This Past Weekend with Theo Von - E303 Jo Koy 3

00:00:00.200 Today's episode is brought to you by Magic Mind.

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00:00:09.760 And you can drink it, you can devour it.

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00:00:18.400 Oh yeah.

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00:00:24.260 Use promo code Theo for 10% off.

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00:00:31.020 Today's episode features a beautiful man.

00:00:33.920 And this is a comedy man.

00:00:35.480 And he's got so many big things happening in his life.

00:00:38.400 I think I'm just amazed we're even able to have him in here today.

00:00:42.780 And he's a man of comedy and you know him from Netflix and television.

00:00:46.780 Ladies and gentlemen, my friend, Mr. Joe Coy.

00:00:56.980 I've been dating a girl on and off for a couple years.

00:01:25.540 And then now I think we're not dating.

00:01:27.120 So I'm just chilling.

00:01:28.240 So are you in your head a lot?

00:01:29.360 Like, do you hear words underneath sentences?

00:01:31.860 Or do you like, it's kind of like paranoia because we're in a certain position now.

00:01:36.640 Does that make sense?

00:01:38.040 Like, what do you mean?

00:01:39.060 Like, okay.

00:01:39.640 Like, I know, I know that I, like I make a certain amount of money.

00:01:45.080 I know a lot of people.

00:01:47.200 You know what I mean?

00:01:47.780 Like, we're not looked at the same way.

00:01:50.760 This is going to sound so arrogant.

00:01:52.100 I don't want to sound, come across arrogant.

00:01:54.320 I don't think you could sound arrogant though.

00:01:55.860 I think some people could sound arrogant.

00:01:57.700 I don't think it's something that you could do.

00:02:00.240 So I think no matter what you say, it's coming from a place where it's like, okay, I'm just

00:02:03.640 trying to share what I'm feeling.

00:02:05.080 That's how I feel.

00:02:06.060 So it hinders my dating life.

00:02:08.620 Really?

00:02:09.260 Yeah, man.

00:02:10.180 And I, and I hate it because I, my trust is so it's, I've been burned a lot by, you know,

00:02:17.000 by people I've dated.

00:02:18.660 And then, and then, and just like my trust is just so bad.

00:02:21.880 Like, what are you in this for?

00:02:23.740 Why are you with me?

00:02:25.020 Why?

00:02:25.460 Like, there's only one person I really trust.

00:02:27.320 And that's my son's mom. 0.89

00:02:29.220 She was with me when I had fucked up teeth, when I was working at Nordstrom Rack and Borders 0.98

00:02:34.880 books, doing coke, working at. 0.97

00:02:38.920 Uh, some Marina Del Rey cleaning yachts and then running over to Laugh Factory and doing

00:02:44.060 stage time.

00:02:44.800 So she was there.

00:02:46.000 Yeah.

00:02:46.600 I trust her.

00:02:47.980 I don't trust anyone that came after this.

00:02:50.740 That's wild. 0.99

00:02:51.500 It sucks, man. 1.00

00:02:51.640 It really sucks. 1.00

00:02:52.400 Do you, sometimes I, do you feel bad for not like committing to the, to the mom? 0.98

00:02:59.320 Oh, to the mom?

00:03:01.100 No, I think we both have like a great understanding.

00:03:03.520 Man, we're, if anyone gets a divorce, her and I should write a book because we are the

00:03:08.640 greatest divorce couple of all time.

00:03:11.040 If my mom and dad could have just done what we did, I mean, we'd have a great life right

00:03:17.040 now.

00:03:17.260 Like I, like maybe I wouldn't be so PTSD about my, my childhood.

00:03:21.960 You know what I mean?

00:03:22.460 Yeah.

00:03:22.740 I wouldn't be so holding on to certain feelings that I've had, you know, with my mom and my

00:03:27.480 dad, you know?

00:03:28.700 Yeah.

00:03:29.100 It's damaging, man.

00:03:29.900 Like those relationships.

00:03:30.760 And then you start to exhibit the same relation, you, you, you exude and, and, and do the same

00:03:37.160 practices that were done to you.

00:03:38.540 And I was starting to Theo, when we first divorced, I was, I was being that guy, you know, I'll make 1.00

00:03:45.940 it hard for this bitch. 1.00

00:03:47.300 Oh yeah. 1.00

00:03:47.680 Yeah.

00:03:48.020 Why?

00:03:48.280 Yeah. 1.00

00:03:48.700 Struggle bitch. 1.00

00:03:49.740 Oh yeah. 1.00

00:03:50.320 I was like, I remember my mom's like, you remember how you felt when, ah shit. 0.95

00:03:54.560 I don't want to put that out there, but you know, I love my dad, you know what I mean? 0.90

00:03:57.800 But they, they were going through a time and I didn't see my dad and, um, and, and I don't

00:04:03.640 ever want my son to feel that feeling of the dad, not around and being a phone dad.

00:04:10.400 Happy birthday, son. 0.99

00:04:11.180 Like that fucking hurts, man. 1.00

00:04:13.060 Yeah. 0.99

00:04:13.500 And, um, and I see it with you.

00:04:15.000 That's why I, I don't know what I, you know, I, I don't dig into you, but when you do your,

00:04:19.840 like your single mom shows, that comes from a place, right? 1.00

00:04:23.560 Like, is it cause your mom was single?

00:04:25.320 Yeah.

00:04:25.540 My mom was single.

00:04:26.280 I think, yeah, I think sometimes, you know, we just sent some money out to some single

00:04:29.680 moms.

00:04:30.000 We'll like every now and then just write out some check, just nothing crazy.

00:04:32.680 A couple hundred bucks.

00:04:33.480 Just, you know, but that's so dope.

00:04:34.840 But we have like a little group that we kind of try to add to over the time.

00:04:38.360 But it's funny cause I was thinking the other day, like, why do we do like what?

00:04:41.700 And I think it's just like, I think cause I, I wish maybe somebody had like given my mom

00:04:47.400 some extra money to do something or, and not that these women even need it. 1.00

00:04:50.740 They might all be rich.

00:04:51.480 I have no idea.

00:04:52.220 But, um, but you're also setting a trend and starting something new.

00:04:56.640 Like as long as you can plant the seed, as long as like, you know, you have a beautiful

00:05:00.700 platform and you speak to a lot of people, a lot of kids too.

00:05:03.880 And if they see something like that, that's inspirational that, that teaches them not to,

00:05:09.000 you know, Oh, Theo did it.

00:05:10.120 I'm going to do it.

00:05:10.800 And that's, that's something I didn't have.

00:05:12.540 I don't know how old you are.

00:05:13.800 I'm older than you.

00:05:14.580 I'm 40 years old.

00:05:14.940 So I'm older than you.

00:05:15.860 Not by much, but, but enough to like during my time, I think divorce was new.

00:05:22.280 Oh wow.

00:05:22.960 You know what I mean?

00:05:23.540 I think divorce was new.

00:05:25.040 And was there shame with divorce then?

00:05:26.620 Yeah.

00:05:26.940 Like there was, that's when all the divorce courts started coming out and all the divorce 1.00

00:05:30.800 shows were coming out and, you know what I mean?

00:05:32.940 It was all new for everybody, you know?

00:05:34.700 And, and, and, and, you know, I don't, I don't, I don't get mad at my dad.

00:05:39.240 I, I, you know, I tell my dad, I love you so much all the time, but, um, I also tell

00:05:44.720 him I understand.

00:05:45.760 Yeah.

00:05:46.160 You know what I mean?

00:05:46.800 Like it was a different time.

00:05:48.000 Yeah.

00:05:48.140 It was a different time.

00:05:49.280 It was like their, their role models were like, had like drove like, um, Ford LTDs or

00:05:54.620 whatever.

00:05:55.100 Yeah.

00:05:55.420 They had a pistol.

00:05:56.380 Yeah.

00:05:56.800 Six shooters.

00:05:57.500 Yeah.

00:05:57.880 Six shooters with old bullets.

00:05:59.540 It was different.

00:06:00.140 Yeah.

00:06:00.460 It was a different time.

00:06:01.600 They always went off cause there was no safety.

00:06:03.200 You know what I mean?

00:06:04.280 No safety.

00:06:05.220 Cause that guy, right?

00:06:07.280 They always had uncles that told dirty jokes. 0.99

00:06:09.380 Oh, it was disgusting. 0.89

00:06:10.380 But there were dirty jokes that they got from a book.

00:06:12.540 Yeah.

00:06:12.960 Remember there was a book they used to sell.

00:06:14.360 It was like, I, they, they used to have like the worst dirty books.

00:06:17.860 I remember going there as a kid and say, do you, do you know what I'm talking about?

00:06:21.180 I don't remember that.

00:06:22.240 I remember.

00:06:22.700 I'm like truly tasteless books.

00:06:24.380 Please look it up, Nick.

00:06:25.780 Look it up, Nick.

00:06:26.880 When I was a kid.

00:06:27.840 Thanks bud.

00:06:28.180 I remember a kid came to the school and this thing called the truly tasteless.

00:06:32.380 Oh, joke.

00:06:33.660 And was he hiding it from the adult?

00:06:35.080 Oh, it was.

00:06:35.640 Yeah.

00:06:36.060 It was, it was, it was like a satanic book.

00:06:38.820 You know what I mean?

00:06:39.280 And we all gathered around during lunch and we all pulled it out and just died, died laughing.

00:06:45.500 The most crudest, nastiest things you could ever read.

00:06:49.120 We used to have a fella.

00:06:50.180 We used to pay to had a dude who you'd pay him a couple of dollars and he would draw you 0.96

00:06:53.440 a piece of little crotch at recess. 0.81

00:06:56.440 This dude, Nick, bro. 0.98

00:06:57.800 I mean, was it Nick was his name?

00:06:59.500 What was his name, Nick?

00:07:00.440 And Nick was the rapper.

00:07:03.940 I don't remember this guy's name.

00:07:05.540 That's it. 1.00

00:07:05.680 But yeah, man, for a couple of dollars, he sketched you out a beautiful piece of ass. 1.00

00:07:08.860 And it just looked like it, huh? 1.00

00:07:10.840 Bro, and if you had one of those, you were good for the weekend, you know?

00:07:13.800 You were, if you had a couple of dollars to get you a little sketch, bro.

00:07:17.300 Yes, man.

00:07:17.820 And I remember I used to bike across town to go, they had this man and he, he had a family.

00:07:26.000 Yeah.

00:07:26.340 And I would go over to his house and I was like buddies with his son and they had pornography

00:07:32.240 up under the sink.

00:07:33.460 Yeah.

00:07:33.940 That's where it was.

00:07:34.660 Oh, and I'd bike five miles over to their house on the weekend.

00:07:38.080 Who did it?

00:07:38.480 To go to the bathroom to pretend I was pooping for like an hour.

00:07:42.220 Oh, and it was massive, right?

00:07:43.460 It was a massive poop, but you didn't even poop?

00:07:45.480 Yeah, dude. 0.99

00:07:46.460 And I'm just in there just jerking off and feeling sorry about myself. 0.85

00:07:51.460 Then I had to come out of the bathroom and pretend to be friends with their son for a while. 0.92

00:07:55.680 Yeah.

00:07:55.860 And then you also had to let your semi go down.

00:07:58.320 Oh.

00:07:58.980 Because just because you're done, it doesn't, it's not, it doesn't go back to its resting place.

00:08:03.840 Uh-uh.

00:08:04.500 It still has a lot of energy, a little life.

00:08:07.440 Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:08:08.320 You're still kind of excited too.

00:08:09.720 You think you could probably do it again.

00:08:11.340 Oh, yeah, you're ready.

00:08:12.280 Like I'm just, yeah, I'm just waiting.

00:08:13.680 I'm like building up steam to get back in there, you know?

00:08:17.440 My friend's dad had a stack of magazines in his bathroom and I always wanted to use his

00:08:23.120 dad's bathroom.

00:08:24.300 Yeah.

00:08:24.540 It was on top of the, you know, the tank and it was like Sports Illustrated, Sports Illustrated

00:08:29.000 and then another magazine, Mechanics, Popular Mechanics and then, and then the goodies.

00:08:33.480 Tits only. 0.97

00:08:34.360 Oh, yeah.

00:08:35.620 Jugs.

00:08:36.140 Oh.

00:08:36.820 Jugs.

00:08:37.580 Yeah.

00:08:38.120 And he just had to use, he had to remember what magazine was on top.

00:08:40.860 Yes.

00:08:41.300 Remember all that?

00:08:42.220 You had to pull it out slowly.

00:08:43.780 Be careful.

00:08:44.240 Don't bend any pages.

00:08:45.440 Uh-uh.

00:08:46.080 Set it down on the ground.

00:08:47.720 Set it down.

00:08:48.800 Ugh.

00:08:49.220 Don't get it wet.

00:08:50.460 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:08:51.100 Don't get it wet.

00:08:53.800 Bro, all of the, and your favorite, and the dad wouldn't have noticed any of that probably

00:08:58.100 unless it was on top.

00:08:59.160 As long as you didn't put it back on top.

00:09:00.300 Oh, if you put it on top, it's done.

00:09:02.140 Ugh.

00:09:02.820 The whole mission is done.

00:09:04.940 Then you blame it on your friend.

00:09:06.340 Your friend did it.

00:09:07.080 Yeah.

00:09:07.520 He did it. 1.00

00:09:08.240 And then the dad's like, oh, my son is a piece of shit. 1.00

00:09:11.060 Yeah. 1.00

00:09:11.940 Your son is.

00:09:12.920 Yeah.

00:09:13.240 Because I had no idea about these magazines.

00:09:14.940 Which ones?

00:09:16.240 Jugs.

00:09:17.300 What is it about?

00:09:17.820 Milk?

00:09:18.520 Yeah.

00:09:18.760 What is it about?

00:09:19.140 Shopping?

00:09:19.460 Is it about gallons of milk?

00:09:20.120 Is it Instacart?

00:09:21.140 What?

00:09:21.740 What are you talking about?

00:09:22.900 I cleaned my son's bed.

00:09:24.740 I had to throw his bed away.

00:09:25.880 He's had this bed.

00:09:27.460 By the way, Theo, you don't have kids, right?

00:09:28.880 No, I don't have any kids, man.

00:09:29.860 I would like to have a kid, though.

00:09:31.040 I'm putting that out there, man.

00:09:32.900 Nice.

00:09:33.480 You're going to love it, by the way.

00:09:34.500 Really?

00:09:34.980 Oh, it's the greatest thing in the world is having a kid.

00:09:38.300 The saddest part is when they get old or older, they want to throw things away.

00:09:44.920 And it's like you're throwing your heart in the garbage.

00:09:48.260 So my son wanted to rearrange his room.

00:09:50.660 He's had this room.

00:09:52.180 There's Michael Jordan stuff everywhere.

00:09:54.820 It's from six to whatever.

00:09:58.760 He's got all these things that I bought, and now it's just in the way, because now he's

00:10:02.820 into making beats, so he wants to clear.

00:10:04.600 Yeah, you want that fang sweat. 0.96

00:10:06.360 Yeah, man.

00:10:07.160 And I'm telling you, I was crying on the inside, but I'm not showing him any emotion.

00:10:12.100 I'm just like, yeah, throw it.

00:10:13.400 Yep.

00:10:14.060 Yeah.

00:10:14.360 Let's get that out, man.

00:10:15.600 Yeah, get that out of here, man. 0.99

00:10:16.440 Let's fucking get, yeah. 0.99

00:10:17.340 Yeah, let's get you a chair. 0.99

00:10:19.840 Yeah.

00:10:20.180 Yeah.

00:10:20.960 But I'm crying.

00:10:22.080 It kills me, bro.

00:10:23.660 But anyways, so I bought him this, what is it called?

00:10:27.780 Tempur-Pedic mattress bed?

00:10:28.900 Whatever it's called, right?

00:10:29.860 Oh, yeah, that's nice there.

00:10:30.300 But it's a sofa bed.

00:10:32.620 So it looks like a red sofa, but when you open, it's Tempur-Pedic.

00:10:36.040 It's an amazing hideaway couch.

00:10:39.020 Yeah, I've never seen anything like that.

00:10:40.320 It's amazing.

00:10:41.260 When you lay on it, it doesn't feel like one of those regular couch beds.

00:10:44.760 It feels like a bed.

00:10:46.180 He's had it forever, but my son's sick of it, right?

00:10:48.940 He wants it out.

00:10:50.220 So we got rid of it. 1.00

00:10:51.360 Damn. 1.00

00:10:51.660 Bro, the mayhem that's underneath this bed. 1.00

00:10:57.840 Because there was no way you could move this.

00:10:59.180 It was so massive.

00:11:00.340 When we finally got the guys to move it, and we all looked at the ground, and I'm like,

00:11:04.260 Joe.

00:11:04.740 Like a time capsule.

00:11:05.720 Bro.

00:11:07.120 What was it?

00:11:07.760 Like all kind of-

00:11:08.160 It was socks.

00:11:09.400 Ugh.

00:11:10.000 It was- 0.94

00:11:11.040 Did it feel semen? 0.76

00:11:12.240 Kleenex. 0.66

00:11:12.740 Did it have a semenish vibe?

00:11:14.040 Everything.

00:11:14.400 Everything was a DNA episode.

00:11:17.580 Everything was like a-

00:11:18.840 What was that?

00:11:19.680 CSI.

00:11:20.160 A CSI episode.

00:11:21.780 It was just everywhere.

00:11:23.580 I took pictures of it, video.

00:11:25.580 Drew a chalk outliner on each sock.

00:11:27.180 Oh, each sock.

00:11:28.220 Yeah.

00:11:28.680 Just billions dead.

00:11:29.900 Yeah.

00:11:30.340 Murder.

00:11:30.860 This is a mass murder.

00:11:31.860 Dude, I can't believe, and this is something that's probably obtuse, but something that's

00:11:36.940 coming soon is that, think of all of the value, the nutritional and value that it's

00:11:44.000 in semen, if you really think about it. 0.99

00:11:45.640 Yeah, no shit. 1.00

00:11:46.840 And people are just- 0.99

00:11:47.900 Just tossing it.

00:11:49.020 Dude.

00:11:49.660 Bro, it's so much- 1.00

00:11:50.720 People toss it and then go have some fucking ruffles. 0.99

00:11:52.460 You know what I'm saying? 0.99

00:11:53.320 Like the total opposite.

00:11:56.320 Some dude's just-

00:11:57.220 Bro, you have, you actually have the- 0.99

00:12:00.860 You actually have the ingredients to make a human, and you fucking throw it on the floor 0.97

00:12:07.600 and just grab a drumstick, and you're trying to get the chocolate from the bottom of the 0.99

00:12:12.380 cone. 0.99

00:12:12.900 You still have a little semen on your hair. 0.99

00:12:14.160 Oh, yeah. 0.99

00:12:16.920 Praise God, brother.

00:12:18.780 What are we?

00:12:20.280 Monsters. 0.99

00:12:21.420 And we don't give a shit, bro. 1.00

00:12:22.960 No. 1.00

00:12:24.560 Oh, dude, they had this big guy who used to jerk off, and he'd bring it on the bus and 0.99

00:12:28.760 throw it at the kids when the bus went by. 0.99

00:12:30.380 No, we didn't.

