This Past Weekend with Theo Von - E454 Mark Normand

00:00:00.000 We hope you're enjoying your Air Canada flight.

00:00:02.320 Rocky's Vacation, here we come.

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00:00:09.620 Sweet! 0.95

00:00:10.720 Fast-free Wi-Fi means I can make dinner reservations before we land.

00:00:14.760 And with live TV, I'm not missing the game.

00:00:17.800 It's kind of like, I'm already on vacation.

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00:00:28.580 See AirCanada.com.

00:00:30.000 We have some new tour dates, and these are some new ones.

00:00:33.160 Memphis, Tennessee, we've added a show.

00:00:35.860 August 4th and 5th at the Cannon Center for the Performing Arts.

00:00:40.820 I know the Chattanooga show sold out.

00:00:43.540 Don't worry.

00:00:44.600 Don't go get a fancy price ticket.

00:00:46.640 We will come back, and you'll have another opportunity.

00:00:51.000 Toronto, Ontario.

00:00:54.160 August 30th, an 8th show added in Toronto.

00:00:56.920 San Jose, California.

00:00:58.460 We've added a second show.

00:01:00.400 September 14th and 13th.

00:01:04.700 Oakland, California.

00:01:07.360 September 16th at the Paramount.

00:01:09.640 Akron, Ohio.

00:01:10.680 We've added a show on the 8th or 7th.

00:01:15.420 Washington, D.C.

00:01:17.460 We've added a show.

00:01:19.620 October 19th and 20th.

00:01:21.340 If your city is sold out, just keep an eye out.

00:01:24.560 We'll come back through.

00:01:26.320 We also have some tickets left for Windsor, Ontario on August 18th.

00:01:31.580 Get your tickets through Theovan.com slash T-O-U-R. 0.99

00:01:36.400 And thank you so much for coming out and supporting the Return of the Rat Tour.

00:01:39.420 Today's guest has a new special coming out on Netflix.

00:01:45.340 Next week, you'll want to get a hold of that.

00:01:50.280 He's unbelievable.

00:01:51.720 The special is called Soup to Nuts.

00:01:54.140 He's one of a kind.

00:01:55.960 He has two of his own podcasts called We Might Be Drunk and Tuesdays with Stories.

00:02:01.440 He's from New Orleans.

00:02:05.300 He's a Louisiana boy like myself.

00:02:07.380 I'm always in awe of his talent.

00:02:09.980 And I'm grateful to spend time with him today.

00:02:12.260 Today's guest is Mr. Mark Norman.

00:02:15.080 Shine that light on me

00:02:19.280 I'll sit and tell you my stories

00:02:25.020 Shine on me

00:02:29.960 And I will find a song

00:02:34.200 I've been singing

00:02:35.380 I love this stuff

00:02:36.460 I love this stuff

00:02:40.400 I mean, you've been through a lot.

00:02:45.040 We both, dude, we made it.

00:02:46.500 Yeah, hell yeah.

00:02:47.760 You were in Edmonton.

00:02:48.860 Sin City, baby.

00:02:50.460 Yeah, the, uh

00:02:51.760 There was smoke in the air.

00:02:54.640 They had some wildfires going on

00:02:57.700 And the governor said that they had to cancel the show on Friday. 0.99

00:03:03.820 Oh, damn. 0.98

00:03:05.020 So we had to cancel and stay an extra day. 0.99

00:03:07.740 Was it all brown up there in the sky?

00:03:09.620 Like Trudeau's face?

00:03:11.240 He was Indian or something.

00:03:13.060 Yeah, that's true.

00:03:13.880 He was, uh

00:03:14.700 Like one of those lamp buddies, I think.

00:03:17.240 He was like Aladdin.

00:03:18.500 I don't know.

00:03:19.120 And that's not a racial term.

00:03:20.140 I don't know what the

00:03:20.880 Lamp buddy's good.

00:03:22.220 That's magical.

00:03:23.340 Which I don't even think is Indian.

00:03:25.160 Maybe I got that, what is that?

00:03:26.440 Middle Eastern? 0.75

00:03:28.180 Alibaba?

00:03:29.160 I'm not sure.

00:03:30.060 I think, dude, it would be awesome if you could actually rub on an, on a

00:03:33.780 Woman? 0.96

00:03:35.140 Yeah, that'd be always good.

00:03:36.900 Yeah, that's fun.

00:03:39.080 If you could rub on an Indian person and they had to do something for you. 0.99

00:03:43.900 They had to grant a wish?

00:03:45.140 Yeah.

00:03:45.660 That would be nice.

00:03:46.780 They also have to face Mecca when they piss or something. 0.54

00:03:49.960 Oh, wow.

00:03:50.760 Maybe that's not India. 1.00

00:03:52.180 A couple of ignorant honkies here. 1.00

00:03:53.820 Yeah, welcome to ignorant honkies, dude. 1.00

00:03:58.560 Ignorant honkies in the morning. 1.00

00:04:01.100 Welcome to ignorant honkies in the morning, dude. 1.00

00:04:03.380 We're out here. 0.99

00:04:04.320 We're live.

00:04:05.300 Bro, we just got through like some bad, I feel like you're like a battered spouse.

00:04:08.940 You've been up all night.

00:04:09.840 Oh, I'm rode hard and put away wet.

00:04:11.940 Yeah, we stayed up all night.

00:04:13.040 It was the last night of the Fully Loaded Tour.

00:04:15.720 Slip and slide all day, drinking all day.

00:04:17.900 Giant amphitheater at the gorge.

00:04:20.080 15,000 people.

00:04:21.740 What? 0.99

00:04:21.960 Drinking, I did some shrooms, I'm gay, we did it up. 0.98

00:04:27.000 Oh, definitely. 0.99

00:04:27.960 If you don't end gay at the end, then you're out. 0.99

00:04:31.080 If you're on drugs and you go gay, I think you're good. 1.00

00:04:34.060 Yeah. 0.99

00:04:34.600 It was just a thing.

00:04:35.560 I just tried it.

00:04:36.600 Oh, yeah, man. 0.96

00:04:37.360 That cocaine gets a little gay at the bottom of the bag. 1.00

00:04:40.000 That's true, especially with this shit. 1.00

00:04:41.980 Yeah. 1.00

00:04:43.660 Nothing gayer than that move.

00:04:45.040 Oh, the last two balls of an eight ball are on another dude, usually.

00:04:50.260 Eight balls, that's four dudes. 0.94

00:04:52.040 That's a lot, bro. 0.98

00:04:53.560 Yeah. 0.94

00:04:54.240 Gay dudes name that appropriately, man. 1.00

00:04:56.340 Yeah, dude, I saw the videos. 0.90

00:04:59.280 That looked magical.

00:05:00.420 I saw, I don't know if it was Bert or you, someone put up a video of you guys waking people up

00:05:06.500 and just showing them where you were at on the bus when you got up in the morning.

00:05:11.020 Yeah, yeah.

00:05:11.740 Well, the bus gets crazy because you drink all night on the bus because you're just sitting

00:05:14.540 there and then I had one last year was me, Shane Gillis, Joey Diaz, Big J, and Bert.

00:05:21.100 It was like a sleep apnea convention and Joey's like, that's how he sleeps with a feather

00:05:26.560 going up and down.

00:05:27.540 Oh, yeah.

00:05:28.060 Dude, his CPAP machine one time I saw had a bowl of weed built in it.

00:05:32.200 I'm like, I don't think that's.

00:05:36.020 That'd be a hell of a bong though, huh? 1.00

00:05:37.760 Yeah, that's one way to do it, dude.

00:05:39.860 Yeah, yeah.

00:05:40.420 It goes right to the lungs.

00:05:43.360 But yeah, fun time.

00:05:44.300 It was magical.

00:05:45.020 The sun is setting.

00:05:45.860 You ever been to the gorge?

00:05:46.740 No, I've never been able to sell 15,000 tickets.

00:05:49.700 Wow, that's Bert, you know.

00:05:51.340 But it's such an event and there's catering and beer trucks and slip inside.

00:05:56.060 There's all these events and activities and it's incredible.

00:06:00.260 Oh, that's one vote for Trump right there.

00:06:04.380 Well, you can see we're in a boom.

00:06:05.920 Like you look out in this audience like, oh, we are in a comedy boom.

00:06:08.060 We're right in the eye of the storm here.

00:06:09.700 Dude, it really is.

00:06:10.480 I mean, people want to come out.

00:06:12.100 What do you think that is?

00:06:13.060 Why do you think it's at such a like a wild time where people want to come out and I have

00:06:18.480 a couple theories and then I want to talk to you if you like it this way or if you liked

00:06:22.960 it more when it was a niche art form in a basement.

00:06:25.500 So that was kind of romantic.

00:06:27.320 But I think comedy is huge right now because A, the internet, you can just, before you had a Comedy Central

00:06:33.220 and an HBO hour, that was it really, or some albums. 0.98

00:06:36.720 So it's just so much and we got used to it and HR is up everybody's ass. 0.97

00:06:42.080 So when you come out there and start queefing, it feels good. 1.00

00:06:45.440 Right, right.

00:06:46.860 So they, yeah, these people haven't heard a good queef.

00:06:49.000 They haven't heard a queef through a mic. 1.00

00:06:50.480 They haven't heard somebody pop off.

00:06:52.320 They haven't, they haven't heard any risk.

00:06:55.460 Yes, exactly.

00:06:56.580 And people like that risk.

00:06:57.720 They live for it.

00:06:59.020 I used to go dark at shows and I'd be like, Jesus Christ.

00:07:01.640 Now I go dark and they're like, yeah. 1.00

00:07:03.740 Shoot it in my face. 1.00

00:07:04.820 Yeah. 1.00

00:07:05.120 Yeah, my daughter's fucking a black guy. 1.00

00:07:08.380 Somebody yelled at it at one of my shows. 1.00

00:07:09.860 Really?

00:07:10.540 Yeah.

00:07:10.860 And people were like, all right, man.

00:07:13.620 I think, yeah, there's sometimes people just coming to get something off of their chest.

00:07:17.240 Yeah, for sure.

00:07:18.260 Because he's been thinking about that, but he can't say that at the FedEx plant he works at.

00:07:22.780 Nuh-uh.

00:07:24.180 Was he happy or was he like, ugh?

00:07:26.340 I think it was kind of like, he kind of, it was like halfway fist in the air.

00:07:30.280 Oh, not a full white power. 0.94

00:07:32.180 Yeah.

00:07:32.420 Yeah, it's like a little, yeah, like a mixed power. 1.00

00:07:35.380 A mixed power.

00:07:36.400 Yeah.

00:07:37.000 It's kind of true because it's like, that's white power, this is black power. 1.00

00:07:41.100 Yeah, that's true.

00:07:42.280 There's not much, I mean.

00:07:43.540 Not much in the middle.

00:07:44.460 Yeah.

00:07:44.920 So if you just raise your hand and ask her, like, if you're just a mixed guy, you're just 0.99

00:07:49.160 kind of curious.

00:07:49.900 Right.

00:07:50.540 Yeah.

00:07:52.440 That's interracial power. 1.00

00:07:54.200 Yeah.

00:07:54.840 Which is the worst Captain Planet episode.

00:07:59.460 Dude.

00:08:00.200 Yeah, that looked magical for you guys, right?

00:08:02.200 But I was like, I was really jealous in a way.

00:08:04.840 I mean, I was just like, wow, this is unbelievable.

00:08:08.700 It is.

00:08:09.260 What's it like getting to be, because I always am just by myself usually, you know, I'll

00:08:13.040 have like Ari Maness, I'll have like Laura Peake. 1.00

00:08:17.080 Oh, good eggs.

00:08:18.020 Or Matty Smith.

00:08:18.880 Yeah, funny folks.

00:08:20.660 But it's not like getting out there with such a group.

00:08:25.980 Yeah.

00:08:26.500 Does it feel more pressure?

00:08:27.580 Does it get competitive when there's that many folks on the lineup? 0.99

00:08:31.140 A little bit, and then you just want to kill, and you don't want to be the one to fuck 0.97

00:08:34.860 it up. 0.95

00:08:35.220 But it's also nice to hang with comics, because, you know, we're getting more successful.

00:08:40.020 So you just start potting, and then you do your tour, and then you sit in your apartment

00:08:43.700 or your house for a week.

00:08:45.240 And this is like all day.

00:08:47.000 I've got Santino over here, and, you know, Dave Attell over there, and it's just fun,

00:08:52.660 and it's good to be with comics again.

00:08:55.400 It's just, it's like summer camp with booze. 0.99

00:08:58.060 Damn. 0.99

00:08:59.320 And you guys do a lot of events on Burt's tour, it seemed like. 0.99

00:09:02.100 I saw somebody eating an Uncrustable.

00:09:05.300 Oh, I missed that one.

00:09:07.300 I don't know if that's an event.

00:09:08.720 I don't know.

00:09:11.040 A couple of, it was a couple of kind of, like, I don't want to say, a couple thicker guys

00:09:14.740 eating, you know, like, I don't think they were sharing one.

00:09:17.340 Is that, is that, what is that, the PB&J thing?

00:09:20.080 Yeah.

00:09:20.560 Oh, those are good.

00:09:21.680 It was Stavaros.

00:09:23.320 Oh, yeah, he was there.

00:09:24.700 He was there?

00:09:25.580 Yeah, man, it's a good crew.

00:09:27.060 They handpicked the right people.

00:09:28.780 But those Uncrustables, you got to watch out.

00:09:30.340 I mean, I think that killed Ralphie Mae.

00:09:32.240 I wouldn't be surprised.

00:09:33.400 And this is the town that he died in, man.

00:09:35.340 Is that right?

00:09:36.240 Yeah. 1.00

00:09:36.500 Oh, shit. 1.00

00:09:37.440 Ralphie used to live, like, less than a mile from here. 1.00

00:09:39.840 Whoa.

00:09:40.960 I know. 1.00

00:09:42.080 Damn. 0.99

00:09:42.600 Does Shamu around here? 1.00

00:09:44.040 I know.

00:09:44.360 SeaWorld?

00:09:44.720 I don't know.

00:09:45.020 All right.

00:09:45.760 Sorry.

00:09:46.760 That's it.

00:09:47.620 He's dead.

00:09:48.580 R.I.P.

00:09:50.060 Mixed power.

00:09:51.020 Yeah.

00:09:52.500 Mixed power, dude.

00:09:54.140 Well, I was open the whole time.

00:09:55.440 Ah.

00:09:56.580 Dude, yeah, man.

00:09:57.540 You, um, you've been doing great.

00:10:00.220 I mean, you just keep doing better, man.

00:10:01.480 I got to say, your new special, I'm going to think he's all just to tell you.

00:10:04.080 Dude, it's so funny, man.

00:10:05.520 I can't believe you watched it.

00:10:06.680 I appreciate it.

00:10:07.620 Dude, it is.

00:10:09.580 It made me, like, I mean, you're just, I think you're one of the best joke writers that there

00:10:14.640 is.

00:10:15.880 And it's just so many jokes nonstop.

00:10:19.060 So even if you hate your date that you're watching it with, there's more humor coming.

00:10:23.560 Right, right, right.

00:10:24.740 Like, you don't have to lean over and even check in with him or her.

00:10:27.500 Right.

00:10:27.860 You know, you're like, I can, this guy has me from the beginning to the end.

00:10:32.440 Hey, I appreciate it.

00:10:33.520 I worked hard on it, and I can't have silence, so I got to keep putting punchlines in.

00:10:38.380 Some of these comics go out there, they're sitting on a stool, they're cool as a cucumber.

00:10:42.120 I got to keep zinging.

00:10:43.320 Yeah.

00:10:43.780 Or I pan, and I think I'm kind of a boring guy.

00:10:46.880 Do you ever feel like that?

00:10:47.580 Like, I feel like when I go on stage, everybody's like, all right, we can pee now.

00:10:50.720 Because I'm like, I'm regular looking. 0.87

00:10:53.720 I'm not the fat guy or the gay guy. 0.98

00:10:56.620 Yeah. 0.98

00:10:57.060 So I feel like I'm boring them, so I got to really machine gun it.

00:11:01.140 Wow.

00:11:02.040 That's interesting.

00:11:03.580 Yeah, you wonder sometimes why I got, like, why, well, first of all, the silence thing

00:11:08.400 I can totally relate to.

00:11:09.600 Yeah.

00:11:09.920 It's like, if there was silence, I always am like, okay, how long am I safe in this silence?

00:11:17.780 Yes, exactly.

00:11:19.000 But there's two kinds of silence. 0.98

00:11:20.860 There's the, shit, I'm freaking out silence, and then there's that, like, let me hold you 0.99

00:11:24.060 guys in the palm of my hand silence, and then hit you with a big tension breaker. 1.00

00:11:28.800 Yeah.

00:11:29.580 And I can't do either.

00:11:32.140 I suck at silence.

00:11:33.760 I think it's a parental. 0.82

00:11:34.740 My parents, they do a thing where they don't respond to you.

00:11:37.940 You ever have this?

00:11:38.700 Mm-hmm.

00:11:39.160 You know, like, my mom will be like, so, what'd you do yesterday?

00:11:42.440 How was your flight?

00:11:43.160 Oh, it was crazy.

00:11:44.120 Terrorists came on the plane, and they put guns on the pilot's head, and I beat one of them

00:11:48.060 up, and they're like, well, it's unseasonably hot, huh?

00:11:51.400 And you're like, come on!

00:11:52.360 Nothing on the terrorist thing!

00:11:54.680 Yeah, why?

00:11:55.480 Yeah.

00:11:55.840 Do you think that's it?

00:11:56.720 Like, does it come from, like, when we were kids?

00:11:59.020 Like, why is it that some of us, some of us work with the silence better?

00:12:04.640 Like, Dave Chappelle loves silence now.

00:12:06.500 Yes.

00:12:06.520 Like, he'll backstroke in the silence.

00:12:08.700 He'll have a couple cigarettes while things are quiet.

00:12:13.220 You know, some, like, Anthony Jezelnik knows that, I mean, he's a master of silence.

00:12:18.900 Oh, he's great, yeah. 0.99

00:12:19.920 He's a fuck, he's like a, like, Hans Zimmer of silence, you know? 1.00

00:12:24.800 Yes, yes, the Zim. 1.00

00:12:26.460 But why do, yeah, why is it, yeah, if things got silent, like, I even notice it if I'm,

00:12:31.320 like, dating someone or something.

00:12:32.880 Yeah, oh, that's scary. 0.89

00:12:34.520 And things are fucking quiet. 0.84

00:12:35.980 I think I don't know how they're feeling. 0.95

00:12:38.200 Yes, exactly.

00:12:40.740 And it's like, I can't stand to not know how somebody is feeling.

00:12:45.560 Yeah, you gotta give me feedback.

00:12:46.680 That's what's so great about comedy, you say a thing, they laugh, you say a thing, you laugh,

00:12:50.480 there's a back and forth, but some people give you nothing.

00:12:53.960 Yeah.

00:12:54.500 You ever have an Uber driver, and he's trying to chat with you, so you're like, all right,

00:12:58.160 I'll chat, and then you start talking, and he gives you nothing back.

00:13:01.140 Yeah, yeah.

00:13:01.740 That's my superpower, is I can say something and have no one respond, like at a party. 0.99

00:13:06.680 Oh, damn, what a horrible power. 0.99

00:13:08.680 It's a horrible power, I'm the worst Avenger. 1.00

00:13:11.980 But, uh.

