This Past Weekend with Theo Von - E359 Ari Shaffir

00:00:00.000 All right, I got to let you know that autumn is in the air.

00:00:04.180 And that's not a woman in a hot air balloon. 1.00

00:00:06.240 That's a season, seasonal time we're in.

00:00:10.400 And it's time to get your body right.

00:00:12.160 Trim the hedges before snow comes.

00:00:14.380 And you got to use Manscaped.

00:00:16.040 Yep, trim up your bag, dog.

00:00:19.440 Get 20% off and free shipping by going to manscaped.com slash theo

00:00:23.760 for 20% off and free shipping. 0.99

00:00:27.100 Make your scrotum a priority. 0.95

00:00:29.440 Choose Manscaped, manscaped.com for 20% off and free shipping. 0.99

00:00:34.500 Today's episode is brought to you by that thirsty funeral, baby, liquid death.

00:00:41.480 You can go to theovon.com slash tour and grab tickets.

00:00:45.500 There's still some tickets available for Chattanooga, Knoxville, Durham,

00:00:51.900 as well, I believe, as Buffalo, New York.

00:00:54.540 We might be adding dates.

00:00:56.260 Return of the Rat Tour.

00:00:57.380 And thank you guys so much.

00:01:00.020 I'm excited to see you soon.

00:01:02.280 Today's guest is a survivor of cancel culture.

00:01:07.360 He's a...

00:01:08.820 He pushes the line.

00:01:12.600 Or does he?

00:01:13.720 Should anybody have to push the line?

00:01:17.100 Should there be a line?

00:01:18.040 We're going to talk about a lot of things.

00:01:22.300 This man let me stay at his apartment one time

00:01:24.380 when I was dealing with a little bit of a...

00:01:27.100 Addictory behavior.

00:01:30.460 He's long been a fixture in the stand-up comedy community.

00:01:34.360 He's the host of Skeptic Tank.

00:01:35.780 Today's guest is Ari Shafir.

00:01:38.440 Set that parking brake

00:01:40.960 And let myself unwind

00:01:43.720 Shine that light on me

00:01:47.700 I'll sit and tell you my stories

00:01:53.340 Shine on me

00:01:58.380 And I will find a song

00:02:02.580 I've been singing

00:02:03.780 Just so

00:02:05.360 You're not interested in going back, huh?

00:02:13.500 I mean, it's probably a deeper question

00:02:17.760 than just like a yes or no.

00:02:19.240 No, it's interesting.

00:02:20.140 Well, everybody started to kind of go.

00:02:22.360 Yeah.

00:02:23.100 So it's probably different now.

00:02:25.040 Yeah.

00:02:25.480 I mean, yeah.

00:02:26.040 Everybody like at COVID

00:02:27.140 I mean, I guess COVID for you

00:02:28.600 kind of started early in a weird way, you know?

00:02:30.340 Because you kind of like had a...

00:02:31.820 You had another break

00:02:32.780 and then everybody else got on this crazy break

00:02:35.100 and it's like...

00:02:35.960 Yeah.

00:02:36.860 They...

00:02:37.500 Yeah, Rogan was like 0.99

00:02:39.620 You know, LA sucks. 0.99

00:02:41.660 It's over. 0.99

00:02:42.060 And I'm like, you're just finding that out now?

00:02:44.560 Yeah.

00:02:45.160 I'm like, dude, I left 10 years ago, dude. 1.00

00:02:47.460 Yeah, it's full of fucking actors, man. 1.00

00:02:49.220 Everybody sucks there. 1.00

00:02:50.320 That's true. 0.98

00:02:51.660 Yeah, you've always been kind of that brave

00:02:53.560 in that space to like kind of

00:02:55.280 manage your own time differently.

00:02:58.160 I feel like that's one thing

00:02:58.920 I've always admired about you

00:03:00.220 is that you always manage your time

00:03:01.440 like in a way where it's not like

00:03:02.620 you're not as succumbed to

00:03:05.060 whatever that little...

00:03:07.900 It's almost like watching a fuse on a dynamite

00:03:09.800 being in LA.

00:03:10.420 It's like you don't really know

00:03:11.840 what you're waiting for

00:03:13.440 but you're milling around.

00:03:15.520 You feel like you're just

00:03:16.220 in this eternal lobby.

00:03:17.800 Yeah, somebody told me like

00:03:18.560 the war on drugs

00:03:20.100 and the war on terror

00:03:20.800 are both weird ones

00:03:21.740 because like you'll never win it.

00:03:23.720 You're never going to get a surrender

00:03:24.700 from drugs.

00:03:25.440 Yeah.

00:03:25.860 You know?

00:03:26.440 Like, all right, we'll stop.

00:03:27.820 You know?

00:03:28.840 Same with terror.

00:03:29.660 There might just be like one guy out there

00:03:31.220 but he's like still like...

00:03:32.420 So it's never over.

00:03:34.140 Same thing with like

00:03:34.880 trying to get fame 0.99

00:03:35.720 or whatever the fuck you're chasing in LA. 0.99

00:03:37.540 It's like it's never done. 0.99

00:03:39.240 Yeah.

00:03:39.660 You're never at the top.

00:03:41.500 Yeah, you're never at the top.

00:03:42.740 Even as you meet celebrities

00:03:43.580 you realize there are higher up people you admire.

00:03:47.100 They're as scared as anybody too.

00:03:48.580 Dude, I've seen like high level

00:03:50.160 like comedians and actors

00:03:51.420 like taking those like 0.91

00:03:53.000 like needy pictures with other celebrities.

00:03:56.480 Yeah.

00:03:56.820 Like look at it.

00:03:57.460 I'm like you're still climbing?

00:03:59.000 Yeah.

00:03:59.540 You're not at ease?

00:04:00.660 Yeah. 1.00

00:04:01.320 Fuck. 1.00

00:04:01.720 Yeah, definitely. 1.00

00:04:04.020 It's a...

00:04:04.900 And I think a lot of that

00:04:05.940 being more exposed kind of these days

00:04:07.700 I think people see it more

00:04:08.940 and it's...

00:04:09.460 I think the younger generation

00:04:11.300 they can...

00:04:11.840 Their cameras on...

00:04:13.040 I mean they have it with them.

00:04:14.580 But I've always really I think

00:04:15.980 been envious of the guys

00:04:17.320 that live in New York

00:04:18.480 or guys that are able

00:04:21.060 to just take a break

00:04:22.020 and be like

00:04:22.280 all right, I'm going to do this

00:04:23.500 for four months.

00:04:24.160 I'm going to be here.

00:04:25.240 You know?

00:04:25.840 Yeah.

00:04:26.480 But being here

00:04:27.300 some things that it's been like

00:04:28.480 it's given me...

00:04:29.940 Well, I have a chance

00:04:30.580 to have a home for the first time

00:04:31.700 so I have a house.

00:04:32.320 So that's kind of...

00:04:32.900 Oh, yeah, yeah.

00:04:33.040 It's a little interesting.

00:04:34.520 Yeah, Big Jay was talking about that.

00:04:35.500 I was like

00:04:35.760 can I just live like a human?

00:04:37.280 Have I not earned the right now?

00:04:38.840 Yeah.

00:04:39.080 Not in New York.

00:04:39.880 Nah, dude.

00:04:41.220 Yeah, New York.

00:04:41.920 Yeah, I don't know

00:04:42.260 if you ever can in New York.

00:04:43.420 I asked the crowd of Zanies. 0.99

00:04:44.480 I was telling some joke

00:04:45.340 about somebody banging

00:04:45.980 with a broom handle on my floor.

00:04:48.480 The downstairs neighbors.

00:04:49.700 Oh, yeah, yeah.

00:04:49.980 I was like

00:04:50.200 you guys live in apartments

00:04:50.940 and like two people clapped.

00:04:51.980 I'm like

00:04:52.220 oh, that's right.

00:04:52.860 You guys are humans here. 1.00

00:04:54.220 You know, live like fucking rats 1.00

00:04:55.980 for way too expensive 1.00

00:04:57.520 just for the proximity to Broadway.

00:05:00.620 Yeah.

00:05:01.660 Yeah, I don't know

00:05:03.300 what I think about...

00:05:04.960 One thing that's like...

00:05:06.300 What are some things

00:05:06.940 that's interesting

00:05:07.440 about living here?

00:05:09.780 You get into more conversation

00:05:11.700 like the guy...

00:05:13.040 Sorry, we need to get a table

00:05:14.000 on the other side.

00:05:15.300 We can't get it.

00:05:16.160 No, that's all right.

00:05:16.560 I'm joking around.

00:05:17.600 Oh, you are?

00:05:18.180 I got to go with this hand.

00:05:19.040 Oh, it's funny

00:05:19.540 because every time we have a guest

00:05:20.400 I'll watch them

00:05:21.220 literally have to drink like this.

00:05:22.460 They don't know how to do this.

00:05:23.320 So we got to get that table, yeah.

00:05:24.540 We'll just...

00:05:25.800 Yeah.

00:05:26.560 We don't have two tables.

00:05:30.220 It's erroneous.

00:05:31.720 It is.

00:05:32.100 You built up this whole studio.

00:05:33.220 You would think

00:05:33.620 the second table

00:05:34.380 would not be the thing

00:05:35.060 holding you back.

00:05:36.200 Unbelievable.

00:05:37.480 Unbelievable.

00:05:38.580 But that's Sean.

00:05:39.340 You know, Sean is our producer

00:05:40.360 and he does a lot.

00:05:41.160 And he's a swacker.

00:05:41.760 He's table light.

00:05:42.820 Yeah, he's table light

00:05:43.660 but he's everything else heavy.

00:05:44.920 And he looks like George Washington.

00:05:46.060 Look at him.

00:05:46.580 Let me see.

00:05:47.600 Yeah, a little bit.

00:05:48.300 Young George Washington.

00:05:49.820 Remember when they said

00:05:50.320 George Washington

00:05:50.920 could not tell a lie?

00:05:52.780 Yeah.

00:05:53.400 You believe that?

00:05:54.540 I did when I was little.

00:05:56.160 He had autism.

00:05:57.200 That's all that means,

00:05:57.820 I feel like.

00:05:58.360 Yeah, maybe.

00:05:58.980 Yeah.

00:05:59.580 Yeah, he's like Autistic Thunder.

00:06:02.020 Yeah, he's like that guy

00:06:02.660 Josh at the comments.

00:06:03.600 Remember, you're like,

00:06:04.040 am I funny?

00:06:04.480 And he's like,

00:06:04.840 I'm not that funny.

00:06:05.660 I cannot tell a lie.

00:06:06.880 Your shirt's wrong.

00:06:08.760 He'd always say it too.

00:06:09.760 He'd always be so loud.

00:06:10.600 He'd be like,

00:06:10.880 that chick is hot. 1.00

00:06:11.840 I'm like, dude,

00:06:12.440 she's here.

00:06:14.440 Yeah, and she just got 0.99

00:06:15.760 a sex change, bro.

00:06:16.600 So let's,

00:06:18.080 she appreciates it.

00:06:19.740 Bail off the pronouns. 0.53

00:06:23.380 So yeah,

00:06:23.920 I'm just,

00:06:24.220 I'm trying to really

00:06:24.840 rack my brain.

00:06:25.400 Like,

00:06:25.540 what is some things

00:06:26.100 that I think about?

00:06:27.940 One thing that's hard here

00:06:28.940 that's really hard

00:06:29.520 is getting stage time.

00:06:30.440 So it's almost like

00:06:31.440 if I really want to

00:06:32.160 practice some comedy,

00:06:32.980 I have to go back to LA

00:06:34.000 for a couple weeks

00:06:34.900 and really set up

00:06:36.100 a lot of shows.

00:06:36.700 There's just not

00:06:37.400 a lot of time here.

00:06:38.520 Your problem too

00:06:39.060 is like you're getting

00:06:39.680 famous now.

00:06:40.460 So like,

00:06:41.160 you're not,

00:06:41.620 I'm sure it's harder

00:06:42.340 to come by honest workouts.

00:06:45.000 Yeah,

00:06:45.460 the shows here

00:06:47.080 feel like it's a,

00:06:47.720 it does feel like

00:06:48.360 it's a road show

00:06:49.100 kind of sometimes.

00:06:51.060 I stopped into 0.99

00:06:51.820 a fucking red band show 1.00

00:06:52.720 in Austin. 1.00

00:06:53.540 Yeah,

00:06:53.760 what was that like?

00:06:54.560 It was great,

00:06:55.320 but I'm like,

00:06:55.780 this isn't,

00:06:56.300 this is not going

00:06:56.780 to ever be a workout.

00:06:58.240 They're already converted.

00:06:59.640 Right,

00:06:59.960 it feels like a,

00:07:00.720 like a who's who room.

00:07:02.140 Yeah.

00:07:02.540 Oh,

00:07:02.700 I bet down there.

00:07:03.800 I just stand,

00:07:04.260 you might get some people

00:07:04.920 who like recognize you,

00:07:05.840 but most people would just like,

00:07:06.740 next.

00:07:07.720 Right.

00:07:08.280 You know?

00:07:09.000 Yeah,

00:07:09.240 LA and LA still feels like that too.

00:07:10.940 Even when I'm there,

00:07:11.460 it's like nothing.

00:07:12.400 Everybody just feels like

00:07:13.340 you're working out comedy.

00:07:14.500 Yeah,

00:07:14.720 that's good.

00:07:15.480 Yeah.

00:07:15.680 I guess there's enough

00:07:16.280 big famous people there too,

00:07:17.360 where it's not like super special.

00:07:19.240 Well,

00:07:19.660 nobody's that special

00:07:20.700 unless you're like J-Lo or.

00:07:23.240 Is J-Lo doing standup now?

00:07:24.180 I don't know,

00:07:24.960 probably.

00:07:25.540 J-Lo,

00:07:26.040 she's done.

00:07:26.600 Is she dead?

00:07:27.480 She's like 80 now.

00:07:29.040 That's like me.

00:07:29.680 All my references are like

00:07:30.680 big people from like 1997.

00:07:32.380 Oh,

00:07:32.400 that's a sad,

00:07:33.040 that's the toughest thing

00:07:33.760 about trying to talk to girls.

00:07:35.400 You know,

00:07:36.400 if like,

00:07:36.920 if a girl's like 27 or 28,

00:07:38.760 and you're like,

00:07:39.960 uh,

00:07:40.480 have you seen this movie?

00:07:42.060 Dude,

00:07:42.380 I was telling somebody,

00:07:43.320 it was in college,

00:07:44.060 I was like,

00:07:44.500 uh,

00:07:44.720 graduating.

00:07:46.120 And I was like,

00:07:46.820 uh,

00:07:47.720 hey,

00:07:48.040 throw on,

00:07:48.580 uh,

00:07:48.980 Asher Roth,

00:07:49.640 like,

00:07:49.900 uh,

00:07:50.040 I love college.

00:07:50.900 Yeah.

00:07:51.140 And he's like,

00:07:51.460 all right,

00:07:51.720 grandpa.

00:07:52.260 I'm like,

00:07:52.580 wait,

00:07:52.860 what?

00:07:53.280 That was after my time.

00:07:55.760 Yeah,

00:07:56.080 it's hard.

00:07:56.500 I hate to make references.

00:07:57.520 I had,

00:07:57.800 I took a girl on a date one night

00:07:59.080 and I showed her my music app

00:08:00.420 and it was Apple music.

00:08:01.360 She was use,

00:08:02.100 she's like,

00:08:02.420 use iMusic.

00:08:03.320 Like you don't even have Spotify

00:08:04.880 and literally every part of me

00:08:07.120 that had any confidence 0.97

00:08:08.080 fucking jumped in front of my own vehicle. 1.00

00:08:11.040 Damn. 1.00

00:08:11.540 That's dark. 1.00

00:08:12.040 And you're like,

00:08:12.380 well,

00:08:12.560 yeah,

00:08:12.760 I'm older than you.

00:08:13.740 Yeah.

00:08:14.440 What do you mean?

00:08:14.860 Why are you even here with me?

00:08:16.560 You're into it. 1.00

00:08:17.460 Fucking dumb bitch. 1.00

00:08:18.800 Don't act like you're better than this. 1.00

00:08:21.540 Um,

00:08:22.400 what's been going on,

00:08:23.380 man?

00:08:23.480 And so you've been,

00:08:24.840 you've been,

00:08:25.400 I see you got the,

00:08:26.260 you got a new tour going right now.

00:08:27.920 Yeah.

00:08:28.740 Um,

00:08:29.460 yeah,

00:08:29.640 I saw that post the other day,

00:08:30.580 the one you did,

00:08:31.060 the Brody Stevens,

00:08:32.060 a swingers tour,

00:08:32.920 whatever.

00:08:33.900 That was a tough one.

00:08:34.940 Oh,

00:08:35.460 I put it out to the audience.

00:08:36.720 I was like,

00:08:37.060 you made my tour.

00:08:37.780 And then some of them,

00:08:38.460 I'm like, 1.00

00:08:38.800 God damn you guys. 1.00

00:08:39.980 Fuck you. 1.00

00:08:41.180 But if it's funny, 1.00

00:08:42.240 I'll like,

00:08:42.620 I'll post it.

00:08:43.420 I'll,

00:08:43.720 you know,

00:08:44.640 got honor the comedy,

00:08:45.660 but do you feel like you have more of like a carte blanche?

00:08:48.280 Like,

00:08:48.640 uh,

00:08:49.320 like I was watching Louie special where he's like cats,

00:08:53.700 uh,

00:08:54.880 Louie,

00:08:55.420 uh,

00:08:56.440 CK.

00:08:57.440 Oh yeah.

00:08:58.120 Sorry.

00:08:58.560 Yeah.

00:08:58.880 Louis CK.

00:08:59.520 So the one online,

00:09:00.860 the one that's on the internet and he was talking about,

00:09:03.700 uh,

00:09:05.520 Oh, 0.99

00:09:06.080 how once everybody knows what your sexual perversions are, 0.74

00:09:09.240 you're kind of free in a way.

00:09:10.480 Like,

00:09:11.200 like he felt so in a weird way,

00:09:12.980 he felt so free now because he could kind of,

00:09:15.360 you know,

00:09:15.720 like his,

00:09:17.640 like his moment, 0.99

00:09:18.540 like the world had seen his butthole, 1.00

00:09:20.460 his proverbial butthole. 0.99

00:09:21.500 Right. 0.99

00:09:21.720 So you don't have to pretend like he's a gentleman.

00:09:23.560 Right.

00:09:24.500 Right.

00:09:24.940 So a lot of the preferred nomenclatures or whatever were had,

00:09:27.520 you know,

00:09:28.440 were disappeared. 1.00

00:09:29.020 He could just be the asshole he is if he wants to be. 1.00

00:09:31.580 Do you feel like any, 1.00

00:09:33.000 like,

00:09:34.140 do you feel any,

00:09:35.060 like,

00:09:35.240 do you feel like you have like,

00:09:37.220 what is that?

00:09:38.280 Any of that feel like,

00:09:38.980 like if you,

00:09:39.660 do you feel like you need to put out something edgy now?

00:09:42.060 Or do you feel like you can just,

00:09:43.160 yeah,

00:09:43.260 some people are like,

00:09:43.880 oh,

00:09:44.100 you're just edgy.

00:09:44.700 But I'm like,

00:09:44.960 no,

00:09:45.100 no,

00:09:45.180 some of it's edgy.

00:09:45.980 I do puns also.

00:09:47.200 Yeah.

00:09:47.340 I'll do some clean jokes.

00:09:48.280 I'd like to mix it up,

00:09:49.140 you know,

00:09:49.720 but then the edginess isn't going to make them walk out on me.

00:09:52.060 Right.

00:09:52.400 Because they're already like,

00:09:53.700 they're there for it too.

00:09:54.760 Yeah.

00:09:55.180 You know,

00:09:55.680 anyone who's at a club,

00:09:56.840 at a downstairs basement club or dingy,

00:09:59.660 it's like, 0.96

00:10:00.020 they're degenerates, 1.00

00:10:01.080 they're drug addicts and fucking sexual perverts. 1.00

00:10:03.360 They're not going to be fucking, 1.00

00:10:04.520 oh, 0.99

00:10:04.680 this is too far.

00:10:05.500 Yeah.

00:10:05.680 And if they are like,

00:10:06.780 it's all right,

00:10:07.140 man,

00:10:07.320 you weren't supposed to be here,

00:10:08.460 but come back next week.

00:10:10.260 Yeah.

00:10:10.480 That's a good point.

00:10:11.560 Yeah.

00:10:12.320 Yeah.

00:10:12.680 There's always this hypothetical creature that I'm performing to.

00:10:17.280 That's not even really in my audience.

00:10:19.220 Yeah.

00:10:19.520 But you're so worried that they're going to be turned off.

00:10:21.460 Yeah.

00:10:21.700 This is crazy.

00:10:22.340 I would hold you back.

00:10:23.120 The guy who's not there.

00:10:24.280 Remember when,

00:10:24.800 like you remember the old store when there were like 10 people in the audience at like nine 30,

00:10:30.060 like prime.

00:10:30.980 It was still like no show.

00:10:32.260 Really?

00:10:32.360 Tommy was doing music and doing,

00:10:34.080 yeah.

00:10:34.220 Writing sheet music.

00:10:35.100 I remember walking up one night,

00:10:36.240 he's writing out sheet music.

00:10:37.680 I'm like,

00:10:37.940 this place is not going to do well.

00:10:39.520 You got to get Tommy on this podcast.

00:10:41.300 Oh,

00:10:41.660 that'd be beautiful.

00:10:41.760 You got to fly him out.

00:10:42.840 Yeah.

00:10:43.280 I would have him out.

00:10:44.420 Yeah.

00:10:46.320 What was I going to say?

00:10:47.260 Oh,

00:10:47.360 you were saying.

00:10:48.200 Oh,

00:10:48.360 yeah.

00:10:48.680 But people,

00:10:49.180 comics are all be like,

00:10:49.800 there's no crowd here.

00:10:50.860 And I'm like,

00:10:51.120 you're talking to the people who are here.

00:10:53.080 Right.

00:10:53.440 You're talking to the wrong people.

00:10:54.680 You're yelling at the empty chairs,

00:10:56.060 but like,

00:10:56.920 they're not going to hear you.

00:10:57.760 It's only the full chairs.

00:10:59.720 Yeah.

00:11:00.040 It's weird how you worry about like,

00:11:01.600 you've gone up at the cellar,

00:11:02.900 right?

00:11:03.500 So like,

00:11:03.920 yeah,

00:11:04.580 everybody's worried about what they're doing at the olive tree cafe.

00:11:07.420 Instead of what they might think up there,

00:11:09.260 the people who are going to go to the bathroom instead of like,

00:11:11.000 this audience is down for anything.

00:11:12.540 Yeah.

00:11:12.880 And then you're worried about like,

00:11:14.580 I don't know what getting out to people who aren't supposed to be

00:11:16.920 listening to it.

00:11:18.580 Yeah.

00:11:19.120 It's,

00:11:19.260 yeah,

00:11:19.460 it's like,

00:11:19.960 it is,

00:11:20.360 there's this myth,

00:11:20.980 it's the same thing that keeps you in LA in a weird way.

00:11:23.760 It's that,

00:11:24.160 it's a mythological,

00:11:25.440 like,

00:11:27.900 or,

00:11:28.480 or is it that,

00:11:29.240 or is it this thing in my head?

00:11:30.480 That's always like,

00:11:31.140 man,

00:11:31.280 I always want everybody to like me.

00:11:33.180 So maybe it's that,

00:11:34.420 maybe it's that.

00:11:34.900 So you worry about the ones who don't or might not.

00:11:36.820 Right.

00:11:37.300 But,

00:11:38.940 because it gets on,

00:11:40.160 it used to be manageable when you were a kid and you're like in your group at

00:11:43.060 school or something.

00:11:43.760 And like,

00:11:44.180 you could see maybe the one or two kids,

00:11:45.680 it was more manageable.

00:11:46.600 Yeah.

00:11:46.920 But back then too,

00:11:47.980 it was like,

00:11:48.200 you had to have a reason to not like somebody.

00:11:49.860 They had to do something wrong to you.

00:11:51.800 Right.

00:11:52.180 You know?

00:11:52.760 And then at some point when you hit college or something,

00:11:54.540 you're like,

00:11:54.800 oh,

00:11:54.900 I can just not like people.

00:11:56.120 Yeah.

00:11:56.320 And then you realize like,

00:11:57.360 they can just not like me.

00:11:58.620 It's all right.

00:11:59.460 But it is cool.

00:12:00.380 I started like,

00:12:01.080 I changed to the point where I'm like the ones who would like hate that style of

00:12:05.180 comedy,

00:12:05.640 fun,

00:12:06.280 like offensive,

00:12:07.460 or like just on the line,

00:12:08.920 you know,

00:12:09.500 I started to like,

00:12:11.100 and the fans too,

00:12:11.860 started to enjoy their anger instead of being worried about it.

00:12:15.020 Did you?

00:12:15.540 Yeah.

00:12:15.900 Because we're like, 1.00

00:12:16.620 you're such a fucking dork. 1.00

00:12:18.220 It's great. 1.00

00:12:19.400 And everyone's like,

00:12:20.000 everyone's having a good time.

00:12:21.360 You know,

00:12:21.540 you ever had a show and you get some guy like mad at you.

00:12:23.680 I did a nine 11 joke a couple of weeks ago in Providence and I'm just getting back into

00:12:27.180 like really enjoying standup.

00:12:28.760 I'm not preparing for anything.

00:12:29.840 So I'm like,

00:12:30.700 I got material,

00:12:31.440 but like there were like six kids from Brown University in the front row.

00:12:34.620 So I'm like, 0.99

00:12:35.020 fuck the material for a second. 1.00

00:12:35.780 Let me fuck around, 1.00

00:12:36.440 you know, 1.00

00:12:36.800 have a good time.

00:12:38.020 Yeah.

00:12:38.480 It's some guy on the nine 11 joke.

00:12:39.860 It's like,

00:12:39.980 Hey, 1.00

00:12:40.120 fuck you, 1.00

00:12:40.560 man. 1.00

00:12:41.180 And I was like,

00:12:42.140 what,

00:12:42.500 what's the matter?

00:12:43.180 And he was like,

00:12:43.840 your delivery's off.

00:12:45.100 And then I was like,

00:12:45.860 what do you,

00:12:46.220 what do you mean?

00:12:46.460 Like the speed at which I'm talking or like,

00:12:48.640 or like the material.

00:12:49.900 Yeah.

00:12:50.220 He was like,

00:12:51.020 the material.

00:12:52.540 It's not really delivery.

00:12:53.860 It's more content,

00:12:55.080 but I get what you're saying.

00:12:55.980 It's DiGiorno dude.

