This Past Weekend with Theo Von - E290 Andrew Santino 3

00:00:00.000 Today's episode is brought to you by Grayblock Pizza.

00:00:03.640 If you've wanted that feeling in your mouth that's warm and cheesy and meaty and crusty,

00:00:10.920 well, you don't have to do something unnatural anymore.

00:00:15.080 You can go to a wonderful place called Grayblock Pizza in Los Angeles,

00:00:18.740 1811 Pico Boulevard on the way to the beach.

00:00:22.220 Grayblock, get that hitter, baby. 1.00

00:00:25.000 Today's guest is a man, and he's really one of a kind.

00:00:30.000 And very unique.

00:00:33.680 He is an actor.

00:00:35.380 He's a podcaster.

00:00:37.380 He is a part of the Bad Friends podcast and host of Whiskey Ginger.

00:00:43.520 He's a comedian.

00:00:46.020 And he's my friend, Mr. Andrew Santino.

00:01:00.000 He's got really nice, smooth skin.

00:01:24.000 And it's like wax paper.

00:01:25.840 He's almost not real.

00:01:27.020 At some point, I don't know, we might find out that he's not real.

00:01:29.860 Yeah.

00:01:30.300 But he's a sweet, sweet boy.

00:01:32.140 Oh, at some point, the Jumanji game is going to end somewhere, and he's going to disappear.

00:01:35.540 He's just going to disappear.

00:01:36.160 Like, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:01:39.340 Dude, who is worse friends?

00:01:42.460 Oh, so y'all's new show is called Bad Friends.

00:01:46.200 Bad Friends, yeah.

00:01:47.220 And who is worse friends?

00:01:48.500 You and Bobby or me and, what's it called?

00:01:52.060 Pirate's Booty himself, Brennan Schaub.

00:01:53.760 Oh, Brennan?

00:01:54.400 Brennan?

00:01:54.940 Yeah.

00:01:55.680 I think you guys are worse friends.

00:01:57.480 Barnyard, they call him.

00:01:58.160 Barnyard, yeah.

00:01:59.140 They call him.

00:02:00.500 Barndor Schlubin is probably, you guys are worse friends.

00:02:03.940 No, no, no.

00:02:04.780 No one's, me and Bobby are friends.

00:02:07.120 I'll ask you this.

00:02:07.840 How about this?

00:02:08.740 Bobby and I are friends because we get mad at each other all the time.

00:02:12.700 Okay.

00:02:13.260 Like, are you and Brennan friends because you bicker a lot?

00:02:16.340 Do you bicker a lot and it makes you closer or no?

00:02:19.260 Well, that's a good question.

00:02:20.240 I mean, yeah, the reason the show even started was because we were ripping on each other.

00:02:23.840 Yeah, right.

00:02:24.460 Okay, so with us, it started because we undeniably have opposing lifestyles.

00:02:30.080 So we would tease each other and get mad at each other for it.

00:02:33.840 I hated that he played video games till four in the morning.

00:02:36.260 Oh, yeah. 0.99

00:02:36.760 He thinks sports are for losers. 0.99

00:02:39.260 Yeah. 0.99

00:02:39.680 We're polar opposites.

00:02:40.860 I like that stuff.

00:02:41.720 He likes that stuff.

00:02:42.740 And we make fun of each other for it, but it just, it works. 0.99

00:02:45.800 Like, the way that you and Barnyard shit on each other. 1.00

00:02:48.380 Yeah. 0.99

00:02:49.560 It's beautiful because I know half of it's real and half of it's all love.

00:02:53.780 Yeah.

00:02:54.220 But it's, you know, there's a balance to all of it.

00:02:57.260 Yeah, it's that heartfelt dung, really, a lot of it, you know?

00:03:01.860 It's like, hey, here's a turd, but man, you know, I put a valentine at the end of it.

00:03:05.140 It looks nice.

00:03:05.620 I wrapped it up nice.

00:03:06.280 Yeah, yeah. 0.99

00:03:06.680 Yeah, I wrapped this piece of shit for you, but you mean a lot to me. 0.98

00:03:09.800 Yeah, that's kind of how it is, man. 0.98

00:03:11.740 You look good.

00:03:12.280 You feel good?

00:03:13.280 I feel okay, man.

00:03:14.960 I'm going to Nashville to look around over there.

00:03:17.260 I know we talked, huh?

00:03:18.220 Yeah.

00:03:18.360 You excited?

00:03:18.760 You excited?

00:03:18.800 I looked at houses online when I texted you.

00:03:22.580 When you said you were looking at Nashville, I looked at houses online just to see what

00:03:25.420 they're like over there.

00:03:27.160 It's so funny to think that, like...

00:03:29.220 Could you get something nice there?

00:03:30.700 You can.

00:03:31.840 You can, but not like I thought it would be.

00:03:34.980 Right.

00:03:35.360 Because Nashville's popular, dude.

00:03:36.660 Yeah.

00:03:36.900 That's not...

00:03:37.420 This isn't like a...

00:03:39.080 You know, when somebody's like, I'm moving to Cincinnati, you're like, all right, you're

00:03:41.360 going to buy the whole town.

00:03:42.480 Right.

00:03:42.580 And you could buy Cincinnati.

00:03:44.240 Yeah.

00:03:44.440 But you go to Nashville, it's still like it is out here.

00:03:47.640 It's a little expensive in the sense of like, you know, you're going to get your money's

00:03:51.420 worth, but...

00:03:52.100 It's pricey.

00:03:53.000 Yeah.

00:03:53.440 Well, because it's desirable.

00:03:55.300 Tennessee's great.

00:03:55.880 There's no state income tax.

00:03:57.020 Yeah.

00:03:57.260 Right?

00:03:57.760 It's also...

00:03:58.280 Nashville is a hub for music and culture and art.

00:04:00.940 Anytime you get that, you're going to have people going there from places like Illinois

00:04:05.560 where I'm from.

00:04:06.600 It's too expensive to live.

00:04:08.360 The taxes are as much as they are out...

00:04:09.700 My parents pay almost what I pay.

00:04:11.560 No way.

00:04:12.060 Yeah.

00:04:12.420 And taxes for their house. 0.77

00:04:13.360 And your parents are still married?

00:04:15.320 Yeah. 1.00

00:04:16.120 Damn. 1.00

00:04:16.900 Yeah. 0.99

00:04:17.640 But I mean, legally.

00:04:19.000 Legally.

00:04:19.440 Right.

00:04:19.960 Because when my dad's retired, you know...

00:04:22.640 Do they sleep in the same bedroom still?

00:04:25.100 No.

00:04:25.540 Yes and no.

00:04:26.500 My dad stays up late at night.

00:04:28.280 Yeah.

00:04:28.920 So he doesn't go...

00:04:29.720 You know what I mean?

00:04:30.160 That's the move.

00:04:31.060 When it gets to that age, when it's the final 20, when it's that final 20 years, when that

00:04:36.900 last quarter...

00:04:37.360 Last lap.

00:04:37.440 ...quarter.

00:04:37.960 Yeah.

00:04:38.180 When that last lap starts, the big move is to stay in front of the TV as long as you

00:04:42.460 can once the spouse goes to bed.

00:04:44.540 Because when they go to bed, then you go, oh, I fell asleep.

00:04:46.780 I didn't know.

00:04:47.280 I just...

00:04:47.680 I didn't know you went up last night.

00:04:48.760 I fell asleep.

00:04:49.500 Yeah.

00:04:49.780 He loves the couch.

00:04:51.160 Sometimes he sleeps in the guest room sometimes because he says he didn't...

00:04:53.680 If he goes, oh, I had a cough or I didn't feel good.

00:04:56.180 Separation.

00:04:56.500 I don't like sleeping in the same bed.

00:04:57.820 Oh.

00:04:57.940 Do you like sleeping in the same bed as a lady? 1.00

00:04:59.100 No.

00:04:59.420 No.

00:04:59.780 I don't like sleeping in the same apartment as a lady. 1.00

00:05:01.360 I know.

00:05:01.760 I want a shared room.

00:05:02.620 That's why I want to get a big enough house where my wife can be on one side. 1.00

00:05:05.040 I can be on the other.

00:05:06.140 I have a couple of friends like that.

00:05:07.720 Yeah.

00:05:08.000 They're just big enough homes where they split.

00:05:09.740 Yeah.

00:05:09.920 I want to have a schedule in the kitchen.

00:05:11.260 You know, we'll meet here at noon.

00:05:12.900 Yeah.

00:05:13.220 You know, but I can be in my wing.

00:05:14.540 You're in your wing.

00:05:15.520 We'll link up for breakfast or lunch.

00:05:17.200 Then we continue on.

00:05:18.020 How great is that?

00:05:18.760 It's beautiful, man.

00:05:19.900 I don't like sleeping in the same bed.

00:05:21.160 I'm dead serious.

00:05:21.780 I don't...

00:05:22.300 I don't...

00:05:22.700 I want...

00:05:23.780 I want my whole space.

00:05:25.280 I get too hot.

00:05:26.080 I get anxious.

00:05:26.720 I flip around.

00:05:27.360 Do you wake up at night or no?

00:05:28.560 Yeah.

00:05:29.040 I'm up all night long.

00:05:30.440 Yeah.

00:05:30.700 You seem like somebody that was up all night.

00:05:32.680 I wake up.

00:05:33.200 I go to the bathroom.

00:05:33.800 I go to bed.

00:05:34.200 I wake up.

00:05:34.640 Oh, my God.

00:05:34.940 I go write something down.

00:05:36.480 I watch TV.

00:05:37.840 I can't sleep through the night straight.

00:05:39.360 Write something down?

00:05:40.860 Yeah.

00:05:41.380 What is this?

00:05:41.880 Are you in...

00:05:42.460 Are you on a ship in the Potomac?

00:05:44.500 I'm solving murder mysteries week to week.

00:05:46.580 And if I think of...

00:05:47.740 The blood was on his shoe.

00:05:48.940 And then I'll write it down.

00:05:50.000 No.

00:05:50.280 If I get a thought that I can't...

00:05:51.740 I need...

00:05:52.700 Yeah.

00:05:52.880 You got to write it down.

00:05:53.480 Don't you put it in your phone?

00:05:54.360 Don't you put stuff in your phone like that?

00:05:55.760 Yeah.

00:05:56.000 Let me...

00:05:56.320 I'll read a couple.

00:05:57.100 Yeah.

00:05:57.320 Read something that you throw down in your phone recently.

00:05:59.520 Let me see.

00:06:00.220 What a comics condition, by the way. 0.89

00:06:01.680 A lot of mine's about gays.

00:06:02.680 And a lot of mine's racial stuff, too.

00:06:04.160 Oh, same.

00:06:04.940 Oh, blind puzzle making.

00:06:06.380 I thought it would be good if they had a game show where it was blind people making puzzles,

00:06:09.780 you know?

00:06:10.100 Oh, I love that.

00:06:11.880 This says, why do adults like to get spanked? 1.00

00:06:14.560 Why do adults like to get spanked during sex? 1.00

00:06:17.480 It's gross. 0.97

00:06:18.620 It's indicative of childhood trauma.

00:06:21.200 It's very strange to like...

00:06:22.540 It's like knock it out.

00:06:23.240 Knock that trauma.

00:06:24.160 Yeah. 0.52

00:06:24.620 You want to spank the trauma right out of me. 1.00

00:06:26.300 Yeah.

00:06:27.060 That's where the term daddy bothers me. 0.99

00:06:28.960 When I have a son, I'll hit him in the face if he calls me daddy. 0.98

00:06:32.080 Yeah. 0.99

00:06:32.500 I'm papa or pop or dad.

00:06:34.960 Yeah. 0.98

00:06:35.260 Daddy is gross. 0.99

00:06:36.120 Daddy. 0.99

00:06:36.840 Yuck.

00:06:37.580 Oh, yeah.

00:06:37.980 Daddy's too much. 0.90

00:06:38.760 It's gross. 0.97

00:06:39.300 Father. 0.56

00:06:40.100 Father.

00:06:40.580 Father's nice.

00:06:41.340 Yes, father.

00:06:42.140 Yes, boy.

00:06:42.780 Yes.

00:06:43.140 Go fetch a pail.

00:06:44.020 Go fetch a pail, boy.

00:06:45.040 Dude, I get a DM from this company that I've never answered.

00:06:51.120 But for the past seven months, they've hit me up and they say, who's your jeweler?

00:06:56.820 Who do you use as a jeweler? 0.74

00:06:58.080 They're a jewelry company.

00:06:59.820 I don't ever wear jewelry.

00:07:01.260 I don't even wear a wedding ring.

00:07:02.880 I don't like jewelry.

00:07:03.960 I don't like stuff.

00:07:05.320 And they hit me up every other week.

00:07:06.840 They erase their DM and they send it again.

00:07:09.060 Who's your jeweler?

00:07:10.420 I think I might need to go get some jewelry.

00:07:11.940 You think?

00:07:12.440 I'm trying to think.

00:07:13.020 It's in a chain.

00:07:13.480 Oh, I could see you in a chain.

00:07:14.880 I could see you in a wrist chain.

00:07:18.020 A tennis bracelet.

00:07:19.340 Oh.

00:07:20.120 But I want it on my ankle, like a girl. 1.00

00:07:21.880 I want it like a girl in spring break.

00:07:24.100 Dude, I want one above each knee.

00:07:28.600 Yeah, I want it.

00:07:30.040 Most savage. 0.77

00:07:31.260 Yeah, right above your knee wrapped around.

00:07:33.140 That's dope. 0.93

00:07:34.140 Wouldn't that be funny if you had $20,000 on each leg?

00:07:36.320 Oh, yeah.

00:07:36.720 I would love that.

00:07:37.800 My knees are blinged out.

00:07:39.060 Dude, that's so wild, man, to think that.

00:07:41.080 But I wonder what jewelry is going to be like in the future.

00:07:44.080 Like if people are going to start to get more stuff installed into their bodies.

00:07:48.740 Yeah, bro.

00:07:49.040 Have you seen in their teeth?

00:07:50.300 Will it all be virtual?

00:07:51.220 I mean, I've seen those Johnny Dang.

00:07:52.560 Have you seen that guy?

00:07:53.380 No, no, no.

00:07:53.720 I mean in their teeth.

00:07:54.840 People put diamonds in their tooth.

00:07:56.600 Oh, yeah, Simon Rex has one.

00:07:57.760 That's wild.

00:07:58.640 They physically put it into your tooth now.

00:08:01.180 They used to put it on your tooth.

00:08:02.920 Now they can drill a hole and put a diamond in your tooth.

00:08:05.460 Get in there.

00:08:06.280 There's Johnny Dang right there.

00:08:07.660 Yeah.

00:08:08.520 Bye, bye, Johnny Dang.

00:08:09.740 Every rapper sings about Johnny Dang.

00:08:11.500 Yep.

00:08:12.120 And he's that Vietnamese gateway to the... 0.96

00:08:14.820 Gateway to the ice game.

00:08:16.300 Yeah.

00:08:16.860 He's like, what?

00:08:17.460 You need more ice on you?

00:08:18.480 You don't have enough.

00:08:20.340 Look at how much ice he's holding there.

00:08:21.820 Oh, he's iced out.

00:08:22.560 Yeah.

00:08:23.240 These are all diamond, everything for you.

00:08:24.880 He's so tiny, too.

00:08:26.120 Oh, yeah.

00:08:26.640 Look at him.

00:08:27.120 And you know they grow him for the show when they do recordings?

00:08:30.380 Oh, he's a little boba drink.

00:08:31.500 Yeah, they stretch him out. 1.00

00:08:33.600 You could sip right out of his little ass. 1.00

00:08:35.460 Look at him with that girl in that Vice article up there. 1.00

00:08:37.380 He could fit inside of her tits. 1.00

00:08:40.440 He's a nice little sliver of a man. 1.00

00:08:42.280 Oh, beautiful.

00:08:42.980 Look at the look in his eyes, too.

00:08:44.100 The excitement.

00:08:44.760 He's so happy about life.

00:08:46.040 Yeah, he feels good about life.

00:08:47.340 Yeah.

00:08:49.140 These guys have beautiful stories.

00:08:50.640 I'm always impressed by this kind of stuff.

00:08:52.640 Oh, yeah.

00:08:53.000 They make it from zero, you know?

00:08:54.780 Like, builds his own empire.

00:08:55.880 We're talking zero.

00:08:57.140 Like, dude, I remember when I went on semester at sea, so it was like a school, you know?

00:09:01.280 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:09:01.540 Like a campus on a cruise ship, kind of?

00:09:03.420 Yeah, yeah.

00:09:04.020 So I remember we were coming into port in the morning.

00:09:06.400 We would get into, like, the different port cities, because you kind of go to different

00:09:09.140 cities around the globe, right?

00:09:10.960 So we'd get into port cities.

00:09:12.180 I remember being up in the morning was the biggest thing.

00:09:14.700 If you could be up at, like, 5 a.m. as you come into the port of a new country you've

00:09:18.480 never been to, right?

00:09:19.260 Pretty crazy.

00:09:19.820 Yeah, that's wild.

00:09:20.720 And I remember getting into Vietnam and, like, passing fishing boats, like, in a—I mean,

00:09:26.860 we were in, like, a cruise ship, you know?

00:09:29.020 And passing fishing boats, like, little guy, hat, you know, like, mouthful of melon.

00:09:36.140 Like, he would fill his mouth with melon in the morning and then just only swallow a little

00:09:39.280 bit throughout the day.

00:09:40.100 Like, that was his lunch.

00:09:41.160 Yeah.

00:09:41.560 Kind of like one of those little drip bottles for a hamster, but built into him.

00:09:44.620 And then—and he would just be out there just fishing, man.

00:09:48.600 And a cruise ship—it was almost like just two time zones passing each other, like—

00:09:54.020 Oh, yeah.

00:09:54.560 Just—and it would just be so bizarre, like, the wake of this cruise ship just going and—

00:09:58.940 Rocking his boat.

00:09:59.460 Yeah, lifting these little bitty skiffs that they were out there. 0.99

00:10:02.420 And that's his entire living.

00:10:03.740 Yeah.

00:10:04.220 He's sitting out there doing fishing in the morning.

00:10:05.540 And you guys, meanwhile, are showing up just to party.

00:10:08.820 Been, yeah, up all night.

00:10:10.240 Just partying all night.

00:10:11.040 Doing bootleg cocaine that we bought in some country that we made.

00:10:14.260 How bad is bootleg cocaine?

00:10:15.660 Oh, some guy was making cocaine, I remember.

00:10:19.620 Was it good?

00:10:21.080 Here's what I would say.

00:10:22.460 It didn't damage you.

00:10:24.100 Yeah, it wasn't going to hurt you.

00:10:25.120 Yeah, so you could do as much as you wanted.

00:10:26.840 You weren't going to get high, but you weren't going to—you weren't going to get hurt.

00:10:30.300 Your heart wasn't going to stop.

00:10:31.700 Yeah.

00:10:32.120 See, that's the opposite with, like, bad weed.

00:10:34.380 Bad weed makes you feel sick, right?

00:10:36.900 And you're—you're going to get a headache, and your stomach kind of turns, and you feel gross.

00:10:41.180 It's—like, bad weed is bad.

00:10:42.440 Bad coke is just not real.

00:10:44.600 Yeah.

00:10:44.960 It's just bummer coke.

00:10:45.260 Yeah, that's what it was, just not real coke.

00:10:46.680 But somebody made it, man.

00:10:47.740 This guy had this whole little deal going on, and he was making it, man.

00:10:52.780 So that was cool just to get some.

00:10:54.400 It was—even if it didn't work, just getting some.

00:10:55.960 Right, just knowing you got it.

00:10:56.740 Isn't that half of the hunt?

00:10:57.700 Half of the fun was getting drugs, and then when you get drugs, you do them, and you're

00:11:01.720 like, this is great, but getting the drugs was really fun.

00:11:04.180 Getting was the best.

00:11:04.560 Yeah, because the people you would get in trouble with—dude, I've told this story

00:11:07.500 before, but I used to do drugs with this guy whose parents were both deaf.

00:11:10.300 Oh, wow. 0.99

00:11:10.940 Yeah, and his dad would come in the room sometimes, and we'd be high as shit. 0.99

00:11:14.040 David was his name or not? 0.98

00:11:15.240 Danny.

00:11:16.320 What was his real—what was his name?

00:11:17.680 His name was—I don't remember.

00:11:20.280 I'm being serious.

00:11:20.800 We had a deaf fellow named David.

00:11:22.300 Oh, you—oh, it wasn't his parents.

00:11:24.460 I don't even know this kid—I don't remember his name.

00:11:26.400 I just remember he had deaf parents, and I really—

00:11:28.640 Well, deaf runs in the— 0.98

00:11:30.200 Is that him?

00:11:30.720 Is that deaf David?

00:11:31.360 Oh, I don't know.

00:11:32.080 This guy doesn't have an earpiece, Sam.

00:11:33.140 Let's hear what he had to say.

00:11:35.420 Deaf runs in the—

00:11:36.560 In the David family? 1.00

00:11:38.380 Yo, Cheeto, fucking—I've got a question for you. 1.00

00:11:43.020 What drug wouldn't you take? 1.00

00:11:44.980 I think mine is probably fucking heroin, because, you know, no fucking needles. 1.00

00:11:49.220 What's up? 0.99

00:11:50.060 So, what do you think, gang?

00:11:52.600 Dude, a big guy like that could handle a little bit of hair.

00:11:55.040 He could handle some wind.

00:11:56.140 Yeah, for sure.