00:13:12.980 You're just talking, and people just kind of just peel off?

00:13:15.580 Yeah, yeah. 0.97

00:13:16.420 Yeah, I think I say weird shit, you know, especially around normal people, like non-comedians. 1.00

00:13:21.160 You know, you're like, what's up with the black people not being able to swim? 1.00

00:13:23.400 And they're like, all right, we gotta get out of here, the meter's running, or whatever. 1.00

00:13:28.320 And I'm not trying to, you know, say crazy shit, I'm just saying what I think. 0.95

00:13:33.440 Like, oh, yeah, I think saying something, I would say things like around, my big thing was if I was around like a buddy and their family and stuff, I would spill an insane secret about my buddy in front of his parents. 0.97

00:13:45.100 In order to create any sort of environment that didn't, that I could watch.

00:13:51.140 Yes.

00:13:51.540 And not have to be like the person that had the major, like, um, like didn't have like a real partnership in that exchange.

00:14:01.720 Right, right.

00:14:02.560 And you get to watch, and now they're going, no, mom, that's not true.

00:14:05.140 And she's like, well, you told me this, and now you're eating popcorn.

00:14:07.900 Yeah.

00:14:08.140 God, I loved that.

00:14:10.100 That is, you know what else is nice?

00:14:11.920 I have two friends, mutual friends who are fighting, and I'm in the middle.

00:14:16.520 I love being in the middle of two friends fighting because they both keep coming to me.

00:14:21.080 Like, can you believe he said this?

00:14:22.440 Can you believe he said that?

00:14:23.580 Blah, blah.

00:14:23.860 And I'm like, I know, I know.

00:14:25.260 And I love it because I'm off the hook.

00:14:26.920 Yeah.

00:14:27.160 But I get to be the good guy, help both friends, and they hate each other.

00:14:31.220 Yeah.

00:14:31.780 It's a blast.

00:14:35.000 Dude, it is fun when friends are fighting.

00:14:36.660 You feel like you have something to do.

00:14:38.580 Yes, yes, exactly.

00:14:40.360 And they're so into it. 1.00

00:14:41.940 They're like, fuck this guy out. 1.00

00:14:43.080 I'm like, I know, he sucks. 1.00

00:14:44.220 Then the other guy's like, I know, he's the worst. 1.00

00:14:46.080 I'm like, oh, so bad.

00:14:47.640 And is that Bird and Joe?

00:14:49.820 Oh, jeez.

00:14:52.720 Boy, you're good, wouldn't you?

00:14:54.540 Nancy Drew over here?

00:14:55.780 No, Ari Shafir was talking about it.

00:14:59.640 Yeah, yeah.

00:15:00.440 I don't know if they want us to bring it up.

00:15:02.660 Oh, okay, I didn't know that.

00:15:03.740 I thought it was a...

00:15:05.120 Ari will bring anything. 0.98

00:15:05.800 He'll put something in your drink, for Christ's sake.

00:15:07.680 He will, dude.

00:15:08.540 Yeah.

00:15:09.160 He'll put that story in Bert's drink.

00:15:13.240 Ari, I think you could...

00:15:14.400 Bring up the look back on Ari's face just now, even looking at this. 1.00

00:15:17.380 Look at this.

00:15:18.000 Yeah, this is him. 0.98

00:15:19.060 He's a little Jewish troublemaker. 1.00

00:15:20.620 But this is the perfect look of a face of somebody who's like, hey, look at this. 0.99

00:15:26.540 I'm about to show you the fucking uncomfort between these other two people. 0.99

00:15:32.080 You know, you said you like to throw it at the mom and your friend. 0.99

00:15:35.180 That's what he does, but on a huge platform.

00:15:38.000 Yeah, he does.

00:15:38.640 He did it with the Kobe thing.

00:15:39.860 He likes the big...

00:15:41.800 The drama. 1.00

00:15:42.740 Yeah, he likes that big fucking bomb. 1.00

00:15:45.200 He does. 1.00

00:15:46.020 He loves it.

00:15:47.540 And I get it to a point, because we're all nervous about people not liking us or whatever.

00:15:52.740 So if you just go in all the way and give them a reason not to like you, instead of just

00:15:58.360 them not liking you genuinely...

00:15:59.960 Are you wondering if they don't like you?

00:16:02.000 Yes.

00:16:02.460 But if you're like, hey, just don't like me.

00:16:04.880 Exactly.

00:16:05.420 Now you kind of have control of it.

00:16:06.880 Yeah.

00:16:08.080 Interesting.

00:16:08.820 Yeah, dude, this strike came up.

00:16:13.380 Isn't it nice to not have to worry about that?

00:16:16.700 Yeah, I feel for them.

00:16:18.240 I hope they get the...

00:16:19.340 I think it'll come around.

00:16:21.380 The SAG after strike.

00:16:22.820 Yeah, right here.

00:16:23.700 Negotiations cratered over AI, streaming revenue sharing, pay hikes, and more.

00:16:30.780 Can you get to that article just a little bit?

00:16:32.320 That's tough.

00:16:33.060 I did like what Fran Drescher said.

00:16:34.540 I thought it was pretty cool.

00:16:35.220 Did you see her video?

00:16:36.400 No, the nanny? 0.64

00:16:37.340 Yeah.

00:16:37.640 I used to have a crush on her as a kid.

00:16:39.340 Oh, who didn't, dude?

00:16:41.940 It's a weird choice that she's the head of this.

00:16:44.140 How did it become her?

00:16:45.140 Well, the funny thing was a lot of people didn't know, right?

00:16:47.140 Yeah.

00:16:47.700 Because you get the things in the mailbox that's like, vote for this person, you know?

00:16:51.840 And I always try to vote for like, the crit...

00:16:55.740 You know, I vote for like the wildest person to put in there.

00:16:58.160 Because sometimes they're on there.

00:16:59.280 Right.

00:16:59.500 You know, it's like Wendy Williams.

00:17:01.280 Yeah, Kanye.

00:17:03.020 Yeah, or Robert F.K. Jr.

00:17:04.800 Yeah.

00:17:05.620 Let's put somebody in there. 0.88

00:17:07.200 Yeah.

00:17:07.420 Who's really going to make something happen?

00:17:09.500 Yeah, let's shake it up.

00:17:11.100 Yeah, or even that little...

00:17:12.220 They had a little person that was on like a soap opera.

00:17:18.160 Hmm.

00:17:19.220 And he was always getting attacked by cats, you know, on there.

00:17:22.440 What?

00:17:22.920 Yeah.

00:17:23.360 And I tried to vote him in a couple years.

00:17:26.860 What soap opera was that?

00:17:28.700 Google soap opera little person.

00:17:30.420 I got to see this.

00:17:31.400 Oh, this guy was beautiful, man.

00:17:33.940 Really?

00:17:34.880 Yeah.

00:17:35.360 I think I even did it.

00:17:36.640 I even donated to a GoFundMe for him. 0.99

00:17:38.840 Oh, damn. 0.99

00:17:40.140 That's him right there. 1.00

00:17:41.540 Whoa.

00:17:42.100 That's not...

00:17:42.640 That's a kid.

00:17:43.700 Passions.

00:17:44.200 That was him.

00:17:45.400 You sure that's not just a child?

00:17:47.160 I mean...

00:17:48.000 Or is that a midge?

00:17:49.860 I mean, I think you call Josh Ryan Evans.

00:17:52.600 That was him.

00:17:53.300 God.

00:17:53.780 Man, that's a scary looking...

00:17:55.580 Beautiful.

00:17:56.060 He looks like Kim Zolciak.

00:17:59.400 Kim Zolciak.

00:18:00.640 Or in the face.

00:18:01.260 He looks like Corey Bierman's wife.

00:18:03.280 Oh, okay.

00:18:04.880 Oh, is he Willow?

00:18:06.520 No, I think Willow might have been his father.

00:18:08.780 Oh, big shoes.

00:18:10.740 Well, small shoes to fill.

00:18:13.240 But yeah.

00:18:14.040 Yeah, but he definitely...

00:18:16.240 Oh, he was on Passions.

00:18:17.900 And he...

00:18:18.900 And yeah, he was just...

00:18:21.860 God, he was so beautiful.

00:18:23.280 And I remember there's this famous episode.

00:18:26.540 Because I saw two...

00:18:28.620 I saw a little person fighting two cats one time at a...

00:18:33.880 Wow.

00:18:34.940 Was that pay-per-view?

00:18:36.020 No.

00:18:36.560 It should have been.

00:18:37.540 Yeah.

00:18:38.380 It was unsanctioned.

00:18:40.020 And there was...

00:18:41.120 It was down in Hermosa.

00:18:42.500 I was going down there to like a beach event or something.

00:18:44.440 Yeah.

00:18:44.580 And I'm walking.

00:18:45.320 And there's a little person, I mean, battling two cats in like a carport.

00:18:49.280 Oh, my God.

00:18:50.400 What a sight.

00:18:51.280 And other people.

00:18:52.160 And he like looked over to help.

00:18:53.640 And I'm like, I don't even know whose side I'm on.

00:18:56.080 Right.

00:18:56.500 Yeah.

00:18:56.640 What'd you do to the cats?

00:18:57.980 You know, I got to hear their side.

00:18:59.240 Yeah.

00:18:59.540 And a lot of people don't believe in little people.

00:19:01.280 You know, they're like, this is, you know, we got to stop this.

00:19:05.320 You know, there's all types of kind of unique theories out there.

00:19:08.720 But...

00:19:08.840 Yeah.

00:19:09.200 And I used to tell a...

00:19:10.500 And then I told a story about it on stage for a while.

00:19:13.000 But anyway, yeah.

00:19:15.900 I remember that guy and...

00:19:18.400 Deep cut.

00:19:18.940 You know what the tough...

00:19:19.580 You know, we're all friends with Brad Williams and...

00:19:21.720 Oh, yeah.

00:19:22.280 Met Wee Man once.

00:19:23.820 The puffy hands are what throws me every time.

00:19:27.040 Yeah.

00:19:27.460 And I don't know...

00:19:28.080 And you know what?

00:19:28.500 I feel bad.

00:19:29.040 I don't know sometimes when I shake a hand of a little person, I don't know if I should

00:19:33.060 go down and kind of...

00:19:34.180 Yes.

00:19:34.840 You know, because you want to give them like a hug like you do everybody else, a little

00:19:37.260 half hug.

00:19:37.940 Right.

00:19:38.260 But then I don't know if me going down to...

00:19:40.760 Like, coming down more to their height makes them upset or something.

00:19:44.440 I want to do the same thing.

00:19:46.060 I just pick them up and zerber them.

00:19:48.560 That's what I do.

00:19:49.520 Just to knock it out.

00:19:51.100 Oh, like Biden did with that girl.

00:19:52.700 Did you see that?

00:19:53.720 Oh, my God.

00:19:54.920 He likes to sniff those gals' hair. 1.00

00:19:57.400 Oh, yeah.

00:19:58.160 He likes... 0.99

00:19:58.800 He fucking nibbled on that one little... 1.00

00:20:02.480 It was a little wider... 1.00

00:20:03.920 It was like a delicacy, I think, for him.

00:20:06.000 Bring that one up. 0.80

00:20:06.960 Can you see that?

00:20:08.040 Can you get on Twitter and find some of these?

00:20:09.940 He's like a vampire.

00:20:11.580 That's how he gets his energy.

00:20:12.980 Oh.

00:20:13.360 Smelling kids.

00:20:14.760 Yeah.

00:20:15.240 And he goes, oh.

00:20:16.580 He really put it on that kid.

00:20:18.160 There was that wild video where he's...

00:20:20.320 I mean, sniffing all those kids.

00:20:22.420 How old are you?

00:20:23.680 Yeah.

00:20:24.340 Yeah.

00:20:24.700 That was a crazy montage.

00:20:26.300 He should sniff a little boy just to even it out. 0.99

00:20:29.040 Yeah, that's true. 0.65

00:20:29.980 Especially gay rights people should be like, hey, sniff a boy. 1.00

00:20:34.060 Right. 0.52

00:20:34.740 Right.

00:20:35.100 Exactly.

00:20:35.580 Or sniff a...

00:20:37.100 You know, sniff a...

00:20:39.000 I'd love to see him huff on a couple darker children. 1.00

00:20:41.860 Yes.

00:20:42.320 Yeah, it'd be nice.

00:20:43.540 To be honest. 0.56

00:20:44.420 And hit some animals, too.

00:20:45.720 Like, mix it up.

00:20:46.480 So maybe people just think that's your thing.

00:20:48.400 Yeah.

00:20:48.720 Or catch...

00:20:49.180 I'd love to see him catch a little bit of dander off of a...

00:20:51.640 Off of a...

00:20:52.520 You know...

00:20:53.660 Yeah.

00:20:54.240 Some type of a pet or even a Middle Eastern child.

00:20:56.980 Yeah.

00:20:57.860 Now we're talking. 0.98

00:20:58.960 You know, get a hit of something that's really going to fucking... 0.99

00:21:00.960 You know, oh, you catch a little bit of cardamom off of a Bangladeshi kid? 0.99

00:21:04.880 That'll keep you up for two days, man. 0.85

00:21:07.820 And he's out here riding these white kids the easy prey, too. 0.96

00:21:11.060 Yeah, come on. 0.96

00:21:12.480 Too easy.

00:21:13.340 I mean, how weird...

00:21:14.280 It is really strange, right?

00:21:16.040 It's very odd.

00:21:16.980 Yeah.

00:21:17.640 He's like the drunk friend at the bar.

00:21:19.480 He's slurring words.

00:21:20.300 He keeps falling.

00:21:20.960 And then he's freaking out the gals.

00:21:23.880 I feel like the media just pretends like he's okay.

00:21:26.780 Do you feel that at all?

00:21:27.840 Of course.

00:21:28.260 Of course.

00:21:28.840 Yeah, it's so obvious.

00:21:30.620 They're clearly...

00:21:32.260 They know.

00:21:33.480 They just don't want to...

00:21:34.180 They can't say it. 0.70

00:21:34.720 That's what sucks about the media. 0.97

00:21:36.400 Like, it's so biased. 0.97

00:21:38.840 Just tell me what happened.

00:21:39.980 Yeah.

00:21:40.320 It's so annoying.

00:21:41.220 Like, you know, Fox News... 0.83

00:21:42.960 If it's a white shooter, Fox News won't really cover it.

00:21:46.600 But CNN will. 0.93

00:21:47.660 But if it's a black shooter, CNN won't cover it.

00:21:49.840 But Fox will.

00:21:50.600 It's very strange.

00:21:52.560 Yeah, it is.

00:21:53.140 It's like, yeah, definitely...

00:21:55.080 I think it's another reason why people want to go and see speakers.

00:21:59.740 I mean, not only comedians are selling out or having a lot of big crowds,

00:22:04.280 but speakers are.

00:22:06.860 I mean, guys like Jordan Peterson.

00:22:08.840 True.

00:22:09.720 Lex Friedman.

00:22:10.720 People love listening to him.

00:22:12.060 Oh, yeah.

00:22:12.780 Well, I have a theory that things are so wishy-washy,

00:22:15.960 like gender is very fluid and this and that.

00:22:18.920 Nobody can tell you what's what.

00:22:20.120 But so when some guy comes out in a suit, like an autistic Lex Friedman, 0.95

00:22:24.160 they're like, this is how it is.

00:22:25.660 You're like, all right, thank you.

00:22:27.000 I just need some facts here.

00:22:28.720 Yeah.

00:22:29.280 Enough with the feelings and my truth.

00:22:32.060 What the hell's my truth?

00:22:34.080 Everybody's got a truth.

00:22:35.120 Yeah.

00:22:35.460 OJ had a truth. 0.95

00:22:36.620 Yeah.

00:22:36.800 You know?

00:22:37.240 That's true, dude.

00:22:38.460 So, like, you can't just go by that. 0.99

00:22:39.380 Yeah, some people said he was selling Cutco and shit just went awry. 1.00

00:22:43.760 Damn, that's a bad sale. 1.00

00:22:45.360 When a head comes off. 1.00

00:22:47.260 I read that somewhere that somebody said he was just selling Cutco and things went awry. 1.00

00:22:51.500 Damn. 0.98

00:22:52.320 Dude, did you see, speaking of that, did you see the kid that, 1.00

00:22:54.840 they just had a young man who lost his head?

00:23:00.500 Can you bring this story up?

00:23:02.300 Whoa, lost his head.

00:23:03.560 Yeah, he lost his head and they put his head back on.

00:23:05.980 What?

00:23:07.240 Yeah.

00:23:07.720 Man, AI is getting good.

00:23:09.280 Yeah. 1.00

00:23:10.100 Holy shit. 0.99

00:23:11.980 You ever see the old, it's not a video, but a kid was born with a giant dong and they 0.99

00:23:16.560 had to, what do you call it, reduce it.

00:23:20.980 Yeah, so he had this huge football-shaped dong and his dad said, this is, you got to get rid

00:23:26.840 of this, but still make it a big dong.

00:23:28.660 So they gave him an eight-incher.

00:23:30.300 Nuh-uh.

00:23:30.780 Yeah, they got to bring it back down to eight.

00:23:33.200 Oh, wow, that's great.

00:23:34.380 I know. 1.00

00:23:34.820 I always had a lower, I had an adult penis when I was a child. 1.00

00:23:40.320 Really? 1.00

00:23:40.880 Yeah.

00:23:41.600 Whoa.

00:23:42.060 So it was very, I don't want to say it was challenging, you know, nobody likes to say

00:23:45.960 that, you know.

00:23:47.920 Sure.

00:23:48.520 It's like, you know, it's not like a ball and chain, but it's definitely like, you have

00:23:52.300 to monitor how you kind of move, you know?

00:23:54.380 Whoa, so like, you'd have a diaper with like a, just a mushroom head coming out the side.

00:23:59.220 Yeah.

00:23:59.900 Couldn't fit.

00:24:01.440 Wow.

00:24:01.840 Yeah, I mean, I remember they'd have to get like the fat, like the, they had a different

00:24:06.460 name for them, but like kind of the fatty kid diapers, and they had to, I remember having

00:24:13.360 to sleep on my back or have like even like a little pillow put up against, my mother said.

00:24:19.140 What?

00:24:19.360 Sometimes they would take a roll of my dad's socks and put it up next to my body while

00:24:23.220 I slept, and they would set my wiener on it.

00:24:25.560 Come on.

00:24:26.500 Isn't that crazy? 1.00

00:24:27.420 Damn. 0.99

00:24:27.780 Because they didn't want it to like pull my spine over a different direction or something. 0.99

00:24:31.740 I was very young.

00:24:32.900 Wow, that's a heavy dong.

00:24:34.160 Yeah, it was, you know, when that song Swing Low, Sweet Cherry, it comes on a bucket.

00:24:39.440 But you grew into it.

00:24:41.040 Yeah, yeah, yeah, you grow into it, you know.

00:24:43.300 It happens sometimes.

00:24:44.100 I'm not sure what it's called when you have a adult body part when you're young.

00:24:48.280 Yeah.

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00:27:49.660 Did we get that Fran Drescher video?

00:27:52.800 I can't believe it.

00:27:54.460 Oh, here we go.

00:27:55.260 Quite frankly.

00:27:56.400 How far apart we are on so many things.

00:28:00.100 How they plead poverty.

00:28:02.540 That they're losing money left and right when giving hundreds of millions of dollars to their CEOs. 0.95

00:28:09.920 It is disgusting. 0.95

00:28:12.740 Shame on them. 0.96

00:28:13.680 They stand on the wrong side of history at this very moment.

