This Past Weekend with Theo Von - E363 Swipe Society

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00:00:43.260 Today's episode is brought to you by Liquid Death.

00:00:47.340 All right, check, check.

00:00:49.180 Chicken Charlie.

00:00:51.820 Chicken Charlie.

00:00:52.940 Charlie, Charlie Cheese, chimpanzee, Charlie Chaplin, the chimpanzee, chocolate chip, chuckling.

00:01:10.200 Those are all chill words.

00:01:11.820 A lot of time, if you're doing microphone audio, if you're communicating through a microphone

00:01:18.480 or a, you know, somebody, you got a man listening somewhere or a woman or lesbian, a lot of time

00:01:26.280 they'll say, can you give me a sound check?

00:01:29.640 And people will say, Mike, check, Charlie.

00:01:32.740 Check, Charlie.

00:01:33.680 They want to chuh sounds. 0.93

00:01:37.260 They want a certain sound.

00:01:38.680 A certain sound, I guess a certain sound does a certain thing.

00:01:43.420 A certain sound lets you know it's a certain siren.

00:01:50.320 It's a certain warning.

00:01:53.220 A certain sound.

00:01:55.780 You know, I make a certain sound different times.

00:01:58.060 Like if, uh, if I, if I'm looking for something, I can't find it.

00:02:08.540 But if I'm, if I, if I'm, I went out to the car and I got in it and I do not have something

00:02:16.600 I need, I have to go back inside.

00:02:19.720 Jesus Christ.

00:02:24.800 And that's when, look, I could have never been Jesus Christ.

00:02:28.200 Dude, he had to walk all those stairs or whatever with the, um, I don't even know what he had.

00:02:34.140 Like a, uh, big piece of furniture on his back or something.

00:02:37.220 I don't even know.

00:02:37.900 I got to reread it, but, uh, I couldn't, dude, I'll leave anything inside.

00:02:45.780 And he did like a thousand steps or something.

00:02:48.940 I'll leave anything inside.

00:02:52.940 I literally would rather eat one of my own nuts out of my, uh, nut bag than have to go back in and get it.

00:03:03.980 But I'll be like, girl, that's a sound I make sometimes.

00:03:13.600 And I'll go back in.

00:03:16.260 I have to unlock the door.

00:03:17.240 I'm like, oh, then I will, I will yell.

00:03:22.700 Where are, where, where are you?

00:03:24.800 Where, where would you put that?

00:03:27.940 I will yell at myself so evil.

00:03:33.400 And it's something small usually, like my dang, could be, I got a new CBD vapor.

00:03:41.220 It's CBD, it's vaping, but it's non-addictive.

00:03:43.860 And, uh, it's laser lime.

00:03:48.660 So, that's where I'm at mentally and emotionally.

00:03:53.060 But that's a sound, you know, a different sound is something that comes out of a different thing.

00:03:58.100 Ah!

00:04:00.660 Ah!

00:04:02.720 I'm trying to think when I would make that sound.

00:04:05.560 Ah!

00:04:08.040 Oh! 0.60

00:04:08.440 That's if you're changing a diaper or something, you get duty on you or something.

00:04:13.600 Or if you touch duty somewhere.

00:04:18.500 My friend used to do this trick. 0.99

00:04:22.240 And, uh, and he passed away, but he, uh, when he was alive, he used to do this little, little kind of shit trick. 0.97

00:04:33.220 I guess you would call it, and I don't want to be unprofessional or whatever, but it would be like a little, he'd say, hey man, catch. 1.00

00:04:42.600 And he'd have a little dog, uh, little doody in his hand, little shit. 0.99

00:04:49.940 A dog had done a little, uh, a little turd work or whatever. 1.00

00:04:56.320 A little booty, a little booty shit. 1.00

00:04:58.320 And he would, he'd be like, hey, hey, bud, you left this. 1.00

00:05:00.740 And he'd say something like that and throw it over to you.

00:05:04.040 And you'd catch it.

00:05:05.000 You didn't know what it was.

00:05:08.740 And, uh, it was something that had come out of a dog's bottom, usually, usually fessies or something.

00:05:19.140 But anyway, um, man, good to be here with you guys today.

00:05:23.500 And I'm really, I'm feeling good today, and I'm grateful you're here.

00:05:26.640 And, uh, I want to thank, um, I want to remind you to support the Netflix special.

00:05:31.980 It's out now.

00:05:33.140 You can check it out.

00:05:34.560 Uh, it's on Netflix platform.

00:05:38.040 So you can see it get on there.

00:05:41.060 I've been meaning to watch also Made on there.

00:05:45.520 Um, but I haven't seen that yet.

00:05:48.300 Um, and, yeah, I'm glad it's out.

00:05:53.560 I'm glad that it's done.

00:05:54.700 And, um, you know, it was tough because the material was ready a few years ago.

00:06:00.240 And then the, uh, the pandemic.

00:06:05.680 And so there's been this real, but it's like everything.

00:06:10.260 Supply chain.

00:06:11.120 That's what they call it.

00:06:13.720 Dude, the other day, I'm trying to buy some cupcake.

00:06:16.480 And I said, hey, man, let me get a couple Halloween, uh, little cupcakes off you.

00:06:23.740 You know what I'm saying? 0.88

00:06:24.460 And the guy back there, honestly, I'm not going to say it's, it's a gay guy working back there. 0.60

00:06:29.040 And as a straight guy, it's, I'm grateful that the guy is selling cupcakes.

00:06:38.560 I'm grateful anybody's selling them.

00:06:40.000 Um, the fact that somebody even thought of saying, hey, let's take a big cake and make it small.

00:06:46.720 So daddy could have a ham a little sugar at lunch.

00:06:50.980 God, that makes me.

00:06:53.520 Oh, that, that, that's the sound I make when I hear that. 1.00

00:06:58.660 Oh, that sort of Jewish ejaculation. 1.00

00:07:03.000 Oh, um, but what was I talking about? 1.00

00:07:14.360 Oh yeah, it's just tough.

00:07:16.200 And then the guy's like, I just want to tell you, you know, we've had a lot of supply chain issues with the food coloring.

00:07:22.080 And I'm like, dude, dude, I will literally poke my gums with a needle and spit in that white frosting right now.

00:07:33.480 I'll do that three times. 0.68

00:07:34.980 We will get it to orange.

00:07:37.660 And you can, I see, he was just making conversation.

00:07:40.920 And I, I, I start to see how women feel about men hitting on them.

00:07:47.660 Cause you can't even find a woman working the cupcake area anymore. 1.00

00:07:52.880 It's a lot of men on men, you know, it's a lot of sugar boys back there. 1.00

00:08:00.320 And I'm here for it.

00:08:01.560 I support it.

00:08:02.300 I'm at, you know, I want everybody to live their best life.

00:08:06.420 But dang, and then the guy's like, well, let me go, let me get your number and I'll let you know if we have anything coming in.

00:08:12.900 Like, dude, I don't need, uh, some guy texting me at night saying we got, you know, green, you know what I'm saying?

00:08:24.960 And we got all the fall colors.

00:08:26.240 Like, I'm not trying to roll over in my bed and get that.

00:08:31.760 Hey, just got a little, you know, don't want to alarm.

00:08:35.400 You just got a little, you know, just got a little visine thing full of yellow.

00:08:39.300 You know what I'm saying?

00:08:40.080 Like, just, it just, but that's life.

00:08:45.860 Life is that full circle.

00:08:50.160 Life's that full circle, man. 0.99

00:08:51.920 You kick a ball in a handicapped kid, 40 years later, bruh, he'll stab you with a knife at a damn, uh, at a, um, what's that place called? 1.00

00:09:09.420 Piccadilly Cafeteria. 1.00

00:09:10.620 That's, that's how it works, so.

00:09:20.220 Oh, oh.

00:09:23.440 Mm, mm, mm, mm.

00:09:28.500 There's, I like my, this, it's just different sounds you make.

00:09:31.340 Oh, I wear a lot.

00:09:34.140 I like the different sounds that we have in us.

00:09:36.860 There's a lot of them, you know.

00:09:39.460 Oh.

00:09:40.620 If you, if you pet a dog and he don't walk off.

00:09:45.500 God, I love that.

00:09:47.140 God, I love that.

00:09:49.300 If, if you pet a dog and he stay right there and let you do it.

00:09:56.880 God. 1.00

00:09:58.340 You turn into a dang pedophile, baby. 1.00

00:10:00.940 You know what I'm saying, boy? 1.00

00:10:02.880 You get that wowser on that schnauzer, baby. 1.00

00:10:07.320 Mm.

00:10:08.300 You just, he keeps letting you do it.

00:10:10.100 You get that little, mm, that glee shone on that v-shone, baby. 0.97

00:10:17.060 That is when God, that's when you feel God working.

00:10:19.740 When you pet a dog, a strange dog, a miscellaneous dog, baby.

00:10:25.620 And it lets you keep petting.

00:10:31.100 Mm. 1.00

00:10:35.000 Oh, make you want to kick a fat kid at Kmart. 1.00

00:10:37.760 You know what I'm saying? 0.99

00:10:38.760 Praise God, baby.

00:10:39.680 But I just want to say thank you for supporting me in comedy.

00:10:44.060 And I am glad that we got the show on the air now.

00:10:48.400 And you can see where you watch Netflix on your phone or whatever.

00:10:51.860 And tell your friends, tell your wife.

00:10:54.100 You know what I'm saying?

00:10:54.840 They're ripping everybody out here.

