This Past Weekend with Theo Von - May 09, 2023


E443 That Lord Portal


Episode Stats

Length

1 hour and 10 minutes

Words per Minute

132.52623

Word Count

9,312

Sentence Count

1,252

Misogynist Sentences

76

Hate Speech Sentences

47


Summary

It's Mother's Day and we're talking about how God serves the world and how He's on the "on-ramp between the earth and the heaven." Rocky talks about the first time he saw an Asian in a church hymn.


Transcript

00:00:00.000 We hope you're enjoying your Air Canada flight.
00:00:02.320 Rocky's Vacation, here we come.
00:00:05.060 Whoa, is this economy?
00:00:07.180 Free beer, wine, and snacks.
00:00:09.620 Sweet!
00:00:10.720 Fast-free Wi-Fi means I can make dinner reservations before we land.
00:00:14.760 And with live TV, I'm not missing the game.
00:00:17.800 It's kind of like, I'm already on vacation.
00:00:20.980 Nice!
00:00:22.140 On behalf of Air Canada, nice travels.
00:00:25.260 Wi-Fi available to Airplane members on Equipped Flight.
00:00:27.340 Sponsored by Bell. Conditions apply.
00:00:28.580 See AirCanada.com.
00:00:30.000 We've got some new merch items to tell you about.
00:00:32.020 The Be Good to Yourself crew neck in teal.
00:00:35.900 It's frosty.
00:00:37.900 And we've got the new hoodie in Bittersweet.
00:00:40.820 Plus, we've got the Root Beer t-shirts from the Root Beer cartoon.
00:00:45.440 All that and more at TheovonStore.com.
00:00:51.320 Oh, baby.
00:00:55.720 Oh, dang.
00:00:57.220 Look at the baby.
00:00:59.120 It's so tiny.
00:01:02.520 It's so tiny.
00:01:06.920 God, I remember that song.
00:01:08.360 Remember that?
00:01:08.820 From church.
00:01:10.620 Oh, look at the baby.
00:01:13.120 It's so tiny.
00:01:15.020 It's so tiny.
00:01:21.320 Dude, one time I went over to this.
00:01:24.520 I don't know if it was Japanese or Chinese or it was some knees.
00:01:32.540 That's all I'm going to say.
00:01:34.680 It was some knees.
00:01:36.200 It was Asian.
00:01:36.900 It was...
00:01:38.740 You know what I'm saying?
00:01:39.920 You could damn...
00:01:41.960 You could throw a pot of rice in this church and hit an Asian.
00:01:44.860 They probably had unlimited Asians in there.
00:01:50.660 You know, it looked like a...
00:01:53.060 It looked like a...
00:01:56.560 It looked like a...
00:02:00.820 Kind of an Asian-y...
00:02:02.280 Asian-y...
00:02:04.280 Asian.
00:02:06.420 Asian thing.
00:02:07.740 Spot.
00:02:08.320 Place.
00:02:08.800 Asian.
00:02:10.720 It was Asian in there.
00:02:12.780 And...
00:02:13.280 And I remember the first time I'd ever heard a batch of Asians like that sing a church hymn.
00:02:21.180 You know, I think they were...
00:02:25.980 I don't know if they were first generation or not.
00:02:28.960 I'm not sure what generation they were.
00:02:30.960 They were...
00:02:32.300 Some of them had the...
00:02:34.180 The beat, you know, the little...
00:02:36.740 Some Asian people, though, if they get real old, they get that catfish hair coming out of them.
00:02:42.760 And you could get, you know...
00:02:44.120 You put a damn worm in front of one of them, they'll damn...
00:02:47.000 You know...
00:02:48.180 They'll jump right out their damn kimona.
00:02:50.120 They'll jump right out their damn church pajamas.
00:02:54.180 You know what I'm saying?
00:02:54.780 They don't...
00:02:56.280 You put a spinner bait or something.
00:02:57.740 You throw a chicken liver in front of a...
00:03:00.720 You know, you got them catfish Asians, baby.
00:03:02.920 They'll lurch.
00:03:05.180 They'll lurch.
00:03:05.900 They got that damn...
00:03:06.600 You know...
00:03:08.120 They got that last bit of karate left in them.
00:03:11.120 And they'll...
00:03:11.520 You know...
00:03:12.920 Because it...
00:03:13.400 You know...
00:03:14.200 A lot of humans, as they get older, you cross with an animal at a certain point.
00:03:20.120 A lot of humans cross with an animal.
00:03:22.840 And for a lot of Asian...
00:03:25.180 For a lot of Asian, that's catfish.
00:03:30.160 You see that guy, you know.
00:03:33.400 But yeah, I'd never been to a church before...
00:03:36.180 Where I had seen Asians...
00:03:41.240 Multiple Asian...
00:03:43.940 Doing...
00:03:44.880 Singing church hymns.
00:03:47.800 And it was pretty cool, man.
00:03:49.520 It just shows you that...
00:03:52.080 That everybody can sing, you know.
00:03:55.880 And that there's a...
00:03:56.640 That everybody, no matter what ethnicity or culture...
00:03:59.240 That they all can sing...
00:04:03.020 Songs of faith...
00:04:05.180 And have, you know...
00:04:06.100 And be excited and stuff like that...
00:04:08.060 And be at church.
00:04:08.880 I remember...
00:04:09.900 I can't remember the song now...
00:04:11.660 But it was like...
00:04:12.800 Do you see the baby?
00:04:19.960 Do you see the baby?
00:04:22.200 And they had a big screen in there...
00:04:25.840 And they'd have a picture of a...
00:04:27.640 You know, the three wise men...
00:04:30.200 Going to get...
00:04:31.560 Jesus Christ out of the...
00:04:34.200 Sandcastle.
00:04:36.400 So...
00:04:37.980 Anyway, what I'm trying to tell you is...
00:04:40.320 Happy Mother's Day.
00:04:42.660 I want to say that out there...
00:04:44.180 To every type of mother.
00:04:45.300 Every...
00:04:46.800 Every mother.
00:04:48.380 There's a lot of you...
00:04:51.380 There's a lot of you listening right now.
00:04:54.880 And you're a mother.
00:04:56.080 You got something, you know.
00:04:58.720 There's no other...
00:04:59.840 That's how...
00:05:00.640 I mean, that's God's peephole, baby.
00:05:03.680 That's how God looks out into the world.
00:05:05.780 Through a mother.
00:05:10.120 That...
00:05:10.560 I mean, you are the...
00:05:11.380 You are the liaison...
00:05:15.020 Between...
00:05:15.380 You know, you're the on-ramp...
00:05:19.540 Between the Lord...
00:05:22.200 And earth.
00:05:25.540 You got that on-ramp.
00:05:28.860 You got that thoroughfare.
00:05:33.200 You know, you got that...
00:05:34.480 You know...
00:05:35.380 You got that yum tunnel on you.
00:05:40.380 And that's how God...
00:05:41.840 But God...
00:05:42.240 That's how God serves them.
00:05:43.560 That's how He serves the world.
00:05:49.140 You know...
00:05:49.860 You're...
00:05:50.260 A woman's body...
00:05:51.400 A woman's...
00:05:52.280 Vainye...
00:05:53.720 However they say it out there...
00:05:57.000 In some of these other continents...
00:05:58.300 The vainye...
00:05:59.720 That's how the...
00:06:01.020 You know...
00:06:04.780 That's how...
00:06:05.780 That's how the Lord...
00:06:08.180 You know...
00:06:08.720 That's how He just...
00:06:11.180 Puts people on earth.
00:06:16.260 That's God's last hand.
00:06:17.960 That's His last...
00:06:18.800 That's His...
00:06:19.240 That's how He reaches out into the world.
00:06:21.880 Through a woman.
00:06:22.960 Through a mother.
00:06:25.180 That's really fascinating.
00:06:26.700 If I told you there was a portal...
00:06:33.080 Right?
00:06:34.220 Say I come up to you.
00:06:36.740 You're sitting somewhere...
00:06:37.820 You're having a sandwich or something.
00:06:39.020 You're having a little...
00:06:40.640 Cut of meat...
00:06:41.480 Cut of...
00:06:42.080 Cheese.
00:06:46.020 You know...
00:06:46.520 You're having a cut of meat...
00:06:47.540 Cut of cheese...
00:06:48.280 Two breads.
00:06:50.140 You know what it is.
00:06:51.440 A sandwich.
00:06:53.460 Say you're having that.
00:06:54.480 You're sitting on a little riverbank or something.
00:06:56.160 I come up to you.
00:06:59.120 I say...
00:06:59.840 Hey buddy...
00:07:00.540 I'm going to tell you where there's a portal...
00:07:04.540 Where you can go into another realm.
00:07:09.980 You'd be...
00:07:10.660 You'd be there in a heartbeat.
00:07:14.380 Well that's what a...
00:07:15.260 That's what a mother...