00:28:20.180 We stand in solidarity.

00:28:23.540 In unprecedented unity.

00:28:27.300 Our union and our sister unions and the unions around the world are standing by us.

00:28:36.220 As well as other labor unions.

00:28:40.640 That's good.

00:28:42.020 That's interesting, huh?

00:28:43.240 I mean, I feel like she really kind of, I feel like she, you definitely feel what she's saying.

00:28:47.200 Yeah.

00:28:47.660 Yeah.

00:28:47.880 They got millions and they can't give the writers some.

00:28:50.100 I know.

00:28:51.200 The residuals thing is a bummer.

00:28:52.880 Well, I think a lot of it goes back to just the history of people not getting residuals.

00:28:58.540 You know, it's like all those years of people on shows and you hear that they don't have, they didn't make any money from, you know, like you hear that a lot about the cast from like Saved by the Bell and stuff like that.

00:29:09.300 Oh, yeah.

00:29:10.100 Like they were on those hit shows.

00:29:12.040 Right.

00:29:12.400 And they didn't, it just wasn't part of their deals.

00:29:16.400 I know.

00:29:17.060 So I think a lot of the, you have that old energy that's built up.

00:29:19.640 So she went through all that, you know.

00:29:22.300 The problem is on Twitter, you have so many people that come out against her and are like, oh, here's a millionaire, you know, trying to say what the regular person wants.

00:29:31.520 Yeah.

00:29:31.620 And it's like, but still somebody has to, somebody has to speak up, you know.

00:29:37.640 Yeah, yeah.

00:29:38.580 And I think they'll be fine, but that sucks to be a writer and just like, ah, we're not going to, we're not going to pay you.

00:29:45.600 Well, also because a lot of the writers, they work on spec, you know, they do a project first and bring it forward.

00:29:52.260 Oh, yeah.

00:29:52.980 So I think when you partner in the fact they're doing all of that work.

00:29:56.560 Yeah.

00:29:57.100 And then, which some of those things never lead anywhere.

00:30:00.200 True.

00:30:00.800 How many friends do we have that have probably written five scripts?

00:30:03.200 I've written three scripts.

00:30:05.800 I've written a million packets.

00:30:07.200 It's SNL, whatever, TV show.

00:30:09.720 Yeah, and they just steal your jokes.

00:30:11.460 Yes.

00:30:12.280 Hey, here's my jokes.

00:30:13.540 Right.

00:30:13.700 And like, you never hear back.

00:30:14.860 I know, you actually have to sign a thing when you turn in a packet that says, hey, this is not yours anymore.

00:30:19.340 You send it to us and you're like, that's my best sketch.

00:30:22.340 I need that.

00:30:23.620 Let me shoot it if you're not going to hire me. 0.99

00:30:26.780 It really is, man. 1.00

00:30:28.140 It's such a, it's a sick business.

00:30:32.680 And there's never any accountability.

00:30:34.260 You don't know once you send that packet off what happens.

00:30:37.420 And then now you have all these, yeah, you have a lot of actors and I guess they're, they're worried about AI, which makes sense.

00:30:43.640 You know, they're worried about all of that.

00:30:45.760 AI is getting good, man.

00:30:47.680 I, people send me jokes that they put an AI in my voice.

00:30:51.280 And I'm like, that's pretty good.

00:30:53.020 That's better than anything I ever had.

00:30:54.360 Also, I'm a robotic guy who tells jokes.

00:30:57.500 Wow. 1.00

00:30:57.860 Now AI is taking my shit. 1.00

00:30:59.920 That's a good point, huh? 1.00

00:31:01.080 Yeah, scary.

00:31:02.120 But I think maybe that's also one of the reasons why people want to come see something that's real.

00:31:06.520 Mm-hmm.

00:31:07.120 I want to come see a human.

00:31:09.580 I want to, I'm sick of talking to a robot when I need my plane ticket fixed.

00:31:14.380 I'm sick of not being able to say anything at work.

00:31:18.180 Everything is like, like goes into like, um, like what the rules of civility are and stuff at work. 0.98

00:31:25.480 And I want to be able to come out and fucking, you know, hear somebody possibly drop an N-bomb. 0.98

00:31:31.360 Yes, yes. 0.99

00:31:32.060 And like little things, you go unhoused.

00:31:34.560 That's what we call homeless people now.

00:31:35.920 So you're at work or you're in the shower going unhoused. 0.99

00:31:37.680 What the fuck is that? 0.99

00:31:38.540 But you can't say anything at work. 1.00

00:31:40.200 So then you go see the, you go to the chuckle hut and you see the guy talk about unhoused.

00:31:44.620 What's that about?

00:31:45.400 Yeah.

00:31:45.740 And you go, ah, I needed that.

00:31:48.080 Yeah.

00:31:48.420 So you're special.

00:31:49.460 Did you feel like you had to get it out?

00:31:51.220 That's what I felt when I was watching.

00:31:52.480 I'm like, Mark's so prolific that he's just got to get this out.

00:31:55.720 No, I'm not one of those guys.

00:31:57.160 I can sit on an hour for a while and just keep honing.

00:32:00.200 I think jokes are better when they marinate over a long period of time.

00:32:04.120 I think people put stuff out too quick.

00:32:05.880 Yeah.

00:32:06.440 You know, I think Louie fucked that up with the hour a year thing.

00:32:09.380 Oh, remember when that pressure came out?

00:32:10.900 Oh, that was new.

00:32:11.960 You got Jay Leno going, I'm doing the something about Reagan, you know?

00:32:16.500 So that fucked everybody up and it kind of made it this weird, the new standard.

00:32:20.740 I'm like, well, that was just him doing that.

00:32:22.900 But now we got to do it?

00:32:24.980 Yeah, that was a lot of pressure.

00:32:26.820 Yeah, but I think people just, I think you're right.

00:32:29.360 That's why this is even popular.

00:32:31.200 Talking.

00:32:31.920 All we're doing is talking, having a conversation, which we used to do all the time.

00:32:35.900 And that kind of even went away.

00:32:37.600 Oh, that's true, huh?

00:32:38.580 People don't get together.

00:32:39.480 Yeah, like when do you, yeah, some of the biggest conversations now are when you hear people

00:32:44.460 talking with like some lost kid that came with a ring doorbell cam.

00:32:47.820 Yeah, ring doorbell, ruin the Jehovah Witness, by the way. 1.00

00:32:52.380 But yeah, like even this weekend, you know when you're hanging out with a guy you kind

00:32:56.720 of know?

00:32:57.760 You know him, but you're not like hanging out every day.

00:33:00.080 And there's that weird moment of awkwardness.

00:33:02.500 Everything in my body is going, ah, get out of here.

00:33:04.500 Look at your phone.

00:33:05.660 Put your headphones in.

00:33:06.920 Do something.

00:33:07.780 But if you just get over that, it's a blast.

00:33:11.080 But we don't want to get over that because comfort, everything is so comfortable now.

00:33:14.760 Oh, yeah.

00:33:15.200 There's definitely that moment.

00:33:16.320 Like, it's like when you're on a diet and they come down the aisle at a plane with the 0.82

00:33:20.320 cookies or something or a snack or whatever, you know, do you want a little cookie?

00:33:24.340 All you have to do is if you just get past that thing of no, I'm going to stick to whatever

00:33:28.060 my little plan is.

00:33:29.960 Yeah.

00:33:30.500 Yeah, because there's so, yeah, we've become this like immediate fix.

00:33:34.560 Yes.

00:33:35.120 And the phone's the easiest one.

00:33:36.600 Easy.

00:33:37.280 One millisecond of discomfort, you're like, ah, Instagram.

00:33:40.000 Yeah.

00:33:40.560 Not good.

00:33:41.360 Because it's hard to get back out of that.

00:33:43.300 It's hard to get back to normal once you're addicted like that.

00:33:45.740 Dude, you ever look up from your phone and you don't even know kind of where you're,

00:33:48.780 there's like a half a second where you're like, where am I?

00:33:51.040 Am I married?

00:33:53.320 I have that while driving.

00:33:54.660 I'm like, I just wrote to 10 people and I've changed states twice.

00:33:58.500 I didn't even realize it.

00:34:01.080 Yeah, dude.

00:34:01.900 That's so, yeah, there's something.

00:34:04.020 Yeah, that's true.

00:34:04.700 These are like just people talking.

00:34:06.600 Wow.

00:34:07.200 That's it.

00:34:07.700 We're just having a conversation, which was, people crave it.

00:34:11.540 I crave it.

00:34:11.940 I listen to like five pods a day.

00:34:13.420 Yeah.

00:34:13.980 I love it.

00:34:14.580 But I think it's just generations and years and years of like DNA, of hanging out, talking

00:34:19.660 in a circle in the woods or in a castle or whatever the hell.

00:34:23.100 And then we just stopped doing it.

00:34:25.060 Yeah.

00:34:25.880 Dude, imagine meeting somebody just like on a road way back.

00:34:29.360 Like, I was out in Utah recently and I was like, dude, it is desolate out here.

00:34:34.680 Oh, yeah.

00:34:35.080 And it's so hot.

00:34:36.440 Like, I couldn't imagine having been like a pioneer, you know?

00:34:40.360 Yeah.

00:34:41.000 I think about that all the time.

00:34:42.320 Traveling across the way.

00:34:43.400 You have a horse.

00:34:44.960 One of your kids is sick. 0.98

00:34:46.220 One of your kids is about to die. 0.58

00:34:48.060 Yeah.

00:34:48.480 They got the cholera.

00:34:49.680 Yeah.

00:34:49.980 And you don't want to say it.

00:34:51.020 You still want to play with them and wake them up in the morning.

00:34:53.200 Sure.

00:34:54.100 You know, even though God's not going to wake them up one of these days, you know?

00:34:56.960 And I hate to say that, but it's like every, you know, and we even went to like little

00:35:01.200 graveyards and some of the, half of the graves were like four years old, seven years old.

00:35:06.380 Oh, brutal.

00:35:07.200 In other words, in a little coffin.

00:35:08.640 Oh, yeah.

00:35:09.540 So tiny.

00:35:10.480 Yeah.

00:35:11.280 But I think it's, I think about that all the time.

00:35:13.580 Those old guys who would get on a wagon and then like half their family would die before 1.00

00:35:17.980 they got there.

00:35:18.780 And they just had to keep going.

00:35:19.860 They had to deal with it.

00:35:20.660 Grandpa's dead.

00:35:21.440 Keep going.

00:35:22.080 Yeah.

00:35:22.200 And it's just St.

00:35:23.020 Louis when they get there.

00:35:24.060 Yeah.

00:35:26.120 Right.

00:35:26.880 Right.

00:35:27.620 I know. 0.97

00:35:28.200 That sucks. 0.94

00:35:28.740 Is this worth grandpa? 0.99

00:35:30.260 Yeah.

00:35:31.340 You know?

00:35:32.640 And there was nothing in St. Louis.

00:35:33.860 There wasn't even an arch.

00:35:34.760 No.

00:35:35.020 Yeah.

00:35:35.200 There wasn't anything.

00:35:36.180 No Dairy Queen.

00:35:37.440 Nothing.

00:35:38.700 Yeah.

00:35:39.020 Yeah.

00:35:39.340 And I wonder if you met somebody back then, like all the things you'd have to, like,

00:35:44.540 if you met somebody on the trail, you had to kind of really decipher, like, is this

00:35:47.860 person a good person?

00:35:49.560 You had to, you were really keen on like body language.

00:35:52.180 And awareness.

00:35:53.540 Totally.

00:35:53.720 And like every second of a conversation had a lot of like value to it.

00:35:57.360 You had to know if at, if you could share a campfire, because if at night they were 0.99

00:36:00.940 going to try to rape your wife or husband. 0.99

00:36:03.400 Exactly. 1.00

00:36:04.220 Exactly.

00:36:05.080 I mean, think about the Native Americans. 1.00

00:36:06.420 You see those fuckers pull up on a horse with the feathers and the face paint. 1.00

00:36:09.700 Yeah. 1.00

00:36:10.740 Oh, my God.

00:36:11.760 Yeah.

00:36:11.940 We're at a Chuck E. Cheese.

00:36:14.020 I was like, I'm in St. Louis. 1.00

00:36:15.620 What the fuck? 0.99

00:36:16.940 But yeah. 1.00

00:36:17.380 No, that's scary shit. 1.00

00:36:19.220 And those guys were tough. 1.00

00:36:22.100 Yeah.

00:36:22.520 I couldn't, I don't think I could have done it, but I think the value of a conversation

00:36:25.760 back then, it was like, it was like, that's where you got all your news from to some guy

00:36:29.820 on a trail.

00:36:31.240 Yes.

00:36:32.460 Crazy.

00:36:33.880 And that wasn't even, there was no paper.

00:36:35.700 No.

00:36:35.980 I mean, it was paper, but he didn't have like a extra, extra, read all about it, you

00:36:39.880 know?

00:36:40.100 Yeah.

00:36:40.440 He just had to go, hey, you know, whatever the hell is the president now? 1.00

00:36:45.620 And you're like, oh shit, I didn't even know that. 1.00

00:36:47.520 Yeah. 1.00

00:36:49.420 Yes.

00:36:49.940 Yeah.

00:36:50.700 Yeah.

00:36:51.020 They'd be like, Thurman's in or something.

00:36:52.640 Yeah.

00:36:52.960 He's like, my God.

00:36:54.200 That guy?

00:36:55.000 I didn't vote for him.

00:36:55.940 Whatever.

00:36:56.480 Three cheers.

00:36:57.360 Open up a can of beans, huh?

00:36:58.780 Yeah.

00:36:59.420 A lot of beans back then.

00:37:01.200 God.

00:37:02.580 Yeah.

00:37:02.860 It just, yeah.

00:37:05.100 The value, yeah.

00:37:05.920 How a conversation has like changed over the years.

00:37:08.760 And yeah, now it's like, we're like this little museum for conversations.

00:37:11.960 Like, sometimes I think like all human things will just be in a museum.

00:37:16.840 Like one day, like aliens will take their children to like, see like a smile.

00:37:21.540 Whoa.

00:37:22.200 Wow.

00:37:22.600 This was something that people's, if they had joy, their face would turn up at the

00:37:27.060 corners of their mouth.

00:37:28.140 Whoa.

00:37:28.960 That's crazy.

00:37:30.180 Good call.

00:37:31.060 You know what?

00:37:31.700 I was thinking about this the other day while high.

00:37:33.580 If an animal shows you his teeth, you're in trouble.

00:37:37.600 He's like, but if we show teeth, it's like, hey, you're good.

00:37:41.080 We're smiling.

00:37:41.880 Yeah.

00:37:42.480 Isn't that weird?

00:37:42.980 Because teeth are scary.

00:37:45.360 That's what you bite people with.

00:37:46.220 They're pointy and sharp.

00:37:47.680 But yeah, with humans, it's a good thing.

00:37:49.520 Yeah.

00:37:50.320 Oh, you were high.

00:37:51.140 I was so baked.

00:37:52.360 Yeah.

00:37:53.080 Forget I brought it up.

00:37:54.520 Dude, those thoughts of when you're high, dude, I remember writing that, like some of 0.99

00:37:57.960 the jokes I'd write, then you read them the next day and you're like, this is garbage. 0.95

00:38:00.920 I know, but you think you're Bill Hicks. 0.99

00:38:03.460 Oh, you think you're unreal.

00:38:04.820 I know.

00:38:05.760 You think you're unreal.

00:38:07.000 Oh, sorry.

00:38:08.840 So soup to nuts, man.

00:38:10.240 Yeah.

00:38:10.800 Everybody's got to go watch this.

00:38:12.380 Your last special, how did you feel like it helped?

00:38:14.300 Because we talked about that, I think, last time you were here.

00:38:16.780 Yeah.

00:38:17.060 I did an hour on Netflix.

00:38:18.360 Nobody would buy it.

00:38:19.180 So it was like a failure.

00:38:20.100 I just put it on YouTube and suck it up, take the loss.

00:38:23.100 And I think that's some of my best work.

00:38:26.300 And then this, this is a, I kicked it up a notch.

00:38:30.380 I went way darker.

00:38:31.560 I don't know if you saw the whole thing, but I got some stuff I'm nervous about, like some

00:38:35.460 Jew stuff, some black stuff, some trans stuff. 1.00

00:38:38.600 Yeah. 0.76

00:38:38.900 No, I'm probably about 30, maybe 30 minutes in.

00:38:41.860 Hey, I appreciate it.

00:38:42.960 You watch more than my parents.

00:38:44.720 I think anybody only watches so much usually, but I'll watch the second half.

00:38:48.200 I was thinking maybe if I get a date or something, I'll sit and watch it.

00:38:51.020 Oh, that's not bad.

00:38:52.240 Yeah.

00:38:52.400 You can be like, I know that guy.

00:38:53.380 Yeah.

00:38:54.200 Dude, I know that guy, man.

00:38:55.720 People love him.

00:38:56.640 Yeah, I know.

00:38:58.040 Blow me. 0.99

00:38:58.900 Do you feel like it's gotten, how do you feel like success has helped your personality or

00:39:04.900 helped you like, do you feel sometimes like, you know, because I know as comics, like

00:39:10.440 we want people to like us, you know?

00:39:12.260 Oh, yeah.

00:39:12.600 I know like we're desperate for it.

00:39:14.360 I mean, it's why that thing, like we can't have things be quiet sometimes because the

00:39:19.100 silence is scary for some reason, you know?

00:39:21.820 Mm-hmm.

00:39:23.280 You know, I've always thought that I liked to, I liked, I know when I was young to make

00:39:28.300 people laugh because I knew if they were laughing that they couldn't hate me at the same time.

00:39:32.960 Yeah, 100%.

00:39:33.700 I feel the same way.

00:39:34.720 Yeah.

00:39:35.020 And yeah, I can imagine most comedians probably do.

00:39:37.640 So I wonder if some of that starts to dissipate as we get more success, do you think?

00:39:43.200 I thought it would, but I think it's in the wiring.

00:39:45.260 It's like baked in, the cement is dry.

00:39:47.240 Yeah.

00:39:47.360 So it's just always going to be that way.

00:39:48.800 You can get a little better, but at the core, you're still the same dweeb. 0.95

00:39:54.520 Yeah. 1.00

00:39:54.960 You know, it sucks. 0.96

00:39:56.140 You almost think you're going to get some Netflix special and you'll feel better. 0.98

00:39:59.880 Yeah.

00:40:00.120 But you still, that's like I always say, people are like, I'm going to Hawaii, I got to take

00:40:03.440 the edge off.

00:40:04.000 And I'm like, but you're still going to have your head in Hawaii.

00:40:06.400 Yeah. 0.98

00:40:06.820 You're going to be on the beach going, what's up with the black people not swimming? 0.98

00:40:09.700 Yeah. 0.98

00:40:10.180 Yeah.

00:40:10.280 How do I come on a shark?

00:40:12.080 Yeah.

00:40:12.980 You're always going to be.

00:40:14.220 What's up with shark's teeth when I show my teeth?

00:40:16.340 You know, whatever.

00:40:17.140 That's still going to happen in Honolulu.

00:40:20.500 That's why drugs are popular. 0.64

00:40:22.740 Yeah.

00:40:23.640 And alcohol.

00:40:26.120 Yeah, man.

00:40:26.800 Is it, does it feel like you got to party on those Burt tours?

00:40:29.920 You can just do whatever, you know?

