This Past Weekend with Theo Von - E411 Tony Hinchcliffe

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00:01:19.220 Today's guest is visiting from Austin, Texas.

00:01:25.320 He was born in Ohio over there in Youngstown.

00:01:29.780 Youngstown.

00:01:30.420 He is the creator of the Kill Tony show.

00:01:37.200 It's one of the most unique live shows I've ever been affiliated with.

00:01:40.340 I mean, it is the dang.

00:01:41.800 It's the Cirque du Soleil of just damn bullshit.

00:01:50.380 It's amazing.

00:01:52.680 You're going to learn all about that.

00:01:53.940 You're going to learn about him.

00:01:54.640 It's his first time here on the podcast, and I'm grateful for his time.

00:01:59.860 Comedian Tony Hinchcliffe.

00:02:01.640 It's Cliff.

00:02:21.300 I'm going to stay.

00:02:23.020 Comedian Tony Hinchcliffe.

00:02:53.520 I'm sitting here with Tony Hinchcliffe, for those of you guys who aren't familiar.

00:02:57.540 Tony is a comedian and a friend of mine, and we're going to get into his life a little bit.

00:03:02.900 Thanks for coming on, man.

00:03:04.000 Of course.

00:03:04.620 Yeah, it's cool, bro.

00:03:05.400 My pleasure.

00:03:05.720 Yeah.

00:03:06.100 Yeah, where does that come from, you think?

00:03:07.500 Because you do have a very, I don't want to say, it's almost a Brit.

00:03:12.520 It's not, is it British?

00:03:13.560 What is it?

00:03:13.840 Kind of.

00:03:14.720 I'm not sure what the, I'm not sure where exactly it comes from.

00:03:18.000 But when it comes to stand-up comedy, I, my friends back when I graduated from high school

00:03:25.220 were obsessed with Dane Cook.

00:03:26.980 And I was, I walked in one day and they're dying of laughter when he's moving around.

00:03:32.080 It was the vicious circle and he's walking and swinging his arms.

00:03:36.020 And I remember thinking to myself, I want to do that, but I want to do it without any

00:03:41.320 of that movement.

00:03:42.100 I want it to be just the words.

00:03:44.360 I want to, I want to figure out a way.

00:03:46.500 And then sure enough, when I got to the comedy store and actually saw real stand-ups, like

00:03:50.800 the guys that, sometimes it was the guys that didn't even take the mic out of the mic stand

00:03:54.900 that blew my mind the most.

00:03:56.420 Wow.

00:03:56.820 Dice would just walk up to it.

00:03:58.400 That, even I don't do that.

00:04:00.520 Like, it's like no mic in the mic stand, or I mean, leave it in there.

00:04:04.800 He leaves it in there the whole time?

00:04:06.240 Yeah.

00:04:06.720 Oh, wow.

00:04:07.580 Yeah.

00:04:08.140 Yeah, because you kind of, you are that sniper, you really are a sniper of humor.

00:04:13.420 You know, it's like, where can you, it's almost like you have a nail gun.

00:04:17.780 Yeah.

00:04:18.160 And with these jokes in it, I feel like.

00:04:21.220 Where did you start out at?

00:04:22.540 Because I don't even know that, man, honestly.

00:04:24.200 Yeah, I started at the comedy store in the original room.

00:04:26.900 Yeah, I went there to sign up.

00:04:30.660 Fucking Shia LaBeouf's dad.

00:04:32.620 But as crazy as this world is, I made friends with Shia LaBeouf's dad at a Starbucks in Burbank.

00:04:39.140 And I was procrastinating starting stand-up comedy at the time.

00:04:43.420 And at the time, right then, 2007, Shia had just signed this crazy Steven Spielberg deal.

00:04:50.020 And he looked for like five pictures or something.

00:04:53.260 It was pre, we didn't even know it was going to be Transformers and all these other things.

00:04:57.480 It was like, it was still just the infancy of Shia LaBeouf.

00:05:01.220 So there was this like buzz around the coffee shop.

00:05:03.460 I was out playing poker with these Armenian guys.

00:05:06.140 And they're like, you know who that guy is over there?

00:05:08.280 That is Shia LaBeouf's dad.

00:05:10.020 And he's this wizard looking character.

00:05:12.800 Like, so I went and made friends with him.

00:05:15.260 And I told him, he goes, what's your plan?

00:05:17.200 I go, I want to be a stand-up comedian.

00:05:18.660 I think I'm going to go up to this Ha Ha or this Chuckle Hut, whatever it was, in North Hollywood at the time.

00:05:26.980 And he goes, you shouldn't do that.

00:05:28.380 You should start at the comedy store.

00:05:30.660 Let them see you start and sink or swim.

00:05:33.720 Because it's going to, you're going to, the pressure is going to get to you when you get there anyway.

00:05:38.020 When you think you're ready for there, you're not going to be ready for there too.

00:05:41.040 So you might as well not be ready for there now.

00:05:43.580 And it was like great advice.

00:05:45.320 It really was.

00:05:46.140 Wow, well I think for, maybe for, yeah, I think for some people that advice, it's like you want to get good before you go there.

00:05:52.840 Right.

00:05:53.200 But he was saying just stand, like, just in the firing line.

00:05:56.760 And it worked out, man.

00:05:57.920 I signed up for that thing.

00:05:59.100 And I watched, I got like number nine out of 15.

00:06:02.080 And I watched the first eight.

00:06:03.580 And it was the first eight people I'd ever seen do stand-up.

00:06:06.180 And they were doing three minutes.

00:06:08.220 And they're just like really bombing.

00:06:09.920 I'm like, I think I got this.

00:06:12.200 And so for people who don't know, I remember going to that too.

00:06:15.780 I would go and sign up.

00:06:17.440 So you would go, was it Monday night?

00:06:20.140 Sundays and Mondays.

00:06:21.180 You'd have to be there by six o'clock.

00:06:23.040 And you'd sign and put your name in like a bowl or something.

00:06:25.940 Yeah, you sign this one big piece of paper.

00:06:28.540 And then it goes back to the employees who are literally like, all right, that looks like a new name.

00:06:33.800 That looks like a new name.

00:06:34.840 That looks like a new name.

00:06:35.900 And then like after that, they sort of just put people that they know and like sort of earned it.

00:06:41.360 Like, oh, they've been doing good lately.

00:06:43.160 Give him number 15.

00:06:44.720 Right.

00:06:45.160 There's a little bit of mafia back there, like making some choices.

00:06:48.040 Totally.

00:06:48.640 So you had the eight people that went up and you were like, so damn.

00:06:52.480 So you always kind of have had that confidence.

00:06:54.700 I mean, you have this crazy confidence where it's like, how did this guy who's probably not the largest in stature get so much dense confidence in him?

00:07:06.500 Yep.

00:07:06.780 You know, it's like fucking plutonium or something.

00:07:09.140 I feel like isn't that a real thick metal, I think?

00:07:11.600 Yes.

00:07:11.880 Something like that.

00:07:12.720 I'm not sure.

00:07:13.720 You know, I think it's a combination of having stubborn Italian parents and being from a weird, tough, crazy neighborhood, getting into a lot of fights with bigger kids and fucking having to scrap and survive back in the day.

00:07:27.240 And, you know, so I'm just happy to be at the dance.

00:07:30.460 Yeah.

00:07:30.640 You know, when I got to the comedy store, I'm like, I'm happy to be in L.A.

00:07:33.700 I'm already winning.

00:07:34.600 So, like, no matter how this goes, it's going to be great.

00:07:37.540 Plus, I'm going to get better.

00:07:38.780 You know what I mean?

00:07:39.600 Like, this is not going to be this bad again.

00:07:41.700 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:07:42.620 So you get up and you're ninth in the line.

00:07:46.480 Yeah.

00:07:46.900 And it went well.

00:07:48.060 And I prepared for months and I blanked out.

00:07:50.840 I forgot everything as soon as I got up there.

00:07:54.040 But I literally said, you know, as hacky and as cheesy as it is looking back at it.

00:08:00.000 But I literally go, well, I've never done this before.

00:08:06.420 I prepared for months.

00:08:08.580 Every day I wrote.

00:08:10.580 And I cannot for the life of me remember one single thing that I wanted to say right now.

00:08:15.500 And those first date people were all doing jokey jokes that, like, you know, the comedians are in the back, like, ugh, you know.

00:08:23.460 But when I said that, there was this pop in the room.

00:08:26.860 People, like, looked up because it's like, wait, this guy's, like, being honest right now.

00:08:32.780 And it's the first time they had seen that, you know, 30 minutes into that show that night.

00:08:37.280 And that's all it was.

00:08:40.020 Three minutes of me basically going, I don't know, yep, yep, still can't remember.

00:08:47.280 Can't believe it.

00:08:48.660 Wasn't expecting this to happen.

00:08:50.520 Like, just nonstop.

00:08:51.720 And I'm still trying to think of one thing.

00:08:54.280 And, like, what's funny is that one went really well.

00:08:57.060 And then the ones after that for, like, months were the bad ones.

00:09:01.220 Really?

00:09:01.320 When I remembered my jokes was the bad ones, which is pretty foreshadowing, you know, for people that know my comedy style.

00:09:08.300 Because I like going off script.

00:09:10.120 And you know what I mean?

00:09:10.920 Like, I like playing and being in the moment, trusting that, you know, it's sort of like jumping out of a plane without a parachute.

00:09:17.700 Like, I like that dangerous part, you know, where it's like maybe I'll say something that I thought of on the drive to the club that night that's not finished.

00:09:27.940 And it's just a premise and you have, like, a race to finish the joke, you know what I mean?

00:09:33.080 And you're like, well, maybe I'll think about it.

00:09:34.460 Got a couple seconds left, almost to the end of the sentence.

00:09:37.540 Yeah, it's almost like dynamite.

00:09:39.140 Like, you like to light it before you even know what the ingredients in it are.

00:09:43.060 I like to flip it around in my hands a couple times before throwing it.

00:09:47.180 Catch it behind my back once and then see what happens.

00:09:50.000 So that was, what, 15 years ago?

00:09:52.540 Almost 16, yeah.

00:09:53.700 May 2007.

00:09:55.520 Yeah, fun.

00:09:56.740 How about you?

00:09:57.180 You started in?

00:09:58.500 I started at a comedy, I did a comedy class, actually, called Judy Gold Comedy Class.

00:10:05.120 Okay.

00:10:05.860 And Ben Glebe was in it.

00:10:08.360 Wow.

00:10:08.840 This man that called himself Chicken Man was in it and he would just, yeah, he would literally

00:10:13.040 get up there and just yell, Chicken Man, Chicken Man.

00:10:15.640 Whoa.

00:10:16.240 What happened to him?

00:10:18.120 I don't, I honestly, I think he got involved in a fast food business somehow.

00:10:22.360 And then, yeah, he did.

00:10:25.080 It's perfect.

00:10:25.860 Because I remember him, I saw him years later on the street and he was talking about fry,

00:10:30.080 something about fry cooking or something, like a new oil, I guess, that's helping those

00:10:34.080 people, you know, do better or whatever.

00:10:36.920 But, yeah, I remember that.

00:10:39.860 And so at the end of that class, you got to get up for three minutes.

00:10:42.840 And I was like, oh, wow.

00:10:44.600 And you got to perform at the improv.

00:10:46.220 Wow.

00:10:46.380 And you got a tape of it.

00:10:47.340 And so it was like, man, I got to, so when you leave there with a tape and you were on

00:10:50.340 stage, you feel.

00:10:51.720 Totally.

00:10:52.280 Like you're a comedian, you know.

00:10:54.160 But I didn't really get going until I think I probably went over to the comedy store and

00:11:00.140 signed up and Tommy was over there.

00:11:02.180 And, yeah, and it was just, that's really, for me, I think when you really start to feel

00:11:07.840 like, okay, I'm dropped in on this, you know.

00:11:10.960 There is something about the comedy store.

00:11:13.080 Yeah.

00:11:13.380 Or there certainly used to be, man.

00:11:15.180 It's a cool building.

00:11:16.520 Yeah.

00:11:16.700 You know, it's intimidating.

00:11:17.720 All those signatures.

00:11:18.960 So, like, immediately people are like, whose names are on this wall?

00:11:21.980 How do I get my name on the wall?

00:11:23.760 It looks cool.

00:11:24.900 Oh, there's Jim Carrey in the same font as this newer.

00:11:29.200 That's a younger guy.

00:11:30.160 I just saw him.

00:11:30.960 He just walked by.

00:11:31.980 Yeah.

00:11:32.440 It's like, how do I get my name in that?

00:11:34.580 Right?

00:11:34.900 It's, like, tricky.

00:11:35.620 It's, like, screaming from blocks away to, like, look at it and take it in.

00:11:40.600 It's powerful.

00:11:41.520 Plus, it's black and white and red.

00:11:44.620 Yeah.

00:11:45.060 It has a very dark, you can feel a little bit of the history in there.

00:11:50.260 It feels kind of sorted.

00:11:51.560 Yeah.

00:11:51.740 You know, you can feel people's energy when they walk through the hall, like, what's going

00:11:56.540 on with them, even if they don't say anything.

00:11:58.820 You can feel the nervousness of some people.

00:12:01.140 You keep running into people you're not even sure if you know them or met them before.

00:12:06.180 But, yeah, when you get up on the stage, it's just, like, you have to do it.

00:12:11.240 So, fast forward, though, now you live in Austin now.

00:12:14.700 Mm-hmm.

00:12:15.380 So, you made that move to Austin.

00:12:17.180 Yeah.

00:12:17.360 And it's interesting when we're talking about the first time on stage because one of the

00:12:22.320 things that, like, I know you've done Kill Tony for a long time.

00:12:25.740 How many shows have you guys done now?

00:12:28.000 Over, I think, over 600.

00:12:30.080 We're about to have our 10-year anniversary in June.

00:12:33.460 And for people that don't know, Kill Tony is, well, you tell them what it is.

00:12:38.800 You tell them.

00:12:39.180 Well, it's like a crazy comedy show where comedians watch newer or older comedians do

00:12:46.820 one minute.

00:12:47.580 And they sign up for the chance to get one minute uninterrupted in front of a bunch of

00:12:52.180 fans on the internet.

00:12:53.560 And then I interview them afterwards.

00:12:55.520 And my guest comedians dose in jokes and, you know, contribute.

00:13:00.600 And we find out more about the person.

00:13:02.120 So, not only if I pull their name out of a bunch of people sign up, names go in a bucket.

00:13:05.620 I pull their name out, they get a minute.

00:13:07.660 And then I interview them afterwards.

00:13:09.080 So, not only do they win, like, a minute of uninterrupted stand-up, but then all of a

00:13:12.380 sudden, they're on a podcast for, like, eight more minutes.

00:13:15.520 Yeah.

00:13:15.840 Where I interview them and grill them about their life and make jokes about their set

00:13:19.680 and their life and ask them questions and try to figure out what's different about

00:13:23.040 them.

00:13:23.320 I'm sort of, like, pulling from, like, you know, I was raised on, like, Howard Stern old

00:13:28.520 school interviews.

00:13:29.820 And, like, he would always ask the right questions at the right time.

00:13:32.820 And, like, he'd get more information than it seemed like he should have out of these

00:13:36.500 people.

00:13:37.580 And that's sort of what I'm trying to squeeze out.

00:13:40.620 So, sometimes I'll just hit them with, what's the weirdest thing in your refrigerator?

00:13:44.440 What's your biggest fear?

00:13:46.080 Or, what's your family?

00:13:47.440 You're raised by a single mom.

00:13:49.660 And, like, I've asked so many of these questions that I've built sort of a...

00:13:53.620 Palette, kind of.

00:13:54.520 Yeah.

00:13:55.080 To where I know where things are going and I can already tell them.

00:13:58.000 Hit them with that paintball, baby.

00:13:58.520 Yeah.

00:13:59.000 Yeah, exactly.

00:14:00.520 It blew my mind.

00:14:01.480 I'd done it before.

00:14:02.660 And then, so then recently, I refell in love with it.

00:14:05.440 I just, you know, I don't know if I forgot.

00:14:07.540 Whatever.

00:14:08.260 But, so I was down there in Austin.

00:14:10.100 And you guys had me on Kill Tony.

00:14:11.840 And this was probably maybe two months ago.

00:14:14.100 And I come out on stage.

00:14:15.540 And I hadn't been on stage in a while.

00:14:16.700 So, I come out there.

00:14:17.800 I'm sitting there.

00:14:19.860 And you guys.

00:14:21.160 And there's just, it is packed, man.

00:14:23.180 Yeah.

00:14:23.340 It's packed.

00:14:24.240 And there's people, like, there's, like, people behind barricades.

00:14:28.280 Like, it is, it's insane.

00:14:30.320 The people that have driven hours come in.

00:14:33.200 They put their name in.

00:14:34.580 And they want a chance to get on stage.

00:14:36.220 And then they get up there for one minute, dude.

00:14:39.340 One minute is not enough time.

00:14:42.620 That's the thing.

00:14:43.780 One minute is not enough time to do really almost anything.

00:14:49.200 Sometimes.

00:14:49.720 And sometimes it's way too long for some of these people.

00:14:55.200 Sometimes it's forever.

00:14:57.220 Dude, I was sat there.

00:14:58.220 I just, I was amazed at how much, man, my feeling.

00:15:01.460 It took me back to when I first started.

00:15:03.660 And there were moments where you, like, I remember feeling one time,

00:15:06.700 like, my face was trying to get behind my skull so that I didn't have to be

00:15:13.420 there with the, like, I mean, I literally was like, how, where is this?

00:15:17.440 What is going?

00:15:19.280 But you're right there.

00:15:20.540 And people are, it is, like, the most intense moment of so many people's

00:15:24.620 lives.

00:15:25.160 And you and my, I was sitting next to you.

00:15:28.100 And then there's Brian Redband, your co-host.

00:15:30.300 And the band is behind us.

00:15:31.740 And you're right.

00:15:32.400 I mean, you can feel the fear and the uncertainty off of a lot of these people.

00:15:36.820 You can see the beads of sweat that form on their forehead right after the set

00:15:41.260 or in the middle of the set sometimes if things aren't going well.

00:15:44.100 And if the set goes good, you see the beads form during the interview part.

00:15:47.900 You can sort of tell what they do and don't want to talk about.

00:15:51.260 You know, what do you do for a day job?

00:15:53.020 Oh, they don't mind that.

00:15:54.180 What were your parents like?

