This Past Weekend with Theo Von

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00:00:50.400 New tour dates to announce.

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00:01:35.280 That's tour.

00:01:35.840 Today's guest is a rare, he's a rare, he's a one-of-a-kind.

00:01:43.200 And he is.

00:01:44.040 People say that all the time about people, but they're, I, this, he is that.

00:01:50.760 He's a comedian.

00:01:51.660 He's a filmmaker.

00:01:52.900 He has a new special streaming on January 28th, live from Madison Square Garden.

00:01:59.180 You'll be able to watch the live stream of it.

00:02:01.380 We'll put that information below.

00:02:02.640 So, um, he's, I saw him, I saw him perform last night.

00:02:07.960 It was unreal.

00:02:08.800 Happy to have him here today.

00:02:10.140 Mr. Louis C.K.

00:02:11.740 Shine that light on me

00:02:15.820 I'll sit and tell you my stories

00:02:21.540 Shine on me

00:02:26.540 And I will find a song

00:02:30.740 I've been singing

00:02:31.920 I'm going to stay

00:02:32.800 I sweat more when it's cold, weirdly.

00:02:41.560 Yeah?

00:02:41.900 Yeah.

00:02:42.480 I get it clammy.

00:02:44.400 If I warm up, I sweat less.

00:02:47.900 Like at night.

00:02:48.700 Yeah.

00:02:50.020 We used to have a buddy.

00:02:51.260 I was sitting about sweating, but it made me think about reptiles.

00:02:53.680 I was at, uh, I used to work on this farm and we had a dude, after it would rain, he would go lay on the concrete up there.

00:02:59.560 He'd take his shirt off and go lay on the concrete.

00:03:01.540 Like a reptile kind of guy.

00:03:04.760 Because he felt good if he cools off.

00:03:07.000 That's like what dogs do.

00:03:07.980 They sit on the hearth, you know?

00:03:09.400 Oh, really?

00:03:09.880 Yeah.

00:03:10.160 You know, they sit somewhere.

00:03:11.040 They find a cool spot on the floor.

00:03:12.420 Yeah.

00:03:13.060 Yeah.

00:03:13.440 I think it just felt good on his skin.

00:03:14.780 After it would rain, he would take his shirt off.

00:03:17.140 This dude named Lance.

00:03:18.800 And, uh.

00:03:20.400 He was really in touch with what made him feel good.

00:03:22.500 That's a good thing.

00:03:23.760 Yeah.

00:03:24.320 That's a good point.

00:03:25.020 Yeah.

00:03:25.260 A lot of people won't do that.

00:03:27.280 But he's like, I know that feels good, so I'm going to do it.

00:03:30.580 Yeah.

00:03:31.160 That's all right.

00:03:32.360 Yeah.

00:03:32.580 It is kind of nice.

00:03:33.360 I think there's probably more stuff people would do in public if they were less probably like inhibited or whatever about it.

00:03:40.960 Oh, definitely.

00:03:41.500 I was, like, I was in a, um.

00:03:43.760 Can we move this a little closer on you, Lou?

00:03:45.040 Yeah, sure.

00:03:45.860 I was in a, I think, you know those places that are like, uh, it's like a chain restaurant, but it's a little better.

00:03:54.480 You know what I mean?

00:03:55.020 A little better?

00:03:56.740 Yeah, like, uh.

00:03:58.180 Like a, like.

00:03:58.960 Like BJ's or something.

00:04:00.240 Yeah, that kind of thing.

00:04:00.800 Yeah.

00:04:01.000 I forget what it was, but it was daytime and it was really dead in there in some, I don't know, Akron, Ohio or some horrible place.

00:04:07.920 And, um, and some big lady came in, you know, off the street.

00:04:13.580 And you could tell they were like, okay, like they, they have something where they just like, just let her come in.

00:04:19.500 You know what I mean?

00:04:20.080 Right.

00:04:20.420 Let her come in, let her smell everything.

00:04:21.940 Yeah.

00:04:22.180 Maybe they, she's got stopped at the door one day and it got.

00:04:25.420 You know what I mean?

00:04:26.040 But you could see her like, okay, you see, they went to the manager and he's like, it's okay.

00:04:29.240 It's okay.

00:04:29.740 It wasn't enough customers in there.

00:04:31.000 She came in and she just starts walking through the restaurant and she takes the creamers, you know, the, the, those metal tin creamers that are on the kind of places.

00:04:39.100 Uh-huh.

00:04:39.420 She starts drinking cream and then she leaves.

00:04:43.300 Ooh.

00:04:44.800 And I thought if I wasn't worried about how that looks, I might do that.

00:04:50.420 Yeah.

00:04:51.140 You know what I mean?

00:04:52.340 Yeah.

00:04:52.840 Like there's something about creamers.

00:04:54.360 It's like, as a kid, that's kind of magical.

00:04:56.300 That's nice cold cream.

00:04:57.940 Maybe she knows the time they just poured them.

00:04:59.500 So they're nice and cold.

00:05:00.420 But if you'd had no concern about.

00:05:03.340 Right.

00:05:04.240 You might walk by a restaurant and go, I bet they got some nice cold creamers and I'm going to have myself some.

00:05:08.700 Yeah.

00:05:09.200 That's true.

00:05:10.500 Yeah.

00:05:10.900 I can see that coming through and just kind of sniffing the cream, just having some.

00:05:14.880 Yeah.

00:05:15.300 Just being, I always want to like touch people on the back of their neck.

00:05:19.000 Yeah.

00:05:20.040 Wow.

00:05:20.460 That's an interesting one.

00:05:21.580 Because I feel like it's like the most kind of like, it's almost like a real parental place.

00:05:26.940 Oh yeah.

00:05:27.400 It's caring.

00:05:28.360 It's.

00:05:28.680 Yeah.

00:05:28.980 So you, you mean you're the parent?

00:05:31.720 I don't know.

00:05:32.460 I mean, maybe I would dress up in a suit or something, but I don't know if I would be like the parent, but I just, yeah.

00:05:39.240 Sometimes I want to do that.

00:05:40.360 Even when I'm just talking to people, I want to like, I almost feel like if I put my hand on the back of their neck, we would know more about each other or something.

00:05:48.020 You'd be close or you'd be an arm's length away.

00:05:50.520 Yeah.

00:05:50.840 When I was in school and middle school.

00:05:53.300 It's hard to escape that moment.

00:05:54.160 Yeah.

00:05:54.460 It's hard to escape it.

00:05:55.320 So then I think you're there with like the honesty of whatever's really going on.

00:06:00.040 Um, when I was in middle school, if you got in a fight, they made you stand in the hall all day and hug each other like this.

00:06:06.020 No shit.

00:06:07.020 Yeah.

00:06:08.380 Like, what do you mean?

00:06:09.160 Like hands on each other's shoulders?

00:06:10.360 Hands on each other's shoulders.

00:06:11.220 Like you're going to slow dance?

00:06:11.780 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:06:12.440 You and another dude?

00:06:13.440 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:06:14.480 And you're both going, this is bullshit.

00:06:16.160 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:06:16.620 But after, for how long?

00:06:17.940 Oh, probably, I think I was out there for four hours one time probably.

00:06:20.760 No shit.

00:06:21.840 Yeah, me and this kid Brad Castleman.

00:06:23.400 And did you have like blood on you from the fight still?

00:06:25.760 Yeah, still pretty dirtied up.

00:06:27.080 I mean, I will, yeah, he got the best of me.

00:06:30.440 But yeah, we were out there and the kids would come through during the, like, and you try to be kind of cool.

00:06:34.900 Like, while it was, like, while it was in class, you would try to, like, just, like, be, like, you would kind of relax and be cool with each other.

00:06:44.260 And then when the kids with the bell would ring and they would switch classes, you'd be like, this is fucking gay, dude.

00:06:48.860 Right.

00:06:49.320 You know, you would, like.

00:06:50.340 But then you're alone out there during class time.

00:06:52.460 Yeah.

00:06:52.820 So you'd have to get to know each other.

00:06:54.260 So you really would talk probably, right?

00:06:56.020 Yeah.

00:06:56.200 I mean, there'd be, like, a period of just like, man, fuck this, fuck you, man.

00:06:59.980 Yeah.

00:07:00.280 But then you start going, so what do you?

00:07:03.180 Like, what are you doing after school?

00:07:06.140 Or where are you, you know, is your, do you have sisters?

00:07:09.500 Right.

00:07:10.460 Yeah.

00:07:10.820 You start talking.

00:07:11.560 Oh, yeah, you get into it.

00:07:12.160 And then he became a friend.

00:07:13.220 So I like that.

00:07:14.660 I think, yeah, there's something about that.

00:07:16.380 That's a really smart idea.

00:07:17.380 The only, that pose of hands on shoulders, it reminds me of when I was, I mean, that was middle school.

00:07:24.600 So this was fifth, sixth grade.

00:07:27.420 Kids, boys and girls started saying they want to be boyfriend and girlfriend.

00:07:31.560 You know, they started to be that thing.

00:07:33.900 And it was only the cool kids that could do that.

00:07:36.260 Oh, yeah.

00:07:36.360 Like, anybody that was below, you know, in the nerdy or just not popular.

00:07:39.860 Anybody with glasses on was out.

00:07:41.320 Oh, no, you had no currency.

00:07:43.320 Yeah.

00:07:43.820 But all the cool kids got to hook up.

00:07:46.140 Yeah.

00:07:46.480 And so they would be like Mike McDougal and Samantha, Amanda Stebbins, these real people, are going to kiss.

00:07:54.680 And they did it as a tribe, too.

00:07:57.080 You didn't just walk up to girls.

00:07:58.320 Like, I walked up to girls and said, you want to be my girlfriend?

00:08:01.060 They're like, flag of the play, buddy.

00:08:03.240 That's not how it's done.

00:08:05.200 That's like somebody coming off the sidelines and just getting in the play.

00:08:07.880 Like, hey, give me the.

00:08:08.880 Get the fuck out of here.

00:08:09.960 It's like somebody coming and just sipping your cream.

00:08:11.520 No, yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:08:13.280 So you had to.

00:08:14.300 It would be like they'd decide as a tribe, Mike and Amanda are going to be a couple.

00:08:18.780 Yeah.

00:08:19.260 So Amanda's friends would push her and Mike's would push him.

00:08:23.540 And they'd have to go to some place and kiss.

00:08:26.440 Like by the tree or something.

00:08:27.940 Yeah.

00:08:28.140 And they would stand like that with hands on shoulders, just that exact.

00:08:31.820 And they'd be like looking, like trying to look to the sides.

00:08:34.500 And everybody's going, come on.

00:08:35.600 And everyone's like, come on, Mike, you f*** it.

00:08:37.500 And like fucking screaming at him.

00:08:38.960 And he's like, Amanda, don't be a, you know, just whatever.

00:08:42.820 And then they'd kiss and everybody goes, oh.

00:08:44.920 And it was, that was it.

00:08:46.280 Queers.

00:08:46.680 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:08:47.260 They're both queers somehow.

00:08:49.520 And one of them's stepdad was there, too.

00:08:51.460 Like, what is that dude doing here?

00:08:52.340 Yeah, yeah.

00:08:53.140 Come on, Mike.

00:08:54.040 But, but it's a similar thing of kids, two young people trying to, your teacher, I never

00:09:01.480 heard that, that your school must have, that's a really creative and interesting.

00:09:05.840 I thought it was, it was one, and me and that, me and that guy are still friends.

00:09:09.160 I just saw him a couple weeks ago.

00:09:11.000 And I thought, but I.

00:09:12.020 You still do that thing just to talk sometimes?

00:09:13.940 You should have.

00:09:14.900 Just once in a while.

00:09:16.800 It should be a regular thing.

00:09:18.280 One shining moment.

00:09:19.700 Yeah.

00:09:20.100 Just sing a little.

00:09:21.140 Yeah.

00:09:21.400 It almost reminds me of Lord of the Flies, what you're talking about, because it really

00:09:26.380 was.

00:09:26.760 I never thought about it like that.

00:09:27.800 Like, the whole tribe kind of had to agree that Scott and Jessica were going to kiss.

00:09:32.280 That's right.

00:09:32.760 And then, like, if you were, like, a little bitch that was standing there and kind of,

00:09:36.700 like, just, like, watching.

00:09:38.340 Like, some people were right up there, like, you know, nudging him in, but some people were

00:09:41.020 in the back just yelling shit, you know?

00:09:42.900 No, things were very tribal, medieval.

00:09:48.560 There's microcosms there at those ages.

00:09:51.400 Oh, yeah.

00:09:52.080 Like, I had a friend who was very popular, but he had me, like, as a side bitch in some

00:09:58.220 weird way.

00:09:58.680 Like, I was his friend, but I didn't get to hang out with him in the, like, we lived close

00:10:02.520 to each other.

00:10:03.040 He lived two houses down from me.

00:10:04.600 So he would hang out with me, just me and him.

00:10:07.460 But when he was out with his boys, like, I just wasn't invited.

00:10:10.380 It was a weird thing.

00:10:12.040 But one time I was playing basketball with him and some guy from his group came over

00:10:16.840 and, because he was kind of a leader, and he was telling this guy why he's out.

00:10:23.420 And I hadn't seen that before.

00:10:25.120 Like, I was just, I just sat and listened.

00:10:27.200 And he was, like, saying, he was like, hey, man, why are you mad at me?

00:10:30.300 Everybody's saying you're mad at me.

00:10:31.160 Nobody talks to me anymore, this other guy.

00:10:33.660 Like, why is nobody talking to me?

00:10:35.380 And he said, cuz, you're just, you changed, and you're not, you're not cool anymore.

00:10:40.520 And he's like, what do you mean I changed?

00:10:41.720 I'm just being myself.

00:10:42.820 And he's like, and he wouldn't give him the information.

00:10:45.100 Like, he hadn't done anything.

00:10:47.380 He's just like, you're just out, man.

00:10:48.880 You're just not, it's not, you know, you should look into yourself and decide.

00:10:53.480 Wow.

00:10:53.920 What did you do?

00:10:55.160 You think about it.

00:10:56.180 It's not for me to tell you.

00:10:57.300 And the poor kid was, like, crushed, because this was, he was part of this group.

00:11:01.820 And he was out after that.

00:11:03.060 And you'd never seen him be in that kind of situation.

00:11:04.980 I'd never seen that.

00:11:05.940 I was fascinated by it.

00:11:07.700 Yeah.

00:11:08.160 And he also did it openly in front of me, because I just didn't count, you know?

00:11:12.600 Right.

00:11:13.720 He's like, this is some fly on the wall.

00:11:15.200 This guy will never, yeah.

00:11:16.280 But we were, like, ten.

00:11:17.360 Everybody was ten in the story.

00:11:19.180 I was like, where the fuck did he get this sophisticated, kind of, like, Dick Cheney, kind of, like, you know, you're out, you're out, you know, fucking.

00:11:29.120 And, like, your message, yeah, it's Louis C.

00:11:31.060 It doesn't even matter.

00:11:31.980 Get yourself buried.

00:11:33.060 Yeah, I didn't know it was.

00:11:34.020 It didn't matter.

00:11:34.300 He'll never make it to the Capitol to tell anyone.

00:11:36.460 No, I was a servant.

00:11:37.360 Yeah, I'm like the guy who got shot in the face.

00:11:39.060 Yeah.

00:11:40.460 Dude, I remember, oh, what were you just talking about?

00:11:44.700 Oh, you were talking about friends.

00:11:46.620 Middle school.

00:11:47.740 Oh, yeah.

00:11:49.020 Yeah, it's crazy when you look at a ten-year-old, it looks like they're doing nothing, kind of, like, they're dumb and their necks getting longer.

00:11:53.720 But then it's like you look at you, like, but then, like, you hear a story like that and you're like, yeah, they have this whole cosmic universe that's going on.

00:12:02.880 Well, yeah, because we don't see it.

00:12:03.960 When you see kids, they kind of look just frozen-faced.

00:12:06.540 Because when an adult walks in the room, like in Lord of the Flies, did you ever see the movie?

00:12:12.120 Oh, yeah, I did.

00:12:13.080 Well, it ends with just, like, this boot, this adult boot in the foreground.

00:12:17.140 Oh, yeah.

00:12:17.600 It just stops all the madness.

00:12:20.640 Shut it down.

00:12:21.680 Yeah.

00:12:22.160 Yeah.

00:12:22.500 But, yeah, you're right.

00:12:23.420 In their own world, they're, you know.

00:12:25.860 It's so wild to think about that.

00:12:28.280 Because, yeah, I really get infatuated with those kind of times, man.

00:12:31.820 Like, I love that kind of stuff.

00:12:35.000 I loved growing up.

00:12:35.900 I loved, like, the mystery of all of it.

00:12:38.720 Like, how everything was so crazy.

00:12:40.560 And it was just, and the things you could do, man.

00:12:44.460 We used to, like, I remember the first time I ever touched a girl's breast, right?

00:12:49.240 They had this girl, they had this dude in our neighborhood.

00:12:51.940 He was Elvis impersonator, right?

00:12:54.260 And, um.

00:12:55.100 Like, on stage or just in life?

00:13:00.900 I would say a little more life.

00:13:02.300 Yeah?

00:13:02.900 I mean, he walked around dressed like Elvis.

00:13:04.760 Yeah.

00:13:05.380 Okay.

00:13:06.060 He walked around.

00:13:06.660 I mean, he did as good as he could to get, you know, to be there, you know.

00:13:12.180 And, uh.

00:13:13.220 And anyway, yeah.

00:13:14.060 He, but he had, well, something happened to him.

00:13:15.640 He got hit by.

00:13:17.600 He'd broken a leg or something.

00:13:19.280 And they set it, like, in a.

00:13:20.760 They got it set just.

00:13:22.080 He got it set locally, basically.

00:13:23.560 Had it, like, somebody do it.

00:13:25.160 So, when it broke again, he had, like, a.

00:13:28.420 He had a natural Elvis.

00:13:30.400 So, he was halfway to Elvis right there.

00:13:32.140 So, he started with that, and then he was like, hey, man, thank you very much.

00:13:35.840 Like, he just started getting into it.

00:13:37.720 Yeah, he was just a nice guy that would say thank you.

00:13:39.040 I don't think even Elvis got started like that.

00:13:41.700 So, at least he could say it was grassroots.

00:13:43.720 Right.

00:13:44.160 So.

00:13:44.580 Or maybe he had a moment in the mirror where he's like this, and he goes, I could either

00:13:47.620 walk around like this, or I could put.

00:13:49.740 Maybe it was a way to save it, you know?

00:13:51.740 Yeah, I think it probably saved him some face, because he was probably very embarrassed.

00:13:54.780 So, anyway.

00:13:56.840 His daughter, his kids, he made him stay in the yard, right?

00:13:59.760 And he had an electric fence on their yard.

00:14:01.320 And they were Pentecostals.

00:14:03.780 And one of the girls let me touch her breasts through that fucking fence, dude.

00:14:08.620 Oh.

00:14:09.080 And she wore a mother's nightgown, I remember.

00:14:11.340 She wore, like, an adult woman's.

00:14:14.260 Wait a minute.

00:14:14.620 I missed the connection.

00:14:15.540 Who is she to the Elvis?

00:14:16.860 Daughter.

00:14:17.740 Okay.

00:14:19.480 And how old were you?

00:14:20.780 I was probably 10 or maybe 11.

00:14:23.580 And she was what?

00:14:25.180 I don't know.

00:14:26.260 40?

00:14:26.840 I don't know.

00:14:27.500 I mean, in my mind, she was an adult.

00:14:29.980 She had a little, it wasn't even a tit, really.

00:14:31.400 Anyone with tits was 100 years old.

00:14:32.440 It wasn't even a tit.

00:14:33.100 It was like a kid's breast.

00:14:34.160 I mean, it was a, not a kid's breast.

00:14:35.760 It was a swell.

00:14:36.800 Yes.

00:14:37.300 Well, you were a kid.

00:14:38.080 You can't be a child molester when you're a child.

00:14:40.020 Thank you.

00:14:40.700 You're welcome.

00:14:41.480 Thank you.

00:14:41.780 And I want to say that to everybody out there, too.

00:14:43.540 Yeah.

00:14:44.160 All you kids out there.

00:14:45.300 Yeah.

00:14:45.600 Yeah.

00:14:45.740 You're not pedophiles.

00:14:47.040 Yeah.

00:14:47.300 But, oh, I remember still, dude, there was just so much fear reaching through that.

00:14:52.200 Oh, yeah.

00:14:52.800 The electricity.

00:14:53.780 So was it a chain link fence?

00:14:55.720 No, it was like a wire.

00:14:58.020 And it's not a barbed wire.

00:14:59.720 Pull up an electric fence, Zachary, if you don't mind.

00:15:01.860 Well, yeah.

00:15:02.420 It's like on wood, right?

00:15:03.800 They're like, it's like, it's just a cord.

00:15:06.600 Yes.

00:15:07.360 It's like a very.

00:15:08.140 Oh, so you reached your hand through the fence.

00:15:10.700 Yeah.

00:15:11.300 Yeah.

00:15:11.520 Okay.

00:15:12.020 There you go.

00:15:12.540 So there was plenty.

00:15:13.680 It wasn't like you were touching fence.

00:15:15.620 No, but it was so.

00:15:16.640 So she came up to the fence.

00:15:18.340 Yeah.

00:15:19.020 Wearing her mother's nightgown.

00:15:21.380 I swear to God, it was a, yes, it was an adult.

00:15:24.820 To me, it seemed maybe so adult also, too.

00:15:27.160 I just want a little context.

00:15:28.820 Okay.

00:15:29.120 Like before and after.

00:15:30.620 Yeah.

00:15:30.760 Because when I'm picturing with this, this picture that you're showing of like this fence

00:15:34.120 in a field, which is where electric fences are usually in a desolate place.

00:15:38.880 Right.

00:15:39.140 This was un-desolate.

00:15:40.040 I'm just picturing this girl with like wind flapping around this thing.

00:15:43.860 And then you just come and then you just do this.

00:15:47.380 This was like.

00:15:48.340 Like it's the way you get, you know, like it's scanning your hand so you can get into

00:15:51.440 the chamber.

00:15:54.380 But.

00:15:54.820 I mean, I was in a way.

00:15:55.740 But was it like, did you make a plan or did you see her across, did you see her across

00:15:59.300 the fence and go, hi, Becky?

00:16:00.820 And then you came to talk and then she said, would you like to touch my breast?

00:16:04.400 Was it like that?

00:16:05.220 I knew she liked me.

00:16:06.800 Okay.

00:16:07.240 I knew that they couldn't get out.

00:16:08.620 Like their dad did not let, like they didn't have a babysitter.

00:16:11.100 So they would just lock the gate or whatever.

00:16:12.980 Right.

00:16:13.380 This is the kind of those times.

00:16:14.900 Yeah.

00:16:15.300 And so.

00:16:16.460 Those times for some people.

00:16:17.900 Oh yeah.

00:16:18.360 I don't know.

00:16:18.780 I mean, it was like, yeah.

00:16:20.620 In our area.

00:16:21.320 I think if you had a gate, that was your step.

00:16:23.620 That was like your dad.

00:16:24.500 Okay.

00:16:24.900 You know, for a lot of people.

00:16:26.180 Latchkey kid.

00:16:26.860 Yeah.

00:16:27.180 Just like that.

00:16:27.940 Yeah.

00:16:28.140 So, but I remember, yeah, I got close and just, yeah, she knew I liked her and I guess

00:16:33.820 I think she'd been a little bit, somebody had, she had dated.

00:16:37.580 I think she'd been on a date.

00:16:38.820 Okay.

00:16:39.520 So she had maybe a little more, you know, I felt like she had the experience.

00:16:42.540 At that age, there was that thing where some of us had done it and some of us hadn't.

00:16:46.340 Yeah.

00:16:47.240 Oh, and it was such a, oh, when we heard that there was a summer where somebody like, you

00:16:52.940 got a boner or like got a sex on a pool toy or something.

00:16:57.300 Holy fuck.

00:16:57.820 And people were losing their shit.

00:16:59.560 Yeah.

00:16:59.800 The kid who got rejected by my friend, he went, he got, went rogue, you know, he became

00:17:07.660 like a bit of a nut.

00:17:10.900 So then when we were all in middle school or about to be in middle school, he started

00:17:16.180 doing some drugs and stuff and he would, at Halloween, I remember, he would wait till

00:17:21.960 the end of the night and fucking take kids candy.

00:17:24.960 Like he would take full sacks.

00:17:26.680 He would just walk up to kids and just grab and get the fuck away from me.

00:17:31.400 And he would just, and he didn't even like the candy.

00:17:34.140 He was really fucked up.

00:17:35.600 But I found him, I went, I sort of latched myself to him.

00:17:39.300 Like I went from that other friend.

00:17:40.280 And I'm like, this is the guy.

00:17:41.960 I mean, this is somebody worth knowing now.

00:17:44.900 But he was the first kid I knew who had like a shit ton of porn and stuff.

00:17:48.700 And so.

00:17:49.200 Yeah.

00:17:49.700 And he was the first person I talked about sex with.

00:17:53.340 And he was like, I want to, someday I got to fuck a woman.

00:17:57.160 So, you know.

00:17:57.800 So then I heard that he fucked a girl.

00:18:00.600 Oh, wow.

00:18:01.660 And I remember I saw him in a park and I'd heard that he fucked a girl.

00:18:06.840 And I ran to him.

00:18:08.620 Yes.

00:18:09.120 Yeah, yeah.

00:18:09.640 And I said, hey, man, I heard you fucked a girl.

00:18:12.600 Yeah.

00:18:13.100 And he said, calm down, man.

00:18:15.820 Ooh.

00:18:16.680 Calm down.

00:18:18.600 You don't know what the fuck you're talking about.

00:18:20.520 Just shut up.

00:18:21.260 And I realized he's on the other side of this line that I'm, I'm a child and he's a man.

00:18:26.320 Yeah.

00:18:26.820 And he wanted nothing to do with me anymore.

00:18:29.040 So.

00:18:29.420 Fuck.

00:18:30.460 Yeah, it was tough.

