E336 Khalyla
Episode Stats
Length
1 hour and 44 minutes
Words per Minute
190.34071
Summary
Kalilah is a comedian, podcaster, writer, and all-around lovely human being. She's also the host of her new podcast, Bloodbath, which you can check out here. In this episode, Kalilah talks about her relationship with her ex-husband, Bobby, and why he should be off limits when it comes to sex.
Transcript
00:00:00.000
If you believe that you could benefit from extra bedroom confidence, I bet you can.
00:00:06.660
When it's time to perform, well, visit BlueChew.com for more details and important safety info.
00:00:17.240
Try BlueChew free when you use our promo code T-H-E-O at checkout.
00:00:24.080
That's BlueChew.com promo code Theo to receive your first month free.
00:00:28.680
And we thank BlueChew for sponsoring this podcast.
00:00:33.720
Today's guest is a woman that, I mean a woman that really, I'd be out lying if I said she didn't occupy one of my aortas a lot of times.
00:00:44.040
And, you know, she's a very loving lady that is part of the podcast community.
00:00:53.500
And she has a new podcast called Bloodbath that you can check out.
00:01:06.460
For me to set that parking brake and let myself unwind
00:01:27.080
You're always one of the comics that I always felt like, oh, I like him, which is kind of a rare thing.
00:01:50.540
I always, I mean, I think it's hard whenever somebody sees you not to be like, you know, have some sort of desire around you or something like that.
00:02:01.800
You know, I think you see you, I think you seem very desirable.
00:02:12.300
Does the question of desirability have to do with who my partner is?
00:02:19.460
Does the desirability level go up because he thinks that Bobby is somehow not an equal to me?
00:02:25.700
Or, like, let's say I was with, like, a strapping six-foot-four guy.
00:02:39.700
So you're saying, so if you were, like, with a big, like, rugby player.
00:02:45.640
Immediately in a guy's mind, would I just be off limits?
00:02:50.940
Versus you seeing me with my little, yeah, my little boiled egg.
00:02:58.960
I mean, I just know Bobby has, I just, I feel like with Bobby there's more of, and I say this only out of respect, I love Bobby.
00:03:06.960
And, you know, I hope I get to be a pallbearer at his funeral.
00:03:10.600
If anything ever happens to him, which I hope nothing ever happens to him.
00:03:19.660
He is, I will say this, though, and I say it out of love and respect, and I tell him this a lot.
00:03:25.220
You can tell that death looks for him a little.
00:03:27.520
You know, like, he's had some of the addiction stuff.
00:03:30.100
He's had, you know, he's very, he looks very, you know, he looks really like a strong shellfish would kill him, to be honest.
00:03:38.880
But what I'm saying is, so when you see you with.
00:03:41.140
Like a strong shellfish, we're talking like a big lobster with a big carapace.
00:03:49.040
No, I'm, no, no, I'm talking something to food poisoning.
00:03:52.200
Oh, I was thinking that a lobster would attack him in the ocean.
00:03:59.400
I mean, I could see a lobster attacking him at maybe like a pool at like a Hampton Inn or something.
00:04:07.280
But I think a lobster attacking him like at a, no, I was thinking more him eating a bad shrimp or having a bad piece of pork somewhere.
00:04:15.660
You know, especially with you guys combining forces of, you guys come from a very background of a lot of street food.
00:04:25.120
And so I think that doubles the chances of somebody going there.
00:04:43.380
If somebody were to, I don't know if they can trace it, but I could see suddenly the fuzz just showing up at y'all's door.
00:04:53.740
Kicking it down and Bobby's just on the john, you know, just looking up.
00:05:05.360
I think when you see a guy, when you see a girl like you with Bobby, and I love Bobby and Bobby's probably one of my 50, probably 40 favorite people, I would bet, 30.
00:05:15.920
But you think Bobby is more prone to death, I think, than if I saw you with like a big six-foot guy.
00:05:24.100
That guy seems like, oh, he's going to live forever.
00:05:26.320
So Bobby, there's a, and not in a bad way, you know.
00:05:29.520
I know, I'm sure Bobby's going to live for a long time.
00:05:31.480
But you just see him as being like, oh, anything could happen.
00:05:38.760
So I think then there's, allows a little more room for who is going to care for this woman if something ever happened to him.
00:05:48.620
But if, and so it's out of love, I think that you look and say, okay.
00:05:51.920
Whereas if I saw you with some guy like Bill Clinton, like a young Bill Clinton or something, then I think I would be like, oh man, you know, even after he dies, he'll still be able to take care of her.
00:06:04.280
Well, I don't know if Ghost Bobby could hold you down, is what I'm saying.
00:06:11.040
I think Bobby would haunt the shit out of both of us.
00:06:16.640
I mean, if you're, I don't know what you're trying to say, Theo, but you're saying.
00:06:27.280
Are you the man to take care of this woman and this damsel in distress?
00:06:34.640
No, I, I, this is what I wanted to actually hash out with you.
00:06:45.540
Just always messages pertaining or accusatory messages.
00:06:50.580
Thinking that you and I are in some sort of, that you're my side piece.
00:06:57.300
And I don't know where that comes from because I don't feel like we've ever talked about it on our podcast or have we?
00:07:03.880
I mean, I don't know if they, do you feel like there's any attraction between us or no?
00:07:17.840
Here, let me try to break this down in like a really transparent way.
00:07:22.820
There are people that I walk past that I feel like an instant like chemistry with.
00:07:30.900
And then, you know, it's, it's, it validates that I'm human.
00:07:35.080
I do have it with certain people in his life, but not you.
00:07:49.740
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
00:08:00.260
No, I, I, I, yeah, I just, I think that I, I guess when I look at you and Bobby, what
00:08:09.300
If, if dudes calculate in their mind, some, a woman's desirability based on who she's with.
00:08:17.380
I don't think, I, you know, that's a good question.
00:08:20.040
Do guys calculate a woman's desirability based on who she's with?
00:08:23.700
I think, well, some girls you see and you can just tell a lot of times.
00:08:31.000
Some girls I think you see sometimes and it looks like a money type of thing.
00:08:40.460
Like, that's the immediate assumption, which is, I think is really unfair because I think
00:09:12.240
I think he's definitely that, he's that Tamagotchi.
00:09:19.840
You know, he's like the, he's that living, um, he's like Dragon Ball Z, like five Zs, you
00:09:35.640
Oh, but you don't watch like anime like on Netflix?
00:09:37.440
I've seen a good bit of it when I was in college, I used to watch some of it.
00:09:39.740
Me and my friend used to watch some of it and I used to borrow a lot of his clothes
00:10:00.460
It's like, oh, it's like, it's like, you know, it'll leave you in an instant, dude,
00:10:06.300
Do you know that there's a cemetery specifically for Tamagotchis apparently?
00:10:13.560
Where people, where you can go and basically like lay your Tamagotchi to rest.
00:10:23.940
Yeah, I remember they had a bunch of, there you go right there, a digital cemetery.
00:10:33.520
I think Richmond can use anything it can get right now.
00:10:42.260
Sometimes you think, I think once you get to know them, you can tell if it's about love
00:10:48.040
I want to know what you thought when you first met me or even before you saw.
00:10:58.900
We did because I lived in a, I lived an hour away from here.
00:11:04.760
So I thought, oh, they met, these people met online and I was happy for Bobby.
00:11:12.020
I want to know the worst thing you thought about me.
00:11:18.840
Like, what would I even think that could be bad?
00:11:20.460
Like you got attacked by or something or you were in a fire or something?
00:11:22.540
I always, I always wonder like, like, you know, when you try to, again, it's a calculation
00:11:29.180
Like, oh, she has to, she has to be really stupid or she has to be this or she has to
00:11:34.140
have really bad breath or her, her pussy is made of, you know, has teeth in it.
00:11:38.380
Like, I don't know like what dudes think, like when they try to weigh out why I would
00:11:45.700
Look, I, I mean, I love, Bobby's one of the best, you know, Bobby's one of the best comedians
00:11:50.980
that I, he's one of the most, Bobby's one of the most entertaining man that I'd ever
00:11:56.300
So I could easily see why a woman would like him.