00:15:55.340 All of a sudden, it's like, you can tell because you see the sweat.

00:15:59.700 So that means that the parents are fan, like, will watch this.

00:16:05.340 They think they're going to see this.

00:16:07.400 So they're not that not close, but they're close enough.

00:16:10.300 You know what I mean?

00:16:10.960 Yeah, I didn't think about that.

00:16:12.000 Just from body language and things, I can see how they're feeling and what to push

00:16:16.540 more on and what I can get more of.

00:16:18.860 And if I make fun of them, how they laugh to that.

00:16:21.400 If it seems genuine, that means I can go even harder because I don't want to hurt

00:16:25.700 anybody's feelings.

00:16:27.000 You know what I mean?

00:16:27.880 I don't know.

00:16:28.600 Do you?

00:16:30.960 Sometimes you are, there is no, you are a paper, you are a fucking paper cut sometimes.

00:16:37.660 It's so, it's like, how does that, how do you, how does it, you are a fucking paper cut.

00:16:45.040 Yeah, I mean, you know, I just did, I just don't want to be the guy that ends up, you

00:16:52.660 know, being last.

00:16:54.380 I was a skinny little, you know, tiny little ratty white trash Italian kid, you know, one

00:17:00.800 of the only white kids in a predominantly black neighborhood that I grew up in.

00:17:05.320 And so like, you know, people are out there walking around hitting people with dog leashes

00:17:11.020 and just a whole bunch of trashy shit going on all the time.

00:17:14.680 So like, I always used words as a defense mechanism immediately.

00:17:19.640 And then the kids laugh at the one kid that just got a joke made about them.

00:17:23.720 And all of a sudden they don't want to mess with me anymore.

00:17:26.800 And, you know, all the teachers said, you know, making fun of people is never going to

00:17:30.980 get you anywhere.

00:17:31.600 And I hated my teachers growing up.

00:17:34.400 I looked at them like the ultimate bullies, you know, they were, they were, I went to

00:17:39.440 a weird, evil sort of private school, bunch of angry nuns and sisters or whatever.

00:17:45.180 Damn, really?

00:17:45.640 Black women?

00:17:46.600 Um, no.

00:17:47.320 Oh, religious women.

00:17:48.940 Yeah.

00:17:50.120 Yeah, nuns.

00:17:51.480 Like, damn, that's because, yeah, if you're going nuns and black women, dog, it's a fucking

00:17:55.400 long, it's going to be a long afternoon, baby, damn.

00:17:58.600 But I always wanted to kind of prove them wrong.

00:18:01.000 I'm like, I think I can, I think I can do things with these words.

00:18:04.920 I think you can get good at anything.

00:18:06.680 And, you know, so writing on the roast was a real pleasure at the time when those were

00:18:11.040 a big televised event.

00:18:12.820 Yeah.

00:18:13.180 You know, so that was like an honor because I'm like, it's a legit job.

00:18:16.240 All of a sudden I have health insurance from literally making fun of people.

00:18:20.820 And then all of a sudden Martha Stewart saying something that I wrote into a teleprompter for

00:18:25.980 her, Peyton Manning or whoever, all these heroes that, you know, people look up to all

00:18:33.280 of a sudden are saying dirty words that I got them to say.

00:18:36.500 Yeah, because you got the job writing for Comedy Central, right?

00:18:38.500 Yeah.

00:18:39.060 And that's when the roasts were so fire too.

00:18:41.460 Fire, man.

00:18:42.640 Fire.

00:18:43.400 And then, I don't know what happened, but they book Alec Baldwin for the last one.

00:18:47.820 They booked him too fast, man.

00:18:49.580 We should do that one now.

00:18:50.880 Let's run it back, right?

00:18:52.160 Post-shooting.

00:18:53.560 Oh, yeah.

00:18:54.240 That'd be so good, huh?

00:18:56.460 Is he going on trial?

00:18:57.640 What's the latest with that?

00:18:58.740 I'm not sure.

00:18:59.980 That's a tricky one, man.

00:19:01.580 That's a tricky one.

00:19:02.680 See, I moved to Texas, so now I have a gun and everybody has a gun.

00:19:06.800 And I'm like, everybody should have a gun.

00:19:08.460 And then I think about him and I'm like, maybe everybody should have a gun.

00:19:13.240 Dude, he's shooting out of his wiener too.

00:19:14.760 Didn't he just have like his sixth or seventh kid?

00:19:16.360 He just had another child too.

00:19:17.600 You can't stop.

00:19:18.800 This guy's out here giving life and taking away.

00:19:21.700 He's like a fucking Game of Thrones king.

00:19:27.220 He is.

00:19:27.960 Wow.

00:19:28.840 That's crazy, bro.

00:19:31.460 Yeah, but it just blew my mind about the Kill Tony show.

00:19:34.600 If people haven't seen it, you have to see this show.

00:19:36.560 Yeah.

00:19:36.700 And one of the wilder parts was one guy comes up.

00:19:39.700 He did a minute.

00:19:40.620 It was not good, right?

00:19:42.660 And he's up there.

00:19:43.500 He's like, man, I was drinking before.

00:19:45.000 I was just so nervous.

00:19:46.280 So some of these people are wasted getting up there.

00:19:48.840 Yep.

00:19:49.280 And then he goes, you were talking to him about his life.

00:19:51.700 And he goes, well, I'm a drummer.

00:19:54.020 So then part of your show is you have a band there.

00:19:57.340 Yeah.

00:19:57.500 And you've got a blind guy in it.

00:19:58.960 Yep.

00:19:59.640 And D Madness killing it.

00:20:01.600 Yeah.

00:20:02.760 So...

00:20:03.160 He has his own day in Austin.

00:20:05.180 D Madness does?

00:20:05.840 Yeah.

00:20:06.260 Oh, he's really...

00:20:06.940 February 14th is D Madness day in Austin.

00:20:09.140 He's like a famous musician.

00:20:11.000 Oh, wow.

00:20:11.380 All those guys are literally as high level of a musician as you can get.

00:20:16.860 Studio, live, they do it all.

00:20:18.980 That keyboardist is on tour right now with Gary Clark Jr.

00:20:22.420 And if you see him and Gary play, Gary is looking right at him and they're doing the thing.

00:20:29.640 It's not like some background keyboardist.

00:20:32.200 You know, they're like...

00:20:33.720 They're in the trenches.

00:20:35.140 Oh, dude.

00:20:35.720 They're doing this shit together.

00:20:37.200 Wow.

00:20:37.660 They're like a unit.

00:20:38.780 Yeah.

00:20:39.140 Everybody leaves Gary Clark Jr.'s shows going, God damn that keyboardist.

00:20:44.120 And like, you know, I'm really good friends with Gary.

00:20:46.480 He's another reason why I moved to Austin.

00:20:48.660 And he hooked me up with that guy who hooked me up with the rest of that band.

00:20:53.980 And, you know, we already had a band in LA, Jeremiah and Joel and Chris.

00:20:57.920 And they couldn't, you know, everything happened so fast during that pandemic.

00:21:02.040 And everybody's, you know, opinions and viewpoints were so different.

00:21:06.320 And Red Band and I hit the road because we had to do a live podcast.

00:21:10.940 There was no, you know, everybody else got to go to their studio and keep doing their show.

00:21:16.820 You know, and ours...

00:21:17.440 That's right.

00:21:17.480 You guys, your show is live.

00:21:18.660 Because it's in front of a live audience, we were dying the hottest death.

00:21:23.500 I mean, it was horrible.

00:21:24.340 We tried for a while to have people send in minute-long clips.

00:21:28.320 And then we would live stream the interview and everything's clunky and everybody's internet sucks.

00:21:33.240 And people are just frozen on the screen.

00:21:36.000 And it was just a nightmare.

00:21:37.440 Plus, there's no laughter.

00:21:38.740 And I feed off of that.

00:21:40.540 Like, I always say, I'm one of the worst podcast guests.

00:21:43.260 I get into these things and I, like, shut down after, like, 20, 30 minutes.

00:21:47.920 You know what I mean?

00:21:49.280 But in front of a live audience, I could go, I could riff.

00:21:52.800 Like, if we were on a stage with two microphones, we could go for hours.

00:21:56.840 I would have a blast.

00:21:58.740 So we were dying the slowest death.

00:22:01.100 And Red Band and I needed a crowd, period.

00:22:03.340 And how long did you do that for?

00:22:04.620 How long did you guys do that Zoom stuff?

00:22:06.560 Oh, man.

00:22:07.740 Jeez.

00:22:08.640 Traumatizing time in life.

00:22:09.940 I'm guessing it was, like, two or three months.

00:22:12.360 Wow.

00:22:12.660 Did it almost kill the show?

00:22:13.680 Was there ever a thought that maybe the show would stop?

00:22:16.000 No.

00:22:16.740 I mean, the pandemic.

00:22:18.640 The pandemic made it seem like maybe the show would.

00:22:20.840 There was a second there where it looked like, you know, once we were in month two, three,

00:22:24.980 four, I think we were.

00:22:27.300 All of us were a little bit like, what the hell is going on here?

00:22:30.240 Yeah.

00:22:30.640 God, we are.

00:22:31.040 Because remember, first they put all those people in ventilators and basically killed all those people.

00:22:35.480 Yeah.

00:22:36.160 Like, I hate to say that, but it was like, remember there was like, we just put 200,000 people in ventilators.

00:22:41.180 And then it was like, two days later, it's like, oh, we shouldn't have put these people in ventilators.

00:22:44.960 They had no idea what they were doing.

00:22:47.560 God, that's crazy, man.

00:22:48.760 Scary as hell.

00:22:49.980 That whole thing is so unbelievable.

00:22:51.740 Yeah.

00:22:52.320 But, um...

00:22:53.120 So Austin's like, come do it here.

00:22:55.240 Bars are open.

00:22:56.240 Yeah.

00:22:56.440 I went and did a stand-up show there.

00:22:59.520 And, uh, in November of 2020, and I hit up Ron White beforehand, because I knew he lived in Austin.

00:23:06.220 And I'm like, hey, if you want to do a guest spot on my show, I'm doing it next Friday, whatever.

00:23:11.180 And he's like, where are you staying?

00:23:13.440 And I'm like, I don't know if I got a hotel yet.

00:23:15.640 He's like, you're staying in my penthouse suite on top of the city.

00:23:19.340 I'm going to show you a good time.

00:23:21.220 Damn.

00:23:21.580 And it really started, like, immediately.

00:23:25.260 I heard he has a bed made out of cigars in his house, like he said.

00:23:27.800 God, he has got, he's got the ultimate setup.

00:23:31.460 And he has a hot tub, it's just tequila, it's just only tequila and bubbles.

00:23:36.900 He's the best.

00:23:37.960 And he really, he, like, rolled out the red carpet.

00:23:40.500 Did he?

00:23:40.860 And, oh, my God, he sold me on it immediately.

00:23:43.900 Wow.

00:23:44.140 Rogan was, like, a finishing touch.

00:23:46.260 Everybody thinks, like, oh, Rogan went to Austin, and all of his cronies went with him.

00:23:50.060 It's like, no, Austin sells itself.

00:23:52.520 Everybody that goes there, you were there, you see what it is.

00:23:55.360 It's nice.

00:23:55.860 And the things that we're doing, the live music and everything, and it's just, the food

00:24:00.760 is unbelievable.

00:24:02.160 State of the art.

00:24:02.820 Well, it was open.

00:24:03.220 Yeah, yeah.

00:24:03.860 And it was open.

00:24:04.560 And that's the most important thing.

00:24:05.240 It's the same reason.

00:24:05.580 It's like, I don't believe a lot of the shit that they're doing with this pandemic.

00:24:10.360 They're killing more people by locking people in.

00:24:13.200 Yep.

00:24:13.900 Like, especially in the recovery community, they shut down all the AA rooms.

00:24:17.280 Unbelievable.

00:24:17.800 So I had five friends that overdosed during the pandemic.

00:24:20.300 Ugh.

00:24:20.960 Unbelievable, bro.

00:24:21.660 I mean, just die, you know, like, because people need to have that connection.

00:24:25.640 Totally.

00:24:26.140 Do it at a park.

00:24:27.140 Six feet apart.

00:24:28.040 Do something.

00:24:29.220 So.

00:24:29.980 There was other ways to go about it than just locking in, and it'll be over any second

00:24:34.500 now.

00:24:34.900 One week to stop the spread, or whatever they were saying.

00:24:37.620 Like, get the, what the?

00:24:38.740 I mean, looking back, and I, immediately, any of us start to sound like a conspiracy theorist,

00:24:44.960 but wow.

00:24:46.020 We got taken.

00:24:46.660 Looking back on it, wow.

00:24:49.600 Economically, just the insanity of shutting down so much stuff and looking back at what

00:24:55.740 it actually was.

00:24:56.580 Like, if you were extremely unhealthy and probably had less than a year to live, this

00:25:01.000 was going to get you.

00:25:01.920 Yeah.

00:25:02.300 That's the reality.

00:25:03.440 It's those people that were, or, you know, they call them underlying conditions, which

00:25:07.860 basically means, like, it's a, you know, the clock is ticking.

00:25:12.000 Dang, yes.

00:25:12.560 They just definitely, they set the Lord, you know, they just kind of, they really set the

00:25:16.920 Lord's alarm a little early on them.

00:25:18.440 Oh, yeah.

00:25:19.160 Yep.

00:25:19.580 I mean, they took.

00:25:20.280 No snooze button here.

00:25:21.740 Now, the only people I know getting it are the boosted, triple vax, the people, like,

00:25:26.300 those are the only, because in Texas, obviously, there's a lot of unvaccinated people.

00:25:30.900 You know, people that are like, I'll give it some time.

00:25:33.240 Let's see what happens here.

00:25:34.380 I don't want half my face to go numb or whatever the hell, you know what I mean?

00:25:38.240 And then you can always tell he's got that booster.

00:25:40.600 They come up, everything's good.

00:25:42.680 I'm going to go away in a couple of months.

00:25:44.860 It's fine.

00:25:45.580 It's not a big deal.

00:25:46.440 You look right at me.

00:25:47.360 Why are you making, you know what I mean?

00:25:49.640 Like, but we have to play along like, oh, it's okay.

00:25:52.580 You had to do it for a show.

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00:28:53.060 Dude, I was thinking the other day, I was looking at my balls.

00:28:56.640 I think my balls have Bell's palsy.

00:28:58.580 Is that possible?

00:28:59.440 Yeah, balls palsy.

00:29:00.760 Yeah.

00:29:01.220 Ball's palsy.

00:29:02.880 I was just like, dude, everybody's nuts have Bell's palsy.

00:29:07.140 I'm with you.

00:29:07.960 I got one side holding on for life for some reason.

00:29:10.880 Bring up some Bell's palsy.

00:29:12.020 Let's get a look at it.

00:29:12.940 Yeah.

00:29:13.520 God, I haven't looked at this in a while.

00:29:16.140 You know who had Bell's palsy?

00:29:17.760 It was good old JR.

00:29:18.820 Oh, yeah.

00:29:20.460 Look at that.

00:29:22.280 Yeah, let's get some better images, man.

00:29:24.120 Oh, my goodness.

00:29:25.160 If you don't mind.

00:29:25.660 Thanks, brother.

00:29:26.460 Yeah, sorry.

00:29:27.520 It's a scary thing.

00:29:29.080 Bell falls.

00:29:29.760 He's always real, real wild, man.

00:29:31.320 Um, you know, I used to be friends with, uh, uh, Vince from ShamWow, right?

00:29:38.440 Mm-hmm.

00:29:38.980 Uh, and he had it.

00:29:41.120 Oh, wow.

00:29:41.400 And so in his commercials, he would wear that microphone to cover that part of his mouth

00:29:46.280 so you didn't notice it.

00:29:47.720 Oh, wow.

00:29:48.440 Yeah.

00:29:48.960 That's incredible.

00:29:49.980 His story's magnificent, man.

00:29:51.440 He started, he got hired to sell these rags one day on the boardwalk in, in, uh, in Venice.

00:29:56.860 Mm-hmm.

00:29:57.120 He starts selling.

00:29:57.800 He was like, oh, I'm good at selling these bitches.

00:29:59.540 And so he just, like, licensed them himself, bought some ad time on a couple different networks,

00:30:08.140 like sports networks, and they weren't, they weren't selling.

00:30:10.680 And then he bought time on Comedy Central, and for some reason, the way that it came

00:30:15.800 across, it was, like, comedic, but also, like, a product, and it just went to the moon.

00:30:22.260 Look at this.

00:30:22.840 Yeah, right here.

00:30:23.440 You gotta have some good BP right here.

00:30:25.800 Oh, man.

00:30:27.140 Some of these.

00:30:27.620 Oh, damn, baby, that smirk.

00:30:29.060 Some of these look bad, and then I see that that's the before.

00:30:32.960 I'm like, oh, man, that's the, it's rough.

00:30:37.240 Well, I like, now this lady, some lady, some people look kind of good on them.

00:30:40.940 Everybody looks like they're, like, pirate-y.

00:30:44.460 Yeah, some people got that real hiccup in their cheek.

00:30:47.220 Mm-hmm.

00:30:48.120 It's almost like they have a hiccup that just got stuck on one side of them.

00:30:52.180 Yep, that droop.

00:30:54.120 That's sweet.

00:30:54.560 That Bell Palsy.

00:30:55.000 Oh, look at that lady.

00:30:55.920 That Asian lady right there, the Lempurian, I think, in the red.

00:31:03.640 Oh, yeah.

00:31:05.620 Oh, boy.

00:31:06.600 Oh.

00:31:07.500 Yep.

00:31:08.500 She's sending signals, baby.

00:31:10.180 Mm-hmm.

00:31:10.920 Damn, that's wild, isn't it, though?

00:31:12.600 Yep.

00:31:13.060 You don't think about those nerves being in your face, man.

00:31:15.900 Yeah, that's rough.

00:31:17.780 Dice had it.

00:31:18.480 Dice had it bad.

00:31:19.320 Remember, it was, like, a news story.

00:31:20.800 No, I don't remember that.

00:31:21.620 Andrew Dice Clay had Bell's Palsy, and he was scheduled to come to Austin the next week.

00:31:25.920 And it was the only show that I had been looking forward to.

00:31:29.100 I never go see stand-up comedy shows, and I'm like, I want to see Dice at Vulcan in Austin.

00:31:34.900 Like, this seems rock and roll.

00:31:37.180 And he did not cancel.

00:31:39.080 That motherfucker went up there.