00:12:30.940 Yeah.

00:12:31.820 This big red fella, this big ginger guy.

00:12:34.580 You know, sometimes your stories are so fast.

00:12:39.040 Yeah.

00:12:39.460 And so, there's so much detail that, like, people don't know if you're lying or not.

00:12:46.620 Well, I'm not lying, man.

00:12:47.420 I'll tell you about this.

00:12:47.960 Are you telling the truth all the time?

00:12:49.640 I'm telling the truth probably 95% of the time and 92%.

00:12:52.600 These are amazing stories.

00:12:54.020 Dude, and this handicapped kid would always try to catch it from him all the time, which 1.00

00:12:57.280 is the craziest part.

00:12:58.260 See, I don't know if that's the embellishment.

00:13:00.280 Uh-uh.

00:13:00.700 It's real?

00:13:01.700 Dude, this kid, they used to call him.

00:13:02.840 What was the handicapped kid's name?

00:13:04.040 They, I don't know his full name, but his nickname was Thundercat, TJ.

00:13:08.700 Thundercat Johnson, dude.

00:13:09.880 And they- 0.51

00:13:10.300 And he would try to catch semen out of the air. 0.76

00:13:12.200 He didn't know it was semen. 0.60

00:13:13.160 He just-

00:13:14.040 Thought it was candy.

00:13:14.780 Thought it was a buddy.

00:13:15.560 He thought it was a parade.

00:13:16.420 He would pretend like there were bands coming.

00:13:19.100 He was out there, man.

00:13:19.940 He was- 0.57

00:13:20.220 So the red guy would jerk off in his hand, toss it, and then in super slow-mo, Thundercat- 0.92

00:13:27.720 Oh, yeah. 0.93

00:13:28.460 Would just-

00:13:29.420 And he had a really-

00:13:30.180 Chariots of fire music.

00:13:31.380 He had that Chris Carter on him.

00:13:32.480 He had some hands on him.

00:13:33.200 I will say that.

00:13:34.680 And sometimes he would grab some.

00:13:36.200 He would grab some.

00:13:37.720 He'd catch enough.

00:13:38.580 I'll tell you that.

00:13:40.040 He'd catch enough to probably feel good about himself.

00:13:42.220 Yeah.

00:13:42.960 But that's the crazy thing.

00:13:44.000 You know, it's like, you know, one man's trash is another man's treasure, or whatever

00:13:48.920 they say.

00:13:49.540 Yeah, yeah.

00:13:50.020 And that's good product right there.

00:13:52.460 But think about the fact that we're just, like, you know, people are going to the store

00:13:57.200 and getting all of this macadamia and oyster, you know, cream for your-

00:14:01.920 And all of it.

00:14:02.620 And everybody's just-

00:14:03.680 Meanwhile, there are three kids in the back of the house are just blowing through the

00:14:07.980 best salve that God ever made, you know?

00:14:10.280 This will get rid of wrinkles.

00:14:12.320 You know what's crazy?

00:14:13.140 I was watching something on Ellen.

00:14:14.220 It's gross, but I feel like we're almost there.

00:14:16.180 No, I was watching something on Ellen, and Sandra Bullock was on, and she-

00:14:20.360 And Ellen was like, why don't you tell the people why your face is so beautiful and tight?

00:14:25.480 And then they said it was from, like, kids-

00:14:30.060 No, the circumcision.

00:14:32.660 Oh, that brisk meat.

00:14:33.660 They said that that's inside the makeup that she uses. 1.00

00:14:40.400 What?

00:14:41.720 And that's why we're going to hell, man.

00:14:44.160 That's-

00:14:44.640 Are you kidding me?

00:14:46.040 Oh.

00:14:47.620 That hurts me.

00:14:48.680 That-

00:14:49.120 That hurts me, man.

00:14:51.960 Thinking about that, they're cutting it off of people, sometimes adults, too.

00:14:55.140 That means there's a back-end business to the snipping.

00:14:57.940 Like, he's like, you know, this is good for your kid, and, you know, this will be cleaner

00:15:01.760 for that area, so I'll cut it off for this much, and then he charges them, and then when

00:15:05.440 he gets in his hand, he runs through the back door, he's like, I got two.

00:15:07.560 Yeah.

00:15:07.900 I got two.

00:15:08.780 I got two.

00:15:09.440 Like, he's selling tickets to a game.

00:15:11.020 Yeah, I got two of these.

00:15:11.960 I got two O-rings.

00:15:13.300 Who needs two? 1.00

00:15:14.160 Who needs two O-rings? 0.67

00:15:15.540 Who needs two of that frickin'- 1.00

00:15:16.660 Look at that.

00:15:17.040 Who wants that nine-month calamari, huh?

00:15:19.680 Extraction from a piece of skin that came from-

00:15:26.960 They're doing it to the south so they don't get ripped off.

00:15:29.840 Far, far away, and they somehow figured out how to extract- 0.51

00:15:33.360 It's foreskin from a Korean baby. 1.00

00:15:35.600 It's like- 0.99

00:15:36.200 There you go.

00:15:37.480 And you know what's the saddest?

00:15:38.820 Yo, what?

00:15:40.020 And they're saying it nonchalant.

00:15:41.860 Like, what?

00:15:42.820 And I'll ask you, since you're closer to this, really, element, is,

00:15:46.080 why would Koreans be more likely to give it up?

00:15:50.580 Why is that?

00:15:53.160 My best friend was Korean.

00:15:55.240 He wasn't circumcised.

00:15:56.660 I don't know why I just told you that.

00:15:59.040 Maybe he didn't want to sell it.

00:16:00.260 And he passed away?

00:16:02.080 No, not him.

00:16:03.480 He's still alive, but his brother did.

00:16:04.700 How'd you know that?

00:16:06.180 I don't know, man.

00:16:07.080 How did you know that?

00:16:08.080 You sounded like he passed away when you first started talking.

00:16:10.560 Oh, no, no.

00:16:11.380 He just held on to his meat.

00:16:14.480 Yeah, I wonder why.

00:16:18.840 I wonder why that they went Korean. 1.00

00:16:23.820 How do you get that?

00:16:24.780 Why did they go Korean? 1.00

00:16:25.900 I'll tell you this.

00:16:26.480 A brother ain't giving it up.

00:16:28.700 That's out the gate, dude.

00:16:29.820 You tell a brother we're going to carve a little bit of your meat off, bro.

00:16:32.680 And they're the ones who can spare it.

00:16:34.400 Yeah.

00:16:35.200 Meanwhile, they're hitting up a Korean guy who's got the frickin' 11th pinky out here. 0.98

00:16:40.720 And they fuckin' choppin' off 30% on him, bro. 1.00

00:16:44.500 Damn. 1.00

00:16:45.380 You're gonna cut that thing off. 1.00

00:16:46.380 I'm gonna make cufflinks out of it.

00:16:47.840 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:16:48.760 Right here.

00:16:49.780 We goin' out to you, honey?

00:16:51.140 Yeah, that's the move.

00:16:53.400 Those are nice cufflinks.

00:16:54.800 What is that?

00:16:55.140 That's me.

00:16:56.120 Yeah, that's me.

00:16:56.940 That's me.

00:16:57.500 Make your face nice and tight. 1.00

00:16:59.800 Keep you young, bitch. 1.00

00:17:01.200 Oh, yeah. 1.00

00:17:02.520 Let's keep...

00:17:03.020 We got a question right here from a beautiful couple right here.

00:17:04.980 Let's hear what they have to say.

00:17:05.800 Yo, from one Cajun-Asian couple to another, you and Joe, what do y'all, what Asian type

00:17:22.940 do you think is the sexiest?

00:17:26.240 Same time.

00:17:28.040 Gang, gang, buzz, buzz.

00:17:29.760 Wow, gang.

00:17:30.780 Let me think about that.

00:17:31.880 What type is the sexiest?

00:17:33.300 And you're Pinoy. 0.52

00:17:34.140 You're full Pinoy, aren't you? 0.99

00:17:34.920 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:17:35.440 Well, no, I'm half.

00:17:36.500 Okay.

00:17:36.960 Half white, half Filipino.

00:17:38.380 Praise God.

00:17:38.960 Praise God.

00:17:41.880 Yeah, I'm biased, man.

00:17:43.720 I'm gonna have to say Filipino. 0.95

00:17:45.100 Yeah.

00:17:45.580 My son's mommy was Filipino.

00:17:48.560 Yeah.

00:17:49.060 Yeah, you gotta say that.

00:17:50.040 You don't have a choice.

00:17:50.340 I like the mix, too.

00:17:51.460 I like the mixed babies. 0.99

00:17:52.860 So I like a little bit of white with a little Filipino. 1.00

00:17:56.460 Yeah.

00:17:56.840 I like that.

00:17:57.680 Oh, yeah.

00:17:58.100 I like an Asian with a hazel eye.

00:18:00.260 It's like, wow.

00:18:01.060 Yeah.

00:18:01.320 How did that happen?

00:18:01.820 Like a teriyaki salmon.

00:18:03.120 Yeah.

00:18:03.800 That's good, right?

00:18:04.720 Oh, I think so.

00:18:05.700 Yeah.

00:18:05.980 It's from like Alaska, but it's Japanese. 0.96

00:18:08.220 Yeah.

00:18:08.620 I like that.

00:18:09.280 Japanese-Alaskan. 1.00

00:18:10.800 That's good shit, right? 1.00

00:18:12.220 Yeah. 1.00

00:18:12.400 It's like when you see a white guy doing the limbo, you know?

00:18:15.300 Yeah.

00:18:15.700 And he's good.

00:18:17.140 Like his toes moving forward.

00:18:18.940 Like, where did you learn that, sir?

00:18:22.000 Don't worry about it, man.

00:18:23.220 It was a cruise.

00:18:24.260 It was a cruise.

00:18:25.460 Don't tell your mother.

00:18:26.660 Don't tell your mama. 0.78

00:18:27.600 Dude, there's something about the white dad that crushes the luau that just saves the family. 0.86

00:18:35.020 Yeah.

00:18:35.820 And he gets like free pineapple or whatever for the whole table.

00:18:40.660 Ugh.

00:18:41.460 And he's a king, dude.

00:18:42.600 Yeah.

00:18:43.640 He's a king.

00:18:43.940 But he was like, it wasn't good, but it was so funny.

00:18:47.100 Yeah, but it was good enough for them.

00:18:48.360 And he doesn't know any better.

00:18:49.340 He doesn't know.

00:18:50.000 And they got pictures.

00:18:50.960 Yeah.

00:18:51.880 There's something beautiful.

00:18:52.320 Do we all remember that?

00:18:53.680 Oh, I remember going to the beach, man.

00:18:55.440 And we got, and you know, we'd go out during, we'd steal some liquor during the day and go

00:18:59.760 bury it in the sand and then go get it back at night like, you know, like turtles do.

00:19:04.340 Yeah.

00:19:05.060 And so then we'd dig it up at night and go drink it.

00:19:08.940 And then we'd meet up with strangers on the beach, strange women. 0.79

00:19:12.320 God, dude.

00:19:12.580 I met this girl that was in the Wiccan one time, witchcraftery. 1.00

00:19:15.280 What the fuck? 0.99

00:19:16.160 And me and this- 1.00

00:19:16.580 She wasn't into it.

00:19:17.380 She was in it.

00:19:18.040 She was doing it.

00:19:19.120 She was literally walking on the beach in the middle of the night.

00:19:21.700 No, man.

00:19:22.560 At age 15, dude.

00:19:24.020 And we, I don't know what we did, but we did something, man.

00:19:27.500 That is always the creepiest story.

00:19:29.280 And especially on the receiving end.

00:19:31.340 As a kid, it's a cool story. 1.00

00:19:33.060 But when you're a father and your kids come back from the beach saying that shit, because 1.00

00:19:38.240 my son did it in Maui. 1.00

00:19:40.440 They came running back in.

00:19:42.080 They're like, oh, we met some dudes on the beach. 1.00

00:19:44.200 I'm like, what the fuck? 0.99

00:19:46.160 What do they look like? 0.99

00:19:47.020 Like, well, you don't hang out with dudes at the beach.

00:19:49.860 No, they were cool, dad.

00:19:51.220 No, they weren't.

00:19:52.820 Yeah.

00:19:53.280 No man-

00:19:53.820 They were homeless.

00:19:54.700 Talking to 15-year-old kids is cool at the beach.

00:20:00.260 That's true, man.

00:20:01.380 Dude, when I think back, because we had this fellow named Richard Langenstein, and the listeners

00:20:06.500 know this, and this fellow was eventually convicted or semi-convicted pedophile.

00:20:13.920 But when I was young, he was just this cool guy that we went to smoke weed with and would

00:20:18.620 buy us steaks.

00:20:19.400 Yeah.

00:20:19.960 Did you fall asleep a lot?

00:20:21.200 Huh?

00:20:21.500 Did you fall asleep around this guy?

00:20:23.120 Dude, there's a couple of half memories that I have that I don't want to read all the

00:20:26.620 way through.

00:20:26.940 Yeah, yeah.

00:20:27.260 Don't go through.

00:20:27.720 I don't want to read the second half of the book.

00:20:29.100 But he was- But at the time, we thought it was so cool that he drove one of my friends

00:20:34.300 to Vegas for the weekend, right?

00:20:35.920 Like, pretty sketchy.

00:20:37.260 Right there, right there.

00:20:38.100 Accused, religious brother, accused of molesting student.

00:20:40.740 But this was after.

00:20:41.700 And you knew him?

00:20:42.840 Oh, yeah, dude.

00:20:43.840 I used to smoke weed with that fellow, man.

00:20:46.480 He was a teacher at our school, man.

00:20:48.580 He was a teacher?

00:20:49.440 Yeah.

00:20:49.740 I introduced him to, like, half of my friends. 1.00

00:20:53.260 What the fuck? 0.99

00:20:55.920 So, here's what I didn't even realize, man. 1.00

00:20:57.860 I was a freaking, like, a penis mule for this guy. 0.99

00:21:00.840 You know what I'm saying? 0.99

00:21:01.600 Yeah, you were bringing him in.

00:21:02.880 Yeah, it is.

00:21:03.460 Because I met him at school.

00:21:04.360 He was a substitute teacher.

00:21:05.520 You were like that girl on Smallville, Allison Mack.

00:21:07.940 Yeah.

00:21:08.460 Oh, yeah.

00:21:09.280 I was a recruiter.

00:21:10.140 You should be serving 120 years right now, Theo.

00:21:12.500 Free Galane, dude. 1.00

00:21:14.000 God damn. 0.99

00:21:15.260 But anyway, but at the time, it's so crazy at the time how I thought, oh, it's so cool. 0.99

00:21:18.720 It's so normal.

00:21:19.860 I'm just, I'm lucky we met this cool guy.

00:21:22.060 Yeah.

00:21:22.340 Now, when I think about it, okay, if at 40, I'm smoking weed with a 15-year-old.

00:21:29.220 Yeah.

00:21:30.140 I'm not doing well.

00:21:31.500 No, man.

00:21:32.880 It would be insane to do that.

00:21:34.960 It doesn't even make sense.

00:21:36.820 No.

00:21:37.600 It's so wild how from the other side of the coin.

00:21:40.160 That's what I'm saying.

00:21:41.240 It's so clear.

00:21:42.100 When Mike, you got to remember, I'm taking responsibility of all my nephews.

00:21:47.040 Oh.

00:21:47.520 Like, I told their parents, I got it.

00:21:50.240 Don't worry.

00:21:50.760 They're going to be safe.

00:21:51.400 And they come running back into the house, and they're like, yo, we met these dudes,

00:21:56.980 man.

00:21:57.180 This is so cool, man.

00:21:58.720 Duncan took a hit.

00:21:59.900 Like, my oldest nephew took a hit. 1.00

00:22:02.460 I'm like, what the fuck are you doing? 1.00

00:22:04.440 Yeah. 0.99

00:22:04.680 What are you guys doing?

00:22:05.880 What's going on, guys?

00:22:07.020 Why would you do that?

00:22:08.240 Yeah.

00:22:08.600 Who are these guys?

00:22:09.940 He just disappeared.

00:22:11.320 Yeah.

00:22:12.160 Duncan got his nails done by some guy.

00:22:14.580 Like, what?

00:22:16.180 I feel weird if I hang out with Gianni.

00:22:18.340 He's only 24.

00:22:19.420 Yeah, that's a good point, actually.

00:22:20.280 That's eight years that I feel weird.

00:22:21.700 15?

00:22:22.180 Yeah.

00:22:22.680 Yeah, man.

00:22:23.600 If I get a DM or anything like that, it's always like, hey, man, thank you so much, kid.

00:22:29.140 Yeah.

00:22:29.580 Tell your mom and dad I said hi.

00:22:31.340 I swear to God, I don't.

00:22:33.980 I, bah, bah, bah, bah, bah.

00:22:35.960 I mean, hey, tell your father, Mr. Coy, says thank you.

00:22:42.280 All right, man?

00:22:43.180 Do your homework.

00:22:44.400 It's sketchy now, especially, dude.

00:22:46.480 Hell no.

00:22:47.540 I'll ask a girl straight up if they're going to try to me too me or not. 0.99

00:22:50.700 Yeah, you should.

00:22:51.580 Yeah.

00:22:52.260 Yeah.

00:22:52.460 Just so I have it in writing.

00:22:54.720 Yeah.

00:22:55.640 You know?

00:22:56.340 Yeah, that's good.

00:22:57.180 Like, wait, this girl's me too me and said she wasn't going to be too me.

00:23:00.220 You said clearly you weren't.

00:23:02.300 Yeah.

00:23:03.220 What?

00:23:03.960 Yeah, what's going on here?

00:23:05.880 But I'm going to go through, let me think, Nick dates an Asian girl, too.

00:23:09.120 Vietnamese girl.

00:23:10.200 Oh, Vietnamese. 1.00

00:23:11.120 They're nice.

00:23:12.180 Oh, yeah.

00:23:12.740 They're nice.

00:23:13.120 They're firecrackers.

00:23:14.360 Yeah, she keeps me in line.

00:23:15.920 They've been through a lot.

00:23:17.480 Yeah.

00:23:17.920 They've been through a lot.

00:23:19.380 Oh, yeah.

00:23:19.780 So, yeah, you better watch her back on that one. 1.00

00:23:23.160 Yeah, her parents came by boat.

00:23:24.520 Wow.

00:23:25.060 Well, yeah, a lot of them did.

00:23:26.460 Stayed in Hong Kong for a while.

00:23:28.720 Mm-hmm.

00:23:29.260 Yeah.

00:23:29.520 Oh, yeah. 1.00

00:23:30.280 And a Vietnamese person, they could sleep on a damn, on a rack of a clock. 1.00

00:23:34.060 I saw a Vietnamese person fall asleep on a whole thing of cans. 1.00

00:23:37.640 Unbelievable.

00:23:37.920 Just recycled cans.

00:23:38.980 Yeah.

