This Past Weekend with Theo Von - E336 Khalyla

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00:00:33.720 Today's guest is a woman that, I mean a woman that really, I'd be out lying if I said she didn't occupy one of my aortas a lot of times. 1.00

00:00:44.040 And, you know, she's a very loving lady that is part of the podcast community.

00:00:48.940 And a wonderful podcaster in her own right.

00:00:53.500 And she has a new podcast called Bloodbath that you can check out.

00:00:58.680 Uh, she's a real heartbeat in the world.

00:01:02.860 And we're happy to have her here today.

00:01:05.100 Miss Kalilah.

00:01:06.460 For me to set that parking brake and let myself unwind

00:01:12.380 Shine that light on me

00:01:16.380 I'll sit and tell you my stories

00:01:22.080 Shine on me

00:01:27.080 You're always one of the comics that I always felt like, oh, I like him, which is kind of a rare thing.

00:01:48.200 Really?

00:01:48.960 Yeah.

00:01:49.120 Thank you.

00:01:50.540 I always, I mean, I think it's hard whenever somebody sees you not to be like, you know, have some sort of desire around you or something like that.

00:02:01.800 You know, I think you see you, I think you seem very desirable.

00:02:05.220 I have a question about that.

00:02:06.580 Yeah.

00:02:08.560 Especially to a white man.

00:02:10.280 Or semi-white.

00:02:11.060 I'm semi-white.

00:02:12.300 Does the question of desirability have to do with who my partner is?

00:02:17.020 Like, if a guy sees me.

00:02:19.100 Yeah.

00:02:19.460 Does the desirability level go up because he thinks that Bobby is somehow not an equal to me?

00:02:25.700 Or, like, let's say I was with, like, a strapping six-foot-four guy.

00:02:31.880 Okay.

00:02:32.920 Okay, like, what do you mean?

00:02:34.080 Like a Tongan or something? 0.92

00:02:36.620 Tongan, yeah.

00:02:37.640 Love Tongans.

00:02:38.540 Okay.

00:02:39.280 Yeah.

00:02:39.700 So you're saying, so if you were, like, with a big, like, rugby player.

00:02:42.980 Okay, yeah, yeah, rugby guy.

00:02:44.520 Yeah, yeah, yeah, whatever.

00:02:45.640 Immediately in a guy's mind, would I just be off limits?

00:02:48.460 Would you be off limits if I saw you with him? 1.00

00:02:50.940 Versus you seeing me with my little, yeah, my little boiled egg.

00:02:55.840 Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:02:57.420 Do you know what I mean?

00:02:58.360 Like, does that matter?

00:02:58.960 I mean, I just know Bobby has, I just, I feel like with Bobby there's more of, and I say this only out of respect, I love Bobby.

00:03:06.960 And, you know, I hope I get to be a pallbearer at his funeral.

00:03:10.600 If anything ever happens to him, which I hope nothing ever happens to him.

00:03:12.460 I thought you were going to say wedding.

00:03:14.500 Oh, sorry, sorry, sorry.

00:03:15.720 Or it is wedding.

00:03:16.420 Please don't wish him death.

00:03:17.420 Sorry, I would never wish him death. 1.00

00:03:18.920 I'll kill myself. 0.83

00:03:19.660 He is, I will say this, though, and I say it out of love and respect, and I tell him this a lot. 0.97

00:03:23.300 He is more light.

00:03:25.220 You can tell that death looks for him a little.

00:03:27.520 You know, like, he's had some of the addiction stuff.

00:03:30.100 He's had, you know, he's very, he looks very, you know, he looks really like a strong shellfish would kill him, to be honest.

00:03:38.880 But what I'm saying is, so when you see you with.

00:03:41.140 Like a strong shellfish, we're talking like a big lobster with a big carapace.

00:03:45.220 I mean, you're talking.

00:03:46.520 Like, spiny lobster.

00:03:49.040 No, I'm, no, no, I'm talking something to food poisoning.

00:03:52.200 Oh, I was thinking that a lobster would attack him in the ocean.

00:03:57.660 Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no.

00:03:59.400 I mean, I could see a lobster attacking him at maybe like a pool at like a Hampton Inn or something.

00:04:05.020 But, God, you have a beautiful laugh, too.

00:04:07.280 But I think a lobster attacking him like at a, no, I was thinking more him eating a bad shrimp or having a bad piece of pork somewhere.

00:04:14.920 Oh, okay.

00:04:15.660 You know, especially with you guys combining forces of, you guys come from a very background of a lot of street food.

00:04:23.440 It's very popular in your cultures.

00:04:25.120 And so I think that doubles the chances of somebody going there.

00:04:28.340 Well, he has an American stomach.

00:04:29.980 I don't care what his culture is. 0.97

00:04:31.940 You're right.

00:04:32.260 That thing is not steel clad.

00:04:34.120 That's not metal clad.

00:04:35.360 He has diarrhea all day long.

00:04:37.080 Oh, yeah.

00:04:37.660 On oatmeal.

00:04:40.720 He actually looks like where diarrhea started.

00:04:43.380 If somebody were to, I don't know if they can trace it, but I could see suddenly the fuzz just showing up at y'all's door.

00:04:52.900 I mean, look.

00:04:53.740 Kicking it down and Bobby's just on the john, you know, just looking up.

00:04:56.580 He can't get anything.

00:04:57.560 He can't keep anything down, it seems.

00:04:59.180 No, he can't.

00:04:59.460 It's just intractable diarrhea all day long.

00:05:01.940 It's unbelievable.

00:05:04.040 Well, you know, so here's what I do think.

00:05:05.360 I think when you see a guy, when you see a girl like you with Bobby, and I love Bobby and Bobby's probably one of my 50, probably 40 favorite people, I would bet, 30.

00:05:14.320 30 top 30.

00:05:15.920 But you think Bobby is more prone to death, I think, than if I saw you with like a big six-foot guy.

00:05:24.100 That guy seems like, oh, he's going to live forever.

00:05:26.320 So Bobby, there's a, and not in a bad way, you know.

00:05:29.520 I know, I'm sure Bobby's going to live for a long time.

00:05:31.480 But you just see him as being like, oh, anything could happen.

00:05:34.480 And he, you know, he drives and plays games.

00:05:36.580 He just, he puts himself in dangerous ways.

00:05:38.760 So I think then there's, allows a little more room for who is going to care for this woman if something ever happened to him.

00:05:47.660 And not in a bad way.

00:05:48.620 But if, and so it's out of love, I think that you look and say, okay.

00:05:51.920 Whereas if I saw you with some guy like Bill Clinton, like a young Bill Clinton or something, then I think I would be like, oh man, you know, even after he dies, he'll still be able to take care of her.

00:06:03.180 Well, I think that.

00:06:04.280 Well, I don't know if Ghost Bobby could hold you down, is what I'm saying.

00:06:08.540 I don't know.

00:06:09.980 Can somebody help me out here? 0.96

00:06:11.040 I think Bobby would haunt the shit out of both of us. 0.96

00:06:14.700 Yeah, that's true.

00:06:16.640 I mean, if you're, I don't know what you're trying to say, Theo, but you're saying.

00:06:20.760 I'm not trying to say anything.

00:06:21.260 What are you asking me?

00:06:22.660 That's what I feel like.

00:06:23.600 Are you, are you in line to catch me? 0.99

00:06:25.520 Should he die? 1.00

00:06:26.360 No. 0.96

00:06:27.280 Are you the man to take care of this woman and this damsel in distress?

00:06:31.980 What?

00:06:32.300 Is this like a, is this a proposal?

00:06:34.640 No, I, I, this is what I wanted to actually hash out with you.

00:06:38.500 Okay.

00:06:38.740 For some reason, I get a barrage of messages.

00:06:41.640 Okay.

00:06:42.140 And what is barrage?

00:06:42.960 I mean, that's French, isn't it barrage? 0.99

00:06:44.500 It could be.

00:06:45.540 Just always messages pertaining or accusatory messages.

00:06:50.360 Okay.

00:06:50.580 Thinking that you and I are in some sort of, that you're my side piece.

00:06:55.200 That you're my second.

00:06:56.440 All right.

00:06:57.300 And I don't know where that comes from because I don't feel like we've ever talked about it on our podcast or have we?

00:07:02.280 I have never said anything like that.

00:07:03.880 I mean, I don't know if they, do you feel like there's any attraction between us or no?

00:07:09.060 I, I personally don't think so.

00:07:13.440 But I like you a lot.

00:07:14.560 I like you a lot.

00:07:14.980 I said, do you feel like there is?

00:07:16.380 And I don't mean that in a bad way.

00:07:17.640 Okay.

00:07:17.840 Here, let me try to break this down in like a really transparent way.

00:07:20.260 I want to be honest.

00:07:20.880 What's the bottom of this?

00:07:22.820 There are people that I walk past that I feel like an instant like chemistry with.

00:07:27.200 I'm not threatened by that feeling at all.

00:07:29.180 I just kind of like clock it.

00:07:30.900 And then, you know, it's, it's, it validates that I'm human.

00:07:35.080 I do have it with certain people in his life, but not you.

00:07:39.120 Okay.

00:07:40.360 Okay.

00:07:41.300 Can you play a sad sound right here?

00:07:43.220 Do we have any sad sounds queued up?

00:07:47.980 Because you, you feel more like family.

00:07:49.740 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:07:51.740 I know Louisiana is not.

00:07:53.180 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:07:54.100 That's what Bobby always says.

00:07:55.400 So here's what I'm saying is.

00:07:57.300 All right.

00:07:57.740 But, but, but, but, but, but.

00:08:00.260 No, I, I, I, yeah, I just, I think that I, I guess when I look at you and Bobby, what

00:08:07.540 was the original question really?

00:08:09.300 If, if dudes calculate in their mind, some, a woman's desirability based on who she's with.

00:08:15.600 Like.

00:08:16.200 No.

00:08:17.100 Okay.

00:08:17.380 I don't think, I, you know, that's a good question.

00:08:20.040 Do guys calculate a woman's desirability based on who she's with?

00:08:23.700 I think, well, some girls you see and you can just tell a lot of times.

00:08:31.000 Some girls I think you see sometimes and it looks like a money type of thing. 1.00

00:08:36.540 Well, a lot of people assume that about me.

00:08:38.820 About you and Bobby?

00:08:39.740 Yeah, of course.

00:08:40.460 Like, that's the immediate assumption, which is, I think is really unfair because I think

00:08:44.860 Bobby's really cute.

00:08:46.280 Like, I've always been into short, fat boys.

00:08:48.260 Like, that's my time. 0.87

00:08:49.280 Yeah.

00:08:49.540 Oh, Bobby's undeniably cute.

00:08:51.120 Bobby's probably.

00:08:52.460 Bobby, it's crazy. 0.99

00:08:53.560 Bobby, even Bobby versus a black baby. 1.00

00:08:55.620 I'd pick Bobby. 0.98

00:08:56.920 And that's wild. 1.00

00:08:58.060 You don't use a black baby. 1.00

00:08:59.120 Black baby's the cutest. 0.98

00:09:00.240 You know what I'm saying? 0.96

00:09:00.800 Paper rocks, black baby. 1.00

00:09:02.360 Black baby wins every time, dude. 1.00

00:09:03.700 But you do paper, Bobby, black baby, dude. 1.00

00:09:06.700 Bobby, Bobby beats black baby sometimes, man. 0.99

00:09:10.460 Um, so I agree. 0.98

00:09:12.240 I think he's definitely that, he's that Tamagotchi.

00:09:16.380 He's one step past that Tamagotchi. 1.00

00:09:18.340 He's like the shitting Tamagotchi. 0.99

00:09:19.840 You know, he's like the, he's that living, um, he's like Dragon Ball Z, like five Zs, you 0.96

00:09:29.620 know, like a sleeping Dragon Ball.

00:09:31.200 Yeah.

00:09:31.520 Do you watch anime?

00:09:32.840 I do watch a little bit of it.

00:09:34.140 I like to look at drawings a lot.

00:09:35.640 Oh, but you don't watch like anime like on Netflix?

00:09:37.440 I've seen a good bit of it when I was in college, I used to watch some of it.

00:09:39.740 Me and my friend used to watch some of it and I used to borrow a lot of his clothes

00:09:42.360 too.

00:09:43.500 I'm deep into this one.

00:09:44.680 I think you should watch.

00:09:45.660 What is it?

00:09:45.900 It's called Attack on Titan.

00:09:47.240 Attack on Titan?

00:09:48.060 Yeah.

00:09:48.440 Okay.

00:09:49.080 I think you should, but, um.

00:09:50.820 I'll watch it since you suggested it.

00:09:52.760 But yes, Bobby is a Tamagotchi.

00:09:54.980 Is that how you say it?

00:09:55.420 I used to say Tamagotchi.

00:09:57.040 Oh, really?

00:09:57.600 Tamagotchi?

00:09:58.380 Tamagotchi.

00:09:58.540 Tamagotchi is like a rich thing, I think.

00:10:00.460 It's like, oh, it's like, it's like, you know, it'll leave you in an instant, dude,

00:10:05.140 if you don't make money.

00:10:06.300 Do you know that there's a cemetery specifically for Tamagotchis apparently?

00:10:11.060 And it's in America.

00:10:11.940 It's like somewhere in Virginia.

00:10:13.020 Oh, wow.

00:10:13.560 Where people, where you can go and basically like lay your Tamagotchi to rest.

00:10:18.080 Yeah.

00:10:18.740 No, I didn't know that.

00:10:19.820 It's a pet cemetery.

00:10:21.440 Oh, I didn't even know that.

00:10:22.340 That's cool.

00:10:22.680 Or like something digital.

00:10:23.940 Yeah, I remember they had a bunch of, there you go right there, a digital cemetery.

00:10:29.820 That's probably good for the environment.

00:10:31.860 Why not, dude?

00:10:33.520 I think Richmond can use anything it can get right now.

00:10:37.840 But that's such a good question.

00:10:39.520 Do I see a woman or a man?

00:10:42.260 Sometimes you think, I think once you get to know them, you can tell if it's about love

00:10:45.740 or not, you know?

00:10:46.520 I think that kind of happens, you know?

00:10:48.040 I want to know what you thought when you first met me or even before you saw.

00:10:52.400 I thought you guys met online.

00:10:53.940 I mean, for sure.

00:10:56.200 For sure.

00:10:57.020 That's what I thought.

00:10:58.100 That was my first thought.

00:10:58.900 We did because I lived in a, I lived an hour away from here.

00:11:02.300 I was in Long Beach.

00:11:03.260 You were?

00:11:03.740 Yeah.

00:11:04.100 Okay.

00:11:04.760 So I thought, oh, they met, these people met online and I was happy for Bobby.

00:11:12.020 I want to know the worst thing you thought about me.

00:11:15.120 Oh, I don't think it was.

00:11:16.340 I never thought nothing bad.

00:11:18.840 Like, what would I even think that could be bad?

00:11:20.460 Like you got attacked by or something or you were in a fire or something?

00:11:22.540 I always, I always wonder like, like, you know, when you try to, again, it's a calculation

00:11:28.660 thing. 1.00

00:11:29.180 Like, oh, she has to, she has to be really stupid or she has to be this or she has to 1.00

00:11:34.140 have really bad breath or her, her pussy is made of, you know, has teeth in it. 1.00

00:11:38.380 Like, I don't know like what dudes think, like when they try to weigh out why I would 1.00

00:11:42.880 be with my little munchkin.

00:11:45.700 Look, I, I mean, I love, Bobby's one of the best, you know, Bobby's one of the best comedians

00:11:50.980 that I, he's one of the most, Bobby's one of the most entertaining man that I'd ever

00:11:55.940 known.

00:11:56.300 So I could easily see why a woman would like him.

00:12:01.560 I like him.

00:12:02.320 I'm not even a woman.

00:12:03.840 So I could easily see if I was a woman, why wouldn't, why wouldn't I still like him?

00:12:09.380 I would still like him.

00:12:10.160 I think I would not, I don't think I'd have sex with Bobby. 0.99

00:12:13.920 I would feel uncomfortable having sex with Bobby. 0.99

00:12:16.380 He reminds me of like, kind of like a, um, but that's me. 0.99

00:12:20.320 I'm also a man and he's neither one of us is a gay man.

00:12:23.680 And so I think what I'm trying to say is that I didn't think anything bad of you at

00:12:28.120 all.

00:12:28.300 I thought, oh wow, Bobby met this girl probably online, you know, because he doesn't go out

00:12:34.320 and do anything.

00:12:35.120 So that's the only reason I thought that I thought either that he must've met her online

00:12:39.740 or he got like a, I don't want to say like a Postmates or somebody got a Postmates and

00:12:43.880 you showed up, you know, he got hella lucky off a burrito.

00:12:46.940 Like that's what I was thinking.

00:12:49.220 And so that's all I thought.

00:12:53.320 But, and I, and then I just thought, oh, this is awesome.

00:12:55.440 You know, I'm glad that Bobby has somebody that's really cool.

00:12:59.100 And then it's also, I mean, you're just nice to look at.

00:13:02.000 You remind me of like the, if they met a female, female jungle book, who would be in it? 1.00

00:13:05.620 You know, Mowgli. 0.59

00:13:06.520 Yeah.

00:13:06.720 If they had a female Mowgli, you know, not too far off from that. 1.00

00:13:09.660 If they had, um, yeah, I don't know what the name would be.

00:13:13.060 I don't know what female Mowgli, I don't know what Mowgli means. 1.00

00:13:15.520 What does Mowgli mean?

00:13:16.200 Can you look that up next?

00:13:17.160 Isn't he South Asian? 0.69

00:13:18.260 So, yeah, because there was a tiger involved, Bagheera, right?

00:13:21.500 Yeah.

00:13:21.860 Oh, no, Shere Khan.

00:13:23.420 So it had to have been Indian.

00:13:25.580 Shere Khan.

00:13:26.220 Bagheera was the panther and then Baloo was the bear. 0.51

00:13:29.440 Yeah.

00:13:30.640 Mowgli means wild child.

00:13:32.220 Wild child.

00:13:32.660 Wild child.

