25:20.380 I think it's good.

01:25:21.540 I think it's unequivocally good.

01:25:23.880 Um, cause the, like when Howard Stern went from radio to satellite, it was almost like

01:25:31.080 he left popular culture.

01:25:33.900 Whereas Joe podcast is already not, it's already like off the beaten path.

01:25:39.940 So I think he's not going to be reduced culturally at all.

01:25:46.340 Like there's not, he's not going to miss.

01:25:48.100 I don't, I don't know how much that means to him anyway, but I don't, he's not going to

01:25:51.160 be any less relevant culturally.

01:25:53.920 And, uh, it sounds like a lot of money and with very little downside.

01:26:03.180 It's like his listeners have to listen to ads.

01:26:06.560 I think there's a, there'll be a subscription if you don't want to listen to ads.

01:26:09.540 Yeah.

01:26:09.700 Same as YouTube, right?

01:26:10.660 Yeah.

01:26:11.160 Yeah.

01:26:11.520 Um, it seems like he, I mean, he's like the guy to do it.

01:26:14.900 Cause he got, like you said, he got everything he wanted.

01:26:16.740 He's licensed it.

01:26:17.440 So he's not giving up IP.

01:26:18.960 Uh, he can still put out YouTube clips, which is like his biggest growth.

01:26:23.220 More people watch his clips than his full episodes on YouTube anyways.

01:26:26.580 Um, yeah, I don't see, I don't see the downside.

01:26:28.640 People are like, Oh, Spotify might be able to control him.

01:26:30.980 A, I think that's why he listens.

01:26:32.800 They don't want to control him.

01:26:33.460 I mean, he's the reason he's popular is cause he talks about 10 things.

01:26:38.500 Like, you know what I mean?

01:26:39.220 I don't think they're going to be like, could you just focus on UFOs?

01:26:41.600 Yeah.

01:26:42.020 Like I, it's just, they're not going to.

01:26:44.320 And also once, if he feels like if he even sniffs, like they're trying to control him, 1.00

01:26:49.560 he'll just go fuck this, fuck this. 1.00

01:26:52.320 I think that's why he said fuck this to YouTube. 1.00

01:26:53.620 Cause they are doing some of that slightly censorship thing. 0.99

01:26:56.840 I don't think.

01:26:57.240 Oh, are they really?

01:26:57.600 Yeah.

01:26:57.800 I mean, just like if you talk about Corona, uh, they'll demonetize you.

01:27:02.760 Uh, yeah.

01:27:03.980 And I think that kind of stuff could just be getting stronger, you know, as we go along.

01:27:07.000 It definitely seems like on Twitter, it's like extremely, it's a very liberal app.

01:27:11.240 It seems like, you know, like, um, so I think that, you know, I think that I could see some

01:27:18.640 of the other, you know, the giants, some of the other social media giants and YouTube's

01:27:23.880 almost, it's really kind of like social media in a way.

01:27:26.400 I mean, it's, but I'm curious to see what Spotify's new interface is going to look like

01:27:30.920 because if they're going to start video and they're going to have his full episodes and

01:27:35.180 then are they going to buy other stuff to supplement it?

01:27:37.440 Because you can't just go there, you know.

01:27:40.960 I promise you they're going to ask you, Schultz, uh, Santino.

01:27:49.940 I'm sure they've already asked Burr.

01:27:51.760 Obama, does Obama have a deal at Spotify?

01:27:53.820 That's a rumor that I heard.

01:28:01.400 Yeah.

01:28:01.800 There you go.

01:28:02.800 Spotify deal.

01:28:03.820 Yeah, that was back in June already.

01:28:05.040 Yeah.

01:28:05.200 Um, so yeah, like I'm sure they've already asked Burr.

01:28:09.540 I'm sure they've already asked like the, I mean, they, Bill Simmons, they gave him a

01:28:13.360 hundred million.

01:28:14.140 Like they gave him a hundred million.

01:28:15.060 I think it was a hundred.

01:28:16.000 Yeah.

01:28:16.180 Yeah.

01:28:16.400 I think 150, but the difference there, they bought the ringer actually.

01:28:19.520 Right.

01:28:19.980 Joe Rogan just licensed it.

01:28:21.420 Right.

01:28:22.000 Um, but, uh, they also pay Amy Schumer.

01:28:24.480 Uh, she has a doing video show Joe Budden.

01:28:27.460 Yeah.

01:28:27.980 Yeah.

01:28:28.380 Joe Budden.

01:28:28.720 So like they'll, they'll, you know, I think they'd rather have more than less.

01:28:33.320 There's no downside.

01:28:34.460 I mean, I, but like a lot of my podcast is streams on Spotify.

01:28:38.180 Like I don't, Joe wouldn't give it to them.

01:28:41.580 I think.

01:28:42.580 Right.

01:28:43.160 And yeah, I don't think, I mean, and they're going to license, I guess at a certain point

01:28:46.900 he'll be able to get it all back.

01:28:48.420 Yeah.

01:28:48.880 Will they, will they take everything he has on YouTube and put it on to Spotify?

01:28:53.280 The full episodes.

01:28:53.940 Yes.

01:28:54.400 And it's going to be like a slow transition.

01:28:56.300 Okay.

01:28:56.580 So it's been, yeah.

01:28:58.020 So he's got a huge library.

01:28:59.800 He's got 6,000 hours, I would guess.

01:29:03.460 Wow.

01:29:04.220 He's done maybe not 6,000, but definitely 3,000.

01:29:07.620 Yeah.

01:29:07.980 So I don't, I think it's good for both of them.

01:29:09.840 Honestly, their stock went up 10%.

01:29:11.940 Yeah.

01:29:12.980 Like the, on the announcement, like they're, it's good.

01:29:15.300 That's all they wanted.

01:29:17.200 I wonder what their platform is going to be like.

01:29:19.660 Are people, I mean, it is time for YouTube to have a competitor for sure.

01:29:23.920 Yeah.

01:29:24.380 And I don't know if that's the, that's YouTube is going to be hard to compete with because

01:29:29.420 they have a 15 year lead and they're owned by Google and like, they just have a lot of 0.99

01:29:34.320 shit going for them. 1.00

01:29:35.320 Yeah. 0.99

01:29:36.600 But yeah, that's the, that's the, I'm, I'm happy for Joe and it seems like there's no

01:29:44.000 downside.

01:29:44.480 Uh, I'm in, I, that if that's a smart investment on their part, I said, I think I said to you

01:29:50.340 on the phone, the fact that comedy central or a network never got a bunch of podcasts,

01:30:00.160 video podcasts, and just put them on comedy central at 1030, the way he used to put Howard

01:30:07.860 Stern on is bad.

01:30:09.940 It's still baffling to me.

01:30:11.500 It's still because you look at the amount of hits that we get.

01:30:13.960 You'd be like, those are better numbers than comedy central numbers.

01:30:17.640 Yeah.

01:30:18.060 So why would you guys?

01:30:19.320 And I think it's cause they didn't feel like they did it.

01:30:21.980 Yeah.

01:30:22.300 Like love line at night.

01:30:23.220 I remember even having love line on that was like having a podcast basically just sitting

01:30:26.660 there.

01:30:27.240 And that was our, that was kind of a pop.

01:30:29.320 That was a popular show.