00:40:31.220 Because sometimes I want to go, but I just, sometimes I feel like since I'm not the guy

00:40:34.620 that can party that I'm like, kind of like, I don't want to be like, people think I'm 0.98

00:40:39.180 like the fucking dad or like the closeted uncle or anything. 0.97

00:40:44.280 Well, we're, we all know you're closeted, but you know, you got to have the, uh, the 1.00

00:40:49.460 alone time.

00:40:50.000 We're all introverts deep down and there's only so much time you can be cracking jokes,

00:40:54.700 chugging booze and all that. 0.99

00:40:55.940 So you got to have your downtime or you're going to fucking, you're going to Greg Giraldo. 0.99

00:41:00.780 Yeah. 0.99

00:41:01.580 I was just talking about him with someone.

00:41:03.200 Oh, Jim Gaffigan.

00:41:04.620 Oh, nice.

00:41:05.520 Yep.

00:41:05.880 And he's got a special.

00:41:06.620 Both of you guys have specials coming out this week.

00:41:08.360 Gee, what is that?

00:41:08.820 His 38th?

00:41:09.660 I can have his 10th.

00:41:10.820 Oh my Lord.

00:41:12.960 That's insanity.

00:41:14.560 That's very impressive.

00:41:16.060 It's unreal.

00:41:17.080 Do you think though that at some point there's value into not putting out a special and like,

00:41:21.480 like Bobby Lee, right?

00:41:22.780 Has notoriously, he's had some of this, like the same material for a long time.

00:41:26.000 Right.

00:41:26.780 And he makes up and he has new stuff and, and look, I've done a lot of the same stuff over

00:41:31.000 the years.

00:41:31.360 I like, you know, um,

00:41:34.620 but there's some, every time I see Bobby, I, I, I, I, he's so funny, unbelievable, but

00:41:40.360 he can't put that on that down on wax. 1.00

00:41:42.960 Cause you can't show your dick a different way. 1.00

00:41:45.780 Right. 1.00

00:41:46.180 In a new special.

00:41:47.180 Right.

00:41:47.460 You know, maybe paints it black or something.

00:41:49.880 I don't know, but that's his big thing.

00:41:52.200 Yeah.

00:41:53.440 It's so, um, yeah, it's like, can you, but that was the kind of the cool thing back in the

00:42:00.040 day.

00:42:00.200 It was like, you had to go see them.

00:42:01.680 Yeah, that is pretty cool.

00:42:03.260 That's gone now.

00:42:04.560 But is it though?

00:42:05.280 Is it still like, if you don't put stuff out, then people have to come see you.

00:42:08.940 That's true.

00:42:09.580 I guess you're right.

00:42:10.300 But my, my thing is a lot of it gets online somehow where you put a clip up and so they 0.99

00:42:15.540 go, I'd love to see this guy, but I want to see new shit. 0.99

00:42:18.880 Yeah. 0.99

00:42:19.620 Like Jay Leno or whoever, these old guys could just do that, that same act forever and they

00:42:24.660 were fine.

00:42:25.760 Yeah.

00:42:26.160 I went and saw, um, Bob Newhart.

00:42:29.820 Wow.

00:42:30.600 Love the Newhart.

00:42:31.700 I think, can you bring a picture of him up?

00:42:33.180 I think he's a legend.

00:42:35.020 Bob Newhart.

00:42:35.780 Yeah.

00:42:35.900 I went and seen him, dude.

00:42:37.100 And he was, I think, probably 80 something, maybe 90.

00:42:40.980 Yeah.

00:42:41.680 And he was doing jokes.

00:42:43.440 Wow.

00:42:44.240 He looks like that lady off of, um, Ozarks a little.

00:42:47.980 Oh yeah.

00:42:49.300 Good call.

00:42:50.440 With the heroin field.

00:42:51.880 Yeah.

00:42:52.880 Yeah.

00:42:53.360 Yeah. 1.00

00:42:53.420 She was fucking the young hillbilly kid. 1.00

00:42:55.260 Yeah. 1.00

00:42:55.720 I mean, he looks like he took a strong hit off some poppy and never came back.

00:43:00.080 You know what I'm saying?

00:43:01.360 He looks like the guy in the movie who's just seeing the ghost and he freezes and turns old.

00:43:07.100 I gotta ask you.

00:43:09.780 So you, you're, you're doing very well.

00:43:12.520 I see these venues.

00:43:13.440 I follow you on Instagram.

00:43:14.460 These venues are huge.

00:43:16.260 Yeah.

00:43:16.580 It's been pretty crazy, I think.

00:43:18.060 Do you like, cause I like to love where I'm at. 0.96

00:43:20.280 I'm scared of fame and all that shit.

00:43:22.700 Not saying I'm famous, but like, I would never want to be that famous. 0.96

00:43:26.360 Not like you, but like some of these guys, like Burt Kreischer is so huge.

00:43:30.720 Oh, like, yeah, that seems almost scary to me.

00:43:33.080 Yeah.

00:43:33.620 I just feel like that's when people start looking at you with a microscope.

00:43:37.500 Well, I think you definitely, your anonymity starts to get lost.

00:43:40.480 I mean, what happened with me was a lot of people took all my stuff and put it on, made

00:43:44.200 it on TikTok.

00:43:44.920 Ah, the Andrew Tate.

00:43:46.340 And so that took it to like a different place.

00:43:48.600 It wasn't in my management, you know?

00:43:50.740 Yeah.

00:43:50.800 It was like, um, I mean, there's things people come up and ask me about, tell me, and they're

00:43:55.860 so excited.

00:43:56.520 I've never even, I've never seen the clip.

00:43:58.340 I don't even know.

00:43:59.140 Oh yeah.

00:44:00.360 Um, so that I think kind of took things to a different level.

00:44:04.000 It's definitely been kind of, uh, like it's kind of a, I don't want to say that it's a

00:44:08.980 bummer, but one of the tougher things about getting popularity is you spend a lot of your

00:44:15.240 time defending yourself, like hiding myself.

00:44:19.140 Like when I get off the plane today, I go and kind of stand like in a space away from

00:44:23.740 where I know people won't be.

00:44:25.720 Um, you know, just like little things like that where you're just monitoring, um, how

00:44:32.280 visible you are.

00:44:34.020 I don't know if that sounds egotistical though.

00:44:35.860 No, I get it.

00:44:36.620 Cause sometimes just not ready to chat.

00:44:39.140 Oh, it's sometimes.

00:44:39.940 Yeah.

00:44:40.120 And you've, and you've had that you've, and you've already met a lot of people for the

00:44:42.780 day.

00:44:42.980 So sometimes it's like, I'll be like, if I've already met 20 people today, I can't,

00:44:47.620 I, my brain needs time to think about stuff.

00:44:49.760 I need to do stuff in my own life.

00:44:51.560 You know, I have to take care of myself and make sure I'm fed and whatever.

00:44:55.320 You can't spend all your time meeting people.

00:44:57.900 Right.

00:44:58.520 Yeah.

00:44:58.860 And part of you would like to, there's that part of you that's desperate for people

00:45:01.840 to like you.

00:45:02.460 Of course.

00:45:02.920 It's a, it's a catch 28, you know, you want them to like you.

00:45:05.500 Then when they do, you're like, all right, but now you got to give me space.

00:45:08.460 Yeah. 0.97

00:45:08.700 So we are kind of dicks in that way, but let me just say this.

00:45:12.360 You ever meet Theo out in the wild, say hello, great stuff.

00:45:16.440 I love your pod.

00:45:17.360 And then you got to move on. 0.99

00:45:18.500 Cause the worst part is that awkward shit where they're like, now what? 0.99

00:45:22.400 And you're like, nah, we got, I don't know you though. 0.99

00:45:24.400 Yeah.

00:45:24.780 You said your thing.

00:45:25.780 I got nothing on you.

00:45:26.860 I don't know your mom or your, where you live or whatever.

00:45:30.000 If you were a Cub Scout, you know?

00:45:32.340 So that's always get in, get out.

00:45:35.200 The lingering is tough.

00:45:36.420 Dude.

00:45:36.640 And that goes for anything in life.

00:45:38.520 And one of my friends told me one time, he said, be good and be gone.

00:45:41.960 That's what he said.

00:45:42.800 I like that.

00:45:43.840 And that had always had a lot of value to me.

00:45:46.180 My friend, Will Kirby said that he's a board certified dermatologist.

00:45:50.980 Hey.

00:45:51.500 And yeah, he's doing good.

00:45:52.900 The guy, he's probably 50, looks like he's 44, but SPF'd to the gills, dude.

00:46:00.820 Oh yeah.

00:46:01.580 You know?

00:46:02.000 Got to moisturize. 1.00

00:46:02.840 Oh, he's fucking, he's so supple, dude. 0.99

00:46:05.240 He's slick. 1.00

00:46:06.100 Oh, he, oh.

00:46:07.720 Good for him. 0.99

00:46:08.500 He's so fucking supple. 0.97

00:46:11.920 But yeah, he said that to me. 0.99

00:46:13.680 And I always thought that that was pretty interesting.

00:46:15.620 Because yeah, you don't want to get stuck in a space with anybody.

00:46:17.800 And it could be business.

00:46:18.960 It can be with women. 1.00

00:46:20.340 Yes.

00:46:20.760 You know, especially anything you're kind of like approaching new.

00:46:24.500 If you get stuck in that extra space where you don't have much prepared or you don't know

00:46:29.020 what you're going to do, then that's kind of, you know, it's not the best.

00:46:33.460 Right, right.

00:46:34.040 And that's not a good answer for that.

00:46:35.260 But it's just, yeah, you want to be good and be gone.

00:46:37.640 I'm putting yourself, because you feel better then too.

00:46:39.700 You're like, man, that was cool.

00:46:40.760 It was a good interaction.

00:46:41.780 Yeah, perfect.

00:46:42.540 The best is like a guy on a bike who just goes like, gang gang.

00:46:45.080 Yeah.

00:46:45.440 Yeah.

00:46:46.040 All right, now that was perfect.

00:46:47.520 Yeah.

00:46:47.940 I got the recognition and no chit chat.

00:46:50.760 And then he stands up and looks back and says it.

00:46:52.880 Yeah. 0.98

00:46:53.020 But then he has assless chaps on and you're like, whoa. 0.99

00:46:55.700 Yeah, pride month. 1.00

00:46:56.840 Yeah.

00:46:57.320 Well, the worst is when you go, oh, thank you.

00:46:58.980 And they go, whoop.

00:46:59.920 They pull that U-E.

00:47:00.600 And you're like, oh, not the U-E.

00:47:02.140 Yeah.

00:47:02.400 I thought we were done.

00:47:03.360 Yeah.

00:47:04.520 But again, very nice. 1.00

00:47:05.600 I sound like a cunt. 1.00

00:47:07.640 With the hellos and the praise. 1.00

00:47:09.640 No.

00:47:10.060 I mean, and I think sometimes it's just what your own day is like.

00:47:12.860 I'll tell people now, like, hey, man, I'm just having a tough day.

00:47:15.760 Or, you know, I'll just be honest about what's going on.

00:47:18.100 Yeah.

00:47:18.380 Put the burden on them now.

00:47:19.780 So now they want to leave.

00:47:20.780 Yeah. 1.00

00:47:21.180 You know, what if you just start unloading your shit? 0.99

00:47:22.960 Like, hey, man, I can't get it up. 1.00

00:47:24.600 And I'm so glad we're here to talk.

00:47:26.400 And he's like, ah, now I got to go.

00:47:29.080 That's a good move.

00:47:30.820 I think one of the things, though, too, is like, on my podcast,

00:47:36.540 we talk a lot about there's a lot of, like, people that struggle with stuff.

00:47:40.080 Oh, yeah.

00:47:40.860 So sometimes it's like I can tell, like, if somebody's struggling sometimes,

00:47:44.320 like, I want to be in that moment.

00:47:45.960 And, like, some stuff you want to share, you want to hear what people have going on.

00:47:49.680 But then some people have just seen clips, and they're just like, you know,

00:47:53.160 they're just they don't know anything more.

00:47:56.400 So sometimes if it's like a podcast fan who's into your pod,

00:47:59.160 then that can be a little bit different, you know?

00:48:01.420 That's a little different, yeah, because they know we're weird.

00:48:03.420 Right, and they're probably weird, too, because that's the thing.

00:48:07.060 It's like, dude, we are probably the same type of weird because we, you know,

00:48:13.700 like a lot of the people, it's like, oh, I probably would have a conversation with them

00:48:17.040 if I just met them regularly.

00:48:18.700 Yeah, so true.

00:48:19.260 But you ever get the guy, like, I read my DMs because I'm a psycho,

00:48:22.260 and I'll get the guy like, hey, I see you're coming to Nashville.

00:48:25.580 I got a cabin.

00:48:27.320 If you want to come by, I'll massage you, and I'll cook. 0.91

00:48:30.720 And you're like, wait, why would I do that? 0.74

00:48:32.680 And he's like, I got knives and a snake.

00:48:35.680 You're like, what?

00:48:36.940 Yeah, yeah, and we have a family graveyard in the back,

00:48:40.600 and you're like, I'm not doing that.

00:48:42.080 Yeah.

00:48:42.440 You know, the guy's like, we can make a soup.

00:48:44.020 We have a great homemade soup here.

00:48:45.580 Oh, God.

00:48:46.620 Some guy texted me the other day, and he goes, 1.00

00:48:48.700 I'm going to, I want to suck your ****. 1.00

00:48:56.080 That's what he said. 1.00

00:48:57.140 Oh, hey, nice.

00:49:00.060 What was that, Rogan?

00:49:01.120 I don't know who it was.

00:49:02.500 It was Rogan.

00:49:04.300 Wow.

00:49:05.840 But see, that's kind of what's fun about being a guy, 1.00

00:49:08.740 is like, if that was a woman, like, I'm going to suck your pussy, 1.00

00:49:11.100 bitch. 1.00

00:49:11.440 Yeah. 1.00

00:49:11.620 And she's like, ah, it's hard being a woman.

00:49:13.660 But with that, we're like, look at this guy.

00:49:15.320 How funny.

00:49:16.160 My uncle. 0.94

00:49:16.640 Well, women have gotten so vulgar in the DMs. 1.00

00:49:23.920 Oh, yeah, it's a new world for the clam. 0.89

00:49:26.560 Yeah, they're like, let me come drop this split on you.

00:49:30.220 They'll say crazy stuff, huh?

00:49:31.980 I love it.

00:49:32.780 I mean, I'm married now, but those were the fun days,

00:49:34.740 and I would always write back, hey, be good and be gone.

00:49:38.520 That's it.

00:49:39.260 Quick and out.

00:49:41.200 I had a girl one time send me a DM, 0.98

00:49:42.780 and she was some huge breasts. 1.00

00:49:45.940 Oh, yeah. 0.99

00:49:47.020 God, dude.

00:49:48.000 You could see, like, her, yeah, her breasts, 0.77

00:49:50.620 they even had, like, a sunrise and sun, there was like.

00:49:53.500 It was an eclipse.

00:49:54.400 Oh, they had, yeah, dude, yeah.

00:49:56.220 She wasn't a flat earther. 1.00

00:49:57.640 Oh, no, she believed in the shrewd, you know.

00:50:01.500 She believed in science, man.

00:50:04.760 It was too big, though.

00:50:05.900 She just came, we just got together in the lobby of the hotel

00:50:08.400 and played cards, and that was kind of cool.

00:50:09.780 Come on.

00:50:11.180 What is, that's weird.

00:50:12.300 But it was nice, though.

00:50:13.700 Really?

00:50:14.320 There was something kind of, like, old school and romantic about it, you know?

00:50:17.900 We played that game Speed.

00:50:19.000 Have you ever played that?

00:50:19.680 I don't know Speed.

00:50:21.040 I've done Speed.

00:50:21.920 I don't know the game.

00:50:22.720 What's the game?

00:50:23.460 Yeah, it's almost like being on Speed,

00:50:25.080 but you're just doing it with the cards,

00:50:26.860 and you can go to sleep after.

00:50:29.140 Oh, yeah, no hangover, no crash.

00:50:30.940 Oh, easy, nice.

00:50:32.080 We had a nice time.

00:50:32.940 Yeah, that's why I like shrooms.

00:50:35.000 Oh.

00:50:35.640 Just the best drug.

00:50:36.920 I don't know if you ever did them.

00:50:37.800 Oh, yeah, dude.

00:50:39.140 It's no hangover.

00:50:40.520 They last about five hours.

00:50:41.880 It's kind of natural.

00:50:43.540 Yeah, you can go into the bathroom by yourself at least twice

00:50:46.400 and be like, oh, I'm weird.

00:50:47.240 Yeah, that's right, that's right.

00:50:48.960 But don't get a look in the mirror, 1.00

00:50:50.120 because you're ugly in that mirror. 0.99

00:50:52.680 You're like, oh, how come people are talking to me? 1.00

00:50:55.280 I'm a ghoul.

00:50:57.240 Dude, the show got canceled on Friday,

00:50:59.220 so we went out to the parking lot,

00:51:00.520 and we're just meeting people that were showing up.

00:51:02.420 Yeah.

00:51:03.280 And they had like five dudes that had come.

00:51:05.740 They'd taken a bunch of shrooms to come to the show. 0.97

00:51:08.400 Oh, man.

00:51:09.160 And you could see their faces were all kind of shiny.

00:51:11.480 Yes.

00:51:12.140 That shroom glow. 0.99

00:51:13.300 Yeah, you get that shroom glow. 0.93

00:51:14.900 Yeah.

00:51:16.140 Which is beautiful.

00:51:17.380 It looked like a happy child.

00:51:19.000 They look like angels.

00:51:19.780 Yeah.

00:51:20.300 Yeah, they're floating.

00:51:22.400 God, could you imagine being RFK Jr.

00:51:24.060 and taking shrooms and hearing your own voice?

00:51:26.940 Oh, I think I was the devil.

00:51:29.080 Dude, he could win.

00:51:30.220 He could win.

00:51:31.080 He's opposite of Biden.

00:51:32.680 He's ripped.

00:51:33.420 He has his own views. 0.77

00:51:35.160 I think he's a bit of a kook in some areas. 1.00

00:51:38.420 He's definitely on the fringes.

00:51:40.620 But he wants to bring back the middle class. 0.86

00:51:42.880 He wants to stop the war.

00:51:43.960 He's got some good stuff.

00:51:45.380 Yeah, and he's able to say what he thinks.

00:51:47.080 He's able to share what he thinks.

00:51:49.680 I think he believes what he believes, right?

00:51:53.480 Yes.

00:51:53.840 I don't think any of it seems like he is saying it for some.

00:51:59.280 And here's the thing, too.

00:52:00.460 You know he is. 0.99

00:52:02.260 Those are his beliefs because nobody's fucking believed him. 0.98

00:52:05.160 Yeah, and they're pushing back like, 1.00

00:52:06.700 you fucking weirdo, you crank. 1.00

00:52:09.180 They call him a crank, whatever that is. 1.00

00:52:10.980 Yeah, they're definitely calling him names from the past.

00:52:13.860 Yeah. 0.94

00:52:15.020 Are you a charlatan? 1.00

00:52:16.080 You a gobbledygook? 1.00

00:52:17.280 You a carpetbagger? 1.00

00:52:18.620 Yeah.

00:52:19.640 You a muckraker?

00:52:20.560 Yeah, they're calling him stuff from the past, bro.

00:52:24.440 I know, I know.

