E363 Swipe Society
Episode Stats
Length
1 hour and 15 minutes
Words per Minute
142.59248
Summary
In this episode, I talk about some of the funniest things I've ever done, and the weirdest things people have ever said to me. I also talk about a few of my favorite childhood movies, and some of my most embarrassing moments growing up.
Transcript
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Charlie, Charlie Cheese, chimpanzee, Charlie Chaplin, the chimpanzee, chocolate chip, chuckling.
00:01:11.820
A lot of time, if you're doing microphone audio, if you're communicating through a microphone
00:01:18.480
or a, you know, somebody, you got a man listening somewhere or a woman or lesbian, a lot of time
00:01:38.680
A certain sound, I guess a certain sound does a certain thing.
00:01:43.420
A certain sound lets you know it's a certain siren.
00:01:55.780
You know, I make a certain sound different times.
00:01:58.060
Like if, uh, if I, if I'm looking for something, I can't find it.
00:02:08.540
But if I'm, if I, if I'm, I went out to the car and I got in it and I do not have something
00:02:24.800
And that's when, look, I could have never been Jesus Christ.
00:02:28.200
Dude, he had to walk all those stairs or whatever with the, um, I don't even know what he had.
00:02:34.140
Like a, uh, big piece of furniture on his back or something.
00:02:37.900
I got to reread it, but, uh, I couldn't, dude, I'll leave anything inside.
00:02:52.940
I literally would rather eat one of my own nuts out of my, uh, nut bag than have to go back in and get it.
00:03:03.980
But I'll be like, girl, that's a sound I make sometimes.
00:03:33.400
And it's something small usually, like my dang, could be, I got a new CBD vapor.
00:03:48.660
So, that's where I'm at mentally and emotionally.
00:03:53.060
But that's a sound, you know, a different sound is something that comes out of a different thing.
00:04:02.720
I'm trying to think when I would make that sound.
00:04:08.440
That's if you're changing a diaper or something, you get duty on you or something.
00:04:22.240
And, uh, and he passed away, but he, uh, when he was alive, he used to do this little, little kind of shit trick.
00:04:33.220
I guess you would call it, and I don't want to be unprofessional or whatever, but it would be like a little, he'd say, hey man, catch.
00:04:42.600
And he'd have a little dog, uh, little doody in his hand, little shit.
00:04:49.940
A dog had done a little, uh, a little turd work or whatever.
00:04:58.320
And he would, he'd be like, hey, hey, bud, you left this.
00:05:00.740
And he'd say something like that and throw it over to you.
00:05:08.740
And, uh, it was something that had come out of a dog's bottom, usually, usually fessies or something.
00:05:19.140
But anyway, um, man, good to be here with you guys today.
00:05:23.500
And I'm really, I'm feeling good today, and I'm grateful you're here.
00:05:26.640
And, uh, I want to thank, um, I want to remind you to support the Netflix special.
00:05:54.700
And, um, you know, it was tough because the material was ready a few years ago.
00:06:05.680
And so there's been this real, but it's like everything.
00:06:13.720
Dude, the other day, I'm trying to buy some cupcake.
00:06:16.480
And I said, hey, man, let me get a couple Halloween, uh, little cupcakes off you.
00:06:24.460
And the guy back there, honestly, I'm not going to say it's, it's a gay guy working back there.
00:06:29.040
And as a straight guy, it's, I'm grateful that the guy is selling cupcakes.
00:06:40.000
Um, the fact that somebody even thought of saying, hey, let's take a big cake and make it small.
00:06:46.720
So daddy could have a ham a little sugar at lunch.
00:06:53.520
Oh, that, that, that's the sound I make when I hear that.
00:07:16.200
And then the guy's like, I just want to tell you, you know, we've had a lot of supply chain issues with the food coloring.
00:07:22.080
And I'm like, dude, dude, I will literally poke my gums with a needle and spit in that white frosting right now.
00:07:37.660
And you can, I see, he was just making conversation.
00:07:40.920
And I, I, I start to see how women feel about men hitting on them.
00:07:47.660
Cause you can't even find a woman working the cupcake area anymore.
00:07:52.880
It's a lot of men on men, you know, it's a lot of sugar boys back there.
00:08:02.300
I'm at, you know, I want everybody to live their best life.
00:08:06.420
But dang, and then the guy's like, well, let me go, let me get your number and I'll let you know if we have anything coming in.
00:08:12.900
Like, dude, I don't need, uh, some guy texting me at night saying we got, you know, green, you know what I'm saying?