00:23:39.220 Beautiful.

00:23:39.860 Every turn was just.

00:23:42.580 And didn't wake them up.

00:23:43.980 Yeah.

00:23:44.500 Just, dude. 1.00

00:23:45.580 You can't fuck with me. 1.00

00:23:46.600 My next door neighbor was Vietnamese, and he was the shit, man. 1.00

00:23:49.900 Talk shit, had the thickest accent. 1.00

00:23:51.840 Yeah. 1.00

00:23:52.080 And was in my face when we played ball, man.

00:23:55.020 You can't call me, dude. 1.00

00:23:56.080 Fuck you, dude. 1.00

00:23:57.220 Sure to God. 1.00

00:23:58.360 His name was V, by the way.

00:23:59.860 V.

00:24:00.480 Oh, yeah.

00:24:00.920 My next door neighbor.

00:24:01.600 That's every Vietnamese person's name.

00:24:02.900 V.

00:24:03.080 And he had hair just like you.

00:24:04.440 Oh, yeah.

00:24:05.080 This is 1983, man.

00:24:06.560 He had the tight sides and the long. 1.00

00:24:08.760 He's like, dude, fuck you, dude. 1.00

00:24:10.380 Take that. 1.00

00:24:11.040 Take that, dude.

00:24:12.740 Yeah, dude.

00:24:14.880 That's where I got my accent from.

00:24:16.140 When I do the Vietnamese accent, it's always V. 1.00

00:24:18.200 Oh, that's dope. 0.94

00:24:18.900 Oh, he was so funny, man.

00:24:20.960 Yeah, dude.

00:24:21.140 Is she funny?

00:24:21.820 Is she funny?

00:24:22.540 She's hilarious.

00:24:23.260 Yeah.

00:24:23.480 I don't know what it is about.

00:24:25.560 I think, Theo, when you get like when military presence is there, does this make sense?

00:24:34.580 Like the Philippines has a lot of military back in the day.

00:24:38.260 And I think they absorb that culture and that lifestyle.

00:24:41.060 And they get, you know, when you tell a joke, they get it.

00:24:45.900 Right.

00:24:46.160 You know what I mean?

00:24:46.860 Does that make sense?

00:24:47.720 I think so.

00:24:48.200 Because they probably were like all the, a lot of what they probably saw was a lot of American stuff.

00:24:52.540 Yeah, and they hear American humor and the way they talk and like the little words that we use and they get it.

00:24:58.960 Does that make sense?

00:24:59.680 And then they're trying to translate it, huh? 0.99

00:25:01.660 Vietnamese are gangsters, though. 1.00

00:25:03.200 Oh, they're gangster, bro. 0.99

00:25:04.400 They're like, they're gangster business people.

00:25:06.760 Like Louisiana has one of the largest populations of Vietnamese in the U.S.

00:25:11.140 What?

00:25:11.340 We're the only Vietnamese person in the House of Representatives.

00:25:15.800 The only Vietnamese. 0.88

00:25:16.260 Did not know that.

00:25:17.220 Is out of Louisiana because of all the fishing industry.

00:25:19.920 So they come down there hunting shrimp and they stay.

00:25:23.600 Did not know that.

00:25:24.860 Ahuang.

00:25:25.520 Ahuang.

00:25:26.220 Ahuang.

00:25:27.080 Ahuang.

00:25:27.600 Ahuang Cao Joseph.

00:25:28.440 He goes by Joseph Chow.

00:25:29.760 Of course he does, dude.

00:25:31.420 Would that be pronounced Cao?

00:25:33.420 Cao?

00:25:33.740 Joseph Cao.

00:25:34.500 Joseph Cao.

00:25:35.300 That's a good call.

00:25:35.960 I bet it would.

00:25:36.580 My girlfriend helped secure two pounds of weed for Boosie Badass. 1.00

00:25:39.580 Yep, we had to pay Boosie Badass and weed when he showed up. 1.00

00:25:41.920 That's beautiful.

00:25:42.760 That's a beautiful thing.

00:25:43.820 Yeah.

00:25:44.180 That's a great thing.

00:25:45.280 But that's a billets, man.

00:25:46.520 They'll get you anything.

00:25:47.200 You need tables.

00:25:47.860 You need a wedding. 0.99

00:25:48.360 Yeah. 0.99

00:25:49.060 And they don't give a fuck if the order's wrong. 0.94

00:25:50.740 Have you ever seen that? 0.99

00:25:51.520 Mm-mm.

00:25:51.920 Yeah. 1.00

00:25:52.300 Vietnamese don't give a shit. 1.00

00:25:53.240 When I ask every time for my pho. 1.00

00:25:55.920 That's Vietnamese, right? 0.89

00:25:56.820 Pho?

00:25:57.100 Mm-hmm.

00:25:57.640 And in fact, this just happened. 1.00

00:25:59.640 We can call my son to verify this damn story. 0.99

00:26:02.340 And once again, I ask, no cilantro. 1.00

00:26:04.940 I can't stand cilantro. 0.85

00:26:06.280 It fucks up every meal. 0.92

00:26:07.780 And I go, please, no cilantro.

00:26:09.060 No problem.

00:26:09.560 No cilantro.

00:26:10.220 Boom. 1.00

00:26:10.600 Fucking cilantro. 1.00

00:26:11.460 Damn. 1.00

00:26:12.500 I go, this is cilantro. 1.00

00:26:13.620 No green.

00:26:14.420 She goes, okay.

00:26:15.420 And just walked off.

00:26:16.540 That's amazing.

00:26:18.120 Okay.

00:26:18.660 Yeah.

00:26:20.360 Okay.

00:26:21.980 Well, you want me to put my hand in there?

00:26:23.560 Yeah.

00:26:24.120 Oh, yeah.

00:26:25.340 Because they'll literally go in, huh? 1.00

00:26:26.800 I'll take one by one, asshole. 1.00

00:26:29.480 I don't know, man. 1.00

00:26:30.120 Yeah, there's something more like, I don't know.

00:26:32.640 We got, white culture gets so, a little bit too proper over time. 0.64

00:26:36.720 Yeah.

00:26:37.020 And a lot of these cultures that have had a lot more of a rot gut experience or a tougher

00:26:40.760 upcoming in the past 100 years.

00:26:43.540 They really, there's so much more humor, bro, on that side of the head.

00:26:46.800 Bro, I love how you describe that.

00:26:48.520 That's so true, man.

00:26:49.980 So much more humor.

00:26:51.060 How'd you say that?

00:26:51.720 Rot gutted?

00:26:52.500 Rot gut.

00:26:53.220 Rot gut?

00:26:53.800 That's so true, man. 0.99

00:26:55.360 Like when you go through just shit and your only form of entertainment is yourself. 0.99

00:27:01.960 Yeah. 0.99

00:27:02.540 Right?

00:27:03.200 Oh, yeah.

00:27:03.620 And you can only be funny and make fun of yourself.

00:27:06.460 Man, that's why they are who they are, man. 0.83

00:27:09.520 Like that's why Filipinos are like that. 1.00

00:27:11.020 It's just, that's our form of entertainment.

00:27:13.740 When you're broke and you don't have any money and you depend on the family to be the entertainment

00:27:18.640 at the party.

00:27:19.520 Yeah.

00:27:19.940 Right?

00:27:20.400 Like, I don't know.

00:27:21.380 That made sense how you said that.

00:27:23.400 No, I think, look, when you look at a lot of cultures, that's where a lot of humor really

00:27:26.680 comes out of, you know, is some type of, not turmoil really, but just, I think a place

00:27:34.620 of unrest or not having something where you need to become an instrument as a person.

00:27:40.540 You need to become funny or become, because it's not there.

00:27:45.300 It's not there.

00:27:45.800 Like, there's not the other elements that you have to get the entertainment.

00:27:49.240 Exactly.

00:27:49.820 So it's like, unless somebody's going to go rent a VHS, you know, which somebody has the

00:27:53.460 money to do once a week.

00:27:54.720 Yep.

00:27:55.040 Then otherwise, somebody's going to have to start entertaining.

00:27:57.320 Yeah. 1.00

00:27:57.720 Someone's got to juggle, motherfucker. 1.00

00:27:59.260 Somebody's got to juggle, dude. 1.00

00:28:00.340 So grab those three balls and do something. 0.51

00:28:03.440 Parties in two days. 0.95

00:28:04.400 That's it.

00:28:04.940 Yeah.

00:28:05.260 That's the truth, man.

00:28:06.560 I think there's something about that.

00:28:07.860 But yeah, I'm going to go through and rank now.

00:28:09.860 Japanese, I've, and I've, you know, I've long been, you know, I'm not an,

00:28:15.040 I'm not anti-Japanese.

00:28:17.540 Yeah.

00:28:17.900 But they're, I get no Japanese person. 1.00

00:28:21.400 It's hard to know if they care what's going on.

00:28:23.780 Living to see.

00:28:24.900 It's just like, all right.

00:28:26.260 You know, I never, I can't tell if they've just come from a fire or if they just got a

00:28:31.600 massage.

00:28:32.140 Like I just, Oh, you mean their expression?

00:28:34.780 I have no idea.

00:28:35.580 Yeah.

00:28:37.500 Never.

00:28:38.800 Like I went to a Japanese, a buddy of mine married a Japanese girl and was at the wedding

00:28:41.660 and I was like, dude, are you sure this girl like you?

00:28:44.400 Oh, like I have zero vibe off of this girl.

00:28:48.760 Yeah.

00:28:49.080 It's just correct.

00:28:49.640 And I think it's just because if you don't grow up around a certain population, you have

00:28:52.980 just have no idea what their expressions are like.

00:28:55.520 That's true.

00:28:56.280 Like Filipinos a lot easier. 1.00

00:28:58.520 China is, they're more gangsters, bro. 1.00

00:29:00.460 China is really like the black community of Asia. 1.00

00:29:02.460 Really? 0.74

00:29:02.960 Chinese people are funny too, by the way. 0.97

00:29:04.680 Chinese people, Chinese people don't care if they die, bro. 0.87

00:29:07.300 You'll be walking down the street with like in Shanghai, somebody dies. 0.68

00:29:10.760 They make a soup out of them, put a sign up. 1.00

00:29:13.620 What the fuck? 1.00

00:29:15.000 Bro, sell fucking whatever his name was, you know, him key soup and it's a fucking funeral 1.00

00:29:20.500 luncheon and everybody goes back to work, bro. 1.00

00:29:23.260 Those people keep it moving.

00:29:25.720 Yeah.

00:29:25.820 They don't have time.

00:29:26.980 They don't have time, bro.

00:29:27.700 There's 1.9 billion, Theo.

00:29:29.940 It don't matter.

00:29:31.200 You know what I mean?

00:29:31.760 When one drops, it's like you get to open your arms just a little bit more.

00:29:36.500 You get to do a full stretch.

00:29:38.100 Three more die.

00:29:39.860 Oh, so better.

00:29:41.300 There's a sinkhole.

00:29:42.760 Yeah. 0.99

00:29:43.040 Oh, you fucking finally, you can get a nap in. 0.99

00:29:46.380 They're like, oh. 0.99

00:29:49.100 The Chinese, and it's not, like we have the luxury of having a little bit of space over 1.00

00:29:53.920 here.

00:29:54.080 Yeah.

00:29:54.700 You know.

00:29:54.980 We have a lot of space.

00:29:56.600 Yeah.

00:29:56.820 I'm so sick of people going, man, we're so overpopulated.

00:29:59.760 Overpopulated.

00:30:00.540 I'm like, have you ever flown from L.A. to Vegas?

00:30:06.140 Yeah.

00:30:06.520 You see all that land?

00:30:09.040 You ever fly from, like, Omaha to, what's the next state over?

00:30:14.000 Cincinnati, maybe?

00:30:15.160 Cincinnati.

00:30:16.180 You ever go to St. Louis to Denver?

00:30:18.020 Yeah.

00:30:19.160 It's land.

00:30:19.900 Look at all that land. 1.00

00:30:21.580 What the fuck are you guys talking about, man? 1.00

00:30:24.720 It is only populated wherever you live. 1.00

00:30:27.820 Yeah.

00:30:28.080 Oh, man, there's so many people in Los Angeles.

00:30:30.520 Yeah.

00:30:31.120 Yeah.

00:30:31.580 Yeah.

00:30:32.500 Yeah, go to Victorville.

00:30:33.840 Yeah.

00:30:34.140 Go to Needles.

00:30:35.360 Go to Needles.

00:30:36.780 You ever fly from San Antonio to Dallas? 0.92

00:30:39.920 It's ridiculous. 0.91

00:30:41.180 Yeah. 0.88

00:30:41.360 So much land.

00:30:42.560 Oh, yeah.

00:30:43.580 So much land.

00:30:44.580 Stop it.

00:30:45.460 We got room.

00:30:46.720 There's not enough people.

00:30:48.440 I think more people are starting to spread out now, especially.

00:30:52.200 Yeah.

00:30:52.380 Oh, especially now.

00:30:53.560 I think during this whole pandy, a lot of people were like, hey, I got a, I don't know

00:30:57.320 what this rat race is that I'm stuck in.

00:30:59.260 I want to go see about being a human being, you know?

00:31:02.500 Yeah.

00:31:02.700 I think places like Utah are getting busier.

00:31:04.880 Um, you know, also states without taxes, you know, without state taxes are getting busier

00:31:10.640 too.

00:31:11.040 Oh, way busier.

00:31:12.520 You know?

00:31:12.960 I'm in Vegas now, so.

00:31:14.580 Yeah.

00:31:14.700 How is that?

00:31:15.100 Good?

00:31:15.460 Oh, I love it.

00:31:16.500 I got a house in Vegas and a, I mean, I have a house here.

00:31:19.600 Right.

00:31:20.080 But I, I, Vegas is where I like to go.

00:31:22.600 I'm always in Vegas.

00:31:24.140 That's dope. 0.93

00:31:24.460 You should go to Vegas.

00:31:25.280 You know what?

00:31:25.700 I would, I would consider it.

00:31:27.140 I think I'm gonna try Nashville for a little while.

00:31:28.820 Yeah.

00:31:29.160 But then I would consider Vegas.

00:31:30.540 Yeah.

00:31:30.980 The reason why I like Vegas so much, it's a, it's an hour flight, man.

00:31:34.400 Yeah.

00:31:34.840 You know, you go to Nashville, what is that?

00:31:36.140 Two and a half?

00:31:36.660 Oh, that's more.

00:31:37.260 It's like three and a half hours.

00:31:38.360 Yeah.

00:31:38.620 See, that's, that's a, that's an event.

00:31:40.660 Yeah.

00:31:41.280 That's a lot of planning.

00:31:42.560 Whereas like you live in Vegas, you're living your life and it's like, hey, we need you to do

00:31:46.440 some.

00:31:46.620 But I'll be there in, I'll be there at six.

00:31:49.480 Yeah.

00:31:49.500 That is cool.

00:31:50.100 You know what I mean?

00:31:51.040 That is pretty cool.

00:31:52.040 At 11 a.m.

00:31:52.840 You could have a call and decide you need to be there the next morning.

00:31:56.240 Yeah.

00:31:56.340 And at 5 p.m.

00:31:57.040 You could take a flight and be done fresh and ready the next day.

00:32:00.940 Yeah.

00:32:01.260 Yeah.

00:32:01.280 That's one thing.

00:32:01.800 One thing that's nice about Nashville is the proximity.

00:32:04.100 Like you can drive to, you want to go perform in Huntsville.

00:32:06.860 It's two hours away.

00:32:07.800 You want to perform in Indianapolis.

00:32:09.380 It's four hours away.

00:32:10.600 You want to perform in Cincinnati.

00:32:12.760 It's four hours away.

00:32:13.860 Like you just don't really realize how many places you could just go do comedy that are

00:32:19.600 within, you know.

00:32:20.860 Yeah.

00:32:21.500 You could just, you know, get on a plane at 11 and be at your hotel by 2 p.m.

00:32:26.020 I love Nashville, by the way.

00:32:27.840 It's cool, man.

00:32:28.680 It's interesting.

00:32:29.800 It's completely different.

00:32:31.500 Oh, it's completely different.

00:32:32.600 Yeah.

00:32:32.680 It's like a Western version of New York.

00:32:37.080 Yeah.

00:32:37.440 Like when New York was like that big jazz movement and entertainment movement, you know, am I making

00:32:43.500 any sense?

00:32:44.100 I don't know.

00:32:44.460 Back in the day, you could just go to New York and everyone was playing jazz music everywhere

00:32:47.860 and like jazz was huge.

00:32:49.480 I wasn't from that era.

00:32:50.900 I just heard this story from Cosby.

00:32:52.820 I see it in, you know, like movies and just like, man, I wish I lived during that time.

00:32:58.360 Yeah.

00:32:58.640 You go to these clubs and all of a sudden this, musicians were just playing and like, you know

00:33:04.000 what I mean?

00:33:04.300 And you hear all these stories like, and then all of a sudden you see, I go to Nashville

00:33:08.380 and it was the same thing.

00:33:10.020 Yeah.

00:33:10.220 It was like, I was seeing, I don't like country, but when I'm in Nashville, I love country.

00:33:15.900 Yeah.

00:33:16.360 Because I see it.

00:33:17.300 I see those stories come to life.

00:33:19.120 That whole jazz movement in New York, I'm seeing in Nashville, I'm walking every bar,

00:33:24.340 there's someone playing.

00:33:25.240 Someone's playing music.

00:33:25.960 I went to a brunch and there was a band playing.

00:33:28.580 I got off the plane, there was a band playing.

00:33:30.360 I bought CDs.

00:33:31.880 I still say this every time I had this CD from the Gin Sisters.

00:33:35.500 I don't know if they made it or if they became big.

00:33:37.680 Let's look them up now.

00:33:38.380 Their name, Gin Sisters.

00:33:40.420 And I got off my plane in Nashville and a huge crowd wrapped around them.

00:33:44.840 All they had was a speaker, an amplifier, and two, I think two sisters, I hope they're

00:33:49.820 sisters, and they were playing, bought their CD.

00:33:53.000 And I was like, and that's what live music is.

00:33:56.360 And that's what that whole, when you see someone hungry, when someone's hungry.

00:34:00.860 You know, you buy into that.

00:34:02.740 There's that energy, you know, when you see someone just, I'm in an airport plane.

00:34:06.960 It's like, yeah, man, I'll buy that.

00:34:09.480 What is it?

00:34:10.000 I'll buy it.

00:34:10.740 I love it.

00:34:11.460 Yeah, I'll support it.

00:34:11.720 Yeah.

00:34:12.220 What about this?

00:34:12.880 Do you find that it's tougher to recreate that desire as you achieve more success and

00:34:22.800 stuff?

00:34:23.140 No.

00:34:23.860 You don't?

00:34:24.320 No, I don't.

00:34:25.140 Wow.

00:34:25.820 I don't.

00:34:26.640 I'm still thinking of things that I need to do.

00:34:30.020 Well, I'm still thinking of things that I need to do.

00:34:31.880 Yeah.

00:34:32.360 And it burns inside me.

00:34:33.980 Like, I can't wait.