00:12:03.840
So I could easily see if I was a woman, why wouldn't, why wouldn't I still like him?
00:12:10.160
I think I would not, I don't think I'd have sex with Bobby.
00:12:13.920
I would feel uncomfortable having sex with Bobby.
00:12:16.380
He reminds me of like, kind of like a, um, but that's me.
00:12:20.320
I'm also a man and he's neither one of us is a gay man.
00:12:23.680
And so I think what I'm trying to say is that I didn't think anything bad of you at
00:12:28.300
I thought, oh wow, Bobby met this girl probably online, you know, because he doesn't go out
00:12:35.120
So that's the only reason I thought that I thought either that he must've met her online
00:12:39.740
or he got like a, I don't want to say like a Postmates or somebody got a Postmates and
00:12:43.880
you showed up, you know, he got hella lucky off a burrito.
00:12:53.320
But, and I, and then I just thought, oh, this is awesome.
00:12:55.440
You know, I'm glad that Bobby has somebody that's really cool.
00:12:59.100
And then it's also, I mean, you're just nice to look at.
00:13:02.000
You remind me of like the, if they met a female, female jungle book, who would be in it?
00:13:06.720
If they had a female Mowgli, you know, not too far off from that.
00:13:09.660
If they had, um, yeah, I don't know what the name would be.
00:13:13.060
I don't know what female Mowgli, I don't know what Mowgli means.
00:13:18.260
So, yeah, because there was a tiger involved, Bagheera, right?
00:13:26.220
Bagheera was the panther and then Baloo was the bear.
00:13:33.320
So I think I thought of you as like a female Mowgli type.
00:13:43.240
He's like a spy that's not doing a good job, but is still being a spy.
00:13:50.820
And I know that, you know, I think I suffer from some of the same things he does.
00:13:58.340
And he's also, it's kind of like the blessing and a curse of having so much, like, there's so much going on with Bobby.
00:14:25.520
But when you see him, he's so, he's so like, he's like this archipelago of, of like bullshit and like Claire's Boutique.
00:14:36.380
And creativity and like drawings and nudity and, you know, you know, everything.
00:14:52.940
But also you're so, he's so engaging in such a character that it's almost, you want to see so much.
00:15:02.220
You want so much of whatever it is that I could imagine if I were him that it's hard to be a regular person behind it.
00:15:10.740
Especially why would you be a regular person when whatever else you are, which is also you, is so titillating.
00:15:22.720
We get into that a lot because it's like, you know, with me, like the rule is like, you got to take your mask off at the door.
00:15:29.740
Because I don't really care for like the bells and whistles.
00:15:34.220
Like that's, like I already know all these things.
00:15:39.360
Like, and I think that's where I feel very blessed to know a part of him that no one will ever see.
00:15:46.720
Because he is just a sweetheart and the kindest man, most generous person like I've ever met, I think.
00:15:56.580
He's so, he, he, he, I find him to be surprisingly kind at times.
00:16:07.000
He feels like he has to be something every time he walks out the door.
00:16:21.100
And then you also create this world of podcasting where you're always doing so, you know.
00:16:24.320
So then that kind of like doesn't perpetuate it.
00:16:32.020
About like, you know, because we podcast so much and so many hours of ourselves are out there.
00:16:36.560
Do you ever get confused about like who you are outside of this?
00:16:40.900
Like in terms of like being who you like authentically are?
00:16:48.280
And I want to get back to your question, Kalilah.
00:16:50.120
And we had a question that came in from a guy right here.
00:16:55.560
My question for Kalilah is, does Bobby joke around with you a lot at home?
00:17:00.280
And if he does, is it easy to tell when he's joking?
00:17:20.460
There's two things that happen every day in the house.
00:17:38.440
I'm like, not everyone chokes every time they eat.
00:18:11.940
And trying to solve it with some type of a Mountain Dew.
00:18:25.700
And it's always about an American Idol contestant.
00:18:32.120
Or like he watches a lot of like families reuniting.
00:18:37.760
Like I watch a lot of those Air Force dad comes home a lot of videos when I need to pick
00:18:47.260
Like they were separated during like the war during like the Khmer Rouge.
00:18:54.700
But there's not a lot of joking, a lot of crying at home.
00:19:19.440
They're survivors of the Khmer Rouge regime, which killed millions.
00:19:24.640
This is reality TV with ambition, healing wounds from one of Cambodia's darkest and most painful
00:19:44.020
One of the worst atrocities of the 20th century.
00:19:50.760
Nick, I'm going to send you a video of Bobby reacting to this video.
00:20:18.340
I think I have to be, reluctantly and very begrudgingly, I have to be the responsible
00:20:24.940
Because I don't want to be a responsible adult all the time.
00:20:28.400
Like I want someone to, I want to be reckless and I want someone to be like, hey, don't do
00:20:35.900
We've had so many close calls in terms of like fires because he just flicks that cigarette
00:20:45.060
And that's why I think when you see you with Bobby or whether it's a big tongue and whoever
00:20:52.040
It's just like, oh, how is she going to survive when this guy gives into the avalanche, the food
00:21:00.120
poisoning, not to be racist, but the typhoon or the, you know, bad moon rising or whatever
00:21:07.840
You know, how does it end for this guy, this risky guy?
00:21:16.900
I'm surprised he's not in a baby Bjorn when you guys walk into a place that you don't
00:21:28.200
So anyway, yeah, I don't know how, I don't know if rumors came up that we, there was some
00:21:41.980
In fact, um, when you tagged me yesterday on your story, those are the type of messages
00:21:50.880
You know, what do, I mean, thousands of people have known, I mean, they're just guessing
00:21:56.680
And, uh, here's this guy from Napoleon Dynamite.
00:21:59.640
Good afternoon to you, Theo Vaughn and, uh, Kalilah K.
00:22:06.280
I wanted to ask you, Kalilah, if, uh, how do you feel and cope with all the trash talking
00:22:12.300
Um, cause I'd be peeking into the forum sometimes and a lot of these things are, are, are mean,
00:22:51.200
Korea is the number one in the world in terms of like, like shaving down jaw lines and stuff
00:23:09.000
Wait, you talk, the word I just said, cantinflas?
00:23:13.900
When you said cantinflas, I said he looks like a Sanchin player.
00:23:21.200
I don't know how to answer this question besides saying like, what can I do?
00:23:28.400
In the beginning I did because it's like, you can't help but like wonder what people are
00:23:33.140
But it's like, there's, I have no control of it.
00:23:36.320
I only have control of like my friends and family.
00:23:42.080
And if I were to jump into that, it would crush my soul.
00:23:49.380
You know, it gets real disheartening down in the internet.
00:23:51.200
So when you think about like, if something ever happened to Bobby, I don't even know
00:24:05.700
Because Philippines is part of the Pacific Rim of Fire.
00:24:15.400
I think that's the big thing when you see Bobby.
00:24:23.520
Something he's doing, because there are other Asians who are 50 that don't look as young
00:24:29.600
So I don't know if the recklessness and the lack of care maybe equates to lack of stress.
00:24:42.780
I don't know if that's possible, but it somehow is.
00:24:47.460
Now, yeah, I'm just thinking like if some, but say something, or say, yeah, say Bobby went
00:25:19.600
So he, and that's, I feel like he would be so strategic.
00:25:22.560
I feel like he would eventually be the Heidi Fleiss of that sex dream.
00:25:26.140
He would rise up the ranks of being once, you know, anally fisted to like the head of
00:25:35.220
It's almost like a Brokeback meets Fight Club kind of thing, you know?
00:25:39.700
Meets like saving, like, not saving Private Ryan, but like meets Adam.
00:25:45.700
Yeah, that movie, Adam, when that guy's son went missing at the mall.
00:25:52.900
But, um, so then what type, if there's somebody in the podcasting world.
00:26:11.560
Would you then, you think you have to gravitate towards like this like burlesque kind of like
00:26:22.140
Gun to my head because I would not date a single comic for the rest of my life.
00:26:41.360
You know, I'm just trying to get you to say that if something ever happened, I could buy you a malt.
00:26:51.040
I, look, I would, I would put you on a trial period.
00:26:58.760
So that we would cohabitate in the same house, different beds, different rooms, do all that.