00:31:41.020 Half his face just electrocuted, just dead half face.

00:31:45.980 And he fucking used it, and he talked about it.

00:31:49.580 He did a Sammy Davis Jr. impression.

00:31:51.780 And I swear to God, this motherfucker killed so hard.

00:31:56.260 It was such a fun show to see.

00:31:58.640 Damn, yeah, it seemed like a real adventure for your face, kind of.

00:32:01.140 I've never had it, but I would like to learn more about it.

00:32:05.320 But to go back to your show, so this was an amazing part was, so the guy said, he didn't do well at the comedy.

00:32:11.640 But he said, I'm a drummer.

00:32:12.660 So you guys have this part of Kill Tony where, if somebody plays an instrument, they can challenge somebody in the band at that moment for the person's spot in the band.

00:32:24.500 Yep.

00:32:24.700 And what's wild is that it's always been a weird part of the show that I always had, and now all of a sudden we're in the live music capital of the world.

00:32:34.180 So it's even, you know, the stakes are raised even higher.

00:32:37.700 You know, some guy who thinks he can play guitar from St. Louis, or some guy that can play the drums from, you know, Dallas.

00:32:44.600 You know, it's a big deal to these musicians to be in Austin.

00:32:48.400 Like, they recognize what's going on.

00:32:50.500 Plus the pressure of the internet.

00:32:52.920 Plus they're in front of a live audience.

00:32:55.320 Plus they're going up against somebody on their own home field.

00:32:58.960 And it's never happened where the resident drummer's gotten beaten.

00:33:02.280 It hasn't.

00:33:02.880 Ever.

00:33:03.560 Because I was like, suddenly, because I love the underdog always, right?

00:33:07.060 Always.

00:33:07.400 And I didn't have any attachment to the band.

00:33:09.240 I don't know any of them.

00:33:10.180 Yeah.

00:33:10.460 So I'm like, holy shit, this dude didn't get this.

00:33:13.680 Right.

00:33:13.880 But this guy has a shot right now.

00:33:16.600 And if he wins, he's on every show from then on.

00:33:21.620 So like, you're a full-time band member if you win, which nobody ever does.

00:33:26.260 This guy tanked, bro.

00:33:27.520 This guy.

00:33:28.320 Yeah.

00:33:28.660 It's so bad.

00:33:29.980 Was that the one like he like dropped his sticks right away or something?

00:33:33.120 I don't even.

00:33:33.620 We had another one recently where the guy's like, I've been waiting my whole life for this, Tony.

00:33:37.940 And he starts.

00:33:39.220 And the first drum that he hits, the stick goes flying back.

00:33:42.580 And you see his soul leave his body.

00:33:44.460 He ended up getting it and catching up a bit.

00:33:46.700 He put a little challenge in.

00:33:49.080 And you know, the harder the first guy goes, that just means the resident drummers, they

00:33:53.560 are.

00:33:53.820 They get to see, which is the ultimate advantage.

00:33:56.340 They're going second.

00:33:57.240 It's a big deal on that one.

00:33:59.220 Dude.

00:33:59.620 And you love.

00:34:00.420 Like you just thrive.

00:34:01.360 I feel like you're like a dream.

00:34:02.460 You're whatever the opposite of a dream catcher is.

00:34:04.460 I feel like.

00:34:05.580 I'm a nightmare thrower.

00:34:07.980 Or like you just like, it's just this world, but it's such a, the whole thing, the whole

00:34:13.480 show has this.

00:34:14.200 It's, it's that moment that like, I'm going to try this.

00:34:17.880 It's going to be captured.

00:34:19.820 Can I do this?

00:34:21.000 There's all those feelings.

00:34:22.060 And it's like two and a half hours of that every episode, man.

00:34:25.600 It just, it floored me how much fun I had, how much like kind of nostalgia I had and how

00:34:31.500 much I realized.

00:34:32.160 I don't think I could do those, what they were doing.

00:34:35.160 Right.

00:34:36.040 No, I agree.

00:34:37.360 People out there, we have regulars that write and perform a new minute every single week.

00:34:42.320 William Montgomery, David Lucas, uh, you know, Hans Kim, um, Michael Lair, all these

00:34:50.160 guys that do this.

00:34:52.380 I am enamored by their courage and their strength and their work ethic.

00:34:58.220 It is an extreme challenge.

00:35:01.420 You have the whole internet.

00:35:02.500 They're like, yeah, I'm sort of sick of them now.

00:35:05.000 Uh, you know, William's been doing it for years, writing a new minute every single week

00:35:10.060 for four years.

00:35:10.920 Granted, a lot of it, he's making fun of Red Band's mom and it's insider trading a little

00:35:15.720 bit, a little bit, quite a bit.

00:35:17.980 Some Apex twin references that get a big pop from the crowd just because they know that he

00:35:22.480 references Apex twin for some reason, sometimes.

00:35:25.440 So it's like there was two guys in the front row yesterday wearing Apex twin shirts because

00:35:29.540 they knew William was going to be with me in Nashville.

00:35:32.540 What is it?

00:35:32.940 Apex twin.

00:35:33.480 I barely even know.

00:35:35.180 And I'm a huge music fan.

00:35:36.620 Oh, it's a band?

00:35:37.400 Yeah.

00:35:37.720 I think, I think it's like maybe electronic music or something.

00:35:40.800 I'm not really sure.

00:35:42.160 Might be like acid bath, man.

00:35:43.660 I remember we had this lady by us who something was wrong with her, you know, or something wasn't

00:35:48.460 right with her.

00:35:49.620 I don't know which one it was, but she would always ask if we were going to see acid bath

00:35:54.200 all the time.

00:35:54.880 That's all she said.

00:35:56.020 Huh?

00:35:56.620 She had like kind of this musical autism or whatever.

00:35:59.460 Apex twin, best known as an Irish born British musician, composer, and DJ known for his idiosyncratic

00:36:06.360 work, electric style, such as techno, ambient, and jungle.

00:36:11.980 Dude, ambient sound is so crazy, man.

00:36:14.360 People put on like white noise, you know?

00:36:16.040 And it's just people like, like tucking their kids into bed at night and fucking like, wouldn't

00:36:22.160 it be weird if it were like actual just noises white people make?

00:36:25.760 Yeah.

00:36:26.320 I always wanted to make that.

00:36:27.820 Can I speak with the manager?

00:36:31.140 It's just the most whitest shit ever.

00:36:33.940 It's just somebody putting on their work shoes in the morning.

00:36:36.160 Yeah.

00:36:36.800 I'll be there for you.

00:36:39.600 Would you be there for me too?

00:36:41.820 It's somebody putting stuff in the recycling bin.

00:36:44.000 It's just like small sounds that fucking white people do.

00:36:48.040 Can you point me to the closest Cracker Barrel, please?

00:36:53.240 But yeah, man, it's fun, dude.

00:36:55.380 And you know, the trick, the secret sauce, I think, is I try to keep it interesting for

00:37:00.460 myself.

00:37:01.240 You know what I mean?

00:37:01.800 Cause I've been there every episode of Kill Tony and the other part is Vince McMahon.

00:37:06.600 Like it's really just pro wrestling.

00:37:08.240 Cause it's like, I look at the, I always keep our guests a secret surprise.

00:37:13.240 No one ever knows who's going to be there.

00:37:15.260 And it's always either famous monster comedians or the future.

00:37:20.360 You know what I mean?

00:37:21.180 You're Brian Simpsons who like are just starting to get recognized now or, you know, three years

00:37:26.740 ago it was Shane Gillis.

00:37:28.900 Five years ago it was Tim Dillon.

00:37:30.540 And I'm literally going, same thing with you, same thing with all these guys.

00:37:34.260 Cause I, we know we're in the middle of the lineup, so we know who's coming.

00:37:38.800 You know what I mean?

00:37:39.380 And I would literally say with no hesitation, I would say, you know, your, your, your guest

00:37:44.600 tonight is the future.

00:37:46.260 You might not know him now, but he, one day he will be recognized as one of the biggest

00:37:50.320 comedians of all time.

00:37:51.240 Ladies and gentlemen, Tim Dillon, you know, and literally the crowd would be like, oh, I

00:37:55.180 was hoping they don't know yet.

00:37:56.620 You know what I mean?

00:37:57.560 Yet they didn't know.

00:37:58.540 Yeah.

00:37:58.880 I want somebody, I want damn Chris Rock or I want damn.

00:38:02.000 Exactly.

00:38:03.000 But what's funny is they really don't.

00:38:04.720 They want people like you and him and Shane and Ari and the people that are in the moment

00:38:09.880 with their own defined styles that are still, you know, there to prove themselves.

00:38:15.420 Not just some guy that's like, Hey, I think you did good.

00:38:18.440 You know, instead, like you were killing me, dude.

00:38:22.200 You're so good at that.

00:38:23.280 You're, you want to talk about snipes, dude.

00:38:25.500 You have little hand grenades in your pockets.

00:38:28.140 I don't know, man.

00:38:29.380 Sometimes you gotta, you gotta put them out there, bro.

00:38:33.440 You're like Tabascoed them in my soup.

00:38:35.740 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:38:37.820 What about, what's the difference, what's been the kind of the difference and a lot of people,

00:38:43.240 a lot of comedians moved to Austin during the pandemic.

00:38:46.660 And obviously the same, you know, people moved, a lot of people didn't really move to Tennessee

00:38:52.180 as much.

00:38:53.140 I mean, first of all, things got really weird during the pandemic.

00:38:55.940 I wanted to also be in a state where somebody could carry a wet.

00:38:58.600 It's like, you didn't know how weird things were going to get.

00:39:01.080 But people were looting, it was on the back of like a lot of the BLM stuff where people

00:39:05.320 were burning and looting.

00:39:06.560 And so it was like, I want to live in a place where at least if I don't have a grenade on

00:39:11.020 me, the guy two tables over has one, you know.

00:39:14.500 I love LA, man.

00:39:15.780 I was there.

00:39:16.420 I thought I was going, actually, I always thought I would retire to Nashville after like growing

00:39:22.260 old in LA.

00:39:23.400 It's always how I pictured it.

00:39:24.520 Even though I've toured Texas more than anywhere else, I do Dallas three or four times a year.

00:39:29.900 Yeah, it's crazy.

00:39:31.540 God, it's fun.

00:39:32.080 And Texas has a big, dirty, renegade, raw sense of humor.

00:39:35.900 So you know what I mean.

00:39:37.220 That's right down my wheelhouse.

00:39:39.560 And I love LA.

00:39:41.280 And still, you know, sometimes I go back to LA for a couple days and I'll do the main room

00:39:46.340 of the comedy store, be in the middle of the lineup for their own shows.

00:39:50.160 I'll leave in a veil and I get whatever I want, basically.

00:39:52.600 But my neighborhood was Fairfax and Third, right by the Grove, right by Pan Pacific Park.

00:39:59.340 It was unbelievable.

00:40:00.840 I would go down Fairfax after doing the comedy store, the improv, and you make two quick little

00:40:05.480 right turns.

00:40:06.300 It was like the Batcave in a very residential, commercial area.

00:40:10.820 I would like sneak off into my little end of a one-way street.

00:40:14.600 It was, I had the most amazing setup.

00:40:18.740 And then one day, my neighbor's like, you might want to be careful tomorrow.

00:40:23.720 There's supposed to be some big, like, rally, some big protest, BLM, you know, George Floyd.

00:40:30.520 It should be, it should get kind of crazy because they're starting it at this park right around

00:40:34.760 the corner.

00:40:35.300 I'm like, cool, I'm going to go to Venice Beach and hang out with my older brothers who

00:40:38.600 live out there, you know, 20, 30 minute drive from there.

00:40:42.160 So I go to the beach, we're chilling on the patio, and my brother at one point, I'll never

00:40:47.600 forget it, goes, Tony, come in here.

00:40:49.860 Isn't this your street?

00:40:52.040 And I'm like, what?

00:40:53.180 My street?

00:40:53.900 And the first thing I notice on the TV is the CNN logo.

00:40:57.140 Like, I realized that we're watching the national news, not like KTLA or whatever.

00:41:01.420 Right, not somebody's iPhone, not a video.

00:41:03.500 Exactly.

00:41:04.040 Not a sketch or something.

00:41:05.000 Right, the time is matched up, and I'm looking at a police car on fire at the bottom of my street.

00:41:11.540 Wow.

00:41:11.760 And then they cut to another police car on fire, and it's the top of my street.

00:41:16.420 So there's one at Hayworth and Third, and one at Hayworth and Beverly.

00:41:22.940 Oh yeah, that's a damn luau, bro.

00:41:24.340 A lot of pork being grilled, baby, you know?

00:41:26.400 I'm telling you.

00:41:27.320 Damn.

00:41:27.740 And it is a sight to see when you're watching the national news, and it's clicking back and

00:41:31.960 forth to both sides of, I mean, literally one block.

00:41:35.420 It is my street.

00:41:36.960 Like, it is, it's, there's only probably 40 houses there, and one of them's mine.

00:41:43.760 So.

00:41:44.480 So that spooked you?

00:41:45.560 Spooked the hell out of me.

00:41:46.640 So I go there.

00:41:47.460 I'm like, I literally remember saying, I think I have to go.

00:41:50.420 Yeah.

00:41:50.600 And so I got in my car and tried to make it there, because I'm like, at least I'm going

00:41:54.860 to defend it.

00:41:56.120 Right, at least I'm going to grab my laptop.

00:41:57.460 Right, exactly.

00:41:58.580 All the little stuff.

00:41:59.940 The watch, my dad's dad's watch, or whatever.

00:42:02.660 Yeah.

00:42:02.760 The little things.

00:42:04.240 My grandpa's earrings, dude.

00:42:05.720 If your grandpa was clogged it, or whatever.

00:42:07.520 It's always like, like, damn, what a fucking...

00:42:10.820 Gotta have papa's butt plug, you know what I mean?

00:42:14.900 Anyway, and I barely make it there.

00:42:17.020 Another thing that's stuck in my memory is, like, I was trying to get back to my place,

00:42:23.400 and there's a riot crew of doof, doof, doof, American, like, blacked out, shields, guns,

00:42:31.960 everything moving down the street.

00:42:34.680 And I'm like, oh, I have to take side streets.

00:42:36.260 They're about to block this off.

00:42:37.460 So, like, I'm hustling, scurrying like a rat to get back to my place.

00:42:42.980 And then, that's where it really sets in, because the chaos was there, the sun goes down,

00:42:47.640 and that's where, you know, a lot of people in the news never covered it like they should

00:42:53.420 have.

00:42:54.420 And, but it was the end of the Joker movie.

00:42:57.280 It was complete Gotham City.

00:42:58.900 They lit the Trader Joe's behind me on fire.

00:43:01.880 Like, the back of my building was to a Trader Joe's, like, and it's on fire.

00:43:06.680 And the fire alarms are going off, and smoke's pouring out of broken windows.

00:43:11.640 And the paper source across from that, windows are busted out.

00:43:15.900 Fire alarms are going off.

00:43:17.480 Wow.

00:43:19.140 Fires everywhere.

00:43:20.300 Graffiti everywhere.

00:43:22.140 On trees, on telephone poles, on cars on the street, on the ground, on the cement, on the sides of buildings.

00:43:30.360 Like, the whole thing exploded.

00:43:32.540 It was so much worse than people ever know, because the next morning, the whole neighborhood,

00:43:37.960 who takes great pride in living in that area, fucking went out there with rags and pressure

00:43:44.200 washers and brooms.

00:43:45.860 And I couldn't believe it.

00:43:46.760 It was actually sort of an emotional trip.

00:43:49.200 I went for a drive down 3rd, up La Cienega, down Beverly, up Fairfax, down Melrose, and

00:43:56.180 I could not believe what I was seeing.

00:43:58.360 People all out there cleaning and fixing it.

00:44:02.980 And I think there's sort of a catch to that, is people never really found out exactly what

00:44:07.820 happened there.

00:44:08.720 Right.

00:44:08.980 It was chaos.

00:44:09.860 And it wasn't that neighborhood.

00:44:11.240 It wasn't people from around there.

00:44:12.620 It was, you know, a different thing coming up from Long Beach or whatever.

00:44:16.500 But then you immediately realize, like, wow, well, this place, this can happen here.

00:44:20.840 It just happened.

00:44:21.840 Right.

00:44:22.020 So whatever just happened can happen here.

00:44:24.520 And let me tell you something.

00:44:25.580 Two years in Texas, I can say with no hesitation, it would never happen there.

00:44:29.820 It's absolutely impossible for that to happen there.

00:44:33.140 I was always, maybe people shouldn't have, you know what I mean?

00:44:35.780 I didn't know where, I didn't really have a stance on guns.

00:44:38.060 I was too busy only caring about comedy.

00:44:41.060 Didn't really, you know, that's another thing about Texas is like, I'm alive now.

00:44:45.000 I'm doing things.

00:44:46.080 I'm golfing and then going to the range and then doing a spot and then, you know,

00:44:51.300 having a nice steak.

00:44:52.660 Yeah, exactly.

00:44:53.680 I mean, that was one nice thing that I thought it just like, I got, I have to be somewhere

00:44:57.060 where I can, where things are open.

00:44:59.220 Yeah.

00:44:59.360 I can't just.

00:45:00.240 Totally.

00:45:01.200 Go along with this thing that like, it just felt insane to me.

00:45:05.740 And, and of course, that's just my natural instincts.

00:45:08.020 Other people's are different.

00:45:09.000 I respect that.

00:45:09.760 But totally.

00:45:10.480 So I wanted to be in a place that was open.

00:45:12.280 Um, yeah.

00:45:13.340 What do you feel like the comedy scene is different?

00:45:15.200 Like in Austin compared to LA?

00:45:18.280 Like, Oh, will it, do you think Austin can actually, I don't know if anything can compete

00:45:22.660 with some of these bigger markets, you know, just because of the volume of people.

00:45:27.080 I hear you.

00:45:27.920 I think that, um, I think the difference is the industry isn't in Austin, like, you know,

00:45:35.700 Netflix headquarters and these, a lot of people, I think we've lived through an age of, uh, standup

00:45:42.600 comedy to where we've watched the complete evolution.

00:45:45.160 We watched it go from, okay, well, you gotta have clean three minutes for the tonight show

00:45:49.820 or, you know, a decently clean 22 minutes for a comedy central half hour to, you know, okay,

00:45:58.020 you could be a little bit edgier on Netflix and do an hour.

00:46:01.600 And then it's like, kind of like, Oh, Netflix is sort of cutting down on edginess.