00:34:35.280 Wow.

00:34:35.920 Mm-hmm.

00:34:36.520 I'm working on this project right now.

00:34:37.780 I don't sleep.

00:34:38.580 Really?

00:34:39.100 Yeah.

00:34:39.880 Yeah, man.

00:34:40.940 Fire.

00:34:42.100 Like, I'm on fire right now.

00:34:43.880 And you're up for an Emmy right now, aren't you?

00:34:45.720 It was a People's Choice Award.

00:34:48.360 Wow.

00:34:49.060 Yeah.

00:34:49.360 For that special.

00:34:50.720 And that special that I shot in the Philippines was burning inside of me for years.

00:34:56.460 And for it to come to life the way it did, I was so excited.

00:34:59.780 I don't know.

00:35:00.260 I can never explain it to someone what that special meant to me because, you know, we live

00:35:05.780 in a time now where you get to watch, you get to go online and see whoever it is that

00:35:10.480 you are.

00:35:11.360 Like, you know, if you're Vietnamese, you can go online and find Vietnamese entertainment.

00:35:16.840 Mm-hmm.

00:35:17.100 All kinds of singers, whatever.

00:35:19.640 Right.

00:35:19.980 But try doing that in 1982 and try and find a Filipino that looked like me doing stand-up.

00:35:26.480 Yeah.

00:35:26.840 When you only had three channels to go from.

00:35:29.520 People thought you were Sinbad's son a lot of it.

00:35:31.340 Yeah, a lot of people thought I was something.

00:35:33.960 They didn't know what I was, by the way.

00:35:35.300 I'm sure.

00:35:35.760 Because I was a mixed kid.

00:35:36.700 I was a military kid.

00:35:37.600 So, you know, I had the hazel eyes, but then they were, like, Asian-looking.

00:35:41.260 Like, people always ask me, what are you?

00:35:42.640 But anyways, what I'm getting at is just, like, that's what that whole thing was.

00:35:47.760 Like, being able to create something to help inspire other kids that are trying to get into

00:35:52.560 this business, you know?

00:35:53.380 Oh, I can only imagine something like that, what that will do, that fuse.

00:35:57.540 You know?

00:35:58.020 Like, I just remember the first time I ever even went and saw a stand-up comedy.

00:36:01.820 I didn't even know you could do it.

00:36:03.020 I'd never, I know my brother had, like, gotten the videos of Eddie Murphy and stuff, but I

00:36:07.600 didn't know, I was, I, they wouldn't let.

00:36:10.200 You didn't know there was, like, a club thing.

00:36:11.740 Yeah, they wouldn't let me come watch those with them.

00:36:13.560 Yeah.

00:36:13.720 So, I would just hear about it, and I would see Living Color.

00:36:17.440 Yeah.

00:36:17.760 But I was in college, and somebody took me to the comedy club, and there was a man up

00:36:21.360 there.

00:36:21.560 I think it was Mark Gross.

00:36:23.000 Do you remember him?

00:36:23.460 I remember Mark Gross.

00:36:25.100 Great joke writer, and he's just up there telling jokes, and I'm like, this is a job.

00:36:29.460 This is insane.

00:36:30.640 Yeah.

00:36:30.960 Yeah.

00:36:32.640 Loved it.

00:36:33.600 And yeah, and it just blew my mind that that was the real thing.

00:36:36.340 But I could only, and that was probably where the seed comes from.

00:36:38.860 So, I can only imagine if you're sitting in the Philippines, you know? 0.98

00:36:41.780 I wanted to go to the Philippines with it.

00:36:43.760 I wanted to be able to show the world, like, yo, this is the culture I'm talking about.

00:36:47.120 These are our people.

00:36:47.920 They speak English.

00:36:49.460 You know what I mean?

00:36:50.000 The best people, dog.

00:36:51.020 Wow, they're so nice.

00:36:51.480 Bro, I've been to the Azores Islands over there.

00:36:54.940 Was this it?

00:36:55.680 Let's hear it.

00:36:59.460 What's this?

00:36:59.980 This is Theo was asked, which person would he send, and it's related, which person would

00:37:05.980 he send to be an ambassador to the aliens?

00:37:10.760 And this is factual, right?

00:37:11.720 Here's documented information.

00:37:13.520 Probably a Filipino, dude. 0.99

00:37:14.820 I'm really infatuated by Filipinos. 1.00

00:37:16.660 They're happy.

00:37:17.480 They're joyous.

00:37:18.220 You know, they call them the smiling people somewhere on the internet, and every Filipino

00:37:23.880 I meet, they're real gracious.

00:37:25.240 They do a lot of senior care centers, hospice. 0.99

00:37:28.060 So, you don't fucking... 0.98

00:37:29.940 Who else are you going to send out there, dude? 0.99

00:37:31.460 You know what I'm saying?

00:37:32.320 I love it. 1.00

00:37:32.900 You're fucking drunk. 1.00

00:37:33.880 You know what? 1.00

00:37:34.960 I need that video.

00:37:36.460 Can you send me that video?

00:37:37.700 It's true, man.

00:37:38.280 Oh, I got to post that.

00:37:39.520 The Filipinos, a lot of... 1.00

00:37:40.100 And what a lot of people don't realize is, before you die, a lot of...

00:37:43.660 The last person a lot of people see is a Filipino person.

00:37:46.020 Man, so true.

00:37:48.380 So true.

00:37:50.380 That's pretty fascinating when you think about that.

00:37:52.440 When you think about whatever scope of God's world that it is, that that is the last...

00:37:57.060 I don't care if you're white or black or whoever. 0.82

00:37:59.120 However, there's a pretty decent chance... 0.54

00:38:01.960 It's going to be a Filipino housekeeper. 1.00

00:38:04.100 You're going out.

00:38:04.740 Housekeeper house...

00:38:05.700 Or someone, yeah, that works in nursing.

00:38:07.580 Someone in care, yeah.

00:38:08.400 Nursing, yes.

00:38:09.660 That's so true, man.

00:38:10.780 So many nurses. 0.87

00:38:11.900 That's crazy.

00:38:12.800 Yeah.

00:38:13.520 I wonder if that starts to wear...

00:38:15.680 I wonder what effect that has on the culture over time, if it has any...

00:38:19.640 It has none.

00:38:20.880 Wow.

00:38:21.160 It is literally a part of their DNA.

00:38:24.300 Like I said earlier, man, when you have absolutely nothing... 1.00

00:38:27.120 Like when you actually go to the Philippines and visit it and you realize, holy fuck, man, 1.00

00:38:34.260 I'm spoiled. 1.00

00:38:35.420 I need to shut up. 0.69

00:38:37.040 I need to really not talk when I... 0.68

00:38:39.920 You know what I mean?

00:38:40.760 Like you go there and you see these kids barefoot and I remember we were shooting something and

00:38:46.520 this brought a tear to my eye.

00:38:47.700 We were shooting something because I wanted to show the guys just like these monuments,

00:38:52.860 right?

00:38:53.120 And there was this woman that was, you know, she had a cart and she's selling, you know,

00:38:57.340 you know, fried food, right?

00:38:59.160 And then her kid, barefoot and everything, after we bought the food, she takes his clothes

00:39:05.440 off and just gives him a bath right there. 0.98

00:39:07.660 Oh, yeah.

00:39:08.360 Full on bath.

00:39:08.960 With a soda?

00:39:09.900 With a soda.

00:39:10.980 With Mountain Dew.

00:39:11.840 Oh, yeah.

00:39:12.460 No, but like full on shower and the kid's happy as hell.

00:39:15.820 Oh, yeah.

00:39:16.340 And she's bathing him with soap and everything, cup of water, dries him off, clothes back on,

00:39:23.540 he takes off running.

00:39:24.580 It's just another day for this kid. 1.00

00:39:27.240 But when I saw that, I was like, holy shit, man. 1.00

00:39:30.500 That's life. 0.99

00:39:31.180 That's real life.

00:39:32.860 So it's like, what do you do to get out of that, right?

00:39:35.700 You try and learn to speak English, right?

00:39:38.140 You got to learn to speak English.

00:39:40.360 And then you got to become a nurse.

00:39:41.860 Why?

00:39:42.260 Because everyone needs a nurse. 0.99

00:39:43.800 Yeah.

00:39:44.020 Everyone needs a nurse, just like you said. 0.97

00:39:46.560 You got to make yourself useful.

00:39:47.400 Yeah.

00:39:47.640 Yeah.

00:39:47.740 You got to be of need.

00:39:49.360 Yeah.

00:39:49.720 And who else to get?

00:39:51.880 Someone that's willing to do it.

00:39:54.040 You know what I mean?

00:39:54.500 Someone that speaks English.

00:39:56.220 And I need to get out of this situation.

00:39:58.040 So, yeah, I'll take care of him.

00:39:59.600 So on his last day, yeah, I'll be there.

00:40:01.640 Wow.

00:40:02.020 I'll make sure that his or hers last days are the best last days ever.

00:40:06.720 It's pretty interesting, man.

00:40:08.140 Because, yeah, it's a lot of, I wonder how many people in their lives have been racist

00:40:11.300 or had racist thoughts, you know, especially.

00:40:14.020 And even if they weren't their own, they learned them or whatever.

00:40:17.120 And then they're laying on their deathbed or whatever.

00:40:19.880 And the person that's there usually, that's what's crazy about life, man.

00:40:23.920 Yeah.

00:40:24.380 The person that's there usually is probably of another ethnicity.

00:40:28.220 Yeah.

00:40:28.820 You know?

00:40:29.420 That's so weird.

00:40:30.140 I never even thought of that, Theo.

00:40:31.900 That's so deep, bro.

00:40:33.460 It's just interesting.

00:40:34.060 Think about that.

00:40:35.040 You're just laying there and like.

00:40:37.100 And life just moves on.

00:40:38.540 And you have to, at that point, you have to inside of yourself think like, man, I have

00:40:42.500 to, I can't be hateful because I need this person.

00:40:47.640 Yeah.

00:40:48.100 You know?

00:40:48.480 Even if I just need them just to be the last person that's there when I'm gone and I leave.

00:40:53.040 Just hook me up with a little bit of morphine before I go.

00:40:55.320 Yeah.

00:40:55.960 Just say, yeah.

00:40:56.900 Or something.

00:40:57.800 Just tell whoever comes in the room that I was a decent person.

00:40:59.980 I was a decent man.

00:41:01.920 I was a decent man.

00:41:02.820 Yeah.

00:41:03.120 Yeah.

00:41:03.700 Wow.

00:41:04.140 I never even thought of that.

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00:44:34.860 It's pretty interesting, man.

00:44:36.060 We got a white fellow right here who obviously likes the Lakers and we're excited to have him.

00:44:41.620 What up, Theo?

00:44:42.740 What up, Yosef?

00:44:44.000 Body by Bourbon here.

00:44:45.660 I knew from back in the day on Chelsea Handler as one of the panel.

00:44:49.060 You were hilarious.

00:44:50.700 I was just wondering if you missed doing those shows or do you enjoy doing stand-up more.

00:44:55.620 The Mofongo skit with the cool whip container as a child is easily one of the funniest things I've ever heard.

00:45:03.100 No one ever wanted to trade for those Doritos or Oreos, man.

00:45:05.760 It's a shame.

00:45:06.980 Or got a Cuban rest shot. 0.77

00:45:08.300 Not a lot of Mofongo was sold that day.

00:45:11.340 Other than that, gang gang.

00:45:13.300 Oh, that's nice.

00:45:15.200 Gang, man, he's just a fan, huh?

00:45:16.460 Yeah, that's awesome.

00:45:18.260 I miss Chelsea.

00:45:20.320 I was doing stand-up before Chelsea.

00:45:22.720 But I always tell people she was the new Johnny Carson.

00:45:27.700 When Johnny waved you over to the seat, that meant you made it.

00:45:31.800 Yeah.

00:45:32.080 And I felt the same way with Chelsea.

00:45:34.320 If she invited you to that pound you slayed, man, you made it. 1.00

00:45:38.440 They came to see you.

00:45:39.980 Wow.

00:45:40.500 I was so nervous that one time I went.

00:45:42.140 Yeah, man.

00:45:42.980 Too nervous.

00:45:43.540 I couldn't handle it.

00:45:44.240 I didn't.

00:45:44.800 Really?

00:45:45.700 Yeah, I think I was never a big Chelsea fan.

00:45:48.320 And then it was just, I was just nervous.

00:45:51.920 It was like the only thing going on for a lot of comedians.

00:45:54.640 Yeah.

00:45:55.480 You know?

00:45:56.000 I mean, you guys were like top of the heat.

00:45:58.620 You know, you guys were getting on television every week.

00:46:02.240 And it was a huge show.

00:46:03.640 Every day.

00:46:04.460 Every single day we were on, which was crazy.

00:46:07.340 They thought we were a cast.

00:46:09.480 Yeah.

00:46:09.680 People thought we were a cast.

00:46:11.640 I felt like I was on a prime time sitcom.

00:46:14.640 That's how I felt.

00:46:16.100 It was crazy.

00:46:17.100 That's wild.

00:46:17.680 Yeah.

00:46:18.020 It was nuts, man.

00:46:19.200 People were coming out for those shows, man.

00:46:21.380 I was always so uptight.

00:46:23.020 And then I just was not a Chelsea fan.

00:46:24.740 So I just, I think that made me nervous.

00:46:27.460 She was kind of intimidating.

00:46:28.900 That made me nervous.

00:46:30.000 I was just kind of nervous at that time.

00:46:31.640 Yeah.

00:46:31.800 I think I just wasn't being myself, really.

00:46:34.740 You know?

00:46:35.160 I was like, all right, how do I look?

00:46:37.580 Am I okay?

00:46:38.580 Are my eyes open?

00:46:41.000 Like, just thinking about all these other things and just being funny.

00:46:43.860 But did you, here's a cool question.

00:46:45.760 Did you know who you were yet?

00:46:49.080 Like, I feel like, and it's just me talking.

00:46:51.700 I feel like when you started doing, after your last special, and then you hit the pod, right?

00:46:58.020 After the last special?

00:46:59.000 Yeah.

00:46:59.440 I felt like that's when Theo became Theo.

00:47:02.620 Yeah.

00:47:03.100 Like, I feel like your voice really just, like, cut right through after that.

00:47:07.940 I feel like during Chelsea, I think you were still in that stage of, I'm funny, but I don't know.

00:47:14.760 Am I right or am I wrong?

00:47:15.420 Oh, yeah, totally.

00:47:16.100 I don't know what I am.

00:47:17.220 I don't know what I'm doing.

00:47:18.100 I'm trying to be like a white guy that could be on a sitcom.

00:47:21.240 Yeah.

00:47:21.380 I just didn't know what I was doing.

00:47:23.780 Yeah, you knew you were funny.

00:47:24.880 I was afraid to be myself, I think.

00:47:26.560 You know, I was afraid.

00:47:28.620 You know, there's not a lot of acceptance of Southern-style comedians, really.

00:47:32.540 There's not a lot of Southern, since the Blue Collar Tour, there's not even, and I don't

00:47:35.800 consider myself a Southern comedian, but.

00:47:37.660 I don't think anyone does.

00:47:38.740 They don't have that, they just haven't really taken anybody from our area, even.

00:47:43.180 Yeah.

00:47:43.880 So, like.

00:47:44.600 I don't even like that label, by the way, to be honest.

00:47:48.020 Like, I don't like it when people, I would never want to, like, I would never label Theo

00:47:52.520 as a Southern comic. 0.97

00:47:53.840 Like, you're just a comedian, and you're really fucking funny. 0.97

00:47:57.840 Just like when people go, oh, funny, Asian American. 1.00

00:48:00.640 It's like, bro, I'm just a comedian, man.

00:48:03.540 Yeah.

00:48:04.120 You know what I mean?

00:48:04.600 Like, there's no difference from me and you.

00:48:08.800 We're funny for what we talk about.

00:48:10.820 Yeah.

00:48:11.180 You know what I mean?

00:48:11.720 And, you know, I think there are different genres of comedy.

00:48:15.580 You know what I mean?

00:48:16.040 There's a puppeteer, and then there's a dancer, and then there's a magician, and there's political, 1.00

00:48:20.760 and there's all kinds of shit. 0.99

00:48:22.800 That, you can separate us by. 0.99

00:48:25.040 Yeah.

00:48:25.420 But we're storytellers, man.

00:48:27.920 Yeah.

00:48:28.360 We're comics that tell our stories.

00:48:30.040 Yeah, I like that.

00:48:30.820 That's a good point.

00:48:31.980 Yeah, I never really felt into that space, kind of.

00:48:34.280 But I think I always felt like I had to fight this label or something.

00:48:36.920 I think a lot of the war was in, maybe possibly even in my own head, you know?

00:48:39.820 Yeah.

00:48:40.980 No, it was.

00:48:41.880 You were right, because I felt the same way with me.

00:48:44.620 I felt like, I don't understand why you guys are making me fight for this.

00:48:47.960 It's obvious.

00:48:48.680 I'm funny.

00:48:49.360 Yeah.

00:48:49.740 So, that's why I love Chelsea so much, because she saw it right away when, you know, I used

00:48:54.140 to open for John Lovitz, and then, did I tell you this story?

00:48:57.360 No, I didn't know that.

00:48:58.200 So, I used to open for John Lovitz at the Laugh Factory, and this is when I'm cleaning

00:49:01.960 yachts and selling shoes at Nordstrom Rack.

00:49:05.180 I remember when I was going to Nordstrom Rack, and I'd look at my phone, it's just a number,

00:49:07.880 and I answered, and it's like, hi, it's John Lovitz, and I'm freaking out, because I used

00:49:12.840 to impersonate him in school, you know what I mean?

00:49:15.180 The liar and all that stuff, you know, all those jokes. 0.76

00:49:17.280 Yeah, yeah. 0.62

00:49:17.540 And then, here he is, actually, on my phone, and he's like, I really, I've been watching

00:49:21.980 you at the Laugh Factory, and I really want you to open for me.

00:49:25.960 You'd be hysterical.

00:49:28.460 I'm doing a show, I'm doing a show every Wednesday night. 0.99

00:49:32.180 Lovitz Wednesdays, or some shit, I don't know. 0.99

00:49:34.100 Love it or not, or some shit, I'm trying to make shit up. 0.98

00:49:36.720 And then, so I was like, yeah, and I started doing these shows with him, and next thing 0.98

00:49:41.280 you know, this is a true story, you're going to love this. 0.97

00:49:43.680 This is such a fucking weird thing. 0.97

00:49:46.260 You ready, Nick? 0.98

00:49:46.900 I don't know if I told you this story, but he goes, I'm going to start, I'm going to

00:49:51.700 start, this is so funny, I'm going to start putting this lady on the show, her name is 0.90

00:49:58.380 Chelsea Handler.

00:49:59.800 She's so funny.

00:50:01.560 She's my only friend on MySpace. 1.00

00:50:03.440 I'm like, what the fuck? 0.99

00:50:06.720 He goes, when you go home, go to your MySpace. 1.00

00:50:10.320 She's my only friend, her and Tom.