00:08:26.240
Like, I'm not trying to roll over in my bed and get that.
00:08:31.760
Hey, just got a little, you know, don't want to alarm.
00:08:35.400
You just got a little, you know, just got a little visine thing full of yellow.
00:08:51.920
You kick a ball in a handicapped kid, 40 years later, bruh, he'll stab you with a knife at a damn, uh, at a, um, what's that place called?
00:09:28.500
There's, I like my, this, it's just different sounds you make.
00:09:34.140
I like the different sounds that we have in us.
00:09:40.620
If you, if you pet a dog and he don't walk off.
00:09:49.300
If, if you pet a dog and he stay right there and let you do it.
00:10:10.100
You get that little, mm, that glee shone on that v-shone, baby.
00:10:17.060
That is when God, that's when you feel God working.
00:10:19.740
When you pet a dog, a strange dog, a miscellaneous dog, baby.
00:10:39.680
But I just want to say thank you for supporting me in comedy.
00:10:44.060
And I am glad that we got the show on the air now.
00:10:48.400
And you can see where you watch Netflix on your phone or whatever.
00:12:37.680
And that right there, that right there is Eddie 9V on the come up.
00:12:49.760
I want to thank David Freese for this beautiful jersey, man.
00:12:57.520
You know, the St. Louis Cardinals, they let me out there on a ball game, on a ball game field.
00:13:07.560
You put me in a game, you lose, or somebody gets down, you know, asthma attacks.
00:13:13.640
I remember they put me in a game once, and five kids had asthma attacks.
00:13:17.040
And the police showed up, and somebody busted some woman for having a, you know, fake handicapping a kid.
00:13:26.960
Sometimes they used to, they'd make one of the kids be retarded or mentally ill just to get that money, that dummy check.
00:13:36.800
You would see it a lot in the poor community, a lot in the urban community.
00:13:39.980
You'd see them have a child that they didn't let go to school.
00:13:42.700
And they keep him out of school so he don't learn anything.
00:13:48.860
But every now and then, you know, and since he don't know anything, he get that check, $600 a month, $300, I think, at the time.
00:13:59.180
And they put a neck brace on him every now and then.
00:14:02.600
They wheel him out to a sporting event or something so people in town could see him, whoever it was or her.
00:14:06.840
You know, and the kid out there, they have, you know, one time the damn, it's usually like foster parents sometimes.
00:14:21.260
You know, family that say, look, we're not doing that good.
00:14:27.500
Let's keep one of them away from the school and put that neck brace on him.
00:14:32.820
And they wheel him out on a dolly to daddy sometime.
00:14:44.040
If he had long as hell, you could barely see him.
00:14:47.000
If he tickled his foot, it took probably four seconds for him to know, you know, what was happening.
00:14:54.740
So you could damn, you know, you could almost burn off one of his toes if you, you know, if you were really cruel.
00:15:06.060
I didn't have that cruel to him where I'm burning, burning children's tarsals or whatever.
00:15:15.160
Oh, but the daddy sometimes would wheel him out there on a damn dolly, a damn, you know, Home Depot dolly.
00:15:20.780
And just prop him out so people in the community could see him.
00:15:27.460
And then, uh, that was just part of the whole deal.
00:15:36.660
Now, I don't, now they give you money for anything.
00:15:40.560
Somebody patted you on the back too hard to give you $70, $80.
00:15:43.580
You know, somebody, you know, spray painted, uh, you know, uh, pussy on your car or something to give you, you know, government give you, to give you $75, $60, $60.
00:16:00.940
Uh, but what I'm saying is he gave me this real jersey from the World Series, dude.
00:16:14.800
I mean, it's just so nice of him to be so gifting like that.
00:16:17.260
And, and the Cardinals made a beautiful run this year and they didn't get it done.
00:16:21.280
And, uh, so anyway, I just wanted to show some homage to them and to St. Louis.
00:16:33.080
If you were at that thing, there was people, somebody, people gestating in the back.
00:16:38.500
Some lady back there, uh, you know, just people loud in the audience.
00:16:46.200
Some lady having a real, a violent, uh, menstrual cycle, you hear.
00:16:51.300
I mean, just really, I mean, just damn full moon and right out of her damn vagina.
00:16:57.200
Just a dark art and people in there, people with, damn.
00:17:00.800
Um, some dude had a, uh, something stuck in his throat, a kazoo or something for half the show.