00:27:05.700
And then eventually I would see, you would really have to prove yourself.
00:27:12.760
That's all I want is the chance to not be able to prove myself.
00:27:16.240
You might, if you were willing to, because Bobby doesn't eat ass at all.
00:27:21.840
And I love certain, certain things that he doesn't, he's not into.
00:27:25.800
So if you were inclined to do stuff, he wouldn't or fill some holes.
00:27:38.100
So I guess I better practice the brown cow work at the farm.
00:27:45.260
I don't, I'm not like a chronic, I don't love it all the time, but like, you know, three
00:27:58.420
Especially if people are, everybody's showered up and everybody's in a good, good mood.
00:28:02.440
You know, I could see that you put on some easy listening.
00:28:07.360
If you think you have somebody kind of chewing on your butt, do you have some Kenny Rogers or
00:28:13.940
No, I don't think I'd want anything aggressive.
00:28:27.300
Let's see if this feels like it would be okay for you.
00:28:41.100
Just close your eyes and imagine that a little.
00:28:48.780
Now, are you thinking that you are, like, on all fours?
00:28:52.200
Are you laying on your back, or how does this kind of go?
00:28:54.640
I'm not into exposing my asshole on all fours in that way.
00:29:06.680
I feel like this is what most of my yoga classes sound like, so.
00:29:12.540
But you gotta let, you gotta rely, you gotta get away from that.
00:29:25.700
Um, yeah, I mean, I think a lot of that just kind of remains to be seen, you know, I'm
00:29:31.140
open to a lot, I'm open to some different sexual proclivities for sure, but, um, it just
00:29:36.980
has to be, you know, the time, it just has to be kind of the timing has to be right, you
00:29:40.620
I've never, ever pictured you in a sexual way, like, because when I meet anyone.
00:29:52.680
Somebody told me the other day that they, I always, I remind them of Lieutenant Dan, but
00:29:58.160
if he still had legs, that's what somebody said.
00:30:12.960
I think because I saw, like, one Instagram picture of you with, like, a tiny little fish.
00:30:17.220
Uh, that was a decent sized bass, that was a 3.25 ounce bass, pound bass, and yes, I
00:30:24.940
I also picture you in, maybe on the toilet, um, and I picture you, um, to pee or to do
00:30:55.260
You know the human body's how much water, Nick?
00:31:00.180
So, baby, I gotta fucking come swim in me, you feel me?
00:31:08.360
Yeah, like when you shoot, are you a big on lower?
00:31:23.020
The best joke I ever heard, some guy said, I don't even know who said it.
00:31:26.360
He said, when I masturbate these days, it looks like two white guys getting out of a submarine.
00:31:40.320
What's the last thing you want to hear when you're giving a blowjob to Willie Nelson?
00:32:00.100
You described Bobby's ejac one time as a pickup truck that tipped over and two guys climb out of the passenger window.
00:32:13.300
I mean, but Bobby also has that very Boston cream-filled style that, you know, that, like, I could just see him, like, I could see a truck hitting him and just come, ejaculation going everywhere.
00:32:53.500
There's something about you that feels so familiar to me, like you were, like, a long-lost cousin.
00:33:05.180
But there is something very familiar about you.
00:33:12.160
Yeah, and I feel like I've always tried to make you feel comfortable.
00:33:14.700
I feel like I always have tried to be nice to you and your, I love all your group.
00:33:32.000
You know, Blue Chew, I've had a nibble on one of them, and it'll get you out.
00:33:36.620
It'll get you alert and get you well up, and it does it like that.
00:33:47.320
Delivers the same active ingredients as Viagra and Cialis.
00:34:00.620
Consult with one of their licensed medical providers.
00:34:07.180
When you use our promo code, T-H-E-O, let me keep you stiffy up.
00:34:16.340
That's B-L-U-E-C-H-E-W.com, promo code Theo, to receive your first month free.
00:34:21.980
And we thank Blue Chew for sponsoring this podcast.
00:34:25.820
You know, I had a comedy show last night, and I met a fellow, and he said,
00:34:36.020
And they said, Well, thanks for talking about therapy if you need therapy.
00:34:50.280
If there's something interfering with your happiness or is preventing you from achieving your goals,
00:34:56.800
BetterHelp will assess your needs and match you with your own licensed professional therapist.
00:35:07.020
It is professional counseling done securely online.
00:35:19.340
BetterHelp wants you to start living a happier life today.
00:35:25.520
When you visit their website and read their testimonials,
00:35:28.740
you can read how many people have received BetterHelp.
00:35:45.420
And this past weekend, listeners get 10% off their first month at BetterHelp.com
00:36:09.400
What's your favorite part about doing the Bloodbath podcast
00:36:16.020
Like, what are some of the different things that you enjoy with that?
00:36:19.040
Also, I think that you should rescue some cats as well as dogs.
00:36:27.760
Cats can keep the cats on one floor and the dogs on another.
00:36:35.100
It's almost like the sheiks or something in Istanbul or Saudi Arabia.
00:36:40.580
Their wives, the different wives get different floors of the home.
00:36:49.800
First wife is probably exhausted, wants nothing to do,
00:36:53.300
but wants the wealth and the perks of being the first wife.
00:36:56.540
Right, so I think they probably get the hierarchy.
00:36:58.560
So she has no blowjob duties, none of the other stuff.
00:37:07.260
The difference between doing a podcast with Bobby is that, like, I feel,
00:37:11.460
I don't know, like, I feel angrier when I'm in Tiger Belly.
00:37:17.220
Because we just have, Bobby and I have that sort of, like,
00:37:20.780
antagonistic sort of, like, rapport, I guess, if you can call it that.
00:37:36.320
I have absolutely two versions of myself on those podcasts.
00:37:41.280
But I think it's the same for me with this and King of the Sting.
00:37:45.160
It feels like me, but it's just, like, a crazy version.
00:37:50.720
It's like I'm at a shitty nightclub in Jacksonville.
00:37:55.260
Why does everyone have, no, it's actually Tampa.
00:37:58.120
Bobby always has stories about nightclubs in Tampa and Florida.
00:38:01.780
Oh, there's all, because they'll put a nightclub anywhere there.
00:38:06.020
and then you'll have a nightclub right next to it.
00:38:10.500
You'll have a mortuary next to a strip club next to they're selling bass boats.
00:38:15.700
It's like, I mean, you just can't even decide if you want to die
00:38:18.760
or freaking, you know, get up early for some redfish.
00:38:24.160
They just, there's no differentiating between anything.
00:38:27.680
They'll have a kindergarten right next to a graveyard.
00:38:31.360
You know, they just don't, there's no big plan, I think, in Florida.
00:38:35.580
And I think that's what Florida was supposed to be.
00:38:37.620
It was like, it's just kind of like this catch-all of the United States, you know?
00:38:44.940
I wonder what it would be like if you were my second.
00:38:52.080
And you know, I have lived with two men before.
00:38:55.620
Yeah, before I met Bobby, my last relationship was with two people.
00:39:20.720
But wife number one, no wife number one, boyfriend number one, had slept in the same
00:39:26.280
room as me, the number two, because he came in a little later into the relationship, was
00:39:41.080
And you guys brought in that Salvadorian to pinch hit every day.
00:39:50.760
I mean, I wonder if we're getting more into stuff like that.
00:39:53.640
You know, I think one thing is disappearing a little bit in the world, or at least they're
00:39:57.940
leading us to believe it is disappearing, is like ownership of things.
00:40:03.680
You know, while I agree with that, I do think that, because I have friends who are in open
00:40:12.020
For me personally, it's emotionally exhausting.
00:40:14.680
I could never be in that position again, because I thought, you know, my young self, I was
00:40:22.000
You know, I get to have sex with two men at one time.
00:40:30.720
There's, you know, you have to cook an extra batch of food.
00:40:34.520
Like, there are things, logistically, it's exhausting.
00:40:38.540
So the sex, the 10-minute sex is just but a blip in that entire picture.
00:40:44.140
I mean, you almost need a damn merchant marine, it sounds like, to help keep things, you know,
00:40:47.180
like to supplement, you know, the food, everything, the logistics.
00:40:54.420
I don't think, I wonder if I could have, I can't keep one girlfriend.