00:50:13.920 And I went home, and it was literally Tom and her, and that's when I found out who Chelsea 0.99

00:50:17.980 was, and she started doing these shows, and after every show, she would talk so much shit. 1.00

00:50:23.480 So while John's on stage, she's just talking shit, and then she's like, I want you to be 0.99

00:50:27.160 my sidekick. 0.99

00:50:27.920 I got this show idea, and we're pitching this show, and I want you to be my sidekick.

00:50:33.520 And so I was pretty much supposed to be Chewy.

00:50:36.520 Wow.

00:50:36.960 Yeah.

00:50:37.480 And then I turned it down.

00:50:40.280 But we went through all kinds of meetings.

00:50:43.760 They weren't full-on production meetings, but it was ideas and going through the meetings

00:50:47.900 and getting ready for the pitch.

00:50:48.880 And then finally, I was just like, I go, hey, Chelsea.

00:50:52.060 I called her on the phone.

00:50:53.140 I was like, hey, I just, I really want to be my guy.

00:50:57.600 Like, I don't want to be a sidekick.

00:50:58.700 I'm trying to find this.

00:51:00.800 I want to do my own special.

00:51:02.100 I want to blah, blah, blah.

00:51:02.740 And she cursed me out, bro. 1.00

00:51:04.380 Damn. 1.00

00:51:04.760 She's like, oh, good luck with that fucking shit. 1.00

00:51:06.340 Watch this, blah, blah, blah. 1.00

00:51:07.080 She just cursed me out. 1.00

00:51:08.580 She's like, this show's going to be a fucking hit. 1.00

00:51:10.740 You made the wrong fucking decision. 1.00

00:51:11.920 And then she hangs up the phone, and I'm just like, oh. 1.00

00:51:15.080 And six months later, Chelsea, lately, is just blowing up. 0.76

00:51:18.900 Wow.

00:51:19.160 And I'm at Nordstrom Rack.

00:51:20.820 And I remember my ex-wife picking me up, and while she's driving me home, she's like,

00:51:25.520 I'm recording this show right now.

00:51:26.700 We got to get home.

00:51:27.560 This lady, Chelsea Hanlon, she's so funny. 0.99

00:51:30.300 And I'm like, that's the fucking show I was supposed to be on. 0.99

00:51:33.260 Dang. 0.99

00:51:33.780 And I remember I was so depressed and wondering why I said no to it.

00:51:40.100 And for six months, I didn't get a call from her.

00:51:42.300 And then finally, she called me.

00:51:43.380 But anyways, what I was getting at, I feel like I'm always fighting to tell people I'm funny.

00:51:51.220 Chelsea was the only one that said yes.

00:51:54.500 And it was funny, because it was just like Comedy Central's passing on me.

00:51:58.960 ABC turned me down.

00:52:00.620 I got on this one pilot.

00:52:01.940 They fired me.

00:52:02.620 And it's just like, what is going on?

00:52:04.860 Why don't I have an hour yet?

00:52:06.160 I don't understand why I don't have an hour.

00:52:07.620 I'm crushing on the road right now.

00:52:09.020 Why don't I have an hour?

00:52:09.720 So, yeah, I feel you, man.

00:52:11.900 I just like, what is it that you're not getting?

00:52:13.920 Is it because you guys don't get it?

00:52:15.280 Because the country gets it.

00:52:17.580 Right.

00:52:18.380 Why aren't you guys getting it? 1.00

00:52:20.060 So, did you feel that way when you were shooting your shit? 0.99

00:52:24.100 Yeah, I mean, I guess I felt, I started to get upset. 0.99

00:52:27.180 Like, you go into a lot of rooms in LA.

00:52:29.620 And it's a lot of the same person when you go in there.

00:52:32.520 Whether or not the industry wants to really admit it, I feel like it's always, it's usually

00:52:37.480 like a really liberal person.

00:52:38.920 And it's just, and that's fine.

00:52:40.520 It's just always the same person.

00:52:42.520 Yeah.

00:52:42.800 So, it's like, at a certain point, I'm like, well, how can any of these people have any,

00:52:48.340 like, at a certain point, there's just too much of the same, they're just looking through

00:52:53.120 too much of a similar lens.

00:52:55.060 Yeah.

00:52:55.540 Even if they don't, just like if I went into a place and it was all like redneck women 1.00

00:53:01.320 or something, at a certain point, I'd be like, this is just too, there's too much of

00:53:05.060 a monopoly on the point of view.

00:53:06.780 Yeah, exactly.

00:53:07.580 And at a certain point, it's just like, I'm just like a salmon, but the water's too thick,

00:53:11.100 man.

00:53:11.240 It's just like, this, you know, and it made me feel like, but it also made me feel like

00:53:16.480 really unwanted.

00:53:17.580 It made me feel.

00:53:18.240 That's how I felt.

00:53:18.960 And it made me mad because it was like, man, I, you know, you're supposed to, you're telling

00:53:24.160 me that I'm supposed to come out of my small town and get to Hollywood and this is where

00:53:27.260 you can make it.

00:53:28.000 And this is, but then I get there and it's like, you don't want any, nobody like me,

00:53:32.920 you don't want anybody like me.

00:53:34.200 Yeah.

00:53:34.340 You know, and I think it was also like around, um, I mean, I think I kind of made my switch

00:53:40.180 for things like right around like the last election and it was like, um, like somebody

00:53:46.220 wrote an article about my special where it was like, uh, Oh, this guy would be a perfect,

00:53:51.020 this is the Trump's perfect special, you know?

00:53:53.660 And it's like, don't you see, this is a character.

00:53:55.660 This is like, yeah, don't you have any satire? 1.00

00:53:58.320 Like what a fucking idiot writer, you know, like it just, I don't know, man. 1.00

00:54:02.800 I just felt so turned off by such a, a, a industry that was supposed to be welcoming to everybody. 1.00

00:54:09.400 And then it felt like, Oh, not everybody.

00:54:11.920 Yeah.

00:54:12.200 Not everybody.

00:54:12.980 You're, you're so right.

00:54:13.900 And then, I, then they put you in that.

00:54:15.920 Oh, there you are.

00:54:17.100 Yeah.

00:54:17.640 And then it doesn't already have a favorite standup comedian.

00:54:20.160 Uh, he may find his kindred spirit in Theo Vaughn. 1.00

00:54:22.560 And that's just fucking, I mean, what an asshole. 1.00

00:54:25.240 And this guy's long been a shitty writer. 1.00

00:54:27.160 Yeah. 0.99

00:54:27.380 I mean, he doesn't have a career.

00:54:28.380 And then, you know what else?

00:54:29.100 Don't shout this guy out by the way.

00:54:30.300 And then, uh, you know what I mean?

00:54:31.700 Like you shouldn't even put it up because you, you just, you're giving them energy, which 0.97

00:54:35.920 is stupid because obviously this guy is desperate and he was always desperate and he would always 0.87

00:54:41.020 write about like the soup, like Schumer, he would always, and they would always make fun 1.00

00:54:44.600 of him behind his back.

00:54:45.420 That was the craziest thing. 1.00

00:54:46.720 I'd always been like, Oh, he's such a loser. 0.99

00:54:48.480 And he's meanwhile, just peddling to write whatever article. 0.99

00:54:51.600 Yeah.

00:54:51.840 And I'm like, just the whole industry kind of made me a little bit sick, but that's

00:54:55.280 when I started doing podcasting.

00:54:56.860 And that's like when TFATK had me on.

00:54:59.740 Yeah.

00:55:00.500 Um, Rogan had me on.

00:55:02.140 You guys had me on over there when you were working at Corolla Studios.

00:55:04.780 Yeah.

00:55:05.060 You crushed.

00:55:05.960 Um, just different.

00:55:07.240 And that's when you found it, right?

00:55:08.460 Yeah.

00:55:08.680 That's when I was like, Oh, I'm just going to talk about stuff that I know about.

00:55:11.440 I'm just going to talk about just my life.

00:55:13.200 And you know, what's, you know, you know, what's cool is like as, as much as that pisses

00:55:17.340 me off.

00:55:17.920 Right.

00:55:18.260 But I'm kind of glad that that happened.

00:55:22.700 Yeah.

00:55:23.420 You know what I mean?

00:55:23.840 Especially with Netflix.

00:55:24.880 Like I told you the story, right?

00:55:26.160 I had to pay for it.

00:55:26.920 Yeah.

00:55:27.020 You had to do your own.

00:55:27.840 Yeah.

00:55:28.080 And like, I did not understand why I had to pay for my own special.

00:55:31.200 Like I, it, I remember backstage after I, I taped the first show, me and my agent, my

00:55:36.620 manager, and I'm just like, this is so unfair.

00:55:38.500 Like I was so mad. 1.00

00:55:39.480 Like, this is, this is bullshit. 1.00

00:55:41.460 Like, I don't get it. 1.00

00:55:42.620 Like, Oh, it would have made me mad.

00:55:43.560 Yeah.

00:55:43.760 Cause it's like, you know, cause say, Oh, by the way, they already said when I, when

00:55:48.560 I said I was shooting in Seattle, uh, they made sure to call and go, Hey, we just want

00:55:52.580 you guys to know we don't, we're not interested.

00:55:54.440 Like they really wanted to make sure that we knew that.

00:55:58.640 So like, just imagine the pressure, bro.

00:56:01.760 And like, and my son's laying on the couch in the green room.

00:56:04.560 I'm broke after this special.

00:56:06.340 I'm, I'm done.

00:56:07.000 All the money that I saved up done. 1.00

00:56:09.100 And then I was just like, this is bullshit. 0.99

00:56:10.980 Why, why do I got to fight and sell this? 0.99

00:56:13.160 And then they still, yeah.

00:56:14.200 And then you have to, then you have to put it on their network.

00:56:16.380 How much did they?

00:56:17.260 Well here, Oh, hold on.

00:56:18.080 I don't want to get fired from Netflix.

00:56:20.300 I love Netflix.

00:56:22.160 Don't get me wrong.

00:56:24.100 It wasn't their fault.

00:56:25.900 Right.

00:56:26.400 You know what I mean?

00:56:26.960 It's just the uphill we're talking about.

00:56:28.340 It was the uphill.

00:56:29.160 It was the obstacle.

00:56:29.880 They, they were, they were booked.

00:56:31.660 They were legit.

00:56:32.800 They were legit built.

00:56:33.820 And who's to say, who's to say, cause I, I, I use this example all the time.

00:56:38.720 Right.

00:56:38.900 Like, it's like, you can't get mad at someone that's responsible for billions of dollars.

00:56:44.680 Right.

00:56:45.100 Right.

00:56:45.360 And they hire certain people like, all right, you get, you get 50 million.

00:56:49.340 I want you to buy a bunch of talent.

00:56:51.160 Yo, it's their job to write these checks.

00:56:54.200 Right.

00:56:54.660 And say my, my special flops, which I knew it wasn't, but say it did.

00:56:59.360 They're the ones that get in trouble.

00:57:00.540 So it's like, imagine if I had a couple million dollars and someone goes, go find me some talent.

00:57:04.560 Like, that's a scary job.

00:57:06.320 And I get it.

00:57:07.060 And I, I do understand that.

00:57:08.420 And I'm, I know I'm making excuses, but I'm also happy that they, they didn't give me a special because I went and shot that thing myself.

00:57:18.000 And I went on to shoot three more on my own for Netflix and, and, and the, the, the two that, that I shot after that, they gave me the money.

00:57:26.060 Like they literally just gave me the money and said, here, here, we're all in just, you shoot it.

00:57:30.480 You did so good on that first special.

00:57:32.160 We don't want to touch it.

00:57:33.420 Yeah.

00:57:33.780 They gave me full creative control.

00:57:35.380 Wow. 0.95

00:57:35.700 So it's like, yeah, I was fucked up with the obstacle that they gave me. 0.94

00:57:39.400 But when I showed them that I could do it and give them a good product, they bought three more from me. 0.84

00:57:44.660 Right.

00:57:45.160 So it's like, yeah, it's so crazy.

00:57:46.580 Yeah.

00:57:46.700 It's like, you just got to get that scale to tip.

00:57:48.620 You just have to.

00:57:49.920 And maybe that's what it was with you.

00:57:51.440 Maybe it's like, yo, you keep getting pushed up against the wall. 1.00

00:57:54.020 And then finally you're like, yo, fuck it. 1.00

00:57:55.260 I'm right here. 1.00

00:57:56.400 I'll just do it.

00:57:57.100 This is what I'm going to do.

00:57:58.340 I'm going to do me right here.

00:57:59.600 Yeah.

00:58:00.120 And then you look what you did.

00:58:01.540 Now, now everyone's on you.

00:58:02.920 And now we have a, yeah, now we have a new special that we're doing with Netflix, which is cool.

00:58:06.580 But yeah, I feel you.

00:58:08.740 I think it's just like, I don't know.

00:58:10.760 Sometimes it did just seem like the journey, like the, the, the struggle was easier for other people.

00:58:14.900 But, but it's like, oh man, feel.

00:58:17.620 Yeah.

00:58:18.180 I can.

00:58:18.500 We both know.

00:58:19.240 Yeah.

00:58:19.960 And it made us, it did make us bad.

00:58:23.120 Cause I, I know who you're talking about.

00:58:25.020 Yeah.

00:58:25.460 It's not fair.

00:58:26.120 We, we, we, we came up at the same time.

00:58:28.880 Yeah.

00:58:29.320 So you and I both saw, you know, certain comics and we're not hating on them.

00:58:34.860 We're not, but we just knew that we, there was an obstacle and it wasn't fair.

00:58:40.600 Yeah.

00:58:41.780 Cause I know what you're talking about. 0.99

00:58:42.940 Cause there was, I would watch a special and go, what the fuck? 0.99

00:58:45.780 Really? 1.00

00:58:46.820 Fucking really? 0.99

00:58:48.780 But I wouldn't go public with it. 0.99

00:58:50.460 Right. 1.00

00:58:50.660 I wouldn't be like, yo, fuck this. 1.00

00:58:52.180 Oh, I always have to bite my tongue. 1.00

00:58:53.940 But, but I knew it doesn't.

00:58:55.760 Yeah.

00:58:56.120 But, but I knew, but I knew my time was coming.

00:59:00.080 I knew it.

00:59:01.280 And if I had to make it, then I had to make it and I'll still make it.

00:59:04.580 Dude.

00:59:04.700 They gave me another one, by the way.

00:59:05.840 They just, I just signed another deal for my fourth.

00:59:08.740 That's crazy.

00:59:09.660 And, and I'm ready and they want me to shoot now. 0.98

00:59:12.580 And I'm like, no, I know exactly when I'm going to shoot it. 0.93

00:59:16.160 And I know exactly where I'm going to shoot it.

00:59:18.000 And that's where it's going to be.

00:59:19.480 Dang.

00:59:19.700 That creative control is so important, right?

00:59:22.620 Yeah.

00:59:23.520 Oh yeah.

00:59:24.080 And that's one thing that's nice about Netflix is that they give you that.

00:59:26.480 Yeah.

00:59:27.720 Shout out to all of them, by the way.

00:59:29.040 I just want to do that.

00:59:30.620 Robbie Prague, Neil, Joanne, they, they, man, Robert Guillermo, yo, they are amazing over

00:59:37.340 at Netflix.

00:59:38.180 Yeah.

00:59:38.580 And, uh, and yo, and I always say that, you know, I, what I just told you right now,

00:59:43.100 I did on stage in Malaysia, right?

00:59:45.400 I was doing this huge venue in Malaysia and I, and I told the whole Netflix,

00:59:49.940 story about how they didn't give me the, the deal and how I tried to get them to come

00:59:54.380 down and they kept canceling, you know, come to this show.

00:59:57.520 I'll, I'll, I'll fly you out.

00:59:59.000 I even, I told my manager, I'll fly them to San Francisco.

01:00:01.620 I'll leave the jet running.

01:00:03.440 Come watch my set.

01:00:04.660 We'll, we'll shuttle them back to the jet and fly back.

01:00:07.120 Like, like I wanted that special so bad, bro.

01:00:09.620 And they kept turning it down and I was like, I don't get it.

01:00:12.000 Like, why, why don't you want to see what I'm doing right now?

01:00:14.780 Like I was really hurt by it and I was saying this on stage and then I, you know, and then

01:00:19.220 ended the story by saying, Hey, I shot it myself and then they bought it from me.

01:00:24.300 So what I'm trying to say is don't let obstacles get in front.

01:00:26.620 It's like an inspirational story.

01:00:28.000 Right.

01:00:28.280 Yeah.

01:00:28.880 And then they were there and I had no idea that, uh, one of the execs was there and he 0.98

01:00:37.120 was in line and he came and you know, the meet and greet and my fucking heart fell out of my 0.99

01:00:43.620 chest. 0.99

01:00:44.060 Oh, that would be hectic.

01:00:45.340 And I'm like, yo, I don't want to say his name, but, uh, I go, what?

01:00:50.100 I go, you know that I, you know, I, I, I'm just telling my side of the story and, you

01:00:55.520 know, but as you could tell, like, I gave you guys love that he was, you know, you don't

01:00:58.460 need to explain.

01:00:59.580 He goes, I want you to tell that story.

01:01:02.060 He goes, please tell that story.

01:01:03.780 In fact, do that story on your next special on Netflix.

01:01:06.620 Tell that story.

01:01:07.860 Yeah.

01:01:08.680 And I was like, he was cool with it.

01:01:10.600 And when he said that, I just hugged him and I was like, thank you.

01:01:13.500 I just, you know, there, there was just a lot of struggle that I was going through.

01:01:16.900 I had a lot of tears, you know what I mean?

01:01:18.660 And yeah, there's nowhere to put it all a lot of times.

01:01:20.720 There's nowhere to put it except in your work.

01:01:22.300 Like nobody wants to hear like a lot of the, you know, the sob story just doesn't really,

01:01:27.980 there's no real place for it.

01:01:29.260 There never is in the world.

01:01:30.380 It's like all of your, what do you think that is, Theo?

01:01:34.100 What do you think it is that people don't want to hear the sob story?

01:01:36.620 Well, it's not even a sob story.

01:01:38.200 It's an, it's an emotional story.

01:01:40.780 It's a, it's a grind.

01:01:42.680 Like when people hear like what you just said to me, like, I didn't know that about you.

01:01:46.620 I didn't know you were struggling through that.

01:01:48.240 I really didn't.

01:01:48.820 And I, I always looked at you as the guy that was like killing it.

01:01:55.200 And it was kind of making me jealous.

01:01:56.760 Cause I knew I had like at least 10 years on you.

01:01:59.380 You know what I mean?

01:01:59.860 But I, I'd never said that.

01:02:01.100 I, every time I told you, I praised you. 1.00

01:02:02.960 I was posting your shit. 0.99

01:02:04.700 You're always super nice. 1.00

01:02:05.640 Yeah.

01:02:06.020 Cause I, cause you're funny.

01:02:07.400 You're really funny.

01:02:07.960 And, and, um, but it inspired that, that inspires me.

01:02:12.540 Like when I see someone blowing up, that inspires me.