00:10:56.020 All right.

00:10:59.260 Let's get into it, baby.

00:11:00.220 Let's get into it.

00:11:00.760 Got a nice episode for you here today.

00:11:02.540 And I'm happy to be alive.

00:11:04.240 And I'm happy you're alive.

00:11:05.740 And I mean that.

00:11:07.180 And if nobody's told you that today, boom.

00:11:11.020 Somebody has.

00:11:12.180 We got our boy, Eddie, nine volts.

00:11:26.160 Mm.

00:11:27.460 About to get electrocuted. 1.00

00:11:28.820 Let's get electrocuted. 0.99

00:11:31.400 I'm on a come up. 0.87

00:11:33.980 Yeah.

00:11:35.600 Feels real good after I've been so blue.

00:11:39.100 Mm-hmm.

00:11:40.240 Feels on a come up.

00:11:42.180 Feels so good to have a brand new view.

00:11:50.320 Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:11:53.820 Well, I just broke up with my baby.

00:11:57.920 Now I can finally get the love in you.

00:12:01.340 Mm-mm-mm-mm.

00:12:02.520 Yeah, yeah, come up.

00:12:04.980 I just jumped up to Lucky Street.

00:12:09.680 Set to me.

00:12:11.000 You're on a come up.

00:12:13.760 You're on a come up.

00:12:16.760 And it's like you see, buddy, you and me.

00:12:19.460 We got so much loving and chemistry.

00:12:22.140 You're on a come up.

00:12:24.760 You're on a come up.

00:12:28.360 Mm-mm-mm-mm.

00:12:29.240 I'm rummin'.

00:12:30.360 Ain't gonna raise a run there.

00:12:33.600 I'm on a come up.

00:12:36.140 You're on a come up.

00:12:37.680 And that right there, that right there is Eddie 9V on the come up.

00:12:45.120 Oh, that song lifts me.

00:12:47.400 I feel lifted.

00:12:48.880 I feel lifted.

00:12:49.760 I want to thank David Freese for this beautiful jersey, man.

00:12:57.520 You know, the St. Louis Cardinals, they let me out there on a ball game, on a ball game field.

00:13:01.900 And I'm bad luck usually on a ball game field.

00:13:07.560 You put me in a game, you lose, or somebody gets down, you know, asthma attacks.

00:13:13.640 I remember they put me in a game once, and five kids had asthma attacks.

00:13:17.040 And the police showed up, and somebody busted some woman for having a, you know, fake handicapping a kid. 0.96

00:13:26.960 Sometimes they used to, they'd make one of the kids be retarded or mentally ill just to get that money, that dummy check. 0.90

00:13:36.800 You would see it a lot in the poor community, a lot in the urban community.

00:13:39.980 You'd see them have a child that they didn't let go to school.

00:13:42.700 And they keep him out of school so he don't learn anything.

00:13:48.860 But every now and then, you know, and since he don't know anything, he get that check, $600 a month, $300, I think, at the time.

00:13:59.180 And they put a neck brace on him every now and then.

00:14:02.600 They wheel him out to a sporting event or something so people in town could see him, whoever it was or her. 0.94

00:14:06.840 You know, and the kid out there, they have, you know, one time the damn, it's usually like foster parents sometimes. 0.96

00:14:17.840 But sometimes it's people's own parents. 0.97

00:14:21.260 You know, family that say, look, we're not doing that good.

00:14:24.700 We ain't making much money.

00:14:26.080 We got four or five kids.

00:14:27.500 Let's keep one of them away from the school and put that neck brace on him.

00:14:32.820 And they wheel him out on a dolly to daddy sometime.

00:14:35.420 I remember wheeling this one kid out.

00:14:38.400 You know, this boy long.

00:14:39.860 They call him Long Tommy because he was long.

00:14:44.040 If he had long as hell, you could barely see him.

00:14:47.000 If he tickled his foot, it took probably four seconds for him to know, you know, what was happening.

00:14:53.000 For him to get even a gig a lot of them. 0.96

00:14:54.740 So you could damn, you know, you could almost burn off one of his toes if you, you know, if you were really cruel. 0.97

00:15:02.280 And I wasn't. 0.99

00:15:04.280 You know, I'm grateful to God for that.

00:15:06.060 I didn't have that cruel to him where I'm burning, burning children's tarsals or whatever.

00:15:12.400 But, um, what was I talking about? 0.99

00:15:15.160 Oh, but the daddy sometimes would wheel him out there on a damn dolly, a damn, you know, Home Depot dolly. 0.99

00:15:20.780 And just prop him out so people in the community could see him. 0.99

00:15:23.640 Oh, they still got him.

00:15:24.560 He's alive.

00:15:26.340 You know.

00:15:27.460 And then, uh, that was just part of the whole deal.

00:15:30.940 And then you get the money for him.

00:15:32.340 $350 a month.

00:15:33.280 I think it went up to almost $400.

00:15:35.140 When I was young.

00:15:36.660 Now, I don't, now they give you money for anything.

00:15:39.380 You know what I'm saying?

00:15:40.560 Somebody patted you on the back too hard to give you $70, $80. 0.99

00:15:43.580 You know, somebody, you know, spray painted, uh, you know, uh, pussy on your car or something to give you, you know, government give you, to give you $75, $60, $60. 0.99

00:15:59.040 So, different times. 0.93

00:16:00.940 Uh, but what I'm saying is he gave me this real jersey from the World Series, dude.

00:16:07.860 Not poker either.

00:16:08.900 I'm talking the real one, baby.

00:16:10.080 That big one.

00:16:10.660 Um, and, uh, and that's awesome, man.

00:16:14.800 I mean, it's just so nice of him to be so gifting like that.

00:16:17.260 And, and the Cardinals made a beautiful run this year and they didn't get it done.

00:16:21.280 And, uh, so anyway, I just wanted to show some homage to them and to St. Louis.

00:16:29.680 That was a loud show, that St. Louis show. 0.99

00:16:32.040 Damn. 0.99

00:16:33.080 If you were at that thing, there was people, somebody, people gestating in the back. 0.99

00:16:38.500 Some lady back there, uh, you know, just people loud in the audience. 1.00

00:16:46.200 Some lady having a real, a violent, uh, menstrual cycle, you hear. 1.00

00:16:51.300 I mean, just really, I mean, just damn full moon and right out of her damn vagina. 1.00

00:16:57.200 Just a dark art and people in there, people with, damn. 1.00

00:17:00.800 Um, some dude had a, uh, something stuck in his throat, a kazoo or something for half the show. 0.99

00:17:06.280 You just hear, 0.98

00:17:07.000 Damn, what is even going on in here? 0.98

00:17:13.220 But, but still, Grateful People came out. 0.99

00:17:17.040 There's been a lot of good shows recently.

00:17:18.540 I haven't seen you guys in a while, uh, on a solo episode.

00:17:22.260 Um, and so I wanted to come this week and make sure we got one in.

00:17:27.520 Uh, you know, what's been happening?

00:17:31.200 We went to Wilkes Byer and Dam's.

00:17:34.440 Oh, I get into town.

00:17:35.420 Some guy give me a, uh, railroad tie, piece of iron.

00:17:42.320 I'm eating out, I'm outside having me a little sandwich out there.

00:17:44.720 About a thoroughfare out there.

00:17:48.740 And this, actually, this was in, uh, Delaware.

00:17:52.760 In Delaware, dude, if you want to, uh, if you want to see people fist fighting, um, and nobody wins.

00:18:05.280 Then you got to go to Wilmington, Delaware's, baby.

00:18:09.720 Uh, Delaware, Delaware.

00:18:13.260 I don't know what that's Spanish for.

00:18:15.240 Wear.

00:18:15.720 I'm going to look that up.

00:18:17.180 What does wear mean in English?

00:18:22.640 Wadding.

00:18:23.600 Pottery.

00:18:24.780 De la pottery.

00:18:25.620 So, the day of pottery.

00:18:28.160 Uh, the day of pottery, I guess it means. 1.00

00:18:31.400 Well, damn, whoever. 1.00

00:18:33.680 There was a lot of bulls in the china shop because there was a lot of broken shit around there. 1.00

00:18:37.280 But, um, good area, though. 0.99

00:18:40.100 Uh, it was a good, good, good area.

00:18:43.720 Good people.

00:18:44.720 Good people that came out.

00:18:46.900 Um, a lot of diversity came out. 0.99

00:18:49.620 Everybody's damn, you know, uh, damn Judeo, uh, African, Italian, Italian, Italian, German. 0.99

00:18:58.320 They got a, you know, Italian, Germanese. 1.00

00:19:01.540 Everybody's African, Italian, Germanese out there. 0.98

00:19:03.680 It's all damn, you know, everybody has a twin that's been killed. 0.97

00:19:08.320 It's just a, there's a lot of, uh, you're not surprised to have a weapon. 0.99

00:19:12.660 And some man gave me a weapon.

00:19:14.700 He came up, I'm having me a little burger right there on a thoroughfare.

00:19:19.600 And a thoroughfare, everybody in the place that the burger place was in a, uh, I think it was a halfway house. 0.94

00:19:24.460 They said it closed at 8 p.m. because people had to sign in or whatever.

00:19:27.340 So, gratefully, they were making food.

00:19:31.020 Um, but I was happy to be there.

00:19:32.960 Man, we had a good time.

00:19:34.800 Up in that piece.

00:19:36.900 Uh, but a man gave me a tie, one of them railroad ties real fast.

00:19:41.320 Here you go.

00:19:41.800 You're going to need this.

