This Past Weekend with Theo Von - July 20, 2020


E287 China Dragon


Episode Stats


Length

1 hour and 10 minutes

Words per minute

154.42339

Word count

10,941

Sentence count

925

Harmful content

Misogyny

44

sentences flagged

Toxicity

155

sentences flagged

Hate speech

31

sentences flagged


Summary

Summaries generated with gmurro/bart-large-finetuned-filtered-spotify-podcast-summ .

In this episode I talk about how I missed school and how I got a ride to school when I would miss the bus and how the bus driver would take me to school in his car when I missed the bus.

Transcript

Transcript generated with Whisper (turbo).
Misogyny classifications generated with MilaNLProc/bert-base-uncased-ear-misogyny .
Toxicity classifications generated with s-nlp/roberta_toxicity_classifier .
Hate speech classifications generated with facebook/roberta-hate-speech-dynabench-r4-target .
00:00:00.000 Check check, Chinese check baby chicken check, chicken sausage, chick hern, chickpeas check, check please, chicks, chickadoodledee, remember chickadees, remember that, remember chickadees, it was a little uh, like a breakfast place,
00:00:26.340 I don't know if they, it was chickadees, and you go in there and they had um, you know they give you the menu and it was, they would hand write the menus every day, which I think is probably why they went out of business, I mean at that point you're more of a calligraphy shop or something, I mean they'd hand, I don't know,
00:00:52.540 they say home of the handwritten menu, that was their big ticket, that was their big, you know, get you in the door deal, home of the handwritten menu,
00:01:07.000 and then they hand write them and then, I don't know what happened, I don't know what happened, I don't know if there was a fire or something happened, uh, something happened over there, but um,
00:01:24.840 um, but anyway, uh, what's going on man, not much, chickadees, that was it, and I go over there and get me a little breakfast, you know, get me a cut of ham, get me a, you know, two uh, bird eggs, two bird eggs and a cut of ham for three dollars, I remember,
00:01:46.580 and some of them would have sweet, sweet entrees, it said on there, a little bonus section on the menu, it said, uh, sweet entrees and it'd have you a little, get you a little hot cake or, uh, you know, um, what's that, food we won in the, uh, war, um, French toast, get you, you know, get you a little, you know, uh, savory item,
00:02:16.580 get you something like that, chickadees, it was called, and sometimes I would, when I missed school, if I would miss the school bus, they had a man that would take me to school,
00:02:28.580 and his, I don't remember his name, but he was just kind of a, kind of a mysterious looking man, and he might have had, I don't know, cancer or something, but he had, um, his son was named Big Donald,
00:02:41.840 and his son was named Big Donald, even though he was little, and, and sometimes I would miss the bus, and his son, I think it maybe even dropped out of school, but
00:02:51.380 I would miss the bus, and the dad would, uh, take me to school in his car.
00:03:00.200 And he drove a car that was, it wasn't a hearse, but it was like, it seemed like a hearse, you know, like they probably had ghosts in the trunk, kind of thing, kind of vehicle.
00:03:12.020 You know, it was just, I mean, if you got in a car accident in this car, you were gonna die, because it was just real long and black, and I think it was a hearse, but they had sawed off the back and made it into a regular car.
00:03:27.860 And, um, and that was Big Donald's daddy, and he would take me to school when I would miss school, or when I would miss the bus.
00:03:43.900 And, um, and sometimes he would come out at first, and he'd say, did you miss it? And I'd say, I don't know.
00:03:50.720 And he said, maybe wait a little while, and I would wait a little longer. And he knew it had already passed.
00:03:54.940 He was just kind of, uh, you know, just getting me calibrated for a, a life of, I guess, uncomfort or of, you know, uncertainty.
00:04:07.520 I don't know, but he'd come out another time. Did you miss it? I, you know, I don't know.
00:04:12.340 I don't know if I missed it. I mean, it's 9 a.m. I've been out here for an hour and 45 minutes. School started at 7.30.
00:04:18.940 I probably missed it.
00:04:21.140 And he'd say, well, just, you know, it could show up.
00:04:24.940 So I'd sit there and wait. It'd start getting hot.
00:04:28.760 Had my little book bag on.
00:04:31.300 Feel my books heating up. Feel my homework all hot.
00:04:35.780 I didn't do my homework, actually, man. I'd just feel my books hot.
00:04:38.400 Okay, I'll be honest with you, but, and then he'd say, all right, come on, I'll take you.
00:04:41.960 Um, and I think since his son had dropped out of school, since his boy had given up on, you know, knowledge or blanket knowledge, you know, or, uh, governmental knowledge, really.
00:04:53.840 Education. Education. That they were, you know, that it was his chance to still have that moment with his son.
00:05:01.180 Um, and we would ride. We would ride in the car, and I would try to, you know, practice it, look at my book, look at my spelling, and, and he would blow cigarette smoke over at me.
00:05:15.540 He'd be smoking a pack of Dorals over there.
00:05:20.280 And he would, both windows up. I mean, I think he had damn glued the windows shut, because he loved all the smoke.
00:05:26.720 He wanted all the smoke, baby.
00:05:28.740 And he'd blow that smoke on me, and ask me to spell a word.
00:05:34.500 And I would just try to, you know, my face was burning, my eyes were burning, and I would try to get that word out of me.
00:05:40.120 You know, uh, um, I, N, I, N, uh, C. 0.98
00:05:54.380 What is it, buddy? What is it?
00:05:56.040 And he'd blow that smoke on me, like, I, N, C, O, N, spell it, boy.
00:06:08.640 And he'd yell at me, spell it, boy.
00:06:11.020 And he'd even call me his son's name, too, sometime.
00:06:14.200 Spell it, Big Donald.
00:06:16.700 Spell it, Little Donald.
00:06:17.900 And he couldn't remember sometimes if his son was named Big Donald or Little Donald.
00:06:23.680 And he'd blow the smoke on me.
00:06:26.040 And, uh, I, N, C, O, N,
00:06:31.160 Inconvenience. 1.00
00:06:35.900 And he didn't know, he didn't know how to spell shit. 0.99
00:06:39.120 So he would just kind of, you know, kind of, 0.99
00:06:42.700 Oh, there you go, there you go.
00:06:46.520 And then he'd let me flick his cigarette.
00:06:48.340 He'd hand it over to me and let me flick it onto the floor.
00:06:50.580 And, uh, but anyway, we'd stop at this place called Chickadee's and go in there.
00:06:56.840 Home of the handwritten menus and we'd get in there and, and I'd read him what it said on the menu.
00:07:03.080 And I would read him straight up what it said on the menu.
00:07:05.440 And I may, I don't, honestly, man, maybe that man, he might not even be able to read.
00:07:11.500 And maybe this was his way of just kind of connecting with, you know, with an education he never got fully or partially even.
00:07:23.380 Or semi-partially, you know, I don't know, but chickadees, I remember.
00:07:31.980 And then they, uh, you know, one thing, one guy, the guy with the best penmanship didn't come in or something.
00:07:38.300 He got in a fight with his wife and then, uh, and they didn't have a menu.
00:07:42.860 One day we went in there and they didn't have a menu.
00:07:44.740 And nobody knew what to do, you know, the waiter, just, the waitress just standing there with her arms in the air. 0.99
00:07:52.640 And, and the cook just fucking gave up, you know, just cracked a couple eggs right into his damn mouth and just walked out. 1.00
00:08:02.440 And, and I think they burned the place down for insurance or in, yeah, for insurance money. 0.99
00:08:08.480 But anyway, what else, man?
00:08:11.460 Let's get into the episode, brother gang.
00:08:13.240 Gang, you know it.
00:08:25.940 Come on.
00:08:30.280 I'm just sitting on your front porch wondering how could I be so far from my home.
00:08:38.800 Come on, boy, put that negligee on. 0.99
00:08:40.720 And my mind is somewhere else, but when I find it, I'll patch up where it's been grown.
00:08:49.740 Come on, little Donald, big Donald, come on.
00:08:52.920 Now I'm just floating on the breeze and I feel I'm falling like these leaves.
00:08:58.560 I must be cornerstone.
00:09:01.560 Oh, but when I reach that crowd, I'll share this peace of mind I found I can feel it in my bones.
00:09:12.520 Get skeletal, baby. 1.00