00:18:31.740 Yeah.

00:18:32.160 There's that line.

00:18:33.260 There's that like moment you cross over.

00:18:35.620 Yeah.

00:18:36.000 I remember finding some pornography in my brother's closet and, and I found some liquor at the same time.

00:18:42.560 Right.

00:18:42.880 And so I was having liquor and looking at pornography and I blacked out.

00:18:47.640 I couldn't handle it.

00:18:48.800 I fucking blacked out and fell off the shelving unit.

00:18:51.980 And it wasn't from the liquor.

00:18:53.580 Maybe you just couldn't, you just overloaded.

00:18:56.000 Yeah.

00:18:56.320 I'd had two, I'd had two sips of it.

00:18:57.820 It was peach, but I don't think it was anything I couldn't handle.

00:19:01.200 Yeah.

00:19:01.620 It was too much at the beginning.

00:19:03.380 Oh, there was so much.

00:19:04.400 I remember the first girl that I had a specific sexual feeling about was this girl in junior high school.

00:19:11.760 We called it junior high school where I grew up.

00:19:13.740 Yeah.

00:19:13.940 Yeah.

00:19:14.180 And, uh, she, I had this fantasy about her.

00:19:17.840 I would lay in my bed.

00:19:19.380 This before I did anything to myself or anything, I just lay in bed and think about her.

00:19:23.380 Oh yeah.

00:19:23.940 And I would picture her, she wore this cause I always saw her at gym class and it was this

00:19:27.460 yellow t-shirt and a, and blue shorts was the uniform, we were uniform at gym.

00:19:33.220 Oh wow.

00:19:33.780 And, uh, and I just would picture her just lifting her t-shirt just a little bit and that

00:19:39.320 was, and I go, stop there.

00:19:40.740 Like I don't, I would tell myself, don't ever in your life think past that point.

00:19:46.640 It's all past that is not okay.

00:19:49.440 Wow.

00:19:49.840 And I stayed there for a long time.

00:19:52.800 Did you, um, oh, I remember at summer camp, they had this cute girl, right?

00:19:57.380 I think she was cute.

00:19:58.160 I don't know.

00:19:58.520 She was a female and she would let us come over and look.

00:20:03.860 She had like this kind of boyfriend that liked her and we're all kind of jealous, this other

00:20:06.900 camp counselor.

00:20:07.820 Yeah.

00:20:07.980 And sometimes she would let us come over and look down her shirt and he would sit there

00:20:12.400 right by kind of like, Oh, a little bit of a cuck thing, a little like monitoring, like

00:20:16.240 you're allowed to come in and see what's in the shop, you know?

00:20:18.800 Whoa.

00:20:19.360 It was, he was a counselor.

00:20:20.720 Yeah.

00:20:21.240 Were you a counselor?

00:20:22.220 Were they all counselors?

00:20:23.020 I was a kid.

00:20:24.240 Wait a minute.

00:20:24.780 So he was a counselor.

00:20:25.840 Was she a counselor?

00:20:26.620 She was a counselor.

00:20:27.200 Yeah.

00:20:27.340 Oh yeah.

00:20:27.780 She was a counselor.

00:20:29.380 Yeah.

00:20:29.860 Also it was like, we're going to let the boys look at her tits.

00:20:32.780 Yeah.

00:20:33.100 I think it was just, I don't know if it might've been raining out or something.

00:20:35.340 There wasn't like anything planned or whatever, but they,

00:20:37.300 I remember they, that we got to go over and like, and one kid, I remember this crazy dude.

00:20:45.060 Yeah.

00:20:45.520 This black kid tried to put his hand in the shirt.

00:20:47.580 Oh really?

00:20:48.240 Yeah.

00:20:48.720 What'd they do?

00:20:49.640 What'd the guy do?

00:20:50.320 No, the guy kind of shut him down.

00:20:51.780 Okay.

00:20:52.020 That's what he was there for.

00:20:53.100 And then, yeah.

00:20:53.820 And I was like, Oh, this kid knows more than I do.

00:20:56.080 Right.

00:20:56.280 Cause I was like, I went up hands behind my back.

00:20:59.040 Like I was so.

00:20:59.720 Oh you did?

00:21:00.440 Oh man.

00:21:01.020 I was like, cause I feel like if my hands, I can't control my hands around a tit.

00:21:05.720 So I got to put them back there.

00:21:08.460 That's enough control.

00:21:09.500 It just gave me a little bit of leeway where if I felt them coming across my hips, walk

00:21:14.320 away.

00:21:14.700 Yeah.

00:21:14.940 Yeah.

00:21:15.140 Yeah.

00:21:15.540 I get it.

00:21:17.120 I'm, I'd like to imagine the conversation between those two counselors, you know, what

00:21:21.900 are we going to do today?

00:21:23.100 Checkers?

00:21:23.540 What are we going to do as rain?

00:21:24.560 And then she's like, how about we let them see my tits?

00:21:27.140 And he's like, well, I don't know.

00:21:28.480 I'll be okay.

00:21:28.980 If I'm in the room, I think that's okay.

00:21:30.300 Yeah.

00:21:31.740 That's wild.

00:21:33.060 Yeah.

00:21:33.440 It was just, but it's a crazy house, how like moments were so, I don't know.

00:21:38.580 There was nothing stronger in the world to me than some of those moments of being in

00:21:42.180 a child, especially when like sexualization came into things.

00:21:45.400 It was just a giant, I mean, I was first, I had a really slow build cause I wasn't like

00:21:51.700 in the popular group.

00:21:52.940 So I didn't kiss a girl in middle school once.

00:21:57.680 I didn't kiss a girl till high school, till sophomore year in high school.

00:22:02.680 That's kind of normal, I think.

00:22:03.740 I guess maybe it is.

00:22:04.760 Yeah.

00:22:05.240 But you had the good looking friend that would kiss girls.

00:22:07.700 Oh yeah.

00:22:08.300 There was a couple.

00:22:08.920 I remember this guy, Mike, walking with him once from school.

00:22:14.360 We could, we could leave, go out for lunch and stuff at our high school.

00:22:17.260 And he was, he took his shirt off his summer.

00:22:19.740 So he was just walking in, in shorts or something.

00:22:22.140 And girls were catcalling him.

00:22:23.860 And I had never, I'd never heard of that, of girls that were going, oh, Mike, you know,

00:22:28.980 come on, baby, give it to me.

00:22:30.460 And he'd go like, no, no, not for you.

00:22:32.420 He was like kind of coy.

00:22:33.600 Yeah.

00:22:33.880 And I never knew that girls like lusted after guys.

00:22:37.600 I just thought it's guys want sex and women, you know, girls let you when they give you,

00:22:42.540 when they want to let you for some other reason or something like that.

00:22:45.520 Yeah.

00:22:45.820 Because I hadn't, still hadn't done anything.

00:22:47.280 And then when I was a sophomore, I met a girl, I think, well, there was a girl that

00:22:54.280 I went on a date with who I just fell in love with.

00:22:57.600 Oh, yeah.

00:22:57.700 And we kissed and we fell in love.

00:22:59.360 And then she lost interest immediately.

00:23:01.240 So she, I got heartbroken right away.

00:23:03.840 But we only ever kissed.

00:23:05.580 But this girl, Becky, was the first girl that she was like, let me touch her tits.

00:23:08.840 Oh.

00:23:09.120 Let me put my hand in her jeans.

00:23:10.900 Whoa.

00:23:11.420 It was like all at once with Becky.

00:23:13.120 Just those two.

00:23:14.880 Because the early things are all things you do for them.

00:23:17.940 I mean, the idea they're going to touch your dick is like, that's.

00:23:21.080 Oh, that was crazy.

00:23:22.020 Never going to happen.

00:23:23.080 No.

00:23:23.640 First, the first like three bases are all shit you do for them, really.

00:23:27.380 Yeah.

00:23:27.660 And my dick, my penis hurt so much.

00:23:30.320 I've been touching it so much.

00:23:31.360 It was always in pain.

00:23:32.460 I felt like.

00:23:33.480 Yeah.

00:23:34.480 I was like.

00:23:35.060 Fucking self-abuse.

00:23:35.920 Oh, dude.

00:23:37.240 Too much.

00:23:38.220 Yeah.

00:23:38.400 Like if I owned, if I treated anything as bad as I treated my penis, it would be unbelievable.

00:23:42.940 Imagine you get a little guy around and you just beat him on the back all the time until

00:23:45.940 he spit up.

00:23:47.860 And it feels really good.

00:23:49.900 When he spits, you're like, yeah.

00:23:52.640 It would be hard not to beat the shit out of that kid every day.

00:23:55.540 Every day.

00:23:56.160 I would hire other people to come beat him.

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00:26:51.300 Yeah, no, it really is crazy that I feel for little boys because it's like, you're a

00:26:57.980 boy.

00:26:58.380 You don't know how to handle yourself.

00:26:59.720 You don't know how to keep your room clean.

00:27:02.720 You know, little boys just, they smell, they don't, they don't, they're animals.

00:27:06.900 Yeah.

00:27:07.540 And then you learn that there's this thing that makes you calm.

00:27:10.460 It's like, forget it.

00:27:11.480 You'll rip it off.

00:27:13.780 You'll rip it straight off your body.

00:27:15.580 Like you get as close as you can.

00:27:17.500 Oh, yeah.

00:27:18.220 No, you get to the point where like, I can't do it anymore.

00:27:21.000 Like I need like a week off because it stings.

00:27:25.200 I can't get, yeah.

00:27:26.640 Oh, I want to rip it off and throw it back to Africa sometimes.

00:27:31.200 Like that's really how I feel, man.

00:27:33.580 Sure.

00:27:34.500 And somebody over there, they'll make a fucking soup out of it.

00:27:36.600 You know what I'm saying?

00:27:36.940 They don't even, it's like.

00:27:37.640 That's what they'll do?

00:27:38.400 Or I think.

00:27:38.860 They just wait for white dicks to land.

00:27:40.800 There's another one.

00:27:41.880 There's another kid who couldn't take it.

00:27:43.360 And they make a soup.

00:27:45.420 Throw it back to the motherland.

00:27:47.580 Yeah.

00:27:47.900 I love stuff like that, man.

00:27:49.320 Those feelings, all that stuff.

00:27:51.200 Did you have like a role model telling you about sex or anything growing up?

00:27:57.600 No.

00:27:58.660 I had friends and all of us.

00:28:01.600 I remember when we, my friends and I first started, like the group of friends that I had would talk about sex.

00:28:09.200 And the one, and we're like telling each other how it works.

00:28:13.840 And one kid said, well, you put your penis in her vagina and you just, and you, and you come.

00:28:20.100 He said that you come, one of your balls comes out when you come.

00:28:23.100 Oh.

00:28:24.280 And it really hurts.

00:28:26.200 Oh, yeah.

00:28:27.200 And I said, and we had had sex ed in school.

00:28:30.240 I said, I don't know if you guys paid attention, but that's not what happens.

00:28:34.360 I said, first of all, you go in and out.

00:28:36.400 And they, all my, all my friends were like, you fucking idiot.

00:28:38.920 No, you don't.

00:28:39.380 You just put it in.

00:28:40.480 You don't go in and out like somebody who's loitering at a Hardee's.

00:28:43.180 Yeah.

00:28:44.300 Yeah.

00:28:45.100 Like the door.

00:28:47.560 No, you, you just go, he's just like, you just leave it in there.

00:28:52.220 But no, my father taught me, my father is an odd guy.

00:28:56.840 And, uh, he sat me down and he said, uh, I think my mother told him you need to talk to him.

00:29:04.440 Oh, I had three older sisters.

00:29:06.420 I was the only boy.

00:29:07.780 So she said, you need to talk to him.

00:29:09.580 And what he told me was, he said, when you have sex with a woman, you need to make her desire you.

00:29:18.160 So you enter her.

00:29:20.880 He just skipped all the, like how it works.

00:29:22.720 He just said, you enter her a little bit.

00:29:25.260 You touch, just barely touch her.

00:29:27.440 And then you come out and you, and you withhold.

00:29:31.520 He was Mexican and he had a weird sort of traditional, he'd say, and then you, and then you make her beg and beg.

00:29:39.840 Oh.

00:29:40.100 And then you go in again and you go only a little bit and then you just come out again.

00:29:44.080 Wow.

00:29:44.320 And you, you keep withholding and until she can't stand it.

00:29:49.400 Wow.

00:29:49.580 And only then do you really penetrate her and she'll come like a rocket.

00:29:54.040 Like he was just, he taught me how to make a woman come.

00:29:55.940 He wasn't wrong.

00:29:57.080 Right.

00:29:57.580 He wasn't wrong.

00:29:58.780 But I think you need to tell a little kid some of the shit first before you get to like how to make a middle-aged woman come.

00:30:06.760 Yeah.

00:30:07.020 Yeah.

00:30:07.300 That's crazy.

00:30:07.800 You know what I mean?

00:30:08.120 Yeah.

00:30:08.740 But that's what he was like.

00:30:09.960 He was very narcissistic and, you know.

00:30:12.380 Wow.

00:30:12.780 Yeah, I, um.

00:30:14.420 Did you, who taught you about sex?

00:30:16.100 I mean, did you ever, I'm asking the same question, a mentor?

00:30:18.980 Yeah, thanks for asking, man.

00:30:20.140 My dad, well, my dad was 70 when I was born, so my dad was an older guy.

00:30:23.280 Yeah, yeah.

00:30:23.800 And so he, um, he would always tell me he had dated chicks, grandmothers that were like in my class and stuff like that.

00:30:30.940 And he would show me like poems that he had written and they were like on paper that was like disintegrating.

00:30:36.440 Like it was like, it was.

00:30:38.880 Also, he was teaching you about romance.

00:30:40.760 Yeah, my dad was more of a romancer.

00:30:42.340 That's nice.

00:30:43.540 So he was teaching me about romance, but nothing about sex.

00:30:47.360 One time I saw him, he, I think he had cancer or something, but he was walking down the hall and like, I thought he was going to have, like, he had a new girlfriend.

00:30:57.600 And we were at her house.

00:30:59.320 She had a nice house.

00:31:00.480 And she made all this like beef brisket or whatever.

00:31:03.060 I'd never even seen it.

00:31:04.280 You know, blew my fucking mind.

00:31:05.760 Yeah.

00:31:06.000 Oh, just what, what your, were your parents married?

00:31:09.760 They were married till I was seven and then they got divorced.

00:31:12.240 And did he have kids before with other women?

00:31:14.580 Yeah.

00:31:15.440 Okay.

00:31:15.840 He had three other children.

00:31:17.200 Okay.

00:31:17.460 So he's now, so now you're how old?

00:31:20.180 I'm maybe at this point, I was probably 12.

00:31:23.420 And you saw him somewhere and he had another girlfriend.

00:31:26.420 Yeah.

00:31:27.360 And she let her stay at her house.

00:31:28.620 You only ever had bologna and cola cuts or something.

00:31:31.020 Oh, I'd never had brisket.

00:31:32.120 No, of course not.

00:31:33.360 I mean, I was, yeah, I'd never even, I'd never even couldn't imagine it.

00:31:38.380 And then, um, I, he was walking down the hall and I thought he was going to like have sex with us at nighttime and I would sleep on their living room, on the living room couch.

00:31:47.060 And then he literally, uh, he was sick and he defecated all over himself.

00:31:54.200 And it was like one of the scariest and craziest things that ever happened because I remember watching him and thinking, wow, my dad's going to, uh, like be with this lady, you know, and she was like wealthy and I don't even know why she even liked us, but she did.

00:32:09.560 And then he was sick, you know, and then I was so afraid to try to go to help or anything because he was like, he had cancer and he was getting real sick.

00:32:18.760 I didn't know, but it was a, that way, anyway, that story took kind of a weird turn, but.

00:32:24.200 Yeah, it did.

00:32:24.920 That's just life, you know?

00:32:25.940 But, yeah.

00:32:26.900 It was like a moment where there was just a lot of life at once.

00:32:29.020 But so, uh, one interesting way you put it is you say, what, she didn't know why she liked us.

00:32:34.520 So you and your dad were like a unit, you were like a team.

00:32:37.100 Like, so did, when he left, when your mom, when your mom and him divorced, you went with dad?

00:32:42.020 No, I stayed with my mom, but I always felt like my dad was just more loving.

00:32:45.660 Yeah.

00:32:46.080 My mom has like kind of like an emotional kind of autism.

00:32:48.300 Like she can't show you affection kind of.

00:32:50.540 That's hard, yeah.

00:32:51.560 And, um.

00:32:52.120 So a lot of parents like that, it's hard.

00:32:53.620 Is there?

00:32:54.360 Yeah.

00:32:54.820 Yeah.

00:32:55.620 So it was just kind of like, but she's a hard worker and stuff.

00:32:58.940 But anyway, it was, uh, so then, and I was kind of infatuated by my dad because nothing

00:33:03.860 he did, he was older, so everything was off a little.

00:33:06.800 It didn't make sense.

00:33:07.740 Um, and it was kind of, I think it was more fascinating, you know, being around him.

00:33:12.880 Yeah.

00:33:13.200 I felt that way about my dad a little bit because he wasn't like any of my friends' dads.

00:33:17.120 He was a strange guy.

00:33:18.120 He was a Mexican and, um.

00:33:20.500 Did he look Mexican?

00:33:21.080 Yeah, a little bit like a European Mexican, you know.

00:33:24.340 Yeah.

00:33:24.520 There's a lot of different kinds of Mexicans.

00:33:26.700 Um, I lived there until I was about seven.

00:33:28.560 Oh, nice.

00:33:29.080 Um, but, uh, but yeah, he was weird.

00:33:32.440 So I kind of like, I was fascinated by him, but I, he didn't show much interest.

00:33:37.580 He, I, I just remember him always looking at his eye level, like he didn't look down

00:33:41.100 at me much.

00:33:41.880 I just always looked up at his face and he was looking that way.

00:33:45.680 Wow.

00:33:46.520 What does that do to you?

00:33:47.720 Well, it's, uh, hard, but I feel more bad for him because he didn't, he was alone up

00:33:54.860 there.

00:33:55.060 I didn't think about that.

00:33:56.200 I do now because he's, you know, very, very old and in a chair like this and he's alone.

00:34:03.260 No, we don't, we don't go see him much.

00:34:05.100 Me and my sisters.

00:34:06.140 Yeah.

00:34:06.540 And my mom, I mean, when she was, she died and in her last year of life when she was,

00:34:12.060 you know, we were like there and kept her in our houses and kept, took care of her until

00:34:16.760 the last second she had us all around her.

00:34:19.620 Never alone.

00:34:20.500 Cause she was just was a loving person and she, you know, you wanted to be with her.

00:34:25.060 Oh, wow.

00:34:25.700 But my dad was all fucked up in his own head and he was, you know, I mean, narcissism is

00:34:30.360 like a, it's a sickness and it's isolating and it's very sad.

00:34:34.360 You know, I feel bad for him now.

00:34:35.820 I'm able to feel bad for him because he was, um, it was painful to be his kid, you know,

00:34:41.060 physically and mentally.

00:34:42.460 So, um, but I'm past that 55 years.

00:34:47.140 It takes a long time to, you know,

00:34:48.500 Were you surprised how long it took to get past that kind of stuff?

00:34:51.240 Cause I find it's interesting.

00:34:52.460 A lot of our audience is like kind of guys that kind of like are still figuring things

00:34:55.780 out.

00:34:55.920 It's kind of like a lot of late bloomers.

00:34:57.300 Yeah.

00:34:57.860 I think it, and no judgment to any of the listeners, but, um, yeah, I think a lot of

00:35:03.320 young men are stuck in this time where it's like, yeah, we're fake.

00:35:07.640 It's almost like you're figuring your shit out, your parents shit out.

00:35:10.460 It's like, it's almost come to like this kind of like curve in the pipe where it's like,

00:35:14.380 we got to kind of figure this shit out in here.

00:35:16.360 Yeah.

00:35:16.640 I think that's right.

00:35:17.440 And I think, uh, it's hard.

00:35:19.800 I don't think you can rush it.

00:35:21.520 I don't think, I think it happens later because something comes loose.

00:35:25.400 It just does.

00:35:26.840 It's nothing you can figure out.

00:35:28.360 It's nothing where you can go.

00:35:29.640 Oh, I mean, you think about it once in a while.

00:35:31.700 Some, and also you spend a lot of life avoiding it.

00:35:33.800 Right.

00:35:34.100 So like my, when I was a young dad and stuff, I just pushed my dad away.

00:35:38.000 I just didn't want to think about him.

00:35:39.880 So I just decided he doesn't matter anymore for years.

00:35:43.480 And like when I was little, I remember he was spanking me once, which is now to me a

00:35:48.420 really odd thing as a man's hand spanking a fucking bare ass of a child, a little bony.

00:35:54.580 I can't fathom it now.

00:35:56.420 Yeah.

00:35:56.920 Put pants on that kid.

00:35:58.160 Yeah.

00:35:59.160 What are you doing?

00:36:00.420 It's really gay and weird and upsetting.

00:36:03.060 But I remember being spanked so fucking hard.

00:36:08.380 Like it was, it was like blackouts, but like I can't handle this.

00:36:11.420 And I remember thinking to myself, I think I was about nine.

00:36:15.400 I thought the day I get a wallet, like that was the magical thing.

00:36:19.680 The day I get a wallet with that money in it and cards and that set of keys.

00:36:26.320 The second I have that, I ain't never going to look at this person again in my life.

00:36:31.720 I'm getting away from this guy.

00:36:33.740 As soon as I have those, that's all you need.

00:36:36.760 So you had a lot, you were really, you were really, it really.

00:36:39.980 Yeah.

00:36:40.180 I really didn't like being around him.

00:36:41.640 And my mother divorced him when they were, when I was 10.

00:36:44.120 So then I had a lot of years just with mom where he was around and he would ask for attention

00:36:49.040 sometimes.

00:36:49.500 And I didn't, I wasn't afraid of him anymore, but I, but he made me uncomfortable.

00:36:54.220 I didn't like being around.

00:36:56.020 There's a lot of good things about my dad and I owe him a lot.

00:37:00.000 Yeah, totally.

00:37:01.040 You know, and he created you.

00:37:02.440 He did.

00:37:02.900 And he also devoted a lot of life to, you know, he was Mexican and he, his, our family in Mexico,

00:37:09.480 they do okay.

00:37:10.540 And they have some influence and they have, you know, he had a better life there, but

00:37:15.160 he moved to America.

00:37:16.240 It's sort of the opposite of most immigrants that he went from Mexico where he was pretty

00:37:20.820 well established to America where he had no tools to survive and where he didn't get

00:37:25.280 the culture, but he did it.

00:37:26.980 Cause my mom was the strong one in the family.

00:37:28.900 My mom worked really hard and she, she raised us and supported us.

00:37:32.800 So, uh, so he, he is picking my mom instead of somebody in Mexico and that's how I got

00:37:38.760 to be in the land of opportunity.

00:37:41.680 Yeah.

00:37:41.800 It's interesting.

00:37:42.400 Yeah.

00:37:42.800 It's interesting, man, how a lot of times it's our, a previous generation had to kind

00:37:48.080 of take an L and had to like really.

00:37:50.000 That's right.

00:37:50.800 So you could have it, you know, it's hard to imagine.

00:37:53.240 Imagine that in your own life.

00:37:54.720 I'm going to do something shitty.

00:37:56.360 Yeah.

00:37:57.040 Oh, I'm going to move to Toledo.

00:37:58.640 So my son.

00:37:59.280 Nah, fuck you kid.

00:38:00.720 Good luck.

00:38:01.640 I'm going to do something.

00:38:03.100 I'm going to go to Vegas and just keep trying to win.

00:38:05.400 Yeah.

00:38:05.760 I'd rather sell my ass on the internet.

00:38:07.600 Yeah.

00:38:07.980 Fuck that.

00:38:08.800 Take my chances.

00:38:09.880 But I, I, then I, so I went through years of like not wanting to think about him.

00:38:14.080 And then I, once in a while I would check in with him and see maybe we have something

00:38:17.580 and he'd feel the same and I got to want it.

00:38:19.920 And he didn't even seem interested sometimes.

00:38:21.760 And that was shitty.

00:38:23.260 Um, but then, and my mom meanwhile took care of him.

00:38:26.720 She, after they divorced, she kept, cause he was kind of a mess.

00:38:29.600 And I learned from that, from watching my mom do all the way to the end, you know, my

00:38:33.980 mom, when she was dying, she provided for him and stuff.

00:38:36.700 And I learned about her from that.

00:38:38.260 And I asked her about it.

00:38:39.660 I, cause, cause she had no reason to be with the guy anymore.

00:38:43.280 They had been divorced since I was 10.

00:38:44.600 And now, you know, this was a few years ago.

00:38:46.080 And she said, I want to send a message to him with, she was leaving him some money.

00:38:51.740 She said that he's, I want to send him a message that he's not alone in the world.

00:38:55.800 Now that I'm gone, somebody gives a shit about him.

00:39:00.240 And cause that's a, that's a promise she made him when she married him.

00:39:04.400 And even though they divorced, she's, she's still honored that promise, even though he didn't

00:39:08.860 stay to his side or whatever.

00:39:11.260 And so that helped me, like I was a, that was a, that was a, a role model for me, my

00:39:17.500 mom later in life.

00:39:19.020 And then after she died, I was about to say left, uh, my, after she'd left, after she'd

00:39:26.640 left me by ceasing to breathe.

00:39:29.600 Yeah.

00:39:29.740 That's great.

00:39:30.580 Yeah.

00:39:30.760 And some guys probably think that too.

00:39:32.280 Fuck you, mom.

00:39:33.500 I needed you, bitch.

00:39:35.860 After she died, my sister and I, who were, were at her, uh, a memorial that we had for

00:39:42.420 her and he came and neither of us had seen him for a long time.

00:39:45.140 And we were talking, we were standing in a room talking about, we, we should, uh, um,

00:39:49.540 where are we going to put him?

00:39:50.860 Cause so we don't have to be near him.

00:39:52.080 And then he walked up with a cane and we were both like, fuck, come here.