01:02:14.940 That's like, okay, it's possible.

01:02:16.060 What is it that people don't want to hear?

01:02:18.820 Is it cause they don't want any motivation?

01:02:21.440 Do they not want to be inspired?

01:02:22.860 Do they like being where they're at?

01:02:25.400 Does that make sense?

01:02:27.060 Yeah, I think it makes sense.

01:02:27.900 That's a good question, man.

01:02:29.120 I think there's, I think the motivational side of it, there's, there's a place for it.

01:02:34.880 There's a place to share your struggle.

01:02:36.400 There's a place to share what happened and what it was like and your point of view.

01:02:39.620 I think what there isn't a lot of times is there's no, here's what there isn't.

01:02:46.860 There's never an apology.

01:02:49.420 Yeah.

01:02:49.860 There's never like, and from the industry, from whatever your, your idea in our heads of

01:02:56.140 what the industry is, what, there's never like, Hey, I'm, I'm sorry.

01:02:59.840 We didn't, you know, there's never.

01:03:02.760 And I think that sometimes like can be like, it's just an unforgiving business.

01:03:08.400 Yeah.

01:03:08.720 There's no apologies.

01:03:09.880 There's no whatever it'll.

01:03:11.520 And, and it's in the end, it's, it's just what I've learned about business.

01:03:15.340 That business is just, you know, like you said, it's somebody in an office who, you know,

01:03:21.340 finally Robbie Praw came and saw me downtown at the Wiltern and we crushed it.

01:03:26.420 And it was like, and he was really great, gracious backstage and like really kind.

01:03:29.960 And like, um, and it was different, like, you know, in my head, I'm always thinking

01:03:35.180 like, Oh, these people don't like me or they don't, you know, uh, you know, and, but all

01:03:42.940 that's just my side of the story.

01:03:44.480 They're just doing business.

01:03:45.400 They're not thinking about me.

01:03:46.360 They're just thinking about whatever they have to do that day in their business.

01:03:49.020 Like, like anybody else.

01:03:50.640 Yeah.

01:03:50.920 But there's never an apology.

01:03:52.040 That's, I think there's never, it's like that about a lot of things in life.

01:03:55.660 Like there's never, you know, there's never like your, maybe your dad behaved a certain

01:04:01.140 way when you were young.

01:04:02.100 There's, there's no way to get a, like a healing from it.

01:04:06.980 Sometimes there's just never a healing.

01:04:08.180 You have to do it all yourself.

01:04:09.620 Yeah.

01:04:10.000 You have to like, just forgive, you know, even if you made the war up in your own head

01:04:15.540 or whatever, you have to forgive.

01:04:16.960 You have to forgive.

01:04:18.040 You have to, there's never that moment of like, Hey, we were wrong, you know?

01:04:23.800 I, and I don't know if that's one thing about life.

01:04:26.320 That's kind of tough sometimes is, um, you know, cause I struggle with my relationship

01:04:30.160 with my mother and I, but at a certain point, it's like, what am I going to do?

01:04:33.120 How, like, you know, she's an older, she's getting older now.

01:04:37.200 It's like, all I can do is be forgiving, you know, just, I may never get whatever it was 0.86

01:04:44.860 I needed her to, you know, to say or to do that shit may have long sailed, you know? 0.91

01:04:48.980 Man, we are the same person, man. 0.99

01:04:51.300 Yeah, you're so right about that.

01:04:54.280 And it's hard.

01:04:55.180 It's a hard pill to swallow too.

01:04:56.980 It's a hard pill to swallow. 1.00

01:04:57.940 Ego is a motherfucker, bro. 1.00

01:05:00.060 It's scary, bro. 1.00

01:05:01.820 Look, I want to tell you that I have been having an issue getting a home mortgage loan and refinance.

01:05:08.940 And one of the reasons, cause I got a couple of dings on the credit.

01:05:13.080 You know, I call Experian and say, Hey boy, you danged up.

01:05:15.680 You banged up, son.

01:05:17.460 I didn't make a couple payments on time.

01:05:19.660 Timely payments, they say.

01:05:21.940 Well, thankfully, I'm working with a company called Bridge Credit Solutions.

01:05:26.620 They are different.

01:05:28.320 They are backed with 100% money back guarantee for any items they cannot remove.

01:05:34.340 That's right.

01:05:34.960 You will not find that anywhere in the credit repair industry.

01:05:37.720 You'll know exactly what you're paying for at the beginning of the repair.

01:05:42.320 Bridge Credit Solutions prides itself on its lightning quick turnaround time.

01:05:47.320 They will guarantee removal of certain negative items in as quick as 24 hours.

01:05:54.140 That's right.

01:05:55.360 Now, you will need to have Bridge Credit Report access prior to scheduling your audit.

01:06:01.040 They cannot go over your credit report without it, but that costs just $1.

01:06:07.080 They are very personable, and they take credit repair seriously.

01:06:10.860 You can call or text no matter the hour.

01:06:14.300 Go check them out.

01:06:15.040 They're helping me.

01:06:17.140 BridgeCreditSolutions.com slash Theo.

01:06:19.500 I see it with a lot of these, like, athletes, too.

01:06:22.560 You see them struggling with ego.

01:06:24.040 You know, Antonio Brown and, you know, Michael Thomas is having an issue this year, it seems

01:06:28.500 like, with the Saints.

01:06:29.340 Just, like, the hype and the, you know, just what it is.

01:06:33.620 I mean, that's a separate avenue, but just what that does to us thinking about ourselves.

01:06:39.140 Well, it's not us thinking.

01:06:40.580 What I meant by ego is, like, just being a little too prideful where you're like,

01:06:45.080 Right.

01:06:45.640 I know I'm right, and until you say sorry, then we can just not talk.

01:06:51.200 Yeah.

01:06:51.560 Right?

01:06:51.940 Is that what we're saying?

01:06:53.040 Oh, yeah.

01:06:53.540 Totally.

01:06:53.920 Yeah, that's a good point.

01:06:54.720 Yeah.

01:06:54.900 It's like, until you figure out your side of it.

01:06:57.000 Yeah.

01:06:57.480 But then sometimes it's like you're holding a grudge that's never going to be.

01:07:04.380 It's never going to be.

01:07:05.480 Completed from the other side.

01:07:06.640 Yep.

01:07:07.080 So then it just leaves you sitting there with the pieces, and it's like, okay, well, what

01:07:10.040 are you going to do? 0.99

01:07:10.880 Are you going to keep cutting your wrist with these pieces, or are you going to fucking, you 0.99

01:07:14.360 know, you're going to make them into like a stained glass window and fucking move on? 0.99

01:07:18.200 Yeah. 0.90

01:07:18.260 You know, it's like, but it's hard. 0.98

01:07:21.140 And sometimes you'll make the window, and that bitch will fall apart again, and you'll 1.00

01:07:23.640 fucking get them back out. 1.00

01:07:24.780 So true. 0.99

01:07:26.180 It's crazy, man. 1.00

01:07:27.060 Oh, fuck, it's on the ground again. 1.00

01:07:28.540 Yeah. 1.00

01:07:28.780 It's so beautiful for a minute.

01:07:30.500 Yeah.

01:07:31.500 For a weekend.

01:07:32.700 It made sense. 1.00

01:07:34.000 It's back on the fucking ground. 0.99

01:07:35.640 It's going to take me months to fix. 0.99

01:07:37.880 But then also, it's like, you don't, like, I think you don't realize, like, that you're

01:07:41.900 the story for people a lot of times.

01:07:43.620 Like, man, Joe Coy had to make his own, had to convince these people, like, had to, and

01:07:49.360 to me, it would be the most obvious thing.

01:07:51.220 Like, you know, it always seemed like they're making, they're looking for diversity.

01:07:54.120 They're looking for, you know, who else, what other, what are they going to get, Manny 0.99

01:07:58.640 Pacquiao to fucking tell jokes? 0.99

01:08:00.240 Like, he can't even hold the microphone, the gloves. 1.00

01:08:02.220 That's crazy.

01:08:02.760 I see them, I see them, it kept slipping.

01:08:04.840 This microphone, it needs to be stickier.

01:08:10.340 So, it's like, what was their plan?

01:08:12.140 How do they, and then, and then the gift you also give them by reaching this audience.

01:08:17.140 Yeah, man. 1.00

01:08:17.540 Like, fuck, bro, that's a huge gift. 1.00

01:08:20.520 And so, it's hard sometimes to feel when you've been burned to then turn around and realize 1.00

01:08:25.220 that now you're just gifting, you know, even more of, you know, of an audience to this

01:08:33.120 already huge, you know, conglomerate.

01:08:35.620 But that's just.

01:08:36.500 I'm just happy that, that you and I live in that time where we got to show these kids that,

01:08:43.720 hey, you got to open these doors.

01:08:45.520 Yeah.

01:08:46.240 No matter how many.

01:08:46.960 People did it.

01:08:47.520 Huh?

01:08:47.760 People also did it by coming to see us, by not giving, like, fans, that's what it is,

01:08:51.440 support.

01:08:52.240 You know, people are like, I'm going to go see Joe Coy make this special because I know

01:08:56.320 that he brings joy, you know, to me.

01:08:59.000 Or I'm going to go be there at the Wiltern and have a great time.

01:09:02.740 And all those people don't realize that all of that goes into that moment where, like,

01:09:09.180 the executive finally says, oh, okay, this is a new piece of business for us.

01:09:13.160 Yeah, exactly, because that's how they see it.

01:09:15.540 You're so right, man.

01:09:16.680 It's just, it's tough when art and your heart meet, you know, when art and business meet

01:09:24.820 each other.

01:09:25.940 It's just, it's a, it's just a tough thing, man.

01:09:29.640 It is.

01:09:30.260 Here's a fellow right here who has a, wants to chime in.

01:09:32.960 Yeah.

01:09:33.280 He looks like he's been growing a baby hair mustache for a long time.

01:09:36.240 Oh, yeah.

01:09:36.840 This guy definitely.

01:09:37.620 What's up, Theo?

01:09:38.000 What's up, Joe?

01:09:38.580 Hey, what's up?

01:09:39.120 My name's Troy.

01:09:39.740 I live in Ohio.

01:09:40.900 I just got home from work.

01:09:42.440 Long day at the office.

01:09:43.600 A question to you two is, how do you stay positive knowing that your dreams are pretty

01:09:50.480 much in the gutter?

01:09:51.780 You had to cash in that corporate check in order to pay for some bills and didn't end

01:09:58.900 up getting that dream.

01:10:01.060 You know, both of y'all are standard comedians.

01:10:03.080 Both of y'all do your thing.

01:10:04.120 But for those others out there, people like me, what do we got to say so we can keep on

01:10:09.860 trucking?

01:10:10.160 Man, how crazy that you press play to that video after we just said this.

01:10:15.440 And that's just like crazy.

01:10:17.040 Nick's on point, man.

01:10:18.400 Nick does a great job.

01:10:20.320 But man, like there's a lot of people like out there that think like that, you know,

01:10:26.300 and like, yo, it's done for me.

01:10:29.220 Did you think like that at a point?

01:10:30.520 Yes.

01:10:30.620 So take us there and then take us out of there.

01:10:32.320 Bro, when I was working at at Nordstrom Rack, I swear, and Tony Rock just got a deal with

01:10:39.520 some.

01:10:40.440 I forgot what the show was, but it was being produced by Will Smith.

01:10:43.720 And, you know, and we're doing the Laugh Factory every night and I'm at Nordstrom Rack.

01:10:48.800 I'm crushing every night, bro.

01:10:50.880 Oh, I'm wearing waiter's outfits. 0.99

01:10:52.920 I got mustard and shit on my chest and I'm crushing, you know, alongside Tony and Dane 0.98

01:10:59.260 and Bob Saget. 0.99

01:11:00.620 Like I'm fucking slaying, bro. 0.99

01:11:03.560 But then I'm shelving shoes and I'm trying to buy diapers and I'm just trying to make 0.99

01:11:07.340 these DVDs to sell.

01:11:08.800 And barely shelving shoes.

01:11:10.000 I'll be honest at Nordstrom Rack.

01:11:11.380 Yeah, man.

01:11:12.060 Rarely do you get a match.

01:11:13.980 Rarely. 0.98

01:11:14.440 And by the way, when I say shelving shoes, I'm just grabbing the shit that's on the floor 0.97

01:11:17.900 and throwing it back on the rack. 0.98

01:11:19.600 Oh, I've left in a sandal and a boot.

01:11:21.000 Oh, 100.

01:11:23.160 Easily, dog.

01:11:23.900 Oh, man.

01:11:24.600 When they always came to ask me for a size, I go back there. 0.99

01:11:27.960 I literally went back there to not look for that fucking size. 1.00

01:11:31.940 I gave two shits. 1.00

01:11:33.420 It was a five minute break for me and I came back in. 0.99

01:11:36.120 I'm like, I can't find it.

01:11:37.640 I think someone that tried it on left it out there.

01:11:40.980 Good luck. 1.00

01:11:42.080 And you just see this bitch like, well, my God, can someone pick up these fucking shoes? 1.00

01:11:46.600 There's so many. 1.00

01:11:47.640 It was like supermarket sweep for your feet, I feel like, in that store.

01:11:50.640 Oh, for real.

01:11:51.000 That was just insane.

01:11:52.180 Get the hands. 0.99

01:11:53.080 I remember I was walking down the aisle because I had to pick up shoes and put them in a trash

01:11:57.560 can.

01:11:58.240 And then you fill up the trash can and then you restock it, right?

01:12:02.060 As I'm going down each aisle, there's a lady that had a shoe on and it didn't work and she 1.00

01:12:06.820 just kicked it.

01:12:07.880 And we both, our eyes locked. 1.00

01:12:09.640 I'm like, you bitch. 1.00

01:12:10.940 And then she's like, I'll get it. 1.00

01:12:12.360 I'm like, yeah, bitch, go get it. 1.00

01:12:14.220 And won't you get the rest? 1.00

01:12:16.540 You're the reason for this mess. 1.00

01:12:18.940 You bitch. 1.00

01:12:19.860 She's just in there, this Ursula footwear. 1.00

01:12:21.960 Yeah, yeah.

01:12:22.380 She's just trying them on and kicking them off. 0.65

01:12:24.380 But what I was saying is, dude, there was times where I wanted to quit, man.

01:12:28.900 I just wanted to quit.

01:12:30.300 I was getting so mad.

01:12:32.460 You know, you see all these guys just getting stuff, man.

01:12:35.460 And you're just like, dude, what am I doing?

01:12:37.520 Why am I doing this?

01:12:38.300 Even my mom was telling me, just get a full-time job already.

01:12:41.480 Like your son's getting older now and not older, but he was like two.

01:12:45.880 But she's like, you got to start thinking about, you know, school.

01:12:48.960 What kind of school?

01:12:49.880 What kind of insurance are you going to get your son?

01:12:51.840 Like you don't have a job.

01:12:53.400 Like you're working part-time. 1.00

01:12:54.520 And that shit is in your ear, but it's also like reality. 1.00

01:12:59.260 You're like, yeah, I got to start thinking about my son. 1.00

01:13:02.320 Maybe I'll go be a manager at a bank or something.

01:13:05.440 Like I'll throw in the towel.

01:13:06.520 I don't know.

01:13:07.720 So yeah, a lot of that was happening.

01:13:09.460 But I was like, no, I refuse.

01:13:12.360 I couldn't do it, man.

01:13:14.080 I just kept selling to it.

01:13:15.180 You know, I shot it.

01:13:16.160 There's an hour special floating out there.

01:13:17.940 I know someone has it.

01:13:19.220 But I remember paying someone 500 bucks or something like that for like three cameras

01:13:24.240 to go shoot me somewhere.

01:13:25.680 And I was going to sell that as my special because everyone else was getting specials.

01:13:29.500 And I couldn't get one.

01:13:30.640 I was like, I need a special. 0.69

01:13:31.960 And I went and shot it.

01:13:32.820 It was like somewhere on Sunset Boulevard, some art museum or something like that.

01:13:37.140 And I went and shot it.

01:13:38.320 And it's out there.

01:13:40.000 Yeah, it's floating out there somewhere, man.

01:13:42.040 That's awesome.

01:13:42.720 Yeah.

01:13:43.360 That would crush if you got your hands on that.

01:13:45.300 I know.

01:13:46.060 Crazy, right?

01:13:46.920 Yeah, I'd find that and sell that.

01:13:49.220 Crazy, right?

01:13:50.400 You know, I used to burn DVDs of my friend Chris.

01:13:52.640 Oh, yeah.

01:13:53.140 Did you buy the three disc tower and you burn them like that?

01:13:55.600 Yes.

01:13:55.880 Yeah, I did that too, dude.

01:13:57.260 I'd cart that thing.

01:13:58.140 I'd put it in my bag. 0.99

01:14:01.100 Take it to wherever to fucking Looney Bin or whatever. 1.00

01:14:04.420 Set that bitch up in the hotel. 1.00

01:14:06.600 What? 1.00

01:14:07.200 And burn those things. 1.00

01:14:09.000 Burn them. 1.00

01:14:09.340 I would write the name of the DVD on it. 1.00

01:14:13.060 Dude, some of the sketches on it, they weren't even fucking mine. 0.99

01:14:15.480 They were the shit I'd found on the internet that I brought on. 0.99

01:14:18.260 That's funny. 0.99

01:14:19.540 That's so funny.

01:14:20.220 Oh, totally, bro. 0.99

01:14:21.280 There was some shit that some of it was just like this black guy singing, dude. 1.00

01:14:24.600 There was like, I don't even know what this shit is. 1.00

01:14:26.360 Bro, how funny is that? 1.00

01:14:27.540 Yeah, you buy it.

01:14:28.180 It was Theo's favorite things to watch.

01:14:32.000 That was the name of your DVD?

01:14:33.520 And one time.

01:14:34.200 Hey, guys, I'm Theo Vaughn.

01:14:35.720 These are some of the funniest things I like to watch.

01:14:38.220 Thank you for buying it.

01:14:41.460 Dude, one time a lady, I just sold her the case on accident. 1.00

01:14:45.980 She got home and came the next day.

01:14:47.580 Oh, there was no DVD in it?

01:14:49.440 Broke my heart, man.

01:14:50.320 And I would print off down in the lobby of the business area.

01:14:53.960 I would print off all the little DVD inserts and put those things in, man.

01:14:58.000 That's so funny.

01:14:59.280 You want to know what I did?

01:15:01.120 I, my friend Chris worked at Blockbuster Video.

01:15:04.740 And they would buy DVDs, right?

01:15:07.280 But it would be Sony and all that, right?

01:15:09.640 The covers.

01:15:10.820 But they wanted their covers to say Blockbuster on the inside of it.

01:15:14.680 So they would take those covers and throw them away and replace those covers with,

01:15:19.700 uh, Blockbuster covers.

01:15:21.660 Wow.

01:15:22.140 And they would have garbage bags full.

01:15:24.860 Bro.

01:15:26.000 That's nice.

01:15:26.320 I had thousands of Blockbuster, like, whatever, those covers.

