This Past Weekend with Theo Von

00:00:00.000 We hope you're enjoying your Air Canada flight.

00:00:02.320 Rocky's Vacation, here we come.

00:00:05.060 Whoa, is this economy?

00:00:07.180 Free beer, wine, and snacks.

00:00:09.620 Sweet!

00:00:10.720 Fast-free Wi-Fi means I can make dinner reservations before we land.

00:00:14.760 And with live TV, I'm not missing the game.

00:00:17.800 It's kind of like, I'm already on vacation.

00:00:20.980 Nice!

00:00:22.240 On behalf of Air Canada, nice travels.

00:00:25.260 Wi-Fi available to Airplane members on Equipped Flight.

00:00:27.340 Sponsored by Bell. Conditions apply.

00:00:28.580 See AirCanada.com.

00:00:30.000 It's the NBA playoffs, that right.

00:00:33.100 That right.

00:00:34.540 And that mean Big Hoops Action with DraftKings Sportsbook,

00:00:38.440 an official sports betting partner of the NBA.

00:00:41.680 Download the app now and sign up with the code THEO.

00:00:45.920 New customers can make a $5 pre-game Moneyline bet

00:00:49.700 and score $150 in bonus bet if their team win.

00:00:55.420 Only at DraftKings Sportsbook with code THEO.

00:01:01.280 I have some new tour dates to announce.

00:01:03.440 I will be in Phoenix, Arizona on April 30th at Arizona Financial Theater.

00:01:09.640 That'll be the biggest show I've ever done now.

00:01:13.500 Austin, Texas on June 10th at the Bass Concert Hall.

00:01:19.180 Guilford, New Hampshire, June 20th.

00:01:21.660 July 20th, I'm sorry.

00:01:23.660 At the Bank of New Hampshire Pavilion.

00:01:26.000 And Windsor, Ontario on August 18th at the Coliseum at Caesars, Windsor.

00:01:35.620 And Niagara Falls, Ontario on August 28th at the Falls View Casino.

00:01:41.600 Those tickets are available now.

00:01:43.080 Get all your tickets at Theovon.com slash T-O-U-R.

00:01:48.580 Thank you for getting tickets through there and nowhere else.

00:01:50.720 Praise God.

00:01:52.040 We got new merch.

00:01:52.980 Check out that root beer hoodie.

00:01:54.860 If you want that ice cold hitter, baby, you want that one that just damn God.

00:02:00.760 It puts Antarctica in your throat.

00:02:04.240 And that four-piece enamel pin set.

00:02:06.200 Check them all out and thank you for the love at TheovonStore.com.

00:02:10.860 So, today's guest is an entertainer.

00:02:14.220 He's that ravioli baby.

00:02:18.220 You know, he's everything, dude.

00:02:21.480 He's a damn.

00:02:22.760 He's Super Mario's second cousin who runs a bakery low-key.

00:02:27.920 You know what I'm saying?

00:02:28.540 He's that beautiful man, an Italian.

00:02:31.000 And we're going to learn more about him.

00:02:32.320 You know him from Barstool.

00:02:35.640 He's that side slurper.

00:02:37.100 That lactose monkey on the edge of Sunday Conversations.

00:02:42.560 And he is also the host of his Only Stands show, where he interviews OnlyFans content creators.

00:02:52.120 This is our first time really getting to know each other.

00:02:55.080 I'm grateful for his time.

00:02:56.700 Today's guest is Glennie Balls.

00:03:00.120 Shine that light on me

00:03:03.800 I'll sit and tell you my stories

00:03:09.800 Shine on me

00:03:14.540 And I will find a song

00:03:18.720 I've been singing

00:03:19.920 I love the stars

00:03:20.940 Balls, baby.

00:03:28.680 What's up, dude?

00:03:29.880 Good to see you, man.

00:03:30.880 I'm very excited to be here.

00:03:31.920 This is exciting.

00:03:32.760 Yeah, is it?

00:03:33.320 So people say, Glennie, they say balls.

00:03:35.420 What are they?

00:03:36.320 G Balls?

00:03:37.320 Dude, it's a lot of Glennie.

00:03:38.500 It's a lot of Glennie.

00:03:39.520 I prefer balls.

00:03:40.680 People call me Mr. Balls.

00:03:42.360 I like that.

00:03:43.100 I've got a lot of Glennjaman balls.

00:03:44.900 It's a very easy word to play on.

00:03:46.180 Glenn or balls.

00:03:47.240 But I kind of like balls.

00:03:48.520 Yeah.

00:03:49.000 Yeah, I grew up with Glenn, though.

00:03:50.080 So I'm still getting used to Glennie.

00:03:51.460 Really?

00:03:51.880 So Glenn, are you a family name?

00:03:53.720 Are you like a Balls V or something?

00:03:55.260 My dad's name is Glenn, actually.

00:03:57.020 All my dad and his brothers are all Gs.

00:03:59.000 Greg, Gary, and Glenn.

00:04:00.500 So I'm a junior.

00:04:01.500 Oh, wow.

00:04:02.080 So you, and is that like a tradition?

00:04:04.840 What kind of family are you guys?

00:04:06.080 Italian.

00:04:06.680 You guys are Italian?

00:04:07.380 I don't think it's necessarily a tradition, though.

00:04:09.220 Yeah.

00:04:09.500 But I don't know.

00:04:10.160 Maybe my grandparents just said, fuck it, we're all going to do Gs.

00:04:13.200 My grandpa's name was Greg, too.

00:04:14.940 So then my uncle Greg was a junior.

00:04:17.520 It's all Gs.

00:04:18.000 A lot of Gs.

00:04:18.640 Yeah.

00:04:19.040 It's a G thing.

00:04:20.380 Oh, I like that.

00:04:21.180 Yeah.

00:04:21.360 And I wonder if G is like a power letter or something.

00:04:25.780 What's a good power letter?

00:04:27.540 Like if you had to run in a room and like say there's a fire or something, right?

00:04:32.040 I would say M.

00:04:34.440 M.

00:04:34.940 Yeah.

00:04:35.680 Something about it right in the middle.

00:04:37.600 Yeah.

00:04:38.460 Don't worry.

00:04:39.760 I'll get us the rest of the way.

00:04:41.280 Something like that.

00:04:42.040 M kind of, when you get through the alphabet, you're like J, K, L. You're like, shit's getting

00:04:46.160 weird.

00:04:46.500 And you're like, M.

00:04:47.940 Off the top of my head, I'm saying M, like a T. A T feels strong to me.

00:04:51.720 Yeah.

00:04:51.900 A T feels pretty strong, doesn't it?

00:04:53.000 Yeah.

00:04:53.180 Because it also has that look where like, okay, you can put something on top of me.

00:04:57.460 I got this.

00:04:58.780 M kind of has like four legs almost.

00:05:01.240 You're like, we're going to get there.

00:05:02.720 100%.

00:05:03.080 B's got the tits, though.

00:05:04.880 Ooh.

00:05:05.620 Why?

00:05:06.020 Because they got, yeah, it looks like two tits, but.

00:05:07.480 That capital B.

00:05:07.980 Something about B doesn't do it for me.

00:05:09.520 I feel like I want like a big straight line, like a T on top, or that quite domey thing

00:05:15.720 like the A has.

00:05:17.620 Yeah.

00:05:18.020 The A is kind of a C. A is like a.

00:05:20.620 I can't lie.

00:05:21.340 I look at G, and I think of G as kind of a beta letter.

00:05:24.480 G, P, Y, U. None of those seem good to me.

00:05:29.760 Y is definitely.

00:05:34.340 Yeah.

00:05:34.660 It almost seemed like at the end of the alphabet, things got very, like, they didn't know what.

00:05:39.840 Things got a little, I don't want to say trans at the end of the alphabet, but it got very,

00:05:44.220 like, we're doing something.

00:05:45.280 Something's happening.

00:05:45.900 They just kind of said fucking at the end.

00:05:47.120 There's five straight consonants.

00:05:48.280 Yeah.

00:05:48.660 Five consonants.

00:05:49.300 You don't want to see five straight consonants.

00:05:51.380 Yeah, they did, man.

00:05:53.800 What's going on, man?

00:05:54.500 Good to see you, bro.

00:05:55.440 Yeah, I'm excited.

00:05:56.100 I don't think I've seen you in a while.

00:05:57.220 That was the last time I saw you at that Titans game, right?

00:05:59.640 Oh, yeah.

00:06:00.820 Yeah.

00:06:01.460 That was a good time.

00:06:01.960 Dude, yeah, you guys were in the, like, a suite box or something.

00:06:06.080 Yeah, I think it's, like, I guess it's, like, the influencer suite they have there.

00:06:08.980 Yeah, which feels weird to say.

00:06:10.480 Well, they had anybody that was an influencer, too, there, and it was in Tennessee.

00:06:13.940 And so you have anybody that, like, people that, like, you have somebody from Remington,

00:06:17.760 Shotgun, you know, you have very much, like, you know, you have, like, people that deal

00:06:22.080 with 4-H and Anamelia in there.

00:06:24.820 You have, like, country singers.

00:06:27.760 You know, it has more of a southern kind of western gamut they have out there.

00:06:32.420 Yeah, I think that day, like, the VP of Hattie B's was in there.

00:06:35.180 I think Gary Clark Jr. was in there that day.

00:06:37.180 Who's Gary Clark Jr.?

00:06:38.240 He's, like, a blues singer.

00:06:40.020 Oh, really?

00:06:40.680 Yeah, I think Gary Clark Jr. was there.

00:06:42.360 Hmm.

00:06:43.340 I was too intimidated to say hi to him, but I think it was Gary Clark Jr.

00:06:45.660 Oh, I think he was in there.

00:06:47.160 Yeah, he was sitting at the table to the right with his pals.

00:06:50.380 Yes.

00:06:50.840 Yes.

00:06:51.360 Oh, I remember.

00:06:51.840 You were probably wondering who it was, because he has that vibe.

00:06:53.740 Yeah.

00:06:53.900 You're like, that's someone?

00:06:55.320 Yeah.

00:06:55.500 And I finally figured out it was Gary Clark Jr., but he seemed like he didn't want to be bothered,

00:06:58.020 so I didn't go talk to him.

00:06:59.120 Yeah, I couldn't tell if it was, like, maybe, like, Sidney Poitier or if it was maybe Leon Kravitz

00:07:06.900 or whatever, you know?

00:07:07.840 So I didn't know, but I remember meeting him.

00:07:10.740 He's a nice guy.

00:07:11.580 Yeah.

00:07:12.480 What else, man?

00:07:13.400 Oh, I heard you said you guys were talking earlier about when I walked in, you and the

00:07:17.660 producer, Zach, were talking about going to, like, a kitchen or something?

00:07:20.160 Ooh, yeah.

00:07:20.700 So yesterday we were in L.A.

00:07:22.000 We had a free day because, like I said, our shoot was super late last night.

00:07:24.260 We shot at, like, 9, 10 o'clock.

00:07:25.860 Right.

00:07:26.020 And you guys were shooting Sunday Conversations.

00:07:27.560 So for people that don't know, Glennie is the sidekick, the background dancer for Caleb

00:07:34.140 Presley's Sunday Conversation, and he works with Barstool.

00:07:38.780 Yes, sir.

00:07:39.060 Yeah, so I just sit there and eat the ice cream and try to make the guest awkward.

00:07:41.820 Yeah.

00:07:42.140 You've done it.

00:07:42.840 Yeah, yeah.

00:07:43.200 We've had you.

00:07:43.560 We had fun.

00:07:44.440 Yeah, it's good.

00:07:44.920 But, yeah, no, see, yesterday we just had a free day, and I was telling your producer

00:07:47.420 that I just set up a few of the chefs I know here, and they just wanted to take me to

00:07:50.800 lunch, and that's, like, one of my favorite things.

00:07:52.200 I just love hanging out with chefs.

00:07:53.780 I find it so cool as a guy that obviously enjoys food.

00:07:56.320 I enjoy food more than just eating it.

00:07:57.980 Like, I just, I love the whole idea of culinary shit and food.

00:08:01.500 So they took me to the Beverly Hills Cheese Shop, went, like, the back room, like, in Goodfellows,

00:08:05.920 put on some, like, classic Italian music.

00:08:08.000 They just brought us out a bunch of these cheeses imported from Italy.

00:08:11.360 Imported from Italy.

00:08:12.180 Look at, wait, hit the next one.

00:08:13.540 Look at the table.

00:08:14.060 Look at the back room.

00:08:14.660 That was the back room.

00:08:15.440 Oh, so there's a back room there.

00:08:16.560 It was a back room, full experience, brought us out a few pronies, plate of cheese, some

00:08:22.260 sun-dried tomatoes, some stuffed cherry peppers, like, this low-moisture mozzarella they just

00:08:26.820 made, buffalo mozzarella straight from Italy.

00:08:28.940 They said it lands in LAX every Tuesday, so we kind of got the shitty one.

00:08:32.260 It was a Monday, but it was still great.

00:08:33.940 Yeah, the end of the week.

00:08:34.520 Yeah, we got the end of the week, buffalo mozzarella.

00:08:36.940 But buffalo mozzarella, it's kind of like that one thing.

00:08:39.100 Even when it's bad, it's good.

00:08:40.100 It was fantastic.

00:08:40.580 And were they flying in from Buffalo?

00:08:42.220 No, no, they flying in from Italy.

00:08:44.380 Oh, wow.

00:08:45.040 Because they use buffalo milk in Italy.

00:08:46.280 That's why it's, like, buffalo mozzarella.

00:08:48.500 Oh, and so it's, oh, it's out of the buffalo animal.

00:08:50.800 Yes, sir.

00:08:51.280 Oh, wow.

00:08:51.620 Like, the milk they use is from buffalo milk.

00:08:53.080 So that's like, so if you're getting mozzarella from Italy, it's most of the time buffalo mozzarella,

00:08:57.040 not what you would envision just straight fresh mozzarella is here.

00:08:59.780 Yeah, oh, I thought somebody was milking Dawson Knox up there or something, you know?

00:09:03.280 Don't be a good-looking piece of cheese.

00:09:04.780 It wouldn't be bad, right?

00:09:07.820 So you take, so they, now, how does that even work?

00:09:10.360 So I never, you get hooked up with, like, a lot of backroom.

00:09:14.480 So you go into the backroom, like, who comes out?

00:09:16.780 Is it, like, the top, like, the-

00:09:20.600 The cheesemonger.

00:09:21.800 A monger?

00:09:22.160 He's a monger.

00:09:22.940 Really?

00:09:23.600 Yeah, so that's what happens.

00:09:24.740 So-

00:09:25.000 And what is a monger?

00:09:25.820 Let's look it up, Zach.

00:09:26.560 I believe it's cheesemonger, because that's only from watching It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia.

00:09:30.580 Charlie's dad was a cheesemonger.

00:09:32.100 Because a cheesemonger is somebody that would die for cheese, right?

00:09:34.800 I think this man would die for cheese.

00:09:36.200 This guy, Dom, we were with yesterday, he would definitely die for cheese.

00:09:38.480 He would take one on the cheek for cheese.

00:09:40.720 Yeah, a merchant who specializes in cheeses.

00:09:42.560 Okay.

00:09:44.140 And what's a monger, just overall?

00:09:46.740 Because they have a warmonger I hear of all the time.

00:09:49.120 Yeah, sounds something like Mongolian, maybe.

00:09:51.780 Yeah, what's just a monger?

00:09:53.040 I could say that Genghis Khan being a monger.

00:09:54.980 Like a broker or a dealer of something.

00:09:58.240 Okay.

00:09:58.740 Ooh.

00:09:59.120 Oh, a monger.

00:09:59.800 Yeah, I guess that's why he's a cheesemonger, I guess.

00:10:01.440 He deals cheese.

00:10:02.660 So, okay, so you get there, the guy comes out.

00:10:05.360 Yeah, so great chef Aaron May, we met Aaron May there, and then the guy came out and met

00:10:09.020 Aaron, and then Dom came out and met Aaron, and they just said, let's go in the back.

00:10:12.960 And then they literally brought us in the back like we were in Goodfellas, set up plates,

00:10:17.500 forks, knives, plates for us, brought us out Peronis, brought in these cheese plates,

00:10:21.380 and I had my first anchovy, they brought out apparently this fantastic, fantastic anchovy

00:10:26.720 straight from Italy as well.

00:10:27.840 Was it alive when they brought it out or not?

00:10:29.180 It was not, it was in a can, it was like a little tiny aluminum can, but I equated it

00:10:31.800 to, my first time golf, my first time on a golf course was Pebble Beach, and I told

00:10:35.780 them, I told them yesterday, that's what this was like, because I'm having anchovy imported

00:10:40.260 from Italy, first anchovy instead of on a shitty pizza.

00:10:43.560 Yeah.

00:10:43.720 So the anchovy was damn good, put a little anchovy on bread, a little buffalo mozzarella,

00:10:47.440 some dark tomato on it, and then, oh, they had imported olive oil from Italy, it was, it

00:10:51.980 was, it was an immaculate time.

00:10:54.600 That's some more, right?

00:10:56.100 It was, it was immaculate, dude.

00:10:58.040 Hey, if you're ever in LA and you want to go, we'll go.

00:11:00.320 Yeah, man, I can't.

00:11:01.800 We'll cheese it up.

00:11:02.780 I don't get offered things like that.

00:11:04.260 It must be, because obviously I guess people assume that you have, you enjoy food.

00:11:11.680 I very much do, and not in a, not in a stereotypical fat guy way.

00:11:15.780 Like, I don't, this may shock you, I don't eat, like, I don't eat too much fast food.

00:11:19.660 Right.

00:11:19.940 It's not like I'm going home and pounding Burger King every day, it's just, I appreciate

00:11:23.880 good food.

00:11:25.020 Yeah.

00:11:25.280 Good food is the best.

00:11:27.900 It is good, man.

00:11:28.980 I think I, yeah, I grew up on just really not good food, right?

00:11:32.680 Yeah.

00:11:32.800 So I think there was no appreciation for food.

00:11:35.000 Exactly, the same way, like, I never grew up, like, going to insanely nice steakhouses and whatnot,

00:11:39.620 but even, I mean, there's also bad food that's fantastic as well.

00:11:43.060 I was talking to a coworker of mine last week, Kate, she was saying she grew up always eating

00:11:46.680 the, the very, very thin pork chops that once you cook them, they're like, you could see

00:11:51.340 like the white bubbles of fat pop up on them.

00:11:53.540 Those are pretty damn good.

00:11:54.960 Oh, yeah.

00:11:55.560 I don't mind them.

00:11:56.240 They're good.

00:11:56.380 It is interesting how they have that fat bubble.

00:11:58.520 The fat bubbles, the fat's bubbling, I'm taking it.

00:12:00.700 It's, it's the cheap pork chops, but they do the job.

00:12:04.140 Hmm.

00:12:04.620 Yeah.

00:12:04.840 I'm trying to think of something else that we, oh, you know, what was big when I was

00:12:07.780 young?

00:12:08.760 Uh, fish sticks.

00:12:10.760 Really?

00:12:11.400 You ever do fish sticks?

00:12:12.400 I never did.

00:12:13.400 I never did.

00:12:14.120 Maybe, I don't know if that was maybe a Louisiana thing.

00:12:16.140 There was more fish sticks by you, but I'm also, I also grew up by the water too, but I

00:12:19.720 never dabbled in a fish stick.

00:12:21.340 What is it?

00:12:21.920 I guess theoretically just a.

00:12:23.100 What about a warm clam or something come across the table once in a while?

00:12:26.060 Yeah.

00:12:26.340 Yeah.

00:12:26.900 Never, never home.

00:12:27.760 I don't know if I can.

00:12:28.660 One time I tried to make clams at my house and it was a massive failure.

00:12:31.800 You have to, cause you're, you'll have to wait to make sure if they're alive or not.

00:12:35.580 If they don't, um, if they don't open immediately, they're still alive.

00:12:39.480 So if you have to pry it open, it's dead and you can't eat it.

00:12:41.960 So that, that was troubling to me.

00:12:43.220 And then I tried to cook them on the barbecue.

00:12:44.400 It didn't work out.

00:12:45.120 And how do you know if they're alive?

00:12:46.340 Is it, you do like, you just like whisper in there?

00:12:48.160 Like, how do you even know?

00:12:49.000 I believe what the process was, was you put them in under hot water, you boil, you boil

00:12:53.500 them.

00:12:53.620 And then the ones that crack open are dead.

00:12:56.040 And then that's the ones you eat.

00:12:58.180 Cause I was on, I was on a big clam kick like during COVID during COVID.

00:13:01.280 I tried to just expand my culinary life and it was during COVID.

00:13:04.880 So it was probably three years ago now, but the ones that don't open dead, big dead, they're

00:13:10.280 dead, dead.

00:13:11.000 And you can't pry them open and eat them.

00:13:12.280 Cause that would be in that thing.

00:13:14.000 Oh yeah.

00:13:14.480 And you don't want to, I think there's something like even in the clam culture, you don't,

00:13:18.480 you don't like after something's buried, you don't go get, you know, you don't get in

00:13:22.540 the coffin with it.

00:13:23.600 Absolutely not.

00:13:24.240 And then we can't cook it.

00:13:25.160 We got to eat raw clams.

00:13:26.500 I wonder if I were to make a baked clam though, if I could have a dead baked clam.

00:13:31.000 I don't, that's a good question.

00:13:32.360 See, that's the problem.

00:13:33.480 Cause then you're cooking it.

00:13:33.660 Cause then they're all closed, right?

00:13:35.140 So you don't know the difference.

00:13:36.200 Well, the baked clam is usually they'll like take the clam, they'll shuck the clams, take

00:13:39.420 the clam out and then put it in, put it on the half shell and then, but like bake it.

00:13:43.140 So it gets cooked.

00:13:43.700 I mean, everything is dead before it gets cooked.

00:13:45.300 Yeah.

00:13:45.620 But raw clam obviously can't eat a dead one, I guess.

00:13:48.280 It always interests me that clams and oysters are living things.

00:13:51.860 Oh, well, someone told me one time that clams are like oysters that got molested when they

00:13:55.780 were kids and never grew up.

00:13:57.700 Yeah.

00:13:58.340 I could, I could kind of see it.

00:13:59.620 I mean, I, when I do envision clams and oysters, I think of oysters as maybe say the grandfather

00:14:03.300 of shellfish.

00:14:04.340 Yeah.

00:14:04.820 They're definitely the elders.

00:14:05.940 They're the senior citizens.

00:14:07.200 Oh, they definitely, they have like a newspaper under their arm.

00:14:10.520 Oh yeah.

00:14:11.060 Maybe, maybe a walker.

00:14:12.360 Yeah.

00:14:12.680 Yeah.

00:14:13.000 Trying to just wrangle in a clam to talk, tell them about the old days.

00:14:16.360 Yeah.

00:14:17.480 And then there's the mussels too.

00:14:18.940 I love a good mussel, but those are the big three.

00:14:20.960 It's hard to denote sometimes the difference for me between clams and mussels.

00:14:24.160 Let's look at what is the, what is the purpose of oysters in the ocean, Zach?

00:14:28.100 Let's look it up because we've had recently, we've actually been talking about this on here

00:14:32.840 that oysters are like a, um, I would bet they're pretty vital, honestly.

00:14:37.480 Yeah.

00:14:37.940 Oysters are a crucial component of global ocean health.

00:14:40.620 These animals, oh, they're animals.

00:14:43.000 Filter and clean the surrounding water and provide habitat, food, and jobs.

00:14:47.560 Wow.

00:14:48.480 So they're kind of like a, um, like a temp service or something, maybe I guess.

00:14:53.940 And their reefs could also serve as barriers to storms and thuds.

00:14:56.820 Hmm.

00:14:57.480 That's pretty sick.

00:14:58.880 Wow.

00:14:59.420 So they, they, they got a lot of responsibility.

00:15:01.640 How do they filter?

00:15:03.360 Can you look up how oysters filter in the ocean?

00:15:07.380 Because if they're filters, and this is the crazy part, that if they're filters, oysters

00:15:13.180 clams and other shellfish help remove excess nitrogen from waters by incorporating it into

00:15:17.440 their shells and tissues as they grow.

00:15:20.100 That would make sense.

00:15:20.700 I feel like I've never seen a clean oyster shell.

00:15:22.980 Hmm.

00:15:23.340 That's a good point.

00:15:24.040 They're all pretty damn dirty.

00:15:25.200 They're all got a little bit of dirt in there.

00:15:26.960 They're sacrificing themselves for the ocean apparently, which is interesting.

00:15:30.260 You know, it's been new every day.

00:15:31.180 But that's crazy then.

00:15:32.180 So say you broke into like a trap house, right?

00:15:34.480 Somewhere.

00:15:34.860 Yes, sir.

00:15:35.280 And there's some dude in there, he's dirtied up, right?

00:15:37.800 He's got soil.

00:15:38.740 He even had a little bit of soil around his mouth, right?

00:15:41.400 And then you just put, right?

00:15:43.940 You put horseradish on him.

00:15:46.120 You were dumping horseradish on him?

00:15:47.760 Well, because that's where like an oyster is.

00:15:49.520 Yeah, dude.

00:15:50.260 You're right.

00:15:50.480 No, horseradish would take him out pretty quickly.

00:15:52.700 So horseradish are kind of like-

00:15:53.860 That would be his kryptonite.

00:15:54.980 That would be his kryptonite.

00:15:56.000 But then you eat him.

00:15:57.280 Like that's what you're doing.

00:15:58.020 You're basically, because an oyster is like something like a car filter.

00:16:02.680 Remember your grandfather's car filter?

00:16:03.980 He would turn off the little screw thing.

00:16:06.020 He'd open it.

00:16:06.460 He'd pull that filter out.

00:16:07.540 Yes, sir.

00:16:08.200 So that's kind of what we're eating.

00:16:10.800 Dude, I would eat anything with horseradish on it.

00:16:12.600 Honestly, I don't care.

00:16:13.720 Horseradish is damn good.

00:16:15.380 It is good.

00:16:16.420 Horseradish is good.

00:16:17.000 A little cocktail sauce on it as well.

00:16:18.960 Oh, yeah.

00:16:19.620 Yeah, you're right.

00:16:20.300 Who am I?

00:16:20.620 You know what I'm saying?

00:16:21.180 What am I?

00:16:21.840 I don't want to ruin that for anybody.

00:16:23.220 So you guys, so take me through this first anchovy.

00:16:27.700 It's right there.

00:16:28.220 It's by itself.

00:16:29.000 He brings out a canister of them.

00:16:30.420 How many is in there?

00:16:31.360 He brings out a canister.

00:16:32.500 There was about six of us there.

00:16:33.760 I would say we each got to try one, maybe two extra.

00:16:35.980 So I'm going to go with there was about eight in the canister.

00:16:37.940 There was a little tiny oval thing like this.

00:16:40.060 And like I said, I was lucky enough to be there with Christian Petroni and Aaron May,

00:16:43.000 two world-class chefs.

00:16:44.720 So Aaron said, you got to try your first oyster.

00:16:46.740 I said, pal, you're making it for me.

00:16:48.680 So I got this wonderful chef making it for me.

00:16:52.200 We had this great bread that I think they said this exclusive elderly lady down the street

00:16:56.980 baked for them every day, had the bread.

00:16:59.560 Yeah, that really does look gross.

00:17:01.060 The envisioning of the anchovy just by itself.

00:17:03.760 That really does not look good.

00:17:04.840 And that's the buffalo mozzarella on the plate there as well.

00:17:07.360 But a little bread, buffalo mozzarella, anchovy, sun-dried tomato.

00:17:10.780 He made it for me, squished it all down, a dollop of olive oil on top.

00:17:14.820 It was a delightful bite.

00:17:16.280 A little salty, a little salty, very salty, but still, I'm very happy I tried it.

00:17:21.020 Those, the anchove are very salty, right?

00:17:25.060 Extremely.

00:17:25.760 From what I know, I mean, I'm an anchovy virgin.

00:17:28.060 I just lost my virginity 24 hours ago.

00:17:29.680 Damn.

00:17:30.680 And they, now why is it, I notice when you say like mozzarella, and I've noticed when people

00:17:36.280 say salam, they don't, when they go back to Italy, they take off one, like we added a

00:17:43.780 letter.

00:17:44.480 Yeah, so I think, I think they did it and we took the letter off from, from my knowledge.

00:17:49.580 I believe that the thing is when the Italians like came over to America, their broken dialect

00:17:54.920 cut off a, cut off a, the vowel at the end.

00:17:59.940 And so let's say, I only really say mozzarella, but like mozzarella, say mozzarella, prosciutto,

00:18:05.540 they say prosciutto, capicola, they say gabagool.

00:18:08.900 No.

00:18:09.520 Yeah.

00:18:10.020 The gabagool goes a little overboard.

00:18:11.680 Yeah, it's a little.

00:18:12.420 Like I can't, I can't go to an Italian deli with a straight face, but be like, let me get

00:18:15.020 the gabagool.

00:18:15.800 I can't do that with a straight face, but I can say, oh, I'll have the mozzarella, but

00:18:18.800 that's pretty much it.

00:18:19.500 Yes.

00:18:19.940 Prosciutto, gabagool, regatta, people say regat.

00:18:23.140 Nuh-uh.

00:18:23.580 Yeah.

00:18:24.620 Wow.

00:18:25.420 Like parents say that, like grandparents in New York, et cetera, et cetera.

00:18:28.600 But I only really say mozzarella.

00:18:29.940 In my normal day.

00:18:30.840 Ooh, um, calamari, they say galamad.

00:18:34.100 No way.

00:18:34.840 Yeah.

00:18:35.040 But I can't go into a deli with a straight face and, well, let me get a, I'd be like,

00:18:38.400 let me get a hero with prosciutto and gabagool on it.

00:18:41.260 But mozzarella, I say.

00:18:42.260 Or some vajun.

00:18:44.360 Sounds great.

00:18:45.000 Throw it on there.

00:18:45.580 I'm not going to say no to that one.

00:18:46.740 I mean, I just wonder like what other, cause yeah, I guess it makes it sound fancier because

00:18:51.940 you're almost saying I'm going to be the last letter.

00:18:56.100 Sure.