00:52:25.500 Yeah, the internet and the paper are very mean.

00:52:28.480 Like, he's just an old man who's ripped trying to do his thing, 1.00

00:52:31.740 trying to save the country.

00:52:33.080 Yeah, and I've known him just, he's always been a stand-up dude.

00:52:35.780 He's somebody that I would go to for suggestion.

00:52:37.940 He's somebody that I've always really trusted,

00:52:41.060 just as a person.

00:52:42.380 It's crazy to, like, know a person and then be like,

00:52:44.720 oh, they're going.

00:52:45.620 That's crazy.

00:52:46.500 Yeah. 1.00

00:52:46.920 You're a heroin guy. 0.99

00:52:48.120 Yeah. 0.99

00:52:48.600 Oh, yeah.

00:52:50.120 Which makes me like him more.

00:52:51.640 Oh, dude.

00:52:52.380 Well, that's the thing.

00:52:53.180 He's handicapped.

00:52:54.540 Right.

00:52:55.000 He's done heroin.

00:52:55.980 He's ripped.

00:52:56.960 Yeah, and he's, yeah, he's ripped without the heroin.

00:52:59.520 Yeah, and he obviously knows Larry David,

00:53:02.020 which to me in my book, that scores a few points.

00:53:04.440 Yeah, that's a great point, huh?

00:53:06.100 I love that, yeah.

00:53:07.100 But the fact that he's speaking that nobody believes,

00:53:10.260 so that's when you know he's, I mean,

00:53:12.080 the guy has been on his own.

00:53:14.320 Yes.

00:53:15.040 So you know those are his views.

00:53:16.680 You know he doesn't have any lobbyists in his pocket.

00:53:19.180 Yeah, he doesn't sound like any politician.

00:53:20.620 Every politician is kind of a puppet, you know,

00:53:22.640 for the man or whoever it is.

00:53:24.840 And he has his own things, and he had a great line.

00:53:27.500 Somebody goes, you know, Trump actually likes you.

00:53:29.880 What do you think about that?

00:53:30.840 And he was like, I think it's cool.

00:53:32.420 And they're like, what?

00:53:33.380 But it's Trump.

00:53:34.040 And he's like, I know, but we've got to stop fighting. 1.00

00:53:35.720 We've got to stop having this left and right shit. 0.99

00:53:38.260 Let's just be Americans. 0.99

00:53:40.120 And I'm like, I needed to hear that.

00:53:42.400 I hate this division.

00:53:44.400 ¿Está disfrutando de mi podcast?

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00:55:06.820 Yeah, me too, man.

00:55:09.260 I hate that, like, I go to the UFC fights

00:55:11.640 and Trump will be there, right?

00:55:13.060 And I feel like that people are going to judge me for it.

00:55:19.580 Of course, definitely.

00:55:20.160 For associating with them.

00:55:21.560 Or, like, I would never judge any of my friends

00:55:24.120 if they associated with anybody, I don't think, you know?

00:55:28.600 Yeah.

00:55:28.820 Here's a picture right here.

00:55:29.660 I got asked to take this picture.

00:55:31.120 Whoa.

00:55:31.480 And his camera wasn't.

00:55:37.440 It was Herb Dean.

00:55:39.340 Yeah, I couldn't eat that.

00:55:41.280 Well, you really got the lean going, huh?

00:55:42.920 You know how to work a phone?

00:55:43.820 I tried my best, dude.

00:55:44.780 It literally took so long to take that picture. 0.99

00:55:48.320 Holy shit. 0.99

00:55:49.320 I'm surprised you could hold up. 0.99

00:55:50.640 Well, it's that, somebody's phone,

00:55:52.220 I don't know whose it was,

00:55:52.940 had, like, bacon grease or something on it, I think.

00:55:55.000 Oh, that's the worst.

00:55:55.260 So any button, I, it wasn't, it was the.

00:55:58.060 Oh, the grease was so thick.

00:55:59.720 Well, the grease, it was, kept taking the hit of the grease,

00:56:01.980 so it was like, if I pressed a button,

00:56:03.140 it wasn't, like, saying, okay, I'll accept that button. 0.98

00:56:05.340 Right, you got some dirty Italian's phone. 1.00

00:56:07.580 Yeah, definitely. 0.94

00:56:09.140 Uh, but, how cool, I was on the bus with Bert watching this,

00:56:12.920 and I was like, there's Gillis, there's David Spade,

00:56:15.020 there's Theo, there's, uh, Johnny Knoxville.

00:56:17.540 Yeah.

00:56:18.120 So cool.

00:56:18.940 I mean, you, Spade, and Knoxville, what,

00:56:21.500 that's the movie I want to see.

00:56:23.100 And Spade's become one of my,

00:56:24.600 he's probably my best,

00:56:25.640 he's probably, probably my best friend in Hollywood these days,

00:56:28.740 for sure.

00:56:29.420 Did you ever think watching Tommy Boy,

00:56:31.280 that you'd be hanging out with that little twink?

00:56:33.620 Dude, not a chance.

00:56:34.600 I thought, dude, I remember,

00:56:36.700 when I first saw Joe Dirt,

00:56:38.860 I thought it was real, right?

00:56:40.980 I thought that they had left this kid at the Grand Canyon.

00:56:44.740 Oh, come on. 0.87

00:56:45.580 Yeah.

00:56:46.100 Really?

00:56:46.900 I remember really believing that when I was a child, 0.99

00:56:49.220 and fucking broke my heart. 0.99

00:56:51.060 You thought it was a documentary? 0.99

00:56:52.340 A really funny doc?

00:56:52.740 I guess I did.

00:56:54.220 And I don't remember why I did,

00:56:55.460 but I just did, you know?

00:56:57.140 But, um, yeah, so that, anyway,

00:56:59.520 that's just wild,

00:57:00.180 because then you're also there with Spade,

00:57:01.380 which kind of gives you carte blanche

00:57:02.560 with, like, other celebrities and stuff.

00:57:04.180 Right.

00:57:04.600 So he meets somebody,

00:57:05.840 I'm like, hey, I'm right here.

00:57:07.200 Yeah.

00:57:07.460 You know?

00:57:08.200 What's Knoxville like?

00:57:09.900 Knoxville is kind of like,

00:57:11.140 he seems kind of serious a lot of times.

00:57:13.140 Really?

00:57:13.560 Yeah. 1.00

00:57:14.080 Well, his dick doesn't work. 1.00

00:57:15.600 Oh, really? 1.00

00:57:15.980 That'll probably make it a little more serious.

00:57:17.300 Oh, dude, well, I probably,

00:57:18.360 good thing we're,

00:57:19.100 I'm glad we're sitting near each other,

00:57:20.460 then nobody's, 0.99

00:57:21.060 nobody's getting fucked. 0.99

00:57:24.580 Yeah, and if a lady shows up, 1.00

00:57:25.940 you got dibs,

00:57:26.720 what's he gonna do,

00:57:27.380 go down on her for an hour?

00:57:28.560 I don't know,

00:57:28.860 I'd probably be right there next to him, dude.

00:57:30.980 Brr, brr, brr, brr. 0.90

00:57:32.460 Yeah, I couldn't,

00:57:33.440 dude, my 20s,

00:57:34.260 I couldn't even get an erection in my 20s, 0.87

00:57:35.640 I had so much anxiety about women. 0.97

00:57:37.000 Yeah, right. 1.00

00:57:38.440 And that's fucked up, 0.98

00:57:39.880 all these kids now, 0.99

00:57:40.900 they got the blue chew,

00:57:41.920 the Cialis,

00:57:42.660 all that stuff,

00:57:43.260 I'm like, man,

00:57:43.760 back in my day,

00:57:44.640 you had to think of something real in the bathroom

00:57:47.840 and get chubbed up,

00:57:48.720 and then run into the room.

00:57:50.440 Oh, I remember trying to squeeze my butt cheeks,

00:57:52.980 hoping to push the blood to the front. 0.98

00:57:56.680 I remember squeezing as hard as I fucking could. 0.98

00:57:59.100 Oh, it's the worst, 1.00

00:57:59.900 and your brain is going in so many directions,

00:58:01.920 you're like,

00:58:02.220 please, please get hard,

00:58:04.140 she's right here.

00:58:05.320 Yeah.

00:58:05.760 Oh, it was so embarrassing,

00:58:06.740 then you have the,

00:58:07.440 no, it's not you,

00:58:08.320 it's me,

00:58:09.060 I'm in my head,

00:58:10.240 and she's like,

00:58:10.680 you think I'm ugly, 1.00

00:58:11.540 you're f***ing, 1.00

00:58:12.220 and you're like, 0.99

00:58:12.580 no, no. 0.99

00:58:13.340 You're gay. 1.00

00:58:14.420 Yeah. 0.89

00:58:14.620 Like, I'm not gay.

00:58:16.000 I know.

00:58:16.860 You know,

00:58:17.180 I have picked, 0.86

00:58:17.700 I'll draw a picture of some vulva right now for you, 0.78

00:58:20.860 with my eyes closed, 0.93

00:58:22.540 you know,

00:58:22.840 I'm not gay.

00:58:23.500 And the saddest part,

00:58:25.160 dude,

00:58:25.320 I would notice my brain,

00:58:27.960 because I would get in those instances,

00:58:29.400 you know,

00:58:30.340 and I would feel so f***ing defeated,

00:58:32.360 and I didn't know it was because I had so much anxiety around women, 0.88

00:58:35.840 I just thought there was something wrong with me.

00:58:38.040 Yes.

00:58:38.080 I didn't know that it was,

00:58:39.340 you know,

00:58:39.600 my mother didn't look at me for 14 years,

00:58:43.060 so I didn't have any connection to how to,

00:58:45.200 if I,

00:58:45.500 if I,

00:58:45.780 like.

00:58:46.880 Yeah,

00:58:47.260 well, 0.76

00:58:47.400 she saw that big hog of yours as a kid, 0.98

00:58:49.100 and she couldn't make eye contact.

00:58:50.820 That's true,

00:58:51.540 dude.

00:58:51.680 It's too awkward.

00:58:53.700 But,

00:58:54.020 yeah,

00:58:54.280 that's.

00:58:55.240 Yeah,

00:58:55.460 she saw that front end loader,

00:58:57.000 dude.

00:58:57.240 Yeah.

00:58:57.460 She's like, 1.00

00:58:57.820 damn, 0.99

00:58:58.320 unless I'm moving cement in the yard, 1.00

00:59:00.620 I don't, 0.98

00:59:01.700 I'm not f***ing with this baby. 1.00

00:59:04.640 Using your dick as the tar mop, 1.00

00:59:06.680 flattening it out with the. 1.00

00:59:08.260 It's a boy,

00:59:09.000 it's a girl, 1.00

00:59:09.320 it's a dick. 1.00

00:59:10.360 Yeah. 0.99

00:59:11.020 It's like,

00:59:11.620 get out,

00:59:12.160 dude.

00:59:13.100 Woo.

00:59:13.860 But I,

00:59:14.640 I have a weird thing where I,

00:59:15.640 I couldn't get it up if I liked the girl. 0.91

00:59:18.160 Oh,

00:59:18.560 yeah.

00:59:18.580 If I didn't like her, 0.99

00:59:19.800 I was a porn star. 0.99

00:59:21.000 Yeah. 0.73

00:59:21.320 I think there's a term for that,

00:59:22.580 Benson,

00:59:23.080 if you want to give that a goog.

00:59:24.540 Yeah,

00:59:24.820 let's look that up.

00:59:27.020 But,

00:59:27.540 so I remember,

00:59:28.720 my brain would start to say,

00:59:30.500 okay,

00:59:30.780 you need to have an excuse now,

00:59:32.240 right?

00:59:32.440 But it would be like 5 a.m.

00:59:34.360 sometimes.

00:59:34.900 I know.

00:59:35.940 I know.

00:59:36.680 And I would always say,

00:59:37.800 I'm part of a swim team,

00:59:39.020 I remember,

00:59:40.040 and that we have early practice. 1.00

00:59:41.960 Damn, 0.99

00:59:42.340 that's good. 0.99

00:59:43.740 Swim team,

00:59:44.240 because no one lies about a swim team.

00:59:45.960 Right,

00:59:46.400 people would be like,

00:59:46.940 that's,

00:59:47.680 who would say that?

00:59:48.640 Yeah,

00:59:48.900 it's too,

00:59:49.400 too specific.

00:59:51.140 But sometimes they'd be like,

00:59:51.760 you're 28 years old.

00:59:53.040 Right,

00:59:53.780 right.

00:59:54.380 You're not even in college,

00:59:55.280 you know.

00:59:55.800 Yeah,

00:59:56.200 yeah,

00:59:56.440 that's true.

00:59:56.940 What swim team are you on?

00:59:57.780 Right.

00:59:59.060 Yeah.

01:00:00.360 The things,

01:00:01.200 the places your brain will go

01:00:02.200 to get you out of that situation.

01:00:03.640 And I'd be like,

01:00:03.980 you don't support the mid-city Finns. 1.00

01:00:07.800 Or just yell some shit like, 1.00

01:00:09.100 you know, 0.99

01:00:09.320 I can leave.

01:00:10.240 Or sometimes I would say,

01:00:11.600 I have to go home and let my dog out.

01:00:13.320 Oh,

01:00:13.760 yeah,

01:00:14.100 that's good.

01:00:15.440 But,

01:00:15.880 I don't know. 1.00

01:00:17.160 Most guys would fuck her and then get the dog. 1.00

01:00:19.680 Yeah. 1.00

01:00:19.940 I feel like.

01:00:20.640 But then there's a little bit of like,

01:00:22.240 oh,

01:00:22.400 this guy's a pet lover,

01:00:23.260 this guy's a good guy.

01:00:24.220 That's true.

01:00:25.020 That's true.

01:00:25.900 But women don't have to worry about, 1.00

01:00:26.800 I don't know a lot of women who are like, 1.00

01:00:28.160 oh,

01:00:28.520 I just can't get wet.

01:00:30.360 Yeah.

01:00:30.660 Like Jim Jeffries said that great bit where,

01:00:32.840 if I can't get it up,

01:00:33.720 it's my problem.

01:00:34.500 If you can't get wet,

01:00:35.380 it's my problem.

01:00:36.380 Oh.

01:00:36.800 And I was like,

01:00:37.280 that's kind of true.

01:00:39.180 Also,

01:00:39.580 don't turn a lady down in the throes of passion.

01:00:43.100 She will hit you with a frying pan. 1.00

01:00:44.740 Oh, 0.95

01:00:44.960 they get,

01:00:45.500 it's so,

01:00:46.060 yeah,

01:00:46.280 it really debilits,

01:00:47.060 they really feel affected by it.

01:00:49.100 Oh,

01:00:49.340 yeah.

01:00:49.800 Oh,

01:00:50.020 yeah.

01:00:50.640 Yeah,

01:00:51.040 sometimes I feel like I should go back through my 20s

01:00:53.200 and just do like an apology tour.

01:00:56.520 Go to cities where some of these women live. 1.00

01:00:58.680 Yeah.

01:00:58.840 Bring them and their current husband up on stage.

01:01:00.880 Ha,

01:01:01.380 ha,

01:01:01.660 ha.

01:01:02.240 I had that in Phoenix.

01:01:03.960 I hooked up with some comedy club waitress 10 years ago. 0.96

01:01:06.900 Yeah.

01:01:07.200 And I did the theater a year ago

01:01:09.240 and she came out with her husband

01:01:10.240 and it was awkward.

01:01:11.980 He was like,

01:01:12.540 I know everything.

01:01:13.540 Ha,

01:01:13.760 ha,

01:01:13.940 ha.

01:01:14.080 I'm cool with it,

01:01:14.700 man.

01:01:14.980 But he's shaking your hand real tight

01:01:16.500 and giving you like a weird aggressive hug.

01:01:19.800 He said he knew everything?

01:01:21.160 Yeah.

01:01:21.500 He was like,

01:01:21.880 ah,

01:01:22.060 she told me everything,

01:01:23.100 but hey,

01:01:23.460 it's all good.

01:01:24.280 You come here,

01:01:24.760 you big dilute. 0.54

01:01:25.480 He's noogieing me

01:01:26.360 and I'm like,

01:01:26.780 this is weird.

01:01:28.220 He doesn't like this.

01:01:29.940 God,

01:01:30.320 that is weird,

01:01:31.240 huh?

01:01:31.580 Yeah,

01:01:31.880 and this girl had a Nutella fetish. 1.00

01:01:33.940 So she would make me put my dick in Nutella. 1.00

01:01:36.240 Ooh. 1.00

01:01:37.120 Yeah.

01:01:37.640 Very European. 0.80

01:01:38.060 Hazelnuts.

01:01:40.340 I gave her the hazelnuts.

01:01:41.680 Yeah.

01:01:42.120 Yeah.

01:01:43.900 Two pumps.

01:01:47.080 Oh,

01:01:47.580 dude,

01:01:47.880 that's interesting.

01:01:49.360 Yeah,

01:01:49.640 I'm trying to think of some good,

01:01:50.900 um,

01:01:52.580 yeah,

01:01:52.940 dude,

01:01:53.220 it was,

01:01:53.920 oh, 1.00

01:01:54.360 that shit was traumatic for me. 1.00

01:01:56.040 Oh, 1.00

01:01:56.420 the worst,

01:01:57.020 the worst.

01:01:57.480 Not to keep harping on it,

01:01:58.080 but that was tough,

01:01:58.940 man.

01:01:59.360 But that anxiety,

01:02:00.020 yeah,

01:02:00.180 it was just,

01:02:00.620 it was so much anxiety being around a while.

01:02:03.040 Oh,

01:02:03.280 yeah.

01:02:03.660 You know?

01:02:04.400 And then it starts to dissipate.

01:02:06.260 It shows how powerful your brain is.

01:02:08.400 Yeah.

01:02:08.560 Because like,

01:02:09.540 she would,

01:02:09.920 a girl would leave after I couldn't get it up, 1.00

01:02:11.580 and I was so bummed out,

01:02:12.580 and I'd put porn on, 0.88

01:02:13.480 and I'm hard in two seconds. 0.98

01:02:14.420 It's all mental.

01:02:15.820 You just gotta get a, 0.90

01:02:16.820 your brain's like a horse.

01:02:17.900 You gotta learn how to control it,

01:02:20.640 or else it'll just keep galloping into a bad place.

01:02:23.580 Yeah,

01:02:23.800 into a place with no...

01:02:25.800 Boners. 0.93

01:02:26.760 Hmm.

01:02:27.680 Yeah,

01:02:28.120 it's tough,

01:02:28.800 but like I took finasteride,

01:02:30.420 you know what that is?

01:02:31.240 Oh,

01:02:31.540 yeah,

01:02:31.720 I'm on it right now.

01:02:32.380 Oh,

01:02:32.660 yeah,

01:02:32.880 me too.

01:02:33.780 So I would take that,

01:02:34.920 and everybody's like, 0.82

01:02:35.440 it's gonna kill your boners, 0.94

01:02:36.640 man, 0.69

01:02:36.860 you'll have hair,

01:02:37.540 but you won't be able to get hard,

01:02:38.760 and I'm like,

01:02:39.180 oh,

01:02:39.580 that can't be true,

01:02:40.960 and I bought into it,

01:02:41.980 and so I would hook up with girls,

01:02:43.020 and I couldn't get up,

01:02:43.900 put it up,

01:02:44.380 but it was all in my head.

01:02:45.600 Literally.

01:02:46.120 Yeah.