00:19:43.720 Sharpened up, too.

00:19:44.760 Fellow named Buck, I think his name was.

00:19:46.640 Or, he could have had a lisp.

00:19:48.360 His name could have honestly been F-U-C-K, bro. 1.00

00:19:51.960 Fuck, you know? 1.00

00:19:53.320 Ugh! 1.00

00:19:55.360 God!

00:19:57.320 Oh! 0.60

00:20:00.000 So, I don't remember what it was, but that was crazy.

00:20:03.120 Wilkes-Beyer was one of the best shows I feel like I've ever had in my life.

00:20:07.180 Man, that was fun.

00:20:09.100 I didn't know where we were.

00:20:10.280 We got there to a reservation. 0.99

00:20:11.620 The only place to stay in town is a damn Holiday Inn or whatever. 0.99

00:20:15.640 And it says, when they get there, there's signs everywhere that say, 0.99

00:20:18.740 people will steal from you here. 1.00

00:20:20.720 Like, damn. 1.00

00:20:21.300 You know your company's having a tough time if they're putting that shit up. 1.00

00:20:26.440 But, and it was Holiday Inn Select. 0.99

00:20:29.940 And I don't know what they selected, man.

00:20:31.540 They must have, it must have been a draft at a local prison, bro, 0.99

00:20:36.040 because everybody in that bitch was, I felt like an inmate. 1.00

00:20:40.300 You know? 0.99

00:20:40.640 You could hear the guy behind the counter every time he walked over to the printer

00:20:43.680 to print out the thing or whatever.

00:20:45.060 You could hear his shackles on it.

00:20:46.360 I'm like, Jesus.

00:20:48.480 I'm not even going to sleep here.

00:20:49.760 I'd rather, I'm going to stay in the car and sharpen this railroad tie.

00:20:53.640 But that was a joy, man.

00:20:57.980 All the shows, joyous.

00:20:59.600 Where were we this week?

00:21:00.760 Honestly, I do not.

00:21:01.700 Some places I don't even just go so fast.

00:21:03.760 You know, you go and, oh, Minneapolis.

00:21:08.640 And we interviewed Jesse Ventura.

00:21:10.160 That'll come out this coming next week.

00:21:12.560 Jesus Christ.

00:21:13.360 I hope no one ever has to.

00:21:14.200 I respect this time.

00:21:16.420 I hope no one ever has to honestly speak to that man.

00:21:23.260 That's what I hope.

00:21:26.300 What else?

00:21:27.340 Oh, Dave Chappelle's special came on.

00:21:34.680 And I watched it.

00:21:37.860 And obviously, you know, he's a legend.

00:21:42.580 He's made his way up being legendary.

00:21:44.580 And I thought there was definitely a lot of funny parts.

00:21:50.480 He's a funny guy.

00:21:51.360 Obviously, he's created his own way of doing comedy.

00:21:54.380 It's his own ambiance.

00:21:56.940 It's his own thing.

00:22:00.560 The parts for me that were a little rocky were, you know, kind of referred to himself as the goat.

00:22:07.480 I thought some of the, I've noticed his ego has kind of been real sprouting over the years.

00:22:12.480 You know, even just the way he comes, coming to the comedy club and, but I don't know if it's possible for it not to.

00:22:25.200 You know, we live in a world where there's so much reflection of yourself that I think it's hard to hide from your ego.

00:22:36.060 Because now with social media and everything, your ego has weapons.

00:22:39.480 Your ego has, there's so many ways for your ego to communicate back with you and tell you you're good or you're this or you're popular or you're seen or you're whatever, you know. 0.99

00:22:52.180 Back in the day, your ego, I mean, it definitely had internal weapons making you think you're great or making you, you know, behave certain types of ways or if you start chiefing on your own shit. 0.99

00:23:06.400 That's what my uncle used to say, bro. 0.99

00:23:10.920 And he actually died, dude.

00:23:12.340 He got, I didn't even tell you guys this, my mom's original brother got killed.

00:23:16.300 He was alcoholic, got hit by a, um, or not hit by, he got killed by a train, motocross train or whatever, track train. 0.87

00:23:28.980 You know, not three people fucking, you know, ran into him or whatever, um, but, what was I even talking about? 0.86

00:23:40.800 But anyway, yeah, I thought it definitely, some of that part where you were referring to yourself as a goat, that's a weird moment. 0.91

00:23:45.200 Uh, to watch as a human, um, but I, I, I don't care what he's, I mean, I feel like he got kind of stuck on this transgender discussion thing over the years, which I don't really understand.

00:24:02.960 But I feel like also once you've gotten so many things out of the world, you have all the cash and prizes.

00:24:08.500 What else is there to even, you know, a lot of rich people will end up being, uh, gay or money gays, they call them. 0.69

00:24:22.120 And it's like the Roman empire at the end, they're upstairs, you know what I'm saying? 0.99

00:24:28.280 They're upstairs, they're upstairs eating fricking newborn cabbages and making love to damn straight and gay children and men and women. 1.00

00:24:39.400 Because they'd done everything, they'd exhausted all the options of, of their desires, their desire, because desire is that little leapfrog. 0.99

00:24:50.180 You give, you start off, you give them a little butterscotch, baby. 0.99

00:24:53.840 And next thing you know, he's hopping, you know, he'll hop over to a damn cupcake two days later. 0.99

00:24:59.380 And then he's hopping to a birthday party. 0.99

00:25:02.400 And now he's at a damn, uh, crown plaza. 1.00

00:25:09.260 You know, he's at a damn barbecue at a crown plaza. 0.99

00:25:13.020 For, you know, an urban kind of family reunion or whatever, and two people get shot. 0.99

00:25:18.520 Um, but, but then he'll jump, you know, next thing you know, he's at the jewelry store.

00:25:25.700 He's at a Tyler, the creator concert.

00:25:27.820 And, you know, he'll just keep, you know, it just keeps escalating, whatever it is.

00:25:34.480 That desire.

00:25:35.980 Desire will keep escalating.

00:25:37.280 So once you've done everything the Romans were doing, I mean, it got real dicey what they were doing. 0.97

00:25:44.200 You know, uh, and I just think that's what happens to someone as you get to a certain, it just, there's nothing left to do.

00:25:51.080 Um, so you're sitting around, you're chatting about trans and people that are trans and what's going on.

00:25:58.000 Um, I did like that Netflix supported him and let him say what he wants to say.

00:26:02.540 He should be, people should be able to. 1.00

00:26:04.960 That all that shit is ridiculous. 1.00

00:26:06.620 And nobody even really cares. 1.00

00:26:08.320 The only people that care are honestly, I think a bunch of people that just, I don't know.

00:26:18.380 People that are trying to stifle ever all the communication.

00:26:23.440 Some people, the only thing they have to go for or going for them, I think is their sexuality or their, whatever their little difference is.

00:26:33.380 And those sometimes are the people that make their difference a bigger deal.

00:26:43.760 People yelling, look, I'm different.

00:26:45.860 Don't treat me different.

00:26:51.360 That's the, you know, and it also could be a part of the times we're going through, but I'm glad he got to say what he wanted to say, man.

00:26:58.240 I definitely laughed out loud a few times.

00:27:00.740 Um, he's one of a kind and, uh, and those are my thoughts on, uh, some of my thoughts on the Dave Chappelle special.

00:27:07.820 I don't get to have a, you know, it's hard for me to have a lot of thoughts at once, but I just tried.

00:27:13.680 So, um, what else?

00:27:19.220 Oh, I'm trying to think of anything else that's been going on.

00:27:24.680 We've got some great calls that came in.

00:27:26.520 Um, you know, I want to let you know that, uh, that, um, Blue Chew, you know, I take them.

00:27:36.840 I took one the other night.

00:27:38.220 Oh, I got to tell you this.

00:27:41.040 Let me do the ad first and I'll tell you.

00:27:44.920 So Blue Chew, you know what it is.

00:27:47.520 Your body ain't working.

00:27:48.760 You can't get that rudder, baby. 0.79

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00:27:52.060 You can't get, you know what I'm saying?

00:27:53.440 You can't get that.

00:27:54.540 You can't put a ripple in the water because you rudders down.

00:27:58.700 Oh, God.

00:28:00.520 Oh, God.

00:28:02.320 Rudder down.

00:28:04.540 I'm downstairs.

00:28:07.940 Blue Chew.

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00:28:10.080 They deliver the same active ingredients as Viagra, Cialis, and they are hitters, dog.

00:28:16.020 And I'm that cheapy boy.

00:28:19.220 I'm that cheapy boy, dude.

00:28:20.700 I'll get me a Blue Chew.

00:28:21.640 I'll nibble off a corner.

00:28:23.400 I'm on a date.

00:28:24.140 It's going good.

00:28:25.120 I'll nibble off a third.

00:28:26.740 It's going bad.

00:28:27.620 I'll just have a quarter.

00:28:29.500 Just to, you know, because I want to feel that pump later, even if I'm by myself.

00:28:35.080 It's going.

00:28:36.420 I'll never eat a whole one.

00:28:37.580 Gee, birds.

00:28:38.480 What?

00:28:40.500 Oh, my God. 0.99

00:28:41.620 You see a couple of gay dudes in the park spinning me like a top, bro. 1.00

00:28:46.680 Spinning me on that freaking nutted tip. 1.00

00:28:50.800 You feel me? 0.99

00:28:51.320 That wiener.

00:28:53.540 Blue Chew.

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00:29:15.320 And we thank Blue Chew for sponsoring this podcast.