00:09:13.540 Let's go.
00:09:14.020 But it's gonna take a little time.
00:09:18.260 Let it hit you, daddy.
00:09:19.160 For me to set that parking brake and let myself unwind.
00:09:26.000 Shine that light on me.
00:09:30.160 Come on, big Donald.
00:09:31.760 Come on, little Donald.
00:09:33.680 Story.
00:09:36.620 Inconvenience.
00:09:37.180 What can I get you?
00:09:45.520 Just for you.
00:09:48.340 You want to move her easy or what? 1.00
00:09:52.460 I've been moving way too fast on a runaway train with a heavy load of my paths.
00:09:59.840 Haven't we all, baby?
00:10:01.260 We're just tugging that past with us.
00:10:02.820 In these rails that I've been riding on.
00:10:05.640 They're worn so thin that they're damn near gone.
00:10:08.080 And I feel it, baby.
00:10:09.280 Just meant to it.
00:10:12.940 I-N-C. 1.00
00:10:17.580 It'll probably still come.
00:10:18.820 Just wait out here.
00:10:20.680 It's almost noon.
00:10:22.020 I'll be there.
00:10:22.700 I'll be there.
00:10:24.420 Shine that light on me.
00:10:27.460 I'll sit and tell you my story.
00:10:33.920 You want grits with that?
00:10:36.760 And on me.
00:10:38.360 Come on.
00:10:40.980 The song.
00:10:42.560 I will sing it just for you.
00:10:47.380 There you go, boy.
00:10:48.940 There you go.
00:10:50.880 And that fade out.
00:10:52.100 I couldn't get that fade out well right there.
00:10:55.700 But I wanted to.
00:11:00.360 I'll say that.
00:11:01.220 I wanted to.
00:11:03.560 Good to be here with you.
00:11:05.780 And it is middle of July.
00:11:07.640 Halfway to Christmas.
00:11:08.760 Can you? 1.00
00:11:09.780 Hot damn. 1.00
00:11:11.480 I mean, if you put your ear up to the beach, 0.99
00:11:14.080 you can hear Santa just tightening up a couple toy trains out there.
00:11:22.380 You know?
00:11:24.880 It's halfway to Christmas, man.
00:11:26.300 Good to see you guys.
00:11:27.200 We are here.
00:11:28.540 July 20th, 2020.
00:11:32.560 The year 2020.
00:11:35.300 In the future or in the past.
00:11:36.960 I'm not sure when this will, you know, hit you.
00:11:41.460 And I don't know if you've come from the future or the past to listen to it.
00:11:44.540 I don't know how you got to right now.
00:11:50.720 You know, you may be some people.
00:11:52.400 There may be a time in the future where people are, you know, living in reverse.
00:11:55.840 And they just back into.
00:11:59.900 They're backing into a day that you're just getting to.
00:12:03.020 We don't know.
00:12:05.020 We don't know that.
00:12:06.180 I'm at home.
00:12:11.400 And I do not want to be.
00:12:15.080 That's how I feel, man.
00:12:16.420 I don't even want. 0.99
00:12:18.440 You know, just give me a damn shovel and no knowledge. 0.99
00:12:23.140 And I'll try digging to China, you know. 0.99
00:12:27.600 Remember that when we were young?
00:12:28.980 They say you dig.
00:12:29.640 Oh, you dig.
00:12:30.220 You could dig to China.
00:12:31.940 Dig your hole, you know.
00:12:33.540 Your mom, get out there. 1.00
00:12:34.520 Your grandmother, get out there. 1.00
00:12:36.180 Give you a little shovel. 0.92
00:12:38.440 Maybe your uncle steal one of those, you know, those cement.
00:12:43.840 Those cement things that break up the cement, you know.
00:12:48.180 Maybe he steal one of those from work.
00:12:50.840 And he let you and your buddy each hold one handle of it because it was too much.
00:12:54.540 That jackhammer. 1.00
00:12:57.960 And y'all just jackham that bitch up. 1.00
00:13:01.560 You out there digging and jackhammering. 1.00
00:13:03.540 As children thinking, oh, we're going to China.
00:13:06.980 But now, you see some kid digging to China, you take the shovel from him.
00:13:12.200 Say, hey, buddy.
00:13:14.060 Uh-uh.
00:13:17.040 No, no, no.
00:13:19.580 We do not need.
00:13:21.720 We do not need another thoroughfare between us and China, brother.
00:13:25.620 That's crazy that children now aren't even allowed to dig to China.
00:13:31.560 You know, remember that?
00:13:33.400 Oh, we'll get there.
00:13:36.380 You come back in the morning to dig more.
00:13:38.480 Somebody's, you know, some man's sleeping in the hole.
00:13:43.320 You know, his wife kicked him out.
00:13:45.860 He's doing drugs or something.
00:13:48.460 Or he was. 1.00
00:13:49.380 You know, he ran out of drugs and she kicked him out and he peed in the damn hole. 1.00
00:13:54.140 And you just keep digging, man. 1.00
00:13:56.900 Piss, dirt, and all.
00:13:57.980 Just dig your way through. 0.80
00:14:00.600 You don't stop.
00:14:01.260 But, yeah, Chickadees, that was the name of that joint. 0.99
00:14:06.140 And I guess, I don't know if it, something happened. 0.99
00:14:08.300 Some insurance scandal or something bullshit. 0.99
00:14:11.220 And they shut it down. 0.99
00:14:14.740 But, yeah, I want to go.
00:14:15.800 I want to, I just, and I just got back.
00:14:19.760 I just got back from the ham, baby, from New Hampshire.
00:14:22.940 And now I want to go again.
00:14:26.060 I want to go do something again, you know.
00:14:27.900 So, sometimes when I can't travel, you know, I'll travel inside of myself.
00:14:33.300 I'll take a little vacation to just a specific time or a specific moment.
00:14:41.720 And I'll try to remember all the things I can about the moment.
00:14:47.580 Sometimes when I think of the past or when I think of something,
00:14:51.300 I forget to think of all the different things.
00:14:54.100 Of the senses, you know.
00:14:55.500 Because that gives my memory more, you know, more batter to make a cake out of.
00:15:07.460 You know, I remember one of the first times I ever even performed,
00:15:12.600 I was, you know, a child or something.
00:15:16.160 I think I was a child or I was just a small adult that was just lying about how old he was.
00:15:20.540 But I was, you know, just a middle-aged child or something, I don't know, probably about nine.
00:15:26.860 And if we were bad, which we were, my mother would make us perform, do a performance.
00:15:33.600 So we could come downstairs and watch Rescue 911 on television.
00:15:41.000 Because that was my show, man.
00:15:43.300 That was my thing.
00:15:44.280 That was my jam.
00:15:45.060 I love to call 911.
00:15:48.860 And some of you guys know that about me and some of you don't.
00:15:52.280 I'll call them matches.
00:15:53.540 I'll text them.
00:15:55.480 You know, I texted them from the Poirier-Halloway fight. 1.00
00:15:58.820 I said, they got some damn ruffians out here beating the shit out of each other. 1.00
00:16:03.760 You know, and they said, where are you? 1.00
00:16:05.860 I said, I'm at the UFC, whatever it was.
00:16:09.320 It's 214, baby, where are you guys, dude? 0.99
00:16:11.860 Gang shit, bring the fire department. 0.99
00:16:15.220 But you can text 911 now. 1.00
00:16:16.860 But when I was young, I would call them.
00:16:18.300 I'd call them for anything.
00:16:20.140 You know, I'd call them.
00:16:21.120 If we couldn't pay the bills, I'd call them.
00:16:24.020 Hey, uh, yep.
00:16:27.860 St. Chamonix Parish, police and fire.
00:16:30.460 I'm going to help you.
00:16:31.560 Is this an emergency?
00:16:32.680 Yep.
00:16:33.040 Um, we can't pay the water.
00:16:37.880 Mom can't pay it. 1.00
00:16:39.460 So, she, you know, she told her boss off and she got fired. 0.95
00:16:44.480 So, um, sorry, um, you, I'm going to have to, uh, keep the line free for actual emergencies.
00:16:53.180 But at least I'll let them know.
00:16:54.360 Some of you got to let the city know what you're thinking.
00:16:56.720 You got to at least let them know what you're dealing with, you know.
00:17:00.220 But, um, but anyway, I remember, you know, that we, my mom would make us, we'd had, she didn't make us, but we would come down and perform.
00:17:09.660 You know, we would put paint or something on our bodies or put a sheet on top of us and write China on it maybe and do, you know, get in a, like a line and put a couple sheet on us and make a dragon.
00:17:20.300 And, you know, we'd come down and, you know, you know, my brother would beat a little, uh, you know, we'd have him beat a, what is it called?
00:17:30.060 A, he would beat like a tambourine with a spoon or, you know, we had a, we had a, this man my mom dated used to do fake accidents to get money.
00:17:44.700 And so we had, I remember like a metal neck brace that he left over one time.
00:17:49.300 And so sometimes my brother would put that on and get thimbles, like, you know, metal little thimbles from sewers, sewers kits.
00:17:57.100 And he would put them on his fingers.
