This Past Weekend with Theo Von - E374 Robbie Williams and Mark Hayes

00:00:00.000 Welcome to the show today, guys. I want to let you know that I have some tour dates.

00:00:05.020 If you want to see me in live, in the live space, visual, real time, they call it IRL.

00:00:12.740 Jacksonville, Florida, February 2nd, I'll be there.

00:00:16.040 St. Petersburg, Florida, February 3rd.

00:00:19.400 Orlando, Florida, February 5th.

00:00:22.540 Lafayette, Indiana, February 24th.

00:00:24.780 Rockford, Illinois, February 25th.

00:00:26.820 Chicago, Illinois, February 26th.

00:00:30.980 Tulsa, Oklahoma, oh, that's sold out now, May 6th.

00:00:34.080 We may add one there.

00:00:35.760 And then Los Angeles, California at the Wiltern, May 7th.

00:00:39.940 That is all Return of the Rat Tour.

00:00:42.580 You can grab those tickets or on sale now, theovahn.com slash tour.

00:00:48.560 Today's guests are two men who are from another country.

00:00:54.780 And they left their country.

00:00:58.720 I'm not sure why exactly, but that's what they did.

00:01:04.260 And we're very happy to have them here today.

00:01:08.080 They are one of the most, one of the greatest selling artists of all time, of modern time, of all B.C.

00:01:22.040 Or A.D.

00:01:23.740 Mr. Robbie Williams and comedian Mark Hayes.

00:01:30.080 Shine that light on me

00:01:34.640 I'll sit and tell you my stories

00:01:40.660 Shine on me

00:01:45.340 And I will find a song

00:01:49.560 I'll be singing just for you

00:01:53.080 Yeah, what's the most fancy thing you ever, that you bought for yourself?

00:02:03.140 What's the most fancy thing that I ever bought for myself?

00:02:07.840 Bought a really big house.

00:02:11.120 Yeah, I bought a really, really big house.

00:02:16.020 Like, because I had a place that I would say was, like, quite humble for me.

00:02:21.300 Yeah, looking back.

00:02:22.720 Yeah.

00:02:23.260 And that was like a mansion.

00:02:25.080 Yeah.

00:02:25.320 It was like a mansion in Beverly Hills in a gated community.

00:02:29.660 Wow.

00:02:29.760 But, then I just was like, I want to put my foot down on this and out the john it.

00:02:36.360 Bought a place in Beverly Hills that's 20 acres.

00:02:40.380 That you have right now?

00:02:41.520 Yeah.

00:02:41.900 Oh, yeah.

00:02:42.320 20 acres.

00:02:43.780 This might be rich, dog.

00:02:45.740 20 acres.

00:02:46.760 30,000 square foot.

00:02:49.340 No way!

00:02:50.860 Yeah.

00:02:51.460 Wait, that's 20 acres.

00:02:52.860 Jesus.

00:02:53.200 Yeah.

00:02:54.080 Dude, you could have, are there rooms that you haven't been in in months?

00:02:58.320 I've got, I've got, I've got,

00:02:59.760 27 toilets.

00:03:01.220 Wow.

00:03:01.860 That's unreal, isn't it?

00:03:03.060 Yeah.

00:03:04.040 That's.

00:03:04.700 But let me tell you the thinking.

00:03:06.460 Yeah.

00:03:06.660 Okay, sorry.

00:03:07.540 So, the thinking is this.

00:03:08.840 Let me push this back.

00:03:11.940 So, you make some money.

00:03:13.620 Yeah.

00:03:14.160 And then you want to keep that money.

00:03:16.940 Right.

00:03:17.380 And then you want to do things that you understand.

00:03:19.800 And I don't understand much.

00:03:23.180 So, I genuinely, you know, and you've got all these stocks and shares

00:03:29.080 and investments that you can make.

00:03:30.740 I don't understand them.

00:03:31.840 Right.

00:03:32.140 What do I understand?

00:03:33.400 I understand bricks and mortar.

00:03:35.220 Right.

00:03:35.780 So, if I have some bricks and mortar and the stock market and everything goes

00:03:40.000 to hell in a handbasket, it still exists.

00:03:44.220 The bricks and mortar will be there.

00:03:46.180 So, I took the money out of the investments and invested it into bricks and mortar.

00:03:49.880 Yeah.

00:03:50.280 And bought this place, 20 acres, 30,000 square foot, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

00:03:54.360 And you're just like, ah, I did a grown-up thing.

00:03:58.540 I did a grown-up thing.

00:03:59.780 Yeah.

00:04:00.220 And I'm really proud of myself.

00:04:02.540 And then you go, right, okay.

00:04:04.700 What you don't take into consideration is 20 acres needs tending in Beverly Hills.

00:04:09.420 Oh, yeah.

00:04:09.980 So, you need two gardeners and then-

00:04:13.740 That's where I come in.

00:04:14.460 And here are.

00:04:15.100 Really?

00:04:15.460 Hold on.

00:04:15.960 Hold on.

00:04:16.460 Hold on, though.

00:04:17.160 So, then you've got your insurance for the house.

00:04:20.140 So, the insurance on the house because of the fires is 700 grand.

00:04:25.120 Wait.

00:04:25.620 So, the insurance because of fires is 700 grand a year?

00:04:28.240 Yeah.

00:04:28.640 What?

00:04:29.820 Seriously?

00:04:30.520 Yeah.

00:04:30.780 And then you have your house tax thing each year, which is 400,000.

00:04:36.780 So, basically, what you don't take into consideration when you're buying bricks and mortar, especially

00:04:42.020 in California, is that, okay, so, you need two gardeners, three housekeepers, a house manager.

00:04:50.420 Wow.

00:04:51.320 I have security.

00:04:52.800 Oh, yeah.

00:04:53.540 Two nannies.

00:04:55.540 It's for you.

00:04:56.700 Yeah.

00:04:57.620 Just for me.

00:04:58.600 Yeah.

00:04:58.820 So, basically, what I'm saying is you can't win anyway because the tax of actually, like

00:05:09.180 the life tax, the head tax of having a property that big, you just can't enjoy it.

00:05:17.040 Laugh off the mic a little.

00:05:18.480 Sorry.

00:05:18.740 It's good.

00:05:19.260 You come downstairs and you see 11 cars parked in your car park outside and they all work at

00:05:25.160 yours.

00:05:25.820 Wow.

00:05:26.140 So, you know, I'm basically wandering around a super yacht on land.

00:05:33.460 Oh.

00:05:34.180 So, it's sort of like drain.

00:05:36.180 It's like a super yacht drain, but on land.

00:05:39.880 Why?

00:05:40.080 Because you constantly just see the money going by, you mean?

00:05:42.500 Yeah.

00:05:43.180 Yeah.

00:05:43.600 You just see, I walk down and I-

00:05:45.320 Everything looks like an expense, kind of?

00:05:46.840 Well, I walk into the kitchen today and there is one, two, three, four, five, six, seven,

00:05:52.900 eight people.

00:05:54.160 What?

00:05:54.400 And none of them are my family.

00:05:55.640 Oh, damn, brother.

00:05:58.100 Do you know what I mean?

00:05:58.680 And they're all doing a job for me.

00:06:02.160 And so, it's just like, you know, like an old taxi where you're just sort of like watching

00:06:07.780 the cash go up and up.

00:06:09.860 Oh.

00:06:10.680 Even earlier when I walked in, how many people were like cooking food?

00:06:14.780 There was eight people in the kitchen.

00:06:16.340 Yeah.

00:06:16.740 It's unreal.

00:06:17.060 Not including us and the four kids.

00:06:20.080 Yeah.

00:06:20.860 That's why it was like, it feels homely here.

00:06:22.320 Yeah.

00:06:22.520 Because there were so many people and like the food was cooking.

00:06:24.780 Oh, that's nice.

00:06:26.000 So, my big expense.

00:06:27.520 Yeah.

00:06:28.080 Is on people that work for me.

00:06:30.760 Right.

00:06:31.040 I'm not a big, I'm not a big sort of needless.

00:06:38.200 For example, if I want a like bling watch, I'm like, love hip hop.

00:06:43.080 I want a bling watch too.

00:06:44.540 I then get in touch with the company and see what I can do for the company to get the watch

00:06:50.640 for free.

00:06:51.120 Oh, I see.

00:06:51.860 So, you like to save money in some senses.

00:06:55.540 I don't know what that is.

00:06:57.120 That's what we.

00:06:59.180 Anyway, back to what we were talking on the way in.

00:07:01.220 That's the level of money I'm willing to spend on a studio is one where you have to hear something

00:07:05.660 in the distance every day.

00:07:07.800 Anxiety.

00:07:08.440 So, what's going on?

00:07:10.000 I don't know, man.

00:07:11.300 I think I just get overwhelmed.

00:07:13.160 I don't like being like a boss.

00:07:14.900 I don't like having, like once comedy kind of started to turn more also into podcasting,

00:07:20.080 you have to like, you know, help get things done and make sure that everything runs smoothly

00:07:25.560 and it just becomes a bit like, I think it just starts to exhaust me.

00:07:30.460 I don't get to be as creative, you know?

00:07:32.480 So, when I'm listening to you say that you have help and people are helping you, I'm like,

00:07:37.000 that really perks my ears up because I'm like.

00:07:39.200 But then you just have another level of problems.

00:07:41.680 Before you got anxiety about being the boss, you were anxious about something else.

00:07:46.020 Yeah.

00:07:46.760 So, you're just swapping problems.

00:07:49.160 Yeah.

00:07:50.420 But mine sounds like a better problem than yours.

00:07:53.140 It does.

00:07:53.440 Yeah.

00:07:53.920 Yours is a fountain out front of it.

00:07:55.740 Yeah.

00:07:56.600 No, but yeah, my problem does feel better than yours.

00:08:00.200 Yeah.

00:08:01.120 I win.

00:08:04.320 Who's got better problems?

00:08:05.740 That would be almost a great game show.

00:08:07.320 It's just like somebody's like, I've got Down syndrome and somebody else is like,

00:08:11.140 I've got anxiety and people vote in the crowd.

00:08:14.140 I'd be like, I have diarrhea.

00:08:17.620 Yeah.

00:08:19.000 I got a paper cut.

00:08:21.000 I chafed a nipple.

00:08:23.240 But here, do you know when you were growing up?

00:08:23.960 Yeah, I wore a soft shirt.

00:08:25.520 There was no anxiety when you were growing up, was there?

00:08:28.120 Yeah, was there or not?

00:08:30.000 No, you didn't know it was anxiety.

00:08:31.700 Basically, you're just on high alert all of the time because I'm from not a lot of money.

00:08:38.140 I mean, I'm from a rough area.

00:08:40.440 Like Billy Elliot.

00:08:42.100 Exactly like Billy Elliot.

00:08:43.560 Yeah.

00:08:43.860 Like Billy Elliot.

00:08:44.500 I love that movie.

00:08:45.380 So there's no anxiety.

00:08:47.280 But like I thought that when I was growing up, I had like a psychic ability to know that

00:08:54.080 there was going to be trouble.

00:08:55.640 That was, I thought that it was like, I've got this inbuilt radar that detects trouble.

00:09:02.240 But actually what it is, is you're around sociopaths and psychopaths.

00:09:06.920 So you're actually scared all of the time.

00:09:10.280 That's fucking funny.

00:09:11.280 Yeah, all of the time, just living in fear all of the time.

00:09:16.380 And like my wife, who's from Beverly Hills.

00:09:18.660 Yeah.

00:09:19.340 She's had an en suite all of her life.

00:09:22.380 I'm from a place where we had a bath on Sunday and I was a third in the bath.

00:09:27.620 Third in the water, huh?

00:09:29.000 Third in the water.

00:09:29.920 Yeah, you freaking collecting coins at that point.

00:09:32.200 My grandma, right?

00:09:34.140 My grandma.

00:09:35.080 First in.

00:09:36.000 Didn't have a indoor toilet until 1983.

00:09:41.120 Really?

00:09:41.720 Yeah.

00:09:42.220 Just out in the alley?

00:09:43.080 Out in the yard.

00:09:44.280 Wow.

00:09:44.700 Yeah.

00:09:45.360 It's almost hot.

00:09:46.080 She could, she could have an OnlyFans now.

00:09:48.340 That's what's crazy.

00:09:49.580 Yeah.

00:09:49.940 Is that now that, but that's, so your grandma's toilet.

00:09:53.540 Somebody would pay for it.

00:09:54.880 I'm sure Colin or Jake, one of these guys would freaking chip in on it.

00:09:57.860 I've seen some pretty dark stuff.

00:10:00.680 I'm sure.

00:10:02.620 But yeah.

00:10:03.820 So what we, so we, so you, a lot of fear.

00:10:05.780 So you always felt fear.

00:10:06.680 Cause one of my first feelings that I ever remember in the whole world is being afraid.

00:10:10.520 Yeah.

00:10:12.300 Yeah.

00:10:13.020 My, my, my first memory is lucid dreaming that I could fly.

00:10:18.440 Oh, damn.

00:10:19.540 And then I woke up and nearly threw myself down the stairs.

00:10:23.080 Oh, damn.

00:10:23.540 Like that.

00:10:24.600 Yeah.

00:10:24.840 But I, because I was born in a pub.

00:10:27.480 Were you there?

00:10:27.820 Yeah.

00:10:28.120 Yeah.

00:10:28.360 So like.

00:10:29.140 No, really?

00:10:29.740 We lived in a pub for my first four years.

00:10:31.860 So I know that my first memory, I must have been three or under and it was lucid dreaming.

00:10:39.180 Who are you?

00:10:41.460 Who am I?

00:10:42.200 Yeah.

00:10:42.560 Cause I, I've just been doing a load of talking and you're just sitting here with Robbie Williams

00:10:47.100 and Mark Hayes.

00:10:47.880 I mean, we'll, we'll do an intro in the beginning too.

00:10:50.700 And you guys are mates and you guys are from another country.

00:10:53.680 Oh yeah.

00:10:54.240 Ireland, England.

00:10:55.240 Two separate countries.

00:10:56.320 Two separate countries.

00:10:57.080 Yeah.

00:10:57.260 It's all the same to Americans.

00:10:58.380 Yeah.

00:10:58.800 Yeah.

00:10:59.140 To us, I think it does run together.

00:11:00.900 You know, I feel like America's getting so weird.

00:11:03.240 People are starting to go back.

00:11:04.500 I've been seeing like Mayflowers and stuff ads on the internet for like the new Mayflower

00:11:08.620 and it's heading back across to England.

00:11:11.600 I think people are.

00:11:12.580 The Titanic is going home.

00:11:13.840 A big cook.

00:11:14.640 Yeah.

00:11:15.100 I think people are willing to take on an iceberg just to maybe change the scope of things.

00:11:19.260 Here's the thing though.

00:11:20.080 I think America is so good.

00:11:22.180 No matter how mental it gets, we'll still come.

00:11:25.620 Yeah.

00:11:26.060 Yeah.

00:11:27.020 Cause you're just like, you just see Baywatch or you see like MTV.

00:11:30.400 Oh yeah.

00:11:30.820 Oh yeah.

00:11:31.160 I want that.

00:11:32.080 Yeah.

00:11:32.300 You see one warm tit on a show.

00:11:34.300 Yeah.

00:11:34.720 And you're just like, oh, this is better than a cold tit.

00:11:38.140 I've, I've lived in LA for 21 years and I, I don't know if you have this with LA or you

00:11:44.960 have this at all, but like every five years I'll try and leave LA.

00:11:49.600 Something will happen where I'll just get pissed off and there'll be like a, a bunch of things

00:11:55.680 or a bunch of people where I'm just like, you've really let me down in only a way that

00:12:00.980 people in Los Angeles can let me down.

00:12:02.840 Oh yeah, that's true.

00:12:03.920 And then I go, no, no, no.

00:12:05.220 And I am leaving.

00:12:06.500 And then I get on the plane and I take all the dogs and the children and my clothes and

00:12:12.760 a land in England.

00:12:14.000 And, and I got, I need to get back.

00:12:16.880 This is shit.

00:12:18.220 Have you had that happen?

00:12:19.360 All the time.

00:12:20.080 Have you?

00:12:20.540 Every time.

00:12:21.140 I've done it.

00:12:21.460 I've done it four times.

00:12:22.660 Really?

00:12:22.900 Yeah.

00:12:23.140 Like I bought a house in the countryside in England.

00:12:25.900 Wow.

00:12:26.180 Right.

00:12:26.400 I bought this.

00:12:27.520 It's a castle, isn't it?

00:12:28.580 Yeah.

00:12:29.380 Bought this place in the countryside in England.

00:12:31.500 And like, this is our forever home wife and we are living here now and we leave those

00:12:37.620 people, dastardly people in Los Angeles and the children will grow here and will provide

00:12:42.880 memories and I better not tell her that I hate it.

00:12:46.740 And I want to move back second night.

00:12:48.880 Really?

00:12:49.440 Second night of buying the house.

00:12:50.780 I was like, I don't like it.

00:12:52.100 Was that really?

00:12:52.920 Was that the English anxiety coming in?

00:12:55.200 Cause I get that in Ireland, if I went home and like sat in my couch, I'm like, oh, this

00:13:00.560 is where like, I was trying to get away from.

00:13:03.200 Yeah.

00:13:03.720 But do you think it's because something feels like simpler there?

00:13:07.900 Does it feel like not like, what are some of the feelings that would make you think

00:13:12.020 that it's, is it too quiet?

00:13:14.360 Is it too simple?

00:13:16.980 Is it too old fashioned?

00:13:19.180 Like, are there things that make you think like?

00:13:21.360 I think in Ireland, it feels a bit restricted.

00:13:24.720 Whereas in LA, like anything could happen.

00:13:27.620 There's opportunity.

00:13:28.780 Yeah.

00:13:28.900 You're walking.

00:13:29.620 Yeah.

00:13:29.780 And like, sometimes it obviously does.

00:13:32.740 Yeah.

00:13:33.240 Most of the time, obviously it doesn't.

00:13:35.240 Yeah.

00:13:35.500 Yeah.

00:13:35.660 But in Los Angeles, you just think I am going, I'm walking around the corner and Adam Sandler

00:13:41.400 is going to go, we should do a biopic about your life where I play you.

00:13:46.280 And I'm like, yeah, Adam Sandler, that should happen.

00:13:48.400 It's delusional that everyone of all levels.

00:13:51.000 Yeah.

00:13:51.240 There's a guy who's Spider-Man screaming at people.

00:13:54.980 He's like, I think it used to be more like that was a possibility though.

00:13:58.980 You know, I think it used to, I don't, or that used to be certainly a dream.

00:14:02.740 Do you think that's still, I think maybe in our age, that was a dream.

00:14:06.160 Like, you're like, yeah, I can walk down the street and like Eric Estrada is going to

00:14:09.880 walk up or fricking, uh, you know, I'm trying to think of somebody else.

00:14:14.460 Lou Farino.

00:14:15.040 Yeah.

00:14:15.360 Lou Farino, dude.

00:14:16.500 I finally stood behind at a post office one time and his wife, I think he's deaf.

00:14:21.020 I didn't even know that, which makes the whole Incredible Hulk way more messed up.

00:14:25.420 I think dude, painting the deaf guy green is insane.

00:14:28.480 In 21 years of living here, the only thing that has actually happened like that, where

00:14:33.800 somebody walks up to you and offers you something was I was at Galleria 16 in the Valley and I

00:14:40.360 was offered the chance to be the bachelor.

00:14:43.800 Really?

00:14:44.300 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:14:44.960 Do they know who you are?

00:14:45.660 I don't know.

00:14:47.040 Yeah.

00:14:47.380 You have that look.

00:14:48.580 Yeah.

00:14:48.940 Maybe, maybe it was a while ago, but like the only thing that's ever happened was sort

00:14:52.860 of like you could be the bachelor.

00:14:54.180 Yeah.

00:14:54.780 Yeah.

00:14:55.080 I think a lot that, that kind of took over where like, it was like reality shows people

00:14:58.500 could get like the possibility on.

00:14:59.980 Would you be the bachelor?

00:15:00.860 No.

00:15:02.060 No.

00:15:02.480 Why?

00:15:03.480 I just would have, I think I'd have, uh, that's a good question.

00:15:09.400 Why I couldn't be the bachelor, man?

00:15:11.380 I think I would just be kind of scared.

00:15:13.440 I would just be, I don't know.

00:15:15.560 I'd be flirting with the chicks, but then like, I'd be trying to perv out at night probably

00:15:20.780 and like sneak around or something.

00:15:24.200 It was, I don't know.

00:15:25.300 I'd probably get busted, masturbate, you know, it's something bad, something that would make

00:15:28.820 me seem a little bit strange.

00:15:30.380 I think your true self comes out.

00:15:32.980 Yeah.

00:15:33.160 I think my true self, I think my true self can't help, but come out.

00:15:36.200 Okay.

00:15:36.220 Let's, let's, let's pitch that show.

00:15:37.700 Okay.

00:15:38.060 But let's pitch it where it's called something else now, but it's the same as the bachelor,

00:15:42.000 but the pervs.

00:15:42.900 Okay.

00:15:43.400 What streaming service is it on or what TV channel is it on?

00:15:47.780 What's it called?

00:15:50.120 The perv.

00:15:51.120 The perv.

00:15:52.240 Maybe called, uh, who's Tom Thumb?

00:15:56.040 Isn't it a famous character?

00:15:57.240 Tom Thumb?

00:15:58.420 It's, yeah.

00:15:59.220 It's, isn't he a fairy tale or something?

00:16:00.720 Maybe like a peeping Tom, something for peeping Toms, but where they're like doing well.

00:16:05.780 Maybe, maybe you wouldn't be, maybe you'd be the, is it Chris Hansen?

00:16:09.380 Oh yeah.

00:16:09.940 Maybe you'd be the presenter of that.

00:16:11.820 Oh yeah.

00:16:12.840 And then you wouldn't have to be, you wouldn't have to be the perv.

00:16:16.380 Yeah.

00:16:17.020 I could be like the perv wrangler.

00:16:19.160 The perv wrangler.

00:16:20.240 Yeah.

00:16:20.500 I'd be the perv.

00:16:22.080 I'd make a good perv.

00:16:23.320 Hey, listen, straight after this, Ted's around us, hop in the car, we'll go pitch it.

00:16:27.920 Here we come, Mr. Sarandos.

00:16:31.440 Back to the England thing.

00:16:32.640 Yeah.

00:16:33.140 Take some explaining.

00:16:34.340 So you get over there.

00:16:35.880 So this is what happens for me.

00:16:37.420 Okay.

00:16:37.620 Right.

00:16:38.000 So, um, at one point in my life, I was ridiculously famous in a country that you haven't been to.

00:16:45.300 Right.

00:16:45.960 And like, but ridiculously like Michael Jackson style famous.

00:16:50.000 Right.

00:16:50.320 And how old was he?

00:16:51.500 How old was I?