00:18:56.540 Yeah.

00:18:56.840 It's like, I don't need to just put the letter on there.

00:18:58.960 I'm going to show you in my ambiance or my ming, ming, ming, ming.

00:19:04.800 And at the end of the day, there's a lot more fun to say.

00:19:06.920 Yeah.

00:19:07.420 There are a lot more fun to say.

00:19:08.680 Rick, ricotta, that.

00:19:10.820 Ricotta.

00:19:11.660 Ricotta.

00:19:12.300 Ricotta.

00:19:12.940 What's more fun?

00:19:13.580 What's more fun?

00:19:13.860 Sitting there saying ricotta or saying rigott?

00:19:16.300 Rigott.

00:19:17.040 Exactly.

00:19:17.600 Yeah, it does.

00:19:18.680 But it's interesting letters, huh?

00:19:20.820 Yeah.

00:19:21.000 A lot of vowels.

00:19:21.740 We got a lot of vowels.

00:19:23.040 The Italians?

00:19:23.960 Yeah.

00:19:24.560 Everything ends in a vowel.

00:19:27.000 Mostly O's, A's.

00:19:28.120 All my friend group.

00:19:28.800 I think there's 11 of us.

00:19:30.120 Probably nine of us have vowel endings.

00:19:33.400 And are your parents like fresh off the...

00:19:36.760 No, we're pretty Americanized Italian.

00:19:39.020 I don't even know.

00:19:40.500 I don't even know what generation in my family even came from Italy, honestly.

00:19:45.520 But we're pretty Americanized Italian.

00:19:47.540 About Americanized as Italian as it comes.

00:19:50.000 But we're all Long Island still, so everyone...

00:19:51.520 It's really only Italian or Irish.

00:19:53.700 That's pretty much it.

00:19:54.240 Is it?

00:19:54.860 Yeah.

00:19:55.360 I like that.

00:19:56.080 The North Shore is very...

00:19:57.760 There's a lot of Jewish folks up there.

00:19:59.280 And then the South Shore where I'm from, it's literally just like Italian and Irish.

00:20:02.800 Yeah.

00:20:04.880 Do they have...

00:20:06.680 So that's where you grew up at?

00:20:09.380 I was born originally in Corona, Queens.

00:20:11.840 That's where my parents are from.

00:20:13.080 And then we moved to Malvern, Long Island when I was probably, I don't know, four or five

00:20:18.480 in that realm.

00:20:19.440 So I grew up on Long Island.

00:20:20.260 I always say where you grow up is where you went to high school.

00:20:22.500 I think that's a fair assumption.

00:20:24.420 I feel like that's your formative years.

00:20:25.820 Where you went to high school?

00:20:26.780 Yeah.

00:20:27.220 Where you went to high school is where you're from.

00:20:28.820 Now, in Italian culture, if a woman is like kind of...

00:20:32.040 Do you describe women also as like...

00:20:36.040 Relate them to like pastas or something, I was thinking maybe?

00:20:40.840 Like this girl's a real vermicelli.

00:20:42.460 This girl's a real farfalle?

00:20:43.840 Yeah.

00:20:44.340 No, but we could.

00:20:45.600 I mean, there's a lot of great pastas.

00:20:46.920 There's pappardelle.

00:20:48.160 There's rigatoni.

00:20:50.080 I've never equated women to a pasta though.

00:20:52.140 Vermicelli's very like, it's almost like she's a little thin.

00:20:55.760 Yeah.

00:20:56.060 You go linguine there too as well.

00:20:57.820 Is linguine even thinner?

00:20:59.120 Linguine is pretty damn thin.

00:21:00.780 It's like a very, very thin spaghetti.

00:21:03.740 Vermicelli has to be thinner.

00:21:05.140 Vermicelli...

00:21:05.500 Can you look up vermicelli?

00:21:06.700 I don't know.

00:21:07.140 I want to look at, make sure I know exactly what we're talking about.

00:21:09.140 Dude, if I'm eating vermicelli, it's almost like I want to make sure its parents aren't

00:21:12.580 home.

00:21:12.960 You know what I'm saying?

00:21:13.200 It feels very...

00:21:15.200 Vermicelli.

00:21:16.360 I mean, sorry.

00:21:17.180 That is...

00:21:18.100 Vermicelli's definitely thinner.

00:21:19.740 Than linguine?

00:21:21.860 Yeah.

00:21:22.100 Okay.

00:21:22.300 So there's vermicelli.

00:21:23.400 Okay.

00:21:23.600 We're just looking at images here.

00:21:25.000 Can we get any...

00:21:25.740 Do they have a chart somewhere?

00:21:27.240 Look at that nest of vermicelli.

00:21:28.600 Let's get a pasta chart up here.

00:21:30.180 Yeah.

00:21:30.800 My personal favorite's pappardelle, I think.

00:21:32.580 I'm a pappardelle guy.

00:21:33.840 See, I'm not even familiar with it.

00:21:37.460 Ooh, there we go.

00:21:39.020 Yeah, I like the farfalle.

00:21:40.020 That's really good.

00:21:40.800 There's a good, great sausage dish by me that there's a sausage farfalle.

00:21:44.900 So I'm impartial at, but any penne is classic.

00:21:48.660 If I could date one queen, though, maybe go with the fusilli.

00:21:53.360 Ooh.

00:21:54.180 The fusilli.

00:21:55.180 The fusilli.

00:21:55.760 You don't know what you're getting, dude.

00:21:56.900 And where is that one?

00:21:57.960 It's like right there.

00:21:58.980 Oh, in the middle, in the top.

00:22:00.100 It's like spirally looking.

00:22:01.400 It's like playing a mystery game.

00:22:02.660 Oh, yeah.

00:22:03.240 That one definitely, you could see it having some bipolar issues.

00:22:07.040 Let's go down a little bit.

00:22:08.240 I want to see what else is on here.

00:22:10.280 Ooh, that rigatone.

00:22:12.040 Like the rigatoni?

00:22:13.020 Mm-hmm.

00:22:14.360 I would say that's the classic.

00:22:15.600 That's like just blonde, blue eyes.

00:22:18.100 Nothing better than that.

00:22:18.840 It's an all-American classic.

00:22:19.960 The rigatone, yeah.

00:22:21.000 The rigatone.

00:22:21.980 And what if you get that thick Asian girl?

00:22:23.780 What's that one, that pad thai?

00:22:25.200 Or what's the one that has like those egg noodles?

00:22:27.700 Okay.

00:22:28.420 What are the actual noodles on that?

00:22:29.920 Yeah.

00:22:30.180 I think it might be just egg noodles.

00:22:31.700 Yeah.

00:22:31.980 Because I don't think, well, I don't think they could, I mean, they're kind of technically

00:22:34.180 the same.

00:22:34.500 I mean, I had ramen for the first time last week.

00:22:36.180 I don't know what the.

00:22:36.880 Really?

00:22:37.360 Yeah.

00:22:38.220 I just dove into it.

00:22:39.280 A new place opened by my house.

00:22:40.500 So I just said, fuck it.

00:22:41.260 Let's try it.

00:22:41.860 And did you go alone?

00:22:42.840 I went with my cousin and my dad.

00:22:45.040 Okay.

00:22:45.440 So you guys go to fame.

00:22:46.220 So is going to eat like at a new place, is that a family thing for you guys?

00:22:50.300 No.

00:22:50.680 Honestly, we were at Easter and I was having a few beverages and I told my little cousin

00:22:54.060 that I want to go to the ramen place.

00:22:56.600 He said, I want to go too.

00:22:58.300 So I said, you know what?

00:22:59.320 Fuck it.

00:22:59.660 I'll take the guy.

00:23:00.460 Yeah.

00:23:00.640 I had a nice meal.

00:23:01.840 It was fine.

00:23:02.320 It was good for Monday night.

00:23:03.200 I'll take a Monday night meal.

00:23:04.420 I didn't have to cut up the Monday nights.

00:23:05.980 I'll happily go.

00:23:06.520 I'll go to the movies.

00:23:07.420 I mean, golf.

00:23:08.100 Yeah.

00:23:08.720 Because I have down to sit in my bed and watch YouTube all night.

00:23:11.040 And that's the point of that.

00:23:11.900 It's not fun.

00:23:12.380 And you just sit there and wait for enough time to pass to then go to sleep.

00:23:15.860 So Monday nights thing.

00:23:17.580 Monday, Tuesday, Wednesdays.

00:23:19.140 Yeah.

00:23:19.520 I guess there is something about it maybe that's like you're waiting for the fun to happen.

00:23:25.720 Well, most people are also working.

00:23:26.820 You got to get some work.

00:23:27.900 Those are kind of work days.

00:23:29.360 Yeah.

00:23:29.720 You know?

00:23:30.280 Like we're on a Tuesday right now.

00:23:32.100 100%.

00:23:32.500 So it's like we're able to get this done.

00:23:34.280 Fridays sometimes are tougher to fit things in.

00:23:36.500 You feel like the week is like, you kind of feel like the weekend's just about to get

00:23:40.820 its period.

00:23:41.420 I feel like it's just like everything is just about to come crashing down.

00:23:45.300 I'm just a fan of the weekend, dude.

00:23:46.620 You're right.

00:23:47.100 I mean, basically Monday to Wednesday, I just sit around and do nothing.

00:23:50.100 At night, I'm just sitting around and doing nothing.

00:23:51.920 Yeah.

00:23:52.520 Just waiting for the party.

00:23:53.460 Waiting for maybe even Thursday.

00:23:55.180 Thursday, I'd like to do a nice dinner.

00:23:56.220 Me and my friends have been doing dinner Thursdays, which is quite nice.

00:23:58.940 Because now I'm old.

00:23:59.740 I'm older.

00:24:00.520 I appreciate it.

00:24:01.180 Like I said, just a good meal.

00:24:02.140 Good meal with pals is fine to me.

00:24:03.700 It's like I like Thursday kick off the weekend.

00:24:05.260 Kind of brings me back to high school.

00:24:06.380 We used to go to Applebee's every Thursday night.

00:24:08.600 A couple half apps.

00:24:10.200 Yeah.

00:24:11.420 Morgan and Morgan, they are America's largest injury law firm.

00:24:17.540 If you've been hurt at work or in a, you know, something happened, bam, something fell

00:24:24.880 on you, washer, dryer, you know, heck, even if a UFO dang hits you, they might be able

00:24:30.920 to help Morgan and Morgan with over $15 billion recovered for clients.

00:24:36.340 They have a true proven track record of fighting to get you full and fair compensation.

00:24:44.140 Submitting an injury claim with Morgan and Morgan is so easy.

00:24:46.640 It's more like you using an app than hiring a lawyer.

00:24:51.780 With Morgan and Morgan, you can submit a claim without ever having to leave your couch.

00:24:56.600 That's right.

00:24:57.760 That's right.

00:24:58.140 In eight clicks or less, you can submit a claim to Morgan and Morgan.

00:25:01.280 If you're ever injured, you can check out Morgan and Morgan.

00:25:03.720 Their fee is free unless they win.

00:25:07.300 For more information, go to forthepeople.com slash this past weekend or dial pound law.

00:25:14.940 That's pound five to nine from your cell phone.

00:25:18.140 That's F-O-R the people.com slash this past weekend or pound five to nine from your cell.

00:25:26.660 This is a paid advertisement.

00:25:28.500 Using the internet without express VPN is like walking your dog in public without securing

00:25:35.280 them on a leash.

00:25:37.100 Don't do it.

00:25:38.480 Most of the time you'll probably be fine.

00:25:40.420 But what if one day your dog runs away or gets dog napped?

00:25:45.360 Oh, dang.

00:25:47.060 It's better to be careful, especially when it's as simple as it's using Express VPN.

00:25:53.340 Get an extra three months of Express VPN free at expressvpn.com slash Theo.

00:26:00.100 That's expressvpn.com slash Theo.

00:26:04.060 Expressvpn.com slash Theo.

00:26:07.080 Look, I'm going to be honest with you.

00:26:08.760 Do you want to nerd the fuck out, homie?

00:26:11.780 Do you want to grab your shy girlfriend and go nerd the fuck out?

00:26:18.380 Well, RTX is a gaming comedy animation and podcast festival that's happening in Austin, Texas

00:26:26.340 at the convention center from July 7th to the 9th.

00:26:30.760 That's right.

00:26:31.200 It's a fan expo that Rooster Teeth, a digital entertainment company out of Austin, has been

00:26:36.620 throwing since 2011.

00:26:39.140 There will be new shows that are debuting.

00:26:41.320 They light new candles over there with the return of the animated show Camp Camp.

00:26:46.660 They got gameplay competitions on the main stage, live comedy.

00:26:51.000 Everything from mini golf to paranormal themed escape rooms.

00:26:54.260 They have an F-Face museum.

00:26:57.500 That sounds interesting.

00:27:00.420 And they even have random ass things like Jackie Chan's tuxedo from The Tuxedo.

00:27:06.540 There are evening events from parties, comedy showcases, and everything in between.

00:27:10.960 That's in Austin.

00:27:12.640 Exclusively just for our fans, you can get discounted rates for regular badge prices.

00:27:17.380 Go to rtxaustin.com and enter code THEO.

00:27:21.980 Don't miss out on one of the biggest parties in Austin this summer.

00:27:25.300 Dude, there was something nice about trying to make love to somebody that worked at the

00:27:28.860 Applebee's, wasn't there?

00:27:30.260 I never tried.

00:27:31.260 We never had any.

00:27:32.980 We had a lot of waiters, not waitresses.

00:27:35.160 But I could totally see it.

00:27:36.660 Applebee's is a cool spot.

00:27:37.600 It's a cool hookup spot for the olds.

00:27:39.160 Yeah.

00:27:39.320 I saw one time I saw a mom I grew up with out there on a date one night.

00:27:42.960 Tried to not make eye contact with her.

00:27:44.980 I didn't make eye contact with her, thank God.

00:27:46.380 But Applebee's, I'm sure they have nice deals, frankly.

00:27:51.400 Yeah, well, I think Applebee's has kind of been, you know, in a lot of places, Applebee's

00:27:57.500 is that first place you get to go, you know?

00:28:00.200 It's like the first, for some places, it's the first restaurant, you know?

00:28:04.220 Like where I'm from, like my niece, I was talking to her yesterday, and she's like,

00:28:08.780 you know, my favorite restaurant is Jimmy John's.

00:28:10.780 And I was like, well, that's not really a restaurant, but it is a restaurant, depending

00:28:15.020 on where you're at.

00:28:15.900 A hundred percent.

00:28:16.660 I've learned that recently since we started Sunday Conversation in the last few years.

00:28:19.560 I've just been traveling so much.

00:28:20.600 And that's like one of the first things I tell my friends when we're talking about kind

00:28:24.000 of just even the middle of America or anywhere, really, that's not a massive city.

00:28:28.360 Like if you're a kid in Indiana, your deli's Jimmy John's.

00:28:32.300 Yeah.

00:28:32.460 Your pizza is Papa John's, which is crazy for my brain to think about, but that's just

00:28:38.280 how it is.

00:28:38.700 And I never realized that.

00:28:39.860 Yeah.

00:28:40.060 And I thought, I mean, not this thing's wrong with Jimmy John's.

00:28:42.040 I love Jimmy John's.

00:28:42.920 I'm a massive fan of Jimmy John's.

00:28:44.760 I don't know how they do it so fast.

00:28:45.880 And the bread is so good with the oil.

00:28:47.340 But yeah, like any random person growing up, I guess their deli technically is Jimmy John's.

00:28:53.020 Yeah.

00:28:53.720 Yeah.

00:28:54.000 It's interesting.

00:28:54.580 That's kind of how you learn about even anything, seeing things like a mozzarella cheese or

00:28:58.540 something like a, like some people, it's like, you know, they'll have like a, one of those

00:29:05.640 like Italian restaurants and they put a new like pasta and that's how you learn about

00:29:11.480 the pasta.

00:29:12.020 And I love seeing, I love seeing Italian restaurants wherever, when any random place here, I would

00:29:15.960 say we're in Texas, nine out of 10 names are literally just Paisanos.

00:29:19.980 Those are just the names of all of them.

00:29:21.760 It's crazy.

00:29:22.160 I mean, I don't even know if there's ever been a ball of fresh mozzarella in Topeka, Kansas.

00:29:25.600 Has there been?

00:29:26.360 I have no idea.

00:29:27.500 Maybe you're in prohibition or something.

00:29:29.420 Oh yeah.

00:29:30.300 When they were just, when people were running out of alcohol and they were trying to suffice

00:29:33.000 them with other stuff, you know, there were things to be sufficed by.

00:29:35.640 Yeah.

00:29:36.120 God, I guess it is pretty good.

00:29:37.460 I'm trying to think if I know about a lot of different cheeses or not.

00:29:40.800 I didn't until yesterday.

00:29:42.680 I don't.

00:29:43.580 I'm not, I'm not a massive, massive cheese person though.

00:29:45.620 It doesn't, it doesn't rev my engine.

00:29:47.300 Really?

00:29:47.920 Not really.

00:29:48.820 You just went into a back room and with a bunch of men you didn't know to get it.

00:29:51.920 And well, Hey, I was told to go there.

00:29:53.920 I said, these chefs are taking me to lunch.

00:29:55.400 I'm letting them rock.

00:29:56.360 That would, I'm letting them go.

00:29:57.620 That would, I mean, that would be like, right.

00:30:00.340 That would be like going to play basketball with Michael Jordan and me picking the teams.

00:30:03.900 Okay.

00:30:04.240 Yeah.

00:30:04.680 So I was said, I'm letting you guys rock.

00:30:05.980 And Hey, it was great.

00:30:06.640 The cheese was great.

00:30:07.780 I mean, I also counter said that as I would say a bite of good fresh mozzarella is up there

00:30:11.560 for one of my favorite bites I've had just in life in general.

00:30:14.180 But outside of that, cheese doesn't, doesn't absurdly do it for me.

00:30:17.300 Yeah.

00:30:17.900 Yeah.

00:30:18.340 Now, a lot of people are wanting to know, and I'm still wanting to know.

00:30:20.640 So you had six anchovies in the can.

00:30:22.540 How there was, it was eight anchovies.

00:30:24.000 There were six of you guys.

00:30:24.980 What do you do with those last two?

00:30:26.800 I don't know who took the other last one, but one of the chefs did say, I should take

00:30:30.380 the last one because it was, would only be my second anchovy of all time.

00:30:33.200 So I had two of the anchovies.

00:30:34.260 So I guess that was an anchovy glutton, but I enjoyed them.

00:30:36.920 Did you change the way you ate it the second time?

00:30:39.100 Um, no, same way I said, cause once again, the chef, I may told me have this anchovy.

00:30:46.300 I said, dude, only if you chef it up for me again, if he's there, I want them to be the

00:30:50.540 chefs, you know?

00:30:50.960 Oh yeah.

00:30:51.920 I want them to be the guides, the spiritual guides.

00:30:55.520 There's something kind of, there's something, I don't want to say erotic, but there is something

00:30:59.400 very sensual about getting a good food.

00:31:03.680 Cause you're putting it on your tongue, you know, people don't realize that a lot.

00:31:07.160 A lot of times people are just like, I'm putting something in my mouth, you know, I'm having

00:31:10.880 this, I'm getting it, I'm inhaling, I'm bringing it into me.

00:31:14.180 But that tongue is right there too.

00:31:16.360 The tongue is very sexual.

00:31:17.520 And hey, there's a lot of aphrodisiacs out there as well.

00:31:19.600 Yeah.

00:31:19.920 Oysters.

00:31:20.700 Oysters is big aphrodisiac.

00:31:22.120 Which is crazy because they collect junk out of the ocean, but it said they bring in nitrogen.

00:31:27.840 Is nitrogen aphrodisiac?

00:31:31.060 I'm not totally sure what the rest of the aphrodisiacs are.

00:31:34.300 I know Valentine's day.

00:31:36.020 What else?

00:31:36.480 Ooh, Valentine's day is a good one.

00:31:38.880 Is nitrogen a aphrodisiac?

00:31:40.800 Let me see.

00:31:44.940 Ooh, traditional plant aphrodisiacs and male sexual dysfunction.

00:31:49.960 Ooh.

00:31:50.340 That sounds like the opposite.

00:31:51.340 It's the opposite day.

00:31:52.220 I've looked at it before, I'm sure.

00:31:53.960 Chocolate, definitely.

00:31:55.920 Figs, oysters, spicy chili peppers.

00:31:59.100 Strawberries.

00:32:00.700 Can you put, why is oysters an aphrodisiac?

00:32:03.820 The bivalves, what does it say, Zach?

00:32:12.920 Uh, the bivalves do contain zinc, which has been found to be an essential nutrient for

00:32:19.220 testosterone production in spermatogenesis, I assume.

00:32:24.880 Dude, this could be really dumb.

00:32:25.820 Isn't zinc what we make coins out of?

00:32:28.520 Yeah.

00:32:28.880 So you could suck on a damn nickel, boy, and get hard, probably.

00:32:33.320 Why not, dude?

00:32:34.200 Oh, especially if you're poor, dude.

00:32:35.480 Nothing gets you harder than a good nickel.

00:32:37.040 Imagine a quarter.

00:32:38.100 Ugh.

00:32:38.840 Imagine a silver dollar.

00:32:39.820 Can't stop.

00:32:40.280 Imagine a silver dollar.

00:32:41.400 Bro, can't stop.

00:32:42.200 I've been doing all that for a month.

00:32:43.500 Oh, I'm a peeping tongue, bro.

00:32:44.680 I put a silver dollar on my tongue, I'm a peeping tongue.

00:32:47.080 George Washington, no one hit him.

00:32:48.660 Didn't know it hit him.

00:32:50.860 So tell me how, so you grew up kind of in this Italian environment, and is it just you?

00:32:54.840 Is there other women in the household?

00:32:56.280 Is there other children?

00:32:57.360 I'm actually an only child.

00:32:58.440 No way.

00:32:59.120 Yeah.

00:33:00.120 Yep.

00:33:00.740 And why did your parents stop with just you, you think?

00:33:02.960 I don't really know.

00:33:03.640 I'm sure you were a handsome child, huh?

00:33:06.120 No, probably not.

00:33:07.480 Really?

00:33:07.640 I was a skinny child until I always say I got cocksacky, and then that kind of thing.

00:33:12.200 And it threw me off the rail.

00:33:13.180 I couldn't eat for a few weeks.

00:33:14.320 Oh, you got a disease?

00:33:15.840 Cocksacky is like a few-week disease, but I couldn't eat for like two months.

00:33:18.460 And I just said I had to make up for lost time, and I've just been making up for lost

00:33:20.800 time since, you know?

00:33:21.900 Because I do have like photos of me when I was, say, seven years old, and I was a skinny

00:33:25.740 little, I was a skinny guy.

00:33:26.880 Really?

00:33:27.340 Yeah.

00:33:27.980 And when you look at those photos, do you think, because some people look at weight as

00:33:32.140 like an uncommon, I mean, how do you look at weight?

00:33:35.540 What am I talking about?

00:33:36.480 How do I look?

00:33:37.000 I don't really know.

00:33:38.100 I think it's more, I mean, I don't want to say it's a mindset.

00:33:40.220 It's obviously not a mindset.

00:33:41.020 But like, I'm pretty, pretty happy with my, with my weight, per se.

00:33:45.080 There was a time in my life where I was shockingly way bigger than I was now.

00:33:48.700 Like, I think maybe like 50, 60 pounds bigger.

00:33:52.020 And then I was like, and I was like, fuck, dude, I'm a, I'm a large gentleman.

00:33:56.020 I got to, I should probably stop this.

00:33:57.940 Because I was like, I mean, it was just, I was eating a shitload of this.

00:34:00.360 I was eating some, there's no reason to have a chicken cutlet with bacon sandwich for

00:34:04.320 lunch every day.

00:34:05.000 There's just no need for it.

00:34:05.920 Not every day.

00:34:06.560 So then I cut that off and then I cut that off and I lost probably 20 pounds and then

00:34:11.800 COVID hit.

00:34:12.480 And then I just stayed home and just like drank every night and ate grilled chicken every day

00:34:16.520 and lost weight then.

00:34:18.480 So now I'm like sitting out of steady, like 290, 295 right now.

00:34:21.920 You really weigh that much?

00:34:23.500 Yeah.

00:34:23.800 Yeah.

00:34:24.240 You don't look that big.

00:34:25.360 Really?

00:34:25.740 Yeah.

00:34:27.060 I'm going to play this clip whenever I walk on an airplane.

00:34:28.580 Cause I always feel bad walking on an airplane.

00:34:30.120 Do you?

00:34:30.660 Yeah, dude.

00:34:31.280 You have no idea how much airplane stress I always have.

00:34:34.160 So take me through that airplane stress.

00:34:35.960 So you're, cause yeah, you know, once you get to the airport, you know that you're big.

00:34:40.000 Yeah.

00:34:40.200 I know, I know quite literally everybody on this plane is looking at me saying, please

00:34:44.340 don't sit here.

00:34:45.260 That's why it's nice though, because now I'm a Delta Diamond guy.

00:34:47.880 No big deal.

00:34:48.760 I get to order, I get to board the flight first.

00:34:52.680 Yes.

00:34:52.920 So at least I get that out of the way, but I mean, there was one time me, Kate, me, Caleb

00:34:57.100 and our, and our girl Kelsey were traveling to Lake Tahoe from LA.

00:35:00.960 So it was a quick flight, but our flight got canceled the night before.

00:35:03.320 So we had to get on a Southwest flight last minute and we got like the 54th opening on

00:35:08.080 Southwest.

00:35:08.860 How there's his first come first serve.

00:35:10.780 So we were the last people to sit down and I was walking down the aisle and literally

00:35:15.220 I felt like Forrest Gump getting on the bus knowing nobody wants you to sit there.

00:35:18.640 There were only middle seats left.

00:35:19.860 Then thank God wrote say 23.

00:35:22.120 I saw like a 12 year old kid by the window.

00:35:23.820 I said, you're mine motherfucker.

00:35:26.000 Just sat right next to him.

00:35:27.120 We took out, but we, we, Hey, we, we became friends.

00:35:28.780 His name was Terry.

00:35:29.360 He was a great kid.

00:35:30.000 He was like 13.

00:35:31.080 We bonded the whole flight.

00:35:32.260 He was saying he was going to visit his grandparents in Reno.

00:35:34.640 And we, uh, we had a great time.

00:35:36.120 We played baseball on his iPad together.

00:35:38.040 He was great.

00:35:38.700 But he said he saved my day because I was quite literally shitting bricks knowing every

00:35:42.840 single person on this plane is telling themselves, please don't sit here.

00:35:46.300 Please don't sit here.

00:35:47.120 Please don't sit here.

00:35:47.960 It's a shitty feeling.

00:35:48.860 That'll make you want to lose a little weight.

00:35:50.100 It's like that Plinko game kind of where you're like, but you don't want it to get

00:35:54.000 in the, you don't want it to land.

00:35:55.300 The Southwest was quite literally like, it was a scary experience because there were only

00:35:58.800 middle seats left.

00:36:00.060 There were only middle seats left.

00:36:01.520 And then there was maybe, maybe the idea that there was an aisle seat all the way in the

00:36:05.560 back.

00:36:05.800 But should I have risked that instead of sitting next to the 12 year old?

00:36:09.120 I went with the 12 year old.

00:36:10.220 Yeah.

00:36:10.480 You got to make that.

00:36:11.020 I went with the 12 year old.

00:36:12.020 And is it amazing that at that point you go to the warmth of children?

00:36:15.480 You go to the kindness of a young child who has yet to determine in his head, hey, I

00:36:21.100 don't like, I don't want to sit next to this fat guy to the, to the fix.

00:36:24.100 Yes.

00:36:24.620 It was, well, it was, it was not that Terry was a great kid, but it was also just, uh,

00:36:28.400 he's small.

00:36:29.260 He's a small guy.

00:36:30.280 Okay.

00:36:30.560 So he's a very small kid.

00:36:31.800 So you guys put matching up together.

00:36:34.280 Yeah.

00:36:34.600 It almost made sense.

00:36:35.540 It's a beautiful relief whenever someone ever big skitties, it's next to you.

00:36:39.000 It was like a mice and meat.

00:36:40.520 Yes.

00:36:41.100 That's a perfect example.

00:36:42.080 I mean, Terry, we bonded.

00:36:43.020 We had a great time.

00:36:43.820 Wow.

00:36:44.280 Yeah.

00:36:44.460 It was really nice, but it's always great.

00:36:45.920 Like sometimes when you sit next to a toddler, you get lucky for a toddler sitting next to

00:36:49.400 you on a plane.

00:36:49.860 That's always convenient.

00:36:51.020 At work, we have a, we have a shorter gentleman.

00:36:54.240 I like to sit next to him if we travel together.

00:36:56.460 I've seen him.

00:36:57.100 You guys did the, uh.

00:36:57.780 Yeah.

00:36:58.040 Yeah.

00:36:58.360 We did our first Morgan Wallen Sunday Conversation.

00:37:01.560 He took my place.

00:37:02.740 Oh, you might've seen him in that.

00:37:03.960 Yeah.

00:37:04.480 You put the brother and he snuck in the brother on Wallen.

00:37:06.820 Yeah.

00:37:07.080 Well, what happened was, uh, well, what happened was we, uh, we originally, when we first started

00:37:10.440 Sunday Conversation, we were doing two Roan, you know who Roan is?

00:37:13.800 Roan was also doing them as well.

00:37:15.220 So I went, I was, I was pissed because at the time I'm still a massive fan, but I always

00:37:19.240 loved Darius Rucker.

00:37:20.340 And that was the day they were doing a, like a four place scramble, like with Wallen, Hardy,

00:37:24.260 Darius, and Jake Owen.

00:37:26.420 And then we had, me and Roan had a shoot with Doug Flutie in Melbourne, Florida.

00:37:31.300 And they said, you're going to, you're going to Doug Flutie, Zaz going to, uh, Troubadour

00:37:36.020 to do the, um, shoot with Wallen.

00:37:38.120 And I said, fucking Zaz about to hang out all day with Darius, man.

00:37:41.320 And I'm sitting here with Doug Flutie in a conference room in a Marriott in Melbourne

00:37:44.280 Beach, Florida.