01:30:30.280 I felt like.

01:30:30.860 But love line was the, like a produced version of the radio show.

01:30:35.680 I don't even think they needed to do all that.

01:30:37.720 Yeah.

01:30:37.940 They could have, what people didn't realize is this is enough.

01:30:41.900 Yeah.

01:30:42.420 This is enough.

01:30:43.540 They used to, I mean, Howard Stern used to show it and then they acted like, well, that

01:30:47.260 didn't happen.

01:30:48.320 And then I guess I missed it on, he used to be on MSNBC.

01:30:52.800 It's going to be, I mean, it's definitely, it's definitely going to be interesting.

01:30:55.080 Yeah.

01:30:55.280 I think for, for Joe, it's really a no lose.

01:30:57.200 He does licenses.

01:30:58.140 He uses, you know, he can have it back, I'm guessing, whenever he leaves.

01:31:04.400 The thing about Joe is he doesn't seem rich.

01:31:07.460 Right.

01:31:08.060 Even though he's, he's been rich and now he's, now he's like getting to like wealthy.

01:31:15.300 Yeah.

01:31:16.880 He doesn't see, he just doesn't, hasn't really changed.

01:31:20.040 He hasn't, he looks, he looks like he'd look if he worked construction.

01:31:24.040 Yeah.

01:31:24.880 Almost to the outfit.

01:31:26.420 Yeah.

01:31:26.580 Yeah.

01:31:26.760 Like, I saw nothing's different, which is part of his appeal.

01:31:32.000 He just doesn't, that's his sensibility.

01:31:33.620 It's like t-shirts and jeans and.

01:31:35.180 Yeah.

01:31:35.420 And a pocket full of fresh Hawk meat.

01:31:38.880 What about the Comedy Central?

01:31:41.660 Can you pull up Andrew Schultz's video about Comedy Central, please, on his Instagram? 1.00

01:31:45.160 I love this shit. 0.99

01:31:50.160 Schultz called me on the way over here. 1.00

01:31:51.820 He did?

01:31:52.380 Yeah.

01:31:52.780 How's he doing?

01:31:53.320 Good?

01:31:53.640 Good.

01:31:53.820 Yeah.

01:31:54.120 He's always good, huh?

01:31:55.340 Yeah.

01:31:56.760 He's got a good disposition.

01:31:58.120 Yes, he does. 1.00

01:31:58.880 God, lucky bastard. 1.00

01:32:01.140 Comedy Central got fired last week. 1.00

01:32:03.360 Oh, I heard like every exec at Comedy Central got fired last week. 1.00

01:32:07.580 I mean, what the fuck? 1.00

01:32:11.080 I don't want to dance on nobody's beer, but that's what you get, you stupid ass. 1.00

01:32:15.000 Bitches! 1.00

01:32:15.560 That's that Takashi right there. 1.00

01:32:31.220 That's awesome.

01:32:32.220 That's good.

01:32:32.940 Anyway.

01:32:33.540 That's crazy, man.

01:32:34.940 Yeah.

01:32:35.600 I mean, we were talking about it yesterday.

01:32:36.980 They have passed on so many.

01:32:38.660 I mean, I, I, I, like, yeah.

01:32:44.280 I mean, I never understood, like, why they wouldn't just give people the benefit of it.

01:32:49.000 Like, meaning, sign people to, like, a three-year deal and go, just come up with a show for yourself.

01:32:56.580 Yeah.

01:32:57.160 And you can, and they go, all right, we'll shoot it. 0.99

01:32:59.280 And then they go, eh, do another one. 0.99

01:33:01.600 Do another one.

01:33:02.280 Do another one.

01:33:03.020 Like, just, if you're, I have a theory that they didn't ever really like the shows that were hits for them.

01:33:11.460 Like, they didn't like South Park.

01:33:14.620 They just found it crass.

01:33:15.920 Or Tosh.

01:33:16.580 Tosh they didn't like.

01:33:17.660 Yeah.

01:33:17.920 It's just fratty.

01:33:19.660 What they call fratty. 0.99

01:33:20.720 Yeah, like, oh, what is this junk? 0.99

01:33:22.740 Yeah. 0.98

01:33:22.980 That's what's paying your salary.

01:33:24.360 Yes. 0.99

01:33:24.940 That's the shit that keeps, like, review and, and Nathan for you, don't make money. 1.00

01:33:31.260 Tosh fucking makes money. 1.00

01:33:33.980 Chappelle Show makes money. 1.00

01:33:35.680 Yeah.

01:33:35.740 They thought, I think they didn't like the, they didn't like the tone.

01:33:40.520 It's just not, like, sophisticated and buttoned up.

01:33:44.240 So, it wasn't, Daily Show was kind of created in-house.

01:33:48.720 Doug Herzog, who was the president, was like, we should do, like, a sports center for the news.

01:33:52.960 Right.

01:33:53.360 So, and, and they love John.

01:33:55.860 And that's a big moneymaker. 0.99

01:33:57.660 And, and Colbert was a fucking great show, too. 0.98

01:34:00.580 Like, both very good shows and very profitable for them. 0.94

01:34:04.080 And then, but they're now, they had, all the people there had nothing to do with them.

01:34:09.080 Yeah.

01:34:09.140 So, they want to make, sort of, more broad city.

01:34:13.600 And they want to make, like.

01:34:14.860 They made Jordan Kepler, whatever that show was.

01:34:16.360 Yeah.

01:34:16.500 They picked up some, it's like, what is this?

01:34:18.860 They made a lot of stuff that I felt like was, like, very leftist, you know.

01:34:23.740 They didn't stay in the middle of the road at all.

01:34:25.840 Well, they are not in the middle.

01:34:26.940 The people that work there are not middle of the road.

01:34:28.600 Yeah.

01:34:28.700 So, that's what I'm saying.

01:34:29.400 They think Tosh is fratty and Chappelle Show is kind of fratty.

01:34:32.220 And, and South Park's kind of fratty.

01:34:35.520 Like, they don't.

01:34:35.960 It's so crazy.

01:34:36.760 Yeah.

01:34:36.940 I just don't understand that, that you would, I don't know.

01:34:40.780 I just, it makes me mad because I went in there so many times and pitched them so many

01:34:43.820 things.

01:34:44.540 I spent a year developing this really great project with them that I think I'm probably

01:34:47.920 just getting up releasing on YouTube, you know.

01:34:49.460 It just burns me up sometimes, man. 1.00

01:34:54.320 Some of the shit that they made. 0.99

01:34:54.560 Yeah, I did a couple files for them and, and they didn't pick them up. 0.99

01:34:57.800 And I was always like, you don't want to just pick it up just because of Chappelle

01:35:01.660 Show?

01:35:02.840 Just maybe.

01:35:03.900 Yeah, yeah, yeah. 0.98

01:35:04.660 Just maybe, I don't know, fucking maybe, maybe I'm, maybe I'm, maybe I'm good luck or 0.99

01:35:08.680 something. 0.98

01:35:09.700 I am all, I always do well.

01:35:11.760 Like, I did an hour on their network.

01:35:13.760 It rated really well.

01:35:15.040 Yeah.

01:35:15.780 They just, I, I don't, I think certain people, they just don't.

01:35:19.460 They like who they like and they don't like who they don't like.

