This Past Weekend with Theo Von - E374 Robbie Williams and Mark Hayes

00:00:00.000 Welcome to the show today, guys. I want to let you know that I have some tour dates.

00:00:05.020 If you want to see me in live, in the live space, visual, real time, they call it IRL.

00:00:12.740 Jacksonville, Florida, February 2nd, I'll be there.

00:00:16.040 St. Petersburg, Florida, February 3rd.

00:00:19.400 Orlando, Florida, February 5th.

00:00:22.540 Lafayette, Indiana, February 24th.

00:00:24.780 Rockford, Illinois, February 25th.

00:00:26.820 Chicago, Illinois, February 26th.

00:00:30.980 Tulsa, Oklahoma, oh, that's sold out now, May 6th.

00:00:34.080 We may add one there.

00:00:35.760 And then Los Angeles, California at the Wiltern, May 7th.

00:00:39.940 That is all Return of the Rat Tour.

00:00:42.580 You can grab those tickets or on sale now, theovahn.com slash tour.

00:00:48.560 Today's guests are two men who are from another country.

00:00:54.780 And they left their country.

00:00:58.720 I'm not sure why exactly, but that's what they did.

00:01:04.260 And we're very happy to have them here today.

00:01:08.080 They are one of the most, one of the greatest selling artists of all time, of modern time, of all B.C.

00:01:22.040 Or A.D.

00:01:23.740 Mr. Robbie Williams and comedian Mark Hayes.

00:01:30.080 Shine that light on me

00:01:34.640 I'll sit and tell you my stories

00:01:40.660 Shine on me

00:01:45.340 And I will find a song

00:01:49.560 I'll be singing just for you

00:01:53.080 Yeah, what's the most fancy thing you ever, that you bought for yourself?

00:02:03.140 What's the most fancy thing that I ever bought for myself?

00:02:07.840 Bought a really big house.

00:02:11.120 Yeah, I bought a really, really big house.

00:02:16.020 Like, because I had a place that I would say was, like, quite humble for me.

00:02:21.300 Yeah, looking back.

00:02:22.720 Yeah.

00:02:23.260 And that was like a mansion.

00:02:25.080 Yeah.

00:02:25.320 It was like a mansion in Beverly Hills in a gated community.

00:02:29.660 Wow.

00:02:29.760 But, then I just was like, I want to put my foot down on this and out the john it.

00:02:36.360 Bought a place in Beverly Hills that's 20 acres.

00:02:40.380 That you have right now?

00:02:41.520 Yeah.

00:02:41.900 Oh, yeah.

00:02:42.320 20 acres.

00:02:43.780 This might be rich, dog.

00:02:45.740 20 acres.

00:02:46.760 30,000 square foot.

00:02:49.340 No way!

00:02:50.860 Yeah.

00:02:51.460 Wait, that's 20 acres.

00:02:52.860 Jesus.

00:02:53.200 Yeah.

00:02:54.080 Dude, you could have, are there rooms that you haven't been in in months?

00:02:58.320 I've got, I've got, I've got,

00:02:59.760 27 toilets.

00:03:01.220 Wow.

00:03:01.860 That's unreal, isn't it?

00:03:03.060 Yeah.

00:03:04.040 That's.

00:03:04.700 But let me tell you the thinking.

00:03:06.460 Yeah.

00:03:06.660 Okay, sorry.

00:03:07.540 So, the thinking is this.

00:03:08.840 Let me push this back.

00:03:11.940 So, you make some money.

00:03:13.620 Yeah.

00:03:14.160 And then you want to keep that money.

00:03:16.940 Right.

00:03:17.380 And then you want to do things that you understand.

00:03:19.800 And I don't understand much.

00:03:23.180 So, I genuinely, you know, and you've got all these stocks and shares

00:03:29.080 and investments that you can make.

00:03:30.740 I don't understand them.

00:03:31.840 Right.

00:03:32.140 What do I understand?

00:03:33.400 I understand bricks and mortar.

00:03:35.220 Right.

00:03:35.780 So, if I have some bricks and mortar and the stock market and everything goes

00:03:40.000 to hell in a handbasket, it still exists. 0.89

00:03:44.220 The bricks and mortar will be there.

00:03:46.180 So, I took the money out of the investments and invested it into bricks and mortar.

00:03:49.880 Yeah.

00:03:50.280 And bought this place, 20 acres, 30,000 square foot, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

00:03:54.360 And you're just like, ah, I did a grown-up thing.

00:03:58.540 I did a grown-up thing.

00:03:59.780 Yeah.

00:04:00.220 And I'm really proud of myself.

00:04:02.540 And then you go, right, okay.

00:04:04.700 What you don't take into consideration is 20 acres needs tending in Beverly Hills.

00:04:09.420 Oh, yeah.

00:04:09.980 So, you need two gardeners and then-

00:04:13.740 That's where I come in.

00:04:14.460 And here are.

00:04:15.100 Really?

00:04:15.460 Hold on.

00:04:15.960 Hold on.

00:04:16.460 Hold on, though.

00:04:17.160 So, then you've got your insurance for the house.

00:04:20.140 So, the insurance on the house because of the fires is 700 grand.

00:04:25.120 Wait.

00:04:25.620 So, the insurance because of fires is 700 grand a year?

00:04:28.240 Yeah.

00:04:28.640 What?

00:04:29.820 Seriously?

00:04:30.520 Yeah.

00:04:30.780 And then you have your house tax thing each year, which is 400,000.

00:04:36.780 So, basically, what you don't take into consideration when you're buying bricks and mortar, especially

00:04:42.020 in California, is that, okay, so, you need two gardeners, three housekeepers, a house manager.

00:04:50.420 Wow.

00:04:51.320 I have security.

00:04:52.800 Oh, yeah.

00:04:53.540 Two nannies.

00:04:55.540 It's for you.

00:04:56.700 Yeah.

00:04:57.620 Just for me.

00:04:58.600 Yeah.

00:04:58.820 So, basically, what I'm saying is you can't win anyway because the tax of actually, like

00:05:09.180 the life tax, the head tax of having a property that big, you just can't enjoy it.

00:05:17.040 Laugh off the mic a little.

00:05:18.480 Sorry.

00:05:18.740 It's good.

00:05:19.260 You come downstairs and you see 11 cars parked in your car park outside and they all work at

00:05:25.160 yours.

00:05:25.820 Wow.

00:05:26.140 So, you know, I'm basically wandering around a super yacht on land.

00:05:33.460 Oh.

00:05:34.180 So, it's sort of like drain.

00:05:36.180 It's like a super yacht drain, but on land.

00:05:39.880 Why?

00:05:40.080 Because you constantly just see the money going by, you mean?

00:05:42.500 Yeah.

00:05:43.180 Yeah.

00:05:43.600 You just see, I walk down and I-

00:05:45.320 Everything looks like an expense, kind of?

00:05:46.840 Well, I walk into the kitchen today and there is one, two, three, four, five, six, seven,

00:05:52.900 eight people.

00:05:54.160 What?

00:05:54.400 And none of them are my family. 1.00

00:05:55.640 Oh, damn, brother. 0.99

00:05:58.100 Do you know what I mean? 1.00

00:05:58.680 And they're all doing a job for me.

00:06:02.160 And so, it's just like, you know, like an old taxi where you're just sort of like watching

00:06:07.780 the cash go up and up.

00:06:09.860 Oh.

00:06:10.680 Even earlier when I walked in, how many people were like cooking food?

00:06:14.780 There was eight people in the kitchen.

00:06:16.340 Yeah.

00:06:16.740 It's unreal.

00:06:17.060 Not including us and the four kids.

00:06:20.080 Yeah.

00:06:20.860 That's why it was like, it feels homely here.

00:06:22.320 Yeah.

00:06:22.520 Because there were so many people and like the food was cooking.

00:06:24.780 Oh, that's nice.

00:06:26.000 So, my big expense.

00:06:27.520 Yeah.

00:06:28.080 Is on people that work for me.

00:06:30.760 Right.

00:06:31.040 I'm not a big, I'm not a big sort of needless.

00:06:38.200 For example, if I want a like bling watch, I'm like, love hip hop.

00:06:43.080 I want a bling watch too.

00:06:44.540 I then get in touch with the company and see what I can do for the company to get the watch

00:06:50.640 for free.

00:06:51.120 Oh, I see.

00:06:51.860 So, you like to save money in some senses.

00:06:55.540 I don't know what that is.

00:06:57.120 That's what we.

00:06:59.180 Anyway, back to what we were talking on the way in.

00:07:01.220 That's the level of money I'm willing to spend on a studio is one where you have to hear something

00:07:05.660 in the distance every day.

00:07:07.800 Anxiety.

00:07:08.440 So, what's going on?

00:07:10.000 I don't know, man.

00:07:11.300 I think I just get overwhelmed.

00:07:13.160 I don't like being like a boss.

00:07:14.900 I don't like having, like once comedy kind of started to turn more also into podcasting,

00:07:20.080 you have to like, you know, help get things done and make sure that everything runs smoothly

00:07:25.560 and it just becomes a bit like, I think it just starts to exhaust me.

00:07:30.460 I don't get to be as creative, you know?

00:07:32.480 So, when I'm listening to you say that you have help and people are helping you, I'm like,

00:07:37.000 that really perks my ears up because I'm like.

00:07:39.200 But then you just have another level of problems.

00:07:41.680 Before you got anxiety about being the boss, you were anxious about something else.

00:07:46.020 Yeah.

00:07:46.760 So, you're just swapping problems.

00:07:49.160 Yeah.

00:07:50.420 But mine sounds like a better problem than yours.

00:07:53.140 It does.

00:07:53.440 Yeah.

00:07:53.920 Yours is a fountain out front of it.

00:07:55.740 Yeah.

00:07:56.600 No, but yeah, my problem does feel better than yours.

00:08:00.200 Yeah.

00:08:01.120 I win.

00:08:04.320 Who's got better problems?

00:08:05.740 That would be almost a great game show.

00:08:07.320 It's just like somebody's like, I've got Down syndrome and somebody else is like,

00:08:11.140 I've got anxiety and people vote in the crowd.

00:08:14.140 I'd be like, I have diarrhea.

00:08:17.620 Yeah.

00:08:19.000 I got a paper cut. 0.61

00:08:21.000 I chafed a nipple.

00:08:23.240 But here, do you know when you were growing up?

00:08:23.960 Yeah, I wore a soft shirt.

00:08:25.520 There was no anxiety when you were growing up, was there?

00:08:28.120 Yeah, was there or not?

00:08:30.000 No, you didn't know it was anxiety.

00:08:31.700 Basically, you're just on high alert all of the time because I'm from not a lot of money.

00:08:38.140 I mean, I'm from a rough area.

00:08:40.440 Like Billy Elliot.

00:08:42.100 Exactly like Billy Elliot.

00:08:43.560 Yeah.

00:08:43.860 Like Billy Elliot.

00:08:44.500 I love that movie.

00:08:45.380 So there's no anxiety.

00:08:47.280 But like I thought that when I was growing up, I had like a psychic ability to know that

00:08:54.080 there was going to be trouble.

00:08:55.640 That was, I thought that it was like, I've got this inbuilt radar that detects trouble. 0.76

00:09:02.240 But actually what it is, is you're around sociopaths and psychopaths.

00:09:06.920 So you're actually scared all of the time. 0.99

00:09:10.280 That's fucking funny. 0.98

00:09:11.280 Yeah, all of the time, just living in fear all of the time. 0.99

00:09:16.380 And like my wife, who's from Beverly Hills. 0.96

00:09:18.660 Yeah.

00:09:19.340 She's had an en suite all of her life.

00:09:22.380 I'm from a place where we had a bath on Sunday and I was a third in the bath.

00:09:27.620 Third in the water, huh?

00:09:29.000 Third in the water.

00:09:29.920 Yeah, you freaking collecting coins at that point.

00:09:32.200 My grandma, right?

00:09:34.140 My grandma.

00:09:35.080 First in.

00:09:36.000 Didn't have a indoor toilet until 1983.

00:09:41.120 Really?

00:09:41.720 Yeah.

00:09:42.220 Just out in the alley?

00:09:43.080 Out in the yard.

00:09:44.280 Wow.

00:09:44.700 Yeah.

00:09:45.360 It's almost hot.

00:09:46.080 She could, she could have an OnlyFans now.

00:09:48.340 That's what's crazy.

00:09:49.580 Yeah.

00:09:49.940 Is that now that, but that's, so your grandma's toilet. 1.00

00:09:53.540 Somebody would pay for it.

00:09:54.880 I'm sure Colin or Jake, one of these guys would freaking chip in on it.

00:09:57.860 I've seen some pretty dark stuff.

00:10:00.680 I'm sure.

00:10:02.620 But yeah.

00:10:03.820 So what we, so we, so you, a lot of fear.

00:10:05.780 So you always felt fear.

00:10:06.680 Cause one of my first feelings that I ever remember in the whole world is being afraid.

00:10:10.520 Yeah.

00:10:12.300 Yeah.

00:10:13.020 My, my, my first memory is lucid dreaming that I could fly. 0.99

00:10:18.440 Oh, damn. 0.98

00:10:19.540 And then I woke up and nearly threw myself down the stairs. 1.00

00:10:23.080 Oh, damn. 0.99

00:10:23.540 Like that. 1.00

00:10:24.600 Yeah.

00:10:24.840 But I, because I was born in a pub.

00:10:27.480 Were you there?

00:10:27.820 Yeah.

00:10:28.120 Yeah.

00:10:28.360 So like.

00:10:29.140 No, really?

00:10:29.740 We lived in a pub for my first four years.

00:10:31.860 So I know that my first memory, I must have been three or under and it was lucid dreaming.

00:10:39.180 Who are you?

00:10:41.460 Who am I?

00:10:42.200 Yeah.

00:10:42.560 Cause I, I've just been doing a load of talking and you're just sitting here with Robbie Williams

00:10:47.100 and Mark Hayes.

00:10:47.880 I mean, we'll, we'll do an intro in the beginning too.

00:10:50.700 And you guys are mates and you guys are from another country. 0.65

00:10:53.680 Oh yeah.

00:10:54.240 Ireland, England.

00:10:55.240 Two separate countries.

00:10:56.320 Two separate countries.

00:10:57.080 Yeah.

00:10:57.260 It's all the same to Americans. 0.92

00:10:58.380 Yeah.

00:10:58.800 Yeah.

00:10:59.140 To us, I think it does run together.

00:11:00.900 You know, I feel like America's getting so weird.

00:11:03.240 People are starting to go back.

00:11:04.500 I've been seeing like Mayflowers and stuff ads on the internet for like the new Mayflower

00:11:08.620 and it's heading back across to England.

00:11:11.600 I think people are.

00:11:12.580 The Titanic is going home.

00:11:13.840 A big cook.

00:11:14.640 Yeah.

00:11:15.100 I think people are willing to take on an iceberg just to maybe change the scope of things.

00:11:19.260 Here's the thing though.

00:11:20.080 I think America is so good.

00:11:22.180 No matter how mental it gets, we'll still come.

00:11:25.620 Yeah.

00:11:26.060 Yeah.

00:11:27.020 Cause you're just like, you just see Baywatch or you see like MTV.

00:11:30.400 Oh yeah.

00:11:30.820 Oh yeah.

00:11:31.160 I want that.

00:11:32.080 Yeah.

00:11:32.300 You see one warm tit on a show.

00:11:34.300 Yeah.

00:11:34.720 And you're just like, oh, this is better than a cold tit.

00:11:38.140 I've, I've lived in LA for 21 years and I, I don't know if you have this with LA or you

00:11:44.960 have this at all, but like every five years I'll try and leave LA.

00:11:49.600 Something will happen where I'll just get pissed off and there'll be like a, a bunch of things

00:11:55.680 or a bunch of people where I'm just like, you've really let me down in only a way that

00:12:00.980 people in Los Angeles can let me down.

00:12:02.840 Oh yeah, that's true.

00:12:03.920 And then I go, no, no, no.

00:12:05.220 And I am leaving.

00:12:06.500 And then I get on the plane and I take all the dogs and the children and my clothes and

00:12:12.760 a land in England.

00:12:14.000 And, and I got, I need to get back. 1.00

00:12:16.880 This is shit. 0.99

00:12:18.220 Have you had that happen? 1.00

00:12:19.360 All the time.

00:12:20.080 Have you?

00:12:20.540 Every time.

00:12:21.140 I've done it.

00:12:21.460 I've done it four times.

00:12:22.660 Really?

00:12:22.900 Yeah.

00:12:23.140 Like I bought a house in the countryside in England.

00:12:25.900 Wow.

00:12:26.180 Right.

00:12:26.400 I bought this.

00:12:27.520 It's a castle, isn't it?

00:12:28.580 Yeah.

00:12:29.380 Bought this place in the countryside in England.

00:12:31.500 And like, this is our forever home wife and we are living here now and we leave those

00:12:37.620 people, dastardly people in Los Angeles and the children will grow here and will provide

00:12:42.880 memories and I better not tell her that I hate it.

00:12:46.740 And I want to move back second night.

00:12:48.880 Really?

00:12:49.440 Second night of buying the house.

00:12:50.780 I was like, I don't like it.

00:12:52.100 Was that really?

00:12:52.920 Was that the English anxiety coming in?

00:12:55.200 Cause I get that in Ireland, if I went home and like sat in my couch, I'm like, oh, this

00:13:00.560 is where like, I was trying to get away from.

00:13:03.200 Yeah.

00:13:03.720 But do you think it's because something feels like simpler there?

00:13:07.900 Does it feel like not like, what are some of the feelings that would make you think

00:13:12.020 that it's, is it too quiet?

00:13:14.360 Is it too simple?

00:13:16.980 Is it too old fashioned?

00:13:19.180 Like, are there things that make you think like?

00:13:21.360 I think in Ireland, it feels a bit restricted.

00:13:24.720 Whereas in LA, like anything could happen.

00:13:27.620 There's opportunity.

00:13:28.780 Yeah.

00:13:28.900 You're walking.

00:13:29.620 Yeah.

00:13:29.780 And like, sometimes it obviously does.

00:13:32.740 Yeah.

00:13:33.240 Most of the time, obviously it doesn't.

00:13:35.240 Yeah.

00:13:35.500 Yeah.

00:13:35.660 But in Los Angeles, you just think I am going, I'm walking around the corner and Adam Sandler

00:13:41.400 is going to go, we should do a biopic about your life where I play you.

00:13:46.280 And I'm like, yeah, Adam Sandler, that should happen.

00:13:48.400 It's delusional that everyone of all levels.

00:13:51.000 Yeah.

00:13:51.240 There's a guy who's Spider-Man screaming at people.

00:13:54.980 He's like, I think it used to be more like that was a possibility though.

00:13:58.980 You know, I think it used to, I don't, or that used to be certainly a dream.

00:14:02.740 Do you think that's still, I think maybe in our age, that was a dream.

00:14:06.160 Like, you're like, yeah, I can walk down the street and like Eric Estrada is going to

00:14:09.880 walk up or fricking, uh, you know, I'm trying to think of somebody else.

00:14:14.460 Lou Farino.

00:14:15.040 Yeah.

00:14:15.360 Lou Farino, dude.

00:14:16.500 I finally stood behind at a post office one time and his wife, I think he's deaf. 0.97

00:14:21.020 I didn't even know that, which makes the whole Incredible Hulk way more messed up.

00:14:25.420 I think dude, painting the deaf guy green is insane.

00:14:28.480 In 21 years of living here, the only thing that has actually happened like that, where

00:14:33.800 somebody walks up to you and offers you something was I was at Galleria 16 in the Valley and I

00:14:40.360 was offered the chance to be the bachelor.

00:14:43.800 Really?

00:14:44.300 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:14:44.960 Do they know who you are?

00:14:45.660 I don't know.

00:14:47.040 Yeah.

00:14:47.380 You have that look.

00:14:48.580 Yeah.

00:14:48.940 Maybe, maybe it was a while ago, but like the only thing that's ever happened was sort

00:14:52.860 of like you could be the bachelor.

00:14:54.180 Yeah.

00:14:54.780 Yeah.

00:14:55.080 I think a lot that, that kind of took over where like, it was like reality shows people

00:14:58.500 could get like the possibility on.

00:14:59.980 Would you be the bachelor?

00:15:00.860 No.

00:15:02.060 No.

00:15:02.480 Why?

00:15:03.480 I just would have, I think I'd have, uh, that's a good question.

00:15:09.400 Why I couldn't be the bachelor, man?

00:15:11.380 I think I would just be kind of scared.

00:15:13.440 I would just be, I don't know.

00:15:15.560 I'd be flirting with the chicks, but then like, I'd be trying to perv out at night probably

00:15:20.780 and like sneak around or something.

00:15:24.200 It was, I don't know. 0.98

00:15:25.300 I'd probably get busted, masturbate, you know, it's something bad, something that would make 0.98

00:15:28.820 me seem a little bit strange. 0.99

00:15:30.380 I think your true self comes out.

00:15:32.980 Yeah.

00:15:33.160 I think my true self, I think my true self can't help, but come out.

00:15:36.200 Okay.

00:15:36.220 Let's, let's, let's pitch that show. 1.00

00:15:37.700 Okay.

00:15:38.060 But let's pitch it where it's called something else now, but it's the same as the bachelor, 0.88

00:15:42.000 but the pervs.

00:15:42.900 Okay.

00:15:43.400 What streaming service is it on or what TV channel is it on?

00:15:47.780 What's it called?

00:15:50.120 The perv.

00:15:51.120 The perv. 0.63

00:15:52.240 Maybe called, uh, who's Tom Thumb?

00:15:56.040 Isn't it a famous character?

00:15:57.240 Tom Thumb?

00:15:58.420 It's, yeah.

00:15:59.220 It's, isn't he a fairy tale or something?

00:16:00.720 Maybe like a peeping Tom, something for peeping Toms, but where they're like doing well. 1.00

00:16:05.780 Maybe, maybe you wouldn't be, maybe you'd be the, is it Chris Hansen?

00:16:09.380 Oh yeah.

00:16:09.940 Maybe you'd be the presenter of that.

00:16:11.820 Oh yeah. 0.65

00:16:12.840 And then you wouldn't have to be, you wouldn't have to be the perv. 0.84

00:16:16.380 Yeah. 0.71

00:16:17.020 I could be like the perv wrangler. 0.80

00:16:19.160 The perv wrangler.

00:16:20.240 Yeah. 0.91

00:16:20.500 I'd be the perv. 0.96

00:16:22.080 I'd make a good perv.

00:16:23.320 Hey, listen, straight after this, Ted's around us, hop in the car, we'll go pitch it.

00:16:27.920 Here we come, Mr. Sarandos.

00:16:31.440 Back to the England thing.

00:16:32.640 Yeah.

00:16:33.140 Take some explaining.

00:16:34.340 So you get over there.

00:16:35.880 So this is what happens for me.

00:16:37.420 Okay.

00:16:37.620 Right.

00:16:38.000 So, um, at one point in my life, I was ridiculously famous in a country that you haven't been to.

00:16:45.300 Right.

00:16:45.960 And like, but ridiculously like Michael Jackson style famous.

00:16:50.000 Right.

00:16:50.320 And how old was he?

00:16:51.500 How old was I?

00:16:52.340 Yeah.

00:16:53.180 Um, I became famous when I was 17.

00:16:55.380 Oh man.

00:16:56.440 Yeah.

00:16:56.720 I joined a boy band when I was 16.