00:11:56.600 He could handle a frickin', you know, a little vein.

00:11:58.800 He could get the size of those baseball mitt hands, he's— 0.99

00:12:00.560 No, you could shoot right into that middle finger, dog. 0.93

00:12:03.380 You know what I'm saying? 0.98

00:12:04.120 He said, what drug wouldn't I take?

00:12:05.780 Yeah.

00:12:06.300 I mean, he did say—but that's the thing about the mistake of heroin.

00:12:09.480 He thinks you just have to shoot it.

00:12:10.440 You don't have to just shoot it. 1.00

00:12:11.720 You could snort it. 0.76

00:12:12.440 You could smoke it.

00:12:13.440 So, like, needles scare him?

00:12:14.700 You could snort and smoke heroin.

00:12:16.220 That's not—I don't think I would want to do heroin, but I think the drug I really wouldn't take—

00:12:20.560 I don't think I will—I don't think I'll ever do ayahuasca.

00:12:23.840 Really?

00:12:24.140 I don't really want it.

00:12:26.180 I don't know.

00:12:26.940 And if people are having a religious experience on it, I don't know if I really—I've done

00:12:30.720 DMT once, and that was fun, but I don't know.

00:12:34.740 I don't really want to do drugs anymore.

00:12:36.720 I barely smoke pot anymore. 0.99

00:12:38.720 Damn. 0.99

00:12:39.100 I just like drinking. 1.00

00:12:40.560 You sound like a damn grandparent. 1.00

00:12:42.120 You don't want to do drugs anymore? 1.00

00:12:43.200 I don't want to do drugs anymore, man.

00:12:44.800 I think I did drugs that I need to do.

00:12:46.740 I think I've done enough drugs that I needed to do.

00:12:48.700 But what about—I could see you—

00:12:50.480 I did mushrooms this weekend.

00:12:51.700 I did mushrooms this weekend.

00:12:52.720 Okay, now we're getting somewhere.

00:12:54.060 But they're chocolate mushrooms, and you take a little bit—

00:12:56.440 Did you feel anything or not?

00:12:57.680 Yeah, you feel a little fun.

00:12:59.020 It's a little fun.

00:12:59.660 Who'd you take them with?

00:13:00.240 The missus?

00:13:00.800 Some buds.

00:13:01.480 Some people came over.

00:13:01.900 Okay, some fellows.

00:13:02.380 I had people—it was two of my friend's birthdays, and we threw a little, like, happy birthday,

00:13:06.720 and then we projected a movie on the garage wall outside.

00:13:09.380 I got a projector.

00:13:10.080 Oh, yeah.

00:13:10.520 And we watched The Sandlot.

00:13:11.780 Probably one of the best movies of all time.

00:13:13.440 Does the wife drug or not? 1.00

00:13:15.160 No, no drugs.

00:13:16.260 No drugs.

00:13:16.880 Just drinking.

00:13:18.100 She doesn't—she never did drugs.

00:13:19.320 Never tried—never really got into them.

00:13:20.880 Wow.

00:13:21.880 She's not opposed to them.

00:13:23.280 But I've also just grown weary of doing drugs.

00:13:25.560 I don't want to do—I did drugs when I was young as much as I could, and then now I'm like—

00:13:29.400 What is it?

00:13:30.100 Do you feel like the body can't handle it?

00:13:31.880 Do you feel like it's not—

00:13:33.160 That's the first step.

00:13:34.780 Is it?

00:13:35.280 Yeah, I just—I can't—my—your body is—you ruin two days now.

00:13:39.260 Yeah.

00:13:39.540 I used to be able to do drugs and function or—

00:13:41.220 Go to work.

00:13:41.860 Yeah.

00:13:42.240 I used to do drugs at work.

00:13:43.580 Yeah.

00:13:43.800 Yeah.

00:13:43.940 Yeah, think about that.

00:13:45.060 Half the people that are at work—

00:13:47.060 All right.

00:13:47.860 —are on drugs, dude.

00:13:50.080 Yeah, yeah.

00:13:50.300 All the chefs at a kitchen, bro.

00:13:52.040 Yeah.

00:13:52.480 If your order comes out quick, that's drugs.

00:13:54.440 That's drugs. 0.78

00:13:55.200 Yeah.

00:13:55.460 People are like, oh, man, this restaurant's great, dude.

00:13:58.320 No.

00:13:58.340 He's just—he's amped the fuck up. 0.89

00:13:59.680 That's drugs, bro. 0.92

00:14:00.380 He's on meth.

00:14:01.460 Eggs, hash browns, eggs, eggs.

00:14:02.780 He knows how to throw it out.

00:14:03.480 Yeah, dude.

00:14:04.240 I was—I just—I just never—I just got to a point, I think, where I did a lot of

00:14:09.160 drugs when I was young.

00:14:10.460 Oh, yeah.

00:14:10.840 And then now all I like to do was smoke some weed and drink, but even weed has taken a

00:14:15.380 backseat in my life.

00:14:16.260 I don't know why.

00:14:16.920 I just—I just don't—

00:14:18.160 And do you ever remember—I remember getting so high at this girl's house one time when 0.98

00:14:21.980 I was young that I couldn't even—I remember telling some girl, like, I remember being

00:14:28.440 stuck in this bedroom, like, laying on my back on this bed or couch, and I was so high.

00:14:33.780 Like, everybody else had gotten high and gone and do something fun.

00:14:36.420 Right.

00:14:36.740 Right?

00:14:37.260 And I was like, all right, I'm coming, and as I'm getting up to leave out of the door,

00:14:41.460 I can't—I couldn't get out of my body.

00:14:43.480 I couldn't—my body was stuck there.

00:14:45.680 I've been there.

00:14:46.260 Yeah.

00:14:46.560 And so I'm, like, laying there, and some girl came back in the room to get something,

00:14:50.360 right?

00:14:50.700 Uh-huh.

00:14:50.920 And I remember just being like, hey, hey, hey, you know, get me, you know?

00:14:55.400 Get me.

00:14:56.560 And I remember this girl looking at me, and I think she thought I was trying to hit on her

00:15:00.760 or something.

00:15:01.060 I might have been, you know, because even—

00:15:02.540 Half and half.

00:15:03.100 Yeah. 1.00

00:15:03.260 Because I'll try to fuck, even though I'm down for the count, you know? 1.00

00:15:07.060 I can't move, but I'll fuck. 1.00

00:15:08.240 Yeah, halfway through a 10 count, I'll still get my dick up, you know? 1.00

00:15:11.220 Even at six, I'll fuck and say, hey, come fuck, you know? 1.00

00:15:14.380 But I remember this girl just looking at me, and I remember speaking, but I couldn't—it 1.00

00:15:20.480 was the only skill I had left was to speak.

00:15:23.720 To get it out.

00:15:24.360 Yeah, like, get me, get me.

00:15:26.300 Get me, you know?

00:15:26.920 And they left, man.

00:15:28.260 And I just remember being trapped there, literally felt like I was loitering in my own body that

00:15:33.080 wouldn't move.

00:15:33.960 Yeah.

00:15:34.320 Like, just wandering around the hallways of my body.

00:15:36.460 You were trespassing in your own body.

00:15:37.660 Trespassing.

00:15:38.040 Yeah, trespassing.

00:15:38.760 You wanted to call the cops on yourself.

00:15:39.980 Oh, dude. 0.81

00:15:40.440 Get out of my body! 0.91

00:15:41.560 Yeah.

00:15:41.760 I had—I got so high one time at a college party, and I went in this girl's room to

00:15:48.300 just get away from people, because I was getting—I was like, my heart was jumping, I was feeling

00:15:51.540 really fucked up, and I was like having a panic attack that I'm like, I'm too drunk, 0.98

00:15:54.960 I'm too fucking high, I'm on a few things, I'm feeling real fucked up. 1.00

00:15:58.340 So I go, I go, oh, dude, I hate it. 0.99

00:16:00.520 I go and sit down in her bed, and I curled up, and I woke up to her and her roommate screaming 1.00

00:16:05.640 at me. 1.00

00:16:06.260 Like, get the fuck out! 1.00

00:16:07.560 Get the fuck out, you fucking piece of shit! 1.00

00:16:09.360 I was like, I'm not doing anything! 1.00

00:16:10.840 I'm just too high!

00:16:11.820 I had like dried tears at this point, because I cried, prayed to God ten times, don't let 1.00

00:16:16.100 me die like this in this fucking—in this girl's one bedroom, one bath. 1.00

00:16:19.480 I just don't want to die in a small place. 1.00

00:16:21.760 I want to die in a big house.

00:16:23.380 It doesn't have to be mine.

00:16:24.260 Yes.

00:16:24.720 But if I'm going to die of drugs, I want to die in a big house.

00:16:26.940 Oh, wow.

00:16:27.500 You know?

00:16:28.080 Dying in a small place is sad.

00:16:29.580 Yeah.

00:16:30.440 You're right there.

00:16:31.400 They find you right away, they walk in, they know you're right there.

00:16:34.200 There's no—

00:16:34.900 There's no investigation.

00:16:35.880 There's no mystery, there's no allure.

00:16:37.420 Right.

00:16:37.620 There's no hearing their heels walk on the nice floors as they look for you?

00:16:42.380 Yeah, no.

00:16:42.860 Yeah.

00:16:43.020 Where could he be?

00:16:43.620 Is he in here?

00:16:44.280 Nope.

00:16:45.020 Nope.

00:16:45.480 Nope.

00:16:45.820 Not in there.

00:16:47.240 Upstairs?

00:16:47.760 Yeah.

00:16:47.960 And he's not up here.

00:16:50.720 Yeah, no, I didn't want to die like that.

00:16:54.540 I did—that's what college was—

00:16:55.740 College was bad for me like that.

00:16:57.440 I got myself in bad situations in college with drugs.

00:16:59.600 That's probably why I don't want to do them anymore.

00:17:01.520 Just nights of like—I remember sitting watching my buddy—

00:17:04.220 And were you doing cocaine or drugs?

00:17:05.800 Just every—I did anything that came my way. 0.99

00:17:07.840 I would take all sorts of fun shit. 0.99

00:17:09.560 As long as other people were doing it, I'll take it. 1.00

00:17:11.680 I'd throw a pill in my throat.

00:17:12.840 I didn't really—I was like, okay, if other people were doing it, I was down to have fun with—

00:17:17.560 If we were all doing it.

00:17:19.400 But I remember one night my buddy was playing—he played an acoustic guitar.

00:17:24.120 And he was so high on cocaine that he was playing so much.

00:17:28.500 And, you know, he's doing that, like, Coke mouth.

00:17:30.660 And he doesn't even realize he's cutting his finger.

00:17:32.700 His cuticles are bleeding because he's playing so hard.

00:17:34.880 But I didn't want to stop him because the song was so good.

00:17:37.480 I just let him ride it out.

00:17:38.720 You know what I mean?

00:17:39.140 Like a Bible, like a musical Bible.

00:17:40.300 Yeah.

00:17:41.040 You're only going to get Dave Matthews crash into me so many times live. 1.00

00:17:44.220 So I was like, let that motherfucker play. 1.00

00:17:45.920 Yeah, I've seen some people do some nasty shit on drugs. 1.00

00:17:49.160 Have you? 0.99

00:17:49.380 It turns you off as you get older. 0.99

00:17:50.860 Yeah, the older you get and you see people get real fucked up. 0.98

00:17:53.040 Now, that's a good point. 0.99

00:17:53.180 You go, ugh, that's not cool anymore.

00:17:54.940 It looks sad now.

00:17:56.120 Yeah, what is it?

00:17:57.060 There's something about it that gets—

00:18:00.560 Well, when you're younger, it's more like you have time to kill for sure.

00:18:05.800 Totally.

00:18:06.220 So it's like, oh, if I burn two days doing this or—

00:18:08.780 Whatever.

00:18:09.240 Yeah.

00:18:09.560 And your body can recover quicker.

00:18:11.260 Yeah.

00:18:11.520 And your responsibilities are less.

00:18:14.220 You have nobody to answer to.

00:18:15.760 Right.

00:18:16.060 Like, oh, if I just lay in my bed for a day and a half, it's going to be chill.

00:18:19.520 Right.

00:18:19.880 It'll be great, actually.

00:18:21.400 Yeah.

00:18:21.940 Also, I think when you're young, you want to test your limits of your body because your—

00:18:27.080 Kids think they're invincible because you kind of are.

00:18:29.380 Right.

00:18:29.660 Like, you kind of are.

00:18:30.500 You can get into a car accident and the next day as a young—as a 20-year-old, I could

00:18:37.620 feel fine.

00:18:38.460 Yeah.

00:18:38.520 I'd be like, man, yeah, we got hit yesterday.

00:18:39.700 That kind of stung my back.

00:18:40.900 I got hit a year ago. 0.97

00:18:42.720 It fucked me up for like six months. 0.88

00:18:44.340 Yeah. 0.92

00:18:44.680 You know?

00:18:44.920 And it wasn't even that bad of an accident.

00:18:46.240 It's just you test limits of your body when you're young because you're flawless.

00:18:49.420 You're a machine.

00:18:51.200 You know what I mean?

00:18:51.600 You can do—you can go play sports.

00:18:53.480 You can go work out.

00:18:54.160 You can go get wasted.

00:18:54.960 Then that afternoon, go to a party, stay up till 5 a.m., get on a flight the next day, go with

00:18:58.720 friends somewhere.

00:18:59.220 Your body doesn't really react.

00:19:00.920 Then you get older and your body slowly just goes, nuh-uh, nuh-uh, dude.

00:19:07.500 We're not going to—no.

00:19:08.700 Your muscles start to get tighter.

00:19:10.280 You need to stretch more.

00:19:11.220 It's like—and then young people are always like, oh, whatever. 1.00

00:19:14.660 But then it happens and you're like, oh, shit. 0.97

00:19:17.200 It starts to feel—you start to feel like it's—you can't do as much as you used to. 0.99

00:19:23.060 You know what it feels like when a dad is playing sports with you, shooting hoops.

00:19:28.840 And he's like, oh, my back.

00:19:30.580 And you're like, what?

00:19:31.560 We just shot.

00:19:32.240 We're just shooting around. 1.00

00:19:33.460 Now sometimes when I'm doing something, I'll go, fuck my back. 1.00

00:19:36.620 Yeah. 1.00

00:19:37.000 And I know what dad was talking about.

00:19:38.580 It's weird, man.

00:19:40.340 And you start to—like, you start to, like, whatever you're doing, you start to—as

00:19:45.120 you're doing it, you know the repercussions.

00:19:47.700 Yeah.

00:19:48.020 So you limit what you're doing as you do it.

00:19:50.420 So you're like, okay, I'm playing defense this time.

00:19:52.920 I'm not playing defense next time down the court because I don't have—you know, I can

00:19:57.040 be—in three days I have to do something.

00:19:59.660 Right.

00:19:59.980 Yeah.

00:20:00.420 Right.

00:20:00.580 Now, if I only had to do something in four—if I had to do something in four days, then

00:20:03.900 I'd play defense the whole game.

00:20:05.160 Right.

00:20:05.480 Right.

00:20:05.620 But I got to do something in three days, so I'm going to have to kind of monitor.

00:20:08.260 It's going to be half and half.

00:20:09.100 You go in, I'll go in.

00:20:10.680 Yeah.

00:20:10.920 Yeah, you do—you, like, start to compromise with yourself on what you're willing to sacrifice.

00:20:14.060 But it does get that—I mean, dude, even traveling—

00:20:15.640 Yeah, like, let's play hoops.

00:20:16.380 Oh, let's go to—let's go to Dave and Buster's.

00:20:18.220 Yeah.

00:20:18.620 You know?

00:20:19.140 We'll go to Buffalo Wild Wings.

00:20:20.260 Yeah, yeah.

00:20:20.700 We'll watch hoops.

00:20:21.460 Yeah, let's watch hoops.

00:20:22.340 You know, when you travel for stand-up, don't you feel the same way that there's days when

00:20:25.200 you travel that you can handle the plane schedule if you're jumping around, like, show to show

00:20:29.360 to show?

00:20:30.160 And then there's some times when city to city to city, it just hits me way harder.

00:20:33.880 I don't know why.

00:20:34.720 There's some days when I'm, like, more exhausted from the night after night after night, even

00:20:38.660 if I haven't changed the schedule.

00:20:39.980 Yeah.

00:20:40.420 You know?

00:20:40.720 Even if my diet's the same or I'm not drinking as much.

00:20:44.200 Oh, yeah.

00:20:44.880 It'll still mess me up.

00:20:45.960 Sometimes I'll wake up in a city and just go, God, I'm, like, tired and in pain.

00:20:49.980 And I think when I first started going on the road, dude, when I was 22.

00:20:53.080 Invincible.

00:20:53.640 Please.

00:20:54.240 Please.

00:20:54.640 I drove to Montana and back in a day. 0.98

00:20:57.520 I didn't give a shit. 0.99

00:20:58.180 Yeah, remember that? 0.98

00:20:59.000 Yeah, dude.

00:20:59.660 Oh, it's a 40-hour drive?

00:21:01.220 And here with the...

00:21:01.840 I drove back, did the stand-up, got back in my car and drove right back.

00:21:05.480 Of course, it was, like, two or three days in my mind.

00:21:07.260 It was, like, just did it in a day.

00:21:08.280 Yeah.

00:21:08.700 Yeah, because it didn't matter.

00:21:09.660 I didn't need to go to bed.

00:21:10.440 I didn't need to eat.

00:21:11.340 Just to tell other comedians of, too, yeah, you know, I featured out there in Helena. 0.99

00:21:15.500 They're like, damn, really? 0.97

00:21:16.720 Yeah. 1.00

00:21:16.900 You're like, yep.

00:21:19.980 Last night, yeah.

00:21:21.160 He's like, well, you're back today?

00:21:22.900 Drove to the night.

00:21:23.620 Yeah.

00:21:23.720 Couldn't stop, dude.

00:21:24.420 No money for a hotel.

00:21:25.280 Had to keep going.

00:21:25.900 Yeah.

00:21:25.980 Caught a good downhill.

00:21:26.960 Closed my eyes for a minute.

00:21:28.040 Threw it in neutral.

00:21:28.880 Yeah, yeah. 0.99

00:21:29.400 Kicked my feet up and just fucking let it ride. 0.98

00:21:31.060 4,000 miles later. 0.99

00:21:33.280 Bro, you would drive, bro.

00:21:35.040 I remember times thinking, okay, instead of catching a flight for $217, I'm going to rent

00:21:43.320 this car for $19.

00:21:45.280 Right.

00:21:45.440 And then I'm going to drive it seven hours overnight to get to a cheaper airport where

00:21:52.460 the flight will only be like $140.

00:21:54.680 That's right.

00:21:55.260 Because we need to save that.

00:21:56.620 Just the couple of bucks back then meant everything.

00:21:58.860 Yeah.

00:21:58.920 You needed to save it because otherwise-

00:22:00.900 Your time had no value.

00:22:01.820 No, none.

00:22:02.440 Zero.

00:22:02.720 Because time didn't exist back then.

00:22:04.160 It was like, what?

00:22:04.520 I didn't need to be back for anything.

00:22:05.960 Yeah.

00:22:06.180 It was like, if I can waste an extra day getting what I need done to get to where I need to

00:22:11.020 go, what's the difference?

00:22:12.340 I saved the money.

00:22:13.500 You know, I didn't lose any money, especially because you're nickel and dime on your way

00:22:16.260 through anything.

00:22:16.760 You're not eating at nice places.

00:22:18.980 You're just going by whatever you need, right?

00:22:21.580 Yeah.

00:22:21.720 Gas station food.

00:22:22.420 I survived on gas station food for years.

00:22:24.720 Oh.

00:22:25.220 Like, I just, beef jerky and protein bars and stuff like Gatorades.

00:22:30.300 That's what I would just eat from full meals.

00:22:32.380 I didn't have a dinner until I was like 30.

00:22:34.400 Yeah.

00:22:34.660 Like, I didn't have like a real sit-down dinner until I was like late in my 20s.

00:22:39.080 And then I started to eat, you know?

00:22:40.480 Yeah.

00:22:40.900 But before that, you just, you know, you just, you lived, you lived as cheaply and efficiently

00:22:44.960 as you could.

00:22:46.200 But now, you know, now you can eat a good meal once in a while.

00:22:49.160 Yeah.

00:22:49.940 When you want.

00:22:50.480 I mean, I know you, you're out every night.

00:22:52.160 You're out every night.

00:22:52.760 Nobu Malibu eating sushi.

00:22:54.200 You got your own table.

00:22:55.300 I know.

00:22:56.140 They fish live for you.

00:22:57.180 Don't lie.

00:22:57.940 I know the Theo table.

00:22:59.120 I've seen it.

00:22:59.800 Straight to the table.

00:23:00.260 I like the hook to be in there.

00:23:01.400 Whoever gets the hook and their cut of fish has to buy the next meal.

00:23:04.120 Yeah, exactly.

00:23:04.860 That's my thing.

00:23:06.900 Fish out there, hook in.

00:23:08.580 Then you buy.

00:23:09.320 Do you ever do credit card roulette?

00:23:10.580 Have you ever done that with friends?

00:23:12.060 Now I'm kind of willing to do it.

00:23:13.920 But for years, I would see it go down.

00:23:16.260 I'm like, I can't, I can't get in this.

00:23:18.040 I hated it.

00:23:18.620 I used to have friends that did it all the time.

00:23:20.640 And it drove me nuts.

00:23:21.340 Did you have rich friends?

00:23:22.420 Yeah.