00:13:33.320 So I think I thought of you as like a female Mowgli type. 1.00

00:13:36.420 And then I didn't know anything else.

00:13:39.080 You know, Bobby, I don't see Bobby super much.

00:13:41.200 So he's kind of secretive, you know?

00:13:43.240 He's like a spy that's not doing a good job, but is still being a spy.

00:13:47.460 He's hard to get to know.

00:13:48.640 Yeah.

00:13:48.900 He really is.

00:13:49.540 Oh, yeah, he's hard to get to know, you know?

00:13:50.820 And I know that, you know, I think I suffer from some of the same things he does.

00:13:54.960 So I think I'm also hard to get to know.

00:13:56.460 And so I recognize that about him.

00:13:58.340 And he's also, it's kind of like the blessing and a curse of having so much, like, there's so much going on with Bobby.

00:14:09.560 There's like.

00:14:10.080 It's adult ADHD.

00:14:11.520 It's an, it's also like a living form of it.

00:14:14.260 Like never has adult ADHD.

00:14:16.180 Usually it's non-transferable.

00:14:17.620 But with Bobby, it's like, oh my God.

00:14:19.460 You might catch it. 1.00

00:14:20.020 This shit has legs, you know? 1.00

00:14:22.660 This shit is going door to door right now. 1.00

00:14:25.520 But when you see him, he's so, he's so like, he's like this archipelago of, of like bullshit and like Claire's Boutique. 1.00

00:14:36.380 And creativity and like drawings and nudity and, you know, you know, everything. 0.92

00:14:45.360 He's just this thing of everything.

00:14:47.120 So it's, it's very easy to be enamored by him.

00:14:52.940 But also you're so, he's so engaging in such a character that it's almost, you want to see so much.

00:15:02.220 You want so much of whatever it is that I could imagine if I were him that it's hard to be a regular person behind it.

00:15:08.880 I think so.

00:15:09.620 Or within it.

00:15:10.740 Especially why would you be a regular person when whatever else you are, which is also you, is so titillating.

00:15:20.220 And has been rewarded.

00:15:21.500 That's, that's the thing.

00:15:22.720 We get into that a lot because it's like, you know, with me, like the rule is like, you got to take your mask off at the door.

00:15:29.740 Because I don't really care for like the bells and whistles.

00:15:32.400 I don't care for him to make me laugh.

00:15:34.220 Like that's, like I already know all these things.

00:15:36.660 I know who he is to the public.

00:15:39.360 Like, and I think that's where I feel very blessed to know a part of him that no one will ever see.

00:15:46.360 Oh yeah.

00:15:46.720 Because he is just a sweetheart and the kindest man, most generous person like I've ever met, I think.

00:15:53.820 Yeah.

00:15:54.620 Yeah.

00:15:55.020 He's always surprisingly kind.

00:15:56.580 He's so, he, he, he, I find him to be surprisingly kind at times.

00:16:00.140 Yeah.

00:16:00.300 But he has a hard time.

00:16:01.800 When you need him, he's there.

00:16:03.340 He has a hard time not putting on.

00:16:07.000 He feels like he has to be something every time he walks out the door.

00:16:12.100 He has to put on a performance.

00:16:13.720 And I'm like, well, no, you don't have to.

00:16:15.220 Not around like your friends.

00:16:16.240 But all his friends are you guys.

00:16:17.700 Like people that, you know, you have to be.

00:16:20.820 Yeah.

00:16:21.100 And then you also create this world of podcasting where you're always doing so, you know.

00:16:24.320 So then that kind of like doesn't perpetuate it.

00:16:26.920 It's still.

00:16:28.600 Do you get confused?

00:16:30.280 Do I get confused about what?

00:16:32.020 About like, you know, because we podcast so much and so many hours of ourselves are out there.

00:16:36.560 Do you ever get confused about like who you are outside of this?

00:16:40.900 Like in terms of like being who you like authentically are?

00:16:44.760 Oh, sometimes.

00:16:45.760 Yeah.

00:16:46.780 Sometimes I think so.

00:16:47.380 We had a question that came in.

00:16:48.280 And I want to get back to your question, Kalilah.

00:16:50.120 And we had a question that came in from a guy right here.

00:16:52.200 This white right here. 0.63

00:16:53.620 Hey, Kalilah. 1.00

00:16:54.400 My name's Ryan.

00:16:55.560 My question for Kalilah is, does Bobby joke around with you a lot at home?

00:17:00.280 And if he does, is it easy to tell when he's joking?

00:17:02.920 Oh, yeah.

00:17:03.320 Let me know.

00:17:03.960 Gang, gang.

00:17:04.900 Blood stuff.

00:17:06.180 Gang, gang.

00:17:06.760 Is it hard to tell when he's choking?

00:17:08.100 Did he say?

00:17:08.620 He said joking.

00:17:09.420 He's always choking, by the way.

00:17:10.940 I can easily say.

00:17:11.720 Always.

00:17:12.080 The plumbing on the guy.

00:17:13.980 Is backed up.

00:17:15.460 It's backed up.

00:17:16.360 It's backed down.

00:17:17.140 It's unbelievably poor.

00:17:18.580 It's like, go get him bored out.

00:17:20.460 There's two things that happen every day in the house.

00:17:22.380 Multiple times a day.

00:17:23.540 He trips on the stairs.

00:17:24.740 Yeah.

00:17:25.160 And there's a big ow. 0.99

00:17:26.240 I stubbed my toe every fucking day. 0.99

00:17:28.260 And there's always a distant sound of choking. 0.99

00:17:32.320 Oh, yeah.

00:17:32.840 And there's always me saying, are you okay?

00:17:35.180 And then him getting mad.

00:17:36.440 Like, this is just how I eat.

00:17:38.440 I'm like, not everyone chokes every time they eat.

00:17:41.880 Yeah, it's a real art, you know?

00:17:43.620 I mean, the guy.

00:17:44.860 That's the thing.

00:17:45.380 And that's why I go back to.

00:17:46.900 He's on the cusp of.

00:17:49.440 I don't want to.

00:17:49.860 He's just a risky.

00:17:52.500 He's a.

00:17:53.440 He is.

00:17:54.060 He is.

00:17:55.640 He's a shooting star, you know?

00:17:57.520 He is a star.

00:17:58.920 And sometimes stars shoot.

00:18:00.300 Too far?

00:18:01.320 And they burn out.

00:18:02.140 Explode.

00:18:02.720 It's just risky.

00:18:03.820 You know what I'm saying?

00:18:04.740 Risky behavior.

00:18:05.380 He's choking.

00:18:06.040 Already in this conversation, he's choking.

00:18:07.920 He has dysentery.

00:18:09.580 He's probably dehydrated right now somewhere.

00:18:11.940 And trying to solve it with some type of a Mountain Dew.

00:18:14.320 Right.

00:18:14.860 So to answer this guy's question.

00:18:16.280 Yeah.

00:18:16.460 I.

00:18:18.380 He.

00:18:18.820 He.

00:18:19.860 He is not always joking at home.

00:18:21.440 He cries a lot.

00:18:22.640 Yeah.

00:18:23.560 He's a big crier.

00:18:24.680 He cries every day.

00:18:25.700 And it's always about an American Idol contestant.

00:18:29.760 Oh, yeah.

00:18:31.380 Something.

00:18:32.120 Or like he watches a lot of like families reuniting.

00:18:36.360 Oh, yeah.

00:18:36.720 I watch a lot of that.

00:18:37.760 Like I watch a lot of those Air Force dad comes home a lot of videos when I need to pick

00:18:41.560 me up in the morning.

00:18:42.540 Oh, there's one I want to send you.

00:18:43.820 It's a good one.

00:18:44.420 It's about two Cambodian sisters.

00:18:47.260 Like they were separated during like the war during like the Khmer Rouge.

00:18:52.560 And that one's a good one.

00:18:53.420 I cried.

00:18:53.760 We both cried for three days.

00:18:54.700 But there's not a lot of joking, a lot of crying at home.

00:18:57.240 Oh, that one.

00:18:57.860 The second one.

00:18:58.620 Families reunited.

00:19:03.040 It's that one.

00:19:04.240 Wow.

00:19:05.640 It's one of the biggest TV shows in Cambodia.

00:19:08.420 Oh, please watch that, Theo.

00:19:09.620 It's so good.

00:19:10.500 It's not a dream.

00:19:11.740 Pulls in massive.

00:19:12.540 Oh, beautiful looking people.

00:19:14.020 It reunites families after decades apart.

00:19:17.080 Oh.

00:19:19.440 They're survivors of the Khmer Rouge regime, which killed millions.

00:19:24.640 This is reality TV with ambition, healing wounds from one of Cambodia's darkest and most painful 1.00

00:19:31.680 legacies.

00:19:32.360 That's powerful.

00:19:34.360 Is Bobby in this?

00:19:39.120 Could be.

00:19:41.260 Four decades ago, Cambodia suffered.

00:19:44.020 One of the worst atrocities of the 20th century.

00:19:46.940 Are we going to watch that whole thing?

00:19:48.740 No.

00:19:49.940 I'm going to.

00:19:50.760 Nick, I'm going to send you a video of Bobby reacting to this video.

00:19:54.520 That you can.

00:20:05.000 Please.

00:20:07.560 Thank you.

00:20:08.020 Thank you for that.

00:20:10.860 Yeah.

00:20:11.280 What was that guy's question?

00:20:12.320 Oh, what's Bobby like at home?

00:20:13.520 I'm joking.

00:20:14.660 So what kind of role do you play at home then?

00:20:17.080 Do you feel like?

00:20:18.340 I think I have to be, reluctantly and very begrudgingly, I have to be the responsible

00:20:24.000 adult.

00:20:24.940 Because I don't want to be a responsible adult all the time.

00:20:28.400 Like I want someone to, I want to be reckless and I want someone to be like, hey, don't do

00:20:32.340 that.

00:20:32.800 Yeah.

00:20:32.920 But someone's got to be it.

00:20:33.920 Yeah.

00:20:34.160 But someone's got to be it.

00:20:34.300 So I got to put fight.

00:20:35.900 We've had so many close calls in terms of like fires because he just flicks that cigarette

00:20:40.940 on, you know, fire season.

00:20:42.900 And I've had to put out fires at home.

00:20:45.060 And that's why I think when you see you with Bobby or whether it's a big tongue and whoever

00:20:49.240 it is, it's not whoever that man is.

00:20:52.040 It's just like, oh, how is she going to survive when this guy gives into the avalanche, the food

00:21:00.120 poisoning, not to be racist, but the typhoon or the, you know, bad moon rising or whatever

00:21:05.720 it is, or the tiger in the woods.

00:21:07.840 You know, how does it end for this guy, this risky guy? 0.64

00:21:11.500 I bet you he's a cockroach.

00:21:12.720 I bet you he lives 20 days without a head on. 0.93

00:21:14.980 Yeah.

00:21:15.660 That's who he is.

00:21:16.900 I'm surprised he's not in a baby Bjorn when you guys walk into a place that you don't 0.99

00:21:20.020 have him in one of those things, you know?

00:21:21.700 Oh, if I could, I would.

00:21:23.160 Yeah.

00:21:24.140 I absolutely would.

00:21:26.180 But, um, yeah.

00:21:28.200 So anyway, yeah, I don't know how, I don't know if rumors came up that we, there was some

00:21:32.940 sort of connection, but I'm glad that.

00:21:35.180 Maybe people read it.

00:21:36.140 Maybe people read something we're not seeing.

00:21:38.240 And, um, I don't know.

00:21:39.820 I, I get a lot of those messages.

00:21:41.400 Do you?

00:21:41.980 In fact, um, when you tagged me yesterday on your story, those are the type of messages

00:21:45.840 that I got.

00:21:47.400 Unbelievable.

00:21:49.080 Well, what do people know?

00:21:50.880 You know, what do, I mean, thousands of people have known, I mean, they're just guessing

00:21:54.780 at people guessing.

00:21:56.680 And, uh, here's this guy from Napoleon Dynamite.

00:21:59.640 Good afternoon to you, Theo Vaughn and, uh, Kalilah K.

00:22:06.280 I wanted to ask you, Kalilah, if, uh, how do you feel and cope with all the trash talking

00:22:11.040 on the internet, dude?

00:22:12.300 Um, cause I'd be peeking into the forum sometimes and a lot of these things are, are, are mean,

00:22:16.120 but there are nice ones too.

00:22:17.360 You know, don't get it twisted.

00:22:18.480 I'm vocal.

00:22:19.240 A lot of mean things.

00:22:20.940 How do you cope with that?

00:22:22.180 Thank you.

00:22:22.920 Hope you guys having a nice one.

00:22:24.060 I think they call his mustache.

00:22:25.840 I think they call that cantinflas.

00:22:27.280 Oh, really?

00:22:28.000 I think so.

00:22:28.700 That is a good one.

00:22:30.200 And that's very traditional, huh?

00:22:32.400 That is pretty traditional.

00:22:34.140 I love it.

00:22:34.420 He could play the Sanchin.

00:22:35.280 You know the Sanchin?

00:22:35.900 He's my type.

00:22:36.860 He is?

00:22:37.660 Hell yeah.

00:22:38.460 Yeah.

00:22:38.620 That guy's my type.

00:22:39.580 A hundred percent.

00:22:39.920 Oh, I could look like that.

00:22:42.360 I could easily do facial reconstruction.

00:22:44.280 Don't they do it in the Philippines?

00:22:45.340 Don't they do that?

00:22:46.460 Um, they do.

00:22:47.760 Dr. Vicky Bello is a good one, I think.

00:22:50.040 Yeah.

00:22:50.180 But they do the most in Korea.

00:22:51.200 Korea is the number one in the world in terms of like, like shaving down jaw lines and stuff

00:22:55.540 like that.

00:22:56.260 I could do something like that. 0.98

00:22:58.220 Trash talking. 0.98

00:22:59.380 Sanchin. 1.00

00:22:59.840 That's the Sanchin right there.

00:23:01.620 What's a Sanchin?

00:23:02.780 It's a traditional Japanese instrument.

00:23:05.300 Oh my God.

00:23:07.200 He could easily play the Sanchin.

00:23:09.000 Wait, you talk, the word I just said, cantinflas?

00:23:11.980 He said it.

00:23:12.880 I don't know.

00:23:13.600 Yeah.

00:23:13.900 When you said cantinflas, I said he looks like a Sanchin player.

00:23:16.380 Oh.

00:23:18.980 So.

00:23:21.200 I don't know how to answer this question besides saying like, what can I do?

00:23:25.200 Do you stay out of it?

00:23:26.100 Do you engage with it?

00:23:27.140 No.

00:23:27.220 Some people engage.

00:23:28.400 In the beginning I did because it's like, you can't help but like wonder what people are

00:23:32.160 saying about you.

00:23:33.140 But it's like, there's, I have no control of it.

00:23:36.200 Yeah.

00:23:36.320 I only have control of like my friends and family.

00:23:39.380 So unfortunately they are bad.

00:23:42.080 And if I were to jump into that, it would crush my soul.

00:23:46.040 Oh yeah.

00:23:46.540 I can't live there.

00:23:47.640 Oh, it's disheartening in there.

00:23:49.380 You know, it gets real disheartening down in the internet.

00:23:51.200 So when you think about like, if something ever happened to Bobby, I don't even know

00:23:55.440 what it could be.

00:23:55.840 Are you going back?

00:23:56.400 Huh?

00:23:56.720 We're not going back.

00:23:57.320 I just want to finish the conversation.

00:23:58.600 You know what I'm saying?

00:23:59.460 And I, cause I forgot to talk about volcanoes.

00:24:01.980 That's why.

00:24:02.420 Well, let's talk about typhoons.

00:24:04.260 Well, any of those things could happen to him.

00:24:05.700 Because Philippines is part of the Pacific Rim of Fire. 0.89

00:24:08.820 Louisiana is not.

00:24:10.420 I know.

00:24:11.060 That's what I'm saying.

00:24:11.580 So you guys, just the life expectancy.

00:24:15.400 I think that's the big thing when you see Bobby.

00:24:17.820 You say, oh, how long?

00:24:19.080 Well, he looks like he's still 20 years old.

00:24:21.280 So you have to take that into consideration.

00:24:23.520 Something he's doing, because there are other Asians who are 50 that don't look as young 0.99

00:24:28.820 as him.

00:24:29.220 That's true.

00:24:29.600 So I don't know if the recklessness and the lack of care maybe equates to lack of stress.

00:24:36.140 I bet it does probably.

00:24:37.920 He seems stress-free, kind of.

00:24:40.800 He's neurotic, but he's stress-free.

00:24:42.780 I don't know if that's possible, but it somehow is.

00:24:46.500 Right.

00:24:47.460 Now, yeah, I'm just thinking like if some, but say something, or say, yeah, say Bobby went

00:24:53.380 missing, you can even say.

00:24:54.820 Because he also looks kidnappable.

00:24:57.020 A child predator? 0.87

00:24:59.240 No one wants those kidneys. 1.00

00:25:00.720 He's like, he's a smoker.

00:25:02.180 But they don't want him for the kidneys. 0.98

00:25:03.220 They want him for the sex. 0.99

00:25:04.480 Oh, okay. 0.96

00:25:05.080 So he's being thrown into the sex dream.

00:25:06.920 Yeah, he's getting in. 0.54

00:25:07.800 He gets picked up as a kid.

00:25:08.940 You know what I'm saying?

00:25:09.360 He's in a candy store.

00:25:10.360 There's other kids in there.

00:25:11.180 Some guy's outside of the van.

00:25:12.180 It takes three.

00:25:13.080 Bobby's in the group.

00:25:13.760 You know what?

00:25:15.160 He would thrive in that situation.

00:25:17.500 He's done a lot of meth in his life.

00:25:19.120 Yeah.

00:25:19.600 So he, and that's, I feel like he would be so strategic. 0.53

00:25:22.560 I feel like he would eventually be the Heidi Fleiss of that sex dream. 0.78

00:25:25.900 Yeah. 0.93

00:25:26.140 He would rise up the ranks of being once, you know, anally fisted to like the head of 1.00

00:25:31.180 the.

00:25:31.540 Yeah, champion.