00:29:18.400 They work.

00:29:19.120 And they're damn tasty.

00:29:20.160 That's a problem.

00:29:21.500 You'll have a third of one. 0.99

00:29:22.580 You'll be like, damn, this thing tastes good. 0.98

00:29:23.960 Next thing you know, you had two thirds. 0.99

00:29:26.800 You know what I'm saying? 1.00

00:29:27.580 And next thing you know, you're crushing it up and you're rubbing it on your damn gums, bro. 1.00

00:29:31.180 That's dicey. 0.99

00:29:31.800 So, praise God.

00:29:34.320 I've got to let you know about this.

00:29:35.940 You know, we've been looking for artwork recently for some I'm Upstairs merch.

00:29:40.420 And if you have some neat ideas, you can email those in and we'll put the link for the TPW producer.

00:29:46.560 But one way to find help online if you need dynamic help, it's called Fiverr.

00:29:54.620 Yep.

00:29:56.060 Fiverr.

00:29:56.840 And we got some designs off of there.

00:29:59.100 We didn't.

00:29:59.920 They weren't favorites, the ones that we got.

00:30:01.900 That's why I'm mentioning it to you guys.

00:30:03.600 But you can get them there.

00:30:05.440 You can get everything there.

00:30:06.360 Fiverr is a global network of on-demand freelance talent.

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00:30:42.140 Oh, my ma.

00:30:43.520 Oh, these beans are good.

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00:30:48.620 That's it.

00:30:49.500 Fiverr.

00:30:50.020 F-I-V-E-R-R dot com. 1.00

00:30:52.380 Code Theo.

00:30:53.960 Yep.

00:30:54.300 Find a freelancer with the specific skills you need.

00:30:56.460 Quit asking your, but hey, do you know somebody? 1.00

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00:30:59.200 Check out F-I-V-E-R-R dot com and receive 10% off your first order by using code T-H-E-O. 0.99

00:31:07.760 All the digital services in one place.

00:31:09.840 F-I-V-E-R-R dot com. 1.00

00:31:12.020 Code Theo.

00:31:13.660 It's a great service.

00:31:15.920 Really is.

00:31:16.560 Great stock if you bought it a few years ago.

00:31:18.480 Really boomed out.

00:31:20.180 You could have bought yourself something.

00:31:21.400 Bought you a little something.

00:31:25.060 What else, man?

00:31:26.860 After the show, sometimes I've been able to pop out and do some meet and greets and surprise some folks.

00:31:31.400 We're not surprised, but just say hey to you guys.

00:31:33.220 Sometimes, some nights it's harder than others.

00:31:37.440 Some venues don't allow it.

00:31:43.480 You know, Minneapolis was tough because they made, it was the first venue I've been to where they made them wear masks.

00:31:50.900 And I didn't know it until halfway through the first show.

00:31:55.440 I'm like, what's going on?

00:31:56.820 I'm not, I just, I'm not good at this anymore.

00:31:59.900 You know, or maybe everybody's, maybe everybody ate something real hot in the lobby and their mouth is burning or everybody ate a Dorito and cut the top of their mouth.

00:32:12.860 Because I couldn't hear any laughter.

00:32:15.660 And then halfway through, I'm like, oh my gosh, everybody has to have masks in here. 0.91

00:32:22.460 And that is honestly ridiculous.

00:32:25.560 And thank you for the people that came and put up with it. 0.95

00:32:31.600 It's not my choice.

00:32:33.200 When we sold the tickets, none of those things were my choice.

00:32:37.340 But it's tough because what do you do?

00:32:38.720 You cancel the show.

00:32:39.660 Some of these people are just putting these things into place.

00:32:42.620 I think it's absolutely insane.

00:32:45.240 You know, I live in a place most of the time in the Central East here where people are unmasked and everybody is doing fine and well.

00:32:55.560 And there's no logical, you can't explain to me how you, one, play, it just, so.

00:33:03.960 And I'm not here to debate it with nobody.

00:33:06.240 I know that COVID is dangerous.

00:33:10.700 I believe that. 0.99

00:33:12.520 But I don't know that people should have masks inside of a damn venue. 0.99

00:33:18.200 That's unbelievable. 0.99

00:33:19.140 And that's sad.

00:33:23.180 And I hope to not put any more venues on the schedule where that's what's going on.

00:33:27.360 So that is one thing that I'm going to try my best to do.

00:33:30.760 But thank you guys who came and bared with it.

00:33:33.900 And some people, they say, well, you can't be doing the thing.

00:33:37.500 You're at the, well, I'm sorry.

00:33:40.140 It's the best I can do right now.

00:33:41.520 Now, some places, all the venues are owned by the same company.

00:33:46.860 It's like a YouTube, but it's like a property management, you know. 0.88

00:33:51.020 So you're just kind of screwed.

00:33:52.560 You're just, it's really tough, man, to feel very free. 0.99

00:33:58.280 But know that when you feel that way, I feel that way too.

00:34:00.920 And so I'm hoping that things change.

00:34:05.720 Usually, when something needs to change, something does.

00:34:12.420 So, what else?

00:34:16.360 I think that's all I got right now.

00:34:18.120 I just wanted to keep you guys informed, keep you guys tuned in.

00:34:21.580 We got some great voicemails that came in.

00:34:24.540 As always, the hotline is 985-664-9503.

00:34:30.920 Yeah, you know, I've been struggling.

00:34:36.420 I've still been struggling a lot with anger.

00:34:38.360 I've been trying to go to more AA meetings and do more meditation.

00:34:43.660 Today's the best I've felt in a while.

00:34:48.620 Battling that.

00:34:53.520 And I don't know if I find I get angry at any one specific thing, really.

00:34:59.100 I just, I just get angered, man.

00:35:04.860 It's like the dynamite is in my, it's right under my skin, bro.

00:35:10.920 And it wants me to be, it's like something wants me to be angry.

00:35:14.220 And I can notice it's bad when I wake up and a couple of, one of the, the first few things I think are is that I'm angry.

00:35:25.520 Or I get angry about certain things.

00:35:30.300 So, yeah, I guess I just want to say that out loud so I'm not just letting it be inside of me.

00:35:39.180 Sometimes if I let things just stay inside of me and I don't say them out loud, then it's like they win.

00:35:44.940 You know, and I wish, you know, I've even been asking my anger, why are you here?

00:35:48.560 What do you want?

00:35:49.260 Because sometimes it does feel like a, it's like a ghost of something that happened.

00:35:56.320 Or a ghost of some.

00:36:03.820 Desires.

00:36:04.320 I don't know what it's, it just feels like a thing that's just like, it's almost feel like it's haunting me.

00:36:09.800 And that sounds crazy, not in the sense like, you know, like there's a damn, uh, exorcism or something sneaking in my ear at night. 0.89

00:36:22.740 And busting big nuts. 0.94

00:36:25.420 But just like, uh, I don't know.

00:36:30.680 Sometimes I feel like there's an infection in me.

00:36:33.640 And it's anger.

00:36:36.180 Uh, but anyway, we got some beautiful calls that came in, man.

00:36:40.720 Enough about me.

00:36:41.480 Sometimes I feel like, man, this podcast is about me so much.

00:36:44.060 It's just too much.

00:36:45.060 So, I want to hear from you guys.

00:36:47.300 Thank you for hitting the hotline.

00:36:48.340 985-664-9503.

00:36:53.440 Um, all right.

00:36:55.840 Here we go.

00:36:57.980 Hi, Theo.

00:36:59.140 This is Katie.

00:37:01.040 I am a mechanical engineer in South Carolina.

00:37:05.220 I'm coming to both of your Charleston shows.

00:37:07.500 I'm very excited.

00:37:09.280 So, I will-

00:37:09.600 Katie! 0.99

00:37:11.120 And that mechanical, you know, you're that little mechanical bad girl. 1.00

00:37:15.060 Huh?

00:37:16.400 That Lego lady, huh? 1.00

00:37:19.020 You out there just using, you know, you out there using that little monkey wrench.

00:37:23.620 Banana and around, probably.

00:37:25.400 On some of these men, I'm sure.

00:37:29.480 Thank you for calling, baby.

00:37:30.640 Onward.

00:37:30.880 I'm calling to tell you about a recent experience I had.

00:37:33.840 My dad, you know, really wanted me to date.

00:37:36.800 Really wanted me to have grandkids.

00:37:38.300 Blah, blah, blah.

00:37:39.620 So, he says, hey, Katie.

00:37:40.840 You know, I got the perfect guy for you.

00:37:42.140 I got this guy.

00:37:42.960 He's a great guy.

00:37:43.580 He's a Christian man.

00:37:45.520 You know, he's real nice.

00:37:46.620 Oh, yeah.

00:37:47.820 And a child is like a little fireplace for your family.

00:37:51.760 Your family will hate each other. 1.00

00:37:53.100 Your family will be shooting damn arrows at each other. 1.00

00:37:55.420 And doing heroin. 1.00

00:37:57.220 And somebody have a baby.

00:37:58.600 And good God.

00:38:01.660 People will stop doing heroin, at least in the daytime.

00:38:04.380 To be around that kid together.

00:38:05.840 And that's, that's God.

00:38:11.020 Homeward.

00:38:12.220 Yep.

00:38:12.540 Guy's a great guy.

00:38:13.620 He's a Christian man.

00:38:15.560 You know, he's real nice.

00:38:16.660 He works with me.

00:38:17.600 I said, okay, Dad.