00:23:22.740 I had a lot of rich friends.

00:23:23.760 Wow.

00:23:24.080 I went to school with a lot of rich kids when I was in college.

00:23:26.480 Yeah.

00:23:27.180 A lot of kids.

00:23:27.760 Where'd you go to Drake?

00:23:28.480 Where'd you go to school at?

00:23:29.080 I went to Harvard of the West.

00:23:31.300 Did you really?

00:23:31.980 I went to Arizona State University.

00:23:33.720 Oh, that's right.

00:23:34.880 A very high acclaimed university.

00:23:37.100 Yeah.

00:23:37.520 Because I went to University of Arizona for one semester.

00:23:40.240 Tuckson, yeah. 0.99

00:23:41.820 It's a real shithole. 1.00

00:23:42.980 Oh. 1.00

00:23:43.320 Go ahead and say it.

00:23:44.180 It is the, it's like, what's the cousin who has the, in Christmas Vacation who has the-

00:23:50.660 Eddie.

00:23:51.040 Yeah.

00:23:51.260 Yeah.

00:23:51.500 That's Eddie, that's Eddie's campus.

00:23:52.980 Yeah.

00:23:53.560 Hey, Clark.

00:23:54.840 Yeah. 1.00

00:23:55.140 Shit or it's full? 1.00

00:23:56.000 Yeah. 1.00

00:23:56.140 That's exactly right.

00:23:56.900 That's, that's, that's, that's what it is down there.

00:23:58.940 ASU was great.

00:24:00.000 But yeah, I went to school with guys that had money because they came from California.

00:24:02.780 Yeah.

00:24:03.180 A lot of guys that can't get into Ivy Leagues and want to move away from where they are,

00:24:07.040 their parents will send them to ASU.

00:24:08.260 Well, because California has so many good schools.

00:24:09.800 And if they don't want to go to a local school that isn't that good of a school, then they

00:24:13.660 just go to Arizona.

00:24:14.760 Yeah.

00:24:14.940 Just because it's a nice getaway, but it's close enough, you know?

00:24:18.000 A lot of pool parties, a lot of cocaine.

00:24:19.260 A lot of pool parties, a lot of cocaine, a lot of, a lot of, a lot of girls that are 1.00

00:24:23.980 tens hooking up with sub sevens, you know, like I'm a six and a half and I could get eights

00:24:29.380 and nines out there.

00:24:30.400 Yeah.

00:24:30.540 It's great.

00:24:31.140 You were over there eating cheek.

00:24:32.300 Yeah.

00:24:32.420 I was having nice, dude.

00:24:33.380 I was eating, I was eating, I was steak and lobster every night.

00:24:36.220 Meanwhile, I'm Denny's, you know what I mean?

00:24:37.940 Yeah.

00:24:38.440 Definitely.

00:24:39.060 But, but, but. 0.99

00:24:39.380 They're like, damn, who installed a Denny's in this freaking Morton's? 0.99

00:24:42.940 Is that a Norm's? 0.99

00:24:43.700 What is that?

00:24:44.780 Yeah.

00:24:44.920 But I, but that's, that's the funny thing is like, there's so many, uh, hot guys and

00:24:49.140 hot girls that at some point you're going to get some, you're going to get something 1.00

00:24:52.720 run off.

00:24:53.440 Oh, sometimes when the hot truck of girls goes by and hits a speed bump, one of them 1.00

00:24:56.420 bounces off.

00:24:57.260 Ah, where am I?

00:24:58.440 You're here.

00:24:59.860 No, you have, at some point it's like you, so many people were so hot that even like

00:25:04.080 a, a, a girl that was a nine or a, it was so beautiful.

00:25:07.740 Oh yeah.

00:25:08.300 The guys were already with the other hot girls.

00:25:10.480 So she's like, you'll be fine.

00:25:11.800 Like a nine would have to get like her pupils dilated for some condition she had. 1.00

00:25:15.540 And then you would end up dating her for a while.

00:25:17.300 It'd be me.

00:25:17.600 Yeah.

00:25:17.980 And then three months later when her eyes went back to normal, she's like, Oh my God.

00:25:20.860 Yeah.

00:25:21.420 I thought your hair was regular.

00:25:22.780 Yeah.

00:25:23.320 They never knew.

00:25:23.960 Like, I thought you were different.

00:25:25.200 Yeah.

00:25:25.660 Me too.

00:25:26.040 You were different.

00:25:26.960 Me too.

00:25:27.440 I thought you were more symmetrical.

00:25:28.420 I didn't know your face was that lopsided.

00:25:30.380 You had to try, like, she'd be like, Oh, why is your bedroom a wedding chapel?

00:25:34.240 It'd be like, look, I got to, I have to make ends meet.

00:25:36.840 I got to do what I got to do.

00:25:37.880 I have a marriage in 10 minutes.

00:25:39.280 So you got to get out.

00:25:40.320 I need a woman in my life. 1.00

00:25:41.740 I got to do what I got to do.

00:25:42.860 What was your first, what was your first job out of school?

00:25:45.540 Out of college.

00:25:47.980 Yeah.

00:25:48.240 What was your first job?

00:25:49.120 Do you remember it?

00:25:49.940 I was in college for about nine years.

00:25:51.220 I still, it took me a long time to get you and Bert.

00:25:53.420 Bert did that.

00:25:54.260 Yeah.

00:25:54.600 Bert did that.

00:25:55.220 I'm trying to think when I got out.

00:25:56.560 Did you work, you worked your way through college though, didn't you?

00:25:59.100 Yeah.

00:25:59.360 I don't know what I was doing.

00:26:00.540 I was still doing, you know, I still, that's, I was doing MTV when I first started that.

00:26:04.440 So that took up a good bit of my time.

00:26:05.940 That's true.

00:26:06.100 You were still doing TV, huh?

00:26:07.280 Yeah.

00:26:07.480 So that stuff was like, sometimes it would take you out of school and then I would change

00:26:11.300 my pay.

00:26:11.920 I would be like, all right, I'm going to move here.

00:26:14.160 I'm going to go live here.

00:26:15.260 Yeah.

00:26:15.520 Do you talk to any of those people from MTV?

00:26:17.140 No.

00:26:17.560 No.

00:26:18.360 None of them.

00:26:18.980 It literally feels like I didn't.

00:26:20.840 It's a different life.

00:26:21.740 Yeah.

00:26:22.260 Because when I met you, I didn't know about any of that stuff.

00:26:25.640 Well, it was before that.

00:26:26.540 Well, but, but even still, I, even after people referenced it, never knew it.

00:26:30.380 Yeah.

00:26:30.660 Like, I guess I was not attuned to it.

00:26:32.420 Like I had known what all those popular shows were.

00:26:34.520 I had seen real world when I was younger and all that stuff.

00:26:36.500 But like, when I met you, even when I had known that you had done it in the past, it

00:26:41.380 never registered to me.

00:26:42.780 Was there a, I don't know why.

00:26:44.340 Maybe because I never saw you or anything like that.

00:26:45.960 Yeah.

00:26:46.840 Was there a show that you liked?

00:26:49.740 Like, what's one of your favorite reality shows over time?

00:26:51.660 Did you ever watch For Love or Money or any of those?

00:26:54.160 I loved, what was Flava Flav's show?

00:26:55.960 Oh, yeah. 0.97

00:26:56.520 I fucking loved that show. 0.99

00:26:57.520 Yeah, boy. 0.99

00:26:57.980 Yeah, boy.

00:26:58.780 When he met New York.

00:26:59.940 New York is crazy, son.

00:27:01.740 I love that. 1.00

00:27:02.860 I thought that shit was wild because it was like, that dude had no filter. 1.00

00:27:06.080 Yeah. 1.00

00:27:06.500 When I first moved here, he didn't give a fuck. 0.99

00:27:08.760 He gave no fucks. 0.99

00:27:10.080 He had, yeah. 1.00

00:27:10.720 Like, that girl's booty is too small. 0.92

00:27:12.780 Yeah.

00:27:13.320 And they'd leave it in.

00:27:14.200 Me and Brigitte.

00:27:15.240 Me and Brigitte.

00:27:16.100 Brigitte, that's right.

00:27:17.420 Bro, he is.

00:27:19.200 He's easily the first black man to conceive a child with a 70-year-old white woman.

00:27:25.440 I know.

00:27:26.820 Bro, and he's ageless.

00:27:27.880 This dude will last forever.

00:27:29.420 Look, I'm going to give you the name Nicorette, you know?

00:27:32.060 Right.

00:27:32.760 Nicorette. 1.00

00:27:33.160 Because you got me quitting all these other bitches. 1.00

00:27:35.740 You know, you always have, like, weird names, man. 1.00

00:27:38.980 Oh, your name is Booty Hole. 0.90

00:27:40.860 Your name is Booty Hole, you know?

00:27:42.860 He was, dude, he was a, when I worked in the music industry, one of my first day jobs

00:27:47.140 out here.

00:27:47.400 Hold on, let's refine that statement, dude.

00:27:49.200 Yeah.

00:27:50.000 But let's restate it.

00:27:51.180 Okay.

00:27:51.340 When I worked in the music industry.

00:27:52.800 I worked in the music industry.

00:27:54.180 Did you?

00:27:54.520 I used to plan tours.

00:27:55.420 Yeah, one of my day jobs was getting visas for bands to travel around the world.

00:27:59.600 Like, tour manager, tour planning.

00:28:02.680 This dude.

00:28:03.340 What is that?

00:28:04.020 That's Howard Stern in blackface. 1.00

00:28:05.280 Oh, fuck you. 1.00

00:28:05.880 I'm sorry. 1.00

00:28:06.400 I just thought he looks exactly like Flavor Flav.

00:28:08.880 Oh, yeah.

00:28:09.640 Oh.

00:28:10.000 Oh, this is Howard Stern.

00:28:10.560 When did Howard Stern do blackface?

00:28:11.980 Huh?

00:28:12.360 When did he do blackface? 0.98

00:28:12.920 When was that from?

00:28:13.540 Whenever he wanted me.

00:28:14.280 He's got that kind of money.

00:28:15.360 Yeah, I guess you can just come and go, huh?

00:28:18.060 Here's the thing.

00:28:18.720 You gotta be rich enough to leak your own BF photo.

00:28:22.680 Well, here's what's so funny about blackface. 1.00

00:28:24.160 Like, they tried to get Jimmy Kimmel recently, right?

00:28:26.340 They did.

00:28:26.560 And then he had to, like, apologize or whatever.

00:28:28.640 I don't think he's gonna be back.

00:28:30.060 You don't think he what?

00:28:30.940 I don't think Jimmy Kimmel's gonna be back on the Jimmy Kimmel show.

00:28:33.700 No way.

00:28:34.280 He might not be back.

00:28:35.600 No way.

00:28:36.880 Why?

00:28:37.360 Because of the blackface? 1.00

00:28:39.140 It's not a real thing.

00:28:40.360 That was so long ago.

00:28:41.740 He took off the whole summer.

00:28:43.420 Yeah, but they always take off the summer.

00:28:44.740 The late night show hosts.

00:28:46.280 And also, late night shows, they always take off the summer.

00:28:48.360 They always have a guest break.

00:28:49.840 And they do this a lot, where they bring in people.

00:28:52.160 I mean, this is back to Carson days.

00:28:53.400 Carson used to let Leno and Letterman guest hosts.

00:28:56.320 But this is not a new thing.

00:28:58.080 Also, he's taking off the summer to be with his family.

00:29:00.540 I don't think it's because of that. 0.93

00:29:01.840 I also think doing late night right now must suck. 0.96

00:29:07.500 I mean, look at it. 1.00

00:29:08.300 It must suck. 0.98

00:29:08.900 They're letting our friends do it. 0.94

00:29:09.980 I know.

00:29:10.300 It's insane. 0.84

00:29:11.100 And it must suck for the hosts that usually do it, 0.96

00:29:13.300 because you're in a studio with an audience.

00:29:15.020 You're used to the rhythm.

00:29:16.220 Now, they're doing it from their house or from a studio that looks like their house.

00:29:19.380 I'm sure guys like Jimmy just aren't loving that, to be real.

00:29:22.740 It has nothing to do with blackface.

00:29:23.920 And I know Jimmy. 1.00

00:29:24.660 Jimmy is the shit. 1.00

00:29:26.760 A hilarious, smart, cool dude. 1.00

00:29:29.200 That whole sketch that they did, the blackface sketch, 0.58

00:29:31.520 give anything context, and you'll understand why they did it.

00:29:35.660 Ted Danson did blackface, and Whoopi Goldberg was all supportive of it 1.00

00:29:38.820 and was like, it was at my birthday.

00:29:40.420 It was a joke. 0.98

00:29:41.180 So why didn't Ted Danson get fucking ruined? 0.97

00:29:43.000 Well, because context means everything. 0.97

00:29:44.860 Yeah.

00:29:45.300 If you're doing blackface, you know, at a Nazi Hitler party,

00:29:49.940 yeah, hard to talk your way out of.

00:29:51.740 Yeah. 0.99

00:29:51.940 But if you did it for a TV show sketch, get the fuck out of here. 0.96

00:29:55.120 At some point, what are we talking about?

00:29:57.220 Well, because also it's like, if people co-signed it at that time

00:30:01.360 and nobody said anything, like, it's just, it just all goes into

00:30:05.280 how often, when, what can you go, you could go back to something

00:30:09.440 in everybody's life.

00:30:11.000 Always.

00:30:11.460 And who are they?

00:30:12.280 Like, obviously, Jimmy Kimmel, it doesn't seem like he is a person

00:30:16.240 who is trying to, like, offend, but he's had tons of black people 0.99

00:30:20.400 on his television show.

00:30:21.400 Right.

00:30:21.840 You know, it doesn't add up that, oh, this, it's not the same thing.

00:30:26.080 No, it's not the same thing.

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00:34:42.820 These guys don't F around.

00:34:44.900 Y'all feel me there, gang.

00:34:47.960 But that's the thing is people don't care sometimes.

00:34:51.160 Right.

00:34:51.400 They just want to get infuriated.

00:34:52.660 Well, that's Twitter.

00:34:53.620 Yeah, well, but it bleeds over.

00:34:55.340 Look at what Twitter has done publicly to a lot of stuff. 0.99

00:34:57.280 It's turned things into shit that never existed, right? 0.98

00:35:00.580 Like, look at what happened to Ellen. 1.00

00:35:02.880 Ellen's getting murdered, bro, because of Twitter.

00:35:05.580 They're saying she might lose her show.

00:35:07.020 You want to talk about someone that might lose their show, not Jimmy Kimmel. 0.99

00:35:09.600 Ellen might get fucked. 1.00

00:35:10.820 But she's notoriously been a real piece of shit. 1.00

00:35:13.580 But that being said, being a piece of shit isn't illegal. 1.00

00:35:16.140 That isn't a crime. 1.00

00:35:16.660 You're right.

00:35:16.900 It's not a crime.

00:35:17.800 I don't agree with, but also, I don't even know what she did.

00:35:21.200 That's true. 0.99

00:35:21.540 Like, my whole thing is, like, did she outright say, like, I don't hire fucking Asians or derogatory comments out loud? 1.00

00:35:30.700 Yeah, gays, humpbacks. 1.00

00:35:31.880 Right. 1.00

00:35:32.220 I don't hire gays. 1.00

00:35:33.500 I don't hire one-eyes, you know? 1.00

00:35:34.660 She doesn't do that. 1.00

00:35:35.420 No, so...

00:35:36.160 That's true.

00:35:36.440 She has the diverse people on her show. 0.99

00:35:38.300 Every fucking day. 0.99

00:35:39.920 And also, there's a thing about, look, at a certain level of power, at a certain level of prestige... 0.99

00:35:48.540 Right.

00:35:50.040 A lot of your character defects are going to be magnified so much.

00:35:55.360 Right.

00:35:55.500 Like, you know, there's just no way to do it.

00:35:58.480 Like, she's basically...

00:35:59.580 It's almost like, I will say this, it's like a corporation.

00:36:02.760 Like, people are always like, these big corporations, you know, they're killing...

00:36:05.940 You know, Kraft Macaroni killed my son, you know?

00:36:09.180 Even though your son never, you know...

00:36:11.020 Didn't...

00:36:11.340 Never ate a vegetable his whole life.

00:36:12.880 Had nothing to do with it, you know?

00:36:14.180 He was in an auto accident.

00:36:15.520 But it's like, people always want to blame big corporations.

00:36:17.840 Sure.

00:36:18.040 Because they get too big and they can't manage things at a comfortable level.

00:36:22.560 That's just...

00:36:23.060 I mean, Ellen is a corporation.

00:36:24.940 She is like a Trump Tower.

00:36:26.380 Like, she's like a huge building.

00:36:27.840 She's a business. 0.99

00:36:28.380 It's not a person anymore.

00:36:29.580 Right.

00:36:29.840 So, if the person on the first floor of the building is upset that they don't get treated a certain way...

00:36:35.880 Right.

00:36:36.340 You know, some of that could be because there's 40 floors of business that have been operating.

00:36:40.540 So, whatever trickle-down kindness, it's just not there, you know?

00:36:43.880 Well, it's also...

00:36:44.580 Didn't they say it was more her producers than her?

00:36:46.520 Like, from what I read, it was like a lot of...

00:36:48.540 They said the executive producers were abusive in their approach or whatever.

00:36:53.200 And it wasn't a lot of her. 1.00

00:36:54.240 There wasn't a lot of quotes from her that I heard about her saying shit. 0.99

00:36:57.540 Right. 0.99

00:36:57.860 Now, whether or not people say she was mean to them or disrespectful or whatever, that is what it is.

00:37:02.900 But again, like we said, like, that's not against the law to be mean.

00:37:05.820 It's not cool.

00:37:06.700 But I don't understand.

00:37:09.220 Why can't we just have a talk about it?

00:37:10.920 Right.

00:37:11.100 Do we want people to change and get better or no?

00:37:13.240 That's a great question. 0.89

00:37:14.320 Do we want people to change or we just want to burn them to the ground? 1.00

00:37:16.460 Because I've yet to find a quote, if you can find it, where it's like, direct from Ellen said, fuck black people, said Ellen. 1.00

00:37:22.180 Like, I've never... 1.00

00:37:23.140 I haven't seen that yet.

00:37:24.320 I've just seen them say... 1.00

00:37:25.380 Yeah, fuck dancers. 1.00

00:37:26.360 Fuck. 1.00

00:37:26.460 See, look at it. 1.00

00:37:26.920 It said, alleged racism and intimidation on the show.

00:37:29.820 That's so vague.

00:37:30.300 Yeah, that's super vague.

00:37:31.660 That's everybody.

00:37:32.760 Right.

00:37:33.300 Dude, half my friends are alleged racist, bro.

00:37:36.200 Former employees say Ellen's be kind talk show mantra is a toxic war culture. 1.00

00:37:41.260 Yeah, it's just...

00:37:42.660 That's vague statements.

00:37:43.980 That's like anything else.

00:37:45.120 You know who said...

00:37:45.620 You know what somebody said?

00:37:46.500 Like, somebody had a great talk with me about Chris Hardwick's thing.

00:37:52.880 You know, when they said Hardwick, his ex said he was emotionally abusive.

00:37:56.520 Yeah.

00:37:57.880 Who isn't?

00:37:58.680 It's hard to be alive.

00:37:59.600 But emotional abuse, what is that?

00:38:02.760 That's a really vague term.

00:38:04.160 Yeah.

00:38:04.420 That's like a stepdad.

00:38:05.560 Yeah.

00:38:07.060 Yes.

00:38:07.880 Yes.

00:38:08.460 Like, also, my wife said this.

00:38:11.680 What past relationship of yours, your ex, wasn't emotionally abusive?

00:38:15.800 Man or woman? 0.95

00:38:16.580 You hated each other at the end. 0.99

00:38:17.860 I bet you were fucking mean to each other when it was over. 0.97

00:38:20.080 What current relationship? 0.99

00:38:21.120 There isn't some emotional abuse going on.

00:38:22.620 Abuse, of course.

00:38:23.380 And manipulation because you guys are fighting over certain things.

00:38:26.460 Everything is context, but we don't know what was going on inside of that world. 0.99

00:38:29.600 I don't know what's going on inside of that fucking world because like you said, that's 0.98

00:38:32.200 a big building, dude. 1.00

00:38:33.080 Yeah, you're right.

00:38:33.800 And Ellen's in the penthouse. 1.00

00:38:34.920 And I'm just spreading the fire. 1.00

00:38:35.160 I'm saying Ellen's a piece of shit. 1.00

00:38:37.600 I don't know any different. 1.00

00:38:39.160 All I, yeah, I, here's, here's where.

00:38:41.000 Oh, you know what else?

00:38:41.640 I don't watch the show.

00:38:42.420 So it's another world that I'm not connected to that I don't really care about.

00:38:45.860 So unless she outright said, you know, Filipinos are the lowest rung of human on earth. 1.00

00:38:51.080 If she said some shit like that, then I go, damn, Ellen, what the fuck? 1.00

00:38:53.820 That's edgy. 1.00

00:38:54.440 Yeah.

00:38:54.680 But until then.

00:38:55.420 That's false too, man.

00:38:55.900 And that's very false because they're great.

00:38:57.540 They're great.

00:38:58.160 It's the Thai people that we don't like. 1.00

00:38:59.720 Oh.

00:39:00.140 Everybody knows that.

00:39:01.140 Well, I don't want to say who it is, but it's the, it's this mix is the Thainese, they

00:39:05.300 call them.

00:39:05.640 The Thainese, dude.