00:07:16.060 Mother...
00:07:16.640 That's the only way.
00:07:18.420 The only way...
00:07:20.540 To get from the brain of God...
00:07:25.540 Of the...
00:07:26.660 Of the powers that be...
00:07:29.220 Of mother nature and father time...
00:07:33.720 The only portal...
00:07:36.040 Is through a dang...
00:07:39.220 Woman.
00:07:40.760 A mother.
00:07:41.220 A mother.
00:07:43.920 Or this bitch...
00:07:45.400 As some people call her.
00:07:46.380 I don't...
00:07:46.800 You know...
00:07:47.660 I don't say that.
00:07:48.520 But anyway...
00:07:50.580 I just want to...
00:07:51.000 Yeah...
00:07:51.140 I want to wish everybody a happy Mother's Day.
00:07:53.020 You know...
00:07:53.700 You know...
00:07:56.400 Sometimes I think that...
00:07:57.700 People are just ideas.
00:08:03.740 They're like...
00:08:04.540 Like what if God had an idea?
00:08:06.520 Right?
00:08:06.760 And I say God in the...
00:08:08.040 In the...
00:08:08.840 You can...
00:08:09.980 Whatever God you want.
00:08:11.200 It can be...
00:08:13.740 Everybody...
00:08:14.660 I have my...
00:08:15.860 You can have your own God.
00:08:21.240 But I think of people sometimes as like an idea of God.
00:08:25.260 Like...
00:08:25.840 Say you have an idea.
00:08:26.900 Right?
00:08:27.100 An idea kind of comes in...
00:08:28.820 It comes into...
00:08:29.880 Like...
00:08:30.260 It comes out of kind of nowhere.
00:08:31.760 Right?
00:08:33.180 Like if you have an idea in your head...
00:08:36.200 It comes out of nowhere.
00:08:37.560 And some...
00:08:40.660 Some ideas there...
00:08:41.740 They do...
00:08:42.380 They...
00:08:42.840 They stick around...
00:08:45.180 They...
00:08:45.720 They turn into something.
00:08:49.980 You know...
00:08:50.700 Some ideas...
00:08:51.500 They make a difference.
00:08:52.520 They...
00:08:53.060 Some ideas really get turned into something...
00:08:55.260 And can adjust the world.
00:08:56.640 Can...
00:08:57.200 Can change things.
00:08:59.740 Can adjust a fan...
00:09:00.800 Can adjust something small...
00:09:02.360 Or as big as the whole world.
00:09:03.700 You know...
00:09:04.700 Ideas...
00:09:05.920 They can...
00:09:06.700 You don't know how big an idea can be...
00:09:10.660 Or how far an idea can go.
00:09:12.440 Right?
00:09:13.900 If we have an idea.
00:09:16.540 So sometimes I think that humans...
00:09:18.420 They're just ideas...
00:09:20.300 Of God really.
00:09:21.660 You know...
00:09:22.480 It's like we show up in the existence.
00:09:26.620 We have a purpose sometimes.
00:09:29.340 Sometimes we don't.
00:09:31.660 Sometimes we evaporate and disappear early.
00:09:34.060 You know...
00:09:35.060 Sometimes we stay around for a long time.
00:09:39.780 Sometimes we change our environment.
00:09:44.120 And sometimes we...
00:09:45.100 We can change the world.
00:09:47.200 You know?
00:09:49.220 So...
00:09:49.820 I don't know if this is making sense but...
00:09:53.020 I feel like life...
00:09:54.520 It's like being alive...
00:09:55.580 It's like...
00:09:56.060 We're almost like an idea of God.
00:09:58.120 Like if we have an idea...
00:10:01.060 It comes into fruition...
00:10:02.080 We do things with it.
00:10:03.340 Some of them are really helpful.
00:10:05.140 Some of them kind of come and go.
00:10:08.020 But if God...
00:10:09.040 When God has an idea...
00:10:10.160 That's us.
00:10:10.660 That's a person.
00:10:11.700 We're his idea...
00:10:12.540 We're like ideas of God.
00:10:14.380 We come into life.
00:10:15.760 We meander.
00:10:18.060 Sometimes we have an effect on things.
00:10:20.180 Sometimes we don't.
00:10:21.300 And...
00:10:23.460 And there we go.
00:10:28.360 So...
00:10:28.840 Not sure if that makes sense...
00:10:30.940 But that's something that's just been going on in my head.
00:10:34.520 I'm grateful to be here with you today.
00:10:37.440 I'm grateful to be thinking about mothers.
00:10:44.280 I'm grateful to be thinking about mothers.
00:10:46.880 I got to see my own mother last weekend in Phoenix, Arizona.
00:10:51.060 She came out there and...
00:10:53.600 And we had a nice time.
00:10:57.140 You know, it's been a long journey with my own mother.
00:11:00.220 Getting to know her.
00:11:02.460 And...
00:11:02.780 Since we didn't have a connection when I was young...
00:11:06.000 Getting to have a connection as adults.
00:11:11.460 You know, I talk a lot about that.
00:11:12.920 I'm not going to go into that right now.
00:11:14.380 But it was awesome to get to see her.
00:11:19.620 We got to do the largest show we'd ever done.
00:11:22.480 At the Arizona Financial Center.
00:11:26.120 Dang, bro.
00:11:28.880 Dang.
00:11:29.240 Dang.
00:11:31.500 Dude.
00:11:33.300 Warm up the Asians, baby.
00:11:35.080 Because I'll sing about that.
00:11:37.660 Oh, the baby is here.
00:11:42.100 Oh, look at him.
00:11:48.240 That was magical.
00:11:49.600 I want to thank everybody for coming out to that.
00:11:51.380 It's a different type of energy, man.
00:11:52.960 You're out there on the stage and you feel little.
00:11:57.260 God, I feel so little out there.
00:11:59.520 In a club, I feel normal size, regular size, six foot, 182.
00:12:09.520 One arm a little bit shorter than the other.
00:12:13.060 Neither arm.
00:12:16.940 That long.
00:12:18.840 Neither long.
00:12:20.380 Medium arms.
00:12:21.660 It's nothing you notice, but if you know, you know.
00:12:25.480 What was I talking about?
00:12:34.800 Oh, in that big, in that vast of a space, I feel like, I think I almost feel like a bird could come down and just pick me up off the stage.
00:12:43.320 You know, it's almost like you feel like the mouse, you know.
00:12:49.900 Somebody sees a mouse, they shine a light on it.
00:12:53.060 And that's what it's like in there because it's big, it's dark.
00:12:56.320 There's a light on you.
00:12:58.800 And I'm like, man, a big bird's going to come and damn get me.
00:13:02.280 God, I don't want that.
00:13:09.020 I don't want some big, dirty bird picking me up.
00:13:12.980 But that was incredible.
00:13:15.080 Just thank you guys for just being a part of my life, for wanting to come and see me, wanting to let me see you.
00:13:23.720 You know, or just, I'm just glad we all get to spend our time together.
00:13:30.320 And it's just been really, it's been cool.
00:13:33.960 And I know a lot of people, they want to get to interact more, you know, and we do what we can.
00:13:42.440 But I just want to thank everybody for coming out.
00:13:45.060 We did one show that was in a circle, and that's damn confusing.
00:13:48.240 I mean, it's like, damn, bro.
00:13:49.800 The whole time, I feel like I'm performing and asking people for directions, you know, and nobody knows what.
00:13:56.760 I mean, it just, it was in the round at the Celebrity Theater.
00:14:01.120 And this place looked like a, it looked like a white castle.
00:14:06.520 But like the white castle, like where, you know, where white lived or whatever.
00:14:16.160 You know, it looked like the last white castle, but like the biggest, greatest white castle.
00:14:20.560 It looked like a CEO, where the CEO of white castle would live.
00:14:24.680 This place, it's in a, just a big parking lot, and there's just a damn castle in it.
00:14:30.220 But it's just a low castle.
00:14:31.660 It's just like a short castle.
00:14:33.420 It's a low castle.
00:14:34.880 Just damn short castling.
00:14:36.220 So if you got a, you know, this castle, it's like a, you know, short castle.
00:14:43.220 And you're like, damn, what is this?
00:14:45.520 But thank you.
00:14:46.400 I had never done a thing in the circle like that.
00:14:48.860 So it's, damn, I'm damn dizzy.
00:14:51.700 You know, halfway through the jokes, I got to hold on the stool or something.
00:14:55.020 It reminded me of the Gravitron, you know, when you go to the fair as a child.