00:17:18.540
I haven't seen you guys in a while, uh, on a solo episode.
00:17:22.260
Um, and so I wanted to come this week and make sure we got one in.
00:17:35.420
Some guy give me a, uh, railroad tie, piece of iron.
00:17:42.320
I'm eating out, I'm outside having me a little sandwich out there.
00:17:52.760
In Delaware, dude, if you want to, uh, if you want to see people fist fighting, um, and nobody wins.
00:18:05.280
Then you got to go to Wilmington, Delaware's, baby.
00:18:33.680
There was a lot of bulls in the china shop because there was a lot of broken shit around there.
00:18:49.620
Everybody's damn, you know, uh, damn Judeo, uh, African, Italian, Italian, Italian, German.
00:19:01.540
Everybody's African, Italian, Germanese out there.
00:19:03.680
It's all damn, you know, everybody has a twin that's been killed.
00:19:08.320
It's just a, there's a lot of, uh, you're not surprised to have a weapon.
00:19:14.700
He came up, I'm having me a little burger right there on a thoroughfare.
00:19:19.600
And a thoroughfare, everybody in the place that the burger place was in a, uh, I think it was a halfway house.
00:19:24.460
They said it closed at 8 p.m. because people had to sign in or whatever.
00:19:36.900
Uh, but a man gave me a tie, one of them railroad ties real fast.
00:19:48.360
His name could have honestly been F-U-C-K, bro.
00:20:00.000
So, I don't remember what it was, but that was crazy.
00:20:03.120
Wilkes-Beyer was one of the best shows I feel like I've ever had in my life.
00:20:11.620
The only place to stay in town is a damn Holiday Inn or whatever.
00:20:15.640
And it says, when they get there, there's signs everywhere that say,
00:20:21.300
You know your company's having a tough time if they're putting that shit up.
00:20:31.540
They must have, it must have been a draft at a local prison, bro,
00:20:36.040
because everybody in that bitch was, I felt like an inmate.
00:20:40.640
You could hear the guy behind the counter every time he walked over to the printer
00:20:49.760
I'd rather, I'm going to stay in the car and sharpen this railroad tie.
00:21:16.420
I hope no one ever has to honestly speak to that man.
00:21:44.580
And I thought there was definitely a lot of funny parts.
00:21:51.360
Obviously, he's created his own way of doing comedy.
00:22:00.560
The parts for me that were a little rocky were, you know, kind of referred to himself as the goat.
00:22:07.480
I thought some of the, I've noticed his ego has kind of been real sprouting over the years.
00:22:12.480
You know, even just the way he comes, coming to the comedy club and, but I don't know if it's possible for it not to.
00:22:25.200
You know, we live in a world where there's so much reflection of yourself that I think it's hard to hide from your ego.
00:22:36.060
Because now with social media and everything, your ego has weapons.
00:22:39.480
Your ego has, there's so many ways for your ego to communicate back with you and tell you you're good or you're this or you're popular or you're seen or you're whatever, you know.
00:22:52.180
Back in the day, your ego, I mean, it definitely had internal weapons making you think you're great or making you, you know, behave certain types of ways or if you start chiefing on your own shit.
00:23:12.340
He got, I didn't even tell you guys this, my mom's original brother got killed.
00:23:16.300
He was alcoholic, got hit by a, um, or not hit by, he got killed by a train, motocross train or whatever, track train.
00:23:28.980
You know, not three people fucking, you know, ran into him or whatever, um, but, what was I even talking about?
00:23:40.800
But anyway, yeah, I thought it definitely, some of that part where you were referring to yourself as a goat, that's a weird moment.
00:23:45.200
Uh, to watch as a human, um, but I, I, I don't care what he's, I mean, I feel like he got kind of stuck on this transgender discussion thing over the years, which I don't really understand.
00:24:02.960
But I feel like also once you've gotten so many things out of the world, you have all the cash and prizes.
00:24:08.500
What else is there to even, you know, a lot of rich people will end up being, uh, gay or money gays, they call them.
00:24:22.120
And it's like the Roman empire at the end, they're upstairs, you know what I'm saying?
00:24:28.280
They're upstairs, they're upstairs eating fricking newborn cabbages and making love to damn straight and gay children and men and women.
00:24:39.400
Because they'd done everything, they'd exhausted all the options of, of their desires, their desire, because desire is that little leapfrog.
00:24:50.180
You give, you start off, you give them a little butterscotch, baby.