00:25:32.420 Yeah, a champion.

00:25:33.140 Yeah, I could see that.

00:25:33.980 I could see him.

00:25:35.220 It's almost like a Brokeback meets Fight Club kind of thing, you know? 1.00

00:25:39.700 Meets like saving, like, not saving Private Ryan, but like meets Adam.

00:25:45.700 Yeah, that movie, Adam, when that guy's son went missing at the mall.

00:25:48.800 Adam Walsh.

00:25:50.820 Adam 22, I think it was called.

00:25:52.900 But, um, so then what type, if there's somebody in the podcasting world.

00:25:58.080 That I would.

00:25:58.940 That you feel like you would have to at least.

00:26:01.020 Not shack up.

00:26:01.880 Jesus Christ.

00:26:02.520 That's the respect for yourself.

00:26:03.520 Saving Silverman.

00:26:04.100 Right.

00:26:04.940 Saving Silverman.

00:26:06.940 Who would that man, like, who is the man?

00:26:09.640 Is it a Brendan Shaw type of guy?

00:26:11.560 Would you then, you think you have to gravitate towards like this like burlesque kind of like

00:26:19.220 ambient sound of a man?

00:26:22.140 Gun to my head because I would not date a single comic for the rest of my life. 1.00

00:26:26.520 Oh, damn. 1.00

00:26:27.140 And that's a fact. 1.00

00:26:28.820 Look, I could get a new job.

00:26:31.280 I could easily open up a bouquet shop.

00:26:35.740 Okay.

00:26:36.860 I could sell bouquet, man.

00:26:39.640 Easily.

00:26:41.360 You know, I'm just trying to get you to say that if something ever happened, I could buy you a malt.

00:26:51.040 I, look, I would, I would put you on a trial period.

00:26:55.340 Okay.

00:26:55.800 Okay.

00:26:56.520 And it's just for friendship.

00:26:58.180 It's for friendship.

00:26:58.760 So that we would cohabitate in the same house, different beds, different rooms, do all that.

00:27:02.880 And then I'd see how you'd function.

00:27:04.920 Yeah.

00:27:05.320 Right.

00:27:05.700 And then eventually I would see, you would really have to prove yourself.

00:27:10.200 I would not be able to, but that's okay.

00:27:12.760 That's all I want is the chance to not be able to prove myself.

00:27:15.520 That's all.

00:27:15.920 But you know what? 0.99

00:27:16.240 You might, if you were willing to, because Bobby doesn't eat ass at all. 0.96

00:27:21.840 And I love certain, certain things that he doesn't, he's not into. 0.92

00:27:25.800 So if you were inclined to do stuff, he wouldn't or fill some holes.

00:27:31.560 Okay.

00:27:32.700 You might, I might consider cohabitation.

00:27:36.740 Oh, wow.

00:27:37.260 Okay.

00:27:38.100 So I guess I better practice the brown cow work at the farm. 0.93

00:27:45.260 I don't, I'm not like a chronic, I don't love it all the time, but like, you know, three

00:27:50.580 times a year.

00:27:51.300 Oh yeah.

00:27:51.840 Oh yeah.

00:27:52.500 You mean holidays.

00:27:53.600 Oh, that's different.

00:27:54.060 Holidays.

00:27:54.500 Yeah.

00:27:54.700 Yeah.

00:27:55.260 Yeah.

00:27:55.580 Some stuff I think are on the holidays.

00:27:57.100 They're real, real nice, man.

00:27:58.420 Especially if people are, everybody's showered up and everybody's in a good, good mood.

00:28:02.440 You know, I could see that you put on some easy listening.

00:28:06.000 Yeah.

00:28:06.140 What type of music do you listen to? 0.95

00:28:07.360 If you think you have somebody kind of chewing on your butt, do you have some Kenny Rogers or 0.99

00:28:13.340 something? 0.96

00:28:13.940 No, I don't think I'd want anything aggressive.

00:28:16.560 So it would have to be like Vashti Bunyan.

00:28:20.480 Put on some Shansan music, man.

00:28:22.100 Sin-Shan. 0.77

00:28:23.340 Throw on a little batch of Shinsan if you can. 1.00

00:28:25.060 Let's imagine this.

00:28:27.300 Let's see if this feels like it would be okay for you.

00:28:34.220 Is this a new thing you're into, Theo?

00:28:36.120 The Shinsan? 0.90

00:28:37.200 No, I, uh, I just know about it.

00:28:39.580 I don't know a lot of instruments, but I know.

00:28:41.100 Just close your eyes and imagine that a little.

00:28:48.780 Now, are you thinking that you are, like, on all fours?

00:28:52.200 Are you laying on your back, or how does this kind of go? 1.00

00:28:54.640 I'm not into exposing my asshole on all fours in that way. 0.99

00:28:58.540 It's a little bit too, um, so I'm on my back. 0.99

00:29:02.620 Okay.

00:29:03.220 Possibly on my side, even.

00:29:04.500 I like being tipped over.

00:29:06.140 Oh, wow.

00:29:06.680 I feel like this is what most of my yoga classes sound like, so.

00:29:12.540 But you gotta let, you gotta rely, you gotta get away from that.

00:29:17.960 This sounds like Vashti Bunyan.

00:29:19.860 There you go.

00:29:22.040 Yeah, I think, I think I can do it.

00:29:23.640 Okay, there you go.

00:29:24.060 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:29:24.880 That's cool.

00:29:25.300 Thank you, Nick.

00:29:25.700 Um, yeah, I mean, I think a lot of that just kind of remains to be seen, you know, I'm

00:29:31.140 open to a lot, I'm open to some different sexual proclivities for sure, but, um, it just

00:29:36.980 has to be, you know, the time, it just has to be kind of the timing has to be right, you

00:29:40.340 know?

00:29:40.620 I've never, ever pictured you in a sexual way, like, because when I meet anyone.

00:29:44.640 Oh, thank you, that's good.

00:29:46.820 When I look at everyone.

00:29:47.420 No, what do you picture me doing?

00:29:48.140 What do you picture me doing?

00:29:49.160 I picture you fishing a lot.

00:29:52.680 Somebody told me the other day that they, I always, I remind them of Lieutenant Dan, but

00:29:58.160 if he still had legs, that's what somebody said.

00:30:00.800 Wait, Lieutenant Dan was hot.

00:30:02.920 Even on a wheelchair, I would have.

00:30:05.200 The prosecution rests, sir.

00:30:09.060 So I picture you fishing a lot.

00:30:10.740 Okay.

00:30:11.560 I like to fish.

00:30:12.960 I think because I saw, like, one Instagram picture of you with, like, a tiny little fish.

00:30:17.220 Uh, that was a decent sized bass, that was a 3.25 ounce bass, pound bass, and yes, I

00:30:23.040 was late caught.

00:30:24.000 Proud of you.

00:30:24.940 I also picture you in, maybe on the toilet, um, and I picture you, um, to pee or to do

00:30:35.760 number two, you think?

00:30:36.580 I think number two.

00:30:37.720 Oh, wow.

00:30:38.980 Yeah, but I, I, when I look at.

00:30:40.160 I do it, but not a lot.

00:30:41.580 I poop probably twice a week.

00:30:43.100 Are you serious?

00:30:44.340 Yeah.

00:30:44.620 You take magnesium?

00:30:45.800 Huh?

00:30:46.020 Yeah, I do, for my brain.

00:30:48.480 Do you take, do you drink enough water?

00:30:51.580 Oh, yeah.

00:30:52.120 I have water all day.

00:30:53.360 You eat your greens?

00:30:54.060 I've been drinking water since I was born.

00:30:55.260 You know the human body's how much water, Nick?

00:30:57.140 96%.

00:30:57.540 Yeah, about that. 0.98

00:31:00.180 So, baby, I gotta fucking come swim in me, you feel me? 0.98

00:31:02.420 You know what I'm saying? 0.99

00:31:02.960 I'm full. 1.00

00:31:04.000 Do you shit out a lot of cum? 1.00

00:31:05.540 I'm full. 1.00

00:31:06.280 No, I don't have any, what?

00:31:08.360 Yeah, like when you shoot, are you a big on lower? 0.98

00:31:10.760 Oh, ejaculation, you mean? 0.99

00:31:11.860 Yeah. 0.98

00:31:12.460 How much ejac do I have in me? 0.98

00:31:14.060 I would say a decent amount, you know?

00:31:17.380 I think I'm getting near the bottom, though.

00:31:19.460 Does it become less and less as you age?

00:31:23.020 The best joke I ever heard, some guy said, I don't even know who said it. 0.99

00:31:26.360 He said, when I masturbate these days, it looks like two white guys getting out of a submarine. 0.99

00:31:32.400 Hunt for the Red October. 0.99

00:31:36.080 And I thought that was the best joke ever.

00:31:38.560 Here's one of my favorite jokes. 0.99

00:31:40.320 What's the last thing you want to hear when you're giving a blowjob to Willie Nelson? 0.99

00:31:44.500 What? 0.99

00:31:45.080 I'm not Willie Nelson.

00:31:46.060 I don't know who told me that.

00:31:56.260 For God, that's a good joke, man.

00:32:00.100 You described Bobby's ejac one time as a pickup truck that tipped over and two guys climb out of the passenger window.

00:32:07.400 Oh, there you go.

00:32:10.160 Well, there you go.

00:32:12.500 Yeah, Bobby does. 0.87

00:32:13.300 I mean, but Bobby also has that very Boston cream-filled style that, you know, that, like, I could just see him, like, I could see a truck hitting him and just come, ejaculation going everywhere. 0.62

00:32:24.920 Yeah, I don't like saying come. 0.65

00:32:26.600 You don't like saying come?

00:32:27.740 I don't really like saying it that much.

00:32:29.080 I just don't.

00:32:29.600 We can say other stuff.

00:32:31.460 Sploosh. 0.97

00:32:31.820 You could say ejac, spray out, bust.

00:32:35.760 I like stuff like that. 0.86

00:32:37.280 More onomatopoeias.

00:32:39.200 Onomatopoeias.

00:32:39.820 Can you say archipelago again?

00:32:41.680 Yeah, archipelago.

00:32:45.400 Yeah, the Philippines is an archipelago.

00:32:47.300 Is it really?

00:32:48.060 Yeah.

00:32:48.200 Oh, wow, that's crazy.

00:32:49.100 I didn't even know that.

00:32:50.560 Somehow, I know you grew up in Louisiana.

00:32:53.260 Yeah.

00:32:53.500 There's something about you that feels so familiar to me, like you were, like, a long-lost cousin.

00:33:00.240 Ooh.

00:33:00.680 I think it's because, I don't know.

00:33:05.180 But there is something very familiar about you.

00:33:08.440 Yeah.

00:33:08.540 I think that's why I like you.

00:33:09.720 I feel comfortable.

00:33:11.100 Thank you.

00:33:11.520 Around you.

00:33:12.160 Yeah, and I feel like I've always tried to make you feel comfortable.

00:33:14.700 I feel like I always have tried to be nice to you and your, I love all your group.

00:33:19.280 It's that time.

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00:33:22.000 It's that time to correct your cock. 0.99

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00:33:26.960 Handle yourself.

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00:34:25.820 You know, I had a comedy show last night, and I met a fellow, and he said,

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00:34:36.020 And they said, Well, thanks for talking about therapy if you need therapy.

00:34:39.200 And so it made me think that it's okay.

00:34:41.620 It's okay to talk about it.

00:34:42.840 It's okay if you need it.

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00:35:49.480 slash Theo.

00:35:51.460 You have a new podcast now, Bloodbath, right?

00:35:53.660 I do, yes.

00:35:55.340 With Annie Letterman and Esther Povitsky.

00:35:57.060 Oh, yeah.

00:35:57.720 And they are wild women. 1.00

00:35:58.740 And here's a young fellow right here.

00:35:59.920 This guy could be Indian.

00:36:00.880 Hey, what's up, Theo?

00:36:03.860 What's up, player?

00:36:04.340 It's Mike from Deerfield Beach.

00:36:06.720 Question for Auntie Kalilah.

00:36:08.700 Who's up, Auntie?

00:36:09.400 What's your favorite part about doing the Bloodbath podcast

00:36:12.620 with the girls versus Tiger Belly?

00:36:16.020 Like, what are some of the different things that you enjoy with that?

00:36:19.040 Also, I think that you should rescue some cats as well as dogs.

00:36:23.100 I know you've been getting a lot of dogs.

00:36:24.820 Cats need love, too.

00:36:26.440 Bring home Bobby some cats.

00:36:27.760 Cats can keep the cats on one floor and the dogs on another.

00:36:31.820 Ooh, I like that.

00:36:33.620 I like that guy.

00:36:35.100 It's almost like the sheiks or something in Istanbul or Saudi Arabia. 0.99

00:36:40.580 Their wives, the different wives get different floors of the home. 1.00

00:36:45.060 First wife goes where? 1.00

00:36:46.760 The first wife, I think, probably upstairs.

00:36:49.800 First wife is probably exhausted, wants nothing to do, 1.00

00:36:53.300 but wants the wealth and the perks of being the first wife. 1.00

00:36:56.540 Right, so I think they probably get the hierarchy. 0.96

00:36:58.560 So she has no blowjob duties, none of the other stuff. 0.94

00:37:02.720 She's tired. 0.98

00:37:03.340 She barely sees the guy.

00:37:04.440 Yeah, young girls game. 0.85

00:37:06.120 Yeah.

00:37:07.260 The difference between doing a podcast with Bobby is that, like, I feel,

00:37:11.460 I don't know, like, I feel angrier when I'm in Tiger Belly.

00:37:17.220 Because we just have, Bobby and I have that sort of, like,

00:37:20.780 antagonistic sort of, like, rapport, I guess, if you can call it that.

00:37:24.980 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:37:25.760 With Bloodbath, it's like, they're girls. 0.75

00:37:28.200 Right.

00:37:28.580 I feel a little bit like I can play around.

00:37:31.900 I don't know.

00:37:32.380 I don't know how to explain it.

00:37:33.460 But I'm definitely two versions of myself.

00:37:36.320 I have absolutely two versions of myself on those podcasts.

00:37:39.620 Yeah.

00:37:40.240 Yeah, I can relate to that.

00:37:41.280 But I think it's the same for me with this and King of the Sting.

00:37:43.900 It doesn't feel like me.

00:37:45.160 It feels like me, but it's just, like, a crazy version.

00:37:47.840 It's like I'm at a nightclub or something.

00:37:49.800 Right.

00:37:50.260 You know? 0.99

00:37:50.720 It's like I'm at a shitty nightclub in Jacksonville. 0.98

00:37:53.340 You know? 0.99

00:37:54.640 Jacksonville.

00:37:55.260 Why does everyone have, no, it's actually Tampa.

00:37:58.120 Bobby always has stories about nightclubs in Tampa and Florida.

00:38:01.780 Oh, there's all, because they'll put a nightclub anywhere there.

00:38:04.200 You know, you'll have, like, an Olive Garden,

00:38:06.020 and then you'll have a nightclub right next to it.

00:38:07.280 The zoning in that state is unbelievable.

00:38:10.500 You'll have a mortuary next to a strip club next to they're selling bass boats. 0.55

00:38:15.460 You know?

00:38:15.700 It's like, I mean, you just can't even decide if you want to die

00:38:18.760 or freaking, you know, get up early for some redfish.

00:38:21.320 It's just like the choices.

00:38:24.160 They just, there's no differentiating between anything.

00:38:27.680 They'll have a kindergarten right next to a graveyard.

00:38:31.360 You know, they just don't, there's no big plan, I think, in Florida.

00:38:35.580 And I think that's what Florida was supposed to be.

00:38:37.620 It was like, it's just kind of like this catch-all of the United States, you know?

00:38:43.220 But.

00:38:44.940 I wonder what it would be like if you were my second.

00:38:48.660 If I was your second husband?

00:38:49.620 Yeah, you planted this seed in my head.

00:38:52.080 And you know, I have lived with two men before.

00:38:54.420 No, I didn't even know that.

00:38:55.620 Yeah, before I met Bobby, my last relationship was with two people.

00:38:58.440 We lived together.

00:38:59.220 With two white men? 0.55

00:39:00.160 No.

00:39:00.500 So, one was Filipino Salvadorian.

00:39:03.340 Oh, wow. 0.83

00:39:03.980 And the other was, he was a black guy.

00:39:06.120 And Phil Sals, huh? 1.00

00:39:07.280 Damn. 1.00

00:39:08.160 And a brother. 1.00

00:39:09.060 Yeah.

00:39:09.980 Wow.

00:39:12.120 What?

00:39:12.700 Why did, what, and what were you doing there?

00:39:15.840 You were just living with them?

00:39:16.680 Were you paying rent?

00:39:18.300 Yes, I was paying rent.

00:39:19.520 Okay.

00:39:20.720 But wife number one, no wife number one, boyfriend number one, had slept in the same

00:39:26.280 room as me, the number two, because he came in a little later into the relationship, was

00:39:31.500 in a different room.

00:39:32.940 Who was that, the brother?

00:39:34.360 Brother of my.

00:39:35.480 The black guy? 0.88

00:39:36.360 The gentleman, black gentleman?

00:39:37.220 No, no, he was my five-year relationship.

00:39:39.200 Oh, he was the number one.

00:39:40.600 He was my number one.

00:39:41.080 And you guys brought in that Salvadorian to pinch hit every day. 1.00

00:39:44.680 Yeah, huh?

00:39:45.660 That Rafael Palmeiro.

00:39:47.760 You know what I'm saying?

00:39:48.620 I like it.

00:39:49.720 Look, that's wild.

00:39:50.760 I mean, I wonder if we're getting more into stuff like that.

00:39:53.640 You know, I think one thing is disappearing a little bit in the world, or at least they're

00:39:57.940 leading us to believe it is disappearing, is like ownership of things.

00:40:03.680 You know, while I agree with that, I do think that, because I have friends who are in open

00:40:09.240 relationships, throuples, all of these things.

00:40:12.020 For me personally, it's emotionally exhausting.

00:40:14.680 I could never be in that position again, because I thought, you know, my young self, I was

00:40:19.240 young, I was in my 20s.