00:16:59.240 The boy band took off.

00:17:00.760 And then when I was 21, I left and then I had a solo career and sold 80 million albums.

00:17:07.120 Jesus.

00:17:07.680 Hold the record for the most tickets sold in a day for a tour and blah, blah, blah, blah.

00:17:12.880 And all of that business.

00:17:14.540 So this meets with, I'm sober, right?

00:17:16.840 I'm a sober guy.

00:17:17.620 Right.

00:17:17.820 But this meets with depression and anxiety and mental illness and extreme fame and extreme success.

00:17:27.220 Yeah.

00:17:27.340 And I came to America to promote an album and I'm over here promoting this album and I'm in like Milwaukee and I'm doing a radio station to eight people at seven o'clock in the morning.

00:17:42.540 Yeah.

00:17:42.760 And like, I already have like millions in the bank and a huge following and like, I'm in Milwaukee and I'm depressed and I'm anxious and there's a guy going, gee, Robbie, that was a great performance.

00:17:55.160 I hope we can play your record. 0.98

00:17:57.540 And like, it's seven o'clock in the fucking morning. 1.00

00:18:00.860 What's this hope I can play your record shit? 1.00

00:18:02.960 And so I'm going around America doing all of this stuff and I'm like going, hang on. 0.99

00:18:08.380 So all of this fame's making me anxious and depressed.

00:18:13.480 And if I go to America, I'm famous in Papua New Guinea if I'm famous in America.

00:18:18.460 Right.

00:18:19.320 So this realization is happening as I'm traveling through America trying to break America.

00:18:24.680 And then I can remember doing like a rock the vote performance in New York.

00:18:30.360 Like, and I've never voted in my life.

00:18:32.960 And I'm trying to tell the kids to vote.

00:18:35.680 And I'm like, this is, this is not authentic.

00:18:39.620 And then I'm like, hang on.

00:18:41.280 What am I doing here?

00:18:42.160 Why am I trying to break this?

00:18:44.060 Why don't I go and live there, live in anonymity and then have a nice life?

00:18:50.920 So the pair, the grownup driving the car made a decision to not promote in America and not do anything.

00:18:56.820 So 21 years ago, I moved here and turned everything down.

00:19:01.200 Wow.

00:19:01.420 I was offered in the States.

00:19:02.960 Like the bachelor?

00:19:04.300 Like the bachelor, yeah.

00:19:06.160 So basically, this is what happens is that I live in anonymity here and I really, really enjoy that.

00:19:12.680 Wow.

00:19:13.320 Then I tried to move back to my home country and remember that I have no anonymity there.

00:19:18.620 And that makes me feel anxious and depressed.

00:19:20.900 Wow.

00:19:21.160 And then I moved back to Los Angeles.

00:19:23.160 So that's basically what happened.

00:19:24.940 You know, keeping things fresh is tantamount.

00:19:29.600 It's paramount.

00:19:31.800 It's important.

00:19:32.580 It's one of the premier things.

00:19:35.580 And I have trouble keeping things fresh.

00:19:37.460 You know, I'm not a real, I'm not that fresh man.

00:19:40.760 I'm not that fresh.

00:19:41.960 If you look at the, in the crisper drawer in my house, you're not going to, there's nothing in there.

00:19:46.220 You know, I don't really have that much, that much that's fresh in my world.

00:19:53.180 But who does is Peloton.

00:19:56.520 One Peloton.

00:19:57.820 That's right.

00:19:58.780 They've got the bike, the bike plus, but they're freshening things up for the new year.

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00:20:12.660 It's easy to stick to your goals when you freshen them up, when you spray a little bit of that.

00:20:18.140 Imagine it's taking your goal, one of your goals and opening its dang mouth and just spraying a mint.

00:20:23.180 Breath men in there. 1.00

00:20:25.480 Damn. 1.00

00:20:26.760 Beautiful. 1.00

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00:21:15.040 You know, man, I've had a lot of unmanageability in my brain.

00:21:21.740 And then it's in my life.

00:21:24.480 You know, what starts upstairs in my head ends downstairs in my life.

00:21:30.820 And so I've got to manage that.

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00:22:39.720 That's insane.

00:22:40.980 What a crazy that that Los Angeles would be a place that you would come for comfort.

00:22:45.560 I feel like, you know.

00:22:46.900 Yeah.

00:22:47.440 But it's interesting.

00:22:49.080 A lot of rappers, they say that they don't like to live in their hometown

00:22:53.580 because people will kill them, you know.

00:22:55.400 Like a lot of like, like little Boosie was in here 0.99

00:22:57.860 and he said he doesn't like to live in Louisiana

00:23:00.600 because people will kill him there because they get jealous and stuff like that.

00:23:04.400 Is there a lot of that kind of stuff in England?

00:23:06.760 I've never, I've never ever said this, but yeah.

00:23:09.260 I had a contract to help me to kill me. 0.95

00:23:11.000 No way. 0.99

00:23:11.500 Yeah.

00:23:11.940 Jesus.

00:23:12.580 Never said it publicly ever.

00:23:13.980 Wow. 0.99

00:23:14.380 Fucking hell. 1.00

00:23:15.280 Did you put it out for yourself? 1.00

00:23:16.740 Yeah, yeah.

00:23:17.540 Was it PR?

00:23:18.860 Yeah.

00:23:19.940 Yeah.

00:23:20.420 No.

00:23:21.080 Is it still out?

00:23:22.240 No.

00:23:22.500 Does it go away?

00:23:23.720 Went away.

00:23:24.640 Jesus.

00:23:25.120 What happened?

00:23:25.980 I have friends. 1.00

00:23:28.600 Damn. 1.00

00:23:29.120 Yeah, I have friends. 0.99

00:23:30.520 But like, you know, that stuff sort of is the unseen stuff

00:23:35.120 that happens when you become famous.

00:23:38.380 Because you were insanely, yeah.

00:23:39.600 Being insanely famous, I can't even fathom, you know.

00:23:42.740 Like I've been over to like, like I've spent time around Justin Bieber.

00:23:46.140 That kind of stuff is insane, you know, to see.

00:23:48.420 Um, some of these UFC guys, it gets pretty insane.

00:23:52.400 Really?

00:23:52.800 Yeah.

00:23:53.360 But I can't, because it.

00:23:56.880 Did you feel like you needed to escape then?

00:23:59.600 Or did you feel like you were just going?

00:24:02.480 Did you feel like you were leaving England?

00:24:04.320 Like you wanted to leave?

00:24:05.480 Or did you feel like you wanted to go somewhere else?

00:24:08.160 If that makes any sense.

00:24:10.080 Well, there's that, there's that, there's like a few levels of fame

00:24:15.600 and what it does to you. 1.00

00:24:17.340 And the first one is, fuck. 1.00

00:24:20.000 And there's a couple more I can't remember. 1.00

00:24:21.880 But the fourth one is like acceptance.

00:24:25.060 You know, you sort of rally against this,

00:24:28.540 your privacy being taken away from you.

00:24:30.400 And you, you rally against it by, um, trying to be normal and try to be normal.

00:24:37.260 But also I'm going to be small.

00:24:38.900 So you don't beat me up. 0.99

00:24:40.240 I'm a dickhead. 0.99

00:24:42.340 Don't hurt me. 0.99

00:24:43.600 And I'm going to go to all the normal places. 0.59

00:24:46.060 I can't go because people want to kill me.

00:24:49.060 And, but it takes a while to get to acceptance.

00:24:53.280 That you can't do it.

00:24:54.660 Yeah.

00:24:55.520 And then.

00:24:56.200 Could you go to the shop in England?

00:24:57.200 Uh, yeah, I, I, I, I could with my COVID mask on.

00:25:04.320 Oh yeah.

00:25:04.700 But you couldn't just like walk down the street and pop in.

00:25:07.280 Nah.

00:25:08.240 Really?

00:25:08.840 Nah. 1.00

00:25:09.800 It would have caused like, oh fuck. 0.99

00:25:12.060 Well, you know, it's like, I have anxiety and I don't like meeting strangers. 0.99

00:25:18.540 Oh yeah.

00:25:19.120 But like strangers want to meet me.

00:25:21.720 Yeah.

00:25:22.120 And I feel really uncomfortable about it.

00:25:24.600 And it's like thinking about it now actually gives me anxiety.

00:25:29.820 So it's like, it's a trigger.

00:25:31.480 It's like, and also you've got to be the mayor of the best town that anybody's ever visited.

00:25:37.200 Oh yeah. 1.00

00:25:37.540 Or else people go, he's one of those famous people that are a dick. 1.00

00:25:40.540 Oh yeah. 0.99

00:25:40.840 You got to be the nicest guy every time.

00:25:42.660 The nicest.

00:25:43.500 And actually.

00:25:44.460 That's hard.

00:25:44.960 I, I, I hate having my picture taken.

00:25:47.400 Oh. 0.99

00:25:47.760 I fucking hate it. 1.00

00:25:49.380 I hate it with my wife. 1.00

00:25:50.840 Oh yeah. 1.00

00:25:51.280 Like she does Instagram and I'm just like, fuck off this. 1.00

00:25:54.980 No. 0.99

00:25:55.840 Like the, the act of having a picture taken makes me go, for whatever reason that is.

00:26:02.020 Probably because so much use in the Chinese believe this.

00:26:04.860 And I don't really even believe in the Chinese a lot of times, but I believe.

00:26:08.240 That it takes your soul.

00:26:09.580 Yeah.

00:26:10.100 It's not the, I thought it was like.

00:26:11.800 The Indians.

00:26:12.480 I thought it was the Indians.

00:26:13.740 I think that's a made up.

00:26:15.300 Well, the Chinese borrowed it because I remember I, I was in China one time trying to take a picture

00:26:19.360 of somebody and they're like, no, no, no, no.

00:26:20.820 They come up and try to cover the camera.

00:26:22.800 Yeah.

00:26:22.880 They don't want, cause it like, they said like it captures a little bit of you.

00:26:26.080 So I think it could make sense that after someone has been so like, and I don't want

00:26:30.460 to use the term exploited, but you, you know, so much of your image and your voice and everything

00:26:35.160 is used for, uh, artwork or ambiance or transaction or whatever, that something's got to leave out

00:26:45.340 of your spirit.

00:26:45.840 It seems like, it seemed like it would, do you feel that at all?

00:26:48.540 Did you ever?

00:26:49.600 Well, then it takes a bit of your soul.

00:26:51.240 Yeah.

00:26:51.580 Maybe subconsciously that's what it is that makes me feel anxious about it.

00:26:56.340 But the, what happens in the process is this, is that I'm a chronic people pleaser too.

00:27:00.940 Yeah.

00:27:01.460 It's like, I want you to think that I'm the nicest person that you've ever met, because

00:27:05.540 if you don't and you go away having a bad time, having met me, I'll feel really awful.

00:27:13.000 But also at the same time, but also at the same time, it's like, I,

00:27:18.920 I don't want you to have any time with me at all.

00:27:21.820 So I, I, what I do is I become agoraphobic, but like happily agoraphobic.

00:27:28.220 And what is agoraphobic?

00:27:29.800 Not like crops or something, huh?

00:27:32.780 Agoraphobic is like where you're scared.

00:27:34.080 Is that what I'm talking about?

00:27:34.780 No, it's where you're, that's agriculture.

00:27:36.840 Agoraphobic is like where you're scared of going outside.

00:27:39.520 Oh.

00:27:40.280 But I'm not scared of going outside.

00:27:42.640 I just don't want to.

00:27:44.280 Yeah.

00:27:44.540 So, but it's either, but I, I do it also here in Los Angeles where I'm not known is that

00:27:51.700 I'm not bothered to go outside.

00:27:54.780 Yeah.

00:27:55.140 I've been outside.

00:27:56.500 I've been outside.

00:27:57.580 I've been outside.

00:27:58.680 Good job.

00:27:59.320 One thing, if it gets interesting, I think, and if you want to have a bad time, first of 0.98

00:28:02.400 I'll go see one of Mark's shows that'll definitely put you fucking down the dumps. 0.98

00:28:07.920 Yeah. 0.99

00:28:08.100 You'll need to call a janitor to help you.

00:28:11.200 But it's interesting that one of the things that happens is you have with people, you have

00:28:16.400 the same interaction over and over again, that it gets to be not mundane because each

00:28:21.620 person is, you know, they're a new soul and you're, you know, there's, but it becomes,

00:28:26.920 there does become a repetition to it.

00:28:28.780 And sometimes I think as somebody that's creative, repetition isn't something that makes you feel

00:28:34.380 comfortable maybe, or that you're like attracted to kind of.

00:28:38.800 So I think sometimes that can be a little bit strange.

00:28:42.360 Does that make any sense?

00:28:43.780 Well, there is the repetition, but there's also being an introvert, doing an extrovert's

00:28:48.960 job.

00:28:49.540 Yeah.

00:28:50.100 It's like my job is to be an extrovert, but actually why I was taking all of those drugs

00:28:54.780 is to make me feel okay.

00:28:55.900 Cause I'm an introvert.

00:28:56.920 Yeah.

00:28:57.120 Is I, I want to be the life and soul of the party.

00:29:01.340 Uh, and I also want to have things in common with everybody and, you know, but I haven't

00:29:09.100 because actually what I want to do is just stay in my bedroom all day.

00:29:13.700 It's crazy that being on stage is the only time probably you get to do both.

00:29:18.540 Yeah.

00:29:19.700 Well, maybe you've got kids.

00:29:21.020 I don't have no kids, man.

00:29:22.640 Have you managed that?

00:29:23.600 I don't know.

00:29:24.620 I just think I can't, I'm, I'm not that good at sex.

00:29:27.480 I'm not like a pre, like if somebody were picking people for basketball for, but it was 0.73

00:29:30.820 for sex, they'd be like, you know, I'd be the guy at the end.

00:29:33.720 That's like, Hey, what about me?

00:29:35.020 You know?

00:29:35.420 So, but I think I just haven't really, um, I don't know.

00:29:40.240 I want, I think I want to, I'm 41, I'm 40, I'm 40.

00:29:44.440 You look that up.

00:29:45.320 I'm 40 or 41.

00:29:47.280 I'm 40 or 41.

00:29:49.680 So what do you think is going to, I mean, I want to have a, I need to have a family.

00:29:52.720 So I'm trying to get some help right now for like, I got a lot of commitment issues.

00:29:56.360 41.

00:29:56.860 There you go.

00:29:57.640 Bam.

00:29:58.900 So, um, do you go to therapy?

00:30:01.540 Yeah.

00:30:01.960 So I'll go to therapy at 5 PM tomorrow and I'm thinking about going away next month, doing

00:30:06.640 like a couple of week or month men's retreat somewhere to work on like intimacy issues.

00:30:12.320 I just have a lot of like commitment.

00:30:14.540 I just really have a tough time committing. 0.99

00:30:17.220 Just fucking do it. 0.99

00:30:18.640 Yeah. 1.00

00:30:18.860 I like your attitude.

00:30:19.780 No, but no.

00:30:20.260 I'm on the other side.

00:30:21.600 Don't do it.

00:30:22.900 Yeah.

00:30:23.240 This guy is the worst. 0.80

00:30:24.660 Yeah. 0.87

00:30:24.800 But he's so unconscious.

00:30:26.100 Yeah.

00:30:26.340 Oh, he is unconscious.

00:30:27.040 He's completely and utterly unconscious.

00:30:29.600 It's like he, you've, you've stripped away all of your stuff.

00:30:33.780 You, you're, you're sober, right?

00:30:34.980 Yeah.

00:30:35.320 Okay.

00:30:35.680 So you're a sober guy.

00:30:37.060 You don't get the joy of being unconscious.

00:30:40.620 You, you, you see your problems and you go, oh, I've got to deal with that.

00:30:44.820 He's dealing with nothing.

00:30:46.280 No, no, he's not.

00:30:47.260 It's great.

00:30:47.800 He's, yeah, he's in the HOV lane.

00:30:49.640 He has nobody in the car with him.

00:30:50.960 Yeah.

00:30:51.360 And he's not even in a car.

00:30:52.740 He's moving backwards.

00:30:54.440 Yeah.

00:30:54.560 He's moving backwards.

00:30:55.640 Yeah.

00:30:55.820 He's moving backwards and he's walking backwards.

00:30:58.600 I enjoy it.

00:30:59.340 Yeah, he does.

00:30:59.980 That's the thing.

00:31:00.820 Because, yeah, I was just thinking it's better to be unconscious. 1.00

00:31:03.640 Oh, he's like a hot, dumb girl trapped in a daft man over here. 1.00

00:31:07.340 I feel it in a way, man. 1.00

00:31:08.640 And I say that lovingly, bud.

00:31:09.840 I say, I say, I say that lovingly too.

00:31:12.260 I say that with like pangs of jealousy.

00:31:15.420 Yeah.

00:31:16.300 Oh yeah.

00:31:16.820 To be just happy and just, he's the happiest guy.

00:31:19.720 I call him sometimes just to get happiness out of him.

00:31:22.360 Sometimes he, he told me a funny thing.

00:31:24.120 He goes, the more I get to know you, the sadder it is.

00:31:26.300 But like, you're in that predicament where it's like, it's bad, but it's not bad enough.

00:31:36.360 Not bad enough for a minute.

00:31:37.160 I don't know if it ever will be.

00:31:38.120 Yeah, that's it.

00:31:38.720 It just stays above the zone.

00:31:40.540 Yeah.

00:31:40.740 Because like mine is sort of like, you know, break out in handcuffs, lock me up.

00:31:44.840 Really?

00:31:45.560 Oh yeah.

00:31:46.040 Lose wife, lose kids, lose job, lose everything.

00:31:49.780 Oh yeah.

00:31:50.460 I wouldn't have that.

00:31:51.320 You need to get famous so bad things can happen to you.

00:31:54.800 Oh, it would be bad for him.

00:31:56.380 It really would.

00:31:57.360 Yeah. 1.00

00:31:57.680 Like he hasn't got a fucking clue. 1.00

00:31:59.660 He would be busted immediately for something. 1.00

00:32:01.100 Yeah.

00:32:02.120 So you just need, you need a bit of fame.

00:32:05.100 Yeah.

00:32:05.280 You actually, just stay where you are.

00:32:07.100 You're good.

00:32:08.480 Yeah.

00:32:08.760 Just right in the zone.

00:32:09.720 Oh yeah.

00:32:09.940 You're in a perfect spot, Mark.

00:32:11.000 You're always having fun.

00:32:12.040 He loves chasing the ladies and the ladies love him somehow, you know?

00:32:15.760 Yeah, they really do.

00:32:16.820 It's charm, I think.

00:32:17.960 It's good looks.

00:32:18.880 Mostly good looks.

00:32:21.860 It's charm.

00:32:22.660 Charm, charm.

00:32:23.380 It's charm.

00:32:23.900 It's that Pete Davidson thing.

00:32:25.180 Yeah.

00:32:26.600 Yeah, dude.

00:32:27.620 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:32:28.680 It's probably good hair.

00:32:29.780 He looks like Pete Moss Davidson, you know?

00:32:32.660 What, from Culture Club?

00:32:34.660 No, who's Pete Moss?

00:32:35.440 Bring up Pete Moss.

00:32:36.340 Can you bring it up?

00:32:36.980 P-E-A-T-M-O-S-S? 1.00

00:32:43.420 There you are.

00:32:44.880 Yeah, he's like Pete Moss Davidson.

00:32:46.560 It's just an actual, yeah, there you go.

00:32:48.100 Look at that Preserved Forest Moss.

00:32:49.640 That's him right there.

00:32:50.720 That's my hair.

00:32:51.520 Get a good look at him.

00:32:52.400 Yep.

00:32:53.520 Yep.

00:32:54.280 Yep, that's him.

00:32:55.920 Is that the reference that you were going for?

00:32:57.660 Yeah.

00:32:58.020 Oh, yeah.

00:32:59.000 Yeah, just kind of a damaged fern.

00:33:02.520 I take all these as compliments.

00:33:04.360 Yeah.

00:33:04.680 Yeah, sometimes I think, did you have like a lot of problems with like commitment and stuff like that?

00:33:12.940 Was it hard for you to get a wife? 1.00

00:33:14.080 I mean, I'm sure it was easy because.

00:33:15.200 Okay, so it was genuinely the biggest leap of faith to ever make.

00:33:22.640 Wow.

00:33:23.480 And I could have missed it.

00:33:25.600 And it was a sliding doors moment.

00:33:28.300 And you may have missed the perfect person for you.

00:33:33.580 It's too late.

00:33:34.200 No, you stay away.

00:33:36.700 Well, here's.

00:33:37.460 Okay.

00:33:37.920 So he does better.

00:33:38.920 He's better.

00:33:39.140 Okay.

00:33:39.320 So here's the thing, right?

00:33:40.480 Yeah.

00:33:40.800 I mean, I'm anxious.

00:33:42.460 I'm depressed. 1.00

00:33:43.960 I can't keep my penis in my pants. 1.00

00:33:46.340 Yeah. 1.00

00:33:46.560 I can't look after myself.

00:33:49.500 How the hell am I going to turn up and be a decent human being for another person?

00:33:54.940 Right.

00:33:55.260 Exactly.

00:33:55.980 I'm listening now.

00:33:56.800 Yeah.

00:33:57.100 I'll lean in.

00:33:57.760 Yeah.

00:33:58.340 Okay.

00:33:58.920 So that's what I was thinking.

00:34:01.680 It's like, I can't do this.

00:34:04.600 I can't be the person that I want to be or the person that you need me to be.

00:34:08.880 So I'm not going to bother.

00:34:09.980 Right.

00:34:10.260 But as it happens, 17 years later, four kids later, I am that guy.

00:34:16.980 And I was that guy.

00:34:18.640 And I was given the, I gave myself the opportunity to be that guy.

00:34:22.920 My beautiful wife gave me the opportunity to be that guy and believed in me.

00:34:28.860 But did you just say one day I'm that guy?

00:34:30.940 Did you go to like therapy?

00:34:32.320 Did you do other things you did that helped you get there?

00:34:35.120 It's like giving up drinking or giving up drugs.

00:34:37.920 Yeah.

00:34:38.100 It genuinely is one day at a time.

00:34:40.260 17 years worth of days later with my wife.

00:34:43.580 Wow.

00:34:43.940 I'm in a monogamous relationship with somebody that I really like, who's really cool, really

00:34:49.780 great to look at, really smart and really creative.

00:34:54.020 And you can be that guy.

00:34:57.920 Yeah, me too.

00:34:59.140 You can't.

00:35:00.820 You can't.

00:35:01.500 You're so far away from being that guy.

00:35:03.860 It does sound like a big leap of faith.

00:35:06.260 Oh, it's the biggest.

00:35:07.240 Because not only that, she gets half if I'm not that guy.

00:35:12.420 That's what I was going to say. 1.00

00:35:13.380 Because then you, I like to project in the future and be like, ah, yeah, but if it doesn't work, so fuck it. 1.00

00:35:19.040 Don't leap. 1.00

00:35:20.340 But you're more, if your wife, that's got to be crazy to go to bed at night and know if your wife kills you, she's coming up roses. 1.00

00:35:27.560 I don't even think about that bit.

00:35:29.880 But at the start, it was just like, there is.

00:35:33.800 When you asked her, when you said, I mean, you're going to be my girlfriend, were you serious about it when you said it to her?

00:35:38.200 No, I didn't, I didn't say that.