00:12:57.160 Yeah. 1.00

00:12:57.880 Get your shit together. 0.99

00:12:59.800 But it's like, 0.99

00:13:00.720 but it's like,

00:13:01.480 I was like,

00:13:01.980 you must be extra mad that everybody else is enjoying it.

00:13:04.800 Yeah.

00:13:05.380 And like those people,

00:13:06.340 everybody here's laughing.

00:13:07.700 The comic or whatever is prepared to make these people laugh.

00:13:10.440 Right.

00:13:10.720 They're enjoying it.

00:13:11.960 And you're not just not enjoying it.

00:13:13.860 You're angry.

00:13:14.700 Yeah.

00:13:15.280 It's like,

00:13:15.900 of course I'm going to laugh at you. 1.00

00:13:17.420 You fucking dorks. 1.00

00:13:18.780 And there might be thousands of them, 1.00

00:13:20.180 but it doesn't matter. 1.00

00:13:20.880 They're dorks. 0.99

00:13:21.540 Yeah. 0.99

00:13:22.480 Yeah.

00:13:23.000 I think it's a lot.

00:13:24.700 Like that's also a choice too,

00:13:27.320 that if I'm sitting there and I'm at,

00:13:29.260 cause I've sat in a place where everybody's enjoying something and I'm the

00:13:31.700 angry one.

00:13:32.360 Yeah.

00:13:32.740 Yeah.

00:13:33.020 And dude,

00:13:33.840 that's like,

00:13:34.740 like my childhood,

00:13:35.720 for example.

00:13:36.400 So it's like,

00:13:37.440 it's like everybody.

00:13:38.600 It's like,

00:13:39.020 uh,

00:13:39.760 that's a choice I'm making as an adult though too.

00:13:42.060 It's like,

00:13:42.440 I want to stand here in this quicksand and complain about the flooring.

00:13:47.160 You know,

00:13:48.040 it is weird.

00:13:49.320 It's weird.

00:13:49.860 We're in a society now.

00:13:50.900 Like somebody brought up somebody with the Churchill or Gandhi or something.

00:13:55.860 Somebody's like,

00:13:56.280 and then like,

00:13:56.840 I don't know what it was,

00:13:57.640 but someone's like,

00:13:58.160 or with Ruth Bader Ginsburg and like,

00:14:00.220 you know,

00:14:00.380 she wasn't all good.

00:14:01.200 She did this and this wrong.

00:14:02.180 And I'm like,

00:14:02.560 man,

00:14:02.780 everyone's given accolades.

00:14:04.860 This person is your first thought is to the bad and not even as a joke.

00:14:08.580 Like that's what you go to all the time.

00:14:10.560 Well,

00:14:10.960 that's the media to these days,

00:14:12.260 man.

00:14:12.340 It's almost a perfect example.

00:14:13.420 Like anybody does anything and they want to,

00:14:16.880 uh,

00:14:17.720 like they all documentaries have to expose anybody that ever did anything good.

00:14:21.360 It's like documentaries have to expose.

00:14:23.280 I'm like,

00:14:23.620 um,

00:14:25.220 Woody Allen documentary.

00:14:26.580 Yeah,

00:14:27.040 that's a good point.

00:14:28.260 But it's like,

00:14:28.760 really,

00:14:29.000 it's like,

00:14:29.880 wouldn't you just focus on his movies?

00:14:31.800 Isn't that the good thing he did?

00:14:34.260 Yeah.

00:14:34.620 There's something that it's just,

00:14:36.200 I don't know if it's just like,

00:14:37.660 uh,

00:14:38.480 we want to bring everybody down or that it's just that that's become such a

00:14:42.700 marketable thing.

00:14:44.200 Is that?

00:14:44.760 Yeah,

00:14:44.880 I guess that's what it is.

00:14:45.600 But it's like,

00:14:46.100 it's only because it's like a big thing,

00:14:47.540 you know,

00:14:47.760 you can get hits off it.

00:14:48.700 So like,

00:14:49.100 nobody's like doing a documentary about,

00:14:51.660 I don't know who about you,

00:14:52.800 you know?

00:14:53.060 And it's like,

00:14:53.540 yeah,

00:14:53.700 he might have the successful podcast right now.

00:14:55.800 But,

00:14:56.160 but you know,

00:14:56.920 when he was in high school, 1.00

00:14:57.680 he fucked a fat chick. 1.00

00:14:58.720 Yeah. 1.00

00:14:59.020 Maybe you don't know about the fat chick. 0.97

00:15:01.420 It wasn't always this. 0.90

00:15:02.840 Yeah.

00:15:03.000 Maybe you weren't at the lakefront one night with him,

00:15:05.060 you know,

00:15:05.940 when we bought some bad weed and kept smoking it to pretend we were 0.98

00:15:09.140 fucking didn't waste our money. 1.00

00:15:10.360 Pass it, 0.99

00:15:10.960 dude.

00:15:11.840 Yeah.

00:15:12.740 He interviewed your high school friends.

00:15:14.040 Like,

00:15:14.380 yeah,

00:15:14.560 we kept waiting for him to pass it.

00:15:15.840 And then he didn't pass it.

00:15:16.940 Yeah. 0.99

00:15:17.360 And then he went back into that room with that fat chick. 1.00

00:15:18.820 He's going to hell, 1.00

00:15:19.600 man. 0.99

00:15:20.060 Yeah.

00:15:21.420 Yeah.

00:15:21.740 It's funny.

00:15:22.120 It's,

00:15:22.920 but do you,

00:15:23.800 do you,

00:15:24.240 do you feel like you have,

00:15:25.660 do you feel like,

00:15:27.220 I guess I wonder,

00:15:28.940 do you feel like more free or,

00:15:31.420 less free kind of after like you had everything happened?

00:15:34.360 Or do you just feel,

00:15:35.320 does it even matter anymore?

00:15:37.120 That's just one of the times that's happened.

00:15:38.840 It's just like the latest or,

00:15:39.940 or like the ones that other people saw,

00:15:42.000 but like there's plenty of other ones where everybody,

00:15:44.160 like I did, 0.97

00:15:44.680 I fucking made fun of, 0.98

00:15:45.600 well, 0.99

00:15:47.940 you see today's nine 11,

00:15:49.160 you're already seeing the,

00:15:51.680 I mean,

00:15:51.900 this will air later,

00:15:52.800 I guess,

00:15:53.080 but like you see that last week in nine 11.

00:15:55.360 Yeah.

00:15:56.580 Yesterday.

00:15:57.600 And,

00:15:57.800 uh,

00:15:58.660 everyone's posting about themselves,

00:16:00.500 you know,

00:16:00.740 and make it about themselves.

00:16:01.740 Like,

00:16:01.940 I remember where I was and I'm like,

00:16:03.440 it's just so funny to me.

00:16:05.160 What if Renazisi is having a tough day?

00:16:06.800 You think it's a,

00:16:07.400 every year,

00:16:08.180 for sure.

00:16:09.320 Every year.

00:16:09.900 I have a tough day just seeing the hacky jokes come up Renazisi,

00:16:14.120 like around me.

00:16:15.600 I'm like, 0.99

00:16:15.940 God damn. 1.00

00:16:16.580 Everyone thinks they're so fucking original. 1.00

00:16:18.280 I'm like, 0.96

00:16:18.540 dude,

00:16:18.700 I've heard,

00:16:19.280 I've heard it a thousand times.

00:16:21.740 Oh yeah.

00:16:22.620 I'm sure he's having a tough day.

00:16:24.940 Did you,

00:16:25.880 um,

00:16:26.500 did you feel like it,

00:16:28.180 but I mean like,

00:16:28.720 Oh,

00:16:28.840 here's what I was.

00:16:29.220 I posted one about,

00:16:30.360 um,

00:16:31.260 uh,

00:16:31.680 Kenny Rogers.

00:16:32.900 Just like,

00:16:33.540 yeah,

00:16:34.540 I called him a racist.

00:16:35.440 That's why he wouldn't have fried chicken.

00:16:36.540 Only,

00:16:36.800 only roasted chicken and stuff.

00:16:38.420 And you get all these middle-aged people, 0.96

00:16:39.900 like, 1.00

00:16:40.160 you fucking suck. 1.00

00:16:41.140 Fuck you. 1.00

00:16:41.700 How dare you? 1.00

00:16:42.420 You know?

00:16:42.780 And it's like,

00:16:43.240 there's little cancellations everywhere.

00:16:45.200 It's like,

00:16:45.600 this is why I'll never have a standup special.

00:16:47.280 And I'm like,

00:16:47.680 I have a few.

00:16:48.660 What are you talking about?

00:16:50.520 We were watching some of your clips yesterday,

00:16:51.960 man.

00:16:52.140 I'm trying to think of the bit that I was watching about.

00:16:54.800 It was in the comedy cellar.

00:16:56.380 Yeah.

00:16:56.920 Yeah.

00:16:57.160 It looked like it just went up about a month ago,

00:16:58.700 but it was,

00:16:59.260 Oh,

00:17:00.560 that Miami building falling down.

00:17:02.580 Yes.

00:17:02.940 Yeah.

00:17:03.620 I mean,

00:17:04.020 it's fun,

00:17:04.420 dude.

00:17:04.620 No,

00:17:05.200 it was a funny,

00:17:06.520 it was funny,

00:17:07.640 man.

00:17:07.820 Oh,

00:17:07.980 the whole,

00:17:08.240 it was a great dude.

00:17:09.460 I was sitting there laughing with my friend.

00:17:11.200 I hit it early.

00:17:11.880 My mom told me about it.

00:17:12.720 I was like,

00:17:12.920 I don't know what you're talking.

00:17:13.500 I don't read the news anymore.

00:17:14.700 My mom was like,

00:17:16.060 she's like,

00:17:16.340 what do you,

00:17:16.660 I don't even know what you're talking about.

00:17:18.220 And then she told me,

00:17:18.940 and then I started just doing bits about it.

00:17:20.500 Yeah.

00:17:20.860 I remember a tell,

00:17:21.700 right when I moved to New York.

00:17:22.840 No,

00:17:23.200 before that,

00:17:24.600 he was like,

00:17:25.860 he did a joke about 0.99

00:17:26.880 that Austrian guy who had a sex dungeon. 0.98

00:17:30.060 We had kept his, 0.99

00:17:30.720 the mom and the mom's kid down there.

00:17:32.680 He kept like a few people. 0.98

00:17:33.860 He built a sex dungeon in his castle or something. 0.93

00:17:37.260 And he had a prisoner in there. 0.97

00:17:38.880 Oh,

00:17:39.220 I believe that.

00:17:39.760 Kind of like the guy from Cleveland,

00:17:40.800 but like high level,

00:17:41.840 you know?

00:17:42.260 Oh,

00:17:42.540 wow.

00:17:42.800 So like more wealthy?

00:17:43.880 Yeah,

00:17:44.120 leader of the game.

00:17:45.100 Yosef Fritzi's dungeon.

00:17:46.600 Yeah.

00:17:47.060 Wow.

00:17:47.500 And it's hell was like,

00:17:48.340 hey,

00:17:48.460 this joke won't go over for very long.

00:17:50.520 But he's like,

00:17:50.920 I got three weeks when people are like,

00:17:52.620 still know the news story.

00:17:53.760 And he's like,

00:17:54.320 that's his job.

00:17:54.940 It's like milk that news story.

00:17:56.120 Yeah.

00:17:56.360 I love that.

00:17:57.840 So,

00:17:58.100 yeah.

00:17:59.380 Oh,

00:17:59.820 wow.

00:18:00.060 That guy's a real dark artist right there.

00:18:02.000 He's a real dark artist.

00:18:03.140 Look at him. 1.00

00:18:04.240 He looks like inglorious bastards. 1.00

00:18:06.560 Yeah, 1.00

00:18:06.780 he does.

00:18:07.180 He looks like a, 0.99

00:18:07.600 like a real mean crow just landed in his brain. 0.99

00:18:10.940 Yeah. 0.58

00:18:11.100 He would like, 1.00

00:18:12.140 he would stab you and like, 1.00

00:18:13.460 let the light fall out of you. 0.99

00:18:14.580 And he would never change that face.

00:18:16.500 Yeah.

00:18:18.280 This doesn't even get me hard anymore.

00:18:20.300 Yeah.

00:18:20.720 Oh, 1.00

00:18:22.720 sex slave would be so tough to be. 1.00

00:18:25.120 I feel, 0.99

00:18:25.840 but at a certain point you would probably just adapt to it.

00:18:28.000 Right?

00:18:28.140 I mean,

00:18:28.460 that's an interesting thing about being a human or being alive.

00:18:30.880 It's like,

00:18:31.280 you will adapt to different things,

00:18:33.860 whether they're good or bad,

00:18:35.380 you will adapt.

00:18:36.260 I interviewed a,

00:18:37.160 early on my podcast,

00:18:38.380 Skeptic Tank.

00:18:38.900 I interviewed a,

00:18:39.580 you've been on there,

00:18:40.380 but I interviewed a couple of Holocaust survivors.

00:18:42.460 And I was like,

00:18:42.840 really?

00:18:43.300 Yeah.

00:18:43.620 Yeah.

00:18:44.320 Now,

00:18:44.580 is that,

00:18:44.900 cause I feel like sometimes you in the Jewish community team are just in,

00:18:47.380 you'll be like Holocaust or like, 0.97

00:18:48.900 this is the last,

00:18:49.820 they keep saying this is the last Holocaust survivor.

00:18:51.780 And it's like,

00:18:52.420 come on,

00:18:52.780 I think we just saw the last one.

00:18:55.040 Like we talk about,

00:18:56.060 it's like the undertaker.

00:18:56.900 You keep getting another undertaker,

00:18:59.520 another Robin.

00:19:01.560 That's what I feel like.

00:19:02.480 I feel like sometimes they keep bringing out like,

00:19:04.320 this is him.

00:19:05.220 You know,

00:19:05.500 it's just,

00:19:06.100 it's not even Jewish.

00:19:07.360 It's just a guy.

00:19:08.220 Dude,

00:19:08.400 if I checked Obama's birth certificate,

00:19:09.720 I'm going to have to check your birth certificate.

00:19:10.940 Where were you?

00:19:11.360 Where were you born?

00:19:12.640 Let's look at some docs,

00:19:13.520 but I'll go on you.

00:19:15.020 Anyways,

00:19:15.500 how did you deal with it every day?

00:19:17.060 And they were real,

00:19:17.640 they were both like,

00:19:18.260 you get used to it pretty fast.

00:19:19.900 You just become like,

00:19:20.560 this is your reality.

00:19:21.580 Wow.

00:19:22.540 It's just like,

00:19:23.740 and look at COVID too.

00:19:24.940 It's just like,

00:19:25.420 it became the reality.

00:19:26.940 Yeah.

00:19:27.440 Pretty fast.

00:19:28.820 Did you find that whenever you ran into like,

00:19:31.720 was it,

00:19:32.180 is it,

00:19:32.460 was it weird that the people knew you online,

00:19:34.540 but in person,

00:19:35.280 they weren't,

00:19:35.980 nobody was,

00:19:36.560 did you run into people that weren't angry at you and had no idea?

00:19:39.060 Like you'd walk past some Laker fans.

00:19:40.720 They didn't care.

00:19:41.880 But in,

00:19:42.720 but online,

00:19:43.720 nobody cares in person.

00:19:44.920 Right.

00:19:45.400 Online is so different.

00:19:46.500 You've seen comedians where they like normal in person and they're online. 1.00

00:19:49.380 They're fucking crazy. 1.00

00:19:50.460 Oh yeah. 1.00

00:19:51.520 And you're like,

00:19:52.120 what?

00:19:52.880 But then you'd meet up again in person.

00:19:54.140 You're like,

00:19:54.440 Oh,

00:19:54.620 you're,

00:19:54.880 you're still a normal guy.

00:19:56.220 Who's that guy?

00:19:57.160 Yeah.

00:19:57.600 That's nuts.

00:19:58.260 Yeah.

00:19:58.380 No,

00:19:58.580 nobody ever in person.

00:19:59.620 Remember the amazing racist stuff?

00:20:01.020 Yeah.

00:20:01.280 So I've been dealing with death threats.

00:20:02.460 Remember we worked on that thing because we did that ShamWow thing.

00:20:04.640 Oh yeah,

00:20:05.040 yeah,

00:20:05.260 yeah.

00:20:05.980 With Vince Oscar.

00:20:07.720 Yeah.

00:20:07.860 We did new ones.

00:20:08.420 We were in that bad movie together.

00:20:09.880 With Adrian,

00:20:10.520 with award winning actor Adrian Brody.

00:20:14.940 Yeah,

00:20:15.380 you believe that.

00:20:17.220 He played second fiddle to us.

00:20:18.980 Well,

00:20:19.160 he played it in the pianist.

00:20:20.160 I think he played piano.

00:20:21.240 But he was,

00:20:22.000 God,

00:20:22.600 that movie was good.

00:20:23.580 But dude,

00:20:24.200 that movie that we were in was the worst movie ever.

00:20:27.260 The worst movie ever.

00:20:28.060 And then he remade it.

00:20:29.380 And it was the,

00:20:29.880 again,

00:20:30.520 was the worst movie.

00:20:31.180 He was like,

00:20:31.540 no,

00:20:31.760 I don't accept that.

00:20:32.480 Like ABBA,

00:20:33.280 when they were at least here,

00:20:34.020 they're like three years later,

00:20:34.960 like you guys didn't get it.

00:20:35.840 We're going to re-release.

00:20:36.600 And then it caught on.

00:20:37.380 And Vince believed in himself.

00:20:39.660 Oh,

00:20:39.940 Vince believed in himself like no end.

00:20:41.320 That was crazy,

00:20:42.100 man.

00:20:42.420 Oh,

00:20:42.540 I forgot about that.

00:20:43.520 Yeah.

00:20:43.920 Yeah.

00:20:44.220 Pazitsky was like,

00:20:45.000 came,

00:20:45.240 helped us write.

00:20:46.620 Yes.

00:20:47.940 Yeah. 0.91

00:20:48.220 That was amazing racist, 0.94

00:20:49.380 man.

00:20:49.540 That's when,

00:20:49.920 cause they put that in the movie,

00:20:51.280 right?

00:20:51.620 Yeah.

00:20:52.000 Yeah.

00:20:52.180 He was like,

00:20:52.680 can I use those?

00:20:53.400 I'm like,

00:20:53.600 they're not mine,

00:20:54.280 but like we can make more.

00:20:55.940 Yeah.

00:20:56.320 And he's like,

00:20:56.640 really?

00:20:56.860 I'm like,

00:20:57.080 yeah,

00:20:57.300 let's make more dude. 0.99

00:20:58.120 Went down to the border.

00:20:59.800 It was great.

00:21:01.000 But anyway,

00:21:01.360 I would get tons of death threats early on.

00:21:03.360 I think I was like the first one to really,

00:21:05.220 so that's when I was the first one to also like,

00:21:06.440 these aren't real you guys.

00:21:07.760 And that's when you get real mail too,

00:21:09.140 probably.

00:21:09.740 Oh yeah.

00:21:10.060 Phone calls.

00:21:10.720 Oh yeah.

00:21:11.360 Oh,

00:21:11.540 so listen,

00:21:12.060 so Duncan Trussell,

00:21:13.900 he,

00:21:14.320 I mean,

00:21:14.800 you gotta remember like the time.

00:21:16.120 I gotta be on his podcast soon,

00:21:17.340 Duncan,

00:21:17.600 if you're listening.

00:21:19.100 You're going to be,

00:21:19.820 or you gotta be?

00:21:20.200 Well,

00:21:20.440 I keep saying,

00:21:21.420 shouldn't I come on your podcast?

00:21:22.760 Because he came on one time and I owe him,

00:21:25.400 you know,

00:21:25.600 I feel like,

00:21:26.120 and I love talking to him.

00:21:27.260 No,

00:21:27.360 he's great.

00:21:27.940 God,

00:21:28.240 he's the best.

00:21:29.140 So anyway.

00:21:29.780 He's got one ball.

00:21:30.640 Yeah.

00:21:30.860 Oh yeah?

00:21:31.480 Yeah.

00:21:31.820 Oh wow.

00:21:32.260 But the sack still holds.

00:21:34.200 So you gotta,

00:21:34.880 I've touched it.

00:21:35.460 So it's like sack like this,

00:21:37.020 you know?

00:21:37.420 And then if you touch one,

00:21:38.300 it just goes,

00:21:39.500 and the other one,

00:21:40.100 it's like full.

00:21:41.140 Oh,

00:21:41.400 that's like if you lost your limb in an accident or something,

00:21:43.440 somebody can still sometimes like tickle you on it?

00:21:45.780 No,

00:21:46.360 no,

00:21:47.320 it's not a phantom.

00:21:48.080 It'd be like if they took out your bones from your arm,

00:21:50.060 and then your arm would still hold like straight down,

00:21:52.740 and then it'd be all like spaghetti.

00:21:54.620 Oh.

00:21:55.080 It's just an empty sack.

00:21:56.420 Oh,

00:21:56.560 that's wild.

00:21:57.500 Yeah,

00:21:57.660 like you're holding a grocery bag and you take out the groceries from the top.

00:22:00.140 But it still stays?

00:22:00.780 It still holds a shape.

00:22:01.620 Ooh.

00:22:02.260 Yeah.

00:22:03.300 Yeah.

00:22:03.900 It's almost romantic,

00:22:05.000 it feels like.

00:22:05.740 Yeah.

00:22:06.660 What was I going to say about Duncan?

00:22:08.700 Oh,

00:22:09.100 yeah,

00:22:09.240 yeah,

00:22:09.340 yeah.

00:22:09.600 So early on.

00:22:10.540 So he had put on,

00:22:11.880 so one of those amazing racist stuff,

00:22:12.980 it was a National Lampoon sketch.

00:22:15.520 And somebody ripped it,

00:22:16.740 put it on the internet,

00:22:17.260 early YouTube,

00:22:18.100 when people were like, 0.98

00:22:18.640 what the fuck is this? 0.99

00:22:21.140 You know? 1.00

00:22:22.000 Everyone was like,

00:22:22.620 and then,

00:22:23.500 so if you Googled my name,

00:22:25.320 the first thing that came up was Duncan's old website,

00:22:27.480 artisticterrorist.com.

00:22:28.860 Oh.

00:22:29.440 Yeah,

00:22:29.660 and he said like,

00:22:30.640 prank call my friend Ari Shaffir.

00:22:34.080 Here's his number.

00:22:35.400 The best prank calls,

00:22:36.340 I'll send you 10 bucks or something like that.

00:22:38.480 If you,

00:22:38.700 prank call.

00:22:39.360 So if you Google my name,

00:22:40.580 you didn't have to click on it.

00:22:41.480 It just said,

00:22:41.880 Ari Shaffir,

00:22:42.800 323-656,

00:22:44.380 whatever the number was back then.

00:22:47.660 6225,

00:22:48.240 or is that the store?

00:22:48.840 I forget.

00:22:49.280 But anyway,

00:22:50.160 and so then like,

00:22:51.500 you Googled,

00:22:51.940 so I just started getting phone calls,

00:22:54.200 one after another after another.

00:22:55.900 No way. 1.00

00:22:56.600 I'll build a deck in your ass, 1.00

00:22:57.780 Holmes. 1.00

00:22:59.080 At first I was worried,

00:23:00.580 for real,

00:23:01.000 I was worried a little bit.

00:23:02.320 But after like four or five months,

00:23:03.580 it's like, 0.98

00:23:03.900 this is dumb. 0.99

00:23:04.880 This is never going to do anything. 0.99

00:23:05.900 It's just online.

00:23:06.840 It's just gamers.

00:23:08.100 And the internet was so good then too,

00:23:10.060 when you could do so, 0.98

00:23:11.000 there was so much more propensity for weird shit, 1.00

00:23:13.980 man. 1.00

00:23:14.840 So Nick Mullen pointed this out to me.

00:23:16.140 We're both trolls from like a long time ago.

00:23:18.420 Start up a message board.

00:23:19.840 And like,

00:23:20.480 you couldn't just like,

00:23:21.280 do you remember a special thing?

00:23:22.720 A special thing?

00:23:23.960 Yeah.

00:23:24.320 It was an alt comedy message board.

00:23:27.000 Uh-uh.

00:23:27.820 And they started writing about comedians.

00:23:29.940 It was the first time comedians were being reviewed.

00:23:32.280 No.

00:23:32.480 And it was mostly like. 0.99

00:23:33.420 Was it Seth Segan or whatever that fucking guy's name was? 0.99

00:23:35.220 No, no. 0.99

00:23:35.520 Way, way, way before that.

00:23:36.960 It was still very positive.

00:23:38.640 And they would just like,

00:23:39.320 try to review shows.

00:23:40.240 And mostly comedy,

00:23:40.920 Death Ray.

00:23:41.440 Yep.

00:23:41.760 Special thing.

00:23:42.280 They did some CDs eventually.

00:23:44.040 Wow.

00:23:45.820 A comics comic.

00:23:47.120 That is him.

00:23:47.700 Um, yeah, it wasn't him.

00:23:49.720 He was just probably reporting on it.

00:23:50.940 Oh, I see.

00:23:51.560 Yeah.

00:23:52.120 Um, 2016.

00:23:53.760 He's probably still a good writer back then.

00:23:55.720 But like, um, uh, anyway.

00:23:59.760 So I'd go on there and you start an account.

00:24:01.740 You can't, but you can't just start a fake account.

00:24:03.360 They see zero posts.

00:24:04.260 And your first one is like, I don't know who were their heroes back then.

00:24:07.580 Like Patton Oswalt is not as good as you think.

00:24:09.600 It's like, come on, man.

00:24:10.300 You're clearly trolling.

00:24:11.120 You're just showing up.

00:24:11.920 You know, you're just, I don't care about anything. 0.84

00:24:13.420 The troll doesn't have any allegiance to what he's saying. 0.96

00:24:15.580 The troll is just here to anger you. 0.95

00:24:17.000 Yeah.

00:24:17.240 So you'd have to like get an account going and like post like for like a couple months

00:24:21.900 of like, I love Patton Oswalt.

00:24:24.020 I love Brian Posehn.

00:24:25.480 Oh, the new Louis C.K. joke is great.

00:24:27.480 Oh, things are going well.

00:24:28.680 Yeah.

00:24:28.900 Have you seen this comic?

00:24:29.720 He's so funny.

00:24:30.600 Gore.

00:24:31.080 How about gore?

00:24:31.900 Yeah.

00:24:32.320 Yeah.

00:24:32.780 Yeah.

00:24:33.020 Bush is bad, huh?

00:24:34.060 Whatever they need.

00:24:35.180 And then you start with the negative.

00:24:37.020 It's so great.

00:24:37.900 But it was taking a lot of work to really get a good troll.