00:39:06.800 Everybody, I mean, I work with a Korean and I have never.

00:39:09.820 Oh, we have one in here sometimes on Tuesday.

00:39:11.680 Oh, no.

00:39:12.480 Oh, yeah. 1.00

00:39:13.020 Try to kill us all. 1.00

00:39:13.980 North? 1.00

00:39:14.680 Huh?

00:39:14.980 Huh?

00:39:15.400 Who is it?

00:39:16.080 He's, uh, I don't know if he's north or south.

00:39:17.800 Is he north or south?

00:39:18.680 I don't know either.

00:39:19.820 No papers?

00:39:20.680 Yeah.

00:39:21.340 I work with a Korean every day, me and, me and Robert.

00:39:23.640 And I got to tell you, I was never, ever racist towards Koreans until I started working

00:39:27.320 with them.

00:39:27.640 But it opens up a new light.

00:39:28.860 You really start to see, you really start to see who you hate.

00:39:32.060 And that's why I still work with them because I want to just, you keep your enemies

00:39:35.000 close.

00:39:35.440 And that's bad friends.

00:39:36.620 That's bad friends.

00:39:37.560 And that's bad friends.

00:39:38.560 You keep your enemies close.

00:39:39.820 And that's bad friends.

00:39:41.200 No, I think this whole, everything can get pulled out of context.

00:39:44.120 Well, I'll tell you why I even say, why I even think this.

00:39:47.220 For one, I'm jealous probably of Ellen.

00:39:50.660 Yeah.

00:39:50.940 That she, I feel like she's, at this point, she's gone to the point where she's taking

00:39:57.180 a job from a young man, it seems like.

00:39:59.220 Yeah.

00:40:00.400 That's kind of how I look when I see her. 0.99

00:40:02.240 I'm like, damn, she's taking some young fella's job. 1.00

00:40:05.160 She's doing some young dude's job. 0.99

00:40:06.280 Now, I'm not saying that's a right way for me to think or feel either, but that is a

00:40:10.000 thought that comes to my head.

00:40:10.580 The second one is, a friend of mine used to work security for her at her house.

00:40:14.960 Private, like personal security?

00:40:15.900 Yes. 1.00

00:40:16.280 And said that she was a complete asshole. 1.00

00:40:18.020 But also, now that guy was a nice guy. 1.00

00:40:19.880 He was a little bit bow-legged, honestly.

00:40:21.320 No, I don't trust bow-legged people. 1.00

00:40:22.640 But, well.

00:40:23.200 How did you get that way?

00:40:24.060 Huh?

00:40:24.380 How did you get that way?

00:40:25.380 I mean.

00:40:25.760 What era did you come from?

00:40:26.820 I don't know, dude.

00:40:27.440 Did your parents break your knees when you were young? 0.99

00:40:28.900 That's that freaking polio bad boy, you know? 1.00

00:40:30.520 Or it's privilege because you rode horses or animals a lot. 0.88

00:40:32.840 If you rode a lot of animals, you can get bow-legged.

00:40:34.520 Well, if you rode a real small animal, then you're like-

00:40:36.620 Then you're like us.

00:40:37.300 Yeah.

00:40:37.540 Yeah, you don't get bow-legged.

00:40:38.500 But if you're privileged, you get to ride big animals, big more bow.

00:40:41.140 You bow up.

00:40:41.780 Yeah.

00:40:42.180 The bigger the bow, the bigger the privilege.

00:40:44.580 That's what I say.

00:40:45.720 And so that's where a lot of my, you know, I guess my disdain comes from.

00:40:48.700 And I think I just have a general disdain sometimes for that culture.

00:40:51.740 Now, if she asked me to be on our show next weekend, I might have a different opinion.

00:40:56.440 I don't think you would go.

00:40:57.520 You know?

00:40:57.960 I don't think you would go on Ellen.

00:40:59.260 I don't know.

00:41:00.440 Imagine if she asked you to dance.

00:41:02.500 Would you go out there dancing all the way down the aisle?

00:41:05.480 No.

00:41:06.160 Theo Vaughn.

00:41:08.640 And that DJ, and the DJ is like, what's up, Theo?

00:41:11.220 And you have to do that thing.

00:41:12.220 You're like, what up, dog?

00:41:12.980 Yeah, you got to do that all the thing.

00:41:13.800 Hey, Stanley.

00:41:15.860 Hey, diverse person.

00:41:17.860 I can just even imagine.

00:41:19.060 I don't even need to know who the DJ is.

00:41:20.820 He's like, hey, diverse person.

00:41:22.560 He's like, what up, what up?

00:41:24.920 But would you go on there?

00:41:26.420 You would.

00:41:26.960 On Ellen?

00:41:27.460 Yeah.

00:41:27.720 No.

00:41:28.660 I couldn't.

00:41:29.340 I would have no business.

00:41:30.100 What would I do on Ellen?

00:41:31.180 Well, I mean, you know, like.

00:41:31.980 You're more of an actor.

00:41:32.820 You do acting.

00:41:34.100 Yeah, but they're not.

00:41:34.900 I mean, you know, if anybody from my show, they would have Lil Dicky. 1.00

00:41:37.900 They would have like.

00:41:38.980 I'm not the star of that show.

00:41:40.500 Even if I was the star of a show, Ellen wouldn't be where I would go to promote the show. 1.00

00:41:45.320 Because nothing I would make would be Ellen's audience.

00:41:47.920 Right.

00:41:48.020 Ellen's audience is moms, middle-aged women mostly, you know? 0.93

00:41:52.780 Yeah.

00:41:53.080 Like, they wouldn't like me.

00:41:54.880 You know, like the content I put out, that's not what they like at all.

00:41:59.540 I mean.

00:42:00.220 Right.

00:42:00.820 Kudos to those that are broad enough.

00:42:02.780 But.

00:42:02.860 Right.

00:42:03.240 I think what we make is a little bit more specific than that.

00:42:05.320 Acting or not.

00:42:06.280 That'd be too hard.

00:42:06.920 They'd be like, oh, I don't like the language he used on this podcast I heard.

00:42:11.800 So, no.

00:42:12.540 What would I go on? 0.90

00:42:13.660 I mean, I would slit a throat to be on Stern. 0.87

00:42:16.200 Would you? 0.81

00:42:16.700 I love Stern.

00:42:17.640 I've always loved the guy.

00:42:18.580 I mean, like, I love the show.

00:42:20.720 I've done the wrap-up show.

00:42:22.560 Oh, yeah.

00:42:22.920 I've done that too.

00:42:23.660 Yeah. 0.99

00:42:24.040 And those guys are fucking John Hynde. 1.00

00:42:25.500 Those guys are dope. 0.99

00:42:26.500 They're the nicest.

00:42:27.020 And they have the most fun. 0.99

00:42:27.860 They don't give a shit. 0.99

00:42:28.540 There's no rules. 0.99

00:42:29.540 They kind of let you be you.

00:42:30.700 Sometimes you go on shows and they, like, dictate how you're supposed to be.

00:42:33.800 You know, and they shut you out.

00:42:35.040 And they don't make you feel welcome.

00:42:36.180 And you're like, all right.

00:42:37.580 Well, I guess, you know, I'm just filling a gap for two minutes.

00:42:41.200 But those guys let you do it.

00:42:42.420 I just, I want to be on the show one day to talk to him.

00:42:45.160 That's a good goal, man.

00:42:46.140 You know what?

00:42:46.440 Sometimes I feel like I keep myself out of my own goals with judgment.

00:42:51.400 Why?

00:42:51.880 You know?

00:42:52.340 I don't know.

00:42:53.160 Would you want to be on Howard?

00:42:56.660 I don't know if I would.

00:42:57.880 I mean, I don't know if it.

00:42:59.880 Do you like him at all?

00:43:01.340 I like him.

00:43:02.800 Just fine.

00:43:03.400 I'm not a big fan.

00:43:04.200 You like him just fine.

00:43:04.900 Yeah.

00:43:05.400 I used to be a massive fan.

00:43:08.040 And then just time-wise, I don't get to listen to it anymore because I'm not in my car listening to Sirius anymore.

00:43:12.400 Yeah.

00:43:12.780 But I used to love it.

00:43:13.980 You know what I loved about the guy?

00:43:14.980 Honestly, that in the sake of how we're comedians and we can joke around, like I did before.

00:43:19.620 I'm joking about not liking Koreans and one of my best friends is Korean. 0.78

00:43:23.020 Totally.

00:43:23.420 We can throw that away and have a joke and then go back to something real.

00:43:25.920 Right. 1.00

00:43:26.140 He does that a lot, which I like, that he's able to just go, fuck it. 1.00

00:43:29.540 If you can't tell the difference in when I'm kidding and when I'm not, that's on you. 1.00

00:43:33.200 Like, get fucking, get real. 0.98

00:43:34.720 Yeah, he used to be a lot more like that, I feel like. 0.99

00:43:36.860 I mean, he's definitely a legend, no doubt.

00:43:39.200 I think also he's getting older and it's getting harder.

00:43:42.400 The show is obviously getting harder to do.

00:43:44.400 It's tough.

00:43:45.500 You're making content every day.

00:43:47.580 All of it's tough.

00:43:48.400 Yeah, that's hard.

00:43:49.120 I just think-

00:43:49.800 And you change, too.

00:43:51.160 Yeah.

00:43:51.420 Yeah, he's probably not the same person he was 20 years ago.

00:43:53.160 Not even close.

00:43:53.640 He's like a vegan who paints and does yoga every-

00:43:55.760 You know what I mean?

00:43:56.360 Like, he's completely changed, which is cool to watch his-

00:43:59.740 He's a Jewish diamond Dallas page, really.

00:44:01.500 He's Jewish? 0.62

00:44:02.260 Huh?

00:44:02.780 Is he Jewish?

00:44:03.380 Howard Stern?

00:44:03.840 Oh, God, I'm not listening anymore.

00:44:05.100 Yeah.

00:44:05.240 I didn't know.

00:44:06.080 Yeah.

00:44:06.360 I didn't know.

00:44:09.260 Imagine 25 years ago.

00:44:10.940 Oh, no!

00:44:12.880 No!

00:44:14.380 He is.

00:44:15.060 He is.

00:44:15.580 He's the Jewish DDP.

00:44:16.380 He's a Jewish diamond Dallas page.

00:44:17.320 He really is.

00:44:18.060 Are you a wrestling guy?

00:44:19.280 All the jokes that we do about wrestling, do you watch it?

00:44:22.120 Oh, the truth is, man, if I had to be real honest,

00:44:25.060 there was a guy in our, I don't want to say our neighborhood,

00:44:28.100 but in our, probably an adjacent neighborhood

00:44:30.280 that trained wrestlers when I was growing up.

00:44:33.920 Really?

00:44:34.360 Yeah.

00:44:35.060 And did you get trained?

00:44:35.960 Huh?

00:44:36.260 No, but I'd go watch.

00:44:37.320 You'd go check it out?

00:44:38.040 And I'd try to get in there,

00:44:39.020 and I got the britches one time for, you know, Christmas or something.

00:44:42.980 Yeah. 0.95

00:44:43.400 And it was, they got me some shitty ones. 0.89

00:44:45.100 You know, all they had, 0.74

00:44:45.680 they got me in one with the ballet surplus or whatever, 0.99

00:44:47.980 somewhere, and some fucking little Billy Elliotts out there. 0.99

00:44:50.660 Hand me downs. 1.00

00:44:51.760 Oh, yeah.

00:44:52.440 Yeah. 1.00

00:44:52.740 I look like a damn newsie, you know? 1.00

00:44:55.060 I look like a newsie. 1.00

00:44:56.240 You're selling papers and watching training?

00:44:57.680 I look like a newsie at the gym, you know?

00:45:00.200 But I'd go over there and watch them, you know,

00:45:01.820 and the guy had a ring set up in his own yard, you know,

00:45:04.100 and they'd throw him off the ropes and do the body slam, you know?

00:45:07.140 Love that.

00:45:07.620 And they had this one wrestler guy who was,

00:45:10.980 I don't want to say mentally disabled, 0.70

00:45:12.180 probably had autism.

00:45:13.180 Sure.

00:45:13.400 Before they had autism, so it was just like, 0.99

00:45:15.020 oh, that guy's a fucking, you know, strong. 1.00

00:45:17.040 Yeah. 0.99

00:45:17.680 And it would be like this guy, Fireboy,

00:45:19.760 was his wrestling thing, you know?

00:45:21.960 Fireboy.

00:45:22.180 And he had like the pants.

00:45:23.720 Yeah, with the flames on the side.

00:45:25.120 And some kind of Doc Martens,

00:45:26.260 but before Doc Martens, you know, nurse Martens, you know?

00:45:29.040 Right, right.

00:45:29.180 This guy had like these lace-up boots,

00:45:31.200 and he wrote Fireboy on each one, you know?

00:45:33.560 Yeah.

00:45:33.700 And I'd go over there and watch him train the guy.

00:45:35.580 Are you sure it wasn't Andrew?

00:45:36.520 And then they ended up doing drugs.

00:45:37.460 Huh?

00:45:37.740 Are you sure it wasn't Andrew?

00:45:39.200 Yeah, it would have been.

00:45:40.360 Was it me?

00:45:40.960 Fireboy?

00:45:42.000 What if it would have been?

00:45:43.180 But dude, I'll tell you,

00:45:44.160 I'll say this, and I'll say this again, man.

00:45:46.100 But I still don't understand

00:45:48.200 why some of the podcast people

00:45:50.420 do not make a wrestling script.

00:45:55.360 This is wrestlers.

00:45:55.700 I know, we've talked about this.

00:45:56.660 I don't have any wrestling in my blood, though.

00:45:58.920 Who cares, dude?

00:45:59.820 Yeah, but I don't even enjoy it.

00:46:01.740 It's not for me.

00:46:02.540 Then you can still do it.

00:46:03.960 Have you seen wrestling, dude?

00:46:05.420 I know, but there's something about wrestling characters.

00:46:07.680 I don't like type-

00:46:08.340 You ever been angry at a costume party?

00:46:10.320 Yeah.

00:46:10.720 That's wrestling, bro.

00:46:11.900 I know.

00:46:12.300 I mean, no, I have.

00:46:13.880 I got in a fight with a guy at a costume party one time.

00:46:15.480 That's wrestling, dude.

00:46:17.400 It's just the Halloween-

00:46:18.740 Yeah, but we really fought.

00:46:20.120 Yeah, bro.

00:46:20.900 Oh, that's a good point.

00:46:21.620 We really fought.

00:46:23.060 Then that's not wrestling, man.

00:46:24.140 Yeah, we really got into a fist fight.

00:46:25.480 No, I don't like, I never, I never,

00:46:29.320 when I was a kid, I thought Hulk Hogan was cool,

00:46:31.540 and I thought some of the wrestlers were cool,

00:46:34.040 but I never followed it,

00:46:35.400 because something didn't click with me.

00:46:37.460 I didn't like, I don't think I liked the boots and the pants.

00:46:41.940 I don't like, I didn't like tight pants on men and boots.

00:46:45.480 Yeah.

00:46:46.220 I don't know.

00:46:47.080 Yeah, like, well, they're in jeans.

00:46:48.660 I guess I could do it if they were all wearing jeans.

00:46:50.500 And this guy, he's, his whole thing is like apathy.

00:46:52.940 He doesn't take his hands out of his pocket.

00:46:54.580 He kind of hates the whole thing.

00:46:55.740 That could be you.

00:46:56.680 That's me.

00:46:57.300 I'm just, I'm just, yeah, apathetic, apathetic Andrew.

00:47:00.800 Tommy Dreamer.

00:47:01.840 Well, see, that's my thing.

00:47:02.700 You know, I know they actually slap him, too.

00:47:04.180 Is that Carl Lentz, the pastor?

00:47:05.300 Yeah, I just, it's not for me.

00:47:10.380 Yeah, this is getting weird.

00:47:12.140 It's not for me.

00:47:12.960 Yeah.

00:47:13.320 Something about it misses for me.

00:47:14.660 It's just like, look, and I like theatrics.

00:47:17.940 I like, I know, I know that it's all a big play.

00:47:22.080 I think it's cool.

00:47:23.200 The idea is cool.

00:47:25.720 Well, some things have gone on, have, have, have, have, have gone on too long.

00:47:30.840 But some things, which are institutions, have gone on too long.

00:47:35.420 I do think a lot of times.

00:47:37.060 But then some things went away for no reason.

00:47:39.760 Do you know what high lie is?

00:47:41.780 I've seen that scooper.

00:47:43.220 High lie, yeah.

00:47:43.940 You know, that was the most, that was one of the most popular sports in the world at one

00:47:46.840 time.

00:47:46.980 No way.

00:47:47.520 Yes.

00:47:48.260 Yes.

00:47:48.540 Wow.

00:47:49.280 One of the most, one of the most spectated sports in the world at one point in time.

00:47:53.560 Pull up a high lie now.

00:47:54.340 Put a high lie.

00:47:54.800 Especially because in India, it was huge.

00:47:56.620 You're talking, you know, but high lie, they try to make a comeback.

00:48:00.000 It just, it's not working.

00:48:01.340 It's never going to come back.

00:48:03.540 But that's Jory Kornbit.

00:48:04.460 He's one of the most famous.

00:48:05.420 Really?

00:48:05.880 Yeah. 0.99

00:48:07.420 But this game is fucking insane. 0.98

00:48:09.180 I mean, they're going to. 0.99

00:48:09.540 It's in a court?

00:48:10.600 Yeah.

00:48:10.840 And the balls get thrown 170 miles an hour or something.

00:48:13.140 It's just, it's a wild, but it's a wild, cool sport to watch, but it'll never, it'll

00:48:19.240 never come back.

00:48:20.600 I can't tell you why.

00:48:22.280 I don't know what the appeal, I don't, I don't know why it lost this cool appeal of watching

00:48:26.540 people do that.

00:48:27.080 Just huck that ball. 0.65

00:48:27.860 When you listen to the echo of the ball off the wall too, it's daunting.

00:48:31.120 It's like that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that.

00:48:32.400 Really?

00:48:32.880 It's crazy. 0.99

00:48:34.500 But look at how hard they fucking whip that thing. 1.00

00:48:36.400 You get hit in the face with that. 1.00

00:48:37.420 You're gone, bro. 0.97

00:48:39.180 Oh, they got to wear the helmet too.

00:48:40.420 Yeah.

00:48:40.560 But people get hit all the time.

00:48:41.800 Really?

00:48:42.240 Yeah.

00:48:42.380 Yeah.

00:48:42.500 People get hit all the time.

00:48:44.620 It's fun.

00:48:45.320 That's that kind of stuff.

00:48:46.060 But it, but that loses its luster.

00:48:48.760 Right.

00:48:49.600 It's gone.

00:48:50.540 But now what about female roller derby? 1.00

00:48:53.980 Did you ever watch that when it was on TV when we were kids?

00:48:56.080 But they hurt each other.

00:48:56.860 That's why I love that.

00:48:57.820 See, I love the, the, the physical real pain.

00:49:01.500 It, it, I love to watch someone get clipped or taken out.

00:49:04.480 Yeah.

00:49:04.700 That's why I love football.

00:49:05.580 Same thing.

00:49:05.940 I'll tell you one time I went to the USC stadium.

00:49:11.060 Yeah.

00:49:11.160 And it was Superbowl day and they had the women's tackle football going on down there.

00:49:19.220 Right.

00:49:19.460 It was like halftime.

00:49:20.480 I think they were doing like, I don't know, something during that day they were putting

00:49:24.120 on a game.

00:49:24.980 And it's pretty lame to say, you know, I, I, I forego watching the Superbowl.

00:49:29.280 I guess it was two teams I didn't care about or something.

00:49:31.040 And I went down there to watch that women's tackle football game. 0.97

00:49:34.160 Yeah.

00:49:34.360 And they lit each other up.

00:49:37.100 I love it.

00:49:38.480 You've seen, you've seen lingerie football.

00:49:40.080 You've seen that, right?

00:49:41.120 Maybe that's what it was.

00:49:42.140 It was, yes.

00:49:42.980 Okay.

00:49:43.180 So that's what it was.

00:49:44.220 Oh my God.

00:49:44.820 It was hot with the pads on. 0.99

00:49:46.580 They beat the shit out of each other. 0.99

00:49:47.620 And bro, some of these chicks. 0.98

00:49:48.840 I know, dude.

00:49:49.520 You should pull up that highlight reel of those girls.

00:49:51.620 They clip each.

00:49:52.780 And there's also, they're, they're, they're, they're able to get away with more.

00:49:55.920 The NFL doesn't let anymore.

00:49:56.880 Like horse collar.

00:49:57.860 You can still horse collar in that.

00:49:59.180 There was a pigtail on the, on the, on the thing after it.

00:50:02.540 I mean, look at that.

00:50:03.660 Look at that.

00:50:04.040 She's throwing, she's blatantly throwing her shoulder. 1.00

00:50:06.020 Yeah.

00:50:07.120 At her neck.

00:50:08.060 You know, like.

00:50:09.420 Oof. 0.99

00:50:12.040 Get the fuck out of here. 1.00

00:50:13.580 Get the fuck out of here. 1.00

00:50:15.060 Wow. 1.00

00:50:16.960 Dang.

00:50:17.320 That girl in the shoulder.

00:50:18.860 And somebody.

00:50:19.340 They just are straight fighting. 0.99

00:50:20.880 Some of these chicks will shoot. 0.98

00:50:21.880 They'll shoot up right into the middle of the tit.

00:50:24.660 I think they're, I think, I think fighting is all legal too.