00:18:00.780 And so we'd all come down and he would play kind of Chinese music on his, you know, just, you know, playing that, that metal neck brace. 0.98
00:18:19.000 And, uh, and the rest of us would just be in a damn sheet. 0.88
00:18:23.040 We'd written China on the side of it and cut a couple eye holes out the front and wrote dragon on the front. 0.98
00:18:29.320 And we would do a show, put on a show for mom.
00:18:32.100 And if she liked the show well enough, then we were allowed to sit there by the television and watch Rescue 911.
00:18:40.540 Or, you know, a couple other programs, Unsolved Mysteries, Rescue 911, America's Most Wanted. 0.98
00:18:45.620 I mean, we liked to watch shit that was very fear-based. 0.97
00:18:50.620 And we would sit, dude, we were kidding. 0.99
00:18:52.400 I mean, we would sit literally two inches from the television screen.
00:18:57.340 I mean, our television was as big as two iPhone 9s. 0.95
00:19:02.740 I mean, that bitch was as big as two, like a double-wide iPhone 9. 1.00
00:19:07.640 And we would sit there two inches from it. 0.99
00:19:10.880 And just let it all, just let the devil just go straight into our eyes.
00:19:16.620 And that was, you know, but that was some of the first times we would perform, that I would perform.
00:19:21.440 I remember as a child was coming down and doing that and performing for mom so that we could watch Rescue 911.
00:19:29.240 And here I am, you know, 30 years later, still performing for television in a weird way.
00:19:48.540 You know, in kind of a backhanded way.
00:19:51.300 But, you know, still performing to be a part of the show so I could see the show, whatever.
00:19:58.100 I don't know about that part.
00:20:00.200 But what else, man?
00:20:03.520 But anyway, yeah, sorry, I was telling you.
00:20:05.400 So I would, when I think back to, like, if I can't go, then I'll go somewhere in my head.
00:20:09.840 You know, I'll take a, you know, I'll think back to those times.
00:20:13.160 And so other things that I think about from that time, I think about the carpet.
00:20:16.100 You know, well, how did it feel?
00:20:19.380 How did the carpet feel?
00:20:20.940 Because we were barefoot, you know, it was nighttime, we were barefoot inside.
00:20:25.360 You know, and so I think about how it felt to my feet.
00:20:30.120 And then I remember the carpet, you know, the color of it was kind of coffee with milk color in it.
00:20:35.440 And so I think about that.
00:20:41.340 I think about the smell, what the smell would be like.
00:20:44.880 Well, when we went to mom's room to perform, they, she had usually just gotten out of the shower, you know. 0.87
00:20:51.100 And she was, she wasn't nude anymore.
00:20:54.080 We didn't do anything like that. 1.00
00:20:56.120 You had to go down the street for some of that shit. 1.00
00:20:58.400 Family nudity kind of shit, but. 1.00
00:21:00.000 But, but you could smell, you know, you could smell the shampoo in the room. 1.00
00:21:08.440 You could smell a Salon Selects.
00:21:11.860 And mom had Salon Selects, man. 0.95
00:21:14.020 And it, oh.
00:21:16.620 Oh my God.
00:21:19.540 I do not know if you remember Salon Selects.
00:21:23.300 It was, it was about the most high class shampoo you could get.
00:21:31.760 I mean, it had, I don't even know what it was made out of.
00:21:37.040 It just seemed like they had taken a couple beautiful women and creamed, you know, and just put, you know, cremated them or whatever. 0.99
00:21:44.540 And just put them right into the damn bottle. 0.99
00:21:46.260 And then they put two scoops of frickin' California in there and maybe half a scoop of hibiscus up in there, you know. 1.00
00:21:57.260 And then they just, they would trim an angel's wings right into that bitch. 1.00
00:22:01.160 Heat it up to about 240 and then let it simmer and then bottle it. 0.99
00:22:07.500 And your mom had it.
00:22:08.800 Mom got Salon Selects. 0.98
00:22:11.220 We would wash our hair with a soap.
00:22:12.900 You know, we would wash our hair with a soap or sometimes we would put a soap bar in a sock and you would rub that on your head so as not to lose all the soap.
00:22:21.180 That way you weren't, you know, the soap would stay in that sock.
00:22:24.500 You weren't minimized.
00:22:25.720 Because otherwise, you give us a bar of soap, somebody, you know, we'd use it all in one bathing.
00:22:30.520 We'd bathe for two and a half hours. 1.00
00:22:32.240 We'd use, somebody, you know, hide it in their ass or something. 1.00
00:22:35.240 Just, you know, children. 0.99
00:22:38.480 Being children, but when mom, when, when.
00:22:42.900 And so what mom did, well, mom put it in a sock and we would just scrub it on our head. 0.92
00:22:47.100 So the soap still came out of it, but you just weren't wearing that bar down.
00:22:54.480 And I remember sometimes I go over to a rich kid's house and they would have a little bit of Irish spring over there.
00:23:00.600 And shout out to Ireland, man.
00:23:01.980 And shout out to, you know, shout out to Ireland and the UK and all of our good people over there, you know.
00:23:13.040 Shout out to Jack Shore who won his MMA fight, man.
00:23:16.600 Young legend right there.
00:23:17.780 And hell, I hope they open the borders soon, man.
00:23:23.040 Because I think half of us want to come back to England, brother.
00:23:25.940 I'll tell you that.
00:23:27.540 Put me on a boat, baby.
00:23:31.700 I'm joking, man.
00:23:32.480 I'm happy to be here.
00:23:33.340 But someday, there's some, you know.
00:23:36.820 I live in California.
00:23:38.400 It's just a little bit more, I don't know.
00:23:42.660 Too many know-it-alls out here.
00:23:47.060 But anyway, mom had the Salon Selects. 1.00
00:23:49.020 That's what I'm telling you.
00:23:49.620 Mom had that Salon Selects. 1.00
00:23:51.300 And if you, sometime I would say, oh, mom, I'm out of shampoo.
00:23:55.340 I'd run into her room and I'd reach my hand in the shower.
00:23:58.740 Mom would be in her shower. 0.90
00:24:00.280 You know, if I was lucky, boy, she'd put a little Salon Selects in there. 1.00
00:24:07.220 And the problem was my body heat would start to kind of make it thinner.
00:24:13.260 You know, your body heat, like you can only hide Jell-O in your hand for about 40 minutes
00:24:17.340 before you just got a little handful of something.
00:24:20.800 And you have to tell, you have to, you know, tell people, hey, this used to be Jell-O.
00:24:25.600 They don't believe you.
00:24:28.300 And that's what it was like.
00:24:29.460 So I'd have to run all the way back upstairs, get back in the shower, and put it into my hair
00:24:33.500 before it all kind of dissipated or snuck out the, you know, the little cracks in my fingers. 0.98
00:24:38.900 But damn, I love that, man. 0.97
00:24:43.760 You know, and I love when mom would give me some of that Salon Selects, and I remember. 0.99
00:24:48.400 God, I remember that, boy. 0.99
00:24:49.840 And sometimes I'd wash my hair with it, and sometimes, honestly, bro, I'd wash my damn 0.99
00:24:55.240 body with it. 0.99
00:24:58.440 And sometimes, honestly, honestly, double honestly, I'd freaking lick a little bit of it right 1.00
00:25:04.020 out of my damn hand, bro. 1.00
00:25:05.200 God damn, forgive me, but God, just the, just tasting that damn hibiscus, brother. 1.00
00:25:16.960 We didn't have hibiscus by us. 1.00
00:25:19.580 So to just get a damn hit of it out of that bottle. 0.97
00:25:23.740 But I remember that was another thing I remember when I'd go into mom's room, you could smell 0.99
00:25:27.200 that because she had just showered recently, you know, and so she, you could smell it in
00:25:32.300 the air.
00:25:36.260 But anyway, little things like that just bring me, you know, when I think of the, when somebody's
00:25:40.020 like, hey, do you remember?
00:25:40.900 I try to think of, okay, well, what was something that I felt at the time?
00:25:43.540 Okay, I felt the carpet.
00:25:44.600 I remember that.
00:25:46.060 I remember, you know, how my body felt when I was young.
00:25:51.900 It just, I wasn't aware of it.
00:25:55.560 Now I'm so aware of my body.
00:25:57.660 I'm, you know, I got to move and I got to think about what I'm doing and, you know, I
00:26:03.460 got to reach for something.
00:26:04.540 It's all, but when I was young, everything was just, it was just, it went from an idea
00:26:10.320 or a thought in my head to an action.
00:26:12.900 There was no delay.
00:26:14.340 There was no age in the gumming up the works, you know.
00:26:19.580 There was no Doral smoke between my brain and my activity.