00:39:56.920 And we sat with them.

00:39:57.900 And then we had this interesting affection for him cause mom is gone.

00:40:01.400 And she would have wanted us to be good to him.

00:40:03.560 And he was so weak and he was so, and I just felt bad for him.

00:40:09.860 And I felt a tenderness for him.

00:40:11.480 So I go to see him once in a while in this place where he lives.

00:40:14.500 And the last time I saw him, I just let, I let go of everything.

00:40:17.240 It just all went away.

00:40:18.640 And now I just feel this tenderness.

00:40:20.340 I just feel so sorry.

00:40:22.520 Sorry for the guy.

00:40:24.220 Um, all this left, all anger and guilt, all those bad feelings, they burn away with time.

00:40:30.560 They all burn away completely.

00:40:33.780 And so I'm just left with who's sort of fascinated by him.

00:40:36.980 Now I look at when he taught, he struggles to talk and I look at his face and watch it

00:40:41.480 struggle, you know, and I feel, I feel for him, you know, anyway, long answer.

00:40:46.520 Sorry, but no, but it's kind of a beautiful answer.

00:40:48.860 It's about how life is, you know, it's like, it's funny when you go back to see like kind

00:40:53.000 of the dragon, whatever the dragon is and time has affected it and it's changed.

00:40:57.060 And yeah, it's all time.

00:40:58.460 It's going to, I mean, for your listeners that are struggling with it, it's like, you

00:41:01.460 can't rush it and, and it's okay.

00:41:03.480 If you're have blocks and stuff, you'll, you'll, I mean, you can trust yourself a little bit.

00:41:09.000 You know what I mean?

00:41:09.580 You'll get there.

00:41:10.160 You'll get there when it's time.

00:41:12.080 Yeah.

00:41:12.400 I think, uh, I have, I have, I had a lot of like, I was ashamed of my dad a lot, I think

00:41:16.960 because of his age.

00:41:17.700 And so I think I had for a while, I had some issues with that, but even over time that kind

00:41:22.260 of went away, you notice how I would kind of like probably look at him or I would

00:41:26.400 introduce him to people as my grandfather, just little things that it's like, you know,

00:41:30.820 I start to think, well, I wonder how that affected him or, um, I don't know.

00:41:35.740 It's interesting, man.

00:41:36.660 I'll, I'll just love all that kind of stuff.

00:41:38.260 Like how people relate to one another and, and especially from our parents growing up.

00:41:42.960 Did you wish you had a dad like other kids, dads that were like younger and stronger and

00:41:46.260 more dad, like dad, like, or a little bit, but then like some one dude's, you know, his

00:41:52.760 dad like held up the ready-made with a shotgun for pills, you know?

00:41:55.980 So it was like, my dad just like bought a, my dad bought a Cutlass, like a Delta 88.

00:42:01.060 Remember those cars?

00:42:01.920 Yeah, sure.

00:42:02.640 I remember them well.

00:42:03.480 Yeah.

00:42:03.700 And pull one up.

00:42:04.400 Long car.

00:42:05.340 Yeah.

00:42:05.560 It was, uh, oh yeah.

00:42:06.640 Well, he had a long kind of rectangular car, wasn't it?

00:42:09.000 Well, he had, yeah.

00:42:09.500 Some of the early ones were, he had a good LTD too for a while.

00:42:13.440 Yeah.

00:42:13.660 Those were fucking, they just, that hood, you could just live on that hood.

00:42:17.940 It was so warm in there.

00:42:19.680 There were always like four cats in there.

00:42:21.420 Yeah, sure.

00:42:22.140 And they would stay in while we drove somewhere.

00:42:23.760 Like it was like, it was.

00:42:26.120 Those cars floated too, man.

00:42:27.860 They were comfortable.

00:42:29.160 Oh yeah.

00:42:29.640 I loved cars like that.

00:42:31.240 Oh, I feel like you'd get, yeah.

00:42:32.860 Six blocks and you're pregnant and that bitch.

00:42:35.060 Yeah.

00:42:35.380 That was a dad car when I was a kid.

00:42:38.460 But then when I was in high school, everybody would have those, like kids would have those

00:42:42.760 and they'd spray paint them whatever, you know, with cans of spray paint and they were

00:42:46.720 like bad-ass fucking cars.

00:42:48.220 I mean, the bumper is like this thick and it's pure steel.

00:42:51.840 It was fucking.

00:42:52.560 It was like made of iron, that car.

00:42:54.560 Oh, they were so good.

00:42:56.100 About three miles to the gallon.

00:42:57.760 My dad bought his off a couple like brothers that lived around a corner in our neighborhood.

00:43:01.640 And so it had like these big speakers in it, right?

00:43:04.360 And so he would drive and he couldn't even hear, right?

00:43:07.240 They had like 22s in the trunk.

00:43:08.540 And so he would be listening to like Paul Harvey and like whatever that is, NPR or something.

00:43:14.180 He was with NPR.

00:43:15.560 Or maybe it's just Paul Harvey.

00:43:17.060 What is that?

00:43:17.360 I don't even know who that is.

00:43:19.060 Good day.

00:43:20.060 Remember that guy on the radio?

00:43:21.500 Oh yeah.

00:43:21.860 Yeah.

00:43:22.080 Okay.

00:43:22.380 Maybe it was like Rush Limbaugh, right?

00:43:24.140 Oh, he'd listen to Rush.

00:43:24.940 Okay.

00:43:25.300 Rush Limbaugh and NPR are very different.

00:43:26.940 Oh, they are?

00:43:27.580 Yeah.

00:43:28.020 So he would listen to Rush Limbaugh or those guys.

00:43:30.820 And then it would be like, but it would be with bass, right?

00:43:34.400 Like, so he would just be driving around fucking listening to like insane, like.

00:43:39.160 With a real bottom to it, Rush Limbaugh.

00:43:41.280 It was unbelievable.

00:43:42.500 And he always had like this old, his car was just stacked with just bullshit.

00:43:46.400 Because he, my dad got this job like going to like, he would go to college and sign people up for credit cards.

00:43:51.960 Like that guy or whatever.

00:43:53.180 Oh.

00:43:54.340 And that was one of the first places he would take me there with him.

00:43:56.480 When I was like 11 or 12, he even let me drive him because he was fucking like, you know, at that point he's 82.

00:44:02.260 Wow.

00:44:02.540 So, so as soon as I was about like five, maybe six or 70, let me drive him over there.

00:44:09.380 And then I would stand on the table and like bark at people to come over and get the credit card thing.

00:44:13.360 Yeah.

00:44:13.840 And I think maybe that's where some of like my first semblance of like getting on stage or like saying stuff or whatever kind of came from.

00:44:22.780 But yeah, that kind of stuff, man.

00:44:24.560 I love thinking about growing up and what happened and how it affects us now.

00:44:28.220 So, um, we had, uh, man, there's one other little story I was going to tell you.

00:44:35.640 Let me see if I can think of it for one second.

00:44:37.340 Dad and the shot guy was held up a store with a shotgun.

00:44:40.960 Oh yeah, dude.

00:44:41.740 The, the other parental role models in our neighborhood, it was pretty bad.

00:44:45.940 You'd have a lot of men.

00:44:46.540 I wouldn't have traded my dad for other dads.

00:44:48.840 I wouldn't have.

00:44:49.660 Yeah.

00:44:49.800 I did like that.

00:44:50.460 I do feel lucky that I had a weird dad and I had an unusual father.

00:44:55.540 Uh, my mom used to say that he's not boring, you know, and it makes you who you are.

00:45:00.040 I mean, you're from a, you have a very specific background and a very, very, you know, a very rare upbringing and that's a great thing for you now.

00:45:08.360 Right, right.

00:45:08.800 Yeah.

00:45:09.040 At the time it felt painful, but now I realized, wow, this was all a part of the plan.

00:45:13.640 That's right.

00:45:14.860 Um, we had that, now I did admire like that Magnum P.I. dad with the fucking like, I mean, just the hair coming up around the bottom of the shorts.

00:45:23.080 Yeah.

00:45:23.780 Like the hair was like trying to get back up to his mustache.

00:45:26.820 You know, it was like, yeah, this hair has a plan.

00:45:29.580 Yeah, that's right.

00:45:30.240 Like the fucking dude and his, and we had to go out there and push this one dude, Glenn, his dad had that big, uh, dish, that direct TV dish.

00:45:37.500 Oh yeah, sure.

00:45:38.000 We had to push that bitch to get the porn.

00:45:39.900 So we'd have to go out there and fucking, you had to earn it, you know?

00:45:42.520 Wow, yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:45:43.460 And we'd have to get that Cinemax and we'd fucking put your shoulder into it or you couldn't come.

00:45:47.960 That was the rule.

00:45:48.520 That's right.

00:45:48.980 I remember that, uh, Cinemax and that stuff that, well, I remember home box office, HBO was the first thing.

00:45:55.900 And I mean, I don't know, how old are you again?

00:45:57.900 I'm 42.

00:45:58.440 Okay, so I'm 55 and I remember first there was just television.

00:46:03.700 I don't know, you probably don't go back that far.

00:46:05.500 It was just terrestrial.

00:46:07.220 I mean, there was just.

00:46:08.380 The antennas?

00:46:09.380 Antennas.

00:46:09.920 Yeah.

00:46:10.140 And, uh, no TV got really good reception.

00:46:13.820 No TV on the, in the world.

00:46:15.900 Really?

00:46:16.600 Got a reliable picture.

00:46:18.440 I mean, that's the way I remember it.

00:46:19.420 It was just always maybe some rich people, but you're still beholden to weather, you know?

00:46:25.280 Phones didn't sound so good.

00:46:26.660 Like, everything was a little wonky.

00:46:29.380 And, um, the channels were, you know, whatever different cities, but it was usually like two,

00:46:36.300 four, five.

00:46:37.400 And so it was like, uh, ABC, CBS, and NBC.

00:46:40.640 Right.

00:46:40.880 And then Fox came along and it was like, that's interesting.

00:46:43.920 And then you had this UHF channels, which was this other dial.

00:46:48.440 You'd put the, your, your dial that just has seven numbers on you.

00:46:52.400 Uh-huh.

00:46:52.700 And UHF had like 50 channels that were a different frequency.

00:46:56.820 And those were local stations that had like, like movie, like a lot of them showed the local

00:47:02.420 sports would be there.

00:47:03.440 Right.

00:47:04.180 Uh, in Boston, it was channel 38 was the Red Sox.

00:47:07.180 And then they had Movie Loft where they'd show old movies.

00:47:10.240 Uh-huh.

00:47:10.380 So that's where you could see stuff like that with thousands of commercials and stuff.

00:47:14.340 Right.

00:47:14.560 But then HBO came along and it was a box that you put on top of your television.

00:47:20.220 Oh, that's why they call it home box office.

00:47:21.900 Yes.

00:47:22.240 Home box office.

00:47:23.000 And also the idea of like a, uh, box office, like you're going to a movie and, uh, and it

00:47:28.300 had an antenna, I think.

00:47:29.780 And it had an, but it scrambled and it brought in a, HBO was a scrambled channel and this thing

00:47:35.500 was the decoder.

00:47:36.580 Wow.

00:47:36.780 I think it was still by antenna at first.

00:47:39.800 Um, and they had like dirty movies, violent movies.

00:47:44.560 Wow.

00:47:45.440 Stand up comedy with cursing.

00:47:47.400 Yeah.

00:47:48.040 And boxing.

00:47:49.300 And it was fucking incredible.

00:47:51.940 And then another company called Starcase came along and they were competitors, but they

00:47:55.540 both, and then they, then they had a cable and it was like, we'll bring it to you in

00:47:58.860 a cable.

00:47:59.720 And then cable TV was like everything coming in on this crazy cable, hundreds of channels

00:48:04.620 and all that stuff all at once.

00:48:05.880 But, but that was that thing that HBO did was like, you know, we're going to, you could

00:48:10.680 see anything here.

00:48:11.880 That changed the game.

00:48:12.700 Yeah.

00:48:12.880 Cause you, otherwise you wait till the movie comes through town.

00:48:15.300 Right.

00:48:15.620 There wasn't, you know, and around then V, then VCRs started up and then you could get

00:48:19.520 it, you know, those cassettes.

00:48:21.880 And, uh, yeah, we had VHS as I remember.

00:48:24.240 It was big, you know, we had to ride our bike to go get it.

00:48:26.920 And they had that porn room.

00:48:28.240 Remember the room?

00:48:29.140 Sure.

00:48:29.520 I worked at a video store.

00:48:30.760 Oh, you did?

00:48:31.300 When I was a kid, when I was in high school.

00:48:33.000 Wow.

00:48:33.800 So I got a little overly too quickly exposed.

00:48:37.620 Like, I mean, we had a porn room and I would run with the, the guy that ran on the store

00:48:42.540 was just, he just gave me the keys.

00:48:43.940 Like I, he made me run the store.

00:48:46.320 So yeah, after I would wait, I would like look at the clock waiting for it.

00:48:49.860 Like I just wanted to close.

00:48:52.760 So I could go in the back room in his office and just fucking just jizz everywhere.

00:48:59.500 I would have fucking licked the boxes, I think.

00:49:01.620 Yeah, it was real.

00:49:02.640 It was a lot.

00:49:03.720 Oh, I remember seeing some, but one guy chiseled some tits into a fucking tree in our neighborhood,

00:49:08.480 right?

00:49:08.820 Like back in these woods behind our fence.

00:49:12.280 And so what?

00:49:13.260 Had chiseled a fucking set of.

00:49:15.400 Oh.

00:49:16.300 Bangers, homie.

00:49:17.480 Some fucking milk muffins, daddy.

00:49:19.460 He fucking chiseled a pair.

00:49:21.060 With a, you mean like an artist?

00:49:22.580 Like he, he.

00:49:23.160 Yeah, or like a, I don't know what it's called.

00:49:24.600 What's that thin chisel with the little flathead on it?

00:49:27.040 Yeah, I don't know what his tools were or whatever, but this guy was pretty good, I

00:49:31.260 would say probably.

00:49:32.660 And then, but people would go out there and come, you know, ejaculate to it.

00:49:35.860 Oh, you'd see there was porn magazines back there and it was on this little hill kind

00:49:39.200 of.

00:49:39.400 So it almost had this.

00:49:40.440 That's incredible.

00:49:41.820 Native.

00:49:42.160 Or I think people, I think people said it was Native American or something, but I don't

00:49:45.460 know.

00:49:45.580 But you didn't, you knew the guy that did it though?

00:49:47.260 Oh yeah.

00:49:48.600 Oh yeah.

00:49:49.520 Amazing.

00:49:50.160 Dude, I'll tell you another story about the same guy.

00:49:51.660 So he, one time me and my buddy, this kid Summerall were walking down the street.

00:49:57.620 And it, but it was a tree though.

00:49:58.840 So it was like a living tree.

00:50:00.160 Yeah.

00:50:00.600 And there was tits on it that he chiseled.

00:50:03.180 And not, I mean, folks would come and jack off to it.

00:50:05.760 Yeah.

00:50:06.080 I don't know how many folks.

00:50:07.160 Yeah.

00:50:07.300 I mean, it wasn't like people with like buses wouldn't stop.

00:50:09.480 It wasn't like, what do you call it?

00:50:11.540 The Graceland or something.

00:50:13.140 Yeah.

00:50:13.460 But if you knew, you knew, you know what I'm saying?

00:50:18.660 And this was also woods and people used to go to the woods to jerk off.

00:50:22.420 Huh?

00:50:23.320 And that was something you'd find.

00:50:24.440 I think in any town you hear people, there's pornography in the woods.

00:50:27.660 It used to be people would bury a stack of beauty bags.

00:50:29.860 Yes.

00:50:29.960 I found a stack of porn.

00:50:31.460 That's in the woods.

00:50:32.320 That's the first thing I, first time I ever saw any of that.

00:50:34.420 Yeah.

00:50:34.580 And we had a, they had an empty broken washing machine right there and people would put the

00:50:37.500 porn in there.

00:50:38.320 Right.

00:50:38.640 And so, uh, you get the, you know, get your fuck, you know, get that deal out.

00:50:43.620 And then.

00:50:44.440 Now the first porn I ever jerked off to was some girl or tits in shorts and she had gravel

00:50:50.580 all over it.

00:50:51.440 Cause I found it in the dirt.

00:50:53.600 Oh yeah.

00:50:53.940 That magazine.

00:50:54.540 Just like pockmarks from the gravel.

00:50:59.660 Life is sad, buddy.

00:51:01.480 Yeah.

00:51:01.840 But it's real, dude.

00:51:03.060 Yeah.

00:51:03.440 God.

00:51:03.900 And look, in some cultures you still find that, you know?

00:51:07.480 So go ahead.

00:51:07.960 I don't mean to interrupt you.

00:51:08.780 So what?

00:51:09.180 No, that was it.

00:51:09.900 There would be, you know, you would ejaculate to that.

00:51:12.300 And, uh, but it was a different, yeah.

00:51:14.680 People would go into the woods.

00:51:16.060 It's almost like, you know, you'd bring it back to nature.

00:51:20.320 I mean, my dad, I remember caught us jerking off one time and made us bury it in the yard,

00:51:24.120 bury the semen in the yard.

00:51:25.540 Well.

00:51:26.400 To make it like, um.

00:51:29.520 Respectful or something.

00:51:30.320 Yeah.

00:51:30.520 But you would just, you, wait a minute.

00:51:33.520 How did he, he caught, wait, first you said he caught us jerking off.

00:51:37.100 Yeah.

00:51:37.500 Yeah.

00:51:37.780 Well, I guess it was, there was, uh, it was just me, but I say us, I don't feel alone.

00:51:43.480 I think I do that a lot.

00:51:46.720 Sure.

00:51:47.260 That makes sense.

00:51:48.040 But so he walked in and you would, you would just come on yourself.

00:51:51.700 Yeah.

00:51:51.940 Well, my mother caught me.

00:51:53.960 And then she, he, so she went to him and said, he's been jerking off.

00:51:56.840 She told him.

00:51:57.280 Yeah.

00:51:57.380 She would always kind of rat me out about stuff like that.

00:51:59.360 But was the jizz doesn't stay like, how did he?

00:52:01.480 No, but he just said, you were, wherever this is, you need to take it and put it in

00:52:04.940 the yard.

00:52:05.440 And that was it.

00:52:06.280 So you just kind of went like that.

00:52:08.260 No, no, no, no.

00:52:09.040 It was on a sheet.

00:52:09.980 Oh, it was on a sheet.

00:52:10.740 Okay.

00:52:10.940 So the thing you came on had to be buried.

00:52:14.280 But I would kind of, it made me create a respect for him.

00:52:16.640 I think like as a, and it gave me a, uh, kind of an, uh, uh, affinity for nature.

00:52:21.780 Sure.

00:52:23.260 Sure.

00:52:24.380 You fucked nature in a sense.

00:52:26.740 Oh, dude.

00:52:27.320 I remember my buddy would come over and we would just fucking mount our pillows in the

00:52:30.660 different corners of the room.

00:52:32.400 Yeah.

00:52:32.840 When you have a teenage, well, preteen boys, when they start preteen, yeah, there is, there

00:52:37.020 is like a camaraderie in that stuff.

00:52:39.500 Yeah.

00:52:40.220 I had a friend who used to, we used to tell each other stories about girls.

00:52:43.600 Like I, I'd sleep over his house and he'd sleep on his bed.

00:52:47.100 I'd sleep on the floor and we called it telling each other juicers.

00:52:50.760 That's what we called it juicer.

00:52:52.640 So like he would tell me, he'd say, you know, pick a girl and I'd say, you know, Gretchen

00:52:57.760 and he'd say, okay, so you, you and Gretchen are in school and you know, you're like, you

00:53:03.560 decided to walk home together and you go to her house and he'd just walk me through this

00:53:07.260 story.

00:53:08.980 Bro.

00:53:09.580 It was good.

00:53:10.000 And then I'd do it for him with whatever girl he wanted.

00:53:13.020 Oh, I can't even imagine.

00:53:14.900 Y'all did that for each other?

00:53:16.060 Yeah, we did.

00:53:17.280 It was, yeah.

00:53:17.940 And I don't think.

00:53:19.660 That's awesome.

00:53:20.420 I don't know if we were coming yet.

00:53:22.660 I think it was just about squeezing it and getting this, like getting this feeling and

00:53:27.020 just listening to what he's saying and just, it didn't occur to us that, I mean, we were

00:53:31.540 talking about girls.

00:53:32.740 We didn't feel weird about it.

00:53:34.160 We, we were good friends, you know, I liked him.

00:53:37.420 He was a good kid.

00:53:38.480 Sounds like it.

00:53:39.200 Yeah.

00:53:39.580 He was, you know, it's just something you do for a buddy.

00:53:41.780 Dude, if I laid on a bunk bed right now and another man laid on the floor and told me,

00:53:45.620 uh, took me through like a good story, I'd probably appreciate it.

00:53:50.500 It's so much more real than having to just jerk off to something you see on a screen.

00:53:54.660 Yeah.

00:53:54.900 That's no good.

00:53:55.640 I think that's one of the things that I miss.

00:53:56.980 That's never been great.

00:53:57.620 Yeah.

00:53:58.120 I think, dude, I remember when I first got an erection, I thought it was poop coming out

00:54:02.340 of the front and I remember being so scared and, um, and I told this teacher and I, then

00:54:13.840 I think the teacher might've been like a gay man.

00:54:15.980 And so then I, I got this totally weird reaction from him, but I remember thinking that poop

00:54:22.100 was coming out of my, like it had gotten lost and that's what the erection was.

00:54:27.880 That's a terrifying thought.

00:54:29.360 Oh dude.

00:54:30.820 Cause then I was afraid to go pee cause I was like, it's going to smell bad.

00:54:34.200 Oh my God.

00:54:35.700 And that's terrifying.

00:54:36.800 Oh, you know, I'm on it.

00:54:38.780 Look at my wig, baby.

00:54:40.020 I'm wigged up and wigged out.

00:54:41.380 I'm wigging.

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00:56:00.880 I want something attainable.

00:56:02.180 I want to drink more water.

00:56:03.820 I want to budget better.

00:56:05.980 You know, I want to set aside some time where if I want to have a candy, I'm going to have

00:56:09.160 a candy.

00:56:10.320 I'm not going to feel bad.

00:56:12.480 I'm not going to, you know, whine about her or, uh, or threaten anybody because I'm angry

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00:58:39.680 No, I was, I grew up in a house, like we had half a house.

00:58:44.460 We only, we had, we rented the bottom half of a house.

00:58:46.880 So it was just all one level with rooms off of the, so we were all kind of crowded.

00:58:50.700 I had three sisters and my mom.

00:58:52.240 And so when I kind of came online, it was hard to hide it because I was just in my room and whatever stuff was going on.

00:59:01.080 And they all kind of became aware of it.

00:59:02.840 And that was horrifying to me.

00:59:04.180 It was horrifying that my mom and sisters were like aware that, like, I think I heard them say, oh, he's, well, that's what my mom likes, was just cheerfully saying.

00:59:12.620 Well, boys have to touch their penises.

00:59:14.820 Leave them alone.

00:59:15.580 And she's like, and I'm like, stop, mom.

00:59:18.360 Because my mom was just too nice, you know.

00:59:21.560 Like she, I had Playboys hidden, like hidden as hard as I could hide them.

00:59:26.140 Oh, yeah.

00:59:26.720 In, under my bed in the, I found a way to put them in the slats or whatever.

00:59:30.400 But I was a boy, so sometimes I would just jerk off and then just leave the room.

00:59:34.220 And so one day I came home and my mom had cleaned my room and she stacked my Playboys for me, like stacked them nicely.

00:59:42.680 And I was, it was just an acknowledgement of my sexuality that I did not, I was not okay with.

00:59:50.420 It was horrible.

00:59:51.100 I appreciate it now.

00:59:52.640 Yeah.

00:59:53.620 But.

00:59:54.620 Man, that's so interesting.

00:59:56.200 Yeah, it's like our sexuality, we don't, we, it really is, it's yours.

01:00:00.760 And it's like kind of the only thing that you, especially like in American culture, you know, it's very hidden.

01:00:07.740 It's like, I don't know, it's the only thing that I had.

01:00:11.860 Like, I remember, yeah, I don't know, some, whatever you're saying, it kind of makes me feel something.

01:00:17.180 It's like, that's my thing.

01:00:19.740 I think I felt a lot in the world, like I didn't have a, like, everything else was up to someone else.

01:00:25.820 Right.

01:00:26.180 Like the environment I was put into, the family I had to live with, the financial circumstance, the, you know, pediophiles or whatever in our area, all of that shit was somebody else's doing, you know.

01:00:40.200 But this thing.

01:00:41.960 It's mine.

01:00:42.660 It's mine, you know.

01:00:44.120 That's a very profound thing you're saying.

01:00:45.560 It's very true.

01:00:46.220 And so I think, because I've always had a tough time with, like, sexual connection, you know, like, like in my 20, I couldn't even, like, I had like so much sexual anxiety in my 20s, it was like hard to even engage, you know.

01:00:59.180 So it was like, but man, yeah, it's just interesting to hear that kind of stuff.

01:01:04.200 Yeah, because then you have, you take this, you discover this thing and it is yours in a wilderness, in a world, like you're saying.

01:01:10.320 I think it's like that for any kid that age.

01:01:13.560 And then you have this weird task of taking that into the world and offering it to somebody else.

01:01:18.960 Right.

01:01:19.400 And bringing it to their mind and combining it.

01:01:23.640 And that's very scary.

01:01:25.460 And everybody has a hard time with that, I think.

01:01:28.260 I think that's fundamentally why people have, like, societally, societally, issues with sex and why there's always sexual puritanicalism comes from one place or another.

01:01:38.480 Yeah.

01:01:39.020 Is because everyone has, is just not sure how to handle that thing because it's so tender.

01:01:44.780 Yeah.

01:01:44.900 It's like a very, like I did once, and it's not something I talk about a lot because it's very private for me, but I did a psychedelic.

01:01:55.460 It's a drug like therapy once, you know, like treatment with.