00:40:20.360 I was like, this is so exciting. 0.88

00:40:22.000 You know, I get to have sex with two men at one time. 0.79

00:40:25.220 But then there's life after that. 0.78

00:40:27.660 And then now you have to deal with feelings.

00:40:30.720 There's, you know, you have to cook an extra batch of food.

00:40:34.180 Oh, yeah.

00:40:34.520 Like, there are things, logistically, it's exhausting.

00:40:37.960 Oh, yeah.

00:40:38.540 So the sex, the 10-minute sex is just but a blip in that entire picture.

00:40:43.640 Well, yeah. 0.99

00:40:44.140 I mean, you almost need a damn merchant marine, it sounds like, to help keep things, you know, 0.98

00:40:47.180 like to supplement, you know, the food, everything, the logistics. 0.98

00:40:50.200 It's definitely a lot.

00:40:51.380 Yeah.

00:40:51.660 Um, yeah, I can't imagine.

00:40:54.420 I don't think, I wonder if I could have, I can't keep one girlfriend.

00:40:57.700 I don't know if I could keep two wives, you know. 0.56

00:41:00.800 But I would have to just get really, really honest with them and say, look, this is what's

00:41:04.920 going on, you know.

00:41:06.740 And that's where I kind of struggle with women is just that communication up front. 1.00

00:41:10.320 The up front communication, they call it.

00:41:12.220 What do you mean?

00:41:13.040 Like.

00:41:13.700 Just telling them how things are probably going to be up front somewhat.

00:41:16.960 Well, why don't, why do you have to tell someone up front, why can't they just, why

00:41:21.500 can't you figure it out as you go?

00:41:23.560 Because what you're saying today may not apply three months down the line.

00:41:27.420 Certainly not how you feel.

00:41:29.180 Right.

00:41:29.620 Yeah.

00:41:29.760 Not how you feel, but just like some of your, your behaviors, that sort of stuff, you know,

00:41:33.960 like.

00:41:34.200 Again, but that changes.

00:41:35.580 Right.

00:41:36.180 So it's like, I don't need a disclaimer right out the gate.

00:41:39.780 I just don't need you to lie.

00:41:41.160 I don't like declarations up front because I think declarations are a red flag.

00:41:45.360 I am this guy.

00:41:46.160 I am this guy.

00:41:46.620 I am this guy.

00:41:46.880 Don't tell me who you are.

00:41:47.940 Just like, let me find out who you are slowly, you know, because that's, that's more like

00:41:53.720 applicable to like, that's ultimately what's going to, you know, um, um, that's how I'm

00:42:01.080 going to decide.

00:42:01.920 Yeah.

00:42:02.960 What if, I just wish I had like a pamphlet to give a woman before we met, you know, 0.87

00:42:06.920 or something.

00:42:07.180 What would that pamphlet say?

00:42:08.960 I would probably say good morning at the top for sure.

00:42:11.700 And then let me think, it would say good morning.

00:42:16.000 And then it would say, uh, thanks for reading this.

00:42:18.900 I am happy that you're here and I'm looking forward to the possibilities.

00:42:25.940 Um, I would like you to know that I don't communicate super well a lot of times, but I'm trying to

00:42:34.060 work on it.

00:42:34.880 So if you see opportunities to help me work on it, please help me.

00:42:39.780 Um, what else?

00:42:42.100 I have, I'm a one stripe white belt.

00:42:44.280 Also, in case anything gets out of hand, I can't, I, I can't definitely help, but I could

00:42:52.780 try to help.

00:42:54.520 Um, what else? 0.61

00:42:56.300 Uh, I'll do my best with sex, not making any big promises.

00:43:02.220 Um, I like to be indoors and outdoors.

00:43:05.480 I like to go out of town and stay in town and I like to eat two meals a day.

00:43:11.140 Um, those don't seem like difficult things that someone would have to deal with, except

00:43:16.420 for the communication part.

00:43:17.840 But what do you have trouble communicating?

00:43:20.160 Like feelings, things, matters of the heart?

00:43:22.860 I think so.

00:43:23.660 I think I do have some stuff like that, you know?

00:43:25.480 So that's why I think I just need like, I, I think I just, yeah, I just need to have,

00:43:31.900 I just need to step up and do better at it, you know?

00:43:34.380 Okay, like, when was the last time you've been vulnerable and said like, you know, I

00:43:40.920 love you, like, when was the last time you've ever like been that way with a woman?

00:43:45.980 Like, have you felt extremely vulnerable around a woman?

00:43:50.060 It's probably been a little while.

00:43:51.340 I've had some vulnerable conversations, but I tend to, I think, then kind of not try to

00:43:56.220 have them again sometimes, you know, even though I think that it's good.

00:43:59.440 You don't feel freed from it?

00:44:00.680 You feel exhausted?

00:44:01.560 Or do you feel like, what do you-

00:44:03.100 From what, being vulnerable?

00:44:04.260 Yeah.

00:44:05.120 Um, no, I feel freed from it.

00:44:07.340 It's just hard to get to that place to do it sometimes.

00:44:09.960 It's hard to really just do it, you know?

00:44:13.360 It's hard to do it.

00:44:14.480 And sometimes there's just so much going on, especially in our lives.

00:44:17.680 You and I can never work out.

00:44:19.240 Just, you answered your own question.

00:44:20.940 But that's insane, I feel like.

00:44:22.320 I mean, that sounds, I think I gave the wrong answer then because I just feel like that's

00:44:27.940 crazy.

00:44:29.700 Okay, Bobby could die any day.

00:44:31.640 Can you see if Bobby's alive right now?

00:44:33.340 Is there some sort of tracker?

00:44:36.560 It's just dominoes?

00:44:37.840 Is it a thing for Bobby?

00:44:40.420 I need, I need someone to pour their heart out.

00:44:43.160 Oh, I'll pour it out on you, dude. 1.00

00:44:44.820 I'll pour it out into a damn dog bowl for you, okay? 1.00

00:44:46.680 I need to know, I need to know, I need to know all your innards, everything about it. 1.00

00:44:51.880 See, I think I get scared to say it.

00:44:53.820 I think I, I think I just didn't know you can do that, I think.

00:44:57.540 I've never been in like a relationship where I knew you could do that.

00:44:59.820 Well, I think it's harder now with a lot of people you meet because it's like, I don't

00:45:04.020 know, man.

00:45:04.560 And like, people are really reckless with other people's emotions when it comes to dating

00:45:08.180 and situationships.

00:45:09.340 Like, it's so gray.

00:45:10.820 I don't know if I were to ever jump back into dating someone, should Bobby croak?

00:45:16.140 Yeah.

00:45:16.560 I'd be hopeless.

00:45:17.100 Let's not say croak.

00:45:17.120 Let's not say perish.

00:45:17.940 I feel like you, heroes perish.

00:45:20.180 And Bobby's a hero and I do want to respect him for all that he's done and everything

00:45:24.500 that he's been while he was alive.

00:45:26.360 I'd be, I'd be helpless.

00:45:27.840 I wouldn't know where to start.

00:45:28.900 I wouldn't know because like.

00:45:30.480 That's why you need to know in advance, I think some light outlines of, do you go for

00:45:36.040 a guy like Brennan Sharp?

00:45:37.400 Do you go for a Chris DiStefano, you know? 0.95

00:45:43.220 Wait, Chris DiStefano is a little bit gay, right? 0.98

00:45:46.240 Yep. 0.98

00:45:47.140 I'd go for someone like him.

00:45:48.400 I love, love, love like sexually like fluid people. 0.71

00:45:52.860 Okay. 0.97

00:45:53.360 Okay.

00:45:53.960 Well.

00:45:54.100 So the idea of him possibly salivating over another man turns me on.

00:45:58.480 Okay.

00:45:58.980 Okay.

00:46:00.740 So he's probably out then.

00:46:02.680 So who else, dude?

00:46:04.000 I'm trying to think.

00:46:05.680 Wait, who I'm sexually attracted to just right out the gate is Jamar Neighbors.

00:46:11.320 Yeah.

00:46:12.540 A hundred percent.

00:46:13.260 Bottom line.

00:46:14.000 There's just, he's just my type.

00:46:15.040 There's something similar to the Bobby, the vein of being Bobby.

00:46:20.460 There's something in him.

00:46:21.360 Oh, that androgynous kind of like, cause Jamar was kind of like, he kind of wears whatever

00:46:28.140 he says.

00:46:28.860 He's just like the free, he's a free bird.

00:46:30.700 Yeah.

00:46:30.800 He's like a young Bobby to me.

00:46:32.320 Wow.

00:46:34.140 So there's total opposites.

00:46:35.580 I feel like Bobby has that exact same hat.

00:46:40.640 Oh yeah.

00:46:41.500 That's true.

00:46:42.380 And I have it framed in my home of him wearing it.

00:46:44.700 Oh, that's beautiful.

00:46:46.280 Yeah.

00:46:46.680 It's crazy.

00:46:47.400 I mean, it's just, I think the level of the type, it's just, you have, I mean, I just

00:46:53.120 love the type of men that you love.

00:46:56.300 And I think it's good.

00:46:57.200 Um, I think it's really good.

00:46:59.180 And I think that I just want to know, I just want, I just feel like if you see a woman 0.99

00:47:04.240 with a man, then you think as a man, you think, I think the first thing you think, oh,

00:47:10.580 that guy's not going to be around longer.

00:47:12.360 He is going to be around long.

00:47:13.840 I think that's just a natural thing.

00:47:15.280 That's like nature.

00:47:16.360 Maybe that's what you and I think, because we come from old daddies.

00:47:20.000 Right.

00:47:20.520 Right. 0.99

00:47:21.380 We're, we're both products of really old sperm. 0.99

00:47:23.920 Oh yeah, that's true.

00:47:24.600 So maybe we think, so we think about dad's dying a lot.

00:47:28.240 Yeah.

00:47:28.560 Right.

00:47:29.000 That's true.

00:47:29.500 I didn't think about that.

00:47:31.100 And I think just, just from a genetic standpoint, I just don't think you and I would should have

00:47:36.840 kids together.

00:47:38.060 No. 0.93

00:47:38.820 Two old spermies. 0.99

00:47:41.860 We shouldn't.

00:47:42.800 We could have a kid that's like 60 years old.

00:47:47.100 How great would that be?

00:47:50.460 Like a Benjamin Button.

00:47:51.740 I think so, dude.

00:47:52.580 Yeah.

00:47:53.100 I think you and I can make one.

00:47:54.520 Yeah.

00:47:54.940 Oh, that'd be amazing if we gave birth to the first senior citizen. 0.97

00:48:00.360 And it's Brian Callen.

00:48:04.420 That would be the best, dude.

00:48:05.880 Pre or post eyelids.

00:48:07.200 He would do it just to have a new credit in town. 0.98

00:48:12.400 Oh, I was on season one of Kalilah's Vagina. 1.00

00:48:14.580 And Bobby, I want you to know, I, I, look, we're just having a conversation here. 0.93

00:48:20.900 I, you don't think anything's been inappropriate here.

00:48:23.380 Do you?

00:48:24.180 No.

00:48:24.700 Okay, good.

00:48:25.420 He would laugh at all of this.

00:48:26.700 See, that's where I feel.

00:48:27.560 Sometimes I was like scared about talking about stuff because sometimes I just don't, I think

00:48:30.040 in the world, no one ever told me what's appropriate or what's inappropriate.

00:48:33.500 Yeah.

00:48:33.820 But we've known each other long enough to know, like, it's all, you know, it's all love.

00:48:38.420 It's just, again, I'll say the word you hate the most, it's family.

00:48:42.320 It's all fun and games and planning.

00:48:45.120 No, but sometimes like I do wish that Bobby would be a little bit more jealous.

00:48:50.040 He just has, he has no jealousy for me at all.

00:48:52.840 And I think that's why I'm obsessed with him.

00:48:54.760 Oh, I would be jealous, I think.

00:48:57.440 I would get a tattoo on myself, jealous man for you.

00:49:00.780 If you wanted me to, maybe if you didn't want me to, I wouldn't.

00:49:04.140 And I would let you have the font.

00:49:05.540 I don't do well with jealous people.

00:49:06.800 I get really turned off by it.

00:49:08.200 Yeah. 1.00

00:49:08.420 I would get that shit removed. 0.99

00:49:09.520 But if someone shows like absolute faith and confidence in me, then it's like I just 1.00

00:49:16.060 become a homebody and I, I don't know, there's something really attractive about that.

00:49:20.760 When somebody shows absolute faith and confidence in you?

00:49:23.780 Yeah.

00:49:24.160 Yeah.

00:49:25.300 I could definitely do that.

00:49:26.200 What else we got, Nick?

00:49:27.440 Here's a guy right here.

00:49:28.520 What's up, Theo?

00:49:29.380 This is Nico from Wisconsin.

00:49:31.240 Sure it is Amelia Earhart.

00:49:33.140 I know who this is.

00:49:34.960 They always do this.

00:49:36.380 A lot of missing people holler in here.

00:49:39.020 Good to see you, babe.

00:49:40.640 And I have a question for Kalilah, who I think we all know she spends a lot of time with a

00:49:47.400 particular Asian fella.

00:49:49.760 And I imagine the people want to know when, you know, little bobbies are on the way because 1.00

00:49:57.600 I think the world needs a few more bobbies if they didn't have enough already. 1.00

00:50:03.240 You know, it's starting to seem like that house is just becoming like a dog pound.

00:50:11.260 I have so many notions about dogs.

00:50:13.120 Leave me alone.

00:50:13.500 I feel like you've been dodging the answer to this question.

00:50:17.920 Gang gang.

00:50:18.420 Have I been dodging this?

00:50:20.780 He's onward, brother.

00:50:21.800 Right there.

00:50:22.280 I love his attitude.

00:50:23.140 Onward, brother.

00:50:23.600 You go get it, huh?

00:50:25.080 You go get it, dude.

00:50:26.560 I feel like I've been very clear about where I stand on having children.

00:50:30.240 I do not know anything about this.

00:50:32.560 The same reason that you fear he's just going to perish.

00:50:36.000 I don't fear it.

00:50:37.060 I think you alone have said vomiting, diarrhea, fire.

00:50:42.460 Being attacked by a lobster.

00:50:43.920 Yeah.

00:50:44.380 So those, a lot of things people don't deal with on a regular basis.

00:50:47.720 Also, I went to his birthday one time eating very dangerous food.

00:50:50.920 That was Filipino food and the restaurant was great.

00:50:53.640 There was fish poisoning.

00:50:54.840 It was right by the interstate.

00:50:55.720 There was no fish.

00:50:56.440 It was a steakhouse.

00:50:57.700 Well, some of the steak had fins on it.

00:51:02.020 So it was water steak.

00:51:04.160 So anyway, I'm just saying, that's all I'm saying is, as a natural being, if you see a

00:51:12.960 woman and a male, it doesn't matter the age, is there anything, one of the first thoughts

00:51:17.660 is, okay, is that man going to survive?

00:51:20.400 Is that man going to survive?

00:51:21.860 It's just a survival thing.

00:51:23.720 So I think that's what, if I saw you with some, like you said, some six foot six rugby

00:51:28.700 guy, you almost feel like, oh, there's no chance that that guy's probably going to survive.

00:51:33.600 That guy could probably beat fire.

00:51:35.320 That guy could beat everything.

00:51:36.320 No, because short people live longer.

00:51:38.940 Right.

00:51:39.180 But I think that's, with short people, yes.

00:51:41.360 If Bobby's a safe short man, wearing safe attire, wearing things that are reflective clothing, but Bobby...

00:51:50.700 He wears a lot of reflective clothing.

00:51:52.340 Okay, I will admit that.

00:51:53.500 I will admit that.

00:51:53.820 You know that he always wears a construction shirt that no one understands why he wears,

00:51:58.440 but he wears it all the time.

00:51:59.500 Oh, I do.

00:52:00.100 He's under construction like no one else I've ever met.

00:52:03.420 And his shoes are always shining.

00:52:05.080 There's always a reflector on there.

00:52:06.380 Okay, you're right.

00:52:06.920 But also, I've seen him drive off many times into the night with no headlights on, and he

00:52:12.080 will literally, while it's loading, shine his Candy Crush game at the road in order to

00:52:16.820 see where he's going.

00:52:17.620 So, let's just say he lives a risky lifestyle.

00:52:22.800 Can we just say he lives a risky lifestyle?

00:52:24.460 Thank you.

00:52:24.880 And that is the answer to this guy's question.

00:52:27.400 Yes.

00:52:29.620 Well, it's compounded.

00:52:31.080 It's a couple things, but that's definitely one of the reasons.

00:52:33.060 It's like, I need a little bit more.

00:52:35.420 I need him to prove that he's going to stay alive.

00:52:38.120 Oh, thanks, man.

00:52:40.020 And that he wants to stay alive.

00:52:42.140 Like, I don't want to be a single mom.

00:52:44.040 I don't want to be, you know...

00:52:46.440 Well, if you are a single mom, we definitely have a fund for single moms who are more than 0.97

00:52:49.940 willing to help you out over here.

00:52:51.220 I just want to let you know that.

00:52:53.780 But so, he needs to prove that he's staying alive.

00:52:56.560 Yeah.

00:52:57.240 And what else?

00:52:58.140 Has he started to display...

00:52:59.420 Do you start to see some of those fatherly characteristics?

00:53:01.580 Because I noticed one thing that's nice about Bobby is, like, if I text Bobby and say,

00:53:06.600 hey, man, I need this.

00:53:07.860 I need you here.

00:53:08.600 I need help.

00:53:09.700 I need something.

00:53:10.800 He will get back to me.

00:53:12.320 Yes, he will.

00:53:12.600 If I text anything else, nothing.

00:53:15.180 Nothing.

00:53:15.400 Like, radio silence, disappearing.

00:53:17.500 He told me one time, he told me he had passed away once, which I was like, well, you should

00:53:22.860 have somebody else tell me because you ruined it to get out of something.

00:53:27.920 But otherwise, he is...

00:53:30.660 It's odd.

00:53:31.480 He's one of the most reliable guys that I know.