00:40:57.700
I don't know if I could keep two wives, you know.
00:41:00.800
But I would have to just get really, really honest with them and say, look, this is what's
00:41:06.740
And that's where I kind of struggle with women is just that communication up front.
00:41:13.700
Just telling them how things are probably going to be up front somewhat.
00:41:16.960
Well, why don't, why do you have to tell someone up front, why can't they just, why
00:41:23.560
Because what you're saying today may not apply three months down the line.
00:41:29.760
Not how you feel, but just like some of your, your behaviors, that sort of stuff, you know,
00:41:36.180
So it's like, I don't need a disclaimer right out the gate.
00:41:41.160
I don't like declarations up front because I think declarations are a red flag.
00:41:47.940
Just like, let me find out who you are slowly, you know, because that's, that's more like
00:41:53.720
applicable to like, that's ultimately what's going to, you know, um, um, that's how I'm
00:42:02.960
What if, I just wish I had like a pamphlet to give a woman before we met, you know,
00:42:08.960
I would probably say good morning at the top for sure.
00:42:11.700
And then let me think, it would say good morning.
00:42:16.000
And then it would say, uh, thanks for reading this.
00:42:18.900
I am happy that you're here and I'm looking forward to the possibilities.
00:42:25.940
Um, I would like you to know that I don't communicate super well a lot of times, but I'm trying to
00:42:34.880
So if you see opportunities to help me work on it, please help me.
00:42:44.280
Also, in case anything gets out of hand, I can't, I, I can't definitely help, but I could
00:42:56.300
Uh, I'll do my best with sex, not making any big promises.
00:43:05.480
I like to go out of town and stay in town and I like to eat two meals a day.
00:43:11.140
Um, those don't seem like difficult things that someone would have to deal with, except
00:43:23.660
I think I do have some stuff like that, you know?
00:43:25.480
So that's why I think I just need like, I, I think I just, yeah, I just need to have,
00:43:31.900
I just need to step up and do better at it, you know?
00:43:34.380
Okay, like, when was the last time you've been vulnerable and said like, you know, I
00:43:40.920
love you, like, when was the last time you've ever like been that way with a woman?
00:43:45.980
Like, have you felt extremely vulnerable around a woman?
00:43:51.340
I've had some vulnerable conversations, but I tend to, I think, then kind of not try to
00:43:56.220
have them again sometimes, you know, even though I think that it's good.
00:44:07.340
It's just hard to get to that place to do it sometimes.
00:44:14.480
And sometimes there's just so much going on, especially in our lives.
00:44:22.320
I mean, that sounds, I think I gave the wrong answer then because I just feel like that's
00:44:40.420
I need, I need someone to pour their heart out.
00:44:44.820
I'll pour it out into a damn dog bowl for you, okay?
00:44:46.680
I need to know, I need to know, I need to know all your innards, everything about it.
00:44:53.820
I think I, I think I just didn't know you can do that, I think.
00:44:57.540
I've never been in like a relationship where I knew you could do that.
00:44:59.820
Well, I think it's harder now with a lot of people you meet because it's like, I don't
00:45:04.560
And like, people are really reckless with other people's emotions when it comes to dating
00:45:10.820
I don't know if I were to ever jump back into dating someone, should Bobby croak?
00:45:20.180
And Bobby's a hero and I do want to respect him for all that he's done and everything
00:45:30.480
That's why you need to know in advance, I think some light outlines of, do you go for
00:45:43.220
Wait, Chris DiStefano is a little bit gay, right?
00:45:48.400
I love, love, love like sexually like fluid people.
00:45:54.100
So the idea of him possibly salivating over another man turns me on.
00:46:05.680
Wait, who I'm sexually attracted to just right out the gate is Jamar Neighbors.
00:46:15.040
There's something similar to the Bobby, the vein of being Bobby.
00:46:21.360
Oh, that androgynous kind of like, cause Jamar was kind of like, he kind of wears whatever
00:46:42.380
And I have it framed in my home of him wearing it.
00:46:47.400
I mean, it's just, I think the level of the type, it's just, you have, I mean, I just
00:46:59.180
And I think that I just want to know, I just want, I just feel like if you see a woman
00:47:04.240
with a man, then you think as a man, you think, I think the first thing you think, oh,
00:47:16.360
Maybe that's what you and I think, because we come from old daddies.
00:47:21.380
We're, we're both products of really old sperm.
00:47:24.600
So maybe we think, so we think about dad's dying a lot.
00:47:31.100
And I think just, just from a genetic standpoint, I just don't think you and I would should have
00:47:54.940
Oh, that'd be amazing if we gave birth to the first senior citizen.
00:48:07.200
He would do it just to have a new credit in town.
00:48:14.580
And Bobby, I want you to know, I, I, look, we're just having a conversation here.
00:48:20.900
I, you don't think anything's been inappropriate here.
00:48:27.560
Sometimes I was like scared about talking about stuff because sometimes I just don't, I think
00:48:30.040
in the world, no one ever told me what's appropriate or what's inappropriate.
00:48:33.820
But we've known each other long enough to know, like, it's all, you know, it's all love.
00:48:38.420
It's just, again, I'll say the word you hate the most, it's family.
00:48:45.120
No, but sometimes like I do wish that Bobby would be a little bit more jealous.
00:48:57.440
I would get a tattoo on myself, jealous man for you.
00:49:00.780
If you wanted me to, maybe if you didn't want me to, I wouldn't.
00:49:09.520
But if someone shows like absolute faith and confidence in me, then it's like I just
00:49:16.060
become a homebody and I, I don't know, there's something really attractive about that.
00:49:20.760
When somebody shows absolute faith and confidence in you?
00:49:40.640
And I have a question for Kalilah, who I think we all know she spends a lot of time with a
00:49:49.760
And I imagine the people want to know when, you know, little bobbies are on the way because
00:49:57.600
I think the world needs a few more bobbies if they didn't have enough already.
00:50:03.240
You know, it's starting to seem like that house is just becoming like a dog pound.
00:50:13.500
I feel like you've been dodging the answer to this question.
00:50:26.560
I feel like I've been very clear about where I stand on having children.
00:50:32.560
The same reason that you fear he's just going to perish.
00:50:37.060
I think you alone have said vomiting, diarrhea, fire.
00:50:44.380
So those, a lot of things people don't deal with on a regular basis.
00:50:47.720
Also, I went to his birthday one time eating very dangerous food.
00:50:50.920
That was Filipino food and the restaurant was great.
00:51:04.160
So anyway, I'm just saying, that's all I'm saying is, as a natural being, if you see a
00:51:12.960
woman and a male, it doesn't matter the age, is there anything, one of the first thoughts
00:51:23.720
So I think that's what, if I saw you with some, like you said, some six foot six rugby
00:51:28.700
guy, you almost feel like, oh, there's no chance that that guy's probably going to survive.
00:51:41.360
If Bobby's a safe short man, wearing safe attire, wearing things that are reflective clothing, but Bobby...
00:51:53.820
You know that he always wears a construction shirt that no one understands why he wears,
00:52:00.100
He's under construction like no one else I've ever met.
00:52:06.920
But also, I've seen him drive off many times into the night with no headlights on, and he
00:52:12.080
will literally, while it's loading, shine his Candy Crush game at the road in order to
00:52:31.080
It's a couple things, but that's definitely one of the reasons.
00:52:35.420
I need him to prove that he's going to stay alive.
00:52:46.440
Well, if you are a single mom, we definitely have a fund for single moms who are more than
00:52:53.780
But so, he needs to prove that he's staying alive.
00:52:59.420
Do you start to see some of those fatherly characteristics?
00:53:01.580
Because I noticed one thing that's nice about Bobby is, like, if I text Bobby and say,
00:53:17.500
He told me one time, he told me he had passed away once, which I was like, well, you should
00:53:22.860
have somebody else tell me because you ruined it to get out of something.
00:53:31.480
He's one of the most reliable guys that I know.
00:53:34.400
And the guy asked a question earlier, like, two questions before this about what it's
00:53:42.520
Like, he just has a bandwidth for very few people.
00:53:45.980
But those people that he has a bandwidth for, he really comes through for.
00:53:50.140
But in terms of children, that's a whole nother ballgame.