00:15:04.800 You know, where I lived, you'd go to the fair, and you'd get on the Gravitron.
00:15:14.520 And we'd go over there a day early for 50 cents.
00:15:17.040 They'd let you get on a ride.
00:15:19.840 And you were experimental.
00:15:21.440 You didn't realize it.
00:15:23.360 You were a damn lab rat.
00:15:24.740 They were testing to make sure this shit worked and make sure there was no lice on the equipment or whatever.
00:15:31.860 Because, God damn, boy, you get on one wrong ride, you itch for a month, cuz.
00:15:39.760 I mean, I swear to God.
00:15:42.340 I have one, but he had two nipples.
00:15:44.220 He itched one of them bitches right off, bro.
00:15:47.500 That's how bad he got.
00:15:51.360 Body lice.
00:15:52.240 He's down on one damn nipple, cuz.
00:15:59.640 Cuz the lice, they need a place to meet up at on the body.
00:16:03.860 You know, they're just like, they're just like a group of white people at a music festival.
00:16:10.440 They, every now and then, they gotta meet up somewhere and check on everybody.
00:16:16.600 Where's Rhonda?
00:16:18.660 How's Ricky?
00:16:19.860 Oh, damn, where's Donna?
00:16:21.620 Oh, well, Tammy and them left.
00:16:24.960 They left.
00:16:26.080 They're gone.
00:16:29.220 So, uh...
00:16:31.220 Lice are like that.
00:16:33.400 They want a place to meet up.
00:16:34.620 And, God forbid, it becomes your wiener or, uh...
00:16:39.280 Or something like that.
00:16:43.600 Or inner wiener.
00:16:45.480 That cooter.
00:16:47.300 That in, that eye dub, baby.
00:16:49.260 That in wiener.
00:16:51.580 Yeah, you know what?
00:16:53.820 Oh, yeah, y'all got that in wiener, don't y'all?
00:16:56.960 Hey, lady, let me see that in wiener.
00:17:01.000 Oh, damn.
00:17:02.720 Mama got that in wiener.
00:17:04.540 Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh.
00:17:06.700 Welcome to the world, to the baby.
00:17:12.100 We're happy that you're here.
00:17:16.360 I can't remember that Asian church.
00:17:17.800 Yeah, but thank God they met up on his nipple, dog, and ate that bitch.
00:17:21.960 Because you get them body lice.
00:17:23.960 But, um...
00:17:25.860 Anyway, what I'm trying to tell you guys is...
00:17:28.780 Oh...
00:17:30.060 Yeah, it was like the damn Gravitron.
00:17:31.640 Like the shape of the place.
00:17:33.440 And the Gravitron, you'd get over there a day early to the, uh...
00:17:37.040 To the parish fair, the county fair.
00:17:39.680 And you'd pay 50 cents.
00:17:42.440 And it'd let you get on the ride.
00:17:43.940 And the Gravitron, you laid back against the wall.
00:17:46.280 And the whole thing would spin.
00:17:48.780 The damn thing was spinning.
00:17:50.460 And it used all the power in the community.
00:17:54.760 Damn, your mom's blender would damn shut down.
00:17:57.220 Seven blocks away.
00:17:59.280 So this bitch could spin.
00:18:02.240 And it was...
00:18:03.280 You could hear your, you know...
00:18:05.360 The dad, your dad works at the factory.
00:18:07.300 That bitch shut down.
00:18:09.160 Everybody's having power outages.
00:18:10.740 And right there in the middle of the fairgrounds,
00:18:12.940 the Gravitron is spinning.
00:18:14.720 And then you can't even...
00:18:17.960 You get pushed against the side so much inside,
00:18:21.060 you can't close your mouth or eyes.
00:18:24.040 You're just like,
00:18:24.700 Yeah, I'm having fun.
00:18:28.020 I'll fuck.
00:18:30.300 And then the guy running it,
00:18:32.600 he'd be in the middle.
00:18:34.220 And he was always this rock and roll dude.
00:18:36.780 And you'd be like,
00:18:37.220 Do you want to rock?
00:18:38.840 And one person,
00:18:42.360 you could barely...
00:18:43.240 The centrifugal force was so strong,
00:18:46.520 you could barely get your arm up a little bit like,
00:18:49.000 Yes, I do.
00:18:52.780 And then he'd...
00:18:53.640 Damn, that guy would show you his damn weaner every time.
00:18:57.080 That guy was a damn...
00:18:59.400 He was just a visual pedophile, that guy.
00:19:03.200 He'd show you that sprout.
00:19:05.340 That body branch, homie.
00:19:07.100 You know what I'm talking about?
00:19:08.120 That nut snake, baby.
00:19:11.800 That weaner.
00:19:14.020 Who damned this?
00:19:15.420 And you couldn't close your eyes or anything.
00:19:18.140 Everybody's mouth and eyes were just wide open
00:19:20.440 because you were spinning on the Gravitron.
00:19:23.640 And he just...
00:19:24.400 He didn't do anything,
00:19:26.320 but he'd show you that bitch.
00:19:30.820 So, I don't know what we're talking about.
00:19:32.900 Happy Mother's Day.
00:19:35.420 That's what we're trying to say here.
00:19:38.120 And we're grateful to a lot of beautiful mothers out there.
00:19:43.120 We love you, moms.
00:19:45.240 And thank you for giving us this life,
00:19:49.360 whatever our life is.
00:19:50.700 Now, the tough part is when you're not enjoying your life, you know?
00:19:58.880 To then still find that gratitude to your mother.
00:20:04.240 But, you know, there's no...
00:20:06.440 There's...
00:20:06.880 I don't know when it happened in time that we started to think that life,
00:20:12.020 while it is extremely unique, right?
00:20:15.180 It's extremely unique.
00:20:17.360 It's so rare.
00:20:18.540 You know, Neil deGrasse was on here.
00:20:23.820 And he was talking about the rarity that you exist.
00:20:28.840 The odds that you exist.
00:20:31.120 I mean, you may not...
00:20:33.660 You may hate math,
00:20:35.900 but you are math.
00:20:37.860 You are an equation.
00:20:39.080 You are a...
00:20:40.540 Carry the one...
00:20:41.780 Carry the one million...
00:20:43.380 The odds
00:20:45.100 that we...
00:20:47.720 That you...
00:20:48.820 That I...
00:20:49.320 That any one of us exists.
00:20:51.300 They're astronomical.
00:20:55.200 They're astronomical.
00:20:59.140 But somewhere along the lines,
00:21:01.160 we...
00:21:01.740 You know, we started to think,
00:21:04.000 I guess, that life was supposed to be a comfort...
00:21:07.120 A comfortable thing.
00:21:10.660 And I don't know when that happened.
00:21:12.160 I think that happened for me, too.
00:21:15.740 You know, and maybe some of that is just an American societal...
00:21:21.300 Idea.
00:21:23.660 Since we live in a...
00:21:25.140 And have lived...
00:21:27.300 Historically in one of the more comfortable countries.
00:21:31.500 You know, where we've had a lot of...
00:21:33.700 Blessings and gifts.
00:21:36.060 You know, we've had a lot of...
00:21:37.300 We've had a lot of cash and prizes.
00:21:39.900 We've had a lot of...
00:21:41.360 You know, we have water.
00:21:42.400 We have roofs.
00:21:43.760 We have food.
00:21:45.840 You know, we have our needs met.
00:21:47.300 Um...
00:21:49.300 That we started to just think that life...
00:21:54.920 Uh...
00:21:55.560 Was...
00:21:56.300 Is supposed to be...
00:21:58.820 A comfortable journey.
00:22:01.920 But if you look out through time, man...
00:22:04.180 It is not...
00:22:04.900 It's never really been that.
00:22:08.180 People have battled...
00:22:10.380 Plagues...
00:22:15.300 Lightning...
00:22:17.300 What else?
00:22:23.580 AIDS...
00:22:26.460 Um...
00:22:28.300 Flash flooding...
00:22:33.660 And...
00:22:37.980 Dangerous animals, baby.
00:22:41.660 All of that.
00:22:42.320 Anyway, I get in my head sometimes that it's this...
00:22:45.520 It's supposed to be this comfortable thing.
00:22:48.220 As opposed to that it's supposed to be this journey.
00:22:51.260 It's supposed to be this...
00:22:53.320 Experience...
00:22:56.320 Uh...
00:22:57.820 That doesn't really have any guarantees.
00:23:00.640 You know?
00:23:02.040 Um...
00:23:02.600 And I wish I could look at life more that way.
00:23:08.580 Because I think I wouldn't...
00:23:10.600 Uh...
00:23:10.800 I might have...
00:23:11.600 I might...