00:37:45.260 That sucked.

00:37:45.960 I was disappointed about that.

00:37:46.860 And luckily two years later, we did Darius on Sunday Conversation and that was great.

00:37:50.660 But at the time it's stung, it's stung.

00:37:53.740 When the, yeah, when the boss says, the boss says.

00:37:55.780 Yeah.

00:37:56.560 Um, so you're growing up there only child, right?

00:37:59.320 And what kind of work are you in when you're doing, are you a funny guy?

00:38:03.820 What kind of kid are you?

00:38:04.860 And you're a thicker kid.

00:38:05.840 You said you went through the disease, you got out of it, you got, you got to start you

00:38:09.920 and you started thickening it up.

00:38:11.800 Yeah, we thicked up.

00:38:12.620 We thicked up pretty good.

00:38:13.320 Did the whole family, because sometimes there's kind of like a thing where a whole family will

00:38:17.140 put on weight at the same time.

00:38:18.340 Like something happens, a grandmother dies or there's a, like a, not a power outage,

00:38:23.820 but like a, um, you know, like a nuclear disaster or something, you know?

00:38:28.440 No, I would say, I would not say so, but we're definitely a larger family.

00:38:31.340 I would say half, half thicks, half non-thicks.

00:38:34.040 Okay.

00:38:34.860 But in, in like the, not the immediate family, like my aunts and uncles and whatnot, but growing

00:38:38.400 up, yeah, I would just say, I would say a fun guy.

00:38:40.740 I don't think, I don't think absurdly funny, but fun.

00:38:43.260 I'll be always hung out with the, with the, with the good guys.

00:38:45.660 I'm still best friends with all my friends growing up.

00:38:48.240 So yeah, I think, I think relatively normal childhood, Catholic high school, Catholic

00:38:51.780 high school and grade school.

00:38:52.940 That was interesting.

00:38:53.580 Oh wow.

00:38:54.100 Cause that's all boys in there, huh?

00:38:55.460 Oh no, we, we had co-ed there.

00:38:57.060 Our rival college high school was, um, all dudes, but we were co-ed.

00:39:02.120 They must've been so jealousy.

00:39:03.920 You guys.

00:39:04.240 Yeah, dude.

00:39:04.740 The thing too with them is there was, so there were three high schools in the area, Catholic

00:39:07.900 high schools.

00:39:08.800 Sacred Heart was all girls.

00:39:10.400 Chaminade was all boys.

00:39:11.420 And then Kellenberg where I went was co-ed.

00:39:13.120 And so they all had Sacred Heart, I think had Cotillion and Chaminade had Aquaprom.

00:39:18.460 So then we always had to watch our, our few Sacred Heart and Chaminade friends try to

00:39:21.620 match up.

00:39:22.580 So they all had to get each other from a distance and we actually had no prom at Kellenberg.

00:39:26.560 Yeah.

00:39:26.980 Our prom got canceled for, um, flaunting of affluence.

00:39:30.420 And what?

00:39:30.820 People being wealthy?

00:39:31.800 Yeah.

00:39:32.300 Definitely not me, but like other people, I got canceled in 2006, our prom did.

00:39:36.260 So I never had a prom.

00:39:37.100 Damn.

00:39:37.500 Yeah.

00:39:37.660 That was, that was a whole big thing.

00:39:38.980 Colbert talked about it on Colbert Report.

00:39:40.780 Your prom got canceled.

00:39:42.180 What happened?

00:39:42.520 Your prom got canceled.

00:39:43.600 Yeah.

00:39:43.860 Well, I don't do a fake prom somewhere.

00:39:45.400 So our fucking prom, our, I guess our kind of prom, we did a boat ride around Manhattan,

00:39:50.060 which pretty fun.

00:39:51.780 It was fun.

00:39:52.540 But Hey, let me tell you, as, as a larger gentleman that did not have sex in high school,

00:39:56.760 it took a lot of stress away from having to find a prom date.

00:39:59.620 Oh wow.

00:40:00.360 What a relief, huh?

00:40:01.740 It was like sitting next to, to a toddler on a plane.

00:40:03.760 Seriously.

00:40:04.180 It was quite nice.

00:40:04.880 That, that, that I will say was fun.

00:40:06.580 And then, yeah, I never had the prom.

00:40:08.320 Didn't have a prom.

00:40:08.860 Dude, what if you don't think about that?

00:40:11.960 You don't think about the other half of the school.

00:40:13.940 Cause there's half of the school that's like, yeah, prom, this is it.

00:40:17.180 I have a girlfriend.

00:40:18.300 I have a boyfriend.

00:40:19.300 I'm lucky.

00:40:20.580 I'm, you know, unisex.

00:40:22.540 I don't need anybody.

00:40:23.480 Just American time.

00:40:24.120 Like, but then there's like half the people that are like, fuck, I don't have anybody.

00:40:29.880 I'm afraid to ask someone.

00:40:31.840 My partner is ill or something.

00:40:34.860 Um, I've been molested, you know, just all kinds of stuff.

00:40:38.240 Yeah.

00:40:38.440 Always two sides of the story.

00:40:39.560 It was, so I, I enjoyed it.

00:40:40.860 I didn't mind it.

00:40:41.900 Fox, you're like, wow.

00:40:43.440 Yeah.

00:40:43.780 I was, I said to myself, this is kind of nice.

00:40:45.660 I, I was a little concerned though.

00:40:46.940 People were going to start taking dates to this boat ride.

00:40:48.940 Luckily they didn't.

00:40:49.680 Right.

00:40:50.240 And it was fine.

00:40:50.980 We basically just hung out.

00:40:51.880 It was, dude, do you remember how nerve wracking it was?

00:40:55.220 If somebody asked you to make, to get a date, right?

00:40:58.940 Like we had like Sadie Hawken, right?

00:41:00.900 Where the kid had, uh, the girl had to buy you a shirt, right?

00:41:04.980 And it was a matching shirt.

00:41:07.800 So first off, my mom was like, don't pick out some girl that picks out shitty shirts.

00:41:12.040 Like, right.

00:41:12.700 You know, grandma already gets you shitty shirts every year.

00:41:15.700 You need a good shirt.

00:41:17.520 So now I have this pressure, right?

00:41:19.500 And I'm not, you don't even get to pick.

00:41:20.960 Like the girl picks you.

00:41:22.420 Kind of like penguins.

00:41:23.880 Is it a women's picks it?

00:41:24.920 I could be dumb, but I think women, no, sorry.

00:41:27.060 Men present the women with a pearl.

00:41:28.580 My apologies.

00:41:29.460 But yes.

00:41:30.260 With a pearl?

00:41:31.020 Yeah.

00:41:31.320 I believe that's how they find it.

00:41:32.160 They find like a pearl or something.

00:41:33.320 That's how they propose to their ladies.

00:41:35.100 Really?

00:41:35.700 Yup.

00:41:36.240 I think so.

00:41:37.560 Wow.

00:41:37.880 Bring that up.

00:41:39.180 I'm pretty sure.

00:41:40.080 I believe it's a pearl.

00:41:40.900 They definitely find something.

00:41:41.780 I was watching an animal show one time and they like went to the end of the earth to find

00:41:44.980 their thing to present their lady.

00:41:46.340 I think you're watching maybe Ice Age or something.

00:41:49.260 I think it's something like that.

00:41:50.480 Is it using a pearl to propose?

00:41:51.940 I think so.

00:41:52.900 Because I'm not seeing anything on that.

00:41:54.560 Maybe not a pearl, but definitely something.

00:41:56.020 They have to find something and then give it to the lady.

00:41:57.880 I'm pretty sure.

00:41:58.860 How do penguins propose to one another?

00:42:03.380 Oh, with pebbles.

00:42:04.540 Pebbles.

00:42:05.060 Sorry.

00:42:05.800 A less fancy pearl.

00:42:08.500 That's a very good point.

00:42:09.320 That's all a pebble is, dude.

00:42:10.940 Yeah.

00:42:11.160 A pebble is just a pearl.

00:42:12.740 It's in rehab.

00:42:12.840 It finds the smoothest pebble.

00:42:15.560 Isn't that nice?

00:42:16.420 Romance.

00:42:16.720 People think romance is dead, huh?

00:42:18.220 That's a good point, isn't it?

00:42:19.980 During courtship, a male penguin will find the smoothest pebble to give to a female as

00:42:24.500 a gift.

00:42:25.320 If she likes the offering, she'll place it in the nest and the two will continue building

00:42:29.680 up their little pebble mound in preparation for the eggs.

00:42:32.200 That's actually beautiful.

00:42:33.340 I didn't know that.

00:42:34.140 Yeah.

00:42:34.440 I'm going to cry right now.

00:42:35.180 I didn't know that that was their beginning of the foundation for their nest for their

00:42:38.560 eggs.

00:42:38.840 That's fucking cute.

00:42:40.220 Dude, that is so romantic.

00:42:41.980 That's romantic as hell.

00:42:43.080 Because first of all, to even be a penguin, right, and balance a little pebble.

00:42:48.060 Yeah.

00:42:48.360 And they don't, it's not like they look down at the pebbles there.

00:42:50.260 They got to go find the smoothest pebble.

00:42:51.840 Yeah.

00:42:52.020 And first of all, how do you even lift the pebble further?

00:42:54.420 Because you can barely even look down.

00:42:56.160 I don't think a penguin can look down.

00:42:58.040 So you have to almost get the pebble way up here and look at it.

00:43:00.840 Maybe kick it.

00:43:01.760 Yes.

00:43:02.080 But then how do you test if it's the smoothest?

00:43:04.640 Oh.

00:43:05.920 How about that?

00:43:07.400 Penguins are wild.

00:43:08.360 Look at the one of them giving it to the other one.

00:43:10.560 Wow.

00:43:10.800 With the beak, he gives it.

00:43:12.340 Dude, it's like when Harry met Sally.

00:43:14.380 Yeah.

00:43:17.080 Man, that's amazing.

00:43:19.720 Is there something else really romantic that happens in nature?

00:43:22.700 See if you can find some of nature's best romance.

00:43:25.820 Because the only other thing I've seen is that lizard, that guy who's like a total perv

00:43:29.500 that puts the big fake thing.

00:43:32.240 Yeah, that's the only other thing I was going to say as well.

00:43:33.940 There was, I'm pretty sure in one of those shows I was watching one time, I think it

00:43:37.440 was some sort of a burn.

00:43:38.380 He literally put on a show you think you dance-esque performance for his lady.

00:43:43.220 Like he literally, it was unbelievable.

00:43:46.080 He looked like, he looked like Chris Brown.

00:43:48.400 He was crazy.

00:43:48.880 And then I think he actually f***ed the woman when they come over.

00:43:53.580 So it really had a lot.

00:43:55.120 But he really popped off on the dance.

00:43:56.720 A lot of C. Brown tendencies there.

00:43:59.320 Flamingos dance for their love.

00:44:00.700 Take us through that, Zach.

00:44:02.020 Yeah, this article lists a couple examples.

00:44:04.440 But flamingos dance for their love, I guess, in separate groups.

00:44:07.500 They strut together in search of a mate.

00:44:10.740 Seahorses, I guess, flirt a lot.

00:44:12.280 Horny.

00:44:13.480 Yeah.

00:44:15.140 Wolves.

00:44:16.460 Wolves mate for life.

00:44:18.620 Now that's interesting.

00:44:20.300 Wolves mate for life.

00:44:22.020 Yeah, their packs are generally like nuclear families that comprise an adult male.

00:44:25.840 Oh, damn.

00:44:27.020 Dude, did you possibly see that story out of Vegas about a month or two ago?

00:44:31.360 That some sort of dog, I think it was not, it wasn't a bulldog.

00:44:34.480 I think it was maybe a pit bull.

00:44:36.120 Was adopted by a pack of wolves outside of Vegas and became their leader.

00:44:39.520 Really?

00:44:40.180 Yeah.

00:44:40.880 Damn.

00:44:41.200 Animal control found him and took him back, but he became their leader.

00:44:43.780 He was the leader of the pack.

00:44:45.180 Wow.

00:44:45.700 They didn't kill him and then let him become the leader.

00:44:48.440 Huh.

00:44:49.100 Yeah.

00:44:49.860 White dogs started living with Coyote Pack and Nevada rescued.

00:44:53.440 Apparently he became the leader of the crew.

00:44:55.340 Wow.

00:44:57.420 They've got to make them, see, but they won't make this movie, you know, because it's probably

00:45:01.180 too much violence.

00:45:03.400 I don't know if they can animate it.

00:45:04.360 You know, like they won't make like babe pig in the crypts, you know, that's fair.

00:45:09.260 I would love to see this stuff.

00:45:10.180 Yeah.

00:45:10.320 I made it animated for adults.

00:45:12.500 Maybe make like Charlie Hunnam, the lead voice in an American accent and his Jack's

00:45:16.220 Teller accent.

00:45:17.620 Yeah.

00:45:18.040 Oh, that would be nice.

00:45:19.200 How with Miles Teller in it.

00:45:20.580 Oh, I'm down for Miles Teller as well, dude.

00:45:22.400 We should make a new outsiders with Miles Teller in it.

00:45:25.540 Remember the outsiders that of course was that Tom, Tom Cruise in the outsiders.

00:45:30.160 Or am I thinking of stand by me?

00:45:32.300 I'm mixing them up.

00:45:33.680 No, Tom Cruise wasn't in stand by me.

00:45:35.080 I think he might've been in the outsiders.

00:45:36.320 Was he?

00:45:36.620 As outsiders stay golden pony boy.

00:45:38.200 Yeah.

00:45:38.580 Yes.

00:45:39.560 I think he had like Rob Lowe.

00:45:41.080 Yes.

00:45:41.620 Rob Lowe.

00:45:42.780 Tom Cruise.

00:45:44.620 Wow.

00:45:44.860 Tom Cruise was in there.

00:45:45.700 Matt Dillon.

00:45:46.860 Macchio.

00:45:47.700 Patrick Swayze.

00:45:49.080 That's a goddamn power crew.

00:45:51.040 It's unreal.

00:45:51.740 It's like the 80s Avengers.

00:45:53.120 Yeah.

00:45:53.480 See Thomas Howe.

00:45:54.340 That's unbelievable.

00:45:55.680 Um, what were we talking about?

00:45:58.280 Uh, your lady in high school giving, finding you a good shirt.

00:46:01.080 Yeah.

00:46:01.900 Thank you, man.

00:46:02.580 Wow.

00:46:02.800 You're a good, you're know what you're doing.

00:46:05.440 Um, so yeah, the girl had to pick out the shirt, you know, and I never really had, I didn't

00:46:10.480 have like the girlfriend.

00:46:11.280 I always had kind of like the one where you kind of got set up.

00:46:13.700 I wasn't in the circle of like getting the notes from the girls a lot and stuff.

00:46:18.660 So it was always like you, like I was always a little bit on the outside of like my friend

00:46:22.540 Scott would always get the date and then one of her friends and I would go with one

00:46:27.140 of the friends and, um, yeah.

00:46:29.600 And then you would just hope that Scott made out with some girls so he could tell you about

00:46:33.700 it.

00:46:33.920 Did you do prom though?

00:46:35.840 Um, yep.

00:46:36.340 I went to prom.

00:46:37.040 Oh dude.

00:46:37.700 So how'd you, how'd you go about doing your date?

00:46:39.680 Well, so prom, um, I, there was a girl that came into the office cause I used to go in

00:46:46.580 the office and hang out in there.

00:46:47.820 Right.

00:46:48.640 And flirt with this lady that kind of looked like an animal a little bit, but she worked

00:46:52.520 at our school.

00:46:53.960 So I'd go in there and kind of flirt with her and stuff and just kind of, cause I wanted

00:46:58.820 to be out of class.

00:47:00.320 So I'd go in there and just sit in there and, you know, and, uh, and then they gave me a

00:47:06.540 job and they're working behind the desk.

00:47:08.000 I didn't do anything, but at least I was in there for a reason now.

00:47:10.900 So they could like, so it wasn't like an insurance issue or whatever.

00:47:15.080 So one day this girl came in and she needed something from me.

00:47:20.060 So she like asked, so it was like, I always had the toughest time kind of talking to the

00:47:24.300 girls.

00:47:24.600 So once this girl kind of needed something from me, it was like, suddenly I was like of

00:47:28.900 use, you know?

00:47:29.740 So I started flirting a little bit.

00:47:32.320 And then next thing you know, we, uh, we ended up dating and, um, made love.

00:47:39.620 And, um, I took her to the school day.

00:47:43.020 We went to the school prom, but what happened?

00:47:46.900 She, uh, left to go to an after party early.

00:47:49.940 No.

00:47:50.340 Yes.

00:47:50.900 And I got stuck.

00:47:51.980 So I had to draw, I drove this one, this one, uh, white guy that went to our school.

00:47:57.720 He, uh, wore like one of the, he wore like a, um, a blazer that had those shoulder pads

00:48:03.680 in it.

00:48:04.160 Nice.

00:48:04.600 Like single moms used to have to wear because the husband had left, you know?

00:48:07.500 Sure.

00:48:08.680 And, um, so he wore that.

00:48:11.720 And I remember I was like, dude, I'll give you a ride.

00:48:14.620 And he's like, all right, cool.

00:48:16.360 And so we're driving to the party and he breaks down crying, bro.

00:48:19.660 So now I want to get to this party because you know, in high school, you only kind of

00:48:22.800 get so many chances to make love to your girl.

00:48:24.780 Right.

00:48:25.240 But what was the love made already before this party or this was your, it was made before.

00:48:29.080 Okay.

00:48:29.740 But this was still like prom night.

00:48:31.640 It's still, it's still a Superbowl of the love.

00:48:33.360 It's, it's a Superbowl of high school lovemaking.

00:48:35.080 Yeah.

00:48:35.700 Yeah.

00:48:35.940 That's it.

00:48:36.360 It's the biggest deal from what I see in the movies.

00:48:38.820 Cause I don't have one.

00:48:39.600 Yeah.

00:48:39.900 So you're excited, bro.

00:48:42.180 And he starts telling this dude had the craziest, he kept saying that people thought he looked

00:48:47.360 like somebody, people thought he looked like Damon Wayans.

00:48:50.940 Right.

00:48:51.300 And he was a white guy.

00:48:53.800 And right then I knew he's nobody thought that.

00:48:56.740 Right.

00:48:57.340 And he's just kind of like losing his shit.

00:48:59.380 Bring up a picture of Damon Wayans.

00:49:00.740 If you can, the daddy.

00:49:02.520 And he's like, man, people expect so much out of me, you know?

00:49:08.680 I was like, dude, nobody, you know, I'm just thinking nobody.

00:49:10.940 And he's a white guy.

00:49:11.620 I mean, this guy's black.

00:49:12.420 Damon Wayans is black.

00:49:14.900 So anyway, I knew I'm like, fuck, dude.

00:49:16.680 But the guy's crying.

00:49:17.740 So it's like, it's, it's so hard to get from somebody crying to, okay, deescalate the situation

00:49:23.440 and get over to, you know, before your date gets too drunk where you can't make out.

00:49:27.920 Yeah, so did you, uh, or were you feel comfortable making out also, which is what we're going

00:49:32.220 to say.

00:49:32.720 Did you, so did you wind up not going to party?

00:49:35.080 No, we got there, man.

00:49:36.040 But I had to sit for like a half hour and be in the car with him while he cried.

00:49:38.940 And then, um, it's a mood kill, buzz kill.

00:49:40.940 Oh, it was the worst, dude.

00:49:41.920 Because I kept just one, like it's prom.

00:49:44.100 Going to open the door every, every five minutes.

00:49:46.860 Yeah, that, that's, that's, that's tough.

00:49:48.820 And he's like, man, and people expect so much out of me, man.

00:49:51.140 People expect so much out of me.

00:49:52.520 And I'm like, nobody even knows what you're talking about.

00:49:55.220 Hey, look at us, two guys with bad prom experiences.

00:49:57.140 Yeah.

00:49:57.840 What was yours?

00:49:58.660 You didn't have one at all.

00:49:59.400 It got canceled.

00:50:00.060 No, we had none at all.

00:50:01.160 It's yours got canceled.

00:50:01.840 We literally just had that boat ride.

00:50:03.300 So was it weird going into summer then not have, having made love yet?

00:50:08.000 Um, it was a little odd because that was, uh, it was summer and then we were going to college

00:50:11.840 and college was interesting.

00:50:14.220 Yeah.

00:50:14.680 College now college showing up to college.

00:50:17.260 I think having made love or not made love, that seems like a, I wonder what that feels like

00:50:23.340 to a guy.

00:50:24.060 I mean, I know what it feels like, but I'd made love.

00:50:27.440 Yeah.

00:50:27.880 Yeah.

00:50:28.080 So you kind of had that monkey off your nuts or whatever, you know?

00:50:31.140 Yeah.

00:50:31.260 College was a scary ass time.

00:50:32.520 I really did not like it.

00:50:33.360 I went to UAlbany for like three semesters.

00:50:35.900 UAlbany was an, it was an odd, it's an odd place.

00:50:38.020 There's, I'm on record saying, I think the most satanic people are in upstate New York.

00:50:43.820 Yeah.

00:50:44.140 There, there's just a eerie vibe in upstate New York.

00:50:46.840 It's an eerie, eerie place.

00:50:48.400 Yeah.

00:50:48.720 A lot of neck tattoos, a lot of fucking people getting punched in the back of the head while

00:50:52.720 they're trying to eat a TV dinner, that kind of shit.

00:50:54.580 That's very fair.

00:50:55.360 Yeah.

00:50:55.580 It's, it's, it's a creepy, creepy, odd place.

00:50:57.420 I mean, there was, there was one time where literally I was, um, it was my freshman year,

00:51:03.120 first semester.

00:51:05.060 I was staying on the eighth floor.

00:51:06.300 We were lucky enough.

00:51:06.800 I like won the lottery of being in the nice tower, being in the good tower, the brand new

00:51:10.960 tower, Indian tower it was called, which was awesome.

00:51:13.540 Were you big?

00:51:14.140 Were you physically larger at this point or not?

00:51:16.700 Um, yeah, I would say a little larger than I am now, but, but, um, not, not as big as

00:51:20.640 I had gotten, like I said, but, um, so we were in there, it was eighth floor.

00:51:24.760 I always remember it was great.

00:51:25.640 We had communal bathrooms, not a community bathroom suite.

00:51:28.140 So we only switched area bathroom with like six people.

00:51:30.160 Great times.

00:51:31.200 For some reason though, whenever for that first semester we were drinking like personals of

00:51:36.700 Bacardi every Friday night.

00:51:38.020 I don't know why we were drinking personals of what is that gin?

00:51:41.540 I think gin kind of homeless, sexy kind of.

00:51:43.460 Yeah.

00:51:43.740 I was drinking like Bacardi apple personals.

00:51:45.300 No idea why, but either way it was Friday, it was Friday night one night and I'm a noted

00:51:48.760 pussy like about many things like definitely supernatural stuff.

00:51:53.100 Like about what?

00:51:53.600 Drinking and shit like that?

00:51:54.780 No, no, no.

00:51:55.520 Actually, you know, fun fact, I was the last of my friends to start drinking.

00:51:58.740 I started drinking in the junior year at this.

00:52:01.000 Wow.

00:52:01.140 Okay.

00:52:01.360 Yeah.

00:52:01.760 Yeah.

00:52:01.920 This weird thing called the Coliseum, but that's another thing.

00:52:04.200 In college or in high school?

00:52:05.580 High school.

00:52:06.280 Okay.

00:52:06.420 I used to walk around and tell my friends I'm going to be the DD.

00:52:08.260 I can't wait until I get my license.

00:52:09.560 I'll drive everybody around.

00:52:10.780 Oh yeah.

00:52:11.100 You probably wanted to be a cab driver.

00:52:12.460 I mean, a lot of that's just being Italian.

00:52:13.860 Yeah.

00:52:14.000 That went out of the door though, once I got that nice taste, but after that, so.

00:52:18.900 Okay.

00:52:19.260 So you're in college.

00:52:20.520 They got you Rapunzel'd up.

00:52:22.480 They got you Sugar Ray punzel'd up in the top of the tower.

00:52:25.980 You're living large.

00:52:26.760 You got your own pisser up there.

00:52:28.400 You're doing good.

00:52:29.020 Dude, he was the best man.

00:52:29.860 So it's Friday night.

00:52:30.660 We all have our personals and then we elect me to be the guy that night to go downstairs

00:52:35.240 to the basement to get the sodas, to chase everything.

00:52:37.880 So I go down to the basement, get the sodas, go back up to the A4, but we're stopped at

00:52:41.620 the first floor.

00:52:42.300 Yeah.

00:52:42.500 I step into the elevator and I, I will remember this clear as day, step into the elevator,

00:52:48.140 go to the back right corner of it, in walks in this kid that I've seen on campus that

00:52:52.080 I know he was.

00:52:52.620 And this girl that I saw on campus that I definitely always found, she just looked a

00:52:56.180 little creepy, looked a little off.

00:52:57.640 Oh yeah.

00:52:58.920 And I'm looking about, and she-

00:53:00.040 Like kind of wizardy looking?

00:53:01.520 Yes.

00:53:01.980 Almost like a, like a Harry Potter student.

00:53:03.540 Yeah.

00:53:03.940 And she, so I'm in the back left corner.

00:53:05.940 This kid stands directly in front of me in the other corner.

00:53:07.920 She immediately walks in and sits down in the right corner to me.

00:53:10.940 And I see her sitting down.

00:53:11.920 And I tell myself, why the, why is this girl sitting down in the corner?

00:53:16.040 Elevator door closes.

00:53:16.860 As soon as the door closed, she starts like freaking out almost like shaking and screaming

00:53:22.460 at the top of her lungs.

00:53:23.440 And I'm trying not to look.

00:53:24.520 I look over to her and she is covered in like satanic writing.

00:53:29.600 There was like a six, six, six on her forehead, like a pentagram all over her arm.

00:53:33.900 And I, like I said, I'm a massive, massive pussy.

00:53:37.380 I immediately, I had, it was one of the, probably the most scared I've been in my life.

00:53:42.280 Cause I don't, I don't fuck with the satanic stuff in the slightest.

00:53:44.660 Yeah.

00:53:44.780 Well, who likes Satan?

00:53:45.620 No.

00:53:46.140 Who likes Satan?

00:53:46.680 There's people.

00:53:46.860 But, and I'm sitting there having, I was white as a ghost.

00:53:50.820 And then thank God, these girls who don't know got off at four, six, they were getting

00:53:54.080 on.

00:53:54.340 So I jumped off at four, six.

00:53:55.840 Those girls immediately said, this man is the most unattractive man I've ever seen in

00:53:58.560 my life.

00:53:59.180 Jumping out of that, seeing me just white as a fucking ghost.

00:54:01.560 But you know what?

00:54:02.080 I went back up and my roommate still says to this day that he's never seen a human being

00:54:06.140 truly white as a ghost.

00:54:07.760 It was, I was so terrified.

00:54:09.680 I didn't know if there was some sort of like satanic cult going on in the school or if it

00:54:14.320 was a joke.

00:54:14.980 I truly don't know to this day.

00:54:16.300 So if you happen to be watching this, whatever your name was, I would, I would love to know.

00:54:20.220 I don't know.

00:54:21.240 To this day, it was, it was terrifyingly scary.

00:54:25.340 This episode is brought to you by BetterHelp.

00:54:29.140 We're grateful for them.

00:54:30.420 Um, and I'm grateful over the years to, uh, I feel like beginning to know myself, you

00:54:37.240 know, it's interesting as you kind of evolve, you get to know yourself.

00:54:42.060 So I'm like, Oh, you know, once you get used to everything else in the world, you're just

00:54:46.380 like, Oh, dang, I'm going to learn about me.

00:54:50.140 And if you have trouble getting to know yourself, um, BetterHelp is there.

00:54:56.840 They'll help you.

00:54:57.620 Their therapy is about deepening your self-awareness and understanding, uh, BetterHelp connects you

00:55:03.540 with a licensed therapist who can take you on that journey of self-discovery from wherever

00:55:08.620 you are.

00:55:09.540 If you're thinking of starting therapy, give BetterHelp a try.

00:55:13.460 It's entirely online designed to be convenient, flexible, and suited to your schedule.

00:55:19.300 Just fill out a brief questionnaire, get matched with a licensed therapist, and you can switch

00:55:23.940 therapists at any time for no additional charge.

00:55:28.140 Discover your potential with BetterHelp.

00:55:29.960 Visit BetterHelp.com slash Theo today to get 10% off your first month.

00:55:36.620 That's BetterHelp.com slash Theo.

00:55:41.920 You know, I'm a big fan of, uh, Raisin Cane's, baby.

00:55:44.760 You know it.

00:55:45.920 My God, boy.

00:55:47.640 And if I see, if I see Raisin Cane's, I want it.

00:55:52.800 You know me, I'll tell you, dude, I will, I'll crawl under something to get a dang, a Raisin

00:55:58.640 Cane.

00:55:59.600 I want it.

00:56:01.280 I want them chicken fingers, Daddy.

00:56:03.480 God.

00:56:05.360 Mmm.

00:56:06.040 I want, God, put them fingers in me.

00:56:08.560 That's how I just want it.

00:56:10.120 They got the crinkle cut fries, the Texas toast.

00:56:12.560 Oh, God.

00:56:13.240 Look at it.

00:56:14.280 I love Raisin Cane's.

00:56:17.060 That's who I am.

00:56:18.760 And, uh, and you can too, you know, and if you want it and you desire it like I do, I

00:56:23.120 like the Caniac combo, then, uh, then you can go onto their website.

00:56:28.560 You can order online right now, RaisingCanes.com.

00:56:32.680 And they also have that mobile app.

00:56:35.400 That's right.

00:56:36.100 They're mobile.

00:56:37.620 Satisfy your Cane's fix fast by ordering through their app or online at RaisingCanes.com

00:56:43.920 or stop by your local restaurant.

00:56:45.980 Mmm, gosh.

00:56:47.400 So you said this would be the summer of you.

00:56:50.040 But then you remembered you have kids and now you spend every sunny day at water parks

00:56:54.640 and petting zoos.