00:53:56.680
And but in five minute spurts and having kids is not a five minute game.
00:54:03.340
And I take that stuff really, really seriously.
00:54:05.060
So it's we're going through it in therapy right now.
00:54:08.560
It's like we're trying to work through exactly like what my expectations are, you know, in
00:54:14.900
And yeah, that's something that we're working through.
00:54:22.500
I need to see that he wants to be alive for at the very least till the kid's 12.
00:54:27.300
The smoking, you know, just the reckless stuff you're talking about.
00:54:40.020
Literally, the kid would be on the roof in that little attachment to the baby seat.
00:54:49.200
Like, or like he'd leave the baby at like the top of the car.
00:54:55.760
And I don't know if I could leave the kid with him with a father.
00:54:59.640
Like, I should be able to feel confident about that.
00:55:02.060
That's all I'm saying is when I see him, certain alarms, litmus papers inside of my brain flare up, you know, ammonia, gas leaks, everything.
00:55:15.200
I mean, they're just a propensity, this raging, this rolling ball, this Korean Ignatius Riley that's just rolling down the hill, this tumbleweed of perfection that is just wandering through the through the existence, bringing so much joy to so many people.
00:55:31.360
Flammable is, yeah, is that's just, it's just, it's risque.
00:55:40.380
I, yeah, you would definitely, and I see why also you and Bobby make such a good pair is because you are this loving, nurturing breast of a goddess of a human.
00:55:52.500
You know, you're like this breast of the Lord, breast of Christ.
00:55:55.100
Oh, wait, didn't you want one of my breast implants?
00:56:02.180
Because the last time you were on Tiger Belly, you were like, let me have one of your breast implants.
00:56:11.280
Which I haven't read in a while because I'm reading something else.
00:56:13.100
You don't have to look very far to know that they've been, they're done.
00:56:25.680
I can't even, it's hard to look at anything else but you, you know, in your entirety.
00:56:38.820
But what I'm trying to tell you, Kalilah, what are we talking about?
00:56:45.100
You said you wanted to talk about volcanoes and then we strayed somewhere else.
00:56:52.940
I just went to a sex and love addiction meeting right before this.
00:56:58.920
I don't go as, I think, I've just been, you know, like just trying to figure out with
00:57:02.000
like addiction and stuff like what is my real problem, you know?
00:57:05.660
Or where do some of my real problems stem from?
00:57:08.180
I think a lot of it stems from like connection and stuff like that.
00:57:13.500
Like, cause like, you know, I go to the meetings for Alcoholics Anonymous, but I don't, I've
00:57:20.600
So it's hard to relate a lot of times when they talk about it.
00:57:24.080
But the emotional side of it, I can relate to tons.
00:57:27.360
It's like whenever they talk about how they're feeling in there, I can relate to all that.
00:57:30.560
When they talk about the drink and I was so, that I can't relate to.
00:57:34.180
But I can relate to when they talk about how they were feeling.
00:57:38.620
SLA, it's a, they talk a lot more about the emotional stuff.
00:57:41.280
It's a lot of people just talking about like how they're feeling, what was going on.
00:57:46.000
Like, um, like, like there was, uh, like a guy was talking about how, um, like relationships
00:57:57.440
and stuff, like he would always, like whenever somebody was like leaving, then they would
00:58:05.420
And whenever somebody was coming on, they would be as distant as they could.
00:58:08.560
And I notice all the time, like I'm always on this weird kind of spectrum.
00:58:11.980
It's hard to get to like an even place with that, you know, like, um, I don't know.
00:58:20.120
But anyway, that kind of stuff is the kind of stuff that I really dig.
00:58:22.620
You know, that's the kind of stuff where it's like when it comes to your feelings,
00:58:25.720
How many times have you been in love in your life?
00:58:28.260
Like truly felt like considered this person as, oh, I could, this could be my life partner.
00:58:34.400
Or I think my first love, I, my, I was in buddy and love with my buddy's mom actually,
00:58:39.460
And she had, I used to sneak over into their hamper.
00:58:45.140
She had this big brassiere and I'd hide in there and fucking huff them cups, daddy.
00:58:48.940
And just, just smell that thing as hard as I could, man.
00:58:57.120
Like when the last time you, Oh, the last time or how many times you've been like, you
00:59:03.240
know, not just enamored or like lustful, but really feeling like you could, you found a
00:59:09.780
Uh, I, you know, I, there was a girl, I was seeing a girl for a few years that I think
00:59:31.220
I just, uh, my own problems come into things that I just couldn't really commit, you know?
00:59:35.060
And I think almost we were better as friends, maybe kind of, um, yeah.
00:59:38.960
But after a while, everyone's better off as friends.
00:59:48.020
No, it sounds like you guys are having a tough time.
00:59:49.340
People are like, when people are like, we've been, you know, 20 years deep.
00:59:53.600
We're still so in love and we have sex every day.
00:59:59.020
Whoever you are, wife, if you freaking try to have sex with me every day, I'm calling
01:00:16.920
Oh, I'll take that broad the damn, uh, what is it called where they fight at night and
01:00:30.680
That's basically, that's exactly how I feel during sex.
01:00:41.620
I will take that lady to medieval times if she needs a little bit of pleasure.
01:00:45.220
And I'll take her to urban night at medieval times where she, they will get the job done.
01:00:53.760
We do like, um, century-based like role play and stuff.
01:00:57.180
We can't be, we've been together for so long, for almost a decade.
01:01:00.180
Like, we have to be someone else for each other because the, he's tired of Kalilah as Kalilah.
01:01:12.080
I'm just one man with a diary, you know, that's filled up all the pages.
01:01:20.720
And here's Dave Portnoy in disguise right here.
01:01:45.420
I mean, I think you look healthy and I think you look like a woman.
01:01:53.240
Um, yeah, you know, I think sometimes I get afraid to like talk with women about like
01:01:57.680
your thing, like, yeah, I just get afraid to be brave, I think sometimes.
01:02:02.700
I'm like, you just got to talk about what you like or what you don't like, what you feel
01:02:11.120
And if something builds from there, then great.
01:02:14.980
I think sometimes I just like, um, I don't know.
01:02:20.020
I just have so many, I have just a lot of weird things.
01:02:23.280
Just like, I don't know, just some uncomforts around a lot of that kind of shit.
01:02:31.040
I think she was like really cool, but she was kind of afraid.
01:02:36.080
I just was afraid to like commit and say that I kind of liked her.
01:02:39.440
I was just afraid to like, hey, I really like you.
01:02:42.380
Like, because I don't know what I'm afraid of then, I guess.
01:02:46.440
Today's episode is brought to you by Modify and the last website you will ever need.
01:02:51.480
You know, we have our last website up right now, and I'm glad.
01:02:58.340
I'm ready for the last one, and I'm on it, and we're doing it.
01:03:24.100
If it seems too good to be true, well, it really could be.
01:03:29.040
Learn more about the last website you'll ever need.
01:03:31.520
Visit Modify.com slash Theo and get a $250 credit when you subscribe for your world-class website.
01:03:50.160
Also, I want to let you guys know, we got some well-designed art that was done for us
01:03:55.680
of the caricatures and cartoons of all your favorite podcasters, and you can grab that
01:04:09.280
Like, you know, but that you have to figure out, you know, there's so many reasons why
01:04:13.500
someone wouldn't just come out and say that they like someone.
01:04:17.240
Number one, like, like that you just don't, you just, there's so many things that you can't
01:04:24.840
But you have to figure that out for yourself because, you know, but, but I will say, and
01:04:30.460
now I don't know you in depth, in depth, um, I understand you.
01:04:39.820
You are not a complicated math equation for me.
01:04:43.560
Like when I look at you, when I listen to you, when I see you around people, or maybe
01:04:49.640
there's just a kindred nature between us, but I get you.
01:04:55.120
Maybe that's why I have some like affinity for you is because.
01:05:06.840
I think I feel, and also some of it is just your people's nature.
01:05:18.000
And a lot of them, I will be honest, have names like Linda, Lucky, Susan.
01:05:22.560
But, um, uh, but also, um, yeah, I think there's just something about that.