00:23:12.300 I wouldn't be...
00:23:14.600 I'd probably find less disappointment in things.
00:23:17.520 If I looked at life more as like...
00:23:19.680 Okay, here I am...
00:23:20.600 I am...
00:23:21.600 On this journey.
00:23:23.800 As opposed to...
00:23:26.600 Why isn't my life going a certain way?
00:23:31.600 It'd be more like...
00:23:33.600 Life...
00:23:34.600 It was never promised to go a certain way.
00:23:40.600 It's just...
00:23:42.120 Life.
00:23:45.000 You know?
00:23:45.900 It's just like an idea.
00:23:47.360 It comes along...
00:23:50.260 It could...
00:23:51.800 Anything can happen to it.
00:23:56.340 So...
00:23:57.180 I'm a little all over the place.
00:24:00.600 Uh...
00:24:01.280 But...
00:24:01.600 I'll sit and tell you my stories.
00:24:17.640 Shine on me.
00:24:21.980 And I will find a song.
00:24:25.200 I will sing it just for you.
00:24:31.600 And now I've been moving way too fast
00:24:35.840 On a runaway train
00:24:37.240 With a heavy load of my...
00:24:39.040 Pants
00:24:40.960 And these rules are already known
00:24:46.440 Um...
00:24:48.160 Yeah.
00:24:48.720 Good to be here.
00:24:50.680 Uh...
00:24:51.120 Thank you for being a part of my life.
00:24:52.400 Thank you for...
00:24:53.240 Uh...
00:24:53.560 Blessing me with your time today.
00:24:55.600 And we are out here.
00:24:56.680 And we are alive.
00:24:59.080 And this is life.
00:25:01.600 This is what it is.
00:25:04.700 You know?
00:25:05.200 If I can accept life on what it is
00:25:07.060 Where it's at...
00:25:09.040 Then I...
00:25:10.460 I'm in a much...
00:25:11.880 I'm in a much better space usually.
00:25:16.780 You know?
00:25:17.320 If I have to...
00:25:17.880 If I show up with too many expectations...
00:25:21.560 Then I'm gonna...
00:25:22.660 Man...
00:25:22.960 I'm always gonna be...
00:25:26.960 Uh...
00:25:28.040 Disappointed.
00:25:28.680 Disappointed.
00:25:29.560 Disappointed.
00:25:30.680 You know?
00:25:33.320 I'm always gonna be disappointed.
00:25:36.780 But if I can get myself...
00:25:38.120 If I can get myself to be like...
00:25:39.700 Okay.
00:25:39.940 Let's see what's gonna happen...
00:25:41.800 Today.
00:25:42.880 Let's see how it goes.
00:25:45.860 Oh.
00:25:46.200 It's going good.
00:25:47.080 Oh.
00:25:47.300 It's going bad.
00:25:48.400 It's not really going good or bad.
00:25:50.120 It's just going.
00:25:50.880 It's just going.
00:25:50.940 But when I start thinking too much...
00:25:57.740 It's going like this.
00:25:58.900 It's going like that.
00:26:00.080 I need it to go like...
00:26:01.320 It's like...
00:26:02.120 Um...
00:26:03.120 Then I'm almost too attached to it.
00:26:10.460 You know?
00:26:11.060 Whereas if I can sit back...
00:26:12.100 And just watch life kind of happen...
00:26:14.140 And not overreact to it.
00:26:15.920 Just recognize it's always...
00:26:17.700 That's the thing.
00:26:19.400 Life hadn't been tricking anybody.
00:26:21.000 Life's got two hands, bro.
00:26:27.140 And it'll give you some bird seed with one...
00:26:29.660 And it'll punch a damn...
00:26:32.180 It'll punch you in the fucking neck with the other.
00:26:36.100 That's life.
00:26:38.340 Life will hand you a couple little...
00:26:40.580 Butterscotches, bro.
00:26:43.060 With one hand.
00:26:45.180 And then while you sucking on them...
00:26:47.120 Hit you with the other hand.
00:26:49.780 That's life.
00:26:53.120 Life has always done that.
00:26:55.920 It's that butterscotch...
00:26:57.180 Freaking bad boy, son.
00:27:00.440 It's a James J.
00:27:02.040 Brad Uterscotch.
00:27:04.200 That thing...
00:27:04.760 It'll punch you while you freaking...
00:27:06.280 Enjoying some sugar.
00:27:10.060 But if I...
00:27:10.800 So at a certain point...
00:27:11.580 I gotta know that.
00:27:12.520 I gotta know...
00:27:13.200 Hey...
00:27:13.640 This is what life does.
00:27:18.040 But if I'm so attached...
00:27:19.780 To it...
00:27:20.120 Then I'm gonna do...
00:27:20.840 Then I'm gonna be riding like that too.
00:27:23.840 If I put my saddle on every moment...
00:27:27.580 But if I can just kind of sit in the middle and know...
00:27:31.920 It's gonna be high.
00:27:33.200 It's gonna be low.
00:27:35.160 But I'm gonna ride her, bro.
00:27:36.680 I'm a rider.
00:27:37.420 I'm a rider.
00:27:37.480 Then I don't get caught on the waves and the crevasses.
00:27:43.860 I'm just chumming the boat, man.
00:27:46.060 Yeah, it's gonna be tough here.
00:27:47.480 It's gonna be untoughed here.
00:27:49.820 Let's enjoy the sailing.
00:27:52.580 Let's do some smooth sailing.
00:27:56.460 BetterHelp...
00:27:56.940 I wanna let you know that this episode is brought to you by BetterHelp.
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00:29:02.280 That's BetterH-E-L-P dot com slash Theo.
00:29:07.780 Summer's coming.
00:29:08.940 It's coming fast.
00:29:10.160 Dang.
00:29:10.460 It might have already came on ya.
00:29:14.160 Are you ready to unveil your beach bod?
00:29:16.700 I'm not.
00:29:18.320 But Manscaped is here to ensure your body is ready for the wild.
00:29:22.560 I just used their trimmer and just trimmed up my chest and belly.
00:29:27.860 So, made enough...
00:29:28.740 Got enough hair to make a dang mitten for somebody.
00:29:31.360 For a cold hand.
00:29:33.240 Or a hoof.
00:29:34.140 Or make a damn hair condom for someone.
00:29:36.720 It's time to get ready for a hot guy summer by going to Manscaped.com for 20% off and free shipping.
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00:30:16.820 Trim your hair.
00:30:19.540 Do it well.
00:30:20.240 Do it right.
00:30:21.660 Manscaped.
00:30:22.960 Not trying to pre-chat.
00:30:24.180 You're just trying to share some things.
00:30:26.300 You know, I've been doing a little more meditation recently.
00:30:28.960 And it's been allowing me to have a little bit of space from the attachment to every moment.
00:30:37.540 And that has been nice.
00:30:39.520 It's been nice.
00:30:40.440 Even just a little bit of space has been nice.
00:30:42.940 What's going on with you guys?
00:30:45.800 I want to thank everybody that's came out over there in Phoenix.
00:30:48.160 I'll be seeing everybody in New York this week.
00:30:51.060 New York City.
00:30:54.140 We're trying to put some other shows on the books.
00:30:56.800 We got Edmonton.
00:30:57.800 Edmonton is out there.
00:31:00.100 New dates.
00:31:01.000 That's up now.
00:31:02.240 Or new date.
00:31:03.360 It's going to be outdoors.
00:31:05.360 So no idea what that's going to be like.
00:31:08.160 No idea.
00:31:13.180 But we'll see when we get there.
00:31:15.560 That's what I'm thinking.
00:31:19.140 What's been happening?
00:31:21.380 What's been happening with you?
00:31:23.640 I want to get some voicemails from you guys.
00:31:26.120 Other dates.
00:31:26.840 We're looking at Australia and the UK.
00:31:30.940 We're looking to try to figure those out right now.
00:31:36.060 So man, I can't even believe it to get to go back to some of those beautiful places.
00:31:39.900 And just thank you so much.
00:31:44.340 Thank you for wanting me to come, you know, physically, you know, or, you know, to show up.
00:31:58.460 You know, I'm just, I'm not talking about eject, eject, eject, ejecting.
00:32:04.680 I'm talking about just showing up and doing work.
00:32:07.000 Um, what's going on, man?
00:32:10.820 Yeah.
00:32:11.120 Oh, boy.
00:32:13.800 Happy Mother's Day.
00:32:15.080 You know, we had a lot of different, we had a lot of different mothers in my neighborhood.
00:32:19.000 My mom was damn high strung.
00:32:23.680 My God.
00:32:26.520 She was goddamn, I mean, good God.
00:32:32.420 My mom, I think she fucking slept on the top of a violin.
00:32:35.940 That bitch was high strung.
00:32:37.440 She was, God damn.
00:32:43.560 My mother had that kind of, if my, my mother, she was, she was tight.