00:24:40.700 Yeah.

00:24:41.540 And Nick was like, he's troll too.

00:24:44.480 He's like, all right, this is the golden age of trolling.

00:24:47.100 Now you can just put out one thing and reach like a million people.

00:24:51.220 It's the best time to make people angry over nothing.

00:24:54.040 Yeah.

00:24:55.080 Yeah.

00:24:55.520 And now it's like people are just waiting.

00:24:57.460 And now the longevity of things don't even, it's not even there.

00:25:01.040 I mean, it's gone so fast.

00:25:02.540 It almost is sadly.

00:25:03.700 It's like, even if you die, it's like that used to be a thing.

00:25:06.600 I remember like when a famous person would die, we'd be at school and be like, man, this 0.99

00:25:10.100 shit is heartbreaking. 0.98

00:25:11.040 You know, like, like I remember I told you when Jay Leno died one time, we were going 1.00

00:25:14.940 on like a camping trip for four days.

00:25:16.560 And so nobody knew that he didn't.

00:25:19.280 So I had this, I was the only one.

00:25:20.900 Pre-internet, you can get a good rumor going.

00:25:22.560 So for four days, man, people were bummed out.

00:25:25.500 Nice.

00:25:26.200 And it was like, it was just trolling in real time.

00:25:28.540 I was hugging people.

00:25:29.920 We were just talking about doing impersonations. 1.00

00:25:33.580 I would use it to hug the fucking hot chick. 1.00

00:25:36.120 I'm like, it's so sad about Jay Leno. 1.00

00:25:37.820 She's like, who are you?

00:25:39.960 Come on, give me the hug. 0.76

00:25:40.840 You owe it to me.

00:25:41.560 I know someone who died.

00:25:42.860 One girl made me only hug her from the back because she said I pressed my body against 0.99

00:25:46.100 her.

00:25:46.320 It's too hard from the front. 1.00

00:25:47.160 But then you could just touch her tits. 1.00

00:25:48.580 Yeah. 0.99

00:25:48.880 But she would kind of move my arms down the side by her arms. 1.00

00:25:52.180 It was pretty sad.

00:25:54.040 Yeah.

00:25:55.080 Trying to get a rub.

00:25:56.320 She made me be like a seal almost.

00:25:58.240 It was almost like putting seals in line.

00:26:01.100 But it's like when you get a stripper and she's dancing on you. 1.00

00:26:03.200 She's like, no touching.

00:26:04.060 You're like, yeah, but you could understand why I would.

00:26:05.900 It's not like unheard of. 0.81

00:26:10.000 Immediately I turn into a lawyer if there's a stripper on your lap. 1.00

00:26:13.120 But you see the situation.

00:26:15.960 There's a bit of entrapment on your part. 1.00

00:26:17.440 I mean, you are gyrating on my hard dick. 1.00

00:26:24.200 That's the best deal. 0.99

00:26:25.080 Like when they did find out that Jay Leno's still alive, you're like, well, now enjoy this

00:26:28.560 time.

00:26:29.000 Yeah.

00:26:29.300 You have a second lease on life with Jay Leno.

00:26:31.340 But the best.

00:26:32.060 Yeah.

00:26:34.960 The best thing is I should have just.

00:26:39.620 But then when they found out there was no way for them to text you.

00:26:42.920 But hey, Jay Leno's a lot like.

00:26:44.640 Oh, yeah.

00:26:45.020 It was just you laying at home.

00:26:48.120 Just just knowing it's you have to know it's going to pay off and you're not going to be

00:26:52.340 there for it.

00:26:52.920 It was this like very Mozartian type of thing where you just or like almost like when Andy

00:26:57.420 Dufresne's just sitting in the place and you still hear the record player playing and

00:27:01.760 the world's beating on the door and he's just listening to that music, you know, in Shawshank

00:27:06.980 Redemption.

00:27:07.420 Yeah, Shawshank.

00:27:08.480 Yeah, dude, it's fun.

00:27:09.340 Those were the days.

00:27:10.160 But now that is gone.

00:27:12.020 And it's just a complete attack.

00:27:13.820 Plus, there's cameras everywhere, too.

00:27:15.280 So you can't do crimes.

00:27:16.320 It's a different time.

00:27:17.140 You got to you got to figure out the ways to handle it.

00:27:20.340 I got to tell you, you've used a phone before.

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00:28:40.820 Is there something interfering with your happiness?

00:28:43.960 And I'm not talking about your wife or husband.

00:28:45.620 I'm talking about something inside of you.

00:28:48.640 Do you have something in you that just won't stop? 0.98

00:28:50.720 Is it some worm? 0.99

00:28:51.420 You got that worm.

00:28:53.260 Well, BetterHelp.

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00:29:53.440 In college, I remember somebody asking me like, you know when you know somebody but you never

00:29:57.700 fully learn their name but you've known them too long to ask?

00:30:00.280 Oh, yeah, yeah.

00:30:01.040 And so like-

00:30:01.780 I remember him but I don't know him.

00:30:03.380 Yeah.

00:30:03.600 So if somebody goes like, hey, who is that about you?

00:30:06.660 Right?

00:30:07.080 I'm like, what's his name again?

00:30:08.320 I'm like, I would always be like, that's John.

00:30:10.940 And then they would go to you, Theo Vaughn.

00:30:12.520 And then they'd make a point to say your name because they just learned it.

00:30:15.220 They'd be like, hey, John, how you doing, buddy?

00:30:17.180 All right, see you later, John.

00:30:18.560 They'd do that for like a day or two until you'd be like, no, I'm Theo, man.

00:30:22.880 And then they'd come running back to you like, why did you tell me his name was John?

00:30:26.080 And you're like, right?

00:30:29.080 I bet it's pretty embarrassing.

00:30:31.180 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:30:31.900 There's something about having like mild anarchy like that.

00:30:36.820 Like there was something that doesn't exist anymore and you can't lie about yourself anymore.

00:30:41.420 That's one of the worst things.

00:30:42.740 You can't what?

00:30:43.420 You can't lie about yourself anymore.

00:30:45.500 You used to be able to be like, yeah, I'm going to, you know, I'm doing medical school or I was an orphan.

00:30:50.080 I have a twin brother I've never met.

00:30:51.840 You used to be able to like create an ambiance, you know, albeit false or whatever.

00:30:56.880 You know, you used to-

00:30:57.680 We had comics who would like say like when we started, when I started the store, it was like,

00:31:00.760 the internet wasn't fully going yet.

00:31:02.660 It was a few couple of years away.

00:31:03.800 And they're like, I'm famous on the East Coast.

00:31:05.100 You're like, oh, cool.

00:31:06.120 Or that I played football at this college.

00:31:08.340 Within a year or two, you're like, I can look up stats from every college football team of all time.

00:31:12.480 And I don't see Parisi in there.

00:31:14.300 So like, I don't know.

00:31:16.020 What do you mean?

00:31:17.460 Like why you didn't have any stats for the whole year?

00:31:19.600 It was Parisi.

00:31:21.920 And he's like, the gig is up.

00:31:24.660 You got to get unverifiable lies, bro.

00:31:27.160 It wasn't your fault.

00:31:28.820 No.

00:31:29.540 What?

00:31:29.820 I'm trying to think of some things that I would tell back then.

00:31:31.960 A lot of it I felt like, because I was so embarrassed about where we lived and stuff.

00:31:35.520 I would just say-

00:31:36.320 Oh, you're poor, right?

00:31:36.900 Yeah.

00:31:37.120 So I would just say things to people.

00:31:38.760 Like, it was always to girls, you know, yeah, I'm just, you know, my family, we were displaced

00:31:43.180 or something.

00:31:43.620 Because that was one thing about Louisiana, you could easily get displaced.

00:31:46.180 Like-

00:31:46.240 From what?

00:31:46.620 Hurricanes?

00:31:47.380 Hurricanes, rodentry, something like that.

00:31:49.260 Usually like a, you know, we had a lot of crazy rodentry in our area and we had a lot of hurricanes.

00:31:54.980 So it was like-

00:31:55.640 Rodentry?

00:31:56.560 Rodent in the tree?

00:31:57.720 Rodentry.

00:31:58.120 Rodent in the tree.

00:31:59.980 What do you-

00:32:00.640 I don't understand what you're saying.

00:32:01.820 Narnia.

00:32:02.660 Not Narnia.

00:32:04.160 What?

00:32:04.800 What's the big animal?

00:32:06.760 Nutria.

00:32:07.520 Nutria. 0.60

00:32:07.840 Nutria rats.

00:32:08.620 And then do-

00:32:09.260 What are they-

00:32:09.740 So if people, homes got too infested or infected, then yeah.

00:32:15.560 You had to-

00:32:15.960 They had a-

00:32:17.020 And then you'd just give up your home?

00:32:18.460 Yeah.

00:32:18.780 So we'd be like, oh yeah.

00:32:19.420 Did they win?

00:32:20.240 We had a nice-

00:32:21.100 Oh, dude.

00:32:21.480 Yeah.

00:32:21.960 You ever eat one of those?

00:32:23.080 No, I've never eaten them.

00:32:24.220 Swamp rats.

00:32:25.160 But we got a great question, actually, that came in for you. 1.00

00:32:27.740 Look at this loser. 1.00

00:32:28.500 You can't take it. 1.00

00:32:29.000 Dude, why are you wearing your mask on your chin?

00:32:30.640 Just take it off. 1.00

00:32:31.840 If you want to make a fucking splash, dude. 0.99

00:32:34.160 Yeah. 1.00

00:32:34.540 Unless he has a gross chin, then I guess leave it on.

00:32:37.260 Yeah, he's got that.

00:32:38.060 He's high.

00:32:38.520 He could be high in your chin.

00:32:39.580 I think this guy looks handsome, honestly.

00:32:41.520 No, my bro.

00:32:42.580 Dude, you can't really compliment people.

00:32:44.040 It doesn't really work that way.

00:32:45.300 Why?

00:32:45.640 You can't?

00:32:46.160 It's so easy.

00:32:47.180 I think this guy's handsome.

00:32:48.380 Nah, his nostrils are too big.

00:32:49.880 Yeah, you're right, man.

00:32:50.840 This guy's got so many problems.

00:32:51.920 I used to love doing that with Tebow and Tripoli.

00:32:55.400 Who was that chick that was on the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit issue cover? 1.00

00:32:59.140 Big tits. 1.00

00:32:59.820 Claudia Shipper? 1.00

00:33:00.600 No, way later.

00:33:01.880 And then she got a little chubby. 0.65

00:33:02.820 She did those World of Warcraft ads.

00:33:04.860 Oh, Kate Olsen.

00:33:05.920 Kate Upton.

00:33:06.780 Kate Upton.

00:33:07.520 Yeah, and they would talk about how hot she was.

00:33:08.980 And I'm like, meh.

00:33:10.160 They're like, what do you mean, man?

00:33:11.160 I'm like, her chin.

00:33:11.780 His chin's off. 1.00

00:33:12.980 They get so mad, but it's so much more fun to shit on people. 1.00

00:33:16.460 Yeah. 1.00

00:33:16.700 Yeah, anyway, fuck this guy. 1.00

00:33:18.440 He looks like Down Syndrome. 1.00

00:33:20.240 Go ahead, Down Syndrome.

00:33:21.160 Let's see if you can get your question out clearly.

00:33:22.660 If this guy's Down Syndrome, he's the Romeo of Down Syndrome.

00:33:26.060 He's crushing it. 0.98

00:33:27.380 He's crushing Down Syndrome chicks. 1.00

00:33:28.900 Yeah, this is the guy's Down Syndrome. 0.90

00:33:31.500 Yeah. 1.00

00:33:32.800 I'm going to eat your ass. 1.00

00:33:34.100 All right. 1.00

00:33:34.900 What's up, Theo?

00:33:36.060 Nick?

00:33:37.060 Ari? 0.99

00:33:38.160 Question for you. 1.00

00:33:39.000 Is he jerking off? 0.99

00:33:39.620 What was it like living in Ecuador this year? 0.99

00:33:42.560 And did you happen to eat any gui, a.k.a. guinea pig?

00:33:47.400 This guy's Latino the way he said it. 0.71

00:33:48.900 So, how was it?

00:33:50.300 Gang, gang.

00:33:51.360 Go Lakers. 1.00

00:33:52.680 Fuck you, dude. 1.00

00:33:53.440 Fuck the Lakers. 1.00

00:33:54.280 That wasn't a real championship, you cunt. 1.00

00:33:56.100 How dare? 1.00

00:33:56.400 Oh, my God. 1.00

00:33:57.040 You fucking sprang it on me. 1.00

00:33:58.400 All right. 1.00

00:33:58.580 First of all, I'll let you apologize for making fun of the fucking head's chin scarf before. 0.99

00:34:02.960 I realize what you were doing now. 0.99

00:34:04.180 You were trying to hurt me.

00:34:05.000 And it worked, bro.

00:34:05.820 And it worked. 1.00

00:34:06.400 Fuck, I hate the Lakers. 1.00

00:34:07.480 Do you think he was being hurtful there? 1.00

00:34:09.080 I felt like he was being kind of like...

00:34:11.600 Jabby hurtful.

00:34:12.420 Fun.

00:34:12.900 Really?

00:34:13.520 Yeah, but I think in another way, he cares.

00:34:16.120 He wanted to send in a question.

00:34:17.260 He did care.

00:34:18.240 Yeah, yeah.

00:34:18.740 And he's not being mean.

00:34:19.580 I feel like, are a lot of Lakers fans forgiving to you?

00:34:22.580 Have anybody said... 1.00

00:34:23.520 Well, generally, Lakers fans are dumb. 1.00

00:34:25.280 They're not an intelligent species. 1.00

00:34:27.320 Really?

00:34:27.720 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:34:28.460 You'll see them with the flags all the time.

00:34:30.880 But then when they're bad, they took the flags off.

00:34:32.260 Because they don't really support the team. 1.00

00:34:33.740 They're just kind of morons who need something to believe in. 1.00

00:34:35.960 Yeah. 1.00

00:34:36.400 Because they don't have good lives, good jobs, good families. 0.99

00:34:39.300 Their wives are ugly, generally. 1.00

00:34:41.740 And so it takes some making up, you know? 1.00

00:34:44.260 So they lash out.

00:34:45.460 But this guy seemed cool.

00:34:46.880 I don't know.

00:34:47.860 So they lash out.

00:34:48.740 That's a great question, though.

00:34:49.680 And that's really what it's based on, is that, man, did you have any?

00:34:52.220 I did have Kui a bunch of times.

00:34:54.020 It's guinea pig.

00:34:54.840 It's in the Andes, in the Ecuadorian Andes.

00:34:57.180 And I think maybe Peruvian.

00:34:59.180 So I went for COVID, too.

00:35:00.420 I went to Ecuador for six months.

00:35:01.580 Yeah. 0.98

00:35:01.760 I just fucking, same as you, but I went somewhere else. 0.97

00:35:04.980 Did you, what were some things that were real nice about being out there? 0.99

00:35:08.880 First of all, well, the guinea pig was so fucking, it was like duck. 0.99

00:35:14.980 It was so fucking good. 0.99

00:35:16.620 And, I mean, you'd have it at truck stops. 0.98

00:35:18.220 You'd have it at nice restaurants.

00:35:19.980 But it's just this whole thing splayed out like this.

00:35:22.700 And they'd leave their teeth on.

00:35:24.520 Oh.

00:35:25.120 Yeah.

00:35:25.580 But, I mean, I would just destroy it.

00:35:27.620 Really?

00:35:28.140 Yeah.

00:35:28.400 One, it took, like.

00:35:29.000 Can you put it in a chili or something or chili?

00:35:30.500 No.

00:35:30.800 You can, but you put a spit in it, and then it just, like, turns. 1.00

00:35:33.980 And it's just, like, straight through his ass, through his mouth. 1.00

00:35:36.100 Oh, dude. 1.00

00:35:36.960 Yeah.

00:35:37.120 I used to sell them growing up. 1.00

00:35:38.060 That shit is harrowing. 1.00

00:35:39.260 I know that's one of the reasons why he asked, too. 1.00

00:35:41.180 Oh. 0.97

00:35:41.580 It was so fucking good. 1.00

00:35:42.960 But this other shit, too. 1.00

00:35:43.940 I can't imagine that putting anything in their butt like that. 1.00

00:35:45.740 I guess when they're deceased, probably they do it, huh? 0.99

00:35:48.500 Yeah.

00:35:48.880 They're already dead.

00:35:49.920 Because we saw a bunch of them, like, kind of skinned.

00:35:52.860 But the skin is so hard.

00:35:53.980 Man, it was so good.

00:35:54.880 And what are they doing with the furs?

00:35:56.200 Are you seeing things that they're doing with the furs?

00:35:58.980 No, I didn't. 0.99

00:35:59.740 But they probably sell them or something or make, like, shit out of it. 0.99

00:36:03.300 Like, they're poor there, so. 0.99

00:36:05.440 Yeah.

00:36:05.980 Can you look up Kui fur for us?

00:36:07.300 Yeah.

00:36:07.980 I don't know why you didn't see that.

00:36:10.240 But it was just being away from the American news.

00:36:13.080 Was that really nice?

00:36:13.840 I didn't find out who won the election for, like, three weeks, four weeks.

00:36:17.940 It was a leaked text.

00:36:18.620 We never found out.

00:36:19.600 Yeah, I didn't know that until later.

00:36:20.720 I would be, like, to Jeff, I was like, hey, don't tell him to win the election.

00:36:23.060 He goes, well, it's nobody.

00:36:24.300 And I'm like, oh, really?

00:36:25.460 Like, I was still figuring it out.

00:36:27.100 Yes.

00:36:28.140 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:36:29.260 Oh, that's it.

00:36:29.800 Top left. 0.99

00:36:30.900 It's so fucking good. 0.99

00:36:32.040 It's so fucking good. 0.98

00:36:32.940 And what did they put under it? 0.98

00:36:33.500 Melon or something?

00:36:34.480 Put whatever you want under.

00:36:35.420 Oh, that's these cheese things.

00:36:40.500 That's, like, cheese potato things.

00:36:42.280 I forget what they're called now.

00:36:43.280 How was the food down there?

00:36:44.680 This is, I can't believe I eat this.

00:36:46.700 So fresh, so delicious.

00:36:47.560 So this is a delicacy, Kui. 0.99

00:36:49.360 So this is a wealthy man's treat?

00:36:51.340 It's, like, 20 bucks, 25 bucks.

00:36:53.600 See, that's what breaks my heart, then.

00:36:55.420 What?

00:36:55.860 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:36:56.480 Not every day.

00:36:57.000 But, like, truck stop people could have it.

00:36:58.840 You could do a quarter, you know?

00:37:00.680 But not every day.

00:37:02.120 Although some people, like, just caught their own.

00:37:03.680 They're everywhere.

00:37:04.960 Oh, really?

00:37:05.340 Anthony Bourdain was, like, when he went down, I didn't see it, but I heard he did an episode

00:37:09.560 there.

00:37:10.260 And he was, like, this could solve world hunger, man. 1.00

00:37:12.860 Just get over the fucking second grade shit when you saw them and they were cute. 1.00

00:37:16.420 It would be great. 1.00

00:37:17.000 Yeah, that's the part, I think, is the tough part.

00:37:19.320 Because they're really, they're almost like a pony just really compromised into a really

00:37:22.940 small space.

00:37:24.000 What I got lucky in is, is, um...

00:37:26.360 Like a ground pony.

00:37:27.220 First, I had one, and then I went to, uh, the equator goes through there, and they have

00:37:31.080 this little setup.

00:37:31.860 And they're really good about education about all the different indigenous people there

00:37:34.580 and all the different parts of their country.

00:37:36.820 From the Galapagos to the Amazon to the mountains and different just tribes and stuff.

00:37:40.900 And so, in this exhibit, they had a bunch of guinea pigs.

00:37:43.600 Um, and they were like, this is part of the Andean, um, tradition and stuff like that.

00:37:48.500 But I'd already eaten it. 0.95

00:37:50.020 But, man, those guinea pigs were so fucking cute that I don't know if I could have after 0.96

00:37:53.420 I saw those guinea pigs. 0.98

00:37:54.840 Oh, they're so beautiful, man.

00:37:56.200 I mean, that's the thing, that's one thing I think that's real fascinating about them.

00:38:00.120 And a lot of, where I'm from, they use them to teach you about your grandparents.

00:38:02.500 A lot of people, they, if your grandparents getting sick, your family gets you a guinea pig

00:38:06.760 and then the guinea pig dies and that's how you learn about them.

00:38:09.120 And then the grandparents are like, oh, that's going to happen to me?

00:38:11.240 Yeah.

00:38:11.720 What?

00:38:11.900 Or the parents will say, this is going to happen to Grandpa, you know?

00:38:14.940 Oh, to the kids.

00:38:15.920 Yeah, it's like a, it's a little gateway to death, a little stair step.

00:38:19.120 Can you Google in on the cute one?

00:38:20.400 Can you just look at that cute picture of him?

00:38:22.560 There we go.

00:38:23.400 I wonder if that's...

00:38:24.860 I mean, that, look at that.

00:38:27.280 Oh, Puneo, Peru.

00:38:29.640 I mean, look at that.

00:38:30.340 Considered a delicacy, yeah.

00:38:31.240 Now, what's the meatiest part?

00:38:34.700 That back strap?

00:38:35.820 That rump?

00:38:37.320 Underneath the belly.

00:38:38.160 Oh.

00:38:39.060 Yeah, the skin is so hard that you really can't.

00:38:41.600 That's where it keeps all its hopes and dreams, too.

00:38:42.080 Where it keeps its thoughts.

00:38:43.120 Yeah, I could have a family.

00:38:44.240 I'm a giddy family.

00:38:45.700 And you're like, yeah, I ain't.

00:38:46.820 Yeah, I ain't.

00:38:49.100 Oh, this one, like tribal music.

00:38:50.560 What if you ate it and you knew what they liked, you know?

00:38:53.100 Wouldn't that be crazy?

00:38:53.660 What they were into?

00:38:55.020 Yeah, I would like, if you really wanted to go delicacy, you find their family, keep

00:38:58.580 them alive while they let them watch you eat their dad, the provider.

00:39:04.020 And that right there is Ari Shavir.

00:39:05.600 That is a perfect example of Ari Shavir, of going to a level that you would put one under

00:39:10.660 a bright lamp.

00:39:11.860 He's sitting there.

00:39:13.580 He'd tape his eyelids open.

00:39:15.140 Dad!

00:39:16.080 Dad, no!

00:39:20.720 Wow, that's amazing, man. 0.99

00:39:22.020 Yeah, so like, no news, none of the anger when they did the fucking... 0.98

00:39:26.720 Now, did you have a phone on you? 0.97

00:39:28.540 Yeah, but with an Ecuadorian number.

00:39:30.220 Right.

00:39:30.540 So I could check in online.

00:39:31.620 I would do Zoom podcasts here or there.

00:39:33.520 It wasn't as, like, away as I'd really like to be. 0.97

00:39:35.960 But still, like, they don't give a fuck about... 0.95

00:39:38.540 Like, I tried to avoid the newspaper to see if I could not, like, find out the election. 0.98

00:39:42.100 But then I did see a newspaper, and it wasn't reported.

00:39:44.640 Wow.

00:39:45.080 It's, like, not their country. 0.88

00:39:46.520 Why would they care? 1.00

00:39:47.920 So, like, none of this shit... 1.00

00:39:49.960 What's that song? 0.99

00:39:51.020 I had, uh...

00:39:52.320 The Only News I Need Is a Weather Report.

00:39:55.140 Who was that?

00:39:56.100 Not Bill and Sebastian.

00:39:57.360 No, it's...

00:39:58.020 I don't know. 0.97

00:39:58.800 Fucking, like, 2-0. 0.98

00:40:00.620 Dan and Shea? 0.99

00:40:01.480 Not Dan and Shea.

00:40:02.400 I just met Shea, though.

00:40:03.200 He's a nice guy.

00:40:03.880 Is he?

00:40:04.340 Yeah.

00:40:04.740 They did a song with Justin Bieber that I really like, actually.

00:40:07.540 Yeah, that's it.

00:40:08.240 Simon and Garfunkel.

00:40:09.260 But it's just about, like, it's the only living boy in New York.

00:40:11.420 That's right.

00:40:12.380 It's just, like, that lyric, like, the only news I need is a weather...

00:40:14.940 This is the only thing that's gonna help me is...

00:40:16.440 Is it nice out?

00:40:17.140 Oh, that's a good point.

00:40:18.120 The rest is just, you know, someone's just like, can you believe...

00:40:21.260 You wanna get angry?

00:40:22.080 Watch this thing.

00:40:23.140 You wanna be like, no.

00:40:23.600 Oh, it totally is.

00:40:25.280 So then, why do we do it then?

00:40:27.600 Why do we go for the...

00:40:31.780 Why do we...

00:40:32.860 Anger?

00:40:32.980 Yeah, why do we...

00:40:34.660 If I know...

00:40:36.220 Yeah.

00:40:36.600 And Jordan Peterson says...

00:40:37.800 He thinks a lot of this is just we're unable to...

00:40:40.720 It's so strong now.

00:40:44.480 Like, the way it's packaged.

00:40:45.640 The way it's put together.

00:40:46.660 It's in the phone.

00:40:47.380 It's in the screen.

00:40:48.180 It's like, it's so addictive that we can't escape.

00:40:51.820 But it's tough because it's like, sometimes I will make the choice.

00:40:55.460 I know if I look at this how I'm gonna feel.

00:40:58.220 Yeah.

00:40:58.560 And I'll still do it, you know? 0.99

00:41:00.340 But it's like, you know when, like, you ever hear somebody talk shit about you? 0.99

00:41:03.720 Somebody's like, hey, so-and-so is saying so... 0.99

00:41:05.480 And it's like, it's, of course, gonna make you mad and it should.

00:41:08.640 But it's also like, why are you telling me that, dude?

00:41:11.060 Why would you tell me about gossip?

00:41:13.740 That's not supposed to be to me.

00:41:15.920 Right.

00:41:16.400 You know?

00:41:16.900 That's you guys talking about me.

00:41:18.460 Like, why did you share it?

00:41:20.840 You're just gonna make me feel bad.

00:41:22.100 It's not like, hey, watch out.

00:41:23.280 That guy's reporting to your boss.

00:41:24.480 You better do something about it.

00:41:25.500 Right, right.

00:41:26.100 It's like, I can't even do anything about it.