01:35:22.040 Yeah.

01:35:22.360 And there's just nothing you can do about it.

01:35:24.600 Well, they always.

01:35:25.080 It's like a girl wants to sleep with you or not. 1.00

01:35:27.220 Right.

01:35:27.320 And you can't be like, don't you, look at this tie.

01:35:31.340 It does, I don't care.

01:35:32.360 I, I've already decided.

01:35:34.420 Right.

01:35:34.620 And they make their mind up.

01:35:35.940 They like sophisticated, alternative, Williamsburg-y, Silver Lake-y.

01:35:42.800 That's their, that's their, the people who works there is personality.

01:35:47.640 Yeah.

01:35:48.620 And so you seem correct.

01:35:50.640 You're like Southern.

01:35:52.180 What?

01:35:53.120 Well, they hadn't had a Southern person on the network.

01:35:54.900 I can't even remember since when, you know, it's just so messed up.

01:35:57.860 Cause you, you know, they say they were like, oh, we want to, you know, we want to put alternative

01:36:01.960 voices in this and that.

01:36:03.460 But it's like to get from, you know, a place in like a small town in the South to get here

01:36:10.520 and then to be able to continue to like, you know, weave your way through this place.

01:36:15.600 And then you get to a level where you finally have some opportunity and they say, oh no,

01:36:21.300 this isn't for you. 0.51

01:36:22.240 It's like, do you know how fucking hard it was to do this? 0.96

01:36:24.600 Yeah. 0.94

01:36:24.780 Like it just, well, that's, I mean, the good news, it's not really progressive.

01:36:30.160 It's like progressive is, you know, I don't know.

01:36:34.560 It's high.

01:36:35.060 It's, it is because it's like progressive should just be the funniest people, but then they

01:36:39.220 would get in trouble in the press and amongst their peers for not being more, uh, for not 0.86

01:36:46.300 being more representative and shit like that. 0.64

01:36:48.580 Like, so it just comes down to like the, I, I told Charlemagne this one time. 0.98

01:36:52.080 I was like, white people don't make black movies cause they don't, they go to a cocktail 0.96

01:36:56.920 party. 0.99

01:36:57.860 Making a black movie doesn't give you any cache.

01:37:00.800 They're like, oh, like if you made, if you make a, like a Coen brothers movie,

01:37:09.220 or if you make like, uh, if you make, uh, no country for old men or Fargo, that's, and 1.00

01:37:16.560 you go to a cocktail party, you're going to fucking run that motherfucker. 1.00

01:37:20.420 Right. 1.00

01:37:20.440 But if you are, if you make a Tyler Perry movie, right.

01:37:24.260 If you make the cupboard seven or whatever, yeah, like, so there's just no, there's like

01:37:30.020 less incentive and that's like with a lot of TV execs, they don't, their circle is all

01:37:38.020 liberal snobs.

01:37:39.600 And that's the thing I was saying to you on the phone yesterday.

01:37:41.200 It was like, as a comic, because we're comics, we travel all the time and we see people killing

01:37:50.520 who we don't agree with.

01:37:53.180 So we, every night we get our point of view, like supported and not supported.

01:38:00.140 So we know like our, yeah, my point of view is funny and I think it's right. 1.00

01:38:05.900 And then I go on, I talk my fucking liberal shit. 0.99

01:38:09.740 Then you go on after me and do whatever I do, do your thing. 1.00

01:38:15.520 You do as well, better around the same, whatever.

01:38:18.340 So I can't be like, my point of view is the only point of view, like you can't as a comedian.

01:38:25.620 I cannot think that because a, I have to travel to Dallas and Houston and Austin and New Orleans

01:38:32.800 and like places where people are not like me.

01:38:36.540 Right.

01:38:36.700 But how close minded is it to act like those people's sense of humor isn't relevant?

01:38:41.680 Like that's the craziest thing.

01:38:42.940 I just think that they're biased and they don't even, they think that people, those

01:38:46.920 people's sense of humor is less, is just less sophisticated.

01:38:51.680 And what I would say is they're not, they're obviously it's, some of it is, but there's 0.99

01:38:59.080 some dumb white, there's some like, it's not all fucking earnest goes to camp. 0.99

01:39:03.640 Yeah. 1.00

01:39:03.960 And in fact, a lot of people, that's so old shit. 1.00

01:39:06.160 Of course. 1.00

01:39:07.000 Of course.

01:39:07.560 It's almost like, but by alienating a lot of that part of the country, you alienate a lot

01:39:10.940 of great storytelling.

01:39:11.840 I mean, you alienate, I mean, you just alienate so much, you know, I just don't understand

01:39:15.820 it.

01:39:16.380 So now the good news is you can do your own failed all your, all the way to the back.

01:39:24.160 You know what I mean?

01:39:24.540 Like you failed and no one, it's hard because it's almost like a marriage thing where we don't

01:39:33.040 get that like ceremony of, of success.

01:39:36.920 That's the thing. 0.99

01:39:37.700 You always want to think you want a fucking trophy and a party. 0.99

01:39:41.540 And the, and we'll never get like, you won't get press coverage for this. 0.99

01:39:46.900 You won't get, I think most people look at your views or downloads and be baffled.

01:39:51.840 You know what I mean?

01:39:52.620 Like, they'd be like, what?

01:39:54.980 For that, for just that, they don't understand.

01:39:57.860 They literally are confused by it.

01:39:59.560 Yeah.

01:39:59.720 So that's the great thing about doing standup is like, you just go, Oh, I'm not, I'm like,

01:40:05.020 I'm me, you, Joey, Joe, and Whitney could all go back to back.

01:40:11.680 We all do around the same as well.

01:40:13.360 And we all have completely divergent political points of view or cultural points of view. 0.78

01:40:17.720 And that's, what's fucking awesome about it.

01:40:19.720 Yeah. 0.82

01:40:19.820 And that's how their network should be.

01:40:21.000 I feel like a lot of times or how it should have been.

01:40:23.040 Right.

01:40:23.240 But they don't know how to, I think I told you that they didn't know the Chappelle show.

01:40:29.620 When we first started, they would, they would go like, this isn't, they like, wouldn't like

01:40:34.600 jokes or sketches.

01:40:35.740 And we're like, can we show it to the crowd?

01:40:38.800 Do you mind?

01:40:39.620 Yeah. 0.80

01:40:39.900 And then we'd show it to the crowd and it would kill.

01:40:42.500 And the first couple episodes, they were like, well, your crowd isn't our crowd.

01:40:46.140 It was like, what are you talking, it was just people with biases didn't want to believe

01:40:52.380 that this thing that they couldn't, if they didn't understand it.

01:40:55.280 And then finally, after six episodes, they said, we don't understand it.

01:40:59.420 And you can kind of do whatever you want because they didn't understand it.

01:41:02.920 How messed up, man.

01:41:03.400 I mean, it just, to just act like something doesn't exist.

01:41:07.860 Yeah.

01:41:08.080 That's almost the crazy thing sometimes.

01:41:09.880 Yeah.

01:41:09.900 But it's the bias.

01:41:10.740 It doesn't exist.

01:41:11.780 Yeah.

01:41:11.900 It's the most, it's almost worse to me than like a, it's a racism in a way.

01:41:19.960 It's like a.