00:35:40.980 I broke up with her three times.

00:35:42.660 I see you were trying to come back.

00:35:45.060 Yeah, like the, and like the first two, first three, the three times that I broke up with her, she didn't even know.

00:35:51.360 She just went, she went back to her house and then like a flatbed truck turned up with a car on it and bin bags full of clothes turned up.

00:36:01.520 Oh, really? 1.00

00:36:02.360 Yeah, I was such a pussy. 1.00

00:36:04.620 I didn't even tell her that we'd broken up. 1.00

00:36:05.900 You didn't even tell her, damn bro, what a savage move. 1.00

00:36:09.740 Yeah, but that's a very Irish English move. 1.00

00:36:12.500 Yeah.

00:36:12.820 Like, guess what I got you for Christmas, an apartment.

00:36:14.940 Yeah, like, there you go.

00:36:16.540 Yeah.

00:36:17.020 That's insane.

00:36:18.700 Yeah.

00:36:18.900 That's like, I know guys in Ireland who'd be like, yeah, I got a dumper. 0.99

00:36:21.640 And next they'll come back and be like, we're engaged.

00:36:23.980 Yeah.

00:36:24.400 Yeah.

00:36:25.020 They're like too weak.

00:36:26.280 Oh, it's most, I think it's most men or it's, it's hard to just communicate with a woman. 1.00

00:36:30.940 It's like looking in the face of like.

00:36:34.220 A puppy.

00:36:35.160 Yeah.

00:36:35.600 I'm going to break somebody's heart.

00:36:37.580 Right. 0.98

00:36:38.760 And I didn't have the balls to do it, but I was like breaking hearts left, right and center. 0.96

00:36:44.080 Because, you know, I am a man of means with a level of fame. 0.97

00:36:50.940 Right.

00:36:51.580 So, you know, and not, not, but ugly.

00:36:55.140 So I'm like a good package to people.

00:36:58.720 Right.

00:36:59.040 And those, so like, it'd be just like.

00:37:02.240 Top shelf.

00:37:02.860 A girl would come in and go, right. 1.00

00:37:05.320 I, she comes, walks into Pants Down Palace. 1.00

00:37:08.280 Oh, yeah.

00:37:09.280 And then goes, I actually pause.

00:37:11.940 I'm going to put a pause on this because I want to wife him.

00:37:15.760 Oh, yeah.

00:37:16.420 Oh, you remember you told me that.

00:37:17.400 So there wasn't a lot of sex happening because girls would just go, this is, this is a good deal. 0.98

00:37:24.060 I'm going to, I'm going to.

00:37:25.440 I'm going to play my cards here.

00:37:26.620 Yes.

00:37:27.240 Did you, when, in Britain, what time do y'all lose y'all's virginities at?

00:37:32.320 Like in the UK?

00:37:32.960 Is it like 10 or 11 or is it 17?

00:37:35.900 Like a lot of guys.

00:37:37.700 I'd say it's 15 to 17.

00:37:39.260 Wow.

00:37:40.360 And indoors or outdoors, people doing it more.

00:37:42.440 Usually a field.

00:37:43.340 Oh, wow.

00:37:44.740 Well, I was a latch, latch door.

00:37:48.200 What do you call them in America?

00:37:49.920 Latch key?

00:37:50.400 Latch key kid.

00:37:51.360 So you had the, so you was, if you was home, nobody else, it was just you.

00:37:55.240 Well, yeah.

00:37:55.800 So I took my, the girl back to mine. 0.54

00:37:59.660 Oh.

00:38:00.620 And then it was like, I was, I was like, I can't do that.

00:38:04.240 I can't, I'm scared.

00:38:05.020 I can't do this.

00:38:06.060 Of course.

00:38:06.380 And then as she was leaving, I saw all of my friends' faces pointing and laughing at

00:38:11.600 me.

00:38:12.300 Lino and Giuseppe and Emo and Pete and Tate all going, ah, and I was like, no, I must do

00:38:18.480 this.

00:38:19.040 Oh, laughing.

00:38:19.760 I thought you were laughing because you were doing this.

00:38:20.620 No, laughing because I wasn't going to do it.

00:38:22.360 Oh.

00:38:23.020 So I go upstairs and I go into my room and it's a single bed and we can't fit on it.

00:38:28.700 Oh, yeah.

00:38:30.040 Only room.

00:38:31.080 Oh, no way, really?

00:38:32.080 My mom's.

00:38:33.500 That's all right. 0.99

00:38:34.240 You're a bad man. 0.86

00:38:35.220 What about you, Marky? 0.93

00:38:39.240 How'd you get rid of it, huh?

00:38:41.240 I remember I was grounded, so there was a time crunch and this girl was like, oh, my

00:38:46.260 friend wants to meet you.

00:38:47.260 Oh, this is bad.

00:38:47.920 I was wearing white jeans.

00:38:48.900 It was at Christmas.

00:38:49.820 Oh, yeah.

00:38:50.700 And I met her like behind the wall, like we're in muck and stuff.

00:38:53.700 It was raining and she was just kept giving me green lights.

00:38:57.120 Oh, yeah.

00:38:57.740 To keep going.

00:38:58.600 At one point I was on my knees in muck.

00:39:00.680 Oh, God.

00:39:01.440 I didn't have a clue what I was doing.

00:39:02.620 Not a clue.

00:39:03.160 I was just like, instead of raining and stuff and just it happened.

00:39:08.420 But I didn't realize that there was an ending.

00:39:10.900 That's beautiful.

00:39:11.760 I just thought you were just doing it.

00:39:13.580 And I was like, OK.

00:39:15.600 Hold on.

00:39:16.260 So so there was no ending for you?

00:39:18.360 No.

00:39:18.860 Wow. 1.00

00:39:19.320 Damn. 0.99

00:39:19.820 Because I didn't even know that was a thing. 0.99

00:39:21.840 Yeah.

00:39:22.160 But like mine was over in seconds.

00:39:24.140 Mine have always.

00:39:24.940 I've ended.

00:39:25.360 I end sex early. 0.90

00:39:26.680 You tap out. 0.76

00:39:27.860 I am not.

00:39:28.680 Yeah.

00:39:28.880 People do.

00:39:29.540 When sex is start breaking a sweat.

00:39:31.100 I'm like, how would you ever break a sweat, dude? 0.50

00:39:34.980 I can start a TV dinner and I am done with sex. 0.99

00:39:38.680 With enough time to fucking be right by the window. 1.00

00:39:41.180 I'd have to have sex with people I didn't fancy just to have long sex. 1.00

00:39:44.200 Oh, wow. 1.00

00:39:45.440 Now we're talking issues.

00:39:47.060 Yeah.

00:39:47.500 That was an Irish thing, too.

00:39:48.680 You'd fantasize. 1.00

00:39:49.780 You'd have sex with your bed. 1.00

00:39:51.400 But you wouldn't fantasize about the hottest girl is the girl that you would have sex with 1.00

00:39:55.820 if no one found out.

00:39:57.080 Oh.

00:39:58.280 So how old were you?

00:40:00.200 I was, I think, maybe I want to say maybe 15 or something behind a bowling alley in our

00:40:05.540 town.

00:40:06.840 And you could hear the pins going down inside, you know, give me power.

00:40:11.040 I felt like it did anyway.

00:40:12.440 You know, just hearing, you know, like people in there just, yes, you know.

00:40:17.260 Here's a question for you.

00:40:19.120 And people started throwing rocks at us as well.

00:40:21.320 Just like in the Gaza Strip.

00:40:23.300 Or like in the Middle East.

00:40:25.480 And I was just doing what I could, man. 0.77

00:40:27.780 So they started throwing rocks at you because they knew that you were having sex? 1.00

00:40:31.240 Yeah, I think they were.

00:40:32.180 Or were these your friends that were throwing the rocks at you?

00:40:33.300 Yeah, they were excited or they were trying to, you know, cause mayhem or something, you

00:40:37.700 know, or just be a part of it.

00:40:38.880 I think they were jealous.

00:40:40.100 It's like, I can't be there with this rock well and they would throw a rock over.

00:40:43.000 Okay, so here's a question for you.

00:40:44.320 It's weird kids. 0.93

00:40:44.920 Can you remember the third person that you had sex with?

00:40:49.000 Can't remember the second.

00:40:49.940 No, cause I remember the second, but I don't know her name.

00:40:53.820 Oh, I heard. 0.73

00:40:54.960 Second or, okay, second person you had sex with. 0.68

00:40:58.620 I have no idea. 0.58

00:40:59.780 That's weird, isn't it?

00:41:00.760 Yeah, that is weird, isn't it?

00:41:01.960 Yeah.

00:41:02.200 It blacks out. 1.00

00:41:02.900 Yeah.

00:41:03.600 And then third is just like, what?

00:41:05.840 Could be anyone.

00:41:06.600 Yeah.

00:41:07.000 I haven't reached the third person yet.

00:41:08.380 Yeah.

00:41:08.700 They could walk up right now and I'd have no idea.

00:41:11.320 Yes.

00:41:11.780 At least I'm very pleased to meet you.

00:41:13.900 Oh, we've met before.

00:41:16.080 Oh, yeah.

00:41:17.160 Have you ever spoke to your first since?

00:41:19.840 No, but I put a name, I've put her name in a song of mine and perhaps I shouldn't have

00:41:28.380 done that because she'll be a mom. 1.00

00:41:31.160 Oh, yeah.

00:41:31.800 You know. 1.00

00:41:33.200 You're like your dirty swag. 1.00

00:41:34.220 I think it's some, I think it depends on the woman. 1.00

00:41:36.400 Some women don't mind if you kind of idolize moments like that or not idolize, but like 1.00

00:41:40.400 put them in the memoriams or whatever, you know, I feel like, like Debra.

00:41:46.760 Both.

00:41:47.420 I lost my virginity to Debra. 0.99

00:41:51.980 She's in the vicinity, it's Debra. 0.77

00:41:55.740 There we go.

00:41:56.660 Was it Debra that was?

00:41:58.240 No, no, it wasn't Debra, man.

00:42:00.420 Debra was willing though, I knew that.

00:42:02.420 Debra is always willing.

00:42:03.600 Is Debra a name in your country?

00:42:05.340 Oh, yeah.

00:42:05.660 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:42:06.220 Oh, yeah. 0.97

00:42:06.680 I did have sex with one of the first few was Debra. 1.00

00:42:09.380 Damn. 1.00

00:42:09.780 That's unbelievable, man. 1.00

00:42:12.320 This guy's shocking, dude.

00:42:14.260 This guy's like a halfway house for your time. 0.93

00:42:17.100 Okay.

00:42:17.480 I feel like.

00:42:18.180 Question.

00:42:19.160 Have you been close to having a committed relationship with somebody?

00:42:26.420 No.

00:42:27.440 Never?

00:42:28.180 I've been in some, but I've just always been like cheating or running around.

00:42:31.920 I just think there's some, I have some like complete agitation towards like anything,

00:42:38.700 I don't want to say owning me, but I think things like that feel like they own me, like

00:42:44.420 a relationship or anything saying this is mine.

00:42:47.080 So now you're a sober person.

00:42:49.180 Yeah.

00:42:49.420 Would you do the same thing?

00:42:52.640 Would you cheat on somebody being the Theo that you are now at 41 years old?

00:42:58.820 Well, I think that's why for the past, like I haven't gotten in a relationship in a long

00:43:03.320 time, you know, and now it's been about four years, but because I got to do some work in

00:43:09.220 some of that space, you know, I'm trying to work in SLAA right now.

00:43:12.980 And you just, even just like little things like go two weeks without interacting with

00:43:18.780 texting anything with women, you know, just little things like that to try and like just

00:43:24.160 get on your own two feet, you know, just so I'm not using interactions with women as an 1.00

00:43:28.960 outlet for like uncomfort.

00:43:31.240 That's what I do.

00:43:32.120 I get a little uncomfortable and then it's like, Oh, maybe set up a date sometimes.

00:43:36.860 So I want to have things be more meaningful.

00:43:38.820 So, and I'm going through my steps again right now, so I've had some slips over the pandemic.

00:43:43.580 Yeah, me too.

00:43:44.380 Oh, right.

00:43:44.960 Yeah.

00:43:45.140 Not over the pandemic, but in general, have you come close to being with somebody that

00:43:49.800 you just think is, she's amazing.

00:43:53.520 There was a girl I was seeing that was really great.

00:43:57.540 And I think now when I think about her, it makes me feel kind of sad because I wasn't,

00:44:00.980 I didn't really meet her halfway, you know, and cause then I feel bad cause I kind of

00:44:04.320 monopolize their time, you know, that's what I feel the worst about.

00:44:07.680 I think sometimes you monopolize their time, how by like knowing I wasn't really ready

00:44:12.460 to have a strong commitment, but letting them believe that I was, you know, uh, and

00:44:18.360 how long ago is that?

00:44:19.820 It was probably the last relationship I was in.

00:44:21.820 It's honestly been all of them really, but I think it hurts more the older we get because

00:44:26.380 it's like, you know, people's time is more precious to them.

00:44:28.860 Uh, and also, you know, you think that you're going to have this all sorted, uh, uh, in

00:44:35.860 the near future.

00:44:37.000 Yeah.

00:44:37.300 And then you walk through the horizon and you're 41 and it's not sorted and it's still

00:44:43.040 the problem that it was when you were 24.

00:44:45.820 Yeah.

00:44:46.040 It's a little better.

00:44:46.780 When I look at Mark, it's almost like, you know, like in, uh, the movie where the Christmas

00:44:50.420 movie, where they go look in the window and they see the past.

00:44:52.460 Yeah.

00:44:53.000 So that's where I was kind of.

00:44:55.040 Happy?

00:44:55.560 So progress.

00:44:57.020 Happy in a loop.

00:44:57.820 So there's been some progress, but it's just a, it's got, it's a little bit of stagnation,

00:45:01.660 but you're right.

00:45:02.440 It's like, yeah, I thought things would be different where I'm at and I'm not.

00:45:05.020 So you basically have to give the booze up when it comes to sex.

00:45:08.580 You basically have to do the same thing that you did with booze and drugs, but also with

00:45:13.560 sex and the flirting and the, and I don't know how you deal with social media because I met

00:45:19.400 my wife before Instagram.

00:45:21.020 I met my wife before Facebook.

00:45:23.060 I met my wife before Tik TOK and all of those things.

00:45:26.720 But like, if I'd have been around then, that would have been an extra thing that I have

00:45:32.320 to unaddict myself from.

00:45:35.720 Yeah.

00:45:36.480 That's the thing.

00:45:37.100 There's so much.

00:45:38.520 Yeah.

00:45:39.480 It's unreal.

00:45:40.280 You think, oh, I really like this girl.

00:45:41.920 And then just the most unbelievable girl would be like, Hey, what are you up to?

00:45:46.520 Yeah.

00:45:46.920 I'll be driving home trying to get home and Mark will send me some images of some girl.

00:45:50.300 What about, you know, Donna's going to be there.

00:45:52.300 And I'm like, you know, I just, I can't, I, I, I live vicariously through, through Mark.

00:45:58.960 I do do this.

00:45:59.760 And I'm like, this one.

00:46:00.760 And I'm like, whoa.

00:46:02.620 And he's like, this one.

00:46:05.220 It's, it's, it's mental.

00:46:07.120 It's mental. 1.00

00:46:07.860 He's mental. 0.98

00:46:08.820 I live vicariously through him.

00:46:10.060 And the cops even show up vicariously sometimes.

00:46:12.140 It's like even an interest in my visions.

00:46:14.440 But it is tough.

00:46:15.160 You were saying something there.

00:46:16.000 You're like, oh, you think it's going to be different soon.

00:46:18.840 That's funny.

00:46:19.440 Cause I always think that too.

00:46:20.940 What?

00:46:21.260 Yeah.

00:46:21.600 When you're walking through the horizon, you will find yourself in the place that you are.

00:46:25.700 Yeah.

00:46:25.760 Yeah.

00:46:25.860 I'd be like, oh, give it a six months and then I'll be ready for it.

00:46:28.900 Yeah.

00:46:29.200 And then it's two years later.

00:46:30.200 You're like, well, I'm still having fun.

00:46:31.980 Yeah.

00:46:32.340 Yeah.

00:46:32.620 Still having fun.

00:46:33.620 The fun one.

00:46:34.260 And now, especially in LA, the fun is all that there's always the possibility.

00:46:38.360 Like you can, you're going to ask to be the bachelor.

00:46:40.700 Yeah.

00:46:41.140 Yeah.

00:46:42.780 And so even if you don't, you turn them down, you walk down the street thinking, I'm a bachelor.

00:46:47.400 I got it.

00:46:48.420 Somebody wants me to be a bachelor.

00:46:49.840 You go home, you leave your family and you're the bachelor.

00:46:54.180 But it's true.

00:46:55.000 It's just, it's always that temptation out here.

00:46:56.940 There's this weird thing.

00:46:57.980 And you can just, you could be at the cleaners here and see like a beauty, you know, it's like.

00:47:02.240 It's, it's, it's never ending.

00:47:04.640 What they called the, you've got to catch them all.

00:47:06.400 You've got to get them all.

00:47:07.140 What they call the Pokemon.

00:47:08.420 Pokemon.

00:47:09.100 You've got to get them all.

00:47:10.320 Yeah.

00:47:10.700 That's it.

00:47:11.120 And it's like, I'll think I like a girl sometimes and I'll be like, oh, I should text her. 0.98

00:47:14.820 And I swear to God, I'll just be like, shit, what's her name? 0.99

00:47:18.200 And I'll just be like, let's begin with C, D. 0.99

00:47:22.340 And then in my head, I'm like, come on, I really like this girl.

00:47:30.040 And then someone else will text me and I'll be like,

00:47:32.080 okay, it's, it's you.

00:47:34.680 Yeah.

00:47:35.040 That is, that is a prison to find yourself in.

00:47:37.560 Yeah.

00:47:37.860 Is it a prison or an open field?

00:47:39.980 Well, it's an open prison.

00:47:41.420 It's an open prison that you can, you can leave at any time.

00:47:45.740 But it's, you know, if you know that you are going to fall in love or fall in lust with absolutely everything at any given time,

00:47:56.220 it kind of, it kind of makes sense that you go, oh, well, that's me.

00:48:00.060 And this is what's happening.

00:48:02.000 I just don't, I don't do anything about it.

00:48:05.480 Yeah.

00:48:05.860 That's kind of where I find myself a little time.

00:48:07.860 It's like, or that's where I'm wondering if that's where I'm at.

00:48:11.000 Like, yeah, because I just don't, you think things will be different.

00:48:13.640 Like you're saying in a few years, I'll get there.

00:48:15.220 Something will be, and then you get there and you're like, oh, and I don't, I'm not a big run around or anything.

00:48:19.960 Even I just noticed that I give into like little things of, of affection, attention, just little things like that,

00:48:25.820 that I don't want to, I just don't want the same thing.

00:48:29.440 I want to see if there's a different possibility, you know, cause even it just like, you know, flirting with the girl or, uh, I'll feel uncomfortable.

00:48:37.380 I'll feel like I had a bad, I'll set up a date, you know, let me go on a date.

00:48:40.060 That'll help, you know, like, um, so I just want to, but I'm not, I find myself in spaces where I'm not making myself really available.

00:48:47.880 You know, if that makes sense, because I'm just, my, the reasons I'm doing stuff aren't motivated always from a place of like, uh, maybe this is what's from love or anything like that.

00:49:03.160 They're just kind of motivated from a place of like, um, what feels kind of comfortable.

00:49:09.900 What would be fun?

00:49:11.100 You know, and sometimes it's just fun.

00:49:12.360 I met my missus when I'd retired because like things got really sort of, was it dicey out there for you?

00:49:18.700 Mentally just completely ill and just like, well, it's my career that's doing this.

00:49:23.720 So I might as well not do my career.

00:49:25.960 Yeah.

00:49:26.240 What would you retire from what?

00:49:27.280 From the famous, from the singing.

00:49:30.520 No, no, no.

00:49:31.140 From the singing.

00:49:31.780 Oh, right.

00:49:32.260 Yeah.

00:49:32.480 Yeah.

00:49:32.680 From the singing.

00:49:33.460 So like I was really, I was retired and then I met my missus and we just had three years with her of not going out.

00:49:41.700 Wow.

00:49:42.180 Oh, really?

00:49:42.640 Yeah.

00:49:42.960 So we were just at the house and it just cemented this thing.

00:49:46.760 And then I realized that I need purpose and I'm ambitious and I need to go out and do things.

00:49:52.560 So I unretired and went out into the world.

00:49:55.280 But now I'd cemented this relationship with this person and I went back out into the world and I was like, oh, I can't do the things that I used to do.

00:50:04.800 So how do you, you, you, you clue in quite quickly.

00:50:08.400 Really?

00:50:08.620 It's like, okay, so I'm not flirting.

00:50:10.820 Right.

00:50:11.100 I'm not going to the club.

00:50:12.840 Yeah.

00:50:13.180 I'm not going to the pub.

00:50:16.700 And I have to un, I have to un everything that I used to un.

00:50:22.220 Oh, yeah.

00:50:23.020 And I, I did it. 0.99

00:50:25.740 Fucking did it. 0.99

00:50:26.920 And if I can do it, anybody, well, not you. 0.99

00:50:31.000 But if I can do it, anybody can do it.

00:50:33.540 No, I like hearing it.

00:50:34.360 I appreciate you kind of sharing some of that, man.

00:50:36.200 Because, yeah, I think that's just kind of where I'm finding myself, you know.

00:50:38.940 And I'm not, and part of me I'm kind of excited about.

00:50:41.560 I had like five days where I didn't have any interaction with anyone and I was doing real good.

00:50:46.840 And I started to feel like a good relationship with my higher power.

00:50:50.540 I was like, really like, oh, man.

00:50:52.320 I had a little bit more time.

00:50:53.720 I was looking at my place like, oh, maybe I'd like to do an art or something, you know.

00:50:57.400 Like, or get a candle or something, you know.

00:51:01.060 Because, like, everything in my house is the previous owners.

00:51:03.940 It's like, it's all like their stuff, you know.

00:51:05.900 Like, there's pictures of Eric's family in the bathroom.

00:51:08.580 It's just, I guess.

00:51:09.420 But don't you also think that when I get a missus, she'll do all of that stuff? 0.76

00:51:13.880 Yeah, yeah.

00:51:14.440 Yeah, but I don't want to just hurry a missus in just to get, you know, a love scene. 1.00

00:51:18.100 Well, you're 41, you're hurrying, nothing. 0.90

00:51:19.880 Yeah?

00:51:20.660 You think?

00:51:21.580 Yeah.

00:51:22.420 Oh, yeah, that's true, huh?

00:51:23.520 Yeah.

00:51:23.920 But women complain about that about guys in LA. 1.00

00:51:26.820 They'll be like, I'm not ready to settle down.

00:51:28.660 And there's 57.

00:51:30.720 Oh, yeah, that's great.

00:51:32.100 See, I don't want to be that guy.

00:51:33.200 Yeah.

00:51:33.480 I want to get some, I want to at least get in a place now where I can at least try, I

00:51:37.300 think, to have a relationship that was real.

00:51:38.760 Also, I'm getting big vibes that you'd be an ace, Dad.

00:51:42.240 Oh, thanks, man.

00:51:43.220 Thank you.

00:51:43.840 Yeah.

00:51:44.120 No, not you.