00:16:52.340 Yeah.

00:16:53.180 Um, I became famous when I was 17.

00:16:55.380 Oh man.

00:16:56.440 Yeah.

00:16:56.720 I joined a boy band when I was 16.

00:16:59.240 The boy band took off.

00:17:00.760 And then when I was 21, I left and then I had a solo career and sold 80 million albums.

00:17:07.120 Jesus.

00:17:07.680 Hold the record for the most tickets sold in a day for a tour and blah, blah, blah, blah.

00:17:12.880 And all of that business.

00:17:14.540 So this meets with, I'm sober, right?

00:17:16.840 I'm a sober guy.

00:17:17.620 Right.

00:17:17.820 But this meets with depression and anxiety and mental illness and extreme fame and extreme success.

00:17:27.220 Yeah.

00:17:27.340 And I came to America to promote an album and I'm over here promoting this album and I'm in like Milwaukee and I'm doing a radio station to eight people at seven o'clock in the morning.

00:17:42.540 Yeah.

00:17:42.760 And like, I already have like millions in the bank and a huge following and like, I'm in Milwaukee and I'm depressed and I'm anxious and there's a guy going, gee, Robbie, that was a great performance.

00:17:55.160 I hope we can play your record.

00:17:57.540 And like, it's seven o'clock in the fucking morning.

00:18:00.860 What's this hope I can play your record shit?

00:18:02.960 And so I'm going around America doing all of this stuff and I'm like going, hang on.

00:18:08.380 So all of this fame's making me anxious and depressed.

00:18:13.480 And if I go to America, I'm famous in Papua New Guinea if I'm famous in America.

00:18:18.460 Right.

00:18:19.320 So this realization is happening as I'm traveling through America trying to break America.

00:18:24.680 And then I can remember doing like a rock the vote performance in New York.

00:18:30.360 Like, and I've never voted in my life.

00:18:32.960 And I'm trying to tell the kids to vote.

00:18:35.680 And I'm like, this is, this is not authentic.

00:18:39.620 And then I'm like, hang on.

00:18:41.280 What am I doing here?

00:18:42.160 Why am I trying to break this?

00:18:44.060 Why don't I go and live there, live in anonymity and then have a nice life?

00:18:50.920 So the pair, the grownup driving the car made a decision to not promote in America and not do anything.

00:18:56.820 So 21 years ago, I moved here and turned everything down.

00:19:01.200 Wow.

00:19:01.420 I was offered in the States.

00:19:02.960 Like the bachelor?

00:19:04.300 Like the bachelor, yeah.

00:19:06.160 So basically, this is what happens is that I live in anonymity here and I really, really enjoy that.

00:19:12.680 Wow.

00:19:13.320 Then I tried to move back to my home country and remember that I have no anonymity there.

00:19:18.620 And that makes me feel anxious and depressed.

00:19:20.900 Wow.

00:19:21.160 And then I moved back to Los Angeles.

00:19:23.160 So that's basically what happened.

00:19:24.940 You know, keeping things fresh is tantamount.

00:19:29.600 It's paramount.

00:19:31.800 It's important.

00:19:32.580 It's one of the premier things.

00:19:35.580 And I have trouble keeping things fresh.

00:19:37.460 You know, I'm not a real, I'm not that fresh man.

00:19:40.760 I'm not that fresh.

00:19:41.960 If you look at the, in the crisper drawer in my house, you're not going to, there's nothing in there.

00:19:46.220 You know, I don't really have that much, that much that's fresh in my world.

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00:19:56.520 One Peloton.

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00:20:12.660 It's easy to stick to your goals when you freshen them up, when you spray a little bit of that.

00:20:18.140 Imagine it's taking your goal, one of your goals and opening its dang mouth and just spraying a mint.

00:20:23.180 Breath men in there.

00:20:25.480 Damn.

00:20:26.760 Beautiful.

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00:21:15.040 You know, man, I've had a lot of unmanageability in my brain.

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00:22:39.720 That's insane.

00:22:40.980 What a crazy that that Los Angeles would be a place that you would come for comfort.

00:22:45.560 I feel like, you know.

00:22:46.900 Yeah.

00:22:47.440 But it's interesting.

00:22:49.080 A lot of rappers, they say that they don't like to live in their hometown

00:22:53.580 because people will kill them, you know.

00:22:55.400 Like a lot of like, like little Boosie was in here

00:22:57.860 and he said he doesn't like to live in Louisiana

00:23:00.600 because people will kill him there because they get jealous and stuff like that.

00:23:04.400 Is there a lot of that kind of stuff in England?

00:23:06.760 I've never, I've never ever said this, but yeah.

00:23:09.260 I had a contract to help me to kill me.

00:23:11.000 No way.

00:23:11.500 Yeah.

00:23:11.940 Jesus.

00:23:12.580 Never said it publicly ever.

00:23:13.980 Wow.

00:23:14.380 Fucking hell.

00:23:15.280 Did you put it out for yourself?

00:23:16.740 Yeah, yeah.

00:23:17.540 Was it PR?

00:23:18.860 Yeah.

00:23:19.940 Yeah.

00:23:20.420 No.

00:23:21.080 Is it still out?

00:23:22.240 No.

00:23:22.500 Does it go away?

00:23:23.720 Went away.

00:23:24.640 Jesus.

00:23:25.120 What happened?

00:23:25.980 I have friends.

00:23:28.600 Damn.

00:23:29.120 Yeah, I have friends.

00:23:30.520 But like, you know, that stuff sort of is the unseen stuff

00:23:35.120 that happens when you become famous.

00:23:38.380 Because you were insanely, yeah.

00:23:39.600 Being insanely famous, I can't even fathom, you know.

00:23:42.740 Like I've been over to like, like I've spent time around Justin Bieber.

00:23:46.140 That kind of stuff is insane, you know, to see.

00:23:48.420 Um, some of these UFC guys, it gets pretty insane.

00:23:52.400 Really?

00:23:52.800 Yeah.

00:23:53.360 But I can't, because it.

00:23:56.880 Did you feel like you needed to escape then?

00:23:59.600 Or did you feel like you were just going?

00:24:02.480 Did you feel like you were leaving England?

00:24:04.320 Like you wanted to leave?

00:24:05.480 Or did you feel like you wanted to go somewhere else?

00:24:08.160 If that makes any sense.

00:24:10.080 Well, there's that, there's that, there's like a few levels of fame

00:24:15.600 and what it does to you.

00:24:17.340 And the first one is, fuck.

00:24:20.000 And there's a couple more I can't remember.

00:24:21.880 But the fourth one is like acceptance.

00:24:25.060 You know, you sort of rally against this,

00:24:28.540 your privacy being taken away from you.

00:24:30.400 And you, you rally against it by, um, trying to be normal and try to be normal.

00:24:37.260 But also I'm going to be small.

00:24:38.900 So you don't beat me up.

00:24:40.240 I'm a dickhead.

00:24:42.340 Don't hurt me.

00:24:43.600 And I'm going to go to all the normal places.

00:24:46.060 I can't go because people want to kill me.

00:24:49.060 And, but it takes a while to get to acceptance.

00:24:53.280 That you can't do it.

00:24:54.660 Yeah.

00:24:55.520 And then.

00:24:56.200 Could you go to the shop in England?

00:24:57.200 Uh, yeah, I, I, I, I could with my COVID mask on.

00:25:04.320 Oh yeah.

00:25:04.700 But you couldn't just like walk down the street and pop in.

00:25:07.280 Nah.

00:25:08.240 Really?

00:25:08.840 Nah.

00:25:09.800 It would have caused like, oh fuck.

00:25:12.060 Well, you know, it's like, I have anxiety and I don't like meeting strangers.

00:25:18.540 Oh yeah.

00:25:19.120 But like strangers want to meet me.

00:25:21.720 Yeah.

00:25:22.120 And I feel really uncomfortable about it.

00:25:24.600 And it's like thinking about it now actually gives me anxiety.

00:25:29.820 So it's like, it's a trigger.

00:25:31.480 It's like, and also you've got to be the mayor of the best town that anybody's ever visited.

00:25:37.200 Oh yeah.

00:25:37.540 Or else people go, he's one of those famous people that are a dick.

00:25:40.540 Oh yeah.

00:25:40.840 You got to be the nicest guy every time.

00:25:42.660 The nicest.

00:25:43.500 And actually.

00:25:44.460 That's hard.

00:25:44.960 I, I, I hate having my picture taken.

00:25:47.400 Oh.

00:25:47.760 I fucking hate it.

00:25:49.380 I hate it with my wife.

00:25:50.840 Oh yeah.

00:25:51.280 Like she does Instagram and I'm just like, fuck off this.

00:25:54.980 No.

00:25:55.840 Like the, the act of having a picture taken makes me go, for whatever reason that is.

00:26:02.020 Probably because so much use in the Chinese believe this.

00:26:04.860 And I don't really even believe in the Chinese a lot of times, but I believe.

00:26:08.240 That it takes your soul.

00:26:09.580 Yeah.

00:26:10.100 It's not the, I thought it was like.

00:26:11.800 The Indians.

00:26:12.480 I thought it was the Indians.

00:26:13.740 I think that's a made up.

00:26:15.300 Well, the Chinese borrowed it because I remember I, I was in China one time trying to take a picture

00:26:19.360 of somebody and they're like, no, no, no, no.

00:26:20.820 They come up and try to cover the camera.

00:26:22.800 Yeah.

00:26:22.880 They don't want, cause it like, they said like it captures a little bit of you.

00:26:26.080 So I think it could make sense that after someone has been so like, and I don't want

00:26:30.460 to use the term exploited, but you, you know, so much of your image and your voice and everything

00:26:35.160 is used for, uh, artwork or ambiance or transaction or whatever, that something's got to leave out

00:26:45.340 of your spirit.

00:26:45.840 It seems like, it seemed like it would, do you feel that at all?

00:26:48.540 Did you ever?

00:26:49.600 Well, then it takes a bit of your soul.

00:26:51.240 Yeah.

00:26:51.580 Maybe subconsciously that's what it is that makes me feel anxious about it.

00:26:56.340 But the, what happens in the process is this, is that I'm a chronic people pleaser too.

00:27:00.940 Yeah.

00:27:01.460 It's like, I want you to think that I'm the nicest person that you've ever met, because

00:27:05.540 if you don't and you go away having a bad time, having met me, I'll feel really awful.

00:27:13.000 But also at the same time, but also at the same time, it's like, I,

00:27:18.920 I don't want you to have any time with me at all.

00:27:21.820 So I, I, what I do is I become agoraphobic, but like happily agoraphobic.

00:27:28.220 And what is agoraphobic?

00:27:29.800 Not like crops or something, huh?

00:27:32.780 Agoraphobic is like where you're scared.

00:27:34.080 Is that what I'm talking about?

00:27:34.780 No, it's where you're, that's agriculture.

00:27:36.840 Agoraphobic is like where you're scared of going outside.

00:27:39.520 Oh.

00:27:40.280 But I'm not scared of going outside.

00:27:42.640 I just don't want to.

00:27:44.280 Yeah.

00:27:44.540 So, but it's either, but I, I do it also here in Los Angeles where I'm not known is that

00:27:51.700 I'm not bothered to go outside.

00:27:54.780 Yeah.

00:27:55.140 I've been outside.

00:27:56.500 I've been outside.

00:27:57.580 I've been outside.

00:27:58.680 Good job.

00:27:59.320 One thing, if it gets interesting, I think, and if you want to have a bad time, first of

00:28:02.400 I'll go see one of Mark's shows that'll definitely put you fucking down the dumps.

00:28:07.920 Yeah.

00:28:08.100 You'll need to call a janitor to help you.

00:28:11.200 But it's interesting that one of the things that happens is you have with people, you have

00:28:16.400 the same interaction over and over again, that it gets to be not mundane because each

00:28:21.620 person is, you know, they're a new soul and you're, you know, there's, but it becomes,

00:28:26.920 there does become a repetition to it.

00:28:28.780 And sometimes I think as somebody that's creative, repetition isn't something that makes you feel

00:28:34.380 comfortable maybe, or that you're like attracted to kind of.

00:28:38.800 So I think sometimes that can be a little bit strange.

00:28:42.360 Does that make any sense?

00:28:43.780 Well, there is the repetition, but there's also being an introvert, doing an extrovert's

00:28:48.960 job.

00:28:49.540 Yeah.

00:28:50.100 It's like my job is to be an extrovert, but actually why I was taking all of those drugs

00:28:54.780 is to make me feel okay.

00:28:55.900 Cause I'm an introvert.

00:28:56.920 Yeah.

00:28:57.120 Is I, I want to be the life and soul of the party.

00:29:01.340 Uh, and I also want to have things in common with everybody and, you know, but I haven't

00:29:09.100 because actually what I want to do is just stay in my bedroom all day.

00:29:13.700 It's crazy that being on stage is the only time probably you get to do both.

00:29:18.540 Yeah.

00:29:19.700 Well, maybe you've got kids.

00:29:21.020 I don't have no kids, man.

00:29:22.640 Have you managed that?

00:29:23.600 I don't know.

00:29:24.620 I just think I can't, I'm, I'm not that good at sex.

00:29:27.480 I'm not like a pre, like if somebody were picking people for basketball for, but it was

00:29:30.820 for sex, they'd be like, you know, I'd be the guy at the end.

00:29:33.720 That's like, Hey, what about me?

00:29:35.020 You know?

00:29:35.420 So, but I think I just haven't really, um, I don't know.

00:29:40.240 I want, I think I want to, I'm 41, I'm 40, I'm 40.

00:29:44.440 You look that up.

00:29:45.320 I'm 40 or 41.

00:29:47.280 I'm 40 or 41.

00:29:49.680 So what do you think is going to, I mean, I want to have a, I need to have a family.

00:29:52.720 So I'm trying to get some help right now for like, I got a lot of commitment issues.

00:29:56.360 41.

00:29:56.860 There you go.

00:29:57.640 Bam.

00:29:58.900 So, um, do you go to therapy?

00:30:01.540 Yeah.

00:30:01.960 So I'll go to therapy at 5 PM tomorrow and I'm thinking about going away next month, doing

00:30:06.640 like a couple of week or month men's retreat somewhere to work on like intimacy issues.

00:30:12.320 I just have a lot of like commitment.

00:30:14.540 I just really have a tough time committing.

00:30:17.220 Just fucking do it.

00:30:18.640 Yeah.

00:30:18.860 I like your attitude.

00:30:19.780 No, but no.

00:30:20.260 I'm on the other side.

00:30:21.600 Don't do it.

00:30:22.900 Yeah.

00:30:23.240 This guy is the worst.

00:30:24.660 Yeah.

00:30:24.800 But he's so unconscious.

00:30:26.100 Yeah.

00:30:26.340 Oh, he is unconscious.

00:30:27.040 He's completely and utterly unconscious.

00:30:29.600 It's like he, you've, you've stripped away all of your stuff.

00:30:33.780 You, you're, you're sober, right?

00:30:34.980 Yeah.

00:30:35.320 Okay.

00:30:35.680 So you're a sober guy.

00:30:37.060 You don't get the joy of being unconscious.

00:30:40.620 You, you, you see your problems and you go, oh, I've got to deal with that.

00:30:44.820 He's dealing with nothing.

00:30:46.280 No, no, he's not.

00:30:47.260 It's great.

00:30:47.800 He's, yeah, he's in the HOV lane.

00:30:49.640 He has nobody in the car with him.

00:30:50.960 Yeah.

00:30:51.360 And he's not even in a car.

00:30:52.740 He's moving backwards.

00:30:54.440 Yeah.

00:30:54.560 He's moving backwards.

00:30:55.640 Yeah.

00:30:55.820 He's moving backwards and he's walking backwards.

00:30:58.600 I enjoy it.

00:30:59.340 Yeah, he does.

00:30:59.980 That's the thing.

00:31:00.820 Because, yeah, I was just thinking it's better to be unconscious.

00:31:03.640 Oh, he's like a hot, dumb girl trapped in a daft man over here.

00:31:07.340 I feel it in a way, man.

00:31:08.640 And I say that lovingly, bud.

00:31:09.840 I say, I say, I say that lovingly too.

00:31:12.260 I say that with like pangs of jealousy.

00:31:15.420 Yeah.

00:31:16.300 Oh yeah.

00:31:16.820 To be just happy and just, he's the happiest guy.

00:31:19.720 I call him sometimes just to get happiness out of him.

00:31:22.360 Sometimes he, he told me a funny thing.

00:31:24.120 He goes, the more I get to know you, the sadder it is.

00:31:26.300 But like, you're in that predicament where it's like, it's bad, but it's not bad enough.

00:31:36.360 Not bad enough for a minute.

00:31:37.160 I don't know if it ever will be.

00:31:38.120 Yeah, that's it.

00:31:38.720 It just stays above the zone.

00:31:40.540 Yeah.

00:31:40.740 Because like mine is sort of like, you know, break out in handcuffs, lock me up.

00:31:44.840 Really?

00:31:45.560 Oh yeah.

00:31:46.040 Lose wife, lose kids, lose job, lose everything.

00:31:49.780 Oh yeah.

00:31:50.460 I wouldn't have that.

00:31:51.320 You need to get famous so bad things can happen to you.

00:31:54.800 Oh, it would be bad for him.

00:31:56.380 It really would.

00:31:57.360 Yeah.

00:31:57.680 Like he hasn't got a fucking clue.

00:31:59.660 He would be busted immediately for something.

00:32:01.100 Yeah.

00:32:02.120 So you just need, you need a bit of fame.

00:32:05.100 Yeah.

00:32:05.280 You actually, just stay where you are.

00:32:07.100 You're good.

00:32:08.480 Yeah.

00:32:08.760 Just right in the zone.

00:32:09.720 Oh yeah.

00:32:09.940 You're in a perfect spot, Mark.

00:32:11.000 You're always having fun.

00:32:12.040 He loves chasing the ladies and the ladies love him somehow, you know?

00:32:15.760 Yeah, they really do.

00:32:16.820 It's charm, I think.

00:32:17.960 It's good looks.

00:32:18.880 Mostly good looks.

00:32:21.860 It's charm.

00:32:22.660 Charm, charm.

00:32:23.380 It's charm.

00:32:23.900 It's that Pete Davidson thing.

00:32:25.180 Yeah.

00:32:26.600 Yeah, dude.

00:32:27.620 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:32:28.680 It's probably good hair.

00:32:29.780 He looks like Pete Moss Davidson, you know?

00:32:32.660 What, from Culture Club?

00:32:34.660 No, who's Pete Moss?

00:32:35.440 Bring up Pete Moss.

00:32:36.340 Can you bring it up?

00:32:36.980 P-E-A-T-M-O-S-S?

00:32:43.420 There you are.

00:32:44.880 Yeah, he's like Pete Moss Davidson.

00:32:46.560 It's just an actual, yeah, there you go.

00:32:48.100 Look at that Preserved Forest Moss.

00:32:49.640 That's him right there.

00:32:50.720 That's my hair.

00:32:51.520 Get a good look at him.

00:32:52.400 Yep.

00:32:53.520 Yep.

00:32:54.280 Yep, that's him.

00:32:55.920 Is that the reference that you were going for?

00:32:57.660 Yeah.

00:32:58.020 Oh, yeah.

00:32:59.000 Yeah, just kind of a damaged fern.

00:33:02.520 I take all these as compliments.

00:33:04.360 Yeah.

00:33:04.680 Yeah, sometimes I think, did you have like a lot of problems with like commitment and stuff like that?

00:33:12.940 Was it hard for you to get a wife?

00:33:14.080 I mean, I'm sure it was easy because.

00:33:15.200 Okay, so it was genuinely the biggest leap of faith to ever make.

00:33:22.640 Wow.

00:33:23.480 And I could have missed it.

00:33:25.600 And it was a sliding doors moment.

00:33:28.300 And you may have missed the perfect person for you.

00:33:33.580 It's too late.

00:33:34.200 No, you stay away.

00:33:36.700 Well, here's.

00:33:37.460 Okay.

00:33:37.920 So he does better.

00:33:38.920 He's better.

00:33:39.140 Okay.

00:33:39.320 So here's the thing, right?

00:33:40.480 Yeah.

00:33:40.800 I mean, I'm anxious.

00:33:42.460 I'm depressed.

00:33:43.960 I can't keep my penis in my pants.

00:33:46.340 Yeah.

00:33:46.560 I can't look after myself.

00:33:49.500 How the hell am I going to turn up and be a decent human being for another person?

00:33:54.940 Right.

00:33:55.260 Exactly.

00:33:55.980 I'm listening now.

00:33:56.800 Yeah.

00:33:57.100 I'll lean in.

00:33:57.760 Yeah.

00:33:58.340 Okay.

00:33:58.920 So that's what I was thinking.

00:34:01.680 It's like, I can't do this.

00:34:04.600 I can't be the person that I want to be or the person that you need me to be.

00:34:08.880 So I'm not going to bother.

00:34:09.980 Right.

00:34:10.260 But as it happens, 17 years later, four kids later, I am that guy.

00:34:16.980 And I was that guy.

00:34:18.640 And I was given the, I gave myself the opportunity to be that guy.

00:34:22.920 My beautiful wife gave me the opportunity to be that guy and believed in me.

00:34:28.860 But did you just say one day I'm that guy?

00:34:30.940 Did you go to like therapy?

00:34:32.320 Did you do other things you did that helped you get there?

00:34:35.120 It's like giving up drinking or giving up drugs.

00:34:37.920 Yeah.

00:34:38.100 It genuinely is one day at a time.

00:34:40.260 17 years worth of days later with my wife.

00:34:43.580 Wow.

00:34:43.940 I'm in a monogamous relationship with somebody that I really like, who's really cool, really

00:34:49.780 great to look at, really smart and really creative.

00:34:54.020 And you can be that guy.

00:34:57.920 Yeah, me too.

00:34:59.140 You can't.

00:35:00.820 You can't.

00:35:01.500 You're so far away from being that guy.

00:35:03.860 It does sound like a big leap of faith.

00:35:06.260 Oh, it's the biggest.

00:35:07.240 Because not only that, she gets half if I'm not that guy.

00:35:12.420 That's what I was going to say.

00:35:13.380 Because then you, I like to project in the future and be like, ah, yeah, but if it doesn't work, so fuck it.

00:35:19.040 Don't leap.

00:35:20.340 But you're more, if your wife, that's got to be crazy to go to bed at night and know if your wife kills you, she's coming up roses.

00:35:27.560 I don't even think about that bit.

00:35:29.880 But at the start, it was just like, there is.

00:35:33.800 When you asked her, when you said, I mean, you're going to be my girlfriend, were you serious about it when you said it to her?

00:35:38.200 No, I didn't, I didn't say that.

00:35:40.980 I broke up with her three times.

00:35:42.660 I see you were trying to come back.

00:35:45.060 Yeah, like the, and like the first two, first three, the three times that I broke up with her, she didn't even know.