01:02:46.800 It's a hair.

01:02:47.780 Yeah.

01:02:49.440 But I never had a problem,

01:02:50.800 but then I had to sit down with myself and go,

01:02:53.040 this is all in your head, 1.00

01:02:54.180 you're fucking crazy, 1.00

01:02:55.680 and I got back to it. 1.00

01:02:57.140 Yeah.

01:02:57.780 Well,

01:02:58.080 I take the blue chews,

01:02:58.920 man,

01:02:59.080 I like them.

01:02:59.640 Oh,

01:03:02.380 I can eat,

01:03:03.180 how's the evening going,

01:03:04.740 how much are you in love with this girl you've been seeing,

01:03:06.840 or something,

01:03:07.720 and you can try to take it,

01:03:09.120 and so that is nice to be able to have a nibbleable amount.

01:03:13.360 That is nice.

01:03:14.080 Because the Viagras,

01:03:14.900 dude,

01:03:15.040 I remember when I was in my 20s,

01:03:17.000 I remember I would go,

01:03:20.560 I went and lit,

01:03:21.320 you couldn't just get Viagra,

01:03:22.300 when they first came out,

01:03:23.320 you were like, 1.00

01:03:23.840 damn, 1.00

01:03:24.380 bro, 1.00

01:03:24.640 old people are fucking, 1.00

01:03:25.900 I remember a dude one time, 1.00

01:03:27.840 this black dude came up to me,

01:03:29.180 he's like,

01:03:29.540 hey,

01:03:29.980 bruh,

01:03:30.500 bruh,

01:03:31.000 bruh,

01:03:31.580 bruh, 1.00

01:03:32.380 old people are fucking, 1.00

01:03:34.780 you know? 1.00

01:03:36.260 I heard those old folks' homes are just orgies. 0.89

01:03:38.560 And then he robbed a guy,

01:03:39.700 and I was like,

01:03:40.000 whoa,

01:03:40.440 dude,

01:03:40.740 this is,

01:03:41.580 that's not even funny,

01:03:43.180 dude,

01:03:43.420 who ever just said that.

01:03:45.040 But,

01:03:45.300 but,

01:03:47.160 so I remember I went and lived,

01:03:49.080 a buddy of mine,

01:03:50.220 his dad,

01:03:51.640 was getting a prescription,

01:03:52.960 so I went and lived with him,

01:03:54.300 he was my roommate,

01:03:55.000 so I could,

01:03:56.000 wow,

01:03:56.740 chirp off his Viagra.

01:03:58.380 Wow,

01:03:58.920 just,

01:03:59.180 that's the only reason?

01:04:00.300 I mean,

01:04:00.720 I,

01:04:00.880 you know,

01:04:01.300 I like the guy as well.

01:04:02.540 Sure.

01:04:03.040 But the prescription helped.

01:04:04.560 It was hard,

01:04:05.020 it was like plutonium back in the day.

01:04:06.580 It was expensive,

01:04:07.380 it was hard to get.

01:04:08.200 It was 60 bucks a pill on me.

01:04:09.860 Yeah,

01:04:10.220 that's right.

01:04:10.820 Because they know you need to get laid. 0.87

01:04:12.820 Yeah.

01:04:13.240 It's like that AIDS guy who jacked up the prize, 1.00

01:04:15.840 Martin Scarelli.

01:04:16.900 Oh yeah,

01:04:17.420 that, 1.00

01:04:17.700 that fucking, 1.00

01:04:18.700 uh. 1.00

01:04:19.260 That chooch.

01:04:20.220 Yeah,

01:04:20.660 dude,

01:04:20.960 that.

01:04:21.100 Slimeball.

01:04:21.700 Oh,

01:04:22.060 he was that T-Cell Hitler one. 0.96

01:04:23.360 T-Cell Hitler. 0.88

01:04:24.880 There you go. 1.00

01:04:25.420 What a piece of shit. 1.00

01:04:26.120 I know, 1.00

01:04:26.720 I know,

01:04:27.000 and he's just walking around.

01:04:28.280 He's free now?

01:04:29.060 Yeah,

01:04:29.340 he's out,

01:04:29.720 he's doing podcasts.

01:04:30.760 Uh-uh.

01:04:31.360 He just did Legion of Skanks,

01:04:32.620 they got him.

01:04:33.400 No way.

01:04:34.160 Pull it up there,

01:04:35.180 Ben Joe.

01:04:36.180 Pull it up.

01:04:37.820 What was his name?

01:04:39.000 Martin Scarelli?

01:04:41.040 Scarelli?

01:04:41.520 Something like that.

01:04:42.400 Legion of Skanks. 0.80

01:04:43.760 I think Gillis was on it as well.

01:04:45.780 I think Gillis called him out even.

01:04:48.960 But,

01:04:49.440 yeah,

01:04:49.660 that guy really,

01:04:51.200 yeah,

01:04:51.440 there he is.

01:04:51.980 See,

01:04:52.220 with the doofus hair.

01:04:54.040 He got the Hitler hair too. 0.85

01:04:55.220 He's got the swoop.

01:04:56.020 Down one.

01:04:56.500 Martin Scarelli.

01:04:58.620 I can't believe they had him on.

01:05:01.880 I know.

01:05:03.540 I mean,

01:05:03.840 he's an interesting get.

01:05:05.200 Let's see him.

01:05:05.700 There he is.

01:05:06.160 Wow.

01:05:06.780 He looks like a 10-year-old.

01:05:07.780 He looks like all of the West Memphis three.

01:05:12.880 Mushed into one?

01:05:13.880 Yeah.

01:05:14.560 He kind of looks like the kid from Toy Story.

01:05:20.200 Oh,

01:05:20.740 yeah,

01:05:20.880 he does,

01:05:21.540 huh?

01:05:21.920 He looks kind of AI.

01:05:23.220 He does.

01:05:23.580 There's Louis J.

01:05:24.740 Yeah.

01:05:25.100 What a great group.

01:05:26.420 It's a fun pod.

01:05:27.660 It is fun,

01:05:28.320 huh?

01:05:28.640 And Skank Fest is also fun.

01:05:30.260 I don't know if you've ever been to that.

01:05:31.160 I haven't been.

01:05:31.840 They invited me one.

01:05:33.160 Louis has invited me two times.

01:05:34.400 The weekends have just been,

01:05:36.380 you know,

01:05:36.780 it's tough when you're all sitting,

01:05:37.740 when you're touring.

01:05:38.480 Of course,

01:05:39.040 of course.

01:05:39.520 And the one weekend you have off,

01:05:40.920 it's like you want to have it off.

01:05:42.380 Yeah,

01:05:42.860 yeah.

01:05:43.420 And that,

01:05:44.120 you can't have that all.

01:05:45.120 Like,

01:05:45.740 you're going all in on that.

01:05:47.160 It's booze.

01:05:47.840 It's crazy fans.

01:05:49.220 It's parties.

01:05:50.180 Yeah.

01:05:52.400 What else were we talking about?

01:05:54.400 Boners. 0.93

01:05:55.200 Oh,

01:05:55.380 yeah,

01:05:55.580 but I remember living with that guy.

01:05:56.920 But then the problem with the Viagras was,

01:05:58.740 you'd start taking them,

01:06:00.380 and here was the problem.

01:06:01.440 Your face would get so red.

01:06:03.460 Yeah.

01:06:04.020 And I remember,

01:06:04.760 I couldn't bend my arms on someone

01:06:06.100 when I first started taking them. 0.98

01:06:07.020 Even your arms were boners.

01:06:08.220 You would,

01:06:08.680 oh,

01:06:08.900 yeah.

01:06:09.840 Wow.

01:06:10.800 Yeah. 1.00

01:06:11.560 Damn. 1.00

01:06:12.420 Because that shit is strong. 1.00

01:06:13.480 Oh, 1.00

01:06:13.660 yeah,

01:06:13.780 I felt like a cricket judge,

01:06:15.140 you know?

01:06:16.720 You're like the guy at the airport.

01:06:18.640 Yeah.

01:06:18.880 That's all you can move?

01:06:21.000 Yeah,

01:06:21.460 it was, 1.00

01:06:22.000 that shit is strong. 1.00

01:06:22.900 I would, 1.00

01:06:23.320 I took a half if I needed it.

01:06:24.960 Oh,

01:06:25.160 yeah,

01:06:25.480 well,

01:06:25.600 I would start getting nibbleable chunks,

01:06:27.100 but then even then,

01:06:28.000 I still had problems.

01:06:29.820 Really?

01:06:30.380 Yep,

01:06:30.620 it was just because it was still so in my head.

01:06:33.220 Well,

01:06:33.640 here's a question.

01:06:34.740 Let me,

01:06:35.340 I wonder if I gave you a Viagra,

01:06:37.580 but it wasn't real.

01:06:39.180 I bet if you ate it,

01:06:40.720 you'd still be able to get a boner easier

01:06:43.360 than if you didn't just because of the mental.

01:06:45.700 Yeah.

01:06:46.200 You know?

01:06:46.840 Yeah,

01:06:47.140 I bet you're right.

01:06:47.940 Like sometimes when I'm really hungover,

01:06:49.860 I drink a cup of coffee and I feel better.

01:06:52.000 Sometimes if I smell coffee,

01:06:53.940 I feel better.

01:06:55.000 Because your brain's like,

01:06:55.900 oh,

01:06:56.060 it's about to come in.

01:06:57.540 Just the smell of it.

01:06:58.760 So no caffeine has hit me,

01:07:00.060 but just smelling it,

01:07:00.960 my brain goes,

01:07:01.680 oh,

01:07:01.820 we're good.

01:07:02.880 Pretty wild.

01:07:04.220 Yeah,

01:07:04.620 I think it's,

01:07:05.140 I think we don't even know the powers of our brain.

01:07:07.940 And I think the direction we're headed as a society,

01:07:10.460 I don't know if we're,

01:07:11.960 we're not,

01:07:12.560 that's not the thing we're trying to learn.

01:07:14.980 No.

01:07:15.180 We're trying to learn the,

01:07:16.360 we're so addicted the other way.

01:07:18.460 It's like.

01:07:19.100 So true.

01:07:19.980 I mean,

01:07:20.500 we are addicted to our phones.

01:07:22.320 We are addicted to that next thing.

01:07:25.120 We are addicted to vaping,

01:07:26.800 to sugar.

01:07:27.840 It's almost like,

01:07:29.900 I don't know.

01:07:30.540 Sometimes it feels like the,

01:07:31.880 the puppeteers,

01:07:33.480 if you will.

01:07:33.920 Oh yeah.

01:07:34.480 The people that big sugar.

01:07:36.120 Yep.

01:07:36.500 Big tech,

01:07:37.840 you know, 1.00

01:07:38.320 big pussy. 1.00

01:07:38.900 Big pharma. 1.00

01:07:39.380 Yeah,

01:07:39.600 big pharma.

01:07:40.380 He was on the Sopranos.

01:07:41.880 Oh yeah. 0.98

01:07:42.760 Big puss. 0.99

01:07:43.480 Yeah. 0.97

01:07:43.760 Oh,

01:07:43.960 bring him up.

01:07:44.480 His birthday's today. 1.00

01:07:45.580 Shut up. 1.00

01:07:46.460 Bring him up. 1.00

01:07:47.240 What the hell? 0.71

01:07:48.520 What is a mercury and retrograde?

01:07:51.040 We're connecting here.

01:07:52.120 Our periods are synced.

01:07:53.340 Bring him up.

01:07:53.900 Yeah.

01:07:54.020 We should be on a volleyball team.

01:07:57.080 Bring him up,

01:07:57.880 dude.

01:07:58.020 You know why?

01:07:58.520 It's because it's WNBA all-star.

01:08:00.460 Oh boy.

01:08:01.160 The spotting is,

01:08:02.160 must be crazy.

01:08:04.820 Oh,

01:08:05.240 the spot up, 1.00

01:08:06.040 the spot shooters out there are fucking nuts. 1.00

01:08:08.700 Um, 1.00

01:08:09.120 just bring up big pussy birthday on Twitter. 1.00

01:08:12.700 There he is. 0.99

01:08:15.300 Is it?

01:08:16.520 77th birthday today.

01:08:19.400 Well,

01:08:20.020 a day ago or so.

01:08:21.300 A day ago.

01:08:21.720 But still,

01:08:22.220 pretty crazy.

01:08:22.440 Scroll a little.

01:08:23.160 Yeah,

01:08:23.520 that's awesome,

01:08:24.360 dude.

01:08:25.380 I,

01:08:25.700 I saw this because somebody,

01:08:27.400 keep scrolling,

01:08:28.620 uh,

01:08:28.820 somebody put,

01:08:30.180 um,

01:08:30.760 they accidentally put Joey Diaz's picture.

01:08:33.440 Ah,

01:08:34.000 ha,

01:08:34.320 ha,

01:08:34.520 ha,

01:08:34.780 ha. 1.00

01:08:35.120 One fat Italian for another. 1.00

01:08:36.940 Vincent Pastore. 0.99

01:08:38.380 Oh,

01:08:38.560 actually,

01:08:38.840 he's Cuban.

01:08:39.580 Sorry.

01:08:40.240 Yeah.

01:08:40.560 Ugh. 0.99

01:08:42.420 Cocksucker. 1.00

01:08:43.400 God, 0.99

01:08:43.820 dude,

01:08:43.980 what a one of,

01:08:44.520 I mean,

01:08:44.740 how do you find a guy like him?

01:08:46.200 Yeah.

01:08:46.960 One of a kind.

01:08:47.760 One in a mill.

01:08:48.880 Hope he's all right.

01:08:49.920 Yeah.

01:08:50.620 You ever take one of those edibles he has?

01:08:54.020 No,

01:08:54.460 we did shrooms on his show once.

01:08:55.840 I don't think I took an edible over there.

01:08:57.900 They don't do it.

01:08:59.080 They're called like.

01:08:59.960 Stars of death.

01:09:00.580 Stars of death.

01:09:01.780 Hey,

01:09:02.040 Lee.

01:09:02.680 You just feel,

01:09:03.780 you remember when Elon Musk sent a convertible into space?

01:09:06.540 Mm-hmm.

01:09:06.700 That's how I felt when I took one.

01:09:08.180 I was just in space floating alone.

01:09:10.960 Brutal.

01:09:11.640 Hated it.

01:09:12.160 Well,

01:09:12.320 there's still that famous episode where Owen Benjamin couldn't,

01:09:15.060 it,

01:09:15.620 he couldn't,

01:09:16.580 it,

01:09:16.980 he went too deep. 1.00

01:09:18.600 Damn. 1.00

01:09:19.560 It's like a mental Viagra, 1.00

01:09:20.940 because you're like,

01:09:21.780 you know when they say,

01:09:22.420 if you're hard for four hours,

01:09:23.900 call the police or whatever.

01:09:25.680 This, 0.82

01:09:26.120 your brain is so high,

01:09:27.760 you feel like you'll never get back to normal.

01:09:29.500 Yes. 0.94

01:09:29.880 Scares the shit out of me. 0.85

01:09:31.100 That is the, 0.68

01:09:31.760 that's the exact,

01:09:32.720 dude,

01:09:32.880 that's the perfect statement.

01:09:34.040 That's the,

01:09:34.720 that's the scariest part about some of the drugs is that you're not going to get back to normal.

01:09:39.820 Yes. 0.98

01:09:40.320 It's that Alice in Wonderland shit where you're like, 0.99

01:09:42.560 I guess I'm here now. 0.99

01:09:43.480 This is my life.

01:09:44.860 Oh,

01:09:45.280 the worst feeling.

01:09:46.060 Yeah.

01:09:46.240 How will I ever make a sandwich again?

01:09:47.840 Oh my God.

01:09:49.060 Forget about it.

01:09:50.100 Yeah.

01:09:50.560 God,

01:09:50.780 that was unreal.

01:09:51.900 I know.

01:09:52.660 Um,

01:09:53.740 I don't love weed.

01:09:55.480 Yeah.

01:09:55.960 You know,

01:09:56.300 I never could make,

01:09:57.340 but then here's one thing that I noticed after a while,

01:09:59.520 weed,

01:10:00.240 a certain type of weed would make me be able to,

01:10:02.660 um,

01:10:04.000 do boners. 0.74

01:10:05.280 Oh,

01:10:05.860 whoa.

01:10:06.160 Really?

01:10:06.500 Because it just,

01:10:07.960 it like trumped whatever little part of my brain was and I could do boners.

01:10:13.020 Whoa.

01:10:14.220 Oh,

01:10:14.560 that's interesting.

01:10:15.720 Oh,

01:10:15.920 I remember even texting my mother when I,

01:10:18.680 when at first.

01:10:19.260 And I said,

01:10:19.720 mom,

01:10:20.080 cause I told her over the years,

01:10:21.860 you know,

01:10:22.060 about this,

01:10:22.540 you know,

01:10:22.760 I have this problem and really,

01:10:24.740 bro,

01:10:24.840 it was traumatic,

01:10:25.740 man.

01:10:26.140 It is pretty traumatic. 0.98

01:10:27.860 And then you're in relationships and I couldn't have sex with my girlfriend. 0.98

01:10:31.060 Oh man, 1.00

01:10:32.800 this is horrible. 0.94

01:10:34.380 Can marijuana save your sex life? 0.87

01:10:36.840 Um,

01:10:37.360 a growing number of doctors are prescribing THC for everything from erectile dysfunction to difficulty orgasming.

01:10:41.820 Look at that.

01:10:42.680 You were ahead of your time.

01:10:44.360 We've known for a while,

01:10:45.100 at least anecdotally,

01:10:45.800 that cannabis can enhance the sexual experiences of women.

01:10:48.640 Now I've also noticed it'll make your wife feel like a new woman you've never met.

01:10:53.060 When you're high.

01:10:53.780 When you're high.

01:10:54.320 Totally.

01:10:54.920 Totally.

01:10:55.400 You're like,

01:10:55.660 oh, 0.99

01:10:55.760 these tits are new. 0.99

01:10:56.820 These shoulders are new. 0.99

01:10:58.500 Yeah.

01:10:59.360 Yeah.

01:10:59.900 But a recent survey of medical cannabis users conducted by HelloMD,

01:11:03.900 a telemedicine.

01:11:05.340 Let's scroll down.

01:11:08.260 Platform found that men and women had seen a boost in their sex life.

01:11:13.120 How do you like that?

01:11:14.040 See,

01:11:14.200 when I'm high,

01:11:14.760 I'm not horny.

01:11:16.940 Really?

01:11:17.480 I'm just in my head too much.

01:11:18.780 I'm thinking about,

01:11:19.540 you know,

01:11:20.440 sofas and cookies and pools.

01:11:22.200 But is that an indica though?

01:11:23.420 I wonder if it's the wrong strand.

01:11:25.080 Maybe.

01:11:25.600 I don't know my strands that well.

01:11:27.220 Yeah.

01:11:27.700 Indica's in the couch. 1.00

01:11:29.540 And then sativa is like the energetic one.

01:11:31.780 Oh,

01:11:31.980 I think it's vice versa.

01:11:33.080 Oh,

01:11:33.320 is that right?

01:11:33.940 Okay.

01:11:34.400 Ben,

01:11:34.660 what is it?

01:11:35.340 Yeah,

01:11:35.600 it's,

01:11:35.980 they say the indica couch thing.

01:11:37.640 So it's basically indica's kind of mellow and the other one will kind of give you an energy,

01:11:41.480 but it really doesn't matter at this point.