00:26:26.040 You know, it was just immediate, just, just chickadees on the table, baby.
00:26:34.200 But yeah, so that's what I try to think of sometimes when I'm thinking about stories and
00:26:37.460 I think, I think of, okay, what did I see?
00:26:40.040 What did I smell?
00:26:41.760 You know, what did I feel?
00:26:42.940 What did I, what was the taste of something?
00:26:45.160 Was there anything, you know, was there, you know, just, I try and go through my senses
00:26:53.040 and just, and that helps me add some, some memory.
00:26:58.680 Sometimes I think all of our memory, everything we've ever done is inside of us.
00:27:06.060 Sometimes I think that, but you have to get some, you have to, there needs to be a key
00:27:10.220 to unlock it, like a personal talk to you or remind you of something or.
00:27:16.040 Or, you know, different stuff like that.
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00:29:15.980 Bathroom.
00:29:16.640 All right, let's take a call here from Larry the driver.
00:29:20.680 Onward.
00:29:22.520 I'm driving along here.
00:29:24.520 And Larry drives, hell, I don't know where he drives,
00:29:27.900 but he's left a lot of voicemails about, you know, vehicle operation and that sort of thing.
00:29:33.720 So let's see what he's doing.
00:29:34.980 Go on, brother.
00:29:36.000 Into my place of employment.
00:29:37.960 And I had a thought.
00:29:41.500 And I said, who better to call from Schenectadia to share this thought with than the Theo Von Bunch.
00:29:48.640 So I just saw a guy, neighbor.
00:29:53.240 He's walking his dog.
00:29:55.520 His dog, the German Shepherd.
00:29:57.200 Very narrow face.
00:29:58.940 You know, they have features.
00:30:00.260 Then I looked at the guy and I'm like, wow, he's starting to look just like that German Shepherd in the face. 1.00
00:30:07.620 Narrow, kind of, they were going up a hill, head pointed forward, face forward, everything going up the hill.
00:30:16.320 And then I thought, yeah, people, I guess maybe creatures do that.
00:30:21.500 We start to turn into the things or start to look like the things we look at or the beings we look at.
00:30:30.260 Amen, brother.
00:30:32.720 Thank you, Larry, for that, man.
00:30:35.020 You're right.
00:30:35.880 I think you're definitely right about, I mean, I don't know if you're right or not, but you saw what you saw. 0.98
00:30:42.900 You know, it's not like you're reporting a damn UFO.
00:30:44.680 You're reporting, obviously, a lean, you know, guy who's Italian or maybe Judeo-Italian going uphill with a German Shepherd. 0.96
00:30:53.300 You know, you saw what you saw.
00:30:56.120 But, yeah, I think we start to reflect what we focus on, man.
00:31:02.380 It could be a dog.
00:31:03.360 It could be a, you know, if you listen to Tekashi69 all day and watch all of his videos, which are awesome.
00:31:11.080 Okay, I'll say that.
00:31:11.980 But if you do it all day, every day, next thing you know, you're going to get a couple Skittles embedded into your cheek, you know.
00:31:19.120 You're going to braid your hair.
00:31:21.440 You know, you're going to freaking be out of work.
00:31:24.520 You're going to be, you know, you're going to be hiding in a townhouse out there and, you know, somewhere.
00:31:31.840 Probably, you know, Toledo or Boise.
00:31:37.340 But it's like, yeah, you're going to become whatever you focus on.
00:31:40.720 But people do that with animals for sure.
00:31:43.460 You'll see a, you know, you'll see a lady with a Shih Tzu named Sharon.
00:31:47.680 And then people start saying, oh, that's Sharon, Shih Tzu Sharon.
00:31:52.900 And both of them, they got, you know, matching little side ponies and, you know, they're both eating out of a bowl or something by the back door of her house.
00:32:02.180 It's just bizarre stuff.
00:32:03.240 You see a lot of that.
00:32:05.060 You know, you see a lot of Megan.
00:32:07.440 You know, you'll see a lady named Megan with a Maltese. 1.00
00:32:11.380 And they'll be like, oh, that's Maltese Megan. 0.99
00:32:13.240 You know, and you throw a Frisbee and Megan runs and, you know, tries to catch that bitch and gets hit by a Ford Fiat, bro. 1.00
00:32:23.420 And you're like, you know. 0.99
00:32:25.340 But, yeah, people start to become what they, the animals they have.
00:32:30.820 You see it with Riff Raff, even.
00:32:33.800 You know, Riff Raff, who's that rare element, he's the, you know, he's the Bermuda Triangle of humans.
00:32:39.880 And he's got a couple Huskies and he starts to, you know, he starts to mimic them and sound like them and move like them.
00:32:50.000 You know, you'll see him on all fours pissing on a hydrant over there down there near Deer Park, Florida.
00:32:57.200 But I'm just saying, yeah, whatever we spend time with, you see that a lot.
00:33:00.900 Especially the dog-human element.
00:33:03.340 That combo package. 0.99
00:33:04.560 You know, somebody gets a, you know, your buddy Bernard gets a damn Burmese python. 0.97
00:33:13.380 And next thing you know, Bernard, you'll catch him one afternoon laying on the street, you know, with no shirt on, putting his stomach on the concrete to stay warm. 1.00
00:33:23.180 So there's a lot of that type of shit, man. 0.99
00:33:28.060 But gang, Larry, thanks for recognizing that and thanks for the call, man. 0.99
00:33:31.400 Appreciate it.
00:33:32.360 And, you know, just take care of yourself, brother.
00:33:37.360 All right?
00:33:38.060 You be good, man.
00:33:38.880 Onward.
00:33:40.520 All right.
00:33:41.060 Let's take another call right here.
00:33:42.520 Here we go.
00:33:43.120 Hey, Theo.
00:33:46.380 This is Sam in Nashville, Tennessee here.
00:33:49.360 What's up, Sam?
00:33:50.400 Or Samuel?
00:33:51.820 And Sam is often a short name for Samuel or Yosemite Sam, if you're a drawing, you know.
00:33:58.400 Onward.
00:33:59.300 I wanted to ask you about performing in 2020.
00:34:02.960 I played drums for a living here in Nashville.
00:34:05.760 Or I did.
00:34:07.440 The city got hit by a tornado back in March.
00:34:10.100 Okay, you could have played in our Chinese Dragon retribution performance that we did for Mom.
00:34:19.700 Onward.
00:34:20.740 Sorry, I wasn't even listening right there because I started thinking about that.
00:34:23.560 And anyway, I'll back up.
00:34:25.080 The city got hit by a tornado back in March, which took out some of the venues.
00:34:29.040 And then shortly after that, the Corvus took over, which, as you know, canceled all the tours and a lot of the gigs in town, too.
00:34:35.800 A bunch of us musicians here are talking about organizing a protest to open up some of these venues so we can get back to doing what made Nashville famous and make some music, which we're currently not allowed to do.
00:34:48.520 I know there's a lot of folks out there that don't want us to do that.
00:34:52.520 And I don't want any way to get sick.
00:34:55.620 But I guess I'd say stay home if you're worried about it.
00:34:59.660 Not trying to be insensitive, but really itching to go back to work, make some music, and pay some of these bills.
00:35:04.540 I wanted to hear your input since you're a performer and you're feeling like you struggle to do.
00:35:08.760 I know that the virus is real and all that.
00:35:11.880 You know, especially for people up and coming, it's just, you know, we got bills.
00:35:18.340 Yeah, brother.
00:35:19.420 I feel that, man.
00:35:20.320 Thank you for the call.
00:35:21.820 And, yeah, that's a lot.
00:35:23.700 Y'all got a lot on the table, especially if you're up and coming.
00:35:26.580 If you're trying to, you were building momentum and then all this momentum, you know, just really slow to a grind.
00:35:34.540 You know, one thing I'll think about that is at least everybody's momentum slowed to a grind.
00:35:41.820 So it's even, I think a lot of times it feels like it's just us, you know, or just you or just your band.
00:35:49.980 And I'm not saying you're saying that.
00:35:51.420 I'm just saying sometimes it lands on us that way.
00:35:53.820 But, you know, there's, it's interesting that it's everyone because we're not used, that's the element that we're not used to is that everyone had to stop.
00:36:05.120 But, yeah, I feel you sometimes.
00:36:07.460 I feel you.
00:36:08.320 You know, my mom said, look, if I'm going to die, I'm going to die.
00:36:14.100 You know, she's ready to get out there. 0.58
00:36:16.660 She, you know, she, she'll fist fight the devil. 1.00
00:36:20.080 You know, she's ready to, she wants to live what, what life she has remaining.