01:01:58.520 Like ketamine?

01:01:59.560 No, it was MDMA.

01:02:01.200 And I did it with mushrooms too, but I put on, you know, a blindfold, so it's not like Molly where you're at a party or something.

01:02:08.360 But I went in deep and I saw this version of my sexuality, which was like, I saw myself as this baby, like floating in space, kind of, like with nothing around.

01:02:18.520 And then not directly from the dick part, but kind of like the umbilical cord, like somewhere in between was this like purple, like cord.

01:02:28.280 And I saw it as kind of like a lifeline, but also an outgoing thing, you know?

01:02:34.280 And I saw it as like incredibly fragile.

01:02:38.280 And like, if you could have taken a bow from a violin and, and rung on it, it would have like made a crazy, like, you know, this sorrowful sound.

01:02:48.740 Like it was just like, and I saw it as like this deep want, but also something ancient about it.

01:02:56.820 Like to be, I thought, and the thought I had in my head was you need to, um, respect that and you need to pity it like at the same time.

01:03:06.760 It helped me a lot to look at it that way and to see it as something that just be careful with that.

01:03:11.620 It comes from a very deep longing, but also a weird wisdom.

01:03:16.560 Like there's so much shit mixed in that.

01:03:18.820 Yeah.

01:03:19.200 And it's so like you passed out the first time that you encountered it.

01:03:23.520 It's like, it's just so much and you're given it as a boy, as a fucking boy.

01:03:29.180 You're going, here it is.

01:03:30.400 Here's the craziest thing in the whole world.

01:03:32.300 And it's yours now, but it is, it's, it's yours.

01:03:35.860 So yeah, I mean, to take that and, and, and, and combine it with somebody else and say, I want to share this with you.

01:03:45.400 That is big stuff, man.

01:03:47.220 And most people wear, they wear a lot of armor when they do it.

01:03:50.420 Yeah.

01:03:50.920 They wear a lot of armor.

01:03:51.900 They would do a lot of, they become somebody else kind of people sexually a little bit, or you, you play a role or you do something to, to, to come at it in a way that, you know, you're going to survive it and be okay and be, you know what I mean?

01:04:03.980 But satisfy it.

01:04:05.220 It's all, it's, it's untanglable.

01:04:07.180 It's a fucking mess for everybody.

01:04:09.240 Wow.

01:04:09.620 It is.

01:04:10.500 It is untanglable.

01:04:12.280 Yeah.

01:04:12.600 I had a, I had a girl to kind of break up with me.

01:04:14.800 Reese, I just started kind of dating and we just kind of started and she fucking shut it down.

01:04:18.540 But I remember being, yeah, thanks, man.

01:04:20.820 Um, I, I remember being like the part that kind of upset me the most was I told her that I liked her and it was like, it was just so much risk in that for me.

01:04:33.820 Like admitting that I, yeah, for some reason there was just so much vulnerability around that.

01:04:41.300 Like, I'm going to say, I like you because I was afraid that the truth would be that she didn't like me.

01:04:47.960 And I think it goes back to some of those like, like this kind of pain that's not even, I don't even know if it's mine, but it's just been in my fucking cyst, in my DNA or somewhere that, that, yeah, you're going to share.

01:05:05.440 You're going to say, here I am.

01:05:07.160 Yeah.

01:05:07.320 And somebody's going to say, not today, right?

01:05:10.520 You can sip out the creamer, but we need you to leave.

01:05:12.020 That's weird because you're a comic because I don't have, I don't, that I don't have.

01:05:15.100 I don't, I love telling women I like them.

01:05:19.200 Really?

01:05:19.700 I love it.

01:05:20.560 Wow.

01:05:20.920 And I, since I was a kid, I was like that.

01:05:23.500 When I started liking girls, I'd walk up to them and say, you're just beautiful and you're great and I want to, I want to go out with you or whatever.

01:05:30.820 And then I, in junior high school, before I'd ever kissed a girl, I, I learned a thing, which was that all the hottest girls, the top shelf girls, they'll talk to you.

01:05:42.620 They like people.

01:05:44.100 You know what I mean?

01:05:44.740 Like they'd be aloof if you're trying to pick them up.

01:05:47.040 But I started making friends with them and I got to know them.

01:05:51.300 Really well.

01:05:51.860 Like I talk on the phone for hours with like the hottest girls.

01:05:54.960 What?

01:05:55.240 And I just like being near them.

01:05:57.040 I just like knowing them, you know?

01:05:58.960 Yeah.

01:05:59.240 And I would tell them, like I'm, I'm, I would tell them I'm attracted to them, but I accepted that it wasn't, you know, just, I wasn't in the market, you know, marketplace.

01:06:07.280 But I never, it never bothered me the thing of telling, I like it.

01:06:10.660 If I meet a woman I like, I kind of want, I have to, I had to learn how to slow down and not tell her too soon.

01:06:16.720 I want to tell her right away.

01:06:17.800 Yeah.

01:06:18.260 I want to tell her before I meet her.

01:06:19.280 I want to literally send out a mail.

01:06:20.920 Mail.

01:06:21.520 Yeah.

01:06:21.760 Yeah.

01:06:21.940 You just want to say, Hey, you're, I, I want, I want you.

01:06:24.920 I like you.

01:06:25.620 I, I, you're great.

01:06:27.460 This is the thing about your face, particularly the way you walk.

01:06:30.620 Yeah.

01:06:31.020 Because, uh, that admiration is just a huge, huge thing.

01:06:35.800 Yeah.

01:06:36.120 But it never bothered me to be rejected.

01:06:38.300 Never bothered me.

01:06:39.200 Wow.

01:06:39.540 That's, no, that's amazing.

01:06:40.720 Because most women, uh, even the snottiest women would be nice about it.

01:06:44.380 You know, if you go up to the head cheerleader and like, you want to be my girlfriend?

01:06:47.280 She's like, Oh, she's like, give me an N, give me an O.

01:06:52.180 You don't get her, but you know, you get to have a moment with her.

01:06:55.400 That's true, dude.

01:06:56.620 Yeah.

01:06:56.940 There was nothing better than like making a beautiful girl laugh.

01:06:59.640 That was always like, if you could do that.

01:07:01.740 That's big.

01:07:03.080 I was like, what?

01:07:04.380 This is a way that I can get to women somehow.

01:07:06.860 Like, this is a way, this is the only way I have to come.

01:07:09.540 It's like, you know, I think there's something in that.

01:07:12.220 We're all just trying to use some, some way to get to one another, you know?

01:07:17.080 That's right.

01:07:17.900 Um, it's natural.

01:07:19.360 It's how you, you figure out what's good about you and then you put it out there.

01:07:22.520 You go, here's my thing.

01:07:23.600 Shop's open.

01:07:24.300 Yeah.

01:07:24.600 Like the, the angler fish that has a glowing, he's got a thing and it glows.

01:07:30.260 That's his lure.

01:07:31.520 Oh, it is?

01:07:32.040 Deep sea angler fish.

01:07:33.200 It's the ugliest fish in the world.

01:07:34.340 Bring him up.

01:07:34.740 I think it's called a deep sea angler and he's got a little stick on his head with a glowing

01:07:40.020 thing on it.

01:07:41.120 And it's a wiener?

01:07:42.600 Yeah.

01:07:43.180 He lures, it's, he lures chicks.

01:07:46.780 Oh yeah.

01:07:48.060 That's actually the woman.

01:07:49.220 So what happens is crazy.

01:07:50.700 What's fascinating.

01:07:51.380 I just saw this the other night on a show.

01:07:52.880 That fish floats around with that thing on her head.

01:07:57.660 And these, the dude is really small.

01:08:00.500 The dude is like this, the size of like her jaw and the dude finds, sees that and also

01:08:06.160 gets the smell.

01:08:07.140 She puts a smell in the, in the water and he follows her and he sees the light.

01:08:10.960 And this, these folks live in total darkness there and they can't see that they're so below

01:08:16.200 the surface.

01:08:16.720 There's no light.

01:08:17.780 And they're still coming down there.

01:08:19.040 They're still down there having a fight.

01:08:20.600 Yeah.

01:08:21.080 So, so she, she floats around just like this with those fucked up eyes in the dark.

01:08:26.600 And this dude sees when he sees that glow, like he's in darkness and then he sees that

01:08:31.100 glow and he's like pussy, pussy.

01:08:33.560 And it's, the odds are so low for him because if he's not a fucking great swimmer, he sees

01:08:40.100 the glow, but then he watches it fade and he's fucked and he dies.

01:08:44.500 But the best of the anglerfish, this is how they select.

01:08:47.460 He can get to it and he smells, he uses the smell and the light and then he latches himself.

01:08:54.460 He's got teeth that latch onto her belly and he keeps biting and biting and she fights him

01:09:01.020 because she only wants the best.

01:09:02.560 Yes.

01:09:03.620 Exactly.

01:09:04.080 Like Marv Albert biting that ass.

01:09:06.160 He didn't know what he really was, you know?

01:09:08.620 And then he finally latches on and then his face becomes part of her belly and it makes

01:09:13.820 fuse.

01:09:15.020 What?

01:09:15.520 And then he's fused to her by the mouth for the rest of his life.

01:09:20.160 And where's this happening?

01:09:20.940 In Vegas?

01:09:22.720 I mean, for, you could get anything in Vegas.

01:09:24.820 No, that's unbelievable.

01:09:25.640 But then her bloodstream is feeding him.

01:09:28.340 And she, she eats, she does life.

01:09:30.720 And it goes into him.

01:09:31.420 And he just lays, he just sits there and comes, he just constantly comes out of his mouth into

01:09:36.980 her belly and gets food back and he's done.

01:09:39.700 He's like, I don't need a fucking thing.

01:09:41.860 Wow.

01:09:42.420 This is, yeah, like the ultimate fucking, that kind of guy who finds a woman and latches,

01:09:47.120 he just latches on.

01:09:48.580 And they need that lifelong connection because it's so hard to find each other.

01:09:52.940 Because of the darkness.

01:09:53.580 Yeah, so she can't, because she can't keep looking for new guys.

01:09:56.160 So this is it for them.

01:09:58.080 God, dude.

01:09:59.060 Yeah.

01:09:59.220 That's honestly one of the most romantic things I've ever heard in a weird way.

01:10:02.100 It is.

01:10:02.440 It's kind of beautiful, right?

01:10:02.800 But it's that glow.

01:10:04.180 So I don't remember.

01:10:04.800 Yeah.

01:10:05.000 So everybody's got their, you got whatever your glow is, you figure out this is my thing.

01:10:09.000 And you put it out in the world, whatever it is.

01:10:10.860 No, it's laughing, making girls laugh is, I remember being in a, at some party in high

01:10:17.640 school with kids always, I always felt like everybody was cool than me, but these were dudes

01:10:22.320 that were like with girls and everybody was cool.

01:10:25.440 And I was just kind of, I was starting to do drugs and I was starting to get cynical and

01:10:30.740 not like stuff.

01:10:31.740 And I was starting to get kind of crabby about life, you know?

01:10:34.620 Which has worked out well for you.

01:10:35.700 It has.

01:10:36.160 And so these girls, really cute girls were with these guys and they were all, and they're

01:10:42.420 all being dudes.

01:10:43.300 They're like wearing shirts that show off their shoulders and they're tan dudes.

01:10:46.860 And their shoes fit.

01:10:47.940 Yeah, perfectly.

01:10:48.900 And they're like cool dudes.

01:10:50.500 And they're starting to get a little sensual, like, you know, getting into, like their haircuts

01:10:54.780 are a little 80s and stuff.

01:10:56.540 And they're all talking.

01:10:57.580 And one of them said something like, I don't remember the words, but he said something like

01:11:01.120 this, like impressive.

01:11:02.560 Yeah.

01:11:03.140 And I said, like, something like this, like, fuck you.

01:11:07.040 Like, yeah, whatever, buddy.

01:11:08.300 But I said it well.

01:11:09.560 And the two girls died laughing.

01:11:12.880 Like, they were, they had tears.

01:11:14.520 They were like, oh my God.

01:11:15.640 Because I just destroyed the dude that they kind of wanted.

01:11:18.940 Yeah, Bryce.

01:11:19.820 Yes, Bryce got fucking.

01:11:21.520 And Bryce looked at me like, what just happened?

01:11:24.620 None of the dudes understood what just happened.

01:11:26.380 Yeah, who just wizard.

01:11:27.300 Yeah, and I was, they were all sitting in a circle and I was standing above them.

01:11:30.240 And I remember looking down at these girls and going, I have a fucking power that none

01:11:33.840 of these guys have.

01:11:34.820 Like, I just made them come.

01:11:36.840 Wow.

01:11:37.340 And there's no way you guys have made these girls come yet.

01:11:39.360 They're all, everybody's like 17, you know?

01:11:40.880 Yeah.

01:11:41.700 But there is that feeling when you're on stage, you see like a guy and a girl and the girl's

01:11:45.500 just crumpled.

01:11:46.640 And you're like, I'm fucking your girlfriend right in front of you.

01:11:48.900 Yeah.

01:11:49.860 It is.

01:11:50.240 That's a win.

01:11:50.940 Yeah, it is.

01:11:52.720 That's a win.

01:11:53.860 Yeah, it's like you have to get seen somehow.

01:11:55.640 You have to get, I'm trying to think of, I would do it.

01:11:58.680 I got people to laugh because I didn't trust the world very much.

01:12:03.460 And so I knew if people were laughing that they couldn't not like me and be laughing

01:12:07.180 at the same time.

01:12:08.600 It was like this moment of solace.

01:12:11.180 Like, yes, it feels, I recognize that feeling.

01:12:16.780 Yeah.

01:12:17.100 It's like I could take a moment.

01:12:19.020 Yeah.

01:12:19.220 Um, I want to talk about your movie.

01:12:21.560 I want to talk about your show from last night.

01:12:22.980 I have to pee really fast.

01:12:24.600 Yeah.

01:12:24.940 I'll pee too if you're going to pee.

01:12:26.260 Yeah, dude.

01:12:27.220 Yeah.

01:12:28.400 Dude, the show was awesome, man.

01:12:30.080 Oh, last night you came to my show.

01:12:31.260 Yeah.

01:12:31.600 Thanks, man.

01:12:32.360 Thanks.

01:12:32.560 Man, it, uh, it is, yeah, you are a, I mean, it is, I felt like, I felt like I left out

01:12:45.120 of there with like shit on my shoes kind of, but it was your shit.

01:12:47.860 I didn't mean to shit on your shoes.

01:12:51.920 It's not the goal.

01:12:52.320 I know you didn't.

01:12:53.120 But that's what happens with fellow comedians.

01:12:55.180 Yeah.

01:12:55.660 I know what you mean.

01:12:56.520 How long have you been doing it now?

01:12:58.080 I've been doing it maybe 18 years, I think.

01:12:59.840 Oh, that's not very long at all.

01:13:01.440 Is it true when you say that?

01:13:03.220 Yeah.

01:13:03.700 That's a really short amount of time.

01:13:05.480 Yeah.

01:13:05.580 I mean, you really, you got it all ahead of you.

01:13:07.580 Yeah.

01:13:07.900 I'm starting to feel like that.

01:13:08.760 I realized that I need to get out, like, I love telling stories.

01:13:11.860 So I love telling stories and, and, uh, like Jerry Clower is like my favorite comedian.

01:13:16.380 I'm not sure you're familiar with him, but he was like.

01:13:18.140 He's one of the best selling comedians ever, like of like, uh, albums and stuff.

01:13:22.100 But he was, um, like the Southern, he was like this kind of Southern storytelling, but

01:13:26.400 I love that kind of stuff.

01:13:27.300 But, uh, that's him right there.

01:13:29.780 Yeah.

01:13:30.140 I know that face.

01:13:31.000 Yeah.

01:13:31.640 So he, um, but yeah, I walked out and I was like, Jesus Christ, who am I anymore?

01:13:37.760 This is what I felt like walking out of your show.

01:13:40.040 Like, are my beliefs intact?

01:13:42.000 I remember even going like this when I walked out.

01:13:44.500 Yeah.

01:13:44.860 Um, what, what, what gives you a kick when you're up there?

01:13:48.860 Like, do you find like, is it still the humor that gives you the kick?

01:13:51.600 Is it an uncomfortability?

01:13:53.560 Is it like a control?

01:13:55.420 Do you have any sense of that kind of?

01:13:57.660 I think, uh, it's a lot of things all at once.

01:13:59.860 It's probably why I like it.

01:14:01.520 Cause there's a shitload of things firing at the same time.

01:14:04.620 You know, it's a lot and, but I'm in control of it.

01:14:08.180 And in the ways that I'm not are exciting.

01:14:10.340 It's like sailing in a way.

01:14:11.660 It's like, I know how to do all this stuff, but I'm still, you know, the wind's still coming

01:14:15.520 in.

01:14:15.720 Like, I'm like, ah, and I'm healing a little.

01:14:19.020 And I'm like, I don't know guys, but I've been, I've also got that veteran kind of,

01:14:23.160 I've seen this, I've seen this, I know how this goes.

01:14:26.060 And, uh, and the, uh, you know, some shows are more fun than others.

01:14:30.020 The night before I shot this last night for a special.

01:14:32.660 That's right.

01:14:33.380 And that's coming out when?

01:14:34.840 Like probably February, but I'm, I'm, I'm doing the Madison square garden at the end of

01:14:39.480 this month on January 20th.

01:14:41.640 And I'm live streaming that show on my website.

01:14:44.020 And people will be able to buy it there by a ticket.

01:14:46.480 Yes.

01:14:47.020 They'll be able to buy the show and watch it for like 10 days.

01:14:50.080 Then I'm taking it down.

01:14:51.020 I just want to share that night.

01:14:52.620 Wow.

01:14:53.540 Because I used to play the garden all the time.

01:14:55.340 I haven't been there in years and I don't want to return to that, to that.

01:14:59.040 I don't want to be an arena comic.

01:15:01.100 I don't like the kind of pro circuit thing anymore.

01:15:03.700 I just want to do standup because I love it.

01:15:06.040 But I got back there and we sold it out.

01:15:08.500 I'm doing it in the round.

01:15:09.460 I'm standing in the center.

01:15:11.120 And so I want to just do it that one night so I can really appreciate it for what it is.

01:15:16.160 Cause when I used to do it a lot, it was like, I just take the subway and do the garden.

01:15:19.120 And I, and there's a sadness that I didn't see how great that was.

01:15:23.220 And now I understand how great it was to have that opportunity.

01:15:26.680 So, uh, coming back there, I'm calling that special back to the garden.

01:15:31.360 And, and so folks can live stream and watch it during the show.

01:15:35.460 Wow.

01:15:35.860 And then I'll leave it up for like 10 days just to stream, but then it'll come down and

01:15:40.240 go away.

01:15:40.820 But what I shot last night is it'll be the same material, but that's be my, that's the

01:15:45.420 special for this year.

01:15:46.600 And that'll go on your website.

01:15:47.760 That'll go on the website for 10 bucks.

01:15:49.400 Yeah.

01:15:50.160 So dude.

01:15:51.380 Yeah.

01:15:51.560 I would come.

01:15:52.280 Yeah.

01:15:52.500 Anybody.

01:15:53.000 I like, I, I, I think I would maybe watch it again.

01:15:56.620 And that's insane for somebody to say to these days, watch anything again.

01:15:59.460 Yeah.

01:15:59.720 Yeah.

01:15:59.900 Yeah.

01:16:00.260 But cause there's so many things it's like, it really is just so many levels of what's

01:16:06.860 going on, you know?

01:16:08.160 I worked hard on this show and, and, but anyway,

01:16:10.740 but so the night before we did two nights cause when you do a special, so I did a Saturday

01:16:15.500 night and that was fucking cream puff.

01:16:18.000 That was just like being massaged.

01:16:20.940 It just felt so good.

01:16:22.820 Like, I just felt like it was easy and I'm just like, I'm on this one.

01:16:26.460 I'm like, like a kind of surfer who touches the water wall while he's in there.

01:16:30.280 You know what I mean?

01:16:31.180 Like not the guy who's like this, but the guy who's like, he's just doing this on the,

01:16:34.980 on the, while he's in the tube, you know?

01:16:37.220 Oh yeah.

01:16:37.700 It's kind of like caressing, just touching the nipple of the ocean, you know?

01:16:41.500 Like that's what Saturday night felt like.

01:16:44.200 And everything was just, I didn't have to think about anything.

01:16:47.380 And it was the, the perfect thing for me is when I'm really feeling the things I'm saying.

01:16:52.920 A hundred percent.

01:16:53.340 I'm not in my head about how's this show going?

01:16:55.520 What comes next?

01:16:56.200 How do I say this?

01:16:57.080 Is the pace good?

01:16:57.800 I'm really thinking like, here's what I feel about Jesus.

01:17:02.020 Like, and I really feel it.

01:17:04.000 And it was, it just was sublime and great.

01:17:08.040 And last night was not as easy.

01:17:11.220 Like, and coming off of that was hard.

01:17:13.100 That's hard too.

01:17:13.860 Because you can't, yeah, you can't replicate the, you can't cheat your brain to know that

01:17:18.340 you weren't on that.

01:17:19.360 No, you can't.

01:17:20.160 On that high.

01:17:20.660 You can't.

01:17:21.200 And you, and you have to, I mean, it all comes with experience.

01:17:24.300 So some early times in my life, a great show could ruin a bad show.

01:17:29.900 Because the bad one, I just go, what, where are you?

01:17:32.000 What happened?

01:17:32.920 But once you know, like, to me, it's like the show is going to be as good no matter what.

01:17:37.000 I'm going to get the same outcome every single show.

01:17:39.460 The difference is going to be how much, how do I have to work for it?

01:17:42.140 You know, how hard do I, so last night it was like, all right, you fucks.

01:17:45.320 And I had to really more, I felt like I had to really try harder.

01:17:49.660 And probably when I edit it, the second show will probably be the better show for watching.

01:17:56.740 Because it's not fun to watch a comedian be like, hey, man, this is great.

01:18:01.360 It's not, the comfort of a comedian is not funny.

01:18:05.020 Yeah, it's watching the guy test the water to see if it's cold.

01:18:07.580 It's not as much as the guy sitting in the hot tub.

01:18:09.360 That's right.

01:18:10.360 But the thing, I guess, one of the things I love is going places, because there's some

01:18:14.480 places where you know the laughs are.

01:18:15.800 There's some places we know everybody laughs at, and it's fun to say those things and

01:18:20.540 be good at them and get the laughs that you knew were coming.

01:18:23.800 But I like taking people places where they don't even like to think about it.

01:18:27.080 They don't even like to let alone talk about it or let alone hear about it in a show.

01:18:30.840 No.

01:18:31.760 But I know what's going to come.

01:18:33.360 I know it's going to be okay.

01:18:35.000 So I'm okay with, there's great power as a comedian in being okay with uncomfortable

01:18:40.420 feelings, with being okay with that you just brought something up and they're like, fuck.

01:18:45.800 And that it gets tight in there.

01:18:47.620 And to know that that tightness is useful and that there's a place to take that.

01:18:52.680 And then when they start to calm down a little bit, they're like, I don't even know where

01:18:55.800 I am now.

01:18:56.300 This is a weird, you see it in their faces.

01:18:59.180 Like, I've never laughed at this before.

01:19:02.380 And so now I'm in a new place in my mind.

01:19:06.400 That's, I think, a very powerful thing about comedy.

01:19:08.640 Yeah.

01:19:09.080 Because it's an opportunity to say stuff that's not appropriate.

01:19:11.640 It's not, all the comedy is on some level of saying something you shouldn't have said.

01:19:16.280 It's either you're saying something because it's too private, like it's too, you're oversharing

01:19:20.840 or which people love that you're just going to, I'm going to tell you this fucked up.

01:19:25.480 You do that a lot.

01:19:26.300 Just like, I'm going to tell you something really personal.

01:19:28.680 Yeah.

01:19:28.880 You need to know it.

01:19:29.580 So you shouldn't have said that because usually in a regular conversation or in politics or

01:19:35.200 whatever, you don't say things like that.

01:19:36.920 The other you shouldn't have said is because it's so stupid.

01:19:39.920 Just a stupid thing.

01:19:41.380 Everybody knows that's not true.

01:19:43.080 What are you saying?

01:19:44.160 Yeah.

01:19:44.480 The other one is that's fucking crazy.

01:19:46.020 That's crazy.

01:19:46.900 That doesn't make any sense.

01:19:48.560 These are all different kinds of humor, but they're all based in saying something you

01:19:51.980 shouldn't have said.

01:19:52.420 And then the other one is like, man, that's not cool.

01:19:55.200 That's not cool to say that.

01:19:56.780 Nobody likes that.

01:19:58.440 That makes people mad.

01:20:00.380 And then there's just like, that's wrong.

01:20:02.120 That's morally wrong to say that.

01:20:04.880 Yeah.

01:20:05.540 And all of those things, if you can take people to those places, which are all fear places,

01:20:11.500 fear of intimacy, fear of the insane, which is an interesting kind of fear, you know,

01:20:16.900 fear of truth or fiction, you know, and fear of castigation by the masses, you know, and

01:20:27.100 fear of morality, of badness.

01:20:30.240 If you can take people to those places and make them laugh, make them happy to be there,

01:20:34.860 give them a, make them feel like this is okay, then suddenly they're there safely.

01:20:38.920 And that's expanding where you're willing to go with your mind, you know, because these

01:20:42.840 are just, this is a cage, you know, and it keeps you from seeing life.

01:20:48.180 There's so much to life outside of what you're supposed to be thinking about.

01:20:52.920 That's a, that's a narrow trip, man, you know?

01:20:55.240 So either way, the trip life is short.

01:20:58.220 Right.

01:20:58.380 So if you could do short narrow or you can do short broad, I mean, it's a little high

01:21:02.580 falutin, but it's how I feel about it.

01:21:04.600 No.

01:21:04.820 It's honestly how I feel about doing standup.

01:21:06.540 Um, it makes sense hearing you say that and watching you.

01:21:10.380 And sometimes also it's just joke.

01:21:11.920 It's just, I love the mechanics of jokes.