00:53:33.740 He is.

00:53:34.400 And the guy asked a question earlier, like, two questions before this about what it's

00:53:38.320 like to live with him.

00:53:39.500 And he's never not picked up a phone call.

00:53:41.180 He's never not texted me back.

00:53:42.520 Like, he just has a bandwidth for very few people.

00:53:45.980 But those people that he has a bandwidth for, he really comes through for.

00:53:50.140 But in terms of children, that's a whole nother ballgame.

00:53:53.300 That's another human's life.

00:53:55.040 He's very good with kids.

00:53:56.680 And but in five minute spurts and having kids is not a five minute game.

00:54:00.980 Like, that is it's it's a lot.

00:54:03.340 And I take that stuff really, really seriously.

00:54:05.060 So it's we're going through it in therapy right now.

00:54:08.560 It's like we're trying to work through exactly like what my expectations are, you know, in

00:54:12.800 a partner.

00:54:13.280 Should I have like a child?

00:54:14.900 And yeah, that's something that we're working through.

00:54:17.080 But it's not out of the question.

00:54:18.540 It's just I just need just a little bit more.

00:54:22.220 Yeah.

00:54:22.500 I need to see that he wants to be alive for at the very least till the kid's 12.

00:54:26.860 Right.

00:54:27.300 The smoking, you know, just the reckless stuff you're talking about.

00:54:30.260 And imagine like a baby seat.

00:54:32.700 Yeah.

00:54:33.680 Oh, you know, like Bobby would get in it.

00:54:38.340 That's the crazy part.

00:54:40.020 Literally, the kid would be on the roof in that little attachment to the baby seat.

00:54:44.320 And Bobby would be in the baby seat.

00:54:47.960 That's what I'm saying.

00:54:49.200 Like, or like he'd leave the baby at like the top of the car.

00:54:51.620 I just I don't know if I like I know myself.

00:54:55.460 Yeah.

00:54:55.760 And I don't know if I could leave the kid with him with a father.

00:54:59.640 Like, I should be able to feel confident about that.

00:55:02.060 That's all I'm saying is when I see him, certain alarms, litmus papers inside of my brain flare up, you know, ammonia, gas leaks, everything.

00:55:15.200 I mean, they're just a propensity, this raging, this rolling ball, this Korean Ignatius Riley that's just rolling down the hill, this tumbleweed of perfection that is just wandering through the through the existence, bringing so much joy to so many people.

00:55:31.360 Flammable is, yeah, is that's just, it's just, it's risque.

00:55:35.680 It's flammable.

00:55:37.020 Yes, very.

00:55:38.020 It's flammable.

00:55:38.940 But I think Bobby would be a great dad.

00:55:40.380 I, yeah, you would definitely, and I see why also you and Bobby make such a good pair is because you are this loving, nurturing breast of a goddess of a human. 0.78

00:55:52.500 You know, you're like this breast of the Lord, breast of Christ.

00:55:55.100 Oh, wait, didn't you want one of my breast implants? 1.00

00:55:57.620 Huh?

00:55:58.600 I would have. 1.00

00:55:59.320 Shit, I left it at home. 0.99

00:56:00.620 I meant to do that. 1.00

00:56:01.740 Oh, really?

00:56:02.180 Because the last time you were on Tiger Belly, you were like, let me have one of your breast implants. 0.63

00:56:05.080 You got them taken out?

00:56:06.140 Yeah.

00:56:06.560 Oh, yeah.

00:56:06.860 Theo, you know this.

00:56:08.180 I do know it.

00:56:08.680 I wrote it down actually in my diary.

00:56:10.200 Well, you don't have to look very far.

00:56:11.280 Which I haven't read in a while because I'm reading something else.

00:56:13.100 You don't have to look very far to know that they've been, they're done.

00:56:16.280 They used to be much bigger.

00:56:17.920 They were double D's. 0.99

00:56:18.920 Oh, damn. 0.99

00:56:21.040 I'm so happy that you never really noticed. 1.00

00:56:22.900 That makes me so happy.

00:56:23.920 I haven't even looked at that.

00:56:25.100 Thank you.

00:56:25.680 I can't even, it's hard to look at anything else but you, you know, in your entirety.

00:56:31.760 Thank you.

00:56:32.340 Appreciate it.

00:56:32.660 And I love you, Bobby.

00:56:34.340 And I'm just saying hello.

00:56:35.620 Just saying hello to your lady.

00:56:36.820 Nice to see her here today. 0.82

00:56:38.820 But what I'm trying to tell you, Kalilah, what are we talking about?

00:56:45.100 You said you wanted to talk about volcanoes and then we strayed somewhere else.

00:56:51.640 What is the problem here?

00:56:52.940 I just went to a sex and love addiction meeting right before this.

00:56:55.900 Oh, really?

00:56:56.400 Yeah.

00:56:56.520 How was it?

00:56:57.260 You've been going or?

00:56:58.380 It was good.

00:56:58.920 I don't go as, I think, I've just been, you know, like just trying to figure out with

00:57:02.000 like addiction and stuff like what is my real problem, you know?

00:57:05.660 Or where do some of my real problems stem from?

00:57:08.180 I think a lot of it stems from like connection and stuff like that.

00:57:10.840 Like emotional sex and love addiction.

00:57:13.500 Like, cause like, you know, I go to the meetings for Alcoholics Anonymous, but I don't, I've

00:57:19.420 never had a problem with alcohol.

00:57:20.600 So it's hard to relate a lot of times when they talk about it.

00:57:24.080 But the emotional side of it, I can relate to tons.

00:57:27.360 It's like whenever they talk about how they're feeling in there, I can relate to all that.

00:57:30.560 When they talk about the drink and I was so, that I can't relate to.

00:57:33.840 Yeah.

00:57:34.180 But I can relate to when they talk about how they were feeling.

00:57:35.980 What about with SLA?

00:57:38.620 SLA, it's a, they talk a lot more about the emotional stuff.

00:57:41.280 It's a lot of people just talking about like how they're feeling, what was going on.

00:57:46.000 Like, um, like, like there was, uh, like a guy was talking about how, um, like relationships

00:57:57.440 and stuff, like he would always, like whenever somebody was like leaving, then they would

00:58:02.640 activate and like be as lovey as they could.

00:58:05.420 And whenever somebody was coming on, they would be as distant as they could.

00:58:08.560 And I notice all the time, like I'm always on this weird kind of spectrum.

00:58:11.980 It's hard to get to like an even place with that, you know, like, um, I don't know.

00:58:18.700 That's a lot of like, I don't know.

00:58:20.120 But anyway, that kind of stuff is the kind of stuff that I really dig.

00:58:22.620 You know, that's the kind of stuff where it's like when it comes to your feelings, 0.99

00:58:24.700 I love that kind of shit. 0.99

00:58:25.720 How many times have you been in love in your life? 1.00

00:58:28.260 Like truly felt like considered this person as, oh, I could, this could be my life partner.

00:58:33.500 Have you ever felt that?

00:58:34.400 Or I think my first love, I, my, I was in buddy and love with my buddy's mom actually,

00:58:39.220 dude.

00:58:39.460 And she had, I used to sneak over into their hamper. 0.95

00:58:42.680 It's kind of crazy and huff them cups, bro. 0.99

00:58:45.140 She had this big brassiere and I'd hide in there and fucking huff them cups, daddy. 1.00

00:58:48.940 And just, just smell that thing as hard as I could, man. 0.99

00:58:51.860 Until my fricking lungs almost blew out.

00:58:53.580 You see, you're doing it.

00:58:54.720 You're really not telling me.

00:58:56.780 What?

00:58:57.120 Like when the last time you, Oh, the last time or how many times you've been like, you

00:59:03.240 know, not just enamored or like lustful, but really feeling like you could, you found a

00:59:09.220 life partner.

00:59:09.780 Uh, I, you know, I, there was a girl, I was seeing a girl for a few years that I think

00:59:20.580 it was like, it was good.

00:59:22.600 It was, I don't know.

00:59:23.480 The girl you brought to the birthday party.

00:59:24.740 Yep.

00:59:24.960 The girl I brought to the birthday party.

00:59:25.860 Yeah.

00:59:25.880 Loved her.

00:59:26.420 Yeah.

00:59:26.660 She was great.

00:59:27.680 I just didn't, uh, I don't know.

00:59:29.840 It just like, I don't know.

00:59:31.220 I just, uh, my own problems come into things that I just couldn't really commit, you know?

00:59:35.060 And I think almost we were better as friends, maybe kind of, um, yeah.

00:59:38.960 But after a while, everyone's better off as friends.

00:59:40.920 Right.

00:59:41.240 After a while, it's all friends in the end.

00:59:42.860 No, it really is.

00:59:44.080 Like I, I get so annoyed.

00:59:46.860 Like, I don't know.

00:59:47.460 Tell me about it.

00:59:48.020 No, it sounds like you guys are having a tough time.

00:59:49.340 People are like, when people are like, we've been, you know, 20 years deep.

00:59:53.600 We're still so in love and we have sex every day. 0.99

00:59:55.880 I'm like, oh, shut up. 1.00

00:59:57.020 That is disgusting, dude. 1.00

00:59:58.240 I'll tell you this. 1.00

00:59:59.020 Whoever you are, wife, if you freaking try to have sex with me every day, I'm calling 1.00

01:00:02.840 the fucking police, lady. 1.00

01:00:04.760 I will call the damn police on you. 1.00

01:00:06.860 It just seems so unreasonable. 1.00

01:00:08.780 Yeah, and stay in your room, too.

01:00:10.920 Denise or whatever your name is. 1.00

01:00:12.260 I don't even know yet.

01:00:13.100 But that's how you gotta up the role play.

01:00:14.900 You gotta up, up, up the role play. 0.99

01:00:16.920 Oh, I'll take that broad the damn, uh, what is it called where they fight at night and 0.99

01:00:21.160 you eat food in the stands? 1.00

01:00:24.200 Oh, night. 1.00

01:00:25.220 Fucking blanking. 0.99

01:00:29.880 That's how I feel. 1.00

01:00:30.680 That's basically, that's exactly how I feel during sex. 0.99

01:00:33.040 That's how my erection feels all the time. 0.99

01:00:35.000 Ah, blanking. 0.99

01:00:36.320 Yeah, yeah.

01:00:37.560 Knights in shining armor?

01:00:38.780 Medieval times.

01:00:39.620 Medieval times.

01:00:40.040 Oh, medieval times.

01:00:41.620 I will take that lady to medieval times if she needs a little bit of pleasure. 1.00

01:00:44.640 You know what I'm saying?

01:00:45.220 And I'll take her to urban night at medieval times where she, they will get the job done. 0.99

01:00:52.120 That's what Bobby and I do.

01:00:53.180 Really?

01:00:53.760 We do like, um, century-based like role play and stuff.

01:00:56.240 See, that's awesome, man.

01:00:57.180 We can't be, we've been together for so long, for almost a decade.

01:01:00.180 Like, we have to be someone else for each other because the, he's tired of Kalilah as Kalilah. 0.82

01:01:06.760 Really?

01:01:07.240 Yeah.

01:01:07.760 Wow.

01:01:08.760 I don't see how that could happen.

01:01:09.980 But what do I know?

01:01:12.080 I'm just one man with a diary, you know, that's filled up all the pages.

01:01:16.200 Sometimes he needs a Brandon.

01:01:18.380 Oh my God.

01:01:20.720 And here's Dave Portnoy in disguise right here.

01:01:24.780 Let's hear what this guy has to say, huh?

01:01:35.880 Do you want some of my coffee?

01:01:37.460 Oh, no, thank you.

01:01:38.240 I don't drink coffee.

01:01:39.240 You sure?

01:01:39.980 Mm-hmm.

01:01:40.800 Am I, do I look like I need a boost?

01:01:43.920 I think you look nice.

01:01:44.740 Okay.

01:01:45.420 I mean, I think you look healthy and I think you look like a woman. 0.95

01:01:49.220 Still no audio.

01:01:50.020 I don't know why, Nick.

01:01:50.640 It's okay.

01:01:51.440 We'll figure it out.

01:01:53.240 Um, yeah, you know, I think sometimes I get afraid to like talk with women about like 0.93

01:01:57.680 your thing, like, yeah, I just get afraid to be brave, I think sometimes.

01:02:01.000 But I'm also realizing that now.

01:02:02.700 I'm like, you just got to talk about what you like or what you don't like, what you feel

01:02:06.480 like about sexually or anything.

01:02:08.100 Or even just like talk to them like friends.

01:02:10.540 You have to do it.

01:02:11.120 And if something builds from there, then great.

01:02:12.560 Yeah.

01:02:12.840 You know?

01:02:13.100 I think I do okay with it.

01:02:14.980 I think sometimes I just like, um, I don't know.

01:02:19.020 It just gets scary.

01:02:20.020 I just have so many, I have just a lot of weird things. 0.99

01:02:23.280 Just like, I don't know, just some uncomforts around a lot of that kind of shit. 0.98

01:02:26.380 But I keep going at it. 0.98

01:02:27.900 You know, I keep getting back out there.

01:02:29.720 You know, I dated a girl recently.

01:02:31.040 I think she was like really cool, but she was kind of afraid.

01:02:34.840 Like, I don't know.

01:02:36.080 I just was afraid to like commit and say that I kind of liked her.

01:02:39.140 You know?

01:02:39.440 I was just afraid to like, hey, I really like you.

01:02:42.040 You know?

01:02:42.380 Like, because I don't know what I'm afraid of then, I guess.

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01:04:04.480 There's a lot to be afraid of.

01:04:08.500 Yeah.

01:04:09.280 Like, you know, but that you have to figure out, you know, there's so many reasons why

01:04:13.500 someone wouldn't just come out and say that they like someone.

01:04:17.240 Number one, like, like that you just don't, you just, there's so many things that you can't

01:04:23.300 control after that.

01:04:24.580 Yeah.

01:04:24.840 But you have to figure that out for yourself because, you know, but, but I will say, and

01:04:30.460 now I don't know you in depth, in depth, um, I understand you.

01:04:37.620 Yeah.

01:04:38.280 And I think that's why I like you a lot.

01:04:39.820 You are not a complicated math equation for me.

01:04:43.560 Like when I look at you, when I listen to you, when I see you around people, or maybe

01:04:49.640 there's just a kindred nature between us, but I get you.

01:04:52.260 Yeah.

01:04:53.320 And so.

01:04:53.900 I feel like that about you, I think too.

01:04:55.120 Maybe that's why I have some like affinity for you is because.

01:04:59.000 I like that word.

01:04:59.860 Thank you.

01:05:00.620 I think we'll just leave it at that affinity.

01:05:02.500 Yeah.

01:05:03.880 Um, is because I think I feel that about you.

01:05:06.840 I think I feel, and also some of it is just your people's nature.

01:05:10.840 The Filipino people are very.

01:05:12.800 Yes.

01:05:13.440 Caring people.

01:05:14.380 Yeah.

01:05:14.860 A lot of.

01:05:15.680 Not judgy.

01:05:16.320 Not judgy.

01:05:16.980 A lot of people.

01:05:18.000 And a lot of them, I will be honest, have names like Linda, Lucky, Susan.

01:05:22.560 But, um, uh, but also, um, yeah, I think there's just something about that.

01:05:29.400 It's like this, it's like a safe space.

01:05:31.860 I think that's what you feel like a lot of times or seem like, you know, I've never touched

01:05:35.500 your skin or anything, but I feel, you seem like a safe space.

01:05:39.920 So I think that that's one thing that's kind of nice about you, which is probably why a

01:05:43.500 lot of people will be attracted to you.

01:05:44.560 And I could easily see why you and Bobby would make a perfect fit, you know?

01:05:48.380 Yeah.

01:05:48.640 And I think it's good.

01:05:49.340 And that's one thing I think as I got to know you a little bit better, I was like,

01:05:52.280 Oh, Bobby has like a safe space here.

01:05:53.780 And that's awesome for him.

01:05:54.800 You know?

01:05:55.440 Yeah.

01:05:55.640 I grew up in a very.

01:05:56.120 God forbid anything should ever happen to him.

01:05:58.660 God forbid.

01:06:00.040 We're not putting that out in the universe one more time on this show.

01:06:02.560 We're not.

01:06:02.920 We had a birthday party here for him.

01:06:04.020 Remember?

01:06:04.660 Good.

01:06:05.040 I'm glad.

01:06:05.300 So we want him to keep aging.

01:06:06.400 We're like, Hey, congrats on the year.

01:06:08.160 Yep.

01:06:08.420 Yep.

01:06:08.540 Let's keep it.

01:06:09.100 Let's keep it going.

01:06:09.800 I like that.

01:06:10.200 I grew up in a really, really chaotic environment.

01:06:13.140 And so it makes sense for me, like complicated people, like don't, it threatened me in any

01:06:19.440 way.

01:06:20.060 It almost feels like I just want to be around somebody with that story behind them.

01:06:26.940 Yeah.

01:06:27.140 I don't want, like when I look at George Kimmel, love you, George, love you to death.

01:06:32.540 He is.

01:06:32.800 I literally would not, I could not live without George.

01:06:35.700 Oh yeah.

01:06:35.940 But like, I would never date him because we would just, and I can, you can hear, if

01:06:41.440 you listen, you can hear George's heart breaking.

01:06:44.260 You can almost hear it.

01:06:45.980 Congratulations on the new baby.

01:06:47.040 But yeah, I could not, I wouldn't, I wouldn't be able to because he grew up in a very steady

01:06:52.460 family, in a very steady upbringing with good family, good values, a lot, very safe.

01:06:59.540 Very safe.

01:07:00.060 Yeah. 1.00

01:07:00.320 You knew the guy was going to put like really put a fricking gun in your butt. 1.00

01:07:03.300 Yeah. 0.99

01:07:03.800 It's a little bit much, but I.

01:07:05.420 Tongue.

01:07:06.260 Tongue.

01:07:06.700 Tongue.

01:07:07.300 Oh, I said gun.

01:07:09.540 You know what I'm saying? 1.00

01:07:10.700 You want to ask, play bitch? 1.00

01:07:12.420 I'm just saying, look, man, let's go again. 0.99

01:07:14.780 If we're going to play Atlanta, let's play Atlanta.