00:24:53.840
And next thing you know, he's hopping, you know, he'll hop over to a damn cupcake two days later.
00:25:09.260
You know, he's at a damn barbecue at a crown plaza.
00:25:13.020
For, you know, an urban kind of family reunion or whatever, and two people get shot.
00:25:18.520
Um, but, but then he'll jump, you know, next thing you know, he's at the jewelry store.
00:25:27.820
And, you know, he'll just keep, you know, it just keeps escalating, whatever it is.
00:25:37.280
So once you've done everything the Romans were doing, I mean, it got real dicey what they were doing.
00:25:44.200
You know, uh, and I just think that's what happens to someone as you get to a certain, it just, there's nothing left to do.
00:25:51.080
Um, so you're sitting around, you're chatting about trans and people that are trans and what's going on.
00:25:58.000
Um, I did like that Netflix supported him and let him say what he wants to say.
00:26:08.320
The only people that care are honestly, I think a bunch of people that just, I don't know.
00:26:18.380
People that are trying to stifle ever all the communication.
00:26:23.440
Some people, the only thing they have to go for or going for them, I think is their sexuality or their, whatever their little difference is.
00:26:33.380
And those sometimes are the people that make their difference a bigger deal.
00:26:51.360
That's the, you know, and it also could be a part of the times we're going through, but I'm glad he got to say what he wanted to say, man.
00:27:00.740
Um, he's one of a kind and, uh, and those are my thoughts on, uh, some of my thoughts on the Dave Chappelle special.
00:27:07.820
I don't get to have a, you know, it's hard for me to have a lot of thoughts at once, but I just tried.
00:27:19.220
Oh, I'm trying to think of anything else that's been going on.
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After the show, sometimes I've been able to pop out and do some meet and greets and surprise some folks.
00:31:31.400
We're not surprised, but just say hey to you guys.
00:31:33.220
Sometimes, some nights it's harder than others.
00:31:43.480
You know, Minneapolis was tough because they made, it was the first venue I've been to where they made them wear masks.
00:31:50.900
And I didn't know it until halfway through the first show.
00:31:59.900
You know, or maybe everybody's, maybe everybody ate something real hot in the lobby and their mouth is burning or everybody ate a Dorito and cut the top of their mouth.
00:32:15.660
And then halfway through, I'm like, oh my gosh, everybody has to have masks in here.
00:32:25.560
And thank you for the people that came and put up with it.
00:32:33.200
When we sold the tickets, none of those things were my choice.
00:32:39.660
Some of these people are just putting these things into place.
00:32:45.240
You know, I live in a place most of the time in the Central East here where people are unmasked and everybody is doing fine and well.
00:32:55.560
And there's no logical, you can't explain to me how you, one, play, it just, so.
00:33:12.520
But I don't know that people should have masks inside of a damn venue.
00:33:23.180
And I hope to not put any more venues on the schedule where that's what's going on.
00:33:27.360
So that is one thing that I'm going to try my best to do.
00:33:33.900
And some people, they say, well, you can't be doing the thing.
00:33:41.520
Now, some places, all the venues are owned by the same company.
00:33:46.860
It's like a YouTube, but it's like a property management, you know.
00:33:52.560
You're just, it's really tough, man, to feel very free.
00:33:58.280
But know that when you feel that way, I feel that way too.
00:34:05.720
Usually, when something needs to change, something does.
00:34:18.120
I just wanted to keep you guys informed, keep you guys tuned in.
00:34:38.360
I've been trying to go to more AA meetings and do more meditation.
00:34:53.520
And I don't know if I find I get angry at any one specific thing, really.
00:35:04.860
It's like the dynamite is in my, it's right under my skin, bro.
00:35:10.920
And it wants me to be, it's like something wants me to be angry.
00:35:14.220
And I can notice it's bad when I wake up and a couple of, one of the, the first few things I think are is that I'm angry.
00:35:30.300
So, yeah, I guess I just want to say that out loud so I'm not just letting it be inside of me.
00:35:39.180
Sometimes if I let things just stay inside of me and I don't say them out loud, then it's like they win.
00:35:44.940
You know, and I wish, you know, I've even been asking my anger, why are you here?
00:35:49.260
Because sometimes it does feel like a, it's like a ghost of something that happened.
00:36:04.320
I don't know what it's, it just feels like a thing that's just like, it's almost feel like it's haunting me.
00:36:09.800
And that sounds crazy, not in the sense like, you know, like there's a damn, uh, exorcism or something sneaking in my ear at night.