00:36:25.600 A lot of people do.
00:36:26.500 Um, large venues are tough because a lot of them, they don't want to open up, uh, because it wouldn't even, the cost of, to rent the space and everything, it's not even, uh, cost effective to have a show at it if you have to have people spaced out so far.
00:36:47.040 Um, yeah, I feel you.
00:36:49.920 Could you just have a show where it's like, hey, if you want to come, this is just listen at your own risk.
00:36:56.500 Why can't that be a thing?
00:37:00.760 You know, just listen at your own risk.
00:37:03.020 That's it.
00:37:05.680 You know, you know, just like at the pool, they say, oh, boy, you know, if you have a bologna or something, you know, you have a little bologna sandwich.
00:37:15.800 You have maybe, you know, half a dozen Tootsie Rolls or something in a bark soda.
00:37:22.060 And they say, don't swim, don't swim. 0.87
00:37:23.960 Um, but you know, Daniel, bro, he don't give a damn, dude. 0.98
00:37:30.800 Daniel will do, he, Daniel fill his mouth with freaking, you know, you know, he'll put, he'll put three beef franks in his mouth and jump straight in the deep end, dude. 0.99
00:37:46.020 He'll plan his funeral in the morning and then die in the afternoon, bro. 0.99
00:37:51.480 You know how that's how he is.
00:37:52.560 He's risky like that.
00:37:54.600 He'll eat and swim at the same time with, and, you know, and he's never taken a lesson.
00:37:58.740 He don't care.
00:37:59.400 That's who he is.
00:38:00.200 So it just, they should have an option, I feel like, for people that want to be Daniel.
00:38:07.960 And then it's, you know, I think then it's like, we get to see, you know, we'll see what happens. 0.75
00:38:14.940 But I personally, I'd rather die over there at a damn Billie Eilish show than I would just hunkered down watching 48, you know, the first 48 again. 0.95
00:38:31.480 It's like, how do you want to die? 0.98
00:38:32.960 You know, you want to die at the, you know, the Louisiana children's performance of the Chinese dragon?
00:38:45.520 Or do you want to die sitting at home watching, you know, Clarissa Explains It All or something reruns?
00:38:55.460 So, yeah, I'm ready.
00:38:57.240 You know, I was just looking yesterday, talking to the agents about getting a tent and maybe doing shows like that.
00:39:03.960 Um, maybe this will, you know, maybe there will just be smaller shows and there will be more traveling type of shows coming up and it'll all take on a new way that we embrace it.
00:39:16.820 You know, I don't know.
00:39:19.100 I don't know, man.
00:39:20.240 I wish I had some solace for you, but I feel you.
00:39:22.760 You know, I'm just itching to be.
00:39:26.700 The biggest thing I mentioned, I mentioned to not forget what it was like before this.
00:39:32.960 Because the more and more this, we live this, that's what starts to happen.
00:39:42.880 You forget how, not comfortable, but just you forget what was going on before.
00:39:47.700 And you kind of become okay with this now.
00:39:55.640 And people say, well, that's, you know, there's risks to that.
00:39:58.100 That's, you know, people could die.
00:39:59.380 But then here's the thing.
00:40:00.300 Those people are choosing to go die.
00:40:04.260 You know, some, I think that's the core of a lot of it too.
00:40:12.400 Some people have a different view of life.
00:40:17.520 You know, and I'm sure this differs if you have children or if you don't.
00:40:23.200 But some people, they say, you know, they had that mayor in Las Vegas.
00:40:27.740 And she's like, well, let's open up and see.
00:40:32.200 You know, I thought that was pretty ballsy of her. 1.00
00:40:36.580 And of course, you can have people say, what are you talking about?
00:40:39.040 But, you know, there's, some people think when they die, they, you know, there's another option.
00:40:47.960 They, you know, it's not all about just this moment.
00:40:52.440 You know, there's that other, there's a deeper coil that we're attached to.
00:40:59.780 And so there's, you know, there's, there's another existence.
00:41:04.380 There's reincarnation.
00:41:05.520 And there's, you know, maybe you come back as a dragon with China written on the side of you. 0.99
00:41:11.520 There's something, maybe you come back as a damn, you know, as a French option over there. 1.00
00:41:18.180 At Chickadee's, bro. 0.98
00:41:20.120 But, you know, like, some people believe that.
00:41:22.320 So they live life differently.
00:41:25.020 Life's different when you have this idea in your head that there's, there's other dimensions.
00:41:30.960 There's other levels you go on, you know.
00:41:32.940 You look at Super Mario differently.
00:41:35.520 And shout out to my boy Bacon Arts who made this right here.
00:41:41.360 And this is Super Mario looking like a bacon.
00:41:43.720 But, but then there's some people who, you know, this is it.
00:41:47.060 This is it.
00:41:48.280 And so they're so caught, they, you know, they don't have that extra, those next levels that they have in their psyche.
00:41:54.420 And so they think it's all right here, right now.
00:41:56.460 This is it.
00:41:59.980 But, so then, of course, those types of people are going to have different views on what's going on and how we react to it in nature.
00:42:08.180 But, and then there's Brennan Schaub who almost single-handedly took out the entire podcast universe.
00:42:16.940 So, you know, there's just different types of folks.
00:42:21.860 Just joking, man.
00:42:26.460 But keep, but not joking.
00:42:28.280 You get it.
00:42:29.500 Let's take another call, man.
00:42:30.640 Here we go.
00:42:31.980 Theo Vaughn.
00:42:33.720 This is Lauren from Boston.
00:42:35.820 And I am calling because I love and like you.
00:42:39.100 All right, Lauren, appreciate the good words.
00:42:43.020 Thank you for calling.
00:42:43.700 Onward.
00:42:44.620 I saw you at the Wilbur Theater last March in Boston.
00:42:48.640 My friend Kevin took me for my birthday.
00:42:51.460 We had super good seats right up front.
00:42:54.260 You were so funny.
00:42:55.920 You even at the beginning seemed a little bit nervous.
00:42:58.960 And then you crushed it.
00:43:00.380 Your openers were awesome.
00:43:02.560 Neither of us had ever heard of them.
00:43:04.100 And they were, they were awesome to be introduced to.
00:43:06.680 So, um, but I'm calling because I'm from New Hampshire originally.
00:43:12.680 And shout out Ham. 0.62
00:43:15.360 Shout out in Ham, baby. 1.00
00:43:17.360 Live free or die, son. 0.96
00:43:18.680 You know that.
00:43:20.060 That's their motto.
00:43:21.960 Um, and maybe that would be a good place to have those types of concerts, brother.
00:43:26.260 Who called in a minute ago.
00:43:28.740 You know?
00:43:30.660 Out there in New Hampshire where, you know, they got Dunkin' Donuts.
00:43:34.680 They got a cemetery right there.
00:43:36.160 You go to the show, you know, you hit the urgent care after, and then boom.
00:43:40.920 You're in a cemetery if it doesn't work out.
00:43:43.360 Otherwise, you're living free.
00:43:44.660 Gang, man.
00:43:45.240 Onward.
00:43:45.780 That, that rural outskirt, um, where, you know, before Trump's America was a thing, it was Trump's America.
00:43:54.180 The Confederate flag up north, trucks with lift kits.
00:43:58.340 People say yes, spelled Y-U-T.
00:44:01.020 Yep.
00:44:01.740 Yep.
00:44:02.180 Um, and a lot of those folks, you know, became Trump voters.
00:44:05.820 And I'm down here in Boston.
00:44:07.260 I went to college here, and I stayed here.
00:44:08.900 And, um, it's hard to explain to people the nuance.
00:44:13.660 You know, the, I'm a feminist. 1.00
00:44:16.600 I'm progressive in many ways.
00:44:18.840 And I still have love and respect for the people I grew up with.
00:44:22.800 And I feel like a lot of that is being washed away on both sides.
00:44:27.240 Um, and there are little places where it still lives, and you help remind people of that.
00:44:33.080 That you can be many different kinds of a person and love many different kinds of people.
00:44:39.160 Um, and I just appreciate it.
00:44:42.880 Well, man, this audio is jacky today.
00:44:46.020 Um, thank you for the call, young lady.
00:44:48.200 And I think it's nice that your boy Kevin took you out there to see the show.
00:44:53.440 And that's a real, you know, when you get out there to see the show, that's really.
00:44:57.620 I mean, man, it's fun, I feel like.
00:45:00.020 You know, I've said before, a lot of times I want to be on the, I want to be sitting in the audience.