00:56:55.940 So be it.

00:56:57.100 We do the prep so you can get your you time back with freshly prepared, ready for you

00:57:01.480 dishes from Sobeys.

00:57:02.660 Yeah, you know, they had a lot that, you know, until Harry Potter came out that the wizarding

00:57:10.200 group of people were like a lot of the like Satanist kids, that Satanist vibe.

00:57:17.040 Yeah.

00:57:17.380 They morphed.

00:57:18.260 Some of them, I think when Harry Potter came out, they got there like, okay, this is a way

00:57:22.280 for me to get out of this.

00:57:23.240 This is our new thing.

00:57:24.300 Right.

00:57:24.500 Well, this is a chance.

00:57:25.340 If I'm not going full Satan and I'm just Hufflepuffing around, this is a chance for me

00:57:29.360 to just to, you know, this is a way out, which is not a lot of agreed.

00:57:34.240 A lot of those people got onto that.

00:57:36.340 Now, some people stayed Satan.

00:57:38.260 Yeah.

00:57:38.500 If you stayed on the seat, you're going straight to hell.

00:57:40.980 Yeah.

00:57:41.380 I mean, or yeah.

00:57:42.080 Or you're like a, yeah.

00:57:42.920 If you're like a Colts fan or whatever, I don't know.

00:57:45.500 But some people just stayed going out there.

00:57:48.300 But some people got off on the Harry Potter when that when Hogwarts rolled up, they're like,

00:57:52.200 I'm fucking thank God.

00:57:54.600 Yeah.

00:57:55.060 There were some guys that are Voldemort guys.

00:57:56.800 They stayed Voldemort guys.

00:57:57.840 They kept, yeah, they kept doing that.

00:58:00.000 You know, it's a little fun fact, though.

00:58:01.100 Apparently, Satanists aren't actually, they don't believe in Satan.

00:58:03.800 They just believe in nothing, which is odd.

00:58:07.120 But they also, but they also, I think they worship like the idol of like Baphomet, which

00:58:11.140 is that dude with the goat head.

00:58:13.140 Yeah.

00:58:13.400 Or Beelzebub.

00:58:14.140 Let's bring up Beelzebub, please.

00:58:16.120 Oh, yeah.

00:58:18.660 You know what?

00:58:19.260 I'm curious about the different Satans.

00:58:21.320 Yeah.

00:58:21.660 There's Beelzebub.

00:58:22.880 I think he was like, I think Beelzebub is actually like the biblical Satan, I believe.

00:58:27.840 Yeah.

00:58:29.220 That guy's creepy as hell.

00:58:30.580 I think of this, I think of like, I think of like the villain in Tenacious D.

00:58:34.920 I wonder what that guy would do, huh?

00:58:36.960 That dude?

00:58:37.780 Mm-hmm.

00:58:38.160 Looking like a corned up cougar with his little Antichrist baby.

00:58:42.400 That's tough stuff.

00:58:43.340 The scariest part is that he has that baby because part of you is going to want to help

00:58:46.180 the baby.

00:58:46.660 Antichrist.

00:58:46.720 But part of you knows that that baby is probably already compromised.

00:58:50.560 And that is also the Antichrist.

00:58:51.800 That is the continuation of Satan, I guess, theoretically.

00:58:55.360 Like Rosemary's Baby.

00:58:56.200 You ever see that movie?

00:58:57.100 Mm-hmm.

00:58:57.320 That's Rosemary's Baby right there, baby.

00:58:58.980 Mm-hmm.

00:58:59.980 I mean, and that'll make you be pro-choice.

00:59:03.560 Yes.

00:59:06.000 Roman Polanski.

00:59:06.960 Let's look at different Satans.

00:59:10.060 Can you look that up, please?

00:59:11.800 I just want to see some of the different ones.

00:59:13.000 I've never thought about this.

00:59:13.960 The different types of Satan they have.

00:59:16.140 Now, there's that.

00:59:17.140 Yeah.

00:59:17.540 That's the Tenacious D-Satan.

00:59:18.880 That's your Tenacious D-Satan.

00:59:20.620 That's your pop culture Satan.

00:59:22.060 Yeah, that's your very run-of-the-mill kind of...

00:59:24.900 Everyday Satan.

00:59:26.020 Yeah.

00:59:27.160 That's your everyday Satan.

00:59:28.380 That's your like, yeah, three in the afternoon, we need a Satan.

00:59:30.560 Ooh, that look at Lucifer there.

00:59:31.880 That's just a normal dude naked with some wings.

00:59:34.600 Top left.

00:59:35.400 Oh, wow.

00:59:36.060 Look at that.

00:59:36.620 Yeah.

00:59:36.760 So that guy could really be anybody.

00:59:38.020 So that guy, I feel like that was Satan in his human form before he went downstairs.

00:59:43.280 Yeah.

00:59:44.100 That guy's got a top hat, though.

00:59:45.260 I enjoy that one.

00:59:45.980 Oh, that's good.

00:59:47.540 Like, he's a businessman.

00:59:48.780 Like, look here.

00:59:50.040 Monopoly went wrong.

00:59:51.300 Yeah, like, I'm gonna manage Elvis.

00:59:55.260 Wow, you see a lot of that goat with wings, with horns.

00:59:59.320 It's the goat head.

01:00:00.060 That's the one that'll get you.

01:00:00.860 The pentagram.

01:00:02.840 When was the first Satan?

01:00:05.440 I think it just said that Lucifer's, what, 350 B.C.?

01:00:08.800 If you click on the man, the naked man, 350 years with John Milton's Paradise Lost.

01:00:13.920 Oh, okay.

01:00:14.280 Let's look that up, Zach, if you don't mind.

01:00:17.260 When was the first Satan?

01:00:19.780 What is that in the Bible?

01:00:21.560 This is bad for me.

01:00:22.360 I went to fucking Catholic high school, like I said.

01:00:26.060 No, look, man, this is...

01:00:27.220 Oh, look at that guy.

01:00:27.960 Okay, Satan, also known as the devil, and sometimes also called Lucifer in Christianity,

01:00:36.140 is an entity in the Abrahamic religions that seduces humans into sin or falsehood.

01:00:42.480 Hmm.

01:00:44.460 In Judaism, Satan is seen as an agent, figures.

01:00:48.500 That's the most, you know, you gotta have an agent.

01:00:51.260 Subservient to God.

01:00:53.460 Typically regarded as a metaphor for the yetzer hara, or evil inclination, so the evil inclination of God.

01:01:00.800 What does that say, Zach?

01:01:03.960 A figure known as Satan first appears in the Hebrew Bible as a heavenly prosecutor, as we were talking about.

01:01:09.720 So he was good and then went bad, but it's first appeared in the Hebrew Bible.

01:01:13.280 So that kind of means he was like the Judge Judy kind of the Hebrew Bible.

01:01:17.800 Right.

01:01:18.100 And then he went wrong.

01:01:19.480 He wanted all the power for himself, I guess.

01:01:21.700 That's normal.

01:01:22.740 Yeah, it happens.

01:01:25.580 All right, so you're in college.

01:01:27.260 You got...

01:01:27.860 Things are going pretty cool.

01:01:29.500 You're enjoying it.

01:01:30.840 I didn't love it.

01:01:31.740 I really did not.

01:01:32.420 I just...

01:01:32.860 I love my friends from home just a lot, and I just kind of just miss them.

01:01:36.060 You did?

01:01:36.560 Yeah, a lot.

01:01:37.320 A lot, a lot, a lot.

01:01:38.120 Then I transferred home.

01:01:39.420 Oh, dang.

01:01:39.840 I went to...

01:01:40.620 I went to school at Baruch with this, like, business college, Manhattan, on 23rd and Lexington.

01:01:46.520 And then I got hired at my job beginning of the second semester of that.

01:01:52.160 At Barstool?

01:01:52.780 Yes, sir.

01:01:53.320 And then I did two more.

01:01:54.920 Finished that semester, did one more, and then I dropped out.

01:01:56.840 Oh, you dropped out of college.

01:01:57.820 I am a college dropout.

01:01:59.120 Yeah.

01:01:59.780 Good times.

01:02:00.760 Hmm.

01:02:01.600 Whatever.

01:02:02.520 Yeah.

01:02:03.040 It was like six years ago now, so...

01:02:04.780 Yeah, I mean, I think a lot of times college is just if you don't even know what to do,

01:02:07.900 people will go into college.

01:02:09.020 Yeah, it was scary because, like, my mom obviously didn't want me to drop out, but then I kept telling

01:02:12.680 her the point of college is to get your dream job, and I had my dream job, so why?

01:02:16.380 Or should I not just drop out for it?

01:02:19.540 And I would venture to guess the experience I've had, and the six years since is well

01:02:23.680 worth more than a college degree in nothing.

01:02:26.020 I had no major.

01:02:27.240 I was...

01:02:28.240 It might shock you.

01:02:28.840 I was horrible at math, so when I transferred, I even...

01:02:30.960 When I transferred, I had to do a whole...

01:02:33.380 What do they call it?

01:02:34.880 Intermediate or remedial math class for a whole semester.

01:02:37.900 I didn't even get credit for the class.

01:02:39.280 And then to even get a major, I had to do, like, two more math courses.

01:02:42.720 Hmm, math.

01:02:43.160 Yeah, so math really got me.

01:02:45.720 Yeah.

01:02:46.160 And when I...

01:02:46.700 Yeah, when I dropped out, I didn't even have a major, and I was a junior.

01:02:51.760 Yeah.

01:02:52.360 Oh, math will trip up any real s**t, you know what I'm saying, bro?

01:02:55.420 Sorry, sorry.

01:02:57.840 But yeah, math...

01:02:59.160 Math will get you, boy.

01:03:02.360 Yeah, but that was...

01:03:03.820 I was such a relief that today I got hired, too, because it was just so, like...

01:03:08.120 Yeah, well, that was a huge...

01:03:09.120 I mean, Barstool was a huge corporation then.

01:03:10.900 I mean, how long have you been working there?

01:03:11.740 Six years?

01:03:12.020 Dude, I've been...

01:03:13.020 This September is going to be seven.

01:03:15.040 Wow.

01:03:15.340 But I mean, I got hired...

01:03:16.400 Caleb hired me, which is fun to talk about now.

01:03:19.020 Like, quite literally, the day I got hired at work, my mom...

01:03:23.340 I was doing Tuesday, Thursday, Monday, Wednesday class, and then Friday, there was, like,

01:03:27.460 a 20-minute recap of the Monday, Wednesday class.

01:03:30.960 So for the first few weeks of that, my mom was...

01:03:32.840 At Baruch?

01:03:33.480 Yep.

01:03:33.860 My mom was driving me into the...

01:03:35.000 Is it a Jewish school, or is this the name of it?

01:03:36.780 Bernard Baruch is, like, a famous business guy.

01:03:38.920 He may have been in the tribe.

01:03:40.320 I'm sure he...

01:03:40.800 I think he was, actually.

01:03:41.840 Is your family Jewish or no?

01:03:43.120 No, Italian.

01:03:43.860 Okay.

01:03:44.260 Italian and Greek.

01:03:45.220 Do they have Italian-Jewish people?

01:03:46.500 Yeah.

01:03:47.380 I would...

01:03:47.920 I feel like Italians and Jews cross-mingle a lot, so there's definitely some.

01:03:52.520 Yeah.

01:03:53.020 But, um...

01:03:54.180 So my mom literally drove me to the city that day, because we were doing a nice, very wholesome...

01:03:59.100 She would drop me off every Friday.

01:04:00.920 I would go on my 20-minute recap, and then I would go to a nice lunch in the city.

01:04:03.260 You and your mother.

01:04:03.740 Yeah, it was nice.

01:04:04.460 Yeah.

01:04:05.000 Beautiful.

01:04:05.180 So she saw how nervous I was.

01:04:06.960 I got the internship interview at 12.30 that day.

01:04:11.320 The class was from...

01:04:12.360 Ended at, let's say, 11.45.

01:04:14.140 So she drove me over there, and I was freaking out, too, because at the time, I was actually

01:04:18.580 emailing with what I thought was Erica Nardini, our CEO.

01:04:21.720 It was really just her office manager, but they made it seem like it was a...

01:04:24.660 It was whose office manager?

01:04:25.760 Our office manager.

01:04:26.640 His name was Brett.

01:04:27.220 He used to work with us.

01:04:28.460 At Barstool?

01:04:29.040 Yes, sir.

01:04:29.520 So you thought you were just emailing with the office manager from Barstool?

01:04:32.120 I thought I was emailing with Erica as the CEO, but it was really Brett behind that.

01:04:36.160 So I think I'm emailing Erica.

01:04:38.020 I think it's like a business interview type of thing.

01:04:40.380 As I'm going over there, I look at the Barstool Snapchat, and I see Caleb interviewing people.

01:04:43.900 So I'm saying, oh, fuck.

01:04:45.140 This is kind of like a content thing, and I'm shitting bricks because...

01:04:48.280 Now you're going to be on camera.

01:04:49.240 Now I'm going to be on camera.

01:04:50.120 I was a fan of Caleb, a fan of everybody.

01:04:51.620 I was a big Barstool fan.

01:04:52.620 And you're nervous.

01:04:53.820 Your mother knows you're nervous.

01:04:54.960 Terrifyingly nervous.

01:04:55.760 And also, one thing that's value...

01:04:57.000 Now, this is a value of having children that I think are thicker, is that you can see when

01:05:01.780 they're nervous easier.

01:05:03.360 That's fair.

01:05:03.900 I get rosy cheeks.

01:05:05.160 I get big-time rosy cheeks.

01:05:06.400 I've been told that a lot.

01:05:07.320 And I think that there's something about that.

01:05:08.840 As a mother, it must be...

01:05:10.940 Because you have all these other mothers.

01:05:12.280 The kid's on pills for nine months, dude.

01:05:14.380 They have no idea, but he weighs 121 pounds.

01:05:17.080 Yes, sir.

01:05:17.760 So she knew I was worried, and then I know it's a content interview then.

01:05:22.680 I did not realize.

01:05:23.500 Did you ever go to our old office by any chance?

01:05:25.160 I did one time.

01:05:25.980 So do you remember how you get off the elevator, and everyone's sitting right there?

01:05:30.200 Yeah, it's kind of alarming.

01:05:31.540 So it's quite terrifying.

01:05:32.580 So I'm a Barstool fan.

01:05:33.620 No idea what I'm walking into.

01:05:34.680 I get off the elevator.

01:05:36.360 Everybody's sitting right there.

01:05:37.660 Extremely scary.

01:05:38.540 I go walk by the bar.

01:05:39.760 They say, stand there for a second.

01:05:41.180 Go talk to Caleb.

01:05:42.580 I'm shitting bricks.

01:05:43.560 I'm a Caleb Presley fan at the time.

01:05:45.900 Still am.

01:05:46.260 And he just sits me down and asks me, are you fast?

01:05:50.440 And I said, you know what?

01:05:51.320 For my size, I am pretty fast.

01:05:52.780 When I play softball, I get down the line pretty quick.

01:05:55.480 People will be shocked.

01:05:56.240 I beat an out-of-ground ball or two in my day.

01:05:58.120 He says, prove it.

01:05:59.300 Let's go downstairs to the street, to the 28th.

01:06:01.640 And when my mom dropped me off, I said, Claudia, drive away.

01:06:05.140 Don't stay here.

01:06:05.760 I don't know what's going to happen.

01:06:06.700 Just don't stay here.

01:06:06.920 That's your mother's name, Claudia?

01:06:07.780 Yeah.

01:06:08.240 You call her by Claudia?

01:06:09.480 I call her Claudia sometimes.

01:06:10.660 It's a beautiful name.

01:06:11.400 Yeah, I like Claudia.

01:06:12.360 My mom's name, so I like it.

01:06:13.480 So I call her Claude sometimes.

01:06:14.580 She's Claude on my phone.

01:06:16.000 But so we go outside.

01:06:17.960 She didn't move.

01:06:18.860 So I'm fucking freaking out.

01:06:20.420 My mom is literally right there.

01:06:21.780 And I'm out there with the camera and Caleb.

01:06:23.720 No, your mother's right there?

01:06:25.060 She's right there.

01:06:25.880 If you watch the video, her car is just-

01:06:29.200 Pretending she's not there?

01:06:30.100 Probably sitting in the car smoking a cigarette.

01:06:31.860 But she was there.

01:06:32.980 That checks out.

01:06:33.880 And I think she-

01:06:34.580 That's awesome.

01:06:35.460 It was great.

01:06:36.120 Yeah.

01:06:36.340 I was just terrified if she was going to get out of the car and say something or anything.

01:06:39.580 Yeah.

01:06:39.980 We walked to the corner, run down the street.

01:06:41.500 Caleb says, you know what, you are fast.

01:06:42.760 You're hired.

01:06:43.400 We go up and talk to Dave.

01:06:45.480 As I'm walking out, Gaz, our head of social says, what's your-

01:06:49.980 Do you have any nicknames?

01:06:51.100 And I recently had watched Entourage and Goodfellas.

01:06:55.500 And Goodfellas was a character named Sally Balls.

01:06:58.240 Entourage was a character named Wally Balls.

01:06:59.760 I think just in my head, I thought Glenny Balls would be a name.

01:07:02.140 But me and my friends really jokingly named me that.

01:07:05.440 Like, I would call myself that jokingly when we were talking about gambling or something.

01:07:09.060 Glenny Balls, huh?

01:07:09.820 Yeah, like when I'm talking about horse racing or anything.

01:07:11.940 Yeah.

01:07:13.840 Sammy Spheres, Ronnie Rounds.

01:07:16.060 Yes, sir.

01:07:16.480 You know what I'm talking about?

01:07:17.680 So I said, oh, my friends call me Glenny Balls.

01:07:19.700 And then I think the name is a bit.

01:07:21.380 It's a catchy name.

01:07:22.420 It's a good name.

01:07:22.680 I think it's a good name.

01:07:23.480 And then, yeah, then pretty crazy.

01:07:25.800 Me and Caleb started hanging out.

01:07:27.140 And what about mom at that moment?

01:07:28.420 Did you hug?

01:07:28.760 Because the craziest thing that moms do is not leave and then pretend they left.

01:07:34.760 Dude, you know what happened, actually.

01:07:36.360 So it was right when Barstool first moved to New York.

01:07:39.700 So everybody living across the country finally moved together.

01:07:43.240 Every Friday, they were doing Aloha Fridays.

01:07:46.020 So everyone would dress in Hawaiian shirts and make margaritas and shit.

01:07:49.400 But I had just turned 20.

01:07:51.640 That's nice, like Christmas almost.

01:07:52.980 Yes, sir.

01:07:53.380 I had just turned 20.

01:07:54.540 And they immediately say, you're the intern.

01:07:56.060 Go get us alcohol.

01:07:57.060 And I, of course, had fake IDs.

01:07:58.820 Oh, yeah.

01:07:59.440 But I didn't want to use a fake ID and maybe get in trouble.

01:08:01.700 You just started.

01:08:02.460 As a Long Island person, using fake IDs in the city was always a bit of a scary thing.

01:08:06.300 So I called my mom.

01:08:07.200 Like, hey, how far away are you?

01:08:08.480 Are you on the bridge yet?

01:08:09.820 She comes back, bought me all the alcohol.

01:08:13.580 And then bought underage children alcohol.

01:08:15.180 No, my coworkers now were of age.

01:08:17.140 Oh.

01:08:17.500 Because I was just scared to buy it for, I was scared to get, like, in trouble using a fake ID.

01:08:22.100 So my mom came back, drove back to the office, went to the liquor store down the street, bought us the alcohol.

01:08:27.380 And then I just gave it to everybody else.

01:08:29.400 I was scared to not deliver.

01:08:32.640 Yeah.

01:08:33.460 And then I got Caleb Chipotle.

01:08:34.800 That was my first day at work.

01:08:35.880 Went to a Met game that night.

01:08:37.520 Caleb's an interesting guy.

01:08:38.700 He's the most interesting man that I've come across.

01:08:41.480 He's very, you know, I think there's other levels.

01:08:43.880 So there's layers to him that more will be revealed, I think.

01:08:47.220 Yes.

01:08:47.720 I think there's things about him that a lot of us don't know.

01:08:53.780 And I think we're going to be learning.

01:08:56.640 I hope so.

01:08:57.460 I mean, I'm clearly a massive fan, as are you.

01:08:59.760 Yeah.

01:09:00.420 Great guy.

01:09:01.160 But yeah, you just wonder, is there sometimes, is there a little ulterior motive somewhere in that man, you know?

01:09:05.760 He likes to rabble rouse, you know?

01:09:09.040 He likes the fucking smoke, boy.

01:09:11.340 Yeah, he does.

01:09:12.060 I mean, he's a fun guy.

01:09:13.600 I love him.

01:09:14.220 I love being with him.

01:09:14.980 I love hanging out with him.

01:09:15.980 I'm still kind of scared of him, but I love him.

01:09:19.520 Yeah.

01:09:20.240 He's an alarming guy.

01:09:22.800 Great guy.

01:09:24.160 Very interesting.

01:09:25.080 Yeah, I went.

01:09:28.640 He came to a show in Florida not long ago.

01:09:30.400 I had a show in Florida, and he came out.

01:09:33.740 Him.

01:09:36.400 And he was pretty lit.

01:09:39.080 And we went to the casino, and he's gambling.

01:09:41.400 I gambled with him in Lake Tahoe last year at that golf tournament out there.

01:09:45.520 Yeah.

01:09:45.960 He's a, when Caleb, it's not, me and him are in different stages of life.

01:09:49.640 He's, he's, I think he just turned 30.

01:09:52.140 He doesn't drink as much, hang out as much.

01:09:54.180 But, like, I like to, I like to go out whenever we're traveling.

01:09:56.940 It's just, I'm like, I'm traveling.

01:09:58.160 I don't know if I'm in a Tuesday in LA.

01:09:59.660 Why not go out?

01:10:00.440 Why not?

01:10:00.640 You go out.

01:10:01.100 Yeah.

01:10:01.760 I get messages all the time.

01:10:03.420 You and I are not, and we're not super close.

01:10:04.860 You know, we've kind of gotten to know each other a little bit.

01:10:05.680 Yeah, we've met each other a few times, but.

01:10:06.760 Yeah.

01:10:06.980 And I'm glad we're getting to spend time today, and, but I'll get messages like,

01:10:11.400 Glenny Balls is in town.

01:10:13.000 Yeah, I like to go out.

01:10:14.040 I like, I like to, I like to enjoy, I like to enjoy the cities that I travel,

01:10:17.440 that I'm lucky enough to travel to for work.

01:10:19.020 So, but I would say maybe once every few trips, I'll get Caleb out with me.

01:10:23.060 And when, as you know, when he's out and having fun, he's just the most fun,

01:10:26.780 funniest person to enjoy.

01:10:28.800 And that whole time we were in Lake Tahoe, he just, he was just having a great time.

01:10:31.940 And he was, he's just so much, I love him.

01:10:33.680 He's just so much fun.

01:10:34.640 Yeah.

01:10:34.840 He's a creator, man.

01:10:36.020 I was kind of joking.

01:10:36.800 And he's a creator.

01:10:38.300 He like, well, I mean, he got all, he got, he was pretty fire.

01:10:41.460 He was pretty lit, right?

01:10:42.600 So he's pretty lit.

01:10:43.540 And he starts bragging to everybody that he went to Wells Fargo earlier, right?

01:10:48.380 He starts saying it like it's a, like he went to like some fancy place,

01:10:52.440 like C's Candy or something, you know?

01:10:54.120 He's like.

01:10:54.740 Yeah, he gets, he makes a new bit every time he gets drunk, pretty much.

01:10:57.040 Yeah, he's like, I was at Wells Fargo this afternoon.

01:10:59.880 He keeps, you know, he's like, oh, I got some size 10s from Wells Fargo.

01:11:04.600 I'm picturing him saying it exactly.

01:11:06.220 So he got, I guess, $2,000 out of his bank account.

01:11:09.480 At this point, he's up $20,000, right?

01:11:12.940 Yeah.

01:11:13.600 I haven't bet a bit.

01:11:15.920 Dustin Poirier's there.

01:11:17.840 Mitchell Trubisky.

01:11:19.260 Cole Holcomb.

01:11:20.120 Some of his, Caleb's close friends.

01:11:22.000 Yeah.

01:11:22.160 Some of my close friends sitting there doing a little bit of gambling and Caleb's like,

01:11:29.500 he just wants to bet it all.

01:11:31.000 He wants to lose it all.

01:11:32.500 He's trying to buy a car for the lady that's working there.

01:11:35.580 He wants, he wants them to send a fucking Kia dealer to the table.

01:11:40.720 Like you're at a certain point.

01:11:42.940 You're just like, what is going on?

01:11:44.280 It just, it's unbelievable.

01:11:45.580 And if you tell him to cash out, he will not.

01:11:47.480 No, he's the best.

01:11:48.500 He's the best.

01:11:48.900 I mean, we were, I like Tao too.

01:11:50.500 We were there like that, that tournament in the high roller room for, I think four nights

01:11:54.140 in a row.

01:11:54.440 Cause that's where everybody was hanging out.

01:11:55.860 And there was one night we lost him.

01:11:57.640 I lost him until 3am.

01:11:58.540 I couldn't find him.

01:11:59.220 I hadn't known where his phone was.

01:12:00.400 I finally found him eating chili with Kevin from the office at the bar, like two blocks

01:12:05.120 away.

01:12:05.860 I really was looking for him for two hours and I found him with Kevin from the office eating

01:12:09.600 chili, which is like, once again, it's like playing basketball with Michael Jordan eating

01:12:13.080 chili with Kevin from the office.

01:12:14.540 But yeah, he's just, he's, he's a raucous time when you go and you get him going.

01:12:18.340 Yeah.

01:12:18.700 You never, he, he is like an ingredient where it's like, okay, they're like, you can put this

01:12:23.040 ingredient in the recipe.

01:12:24.020 And like, what are you like?

01:12:24.860 What is the ingredient?

01:12:25.560 And they're like, we don't know what the ingredient is.

01:12:27.900 And I know whenever I get it, I'm so excited to savor it.

01:12:31.300 Yeah.

01:12:31.640 Like even when I, the few times I've been in the same city as him was like, he just, I

01:12:35.140 was living in Nashville and he, and I go to Nashville a lot.

01:12:37.480 So I would like, whenever I go, I'd feel weird not texting him.

01:12:39.900 I'll throw him a text.

01:12:41.220 Usually it just doesn't answer it, which is fine.

01:12:42.940 Yeah.

01:12:43.180 That's who he is.

01:12:43.880 But, um, like this weekend too, he's back in Florida.

01:12:46.720 I'm going to Delray this weekend.

01:12:48.060 I told him before when we were getting to the shoot last night, I was like, Hey, I'll be in

01:12:50.440 Delray this weekend.

01:12:50.980 If you want to grab lunch or anything, probably won't see him, but it's all right.

01:12:54.020 I don't mind.

01:12:54.720 I'm with my friends anyway.

01:12:55.900 Right.

01:12:56.120 You touch base.

01:12:58.080 Yeah.

01:12:58.240 I just want to make sure, Hey, if you want to hang out, I'll hang out.

01:13:00.560 But like, I'm not confident we'll get him out for a night this weekend.

01:13:03.000 But if we did, I would be thrilled.

01:13:04.560 He's just one of those, he's one of those guys.

01:13:06.320 You see him at a party.

01:13:07.080 You just grab, you grab a take to him.

01:13:08.780 Yeah.

01:13:09.080 There's something that's a wonderful about, there is something that's very wonderful about

01:13:12.560 him.

01:13:13.220 Um, and people like him, of course.

01:13:16.480 And so many people like him that it also makes you be like, Oh, there is something definitely,

01:13:21.040 uh, I don't know if that it's not that.

01:13:24.280 You do it.

01:13:24.700 Cause everybody else, but everybody likes him, you know, some people just have that

01:13:28.480 quality.

01:13:28.960 Yeah.

01:13:29.280 That everybody just likes.

01:13:30.480 Yeah.

01:13:30.860 He's just radiant.

01:13:31.860 Yeah.

01:13:32.180 He got to great quality, man.

01:13:33.580 He got to great quality.

01:13:34.440 I think one of my favorite, okay, actually this is a kind of a stupid, that's not even

01:13:37.500 funny, but it's one of my favorite things that we've done is he kind of has like a Sunday

01:13:40.900 conversation uniform, the white shirt, bow tie, hair down that same day we were on that

01:13:46.540 Southwest flight.

01:13:47.160 We just finished a shoot with Amelia de Moldenborg.

01:13:49.320 And then we just went to the bar and drank all day and then flew to Reno to go to Tahoe.

01:13:53.020 And just seeing the few Sunday conversation fans at the airport on the plane, seeing

01:13:57.540 him in his Sunday, he didn't take it off.

01:13:59.860 He didn't change.

01:14:00.680 It was like seeing Clark Kent dressed as Superman.

01:14:03.160 Like just seeing Caleb kind of drug roaming down the aisle in his Sunday conversation

01:14:06.520 full outfit was so funny to see the people's reactions.

01:14:11.480 He's there just some days he just didn't give a fuck.

01:14:12.960 And that was just one of the days.

01:14:13.700 It was great.

01:14:14.400 It is kind of weird, like being like a talking head in a way, like, which all of us kind

01:14:19.080 of are.

01:14:19.520 A lot of us kind of are on social media because that's kind of what you see.

01:14:23.200 And then people see you in real life and people always comment on, I thought you were

01:14:27.640 smaller.

01:14:28.060 I thought you were taller.

01:14:28.920 I thought you, you know, we're in a wheelchair like people always have like

01:14:32.740 different, you know, they, they never get to, it's the first time I've ever seen

01:14:37.280 you, you know, or they're like, what are you doing?

01:14:39.060 Are you interviewing someone here?

01:14:40.080 And you're like, I'm at an aunt ands.

01:14:42.080 Yes.

01:14:42.740 I'm having a, I'm not, you know, there's nobody, you know, I'm just relaxed.

01:14:46.140 My, my main ones I just get is what always wears Caleb.

01:14:48.480 Yeah.

01:14:48.700 I got a lot of wears Caleb.

01:14:49.740 Yeah.