00:36:30.680
Sometimes I feel like there's an infection in me.
00:36:36.180
Uh, but anyway, we got some beautiful calls that came in, man.
00:36:41.480
Sometimes I feel like, man, this podcast is about me so much.
00:37:11.120
And that mechanical, you know, you're that little mechanical bad girl.
00:37:19.020
You out there just using, you know, you out there using that little monkey wrench.
00:37:30.880
I'm calling to tell you about a recent experience I had.
00:37:47.820
And a child is like a little fireplace for your family.
00:37:53.100
Your family will be shooting damn arrows at each other.
00:38:01.660
People will stop doing heroin, at least in the daytime.
00:38:46.900
I guess if you didn't like him, they want, they're ready to, you know, this family's ready to bust over all.
00:38:54.100
Somebody about to get natted out and get that procreation going on.
00:39:02.760
If Freddy ain't your fit, then we got little Frankie right here on the sidestep.
00:39:10.460
If you don't like Ernie as that entree, then we got little, that little side item Sammy right here.
00:39:17.620
He'll get in there and he'll nut around until somebody has something to give birth to.
00:39:32.760
But I think from this experiment, I've learned I could have two boyfriends.
00:40:11.240
We're in the last chapter of the Bible, I feel like.
00:40:13.840
And I don't know what it is, Ephesians or whatever.
00:40:22.100
It's like an inventory of how many men and how many sheep were in the whole book.
00:40:32.920
You know, people aren't even clocking in for work anymore.
00:41:07.780
If you want to get that double up, get that family.
00:41:16.980
Let each of them boys take that chance at that procreation.
00:41:24.820
And at least you're going to achieve your grandfather's goals or whatever by giving him that little papoose.
00:41:32.880
And look, a lot of us, we just want somebody to love.
00:41:35.300
It doesn't matter what form it comes in or how it comes.
00:41:40.380
You know, I think if you can be honest with your partner about it.
00:41:46.140
But there's certainly a new age of people that's more about polyamory and polyygamous.
00:41:55.540
If you want to have a little bit of Oreo over here.
00:42:00.800
But you want to also, you know, get a little bit of these butternutters over there.
00:42:11.180
And the whole time be skittling under your tongue.
00:42:16.660
And it's, I think as long as everybody, there's not as much jealousy maybe.
00:42:42.080
If somebody will feed Rhonda for the night, you're welcome to take her off of my hands, baby.
00:42:49.200
So it's a lot of, there's definitely more sharing is caring.
00:42:58.720
You know, a friend of mine said her daughter is getting taken care of half the time by her grandmother.
00:43:06.080
And at first I thought, man, it's a little, it might be messed up.
00:43:08.660
But then I thought, well, that's how it probably used to be.
00:43:18.240
You'll drown one of your damn cousins or whatever.
00:43:20.520
Everybody's in the damn, everybody's in the house.
00:43:24.340
You open up a top of a shipper robe and you, you know, your great uncle's in there.
00:43:30.840
You know, and he's almost deceased, but he's also covered in socks.
00:43:38.020
But it's like the whole family sticks together and it's more of a tribal thing.
00:43:44.300
And also shout out to the date for bringing Cuzzle along, huh?
00:43:59.300
And watch them steal that and make that, if that isn't, they might already have that as a wing man.
00:44:08.380
But, but yeah, you look, stay alert, stay alarmed.
00:44:14.040
Somebody gave me a damn shiv the other night before my own show when I was having a little sandwich at a halfway house.
00:44:19.300
So if you don't think we on the last notch of the belt, if you don't think this buckle's about to bust, then you don't know nothing about a 35-inch waist, homie gang, gang.
00:44:47.220
But y'all gonna, I wonder if y'all split that check three ways.
00:44:57.400
Dude, if I'd have been on a date and some lady brings her freaking cousin, I got twice the chances of a date, of meeting somebody over one dinner.
00:45:09.820
I'm having one BLT, but I got double the chances of some TIT.
00:45:37.600
I wanted to see what your views on monogamy are.
00:45:42.120
Just with everything going on nowadays, it seems like it's a lot less than it used to be.
00:45:47.620
And I don't know if I feel like it's going to be a part of my generation.
00:46:11.800
Some nights I've felt like they're good and some nights I've felt like they're not.
00:46:28.440
I just, if I enjoyed things, we wouldn't even have this show.
00:46:33.480
So, but I did just crack open to a damn Werther's, boy.