01:41:21.440 It's a classism.

01:41:23.120 It's a, it's a, it's, it's like a cultural snobbery and it's cultural bigotry in a weird

01:41:33.440 way.

01:41:33.720 Yeah.

01:41:33.960 To act like you don't exist.

01:41:35.080 Prejudging you because you have a mullet and you get your hair cut in a garage.

01:41:41.900 I accept you.

01:41:43.260 Yeah.

01:41:43.760 No, no.

01:41:44.020 But that's the thing.

01:41:44.560 It's like, they would go like, what they are. 1.00

01:41:46.120 You're like a fucking, you're a fucking, you're a fucking gator man or whatever the fucking, 1.00

01:41:52.120 what was that gator show? 1.00

01:41:53.260 Yeah.

01:41:53.280 Like, oh, this boy's been.

01:41:54.260 You're so, you're a swamp thing.

01:41:55.760 Like there, you're so far off the, but the good news is you can do this.

01:42:02.420 You can invest a little bit of money in your own cameras and you're, and you make great

01:42:07.660 money and you get the underdog status that is its own reward.

01:42:14.140 Like it's more rewarding than you would actually.

01:42:16.480 Yeah.

01:42:16.680 You're like, it is.

01:42:17.880 You'll feel like everyone's rooting for you.

01:42:21.120 There's always a little something you want that wedding though.

01:42:23.280 There's always a little, I know.

01:42:24.440 Cause I think it's anything.

01:42:25.520 You just want to be told you're part of the group.

01:42:28.480 Yeah.

01:42:28.680 That's the thing.

01:42:29.800 It's like, it's the thing of like, oh, you don't exist.

01:42:33.100 It's like, man, that's how I felt most of my life. 0.99

01:42:35.040 Why even had to fucking start telling jokes. 0.97

01:42:36.600 And then I get all the way here to California to the place where it's like, come here. 0.98

01:42:41.460 If you feel like this and I get there and it's not even about feeling like that.

01:42:46.180 It's not about that really.

01:42:47.400 It's about, oh, it's really, oh, we determine if you are, are, are okay or not.

01:42:52.620 You're like, oh, so this is exactly the same thing that I did, that I disproved once.

01:42:58.320 This is exactly the same thing that I left.

01:42:59.900 This is exactly the same thing that ignited all this in me in the beginning.

01:43:03.200 Yes.

01:43:03.820 Is that, uh, we, we don't see you.

01:43:07.360 Yeah.

01:43:08.400 Yeah.

01:43:08.760 Seen by us.

01:43:10.300 And, and I think the, it's just, it's just, you know what it is.

01:43:15.060 It's like, it's, it's kind of painful and unfair.

01:43:19.940 It is.

01:43:20.620 It's like, and I don't, they, it's a limited thing.

01:43:23.460 They have a limited resource.

01:43:24.480 They only can show somebody, whatever.

01:43:25.660 I get that, but as people that feel like, Hey, we're sensitive and we work hard and it's

01:43:33.820 very hard to, and you have no, the amount of times I'm told you're invisible, people

01:43:40.880 would be baffled by.

01:43:42.280 Yeah.

01:43:42.520 And you had one of the biggest shows.

01:43:43.740 Yeah.

01:43:43.920 But like I get, so I do big show.

01:43:46.400 I'm not, I'm talking about like in standup, anything in where it's like, I have big show,

01:43:50.760 I do a big show and then do a Netflix special.

01:43:54.060 It's popular and good.

01:43:55.560 And then I do a half hour Netflix popular and good.

01:43:58.240 And then like Dave Chappelle's getting honored by the Kennedy center and they go, will you

01:44:02.520 write for this?

01:44:03.340 I'm like, will I write for it?

01:44:07.540 No, not even a little bit.

01:44:10.760 Will I write for it?

01:44:12.160 It's just like this constant heat seeking and it's never merit. 0.97

01:44:19.460 It's never just like, I think you're fucking funny. 0.95

01:44:21.920 Yeah. 0.60

01:44:22.080 It's just, no one's making any, it's just weird.

01:44:23.960 It's like, why would you spend your whole life afraid to make a choice or have people

01:44:28.740 on that are like, if you have a show and podcast or whatever, like just have people on that

01:44:33.880 you're fucking good instead of like, Hmm, let me see. 0.79

01:44:37.060 How many followers do you have? 1.00

01:44:38.960 Well, it's the worst.

01:44:39.540 And it became about, yeah. 1.00

01:44:40.520 I mean, fuck them, bro. 1.00

01:44:43.100 You know? 1.00

01:44:43.440 Yeah.

01:44:43.720 And that's, but that's what I like about Joe's success is that he truly just did the thing

01:44:48.460 he liked.

01:44:50.240 He liked UFOs.

01:44:51.320 He liked UFC.

01:44:52.240 He liked drugs.

01:44:54.020 He liked weed. 1.00

01:44:54.800 He liked, uh, uh, fucking conspiracies. 0.99

01:44:59.800 He liked, and he just was like, Oh, talk about that. 0.99

01:45:02.360 Let's get somebody.

01:45:03.220 He loved comedy.

01:45:04.220 And it just becomes like, great.

01:45:06.100 And he had people on based on, I want to have you on.

01:45:09.500 I, I don't know if you're popular.

01:45:11.320 I don't know anything about you other than I saw you and I thought you were good.

01:45:15.920 Not like, Hmm, there's no calculation and there's no like, well, you seem cold.

01:45:21.800 Are you like the, they just were like, you're good.

01:45:25.920 That's it.

01:45:26.540 Full stop. 1.00

01:45:27.320 Or you do well, you kill. 0.99

01:45:29.460 Yeah.

01:45:30.040 Um, that's what it's like, almost like the combine thing where I almost feel like if you

01:45:34.140 do a show and you get laughs above a certain decibel meter, you're good.

01:45:40.720 Right.

01:45:41.460 You can do, you're allowed to do whatever you want, not anything you want, but it just

01:45:45.000 seems like, well, what's the, it's just you personally, it's just, you say no and it's 0.54

01:45:49.840 not based on fucking anything other than your taste and your biases. 0.95

01:45:53.540 Yeah. 0.99

01:45:53.780 Just, it's crazy.

01:45:54.560 It's crazy how you can just, I'd never felt more.

01:45:57.840 It was a couple of years ago, man.

01:45:59.060 Especially like right when all the Trump stuff or whenever like the political, I remember,

01:46:02.380 I remember you were like mad for a year.

01:46:04.740 Oh, I just, cause I just like, man, I was like, man, I'm worth, this is where you're

01:46:08.840 supposed to come if you want to be open minded and think about things and you know, and this

01:46:14.840 is where, and it just wasn't that, it was just a lie, you know?

01:46:18.940 Yeah.

01:46:19.340 And it was like, oh, so you're telling me that we don't judge people, we don't look

01:46:25.840 at this, but then that's exactly what I worked so hard to get my head out of the ground on

01:46:31.480 Groundhog's Day.

01:46:32.500 Yeah.

01:46:32.700 And you're like, oh man.

01:46:33.260 Well, a lot of times it's like people, they don't, they're not against bullying, they're

01:46:37.640 not against racism, they're against bullying against them and bullying against racism against

01:46:43.620 their group or their, they're not against it at all, at large.