00:51:46.240 No, I'm getting, like, big vibes that you'd be an awesome daddy.

00:51:50.160 Oh, thanks, Dad.

00:51:51.000 Yeah.

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00:55:41.000 Yeah, I could think I could be a good dad, dude.

00:55:43.920 You know, I think some of it would be a little dicey, bro.

00:55:48.340 You know?

00:55:48.880 But you must have thought that.

00:55:50.000 If there's kids at your house.

00:55:51.280 Well, then I'd be a good dad.

00:55:51.660 No, no, not that. 0.99

00:55:52.500 It would be dicey as fuck. 0.99

00:55:53.980 What, for him to be a dad? 0.99

00:55:55.460 Oh, for you.

00:55:56.280 Yeah, yeah.

00:55:56.860 Oh, yeah.

00:55:57.900 Yeah.

00:55:58.280 Absolutely.

00:55:59.000 Like, I'm an agoraphobic that can't look after himself.

00:56:03.940 I'm depressed.

00:56:05.860 Yeah.

00:56:06.080 And I'm full of anxiety.

00:56:08.640 What have I got to offer?

00:56:10.720 Yeah.

00:56:11.100 That's, you know, it's like I wasn't going to get married and I wasn't going to have kids

00:56:15.220 just because of the nothingness that I had to offer the world where those points exist.

00:56:23.580 And now I've got four kids and it's true.

00:56:25.820 I have nothing to offer.

00:56:29.640 But your kids, you could put them in another wing of the house, man.

00:56:32.520 You could put a kid in a room until he's six.

00:56:35.380 You know, I still feel that way about the kids.

00:56:38.600 You know, it's like I'm like sporadic dad.

00:56:43.560 Yeah.

00:56:43.980 I'm in.

00:56:44.660 I'm in.

00:56:45.380 I'm in.

00:56:46.360 I'm watching the football and doing art and writing songs.

00:56:51.780 And I'm in.

00:56:54.240 Like, you know, I am sporadic.

00:56:57.060 Also, you know, that was another thing about kids is that if I'm agoraphobic, if I have children,

00:57:03.040 it will mean that I have to leave the house.

00:57:06.120 The kids will smoke me out of the house.

00:57:08.600 Did it work?

00:57:10.140 Not really.

00:57:11.020 No.

00:57:13.560 But like, I feel that everyone doesn't think they can be a dad and then it just happens.

00:57:17.520 Do you think?

00:57:18.180 But that's bad that when it happens that way, I think it's not really the best way, you know?

00:57:21.800 Yeah.

00:57:22.380 Like, yeah.

00:57:25.080 Mark is unbelievable.

00:57:25.960 I can't even believe I'm sitting here with him.

00:57:27.500 But I'm sorry.

00:57:29.700 Sorry.

00:57:30.120 Yeah.

00:57:31.140 This guy is just one of a kind, man.

00:57:33.200 There's just really nobody like this guy.

00:57:34.200 I remember you told me before, you were like, you were saying something, you were describing

00:57:37.460 a bad guy.

00:57:38.520 And then you were like, you're that guy.

00:57:40.560 And I was like, wait, wait, no, no, no, no.

00:57:45.020 Take that back.

00:57:46.100 And you're like, no, no.

00:57:47.200 I was describing him to say you're that guy.

00:57:49.900 And I was like, no.

00:57:51.040 But I do think it is like, oh, I might be that guy now, but three years.

00:57:55.580 Do you think you could ever get to a place where you could?

00:57:58.680 Oh, yeah.

00:57:58.920 I think it is.

00:57:59.680 Really?

00:58:00.300 Yeah.

00:58:00.620 But I think now Rob has made me realize, oh, think away.

00:58:04.400 Yeah. 0.92

00:58:04.940 And then you die. 0.92

00:58:07.000 Yeah. 0.92

00:58:07.720 Yeah.

00:58:08.120 Because you're not there.

00:58:10.020 Yeah.

00:58:10.500 I know.

00:58:10.920 Yeah.

00:58:11.300 You're like wrongs away from that.

00:58:14.100 Yeah.

00:58:14.480 This ain't even a great spot.

00:58:16.280 So you better get over here pretty quick.

00:58:18.740 But then Mark's the guy you go to if you want to know what's going on, what's fun.

00:58:21.940 You know, he like is always kind of keen to like what's good out there, you know?

00:58:25.860 I'm a fun guy.

00:58:26.660 Yeah.

00:58:27.300 Yeah.

00:58:27.740 Do they have like a lot of, I feel like in England and in the UK, that's all of you guys,

00:58:33.600 right?

00:58:34.240 That they have more superstition than they do over in America.

00:58:38.100 Oh, yeah.

00:58:38.300 I think so.

00:58:38.900 Is that true, you think?

00:58:40.060 Well, I think anxiety in Ireland just comes from your mom.

00:58:43.760 Mm-hmm.

00:58:44.300 She'd be like, don't touch chicken ever. 0.99

00:58:46.240 You'll get salmonella.

00:58:47.060 You'll die.

00:58:47.880 Yeah. 0.91

00:58:48.140 And every time now I'm near a chicken, I'm like, I hear my mom's voice.

00:58:51.940 Or like prayers, capitalism, catalogs, or whatever.

00:58:56.100 Yeah.

00:58:56.440 What we are.

00:58:57.280 Yeah.

00:58:58.060 Catalogs.

00:58:59.060 We're like laps catalogs.

00:59:00.860 Yeah, we're catalogs.

00:59:01.740 Yeah, we're catalogs.

00:59:02.120 It's insane though, because you'd be like, don't do that, don't do that.

00:59:04.820 Wooden Christian. 0.82

00:59:05.900 Don't do that, don't do that. 1.00

00:59:07.320 You're like, what the fuck should I do? 0.98

00:59:08.740 That's where my sweating comes in. 0.99

00:59:10.540 Oh, you're sweating always.

00:59:11.920 And it's weird too, like in Ireland, if I told my friends I went on a date with a girl, 0.83

00:59:15.160 they'd be like, that's gay. 0.86

00:59:16.320 Oh, yeah. 0.91

00:59:16.840 Yeah.

00:59:17.280 And people die in Ireland all the time from coughing and everything, huh?

00:59:20.620 You always see that in the movies.

00:59:22.720 People dying from like.

00:59:24.300 You're watching movies from the 1800s.

00:59:26.200 Yeah, yeah.

00:59:27.120 Well.

00:59:29.420 Whatever, man.

00:59:30.560 Yeah, that's exactly how it is.

00:59:32.900 That's slow cable, mate.

00:59:33.960 Yeah.

00:59:34.120 We got some.

00:59:34.900 Pleurisy.

00:59:35.300 Yeah, yeah, really.

00:59:36.620 What's that movie with Tom Cruise?

00:59:38.380 Far and away.

00:59:39.280 He takes his bottom day, Ireland. 0.56

00:59:40.800 I just see a lot of people coughing and not doing well.

00:59:45.120 Still dealing with the Spanish flu.

00:59:47.760 He thinks people in Ireland are coughing and doing napkins.

00:59:50.960 With blood on it.

00:59:54.240 Have you left America much?

00:59:57.100 Yeah, yeah.

00:59:57.660 We did some shows in the UK last year, two years ago.

01:00:01.080 How did they go?

01:00:01.940 They did well.

01:00:03.160 We did Manchester, London, Glasgow.

01:00:09.000 So you think Glasgow is that?

01:00:11.420 Yeah.

01:00:11.560 Shout out Glasgow.

01:00:12.740 Yeah.

01:00:13.280 Glasgow.

01:00:15.100 Somewhere else, brother.

01:00:16.980 Stockholm.

01:00:17.780 Somewhere else.

01:00:18.760 Stockholm.

01:00:19.560 Stockholm.

01:00:21.200 Stockholm.

01:00:21.840 Sweden.

01:00:22.440 Lovely.

01:00:23.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

01:00:24.320 So it was fun, man.

01:00:25.720 I really liked it.

01:00:26.540 It was, I think, during.

01:00:28.240 I don't know if it was winter or if it was like at the beginning of the pandemic.

01:00:30.900 I don't know what was going on.

01:00:32.520 But it was kind of a quiet time.

01:00:34.340 But.

01:00:35.660 Durban, I think.

01:00:36.200 What was the.

01:00:36.780 What was the.

01:00:38.400 Durban.

01:00:38.760 Durban's like South Africa.

01:00:41.900 That's Australia, isn't it?

01:00:43.080 I don't know where you went.

01:00:43.900 No, Durban.

01:00:45.300 This is about.

01:00:45.900 Yeah, this is a different time.

01:00:48.540 So what did.

01:00:49.120 What was this?

01:00:49.940 The.

01:00:51.880 Superstitions.

01:00:52.640 Superstitions.

01:00:53.080 Yeah. 0.99

01:00:53.200 Oh, well, like in Ireland, here's a dumb one. 0.99

01:00:56.860 Touch wood. 1.00

01:00:57.380 All right.

01:00:57.860 Touch wood.

01:00:58.680 And then I saw a guy after a soccer game one time and he was like this.

01:01:03.580 Yeah, that's OCD though.

01:01:04.780 Yeah.

01:01:05.300 No, but he goes, why is that?

01:01:06.540 You're like, I'm blessed.

01:01:07.300 I'm saying Hail Mary, full of greys, our father. 1.00

01:01:11.100 And I was like, that's so dumb. 0.99

01:01:13.540 The next time with a big exam. 0.99

01:01:14.980 I swear I was like this.

01:01:17.120 Hail Mary.

01:01:20.000 But that's OCD.

01:01:22.060 But y'all got more ghosts.

01:01:23.360 Y'all got more older stuff over there.

01:01:24.980 I'm saying because of time and everything.

01:01:26.580 You guys have a lot more ghosts over there.

01:01:28.320 No.

01:01:28.780 Oh, yeah.

01:01:29.600 You are closer to the woo woo in Los Angeles than you are in England.

01:01:35.380 It is so more paranormal and weird and UFO.

01:01:40.720 Yeah.

01:01:41.340 We actually got a question.

01:01:42.380 I forgot about this.

01:01:43.260 It came in right here.

01:01:43.980 Hey, Theo.

01:01:45.680 My name's Gabby.

01:01:46.500 I'm from New Zealand.

01:01:47.820 Big fan of yours.

01:01:49.760 Actually managed to catch a show of yours like in 2017 at the Comedy Store really, really

01:01:56.880 randomly when I was in LA for a week just on holiday.

01:02:00.500 Thank you, Miss.

01:02:01.100 So I was really, really stoked to catch that.

01:02:04.240 Also a big fan of Robbie Williams as well.

01:02:07.240 Not a mark.

01:02:07.660 I do have a question for him.

01:02:10.320 I saw him on the Skinwalker Ranch documentary.

01:02:13.980 I was quite surprised to see him there and I just wondered what sort of interest he had

01:02:19.100 in paranormal experiences or if he's had any alien experiences, anything in that kind

01:02:27.180 of realm I would just be really interested to find.

01:02:29.920 Dark Arts, baby.

01:02:30.840 It's called Space Spirit.

01:02:33.040 Yeah, I've had loads.

01:02:33.680 You've been involved with it.

01:02:34.700 I've had loads of experiences.

01:02:35.940 And more of that's obviously from the UK.

01:02:38.240 No.

01:02:38.800 I just, that's what I find hard to believe, Robbie.

01:02:40.880 Now, listen, I've got a thousand-year-old home in England, right?

01:02:46.120 It used to be-

01:02:47.000 A manor.

01:02:47.820 Yeah.

01:02:48.100 It used to be one of Henry VIII's wives' houses.

01:02:51.440 Oh, yeah.

01:02:52.080 Catherine Park.

01:02:52.920 And I feel closer to the weird here in Los Angeles than I do back home.

01:03:01.440 Something like a transmitter.

01:03:03.280 Lost Angels, Los Angeles.

01:03:05.580 It's a transmitter that turns on when I'm here that I'm, things haven't happened since the

01:03:11.420 kids have been around.

01:03:12.200 But do you want me to tell you my UFO stories?

01:03:14.180 Yeah, if you got something.

01:03:15.760 If you're keen to it, do you know it?

01:03:17.560 I don't know.

01:03:18.060 Probably.

01:03:18.880 So I am- 0.97

01:03:20.160 You need to get abducted.

01:03:21.920 So I am sat on a sun lounger with a girl beside me.

01:03:27.500 So it's over 17 years ago because of the wife.

01:03:29.720 I was going to say over 17 years old because-

01:03:31.920 She was over 17 years old.

01:03:33.440 We've had some issues in our industry.

01:03:36.180 And I'm looking, we're both looking up at the sky.

01:03:41.580 And all of a sudden, I would say the size of quarter of a football field, your football

01:03:50.860 field, square, matte black, just silently came in, completely sober, silently came in

01:04:01.360 and there was yellow underneath it.

01:04:04.980 And it sort of had like this Artex-ing feel with matte black underneath it.

01:04:12.840 It came in silently and then silently left.

01:04:17.260 And I could have hit it with a tennis ball.

01:04:18.940 No way.

01:04:19.240 Really?

01:04:19.760 Yeah.

01:04:20.520 Jesus.

01:04:21.360 And you saw it?

01:04:23.400 Absolutely positively.

01:04:25.000 Did you feel like then that you got to see something like that because you were famous?

01:04:29.700 Did that ever cross your mind?

01:04:31.020 Like, is there a reason why I get to see this?

01:04:33.020 Is it like, is the other side trying to communicate with me?

01:04:36.900 Well, yeah, there is because of narcissism.

01:04:39.620 Yes, there is.

01:04:40.860 There is.

01:04:41.760 There is that.

01:04:43.140 Yeah, but there's so many thoughts.

01:04:44.780 That's one of them.

01:04:46.300 But I also thought, oh, that's ours.

01:04:49.760 I didn't think it was aliens from a different planet.

01:04:53.220 That's huge.

01:04:53.960 I, inside me just went, there's some exotic technology that we're not supposed to have

01:05:01.080 that we do have, but it's ours.

01:05:03.720 I didn't feel as though it was little green men from outer space.

01:05:06.560 Wow.

01:05:06.960 And that was in the UK?

01:05:08.640 No, it was here.

01:05:09.560 Oh.

01:05:10.340 The other one is, I wrote this song about alien abduction called Arizona.

01:05:14.800 It's not one of my best songs.

01:05:16.940 It's a B-side.

01:05:17.560 But I'm sort of like listening to it in the studio and smoking a cigarette, overlooking

01:05:24.280 the San Fernando Valley.

01:05:26.480 And you whittle, you whittle at lyrics to get them right as best as possible.

01:05:33.340 And Arizona comes on and this gold ball appears in the sky over the San Fernando Valley.

01:05:39.500 And I'm like, nice try, Venus.

01:05:42.180 I know that's Venus.

01:05:43.980 You're not going to fool me.

01:05:45.040 I'm not going to be like one of those, woo, UFO people.

01:05:48.580 And then I thought it was Venus during the day.

01:05:50.820 Oh, yeah.

01:05:51.520 Arizona, the song ends, the gold ball blinks out.

01:05:56.560 And I'm like, interesting.

01:05:58.380 Put the song on again.

01:05:59.740 So they put the song on again and the gold ball comes back.

01:06:02.640 Song's about alien abduction.

01:06:04.240 And I'm like, now you've got my attention.

01:06:06.500 Song ends and the gold ball beeps out again.

01:06:10.460 I'm like, wow, that's a happy coincidence.

01:06:12.940 So I said to the lads, I said, lads, come out and look at this.

01:06:16.520 Put the song on and look over there.

01:06:18.740 Song goes on, ball comes on.

01:06:20.720 Song ends, ball goes out.

01:06:22.560 Wife arrives.

01:06:23.500 Babe, this thing's happened.

01:06:24.640 Come see this.

01:06:25.420 Look over there.

01:06:26.520 Song on, boom, gold ball.

01:06:29.080 Song ends, gold ball comes out.

01:06:31.260 Six times it happens.

01:06:32.160 After the sixth time, me, the wife and my two friends go back into the bedroom where the studio is. 1.00

01:06:39.100 And we go, fuck, what the? 0.99

01:06:41.500 And as we say that, a black strip comes through the door about 20 feet away. 1.00

01:06:47.640 Nuh-uh.

01:06:48.100 Black strip like this, elongates through the middle of us. 0.98

01:06:51.880 Nuh-uh, dog.

01:06:51.900 Really?

01:06:52.620 Elongates through the middle of us, goes to the window, and then follows itself out like that.

01:06:57.460 Oh.

01:06:57.920 What?

01:06:58.600 Yeah.

01:06:59.260 Jesus.

01:06:59.860 What the?

01:07:01.200 Yeah, listen, I've got loads and loads and loads of them.

01:07:04.040 Why not?

01:07:04.580 That's too many already, man.

01:07:06.400 Yeah, I've got.

01:07:06.980 That's a lot.

01:07:08.220 Yeah, I've got loads of them.

01:07:10.780 Wow.

01:07:11.340 Yeah, so there's.

01:07:12.240 Did you feel like if, okay, so that instance, did you feel like that was like a human, like a person?

01:07:19.900 Did you feel like that was related to any territory or?

01:07:22.900 I, if I was guessing, what I think that might be or might not be is interdimensional.

01:07:29.820 Yeah.

01:07:30.820 Or, you know, or a figment of all our imaginations.

01:07:36.100 Everything's on the table.

01:07:37.320 Nothing's off the table.

01:07:38.560 Could it be duct tape between different realms or something?

01:07:40.900 Maybe.

01:07:41.120 You know what I'm saying?

01:07:41.440 You don't know some of the things that are holding together the realms.

01:07:43.740 It was exactly like, you know, duct tape.

01:07:46.120 Yeah.

01:07:46.320 Really?

01:07:46.520 It came through the room and then went and followed itself out of the window. 1.00

01:07:49.740 Damn. 0.99

01:07:50.360 Yeah. 0.99

01:07:51.080 I could see something like that in the few, 200 years from now, you order duct tape into the room.

01:07:55.860 It just slips in.

01:07:56.780 And it shows up, you know?

01:07:57.980 Do you know what Skinwalker Ranch is?

01:07:59.800 Uh-uh.

01:08:00.300 Okay.

01:08:01.440 Google Skinwalker Ranch and check that out.

01:08:03.680 That's what the nice lady was talking about. 1.00

01:08:05.880 I'm on a documentary about this ranch in Utah.

01:08:09.800 I think it is, where things happen.

01:08:14.740 Really? 1.00

01:08:16.780 Damn, that's a dark artist. 1.00

01:08:18.220 There's Post Malone out there. 1.00

01:08:18.300 There's Post Malone.

01:08:19.200 It's Skinwalker Ranch.

01:08:21.140 Who's some of my favorite British people?

01:08:23.320 James Blake.

01:08:24.720 Yeah.

01:08:25.380 Yeah.

01:08:25.660 Is that just, just a, just, that's just a random, James Blake's a nice English person.

01:08:34.820 Yeah.

01:08:35.420 I love him.

01:08:36.740 Who else do I think is great?

01:08:39.580 Oh, I know who.

01:08:41.080 Darren Till.

01:08:42.220 Who's that?

01:08:43.220 Darren Till, fighter.

01:08:45.080 Oh, is he a fighter?

01:08:46.020 Yeah.

01:08:46.620 Big fan of his.

01:08:47.980 Yeah.

01:08:48.140 Um, I don't know that many others, actually.

01:08:53.060 Is that it?

01:08:53.660 The Beatles?

01:08:54.460 You.

01:08:54.980 Yeah, the Beatles, but.

01:08:56.220 You.

01:08:57.520 I'm not that big on them.

01:08:58.880 You too?

01:08:59.760 Uh, you too is okay.

01:09:01.440 Yeah?

01:09:01.960 You too is okay.

01:09:02.760 The Rolling Stones?

01:09:03.780 Yeah, Rolling Stones.

01:09:05.120 Rolling Stones.

01:09:05.920 Yeah.

01:09:06.560 Who else?

01:09:06.960 Black Coffee in Bed.

01:09:07.860 Have you heard that song?

01:09:09.200 No.

01:09:09.960 This feels like an alien experience.

01:09:11.720 What else?

01:09:14.500 I'm trying to think of things that are British, because we didn't have a lot of, when we were

01:09:17.580 growing up, they didn't even have a lot of, like, I remember the map in our town, Canada,

01:09:21.720 they didn't even say Canada on it, it said, like, it had a picture of a wolf attacking

01:09:25.280 a boy in a coat, you know?

01:09:27.120 And that was the whole thing for Canada, you know?

01:09:29.880 If we, if we had a map here, could you, could you point to England, do you think?

01:09:33.720 No, I know I couldn't point to England.

01:09:34.800 I can point to the area that it's in, though.

01:09:37.500 Could you point to Hawaii?

01:09:39.500 Yep.

01:09:40.300 Could you point to Montana?

01:09:42.380 Nope.

01:09:43.580 See, I can point to Montana.

01:09:44.880 Could you point to Florida?

01:09:46.400 Yes.

01:09:47.340 Where are you from?

01:09:48.080 Florida's easy, because I'm from Louisiana.

01:09:49.720 Okay.

01:09:50.300 So Florida was, like, our main, Florida was, like, the main place you even went.

01:09:54.040 Like, if you saw somebody, I remember when I was a kid, if you saw somebody, their shirts 0.98

01:09:56.480 have Florida on it, you were like, damn, dude. 0.99

01:09:59.280 Those people are travelers. 0.99

01:10:00.220 What about, what about Rhode Island?

01:10:02.280 Could you?

01:10:03.160 No.

01:10:03.640 I could find that.

01:10:04.480 Nobody could find that.

01:10:05.560 I could. 0.99

01:10:06.080 It's the clitoris of America. 0.99

01:10:09.260 Isn't it the smallest state? 0.99

01:10:12.140 Yeah.

01:10:12.920 Yeah.

01:10:13.560 You're welcome.

01:10:14.220 It could be.

01:10:15.000 Well, it'll get taken over soon.

01:10:17.520 I'm sure it'll get taken over soon.

01:10:20.580 What else do we have?

01:10:21.520 Let's get another good question that came in here for the gents, eh?

01:10:23.800 Oh, I'll double you.

01:10:31.000 What's up, Theo and Robbie?

01:10:32.600 First of all, hope yous are doing well.

01:10:35.080 Secondly, I am right now stuck in quarantine for two weeks, because Australia does that to

01:10:40.300 you.

01:10:40.800 I'm at our willing land.

01:10:41.900 Yes, Theo, you've got to come do a flip off this rant back here.

01:10:44.820 So do you, Robbie, actually.

01:10:46.220 My mum would be stoked.

01:10:47.260 But my question is, when do you think the world is going to be back to normal?

01:10:51.900 And do you think it is?

01:10:53.660 And if yes, how long do you think it's going to take?

01:10:55.960 Love yous all.

01:10:56.680 Gang, gang.

01:10:57.680 I love him.

01:10:58.680 I love him, by the way.

01:11:00.580 Yeah.

01:11:01.200 Yeah.

01:11:02.220 Oh, Willie.

01:11:03.060 Yeah.

01:11:03.480 Yeah.

01:11:03.860 Yeah.

01:11:04.280 I'm a big fan.

01:11:05.400 People love him.

01:11:06.360 Yeah.

01:11:06.680 He's easy to love.

01:11:07.580 He is.

01:11:08.060 He's a dude.

01:11:09.220 I mean, I've never met him, but you can just tell that he's the nicest person ever.