00:50:27.060 I think it's legit.

00:50:27.840 Ugh. 1.00

00:50:30.940 Damn. 1.00

00:50:33.080 This is, it's an incredible game. 0.99

00:50:34.720 This should be way more popular.

00:50:36.220 Bro, and I'm getting mildly erect, brother.

00:50:38.700 I really am.

00:50:39.520 Which is good. 0.97

00:50:40.200 Because I actually ended up masturbating yesterday. 0.99

00:50:42.840 So, to get an erection the day after a masturbation. 0.99

00:50:44.580 That's really good. 0.99

00:50:45.740 You're able to fill up again?

00:50:46.760 Ugh.

00:50:47.700 I can't get an, I can't get a tank in that fast.

00:50:49.500 Bro, very rare.

00:50:50.160 So, I didn't know this was going to do it for me.

00:50:51.660 This is it.

00:50:52.740 Now I know how to pique your interest.

00:50:54.340 Ooh. 0.99

00:50:55.400 Now, some of the ass cheeks get a little small the stronger the women get. 1.00

00:50:58.740 Well, yeah, you got a few, yeah, you can't hold out all that weight. 0.96

00:51:01.340 Some of the running backs.

00:51:02.240 Boom.

00:51:03.180 Whoa.

00:51:05.040 Oh, yeah.

00:51:06.200 Fill her up, dude.

00:51:07.540 See, this is a way to handle daddy issues. 1.00

00:51:09.360 If you're, don't go stripping.

00:51:10.620 Yeah. 1.00

00:51:10.740 Get out on the field and beat the shit out of another girl. 1.00

00:51:13.300 Now, the problem, I think, is just the money. 0.99

00:51:15.680 They don't get paid enough. 0.99

00:51:17.500 I'm sure they don't get paid shit. 1.00

00:51:19.160 Yeah. 0.99

00:51:19.400 Well, there's not enough money to be made.

00:51:21.520 You know, like, you got to have more fans.

00:51:23.320 But that's the thing.

00:51:23.940 It's like, this should be a bigger sport.

00:51:25.600 This should be a way bigger sport.

00:51:27.820 Dude, you know what I just realized?

00:51:28.640 Sometimes I don't even really want to have sex. 1.00

00:51:30.340 I just want to put my penis in there. 1.00

00:51:32.240 Just let it sit and soak? 1.00

00:51:34.120 No, just get, as long as you get it in, it's like it's...

00:51:36.700 Yeah, they call it soaking.

00:51:37.720 That's enough.

00:51:38.320 Really?

00:51:38.640 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:51:39.620 Really hardcore...

00:51:40.880 Mormons.

00:51:41.600 Mormons, we'll call it. 0.63

00:51:42.260 It's called soaking.

00:51:43.200 Wow.

00:51:43.680 They're allowed to put it in.

00:51:44.540 They just can't make friction.

00:51:46.500 Ooh.

00:51:47.140 Yeah, you got to...

00:51:47.640 That's hard, though.

00:51:48.240 You got to sneak it in there and let it sit for a minute.

00:51:49.500 It's like playing Operation, kind of.

00:51:50.660 Yeah.

00:51:51.100 Don't touch the sides.

00:51:54.400 You got to let it soak for a while, dude.

00:51:55.860 That's scary, bro.

00:51:57.140 Yeah.

00:51:57.720 Dude, you got to let it soak for a while.

00:51:58.680 Well, because the thrusting is a lot of work, right?

00:52:00.360 Oh, it's all a lot of work, dude.

00:52:01.580 Have you ever worked with Brennan Schaub?

00:52:03.180 Mm-mm.

00:52:03.940 It's a lot of work, brother.

00:52:04.760 That's a lot of work, brother.

00:52:05.900 It's an uphill, like Atlas, that guy who pushes that ball up that hill.

00:52:08.860 You ever seen that guy from Greek mythology?

00:52:10.400 And it always keeps falling down on him, yeah.

00:52:12.140 And no matter how close you get to the top, it's always coming.

00:52:14.460 And that ball...

00:52:15.080 Why is that ball always wearing it? 0.95

00:52:16.220 That's Sisyphus, right?

00:52:17.180 Sisyphus never was able to get it up there.

00:52:18.520 Thick boy.

00:52:19.160 I was like, why is this ball of a Thick Boy Bike Club shirt on?

00:52:22.400 Yeah.

00:52:23.300 Dude, he loves the biking, huh?

00:52:24.480 Oh, dude, it's crazy.

00:52:25.360 I was like, is he sponsored by bike?

00:52:27.660 Is bike sponsoring him?

00:52:28.820 I feel like he got so into bikes overnight. 0.94

00:52:31.880 He was like, oh, bro, I'm fucking 25 miles today up this hill. 0.88

00:52:34.620 I'm like, good for you, dude. 0.96

00:52:35.680 Dude, yeah, I'm Phony Hawk.

00:52:37.460 That's it.

00:52:37.800 Dude, he will...

00:52:39.620 That's the thing about Brendan.

00:52:40.580 People knock him.

00:52:41.640 The one thing that he is that inspires me is that he is a hard worker.

00:52:46.580 Yes, he's committed.

00:52:47.600 Who else can go from one thing to the next...

00:52:50.700 Right, he jumps all in.

00:52:51.500 ...and find their footing in it?

00:52:53.180 Football, fighting, podcasting, comedy...

00:52:57.840 And biking. 0.88

00:52:58.800 And freaking biking, dude. 0.53

00:53:00.800 He gets sponsored by Bike, the company Bike. 0.92

00:53:03.020 It's like Q-Tip.

00:53:03.820 Really?

00:53:04.160 All the bikes sponsored him.

00:53:05.380 Wow.

00:53:05.720 Any bike company he wants.

00:53:07.180 Thick boy.

00:53:07.840 His Instagram has become like an autistic kid's Instagram. 0.93

00:53:10.380 It'll just be like, big snake on road.

00:53:14.160 It's that picture of the snake.

00:53:15.860 Yeah, yeah.

00:53:16.720 Oh, yeah.

00:53:18.040 Here's a danger noodle.

00:53:20.700 Yeah, he posts a snake like he hasn't seen.

00:53:22.700 You've seen one every day.

00:53:24.180 It's not a mystery anymore.

00:53:25.280 Now it's a nuisance. 1.00

00:53:26.460 To me, I'd go, God, these fucking snakes. 1.00

00:53:28.760 He's like, whoa, here's another Sandwinder. 1.00

00:53:31.960 Whoa.

00:53:33.360 The best is, the other day, he's like flags down.

00:53:37.240 There's some lady biking. 1.00

00:53:38.540 He flags her down and let her know there's a snake there, and she doesn't give a fuck. 1.00

00:53:42.580 He's like, whatever, loser. 1.00

00:53:44.080 And just drives by. 0.99

00:53:46.500 Is he into motorcycles?

00:53:47.580 Is he up there yet?

00:53:48.880 He is.

00:53:49.340 It's on his calendar, but I don't know.

00:53:50.680 I think it's 2022.

00:53:51.860 2022.

00:53:52.540 He's getting into those sit bikes, you know, with the big sides on them.

00:53:55.540 Yeah, that Mexicans have out here. 1.00

00:53:56.840 Yeah.

00:53:57.160 Yeah, the beach, beach cruisers.

00:53:58.360 Yeah.

00:53:58.580 Oh, no, no, no.

00:53:58.960 I'm talking about the ones where the older people, and it has like the little case on

00:54:03.140 the thing for a Gatorade.

00:54:04.120 Yeah.

00:54:04.560 You have a little picnic basket in the side.

00:54:06.260 Yeah.

00:54:06.800 Oh, I got your sandwich in there, honey.

00:54:09.880 You want a bologna?

00:54:10.640 I got your bologna.

00:54:11.940 Bologna extra mayo.

00:54:12.800 He's going to ask me why we said this about him.

00:54:15.200 I know, but it's all because he's addicted.

00:54:18.560 When he gets involved in something, it becomes obsessive.

00:54:21.620 He's obsessed with bike culture now.

00:54:23.240 Now it's like, it's not like where you say if you were like, yeah, man, I just got into

00:54:27.940 jujitsu, like if you just got into it.

00:54:32.380 I'm sure you would like it and really get into it, but it wouldn't consume me.

00:54:36.120 Like when Brendan gets into something, it's like all consuming.

00:54:39.540 Again.

00:54:40.220 Yeah, he's an athletic addict, right?

00:54:42.480 He's addicted to athletics.

00:54:43.980 Or he'll buy the chef's hat and then he gets the spoon set.

00:54:46.440 Right, right.

00:54:47.080 And then he gets the knives and he wants to make the knives.

00:54:49.260 Yeah.

00:54:49.660 Then he gets the cheese grater and he does it all.

00:54:51.800 Right.

00:54:51.980 You know?

00:54:52.400 Then he starts making his own cheese.

00:54:54.180 Yeah.

00:54:54.640 Right.

00:54:54.940 This guy gets all the way in.

00:54:56.300 I like things, but then I can't get, if I get too involved, I know I'll go crazy.

00:55:00.800 Yeah.

00:55:01.040 So I have to, from a distance, you know?

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00:57:47.700 What do you think about when you see these guys doing the drive-in shows and some of these new opportunities that are coming up for stand-up?

00:57:54.980 I talked to Segura about it.

00:57:56.500 Okay.

00:57:57.100 But I'll be real with you when I say this.

00:57:58.560 I know this sounds annoying, but I think stand-up isn't going to come back for a long time.

00:58:04.860 And I mean it.

00:58:05.560 From a personal level, I've done so much searching inside about it.

00:58:10.000 I just don't think it's going to be the same when it does come back.

00:58:13.060 So I was talking to Schultz last night about this.

00:58:15.800 And I was like, man, you know, what we're making, this kind of stuff, this is our stand-up current future right now.

00:58:21.360 Oh, yeah.

00:58:21.740 Because this is more fun than trying to do a digital show to me, you know, and perform to an audience that's not there.

00:58:28.180 Because this is the same.

00:58:29.020 They're there.

00:58:29.380 They're watching.

00:58:29.980 But I don't have to wait for their response or know that they're engaged.

00:58:33.280 They can engage on their own.

00:58:34.740 Who are they?

00:58:36.260 The audience.

00:58:37.140 The audience.

00:58:37.320 Yeah, who's ever watching.

00:58:39.080 Whenever they're watching this.

00:58:40.300 But like those live shows on Zoom and all that, I just don't know if it's for me.

00:58:44.320 I've been offered a few times.

00:58:45.220 I don't know that I can. 1.00

00:58:46.660 I don't know if that's my shit. 0.99

00:58:48.560 But the drive-in shows, you know, Bert's doing. 0.99

00:58:52.560 I called him too and I talked to him about it.

00:58:54.460 He's having a lot of fun.

00:58:55.240 We were trying to plan a tour with me and Bobby to go do that.

00:58:57.320 And it just didn't work out.

00:58:58.620 The schedules was too hard.

00:58:59.540 It was too hard to get to one city to the next.

00:59:02.020 And it costs a shitload of money to put those on outside.

00:59:05.760 Because these aren't pre-established venues.

00:59:07.500 It's not like going to a club that the building's already there with the lights and the sound. 0.99

00:59:10.700 They have to build this shit outside. 0.97

00:59:12.640 And they're hoping that multiple people like us do it so they can keep the venue up. 0.99

00:59:17.260 I see.

00:59:17.540 Keep the permits.

00:59:18.360 But it's still – it's very costly.

00:59:21.000 You'd think you'd be able to go and set up a tent, you know.

00:59:24.000 Yeah, but even still, you've got to pay staff.

00:59:26.040 You have to have union.

00:59:27.020 You have to have sound engineers.

00:59:28.100 You have to have people who build stages.

00:59:30.160 I mean, you know, it's just kind of like –

00:59:31.420 Or you've got to grease the constable, you know, if you're going to a small town.

00:59:34.900 Uh-huh, uh-huh, uh-huh, uh-huh.

00:59:35.960 Yeah.

00:59:36.320 Yeah, you have to hit somebody off.

00:59:37.600 And then even still, they're going to want to be hit what they should have got from the union.

00:59:41.720 Yeah.

00:59:42.040 Either way, no matter how you shake it, I don't know if it's worth it for me right now.

00:59:47.220 If I was as big as Bert or Segura, yeah, maybe it's worth it for them to go get 500 cars in a parking lot.

00:59:54.440 I don't – I just don't know.

00:59:56.060 Also, I feel weird inviting people to go out and not be able to touch them and interact with them and see them and be – you know, have that –

01:00:03.660 those moments in a room when you're with people, it's just irreplaceable.

01:00:07.340 And I don't know.

01:00:08.120 Yeah, because I'm sure – you know, I got invited the other day to do a show where the televisions are in front of you.

01:00:13.740 There's a guy, Hunter Hill.

01:00:14.240 Yeah, they invited me too.

01:00:15.120 Yeah, Hunter, yeah, yeah, yeah.

01:00:16.000 Yeah, great guy, puts on a lot of awesome shows, and apparently there's like 20 screens in front of you where you can see the audience actually, see them right there in front of you.

01:00:24.400 That's interesting.

01:00:25.500 Yeah, it is.

01:00:26.380 No, it's cool.

01:00:26.840 I did tell them.

01:00:27.420 I said it looked really cool, but I'm also – I also know my habits as a performer, and I don't know if that would cater to my habits.

01:00:35.480 I really enjoy feeding off the live energy of people.

01:00:38.580 Yeah.

01:00:38.780 I'm significantly better in pressure situations where it's live and big.

01:00:44.640 Oh, yeah.

01:00:45.100 Than I am in those where there's almost no pressure because it's digital, there's a lot of growing room, and, you know, it's almost like there's almost no pressure, which I don't really like.

01:00:53.960 Like, I think the pressure of live is why I like it so much. 0.99

01:00:56.780 It's like, we paid to see you, bitch. 1.00

01:00:58.420 You better rip. 1.00

01:00:59.200 Yeah.

01:00:59.420 And when you do, it's like, it works, you know, whereas there, there's a disconnect, and it's okay if it doesn't work great because both people know that this is a weird medium of comedy.

01:01:11.060 Yeah, that's interesting.

01:01:12.340 It's almost caters – it almost seems like it caters to the – that the reward isn't actually being could.

01:01:23.180 The reward isn't actually being funny.

01:01:25.880 The reward is their kindness because then people might act like they're laughing or laugh out of, like, ha-ha, you know.

01:01:33.700 Yeah, one of those things.

01:01:34.820 But, yeah, just because that's how they're supposed to look like they're behaving because you're not going to be able to hear their audio.

01:01:41.260 Right.

01:01:41.520 They're just going to hear you.

01:01:42.760 So then it's going to become this world where you're performing for virtually for people.

01:01:46.080 Everybody's pretending that they're having a good time because they paid to be there, and it's just going to be –

01:01:51.720 See, I'm worried about that.

01:01:52.540 I'm just – I think it's – I think it's – I think it's good for people that are doing it and that it's working for them because there are people.

01:01:57.700 So I'm not hating on it.

01:01:58.320 Right.

01:01:58.560 No, I'm not hating on it.

01:01:59.080 Because I might do it.

01:01:59.920 I just wonder if the reward – if it's creating a reward system that is different than the original being on stage and getting, you know, and feeling that moment between you and them and forcing a laugh out.

01:02:13.000 You know, like, some people laugh because they have – it's not – they're laughing because they want to.

01:02:17.900 They laugh because you –

01:02:18.900 The rhythm.

01:02:19.440 Yes, you did it.

01:02:20.340 You made them laugh.

01:02:21.200 You did the job.

01:02:21.960 Whereas if it just looks like I'm supposed to be doing a certain thing, then I might just do that thing.

01:02:27.380 Well, because, you know, it's how people – they always talk about how people react when they know a camera's watching them.

01:02:31.140 So, you know, like someone in the streets, you know they're going to react different if they have a camera on them.

01:02:34.700 They start to function different.

01:02:36.160 Their eyes, their movements, everything becomes hyper-aware that they're on camera.

01:02:41.240 So, when they're on camera watching you, they know you see them now versus in the room, you don't see audience members.

01:02:48.500 You just hear them.

01:02:49.360 If they're laughing, they're laughing.

01:02:50.360 And if they don't like the joke, they'll sit there and smile politely.

01:02:52.900 You know, if they're not a fan of the joke, they're like, no, you know, that's okay.

01:02:55.400 And those guys, you can tell usually I bet they hit their girlfriends. 0.81

01:02:58.160 There's always that guy.

01:02:59.060 A hundred percent.

01:02:59.780 There's always that guy you see up front.

01:03:01.600 You kind of look at the girl and just – I always look at her and let her know.

01:03:05.280 It's okay, and if you need to go, we can go.

01:03:07.640 Yeah, just, you know, I know what's going on.

01:03:09.900 You should have a help code when you start the show.

01:03:12.140 Ladies, if you're here with your man and he's abusive and he doesn't want to be here, you know, we should have a help code. 1.00

01:03:16.920 Order that salmon.

01:03:17.920 Yeah.

01:03:18.660 I'll take a salmon, then I know you're ready to go.

01:03:20.580 Yeah.

01:03:21.060 You come with me, we'll save you.

01:03:22.280 Yeah, there's always a guy or two at the show that's not enjoying the show because he's mad that you're doing the thing that he doesn't do.

01:03:29.520 Right?

01:03:30.340 Because he hates his job or whatever, and he's annoyed that his friends like you.

01:03:33.160 And he's like, I'm not really a fan, but I came with them, but they love you, but whatever.

01:03:37.040 Good to meet you.

01:03:37.600 It was pretty funny.

01:03:39.180 Yeah, you're not – stand-up, I don't think, is going to come back for, I don't know, summer next year.

01:03:45.580 I think the vaccine has to be the thing to give people the – I think to give people the comfort level.

01:03:51.020 It's more about comfort.

01:03:51.960 I start to – do you start to feel – I started to feel this this week.

01:03:55.020 Like every Monday, I start to feel like, wow, okay.

01:03:57.980 We get a little further from the existence that we knew before this disease.

01:04:05.200 Sundays usually make my old lady depressed because work on Monday is like a whole thing for her. 1.00

01:04:10.680 You know, that's like a startup again. 0.99

01:04:12.160 It's like, oh, shit, I have a big week ahead of me. 0.98

01:04:14.960 And I never got it because our weeks bled together, right? 0.99

01:04:18.500 We don't really know what – you know, it's like I've got shows every night of the week or we're on the road.

01:04:22.120 So Monday and Sunday weren't significant days, but they are now because Sunday, to me, is this end of a week for me.

01:04:28.980 And Monday is like how many more of these weeks are going to happen without us having the ability to go do whatever I need to do.

01:04:36.880 Because I was saying it.

01:04:37.640 I feel like forced retirement.

01:04:38.960 I don't like it.

01:04:39.860 I feel like I've been forced to retire from stand-up.

01:04:42.220 You know, it's kind of like if you meet someone that retires too early, they usually get depressed.

01:04:46.420 Yeah.

01:04:46.680 You don't get to do the thing that you love.

01:04:48.020 I have no outlet.

01:04:48.680 I can't go work out at night. 0.98

01:04:49.740 It kills me, you know, it kills me not to go to the club and work out new shitty jokes. 0.73

01:04:53.900 But now what are things – yeah, yeah, I feel you. 0.88

01:04:56.160 I start to feel like, okay, the interesting thing is each time I started to – I just finally started to notice.

01:05:01.120 I was like, oh, man, I'm starting to think like we're getting further away from the life that we knew to the point where it's interesting how this new one becomes the norm.

01:05:11.480 This is it.

01:05:12.360 Get – strap in.

01:05:13.440 This is it.

01:05:13.880 Because a lot of me still thinks, oh, this is just such a temporary thing.

01:05:17.480 No, I don't think so anymore.

01:05:18.600 But do you start – do you feel that too a little bit where you're like –

01:05:20.900 100%.

01:05:21.100 It slips away.

01:05:22.200 Whatever was before starts to slip away and this slowly becomes –

01:05:25.720 About a month ago, I've therapeutically admitted to myself and people around me, friends and family, that I'm like the new norm is going to be – we're never going to go back to what it was.

01:05:35.580 This is going to be the future.

01:05:36.420 You don't think so?

01:05:36.800 No, no way.

01:05:37.620 I don't.

01:05:38.060 I really don't.

01:05:39.220 I think we will inherently – time will change us for the better.

01:05:42.600 We will adapt.

01:05:43.400 People will – this is all going to change.

01:05:45.380 I don't – I think jumping back into what we thought was normal will never happen ever again.

01:05:49.960 I just don't think so.

01:05:51.080 Wow.

01:05:51.320 It will be a new normal.

01:05:52.680 But it will be okay as well.

01:05:54.140 Right.

01:05:54.220 That will also be – but we will function significantly differently.

01:05:57.240 I mean you look at anything like – any kind of societal turn, right?

01:06:02.220 A big flip.

01:06:02.780 Yeah.

01:06:02.880 Whether it's, you know, the internet and the takeover of what the internet did.

01:06:06.920 Yeah.

01:06:07.640 Or flu or something.

01:06:08.980 Well, but anything that's just a big change in our society inherently changed us forever.

01:06:13.800 And we did it.

01:06:14.420 Yeah, we did it.

01:06:15.300 We did it okay.

01:06:16.080 Yeah, we did it fine.

01:06:17.020 We fixed it.

01:06:17.720 We created new jobs because of it, right? 0.83

01:06:19.880 The Industrial Revolution created fucking an entire new society for us.

01:06:24.020 Did it create other problems and put other things out of business? 0.83

01:06:26.640 Yeah.