01:46:48.680 So that's why I listen to the cost you six and nine.

01:46:51.260 Yeah.

01:46:51.580 No, I know, I know, that's the thing is like, that's why it's like, I know, I know, and

01:46:56.780 you know, I know.

01:46:57.720 Yeah.

01:46:57.960 You know, I know what you're feeling and that's like, like I'm a, like I was thinking

01:47:03.560 on the way over here, like we're similar in that we're like not exactly of either thing.

01:47:11.980 You're not exactly, I'm sure people in, in Louisiana think you've a little Hollywood and

01:47:19.620 people in Hollywood think you're a little Louisiana and you're like, I, and I'm like

01:47:25.140 a nerd, but all the nerds think I'm a jock and all the jocks think I'm a nerd and I'm 0.92

01:47:32.080 like, and, and the, and white people think I'm black and black people think I'm white

01:47:36.980 and I'm just like, ah, I, and you end up feeling isolated.

01:47:42.380 Yeah.

01:47:43.120 And, and it's like a, it's a source of frustration.

01:47:46.520 Sort of frustration is also a source of though, like, I mean, you know, I'm kind of wallowing

01:47:50.000 in that a little bit.

01:47:50.620 I'm almost getting into self pity a little bit, but it's like, yeah, it's also a source of

01:47:54.340 like, oh, this is what has probably always driven me.

01:47:57.540 So, and thank, I'm glad they, that they served another dose.

01:48:01.300 I'm glad that you have guys like Schultz who are like, I'm free enough to say what I want,

01:48:05.060 you know?

01:48:05.500 Yeah.

01:48:06.560 But that's the great, but the funny thing is, uh, like all things comedy or any podcasting

01:48:15.520 network is going to be more valuable in comedy central in five years.

01:48:18.440 Yeah.

01:48:20.180 So as much as it's like, it, it's just one of those things of like, you're getting, you're 1.00

01:48:26.900 40, you see cycles now and you're like, oh, fuck. 0.99

01:48:31.380 Oh, okay. 1.00

01:48:32.120 That's how it works.

01:48:32.860 Okay.

01:48:33.980 That's surprising.

01:48:34.880 But like, I made a bunch of money on DVDs.

01:48:40.540 What?

01:48:41.520 Yeah.

01:48:41.920 What are DVDs like there's George Lucas made money on VHS, Laserdisc, DVDs, uh, and now

01:48:56.880 digital.

01:48:57.400 Like you just have to stick around long enough to, and if you're, and I was talking to a

01:49:03.320 buddy of mine who's, who's a musician.

01:49:05.200 And by the way, no one feels like they've made it.

01:49:07.180 That's the other thing I've learned is no one feels like I'm on top of the world. 0.99

01:49:11.000 Like they, everyone's like, has a list of fucking, uh, grievances and people that fucked 0.94

01:49:17.040 them over and, and way things I'll, they'll never give me. 0.97

01:49:20.880 They'll never give me that.

01:49:22.280 Like everybody who's got it, who's a big singer and he's trying to get a, he's like, I need

01:49:26.180 two more hits. 0.99

01:49:27.080 Then they can't say shit to me. 1.00

01:49:28.720 Oh, wow. 1.00

01:49:29.740 And you're like, you still.

01:49:33.840 And you, if I'll tell you after who it is, you'll be like, that's so God, no one feels

01:49:40.000 like they've done enough and no one feels respected enough.

01:49:43.160 No one feels like legitimized enough.

01:49:45.640 Even the, you know, the most legitimized people.

01:49:48.340 That's the good news.

01:49:49.020 Now I would say that you and I have a legitimate grievance.

01:49:53.000 Yeah.

01:49:53.460 I mean, it's a, I think it's just that thing.

01:49:55.020 I think it's, and you want to feel like you belong.

01:49:59.380 That's the thing is more than anything.

01:50:00.560 It's like, I'm mad.

01:50:01.860 I'm not on this.

01:50:02.840 You probably are like, I'm not mad, but I'm like, no, no, but you know what I mean?

01:50:06.800 Like I, there's all these groups and you're like, I don't, I mean, I know what I know

01:50:12.540 in the ways I'm not like these guys and I know the ways I am like that, but, but we

01:50:17.260 all want to be in the, right.

01:50:19.220 We all want to be included.

01:50:20.360 Yeah.

01:50:20.760 That's all we all, it's all we want at all.

01:50:22.940 Yeah.

01:50:23.360 Yeah.

01:50:23.900 Like we just want to be included and it's hard.

01:50:28.400 And that's, I think the thing that liberals don't understand about conservatives in the

01:50:33.760 last five years, it's just like, it's just been, they've just been excluded for so long 1.00

01:50:39.760 culturally and a bunch of other ways that it's like, Oh, fuck you. 1.00

01:50:45.460 This guy at least cares. 1.00

01:50:47.500 This guy's like me.

01:50:49.140 Right.

01:50:49.620 More. 0.98

01:50:49.940 I mean, now having said that he's not at all like Jared Kushner and fucking those it's 0.99

01:50:56.780 they're the, they're worse than any liberal you can ever meet. 0.99

01:50:59.380 But I'm saying like, like I get, I get it.

01:51:02.880 I get the anger and resentment you feel from being excluded and looked past.

01:51:07.400 Yeah.

01:51:07.780 That's the thing.

01:51:08.280 I think, uh, just not being seen.

01:51:11.000 Yeah.

01:51:11.260 I think everybody feels that you think Nick, everybody wants to be included.

01:51:16.240 You know?

01:51:16.840 Like I feel bad sometimes we're doing an episode and I don't talk to Nick, like I

01:51:19.840 don't mention Nick, you know, it's like, yeah.

01:51:21.740 Not because I think Nick's sitting there thinking, Oh, I wish he would mention me, but 0.99

01:51:25.460 it's like, but you don't, you're a hypocrite if you don't think that you're a hypocrite. 0.99

01:51:29.780 If you're like, we're not left. 0.99

01:51:32.020 Right.

01:51:32.680 May, are the lights on us?

01:51:34.040 Good.

01:51:34.380 Stay back behind that glass monster.

01:51:37.560 In fact, close the door.

01:51:39.900 Um, the door, the open door is freaking me out and get underwater somewhere.

01:51:44.460 But no, it's just because I know that everybody wants to feel mentioned.

01:51:47.880 Everybody wants to feel.

01:51:49.840 Yeah.

01:51:50.240 We just want to feel like a part of something, you know, which I think is one of the reasons

01:51:54.640 why people come out to LA a lot of times because they may be some people anyway.

01:51:58.460 Yeah.

01:51:58.560 They didn't fit in where they didn't fit in.

01:52:00.200 They didn't feel a part of something or they didn't feel like, yeah, they had the full feeling.

01:52:04.320 Um, yeah, but I'm not, I'm not, I get it.

01:52:06.960 And it's, I'm like, I heard Nipsey Hussle one time.

01:52:12.060 I used to say this to Dave and then Nipsey Hussle said a version of it. 1.00

01:52:14.580 What I used to say to Dave is like before special, like his curves fucking fucked. 0.99

01:52:19.240 Um, the half Bay came out, didn't do good, did another movie, didn't do good. 1.00

01:52:23.260 He was just like mad and pissed off and like floundering kind of.