01:11:12.580 He's a great dude.

01:11:13.040 He came on here.

01:11:15.180 He was on here once.

01:11:16.460 So was Chris Hansen, who you mentioned earlier, was on here once.

01:11:18.820 Oh, really?

01:11:19.420 I guess we've had an interesting group.

01:11:21.320 Mark.

01:11:22.820 Man.

01:11:23.340 We've done it all.

01:11:24.880 Yes.

01:11:25.060 Yesterday year.

01:11:25.660 It's probably the best podcast.

01:11:26.480 So the question is, when do we think this is going to be over?

01:11:28.800 Are you shocked at how much, like, because we've already given two years of our life to

01:11:32.800 this thing.

01:11:33.600 Has it been two?

01:11:34.580 It's fun.

01:11:35.200 It's been a long time, man.

01:11:37.180 Imagine people. 0.99

01:11:38.040 This is shit that breaks apart when you think of people that was like, you know, trying to maybe 0.99

01:11:42.140 women that was hoping to have a child and looking to meet someone, and they don't have that 1.00

01:11:46.340 chance now because of, I'm not saying it's not a deadly disease, but it's not this deadly,

01:11:50.980 man.

01:11:51.920 That's my thoughts on it.

01:11:52.920 I mean, I probably shouldn't have brought that into it.

01:11:54.520 But when do you guys think it'll be over?

01:11:55.860 That's more, that's a better.

01:11:57.260 I think, I think every summer we're going to think it's over, and then every winter it's

01:12:03.380 going to come back.

01:12:04.400 And I, every time that I've had a guess at when this is going to be over, I've been completely

01:12:09.740 wrong.

01:12:10.660 So when this started, it was like end of January, February, nearly two years ago.

01:12:15.940 And I was like, this is going to be over by June.

01:12:18.740 And now we are two Christmases nearly into it.

01:12:22.800 And it's still going strong.

01:12:26.180 It's, it's terrifying.

01:12:28.400 You know, it's, it's terrifying for many, many reasons, but like selfishly and personally,

01:12:32.980 I haven't been able to gig, I haven't been able to do a tour, you know, and I, you know,

01:12:40.400 I'm hopefully going to go on tour end of next year, but then you see how the end of this

01:12:46.260 year has gone.

01:12:47.120 Am I going to be able to do that?

01:12:49.560 Am I going to be able to look after my four kids, keep them in the lifestyle that they're

01:12:54.380 accustomed to?

01:12:55.240 Yeah.

01:12:55.680 Who knows?

01:12:57.300 My spidey senses, which was so wrong last time, mine say we've got this for five years.

01:13:05.080 Really?

01:13:05.860 I thought another year, maybe.

01:13:08.060 Well, as you said, I forgot about, yeah, I forgot about like summer seems okay.

01:13:12.440 And then winter is like, oh, it's a new strain.

01:13:14.880 Yeah.

01:13:15.760 But in some parts of the country, it's not, you can go to different parts of America and

01:13:19.700 they're not even doing this.

01:13:21.880 Acknowledging it?

01:13:22.060 Yeah.

01:13:22.460 Really?

01:13:23.620 And they're not, the hospitals aren't filled.

01:13:25.140 So it's definitely interesting how different parts, it's more of a, it's more catered

01:13:31.340 to, you know, it's more, or it's more, there's more preventative measures, I think.

01:13:35.840 Well, there is, you know, there is a topic that it would do us all a great favor if we

01:13:41.880 didn't discuss what we really thought.

01:13:43.580 Yeah.

01:13:45.620 Okay.

01:13:46.180 We'll do that then.

01:13:46.840 It almost sounds like my love life where I'm like, ah, I'll fix it soon.

01:13:52.140 Yeah.

01:13:52.440 And then you're like, ah, there's summer of sex.

01:13:55.900 Yeah.

01:13:56.300 And then the winter of discontent.

01:13:58.400 Yeah.

01:13:58.840 Yeah.

01:13:59.460 Yeah.

01:13:59.480 Yeah.

01:13:59.820 Just staring at the wall.

01:14:00.860 Where are you on the whole, you know, sort of, because you've walked through the horizon.

01:14:07.040 You're past 30 now.

01:14:09.260 You've done a bit of time on the planet.

01:14:11.200 Yeah.

01:14:11.560 Where are you with the, is, is it just like a, an oblique concept that's out here somewhere,

01:14:18.220 the commitment, the settling down, or is it in the forethought, forethought of your mind?

01:14:23.760 It's in, when I'm hung over.

01:14:26.620 So it's something to feel depressed and anxious about.

01:14:29.380 Yeah.

01:14:29.640 I'd be like, oh, that would be nice.

01:14:31.340 It's kind of like the song.

01:14:32.280 When you need love.

01:14:33.240 Yeah.

01:14:33.920 When you need tenderness.

01:14:35.160 And then when the serotonin comes back, I'm like, oh, I'm having a great time.

01:14:38.280 Okay.

01:14:38.700 Yeah.

01:14:39.180 Here's the thing.

01:14:40.320 Do you need to be in a relationship?

01:14:42.260 Do you need to have commitment?

01:14:44.320 Do you need any of that stuff?

01:14:45.440 I don't think so at the moment.

01:14:47.320 But like your moment, you think, you're still, you're still looking out at these eyes that

01:14:52.200 still think they're 19, 20, 21.

01:14:54.260 Yeah.

01:14:54.560 Yeah.

01:14:54.740 Yeah.

01:14:55.000 But they're not.

01:14:55.800 Yeah.

01:14:56.280 I don't think so at the moment.

01:14:58.180 Yeah.

01:14:58.580 It's like you're going to be having a free bus pass pretty soon.

01:15:03.380 Yeah.

01:15:04.120 Do you know what I mean?

01:15:05.040 Yeah.

01:15:05.220 That's true.

01:15:05.620 And, you know, I just don't think so at the moment.

01:15:08.080 Like I'm in a very happy, committed relationship and my life is so much better because of it.

01:15:14.360 I don't want to go anywhere or be with anybody other than my wife.

01:15:17.380 That aside, do you need to be in a relationship?

01:15:20.780 Yeah.

01:15:20.920 Maybe you don't need to.

01:15:21.960 I don't think you need to, man.

01:15:23.280 You're doing well.

01:15:23.820 Do you need to?

01:15:24.460 The ladies like him. 0.59

01:15:24.940 Do you need to?

01:15:25.560 I don't know, man.

01:15:28.120 Maybe you don't.

01:15:28.740 I always have a problem.

01:15:29.660 I just always think something's wrong.

01:15:32.900 You know?

01:15:33.860 I have a lot of whatever that is.

01:15:35.660 Like, oh, I'm always, like, there's always some emotional deficit going on, you know?

01:15:41.480 The dis-ease.

01:15:42.820 Yeah.

01:15:43.220 Oh, yeah.

01:15:43.660 Yeah, I have a constant discomfort.

01:15:47.080 Yeah, I have a constant discomfort.

01:15:49.960 Do you not have a constant discomfort because you booze and you sort of self-medicate?

01:15:55.920 Yeah, yeah.

01:15:56.160 Because, like, I'll have, I'm uncomfortable now.

01:15:58.800 Yeah, like I've got anxiety now.

01:16:00.740 Let me ask you this, right?

01:16:02.420 You don't have a drink for four weeks.

01:16:05.360 What's your mental state like in four weeks' time?

01:16:08.220 Oh, I'm not, I'm just a bit bored, but I also have pain in my lower back.

01:16:13.240 Okay.

01:16:13.960 I quit because.

01:16:14.620 So you're drinking for pain, huh?

01:16:15.820 No, no, no.

01:16:16.460 Oh, you're an American then.

01:16:17.720 The stress.

01:16:18.840 You're in a union.

01:16:19.860 I remember I stopped, like, for four weeks a couple years ago, sober October or something,

01:16:25.540 and I was like, I couldn't lie down.

01:16:27.580 That's your liver, bub.

01:16:28.440 No, the pain in my back just was, like, not.

01:16:31.260 Does your back feel round and it's kind of down over here by the bottom?

01:16:33.840 It was there.

01:16:34.280 Is it here?

01:16:35.000 Yeah.

01:16:35.400 Is it there?

01:16:35.980 Yeah.

01:16:36.280 That's your liver? 0.99

01:16:36.800 That's your liver, man.

01:16:37.500 No, no, no.

01:16:37.980 This is after four weeks.

01:16:39.120 You think you have a soft, brown back?

01:16:40.640 I'm not drinking.

01:16:41.300 Yeah, because it's constantly inflamed, and then you don't drink, so you've got nothing

01:16:49.040 to numb it.

01:16:49.840 You're going to pass a stone.

01:16:50.600 This is a subject we're better off not dying.

01:16:53.120 So it's not there?

01:16:54.240 No, it is, yeah.

01:16:55.300 It's in the bone.

01:16:56.340 Oh, no, no, no.

01:16:56.960 It was, like, in here.

01:16:58.120 You're going to pass a stone one day.

01:16:59.460 That's liver. 1.00

01:17:00.000 Oh, right.

01:17:00.620 But when I was walking to the liquor store. 0.93

01:17:02.220 You're going to piss a crack, Rock, dude.

01:17:03.380 You're going to pass a stone, brother. 0.85

01:17:04.640 The payment away.

01:17:05.640 Yeah.

01:17:06.140 Walking by booze, it disappeared.

01:17:08.540 Speaking of the rolling stones, you're going to roll a couple out of your wiener one day,

01:17:11.260 Bob, from all of that drink specials building up in him.

01:17:14.420 Is that what I'm talking about?

01:17:15.580 Yeah, it's your liver.

01:17:16.480 Yeah, dude.

01:17:17.300 Bro, Mark would be the best thing.

01:17:19.240 Mark would be, like, at the bar, you know, in some of the high tables.

01:17:22.200 He'd put his computer on the table at, like, a nightclub.

01:17:25.280 Get his computer out there just at a nightclub.

01:17:27.380 Get his ear things.

01:17:28.620 And pretend he was a DJ, dude.

01:17:31.620 So all the drunk chicks would come up and talk to him. 1.00

01:17:33.980 He'd be like, yeah, I'll play it in a second. 1.00

01:17:35.360 He's just fucking emailing people. 0.99

01:17:37.540 A nice little tip jar. 0.99

01:17:38.320 Are you writing?

01:17:40.360 Yeah, do a good bit of writing.

01:17:40.880 Are you being creative?

01:17:41.720 What's your outlet apart from – do you have any time outside of podcasting and comedy?

01:17:49.040 Outside of podcasting and comedy, what are your creative outlets or your outlets at all?

01:17:55.220 It probably has been kind of – I think socializing has been one.

01:18:00.980 So that's something I do want to cut back on, which includes, like, dating erroneously.

01:18:05.760 How do you do with socializing?

01:18:08.560 I do okay.

01:18:09.420 I think, fortunately, with stand-up, it builds – a lot of that is built into it.

01:18:13.560 So it's like you almost – I count kind of sometimes stand-up as my socializing because you're at the club.

01:18:19.420 Do you feel – okay, so you feel like your tribe is comedians.

01:18:23.700 So you feel comfortable within that tribe of people?

01:18:27.760 I think so most of the time.

01:18:28.880 Outside of that tribe of people, how are you socially?

01:18:32.400 I like spending time within the recovery room, the recovery group, talking with people like that.

01:18:37.920 I love that kind of stuff.

01:18:40.420 But I need more time for myself.

01:18:42.100 I've got to do some things for myself.

01:18:43.520 I do everything.

01:18:44.240 It's just been work.

01:18:45.620 So I think part of me is just real tired.

01:18:47.280 So you are checking yourself into a men's recovery place to give yourself some space.

01:18:54.720 So you're not – are you – is that like rehab or is that like a meditation place?

01:19:01.080 I don't know.

01:19:01.780 I'm talking to like five or six of them right now just trying to decide or, you know, investigate.

01:19:06.040 And how long will you spend there?

01:19:07.460 I think I'll probably just do two weeks.

01:19:09.200 Okay.

01:19:09.560 And what do you hope to get from it?

01:19:11.300 I would just want to think – I want to build a relationship with my higher power.

01:19:14.920 I want to have – I want to go over like some intimacy issue kind of stuff.

01:19:19.740 And what else, dude?

01:19:21.320 Did you have a relationship with a higher power when you were growing up?

01:19:23.920 No.

01:19:24.900 No.

01:19:25.720 And what is your higher power?

01:19:27.980 Just God.

01:19:28.800 Just God.

01:19:29.460 Yeah.

01:19:30.220 A God of your understanding or a religious God, a Christian God? 0.83

01:19:33.980 Yeah.

01:19:34.260 I kind of attach it to a Christian God because that's what's most familiar for me.

01:19:37.640 But I'm just – I think a God.

01:19:39.360 I just believe in God.

01:19:40.900 Have you had your atheist moment?

01:19:43.160 I think I did when I was younger.

01:19:46.660 I didn't think that God existed, all this kind of anger.

01:19:49.840 But I don't think I had that anymore.

01:19:51.460 I want there to be a God.

01:19:52.700 I want there to be something that cares about me.

01:19:55.800 And do you pray in the morning and at night?

01:19:59.320 Yeah.

01:19:59.960 And you've started to do that since you were in recovery?

01:20:02.660 Yeah.

01:20:04.220 Mark?

01:20:05.300 No.

01:20:06.080 No.

01:20:06.540 Mark, you need it.

01:20:07.940 You need a cup.

01:20:08.760 I'll throw – I'll fire off a few for you, man.

01:20:10.620 Yeah, definitely.

01:20:12.380 Well, I was telling Rob earlier, I almost – there was a girl recently that I was chatting to,

01:20:16.980 a little way back, and she was very much into the Bible and religion.

01:20:20.620 And I caught myself – well, like, I thought – I was like, oh, yeah, I'd love to read the Bible too.

01:20:25.540 Oh, yeah.

01:20:26.540 Not lying in the moment, but afterwards, I was like, what am I doing?

01:20:29.840 I can't –

01:20:30.140 Yeah, you can't read.

01:20:33.240 What are you doing?

01:20:34.000 She was like, do you want to go to mass?

01:20:35.160 I'm like, oh, it's one of my favorite things to do.

01:20:37.260 Oh, I vomited on a woman once on accident and then met her at church in the morning. 0.99

01:20:42.920 She's like, you're not going to meet me.

01:20:44.000 And I was like, I'll meet you.

01:20:44.880 And I show up just – eyes just so red, just horrible.

01:20:49.680 So what was your drug of choice?

01:20:51.960 I think just feelings.

01:20:54.020 My own feelings is my biggest drug.

01:20:56.080 Just thinking of – just my brain is just – my thoughts and my feelings.

01:21:00.620 I've never really struggled that much with addiction, with, like, substances, you know?

01:21:04.780 I think I relate a lot more with, like, SLAA-type stuff and those type of things.

01:21:12.080 How do you sleep?

01:21:13.000 I don't sleep that great.

01:21:16.120 Yeah, me neither.

01:21:17.020 Me neither.

01:21:18.320 What do you think that is?

01:21:19.260 Do you think we're also just getting to be an age where we don't sleep well?

01:21:21.700 You think it's kind of like a –

01:21:22.840 Well, a new thing for me, like 47, is, like, peeing five times in the night.

01:21:29.760 Oh, no worries.

01:21:30.960 No worries, man.

01:21:31.580 You can't drink any water after about maybe 7 p.m.

01:21:34.380 Really?

01:21:35.340 Because it just keeps coming out of you.

01:21:37.500 Really?

01:21:38.280 That's why I see old people. 1.00

01:21:39.420 They're just traveling around, peeing in different places.

01:21:41.460 Yeah.

01:21:41.740 They're like dogs, yeah.

01:21:43.260 Like, it's just started to happen where I – you know, like, normally I would close my eyes

01:21:48.840 and when I did fall off to sleep, I would stay asleep.

01:21:51.220 Yeah.

01:21:51.660 Really?

01:21:51.820 But now – but now I go to sleep and then I wake up five times for a pee.

01:21:58.580 Is that –

01:21:59.340 I really don't – Jesus.

01:22:00.580 And that's happened in the last 12 months.

01:22:02.500 Well, there's machines talking in the distance, too, while we're laying there. 0.81

01:22:05.900 It's getting fucking pretty weird, you know.

01:22:07.940 That information is traveling through the air into your phones and computers and printers

01:22:12.560 and satellites and all.

01:22:14.940 Did you – have you been addicted to Ambien at any point?

01:22:17.620 No, never.

01:22:18.300 I would do it.

01:22:19.320 What's that again?

01:22:20.320 It's sleeping –

01:22:21.500 It's nighttime, baby.

01:22:21.960 Oh, really?

01:22:22.560 Yeah.

01:22:23.320 Were you?

01:22:23.940 Oh, yeah.

01:22:24.720 Were you really?

01:22:25.740 Was it good?

01:22:26.880 What'd you do?

01:22:27.480 What would you do on it, huh?

01:22:29.200 Sleep eat.

01:22:30.680 Oh, yeah.

01:22:31.460 So I would sleep –

01:22:32.240 Get up and have a pie, eh?

01:22:33.540 So I would sleep eat, yeah.

01:22:35.160 There was one time we were in Ireland and I was doing a show and they bought – they

01:22:40.700 bought 32 euro.

01:22:42.780 So like $32 worth of chocolate.

01:22:45.780 That's a lot.

01:22:46.760 Right?

01:22:47.080 Yeah.

01:22:47.800 And because of Ambien, I ate $32 worth of chocolate.

01:22:53.880 Amen.

01:22:54.460 Asleep.

01:22:55.320 What?

01:22:56.400 Completely asleep.

01:22:57.480 Amen.

01:22:57.700 Not known that I'd done it.

01:22:58.100 It's like a Japanese game show.

01:22:59.460 Yeah.

01:23:00.660 Yeah, you could do that.

01:23:02.220 Yeah.

01:23:02.680 That's unbelievable.

01:23:03.340 And did that cause you to shut it down and you're like, I'm going to roll the dice

01:23:05.820 again, see what else I can eat?

01:23:07.980 No, by that time I'm in, aren't I?

01:23:09.400 I'm addicted.

01:23:10.040 So I needed to go to sleep.

01:23:11.540 I'm also on tour.

01:23:12.780 And if I don't sleep and I'm on tour, then I'm going to just not perform the way that

01:23:17.640 I performed in the last gigs.

01:23:18.960 And oh my God, and I'm tired anyway.

01:23:20.460 So all the way through that tour, I was sort of like living like a monk food wise during

01:23:28.280 the day, sort of my body as a temple.

01:23:30.760 But then at night, I'd be taking these Ambien and then I would be eating the mini bar.

01:23:35.160 No way.

01:23:35.800 Yeah.

01:23:36.340 I'd be eating the menu.

01:23:37.400 Do you actually, you don't remember any of it?

01:23:39.100 You don't remember?

01:23:40.080 Don't remember any of it.

01:23:41.220 Wow.

01:23:41.680 But also another one was sort of like my security on tour.

01:23:45.880 They'd have the Ambien and I'd be like, can I have the Ambien?

01:23:50.260 So they give me the Ambien, right?

01:23:52.020 And then I'd go next door and then I'd have my Ambien and I'd fall asleep on the Ambien.

01:23:58.760 And then I would get up completely naked, go through to security room and have a conversation

01:24:07.260 with them as lucidly as this, but completely naked.

01:24:11.820 And asleep.

01:24:12.720 And asleep.

01:24:13.600 That's beautiful.

01:24:14.320 And then I'd wake up the next morning.

01:24:15.920 That's like Joe Biden.

01:24:16.520 I'd wake up the next morning and I'd go, I'd say, I didn't do it, did I?

01:24:21.320 And then this look on their eyes would just be like, yeah, yeah, yeah, you did do it.

01:24:26.840 That must be tough to get off.

01:24:29.880 Yeah, it was.

01:24:30.460 Yeah.

01:24:30.880 Yeah.

01:24:31.840 Jeez.

01:24:32.440 Because like you said, if you need sleep that much and then you can't sleep, you're like, 1.00

01:24:36.220 just give me the fucking pill. 1.00

01:24:37.420 Oh, that's the worst. 1.00

01:24:38.420 Especially if you're on tour.

01:24:39.200 Like if you get stressed out, like I got it.

01:24:40.820 If I don't get my sleep, I'm not.

01:24:43.000 Dude, I've been in positions where I play Wembley Stadium.

01:24:47.940 Wow.

01:24:49.220 I'm awake at 12 o'clock the next morning and I've got to play Wembley Stadium again.

01:24:56.280 In eight hours time.

01:24:58.100 And I haven't been asleep.

01:24:59.260 Really?

01:24:59.740 There's no drugs.

01:25:00.860 I'm completely and utterly sober.

01:25:02.840 It's just my mind is going.

01:25:04.380 Because you're in front of 80,000 people.

01:25:08.120 Oh, yeah.

01:25:08.660 And you've just shared this mass experience with them where you just like, you create your

01:25:13.660 own drug inside of you.

01:25:15.020 So you're creating dopamine, adrenaline, serotonin.

01:25:18.800 But like this crazy amount because there's 80,000 people looking at you and then you go

01:25:27.040 back to the room and you're sort of like, oh, yeah.

01:25:31.360 But then you've got to go do it again.

01:25:33.680 And that's why touring crushes me.

01:25:37.580 It's like, do you enjoy touring?

01:25:39.860 No, I don't at all.

01:25:41.880 Do you enjoy the gigs that feel spiritual and otherworldly?

01:25:47.060 Oh, my God.

01:25:47.760 I couldn't even tell you what they're like. 0.97

01:25:50.280 They're un-fucking-believable. 0.59

01:25:52.400 You know that moment where you're in the pocket. 0.88

01:25:54.020 You're in the pocket and you can't miss and everything that you do and you just free float.

01:25:59.740 Yes, that is absolutely otherworldly and incredible.

01:26:05.060 How often does that happen on tour?

01:26:06.740 Not very often.

01:26:07.860 Why?

01:26:08.380 Because I've had three hours sleep in the last week.

01:26:10.460 Oh, God.

01:26:11.700 And you've then got to do the thing.

01:26:14.060 You know, you're performers.

01:26:15.800 You've then got to go and do the thing again, which is why that, you know, I got the addicted

01:26:19.900 to Ambien.

01:26:20.360 The thing that I did last few weeks, have you tried magnesium to sleep?

01:26:26.420 Yeah, I have been taking magnesium at night.

01:26:27.780 It helps if I remember to take it.

01:26:29.400 Yes.

01:26:29.860 So how many milligrams are you taking in a magnesium?

01:26:31.740 Two pills, two white pills of it.

01:26:33.840 200 milligrams.

01:26:35.360 I don't know.

01:26:36.760 I feel it.

01:26:38.020 I think I feel it.

01:26:38.980 Yeah.

01:26:39.480 So did you take it last night?

01:26:41.780 Yeah.

01:26:42.280 Yeah.

01:26:42.640 So I think the magnesium has been giving me anxiety there. 1.00

01:26:46.140 Fuck. 1.00

01:26:46.620 Oh, really? 1.00

01:26:47.340 Fuck. 1.00

01:26:47.740 So I've been taking magnesium a lot over the last couple of weeks, and I've noticed that 1.00

01:26:52.040 I'm grumpy with the missus.

01:26:53.380 Oh, really?

01:26:53.700 Oh, yeah.

01:26:54.040 But are you sleeping?

01:26:55.420 Huh?