00:38:19.380 I'll give him a try.

00:38:20.460 So, we're texting.

00:38:21.480 You know, it's fine.

00:38:22.240 He asked me on a date.

00:38:23.140 I was like, okay, cool.

00:38:24.540 Gonna meet for lunch.

00:38:25.380 Meet for lunch.

00:38:27.960 Old boy brings his cousin.

00:38:29.260 So, it was me and two men.

00:38:33.720 Oh, woo.

00:38:35.700 Woo, woo, boy.

00:38:39.040 Oh.

00:38:40.840 Dang.

00:38:41.900 That little sidekick, huh?

00:38:43.320 He brought that side item.

00:38:46.040 He brought that little.

00:38:46.900 I guess if you didn't like him, they want, they're ready to, you know, this family's ready to bust over all.

00:38:51.460 Somebody about to catch a gonad full.

00:38:54.100 Somebody about to get natted out and get that procreation going on. 1.00

00:38:59.920 Them biblical dogs, they don't care. 1.00

00:39:02.240 You know what I'm saying?

00:39:02.760 If Freddy ain't your fit, then we got little Frankie right here on the sidestep. 1.00

00:39:09.060 We got, you know what I'm saying?

00:39:10.460 If you don't like Ernie as that entree, then we got little, that little side item Sammy right here.

00:39:17.620 He'll get in there and he'll nut around until somebody has something to give birth to. 1.00

00:39:24.100 Let's hear more.

00:39:25.560 So, just pay for.

00:39:28.540 But one of the strangest dates I've had.

00:39:32.760 But I think from this experiment, I've learned I could have two boyfriends.

00:39:38.980 I think I would be okay with two men.

00:39:42.280 They even could be related.

00:39:43.760 I don't think I would mind that.

00:39:46.080 But just two boyfriends I think would be good.

00:39:48.500 Double.

00:39:51.060 Double the fun, really.

00:39:52.620 What do you think about it?

00:39:54.820 Let me know.

00:39:56.380 Have a good one.

00:39:58.000 See you two weekends.

00:40:00.060 Bye-bye.

00:40:00.560 Oh, wow.

00:40:02.920 I took a turn.

00:40:03.960 Oh.

00:40:06.240 Look, these days, we're in corvid times.

00:40:11.240 We're in the last chapter of the Bible, I feel like.

00:40:13.840 And I don't know what it is, Ephesians or whatever.

00:40:17.460 You know, I don't even know.

00:40:18.600 You know, I'm not even sure what's back there. 0.99

00:40:20.820 I think it's just a damn tab. 0.94

00:40:22.100 It's like an inventory of how many men and how many sheep were in the whole book. 0.98

00:40:29.660 But this is the end.

00:40:32.920 You know, people aren't even clocking in for work anymore.

00:40:35.200 The only people even working are Mexican.

00:40:39.220 I mean, you know, we're at the end.

00:40:42.140 I was just in Minneapolis.

00:40:43.120 There's nobody even in the city anymore.

00:40:46.000 Everything's deserted.

00:40:46.920 There's murals everywhere.

00:40:49.520 You achieved it.

00:40:50.400 You achieved maximum diversity.

00:40:52.280 There's nobody there.

00:40:53.960 They should call it Minneapolis.

00:40:59.260 Because there ain't anybody in that batch.

00:41:04.700 So, this is the end of time, baby.

00:41:07.780 If you want to get that double up, get that family. 1.00

00:41:11.280 Make a game show out of your vagina, I would. 1.00

00:41:14.360 You know what I'm saying? 1.00

00:41:16.980 Let each of them boys take that chance at that procreation.

00:41:21.620 Maybe do a little, you know.

00:41:24.820 And at least you're going to achieve your grandfather's goals or whatever by giving him that little papoose.

00:41:32.880 And look, a lot of us, we just want somebody to love.

00:41:35.300 It doesn't matter what form it comes in or how it comes.

00:41:40.380 You know, I think if you can be honest with your partner about it.

00:41:46.140 But there's certainly a new age of people that's more about polyamory and polyygamous.

00:41:52.300 And they'll let you do whatever.

00:41:55.540 If you want to have a little bit of Oreo over here.

00:41:58.640 If you want to have a little Choco Taco.

00:42:00.800 But you want to also, you know, get a little bit of these butternutters over there.

00:42:06.040 You could do it all.

00:42:07.720 You know what I'm saying? 1.00

00:42:08.220 You could hide an M&M in your ass if you want. 1.00

00:42:11.180 And the whole time be skittling under your tongue. 1.00

00:42:13.520 People doing it all.

00:42:16.660 And it's, I think as long as everybody, there's not as much jealousy maybe.

00:42:22.780 I grew up in the real jealousy era.

00:42:24.800 Or you saw somebody talking.

00:42:27.420 You're talking to them.

00:42:28.320 I said, oh man.

00:42:29.260 Nuh-uh.

00:42:30.440 No.

00:42:31.280 No.

00:42:32.480 No, Rhonda. 0.90

00:42:34.820 No.

00:42:36.300 No.

00:42:38.760 But that's changing hours too, you know.

00:42:42.080 If somebody will feed Rhonda for the night, you're welcome to take her off of my hands, baby. 0.61

00:42:46.860 How are we doing upstairs?

00:42:48.100 That's that upstairs cam.

00:42:49.200 So it's a lot of, there's definitely more sharing is caring.

00:42:55.720 That's really come a long way.

00:42:58.720 You know, a friend of mine said her daughter is getting taken care of half the time by her grandmother.

00:43:06.080 And at first I thought, man, it's a little, it might be messed up.

00:43:08.660 But then I thought, well, that's how it probably used to be.

00:43:13.220 People living how the whole family's in there.

00:43:16.160 You go to Korea, you flush the toilet. 1.00

00:43:18.240 You'll drown one of your damn cousins or whatever. 1.00

00:43:20.520 Everybody's in the damn, everybody's in the house. 1.00

00:43:24.340 You open up a top of a shipper robe and you, you know, your great uncle's in there. 0.99

00:43:30.840 You know, and he's almost deceased, but he's also covered in socks.

00:43:36.280 So he's warm.

00:43:38.020 But it's like the whole family sticks together and it's more of a tribal thing.

00:43:41.800 So I like it.

00:43:44.300 And also shout out to the date for bringing Cuzzle along, huh?

00:43:50.860 Talk about being a wing man.

00:43:55.200 Talk it, that's like a Buffalo wild wing man.

00:43:59.300 And watch them steal that and make that, if that isn't, they might already have that as a wing man. 0.95

00:44:03.860 I bet they do.

00:44:04.560 That's an advertiser piece.

00:44:08.380 But, but yeah, you look, stay alert, stay alarmed. 0.97

00:44:14.040 Somebody gave me a damn shiv the other night before my own show when I was having a little sandwich at a halfway house. 0.93

00:44:19.300 So if you don't think we on the last notch of the belt, if you don't think this buckle's about to bust, then you don't know nothing about a 35-inch waist, homie gang, gang. 0.98

00:44:40.300 Thank you for calling, Katie.

00:44:43.580 Yeah, who not look?

00:44:45.200 Two men, yeah.

00:44:47.220 But y'all gonna, I wonder if y'all split that check three ways.

00:44:50.240 That's what I wonder.

00:44:52.080 If y'all thriced up that check.

00:44:55.540 Yeah.

00:44:56.600 That's interesting.

00:44:57.400 Dude, if I'd have been on a date and some lady brings her freaking cousin, I got twice the chances of a date, of meeting somebody over one dinner. 1.00

00:45:09.820 I'm having one BLT, but I got double the chances of some TIT.

00:45:14.700 There's four TITs at the table. 1.00

00:45:17.680 Woo.

00:45:21.800 I'm hoping milk for dessert.

00:45:23.540 You know it.

00:45:24.600 Let's get another call that came in.

00:45:28.680 Here we go.

00:45:29.580 Oh, this one right here.

00:45:32.200 What's up, Theo?

00:45:33.420 This is John from Maryland.

00:45:36.180 I just got a question for you.

00:45:37.600 I wanted to see what your views on monogamy are.

00:45:42.120 Just with everything going on nowadays, it seems like it's a lot less than it used to be.

00:45:47.620 And I don't know if I feel like it's going to be a part of my generation.

00:45:53.000 I just wanted to get your thoughts on that.

00:45:55.860 Love you, man.

00:45:56.560 Thanks for everything.

00:45:57.580 Looking forward to seeing you in Charlotte.

00:45:59.240 Gang, gang.

00:45:59.780 Buzz, buzz.

00:46:01.820 Gang, brother.

00:46:02.500 Wow.

00:46:02.960 And I was in Charlotte.

00:46:04.780 And so I'm sure we saw each other there.

00:46:06.660 And that was cool, man.

00:46:09.480 So thank you for coming.

00:46:10.740 I hope it was a good show.

00:46:11.800 Some nights I've felt like they're good and some nights I've felt like they're not.

00:46:18.400 Honestly.

00:46:19.020 That's just me.

00:46:20.760 They're all I know.

00:46:21.620 It's like I give it my all every time.

00:46:23.660 But some nights they're, you know me.

00:46:27.540 I mean, jeepers.

00:46:28.440 I just, if I enjoyed things, we wouldn't even have this show. 0.99

00:46:33.480 So, but I did just crack open to a damn Werther's, boy. 1.00

00:46:38.980 Mmm. 0.99

00:46:43.160 Mmm.

00:46:44.500 They are good, huh?

00:46:47.600 Mmm.