00:46:06.620 Like, unless you're really established, they're going to give you notes.

00:46:09.820 And, and I think that, uh, it's wild West comedy happening in Austin, which is, you know,

00:46:16.840 obviously what people want, you know, people go to a strip club.

00:46:20.020 You don't want to see, you know, a girl in a bikini.

00:46:22.900 No, you want to see fucking, I want to hear the N word.

00:46:25.800 You're damn right.

00:46:26.460 Yeah.

00:46:26.700 See some buttholes.

00:46:27.880 Yeah.

00:46:28.020 I want to see misplaced ingrown hairs and things like that.

00:46:31.880 I want to see it all.

00:46:33.140 I want to see a girl bringing a, you know, a candle to the table, but just, you know,

00:46:37.180 walking on her hands, you know, I want to see somebody.

00:46:39.460 Hell yeah.

00:46:40.260 I want to see.

00:46:40.860 Yeah.

00:46:41.280 Yeah.

00:46:41.440 I think what, one thing I noticed in Austin was that they stay, you guys locked the phones up

00:46:45.560 over there, you know?

00:46:46.840 Yep.

00:46:47.260 Phones are locked up and that's to, you know, our shows are still recorded.

00:46:51.840 We have, you know, cameras rolling on everything.

00:46:54.300 Cause one thing that we've learned is that it's good to have your own footage so that

00:46:58.600 it can't be taken out of context.

00:47:00.840 Right.

00:47:01.060 I've always thought that when someone goes for an interview on any type of net or anything,

00:47:05.880 they should also, if it's a, if it's a ground where they don't trust, maybe that they will

00:47:11.960 be portrayed accurately, they should have someone record at the same time for them.

00:47:18.920 That's what we're doing.

00:47:19.800 So that way it's like, there'll be no real misconceptions here.

00:47:23.620 A hundred percent.

00:47:24.900 Cause it can happen, you know, it can happen to anyone at any point, you know, even in

00:47:29.980 that crazy video that happened with me that made me look like a horrible, horrible human

00:47:34.220 being.

00:47:34.860 Oh yeah.

00:47:35.320 With the Asian stuff.

00:47:36.100 Was that Hans Kim?

00:47:37.620 Was that the, it was a different guy, but 25 seconds after that, his edited version of

00:47:43.520 the video, I had my own video recording of the entire thing in which, you know, 25 seconds

00:47:50.560 after his ends, I ended up going, come on lady, relax.

00:47:53.680 You're looking at me like I'm serious over here.

00:47:55.740 Bah, bah, bah, bah, bah, you know, joke about that.

00:47:57.700 Joke about that.

00:47:58.500 I'm into jokes.

00:47:59.360 Like there was no like scene.

00:48:01.320 It wasn't the chaotic breakdown that it looks like on the, you know, 22nd clip that the

00:48:08.260 person released.

00:48:09.480 It's, you know, it was a, it was a random casual Thursday comedy show.

00:48:14.060 I actually yelled at Bobby Lee when I saw him a couple months ago in LA.

00:48:17.700 I go, that was all your fault.

00:48:18.720 By the way, you let me call you those words for fucking over a decade without telling me

00:48:22.920 there was something wrong.

00:48:23.840 Well, that's one of the issues people look at.

00:48:25.380 There's always that bait Asian.

00:48:26.800 Yeah.

00:48:27.120 And they will, they let you say all kinds of things or this or that, or joke around

00:48:31.700 with them.

00:48:32.100 Yep.

00:48:32.440 But they don't email the crew, the buddy and say, Hey man, this guy's with, you know,

00:48:36.840 he's, you know, he gets it or whatever.

00:48:38.700 Right.

00:48:39.000 And Bobby, yeah.

00:48:39.920 Bobby goes, Oh yeah.

00:48:41.800 I felt really bad when that happened to you.

00:48:45.000 Uh, and I go, well, thanks for showing your support online.

00:48:47.920 I'm glad that you saved it so that you could tell me face to face a year later.

00:48:52.260 You think Bobby would have ability to email, especially since he's doing all that browser hunting

00:48:56.740 all right up around Brendan's shop.

00:48:58.400 Okay.

00:48:59.540 Since he's stalking Brendan on his own, whatever that whole debacle was, that's one of the

00:49:05.880 fun.

00:49:06.080 It's almost like a sketch show.

00:49:08.040 You know, when you go watch that, it's like they had like screen grab, like Brendan doesn't

00:49:12.660 own a computer, which is the funniest part of all of it.

00:49:14.960 Right.

00:49:15.420 Yeah.

00:49:15.600 Like he's like, dude, he's getting this research that he has like screen grabs on his phone.

00:49:21.020 Uh, the whole thing was just so ridiculous.

00:49:23.380 It's wild.

00:49:24.260 Um, I couldn't get enough of it.

00:49:26.060 That was like my, that was my, that was my like thing.

00:49:29.740 I switched from like police interrogation videos to like following the shop and Bobby

00:49:34.320 Lee thing for a while.

00:49:36.100 That's my YouTube algorithms just filled with Bobby Lee, Brendan shop, Kalilah, like weird.

00:49:42.440 Cause I can't, there's some, sometimes I'm on one thing and then sometimes I'm like, maybe

00:49:47.160 they did do that.

00:49:48.580 Like it like switches quickly.

00:49:50.320 It's like, if you're talking to, you know, your gun toting friend and then all of a sudden

00:49:56.220 you're with your liberal, well, if there were no guns and this and I'm like, sometimes you

00:49:59.600 can see both sides of the argument.

00:50:01.220 I'm like, well, I mean, Brendan, you know, you, some, you know, hate happens to people.

00:50:06.240 People are jealous.

00:50:07.000 You know, you're a fighter turned comedian.

00:50:09.340 And then all of a sudden I saw one clip where Kalilah is like, yeah, I'm a lot better at

00:50:13.420 the internet than people think.

00:50:14.660 And I'll destroy someone.

00:50:15.860 It's like from an episode years earlier.

00:50:18.000 And like, I'm like, Whoa, this is all wild.

00:50:21.220 Cause people have made some serious breakdown videos of that stuff.

00:50:25.100 Oh, it's well, I'm amazed at how, like the, uh, what, uh, there's such a world now with

00:50:30.080 podcasting.

00:50:30.620 There's also like this soap opera undercurrent of all of it, you know, I don't play it.

00:50:35.520 You would think kill Tony would be a big poker and like, I get it.

00:50:39.760 People like drama, but I don't want, I've always looked at it.

00:50:43.360 Like if you play that game, those are the types of fans you're going to get.

00:50:47.000 You want to, you want to be drama.

00:50:48.720 You want to do gossip.

00:50:49.960 You want to do this.

00:50:50.800 You're going to end up, then you're not even in the comedy world anymore.

00:50:54.420 All of a sudden you're in the drama world.

00:50:56.440 You know what I mean?

00:50:57.000 And I look at some of the people with successful YouTube shows and podcasts that aren't standup

00:51:02.880 comedians.

00:51:03.520 And I see them doing that.

00:51:05.360 Yeah.

00:51:05.480 Like Ethan Klein show does that a lot.

00:51:07.200 Yeah.

00:51:07.580 I noticed they get a lot more like, but it's, he's, he does a great show.

00:51:12.600 Yeah.

00:51:12.900 And Ethan's a, you know, we've had some great conversations, man.

00:51:15.860 He's an extremely deep guy.

00:51:17.780 Um, but yeah, I think that's just their world.

00:51:20.420 I guess it's also, what is your world?

00:51:22.760 Right.

00:51:22.980 You know?

00:51:23.360 And what do you like?

00:51:24.540 Like some people, they like that.

00:51:26.620 Right.

00:51:27.080 It's like, I guess I don't know if I care about it that much, you know?

00:51:30.940 Um, but it's definitely, it's, it's crazy how there's just such a microcosm of like,

00:51:37.460 there's like a couple hundred channels that put out clips that I'll see that are of me

00:51:42.800 from different shows and stuff.

00:51:44.100 And I'm like, there's a whole little ecosystem out here going on of channels and stuff.

00:51:48.600 And it's like, you want to fight or whatever.

00:51:50.000 You're just like, what are you going to, you know, it's like, there's, there's just so

00:51:53.880 much podcasting.

00:51:55.160 It's, it's really its own, it's its own.

00:51:58.240 I mean, it's a huge world now.

00:51:59.880 Yeah.

00:52:00.200 With layers and like, there's like people making like, like reviewing pot, like reviewing clips

00:52:08.000 and things that have happened.

00:52:09.020 It's, it's gotten pretty deep, man.

00:52:11.260 Oh yeah.

00:52:11.660 There's people reviewing those people's review shows and stealing their ideas and doing rip

00:52:16.900 offs of their shows.

00:52:18.200 And like, you know what I mean?

00:52:19.300 Like, it's like they're reviewing the review.

00:52:21.460 Yeah.

00:52:21.740 There's like a sports center for podcasts almost now where they're like looking at highlights

00:52:25.880 and replaying things.

00:52:27.180 And like, it's interesting now.

00:52:29.200 It's definitely fascinating to be a part of the little universe.

00:52:32.580 Um, but what do you see that's different about that Austin scene?

00:52:35.980 What do you think, like with Joe's club being built, what do you think, what do you think

00:52:42.320 it can get to that place where it is like the third biggest city for comedy?

00:52:47.620 I think it'll be number one.

00:52:49.420 I really, really, truly believe that.

00:52:51.380 Cause I think that, um, I mean, I already see it.

00:52:54.920 I see the amount of tickets that we sell casually.

00:52:58.900 Like, like it's nothing like people are just dying for it and waiting for it.

00:53:03.460 And people are flying into Austin now when they used to fly into LA and New York to have

00:53:10.040 a comedy weekend.

00:53:11.100 You know, if they wanted to see, you know, three nights of shows, that's where they would

00:53:17.000 go.

00:53:17.380 But now words out, syringes are on the street, port-a-potties on the crosswalks in LA.

00:53:23.020 You know about that?

00:53:23.940 They just started putting port-a-potties at the big crosswalks.

00:53:27.280 Yeah.

00:53:27.860 So like you want to cross Hollywood and Vine?

00:53:30.020 There's a port-a-potty there right next to the button to cross the street.

00:53:33.860 And it ain't clean.

00:53:35.600 Spoiler alert.

00:53:36.560 It's not like a brand new, it's not like one of those like on the set port-a-potties.

00:53:41.080 We slept in one during Mardi Gras one time, dude.

00:53:43.000 We stayed in there for a couple hours.

00:53:44.600 Damn.

00:53:45.400 We'd hide on drugs and it was late.

00:53:48.280 We were probably 4 a.m.

00:53:49.580 And you had, you got to get some cover.

00:53:51.120 You got to get a little bit of shelter at those hours, especially in New Orleans.

00:53:53.860 You know, it's got that real, a lot of human vampires, dude.

00:53:57.180 A lot of dudes are fucking trying to just sink their teeth into your dick out there at night,

00:54:01.460 you know, out of around a French Quarter.

00:54:03.100 Sounds like my kind of party.

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00:57:37.440 But listen, I think that, here's my other theory.

00:57:40.540 But is there enough comedians?

00:57:41.880 Will there be enough?

00:57:42.860 That's my question.

00:57:43.600 Because you've had guys like Tim Dillon that have gone there and left.

00:57:46.400 Yeah.

00:57:46.540 Baheem Anwar that has gone there and left.

00:57:47.900 Tim's there.

00:57:48.440 He's just waiting for Joe's Club to be full-time.

00:57:52.320 Tim has more property in Austin than anybody.

00:57:54.600 He talks a lot of shit, but he's like buying it up.

00:57:57.000 Really?

00:57:57.420 Oh, yeah, dude.

00:57:58.200 He gets it.

00:57:59.480 Tim's out here killing it.

00:58:01.140 And Segura and Christina and me and Joe and Ron White and a whole bunch of the youth,

00:58:07.620 the future.

00:58:08.240 Danny Brown.

00:58:09.080 You know Danny Brown?

00:58:09.620 Danny Brown, yeah.

00:58:10.320 Yeah, no doubt.

00:58:11.340 I'm very close with Danny.

00:58:12.700 He's my homie.

00:58:13.660 Oh, my God.

00:58:14.380 I just ate mushrooms with him a couple weeks ago.

00:58:16.540 Really?

00:58:16.980 Oh, God.

00:58:17.780 Oh, so much fun.

00:58:18.940 He ate like a baseball gloves worth of mushrooms.

00:58:22.160 Wow.

00:58:22.900 And I was tripping my balls off, but I didn't eat as much as him.

00:58:26.600 And he just was so fun.

00:58:29.140 He's popping out of corners, being all silly and like funny and stuff.

00:58:32.880 Times have changed.

00:58:33.680 Like a lot of brothers wouldn't do mushrooms back in the day.

00:58:36.340 You wouldn't see a brother on psychedelics, you know?

00:58:38.800 It just wasn't, I don't know.

00:58:41.860 I think maybe black people had too much fear and maybe even inside of them and their own

00:58:45.620 history, but you don't want to add any, you don't want to, you know, season up the cauldron

00:58:50.260 in any, you know?

00:58:51.660 But now, yeah, you got a lot more, you know, kind of mustache brothers out there who will

00:58:57.040 do some drugs, you know, psychedelics.

00:58:59.600 Oh, yeah.

00:59:00.260 It's fun.

00:59:01.080 It's cool.

00:59:01.700 It's cool to see a brother out there tripping.

00:59:03.340 Mm-hmm.

00:59:03.720 You know, you're like, hell yeah, dude.

00:59:04.980 Oh, yeah.

00:59:05.320 We're getting equal.

00:59:06.580 Yeah, we're doing it.

00:59:07.800 We're all part of the same universe.

00:59:09.540 Yeah, we're all part of the same thing.

00:59:11.080 But people are coming to visit.

00:59:12.360 Those New Yorkers are real joke gunslingers.

00:59:16.020 We just had a tell on the show on Monday.

00:59:18.000 He just did a whole weekend in Austin and he's looking at it with a twinkle in his eye like,

00:59:22.120 wait, what are you guys doing here?

00:59:23.500 This does, you guys do this every Monday and then you do, okay.

00:59:27.220 Like, to any comedian, you know, comedy store style, you know, or comedy seller style, they

00:59:35.720 come to Austin and they're looking at it with like, okay, so maybe I'll spend like a week

00:59:41.960 out of every month here.

00:59:42.940 You know, we get Ari, Shane, and Norman there for four days a month.

00:59:47.840 And Rogan's bringing good comics down to be on his show.

00:59:50.420 Yep.

00:59:51.040 I mean, that's what made me think about it.

00:59:52.480 It was like, I would like to go for a month and just have an experience of it.

00:59:55.320 What does it really feel like to be there, go out, get you a sandwich, get you a coffee,

01:00:00.940 get you a, you know, you know, find a wife or something or see it and, you know, and do

01:00:05.100 comedy at night while you're trying to do that, you know, and, and have a, you know,

01:00:08.680 like a lifestyle of it.

01:00:10.620 I can't believe how much I love it.

01:00:13.440 Wow.

01:00:13.780 You know, spending the whole 15 first years of my career in LA, I never would have guessed

01:00:19.180 that another option would work.

01:00:22.100 I'm amazed at that too, living here.

01:00:23.700 Yeah, exactly.

01:00:24.700 You know?

01:00:25.100 And like, all of a sudden you're comfortable and you're a little bit better rested and you

01:00:29.680 have maybe a new hobby or something, something to, you know, cause I think in LA it's, or

01:00:35.160 New York, perhaps it's easy to just be like, Oh, I got to work.

01:00:38.440 I got to work.

01:00:38.920 It's only about the next joke.

01:00:40.200 You know what I mean?

01:00:40.640 I gotta, I gotta, but then you're not living, you're not experiencing things.

01:00:44.460 You're not taking note.

01:00:45.680 You're not having great conversations where you say something that you realize might be good

01:00:50.380 on stage.

01:00:51.140 Like living is a huge part of what we do.

01:00:55.140 Right.

01:00:55.720 I agree.

01:00:56.420 And I think one of the things that's happened to Hollywood over the years is it used to

01:01:00.960 be that people went, people had these like wild, like people went there with their energy

01:01:06.340 and, and like made their dreams happen, wrote scripts.

01:01:09.860 And, but now it's been so much like the children of children and nepotism and, you know, third

01:01:17.120 generation screen, right?

01:01:18.720 That it's like the people writing the things and creating the things they're not, they don't

01:01:24.840 have as much life experience anymore.

01:01:26.760 There, maybe their grandfather did, maybe their mother did, but they're still kind of riding

01:01:32.080 off of those old stories and energies.

01:01:34.040 So they're not as tuned into some of the reality of, uh, of just like, um, of creativity really.

01:01:42.660 You know, another thing that I think is that it's much easier for people to be jealous and

01:01:48.120 competitive.

01:01:48.960 There's a lot of billboards there.

01:01:50.580 I noticed that my last trip there, I'm like, wow, I just always didn't notice.

01:01:57.700 Like, I mean, the billboards were just part of like the skyline.

01:02:01.400 It was just a tree.

01:02:02.440 It's like blends in with LA.

01:02:05.300 And as I'm looking up there, I'm realizing, oh my God, that show looks like crap.

01:02:09.680 That show looks like crap.

01:02:11.240 That movie has, it looks, it tells its whole script right there in the billboard.

01:02:16.740 Like, and I'm judging these billboards and I realized like this whole place does that

01:02:22.040 to people.

01:02:22.800 Like all of a sudden I'm daydreaming about why does that idiot have a show?

01:02:27.460 That's not going to work.

01:02:28.540 Wow.

01:02:28.820 Comedy Central's dead as hell.

01:02:31.340 You know, you're looking at the billboard itself.

01:02:33.000 Yeah.

01:02:33.520 And I'm looking at these billboards and I realized I'm thinking about this.

01:02:37.440 They have me thinking about these things, which in Austin, you can't, there is no like,

01:02:43.260 oh, oh, I wish I had that, or this person would be better for that, or this is where

01:02:48.520 that should be.

01:02:49.580 Like, right.

01:02:50.140 So it takes a lot of that business and the jealousy and the like, oh, look at the, it

01:02:55.040 takes a lot of that glitz out of it and stuff like that.

01:02:57.700 And also it's like these people, you know, in LA and New York, it's the last stand because

01:03:02.360 we've learned now that the podcast is the way you can have your own show and build your

01:03:07.080 own fans with people that are into what you're into and like the sound of your voice and want

01:03:11.840 to hear it.