01:26:55.720 Are you sleeping?

01:26:56.920 Yeah, I'm sleeping.

01:26:57.860 Well, there you go.

01:26:58.660 I mean, you can't have it all.

01:27:01.040 Yeah, but so I've noticed the anxiety, too.

01:27:05.460 So I've knocked the magnesium on the head last couple of days, and the anxiety is gone.

01:27:09.460 I don't know.

01:27:10.440 Oh, really?

01:27:11.080 Yeah. 0.98

01:27:11.900 It's a dirty, man. 1.00

01:27:13.020 It's a fucking dirty experiment always going on inside of us, it feels like. 1.00

01:27:17.980 It's a real... 0.99

01:27:18.700 What time did you go to sleep?

01:27:19.620 What time did you wake up?

01:27:21.120 I went to sleep probably about 11.30.

01:27:22.820 Woke up at three in a fit of anger for about 40 minutes, and then went back to sleep.

01:27:27.540 Fit of anger in the middle of the night?

01:27:29.140 Yeah.

01:27:29.720 I'll do it.

01:27:30.280 I'll figure it out.

01:27:31.980 Yeah, yeah.

01:27:33.240 I've never heard anything.

01:27:34.580 So you wake up in a fit of anger about not being able to sleep?

01:27:37.920 I wake up, no, my brain starts thinking about something, then I'll start doing something

01:27:40.780 online, and then I'm angry. 0.99

01:27:43.860 Because I don't have a lot of time during the day sometimes, so it's like, oh, fuck, 0.98

01:27:47.100 I got a little bit of time, and then I'm too angry, and then I need to go back to sleep. 0.97

01:27:51.100 So I'll probably get into a nap today.

01:27:52.820 So what is your...

01:27:53.820 Nap is good when you drool.

01:27:55.400 You ever had that?

01:27:56.260 Yeah. 0.93

01:27:56.860 When your face just kind of orgasms, dude? 0.82

01:27:58.440 Okay, but like daytime sleep.

01:28:00.780 Daytime sleep, when you wake up from it, do you need sugar?

01:28:05.100 Oh, yeah, I do.

01:28:06.900 I haven't noticed that.

01:28:07.840 Yeah, daytime sleep, if I wake up, I need chocolate, or I need...

01:28:12.820 You're like the groggiest.

01:28:14.080 Yeah.

01:28:14.560 It's unreal. 1.00

01:28:15.520 But you're freaking eating chocolate in your damn sleep, bro. 1.00

01:28:18.180 You're damn Ichabod Crane out there. 1.00

01:28:20.080 I've knocked it on the head. 1.00

01:28:21.240 I've knocked chocolate on the head, cake on the head.

01:28:23.300 Really?

01:28:23.500 Oh, cake?

01:28:24.400 Yeah, yeah.

01:28:24.720 You can't do it on the way of cake, man. 1.00

01:28:26.520 I'll get married just to have some damn cake, boy. 1.00

01:28:28.740 I love cake. 1.00

01:28:29.380 I haven't eaten cake in years.

01:28:29.960 Which is your favorite cake?

01:28:30.860 I kind of like a...

01:28:33.260 Let me think.

01:28:34.040 I like a coconut cake.

01:28:36.800 What about red velvet?

01:28:38.320 Because I didn't know red velvet existed until I came to America, and I was just like,

01:28:42.160 uh-oh.

01:28:43.260 Yeah.

01:28:44.260 And have you had this cake celebration cake?

01:28:46.460 Uh-uh.

01:28:47.140 And it's like got rainbow colors in it, and like Skittles in the middle, or whatever it

01:28:50.740 is.

01:28:50.760 What?

01:28:51.040 Really?

01:28:51.380 No, it's a real thing.

01:28:52.240 Oh, yeah.

01:28:54.140 I've been at it.

01:28:54.680 Yeah, I don't have a...

01:28:56.660 It pisses people off that I have no inclination to eat.

01:29:00.080 You don't eat...

01:29:00.880 There's another thing that nobody touches on, is you not eating. 0.99

01:29:04.120 You're sick, boy. 0.99

01:29:05.400 So you're like an anorexic alcoholic? 1.00

01:29:08.260 Yeah, brother. 1.00

01:29:09.000 You're sick. 1.00

01:29:09.880 You're sick, buddy. 1.00

01:29:10.980 Lay down here. 0.96

01:29:11.680 We'll take your temperature.

01:29:12.660 He needs help.

01:29:13.300 Yeah.

01:29:13.560 I eat like healthy, but like I won't eat...

01:29:15.700 If you put fries here, I'd be like, I'm grand.

01:29:19.400 Like women would get upset if I went to dinner once in the blue moon. 1.00

01:29:23.220 They're like, just try this.

01:29:24.120 So I'd be like, I'm okay.

01:29:25.200 I'm okay.

01:29:25.780 Now I just say, I have gluten.

01:29:27.840 I have lactose.

01:29:29.020 And they're like, oh, I'm sorry.

01:29:30.360 Dude, in 20 years, we're just going to be having smoothies.

01:29:32.380 Nobody's going to eat anything anymore.

01:29:35.380 I had...

01:29:36.180 The kids gave me a bug, and I lost seven pounds in a week.

01:29:40.480 Oh, that's awesome.

01:29:41.720 Yeah, it was amazing.

01:29:43.100 But I've used it as the great reset, dietary-wise.

01:29:46.420 Oh, you actually...

01:29:47.980 I thought you were going to eat more cake.

01:29:49.420 No, no, no, no, no.

01:29:50.380 Because I wasn't cake in it, and I wasn't chocolate in it.

01:29:52.740 How did you cake then?

01:29:54.440 Well, but what I was doing, which was lying to myself, keto bars.

01:29:59.000 Yeah.

01:29:59.360 Have you seen these keto bars?

01:30:00.940 Keto bars and protein balls.

01:30:03.480 So you've seen these like bounce balls and da-da-da and all of these sort of things.

01:30:07.340 Basically, they should just be like calorie balls and calorie bars.

01:30:12.440 So I was like...

01:30:13.620 I was not having the chocolate or the cake, but I was nailing these things.

01:30:16.920 So now what I've done with this great reset is I've got rid of those, and every time I want one of those, I go for a banana or I go for an apple.

01:30:25.880 And it's nowhere near as full at all.

01:30:28.360 But it works.

01:30:29.000 But you can't be old and fat.

01:30:30.920 Yeah. 0.72

01:30:31.120 You can be old, but you can't be fat.

01:30:32.660 Yeah.

01:30:32.960 So I'm just trying my best not to be fat.

01:30:34.640 Have you ever been fat?

01:30:36.100 I was maybe fat when I was a little bit when I was young, like in the spring, but not as an adult.

01:30:42.320 Have you been fat?

01:30:42.940 I would do it.

01:30:43.560 Yeah, when I was young.

01:30:44.520 I remember when my nana called me fat.

01:30:46.180 I was on TV singing, like in a choir.

01:30:49.480 And I had a close-up, I think, and I came home.

01:30:51.540 I thought I was like in a boy band.

01:30:53.820 And then my nana was like, I saw you on TV. 0.90

01:30:55.520 You look very fat in the face. 0.87

01:30:57.320 Wow. 0.97

01:30:57.800 Yeah, and that messed me up.

01:30:59.020 Yeah.

01:30:59.340 You want to hear a weird story?

01:31:00.260 After she passed away, I couldn't take photos because I'd always be like this.

01:31:04.760 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

01:31:05.560 And after she passed away, the first photo I took, I was just like...

01:31:09.920 Oh, nana's dead.

01:31:11.260 But that's so mean because I loved her.

01:31:14.380 But I was like, well, I can smile again.

01:31:16.380 She died during a pandemic, eh?

01:31:18.120 Yeah, I actually thought she died like a year before.

01:31:20.900 I remember you told me that.

01:31:22.300 Yeah.

01:31:22.660 She was in like hospice.

01:31:24.640 And then I was like asking my parents every day, how's nana, is she alive?

01:31:28.780 And they're like, yeah, she's hanging on.

01:31:30.920 And I asked like four or five days in a row, and I was like, this is getting morbid.

01:31:34.000 Like, I don't want to keep bringing it up.

01:31:35.980 I want to be like, so anyway, it's sunny here.

01:31:38.340 So I stopped asking.

01:31:39.420 Was your nan your example of love when you were growing up?

01:31:43.980 Was she just like a wonderful person?

01:31:46.340 Oh, yeah.

01:31:47.520 Yeah, she was.

01:31:48.180 But she'd feed me cake and stuff. 0.90

01:31:49.780 Yeah.

01:31:50.040 Oh, yeah. 0.75

01:31:50.580 But she would call me fat.

01:31:51.940 Treat you warmly, though.

01:31:52.940 Yeah.

01:31:53.680 But she said fat in a loving way. 0.98

01:31:55.600 Oh, you're fat, Mark.

01:31:56.220 It didn't feel like it. 0.83

01:31:57.560 No, no, it would never would. 0.99

01:32:00.220 Oh, you're fat. 0.73

01:32:01.080 I didn't know I did it. 0.97

01:32:02.300 My brother saw me fixing my hair.

01:32:03.660 Oh, hang on.

01:32:04.080 So your grandma passed away just recently.

01:32:06.820 So it's only just recently that you've allowed yourself to smile with a fuller face.

01:32:10.900 Oh.

01:32:11.180 Yeah, yeah.

01:32:11.600 In photos.

01:32:12.180 Wow.

01:32:12.400 Yeah, yeah.

01:32:12.900 Just like just like out and about now in Los Angeles.

01:32:16.120 You're like, she's dead.

01:32:20.200 Like if someone takes a photo, I won't go.

01:32:23.920 Yeah. 1.00

01:32:24.420 You know, you make that dumb. 0.99

01:32:25.820 If they're like, hey, make the Nana's alive face. 0.99

01:32:28.180 Yeah.

01:32:28.480 Like, no, I do.

01:32:29.900 I do that a lot.

01:32:30.740 I go like.

01:32:33.240 Really?

01:32:33.640 There's another thing that.

01:32:34.920 OK, so side view.

01:32:36.760 So this here.

01:32:38.060 Uh-huh.

01:32:38.440 This here.

01:32:39.220 OK, so if you put your tongue on the onion.

01:32:42.100 Oh, that's clever.

01:32:43.740 Oh, it makes your chin pop out some, eh?

01:32:45.440 We just take a photo after all the three of us are just like.

01:32:49.600 Yeah, but you haven't.

01:32:50.940 Why have you got the.

01:32:52.000 Why have you.

01:32:52.480 Why do you do that?

01:32:53.580 Because you've got a chin.

01:32:54.920 Oh, yeah.

01:32:55.340 I just like having a little bit of hair on there.

01:32:57.340 It reminds me of like.

01:32:58.720 Insecurely.

01:33:00.180 What are you going to do?

01:33:01.240 And you keep in the.

01:33:02.320 I think you.

01:33:02.920 It's warm.

01:33:03.640 You rock the mullet.

01:33:04.980 So.

01:33:05.400 Oh, yeah.

01:33:05.820 But you've had it forever, right?

01:33:07.220 I've had it when I was a child.

01:33:08.440 I had it.

01:33:08.800 And then I didn't have it when I moved out here for a while.

01:33:10.940 And then I.

01:33:11.660 I just like my hair long.

01:33:12.960 It doesn't feel.

01:33:13.820 For me, it's not like a gimmicky type of thing.

01:33:15.620 Some people get like.

01:33:17.400 A gimmicky type of hair.

01:33:18.740 Haircut that, you know, for some purpose.

01:33:21.180 I just feel most comfortable in it.

01:33:23.000 Is it?

01:33:23.560 Oh, man.

01:33:25.640 Did you ever go through it?

01:33:26.540 Did you go through it?

01:33:26.960 No, I'm losing my hair.

01:33:28.140 Oh, he's doing fine.

01:33:29.080 No, I'm doing all right.

01:33:29.960 But then if it shines on the top of it. 0.53

01:33:32.320 It becomes like baby's bum.

01:33:34.360 So I went to go and have a thatch.

01:33:37.260 I went to go and have the.

01:33:38.240 I've had that.

01:33:38.980 Oh, did you do it?

01:33:39.740 Yeah.

01:33:40.120 I went to have it done.

01:33:41.060 And the guy was like, bad news.

01:33:42.680 Because they harvest it from here, right?

01:33:44.080 Yeah.

01:33:44.320 So bad news, your hair is so thin, we can't harvest it from there.

01:33:50.200 We'll do nothing. 1.00

01:33:51.120 So I was like, fuck that. 1.00

01:33:51.960 I'm going to have a second opinion. 1.00

01:33:53.200 Second opinion was, your hair is that thin, we can't harvest it from there. 0.87

01:33:57.500 It will do damage. 0.99

01:33:59.200 Thank God you came to see us because other people would have harvested it and fucked it up. 0.96

01:34:02.480 Oh, so what I did was I had these injections and I won't tell you how much they were, but 0.91

01:34:06.500 they were absolutely like a fortune to two vials of this stuff where they numb your head

01:34:12.200 and then they do this.

01:34:14.280 They put these vials in and in five months time, your hair will grow back much thicker.

01:34:21.140 And it costs the same price as my grandma's house, right?

01:34:25.160 Really?

01:34:25.640 Yeah.

01:34:26.560 Nothing.

01:34:27.160 Nothing's happened.

01:34:27.880 Really?

01:34:28.300 We're now seven months in and nothing's happened.

01:34:30.980 It looks fun.

01:34:31.540 You can't tell.

01:34:34.620 But like when I'm on stage and there's a 40 foot screen of me at the back and I'm giving

01:34:42.120 it the big end and you could do the sexy like that. 0.72

01:34:45.280 And they're going, yeah.

01:34:46.500 And then I look behind me and this guy with like double chin and no hair.

01:34:52.900 It's like, oh, thank you for humoring me.

01:34:56.720 Do you think it's hard to, that's one thing that's interesting about like the way we capture

01:35:01.500 ourselves now and especially like at your level of fame and popularity that you've had,

01:35:05.100 Robbie, that is it hard to live up to try and always live up to that?

01:35:10.160 Like live up to like, you know, because you're captured at such a young, vibrant time in 1.00

01:35:15.960 your life that you got to like, fuck, you know? 0.97

01:35:19.780 Well, I was, I was, my nickname in the press was Blobby Robbie through the nineties, which 1.00

01:35:24.940 really damaged me.

01:35:26.680 Kind of thicker?

01:35:27.880 Yeah.

01:35:28.140 Not like I, I have a tendency to balloon up.

01:35:30.820 That scone, huh?

01:35:31.480 Yeah.

01:35:32.100 And then, and then go down again.

01:35:33.980 But like, but it sort of, it damaged me and it's something, you know, it's like, I don't

01:35:40.040 want to look in the mirror.

01:35:40.840 I don't want to look at myself if I'm doing a photo shoot and they'll say, do you want

01:35:44.880 to come and check this out?

01:35:45.940 See how you look?

01:35:46.580 I'm like, no, thanks.

01:35:47.860 If I'm shooting a video, they're like, that was a great take.

01:35:51.120 Do you want to come and look?

01:35:52.020 No, thanks.

01:35:53.060 So I, I just don't like looking at myself, which is another one of those things when you're,

01:35:57.380 people are going, can I have my picture taken with you?

01:36:00.260 It's basically going, Hey, um, you know, all those things that you hate about yourself.

01:36:05.640 Now is the time to hate yourself about them.

01:36:08.740 Yeah. 0.97

01:36:09.320 I was like your rock DJ video where you're stripping naked.

01:36:13.400 It's like ripped and stuff.

01:36:14.740 If I had like a really good video like that and then saw a bad picture at the self hatred

01:36:20.260 would be, well, I'm body dysmorphic too.

01:36:23.260 Yeah.

01:36:23.420 Cause I'm like being, being like obese and being body dysmorphic.

01:36:28.720 Like the, for the first time that I was told I was body dysmorphic, a therapist.

01:36:32.520 And what does it mean?

01:36:33.020 Body dysmorphic?

01:36:33.680 You can't read that good or you can not read, but you can't, sorry, not read.

01:36:37.060 You can't like.

01:36:37.720 No, you think you're fatter than you are.

01:36:39.780 Oh yeah.

01:36:40.900 So it was like a compliment though.

01:36:42.840 When the therapist told me, it's like your body dysmorphic.

01:36:45.120 I was like, thank you.

01:36:47.680 Thank you.

01:36:49.580 But like when you're body dysmorphic and obese. 0.89

01:36:52.460 Oh, that's awful. 0.97

01:36:55.380 Because not only are you fat, but when you look at yourself, you're fatter than. 0.99

01:36:59.700 Oh, you're doubling down. 0.99

01:37:01.640 Yes.

01:37:02.260 Jesus.

01:37:02.960 Yes.

01:37:04.320 Oh, but then, you know, you know, you know, that, you know, that one where you just like,

01:37:09.500 Oh, I look awful.

01:37:10.340 And then 18 months later, you look at that photo.

01:37:12.380 You go, I was in good shape.

01:37:13.840 Oh, that's so nice.

01:37:15.640 That's body dysmorphia.

01:37:16.900 Oh, dude.

01:37:17.580 Cause I'll look at, when I look at younger pictures of myself, I'm like, God, you were

01:37:20.640 a handsome guy. 0.99

01:37:21.340 If I, if I only thought then that I was handsome, it would have been such a different fuck 0.99

01:37:26.120 instead of every day thinking I was horrible looking. 0.99

01:37:28.540 You're a striking looking guy.

01:37:30.380 You're a good looking guy.

01:37:31.400 Yeah.

01:37:31.720 Like it saw you in the, um, saw you, I'm happily married.

01:37:35.520 Saw you in the, uh, in the car park.

01:37:37.920 Pretty happily straight.

01:37:39.520 Saw you in the car park and decided, yeah, I think I was a good looking lad.

01:37:42.700 Oh, thanks, man. 0.99

01:37:43.540 I think like you, you waste your twenties thinking you're ugly. 0.99

01:37:47.820 Oh yeah. 1.00

01:37:48.680 You spend the whole time like being like, fuck. 0.99

01:37:50.920 I remember, I remember I'll see a photo and I'll be like, I remember being so uncomfortable 1.00

01:37:55.080 that night thinking I look like shit. 0.99

01:37:57.400 I look bad. 0.99

01:37:58.440 Yeah.

01:37:58.660 And now I see it. 1.00

01:37:59.320 I'm like, Oh fuck. 1.00

01:38:00.280 I was dapper. 1.00

01:38:01.660 Well, let's put it.

01:38:02.620 Why do we do it?

01:38:03.360 Okay.

01:38:03.640 Here's the thing, right?

01:38:04.840 I'm in an L, everything, large, everything.

01:38:08.540 I know I'm an M.

01:38:10.780 I know I'm an M.

01:38:12.440 I haven't been in an M for a long, long time.

01:38:16.140 Like I haven't been in an M for 15 years, 17 years since I met the wife and became happy.

01:38:23.340 Really?

01:38:23.880 Yeah.

01:38:24.140 I haven't been in M anything.

01:38:25.740 And the, this is what happens with me and weight is like I get overweight and then I do

01:38:29.980 something extreme to get underweight and then I get to underweight, but I'm really unhappy

01:38:35.540 because I'm not satiated and my body's going, feed me, feed me, feed me, feed me, feed

01:38:40.640 me.

01:38:40.820 And I'm like, I look wicked in clothes for that two seconds, two seconds that that happens.

01:38:46.160 The minute you stop being abusive to yourself by, you know, not giving yourself nutrients

01:38:52.380 and food, you instant.

01:38:54.260 So I'm like yo-yoing all the time.

01:38:55.980 I'm yo-yoing.

01:38:57.520 Yeah.

01:38:58.120 And you're not even yo-yoing, but you're watching the yo-yo go.

01:39:01.020 So it's like, you're like judging yourself at every different, every fluctuation of it.

01:39:06.360 Like, it's hard being alive. 0.98

01:39:08.060 It's fucking tricky. 0.97

01:39:09.320 Life is fun. 0.99

01:39:11.780 As we all get depressed.

01:39:13.360 That sounded forced, but I feel you, man.

01:39:16.020 I feel you.

01:39:17.380 What, who has that joke?

01:39:18.540 It's so good.

01:39:19.300 No, Norm MacDonald used to tell that joke.

01:39:20.820 People were like, people were always like, man, I can't believe it.

01:39:23.380 So-and-so killed themselves.

01:39:24.780 And he's like, you can't?

01:39:27.600 Haven't you ever been alive?

01:39:30.560 Yeah, that's his whole joke.

01:39:31.700 By the way, when Norm passed away, I just spent every waking hour listening to old interviews,

01:39:39.380 listening to stand-up sets.

01:39:41.960 Just like, there's a channel on YouTube, right?

01:39:45.740 It's like, not Norm or whatever.

01:39:47.200 But he's just the best.

01:39:50.940 Yeah, he's great.

01:39:52.120 Absolutely.

01:39:53.160 Unique.

01:39:54.020 Unique.

01:39:54.680 He's very, his British sense of humor kind of, do you think that it catered to?

01:39:58.040 I feel like British people would love it.

01:39:59.660 Yeah, sort of outsider.

01:40:02.460 Is it British? 0.96

01:40:03.820 Yeah, because it's so dry, would it be?

01:40:05.860 Yeah, dry.

01:40:06.620 Yeah, maybe that's the aspect of it.

01:40:08.900 Jimmy Dore, I really like listening.

01:40:11.560 He just had a, oh, no, who else am I thinking of?

01:40:16.380 Who's a British comedian who just had a special come out on Netflix?

01:40:18.920 Jimmy Carr.

01:40:19.200 Jimmy Carr.

01:40:19.700 Jimmy Carr, yeah, yeah.

01:40:20.900 And Jimmy Dore, I like.

01:40:22.040 But Jimmy Carr is a really nice guy.

01:40:24.440 You guys look a little bit alike.

01:40:25.520 People are telling you that now.

01:40:26.700 Yeah, he's a mate of mine.

01:40:27.980 We do look a bit alike.

01:40:29.160 A little bit, yeah.

01:40:29.980 I think we got the same plastic server.

01:40:33.520 Give me the Jimmy.

01:40:34.780 Give me the Robbie.

01:40:35.660 The full Jimmy.

01:40:36.380 Yeah, let's get one more question and then we'll get you guys out of here, man.

01:40:38.940 I appreciate your time today.

01:40:41.040 What else we got here, Kyle?

01:40:45.400 What's up, boys?

01:40:47.200 I have a question for Robbie, if you don't mind.

01:40:50.060 Robbie, some of your biggest gigs arguably have been in Australia, down under.

01:40:55.460 Yeah.

01:40:56.200 I've seen one in Melbourne and it was massive.

01:40:59.800 Unbelievable.

01:41:00.420 We went with my mum and dad.

01:41:01.880 Absolutely massive.

01:41:04.180 What do you love about Australia, Robbie?

01:41:06.700 Theo, I know you've been to Australia as well.

01:41:08.620 Oh, yeah.

01:41:08.960 Anything you love as well, mate?

01:41:11.440 Gang, gang, boys from Melbourne, Australia.

01:41:14.300 Gang. 0.66

01:41:15.220 Gang. 0.66

01:41:16.580 Gang. 0.66

01:41:17.020 So, here's a bit of anxiety, right?

01:41:20.980 So, I was watching, I'm a fan of yours and watch podcasts and always dip into your world,

01:41:27.920 see what you're up to.