00:41:27.800 It's like, so why? 1.00

00:41:28.920 Like, it's like, you're the asshole for spreading it. 1.00

00:41:31.820 Remember that guy who fucking spread Tony Hinchcliffe's, like, joke that he was, like, 1.00

00:41:36.140 riffed on this comic and he was, like, making fun of him. 0.98

00:41:38.720 And then the guy's like, this is hurtful to the Asian community. 0.97

00:41:40.960 And then he spreads it to fucking, from 70 people to 70 million. 0.99

00:41:43.780 I know. 1.00

00:41:44.000 And you're like, why are you hurting the Asian community, you cunt? 1.00

00:41:46.400 Yeah, yeah. 0.99

00:41:47.120 Or it's the same thing when, like, somebody will say a certain word they're not supposed

00:41:50.160 to say.

00:41:50.540 Somebody will drop the M-bomb.

00:41:51.700 Sure, sure, sure.

00:41:52.460 Or do something, or, you know, K-I-K-E or something.

00:41:56.280 Is that the bad one?

00:41:57.240 No, it doesn't have the same.

00:41:58.940 It doesn't?

00:41:59.500 No.

00:42:00.040 Oh, dang.

00:42:00.480 Well, they got to tell us that, dude.

00:42:01.380 We would use it.

00:42:02.180 Yeah.

00:42:02.580 You know what I'm saying?

00:42:03.180 Go for K-I-K. 1.00

00:42:03.940 Everybody, free reign.

00:42:05.080 Go for K-I-K. 1.00

00:42:05.500 Okay, okay.

00:42:06.400 It's back.

00:42:07.020 But it's back.

00:42:11.280 Not a single, I mean, it's, I don't know when, alas, I'm a Jew would have been upset

00:42:14.420 about K-I-K.

00:42:15.000 Oh, wow, yeah.

00:42:16.040 Yeah.

00:42:16.460 Oh, yeah, we got to let people know that.

00:42:18.140 Write that down, Sean.

00:42:20.780 Interest rates.

00:42:21.340 Don't say interest rates.

00:42:22.200 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:42:22.640 Go for it.

00:42:26.740 But it's like, but then here's the messed up part.

00:42:31.840 The group making the article, they're the ones then, it's like, they're the ones spreading

00:42:38.000 and then profiting off of it.

00:42:39.620 Yeah, yeah.

00:42:39.900 That's what always burns me.

00:42:40.920 It's like, you're just telling people this so you can make money.

00:42:44.300 You're the one really telling everyone.

00:42:46.360 Yeah, Gia Tolentano, this writer, she used to write for Vulture, I think, one of those

00:42:50.780 like things that makes everybody angry, you know?

00:42:53.940 And she wrote this great book, Trick Mirror, and it's all about internet culture and stuff

00:42:58.220 like that.

00:42:58.580 And she goes, people used to get mad at me for the articles I wrote, not understanding

00:43:02.780 that my editor told me to write articles that would make people mad.

00:43:06.760 Yeah.

00:43:07.440 And it's like, I mean, that's what I'm going for.

00:43:10.640 Yeah. 1.00

00:43:11.000 To get you angry enough to come back to this fucking magazine. 1.00

00:43:13.240 Yeah, yeah, yeah. 0.99

00:43:13.860 Yeah, I mean, Stephen A. Smith does it good.

00:43:16.840 I've heard stories from the production there, Stephen A. Smith and Skip Bayless and those

00:43:20.400 guys that they have no idea what they're even saying anymore.

00:43:23.300 They are literally just putting out as many clips as they can of controversial stuff.

00:43:27.840 Controversial, yeah.

00:43:28.180 You want that for it to go.

00:43:29.860 Yeah.

00:43:30.960 Well, I remember whenever like, so whenever you had, so whenever you had the thing with

00:43:34.660 the Lakers, with the Kobe thing, were you shocked at how some comics treated you or

00:43:39.580 behaved towards you or responded?

00:43:41.480 Yeah, at first, but I mean like, you can't really be upset when you try to troll people

00:43:46.340 and you do troll them, you know, and you get them to be upset.

00:43:50.460 Oh, interesting.

00:43:51.840 I mean like, I like to root against the Lakers, but like, it's just sports, you know, I don't

00:43:55.280 really care.

00:43:56.080 Right. 0.99

00:43:56.240 But I've been shitting on the Lakers for 20 years since they started killing shows in 0.99

00:43:59.380 LA during the playoffs. 1.00

00:44:00.380 I'm like, fuck the Lakers. 1.00

00:44:01.400 Oh, that's a good point. 1.00

00:44:02.360 I started really reveling in the fucking hatred of them. 1.00

00:44:04.700 Oh, that would be the worst too, dude. 1.00

00:44:06.080 That happened to me a couple times.

00:44:07.200 We're like, oh yeah, we're not going to do it tonight because they made it to a game five. 0.89

00:44:09.480 And I'm like, it's game fucking four and they're up three nothing and it's the first 0.69

00:44:12.700 round. 1.00

00:44:13.200 Like, come on, you fucking fairweather cunts. 1.00

00:44:15.740 Come out to the comedy underground, places like that. 1.00

00:44:17.980 And the Lakers, I will say, it seemed like they just, it's just too stacked.

00:44:21.160 I don't like these stacked teams. 0.99

00:44:22.920 They're fucking collusion for sure. 1.00

00:44:25.720 Fuck them. 1.00

00:44:26.860 This whole bot team now. 1.00

00:44:28.820 And that's a fake championship last year. 0.99

00:44:30.940 It was an AAU fucking championship. 0.98

00:44:32.600 Nobody respects that as a real championship two years ago. 0.99

00:44:35.480 Yeah, yeah.

00:44:35.880 Two years ago. 0.99

00:44:37.480 But yeah, it's like you've, but then at first I was like, goddamn, you guys, come on. 0.95

00:44:41.040 Don't you know, it's just a comic making a joke. 0.95

00:44:43.240 Like, what are you doing?

00:44:44.040 Why would you take this stance?

00:44:45.780 But then you're like, step back.

00:44:47.800 You're like, no, I got you. 0.98

00:44:48.760 I mean, you got angry at me trying to make people angry at a fucking easy thing. 0.61

00:44:53.520 Yeah, that's so interesting. 0.75

00:44:54.920 I was thinking about that last night, like, does, like, it's weird when you walk the line

00:45:01.620 because you want to have, you want to get people upset, but you don't want to get them

00:45:07.060 so upset that they're like, so like a couple line crosses to me were like, you know, like

00:45:12.260 they call like, not me, but like other people.

00:45:14.280 They call my manager at home. 1.00

00:45:15.420 Like, we're going to come fuck you up. 1.00

00:45:16.740 Yeah. 1.00

00:45:16.960 Goddamn. 1.00

00:45:17.560 It was always Latinos, dude. 1.00

00:45:19.200 Yeah. 1.00

00:45:19.620 Or blacks or whatever, but or just dumb Laker fans. 1.00

00:45:22.040 It's like no one from London gave a fuck about that. 1.00

00:45:25.260 You know, and they were like, huh? 0.98

00:45:27.640 I mean, if I'm going to find you in front of Rooney or something, they'd be like, don't

00:45:30.480 do that.

00:45:31.440 You know, but it's just like, yeah, I triggered you.

00:45:33.180 But I did enjoy that all these comics were like, if you don't like a joke, just leave

00:45:36.940 the room.

00:45:37.400 It's not that hard.

00:45:38.240 And then they got one that triggered them.

00:45:40.040 And then they didn't know how to just leave the room.

00:45:42.280 They had to take the stance of some jokes go too far.

00:45:44.900 For the first time in their lives, they were like, some jokes go too far. 0.97

00:45:48.340 And I'm like, yeah, I feel like I exposed them into hypocrites. 0.95

00:45:51.500 It was great. 0.92

00:45:52.180 I really enjoyed it.

00:45:53.280 And that's what I was thinking yesterday.

00:45:54.920 Cause I even watched like a reaction that I had to when it happened.

00:45:58.540 And I was like, yeah, I was trying to make, and it's different.

00:46:04.260 Cause I feel almost differently.

00:46:05.580 Now you watch it back.

00:46:06.660 It doesn't even have like the same, it doesn't have the notch, right?

00:46:09.000 So people like too soon.

00:46:09.980 And I'm like, well, no, if you wait too long.

00:46:12.600 Which is always the issue with timing of jokes.

00:46:14.980 Just like you're saying with Chappelle, like with Dave Attell and Dave obviously is a big

00:46:19.940 name for good comedians.

00:46:21.020 I just realized that Chappelle and Attell.

00:46:22.480 Oh yeah.

00:46:23.300 Regular name like Dave gets you there.

00:46:25.180 Dave Chappelle, Dave Attell, Dave Taylor.

00:46:26.440 The top three.

00:46:27.020 Yeah.

00:46:27.320 There you go.

00:46:27.840 Top three Daves.

00:46:28.840 Yeah.

00:46:30.040 David Duke also.

00:46:31.180 Dave Duke.

00:46:31.600 One of the great, great leaders.

00:46:33.340 Great early troller.

00:46:34.940 Yeah.

00:46:35.360 He was like, no, I actually love Jews and blacks. 1.00

00:46:37.160 I just say shit. 1.00

00:46:38.060 It gets me votes for sure. 1.00

00:46:39.940 I like wearing white.

00:46:41.120 What can I do?

00:46:42.140 Yeah.

00:46:42.500 Yeah.

00:46:43.080 Oh yeah.

00:46:43.620 I even look, I even put this on late September.

00:46:46.180 You know what I'm saying?

00:46:47.020 You're not supposed to.

00:46:47.920 Yeah.

00:46:48.080 After like, yeah.

00:46:50.720 But no, that's one thing looking back, I was like, this is also fascinating.

00:46:54.560 Cause it's like, it made me wonder, well, what, what choices am I making and talking

00:47:00.220 about because I'm scared of repercussions?

00:47:02.520 What choices am I making and talking about?

00:47:04.500 Because do you get involved with a mob?

00:47:06.280 Cause like the mob is like, well, let me go with them.

00:47:07.900 I might not agree, but let me just walk the line.

00:47:10.020 And there's a safety in that too.

00:47:11.500 There's a safety in that dude.

00:47:12.920 I remember they had a news thing that came out like a few years back about me.

00:47:15.980 It was just about, it wasn't anything real bad, but it was just, it wasn't anything bad

00:47:19.880 really.

00:47:20.100 It was just something about my life.

00:47:21.360 And it was, but it was on, I remember being at the gym and seeing on the ticker on the bottom

00:47:25.040 of like, it was a slow news day and they had my name on there and I was like,

00:47:30.700 Oh my God, everybody, but this, but it was so scary to me.

00:47:34.280 Well, they say you had a fake mullet.

00:47:35.420 They say it on, you've been clipping on your mullet for years.

00:47:38.520 Like sewing it in.

00:47:46.140 Sean comes over with Betsy Ross and sews it into the back of my head.

00:47:49.460 It's like, we got to get it ready.

00:47:50.460 I'd be like, like, oh, you can't mention this by the way.

00:47:53.380 Sorry. 0.98

00:47:53.520 Dude, I was in Thailand at this fucking hippie place once and some lady sold tie on dreads 0.99

00:47:59.100 for white people so they could live the life of the week that they were there. 0.99

00:48:03.600 But here's the crazy part.

00:48:05.460 So whoever buys those and puts them on, they get in trouble for cultural appropriation.

00:48:09.420 But the business of it just keeps on booming.

00:48:13.180 Oh yeah.

00:48:13.480 Who do you think sells those Black Lives Matter shirts? 0.98

00:48:15.640 It's just some white dude. 1.00

00:48:16.700 It's like, I don't give a fuck. 0.99

00:48:18.380 I'm making this in Indonesia and I'm fucking cashing in. 0.99

00:48:21.960 But yeah, so how'd you feel when you saw your name in the ticker or what happened? 0.80

00:48:25.680 It may, I felt overwhelmed.

00:48:27.000 I remember calling the publicist, this guy Rob Greenwald, great guy.

00:48:31.280 Is it?

00:48:31.560 Yeah.

00:48:31.780 Rob's a great guy, man.

00:48:32.820 Great guy.

00:48:33.220 Well, Rob, I remember, dude, I just now remembered.

00:48:35.280 I saw him out.

00:48:36.040 He went to see your Jew taping or Jew, you were running at the comedy store and I saw him 0.91

00:48:41.140 right after and he's like, I'm Jewish, man.

00:48:43.360 And I love, you know, he was just saying how much he loved your special.

00:48:46.040 I just remembered that.

00:48:47.000 Um, but anyway, uh, so yeah, I just remember just texting him or emailing him and I'd be

00:48:53.300 like, dude, I just make it stop.

00:48:54.820 I don't want, here's what it was.

00:48:56.200 It was too much stuff that was out of my control happening at once that I had no control over

00:49:02.720 like little articles.

00:49:04.100 And, um, it was about dating.

00:49:06.100 I dated like a real housewives lady. 0.84

00:49:07.700 Right.

00:49:08.440 And so it was just a slow news day.

00:49:11.580 So for some reason it was just, but I remember being in the gym and seeing it go on the ticker

00:49:16.780 and I'm like, what?

00:49:18.040 Isn't there a stock or something?

00:49:19.180 That's how you found out about it?

00:49:20.180 That's supposed to be on there?

00:49:21.300 Yeah.

00:49:21.740 And then I, and then it was all over.

00:49:23.460 And I remember texting my manager, um, Eti Rice and this guy and Rob Greenwood just

00:49:28.240 being like, guys, can you make it stop?

00:49:29.640 And it wasn't, it wasn't bad, but it was just something that was so out of my control.

00:49:35.080 And I feel like for me as a comedian, instead of you always want to be able to control your

00:49:38.700 little world.

00:49:39.200 And that's, what's so scary about the media and the way things are nowadays is that there's 0.98

00:49:44.380 this, there's these other tidal waves sometimes that you have to be willing to fucking ride. 0.97

00:49:50.020 Yeah. 0.98

00:49:50.420 Yeah.

00:49:50.620 You have to like sit back on the, like, if you want to poke a bear, you can't be that

00:49:53.560 mad when the bear swings back, you know?

00:49:55.320 Cause that's like, and I'm too afraid, I think, whereas you're like a Kelly Slater.

00:49:58.900 I feel like you're willing to be out there on the wave.

00:50:01.760 Like I didn't like all the negative stuff, but like the act on itself, that troll was

00:50:06.600 maybe my best one.

00:50:07.420 I mean, I brought a city to its knees, you know what I mean?

00:50:10.780 So like, it would have been nice if it was two weeks after my special taping instead of

00:50:13.740 two weeks before.

00:50:14.520 Oh yeah.

00:50:15.120 But like, I crushed that town, dude. 0.97

00:50:17.800 I fucking crushed that town and I crushed all of LA comedy. 1.00

00:50:20.620 I exposed them for the fucking garbage hypocrites with no integrity that they are. 1.00

00:50:25.700 Yeah. 1.00

00:50:26.080 With just a little, a pinprick of negativity on my own account and you just watch them spread

00:50:31.540 it.

00:50:31.840 Oh, it was the best one.

00:50:33.720 It was the best one.

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00:52:47.740 Was there, how long did it take you to get over like, because I'm sure there was discomfort

00:52:51.680 with it too.

00:52:52.820 I mean, I was, I felt discomfort just because I just remember, like, is this so out of his

00:52:57.780 control that it has to be harrowing in a bit?

00:53:01.220 Yeah, it was weird because like, so like we're comics, right?

00:53:03.280 So anytime something like that happens, we want to express it and make jokes about it.

00:53:06.060 But then it was like, they were doing this thing where they were taking my, my Twitter

00:53:08.800 feed and they'd be like, like galvanizing on there and like doxing other people in my

00:53:14.880 life.

00:53:15.280 That's where they put my manager's number and address on there.

00:53:18.660 And I'm like, what?

00:53:19.960 And so Rob was like, dude, you gotta, you gotta take that tweet down.

00:53:23.220 You gotta, like, they're using it to attack others. 0.99

00:53:25.440 And I'm like, God damn. 0.99

00:53:26.960 So you had to like make stuff, but like, I want to just keep going back at him because 1.00

00:53:29.800 who gives a fuck? 0.99

00:53:30.500 You know? 1.00

00:53:30.860 Yeah.

00:53:31.140 Duncan was like, you should like make a bunch of stuff.

00:53:33.200 It's like, they threw a basketball through my window, make it crazier and crazier.

00:53:38.760 Like Tim Dillon, that would have been perfect if Tim Dillon was really on his hype train

00:53:43.580 at this, or really was on his horse.

00:53:45.380 Yeah.

00:53:45.620 Cause he's so good at just carrying stuff out into the ether, you know?

00:53:50.440 Yeah.

00:53:50.800 We did have a fun one, me and Bert and, uh, and, uh, and Tom, and we're all talking about

00:53:54.840 it and Rogan.

00:53:55.220 And then we're like laughing about it and stuff, privately laughing about it, you know, 0.97

00:53:59.460 publicly he's called it worse than nine 11 and the, uh, and the fucking, uh, hurricane. 0.95

00:54:04.200 Is that what Joe said? 0.98

00:54:05.100 No, Bert.

00:54:05.980 Oh, Bert is.

00:54:06.540 You know, it's something terrible like nine 11 or, or a tsunami or Kobe Bryant's death. 1.00

00:54:10.780 You're like, you're a fucking idiot. 1.00

00:54:12.220 But in LA, it feels like that. 1.00

00:54:13.720 I know.

00:54:14.020 It really is.

00:54:14.660 It's their hurricane Ida.

00:54:15.880 It's like, it really is. 1.00

00:54:17.360 And they did not like you bring it up that fuck. 0.99

00:54:19.860 It's, you remember when Phil Mickelson was great, but hadn't won a major. 0.99

00:54:22.000 And it was like that thing, you know, that rape, that rape thing was the thing. 0.89

00:54:25.980 So that's what you poke at, you know?

00:54:27.720 But like, they hate you bringing it up.

00:54:30.000 Yeah.

00:54:30.220 They hate you bringing it up.

00:54:31.480 They'll go after anybody who does. 1.00

00:54:33.800 Um, that chick from Westworld mentioned it and they fucking went after her so fucking 0.99

00:54:38.060 hard. 0.99

00:54:39.520 That Rappaport dude fucking went after her so fucking hard until she had a Rappaport 1.00

00:54:43.580 is a fricking snake, dude. 1.00

00:54:45.360 That's funny. 0.94

00:54:45.860 Yeah.

00:54:46.000 He's a man.

00:54:47.980 Yeah.

00:54:48.620 That's what he is.

00:54:49.660 It's what he is.

00:54:50.520 Yeah. 0.84

00:54:50.680 But is he just a troll? 0.72

00:54:53.520 So here's the deal. 0.89

00:54:54.620 That's his art form, right?

00:54:55.900 His art form is to be a, not a contrarian, but a, but a, but like I'm angry about an 0.87

00:55:00.320 instigator almost or something.

00:55:01.500 Not an instigator, but just to be mad about something.

00:55:03.540 Dick Sting Donald. 0.56

00:55:04.500 Yeah.

00:55:04.740 Yeah. 1.00

00:55:04.900 He'll walk along like those fucking, it's like a 20 year old walk. 1.00

00:55:08.700 Like I know he looks at that thing and you see him on the screen, but that's a grown 1.00

00:55:13.700 man walking on the sidewalk talking to his cell phone.

00:55:17.180 Yeah.

00:55:17.460 So like, but that's his thing, right?

00:55:19.400 So you have to allow him to do his thing.

00:55:20.800 You can't be mad just because the thing got pointed at you.

00:55:23.540 Right. 0.99

00:55:23.960 Once, you know, he's looking to like shit on things. 0.99

00:55:26.140 So like, I went in there. 0.99

00:55:27.680 Yeah.

00:55:27.700 Cause that's the weird thing.

00:55:28.460 When you pushed it, when you push that envelope, you are, cause that's what's so interesting.

00:55:32.980 So he, you want to get as much hype as you can out of stuff, but when it gets to, when

00:55:38.840 that, when that fricking big, like when the big spin of the wheel really stops right on

00:55:43.920 you, it's almost like it's, uh, it's too much.

00:55:48.420 That's, it's almost just like telling a joke and it just is too far.

00:55:52.480 It's like, it's like when you, cause you're always risking telling the joke.

00:55:55.800 That's the line.

00:55:56.560 You want to be right there at the line.

00:55:58.460 Yeah.

00:55:58.620 You want to be right there. 1.00

00:55:59.220 But the thing is, so like that guy in Providence who was like, fuck you. 1.00

00:56:02.020 It's not funny to him. 1.00

00:56:03.060 It was over the line.

00:56:04.060 Right.

00:56:04.220 The rest of the crowd was fine.

00:56:05.520 Right.

00:56:05.780 And then you got to sink.

00:56:07.160 Who's your crowd.

00:56:08.000 So if that, if he tells that at a nine 11 Memorial, well, you're going to get a lot 1.00

00:56:12.000 more people than who were there in that Providence room.

00:56:14.300 They're going to hate me and say that was a terrible joke.

00:56:16.440 Shouldn't have done it.

00:56:17.080 Right. 1.00

00:56:17.540 Louie's fucking Parkland joke. 1.00

00:56:19.000 What? 1.00

00:56:19.260 Then it went out to a bunch of people who never should have heard it.

00:56:22.080 Right.

00:56:22.480 And like, no, your audience.

00:56:23.380 And it's like, yeah, we do know our audience.

00:56:25.480 Yeah.

00:56:25.640 We do.

00:56:25.900 It's my Twitter followers or my audience in the room.

00:56:29.080 It's not the people who aren't there.

00:56:30.520 Yeah.

00:56:31.440 It's strange, but it's funny too.

00:56:33.260 I don't know.

00:56:33.600 You got to respect people doing their art form.

00:56:35.180 You got to respect people doing what they do.

00:56:36.660 And if one of the things is like hot button topics and personally, I remember one of my

00:56:42.600 many, like, I mean, I've, I've been through these things before, so I'm prepared for it.

00:56:47.340 But one of them, um, from a special, it was like somebody got mad at me for, for doing

00:56:52.360 a bit about them and, uh, and, um, Eleanor and Diaz were talking.

00:56:55.920 It was like, Ooh, it was pretty bad.

00:56:57.280 But Diaz was like, yeah, but that's our friend.

00:56:59.460 And then I was like, Oh yeah, yeah, you're right.

00:57:01.620 Like in the story.

00:57:02.520 It's our buddy.

00:57:03.220 In the story.

00:57:03.780 Like you don't have to say anything if it's about your buddy, but now we're in this world 0.98

00:57:07.320 where it's like, I need to be first to a fucking YouTube. 0.96

00:57:10.640 To comment or, yeah. 0.99

00:57:11.800 Yeah.

00:57:11.980 People.

00:57:12.400 And they, and then also other people start hitting you up.

00:57:14.640 What do you think about this?

00:57:15.580 What do you, so you didn't everybody, there's all like.

00:57:18.040 Like, well, they've asked us, they've asked me multiple times about like, to speak about

00:57:23.160 now I'm not even saying this, but some of the people we know have come up in the news

00:57:27.640 and like offstage stuff.

00:57:29.440 Oh yeah.

00:57:30.080 And like, when are you going to mention it?

00:57:31.200 And I don't even respond, but the answer is never.

00:57:33.940 That's a friend of mine.

00:57:34.900 That's someone I've shaken hands with.

00:57:36.320 Right.

00:57:36.600 Even if I don't hang out with them all the time, what are you talking about? 0.99

00:57:39.720 I'm not going to lose my fucking humanity so I can fucking speak to a bunch of strangers. 0.98

00:57:44.000 See, that's interesting because I saw, I, then I, cause I'll look back on things. 0.99

00:57:48.160 I'm like, why did I really feel like I had to speak on that?

00:57:50.600 Why did you?

00:57:50.980 It's this feeling that'll pass.

00:57:52.800 So you can learn from it and next time not do it, you know, but like there's, there's,

00:57:57.720 you just don't have to.

00:57:58.760 Yeah.

00:57:58.980 You just don't have to.

00:58:00.000 I saw.

00:58:00.840 Yeah.

00:58:01.140 And so I wonder where does that come from for me?

00:58:02.500 Is it like a fear?

00:58:03.440 Is it like, yeah, I think it's probably some fear of everybody not liking me.

00:58:06.560 Same thing with posting a black lives matter square. 0.82

00:58:08.500 It's like, if you don't, are they going to look at me?

00:58:11.140 Are they going to, are they going to be mad?

00:58:12.600 But it's like.

00:58:12.940 Oh, dude, I put up my black lives matter square. 0.64

00:58:15.100 I didn't know what to do.

00:58:16.060 I was kind of spooked, I guess.

00:58:17.500 Yeah.

00:58:17.760 Cause I'm trying to do a Netflix and in my head, I'm like, well, if I don't do this,

00:58:20.720 then the Netflix festival isn't going to happen.

00:58:22.140 We've already gone down this road.

00:58:23.360 The deal's there.

00:58:24.220 I'll lose it.

00:58:25.000 Then I'm like, they'll take it and I won't be able to get it back.

00:58:27.960 It's like all this stuff gets hit stuck in your head kind of.

00:58:30.640 And also I have black friends.

00:58:31.740 I didn't know what was going on. 0.84

00:58:32.460 The first time some, a black woman hits me up and it's like, you, you did this all wrong. 1.00

00:58:37.060 Motherfucker. 1.00

00:58:37.420 This ain't the right shade or something. 1.00

00:58:38.840 Exactly.

00:58:39.220 That's why.

00:58:39.520 And so that's why I was like, and you want to be like, no, you're not the right shade 0.99

00:58:42.780 of black.

00:58:43.720 High yellow.

00:58:45.000 Yeah.

00:58:46.060 Yeah.

00:58:46.740 Yeah.

00:58:47.160 I don't know.

00:58:47.660 It's like, I don't know.

00:58:49.140 But no, it's, no, it's interesting.

00:58:50.400 Cause it makes me look at myself like, yeah.

00:58:52.040 Why do I feel the need?

00:58:53.540 Who do I feel like?

00:58:54.900 Do I feel like I have to defend?

00:58:56.900 Um, and then sometimes you also want to be there to kind of defend or, or help soften

00:59:01.140 some of what the blow is.

00:59:02.380 Right.

00:59:02.520 So with Tony, I was trying to do that.

00:59:04.200 That's what I did.

00:59:04.840 That's what I tried to do too.

00:59:05.840 And even at the end, I remember the thing I was talking about you, I said, I didn't,

00:59:10.340 it's what he's going for.

00:59:13.040 So you have to recognize that that's what he's going for.

00:59:16.100 Like the way things land in the, if it hits that trampoline and then it hits the whole

00:59:20.440 world, it wasn't, I don't know if it's supposed to or not.

00:59:24.040 Yeah.

00:59:24.380 It was a great one for sure.

00:59:25.820 Would you do it again?

00:59:26.720 You think, or did you have any percent?