00:46:50.060 You have enough Werther's, man.

00:46:51.240 You'll start dating a sister, I think.

00:46:54.160 Mmm.

00:46:54.620 They are good.

00:46:55.200 I'm going to set it down because I know it.

00:46:57.480 The sound of it isn't ideal for some of you.

00:46:59.440 Um, you know, I think it's interesting that monogamy is becoming less of a thing.

00:47:05.480 I believe it.

00:47:08.860 Because I think you're, you're, you're getting marriages, they're not where, because people

00:47:13.420 want to have some freedom.

00:47:14.540 They want to be able to sneak around a pine tree and blow somebody out or touch somebody's 1.00

00:47:20.240 asshole or whatever, you know, these kids are doing. 0.99

00:47:23.620 I don't know. 1.00

00:47:25.220 I'm not around children when they're sexual.

00:47:27.340 Um, but yeah, people want to just be able to explore.

00:47:36.320 People want to be able to explore.

00:47:37.920 And before there was shows about like they had cheaters, you know, when they got that

00:47:42.960 Jewish Italian dude or whatever and they stabbed him on the boat because big Adrian is, uh, you

00:47:48.820 know, he's out there, you know, just boarding down some thick guy's wife or something at 0.67

00:47:54.900 a wedding or whatever. 1.00

00:47:55.660 You saw the shit. 1.00

00:47:57.340 Uh, but, but yeah, and they used to have, they had the Don, you know, uh, Phil Donahue's 1.00

00:48:06.700 or whatever, Ricky Lake.

00:48:08.340 They had all these Wendy Williams or the, um, what's the guy's name?

00:48:15.160 Oh, not Chucky.

00:48:17.320 He's so I, he's like, oh, you could be the daddy, that guy, whatever.

00:48:24.060 Who's the dad?

00:48:25.580 Who is?

00:48:26.540 And they bring up in the envelope and it's like the, it's, I think it used to be an advertisement

00:48:32.320 for them UPS or whatever, but they're like stamps.com, you know, uh, Sinclair, you are

00:48:41.120 the father.

00:48:41.880 And then the, the package or whatever is from stamps.com, but, uh, anyway, so I don't know

00:48:48.440 what I'm talking about.

00:48:49.480 Um, man.

00:48:51.960 Uh, oh, so that was, the cheating was a big thing.

00:49:00.800 It's like, oh, you cheated.

00:49:01.700 You cheated.

00:49:02.360 You're mine.

00:49:02.940 You're mine.

00:49:03.500 This is our thing.

00:49:04.280 This is, and everything is get, it's getting more swirly.

00:49:10.240 Hey, we are beige bound.

00:49:14.040 I say that a lot on here.

00:49:15.420 Everything going to end up beige.

00:49:19.140 We're getting to the end.

00:49:21.160 You're seeing, I think the downside of, uh, the comforts of a capitalist of maybe capitalist

00:49:31.960 America.

00:49:32.320 I don't know that.

00:49:33.220 I don't know enough knowledge to know that.

00:49:37.560 But we could be coming to the end of, you know, every period of history has a time.

00:49:48.540 Mesoloic, uh, Game of Thrones, Dragons, uh, Columbus, NASA.

00:50:04.920 And what are we in now, dude?

00:50:07.560 Um, I don't even know, really freelance.

00:50:12.600 So you're seeing, you know, everything kind of goes through its time.

00:50:16.700 And I think, and this could be what, you know, I don't know.

00:50:21.620 Do you guys think we're at the end of times as far as like what American society has been

00:50:26.540 like, do you think, or do you think we're just going through a little transition period

00:50:31.180 and it's going to come out bigger and brighter?

00:50:34.340 Um, what do you think on that?

00:50:37.280 I'm curious.

00:50:38.000 I wonder sometimes is, you know, are we stuck in this, in this swipe society where we're just,

00:50:48.120 we're literally just swiping for things that we want.

00:50:55.080 Whether they're human or not, human, food, uh, Instacart, Instahart.

00:51:03.300 We're looking, all of it is, is, we have access to it all.

00:51:14.000 And so does it all lose its meaning when it's right there?

00:51:18.840 If you wake up with food in your mouth, man, then the part of you that wants to eat, it'll

00:51:31.700 die, I think.

00:51:34.620 Not the part of you that swallows the food, but the part of you that wants to eat.

00:51:40.260 But more so, the part of you that wants to hunt.

00:51:44.100 That's the scary thing.

00:51:45.300 That's what I scared.

00:51:48.420 I'm going to have one more lick on this candy.

00:51:51.760 Mmm, they are good.

00:51:55.640 Glad I found that in my truck earlier.

00:51:57.940 Um, so those are some of my thoughts on it, man.

00:52:01.480 And I'd love to know what some of you guys think.

00:52:03.300 What are some of your thoughts on those types of things?

00:52:05.280 985-664-9503.

00:52:08.640 Another call came in.

00:52:09.920 Oh, we got a beautiful single mom that we're going to hit up at the end of today's show. 1.00

00:52:12.740 Um, you know, my mom texted me yesterday and just told me she was real proud of me and

00:52:18.180 that made me feel good.

00:52:20.340 Uh, I'm also going to tell you what's going to help you keep your hair.

00:52:25.240 That's keeps.

00:52:27.100 You know, so many men get rid of their hair falls out, falls into their tub, their shirt.

00:52:32.200 Dude, I had a buddy, he would collect all his hair in his bathroom and dry it out on the 0.98

00:52:36.040 counter and shit and try to fucking just kind of put it back in his head on Friday night. 0.95

00:52:39.420 Um, my friend Jeremy, dude, and I respected it, but it was, it was also kind of crazy. 0.99

00:52:46.140 So, but also pretty decent guy.

00:52:48.860 He did online gaming for a while and, and then his mom left him actually.

00:52:54.180 He lived with his mother and she, he wouldn't move out.

00:52:55.960 So she moved out.

00:52:57.700 Pretty cool.

00:52:58.360 Miss Martha.

00:52:59.300 Pretty cool.

00:53:00.060 Okay, but keeps, help you keep your hair. 0.95

00:53:04.420 It's a simple stress-free way.

00:53:05.940 Low-cost treatments start at $10 a month.

00:53:08.520 They offer generic versions, discrete packaging, proven results.

00:53:13.000 Prevention is key.

00:53:14.260 Treatments can take four to six months to see results.

00:53:16.720 So act fast.

00:53:18.520 You know, I recently quit taking my hair medicine because I wanted to see if it was causing some,

00:53:23.500 the pain I've been feeling.

00:53:25.260 And, uh, and so I noticed a lot of my hair thinned out, you know, um, so the, these medicines stuff do work.

00:53:32.920 So, uh, just letting you know that they, they, they do work.

00:53:36.520 If you have to take them a lot though, uh, you know, you got to take it.

00:53:40.060 You got to really, you really are a slave to a pill.

00:53:44.600 So if you're ready to take action and prevent hair losses, go to keeps.com slash keeps.com singular slash Theo to get your,

00:53:54.840 to receive your first month of treatment for free.

00:53:56.800 That's K-E-E-P-S dot com slash T-H-E-O to get your first month free keeps.com slash Theo.

00:54:07.200 After years of fine print contracts and getting ripped off by big wireless providers,

00:54:12.020 if we've learned anything, it's that there's always a catch.

00:54:15.680 So when I first heard that Mint Mobile offers premium wireless service starting at just 15 bucks a month, I thought,

00:54:22.040 it all made sense.

00:54:23.080 Plus there isn't one, there isn't a catch.

00:54:25.460 Nope.

00:54:25.780 Not with Mint Mobile for people looking for extra savings.

00:54:28.940 Mint Mobile offers premium wireless for just 15 bucks a month.

00:54:34.120 It's a good deal.

00:54:35.620 Yep.

00:54:36.180 All plans come with unlimited talk and text and high, high speed data delivered on the nation's largest 5G network.

00:54:43.900 Use your own phone with any Mint Mobile plan and keep your same phone number along with all your existing contacts.

00:54:49.340 That easy.

00:54:49.780 And if you're not 100% satisfied, Mint Mobile has you covered with a 7-day money-back guarantee.

00:54:56.080 That's it.

00:54:56.840 That's a deal.

00:54:57.960 Yeah.

00:54:59.000 To get your new wireless plan for just 15 bucks a month and get the plan shipped to your door for free,

00:55:04.460 go to mintmobile.com slash Theo.

00:55:07.260 That's mintmobile.com slash Theo.

00:55:10.540 Cut your wireless bill to 15 bucks a month.

00:55:13.240 Mintmobile.com slash Theo.

00:55:15.960 What else?

00:55:18.560 Let's get into it here.

00:55:25.560 What's up, Theo?

00:55:27.000 This is Corvin.

00:55:28.620 What's up, Corvin?

00:55:30.760 Obviously named after, I'm guessing, probably a Corvette and a van, maybe?

00:55:37.920 Cool.

00:55:39.120 One of your parents was cool, and one of them drove a van.

00:55:43.860 Onward, brother.

00:55:44.640 I'm a civil engineer in the great state of Mississippi.

00:55:50.040 Oh, dang, bro.

00:55:53.220 Engineer.

00:55:53.760 Y'all been engineering civility over there, huh?

00:55:56.820 I haven't been there in a while.

00:55:58.160 I got to get back.

00:56:00.800 But thank you.

00:56:03.020 I can't imagine engineering civility.

00:56:04.780 That seems absolutely impossible.

00:56:06.340 But it seemed like a vibrant undertaking.