01:07:17.040 You know what I'm saying?

01:07:18.920 It's Russian roulette.

01:07:20.240 Yeah.

01:07:21.280 And here's Dave Portnoy, obviously, again, trying to sneak back in in his disguise.

01:07:28.060 Maybe he's going to give us a loan.

01:07:30.500 Good to see you guys.

01:07:32.480 I had a question for you.

01:07:33.840 Uh, I wonder how long into dating somebody you should start revealing Bobby isms, if you 0.99

01:07:41.180 will.

01:07:41.520 Um, weird things about your life, because I find them endearing when people learn about

01:07:47.500 me.

01:07:47.700 But I think most women find them to be like a super turnoff. 1.00

01:07:51.180 Um, and my buddies always tell me you should chill, you know, don't reveal who you really

01:07:57.140 are, because I like to do that on the first date over drinks.

01:08:00.380 Um, so yeah, I just want to know how long before Bobby isms can start coming out into

01:08:05.240 dating.

01:08:05.620 And, uh, gang gang.

01:08:07.300 He's doing, he's doing, he's doing, the Bobby ism that he's doing is actually trying to do

01:08:11.700 it up front.

01:08:12.900 That's a Bobby ism.

01:08:14.040 It's a defense mechanism.

01:08:15.340 I'm going to throw everything out there.

01:08:17.220 Yeah.

01:08:17.540 So you have nothing to hold over my head.

01:08:19.660 And I don't think that you are going into the situation in an honest way.

01:08:23.960 Oh God.

01:08:24.840 I've done that for sure.

01:08:26.180 Let me show you all the bad things I do.

01:08:28.300 I'm going to dry shave during this fancy dinner.

01:08:30.620 Like you can't do that because you really are just putting on a show and that's not

01:08:36.680 really who you are.

01:08:37.940 Right.

01:08:38.360 Um, so what you're doing is already a Bobby ism.

01:08:42.820 I, if you're talking about a farting, just being an overall animal.

01:08:46.980 Yeah.

01:08:47.700 Like that's inescapable.

01:08:49.700 That's an inescapable thing to find out about someone once you, you know, are a couple months

01:08:55.100 deep.

01:08:55.460 Yeah.

01:08:56.180 Um, I'm not into girl hips. 0.99

01:08:58.620 So if you show up on the first date and you show me your girl hips, like six months down 0.98

01:09:04.700 the line, that might be a problem.

01:09:06.160 Okay.

01:09:06.340 So that's something I would like to know on the first date.

01:09:08.180 And what is girl hips? 1.00

01:09:09.440 Like a, um, occipital thing or something?

01:09:11.820 What is it?

01:09:12.080 Yeah.

01:09:12.320 It's not an, it's not an occipital thing.

01:09:16.340 It's a pelvic thing.

01:09:17.880 Okay.

01:09:18.620 Um, I'm, I, I like a V shaped body.

01:09:22.160 Oh yeah.

01:09:23.120 I don't even care if you're super fat or anything.

01:09:25.280 I just can't have grill hips. 1.00

01:09:26.580 I'll get my damn legs removed for you. 1.00

01:09:29.000 Like it's in about us though. 1.00

01:09:30.580 But what I'm trying to say is hip dysplasia.

01:09:33.760 Like German shepherds.

01:09:34.920 Oh, like Australian shepherds.

01:09:36.480 I have a German shepherd I'm fostering with double hip dysplasia.

01:09:39.360 Jesus Christ.

01:09:40.380 He wobbles. 0.94

01:09:41.340 Do the stanky leg, huh? 0.99

01:09:42.740 That thing sounds like it could fucking work at a strip club. 1.00

01:09:46.880 It has double hip dysplasia. 1.00

01:09:48.460 Dude, shave its puss and put it on stage. 1.00

01:09:51.260 That's all I'm saying. 0.99

01:09:52.840 But I'm saying you got to make that money, mommy.

01:09:55.780 Um, yeah, it's interesting, you know, it's interesting trying to be, I'm just realizing

01:10:00.980 that I need to start to get to like kind of, I just need to be more, I need to be, I got

01:10:07.840 to be more with it when it comes to like any relationships.

01:10:10.820 If I want to have something serious down the line, you know, but you're not looking right.

01:10:15.260 Like it's something that you just want to, um, you want to stumble.

01:10:19.200 I'm not on any apps or anything like that.

01:10:21.060 Like I'm not doing anything like that.

01:10:22.500 I've considered, I got on for like a night one time and I got a little bit scared.

01:10:26.340 Um, and I would do it.

01:10:28.080 I just, I just want to make sure that like, I just don't want to waste my time.

01:10:32.320 That's what I don't want to do.

01:10:33.340 I don't want to be wasting my time with some like thoughts or, you know, I mean, I'm just,

01:10:39.220 I think I'm done with the whole escorts thing.

01:10:42.520 It's just, all of us just.

01:10:43.800 Did you do that for a while?

01:10:45.060 I didn't do it for a while, but if I would get wasted or something, I would do it, you

01:10:48.460 know, or if I would get like, you know, you know, I had a time a while, like not like

01:10:54.560 a few months back where I just had like, I was just like in a bad way and I just got,

01:10:59.360 you know, but it's never works out with them.

01:11:01.860 It's always like this embarrassing, it's just always this uncomfortable thing.

01:11:04.820 It's just never, I don't know.

01:11:07.080 None of it's ever really ideal, you know, but I want to get away from whatever feelings

01:11:11.140 make me even like get into that kind of space.

01:11:13.700 You know, I have a strong urge to cradle you.

01:11:16.160 You really?

01:11:16.740 Yeah.

01:11:17.120 Oh my God.

01:11:18.240 Like a strong urge to just like. 0.99

01:11:20.640 I'll do a damn front side piggyback. 0.98

01:11:25.060 That's what my finishing moves am I starting move? 0.99

01:11:29.560 But no, I, I do.

01:11:30.920 I do get it.

01:11:31.620 It's, it's a scary world out there.

01:11:33.720 But I can't be needing cradling forever.

01:11:35.440 You know, I also need to be able to cradle myself, you know, so that's one of the things

01:11:39.280 is I have to be able to parent myself enough in certain situations where I'm like, uh, managing

01:11:44.340 myself well, you know, and for the most part I do, you know, and nothing's perfect and nothing's

01:11:49.060 linear.

01:11:49.640 You can't be with someone codependent either who thinks that they have to fix you.

01:11:52.700 Right.

01:11:53.160 Cause that is just a recipe for disaster.

01:11:55.320 Cause that's what I was for a really long time in Bobby's life.

01:11:57.640 We weren't exactly like super healthy in the beginning either.

01:12:00.060 Yeah.

01:12:00.420 Cause I'm somebody who's always like, what can I do?

01:12:02.780 Like, yeah.

01:12:03.820 Like I'm, I always want to, this thing that hangs over my head a lot.

01:12:08.160 I'm like, if you're not enhancing someone's life, like, what are you even there for?

01:12:11.940 And so I felt this like pressure to just make sure that he was always okay, doing well,

01:12:17.340 feeling well.

01:12:18.060 And, and then I kind of left myself behind a little bit.

01:12:21.800 Oh, I could see that.

01:12:22.540 I'm like, but it not, it's something he did.

01:12:24.640 It's what I did to myself. 0.96

01:12:25.900 Like I put those expectations on myself and that's, that's a really dumb thing to do. 0.77

01:12:30.020 So you can't be with someone like that either.

01:12:31.920 Cause I feel like you're not, you're going to want out immediately.

01:12:35.200 Yeah.

01:12:35.580 I might, uh, certainly might.

01:12:38.680 This lady right here seems like she might want it. 1.00

01:12:40.740 Oh, great eyebrows.

01:12:41.460 Ooh, goals.

01:12:42.080 Yeah.

01:12:44.020 What's up Theo?

01:12:45.000 What's up Kalilah?

01:12:45.840 What's up mommy?

01:12:46.480 My name is Kyla.

01:12:47.200 I am coming to you guys from Abbotsford, British Columbia, Canada.

01:12:51.560 We're about an hour outside of Vancouver.

01:12:54.420 Okay. 1.00

01:12:54.780 Uh, I'm coming to you with a fuck, marry, kill today for Kalilah, but before I get into 1.00

01:12:59.720 it, I just wanted to let you guys know, uh, how much I love you both. 1.00

01:13:03.100 Theo, I saw you when you came to Vancouver in 2019.

01:13:06.160 Can't wait for the border to open so you can come back. 1.00

01:13:08.560 Uh, you guys have been really getting me through the pandy.

01:13:11.280 Like I said, I live in Canada and my husband lives in Washington.

01:13:14.960 So it's been a long year.

01:13:16.740 Oh wow.

01:13:17.100 With the border closure and everything like that.

01:13:18.880 Can't wait for it to end.

01:13:20.360 Um, you've gotten me through some really rough spots.

01:13:22.560 So I just have to say that I love you guys.

01:13:24.040 And thank you so much for doing what you do. 1.00

01:13:26.280 Uh, the fuck, marry, kill I have for Kalilah is between Esther, Theo, and Annie. 1.00

01:13:32.020 And whoever you kill, I want you to tell me how you do it. 1.00

01:13:34.980 Thanks so much guys. 0.99

01:13:35.960 Gang gang.

01:13:36.960 Love you.

01:13:37.240 Thank God I'm in there.

01:13:38.100 I will say this also.

01:13:39.720 Uh, it's like Snoqualmio and Van Cooleyette.

01:13:44.980 That was a little border thing I just made out.

01:13:49.180 You do?

01:13:49.720 Yeah.

01:13:50.560 Oh, that's crazy.

01:13:51.280 I think Snoqualmie would be a cute name for a child actually.

01:13:54.040 Sno for short.

01:13:55.100 Oh.

01:13:55.820 So cute.

01:13:56.720 Come here, come here.

01:13:58.260 Hey, little child.

01:14:00.820 Do you want a butterscotch?

01:14:02.460 Huh?

01:14:02.720 My child would have an accent?

01:14:04.000 I can't wait to, I mean it could if your child wants to.

01:14:06.820 I think children are going to be able to do whatever they want. 0.97

01:14:09.000 They said in tears you would have a black child even if you're not even black. 1.00

01:14:11.540 So, that's going to flip whole BLM shit on its head, fam. 1.00

01:14:17.000 When I show up with black, fucking one black leg, one strawberry leg, dude. 1.00

01:14:21.160 It's on. 1.00

01:14:23.300 Let's go.

01:14:24.360 But yes, let's get back to your question.

01:14:27.800 Thank you very much and I'm sorry you and your husband are dealing with these discrepancies

01:14:31.040 right here.

01:14:32.700 Right. 1.00

01:14:33.260 So, fuck, marry, kill, fuck, Esther, Annie, and Theo. 1.00

01:14:36.440 Oh God, this is so hard. 1.00

01:14:38.380 And she really shouldn't have to put me in.

01:14:39.580 I feel like we've, I feel like I don't want to be like, you don't feel like I've been flirting

01:14:43.840 with you, do you?

01:14:44.680 No.

01:14:45.040 Do you feel like I've been flirting with you?

01:14:46.480 I don't think so.

01:14:47.280 I made a mistake about saying, like, considering, like, to a throuple and I have regrets.

01:14:54.100 But I don't feel like we've been flirting.

01:14:55.780 No.

01:14:56.080 I just don't want to be inappropriate with my friend's girlfriend.

01:14:58.300 Let me put it to you this way.

01:14:59.400 Yeah.

01:15:00.200 You don't have to say this either.

01:15:01.520 If I felt you were ever inappropriate with me, I would have never been, I wouldn't do this

01:15:05.360 show with you.

01:15:05.880 Right.

01:15:05.900 Thank you.

01:15:06.720 Thank you very much.

01:15:07.400 I love you so much.

01:15:08.520 I have so much respect for you.

01:15:09.820 Thank you.

01:15:10.360 Same.

01:15:10.900 Like a brother.

01:15:12.480 Same.

01:15:13.260 Same, same, same, same, same, same, same.

01:15:15.160 But what I'm saying is. 1.00

01:15:19.420 Fuck, marry, kill. 1.00

01:15:20.300 Fuck, marry, kill. 1.00

01:15:21.040 Yeah. 1.00

01:15:21.840 Just kill me. 1.00

01:15:22.480 Just kill me, please. 1.00

01:15:23.680 No, let's, let's, let's be authentic about this. 1.00

01:15:26.240 There's, you don't, they don't have dicks. 1.00

01:15:28.240 Okay. 1.00

01:15:29.120 And I'm not into pussy. 1.00

01:15:30.500 So I would have to fuck you. 1.00

01:15:32.380 All right. 1.00

01:15:33.660 Like, that's just the bottom line.

01:15:36.000 Look.

01:15:37.600 Logistics.

01:15:38.240 Is the logistics.

01:15:38.920 What are you going to say, man?

01:15:41.640 Facts is facts, fam.

01:15:43.340 You feel me?

01:15:43.820 Because I love them so equally, Annie and Esther, for many different ways. 1.00

01:15:47.820 I'd have to just kill them both. 1.00

01:15:49.020 I'm not marrying anyone. 1.00

01:15:50.280 Wow.

01:15:50.760 I'm marrying myself.

01:15:52.440 Oh, God is my girlfriend. 1.00

01:15:53.880 Or, or I'd marry both of them and kill no one. 1.00

01:15:55.780 But that's not fair, right? 1.00

01:15:56.840 So I just have to kill them both. 1.00

01:15:58.200 God. 1.00

01:15:59.120 We should do a, what if we did a dating advice podcast?

01:16:01.880 It'd be interesting, I feel like.

01:16:03.540 I feel like I'd give all the wrong advice.

01:16:05.640 I'd be like, yeah, throw in a fourth person in there. 0.59

01:16:08.080 Throw in a fifth.

01:16:09.060 Yeah.

01:16:10.040 Yeah, do music.

01:16:11.320 What's that instrument?

01:16:14.340 Yeah, the ascension.

01:16:15.200 The ascension.

01:16:18.740 Dude, it would be a good show, though, wouldn't it, George?

01:16:21.320 You think?

01:16:22.140 Oh, yeah.

01:16:22.700 Just strictly dating advice?

01:16:24.080 Can we hear George or not?

01:16:25.260 Yeah.

01:16:25.880 Oh, wow.

01:16:26.360 There he is.

01:16:27.720 And what about, where do you see George ending up?

01:16:31.560 Does he have, you have a wife, George?

01:16:32.860 Yes, I do.

01:16:33.960 Oh, you have a child, too, huh?

01:16:35.220 As of two and a half weeks ago.

01:16:36.600 Wow.

01:16:37.260 Brave boy.

01:16:38.820 Congratulations, man. 1.00

01:16:40.440 Damn. 0.99

01:16:41.300 You guys are moving forward over at Y'all's Podcast. 0.99

01:16:44.700 We're struggling.

01:16:45.920 Nick's been shaving.

01:16:46.940 Nick shaved earlier.

01:16:48.620 Nick's been sleeping here at night.

01:16:51.620 You look good, Nick.

01:16:52.700 Oh, thanks.

01:16:53.500 And I love that you have a gap, because I have a gap, too.

01:16:55.860 You do?

01:16:56.320 I used to have a gap.

01:16:57.020 I could easily get it back.

01:16:58.800 Jamar Neighbors does a gap.

01:17:00.160 He does? 0.93

01:17:00.540 My clit could get stuck in his gap. 1.00

01:17:02.120 Oh, my God. 0.99

01:17:05.140 That's what I dream about every day. 1.00

01:17:06.480 You guys are disgusting. 1.00

01:17:07.280 Dang. 1.00

01:17:07.380 Dang.

01:17:10.340 When are y'all going to grow up, man? 1.00

01:17:13.720 That makes my penis hurt when you say that. 1.00

01:17:17.020 I could never tell it's his face. 0.99

01:17:18.960 If I ever saw Jamar Neighbors, I would just- 1.00

01:17:20.080 I'm sure he can figure it out now.

01:17:22.540 I would just have to look away.

01:17:24.640 Oh, no, you wouldn't.

01:17:27.120 No, you wouldn't. 0.99

01:17:28.920 What you should make is a small clitoris you could sell to people after shows. 1.00

01:17:32.060 I don't have a massive clitoris. 1.00

01:17:34.240 I didn't say you did, and I would never accuse you of that, and I would never even imagine 0.98

01:17:38.040 you having that if I had imagined it.

01:17:41.140 It's just not something.

01:17:42.140 It's not like-

01:17:42.860 It's nothing to write home about.

01:17:44.260 It's a very- 1.00

01:17:44.860 I have a very, very average pussy. 1.00

01:17:47.180 Very run-of-the-mill pussy. 1.00

01:17:48.800 The R-O-T-M, the Avery Rotma. 1.00

01:17:51.660 Rotma, yeah. 0.64

01:17:51.940 You got that Rotma puss. 1.00

01:17:53.580 There's nothing, like, you couldn't pick it out of the lineup.

01:17:55.860 It looks very just-

01:17:57.660 Okay.

01:17:58.060 Yeah, like girl next.

01:17:59.240 It just-

01:17:59.960 Yeah.

01:18:00.560 You know, I wish I had more hang.

01:18:02.480 I wish I had, like, just either direction I wish I had more of.

01:18:05.400 Yeah.

01:18:06.060 Oh, yeah.

01:18:06.640 Yeah, yeah.

01:18:07.240 We all want more.

01:18:08.320 We all want this and that.

01:18:09.420 Everybody's got something.

01:18:10.360 Here's a guy who's probably been in the military, it looks like, or witness protection.

01:18:14.420 This could be the kickoff of your relationship advice podcast.

01:18:16.680 Oh.

01:18:17.000 Okay, here we go.

01:18:18.380 Hey, Theo.

01:18:18.840 Hey, Kyla. 0.99

01:18:20.020 Big fan of you guys.

01:18:21.180 Just wanted to get your advice on a recent development I had.

01:18:25.340 I recently got left by my wife for another woman.

01:18:30.140 Completely blindsided.

01:18:31.480 I had no idea.