00:59:28.200 Yeah.

00:59:28.540 I mean, there's no way I can't, because here's the deal, man.

00:59:30.980 I've committed to, to this life and, and, and, and by this life, I don't mean offenses.

00:59:36.060 I mean doing the jokes that I find funny whenever I find them funny.

00:59:39.980 And that's one, that's one thing I really admire about you the most, man.

00:59:42.200 Thanks, buddy.

00:59:42.700 So, so if you start considering the repercussions and not like more repercussions, like, like

00:59:47.960 I, yeah, I'm not going to go to somebody's funeral and do that.

00:59:50.260 That's the wrong place.

00:59:51.040 Right.

00:59:51.580 But I'm like, no, I'm doing it to my audience.

00:59:53.540 I can't be worried about if it's going to take anything out of it.

00:59:55.820 I have a nice life and I'm completely free.

00:59:58.960 Yeah.

00:59:59.240 So I'm not going to give that up because I might have more money or be able to do more

01:00:03.320 things.

01:00:04.640 And like, by the way, I took a lie detector on this, on Legion of Skanks. 0.96

01:00:08.020 They're like, do you regret the Kobe tweet?

01:00:09.880 I'm like, no.

01:00:10.320 Oh, I have to go back and go back to that.

01:00:12.180 Absolutely.

01:00:12.640 The crushed reaction, maybe.

01:00:15.040 But it would have been nice if people were like, hey guys, that's what a joke is.

01:00:17.800 You have to allow comics to make jokes.

01:00:20.220 Right, right, right.

01:00:20.900 And that's really, I think that's the thing that we should all be saying, I guess.

01:00:25.360 We should all be defending each other because we want to tell young comics, we will get your

01:00:29.400 back.

01:00:29.980 If the line moves behind you, we're not talking about action.

01:00:32.840 We're talking about whatever you're trying to do for a joke.

01:00:35.140 We will have your back, young comics.

01:00:37.160 Yeah.

01:00:37.600 We will always say like, and not to say like, hey, I didn't find it funny, but it's right. 0.99

01:00:42.300 Leave that shit out. 0.99

01:00:43.880 Just be like, yeah, guys, clearly here's the joke. 1.00

01:00:45.780 Here's what he's going for.

01:00:46.660 Right.

01:00:47.180 Well, did you find it funny?

01:00:47.900 He's like, what's the difference?

01:00:49.260 It's got nothing to do with it.

01:00:50.220 There's plenty of like specials from comics that aren't funny that I would never mention

01:00:54.540 because it's not offensive, right?

01:00:55.840 Right.

01:00:55.940 So you're not like, this guy's special wasn't good.

01:00:58.580 Like, you wouldn't say that.

01:00:59.440 So why would you say it when they're under attack?

01:01:01.240 Yeah.

01:01:01.700 It's nutty.

01:01:02.680 I have had a few people apologize to me.

01:01:04.860 A couple like black comics specifically.

01:01:06.960 Like Godfrey?

01:01:08.780 No.

01:01:09.680 He's an actor.

01:01:10.620 He's fine.

01:01:11.080 No, no.

01:01:11.480 He did.

01:01:11.800 He was like, I told you I had to say something.

01:01:13.320 He was not like actually angry.

01:01:14.980 That is good.

01:01:15.480 That's actually a pretty good impersonation to Godfrey too.

01:01:17.260 Actually did not bad.

01:01:18.140 Me and Sam Murillo sitting there, he came up to me.

01:01:20.040 I thought he was going to beat me up.

01:01:21.400 Wow.

01:01:21.600 And he was like, I told you I was going to say something.

01:01:23.460 All right, buddy.

01:01:24.040 And then Sam's like, you got to respect the honesty.

01:01:26.360 I guess so.

01:01:27.400 Yeah, that's true too.

01:01:28.400 I think is, yeah.

01:01:29.240 Like if somebody can then say, yeah, everybody's playing kind of their game or playing the best

01:01:33.060 game that they can.

01:01:34.260 Yeah.

01:01:34.800 But Mike Yard came up to me. 0.98

01:01:36.180 He was like, dude, when I saw that, I was like, what the fuck are you doing? 0.96

01:01:39.240 And then somebody's like, oh, I get it. 0.99

01:01:40.740 Like you make fun of like dead celebrities because you're poking fun at like the people

01:01:44.400 who overvalue these lives of celebrities.

01:01:46.300 Like I get it now.

01:01:46.860 I didn't get it at first.

01:01:47.620 I'm like, oh, thanks.

01:01:48.480 Or Kareem Green was like, not Kareem Green. 0.98

01:01:53.000 Jimmy Martinez was like, yeah, I said some shit about you, man, but I shouldn't have. 0.98

01:01:57.520 I get it now. 0.98

01:01:58.320 I get what you're doing.

01:01:58.940 I should have like defended you as a comedian.

01:02:01.360 I'm like, thanks for saying that.

01:02:02.400 Yeah.

01:02:02.620 So a few people did, but you know, now that the emotions are gone, but it's also fun when

01:02:07.560 you see people still mad about one of the many like lines I've crossed and they're still

01:02:11.880 angry.

01:02:12.480 Somebody, the other day was like pointing out a Beyonce tweet that I made.

01:02:16.420 Like what about this?

01:02:17.360 Yeah.

01:02:17.560 After lemonade.

01:02:18.380 Exactly.

01:02:18.800 I'll never forgive you.

01:02:20.160 Okay.

01:02:21.140 Okay. 1.00

01:02:22.060 I'm definitely going to think you're a dork. 1.00

01:02:25.020 Wow. 1.00

01:02:25.640 Yeah.

01:02:25.800 It's fun.

01:02:26.240 I don't know. 1.00

01:02:26.520 It's fun to fuck with people. 0.99

01:02:27.240 No, it's, I, it's like, but it's also, it's just the preservation of it all, man. 0.99

01:02:32.140 And that's why I appreciate you even talking about me with this.

01:02:34.820 Cause I started to feel, yeah, that's what I was thinking.

01:02:37.420 Like, when is it okay?

01:02:39.820 When do I feel pressure to defend the freedom of speech?

01:02:42.740 We've been talking about it recently with like, um, like people not want to do the flag

01:02:47.240 and it's all kinds of stuff.

01:02:48.240 It's like freedom of speech, not one to like, you know, like, or like a teacher took the

01:02:52.060 flag down in her classroom and like, didn't have it in there. 0.90

01:02:54.760 And like my teacher, when I was growing up, like she made us all kind of do it or at

01:02:58.860 least asked us to stand there.

01:03:00.140 Like whether or not she, it was just like.

01:03:02.140 To kind of corral us.

01:03:03.420 It was like kind of a unifying, at least she cares.

01:03:05.340 Allegiance?

01:03:05.880 Yeah.

01:03:06.140 Yeah, I remember that.

01:03:06.840 And it was like, I don't know if I cared as much as a kid.

01:03:09.580 It's not like I was standing there, but I like, you know, our teacher did it.

01:03:12.520 It was like, she was our liaison.

01:03:13.940 And then now a teacher was like, uh, I put the flag away.

01:03:17.000 It seems like it'd be a thing of trouble in my classroom.

01:03:19.180 And, and now at first I was like, man, I felt like maybe she shouldn't have done that.

01:03:23.120 But then I'm like, you got it.

01:03:25.560 Freedom of speech is freedom of speech.

01:03:26.980 The problem is there's just, everybody's speech can get everywhere now.

01:03:30.840 Yeah.

01:03:31.360 And I don't know if it's a problem.

01:03:32.360 It's just a curve we're still adapting to.

01:03:34.780 It is weird because, so there's like, there's like, you have different selves, right?

01:03:38.340 The way you talk to me is going to be way different than the way you talk to a pastor.

01:03:41.920 Right.

01:03:42.160 Way different than to talk to your mom.

01:03:43.400 Um, your high school friends is different than your comedian friends.

01:03:46.700 You have many selves.

01:03:48.620 And now it's just like coming together into oneself.

01:03:51.760 And Mark Zuckerberg's talking about this.

01:03:53.280 And it was like, this is a problem because you're losing all these different masks you

01:03:56.480 wear in different situations.

01:03:57.960 You know, I'm not going to curse in front of my mom.

01:04:00.040 Right.

01:04:00.700 I might, but I'm not, I'm not trying not to, but you and I, okay, I might even think twice

01:04:05.380 about it.

01:04:05.740 Right.

01:04:06.040 You know, AM radio or FM radio versus podcasts.

01:04:08.620 Right.

01:04:09.040 You know, it's just like, you have that line in your head.

01:04:10.960 And Zuckerberg says, no, I think there should only be oneself to everybody.

01:04:15.380 And I think that's dangerous because when you lose like artistic differences, you lose

01:04:20.340 like wild strokes of, of, of, of, of art when everybody's trying not to offend anybody.

01:04:26.140 It's like, you're not even supposed to be here.

01:04:27.620 What am I worried about?

01:04:28.640 Right.

01:04:29.260 Well, that's what it feels like.

01:04:30.240 Then it feels like I'm not even supposed to be here because it's an unfat, it's an 0.99

01:04:35.200 unrealistic expectation of a human.

01:04:38.320 Right.

01:04:38.680 So then I start to feel like, it's crazy when you said that, it just hit me.

01:04:42.080 I feel like, well, why am I even here?

01:04:44.500 This isn't a safe world for me to even be in because that's impossible.

01:04:48.680 Because they're throwing you to every, where you wouldn't even be appreciated.

01:04:51.040 Every wolf.

01:04:52.060 I remember, I remember it hit me.

01:04:53.480 The first time it hit me was Cecil the lion.

01:04:55.640 Remember that?

01:04:56.340 Mm-hmm.

01:04:56.600 Some dude killed a lion in Zimbabwe or Zaire.

01:05:00.120 Maybe let's hope Zimbabwe or Zaire. 1.00

01:05:03.000 Cecil the lion.

01:05:05.020 Zimbabwe.

01:05:05.840 Oh, yeah.

01:05:06.460 I remember this thing.

01:05:07.820 They killed that lion.

01:05:08.240 In a black mane. 0.87

01:05:08.860 This dentist killed him. 0.99

01:05:10.340 And it was an arrow by American Recreational Big Dumb Hunter. 0.53

01:05:13.580 Yeah.

01:05:14.540 And everybody was really, real mad.

01:05:16.700 Mm-hmm.

01:05:19.160 They hated him.

01:05:19.980 I remember talking to a cab driver.

01:05:21.280 We just heard it on the news.

01:05:22.120 We both bonded. 1.00

01:05:23.460 Like, fuck this guy. 1.00

01:05:24.480 Fuck this dentist dude. 1.00

01:05:25.640 Fucking killing a lion? 1.00

01:05:27.040 Cecil? 1.00

01:05:27.660 Yeah.

01:05:27.860 Beautiful lion?

01:05:28.480 Yeah, Cecil.

01:05:29.040 I love how they put that name in.

01:05:30.060 And the name also kind of urban.

01:05:31.860 Makes you think, oh, this guy.

01:05:33.000 But, you know, this guy didn't make a sports squad or something.

01:05:36.860 And I remember being legitimately angry.

01:05:38.280 And then I found out later a little bit more where it's like, oh, no, Zimbabwe gives out

01:05:41.980 like 40 permits to kill lions a year because they have to keep the population down because

01:05:46.360 then you hear more stories like, yeah, a lion killed my brother, man. 0.99

01:05:49.040 We need to keep the population down if they're too close to fucking whatever. 0.99

01:05:52.560 Rogan pointed out for a tiger, a lion to get a black mane, that means he's way old. 1.00

01:05:57.560 That means he killed tons of fucking lion cubs. 1.00

01:05:59.760 That lion probably killed like 20 lion cubs. 1.00

01:06:03.460 But we had the story of like, I'm supposed to be mad at this dude who killed Cecil.

01:06:06.640 And then you find out more and more about it.

01:06:07.980 And you're like, oh, no, this was totally legit.

01:06:09.720 Right.

01:06:10.860 Well, also, I love how they put his born date on here.

01:06:13.580 Like, you know what I'm saying?

01:06:14.600 2002.

01:06:15.180 Just to add to that.

01:06:16.220 Just to add to the, oh, look, he was only 13.

01:06:18.540 Because he had arrow wounds.

01:06:19.280 Like he was in junior high school or something.

01:06:21.220 Yeah, I think that's an old lion.

01:06:22.560 Yeah, he was a park land survivor.

01:06:25.080 But then it hit me, like, whenever I'm angry about these things, like, they're probably hiding a detail or two to make me angrier.

01:06:31.460 Right.

01:06:31.880 Hinchcliffe, too.

01:06:32.600 They're like, they just hid details to make you angry.

01:06:34.880 And then they'll reveal the details later, but the emotion's already there. 1.00

01:06:37.260 You're like, no, fuck this. 0.99

01:06:38.600 Yes, that's what's interesting. 1.00

01:06:39.840 Or they hide, like, Louie's ass to jerk off in front of lots of people who said yes. 0.99

01:06:44.280 And then they just don't include that in the story. 1.00

01:06:46.340 Right.

01:06:46.660 He's like that dolphin.

01:06:47.640 He's like the trick dolphin.

01:06:49.180 Yeah.

01:06:49.940 What do you mean?

01:06:50.540 Like the, you know, it's like, let's see him do his trick.

01:06:52.340 Like, you know, hey, I'm sure there's been parties where people are drunk and like, hey, get Louie in here. 0.98

01:06:55.700 He'll jerk off. 0.99

01:06:56.620 Yeah, yeah, yeah. 0.99

01:06:57.060 And everyone's totally cool with it.

01:06:58.160 And then suddenly you leave all those out.

01:06:59.540 And it's just like, you just show one thing.

01:07:01.300 Like, if they just show me calling Bobby Lee a gook, you know, but they cut out him right before calling me a kike.

01:07:07.860 Right.

01:07:08.220 It looks really bad.

01:07:10.080 But then, like, you have to show all the context.

01:07:11.780 And if you show it later, people are like, nah, still, I've already decided I'm angry.

01:07:15.740 This is another reason I knew people, like, are married to their anger. 0.99

01:07:18.140 When those amazing racist stuff came out, people are like, that's so fucking, how dare you fucking do that? 0.98

01:07:21.960 It was so funny when you get on that boat, dude. 0.99

01:07:23.720 Yeah, yeah. 1.00

01:07:24.220 Fucking preach, dude. 0.99

01:07:25.340 But I'd pick people up at Home Depot. 1.00

01:07:27.420 They were working and I'd drive them to the INS building.

01:07:29.980 And then people would get mad.

01:07:31.040 And then I was like, by the way, you know, those were actors.

01:07:35.040 I paid them 50 bucks.

01:07:36.320 Right.

01:07:37.240 And I drove them back.

01:07:38.840 They're not even, like, workers.

01:07:40.300 They're just actors.

01:07:41.200 They filled out, like, a form and we paid them and they did it.

01:07:44.200 And people are like, oh, still.

01:07:45.760 I'm like, wait, you're just as angry?

01:07:47.440 You thought I was picking up undocumented workers and driving them to the INS.

01:07:50.760 And then you found out, I'm just doing a sketch about it.

01:07:54.380 And you're equally as angry?

01:07:56.540 Not even a little less angry?

01:07:58.400 And then you're like, no, no.

01:07:59.100 People just get married to that anger. 0.98

01:08:01.320 Yeah, what is that?

01:08:02.380 Why do we not, we don't.

01:08:03.860 It's a weird emotion, huh?

01:08:05.160 Anger?

01:08:06.400 It isn't.

01:08:07.040 But then also to not let it, to not then be willing.

01:08:10.740 Yes.

01:08:11.020 All right.

01:08:11.400 That's what's also interesting.

01:08:12.840 Yeah.

01:08:13.220 It's like, and I'm right.

01:08:14.340 And it's like a, it's fascinating, man.

01:08:17.140 And I appreciate you letting me think about this with you because it's, yeah, it's fascinating.

01:08:21.520 Yeah, it's like, how do we do better ourselves?

01:08:22.040 Because I've done it too.

01:08:22.840 I've, like, unfairly, like.

01:08:24.240 Like, yeah, I jumped to it.

01:08:26.840 Sometimes it depends on how I'm feeling that day.

01:08:28.840 Well, I remember with the Tony thing, the Hinchcliffe thing with the Asian comedian, 1.00

01:08:32.720 I heard he's been doing that all week.

01:08:34.840 And it's like, and that they were fine with it.

01:08:38.160 Or, but why didn't they, why didn't the comedian ask him first?

01:08:40.880 It's like, sometimes it's like the use of it.

01:08:42.960 How are you, if you're just using this as like a springboard for yourself.

01:08:46.640 That's the thing too.

01:08:46.820 It's like, it's a weird thing in comedy now.

01:08:48.520 I don't know, I think it's because we got too big and now we're, like, worried about 0.84

01:08:51.380 keeping our fame and our podcast advertisements and all that shit. 0.90

01:08:54.400 And it's like, dude, we were making 20 grand a year and we were able to give up money like 0.81

01:08:58.560 it was nothing.

01:08:59.640 And now that we're making, or some people, not me, but some people are making millions

01:09:02.600 and now it's like, I can't afford to lose 20 grand.

01:09:04.520 Right.

01:09:04.960 And it's like, what do you mean? 0.99

01:09:06.140 Now more than ever, you shouldn't give a shit. 0.99

01:09:08.460 But, yeah, I don't know. 0.99

01:09:11.580 But, like, no one could just be like.

01:09:14.200 But, it's also, I think we might be going, we might have been going through the adapting

01:09:20.340 to it.

01:09:21.740 Yeah, maybe.

01:09:22.800 You know.

01:09:23.360 I think that the internet's making people sick too.

01:09:25.520 Oh, dude.

01:09:26.260 I think they caught the sickness.

01:09:27.380 A lot of people caught the sickness.

01:09:28.820 I think a lot of times, you know, we'll stop like nicotine and things like that, but

01:09:32.640 it's like, there's nothing that's killing us more than this constant reflection of ourselves

01:09:37.300 and the unable to meet the demand of an unrealistic expectation that's put in front of you constantly.

01:09:44.200 I struggle with it, getting offline completely.

01:09:46.280 Yeah.

01:09:46.620 It's hard, man.

01:09:47.660 You know, it's interesting.

01:09:48.160 We make our money not being off.

01:09:49.500 You know, we make our money being on there.

01:09:50.920 So, it's like.

01:09:51.680 Right.

01:09:52.060 I mean, I ended my Twitter account probably five months ago.

01:09:54.680 I just like, this is all negative now.

01:09:56.660 Twitter is all negative.

01:09:57.520 But, I know I gave up a lot of money doing that.

01:10:00.100 Right.

01:10:01.060 You're like, I'm going to say, I'm going to admit that, yeah, 5% of my money is going

01:10:04.360 to come from either views or people seeing links.

01:10:06.240 Promoting my shows.

01:10:07.080 Exactly.

01:10:07.520 And I'm like, I can't do that anymore.

01:10:08.620 But, like, it's not healthy for me.

01:10:10.540 Yeah.

01:10:12.700 Yeah.

01:10:13.020 I don't know.

01:10:13.300 We got to combat it in ourselves somehow.

01:10:15.120 I don't know how to do it.

01:10:16.060 And I think some of it is just you learn as things come through.

01:10:19.560 You know, it's like.

01:10:20.680 I think they got to regulate the internet, man.

01:10:23.440 Dave Smith, I was talking to him about it.

01:10:24.760 He's a real big libertarian.

01:10:26.140 He, like, helps me make my views on, like, on politics in general.

01:10:29.400 Just like, if I'm not hurting anybody, what's the difference?

01:10:32.840 You know?

01:10:33.880 Do cocaine in your own home.

01:10:35.260 Like, what's the difference?

01:10:36.160 Don't drive and drink.

01:10:37.920 You know, that's hurting other people.

01:10:39.360 Right.

01:10:39.620 But drink at home, you know, I don't care.

01:10:43.000 Drink yourself deaf. 0.91

01:10:43.940 Yeah.

01:10:44.120 It doesn't matter.

01:10:44.940 But, like, but so he's like, well, you know, the internet's like, you're free not to use it.

01:10:50.740 But I'm like, well, you're not really socially free not to use it.

01:10:53.220 You're not.

01:10:53.980 They've made it so you need it for almost anything.

01:10:56.040 Yeah.

01:10:56.400 With Apple Pay. 1.00

01:10:57.360 With fucking. 1.00

01:10:58.280 You can't get a city bike without your fucking. 1.00

01:11:00.120 Unless you have one of the old keys. 1.00

01:11:01.280 You can't get a city bike without your cell phone. 0.99

01:11:03.420 You can't get tickets to a movie and shit. 0.97

01:11:05.440 But so it's like they've made you need it and especially social media. 0.99

01:11:08.860 They've made you need it.

01:11:09.760 You can't exist.

01:11:10.280 The mommy blog groups are on Facebook.

01:11:12.320 You can't be a mom and not trade information with other moms. 1.00

01:11:16.100 And they're not going to be off Facebook.

01:11:17.620 They're going to be on Facebook.

01:11:18.400 You have to be on there.

01:11:19.900 And we didn't agree to hate our friends. 0.99

01:11:23.780 We didn't agree to let you make me hate my friends and my brothers and my fucking relatives. 0.99

01:11:28.660 We didn't agree to that. 1.00

01:11:30.020 Right.

01:11:30.280 And you guys did that to us without our permission.

01:11:32.520 And I'm like, no, that's not allowed.

01:11:35.320 You're hurting us.

01:11:36.180 It's not just stomping on your floor.

01:11:37.960 It's stomping on your floor when someone is below you.

01:11:41.220 It's like, no.

01:11:42.880 So I hate regulation.

01:11:44.300 But at some point, like, we didn't give you permission to do this to us.

01:11:47.360 It's tough.

01:11:47.940 That's the thing.

01:11:48.400 It's like, I hate regulation.

01:11:49.480 But I've thought like tech is the new fossil fuel.

01:11:52.080 That's what I say a lot of times.

01:11:53.140 It's this weird thing where it's like, there's people like, we'll just get off of it.

01:11:57.320 It's like, then I can't order anything.

01:11:59.440 I can't like, there's no.

01:12:01.660 So, and even if you try to go, this is the saddest part.

01:12:04.200 Yesterday, I'm looking for a bed and breakfast, right?

01:12:06.200 And I don't want an Airbnb.

01:12:07.400 I want to find a bed and breakfast.

01:12:08.660 I want to find two senior citizens, probably deceased in the back room. 1.00

01:12:12.980 You know what I'm saying?

01:12:14.040 Who I go in, I have a reservation.

01:12:16.520 They didn't even know about it.

01:12:17.300 And I find their bodies in there.

01:12:18.580 You know what I'm saying?

01:12:19.040 Like, I want a real bed and breakfast. 1.00

01:12:22.100 I want a fucking scone, bitch. 1.00

01:12:23.780 Yeah, the advertising, though, is all straight to Airbnb. 1.00

01:12:28.080 Every one you go to, it's somehow.

01:12:29.560 So it's like, you had to go two pages in to even find something that was like a regular Airbnb, you know?

01:12:37.840 And it's like. 0.97

01:12:38.540 It also, that's shit that's really more damaging than some of the stuff. 0.99

01:12:42.080 The anger inducement, like that's bad for sure. 0.98

01:12:44.280 But like, algorithms in general, it takes away your ability to be exposed to new things.

01:12:50.400 Even like Spotify.

01:12:52.740 You don't think Spotify is evil in any way.

01:12:54.460 And it's not evil at their core.

01:12:55.960 But like, they're giving you music that they know you will like.

01:13:00.240 Now, you and I are hanging out, let's just say, and I'm putting on some of my music that your algorithm wouldn't expose you to.

01:13:06.700 But you're like, oh, I actually like, that's cool.

01:13:09.020 I like this.

01:13:10.620 So you're exposed by chance to some new level of art.

01:13:14.060 And you wouldn't have been exposed to it.

01:13:15.500 Which is why I like, I got this from a book too, but like listening to the radio.

01:13:19.360 Where I'm like, let it hit me with something.

01:13:22.020 And then maybe I'm like, oh, cool.

01:13:23.720 And my Spotify is listening.

01:13:25.640 So they'll know if I like it.

01:13:27.060 They're reading my heartbeat or whatever.

01:13:28.920 But like, you want to be able to like grow.

01:13:32.840 And they're not letting you.

01:13:34.320 Well, did you notice when you were in Ecuador or those types of places?

01:13:36.840 Is it a lot different?

01:13:37.920 Is it really a lot different?

01:13:39.340 Do you notice it over time?

01:13:40.980 Well, I noticed when I get back.

01:13:42.580 Same thing was when I left LA.

01:13:44.060 I didn't notice how shitty LA was, how the LA vibe was until I left for a couple of years

01:13:48.720 and then went back. 1.00

01:13:49.240 I was like, oh, God damn, you guys are fucking vapid here and needy for fame. 1.00

01:13:54.880 And I didn't realize the forest for the trees. 1.00

01:13:56.900 Yeah, I was really enjoying it.

01:13:58.100 Ecuador and then I got back.

01:13:58.960 I was just met with this barrage of media.

01:14:02.700 And like, just, yeah, it's, it's, you're free.

01:14:07.600 You're free.

01:14:08.140 I don't know.

01:14:08.980 And luckily COVID, it was like a really good thing, you know, in a lot of ways.

01:14:12.540 You got to count your blessings about it.

01:14:14.520 Yeah.

01:14:14.800 You relocated to a cool spot.

01:14:16.420 You know, you might not have.

01:14:17.780 Yeah.

01:14:18.080 That's a good point.

01:14:18.720 Oh, I'm amazed sometimes that I was able to move, you know?

01:14:21.580 You can always go back.

01:14:22.620 It's easy to just go there.

01:14:23.900 Yeah.

01:14:24.440 But I think, yeah, when everybody was leaving, I felt like everybody was going to Austin.

01:14:27.940 I didn't know if I wanted to go to Austin.

01:14:30.760 It's just still, the financial thing was the same.

01:14:32.760 It was just like, I was in a place, I don't want to pay all this extra to California right

01:14:36.720 now, especially if I didn't know if they're going to have masks ever.

01:14:39.940 Yeah.

01:14:40.240 The taxes are different.

01:14:41.040 There's no state taxes here.

01:14:42.160 That was a big thing.

01:14:43.700 Rogan was like, I'm moving to Austin.

01:14:45.280 I'm sure.

01:14:46.260 And I had thought about moving there.

01:14:47.820 Then when everybody started moving, I was like, I don't want to go back to another shadow.

01:14:50.080 That's kind of what I felt.

01:14:50.780 I just didn't want to be like in a place where I felt like, um, just like people like

01:14:55.380 why is it homeless?

01:14:56.120 Like, you don't think it's homeless in Austin?