01:11:43.040 Well,

01:11:43.220 I've never,

01:11:43.600 then I've been doing it all along for a long time.

01:11:47.860 You're smoking something, 0.56

01:11:48.860 getting boners. 0.65

01:11:49.360 Yeah.

01:11:50.000 But that was good,

01:11:51.000 man.

01:11:51.080 When I got those boners,

01:11:52.220 dude,

01:11:52.540 it was fun.

01:11:53.460 It's a great feeling.

01:11:54.800 You got married.

01:11:55.640 Oh,

01:11:55.720 you're off the market.

01:11:56.640 I'm off the market.

01:11:57.920 Happily married.

01:11:58.580 Got a great lady and we're,

01:12:01.260 we're going to maybe have some rug rats do the whole thing. 1.00

01:12:04.580 Are you guys doing embryo?

01:12:06.580 Are you guys going to outsource it now?

01:12:09.060 Nah,

01:12:09.520 we're going to,

01:12:09.880 she's young enough. 0.83

01:12:11.600 So I think we're going to just try to shoot loads.

01:12:14.940 Fill up that yum tunnel.

01:12:16.060 Oh,

01:12:16.160 there she is.

01:12:16.860 Hey,

01:12:17.260 there's the lady. 1.00

01:12:18.240 Oh,

01:12:18.580 wow,

01:12:19.120 dude.

01:12:19.680 Bro,

01:12:19.880 was that scary for you?

01:12:21.160 Was it scary to commit to being married?

01:12:23.180 Of course.

01:12:23.980 Terrifying.

01:12:24.340 I still wake up every day scared.

01:12:26.800 Oh,

01:12:27.140 wow.

01:12:27.600 She's hot, 1.00

01:12:28.300 huh?

01:12:28.440 Oh,

01:12:28.740 Hey,

01:12:29.100 thanks.

01:12:29.640 I mean,

01:12:29.800 I'm not looking at her,

01:12:30.620 but she seems hot. 1.00

01:12:31.580 She's got a ample bosom. 1.00

01:12:34.020 Great gal. 1.00

01:12:34.840 Funny.

01:12:35.620 She's funny.

01:12:36.500 Yeah,

01:12:36.740 really funny.

01:12:37.580 I,

01:12:37.840 I can't, 1.00

01:12:39.040 she says horrible shit around the house. 1.00

01:12:40.440 Like if anybody, 0.99

01:12:41.640 if Alexa was just like, 0.99

01:12:43.200 I've been listening to the whole thing.

01:12:44.520 I'm going to tell everybody.

01:12:46.320 We'd all go to jail.

01:12:47.360 Yeah.

01:12:48.260 But I like that.

01:12:49.560 You know,

01:12:49.900 you know,

01:12:50.160 you're hanging out with a girl and you say some offensive joke.

01:12:52.400 She's like,

01:12:53.120 okay.

01:12:54.180 Yeah.

01:12:54.600 All right.

01:12:54.840 We could never hang out.

01:12:55.920 Yeah.

01:12:56.260 She's the opposite. 1.00

01:12:57.140 She's a psycho. 1.00

01:12:58.640 Was that one of the first, 0.99

01:12:59.560 like,

01:12:59.720 is that,

01:13:00.280 that's definitely a thing.

01:13:01.240 You have to have a woman who's funny or gets, 1.00

01:13:03.300 at least also who gets jokes.

01:13:05.240 Gets it.

01:13:05.900 That's even more important.

01:13:06.820 She's got a great laugh.

01:13:07.660 I feel you love a lady with a laugh.

01:13:10.520 Yeah,

01:13:10.900 dude.

01:13:11.140 I used to think,

01:13:12.400 yeah,

01:13:13.400 if I could have got my mother to laugh at me,

01:13:15.900 then I don't know if I ever would have done any of it.

01:13:18.560 No,

01:13:18.820 you'd be sane.

01:13:19.660 You'd have no mullet.

01:13:21.320 You'd,

01:13:21.520 you'd be working at,

01:13:22.300 you know,

01:13:22.680 a pink berry.

01:13:24.260 Yeah.

01:13:24.660 I'd be a manager.

01:13:25.760 Yeah.

01:13:26.560 You'd just have a normal life.

01:13:27.960 Oh,

01:13:28.220 I'd have said,

01:13:28.660 yeah,

01:13:28.760 I'd have been a local attorney.

01:13:29.820 You would have been too.

01:13:31.120 Oh,

01:13:31.440 really?

01:13:31.860 All right.

01:13:32.020 I think in Louisiana.

01:13:33.300 I do declare,

01:13:34.800 my client did not rape that woman. 0.57

01:13:37.500 They're always sweating too.

01:13:38.800 Like there's no AC in the South.

01:13:40.140 Yeah.

01:13:40.960 Dude.

01:13:42.340 Even if they are,

01:13:43.340 we'd have been wearing seer.

01:13:44.360 Bro,

01:13:44.560 from New Orleans,

01:13:45.220 we would have been wearing seersucker suits.

01:13:47.300 Oh yeah.

01:13:47.920 We'd have been eating fried shrimp every day.

01:13:50.080 Yeah.

01:13:50.340 Mint juleps.

01:13:51.420 Oh yeah.

01:13:51.960 And begging some judge. 0.79

01:13:54.120 Yep.

01:13:54.900 To give our client some leniency and probably some ambulance chaser fraud.

01:13:59.480 Oh,

01:13:59.980 remember Morris Bart?

01:14:00.940 Oh yeah.

01:14:01.760 One call,

01:14:02.360 that's all.

01:14:03.000 I'm on your side.

01:14:04.180 Yeah.

01:14:05.560 Remember Chip Forstall?

01:14:06.960 Yeah.

01:14:07.760 Whoa.

01:14:08.680 You're blowing my mind.

01:14:09.700 Chip Forstall takes care of it all.

01:14:12.540 Dude,

01:14:12.800 every town,

01:14:13.720 my,

01:14:13.840 the family that I went to live with,

01:14:15.540 the dad worked for Chip Forstall,

01:14:16.920 so I got to go meet him.

01:14:17.960 Whoa.

01:14:19.020 That was big.

01:14:19.600 He was a celebrity.

01:14:20.440 He was a big shot.

01:14:21.820 In Louisiana,

01:14:22.840 Morris Bart,

01:14:23.880 Chip Forstall,

01:14:25.260 Morgus,

01:14:25.820 the presenter. 1.00

01:14:26.680 Oh shit. 1.00

01:14:27.540 Yeah. 1.00

01:14:27.740 How about a 1825 Tulane?

01:14:31.860 Whoa.

01:14:32.340 You knew that one out in,

01:14:33.880 was it Covington?

01:14:34.820 Covington.

01:14:35.280 We knew that.

01:14:35.920 Yeah,

01:14:36.160 dude,

01:14:36.600 that was good,

01:14:37.500 man.

01:14:37.900 No one knows what the hell we're talking about except for like three people.

01:14:41.000 Yeah.

01:14:41.180 They were just small.

01:14:42.540 Like,

01:14:42.560 everybody has their local like attorneys or grocery stores.

01:14:47.720 Yeah,

01:14:47.880 the billboards you see.

01:14:49.280 Yeah.

01:14:49.940 Yeah,

01:14:50.200 Louisiana had theirs and those were some of the biggest ones around the area.

01:14:53.840 Yeah,

01:14:54.420 and you know what's fun is when you do the road and you just flip through the hotel TV

01:14:57.500 and some like,

01:14:58.640 Crazy Carl's fireworks.

01:15:00.260 Sunday,

01:15:00.780 come on down. 0.94

01:15:01.480 Half of,

01:15:01.940 ah.

01:15:02.480 It's wheelchair Wednesday at Crazy Carl's.

01:15:05.820 We've got the ramps out.

01:15:07.220 Right,

01:15:07.700 right.

01:15:07.980 I love that because it feels homey.

01:15:09.540 You feel like,

01:15:09.960 oh,

01:15:10.080 this is a little community here.

01:15:11.920 Well,

01:15:12.360 it's another thing that we've lost by everything just being so like,

01:15:15.240 ah,

01:15:15.980 like when Sirius bought out all the radio stations,

01:15:18.440 when everything just got so big,

01:15:19.840 it's like,

01:15:20.620 the value of your hometown or whatever,

01:15:22.980 unless you really care,

01:15:24.420 there's not as many like little things that bring,

01:15:27.020 that have,

01:15:27.720 that bring people together like in a common space,

01:15:29.960 you know?

01:15:30.340 A hundred percent.

01:15:31.040 Those old auto guys,

01:15:32.260 like they were selling car,

01:15:33.240 used car guys were great.

01:15:35.240 I see,

01:15:35.820 I see.

01:15:36.920 Let her have it. 0.94

01:15:37.860 Let her have it. 0.94

01:15:38.960 That was the guy by us,

01:15:40.360 dude.

01:15:40.840 Yeah,

01:15:41.520 that was,

01:15:41.820 I think it was a furniture store.

01:15:43.060 Well,

01:15:43.220 there's that famous racist furniture ad that goes on,

01:15:46.060 you know,

01:15:46.360 there's like,

01:15:47.480 bring up racist furniture store.

01:15:52.120 Racist furniture is a funny horror movie.

01:15:54.260 It is,

01:15:54.700 dude.

01:15:55.080 You sit down in a chair and you're like, 1.00

01:15:56.800 I hate Jews. 1.00

01:15:58.740 Like it makes you racist. 1.00

01:16:00.540 Bro.

01:16:01.080 Yeah.

01:16:01.360 Yeah.

01:16:01.600 It's like the,

01:16:02.180 it's like,

01:16:02.580 uh,

01:16:02.820 that hat on,

01:16:04.060 uh,

01:16:05.080 a Harry Potter.

01:16:05.940 Oh yeah.

01:16:10.160 We're in the courtroom.

01:16:11.100 Like he had the hat on,

01:16:12.400 sir. 0.75

01:16:12.620 He was laying on the racist couch. 0.88

01:16:14.360 He loves Asians. 0.88

01:16:16.540 Oh man.

01:16:18.160 What was I thinking about?

01:16:19.700 What were you talking about?

01:16:21.000 Oh,

01:16:21.220 well,

01:16:21.520 let's see.

01:16:22.100 We're talking about boners,

01:16:23.480 uh, 0.94

01:16:23.780 racist furniture,

01:16:25.440 uh, 0.84

01:16:26.420 special.

01:16:29.080 Uh oh.

01:16:29.640 Yeah.

01:16:29.840 These,

01:16:30.100 these killer whales are running amok.

01:16:33.200 Yeah.

01:16:33.560 Well, 0.64

01:16:33.660 they killed a bunch of them at this.

01:16:35.300 I saw this.

01:16:36.180 There was a cruise ship pulling in a port.

01:16:37.880 Where was this at?

01:16:38.680 What?

01:16:40.080 A lot of times on cruise liners,

01:16:41.400 people will go out and,

01:16:42.240 and witness when the ship comes into port.

01:16:44.720 Mm hmm.

01:16:45.240 It's like a big moment and people out there with their kids and like,

01:16:47.820 Hey,

01:16:48.000 we're there.

01:16:48.520 We're in,

01:16:48.900 you know,

01:16:49.620 Mexico.

01:16:49.980 We're in some made up Mexico, 0.81

01:16:51.480 like Plenta Bayer or something like,

01:16:53.560 Oh,

01:16:53.720 have you been to Plenta Bayer?

01:16:55.120 Right.

01:16:55.520 Right.

01:16:55.640 Every year it's like a new place that never existed the year before.

01:16:58.460 I know like Tulum.

01:17:00.240 Yeah.

01:17:00.420 I never heard about Tulum.

01:17:01.320 And then one day that's all I hear about is every white person's going,

01:17:04.080 well,

01:17:04.240 we're summering in Tulum.

01:17:05.680 Yeah.

01:17:06.000 And we're also,

01:17:06.760 and also seems kind of sex traffic.

01:17:09.080 He doesn't.

01:17:09.500 Oh yeah.

01:17:10.320 There's a lot of that going on in the,

01:17:11.900 in the Mexico.

01:17:12.740 It seems like a lot of people just like a lot of,

01:17:15.360 um,

01:17:16.600 companies just flying chicks down there and banging them. 1.00

01:17:19.820 Yeah.

01:17:20.180 Yeah.

01:17:20.420 And,

01:17:20.620 and more power to them.

01:17:22.960 You're making the world a better,

01:17:24.240 but not for them.

01:17:25.120 They're like,

01:17:25.600 right.

01:17:25.720 Right.

01:17:26.500 A cruise line has apologized to over 1,000 of his passengers after one of its

01:17:29.820 ships arrived at the port in the middle of a whale hunt where dozens of the

01:17:33.380 marine mammals,

01:17:34.200 I shouldn't be laughing.

01:17:34.920 Oh no.

01:17:35.540 Were being slaughtered.

01:17:37.760 Ah,

01:17:38.120 aren't they like a endangered?

01:17:41.320 Yeah.

01:17:41.740 Why were they doing it?

01:17:42.680 Can we go up and see this?

01:17:45.060 It's poor whales,

01:17:46.180 man.

01:17:47.100 Oh,

01:17:48.080 incredibly disappointed that this hunt occurred at the time that our ship was

01:17:53.160 in port.

01:17:54.280 Ooh.

01:17:55.200 Well,

01:17:55.400 no wonder the orcas are pissed.

01:17:58.020 Yeah.

01:17:58.820 As has been whaling still occurs in the Faroe Islands today.

01:18:04.520 They've eaten pilot whale meat and blubber since they first settled the

01:18:07.260 island.

01:18:07.600 So it's just part of their tradition there today.

01:18:10.100 As in times past,

01:18:11.100 the whale drive is a community activity open to all.

01:18:14.560 Dan.

01:18:15.040 See,

01:18:15.200 it's funny how progressive people love brown people and immigrants,

01:18:20.060 but they couldn't agree less with progressive people.

01:18:23.680 They're like, 0.99

01:18:23.920 we're going to kill animals. 0.51

01:18:25.380 There's a lot of gender roles, 1.00

01:18:27.220 you know,

01:18:27.440 like these old school tribe people or whatever you want to call them.

01:18:32.380 They're wild.

01:18:33.480 Oh,

01:18:33.900 I see what you're saying.

01:18:34.440 They're like,

01:18:34.800 we should give all this,

01:18:36.180 uh,

01:18:37.100 place back to the native inhabitants,

01:18:38.900 but then the native inhabitants do stuff like this,

01:18:40.700 which is something that progressive people would be totally against.

01:18:43.100 Exactly.

01:18:43.620 Exactly. 0.86

01:18:43.860 Like we make a gay joke that's off color. 0.72

01:18:46.500 And people are like,

01:18:47.140 you know,

01:18:47.800 cancel them. 1.00

01:18:49.000 These guys are doing crazy shit. 1.00

01:18:50.900 Yeah. 1.00

01:18:51.540 Like hitting their women and stuff. 0.97

01:18:53.960 Well, 0.93

01:18:54.320 it's also like,

01:18:55.000 I used to think about how like they would sell like,

01:18:57.140 like it's fancy spas.

01:18:58.820 They sell like mud baths and stuff.

01:19:00.560 Yeah.

01:19:01.160 But if you go to,

01:19:02.940 but then they have countries literally where kids are bathed in mud and

01:19:07.400 they're like,

01:19:07.720 we got to help them.

01:19:09.060 Right.

01:19:10.140 Right.

01:19:10.260 What do you mean that costs $300?

01:19:12.160 That's hilarious.

01:19:13.640 You ever notice too about these spas?

01:19:15.080 I did a gig in like San Diego.

01:19:16.940 It was like a rich area.

01:19:17.900 And it's all these hot moms with little dogs and they're, 1.00

01:19:21.240 Mercedes.

01:19:22.000 Oh yeah.

01:19:22.440 And they go into a spa all day and get massaged and the Kiwi on the eye 1.00

01:19:26.260 and all that.

01:19:26.720 And I'm like,

01:19:27.280 who needs a spa less than you? 1.00

01:19:30.160 These roofers or landscape,

01:19:31.680 they need a spa day.

01:19:33.400 They need a foot massage. 0.99

01:19:34.940 Oh yeah.

01:19:35.540 Dude.

01:19:35.940 Imagine.

01:19:36.580 Have you seen that guy Vic blends that rolls up and cuts people's hair?

01:19:39.900 No.

01:19:41.060 Like a drive-by cutting?

01:19:42.460 No.

01:19:43.260 That'd be too hard.

01:19:44.380 It's consensual.

01:19:45.360 Yeah.

01:19:45.540 It's consensual.

01:19:45.980 He pulls up.

01:19:48.380 What?

01:19:49.320 It's really neat guys.

01:19:50.420 He's on Tik Tok.

01:19:51.160 And he pulls up and it's mostly,

01:19:53.280 and he likes trimming up brothers.

01:19:55.720 Right?

01:19:56.120 Yeah.

01:19:56.480 Really.

01:19:56.880 Which is,

01:19:57.340 you know,

01:19:57.700 he favors a black community.

01:19:59.120 I think I haven't seen the ones I've seen.

01:20:00.960 It's all young black men that he's trimming. 1.00

01:20:02.680 And it's cool.

01:20:03.200 It's like,

01:20:04.200 you know,

01:20:04.420 it's a lot of times it's a guy.

01:20:06.280 I saw one the other day. 0.99

01:20:07.160 It was a garbage man,

01:20:08.180 right? 0.99

01:20:08.640 Mm-hmm.

01:20:09.440 The guy's in a truck working.

01:20:10.980 He's like,

01:20:11.280 hey man,

01:20:11.580 why don't you take a break for 10,

01:20:12.760 you know,

01:20:13.300 10 minutes.

01:20:13.820 Let me tighten you up. 1.00

01:20:15.160 Right?

01:20:15.240 Yeah.

01:20:15.840 So he kind of like gets,

01:20:17.000 you know,

01:20:17.220 it's just like,

01:20:17.700 it's like a,

01:20:18.340 it's pretty beautiful what he does.

01:20:20.000 Okay.

01:20:20.580 Because right now it feels like a trap.

01:20:22.080 Yeah.

01:20:22.260 Yeah.

01:20:22.680 This does feel like it.

01:20:23.860 It feels weird.

01:20:24.580 Yeah.

01:20:25.160 Give me your kid for 20 minutes. 1.00

01:20:28.200 Yeah.

01:20:28.580 This feels,

01:20:29.220 so he does that and then, 0.99

01:20:32.460 oh shit, 1.00

01:20:32.900 what were we talking about? 1.00

01:20:34.540 Uh,

01:20:35.560 wait, 1.00

01:20:36.460 shit. 1.00

01:20:38.140 What was that? 1.00

01:20:41.880 Right before that though. 0.99

01:20:43.560 Oh shit, 0.99

01:20:44.380 I just had it. 1.00

01:20:45.880 Oh,

01:20:46.320 spa.

01:20:47.100 Oh yeah,

01:20:47.620 the spa.

01:20:49.260 So,

01:20:50.320 who needs a spa less? 1.00

01:20:51.460 The mud bath.

01:20:52.340 Right.

01:20:52.560 Wouldn't it be great if there was a foot massager that did what Vic blends does? 0.73

01:20:56.000 Oh yeah.

01:20:56.760 And he just rolls up on a couple of brothers.

01:20:58.800 Like,

01:20:59.120 Hey boy,

01:20:59.820 y'all look like y'all had a tough day out here.