01:21:13.980 Yeah.

01:21:14.440 I love like, I just got a new fucking joke.

01:21:17.500 Oh, there's nothing better, dude.

01:21:19.280 It's literally like pulling something out of your ass and getting everybody to smell

01:21:22.160 it and they like it.

01:21:22.880 And they like it.

01:21:23.500 And now you're like, I have this.

01:21:25.040 Yeah.

01:21:25.640 It, I always think of it as going healed, you know, like in the old West.

01:21:28.340 Like when I, once I have a set, like after I put this special out, it'll be, I'll

01:21:32.760 be, I'll be fucking naked again.

01:21:34.600 I have nothing.

01:21:35.320 Yeah.

01:21:35.680 But when you go back to the club and start getting, then you got to set together and

01:21:39.220 you put the gun belt on, like I can go anywhere now, you know, it's just, there is, there

01:21:43.600 is a power rush to it, I think also.

01:21:46.220 And it makes me feel proud of myself.

01:21:47.840 Like I used to think for some comedians, it's about love.

01:21:51.720 It's about feeling accepted and loved.

01:21:53.500 But for me, it's not that really.

01:21:55.280 Cause I feel weird about that.

01:21:57.700 I feel weird when I feel like when people stand up or they, they show a lot of adulation,

01:22:01.380 I don't know what to do.

01:22:02.540 Like, it's not comfortable.

01:22:03.640 It doesn't make sense.

01:22:05.520 That doesn't feel human.

01:22:06.660 Oh, that's interesting.

01:22:07.340 I can relate to that.

01:22:08.140 Yeah.

01:22:08.520 What I feel that's the big thing up there is like, I'm doing, I'm so good.

01:22:15.140 I'm good at this.

01:22:15.900 This is, I'm nailing this.

01:22:17.260 I'm now making them happy.

01:22:18.740 Everybody's happy.

01:22:19.500 The show's good.

01:22:20.840 That's just, I mean, this is very satisfying.

01:22:22.180 You're making something good.

01:22:23.560 And yeah, it's very satisfying, you know, and I would get better and better at it.

01:22:27.700 I tried something I didn't think would work, you know, like when I keep notes in the beginning

01:22:32.840 of a, uh, when I'm starting to build a set, there's always a section that's like, uh, long

01:22:37.880 shots, you know, stuff that's never going to work.

01:22:40.660 You have long shots?

01:22:41.380 Jesus.

01:22:41.620 I mean, that's well, the thing is those long shots, like things that when I first did

01:22:45.480 them, the bottom would feel like, Oh, the crowd's like, no.

01:22:49.400 And I'm like, this is one, this one's going to be hard, but every long shot I ever did

01:22:54.040 ended up being the big bits.

01:22:55.560 Wow.

01:22:55.740 Those end up being the solid killer never fails, the memorable great bits.

01:23:01.860 Yeah.

01:23:02.640 The bits that I'd start with that were like, this is, that's a slam dunk.

01:23:05.600 That's a slam dunk.

01:23:06.360 They start fading as the set gets more mature.

01:23:09.580 Cause you don't love them as much.

01:23:10.940 No.

01:23:11.400 I mean, you like them.

01:23:12.280 Yeah.

01:23:12.400 They're whores.

01:23:13.040 But they're not fucking wedding rings.

01:23:14.400 Fucking whores.

01:23:14.940 Yeah.

01:23:15.300 Yeah.

01:23:15.480 You're all right.

01:23:16.240 But yeah.

01:23:16.540 You know, come over if I don't get anybody else.

01:23:19.260 Yeah.

01:23:21.560 Wow, dude.

01:23:22.360 Yeah.

01:23:22.640 I, uh, I can, I could totally understand that.

01:23:26.160 I could see how, yeah, it's about, it's interesting that it's not about the affection.

01:23:29.720 It's about getting, creating something that makes you feel pride in yourself.

01:23:35.140 Yeah.

01:23:35.300 It's pride in yourself.

01:23:36.240 I mean, it's a little more self-love than it is love from them.

01:23:38.600 Yeah.

01:23:39.240 I guess.

01:23:40.080 But that's okay.

01:23:40.860 That's what we need.

01:23:41.700 You know, I mean, we're all just trying to like find some way to, you know, to feel okay.

01:23:46.600 Um, yeah, I noticed, I just started telling more jokes, like talking more about Jews and

01:23:50.880 stuff in my set a little bit.

01:23:51.980 Like, cause I've always just been afraid.

01:23:53.220 Cause in LA you can't even say the word.

01:23:54.740 Right.

01:23:55.000 It feels like, like you just feel scared.

01:23:56.600 Yeah.

01:23:56.800 I got scared just now when you said it.

01:23:58.160 Yeah.

01:23:58.440 I just didn't have any Jewish people by us growing up.

01:24:00.700 So to me, it's just like, but my Jewish friends are like, dude, this fucking shit is

01:24:04.260 great.

01:24:04.600 It's like, but for so long, I was just so scared to even, well, here's why your Jewish

01:24:09.200 friends like it.

01:24:09.860 Cause they never hear it.

01:24:10.840 And the thing is the best way for people to get to know each other is to hear the voice

01:24:17.120 of somebody who finds they're alienated from a group and talking about them.

01:24:22.000 Like, like I remember years ago, Tracy Morgan, and I want to like get him and re in trouble

01:24:27.840 or whatever.

01:24:28.900 Oh, he'll find a way.

01:24:29.840 He did a joke about if his son was gay and he said, uh, I'm going to love him.

01:24:37.460 If my son is gay, I'm going to love him.

01:24:39.680 Like any father loves any son.

01:24:41.520 But if he comes in the room and is like, Hey daddy, I'm going to stab that in the throat.

01:24:46.380 Now I just caused 70 problems, but the bit was so brutal.

01:24:51.380 And he got, he was like an early version of like, you can't say that.

01:24:55.200 And he had to go to like homeless gay centers and listen to people that were,

01:24:59.840 you know, suffering.

01:25:00.720 And he had to go on a big apology tour and, and they, and they shut him down.

01:25:05.000 And I thought that was a shame because there's such an opportunity in that.

01:25:08.060 He's telling you what it's like to be him where he's from and be, and by the way, he's describing

01:25:13.800 a conflict.

01:25:14.760 I'm going to love my son, but I don't know how I'm going to handle him acting effeminate

01:25:19.280 because my community, my community doesn't honor that.

01:25:24.180 And they think that is weakness.

01:25:25.100 And yet I'm working and living in Hollywood where I, I, he's probably met gay people who

01:25:30.440 he looks up to now.

01:25:31.620 So that's why he's got a conflict now.

01:25:33.820 So he, the way he dealt with the conflict is with comedy by punching through it with

01:25:37.720 a funny, brutal phrase.

01:25:39.940 And there's so much to that.

01:25:41.900 There's so much to be learned from that.

01:25:43.480 And for it, it'll help people, uh, on both sides.

01:25:48.240 Do you know what I mean?

01:25:48.740 Yeah.

01:25:49.480 So it's for, it's, it's fun to watch people that don't know group talk about that group.

01:25:55.400 Yeah.

01:25:55.840 Cause that's how you learn.

01:25:57.240 Yeah.

01:25:57.440 That's how you see them, huh?

01:25:58.920 Yeah.

01:25:59.120 Yeah, man.

01:25:59.680 That's how I see them.

01:26:00.500 I mean, that's where I came from.

01:26:01.540 It's exotic.

01:26:02.780 Yeah.

01:26:03.540 That's the joy of everything.

01:26:04.840 That's, that's what gives me any fucking excitement in the world.

01:26:08.120 Like I love things.

01:26:08.880 Like I grew up in a, you know, black, white environment.

01:26:10.920 So I love thinking about race and how it interacts and just the surprises.

01:26:15.320 And I love that kind of shit.

01:26:17.400 It's what even made me want to get people to laugh sometimes was if you could get black

01:26:20.980 and white people to laugh, it was like, you were the best feeling.

01:26:23.760 Fucking Elizabeth Taylor, dude.

01:26:25.560 Like you were doing good.

01:26:26.400 That is the best feeling.

01:26:27.820 No.

01:26:28.660 And you need an, you need more of both for it to work.

01:26:31.460 Like if there's one black guy in the room, nobody white will laugh at a race joke.

01:26:36.020 Yeah.

01:26:36.560 But if there's 50 black people in the room, they'll, they'll laugh.

01:26:40.240 And then everybody's laughing.

01:26:41.500 Yeah.

01:26:42.360 Cause you got to bring 49 other black people yourself.

01:26:45.200 You need it for.

01:26:45.700 Yeah.

01:26:45.880 I'm when I worked at a, well, that's, that's not a worthwhile story, but you know that.

01:26:51.200 See, that's the power of, that's the power of the experience, right?

01:26:53.580 Yeah.

01:26:54.100 Yeah.

01:26:54.400 Let's cut bait with that one.

01:26:55.840 That's not worth it.

01:26:56.400 But I got to tell you something.

01:26:57.500 Cause like last night, so you know, the feeling when you do like, I don't know how, what level

01:27:03.740 you work at with standup.

01:27:04.720 Like what, what's a room you would work around here?

01:27:07.660 Like, do you do theaters and stuff?

01:27:09.280 Theaters.

01:27:09.720 Yeah.

01:27:10.160 Okay.

01:27:10.420 So, but the comedy store, but I mean, yeah, like I'll do a couple thousand seat venue probably.

01:27:14.300 Okay.

01:27:14.960 So when you do a big show, that's like a concert, right?

01:27:18.140 It leaves me feeling this very dry feeling.

01:27:21.040 Like there's adrenaline in my system, which is uncomfortable, but also now I'm alone.

01:27:25.220 Like suddenly you're backstage, you're alone.

01:27:26.900 Yeah.

01:27:27.020 It's very strange.

01:27:27.840 Yeah.

01:27:28.020 They're all couples.

01:27:28.940 I mean, I don't know.

01:27:29.720 Some guys travel with an entourage, people that keep them warm.

01:27:32.520 I don't do that.

01:27:33.500 Yeah.

01:27:33.900 So I have opening acts, but everybody's often couples and groups having fun and you're alone

01:27:39.860 all of a sudden.

01:27:41.000 So I'm always left with this fucking, and last night I felt it a lot cause I had to put a

01:27:45.220 lot of pressure on last night's show cause I needed to get clean up anything I didn't

01:27:48.740 do right night one.

01:27:49.740 And it's for the special, you know?

01:27:50.860 Right.

01:27:51.100 So I was cranky and tired and exhausted and I went back to the hotel.

01:27:58.040 I felt like shit and I thought, well, I'm doing this guy's podcast.

01:28:02.620 I don't, I don't really know your work.

01:28:04.100 Yeah.

01:28:04.580 Like I know who you are.

01:28:06.260 I just automatically respect that you're successful cause I know how hard comedy is, but I thought,

01:28:12.000 I don't know.

01:28:12.400 Like I should hear, I should hear his, I should hear his voice.

01:28:15.460 You know, I should hear it.

01:28:16.140 So I just, I'm kind of ready for bed.

01:28:17.840 I don't want to do anything, but I put my phone on iTunes.

01:28:20.500 I found one of your albums.

01:28:23.440 It's like a picture of your face as a kid and what the fuck is it called?

01:28:29.020 Oh yeah.

01:28:30.700 I want to say what it is because.

01:28:34.280 What is this where Zach can help?

01:28:36.200 This is.

01:28:37.800 Wait, tell him.

01:28:38.520 No, sorry.

01:28:39.240 Musket fire.

01:28:40.320 Musket fire.

01:28:41.920 So I put on musket fires.

01:28:43.980 I'm kind of getting ready for bed and Jesus Christ.

01:28:48.100 I mean, I was, I was, I was looking for something to like, baby, I could pay him a compliment

01:28:52.720 on something.

01:28:53.360 Like, you know what I mean?

01:28:53.940 Like, I just want to be respectful and know who he is.

01:28:56.660 And I was laughing so fucking hard.

01:28:59.480 I was laughing.

01:29:00.160 I was just out.

01:29:01.000 I don't know how long it's been since a comedian has done that to me.

01:29:04.120 I was just laughing my ass off.

01:29:06.440 It's also a really good album.

01:29:07.820 Like it sounds good.

01:29:08.940 And it's, I don't know if this is what years this stuff is from.

01:29:12.900 Yeah.

01:29:13.080 It's probably from a few years back.

01:29:14.320 Yeah.

01:29:14.560 You're, you're, you're, you're like hungry.

01:29:17.160 You're like a hungry comic, but you're so, I mean, I'm just looking at the track list

01:29:21.560 so I can remember the bits.

01:29:22.740 The thing, I mean, where the, the, the, the, where the title comes from, where you said

01:29:28.400 about your father being 70.

01:29:29.820 Oh yeah.

01:29:30.320 And that there, you're, you were the only sperm.

01:29:33.060 Yeah.

01:29:33.420 And that you had to like shut the window, you had to close up the nuts.

01:29:36.720 Yeah.

01:29:37.400 And then you pass to like a skeleton sperm and you had to sweep up.

01:29:40.700 Sweep the floors.

01:29:41.340 Yeah.

01:29:41.420 Oh my God.

01:29:42.480 It was so fucking funny.

01:29:44.180 The, the, and the, and then this story about Brad Pitt.

01:29:47.660 I mean, you have a shitload of weapons.

01:29:50.360 You have like, you know, like I think of comedians as pitchers sometimes.

01:29:53.340 Like some guys have a fastball.

01:29:56.200 Yeah.

01:29:57.000 Some guys are closers.

01:29:57.900 So they just come with heat, you know, and other guys have, they can protect their

01:30:01.600 fastball with off speed stuff.

01:30:04.640 You know what I mean?

01:30:05.620 I mean, you have long stories that you tell that are, are dizzying.

01:30:11.080 I don't know how you come up with, it's like, and every story has, it's like a Christmas

01:30:15.580 tree with so many ornaments.

01:30:17.820 Oh, thanks.

01:30:18.360 But then also when you're just doing straight ahead observation about life and sex and

01:30:23.680 whatever, just talking generally, which is two, two things for comics is speaking about

01:30:28.060 their experience and their feelings and their experiences.

01:30:30.660 This is one thing, but then the other one is like, here's how I see the world.

01:30:33.400 And you do both with like a fucking, it's strong as fuck.

01:30:37.400 I mean, I listened to, then I listened to the other album, the, the, the hamsters in

01:30:41.680 the back.

01:30:42.100 Oh yeah.

01:30:43.680 You called it a Louisiana ivory or something like that.

01:30:47.700 Oh yeah.

01:30:47.980 The ivory of Arkansas, dude.

01:30:49.620 The ivory of Arkansas.

01:30:50.080 Yeah.

01:30:50.220 Cause they busted a guy with a hamster bones in our town.

01:30:52.840 Yeah.

01:30:53.060 And you stood, you figured out it must've been like 2000 hamsters or something.

01:30:56.140 We had to have a lot.

01:30:57.060 And this story where you're in a bathing suits with your friend, you're wearing wet bathing

01:31:02.260 suits surrounding a bunch of monkeys in a Wendy's parking lot, which is a poem of a

01:31:06.800 sentence.

01:31:07.260 Is there any truth to that story that really happened?

01:31:09.700 Yeah.

01:31:09.980 That happened in a, cause our town was where, thank you for the compliment.

01:31:14.100 It's nice of you.

01:31:14.980 Sure.

01:31:15.740 Um, it'll probably be one of the best compliments I ever get.

01:31:17.980 Well, it was shocking.

01:31:19.020 I was like, I, how do, how do I not, how have I never heard this guy?

01:31:22.080 Yeah.

01:31:22.800 With fucking great.

01:31:24.060 Thank you.

01:31:25.180 Well, it's crazy how we just don't get, you know, some people you don't know about people.

01:31:29.240 Yeah.

01:31:30.140 You know?

01:31:30.960 Yeah.

01:31:31.360 Well, comedians are single.

01:31:32.900 We're not even like tennis players that are one on one.

01:31:34.800 We're just one.

01:31:35.700 Right.

01:31:36.560 We're like Kings on the chessboard, you know, you're not, can't, you can't sit on the

01:31:40.180 side by side squares.

01:31:41.920 Yeah.

01:31:42.360 It's yeah.

01:31:42.760 That's really interesting.

01:31:43.620 You kind of just marvel from afar.

01:31:45.780 Yeah.

01:31:46.220 Which I think in a weird way is how I've always connected with people anyway, is just this

01:31:51.260 space.

01:31:52.320 Yeah.

01:31:52.580 There needs to be this space, you know, to have a connection.

01:31:55.480 So getting even closer, even more vulnerable, even with comedy and stuff is a thing that's

01:31:59.640 like how, that's one thing I'm watching you.

01:32:01.480 I'm like, Jesus Christ, how, what part of this dude is even talk?

01:32:05.720 Like, how is this guy speaking from the bottom of a fucking wishing well of himself?

01:32:11.800 Like, where, what, like, you're, and it's like, I don't even know what part of me is

01:32:17.540 listening to you.

01:32:18.660 It's like, it's like a fucking violent baby that likes to fuck.

01:32:24.720 And, and he, he's front row and he has no diaper on, dude, but he's fucking right there.

01:32:34.020 And I'm like, where has he been?

01:32:35.540 I didn't know he was in me.

01:32:36.720 And then I see couples watching you.

01:32:38.960 Yeah.

01:32:39.180 And I'm like, does Louie, I almost feel like he marvels at their ride home in the car.

01:32:43.640 Yeah.

01:32:43.740 I do think about that.

01:32:44.780 Yeah.

01:32:45.560 That's what I was thinking.

01:32:46.500 How does the, what do the groups say to each other?

01:32:48.860 What do two guys say to each other?

01:32:50.500 You know, cause there's that, that's hard for people to talk about something like that

01:32:54.140 after, I think they don't want to, they don't want to be the first to say they liked it or

01:32:58.240 didn't like it.

01:32:59.200 Yeah.

01:32:59.680 So people don't like me on, in my audience.

01:33:01.380 I can see it.

01:33:02.280 Wow.

01:33:02.440 I see faces of people going like, this isn't that cool, man.

01:33:06.060 And they can't, I appreciate that they came.

01:33:07.980 Like I used to think like, why the fuck are you here then?

01:33:10.380 Well, cause you don't, if you need to look at a bunch of faces, just loving you, but it's

01:33:14.920 interesting to look at people that are just like, you know, and it's interesting to me that

01:33:18.040 they came.

01:33:18.600 That they came to see what goes to something that they don't want to, it's like going

01:33:22.080 to a fire, but being like, kind of like, yeah, people do.

01:33:25.820 People like to, they want to see, they want to see that's, I think that's different about

01:33:29.580 comedy than music.

01:33:30.960 Wow.

01:33:31.420 Music.

01:33:31.880 You're a fan.

01:33:32.440 Otherwise you don't waste your time.

01:33:34.000 But when a comedian gets bigger, I think there are people who are like, well, I want

01:33:37.760 to find out, I don't like him or I haven't, I don't like what I've heard.

01:33:41.120 Yeah.

01:33:41.480 But, and there's also people that I used to have it more, but you see that there's

01:33:46.480 people who just came cause you're, you're, you're a name.

01:33:49.340 Right.

01:33:49.780 And they really didn't pay attention.

01:33:51.620 And some of those people are horrified, you know?

01:33:54.160 I mean, at the height of my career, I had people, I could see people leave cause they're

01:33:57.680 like, I didn't know he was going to talk about any of this shit, you know?

01:34:00.120 And it was weird cause the buildup to it is just only people who loved what I did.

01:34:04.400 It's a, when you get at the first stage of getting notoriety is only devoted fans who

01:34:11.820 love what you do telling their friends and that grows exponentially, but it's still people,

01:34:17.740 they only tell a friend they know will like it.

01:34:20.420 So you have just a perfect crowd for a while.

01:34:23.420 Oh yeah.

01:34:24.040 But then if you get more popular, people start coming cause they heard about you.

01:34:27.780 You start being a more accidentally noticed.

01:34:30.220 Yeah.

01:34:30.400 People want to yell.

01:34:31.160 Sometimes people just want to come and yell.

01:34:32.520 Yeah.

01:34:32.620 They just want to be at a thing.

01:34:34.000 So you're starting to get more kind of like casual fans and they don't, and they're not

01:34:38.340 fun.

01:34:38.760 They're not into it.

01:34:39.720 Yeah.

01:34:40.120 And it starts getting, you feel the way it starts getting heavy.

01:34:42.160 You start getting, the whole thing gets a little waterlogged.

01:34:44.840 There's a, I think it happens to every comedian.

01:34:46.680 I think, and there's a couple of, a couple of, a few years of my career where I felt like I

01:34:51.520 was starting to get a little shitty cause I just wasn't, I was losing my bearings,

01:34:55.020 you know?

01:34:56.360 That's fascinating, man.

01:34:57.520 It really is.

01:34:58.160 It's interesting to hear.

01:34:59.080 Cause yeah, I've had experiences where it's like you get so many fans and podcasts and

01:35:02.380 help create that.

01:35:03.500 Yeah.

01:35:04.220 And this other alternative world, you know, like, cause you, you had a, I mean, one thing

01:35:10.020 that you'll be able to say for yourself, I think even as a human, by the time you get

01:35:13.500 to the end of your life is you've gotten to have almost every experience.

01:35:16.720 Do you think so?

01:35:17.680 I think so.

01:35:18.260 You've gotten to have a lot of them.

01:35:19.220 Did you, it seemed.

01:35:20.780 What do you mean?

01:35:21.380 I mean, I don't know about all your experiences, but you've gotten to have success.

01:35:24.440 You've had success like in the mainstream version and then this other version and I don't want

01:35:29.380 and I'm paraphrasing myself cause I don't know exactly what I'm saying, but, um, this

01:35:34.700 other version of success, like kind of in this alternative ver in this, you know, do it

01:35:40.620 straight to your fans, straight to consumer, um, the movie, the 4th of July, like, dude,

01:35:47.000 unbelievable.

01:35:47.620 I was sitting there sending Joe list messages like, dude, you are so fucking good.

01:35:51.900 He's good.

01:35:52.380 Right.

01:35:53.020 Oh.

01:35:53.700 And it just captures who he is so much.

01:35:56.780 It's like, how do we get this special piece of Joe?

01:36:00.280 That's like, just so like perfect, you know, that was the exercise.

01:36:05.660 Yeah.

01:36:05.800 Um, I mean, it was, it was awesome.

01:36:09.940 It made me in spot.

01:36:11.320 It just, I can't believe you guys nailed the ability to capture everyone, but you've gotten

01:36:15.160 to have, and we'll talk about, uh, 4th of July in a second.

01:36:17.640 Um, but you have everything now through your website and you can, but what has that been

01:36:23.100 like?

01:36:23.280 Cause you had this mainstream success that is very glitzy and glamory.

01:36:27.160 And it's like a lot of us chose podcasting because there wasn't that opportunity there.

01:36:31.820 So this alternative universe kind of was created.

01:36:35.260 Um, what is, what has one been like in the other been like?

01:36:38.940 Well, I mean, I had first so many years of just struggling, you know, like, uh, I started

01:36:44.260 when I was a just 18, I think the first time I ever did it, I was 17, but I started really

01:36:49.620 trying at 18 in 1985.

01:36:51.940 It was a long fucking time ago.

01:36:53.460 It's 38 years now.

01:36:54.580 But from nine, from 1985 and when I was 18 till I was, you know, I was just a Boston

01:37:00.380 comedian for years, just trying and failing.

01:37:03.500 And, and, uh, and then I moved to New York and I started to get some sense of power, but,

01:37:08.200 but I, and I tried writing for TV as a way to make a living cause I was just, wasn't making

01:37:13.920 it as a comic, but as a standup, I worked until it wasn't really till I was like 40 that

01:37:19.440 I started to really like hit.

01:37:21.120 So I had all those years.

01:37:22.540 So that's like a whole other, you know, right, right.

01:37:24.420 People kind of forget about that.

01:37:25.500 You know, I wasn't trying to discredit you.

01:37:27.020 No, I don't feel that at all.

01:37:28.480 No, but after that, then I had, yeah, I had this big, and the biggest part of it was the

01:37:34.340 standup.

01:37:34.920 I mean, that's what fueled it all was that I was selling out theaters all of a sudden

01:37:38.440 and they couldn't be big enough.

01:37:40.640 Like I would double the size and sell it out.

01:37:43.080 I would put a show on sale and it would sell out in a minute.

01:37:46.560 And, um, and there wasn't a room in the world.

01:37:50.740 Like there wasn't an indoor space in the world.

01:37:52.600 I couldn't book.

01:37:53.840 Like we would, me and my agent would talk about where do you want to play?

01:37:56.520 Like, let's go to London, Royal Albert Hall.

01:37:58.380 If you feel like it, Wembley arena.

01:38:00.320 Yeah.

01:38:00.740 Any place.

01:38:01.660 Stonehenge.

01:38:02.100 Yeah.

01:38:02.440 Fucking Madison square garden, weird amphitheaters in Athens.

01:38:05.780 Mr. McGregor's garden.

01:38:07.160 Yeah.

01:38:07.700 Anywhere.

01:38:08.320 Anywhere.

01:38:09.260 It was crazy.

01:38:10.680 Like, I remember I would talk to one point about playing Central Park, you know, like

01:38:14.520 Simon and Garfunkel did.

01:38:16.080 Like it was crazy.

01:38:17.920 And then the TV thing, you know, I mean, I had that show and it hit, but it wasn't like

01:38:25.580 Friends or something.

01:38:26.640 It wasn't like, you know what I mean?

01:38:27.600 It wasn't a network show with a huge reach.

01:38:29.880 There's still a shit ton of people that never saw it.

01:38:31.740 It had pretty low ratings to my show.

01:38:34.000 It got a lot of press and awards and stuff and not even as many awards as other shows.

01:38:38.660 It wasn't like The Office or something.

01:38:40.340 Right.

01:38:40.860 But I loved the work.

01:38:42.620 I loved, I was getting to do the show exactly the way I wanted.

01:38:45.760 So I had huge fulfillment that way.