01:52:27.440 And I was like, you're, they'll, they'll let you back in, but you're going to have to walk

01:52:31.460 and, uh, they're not going to give you a ride.

01:52:34.400 They're not going to make it easier in any way.

01:52:36.660 And Nipsey Hussle said, he's like, yeah, I'll, I'll get, I just have to take the steps.

01:52:42.280 Like you're not, you just get to the point where you got, I'm never going to be given.

01:52:47.360 And they're never, you're never getting a wedding, right?

01:52:52.320 I'm never getting a wedding.

01:52:53.820 I will never get, uh, that like that marriage.

01:53:00.360 Ironically.

01:53:00.840 Yeah.

01:53:01.020 I will never get the marriage to, I will never get, I will never feel the love and the, um,

01:53:08.740 acceptance that I would get from being like, I auditioned and they said, you're going to,

01:53:16.400 we're going to put you on a show.

01:53:17.480 And then I did a show and that was a hit.

01:53:19.900 And then I decided, Hey, I want to sing.

01:53:21.840 And then I said, like, it never, it's not like that.

01:53:24.220 It's like, well, it's like someone's car and their cousin.

01:53:27.480 Yeah. 0.99

01:53:27.980 And this people shitting on you and like looking down at you. 0.99

01:53:31.360 And like, it's just never. 0.99

01:53:34.280 And it's the sewer man.

01:53:36.380 Yeah.

01:53:36.580 And all it does is just makes you more empathetic and makes you, and it makes people root for

01:53:41.460 you.

01:53:41.780 Yeah.

01:53:42.420 I don't think you will ever not have.

01:53:44.460 That's the thing.

01:53:45.180 As much as your, um, you think your southerness is a liability, but it's not, it's, it was now 1.00

01:53:52.740 it's, it's selling point.

01:53:54.380 Yeah.

01:53:54.980 You know, like, um, well, thank you.

01:53:58.300 That's a nice compliment.

01:53:59.000 I think, but I, but it's, but it's also true.

01:54:02.260 It's true.

01:54:02.800 It's like now I, I don't know where most of your listeners or most of your, most of your

01:54:08.380 viewers are, but it's, they're all over.

01:54:11.900 They're just regular people.

01:54:12.660 Really?

01:54:12.980 That's what I mean.

01:54:13.640 And they're not, it's not fancy.

01:54:15.840 It's not fancy.

01:54:16.860 It's not Hollywood.

01:54:17.400 It's not like, it's also not premeditated.

01:54:20.980 Yeah. 0.98

01:54:21.700 Um, it's like, and so you see it as like for years people were like this fucking swamp things 0.98

01:54:27.420 here and now it's like the fucking swamp things here. 0.98

01:54:30.360 Yeah. 0.99

01:54:31.240 It's like, goes from, or like the rat King, like this fucking rat Kings out here and now 1.00

01:54:36.180 it's like fucking rat Kings coming. 1.00

01:54:38.000 You might have to come back soon, man. 1.00

01:54:39.540 Yeah.

01:54:39.780 Yeah.

01:54:40.120 People are excited.

01:54:41.420 Yeah.

01:54:42.020 Dude.

01:54:42.220 We sold so many rat, we sold a ton of rat King shirts, man. 0.61

01:54:45.000 Yeah.

01:54:45.480 And it's fun being the rat King too. 0.84

01:54:48.100 Of course.

01:54:48.420 And it's fun that the whole world is turning into WWE, man.

01:54:51.380 That's what I think about like, uh, like we're talking about like, um, what's his name turning

01:54:56.020 into the heel Hulk Hogan, you know?

01:54:58.220 And, um, I had one question.

01:54:59.760 So you and Dave Chappelle, you guys are on talking terms now, right?

01:55:02.260 Yeah.

01:55:02.520 And we, you guys were, so for a long time, cause what was that?

01:55:04.620 Like you guys had a, we were, and it's okay.

01:55:08.560 We were not, we, the way the show went, basically the way the negotiation after the show got popular

01:55:18.320 was just not like good.

01:55:23.560 Did you have a, were you able, were you guys negotiating together with Comedy Central or,

01:55:28.960 or you guys were negotiating separately?

01:55:30.920 Kind of separately.

01:55:31.760 Right.

01:55:32.360 Um, so where, and that's the problem, you know, that's right.

01:55:36.400 And I told him before we started, I go, you know, they're going to play divide and conquer.

01:55:39.640 They have to pay you.

01:55:40.760 They don't have to pay me.

01:55:41.620 So the only way they'll pay me is if you make them and then they would, they played him

01:55:47.000 there, it's just so many people come between when something's popular, it just, you just

01:55:54.740 get layers of, uh, people that want to seem more important and want to seem like they're

01:56:04.900 doing things for, of course, to protect Dave or who, but it's not Dave, it was Dave in that

01:56:10.420 case, but it's a bunch of people. 0.93

01:56:11.760 So it can be a fucking, and so someone who actually is making the thing, they resent 0.96

01:56:18.760 me. 0.98

01:56:19.500 You know what I mean? 0.99

01:56:20.020 Cause like, they're just, they're not writing that or directing it on in the shit. 0.98

01:56:24.660 Um, you mean like a, like an executive, like not executives, like more like lawyers, agents, 0.99

01:56:30.120 man, that type of thing.

01:56:31.180 They resent you because you have to be included.

01:56:32.860 Cause I'm, I'm, I do the show, right?

01:56:35.820 They're not, I didn't just, I don't call them to go.

01:56:38.140 I make the show.

01:56:39.660 Did you? 0.98

01:56:40.400 So then that creates separation and then, um, and then he left and it was fucking like 0.98

01:56:47.240 that added to it. 0.95

01:56:48.760 Was that a surprise when he left?

01:56:51.520 I mean, like in retrospect, not really, but that's a pretty big swing.

01:56:57.300 Yeah.

01:56:57.540 Yeah.

01:56:57.800 Okay.

01:56:59.400 What do you guys think?

01:57:00.100 Yeah.

01:57:00.420 Like going to Africa is like, that's pretty big.

01:57:04.180 Like I didn't see that coming.

01:57:05.880 Although like it, that's exactly out of proportion. 0.99

01:57:09.400 That's as out of proportion as the rest of the show where it's like the most popular shit. 0.95

01:57:14.440 And then like, what's the leaving the show version of the Rick James sketch going to Africa, 0.98

01:57:20.260 right?

01:57:20.600 Not telling anyone.

01:57:21.600 All right.

01:57:21.920 I'll do that.

01:57:23.000 Uh, so there's that.

01:57:25.380 And then we didn't really speak.

01:57:28.280 We spoke a little bit.

01:57:29.700 And then since like, we've been cool since like Oh seven.

01:57:32.960 Yeah.

01:57:33.860 Um, yeah.

01:57:34.240 I know you guys are, I know you guys have been for a while.

01:57:36.300 Uh, did whenever you watch the last dance, did you think of yourself like a Scotty Pippen

01:57:40.240 at all?

01:57:40.900 Of course.

01:57:42.060 Yeah.

01:57:42.500 I watched, I mean, I said it in three months.

01:57:44.520 It was like, I'm Scotty Pippen.

01:57:45.480 It was like, it's like being on a team with Michael Jordan.

01:57:47.320 And so it's funny seeing Pippen get mad.