00:45:04.200 I don't want to be up there on the stage.
00:45:05.580 I want to be out in the audience and just, and be able to enjoy the show, you know.
00:45:09.720 Um, and I do enjoy it, but it's just a different type of, of thing.
00:45:14.060 Um, yeah, you know, you know, there's a lot, look, there's a lot of people in America that, that are going to vote for Donald Trump.
00:45:23.040 You know, there's a lot of people that like him.
00:45:25.180 Um, you know, certainly.
00:45:27.240 And there's people that are in my family that, that love him.
00:45:36.380 You know, um, there's people that don't.
00:45:39.700 Um, there's people that don't love him, but that will vote for him.
00:45:44.660 There's people that, that, uh, that will vote for Biden if he runs.
00:45:50.800 There will, there, you know, there's, there's all types.
00:45:53.200 Um, but I do think it is interesting how, you know, I don't, I'll never turn my back on any of those types of people.
00:46:04.440 I don't care.
00:46:05.440 I don't think anyone should tell you who to, who to vote for.
00:46:08.760 I really, really don't.
00:46:10.080 Um, I think that's your thing.
00:46:14.580 And it, it, it, it gets to me how I see how people where I'm from are people.
00:46:23.220 I see how people that love Donald Trump love him.
00:46:25.800 I see how they support him.
00:46:27.940 And I don't know.
00:46:28.780 I mean, I think there's some people that love him, but I think there's some people that just vote for him.
00:46:32.100 Um, but I see why I certainly see why when it comes to being poor and white, because nobody, everywhere else, everybody else looks at you. 0.55
00:46:46.480 The media makes funny all the time. 0.97
00:46:49.240 The only people you can make fun of still are poor white people. 0.87
00:46:53.520 You know, on any television shows, it seems like, um, you know, if you're from a poor white place, they, they immediately. 0.96
00:47:02.100 They say you're racist. 0.97
00:47:03.180 They say you're, uh, dumb, you know, um, they look over us and yeah, but if you're poor in any other color or if you're impoverished from an impoverished place and you're black or Latino or Muslim or, um, something, then you're, oh, it's your, oh, had such a tough time. 0.98
00:47:30.940 You had a tough upbringing, you know, oh, and, and I'm not saying you didn't, but let's, I'm just saying you have to be, it's gotta be a fair, fair thing. 0.98
00:47:40.640 Um, I don't know, I don't know, but yeah, I don't, if, if you, I don't care who you vote for.
00:47:50.420 I hope you vote for somebody that, that you like.
00:47:54.900 I really do.
00:47:55.800 Um, and I don't care what side of the track that they're on.
00:48:01.100 I really don't, you know, I voted for candidates on both sides, which I don't even know if you can legally do that.
00:48:07.620 Um, but anyway, I didn't mean to just kind of ramble on a lot of that stuff, but, uh, but yeah, you know, I, it's, it, it hurts me.
00:48:19.360 It hurts me a lot of times when I hear people say certain things, um, cause they just assume, you know, they assume that people around from a racist.
00:48:28.980 Man, you know how many times we spent building habitat for humanity houses, going to help with those, uh, for poor black families in our area.
00:48:37.040 And we didn't have a house, you know, I was on the same bus as those kids.
00:48:43.860 Um, you know, uh, but what do you, you know, you just, you know, you can't harbor on the stuff.
00:48:56.680 You just try and do your best and, um, you know, but I, I, I've seen a lot of great stuff from a lot of the areas that other people these days and a lot of other people, it's just the media.
00:49:10.800 It seems like definitely, uh, seems to look down on except for when they want to sell you something, boy, they'll take your money.
00:49:21.060 So that's what people start to do is just be careful where they put their money, you know?
00:49:26.680 Because perspective is some people, their perspective is just one thing.
00:49:31.620 So it's like, you can't get angry at a fish for being in water, man.
00:49:36.080 You can't get, you just, you can, but is it really just that justifiable?
00:49:42.660 If all the fish knows is water and you ever hear telling them about air, he don't know about air.
00:49:50.760 You know, and I'm pretty, you know, fortunate, I've been able to, you know, I've been, I've been fortunate to, you know, kind of just spend time right on the beach, you know, in the air and in the, and in the water and, and, um, and both are awesome, man.
00:50:13.540 Gang, bro.
00:50:16.760 But anyway, I didn't mean to rob a rattle off. 1.00
00:50:18.580 That's a lot of political shit, man. 0.98
00:50:19.880 I shouldn't, uh, you know, some of them, I don't like talking about a lot of that kind of stuff. 0.99
00:50:24.020 Um, but, but we got too much stuff dividing us these days and they win when they divide us.
00:50:35.320 They win.
00:50:35.720 And you know that gang, bro, let's take another call.
00:50:38.440 It came in right here, gang, bro.
00:50:41.640 Hey, what up, Theo? 0.99
00:50:42.780 Fucking, um, I'm calling from Vegas. 0.99
00:50:47.260 It's been having this shit on my mind and I don't know what to do, dog. 1.00
00:50:54.300 I'm about to have a baby and shit. 1.00
00:50:56.180 And, um, oh, congratulations, brother. 0.99
00:50:59.920 That's awesome, man.
00:51:00.880 And if you get a baby, dude, then, you know, you get a real gift, you know, to think that somebody is entrusting you with a life.
00:51:08.600 That's pretty amazing.
00:51:10.480 You know, that's crazy that the other side of existence is straight up mailing you a life out of your girl's body, dog.
00:51:21.760 That's crazy, bro.
00:51:23.480 That's the original FedEx right there, son.
00:51:26.300 Gang. 0.97
00:51:27.020 I went to my girl's, like, Facebook and all that shit. 0.99
00:51:31.880 Come to find out, like, she's like a low-key little hoe before I got with her. 1.00
00:51:36.720 And she was, like, fucking some fucking fool. 1.00
00:51:41.860 I don't even know, like, a month before she met me and shit. 1.00
00:51:45.580 And, like, I wasn't, I've been on her, like, Facebook and I see, like, all the fucking motherfuckers that she used to have, like, liking her pictures and all that shit. 0.99
00:51:56.780 She don't have them on there no more. 1.00
00:51:58.360 But, I mean, I had to check her, like, fucking at least fucking three times about that shit. 0.99
00:52:02.680 And, like, I'd be finding shit, like, on her conversations with, like, her fucking family and all that. 1.00
00:52:09.200 And she's over here talking about how she used to fucking have motherfuckers up in her fucking apartment. 1.00
00:52:14.480 And, like, dang, dang, bro. 0.99
00:52:18.680 Uh, appreciate the call, you know, that, um, man, I'm sorry that, you know, I can certainly, you know, I've had a lot of experiences with jealousy.
00:52:31.100 You know, and I'm not accusing you of being jealous, but, you know, um, you know, you got a good opportunity right now.
00:52:43.480 You know, all the things you said she used to do before y'all were together.
00:52:49.240 She had a life before you guys, you know that, man.
00:52:52.220 And so, it's, um, you know, it's really, you know, you got to, I mean, you can't, you got to G up, bro.
00:53:03.380 Maybe have a Red Bull or something and just, you need to, I think you got to find some ways to forgive her, man.
00:53:10.820 I think you have to, bro, because you can't be, you're going to drag all this stuff along forever.
00:53:16.720 You know, I'm sorry to hear that, but you can't, what was your past like? 0.96
00:53:20.000 Like, you know, I used to be real angry at my girl and then I realized, damn, my past was sketchy, bro. 0.91
00:53:26.240 Hell, my current is sketchy. 0.95
00:53:29.780 I'm sketchy now. 0.98
00:53:33.520 So, you know, when I've had a girlfriend and it's like, damn, you know, I used to get angry, bro. 0.93
00:53:39.580 I used to get angry at my girlfriends. 0.77
00:53:42.780 Dude, my first girlfriend, one time I got so angry because she had dated this guy before me 0.99
00:53:47.560 and I like held that shit against her. 0.99
00:53:50.000 You know, I made her feel bad and stuff, man. 0.99
00:53:53.480 She couldn't, it just, she couldn't do nothing about that, man.
00:53:57.360 That was before I even knew her.
00:54:04.420 So, you know, I think you just got to find some ways.
00:54:07.460 You got a baby coming.
00:54:09.440 Like there's, you know, God is giving you this gift between you and this girl.