00:32:48.540 She was wound tight.
00:32:50.660 If she turned her neck, one of her arms would go up to beat the shit out of somebody.
00:32:56.020 See, that's just how she was built.
00:32:57.380 Just like one of those old toys you get, like as a kid back in the day, they'd have a toy.
00:33:03.140 And if you turn, like, if you moved its leg, then, then, then the arm would, it was double.
00:33:10.940 It was ambidextral.
00:33:12.860 So you move, you know, you moved its neck, one of its arms would go up.
00:33:18.540 And you moved its leg and then the other arm, it would just, you couldn't move one part without another part.
00:33:25.540 That's how my mom was.
00:33:29.280 She just had, she was wound up.
00:33:33.140 If she sneezed, she'd beat the fuck out of something.
00:33:35.620 She just, you know, she, it was just, my mother was wound up, boy.
00:33:39.640 They had all kinds of moms in our neighborhood.
00:33:43.760 We had this one lady, she would, she drank, boy.
00:33:48.700 She drank and she ate, uh, Christmas candies year round.
00:33:54.740 She ate Christmas candies year round.
00:34:00.340 This bitch was eating Christmas candies year round, boy, year round.
00:34:05.720 And first, if that ain't the most sinful thing, seeing somebody suck on a piece of Christmas candy, dude,
00:34:13.260 in this damn June, what's going on?
00:34:15.920 God, the devil's out here selling sugar.
00:34:22.300 And she was naughty, bro.
00:34:23.820 She had a Trans Am, I remember.
00:34:25.820 She had like a sports car.
00:34:27.060 And she would, she drank a lot.
00:34:35.460 She would drink a lot.
00:34:36.660 And I remember she'd lay out on the car, she would lay on the hood of that car, dude.
00:34:40.100 She'd drive, she'd go drive it a couple times and then she'd lay on the hood of it while it was still warm.
00:34:45.740 It's right, there's three apartments down from us.
00:34:48.920 She'd lay on that bitch.
00:34:52.940 And she would just kind of just, like, she'd say, I want you, what would she say?
00:34:58.660 I want you.
00:35:00.700 She'd be like, yeah, yeah, yeah.
00:35:10.700 And then she drank a little, take a sip of her drink.
00:35:13.960 It was usually a, uh, Corona.
00:35:18.920 And she'd say, I want you to hear me feel.
00:35:24.060 And she would just, yeah, yeah.
00:35:28.080 She would howl a little.
00:35:31.960 God, boy.
00:35:34.580 And her damn legs would look all wet.
00:35:37.320 I mean, I don't even know what was going on.
00:35:41.260 God, that lady was, she was fucking wild, boy.
00:35:45.120 And somebody, she said that she had barrettes on her, uh, on the hair outside of her cooter.
00:36:00.180 I want you to hear me feel, she would say that shit, laying on that warm engine.
00:36:07.240 Um, what else?
00:36:09.080 We had another, we had something, this, my buddy had a thick mom.
00:36:11.860 She was damn thick, boy.
00:36:13.500 God damn, dude.
00:36:16.420 She looked like she made out of damn bread, you know.
00:36:21.260 Like, when you saw her, you just wanted to damn, just put some jelly on that bitch.
00:36:27.120 You just want to damn put some jelly on that bitch.
00:36:30.720 And enjoy yourself.
00:36:32.720 God damn, boy.
00:36:34.060 I'll put that bitch in the oven, son.
00:36:38.620 And her, their whole house smelled like biscuits.
00:36:43.980 And they had a mixed child over there, too.
00:36:49.200 And the mama, she always wore kind of hospital clothes, even though she wasn't in the hospital.
00:36:55.460 I guess she was just ready, because eventually they took her in and she passed away.
00:37:00.720 She had, uh, blood pressure or something.
00:37:02.980 I don't know.
00:37:04.360 Just, damn, salt in her blood or something.
00:37:07.540 Damn biscuit blood or something had happened to her.
00:37:09.680 She was, god damn, boy.
00:37:12.500 She was beautiful.
00:37:15.880 And then, they had another buddy of mine had a, his mom was, mm, she was, God, she was beautiful.
00:37:25.600 She was beautiful, man.
00:37:27.280 I'd go over there and I'd hide in their clothes hamper.
00:37:30.720 I'd hide in there.
00:37:36.420 And I would smell her, uh, braziers.
00:37:41.500 I'd, god, I would just, I wanted her to be my mother.
00:37:46.240 I would put my, I would get those things and put them on my, just, I would just, just huffing cups, baby.
00:37:56.700 I just wanted to just inhale the scent of that woman until it landed in my DNA, man.
00:38:06.420 I wanted her to be my mother that much.
00:38:08.960 I remember that.
00:38:14.280 I remember that.
00:38:15.460 Um, I can barely see.
00:38:19.720 These sunglasses are damn, they want it all to stop, sun, everything.
00:38:23.660 But let's get a couple of, uh, calls that came in here.
00:38:29.440 The hotline is always, 985-664-9503.
00:38:37.540 Um, I do want to update you that me and David Spades are still trying to get a movie made, which would be insane, boy.
00:38:45.460 I don't know if that'll happen.
00:38:47.800 We're trying, uh, a lot of these studios and stuff.
00:38:51.880 They're not giving it a, they don't, there's no, um, we haven't had any luck on the traditional route.
00:39:02.000 You know, I think there's a big, they don't want to see, uh, something like that.
00:39:08.180 They don't want to see that kind of, they don't want two guys.
00:39:10.440 They don't want, I don't think, two white guys having a good time, to be real honest with you.
00:39:18.300 And some of that might be a little jaded, but I can't understand why they wouldn't jump at the opportunity for, for the film.
00:39:26.900 I mean, I, well, I mean, I don't have a lot of experience.
00:39:28.740 I don't have any experience.
00:39:29.600 Let's be honest with you, boy.
00:39:30.600 I don't have any experience.
00:39:32.360 Hey, you got experience?
00:39:33.840 I don't.
00:39:34.680 I don't have any.
00:39:35.540 And the baby came from the sky, oh, God.
00:39:43.540 Um, but this is David down spades, bro.
00:39:48.700 Call a spades a spades, baby.
00:39:51.000 That's him.
00:39:53.360 That's Tommy boy's brother, dog.
00:39:58.260 So, that's Joe damn dirt, bro.
00:40:01.820 His parents left him at the Grand Canyon, and now he's a movie star.
00:40:10.020 So, that shit just makes me want to fucking juggle my own dick, buddy.
00:40:19.040 So, I don't know.
00:40:19.860 We're trying to find an alternative method to get it made.
00:40:23.020 I might hit up a rich friend or something and see if they'll put some finance in.
00:40:27.480 I don't know.
00:40:28.760 But I just wanted to update you on that.
00:40:30.200 But, um, what else?
00:40:33.120 I watched the UFC this weekend.
00:40:34.700 I enjoyed it.
00:40:36.440 I was bummed that Bryce Mitchell didn't fight.
00:40:40.720 But, you know, you got to take care of yourself.
00:40:42.620 That's important.
00:40:44.160 And, uh, anyway, as always, the hotline, 985-664-9503.
00:40:53.100 What's up to you?
00:40:54.120 Gage from Pittsburgh.
00:40:55.940 What's up, Gage?
00:40:57.920 And, uh, Pittsburgh as well.
00:40:59.820 I like it.
00:41:00.820 I've been there.
00:41:01.920 Got pink eye over there.
00:41:04.300 You know what I'm saying?
00:41:05.160 Got a little bit of downtime in my uptime.
00:41:08.320 You feel me?
00:41:09.640 Onward, brother.
00:41:11.220 I'm having my third kid in August.
00:41:13.340 I got two girls already.
00:41:14.360 I'm hoping for a boy.
00:41:15.460 I'm doing a gender reveal party.
00:41:17.140 I want to know, how would Theo Vaughn do it?
00:41:21.020 Gang, gang, baby.
00:41:23.060 Praise, brother.
00:41:23.840 I appreciate you asking me.
00:41:24.980 And congratulations on that third, buddy.
00:41:27.660 Congratulations on that.
00:41:29.060 Bringing something into the world.
00:41:30.440 An idea.
00:41:32.200 A human idea.
00:41:34.360 What can happen?
00:41:34.980 I think this is how I would do it.