00:35:51.360 She just went, she went back to her house and then like a flatbed truck turned up with a car on it and bin bags full of clothes turned up.

00:36:01.520 Oh, really?

00:36:02.360 Yeah, I was such a pussy.

00:36:04.620 I didn't even tell her that we'd broken up.

00:36:05.900 You didn't even tell her, damn bro, what a savage move.

00:36:09.740 Yeah, but that's a very Irish English move.

00:36:12.500 Yeah.

00:36:12.820 Like, guess what I got you for Christmas, an apartment.

00:36:14.940 Yeah, like, there you go.

00:36:16.540 Yeah.

00:36:17.020 That's insane.

00:36:18.700 Yeah.

00:36:18.900 That's like, I know guys in Ireland who'd be like, yeah, I got a dumper.

00:36:21.640 And next they'll come back and be like, we're engaged.

00:36:23.980 Yeah.

00:36:24.400 Yeah.

00:36:25.020 They're like too weak.

00:36:26.280 Oh, it's most, I think it's most men or it's, it's hard to just communicate with a woman.

00:36:30.940 It's like looking in the face of like.

00:36:34.220 A puppy.

00:36:35.160 Yeah.

00:36:35.600 I'm going to break somebody's heart.

00:36:37.580 Right.

00:36:38.760 And I didn't have the balls to do it, but I was like breaking hearts left, right and center.

00:36:44.080 Because, you know, I am a man of means with a level of fame.

00:36:50.940 Right.

00:36:51.580 So, you know, and not, not, but ugly.

00:36:55.140 So I'm like a good package to people.

00:36:58.720 Right.

00:36:59.040 And those, so like, it'd be just like.

00:37:02.240 Top shelf.

00:37:02.860 A girl would come in and go, right.

00:37:05.320 I, she comes, walks into Pants Down Palace.

00:37:08.280 Oh, yeah.

00:37:09.280 And then goes, I actually pause.

00:37:11.940 I'm going to put a pause on this because I want to wife him.

00:37:15.760 Oh, yeah.

00:37:16.420 Oh, you remember you told me that.

00:37:17.400 So there wasn't a lot of sex happening because girls would just go, this is, this is a good deal.

00:37:24.060 I'm going to, I'm going to.

00:37:25.440 I'm going to play my cards here.

00:37:26.620 Yes.

00:37:27.240 Did you, when, in Britain, what time do y'all lose y'all's virginities at?

00:37:32.320 Like in the UK?

00:37:32.960 Is it like 10 or 11 or is it 17?

00:37:35.900 Like a lot of guys.

00:37:37.700 I'd say it's 15 to 17.

00:37:39.260 Wow.

00:37:40.360 And indoors or outdoors, people doing it more.

00:37:42.440 Usually a field.

00:37:43.340 Oh, wow.

00:37:44.740 Well, I was a latch, latch door.

00:37:48.200 What do you call them in America?

00:37:49.920 Latch key?

00:37:50.400 Latch key kid.

00:37:51.360 So you had the, so you was, if you was home, nobody else, it was just you.

00:37:55.240 Well, yeah.

00:37:55.800 So I took my, the girl back to mine.

00:37:59.660 Oh.

00:38:00.620 And then it was like, I was, I was like, I can't do that.

00:38:04.240 I can't, I'm scared.

00:38:05.020 I can't do this.

00:38:06.060 Of course.

00:38:06.380 And then as she was leaving, I saw all of my friends' faces pointing and laughing at

00:38:11.600 me.

00:38:12.300 Lino and Giuseppe and Emo and Pete and Tate all going, ah, and I was like, no, I must do

00:38:18.480 this.

00:38:19.040 Oh, laughing.

00:38:19.760 I thought you were laughing because you were doing this.

00:38:20.620 No, laughing because I wasn't going to do it.

00:38:22.360 Oh.

00:38:23.020 So I go upstairs and I go into my room and it's a single bed and we can't fit on it.

00:38:28.700 Oh, yeah.

00:38:30.040 Only room.

00:38:31.080 Oh, no way, really?

00:38:32.080 My mom's.

00:38:33.500 That's all right.

00:38:34.240 You're a bad man.

00:38:35.220 What about you, Marky?

00:38:39.240 How'd you get rid of it, huh?

00:38:41.240 I remember I was grounded, so there was a time crunch and this girl was like, oh, my

00:38:46.260 friend wants to meet you.

00:38:47.260 Oh, this is bad.

00:38:47.920 I was wearing white jeans.

00:38:48.900 It was at Christmas.

00:38:49.820 Oh, yeah.

00:38:50.700 And I met her like behind the wall, like we're in muck and stuff.

00:38:53.700 It was raining and she was just kept giving me green lights.

00:38:57.120 Oh, yeah.

00:38:57.740 To keep going.

00:38:58.600 At one point I was on my knees in muck.

00:39:00.680 Oh, God.

00:39:01.440 I didn't have a clue what I was doing.

00:39:02.620 Not a clue.

00:39:03.160 I was just like, instead of raining and stuff and just it happened.

00:39:08.420 But I didn't realize that there was an ending.

00:39:10.900 That's beautiful.

00:39:11.760 I just thought you were just doing it.

00:39:13.580 And I was like, OK.

00:39:15.600 Hold on.

00:39:16.260 So so there was no ending for you?

00:39:18.360 No.

00:39:18.860 Wow.

00:39:19.320 Damn.

00:39:19.820 Because I didn't even know that was a thing.

00:39:21.840 Yeah.

00:39:22.160 But like mine was over in seconds.

00:39:24.140 Mine have always.

00:39:24.940 I've ended.

00:39:25.360 I end sex early.

00:39:26.680 You tap out.

00:39:27.860 I am not.

00:39:28.680 Yeah.

00:39:28.880 People do.

00:39:29.540 When sex is start breaking a sweat.

00:39:31.100 I'm like, how would you ever break a sweat, dude?

00:39:34.980 I can start a TV dinner and I am done with sex.

00:39:38.680 With enough time to fucking be right by the window.

00:39:41.180 I'd have to have sex with people I didn't fancy just to have long sex.

00:39:44.200 Oh, wow.

00:39:45.440 Now we're talking issues.

00:39:47.060 Yeah.

00:39:47.500 That was an Irish thing, too.

00:39:48.680 You'd fantasize.

00:39:49.780 You'd have sex with your bed.

00:39:51.400 But you wouldn't fantasize about the hottest girl is the girl that you would have sex with

00:39:55.820 if no one found out.

00:39:57.080 Oh.

00:39:58.280 So how old were you?

00:40:00.200 I was, I think, maybe I want to say maybe 15 or something behind a bowling alley in our

00:40:05.540 town.

00:40:06.840 And you could hear the pins going down inside, you know, give me power.

00:40:11.040 I felt like it did anyway.

00:40:12.440 You know, just hearing, you know, like people in there just, yes, you know.

00:40:17.260 Here's a question for you.

00:40:19.120 And people started throwing rocks at us as well.

00:40:21.320 Just like in the Gaza Strip.

00:40:23.300 Or like in the Middle East.

00:40:25.480 And I was just doing what I could, man.

00:40:27.780 So they started throwing rocks at you because they knew that you were having sex?

00:40:31.240 Yeah, I think they were.

00:40:32.180 Or were these your friends that were throwing the rocks at you?

00:40:33.300 Yeah, they were excited or they were trying to, you know, cause mayhem or something, you

00:40:37.700 know, or just be a part of it.

00:40:38.880 I think they were jealous.

00:40:40.100 It's like, I can't be there with this rock well and they would throw a rock over.

00:40:43.000 Okay, so here's a question for you.

00:40:44.320 It's weird kids.

00:40:44.920 Can you remember the third person that you had sex with?

00:40:49.000 Can't remember the second.

00:40:49.940 No, cause I remember the second, but I don't know her name.

00:40:53.820 Oh, I heard.

00:40:54.960 Second or, okay, second person you had sex with.

00:40:58.620 I have no idea.

00:40:59.780 That's weird, isn't it?

00:41:00.760 Yeah, that is weird, isn't it?

00:41:01.960 Yeah.

00:41:02.200 It blacks out.

00:41:02.900 Yeah.

00:41:03.600 And then third is just like, what?

00:41:05.840 Could be anyone.

00:41:06.600 Yeah.

00:41:07.000 I haven't reached the third person yet.

00:41:08.380 Yeah.

00:41:08.700 They could walk up right now and I'd have no idea.

00:41:11.320 Yes.

00:41:11.780 At least I'm very pleased to meet you.

00:41:13.900 Oh, we've met before.

00:41:16.080 Oh, yeah.

00:41:17.160 Have you ever spoke to your first since?

00:41:19.840 No, but I put a name, I've put her name in a song of mine and perhaps I shouldn't have

00:41:28.380 done that because she'll be a mom.

00:41:31.160 Oh, yeah.

00:41:31.800 You know.

00:41:33.200 You're like your dirty swag.

00:41:34.220 I think it's some, I think it depends on the woman.

00:41:36.400 Some women don't mind if you kind of idolize moments like that or not idolize, but like

00:41:40.400 put them in the memoriams or whatever, you know, I feel like, like Debra.

00:41:46.760 Both.

00:41:47.420 I lost my virginity to Debra.

00:41:51.980 She's in the vicinity, it's Debra.

00:41:55.740 There we go.

00:41:56.660 Was it Debra that was?

00:41:58.240 No, no, it wasn't Debra, man.

00:42:00.420 Debra was willing though, I knew that.

00:42:02.420 Debra is always willing.

00:42:03.600 Is Debra a name in your country?

00:42:05.340 Oh, yeah.

00:42:05.660 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:42:06.220 Oh, yeah.

00:42:06.680 I did have sex with one of the first few was Debra.

00:42:09.380 Damn.

00:42:09.780 That's unbelievable, man.

00:42:12.320 This guy's shocking, dude.

00:42:14.260 This guy's like a halfway house for your time.

00:42:17.100 Okay.

00:42:17.480 I feel like.

00:42:18.180 Question.

00:42:19.160 Have you been close to having a committed relationship with somebody?

00:42:26.420 No.

00:42:27.440 Never?

00:42:28.180 I've been in some, but I've just always been like cheating or running around.

00:42:31.920 I just think there's some, I have some like complete agitation towards like anything,

00:42:38.700 I don't want to say owning me, but I think things like that feel like they own me, like

00:42:44.420 a relationship or anything saying this is mine.

00:42:47.080 So now you're a sober person.

00:42:49.180 Yeah.

00:42:49.420 Would you do the same thing?

00:42:52.640 Would you cheat on somebody being the Theo that you are now at 41 years old?

00:42:58.820 Well, I think that's why for the past, like I haven't gotten in a relationship in a long

00:43:03.320 time, you know, and now it's been about four years, but because I got to do some work in

00:43:09.220 some of that space, you know, I'm trying to work in SLAA right now.

00:43:12.980 And you just, even just like little things like go two weeks without interacting with

00:43:18.780 texting anything with women, you know, just little things like that to try and like just

00:43:24.160 get on your own two feet, you know, just so I'm not using interactions with women as an

00:43:28.960 outlet for like uncomfort.

00:43:31.240 That's what I do.

00:43:32.120 I get a little uncomfortable and then it's like, Oh, maybe set up a date sometimes.

00:43:36.860 So I want to have things be more meaningful.

00:43:38.820 So, and I'm going through my steps again right now, so I've had some slips over the pandemic.

00:43:43.580 Yeah, me too.

00:43:44.380 Oh, right.

00:43:44.960 Yeah.

00:43:45.140 Not over the pandemic, but in general, have you come close to being with somebody that

00:43:49.800 you just think is, she's amazing.

00:43:53.520 There was a girl I was seeing that was really great.

00:43:57.540 And I think now when I think about her, it makes me feel kind of sad because I wasn't,

00:44:00.980 I didn't really meet her halfway, you know, and cause then I feel bad cause I kind of

00:44:04.320 monopolize their time, you know, that's what I feel the worst about.

00:44:07.680 I think sometimes you monopolize their time, how by like knowing I wasn't really ready

00:44:12.460 to have a strong commitment, but letting them believe that I was, you know, uh, and

00:44:18.360 how long ago is that?

00:44:19.820 It was probably the last relationship I was in.

00:44:21.820 It's honestly been all of them really, but I think it hurts more the older we get because

00:44:26.380 it's like, you know, people's time is more precious to them.

00:44:28.860 Uh, and also, you know, you think that you're going to have this all sorted, uh, uh, in

00:44:35.860 the near future.

00:44:37.000 Yeah.

00:44:37.300 And then you walk through the horizon and you're 41 and it's not sorted and it's still

00:44:43.040 the problem that it was when you were 24.

00:44:45.820 Yeah.

00:44:46.040 It's a little better.

00:44:46.780 When I look at Mark, it's almost like, you know, like in, uh, the movie where the Christmas

00:44:50.420 movie, where they go look in the window and they see the past.

00:44:52.460 Yeah.

00:44:53.000 So that's where I was kind of.

00:44:55.040 Happy?

00:44:55.560 So progress.

00:44:57.020 Happy in a loop.

00:44:57.820 So there's been some progress, but it's just a, it's got, it's a little bit of stagnation,

00:45:01.660 but you're right.

00:45:02.440 It's like, yeah, I thought things would be different where I'm at and I'm not.

00:45:05.020 So you basically have to give the booze up when it comes to sex.

00:45:08.580 You basically have to do the same thing that you did with booze and drugs, but also with

00:45:13.560 sex and the flirting and the, and I don't know how you deal with social media because I met

00:45:19.400 my wife before Instagram.

00:45:21.020 I met my wife before Facebook.

00:45:23.060 I met my wife before Tik TOK and all of those things.

00:45:26.720 But like, if I'd have been around then, that would have been an extra thing that I have

00:45:32.320 to unaddict myself from.

00:45:35.720 Yeah.

00:45:36.480 That's the thing.

00:45:37.100 There's so much.

00:45:38.520 Yeah.

00:45:39.480 It's unreal.

00:45:40.280 You think, oh, I really like this girl.

00:45:41.920 And then just the most unbelievable girl would be like, Hey, what are you up to?

00:45:46.520 Yeah.

00:45:46.920 I'll be driving home trying to get home and Mark will send me some images of some girl.

00:45:50.300 What about, you know, Donna's going to be there.

00:45:52.300 And I'm like, you know, I just, I can't, I, I, I live vicariously through, through Mark.

00:45:58.960 I do do this.

00:45:59.760 And I'm like, this one.

00:46:00.760 And I'm like, whoa.

00:46:02.620 And he's like, this one.

00:46:05.220 It's, it's, it's mental.

00:46:07.120 It's mental.

00:46:07.860 He's mental.

00:46:08.820 I live vicariously through him.

00:46:10.060 And the cops even show up vicariously sometimes.

00:46:12.140 It's like even an interest in my visions.

00:46:14.440 But it is tough.

00:46:15.160 You were saying something there.

00:46:16.000 You're like, oh, you think it's going to be different soon.

00:46:18.840 That's funny.

00:46:19.440 Cause I always think that too.

00:46:20.940 What?

00:46:21.260 Yeah.

00:46:21.600 When you're walking through the horizon, you will find yourself in the place that you are.

00:46:25.700 Yeah.

00:46:25.760 Yeah.

00:46:25.860 I'd be like, oh, give it a six months and then I'll be ready for it.

00:46:28.900 Yeah.

00:46:29.200 And then it's two years later.

00:46:30.200 You're like, well, I'm still having fun.

00:46:31.980 Yeah.

00:46:32.340 Yeah.

00:46:32.620 Still having fun.

00:46:33.620 The fun one.

00:46:34.260 And now, especially in LA, the fun is all that there's always the possibility.

00:46:38.360 Like you can, you're going to ask to be the bachelor.

00:46:40.700 Yeah.

00:46:41.140 Yeah.

00:46:42.780 And so even if you don't, you turn them down, you walk down the street thinking, I'm a bachelor.

00:46:47.400 I got it.

00:46:48.420 Somebody wants me to be a bachelor.

00:46:49.840 You go home, you leave your family and you're the bachelor.

00:46:54.180 But it's true.

00:46:55.000 It's just, it's always that temptation out here.

00:46:56.940 There's this weird thing.

00:46:57.980 And you can just, you could be at the cleaners here and see like a beauty, you know, it's like.

00:47:02.240 It's, it's, it's never ending.

00:47:04.640 What they called the, you've got to catch them all.

00:47:06.400 You've got to get them all.

00:47:07.140 What they call the Pokemon.

00:47:08.420 Pokemon.

00:47:09.100 You've got to get them all.

00:47:10.320 Yeah.

00:47:10.700 That's it.

00:47:11.120 And it's like, I'll think I like a girl sometimes and I'll be like, oh, I should text her.

00:47:14.820 And I swear to God, I'll just be like, shit, what's her name?

00:47:18.200 And I'll just be like, let's begin with C, D.

00:47:22.340 And then in my head, I'm like, come on, I really like this girl.

00:47:30.040 And then someone else will text me and I'll be like,

00:47:32.080 okay, it's, it's you.

00:47:34.680 Yeah.

00:47:35.040 That is, that is a prison to find yourself in.

00:47:37.560 Yeah.

00:47:37.860 Is it a prison or an open field?

00:47:39.980 Well, it's an open prison.

00:47:41.420 It's an open prison that you can, you can leave at any time.

00:47:45.740 But it's, you know, if you know that you are going to fall in love or fall in lust with absolutely everything at any given time,

00:47:56.220 it kind of, it kind of makes sense that you go, oh, well, that's me.

00:48:00.060 And this is what's happening.

00:48:02.000 I just don't, I don't do anything about it.

00:48:05.480 Yeah.

00:48:05.860 That's kind of where I find myself a little time.

00:48:07.860 It's like, or that's where I'm wondering if that's where I'm at.

00:48:11.000 Like, yeah, because I just don't, you think things will be different.

00:48:13.640 Like you're saying in a few years, I'll get there.

00:48:15.220 Something will be, and then you get there and you're like, oh, and I don't, I'm not a big run around or anything.

00:48:19.960 Even I just noticed that I give into like little things of, of affection, attention, just little things like that,

00:48:25.820 that I don't want to, I just don't want the same thing.

00:48:29.440 I want to see if there's a different possibility, you know, cause even it just like, you know, flirting with the girl or, uh, I'll feel uncomfortable.

00:48:37.380 I'll feel like I had a bad, I'll set up a date, you know, let me go on a date.

00:48:40.060 That'll help, you know, like, um, so I just want to, but I'm not, I find myself in spaces where I'm not making myself really available.

00:48:47.880 You know, if that makes sense, because I'm just, my, the reasons I'm doing stuff aren't motivated always from a place of like, uh, maybe this is what's from love or anything like that.

00:49:03.160 They're just kind of motivated from a place of like, um, what feels kind of comfortable.

00:49:09.900 What would be fun?

00:49:11.100 You know, and sometimes it's just fun.

00:49:12.360 I met my missus when I'd retired because like things got really sort of, was it dicey out there for you?

00:49:18.700 Mentally just completely ill and just like, well, it's my career that's doing this.

00:49:23.720 So I might as well not do my career.

00:49:25.960 Yeah.

00:49:26.240 What would you retire from what?

00:49:27.280 From the famous, from the singing.

00:49:30.520 No, no, no.

00:49:31.140 From the singing.

00:49:31.780 Oh, right.

00:49:32.260 Yeah.

00:49:32.480 Yeah.

00:49:32.680 From the singing.

00:49:33.460 So like I was really, I was retired and then I met my missus and we just had three years with her of not going out.

00:49:41.700 Wow.

00:49:42.180 Oh, really?

00:49:42.640 Yeah.

00:49:42.960 So we were just at the house and it just cemented this thing.

00:49:46.760 And then I realized that I need purpose and I'm ambitious and I need to go out and do things.

00:49:52.560 So I unretired and went out into the world.

00:49:55.280 But now I'd cemented this relationship with this person and I went back out into the world and I was like, oh, I can't do the things that I used to do.

00:50:04.800 So how do you, you, you, you clue in quite quickly.

00:50:08.400 Really?

00:50:08.620 It's like, okay, so I'm not flirting.

00:50:10.820 Right.

00:50:11.100 I'm not going to the club.

00:50:12.840 Yeah.

00:50:13.180 I'm not going to the pub.

00:50:16.700 And I have to un, I have to un everything that I used to un.

00:50:22.220 Oh, yeah.

00:50:23.020 And I, I did it.

00:50:25.740 Fucking did it.

00:50:26.920 And if I can do it, anybody, well, not you.

00:50:31.000 But if I can do it, anybody can do it.

00:50:33.540 No, I like hearing it.

00:50:34.360 I appreciate you kind of sharing some of that, man.

00:50:36.200 Because, yeah, I think that's just kind of where I'm finding myself, you know.

00:50:38.940 And I'm not, and part of me I'm kind of excited about.

00:50:41.560 I had like five days where I didn't have any interaction with anyone and I was doing real good.

00:50:46.840 And I started to feel like a good relationship with my higher power.

00:50:50.540 I was like, really like, oh, man.

00:50:52.320 I had a little bit more time.

00:50:53.720 I was looking at my place like, oh, maybe I'd like to do an art or something, you know.

00:50:57.400 Like, or get a candle or something, you know.

00:51:01.060 Because, like, everything in my house is the previous owners.

00:51:03.940 It's like, it's all like their stuff, you know.

00:51:05.900 Like, there's pictures of Eric's family in the bathroom.

00:51:08.580 It's just, I guess.

00:51:09.420 But don't you also think that when I get a missus, she'll do all of that stuff?

00:51:13.880 Yeah, yeah.

00:51:14.440 Yeah, but I don't want to just hurry a missus in just to get, you know, a love scene.

00:51:18.100 Well, you're 41, you're hurrying, nothing.

00:51:19.880 Yeah?

00:51:20.660 You think?

00:51:21.580 Yeah.

00:51:22.420 Oh, yeah, that's true, huh?

00:51:23.520 Yeah.

00:51:23.920 But women complain about that about guys in LA.

00:51:26.820 They'll be like, I'm not ready to settle down.

00:51:28.660 And there's 57.

00:51:30.720 Oh, yeah, that's great.

00:51:32.100 See, I don't want to be that guy.

00:51:33.200 Yeah.

00:51:33.480 I want to get some, I want to at least get in a place now where I can at least try, I

00:51:37.300 think, to have a relationship that was real.

00:51:38.760 Also, I'm getting big vibes that you'd be an ace, Dad.

00:51:42.240 Oh, thanks, man.

00:51:43.220 Thank you.

00:51:43.840 Yeah.

00:51:44.120 No, not you.

00:51:46.240 No, I'm getting, like, big vibes that you'd be an awesome daddy.

00:51:50.160 Oh, thanks, Dad.

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00:55:41.000 Yeah, I could think I could be a good dad, dude.

00:55:43.920 You know, I think some of it would be a little dicey, bro.

00:55:48.340 You know?