01:15:30.340 You know what I'm talking about?

01:15:30.920 Yeah, yeah.

01:15:31.260 Those cases.

01:15:31.820 I had cases.

01:15:33.000 That's what they were called.

01:15:33.840 I had so many of those, man.

01:15:35.360 That's classy.

01:15:36.140 And that's, and that's what I, I put my sleeve in that.

01:15:39.280 It looked like a legit DVD, bro.

01:15:41.200 That's awesome.

01:15:41.740 I even scanned a barcode and it's in the bottom right corner.

01:15:44.560 No.

01:15:44.980 I'll, I'll, I'll send you a picture of it.

01:15:46.740 I, I think it's like, it's probably soup.

01:15:48.940 Yeah.

01:15:49.420 If you scan it, it'll probably say Campbell's.

01:15:51.480 I'm not even joking.

01:15:53.900 I even got the logo that said DVD and I put it on the, on the spine of the thing.

01:15:58.100 Yeah.

01:15:58.480 I went and got those printed off at a, a legit printing company.

01:16:01.720 It said Joe Coy's DVD volume one because Jay-Z had a volume one.

01:16:09.420 I sold those for five bucks a pop.

01:16:11.600 Oh, but you buy a stack for a hundred bucks, right?

01:16:15.740 Yeah.

01:16:16.140 It was a stack for a hundred bucks.

01:16:17.360 You get a hundred DVDs and I sold them for five bucks a pop, man.

01:16:20.580 After profit.

01:16:21.540 I mean, your profit was 400.

01:16:23.020 Oh, you can make, yeah.

01:16:23.780 Dude, if you were making some money, man, cause you, you didn't make any money going to do

01:16:28.240 the weekend.

01:16:28.720 No, you never made money on those weekends.

01:16:31.160 Dude, I remember I went 20, over about 10 years, I had 27,000, I think in credit card

01:16:36.180 debt just from doing the road, you know?

01:16:39.220 And it was just, man, that was scary.

01:16:42.520 That was, that was pretty scary.

01:16:43.820 It's rough, man.

01:16:44.360 But I think with having a dream or how you bounce back into it, man, I think one thing

01:16:48.240 that's interesting about these days is you can, you can start so many new things.

01:16:53.000 Like you couldn't back in the day.

01:16:54.680 Yeah.

01:16:55.220 You know, like rarely back in the day did someone go from being like a realist, like a miner

01:16:59.800 in a coal mine, like a real estate, you know?

01:17:02.660 But you could do fracking now.

01:17:04.320 And then two months later, you could be mixing beats.

01:17:07.020 Like you'd be DJing weddings.

01:17:10.160 And I think there's unique ways you can find to create talent and create like some type

01:17:15.320 of revenue for yourself if you want.

01:17:17.220 You know what I said the other day?

01:17:21.200 With all the tools that these kids have now, right?

01:17:23.880 They have so many tools, man.

01:17:25.280 You can make your own book.

01:17:26.500 You can make your own magazine.

01:17:27.780 You can make your own movie in the palm of your hand.

01:17:29.700 And it's getting easier.

01:17:30.980 Legit, your own movie.

01:17:32.560 Your camera is legit this close to being a red camera.

01:17:35.780 Yeah.

01:17:36.180 Like it's, the quality is so good.

01:17:38.640 And everything is in the palm of your hands.

01:17:40.920 And what I'm trying to say is, if you're not doing something because you have an excuse

01:17:47.120 because you need something else, you're literally just lazy.

01:17:50.880 Right.

01:17:51.700 And that's your only problem.

01:17:54.180 It has nothing to do with what you got or how much money you got or I need this or I need

01:18:00.260 that. 0.98

01:18:00.620 You are literally lazy. 1.00

01:18:02.900 You're a lazy person. 1.00

01:18:04.120 And that's the only thing you need to work on. 0.94

01:18:06.080 And you can, and that's something that can be kind of cured, you know?

01:18:08.760 And not even to look at it like, also maximizing your laziness.

01:18:12.720 Yeah, man.

01:18:13.080 You know, like if you're going to be lazy, be lazy, but also have some semblance of a

01:18:16.680 plan of when you're not going to be.

01:18:18.260 Yeah, man.

01:18:19.480 But yeah, I think, I feel like, you know, your dreams can change at any time. 0.61

01:18:23.060 I mean, Nick was a degenerate gambler. 0.65

01:18:25.800 Yeah. 0.99

01:18:26.300 And a drunk.

01:18:26.960 Nick, yeah, thank you.

01:18:28.200 Nick dropped out of school.

01:18:29.760 I have both of those things still, so.

01:18:31.420 Yeah.

01:18:32.620 I want you, I want everyone to know, I know Nick as well.

01:18:36.140 That's right, you know him from a Corolla.

01:18:37.660 And he would roll up and go, hey man, the trunk of my car is missing.

01:18:43.700 Where is it?

01:18:44.900 It's behind a bar.

01:18:46.980 Yeah.

01:18:47.400 And then when I did get fired, yeah, Theo likes to say, pick me up off the free agent

01:18:50.640 wire.

01:18:51.660 Yeah, he was on CBS Sports Fantasy, yeah.

01:18:53.860 Yeah.

01:18:54.340 He was always great, man.

01:18:56.660 Nick was always great.

01:18:57.920 Yeah.

01:18:58.800 Yeah, man.

01:18:59.180 Nick's one of a kind, man.

01:19:00.080 He's a unique guy. 0.99

01:19:01.160 He's a degenerate gambler.

01:19:02.800 But Nick was living in his car, and Nick went to Vegas to play cards. 0.55

01:19:05.660 He's, it's close.

01:19:08.200 I played, I played full-time online poker after college, and I dropped out.

01:19:12.380 Nice.

01:19:12.440 But then, separately, I just quit my job, full-time job in Minneapolis, and drove out here and

01:19:16.840 lived in my car until I got the internship at Corolla.

01:19:19.400 Wow.

01:19:19.660 And he hired me full-time.

01:19:21.080 But like, literally to work in podcasting.

01:19:23.120 So, I think there's ways, yeah, there's just like, I think there's different times in your

01:19:27.080 life, too, when it is tougher.

01:19:28.440 Like, this gentleman's saying, you know, he might be at a different point in his life.

01:19:32.180 You might have a wife or kids, some responsibilities.

01:19:34.140 You might have a family member you're responsible for taking care of.

01:19:36.940 Yeah.

01:19:37.320 There's a guy, Justin McClure.

01:19:38.740 Will you look him up real quick on Facebook?

01:19:40.520 So, he's a comedian, and he ended up getting married, and he has two daughters.

01:19:45.600 And now, they have a, like, a Facebook Live show that's like a really popular show.

01:19:53.120 Really?

01:19:53.840 And he just, you know, we worked together a couple of times.

01:19:58.100 Really, really nice guy, hard worker.

01:20:01.500 And he just kind of figured out how to make something work for him.

01:20:05.820 And now, they have like a family show that, you know, that helps bring in revenue for their

01:20:10.260 family and stuff like that.

01:20:12.080 Oh, really?

01:20:13.160 It's on Facebook.

01:20:13.740 That's cool, man.

01:20:15.920 When you travel down that path, and you stay on that path, it eventually works out.

01:20:20.100 It works out for something.

01:20:21.200 I think, like, sometimes you don't know where the path is going to go, and that's the hardest

01:20:24.640 part.

01:20:25.500 Like, knowing, like, because I used to do this thing called crank texting, where I would

01:20:29.260 just text strangers, right?

01:20:30.720 Like, just text random phone numbers.

01:20:32.540 Yeah.

01:20:33.100 And I would just say, hey, what's up, right?

01:20:35.120 Yeah.

01:20:35.640 And then I'd get into a conversation sometimes, and somebody would think I was an old friend

01:20:39.940 or something.

01:20:40.360 Hey, is this Randall?

01:20:41.200 And it's like, yeah, I haven't heard from you in a while.

01:20:42.940 And then next thing you know, I'm asking if I can come stay the night.

01:20:45.860 And it's like, you know, I'm in this crazy conversation that makes no sense, right?

01:20:49.100 Yeah.

01:20:49.200 It's not even real.

01:20:49.980 Yeah.

01:20:50.540 Like, I was in relationships with people.

01:20:52.600 No.

01:20:53.120 Oh, bro.

01:20:53.620 Crazy stuff.

01:20:54.940 Crazy stuff.

01:20:56.160 So, I mean, I texted probably about 40,000 numbers over a couple of year period.

01:20:59.540 Are you serious?

01:21:00.360 Dude, I was so lonely.

01:21:01.120 I would text.

01:21:02.500 I would text batches.

01:21:03.680 Wait, this is when you were on the road, or you were just doing this?

01:21:06.360 This was all the time.

01:21:07.080 You did bring up crank text, Nick?

01:21:08.180 Like, this was all the time.

01:21:10.940 I would just start texting strangers.

01:21:12.500 Yeah, I just got into it.

01:21:13.440 And sometimes I would just text just a group of people, you know?

01:21:18.360 Just cranktext.com.

01:21:22.900 Do you renew this domain every year?

01:21:25.580 I think so.

01:21:29.020 Let's just see if it's still up.

01:21:30.580 So, obviously, it needs to be adjusted here for the screen somehow.

01:21:35.880 But, yeah, you get into different conversations.

01:21:37.860 Like, I would text people in a certain area code, like in Indiana, and I'd be like, we're

01:21:41.120 raising money for Civil War reenactments after school team, right?

01:21:45.800 And you get into real conversations.

01:21:47.600 People start leaving you voicemails, and next thing you know, you have this whole conversation.

01:21:50.640 Then you can take it, and you post it in here, right?

01:21:53.660 So, you get into, like, you know, this one was one I would text.

01:21:56.300 Thank you for, what's that?

01:21:57.440 The Hellman's one.

01:21:58.620 Thank you for entering the Love Your Hellman's contest.

01:22:00.760 We'll be contacting you once the judges have reviewed all entries.

01:22:03.880 Good luck, and thank you for loving your Hellman's. 0.98

01:22:06.020 So, you just send that to strangers, and people are like, what in the fuck are you talking about, dude? 0.85

01:22:10.280 Or you send them a picture, you know? 0.98

01:22:12.500 Oh, Hellman's, man.

01:22:14.040 And then they have to reply.

01:22:15.600 Anyway, but anyway, I got into insane conversations.

01:22:17.940 I would text a group of people, and I would be like, oh, Ricky won third place.

01:22:21.660 And I would get a picture of an Asian kid with a trophy and just send it to all of them in a mass text, right? 0.94

01:22:26.060 And so, somebody would be like, who's Ricky, right?

01:22:29.500 And somebody would be like, take me off this chain, right?

01:22:31.860 And somebody would be like, oh, bless his heart, man. 1.00

01:22:34.340 And then somebody else would be like, who in the fuck is this, man? 0.99

01:22:38.120 And I'd be like, if some of you guys cared, if you had been there, if you cared more, you'd have been there to see him win, right? 0.99

01:22:43.340 Yeah.

01:22:43.540 So, anyway, I'd get in this crazy conversation with people, and I would just save them and put them online.

01:22:48.220 Anyway, fast forward.

01:22:49.740 That was your idea?

01:22:50.840 Right.

01:22:51.060 That was my idea, right?

01:22:51.840 This was probably a decade ago.

01:22:53.180 So, Howie Mandel was looking for somebody to host a prank show.

01:22:56.500 Yeah.

01:22:56.980 So, I had done this for years, man.

01:22:59.400 I'd spent a ton of money paying people to edit them up.

01:23:02.980 Spent a ton of time.

01:23:04.460 Yeah.

01:23:04.600 A ton of time.

01:23:05.120 And he's like, oh, I like your prank website.

01:23:09.900 And so, that's how I got a job hosting his prank show.

01:23:12.940 So, he saw it.

01:23:13.920 He saw it, yeah.

01:23:15.200 And so, it was like, I'd spent all this time doing it, and it wasn't getting anywhere.

01:23:21.260 Yeah.

01:23:21.740 I just didn't have the PR to make it pop.

01:23:25.000 And then it got me a job on his show.

01:23:28.280 And it wasn't, you know, it wasn't like my type of show, really, but it was a great opportunity.

01:23:33.160 It gave me enough money where I was able to then to pay back the comedy debt that I built up.

01:23:37.880 Yeah.

01:23:38.160 And you also have a relationship with Howie.

01:23:40.180 And now I still have a relationship with Howie, which is great.

01:23:42.420 So, which then introduced me.

01:23:43.980 He got me on, like, Arsenio Hall one time to perform.

01:23:47.080 Just little things.

01:23:48.040 So, it's just like, you just don't know what you're doing now where it could end you up sometimes.

01:23:55.040 Yo, and when you give up on that, it's gone.

01:23:57.780 Or when you stray off that path, you know what I mean, and go off into a different direction.

01:24:02.220 And if your heart isn't that way, nothing's going to happen, right?

01:24:07.000 Yeah, your heart has to be there, though.

01:24:08.040 Your heart has to be here.

01:24:09.300 And no matter how bad the struggle is, as long as your heart is there, things will happen.

01:24:14.480 I keep saying that.

01:24:16.140 Like, every time I go on this road, something just comes into my path.

01:24:23.900 It just happens.

01:24:25.780 You know what I mean?

01:24:26.280 And then next thing you know, this relationship starts.

01:24:28.880 And next thing you know, I'm building this.

01:24:30.060 And now I'm writing this.

01:24:31.600 And that's what it is.

01:24:32.920 It's just staying here, man.

01:24:34.520 Once you give up and stray off.

01:24:36.080 Like, if I would have became a manager like my mom wanted me to be, I'd be at Wells Fargo going,

01:24:40.660 Hey, man, let me tell you this one joke that I got.

01:24:44.000 You're going to love this one.

01:24:45.860 Oh, God.

01:24:46.580 Here comes that manager guy.

01:24:47.780 Here he comes again.

01:24:49.060 Here comes Zinger.

01:24:50.720 He's always got a pocket full of Zingers. 1.00

01:24:53.640 When I was living in my car, I started a website.

01:24:57.520 Because they just released this thing on NFL.com.

01:24:59.640 It was called the All-22 Cam.

01:25:00.880 So you could actually see the place.

01:25:02.180 Because you can't see that on TV.

01:25:03.500 You can see what the safeties are doing.

01:25:04.540 And I wanted to break down the X's and O's. 1.00

01:25:06.100 And I bought a website called PackersFilmRoom.com.

01:25:08.760 And I didn't know what I was doing.

01:25:09.580 But I learned how to build a website.

01:25:10.920 And I was living in my car.

01:25:12.020 So, like, $150 for a domain at that time was a significant amount of money.

01:25:16.560 And it went for nothing.

01:25:17.740 It didn't do anything.

01:25:18.220 But I learned how to build a website and a bunch of that stuff.

01:25:20.520 When I got hired at Corolla, I immediately started doing some of that stuff for them.

01:25:24.660 And I just learned it.

01:25:25.640 Yeah.

01:25:26.120 So at that time, it was a scary investment.

01:25:28.820 But you were so – your heart was in it that – thank God you did that.

01:25:33.980 Because it gave you the tools that you needed when you did get the opportunity.

01:25:38.720 Right?

01:25:39.380 Doing something is always better than doing nothing.

01:25:41.700 I guess what we're trying to say is risk.

01:25:44.220 Yeah, some risk.

01:25:44.860 There's risk takers.

01:25:46.040 There's risk takers, yeah.

01:25:47.100 But also, you don't know what the things you've been doing, where those elements are going to be needed.

01:25:52.160 Yeah.

01:25:52.280 Or when that value is going to pay off.

01:25:54.220 Yes.

01:25:54.820 You just don't know when that value is going to pay off sometimes, man.

01:25:58.620 You know, now Nick has another MMA podcast.

01:26:01.500 And they do – they talk about gambling on fights, right?

01:26:04.040 Mm-hmm.

01:26:04.220 So he probably didn't know.

01:26:05.820 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

01:26:06.600 I haven't really put one out.

01:26:07.840 But I'll put some content online.

01:26:09.180 And people, like, are into it.

01:26:10.320 It's fun.

01:26:11.000 And it's just what I like to do.

01:26:12.200 But who knows, you know, who knows a decade ago when he's, you know, just, you know, playing online poker.

01:26:17.460 You just don't know sometimes.

01:26:18.780 Mm-hmm.

01:26:18.940 And you still don't know.

01:26:19.820 That's the amazing thing about life is that it'd be like, oh, I still didn't realize this little thing that happened so long ago.

01:26:25.240 Yeah.

01:26:25.640 Is going to pay this unique dividend in a financial way or a spiritual way or all types of ways, man.

01:26:33.120 That's crazy, man.

01:26:34.620 My live from Seattle, the special that I had to shoot, the opening joke was a joke I wrote when I opened for Corey Holcomb on some nightclub that was out in – what is that freeway?

01:26:49.920 The 18 or whatever?

01:26:50.840 Just some weird freeway when you're going towards Magic Mountain.

01:26:53.340 And then it goes Palmdale.

01:26:55.040 It was out in Palmdale. 1.00

01:26:56.240 Damn. 0.99

01:26:56.460 And I was opening for Corey Holcomb. 1.00

01:26:58.500 And it was at a nightclub.

01:27:00.300 No one was allowed to sit on the dance floor.

01:27:01.940 They sat on the outside of the dance floor.

01:27:03.920 We performed in the middle of the dance floor because the owner didn't want you to scratch up the dance floor with chairs and tables. 0.92

01:27:11.940 With your jokes.

01:27:12.960 Yeah, yeah, yeah. 1.00

01:27:13.700 Don't scratch up the dance floor with your shit jokes. 1.00

01:27:15.840 So I went up. 1.00

01:27:17.180 I killed.

01:27:18.040 By the way, every comic always says they kill, right? 0.96

01:27:20.440 So I killed.

01:27:21.940 And then we're driving back.

01:27:23.600 And I'm not getting any love from Corey.

01:27:25.860 Ooh.

01:27:26.460 You know what I mean?

01:27:27.500 I'm like, so now I got to bait him into a compliment. 1.00

01:27:30.420 And I'm like, yo, man, I destroyed that shit, right? 1.00

01:27:32.420 And he's like, yeah, but still don't know who the fuck you are, motherfucker. 1.00

01:27:39.220 And I'm like, what? 1.00

01:27:40.160 What do you mean? 1.00

01:27:40.580 Like, I don't know who the fuck you are. 1.00

01:27:42.600 Like, who are you, Joe Coy? 1.00

01:27:44.460 Like, you just did a bunch of bullshit. 1.00

01:27:46.660 Like, you did all that. 1.00

01:27:49.460 Basically, I was just doing the easy shit, right? 0.99

01:27:51.720 To be funny. 0.99

01:27:52.500 Right.

01:27:52.720 But I don't know who you are.

01:27:55.100 Like, who are you?

01:27:55.900 What are you?

01:27:57.160 And then I swear to God, man, that whole ride was just kind of like, I mean, we were still

01:28:00.780 joking around. 0.99

01:28:01.320 But in my head, I was like, fuck, I got to write about who I am. 0.99

01:28:06.880 Wow. 0.99

01:28:07.160 And I, by the way, I was still opening for Corey, by the way.