01:38:48.040 And yeah, it was weird.

01:38:49.000 I was getting awards and I was at award shows and stuff like that.

01:38:53.600 And I would meet somebody like Brad Pitt and he'd be like, oh, dude.

01:38:58.200 And that kind of strange feelings.

01:39:00.000 And I'm sure your ego has to build even if you don't know it.

01:39:04.340 The ego is so weird.

01:39:05.060 That's right.

01:39:05.360 That's the thing that you got to be careful if you don't know what your ego is doing.

01:39:09.160 You're just, success is very dangerous because there's no warning signs on it.

01:39:13.980 There's nothing cautionary about it in the experience.

01:39:17.440 You just believe in it.

01:39:18.960 You're just like, this is all happening because I'm good at this and because it's my time

01:39:23.360 and here we go.

01:39:25.100 And anything good that happens, you go, sure, I'll do that too.

01:39:28.100 And you just keep letting it load on and you don't think about it.

01:39:32.520 Like you ever seen the American Gangster?

01:39:36.020 It's Denzel Washington.

01:39:38.580 There is that you're watching him quietly build this huge empire.

01:39:42.440 And then it's when he goes out in the white fur coat to the fight.

01:39:46.900 He goes to a boxing match in a white fur coat.

01:39:49.440 And then the head cop, Russell Crowe, goes, who's that guy?

01:39:54.020 And he's not aware that somebody has just gone, wait a minute, who's the guy in the

01:39:59.460 white fur?

01:40:00.100 So when you're like big, getting bigger and bigger, somebody out there is going like,

01:40:04.060 what's going on with that guy?

01:40:05.020 That guy's flying awfully high.

01:40:06.680 And you just don't, you're not aware of that.

01:40:08.680 You just go, this just keeps being good.

01:40:09.820 But I'll do next year, I'll do 10 shows at the garden.

01:40:14.020 I mean, where does that go?

01:40:14.920 Where do you think that's going?

01:40:16.400 Like now I look at it like, where do you think that's headed?

01:40:19.420 Like it just can't, things that expand explode.

01:40:22.840 Right.

01:40:23.180 Yeah.

01:40:23.680 It's unsustainable for most artists in the world.

01:40:26.180 I mean, every comedian that's even gotten that big, there's been some comeback to earth

01:40:30.800 moment.

01:40:31.220 Everybody who gets that big has whatever their vulnerability is, whatever their thing

01:40:37.500 is, their Achilles heel, it's going to get hit.

01:40:40.120 Yeah.

01:40:40.460 Because the world tests you and it's also just more interesting to watch somebody go

01:40:44.120 down.

01:40:44.440 It's just part of life.

01:40:45.460 Life is a zero sum game, you know?

01:40:47.260 Yeah, I agree.

01:40:48.440 But so yeah, but having done stuff like hosting Saturday Night Live like a bunch of times,

01:40:55.120 like that was never, that wasn't in my, in my sights.

01:40:58.980 Like I didn't think these things would happen to me.

01:41:01.220 I had completely given up.

01:41:02.180 Did you really not?

01:41:03.500 I completely had given up on those things happening to me.

01:41:06.180 And just admitted to being a writer, you think?

01:41:08.180 Yeah, I thought I'd, I'll never stop doing standup, I thought, because I love it.

01:41:11.800 It's, it's the thing I love, but I can write.

01:41:14.820 I'm a good writer.

01:41:15.920 I tried making films early and they crashed and burned.

01:41:19.340 So I'm like, I'm not going to be a film director either.

01:41:21.340 Those are the big dreams, like direct movies, be a comedian.

01:41:24.580 I'm going to do comedy, but no one's ever going to love it.

01:41:28.360 And I'll go down for whatever I was maybe pulling in, you know, a few hundred people

01:41:33.000 a night down.

01:41:34.200 It'll just diminish and someday I'll have to give it up and I'll write and that'll be

01:41:38.800 okay.

01:41:39.000 I'll make other people famous, make Chris Rock famous, make Conan, you know, help other

01:41:42.480 guys get there.

01:41:43.240 And there's joy in that.

01:41:44.900 I, Chris, I love Chris.

01:41:46.720 I love him.

01:41:47.120 He was my favorite growing up.

01:41:48.140 Yeah.

01:41:48.520 He, he astonished me when he came back to standup after SNL and get inspired me a lot.

01:41:53.480 And he was, he's one of the best friends I've ever had.

01:41:56.540 And, uh, he was a great boss.

01:41:57.940 He was just my boss.

01:41:59.260 I just loved him.

01:42:00.300 He was the greatest, greatest guy.

01:42:01.640 He used to say like, you know, I'm not, it's not about me.

01:42:04.640 We're all, cause he, he hired writers that were all really good.

01:42:08.380 And he said, we're all the Yankees.

01:42:10.700 I'm, I'm, I'm in the, I'm in the cleanup spot, but I'm just the guy who has this one

01:42:14.840 role, but you're all, you know, you, you made us feel like we're all part of it.

01:42:17.680 Right.

01:42:17.880 So I liked that work, but I had no, I had really decided and I had started, I had a kid

01:42:23.540 and I was like, this is not, it's not going to happen, never going to happen for me.

01:42:27.420 And then it's something changed.

01:42:29.040 Cause when I went on stage, I just didn't, I didn't care anymore about my career.

01:42:33.440 So I just, and I was really cranky and I was starting to really, I went through a new

01:42:37.340 cranky phase and I was a tired father and, and I started talking about that and then

01:42:42.260 things, then things changed, you know.

01:42:44.700 Did it surprise you?

01:42:45.820 Yeah, it really did.

01:42:46.760 It really did.

01:42:47.220 It shocked me.

01:42:47.640 And then when I got the, the show on FX, the, the, the, they paid me the minimum.

01:42:52.120 I got paid like, you know, scale.

01:42:53.660 Yeah.

01:42:54.040 And the show had the smallest budget of any show on television, but the point was, and

01:42:58.540 it was on FX, which was nowhere at the time.

01:43:00.620 I mean, they had a few cool shows.

01:43:01.740 Yeah, but people didn't know about it.

01:43:02.840 No, so I thought I'm going to do a show and I'm going to love it and it's never going

01:43:09.180 to take off.

01:43:09.920 It's just going to be a little show.

01:43:11.580 My friend, Laura Keitlinger had done this show called the adventures of Jackie something.

01:43:16.800 And Laura's one of the funniest people I knew.

01:43:18.400 And she did a nice season on like AMC.

01:43:20.800 And I thought that's what I'm going to do.

01:43:21.760 Right.

01:43:22.240 One season of this weird little show.

01:43:24.740 And then I'll go back to them.

01:43:25.840 I got another writing job.

01:43:26.660 That's what I figured.

01:43:27.560 I had no fucking, and then we're like, you know, then we're getting on the big lists.

01:43:31.200 And then we got, I mean, I was totally shocked that that happened.

01:43:38.380 But then after a few years, I'm like, yeah, this is, you know, it's like, if you play blackjack,

01:43:42.760 you start winning, you get stupid right away.

01:43:45.740 You're like, I'm good.

01:43:46.360 It's because I'm good at blackjack.

01:43:47.660 Yeah.

01:43:48.280 Because I know what I'm doing.

01:43:50.240 And then they just, then you're busting every hand.

01:43:52.820 You're like, no, I'm a fucking asshole.

01:43:54.180 So yeah, I was in a place where I thought like, I, this is happening because I know what

01:43:58.040 I'm doing now and because I'm earning it, but a lot of it is just so weird.

01:44:02.440 You caught a wave, you caught a wave.

01:44:03.940 It was good timing.

01:44:05.160 Yeah.

01:44:05.540 It's interesting how some comedians don't even get the time.

01:44:07.700 It's like they're where they're, what they're funny is in their lifespan.

01:44:11.140 It just doesn't match with the wave of like where society is sometimes.

01:44:14.780 That's right.

01:44:15.240 There's some people that are incredible, but they weren't that at the right time.

01:44:19.200 That's one of the biggest challenges in comedy is just staying good when nobody's paying

01:44:23.500 attention and continuing to progress.

01:44:25.720 Cause it's like this searchlight that maybe finds you sometimes.

01:44:28.700 And if every time it finds you, you're, you're getting better and better than the, then someone

01:44:33.940 in the, somebody in the world will start to go, this guy is a good bet.

01:44:37.320 They'll start putting money on you.

01:44:38.560 Yeah.

01:44:39.420 But, uh, but anyway, then when I, when I started to pull in the, when it became like total,

01:44:44.760 like just nothing fails area on the road, cause standup was always the most important

01:44:50.000 thing.

01:44:51.640 I thought an interesting way to leverage this would be to make a connection with the fans

01:44:59.800 through this website, because I could have started taking huge checks from big promoting

01:45:05.520 companies, you know, just those, there are tours where they just give you the money first.

01:45:09.760 Right.

01:45:09.800 Right.

01:45:09.980 It's like, here's 7 million bucks or whatever.

01:45:11.860 And then we're going to charge your fans $600 a ticket.

01:45:14.860 Right.

01:45:15.120 You know, we're going to sell, and then we're going to sell those tickets to our own reseller,

01:45:18.340 you know, to, we're going to make money that way.

01:45:20.760 And we're going to give you, they can do stuff like, we'll give you a jet.

01:45:23.360 Verizon's paying for the jet.

01:45:24.520 And now you have a Verizon sign above your, you know, they have, you have sponsorships

01:45:28.140 on the tour and, and then they, they load on other comedians that they owe money to,

01:45:31.660 that they're trying to burn off the money.

01:45:33.400 And you're doing rooms that are just off that they own, you know, it's just, but it's

01:45:38.040 $7 million.

01:45:38.980 Here you go.

01:45:39.380 That's what you get for your 30 year climb.

01:45:42.580 That's what that's, you know, right.

01:45:44.760 Um, but to me, it was more interesting to go.

01:45:47.220 Cause I, I was interested in like ticket master has all the emails.

01:45:51.040 They know those are the Glenn Gary leads they have.

01:45:53.680 But if I make a website and sell directly to people and I think about how I don't like

01:45:58.640 buying stuff when they ask me for my email, I don't like, yeah, I hate it.

01:46:02.400 I don't like belonging to stuff.

01:46:03.880 I don't like joining.

01:46:04.880 Right.

01:46:05.060 I don't want to do that to my fans either.

01:46:06.420 No.

01:46:06.820 So we just make it that you just pay the five bucks and it's in $5 was this like crisp

01:46:12.120 little number.

01:46:13.360 And then you have it.

01:46:14.640 And I don't care if you fucking share it.

01:46:16.500 Don't be a dick and make money on it, but I don't give a shit that much.

01:46:19.700 It's never going to, it's not going to ruin my life if other people share my products.

01:46:23.560 Right.

01:46:24.080 And at the time, this idea of protecting your product was getting bigger because digital

01:46:28.200 was new, you know?

01:46:29.900 And, uh, and then I got your email and, and, and if, if you want to give me your email,

01:46:35.380 you have to give it to me.

01:46:36.060 Like we made it hard to get, to get on the list.

01:46:38.020 So I got this little list and started growing and it just, that saved my life.

01:46:42.480 Cause that's, I've still have, that list is getting bigger and bigger, but it's, that's

01:46:46.620 who I go to now.

01:46:49.000 Um, has that been, do you find more, do you miss the notoriety of?

01:46:54.600 Not even a little bit.

01:46:55.820 Interesting.

01:46:56.720 Not even a slight.

01:46:57.620 And that's true.

01:46:58.440 That's a hundred percent true.

01:47:00.020 I don't miss it.

01:47:01.200 I don't, the thing I just do.

01:47:03.980 I mean, I've been touring for three years.

01:47:05.500 Right, right.

01:47:06.060 Yeah.

01:47:06.180 It's all over the world and big places.

01:47:08.440 A lot of my friends have been working with you on and off over the years.

01:47:10.700 And I know that for sure.

01:47:12.840 But yeah, I guess I was wondering, do you miss that Hollywood style kind of notoriety?

01:47:16.400 Cause that's the two, that's the things that, that podcasters always miss a little bit.

01:47:19.660 They're not like in this.

01:47:20.820 It's so funny to me too.

01:47:22.080 Cause like I have friends, like Shane is a buddy of mine, Shane Gillis.

01:47:25.200 And he's got a, he puts sketches on YouTube and hundreds of thousands of people watch

01:47:29.900 them and people worship Shane and he sells out big places and he's having a great time.

01:47:34.400 And he's like, I'll never get on television.

01:47:37.020 Like, what the fuck are you talking about?

01:47:40.440 Like, what is your problem?

01:47:42.120 Yeah.

01:47:42.600 It's like a guy who invented the, the telegraph and he's like, they'll never let me on the

01:47:46.120 Pony Express.

01:47:47.060 It's like, you just killed the Pony Express.

01:47:49.560 What the fuck are you worried about?

01:47:52.220 This has so much more power.

01:47:54.660 That shit is dead.

01:47:56.000 And it's still, you know, you think about, well, I grew up thinking about the Tonight

01:47:58.600 Show.

01:47:59.060 Oh, that's what everybody thinks about.

01:48:00.100 There's not, if you could do Jimmy Kimmel every night for six weeks and kill, and you

01:48:07.400 ain't going to sell one ticket off that.

01:48:09.880 Nobody's watching comedians and they don't even know where to find you.

01:48:13.480 No.

01:48:14.340 This, this shit, it spreads.

01:48:17.020 It's on every, it's all over the, it's crazy.

01:48:19.020 You have the same bandwidth as NBC, ABC, or any of them.

01:48:23.560 Yeah.

01:48:23.780 And, and, and, but the difference is you got something people are never, the fans you

01:48:28.700 have from doing this, they're never going to let you go.

01:48:30.740 You're going to stay with you.

01:48:32.340 Yeah.

01:48:32.900 So.

01:48:33.140 That's a blessing.

01:48:33.920 It is.

01:48:34.300 And when you can go to direct, it's just, I do stand up now and people come and we have

01:48:39.080 a great time and they pay me.

01:48:41.780 And what the fuck else could I possibly want?

01:48:44.560 These, these are people I care about.

01:48:46.260 They, they went out of their homes.

01:48:47.720 I know fucking got a babysitter and parked somewhere and then sat politely in a fucking

01:48:54.720 seat with strangers and listened to me and gave me a shit ton of money.

01:49:00.480 I mean, when I went back to clubs first, I'm like, I'm in clubs again.

01:49:03.900 Like, that's all, that's all I got.

01:49:06.520 I thought that might hurt.

01:49:07.820 It might, that's, I didn't know if I would feel like this, but when I first was like the

01:49:11.640 St. Louis funny moment, I remember, you know, the, the soda thing is right next to you

01:49:17.300 going, like speeding soda to the bar.

01:49:20.300 Oh yeah.

01:49:20.580 You're in a back room with just soda machines.

01:49:22.820 That was one of the last ones you could smoke in too.

01:49:24.820 Yeah.

01:49:24.980 You could, it's still.

01:49:25.840 Oh, you can?

01:49:26.300 Good.

01:49:26.420 They had that early smoking show.

01:49:28.580 And, uh, I was like, here I am.

01:49:31.540 But I went on stage in that place, you know, the crowd is just all around you and it's

01:49:35.900 hot.

01:49:36.160 You feel a heat, like you could see kind of like a, like steam coming off of them and it's

01:49:41.440 a dump.

01:49:42.340 Yeah.

01:49:42.700 You feel like if you just pushed one of the walls hard enough, the whole club would fall

01:49:47.180 down.

01:49:47.760 Yeah.

01:49:48.680 And, uh, and I had a fucking ball.

01:49:51.500 I had such a good time and it was hard work.

01:49:53.680 I did like two Friday, two Saturday, like the old days.

01:49:57.320 And then I got paid and I'm, I'm for whatever I am, I can still get 80, 90% of the door.

01:50:03.240 Yeah.

01:50:03.560 And 80, 90% of the door of a comedy club after, you know, Thursday through Saturday, that's

01:50:09.740 crazy money now playing the garden.

01:50:12.840 And then the another arena, the next night for 20 nights in a row is astronomically more,

01:50:18.000 but I don't feel that money.

01:50:19.360 I don't need, you know what I mean?

01:50:20.280 That doesn't feel like more.

01:50:21.600 Right.

01:50:22.540 It's just like, yeah, that's a shit ton of money.

01:50:24.320 It's all gone now because I'm stupid.

01:50:26.900 And I, cause I made movies with it.

01:50:28.620 I'd make my own stuff with my own money now, but that fucking funny bone check.

01:50:35.120 I was like, who needs more than that, man?

01:50:37.200 And that's, and, and I'm with comedians.

01:50:39.400 I love, I'm choosing my openers.

01:50:41.340 We're having fun together.

01:50:43.400 Um, and then I called enough money together to make that movie with Joe and we don't get,

01:50:48.540 you know, I don't get written about.

01:50:50.040 I'm not, you know, when I, I've made two specials of the last years and yeah, does that hurt?

01:50:54.140 No, it doesn't.

01:50:55.120 It really doesn't because a shit ton of people buy them on the site and folks that want,

01:51:00.640 I'm back to that place where if you're watching me, it's cause you really want to hear this,

01:51:04.900 these jokes, it's not cause you want to like, you know, see what this means inside the culture

01:51:10.840 or you don't want to, you're not trying to clam on to, to act cool.

01:51:14.580 Cause you like me.

01:51:15.280 It's just, you're into the comedy.

01:51:17.440 Yeah.

01:51:17.720 If you're, if you're watching me, you're into the comedy.

01:51:19.580 There's no other reason to do it.

01:51:21.480 And I like that.

01:51:22.400 And I have my friends in the industry and in my community, my pro I have my real friends.

01:51:27.920 I lost a lot, but now I have real friends and I love them and, and I love their success.

01:51:33.740 Doing that with Joe is a big thing for me because that was his story.

01:51:37.920 It was his voice.

01:51:39.240 So given a movie to a young guy who, you know, who I just thought was worthy and somebody

01:51:44.540 should listen to this guy and I don't think anybody else is going to make a movie for him.

01:51:47.540 So that felt great.

01:51:50.940 And it's a small, it's a small movie.

01:51:52.400 It's got a small scale, you know, it's not like some like, whoa, it's just a fucking real

01:51:58.080 story.

01:51:58.800 So I got to do that and it's, it's inching towards making its money back.

01:52:02.800 It's just, it's just, you know, it costs a lot because of the pandemic.

01:52:06.040 It was expensive to shoot during the pandemic, but, but no, it's really good.

01:52:11.580 It's a, and, and I, I don't know, you can, you can have a life like that.

01:52:16.120 You don't have to take every, every opportunity.

01:52:18.800 I don't think that that Hollywood notoriety, that membership of that club, it's not really

01:52:24.360 good for you.

01:52:25.480 I don't think it, it's cool.

01:52:29.040 It's a fun trip.

01:52:30.200 If you can make the trip, if you can get that big, go on the trip.

01:52:34.140 If you can go on some red carpets, have fun.

01:52:38.880 It's a thing.

01:52:39.420 It's worth experiencing.

01:52:40.740 If you can host Saturday Night Live, go fucking do it and make the most of it and do your best

01:52:44.940 and try to be yourself.

01:52:45.740 Try to, it's really everybody that has made it and had a real, like, like you're saying

01:52:51.540 at the end of life going, I, I did all this.

01:52:53.780 It's, could you stay yourself during it?

01:52:55.940 Because if you're not yourself, if you change in order to stay in those places, because that's

01:53:00.360 the first thing they'll ask you to do.

01:53:01.880 Oh yeah.

01:53:02.180 That's what I tried when I got to Los Angeles.

01:53:04.740 Then if you do that, then you're not the one experiencing it anymore.

01:53:07.420 You're lost.

01:53:09.060 You just, not you, you, you became somebody else to do that.

01:53:11.840 And then you start getting this weird feeling about that.

01:53:14.120 Yeah.

01:53:14.240 That's so interesting.

01:53:15.060 I was, I've been a part of things where it's like, I don't feel like this is me.

01:53:18.920 And it's because I wasn't choosing it.

01:53:20.740 It wasn't me choosing it.

01:53:21.860 So then of course it's not going to be me that shows up to it every day.

01:53:25.500 No.

01:53:25.860 That's a fascinating note for anybody.

01:53:27.500 And this could be a relationship, a job, anything you're in.

01:53:29.980 If you're wondering why something doesn't feel right all the time or doesn't fit, or you're

01:53:33.820 not showing up the same way that feels comfortable to you.

01:53:36.760 It's because of that very reason right there.

01:53:40.700 Yeah.

01:53:40.840 Because you kind of desire can come from a lot of things.

01:53:43.480 It's not always internal.

01:53:44.660 Sometimes it's like, I've been told I want this, or this feels like this might get me

01:53:49.020 out of where I am.

01:53:50.060 This seems like what I should be doing.

01:53:51.440 Yes.

01:53:52.020 Or it might be a step that, that feels right to me.

01:53:54.820 I've seen other people do that.

01:53:56.240 Or sometimes it's just like, maybe this will get me out of my misery.

01:54:00.940 Maybe this will change everything.

01:54:02.400 That kind of thing.

01:54:03.660 But the thing you got to ask yourself is, am I being Theo when I take this step forward?

01:54:08.860 Like, what would he do?

01:54:10.700 Because, and if it looks so good, but you're like, that ain't me, man.

01:54:15.000 You say to yourself, yeah, but it's okay.

01:54:17.100 Because I'll take that step and then there'll be another me step past that.

01:54:21.140 But there's no more you.

01:54:22.120 Like, if you take one step that's not you, you have nowhere to put the next foot.

01:54:27.460 It's not you anymore.

01:54:28.420 It's not your yard.

01:54:29.340 You're not nowhere.

01:54:30.280 But if you take a step that's like, this seems like a bad idea.

01:54:34.760 This is hard.

01:54:36.080 Nobody likes this.

01:54:38.060 But it's me, man.

01:54:39.320 What am I going to do?

01:54:40.080 Then when you take that step, the great thing is no matter what comes at you, all you got

01:54:43.840 to do is lift your foot and plan it again.

01:54:45.480 You're still you.

01:54:46.420 You can, you get you through hard times and it'll keep you available for good times.

01:54:51.600 Yeah.

01:54:52.280 As yourself.

01:54:53.660 Wow.

01:54:53.880 You know, there's nothing, there's nothing else.

01:54:56.160 There's nothing else.

01:54:57.000 All that stuff.

01:54:58.260 It's, it's got a gross side to it.

01:55:01.340 But if you're yourself, again, if you can be yourself in it, you can observe it.

01:55:06.280 You can find love there.

01:55:08.400 There's love everywhere.

01:55:09.420 So you can find friends and you can find interesting things.

01:55:12.580 You know, if you're in an award show, there's people working the cameras and stuff.

01:55:15.280 And like a lot of them were people I knew from like Conan, like croup members.

01:55:19.880 So I'd be at an award show going like, I shouldn't be here.

01:55:22.240 And then I'd see, you know, a guy who like, Hey, and I go like, Hey, there's love there,

01:55:25.720 you know?

01:55:26.040 Yeah.

01:55:26.620 Or a weird actor I worked with for some, on some a long time ago.

01:55:29.940 And he's, you know, there is people there, there's, you can find a loving and a self

01:55:34.660 path through anything.

01:55:36.660 But if you depend on it, if you're like, I won't feel good if everybody, if I'm not a

01:55:40.200 Hollywood A-lister, you might as well fucking pack it in.

01:55:44.200 That's, it's not a good way to live.

01:55:47.480 Yeah, man.

01:55:48.380 It's just, it's so interesting to hear some of that.

01:55:50.280 Cause I've had spots even in this, the past couple of years of my life where I chose to

01:55:53.120 do certain things and I'm like, I know this doesn't feel right, but I feel like I need

01:55:56.860 to do it for money or I feel like I need to do it for, and once I got out of some of

01:56:02.120 that, everything has fallen so much more into place.

01:56:04.900 I've gotten my semblance of human, like I just feel like myself more again.

01:56:09.140 It's been pretty fascinating.

01:56:10.640 Good.

01:56:11.640 When it comes to like love in your life, has that been a tough thing?

01:56:14.700 I find like as a comedian, like I get so analytical about stuff and obviously we were talking a

01:56:19.640 little bit about how like getting into emotional spaces can be like a real, you know, that can

01:56:25.940 be like a real, it's a real, it can be a tough space sometimes for comedians.

01:56:30.680 Yeah.

01:56:31.540 Has it been, sometimes I notice even with like being in love or something like that, I'll

01:56:35.660 like, I'll be analyzing it so much.

01:56:38.260 It's hard for me to actually be in the feelings.

01:56:40.680 Yeah.

01:56:41.140 Cause I'm like, it's like to be in the feelings, you almost have to let go of some control kind

01:56:47.380 of, you know?

01:56:48.780 And so have you had experiences like that in your life?

01:56:51.440 Has it been kind of tough or what's that kind of been like?

01:56:53.340 Cause I know you've had, you've been married and you've been a parent.

01:56:55.420 I was married.

01:56:55.840 Yeah.

01:56:56.100 I've got two kids.

01:56:57.460 That's a different kind of love.

01:56:58.780 It's a, that's a forever, it's a love you just have.

01:57:01.020 It's like you can't choose that.

01:57:03.220 Was that hard for that?

01:57:04.140 Cause sometimes I fear that like, because love seems so negotiable sometimes I think, cause

01:57:10.240 it was like that when I was, it felt like that when I was a kid that I worry that it's

01:57:14.600 going to be like that if I'm a parent.

01:57:15.980 How is it negotiable when you're a kid?

01:57:17.660 You mean conditional?

01:57:19.000 You mean like it can go away if you don't do the right thing or something?

01:57:22.180 What do you mean?

01:57:22.900 Yeah.

01:57:23.100 I think like if you don't, uh, yeah, if you're not like, I don't know, if you're not

01:57:32.600 something, then you don't deserve something, you know, or something like that, you know?

01:57:40.400 Yeah.

01:57:40.880 I have a dog.

01:57:42.340 You have a dog?

01:57:43.220 Uh-uh.

01:57:43.820 I've got a dog and she's like my wife now, like it's me and her, you know?