01:14:57.340 Like, why else?

01:14:58.040 He's like taxes.

01:14:58.740 Like, wait, what?

01:14:59.800 Yeah.

01:15:00.740 Everybody's like, wait, what is that?

01:15:02.040 All those rich comics.

01:15:03.200 Like, Oh, Oh, hold on.

01:15:05.540 Like I can save a house a year.

01:15:08.080 Yeah.

01:15:08.380 I don't mind seeing the homeless as long as I'm not the one paying for it.

01:15:11.080 That's the thing.

01:15:11.880 Yeah.

01:15:12.420 Yeah.

01:15:12.740 I'm not paying. 0.99

01:15:13.700 Now, if I walk up to the guy and say, here, here's 20 bucks, will you please shit outside 0.99

01:15:17.180 for me? 0.99

01:15:17.740 Cause I need to like, you know, get these, get these rose beds going.

01:15:21.920 That's one thing.

01:15:23.160 You got to put them to use.

01:15:24.260 That's a problem.

01:15:24.800 They're not using these homeless guys.

01:15:25.760 But if I got to mail it to the city and then they're going to use it through some dirt system 0.99

01:15:29.720 and the guy doesn't even get to shit in my flower beds, he can just go shit anywhere. 0.99

01:15:34.200 No way. 1.00

01:15:35.340 Not on my watch.

01:15:36.440 Yeah.

01:15:37.520 Something that's, something that's, that's interesting here.

01:15:39.880 Like the guy at the gas station the other day comes out and he's, he's, I guess a fan

01:15:44.460 kind of her, you know, knew of me.

01:15:46.080 And he said, Hey, um, Hey man, I want to let you know anytime you come in here, man, we

01:15:50.520 got fresh baked bread and fresh baked pizzas in here.

01:15:53.260 And I just been in there, dude.

01:15:55.660 There's no, there's not, there's not an oven in that.

01:15:58.680 Right.

01:15:59.100 Yeah.

01:15:59.640 So I'm like, is this guy just been, and it was the nighttime guy.

01:16:03.120 So I'm like, is this dude out of his mind?

01:16:06.260 Is this guy on Adderall?

01:16:07.280 Like, but now it's like, when I go there, I have to pretend that they have like the fresh

01:16:12.900 baked bread in there and they don't.

01:16:15.480 So it's like in a smaller area, you, there's like, you, you kind of are, you have to continue 1.00

01:16:19.600 to, whereas in LA, you can be like, go fuck yourself. 1.00

01:16:22.320 You don't have to. 1.00

01:16:22.560 So impersonal.

01:16:23.500 But sometimes you're like, you need that input or impersonalness. 0.88

01:16:26.180 You're like, yeah, you're a weirdo, man.

01:16:27.520 Right. 0.99

01:16:27.720 I'd rather not talk to you.

01:16:28.740 I mean, New York is the key for that.

01:16:29.940 Nobody talks to anybody.

01:16:31.100 Yeah. 0.96

01:16:31.360 There's too many crazies.

01:16:32.480 Yeah.

01:16:33.000 But in a small town, even Nashville is still a small town.

01:16:35.720 Oh, it feels really small here.

01:16:36.900 And you can't cheat on your spouse here.

01:16:38.440 That's another thing.

01:16:39.260 Like in LA, dude, you could have another family a block away from you and your family

01:16:43.840 would never know.

01:16:45.000 That's another thing that changed.

01:16:46.040 They had this book called the 50 mile rule.

01:16:47.800 Do you remember that?

01:16:48.620 It was like, if you're going to cheat on your spouse and they weren't against it, they go,

01:16:51.780 you got to go 50 miles outside your radius.

01:16:54.000 Now this was written 30 years ago.

01:16:55.820 Wow.

01:16:56.060 And if you go 50 miles outside your radius to a convention or whatever,

01:16:58.740 or more, you know, it'll never come back to your home, to your family at all.

01:17:03.840 Now it's way different.

01:17:04.760 There is no 50 mile radius.

01:17:05.560 You have to go to another planet.

01:17:06.520 Well, there's, yeah, there's no 50 mile radius.

01:17:08.460 Right.

01:17:08.900 And that's one thing that Louie said funny on that, especially because he said, well,

01:17:11.440 I was looking to get out of town, but I was on kayak or something.

01:17:15.000 There were no tickets to Mars.

01:17:16.600 Right.

01:17:17.120 Yeah.

01:17:17.520 He's like, I was looking to get that far away.

01:17:20.240 Yeah.

01:17:21.420 It is cool being in Ecuador where you're like, where no one knew me.

01:17:25.920 I think I got recognized like three times, two of them like right towards the end in like

01:17:30.460 one of our gringo town.

01:17:32.580 But it was like, I'm just me.

01:17:34.180 I'm just a human here.

01:17:35.280 And there's no, I think it's real like bad for you to be recognized too much, to be like

01:17:39.840 elevated on a level that you're not.

01:17:43.060 Oh, well, and that's not even realistic.

01:17:44.980 It's not really.

01:17:45.520 Yeah.

01:17:45.740 People are just like, can I get you something?

01:17:47.300 Can I get you?

01:17:48.220 You don't work for me.

01:17:49.200 Yeah.

01:17:49.640 It's not healthy at all.

01:17:51.680 And you start thinking your words are too valuable.

01:17:54.020 Yeah.

01:17:54.700 Well, I think that goes even to some of like podcasts getting busier and like being,

01:17:58.280 feeling like you have to say something or scared to say something.

01:18:00.640 You have to say something. 1.00

01:18:01.160 God damn. 1.00

01:18:01.980 I think, yeah. 1.00

01:18:02.420 Embarrassing.

01:18:02.920 In New York, we're like shocked at how some of those LA podcasts have no level of integrity

01:18:08.280 or morals.

01:18:09.460 Yeah.

01:18:09.860 That's awesome.

01:18:10.200 To their friends.

01:18:10.860 That's awesome, dude. 0.99

01:18:11.500 God, well, look at these fucking, these guys are great. 0.99

01:18:18.340 Bless you. 1.00

01:18:21.300 Who the fuck are these dudes? 0.99

01:18:22.600 I don't want to use a racial slur, but these Lakers fans right here. 1.00

01:18:26.720 One's a Dodger fan.

01:18:28.120 A Laker fan.

01:18:28.860 It's my bad.

01:18:30.200 Let's see these guys.

01:18:32.100 What's up, dude?

01:18:33.320 Ari. 1.00

01:18:34.440 Beautiful motherfuckers. 1.00

01:18:35.860 I'm big. 1.00

01:18:36.580 He's fat.

01:18:37.800 Big and fat? 0.98

01:18:38.260 I don't know why he looks like that.

01:18:39.640 Uh, we're actually podcasters and I'm hoping to chase my comedy dreams.

01:18:44.760 So, quick question.

01:18:46.720 Um, when you're pushing the boundaries in your jokes, which you do fucking great at, um, how

01:18:54.840 do you overcome the fear? 0.54

01:18:56.600 You know, that cancel culture. 0.99

01:18:58.780 It's pretty scary out there. 1.00

01:19:00.220 Everybody wants to fucking end you. 1.00

01:19:02.840 Keep killing them. 1.00

01:19:03.660 Keep pushing the boundaries. 1.00

01:19:04.980 We fucking love you guys. 0.97

01:19:06.080 Theo, Ari, we hope to see you in Jersey soon. 0.97

01:19:09.380 Please come by.

01:19:12.380 Latinos in Jersey.

01:19:13.240 It's a new documentary coming soon.

01:19:14.960 Latinos in Jersey.

01:19:15.720 Yeah.

01:19:16.200 Thank you, bro.

01:19:16.800 Thanks for the question.

01:19:17.940 Uh, we kind of have been answering that.

01:19:19.500 We kind of did.

01:19:19.940 You know, there's one book that set me free more than anything.

01:19:22.120 It was, uh, The Fountainhead.

01:19:23.980 I read The Fountainhead.

01:19:25.180 It was a girl.

01:19:25.640 Ayn Rand.

01:19:26.520 Ayn Rand.

01:19:27.200 Ayn Rand.

01:19:27.700 Yeah, whatever.

01:19:28.840 But, um, it set me free.

01:19:30.260 She told me, she's like, I think you'd like this.

01:19:31.560 And it was just about this pure artist.

01:19:33.820 Architecture was the art form they chose.

01:19:35.640 But really, it's just any art form.

01:19:38.000 And it was about, like, you just cannot care at all.

01:19:42.200 And this guy, this architect, and they, they, it was way depredated of cancel culture.

01:19:46.800 I mean, it was written in the 20s or 30s.

01:19:48.120 But, like, you could see, like, these prototypes of, like, I could plug it into any one of these

01:19:53.080 situations.

01:19:53.580 And you're like, oh, yeah, that's so-and-so writing a blog about this guy.

01:19:56.560 Oh, that's, it's just, like, it's, it's so good.

01:20:00.760 And, uh, so they took everything away from this guy.

01:20:03.680 They took it all away.

01:20:04.380 And he goes, well, you're not going to stop me from being an architect.

01:20:06.480 You might stop me from being able to build.

01:20:08.940 But I'm not going to stop being an architect.

01:20:10.760 So I'll go work in the rock quarry.

01:20:12.040 And I'll work with the, with the materials that I'll need when I'm building buildings again.

01:20:16.780 So, like, at some point, like, I had to set, this was years and years ago. 0.89

01:20:21.060 So maybe that's why I'm so fucking crazy now.

01:20:23.760 But, like, I had to set that, like, you will never take away my ability to be a stand-up comic. 0.87

01:20:28.400 You can not let me do theaters and push me into clubs.

01:20:31.120 You can take away my ability to do clubs and only do workout rooms.

01:20:33.900 You can stop me from doing workout rooms.

01:20:35.440 I can still do open mics.

01:20:37.480 You're talking about the money.

01:20:38.580 You might take away the money from me. 0.99

01:20:39.960 But the real thing that matters is what we always wanted when we started is to tell a fucking good joke 0.98

01:20:44.800 and make it work. 0.97

01:20:45.700 You know, when Ralphie was like, when I saw him, it was like two years and he goes,

01:20:48.720 oh, that's one.

01:20:49.100 It's just fun, man.

01:20:49.920 And I was starving to death.

01:20:51.480 I didn't have money to eat. 1.00

01:20:52.920 And I was like, what the fuck are you talking about, Ralphie? 0.99

01:20:54.760 What fun? 0.99

01:20:55.400 But I get it now.

01:20:56.400 There was no, like, can I get a development deal?

01:20:58.400 Can I get, it was just, we're trying to be stand-up comics.

01:21:01.580 So you can't take that away from me.

01:21:02.940 And once I realized as far down as I can go, I can go to a coffee shop and go up.

01:21:06.800 No matter what, I will have that ability.

01:21:09.780 Then I'm like, then I was free.

01:21:11.400 At that point, I was free.

01:21:13.740 And it's just a, man, it's just a, like.

01:21:15.320 Yeah, no, it's powerful.

01:21:16.100 It's powerful, man.

01:21:17.040 Yeah, because a lot of this I'm bringing back to myself and not to make it about me,

01:21:20.560 but just like, yeah, I wonder why some of my behaviors, what are my fears?

01:21:24.400 What am I afraid of?

01:21:25.620 And then what fears were just fears that I had growing up that aren't really realistic anymore?

01:21:29.020 That are still there from childhood.

01:21:30.080 Right.

01:21:30.400 Yeah.

01:21:30.800 Like, we're not going to have anything.

01:21:31.900 I don't have anything, you know.

01:21:33.480 People hate, you know.

01:21:34.300 It's like, and when are you going to realize that your fans are there for you no matter what?

01:21:38.860 Were you amazed at some of your fans that were there for you during some of the trials of it?

01:21:42.460 And what I was really, like, I hate focusing on negatives.

01:21:46.680 So, like, it's the natural thing.

01:21:49.140 But, like, what I was really taken back was, but the outpouring of support by comedians personally.

01:21:54.260 The texts I was getting from people going, like, man, you're hilarious.

01:21:57.860 I found it funny.

01:21:59.960 You're all, I got your back.

01:22:01.120 You're a great person.

01:22:02.120 Like, just from everywhere.

01:22:04.400 Like, all these people reaching out.

01:22:06.660 And it was like, oh, this is, like, really nice.

01:22:08.560 If you remove the other part, I'm like, this is genuinely amazingly nice.

01:22:12.940 You know?

01:22:15.700 God, yeah.

01:22:16.360 And it's like, and that's what you could always do when any of those comics get in trouble for anything.

01:22:19.920 You'd be like, hey, man, you're funny.

01:22:21.760 Don't worry.

01:22:22.200 I got your back.

01:22:22.840 Yeah, be supportive.

01:22:23.700 Yeah.

01:22:23.900 Yeah, because you do go through this thing of, like, does everyone hate me?

01:22:26.980 And so every time you get a text like, hey, you're my buddy, it's like, great.

01:22:30.060 One down, one doesn't.

01:22:31.440 That's awesome.

01:22:32.880 But, like, it was just really nice.

01:22:36.240 And then, you know, the beginning of it when people, like, laughing before the fucking, not realizing back there, people are like, you know, they don't realize that's happening. 0.89

01:22:45.300 We're all having a good time. 0.94

01:22:46.680 Yeah.

01:22:47.240 Well, I think people are also now seeing in some ways when it's like the media, like these New York Times writes in article. 1.00

01:22:53.580 Some people are like, fuck, this rag is garbage. 1.00

01:22:55.400 Exactly. 1.00

01:22:55.900 Like, you're like, you guys are trying to mislead me.

01:22:58.000 You're trying to make me angry.

01:22:59.120 Totally.

01:22:59.480 And I think so many people see that now that it's like the amount of people that don't see it is so small.

01:23:07.600 They just still own a lot of, but they still own a lot of real estate.

01:23:11.280 Yeah, exactly.

01:23:12.100 And the vocal ones.

01:23:13.260 The ones who don't care don't write in to be like, hey, I don't care.

01:23:16.740 You know, it's like you just don't care.

01:23:18.000 You don't do anything.

01:23:18.660 It's only the ones that do care.

01:23:19.900 But like, so now when I see myself getting angry about something, I realize, hey, I'm probably being misled here.

01:23:26.980 These monsters aren't real.

01:23:28.840 It's like, they're not everywhere.

01:23:30.180 So like, it's overhyped.

01:23:32.920 It's just like, I can't always see it. 0.96

01:23:35.180 So like, if I didn't find that fucking other footage of Tony Inchcliffe, like his full set, people would have been like, man, you bombed. 0.94

01:23:41.060 That's what I told Tony. 0.96

01:23:42.160 I was like, hey, dude, it's not so bad that like, that like people think you're like racist or whatever.

01:23:49.180 Like that sucks, you know, but like comics are thinking you're not funny.

01:23:52.820 So you got to put out, if you say you're getting laughs all that, you need to put that out right now. 0.74

01:23:58.240 Wow.

01:23:58.620 Before it gets around the comedy world.

01:24:00.860 Yeah.

01:24:01.260 Yeah.

01:24:01.780 He hasn't, did he have a new special that just came out?

01:24:03.680 Yeah, before COVID, yeah.

01:24:05.200 I got to check it out. 0.98

01:24:06.240 Yeah, but so he's like, yeah, we released his fucking, that full set. 0.98

01:24:09.460 And then people are like, oh, I get it. 0.98

01:24:11.880 Like Emma, Emma, we're all talking about it.

01:24:13.620 Like, I hadn't even seen the clip yet.

01:24:15.360 And she was like, I can tell you what didn't happen.

01:24:16.860 Emma Willman?

01:24:17.500 Emma Willman, yeah, hilarious.

01:24:19.020 And she's like, I can tell you what didn't happen.

01:24:20.820 She's like, didn't really care.

01:24:21.680 But she goes, it, it did, what didn't happen was in 2021, a comedian got on stage and couldn't hold back his anti-Asian feelings anymore and let it out on stage.

01:24:32.380 That for sure did not happen.

01:24:34.180 Right.

01:24:34.320 So like, I don't know, whatever else you're talking about, it's not what you're saying it is.

01:24:38.820 Right.

01:24:40.020 Yeah, and if you've seen Tony, I didn't think it was, yeah.

01:24:42.840 If you've seen him, I didn't think it was that shocking.

01:24:44.960 But the way I said about the Amazing Race is people are mad and then when they found it was way different, they're still just as mad.

01:24:50.640 Yeah. 1.00

01:24:50.780 They did the same shit with Chris where they were like, you're fucking underage people. 1.00

01:24:54.060 And it's like, well, no, not at all. 1.00

01:24:55.720 And they're like, well, you fuck your fans too much. 0.99

01:24:58.600 And you're like, no, get out of here. 1.00

01:25:00.260 The thing you said was terrible and it's not real.

01:25:02.720 Right. 1.00

01:25:03.000 So get the fuck out of here. 1.00

01:25:04.080 You can't talk anymore. 1.00

01:25:05.380 Right. 1.00

01:25:05.680 Fuck your fans too much. 1.00

01:25:07.900 Get the fuck out of here. 1.00

01:25:09.640 What are you talking about? 1.00

01:25:11.820 Oh, my God.

01:25:12.400 And you see him in his apology.

01:25:13.360 That's a gaslit man going, so I guess these chicks who are sliding into my DMs are trying 1.00

01:25:19.480 to fuck me, I guess I shouldn't have been fucking the people who wanted to fuck me. 1.00

01:25:24.440 Yeah. 1.00

01:25:24.880 It's like, he's just gaslit because everyone told him he was evil for doing nothing wrong.

01:25:29.040 Yeah. 1.00

01:25:29.480 Oh, fuck that. 1.00

01:25:31.260 We had a news thing. 1.00

01:25:32.300 We had a news piece I think we wanted to discuss.

01:25:33.920 Was there something, Sean?

01:25:35.700 Or another good question maybe that came in.

01:25:38.200 Thick and fat.

01:25:38.820 Everybody check out their podcast.

01:25:40.720 Yeah, thick and fat, huh?

01:25:41.780 Thick and fat.

01:25:42.260 Was that what they were?

01:25:42.760 Thick and fat, dude. 0.52

01:25:44.300 He's thick. 0.98

01:25:45.560 I'm thick. 0.99

01:25:46.160 He's fat.

01:25:46.720 But how are you doing these days, by the way, with everything?

01:25:51.640 With what?

01:25:53.280 Drugs and alcohol?

01:25:54.080 Yeah.

01:25:54.600 I'm doing okay.

01:25:55.480 Yeah?

01:25:55.800 Yeah.

01:25:56.160 My primary goal, I've had a couple of relapses during this thing, during the COVID.

01:26:02.320 Yeah.

01:26:02.600 You know?

01:26:03.140 So, but I'm doing good.

01:26:05.540 I've been doing a lot of breath work recently.

01:26:07.300 I tried ketamine therapy.

01:26:10.040 Really?

01:26:10.560 I've been so angry, bro.

01:26:12.300 And it won't stop.

01:26:13.640 And then it's like, I don't know.

01:26:16.340 Everything?

01:26:17.100 I get angry.

01:26:17.860 I get angry, yeah.

01:26:18.820 So it's like, and then I've had like this exhaustion that's like in my body, like this fatigue.

01:26:25.640 And I don't know what it is.

01:26:27.420 And so I've been like getting all this medical stuff, trying to figure it out.

01:26:33.640 So it's been honestly pretty tough.

01:26:35.920 And the tough part is when you don't feel good to then go podcast.

01:26:38.560 It's like when you're genuinely not feeling good, or even at your best, or if I talk for

01:26:44.200 10 minutes, a lot of times I'll feel this exhaustion in my body.

01:26:47.100 And then being like, okay, I have to continue to put myself forward, or I'm afraid that I'll

01:26:52.940 lose my audience.

01:26:53.680 Go away.

01:26:54.140 Yeah.

01:26:54.720 Yeah.

01:26:54.900 When I went to Southeast Asia, I went for a few months off the grid completely.

01:26:58.720 Joe List was like, aren't you afraid of like losing everything?

01:27:01.540 And at the time I was like, I have a television show that I'm coming back to and a special

01:27:07.220 that I just taped.

01:27:08.280 That'll be like, what do you mean?

01:27:09.420 What am I going to lose?

01:27:10.660 You have to live your life a little.

01:27:11.680 But like, I get it.

01:27:13.020 We don't have seasons in podcasting.

01:27:15.180 We don't have an off season.

01:27:16.180 If you're an actor, if you're on Friends making a million an episode, 22 weeks.

01:27:21.240 And then you have, you know, 38 weeks off.

01:27:24.060 Yeah.

01:27:24.940 That's wrong.

01:27:26.140 20, 30 weeks off.

01:27:28.200 But like, they would keep working for a million a week.

01:27:30.980 They work for 52 weeks.

01:27:32.340 And we're not letting ourselves.

01:27:34.420 Yeah.

01:27:34.820 I need to be brave enough to take a month off.

01:27:37.260 Yeah.

01:27:37.640 And I really need it too.

01:27:39.180 You should do it.

01:27:39.780 So, I think, I thought about maybe even in January going to like a 30-day rehab, like

01:27:44.380 a facility or something, even if it's just like a health and wellness place.

01:27:47.120 Get off your phone.

01:27:48.120 Where there's no drugs, alcohol.

01:27:49.320 Yeah.

01:27:49.640 And get off my phone.

01:27:50.400 Just so I don't have any temptations.

01:27:51.500 Right, right, right.

01:27:52.160 It's hard to be like, keep a pack of cigarettes on you, but stop smoking.

01:27:56.060 Right.

01:27:56.440 Like.

01:27:56.940 Right.

01:27:58.220 It's unrealistic.

01:27:59.320 It's hard.

01:27:59.860 Yeah.

01:28:00.360 And the same thing as people like stay off your phone.

01:28:01.960 It's like, you say that, but it's calling you.

01:28:04.560 Yeah.

01:28:04.880 And also, it's like, you don't have, you don't have direction.

01:28:06.960 It's like, dude, I realized the other day, I'm in a parking lot.

01:28:09.860 And thanks for asking, man, about what was going on.

01:28:11.580 Yeah.

01:28:11.860 I should have called you when I heard him.

01:28:13.520 Sorry.

01:28:14.200 Yeah.

01:28:14.740 That's all right.

01:28:16.080 No, dude.

01:28:16.660 You guys are, you know.

01:28:19.560 I feel bad.

01:28:20.320 I haven't talked to you in a long time.

01:28:21.460 I forget how.

01:28:22.260 Did you relapse when you were at my place?

01:28:23.560 Smart.

01:28:23.780 Is that the last relapse?

01:28:24.460 Oh, dude, no.

01:28:25.140 That was the last.

01:28:25.720 That was when I first started.

01:28:26.740 That was when I got sober. 1.00

01:28:28.940 Bro, I was laying in your fucking bed. 1.00

01:28:31.560 Okay. 1.00

01:28:31.840 I literally had just opened the big blue book of Alcoholics Anonymous, like bawling, crying,

01:28:36.580 realizing how many things kind of related to me.

01:28:39.160 And not really the drugs and alcohol part didn't relate to me, but the feelings and

01:28:44.040 the emotions.

01:28:44.780 That's the stuff that I'm all.

01:28:45.920 I'm addicted to my own feelings and emotions because I feel like it's all I have.

01:28:49.600 It's like, I just, I don't know.

01:28:51.840 But I'm addicted to those things, you know.

01:28:54.300 That's what you're burying with the junk?

01:28:56.460 I think it probably was, you know.

01:28:58.520 And also, I just was looking for anything, yeah, that made me not want to feel sometimes.

01:29:03.060 But I'd never done cocaine.

01:29:04.200 And once I did it a few times, it got dicey.

01:29:06.360 So it's just like so addictive.

01:29:07.920 So I never was doing cocaine for months or even binges.

01:29:11.240 But one or two nights, and I'd get so fucking paranoid and scared.

01:29:15.380 And the control, I was losing. 0.95

01:29:17.100 I couldn't control.

01:29:18.320 And I'd be so creeped out. 0.99

01:29:20.060 And then I want, you know, you want sex. 0.99

01:29:21.680 You want to tickle some stranger. 0.99

01:29:23.740 And next, you know, you're on these escort sites. 0.88

01:29:25.540 And so.

01:29:26.340 Wasting all your time trying to like.

01:29:28.220 Yeah. 1.00

01:29:28.560 And then I kept locking myself out of your fucking apartment, which is the fucking worst. 0.99

01:29:32.060 I lost all your spare keys. 0.99

01:29:33.740 I had to get the lock changed, I think.

01:29:35.780 You're like, hey, dude, your apartment's fine.

01:29:38.280 And you will not be able to gain access to it.

01:29:40.800 But the apartment itself is in good shape.

01:29:42.980 Like, what?

01:29:43.620 I was gone for like a month.

01:29:45.180 How long did you stay there?

01:29:46.580 You stayed for a while.

01:29:47.040 I think I stayed for probably about, yeah, two and a half weeks or something.

01:29:49.900 I still got that SodaStream you left me.

01:29:51.240 Oh, dude.

01:29:51.640 Well, look.

01:29:52.020 You're the best part.

01:29:52.080 I still got. 0.98

01:29:52.560 Me and my boyfriend fucking love it, dude. 0.99

01:29:54.200 We fucking love that SodaStream. 0.99

01:29:55.720 I was like, Theo was my best house guest. 0.99

01:29:57.760 You and Nick Cody were the only ones who didn't destroy my apartment that I let stay there.

01:30:01.640 I appreciate that, man.

01:30:02.620 I hired a cleaning lady. 1.00

01:30:03.820 You got me a SodaStream. 1.00

01:30:04.780 That's a fucking stand-up dude. 1.00

01:30:06.060 Well, you know who else? 1.00

01:30:07.000 Big Jay.

01:30:07.620 I said, I went over to Big Jay and Christina.

01:30:09.200 I was like, what do I get him?

01:30:10.720 I want to get him something nice.

01:30:11.940 And they said, which is the weirdest thing.

01:30:14.580 You got to get him a SodaStream.

01:30:16.600 That's like good advice.

01:30:17.580 Sometimes you have trouble making a purchase for yourself, but someone else can, and you'll

01:30:21.900 really appreciate it.

01:30:23.560 I was like, are you sure?

01:30:24.840 I said undeniable.

01:30:25.480 It doesn't seem like that's hard to come by.

01:30:27.700 Undeniable.

01:30:29.080 We'll get into one more question here, man.

01:30:31.980 Look at this, Drake.

01:30:33.220 I know.

01:30:33.880 Hey, yo, what's up, Theo?

01:30:34.960 What's up, hard?

01:30:35.600 What's up, Ari?

01:30:36.420 What's up?

01:30:36.680 I got a random question for Ari.

01:30:38.180 Why are you so angry?