01:14:50.000 Which I, I, now I'm just, I just say he's like, he's over there.

01:14:52.440 He's going to drink at the other end of the bar.

01:14:53.600 I'll just say he's here.

01:14:54.960 And, uh, and then my other show I do, I interview only fans model.

01:14:58.000 So I pretty much 99% of the questions I get now and I'm at a bar is between me

01:15:02.700 and you.

01:15:03.140 Yeah.

01:15:03.500 You fucking those chicks.

01:15:04.500 Right.

01:15:05.280 Presley or puss.

01:15:07.100 I like Presley.

01:15:08.140 I like Pussy.

01:15:09.480 Well, and I, yeah, we don't even say, we don't even say, uh, here, I'll point at you.

01:15:15.540 You say it, right?

01:15:15.900 We don't even say.

01:15:17.660 Pussy?

01:15:18.420 I don't hear that much.

01:15:19.300 Yeah.

01:15:19.540 I'm sorry.

01:15:19.940 It's okay.

01:15:21.240 It's okay.

01:15:21.480 Um, so get it.

01:15:23.860 So let's get through.

01:15:24.900 Cause yeah, I know you have a show now that is very sexually involved.

01:15:28.500 It's very, it's, it's in the sexual world, right?

01:15:31.780 Yes.

01:15:32.060 It's in the industry.

01:15:33.220 It's in the industry.

01:15:33.520 As the folks say in the industry.

01:15:35.140 So I want to see how do we get there?

01:15:36.940 So what is sex been like in your life up to this point?

01:15:39.620 You're in college.

01:15:40.560 You're not really digging it.

01:15:41.980 Uh, then you get the job at Barstool.

01:15:43.980 Where does sex kind of play?

01:15:45.400 And have you been watching pornography growing up?

01:15:48.060 Have you been like, um, were you exposed to some type of violent, you know, drawings

01:15:53.980 of people fucking what happened?

01:15:56.880 Um, you know, I've always, I've always been a horny guy.

01:15:58.800 I'd say like one of my favorite stories, my mom always tells, she tells everybody that

01:16:02.280 she does everybody that growing up, she'd always just tell the story that she fell asleep

01:16:05.720 one day when I was about three, four years old, we watched Titanic.

01:16:08.360 She woke up and I was just rewinding that scene.

01:16:12.400 That's what she always says.

01:16:13.560 I don't remember.

01:16:14.380 Cause I was three or four years old, but she always says it.

01:16:16.760 And I, I don't think she's a lion lady.

01:16:18.700 And what's also a grown woman watches that with a four year old?

01:16:22.460 Seriously.

01:16:22.880 I think she just wanted to watch fucking Jack and Rose fight over that door.

01:16:25.920 But I mean, I was there for it.

01:16:27.300 I just, I was just attracted to it.

01:16:28.780 Like there's a photo I have of me.

01:16:29.800 I got to send to you guys.

01:16:30.800 You want to put up your money, put it out.

01:16:32.100 It's like, there's just a picture of me in Vegas when I'm maybe 10 years old.

01:16:36.440 And there's just a big pair of fucking like ceramic tits behind me more on like a fat

01:16:41.640 Tony's yacht shirt.

01:16:42.540 I've just always enjoyed it.

01:16:43.660 I've, my, my dad's called me going through the playboys in the attic before.

01:16:47.340 Oh yeah.

01:16:47.740 Yeah.

01:16:47.980 I mean, those are all, that was not only are those awesome just cause there's like full

01:16:50.880 bushes and naked women in there.

01:16:53.740 Just seeing the ads and all the playboys are awesome.

01:16:55.760 Yeah.

01:16:56.080 It's cool.

01:16:56.880 It's not like, it's always a guy smoking or something.

01:16:58.960 It's a nice drawing of a car in the background.

01:17:01.280 It's never like that.

01:17:01.880 It's all cigarette ads.

01:17:03.320 Yeah.

01:17:03.460 It is all cigarette ads.

01:17:04.520 Yeah.

01:17:04.760 It's just, it's just cigarette ads.

01:17:06.860 And then like, here's her, here's her interview with rising Steve jobs.

01:17:09.540 And one of them I have.

01:17:10.540 Yeah.

01:17:11.200 It's really, really cool.

01:17:12.180 The ads are awesome.

01:17:12.860 But, um, yeah.

01:17:13.720 And then I think the show just led me to, um, I've never been absurdly into porn, but now

01:17:19.620 if you're climbing up a ladder, now here's, so you went up into the attic to look at it.

01:17:22.860 Yes, sir.

01:17:23.280 So there is something now, cause I used to bike about five miles, right?

01:17:27.780 I'd go to my friend's house and his daddy had a little bit of pornography hidden in the, uh, in the toilet, in the bathroom.

01:17:35.560 So I'd get in there and I'd lock myself in there and I'd be in there for like 40 minutes on a Sunday morning at their house.

01:17:41.980 And it was like, going to church.

01:17:43.460 Yeah.

01:17:43.840 The only person taking like a 40 minute shit at that point was somebody who had like Ebola or somebody who had like, you know, some disease you got in the war.

01:17:52.760 Taco Bell.

01:17:53.280 Yeah.

01:17:53.840 Yeah.

01:17:54.740 Something heavy.

01:17:55.580 Yeah.

01:17:56.460 So I was, you know, at some point they knew I was in there jerking off, you know?

01:18:02.020 Um, but I, I noticed at that point, looking back, I would bike five miles on a Sunday morning to masturbate at someone's house that I didn't know that well.

01:18:10.740 I think that's well worth it.

01:18:11.740 Honestly, I mean, I grew up in an age, luckily enough, where we didn't always have the internet.

01:18:15.580 Like we had our phones.

01:18:16.700 I think the first time I jerked off, first time I came, I didn't even think I jerked off.

01:18:19.640 I think it just happened naturally.

01:18:20.960 Oh, wow.

01:18:21.600 So I'll always remember, which kind of sucks.

01:18:23.660 There wasn't even a face involved.

01:18:24.840 It was, um, remember that movie, Sex Drive?

01:18:27.840 Let's pull it up.

01:18:28.500 It was the unrated movie, Sex Drive.

01:18:30.740 And the actress at the end was Katrina Bowden, wonderful actress, but she didn't go topless in the movie.

01:18:36.180 So they literally panned down to like a decoy pair of tits.

01:18:38.940 And that's the first thing I ever came to.

01:18:40.660 So you came to fake tits?

01:18:41.700 I came to just, unless, unless, unless, no, they're real, just not even Katrina Bowden.

01:18:45.860 So it was just an unnamed pair of tits.

01:18:47.800 I don't know who the first tit I came to was.

01:18:50.100 If, if you look on the IMDB of the movie, will it let you know?

01:18:53.440 Maybe.

01:18:53.740 I've never done it.

01:18:54.820 I might look at that later.

01:18:56.380 Yeah.

01:18:56.700 Cause there was, they like show her face and then she takes her top off and it's, uh, unknown pair of tits.

01:19:03.120 Sex Drive.

01:19:03.860 Great movie though.

01:19:04.940 Zach can look that up.

01:19:05.740 Oh, you know who's in there?

01:19:06.660 My, uh.

01:19:07.180 Seth Green is in it.

01:19:08.260 Yep.

01:19:08.600 And also Clark Duke, who I love.

01:19:10.320 Yes.

01:19:11.080 Very funny dude.

01:19:12.940 Um, Zach can look that up in the background and see if those tits, if he's.

01:19:16.400 Yeah.

01:19:16.600 It should be Katrina Bowden's tits in the unrated version.

01:19:19.180 Yeah.

01:19:19.420 That was always a fun thing.

01:19:20.460 The unrated versions.

01:19:21.780 Yeah.

01:19:22.160 It was something that came out.

01:19:23.140 You know, I remember looking, uh, I remember being, uh,

01:19:26.700 um, finding some pornography and a liquor at the same time.

01:19:32.260 And I was drinking and looking at it and I didn't know what was going on.

01:19:35.560 And I was on the top of a shelving unit and then, uh, ejaculated and, uh, fell down to the ground, just blacked out.

01:19:42.640 It was just overdrive.

01:19:44.080 Very worst things to happen.

01:19:45.060 Honestly, it was overdrive.

01:19:46.340 That sounds awesome.

01:19:47.280 God, it was good.

01:19:48.000 That sounds like a home run.

01:19:49.380 But then there's something after that where it's like everything kind of changes, you know, you just feel like some, you know,

01:19:55.200 then you start to just abuse yourself to get semen out of you.

01:19:59.260 Yeah.

01:20:00.040 Yeah.

01:20:00.540 I mean, I'm not going to sit here and say, and sugarcoat it there.

01:20:03.040 When, once I figured out what was happening there, it happens a lot.

01:20:07.280 Like a, like a goddamn professional ball player.

01:20:09.920 God.

01:20:10.540 It's the best.

01:20:11.240 Then iPhones, iPods, infinite, infinite.

01:20:15.960 I can only imagine, like you were saying growing up, you, and me too.

01:20:19.900 I was looking at the magazines.

01:20:21.080 Mine probably, I would say my main source of tits though, growing up was like unrated American Pie movies.

01:20:26.560 Yeah.

01:20:27.040 I would say, you ever see American Pie, Beta House?

01:20:29.040 Mm-mm.

01:20:29.900 A lot of tits in it.

01:20:30.560 Dude, the amount of, that, I would, I would venture to guess that has the most topless, um, women in a movie ever.

01:20:37.800 It's an astonishing amount of tits in this movie.

01:20:40.300 Mm-mm.

01:20:40.940 Astonishing.

01:20:42.120 I, I, I've seen this more times than I've seen Forrest Gump.

01:20:45.100 So, yeah.

01:20:46.420 You think you've been to church more or seen this more?

01:20:50.540 Dude, I, I don't go to church that often.

01:20:53.300 But you had to go growing up.

01:20:54.940 We would go occasionally.

01:20:56.360 We would go occasionally.

01:20:57.760 I would maybe go every, maybe a few times a year, maybe 10 times a year.

01:21:02.040 But I really hadn't gone, depends actually my high school, we would go to church for school.

01:21:07.680 But it would be in the basketball court.

01:21:10.200 Yeah.

01:21:10.480 And the pastor would come in.

01:21:11.400 Does that count as going to church?

01:21:12.260 I don't know.

01:21:13.120 We had assembly sometime.

01:21:14.580 We had this beautiful, um, Miss McManus.

01:21:17.780 I think she was our principal or, I don't know.

01:21:20.240 Or she could have just been like a real angry lesbian that was at the school.

01:21:23.320 I didn't, you know, you didn't know sometimes, you know?

01:21:25.480 Mm-hmm.

01:21:25.620 And, um, but she, they would always have that assembly, you know?

01:21:32.200 And it was like, we're having an assembly, you know?

01:21:34.520 And it would be like, and it was always like kids were urinating on the, they had like the

01:21:39.500 heaters and the, like the old heaters.

01:21:41.780 It was, it was an old building from like the 1930s that we all went to middle school in.

01:21:46.580 And they had, people were pissing on the heaters and it would steam up the whole bathroom.

01:21:51.400 So then people would play like Ghost Baby and stuff like that.

01:21:54.940 And things like, you know, and, uh, Planet of the Apes, all that shit in the bathroom because

01:21:59.500 it was all just piss steam, you know?

01:22:01.640 Oh, dude.

01:22:02.240 So she had to have a meeting and say, no more pissing on the things, you know?

01:22:06.520 And, um, but it was crazy telling children that because kids were in there just.

01:22:10.940 And that'll make, probably want to make them do more.

01:22:12.600 Sounds like a lose-lose for everybody though.

01:22:14.280 The second you heard about it, if you weren't doing it, you're like, we gotta go do it.

01:22:18.280 Fight or fight.

01:22:18.980 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

01:22:19.680 And we had a janitor, this dude, Mr. Larry, and he would piss over you into the fucking

01:22:23.900 urine while you were in there.

01:22:25.020 He was like the BJ Armstrong of piss.

01:22:27.040 Yeah.

01:22:27.240 This guy was, it was unreal, bro, how he could fucking hit it every time.

01:22:32.140 Right over your body.

01:22:33.060 Like, you could literally look up and see it going over you like the, um, what's that

01:22:37.320 thing in St. Louis?

01:22:38.480 The, um.

01:22:38.660 The Golden Arch.

01:22:39.440 The Golden Arch, yeah.

01:22:40.380 Yes, sir.

01:22:41.520 So you were under this man as he was peeing?

01:22:43.100 He would pee from behind you.

01:22:45.260 It was like a secret.

01:22:46.000 What?

01:22:46.440 It was like a, yeah, he was like a fucking savant or whatever, you know?

01:22:50.660 A giant?

01:22:51.820 No, he wasn't a giant.

01:22:53.180 I mean, he was a giant to us.

01:22:54.360 We were in fifth or sixth grade, but he was probably, I bet, 5'9".

01:22:57.520 Interesting.

01:22:58.100 Black, though.

01:22:58.860 Mm-hmm.

01:22:59.240 So he had that, you know.

01:23:00.560 Yeah, yeah.

01:23:01.020 He had that damn, uh.

01:23:02.320 We were well-endowed.

01:23:03.560 So get us, so, all right, so you're cruising through life, you're at, now, did you finally,

01:23:09.480 did you get to sex before you got to, uh, Barstool?

01:23:15.400 I did not.

01:23:16.080 Wow.

01:23:16.460 I'll tell you that.

01:23:17.060 I'll, I'll, I'll say it.

01:23:17.820 I don't, I don't mind.

01:23:18.560 I mean.

01:23:18.860 Yeah, look, I mean, look, we all have.

01:23:19.960 I'm doing fine now, so I don't really mind talking about it.

01:23:22.560 Yeah, look, I mean.

01:23:23.500 I wouldn't, I always, I wouldn't say I'm like, I wasn't saying I was popular per se, but like,

01:23:26.760 my friends were like normal, like normal kids, they always had fun, like I said, still best

01:23:30.140 friends with all of them, we're great guys.

01:23:31.580 But, um, yeah, never, never dabbled in.

01:23:34.280 Yeah, it's all right.

01:23:35.260 And so were you nervous that, I mean, dude, I remember, I mean, I, yeah, I would, it was

01:23:41.440 always so nerve wracking to me.

01:23:42.780 Were you nervous when you got in, when you, when you, did you know it was going to happen?

01:23:47.080 Was it like a, all right, this is it, it's a girl I'm dating, this is a big night?

01:23:51.900 Or was it just kind of like, here it goes?

01:23:53.860 It was a girl I was talking to for a little bit and we had done stuff before that.

01:23:57.080 We hadn't done the, the whole nine.

01:23:59.100 I think it was going to go to a good concert.

01:24:01.640 So, um.

01:24:02.380 What concert, do you remember?

01:24:04.100 People are going to, uh, it was Billy Joel and he's my favorite artist ever actually.

01:24:07.880 So that's a nice, uh.

01:24:09.320 Bro, if you could make love to a woman after Billy Joel.

01:24:13.760 What's better than that?

01:24:15.240 Nothing.

01:24:16.260 Literally nothing.

01:24:17.380 Yeah, it's really good.

01:24:18.300 Yeah, it was a Billy Joel concert.

01:24:19.560 It's so rare, I feel like.

01:24:21.000 Dude, yeah, it feels like it's, I'm in the 80s.

01:24:23.760 So I, I mean, it was, it's a cool story.

01:24:25.380 It was like Billy Joel concert.

01:24:26.860 It was beautiful.

01:24:27.440 I mean, what, I actually never said that.

01:24:29.480 So it was a Billy Joel concert.

01:24:30.460 And everyone, a lot of people, if you, if you know me remotely, you know, I love Billy Joel.

01:24:34.340 Yeah, who doesn't?

01:24:35.180 Maybe now people, maybe now people know why.

01:24:37.800 God.

01:24:38.240 Seeds from an insane restaurant and some sex.

01:24:39.860 It's a good duo.

01:24:41.340 And did you go back home?

01:24:42.820 Did you go to a hotel or motel?

01:24:45.840 No, it was at her apartment.

01:24:47.500 Yeah.

01:24:47.900 God.

01:24:48.300 God.

01:24:49.200 Now you're venturing in enemy territory.

01:24:51.220 I'm wondering, was it more fun to have sex on home turf or on away turf?

01:24:56.180 I'm an away game guy.

01:24:57.660 I love away games.

01:24:58.260 Really?

01:24:58.540 I love away games.

01:24:59.980 I mean, me and Caleb also travel a lot.

01:25:02.120 That's a good point.

01:25:03.400 I'm a big fan of away games.

01:25:04.740 I mean, I love sex, but I just, I enjoy it.

01:25:06.900 Like I've said this many times on OnlyStands.

01:25:08.960 Like I just enjoy, I enjoy the chase of it a lot.

01:25:11.180 So I love doing the away game stuff.

01:25:12.960 Yeah.

01:25:13.620 And I'm not going to lie to you.

01:25:14.800 Every time I go to bars at home, I don't get like the same vibe with women.

01:25:19.920 I just don't talk to women the same.

01:25:21.200 I don't know why.

01:25:22.760 I feel like they like me less.

01:25:24.900 There's something about an away game.

01:25:26.220 There's just the allure of an away game.

01:25:27.740 Well, yeah, they can get you at the store.

01:25:29.880 They can get you at the local store because you're there.

01:25:31.960 Yeah, 100%.

01:25:33.120 But when you're just passing through town, when you're like, you're a, you're a commodity.

01:25:38.380 You're, you know, you're like when the train would come through and had like ribeyes on

01:25:42.600 it, you know, and you got a bunch of brothers just beating the shit out of each other.

01:25:46.060 They're trying to get to a real, because you, you know, but if you grow up right next

01:25:49.880 to ribeye factory, plus.

01:25:52.120 Right next to Peter Luger's, it's not going to be the same.

01:25:54.240 So yeah, I mean, definitely an away game guy.

01:25:56.020 There's no doubt about it.

01:25:57.680 And when you walked out of that place, you make love to the woman.

01:26:00.360 And when you leave there, does things feel different?

01:26:04.820 I'm trying to take myself back to that moment.

01:26:06.080 It felt pretty damn good.

01:26:07.140 I barely remember.

01:26:08.000 I actually got a text from my buddy that said his manager at one of his, at the firm he

01:26:12.760 works for in the city, just said, I saw Glennie walking down the street looking absolutely

01:26:16.040 disheveled.

01:26:17.620 And I said, yeah, it makes fucking sense, dude.

01:26:20.160 Makes absolute sense.

01:26:23.320 Put two and two together.

01:26:24.500 Did you tell your mom after?

01:26:25.960 No.

01:26:26.680 Yeah.

01:26:27.000 I did not.

01:26:28.180 I don't even know if I told my friends, honestly.

01:26:30.360 This is the way they're going to find out.

01:26:33.000 It's just interesting.

01:26:33.960 And I'm trying to remember who I told.

01:26:35.620 I also didn't tell her.

01:26:36.600 So this might be the way she finds out too, if she watches this.

01:26:38.980 That's beautiful, man.

01:26:40.920 Which might be embarrassing.

01:26:42.120 So I haven't talked to her in a while, which would be awkward, but whatever.

01:26:45.380 Dude, I made love behind a Tiffany Lane by, they used to have a bowling alley in our

01:26:49.300 town called Tiffany Lanes over there.

01:26:51.540 Was that outdoors?

01:26:53.340 It was outdoors out back.

01:26:54.580 Wow.

01:26:54.940 I mean, I've still never done the whole public sex type of thing.

01:26:57.940 It was, it was, it was, it was, you know, I was always so, I've always had so, like,

01:27:03.160 it's gotten better now, but I had so much pressure, like, interacting with women.

01:27:06.520 Yes, sir.

01:27:07.080 That it's like a lot of, like, nerves going on.

01:27:09.860 Oh, 100%.

01:27:10.720 And imagine you're like, imagine somebody's electrocuting you and you still have to play

01:27:15.420 Jenga, you know?

01:27:16.800 Yeah.

01:27:17.380 That's kind of how it is, I think, if you're really nervous and trying to do or get a good

01:27:21.980 erection.

01:27:22.400 Yeah, I mean, there's no two ways about it, too.

01:27:23.700 Like, I'll be the first to admit, like, I just said, like, confidence is a lot of, like,

01:27:26.520 as, I guess I've grown more at work and my confidence has risen and now it's fine.

01:27:31.620 Yeah.

01:27:32.020 But a while ago, it was like, it was, I totally get it.

01:27:34.060 It's fucking scary.

01:27:35.080 Sex is scary.

01:27:35.560 Girls are scary.

01:27:36.320 Especially when you're, once again, I'm no Tom Hanks.

01:27:38.860 Why did I say Tom Hanks?

01:27:39.520 I'm no Tom Cruise.

01:27:40.900 Yeah.

01:27:41.300 Like, it's an intimidating thing for the fellas.

01:27:44.700 I'm no fucking Lonnie Hanks, you know?

01:27:47.200 I'm no, you know.

01:27:48.980 You're in shape, though.

01:27:50.260 The in-shape guy's got to be easy.

01:27:51.480 All you got to do is be in shape.

01:27:52.680 But also, here's one issue.

01:27:54.240 Thicker guys think that just a guy is in shape.

01:27:57.000 Like, dude.

01:27:57.540 Yeah, it's true.

01:27:58.780 To me, you have a six-pack under there.

01:28:01.220 In my world, you might as well be Fabio.

01:28:05.440 Oh, that's hilarious, man.

01:28:07.600 Yeah, dude.

01:28:08.220 There's just, I mean, it's interesting.

01:28:10.640 Once sex is introduced to, and I'm talking a lot about sex today, because I want to, eventually

01:28:14.320 we're going to talk about your show.

01:28:15.660 Yes.

01:28:16.060 And sex is a driving force in a lot of young men's lives.

01:28:19.860 You know, I think about that.

01:28:21.420 It shapes kind of like, once you start to learn about sex, it's interesting because then your

01:28:26.080 interests, like, some of them start to disappear a little bit or dissipate because that takes

01:28:32.280 up like 50% of the brain.

01:28:34.500 Dude, you are a preacher of the choir.

01:28:36.040 God.

01:28:36.380 I cannot tell you.

01:28:37.960 I mean, I remember before I lost said virginity, I would go out with my friends and they would

01:28:41.680 always be, like, trying to get with girls.

01:28:42.760 And I would just tell them, dude, it's like, let's just hang out at the bar, talk a little

01:28:45.120 bit.

01:28:46.900 Now I kind of get it.

01:28:47.840 Yeah.

01:28:49.020 Now I get it.

01:28:50.500 Yeah, dude.

01:28:51.020 Because, but then also you're like, how's this weaner going to fit in a vagina?

01:28:54.600 Like, there's so many little things.

01:28:55.760 If you don't have a role model to tell you about sex, you know?

01:28:58.460 Yeah.

01:28:58.720 Did your dad tell you anything about sex?

01:29:00.220 Not really.

01:29:00.720 No.

01:29:01.180 Kind of just, kind of just won it.

01:29:02.400 Yeah.

01:29:03.860 Oh, man.

01:29:04.840 I mean, I thought it was funny.

01:29:06.740 But you learn from the streets.

01:29:07.580 Otherwise, you learn from the sandwich shoppers.

01:29:09.520 You know what I'm saying?

01:29:09.820 You learn from the, you know, the subway.

01:29:12.040 You learn from the, you know, if we don't learn from a parent or something.

01:29:16.600 Yeah.

01:29:17.160 We had some, we had some, so your dad didn't learn you?

01:29:19.700 No, I kind of just went.

01:29:20.540 I kind of just wung it and wang it.

01:29:22.080 I thought, I was, I don't, I don't know if she knew or not.

01:29:25.140 I don't think she did.

01:29:26.600 So I think that means I passed the test, kind of.

01:29:28.640 Oh, that's a good call.

01:29:29.340 I didn't get it.

01:29:29.900 Is this your first time?

01:29:31.020 Yeah.

01:29:31.620 She actually, the first night I went, I was with her, I may have went downtown and she

01:29:37.620 said that.

01:29:38.100 She was like, oh, you're fucking good at this.

01:29:39.280 I said, wow, you know, I appreciate that.

01:29:40.780 It's one of my first few times.

01:29:42.400 That's cool, man.

01:29:43.260 Yeah.

01:29:44.480 Yeah.

01:29:44.800 It's also nerve wracking, bro, back then.

01:29:47.080 You know, we had some calls a while back about if it would be better if family, if in some

01:29:54.360 tribes, you know, there's tribes in Africa, there's tribes in Europe where they, a older

01:30:02.420 sibling or a father teaches the child how to masturbate.

01:30:05.160 Really?

01:30:05.540 Because then you're learning it.

01:30:07.780 You're learning sex from like a, it's part of a familial thing.

01:30:10.960 It's not as like this taboo thing that like, you know, you know, uh, little Richard shows

01:30:17.140 you in the woods one day, you know, and he's, you know, coming on a lizard or whatever.

01:30:20.800 I didn't know masturbation needed to be taught.

01:30:22.540 I kind of just thought it was pretty primal.

01:30:24.540 But I think you, if you have a sibling that teaches you and takes you through it, or you

01:30:28.540 have a parent that takes you through it, then some, I guess there's some cultures where

01:30:32.920 to believe that that's the way to do it.

01:30:34.360 You know, we've had a lot of callers call in and say, yeah, my brother taught me how

01:30:37.320 to do it.

01:30:38.500 Sure.

01:30:39.240 Which is interesting.

01:30:40.600 It would be, I'm sure, I guess it would have been nice to have a guy, but trust me,

01:30:43.620 I didn't eat one.

01:30:45.160 I figured out how to jerk off.

01:30:46.280 Yeah.

01:30:46.740 Yeah.

01:30:47.320 It was, it was, that first summer was a, it was a tough one.

01:30:50.720 Would you do any cool tricks with your hands to make it different when you would masturbate

01:30:54.300 ever?

01:30:54.500 No, I mean, my left arm sucks, dude.

01:30:56.480 I can't jerk off.

01:30:56.880 Really?

01:30:57.100 I don't think I could jerk off with this thing if I tried.

01:30:58.800 Oh, wow.

01:30:59.360 I'm a very right-hand dominant.

01:31:00.760 Like, even growing up playing baseball sometimes, not that I'm fucking Babe Ruth, but growing

01:31:04.200 up playing baseball until I was like 14, like, I'm a lefty.

01:31:07.620 And that's because you're swinging this way, your right hand's coming through, pulling

01:31:10.700 the bat around.

01:31:11.440 I don't know how righties follow through with their left arm.

01:31:14.260 My left arm is so dead.

01:31:15.500 I don't know why, but this thing is trash.

01:31:17.220 Yeah.

01:31:17.620 In my, like, if I had to lose this limb, I wouldn't even mind, really.

01:31:20.320 I'd do nothing with this.

01:31:21.680 Don't jerk off with it.

01:31:22.760 Don't eat with it.

01:31:25.220 God.

01:31:25.960 Yeah.

01:31:26.360 So I'm very right-hand dominant.

01:31:27.660 So I'm really just focusing on the right-hand jerk off.

01:31:31.120 But don't you ever, it's almost like sometimes when you want to, like, I'll use, like, my

01:31:34.020 language learning app or something.

01:31:35.400 It's like sometimes I'll do the same thing.

01:31:36.520 I'll masturbate with my left hand.

01:31:37.640 It's like I just want to, like, give my, you know, you know, to try to be not, like,

01:31:42.260 artsy, but to try to, like, you know, learn a new language, I guess.

01:31:46.060 I always switch up a category.

01:31:48.160 On pornography?

01:31:49.420 In the realm, in the industry.

01:31:51.360 Oh, yeah.

01:31:51.720 So, well, that kind of brings us to where we are now.

01:31:54.980 So you do, you have a show called Only Stands, right?

01:31:59.100 Yes, sir.

01:31:59.340 Only Stands.

01:31:59.940 So are you kind of like a male, do you consider yourself like a, like a kind of a, like a male,

01:32:06.120 do you consider yourself like a male sex symbol or like a journalist?

01:32:10.340 No, it's funny because I would never consider myself a sex symbol ever because I'm not a

01:32:14.380 sex symbol in the slightest.

01:32:15.460 It would be cool to be considered a sex symbol, though.

01:32:17.100 I feel like you are, though.

01:32:17.880 I feel like you're, because I think of you or I see you now.

01:32:21.380 I mean, I know some of your world and, and I know that you love sports.

01:32:25.940 You work in barstool sports.

01:32:26.900 I know you're involved in that universe, but now I see you around, you know, sexy women

01:32:31.900 and you guys are, you know, talking about sex.

01:32:35.560 Yeah, it's been fun.

01:32:36.200 I mean, I definitely would consider myself a journalist.

01:32:37.900 I'm a, I'm a, one of the only few OnlyFans journalists in the world.

01:32:41.720 Try to try to keep the, the journalist interviewee relationship fine.

01:32:47.100 And they always say, I'm a journalist.

01:32:48.460 So I, I enjoy it.

01:32:49.560 It's so much fun.

01:32:50.340 I love, I mean, I love beautiful women.

01:32:51.660 I love talking to beautiful women.

01:32:52.640 I think they're very fun to talk to.

01:32:54.000 And the way that most OnlyFans queens are, they like a lot of podcasts, I don't know,

01:32:59.660 even if they do podcasts, it's rare that they get to just talk about random things.

01:33:03.420 I try to just talk about random things and fun things as much as possible.

01:33:06.020 Yeah.

01:33:06.620 Yeah.

01:33:07.200 And then obviously there's a lot of sex talk because it's fun to just read off.

01:33:10.260 Hey, you just had a 10 guy blow bang.

01:33:13.360 Right.

01:33:13.840 And you had Whitney on.

01:33:15.680 Had Whitney on recently.

01:33:16.620 She was amazing.

01:33:17.380 I loved her.

01:33:18.000 She was so cool.

01:33:18.760 She was so funny.

01:33:19.560 She's amazing.

01:33:20.320 She gave me a bee costume one night.

01:33:22.400 What's that mean?

01:33:22.920 I think, I don't know.

01:33:25.000 She, I was at the comedy store and she gave me a beekeepers uniform.

01:33:30.520 Oh really?

01:33:31.360 For no reason.