00:41:41.400 I'd get you mommy and daddy out there.
00:41:43.880 Get you mommy and daddy.
00:41:45.320 Right?
00:41:45.800 Your parents or her parents.
00:41:48.080 I'd get you a four-wheeler.
00:41:50.200 Okay?
00:41:50.520 And I'd run you a thing of rope from the back of the four-wheeler to each one of the parents to their pants.
00:42:01.420 To the front of their pants.
00:42:03.340 And they're wearing pants only.
00:42:05.020 Each parent.
00:42:05.640 Pants only.
00:42:06.960 No unders.
00:42:08.920 No unders.
00:42:12.040 And then you tie it, whichever it is, male or female.
00:42:15.920 If it's male, the new baby, you tie it, you tie the knot tight onto the front of your dad's pants.
00:42:23.780 And if it's female, you tie it tight onto the front of your mom's pants.
00:42:30.300 And whichever one it isn't, you leave it loose.
00:42:32.360 But you still make it look like it's up by their waist.
00:42:34.900 Right?
00:42:35.100 You tuck it into their waist or whatever.
00:42:36.640 So nobody would know the difference.
00:42:37.880 And then you say, okay, one, two, three, male or female or whatever they do.
00:42:46.880 You know, let me see, you know, move that, whatever, gender, whatever they say.
00:42:53.460 Right?
00:42:53.880 And let's see the winner or whatever, you know, or whatever they say.
00:42:59.420 I don't know how you guys do it.
00:43:00.740 Right?
00:43:01.060 And that's a crotch.
00:43:03.500 Okay.
00:43:03.960 So here's what I'm saying, man, is that then you floor that four-wheeler and whoever it is, if it's male or female, it rips the pants off of the adult.
00:43:22.760 Now that's some fucking shit right there, boy.
00:43:27.160 That's it.
00:43:27.580 So then you're really revealing somebody's gender.
00:43:30.520 You're revealing two genders.
00:43:32.000 You're saying, hey, the baby's going to be this.
00:43:34.940 And we're also making sure that your parents are appropriately crotched by God.
00:43:42.220 Because imagine, well, you ripped them pantalones off mom.
00:43:47.400 And she got that hog on her boy.
00:43:53.260 She got that little worker, boy.
00:43:56.080 She got that little semen snout on her boy.
00:44:01.260 Everybody be damn shocked.
00:44:02.580 That's a double gender reveal.
00:44:04.620 Then she's going to have a new granddaughter.
00:44:06.580 And you're going to have a new father.
00:44:10.400 So that's how I would do it, man.
00:44:11.900 But what do I know?
00:44:14.400 Nothing.
00:44:16.280 Nothing.
00:44:18.260 All right.
00:44:18.820 Let's take another call right here.
00:44:19.940 Hey, Theo.
00:44:20.980 My name's Riley.
00:44:21.840 I just got a simple question.
00:44:23.640 What do you think of my car?
00:44:24.940 It's a 2012 Suzuki SX4 hatchback.
00:44:28.680 That's all I wanted to know.
00:44:30.520 Gang, gang.
00:44:31.560 Gang, baby.
00:44:32.200 Thank you, Riley, for calling in on that auto.
00:44:39.580 Fiscally, I don't know much about it.
00:44:41.080 You know, you need to look up in Kelly Blue Book.
00:44:43.760 Or get you on the website or something.
00:44:45.420 Edmunds or something.
00:44:45.980 I don't know.
00:44:47.860 You know, we used to have that Kelly Blue Book.
00:44:49.560 And we'd look on there.
00:44:51.380 And see, oh, wow.
00:44:52.660 My car is a piece of shit, I remember realizing.
00:44:56.200 Wasn't even in there.
00:44:58.260 The value of this damn wasn't even in there.
00:45:01.000 God.
00:45:02.620 But I love that.
00:45:04.240 It's a Kia Sorento, huh?
00:45:06.220 Is that what you said?
00:45:07.480 What do you think of my car?
00:45:08.660 It's a 2012 Suzuki SX4 hatchback.
00:45:11.600 Okay, different.
00:45:13.000 That's all I wanted to know.
00:45:14.060 Suzuki.
00:45:14.640 Gang, gang.
00:45:16.060 Yeah, we used to have a brother by us that grew up by us.
00:45:19.760 And they called him Suzuki Leg.
00:45:24.440 And I don't know why.
00:45:28.640 I don't know what happened or what had.
00:45:30.180 Something had happened to his leg.
00:45:31.500 I think he'd.
00:45:34.340 Well, I know what happened.
00:45:35.320 His brother had burned down their garage.
00:45:38.440 His brother had locked him in a garage or something and burned it down.
00:45:42.840 And part of his leg got grilled out a little.
00:45:46.000 And for some reason, they call him Suzuki Leg over there.
00:45:52.060 And I don't know why.
00:45:55.320 I'll have to go back and ask somebody.
00:45:56.960 But I remember that.
00:45:57.980 But yeah, look.
00:45:58.460 That's a beautiful car.
00:45:59.280 He said 2012.
00:46:00.420 2012 was a great year, man.
00:46:03.140 That was when the Russians ended that.
00:46:09.480 They had a beefing issue with the UK.
00:46:14.200 Remember, they wouldn't let the beef in from the UK.
00:46:16.480 And that's when the Russians, they ended that.
00:46:20.960 Is that an embargo?
00:46:22.440 What is an embargo?
00:46:23.460 Let me see.
00:46:27.080 An embargo.
00:46:27.580 An official band or trade.
00:46:29.640 On trade.
00:46:30.420 Yep.
00:46:31.200 The Russians.
00:46:31.960 That's 2012.
00:46:32.680 They ended that embargo.
00:46:34.040 That beef embargo.
00:46:35.240 They had that meat embargo going on.
00:46:38.300 They didn't want that beef coming in from Britain.
00:46:42.480 They didn't want that British beef.
00:46:44.340 And so, they ended it.
00:46:47.360 But at that point, it was unlimited Russian beef was allowed in.
00:46:51.820 No, unlimited British beef was allowed in Russia.
00:46:55.120 And people were damn fucking throwing loins at each other.
00:46:59.280 You'd see a man just beating his wife with a damn London broil over there in Russia.
00:47:07.040 You know, just God.
00:47:08.300 Just, you know, just whipping it.
00:47:11.300 You just, you'd see somebody whipping their child with a damn backstrap.
00:47:16.280 You know, it was damn beautiful.
00:47:21.140 But that's, yeah.
00:47:22.420 Because I used to work in meat.
00:47:24.120 I used to do door-to-door meat work.
00:47:26.040 I used to do door-to-door meat work.
00:47:30.520 We would do, you know, where you'd knock on people's door and sell them the meat right there.
00:47:37.800 And people want to, look, people, there's something about meat.
00:47:43.680 People want it.
00:47:44.560 People want it.
00:47:50.340 People want meat.
00:47:51.420 Baby, they want it.
00:47:53.200 And if you show up at somebody's house and you're like, guess what?
00:47:56.400 And they're like, what?
00:47:57.140 And you're like, I got some fucking meat right here.
00:48:00.080 Some, a decent amount of people want it.
00:48:03.300 Now, some vegans will call you a queer or whatever.
00:48:07.020 You know?
00:48:08.480 But that's them.
00:48:13.940 Anyway.
00:48:14.600 Sorry, I'm rambling, man.
00:48:15.400 Let's get back into it.
00:48:16.520 But yeah.
00:48:17.200 I used to do door-to-door meat.
00:48:18.400 It was truck-to-table right there.
00:48:20.560 And we would sell it to people right there.
00:48:24.140 You know?
00:48:24.860 It was, you know.
00:48:26.900 It was freezer-to-table.
00:48:28.260 I don't know what it was.
00:48:29.060 But it was, we'd sell that shit right out the truck.
00:48:32.000 In different neighborhoods, you'd hit, you know, you'd knock and tell them you had different stuff.
00:48:35.840 Ribs, bro.
00:48:36.480 If you was in some of the urban neighborhood, you'd be like, hey, guess what?
00:48:41.080 We're ribbing around over here, you know?
00:48:45.160 I'm driving that rib rover.
00:48:47.580 You feel me?
00:48:48.180 We ribbed up.
00:48:49.640 Who want these ribs?
00:48:51.820 So, praise God.
00:48:53.260 Happy Mother's Day.
00:48:55.620 You know, the sun is, it's God, it's violent.
00:48:59.680 Look at what the sun can do.
00:49:01.660 Burn a hole in a leaf if you have a magnifying glass.
00:49:05.640 It's killing ant.