01:03:12.480 So that old model of like, all right, let's throw this to the people and see who likes

01:03:17.300 it.

01:03:17.580 Like it's an old school model and it takes away from the ability to build something.

01:03:23.640 And now people are like, well, if I didn't start a podcast now, I can't start now.

01:03:27.400 I'm in too deep now.

01:03:28.480 But it's like, who knows?

01:03:29.920 It's like Bitcoin or NFTs or whatever.

01:03:32.040 Like who knows what the, anything is.

01:03:34.400 Yeah.

01:03:35.360 Well, there are things that are great about LA too, though.

01:03:38.140 It's like the weather is absolutely unbeatable.

01:03:40.360 Ridiculous.

01:03:40.480 You can't beat it and there's no, there's not even any question about it.

01:03:43.920 I don't know if there's anywhere in the world you can beat the weather there.

01:03:46.600 Yeah.

01:03:46.960 There's barely any bugs.

01:03:48.300 There's no allergies in the air.

01:03:50.420 No poisonous animals.

01:03:51.860 Yeah.

01:03:52.080 Jesus, man.

01:03:52.860 Yeah.

01:03:53.060 A third of my childhood was filled with fucking poisonous animals, dangerous animals, street

01:03:57.580 animals, fucking nighttime animals, fucking just fucking mean owls, everything, man.

01:04:03.560 It was all just harrowing, dude.

01:04:05.260 I remember one time my brother and I are asleep in our bedroom, right?

01:04:08.920 A fucking owl, like a nighttime owl or whatever, shattered right through the fucking window

01:04:14.500 in our bedroom, dude.

01:04:15.400 Oh my God.

01:04:16.040 Dude, scared me so bad, bro.

01:04:18.380 We had no idea what it was.

01:04:19.760 We didn't know if it was like a burglar or what, you know?

01:04:21.680 That means someone in your family is going to die soon if an owl flies through your window.

01:04:26.140 Oh yeah.

01:04:26.640 Everybody died.

01:04:29.080 So yeah, I wish I'd have known that at the time though.

01:04:32.180 But there are things that are great about it.

01:04:33.880 The access to people that are there is also nice.

01:04:37.400 Like, you know, I have friends like my friend, James Blake lives there.

01:04:40.900 He's a musician and he's like, I would have never got to meet him if I didn't live in LA.

01:04:45.540 And it is kind of name dropping, but he's also like one of the most unique people that I get to talk to.

01:04:50.440 Like all of us would have never met each other if it hadn't been for LA.

01:04:54.940 Oh yeah, I'm grateful for it.

01:04:56.440 Just like I'm grateful for Youngstown.

01:04:58.160 I think that, you know, being from a place and living and having the experiences of being in, you know,

01:05:04.400 a diabolical place gets you to appreciate everything that happens after that, right?

01:05:09.240 Like you wouldn't be quite as at peace here in Nashville if you didn't know that it takes an hour and a half sometimes

01:05:17.300 to drive from one gig to another in LA or from the airport to your house in LA.

01:05:23.020 Those little things.

01:05:24.600 Like here you get out at the airport, you're here in 10, 15 minutes, right?

01:05:28.180 Yeah.

01:05:28.340 Same thing with me.

01:05:29.480 In fact, I try to set new records each time.

01:05:32.160 The airport's like a place that now I have like great pride in trying to get home in like seven minutes or eight minutes.

01:05:38.620 It's crazy.

01:05:41.200 Yeah, I guess there's, yeah, there's definitely a lot of things.

01:05:43.640 And it's also like this is part of the journey.

01:05:45.520 It's like, you know, communication like is more free on podcasts.

01:05:52.360 And so it would make sense that maybe they expand out to different areas over time.

01:05:56.000 It's been really interesting to be in a different place and have access to different guests and like unique people that normally may not be able to get on a certain platforms

01:06:06.320 or weren't even able to get on like kind of podcasts and stuff.

01:06:10.540 So that's been really interesting and kind of seeing like, well, what's, who's the next person that I'm going to get to meet?

01:06:16.540 That would be like really, really, really awesome to have come on from here.

01:06:19.500 Like we got Mike Rowe is going to come on, right?

01:06:21.340 So I'm really excited about that.

01:06:22.640 Like, I don't know if I would be able to have him on if I weren't in this area.

01:06:26.220 So, yeah, there's different things about it.

01:06:28.600 And I can go back to L.A. whenever.

01:06:30.000 It's always there.

01:06:30.900 It's still like you go back, the comedy store, the improv, places that I love, the laugh actors become.

01:06:37.860 It's still great.

01:06:39.460 It's gotten better, actually.

01:06:41.180 Just busier over there.

01:06:42.160 So the stages are still there.

01:06:43.460 And it's fun.

01:06:45.680 And, yeah, man, when I go back to the store, it is a party.

01:06:49.480 Those are my people.

01:06:50.880 You know, those people that have worked there forever, you know, we're so close.

01:06:56.340 And we have so much fun.

01:06:58.380 And it's like a reunion.

01:06:59.400 It's like a different vibe.

01:07:00.460 Instead of being there all the time, it's like, you know, it's like going home and visiting a family in a hometown.

01:07:10.600 Yeah.

01:07:11.820 Yeah, it's interesting.

01:07:12.760 And we also have to be supportive of the places we are.

01:07:16.660 It's like you have to do that.

01:07:18.180 Like you have to kind of champion where you are to an extent in order to be able to survive there and have like a nice perspective every day.

01:07:28.120 What's some news that's going on?

01:07:29.540 What do we got, Daddy-O?

01:07:32.500 Here we got Tesla reveals new AI robot Optimus.

01:07:35.560 Do you see this?

01:07:36.680 No.

01:07:37.860 This is wild.

01:07:39.420 It will cost under $20,000.

01:07:40.840 Oh, my goodness.

01:07:43.080 What can it do?

01:07:44.700 That's what I'm wondering.

01:07:45.800 Look at it.

01:07:52.820 I mean.

01:07:53.740 Okay, it can walk.

01:07:55.160 Yeah, kind of.

01:07:57.040 Dude, I don't even know.

01:07:57.660 I feel like this thing couldn't even work at a, I don't think this thing would make the band at Chuck E. Cheese, honestly.

01:08:02.760 Yeah.

01:08:03.660 It's quite the awkward strut.

01:08:06.640 Like if that was a human that walked like that, you would not trust it.

01:08:10.320 Oh, is that waving?

01:08:11.720 Oh, get out of here.

01:08:12.320 Oh, it looks like Biden.

01:08:13.760 Oh, yeah.

01:08:14.520 It does.

01:08:14.860 Just fucking waving at nothing.

01:08:23.340 Dude, for me, this, the thing about Tesla is I put in them to get that truck two years ago.

01:08:29.300 Yep.

01:08:29.680 And it's like I keep extending my current lease because I'm waiting for that truck.

01:08:32.960 Yep.

01:08:33.400 And I don't know.

01:08:34.820 I don't care about this shit.

01:08:36.460 Can I tell you something?

01:08:37.540 Yeah.

01:08:37.840 Have you touched one yet?

01:08:38.980 Have you like been in one?

01:08:40.020 Uh-uh.

01:08:40.780 I have.

01:08:42.640 Is it worth it?

01:08:43.420 And it is the coolest thing I've ever seen.

01:08:45.780 And I'm not a big Tesla guy at all.

01:08:47.800 I like gas-powered, you know, American-made sports cars.

01:08:52.200 Oh, I want to burn to death if I get in a wreck.

01:08:54.100 Yeah, exactly.

01:08:55.720 And, but this one, and I saw pictures of it, just pictures and video online before, and I'm like, that doesn't even look that cool, seem that cool.

01:09:04.240 In person, man, that thing is the most undeniable, baddest.

01:09:08.020 It goes from, you know, a low rider to all the way to a monster truck.

01:09:12.540 Like, you can raise it.

01:09:13.720 Damn.

01:09:14.280 And the technology is absolutely insane.

01:09:16.300 You know, Elon Musk is in Austin, Texas.

01:09:18.880 Yeah.

01:09:19.020 Another buddy old pal.

01:09:20.700 And you were able to get in there?

01:09:23.020 Yeah.

01:09:23.840 Yeah.

01:09:24.220 You got in the Tesla truck?

01:09:25.360 Oh, yeah.

01:09:25.900 And where'd you sit in the front or back?

01:09:27.360 The front.

01:09:28.120 Wow.

01:09:28.680 Yeah.

01:09:29.160 And it's all beautiful.

01:09:31.100 It's the most different.

01:09:32.300 I've never seen anything where a picture, a video online is so much different than seeing

01:09:37.640 the actual thing.

01:09:38.940 I've never seen a bigger, like, just difference in how unbelievable it is in person.

01:09:47.220 Did it feel like?

01:09:48.380 It's kind of like a comedian that's really, really great live, but doesn't translate to

01:09:52.580 TV or clips.

01:09:53.620 You know what I mean?

01:09:54.400 There's a few of those.

01:09:55.380 That's how it is.

01:09:56.320 It's like powerful live.

01:09:59.260 It seems like nothing else.

01:10:00.740 It seems like a spaceship.

01:10:02.560 It's almost like a DeLorean, but new, brand new.

01:10:06.700 But does it feel like kind of like a bitch truck or does it feel kind of fucking tough

01:10:10.440 or does it feel?

01:10:11.580 Tough.

01:10:12.100 Tough as shit.

01:10:12.940 It does?

01:10:13.380 Does it feel?

01:10:13.640 Army tough.

01:10:14.400 Really?

01:10:14.640 Like a Hummer meets a, you know, like a Ram, but electric.

01:10:19.940 It doesn't even seem electric by its appearance.

01:10:23.560 Huh.

01:10:24.060 If that makes sense.

01:10:25.000 Yeah.

01:10:25.780 Dang.

01:10:26.100 It's amazing.

01:10:26.740 Amazing stuff.

01:10:27.880 I want that.

01:10:28.600 Yeah.

01:10:28.820 And that's the one you got in right like that.

01:10:30.740 Yep.

01:10:31.420 Wow.

01:10:31.980 And it is so cool and so fast and so crazy.

01:10:36.640 Yes.

01:10:36.900 You just want to touch it.

01:10:38.280 I'm so ready for that.

01:10:39.440 Yeah.

01:10:39.860 God, I want to make love in the back of that.

01:10:41.860 Mm-hmm.

01:10:42.560 A lot of space.

01:10:43.700 Unbelievable.

01:10:45.440 Oh, wow.

01:10:46.340 Antonio Brown.

01:10:48.180 Exposes himself to stunned guests in Hotel Pool.

01:10:53.540 His butt.

01:10:53.840 Oh, he showed his butt to that.

01:10:55.020 Whoa.

01:10:56.020 Oh, that's not.

01:10:57.380 Why is he naked in this pool?

01:10:59.620 Yeah.

01:11:00.740 This might be another country.

01:11:04.320 You know, his hog's probably so big that he's having sex with that girl the whole time.

01:11:09.840 And we don't even see it.

01:11:11.100 Even from this far.

01:11:11.960 Look at her.

01:11:12.300 She's bouncing up and down on it.

01:11:13.980 See that?

01:11:15.020 Dude, if you had a crazy long wiener, you would have to.

01:11:18.620 You got to show it to somebody.

01:11:22.160 No doubt.

01:11:23.040 Do fun things with it.

01:11:24.220 Measure for first downs on the football field.

01:11:26.400 All of it.

01:11:27.020 You know what I mean?

01:11:27.580 There's a lot of fun things.

01:11:28.880 I mean, my buddy.

01:11:31.180 Get like a one foot marker on it.

01:11:32.860 Like tattooed.

01:11:33.780 Yeah, definitely.

01:11:35.640 Get like somebody's trying to like measure something.

01:11:37.680 You hit them with that.

01:11:38.900 Next thing you know, y'all are making love, you know?

01:11:40.860 Yep.

01:11:41.580 God.

01:11:42.200 Pull it through the sleeve and pull this arm like behind you and just sort of like wave

01:11:46.820 to people with your penis.

01:11:47.900 I'm just thinking here.

01:11:50.500 It's some good.

01:11:51.340 It's fun to draft in your head.

01:11:52.100 Yeah, I just feel like I would.

01:11:53.320 If I had that, if you had, because it's almost like having like a, like if you have one of

01:11:57.780 those little dogs, you get to carry it in a thing and show it and take it on the plane,

01:12:01.740 you know?

01:12:02.280 Yeah.

01:12:02.440 It'd be crazy if you had like a small bag and you snuck, you know, like you poked it

01:12:06.860 out the top.

01:12:07.720 Yeah.

01:12:08.380 Or if you put, took one of those little service animal vests and put it across it and it's just

01:12:12.220 like, here you go.

01:12:13.260 Don't pet it.

01:12:14.180 It doesn't like to be petted.

01:12:16.660 You can look at it.

01:12:17.660 Damn, you got that service wiener, dog.

01:12:19.920 That's crazy.

01:12:21.380 Yep.

01:12:21.820 What's the longest wiener they've ever had?

01:12:23.700 Can you look at that?

01:12:24.360 Well, here he is right here.

01:12:25.420 Look at this.

01:12:26.860 He's flashing his wiener out the water.

01:12:29.280 Oh yeah, there it is.

01:12:30.680 And they're looking and you know those men are even looking.

01:12:32.400 And you could tell with that blur, it is absolutely humongous.

01:12:36.140 Bro.

01:12:36.540 I mean, look at that thing.

01:12:37.660 Look at that.

01:12:39.160 That thing.

01:12:39.800 I mean, that's like an alien sighting or something.

01:12:43.400 That looks like a UFO.

01:12:45.580 Wow.

01:12:46.020 Look how long that is.

01:12:48.780 Dude, that looks, yeah.

01:12:51.680 That looks like it's got some hit points if this were Zelda Breath of the Wild.

01:12:58.680 That thing.

01:12:59.680 Wow.

01:13:00.040 That's crazy, man.

01:13:01.660 See, it's just, it's interesting.

01:13:03.080 If you had a, it's like, if you had a great wiener, you should be able to show it to somebody

01:13:08.020 every now and then.

01:13:08.960 If you got a regular wiener, sure.

01:13:10.620 Right.

01:13:10.840 Like, that's disgusting.

01:13:12.320 Right.

01:13:12.440 No one wants to see a regular wiener.

01:13:14.160 Oh.

01:13:14.540 But a giant wiener is something that both boys and girls can agree on.

01:13:18.380 Yeah.

01:13:18.700 Like, it's worth showing off.

01:13:21.400 What's the biggest wiener, buddy?

01:13:22.700 Can you look at that?

01:13:23.420 We might have a blocker on here.

01:13:24.560 This is interesting.

01:13:29.100 Biggest wiener ever.

01:13:31.260 This is good.

01:13:32.280 This is podcasting gold, if you ask me.

01:13:34.700 Is it?

01:13:35.420 Yeah.

01:13:35.820 Hell yeah.

01:13:36.720 Biggest wiener.

01:13:38.100 Me and you.

01:13:38.980 Finding out together.

01:13:40.280 Exactly.

01:13:41.040 The record for biggest penis in history.

01:13:44.220 Oh, yeah.

01:13:44.700 That is kind of exciting.

01:13:45.920 Yeah.

01:13:47.140 Eight feet?

01:13:48.560 Nuh-uh.

01:13:50.800 Oh, it's a blue whale.

01:13:52.260 That makes sense.

01:13:53.040 Oh, he's got that.

01:13:54.300 Okay.

01:13:55.660 Yeah, we're going to have to put human in the mix here.

01:13:59.240 Man.

01:14:00.020 You just gave away your cookies on that one.

01:14:02.240 18.9.

01:14:03.860 No way.

01:14:05.720 Wow.

01:14:06.240 Roberto Cabrero.

01:14:07.480 Wow.

01:14:08.440 No way.

01:14:09.560 Latino coming in.

01:14:11.080 Oh, man.

01:14:11.760 That just might be his, like, brother.

01:14:13.160 He might have a Siamese twin just connected to his groin.

01:14:16.340 Dude, this guy, he could rake a yard with that thing, dude.

01:14:19.100 He's halfway to work.

01:14:20.840 Has smashed the previous record with his mammoth penis, measuring an incredible 18.9 inches.

01:14:25.780 Let's see more verbiage on it.

01:14:27.360 18.9.

01:14:29.460 What?

01:14:30.780 The man with the world's largest penis has revealed his daily life is like, as he rejected

01:14:36.480 the possibility of having a reduction.

01:14:38.580 54-year-old Roberto Esquival Cabrera.

01:14:42.820 Wow.

01:14:43.300 From Saltillo, Mexico.

01:14:45.800 Has a penis measuring a record-breaking 18.9 inches.

01:14:49.080 Wow.

01:14:49.700 Damn.

01:14:50.720 That's unbelievable, man.

01:14:52.040 God.

01:14:53.460 I can't believe it, man.

01:14:54.820 I would hate that, though.

01:14:56.640 Would you, though?

01:14:59.240 Yeah, because then you have to wash your penis.

01:15:01.840 That's true.

01:15:02.440 That's a whole other five minutes.

01:15:06.100 Put lotion on your wiener?

01:15:07.680 If he had that much wiener, what...

01:15:12.580 He probably has people to lotion that wiener.

01:15:14.940 You think?

01:15:15.880 Yeah.

01:15:16.760 He probably has.

01:15:19.400 But then again, what's the biggest vagina is the real question here.

01:15:23.280 What's the deepest human vagina?

01:15:25.340 That's a great question.

01:15:26.060 What is the deepest human vagina, bub?

01:15:28.560 This is...

01:15:29.260 See, now we're really getting into something here.

01:15:32.200 Yeah, people never look at this, huh?

01:15:33.740 Right.

01:15:34.140 Because that's the real...

01:15:35.980 Because you can't put it all the way.

01:15:37.060 You can't, obviously...

01:15:38.060 Anna Swan.

01:15:40.120 Okay, here we are.

01:15:41.260 Biggest vagina in the world.

01:15:43.540 I just pop up.

01:15:44.580 It's just a picture of me.

01:15:49.420 Penis in the world.

01:15:50.260 Okay, scroll.

01:15:54.220 Have yours.

01:15:55.500 Keep scrolling.

01:15:56.340 That's nothing.

01:15:57.000 Wait, did you see that was the guy?

01:15:59.020 Nuh-uh.

01:15:59.440 Yeah, scroll back up.