01:05:31.860
I think that's what you feel like a lot of times or seem like, you know, I've never touched
01:05:35.500
your skin or anything, but I feel, you seem like a safe space.
01:05:39.920
So I think that that's one thing that's kind of nice about you, which is probably why a
01:05:44.560
And I could easily see why you and Bobby would make a perfect fit, you know?
01:05:49.340
And that's one thing I think as I got to know you a little bit better, I was like,
01:06:00.040
We're not putting that out in the universe one more time on this show.
01:06:10.200
I grew up in a really, really chaotic environment.
01:06:13.140
And so it makes sense for me, like complicated people, like don't, it threatened me in any
01:06:20.060
It almost feels like I just want to be around somebody with that story behind them.
01:06:27.140
I don't want, like when I look at George Kimmel, love you, George, love you to death.
01:06:32.800
I literally would not, I could not live without George.
01:06:35.940
But like, I would never date him because we would just, and I can, you can hear, if
01:06:41.440
you listen, you can hear George's heart breaking.
01:06:47.040
But yeah, I could not, I wouldn't, I wouldn't be able to because he grew up in a very steady
01:06:52.460
family, in a very steady upbringing with good family, good values, a lot, very safe.
01:07:00.320
You knew the guy was going to put like really put a fricking gun in your butt.
01:07:14.780
If we're going to play Atlanta, let's play Atlanta.
01:07:21.280
And here's Dave Portnoy, obviously, again, trying to sneak back in in his disguise.
01:07:33.840
Uh, I wonder how long into dating somebody you should start revealing Bobby isms, if you
01:07:41.520
Um, weird things about your life, because I find them endearing when people learn about
01:07:47.700
But I think most women find them to be like a super turnoff.
01:07:51.180
Um, and my buddies always tell me you should chill, you know, don't reveal who you really
01:07:57.140
are, because I like to do that on the first date over drinks.
01:08:00.380
Um, so yeah, I just want to know how long before Bobby isms can start coming out into
01:08:07.300
He's doing, he's doing, he's doing, the Bobby ism that he's doing is actually trying to do
01:08:19.660
And I don't think that you are going into the situation in an honest way.
01:08:28.300
I'm going to dry shave during this fancy dinner.
01:08:30.620
Like you can't do that because you really are just putting on a show and that's not
01:08:38.360
Um, so what you're doing is already a Bobby ism.
01:08:42.820
I, if you're talking about a farting, just being an overall animal.
01:08:49.700
That's an inescapable thing to find out about someone once you, you know, are a couple months
01:08:58.620
So if you show up on the first date and you show me your girl hips, like six months down
01:09:06.340
So that's something I would like to know on the first date.
01:09:23.120
I don't even care if you're super fat or anything.
01:09:36.480
I have a German shepherd I'm fostering with double hip dysplasia.
01:09:42.740
That thing sounds like it could fucking work at a strip club.
01:09:52.840
But I'm saying you got to make that money, mommy.
01:09:55.780
Um, yeah, it's interesting, you know, it's interesting trying to be, I'm just realizing
01:10:00.980
that I need to start to get to like kind of, I just need to be more, I need to be, I got
01:10:07.840
to be more with it when it comes to like any relationships.
01:10:10.820
If I want to have something serious down the line, you know, but you're not looking right.
01:10:15.260
Like it's something that you just want to, um, you want to stumble.
01:10:22.500
I've considered, I got on for like a night one time and I got a little bit scared.
01:10:28.080
I just, I just want to make sure that like, I just don't want to waste my time.
01:10:33.340
I don't want to be wasting my time with some like thoughts or, you know, I mean, I'm just,
01:10:45.060
I didn't do it for a while, but if I would get wasted or something, I would do it, you
01:10:48.460
know, or if I would get like, you know, you know, I had a time a while, like not like
01:10:54.560
a few months back where I just had like, I was just like in a bad way and I just got,
01:11:01.860
It's always like this embarrassing, it's just always this uncomfortable thing.
01:11:07.080
None of it's ever really ideal, you know, but I want to get away from whatever feelings
01:11:25.060
That's what my finishing moves am I starting move?
01:11:35.440
You know, I also need to be able to cradle myself, you know, so that's one of the things
01:11:39.280
is I have to be able to parent myself enough in certain situations where I'm like, uh, managing
01:11:44.340
myself well, you know, and for the most part I do, you know, and nothing's perfect and nothing's
01:11:49.640
You can't be with someone codependent either who thinks that they have to fix you.
01:11:55.320
Cause that's what I was for a really long time in Bobby's life.
01:11:57.640
We weren't exactly like super healthy in the beginning either.
01:12:00.420
Cause I'm somebody who's always like, what can I do?
01:12:03.820
Like I'm, I always want to, this thing that hangs over my head a lot.
01:12:08.160
I'm like, if you're not enhancing someone's life, like, what are you even there for?
01:12:11.940
And so I felt this like pressure to just make sure that he was always okay, doing well,
01:12:18.060
And, and then I kind of left myself behind a little bit.
01:12:25.900
Like I put those expectations on myself and that's, that's a really dumb thing to do.
01:12:31.920
Cause I feel like you're not, you're going to want out immediately.
01:12:38.680
This lady right here seems like she might want it.
01:12:47.200
I am coming to you guys from Abbotsford, British Columbia, Canada.
01:12:54.780
Uh, I'm coming to you with a fuck, marry, kill today for Kalilah, but before I get into
01:12:59.720
it, I just wanted to let you guys know, uh, how much I love you both.
01:13:03.100
Theo, I saw you when you came to Vancouver in 2019.
01:13:06.160
Can't wait for the border to open so you can come back.
01:13:08.560
Uh, you guys have been really getting me through the pandy.
01:13:11.280
Like I said, I live in Canada and my husband lives in Washington.
01:13:17.100
With the border closure and everything like that.
01:13:20.360
Um, you've gotten me through some really rough spots.
01:13:26.280
Uh, the fuck, marry, kill I have for Kalilah is between Esther, Theo, and Annie.
01:13:32.020
And whoever you kill, I want you to tell me how you do it.
01:13:44.980
That was a little border thing I just made out.
01:13:51.280
I think Snoqualmie would be a cute name for a child actually.
01:14:04.000
I can't wait to, I mean it could if your child wants to.
01:14:06.820
I think children are going to be able to do whatever they want.
01:14:09.000
They said in tears you would have a black child even if you're not even black.
01:14:11.540
So, that's going to flip whole BLM shit on its head, fam.
01:14:17.000
When I show up with black, fucking one black leg, one strawberry leg, dude.
01:14:27.800
Thank you very much and I'm sorry you and your husband are dealing with these discrepancies
01:14:33.260
So, fuck, marry, kill, fuck, Esther, Annie, and Theo.
01:14:39.580
I feel like we've, I feel like I don't want to be like, you don't feel like I've been flirting
01:14:47.280
I made a mistake about saying, like, considering, like, to a throuple and I have regrets.
01:14:56.080
I just don't want to be inappropriate with my friend's girlfriend.
01:15:01.520
If I felt you were ever inappropriate with me, I would have never been, I wouldn't do this
01:15:23.680
No, let's, let's, let's be authentic about this.
01:15:43.820
Because I love them so equally, Annie and Esther, for many different ways.
01:15:59.120
We should do a, what if we did a dating advice podcast?
01:16:05.640
I'd be like, yeah, throw in a fourth person in there.
01:16:18.740
Dude, it would be a good show, though, wouldn't it, George?
01:16:27.720
And what about, where do you see George ending up?
01:16:41.300
You guys are moving forward over at Y'all's Podcast.
01:16:53.500
And I love that you have a gap, because I have a gap, too.
01:17:28.920
What you should make is a small clitoris you could sell to people after shows.
01:17:34.240
I didn't say you did, and I would never accuse you of that, and I would never even imagine
01:17:53.580
There's nothing, like, you couldn't pick it out of the lineup.
01:18:02.480
I wish I had, like, just either direction I wish I had more of.
01:18:10.360
Here's a guy who's probably been in the military, it looks like, or witness protection.
01:18:14.420
This could be the kickoff of your relationship advice podcast.
01:18:21.180
Just wanted to get your advice on a recent development I had.
01:18:25.340
I recently got left by my wife for another woman.