00:54:14.140 So, it's obvious that there's some real power there between you guys.
00:54:17.900 And I know it's going to be hard, man, but I think you just got to forgive her and just let, you have to let it go.
00:54:25.980 You know, I maybe even find somebody to talk to about it.
00:54:28.020 I think that that could help, man.
00:54:29.420 I really, really do.
00:54:30.360 You know, and I'm sorry to just kind of sound like I'm telling you what to do, but I just want to see you enjoy this experience.
00:54:38.540 I don't want to see you look back and, you know, because it sounds like you're just angry.
00:54:44.320 And are you, I don't even know if you're really angry at her if you're just, if you're just angry, you know.
00:54:48.200 And, um, I don't know, I just, the last thing we need in this world is some kid coming into it and, you know, and people fighting over the past.
00:55:00.420 We got enough fighting over the past going on in the world.
00:55:02.920 You know, and so I think if, if you can do it, man, you got to let, you got to, you're going to have to let some of that stuff go and be a cool dad and start a new adventure with her. 0.98
00:55:17.080 You know, I know it's really hard, but you can like just be supportive of her and just be a man so, so she doesn't have to be with these fools anymore. 0.98
00:55:27.080 You know, you're lucky you caught her from these fools. 0.99
00:55:29.640 You know, and a lot of Latinos, man, they like to fight in a car wash. 1.00
00:55:33.820 I remember, I went to school over there in Tucson and kids always fist fighting over there in a car wash. 0.99
00:55:38.880 And then somebody get the suds gun and fucking go to town on some little dude, you know. 1.00
00:55:43.400 Little Hector getting, you know. 0.99
00:55:46.240 Oh, you like the limpio Hector. 0.95
00:55:48.880 You like the limpio Papa.
00:55:51.360 So it's, you know, it's just, you can do it, bro.
00:55:55.540 But, you know, I would find somebody that you could talk to that can really help you about it.
00:56:01.900 And maybe even go into like a 12 steps for anger, anonymous or something.
00:56:06.300 And I'm not trying to call you out.
00:56:07.660 I'm not trying to say you're a bad guy or anything like that.
00:56:10.040 I'm really not.
00:56:11.620 You know, we're just people, bro.
00:56:14.000 And it's not easy being people.
00:56:16.220 But that baby, man, you're going to, I just want you to have fun with that baby.
00:56:20.440 You know, and you got a great chance. 1.00
00:56:22.700 She didn't have a baby with any of those fools, bro. 1.00
00:56:24.580 You don't want. 1.00
00:56:25.660 So go get it done, daddy.
00:56:27.040 You can do it.
00:56:28.060 You know, I really think you can do it.
00:56:32.100 All right, let's take one more call here.
00:56:33.960 Actually, this is a good, this is a good place to let you know right now about BetterHelp.
00:56:38.520 That this episode is brought to you by BetterHelp.
00:56:41.740 BetterHelp will assess your needs and match you with your own licensed professional therapist.
00:56:47.100 You can start communicating in under 24 hours.
00:56:50.460 It's not a crisis line.
00:56:51.860 It's not self-help.
00:56:53.320 It is professional counseling done securely online.
00:56:57.820 There's a broad range of expertise in BetterHelp's counselor network, which may not be locally available in many areas.
00:57:06.480 You know, it's interesting.
00:57:07.620 We'll get like a gym membership, but we won't get a membership to take care of ourselves emotionally.
00:57:11.640 And I think BetterHelp offers you that.
00:57:15.320 You get timely, thoughtful responses.
00:57:17.260 Plus, you can schedule weekly video or phone sessions so you won't ever have to sit in an uncomfortable waiting room as with traditional therapy.
00:57:27.220 BetterHelp is committed to facilitating great therapeutic matches.
00:57:31.400 They make it easy and free to change counselors if needed.
00:57:36.360 You know, I had a counselor on there, and we would talk on the phone, and sometimes we would Skype.
00:57:41.580 And even if I needed someone in an emergency situation, BetterHelp offered that.
00:57:46.420 BetterHelp wants you to start living a happier life today.
00:57:48.520 Visit BetterHelp.com slash Theo, that's B-E-T-T-E-R-H-E-L-P, and join the over 500,000 people taking charge of their mental health with the help of an experienced professional.
00:58:03.920 That's right.
00:58:04.800 Special offer for this past weekend listeners.
00:58:07.760 Get 10% off your first month at BetterHelp.com slash T-H-E-O. 0.55
00:58:14.760 So, what else do we have, man?
00:58:18.380 Should we get into one more call?
00:58:22.160 Here we go.
00:58:22.920 Let's take this hitter, gang. 0.51
00:58:25.480 Hey, Theo.
00:58:26.300 This is Mike from Illinois.
00:58:28.360 I've got a question I want to run by you.
00:58:32.540 Just moved to a new town, and I've got a little bit of money saved up, and I work full-time, and I'm thinking about starting up a side business.
00:58:40.500 And for years I've been looking into it.
00:58:42.980 I think I'm ready to finally go.
00:58:44.760 I think I'm going to start my own ice cream truck business.
00:58:48.560 I got really excited and started looking into it.
00:58:51.600 Right away, all my friends are kind of poo-pooing the idea.
00:58:56.060 They called haters, baby.
00:58:58.100 They called haters, Michael.
00:58:59.560 More?
00:59:00.480 Saying it's creepy and that it's, you know, there's a lot of pedophilia, ideology surrounding the whole thing, which I never thought about.
00:59:08.740 Well, you definitely should have thought about that, man.
00:59:12.560 You know, we had a guy by us.
00:59:13.880 They had a company called Perry's Putt-Putt, and they sold mini golf to children.
00:59:18.760 And, hell, I don't even know if they sold it to us.
00:59:22.180 I think if you just showed up and had shorts on, the man would let you play it.
00:59:25.840 And the man, I think this man, Mr. Perry, he would get out there and he would, every now and then he would spin the boys around in a circle.
00:59:34.800 You know?
00:59:35.100 And he would grab you by your feet and he would spin you around. 0.96
00:59:42.600 And everybody would laugh and stuff, and half the time you'd vomit or, you know, spit up a damn now and later or whatever you'd had for lunch. 0.98
00:59:50.560 But, yeah, it was a real, real shithole establishment. 0.96
00:59:56.060 But, um, but you got to think about the, yeah, you can't, I wouldn't go alone out there, you know?
01:00:05.040 If you go in wealthier neighborhoods, it's going to be different.
01:00:07.600 You're going to deal, the kid is going to come to the thing with the parent or with a babysitter.
01:00:13.000 But, dog, you roll down East McGee Street over there in Covington, Louisiana, son, you're going to have a frigging, you know, you're going to have a couple seven, six-year-olds.
01:00:23.420 Some kid trade you a video game. 0.96
01:00:26.920 Some kid trade you a freaking, uh, you know, maybe a, um, a picture frame with his grandmother in it.
01:00:33.340 People do more trade and barter for that Astro Pop, you know? 0.87
01:00:38.340 For that little Mickey Mouse with the gumball nose.
01:00:43.120 Or give you that for that, that Bananarama, you know, slick, you know, thing.
01:00:50.460 You know, that banana fudge sickle. 1.00
01:00:54.420 So, fuck, I say do it, man. 1.00
01:00:57.700 But I would, I would get a different type of music. 1.00
01:01:00.080 I would do country music or get crunk with it, you know?
01:01:03.800 Carl's Country Cream Van.
01:01:06.800 That's what I'd call it.
01:01:07.920 Carl's Country Cream Van.
01:01:09.200 And every now and then you pull over and get out and do a dance.
01:01:12.940 Do something.
01:01:13.920 Come with a real-ass hustle.
01:01:16.920 That way, at least if a kid gets diddled out or something or you're even flirting with a kid, at least they, you know, you brought some entertainment to the village first. 0.99
01:01:24.460 Otherwise, you get these assholes rolling through the neighborhood. 0.99
01:01:28.600 But all they want to do is touch kids and make cream money, you know? 1.00
01:01:33.640 And they're not, you know, they're not doing nothing.
01:01:37.840 But, but yeah, man, I think it sounds pretty cool, bro.
01:01:42.540 I think, hey, you know, I pull, I get me one of them Astro Pops.
01:01:47.860 I don't even know what you can get.
01:01:48.700 I love Astro Pops, so I give you 75 cents for it, you know?
01:01:52.860 Or let you feel my elbows, bro. 1.00