01:18:33.760 Yeah, I guess I'll just look for any advice you guys would give as I move on to this next

01:18:38.660 chapter of my life.

01:18:40.720 Gang, brother.

01:18:42.260 Gang, man.

01:18:42.880 Well, first I want to say I love you, man.

01:18:44.120 I'm sorry you're going through that, dude.

01:18:45.780 You know, I think it's brave of you to say it.

01:18:47.460 Just say it in an open forum like this and just to share it, you know.

01:18:51.800 Man, that just sounds heartbreaking, especially if you didn't know.

01:18:56.880 Kalilah? 0.61

01:18:57.600 Being blindsided is my nightmare.

01:19:01.300 My biggest fear is being blindsided.

01:19:03.440 I always tell Bobby, give me six months notice.

01:19:06.000 I don't care if, I don't even care to try to win you back in those six months.

01:19:10.600 Just don't come home one day and say we're done without giving me, giving me a chance

01:19:15.700 to talk about it, to see what I've done wrong.

01:19:18.500 So I completely feel you.

01:19:20.720 This guy is, I can't imagine that kind of pain.

01:19:23.700 Yeah.

01:19:26.080 But in terms of her leaving you for a woman, like that shouldn't be a shot to your ego

01:19:31.240 at all.

01:19:32.020 It just means that she was into both or maybe she's just coming into this realization about

01:19:36.880 herself.

01:19:37.280 Um, I, um, I have nothing to say besides I really feel for you because that's my biggest

01:19:45.100 fear.

01:19:45.660 Yeah. 0.62

01:19:46.160 If Bobby were to blindside me, I would not just murder him. 1.00

01:19:50.460 I would ground his body in a blender and eat it and then shit it out into his brother's 1.00

01:19:55.540 mouth. 1.00

01:19:56.300 Oh, I've seen his brother recently.

01:19:57.800 His brother.

01:19:58.580 Yeah.

01:19:59.160 Like that's what I would do.

01:20:00.020 That's the rage that would consume me.

01:20:02.120 His brother could use the meal first of all.

01:20:05.120 And, uh, or, and also some, some vitamin D and God bless you, Stevie.

01:20:08.780 And I can't wait to come back on the episode.

01:20:10.780 He was just in here.

01:20:11.940 Oh, nice.

01:20:12.560 And, um, wait, did the whole drama get resolved?

01:20:15.300 It's, uh, it, it, it was a wild, I guess.

01:20:18.940 He was crying outside the building.

01:20:20.460 Oh, he was, but it's, you know, it's life, man.

01:20:23.920 Everybody goes through different stuff and we love him and just hoping the best for him.

01:20:27.980 I was texting him earlier, but here's what I'm saying is this fella.

01:20:31.060 If she left you for a woman, yeah, you got, you can't be like, it's a bummer, but you

01:20:37.040 weren't even playing the same game.

01:20:38.660 You know what I'm saying?

01:20:39.280 You're playing metal gear solid and she's doing, you know, she's Mario cart.

01:20:42.860 It's like, you know, you're late.

01:20:44.740 It's just, you're not even, it's like, it doesn't help any, but at least, yeah, she didn't

01:20:48.320 leave you for a man. 1.00

01:20:49.160 And plus, this is what's supposed to happen.

01:20:51.380 I hate to say it, but it's just like, whatever's going on is what's supposed to go on, you know?

01:20:56.440 So it's like, this is where you're at now and you look decent, you look semi-decent at

01:21:01.660 least on this video.

01:21:03.560 And, um, yeah, I would get a little bit of sunshine maybe and, and get back out there

01:21:08.400 and meet a decent woman.

01:21:09.500 What do you think, Kalilah? 1.00

01:21:10.280 I don't think that you should run out there and fuck, and fuck the first girl you see. 1.00

01:21:16.400 No. 1.00

01:21:16.800 Because I feel like that just makes things worse emotionally.

01:21:19.420 Yeah.

01:21:19.880 I think that men don't have, don't necessarily like to ruminate and sit on feelings, but sit 0.89

01:21:25.740 in it.

01:21:26.500 Mm-hmm.

01:21:27.020 Wallow, wallow in it.

01:21:28.760 Get to know it.

01:21:29.500 Get to know it so well that it doesn't hurt you anymore.

01:21:32.060 Wow.

01:21:33.180 Dang, that's good.

01:21:33.560 It becomes a familiar thing that you feel and then a familiar thing you expect to feel

01:21:37.460 when you wake up in the morning.

01:21:38.640 And one day you'll be like, oh, I feel it a little bit less.

01:21:41.580 Mm-hmm.

01:21:42.380 And, you know, that's just the name of the game.

01:21:45.920 It's why Theo doesn't want to get close to a woman. 0.99

01:21:50.220 Yeah, it's easier, man.

01:21:51.240 I don't know what you were doing.

01:21:52.420 And maybe like, maybe it's a good time too to see you, you probably could learn a lot

01:21:55.680 in this, you know?

01:21:56.440 You could probably learn a lot about yourself, you know?

01:21:59.020 See what things you were doing good, what things you weren't.

01:22:00.980 This relationship just wasn't supposed to be the one for you, you know, at least not

01:22:04.820 now.

01:22:05.740 She's out there on a different horizon, man, you know?

01:22:08.860 She likes ladies. 1.00

01:22:11.680 And so what you can't do is you can't be a woman. 0.94

01:22:14.660 And sometimes earth-shattering things are so valuable.

01:22:19.500 Like, this is going to sound really corny because I do Peloton, but my instructor the

01:22:23.100 other day said this.

01:22:23.980 She's like, on the other side of that pain is the growth, right?

01:22:27.620 It's just on the other side of that.

01:22:29.380 But, um, and I usually hate like Instagram mantras of that sort, but it makes sense.

01:22:35.460 Yeah.

01:22:35.920 And it's necessary.

01:22:37.060 And, um, while I feel for you, I also congratulate you on the growth.

01:22:41.960 Yeah, man.

01:22:42.880 Yeah.

01:22:43.240 The discomfort, that's where it's going to be wild, man, is when you're feeling, it's

01:22:47.420 taking control of that discomfort.

01:22:48.640 When you feel bad, go for a run, go do some things to keep your spirits up.

01:22:51.960 You know, this is a great chance for you to really babysit your own spirit.

01:22:54.580 Or, or if you don't feel inclined to go on a run and you want to cry it out for a week,

01:23:00.540 you get fat for a week, that's okay too.

01:23:02.300 Whatever it is.

01:23:03.100 Yeah.

01:23:03.260 Or cry and run, dude.

01:23:04.140 Like I used to do this.

01:23:05.200 Okay.

01:23:05.520 Do you cry and run?

01:23:06.200 Oh, I would listen to O-Town because I want it all or nothing at all.

01:23:09.160 Oh my God. 0.99

01:23:09.820 And literally cry my fucking face off. 0.99

01:23:12.940 Like I was cutting weight for a fight. 0.99

01:23:15.240 Cause I want it all or nothing at all.

01:23:20.580 When there's no one left to fall and you reach the bottom, it's now or never.

01:23:26.780 Oh my God.

01:23:27.260 I love O-Town.

01:23:28.600 God.

01:23:29.460 Wait, they didn't sing that Abercrombie song.

01:23:31.260 That was LFO.

01:23:33.200 Oh yeah.

01:23:33.760 Remember that?

01:23:34.460 Yeah, that was too much.

01:23:35.320 But there you go right there.

01:23:36.140 Ashley Parker Angel.

01:23:37.060 Let's look at, go down a little bit.

01:23:38.700 There's a picture of him with a skunk.

01:23:40.640 What is that?

01:23:42.940 Oh my God.

01:23:43.900 He's a Fitspo model now.

01:23:45.740 Is he?

01:23:46.240 What's that one picture over there with the semi-nudity? 0.91

01:23:48.560 Is that a little bit?

01:23:49.080 Yeah.

01:23:49.260 With his raging bone.

01:23:51.700 Does he have a bone now?

01:23:52.680 Oh my God.

01:23:54.700 With his dog.

01:23:55.100 And who's that little dog?

01:23:57.380 Oh my God.

01:23:58.940 Is that Trevor Penick?

01:24:02.140 I'm joking.

01:24:02.800 Shout out Trevor Penick, man.

01:24:03.820 Trevor I love.

01:24:04.520 I see him sometimes.

01:24:07.180 I saw Ashley not too long ago at my friend Matt's birthday party.

01:24:11.780 He's doing well.

01:24:12.640 He used to do one of the best impersonations of John Fitzgerald.

01:24:16.940 Not John Fitzgerald.

01:24:18.560 Who was the guy that was in, hey, don't you want to go?

01:24:23.720 No.

01:24:24.340 I don't know American references.

01:24:25.500 Don't you want to go to the dance tonight?

01:24:27.160 I don't know American references.

01:24:29.480 Hey, we'll be in the back.

01:24:31.620 Dice?

01:24:32.200 No, no, no, no.

01:24:32.900 That sounds like dice.

01:24:34.100 No, it doesn't.

01:24:36.300 Hey, we'll be, yeah, sure, babe.

01:24:38.720 You know what I'm talking about, the movie, Grease Lightning.

01:24:42.940 Oh, John Travolta's character?

01:24:44.160 John Travolta.

01:24:46.900 John Travolta.

01:24:48.120 He used to do one of the best John Travolta impersonations.

01:24:50.000 He could have just said Scientology or, you know.

01:24:53.800 Yeah, if I was doing Tom Cruise, I would have said that.

01:24:55.980 No, but he's a Scientologist.

01:24:57.700 Is he?

01:24:58.300 Yeah.

01:24:58.900 Here's his son right here, Lon Travolta.

01:25:02.960 Hey, Theo and Kalilah, it's Patrick from Melbourne.

01:25:05.360 Just a question for the lovely lady.

01:25:07.680 Whether there's something about the Philippines that you really miss, which America doesn't have.

01:25:13.200 And Theo, bro, love the podcast.

01:25:15.360 Huge support for us all.

01:25:16.640 Have found them getting rejected from women a lot more since listening to it.

01:25:20.240 But that's life, daddy, gang, gang.

01:25:22.140 It is, brother.

01:25:23.360 Welcome.

01:25:23.760 Welcome to the club.

01:25:26.740 But, hey, let us know when you do get it, Dame, bro.

01:25:28.940 We support your wins over here this past weekend, baby.

01:25:32.300 That's a great question.

01:25:33.380 And shout out Australia.

01:25:35.180 And when's Bobby going to Australia?

01:25:36.600 When are you guys going?

01:25:37.780 Is there a tour planned?

01:25:38.840 I got to ask right now.

01:25:39.660 Is there a tour planned ever for you guys?

01:25:41.760 There's a story about this.

01:25:43.520 I couldn't go back to Melbourne for a long time because there was a boy who wanted to kill me.

01:25:47.900 Oh, my God. 1.00

01:25:48.720 That's fucking sexy, man. 1.00

01:25:51.180 He actually threatened my life. 1.00

01:25:53.760 Yeah, look.

01:25:54.440 Because when he was the last guy that I briefly, briefly dated before getting with Bobby and he did not take it well.

01:26:04.040 And there were lots of – we're okay now, so I think that I can safely head back to Melbourne.

01:26:10.060 Yeah.

01:26:10.280 But, yeah, that was a situation for a long time.

01:26:15.540 Wow.

01:26:16.440 And he comes from, like, a family.

01:26:19.260 A prominent family?

01:26:19.980 With connections.

01:26:21.220 So I really believe the threat.

01:26:22.520 I thought I was going to be – yeah, fish bait.

01:26:26.380 Fish food.

01:26:28.320 But fish food's almost the ultimate romantic finish for a Filipino, I feel like. 0.99

01:26:32.460 Let me see.

01:26:33.120 Let me think about that.

01:26:34.220 Back into the tank of the Lord.

01:26:35.660 No, I don't want to be fish food.

01:26:40.040 Really?

01:26:40.380 I want to be the apex predator.

01:26:42.600 Would you rather be – imagine you want to – would you rather be fried or something at the end?

01:26:46.380 How do you want to go?

01:26:47.160 I really, really, really love this thing called dungit.

01:26:51.460 It's like – it's dried fish.

01:26:55.020 Oh, God.

01:26:55.660 And it smells real strong, but it's real crunchy, and you eat it with vinegar and a little bit of chili and rice.

01:27:01.140 Ooh.

01:27:01.980 Real good stuff.

01:27:03.220 That dungit, huh? 0.98

01:27:03.980 That dungit. 0.83

01:27:04.940 Yeah.

01:27:06.700 But I forgot what his question was, Nick.

01:27:09.100 Oh, it's – I don't see how you can even remember anything around each other.

01:27:13.320 What you liked about the Philippines.

01:27:15.020 Oh.

01:27:15.540 Or what you miss.

01:27:16.440 What do you like about the Philippines?

01:27:18.100 I honestly miss the people.

01:27:19.840 I do, too.

01:27:20.480 And I don't even know them.

01:27:21.280 And I believe that – now after talking to you, I believe that maybe my soulmate could be a Filipino woman or semi-Filipino or maybe from the Azores.

01:27:31.880 Azores is a place.

01:27:35.400 Or British or maybe – not British, but like Portugal. 0.59

01:27:41.860 Portugal.

01:27:42.840 Actually, no.

01:27:43.860 Mm-mm.

01:27:44.440 I think Filipina.

01:27:46.260 That's what I need.

01:27:47.160 The thing I miss most about the Philippines are – 1.00

01:27:49.220 Susan, lucky, Linda.

01:27:51.280 I have – go further.

01:27:53.760 Really?

01:27:53.840 We have Cinderella, Apple, Twinkle.

01:27:55.920 Cinderella is a name?

01:27:56.980 Yeah.

01:27:57.240 All girls I grew up with.

01:27:58.320 Manny Pacquiao named his daughter Queen Elizabeth.

01:28:00.660 Oh, that's beautiful.

01:28:02.220 That is beautiful.

01:28:03.440 See, that's what I want in my life.

01:28:04.980 Who doesn't want a Queen Elizabeth? 1.00

01:28:06.240 That's what I'm saying.

01:28:06.720 Filipinos are so fun.

01:28:07.680 Who doesn't want a little Chipotle as your girlfriend? 1.00

01:28:09.660 You know that during the pandemic, a Filipino named their kid COVID Bryant.

01:28:13.880 Oh, that's awesome.

01:28:15.360 That's a real name on a birth certificate.

01:28:18.180 See, that's what I love about Filipinos.

01:28:19.800 It's just like a beautiful wander through existence.

01:28:22.680 It's not this – every day doesn't have to be this death-defying act, you know?

01:28:28.140 Here's a video right here.

01:28:29.420 You had to pick one person to be the ambassador for the human race to meet aliens.

01:28:32.960 Who would it be?

01:28:33.620 Oh, this is good.

01:28:35.780 I'd probably pick – probably a Filipino, dude. 1.00

01:28:42.240 I'm really impacted by Filipinos.

01:28:44.240 They're happy.

01:28:44.860 They're joyous.

01:28:45.600 You know, they call them the smiling people somewhere on the internet.

01:28:49.680 That's true.

01:28:50.620 And every Filipino I meet, they're real gracious.

01:28:52.640 They do a lot of senior care centers, hospice.

01:28:55.720 So –

01:28:56.200 Death jockeys. 0.99

01:28:56.700 You don't fucking – who else are you going to send out there, dude? 1.00

01:28:58.860 You know what I'm saying? 1.00

01:28:59.860 A fucking drunk – you know, somebody from Scotland. 1.00

01:29:03.100 No, somebody on Coke. 1.00

01:29:04.660 You can't do any of that.

01:29:05.600 You've got to send somebody who is caring, I think.

01:29:09.220 Oh, that's sweet.

01:29:10.320 Filipinos all the way.

01:29:12.000 Yeah.

01:29:12.220 There's nothing – when you go, because you're going to come with us the next time we go, right?

01:29:16.380 Okay.

01:29:16.940 And who's us?

01:29:18.060 Us.

01:29:18.800 Bobby, the family.

01:29:20.540 I'd love to go.

01:29:21.680 Are y'all going to go?

01:29:23.120 Yeah, we went there two years.

01:29:24.420 George went there.

01:29:25.460 Really?

01:29:26.140 Yeah.

01:29:26.480 Oh, yeah.

01:29:27.280 Wow.

01:29:28.000 People are nice – not just nice, and I shouldn't say that because, you know, it's like there's a long history of, like, us being, like, held down and colonized by the Spanish for 300 years. 1.00

01:29:35.780 Oh, fuck, damn. 0.99

01:29:36.240 There is, like, a colonial mentality of we are less, we might be less. 1.00

01:29:41.580 Let's kind of, you know, revere the white man a little bit.

01:29:44.400 But while there is that, there is more collective joy in that third world country than I feel in America.

01:29:51.960 Oh, in a heartbeat.

01:29:53.320 Especially in Los Angeles, though.

01:29:55.260 Like, if you get out of Los Angeles, I think you feel there's a lot more comfort out in America than there is here.

01:30:00.420 I believe that.

01:30:01.280 Maybe.

01:30:02.000 I haven't been around America a lot.

01:30:04.780 Like, I'm an L.A. kid.

01:30:05.880 I love it here.

01:30:06.820 It has always felt like home, and that's what I don't – like, the misconception about L.A. is that Hollywood is L.A.

01:30:12.960 Right.

01:30:13.340 All my friends don't belong in that industry.

01:30:15.300 All my friends are – they have regular jobs.

01:30:18.620 They're – like, that's how – that's why, like, my heart will always belong here.

01:30:23.360 Yeah.

01:30:23.580 Because it wasn't until I met Bobby that I was introduced to this other part of L.A.

01:30:28.220 Yeah.

01:30:28.780 And there's a lot of delusion and a lot of out-of-touchness.

01:30:33.120 Right.

01:30:33.360 L.A. gets a bad rap.

01:30:34.700 Yes.

01:30:35.200 L.A. does get a bad rap because it's just Hollywood, yeah.

01:30:37.720 And it's not that.