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00:52:11.440 All right, let's take another call here.
00:52:13.840 Here we go.
00:52:17.700 Hey, Theo, man.
00:52:19.580 I just wanted to call and say, man, it's been rough.
00:52:22.520 I've had a pretty rough couple of years.
00:52:25.080 And I've been watching you for a long time.
00:52:29.160 And you're just hilarious, man.
00:52:30.940 And I just find you so funny.
00:52:32.140 And I was watching some clips on YouTube.
00:52:35.540 One of them was you just saying that you're proud of me.
00:52:38.940 And that was the first time I've heard that in a long time.
00:52:41.620 So I just wanted to say thank you.
00:52:43.260 And I just wanted to know kind of what you do for support.
00:52:46.380 How do you get support?
00:52:47.320 How do you make yourself feel better?
00:52:48.720 I just want to know.
00:52:49.320 Oh, thanks for the message, brother.
00:52:56.340 Yeah, you know, you might be like me.
00:52:58.120 You might be somebody that didn't hear that when they needed to when they were young, you know.
00:53:03.520 And that's not self-pity.
00:53:04.940 I'm not like, oh, boo-hoo.
00:53:06.960 But the long-term effects of those things are very real.
00:53:10.740 They're very real, man.
00:53:12.240 They're very real.
00:53:14.920 And I'm sorry you're having to deal with these things later in life.
00:53:19.780 But you're not the only person.
00:53:22.500 You know, it's a lot of us that are dealing with this.
00:53:24.640 We kind of late bloomers, you know.
00:53:29.220 And it makes me angry that I have to deal with, I have to deal, I have to meander around these things now,
00:53:35.620 which are things that should have been done for me as a child.
00:53:38.740 It makes me angry, right?
00:53:42.040 But I have to take some action.
00:53:44.360 And that's what we do.
00:53:45.620 We go to, we do therapy.
00:53:47.380 We do different processes.
00:53:48.860 You can do 12-step.
00:53:53.680 You can do ayahuasca.
00:53:54.840 There's different things you can do to help you fill in that space and learn and relearn the things you should have learned as a child
00:54:05.080 or should have known and felt as a child.
00:54:08.380 Me for support.
00:54:09.540 You know, this podcast really, in some ways, has been the one thing that's made me show up for my life every week.
00:54:25.000 You know, if there's one thing I've done in my life that I've committed to and I've done it,
00:54:31.780 it's this.
00:54:33.780 Honestly.
00:54:35.080 So this has been a great thing.
00:54:37.300 My brother has been really great for me.
00:54:39.540 My brother has been really, man.
00:54:54.960 You know, I don't know where I would be without my brother, man.
00:55:04.420 I mean, he had a really tough time when we were kids.
00:55:07.220 He had a really tough time.
00:55:08.520 And, you know, he, uh, and, you know, um, and I was the younger brother, you know, so I came in this need and, you know,
00:55:21.200 you know, and probably what little he was getting that he needed as a child, I came in and cut that in half.
00:55:32.140 You know, uh, but he is just a really interesting and resilient and, um, and powerful force in my life.
00:55:49.040 I go to him.
00:55:50.040 I go to him a lot.
00:55:50.440 We've had a, well, our relationship has built as I've gotten older and as he's got, as we've grown up and it has been a blessing, man.
00:55:58.760 And, you know, you know, my brother's the first person in my life that ever felt like love me just unconditionally, unconditionally.
00:56:06.580 He chose to, he just, you know, he chose, uh, that for me.
00:56:15.720 I had an ex-girlfriend that loved me unconditionally too, actually.
00:56:18.580 Um, I wasn't ready to be, uh, a good, you know, a decent husband or, or a decent boyfriend, but, um, but my brother, I go to my brother.
00:56:34.820 Who else do I go to?
00:56:37.720 He really is the one that, um, you know, he kind of, he's my, he, in some ways he turned into my father too.
00:56:46.640 You know, he had to fill in a lot of roles that we didn't have.
00:56:50.540 Um, and he did it for himself first and then he's been able to extend and help me, uh, when I've needed it.
00:56:58.080 So, so that has been a, just really, man, that's been a blessing.
00:57:02.380 Thank you for asking.
00:57:04.160 All right.
00:57:04.920 We got another video call that came in here.
00:57:06.740 Some of these are video.
00:57:08.380 And for all of these, you can go to TheoVaughn.com and you can, um, there's three ways to communicate with the podcast.
00:57:14.820 You can text, um, those are where we just kind of, uh, respond to sometimes.
00:57:23.380 Um, you can send audio and video and, uh, we listen and watch those.
00:57:29.720 Um, and some of those we'll use for episodes.
00:57:32.560 Uh, thank you.
00:57:34.260 Hi, Theo.
00:57:35.660 My name's Ashley and that is my beautiful, uh, Kane Corso named Abraham.
00:57:45.460 Okay.
00:57:46.320 And hello, Ashley.
00:57:47.340 Thank you for, uh, checking in here.
00:57:49.100 Nice to see you.
00:57:49.920 And you got that animal too.
00:57:51.320 You got that, uh, you got that dark, that, uh, that dark animal in the back seat onward.
00:57:57.660 My question is about, uh, whether or not Theo has any words of encouragement or just thoughts about having to re-home a pet.
00:58:07.280 Um, I'll actually be moving from South Carolina to Covington, Louisiana in June.
00:58:14.800 Um, so, uh, I have to re-home her.
00:58:18.580 I can't take her with me just logistics wise.
00:58:21.540 So I wanted to know what your thoughts were about that.
00:58:25.320 Well, thank you.
00:58:26.420 Yeah.
00:58:26.620 Look, I, I think if you're going to bring an animal down to Louisiana, we'll, we, that's good.
00:58:32.580 That's an animal place, man.
00:58:34.940 Name 70 animals.
00:58:36.240 I bet you a lot of them are right there in Louisiana if you do.
00:58:43.200 Um, yeah, I mean, I grew up in the stray animal belt over there.
00:58:46.880 And so I don't know a ton about dogs.
00:58:49.940 I believe in them.
00:58:50.940 I've seen them my whole life, you know, um, the area I grew up in a lot of stray animals.
00:58:57.080 I mean, we had stray, everything was stray.
00:58:59.760 I mean, from the damn birds to, uh, this, hell, this one family down the street, you'd catch
00:59:07.840 a damn, that daughter drinking, not the ditch.
00:59:11.420 Uh, but we had a lot of stray animals come through, you know?
00:59:18.520 And so I don't have, the first time I ever saw a dog in a home, it was, it blew my mind.
00:59:26.240 I mean, this beautiful blonde haired, blue, a brown eyed animal.
00:59:31.160 I'm like, God damn, that thing's fine as hell, boy.
00:59:36.140 That thing's fine as hell.
00:59:37.560 I'm about to fucking grill that thing up over at the Asian church, you feel me?
00:59:41.600 Oh, don't you love us, Lord, we love you.
00:59:48.520 What was I talking about?
00:59:50.560 Yeah, so I don't have much experience on, uh, re-homing animals, but, but it's obvious
00:59:56.480 you care about the animal, you're going to find it a good home.
00:59:59.500 And I think just welcome to Covington, Louisiana.
01:00:02.640 You know, it's a great place, it's a warm place.
01:00:06.500 Um, there's a lot of good people.
01:00:08.800 Uh, it's a good place to raise a child.
01:00:15.240 It's a good place to be a mom.
01:00:18.040 Um, there's a strong sense of community over there, and, uh, I'm sure you will like it.
01:00:24.380 It's a great place to have an imagination.
01:00:25.800 And I'm thankful to that place, uh, for just giving me a tapestry to be on as a, uh, as
01:00:35.000 I pass through time here.
01:00:36.800 Yeah, I don't know.
01:00:37.600 We had a stray animal.
01:00:38.540 I mean, I got bit by, you know, I mean, damn, I got bit by so many fucking dogs.