00:56:12.400 So thank you for your service, brother.

00:56:15.080 I know you said the call in about what scares us.

00:56:20.240 I think mine would be getting old.

00:56:22.800 You know, I'm 25 right now, getting married, coming down the pipe.

00:56:29.980 And, you know, my hair's falling out, starting to pull some gray hairs.

00:56:34.260 You know, I don't want to be 40.

00:56:38.340 I don't want to, you know, get old.

00:56:40.040 But I don't want to die at the same time.

00:56:42.340 I just got out of college, man.

00:56:45.340 But, yeah, I don't know.

00:56:47.280 Something about getting old.

00:56:48.400 Just wanted to know your thoughts on it.

00:56:50.140 Love the podcast, brother.

00:56:51.560 Keep it going.

00:56:52.460 Gang, gang.

00:56:52.920 Thanks, Corvin.

00:56:54.420 I appreciate you, man.

00:56:57.220 And, yeah, I appreciate the question.

00:57:01.840 Yeah, getting old has always really scared me.

00:57:05.400 I feel like I'm running out of time to learn whatever lessons that I'm supposed to learn

00:57:11.400 or that the gods want me to learn or that my higher power, you know,

00:57:16.180 that I'm not going to have enough time to learn certain things.

00:57:21.400 Your looks start disappearing.

00:57:24.080 That gets dicey.

00:57:27.860 That gets dicey, dude.

00:57:30.360 Your nuts get longer.

00:57:32.000 When you've got to reach for your nuts.

00:57:33.300 When you reach for your nuts and you have to reach a little bit in a different place than you used to reach.

00:57:40.120 That's a lot.

00:57:43.120 For your hair, I would say, dude, don't pull out the gray hairs.

00:57:45.860 Keep them in because you can dye them later.

00:57:49.040 You'll want that.

00:57:49.640 If you pluck them, then those hairs are gone.

00:57:52.360 So then later, if you don't have any hair, you're going to wish you'd never plucked them.

00:57:56.260 Just a note.

00:57:57.520 It's a suggestion.

00:57:58.500 You can do whatever you want. 1.00

00:57:59.560 You can cut your head off if you want. 0.99

00:58:02.020 Yeah, getting old is always scary, man. 0.81

00:58:08.840 My father was so old.

00:58:12.120 You know, my father, obviously, I've mentioned, was 70 when I was born.

00:58:15.640 He was 70 years old.

00:58:16.600 So when I got to know him, he was 75, 77, 70.

00:58:19.680 You know, about 80 by the time I kind of really got a good look at him.

00:58:23.600 And watching him move and watching him be unable to do things.

00:58:31.360 Watching him rest.

00:58:33.980 His eyes were always watering.

00:58:35.520 That's so weird.

00:58:36.040 When old people, water starts coming out of them wherever it can. 1.00

00:58:38.740 You know, they'll have to pee or something.

00:58:42.760 They'll fall asleep and they'll just cry for like 30 minutes while they're sleeping.

00:58:46.600 They'll wake up and won't even have to pee anymore. 0.94

00:58:50.420 And they just, you know, just their tear ducts was just damn doing urine. 1.00

00:58:55.800 You know, just crazy. 0.94

00:58:56.680 Things happen when you're old.

00:58:58.940 You know, they smell like milk.

00:59:00.200 Start smelling like milk.

00:59:01.160 Like baby milk.

00:59:01.840 Yeah, it's alarming, man.

00:59:10.020 I think the thing that gets, the thing that I noticed for me that makes it spookier is not filling my life sometimes with things that make you then feel young.

00:59:20.740 I'll fill it with a lot of like worldly stuff that makes me feel young.

00:59:24.380 You know, I date women at all ages, anywhere from probably, you know, 40 to probably 25. 0.99

00:59:35.060 So, sometimes you date a younger lady, it makes you feel a little bit younger.

00:59:37.820 But, I'll stay young.

00:59:41.020 I'll play hoops with the, you know, younger generations and stuff like that.

00:59:45.540 You know, I'll listen to future. 0.99

00:59:46.920 I'll do different shit. 0.99

00:59:49.300 I'm an island boy. 1.00

00:59:50.920 I'll listen to those freaking little pineapple wiggas right there, dude. 1.00

00:59:55.920 Jeepers. 0.99

00:59:56.460 Come on.

00:59:56.740 What is that?

01:00:03.660 But, yeah, there's something about it that stings, man.

01:00:06.960 It's that, it's that the fact that you don't know.

01:00:10.500 So, you know, the fact that you get, but I, you know, I think getting, I think you want to make sure you get to do the things you can do while you're here.

01:00:27.200 That's what I think is probably a bigger fear.

01:00:29.960 That you get to love someone.

01:00:35.680 That you get to apologize to somebody.

01:00:38.440 That you get to forgive someone.

01:00:42.140 That you get to take responsibility.

01:00:45.200 That you get to maybe see your child.

01:00:49.980 That you get to hug them or hold them.

01:00:51.820 That you get to,

01:00:52.780 That you get to let somebody know how much they mean to you.

01:01:01.540 That you get to have real, real, real human experiences.

01:01:06.740 That those moments where when your mouth wants to say something, you don't say something.

01:01:10.820 That you override those things.

01:01:13.840 That you really push the pedal on this experience of being human.

01:01:19.380 That's, that's one way to defeat some of that aging feeling, I think.

01:01:27.240 I think people used to feel like this was all there was in the existence realm.

01:01:34.700 Now, thanks to, I think just our own imaginations.

01:01:41.360 Thanks to times changing.

01:01:42.740 Less ghosts.

01:01:47.360 I think people are moving on and doing different things after they die.

01:01:50.740 There's, there's other experiences.

01:01:53.200 And so, I think people are more curious about those.

01:01:56.860 Especially if we're living in a society where maybe people aren't always making the most out of all of the freaking, you know, out of all the stuff we got.

01:02:05.860 But, but, and I don't mean to sound that in a, in like a dour way.

01:02:11.040 But, I start noticing for myself, well, I want to feel different.

01:02:14.300 I want to have different feelings.

01:02:15.200 Well, I need to have a different environment.

01:02:16.500 I need to adjust what it is.

01:02:18.480 And that means I need to have a family.

01:02:20.340 I need to love someone.

01:02:21.500 I need to be brave enough to do these things that are going to make me feel alive.

01:02:27.120 And that, I think, counterbalances the aging.

01:02:30.540 Because, yeah, it's a little spooky getting older, man.

01:02:35.820 And fighting to stay young is the, oh, that's the worst.

01:02:39.700 Dude, I went on a date with a gal and I showed, she's, what music we're playing in the car.

01:02:45.940 And I gave her my phone.

01:02:46.960 I said, oh, she's like, you have iMusic?

01:02:50.180 She's like, what are you, like 60?

01:02:51.500 And I was, I just felt so embarrassed.

01:02:53.820 I should have done Spotify.

01:02:54.960 So, just little things like that.

01:03:00.060 You're afraid to talk about movies.

01:03:01.600 Like, oh, have you seen this movie?

01:03:03.540 Have you seen Land Before Time 2?

01:03:06.540 And you just see your date's face just disappear.

01:03:11.580 And it just, like, just things like, like, trying to stay young is very hard.

01:03:18.740 It's also kind of fun, though.

01:03:22.080 Trying to stay young.

01:03:24.960 But we're all chasing that moment of just, when time was, being older wasn't even a thing.

01:03:32.920 There was no older.

01:03:35.540 You were so just, all systems go, man.

01:03:40.920 Everything was just, like, maybe 10 years old.

01:03:44.560 When you thought about being across the room and you were across the room.

01:03:50.680 Where you laugh, your friends would make you laugh just like everything was so free.

01:03:54.620 When you didn't have to worry about it.

01:03:55.760 There was no concerns, no worries.

01:04:02.140 So, to be that way again, no matter what age you are, that is such a search, I think.

01:04:08.180 To be that free.

01:04:12.260 That age doesn't even.

01:04:13.860 You don't even let it count you anymore. 0.98

01:04:20.820 Because you're such a G, dog. 1.00

01:04:25.260 Because you're such a damn Bruce Lee of life. 0.99

01:04:28.720 That when age comes to count you or cake you up one year, you say, hey, fam. 0.99

01:04:33.360 You could do it, but.

01:04:34.460 You know I'm bigger than that.

01:04:40.720 You know I'm doing something that you can't calculate.

01:04:46.340 And living in that kind of joy, I think there's a lot of value in that.

01:04:49.740 But how do you get there?

01:04:50.600 I don't know.

01:04:52.440 But that's one of the true journeys of life.

01:04:54.340 That's why it always pains me when people die young.

01:04:56.900 That they don't get to try and see how things work and get to have the most out of this experience.

01:05:05.000 But I don't know.

01:05:05.780 Thank you for that question, man.

01:05:06.740 It made me think.

01:05:07.700 All right.

01:05:08.080 Let's take one more call here.

01:05:10.260 See you.

01:05:11.740 This is Reed from the great state of Louisiana.

01:05:15.620 Oh, wow.

01:05:16.320 So, really a lot of southern calls from this episode.

01:05:18.680 Let's get some good calls from other places, too, man.

01:05:22.220 Portland, I want to hear from you guys.

01:05:23.800 Australia.

01:05:24.960 What are you guys doing?

01:05:26.120 When y'all are home, call.

01:05:27.960 Hit the hotline.

01:05:28.760 985-664-9503.

01:05:33.460 I'm not sure of that two or three digit code.