00:55:48.880 But you must have thought that.

00:55:50.000 If there's kids at your house.

00:55:51.280 Well, then I'd be a good dad.

00:55:51.660 No, no, not that.

00:55:52.500 It would be dicey as fuck.

00:55:53.980 What, for him to be a dad?

00:55:55.460 Oh, for you.

00:55:56.280 Yeah, yeah.

00:55:56.860 Oh, yeah.

00:55:57.900 Yeah.

00:55:58.280 Absolutely.

00:55:59.000 Like, I'm an agoraphobic that can't look after himself.

00:56:03.940 I'm depressed.

00:56:05.860 Yeah.

00:56:06.080 And I'm full of anxiety.

00:56:08.640 What have I got to offer?

00:56:10.720 Yeah.

00:56:11.100 That's, you know, it's like I wasn't going to get married and I wasn't going to have kids

00:56:15.220 just because of the nothingness that I had to offer the world where those points exist.

00:56:23.580 And now I've got four kids and it's true.

00:56:25.820 I have nothing to offer.

00:56:29.640 But your kids, you could put them in another wing of the house, man.

00:56:32.520 You could put a kid in a room until he's six.

00:56:35.380 You know, I still feel that way about the kids.

00:56:38.600 You know, it's like I'm like sporadic dad.

00:56:43.560 Yeah.

00:56:43.980 I'm in.

00:56:44.660 I'm in.

00:56:45.380 I'm in.

00:56:46.360 I'm watching the football and doing art and writing songs.

00:56:51.780 And I'm in.

00:56:54.240 Like, you know, I am sporadic.

00:56:57.060 Also, you know, that was another thing about kids is that if I'm agoraphobic, if I have children,

00:57:03.040 it will mean that I have to leave the house.

00:57:06.120 The kids will smoke me out of the house.

00:57:08.600 Did it work?

00:57:10.140 Not really.

00:57:11.020 No.

00:57:13.560 But like, I feel that everyone doesn't think they can be a dad and then it just happens.

00:57:17.520 Do you think?

00:57:18.180 But that's bad that when it happens that way, I think it's not really the best way, you know?

00:57:21.800 Yeah.

00:57:22.380 Like, yeah.

00:57:25.080 Mark is unbelievable.

00:57:25.960 I can't even believe I'm sitting here with him.

00:57:27.500 But I'm sorry.

00:57:29.700 Sorry.

00:57:30.120 Yeah.

00:57:31.140 This guy is just one of a kind, man.

00:57:33.200 There's just really nobody like this guy.

00:57:34.200 I remember you told me before, you were like, you were saying something, you were describing

00:57:37.460 a bad guy.

00:57:38.520 And then you were like, you're that guy.

00:57:40.560 And I was like, wait, wait, no, no, no, no.

00:57:45.020 Take that back.

00:57:46.100 And you're like, no, no.

00:57:47.200 I was describing him to say you're that guy.

00:57:49.900 And I was like, no.

00:57:51.040 But I do think it is like, oh, I might be that guy now, but three years.

00:57:55.580 Do you think you could ever get to a place where you could?

00:57:58.680 Oh, yeah.

00:57:58.920 I think it is.

00:57:59.680 Really?

00:58:00.300 Yeah.

00:58:00.620 But I think now Rob has made me realize, oh, think away.

00:58:04.400 Yeah.

00:58:04.940 And then you die.

00:58:07.000 Yeah.

00:58:07.720 Yeah.

00:58:08.120 Because you're not there.

00:58:10.020 Yeah.

00:58:10.500 I know.

00:58:10.920 Yeah.

00:58:11.300 You're like wrongs away from that.

00:58:14.100 Yeah.

00:58:14.480 This ain't even a great spot.

00:58:16.280 So you better get over here pretty quick.

00:58:18.740 But then Mark's the guy you go to if you want to know what's going on, what's fun.

00:58:21.940 You know, he like is always kind of keen to like what's good out there, you know?

00:58:25.860 I'm a fun guy.

00:58:26.660 Yeah.

00:58:27.300 Yeah.

00:58:27.740 Do they have like a lot of, I feel like in England and in the UK, that's all of you guys,

00:58:33.600 right?

00:58:34.240 That they have more superstition than they do over in America.

00:58:38.100 Oh, yeah.

00:58:38.300 I think so.

00:58:38.900 Is that true, you think?

00:58:40.060 Well, I think anxiety in Ireland just comes from your mom.

00:58:43.760 Mm-hmm.

00:58:44.300 She'd be like, don't touch chicken ever.

00:58:46.240 You'll get salmonella.

00:58:47.060 You'll die.

00:58:47.880 Yeah.

00:58:48.140 And every time now I'm near a chicken, I'm like, I hear my mom's voice.

00:58:51.940 Or like prayers, capitalism, catalogs, or whatever.

00:58:56.100 Yeah.

00:58:56.440 What we are.

00:58:57.280 Yeah.

00:58:58.060 Catalogs.

00:58:59.060 We're like laps catalogs.

00:59:00.860 Yeah, we're catalogs.

00:59:01.740 Yeah, we're catalogs.

00:59:02.120 It's insane though, because you'd be like, don't do that, don't do that.

00:59:04.820 Wooden Christian.

00:59:05.900 Don't do that, don't do that.

00:59:07.320 You're like, what the fuck should I do?

00:59:08.740 That's where my sweating comes in.

00:59:10.540 Oh, you're sweating always.

00:59:11.920 And it's weird too, like in Ireland, if I told my friends I went on a date with a girl,

00:59:15.160 they'd be like, that's gay.

00:59:16.320 Oh, yeah.

00:59:16.840 Yeah.

00:59:17.280 And people die in Ireland all the time from coughing and everything, huh?

00:59:20.620 You always see that in the movies.

00:59:22.720 People dying from like.

00:59:24.300 You're watching movies from the 1800s.

00:59:26.200 Yeah, yeah.

00:59:27.120 Well.

00:59:29.420 Whatever, man.

00:59:30.560 Yeah, that's exactly how it is.

00:59:32.900 That's slow cable, mate.

00:59:33.960 Yeah.

00:59:34.120 We got some.

00:59:34.900 Pleurisy.

00:59:35.300 Yeah, yeah, really.

00:59:36.620 What's that movie with Tom Cruise?

00:59:38.380 Far and away.

00:59:39.280 He takes his bottom day, Ireland.

00:59:40.800 I just see a lot of people coughing and not doing well.

00:59:45.120 Still dealing with the Spanish flu.

00:59:47.760 He thinks people in Ireland are coughing and doing napkins.

00:59:50.960 With blood on it.

00:59:54.240 Have you left America much?

00:59:57.100 Yeah, yeah.

00:59:57.660 We did some shows in the UK last year, two years ago.

01:00:01.080 How did they go?

01:00:01.940 They did well.

01:00:03.160 We did Manchester, London, Glasgow.

01:00:09.000 So you think Glasgow is that?

01:00:11.420 Yeah.

01:00:11.560 Shout out Glasgow.

01:00:12.740 Yeah.

01:00:13.280 Glasgow.

01:00:15.100 Somewhere else, brother.

01:00:16.980 Stockholm.

01:00:17.780 Somewhere else.

01:00:18.760 Stockholm.

01:00:19.560 Stockholm.

01:00:21.200 Stockholm.

01:00:21.840 Sweden.

01:00:22.440 Lovely.

01:00:23.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

01:00:24.320 So it was fun, man.

01:00:25.720 I really liked it.

01:00:26.540 It was, I think, during.

01:00:28.240 I don't know if it was winter or if it was like at the beginning of the pandemic.

01:00:30.900 I don't know what was going on.

01:00:32.520 But it was kind of a quiet time.

01:00:34.340 But.

01:00:35.660 Durban, I think.

01:00:36.200 What was the.

01:00:36.780 What was the.

01:00:38.400 Durban.

01:00:38.760 Durban's like South Africa.

01:00:41.900 That's Australia, isn't it?

01:00:43.080 I don't know where you went.

01:00:43.900 No, Durban.

01:00:45.300 This is about.

01:00:45.900 Yeah, this is a different time.

01:00:48.540 So what did.

01:00:49.120 What was this?

01:00:49.940 The.

01:00:51.880 Superstitions.

01:00:52.640 Superstitions.

01:00:53.080 Yeah.

01:00:53.200 Oh, well, like in Ireland, here's a dumb one.

01:00:56.860 Touch wood.

01:00:57.380 All right.

01:00:57.860 Touch wood.

01:00:58.680 And then I saw a guy after a soccer game one time and he was like this.

01:01:03.580 Yeah, that's OCD though.

01:01:04.780 Yeah.

01:01:05.300 No, but he goes, why is that?

01:01:06.540 You're like, I'm blessed.

01:01:07.300 I'm saying Hail Mary, full of greys, our father.

01:01:11.100 And I was like, that's so dumb.

01:01:13.540 The next time with a big exam.

01:01:14.980 I swear I was like this.

01:01:17.120 Hail Mary.

01:01:20.000 But that's OCD.

01:01:22.060 But y'all got more ghosts.

01:01:23.360 Y'all got more older stuff over there.

01:01:24.980 I'm saying because of time and everything.

01:01:26.580 You guys have a lot more ghosts over there.

01:01:28.320 No.

01:01:28.780 Oh, yeah.

01:01:29.600 You are closer to the woo woo in Los Angeles than you are in England.

01:01:35.380 It is so more paranormal and weird and UFO.

01:01:40.720 Yeah.

01:01:41.340 We actually got a question.

01:01:42.380 I forgot about this.

01:01:43.260 It came in right here.

01:01:43.980 Hey, Theo.

01:01:45.680 My name's Gabby.

01:01:46.500 I'm from New Zealand.

01:01:47.820 Big fan of yours.

01:01:49.760 Actually managed to catch a show of yours like in 2017 at the Comedy Store really, really

01:01:56.880 randomly when I was in LA for a week just on holiday.

01:02:00.500 Thank you, Miss.

01:02:01.100 So I was really, really stoked to catch that.

01:02:04.240 Also a big fan of Robbie Williams as well.

01:02:07.240 Not a mark.

01:02:07.660 I do have a question for him.

01:02:10.320 I saw him on the Skinwalker Ranch documentary.

01:02:13.980 I was quite surprised to see him there and I just wondered what sort of interest he had

01:02:19.100 in paranormal experiences or if he's had any alien experiences, anything in that kind

01:02:27.180 of realm I would just be really interested to find.

01:02:29.920 Dark Arts, baby.

01:02:30.840 It's called Space Spirit.

01:02:33.040 Yeah, I've had loads.

01:02:33.680 You've been involved with it.

01:02:34.700 I've had loads of experiences.

01:02:35.940 And more of that's obviously from the UK.

01:02:38.240 No.

01:02:38.800 I just, that's what I find hard to believe, Robbie.

01:02:40.880 Now, listen, I've got a thousand-year-old home in England, right?

01:02:46.120 It used to be-

01:02:47.000 A manor.

01:02:47.820 Yeah.

01:02:48.100 It used to be one of Henry VIII's wives' houses.

01:02:51.440 Oh, yeah.

01:02:52.080 Catherine Park.

01:02:52.920 And I feel closer to the weird here in Los Angeles than I do back home.

01:03:01.440 Something like a transmitter.

01:03:03.280 Lost Angels, Los Angeles.

01:03:05.580 It's a transmitter that turns on when I'm here that I'm, things haven't happened since the

01:03:11.420 kids have been around.

01:03:12.200 But do you want me to tell you my UFO stories?

01:03:14.180 Yeah, if you got something.

01:03:15.760 If you're keen to it, do you know it?

01:03:17.560 I don't know.

01:03:18.060 Probably.

01:03:18.880 So I am-

01:03:20.160 You need to get abducted.

01:03:21.920 So I am sat on a sun lounger with a girl beside me.

01:03:27.500 So it's over 17 years ago because of the wife.

01:03:29.720 I was going to say over 17 years old because-

01:03:31.920 She was over 17 years old.

01:03:33.440 We've had some issues in our industry.

01:03:36.180 And I'm looking, we're both looking up at the sky.

01:03:41.580 And all of a sudden, I would say the size of quarter of a football field, your football

01:03:50.860 field, square, matte black, just silently came in, completely sober, silently came in

01:04:01.360 and there was yellow underneath it.

01:04:04.980 And it sort of had like this Artex-ing feel with matte black underneath it.

01:04:12.840 It came in silently and then silently left.

01:04:17.260 And I could have hit it with a tennis ball.

01:04:18.940 No way.

01:04:19.240 Really?

01:04:19.760 Yeah.

01:04:20.520 Jesus.

01:04:21.360 And you saw it?

01:04:23.400 Absolutely positively.

01:04:25.000 Did you feel like then that you got to see something like that because you were famous?

01:04:29.700 Did that ever cross your mind?

01:04:31.020 Like, is there a reason why I get to see this?

01:04:33.020 Is it like, is the other side trying to communicate with me?

01:04:36.900 Well, yeah, there is because of narcissism.

01:04:39.620 Yes, there is.

01:04:40.860 There is.

01:04:41.760 There is that.

01:04:43.140 Yeah, but there's so many thoughts.

01:04:44.780 That's one of them.

01:04:46.300 But I also thought, oh, that's ours.

01:04:49.760 I didn't think it was aliens from a different planet.

01:04:53.220 That's huge.

01:04:53.960 I, inside me just went, there's some exotic technology that we're not supposed to have

01:05:01.080 that we do have, but it's ours.

01:05:03.720 I didn't feel as though it was little green men from outer space.

01:05:06.560 Wow.

01:05:06.960 And that was in the UK?

01:05:08.640 No, it was here.

01:05:09.560 Oh.

01:05:10.340 The other one is, I wrote this song about alien abduction called Arizona.

01:05:14.800 It's not one of my best songs.

01:05:16.940 It's a B-side.

01:05:17.560 But I'm sort of like listening to it in the studio and smoking a cigarette, overlooking

01:05:24.280 the San Fernando Valley.

01:05:26.480 And you whittle, you whittle at lyrics to get them right as best as possible.

01:05:33.340 And Arizona comes on and this gold ball appears in the sky over the San Fernando Valley.

01:05:39.500 And I'm like, nice try, Venus.

01:05:42.180 I know that's Venus.

01:05:43.980 You're not going to fool me.

01:05:45.040 I'm not going to be like one of those, woo, UFO people.

01:05:48.580 And then I thought it was Venus during the day.

01:05:50.820 Oh, yeah.

01:05:51.520 Arizona, the song ends, the gold ball blinks out.

01:05:56.560 And I'm like, interesting.

01:05:58.380 Put the song on again.

01:05:59.740 So they put the song on again and the gold ball comes back.

01:06:02.640 Song's about alien abduction.

01:06:04.240 And I'm like, now you've got my attention.

01:06:06.500 Song ends and the gold ball beeps out again.

01:06:10.460 I'm like, wow, that's a happy coincidence.

01:06:12.940 So I said to the lads, I said, lads, come out and look at this.

01:06:16.520 Put the song on and look over there.

01:06:18.740 Song goes on, ball comes on.

01:06:20.720 Song ends, ball goes out.

01:06:22.560 Wife arrives.

01:06:23.500 Babe, this thing's happened.

01:06:24.640 Come see this.

01:06:25.420 Look over there.

01:06:26.520 Song on, boom, gold ball.

01:06:29.080 Song ends, gold ball comes out.

01:06:31.260 Six times it happens.

01:06:32.160 After the sixth time, me, the wife and my two friends go back into the bedroom where the studio is.

01:06:39.100 And we go, fuck, what the?

01:06:41.500 And as we say that, a black strip comes through the door about 20 feet away.

01:06:47.640 Nuh-uh.

01:06:48.100 Black strip like this, elongates through the middle of us.

01:06:51.880 Nuh-uh, dog.

01:06:51.900 Really?

01:06:52.620 Elongates through the middle of us, goes to the window, and then follows itself out like that.

01:06:57.460 Oh.

01:06:57.920 What?

01:06:58.600 Yeah.

01:06:59.260 Jesus.

01:06:59.860 What the?

01:07:01.200 Yeah, listen, I've got loads and loads and loads of them.

01:07:04.040 Why not?

01:07:04.580 That's too many already, man.

01:07:06.400 Yeah, I've got.

01:07:06.980 That's a lot.

01:07:08.220 Yeah, I've got loads of them.

01:07:10.780 Wow.

01:07:11.340 Yeah, so there's.

01:07:12.240 Did you feel like if, okay, so that instance, did you feel like that was like a human, like a person?

01:07:19.900 Did you feel like that was related to any territory or?

01:07:22.900 I, if I was guessing, what I think that might be or might not be is interdimensional.

01:07:29.820 Yeah.

01:07:30.820 Or, you know, or a figment of all our imaginations.

01:07:36.100 Everything's on the table.

01:07:37.320 Nothing's off the table.

01:07:38.560 Could it be duct tape between different realms or something?

01:07:40.900 Maybe.

01:07:41.120 You know what I'm saying?

01:07:41.440 You don't know some of the things that are holding together the realms.

01:07:43.740 It was exactly like, you know, duct tape.

01:07:46.120 Yeah.

01:07:46.320 Really?

01:07:46.520 It came through the room and then went and followed itself out of the window.

01:07:49.740 Damn.

01:07:50.360 Yeah.

01:07:51.080 I could see something like that in the few, 200 years from now, you order duct tape into the room.

01:07:55.860 It just slips in.

01:07:56.780 And it shows up, you know?

01:07:57.980 Do you know what Skinwalker Ranch is?

01:07:59.800 Uh-uh.

01:08:00.300 Okay.

01:08:01.440 Google Skinwalker Ranch and check that out.

01:08:03.680 That's what the nice lady was talking about.

01:08:05.880 I'm on a documentary about this ranch in Utah.

01:08:09.800 I think it is, where things happen.

01:08:14.740 Really?

01:08:16.780 Damn, that's a dark artist.

01:08:18.220 There's Post Malone out there.

01:08:18.300 There's Post Malone.

01:08:19.200 It's Skinwalker Ranch.

01:08:21.140 Who's some of my favorite British people?

01:08:23.320 James Blake.

01:08:24.720 Yeah.

01:08:25.380 Yeah.

01:08:25.660 Is that just, just a, just, that's just a random, James Blake's a nice English person.

01:08:34.820 Yeah.

01:08:35.420 I love him.

01:08:36.740 Who else do I think is great?

01:08:39.580 Oh, I know who.

01:08:41.080 Darren Till.

01:08:42.220 Who's that?

01:08:43.220 Darren Till, fighter.

01:08:45.080 Oh, is he a fighter?

01:08:46.020 Yeah.

01:08:46.620 Big fan of his.

01:08:47.980 Yeah.

01:08:48.140 Um, I don't know that many others, actually.

01:08:53.060 Is that it?

01:08:53.660 The Beatles?

01:08:54.460 You.

01:08:54.980 Yeah, the Beatles, but.

01:08:56.220 You.

01:08:57.520 I'm not that big on them.

01:08:58.880 You too?

01:08:59.760 Uh, you too is okay.

01:09:01.440 Yeah?

01:09:01.960 You too is okay.

01:09:02.760 The Rolling Stones?

01:09:03.780 Yeah, Rolling Stones.

01:09:05.120 Rolling Stones.

01:09:05.920 Yeah.

01:09:06.560 Who else?

01:09:06.960 Black Coffee in Bed.

01:09:07.860 Have you heard that song?

01:09:09.200 No.

01:09:09.960 This feels like an alien experience.

01:09:11.720 What else?

01:09:14.500 I'm trying to think of things that are British, because we didn't have a lot of, when we were

01:09:17.580 growing up, they didn't even have a lot of, like, I remember the map in our town, Canada,

01:09:21.720 they didn't even say Canada on it, it said, like, it had a picture of a wolf attacking

01:09:25.280 a boy in a coat, you know?

01:09:27.120 And that was the whole thing for Canada, you know?

01:09:29.880 If we, if we had a map here, could you, could you point to England, do you think?

01:09:33.720 No, I know I couldn't point to England.

01:09:34.800 I can point to the area that it's in, though.

01:09:37.500 Could you point to Hawaii?

01:09:39.500 Yep.

01:09:40.300 Could you point to Montana?

01:09:42.380 Nope.

01:09:43.580 See, I can point to Montana.

01:09:44.880 Could you point to Florida?

01:09:46.400 Yes.

01:09:47.340 Where are you from?

01:09:48.080 Florida's easy, because I'm from Louisiana.

01:09:49.720 Okay.

01:09:50.300 So Florida was, like, our main, Florida was, like, the main place you even went.

01:09:54.040 Like, if you saw somebody, I remember when I was a kid, if you saw somebody, their shirts

01:09:56.480 have Florida on it, you were like, damn, dude.

01:09:59.280 Those people are travelers.

01:10:00.220 What about, what about Rhode Island?

01:10:02.280 Could you?

01:10:03.160 No.

01:10:03.640 I could find that.

01:10:04.480 Nobody could find that.

01:10:05.560 I could.

01:10:06.080 It's the clitoris of America.

01:10:09.260 Isn't it the smallest state?

01:10:12.140 Yeah.

01:10:12.920 Yeah.

01:10:13.560 You're welcome.

01:10:14.220 It could be.

01:10:15.000 Well, it'll get taken over soon.

01:10:17.520 I'm sure it'll get taken over soon.

01:10:20.580 What else do we have?

01:10:21.520 Let's get another good question that came in here for the gents, eh?

01:10:23.800 Oh, I'll double you.

01:10:31.000 What's up, Theo and Robbie?

01:10:32.600 First of all, hope yous are doing well.

01:10:35.080 Secondly, I am right now stuck in quarantine for two weeks, because Australia does that to

01:10:40.300 you.

01:10:40.800 I'm at our willing land.

01:10:41.900 Yes, Theo, you've got to come do a flip off this rant back here.

01:10:44.820 So do you, Robbie, actually.

01:10:46.220 My mum would be stoked.

01:10:47.260 But my question is, when do you think the world is going to be back to normal?

01:10:51.900 And do you think it is?

01:10:53.660 And if yes, how long do you think it's going to take?

01:10:55.960 Love yous all.

01:10:56.680 Gang, gang.

01:10:57.680 I love him.

01:10:58.680 I love him, by the way.

01:11:00.580 Yeah.

01:11:01.200 Yeah.

01:11:02.220 Oh, Willie.

01:11:03.060 Yeah.

01:11:03.480 Yeah.

01:11:03.860 Yeah.

01:11:04.280 I'm a big fan.

01:11:05.400 People love him.

01:11:06.360 Yeah.

01:11:06.680 He's easy to love.

01:11:07.580 He is.

01:11:08.060 He's a dude.

01:11:09.220 I mean, I've never met him, but you can just tell that he's the nicest person ever.

01:11:12.580 He's a great dude.

01:11:13.040 He came on here.

01:11:15.180 He was on here once.

01:11:16.460 So was Chris Hansen, who you mentioned earlier, was on here once.