01:01:55.740 You know that shit, boy. 1.00
01:01:57.060 Shout out Perry. 1.00
01:01:57.800 Shout out Perry's Putt-Putt. 0.88
01:01:59.540 Real rot-gut establishment over there.
01:02:02.720 All right, I'll take one more call here.
01:02:04.320 Let's get it, gang.
01:02:06.140 What's up, Farns with the Bonds, daddy?
01:02:08.800 This is Denzel Salkington, a.k.a.
01:02:10.760 Barmello's Anthony.
01:02:11.840 I'm calling from Mimph-Ganistan, brother.
01:02:14.700 Oh, Lord, baby.
01:02:15.800 We got a fella.
01:02:16.380 He's calling from Mimph-Ganistan.
01:02:18.000 Man, that's Memphis, baby.
01:02:20.220 Oh, yeah, that's home of the first 48, bro. 0.98
01:02:22.500 If you like a little bit of urban murder, bro, crack into that gang, bro.
01:02:26.380 I just had three questions for you.
01:02:29.280 The first one was, have you ever been to Memphis for a show or for anything?
01:02:34.480 Yes, sir.
01:02:36.220 And I've been to Memphis, man.
01:02:37.720 I've been down there on Beale Street where they got the people drinking by the goats.
01:02:41.500 I've been over there, you know?
01:02:44.860 I've been over there and seen.
01:02:46.200 I've been over to Sun Studios.
01:02:48.000 I've driven over off to Tupelo and seen where Elvis was lived as a baby.
01:02:53.920 You know, I've been over there in Memphis, over to the Peabody Hotel, where the ducks roll through there.
01:03:00.460 You know, I've been over there, baby.
01:03:02.580 And I love it, man.
01:03:03.800 Gang, I love Tennessee.
01:03:05.220 Don't we?
01:03:05.660 Like that.
01:03:06.500 If not, you should come.
01:03:07.840 We'll definitely keep you safe.
01:03:09.200 I love how that's your new motto in Memphis, dude.
01:03:13.520 We'll keep you safe, bro.
01:03:15.040 That's it.
01:03:17.120 Dude, if you've ever seen the first 48, bro, that's Memphis' new motto.
01:03:22.280 We'll keep you safe, bro.
01:03:26.800 Onward, man.
01:03:27.400 I appreciate it.
01:03:28.180 Two, you are a very beautiful man. 0.79
01:03:32.600 And that isn't gay because I like women sexually. 0.99
01:03:34.900 But I just had to let you know that you are a very beautiful man.
01:03:37.760 Thank you, brother, and I appreciate that.
01:03:39.960 And I feel a little bit more beautiful than I used to when I was young.
01:03:44.620 Which is interesting because I was definitely handsomer when I was young because I had more blood in my body and more, you know, tighter cells and everything.
01:03:56.120 And I feel you, man.
01:03:57.160 There's nothing gay about that.
01:03:59.720 You know, there's nothing real, there's nothing real, real gay about it. 0.99
01:04:03.920 If you think another man is, I mean, it's a little. 1.00
01:04:08.080 It's definitely kind of late night, you know, cocaine vibes, kind of, if you say that, you know, that's a beautiful man.
01:04:17.180 But it's onward, onward.
01:04:19.080 I know part of it has to do with that mullet.
01:04:23.940 But even without the mullet, you're still very beautiful.
01:04:27.380 It's a haircut.
01:04:28.460 It's a hockey haircut, really, bro.
01:04:29.680 I don't know if you ever watched hockey or been to Europe, which is another country.
01:04:34.900 But they have more unique hair there, you know.
01:04:41.920 And shout out Hanzo Nation, bro. 0.98
01:04:44.040 Gang onward.
01:04:45.000 And I just had to let you know that.
01:04:46.520 I appreciate you, Theo Vaughn.
01:04:49.100 Dude, you said three questions, dog.
01:04:51.660 That was one question.
01:04:53.400 And he told me I'm beautiful, bro.
01:04:54.920 That's flirting.
01:04:57.240 So to be real honest, that's flirting, man.
01:05:01.100 You know, and.
01:05:03.200 But hey, whatever, man.
01:05:04.440 Look, I'll say this, dude.
01:05:05.400 What about this, bro?
01:05:06.880 And no homo at all, you know. 1.00
01:05:08.480 If you feel me, bro. 0.99
01:05:09.320 No homo. 1.00
01:05:09.800 But if you had to take a man out on a date, this is for anybody out there.
01:05:15.320 And it's for straight men.
01:05:17.160 Straight men only. 0.79
01:05:19.680 If you had to take a man on a date.
01:05:23.440 On a first date, you had to take a man. 1.00
01:05:26.220 Say you go over there.
01:05:27.760 You go over to the get, you know, to the side of the tracks where men love men.
01:05:32.620 And you know what I'm talking about. 0.99
01:05:35.000 Homosexuals. 0.99
01:05:36.480 Say you do it. 1.00
01:05:38.340 Right?
01:05:38.700 And it's great if you do.
01:05:40.020 If you want that.
01:05:41.640 If you want that in your life, do it.
01:05:45.100 But if you're a straight man, what kind of date would you take a man on if you were going to take a man out?
01:05:54.440 I'd love to hear some of those calls.
01:05:56.940 9-8-5-6-6-4-9-5-0-3.
01:05:59.980 We'll get into some of those next week.
01:06:02.340 If you were really to be, you know, being wild with a man.
01:06:06.840 You know, if you were going to take a man out. 0.98
01:06:11.500 But you're not gay, but you were going to take a man out. 1.00
01:06:14.960 And I think it's really straight of us to even talk about this.
01:06:17.620 And, you know, there's nothing wrong with that, man.
01:06:23.260 So, yeah.
01:06:25.140 So, if you got that man, hit the hotline.
01:06:26.780 9-8-5-6-6-4-9-5-0-3.
01:06:32.480 Yeah, I want to thank everybody.
01:06:33.900 I want to thank you guys for the call.
01:06:34.920 A lot of great calls.
01:06:36.500 You know, I want to hope that everybody's staying safe out there.
01:06:39.880 You know, I want to apologize if I said anything that's just kind of too political or anything like that.
01:06:46.520 I know people get enough of that in the world.
01:06:51.080 But, you know, I can't help where God put me into the world at.
01:06:57.800 And, you know, I feel like, you know, I feel like, I have to believe that we're all headed into a best direction.
01:07:11.840 You know, and I believe that.
01:07:14.320 I really do.
01:07:15.400 Because I don't think that, I just don't think that this whole adventure of being human is supposed to turn out bad.
01:07:33.120 Sometimes I want to. 0.98
01:07:35.440 It's fun to think of anarchy and, you know, it'd be fun to play Robin Hood and get on your roof and, you know, shoot people down and stuff and that kind of shit. 0.90
01:07:44.060 But, you know, it's, I don't, I think that we're all headed overall into the best, into best practices, you know. 0.86
01:07:55.880 So, but anyway, man, I love you.
01:07:58.920 And, and you guys be good to yourselves, man.
01:08:03.520 You know, you deserve it.
01:08:04.620 And thanks for the calls.
01:08:05.460 And we'll get out to the rest of them next time.
01:08:07.600 And, gang.
01:08:14.060 Celebrate living.
01:08:35.060 Celebrate misery.
01:08:37.260 You know that soon we're gonna die. 0.98
01:08:46.180 Let's have some fun while we all die.
01:08:52.440 Celebrate dark days. 0.95
01:08:55.940 Celebrate all your pain.
01:09:00.680 All of the demons exercised. 0.99
01:09:04.600 Let's have some fun while we all die.
01:09:13.520 Also, I wanted to thank all of our Patreon supporters.
01:09:17.220 You know, we just put a new video up on there, too, just so you can check it out.
01:09:20.720 And, you know, I know we've pared down our Patreon and made it very limited of what we're offering there.
01:09:26.600 It's just basically a very low-level support of $2.
01:09:32.380 But still, there's a lot of people that choose to make that support.
01:09:36.520 And, and I just want to say thank you very much.
01:09:39.420 You guys be good to yourself, gang.
01:09:43.700 Ladies and gentlemen, I'm Jonathan Kite, and welcome to Kite Club,
01:09:47.580 a podcast where I'll be sharing thoughts on things like current events,
01:09:50.900 stand-up stories, and seven ways to pleasure your partner.
01:09:55.000 The answer may shock you.
01:09:56.740 Sometimes I'll interview my friends.
01:09:58.800 Sometimes I won't.
01:10:00.480 And as always, I'll be joined by the voices in my head.
01:10:03.400 You have three new voice messages.
01:10:06.380 A lot of people are talking about Kite Club.
01:10:09.340 I've been talking about Kite Club for so long.
01:10:12.000 Longer than anybody else.
01:10:13.620 So great.
01:10:14.240 I think Tom Hanks just butt-dialed me.
01:10:33.640 Anyway, first rule of Kite Club is, tell everyone about Kite Club.
01:10:37.940 Second rule of Kite Club is, tell everyone about Kite Club.
01:10:41.900 Third rule, like and subscribe wherever you listen to podcasts,
01:10:45.800 or watch us on YouTube, yeah?
01:10:47.980 And yes, don't worry, my Brad Pitt impression will get better.