01:57:47.340 And, uh, we, I mean, my kids are in my life and we have a great joy, but my dog's with

01:57:53.520 me every single day when I'm home.

01:57:55.160 Oh, wow.

01:57:56.100 And, uh, I was with my dog once and I'd smoked a little, I don't smoke weed very much, but

01:58:03.040 I went to Washington Square Park and just bought some weed and it was, I think it was a little,

01:58:06.980 a little much.

01:58:08.060 Oh, yeah.

01:58:09.000 Some weed makes people gay even.

01:58:10.660 It makes gay people even gayer.

01:58:14.220 Oh, dude, I've never seen that.

01:58:15.940 No, but I was, uh, I was like, uh, getting existential and weird, you know?

01:58:21.520 Yeah.

01:58:21.860 But my dog came over and sat with me, so I just kind of hung on to her and I said to

01:58:26.600 her, you know, you don't have to do anything.

01:58:29.380 You don't ever have to do anything.

01:58:31.200 I said, you don't have to worry.

01:58:33.100 You don't have to try.

01:58:35.020 You don't have to be sorry.

01:58:37.520 You don't have to promise.

01:58:39.400 Uh, you don't have to regret.

01:58:41.720 All you got to do is sit there and just take the love that's coming at you.

01:58:45.080 That's all you got to do is just be and just take the love that's just coming.

01:58:51.120 And then I thought, I can say that to myself too.

01:58:53.360 I can say that to anybody, you know?

01:58:55.760 I mean, if you're willing to just be yourself and just sit there.

01:58:59.000 Yeah.

01:58:59.420 It's, it's hard.

01:59:00.660 Sometimes you're just alone.

01:59:01.660 Sometimes you're just lonely.

01:59:03.120 Sometimes you don't find somebody.

01:59:04.400 You don't find love.

01:59:06.080 But once you have kids, it's, it's a tricky thing with kids too.

01:59:09.840 Cause you want to love them and, and then you also got to let them go.

01:59:12.820 You also got to let them depart your life.

01:59:14.600 You got to let them.

01:59:15.820 My kids are 18 and 21 now, 17 and 21, about 18 in a few months, but they, they start to,

01:59:21.960 you know, and yet, and then it turns to do a different, everything that takes away from

01:59:25.940 you gives, you get another, it's a zero sum game.

01:59:28.480 Yeah.

01:59:28.680 So your kids aren't little, you know, holding your hand anymore, but you can watch a movie

01:59:34.420 and make fun of a movie together.

01:59:35.840 You know what I mean?

01:59:36.520 Right.

01:59:36.760 And talk about life and be friends.

01:59:39.360 And that's incredible with somebody who you used to wipe her little face, you know?

01:59:44.480 And now you're laughing at a fucking shitty movie together and talking about how shitty

01:59:47.680 this movie fucking sucks.

01:59:49.160 Yeah.

01:59:49.360 Cursing together, you know?

01:59:50.620 Yeah.

01:59:51.060 That's really something.

01:59:52.360 Oh yeah.

01:59:52.700 I want to curse at my fucking kid.

01:59:54.320 Yeah.

01:59:54.520 You need to have kids.

01:59:55.480 I think, I think you should have kids.

01:59:56.720 Yeah.

01:59:56.940 And, and I don't know, I mean, the, the, that love with a, with a woman, with a partner,

02:00:01.320 that's a lot harder because you're both armed with self protection and stuff.

02:00:06.400 Yeah, totally.

02:00:07.300 And so I think the thing that you got to be willing to just try it and fail.

02:00:11.500 You have to, it has to be okay for you that if it doesn't work out, cause it mostly usually

02:00:16.120 doesn't.

02:00:16.520 I think it should be okay with people that you combine with somebody and you try and a bunch

02:00:21.840 of stuff doesn't work and you fuck some and you have fun and you do something exciting

02:00:26.120 like having kids together.

02:00:27.760 And then when it's just, when it starts to rot, you get the fuck out.

02:00:32.000 It's okay.

02:00:33.120 Just get out.

02:00:33.900 You're done.

02:00:34.520 Your dad did it.

02:00:35.400 You just get, you know, my daddy, you know, my parents broke up.

02:00:39.200 Vamanos.

02:00:39.800 Yeah.

02:00:40.080 Thank God my parents broke up.

02:00:41.620 Thank God.

02:00:42.200 Yeah.

02:00:42.340 That's a great point, huh?

02:00:43.720 Sometimes I romanticize things to the point where if the re, if I were able to look at

02:00:48.000 the reality of it, I would see that it's a fucking nightmare, you know, but I can't get

02:00:54.140 there sometimes in my head because I get stuck so much in the romanization.

02:00:58.140 Well, cause your feelings are, yeah, your feelings run a lot of your life and you can't reason

02:01:02.680 with them.

02:01:03.340 I know.

02:01:03.780 It's crazy, isn't it?

02:01:04.680 You can't.

02:01:04.980 You can't.

02:01:05.260 Who made them?

02:01:06.000 I don't know.

02:01:07.840 I don't know who the fuck is inside.

02:01:09.740 I don't know.

02:01:10.280 I don't, it's a big fucking mystery.

02:01:13.100 But, uh, yeah, you can't, you're in a thing with somebody, especially young.

02:01:17.080 I don't know.

02:01:17.340 It gets easier when you get older.

02:01:18.800 Like now when I meet somebody, if I'm starting to get romantic with somebody when there's

02:01:22.060 conflict, I just go, yeah, I can't.

02:01:23.720 We're not, we don't need to do that.

02:01:24.920 Do we?

02:01:25.240 Like you, you get to it quicker.

02:01:27.040 Right.

02:01:27.760 Then when you're younger, you get, you start having a, you're like you're too, you're like

02:01:32.780 playing a battleship where you have a, you can't see each other's boards.

02:01:36.040 You're driving past each other's house.

02:01:38.360 You put a nair in each other's shampoo.

02:01:40.080 I put nair in a girl's shampoo.

02:01:41.500 You did?

02:01:42.280 Yeah, dude.

02:01:42.940 Oh my God.

02:01:43.920 Fucking pretty awesome.

02:01:48.000 Yeah, dude.

02:01:48.760 Those are the days cause we had to do it.

02:01:52.580 And she, she still tries to hook up with me these days.

02:01:54.900 You know, by the way, there's a bit of yours in that first album that has a potential, you

02:01:59.480 touched on something and a great idea for a bit and you didn't finish it.

02:02:03.620 Yeah.

02:02:03.860 I've heard a few comics do that, you know, you're talking about farts and you have, first of all,

02:02:09.400 you have a take on it.

02:02:09.960 I've never heard which you say, I hate farting.

02:02:11.840 I've just never heard anybody say that.

02:02:13.280 Yeah.

02:02:13.720 I hate farting.

02:02:14.840 But at the end of the bit, you say toward it to yourself, you go, we got to, we got to

02:02:19.380 get, we got to beat them.

02:02:20.600 We got to beat farts.

02:02:21.500 We got to beat them.

02:02:22.120 And you just sort of say it a few times.

02:02:23.280 We got to beat them.

02:02:24.120 The idea of that there's a cure for farts is a fucking hilarious that we need to find

02:02:29.600 a cure.

02:02:30.980 Nobody's even thinking about curing farts.

02:02:34.360 That's unbelievable.

02:02:35.260 What if we can come up with a cure for farts?

02:02:37.860 That's a great, I mean, that to me, that's like, I want you to go there.

02:02:41.480 But no, I appreciate it, man.

02:02:43.000 Yeah.

02:02:43.380 You had some great, you had some cool material about that last night, man.

02:02:46.660 Dude, there's so many, you don't give me a chance that it's like, that's why I'm like,

02:02:50.800 do I have to go back and watch it again because I don't even have a, before I'm processing

02:02:56.480 shit, I'm like so far into the fucking fun house, there's like a disabled man eating my

02:03:03.140 ass, dude.

02:03:03.980 And I'm trying to fucking order a Reuben.

02:03:06.560 It's like, I literally don't even know what's going on, dude.

02:03:10.640 Maybe I'm going too fast.

02:03:11.780 Maybe I should go.

02:03:12.780 I want, I do want to talk about 4th of July, man.

02:03:14.760 I'm in recovery.

02:03:15.500 I got like eight months.

02:03:16.440 So it was, thank you.

02:03:18.160 And it, so it was nice for me to just see those guys, you know, and, uh, and just like

02:03:24.580 a part of it that people don't like, like Joe's sponsor calling him.

02:03:31.100 No worries.

02:03:31.900 Take your, take a moment.

02:03:34.000 Water down the wrong pipe.

02:03:36.420 Isn't that crazy, man?

02:03:38.140 Yeah.

02:03:38.760 And water tries to like, fuck our lungs.

02:03:40.580 No, you could die.

02:03:42.260 Oh yeah.

02:03:42.820 If you get a lot.

02:03:43.800 Well, I mean, it's what it feels like.

02:03:45.280 Yeah.

02:03:45.560 It's really every, all the comfort you have that you're alive.

02:03:48.700 You could just squeeze this little, put a little bit of water.

02:03:52.340 Like it's probably this much water.

02:03:54.480 And it's like, I'm dying.

02:03:55.560 I'm dying.

02:03:56.880 Dude.

02:03:57.200 If I have tuna fish.

02:03:58.240 Cause a lot of times if, you know, when you're coming up, you have to cook in your hotel room

02:04:01.020 and that, you know?

02:04:01.540 Yeah.

02:04:01.820 Yeah.

02:04:02.160 So I'd mix like tuna and stuff in a, uh, hot plate or something.

02:04:06.180 No, just in a styrofoam cup.

02:04:07.480 Okay.

02:04:08.260 And then, um, but if I had Gatorade, electrolytes and tuna, my throat would shut down and I

02:04:13.580 didn't know.

02:04:14.140 Oh really?

02:04:14.760 Some crazy reaction.

02:04:17.060 So yeah.

02:04:18.260 One time I, I was fucking losing.

02:04:20.040 I called 911 and I'm losing it.

02:04:22.160 It was the first time that it happened.

02:04:23.000 I got really scared and I went up to this, uh, not a maitre d'.

02:04:27.720 What's the lady that helps clean the room, clean the hotel?

02:04:29.760 Definitely not a maitre d'.

02:04:31.140 Yeah.

02:04:31.400 What is it?

02:04:31.640 You mean the maid?

02:04:32.420 Maid.

02:04:32.960 Maid.

02:04:33.120 The cleaning lady.

02:04:33.700 Yeah.

02:04:33.900 Yeah.

02:04:34.320 Or maid.

02:04:34.700 Um, I went up to her and I'm like fucking, you know, trying to fucking do like this,

02:04:41.040 you know, and Gatorade, you know, like fish and Gatorade.

02:04:46.840 Oh bro.

02:04:47.020 And I remember putting, literally putting my fingers in my throat and fucking holding it

02:04:51.020 open enough so I could breathe.

02:04:52.360 Like, wow.

02:04:53.080 But it's just when that pipe, it's like the littlest thing, man.

02:04:55.660 No man, you're gone.

02:04:56.720 That's why waterboarding works.

02:04:58.020 All you just, you could go like this and I'll like, I'll tell you everything.

02:05:00.960 Oh yeah.

02:05:01.860 Forget it.

02:05:02.460 Um, the movie was so great.

02:05:06.120 Can I ask you just as a, how much does it cost to make a movie like this?

02:05:10.580 And I know you said it was more during the pandemic.

02:05:12.220 It's way too much.

02:05:13.040 Okay.

02:05:13.700 It was like something like 2 million bucks, which that movie shouldn't have cost that

02:05:17.160 much, but there's two reasons.

02:05:18.900 One was the pandemic because that just, it was like 30% more.

02:05:22.340 Everything costs 30% more.

02:05:23.660 Right.

02:05:24.300 And then the other thing was that I was coming back to, I hadn't filmed anything in a long

02:05:28.120 time and cause the pandemic had happened and I just wanted to really enjoy it.

02:05:32.740 I wanted to really make a movie and not worry about low, low budget movie just means you're

02:05:37.800 dragging your balls on the gravel and it's just every single, single thing you do is

02:05:43.300 hard and everybody around you is stressed out cause nobody's getting paid enough and

02:05:46.660 you're working bad hours and stuff.

02:05:48.420 I just didn't want to do it.

02:05:49.700 I just wanted to like, so we, we did a comfortable version of it.

02:05:53.140 It still was very low budget.

02:05:54.320 That's still very low for a feature movie.

02:05:56.980 You sorry?

02:05:57.440 Yeah.

02:05:57.800 Yeah.

02:05:58.160 But, uh, but I'll, and also we shot in this house that, that, that was the heart, the

02:06:03.520 biggest expense probably was the house cause we had to find, I couldn't make the movie

02:06:07.760 unless that house was the exact right kind of law roomy log cabin had to be on a lake and

02:06:14.740 it had to be in a place that felt like Maine.

02:06:17.360 It was actually in upstate New York and Lake George.

02:06:20.160 And that was a, an, and a place that's willing to be rented as a house.

02:06:23.700 So we, the place, there's like a list usually of location people that put themselves out

02:06:27.780 there as were available.

02:06:29.220 None of them worked.

02:06:30.220 So I had to have a guy, I, the location guy is a guy named Jeff Karen from Louie for

02:06:36.440 my series.

02:06:37.080 And I went to him and asked him to do it.

02:06:39.340 And he said, I don't do that anymore.

02:06:40.460 I'm retired.

02:06:41.080 Like he is a whole other life.

02:06:42.820 And I just begged him and he came out of retirement just, just for me.

02:06:46.840 And so he, cause he had to just go real estate listings and go hit the fucking bricks all

02:06:53.140 over like Northern America, you know, and go to people's doors and knock on them and

02:06:58.020 say, are you willing to be a location?

02:06:59.360 That kind of cold calling, it was very hard to find the right place.

02:07:02.960 And then once we found the place that was willing, they could have doubled the price.

02:07:06.360 We still would have paid it.

02:07:07.240 Cause so it costs a lot.

02:07:09.160 And then we put Lake George is in this little town where it's really expensive.

02:07:13.620 So there's no hotel.

02:07:15.260 So we had to find housing.

02:07:16.620 We had to find like basically vacation homes for the whole cast and crew.

02:07:21.040 And that was the hugest.

02:07:23.220 Anyway, it's a long explanation, but it's a lot.

02:07:25.820 It shows how much goes into all that.

02:07:27.180 Yeah.

02:07:27.320 A movie like that should, you should be able to make it for under a million bucks.

02:07:30.900 It's, it's so, it's just people talking.

02:07:33.080 It's pretty simple.

02:07:34.100 I mean, we shot in New York city too, which is expensive.

02:07:36.300 So for the first like 30 minutes of the movie, um, but there's a lot of ways.

02:07:41.440 There's so many cameras now that are, have as good a sensor as any other camera and the

02:07:46.520 great lenses of the world you can rent and everything else is rentable.

02:07:49.840 And there's people that have film equipment who are dying to use it now cause they overbought

02:07:54.320 and, and, uh, you can usually pull it.

02:07:57.000 I mean, the unions are, are strict and you have to use union crews most of the time.

02:08:00.980 Um, so if you're really trying to make a movie with like a, you know, carpentry department

02:08:06.100 and electrical and, and grips and everything, yeah, it's hard to keep the cost down a bit.

02:08:12.500 But if you just do it with your friends with the camera, you can do it for whatever costs

02:08:15.860 to rent the clothes and, you know.

02:08:17.960 Yeah.

02:08:18.320 It's interesting.

02:08:18.700 Once you go over that union line, once you get into like that, when once somebody calls

02:08:21.980 their agent, you're fucked.

02:08:23.300 That's right.

02:08:24.160 Yeah.

02:08:24.600 It's just the way it is.

02:08:25.580 Yeah.

02:08:26.240 It's expensive.

02:08:27.660 Um, it was it.

02:08:29.700 Yeah, man.

02:08:29.980 I just thought it was incredible.

02:08:31.040 That moment.

02:08:32.620 I don't want to give it away really, but there's a nice moment where the dad comes into the

02:08:37.660 room with Joe.

02:08:40.140 Yeah.

02:08:40.640 Towards the end.

02:08:41.340 Yeah.

02:08:41.820 With the phone.

02:08:42.900 Yeah.

02:08:43.320 It's funny.

02:08:43.840 Cause he's so subtle.

02:08:45.020 Well, he had a whole speech that he gave.

02:08:47.360 Oh, he didn't.

02:08:47.980 He took it out.

02:08:49.280 Yeah.

02:08:49.660 That was the kind of like the point of the whole movie was that he gives this speech.

02:08:53.400 That's what I was kind of waiting.

02:08:54.100 I was waiting for that a little, but then I just accepted that it was just a moment.

02:08:58.040 That was weird.

02:08:58.620 Cause we did.

02:08:59.800 So when we wrote it, it was all about this dad, even though he says nothing through almost

02:09:05.540 the whole movie, he's totally silent.

02:09:07.560 And it, and Joe and his mom are just at loggerheads and, uh, she runs the family and he's trying

02:09:14.960 to become an individual, but be loved by her.

02:09:18.040 And it's impossible.

02:09:18.780 She's withholding, like your mom sounds like she was, didn't know how to love, you know?

02:09:22.940 So he's dealing with that, but you just see once in a while, we go to these shots that

02:09:26.320 are just quiet, private shots of the dad, like not knowing how to deal.

02:09:31.120 And Joe has a big anxiety disorder that we kind of portray through weird filming.

02:09:35.680 And at one point we show that the dad also has.

02:09:38.180 Yes.

02:09:38.680 Oh, I didn't catch that.

02:09:40.080 I did, but I didn't.

02:09:41.080 Yeah.

02:09:41.200 Like he's kind of like an undiagnosed older guy with, he's got an anxiety disorder, but

02:09:45.080 nobody told him, you know, nobody told that generation that there was like a thing

02:09:48.200 wrong with him.

02:09:49.000 So he's dealing with that.

02:09:50.580 And then, and then at the end, when Joe feels like he's kind of figured stuff out, he comes

02:09:54.920 in and says this thing.

02:09:55.860 And it was this speech where he says, he starts trying to, he's struggling to talk because

02:10:02.080 he doesn't, he's, because he's an anxious guy.

02:10:04.620 He's socially anxious.

02:10:06.200 And he starts telling him about, he was, he said, when I played football, um, I was a lineman

02:10:11.920 in high school and we were playing Brockton high.

02:10:15.000 And he tells the story about seeing the quarterback and that he could sack him and win the game.

02:10:22.520 But, uh, he hesitated and the guy lofted the pass over his head.

02:10:27.520 And, but he didn't, the pass missed anyway.

02:10:30.040 And then he's about to kind of make his point and the phone rings and he gives up.

02:10:36.820 So he gets, he gets through the story, but it doesn't, it doesn't make his point.

02:10:39.940 But we, we played it that way.

02:10:42.400 And it just felt it, I believed in it so much.

02:10:45.040 And when we shot it, when he was the guy who was acting it, Bob Walsh, we were all crying.

02:10:49.860 Everybody was crying.

02:10:51.240 Joe was crying.

02:10:51.740 Everybody was.

02:10:52.500 And it was like, this is the thing.

02:10:53.740 But then you watch the whole movie and you go, I don't want to fucking listen to this

02:10:56.460 bullshit.

02:10:57.240 It's just stupid.

02:10:58.800 And also so much had happened and so much, we just want to get there.

02:11:02.860 So I tried a version where he comes up and says, hey, the phone rings and he goes, never

02:11:07.620 mind.

02:11:08.280 And for some reason that got all of the emotional, that got far more, people watched that and

02:11:13.880 they cried.

02:11:15.620 And, uh, so yeah, sometimes you just, it's what you don't.

02:11:18.300 A lot of times in movies it's what you, you take, anything you can take out and leave a blank

02:11:22.360 a space where like, there's almost feels like there's a mistake.

02:11:26.160 There's a weird emotional reaction to that.

02:11:28.720 Yeah.

02:11:28.820 I got that.

02:11:29.420 The dad was like, oh, here's a woman that cares about you.

02:11:32.240 So you need to take that.

02:11:33.500 Yes.

02:11:33.720 And he, and that was him.

02:11:34.780 He did that.

02:11:35.260 I mean, the, the line is, that's your wife, but he pointed at it and he made it a thing

02:11:38.500 of it.

02:11:39.220 That's your wife.

02:11:39.960 You should take that.

02:11:41.840 Yeah.

02:11:42.160 There's a lot of meaning in that moment.

02:11:43.740 And I didn't, the thing I love about making movies is, is that you, I don't really know what

02:11:48.380 the movie's about.

02:11:49.400 The story just kind of comes to you and you sort of, it's almost like, you know,

02:11:52.340 it's like, you're taking dictation.

02:11:53.520 Like, I guess this is what happens.

02:11:54.820 It just makes you, you try to write it as involuntarily as possible.

02:11:59.040 And then as you make the movie and you get to sit there and watch the shit happen, you

02:12:03.580 go, fuck, this is what that means.

02:12:05.960 That's why that happened.

02:12:07.540 Like you start to learn about it as you make it.

02:12:09.760 Yeah.

02:12:10.180 And sometimes actors get lost and you can, as a director, help them by talking about that.

02:12:15.520 I think this is what he's trying.

02:12:17.140 I don't know.

02:12:18.600 And sometimes they know and you don't.

02:12:20.360 It's, it's fucking, it's like, it's like, if you could do it with life, like deconstruct

02:12:24.020 life and have all the dialogues between your family members in front of you and just watch

02:12:28.700 as a spectator.

02:12:29.480 Yeah.

02:12:30.440 But I never feel like it's like about controlling it or saying, you got to do this.

02:12:34.740 You just learn, you learn through it, you know?

02:12:37.060 Yeah.

02:12:37.680 And when it's comedy, when it's funny in it, you know?

02:12:41.280 It was, yeah.

02:12:42.000 I found it fascinating.

02:12:42.880 I love the, the sponsor calling it fucking with the dumb lines.

02:12:45.940 He's fucking like, oh, this is fucking retarded.

02:12:47.500 But it's the shit that you need to hear that keeps you in a fucking comfortable repetition

02:12:51.640 of like, okay, this is what I do every day.

02:12:54.440 This is how I get through the day.

02:12:55.740 Okay.

02:12:55.920 This is how I get through it.

02:12:56.740 Yeah.

02:12:56.980 Yeah.

02:12:57.160 And Joe really wanted, it was important to him because I'm not an AA guy, but he, it

02:13:02.280 was important to him to have it not be a typical AA movie where somebody always falls off the

02:13:07.920 wagon.

02:13:08.480 Yeah.

02:13:09.060 And they get back on.

02:13:10.060 And it's very earnest and it's all just how terrific AA is.

02:13:13.780 He wanted to show that it's a pain in the ass when a guy talks too long and that somebody

02:13:17.020 always complains.

02:13:17.880 Like I wouldn't shut up.

02:13:19.160 Yeah.

02:13:19.620 And, uh, and that when you get a sponsor, it's awkward.

02:13:23.100 It's fucking, it's not, it's not lovely.

02:13:26.160 It's like, what am I going to say to this fucking guy?

02:13:28.940 I don't even like this guy.

02:13:31.400 Dude, there's a guy that I met years ago at a meeting.

02:13:33.600 I don't even know who he is.

02:13:34.440 He calls me fucking once every week, dude.

02:13:36.620 And I thought, I have no idea what he looks like.

02:13:38.480 I have no fucking clue, dude.

02:13:40.860 And he drives me absolutely insane.

02:13:42.980 But every now and then I'm in a low moment or a high moment or whatever, you know, fucking,

02:13:48.740 you know, and half the time I take the call, what's going on?

02:13:52.560 You know, I don't know.

02:13:54.640 It's interesting.

02:13:55.580 That whole world's interesting.

02:13:57.020 Um, what was it like?

02:13:58.640 So just real quick, you, you worked with Joe Rogan when you were young, right?

02:14:02.200 When you were younger, do you guys both start in Boston?

02:14:04.280 Yeah.

02:14:04.360 We both started in Boston at the clubs.

02:14:05.840 And he was like a handsomest guy.

02:14:07.880 Remember?

02:14:08.220 Yes, he was.

02:14:08.660 Yeah.

02:14:08.940 I mean, Joe's still a handsome guy, right?

02:14:10.320 I loved him.

02:14:11.340 And, uh, but was there any, like, cause now if you're like a handsome comedian, people

02:14:16.780 are like, oh, fuck this guy, right?

02:14:18.500 Cause you can't have it all.

02:14:19.800 No, handsome doesn't help you on stage.

02:14:21.440 Yeah.

02:14:22.020 Was it like, were people like that against like whenever he was starting out?

02:14:25.460 Do you think?

02:14:25.560 Well, I remember when he, I was, I started maybe a couple of years before him.

02:14:30.540 So I was starting to feel like, you know, established or in that little Boston scene.

02:14:36.600 And then this guy, he started with guys like Greg Fitzsimmons and him came up sort of at

02:14:40.780 the same time.

02:14:41.580 Yeah.

02:14:41.920 And there was a few other guys, Robbie Prince, he might've been after, but these guys were

02:14:47.480 like new guys.

02:14:48.100 They were the first new guys I was aware of.

02:14:49.860 Oh, yeah.

02:14:50.400 Cause I, I had been a new guy for a couple of years.

02:14:53.340 And so now these were new guys to me.

02:14:55.520 So I was probably threatened by them, whatever.

02:14:58.060 But I do remember feeling like Greg, Greg was a, you know, he's an Irish kind of like.

02:15:02.860 He's not as handsome.

02:15:04.200 No, he's not.

02:15:05.000 No.

02:15:05.340 Yeah.

02:15:05.560 But not back then he was more handsome.

02:15:07.320 Yeah.

02:15:07.480 Greg's like a bookie fucking like cousin of a bookie handsome.

02:15:10.060 Yeah.

02:15:10.460 Exactly.

02:15:11.220 Yes.

02:15:12.160 But Joe, it wasn't just his looks.

02:15:16.300 It was just, he had this confidence.

02:15:18.000 Yeah.