01:06:27.380 Is stand-up going to go out of business? 0.95

01:06:28.620 Oh, the power drill fucking changed the whole world, dude. 0.94

01:06:30.200 Everything. 0.97

01:06:30.900 Everything.

01:06:31.460 The power hammer.

01:06:32.520 Yeah.

01:06:32.880 Didn't work.

01:06:33.380 Oh, the jackhammer?

01:06:34.220 Yeah.

01:06:34.800 Yeah, but it led to the jackhammer.

01:06:35.700 It led to the jackhammer.

01:06:36.560 Right.

01:06:36.680 The first one, that power hammer?

01:06:37.720 The power hammer was not –

01:06:38.320 You pull up power hammer?

01:06:39.300 Power hammer didn't work.

01:06:40.340 Jackhammer worked.

01:06:41.100 Power hand hammer?

01:06:42.260 Power hand hammer.

01:06:43.100 Yeah.

01:06:44.420 Yeah, I think we're going to function at a higher level in a different way.

01:06:49.120 That's all. 0.96

01:06:49.700 We just have to find new ways to do it, which is why I applaud the people doing the fucking – 0.90

01:06:53.780 doing those shows online because it's – you got to try. 0.97

01:06:57.000 You got to swing the bat.

01:06:57.880 Right.

01:06:58.340 Try it.

01:06:59.100 Yeah, I think the reason why I haven't gotten into the shows online is because I'm like,

01:07:03.640 are there enough of these yet where I can go and do two and three in a night?

01:07:07.640 And do a bunch, right.

01:07:08.240 So that I can actually cultivate the material and ruminate it as opposed to just going and

01:07:14.800 doing a one-off, you know?

01:07:16.100 Are you going to dump all the old stuff that you were doing before or no?

01:07:19.500 Well, I have a special with Netflix set up, so hopefully I'll dump it into there.

01:07:23.680 But when's that going to be filmed?

01:07:25.160 Right.

01:07:25.640 See, that's what I feel like.

01:07:27.180 That's a good question.

01:07:27.860 But at a certain point, they'll just be like, they're going to need material.

01:07:30.560 They're just going to be like, look, shoot it at a – 1.00

01:07:32.900 Starbucks. 0.87

01:07:33.500 Yeah.

01:07:33.980 Yeah. 0.99

01:07:34.100 Shoot it, yeah. 0.99

01:07:34.800 Cold brew? 1.00

01:07:35.660 Cold brew for Micah? 0.57

01:07:38.660 You're a slinging joke.

01:07:40.000 I just think – but I think they need to – but I think this is a good opportunity for Netflix

01:07:44.000 to film or let people film at very unique and different places instead of a traditional

01:07:49.840 theater.

01:07:50.220 Instead of a – like, let's do it at a different kind of venue, right?

01:07:52.840 Yeah, I think about that.

01:07:53.880 But then I think you see outdoors ones are just risky.

01:07:56.820 No, not outdoor.

01:07:58.300 Do an indoor one.

01:07:59.960 Well, bring up that boat thing that Nick – what's his name had in here?

01:08:03.300 Who?

01:08:03.480 That hand hammer never worked.

01:08:06.380 Never, ever.

01:08:07.420 Power crank.

01:08:08.040 Look at that.

01:08:08.720 Concepts.

01:08:09.520 Yeah, remember that thing that Tim Dillon had?

01:08:12.940 The boat, the drive-in boat show?

01:08:19.340 This guy's so funny.

01:08:20.580 I love Tim.

01:08:22.000 It's unbelievable the stuff he says.

01:08:25.220 Well, he shoots for the moon.

01:08:26.520 He sounds like Russell Limbaugh.

01:08:27.800 He is.

01:08:28.360 He's our generation's Rush.

01:08:30.180 Yeah.

01:08:30.780 Except he's sober now.

01:08:32.060 Yeah.

01:08:32.260 Rush is on pills.

01:08:33.360 Yeah.

01:08:33.840 Rush is pilled out.

01:08:34.500 But here's something.

01:08:35.100 Floating cinema equipped.

01:08:35.800 Social distancing boats coming to Los Angeles.

01:08:37.640 Love it.

01:08:38.860 Floating cinema.

01:08:40.440 Yeah, great.

01:08:41.220 That's just –

01:08:41.980 If you're rich enough.

01:08:42.580 Hey, rich people.

01:08:42.920 Yeah, if you're rich enough, that's great.

01:08:44.880 Dude, here's the crazy thing that rich people do too.

01:08:46.960 Oh, let's go to this graveyard and watch a movie.

01:08:49.760 Love it.

01:08:50.680 Oh.

01:08:51.020 You sit on the dead.

01:08:52.340 Yeah.

01:08:52.740 You let them know that you're above them.

01:08:53.920 Yeah.

01:08:54.500 Synespia.

01:08:55.040 Have you ever been there to Hollywood Forever Cemetery?

01:08:57.060 Synespia?

01:08:57.580 Yeah, I had one time.

01:08:58.420 Yeah, I love it.

01:08:58.700 I broke my heart though seeing that. 0.99

01:09:00.420 All these rich people having a little cheese on top of fucking, you know, Henry Ford or something. 0.99

01:09:05.360 Ingmar Bergman and stuff like that. 0.99

01:09:06.600 Yeah, I love that.

01:09:07.220 I love eating on old dead Hollywood people.

01:09:09.660 It just shows how little we mean, right?

01:09:11.980 Oh, totally.

01:09:12.640 It shows how this town, you mean nothing. 0.98

01:09:14.780 You mean something for this long and then you're Ellen and then they kill you.

01:09:18.940 And then you go sit on Ellen's grave and you watch, you know.

01:09:21.900 But isn't that part of the thing though?

01:09:24.020 It's like they built – now it's become such a system.

01:09:27.180 They build you up and then they tear you down.

01:09:30.480 Yeah, they're excited for it.

01:09:31.520 But we've always done that.

01:09:33.260 Yeah.

01:09:33.440 I think –

01:09:34.280 Yeah, look at the Bible even.

01:09:35.560 Yeah, they have to take down someone that's at the top because it feels – you raise someone up because you're impressed.

01:09:42.920 And then when you have societally raised them up, then you get tired of their success because inherently they have more than you.

01:09:51.040 They're bigger than you.

01:09:53.880 Yeah.

01:09:54.160 So they have to kind of peel you down a little bit.

01:09:56.540 And it almost – and we all need to be – it's like we're all imperfect in the end.

01:10:01.540 So it's like we have – the truth is that there is a – there's a – it's all a down.

01:10:08.700 Life – I mean death is the – you know, death is a down.

01:10:11.380 The whole story ends with an arc, you know.

01:10:15.900 It's a high and then a low.

01:10:17.180 Right.

01:10:17.460 The story ends with us in a field with someone younger eating cheese on top of us watching a movie.

01:10:23.240 Yeah.

01:10:23.640 That's how the story ends.

01:10:24.700 That's okay as long as you enjoyed it when you're above the ground.

01:10:28.460 I feel like I'm cool with however the story goes as long as I am putting forth effort to make it go somewhere.

01:10:37.580 Yeah.

01:10:38.160 Because it's never going to be – you're never going to have a, oh, the whole time, you know.

01:10:44.280 What is your industry going to be like in the acting world?

01:10:46.880 Because I know you guys' show Dave got picked up for season two.

01:10:49.080 Yeah, we're supposed to – we're supposed to already have been shooting it.

01:10:51.360 It should be almost done by now, I think, shooting.

01:10:52.960 Wow.

01:10:53.440 Technically.

01:10:54.300 Yeah, we'll probably not do it until – I mean they keep saying November, but I don't think so.

01:10:57.640 I think we'll probably do it next year.

01:10:59.420 And who knows?

01:11:00.380 I don't know.

01:11:01.440 Luckily, our show is for Hulu.

01:11:04.920 I mean it's FX, but it's Hulu because they're one now.

01:11:08.160 And so we're digital, which is I think where TV lives anyway.

01:11:11.600 TV's digital, dude.

01:11:12.540 I don't –

01:11:13.260 Here's a guy right here who's got a question.

01:11:15.100 What does he say?

01:11:18.740 It's Brendan's son.

01:11:19.880 Who had the idea in Dave for you guys to have a bath scene and you wash his back?

01:11:29.100 There's a scene in the Dave show where I get in the tub with him and we're naked and I wash his back.

01:11:34.240 Were y'all really naked in the shoot?

01:11:35.800 Yeah, and you know what?

01:11:36.520 That wasn't supposed to be on camera.

01:11:37.960 That was a moment of Dave and I kind of having a bonding and they put it on the show.

01:11:41.620 And I don't know if I appreciated that.

01:11:43.260 I think they went –

01:11:43.900 They kind of went above and beyond artistic integrity there because we said we're kind of working the characters.

01:11:50.120 We're trying to figure out what we need from each other in the scene.

01:11:53.160 So it was a long day.

01:11:54.840 It was the end of the day.

01:11:56.120 I said I'm going to take a bath in this house that we were shooting in.

01:11:58.680 He said I'd love to take a bath as well.

01:11:59.980 There was only one bath.

01:12:01.060 I said we'll share a bath, but I want a closed set.

01:12:04.080 And they put cameras in there. 1.00

01:12:05.160 Damn. 0.99

01:12:05.740 It's a little disturbing, but that's what the business does. 0.99

01:12:08.020 Yeah.

01:12:08.620 They're invasive.

01:12:09.680 Nothing like putting two men together and getting them naked. 0.79

01:12:12.220 Yeah. 0.91

01:12:12.940 In this town.

01:12:13.660 In this town, that's really what happens.

01:12:16.440 Yeah.

01:12:16.800 You know, and they filmed it and it was my choice.

01:12:19.100 And I don't enjoy that they filmed it and put it out there.

01:12:21.980 Dude, I'll tell you a story that happened to me.

01:12:23.480 I remember – I just remember this.

01:12:24.700 When I first got into town, some man set me up with a guy who was an agent, right?

01:12:30.240 Some agent guy.

01:12:31.360 I know what this is.

01:12:32.100 He's like, I'll take you to this party or something.

01:12:33.840 So he takes me to a party.

01:12:34.840 Cuba Gooding Jr. is there, so I'm all excited.

01:12:37.260 He's always there.

01:12:37.840 Yeah, then the guy's going to give me a ride, drop me back off at my place.

01:12:40.360 I didn't even have a car yet, right? 0.99

01:12:41.460 And I remember the guy saying, if you grab my dick while I drive, my car will go faster. 0.99

01:12:46.840 Did it? 0.99

01:12:48.220 I didn't touch him.

01:12:49.400 Oh.

01:12:49.820 But I remember just –

01:12:50.600 You didn't want to see if it could go fast?

01:12:51.900 But we'd been doing a little bit of coke, you know?

01:12:53.900 Right.

01:12:53.980 And I remember thinking – first, I was like, that's insane.

01:12:57.220 I don't – you know, that sounds – you know, that sounds fake. 1.00

01:13:01.200 Yeah, I don't know if there's a correlation between his penis and the penis. 0.99

01:13:03.560 I didn't even realize that the guy was trying to be perverted or homoerotic or anything. 1.00

01:13:09.340 I didn't realize any of that.

01:13:10.380 I just thought, oh, this guy –

01:13:11.640 He has a big car.

01:13:12.300 He's a gearhead.

01:13:12.860 This guy's a real gearhead.

01:13:13.920 Yeah.

01:13:14.380 Yeah, yeah.

01:13:16.160 But, dude, he said it twice.

01:13:17.580 And then I remember just having to stand up for myself, you know?

01:13:20.140 Yeah, at some point.

01:13:20.560 See, and I love women, dude. 1.00

01:13:21.820 I still had a picture of my girlfriend in my wallet.

01:13:23.780 Showed him.

01:13:24.180 You know?

01:13:24.500 Look at Shannon. 0.52

01:13:25.440 He didn't want to see Shannon.

01:13:26.240 He didn't – you know, that killed him, bro.

01:13:29.120 Yeah.

01:13:29.440 He's like, you sure that's not Sean?

01:13:30.560 Yeah.

01:13:30.800 That's not a Sean?

01:13:31.580 But I forgot about that, man.

01:13:33.860 It's that kind of town where they want you to be in a bathtub with a man. 1.00

01:13:37.180 Yeah, well, and that's exactly right.

01:13:39.280 And when you do want to do it on your own volition and not have it filmed, they end up putting it on a television show.

01:13:42.980 Yeah.

01:13:43.320 That's the problem.

01:13:44.260 I got proposed to by a proposition by a guy who was trying to be my manager.

01:13:49.160 Really?

01:13:49.760 Yeah, he said, I'll only take 8%, but you have to make up the 2% in other ways.

01:13:53.760 Ooh.

01:13:54.040 And I said, what other ways?

01:13:55.080 He said, I want to kissy-kiss every time you drop off money from a job.

01:13:59.720 And I just was appalled by the idea to kiss him, dropping off a check, my money to him, and kissing him.

01:14:06.060 Yeah.

01:14:06.540 But – so after two or three years, I had to drop him. 0.99

01:14:08.960 I just couldn't do that shit anymore. 1.00

01:14:10.180 Especially a kissy-kiss. 1.00

01:14:11.620 A kissy-kiss.

01:14:12.140 Well, yeah, because that's one on the cheek and one on the lips.

01:14:14.120 That's a kissy-kiss.

01:14:14.680 Ooh.

01:14:15.000 Ooh.

01:14:15.160 Ooh.

01:14:16.000 Yeah.

01:14:16.960 Ooh.

01:14:17.320 The nerve of this guy, you know?

01:14:18.680 That's sneaky. 0.99

01:14:19.880 That's like when your grandma was like in her last year of life, she fucking sneaks one in on you. 0.99

01:14:23.860 Kissy-kiss. 0.99

01:14:24.520 Yeah.

01:14:24.680 Give me a little kissy-kiss.

01:14:25.820 Let me get that double up.

01:14:27.160 Yeah.

01:14:27.280 Come on, Nana. 1.00

01:14:28.040 Stop it.

01:14:28.580 Hit it on the lips. 0.99

01:14:29.340 Hit me on the lips. 1.00

01:14:30.000 You smell like old artichokes. 0.79

01:14:32.420 Oh, yeah.

01:14:32.640 I'm done, Nana.

01:14:33.820 Yeah.

01:14:34.640 I'm done with it.

01:14:35.200 Why does every party feel so cold?

01:14:38.220 What else we got, Nick?

01:14:39.360 Yeah.

01:14:40.920 I wanted to bring up Andrew, clap back when you had Tom on your Instagram.

01:14:47.340 I was commenting from the King and the Sting Instagram.

01:14:50.400 Oh, yeah.

01:14:50.700 What did you say?

01:14:51.500 I said the show should just be called Bad, which I was pretty proud of, actually.

01:14:57.140 Yeah. 0.79

01:14:57.660 Hit him pretty hard. 0.94

01:14:58.440 Just self-promotion. 0.98

01:14:59.400 I like it, though.

01:15:00.060 Yeah.

01:15:00.200 This is Nick.

01:15:01.100 I'm helping out King and the Sting.

01:15:02.560 Comment whoring gets you a lot of followers. 0.73

01:15:04.200 Right.

01:15:04.700 But then he clapped back, and he said, well, your show should be called Yeah, Man and COVID

01:15:10.400 Boy.

01:15:10.920 Yeah, Man and COVID Boy.

01:15:11.620 That's what he said.

01:15:13.600 Yeah, Man and COVID Boy.

01:15:14.640 Well, here was one of my favorites, too, man.

01:15:16.280 Well, you know what?

01:15:16.740 I got a lot of hate for this, by the way, from Bobby.

01:15:19.580 Bobby-

01:15:19.880 Oh, Tom came on as a guest on your show?

01:15:22.100 No, no, no.

01:15:22.540 No, no, no.

01:15:23.780 Yeah, Tom came on Whiskey Ginger, and we went to the Bad Friends studio, and this was Tom's idea

01:15:29.400 to say that he's going to replace Bobby.

01:15:31.680 Oh. 0.99

01:15:32.120 Bobby, I'm not kidding, was fucking livid. 0.99

01:15:35.860 I was like, it's a joke. 0.99

01:15:37.080 He's like, it's not funny. 0.98

01:15:38.080 It's not fucking funny. 0.98

01:15:38.800 You think you just replaced me? 0.98

01:15:39.700 I was like, Bob, we're kidding.

01:15:41.580 Tom, of course, is not going to do the show.

01:15:43.240 Yeah, that's joking.

01:15:44.280 But also, Bobby was mad.

01:15:46.600 So-

01:15:47.600 Bobby's so oddly fragile.

01:15:50.080 He's so fragile.

01:15:51.240 He's just a delicate little flower.

01:15:52.300 He's like something you get at the airport, and it's like nice, but you're like, how do I

01:15:55.600 keep this on the plane?

01:15:56.860 I got to go two flights.

01:15:58.120 You have to hold it the whole flight.

01:15:59.080 They didn't put it in a bag.

01:16:00.180 I'm tired.

01:16:00.720 I'm going to go to sleep.

01:16:01.300 I took a pill.

01:16:02.180 You fall asleep for two seconds.

01:16:03.480 It's on the floor, and it's cracked already.

01:16:05.360 Like, ah.

01:16:06.240 Yeah, I had to do a little clap back under the King and the Sting.

01:16:08.560 Rename your show, Yeah Man and COVID Boy.

01:16:10.140 Well, that was good.

01:16:11.100 There's another one that's really good, too.

01:16:13.460 Go to a different pitcher.

01:16:15.040 Go back to his main.

01:16:17.960 And Cheeto Santino is where you can follow Andrew.

01:16:20.340 I'm sure a lot of you guys already do.

01:16:21.640 But there was another one you posted.

01:16:25.600 I said.

01:16:26.320 That you commented on.

01:16:27.280 Yeah.

01:16:27.600 I can't remember which one you said something on.

01:16:29.960 Go down a little more, maybe.

01:16:31.780 Or if not, it's that one in the middle, maybe, right?

01:16:33.920 With Dylan on our laps?

01:16:35.820 If I scroll down on Instagram through his page, it'll probably just, you'll be the top.

01:16:39.860 Show where it is.

01:16:41.360 That.

01:16:41.560 Okay, yeah, whatever you think is best, Nick.

01:16:44.120 That's Dylan.

01:16:44.700 That's me, Rogan, and Kreischer holding Dylan on our laps.

01:16:49.400 You know what's so funny? 0.85

01:16:50.120 Like, that is a picture that genuinely makes me go, God damn, I miss hanging out with friends 0.99

01:16:54.120 and doing stand-up and fucking around. 0.97

01:16:56.380 I mean, that's the kind of stuff that genuinely, when I scroll past sometimes, it just makes me 0.98

01:17:01.160 a little, you know, a little soft. 0.98

01:17:02.720 I go, fuck, I miss hanging out and saying hi to people. 0.96

01:17:04.720 I think we didn't know how good, I think everybody, and this includes everybody for their 0.99

01:17:09.680 own walk of life, everybody didn't know how good we had it.

01:17:13.120 No, we had it so good.

01:17:13.820 We did whatever we wanted.

01:17:14.800 As humans.

01:17:15.360 This is the freest country in the world.

01:17:17.020 We're allowed to do whatever we want all the time.

01:17:19.340 And then when this happens here, it just goes to show you how restrictive life can be when

01:17:23.540 something gets in your way.

01:17:24.500 I mean, what can you do now? 0.92

01:17:25.740 Oh, we're almost, yeah, I feel like we're damn, you know.

01:17:27.900 Which one was it? 0.62

01:17:29.500 Go down a little bit more.

01:17:30.480 It couldn't have been that further away, because we just, I remember it just happened.

01:17:33.680 Okay.

01:17:34.220 I don't remember what it was, though.

01:17:35.200 Was that on your personal account?

01:17:36.360 I wonder if it was on Bobby Lee.

01:17:37.480 It could have been on the Bad Friends account.

01:17:39.680 Yeah, maybe it was Bad Friends.

01:17:41.640 It could have been Bad Friends.

01:17:42.040 I was like, oh, I got asked to do this show.

01:17:44.620 Oh, I'm glad Bobby found somebody to do this show with him.

01:17:47.660 That's what it was.

01:17:49.380 That's what it was.

01:17:50.240 Maybe it's a Bad Friends episode.

01:17:51.620 Maybe on that one.

01:17:53.280 No, you know what?

01:17:54.000 Go back to my profile.

01:17:54.980 I bet you it was that same picture.

01:17:58.740 I'm telling you, I bet you it was the exact same picture with Tom.

01:18:01.940 And you said, I got, I think, Theo, I think you said, I got asked to do this show.

01:18:05.880 I got asked to do this show.

01:18:07.300 And I said, you already do a show with a handicapped guy.

01:18:09.680 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

01:18:10.600 It was so good.

01:18:14.600 Shout out Brennan Shaw, man.

01:18:15.900 Shout out Barndor.

01:18:18.500 Yeah.

01:18:18.840 That's our boy.

01:18:19.420 We love Barndor.

01:18:20.120 Barnyard Shower, dude.

01:18:20.840 Barnyard Shabbin.

01:18:21.540 He's going to get freaking mad.

01:18:23.680 No, he's not.

01:18:24.820 Yes, he will, bro.

01:18:25.840 No, he's not because he knows how much we love him.

01:18:27.580 That's true.

01:18:28.120 You're right.

01:18:28.520 You're right.

01:18:28.940 You're right.

01:18:29.280 He knows love.

01:18:29.720 There's a big difference.