00:46:59.440
Um, you know, I think it's interesting that monogamy is becoming less of a thing.
00:47:08.860
Because I think you're, you're, you're getting marriages, they're not where, because people
00:47:14.540
They want to be able to sneak around a pine tree and blow somebody out or touch somebody's
00:47:20.240
asshole or whatever, you know, these kids are doing.
00:47:27.340
Um, but yeah, people want to just be able to explore.
00:47:37.920
And before there was shows about like they had cheaters, you know, when they got that
00:47:42.960
Jewish Italian dude or whatever and they stabbed him on the boat because big Adrian is, uh, you
00:47:48.820
know, he's out there, you know, just boarding down some thick guy's wife or something at
00:47:57.340
Uh, but, but yeah, and they used to have, they had the Don, you know, uh, Phil Donahue's
00:48:08.340
They had all these Wendy Williams or the, um, what's the guy's name?
00:48:17.320
He's so I, he's like, oh, you could be the daddy, that guy, whatever.
00:48:26.540
And they bring up in the envelope and it's like the, it's, I think it used to be an advertisement
00:48:32.320
for them UPS or whatever, but they're like stamps.com, you know, uh, Sinclair, you are
00:48:41.880
And then the, the package or whatever is from stamps.com, but, uh, anyway, so I don't know
00:48:51.960
Uh, oh, so that was, the cheating was a big thing.
00:49:04.280
This is, and everything is get, it's getting more swirly.
00:49:21.160
You're seeing, I think the downside of, uh, the comforts of a capitalist of maybe capitalist
00:49:37.560
But we could be coming to the end of, you know, every period of history has a time.
00:49:48.540
Mesoloic, uh, Game of Thrones, Dragons, uh, Columbus, NASA.
00:50:12.600
So you're seeing, you know, everything kind of goes through its time.
00:50:16.700
And I think, and this could be what, you know, I don't know.
00:50:21.620
Do you guys think we're at the end of times as far as like what American society has been
00:50:26.540
like, do you think, or do you think we're just going through a little transition period
00:50:31.180
and it's going to come out bigger and brighter?
00:50:38.000
I wonder sometimes is, you know, are we stuck in this, in this swipe society where we're just,
00:50:48.120
we're literally just swiping for things that we want.
00:50:55.080
Whether they're human or not, human, food, uh, Instacart, Instahart.
00:51:03.300
We're looking, all of it is, is, we have access to it all.
00:51:14.000
And so does it all lose its meaning when it's right there?
00:51:18.840
If you wake up with food in your mouth, man, then the part of you that wants to eat, it'll
00:51:34.620
Not the part of you that swallows the food, but the part of you that wants to eat.
00:51:40.260
But more so, the part of you that wants to hunt.
00:51:57.940
Um, so those are some of my thoughts on it, man.
00:52:01.480
And I'd love to know what some of you guys think.
00:52:03.300
What are some of your thoughts on those types of things?
00:52:09.920
Oh, we got a beautiful single mom that we're going to hit up at the end of today's show.
00:52:12.740
Um, you know, my mom texted me yesterday and just told me she was real proud of me and
00:52:20.340
Uh, I'm also going to tell you what's going to help you keep your hair.
00:52:27.100
You know, so many men get rid of their hair falls out, falls into their tub, their shirt.
00:52:32.200
Dude, I had a buddy, he would collect all his hair in his bathroom and dry it out on the
00:52:36.040
counter and shit and try to fucking just kind of put it back in his head on Friday night.
00:52:39.420
Um, my friend Jeremy, dude, and I respected it, but it was, it was also kind of crazy.
00:52:48.860
He did online gaming for a while and, and then his mom left him actually.
00:52:54.180
He lived with his mother and she, he wouldn't move out.
00:53:08.520
They offer generic versions, discrete packaging, proven results.
00:53:14.260
Treatments can take four to six months to see results.
00:53:18.520
You know, I recently quit taking my hair medicine because I wanted to see if it was causing some,
00:53:25.260
And, uh, and so I noticed a lot of my hair thinned out, you know, um, so the, these medicines stuff do work.
00:53:32.920
So, uh, just letting you know that they, they, they do work.
00:53:36.520
If you have to take them a lot though, uh, you know, you got to take it.
00:53:40.060
You got to really, you really are a slave to a pill.
00:53:44.600
So if you're ready to take action and prevent hair losses, go to keeps.com slash keeps.com singular slash Theo to get your,
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00:53:56.800
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00:54:07.200
After years of fine print contracts and getting ripped off by big wireless providers,
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00:55:30.760
Obviously named after, I'm guessing, probably a Corvette and a van, maybe?