01:41:29.360 And there was a Nick Swanson.

01:41:31.860 Nick, that's his name?

01:41:32.740 Oh, yeah.

01:41:33.420 Here's the podcast that you did with him.

01:41:35.400 And then there was the questions at the end.

01:41:37.620 And I was like, no one likes me.

01:41:40.960 Who's going to ask me questions?

01:41:42.080 Oh, you thought, let's go to a question.

01:41:43.660 There's none there.

01:41:44.220 Yeah, yeah.

01:41:44.720 Let's go to a question.

01:41:46.040 There's just going to be somebody abusing me.

01:41:48.760 Yeah. 1.00

01:41:49.420 What an arsehole. 0.98

01:41:51.080 Why have you got him on? 0.99

01:41:52.600 I didn't even know where he was going with that question either.

01:41:55.200 Yeah.

01:41:55.720 We had a bunch.

01:41:56.800 Do you know what?

01:41:57.600 I absolutely.

01:41:59.460 Here's a question for you, right?

01:42:00.620 It is my answer.

01:42:01.720 My answer is, if you could be born a different nationality, you have to choose one. 0.98

01:42:10.500 Mine would be Australian.

01:42:12.160 I would choose to be an Australian.

01:42:14.920 Oh, really?

01:42:15.160 Because I just absolutely love Aussies. 1.00

01:42:17.660 I absolutely adore Australia.

01:42:20.000 It's like, if I'd have come from Australia, I'd probably have a different relationship with it.

01:42:25.820 Like, in Australia, in England, I'm not allowed to be me. 0.99

01:42:30.600 I'm not allowed, you know, tall poppy syndrome, kill their own, let's, you know, build them up and then kill them. 1.00

01:42:37.060 And then keep killing them until they're dead 70 times. 0.99

01:42:39.900 But in Australia, they just allow me to be me and my sense of humour. 0.99

01:42:45.760 And they don't misquote me. 0.99

01:42:47.600 And, you know, it's like, Australia is like England, but without the shit. 0.99

01:42:53.520 And I just adore being there because I just feel as though I can exhale. 0.99

01:42:58.580 You know, it's like I feel as though I can let the stomach just go.

01:43:01.660 And, oh, God, I can be myself.

01:43:03.760 So, my answer to the question that I posed, if you could be born again and had to choose a different nationality, who would it be?

01:43:11.300 Australia.

01:43:11.880 Wow.

01:43:13.620 Australia.

01:43:14.040 I'd go maybe.

01:43:14.640 I love Australia too, man.

01:43:16.120 I love.

01:43:16.540 What I love about it is just like the energy over there.

01:43:19.480 People are excited.

01:43:20.840 People are willing to risk their lives every day for nothing, you know?

01:43:24.240 Yeah.

01:43:24.900 They'll die for nothing, dog.

01:43:26.560 You know what I'm saying?

01:43:27.180 It's like, yeah, it's just a bunch of human Red Bull cans, you know?

01:43:32.500 They're just willing to do whatever, man.

01:43:35.120 Nothing's off limits there. 0.94

01:43:37.060 And they're just real, like, loving and fucking outgoing. 1.00

01:43:40.820 They'll fucking love you so much, they'll fucking kill you, you know? 0.99

01:43:43.820 They're just really, really fired up, man. 1.00

01:43:46.000 They'll jump off of something and die, you know?

01:43:47.780 Just to give you a note, you know?

01:43:49.400 So, they're just, yeah, I love Australia, man.

01:43:53.460 I would probably go, I would go Australian. 1.00

01:43:54.940 I'd even maybe go dark Australian, maybe like a little mix, maybe white abo or something.

01:44:00.220 Go like grilled Australian, you know?

01:44:03.260 Just to have a little bit of that darker ambiance, but also still be Australian, you know? 0.96

01:44:08.640 A little bit more bush, but still whack, you know?

01:44:13.100 Still whack.

01:44:14.260 I'd go French. 1.00

01:44:15.540 Oh, you fucking pussy. 1.00

01:44:16.840 Just to be a complete cunt, to lean into me. 1.00

01:44:19.720 Oh, yeah. 1.00

01:44:20.600 And I could speak like, no, what do you mean?

01:44:24.780 My kids speak French.

01:44:27.360 Oh, my God.

01:44:28.220 My kids are fluent French.

01:44:29.560 Really?

01:44:30.020 Fluent.

01:44:30.360 How did it happen?

01:44:31.920 My wife's a Francophile, which means she thinks she's French.

01:44:34.640 She's from Coldwater Canyon, but, like, she thinks she's French.

01:44:37.560 So, my wife speaks French, Italian, Turkish. 0.99

01:44:41.660 Damn. 0.99

01:44:42.060 And my kids now have conversations in full French. 1.00

01:44:47.300 Really?

01:44:47.560 Oh, my God.

01:44:48.440 About me.

01:44:50.000 That's espionage, dog.

01:44:51.340 Yeah.

01:44:52.380 Yeah, it's super annoying.

01:44:54.920 Oh, if my kids were sitting around speaking in French, looking up at me and laughing, I forget.

01:45:00.240 And you're like, what are you saying about me?

01:45:12.760 Nothing, daddy.

01:45:13.880 You also just did an impersonation of every character from Waterboy, too.

01:45:18.120 So, I think, I mean, that's insane, though, man, to have French speakers in your own home, and you don't know what's going on, dude. 0.99

01:45:26.860 That's...

01:45:27.200 So, like, my son, Charlie, is six, and we were in Switzerland just recently, and I took him out on his scooter, and there was a lady, we call them lollipop ladies.

01:45:38.260 What are they called here?

01:45:39.420 The people that...

01:45:40.320 Pedestrian?

01:45:40.820 Thoughts, probably.

01:45:41.460 No, no, no, the ladies that helped, or the men that helped kids get across the pedestrian.

01:45:47.080 Oh, traffic guards.

01:45:48.420 Yeah, yeah, yeah, traffic guards, and she's like, she looks at me, she goes,

01:45:52.040 And I'm like, ah, I'm really sorry, anglaise, pardon.

01:46:00.860 And then Charlie, my six-year-old, goes, the lady says that there is a race in town, and there's going to be lots of people coming through on bikes, and it's going to be really dangerous.

01:46:10.420 It was, you better go across the road now.

01:46:13.500 Really?

01:46:14.040 I was just like...

01:46:15.420 Charlie's taking care of you.

01:46:17.760 Yeah.

01:46:18.920 You're getting let around by the six-year-old.

01:46:20.900 Charlie.

01:46:21.700 That's a cool name for a kid.

01:46:23.100 I like that name.

01:46:24.280 Oh, Charlton?

01:46:25.340 Ooh, that's a risk.

01:46:28.020 Why?

01:46:28.580 But Charlton just sounds like, because I think it's a candy also in America, Charlton's.

01:46:33.380 Oh, it used to be a dance, actually, the Charlton, didn't it?

01:46:35.600 That's the Charleston.

01:46:36.820 Oh, Charleston, yeah, close, though.

01:46:38.520 So, definitely, you could see him doing some dancing.

01:46:41.260 I've got a Charlton, a Beau, a Coco, and a Teddy.

01:46:45.900 Oh, man.

01:46:46.900 Teddy's Theodore, eh?

01:46:47.900 Yeah, Theodore.

01:46:48.760 Theodore, yeah, yeah.

01:46:49.540 Good name.

01:46:50.120 Where does Beau come from?

01:46:52.700 I don't know.

01:46:53.440 It just sounds good.

01:46:54.060 Beau is beautiful, and it's a French name, too.

01:46:56.320 Do you ever watch the Dukes of Hazzard?

01:46:58.020 Oh, yeah, dude.

01:46:59.100 Watch it, yeah.

01:46:59.520 Beau Duke.

01:47:00.180 Oh, yeah.

01:47:00.860 How's that spelt?

01:47:02.320 B-O.

01:47:03.140 Yeah.

01:47:03.640 Yeah.

01:47:03.900 But that's how I wanted Beau to be spelt.

01:47:05.740 Oh, yeah.

01:47:06.120 Because of the Dukes of Hazzard.

01:47:07.280 No, isn't it?

01:47:07.900 B-E-A-U. 0.97

01:47:10.000 Oh, yeah.

01:47:10.220 You lost that battle?

01:47:11.140 Yeah, I did.

01:47:11.860 Yeah, but like I...

01:47:12.560 In your head, you're like, B-O. 0.99

01:47:14.320 Yeah, it's still B-O.

01:47:16.020 One of my good mates from growing up was named Beau, actually.

01:47:18.700 And he, yeah, Beau's a popular name in Louisiana.

01:47:20.800 Yeah.

01:47:21.000 It's a real popular name.

01:47:21.780 I think Beau...

01:47:22.100 It's a redneck-y name, right? 0.97

01:47:23.820 Oh, let me think.

01:47:24.680 It can be, but it also is kind of like an affluent name.

01:47:28.260 So, I think it depends on how you spell it.

01:47:30.420 B-O is probably a little bit more rural.

01:47:32.960 Right.

01:47:33.220 And then B-E-A-U is a little bit more like French, you know? 0.87

01:47:39.520 French, yeah.

01:47:40.440 Beauregard.

01:47:41.280 Yeah.

01:47:41.780 I'd have wanted Beau to be called Beauregard.

01:47:43.760 That's a good name. 0.98

01:47:44.580 No, it's fucking not. 0.98

01:47:45.860 It's not. 0.98

01:47:46.000 Beauregard?

01:47:46.940 No, it's not.

01:47:48.100 Beauregard!

01:47:50.300 Beauregard, there's no...

01:47:51.340 No, yeah.

01:47:51.840 We had a blast.

01:47:52.460 I'm from Stoke.

01:47:53.280 Yeah.

01:47:54.000 From Stoke.

01:47:54.760 Yeah, but still, dude.

01:47:56.880 You need to be from East Sussex.

01:47:59.740 Is that a place?

01:48:00.340 East Sussex.

01:48:01.100 It sounds like one.

01:48:02.100 Yeah.

01:48:02.480 Yeah.

01:48:04.240 What about...

01:48:05.160 Okay, so here's a question for you.

01:48:07.580 Right.

01:48:08.000 Anxiety.

01:48:08.660 How's your anxiety been during...

01:48:10.100 Because we're heading to the end now, aren't we?

01:48:11.980 Yeah, of course.

01:48:12.760 So, how's your anxiety been through this podcast?

01:48:15.960 Mine's been good until you asked me a question.

01:48:19.880 You've just been the audience.

01:48:22.300 Yeah.

01:48:22.540 I've just been popping in.

01:48:23.640 You've done a great job of being there.

01:48:24.980 Mark's very supportive.

01:48:25.760 I will say it's one really...

01:48:27.680 I mean, he has a lot of great characteristics.

01:48:29.040 One of them is that he's very supportive.

01:48:30.840 He's a good comedian.

01:48:31.520 You just can't understand what he's saying.

01:48:32.620 You know what I'm saying?

01:48:33.040 So, it's almost trickery because he can be like,

01:48:35.300 I'm great at this.

01:48:36.040 And then you just don't know what he's talking about.

01:48:37.680 My new thing is to explain the joke to the audience.

01:48:40.260 I'm like, all right, this is why some of you didn't laugh.

01:48:42.340 Let me announce it.

01:48:43.320 Do you worry about that being in America

01:48:46.700 and trying to...

01:48:49.140 Being successful in the career that you're choosing to be,

01:48:51.240 but in a place where they can't understand you?

01:48:53.000 Yeah, I'm just trying to figure out how to navigate it.

01:48:55.660 Yeah.

01:48:56.020 Do you clip your words so that people...

01:48:58.680 Yeah, sometimes.

01:48:59.880 Like, instead of like, if I say the path,

01:49:03.660 I have to be like, oh, I was on the sidewalk.

01:49:06.280 Yeah.

01:49:06.760 But it's not, you know, like bonnet, boot.

01:49:10.000 It's not all of that.

01:49:11.200 It's your accent.

01:49:12.960 Yeah.

01:49:13.580 Oh, yeah, definitely.

01:49:14.840 I'll be like, but if I call it out,

01:49:16.780 if I say like, I went to the bar.

01:49:19.260 Yeah.

01:49:19.640 And then people are like, he went to the bar.

01:49:21.940 And I'm like, oh, I went to the bar.

01:49:24.560 So people know you're at the bar.

01:49:26.560 Yeah, but like...

01:49:27.440 No doubt about that.

01:49:29.200 Yeah, but like if you're road testing material

01:49:31.300 and you're like, that didn't work.

01:49:33.180 It's like, do you know if it didn't work?

01:49:34.640 Because they just didn't understand it.

01:49:35.820 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

01:49:35.840 That's why I have to figure it out.

01:49:37.020 I'm like, oh, if I even say like the stair,

01:49:39.380 like she had stairs in her ceiling.

01:49:41.500 On her ceiling.

01:49:43.220 She had stairs on her ceiling. 0.97

01:49:44.720 That's a rash, Mark.

01:49:45.480 But I was like, why do they not get...

01:49:48.980 And I figured out then,

01:49:50.340 they think I'm saying she had stairs on her ceiling.

01:49:52.680 On her ceiling.

01:49:53.780 Right, right, right, right.

01:49:54.520 So I'd be like, oh, no,

01:49:55.760 stars like twinkle, twinkle.

01:49:57.720 I just have to explain it a bit more. 1.00

01:50:00.160 I have to treat the audience like they're dumb. 1.00

01:50:02.220 Yeah. 1.00

01:50:02.560 Do you know what that means? 0.98

01:50:04.920 We're getting dumb here, dude. 1.00

01:50:06.620 America, we're getting dumb fast, man. 1.00

01:50:08.900 There was one more interesting thing 0.99

01:50:10.640 I was going to ask you,

01:50:11.680 but I think I almost forgot what it was.

01:50:13.740 No, I don't get too much anxiety around you.

01:50:16.780 You seem, you're very welcoming.

01:50:18.280 I think you have a very welcoming

01:50:19.320 and inviting personality.

01:50:20.780 You ask a lot of questions.

01:50:22.040 And so I think it, yeah,

01:50:24.040 I don't feel a ton of anxiety around you.

01:50:26.500 Do you, when you do podcasts,

01:50:28.680 do you revise the night before

01:50:31.280 or do you just rock up and hit it?

01:50:34.660 Sometimes I revise.

01:50:36.000 You know, when I talk with Mark about you coming in,

01:50:38.060 like, you know, I know about your career,

01:50:39.420 but I didn't know like what your energy was like really.

01:50:42.260 Um, but Mark, you know,

01:50:44.840 just said you're basically just a pretty normal guy

01:50:47.700 to be around and that it's engaging conversation.

01:50:50.740 And so I didn't think too far past that.

01:50:53.620 Uh, we got some questions from folks

01:50:55.400 and then, yeah,

01:50:56.860 I just like to kind of see what's going on with the day.

01:50:58.700 But if we had an author come in,

01:51:00.640 then we like,

01:51:01.280 we had an author come in the other day.

01:51:02.800 And so with him, we, you know,

01:51:04.840 went through and read like half the book

01:51:06.620 as much as I could.

01:51:07.400 Do you think Joe Rogan sort of just rocks up these days?

01:51:11.440 Or do you think that he puts in a bit of,

01:51:13.620 I think it's a mix.

01:51:15.640 I think Joe Rogan,

01:51:16.520 and this is something I learned about him recently

01:51:18.080 was that he always was very,

01:51:21.020 people would say he talked too much.

01:51:22.680 He said,

01:51:23.280 he said people when I was younger would say,

01:51:24.760 man, you talk too much, you know?

01:51:26.380 And then look what he did with it.

01:51:27.900 He like is extremely curious.

01:51:30.820 So he has,

01:51:31.940 I think a very curious nature.

01:51:33.760 So curiosity,

01:51:35.340 I think if you have it inside of you,

01:51:37.020 it makes your brain,

01:51:38.060 it like gives your face questions all the time

01:51:40.040 to get to ask someone.

01:51:41.400 So if your curiosity is really working,

01:51:44.160 I think my curiosity works better

01:51:46.300 when I'm feeling good,

01:51:47.500 when I'm not like in a space of self very much,

01:51:50.900 where my brain isn't kind of worrying

01:51:52.160 about things in my own world.

01:51:53.800 So I think the healthier I am mentally and stuff,

01:51:55.940 the more curiosity I have and the better I do.

01:51:58.540 But what do I think Joe does?

01:52:00.200 I think at this point,

01:52:01.100 he probably has enough comfort

01:52:02.980 with how to do certain things.

01:52:04.920 He knows the mechanism.

01:52:06.180 Yeah.

01:52:06.580 Do you,

01:52:07.420 when you're doing podcasts,

01:52:09.440 do you find that you are insanely concentrating?

01:52:15.540 Do you find,

01:52:16.140 like for example,

01:52:17.100 when I'm doing a podcast,

01:52:18.320 whether I did one interview

01:52:20.340 where I was asking the questions,

01:52:21.740 but the rest of the time I'm on podcasts,

01:52:23.480 I am just hyper-focused.

01:52:25.720 Wow.

01:52:26.280 Are you hyper-focused in these moments?

01:52:28.420 So I was watching you do the Nick thing,

01:52:31.020 the Nick Swanson thing,

01:52:32.120 and it was just like, 0.99

01:52:32.800 it was just chatting the shit between two people 0.99

01:52:34.840 and it felt very natural 0.99

01:52:36.680 and it felt very comfortable.

01:52:38.400 Yeah.

01:52:38.760 Because if I'm,

01:52:40.300 if this is on and I am here,

01:52:42.240 I am just like,

01:52:43.740 like I've taken seven Adderall.

01:52:45.520 I have taken seven Adderall.

01:52:47.160 Let me think,

01:52:47.720 I guess I do feel more focused than usual.

01:52:49.880 It's kind of a respite from the rest of my day.

01:52:51.640 So I'm grateful that I have to think about other people

01:52:54.660 and,

01:52:54.900 you know,

01:52:54.980 just be involved with others.

01:52:56.480 So that's nice.

01:52:57.760 But do I feel hyper-focused?

01:52:59.500 I think it depends.

01:53:01.580 I know that people like

01:53:03.000 when people are just having a conversation,

01:53:04.940 when it doesn't feel sometimes

01:53:06.240 like there's a ton of planning,

01:53:07.820 I find.

01:53:09.640 So.

01:53:10.020 And what does the rest of your day look like?

01:53:12.020 The rest of my day looks like,

01:53:13.660 I'll probably patch up with these guys

01:53:15.420 and make sure everything's good.

01:53:16.940 Look at some social media clips

01:53:18.460 and stuff like that.

01:53:19.400 I got to check in with a sponsor.

01:53:24.640 So I had a little bit of a falling out with a sponsor.

01:53:27.100 So I need to check in with him

01:53:28.140 and decide what I'm going to do.

01:53:30.240 Are you on meds?

01:53:32.020 No.

01:53:32.660 I've been off for like about two months,

01:53:35.060 but it's also scary

01:53:35.940 because I feel like I had,

01:53:37.700 because I got on them like 15 years ago.

01:53:39.740 So it's like.

01:53:40.520 Why are you off them?

01:53:41.520 I think because I just had,

01:53:43.040 I felt like I wasn't having a lot of feelings.

01:53:45.260 So I'm like,

01:53:45.800 it's one of the reasons I'm not having feelings

01:53:47.680 because I'm on these meds.

01:53:49.840 Like part of me,

01:53:50.580 I was thinking sometimes like it's hard for me to like,

01:53:52.300 I feel like if I want to like fall in love with somebody.

01:53:55.000 So I was like,

01:53:56.280 maybe I'm not.

01:53:57.300 Maybe I'm not.

01:53:58.320 Maybe I'm not feeling love because I don't.

01:54:00.920 And how do you feel about that being two months off them now?

01:54:03.900 I feel like I have a lot of like,

01:54:05.660 I've been kind of like a little bit more tearful,

01:54:09.020 honestly,

01:54:09.360 dude,

01:54:09.520 a little bit more emotional.

01:54:10.800 Yeah.

01:54:11.120 Yeah.

01:54:11.320 So that's been a little bit kind of almost a little bit alarming.

01:54:14.840 But then part of me is like,

01:54:15.500 maybe there's these feelings that have been needed to get out for so long

01:54:18.200 and they haven't.

01:54:19.220 So I just don't know.

01:54:20.260 For me and I am not.

01:54:21.880 Yeah.

01:54:22.280 Obviously.

01:54:22.840 We're not doctors.

01:54:23.540 We're not doctors.

01:54:24.480 And I'm not saying,

01:54:25.400 I'm not suggesting.

01:54:25.900 We've never had a doctor in here.

01:54:27.400 Mark's a doctor.

01:54:28.420 Yeah,

01:54:28.860 Mark is.

01:54:29.500 I'm not suggesting anybody do what I'm doing at all.

01:54:32.100 It's not what I'm saying.

01:54:32.980 Just how this is working for me. 0.99

01:54:34.640 I'm on motherfucking meds. 0.99

01:54:36.320 And that's the way it's going to stay. 1.00

01:54:37.600 Wow.

01:54:38.180 That's it.

01:54:38.980 I am totally in.

01:54:40.460 I don't need to go and evaluate,

01:54:42.960 see if there's some feelings that need coming out.

01:54:45.520 Oh, yeah.

01:54:45.900 I spent,

01:54:48.520 I would say,

01:54:50.220 1990 to 2006

01:54:57.820 in abject misery of some form or another

01:55:02.760 because of my poor mental health.

01:55:06.040 And I don't want to waste another second in there.

01:55:10.940 Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

01:55:11.760 Yeah.

01:55:12.120 That makes sense.

01:55:13.040 You know,

01:55:13.420 and that's,

01:55:14.200 that's for me,

01:55:15.540 you know,

01:55:15.880 it's like I'm in the relationship with my missus.

01:55:19.700 I've got the kids.

01:55:22.500 For me,

01:55:23.120 it makes total sense just to be like,

01:55:25.320 okay,

01:55:25.580 this is my life.

01:55:26.640 This is what I need for it to happen.

01:55:29.360 This is what I'm doing.

01:55:30.860 Wow.

01:55:31.740 I think about that too.

01:55:32.860 I think about getting back on actually.

01:55:35.040 Yesterday was the first time I thought about it.

01:55:36.500 What were you on?

01:55:36.980 Just on Sertraline or something.

01:55:38.460 Generic Prozac,

01:55:39.340 I think.

01:55:40.520 Fluoxetine.

01:55:41.140 What,

01:55:41.360 what,

01:55:41.700 what milligram?

01:55:42.800 Pretty low dose.

01:55:43.860 Like 10?

01:55:45.040 Yeah,

01:55:45.460 maybe 15.

01:55:46.600 Okay.

01:55:46.940 It's nothing.

01:55:48.320 Yeah.

01:55:49.400 And,

01:55:49.860 and have you not had the zaps?

01:55:51.980 The,

01:55:52.400 the coming off them?

01:55:53.580 How did you wean off them?

01:55:55.900 Uh,

01:55:56.380 I weaned,

01:55:57.060 uh,

01:55:57.280 pretty decently,

01:55:57.940 like cutting down pills,

01:55:59.100 getting the smallest pills and then cutting them in half and stuff like that.

01:56:02.300 No,

01:56:02.520 I haven't had anything like that.

01:56:03.700 I've just been more emotional.