02:15:18.340 And he's from, I, we grew up in the same town.

02:15:20.120 I'm from Newton, Massachusetts.

02:15:21.800 He grew up there too.

02:15:22.880 Okay.

02:15:23.140 So I went to Newton North high school and he went to Newton South, both public schools,

02:15:27.460 but his was kind of fancier.

02:15:29.460 They're like kind of richer kids.

02:15:30.440 And I kind of thought of him as this like Newton South tan.

02:15:33.560 He was so tan.

02:15:34.520 Oh, he looked, the dude looks great.

02:15:36.320 Yeah.

02:15:36.440 And he was just like, dude, like he didn't, he didn't talk like a comic.

02:15:40.440 He just said, what the fuck?

02:15:42.740 Yeah.

02:15:42.940 And he talked about fucking chicks and he talked about being, getting, being hot and getting

02:15:46.980 laid or whatever.

02:15:47.780 And he, and, uh, I could see that he had a power on stage, but yeah, I was threatened

02:15:52.560 by him because he was like a good looking guy.

02:15:54.760 A couple of years younger than me started after me who was getting some attention.

02:15:58.580 Yeah.

02:15:59.180 And, uh, so on stage I would be like, what is, what's, what's with this guy?

02:16:02.960 But that's how, I mean, Nick DiPaolo started a year after me and we didn't

02:16:06.420 like each, we were like rivals.

02:16:08.220 We didn't like each other at all because we were both like new guys were getting big

02:16:11.540 laughs, but then we were very good friends.

02:16:14.280 Yeah.

02:16:14.440 He's in the movie.

02:16:15.140 Yeah.

02:16:15.560 Yes.

02:16:15.940 The funny, I didn't even know that that was him until the end.

02:16:18.340 I'm talking to someone.

02:16:19.280 Yeah.

02:16:19.460 Oh, he looks very different.

02:16:20.700 Yeah.

02:16:20.840 He looks different.

02:16:21.600 And I, and then Nick.

02:16:22.720 Yeah.

02:16:23.020 Somebody's like that singing.

02:16:23.960 And I was like, Oh my God, that's where I knew it from.

02:16:26.200 Yeah.

02:16:26.380 But, uh, man, but, but Joe was in, uh, but then I got to know him and I really liked

02:16:31.440 him and he was, he was a fascinating guy.

02:16:33.940 He was a Taekwondo, like black belt champ.

02:16:36.100 He's like a champion Taekwondo guy.

02:16:37.900 And, uh, we taught, we would talk about fighting and life and stuff.

02:16:45.480 And I just liked him.

02:16:46.640 I, I, as soon as I got to know him, I liked him.

02:16:48.600 And then I started watching like any comedian you first see him, you go, what was, what's

02:16:53.580 so great about him?

02:16:54.380 I mean, when you're younger, but then I watched him and then I go, then I started to really

02:16:57.260 respect what he, and most of how, when he got good after I knew him, cause he was still

02:17:03.160 just new and raw.

02:17:04.300 And he was, I felt he was killing because he was, there is a level where you can, the

02:17:09.080 girls like you on stage.

02:17:10.540 He was also fucking every weight, every hot waitress.

02:17:13.440 He was getting all the pussy.

02:17:15.260 How are you supposed to like a guy like that?

02:17:17.400 But, but personally, one-on-one, I really did like him a lot.

02:17:20.440 And then I started.

02:17:22.060 I wouldn't have fucked him, but I would have fucking stood by and watched him.

02:17:24.360 I mean, put your hand on the back of the show.

02:17:25.460 I would have put it, yeah.

02:17:26.620 Yeah.

02:17:27.260 A little, a little of this with Joe Rogan.

02:17:29.240 Not bad.

02:17:30.220 Yeah.

02:17:30.520 But he was also interesting as a guy and not typical.

02:17:36.200 Some guys who are handsome are trapped by that, you know?

02:17:39.940 But he was an interesting dude.

02:17:41.840 And then when he went on and, and I'd hear his standup, I, I, I was like, that's, he's

02:17:47.320 working and he's good.

02:17:48.540 And I liked his standup.

02:17:49.680 Um, and then he, we had kind of a crossroads thing because he did that thing with Carlos

02:17:56.740 Mencia where he outed him for stealing water, which however you feel about that, but that

02:18:00.660 it was his, he was very, he was adamantly about it.

02:18:03.420 And then his agency Gersh told him, if you don't dump, uh, if you don't stop, if you don't

02:18:10.400 apologize to Carlos, we'll dump you.

02:18:13.720 And that was my agency was Gersh.

02:18:16.260 And so he let them go.

02:18:17.920 And I heard that.

02:18:19.060 And I was like, that's crazy.

02:18:21.180 And I called him and we didn't, we hadn't talked in a long time, but I contacted him to say,

02:18:26.560 I need to hear from you if that's a true story.

02:18:28.700 And he said, a hundred percent.

02:18:30.120 Wow.

02:18:30.560 They called me and they said, apologize or you're out of the agency.

02:18:34.980 And I, that's all I needed to hear.

02:18:36.440 I called them and I said, you're not my agents anymore.

02:18:38.880 What if I have an argument with another comedian?

02:18:40.780 What are you fucking nuts?

02:18:42.020 Yeah.

02:18:42.340 You can't do that.

02:18:44.000 So I dumped them.

02:18:45.680 And then I got started to know that side of Joe.

02:18:49.940 That's like, he believes what he believes and he goes by it, whether it's going to hurt

02:18:53.400 him or not.

02:18:55.060 And I've always known him that way.

02:18:56.360 We just would run, our friendship has been like running into each other in the parking

02:18:59.940 lot of this comedy store and talking for a couple of hours about life.

02:19:03.700 And that's most of comedians.

02:19:04.820 Yeah.

02:19:05.060 Yeah.

02:19:05.520 Yeah.

02:19:05.880 People always ask what he's like.

02:19:06.860 He's one of the most genuinely curious guys I ever met.

02:19:09.620 Like he has like any of it.

02:19:11.160 He just retains information so well.

02:19:13.360 And people are always like, well, you, a lot of you podcast guys, you guys suck.

02:19:16.260 Rogan's dick.

02:19:17.080 You know, he goes, holy, that kind of stuff.

02:19:18.120 You like him.

02:19:19.000 And he's number one.

02:19:20.220 Yeah.

02:19:20.400 And he's good at it.

02:19:21.960 Yeah.

02:19:22.060 It's like, you want to look, you're like, you want to learn and look up and like, not

02:19:25.960 emulate, but you, there's a certain homage, especially in a space where guys like him

02:19:31.300 and Marin and some other guys, you know, but even you, even putting your stuff on your

02:19:35.200 website for $5 early on, that was like, it was a pioneer's type of move.

02:19:39.960 A lot of people were like, that's guys, that's crazy.

02:19:41.600 Yeah.

02:19:41.700 It was kind of new at the time.

02:19:43.300 I mean, it only works if you have your fans already.

02:19:46.260 It doesn't help you get fans.

02:19:48.080 Right.

02:19:48.520 So a lot of, I know some comics did it after me and they're like, I'm going to do it.

02:19:51.980 But they did.

02:19:52.560 I, I, it worked for me because I was swelling.

02:19:54.700 I was starting to get a shit ton of.

02:19:56.240 Right.

02:19:56.460 You had a fan base.

02:19:57.380 Yeah.

02:19:57.880 Yeah.

02:19:58.220 But it doesn't help you gather.

02:19:59.900 It's the thing.

02:20:00.500 And I, I do think that to some degree, because I don't have that allure in the media attention

02:20:05.560 as much, it's getting, sometimes it feels like it's getting, it's just wearing down a

02:20:09.460 little bit, you know, because it's just me and them.

02:20:11.800 Right.

02:20:12.120 So getting new people, it doesn't come as easily, but I.

02:20:15.920 That's such an easy thing to accept.

02:20:18.160 Also, I'm 55.

02:20:19.200 I mean, how many more years am I going to be alive, you know, let alone working?

02:20:23.000 Yeah.

02:20:23.280 It's not like I need it to just keep piling up and getting bigger, but.

02:20:26.820 I mean, you've got, I mean, you've got, I mean, you've got, you've gotten, I mean,

02:20:31.320 you've gotten to be that big.

02:20:33.700 Yeah, exactly.

02:20:34.640 You don't need to stay big.

02:20:36.260 That's crazy.

02:20:36.980 And it's all kind of high.

02:20:38.080 It's all this mythological type of thing.

02:20:40.080 It's all this, you know, it's like that whole business, it all kind of is works together.

02:20:45.120 It's like the age and his friends with the press guy.

02:20:47.520 It's all this.

02:20:48.540 Yeah.

02:20:48.780 And once somebody gets big, then, then there's this crazy rush towards them because they're

02:20:53.000 big and people just go, well, I guess I like him too.

02:20:55.500 But that never lasts.

02:20:57.640 And it's like going to space.

02:21:00.000 You just got to be able to come.

02:21:01.220 You just come back down.

02:21:02.400 And you land in a lake.

02:21:03.780 And you land in a lake and then you're left with whatever amount of fans you have.

02:21:07.320 And that's your cruising altitude.

02:21:09.000 Yeah.

02:21:09.620 And that, because everybody has that trajectory and then you don't hear about them, but they're

02:21:13.620 out there touring.

02:21:15.100 You know, Pearl Jam isn't at the Grammys anymore.

02:21:17.900 Right.

02:21:18.840 But they're fucking selling out whatever size place they want to.

02:21:22.300 They're just in, you know, you get your orbit if you're lucky and not everybody gets to

02:21:27.480 have that experience.

02:21:27.940 Yeah.

02:21:28.340 I mean, Motley Crue is one of the, like, brought in one of the most monies last year, I read

02:21:32.060 somewhere.

02:21:32.480 Right.

02:21:32.820 Which blew my mind.

02:21:33.740 Yeah.

02:21:33.860 Nobody's talking about Motley Crue.

02:21:35.400 But the fact that they're, yeah, they stay busy.

02:21:37.780 There's a lot of, there's a lot of work out there.

02:21:39.640 But also, I don't, I think, I mean, I don't know.

02:21:41.800 That's why the show at the Garden that I'm doing, that I'm live streaming.

02:21:45.060 And it's all sold.

02:21:45.640 It's January 28th.

02:21:46.440 Yeah.

02:21:46.680 So the show, I think we've got about 500 tickets left, but it's like 19,000.

02:21:50.780 Right.

02:21:51.260 But also you can buy, you can, you can purchase it online and we'll put the link in this video

02:21:54.460 and we'll also make sure that we run an ad that week.

02:21:57.720 If we don't, if this doesn't come out that week, we'll run an ad that week for the show.

02:22:00.620 Oh, thanks, man.

02:22:01.320 Yeah, for sure.

02:22:02.100 It's exciting.

02:22:02.760 But that to me is like a way to like say kind of a, one more and goodbye to that, to that

02:22:08.640 level.

02:22:10.480 And then I'm probably going to take a break for a while.

02:22:12.040 I think I might take a year or more off and not perform for a while.

02:22:15.600 I want to feel what life feels like with that.

02:22:17.040 I haven't done that since I was 18.

02:22:19.860 I haven't stopped.

02:22:20.560 So your show is one of the first shows I'd seen since the, maybe the first time that

02:22:24.860 I'd seen comedy that I went to and stood in line and went to see comedy.

02:22:27.740 Yeah.

02:22:28.560 Wow.

02:22:29.300 That's, that's, it's rare.

02:22:30.440 I don't, I haven't done that in a long time myself.

02:22:32.160 It was so cool.

02:22:32.820 Norm Macdonald's last guy I went to bought a ticket and sat and watched a few years ago.

02:22:37.600 It was great.

02:22:38.260 Yeah.

02:22:38.480 Great, great, great.

02:22:39.200 And actually I just remember, I lied to you.

02:22:40.600 I saw Bob Newhart.

02:22:42.680 Oh yeah.

02:22:43.460 Where'd you see him?

02:22:44.240 I saw him in Chicago at the Chicago theater.

02:22:46.140 No shit.

02:22:46.780 Yeah.

02:22:46.920 And he was telling jokes and I was like, oh, these are just jokes that he fucking read off the

02:22:50.360 internet, right?

02:22:51.100 Oh no.

02:22:51.980 But then I realized, no, the jokes were just such old baked into society jokes.

02:22:56.220 He had fucking created them.

02:22:57.960 Oh yeah.

02:22:58.340 Of course.

02:23:00.120 Of course.

02:23:00.860 They were all him.

02:23:01.860 Yeah.

02:23:02.260 I'm like, wow.

02:23:02.980 Oh, these are just shitty internet jokes.

02:23:04.680 And then I'm like, oh, he fucking made these up.

02:23:08.000 I met him once.

02:23:08.980 He was with Don Rickles.

02:23:10.600 Wow.

02:23:11.000 And they were at a restaurant I was at and the two of them and their wives were sitting

02:23:15.600 and, and, uh, one of their wives or somebody came from that table over to me and said, Don

02:23:20.660 would like to say hi to you.

02:23:22.240 So I walked back to the table and Don had his back to me and he goes, he's not coming

02:23:26.580 over here.

02:23:27.100 Is he that fucking piece of shit?

02:23:28.260 It's not coming over.

02:23:28.940 Oh, hi.

02:23:29.980 Like he did a thing and he just starts shitting on me.

02:23:32.980 He's like, look at you.

02:23:33.540 What are you?

02:23:33.800 What is this?

02:23:34.280 You fat fat.

02:23:35.120 How fucking old are you?

02:23:36.060 What are you?

02:23:36.420 What good are you?

02:23:37.260 And I'm just glowing.

02:23:38.220 Oh, you know, I just feel great.

02:23:39.240 And Bob has got this huge beaming smile on his face cause he can see that his friend

02:23:42.980 is happy.

02:23:43.860 Yeah.

02:23:44.400 And, uh, and I just stood there and took a beating for about 10 minutes and just, you

02:23:49.560 know, and said hello to the ladies and I honored them, you know, Bob, you're the best, Don,

02:23:54.620 you're the best.

02:23:55.140 And then Don kind of took my, he was very old.

02:23:57.840 It was like a few months before he died.

02:23:59.380 I think.

02:23:59.840 Wow.

02:24:00.200 He took my shirt and pulled me down and he said, don't let him forget me.

02:24:05.640 Please don't let people forget me who I was.

02:24:08.900 Did he really?

02:24:09.880 Yep.

02:24:10.220 And he said it really earnestly.

02:24:12.100 Wow.

02:24:12.580 Isn't that something?

02:24:13.760 Yeah.

02:24:15.540 Anyway, nobody remembers who that is.

02:24:18.660 We know.

02:24:19.460 Yeah, we know.

02:24:20.700 Yep.

02:24:21.500 But that's, yeah, it's wild that it all goes back into the sauce, man.

02:24:24.260 Uh-huh.

02:24:25.200 It all goes back into the fucking nuts of Mother Nature.

02:24:26.880 Yeah, whatever you're able to do, everybody's going to forget.

02:24:29.240 I know.

02:24:29.540 All of it.

02:24:30.800 All of it.

02:24:32.180 I feel like we got to keep a little of it.

02:24:35.000 That's why I don't want to be cremated, dude.

02:24:36.380 When I see people that are getting cremated, I'm like, you're a fucking.

02:24:39.280 Because what if even a little bit of you is alive, you know?

02:24:42.160 Huh.

02:24:43.100 Yeah?

02:24:44.160 You think that body might still be alive?

02:24:46.460 If you have eight cells left, if you have billions of fucking cells, you don't think

02:24:48.880 you have fucking 30 cells left and they're like.

02:24:50.840 Do you think that's going to be you?

02:24:52.000 Like, that's you?

02:24:52.860 I think it has some recollection.

02:24:54.140 There's some consciousness in it?

02:24:54.940 It has some memory of, yeah.

02:24:56.520 I think it holds something.

02:24:57.080 But why does it need to stay alive?

02:24:59.200 You feel like it needs to?

02:25:00.660 As long as you can hang in there, basically?

02:25:02.080 Yeah, and then you're like, oh, fuck, I'm getting grilled.

02:25:04.800 Like, this is the absolute worst.

02:25:06.380 So you're going to get buried.

02:25:07.620 I think buried straight into the ground, you know?

02:25:10.140 Actually, I used to want to get shot out of a cannon in like a schoolyard and the first

02:25:13.140 kid to touch my dick fucking wins.

02:25:15.420 Wins all my money.

02:25:18.000 That's not bad.

02:25:18.880 That's not bad.

02:25:19.680 That's not bad.

02:25:20.720 There's places you can get buried right in the ground without a box.

02:25:22.940 Like Maine, I think you can throw a body in the ground anywhere you want in the state

02:25:26.880 of Maine.

02:25:27.180 Yeah, there's not that many good...

02:25:28.840 I want to believe there's a few more chicks around, though, I think.

02:25:31.760 Yeah?

02:25:32.200 Oh, yeah.

02:25:33.560 I don't really have any wishes for after.

02:25:35.540 Really?

02:25:36.000 Yeah.

02:25:36.480 I want to leave that up to my kids because they'll be the ones that have to experience

02:25:40.420 it.

02:25:41.020 What do you think they'll do?

02:25:42.460 I don't know.

02:25:43.280 It depends on how I do.

02:25:44.400 Yeah.

02:25:45.120 It's up to me.

02:25:48.120 It's all up to us.

02:25:49.980 Louis CK, anything else, guys, you wanted to ask that?

02:25:52.320 Yeah, last question.

02:25:56.200 I saw 4th of July in theaters, and a lot of the people were...

02:25:59.280 I feel like their reaction was how hyped they were to see comedians in a movie.

02:26:02.740 Like, actual comics in a movie.

02:26:04.920 Yeah.

02:26:05.140 What other comics do you want to see in movies?

02:26:08.320 Oh, shit.

02:26:10.340 You have a project or something?

02:26:12.220 I wrote a movie with a friend of mine that I'm going to try to make next year, but it's

02:26:18.380 a really twisted, weird movie, and it's probably going to be too expensive, so I may not

02:26:21.740 get to make it, but I'm going to try.

02:26:23.980 I don't know if there's any comedians in that one.

02:26:25.980 I like comedians.

02:26:26.700 You know who I always thought would be a good dramatic actor?

02:26:31.360 His Tim Heidecker.

02:26:33.220 You know who he is?

02:26:34.380 Tim and Eric?

02:26:35.080 Yeah.

02:26:36.600 Tim Heidecker is...

02:26:37.660 I saw him...

02:26:38.640 I was in London.

02:26:40.720 That's how crazy my life was.

02:26:42.060 I had just made a movie, which never came out, and I went to London because I did the music

02:26:47.100 at Abbey Road Studios.

02:26:48.600 I was just...

02:26:49.320 I was telling him before, I was shitting money then.

02:26:52.680 Now I just shit shit.

02:26:54.140 Right.

02:26:54.460 At the time, I shit money.

02:26:56.240 And I had made this movie, and I had a composer because I wanted to do an orchestral score.

02:27:03.300 Yeah.

02:27:03.660 And he said, okay, we can get a great orchestra, a really great orchestra for like $150,000.

02:27:10.460 They'll be the best.

02:27:11.740 Any movie you've watched recently would have this orchestra.

02:27:14.340 Or we can go to Abbey Road and get the best players in Europe, like the best players at

02:27:19.840 every instrument for $300,000.

02:27:23.740 And I was like, it's just a check, bro.

02:27:25.540 Fucking yeah.

02:27:26.360 Let's go.

02:27:27.280 Let's go.

02:27:27.800 And I went to Abbey Road, and we recorded music with a full orchestra.

02:27:31.960 It's the fucking sickest thing.

02:27:34.080 It's like I was a coke addict.

02:27:35.520 It was a really crazy thing to do.

02:27:37.500 Yeah.

02:27:37.940 But anyway, while I was there, Tim Heidecker was playing at the Soho Theater, so I just

02:27:42.040 went to watch him.

02:27:43.440 And he was wearing this leather jacket that was like a leather blazer.

02:27:48.900 Yeah.

02:27:49.460 And he had his hair slicked back.

02:27:51.580 And he's just, he's a very, you don't know where he's coming from guy.

02:27:54.180 Yeah.

02:27:54.580 Just being really weird and sarcastic, but seeming real at the same time.

02:27:59.340 And I was riveted by his show.

02:28:00.900 He got a few laughs.

02:28:01.940 He wasn't, he's not like a killer comic, because he doesn't try to be.

02:28:04.900 Uh-huh.

02:28:05.340 But I thought that guy would be a really, I'd like to see him kill somebody in a movie.

02:28:08.940 I'd like to see him.

02:28:09.960 Yeah, he's got a Gacy vibe.

02:28:11.980 Gacy, yeah, a little bit.

02:28:12.960 I think he could do something.

02:28:14.180 I think he could scare the shit out of somebody in a movie.

02:28:17.100 That's the one.

02:28:17.600 I look at comedians.

02:28:18.380 As I look at that, there's guys that you, you go, that guy's going to get me laughs.

02:28:22.800 I won't make a movie without Bobby Kelly, probably ever.

02:28:25.560 He's just the greatest face in a movie.

02:28:27.640 Nick Tappalo.

02:28:28.200 These are just the guys who I just go like, he's got to be in it.

02:28:31.020 Yeah.

02:28:32.060 Yeah, Bobby's a sweet guy.

02:28:33.700 Laura Keitlinger, who I mentioned before, I'd love, I'd love to see her in a movie someday.

02:28:37.100 Still, she's just, she was in a sitcom I did for one season, and she was great.

02:28:42.820 There's a lot, a lot of people out there.

02:28:44.200 Hey, you captured, I mean, you just, yeah, I, man, I just, yeah, I love Fourth of July.

02:28:47.420 And you guys can all check it out.

02:28:48.760 You can subscribe, you can, January 28th is the special.

02:28:52.280 Yeah, it's 25 bucks to watch it live, or you get to watch it for 10 days.

02:28:56.360 And it's what I saw last night?

02:28:58.020 Yeah, same show.

02:28:58.880 Wow.

02:28:59.400 Yeah.

02:29:00.240 Fuck.

02:29:01.320 We might buy it.

02:29:03.080 I hope so.

02:29:03.700 Well, you can have it for free.

02:29:04.880 No, we'll buy it.

02:29:06.380 We'll buy it, man.

02:29:08.460 Louis, thank you so much, man.

02:29:10.040 Thanks for having me.

02:29:10.880 Yeah.

02:29:11.040 It was really fun.

02:29:11.760 That was really fun.

02:29:12.760 Yeah, me too, man.

02:29:13.720 It's interesting.

02:29:14.440 I don't like podcasts.

02:29:15.520 They're too serious.

02:29:17.000 And everybody talks about, you know, their view on life.

02:29:20.600 Yeah.

02:29:21.120 And everybody talks about the same fucking shit.

02:29:23.800 It's just the same four subjects we've been talking about since like 2012.

02:29:28.120 And it's really boring.

02:29:29.400 I feel like we talked about those, the comedy jerking off.

02:29:32.000 Yeah, a little bit.

02:29:32.760 But that's real life.

02:29:33.840 We talked about real life.

02:29:34.860 Yeah.

02:29:35.120 I enjoyed the hell out of it.

02:29:36.000 Oh, thank you, man.

02:29:36.660 I did too, man.

02:29:37.280 This was a real honor.

02:29:38.300 And once again, you're a hysterically funny comic.

02:29:41.040 Which, sweetie, check that out.

02:29:42.040 And I hope that you focus on stand-up.

02:29:43.360 I know this is good, but I hope that you stay on stage a lot.

02:29:46.980 Because if you've only been doing it for 18 years, you're not even there yet.

02:29:51.780 I mean, if that's how good you are now, then if you keep the stand-up being number one,

02:29:56.520 and when you get to about 22 years or so, you're going to be unstoppable.

02:30:04.780 So I hope you do.

02:30:06.160 Thank you, man.

02:30:06.820 Yeah.

02:30:07.120 I hope to.

02:30:07.900 Yeah, I think that's where I'm at right now, figuring out kind of how to evolve, you know?

02:30:11.140 Good.

02:30:12.360 Thank you very much, Louis C.K.

02:30:13.600 You bet.

02:30:14.160 Now I'm just floating on the breeze, and I feel I'm falling like these leaves.

02:30:19.860 I must be cornerstone.

02:30:22.940 Oh, but when I reach that ground, I'll share this peace of mind I found.

02:30:30.600 I can feel it in my bones.

02:30:34.880 But it's gonna take...

02:30:36.940 Ladies and gentlemen, I'm Jonathan Kite, and welcome to Kite Club,

02:30:43.060 a podcast where I'll be sharing thoughts on things like current events,

02:30:46.740 stand-up stories, and seven ways to pleasure your partner.

02:30:50.460 The answer may shock you.

02:30:51.760 Sometimes I'll interview my friends.

02:30:54.260 Sometimes I won't.

02:30:55.940 And as always, I'll be joined by the voices in my head.

02:30:58.860 You have three new voice messages.

02:31:01.880 A lot of people are talking about Kite Club.

02:31:04.780 I've been talking about Kite Club for so long, longer than anybody else.

02:31:09.080 So great.

02:31:10.440 Hi, sweetheart.

02:31:12.120 Here's the deal.

02:31:13.420 Anyone who doesn't listen to Kite Club is a dodgy bloody wanker.

02:31:17.380 Do you know what I mean?

02:31:17.940 Hi, I'll take a quarter pounder with cheese and a McFlurry.

02:31:22.440 Sorry, sir, but our ice cream machine is broken.

02:31:24.540 Oh, no!

02:31:26.860 I think Tom Hanks just butt-dialed me.

02:31:29.240 Anyway, first rule of Kite Club is, tell everyone about Kite Club.

02:31:33.400 Second rule of Kite Club is, tell everyone about Kite Club.

02:31:37.660 Third rule.

02:31:38.580 Like and subscribe wherever you listen to podcasts.

02:31:41.280 Or watch us on YouTube, yeah?

02:31:43.000 And yes, don't worry, my Brad Pitt impression will get better.

This Past Weekend with Theo Von - January 11, 2023

E425 Louis C.K.

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