01:11:18.820 Oh, really?

01:11:19.420 I guess we've had an interesting group.

01:11:21.320 Mark.

01:11:22.820 Man.

01:11:23.340 We've done it all.

01:11:24.880 Yes.

01:11:25.060 Yesterday year.

01:11:25.660 It's probably the best podcast.

01:11:26.480 So the question is, when do we think this is going to be over?

01:11:28.800 Are you shocked at how much, like, because we've already given two years of our life to

01:11:32.800 this thing.

01:11:33.600 Has it been two?

01:11:34.580 It's fun.

01:11:35.200 It's been a long time, man.

01:11:37.180 Imagine people.

01:11:38.040 This is shit that breaks apart when you think of people that was like, you know, trying to maybe

01:11:42.140 women that was hoping to have a child and looking to meet someone, and they don't have that

01:11:46.340 chance now because of, I'm not saying it's not a deadly disease, but it's not this deadly,

01:11:50.980 man.

01:11:51.920 That's my thoughts on it.

01:11:52.920 I mean, I probably shouldn't have brought that into it.

01:11:54.520 But when do you guys think it'll be over?

01:11:55.860 That's more, that's a better.

01:11:57.260 I think, I think every summer we're going to think it's over, and then every winter it's

01:12:03.380 going to come back.

01:12:04.400 And I, every time that I've had a guess at when this is going to be over, I've been completely

01:12:09.740 wrong.

01:12:10.660 So when this started, it was like end of January, February, nearly two years ago.

01:12:15.940 And I was like, this is going to be over by June.

01:12:18.740 And now we are two Christmases nearly into it.

01:12:22.800 And it's still going strong.

01:12:26.180 It's, it's terrifying.

01:12:28.400 You know, it's, it's terrifying for many, many reasons, but like selfishly and personally,

01:12:32.980 I haven't been able to gig, I haven't been able to do a tour, you know, and I, you know,

01:12:40.400 I'm hopefully going to go on tour end of next year, but then you see how the end of this

01:12:46.260 year has gone.

01:12:47.120 Am I going to be able to do that?

01:12:49.560 Am I going to be able to look after my four kids, keep them in the lifestyle that they're

01:12:54.380 accustomed to?

01:12:55.240 Yeah.

01:12:55.680 Who knows?

01:12:57.300 My spidey senses, which was so wrong last time, mine say we've got this for five years.

01:13:05.080 Really?

01:13:05.860 I thought another year, maybe.

01:13:08.060 Well, as you said, I forgot about, yeah, I forgot about like summer seems okay.

01:13:12.440 And then winter is like, oh, it's a new strain.

01:13:14.880 Yeah.

01:13:15.760 But in some parts of the country, it's not, you can go to different parts of America and

01:13:19.700 they're not even doing this.

01:13:21.880 Acknowledging it?

01:13:22.060 Yeah.

01:13:22.460 Really?

01:13:23.620 And they're not, the hospitals aren't filled.

01:13:25.140 So it's definitely interesting how different parts, it's more of a, it's more catered

01:13:31.340 to, you know, it's more, or it's more, there's more preventative measures, I think.

01:13:35.840 Well, there is, you know, there is a topic that it would do us all a great favor if we

01:13:41.880 didn't discuss what we really thought.

01:13:43.580 Yeah.

01:13:45.620 Okay.

01:13:46.180 We'll do that then.

01:13:46.840 It almost sounds like my love life where I'm like, ah, I'll fix it soon.

01:13:52.140 Yeah.

01:13:52.440 And then you're like, ah, there's summer of sex.

01:13:55.900 Yeah.

01:13:56.300 And then the winter of discontent.

01:13:58.400 Yeah.

01:13:58.840 Yeah.

01:13:59.460 Yeah.

01:13:59.480 Yeah.

01:13:59.820 Just staring at the wall.

01:14:00.860 Where are you on the whole, you know, sort of, because you've walked through the horizon.

01:14:07.040 You're past 30 now.

01:14:09.260 You've done a bit of time on the planet.

01:14:11.200 Yeah.

01:14:11.560 Where are you with the, is, is it just like a, an oblique concept that's out here somewhere,

01:14:18.220 the commitment, the settling down, or is it in the forethought, forethought of your mind?

01:14:23.760 It's in, when I'm hung over.

01:14:26.620 So it's something to feel depressed and anxious about.

01:14:29.380 Yeah.

01:14:29.640 I'd be like, oh, that would be nice.

01:14:31.340 It's kind of like the song.

01:14:32.280 When you need love.

01:14:33.240 Yeah.

01:14:33.920 When you need tenderness.

01:14:35.160 And then when the serotonin comes back, I'm like, oh, I'm having a great time.

01:14:38.280 Okay.

01:14:38.700 Yeah.

01:14:39.180 Here's the thing.

01:14:40.320 Do you need to be in a relationship?

01:14:42.260 Do you need to have commitment?

01:14:44.320 Do you need any of that stuff?

01:14:45.440 I don't think so at the moment.

01:14:47.320 But like your moment, you think, you're still, you're still looking out at these eyes that

01:14:52.200 still think they're 19, 20, 21.

01:14:54.260 Yeah.

01:14:54.560 Yeah.

01:14:54.740 Yeah.

01:14:55.000 But they're not.

01:14:55.800 Yeah.

01:14:56.280 I don't think so at the moment.

01:14:58.180 Yeah.

01:14:58.580 It's like you're going to be having a free bus pass pretty soon.

01:15:03.380 Yeah.

01:15:04.120 Do you know what I mean?

01:15:05.040 Yeah.

01:15:05.220 That's true.

01:15:05.620 And, you know, I just don't think so at the moment.

01:15:08.080 Like I'm in a very happy, committed relationship and my life is so much better because of it.

01:15:14.360 I don't want to go anywhere or be with anybody other than my wife.

01:15:17.380 That aside, do you need to be in a relationship?

01:15:20.780 Yeah.

01:15:20.920 Maybe you don't need to.

01:15:21.960 I don't think you need to, man.

01:15:23.280 You're doing well.

01:15:23.820 Do you need to?

01:15:24.460 The ladies like him.

01:15:24.940 Do you need to?

01:15:25.560 I don't know, man.

01:15:28.120 Maybe you don't.

01:15:28.740 I always have a problem.

01:15:29.660 I just always think something's wrong.

01:15:32.900 You know?

01:15:33.860 I have a lot of whatever that is.

01:15:35.660 Like, oh, I'm always, like, there's always some emotional deficit going on, you know?

01:15:41.480 The dis-ease.

01:15:42.820 Yeah.

01:15:43.220 Oh, yeah.

01:15:43.660 Yeah, I have a constant discomfort.

01:15:47.080 Yeah, I have a constant discomfort.

01:15:49.960 Do you not have a constant discomfort because you booze and you sort of self-medicate?

01:15:55.920 Yeah, yeah.

01:15:56.160 Because, like, I'll have, I'm uncomfortable now.

01:15:58.800 Yeah, like I've got anxiety now.

01:16:00.740 Let me ask you this, right?

01:16:02.420 You don't have a drink for four weeks.

01:16:05.360 What's your mental state like in four weeks' time?

01:16:08.220 Oh, I'm not, I'm just a bit bored, but I also have pain in my lower back.

01:16:13.240 Okay.

01:16:13.960 I quit because.

01:16:14.620 So you're drinking for pain, huh?

01:16:15.820 No, no, no.

01:16:16.460 Oh, you're an American then.

01:16:17.720 The stress.

01:16:18.840 You're in a union.

01:16:19.860 I remember I stopped, like, for four weeks a couple years ago, sober October or something,

01:16:25.540 and I was like, I couldn't lie down.

01:16:27.580 That's your liver, bub.

01:16:28.440 No, the pain in my back just was, like, not.

01:16:31.260 Does your back feel round and it's kind of down over here by the bottom?

01:16:33.840 It was there.

01:16:34.280 Is it here?

01:16:35.000 Yeah.

01:16:35.400 Is it there?

01:16:35.980 Yeah.

01:16:36.280 That's your liver?

01:16:36.800 That's your liver, man.

01:16:37.500 No, no, no.

01:16:37.980 This is after four weeks.

01:16:39.120 You think you have a soft, brown back?

01:16:40.640 I'm not drinking.

01:16:41.300 Yeah, because it's constantly inflamed, and then you don't drink, so you've got nothing

01:16:49.040 to numb it.

01:16:49.840 You're going to pass a stone.

01:16:50.600 This is a subject we're better off not dying.

01:16:53.120 So it's not there?

01:16:54.240 No, it is, yeah.

01:16:55.300 It's in the bone.

01:16:56.340 Oh, no, no, no.

01:16:56.960 It was, like, in here.

01:16:58.120 You're going to pass a stone one day.

01:16:59.460 That's liver.

01:17:00.000 Oh, right.

01:17:00.620 But when I was walking to the liquor store.

01:17:02.220 You're going to piss a crack, Rock, dude.

01:17:03.380 You're going to pass a stone, brother.

01:17:04.640 The payment away.

01:17:05.640 Yeah.

01:17:06.140 Walking by booze, it disappeared.

01:17:08.540 Speaking of the rolling stones, you're going to roll a couple out of your wiener one day,

01:17:11.260 Bob, from all of that drink specials building up in him.

01:17:14.420 Is that what I'm talking about?

01:17:15.580 Yeah, it's your liver.

01:17:16.480 Yeah, dude.

01:17:17.300 Bro, Mark would be the best thing.

01:17:19.240 Mark would be, like, at the bar, you know, in some of the high tables.

01:17:22.200 He'd put his computer on the table at, like, a nightclub.

01:17:25.280 Get his computer out there just at a nightclub.

01:17:27.380 Get his ear things.

01:17:28.620 And pretend he was a DJ, dude.

01:17:31.620 So all the drunk chicks would come up and talk to him.

01:17:33.980 He'd be like, yeah, I'll play it in a second.

01:17:35.360 He's just fucking emailing people.

01:17:37.540 A nice little tip jar.

01:17:38.320 Are you writing?

01:17:40.360 Yeah, do a good bit of writing.

01:17:40.880 Are you being creative?

01:17:41.720 What's your outlet apart from – do you have any time outside of podcasting and comedy?

01:17:49.040 Outside of podcasting and comedy, what are your creative outlets or your outlets at all?

01:17:55.220 It probably has been kind of – I think socializing has been one.

01:18:00.980 So that's something I do want to cut back on, which includes, like, dating erroneously.

01:18:05.760 How do you do with socializing?

01:18:08.560 I do okay.

01:18:09.420 I think, fortunately, with stand-up, it builds – a lot of that is built into it.

01:18:13.560 So it's like you almost – I count kind of sometimes stand-up as my socializing because you're at the club.

01:18:19.420 Do you feel – okay, so you feel like your tribe is comedians.

01:18:23.700 So you feel comfortable within that tribe of people?

01:18:27.760 I think so most of the time.

01:18:28.880 Outside of that tribe of people, how are you socially?

01:18:32.400 I like spending time within the recovery room, the recovery group, talking with people like that.

01:18:37.920 I love that kind of stuff.

01:18:40.420 But I need more time for myself.

01:18:42.100 I've got to do some things for myself.

01:18:43.520 I do everything.

01:18:44.240 It's just been work.

01:18:45.620 So I think part of me is just real tired.

01:18:47.280 So you are checking yourself into a men's recovery place to give yourself some space.

01:18:54.720 So you're not – are you – is that like rehab or is that like a meditation place?

01:19:01.080 I don't know.

01:19:01.780 I'm talking to like five or six of them right now just trying to decide or, you know, investigate.

01:19:06.040 And how long will you spend there?

01:19:07.460 I think I'll probably just do two weeks.

01:19:09.200 Okay.

01:19:09.560 And what do you hope to get from it?

01:19:11.300 I would just want to think – I want to build a relationship with my higher power.

01:19:14.920 I want to have – I want to go over like some intimacy issue kind of stuff.

01:19:19.740 And what else, dude?

01:19:21.320 Did you have a relationship with a higher power when you were growing up?

01:19:23.920 No.

01:19:24.900 No.

01:19:25.720 And what is your higher power?

01:19:27.980 Just God.

01:19:28.800 Just God.

01:19:29.460 Yeah.

01:19:30.220 A God of your understanding or a religious God, a Christian God?

01:19:33.980 Yeah.

01:19:34.260 I kind of attach it to a Christian God because that's what's most familiar for me.

01:19:37.640 But I'm just – I think a God.

01:19:39.360 I just believe in God.

01:19:40.900 Have you had your atheist moment?

01:19:43.160 I think I did when I was younger.

01:19:46.660 I didn't think that God existed, all this kind of anger.

01:19:49.840 But I don't think I had that anymore.

01:19:51.460 I want there to be a God.

01:19:52.700 I want there to be something that cares about me.

01:19:55.800 And do you pray in the morning and at night?

01:19:59.320 Yeah.

01:19:59.960 And you've started to do that since you were in recovery?

01:20:02.660 Yeah.

01:20:04.220 Mark?

01:20:05.300 No.

01:20:06.080 No.

01:20:06.540 Mark, you need it.

01:20:07.940 You need a cup.

01:20:08.760 I'll throw – I'll fire off a few for you, man.

01:20:10.620 Yeah, definitely.

01:20:12.380 Well, I was telling Rob earlier, I almost – there was a girl recently that I was chatting to,

01:20:16.980 a little way back, and she was very much into the Bible and religion.

01:20:20.620 And I caught myself – well, like, I thought – I was like, oh, yeah, I'd love to read the Bible too.

01:20:25.540 Oh, yeah.

01:20:26.540 Not lying in the moment, but afterwards, I was like, what am I doing?

01:20:29.840 I can't –

01:20:30.140 Yeah, you can't read.

01:20:33.240 What are you doing?

01:20:34.000 She was like, do you want to go to mass?

01:20:35.160 I'm like, oh, it's one of my favorite things to do.

01:20:37.260 Oh, I vomited on a woman once on accident and then met her at church in the morning.

01:20:42.920 She's like, you're not going to meet me.

01:20:44.000 And I was like, I'll meet you.

01:20:44.880 And I show up just – eyes just so red, just horrible.

01:20:49.680 So what was your drug of choice?

01:20:51.960 I think just feelings.

01:20:54.020 My own feelings is my biggest drug.

01:20:56.080 Just thinking of – just my brain is just – my thoughts and my feelings.

01:21:00.620 I've never really struggled that much with addiction, with, like, substances, you know?

01:21:04.780 I think I relate a lot more with, like, SLAA-type stuff and those type of things.

01:21:12.080 How do you sleep?

01:21:13.000 I don't sleep that great.

01:21:16.120 Yeah, me neither.

01:21:17.020 Me neither.

01:21:18.320 What do you think that is?

01:21:19.260 Do you think we're also just getting to be an age where we don't sleep well?

01:21:21.700 You think it's kind of like a –

01:21:22.840 Well, a new thing for me, like 47, is, like, peeing five times in the night.

01:21:29.760 Oh, no worries.

01:21:30.960 No worries, man.

01:21:31.580 You can't drink any water after about maybe 7 p.m.

01:21:34.380 Really?

01:21:35.340 Because it just keeps coming out of you.

01:21:37.500 Really?

01:21:38.280 That's why I see old people.

01:21:39.420 They're just traveling around, peeing in different places.

01:21:41.460 Yeah.

01:21:41.740 They're like dogs, yeah.

01:21:43.260 Like, it's just started to happen where I – you know, like, normally I would close my eyes

01:21:48.840 and when I did fall off to sleep, I would stay asleep.

01:21:51.220 Yeah.

01:21:51.660 Really?

01:21:51.820 But now – but now I go to sleep and then I wake up five times for a pee.

01:21:58.580 Is that –

01:21:59.340 I really don't – Jesus.

01:22:00.580 And that's happened in the last 12 months.

01:22:02.500 Well, there's machines talking in the distance, too, while we're laying there.

01:22:05.900 It's getting fucking pretty weird, you know.

01:22:07.940 That information is traveling through the air into your phones and computers and printers

01:22:12.560 and satellites and all.

01:22:14.940 Did you – have you been addicted to Ambien at any point?

01:22:17.620 No, never.

01:22:18.300 I would do it.

01:22:19.320 What's that again?

01:22:20.320 It's sleeping –

01:22:21.500 It's nighttime, baby.

01:22:21.960 Oh, really?

01:22:22.560 Yeah.

01:22:23.320 Were you?

01:22:23.940 Oh, yeah.

01:22:24.720 Were you really?

01:22:25.740 Was it good?

01:22:26.880 What'd you do?

01:22:27.480 What would you do on it, huh?

01:22:29.200 Sleep eat.

01:22:30.680 Oh, yeah.

01:22:31.460 So I would sleep –

01:22:32.240 Get up and have a pie, eh?

01:22:33.540 So I would sleep eat, yeah.

01:22:35.160 There was one time we were in Ireland and I was doing a show and they bought – they

01:22:40.700 bought 32 euro.

01:22:42.780 So like $32 worth of chocolate.

01:22:45.780 That's a lot.

01:22:46.760 Right?

01:22:47.080 Yeah.

01:22:47.800 And because of Ambien, I ate $32 worth of chocolate.

01:22:53.880 Amen.

01:22:54.460 Asleep.

01:22:55.320 What?

01:22:56.400 Completely asleep.

01:22:57.480 Amen.

01:22:57.700 Not known that I'd done it.

01:22:58.100 It's like a Japanese game show.

01:22:59.460 Yeah.

01:23:00.660 Yeah, you could do that.

01:23:02.220 Yeah.

01:23:02.680 That's unbelievable.

01:23:03.340 And did that cause you to shut it down and you're like, I'm going to roll the dice

01:23:05.820 again, see what else I can eat?

01:23:07.980 No, by that time I'm in, aren't I?

01:23:09.400 I'm addicted.

01:23:10.040 So I needed to go to sleep.

01:23:11.540 I'm also on tour.

01:23:12.780 And if I don't sleep and I'm on tour, then I'm going to just not perform the way that

01:23:17.640 I performed in the last gigs.

01:23:18.960 And oh my God, and I'm tired anyway.

01:23:20.460 So all the way through that tour, I was sort of like living like a monk food wise during

01:23:28.280 the day, sort of my body as a temple.

01:23:30.760 But then at night, I'd be taking these Ambien and then I would be eating the mini bar.

01:23:35.160 No way.

01:23:35.800 Yeah.

01:23:36.340 I'd be eating the menu.

01:23:37.400 Do you actually, you don't remember any of it?

01:23:39.100 You don't remember?

01:23:40.080 Don't remember any of it.

01:23:41.220 Wow.

01:23:41.680 But also another one was sort of like my security on tour.

01:23:45.880 They'd have the Ambien and I'd be like, can I have the Ambien?

01:23:50.260 So they give me the Ambien, right?

01:23:52.020 And then I'd go next door and then I'd have my Ambien and I'd fall asleep on the Ambien.

01:23:58.760 And then I would get up completely naked, go through to security room and have a conversation

01:24:07.260 with them as lucidly as this, but completely naked.

01:24:11.820 And asleep.

01:24:12.720 And asleep.

01:24:13.600 That's beautiful.

01:24:14.320 And then I'd wake up the next morning.

01:24:15.920 That's like Joe Biden.

01:24:16.520 I'd wake up the next morning and I'd go, I'd say, I didn't do it, did I?

01:24:21.320 And then this look on their eyes would just be like, yeah, yeah, yeah, you did do it.

01:24:26.840 That must be tough to get off.

01:24:29.880 Yeah, it was.

01:24:30.460 Yeah.

01:24:30.880 Yeah.

01:24:31.840 Jeez.

01:24:32.440 Because like you said, if you need sleep that much and then you can't sleep, you're like,

01:24:36.220 just give me the fucking pill.

01:24:37.420 Oh, that's the worst.

01:24:38.420 Especially if you're on tour.

01:24:39.200 Like if you get stressed out, like I got it.

01:24:40.820 If I don't get my sleep, I'm not.

01:24:43.000 Dude, I've been in positions where I play Wembley Stadium.

01:24:47.940 Wow.

01:24:49.220 I'm awake at 12 o'clock the next morning and I've got to play Wembley Stadium again.

01:24:56.280 In eight hours time.

01:24:58.100 And I haven't been asleep.

01:24:59.260 Really?

01:24:59.740 There's no drugs.

01:25:00.860 I'm completely and utterly sober.

01:25:02.840 It's just my mind is going.

01:25:04.380 Because you're in front of 80,000 people.

01:25:08.120 Oh, yeah.

01:25:08.660 And you've just shared this mass experience with them where you just like, you create your

01:25:13.660 own drug inside of you.

01:25:15.020 So you're creating dopamine, adrenaline, serotonin.

01:25:18.800 But like this crazy amount because there's 80,000 people looking at you and then you go

01:25:27.040 back to the room and you're sort of like, oh, yeah.

01:25:31.360 But then you've got to go do it again.

01:25:33.680 And that's why touring crushes me.

01:25:37.580 It's like, do you enjoy touring?

01:25:39.860 No, I don't at all.

01:25:41.880 Do you enjoy the gigs that feel spiritual and otherworldly?

01:25:47.060 Oh, my God.

01:25:47.760 I couldn't even tell you what they're like.

01:25:50.280 They're un-fucking-believable.

01:25:52.400 You know that moment where you're in the pocket.

01:25:54.020 You're in the pocket and you can't miss and everything that you do and you just free float.

01:25:59.740 Yes, that is absolutely otherworldly and incredible.

01:26:05.060 How often does that happen on tour?

01:26:06.740 Not very often.

01:26:07.860 Why?

01:26:08.380 Because I've had three hours sleep in the last week.

01:26:10.460 Oh, God.

01:26:11.700 And you've then got to do the thing.

01:26:14.060 You know, you're performers.

01:26:15.800 You've then got to go and do the thing again, which is why that, you know, I got the addicted

01:26:19.900 to Ambien.

01:26:20.360 The thing that I did last few weeks, have you tried magnesium to sleep?

01:26:26.420 Yeah, I have been taking magnesium at night.

01:26:27.780 It helps if I remember to take it.

01:26:29.400 Yes.

01:26:29.860 So how many milligrams are you taking in a magnesium?

01:26:31.740 Two pills, two white pills of it.

01:26:33.840 200 milligrams.

01:26:35.360 I don't know.

01:26:36.760 I feel it.

01:26:38.020 I think I feel it.

01:26:38.980 Yeah.

01:26:39.480 So did you take it last night?

01:26:41.780 Yeah.

01:26:42.280 Yeah.

01:26:42.640 So I think the magnesium has been giving me anxiety there.

01:26:46.140 Fuck.

01:26:46.620 Oh, really?

01:26:47.340 Fuck.

01:26:47.740 So I've been taking magnesium a lot over the last couple of weeks, and I've noticed that

01:26:52.040 I'm grumpy with the missus.

01:26:53.380 Oh, really?

01:26:53.700 Oh, yeah.