00:55:39.120
One of your parents was cool, and one of them drove a van.
00:55:44.640
I'm a civil engineer in the great state of Mississippi.
00:55:53.760
Y'all been engineering civility over there, huh?
00:56:15.080
I know you said the call in about what scares us.
00:56:22.800
You know, I'm 25 right now, getting married, coming down the pipe.
00:56:29.980
And, you know, my hair's falling out, starting to pull some gray hairs.
00:57:05.400
I feel like I'm running out of time to learn whatever lessons that I'm supposed to learn
00:57:11.400
or that the gods want me to learn or that my higher power, you know,
00:57:16.180
that I'm not going to have enough time to learn certain things.
00:57:33.300
When you reach for your nuts and you have to reach a little bit in a different place than you used to reach.
00:57:43.120
For your hair, I would say, dude, don't pull out the gray hairs.
00:57:52.360
So then later, if you don't have any hair, you're going to wish you'd never plucked them.
00:58:12.120
You know, my father, obviously, I've mentioned, was 70 when I was born.
00:58:19.680
You know, about 80 by the time I kind of really got a good look at him.
00:58:23.600
And watching him move and watching him be unable to do things.
00:58:36.040
When old people, water starts coming out of them wherever it can.
00:58:42.760
They'll fall asleep and they'll just cry for like 30 minutes while they're sleeping.
00:58:46.600
They'll wake up and won't even have to pee anymore.
00:58:50.420
And they just, you know, just their tear ducts was just damn doing urine.
00:59:10.020
I think the thing that gets, the thing that I noticed for me that makes it spookier is not filling my life sometimes with things that make you then feel young.
00:59:20.740
I'll fill it with a lot of like worldly stuff that makes me feel young.
00:59:24.380
You know, I date women at all ages, anywhere from probably, you know, 40 to probably 25.
00:59:35.060
So, sometimes you date a younger lady, it makes you feel a little bit younger.
00:59:41.020
I'll play hoops with the, you know, younger generations and stuff like that.
00:59:50.920
I'll listen to those freaking little pineapple wiggas right there, dude.
01:00:03.660
But, yeah, there's something about it that stings, man.
01:00:06.960
It's that, it's that the fact that you don't know.
01:00:10.500
So, you know, the fact that you get, but I, you know, I think getting, I think you want to make sure you get to do the things you can do while you're here.
01:00:52.780
That you get to let somebody know how much they mean to you.
01:01:01.540
That you get to have real, real, real human experiences.
01:01:06.740
That those moments where when your mouth wants to say something, you don't say something.
01:01:13.840
That you really push the pedal on this experience of being human.
01:01:19.380
That's, that's one way to defeat some of that aging feeling, I think.
01:01:27.240
I think people used to feel like this was all there was in the existence realm.
01:01:34.700
Now, thanks to, I think just our own imaginations.
01:01:47.360
I think people are moving on and doing different things after they die.
01:01:53.200
And so, I think people are more curious about those.
01:01:56.860
Especially if we're living in a society where maybe people aren't always making the most out of all of the freaking, you know, out of all the stuff we got.
01:02:05.860
But, but, and I don't mean to sound that in a, in like a dour way.
01:02:11.040
But, I start noticing for myself, well, I want to feel different.
01:02:21.500
I need to be brave enough to do these things that are going to make me feel alive.
01:02:30.540
Because, yeah, it's a little spooky getting older, man.
01:02:35.820
And fighting to stay young is the, oh, that's the worst.
01:02:39.700
Dude, I went on a date with a gal and I showed, she's, what music we're playing in the car.
01:03:06.540
And you just see your date's face just disappear.
01:03:11.580
And it just, like, just things like, like, trying to stay young is very hard.
01:03:24.960
But we're all chasing that moment of just, when time was, being older wasn't even a thing.
01:03:44.560
When you thought about being across the room and you were across the room.
01:03:50.680
Where you laugh, your friends would make you laugh just like everything was so free.
01:04:02.140
So, to be that way again, no matter what age you are, that is such a search, I think.
01:04:28.720
That when age comes to count you or cake you up one year, you say, hey, fam.
01:04:40.720
You know I'm doing something that you can't calculate.
01:04:46.340
And living in that kind of joy, I think there's a lot of value in that.
01:04:54.340
That's why it always pains me when people die young.