01:18:33.760
Yeah, I guess I'll just look for any advice you guys would give as I move on to this next
01:18:47.460
Just say it in an open forum like this and just to share it, you know.
01:18:51.800
Man, that just sounds heartbreaking, especially if you didn't know.
01:19:03.440
I always tell Bobby, give me six months notice.
01:19:06.000
I don't care if, I don't even care to try to win you back in those six months.
01:19:10.600
Just don't come home one day and say we're done without giving me, giving me a chance
01:19:20.720
This guy is, I can't imagine that kind of pain.
01:19:26.080
But in terms of her leaving you for a woman, like that shouldn't be a shot to your ego
01:19:32.020
It just means that she was into both or maybe she's just coming into this realization about
01:19:37.280
Um, I, um, I have nothing to say besides I really feel for you because that's my biggest
01:19:46.160
If Bobby were to blindside me, I would not just murder him.
01:19:50.460
I would ground his body in a blender and eat it and then shit it out into his brother's
01:20:05.120
And, uh, or, and also some, some vitamin D and God bless you, Stevie.
01:20:12.560
And, um, wait, did the whole drama get resolved?
01:20:20.460
Oh, he was, but it's, you know, it's life, man.
01:20:23.920
Everybody goes through different stuff and we love him and just hoping the best for him.
01:20:27.980
I was texting him earlier, but here's what I'm saying is this fella.
01:20:31.060
If she left you for a woman, yeah, you got, you can't be like, it's a bummer, but you
01:20:39.280
You're playing metal gear solid and she's doing, you know, she's Mario cart.
01:20:44.740
It's just, you're not even, it's like, it doesn't help any, but at least, yeah, she didn't
01:20:51.380
I hate to say it, but it's just like, whatever's going on is what's supposed to go on, you know?
01:20:56.440
So it's like, this is where you're at now and you look decent, you look semi-decent at
01:21:03.560
And, um, yeah, I would get a little bit of sunshine maybe and, and get back out there
01:21:10.280
I don't think that you should run out there and fuck, and fuck the first girl you see.
01:21:16.800
Because I feel like that just makes things worse emotionally.
01:21:19.880
I think that men don't have, don't necessarily like to ruminate and sit on feelings, but sit
01:21:29.500
Get to know it so well that it doesn't hurt you anymore.
01:21:33.560
It becomes a familiar thing that you feel and then a familiar thing you expect to feel
01:21:38.640
And one day you'll be like, oh, I feel it a little bit less.
01:21:42.380
And, you know, that's just the name of the game.
01:21:45.920
It's why Theo doesn't want to get close to a woman.
01:21:52.420
And maybe like, maybe it's a good time too to see you, you probably could learn a lot
01:21:56.440
You could probably learn a lot about yourself, you know?
01:21:59.020
See what things you were doing good, what things you weren't.
01:22:00.980
This relationship just wasn't supposed to be the one for you, you know, at least not
01:22:05.740
She's out there on a different horizon, man, you know?
01:22:11.680
And so what you can't do is you can't be a woman.
01:22:14.660
And sometimes earth-shattering things are so valuable.
01:22:19.500
Like, this is going to sound really corny because I do Peloton, but my instructor the
01:22:23.980
She's like, on the other side of that pain is the growth, right?
01:22:29.380
But, um, and I usually hate like Instagram mantras of that sort, but it makes sense.
01:22:37.060
And, um, while I feel for you, I also congratulate you on the growth.
01:22:43.240
The discomfort, that's where it's going to be wild, man, is when you're feeling, it's
01:22:48.640
When you feel bad, go for a run, go do some things to keep your spirits up.
01:22:51.960
You know, this is a great chance for you to really babysit your own spirit.
01:22:54.580
Or, or if you don't feel inclined to go on a run and you want to cry it out for a week,
01:23:06.200
Oh, I would listen to O-Town because I want it all or nothing at all.
01:23:20.580
When there's no one left to fall and you reach the bottom, it's now or never.
01:23:46.240
What's that one picture over there with the semi-nudity?
01:24:07.180
I saw Ashley not too long ago at my friend Matt's birthday party.
01:24:12.640
He used to do one of the best impersonations of John Fitzgerald.
01:24:18.560
Who was the guy that was in, hey, don't you want to go?
01:24:38.720
You know what I'm talking about, the movie, Grease Lightning.
01:24:48.120
He used to do one of the best John Travolta impersonations.
01:24:50.000
He could have just said Scientology or, you know.
01:24:53.800
Yeah, if I was doing Tom Cruise, I would have said that.
01:25:02.960
Hey, Theo and Kalilah, it's Patrick from Melbourne.
01:25:07.680
Whether there's something about the Philippines that you really miss, which America doesn't have.
01:25:16.640
Have found them getting rejected from women a lot more since listening to it.
01:25:26.740
But, hey, let us know when you do get it, Dame, bro.
01:25:28.940
We support your wins over here this past weekend, baby.
01:25:43.520
I couldn't go back to Melbourne for a long time because there was a boy who wanted to kill me.
01:25:54.440
Because when he was the last guy that I briefly, briefly dated before getting with Bobby and he did not take it well.
01:26:04.040
And there were lots of – we're okay now, so I think that I can safely head back to Melbourne.
01:26:10.280
But, yeah, that was a situation for a long time.
01:26:22.520
I thought I was going to be – yeah, fish bait.
01:26:28.320
But fish food's almost the ultimate romantic finish for a Filipino, I feel like.
01:26:42.600
Would you rather be – imagine you want to – would you rather be fried or something at the end?
01:26:47.160
I really, really, really love this thing called dungit.
01:26:55.660
And it smells real strong, but it's real crunchy, and you eat it with vinegar and a little bit of chili and rice.
01:27:09.100
Oh, it's – I don't see how you can even remember anything around each other.
01:27:21.280
And I believe that – now after talking to you, I believe that maybe my soulmate could be a Filipino woman or semi-Filipino or maybe from the Azores.
01:27:35.400
Or British or maybe – not British, but like Portugal.
01:27:47.160
The thing I miss most about the Philippines are –
01:27:58.320
Manny Pacquiao named his daughter Queen Elizabeth.
01:28:07.680
Who doesn't want a little Chipotle as your girlfriend?
01:28:09.660
You know that during the pandemic, a Filipino named their kid COVID Bryant.
01:28:19.800
It's just like a beautiful wander through existence.
01:28:22.680
It's not this – every day doesn't have to be this death-defying act, you know?
01:28:29.420
You had to pick one person to be the ambassador for the human race to meet aliens.
01:28:35.780
I'd probably pick – probably a Filipino, dude.
01:28:45.600
You know, they call them the smiling people somewhere on the internet.
01:28:50.620
And every Filipino I meet, they're real gracious.
01:28:56.700
You don't fucking – who else are you going to send out there, dude?
01:28:59.860
A fucking drunk – you know, somebody from Scotland.
01:29:05.600
You've got to send somebody who is caring, I think.
01:29:12.220
There's nothing – when you go, because you're going to come with us the next time we go, right?
01:29:28.000
People are nice – not just nice, and I shouldn't say that because, you know, it's like there's a long history of, like, us being, like, held down and colonized by the Spanish for 300 years.
01:29:36.240
There is, like, a colonial mentality of we are less, we might be less.
01:29:41.580
Let's kind of, you know, revere the white man a little bit.
01:29:44.400
But while there is that, there is more collective joy in that third world country than I feel in America.
01:29:55.260
Like, if you get out of Los Angeles, I think you feel there's a lot more comfort out in America than there is here.
01:30:06.820
It has always felt like home, and that's what I don't – like, the misconception about L.A. is that Hollywood is L.A.
01:30:18.620
They're – like, that's how – that's why, like, my heart will always belong here.
01:30:23.580
Because it wasn't until I met Bobby that I was introduced to this other part of L.A.
01:30:28.780
And there's a lot of delusion and a lot of out-of-touchness.
01:30:35.200
L.A. does get a bad rap because it's just Hollywood, yeah.
01:30:38.040
Because Hollywood has the most control over the media and the power stuff.