01:30:38.040 Because Hollywood has the most control over the media and the power stuff. 0.73

01:30:40.620 But you go on, like, what's the podcast with David So and –

01:30:43.560 J.K. News. 0.83

01:30:44.380 Yeah, you go on J.K. News, and immediately – that's where I – that's one of the first places I realized, oh, my God, there's a ton of people who think just like I do, who are different cultures, who aren't Hollywood-style people, who are fucking awesome. 0.74

01:30:56.600 And this is like L.A.

01:30:58.200 Like, this is a vibe of people that's more like L.A.

01:31:00.640 Yeah, and it's unfortunate that – let's say, for instance, someone like you, because this is all – this is your job.

01:31:06.740 You can't escape this part of L.A.

01:31:08.960 That's the perception you get of it.

01:31:10.520 But, you know, it's such a vast city with just so much, like, just so many cool things about it.

01:31:16.380 So I'm Chavez Ravine for life.

01:31:18.360 I love L.A.

01:31:20.000 Chavez Ravine, baby.

01:31:20.980 Walker Bueller, baby.

01:31:22.460 I love Walker Bueller.

01:31:23.740 Julio Ordeas.

01:31:25.300 Ugh.

01:31:26.540 Are you a Dodger fan at least?

01:31:28.160 Yeah.

01:31:28.760 I saw you wear the Dodger jersey, and I got excited.

01:31:31.140 I am a Walker Bueller fan.

01:31:34.180 I am –

01:31:35.480 You had him on your show.

01:31:36.580 I saw him.

01:31:36.820 I did.

01:31:37.080 I'm also – I think I'm a fan of a couple of players that I know, so –

01:31:41.600 Are you just a fan of players, not teams?

01:31:43.500 I think so, kind of.

01:31:44.640 I mean, I'm a Louisiana fan, and we don't have a team, you know.

01:31:46.920 We got a lot of, like – you know, the Pelicans are our newest team in the basketball.

01:31:51.240 But I like the Dodgers, man, and I love their – I think – I love what they got going on this season,

01:31:56.160 especially against the Padres.

01:31:57.360 It's just such a great matchup.

01:31:59.280 And Mike Clevenger is a buddy of mine.

01:32:01.360 He pitches at the Padres.

01:32:02.900 And Joe Musgrove, who just had that no-hitter, like, two weeks ago, who gets to pitch in his home –

01:32:09.240 and back in his home environment.

01:32:10.300 Just, like, I don't know.

01:32:12.080 I'm always – I feel so blessed to know people that have, like, such cool stories

01:32:15.780 and just, like, to even have a moment of their life here or there to get to, like, know a little bit about them.

01:32:20.700 I just feel so fortunate.

01:32:22.960 It's the same way I feel about Bobby, man.

01:32:24.480 Every time I'm around Bobby, I want him to just be there forever, you know?

01:32:27.500 Yeah.

01:32:28.120 He can be there forever.

01:32:29.040 When he dies, I'm going to taxidermize.

01:32:31.780 Is that a word?

01:32:32.500 Taxidermize him?

01:32:33.260 Oh, I know a guy who will taxidermize him.

01:32:34.820 I will mount him.

01:32:35.900 Really?

01:32:36.240 In our bedroom wall.

01:32:38.900 What do you mean our bedroom?

01:32:40.400 Not our.

01:32:41.240 Okay.

01:32:41.480 Him and I's bedroom.

01:32:42.500 Yeah, that's what I'm saying.

01:32:43.400 We can mount him on our bedroom wall.

01:32:45.840 No, no, no.

01:32:46.380 I'm sleeping in my own bedroom, okay, no matter where I'm at.

01:32:49.820 Now, how about this, Theo?

01:32:51.200 Let's suppose I say, Theo, I want you in my life.

01:32:54.100 Let's see if this can work out.

01:32:55.560 Bobby has perished.

01:32:57.500 Okay.

01:32:58.300 Or Bobby's disappeared in another realm.

01:33:00.180 Into a different realm.

01:33:01.180 But he can still, what do you call that when you're astral projecting?

01:33:04.980 Oh, he can still hear us?

01:33:05.720 Back into his body that's been taxidermized on the wall.

01:33:09.960 And that's my only stipulation is that, Theo, I will let you into my life, but Bobby's body

01:33:14.300 stays in our love lair and he's looking over us like this.

01:33:18.420 Okay.

01:33:19.380 I would like to, if he's like this, I would like to put him in a diaper and put a bow

01:33:23.180 and arrow in his hand.

01:33:24.960 So he's like a Cupid.

01:33:26.040 Like he put us together.

01:33:28.820 So he believes that love should go on.

01:33:32.340 That's all I ask, you know, but I would never wish anything bad on him.

01:33:36.380 You know, I don't want that to be a thing.

01:33:38.940 I just hope that he's okay.

01:33:40.420 You know, he just lives such a risky lifestyle.

01:33:43.000 Well, why don't you tell him that?

01:33:44.120 Cause it, my words don't mean anything to him anymore.

01:33:46.460 I'll try to tell him I had that episode, the intervention episode about, and he had to

01:33:51.300 empty that huge bucket of urine that he'd been keeping in the house.

01:33:54.560 Oh, that's right.

01:33:56.020 You even had my stepdad on.

01:33:57.760 Richard.

01:33:58.860 Is his name Richard?

01:33:59.900 Roger.

01:34:00.100 Close enough.

01:34:00.380 Yeah.

01:34:00.740 He keeps changing his name.

01:34:02.720 Yeah.

01:34:03.040 But that guy was great, man.

01:34:04.260 I told my mom before I got here, I was like, where are you going?

01:34:06.300 I'm like, I'm going to see Theo.

01:34:07.120 I love Theo.

01:34:08.760 Yes.

01:34:09.380 Yeah.

01:34:09.860 God.

01:34:10.180 So you're in with a family already.

01:34:11.320 Oh, if anything ever happens to Richard, man, or Roger, any of them, any of her friends,

01:34:15.120 man, I am.

01:34:15.920 It's my stepdad.

01:34:16.620 I would be your stepdad.

01:34:18.860 I'm almost dressed like it today. 1.00

01:34:20.800 I could be a damn stepdad. 1.00

01:34:22.120 You are. 1.00

01:34:22.660 That's how he dresses to the airport.

01:34:23.880 He always looks like he's about to step into Wimbledon court.

01:34:26.180 Yeah.

01:34:26.720 Like, why are you bringing that?

01:34:28.240 He's just, he has a look.

01:34:29.860 He has great hair.

01:34:31.100 He, it's good.

01:34:33.560 He has good hair.

01:34:34.440 He's had good hair in, in his life.

01:34:36.860 In his life.

01:34:37.460 He's had good hair.

01:34:38.200 Roger.

01:34:38.800 God bless him.

01:34:39.720 God bless him.

01:34:40.260 God bless Roger.

01:34:41.140 Shout out, Roger.

01:34:42.480 I don't know.

01:34:43.200 We might, I don't know if we kind of covered everything.

01:34:44.600 We've got one more question right here from a young fella.

01:34:47.000 What up, Dio?

01:34:48.320 What up, Kalilah?

01:34:49.620 What up, gang?

01:34:50.980 What up, playboy?

01:34:52.280 All right.

01:34:52.720 What I want to know, Kalilah, is what is the most romantic thing that Bobby has ever done

01:34:59.540 for you?

01:35:01.180 Ever.

01:35:03.400 I like this.

01:35:04.180 Probably let her come on this podcast is what I was going to say, but that's just a joke.

01:35:09.320 That's a joke, and I need to quit joking.

01:35:12.380 Romance is not a strong suit.

01:35:13.800 Oh, don't tell me that.

01:35:16.200 It's not.

01:35:16.840 It just isn't, and it's something that I've come to terms with and don't expect.

01:35:22.160 He does a lot of great things.

01:35:24.940 He's very, how do I put this? 0.90

01:35:27.360 He sucks at romance. 1.00

01:35:28.820 He absolutely sucks at romance. 1.00

01:35:32.700 He got a guy, one of his friends, to buy me flowers for Valentine's Day. 0.98

01:35:37.000 Oh, that's good.

01:35:37.940 He didn't even hand them to me.

01:35:38.980 His friend handed them to me.

01:35:39.980 Oh, really?

01:35:41.100 Yeah.

01:35:41.400 I think he had Alex George say, hey, dude, whatever, I'll Venmo you right now, and he

01:35:45.920 was playing video games.

01:35:46.960 He was playing video games with Alex, and he was like, hey, dude, can you go out to the

01:35:51.640 first florist you see and just bring it to my door?

01:35:54.360 And that's how it, that's the extent of the romance.

01:35:59.420 And I think it comes from him not seeing it around in his life, whereas I just saw my

01:36:06.080 dad just go all out for my mom.

01:36:08.680 Really?

01:36:09.300 So it hurts me a little bit, but it's, you know, he makes up for it in other ways.

01:36:18.120 What would your dad do with your mom?

01:36:22.240 He was just so devoted.

01:36:23.720 This is why I have a hard time, this is what Bobby and I struggle with, because I'm like,

01:36:27.840 it's not that I want you to have 100% romance, have 2%, something.

01:36:32.940 Yeah.

01:36:35.040 But my dad would have dinner for my mom, like cook for her, write her poems, like wash

01:36:43.320 her underwear.

01:36:44.280 Oh, my God.

01:36:45.060 Hang it up on, you know, just hand wash her clothes. 1.00

01:36:47.940 You're talking about cup of money.

01:36:48.660 And when he was, you know, my dad was really old, but we didn't have a car when we, our

01:36:53.940 first couple of years in America, and my mom had to get to work. 1.00

01:36:57.880 He would do something like this, where he's like, you don't take the bus today.

01:37:00.660 He would call access vans, because he was eligible for a senior ride.

01:37:06.020 And he would, and mind you, he was a sick man, and he was dying, but he would order the

01:37:11.340 access van, get in the van with her to drop her off at work, so she wouldn't have to take 0.94

01:37:15.360 three buses there, and then wait another hour at her work to go back in an access van. 0.99

01:37:21.380 But that doesn't seem like a lot, but he was in his late 70s at this point.

01:37:27.240 But things like that, I saw, mattered to me, and had such a big effect on my life, and

01:37:34.720 Bobby didn't see that.

01:37:37.100 So I offer him grace in that way, because he wasn't as lucky to have it in his life, like

01:37:43.400 I did.

01:37:44.020 Yeah.

01:37:45.380 Hmm.

01:37:45.700 Yeah, that's pretty powerful, man.

01:37:48.260 I remember, yeah, my parents didn't have, like, a lot of stuff like that.

01:37:52.420 I saw my parents kiss one time at, like, a birthday.

01:37:54.860 How'd you feel?

01:37:55.920 And it was like my dad, like, kissed my mom on the head, I remember.

01:37:58.720 Up here or back here?

01:38:00.000 Back here.

01:38:01.100 Oh.

01:38:01.360 He was standing behind her.

01:38:02.440 It was okay.

01:38:03.080 It was fine, I guess.

01:38:03.860 Wait, how much younger was your mom?

01:38:05.400 I think she was 38 years.

01:38:07.540 38 years younger?

01:38:08.600 Yeah, 38 years younger.

01:38:09.220 My mom was 36 years younger. 0.97

01:38:11.480 Wow.

01:38:12.620 So we're twins.

01:38:13.840 Yeah.

01:38:14.740 Yeah, I did.

01:38:15.080 We're symbiotic.

01:38:16.120 Did your dad, did your mom carry on relationships with other men at all?

01:38:22.460 While they were seeing each other, you mean?

01:38:23.920 Yeah.

01:38:24.420 No, she didn't.

01:38:25.240 I think after they split up, she ended up meeting a man.

01:38:29.140 But, yeah, they just, I don't know, my dad always slept on the couch.

01:38:33.700 They just didn't have a vibe, you know?

01:38:35.320 So I think even now when I think about, like, being in separate places, being in separate

01:38:39.240 rooms, like, that kind of stuff feels normal to me, I guess, you know?

01:38:42.420 I think you don't realize how much those little things when you're a kid really, like, kind

01:38:46.380 of resonate with you, you know?

01:38:47.800 They do.

01:38:47.900 Like, the discomfort of, like, I think, yeah, maybe my mom had such discomfort with my dad

01:38:53.320 being around.

01:38:53.940 I don't know.

01:38:54.860 Maybe you're a lot more similar to Bobby in that regard.

01:38:57.620 Because while my parents were really, were very different ages, there was love there.

01:39:05.780 There was respect.

01:39:06.820 There was mutual devotion.

01:39:09.120 And from a distance, it looked like a 90-day fiancé situation gone wrong.

01:39:15.760 Like, rich old guy, because my dad was a rich guy. 1.00

01:39:18.860 Oh, damn. 1.00

01:39:19.420 Went back to the Philippines, got himself, like, a young Philippine hussy. 1.00

01:39:22.100 That wasn't the case.

01:39:22.920 Because my dad eventually lost all his money, and my mom never left his side.

01:39:27.820 Wow.

01:39:27.920 Till the day he died, all her friends were like, oh, does he have an inheritance? 0.99

01:39:31.280 And she's not a single fucking dime, because he was a poor gambler. 1.00

01:39:34.540 He fucked up all his investments. 0.99

01:39:36.300 But she, they were devoted to each other. 0.95

01:39:38.560 And that's where it becomes a situation where Bobby doesn't require certain things in a relationship,

01:39:45.080 and I do, because I yearn for that love they have.

01:39:49.460 Right.

01:39:49.600 Like, I yearn for that.

01:39:50.440 But it's nice that you're willing to at least, or it seems like you're brave enough to try

01:39:55.000 and make that for yourself, you know, even if it's not coming in 100% from the other person

01:40:00.040 exactly like you want it.

01:40:01.260 It can't, though.

01:40:02.180 Right.

01:40:03.360 My, I can't require Bobby to give me, he can't be my one-stop shop for everything.

01:40:10.400 Right.

01:40:10.640 I have friends for that.

01:40:11.820 I have a sister for that.

01:40:12.900 I have a mother for that. 1.00

01:40:14.480 Like, my emotional needs, you know, don't have to be tended to by this man.

01:40:19.220 Like, I have a whole community for that.

01:40:23.120 So, in that regard, I do tell him, like, hey, up your romance game a little bit.

01:40:27.680 Yeah.

01:40:27.820 I understand that you didn't grow up with Christmas trees or love, and that you got beat up a lot.

01:40:32.460 But this is what I need, and this is what I know you're able to give.

01:40:36.460 So, just give that 2%.

01:40:37.780 Right.

01:40:37.840 I'm happy with that 2%.

01:40:39.780 Right.

01:40:40.240 So, we're working on it.

01:40:41.680 Managing expectations.

01:40:42.880 Wow.

01:40:43.920 Well, we learned a lot about love here today, guys.

01:40:46.420 I feel like, you know, I really appreciate you coming in and just talking.

01:40:50.140 It's so nice to talk to a woman for a while and not have anybody, not there be any, like, no expectations or no, like, uncomfort, you know? 0.76

01:41:01.720 I mean, there's, like, some fun moments, but I didn't really feel any uncomfort, and, you know, I really feel like chatting with you is fun because it's, like, an environment where I can, like, learn a little, share a little.

01:41:10.760 I know our listeners really love it, so.

01:41:12.940 Thanks, Theo.

01:41:13.680 Yeah.

01:41:14.100 I'm really, really.

01:41:14.720 And should we just put it on record that we are not each other's side pieces?

01:41:20.180 Yeah.

01:41:20.440 Who would, I don't know who would ever think that.

01:41:21.940 So, stop writing me.

01:41:22.960 Nick's been putting it on those message boards, I think. 0.98

01:41:24.580 So, stop messaging me asking if Theo has eaten my butt, because he certainly hasn't. 0.96

01:41:31.200 Yeah. 0.98

01:41:32.020 And he'll tell you himself.

01:41:33.820 Yeah.

01:41:34.300 I mean, if I had, bro, I would know.

01:41:37.080 And he would be talking about it.

01:41:38.840 It's full of flavor.

01:41:40.340 Oh.

01:41:40.680 And he would, you would have.

01:41:42.780 It'd be, like, that blue ice vape, you know what I'm saying, bro?

01:41:45.060 That thing is a hitter. 1.00

01:41:47.680 You know that candy that leaves your tongue all blue?

01:41:50.120 Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

01:41:51.760 That's exactly what that is.

01:41:53.320 Oh, yeah.

01:41:53.960 That's nice, bro.

01:41:55.280 Well, that's what you should do. 1.00

01:41:56.200 You should put, like, that bank die, like they put on the money, on your butthole. 1.00

01:42:00.120 That way, people would know if I had been or not. 0.99

01:42:04.300 And right now, if we can just edit in a bunch of that blue die right now, this would be a 1.00

01:42:08.580 great place to end the episode.

01:42:12.640 Thanks for having me, Theo.

01:42:13.940 It's been a pleasure.

01:42:14.000 Thank you so much.

01:42:14.700 You guys, go check out Bloodbath with Kalilah and Annie Letterman and Esther Pavitsky.

01:42:20.640 Thank you.

01:42:22.700 On the breeze

01:42:24.080 And I feel I'm falling

01:42:25.660 Like these leaves

01:42:27.020 I must be

01:42:28.160 Cornerstone

01:42:30.340 Oh, but when I reach that ground

01:42:34.900 I'll share this peace of mind

01:42:37.060 I found I can feel it

01:42:39.120 In my bones

01:42:41.220 But it's gonna take

01:42:44.140 A little time

01:42:46.880 For me to set that parking brake

01:42:50.760 And let myself unwind

01:42:53.520 Shine that light on me

01:42:57.500 I'll sit and tell you my stories

01:43:03.240 Shine on me

01:43:08.180 And I will find a song

01:43:12.420 I will sing it just for you

01:43:15.840 And now I've been moving way too fast

01:43:23.380 On the runaway train

01:43:24.760 With a heavy load of my past

01:43:28.240 And these roads that I've been riding on

01:43:33.840 They're worn so thin that they're damn near gone

01:43:36.580 I guess now they just weren't built in

01:43:39.340 Thank you.

This Past Weekend with Theo Von - April 23, 2021

E336 Khalyla

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