01:28:12.220 And I tell this story in my book because it was such a, it was one of those moments where

01:28:17.120 you get hip checked and you get hip checked hard because I was killing so much.

01:28:21.900 I thought, oh, that's, I'm a comic.

01:28:23.880 I'm a comedian.

01:28:24.480 Oh, yeah, I'm doing it. 1.00

01:28:25.380 Until you open for a veteran and he's like, who the fuck are you, bro? 0.99

01:28:29.560 Like, what's your voice? 1.00

01:28:31.140 Do you know your voice?

01:28:32.260 What are you?

01:28:33.460 And, oh, there it is.

01:28:35.180 Mixed play.

01:28:35.540 And I went home and I literally was just, I couldn't even sleep, Theo.

01:28:39.720 I just kept looking at the ceiling, just like trying to figure out how do I tell people

01:28:44.140 who I am?

01:28:44.900 And I never talk about my dad.

01:28:46.660 How can I say my dad real quick without going into it too deep?

01:28:50.400 And that's that opening line that I say in that special for Live from Seattle was written

01:28:57.040 that night from Corey Holcomb, like 14 years ago.

01:29:02.640 Wow.

01:29:03.060 It was a 14-year-old joke that I never used.

01:29:06.140 Isn't that crazy?

01:29:07.140 It's crazy, man.

01:29:08.160 There's jokes that I'll be afraid to use for a long time, you know, for some reason.

01:29:12.180 And they'll finally come to the surface.

01:29:13.640 But yeah, it's amazing, man.

01:29:14.640 Mixed plate.

01:29:15.180 That's the book, guys, if you want to grab it.

01:29:16.780 Yeah, man.

01:29:17.500 Pre-order.

01:29:18.580 It's not out yet.

01:29:19.700 No, March.

01:29:20.840 Wow.

01:29:21.220 It was supposed to be out this year, but I can't do a book tour.

01:29:24.400 Oh, yeah.

01:29:25.540 So we want to wait till it opens up.

01:29:27.440 We might postpone it.

01:29:28.540 We don't know.

01:29:29.080 But I still want to be on the road when that book comes out.

01:29:32.820 Yeah, it'll be fun.

01:29:33.580 Yeah, man.

01:29:34.460 Just to interact with people about it.

01:29:35.740 We both did that Sam Adams deal.

01:29:38.000 Man, that was because of you.

01:29:39.340 Yeah, it was cool.

01:29:40.080 I wasn't even supposed to be on that thing.

01:29:41.560 That was a good deal.

01:29:42.020 Theo called.

01:29:43.360 I'm glad I did.

01:29:44.040 It was that yours was really cute, man.

01:29:45.780 Theo, Theo's amazing.

01:29:47.260 I want everyone to know that.

01:29:48.660 I thought yours was cool, man.

01:29:49.660 Let's watch it real quick.

01:29:51.400 Oh, man.

01:29:52.520 Telling jokes.

01:29:53.400 We're living.

01:29:54.020 This is my dream come true.

01:29:55.900 Always wanted to be a comic.

01:29:57.440 And I love it.

01:30:01.260 I'm Joe Coy.

01:30:02.440 Stand-up comedian.

01:30:04.940 And I'm here to toast my mother.

01:30:06.460 That two-pack, baby.

01:30:07.760 Josephine Harrison.

01:30:09.020 Without her, none of this would have happened.

01:30:11.700 I think a lot of people forget to just be grateful.

01:30:15.200 People do stuff for us, and then we just act as if that's what they were supposed to do.

01:30:19.260 Yeah.

01:30:19.640 It also sucks when you help somebody, and they walk by, and you're like, 1.00

01:30:22.780 son of a bitch, didn't even thank me. 1.00

01:30:24.460 Ungrateful shit. 1.00

01:30:26.480 My mom sacrificed everything to give me the opportunity to live my dream. 1.00

01:30:31.220 And this toast was the best opportunity for me to say thank you.

01:30:34.760 You know, when my mom and dad divorced, I was right around 10, 11, and she became everything.

01:30:40.020 She was pretty much the backbone of the entire family.

01:30:43.600 When I said I wanted to be a comic, her head was like, what? 0.98

01:30:47.240 Are you crazy? 0.99

01:30:49.880 Is that your house? 0.99

01:30:50.400 I remember working in a store still doing stand-up at night, and my mom was just like, 0.69

01:30:54.140 I told you, stop doing this.

01:30:56.440 You're going to be broke.

01:30:57.540 No.

01:30:58.920 We live in a country where dreams are possible, and it can happen.

01:31:02.460 Just give me some time.

01:31:04.840 Since day one, I wanted to make sure that the world could laugh, and when I tell your story

01:31:11.940 on stage, it's something that I'm very proud of.

01:31:14.380 For years, I was like, how am I going to talk about my mom?

01:31:17.260 I didn't want to go up on stage and just be like, oh, I'm Filipino, and Filipinos do this. 1.00

01:31:21.040 If you listen, you're going to be like, oh, my mom does the same shit. 0.99

01:31:25.740 I mean, you're doing great, and I'm proud of you. 0.99

01:31:28.460 You wanted me to be a lawyer.

01:31:29.920 Well.

01:31:30.420 We digress.

01:31:32.200 Now I see being a comedian, my goodness.

01:31:34.860 I mean, you're 1,000% secure.

01:31:38.200 Sam Adams, it's grassroots, it's family.

01:31:41.600 What I take from that is the same thing that I got from my mom, and that's why Sam Adams

01:31:46.300 is the best beer for this toast.

01:31:49.280 The reason why I brought you here today is I wanted to toast you.

01:31:52.900 This is hard.

01:31:54.040 Harder than I thought.

01:31:56.380 Pretty lady, man.

01:31:58.260 Woo.

01:31:59.460 It's a little too much.

01:32:00.680 When you came to this country, it was to give the kids an opportunity that you knew that

01:32:05.180 you would never have.

01:32:06.460 Everywhere I go, people will be yelling your name, and they clap their hand, and I know

01:32:10.960 it's because of you.

01:32:12.660 Oh, that's good.

01:32:13.580 So I also want you to know that I'm so proud of you.

01:32:16.980 You see, you started this.

01:32:18.480 You're the reason why I've been able to do this.

01:32:20.920 Thank you for everything you've sacrificed.

01:32:26.340 So this is for you, and I love you.

01:32:29.940 Did your mom drink beer or not? 0.83

01:32:30.900 And I toast you.

01:32:31.460 Ah, you got me all.

01:32:32.980 I love you so much.

01:32:33.940 Thank you.

01:32:34.480 Oh, I'm always crying here.

01:32:35.920 I got a lot of words.

01:32:36.580 I'm crying too.

01:32:37.920 That's good.

01:32:38.680 Yeah, that's good.

01:32:39.920 I love you, mom.

01:32:40.440 That's cool, man.

01:32:41.000 That's cool, man.

01:32:41.020 I love you, too.

01:32:42.040 You want some more?

01:32:43.480 Yes.

01:32:43.940 Yeah?

01:32:44.320 You want some more? 1.00

01:32:45.780 What the fuck? 1.00

01:32:47.520 That's cool. 1.00

01:32:47.760 Why'd you do that?

01:32:49.080 Bro, I didn't plan on watching it all the way through, but it's nice.

01:32:52.240 It's a nice sentiment, man.

01:32:53.740 You know, it's important, man.

01:32:54.820 Oh, man.

01:32:55.780 You know, it's hard to have moments like that with our parents, I think.

01:32:59.200 It's hard to get to those moments and then actually follow through and actually have

01:33:03.000 them.

01:33:03.300 Yeah.

01:33:03.620 Like, sometimes I'll have an idea in my head, like, okay, I want to talk to my mom about

01:33:07.080 this or say this or, you know, tell a family member this, but when it comes down to the

01:33:11.740 moment, I just don't really follow through the way I want to.

01:33:16.420 I'll back off at a moment when I have a feeling of some sort that's uncomfortable.

01:33:20.220 Yeah, you're right.

01:33:21.640 It's weird, man.

01:33:22.580 It is weird.

01:33:23.460 But it's important.

01:33:24.980 You know, it's important, bro.

01:33:26.380 That was cool.

01:33:27.420 I didn't know he was crying.

01:33:28.820 I was trying to fight my dad.

01:33:29.960 Did you see me, Nick, do this?

01:33:33.620 I looked out like, oh, man, not now.

01:33:37.480 She's a pretty lady, man. 1.00

01:33:38.940 Thank you.

01:33:39.620 Did you hear what she said?

01:33:41.800 That's when you know I'm not lying about my mom when she goes, when I knew you were a

01:33:47.960 thousand percent secure.

01:33:49.660 Oh.

01:33:50.660 Those were those conversations when she would tell me to quit.

01:33:53.960 Yeah, secure.

01:33:54.620 That's a unique word.

01:33:55.540 People don't just throw that around a lot of times.

01:33:57.240 Yeah.

01:33:57.640 She was all about benefits and health insurance, security, retirement.

01:34:03.220 Like, dude, like.

01:34:04.840 That's military stuff.

01:34:06.000 Yeah, man.

01:34:06.940 It really is.

01:34:07.700 That's my mom. 0.99

01:34:08.540 That's how she taught.

01:34:09.320 You know, she was married to two soldiers. 0.94

01:34:11.620 So that's all she talks about.

01:34:13.560 My mom has been talking about retirement since she was 36. 0.99

01:34:17.080 Wow.

01:34:17.500 Like, can you just live first?

01:34:21.580 Talk about retirement later.

01:34:23.840 That's funny, man.

01:34:25.600 Yeah, it's powerful, man.

01:34:27.040 It's interesting, man.

01:34:28.240 It's interesting to see.

01:34:30.620 Now, thanks for calling those guys, by the way.

01:34:33.240 That was really cool of you.

01:34:34.380 Yeah, that was great.

01:34:35.240 Well, they had a cool campaign, man.

01:34:36.540 Mm-hmm.

01:34:37.480 It was a cool campaign.

01:34:38.780 You did yours with?

01:34:40.000 I did mine just with the audience.

01:34:41.660 Oh, yeah.

01:34:41.940 So mine was just at the Laugh Factory with the audience.

01:34:44.920 Brendan did his, I think, with Brian.

01:34:46.760 Yeah.

01:34:47.340 Who else?

01:34:47.960 Segura, Shafir.

01:34:49.900 Oh, how was Segura's?

01:34:51.080 I didn't see that one.

01:34:52.680 He might have done his wife.

01:34:55.060 Oh, yeah.

01:34:55.840 Probably, yeah.

01:34:56.520 I gotta watch it.

01:34:58.780 But pretty cool, man.

01:35:01.660 Thank you, man.

01:35:02.480 Yeah, thank you, man.

01:35:03.740 Thank you for coming in today and just chatting.

01:35:05.560 It was good.

01:35:06.200 Some of the things you said I needed to hear,

01:35:07.800 just kind of stay the road and just be reminded that I still want to be funny

01:35:13.660 and I want to just find that dream, that passion.

01:35:17.480 Yeah.

01:35:17.740 You know, and realize that I still have stories that I want to tell.

01:35:21.260 And even more so, like, who am I?

01:35:24.700 Yeah, man.

01:35:25.780 You know, like, I love telling stories and I love telling,

01:35:28.540 but sometimes it would be brave to even get even more into who I am.

01:35:31.780 Oh, I wish you would.

01:35:33.260 But that's why when I said that last time about your cartoons,

01:35:35.940 I'm like, dude, this has to be a series.

01:35:38.960 It's like you have a story after a story after a story

01:35:41.240 and they just keep coming out of you.

01:35:42.880 Yeah.

01:35:43.460 I can't wait to see all of them.

01:35:44.540 By the way, my son's a huge fan of yours.

01:35:46.400 Oh, that's cool, man.

01:35:47.380 Yeah, he loves you, man.

01:35:48.520 Yeah, he's a handsome guy.

01:35:49.380 He's growing up, huh?

01:35:50.640 Oh, yeah, he's great.

01:35:52.460 He's going to be 18 here pretty soon.

01:35:54.600 Oh, send us a couple of those socks. 1.00

01:35:55.980 We'll put them on the shelf.

01:35:57.140 Yeah, yeah.

01:35:57.720 Oh, yeah.

01:35:59.540 Hang it.

01:36:00.420 Oh, we want him here. 0.98

01:36:01.840 We want him here forever.

01:36:03.380 I'm going to send you the picture, man.

01:36:04.840 My favorite part is when we both looked down at

01:36:07.040 and then we both looked at each other

01:36:08.420 and he's like, I'll pick him up, Dad.

01:36:11.660 Let me pick him up.

01:36:13.280 That's beautiful. 0.99

01:36:13.820 No shit, Joe. 0.99

01:36:14.420 Yeah. 0.99

01:36:16.240 Does he have a funny vibe?

01:36:18.800 What's his vibe?

01:36:19.520 Oh, he's very funny.

01:36:20.840 He's got it.

01:36:21.880 I don't know what he wants to do.

01:36:23.840 I know he loves making beats,

01:36:25.800 but I really see him acting

01:36:28.300 and man, if he could do stand-up,

01:36:31.340 man, I would love to open for my son, man.

01:36:33.880 Oh, that'd be cool.

01:36:34.740 I would love it, man.

01:36:36.080 I would love to just retire

01:36:37.680 and be like, hey, son,

01:36:38.600 can I just do five minutes in front of you?

01:36:41.140 I would love that, man.

01:36:42.000 Dude, that'd be so cool.

01:36:43.280 That'd be so cool.

01:36:44.460 Have you ever known anybody that got to do that?

01:36:46.440 I think only Damon Jr. is the only one I know.

01:36:49.060 Oh, that's true.

01:36:49.940 I don't know if they tour,

01:36:52.960 but that would be dope

01:36:53.800 to have Damon and Damon Jr.

01:36:56.240 on the same ticket.

01:36:57.160 One of my favorite nights ever.

01:36:58.640 I was over at Hunter Henry.

01:37:01.920 Hunter Hill has a show

01:37:03.200 over at Usted at La Ciena

01:37:04.720 and get the black box over there

01:37:06.440 and Damon Wayans was going to be there.

01:37:09.660 And I grew up on Living Color.

01:37:11.800 Oh, of course.

01:37:12.480 By the way, Last Stand,

01:37:14.180 I think that's his special.

01:37:15.160 I think that's what it's called.

01:37:15.900 It's HBO special.

01:37:17.160 You guys, you have to watch it.

01:37:18.800 It's great.

01:37:19.220 It's a beast, man.

01:37:20.520 I haven't seen it.

01:37:21.600 Crushes.

01:37:22.040 Go watch it.

01:37:22.580 All right, go ahead.

01:37:23.020 I'm sorry.

01:37:23.240 I didn't mean to stop.

01:37:23.800 But I told a joke

01:37:25.000 and I heard him laugh at one point.

01:37:26.760 Oh, oh.

01:37:28.520 Just in the back of the room.

01:37:29.840 And it was like every moment of my childhood

01:37:33.000 of impersonating him out in the street

01:37:34.660 with my friends and everything.

01:37:36.180 It was just,

01:37:37.000 it had all come full circle.

01:37:38.480 It was real cool.

01:37:39.260 That's so cool, man.

01:37:40.740 It was pretty dope.

01:37:41.880 Mixed Plate, you can get it early.

01:37:43.520 Pre-order now, right?

01:37:44.700 Yes.

01:37:45.540 Pre-order, jokeway.com.

01:37:47.320 And thanks so much for coming

01:37:48.600 and spending time with us.

01:37:49.400 Nick, you have anything else?

01:37:50.460 No, thanks for coming, Joe.

01:37:51.620 Dude, that was amazing.

01:37:52.620 Yeah, it was fun, man.

01:37:53.220 Thank you, Theo. 1.00

01:37:53.700 You're the shit, bro. 1.00

01:37:54.900 Love you, bro. 1.00

01:37:55.660 Love you.

01:37:56.040 Now I'm just floating on the breeze

01:37:58.660 And I feel I'm falling like these leaves

01:38:01.600 I must be cornerstone

01:38:04.940 Oh, but when I reach that ground

01:38:09.500 I'll share this peace of mind

01:38:11.640 I found I can feel it

01:38:13.700 In my bones

01:38:15.820 But it's gonna take

01:38:18.720 A little time

01:38:21.480 For me to set that parking brake

01:38:25.380 And let myself unwind

01:38:28.100 Shine that light on me

01:38:32.100 I'll sit and tell you my stories

01:38:37.800 Shine on me

01:38:42.800 And I will find a song

01:38:47.000 I will sing it

01:38:48.540 Just for you

01:38:50.520 And now I've been moving

01:38:56.680 Way too fast

01:38:57.960 On the runaway train

01:38:59.360 With a heavy load

01:39:00.540 In my past

01:39:02.820 And these rails

01:39:06.740 That I've been riding on

01:39:08.420 They're worn so thin

01:39:09.840 That they're damn near gone

01:39:11.160 I guess now they just weren't

01:39:13.020 Built to be

01:39:13.840 Ladies and gentlemen

01:39:16.060 I'm Jonathan Kite

01:39:17.260 And welcome to Kite Club

01:39:18.580 A podcast where I'll be sharing thoughts

01:39:20.820 On things like current events

01:39:22.240 Stand-up stories

01:39:23.440 And seven ways to pleasure your partner

01:39:25.780 The answer may shock you

01:39:27.680 Sometimes I'll interview my friends

01:39:29.700 Sometimes I won't

01:39:31.020 And as always

01:39:32.560 I'll be joined by the voices in my head

01:39:34.520 You have three new voice messages

01:39:37.380 A lot of people are talking about Kite Club

01:39:40.400 I've been talking about Kite Club for so long

01:39:43.200 Longer than anybody else

01:39:44.820 So great

01:39:45.640 Hi

01:39:46.620 Sweetie

01:39:47.320 Easy deal

01:39:48.680 Anyone who doesn't listen to Kite Club 1.00

01:39:51.120 Is a dodgy bloody wanker 1.00

01:39:53.160 Jermaine 1.00

01:39:53.880 I'll take a quarter pounder with cheese

01:39:57.160 And a McFlurry

01:39:58.180 Sorry sir but our ice cream machine is broken

01:40:00.040 Oh no

01:40:01.940 I think Tom Hanks just butt dialed me

01:40:05.000 Anyway

01:40:05.480 First rule of Kite Club is

01:40:07.400 Tell everyone about Kite Club

01:40:09.120 Second rule of Kite Club is

01:40:11.060 Tell everyone about Kite Club

01:40:13.300 Third rule

01:40:14.080 Like and subscribe

01:40:15.260 Wherever you listen to podcasts

01:40:16.960 Or watch us on YouTube

01:40:18.460 Yeah

01:40:18.880 And yes

01:40:19.780 Don't worry

01:40:20.360 My Brad Pitt impression

01:40:21.600 Will get better

01:40:22.400 Thank you so much for listening to Kite Club

This Past Weekend with Theo Von - October 29, 2020

E303 Jo Koy 3

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