01:04:56.900
That they don't get to try and see how things work and get to have the most out of this experience.
01:05:11.740
This is Reed from the great state of Louisiana.
01:05:16.320
So, really a lot of southern calls from this episode.
01:05:18.680
Let's get some good calls from other places, too, man.
01:05:49.020
You were wondering where everybody's from and what they do for a living and what scares them.
01:05:56.120
I'm a crop duster, so I fly 145 miles an hour, about six feet off the ground.
01:06:03.600
It's a great time under power lines and over trees.
01:06:09.320
I'm afraid of spiders, but that really doesn't matter.
01:06:16.820
I always get a kick out of all your podcasts and even the podcast you do with that CTE, fella.
01:06:39.600
You out there, you that hit man on them bugs, baby.
01:06:45.900
You out there just taking care of those soybeans, corn, cotton, I'm guessing.
01:06:50.140
I remember when I used to work on a, used to work up there near Deer Park in Vidalia, Louisiana,
01:07:02.540
And sometimes we would get a crop duster to come in and we'd go watch and be pretty cool, you know.
01:07:07.360
Nice change of pace from the day, break up to afternoon or whatever.
01:07:15.000
Look, if you're scared of spiders, man, I don't blame you.
01:07:20.420
Especially, look, you sometimes see them videos at a funeral that climb out of a damn eyeball or whatever.
01:07:25.980
Spiders, they, you know, the real Fred Astaire of the insect kingdom, too, because they could really,
01:07:33.620
you put a right song on, they'll fucking hit the beat, boy.
01:07:41.340
You see in a two-step, what about that eight-step, dog?
01:07:47.660
Dude, they definitely, they'll Rick and Morty right out of their own pants, bro.
01:07:56.120
I'm glad you're killing other bugs that are really doing bad stuff out there.
01:08:00.020
Because I hate getting an apple, have something, a little worm, a little something, a little hole in it.
01:08:04.160
A little damn hornet or something, stung it, or just all kind of shit.
01:08:08.620
Get a little ant up in your damn strawberry or something.
01:08:12.720
So I'm glad, I'm glad knowing you out there in the airwaves, risking your life going under power lines.
01:08:23.060
I'm glad you're here with us while you still are.
01:08:28.960
You know, really, it's a really, you guys get euthanized all the time by the power line.
01:08:35.700
You know, you guys get really shut down by God a lot.
01:08:43.720
And actually, we're having trouble locating the call that came in to nominate the single mom.
01:08:54.100
We'll do it next time on the next solo episode.
01:09:00.500
And thank you guys for being a part of my life.
01:09:08.340
I'm feeling a little bit exhausted right now, so I'm going to shut it down and take a nap
01:09:13.380
or do something to help alleviate some, you know, I just feel, yeah, I just get overrun
01:09:27.220
On the way out, I'm going to listen to a song that I've really come to love.
01:09:29.980
And this guy just captures, you know, he, I've never had music that really just spoke
01:09:37.780
to me, just spoke, was like saying words that I always wanted to be able to say and, and
01:09:48.000
And, um, and yeah, we're going to go out on this, uh, gang, gang, baby.
01:09:55.300
If you're upstairs, stay there and, uh, and I'll see you there, uh, in the future.
01:10:01.560
And I'll see you guys in Charleston and Asheville, uh, this weekend.
01:10:10.880
If you need the hotline, if you're struggling with something, 985-664-9503.
01:13:29.100
Yeah, man, y'all can go get that hitter right there.
01:13:53.620
Yeah, that's Evan Bartels' Lonesome is that song.
01:14:00.240
Yeah, if that song hits you some type of way, let me know about it, man.
01:14:06.620
That's the Muhammad Ali of my damn feelings, bro.
01:14:16.060
Ladies and gentlemen, I'm Jonathan Kite, and welcome to Kite Club,
01:14:19.560
a podcast where I'll be sharing thoughts on things like current events,
01:14:23.600
stand-up stories, and seven ways to pleasure your partner.
01:14:32.660
And as always, I'll be joined by the voices in my head.
01:14:41.660
I've been talking about Kite Club for so long, longer than anybody else.
01:14:50.320
Anyone who doesn't listen to Kite Club is a dodgy bloody wanker.
01:14:56.400
I'll take a quarter pounder with cheese and a McFlurry.
01:14:59.320
Sorry, sir, but our ice cream machine is broken.
01:15:15.060
Like and subscribe wherever you listen to podcasts.