01:33:32.520 Interesting.

01:33:33.160 Do you still have it?

01:33:34.100 Yeah.

01:33:34.600 Still in my truck.

01:33:35.380 In my truck.

01:33:36.000 I don't know.

01:33:37.460 So I got to give her a buzz and check on her.

01:33:39.300 But yeah, she was great.

01:33:40.360 She was like the first time I was really like starstruck by somebody.

01:33:42.640 I've been watching roasts since I was 15.

01:33:46.140 So it was very cool.

01:33:47.200 Oh yeah.

01:33:47.880 But you know, yeah.

01:33:48.500 Super cool.

01:33:49.020 When he comes on.

01:33:49.840 And that was.

01:33:50.120 You're talking oven roasts though.

01:33:51.440 Yeah.

01:33:51.760 Sorry.

01:33:52.600 Like then Angela, Angela White.

01:33:55.040 It was great.

01:33:55.580 We just had her on.

01:33:56.400 She was amazing.

01:33:57.300 And now Angela White.

01:33:58.460 Tell me about her.

01:33:59.220 So you interview a lot of women that do OnlyFans, right?

01:34:02.280 So now that OnlyFans has kind of took over the industry since COVID.

01:34:06.540 COVID had a huge up climb because everyone was inside.

01:34:09.880 She just did OnlyFans.

01:34:10.860 So now all the porn stars do OnlyFans as well.

01:34:14.620 And Angela White is like the fucking Ken Griffey Jr. porn.

01:34:18.940 She's amazing.

01:34:19.300 Oh really?

01:34:19.560 She's amazing.

01:34:20.880 And so she's on OnlyFans.

01:34:22.800 So we had her on.

01:34:23.680 And she was just.

01:34:25.460 I got drinks with her on Sunday.

01:34:26.540 She is just the nicest.

01:34:28.200 One of my most interesting humans that I've met in my life.

01:34:30.660 She's amazing.

01:34:31.760 Yeah.

01:34:32.060 Like amazing.

01:34:33.400 She's the nicest person I've ever met.

01:34:35.120 We had Whitney on.

01:34:36.540 We had Whitney on.

01:34:37.800 And we talked about how Angela White did a Two Broke Girls porn parody.

01:34:41.780 And Whitney made Two Broke Girls.

01:34:43.600 So we watched the clip of Angela White.

01:34:46.440 And then like made that into a clip for the show.

01:34:48.820 And Whitney texted me.

01:34:49.720 I said to the clip, she said, it's so funny.

01:34:50.780 But we got to get some of the clips of the show in there.

01:34:53.560 And within a second, I texted Angela White.

01:34:56.200 She immediately responded back.

01:34:57.480 Talked to the producer.

01:34:58.180 Talked to the director.

01:34:58.980 Got it all done in 10 minutes.

01:35:00.280 Wow.

01:35:00.380 She's just a.

01:35:00.980 She's an angel.

01:35:02.360 Angela White is an angel.

01:35:03.660 You know, it is interesting.

01:35:04.880 A lot of like a lot of strippers.

01:35:07.360 And pornography women.

01:35:12.120 Yes, sir.

01:35:12.860 And men, maybe too.

01:35:13.720 I don't know.

01:35:14.400 I don't ever look at.

01:35:16.320 You know, I'm kind of.

01:35:17.080 I don't look at the wiener when I look at pornography.

01:35:19.580 Ooh, I do.

01:35:20.540 Really?

01:35:20.860 Like I enjoy a good blowjob porn.

01:35:22.800 And you look at the wiener?

01:35:24.060 Or you look at the mouth?

01:35:25.700 I think I look at the mouth going up and down.

01:35:27.220 And the wiener's there.

01:35:28.740 Yeah, but I know if you don't want to see the wiener, your brain won't see it.

01:35:31.620 Yeah, I definitely see it.

01:35:32.740 I definitely see it.

01:35:33.280 I enjoy blowjob porn.

01:35:34.840 I mean, but there's a lot of.

01:35:36.260 There's a lot of different porns out there.

01:35:37.520 My personal favorite is bachelorette party porn.

01:35:39.620 Oh, yeah?

01:35:40.340 Yeah.

01:35:40.700 You ever watch Dancing Bear?

01:35:42.520 Dude, Dancing Bear is his company.

01:35:43.860 I don't know what.

01:35:44.280 I don't know if they're even still in business.

01:35:46.140 But it'll just be these 25 horny housewives on a bachelorette party.

01:35:51.260 The Dancing Bear rolls in.

01:35:52.160 It's a male stripper with a huge bear mask on.

01:35:54.200 And he just roams around and they all blow.

01:35:55.900 Oh, wow.

01:35:56.700 Yeah, I don't know why.

01:35:57.480 I think the idea of a housewife doing that is kind of erotic to me.

01:36:00.540 That's why I like that.

01:36:01.140 Oh, it's like the new age door-to-door salesman kind of.

01:36:03.200 Kind of.

01:36:03.860 Yeah.

01:36:04.200 And then there's her being intrigued by that.

01:36:05.780 Willie Bloman kind of.

01:36:07.060 Ooh, Willie Bloman.

01:36:07.860 What a fucking pawn that is.

01:36:10.140 Is that Death of a Salesman?

01:36:12.000 I think it was, huh?

01:36:13.060 Yeah.

01:36:13.400 Yeah.

01:36:13.560 So now when you, but now tell me this.

01:36:15.800 So how does that start to influence your sex world?

01:36:17.980 Because look, I try to stay off of pornography, right?

01:36:20.540 Yes, sir.

01:36:20.800 I respect it.

01:36:21.640 I've seen it all.

01:36:23.400 I know what they're doing.

01:36:25.760 I, but my problem is I start to then think of sex only in like the frames and the things

01:36:31.260 you see on pornography, right?

01:36:33.120 Yeah.

01:36:33.680 So it's like, I'll think of like, and I notice this even like with a lot of women now, it's

01:36:39.380 like you hook up and it's just like little things, it's almost like you just go through

01:36:43.740 these vignettes that are in pornography.

01:36:46.140 It doesn't even feel like a lot about like physical touch anymore.

01:36:49.260 100%.

01:36:49.540 And a lot of guests have said that, that porn makes people delusional about how sex actually

01:36:54.000 is.

01:36:54.540 Not every time you're having sex, there's a girl going to be screaming at the top of her

01:36:57.040 lungs.

01:36:57.340 That's just not going to happen.

01:36:58.340 Yeah.

01:36:58.600 So they always say stuff like that, but me.

01:37:00.560 Oh, a lot of times if you're having sex, there's a girl's not even going to be screaming

01:37:02.540 at the top of a low murmur.

01:37:03.860 Or saying anything.

01:37:05.120 I'm talking like this.

01:37:05.800 Oh, yeah.

01:37:06.700 Oh, I'm the, dude, during sex, I am the silent.

01:37:09.380 I was saying that too on an episode a few months ago.

01:37:12.860 Some girls were talking about what you should do when you're getting a head or something.

01:37:16.060 I said, I don't really, I don't say anything.

01:37:18.280 I say yeah sometimes or I'll say.

01:37:20.080 Yeah.

01:37:20.380 One of the girls was saying like, just be like, oh, you're a good little slut, pat her head.

01:37:24.960 I'm like, I'm not fucking saying that shit, dude.

01:37:27.620 It's crazy.

01:37:28.640 It's crazy.

01:37:29.240 So I just like to stay quiet.

01:37:31.240 Yeah.

01:37:31.420 I think I would, yeah, I would say, yeah.

01:37:33.200 I would say, oh, we got to get out of here.

01:37:38.400 Sometimes I'll say stuff like that.

01:37:39.880 I think I, a lot of times feel like I'm about to get caught.

01:37:44.740 So, and I think that comes from having had sex outdoors.

01:37:47.240 I think that comes from, you know, I got a B, you know, I got BJ'd behind a thin tree

01:37:53.680 when I was young.

01:37:54.460 So people could see the sides, but not the actual eye.

01:37:57.140 It wasn't a Redwoods.

01:37:57.980 It was tiny.

01:37:58.800 Oh yeah.

01:37:59.580 Oh, cool.

01:38:00.120 I mean, it was, um.

01:38:01.420 So you were doing some public sex, dude.

01:38:03.140 Just the way it happened.

01:38:04.480 You know, I know I didn't have a place where somebody really could come over to my place

01:38:07.820 and, uh, a lot of poor people, you know, the early sex is outdoors.

01:38:13.460 Interesting.

01:38:14.220 But yeah, I totally get it.

01:38:15.460 I think I'm sure a lot of people, there's a many, many, many outdoor videos on OnlyFans.

01:38:19.880 People definitely enjoy the thrill of being outdoor, I guess.

01:38:22.280 And I guess viewers enjoy the thrill of, is this person going to get caught?

01:38:25.580 That's a huge thing.

01:38:26.760 Have you seen the compilation of bee stings during outdoor porn?

01:38:30.180 I have not, but maybe that's a correlation of why Wendy Cummings got you a bee costume.

01:38:34.380 Ooh.

01:38:34.920 How about that?

01:38:35.380 It could be, huh?

01:38:35.980 Full circle.

01:38:36.840 I love that.

01:38:38.480 Um, so has that, but is that hard though?

01:38:41.620 Because if you're a guy who grew up with not a ton of sex, right?

01:38:44.500 Yes, sir.

01:38:45.300 You know, cause a lot, which is most guys, you know, I mean, I had one sex person, uh, two

01:38:51.320 sex persons, women's until high, uh, college, right?

01:38:55.780 Yeah.

01:38:55.920 If you had a bunch of, if you had a lot of sex in high school, you're a dickhead.

01:38:59.500 Oh, you're gross, bro.

01:39:00.980 You're a rapist.

01:39:02.560 Douche.

01:39:03.240 I think, right?

01:39:04.180 Like if you had a lot of sex in high school, dude.

01:39:06.040 You're a loser.

01:39:07.100 Yeah.

01:39:07.840 Dude, if you got chicks in high school, dork.

01:39:10.540 Yeah.

01:39:10.820 You're a sick fuck, homie.

01:39:12.440 But, um, uh, yeah, no, the show, it's not, that doesn't make it that different for me.

01:39:16.280 Honestly, if anything, it's, it's, it's, I've noticed that girl, normal girls think I'm

01:39:21.500 like fucking every guest.

01:39:22.480 So you have all these hot women on your show and I'm like, we're just doing a podcast.

01:39:25.640 Like that's really it at the end of the day.

01:39:27.820 But I've had just, uh, you know, I've had women here and when they, I don't, you know,

01:39:33.260 I've had women in any time a woman's around, a lot of times you don't want them to leave.

01:39:36.480 You know, it's like you get attracted to women.

01:39:38.640 Is it hard to separate the work?

01:39:40.240 Like, you know, Ooh, yeah, nothing.

01:39:43.440 It depends.

01:39:44.080 Honestly, it depends on the girl.

01:39:45.200 Like there's definitely girls I've had on my show that, that we clearly vibe a little

01:39:48.220 bit.

01:39:48.480 And there's some that, that I haven't.

01:39:50.160 And maybe, maybe some of them will get dinner afterwards.

01:39:52.060 Like me and Angela, I got dinner that night.

01:39:53.700 Uh, a few have gotten drinks with afterwards, but like nothing crazy.

01:39:56.360 Can you legally make love to the world?

01:39:58.160 Or can you legally date them?

01:39:59.320 Is that even a legal thing?

01:40:00.400 I guess you could.

01:40:01.040 I don't see why not.

01:40:01.940 I mean, I, I haven't, wouldn't, I think either way it would be very, it would be unprofessional

01:40:07.080 if I said maybe did it that night of the podcast.

01:40:10.160 Which I never have.

01:40:11.140 But I think, I think that would be, that would be towing a line.

01:40:14.980 I would say maybe if, if let's say I did a podcast and one of them lived in LA and the

01:40:19.200 next month I was in LA and she was like, Oh, let's get drinks.

01:40:21.720 I would say, and then if we, we five, once again, never happened.

01:40:24.540 Let's like, if that happened, I guess that would be okay.

01:40:26.080 Right.

01:40:26.660 That's two consenting adults.

01:40:28.000 Yeah.

01:40:30.500 Yeah.

01:40:30.780 So not in watching, sometimes you watch the stuff.

01:40:33.060 Like, do you have to watch porn to prepare for your guests then?

01:40:36.780 Like that has to be.

01:40:38.140 Sometimes because so a lot of, most of my guests, there's like porn girls and only fans girls.

01:40:43.280 The only, most of them are only fans girls.

01:40:45.380 So not all of them do porn.

01:40:46.620 That's a good point.

01:40:47.420 And that should be stated.

01:40:48.120 Not all of them do porn.

01:40:48.420 Sorry.

01:40:49.020 There's a lot that there's a lot that are just some, some don't even post like their

01:40:52.400 boobs.

01:40:53.080 Some literally don't even post boobs and make astronomical amount of money.

01:40:56.480 So my guests vary from porn, full-blown porn stars like Angela White, two girls that literally

01:41:00.560 don't even post their boobs to Whitney comics to, who does comedy and only fans.

01:41:04.060 So it's, it's whatever.

01:41:05.140 But I mean, if that has got them fricking hammers on her boy.

01:41:08.500 Yeah.

01:41:09.280 Well, respect, respect, but, um, she got them fucking tonsils, baby.

01:41:13.860 Respect.

01:41:14.300 She, she said it, she knows it.

01:41:15.620 But, um, yeah.

01:41:16.760 So really just depends on the guest.

01:41:18.180 I'll definitely, I'll definitely tune in.

01:41:19.880 I got to subscribe for science, for research the day of, but how do you just jerking off

01:41:24.740 and then they come in?

01:41:25.380 Like, how do you even, I don't jerk off every time I look at it, you know, but it's so hard

01:41:30.240 not to they, the algorithm is set where you're going to skeet at the end, buddy.

01:41:34.080 That's true.

01:41:34.740 But then again, it's also, it depends on what they're posting on their only fans.

01:41:38.060 Not everybody's posting the, the, the peak, the peak of what you want to see.

01:41:42.800 What's your only fans bill every month?

01:41:44.460 Um, I think I subscribed to like 28 accounts, but honestly a lot of them are free.

01:41:49.720 So a lot of girls do free accounts and then they'll charge in the DMs for a whole bunch

01:41:53.840 of money for the nudity or whatnot.

01:41:55.840 So I don't, I don't, not like I buy everything in the DMs.

01:41:57.900 I would say the bill a month, maybe a hundred, 200 bucks.

01:42:00.500 It really, not many girls do too many, um, high prices.

01:42:05.640 A lot of free.

01:42:07.020 Wow.

01:42:07.580 And, and I really, I don't buy much content from my guests.

01:42:11.020 I literally just look at it.

01:42:12.280 Sounds stupid, but journalists.

01:42:13.640 I'll just look at like when you subscribe to them, the DM that comes up, what they're

01:42:17.840 offering, how much they're offering stuff for.

01:42:19.960 I've also found like a great way to prepare for the guests is to go through their

01:42:22.840 Twitters.

01:42:23.620 Like they're just, they always tweet fun stuff, TikTok stuff.

01:42:26.080 Yeah.

01:42:26.540 A lot of dating questions.

01:42:27.520 Like talk about dating, but, um, no, actually the porn itself.

01:42:30.300 I don't watch too much of the porn.

01:42:32.640 Hmm.

01:42:32.980 I also, I also do it at work.

01:42:34.420 I feel like I can't want to watch too much porn at work, but then again, it's

01:42:37.460 work, but there's something that feel, if you're watching porn at work, there's

01:42:41.600 something that feels like you are not doing well.

01:42:46.360 Would you agree with that?

01:42:47.880 Yeah.

01:42:48.260 If you're, if you're, if you're tuning into, if you're tuning into, uh, if you're

01:42:50.640 on X hamster at the job site, it's probably not the best.

01:42:53.440 You never want to log at the X hamster from nine to five.

01:42:55.900 Yeah.

01:42:56.260 But yeah, I mean, Hey, it happens.

01:42:57.420 There, there's, there's some porn girls and some only fence girls.

01:42:59.360 And honestly, they're all great.

01:43:00.980 I'm a massive fan of all of them.

01:43:03.340 Interesting, man.

01:43:03.980 So you, so you're able to separate the work and the sex a hundred percent.

01:43:08.760 Like a big thing too, is, uh, like the first episode we did, we had this girl, Jeannie

01:43:13.080 X him on and she offered me to be in an only fans video with her.

01:43:16.900 That's what I saw you and Caleb talking about when Caleb was in here last time.

01:43:19.420 She offered me to be in an only fans video with her, meaning me and her having sex.

01:43:23.820 And I don't know.

01:43:24.500 I just, there's no, I just, I don't consider it.

01:43:25.660 No, I said no instantly.

01:43:27.000 I just, I don't really see the, I really, first off, I told my mom, I want to make a

01:43:32.000 sex tape ever, which I'll, I'll oblige by.

01:43:34.500 Okay.

01:43:34.720 And number two, I, like I said earlier, I really don't have a, I want to do a chase.

01:43:40.140 If you're just offering me sex, I'm not interested.

01:43:42.380 Kind of.

01:43:42.720 I want, I want to be able to get it properly.

01:43:46.520 I like the whole idea of that.

01:43:48.120 So there is some romantic, you're romantic kind of in a way.

01:43:50.860 I would say so.

01:43:51.600 Yeah.

01:43:51.780 I want to know I could charm a lady.

01:43:53.960 Yeah.

01:43:54.420 Like there's, there's times I'll be out of the book.

01:43:55.860 Like there's times I've been at a bar, obviously I'll do whatever, whatever.

01:43:59.640 But when you're at a bar and a girl just says yes to, hey, you want to go back?

01:44:03.940 That's just as good.

01:44:04.940 Right.

01:44:05.320 That's just as good.

01:44:06.080 Okay.

01:44:06.280 So sometimes that, that, that, that, that'll oblige it.

01:44:10.080 That'll oblige the year.

01:44:11.100 Yeah.

01:44:11.200 It's just fun.

01:44:11.680 I'd be like, oh, she said, yes, we're good here.

01:44:13.400 She said, yeah, I'm happy.

01:44:14.740 I'm happy with it.

01:44:15.420 Right.

01:44:15.900 I should, yeah.

01:44:17.040 But on a regular, but if you have your wits about you and you haven't drank in a day or

01:44:20.520 two and you're thinking to yourself, you know, I'd like to meet a woman.

01:44:24.180 I'd like to, you know, be a man of stature kind of to quote John Mulaney.

01:44:29.780 Yeah.

01:44:30.400 I do.

01:44:30.760 I just love talking to women.

01:44:32.400 Yeah.

01:44:32.620 I love women.

01:44:33.460 Well now see, do you think it's increased your ability to speak to women on the regular

01:44:37.420 or do you think it, you still kind of compartmentalize it in one and the other, like your show and

01:44:42.640 then meeting a woman in the wild?

01:44:44.040 I do think I've always, I think I've always been good at talking to women, but I think

01:44:49.560 it was more of in a, in a friend zone type of way.

01:44:53.040 Definitely in a friend zone type of way.

01:44:54.280 Now I think I talk to women and at least they like look at me as remotely some sort of a

01:44:58.560 sexual object, which is nice.

01:45:00.480 But I would, I would say that I was actually watching a Chris Rock, uh, standup.

01:45:04.260 Um, not even a standup.

01:45:05.220 He was on Fallon, I think like last week actually.

01:45:07.500 And he was saying he was trying to get with Rihanna once he got single and Rihanna didn't

01:45:10.820 even look at him as a sexual object.

01:45:13.160 She like uncleized him.

01:45:14.220 He said, that's almost how I kind of felt like it was back in the day.

01:45:17.340 Now I feel like at least I'm not being, I'm being sexualized.

01:45:22.140 Okay.

01:45:22.440 So now you, at least you have some sexual.

01:45:23.940 I think I got a, I got a fighting chance.

01:45:25.640 I got, I was going to battle without a sword.

01:45:27.140 Now I at least have a sword.

01:45:28.060 Right.

01:45:29.040 Which I'll take.

01:45:29.960 Right.

01:45:30.320 You were never Babe Ruth, but now you're at least Ruth.

01:45:33.200 Yeah.

01:45:33.720 Or Babe.

01:45:34.140 Babe Ruth, anybody.

01:45:35.320 Yeah.

01:45:35.500 I'll just be, I'll be a solid two 50 hitter, 20 home runs a year, 80 RBIs.

01:45:39.360 I'm happy with that.

01:45:40.200 Yeah.

01:45:40.580 I don't need to be Babe Ruth, but now I'm born with the battle.

01:45:43.160 I at least got a sword.

01:45:43.980 I got a hammer.

01:45:44.560 I got something with me.

01:45:45.600 Right.

01:45:47.160 Interesting, man.

01:45:48.380 Yeah.

01:45:48.700 I've just kind of been curious what that world's like.

01:45:50.860 It's a fun world.

01:45:52.040 Yeah.

01:45:52.560 I'm sure.

01:45:53.180 Well, look, I mean, you get to talk to women.

01:45:54.980 We get excited when we get women in here.

01:45:56.860 Yeah.

01:45:57.160 Then, then really they're all very, very cool.

01:45:59.400 They're cool chicks.

01:46:00.020 Yeah.

01:46:00.400 I have some, I have some close friends, uh, that are, are, uh, only fans or do only fans.

01:46:06.140 Um, it's kind of become a way that women.

01:46:10.400 Uh, can take the, you know, control of the sexual industry.

01:46:17.760 If they're involved in any form of the sexual industry or even just like an artistic element

01:46:21.640 of sex.

01:46:22.100 Yeah.

01:46:22.260 It doesn't even, honestly, it doesn't even need to be sex.

01:46:23.860 I know girls will do the cooking content on there.

01:46:26.040 Right.

01:46:26.220 Right.

01:46:26.420 I guess sexualized something.

01:46:28.440 A hundred percent.

01:46:28.840 And then if you're a good looking chick, like there's just so many of them that just

01:46:32.900 make so much money.

01:46:33.880 And like I said, really don't even post nudity.

01:46:35.660 Now, what about world?

01:46:37.020 What suggestions would you have?

01:46:37.920 Say that there's women that don't, that don't think of themselves as sexy women.

01:46:41.480 Right.

01:46:42.400 They don't think of themselves.

01:46:43.480 They see like a, you know, like one of these blonde kind of, uh, trying to think of some

01:46:49.320 A blonde bombshell.

01:46:50.600 Yeah.

01:46:50.860 A blonde bombshell.

01:46:51.320 A Margot Robbie.

01:46:52.300 Fucking Hermione Granger or whatever.

01:46:54.640 And you know, in a two piece or whatever.

01:46:56.480 And they're like, I can't be that.

01:46:58.620 Right.

01:46:58.920 How do they create an OnlyFans that could be marketable?

01:47:02.980 Well, that's what a lot of people say.

01:47:04.000 I mean, they're only, one of the beautiful things about OnlyFans is so many girls, there's

01:47:08.680 a market for everything I've learned.

01:47:10.100 Yeah.

01:47:10.420 Literally a market for everything.

01:47:11.600 So if you're not feeling maybe like a, maybe like Bo Derek, there's still probably guys

01:47:16.280 that are in the market for what, for what you're selling.

01:47:18.380 Yeah.

01:47:18.780 And that's just completely a fact.

01:47:20.740 I mean, one of my favorite questions to ask every guest, I'll ask every guest this,

01:47:23.300 is what is your most interesting, odd subscriber request you've come across from your subscribers?

01:47:28.920 And they all say the most ridiculous things.

01:47:32.080 There's, there's people out there that will like you for you no matter what.

01:47:35.060 There's, there's a, there's a category for everybody, I think.

01:47:36.800 And that that's, I've learned that.

01:47:38.520 Yes.

01:47:39.260 Do you think it's healthy for women to do OnlyFans?

01:47:41.800 Do you have, do you ever, do you gain any thought on it by getting to meet a lot of these

01:47:44.840 ladies?

01:47:45.160 And, uh, have you, what do you think about that?

01:47:48.220 I think it's, it's an interesting, it's interesting and it depends on the way they think about themselves

01:47:52.460 kind of like if there's a, there's a lot of girls that will, will complain to me about

01:47:56.880 they can't find a boyfriend because they're doing OnlyFans or something.

01:47:59.740 And I'll, I'll tell them all the time.

01:48:01.100 Like I say this all the time.

01:48:01.980 There was a point in, in my career at Barstool where so many comments about me were like

01:48:06.880 very, very mean.

01:48:08.020 And like, I would, I just thought to myself, I'm not going to like, I just going to stop

01:48:11.760 reading them because I, I don't want, I don't mean this to sound the wrong way, but

01:48:15.680 I think like probably if there's like some guy, and these are also people that are commenting

01:48:20.240 super mean shit about me on Twitter.

01:48:21.960 So that guy probably is more mad at himself.

01:48:23.800 I guess he doesn't like himself and he's just deflecting that onto me to be mean to

01:48:26.980 me.

01:48:27.500 So I, I'm telling the girls that I'm, I always tell them even off camera, I'm telling them

01:48:31.780 if someone is being mean to you, calling you, let's say a whore about for being on

01:48:35.980 OnlyFans, they're probably just jealous that they can't do what you do, that they don't

01:48:39.180 have that opportunity to do what you do.

01:48:40.980 Cause let me tell you the, the money they make and what they do, it's, it's unbelievable.

01:48:44.960 OnlyFans is like, it's a crazy platform.

01:48:46.420 And if you, and anyone that would make fun of them for doing that, I just think is great.

01:48:51.120 It's crazy.

01:48:51.820 They're, they're, they're geniuses.

01:48:53.840 I often say they're geniuses and they're literally geniuses.

01:48:56.400 Well, I mean, it's like, yeah, people will call you a whore.

01:48:59.680 They will call you a fat.

01:49:01.060 They will call you a piss baby or whatever.

01:49:05.880 But a lot of that is on them.

01:49:08.360 It's on them.

01:49:09.160 I've never, I've, I've often said this.

01:49:10.940 I've never wanted to talk shit about somebody that I didn't care about.

01:49:18.040 If that makes sense.

01:49:19.160 That you, yeah, you didn't have some, like, you know, there wasn't some ink intrigue.

01:49:24.460 Yes.

01:49:25.000 If there's like, I'll, I'll often see like maybe a, maybe a douchey looking dude with a

01:49:29.340 really hot girlfriend and he's tatted up and I'm like, ah, this fucking guy.

01:49:32.140 Yeah.

01:49:32.420 Like the OnlyFans girls, it's one thing I say, they love to fuck the inked guys.

01:49:35.620 The OnlyFans uptick is, was huge for the tattoo community.

01:49:38.680 Really?

01:49:38.960 They're all banging tattooed guys.

01:49:40.460 Wow.

01:49:40.900 Yeah.

01:49:41.080 It's crazy.

01:49:41.840 What is that?

01:49:42.580 You think?

01:49:43.280 I don't know.

01:49:44.060 What are tattooed guys?

01:49:45.100 Dude, you'd be shocked.

01:49:46.240 And I'll say this, a tattooed girl, pasty skin, you know what I'm saying?

01:49:51.300 That Boo Radley skin.

01:49:52.620 You're out on a girl, tattoo lady?

01:49:54.460 Hmm?

01:49:54.740 You're out on a girl tattoo?

01:49:55.900 Like a full sleeve?

01:49:56.920 You don't find that attractive?

01:49:58.120 Oh, yeah, yeah, I do.

01:49:58.940 I mean, I like that, you know, if there's a pasty, like, you know, some girl who's just

01:50:06.460 like, oh, dang, I'm, oh, you know, fuck, I'm ready.

01:50:12.420 Yeah, they're intimidating gals, but the dudes, the girls love tattooed guys.

01:50:17.320 Every guy they're fucking is, they got, they're basically, their dick is tattooed.

01:50:19.840 Well, you can also tattoo crazy stuff around your wiener that makes it seem awesome.

01:50:23.420 You could tattoo, like, a large dick, you know, four inches ahead, you know, like, like,

01:50:28.640 like, uh, you know, stop, you know, turn around here for more.

01:50:32.400 Dude, have you ever seen the show Gigolos by any chance on Showtime?

01:50:35.380 Oh, it's fantastic.

01:50:36.440 It's great television.

01:50:37.240 It was like a lot, it was basically a, I think a fake reality show that was on Showtime.

01:50:41.280 I found it after dark one night in high school.

01:50:43.240 And just these four Gigolos hanging out in Vegas and fucking chicks doing their job.

01:50:47.420 One of the guys on that show, Nick Hawk, he had the tattoo where it was basically almost

01:50:51.220 like Venom from the Spider-Man movies was taking over half his body.

01:50:54.860 So, like, all of this was tattooed just black, like Venom was taking over him, and it

01:50:59.180 went all the way down to the tip of his dick.

01:51:00.880 Like, literally a shaft was tattooed.

01:51:03.700 Full shaft.

01:51:04.640 Wow.

01:51:05.120 Yeah.

01:51:06.220 You know, a lot of men that are secretly gay will ask their wife to get like, um, um,

01:51:15.220 butt cheeks tattooed around their vagina.

01:51:18.080 Really?

01:51:19.020 Yeah.

01:51:20.820 I guess, I guess it kind of makes sense, you know?

01:51:23.180 Yeah.

01:51:23.860 A vagina tattoo sounds pretty rough, though.

01:51:25.880 That's almost worse than a dick tattoo.

01:51:26.860 A dick tattoo, I know for a fat you got to stay hard for.

01:51:28.860 Or they'll have them write like, this is a butt and like point at it or something, you know?

01:51:33.100 Anyway, I just.

01:51:33.660 It's not down there.

01:51:34.260 It's up there.

01:51:34.640 Yeah.

01:51:35.380 It's just interesting.

01:51:37.420 Um, what are some like moments like working with like as a sidekick with Caleb, what has

01:51:41.940 it been like?

01:51:42.740 Has there been some unique moments?

01:51:43.900 Like he told us about a time when you guys got to hang out with Aaron Rodgers all day.

01:51:47.360 Um, because yeah, we only see that, um, because yeah, we only see that.

01:51:51.080 Oh, that's you guys up there?

01:51:53.180 Yeah, that's my phone background.