01:05:35.820 I think you might have to put in a little bit.

01:05:37.580 And I love y'all's autism show, man.

01:05:39.720 God. 0.99

01:05:41.280 God made me a damn one Australian autism, bro. 1.00

01:05:44.120 People are fucking on that kind. 1.00

01:05:46.180 Let's hear it. 0.99

01:05:47.220 I just listened to your podcast.

01:05:49.020 You were wondering where everybody's from and what they do for a living and what scares them.

01:05:56.120 I'm a crop duster, so I fly 145 miles an hour, about six feet off the ground.

01:06:03.600 It's a great time under power lines and over trees.

01:06:06.720 What scares me?

01:06:09.320 I'm afraid of spiders, but that really doesn't matter.

01:06:15.060 Man, I love what you do.

01:06:16.820 I always get a kick out of all your podcasts and even the podcast you do with that CTE, fella.

01:06:23.440 So, love you, man.

01:06:25.480 Keep doing what you're doing.

01:06:26.420 Thanks, brother.

01:06:28.600 Love you, too, man.

01:06:29.360 Thanks, Reeve, for the call, man.

01:06:33.640 Yeah, dude, you crop duster, huh?

01:06:37.700 Wow.

01:06:39.600 You out there, you that hit man on them bugs, baby. 0.99

01:06:42.260 You a school shooter for bugs. 1.00

01:06:45.540 Damn. 1.00

01:06:45.900 You out there just taking care of those soybeans, corn, cotton, I'm guessing. 0.99

01:06:50.140 I remember when I used to work on a, used to work up there near Deer Park in Vidalia, Louisiana,

01:06:57.800 on some of the corn and soy farms.

01:07:02.540 And sometimes we would get a crop duster to come in and we'd go watch and be pretty cool, you know.

01:07:07.360 Nice change of pace from the day, break up to afternoon or whatever.

01:07:10.580 Yeah, you should be scared of spiders.

01:07:15.000 Look, if you're scared of spiders, man, I don't blame you.

01:07:18.360 Those little things, sneaky as hell, man. 0.99

01:07:20.420 Especially, look, you sometimes see them videos at a funeral that climb out of a damn eyeball or whatever. 1.00

01:07:25.100 They're crazy, bro. 0.98

01:07:25.980 Spiders, they, you know, the real Fred Astaire of the insect kingdom, too, because they could really, 0.99

01:07:33.620 you put a right song on, they'll fucking hit the beat, boy. 0.98

01:07:36.900 Eight legs. 1.00

01:07:38.880 Damn, bro. 1.00

01:07:41.340 You see in a two-step, what about that eight-step, dog? 1.00

01:07:44.960 You know what I'm saying? 0.99

01:07:45.920 They'll damn it, they. 0.98

01:07:47.660 Dude, they definitely, they'll Rick and Morty right out of their own pants, bro. 0.99

01:07:51.260 They can do anything they want, really.

01:07:53.120 So, so I'm glad you're crop dusting. 0.99

01:07:55.140 I'm glad you're killing them. 0.66

01:07:56.120 I'm glad you're killing other bugs that are really doing bad stuff out there. 0.99

01:08:00.020 Because I hate getting an apple, have something, a little worm, a little something, a little hole in it. 0.99

01:08:04.160 A little damn hornet or something, stung it, or just all kind of shit. 1.00

01:08:08.620 Get a little ant up in your damn strawberry or something. 1.00

01:08:12.720 So I'm glad, I'm glad knowing you out there in the airwaves, risking your life going under power lines. 0.99

01:08:17.800 That's, somebody's got to do it, man.

01:08:21.480 I'm glad you're doing it.

01:08:23.060 I'm glad you're here with us while you still are.

01:08:24.680 Dude, anything could happen to you.

01:08:25.720 It's a dangerous job you guys have.

01:08:28.960 You know, really, it's a really, you guys get euthanized all the time by the power line.

01:08:35.700 You know, you guys get really shut down by God a lot.

01:08:38.840 So stay safe out there, man. 0.99

01:08:41.780 And keep killing them insects, baby gang. 1.00

01:08:43.720 And actually, we're having trouble locating the call that came in to nominate the single mom. 0.98

01:08:51.320 So we are going to postpone it.

01:08:54.100 We'll do it next time on the next solo episode.

01:08:57.680 All right.

01:08:58.600 So yeah, we'll get to that next time.

01:09:00.500 And thank you guys for being a part of my life.

01:09:05.360 Hope you guys are being good to yourselves.

01:09:07.480 You deserve it.

01:09:08.340 I'm feeling a little bit exhausted right now, so I'm going to shut it down and take a nap

01:09:13.380 or do something to help alleviate some, you know, I just feel, yeah, I just get overrun

01:09:21.120 by like these stressful feelings.

01:09:23.540 And so sometimes I just have to shut it down.

01:09:25.980 So that's what I'm going to do.

01:09:27.220 On the way out, I'm going to listen to a song that I've really come to love.

01:09:29.980 And this guy just captures, you know, he, I've never had music that really just spoke

01:09:37.780 to me, just spoke, was like saying words that I always wanted to be able to say and, and

01:09:42.500 just couldn't.

01:09:43.340 And, uh, and this man does it, dude.

01:09:45.980 It's a white guy.

01:09:48.000 And, um, and yeah, we're going to go out on this, uh, gang, gang, baby.

01:09:55.300 If you're upstairs, stay there and, uh, and I'll see you there, uh, in the future.

01:10:01.560 And I'll see you guys in Charleston and Asheville, uh, this weekend.

01:10:05.520 And, um, that's it.

01:10:09.020 Uh, thank you very much.

01:10:10.880 If you need the hotline, if you're struggling with something, 985-664-9503.

01:10:16.140 It's always open.

01:10:17.500 And, uh, love you gang.

01:10:21.080 I won't call, so you won't answer.

01:10:39.260 We won't talk the way we used to.

01:10:42.800 In my mind, I'm back at 20.

01:10:49.260 Broken, tired in my apartment.

01:10:58.300 Dying young seems so much fun.

01:11:03.580 When in your mind

01:11:07.020 You're all alone

01:11:10.240 There's something in my head, my heart

01:11:18.000 A part of me that always hurts

01:11:26.420 On my own I tend to fall apart

01:11:31.420 Am I more than you bargained for?

01:11:48.620 Man, that's a hitter, baby.

01:11:50.280 You don't have to say your song

01:11:54.660 If it's too hard for you to love me

01:11:58.780 When I get stuck in this condition

01:12:05.320 You try to help, I try to listen

01:12:11.860 When I dissolve into my darkness

01:12:18.400 I feel hopeless

01:12:19.940 It's not your fault if I can't hold on

01:12:24.940 There's something in my head, my heart

01:12:32.480 A part of me that always hurts

01:12:38.480 On my own I tend to fall apart

01:12:46.020 Am I more than you bargained for?

01:12:53.020 Lover, I wanna be where you are

01:12:59.560 But am I more than you bargained for?

01:13:07.560 No, no, no.

01:13:10.100 Oh...

01:13:11.100 Oh...

01:13:12.100 Oh...

01:13:14.100 Oh...

01:13:22.100 Oh, oh! 0.58

01:13:24.500 Oh...

01:13:29.100 Yeah, man, y'all can go get that hitter right there. 1.00

01:13:53.620 Yeah, that's Evan Bartels' Lonesome is that song.

01:14:00.240 Yeah, if that song hits you some type of way, let me know about it, man. 0.98

01:14:04.240 Good damn thing. 0.99

01:14:06.620 That's the Muhammad Ali of my damn feelings, bro. 1.00

01:14:10.800 Praise God, man. 0.99

01:14:12.140 I'll see you guys in the future, baby.

01:14:15.000 Gang. 0.66

01:14:16.060 Ladies and gentlemen, I'm Jonathan Kite, and welcome to Kite Club,

01:14:19.560 a podcast where I'll be sharing thoughts on things like current events,

01:14:23.600 stand-up stories, and seven ways to pleasure your partner.

01:14:27.340 The answer may shock you.

01:14:29.060 Sometimes I'll interview my friends.

01:14:31.120 Sometimes I won't.

01:14:32.660 And as always, I'll be joined by the voices in my head.

01:14:35.740 You have three new voice messages.

01:14:38.700 A lot of people are talking about Kite Club.

01:14:41.660 I've been talking about Kite Club for so long, longer than anybody else.

01:14:45.940 So great.

01:14:46.580 Hey, sweetheart, here's a deal. 1.00

01:14:50.320 Anyone who doesn't listen to Kite Club is a dodgy bloody wanker. 0.99

01:14:54.240 Do you know what I mean? 0.99

01:14:55.500 Oh, hi.

01:14:56.400 I'll take a quarter pounder with cheese and a McFlurry.

01:14:59.320 Sorry, sir, but our ice cream machine is broken.

01:15:01.400 Oh, no.

01:15:03.680 I think Tom Hanks just butt-dialed me.

01:15:06.080 Anyway, first rule of Kite Club is,

01:15:08.520 tell everyone about Kite Club.

01:15:10.260 Second rule of Kite Club is,

01:15:12.040 tell everyone about Kite Club.

01:15:14.520 Third rule.

01:15:15.060 Like and subscribe wherever you listen to podcasts.

01:15:18.220 Or watch us on YouTube, yeah?

01:15:20.300 And yes, don't worry.

01:15:21.540 My Brad Pitt impression will get better.

This Past Weekend with Theo Von - October 21, 2021

E363 Swipe Society

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