01:57:51.260 And it's like, I want to call him and be like, Pipp, there's nothing we can do.

01:57:56.460 Yeah.

01:57:56.520 He's going to play.

01:57:57.120 There's just nothing you can do.

01:57:58.300 It's, I've heard a story about.

01:58:00.100 He's going to play for Birmingham.

01:58:01.100 Yeah.

01:58:01.480 You know?

01:58:01.940 Yeah.

01:58:02.160 And there's nothing.

01:58:03.080 And also like, I got to get my, it, they can't, the audience only understands single.

01:58:12.960 They don't know.

01:58:13.520 No one's ever been on like, even when they say a dream team, one of them's better.

01:58:18.120 Yeah.

01:58:18.560 They always, it's like LeBron and D Wade, it's LeBron.

01:58:22.220 Right.

01:58:22.600 Capital LeBron, smaller D Wade or, or LeBron and Anthony Davis.

01:58:27.240 Like, but the mixture makes it.

01:58:29.300 Of course.

01:58:30.080 Right. 0.99

01:58:30.540 But, and then if you're Dave, you don't want to fucking acknowledge a mixture with a fucking 1.00

01:58:35.080 white person. 1.00

01:58:35.960 Yeah.

01:58:37.300 You know what I mean?

01:58:38.260 And I get that. 0.99

01:58:40.900 Fucking, you know what I mean? 0.99

01:58:42.520 Like, yes. 0.99

01:58:43.340 And if you'd have been black, do you think that the show would have been picked up for

01:58:46.640 another season then?

01:58:47.460 Well, it wasn't picked up.

01:58:48.320 It was picked up. 0.72

01:58:49.600 If I'd have been black, that's a really good question. 1.00

01:58:53.280 Uh, I don't, it's impossible to know.

01:58:58.800 It would have been a little, no, but then it, yeah, it, there's a different, there would

01:59:03.900 have been different tensions if I were black.

01:59:06.780 There would have been like a lot of the same ones.

01:59:09.080 And then it's a host of other ones that I'd probably don't even realize.

01:59:13.240 Right.

01:59:13.580 Uh, but, but no, of course. 0.97

01:59:15.820 So it's like, they don't, you watch it and you go, yeah, Scottie Bippen's fucking great. 0.51

01:59:21.200 It's like, yeah, it's just not as great as him.

01:59:24.440 He shows up.

01:59:25.040 He does.

01:59:25.480 It's just not as good as him.

01:59:26.540 It's like, I, that deal with that all the time.

01:59:29.000 Like there was a, there was a, uh, I went on after Dave at the comedy cellar one time

01:59:34.240 and the, uh, the MC was like, it's the next guy's co-creator spell show.

01:59:39.880 And I go, and I go on, I'm like, the co-creator spell show was a really good credit unless Dave

01:59:46.200 just went on and then it's nothing. 0.94

01:59:51.320 It's like, yeah, it's fucking great. 0.98

01:59:52.740 Oh, that's interesting. 1.00

01:59:53.360 Unless the fucking guy was just here. 1.00

01:59:56.940 It's not now you're just like, ugh. 0.99

01:59:58.380 Uh, so I get the, it's just an insurmountable, I don't, but I, I will say I'm, I'm not, I'm

02:00:10.240 not jealous.

02:00:12.220 I'm not really jealous of Dave.

02:00:16.200 Even, uh, Chris Rock said that one time.

02:00:18.240 He's like, you're just not jealous.

02:00:19.500 You're just, I don't like, I'm mad. 0.91

02:00:21.420 I have like personal argument shit with Dave, but I'm not like, I'm, I should have been Rick 0.95

02:00:26.020 James. 0.92

02:00:26.720 Yeah. 0.99

02:00:27.120 I'm like, fucking very different skills. 0.95

02:00:31.400 And, uh, and so I'm happy to be myself and, and to the underdog thing, it is fun to, uh, 0.98

02:00:40.800 climb out of it.

02:00:42.060 Yeah. 0.99

02:00:42.820 It's fucking, sometimes I look at my career and I'm like, this is a fucking miracle. 1.00

02:00:47.740 Wow. 0.99

02:00:48.040 It's a miracle that like, I was a writer for a TV show that was really popular.

02:00:54.820 And now I'm a kind of famous comedian.

02:00:57.920 Yeah. 0.99

02:00:58.480 That's fucking impossible. 0.98

02:01:00.560 Like I wasn't a comedian and then I like figured out how to do it. 0.99

02:01:05.880 And like, it's, it's crazy.

02:01:08.340 Yeah. 1.00

02:01:08.600 And I'm not even like suck my dick. 1.00

02:01:12.780 Like, I just mean like, I think about it. 1.00

02:01:14.560 You just get like objective.

02:01:16.140 You look at your career objectively, your life objectively.

02:01:18.940 You have to look at things.

02:01:20.040 Yeah.

02:01:20.160 I mean, even while looking back on, on Chappelle, can you see like, was he just under, you think

02:01:25.040 like looking back now and knowing how we see like people get stressed and the overwhelmingness

02:01:30.140 of things?

02:01:30.600 Do you think, yeah, I think it's just stress and I think it's not, it just, once things

02:01:34.920 are not fun, it's not.

02:01:36.260 And also once you're talking about that much money and people know how much money you're

02:01:40.100 making and it's on the cover of the paper and it's, it's like, it's not, it's like,

02:01:45.920 yeah, it's, it's, it's like, uh, the difference between, I've said this to a basketball player,

02:01:51.220 like difference between a rookie contract and a max deal, rookie contract, everyone

02:01:56.840 feels like they're, even if you're the best rookie, they're like, man, you're making 5

02:02:01.200 million bucks. 0.97

02:02:01.880 That's pretty fucking good. 0.96

02:02:03.020 And then you get your max deal, you're making 33 million a year and they're like, I don't 0.98

02:02:08.300 know what you're going to do, but it fucking better be good. 0.91

02:02:13.380 Go, no, go show me Mr. $33 million. 0.98

02:02:16.680 And it's just a less fun position to be in, which is the thing of having never had a wedding.

02:02:25.480 Like, you know, we'll, we'll never get, I don't think anyone will ever be like, okay,

02:02:32.620 Mr. Smarty pants or whatever.

02:02:34.060 Like, I don't think that that's a thing that we may never have to deal with and that, which

02:02:39.520 is good, which is a good, that's an advantage that we don't have to, we'll have to deal with

02:02:44.940 like, it's not as good as this last thing or any of that stuff, but it'll never be like,

02:02:50.120 I feel like Joe somehow got around it.

02:02:52.100 I don't think anyone resented him.

02:02:53.440 And I think it has to do with his looks and clothes and habits.

02:02:57.720 I don't think his habits.

02:02:58.500 Yeah.

02:02:58.700 And his habits too, he lifts people up a lot, you know?

02:03:00.680 Yeah.

02:03:00.860 He does, I feel like include people a lot.

02:03:02.560 Yeah.

02:03:04.340 So that's the, but I don't, but like, you know, me and Dave argued about it for six hours,

02:03:11.620 like three weeks ago.

02:03:13.280 Really?

02:03:13.720 Uh-huh.