01:18:30.800 That's true.

01:18:31.220 What did, what did, uh, go back up in that scroll that, what did, uh, let me, let me ask

01:18:35.560 you this though.

01:18:36.080 Look at that.

01:18:36.400 What did, oh, I thought that was somebody else.

01:18:38.160 Nevermind.

01:18:38.440 I was like, who did, I thought it was George.

01:18:41.240 Who could fight him?

01:18:41.960 I'd be up at the top.

01:18:43.260 Yeah, it usually does.

01:18:44.200 How, why does it push it down?

01:18:44.820 I would call it just bad.

01:18:45.860 Oh, he did that.

01:18:46.860 If you think you get comedy.

01:18:47.840 No, keep going.

01:18:48.160 There's, yeah, that's you again.

01:18:49.700 Mistake, Rick and his alcoholic burn victim friend.

01:18:52.060 Look at that.

01:18:52.660 He, Nick kept throwing punches.

01:18:54.120 He should.

01:18:54.840 But did I comment after that?

01:18:56.160 Did I comment at that one?

01:18:57.120 I don't know.

01:18:57.600 No, because I was busy.

01:18:58.560 And that is Theo's line, alcoholic burn victim.

01:19:00.820 I gotta.

01:19:01.420 Yeah, yeah.

01:19:01.880 No, I know.

01:19:02.400 I like that.

01:19:03.380 I love that.

01:19:03.940 That's when the Rat King shows up, dude.

01:19:05.840 When he's got to freaking defend his crown.

01:19:06.960 Well, he doesn't have a choice at some point.

01:19:09.900 Do you think, who do you think is going to win this election, do you think?

01:19:13.060 It's interesting.

01:19:15.640 Yeah, now I change my opinion.

01:19:17.400 I used to think, I genuinely used to think.

01:19:22.400 And I'm not saying, I'm not putting you on a political side or anything.

01:19:25.160 I'm just talking this openly.

01:19:26.560 Who do we think could win this election?

01:19:28.280 No, no, no, no, no, no.

01:19:29.080 It's not a political thing.

01:19:29.860 I used to think Trump was going to win for sure.

01:19:31.340 I thought in my mind, I was like, there's just no way, because he was so polarizing and

01:19:35.420 he just was controlling the country.

01:19:38.140 Keep that up, Nick.

01:19:39.120 And then now, I don't think so anymore.

01:19:41.680 I just don't.

01:19:42.320 I think in lieu of what's going on, I don't think so.

01:19:45.480 Who won the 2020 presidential election?

01:19:47.820 And this is over the past year.

01:19:51.740 What the percentage is.

01:19:52.960 See, there you go.

01:19:53.660 Yeah, that's what I was going to say.

01:19:55.500 There you go.

01:19:56.460 I still don't know.

01:19:57.500 I don't think he will anymore due to the fact that.

01:20:00.420 Well, he bombed during the Black Lives Matter thing. 0.98

01:20:02.820 He didn't.

01:20:04.100 Between BLM and the pandemic, I think are a perfect storm for him to cause him to lose.

01:20:10.360 Yeah.

01:20:10.500 Do you know what I mean?

01:20:11.080 I think that's what I'll, I think those two things will make it go.

01:20:14.980 Nick is just checking his fantasy stuff.

01:20:16.860 No, he's checking the odds.

01:20:17.860 It's not even happening.

01:20:18.240 No, I know.

01:20:19.440 I laid, a couple of years ago, I laid money on Trump.

01:20:22.580 On 2020?

01:20:23.620 Yeah.

01:20:24.580 What'd you put down?

01:20:25.280 I put down $250.

01:20:26.900 That he'd win again?

01:20:27.700 Yeah.

01:20:28.160 And it was like 10 to 1.

01:20:29.280 Is there a parlay?

01:20:30.120 Do you get to pit whatever?

01:20:30.980 I know.

01:20:32.220 I saw the same thing.

01:20:33.320 It was before he had won the, the, the, the, the Republican, the Republican nominee.

01:20:38.480 He was plus 800.

01:20:39.280 And like, you knew he was going to win that.

01:20:41.280 So at that point, it's 50, 50, essentially.

01:20:43.300 Like, what are the odds right now for Biden and him?

01:20:45.500 It's like, Biden's the favorite.

01:20:48.200 Those are.

01:20:48.460 Let's see them.

01:20:49.340 Those.

01:20:49.620 Yeah.

01:20:50.100 Sorry, Nick.

01:20:50.700 No, no.

01:20:51.120 Yeah.

01:20:51.400 I do want to see this.

01:20:52.560 I do want to see the favorites.

01:20:53.600 Cause that's wild.

01:20:54.040 Here we go.

01:20:55.020 Minus 150 plus 135.

01:20:57.080 Wow. 0.88

01:20:58.320 Well, see, that's what's silly. 0.95

01:20:59.180 Why would they throw in Obama? 0.77

01:21:00.000 Why would they throw in Hillary Clinton and Michelle Obama? 1.00

01:21:01.940 Because here's what happens.

01:21:02.860 Just in case?

01:21:03.520 If Biden can't make, physically cannot do it, the electoral college gets to pick.

01:21:09.740 Yeah.

01:21:10.820 Or the, is it the representatives?

01:21:14.820 There's a group that gets to then put somebody in his place.

01:21:17.920 Yeah, sure.

01:21:18.420 I mean, the DNC then gets to replace.

01:21:20.300 Right.

01:21:20.480 Right.

01:21:20.920 The DNC then gets to put somebody in his stead.

01:21:22.860 That's why a lot of people still think, and I've thought this the whole time, that Hillary 0.74

01:21:27.060 Clinton is going to slip in at the last minute and replace him, or somebody is.

01:21:31.440 But Michelle Obama has never even talked about being a, she's just, I don't know.

01:21:35.440 She just launched a podcast on Spotify.

01:21:37.360 It's huge.

01:21:37.560 Yeah, that's because they want to get paid.

01:21:39.020 2024.

01:21:39.840 They got, they got seven Emmy nominations from their, look, the Obamas have parlayed their

01:21:46.220 presidency into being media moguls now.

01:21:48.640 Oh yeah.

01:21:49.100 Intelligently so.

01:21:49.820 If you're going to get out of being a president, you can't just play golf and sew because they're

01:21:54.540 still young.

01:21:55.600 They did the thing that you would do if you were that young.

01:21:58.880 You'd go, well, let's get a media deal with Netflix for a hundred million dollars.

01:22:02.580 Yeah. 1.00

01:22:02.740 Make shit, employ people and keep making money. 1.00

01:22:06.060 What about this? 1.00

01:22:06.900 And here's a, here's a different question.

01:22:08.760 What do you think the effects of the pandemic will have on how people vote?

01:22:14.720 That's what I start to wonder because I start to wonder if a lot of people think that we're going

01:22:19.020 to head towards socialism.

01:22:20.500 Yeah.

01:22:20.880 Then they're going to be voting against that.

01:22:22.900 I start to wonder if a lot of people think that the president is the one who got us into

01:22:27.960 this situation.

01:22:29.000 Then people are going to vote against or are going to vote democratic because of that.

01:22:33.700 You know, it just starts to make me wonder how like this, this thing that we're in right now

01:22:38.800 is going to make people vote.

01:22:41.240 Cause I don't even know if people are voting for one person anymore that much.

01:22:45.580 I mean, I feel like as much as they're voting against the, how they want the world to be

01:22:51.800 and what they think.

01:22:53.040 I think people used to vote for their party, right?

01:22:55.520 I think a lot of times people voted for their party.

01:22:57.280 I think now people are voting because they diverse now.

01:22:59.480 Yeah.

01:22:59.600 I think people hate the other person now.

01:23:01.500 Yeah.

01:23:01.820 Yeah.

01:23:02.000 What you said, I think people used to vote.

01:23:03.400 Oh, I don't really love the guy, but I'm a Republican.

01:23:05.100 So I vote for X, Y, Z. 0.98

01:23:06.740 Now I think people go, I fucking hate, uh, Joe Biden or I hate Hillary or whoever. 0.99

01:23:12.480 And they go off. 0.99

01:23:13.220 So I'm, Oh, I'm for sure going to vote for this guy, regardless of the party.

01:23:17.720 They just get so, they get so annoyed with, with the other party that they're like, I'll

01:23:22.900 do anything to get rid to not to make sure they don't get in, you know, which in essence

01:23:27.240 is the same, but I think it's more personal now.

01:23:29.020 People, people really, who hate Trump, hate Trump.

01:23:31.820 People who hate Biden and Hillary and, and, and Bernie, same way.

01:23:36.200 They hate, they had the same kind of hate on both sides.

01:23:38.080 So, but people have gotten so dive, people are more, there's, we just have to get away

01:23:43.100 from this two party system is the most flawed thing on earth.

01:23:45.800 Yeah.

01:23:45.980 And hopefully that's what I think is that whatever's going on over the past eight years,

01:23:50.920 four years, and in the future is that's where it's leading us.

01:23:54.400 Well, you should be able to pick, you should be able to pick from, you know, what you,

01:23:57.780 you have to have an odd number, isn't it, wouldn't that be the, isn't that the case per,

01:24:00.600 so you'd have to have like three per side or something like that.

01:24:02.920 Yeah.

01:24:03.360 So yeah, if it was three candidates from Republican party, three candidates from the Democratic

01:24:06.800 party, that's who you would want to put up a fight because then you'd get an extreme

01:24:11.580 from the Republican, a, a middle from the Republican, and then a more, almost left-leaning Republican

01:24:17.720 or, or someone like, you know, um, Pete Buttigieg, you know who the, you know, Buttigieg is almost

01:24:24.460 like he could be both.

01:24:25.480 I don't even, he's somewhere in the middle, you know, he's a gay vet who loves guns, but

01:24:29.920 also is, is pro-gay marriage, but also is very conservative in his financial approach

01:24:36.080 about taxes.

01:24:36.680 So you're like, this guy's kind of all over the place, but you need that option to be

01:24:40.840 viable because it's legitimate.

01:24:42.820 That's how people think these days.

01:24:43.960 Nobody is one way at all.

01:24:45.480 No one's all the way in on anything.

01:24:47.280 I don't believe it to be true.

01:24:48.680 I wish we elected the president and the vice president.

01:24:51.840 I always thought that Bernie and Trump would have been a good ticket.

01:24:55.520 Yeah.

01:24:55.660 Like, why does he get to bring his friend to the party that we didn't approve?

01:24:58.400 I don't understand that.

01:24:59.160 It's always weird.

01:25:00.100 Cause yeah.

01:25:00.460 Why did they get to bring in?

01:25:01.860 Because then you could really check the, say if somebody got president, then you could

01:25:06.100 check them by having a, uh, a vice president that had different views and like totally

01:25:12.840 incorporated more of your, you know, more of your views.

01:25:15.920 So then it would always be like, they're always going to have somebody that they're going

01:25:18.640 to have to discuss things with.

01:25:20.840 Yeah.

01:25:21.180 You know?

01:25:21.760 Yeah.

01:25:21.920 No, I think, I think people are going to, this is going to change a lot as far, but also

01:25:25.220 I think, I think we need to get back to a place where we step back after all this chaos

01:25:32.580 and we start to understand that like agenda isn't the way to get messages across.

01:25:36.840 We need to have conversations because people are just hearing stuff and then they get mad. 0.99

01:25:40.680 Like I got mad the other night, not mad, but I just got, I was like, this is fucked up. 0.97

01:25:44.400 There's a Procter and Gamble commercial. 1.00

01:25:46.180 Procter and Gamble is a major fucking corporation. 0.99

01:25:48.880 And it's a commercial where it's a young, it's a young black dad with his son and they 1.00

01:25:52.960 get looks everywhere they go.

01:25:54.200 Right.

01:25:54.440 There's a little girl waving out of a Mercedes, a little white girl, and the mom rolls up

01:25:58.500 the window when she sees that she's waving at a black kid.

01:26:00.900 And then he puts his son in the pool and a, and a white dad gets his son out of the pool 0.91

01:26:04.680 because the black guy is in the pool.

01:26:06.660 And then the very end of the commercial, you see that he's actually, they were in a courtroom 0.78

01:26:10.120 and then you pan around and he's a judge, the, the, the, the, the dad, the black dad.

01:26:14.440 And it's this thing that's like, it's a conversation we need to have about, um, racial inequality

01:26:20.320 and judgment and silent racist, uh, intentions and yada, yada, yada.

01:26:26.000 While I know what they're saying, I know what they're trying to communicate.

01:26:29.820 I think that is so poorly done.

01:26:32.280 Yeah.

01:26:32.560 This is the commercial because all this does to me is you can play it and play it in the

01:26:36.940 background.

01:26:37.200 Cause I don't think there's any, it's just music.

01:26:38.480 There is no, uh, there's no dialogue, but you know, they show him and his son having a good

01:26:43.320 day and then it's waving at a white girl and a Benz and the mom is like, no way you

01:26:47.400 don't get to wave at blacks. 0.63

01:26:48.720 Like what? 0.97

01:26:49.520 What is this from 1940? 0.99

01:26:50.720 This is, this is now they're airing the shit right now. 0.99

01:26:53.340 And look, don't hold the elevator for the black guy says the three whites in the elevator. 1.00

01:26:56.880 Oh my God. 0.99

01:26:58.560 Well, I mean, dude, this is insane.

01:26:59.640 This is going on.

01:27:00.200 I just saw this last night when I was watching baseball.

01:27:02.520 Ooh, is that a thought coming in the door?

01:27:04.720 She's cute, huh? 0.93

01:27:05.760 But look, what would you like to sit at that table next to the black guy? 1.00

01:27:08.180 No way. 0.95

01:27:08.580 We'd rather sit over here.

01:27:10.920 You know, let's get out of the pool. 0.98

01:27:12.000 I don't want to get in the pool because the black guy's in there with his son. 1.00

01:27:15.700 Right. 0.98

01:27:16.080 Oh, you're in a fancy shoe store. 0.96

01:27:17.940 Look at the black guy. 1.00

01:27:18.800 Look at the black guy. 1.00

01:27:19.460 Checked on the black guy. 1.00

01:27:20.280 He's black. 0.99

01:27:20.820 We don't know what he's going to do in here. 0.98

01:27:22.400 So, right.

01:27:23.100 The message is extremely obvious of what Procter and Gamble is saying.

01:27:26.160 I just want to see what the script is at the end.

01:27:29.980 You know.

01:27:30.780 Should I skip ahead?

01:27:31.580 Yeah, skip to he's a judge now.

01:27:33.540 You know, we cut to a courtroom.

01:27:34.900 They turn the cameras around and obviously we see he's a judge.

01:27:39.980 And their statement is.

01:27:41.120 Good for him, man.

01:27:42.000 Yeah.

01:27:42.720 And this is based on a true story?

01:27:44.180 Yeah.

01:27:45.100 Yeah.

01:27:45.840 But it turns out he didn't even go to school to be a judge.

01:27:48.640 Let's all talk about.

01:27:49.580 Let's all.

01:27:50.140 Let's all.

01:27:50.600 What is that?

01:27:50.920 Let's all.

01:27:51.420 Talk about the look so we can talk about the look so we can see beyond it.

01:27:54.000 Okay.

01:27:54.480 So here's my here.

01:27:55.500 Here's what I here's what I want to say about this.

01:27:56.800 And then I don't want to ramble on to more about it.

01:27:58.300 But it made me mad last night because I know what they're saying.

01:28:03.480 Do do many black people in America or the major maybe all maybe a high majority feel

01:28:09.160 that they get that they get things like this that things like this happen to them?

01:28:12.640 Perhaps.

01:28:13.420 Yes.

01:28:13.620 Perhaps so.

01:28:14.060 That is.

01:28:14.400 That can be true.

01:28:15.140 Right.

01:28:15.320 Yes.

01:28:15.540 But this message, though, is almost like saying all white people do this stuff.

01:28:22.700 Yeah. 0.96

01:28:23.040 All of you do this, which is so fucking wrong and not true that this should say there's 0.98

01:28:29.820 a very small percentage of white people who publicly have no shame in being racist. 0.99

01:28:34.360 Right. 1.00

01:28:34.580 And they're fucking assholes and fuck them forever. 1.00

01:28:37.560 Yeah. 1.00

01:28:38.200 But but the conversation that should it should say, let's talk about how people are blatantly

01:28:43.040 racist and why it's wrong versus this shows different factions of white people at different

01:28:49.040 levels of life shunning black people.

01:28:51.880 And it's almost saying this is what you do without knowing it. 1.00

01:28:55.400 It's like, no, the fuck I don't. 1.00

01:28:57.180 Right. 1.00

01:28:57.320 No, the fuck I don't put that saying like it's a this. 0.99

01:29:00.260 I believe in my heart that most the high majority of whites in this country aren't inherently 1.00

01:29:06.500 racist towards black people in that fashion.

01:29:08.560 I agree. 0.98

01:29:09.060 Right.

01:29:09.360 I just don't believe that.

01:29:10.460 I agree.

01:29:10.760 I've agreed it for a long time.

01:29:11.900 Do I think there's some people that are?

01:29:13.840 Yes.

01:29:14.380 Right.

01:29:14.760 Yes.

01:29:15.180 There are probably a portion of people that see a black guy in a pool and don't swim in 0.98

01:29:19.140 it because that black that white guy's racist. 0.98

01:29:21.240 Right. 1.00

01:29:21.400 OK.

01:29:21.900 Do I think most do that?

01:29:23.360 No.

01:29:24.040 Yeah.

01:29:24.300 But this message is like saying most, if not all white people are racist towards black 0.79

01:29:28.700 people.

01:29:29.000 And I just don't believe it.

01:29:30.660 I just don't think that's true because it is perpetuating a narrative that is that is

01:29:36.420 so broad.

01:29:38.320 How could you encompass all the whites? 0.97

01:29:40.040 It's ignorant to have this be the narrative almost. 0.96

01:29:43.340 Yeah. 0.99

01:29:43.480 It's fucked up because that's not how I fucking feel. 0.99

01:29:45.820 So you're speaking for me now. 0.99

01:29:47.140 Right. 0.99

01:29:47.540 Procter and fucking gamble. 1.00

01:29:49.160 Yeah. 0.99

01:29:49.800 And so a lot of this comes from, I think, the people who make these commercials now and

01:29:55.020 who are in the driver's seat of a lot of the advertising and all that.

01:29:58.420 They're all from a lot of the same places.

01:30:00.540 Yeah.

01:30:00.680 It's the same repeat people over and over again who have never lived in different communities.

01:30:05.300 And so they think that this is what it's like everywhere because that's what they see

01:30:08.980 on their news.

01:30:09.460 Because they don't live in those worlds.

01:30:10.540 You said exactly what I said on this last podcast I did with Fitzsimmons.

01:30:15.220 My biggest beef with a lot of white people yelling the loudest is they don't interact

01:30:19.080 with anybody of color anyway. 0.92

01:30:20.540 Right. 0.70

01:30:20.840 They have no black friends. 1.00

01:30:22.200 They have no, fuck saying just black friends. 1.00

01:30:24.560 They have no friends of any other race besides whites. 1.00

01:30:27.440 So then they go, this is what I think other whites do. 1.00

01:30:31.540 Well, you don't live in the world, especially Procter and fucking gamble, a massive corporation. 0.99

01:30:38.240 What world do you live in that you know that? 0.96

01:30:40.680 And what I would rather see, what I think it would be more helpful would be to show a

01:30:45.500 commercial that shows people of all ethnicities treating a different ethnicity a certain way.

01:30:52.140 Yeah.

01:30:52.340 Because I think there's, I believe that there's way more bigotry in the country than there

01:30:57.320 is actual inherent or, you know, like that systemic racism people talk about.

01:31:03.320 Yeah.

01:31:03.440 I think there's way more bigotry that goes all types of ways.

01:31:06.060 Oh, please.

01:31:06.540 Like I see.

01:31:07.360 Everyone is racist.

01:31:08.100 There is so much bigotry to any other race.

01:31:10.520 Yeah. 0.87

01:31:10.660 It's not just a street of, of one way street of white people being racist to black people.

01:31:15.040 And people are so, white people who have been doing their best their entire lives to not 0.59

01:31:21.080 be racist and to be supportive of black community, to be supportive of black artists.

01:31:26.500 My, my favorite comedians are black and have been my whole life.

01:31:30.860 Well, the most popular ones are.

01:31:32.020 Yeah.

01:31:32.400 Like the best.

01:31:33.140 And they're the most popular, the most popular musicians.

01:31:35.540 Like, I feel like there's a lot of like support of black culture.

01:31:39.700 I see that a lot more than I see stuff like this anymore.

01:31:43.560 Correct.

01:31:44.240 Because this exists.

01:31:45.460 I'm not saying it doesn't.

01:31:46.580 But it's so small.

01:31:47.800 And you're making the rest of us who aren't that way.

01:31:50.980 You're making us angry, not at black people, but you're making us angry at this repeated 0.99

01:31:55.700 beating us over the head with a narrative that doesn't apply to us that you keep putting

01:32:00.520 us into.

01:32:01.320 And I think you're going to have a lot of people that are going to vote in, uh, in the

01:32:06.360 election against the media.

01:32:08.660 Yeah.

01:32:09.060 And I don't know what that vote looks like for them, but I think a lot of people don't 0.99

01:32:13.040 care who the candidates are, but if they can find a way to vote against shit like this, 0.99

01:32:17.560 that's what they want to vote. 0.99

01:32:18.380 You said it right, bro.

01:32:18.960 They're beating you in the head with a narrative that doesn't apply to you.