01:26:54.040 But are you sleeping?

01:26:55.420 Huh?

01:26:55.720 Are you sleeping?

01:26:56.920 Yeah, I'm sleeping.

01:26:57.860 Well, there you go.

01:26:58.660 I mean, you can't have it all.

01:27:01.040 Yeah, but so I've noticed the anxiety, too.

01:27:05.460 So I've knocked the magnesium on the head last couple of days, and the anxiety is gone.

01:27:09.460 I don't know.

01:27:10.440 Oh, really?

01:27:11.080 Yeah.

01:27:11.900 It's a dirty, man.

01:27:13.020 It's a fucking dirty experiment always going on inside of us, it feels like.

01:27:17.980 It's a real...

01:27:18.700 What time did you go to sleep?

01:27:19.620 What time did you wake up?

01:27:21.120 I went to sleep probably about 11.30.

01:27:22.820 Woke up at three in a fit of anger for about 40 minutes, and then went back to sleep.

01:27:27.540 Fit of anger in the middle of the night?

01:27:29.140 Yeah.

01:27:29.720 I'll do it.

01:27:30.280 I'll figure it out.

01:27:31.980 Yeah, yeah.

01:27:33.240 I've never heard anything.

01:27:34.580 So you wake up in a fit of anger about not being able to sleep?

01:27:37.920 I wake up, no, my brain starts thinking about something, then I'll start doing something

01:27:40.780 online, and then I'm angry.

01:27:43.860 Because I don't have a lot of time during the day sometimes, so it's like, oh, fuck,

01:27:47.100 I got a little bit of time, and then I'm too angry, and then I need to go back to sleep.

01:27:51.100 So I'll probably get into a nap today.

01:27:52.820 So what is your...

01:27:53.820 Nap is good when you drool.

01:27:55.400 You ever had that?

01:27:56.260 Yeah.

01:27:56.860 When your face just kind of orgasms, dude?

01:27:58.440 Okay, but like daytime sleep.

01:28:00.780 Daytime sleep, when you wake up from it, do you need sugar?

01:28:05.100 Oh, yeah, I do.

01:28:06.900 I haven't noticed that.

01:28:07.840 Yeah, daytime sleep, if I wake up, I need chocolate, or I need...

01:28:12.820 You're like the groggiest.

01:28:14.080 Yeah.

01:28:14.560 It's unreal.

01:28:15.520 But you're freaking eating chocolate in your damn sleep, bro.

01:28:18.180 You're damn Ichabod Crane out there.

01:28:20.080 I've knocked it on the head.

01:28:21.240 I've knocked chocolate on the head, cake on the head.

01:28:23.300 Really?

01:28:23.500 Oh, cake?

01:28:24.400 Yeah, yeah.

01:28:24.720 You can't do it on the way of cake, man.

01:28:26.520 I'll get married just to have some damn cake, boy.

01:28:28.740 I love cake.

01:28:29.380 I haven't eaten cake in years.

01:28:29.960 Which is your favorite cake?

01:28:30.860 I kind of like a...

01:28:33.260 Let me think.

01:28:34.040 I like a coconut cake.

01:28:36.800 What about red velvet?

01:28:38.320 Because I didn't know red velvet existed until I came to America, and I was just like,

01:28:42.160 uh-oh.

01:28:43.260 Yeah.

01:28:44.260 And have you had this cake celebration cake?

01:28:46.460 Uh-uh.

01:28:47.140 And it's like got rainbow colors in it, and like Skittles in the middle, or whatever it

01:28:50.740 is.

01:28:50.760 What?

01:28:51.040 Really?

01:28:51.380 No, it's a real thing.

01:28:52.240 Oh, yeah.

01:28:54.140 I've been at it.

01:28:54.680 Yeah, I don't have a...

01:28:56.660 It pisses people off that I have no inclination to eat.

01:29:00.080 You don't eat...

01:29:00.880 There's another thing that nobody touches on, is you not eating.

01:29:04.120 You're sick, boy.

01:29:05.400 So you're like an anorexic alcoholic?

01:29:08.260 Yeah, brother.

01:29:09.000 You're sick.

01:29:09.880 You're sick, buddy.

01:29:10.980 Lay down here.

01:29:11.680 We'll take your temperature.

01:29:12.660 He needs help.

01:29:13.300 Yeah.

01:29:13.560 I eat like healthy, but like I won't eat...

01:29:15.700 If you put fries here, I'd be like, I'm grand.

01:29:19.400 Like women would get upset if I went to dinner once in the blue moon.

01:29:23.220 They're like, just try this.

01:29:24.120 So I'd be like, I'm okay.

01:29:25.200 I'm okay.

01:29:25.780 Now I just say, I have gluten.

01:29:27.840 I have lactose.

01:29:29.020 And they're like, oh, I'm sorry.

01:29:30.360 Dude, in 20 years, we're just going to be having smoothies.

01:29:32.380 Nobody's going to eat anything anymore.

01:29:35.380 I had...

01:29:36.180 The kids gave me a bug, and I lost seven pounds in a week.

01:29:40.480 Oh, that's awesome.

01:29:41.720 Yeah, it was amazing.

01:29:43.100 But I've used it as the great reset, dietary-wise.

01:29:46.420 Oh, you actually...

01:29:47.980 I thought you were going to eat more cake.

01:29:49.420 No, no, no, no, no.

01:29:50.380 Because I wasn't cake in it, and I wasn't chocolate in it.

01:29:52.740 How did you cake then?

01:29:54.440 Well, but what I was doing, which was lying to myself, keto bars.

01:29:59.000 Yeah.

01:29:59.360 Have you seen these keto bars?

01:30:00.940 Keto bars and protein balls.

01:30:03.480 So you've seen these like bounce balls and da-da-da and all of these sort of things.

01:30:07.340 Basically, they should just be like calorie balls and calorie bars.

01:30:12.440 So I was like...

01:30:13.620 I was not having the chocolate or the cake, but I was nailing these things.

01:30:16.920 So now what I've done with this great reset is I've got rid of those, and every time I want one of those, I go for a banana or I go for an apple.

01:30:25.880 And it's nowhere near as full at all.

01:30:28.360 But it works.

01:30:29.000 But you can't be old and fat.

01:30:30.920 Yeah.

01:30:31.120 You can be old, but you can't be fat.

01:30:32.660 Yeah.

01:30:32.960 So I'm just trying my best not to be fat.

01:30:34.640 Have you ever been fat?

01:30:36.100 I was maybe fat when I was a little bit when I was young, like in the spring, but not as an adult.

01:30:42.320 Have you been fat?

01:30:42.940 I would do it.

01:30:43.560 Yeah, when I was young.

01:30:44.520 I remember when my nana called me fat.

01:30:46.180 I was on TV singing, like in a choir.

01:30:49.480 And I had a close-up, I think, and I came home.

01:30:51.540 I thought I was like in a boy band.

01:30:53.820 And then my nana was like, I saw you on TV.

01:30:55.520 You look very fat in the face.

01:30:57.320 Wow.

01:30:57.800 Yeah, and that messed me up.

01:30:59.020 Yeah.

01:30:59.340 You want to hear a weird story?

01:31:00.260 After she passed away, I couldn't take photos because I'd always be like this.

01:31:04.760 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

01:31:05.560 And after she passed away, the first photo I took, I was just like...

01:31:09.920 Oh, nana's dead.

01:31:11.260 But that's so mean because I loved her.

01:31:14.380 But I was like, well, I can smile again.

01:31:16.380 She died during a pandemic, eh?

01:31:18.120 Yeah, I actually thought she died like a year before.

01:31:20.900 I remember you told me that.

01:31:22.300 Yeah.

01:31:22.660 She was in like hospice.

01:31:24.640 And then I was like asking my parents every day, how's nana, is she alive?

01:31:28.780 And they're like, yeah, she's hanging on.

01:31:30.920 And I asked like four or five days in a row, and I was like, this is getting morbid.

01:31:34.000 Like, I don't want to keep bringing it up.

01:31:35.980 I want to be like, so anyway, it's sunny here.

01:31:38.340 So I stopped asking.

01:31:39.420 Was your nan your example of love when you were growing up?

01:31:43.980 Was she just like a wonderful person?

01:31:46.340 Oh, yeah.

01:31:47.520 Yeah, she was.

01:31:48.180 But she'd feed me cake and stuff.

01:31:49.780 Yeah.

01:31:50.040 Oh, yeah.

01:31:50.580 But she would call me fat.

01:31:51.940 Treat you warmly, though.

01:31:52.940 Yeah.

01:31:53.680 But she said fat in a loving way.

01:31:55.600 Oh, you're fat, Mark.

01:31:56.220 It didn't feel like it.

01:31:57.560 No, no, it would never would.

01:32:00.220 Oh, you're fat.

01:32:01.080 I didn't know I did it.

01:32:02.300 My brother saw me fixing my hair.

01:32:03.660 Oh, hang on.

01:32:04.080 So your grandma passed away just recently.

01:32:06.820 So it's only just recently that you've allowed yourself to smile with a fuller face.

01:32:10.900 Oh.

01:32:11.180 Yeah, yeah.

01:32:11.600 In photos.

01:32:12.180 Wow.

01:32:12.400 Yeah, yeah.

01:32:12.900 Just like just like out and about now in Los Angeles.

01:32:16.120 You're like, she's dead.

01:32:20.200 Like if someone takes a photo, I won't go.

01:32:23.920 Yeah.

01:32:24.420 You know, you make that dumb.

01:32:25.820 If they're like, hey, make the Nana's alive face.

01:32:28.180 Yeah.

01:32:28.480 Like, no, I do.

01:32:29.900 I do that a lot.

01:32:30.740 I go like.

01:32:33.240 Really?

01:32:33.640 There's another thing that.

01:32:34.920 OK, so side view.

01:32:36.760 So this here.

01:32:38.060 Uh-huh.

01:32:38.440 This here.

01:32:39.220 OK, so if you put your tongue on the onion.

01:32:42.100 Oh, that's clever.

01:32:43.740 Oh, it makes your chin pop out some, eh?

01:32:45.440 We just take a photo after all the three of us are just like.

01:32:49.600 Yeah, but you haven't.

01:32:50.940 Why have you got the.

01:32:52.000 Why have you.

01:32:52.480 Why do you do that?

01:32:53.580 Because you've got a chin.

01:32:54.920 Oh, yeah.

01:32:55.340 I just like having a little bit of hair on there.

01:32:57.340 It reminds me of like.

01:32:58.720 Insecurely.

01:33:00.180 What are you going to do?

01:33:01.240 And you keep in the.

01:33:02.320 I think you.

01:33:02.920 It's warm.

01:33:03.640 You rock the mullet.

01:33:04.980 So.

01:33:05.400 Oh, yeah.

01:33:05.820 But you've had it forever, right?

01:33:07.220 I've had it when I was a child.

01:33:08.440 I had it.

01:33:08.800 And then I didn't have it when I moved out here for a while.

01:33:10.940 And then I.

01:33:11.660 I just like my hair long.

01:33:12.960 It doesn't feel.

01:33:13.820 For me, it's not like a gimmicky type of thing.

01:33:15.620 Some people get like.

01:33:17.400 A gimmicky type of hair.

01:33:18.740 Haircut that, you know, for some purpose.

01:33:21.180 I just feel most comfortable in it.

01:33:23.000 Is it?

01:33:23.560 Oh, man.

01:33:25.640 Did you ever go through it?

01:33:26.540 Did you go through it?

01:33:26.960 No, I'm losing my hair.

01:33:28.140 Oh, he's doing fine.

01:33:29.080 No, I'm doing all right.

01:33:29.960 But then if it shines on the top of it.

01:33:32.320 It becomes like baby's bum.

01:33:34.360 So I went to go and have a thatch.

01:33:37.260 I went to go and have the.

01:33:38.240 I've had that.

01:33:38.980 Oh, did you do it?

01:33:39.740 Yeah.

01:33:40.120 I went to have it done.

01:33:41.060 And the guy was like, bad news.

01:33:42.680 Because they harvest it from here, right?

01:33:44.080 Yeah.

01:33:44.320 So bad news, your hair is so thin, we can't harvest it from there.

01:33:50.200 We'll do nothing.

01:33:51.120 So I was like, fuck that.

01:33:51.960 I'm going to have a second opinion.

01:33:53.200 Second opinion was, your hair is that thin, we can't harvest it from there.

01:33:57.500 It will do damage.

01:33:59.200 Thank God you came to see us because other people would have harvested it and fucked it up.

01:34:02.480 Oh, so what I did was I had these injections and I won't tell you how much they were, but

01:34:06.500 they were absolutely like a fortune to two vials of this stuff where they numb your head

01:34:12.200 and then they do this.

01:34:14.280 They put these vials in and in five months time, your hair will grow back much thicker.

01:34:21.140 And it costs the same price as my grandma's house, right?

01:34:25.160 Really?

01:34:25.640 Yeah.

01:34:26.560 Nothing.

01:34:27.160 Nothing's happened.

01:34:27.880 Really?

01:34:28.300 We're now seven months in and nothing's happened.

01:34:30.980 It looks fun.

01:34:31.540 You can't tell.

01:34:34.620 But like when I'm on stage and there's a 40 foot screen of me at the back and I'm giving

01:34:42.120 it the big end and you could do the sexy like that.

01:34:45.280 And they're going, yeah.

01:34:46.500 And then I look behind me and this guy with like double chin and no hair.

01:34:52.900 It's like, oh, thank you for humoring me.

01:34:56.720 Do you think it's hard to, that's one thing that's interesting about like the way we capture

01:35:01.500 ourselves now and especially like at your level of fame and popularity that you've had,

01:35:05.100 Robbie, that is it hard to live up to try and always live up to that?

01:35:10.160 Like live up to like, you know, because you're captured at such a young, vibrant time in

01:35:15.960 your life that you got to like, fuck, you know?

01:35:19.780 Well, I was, I was, my nickname in the press was Blobby Robbie through the nineties, which

01:35:24.940 really damaged me.

01:35:26.680 Kind of thicker?

01:35:27.880 Yeah.

01:35:28.140 Not like I, I have a tendency to balloon up.

01:35:30.820 That scone, huh?

01:35:31.480 Yeah.

01:35:32.100 And then, and then go down again.

01:35:33.980 But like, but it sort of, it damaged me and it's something, you know, it's like, I don't

01:35:40.040 want to look in the mirror.

01:35:40.840 I don't want to look at myself if I'm doing a photo shoot and they'll say, do you want

01:35:44.880 to come and check this out?

01:35:45.940 See how you look?

01:35:46.580 I'm like, no, thanks.

01:35:47.860 If I'm shooting a video, they're like, that was a great take.

01:35:51.120 Do you want to come and look?

01:35:52.020 No, thanks.

01:35:53.060 So I, I just don't like looking at myself, which is another one of those things when you're,

01:35:57.380 people are going, can I have my picture taken with you?

01:36:00.260 It's basically going, Hey, um, you know, all those things that you hate about yourself.

01:36:05.640 Now is the time to hate yourself about them.

01:36:08.740 Yeah.

01:36:09.320 I was like your rock DJ video where you're stripping naked.

01:36:13.400 It's like ripped and stuff.

01:36:14.740 If I had like a really good video like that and then saw a bad picture at the self hatred

01:36:20.260 would be, well, I'm body dysmorphic too.

01:36:23.260 Yeah.

01:36:23.420 Cause I'm like being, being like obese and being body dysmorphic.

01:36:28.720 Like the, for the first time that I was told I was body dysmorphic, a therapist.

01:36:32.520 And what does it mean?

01:36:33.020 Body dysmorphic?

01:36:33.680 You can't read that good or you can not read, but you can't, sorry, not read.

01:36:37.060 You can't like.

01:36:37.720 No, you think you're fatter than you are.

01:36:39.780 Oh yeah.

01:36:40.900 So it was like a compliment though.

01:36:42.840 When the therapist told me, it's like your body dysmorphic.

01:36:45.120 I was like, thank you.

01:36:47.680 Thank you.

01:36:49.580 But like when you're body dysmorphic and obese.

01:36:52.460 Oh, that's awful.

01:36:55.380 Because not only are you fat, but when you look at yourself, you're fatter than.

01:36:59.700 Oh, you're doubling down.

01:37:01.640 Yes.

01:37:02.260 Jesus.

01:37:02.960 Yes.

01:37:04.320 Oh, but then, you know, you know, you know, that, you know, that one where you just like,

01:37:09.500 Oh, I look awful.

01:37:10.340 And then 18 months later, you look at that photo.

01:37:12.380 You go, I was in good shape.

01:37:13.840 Oh, that's so nice.

01:37:15.640 That's body dysmorphia.

01:37:16.900 Oh, dude.

01:37:17.580 Cause I'll look at, when I look at younger pictures of myself, I'm like, God, you were

01:37:20.640 a handsome guy.

01:37:21.340 If I, if I only thought then that I was handsome, it would have been such a different fuck

01:37:26.120 instead of every day thinking I was horrible looking.

01:37:28.540 You're a striking looking guy.

01:37:30.380 You're a good looking guy.

01:37:31.400 Yeah.

01:37:31.720 Like it saw you in the, um, saw you, I'm happily married.

01:37:35.520 Saw you in the, uh, in the car park.

01:37:37.920 Pretty happily straight.

01:37:39.520 Saw you in the car park and decided, yeah, I think I was a good looking lad.

01:37:42.700 Oh, thanks, man.

01:37:43.540 I think like you, you waste your twenties thinking you're ugly.

01:37:47.820 Oh yeah.

01:37:48.680 You spend the whole time like being like, fuck.

01:37:50.920 I remember, I remember I'll see a photo and I'll be like, I remember being so uncomfortable

01:37:55.080 that night thinking I look like shit.

01:37:57.400 I look bad.

01:37:58.440 Yeah.

01:37:58.660 And now I see it.

01:37:59.320 I'm like, Oh fuck.

01:38:00.280 I was dapper.

01:38:01.660 Well, let's put it.

01:38:02.620 Why do we do it?

01:38:03.360 Okay.

01:38:03.640 Here's the thing, right?

01:38:04.840 I'm in an L, everything, large, everything.

01:38:08.540 I know I'm an M.

01:38:10.780 I know I'm an M.

01:38:12.440 I haven't been in an M for a long, long time.

01:38:16.140 Like I haven't been in an M for 15 years, 17 years since I met the wife and became happy.

01:38:23.340 Really?

01:38:23.880 Yeah.

01:38:24.140 I haven't been in M anything.

01:38:25.740 And the, this is what happens with me and weight is like I get overweight and then I do

01:38:29.980 something extreme to get underweight and then I get to underweight, but I'm really unhappy

01:38:35.540 because I'm not satiated and my body's going, feed me, feed me, feed me, feed me, feed

01:38:40.640 me.

01:38:40.820 And I'm like, I look wicked in clothes for that two seconds, two seconds that that happens.

01:38:46.160 The minute you stop being abusive to yourself by, you know, not giving yourself nutrients

01:38:52.380 and food, you instant.

01:38:54.260 So I'm like yo-yoing all the time.

01:38:55.980 I'm yo-yoing.

01:38:57.520 Yeah.

01:38:58.120 And you're not even yo-yoing, but you're watching the yo-yo go.

01:39:01.020 So it's like, you're like judging yourself at every different, every fluctuation of it.

01:39:06.360 Like, it's hard being alive.

01:39:08.060 It's fucking tricky.

01:39:09.320 Life is fun.

01:39:11.780 As we all get depressed.

01:39:13.360 That sounded forced, but I feel you, man.

01:39:16.020 I feel you.

01:39:17.380 What, who has that joke?

01:39:18.540 It's so good.

01:39:19.300 No, Norm MacDonald used to tell that joke.

01:39:20.820 People were like, people were always like, man, I can't believe it.

01:39:23.380 So-and-so killed themselves.

01:39:24.780 And he's like, you can't?

01:39:27.600 Haven't you ever been alive?

01:39:30.560 Yeah, that's his whole joke.

01:39:31.700 By the way, when Norm passed away, I just spent every waking hour listening to old interviews,

01:39:39.380 listening to stand-up sets.

01:39:41.960 Just like, there's a channel on YouTube, right?

01:39:45.740 It's like, not Norm or whatever.

01:39:47.200 But he's just the best.

01:39:50.940 Yeah, he's great.

01:39:52.120 Absolutely.

01:39:53.160 Unique.

01:39:54.020 Unique.

01:39:54.680 He's very, his British sense of humor kind of, do you think that it catered to?

01:39:58.040 I feel like British people would love it.

01:39:59.660 Yeah, sort of outsider.

01:40:02.460 Is it British?

01:40:03.820 Yeah, because it's so dry, would it be?

01:40:05.860 Yeah, dry.

01:40:06.620 Yeah, maybe that's the aspect of it.

01:40:08.900 Jimmy Dore, I really like listening.

01:40:11.560 He just had a, oh, no, who else am I thinking of?

01:40:16.380 Who's a British comedian who just had a special come out on Netflix?

01:40:18.920 Jimmy Carr.

01:40:19.200 Jimmy Carr.

01:40:19.700 Jimmy Carr, yeah, yeah.

01:40:20.900 And Jimmy Dore, I like.

01:40:22.040 But Jimmy Carr is a really nice guy.

01:40:24.440 You guys look a little bit alike.

01:40:25.520 People are telling you that now.

01:40:26.700 Yeah, he's a mate of mine.

01:40:27.980 We do look a bit alike.

01:40:29.160 A little bit, yeah.

01:40:29.980 I think we got the same plastic server.

01:40:33.520 Give me the Jimmy.

01:40:34.780 Give me the Robbie.

01:40:35.660 The full Jimmy.

01:40:36.380 Yeah, let's get one more question and then we'll get you guys out of here, man.

01:40:38.940 I appreciate your time today.

01:40:41.040 What else we got here, Kyle?

01:40:45.400 What's up, boys?

01:40:47.200 I have a question for Robbie, if you don't mind.

01:40:50.060 Robbie, some of your biggest gigs arguably have been in Australia, down under.

01:40:55.460 Yeah.

01:40:56.200 I've seen one in Melbourne and it was massive.

01:40:59.800 Unbelievable.

01:41:00.420 We went with my mum and dad.

01:41:01.880 Absolutely massive.

01:41:04.180 What do you love about Australia, Robbie?

01:41:06.700 Theo, I know you've been to Australia as well.

01:41:08.620 Oh, yeah.

01:41:08.960 Anything you love as well, mate?

01:41:11.440 Gang, gang, boys from Melbourne, Australia.

01:41:14.300 Gang.

01:41:15.220 Gang.

01:41:16.580 Gang.

01:41:17.020 So, here's a bit of anxiety, right?

01:41:20.980 So, I was watching, I'm a fan of yours and watch podcasts and always dip into your world,

01:41:27.920 see what you're up to.

01:41:29.360 And there was a Nick Swanson.

01:41:31.860 Nick, that's his name?