02:03:14.020 Oh, that's fun. 0.99

02:03:14.900 It's fucking hilarious. 0.98

02:03:16.820 It's hilarious. 0.99

02:03:17.560 It's so interesting.

02:03:18.960 But yeah, what, I mean, what a comment, cause yeah, like to think that to go then to Comedy

02:03:22.980 Central and they won't give you a new show and then you're like, wow, I mean, you had

02:03:26.680 to feel.

02:03:27.020 Well, they wanted me to produce black sketch shows that I can do till I die.

02:03:32.260 They'll give me, please.

02:03:35.060 Yeah.

02:03:35.640 You got blank check for that.

02:03:37.160 But I'm like, I don't want to, that's not what I, that wasn't even, it was a black sketch 1.00

02:03:41.960 show, but it was more just a show about Dave.

02:03:43.900 It wasn't like, and then black, something black will happen. 0.98

02:03:47.440 Um, yeah, do something black. 0.99

02:03:48.700 And then somebody do blackness. 0.89

02:03:50.860 Um, and, uh, so yeah, it is, I don't get many opportunities.

02:03:56.320 They, there's just, people have a bias against me and that I don't understand.

02:04:02.180 Huh?

02:04:02.640 Cause I get, I was watching an old clip of mine from eight years ago cause I thought I was

02:04:10.040 good.

02:04:10.300 And I was like, I'm good.

02:04:12.620 And everyone would be like, no, no, no.

02:04:16.320 So, and somebody who like literally said comedian X is better than you.

02:04:22.260 And I was like, okay, so I sent him a clip from my comedy central half hour.

02:04:26.660 I did get on comedy central barely, uh, half hour of a joke from eight years ago. 0.98

02:04:33.240 And it was a fucking good joke. 0.95

02:04:34.620 And I was like, so why did you tell me that so-and-so is better than me? 0.99

02:04:38.760 And he was like, I don't know.

02:04:39.840 I just had a bias.

02:04:41.400 I just had a bias.

02:04:42.200 And it's like, people don't want to, something about me, people think I'm racist.

02:04:47.460 People think I'm arrogant.

02:04:48.280 People think I'm cold.

02:04:49.180 I don't know, but it's not, I'm, I just don't get the benefit of the doubt. 0.99

02:04:53.740 Damn. 0.99

02:04:55.440 Yeah. 0.99

02:04:55.780 But I guess who wants the benefit of the doubt, right?

02:04:57.440 Nick? 1.00

02:04:58.140 Fuck yeah. 1.00

02:04:59.060 Yeah. 1.00

02:04:59.200 Stay in your hole. 0.98

02:05:00.000 We don't serve it here, man. 0.98

02:05:02.320 Now don't put me on here cause I don't want to feel like I didn't earn it.

02:05:06.460 Do not put me on.

02:05:07.500 I will say we didn't pick those people.

02:05:09.240 It was just the animator.

02:05:10.920 We didn't pick them.

02:05:11.360 Who did it?

02:05:12.160 Just the guy, this guy Papio Tunes.

02:05:14.280 Oh, it's people he likes.

02:05:15.660 Oh, oh, got it, got it, got it, got it.

02:05:16.880 Yeah, it's people he listened to.

02:05:18.060 He just sent us this one day.

02:05:19.660 And Gianni was like, we should put it on the wall.

02:05:21.360 How did you?

02:05:22.140 Out of the blue, he sent it.

02:05:23.200 Oh, he sent you the thing.

02:05:24.260 Okay.

02:05:25.260 Got it.

02:05:25.480 And Nick doesn't, Nick hates it.

02:05:26.740 He looks like himself.

02:05:27.860 I look all sad.

02:05:29.040 I'm a pretty chipper guy, I think.

02:05:30.840 No, they got you.

02:05:32.860 They got you.

02:05:33.520 I gotta say, man.

02:05:34.820 They really captured you.

02:05:36.120 But it's so funny, man.

02:05:37.240 And the feeling of like, yeah, I'm not included.

02:05:39.540 Yeah, like I'm not at the wall of the improv.

02:05:41.700 And we didn't have, right, yeah.

02:05:43.340 And we didn't have anything to do with it.

02:05:44.620 And I'm just like, man, what?

02:05:45.680 Why not?

02:05:46.920 I know.

02:05:47.440 Why not?

02:05:48.160 And I don't know.

02:05:48.460 Isn't it funny to see, though, that we didn't even really have anything to do with it?

02:05:51.140 I know.

02:05:51.660 And then I make this narrative up.

02:05:53.820 Yeah, in my head, too.

02:05:54.460 About how all you guys think.

02:05:56.860 And meanwhile, you don't, it hasn't even crossed your mind. 1.00

02:06:00.460 You haven't, but that's what the human fucking brain does. 0.99

02:06:04.140 Yeah, we just want to be included, man. 0.99

02:06:05.620 Yeah.

02:06:06.260 Neil Brennan, thank you so much, man.

02:06:07.860 You got it, buddy.

02:06:08.960 Now I'm just floating on the breeze.

02:06:11.660 And I feel I'm falling like these leaves.

02:06:14.620 I must be cornerstone.

02:06:20.000 Oh, but when I reach that ground, I'll share this peace of mind I found.

02:06:25.360 I can feel it in my bones.

02:06:28.740 But it's gonna take a little time For me to set that parking brake And let myself unwind

02:06:41.080 Shine that light on me I'll sit and tell you my stories

02:06:50.740 Shine on me And I will find a song

02:06:59.940 I will sing it just for you

02:07:03.620 And now I've been moving way too fast On a runaway train with a heavy load of my hand

02:07:14.740 Ladies and gentlemen, I'm Jonathan Kite And welcome to Kite Club

02:07:21.180 A podcast where I'll be sharing thoughts on things like current events

02:07:24.840 Stand-up stories And seven ways to pleasure your partner

02:07:28.380 The answer may shock you

02:07:30.280 Sometimes I'll interview my friends

02:07:32.300 Sometimes I won't

02:07:33.620 And as always, I'll be joined by the voices in my head

02:07:37.120 You have three new voice messages

02:07:39.980 A lot of people are talking about Kite Club

02:07:43.000 I've been talking about Kite Club for so long

02:07:45.800 Longer than anybody else

02:07:47.420 So great

02:07:48.220 Hi, sweet

02:07:49.800 Here's a deal

02:07:51.240 Anyone who doesn't listen to Kite Club 1.00

02:07:53.720 Is a dodgy bloody wanker 1.00

02:07:55.780 Charmaine 0.99

02:07:56.460 Hi, I'll take a quarter pounder with cheese

02:07:59.760 And a McFlurry

02:08:00.780 Sorry, sir, but our ice cream machine is broken

02:08:02.640 Oh, no

02:08:04.520 I think Tom Hanks just butt-dialed me

02:08:07.600 Anyway, first rule of Kite Club is

02:08:10.000 Tell everyone about Kite Club

02:08:11.720 Second rule of Kite Club is

02:08:13.660 Tell everyone about Kite Club

02:08:15.900 Third rule

02:08:16.680 Like and subscribe wherever you listen to podcasts

02:08:19.580 Or watch us on YouTube, yeah?

02:08:21.920 And yes, don't worry

02:08:22.960 My Brad Pitt impression will get better

This Past Weekend with Theo Von - May 25, 2020

E279 Neal Brennan 2

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