01:30:40.620
But you go on, like, what's the podcast with David So and –
01:30:44.380
Yeah, you go on J.K. News, and immediately – that's where I – that's one of the first places I realized, oh, my God, there's a ton of people who think just like I do, who are different cultures, who aren't Hollywood-style people, who are fucking awesome.
01:30:58.200
Like, this is a vibe of people that's more like L.A.
01:31:00.640
Yeah, and it's unfortunate that – let's say, for instance, someone like you, because this is all – this is your job.
01:31:10.520
But, you know, it's such a vast city with just so much, like, just so many cool things about it.
01:31:28.760
I saw you wear the Dodger jersey, and I got excited.
01:31:37.080
I'm also – I think I'm a fan of a couple of players that I know, so –
01:31:44.640
I mean, I'm a Louisiana fan, and we don't have a team, you know.
01:31:46.920
We got a lot of, like – you know, the Pelicans are our newest team in the basketball.
01:31:51.240
But I like the Dodgers, man, and I love their – I think – I love what they got going on this season,
01:32:02.900
And Joe Musgrove, who just had that no-hitter, like, two weeks ago, who gets to pitch in his home –
01:32:12.080
I'm always – I feel so blessed to know people that have, like, such cool stories
01:32:15.780
and just, like, to even have a moment of their life here or there to get to, like, know a little bit about them.
01:32:24.480
Every time I'm around Bobby, I want him to just be there forever, you know?
01:32:46.380
I'm sleeping in my own bedroom, okay, no matter where I'm at.
01:32:51.200
Let's suppose I say, Theo, I want you in my life.
01:33:01.180
But he can still, what do you call that when you're astral projecting?
01:33:05.720
Back into his body that's been taxidermized on the wall.
01:33:09.960
And that's my only stipulation is that, Theo, I will let you into my life, but Bobby's body
01:33:14.300
stays in our love lair and he's looking over us like this.
01:33:19.380
I would like to, if he's like this, I would like to put him in a diaper and put a bow
01:33:32.340
That's all I ask, you know, but I would never wish anything bad on him.
01:33:40.420
You know, he just lives such a risky lifestyle.
01:33:44.120
Cause it, my words don't mean anything to him anymore.
01:33:46.460
I'll try to tell him I had that episode, the intervention episode about, and he had to
01:33:51.300
empty that huge bucket of urine that he'd been keeping in the house.
01:34:04.260
I told my mom before I got here, I was like, where are you going?
01:34:11.320
Oh, if anything ever happens to Richard, man, or Roger, any of them, any of her friends,
01:34:23.880
He always looks like he's about to step into Wimbledon court.
01:34:43.200
We might, I don't know if we kind of covered everything.
01:34:44.600
We've got one more question right here from a young fella.
01:34:52.720
What I want to know, Kalilah, is what is the most romantic thing that Bobby has ever done
01:35:04.180
Probably let her come on this podcast is what I was going to say, but that's just a joke.
01:35:16.840
It just isn't, and it's something that I've come to terms with and don't expect.
01:35:32.700
He got a guy, one of his friends, to buy me flowers for Valentine's Day.
01:35:41.400
I think he had Alex George say, hey, dude, whatever, I'll Venmo you right now, and he
01:35:46.960
He was playing video games with Alex, and he was like, hey, dude, can you go out to the
01:35:51.640
first florist you see and just bring it to my door?
01:35:54.360
And that's how it, that's the extent of the romance.
01:35:59.420
And I think it comes from him not seeing it around in his life, whereas I just saw my
01:36:09.300
So it hurts me a little bit, but it's, you know, he makes up for it in other ways.
01:36:23.720
This is why I have a hard time, this is what Bobby and I struggle with, because I'm like,
01:36:27.840
it's not that I want you to have 100% romance, have 2%, something.
01:36:35.040
But my dad would have dinner for my mom, like cook for her, write her poems, like wash
01:36:45.060
Hang it up on, you know, just hand wash her clothes.
01:36:48.660
And when he was, you know, my dad was really old, but we didn't have a car when we, our
01:36:53.940
first couple of years in America, and my mom had to get to work.
01:36:57.880
He would do something like this, where he's like, you don't take the bus today.
01:37:00.660
He would call access vans, because he was eligible for a senior ride.
01:37:06.020
And he would, and mind you, he was a sick man, and he was dying, but he would order the
01:37:11.340
access van, get in the van with her to drop her off at work, so she wouldn't have to take
01:37:15.360
three buses there, and then wait another hour at her work to go back in an access van.
01:37:21.380
But that doesn't seem like a lot, but he was in his late 70s at this point.
01:37:27.240
But things like that, I saw, mattered to me, and had such a big effect on my life, and
01:37:37.100
So I offer him grace in that way, because he wasn't as lucky to have it in his life, like
01:37:48.260
I remember, yeah, my parents didn't have, like, a lot of stuff like that.
01:37:52.420
I saw my parents kiss one time at, like, a birthday.
01:37:55.920
And it was like my dad, like, kissed my mom on the head, I remember.
01:38:16.120
Did your dad, did your mom carry on relationships with other men at all?
01:38:25.240
I think after they split up, she ended up meeting a man.
01:38:29.140
But, yeah, they just, I don't know, my dad always slept on the couch.
01:38:35.320
So I think even now when I think about, like, being in separate places, being in separate
01:38:39.240
rooms, like, that kind of stuff feels normal to me, I guess, you know?
01:38:42.420
I think you don't realize how much those little things when you're a kid really, like, kind
01:38:47.900
Like, the discomfort of, like, I think, yeah, maybe my mom had such discomfort with my dad
01:38:54.860
Maybe you're a lot more similar to Bobby in that regard.
01:38:57.620
Because while my parents were really, were very different ages, there was love there.
01:39:09.120
And from a distance, it looked like a 90-day fiancé situation gone wrong.
01:39:15.760
Like, rich old guy, because my dad was a rich guy.
01:39:19.420
Went back to the Philippines, got himself, like, a young Philippine hussy.
01:39:22.920
Because my dad eventually lost all his money, and my mom never left his side.
01:39:27.920
Till the day he died, all her friends were like, oh, does he have an inheritance?
01:39:31.280
And she's not a single fucking dime, because he was a poor gambler.
01:39:38.560
And that's where it becomes a situation where Bobby doesn't require certain things in a relationship,
01:39:45.080
and I do, because I yearn for that love they have.
01:39:50.440
But it's nice that you're willing to at least, or it seems like you're brave enough to try
01:39:55.000
and make that for yourself, you know, even if it's not coming in 100% from the other person
01:40:03.360
My, I can't require Bobby to give me, he can't be my one-stop shop for everything.
01:40:14.480
Like, my emotional needs, you know, don't have to be tended to by this man.
01:40:23.120
So, in that regard, I do tell him, like, hey, up your romance game a little bit.
01:40:27.820
I understand that you didn't grow up with Christmas trees or love, and that you got beat up a lot.
01:40:32.460
But this is what I need, and this is what I know you're able to give.
01:40:43.920
Well, we learned a lot about love here today, guys.
01:40:46.420
I feel like, you know, I really appreciate you coming in and just talking.
01:40:50.140
It's so nice to talk to a woman for a while and not have anybody, not there be any, like, no expectations or no, like, uncomfort, you know?
01:41:01.720
I mean, there's, like, some fun moments, but I didn't really feel any uncomfort, and, you know, I really feel like chatting with you is fun because it's, like, an environment where I can, like, learn a little, share a little.
01:41:14.720
And should we just put it on record that we are not each other's side pieces?
01:41:20.440
Who would, I don't know who would ever think that.
01:41:22.960
Nick's been putting it on those message boards, I think.
01:41:24.580
So, stop messaging me asking if Theo has eaten my butt, because he certainly hasn't.
01:41:42.780
It'd be, like, that blue ice vape, you know what I'm saying, bro?
01:41:47.680
You know that candy that leaves your tongue all blue?
01:41:56.200
You should put, like, that bank die, like they put on the money, on your butthole.
01:42:00.120
That way, people would know if I had been or not.
01:42:04.300
And right now, if we can just edit in a bunch of that blue die right now, this would be a
01:42:14.700
You guys, go check out Bloodbath with Kalilah and Annie Letterman and Esther Pavitsky.
01:43:33.840
They're worn so thin that they're damn near gone