01:56:04.760 I notice,

01:56:05.420 like I'll start talking to somebody and then I'm balling up and they're like,

01:56:08.340 sir,

01:56:08.800 this is a Carl's Jr.

01:56:11.500 And we're closed.

01:56:13.980 I'm like,

01:56:14.600 sorry,

01:56:15.140 mate.

01:56:15.600 But that,

01:56:16.040 but that happens with me.

01:56:17.340 It's like,

01:56:18.040 I,

01:56:18.680 all of a sudden,

01:56:20.500 I hope,

01:56:21.620 though,

01:56:21.960 uh,

01:56:22.440 we'll just,

01:56:22.880 and my wife will be like,

01:56:25.140 boozy.

01:56:25.800 And I'll be like,

01:56:26.440 really?

01:56:27.840 Yeah.

01:56:28.460 But what I've done is,

01:56:29.720 is forgotten to take my meds for six days.

01:56:32.940 But,

01:56:33.520 but I,

01:56:34.040 but I don't know that I've forgotten to take my meds until,

01:56:37.640 and,

01:56:37.820 and every time it happens,

01:56:39.160 I forget that that's why I'm crying.

01:56:42.180 And it happens twice a year where I'll just be like,

01:56:48.100 and my wife will be like,

01:56:49.660 cause like they,

01:56:50.580 she,

01:56:50.740 she responds so much better to tears than anger.

01:56:54.640 Yeah.

01:56:55.600 Yeah.

01:56:55.840 It's like,

01:56:56.400 I am angry about your timekeeping.

01:56:59.740 And she'll be like,

01:57:00.820 and then like,

01:57:01.460 I get in trouble for being angry about her timekeeping.

01:57:03.800 But if I went,

01:57:04.660 I don't know what to do.

01:57:07.580 Timekeeping.

01:57:08.340 She'd be like,

01:57:08.960 I try to make it.

01:57:10.840 But it's the weirdest thing with the meds where I just forget to take them

01:57:15.960 occasionally.

01:57:17.160 And then I make the solemn swear that I will never forget to take them ever

01:57:20.640 again,

01:57:20.940 because it's really bad.

01:57:22.260 And then I'll just forget.

01:57:23.320 Do you ever feel that like if you take the meds,

01:57:25.280 you're given it,

01:57:26.020 they're like,

01:57:26.240 there's just some like big pharmacy system you're given into.

01:57:29.240 I don't know if I feel that way.

01:57:30.580 Oh,

01:57:30.720 I kind of,

01:57:31.280 I've never taken meds and never cry.

01:57:33.020 So I'm the opposite of both.

01:57:35.500 No,

01:57:35.960 but I just wonder why would God put us together where we don't,

01:57:38.720 or,

01:57:39.000 you know,

01:57:39.160 why would the,

01:57:40.020 why would we be put together where we need some other thing?

01:57:42.820 You know,

01:57:43.060 it seems like we would be okay,

01:57:44.340 but maybe also having meds could be just a side effect of where we are as a

01:57:48.000 population and species in time.

01:57:49.680 Like that one,

01:57:50.760 we're way different than what things used to be like.

01:57:52.960 Yeah.

01:57:53.720 You know,

01:57:54.420 the,

01:57:54.700 the,

01:57:54.800 the past is a,

01:57:56.500 is a different country.

01:57:57.560 They do things differently.

01:57:58.980 That's a great statement.

01:57:59.780 The past is a different country.

01:58:00.920 Yeah.

01:58:01.540 It's,

01:58:02.140 it's all sorts of changed.

01:58:03.880 That's why,

01:58:04.480 you know, 0.99

01:58:05.060 everybody's frigging mentally ill now is because of what society is doing to 1.00

01:58:11.880 itself. 0.98

01:58:12.680 And if I can just have like a breather,

01:58:16.340 if I can have something that gives me a breather from myself,

01:58:19.960 I'm good with that.

01:58:21.420 I'm good with that.

01:58:21.960 It's kind of like,

01:58:22.640 why would you get a haircut of God?

01:58:24.120 Didn't want you to.

01:58:25.200 Why would you put on clothes?

01:58:26.540 Yeah.

01:58:26.900 So like,

01:58:27.340 it's kind of like,

01:58:27.980 giving into Balenciaga.

01:58:30.920 Those cheap shoes.

01:58:35.500 Oh,

01:58:35.880 that's a great joke.

01:58:37.640 Maybe we'll finish there.

01:58:39.580 Oh,

01:58:39.860 can I ask about your teeth before you go?

01:58:41.580 Yeah.

01:58:42.060 Are they yours?

01:58:42.800 Yeah.

01:58:43.340 Well done.

01:58:44.280 Thanks man.

01:58:44.880 Oh wait,

01:58:45.200 actually these two are fake.

01:58:46.960 Are they?

01:58:47.420 Yeah.

01:58:47.600 Are yours yours?

01:58:48.180 The canines.

01:58:48.580 Yours are yours.

01:58:49.240 Yeah.

01:58:49.500 Yeah.

01:58:49.820 Yeah.

01:58:50.040 You got good teeth.

01:58:50.660 You got good white teeth.

01:58:51.600 Mine is getting a little beiged out.

01:58:53.040 No,

01:58:53.240 yours are,

01:58:53.780 he's got American teeth,

01:58:54.960 doesn't he?

01:58:55.120 I gotta shine up.

01:58:55.680 You got such amazing teeth.

01:58:58.200 Yeah.

01:58:58.460 Yeah.

01:58:58.540 Wow.

01:58:59.020 When I was young,

01:58:59.760 I had spaced out teeth.

01:59:01.500 You know?

01:59:01.920 And then you,

01:59:02.500 did you have a retainer?

01:59:03.400 Yeah,

01:59:03.560 I got the retainers.

01:59:04.340 Yeah.

01:59:04.700 Sometimes I wish I could go back,

01:59:05.940 but it's all good.

01:59:06.820 I'm gonna, 0.94

01:59:07.320 I want teeth like you. 0.77

01:59:08.260 I'm gonna go and get some teeth in a bit. 0.52

01:59:09.380 Really?

01:59:09.820 In a bit,

01:59:10.340 yeah.

01:59:11.140 I don't know.

01:59:12.460 Yeah,

01:59:12.740 yeah,

01:59:12.940 yeah.

01:59:13.060 You kind of,

01:59:13.840 I feel like you have that kind of like Andy Dufresne,

01:59:16.160 like runs a train,

01:59:17.140 like you were like a train conductor kind of vibe.

01:59:19.800 You don't want those bright white teeth that people get in like Zimbabwe or something. 1.00

01:59:24.200 Oh,

01:59:24.360 no,

01:59:24.480 no,

01:59:24.600 I don't want,

01:59:25.020 I don't want a mouth full of teeth like that. 0.88

01:59:26.580 I want yours.

01:59:27.560 Yeah.

01:59:28.100 Oh,

01:59:28.220 you can.

01:59:28.480 Yeah,

01:59:28.640 but you,

01:59:29.020 you look as though you,

01:59:29.920 you,

01:59:30.220 you've got the,

01:59:31.560 you've got a mouth full of teeth.

01:59:32.840 They don't look like yours. 0.62

01:59:33.860 Yeah.

01:59:34.100 Yeah.

01:59:34.340 Really?

01:59:35.020 What is it?

01:59:35.600 What is it?

01:59:36.300 Right.

01:59:37.540 Economic background on you growing up.

01:59:39.180 Not great.

01:59:39.700 Right.

01:59:40.120 Yeah.

01:59:40.380 Yeah.

01:59:40.560 Not good.

01:59:41.080 Shitty.

01:59:41.660 Yeah. 1.00

01:59:41.880 Shit. 1.00

01:59:42.040 What is it about your economic background growing up? 1.00

01:59:46.700 Shitty.

01:59:47.560 Teeth.

01:59:48.320 Amazing.

01:59:49.020 Yeah.

01:59:49.320 My economic background growing up.

01:59:51.500 Shitty.

01:59:52.420 Teeth.

01:59:53.220 Brown.

01:59:53.960 Bitty.

01:59:55.120 Yeah.

01:59:55.300 What,

01:59:55.500 what happens?

01:59:56.640 What's the psyche?

01:59:58.040 With America and the psyche with the UK and Ireland where we're just like, 1.00

02:00:02.980 fuck teeth. 1.00

02:00:03.640 Maybe in America, 1.00

02:00:04.380 they think everyone can be a movie star.

02:00:07.440 Do you think that's what it is?

02:00:08.340 Well,

02:00:08.460 they can,

02:00:08.880 because you possibly can.

02:00:10.160 Yeah.

02:00:10.660 Like,

02:00:10.900 I just don't think that like teeth are down the line.

02:00:14.280 Yeah.

02:00:14.680 Like haircut,

02:00:15.500 nails. 0.99

02:00:16.340 Yeah.

02:00:16.660 I mean,

02:00:16.880 it's past liver for you.

02:00:20.220 Well,

02:00:20.960 I think generally,

02:00:22.260 like,

02:00:22.520 I also notice,

02:00:23.240 like,

02:00:23.500 if you do like a lot of,

02:00:25.580 uh,

02:00:26.160 I,

02:00:27.300 I,

02:00:27.520 I thought when I was in,

02:00:28.960 in law or in United Kingdom or Britain,

02:00:32.600 that they had more,

02:00:34.900 a lot of the,

02:00:36.220 uh,

02:00:37.100 women, 1.00

02:00:38.020 the men were better looking than the women. 0.97

02:00:39.760 I felt like,

02:00:40.320 I thought that,

02:00:44.620 and you know,

02:00:45.080 it could have just,

02:00:45.540 I didn't see a ton of couples.

02:00:46.620 I probably only saw about 80 couples,

02:00:48.020 you know,

02:00:49.180 and a lot of lonesome men,

02:00:51.080 which is my audience,

02:00:52.120 but,

02:00:53.260 which I'm grateful for guys.

02:00:55.780 Uh,

02:00:56.460 but I,

02:00:57.580 I felt like maybe the women was more,

02:00:59.560 you see a lot more tanned women as well. 1.00

02:01:01.320 Like the fancy women in England is real tanned up and, 1.00

02:01:04.060 fake tan.

02:01:05.180 Yeah.

02:01:05.440 It's like a popular thing,

02:01:06.820 you know,

02:01:07.280 they were all in sheets.

02:01:08.320 That's one thing when you arrive in Los Angeles,

02:01:10.660 just the amount of good looking women is just on. 1.00

02:01:14.560 Yeah.

02:01:15.380 Unbelievable.

02:01:16.120 I know we touched on it before,

02:01:17.360 but it's,

02:01:18.060 I remember like getting here and I was just like on a sidewalk at the,

02:01:24.000 the lights.

02:01:24.700 And I just thought I'm going to count every fit woman in the car. 1.00

02:01:29.300 I was like 23 at the time.

02:01:31.200 I'm going to count.

02:01:32.240 I'm going to count 50.

02:01:33.740 See how many fit women there are. 1.00

02:01:35.600 Oh yeah.

02:01:36.040 They're all just like one,

02:01:37.180 two,

02:01:37.320 three.

02:01:39.840 It was,

02:01:40.580 it was like the ratio was 50 to 50.

02:01:43.340 Really?

02:01:43.820 Yeah.

02:01:44.040 Yeah.

02:01:44.280 Yeah.

02:01:44.440 Yeah.

02:01:44.640 Yeah.

02:01:44.740 It's the fit to non-fit.

02:01:45.880 It is unreal here.

02:01:47.420 Yeah.

02:01:47.600 That's true.

02:01:48.180 People are just at least fit.

02:01:50.120 They're like a,

02:01:51.240 they fit well.

02:01:52.060 Yeah.

02:01:52.600 Everybody's yeah.

02:01:53.160 People could do a medium here and there.

02:01:54.620 Okay.

02:01:55.600 Um,

02:01:56.040 do you think that,

02:01:57.200 uh, 1.00

02:01:57.720 Oh shit. 0.99

02:01:59.300 It was good though. 1.00

02:02:01.480 Oh,

02:02:01.780 did you ever hire one of those dating services?

02:02:03.640 If you got some money to help you find a decent lady? 1.00

02:02:06.400 Uh,

02:02:06.760 cause I wonder if when you're popular at your level of fame,

02:02:10.080 how do you seed out,

02:02:12.300 you know,

02:02:12.500 like I didn't want to be in a relationship.

02:02:15.200 So no,

02:02:15.960 but I,

02:02:16.500 I would have done if it had carried on for longer.

02:02:20.500 I met either when I was 32,

02:02:22.320 I'm now 47.

02:02:24.480 Yeah.

02:02:24.900 Yeah.

02:02:25.080 You look great for 47,

02:02:26.220 mate.

02:02:26.360 Well,

02:02:26.560 thank you very much.

02:02:27.480 Yeah.

02:02:27.700 I like that.

02:02:28.360 Yeah.

02:02:28.520 So,

02:02:29.440 um,

02:02:30.260 I,

02:02:30.480 I probably would have done eventually.

02:02:33.200 Uh,

02:02:33.560 but at the point,

02:02:34.300 at that point in time,

02:02:35.200 I didn't want to be in a relationship.

02:02:36.660 So no,

02:02:37.400 I didn't.

02:02:38.260 Imagine you on Tinder.

02:02:41.560 Raya,

02:02:42.100 isn't it?

02:02:42.640 Are you on Raya?

02:02:43.480 Yeah,

02:02:43.700 it's awful.

02:02:44.480 Is it?

02:02:44.820 Why is it awful?

02:02:45.680 Cause you just like,

02:02:46.300 you match and you talk and then it stops.

02:02:48.260 It's very like,

02:02:49.200 why does it match and talk and lock?

02:02:51.080 Because there's bigger,

02:02:52.400 better offer.

02:02:53.420 There always is on that side of the right.

02:02:55.580 Yeah.

02:02:55.860 Like it's.

02:02:56.380 Shaq is on there.

02:02:57.140 I heard.

02:02:57.600 Yeah.

02:02:57.960 Like all these famous people.

02:03:00.460 Yeah.

02:03:00.820 So if you're not Diplo.

02:03:02.320 Yeah.

02:03:02.840 Yeah.

02:03:03.160 If you,

02:03:03.540 if you're not Diplo,

02:03:04.440 you're not getting to look in.

02:03:05.320 Is that what you get an initial look in,

02:03:06.980 but then they'll match with someone else.

02:03:08.280 Yeah.

02:03:08.500 They'll look out.

02:03:09.120 Yeah.

02:03:09.800 The conversation is very,

02:03:11.760 how's it going?

02:03:12.440 Not too bad.

02:03:13.060 And you done.

02:03:14.700 What are you,

02:03:15.260 are you on those?

02:03:16.180 I'm not on.

02:03:16.980 I think about it sometimes,

02:03:18.100 but I'm trying to go the other way right now.

02:03:19.740 I got to get a little bit of space,

02:03:21.040 but I just don't need to be doing anything like,

02:03:25.320 because I'm just feeling compulsive about it.

02:03:27.740 That's what I,

02:03:28.180 that's what I'm overall working on.

02:03:29.460 It's just compulsivity.

02:03:30.720 Find someone you really like.

02:03:32.040 Yeah. 1.00

02:03:33.040 Then don't be a cunt. 1.00

02:03:35.200 And that's a, 1.00

02:03:35.840 that's a possibility too.

02:03:36.760 I want to leave that door open.

02:03:38.440 That's all you've got to do.

02:03:39.740 The second part is hard.

02:03:41.320 Yeah.

02:03:41.540 But then,

02:03:42.120 you know,

02:03:42.300 I don't know.

02:03:42.780 I think it,

02:03:43.320 I also think there's a time in your life where you get to where you're ready to do that.

02:03:46.580 And I think it's part of me feels myself getting there a little bit.

02:03:49.620 Well, 0.99

02:03:49.880 it's that's really bullshit. 1.00

02:03:51.120 Yeah. 1.00

02:03:51.380 That's what you're saying the whole time.

02:03:53.280 Yeah.

02:03:53.440 That's what I was saying the whole time.

02:03:54.480 It's like,

02:03:54.700 I wasn't ready at 32.

02:03:57.040 Apparently I was because I have been since I've been 32.

02:04:00.960 It's like,

02:04:01.560 you are ready now.

02:04:03.780 Yeah.

02:04:04.400 You know,

02:04:04.840 you just don't know it.

02:04:07.040 Find,

02:04:07.400 you know,

02:04:07.880 if she comes in and she makes you laugh and you trust her and you like looking at her,

02:04:15.660 marry it.

02:04:18.000 Marry it. 0.67

02:04:18.900 Marry it.

02:04:19.460 Marry it.

02:04:20.040 And then like I say,

02:04:21.100 I'll swear again, 1.00

02:04:21.780 don't be a cunt. 1.00

02:04:22.560 And then you win. 1.00

02:04:23.500 Yeah.

02:04:24.120 Now I,

02:04:25.120 when you were saying that,

02:04:25.920 I got a bit anxious.

02:04:27.440 Yeah.

02:04:27.980 The Marriott?

02:04:28.740 No,

02:04:29.140 the whole like,

02:04:29.680 it's that easy.

02:04:30.740 Those three things.

02:04:31.360 Oh yeah.

02:04:31.940 I got anxious.

02:04:32.720 I was like,

02:04:33.200 Oh,

02:04:33.900 but what if there's another girl? 0.71

02:04:35.800 Oh yeah.

02:04:37.540 Who's also,

02:04:38.880 but that's going to happen.

02:04:39.860 That,

02:04:40.020 but that's going to happen always for the rest of your life.

02:04:42.820 Yes.

02:04:43.360 But then I'd be like,

02:04:44.300 you wait here.

02:04:45.320 I'll be right back.

02:04:46.200 That happens with me when I'm watching the television and like,

02:04:48.880 Oh,

02:04:49.060 she's,

02:04:50.260 Oh yeah,

02:04:51.360 this happens all of the time.

02:04:52.500 And then I go,

02:04:53.040 Oh yeah,

02:04:53.380 this happens all of the time.

02:04:54.660 Cause it's that,

02:04:55.320 that thing inside me.

02:04:58.220 And then,

02:04:58.640 you know,

02:04:59.160 it's like,

02:04:59.660 I,

02:05:00.180 I have an amazing wife. 0.97

02:05:02.940 Who's fit and great to look at.

02:05:06.380 Makes me laugh.

02:05:07.260 And I trust her.

02:05:08.620 And like,

02:05:09.320 what am I,

02:05:10.120 you know,

02:05:10.640 what am I,

02:05:11.640 what would I be swapping for?

02:05:13.080 Yeah.

02:05:13.680 What's,

02:05:14.480 what would be better about any of these other people?

02:05:17.340 But here I'll swap for the possibility.

02:05:19.120 So that's something that's you got to look at.

02:05:23.100 Yeah.

02:05:23.260 What is like,

02:05:23.880 what?

02:05:24.220 Yeah.

02:05:24.540 What would you swap for?

02:05:26.240 Sometimes you never make a list of the values and the one thing that you have.

02:05:29.540 And so there's always like,

02:05:30.740 that's what I noticed too.

02:05:31.500 If I don't ever really kind of make a list of what,

02:05:33.440 like,

02:05:33.880 Oh,

02:05:34.160 well with this,

02:05:34.660 I have like,

02:05:35.700 always have a friend.

02:05:37.020 You got like a teammate,

02:05:38.420 a fricking somebody to watch, 0.59

02:05:39.900 do things with.

02:05:40.720 Like if you never really list that out,

02:05:43.000 then you'll just always think there's this invisible idea of something over here.

02:05:46.780 That's better.

02:05:47.520 That's what I noticed.

02:05:48.240 I have this invisible idea that I've never even looked at.

02:05:50.700 Like,

02:05:50.860 well,

02:05:50.960 what is this idea?

02:05:51.980 Yeah.

02:05:52.740 You know, 0.99

02:05:53.260 it's just a fucking, 1.00

02:05:54.040 and then you get over there and it's just some fucking lady smoking outside of a building. 1.00

02:05:58.200 You know, 0.99

02:05:58.340 you're like,

02:05:58.700 who is this?

02:05:59.500 It's like an oblique Morpheus,

02:06:01.960 just blob of an idea.

02:06:04.000 It's like the sort of grayish with tinges of blackening.

02:06:07.760 You're sort of like,

02:06:08.360 I don't know what it is,

02:06:09.320 but it's better.

02:06:10.220 Yes.

02:06:10.740 That's what it is.

02:06:11.580 Yeah.

02:06:12.200 It's always going to be out there,

02:06:13.500 man.

02:06:14.640 Thank you for your time today,

02:06:15.860 guys.

02:06:16.460 Yep.

02:06:17.160 Robbie.

02:06:17.520 Mark,

02:06:18.780 it was a pleasure,

02:06:19.540 man.

02:06:20.300 Yeah.

02:06:21.060 Thank you.

02:06:21.620 Thank you for having us.

02:06:22.540 I'm just floating on the breeze and I feel I'm falling like these leaves.

02:06:28.100 I must be cornerstone.

02:06:33.320 Oh,

02:06:34.120 but when I reach that ground,

02:06:36.020 I'll share this peace of mind.

02:06:38.320 I found I can feel it in my bones,

02:06:42.300 but it's going to take a little time for me to set that parking brake

02:06:51.540 and let myself unwind.

02:06:53.320 And let myself unwind.

02:06:55.240 Shine that light on me.

02:07:00.560 I'll sit and tell you my stories.

02:07:06.160 Shine on me.

02:07:09.180 And I will find a song.

02:07:12.740 I will sing it just for you.

02:07:21.740 Ladies and gentlemen,

02:07:23.040 I'm Jonathan Kite and welcome to Kite Club,

02:07:25.720 a podcast where I'll be sharing thoughts on things like current events,

02:07:29.400 standup stories,

02:07:30.380 and seven ways to pleasure your partner.

02:07:32.560 The answer may shock you.

02:07:34.880 Sometimes I'll interview my friends.

02:07:36.920 Sometimes I won't.

02:07:38.600 And as always,

02:07:39.480 I'll be joined by the voices in my head.

02:07:41.540 You have three new voice messages.

02:07:44.560 A lot of people are talking about Kite Club.

02:07:47.440 I've been talking about Kite Club for so long,

02:07:50.120 longer than anybody else.

02:07:51.760 So great.

02:07:53.100 Hi,

02:07:53.740 sweetheart.

02:07:54.780 Here's the deal. 1.00

02:07:56.040 Anyone who doesn't listen to Kite Club is a dodgy bloody wanker. 0.99

02:08:00.020 Do you know what I mean? 0.99

02:08:00.600 I'll take a quarter pounder with cheese and a McFlurry.

02:08:05.100 Sorry,

02:08:05.460 sir,

02:08:05.580 but our ice cream machine is broken.

02:08:07.200 Oh,

02:08:07.540 no.

02:08:09.480 I think Tom Hanks just butt dialed me.

02:08:11.920 Anyway,

02:08:12.580 first rule of Kite Club is,

02:08:14.300 tell everyone about Kite Club.

02:08:16.120 Second rule of Kite Club is,

02:08:18.060 tell everyone about Kite Club.

02:08:20.340 Third rule,

02:08:21.240 like and subscribe wherever you listen to podcasts,

02:08:23.940 or watch us on YouTube,

02:08:25.440 yeah?

02:08:26.100 And yes,

02:08:26.660 don't worry,

02:08:27.140 my Brad Pitt impression will get better.

This Past Weekend with Theo Von - January 06, 2022

E374 Robbie Williams and Mark Hayes

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