01:32:22.020 And so it infuriates people like me to go, you're saying that you're, it's like you're

01:32:27.020 saying, I need to have this conversation about racists. 1.00

01:32:31.000 I already know there's racist pieces of shit. 1.00

01:32:33.240 Yeah. 1.00

01:32:33.480 I don't need, fuck them. 1.00

01:32:34.960 The conversation needs to have, look how many people in our communities, at least the ones 1.00

01:32:39.400 that I live in or my friendship circle, people that I'm a part of that are supportive of

01:32:43.060 other cultures and races and we get along and we enjoy one another's company.

01:32:46.560 If you put that image out more, don't you think that does better?

01:32:49.720 Don't you think it does better to show us interacting with other cultures and races

01:32:52.600 versus going, this happens all the time.

01:32:54.820 This is happening on a daily basis.

01:32:56.420 No, I have enough black friends that have told me they get treated differently in different

01:33:00.960 situations.

01:33:01.800 Yeah.

01:33:02.020 I, they have to my face been like, no, when I walk into this kind of place, I get treated

01:33:06.300 like this.

01:33:06.800 That's right.

01:33:07.600 It happens.

01:33:08.440 Right.

01:33:08.660 But this is once again, that is a small amount of people who are outwardly racist and do

01:33:15.360 racist things.

01:33:16.060 Right.

01:33:16.400 I'm not talking about subconscious racism.

01:33:17.880 I'm not talking about when you, when you, when someone says they see a black guy in a

01:33:22.480 nice car and they go, well, he must be a rapper or an athlete, you know, in their mind, they

01:33:26.360 go, he can't just be a lawyer.

01:33:27.660 Right.

01:33:28.060 That's subconscious racism that people have.

01:33:29.880 I'm talking about, this is blatant, obvious, get my kid out of the pool. 0.97

01:33:33.880 There's a black guy in the pool. 0.74

01:33:35.280 Well, this, I just don't believe that this is rampant.

01:33:38.560 I just, and maybe it is in certain parts of the world, but our country, but I got to 0.98

01:33:42.020 tell you that ain't the fucking majority. 0.95

01:33:44.220 No, it's not at all. 0.99

01:33:45.220 Dude.

01:33:45.400 I was in Oklahoma.

01:33:46.420 We were touring.

01:33:46.940 We stopped in Oklahoma at a lake, right?

01:33:48.480 This is one small little bitty example.

01:33:50.100 We stopped in a place where if you showed pictures of the place to anybody in, uh, in

01:33:57.140 one of the coastal cities, they'd be like, Oh man, you know, I bet there's, you know,

01:34:02.220 I bet there racism everywhere.

01:34:04.220 Right.

01:34:04.540 We went out and stopped and went swimming in the side of this lake.

01:34:07.140 Right.

01:34:07.540 And it was mostly white people.

01:34:09.100 They had three black kids there or two black children that seemed full black, fully African

01:34:15.000 American.

01:34:15.420 And then one black kid that seemed black and white.

01:34:17.840 It was mixed.

01:34:18.540 Yeah.

01:34:18.720 And they were part of the, they had a black and white couple and then they had a, one

01:34:24.240 of the kids had been adopted and it was like they, nobody there was doing, there was

01:34:29.040 no race.

01:34:29.940 Everybody's having a good time.

01:34:31.500 Like that's so much more of what I've seen in my life.

01:34:35.420 Same.

01:34:36.100 Um, I see more of that than I see the other side.

01:34:38.180 And we traveled the country. 0.99

01:34:39.420 When somebody goes, you're a California liberal, you don't fucking know. 0.99

01:34:42.880 What do you mean? 0.99

01:34:43.420 I lived on planes for 10 years going to every part of this country, seeing all different

01:34:47.500 cultures.

01:34:47.940 And yeah, there are people that are, that have hate in their heart.

01:34:51.120 They exist, but you can't help that as much as you can't help anything else.

01:34:55.460 It's like, that's going to, ignorance will exist.

01:34:57.800 But I think the message we need to show people is people getting along with other people.

01:35:02.440 We need positivity in this shitty time.

01:35:04.980 Show people interacting with people of other race.

01:35:07.200 Procter and Gamble put out a commercial about how we're doing our best to be one, to 0.92

01:35:12.120 be a race of humans instead of this fucking great divide, you know, instead of, you 0.96

01:35:17.380 know, cause it's not even real, bro. 0.99

01:35:19.200 That's the thing.

01:35:19.900 I know.

01:35:20.320 The divide is not even real.

01:35:21.880 No, they've made it, they've made it more of a thing.

01:35:24.060 Yeah.

01:35:24.520 The news wins when you do that.

01:35:25.820 That's a scary thing.

01:35:26.740 Well, look at, we'll look at what they did in Portland. 0.99

01:35:28.320 You know, this is, it's a fucking war in Portland and, you know, look up the fucking 0.99

01:35:31.700 stats of Portland. 0.99

01:35:32.380 I just looked it up the other day.

01:35:33.400 You know, it's like, but it's also like these storming the streets for, for, for Black 1.00

01:35:39.720 Lives Matter. 0.98

01:35:40.600 I understand why people are protesting, but you look up Portland, Oregon on fucking Wikipedia 1.00

01:35:47.220 and you're like the inherent fucking racist past of Portland, Oregon. 0.99

01:35:52.320 You want to talk about, go Google it of railroad workers that were black, that were basically 1.00

01:35:56.880 socially enslaved in this fucking city for years. 0.98

01:36:00.120 And it's, and it's one of the highest percentages of all white communities in the United States. 1.00

01:36:05.120 There's all these fucking loud, angry white people with no black friends, with no black 0.99

01:36:09.300 communities near them, but they're mad at things they have no connection to. 1.00

01:36:12.740 And you're like, how real can it be when you've never lived with any other race? 0.99

01:36:17.700 Do you really know what you're talking about?

01:36:19.700 That's the thing.

01:36:20.180 I've always said that.

01:36:21.180 Like, how do you know? 1.00

01:36:21.980 You don't fucking live among, it's like 79% fucking white or something insane. 1.00

01:36:25.760 You're like, what? 1.00

01:36:27.460 I just like, you're the most segregated fucking city in the United States. 1.00

01:36:31.600 You're the most mad. 1.00

01:36:32.500 I don't understand. 0.88

01:36:33.300 Like, I don't get it. 1.00

01:36:34.960 That kind of stuff blows my fucking brain. 1.00

01:36:37.660 That's crazy, man. 1.00

01:36:38.900 I just, I just, I get frustrated because I'm like.

01:36:41.460 Yeah, no, it's frustrating.

01:36:42.400 They're divided.

01:36:43.100 We should be coming together as one, dude.

01:36:45.460 We should be a group.

01:36:45.760 Because that's what we're actually doing in real life.

01:36:48.520 We are coming together.

01:36:49.800 Yeah.

01:36:50.240 Bro, you watch sport, like we are, in reality, we are coming together.

01:36:54.360 You look at younger generation, all their friend groups.

01:36:57.080 I feel like a lot of their friend groups are really mixed.

01:36:59.240 Same.

01:36:59.560 I see that all the time.

01:37:00.280 All the time. 0.98

01:37:00.820 But why isn't that on Procter and fucking Gamble? 0.98

01:37:03.080 I don't know. 0.98

01:37:03.560 That's what my point is.

01:37:04.260 It's like, we need to push that narrative more for us to be like, yo, we're trying to

01:37:08.380 get, we're trying as a community to grow.

01:37:10.320 And most people do, I think.

01:37:11.620 Yeah.

01:37:11.860 Andrew, I think a lot of people choose.

01:37:13.780 We can choose to.

01:37:14.740 And I, there are moments in the week where I choose to want to get angry.

01:37:18.060 Yeah, me too.

01:37:18.560 And so I go to find those things to make me that way.

01:37:21.280 But we need to not anymore.

01:37:22.360 I think, and we're trying, and we can do better.

01:37:24.340 Yeah, we can.

01:37:24.580 That's what we can do better.

01:37:25.520 Yeah. 1.00

01:37:25.840 Is not imbibe in their bullshit. 1.00

01:37:27.880 Right. 1.00

01:37:28.160 It's just push it to the side.

01:37:29.980 Yeah.

01:37:30.580 If I want to be racist, I'll be racist against Dan Brendan. 1.00

01:37:32.840 He's fucking half British, I found out yesterday. 1.00

01:37:34.740 Is he really? 1.00

01:37:35.340 Yeah.

01:37:35.740 And you know you can't trust those?

01:37:37.440 I mean, you can trust them, but it's documented that it's risky.

01:37:40.100 It's very risky.

01:37:41.360 It has a bad history.

01:37:42.440 He's half British? 0.94

01:37:43.780 Dude, his aunt has an accent. 1.00

01:37:46.100 Oh, fuck. 1.00

01:37:47.960 Really? 1.00

01:37:48.960 Yeah.

01:37:49.920 Good day, bro.

01:37:52.140 Chip, chip, period.

01:37:53.760 Good day.

01:37:54.840 Clean out the chimney, bub. 0.91

01:37:57.720 That's his aunt, dude. 0.99

01:37:58.840 Putting a thicky thick up on the roof, dude, with a damn feather deal. 0.99

01:38:04.620 Dude, I've got to come on Whiskey Ginger. 0.98

01:38:06.160 Yeah, you've got to come on.

01:38:06.840 You've got to come on.

01:38:07.400 I want to have you on so we can sit and talk.

01:38:09.260 Yeah, I want to come on in a couple weeks.

01:38:10.440 Talk to an old school shop.

01:38:10.900 Yeah.

01:38:11.280 Do they have non-alcoholic whiskey, I wonder?

01:38:13.660 They have de-alkalized wine.

01:38:18.440 They have soju that's de-alkalized.

01:38:20.600 I don't know.

01:38:20.960 I'm going to find some.

01:38:21.680 I'll find some whiskey that's de-alkalized.

01:38:23.260 We'll try it.

01:38:23.520 They have to have something, huh?

01:38:24.140 Yeah, they've got to have something that's close to it.

01:38:25.760 Alcohol-free whiskey.

01:38:26.600 There you go.

01:38:26.980 They've got to have something.

01:38:28.040 Let's order one right now if we can, Nick.

01:38:30.160 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

01:38:30.560 And then I'll bring it in.

01:38:31.880 That's great.

01:38:33.120 I'll bring it in.

01:38:33.560 It's called Ritual.

01:38:33.840 Zero proof.

01:38:34.680 It is?

01:38:35.180 That's a good name.

01:38:36.360 And I'll make you an old-fashioned or something.

01:38:37.900 Ooh, yeah.

01:38:38.660 Yeah, we'll make something good.

01:38:39.640 Get a bottle, dude.

01:38:40.220 I'll come in.

01:38:40.600 Yeah, I want to come in.

01:38:41.260 I'll come in in a couple weeks.

01:38:42.060 I think it'll be really fun.

01:38:43.120 And we won't yell about what's going on in the news as much.

01:38:45.140 It's just that my passion got real.

01:38:46.680 It's okay, man.

01:38:47.840 Well, it's just last night rubbed me the wrong way.

01:38:50.060 And then you know what's so funny?

01:38:56.980 I was mad for a little bit, and then I was like, that's fine.

01:39:00.260 Life is okay.

01:39:01.860 Right.

01:39:02.100 Animals will show you that life is fine.

01:39:04.480 Right. 0.99

01:39:05.440 They just show you that they're like, no, it's fucking, we're going to be okay. 0.99

01:39:08.620 We just keep functioning the way that we function. 1.00

01:39:10.520 You don't need to worry about other people's bullshit. 0.99

01:39:12.980 It's really true, man. 1.00

01:39:14.200 It's like, yeah, it's always that.

01:39:16.220 It's just like, do what you can do.

01:39:17.800 Yeah.

01:39:18.560 Do what you can do.

01:39:19.520 Try your best.

01:39:20.620 We're all going to die.

01:39:22.280 So have some fun.

01:39:23.660 Figure it out.

01:39:24.700 Be as cool as you can.

01:39:25.900 Yeah, be a part of it.

01:39:26.700 Yeah, try your, yeah, just try to be a part of something that's a little different, you

01:39:30.140 know?

01:39:30.340 Sometimes it's tough, you know?

01:39:31.820 Yeah.

01:39:32.140 Sometimes you grow up with stereotypes.

01:39:34.580 Dude, like I grew up, yeah, we didn't, they didn't have any wealthy black people when I

01:39:37.480 was growing up, except for some athletes.

01:39:39.380 Right.

01:39:39.820 So then I would get older, and when I would see a black guy in a nice car, I would think,

01:39:44.180 oh, is that guy, at a, for a certain age, I would think, oh, that guy must be an art,

01:39:48.460 a musician, or an athlete.

01:39:50.120 Right, because you never saw anything else.

01:39:51.940 It was the only thing, it was the only way black people could get ahead. 1.00

01:39:55.880 Right.

01:39:56.280 But now, in places you see a black guy, it's not, you don't think the same thing.

01:40:01.280 No, well, if you live in an area that has thriving culture, yeah, yeah, it helps to live in a

01:40:05.360 place where you go, a major metropolitan area, when you see people have millions of different

01:40:09.820 careers, and there's not just one way to get out of a, either impoverished or lower socioeconomic

01:40:14.720 place, right?

01:40:15.360 Yeah.

01:40:15.480 You, when you see it, you learn it, you grow.

01:40:18.240 Yeah. 0.99

01:40:18.520 The more you fucking travel, the more you meet more people, and I don't mean travel to, 0.99

01:40:22.300 like, I'm vacationing in France, I mean, go two states over. 1.00

01:40:25.400 Yeah.

01:40:25.680 Go see how other people live in different places, you automatically learn inherently that

01:40:29.800 your view of culture is not the, it's your little telescope is all you see in your hometown. 0.99

01:40:34.960 When you leave that, and you go to other places, you go, fuck, they don't function like 1.00

01:40:37.940 that. 1.00

01:40:38.300 Right.

01:40:38.440 They don't feel this way.

01:40:39.660 It's, it's worth it.

01:40:40.540 And that's one thing that's great, I think, about the whole Black Lives Matter movement

01:40:43.080 is it does, it has made me examine how do I look at other races and cultures, like,

01:40:51.240 just to make sure, like, check in and be like, do you have a different, do you have, like,

01:40:55.980 preconceived notions when you see a black guy?

01:40:58.300 Sure.

01:40:58.660 Like, just from your own stereotypes over the years, or your own experiences.

01:41:02.940 Do you have preconceived notions about anybody?

01:41:04.680 I think there's been some.

01:41:06.060 I notice a little bit where I'm like, I'm a little bit more pensive sometimes when I

01:41:10.000 see black people.

01:41:10.600 I have a fear just from my own experiences growing up. 0.75

01:41:13.200 Right.

01:41:13.440 You know, growing up like a.

01:41:14.800 But I don't think that's racist as much as that is just your, your, your childhood.

01:41:18.420 Right.

01:41:18.920 Agreed.

01:41:19.340 I agree.

01:41:19.940 Right.

01:41:20.140 But also it's good, like, some of this movement has made me stop and look and say, hey, man,

01:41:26.020 you can do, you can try to be, to not carry those sometimes.

01:41:30.800 Totally.

01:41:31.220 You can try to, because people can feel that energy.

01:41:33.880 And I don't have, I mean, I have black friends.

01:41:35.580 You know, I have, like, I don't always have it, but there's moments where it's like,

01:41:40.120 hey, man, you know, recognize that you're just kind of having maybe a little bit of

01:41:43.820 that flare up or a little bit of stereotype and see if you could just not, you know, try

01:41:47.620 to let it be, you know?

01:41:48.780 Well, yeah, because you know that.

01:41:51.000 So that's one thing that's great about this.

01:41:52.560 I do think is that it does.

01:41:55.120 It helps people be introspective.

01:41:56.900 Yes.

01:41:57.200 Yeah.

01:41:57.300 You should look inside yourself.

01:41:58.440 And I think that's a positive thing.

01:42:00.020 A hundred percent.

01:42:00.300 Because you know that any flaw you have doesn't come from hate.

01:42:02.820 Yeah.

01:42:03.040 Right?

01:42:03.420 That's the difference.

01:42:04.380 That's why I'm asking people to let people grow.

01:42:06.320 Yeah.

01:42:06.600 It's like, I'm sure it doesn't come from hate.

01:42:08.140 I'm sure it comes from ignorance or misinformation or a lack of interaction.

01:42:15.060 That's okay.

01:42:16.120 Let's let people grow, though.

01:42:17.660 Yeah. 1.00

01:42:17.920 Because otherwise, we're fucked. 1.00

01:42:20.440 What is this? 1.00

01:42:20.740 We're all going to be canceled.

01:42:21.480 What's this?

01:42:21.860 Zero proof?

01:42:22.120 Oh, you bought it.

01:42:22.820 Oh, I like it.

01:42:23.640 Hey, man.

01:42:24.140 I like it.

01:42:24.440 We can't put, yeah, I like that.

01:42:25.740 Well, I want to get you on.

01:42:26.800 Zero proof.

01:42:27.720 Zero proof.

01:42:28.480 I want that zero proof Coke.

01:42:29.300 By the way, I'm excited to see what it, can we get some zero proof Coke, Nick?

01:42:32.240 Will you order that as well?

01:42:33.160 Dude, we can get some B12, actually, and do that powder.

01:42:35.260 Let's do some B12.

01:42:36.100 Yeah.

01:42:36.240 That's what you do on TV when you sniff Coke.

01:42:37.860 Yeah.

01:42:38.380 I've done it before.

01:42:39.280 Dude, I did some, I did some, a pilot like a year and a half ago, and they had it, and

01:42:43.220 it was like these two, like, 15-year-old girls doing it at this pool, and I went over

01:42:46.600 there and did about eight lines of it, dude.

01:42:48.840 These are the good old days?

01:42:49.920 Oh, yeah, bro. 0.99

01:42:50.960 I've been, yeah, pissed like a fucking straight up wizard, dude. 0.98

01:42:53.640 Like a water wizard the rest of that day. 0.98

01:42:55.540 The B12 does, it does kind of give you a little tickle, though.

01:42:59.040 Oh, look at you going.

01:42:59.220 Like, it does wake you up a little bit.

01:43:00.920 Oh, yeah.

01:43:01.000 It's a little baby bump.

01:43:02.160 Yeah, it is.

01:43:02.720 It's like, whoa, whoa, what about, oh, okay.

01:43:05.000 It's only a couple seconds, but then it goes away.

01:43:07.680 Yeah, we'll have you on.

01:43:08.440 We'll drink some Zero Proof.

01:43:10.020 I'm in.

01:43:10.580 Yeah.

01:43:10.960 The world will be a better place, too.

01:43:13.360 It will, man.

01:43:14.580 Check Andrew out on Bad Friends and Whiskey Ginger.

01:43:17.060 Thanks so much, dude.

01:43:17.740 Thank you, dude.

01:43:18.140 I appreciate it.

01:43:18.620 Yeah, thank you, bro.

01:43:19.300 Now, I'm just floating on the breeze, and I feel I'm falling like these leaves.

01:43:25.260 I must be cornerstone.

01:43:30.460 Oh, but when I reach that ground, I'll share this peace of mind I found.

01:43:35.980 I can feel it in my bones.

01:43:40.260 But it's going to take a little time for me to set that parking brake.

01:43:48.700 And let myself unwind Shine that light on me

01:43:55.660 I'll sit and tell you my stories

01:44:01.660 Shine on me

01:44:06.340 And I will find a song

01:44:10.580 I will sing it just for you

01:44:13.980 And now I've been moving way too fast

01:44:21.520 On a runaway train

01:44:22.900 With a heavy load of my past

01:44:25.940 And these rails that I've been riding on

01:44:31.980 They weren't so thin that they're damn near gone

01:44:34.740 I guess now they just weren't built in

01:44:37.440 Ladies and gentlemen, I'm Jonathan Kite

01:44:40.840 And welcome to Kite Club

01:44:42.160 A podcast where I'll be sharing thoughts

01:44:44.400 On things like current events

01:44:45.820 Stand-up stories

01:44:47.040 And seven ways to pleasure your partner

01:44:49.360 The answer may shock you

01:44:51.260 Sometimes I'll interview my friends

01:44:53.280 Sometimes I won't

01:44:54.600 And as always, I'll be joined by the voices in my head

01:44:58.080 You have three new voice messages

01:45:00.980 A lot of people are talking about Kite Club

01:45:03.980 I've been talking about Kite Club for so long

01:45:06.780 Longer than anybody else

01:45:08.400 So great

01:45:09.200 Hi, sweet

01:45:10.780 Here's a deal

01:45:12.240 Anyone who doesn't listen to Kite Club 1.00

01:45:14.720 Is a dodgy bloody wanker 1.00

01:45:16.760 Jermaine 1.00

01:45:17.440 I'll take a quarter pounder with cheese

01:45:20.740 And a McFlurry

01:45:21.760 Sorry sir, but our ice cream machine is broken

01:45:23.620 I think Tom Hanks just butt dialed me

01:45:28.580 Anyway, first rule of Kite Club is

01:45:30.980 Tell everyone about Kite Club

01:45:32.700 Second rule of Kite Club is

01:45:34.640 Tell everyone about Kite Club

01:45:36.880 Third rule

01:45:37.660 Like and subscribe wherever you listen to podcasts

01:45:40.560 Or watch us on YouTube, yeah?

01:45:42.900 And yes, don't worry

01:45:43.940 My Brad Pitt impression will get better

This Past Weekend with Theo Von - August 03, 2020

E290 Andrew Santino 3

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