01:16:01.020 No, up, up, up.

01:16:02.700 That dude, that's him.

01:16:03.540 Robert Esquivel Cabrera.

01:16:05.240 Wow.

01:16:05.560 Look at that guy.

01:16:06.540 World's largest penis.

01:16:07.960 The world's biggest vagina belonged to Anna Swan.

01:16:11.180 Oh, my goodness.

01:16:12.840 Wow, she died in 1888.

01:16:15.580 Wow.

01:16:16.140 19-inch circumference.

01:16:17.880 It's a little less than the circumference of a rugby ball.

01:16:22.500 She was a Scottish giantess and reached a height of 7 foot 8 inches.

01:16:26.020 She also reportedly delivered the biggest newborn ever, recorded 23 pounds, 12 ounces.

01:16:34.160 Wow.

01:16:34.800 It's time!

01:16:38.220 That's a fucking Bantamweight, dude.

01:16:40.640 That is unreal.

01:16:42.360 Oh, there's the guy.

01:16:45.480 Oh, there's Roberto, eh?

01:16:46.860 Oh, my goodness.

01:16:48.580 Zoom in a little here, Bucky.

01:16:49.900 Look at the girth of that thing.

01:16:51.480 Dude, he has it taped like one of those horse's legs when they put the tape on it before it runs.

01:16:55.780 Like it's about to have its own boxing match.

01:16:58.200 Oh, my God, bro.

01:16:59.820 Yep.

01:17:00.900 You've got to be kidding me.

01:17:02.920 He has a beer koozie on it.

01:17:05.720 Oh, my goodness.

01:17:07.980 Oh, my goodness.

01:17:09.300 Look at this.

01:17:11.060 Wow.

01:17:13.140 This is incredible.

01:17:17.860 Oh, my goodness.

01:17:20.860 Jesus.

01:17:21.500 Great hair, too, huh?

01:17:23.100 Oh, my God.

01:17:23.740 Look at it.

01:17:24.260 Do you see it in his pant leg?

01:17:25.580 Oh, my God.

01:17:26.800 Largen that video up, but don't turn the audio on.

01:17:29.540 Oh, my God.

01:17:31.080 He literally, he walks like, he has to walk like that Tesla robot.

01:17:37.980 I'm like, nobody walks like that robot, and then all of a sudden, world's largest penis.

01:17:43.980 Maybe the robot has a big penis.

01:17:45.860 Dang, man.

01:17:46.900 See, that's what I wouldn't want to do.

01:17:48.380 It's almost like you're like, I feel like you're at church every time.

01:17:51.220 Like it's like noon at church, and it's like fucking, it's ringing against your knees.

01:17:56.520 Or you get hard at a place where you're like, where you don't, where you shouldn't, like that.

01:18:01.220 Oh.

01:18:02.240 But even if it gets hard, it's just like hitting against, there's no like.

01:18:05.380 Like, it's got to just be painful, because all of a sudden, it's just trapped.

01:18:08.940 It's like Harry Houdini.

01:18:10.380 And all your blood, you must lose like a third of the blood in your body.

01:18:13.900 Yeah, when he gets hard, he just like goes stupid, just like.

01:18:21.140 All the blood leaves his body.

01:18:23.100 There's a cost, man.

01:18:24.160 There's a cost to everything.

01:18:25.340 No doubt.

01:18:26.040 What other news we got here?

01:18:28.000 So this is one thing that's been popping off a lot, is this kind of drug-induced homosexuality right here.

01:18:33.680 You can turn the audio on it.

01:18:35.180 So this is a new drug?

01:18:37.060 No, it's just like, a lot of men are, there's like been a pattern of men becoming gay based on drug use.

01:18:44.660 Look at this.

01:18:48.380 Oh my God.

01:18:50.080 You see?

01:18:51.200 Those are straight men.

01:18:54.420 One more time, you can tell they don't want to be here, but the drug's got them here.

01:18:58.940 Look at that.

01:19:00.200 Damn, boy.

01:19:00.920 How do you know they're straight?

01:19:07.640 You can tell, look at them.

01:19:11.880 Look at that.

01:19:15.680 One of them called the other one I think of.

01:19:17.580 Yeah.

01:19:20.320 Yeah, he's like, you're gay, dude.

01:19:22.760 Drugs got them like, maybe I do like dudes.

01:19:24.960 See that one person comment?

01:19:26.040 See that?

01:19:26.520 Bam, boy.

01:19:27.120 What?

01:19:27.740 What happened, boy?

01:19:28.640 Nothing gay.

01:19:30.200 Who gay, bro?

01:19:31.040 You see?

01:19:32.020 That's crazy, bro.

01:19:32.960 That's interesting.

01:19:34.140 I remember a guy tried to get me to do cocaine with him once and then be gay, you know?

01:19:38.620 He tried to lock me in a bathroom when I was trying to go to the airport.

01:19:43.180 What was his move?

01:19:45.120 He like went in for a kiss or something?

01:19:47.360 Yeah, he said the doors are locked and I just believed him, you know?

01:19:50.200 So obviously it would be like the worst.

01:19:53.120 I'd be so easy to kidnap or whatever, you know?

01:19:55.540 I just believed him.

01:19:56.800 And then, because he also had the drugs.

01:19:58.900 Right.

01:19:59.500 So it's like I'm milling around and it's like, how close to gay do you want to get for this drug?

01:20:03.980 Right.

01:20:05.100 Yeah.

01:20:05.300 And he just, yeah, something he told me.

01:20:07.960 He like, I remember took his watch off and put his watch on me.

01:20:10.560 Just shit that like they trap you in like that.

01:20:12.540 Oh, yeah.

01:20:13.080 That'll do it.

01:20:13.920 And then they're like, what time is it?

01:20:15.200 And then they pull, you know, like pull you close or whatever.

01:20:18.160 Yeah.

01:20:18.740 I don't know, bro, but.

01:20:19.800 Next thing you know, you're handcuffed.

01:20:21.320 Oh, yeah.

01:20:21.900 And you're just gay.

01:20:24.220 You know, it's just.

01:20:26.700 Drug-induced gay.

01:20:28.520 But what else do we have?

01:20:29.800 Any other news that's going on?

01:20:31.380 I don't care about this.

01:20:33.180 Oh, I like this.

01:20:33.740 Let's go to that two female cops arrest a shop.

01:20:35.840 If your random guy comes in and does it for them.

01:20:40.640 I didn't do anything.

01:20:42.080 What were you just reaching for?

01:20:43.840 Please.

01:20:44.440 Stop resisting.

01:20:45.080 I didn't do anything.

01:20:46.200 What's this address?

01:20:46.820 What's this address?

01:20:47.680 Oh.

01:20:48.600 Ow.

01:20:49.640 Three.

01:20:50.220 Three hours.

01:20:50.740 Two hours.

01:20:51.940 Six fifty.

01:20:52.960 Six fifty.

01:20:53.820 Where is this that is?

01:20:54.460 Let go.

01:20:55.140 Hang on.

01:21:00.160 Get out.

01:21:01.200 What are you doing?

01:21:01.780 Oh.

01:21:03.060 Oh, damn, bro.

01:21:05.020 Oh.

01:21:07.460 Oh, man.

01:21:08.560 Let's go.

01:21:09.320 Get me out of here.

01:21:09.940 Over here.

01:21:11.420 Over here.

01:21:12.200 Give me a hand.

01:21:12.900 Thief.

01:21:13.600 I love how they put the word thief on there.

01:21:18.080 Wow.

01:21:18.480 Wow.

01:21:18.540 This is the type of stuff you're going to be seeing more of, I think, is that vigilante

01:21:23.560 style stuff, you know?

01:21:24.900 Like, I was at a store not too long ago, a CVS, and somebody in there was stealing stuff.

01:21:30.320 And so then you have, then you just get the biggest guy that's in there.

01:21:33.080 It's just like some chubby kind of vest.

01:21:34.820 He's red vested.

01:21:35.740 So now they have to, they're confronting people.

01:21:38.980 It's like people, it's not even their job description, you know?

01:21:42.400 Yeah, man.

01:21:43.360 I mean, that's another thing, was towards the end of my L.A. tenure, like, the windows were

01:21:52.460 boarded up at all the drugstores near me where I knew the people that worked there.

01:21:57.000 And it's like, you know, my neighborhood friends, and there's plywood over the windows because

01:22:01.900 you were just allowed to steal, I guess, up to $1,000 worth of stuff, which it's almost

01:22:07.100 impossible to steal over $1,000 worth of stuff, you know, in one trip at least.

01:22:12.380 Yeah, in one trip.

01:22:13.240 Yeah.

01:22:13.460 Yeah.

01:22:13.900 So, yeah.

01:22:15.280 Reminds me of that supermarket sweep show.

01:22:16.860 Remember that?

01:22:17.220 Yeah.

01:22:17.920 That's basically it.

01:22:19.140 It really is, man.

01:22:19.640 That's L.A.

01:22:20.460 It's a never-ending supermarket sweep.

01:22:22.860 Yeah, it's just, but it's like, it puts people in on edge, you know?

01:22:26.440 So, it makes it, you know, I notice when I go back to that CVS, I, like, feel like,

01:22:30.560 okay, what could go off in here?

01:22:33.020 You know, it makes me have, like, a different kind of relationship with the other people

01:22:38.940 in the store, what's going on, where do I kind of position myself a little bit?

01:22:43.520 Like, it makes you kind of pay attention a little bit more.

01:22:45.700 I do notice myself kind of having a little bit more insight on my surroundings, which

01:22:50.020 is good, but also it makes me kind of more fearful of just people, which I feel like

01:22:55.320 is kind of bad, you know?

01:22:56.680 Yeah.

01:22:56.900 It's like, you're just waiting for the next person to be that scare bear, you know?

01:23:00.940 Right.

01:23:01.620 Yeah.

01:23:02.100 People are out there being wild.

01:23:03.580 Not everybody's, not everybody's thriving in these times.

01:23:07.520 So, like, I mean, you have to ask yourself, what would we be doing?

01:23:10.920 You know what I mean?

01:23:11.780 If we had nothing and needed something.

01:23:14.380 Same thing.

01:23:14.980 Yep.

01:23:15.640 Exactly.

01:23:16.380 We'd be in there getting talked to by the big guy in the red shirt.

01:23:19.440 And it's when people start, when the fabric of kind of like, that we are all buying into

01:23:25.560 the idea that this is a country and these are the rules, when that starts to kind of

01:23:33.380 like, you know, fluctuate, I feel like, and you see, it's just so many years of some people

01:23:40.140 getting certain treatments, some people get another treatment, you know, when you start

01:23:43.560 to see that, like, there's just so much of, like, your politicians just, you know, glad

01:23:50.120 handing with their buddies and giving these contracts, you start to feel like there's

01:23:56.220 not really that American dream.

01:23:58.020 There's not really that thing that can, that everybody's not playing fairly.

01:24:03.420 I think it starts to make people not respect the game anymore, you know?

01:24:08.340 But you still have to sit there at the Monopoly board, but you know that they don't respect

01:24:13.000 the game, and that's when you fucking turn the shoe in and you get that little cannon.

01:24:17.260 And you just start fucking, just hauling ass, bro, just hanging out on Baltic, fucking

01:24:21.480 blowing grams.

01:24:22.360 I could tell it's been years since you played Monopoly.

01:24:25.720 I think it has, man.

01:24:26.780 Treated in for a cannon.

01:24:28.360 But it's like, you just, you know.

01:24:29.660 Baltic's the hood, by the way, you know, it's a rough neighborhood.

01:24:32.300 It's purple.

01:24:32.660 Oh, Baltic was gangster, dude.

01:24:34.040 I would just get Baltic in the stair over there and fucking flex.

01:24:38.180 Just call people names when they pass through, dude.

01:24:40.840 Oh, hell yeah.

01:24:41.320 Yell shit.

01:24:42.160 Yep.

01:24:43.040 Baltic's over there with Mediterranean.

01:24:45.080 It's a lower income area.

01:24:47.360 Is it?

01:24:47.700 What was over there?

01:24:48.460 Baltic?

01:24:50.780 Yeah, maybe it was.

01:24:52.080 I think so.

01:24:53.440 What else we got in the news, man?

01:24:56.180 I wonder if there's anything else we want to cover here.

01:24:58.540 I know you got a couple shows tonight, man.

01:25:00.520 I'm going to come and do one.

01:25:01.560 We're going to have fun.

01:25:02.740 Thank you, brother.

01:25:03.240 Dude, that was so much fun last night.

01:25:04.860 There's nothing I love more, because again, I'm an old school.

01:25:07.760 I was raised on like pro wrestling.

01:25:09.500 I didn't have a dad in my life growing up.

01:25:11.120 So one of the big parts of pro wrestling that makes it wildly successful is the element

01:25:18.460 of surprise, which I love more than anything, combining that in our weird world of stand-up

01:25:24.200 comedy.

01:25:24.540 So there's nothing.

01:25:25.340 And again, I do it every week on Kill Tony.

01:25:27.540 I literally never announce who the guest for that live show is going to be.

01:25:31.140 So, you know, getting to have Willie, everybody thinks William, who they already know from

01:25:37.580 my show is bringing me up.

01:25:39.340 And instead he's bringing up Nashville's own Theo Vaughn, you know, and last weekend in

01:25:45.200 Columbus, I got to bring up Chappelle.

01:25:48.160 Everybody thought I was going to bring up Rogan.

01:25:49.920 And instead I'm bringing up Ohio's own Dave Chappelle and the room.

01:25:55.160 I mean, the pop, that element of people looking at the person that they came with, like, no

01:26:00.040 fucking way.

01:26:01.000 And then you see the outline of Chappelle, the iconic and the same thing with you.

01:26:05.960 They see that fucking mullet fluttering in the air.

01:26:08.740 They're like, we made it.

01:26:10.260 That wife bait.

01:26:11.200 Extra show.

01:26:11.860 Here we go.

01:26:12.980 That's that lady bait, dude.

01:26:14.400 Yeah.

01:26:14.580 You know, there is.

01:26:15.340 That's so interesting.

01:26:16.320 I never thought about like that.

01:26:17.340 It's like when somebody like surprises and ran into the ring, the ultimate warrior coming

01:26:21.980 out at number 29.

01:26:23.760 Yep.

01:26:24.060 Anybody else who ran out, it was like, oh, it's good, but it ain't the ultimate warrior.

01:26:28.040 You know, the other one, the other one, the undertaker, the lights go out and you hear

01:26:31.900 the bell toll and you just get the chills because you're like, no way.

01:26:37.220 Right.

01:26:37.900 And, and that's, you know, that's, that's a big one.

01:26:40.820 He lives in Austin as well.

01:26:42.300 The undertaker, Elon Musk.

01:26:45.860 Something happening over there.

01:26:47.260 There's something cooking.

01:26:48.460 They got to get them on stage, man.

01:26:50.140 That's the thing.

01:26:50.700 We just, those people will have to get on stage and do some time.

01:26:53.500 I look, I think it's fascinating.

01:26:55.220 I like the idea of an underdog place.

01:26:57.040 I like the idea of something new.

01:26:58.600 Yeah.

01:26:58.920 Obviously I'm really curious to see Joe's club.

01:27:00.720 It looked great when I walked through it.

01:27:02.240 I was like, wow, this is really going to be cool.

01:27:04.520 Oh yeah.

01:27:05.180 And the adjustments and the, the, the way that it's being built is by real comedians, you

01:27:10.940 know, every other comedy club, even if it was owned by a guy that used to be a comedian

01:27:14.940 or host the shows, you know, all those weird little places scattered around the country.

01:27:19.320 It was never done by actual successful, real touring comedians that could do theaters or arenas

01:27:28.980 or whatever to really surgically make it.

01:27:32.220 I mean, and you know, they, we had a Louie in town three weeks ago or so, and he came

01:27:40.360 in and even made one more final adjustment.

01:27:43.960 You know what I mean?

01:27:44.540 He's like, yeah, it's perfect.

01:27:46.640 If the ceiling was just 12 inches lower, I think it'd be, would be even better than perfect.

01:27:53.680 And we were like, and you know, it's just, you're watching the magic happen.

01:27:58.140 Joe looks at the construction.

01:27:59.360 I think we can do it.

01:28:00.280 So, you know, yeah, we could do it.

01:28:02.200 Yeah.

01:28:02.420 We'll just add a few, a few days.

01:28:04.560 All right.

01:28:05.580 Wow.

01:28:06.220 So those little tiny screws on like this Boeing 737 are being tightened to, and the entrances

01:28:13.420 and like the class of it is going to be crazy.

01:28:16.300 Like it's going to be heaven.

01:28:17.580 It's going to be what we loved about the comedy store, but also with a little bit of a rock

01:28:22.820 and roll and also a little bit of like a, the shining vibe, you know, that hotel from the

01:28:28.100 shining, it's going to be like sort of really classy and cool like that, but also dark and

01:28:33.240 creepy too.

01:28:34.380 So magic.

01:28:35.860 We're really excited.

01:28:37.440 Yeah.

01:28:37.840 Yeah.

01:28:38.020 I can feel Joe's excitement.

01:28:38.980 Even when he was walking me through it, you could feel like, you know, it's interesting

01:28:43.260 to see somebody like that get excited, you know, who's had so many unique things happen

01:28:46.340 to them in their life.

01:28:47.180 Yeah.

01:28:47.400 It's cool to see somebody get excited.

01:28:49.380 Do you think that Joe would ever start a platform?

01:28:52.520 Because obviously having a club is amazing, right?

01:28:54.900 It's a, it's a tangible thing where you're right there.

01:28:58.180 You can get up on stage, you know, it's like, this is the real art.

01:29:01.320 Yeah.

01:29:01.720 But I wonder if he ever creates like a, you know, like his, like his own YouTube or like

01:29:07.040 his own.

01:29:07.740 Cause I feel like he would be the one, obviously, you know, he has the most gravitational pull.

01:29:12.360 He could.

01:29:13.160 And the thing is, I think he already has, I think that he just doesn't want, need or

01:29:19.760 want all the credit.

01:29:21.560 You know what I mean?

01:29:22.280 It doesn't need to be called the Rogan network.

01:29:24.320 He just pushes the things that he believes in.

01:29:27.680 You know what I mean?

01:29:28.220 I think we're all part of that extension.

01:29:30.620 I mean, there is no question that he is, that his show is the new Carson.

01:29:35.860 It's the new tonight show, like getting on it and being part of that universe.

01:29:39.760 It means you're going to get bigger.