01:51:55.300 Wow.

01:51:55.940 Dude, I mean like I can't, I've watched that clip a bunch of times from the show, but like

01:51:59.400 Caleb said, he, he was just the coolest, the coolest person I've probably ever come

01:52:04.620 in contact with.

01:52:05.200 He was amazing.

01:52:05.760 And he was, as Caleb said, he was like old school.

01:52:08.240 Cool.

01:52:08.540 It almost felt like you were hanging out with Frank Sinatra.

01:52:11.300 He just had that vibe about him.

01:52:12.720 And he was just the coolest guy and just amazing.

01:52:15.680 We hung out with him, drank for hours and could not have been nicer.

01:52:18.920 And just, he was a joy, but yeah, we've had some weird, some weird ones.

01:52:22.280 I mean, in the last year, I would say the two craziest things that we've done, thanks

01:52:26.620 to Caleb and just on the conversation, I guess I fucking sang rock star with Nickelback

01:52:30.320 on stage.

01:52:30.900 That was sick.

01:52:31.400 And then I want to be a rock star.

01:52:34.600 And, um, yeah, no, I mean the biggest one, which like, I still don't even let my brain

01:52:37.820 think about is fucking, we had a Drew Barrymore on Sunday conversation.

01:52:40.980 I kissed you Barrymore.

01:52:41.920 Oh, that's right.

01:52:42.620 You did, huh?

01:52:43.260 Fucking Drew Barrymore.

01:52:43.980 Did they make you do anything before?

01:52:46.140 Like, did they test your mouth?

01:52:47.300 Did they swab you?

01:52:48.240 Did they like frisk your jowls or whatever for anything?

01:52:51.360 So Drew walked in and I'm, I've always been a massive Drew Barrymore fan.

01:52:55.100 Probably my favorite actress.

01:52:55.980 I'm obsessed with Drew Barrymore.

01:52:57.120 Oh yeah.

01:52:57.640 She's like the hot Macaulay Culkin.

01:52:58.880 Me and my mom have been watching Wedding Singer together since I was a baby.

01:53:02.500 I love Drew Barrymore.

01:53:03.980 Just hearing her voice first, I heard her voice.

01:53:06.900 I was so starstruck.

01:53:09.180 And then Caleb, so Caleb has me this thing.

01:53:10.700 He says, we wrote a quick script at the end.

01:53:12.620 We're going to talk to Drew about it.

01:53:13.380 She walks in.

01:53:14.440 We say, okay, Drew, you and Glenn, you're going to do a quick skit at the end.

01:53:17.540 You're going to pretend you guys are at a restaurant in Australia because I was dressed like an Australian man.

01:53:21.860 And then it's saying, Drew says, oh no, I don't want to eat.

01:53:24.680 What I want is you.

01:53:26.040 And then it's like, go in for a kiss.

01:53:27.960 And we obviously tell her before, you don't have, you guys don't have to kiss.

01:53:31.320 But just like get up and like pretend to go in for a kiss.

01:53:33.680 But do whatever you want.

01:53:35.460 And then we're doing it.

01:53:36.460 This part got cut.

01:53:37.060 We're shooting the whole time and all the time sitting there saying, what's going to happen?

01:53:40.800 What's going to happen here?

01:53:41.840 And before I forgot what Caleb asked her, but she was basically saying in her acting career, she's never wanted to fake things.

01:53:47.240 And then I'm telling myself, does this mean Drew Barrymore is about to kiss me right now?

01:53:53.240 And the way she was talking, she kept saying how she never fakes things in acting.

01:53:57.520 And we started reading it.

01:53:58.560 And as you see there, she got up out of her chair and then came up and sat still like right in front of me and then said in a line.

01:54:04.720 And then she went in for a kiss and then we kissed.

01:54:05.980 And I just said to myself, I just fucking kissed Drew Barrymore.

01:54:10.760 That's otherworldly.

01:54:11.820 Drew Barrymore is up for echelons.

01:54:14.580 Fucking Drew Barrymore, dude.

01:54:15.620 And then we fucking, Caleb told her, well, not that we just did this for fun.

01:54:19.400 We had to.

01:54:20.000 We had, as you see in the clip too, we had to like get a shot of us both going in directly.

01:54:23.800 So we had to get the cameras closer.

01:54:25.220 So we did, we had to shoot it again.

01:54:26.420 And she did it again.

01:54:27.220 Oh my God.

01:54:27.680 I kissed her twice.

01:54:29.040 Now the second time you have to feel like you're in like a little relationship.

01:54:32.280 I did.

01:54:32.800 I said to myself, am I about to go to dinner with Drew Barrymore?

01:54:35.080 Am I about to, am I about to date Drew Barrymore?

01:54:38.000 I would be so down to date Drew Barrymore.

01:54:40.200 Like so, so, so down to date Drew Barrymore.

01:54:42.380 Oh man.

01:54:43.840 And I know I was pretty excited when she posted on Instagram.

01:54:46.260 I think she posted that clip and she tagged me before Caleb.

01:54:48.900 No big deal.

01:54:49.800 She seems really cool.

01:54:50.620 She seems like she's gotten into the, uh, like the podcast, social media space.

01:54:56.820 Like she gets it, you know?

01:54:58.000 Yeah.

01:54:58.220 She was just so nice.

01:54:58.920 I think there's some people that are like getting real, like really late to the train

01:55:01.100 of like being okay with doing social media.

01:55:03.340 She was so nice.

01:55:04.080 And I will say, which is kind of shocking.

01:55:05.760 Now we've never really had a mean guest per se.

01:55:07.720 I think as the guests get bigger and bigger, I'm noticing there's a reason why they get,

01:55:12.420 why they're so big.

01:55:13.540 And I think it's because they're just like good people.

01:55:15.840 Like everyone is just so nice.

01:55:17.900 There's really no one that's mean.

01:55:19.760 Not that I want to be mean, but like they're all just exceedingly nice.

01:55:23.520 Like overbearingly nice.

01:55:25.020 She was amazing.

01:55:26.060 Like Drake was so nice to us.

01:55:27.740 Rogers was so nice to us.

01:55:28.940 Yeah.

01:55:29.060 He told us about that.

01:55:30.360 What about, um, who was one that you didn't get to spend time with?

01:55:33.420 So there's a, there's a difference between a lot of them will be, well, like Caleb said

01:55:38.780 on when he was on here, like the, well, they'll book it.

01:55:41.140 Our book, people will book it.

01:55:42.180 And then they'll just be in and out like ice cube walked in and walked out.

01:55:45.700 Um, Kodak black walked in and walked out.

01:55:48.560 Then people we've hung out with and we hung out with Rogers a lot.

01:55:52.320 Drake took us to dinner.

01:55:54.480 Um, who were some other good ones?

01:55:56.460 We just bro down with, let's see.

01:55:59.700 Drew, Drew left after, but I mean, it was Drew, Drew Bradmore.

01:56:02.260 She, she's left.

01:56:02.920 Steven a left after what are some other good hangs?

01:56:05.860 We had Michael Irvin hung out with us for a little bit, but yeah, he seems really entertaining.

01:56:10.000 I would like to see, uh, Paul, uh, um, I would like to see on there.

01:56:15.560 Um, Joey B would be good.

01:56:17.880 Oh, Joe borrow.

01:56:18.740 Yeah.

01:56:19.000 Yeah.

01:56:19.140 I think he'd be great.

01:56:19.940 Um, my current, uh, dream one, I think is probably Larry David.

01:56:24.600 Yeah.

01:56:24.960 I think Larry David would not only be like a lot of a few guests are mean to me, which

01:56:27.940 is fine.

01:56:28.340 I don't really care.

01:56:29.000 I think Larry David would both be mean to me and Caleb and he would just kind of take it

01:56:32.140 over, which I think would be hilarious.

01:56:33.400 Yeah.

01:56:33.780 And I think kind of my other, I know he's going to, I think he's going through stuff right

01:56:36.840 now, but I think Jamie Foxx would be really funny.

01:56:38.940 I think Jamie Foxx would be a great one.

01:56:40.800 So I guess those are my current white whales.

01:56:42.700 Yeah.

01:56:43.160 I think, uh, who else I would love to have on here is, um, uh, Quaid, Randy Quaid.

01:56:49.600 Ooh.

01:56:50.140 I think it'd be amazing.

01:56:51.300 You guys, Dustin Poirier would be great on your show.

01:56:53.280 I think, uh, Caleb might try to get him next year.

01:56:56.440 Um, Randy Quaid, where'd you get that from?

01:56:58.700 He's just like, I, he's just so, I, I just, I don't know.

01:57:02.420 I just wonder about his journey, what he's been up to.

01:57:04.080 He's such like this iconic actor, um, and played such an iconic character in, uh, National

01:57:10.880 Lampoon.

01:57:12.100 I don't know.

01:57:12.620 I think I would just be intrigued.

01:57:13.680 Would he be your acting world?

01:57:15.180 Um, why will?

01:57:17.280 No, I'd probably go Julia Roberts first.

01:57:20.900 Respect.

01:57:21.640 Who doesn't love Julia Roberts?

01:57:23.060 God, dude, if I, oh, if she only knew what I would love to, if I just, I just want to

01:57:28.300 sit on a porch with her somewhere and watch her read something and watch, I think a sweet

01:57:31.440 tea with her.

01:57:31.980 For some reason I could see her enjoying a sweet tea.

01:57:33.800 I don't think she'd let me sit that close to her, but that would be fine.

01:57:36.600 I picture a porch.

01:57:37.800 I picture a large porch, rocking chairs back and forth.

01:57:39.940 Like maybe the distance we're at right now.

01:57:41.760 Julia Roberts would be a cool one.

01:57:42.760 I really will.

01:57:43.420 I really would say for myself, I think in the actress realm, Drew Barrymore would have

01:57:46.440 been my pick.

01:57:47.400 I do believe that.

01:57:49.040 I mean, obviously like Sandler would be cool.

01:57:51.640 Oh yeah.

01:57:52.180 Sandler, Channing Tatum, I think would be good.

01:57:55.000 Tatum.

01:57:55.380 Um, who else?

01:57:56.660 Uh, but yeah, my top right now is like Larry David, Jamie Foxx, Sandler.

01:58:00.560 That'd be my top three.

01:58:01.560 I met Trump at the, um, UFCs.

01:58:05.100 Oh yeah.

01:58:05.540 Just like last week in Miami, right?

01:58:07.080 Yeah.

01:58:07.420 How was that?

01:58:08.640 It was interesting, man.

01:58:09.660 I mean, you're like, you know, I mean, I love being at UFC, right?

01:58:13.660 So it's like, for me, it is literally, it's like being like, you ever been, um, baptized

01:58:20.440 or whatever?

01:58:21.340 Yeah.

01:58:21.720 I got baptized.

01:58:22.220 It's like that.

01:58:22.940 Don't recall it.

01:58:23.680 But yeah, I mean, I, I feel like though, I've never been to UFC, but just the, the vibe

01:58:27.060 of it, how they just have everybody there, which just seems like one big, I guess for

01:58:30.520 you, obviously just an interesting VIP party.

01:58:33.720 It's a who's, it's almost like, uh, like the Oscars for cool guys.

01:58:38.620 If that makes sense.

01:58:39.660 It feels like it's the who's who of actually who has some fucking nuts, you know, that's

01:58:44.260 what it feels like a little bit.

01:58:45.160 And I'm not even saying me, but it feels like, you know, that's the energy that Dana has,

01:58:49.780 you know?

01:58:50.140 Yes.

01:58:50.380 Um, you know, I got to talk to him for like maybe 12 minutes, just even talk about like

01:58:55.120 some work stuff and like, uh, you know, and he's had a lot of great success and what he

01:59:00.500 was sharing and stuff like that.

01:59:01.840 And so that was really cool.

01:59:03.380 How to work with advertisers, some business stuff, but then like kid rock is there.

01:59:09.260 He rolls in with Trump, you know, we're in like Dana White's dress green room.

01:59:14.160 Right.

01:59:14.660 And I've been trying to do some like, um, maybe some social media stuff with UFC.

01:59:19.160 So it was my first time like doing some of that, but I get to be backstage by the fighters.

01:59:23.500 You know, it's like, you're getting baptized, but right when you come up, two dudes are beating

01:59:27.300 the fuck out of each other.

01:59:28.320 Right.

01:59:28.800 Yeah.

01:59:29.260 So it's like that, bro.

01:59:31.000 And, uh, yeah, there's just so much going on.

01:59:33.680 You turn this way.

01:59:34.400 Somebody said, because they've, you know, they're, they're going through defeat and agony this

01:59:38.000 way.

01:59:38.240 Somebody's a hero this way there, you know, they, somebody just flatline this way.

01:59:42.900 There's like some, uh, a, a, a ring model trying on a new top this way.

01:59:48.280 There's, uh, Joe Burrow in, uh, the Bosa boys.

01:59:51.160 Justin Jefferson was there.

01:59:52.180 I think.

01:59:52.540 Yeah.

01:59:52.700 I saw a bunch of people there this way.

01:59:54.440 There's, um, it's just some lady that's there that has the biggest tits ever.

01:59:58.300 Right.

01:59:58.580 And it's like, she has some Jack dude is literally carrying one of her tits.

02:00:02.100 Probably tatted up.

02:00:03.000 Oh, he was so tatted.

02:00:03.920 Of course he was.

02:00:04.660 And she can't even carry both tits.

02:00:06.040 So she's balanced and he's literally carrying the other.

02:00:08.440 I want to be that guy.

02:00:09.200 I want that job.

02:00:09.860 Oh, it was.

02:00:10.460 So it just, there's so much going on, but then Trump rolled in and, um, it was just interesting.

02:00:16.020 You know, you get, you got, I'd never met a president before and I'd never met Donald

02:00:19.820 Trump's before.

02:00:20.940 Now, don't take us the wrong way, but do you, he, did he know who you were?

02:00:24.300 No, he didn't.

02:00:25.400 His son knows, uh, knows me, Donald Jr.

02:00:28.300 And, um, I don't know if his other son, Eric knew or not, but it was just interesting.

02:00:33.200 You know, Mike, him and Mike Tyson rolled in at the same time.

02:00:35.740 I'm assuming him, he's going to this event.

02:00:37.040 I mean, everybody's going to just be there and he's going to have to say, kind of make it

02:00:39.980 seem like he knows you no matter who he's talking to because he, where he is, everybody

02:00:43.800 is, I guess, of notoriety now as a, as a person that gets to go to those things, do you, would

02:00:49.240 you say you're more excited going into the night to see the fights or to just the spectacle

02:00:53.020 of it?

02:00:53.780 Oh, I think the fights, uh, for sure.

02:00:56.860 Yeah.

02:00:57.140 I've never been to one where you're that close up, that close up.

02:00:59.560 That seems like kind of a, once you go there, you can't sit, can't sit up high.

02:01:04.000 Yeah.

02:01:04.380 I mean, I think I, I would just to see the fights, but it definitely, I felt real fortunate,

02:01:09.300 you know, uh, to go and yeah, you're just seeing these guys and like, when they're putting

02:01:14.520 it on the line, you know, like I think in a lot of ways, comedians, uh, strippers, um,

02:01:22.640 fighters, you know, anybody that does something that puts themselves out there there, you're

02:01:28.840 all trying to gain, like to be seen in some way, you know, some, you're all using something

02:01:33.620 you have to attract, uh, to get acceptance kind of in a way.

02:01:39.340 A hundred percent.

02:01:39.940 I mean, that's, I mean, I've never done set up.

02:01:41.340 That's one thing I always tell myself.

02:01:42.480 I, if I ever go to a comedy club or my friends send a clip of somebody doing set up, I will

02:01:47.060 never say anything bad about anybody in set up.

02:01:49.960 If you have the balls to get up there, all power to you.

02:01:52.320 Yeah.

02:01:52.680 I think all power to you.

02:01:54.640 Yeah.

02:01:54.940 That's how I am about fighters.

02:01:56.000 I think, because it's just so like, I always had a tough time defending myself when I was a

02:02:00.420 kid.

02:02:00.620 And so, you know, I didn't feel like I had protection and shit.

02:02:02.920 So you get to see these guys who were doing it and then, and find out the different reasons

02:02:07.100 that they're doing it.

02:02:07.980 And it's all, to me, it's real fascinating.

02:02:09.960 Did you get into a lot of fights growing up?

02:02:11.240 No, I got into maybe six fights.

02:02:14.460 Ooh, that's hot.

02:02:16.900 And, uh, we had a lot of brothers in the area too.

02:02:19.160 So every now and then a brother will flare up out of nowhere, you know, and you'll be in

02:02:22.060 a fight.

02:02:23.000 But, um, but yeah, but it was, it was, it was interesting.

02:02:27.860 And Trump's just like, you're good.

02:02:29.000 How are you doing?

02:02:29.900 You're doing good.

02:02:30.620 He's in president mode.

02:02:31.740 Yeah.

02:02:31.920 You're great.

02:02:32.540 You're doing great.

02:02:33.680 Your parents are doing good.

02:02:35.180 You know?

02:02:35.500 It's with the parents.

02:02:36.260 It was just, he's so like, yeah, he said, you know, I was like, my dad's been dead for

02:02:40.060 like 22 years.

02:02:41.160 And he's like, but before that he was doing great.

02:02:44.960 He's in parents.

02:02:47.060 I'm like, you know what?

02:02:48.060 He was.

02:02:49.280 He was doing great before that.

02:02:51.300 He's just so funny.

02:02:52.120 I kind of like, I was like, you know, I appreciate that.

02:02:54.840 That was worth the price of admission.

02:02:56.100 That was better than any fight you're going to see.

02:02:58.240 But yeah, he's, yeah, he's just funny.

02:03:00.260 But it was fun though, man.

02:03:01.240 It was just, that was, that was a spectacle.

02:03:03.540 And, uh, yeah, to get to meet like Joe, bro.

02:03:06.340 And then to get to listen to Dana and get to just be in the, see all the fans.

02:03:10.340 It was great.

02:03:11.200 Um, what else?

02:03:12.640 Let's get into some news.

02:03:13.460 What do we got?

02:03:13.960 Zach E.

02:03:16.520 This is the story we were talking about earlier.

02:03:18.140 There's a teacher in Oregon who's, uh, on leave right now because he assigned the students

02:03:23.120 in class to write their sexual fantasy for, for a report.

02:03:28.200 Did he not check with anybody else before he did this?

02:03:30.800 You can, uh, read it for yourself right here.

02:03:33.360 Let me zoom in there.

02:03:34.440 Can you read it?

02:03:35.240 Yeah.

02:03:36.280 For those students who are absent, you will write a short story or paragraph or two stories

02:03:40.220 of sexual fantasy that will have no penetration of any kind or oral sex.

02:03:44.160 So no way of passing an ICD.

02:03:45.720 You will choose three items, romantic music, candles, massage oil, feather, or boa flavored

02:03:51.920 syrup to use your story.

02:03:53.280 Your story should show that you can show, uh, how you go about receiving love and affection

02:03:58.260 without having sex.

02:04:01.800 Uh, I don't think that's that bad, right?

02:04:04.100 It's only worth 10 points.

02:04:05.940 It says 10 points for, I wonder how much of the whole semester though, but that's not

02:04:11.640 horrible.

02:04:12.000 I mean, you're not, there is no pen.

02:04:13.160 I guess if you have to say no penetration or oral sex, then it's not that great because

02:04:16.940 you're in school.

02:04:17.440 But that sounds kind of fun.

02:04:20.000 Yeah.

02:04:20.300 Look, I think I'm not sure.

02:04:21.820 Like, I think 40 years ago, I could see them doing this in school.

02:04:25.920 This sounds like something you'd read out of the seventies that happened, you know, like

02:04:29.460 when, like it was more like free love, I think.

02:04:32.860 And it was like, you know, tell us a, you know, write us a soft core romance novel, unless

02:04:39.120 they'd been reading something like this in school.

02:04:41.620 I mean, it's interesting because all kids are thinking about at this age or what a lot

02:04:45.960 of them are occupied by is sexual thoughts and energy fact, a hundred percent.

02:04:52.540 Like you have people, there's some kids, you pat them on the back hard enough and they will

02:04:56.460 ejaculate.

02:04:58.560 Yeah.

02:04:59.040 You know, and so you, it's like, that's just what's going on in their bodies.

02:05:05.560 So I wonder if there is good ways to do, to create like positive sexual, uh, works that

02:05:15.760 you're doing in school.

02:05:16.580 If there is going to be one, I mean, I guess it's that there's, there's, there's no, there's

02:05:19.680 no penetration or oral.

02:05:20.940 You could do a romantic, a romantic tune, maybe some of the weekend or something like

02:05:24.400 that.

02:05:24.600 That's always fun.

02:05:25.660 And then, yeah, they, they mentioned the flavored syrup, the foods, maybe they could throw

02:05:28.820 in some oysters.

02:05:29.580 They didn't mention oysters there.

02:05:30.540 They could throw in some oysters.

02:05:31.600 Yeah.

02:05:32.020 It's not a bad idea.

02:05:33.080 Just maybe a home date, get some oysters, shuck them yourselves, get horny through that,

02:05:38.180 throw on the tunes.

02:05:39.420 That could be a paragraph or two for that class.

02:05:41.560 Yeah.

02:05:42.760 Yeah.

02:05:43.080 I think, yeah, that would be interesting.

02:05:44.300 And now I'll tell you this, everybody's going to show up to school to write, to re-listen

02:05:48.180 to other people's, but is it going to lead to people, you know, uh, sending each other,

02:05:56.160 you know, some people doing semen on a piece of paper and folding it up and, you know,

02:06:00.780 giving it some, or is it going to, you know, that Rorschach test?

02:06:03.320 I said, are they going to, are they going to come just from hearing the stories in class?

02:06:06.800 Right.

02:06:08.520 Maybe if there's a way to tell it properly, I would imagine you can't really tell it properly

02:06:12.780 though in school.

02:06:13.520 I would hope that's also not, not a project you're reading that loud.

02:06:16.680 That sounds like a teacher only.

02:06:18.700 But if the teacher only is reading it, to me, that has hella perv vibes, dude.

02:06:23.700 And then how do you know who's getting an A and who's getting a D?

02:06:27.360 Yeah.

02:06:28.440 What differentiates that one?

02:06:30.180 Yeah.

02:06:30.600 And if anybody gets a D, that guy's going to jail.

02:06:33.340 Yeah.

02:06:33.740 Maybe the most beautiful girl in class is walking out with an A plus and I'm walking in there

02:06:36.800 with a D.

02:06:37.500 It's not a good look.

02:06:38.640 Even though my grammar may have been better.

02:06:40.780 Dude, I remember somebody threatened a Spanish teacher in our bathroom and, and threatened

02:06:47.020 to beat the shit out of him if they didn't get a B and he gave him a B.

02:06:50.440 Oh, really?

02:06:50.940 I wonder how often that, I wonder how often stuff like that actually works with teachers.

02:06:56.080 My high school, my high school, there was like, we had tests at the end of every trimester

02:07:02.520 that was worth about 30% of our grade.

02:07:04.760 And then the average of those three trimesters was half of it.

02:07:08.980 Then the other half was comps.

02:07:10.380 And the end of the year test would be 50% of our grade.

02:07:12.860 So my buddy literally at the end of senior year or junior year, whenever you're applying

02:07:17.420 to colleges, he was so, I was bad at math.

02:07:20.180 He took it to a new level.

02:07:21.860 He would be, he would truly average.

02:07:23.540 I think his average was like a 45.

02:07:24.660 He's an idiot.

02:07:25.160 One of my best friends.

02:07:25.980 Oh yeah.

02:07:26.380 Great voice.

02:07:27.440 Great singer.

02:07:27.940 One of my best friends.

02:07:28.580 But he was really bad at math.

02:07:30.420 Great singer.

02:07:31.380 Great singer now.

02:07:32.340 Yes.

02:07:32.720 Two times seven is nine.

02:07:35.860 He's got a great, he sings a grudge, 90s.

02:07:37.960 But yeah.

02:07:39.080 And he legitimately wrote a paragraph to the teacher at the end on the last thing saying,

02:07:44.560 I really don't want to go to community college.

02:07:46.040 Like, please, for the love of God, pass me.

02:07:47.580 You got passed.

02:07:48.220 Wow.

02:07:48.720 Yeah.

02:07:49.220 There's something about it.

02:07:50.200 Look, there's a way sometimes, you know, to get things done.

02:07:53.040 And some people are able to do that.

02:07:54.760 I think in this instance, man, I feel like this is something you do in college.

02:07:58.700 I feel like it's a little risque to do it in high school.

02:08:01.680 Um, I think it would be fine probably.

02:08:05.260 But then also if I'm a high school kid, dude, I'm jerking off, dude.

02:08:09.460 You know, the second I get this assignment, I'm jerking, the whole time I'm doing it.

02:08:13.680 You know, if a girl, if I try to write homework with a friend, I'm going to try, you know.

02:08:17.680 I also show up.

02:08:18.240 This is ninth period class, not a first period class.

02:08:20.160 I want to go directly home after this.

02:08:22.100 Not a first, I'm actually getting this first period.

02:08:23.840 You got to hear some erotica at 9 a.m.

02:08:27.000 Yeah.

02:08:28.280 A little bathroom break.

02:08:29.320 Yeah, you just roll another hall with a mouthful of sprees.

02:08:32.220 Nah, this has got to be ninth period.

02:08:33.420 This has got to be last period.

02:08:34.900 Dude, you have a mouthful of fucking sweet tarts.

02:08:37.200 You're just rocked up.

02:08:38.200 And then everyone's probably walking around the hallway saying who had the best sex story of the day.

02:08:41.580 And everyone's exchanging sex stories.

02:08:43.280 So true.

02:08:43.820 This seems to be a ninth period type of thing.

02:08:45.400 Wow.

02:08:45.780 It's interesting.

02:08:46.740 But then also it's like who could become a graphic novelist, you know.

02:08:50.200 And this is where they start and this is where they learn that they have that ability.

02:08:54.200 What else we got, Zach?

02:08:55.520 Well, you mentioned The Weeknd.

02:08:56.680 This is a big deal.

02:08:57.600 Well, AI generated a fake song of Drake and The Weeknd, which is, I guess a lot of people in the industry are very concerned by this, obviously.

02:09:06.040 Because I can't play the song, but if you hear it, it's pretty, it sounds like it's an actual track from these guys.

02:09:11.800 Really?

02:09:12.200 So someone has said AI create a fake Weeknd Drake collab.

02:09:15.440 Yes.

02:09:15.900 Well, you got to shut AI down, dude.

02:09:17.740 It's freaking me out.

02:09:18.820 Okay.

02:09:19.020 So the people are just saying, hey, make this video, make this song.

02:09:21.940 It can do it.

02:09:23.060 It can.

02:09:23.700 I can't confirm.

02:09:24.500 Like, I actually, I don't know if he wants me to say this because we didn't put it in.

02:09:27.900 I don't know if he showed you this either.

02:09:30.320 But for Drake, Caleb made, used AI to make a Drake something conversation song.

02:09:36.060 And then we played it for him.

02:09:37.580 And he, like, enjoyed it.

02:09:39.140 Like, it sounded like Drake.

02:09:41.440 And it was a full song that Caleb wrote.

02:09:44.080 And it was a full Drake song.

02:09:45.800 It was, like, a legit rap.

02:09:46.840 So Caleb wrote it, though.

02:09:48.200 So AI didn't write it.

02:09:49.500 No, Caleb wrote it.

02:09:50.740 But, like, on whatever the technology was, it was literally sounded like Drake doing a whole rap.

02:09:55.980 There was a beat, rap.

02:09:57.360 It was, like, Sunday conversation.

02:09:58.840 Shout out, Caleb Glenn.

02:09:59.680 Like, all that.

02:10:00.740 So what could we put in right now?

02:10:02.240 Could we put something in AI?

02:10:03.880 We could put in, like, a prompt, like, a writing prompt.

02:10:07.320 Could we put, like, have Glennie Bowles give a wedding speech?

02:10:13.140 You could do something like that?

02:10:14.160 Yeah.

02:10:14.620 The chat GPT thing.

02:10:16.040 Yeah, that thing you can.

02:10:17.680 I experienced this for the first time, like, last month.

02:10:20.260 Yeah, we think a lot about this stuff.

02:10:21.900 It's just, like, I find that the stuff you get a lot of times, it just feels like a dumb version of something.

02:10:28.000 It feels like kind of a ripoff.

02:10:30.540 Of the AI stuff?

02:10:31.480 Of whatever you're creating.

02:10:32.360 Yeah, if I say, can I get a Glennie Bowles, like, restaurant review or whatever, it's like, uh.

02:10:36.780 Well, there's going to be no personality.

02:10:38.120 Right.

02:10:38.280 It's a goddamn computer doing it.

02:10:39.580 So I definitely get it.

02:10:41.280 But, I mean, if you want to, I feel like if you're writing in WorkToad, you can probably pull it off.

02:10:45.560 Like, we know when people start off work emails saying, kind regards.

02:10:48.720 What's your point?

02:10:49.400 Or, hey, all.

02:10:50.340 Stuff like that.

02:10:51.200 Maybe people like that, like, people working for tax firms can get away with it.

02:10:56.180 Right.

02:10:56.780 Do this.

02:10:57.400 Do these taxes, maybe?

02:10:58.580 Yeah, like a wedding speech right now.

02:10:59.800 If you're going to have me do a wedding speech, I want to imagine, actually, I'm going to be the best man at a wedding in October for the first time.

02:11:04.340 So I've got to give a speech.

02:11:05.340 I've been thinking about it.

02:11:06.420 I want to personalize it to the couple, you know?

02:11:08.540 Right.

02:11:08.980 I want to make it homey.

02:11:11.040 Let's see what it would be.

02:11:13.420 Do you want to read it?

02:11:14.260 I'll read it, yeah.

02:11:15.340 Yeah, I mean, read some.

02:11:16.260 Yeah.

02:11:17.220 Oh, wait, can you just go?

02:11:18.080 Sorry.

02:11:18.200 What's up, everybody?

02:11:19.360 It's your boy, Glennie Balls.

02:11:20.520 Today is a special day because we're here to celebrate the love between these two amazing people.