01:00:43.540 God, them bitches would fucking bite me.
01:00:46.920 I thought there was something in me.
01:00:48.220 I thought I had a damn pork loin in me or something.
01:00:50.700 Um, you know, I thought, you know, God was hiding bacon in my ass or something.
01:00:56.740 Them dogs would fucking latch on to me.
01:01:01.220 So, anyway, good luck to you, and congratulations on the move.
01:01:06.580 All right, let's take one more call, and, um, yeah, let's see what we got.
01:01:11.240 As always, the hotline is 985-664-9503.
01:01:15.540 Um, here we go.
01:01:18.360 Hey, Theo, um, my name is Danielle.
01:01:23.120 I live on the west side of Michigan.
01:01:26.100 Um, Great Lakes, great times, that murder mitten, you know?
01:01:30.440 Yeah, baby, that murder mitten.
01:01:32.280 That's it.
01:01:32.720 If you want to get murdered, and you want to hear Kid Rock blasting in the background while
01:01:37.540 you do it, you got to go to Michigan, buddy.
01:01:40.440 And enjoy yourself.
01:01:41.960 Onward?
01:01:42.240 You know, um, but anyways, I just got, uh, pulled in a little early, uh, to this, you
01:01:49.340 know, program that I'm participating in, and I just wanted to touch base.
01:01:53.180 I was listening to you, you know, on my drive-in this morning, and recently you've just been
01:01:58.580 talking a lot about, like, taking time for yourself.
01:02:01.060 Like, you know, prioritizing, like, life moves real quickly, and, um, you know, that's, that's
01:02:09.260 true.
01:02:10.420 And, uh, I recently made the decision to, um, you know, take some time off for myself and,
01:02:18.980 and get some therapy and some medication to kind of battle the dark arts in my heart, in
01:02:26.320 my soul, in my mind.
01:02:28.420 Uh, you know, um, we're out here, man.
01:02:33.220 We're doing it.
01:02:34.180 And, you know, I'm a career person.
01:02:36.240 I'm a mom.
01:02:37.360 I'm a wife.
01:02:38.640 You know, I got a lot of responsibility.
01:02:40.780 But, you know, at the end of the day, I had to make the decision to, uh, help myself, you
01:02:48.800 know, uh, cause what's the cost if you don't, right?
01:02:52.220 So.
01:02:53.800 Amen.
01:02:55.260 Danielle, thank you for the call, and happy Mother's Day to you.
01:02:59.260 Um, and yeah, I'm, uh, you know, mothers are the real, they're the real worst, they,
01:03:09.700 they're the, you know, mother, they get it all.
01:03:18.940 They get, they're the, you know, it's a lot of, they're the toll booth.
01:03:25.120 They're the on ramp.
01:03:29.000 It's a lot of responsibility.
01:03:30.840 You're running around with a damn portal between the heavens and existence and the world.
01:03:42.960 Yeah.
01:03:44.660 I'm sure it is stressful.
01:03:47.320 Dear God, I can't even make it through a damn toll booth.
01:03:50.620 If I don't have the change right, I fucking lose my shit.
01:03:53.120 So to be carrying a, you know, a portal to be in everything that just get, you're, you're
01:04:03.100 like that.
01:04:03.520 You're the Greyhound station of the Lord.
01:04:09.420 And you know how much things get left at a Greyhound?
01:04:13.360 All kind of this than that and old jacket.
01:04:15.940 Somebody left a damn, uh, uh, oven mitt over there and half a milk.
01:04:23.780 Dude, I saw a sister drinking a can of damn Similac one time.
01:04:28.840 Calling somebody a homo on the phone once at Philadelphia over there by the bus, by the Greyhound.
01:04:34.440 So it's all kind of shit.
01:04:37.500 You know, and being a mom, being all that, there's a lot coming at you.
01:04:43.420 You're a, you're the, you're the nucleus, really, of the family, really, in a lot of
01:04:50.880 ways, a lot passing through you.
01:04:54.180 And there's a lot that's been going on in history.
01:04:56.320 You know, I think so many things happened over the past centuries, wars and battles and
01:05:04.920 love and loss.
01:05:06.720 And only now in the present society, really, are we really at a place where we've come
01:05:14.800 up kind of for air, where all of our needs are kind of met, where we can look at our
01:05:21.580 emotions, see what's going on, how we feel, what's happening.
01:05:24.680 And it makes perfect sense to take time and clean your mirror.
01:05:40.220 So I'm proud of you.
01:05:43.120 Yeah, look, even NASCAR, they put them, dude, they do nine laps and pull them bitches in the
01:05:48.580 shop.
01:05:48.920 And those are the most greatest cars on earth.
01:05:57.720 So it makes sense that we take time to take care of ourselves.
01:06:02.020 It makes sense that we find ways to be happy and take care of ourselves.
01:06:05.700 So I'm proud of you.
01:06:07.360 I don't think there's anything.
01:06:11.300 Yeah.
01:06:11.860 Look, this is your time.
01:06:12.860 It's mother.
01:06:13.280 This mother's week is your time.
01:06:14.900 So, yeah, you take care of yourself.
01:06:18.640 Take all the time that you need.
01:06:23.480 Yeah, it's important.
01:06:24.380 We have to take care.
01:06:25.560 Yeah, if you don't have yourself, what do you have?
01:06:29.920 Sometimes I find I'm hurrying for what?
01:06:37.000 I've always felt like that in my life.
01:06:38.840 I've got to hurry, get this done so I can.
01:06:42.080 But there's not a thing.
01:06:44.900 There's never a thing that I'm hurt.
01:06:47.340 It's like somebody's fired a gun at a starting line a long time ago, and I've just been going.
01:06:53.800 So take time to take care of yourself.
01:07:00.780 Play girl, we doing good.
01:07:02.560 What else?
01:07:03.080 Not much, dude.
01:07:04.680 Shaved my chest the other day, feeling okay about that, a little nervous about it.
01:07:11.200 You know, my tits don't look exactly like I would like, but that's God.
01:07:15.280 That's what he's doing.
01:07:17.160 You know, one of my tits looks like a little bit of like a melt, like somebody put a scoop of ice cream,
01:07:21.360 but it's just starting to melt a little.
01:07:24.560 So, but hey, who don't love a little bit of sweet cream?
01:07:30.580 Can I have some?
01:07:31.740 I want to thank you guys.
01:07:35.200 I want to thank you mothers for being mothers.
01:07:40.160 We're going to go out this kind of a sad song, but I used to listen to this song a lot when I needed to process feelings of connection that I didn't have with my own mother.
01:07:53.620 I would listen to this, not all the time, but I would listen to when I really was in a moment where I was like, okay, I need to, you know, when I could feel some of those feelings come on, I would listen to this song because it would help me process them.
01:08:07.320 And it would help me get those out of my, uh, system, you know, um, so let's listen to that.
01:08:19.880 Now this is Evan Bartels, the devil, God, and me, uh, happy mother's day to all of the mothers out there.
01:08:27.100 Um, we love you and, uh, and thank you for what you do.
01:08:32.320 And, um, thank you.
01:08:38.260 Be good to yourselves.
01:08:39.360 You know that, baby gang.
01:08:48.320 Now this is an emo one.
01:08:50.480 So if you don't like that emo, then go on.
01:08:52.800 Go on about yourself.
01:08:53.700 Nobody's keeping you here.
01:08:56.160 Gang, baby.
01:08:58.040 Evan Bartels, man.
01:09:02.320 Love y'all, baby.
01:09:14.640 Oh, mother, may I open my eyes
01:09:19.840 Cause there's a great big world waiting right outside
01:09:26.880 Mother, may I raise my voice
01:09:35.180 Mother, may I raise my voice
01:09:35.220 Mother, may I raise my voice
01:09:35.240 We the people have that choice
01:09:42.360 Mother, may I raise my head
01:09:50.300 Mother, may I raise my voice
01:09:59.780 Mother, may I raise my voice
01:10:05.180 Mother, may I raise my voice
01:10:05.760 Mother, may I raise my voice
01:10:07.480 Mother, may I raise my voice