01:29:42.220 Or even when they came after him, even when they tried to cancel him, he got bigger.

01:29:47.540 Everything just gets bigger.

01:29:49.580 Even I, when all the crazy stuff happened to me and there's a few days where I'm like,

01:29:53.180 oh my God, am I about to go be a crab fisherman in Alaska?

01:29:56.540 Like what the fuck am I about to do?

01:29:58.620 And to see that, oh my God, everything got a thousand times better.

01:30:02.480 Like it's, you know, so I think he sort of already has this universe, you know?

01:30:08.940 And, you know, if they ever really, really, really come down on free speech and, you know,

01:30:15.040 if YouTube gets crazy or anything like that, then, you know, there's totally something that's

01:30:21.140 going to have to happen.

01:30:22.200 Um, but I think right now he's, he's doing everything he can for like other people.

01:30:29.140 It's incredible how he, you know, one thing that's not often talked about is, you know,

01:30:35.760 sometimes you'll go see some of the biggest comedians on planet earth and you'll notice

01:30:40.860 that their opening acts like aren't always really like, they're not like their own killers.

01:30:46.400 Like, you know what I mean?

01:30:47.400 Like going back to last night, like, I'm like, I, I wasn't like, oh, I hope I can't follow

01:30:53.900 Theo, you know what I mean?

01:30:55.560 Cause we, we've always done this dance.

01:30:57.740 We've been going up before and after one another for over a decade continuously.

01:31:02.020 I, and this comes, you know, and this is something that Joe and I have always had in

01:31:06.320 common is like, we thrive.

01:31:08.280 We love the idea of giving the people the best possible human crazy ass show and pulling

01:31:15.980 it off.

01:31:16.980 You know, that's not fear driven.

01:31:18.920 Uh, like I think a lot of people are cause he's not like that.

01:31:21.840 Who else would take Joe or Joey Diaz to feature for him in an arena in Atlantic city, you know,

01:31:28.660 and, and all this chaos and Ari Shafir and Duncan and all these wild people, you, me, all

01:31:34.220 the, you know, who wants to really follow that?

01:31:36.860 And it's someone that wants to get better and help people that he thinks are the best.

01:31:41.280 And, you know, so he does have an element of not having the fear driven.

01:31:45.420 Yeah.

01:31:45.880 I mean, he, he followed Chappelle in that arena in Columbus two weeks ago, like butter,

01:31:50.840 like it was nothing.

01:31:52.100 And it was, you know, he doesn't have that part in him.

01:31:55.440 He doesn't have that fear thing.

01:31:56.740 Really?

01:31:56.940 Exactly.

01:31:57.500 Fear is not a factor for him.

01:31:59.140 It really isn't.

01:31:59.960 Isn't that crazy?

01:32:00.880 Yeah.

01:32:01.740 No, it really isn't.

01:32:02.620 And if it was, you'd never fight.

01:32:05.060 I don't think you could see it.

01:32:06.860 He's a diabolical human being.

01:32:08.900 Like, I mean, you know, obviously he has a, just like anybody nowadays, there's a ton

01:32:14.080 of haters out there that can pick apart this, like, oh, horse paste.

01:32:17.760 But like anything you try to get them on, it's easily provable that you're just wrong.

01:32:25.240 Like people that are, you know, oh, he's not a good standup.

01:32:28.320 Well, you're crazy because all of your favorite standups think he's an unbelievable standup comedian.

01:32:33.580 Every single one of your favorite comedians thinks he's a great comedian, knows he's

01:32:39.340 a great comedian.

01:32:40.080 He's been doing it three decades.

01:32:41.200 Just because you know him from a podcast or from Ivermectin or from CNN, it doesn't change

01:32:46.600 what reality is.

01:32:48.180 There's a lot of opinions out there.

01:32:49.660 But someone like him, and it's so rare, there's not even a second place.

01:32:54.940 Like he's like, you know, as far as helping people and, you know, staying humble, he's

01:33:02.420 an incredible inspiration in that way.

01:33:04.940 And I think it's easy for that to slip away.

01:33:08.300 And once someone thinks that they have it all figured out, I think that's when it starts

01:33:11.940 to slip.

01:33:12.500 And he doesn't do that.

01:33:14.100 He's constantly writing.

01:33:15.440 He has, you know, his hour now, the one I saw two months ago, man, it was, it's, I

01:33:23.100 mean, you don't want to say it's the best stuff I've seen him do, but that's okay to

01:33:25.800 say it's the, I think he's done a lot of really, really great stuff.

01:33:30.040 It's the best stuff that I've seen him do.

01:33:31.800 And you do want to say that about people because you do want them to continue to, you know,

01:33:36.100 it's like 20 years in to be doing the best stuff.

01:33:38.900 It's where you're supposed to be really.

01:33:40.320 Exactly.

01:33:40.820 But man, it fucking, that shit really, really floored me.

01:33:43.080 I think there's something about, you know, mainstream media going after him that made

01:33:47.600 him want to be even better.

01:33:49.280 I'll show you idiots.

01:33:50.600 I saw the same thing yesterday.

01:33:52.140 I was hanging out with my buddy, John Rich, country music star that I, you told me about

01:33:55.820 him.

01:33:55.940 I got to get him on here.

01:33:57.100 Oh, he's amazing.

01:33:58.360 And he's, you know, he leans hard, right?

01:34:02.640 Harder, right?

01:34:03.280 Than some of those faces on Bell's palsy.

01:34:05.540 You know what I mean?

01:34:06.240 He's like all the way, but everything he says makes sense.

01:34:10.880 Yeah, he's got like Liberty Bell's palsy.

01:34:12.320 Yeah, yes, he does.

01:34:16.260 He's a killer.

01:34:17.240 You know what I mean?

01:34:17.980 And he's just, he's got the best intentions and he's a great guy and they come after him

01:34:22.480 all the time because he's like, I think everybody should have a gun.

01:34:24.960 He's on Fox News sometimes.

01:34:26.620 You know what I mean?

01:34:27.260 Like he is, he does stand for what he thinks is right and what a lot of people, it turns

01:34:34.560 out, think is right.

01:34:35.460 Thinks is right.

01:34:36.000 And they've come after him a lot lately.

01:34:37.420 And so he played us a couple songs because he's, he's like, you want to, you guys want

01:34:41.900 to hear a song?

01:34:42.540 This was number one on the billboard charts for 12 days and nobody talked about it.

01:34:49.100 None of the media, nobody, because he didn't use one of the big record labels.

01:34:54.680 And he, because he criticizes the, um, he criticizes the, uh, the, uh, censorship of

01:35:05.820 Twitter and Facebook and YouTube in the lyrics.

01:35:09.240 So he decided he's not going to promote it on any of those things.

01:35:12.800 So he literally just promoted it through truth, social and rumble.

01:35:18.280 These like, yeah, my mother loves those.

01:35:20.760 Right.

01:35:21.420 And literally number one on the billboard charts for 12 days.

01:35:26.340 So these people didn't know what to do.

01:35:27.980 He's above Lizzo.

01:35:29.080 He's above Taylor Swift.

01:35:30.520 He's above all of these things.

01:35:32.580 And he's talking about these things that he's always felt.

01:35:36.060 And we made this correlation.

01:35:37.500 Him and I were like, whoa, because we both, you know, we've been living in this world the

01:35:42.100 last couple of years where people are trying to chop you down and it makes you more of

01:35:46.580 who you are.

01:35:47.520 He's always sort of been, don't, don't take my money.

01:35:51.280 You know, I'll, you know, less taxes.

01:35:53.440 He's always been that.

01:35:54.160 But now the lyrics are clear.

01:35:56.080 He's literally saying what he wants, just like how I've doubled down in my standup.

01:35:59.740 And now I'm only exclusively talking about stuff that I shouldn't be talking about.

01:36:05.800 And I have all those premises to myself because so many people are, you know, obviously you

01:36:09.680 want to be on Netflix.

01:36:10.700 You want to be on this.

01:36:11.340 You want to be on HBO.

01:36:12.300 Sure.

01:36:12.480 Who doesn't want to be?

01:36:13.340 But the reality is that none of my stuff could be there.

01:36:17.700 It would literally just cause a riot.

01:36:19.480 You know, people would just quit or whatever.

01:36:21.280 Right.

01:36:21.800 But, but the people love it.

01:36:23.640 It's that live show effect of like, whoa, we're doing it.

01:36:27.180 Oh my goodness.

01:36:27.740 He just said that OJ's wife had it coming.

01:36:30.380 Like, oh my God, what the hell?

01:36:32.400 Where are we?

01:36:32.920 Especially as you evolve too, because you had a special on Netflix a few years back.

01:36:36.940 But as you evolve, it's like, yeah, if the platforms won't allow certain stuff or they

01:36:45.140 don't just see, okay, this is just humor that's for some people, not for some, whatever.

01:36:49.940 But if they only want to kind of navigate a certain area or only willing to go to certain,

01:36:56.080 which like, you know, banisters, which is their right.

01:36:59.400 But it does create, not only for putting things out on YouTube, but really for going to see live comedy.

01:37:07.140 It's like, if you want to see kind of what I really want to say, come see live comedy.

01:37:11.100 Yeah.

01:37:11.420 And I found myself wanting to talk more about things that I want to talk about.

01:37:16.540 I just even realized last time, I'm still telling a lot of like jokes and stories and stuff.

01:37:20.400 And I love that.

01:37:21.340 But I would love to probably have a little bit more.

01:37:25.080 I just noticed I'm kind of evolving.

01:37:26.740 I was just kind of noticing, I was like, okay, I love this stuff.

01:37:30.300 This is good.

01:37:30.920 It's entertaining.

01:37:31.860 But also I want to start thinking, well, how do I get more of some of my actual thoughts?

01:37:38.380 Right.

01:37:38.960 Passions.

01:37:39.640 Yeah.

01:37:40.140 Things that like really move me, you know?

01:37:42.080 Yeah.

01:37:42.360 So I'm glad that those feelings are even arising in me.

01:37:44.920 Yeah.

01:37:45.280 What do we see right here?

01:37:46.320 Country music star shunned so-called woke record labels and released a song directly to Donald

01:37:50.720 Trump's social media app, True Social, catapulting it to number one in the world.

01:37:56.740 On the Apple iTunes song chart.

01:37:59.480 And the billboard, which even this isn't covering.

01:38:02.440 Yeah.

01:38:02.800 Rich saw his song outperform those hit makers such as Billie Eilish, Kate Bush, and Lizzo.

01:38:08.240 Hmm.

01:38:09.620 Here I am with no record label, no publisher, no marketing deal.

01:38:13.220 And when he's telling you this and you're in his fucking living room sitting around Johnny

01:38:17.880 Cash guitars and pictures with him and all.

01:38:20.980 You got a beautiful home.

01:38:21.900 I went there for a party once.

01:38:22.880 Yeah.

01:38:23.340 Beautiful.

01:38:23.460 And I mean, he's the real deal.

01:38:24.920 He's, you know, a lot of people just, again, just like Rogan, you might just know him as

01:38:29.100 a guy you hate because he's on Fox News sometimes.

01:38:32.100 Or, oh, he used True Social.

01:38:33.680 I don't like that.

01:38:35.020 But in reality, again, this is a guy completely respected by all of his peers in his industry.

01:38:40.860 So, you know, for him, when he's telling you, like, dude, I did it and I didn't even do it

01:38:50.020 the way that everyone has done it to this point.

01:38:53.120 He literally did with this song what Rogan did with his podcast.

01:38:57.320 He showed an entire industry of, you know.

01:39:01.100 They invite the whole world to come live in our land and leave our countrymen dying in

01:39:06.600 Afghanistan.

01:39:07.740 They say, let go of Jesus and let government save.

01:39:11.120 You can have back your freedoms if you do what we say.

01:39:13.940 Yeah, he's putting it out there, isn't he?

01:39:15.500 Yep.

01:39:16.100 He's saying what he feels, progress.

01:39:17.720 It's strong.

01:39:18.760 It's a single.

01:39:19.320 I got to check that out.

01:39:20.460 Yeah, it's cool.

01:39:22.600 Interesting, man.

01:39:23.280 I'm not sure what that version's like, but I just heard just him with an acoustic guitar

01:39:27.680 yesterday in his living room, and it was unbelievable.

01:39:31.240 And there it is right there, number one.

01:39:32.420 Go back to that, please, brother.

01:39:37.060 Yeah.

01:39:37.940 Number one song right there.

01:39:39.640 And it stayed there for 12 days.

01:39:41.560 That's the other part that, you know, even this article obviously came out when it happened.

01:39:47.660 So, like, it doesn't tell you that staying number one for 12 days is its own insane

01:39:53.020 accomplishment, that those things are always rotating and jumping around, and there it

01:39:59.580 is, $1.29, and boom.

01:40:02.700 And he gives, you know, percentages of his earnings to, he has his own scholarship where he gives

01:40:10.380 money for kids to go to college who, if they had a parent die in the military, he pays for

01:40:15.920 their college.

01:40:16.720 He's given over a million dollars to put kids through college.

01:40:20.600 So, you find out that some of these bad guys are the good guys, and that the good guys,

01:40:27.240 you look at Catholic priests and stuff, like, do good, do this.

01:40:30.880 That's why, like, virtue signaling and a lot of, and I keep ragging on LA, but it's like,

01:40:35.960 you know, a lot of these people that want to work in the industry say all these things,

01:40:39.820 and they're always, this is wrong, and that's wrong, and why are we, you know, what about

01:40:44.880 science, and all these different things, but it almost seems like the good guys sometimes

01:40:49.720 are the bad guys, right?

01:40:51.100 The politicians.

01:40:52.520 Oh, yeah.

01:40:53.200 The priests.

01:40:54.100 All of these things.

01:40:54.500 Yeah, I've always hated politicians, man.

01:40:55.860 Right.

01:40:57.280 And...

01:40:57.620 But I think we start to see that that whole mold, all that, it's not, it's not really working.

01:41:03.520 I think, you know, for a long time people believed in it.

01:41:06.220 There's something good here.

01:41:07.500 But I think after, especially after the pandemic, after people being scared in a lot of cities,

01:41:17.860 you know, and violence, I think people are starting to just wonder what's going on here.

01:41:22.240 I think it's, you know, it's deeper than just, like, in our daily lives.

01:41:28.560 It's like this bigger thing, like, does the society that we constructed and that we've been

01:41:34.340 building and riding, what's going to happen to it?

01:41:37.940 Like, which way is it going to go, you know?

01:41:41.120 In perspective, right?

01:41:42.660 Like, the other night, after a Kill Tony taping, I was telling my producer guy that, I go, it's

01:41:49.680 so crazy.

01:41:50.360 I just had five different people come up to me and literally say the same thing of, I

01:41:55.520 can't believe that you get to be mean to people for two hours every week on a show for

01:42:03.000 a living, and I go, and I had another five totally different people on my way up to the

01:42:08.960 green room say, I can't believe that you have created a format to help people, and you're

01:42:16.180 the only person giving these random people a shot to be seen, and it's funny how they're

01:42:23.120 all at the same show, and these people are seeing two different shows, kind of, you know

01:42:27.660 what I mean?

01:42:28.120 And I think it's that way sort of for everything nowadays.

01:42:31.520 Sometimes something can be right there, and we choose what we like about it or what we

01:42:37.540 don't like about it, right?

01:42:39.120 Well, it's a bummer, too.

01:42:40.080 Sometimes it's like, I wish I could press a button more and get different perspectives.

01:42:45.360 Like, it's like, sometimes I'm like, man, I'm so, I'm not inhibited, I am inhibited by my

01:42:50.540 own perspective.

01:42:51.820 Not that it's right or wrong, sometimes it's both, but that it's like, man, I wonder what

01:42:58.680 life is if you're, what has life seemed like if you're this person, if you're a woman, if

01:43:04.580 you're a man, if you're black or, what is it, Japanese, you know, or, you know, I've just

01:43:12.920 like, wonder what it all seems like, you know, because then it's like, yeah, are my views

01:43:18.900 off?

01:43:19.420 Are they on?

01:43:20.440 Is it okay if they're just right for me in my own space?

01:43:25.520 You know?

01:43:26.060 I think that's the part that starts to feel kind of scary sometimes.

01:43:29.580 It's like, well, these are my views for my perception.

01:43:32.020 Um, is it okay to share them if I can't get everybody, if I can't, you know, how, is it

01:43:41.620 okay to share them if, even if I'm without taking into context what other people's views

01:43:47.160 are?

01:43:47.500 Like, it's just, it's hard.

01:43:48.820 Right.

01:43:49.100 It's hard sometimes.

01:43:50.120 Yeah.

01:43:50.500 You know?

01:43:51.580 Um, because you try to, you want to be open-minded, you want, but you also want to respect what

01:43:55.660 you intrinsically feel, you know?

01:43:58.120 And I think that's another place, another area where the pandemic hit hard.

01:44:03.240 Like, people like me and you that went out and were like, we need to be around stuff that's

01:44:07.140 open, we need to go out once in a while, listen to music, or just be around people, or just

01:44:11.340 be somewhere that's open.

01:44:13.760 You know, that's a character trait, you know what I mean?

01:44:17.320 And I think that a lot of people that stayed in and stayed locked down and things like this,

01:44:22.480 um, created almost a little bit of, uh, bitterness towards those that, you know,

01:44:28.100 might speak a little bit more freely because we know people better because we're socializing

01:44:34.500 more and out more.

01:44:35.620 And we might have a Japanese friend or a black woman or this or a transgender or this or that

01:44:41.440 or anything.

01:44:41.960 So we sort of can speak more freely because we feel like we know these people and this

01:44:47.320 and that.

01:44:47.820 And meanwhile, some, you know, person who's at home on the internet who never goes out can

01:44:54.640 be like, you know, you shouldn't even be talking about this.

01:44:58.180 Right.

01:44:58.200 This is what we have to do because it also caters to that person's life.

01:45:01.600 Yeah.

01:45:01.720 But also guys like you and me, I think we never really liked the rules.

01:45:06.340 Right.

01:45:07.080 You've never liked the rules.

01:45:08.200 Hell no.

01:45:08.720 No.

01:45:09.260 Uh-uh.

01:45:09.840 Never.

01:45:10.300 You've never liked the rules.

01:45:11.620 And so anytime there's rules or some type of control that comes in, I really don't like

01:45:16.880 that.

01:45:17.420 Right.

01:45:17.660 It hits in a place in me.

01:45:19.360 I don't want to be, you know, I think it goes back to just my childhood.