01:30:39.560 Because it has exactly everything to do with Ari.

01:30:42.720 But Ari lived in Indonesia for a bit, and as a fellow Jew, by blood, not by religion.

01:30:49.600 I was curious how he felt traveling in a majority Muslim country.

01:30:53.200 Did he feel at home?

01:30:54.280 Did he feel out of place?

01:30:55.680 Did he not think about it in any way, shape, or form?

01:30:57.880 I met a lot of fellow Jews, not necessarily by religion, who feel like they were persecuted

01:31:03.260 ever going to a Muslim country. 0.86

01:31:05.200 But I've never felt more welcomed into a country than I did in Indo.

01:31:09.800 So, just curious.

01:31:11.420 Question for Ari.

01:31:12.260 Thanks.

01:31:13.080 Good question.

01:31:14.280 Good, interesting question.

01:31:16.040 Is there nerves there being Jewish and going if it's all slimmed out? 1.00

01:31:20.220 And they call them slims, don't they? 0.98

01:31:21.880 Who does?

01:31:22.740 No, but let's spread that.

01:31:23.860 I don't know.

01:31:25.160 Indonesians or Muslims? 0.97

01:31:26.540 Muslims.

01:31:26.940 Slims? 0.96

01:31:27.420 Yeah.

01:31:27.720 Love it.

01:31:28.620 Love it.

01:31:29.540 Guys, you just saw the genesis of a new derogatory term.

01:31:32.860 There we go.

01:31:33.460 Slims. 1.00

01:31:33.920 They were responsible for 9-11, and they'll be responsible for the next attack if we don't 1.00

01:31:37.540 fucking take care of these slims. 1.00

01:31:39.240 That beefy, juicy terrorist. 1.00

01:31:41.120 Yeah, yeah, yeah. 0.97

01:31:42.100 Snap it to us.

01:31:46.300 Yeah, it's the country with the most Muslims in the world, Indonesia, because it's got a 1.00

01:31:51.700 massive population. 0.86

01:31:52.760 But they're not the Jew-hating Muslims. 0.99

01:31:54.840 We've never been there, so they don't give a shit about us. 0.99

01:31:56.780 It's the ones around Israel that really care about us. 0.98

01:32:00.360 They are very Hindu?

01:32:03.240 Hindu in parts of it.

01:32:05.220 So what does that mean?

01:32:06.020 Like, what would you say?

01:32:06.740 So it goes Muslim, then, or Hindu, then Muslim, then Christian. 0.79

01:32:11.700 Okay.

01:32:12.120 In the areas of Indonesia.

01:32:14.080 And so in the Hindu parts, one of their great symbols is a backward swastika, which I always 1.00

01:32:21.180 forget which way it goes.

01:32:22.200 Oh, yeah. 0.99

01:32:22.300 So you see it everywhere, on motorbikes, on the fucking manhole covers. 0.98

01:32:25.220 And you're just like, do you feel a little weird? 0.99

01:32:27.700 Yeah.

01:32:28.460 It's just like everywhere you go.

01:32:29.260 You're like, if I look at this in a mirror, things are getting dicey.

01:32:31.900 Yeah.

01:32:32.220 Yeah. 0.84

01:32:33.260 But I fucking loved Indonesia. 1.00

01:32:35.280 God damn, that place. 1.00

01:32:35.920 You know what's fascinating is, you say that, so you see the symbol all over. 1.00

01:32:40.080 Yeah.

01:32:40.260 It's like, if somebody showed me that symbol here, somebody could write an article right 1.00

01:32:44.780 now that said, look at this shit all over Indonesia, hating Jews. 1.00

01:32:48.220 And I would look at it and just believe it. 1.00

01:32:50.660 Right, right, right, right.

01:32:51.360 Absolutely, you could.

01:32:52.200 Right.

01:32:52.340 They could fool you, leaving out details into getting you angry at something.

01:32:57.520 Yeah.

01:32:57.720 Look what they're doing.

01:32:58.500 And then next thing you know, you're scared.

01:32:59.960 Now you got Jews saying, we got to get out of it. 1.00

01:33:01.660 You know?

01:33:02.000 It's a beautiful symbol.

01:33:03.140 Yeah, it is.

01:33:05.000 Easy to draw.

01:33:06.320 Yeah.

01:33:07.720 It's just the backwards one. 0.98

01:33:09.200 Oh, dude, I remember we had this kid, Scotty, when we were growing up, dude, on the bus.

01:33:13.080 We didn't know anything about, like, anti-Semitism or anything in our town.

01:33:17.380 We didn't have any.

01:33:17.960 Didn't have Jews. 0.99

01:33:18.580 We didn't have Jews, yeah.

01:33:19.820 We didn't have Jews yet. 0.89

01:33:20.680 Now, once you get a couple of Jews, you freaking understand what's going on. 1.00

01:33:23.060 Now, okay, okay. 0.84

01:33:24.280 You guys are always looking for bargains. 1.00

01:33:25.760 Fucking, come on. 1.00

01:33:26.880 Quit complaining all the time. 1.00

01:33:29.500 The soup is warm enough.

01:33:31.240 It's warm enough.

01:33:32.060 Yeah.

01:33:32.600 Just eat it.

01:33:35.040 Oh, yeah, so.

01:33:37.320 Well, we had seen the thing on fanflets or whatever, dude, because David, dude, you know,

01:33:41.180 it was like we had a, you see a lot of, like, anti-Semit fanflets.

01:33:44.420 I think just people putting the symbol on stuff, like, show up tonight, you know?

01:33:48.200 But, no, it wasn't against Jews. 0.98

01:33:49.460 I think it was just about, like, fucking being angry and, like, you know, changing each other's 1.00

01:33:53.420 motor oil and shit. 0.99

01:33:55.000 So, we had this kid, Scotty, on our bus one day, and we just drew a big swastika just on 0.98

01:34:00.920 his shirt and, like...

01:34:02.240 Really?

01:34:02.880 Oh, dude, yeah.

01:34:04.200 And we had no idea it was about Jews or anything or about Germans.

01:34:07.260 We didn't even know it was about Germans.

01:34:08.600 We just knew it was, like, kind of like this, like, you'd see anarch...

01:34:11.980 Here's what you'd see, like, emo, kind of anarchist kids.

01:34:14.660 The A with...

01:34:15.080 Rock metal, and they would have that symbol sometimes on them, or they would have, like,

01:34:18.780 the A with the cross through the thing.

01:34:20.320 I'm convinced half the time it's anti-Semitism or even racism.

01:34:23.900 Like, if you see somebody, like, write the N-word or something like that, it's almost like

01:34:27.520 somebody's got a Sharpie, and they've got something to deface, and then they go, like,

01:34:32.260 uh, who's around here who care the most?

01:34:33.940 Like, they don't really care.

01:34:35.300 Right.

01:34:35.640 They'd be like, well, there's a temple right there.

01:34:37.220 It's like, sweet kike. 1.00

01:34:38.140 All right, let's go.

01:34:39.260 But if there was, like, you know, if there was, like, a Baptist church, like, all right,

01:34:42.180 N-word.

01:34:42.460 Yeah, yeah.

01:34:43.020 But, like, they don't care.

01:34:44.180 They're just, like, what's going to get the...

01:34:45.420 Or if there's a fat farm, you just draw lettuce out there.

01:34:48.760 But, yeah, you're right.

01:34:49.600 I think that's part of the mentality.

01:34:51.460 I think looking into the mentality of things is, like, the stuff that we're missing with

01:34:55.680 so many things.

01:34:56.380 Like, yeah, the person's like, what kind of draw here that's, A, going to get anybody

01:34:59.520 to look and even care?

01:35:00.960 Or gamers. 1.00

01:35:02.320 They're like, I'll fucking fuck you. 1.00

01:35:03.740 You fuck AIDS into your brain. 1.00

01:35:05.240 You fucking F-bot. 1.00

01:35:06.760 You know, it's like, they don't really care. 1.00

01:35:08.380 They're just, like, saying something.

01:35:09.780 And if you take that off there, like, look what he said.

01:35:11.420 And you're like, no, he was saying that on Call of Duty.

01:35:15.320 The second he walked into the kitchen, it's all over.

01:35:17.760 Yeah, exactly.

01:35:18.880 He's like, hi, honey.

01:35:20.540 Oh, Keisha, thank you.

01:35:22.380 Yeah, yeah.

01:35:22.940 To his black... 0.99

01:35:23.540 It could even be his black wife. 0.99

01:35:24.840 And he's like, yeah.

01:35:27.060 Yeah, it's just so interesting, the context, the way we're serving stuff.

01:35:30.160 But we drew it on Scotty, dude.

01:35:31.320 And the crazy part was, so his parents, you know, they got it.

01:35:33.520 They didn't probably even know what it was.

01:35:35.020 They washed the shirt.

01:35:35.760 We had to wear the shirt all the time throughout the rest of the year.

01:35:38.180 So it would still be just lightly faded in there.

01:35:40.780 Dude, I took a dump and I couldn't make it home.

01:35:42.920 I couldn't make it home from synagogue to my house.

01:35:44.960 And it was only three blocks.

01:35:46.140 But it was like, I didn't know how to control my bowels back then.

01:35:48.440 Oh, yeah.

01:35:48.920 And I was like, I gotta...

01:35:50.300 It's coming.

01:35:51.020 It's turtling and it's coming.

01:35:52.260 So I ducked into my neighbor's side yard in between the bushes.

01:35:55.140 And I just let go of a log.

01:35:56.420 And then I, like, wiped with my underwear and took my underwear with me.

01:36:01.180 Oh, I better do that, yeah.

01:36:02.680 And then, so later, though, they found the dump.

01:36:05.260 I mean, I don't know what I was thinking, that it was going to go unfound.

01:36:08.540 But they found it.

01:36:09.440 They thought it was a hate crime.

01:36:10.620 Uh-uh. 1.00

01:36:11.260 Yeah, they're like, they're fucking shitting in the yard of Jews. 1.00

01:36:14.800 They were talking about a synagogue. 1.00

01:36:16.160 I didn't have the heart to tell.

01:36:16.820 I just sat there like...

01:36:18.960 I didn't know how to tell them.

01:36:20.260 They were all worried about these hate crimes going around.

01:36:22.620 It's just these Jew bowels not working. 1.00

01:36:24.500 Oh, my God, dude. 0.98

01:36:26.420 The original hate crime from God, Jew bowels. 1.00

01:36:30.600 God did it to me.

01:36:36.200 It was a nice log, though.

01:36:37.660 It was like a nice one.

01:36:38.700 Was it?

01:36:39.300 Yeah, I mean...

01:36:41.220 Oh, yeah, they were so mad.

01:36:43.000 Oh, man.

01:36:44.460 Your tour, where are you going on this current tour?

01:36:47.660 At Tacoma and Spokane next.

01:36:49.280 Oh, nice.

01:36:49.700 And then I'm doing Boston.

01:36:51.220 I'm just finally back to Boston.

01:36:52.200 I started my tour last tour in Boston.

01:36:54.680 I'll be at the Wilbur on December 9th.

01:36:55.920 So that's like a first big...

01:36:57.920 Really going to be at the Wilbur?

01:36:59.020 Yeah.

01:36:59.580 Congrats, dude.

01:37:00.200 Thanks, buddy.

01:37:00.680 Thanks.

01:37:01.300 Yeah.

01:37:01.600 That's cool, man.

01:37:02.840 It's a cool place.

01:37:04.080 It's like one of the best theaters that there are, you know, performance-wise.

01:37:08.660 Yeah.

01:37:09.620 Oh, yeah.

01:37:10.280 I think that would be awesome.

01:37:12.040 Thanks.

01:37:12.480 Yeah, yeah.

01:37:12.920 I'm excited for that.

01:37:13.220 And people are wanting to come out and see comedy.

01:37:15.160 And also, I think one thing...

01:37:16.380 It's great.

01:37:16.640 It's back.

01:37:17.960 Everybody's back and excited.

01:37:19.140 For right now, anyway.

01:37:19.960 It's beautiful.

01:37:20.360 And here's what you don't see in comedy clubs so far.

01:37:22.600 You don't see this guy.

01:37:24.780 Right.

01:37:25.400 You know?

01:37:25.880 He's not there yet.

01:37:26.580 He's not there yet.

01:37:27.280 No.

01:37:27.520 He's still online.

01:37:28.300 Yeah.

01:37:28.880 People are like, oh, welcome to comedy.

01:37:30.540 Sure.

01:37:31.560 He's still online.

01:37:32.300 Yeah.

01:37:33.720 Go to December 9th.

01:37:34.520 Ari Shaffir.com.

01:37:35.440 Get tickets.

01:37:36.080 Yep.

01:37:36.440 December.

01:37:36.820 What is that?

01:37:37.160 December 9th, you said?

01:37:38.000 December 9th, yeah.

01:37:38.860 I got like Oklahoma City and San Antonio and Tampa and Orlando and places like that.

01:37:43.880 But...

01:37:44.280 Ari Shaffir.com.

01:37:45.320 You can get tickets.

01:37:45.960 Remember we did that Sam Adams thing.

01:37:47.260 You remember that?

01:37:48.920 Yeah.

01:37:49.400 Oh, thanks for that.

01:37:50.380 Yeah. 1.00

01:37:50.620 You hooked me up with that fucking... 1.00

01:37:52.200 It was good. 1.00

01:37:52.760 That commercial.

01:37:53.500 I should have been funnier in that commercial.

01:37:54.980 I got serious.

01:37:55.880 I regret it.

01:37:56.560 No.

01:37:56.800 Mine was kind of serious, too.

01:37:57.780 I know.

01:37:58.320 I think they wanted a little bit of seriousness.

01:38:00.080 A little bit. 0.99

01:38:00.620 But we should have fucked around more. 0.99

01:38:01.800 Segura, when he was giving up for his wife, he's like, my first wife, he kept referring 1.00

01:38:06.640 to his first...

01:38:06.980 It's like, oh, that's the line.

01:38:08.380 That's your joking.

01:38:09.480 Yeah.

01:38:09.780 You can be serious and still joke.

01:38:11.160 And I forgot.

01:38:11.700 I had like a day to prepare.

01:38:13.440 Yeah, same.

01:38:14.420 It was short notice, kind of.

01:38:15.760 Yeah.

01:38:16.540 I mean, half of the people cried in him.

01:38:19.080 I'm like, you guys were comedians.

01:38:20.540 I know, I did.

01:38:21.140 What are you crying about our mom for?

01:38:23.060 Well, my whole podcast is based on crying about my mom.

01:38:26.520 That's crazy.

01:38:27.240 That's right.

01:38:28.000 But no, I totally also understand what you're saying, dude.

01:38:30.600 Trust me.

01:38:31.080 I had to go to comedy court.

01:38:32.620 Robert Kelly and Big Jay took me to comedy court.

01:38:35.480 Did they?

01:38:36.020 Yeah.

01:38:36.280 I'd be like, what is this?

01:38:37.040 All right. 1.00

01:38:37.460 I was like, fuck. 1.00

01:38:39.080 They found it. 1.00

01:38:39.960 They were so mad.

01:38:41.000 What was it about?

01:38:42.000 Not being funny in that Sam Adams commercial.

01:38:43.900 Oh, really?

01:38:44.740 Yeah.

01:38:44.940 That's what they did?

01:38:45.720 Yeah.

01:38:46.520 They're like, are you legitimately giving it up for your friend Red Band helping you?

01:38:51.380 Just in a serious way?

01:38:53.580 And I was like, I don't know.

01:38:54.940 They gave me money to buy.

01:38:55.700 So they gave you money?

01:38:57.620 That's your... 1.00

01:38:58.220 I'm like, fuck, you're right. 1.00

01:38:59.440 It's just like, yeah, you got to go on comedy court. 1.00

01:39:02.580 I'll get a trial for you.

01:39:03.980 Dude, get me a trial, bro.

01:39:05.520 You might have to plead guilty, though.

01:39:06.780 If they showed you that, you might have to be like, I throw myself at the mercy of the

01:39:09.440 court on this one.

01:39:10.260 Oh, yeah.

01:39:10.700 I will, bro.

01:39:11.280 Oh, I got to go out there and do that, man.

01:39:14.240 Yeah.

01:39:14.820 Dude, I wish there was more of that.

01:39:16.600 I think I'm also always jealous of New York comics.

01:39:19.000 You guys just get to be in such a place more where it feels like they're doing real comedy.

01:39:24.720 Yep.

01:39:25.640 Pushing each other.

01:39:27.240 Yeah.

01:39:27.640 Pushing each other.

01:39:28.740 Not being as afraid.

01:39:30.540 I think there's definitely a lot of fear in LA.

01:39:32.720 Fear of the industry.

01:39:33.920 The industry, yeah.

01:39:34.620 But then you also see what the industry can do to guys when they write articles and stuff,

01:39:38.500 and that gets scary.

01:39:39.880 It gets scary.

01:39:41.080 But like you're saying, to always know that you have what you have and that intention can

01:39:49.520 kind of show up down the line.

01:39:53.880 Yeah.

01:39:54.300 I mean, it'd be nice if I was a clean comic.

01:39:56.980 Sometimes I'd be like, that would be cool, but that's not the kind I caught.

01:40:00.260 Yeah.

01:40:00.780 I caught my kind.

01:40:02.160 Yeah, you catch a different kind.

01:40:03.200 I'd be like, it'd be great if I make jokes about food only, but like.

01:40:06.200 Yeah.

01:40:07.280 Bacon.

01:40:08.480 That's why I like when they were doing the rap, when they were all angry about rap, you

01:40:13.380 know, and Olivia Dukakis or wherever it was, like one of them was like really leading the

01:40:17.800 charge of it, like they put the warning label on rap song, but they were trying to just ban

01:40:21.280 it completely.

01:40:22.580 And John Denver spoke up to Congress. 0.98

01:40:25.100 Clean ass John Denver. 0.89

01:40:26.800 He was like, guys, you can't tell musicians. 0.85

01:40:29.620 And he was like, this doesn't affect me. 0.99

01:40:31.120 I'm clean as shit. 0.99

01:40:32.080 We didn't even curse, you know? 0.99

01:40:33.280 Right.

01:40:33.760 Rocky Mountain High was like his most risque thing.

01:40:36.320 And he goes, it ain't even about drugs.

01:40:37.920 Right.

01:40:38.100 It's about the high you get being in nature. 1.00

01:40:39.660 Damn. 0.99

01:40:40.240 But he's like, take me home country. 0.99

01:40:42.140 It's like, and that guy is saying, do you not tell these other musicians what they should

01:40:47.800 be rapping about?

01:40:48.560 That's crazy.

01:40:49.480 Yeah.

01:40:49.720 You got to let them do it.

01:40:53.560 That's just, you have to.

01:40:54.860 And that's John Denver defending that.

01:40:56.860 It's crazy.

01:40:58.420 Yeah.

01:40:58.560 That's fascinating, man.

01:41:00.480 Yeah.

01:41:00.700 It's fascinating what fears are going into things when I make, when, when anybody's making

01:41:04.600 choices and what do we really want?

01:41:06.900 And then what are we really fearful of?

01:41:08.900 I saw something you said about D'Elia where you're like, there's one part that I liked.

01:41:13.100 You're like, I'm not even sure, like even talking about them, if this is going to like

01:41:17.760 hurt me, like affect me in some way.

01:41:21.160 And that's like, that goes through my mind too.

01:41:22.680 And I'd love to be able to say like, I'm not thinking about it, but I am.

01:41:25.700 It's like, it's like, so you have trouble even defending your friend.

01:41:29.660 You can stay out of it, but it's like hard to even defend them.

01:41:31.880 Cause like, are they going to come for me?

01:41:33.420 Right.

01:41:33.820 For, for just saying like, Hey, chill. 0.95

01:41:35.520 They did with Norm McDonald saying, I don't think Roseanne realized that chick was black. 1.00

01:41:41.220 Fuck you. 1.00

01:41:42.020 He's like, I'm not saying it's okay. 1.00

01:41:43.360 I'm saying she didn't mean it racist.

01:41:45.700 Yeah.

01:41:46.380 And people like got mad at him.

01:41:47.840 It's just like, there's no, yeah, you gotta be worried about it.

01:41:51.320 But, but I think it's losing.

01:41:53.320 It's a, it's losing its luster as well. 1.00

01:41:55.900 That fuck you from nowhere. 1.00

01:41:57.500 Yeah. 1.00

01:41:58.320 You can, the thing is with the LA comics, I get, I get the need to weigh in real fast and

01:42:04.040 like cash in on someone else's hard work like mine, but like, but you can take a

01:42:10.600 different stance and still cash in.

01:42:12.240 You can get your podcast out the next day.

01:42:14.280 Right. 0.97

01:42:14.560 But why not take the stance of like, I don't know, defending fucking comedy and, and, and 0.98

01:42:19.800 jokes and, and be like, no, no joke goes too far. 0.97

01:42:22.340 What are you talking about?

01:42:23.500 Tim Dillon did it with me.

01:42:24.920 He did this whole thing.

01:42:25.740 He's like, I don't care for this at all.

01:42:27.320 That tweet, what he wrote was wrong.

01:42:29.620 And his, his cohost, whatever is like, it was like, what do you mean?

01:42:33.360 It's like, I just, it was over the line.

01:42:34.800 What you said about Aretha Franklin?

01:42:36.260 She's one of our, and he goes, no, no, no, no, it's, it's Kobe Bryant.

01:42:38.960 He goes, wait, what?

01:42:40.280 He goes, yeah.

01:42:40.860 Kobe Bryant goes, no, Aretha Franklin right here.

01:42:42.860 When she died, he wrote this.

01:42:44.120 And he's like, oh, it's no, it's different.

01:42:46.160 Well, no, I'm mad about the Aretha Franklin.

01:42:48.320 And that's his way of saying like, guys, guys, he makes fun of dead celebrities.

01:42:51.260 Right.

01:42:51.640 He doesn't like, you know, like calm yourself.

01:42:53.620 But he did it in a funny way.

01:42:55.660 I think in some ways he's the, he's a lot of the leader of that movie.

01:42:58.760 He's pushing it, dude.

01:42:59.740 He's pushing the line.

01:43:01.300 He's pushing that line back.

01:43:02.440 Cause that line wants to keep coming to where we're not gonna be able to do any jokes.

01:43:05.420 And we're not gonna be able to say tranny or anything, anything that you

01:43:09.460 could have before.

01:43:10.420 Yeah. 0.99

01:43:10.700 That you just now can't, you can't make fun of fucking kids getting shot, which I, for 0.99

01:43:14.600 a while when they were saying like, you can't be racist or sexist or like, well, you can 1.00

01:43:18.060 always make fucking school shooting jokes. 0.99

01:43:19.480 And then they're taking those away. 1.00

01:43:20.840 Yeah.

01:43:21.160 And they're like, guys, we're not promoting school shootings.

01:43:22.880 We're trying to find some light in this thing.

01:43:24.540 And you need guys like Tim Dillon, me, there's a, there's a plenty of guys out there.

01:43:29.480 We're like, we're pushing that line back.

01:43:31.100 Comedy needs Tim Dillon to, to keep him, keep you safe where you are, where you think you're

01:43:35.860 safe on the line.

01:43:37.020 You're Kabul, man. 1.00

01:43:38.060 And if America pulls out all those contractors are dead. 0.99

01:43:40.460 So you need those frontline workers fucking pushing it. 1.00

01:43:44.180 Yeah. 0.99

01:43:44.540 We need, it's definitely true, man.

01:43:46.060 It's definitely true. 0.57

01:43:46.980 And it's interesting too, about when you get offended and why, what makes me offended?

01:43:50.300 You know, what am I, what's really going on?

01:43:53.160 And then, yeah, that, oh, that another, that then companies are then serving offense to

01:43:56.860 people.

01:43:57.180 Hey, here's some offense.

01:43:58.600 You like this, don't you?

01:43:59.920 Yeah, you like this.

01:44:00.600 And they know by the algorithm that you like it.

01:44:02.300 So it's like, oh, here, you like this.

01:44:03.780 It's almost like if it's, if somebody came up, you like staying healthy and somebody came 0.99

01:44:08.080 up while you weren't really looking and just put a bunch of fucking Fritos in your 1.00

01:44:13.500 mouth. 1.00

01:44:15.540 Yeah, you're right.

01:44:17.020 And like, I don't want that.

01:44:17.900 Like, oh, you're chewing.

01:44:18.680 You're chewing.

01:44:19.160 What are you chewing then?

01:44:19.880 Yeah.

01:44:20.500 And before you know it, half of it's in your system.

01:44:22.660 Yeah.

01:44:23.140 Now you're addicted. 0.99

01:44:25.080 It's really fucking fascinating. 0.99

01:44:26.780 And we let it happen to the human population. 0.98

01:44:29.280 It's like.

01:44:29.940 We didn't know they were doing experiments on it.

01:44:32.740 When Facebook was doing experiments of like, we're going to show some people like negative

01:44:37.820 stuff and some people positive stuff, we're going to like analyze their comments after

01:44:42.840 that.

01:44:43.140 And they felt like the negative people were more negative, the ones who were exposed to

01:44:45.960 negative.

01:44:46.220 They were doing literal experiments on just our user group.

01:44:48.820 And they found out that would rile them up and they made more comments.

01:44:51.760 And so like, that means we have to show everybody more negative stuff.

01:44:55.060 Wow.

01:44:55.220 And then it affects your mood all the time.

01:44:57.140 You're looking for the anger and you're just like, you ever see, you ever see those like

01:45:02.920 real hippies that are like, like cry over like a sunset and like, you know what I mean?

01:45:07.380 It's like, it's just the trees blowing.

01:45:08.940 It's so beautiful.

01:45:09.560 Yeah. 0.99

01:45:09.860 It's like, damn, they got the right mindset though. 0.99

01:45:12.080 Right. 0.99

01:45:12.400 You know, it's like, they're seeing the beauty of everything.

01:45:14.940 I want to get back to that a little bit.

01:45:16.620 Do you think you could ever get back there?

01:45:18.100 Cause it seemed like you come from a darker place kind of.

01:45:21.160 Yeah.

01:45:21.500 But it's also like, yeah, but I still, I mean, I do plenty of like mushrooms and stuff.

01:45:27.040 So that helps me.

01:45:27.740 It helps you.

01:45:28.220 Oh, for sure.

01:45:28.720 Oh yeah.

01:45:28.940 It definitely helps, man.

01:45:30.020 It definitely helps.

01:45:30.960 See like the greatness and things.

01:45:32.780 Yeah.

01:45:33.420 Yeah.

01:45:33.720 And it's like, we got to be reminded.

01:45:34.880 Cause yeah, it's almost like just the society we built and I don't even know if it's the humanity

01:45:39.060 over all time.