02:11:25.060 I feel honored to be standing here in front of all of you to give this speech, but let me tell you, I am a little nervous.

02:11:30.680 I mean, I'm used to being in front of cameras before, but this is a whole different ballgame.

02:11:34.500 First of all, I want to congratulate the happy couple.

02:11:36.480 You guys are awesome, and I'm so happy for you both.

02:11:38.980 I remember when you first told me about you two, and I could just tell right away that you were meant to be together.

02:11:42.980 You just have this connection, this spark that's undeniable, and now here you are about to embark on this amazing journey together as husband and wife.

02:11:52.160 To me, what does it feel like to you so far?

02:11:55.100 It feels like a cookie-cutter wedding speech.

02:11:59.520 And it goes, I have to admit, when I was asked to give this speech, I wasn't sure what to say.

02:12:03.100 I mean, what do you say at a wedding?

02:12:04.240 But then I realized it's actually pretty simple.

02:12:06.360 You just have to speak from the heart, and that's exactly what I'm going to do.

02:12:09.140 Yeah, this keeps going.

02:12:09.760 Yeah, it sounds like somebody trying to get through an essay that has the original four good sentences.

02:12:15.900 As someone that has to do a best man speech in October, I might use this and just add a little bit, find different things I could put in there, because that does sound pretty damn good.

02:12:26.200 It's a good point, and now that's one thing about just life.

02:12:29.380 It's doing one in your voice now, in the voice of Theo Vaughn.

02:12:35.240 Because I think the more search someone has online, the better it's going to be at writing one.

02:12:41.320 Okay, I'll read the beginning.

02:12:42.320 Go back.

02:12:44.060 What's up, y'all?

02:12:44.640 It's your boy Theo Vaughn in the house.

02:12:46.740 Oh, it's a cat, dude.

02:12:47.780 That's horrible.

02:12:48.720 I've got to say, I'm honored to be here today celebrating the union of these two beautiful people.

02:12:52.480 Y'all know I've been to some wild weddings in my time, but this one takes the cake.

02:12:56.760 And speaking of cake, I hope there's going to be some good eats up in here tonight.

02:13:00.520 Jesus Christ.

02:13:01.320 Tell me it, brother.

02:13:02.240 I think I switched it.

02:13:03.080 Bro, they made me sound like a freaking black guy.

02:13:09.660 I mean, I appreciate that.

02:13:11.300 Dude, I love that.

02:13:12.220 I don't know if you hit shift B and freaking gave me the hashtag bold.

02:13:15.740 People send this stuff up.

02:13:16.820 I can say fans send in A.I.

02:13:19.300 Theo Vaughn voice every day.

02:13:21.320 Every single day.

02:13:21.760 To me, it's fine, but it's just like if you want.

02:13:25.500 But you're all right that it gives you the bare bones of something.

02:13:28.280 It feels like it'll give us a good talking point, a list of talking points.

02:13:31.500 And I literally may use that.

02:13:33.280 It's a nice bare bones way to start.

02:13:36.720 If I can marry it, I'll do it for vows.

02:13:38.400 I think you know.

02:13:39.120 This could definitely be a lot for if you're doing papers in college, if you're doing something

02:13:43.480 for the boss, like or, you know, some pretty generic stuff where all you're doing is just

02:13:47.880 kind of get checking a box anyway.

02:13:49.580 Where it should be literally sound computerized.

02:13:51.540 It's about to sound computerized.

02:13:52.720 Right.

02:13:53.500 100%.

02:13:53.860 That's a good call.

02:13:54.620 For anybody that's still having to do like just basic stuff that doesn't even really

02:13:58.000 matter, but it does because it's checking a box.

02:14:00.880 I feel like that could probably be really something of use to you.

02:14:04.200 But then more than ever, having some sort of personality is going to be a value.

02:14:09.120 Yeah, I mean, there's no reason why if I was doing a normal work, let's say I had to report

02:14:13.940 to a higher up after a good week of work, why don't I just put in there great week of

02:14:18.120 work for everybody on the team with Melissa, Kelsey, and Bill, and then just copy and paste

02:14:24.720 it, personalize it with myself, bing, bing, boom, send it out, I'm done.

02:14:27.520 Oh, every Civil War paper from school is going to be done here.

02:14:32.340 It's like any war, any history papers, it's a wrap.

02:14:35.340 Yeah, does it do like stuff like that?

02:14:37.800 Can you just write, can I have a 300 word summary of the Civil War?

02:14:41.920 Yeah.

02:14:42.740 Whoa.

02:14:43.540 They should do the sexual fantasy prompt to it and have it right for the kids.

02:14:47.900 See, now if you're on there though, and let's say someone on there is on there in Wisconsin

02:14:51.020 and types in the same exact thing, are you getting the same exact answer?

02:14:53.780 Well, let, yes, that's the problem.

02:14:55.840 Okay.

02:14:56.120 Let's do the sexual thing for the children.

02:14:59.240 And that's, somebody's going to clip that out.

02:15:02.080 That's going to be the bane of my existence.

02:15:05.340 Let's do the sexual thing for the children.

02:15:07.300 I'll go down with you.

02:15:08.540 Bro, no, we just fucking, bro, it's so hard to talk anymore because they're just, people

02:15:14.720 is just making everything out of any moment.

02:15:18.940 I have to manually write it because it's a screen grab.

02:15:21.300 I can't like copy and paste it.

02:15:22.680 So check back on this towards the end.

02:15:24.440 Give us another topic and then we'll get back to it at the end.

02:15:27.520 What else happened?

02:15:28.220 What's something big in the headlines?

02:15:30.740 Oh, wasn't, I saw that there's that Chinese sun.

02:15:33.320 Did you see that article somewhere, Zach?

02:15:36.300 You know what I'm talking about?

02:15:37.180 Yeah.

02:15:37.480 Chinese artificial sun breaks new world record by burning hot plasma for nearly seven minutes.

02:15:43.540 Now this is interesting.

02:15:44.520 That's some Spider-Man 2 type shit.

02:15:46.000 That's what Doc Ock was doing.

02:15:47.320 Get us to the beginning of it, Zach.

02:15:49.640 All right.

02:15:50.100 Yes, you read that correctly.

02:15:51.180 The country has a huge device.

02:15:52.800 China has a huge device that has been able to generate a plasma temperature of 160 million

02:15:57.740 degrees Celsius for 20 seconds in the past.

02:16:01.660 Right?

02:16:02.120 So that's as hot as the sun, right?

02:16:03.920 I would say so.

02:16:05.380 That does not sound good.

02:16:06.960 If not, it's still really hot.

02:16:08.420 But that's 20 seconds in the past.

02:16:10.280 Can you zoom up?

02:16:11.960 Zoom down?

02:16:12.500 Sorry.

02:16:12.700 According to the Global Times, the East performed a high power, stable, steady state, long pulse,

02:16:21.700 high confinement mode plasma operation for a whopping 703 seconds now.

02:16:28.160 That's like six minutes.

02:16:29.440 Yeah.

02:16:29.740 Holy shit.

02:16:31.180 Bro, can you imagine?

02:16:32.140 That's how long it takes me to drive to the fucking deli and stuff, dude.

02:16:34.740 That's fucking insane.

02:16:36.060 Yeah.

02:16:36.420 That's enough time for you to drive to a deli.

02:16:38.840 106 minutes?

02:16:40.280 So imagine, say, it's like, dude, if China makes a fake sun.

02:16:44.920 I mean, that's the biggest weapon on the planet by far, obviously.

02:16:48.560 Unreal.

02:16:48.920 You give me fake sun against nuclear weapon, I'm going fake sun.

02:16:52.120 What if the nuclear weapon theoretically just disintegrate into the fake sun?

02:16:56.680 Well, dude, imagine they send a fake sun to fight a real sun.

02:17:02.120 Marvel's out of business.

02:17:03.000 What, are we going to strike back with the moon?

02:17:04.640 No.

02:17:05.440 No, the moon, I think, is low-key.

02:17:07.220 Yeah, dog.

02:17:07.900 No disrespect, but he's, I've heard, you know.

02:17:11.260 I heard we're going back, though.

02:17:12.400 People said a lot of things about him, but.

02:17:14.800 Fire always beats ice, which is a problem for us.

02:17:16.940 And they're first to the jump on fire.

02:17:19.740 Bro, imagine, though, you're already working all day in China, and now they're like, guess

02:17:23.240 what?

02:17:23.460 The day's over.

02:17:24.120 We got another day.

02:17:26.340 The sun's back.

02:17:28.040 The sun's back.

02:17:29.300 People are like, what the fuck?

02:17:30.380 But it's not big enough to go to the whole country.

02:17:33.080 It's going to be like eating your town specifically.

02:17:35.240 Just two extra hours per town?

02:17:37.120 You're, Beijing's just getting fucked up tonight with my son.

02:17:39.980 And then it goes over and around even nowhere.

02:17:42.560 Bro, imagine all the school kids going to be like, you are my sunshine, my only sunshine.

02:17:48.620 Dude, get home.

02:17:49.320 It's going to change all the songs.

02:17:50.820 Dude, they can't have another song.

02:17:51.940 That would be unfair.

02:17:52.580 The itsy bitsy spider went up the water spout.

02:17:57.760 That turned the sun.

02:17:59.360 Yeah.

02:17:59.760 Two times.

02:18:00.680 But now spiders are going to be anywhere.

02:18:03.380 It's a tough day for owls in China, huh?

02:18:06.160 Yeah.

02:18:06.800 Yeah, dude.

02:18:08.340 Owls, dude.

02:18:09.240 Owls out.

02:18:10.300 Owl of business, bro.

02:18:11.640 It's a wrap.

02:18:12.800 What are some other nocturnal animals?

02:18:14.580 I don't know many.

02:18:15.300 But dude, if they have a fake fucking sun, Zach.

02:18:19.060 Yeah, it's kind of a checkmate.

02:18:21.340 I don't know what's bigger than a checkmate of a fake sun, which I guess theoretically is a real sun.

02:18:26.100 But when you can, right.

02:18:27.200 But when you can create your people to work 20, when you have like no night, when you can have people work all day and then have a second group of people.

02:18:35.880 So your GDP is going to double.

02:18:37.680 So you're saying this sun is more of it's going to get more people to work.

02:18:40.580 I'm thinking the sun itself, just having a second sun is a weapon in itself.

02:18:44.960 Yeah.

02:18:45.300 I mean, you could say like they don't want us to get any sleep.

02:18:47.820 That's their first.

02:18:48.520 It's like we all go to bed and they're like, guess what?

02:18:50.620 Nevada, here's a sun at night.

02:18:52.440 You're like, oh, shit.

02:18:53.820 Here comes the Chinese sun.

02:18:54.880 I'm envisioning this is just like a burning thing.

02:18:56.980 If they're just throwing a ball of 160 million temperature Celsius at us, we're kind of fucked.

02:19:03.120 I don't know if you could throw a sun.

02:19:05.280 Well, I think you send it.

02:19:06.800 Yeah.

02:19:07.500 I feel like it's a guess, right?

02:19:09.060 It's going to be sponsored by Happy Dad, I bet.

02:19:11.040 Maybe.

02:19:12.100 I have no idea.

02:19:14.180 I have the fantasy if you want to read it.

02:19:16.180 All right.

02:19:16.920 So I abridged it slightly, but it's just write a short story in a paragraph or two.

02:19:21.800 No penetration of any kind or oral sex.

02:19:24.120 Choose three items to use.

02:19:26.140 So if anyone wants to read it.

02:19:28.180 I want you to read it.

02:19:28.820 This is your world.

02:19:29.800 All right.

02:19:30.720 She walked dimly.

02:19:31.840 She walked to the dimly lit room.

02:19:33.420 And this is a child.

02:19:34.180 Sorry.

02:19:34.700 And I just want to preface.

02:19:35.540 I'm sorry to interrupt you.

02:19:36.220 This is a child, your student, writing this to you.

02:19:39.540 You are the substitute teacher or you are the teacher.

02:19:42.300 Yes.

02:19:42.900 And you've had the kids write this paper.

02:19:45.540 She walked into the dimly lit room wearing nothing but a silk robe and high heels.

02:19:49.740 As she approached the bed, she reached into her pocket and pulled out a small

02:19:53.500 vibrating egg.

02:19:55.520 She turned it on and placed it on her on her clit, moaning softly on her CLIT as the

02:20:01.740 pleasure pulsed through her body.

02:20:03.600 Next, she picked up a feather and trailed it lightly over her skin, shivering at the

02:20:07.780 sensation.

02:20:08.200 Finally, she grabbed a bottle of warm oil and poured it over her B-R-E-A-S-T-S, rubbing

02:20:14.200 it in with her hands.

02:20:15.520 She closed her eyes and surrendered to the sensations, lost in her own pleasure.

02:20:19.700 Oh, sir, I need to go to the restroom.

02:20:21.520 Dude, I couldn't believe they dropped that four little word in there.

02:20:24.620 Bro, that, you know how many kids are in the hall fast?

02:20:28.220 Dude, that was, that was also, that was erotic.

02:20:31.400 GPT's horny.

02:20:32.320 Yeah.

02:20:32.880 That was, that AI guy is horny.

02:20:34.380 That was way more erotic than I think a lot of kids have turned it in.

02:20:36.580 But you know what is almost kind of nice about this?

02:20:39.880 The feather lightly over the skin.

02:20:41.720 You know, that is, this is something that I kind of miss.

02:20:45.240 I miss reading in the pornography magazine.

02:20:48.640 You would read the article, because all you had was an image.

02:20:50.940 So you had to read to make the image come to life, you know?

02:20:55.240 Yeah, the few, I will say the few times I've, no, I haven't been recently, but back in the

02:20:58.880 day, I was a bit of a Reddit jerk off guy.

02:21:00.800 And Reddit, there was a, there's like a whole thing called Gone Wild on Reddit where people

02:21:05.440 just like post nudes nonstop.

02:21:07.260 But I remember there was a Gone Wild, I forgot what it was called, maybe Gone Wild story or

02:21:12.920 something like that.

02:21:13.720 People would just write like erotic stories.

02:21:16.520 They're, they kind of get you going.

02:21:18.240 They rev you up.

02:21:19.460 Damn.

02:21:20.300 Oh yeah.

02:21:20.680 Well, there's something, yeah, you read it.

02:21:22.000 You're like, cause you know you have to get to the next sentence.

02:21:24.840 So your brain know you have to use your brain literally to get there.

02:21:29.080 Each word is another little moment and it's keeping you, dude, I mean, I remember I would

02:21:33.640 go to the library in our town and they had those, um, those art books from like the 1500s

02:21:41.500 or something.

02:21:41.800 Oh yeah.

02:21:42.540 With the, with the Rubenesque women.

02:21:46.300 Oh yeah.

02:21:47.120 The Rubenesque women.

02:21:47.780 Laying by a stream and there's a little angel above her.

02:21:50.140 Absolutely.

02:21:51.120 You know, when she's having a little, uh, little cut of pear, a little cut of apple or something.

02:21:55.720 Um, and she just got, you know, if that's your supply, you gotta get high on that supply.

02:22:00.220 Gosh, she's just all tit, bro.

02:22:01.800 Some of her tit is even heading for the riverbank.

02:22:04.040 You know, she's right on that riverbank where it's like, damn, that river's about to get

02:22:07.440 that tit.

02:22:08.240 I'm jealous, dude.

02:22:09.340 But yeah, I mean, that's a big thing with, I guess sex, if you're not actually having

02:22:12.820 sex, imagination of it is such a big deal.

02:22:15.360 And I guess through erotic stories, you just pop it off with imagination.

02:22:19.360 Well, that's kind of what I think the actual video pornography kills a lot of times.

02:22:23.720 And it's not a judgment against anybody that, I mean, I've, I've had addiction to it in

02:22:28.900 my life.

02:22:30.080 Um, but it does kill that part of your imagination.

02:22:33.740 The imagination is what activates your cells kind of.

02:22:37.560 I love the, I will actually say that people may think I'm lying here.

02:22:40.400 I would say probably half the time I masturbate.

02:22:42.980 I think I'm going imagination.

02:22:44.660 Wow.

02:22:45.560 Yeah.

02:22:46.180 Amen, brother.

02:22:47.000 I'll fucking.

02:22:47.660 Yeah.

02:22:48.080 Salute.

02:22:48.600 I enjoy the imagination.

02:22:49.960 Uh, masturbate.

02:22:51.040 I do.

02:22:51.240 Oh, dude, I used to take that book and I've discussed it before and I would literally

02:22:54.980 put a wiener in the book, in the library, in the library and close the book on it as

02:23:01.260 hard as I could.

02:23:02.460 That's what got you going?

02:23:04.700 Well, just, there was just something about just the pressure of it and I would, well,

02:23:09.280 it was so hard to find it because usually they had a picture of like a, bring up breast

02:23:12.980 up breast.

02:23:13.640 Oh, I guess it's the closest you could get to the, to the beautiful lady from 1400s.

02:23:17.640 Yeah.

02:23:17.980 Breast art from 1400s.

02:23:19.340 Bring it up.

02:23:19.680 That's very fair.

02:23:20.740 That's very, very fair.

02:23:22.260 Please.

02:23:23.120 So in your brain, you're just, you're just getting that as close as possible to the queen.

02:23:27.100 Oh, I would actually love to see one of these photos.

02:23:29.660 Yeah.

02:23:30.040 There we go.

02:23:31.320 Ooh, look at that lady.

02:23:33.120 But do by riverbank.

02:23:34.380 Oh yeah.

02:23:34.580 She's good.

02:23:35.060 Actually.

02:23:35.320 That's pretty.

02:23:35.700 That's not bad.

02:23:36.040 She looks cute.

02:23:37.340 There we go.

02:23:38.020 There's a couple of them.

02:23:38.760 I wonder how long the artist is sitting there doing this for.

02:23:40.960 I don't know, but I definitely, uh, and is she just sitting there topless the whole

02:23:47.080 time?

02:23:47.720 Yeah.

02:23:48.340 Yep.

02:23:48.980 And do by riverbank.

02:23:50.260 If you can.

02:23:56.860 Ooh, that's a party in the top left.

02:23:59.520 Yeah.

02:23:59.940 Now that's some angels in the woods.

02:24:01.220 Sometimes some of that was hard to find a breast in because of you just, I want the

02:24:05.160 immediate breast right by the river, you know, cause I think the river also offered a way

02:24:10.720 you felt like you could escape.

02:24:11.980 Once again, public.

02:24:13.180 Yeah.

02:24:13.720 Public point.

02:24:14.420 I want to see the tit and go.

02:24:15.480 I want to be on my way.

02:24:18.260 Um, but yeah, I would just close my body into that book because it was the only pornography

02:24:24.840 that we had.

02:24:25.580 It was what we had.

02:24:26.800 Yeah.

02:24:27.000 I mean, that earlier when you mentioning that, you would go five miles to get a, to get a,

02:24:30.760 your eyes and some porn.

02:24:31.840 Yeah.

02:24:31.920 That's all you got.

02:24:32.600 That's, that's fair.

02:24:34.020 And that was after that came out.

02:24:35.300 So this was the first thing that it was at the libraries, man, when you would see it

02:24:38.280 and it was good, man.

02:24:40.240 It's just the best dude.

02:24:40.860 There's not like I've, I've said many times on, on, uh, only stands.

02:24:43.880 There's not many better things.

02:24:45.520 Just seeing some boobs.

02:24:46.620 They're just awesome.

02:24:47.760 Yeah.

02:24:47.980 It's really just eases the soul.

02:24:50.160 He's the mind.

02:24:51.280 It's like finding a mystery, like finding the killer and who done it.

02:24:55.320 Just see what they look like.

02:24:56.860 It's like mother nature's nuts, dude.

02:24:58.680 Some good tits.

02:25:00.080 It's really the best.

02:25:01.260 It really is.

02:25:02.240 Nothing, no, no dispute.

02:25:04.500 Um, do you get a lot of invites to restaurants and stuff?

02:25:06.940 Do people do that a lot?

02:25:08.100 I feel like probably being a more Rubenesque male that a lot of people like come here,

02:25:12.280 come eat here.

02:25:13.120 You'll love this, but also having an appreciation for food.

02:25:15.880 That's what I should say.

02:25:16.740 Yeah.

02:25:16.760 There's, there's definitely, I'm sorry.

02:25:17.780 I'm not trying to.

02:25:18.420 No, dude, I don't care.

02:25:19.380 I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm wearing my larger gentlemen.

02:25:20.780 No worries.

02:25:21.620 But I would say, um, yeah, I do get a good amount of food invites.

02:25:24.540 I don't always want to go though.

02:25:25.860 Cause there are some, there are sometimes where if you get invited somewhere, it's like an awkward

02:25:28.700 scenario.

02:25:29.160 Like you don't, you don't know.

02:25:30.060 I'm assuming you go through the same thing where you don't know, um, you don't know exactly

02:25:34.640 what's going to be presented to you.

02:25:36.680 So I don't, I don't do it all too often, but there's definitely been times like, uh, a guy

02:25:41.380 who I've seen like YouTube videos.

02:25:42.420 Actually, I was out in Manhattan on Friday and the owner of Peter Lugers, I saw, he saw

02:25:46.080 me and he was like, Oh, come in whenever you want.

02:25:47.340 Like that I'll do.

02:25:48.520 But there's, if there's a random place that I don't know other people, then maybe I won't.

02:25:52.260 Like yesterday, the cheese shop, uh, the guy, Dom, my friend knew.

02:25:55.440 So those are experiences that are, that are fun.

02:25:57.580 Obviously it's like verified.

02:25:59.300 I also don't know if a lot of restaurants, I don't know if the food's good because most

02:26:02.100 of the people who DM me are, people are employees of the restaurants.

02:26:04.260 What if they're obviously going to say their food's good.

02:26:06.080 Right.

02:26:06.580 What if the food's not actually good?

02:26:08.000 And then, yeah, it's awkward.

02:26:10.220 What, um, what, uh, do you think you'll ever end up maybe doing a food show or something

02:26:15.440 like that?

02:26:15.740 It would kind of fit, huh?

02:26:16.600 Maybe.

02:26:16.780 I would love to.

02:26:17.420 That's like, that's that, I guess that would kind of be the goal.

02:26:19.540 I just, I like food TV.

02:26:21.040 I really enjoy it.

02:26:22.120 I, uh, I mean, I used to do a burger show at work for quite a while.

02:26:24.680 There was a good period of like maybe three years where I was just not doing that great

02:26:27.800 at work and I was always doing a burger show and I enjoyed it, but I probably did.

02:26:31.120 I don't think I was that good at describing the burgers.

02:26:35.680 I would like to see now that I'm so much more comfortable in front of a camera, how I would

02:26:39.120 redo it and just make it more bag.

02:26:40.980 I would just put it down.

02:26:41.520 I basically do like a Dave Pete's review, but with burgers, I'm definitely, it was just

02:26:45.300 wildly less successful, obviously.

02:26:47.560 But if I ever did a food show, I would like to do way more, like high, more higher produced,

02:26:52.300 maybe trying more different cuisines that I haven't tried.

02:26:54.420 And a lot of intrigue in that, like Indian food, I would like to dive into maybe some

02:27:00.320 Thai.

02:27:01.260 Oh yeah.

02:27:02.300 I'm really enjoying Mediterranean food.

02:27:04.600 Yeah.

02:27:05.220 Stuff like that.

02:27:06.180 Just expanding the old pallet.

02:27:07.620 So I'd be, I would definitely do a food show at the time for the time that we're doing

02:27:10.220 ice cream and only fans, but maybe down the road, I would, I do love food.

02:27:13.840 Yeah.

02:27:13.920 You got a pallet for it, man.

02:27:15.020 And that's nice because some people, their tongue, they really, it's a, it's got more, uh,

02:27:20.300 intel in it.

02:27:21.100 Yeah.

02:27:21.660 When I got, when I had COVID, I couldn't taste it and that kind of stunk.

02:27:25.000 Yeah.

02:27:25.280 That was horrible.

02:27:26.800 Did you, um, we might've talked about everything.

02:27:30.900 We've been here a while, three hours.

02:27:33.320 Yeah.

02:27:34.960 Um, did you ever been to a live taping of an only fans or pornography shoot?

02:27:42.640 Dude, I have not.

02:27:44.180 There's, is that something you would do or not?

02:27:46.460 I think I, I don't really see the allure.

02:27:49.560 There are some girls I know in LA right now, they're actually trying to get me to go to

02:27:52.040 one tomorrow, but I got to leave.

02:27:53.420 I got to leave tomorrow.

02:27:54.260 So I'm not going to go, but they keep telling me to come with so much fun.

02:27:56.620 I don't really see the, the allure of it.

02:27:59.020 Like if I'm not doing the fucking, I don't, why do I want to see somebody else do it?

02:28:02.620 Yeah.

02:28:03.060 So I don't really see the allure there and I'm assuming it's awkward.

02:28:06.560 I mean, I've, for every porn person I've talked to, they make it seem like it's a pretty

02:28:10.640 professional setting.

02:28:11.680 It doesn't sound fun to go to.

02:28:14.380 There's no wanting in my brain to want to go to a porn set.

02:28:16.880 I would, I don't want to, I like to see how the cookie gets crumbled in a kitchen.

02:28:20.440 Maybe not on the porn set.

02:28:21.620 I'll enjoy the porn.

02:28:22.420 I'll need to see how it's made.

02:28:23.500 Yeah.

02:28:24.100 Yeah.

02:28:24.700 Yeah.

02:28:25.100 Yeah.

02:28:25.320 I feel you, man.

02:28:26.520 Um, I don't think the actors want us there either.

02:28:29.160 Yeah.

02:28:29.480 I think it's probably, yeah.

02:28:30.700 I don't know if you were sitting over there.

02:28:32.540 I don't want to be like, say you're chewing gum or something and they look over and they're

02:28:36.340 like, you know, then what?

02:28:39.680 Yeah.

02:28:39.960 They're getting, you're talking in their shot, talking in their backswing.

02:28:42.940 Yeah.

02:28:43.320 Or just like, yeah.

02:28:44.120 And you blow a cum shot.

02:28:45.700 Oh, bro.

02:28:46.300 Never want to blow a cum shot.

02:28:47.800 Then you got to restart.

02:28:49.600 Oh.

02:28:50.200 Or you cheer when somebody ejaculates.

02:28:52.520 See, that would be kind of cool actually.

02:28:53.980 Yeah.

02:28:54.140 If there's a live audience.

02:28:55.800 Like there, that's the thing though.

02:28:56.740 If you want to do a live.

02:28:57.220 You yell go bills when somebody ejaculates.

02:28:58.240 Yeah.

02:28:58.900 If someone jumps over a table.

02:29:00.580 I mean, you guys want to see, I mean, I bet they, not that I bet, I would guarantee

02:29:04.180 you.

02:29:04.400 But porn companies that live audiences are porns, they would pack it out.

02:29:09.020 That's a great point, huh?

02:29:10.600 That could be what's next.

02:29:11.940 Yeah.

02:29:12.580 Yeah.

02:29:13.040 You never know.

02:29:13.920 You never know what's next.

02:29:15.180 Thanks for stopping into this cheese shop, bro.

02:29:17.500 Oh, dude.

02:29:17.960 Thank you very much for having me.

02:29:18.880 This was a great time.

02:29:19.660 I appreciate it.

02:29:20.140 Yeah, man.

02:29:20.420 I had a great time.

02:29:21.100 Thank you so much.

02:29:21.360 Yeah, thanks for hanging out and just good to get to spend time with you, man.

02:29:24.440 Yeah.

02:29:24.760 I know we both love Caleb and getting to spend time around him and.

02:29:28.540 Yeah.

02:29:28.740 He's our friend diagram.

02:29:29.900 Yeah.

02:29:30.160 He's our little guy in the middle.

02:29:31.620 Yeah.

02:29:32.380 There's something about him.

02:29:33.100 I hope he stays alive, too.

02:29:34.400 Same, dude.

02:29:35.240 I hope all three of us stay alive.

02:29:36.840 That would suck if we didn't.

02:29:37.720 And if we die soon, this clip will kind of pop off, I guess.

02:29:41.940 So, hey.

02:29:43.080 But, yeah.

02:29:44.040 Yeah, I guess, you know.

02:29:45.340 If it happens.

02:29:46.520 If it happens, dude.

02:29:47.680 Dude, I love you guys.

02:29:50.020 Yeah, I love you guys.

02:29:51.020 And I guess my parents could have the money I have.

02:29:54.360 I don't fucking know.

02:29:54.880 Whatever.

02:29:55.380 Yeah, yeah.

02:29:55.840 I think they can.

02:29:56.560 How's your mother doing?

02:29:57.400 Is she good?

02:29:57.940 Yeah, she's hanging.

02:29:58.760 Yeah.

02:29:58.940 Is she still smoking or not?

02:30:00.260 Yeah.

02:30:00.840 Trying to get her off the old smoking, dude.

02:30:03.300 She loves to smoke.

02:30:04.080 Yeah.

02:30:04.540 Happens, though.

02:30:05.580 I don't know.

02:30:06.180 That's the only thing I've ever done.

02:30:07.120 I've never smoked cigarettes.

02:30:08.820 Yeah.

02:30:09.360 Good for you.

02:30:09.980 My friends say the drunk cigarette, though, was super enticing.

02:30:12.900 I've never done it.

02:30:15.300 Yeah.

02:30:15.860 It was all pretty good when I had them.

02:30:18.360 Yeah.

02:30:19.620 Glennie Balls, thanks for coming in, man.

02:30:20.940 Dude, thank you again.

02:30:21.780 Appreciate it.

02:30:22.200 It was great.

02:30:22.680 Thanks, brother.

02:30:23.560 Now I'm just floating on the breeze.

02:30:26.280 And I feel I'm falling like these leaves.

02:30:29.160 I must be cornerstone.

02:30:34.480 Oh, but when I reach that ground, I'll share this peace of mind I found.

02:30:39.980 I can feel it in my bones, but it's going to take a living.

This Past Weekend with Theo Von - April 25, 2023

E441 Glenny Balls

Episode Stats

Length

Words per Minute

Word Count

Sentence Count

Misogynist Sentences

Hate Speech Sentences

Summary

Transcript