01:45:23.060 I didn't like where we were.

01:45:24.080 I didn't like the whole position that I got put into in my life when I was young, blah,

01:45:27.920 blah, blah.

01:45:28.540 So it's like I'll reject anything that tries to fucking make me be some type of way.

01:45:33.880 Right.

01:45:34.300 It's a blessing and a curse, I think, sometimes.

01:45:36.760 Yeah.

01:45:37.980 But what else?

01:45:40.360 So your dad passed away when you were a kid?

01:45:41.920 I heard you mentioned that earlier.

01:45:43.240 No, he was, he's alive.

01:45:45.280 Um, but what type of job did he have?

01:45:48.200 He ran an Italian restaurant and did some, uh, some bookie-ing, basically Youngstown,

01:45:53.980 sort of like a little Italian mafia hub.

01:45:56.960 So everybody there, when I was a kid, was involved in organized crime in some effect or

01:46:02.020 another, including my mom, who was running numbers for the whole city.

01:46:06.120 It was a big illegal gambling operation that she used just to put me through the private

01:46:12.040 school there and make sure that I had a new pair of Nikes once a year.

01:46:15.400 You know what I mean?

01:46:15.900 I was like poor.

01:46:17.140 People don't realize that you-

01:46:18.200 Would you put the cards out to people and they would circle the games and that sort of

01:46:21.680 thing?

01:46:22.020 Would you just-

01:46:22.560 Yeah.

01:46:22.580 Yeah.

01:46:22.800 Well, it was mostly like betting.

01:46:24.900 Mostly like you call and it's like, all right, I'll put 20 on the Packers.

01:46:28.880 And, and, but the thing that my mom was doing was also like writing down numbers.

01:46:33.700 So you could play like the pick three lottery or the pick four lottery and it was like straight

01:46:40.980 or boxed, which means you're playing it straight up or the three numbers come out anyway.

01:46:46.140 It was, it's crazy that I used to like just see her on the phone, like writing down numbers

01:46:52.360 and like doing it all the time and collecting money from people that would come over and

01:46:57.120 she would just grab a roll of cash from them.

01:46:59.300 And she would put me through private school with that just enough to survive.

01:47:04.760 You know, people think that families from, that are involved with organized crime are

01:47:09.100 always rich and have a mansion like in the Sopranos and a big SUV, but it's like, it wasn't

01:47:14.040 like that in Youngstown.

01:47:15.140 It's like the lower class mob.

01:47:18.100 Um, so my dad and my mom, uh, were married to other people when they had me and they already

01:47:28.020 had kids and families totally forever for 11 years, they were having an affair, super affair.

01:47:34.840 I was a super bastard before it was cool.

01:47:37.140 Like an extreme bastard because my dad didn't want my, you know, my mom didn't want me to

01:47:44.460 have my dad's last name because obviously he had a family around the corner and the

01:47:49.380 whole thing's a mess.

01:47:50.720 But did her husband know that it wasn't his kid?

01:47:52.820 Correct.

01:47:53.320 They hadn't been having sex.

01:47:54.980 It was just one of those like back then, you know, 1984 divorce was like frowned upon

01:47:59.800 and this and that.

01:48:00.520 But once she came, once she was like pregnant, they're like, all right, it's time for you

01:48:04.780 to find another place to live.

01:48:06.700 And so he was out and I was in and the rest is history.

01:48:12.040 It's crazy.

01:48:13.280 Wild times.

01:48:14.460 But it's a lot of unacceptance.

01:48:16.000 It feels like it probably felt like you didn't fairly fit in with any.

01:48:19.280 Exactly.

01:48:20.060 Luckily, my four older brothers and sisters on my mom's side were super open.

01:48:24.860 Like, no, you're a hinge cliff.

01:48:26.780 You're one of us.

01:48:27.980 You're, you know, we got you.

01:48:29.700 And that's another thing that changed my life is like I was raised with this council of much

01:48:34.800 older brothers and sisters, 12 years, 14, 18, and 20 years older than me.

01:48:40.220 Wow.

01:48:40.600 Yeah.

01:48:41.280 So I have a sister that's 58 right now.

01:48:43.620 Oh, yeah.

01:48:44.640 Yeah.

01:48:44.760 That's crazy.

01:48:45.340 That's cool.

01:48:45.900 And my youngest brother is 50.

01:48:48.000 Yeah.

01:48:48.340 12 years older than me.

01:48:49.580 So like I used to go down.

01:48:51.860 My mom used to ship me to Columbus, Ohio for a month every summer when I was out of school

01:48:59.260 and I would just get to hang out with my brothers and sisters who were going to the Ohio State

01:49:02.660 University.

01:49:03.180 So there I was a little nine year old hanging out with a bunch of 20 something year olds

01:49:08.220 and me trying to make them laugh when they were stoned.

01:49:10.700 I didn't even know they were high.

01:49:11.900 They would just all go to the bedroom for like 20 minutes and then come out like giggling.

01:49:15.720 And I would try to make them laugh and I would do goofy stuff.

01:49:19.940 Yeah, you got to fit in.

01:49:20.820 Magic tricks and all this lame stuff to just try to entertain them.

01:49:24.740 And it was fun.

01:49:25.820 They thought it was great and they thought I was funny.

01:49:28.580 So like little things like that, it's where it all kind of started.

01:49:32.140 But yeah, the dad not, always trying to impress the dad thing was a big deal.

01:49:37.820 I mean, it is with anybody.

01:49:39.100 Again, to reference The Sopranos like, and to reference everything, you know, it all goes

01:49:43.740 back to like crazy psychology from our very, we are a product of our childhood.

01:49:48.720 So crazy, isn't it?

01:49:49.840 Totally.

01:49:50.620 And I mean, it's so interesting when you really like go and realize like, yeah, we're not

01:49:55.560 that, we're not that original.

01:49:56.980 We are like a victim of like the story is written early on.

01:50:00.580 We're just playing out the script that our psychology wrote, right?

01:50:05.300 I never thought about it like that.

01:50:06.540 Me neither.

01:50:07.020 I've never said that before.

01:50:08.120 I like that.

01:50:08.720 It's like the psychology, that shit was written right in the first couple of years.

01:50:11.840 Exactly.

01:50:12.200 And now we are just following the...

01:50:14.760 Yep.

01:50:15.440 Because I found out at a very early age that my dad, my mom used to tell me that my dad

01:50:22.240 was a truck driver.

01:50:23.560 I think it was or something like that.

01:50:25.240 I can't exactly remember that part, but it was some job where he was traveling a lot.

01:50:29.300 And one day on the school bus, we went to pick up my buddy, Jeff Lewis over on Coronado.

01:50:38.140 And I noticed a car that looked like my dad's across the street in the driveway.

01:50:44.600 So it's only like three, four, five blocks from where I was raised.

01:50:48.480 And I look over and I memorized the license plate.

01:50:51.440 Maybe I wrote it down.

01:50:52.300 I don't know.

01:50:52.620 And then the next time he came to visit, which was usually like once every couple weeks or

01:50:56.640 so, or maybe once a month for, you know, half an hour.

01:51:00.600 Next time he came over, I matched up the license plate to this, you know, to this Bronco that

01:51:06.080 I saw every day when we were picking up Jeff Lewis.

01:51:09.560 And, and I didn't even bring it up to him because I never wanted to, I never wanted to like start

01:51:19.020 any trouble.

01:51:19.940 I always wanted him to think I was cool.

01:51:22.420 But I said to mom after he left that day, I go, so I noticed that his car is always in

01:51:29.740 a driveway across the street from Jeff Lewis's house on Coronado.

01:51:35.380 And she like looked like she had seen a ghost because he's like, she's like, oh my God,

01:51:39.520 this 10 year old just figured out that his dad lives right around the corner.

01:51:44.820 So then once I realized at such an early age that my dad was just a few blocks away every

01:51:50.180 day, the whole time.

01:51:51.060 And she sat me down and told me everything.

01:51:53.040 So all of a sudden I realized like my mom's kind of a liar and my dad is raising a whole

01:51:59.040 different family.

01:52:00.560 Right.

01:52:00.960 So all of a sudden there's this fire inside where it's like, I'm going to get him to like

01:52:06.040 me one day.

01:52:06.740 I'm going to get him to know that I'm the cool kid.

01:52:09.500 Right.

01:52:10.220 Cut to two months ago, Pittsburgh or maybe a few months ago, but Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania,

01:52:15.800 the middle of an arena, PPG paints arena where the Penguins play, where, you know, a bunch

01:52:21.220 of crazy stuff happens only 50 minutes away from Youngstown, Ohio.

01:52:25.220 And him and his girlfriend came out and saw me and, you know, he's like 75 now or whatever.

01:52:31.660 And like, he's just, he just couldn't believe it.

01:52:35.600 I mean, there's not, I don't, yeah, it's just crazy, especially being from Youngstown.

01:52:39.740 You just never think you're going to see anybody in the middle of an arena that, you know,

01:52:43.820 performing to a sold out 360 degree crowd floor filled all the way to the upper deck and,

01:52:51.400 you know, doing good because we're working this whole time.

01:52:53.920 You know what I mean?

01:52:54.600 So it's like a lot of laughs and he comes back to the, we had, we had gave him full

01:52:59.160 access to the green room because there was like a big fight that night.

01:53:02.220 It was, um, Anthony Joshua versus, uh, what's his name?

01:53:06.740 The best, best big box.

01:53:08.600 Fury?

01:53:09.080 Yeah.

01:53:10.400 And so, and Youngstown's a boxing town.

01:53:12.700 So now he's backstage with me, Rogan, and we're watching boxing on a big screen TV with

01:53:19.000 never ending, you know, you know what these fancy green rooms are like.

01:53:22.160 There's gourmet pizza and anything you could possibly want, coffee, right?

01:53:27.260 Whatever you're in the mood for, cooler filled with all your favorite soda pops.

01:53:31.780 And like, you know, I realized I like did it kind of, you know what I mean?

01:53:35.880 That's like, hell yeah.

01:53:37.560 It was like the, it's a real sort of undeniable victory that I'm like, Ooh, wow.

01:53:44.580 I didn't even realize like, this is cool because it's what, it's what you want, right?

01:53:49.740 Yeah.

01:53:50.040 You want to impress these people that made you with their body parts.

01:53:54.420 I know.

01:53:55.140 It's so strange.

01:53:56.020 Tricky.

01:53:56.240 Cause he came out of his wiener cause he squirted inside of my mother's vagina.

01:54:00.800 I need to, I need to impress him.

01:54:03.320 I'll show him one day.

01:54:05.300 Not as even good.

01:54:06.040 He didn't even have the biggest wiener.

01:54:07.760 Probably basic wiener.

01:54:09.240 Oh, totally.

01:54:10.160 Nowhere, nowhere near our friend here.

01:54:12.240 Yeah.

01:54:12.480 Nowhere near.

01:54:13.640 It's funny, man.

01:54:14.580 I don't know.

01:54:15.060 Sometimes it's like, yeah, I think I wanted to be seen so much by my mother that it's like

01:54:18.840 I started, I had to get everybody to see me and it was like, hopefully one day my mother

01:54:22.780 will see me, you know?

01:54:24.080 And it's like, I don't even know if I'd have gone on that whole journey if I just had this

01:54:28.680 sort of, uh, attention or affection, you know?

01:54:32.040 Right.

01:54:32.240 It's pretty fascinating, man.

01:54:33.860 Um, I think that that's a real through line in our industry is like, I, I would be interested

01:54:40.160 to know who the funniest person is that had both parents there and caring about them and

01:54:46.720 eating dinner at a table with like a nice placemat every day.

01:54:50.640 And like, you know what I mean?

01:54:52.340 A glass of ice or had the little things, you know what I mean?

01:54:55.800 That like seems so normal that for some reason, nobody on the comedy store lineup, you know

01:55:02.220 what I mean?

01:55:02.640 Like, what are the odds?

01:55:04.300 You know what I mean?

01:55:05.320 It's interesting, man.

01:55:06.740 Meanwhile, if you sat at a table with engineers, they'd be like, what do you mean your parents

01:55:10.700 weren't there?

01:55:11.880 I don't get it.

01:55:12.680 What do you mean a placemat?

01:55:13.700 Of course you had a placemat.

01:55:15.040 Yeah.

01:55:15.240 Like, no, I ate on a TV tray.

01:55:16.840 I would make frozen pierogies, you know what I mean?

01:55:19.480 And disgusted, you know what I mean?

01:55:20.720 Oh, yeah.

01:55:20.740 Especially Ohio.

01:55:21.740 Oh, yeah.

01:55:22.740 Yeah.

01:55:23.060 And then you're like, my mother was 35 degrees to my left.

01:55:25.600 My father was at 70 degrees.

01:55:27.620 And man, Tony Hitchcock.

01:55:29.740 I'm like, my father was four blocks away.

01:55:31.680 I know.

01:55:32.340 Yeah.

01:55:33.620 Fuck.

01:55:34.780 So close.

01:55:37.020 That's crazy.

01:55:37.600 That's almost, that's almost, it's kind of heartbreaking.

01:55:40.880 It's wild.

01:55:41.540 But I wouldn't have changed a goddamn thing.

01:55:44.000 I live my dreams and I'm happier than ever.

01:55:46.280 And, you know, it's just wild.

01:55:48.800 It's insane.

01:55:50.680 Yeah.

01:55:50.900 And that shows with goofballs like you sold out shows on the road, get to go to different

01:55:55.020 cities and hit up people like John and you and, you know, whoever's in that city, these

01:55:59.840 relationships that I built from doing dirty, stupid jokes all over.

01:56:04.640 It's like, yeah, it really, oh, it's really lucky.

01:56:06.780 It's the, it's really the gift of not getting those things and then getting them in little

01:56:11.960 increments from other people, you know, from people that care enough to support you, to

01:56:17.500 believe in you, to like you.

01:56:19.060 It's like you slowly get little bitty drops of all of that that you needed long ago.

01:56:23.440 You get it from people.

01:56:24.680 It's pretty amazing.

01:56:26.280 Yeah.

01:56:26.440 It's funny because I always thought for so long, man, how do I change this past?

01:56:29.540 It's just so impossible.

01:56:30.720 Right.

01:56:30.960 So all I can really do is just move forward with what I have and be grateful for it.

01:56:35.760 Yep.

01:56:36.580 Tony Hitchcliffe, man.

01:56:38.020 Hell yeah.

01:56:38.500 Dude, thanks so much, bro.

01:56:39.640 Thank you.

01:56:40.060 This was so much fun.

01:56:41.180 Yeah.

01:56:41.440 Cause I, you know, we've known each other for a long time, but I have never really gotten

01:56:44.360 to really just sit and kind of learn about you and I appreciate it, man.

01:56:47.500 Heck yeah.

01:56:47.940 You know, I'm proud of you.

01:56:49.160 Thank you.

01:56:49.680 Yeah.

01:56:49.960 Likewise.

01:56:50.320 An honor to be on your show.

01:56:51.700 You're hilarious.

01:56:52.500 I'm excited to do more shows here tonight.

01:56:54.500 Yeah.

01:56:54.700 It's going to be fun, man.

01:56:55.820 Kill Tony.

01:56:56.440 If you guys haven't seen this, you really need to go and see it live.

01:57:00.220 If people love it online, it is a huge following on YouTube.

01:57:03.200 It's out every Tuesday, every Monday at eight, every Monday at eight central standard time.

01:57:08.200 Um, yeah, but it's always there on YouTube.

01:57:10.660 We've had some of our biggest shows lately.

01:57:13.060 We're like hitting a stride.

01:57:14.380 It's crazy to think that like this thing that I work on forever is better than ever, but

01:57:19.340 well, it's so pure.

01:57:21.100 That's the thing about it.

01:57:22.080 Yeah.

01:57:22.280 It's like, fuck, no wonder this isn't on television.

01:57:25.600 No one.

01:57:25.960 Cause that kid, they can't do that.

01:57:27.660 There's too much.

01:57:28.580 There's too many cooks in the kitchen.

01:57:31.440 There's too many knives and spoons in the bowl.

01:57:33.680 This is just a fucking dirty, real porridge, dude.

01:57:37.540 But you guys pull it off really well.

01:57:39.580 And there's enough like, uh, other production value that's there.

01:57:43.080 Even when you're there in person, it's like, there's moving cameras and there's things going

01:57:46.740 on.

01:57:47.120 And it just, man, it is, uh, it blew my mind when I went back, when I went back and did

01:57:52.200 it.

01:57:52.380 Um, it's a man, it really is.

01:57:55.160 It's as unique as something could be, man.

01:57:57.480 Well, we can't wait to have you back on.

01:57:59.560 I'd love to come back, man.

01:58:00.720 Tony Hinchcliffe.

01:58:01.320 Thanks, bro.

01:58:01.760 Ladies and gentlemen, I'm Jonathan Kite and welcome to Kite Club.

01:58:31.340 A podcast where I'll be sharing thoughts on things like current events, stand-up stories,

01:58:36.200 and seven ways to pleasure your partner.

01:58:39.100 The answer may shock you.

01:58:40.840 Sometimes I'll interview my friends.

01:58:42.900 Sometimes I won't.

01:58:43.760 And as always, I'll be joined by the voices in my head.

01:58:47.480 You have three new voice messages.

01:58:50.520 A lot of people are talking about Kite Club.

01:58:53.420 I've been talking about Kite Club for so long.

01:58:56.100 Longer than anybody else.

01:58:57.720 So great.

01:58:59.080 Hi.

01:58:59.740 Sweetie.

01:59:00.680 Here's the deal.

01:59:02.060 Anyone who doesn't listen to Kite Club is a dodgy bloody wanker.

01:59:06.020 Jermaine.

01:59:07.420 Hi.

01:59:08.160 I'll take a quarter pounder with cheese and a McFlurry.

01:59:11.100 Sorry, sir, but our ice cream machine is broken.

01:59:13.180 Oh, no.

01:59:15.440 I think Tom Hanks just butt-dialed me.

01:59:17.880 Anyway, first rule of Kite Club is, tell everyone about Kite Club.

01:59:22.040 Second rule of Kite Club is, tell everyone about Kite Club.

01:59:26.300 Third rule.

01:59:27.240 Like and subscribe wherever you listen to podcasts.

01:59:29.960 Or watch us on YouTube, yeah?

01:59:31.620 And yes, don't worry, my Brad Pitt impression will get better.

This Past Weekend with Theo Von - October 04, 2022

E411 Tony Hinchcliffe

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