01:45:40.200 I think it just, when you look at the big scheme of things, this could be, you know,

01:45:44.000 if this society goes on for another 500,000 years and this is just a small moment.

01:45:48.600 It is.

01:45:48.980 We're a blip.

01:45:49.600 Yeah.

01:45:49.880 For sure.

01:45:50.400 Remember when the first internet came out and everybody thought, I thought it was all

01:45:53.300 real.

01:45:54.260 You know, that could be 50 years from now.

01:45:56.520 Before there was regulation.

01:45:57.340 Can you believe what they were letting their kids do?

01:45:58.880 They were letting their nine-year-olds be in this incredibly dangerous, addictive, and 0.99

01:46:03.400 fucking harmful thing. 0.99

01:46:05.060 Imagine just putting your nine-year-old in a pack of cigarettes every day. 1.00

01:46:07.840 Dude, I told my, I was talking to my sister about it and I was like, are you worried about

01:46:12.420 like your kids being online?

01:46:13.940 I mean, the danger that you're seeing more and more of how like unsettling it is and bad

01:46:18.220 it is for you.

01:46:18.880 And these are developing minds. 1.00

01:46:20.560 Oh, damn. 1.00

01:46:20.880 So they're talking about like, you're not supposed to smoke weed until you're 16 cause it hurts 1.00

01:46:23.760 to develop.

01:46:24.240 Afterwards, like fine, go for it.

01:46:25.620 But like, so now you're letting a nine-year-old be exposed to this terrible thing and there's

01:46:30.480 no real studies on it yet.

01:46:32.400 And what that's going to do.

01:46:33.860 And she goes, yeah, you know, they need, I need to be able to reach them, which.

01:46:37.840 Nobody could reach us.

01:46:38.960 We went out to ride our bikes when we were 10.

01:46:40.920 We were gone.

01:46:41.960 We were safe.

01:46:43.340 You know?

01:46:43.620 Yeah.

01:46:43.840 There might be a molester here or there, but like mostly we were safe, you know?

01:46:48.100 And I was like, well, what about a flip phone?

01:46:50.440 If you need to reach them, what about a flip phone? 0.59

01:46:52.080 And then from the other room, my nephew's like, shut up, Uncle Ari. 1.00

01:46:55.160 Shut up. 1.00

01:46:55.860 Cause he's like, don't you get my fucking cell phone taken away? 1.00

01:47:00.100 But like, yeah, you're right. 0.99

01:47:02.280 That's going to be a blip.

01:47:03.140 No one's going to remember that we are alive in a thousand years.

01:47:05.920 I know that's any of us.

01:47:07.760 And so like, that's none of this matters.

01:47:10.440 Do you think about having a family and stuff like that?

01:47:12.140 You said you don't want kids, right?

01:47:13.600 No, I had a vasectomy.

01:47:14.580 Did you really?

01:47:15.800 Yeah.

01:47:16.140 A few years ago.

01:47:16.880 No way.

01:47:18.400 2017, 2018.

01:47:19.480 Yeah.

01:47:19.740 Did you let people bid on it on eBay? 0.98

01:47:21.300 I feel like you could fucking get something. 1.00

01:47:22.960 You don't chop your dick off, Theo. 1.00

01:47:24.840 That's not what a vasectomy is. 1.00

01:47:25.560 You take part of your semen out or something. 0.98

01:47:28.100 Semen. 1.00

01:47:28.380 Oh, no, no.

01:47:28.720 It's just like a tube and you cut it and then solder the ends.

01:47:33.360 Smell a little barbecue while it's happening.

01:47:35.720 It seems like as a Jewish person, you wouldn't do that.

01:47:37.920 It seems like the most anti-Semitic thing.

01:47:38.720 I'm not a great Jew.

01:47:39.840 I'm not a great Jew.

01:47:40.740 Yeah, I'm not a great Jew.

01:47:42.520 What about the special?

01:47:43.520 You had made the special Jew, right? 0.84

01:47:44.980 I didn't make it.

01:47:45.820 You didn't make it.

01:47:46.500 Uh-uh.

01:47:46.880 Okay.

01:47:47.280 That's the only real negative is I was gonna.

01:47:50.000 The producers, they were the only ones.

01:47:51.300 It would have happened except the producers pulled out last second.

01:47:52.660 Oh, yeah, because Eric was going to do it too, huh?

01:47:54.420 He was in.

01:47:55.080 He was willing to do it.

01:47:55.940 Oh, I love him.

01:47:56.580 Yeah, he's the best.

01:47:58.400 The venue, the Skirball, they're like, sure, we're in.

01:48:00.900 Hire some security.

01:48:01.800 We're getting some death threats. 1.00

01:48:03.280 And then those fucking producers were like, well, I don't think. 0.99

01:48:06.000 They didn't try to help me find another producer. 1.00

01:48:07.960 They didn't try to transfer over their insurance.

01:48:10.400 They were just like, nah.

01:48:12.360 This ain't it.

01:48:13.260 I'm like, dude, we had 2,700 tickets sold.

01:48:16.680 Six people asked for refunds.

01:48:18.080 Wow. 0.99

01:48:18.460 Which we gave it to them, and those were sold again in fucking seconds. 0.98

01:48:21.660 Did you feel like the Jewish community stood up for you as much in this? 0.98

01:48:24.780 Does it matter really?

01:48:26.360 For the Jew hour, most of them were like, oh, this is really interesting and fun. 0.99

01:48:29.520 Sometimes they were like, this is anti-Semitic.

01:48:31.140 But it's also like, go be angry.

01:48:33.420 It's like, none of your feelings are real or not real.

01:48:36.560 It doesn't matter.

01:48:37.360 It has nothing to do with me.

01:48:38.820 Go be angry.

01:48:39.660 I'm not going to stop doing this.

01:48:41.140 Because also, that rabbi loved it.

01:48:42.660 This rabbi hates it. 0.99

01:48:43.680 Right.

01:48:44.580 It's my experience, man.

01:48:45.580 And Kathleen McGee, this comedian, was in Toronto.

01:48:50.500 Now she's Edmonton or Vancouver or whatever. 0.97

01:48:52.940 She was doing a joke about getting raped. 1.00

01:48:56.000 Somebody was like, yeah, you shouldn't be doing jokes about rape. 0.97

01:48:58.060 She was like, are you telling me not to artistically express my rape?

01:49:03.660 The lady was like, yeah, I don't like it. 1.00

01:49:04.800 It's like, well, you can not like it all you want. 0.97

01:49:06.280 You're wrong to fucking bring this up to me. 0.99

01:49:07.740 That's crazy. 0.99

01:49:09.020 And that is, when you put it like, it is crazy to say, I can't share whatever my experience in the world is.

01:49:15.520 Because then the biggest problem is we're going to be stuck with just one experience.

01:49:20.060 What's already out.

01:49:20.740 That's it.

01:49:21.200 Exactly.

01:49:21.700 And you're like, that's not art.

01:49:23.340 Art is wild outside the lines drawing.

01:49:26.160 That's what it is. 1.00

01:49:27.580 You want a fucking rat king and you want a fucking Jim Gaffigan. 1.00

01:49:31.220 They're way different. 1.00

01:49:32.600 So everyone has their own favorites.

01:49:34.280 And we need, and I do notice Brian Dorfman over at Zaney's here in Nashville is like, they started locking the phones up sometimes again.

01:49:42.840 They were doing this weekend.

01:49:43.820 They were?

01:49:44.260 Love it.

01:49:44.700 Just for attention span, let alone stuff getting out, but just for attention span.

01:49:48.000 Like, I want you to hear my setup.

01:49:49.240 Right.

01:49:49.840 To this joke about trees.

01:49:51.240 It's not even an offensive joke, but it's like, you're missing the setup, dude.

01:49:54.540 I love when you see in the audience sometimes, Stan, I see people like on their phone, not taping me or anything, just on their phone.

01:50:01.780 And then I'll keep going my bit because, you know, we can go a little autopilot, you know, and then I'll like, wait.

01:50:07.280 And I'll be like, hold on, you guys.

01:50:08.280 Let me make a point real quick.

01:50:09.860 Sir, sir.

01:50:10.780 And they're like, look up.

01:50:11.780 I'm like, yeah.

01:50:12.060 I'm like, what was I talking about?

01:50:14.020 And they're like, um, wedding.

01:50:17.740 They like kind of have half heard a little bit.

01:50:19.720 I'm like, nah, you're way off.

01:50:21.440 I'm like, the idea that you're still paying attention.

01:50:23.400 This is the most exciting thing in your week.

01:50:24.900 You're at a live standup comedy show.

01:50:26.400 And you're missing it to scroll because you're an addict because we're all addicts.

01:50:33.020 Oh, that's the truth, man.

01:50:34.680 That's the truth.

01:50:35.400 It's like, what's the worst addiction?

01:50:36.760 What's this?

01:50:37.320 Yeah, it's an addiction.

01:50:39.060 That's the thing we're letting in the way of your life.

01:50:41.020 That's what an addiction is, right?

01:50:42.160 Yeah.

01:50:43.140 Not when you do it a lot. 1.00

01:50:43.980 When you, when it gets in the way of your life, sex addiction is like, it's okay to fuck, 1.00

01:50:48.060 but like you want to hang out with your friends and you go off to fuck because you can't stop yourself. 1.00

01:50:52.200 That's when it's an addiction. 0.99

01:50:54.000 Well, that's what D'Elia talks about too.

01:50:55.620 Now he says like, he would literally be on his phone all the time and he's like, and

01:50:59.320 I equated it later to like, he's just DMing, just literally like going through like, you

01:51:04.120 know, just any woman, anything that has long hair, dude, and bumps on the front of its sternum, 1.00

01:51:09.740 right?

01:51:10.240 It could even be measles, right?

01:51:12.360 It could be anything.

01:51:13.380 And he's just DM, you know, he said, it was like watching somebody shoot heroin into their

01:51:17.640 body.

01:51:18.020 Yeah, exactly.

01:51:18.620 But because it looks different, we don't equate it to the same.

01:51:21.840 My favorite D'Elia was when he started and he was with a chick and he was monogamous 0.60

01:51:25.560 with her and like, he was around willing to talk.

01:51:28.700 He wasn't like running off to do stuff.

01:51:31.220 And then even when he was single doing that, he's not doing anything wrong, but it'd be

01:51:34.520 like, hang out, man.

01:51:36.420 Come hang out.

01:51:37.160 Stop that for a second.

01:51:38.200 Just come hang out.

01:51:39.000 We're all, we're all chilling.

01:51:39.860 Well, that's the coolest thing is that that guy who I didn't never knew that guy is back

01:51:43.500 now.

01:51:43.980 Oh, really?

01:51:44.340 It's real interesting.

01:51:45.400 Yeah.

01:51:45.560 I mean, you could sit with Chris and have a conversation and he's engaged and he tries to express you

01:51:50.820 that he genuinely cares, you know, like just, it's interesting, man.

01:51:54.200 It's powerful to see too.

01:51:55.920 Those cancelings really do set you free at some point.

01:51:57.840 Cause like you already did it.

01:51:58.980 Right.

01:51:59.180 You already did it.

01:51:59.680 So now it's like, let me be who, stop caring about what other people think and just be

01:52:04.460 you.

01:52:05.240 Yeah.

01:52:05.560 That's what's kind of great.

01:52:06.340 I almost feel like in a way I'm kind of like, you're like a free man.

01:52:09.720 It's like when you get COVID, right?

01:52:10.900 You're scared of it, scared of it.

01:52:11.720 Then you get it.

01:52:12.140 You're like, Oh, then I'm immune for the next six months.

01:52:14.100 You're like bars.

01:52:15.260 You got antibodies.

01:52:16.060 You guys want to hang out?

01:52:16.880 You got antibodies, right?

01:52:17.940 Yeah, you're like Frederick Douglass now, Sean, not George Washington.

01:52:21.700 All of a sudden, everything, everything here is changing.

01:52:24.540 Any other good question for all you came in?

01:52:26.480 Yeah, dude.

01:52:26.840 Nashville is a cool town.

01:52:27.760 I'm glad you're here.

01:52:28.400 This is like, it'll be hard not to drink for sure.

01:52:30.840 But like, but like it's a drinking town, but like it's, it's cool here, man.

01:52:35.440 It is.

01:52:35.780 It's interesting. 0.99

01:52:36.300 You get to get some weird shit. 0.98

01:52:38.220 Like, like you get to go over to Kid Rock's house. 0.99

01:52:41.020 You get to go to fucking like, um, like I'm friends with Jimmy John. 0.97

01:52:44.760 Of course you got to know Kid Rock. 0.98

01:52:45.900 That makes complete sense.

01:52:47.640 I wouldn't have thought of it until you said it.

01:52:49.180 Out of his mind, dude.

01:52:50.840 Really?

01:52:51.300 And my audience isn't a country audience.

01:52:52.780 My audience is kind of just like, I think just regular guys.

01:52:55.460 Who likes the country.

01:52:56.520 Who likes looking at it from afar.

01:52:58.120 Yes.

01:52:58.440 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

01:52:58.960 Who wouldn't mind.

01:52:59.700 Yeah.

01:52:59.980 Maybe one day living in it.

01:53:00.460 Give me a version of country.

01:53:01.320 Yeah.

01:53:01.480 But I don't get like the, like the, like the, like, like, I don't get like the red, white

01:53:06.940 and blue, like, you know, or the rebel flag guys.

01:53:09.820 Those have never been my audience.

01:53:11.480 Like my biggest sales are in Portland and Australia, you know?

01:53:14.800 So I think I get like just, um, I don't know.

01:53:18.820 Australia.

01:53:19.360 That's your big one.

01:53:20.000 Really?

01:53:20.600 It's crazy.

01:53:21.340 Yeah.

01:53:21.480 Like they're a great market.

01:53:22.560 Maybe Melbourne, Australia, or just anywhere in Australia.

01:53:25.440 Comics lounge.

01:53:26.020 Yeah.

01:53:26.220 Australia is awesome. 1.00

01:53:26.620 And Australia is kind of a fucking, they're a place built on criminals, you know? 1.00

01:53:31.260 But they got that as a vibe. 1.00

01:53:32.660 Yeah.

01:53:33.160 For sure.

01:53:33.440 And so I think that's who, I think a lot of Michael Artis is just recovering criminals,

01:53:37.100 bro.

01:53:37.400 That's exactly what I think it is, man.

01:53:39.400 Some emo, some emotional recovering from emotional, some recovering from actual crimes.

01:53:43.780 Here, we got a question right here from a guy and we'll finish up.

01:53:46.720 Hello, Ari Shafir.

01:53:48.460 You said it kind of wrong. 1.00

01:53:49.400 I was wondering if you would rather have sex with Hillary Clinton or. 1.00

01:53:54.560 Stop it right there. 1.00

01:53:55.420 I want to.

01:53:56.140 Okay. 0.99

01:53:56.620 I mean, she'd be hot as shit, man. 1.00

01:53:58.440 Because you know she's a straight killer, so you know she fucks like she kills. 1.00

01:54:02.100 Yeah. 1.00

01:54:02.760 Hard and without remorse.

01:54:04.220 I bet she only does reverse cowboy and that she is on her tablet while she's doing it. 0.99

01:54:09.120 Exactly. 1.00

01:54:09.740 Making deals, fucking getting her foundation funded. 1.00

01:54:12.940 Yeah. 1.00

01:54:13.120 Ordering pizza.

01:54:14.220 Exactly.

01:54:14.760 Yeah.

01:54:16.120 Multitasking.

01:54:16.680 Yeah.

01:54:17.540 Multitasking.

01:54:18.100 You're right.

01:54:18.580 Reverse cowgirl with Hillary Clinton. 1.00

01:54:20.900 Somebody's got to Photoshop that from one of my tours.

01:54:23.300 Hillary Clinton reverse cowgirling me. 1.00

01:54:26.100 She's ordering stuff from the new Ari Shafir tour.

01:54:28.280 That's funny.

01:54:31.520 Yeah.

01:54:32.000 I would go.

01:54:32.760 You know what's funny is you go to Fayetteville, Arkansas, and it's just a small college town.

01:54:36.140 It's really neat.

01:54:36.760 And you realize that that's where Bill and Hillary met each other and stuff.

01:54:40.080 It's a really.

01:54:41.020 Wow.

01:54:41.620 It's just interesting.

01:54:43.140 It adds a different context to it all.

01:54:43.880 When you break down their fame to like, oh, you guys are just two Fayetteville people at

01:54:48.060 your heart.

01:54:49.340 It's real, real interesting.

01:54:50.540 You got successful, but.

01:54:51.200 Yeah.

01:54:51.420 You're like, this is like, yeah, just a small.

01:54:53.440 It's actually a beautiful college town.

01:54:54.920 It's like, this is a small college town and you guys just.

01:54:57.860 That's the thing people always forget about like Rogan or any of us too.

01:55:01.280 They're like, oh, he's because he's got this big platform, right?

01:55:03.480 So you're like, he has a responsibility or whatever.

01:55:05.820 And I keep trying to say this in the nicest way.

01:55:07.560 Like, I'm just a douchebag comic. 0.77

01:55:10.400 So are you.

01:55:11.300 So Joe.

01:55:12.180 Yeah.

01:55:12.440 We don't know anything.

01:55:13.380 Right.

01:55:13.720 We're just comics.

01:55:14.640 Right.

01:55:14.880 I'm still just a door guy at the comedy store.

01:55:16.760 Right.

01:55:17.160 Just trying to make a funny joke.

01:55:18.720 And I might've gotten more successful and so are you, so are any of us.

01:55:21.160 But like, we're still just these beginning comics in our hearts.

01:55:24.580 Right.

01:55:24.920 We're still these guys like, want to go to Jerry's Deli late at night?

01:55:27.720 Yeah.

01:55:28.460 And that hasn't changed.

01:55:30.420 Just the cars we're driving. 0.99

01:55:32.060 That's the only shit that's changed. 0.99

01:55:33.340 Yeah. 0.99

01:55:34.240 Yeah.

01:55:34.560 It's a good point, man.

01:55:35.420 I'm so glad that you came over.

01:55:37.560 And spent some time, man.

01:55:38.400 I just, some of this stuff I just need to be reminded of.

01:55:40.560 I need to get a dose of like, of that New York attitude, you know, that you get from you.

01:55:46.940 And just to be, not be afraid to just be free sometimes.

01:55:50.260 Like, I get so scared, you know.

01:55:52.540 I do get so scared.

01:55:53.600 And not just what I'm going to say.

01:55:54.720 Sometimes I don't get that scared about that.

01:55:56.560 But I do get some scared about like, taking a break or taking care of myself.

01:56:00.340 Or like, what do I need to do for me?

01:56:02.300 Because I think I was always just like, the only way I felt okay is if other, is if other

01:56:07.400 people were, you know, like, living for others.

01:56:10.380 Yes.

01:56:10.720 Or when you're growing up, you're like, yeah. 1.00

01:56:12.600 So it's just that kind of shit, you know. 0.99

01:56:14.200 Um, I'm going to make the suggestion. 1.00

01:56:16.800 I've made it to other people in our, in our, in our old comedy store group that I've seen

01:56:20.040 get famous.

01:56:21.400 Um, it's going to be hard, but I would say like, and you could pre-record some podcasts

01:56:25.420 if you want to like, not have, be gone from the fans, you know, but go to another country,

01:56:30.840 go stay in some hostels and leave your phone here in America.

01:56:34.360 Find a burner when you get there and take a month, maybe more, but take a month minimum

01:56:39.020 and just get lost.

01:56:40.180 I mean, you got money now, dude.

01:56:41.680 So it's like to protect yourself, it's going to be hard.

01:56:44.740 I can talk you through where to go and stuff like that, but like the world out there is 0.98

01:56:47.940 wild and it reminds you that things are fun and you'll be, no one will know who the fuck 1.00

01:56:51.700 you are. 1.00

01:56:52.540 You'll get recognized once.

01:56:53.640 Maybe there's a bunch of Irish people who are like, Oh, I've never heard of any of that 1.00

01:56:57.940 shit, you know? 1.00

01:56:58.460 And like you just get free, you get free out there, just out there in the world, South 1.00

01:57:05.040 America or it's like literally stay in hostels just to socialize.

01:57:09.700 You'll get used to it. 0.99

01:57:10.560 And like we said, like people adapt, you get used to a fucking hostile cut in four 0.77

01:57:14.580 days and then like, then you're just like floating and it's, it's just, it's just so 0.90

01:57:20.960 freeing on a level that I can't really fully express.

01:57:24.940 And I would consider doing it.

01:57:26.680 Say like put a date like five months from now or something.

01:57:29.580 So it's like, tell your fans like, Hey, I'm going to be taking January off or something,

01:57:33.060 you know?

01:57:33.400 It's funny that we came to America for freedom and now it's like, we're going other places

01:57:38.580 for it in a weird way.

01:57:39.740 Yeah.

01:57:40.880 Yeah.

01:57:41.300 Interesting.

01:57:43.100 Happy 9-11 dude.

01:57:44.120 And the best Ari Shaffir joke I think I'm saying, dude, happy 9-11. 0.90

01:57:47.460 Thanks.

01:57:47.960 And thanks for being here.

01:57:49.400 You guys check out Ari Shaffir.com for tickets to the tour.

01:57:53.040 And podcast, Ari Shaffir, Skeptic Tank and yoga classes online.

01:57:56.680 Yeah.

01:57:56.860 I want to have you back on.

01:57:57.620 Maybe about relapse actually.

01:57:58.760 We did that walk in the woods, man. 0.99

01:58:00.200 That was fun as shit. 0.99

01:58:00.900 Yeah. 0.98

01:58:01.340 Before we were like recorded stuff, but like, uh, like video recorded, but it was just like

01:58:05.440 carrying mics. 0.98

01:58:06.560 I got lob mics for that same kind of shit now. 0.99

01:58:08.940 And Blair, dude, Blair Sochi, do you know who that is? 0.99

01:58:11.240 She does the breath work. 0.55

01:58:12.420 She's a comedian. 1.00

01:58:13.280 Oh really?

01:58:13.700 And she also does the breath work. 1.00

01:58:14.860 Dude, I did a session with her last week and it was crazy, bro.

01:58:17.680 She live here or back in LA?

01:58:18.800 She's in LA.

01:58:19.560 So we just did it over Zoom.

01:58:20.440 Oh yeah, I know her.

01:58:20.980 But it was like, just like you do all this breathing.

01:58:24.840 And so you get all this carbon or something in your body and then like your nervous system

01:58:28.340 is kind of shut down. 0.99

01:58:29.220 So you're just like literally standing around in your emotions and shit. 1.00

01:58:32.720 Shit was fucking deep. 1.00

01:58:34.880 Isn't that kind of yoga where it's like, it's kind of like that in a way. 1.00

01:58:38.020 Yeah.

01:58:38.900 But for 25 minutes, you're doing that.

01:58:41.640 Dude, you, I couldn't move my arms.

01:58:43.180 You're literally just lobstered out, dude. 0.96

01:58:46.000 I mean, you're fricking Jordan Peterson's pet.

01:58:47.720 Really?

01:58:48.020 Yeah.

01:58:48.340 You're just lobstered out.

01:58:49.280 And then, so then all that's left is like finally some of these emotions come up out

01:58:52.820 of the sediment of like, oh, it felt crazy, bro.

01:58:56.960 That's cool.

01:58:57.620 And you're off all that.

01:58:58.620 I was bawling.

01:58:59.100 Like just tears, not even tears that I wanted to cry, tears that had just been in me just 0.98

01:59:02.620 fucking. 0.99

01:59:05.700 Really? 0.99

01:59:06.400 It was real fascinating, man.

01:59:08.160 I'm actually hoping to do it with her again on Monday.

01:59:10.300 Oh, I'm going to hit her up. 1.00

01:59:11.300 I want to keep doing it.

01:59:12.520 She teaches it for like a class class? 0.96

01:59:14.240 Yeah, she just does it. 1.00

01:59:15.180 Yeah.

01:59:15.360 She knows how to do it. 0.58

01:59:17.420 Cool.

01:59:17.740 She knows how to do it with people.

01:59:20.120 But yeah, man, you're a pioneer, man, in a lot of ways, man.

01:59:24.080 And you know, it's fascinating to hear.

01:59:26.340 Thank you for being here today, bro.

01:59:27.460 Yeah.

01:59:27.780 Thanks for having me, buddy.

01:59:29.060 It's nice seeing you.

01:59:29.940 Me too.

01:59:32.040 All right. 1.00

01:59:32.260 Gay sex now? 1.00

01:59:33.200 Yeah, we'll do a little. 1.00

01:59:34.480 We'll do a little, man.

01:59:35.860 Sean, you're in first, dude, huh?

01:59:37.880 Set a pee.

01:59:38.700 Yeah.

01:59:39.120 He loves it.

01:59:39.720 He can't tell a lot, this guy, man.

01:59:41.220 He loves it.

01:59:42.080 Yeah.

01:59:47.740 Now, I'm just floating on the breeze, and I feel I'm falling like these leaves.

01:59:53.620 I must be cornerstone.

01:59:58.920 Oh, but when I reach that ground, I'll share this peace of mind.

02:00:03.600 Ladies and gentlemen, I'm Jonathan Kite, and welcome to Kite Club, a podcast where

02:00:14.860 I'll be sharing thoughts on things like current events, stand-up stories, and seven ways

02:00:19.480 to pleasure your partner.

02:00:21.260 The answer may shock you.

02:00:22.980 Sometimes I'll interview my friends.

02:00:25.060 Sometimes I won't.

02:00:26.740 And as always, I'll be joined by the voices in my head.

02:00:29.680 You have three new voice messages.

02:00:32.660 A lot of people are talking about Kite Club.

02:00:35.600 I've been talking about Kite Club for so long, longer than anybody else.

02:00:39.880 So great.

02:00:40.500 Hey, sweetheart, here's the deal. 1.00

02:00:44.240 Anyone who doesn't listen to Kite Club is a dodgy, bloody wanker. 0.99

02:00:48.180 Do you know what I mean? 1.00

02:00:49.160 Oh, hi.

02:00:50.320 I'll take a quarter pounder with cheese and a McFlurry.

02:00:53.260 Sorry, sir, but our ice cream machine is broken.

02:00:55.340 Oh, no.

02:00:57.640 I think Tom Hanks just butt-dialed me.

02:01:00.020 Anyway, first rule of Kite Club is, tell everyone about Kite Club.

02:01:04.200 Second rule of Kite Club is, tell everyone about Kite Club.

02:01:08.140 Third rule.

02:01:09.000 Like and subscribe wherever you listen to podcasts or watch us on YouTube, yeah?

02:01:14.240 And yes, don't worry, my Brad Pitt impression will get better.

This Past Weekend with Theo Von - September 14, 2021

E359 Ari Shaffir

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