01:41:32.740 Oh, yeah.

01:41:33.420 Here's the podcast that you did with him.

01:41:35.400 And then there was the questions at the end.

01:41:37.620 And I was like, no one likes me.

01:41:40.960 Who's going to ask me questions?

01:41:42.080 Oh, you thought, let's go to a question.

01:41:43.660 There's none there.

01:41:44.220 Yeah, yeah.

01:41:44.720 Let's go to a question.

01:41:46.040 There's just going to be somebody abusing me.

01:41:48.760 Yeah.

01:41:49.420 What an arsehole.

01:41:51.080 Why have you got him on?

01:41:52.600 I didn't even know where he was going with that question either.

01:41:55.200 Yeah.

01:41:55.720 We had a bunch.

01:41:56.800 Do you know what?

01:41:57.600 I absolutely.

01:41:59.460 Here's a question for you, right?

01:42:00.620 It is my answer.

01:42:01.720 My answer is, if you could be born a different nationality, you have to choose one.

01:42:10.500 Mine would be Australian.

01:42:12.160 I would choose to be an Australian.

01:42:14.920 Oh, really?

01:42:15.160 Because I just absolutely love Aussies.

01:42:17.660 I absolutely adore Australia.

01:42:20.000 It's like, if I'd have come from Australia, I'd probably have a different relationship with it.

01:42:25.820 Like, in Australia, in England, I'm not allowed to be me.

01:42:30.600 I'm not allowed, you know, tall poppy syndrome, kill their own, let's, you know, build them up and then kill them.

01:42:37.060 And then keep killing them until they're dead 70 times.

01:42:39.900 But in Australia, they just allow me to be me and my sense of humour.

01:42:45.760 And they don't misquote me.

01:42:47.600 And, you know, it's like, Australia is like England, but without the shit.

01:42:53.520 And I just adore being there because I just feel as though I can exhale.

01:42:58.580 You know, it's like I feel as though I can let the stomach just go.

01:43:01.660 And, oh, God, I can be myself.

01:43:03.760 So, my answer to the question that I posed, if you could be born again and had to choose a different nationality, who would it be?

01:43:11.300 Australia.

01:43:11.880 Wow.

01:43:13.620 Australia.

01:43:14.040 I'd go maybe.

01:43:14.640 I love Australia too, man.

01:43:16.120 I love.

01:43:16.540 What I love about it is just like the energy over there.

01:43:19.480 People are excited.

01:43:20.840 People are willing to risk their lives every day for nothing, you know?

01:43:24.240 Yeah.

01:43:24.900 They'll die for nothing, dog.

01:43:26.560 You know what I'm saying?

01:43:27.180 It's like, yeah, it's just a bunch of human Red Bull cans, you know?

01:43:32.500 They're just willing to do whatever, man.

01:43:35.120 Nothing's off limits there.

01:43:37.060 And they're just real, like, loving and fucking outgoing.

01:43:40.820 They'll fucking love you so much, they'll fucking kill you, you know?

01:43:43.820 They're just really, really fired up, man.

01:43:46.000 They'll jump off of something and die, you know?

01:43:47.780 Just to give you a note, you know?

01:43:49.400 So, they're just, yeah, I love Australia, man.

01:43:53.460 I would probably go, I would go Australian.

01:43:54.940 I'd even maybe go dark Australian, maybe like a little mix, maybe white abo or something.

01:44:00.220 Go like grilled Australian, you know?

01:44:03.260 Just to have a little bit of that darker ambiance, but also still be Australian, you know?

01:44:08.640 A little bit more bush, but still whack, you know?

01:44:13.100 Still whack.

01:44:14.260 I'd go French.

01:44:15.540 Oh, you fucking pussy.

01:44:16.840 Just to be a complete cunt, to lean into me.

01:44:19.720 Oh, yeah.

01:44:20.600 And I could speak like, no, what do you mean?

01:44:24.780 My kids speak French.

01:44:27.360 Oh, my God.

01:44:28.220 My kids are fluent French.

01:44:29.560 Really?

01:44:30.020 Fluent.

01:44:30.360 How did it happen?

01:44:31.920 My wife's a Francophile, which means she thinks she's French.

01:44:34.640 She's from Coldwater Canyon, but, like, she thinks she's French.

01:44:37.560 So, my wife speaks French, Italian, Turkish.

01:44:41.660 Damn.

01:44:42.060 And my kids now have conversations in full French.

01:44:47.300 Really?

01:44:47.560 Oh, my God.

01:44:48.440 About me.

01:44:50.000 That's espionage, dog.

01:44:51.340 Yeah.

01:44:52.380 Yeah, it's super annoying.

01:44:54.920 Oh, if my kids were sitting around speaking in French, looking up at me and laughing, I forget.

01:45:00.240 And you're like, what are you saying about me?

01:45:12.760 Nothing, daddy.

01:45:13.880 You also just did an impersonation of every character from Waterboy, too.

01:45:18.120 So, I think, I mean, that's insane, though, man, to have French speakers in your own home, and you don't know what's going on, dude.

01:45:26.860 That's...

01:45:27.200 So, like, my son, Charlie, is six, and we were in Switzerland just recently, and I took him out on his scooter, and there was a lady, we call them lollipop ladies.

01:45:38.260 What are they called here?

01:45:39.420 The people that...

01:45:40.320 Pedestrian?

01:45:40.820 Thoughts, probably.

01:45:41.460 No, no, no, the ladies that helped, or the men that helped kids get across the pedestrian.

01:45:47.080 Oh, traffic guards.

01:45:48.420 Yeah, yeah, yeah, traffic guards, and she's like, she looks at me, she goes,

01:45:52.040 And I'm like, ah, I'm really sorry, anglaise, pardon.

01:46:00.860 And then Charlie, my six-year-old, goes, the lady says that there is a race in town, and there's going to be lots of people coming through on bikes, and it's going to be really dangerous.

01:46:10.420 It was, you better go across the road now.

01:46:13.500 Really?

01:46:14.040 I was just like...

01:46:15.420 Charlie's taking care of you.

01:46:17.760 Yeah.

01:46:18.920 You're getting let around by the six-year-old.

01:46:20.900 Charlie.

01:46:21.700 That's a cool name for a kid.

01:46:23.100 I like that name.

01:46:24.280 Oh, Charlton?

01:46:25.340 Ooh, that's a risk.

01:46:28.020 Why?

01:46:28.580 But Charlton just sounds like, because I think it's a candy also in America, Charlton's.

01:46:33.380 Oh, it used to be a dance, actually, the Charlton, didn't it?

01:46:35.600 That's the Charleston.

01:46:36.820 Oh, Charleston, yeah, close, though.

01:46:38.520 So, definitely, you could see him doing some dancing.

01:46:41.260 I've got a Charlton, a Beau, a Coco, and a Teddy.

01:46:45.900 Oh, man.

01:46:46.900 Teddy's Theodore, eh?

01:46:47.900 Yeah, Theodore.

01:46:48.760 Theodore, yeah, yeah.

01:46:49.540 Good name.

01:46:50.120 Where does Beau come from?

01:46:52.700 I don't know.

01:46:53.440 It just sounds good.

01:46:54.060 Beau is beautiful, and it's a French name, too.

01:46:56.320 Do you ever watch the Dukes of Hazzard?

01:46:58.020 Oh, yeah, dude.

01:46:59.100 Watch it, yeah.

01:46:59.520 Beau Duke.

01:47:00.180 Oh, yeah.

01:47:00.860 How's that spelt?

01:47:02.320 B-O.

01:47:03.140 Yeah.

01:47:03.640 Yeah.

01:47:03.900 But that's how I wanted Beau to be spelt.

01:47:05.740 Oh, yeah.

01:47:06.120 Because of the Dukes of Hazzard.

01:47:07.280 No, isn't it?

01:47:07.900 B-E-A-U.

01:47:10.000 Oh, yeah.

01:47:10.220 You lost that battle?

01:47:11.140 Yeah, I did.

01:47:11.860 Yeah, but like I...

01:47:12.560 In your head, you're like, B-O.

01:47:14.320 Yeah, it's still B-O.

01:47:16.020 One of my good mates from growing up was named Beau, actually.

01:47:18.700 And he, yeah, Beau's a popular name in Louisiana.

01:47:20.800 Yeah.

01:47:21.000 It's a real popular name.

01:47:21.780 I think Beau...

01:47:22.100 It's a redneck-y name, right?

01:47:23.820 Oh, let me think.

01:47:24.680 It can be, but it also is kind of like an affluent name.

01:47:28.260 So, I think it depends on how you spell it.

01:47:30.420 B-O is probably a little bit more rural.

01:47:32.960 Right.

01:47:33.220 And then B-E-A-U is a little bit more like French, you know?

01:47:39.520 French, yeah.

01:47:40.440 Beauregard.

01:47:41.280 Yeah.

01:47:41.780 I'd have wanted Beau to be called Beauregard.

01:47:43.760 That's a good name.

01:47:44.580 No, it's fucking not.

01:47:45.860 It's not.

01:47:46.000 Beauregard?

01:47:46.940 No, it's not.

01:47:48.100 Beauregard!

01:47:50.300 Beauregard, there's no...

01:47:51.340 No, yeah.

01:47:51.840 We had a blast.

01:47:52.460 I'm from Stoke.

01:47:53.280 Yeah.

01:47:54.000 From Stoke.

01:47:54.760 Yeah, but still, dude.

01:47:56.880 You need to be from East Sussex.

01:47:59.740 Is that a place?

01:48:00.340 East Sussex.

01:48:01.100 It sounds like one.

01:48:02.100 Yeah.

01:48:02.480 Yeah.

01:48:04.240 What about...

01:48:05.160 Okay, so here's a question for you.

01:48:07.580 Right.

01:48:08.000 Anxiety.

01:48:08.660 How's your anxiety been during...

01:48:10.100 Because we're heading to the end now, aren't we?

01:48:11.980 Yeah, of course.

01:48:12.760 So, how's your anxiety been through this podcast?

01:48:15.960 Mine's been good until you asked me a question.

01:48:19.880 You've just been the audience.

01:48:22.300 Yeah.

01:48:22.540 I've just been popping in.

01:48:23.640 You've done a great job of being there.

01:48:24.980 Mark's very supportive.

01:48:25.760 I will say it's one really...

01:48:27.680 I mean, he has a lot of great characteristics.

01:48:29.040 One of them is that he's very supportive.

01:48:30.840 He's a good comedian.

01:48:31.520 You just can't understand what he's saying.

01:48:32.620 You know what I'm saying?

01:48:33.040 So, it's almost trickery because he can be like,

01:48:35.300 I'm great at this.

01:48:36.040 And then you just don't know what he's talking about.

01:48:37.680 My new thing is to explain the joke to the audience.

01:48:40.260 I'm like, all right, this is why some of you didn't laugh.

01:48:42.340 Let me announce it.

01:48:43.320 Do you worry about that being in America

01:48:46.700 and trying to...

01:48:49.140 Being successful in the career that you're choosing to be,

01:48:51.240 but in a place where they can't understand you?

01:48:53.000 Yeah, I'm just trying to figure out how to navigate it.

01:48:55.660 Yeah.

01:48:56.020 Do you clip your words so that people...

01:48:58.680 Yeah, sometimes.

01:48:59.880 Like, instead of like, if I say the path,

01:49:03.660 I have to be like, oh, I was on the sidewalk.

01:49:06.280 Yeah.

01:49:06.760 But it's not, you know, like bonnet, boot.

01:49:10.000 It's not all of that.

01:49:11.200 It's your accent.

01:49:12.960 Yeah.

01:49:13.580 Oh, yeah, definitely.

01:49:14.840 I'll be like, but if I call it out,

01:49:16.780 if I say like, I went to the bar.

01:49:19.260 Yeah.

01:49:19.640 And then people are like, he went to the bar.

01:49:21.940 And I'm like, oh, I went to the bar.

01:49:24.560 So people know you're at the bar.

01:49:26.560 Yeah, but like...

01:49:27.440 No doubt about that.

01:49:29.200 Yeah, but like if you're road testing material

01:49:31.300 and you're like, that didn't work.

01:49:33.180 It's like, do you know if it didn't work?

01:49:34.640 Because they just didn't understand it.

01:49:35.820 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

01:49:35.840 That's why I have to figure it out.

01:49:37.020 I'm like, oh, if I even say like the stair,

01:49:39.380 like she had stairs in her ceiling.

01:49:41.500 On her ceiling.

01:49:43.220 She had stairs on her ceiling.

01:49:44.720 That's a rash, Mark.

01:49:45.480 But I was like, why do they not get...

01:49:48.980 And I figured out then,

01:49:50.340 they think I'm saying she had stairs on her ceiling.

01:49:52.680 On her ceiling.

01:49:53.780 Right, right, right, right.

01:49:54.520 So I'd be like, oh, no,

01:49:55.760 stars like twinkle, twinkle.

01:49:57.720 I just have to explain it a bit more.

01:50:00.160 I have to treat the audience like they're dumb.

01:50:02.220 Yeah.

01:50:02.560 Do you know what that means?

01:50:04.920 We're getting dumb here, dude.

01:50:06.620 America, we're getting dumb fast, man.

01:50:08.900 There was one more interesting thing

01:50:10.640 I was going to ask you,

01:50:11.680 but I think I almost forgot what it was.

01:50:13.740 No, I don't get too much anxiety around you.

01:50:16.780 You seem, you're very welcoming.

01:50:18.280 I think you have a very welcoming

01:50:19.320 and inviting personality.

01:50:20.780 You ask a lot of questions.

01:50:22.040 And so I think it, yeah,

01:50:24.040 I don't feel a ton of anxiety around you.

01:50:26.500 Do you, when you do podcasts,

01:50:28.680 do you revise the night before

01:50:31.280 or do you just rock up and hit it?

01:50:34.660 Sometimes I revise.

01:50:36.000 You know, when I talk with Mark about you coming in,

01:50:38.060 like, you know, I know about your career,

01:50:39.420 but I didn't know like what your energy was like really.

01:50:42.260 Um, but Mark, you know,

01:50:44.840 just said you're basically just a pretty normal guy

01:50:47.700 to be around and that it's engaging conversation.

01:50:50.740 And so I didn't think too far past that.

01:50:53.620 Uh, we got some questions from folks

01:50:55.400 and then, yeah,

01:50:56.860 I just like to kind of see what's going on with the day.

01:50:58.700 But if we had an author come in,

01:51:00.640 then we like,

01:51:01.280 we had an author come in the other day.

01:51:02.800 And so with him, we, you know,

01:51:04.840 went through and read like half the book

01:51:06.620 as much as I could.

01:51:07.400 Do you think Joe Rogan sort of just rocks up these days?

01:51:11.440 Or do you think that he puts in a bit of,

01:51:13.620 I think it's a mix.

01:51:15.640 I think Joe Rogan,

01:51:16.520 and this is something I learned about him recently

01:51:18.080 was that he always was very,

01:51:21.020 people would say he talked too much.

01:51:22.680 He said,

01:51:23.280 he said people when I was younger would say,

01:51:24.760 man, you talk too much, you know?

01:51:26.380 And then look what he did with it.

01:51:27.900 He like is extremely curious.

01:51:30.820 So he has,

01:51:31.940 I think a very curious nature.

01:51:33.760 So curiosity,

01:51:35.340 I think if you have it inside of you,

01:51:37.020 it makes your brain,

01:51:38.060 it like gives your face questions all the time

01:51:40.040 to get to ask someone.

01:51:41.400 So if your curiosity is really working,

01:51:44.160 I think my curiosity works better

01:51:46.300 when I'm feeling good,

01:51:47.500 when I'm not like in a space of self very much,

01:51:50.900 where my brain isn't kind of worrying

01:51:52.160 about things in my own world.

01:51:53.800 So I think the healthier I am mentally and stuff,

01:51:55.940 the more curiosity I have and the better I do.

01:51:58.540 But what do I think Joe does?

01:52:00.200 I think at this point,

01:52:01.100 he probably has enough comfort

01:52:02.980 with how to do certain things.

01:52:04.920 He knows the mechanism.

01:52:06.180 Yeah.

01:52:06.580 Do you,

01:52:07.420 when you're doing podcasts,

01:52:09.440 do you find that you are insanely concentrating?

01:52:15.540 Do you find,

01:52:16.140 like for example,

01:52:17.100 when I'm doing a podcast,

01:52:18.320 whether I did one interview

01:52:20.340 where I was asking the questions,

01:52:21.740 but the rest of the time I'm on podcasts,

01:52:23.480 I am just hyper-focused.

01:52:25.720 Wow.

01:52:26.280 Are you hyper-focused in these moments?

01:52:28.420 So I was watching you do the Nick thing,

01:52:31.020 the Nick Swanson thing,

01:52:32.120 and it was just like,

01:52:32.800 it was just chatting the shit between two people

01:52:34.840 and it felt very natural

01:52:36.680 and it felt very comfortable.

01:52:38.400 Yeah.

01:52:38.760 Because if I'm,

01:52:40.300 if this is on and I am here,

01:52:42.240 I am just like,

01:52:43.740 like I've taken seven Adderall.

01:52:45.520 I have taken seven Adderall.

01:52:47.160 Let me think,

01:52:47.720 I guess I do feel more focused than usual.

01:52:49.880 It's kind of a respite from the rest of my day.

01:52:51.640 So I'm grateful that I have to think about other people

01:52:54.660 and,

01:52:54.900 you know,

01:52:54.980 just be involved with others.

01:52:56.480 So that's nice.

01:52:57.760 But do I feel hyper-focused?

01:52:59.500 I think it depends.

01:53:01.580 I know that people like

01:53:03.000 when people are just having a conversation,

01:53:04.940 when it doesn't feel sometimes

01:53:06.240 like there's a ton of planning,

01:53:07.820 I find.

01:53:09.640 So.

01:53:10.020 And what does the rest of your day look like?

01:53:12.020 The rest of my day looks like,

01:53:13.660 I'll probably patch up with these guys

01:53:15.420 and make sure everything's good.

01:53:16.940 Look at some social media clips

01:53:18.460 and stuff like that.

01:53:19.400 I got to check in with a sponsor.

01:53:24.640 So I had a little bit of a falling out with a sponsor.

01:53:27.100 So I need to check in with him

01:53:28.140 and decide what I'm going to do.

01:53:30.240 Are you on meds?

01:53:32.020 No.

01:53:32.660 I've been off for like about two months,

01:53:35.060 but it's also scary

01:53:35.940 because I feel like I had,

01:53:37.700 because I got on them like 15 years ago.

01:53:39.740 So it's like.

01:53:40.520 Why are you off them?

01:53:41.520 I think because I just had,

01:53:43.040 I felt like I wasn't having a lot of feelings.

01:53:45.260 So I'm like,

01:53:45.800 it's one of the reasons I'm not having feelings

01:53:47.680 because I'm on these meds.

01:53:49.840 Like part of me,

01:53:50.580 I was thinking sometimes like it's hard for me to like,

01:53:52.300 I feel like if I want to like fall in love with somebody.

01:53:55.000 So I was like,

01:53:56.280 maybe I'm not.

01:53:57.300 Maybe I'm not.

01:53:58.320 Maybe I'm not feeling love because I don't.

01:54:00.920 And how do you feel about that being two months off them now?

01:54:03.900 I feel like I have a lot of like,

01:54:05.660 I've been kind of like a little bit more tearful,

01:54:09.020 honestly,

01:54:09.360 dude,

01:54:09.520 a little bit more emotional.

01:54:10.800 Yeah.

01:54:11.120 Yeah.

01:54:11.320 So that's been a little bit kind of almost a little bit alarming.

01:54:14.840 But then part of me is like,

01:54:15.500 maybe there's these feelings that have been needed to get out for so long

01:54:18.200 and they haven't.

01:54:19.220 So I just don't know.

01:54:20.260 For me and I am not.

01:54:21.880 Yeah.

01:54:22.280 Obviously.

01:54:22.840 We're not doctors.

01:54:23.540 We're not doctors.

01:54:24.480 And I'm not saying,

01:54:25.400 I'm not suggesting.

01:54:25.900 We've never had a doctor in here.

01:54:27.400 Mark's a doctor.

01:54:28.420 Yeah,

01:54:28.860 Mark is.

01:54:29.500 I'm not suggesting anybody do what I'm doing at all.

01:54:32.100 It's not what I'm saying.

01:54:32.980 Just how this is working for me.

01:54:34.640 I'm on motherfucking meds.

01:54:36.320 And that's the way it's going to stay.

01:54:37.600 Wow.

01:54:38.180 That's it.

01:54:38.980 I am totally in.

01:54:40.460 I don't need to go and evaluate,

01:54:42.960 see if there's some feelings that need coming out.

01:54:45.520 Oh, yeah.

01:54:45.900 I spent,

01:54:48.520 I would say,

01:54:50.220 1990 to 2006

01:54:57.820 in abject misery of some form or another

01:55:02.760 because of my poor mental health.

01:55:06.040 And I don't want to waste another second in there.

01:55:10.940 Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

01:55:11.760 Yeah.

01:55:12.120 That makes sense.

01:55:13.040 You know,

01:55:13.420 and that's,

01:55:14.200 that's for me,

01:55:15.540 you know,

01:55:15.880 it's like I'm in the relationship with my missus.

01:55:19.700 I've got the kids.

01:55:22.500 For me,

01:55:23.120 it makes total sense just to be like,

01:55:25.320 okay,

01:55:25.580 this is my life.

01:55:26.640 This is what I need for it to happen.

01:55:29.360 This is what I'm doing.

01:55:30.860 Wow.

01:55:31.740 I think about that too.

01:55:32.860 I think about getting back on actually.

01:55:35.040 Yesterday was the first time I thought about it.

01:55:36.500 What were you on?

01:55:36.980 Just on Sertraline or something.

01:55:38.460 Generic Prozac,

01:55:39.340 I think.

01:55:40.520 Fluoxetine.

01:55:41.140 What,

01:55:41.360 what,

01:55:41.700 what milligram?

01:55:42.800 Pretty low dose.

01:55:43.860 Like 10?

01:55:45.040 Yeah,

01:55:45.460 maybe 15.

01:55:46.600 Okay.

01:55:46.940 It's nothing.

01:55:48.320 Yeah.

01:55:49.400 And,

01:55:49.860 and have you not had the zaps?

01:55:51.980 The,

01:55:52.400 the coming off them?

01:55:53.580 How did you wean off them?

01:55:55.900 Uh,

01:55:56.380 I weaned,

01:55:57.060 uh,

01:55:57.280 pretty decently,

01:55:57.940 like cutting down pills,

01:55:59.100 getting the smallest pills and then cutting them in half and stuff like that.

01:56:02.300 No,

01:56:02.520 I haven't had anything like that.

01:56:03.700 I've just been more emotional.

01:56:04.760 I notice,

01:56:05.420 like I'll start talking to somebody and then I'm balling up and they're like,

01:56:08.340 sir,

01:56:08.800 this is a Carl's Jr.

01:56:11.500 And we're closed.

01:56:13.980 I'm like,

01:56:14.600 sorry,

01:56:15.140 mate.

01:56:15.600 But that,

01:56:16.040 but that happens with me.

01:56:17.340 It's like,

01:56:18.040 I,

01:56:18.680 all of a sudden,

01:56:20.500 I hope,

01:56:21.620 though,

01:56:21.960 uh,

01:56:22.440 we'll just,

01:56:22.880 and my wife will be like,

01:56:25.140 boozy.

01:56:25.800 And I'll be like,

01:56:26.440 really?

01:56:27.840 Yeah.

01:56:28.460 But what I've done is,

01:56:29.720 is forgotten to take my meds for six days.

01:56:32.940 But,

01:56:33.520 but I,

01:56:34.040 but I don't know that I've forgotten to take my meds until,

01:56:37.640 and,

01:56:37.820 and every time it happens,

01:56:39.160 I forget that that's why I'm crying.

01:56:42.180 And it happens twice a year where I'll just be like,

01:56:48.100 and my wife will be like,

01:56:49.660 cause like they,

01:56:50.580 she,

01:56:50.740 she responds so much better to tears than anger.

01:56:54.640 Yeah.

01:56:55.600 Yeah.

01:56:55.840 It's like,

01:56:56.400 I am angry about your timekeeping.

01:56:59.740 And she'll be like,

01:57:00.820 and then like,

01:57:01.460 I get in trouble for being angry about her timekeeping.

01:57:03.800 But if I went,

01:57:04.660 I don't know what to do.

01:57:07.580 Timekeeping.

01:57:08.340 She'd be like,

01:57:08.960 I try to make it.

01:57:10.840 But it's the weirdest thing with the meds where I just forget to take them

01:57:15.960 occasionally.

01:57:17.160 And then I make the solemn swear that I will never forget to take them ever

01:57:20.640 again,

01:57:20.940 because it's really bad.

01:57:22.260 And then I'll just forget.

01:57:23.320 Do you ever feel that like if you take the meds,

01:57:25.280 you're given it,

01:57:26.020 they're like,

01:57:26.240 there's just some like big pharmacy system you're given into.

01:57:29.240 I don't know if I feel that way.

01:57:30.580 Oh,

01:57:30.720 I kind of,

01:57:31.280 I've never taken meds and never cry.

01:57:33.020 So I'm the opposite of both.

01:57:35.500 No,

01:57:35.960 but I just wonder why would God put us together where we don't,

01:57:38.720 or,

01:57:39.000 you know,

01:57:39.160 why would the,

01:57:40.020 why would we be put together where we need some other thing?

01:57:42.820 You know,

01:57:43.060 it seems like we would be okay,

01:57:44.340 but maybe also having meds could be just a side effect of where we are as a

01:57:48.000 population and species in time.

01:57:49.680 Like that one,

01:57:50.760 we're way different than what things used to be like.

01:57:52.960 Yeah.

01:57:53.720 You know,

01:57:54.420 the,

01:57:54.700 the,

01:57:54.800 the past is a,

01:57:56.500 is a different country.

01:57:57.560 They do things differently.

01:57:58.980 That's a great statement.

01:57:59.780 The past is a different country.

01:58:00.920 Yeah.

01:58:01.540 It's,

01:58:02.140 it's all sorts of changed.

01:58:03.880 That's why,

01:58:04.480 you know,

01:58:05.060 everybody's frigging mentally ill now is because of what society is doing to

01:58:11.880 itself.

01:58:12.680 And if I can just have like a breather,

01:58:16.340 if I can have something that gives me a breather from myself,

01:58:19.960 I'm good with that.

01:58:21.420 I'm good with that.

01:58:21.960 It's kind of like,

01:58:22.640 why would you get a haircut of God?

01:58:24.120 Didn't want you to.

01:58:25.200 Why would you put on clothes?

01:58:26.540 Yeah.

01:58:26.900 So like,

01:58:27.340 it's kind of like,

01:58:27.980 giving into Balenciaga.

01:58:30.920 Those cheap shoes.

01:58:35.500 Oh,

01:58:35.880 that's a great joke.

01:58:37.640 Maybe we'll finish there.

01:58:39.580 Oh,

01:58:39.860 can I ask about your teeth before you go?

01:58:41.580 Yeah.

01:58:42.060 Are they yours?

01:58:42.800 Yeah.

01:58:43.340 Well done.

01:58:44.280 Thanks man.

01:58:44.880 Oh wait,

01:58:45.200 actually these two are fake.

01:58:46.960 Are they?

01:58:47.420 Yeah.

01:58:47.600 Are yours yours?

01:58:48.180 The canines.

01:58:48.580 Yours are yours.

01:58:49.240 Yeah.

01:58:49.500 Yeah.

01:58:49.820 Yeah.

01:58:50.040 You got good teeth.

01:58:50.660 You got good white teeth.

01:58:51.600 Mine is getting a little beiged out.

01:58:53.040 No,

01:58:53.240 yours are,

01:58:53.780 he's got American teeth,

01:58:54.960 doesn't he?

01:58:55.120 I gotta shine up.

01:58:55.680 You got such amazing teeth.

01:58:58.200 Yeah.

01:58:58.460 Yeah.

01:58:58.540 Wow.

01:58:59.020 When I was young,

01:58:59.760 I had spaced out teeth.

01:59:01.500 You know?

01:59:01.920 And then you,

01:59:02.500 did you have a retainer?

01:59:03.400 Yeah,

01:59:03.560 I got the retainers.

01:59:04.340 Yeah.

01:59:04.700 Sometimes I wish I could go back,

01:59:05.940 but it's all good.

01:59:06.820 I'm gonna,

01:59:07.320 I want teeth like you.

01:59:08.260 I'm gonna go and get some teeth in a bit.

01:59:09.380 Really?

01:59:09.820 In a bit,

01:59:10.340 yeah.

01:59:11.140 I don't know.

01:59:12.460 Yeah,

01:59:12.740 yeah,

01:59:12.940 yeah.

01:59:13.060 You kind of,

01:59:13.840 I feel like you have that kind of like Andy Dufresne,

01:59:16.160 like runs a train,

01:59:17.140 like you were like a train conductor kind of vibe.

01:59:19.800 You don't want those bright white teeth that people get in like Zimbabwe or something.

01:59:24.200 Oh,

01:59:24.360 no,

01:59:24.480 no,

01:59:24.600 I don't want,

01:59:25.020 I don't want a mouth full of teeth like that.

01:59:26.580 I want yours.

01:59:27.560 Yeah.

01:59:28.100 Oh,

01:59:28.220 you can.

01:59:28.480 Yeah,

01:59:28.640 but you,

01:59:29.020 you look as though you,

01:59:29.920 you,

01:59:30.220 you've got the,

01:59:31.560 you've got a mouth full of teeth.

01:59:32.840 They don't look like yours.

01:59:33.860 Yeah.

01:59:34.100 Yeah.

01:59:34.340 Really?

01:59:35.020 What is it?

01:59:35.600 What is it?

01:59:36.300 Right.

01:59:37.540 Economic background on you growing up.

01:59:39.180 Not great.

01:59:39.700 Right.

01:59:40.120 Yeah.

01:59:40.380 Yeah.

01:59:40.560 Not good.

01:59:41.080 Shitty.

01:59:41.660 Yeah.

01:59:41.880 Shit.

01:59:42.040 What is it about your economic background growing up?

01:59:46.700 Shitty.

01:59:47.560 Teeth.

01:59:48.320 Amazing.

01:59:49.020 Yeah.

01:59:49.320 My economic background growing up.

01:59:51.500 Shitty.

01:59:52.420 Teeth.

01:59:53.220 Brown.

01:59:53.960 Bitty.

01:59:55.120 Yeah.

01:59:55.300 What,

01:59:55.500 what happens?

01:59:56.640 What's the psyche?

01:59:58.040 With America and the psyche with the UK and Ireland where we're just like,

02:00:02.980 fuck teeth.

02:00:03.640 Maybe in America,

02:00:04.380 they think everyone can be a movie star.

02:00:07.440 Do you think that's what it is?

02:00:08.340 Well,

02:00:08.460 they can,

02:00:08.880 because you possibly can.

02:00:10.160 Yeah.

02:00:10.660 Like,

02:00:10.900 I just don't think that like teeth are down the line.

02:00:14.280 Yeah.

02:00:14.680 Like haircut,

02:00:15.500 nails.

02:00:16.340 Yeah.

02:00:16.660 I mean,

02:00:16.880 it's past liver for you.

02:00:20.220 Well,

02:00:20.960 I think generally,

02:00:22.260 like,

02:00:22.520 I also notice,

02:00:23.240 like,

02:00:23.500 if you do like a lot of,

02:00:25.580 uh,

02:00:26.160 I,

02:00:27.300 I,

02:00:27.520 I thought when I was in,

02:00:28.960 in law or in United Kingdom or Britain,

02:00:32.600 that they had more,

02:00:34.900 a lot of the,

02:00:36.220 uh,

02:00:37.100 women,

02:00:38.020 the men were better looking than the women.

02:00:39.760 I felt like,

02:00:40.320 I thought that,

02:00:44.620 and you know,

02:00:45.080 it could have just,

02:00:45.540 I didn't see a ton of couples.

02:00:46.620 I probably only saw about 80 couples,

02:00:48.020 you know,

02:00:49.180 and a lot of lonesome men,

02:00:51.080 which is my audience,

02:00:52.120 but,

02:00:53.260 which I'm grateful for guys.

02:00:55.780 Uh,

02:00:56.460 but I,

02:00:57.580 I felt like maybe the women was more,

02:00:59.560 you see a lot more tanned women as well.

02:01:01.320 Like the fancy women in England is real tanned up and,

02:01:04.060 fake tan.

02:01:05.180 Yeah.

02:01:05.440 It's like a popular thing,

02:01:06.820 you know,

02:01:07.280 they were all in sheets.

02:01:08.320 That's one thing when you arrive in Los Angeles,

02:01:10.660 just the amount of good looking women is just on.

02:01:14.560 Yeah.

02:01:15.380 Unbelievable.

02:01:16.120 I know we touched on it before,

02:01:17.360 but it's,

02:01:18.060 I remember like getting here and I was just like on a sidewalk at the,

02:01:24.000 the lights.

02:01:24.700 And I just thought I'm going to count every fit woman in the car.

02:01:29.300 I was like 23 at the time.

02:01:31.200 I'm going to count.

02:01:32.240 I'm going to count 50.

02:01:33.740 See how many fit women there are.

02:01:35.600 Oh yeah.

02:01:36.040 They're all just like one,

02:01:37.180 two,

02:01:37.320 three.

02:01:39.840 It was,

02:01:40.580 it was like the ratio was 50 to 50.

02:01:43.340 Really?

02:01:43.820 Yeah.

02:01:44.040 Yeah.

02:01:44.280 Yeah.

02:01:44.440 Yeah.

02:01:44.640 Yeah.

02:01:44.740 It's the fit to non-fit.

02:01:45.880 It is unreal here.

02:01:47.420 Yeah.

02:01:47.600 That's true.

02:01:48.180 People are just at least fit.

02:01:50.120 They're like a,

02:01:51.240 they fit well.

02:01:52.060 Yeah.

02:01:52.600 Everybody's yeah.

02:01:53.160 People could do a medium here and there.

02:01:54.620 Okay.

02:01:55.600 Um,

02:01:56.040 do you think that,

02:01:57.200 uh,

02:01:57.720 Oh shit.

02:01:59.300 It was good though.

02:02:01.480 Oh,

02:02:01.780 did you ever hire one of those dating services?

02:02:03.640 If you got some money to help you find a decent lady?

02:02:06.400 Uh,

02:02:06.760 cause I wonder if when you're popular at your level of fame,

02:02:10.080 how do you seed out,

02:02:12.300 you know,

02:02:12.500 like I didn't want to be in a relationship.

02:02:15.200 So no,

02:02:15.960 but I,

02:02:16.500 I would have done if it had carried on for longer.

02:02:20.500 I met either when I was 32,

02:02:22.320 I'm now 47.

02:02:24.480 Yeah.

02:02:24.900 Yeah.

02:02:25.080 You look great for 47,

02:02:26.220 mate.

02:02:26.360 Well,

02:02:26.560 thank you very much.

02:02:27.480 Yeah.

02:02:27.700 I like that.

02:02:28.360 Yeah.

02:02:28.520 So,

02:02:29.440 um,

02:02:30.260 I,

02:02:30.480 I probably would have done eventually.

02:02:33.200 Uh,

02:02:33.560 but at the point,

02:02:34.300 at that point in time,

02:02:35.200 I didn't want to be in a relationship.

02:02:36.660 So no,

02:02:37.400 I didn't.

02:02:38.260 Imagine you on Tinder.

02:02:41.560 Raya,

02:02:42.100 isn't it?

02:02:42.640 Are you on Raya?

02:02:43.480 Yeah,

02:02:43.700 it's awful.

02:02:44.480 Is it?

02:02:44.820 Why is it awful?

02:02:45.680 Cause you just like,

02:02:46.300 you match and you talk and then it stops.

02:02:48.260 It's very like,

02:02:49.200 why does it match and talk and lock?

02:02:51.080 Because there's bigger,

02:02:52.400 better offer.

02:02:53.420 There always is on that side of the right.

02:02:55.580 Yeah.

02:02:55.860 Like it's.

02:02:56.380 Shaq is on there.

02:02:57.140 I heard.

02:02:57.600 Yeah.

02:02:57.960 Like all these famous people.

02:03:00.460 Yeah.

02:03:00.820 So if you're not Diplo.

02:03:02.320 Yeah.

02:03:02.840 Yeah.

02:03:03.160 If you,

02:03:03.540 if you're not Diplo,

02:03:04.440 you're not getting to look in.

02:03:05.320 Is that what you get an initial look in,

02:03:06.980 but then they'll match with someone else.

02:03:08.280 Yeah.

02:03:08.500 They'll look out.

02:03:09.120 Yeah.

02:03:09.800 The conversation is very,

02:03:11.760 how's it going?

02:03:12.440 Not too bad.

02:03:13.060 And you done.

02:03:14.700 What are you,

02:03:15.260 are you on those?

02:03:16.180 I'm not on.

02:03:16.980 I think about it sometimes,

02:03:18.100 but I'm trying to go the other way right now.

02:03:19.740 I got to get a little bit of space,

02:03:21.040 but I just don't need to be doing anything like,

02:03:25.320 because I'm just feeling compulsive about it.

02:03:27.740 That's what I,

02:03:28.180 that's what I'm overall working on.

02:03:29.460 It's just compulsivity.

02:03:30.720 Find someone you really like.

02:03:32.040 Yeah.

02:03:33.040 Then don't be a cunt.

02:03:35.200 And that's a,

02:03:35.840 that's a possibility too.

02:03:36.760 I want to leave that door open.

02:03:38.440 That's all you've got to do.

02:03:39.740 The second part is hard.

02:03:41.320 Yeah.

02:03:41.540 But then,

02:03:42.120 you know,

02:03:42.300 I don't know.

02:03:42.780 I think it,

02:03:43.320 I also think there's a time in your life where you get to where you're ready to do that.

02:03:46.580 And I think it's part of me feels myself getting there a little bit.

02:03:49.620 Well,

02:03:49.880 it's that's really bullshit.

02:03:51.120 Yeah.

02:03:51.380 That's what you're saying the whole time.

02:03:53.280 Yeah.

02:03:53.440 That's what I was saying the whole time.

02:03:54.480 It's like,

02:03:54.700 I wasn't ready at 32.

02:03:57.040 Apparently I was because I have been since I've been 32.

02:04:00.960 It's like,

02:04:01.560 you are ready now.

02:04:03.780 Yeah.

02:04:04.400 You know,

02:04:04.840 you just don't know it.

02:04:07.040 Find,

02:04:07.400 you know,

02:04:07.880 if she comes in and she makes you laugh and you trust her and you like looking at her,

02:04:15.660 marry it.

02:04:18.000 Marry it.

02:04:18.900 Marry it.

02:04:19.460 Marry it.

02:04:20.040 And then like I say,

02:04:21.100 I'll swear again,

02:04:21.780 don't be a cunt.

02:04:22.560 And then you win.

02:04:23.500 Yeah.

02:04:24.120 Now I,

02:04:25.120 when you were saying that,

02:04:25.920 I got a bit anxious.

02:04:27.440 Yeah.

02:04:27.980 The Marriott?

02:04:28.740 No,

02:04:29.140 the whole like,

02:04:29.680 it's that easy.

02:04:30.740 Those three things.

02:04:31.360 Oh yeah.

02:04:31.940 I got anxious.

02:04:32.720 I was like,

02:04:33.200 Oh,

02:04:33.900 but what if there's another girl?

02:04:35.800 Oh yeah.

02:04:37.540 Who's also,

02:04:38.880 but that's going to happen.

02:04:39.860 That,

02:04:40.020 but that's going to happen always for the rest of your life.

02:04:42.820 Yes.

02:04:43.360 But then I'd be like,

02:04:44.300 you wait here.

02:04:45.320 I'll be right back.

02:04:46.200 That happens with me when I'm watching the television and like,

02:04:48.880 Oh,

02:04:49.060 she's,

02:04:50.260 Oh yeah,

02:04:51.360 this happens all of the time.

02:04:52.500 And then I go,

02:04:53.040 Oh yeah,

02:04:53.380 this happens all of the time.

02:04:54.660 Cause it's that,

02:04:55.320 that thing inside me.

02:04:58.220 And then,

02:04:58.640 you know,

02:04:59.160 it's like,

02:04:59.660 I,

02:05:00.180 I have an amazing wife.

02:05:02.940 Who's fit and great to look at.

02:05:06.380 Makes me laugh.

02:05:07.260 And I trust her.

02:05:08.620 And like,

02:05:09.320 what am I,

02:05:10.120 you know,

02:05:10.640 what am I,

02:05:11.640 what would I be swapping for?

02:05:13.080 Yeah.

02:05:13.680 What's,

02:05:14.480 what would be better about any of these other people?

02:05:17.340 But here I'll swap for the possibility.

02:05:19.120 So that's something that's you got to look at.

02:05:23.100 Yeah.

02:05:23.260 What is like,

02:05:23.880 what?

02:05:24.220 Yeah.

02:05:24.540 What would you swap for?

02:05:26.240 Sometimes you never make a list of the values and the one thing that you have.

02:05:29.540 And so there's always like,

02:05:30.740 that's what I noticed too.

02:05:31.500 If I don't ever really kind of make a list of what,

02:05:33.440 like,

02:05:33.880 Oh,

02:05:34.160 well with this,

02:05:34.660 I have like,

02:05:35.700 always have a friend.

02:05:37.020 You got like a teammate,

02:05:38.420 a fricking somebody to watch,

02:05:39.900 do things with.

02:05:40.720 Like if you never really list that out,

02:05:43.000 then you'll just always think there's this invisible idea of something over here.

02:05:46.780 That's better.

02:05:47.520 That's what I noticed.

02:05:48.240 I have this invisible idea that I've never even looked at.

02:05:50.700 Like,

02:05:50.860 well,

02:05:50.960 what is this idea?

02:05:51.980 Yeah.

02:05:52.740 You know,

02:05:53.260 it's just a fucking,

02:05:54.040 and then you get over there and it's just some fucking lady smoking outside of a building.

02:05:58.200 You know,

02:05:58.340 you're like,

02:05:58.700 who is this?

02:05:59.500 It's like an oblique Morpheus,

02:06:01.960 just blob of an idea.

02:06:04.000 It's like the sort of grayish with tinges of blackening.

02:06:07.760 You're sort of like,

02:06:08.360 I don't know what it is,

02:06:09.320 but it's better.

02:06:10.220 Yes.

02:06:10.740 That's what it is.

02:06:11.580 Yeah.

02:06:12.200 It's always going to be out there,

02:06:13.500 man.

02:06:14.640 Thank you for your time today,

02:06:15.860 guys.

02:06:16.460 Yep.

02:06:17.160 Robbie.

02:06:17.520 Mark,

02:06:18.780 it was a pleasure,

02:06:19.540 man.

02:06:20.300 Yeah.

02:06:21.060 Thank you.

02:06:21.620 Thank you for having us.

02:06:22.540 I'm just floating on the breeze and I feel I'm falling like these leaves.

02:06:28.100 I must be cornerstone.

02:06:33.320 Oh,

02:06:34.120 but when I reach that ground,

02:06:36.020 I'll share this peace of mind.

02:06:38.320 I found I can feel it in my bones,

02:06:42.300 but it's going to take a little time for me to set that parking brake

02:06:51.540 and let myself unwind.

02:06:53.320 And let myself unwind.

02:06:55.240 Shine that light on me.

02:07:00.560 I'll sit and tell you my stories.

02:07:06.160 Shine on me.

02:07:09.180 And I will find a song.

02:07:12.740 I will sing it just for you.

02:07:21.740 Ladies and gentlemen,

02:07:23.040 I'm Jonathan Kite and welcome to Kite Club,

02:07:25.720 a podcast where I'll be sharing thoughts on things like current events,

02:07:29.400 standup stories,

02:07:30.380 and seven ways to pleasure your partner.

02:07:32.560 The answer may shock you.

02:07:34.880 Sometimes I'll interview my friends.

02:07:36.920 Sometimes I won't.

02:07:38.600 And as always,

02:07:39.480 I'll be joined by the voices in my head.

02:07:41.540 You have three new voice messages.

02:07:44.560 A lot of people are talking about Kite Club.

02:07:47.440 I've been talking about Kite Club for so long,

02:07:50.120 longer than anybody else.

02:07:51.760 So great.

02:07:53.100 Hi,

02:07:53.740 sweetheart.

02:07:54.780 Here's the deal.

02:07:56.040 Anyone who doesn't listen to Kite Club is a dodgy bloody wanker.

02:08:00.020 Do you know what I mean?

02:08:00.600 I'll take a quarter pounder with cheese and a McFlurry.

02:08:05.100 Sorry,

02:08:05.460 sir,

02:08:05.580 but our ice cream machine is broken.

02:08:07.200 Oh,

02:08:07.540 no.

02:08:09.480 I think Tom Hanks just butt dialed me.

02:08:11.920 Anyway,

02:08:12.580 first rule of Kite Club is,

02:08:14.300 tell everyone about Kite Club.

02:08:16.120 Second rule of Kite Club is,

02:08:18.060 tell everyone about Kite Club.

02:08:20.340 Third rule,

02:08:21.240 like and subscribe wherever you listen to podcasts,

02:08:23.940 or watch us on YouTube,

02:08:25.440 yeah?

02:08:26.100 And yes,

02:08:26.660 don't worry,

02:08:27.140 my Brad Pitt impression will get better.

This Past Weekend with Theo Von - January 06, 2022

E374 Robbie Williams and Mark Hayes

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