01:21:02.600 I don't know if the bros would go for that. 0.97

01:21:04.600 That would still be fucking wild. 0.98

01:21:06.060 That would be wild. 0.99

01:21:07.200 Hey,

01:21:07.460 let me touch up them low nuggets,

01:21:09.300 homie.

01:21:09.900 You know what I'm saying?

01:21:10.840 Boy.

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01:21:41.900 That's why I'm so jealous,

01:21:43.060 not to change something,

01:21:44.020 but I'm jealous of guys who are in a feat.

01:21:45.720 Yeah.

01:21:46.120 Because they're everywhere.

01:21:47.500 Like, 0.98

01:21:47.760 we like tits, 1.00

01:21:49.500 but you don't really get to see tits out in a while, 1.00

01:21:51.820 but flip flops,

01:21:53.040 open toe sandal,

01:21:55.000 barefoot women, 1.00

01:21:55.920 they're just there.

01:21:56.680 That's true.

01:21:57.180 I never thought about that.

01:21:58.140 Must be nice.

01:21:59.320 Yeah.

01:21:59.660 It must be nice to live in just in a smorgasbord.

01:22:02.080 Like every,

01:22:02.520 everywhere's a nudist colony.

01:22:04.020 Yeah,

01:22:04.700 exactly.

01:22:06.420 I mean,

01:22:07.320 and you could be one of those guys like,

01:22:08.660 Hey,

01:22:08.780 you're coming in here.

01:22:09.480 You got to take your shoes off and come to my house.

01:22:11.320 I can't do that with a bra.

01:22:17.420 Um,

01:22:18.020 and everybody wants a foot massage.

01:22:19.620 Yeah.

01:22:20.440 Oh yeah.

01:22:21.120 That's the thing.

01:22:21.780 You roll up like,

01:22:22.660 Hey,

01:22:22.820 let me just,

01:22:23.500 let me touch them hooves,

01:22:25.260 baby.

01:22:25.640 Yeah.

01:22:26.620 And they're like,

01:22:27.120 please.

01:22:27.660 I had a hard day in these heels.

01:22:29.220 Oh dude.

01:22:29.860 If somebody came up right now,

01:22:31.380 a strong,

01:22:32.700 I would,

01:22:33.080 I think I'd have to be a woman though,

01:22:34.300 for me to do it.

01:22:35.400 I don't want a man pushing around in my feet and feeling me like that.

01:22:39.140 Now I think I'd prefer a man. 0.53

01:22:41.620 Really?

01:22:42.180 Well,

01:22:42.360 I don't want,

01:22:42.680 I got bad feet.

01:22:43.880 I got a yellow toenail,

01:22:45.340 a bunion,

01:22:46.100 a canker,

01:22:47.200 a hemorrhoid.

01:22:48.540 It's bad down there.

01:22:49.340 Why?

01:22:49.560 You have a hemorrhoid?

01:22:50.440 Well,

01:22:50.860 what do you got?

01:22:51.280 Bunion.

01:22:52.080 Oh yeah.

01:22:52.640 It's like a foot hemorrhoid.

01:22:53.840 Like,

01:22:54.080 yeah, 0.99

01:22:54.180 if you're shitting out of your foot, 1.00

01:22:56.140 you're not doing good. 0.99

01:22:58.840 Not there yet.

01:23:01.220 Yeah,

01:23:01.620 the roll up foot massage,

01:23:02.860 that's,

01:23:03.140 that's not bad.

01:23:04.220 Mm-mm.

01:23:05.680 What else was I thinking about,

01:23:07.140 dude?

01:23:08.440 So you guys are living in New York though?

01:23:10.400 Living in New York.

01:23:11.180 You and the spouse?

01:23:11.820 You feeling good about it?

01:23:12.840 Feeling good.

01:23:13.460 We're going to buy a place in Brooklyn,

01:23:15.320 like a bigger place with a yard and stuff.

01:23:17.280 Mm-hmm.

01:23:17.660 Sorry.

01:23:18.380 So that'll be fun.

01:23:19.620 And,

01:23:19.940 uh,

01:23:20.240 yeah.

01:23:20.740 You see my boy Louie around ever?

01:23:22.180 Louie CK?

01:23:22.900 Sure,

01:23:23.380 he's around.

01:23:24.140 I love him.

01:23:24.880 Yeah,

01:23:25.120 he's great.

01:23:26.100 God,

01:23:26.400 dude,

01:23:26.560 I don't know if there's anybody funnier than him.

01:23:28.800 I mean,

01:23:29.080 he's definitely one of the best of all time.

01:23:31.480 For sure.

01:23:32.460 Just his,

01:23:33.300 like,

01:23:33.600 I'll talk to him on the phone,

01:23:35.580 and I'm not trying to like humble brag or anything.

01:23:37.400 I mean,

01:23:37.580 I love,

01:23:38.120 he just,

01:23:39.180 and he,

01:23:39.620 I'm laughing so hard.

01:23:41.680 Yeah.

01:23:42.720 He loves you.

01:23:43.540 He really,

01:23:44.100 uh,

01:23:44.340 I listened to that episode,

01:23:45.580 and he really blew you,

01:23:46.560 which is rare for him.

01:23:48.200 It was nice of him.

01:23:49.260 He and I have become buddies.

01:23:50.640 Oh,

01:23:50.860 that's great.

01:23:51.560 Yeah.

01:23:52.100 It's again,

01:23:52.380 like David Spade,

01:23:53.120 did you ever think?

01:23:54.080 Oh,

01:23:54.360 I can't even imagine.

01:23:55.420 I used to watch him on Comedy Central when I was in college.

01:23:58.180 Yeah.

01:23:59.680 Crazy. 0.65

01:24:00.380 Dude, 0.95

01:24:00.780 yeah.

01:24:01.260 That's what's great about comedy,

01:24:02.460 is like,

01:24:02.720 if you're just some guitar,

01:24:03.980 bar guitar guy,

01:24:05.380 you're never gonna meet Mick Jagger.

01:24:07.020 Yeah.

01:24:07.380 He's the top.

01:24:08.580 But we can meet top comedians.

01:24:10.000 I've met Seinfeld,

01:24:10.860 and all these guys,

01:24:11.680 and it's not that weird.

01:24:13.760 We're all comics.

01:24:15.160 Yeah.

01:24:15.600 There's less pretension in comedy.

01:24:18.220 Oh,

01:24:18.680 that's interesting.

01:24:20.260 Yeah,

01:24:20.700 there's less pretension in it.

01:24:23.040 Um,

01:24:24.080 yeah,

01:24:24.420 one crazy thing,

01:24:25.500 uh,

01:24:25.720 so at the UFC,

01:24:26.700 Shane Gillis had on Versace,

01:24:28.460 huh?

01:24:28.880 Yeah,

01:24:29.360 that didn't.

01:24:29.700 Has he changed her?

01:24:30.780 That did not feel like him.

01:24:32.100 He's always the black t-shirt guy.

01:24:33.680 Yeah.

01:24:34.640 I was like,

01:24:35.400 wow,

01:24:35.800 some of the,

01:24:36.280 you know.

01:24:37.780 Yeah,

01:24:38.040 well,

01:24:38.220 you get,

01:24:38.520 you get out there with the Rogans

01:24:39.820 and the UFC,

01:24:40.380 you start changing,

01:24:42.780 you know,

01:24:43.140 you get that evil in you.

01:24:44.960 There's something that happens,

01:24:46.040 man.

01:24:46.380 You want to buy a tiger

01:24:47.480 and,

01:24:48.060 and,

01:24:48.480 uh,

01:24:49.620 buy like a cool car.

01:24:51.160 Yeah,

01:24:51.340 get a face tat.

01:24:52.440 Yeah,

01:24:53.180 yeah,

01:24:53.480 Mike Tyson.

01:24:55.020 Who,

01:24:55.520 what community would be most likely,

01:24:56.600 you think,

01:24:56.820 to get a face tat?

01:24:58.400 Mmm,

01:24:59.480 well,

01:24:59.680 D'Elia got a neck.

01:25:00.920 That's as close as you can get.

01:25:02.320 Yeah.

01:25:03.560 Face tat's tough.

01:25:05.480 Um,

01:25:06.520 yeah,

01:25:06.800 who would it be?

01:25:08.000 Yeah,

01:25:08.280 maybe Louis J.

01:25:09.660 Oh,

01:25:10.180 yeah,

01:25:10.680 that's pretty good.

01:25:11.520 Because he's in a fighting and stuff,

01:25:13.480 he's in a jiu-jitsu,

01:25:14.580 you know,

01:25:14.920 he's a tough guy.

01:25:17.540 Um,

01:25:17.780 I don't think it would look bad on him.

01:25:19.200 No,

01:25:19.500 it would work.

01:25:20.160 Right,

01:25:20.440 it would work.

01:25:21.240 I think Cat Williams could do something,

01:25:23.180 something nutty on the face.

01:25:25.760 I can't decide what he would do.

01:25:27.600 He's my number one podcast guest that I want to have.

01:25:30.220 Oh,

01:25:30.680 his feet wouldn't hit the floor.

01:25:32.060 Yeah.

01:25:32.420 He's so little and cute.

01:25:33.880 Oh,

01:25:34.040 he's tiny, 0.99

01:25:34.720 but he's so fucking funny. 0.98

01:25:36.920 Wow. 0.97

01:25:37.300 Oh,

01:25:37.580 yeah.

01:25:38.380 I always thought he should have done comedians and cars with coffee.

01:25:40.880 Just those two in a car together,

01:25:43.100 couldn't be more different.

01:25:44.520 Oh,

01:25:44.920 man,

01:25:45.120 that would have been gold.

01:25:46.060 That would have been so gold.

01:25:47.820 Wow.

01:25:48.660 Yeah,

01:25:48.960 he does,

01:25:49.260 he does these arenas.

01:25:50.500 My friend used to open for him.

01:25:51.500 He's got stories.

01:25:52.320 Really?

01:25:52.900 Yeah,

01:25:53.220 one time he was late,

01:25:54.260 apparently,

01:25:54.900 and he gets paid in cash,

01:25:56.780 in an arena.

01:25:57.540 That's,

01:25:57.700 you're making a lot of money.

01:25:59.320 And how does he have to use,

01:26:00.260 two hands probably to put that bag on his back? 0.77

01:26:01.980 That's expensive.

01:26:02.520 That's a lot of cash.

01:26:03.540 Tons.

01:26:04.100 Tons of cash,

01:26:04.900 but he was late for the gig,

01:26:06.260 so he felt bad,

01:26:07.300 so he said,

01:26:07.740 pay me now,

01:26:08.480 and he was throwing the money out into the audience.

01:26:11.240 Wow. 0.74

01:26:11.860 Crazy.

01:26:12.800 Ugh. 0.96

01:26:13.480 And he's only famous from,

01:26:15.260 I guess he did some BET stuff,

01:26:17.280 but I think he was just on a movie.

01:26:19.700 Well,

01:26:20.120 he did that comedy special in the green.

01:26:24.180 Oh,

01:26:24.700 yeah.

01:26:25.240 Or purple jacket.

01:26:26.080 Which one was it?

01:26:27.440 He's had a couple,

01:26:28.700 but yeah,

01:26:29.040 he's so funny.

01:26:31.100 Oh,

01:26:31.320 he does have a face tattoo.

01:26:32.260 Oh,

01:26:32.840 I called it.

01:26:33.760 Oh,

01:26:33.920 he tattooed a goatee on. 1.00

01:26:35.980 Damn, 0.99

01:26:36.400 he could have just waited. 0.99

01:26:38.400 Yeah.

01:26:39.140 He didn't need to do that.

01:26:40.440 Oh,

01:26:40.760 there he is right there.

01:26:41.780 That was the one.

01:26:43.380 Whole little tink tink.

01:26:44.500 Remember that?

01:26:45.420 Yeah,

01:26:46.100 pimp chronicles.

01:26:47.140 God,

01:26:47.460 it was so good.

01:26:49.860 Imagine seeing him at an open mic.

01:26:51.000 How does a guy like that start?

01:26:52.740 Was he like,

01:26:53.260 hey,

01:26:53.540 milk's weird,

01:26:54.480 or did he just come out of the gate in that suit?

01:26:57.660 That's a great point.

01:26:58.920 I couldn't even imagine Cat Williams at like his going to do his first comedy set.

01:27:04.100 Wild.

01:27:05.220 Well, 0.99

01:27:05.640 a lot of black guys are just built that black people have some just built in funny. 0.99

01:27:09.020 Black people have so much fun joking and making fun of me. 0.98

01:27:12.900 It's like, 0.94

01:27:13.600 it's always like the kids around the middle school table.

01:27:18.340 Yes.

01:27:18.460 Like lunch table.

01:27:19.460 Totally.

01:27:19.960 That energy keeps forever in the black community,

01:27:22.480 I feel like.

01:27:23.160 I know.

01:27:23.820 It's a lot of energy and ball busty. 1.00

01:27:26.920 And they say funny shit like you got a head like a box cutter. 0.99

01:27:32.880 And you're like, 1.00

01:27:33.280 damn, 0.99

01:27:33.700 how'd you think of that? 1.00

01:27:34.480 Damn, 1.00

01:27:35.000 Larry got that box cutter. 1.00

01:27:36.460 Yeah.

01:27:36.960 Larry got that box cutter.

01:27:40.300 I know.

01:27:41.000 Do the box cutter.

01:27:42.120 Then it's a dance.

01:27:43.140 Yeah,

01:27:43.220 exactly.

01:27:43.860 It never ends.

01:27:44.960 It never ends.

01:27:45.960 You're like, 1.00

01:27:46.320 damn, 0.99

01:27:46.560 I was hoping that box cutter thing wouldn't catch on. 1.00

01:27:49.120 Damn, 1.00

01:27:49.380 Larry working for UPS with that head. 1.00

01:27:52.060 That's one nice thing about growing up in Louisiana.

01:27:53.960 We were exposed to a lot of that.

01:27:55.380 That's a good point,

01:27:56.040 man.

01:27:56.820 And there was always, 0.91

01:27:58.220 you always wanted to make black people laugh. 0.99

01:28:01.000 I mean,

01:28:01.180 if you could get the,

01:28:03.200 and also black,

01:28:04.760 a lot of black,

01:28:05.680 when I was growing up,

01:28:06.560 you know, 0.98

01:28:07.460 a lot of black guys were real scary. 1.00

01:28:09.600 You know, 0.99

01:28:09.800 there was violence.

01:28:10.980 So you had to,

01:28:11.900 you had to be like, 0.99

01:28:13.060 I got to make this guy fucking laugh. 0.99

01:28:14.960 Oh yeah. 0.99

01:28:15.800 Yeah,

01:28:16.040 definitely.

01:28:16.640 He didn't have a dad.

01:28:17.760 Yeah. 0.99

01:28:18.820 Somebody's got to fucking bring some, 0.96

01:28:20.400 I have to at least bring like, 0.97

01:28:23.360 yeah,

01:28:23.720 there was something about that,

01:28:25.200 man.

01:28:25.800 Yeah.

01:28:26.060 It was like if, 0.71

01:28:27.260 cause you had to find some way to communicate with black.

01:28:29.480 It was tough back then.

01:28:30.500 It was different.

01:28:31.000 It was a little different.

01:28:31.540 It was definitely different.

01:28:32.600 There was a clear tension,

01:28:34.900 you know,

01:28:35.140 like you would walk up and the record would scratch.

01:28:36.960 Yeah,

01:28:37.520 dude,

01:28:38.140 you felt definitely uncomfortable.

01:28:40.220 Yeah.

01:28:40.640 Um,

01:28:41.640 you think that tension will ever go away in the world?

01:28:43.980 Like the tension from,

01:28:45.220 cause there's a lot of,

01:28:46.320 there's also a lot of like,

01:28:47.680 there's a lot,

01:28:48.460 people always,

01:28:49.360 racism always gets blamed on white people.

01:28:51.220 Right. 0.79

01:28:51.440 Sure.

01:28:51.820 I feel like,

01:28:52.340 which is very exhausting because as a modern day person,

01:28:56.200 you can't do anything to go into the past.

01:28:59.260 I know,

01:28:59.860 I know it's tough.

01:29:00.560 And I get it.

01:29:01.120 I get the anger.

01:29:02.160 Yeah.

01:29:02.440 If I could go into the past,

01:29:03.600 like,

01:29:03.740 you know,

01:29:04.040 600 years ago or something and work for the coast guard or whatever.

01:29:07.040 Sure.

01:29:07.540 You know,

01:29:07.780 I would have shut all that stuff down.

01:29:09.800 Yeah.

01:29:10.260 Yeah.

01:29:10.520 But you think maybe,

01:29:12.200 but it was so normal then you might've just gone with it.

01:29:15.000 It's like being a Nazi. 0.77

01:29:16.680 I don't,

01:29:17.140 I don't know.

01:29:17.600 I think I would have,

01:29:18.880 I don't think I would have either.

01:29:19.800 Just cause I'm,

01:29:20.360 I want to be liked.

01:29:21.160 So I don't care what you look like.

01:29:22.740 Yeah.

01:29:23.040 I'm still going to tap dance for you.

01:29:24.480 Yeah.

01:29:25.000 That's a good point.

01:29:25.860 You know,

01:29:26.820 but yeah,

01:29:27.180 that is tough.

01:29:28.380 Uh,

01:29:28.660 but do you think that,

01:29:29.540 uh,

01:29:30.520 and then I think the hatred and stuff like that,

01:29:32.400 it just gets stuck in D sometimes it gets stuck in DNA,

01:29:35.360 you know?

01:29:35.800 Of course.

01:29:36.260 I think some of that stuff takes a,

01:29:37.660 like if your grandparents went through a ton of pain or an unfair life,

01:29:43.160 then I think that gets in the DNA and it takes generations for it to pass through.

01:29:48.140 Right.

01:29:48.720 Yeah,

01:29:48.960 I agree.

01:29:49.480 But we'll find any way to hate another group.

01:29:52.680 It doesn't have to just be skin color.

01:29:54.220 You like Rwanda.

01:29:55.600 What is that?

01:29:56.000 The shoot twos and the Shiites. 1.00

01:29:58.060 Oh yeah. 0.99

01:29:58.460 The who twos and the tootsies.

01:29:59.880 Yeah. 0.99

01:30:00.220 They're both black, 1.00

01:30:01.100 but they hate each other. 0.99

01:30:02.040 We'll always find a way,

01:30:04.060 you know,

01:30:04.340 with the left and right.

01:30:05.780 It's,

01:30:06.260 it's,

01:30:06.620 uh,

01:30:06.700 it's all you need now.

01:30:08.520 Yeah.

01:30:08.900 I wonder if that is.

01:30:10.940 Yeah.

01:30:11.320 You know,

01:30:11.520 I think a lot about that.

01:30:12.500 Is that just part of nature?

01:30:14.460 Cause nature is that too.

01:30:15.820 You,

01:30:16.020 you know,

01:30:16.580 a zoo,

01:30:17.240 if you,

01:30:17.760 if you took the cages down,

01:30:19.460 in a zoo.

01:30:20.540 Oh yeah. 0.94

01:30:21.040 Half those animals would immediately kill the other half. 0.98

01:30:23.380 Exactly.

01:30:24.480 It's like jail.

01:30:25.720 They always go Aryan nation, 1.00

01:30:27.600 black guy, 0.93

01:30:28.240 Mexican guy.

01:30:29.000 Yeah.

01:30:29.600 And if you're Asian, 1.00

01:30:31.280 you're getting fucked. 1.00

01:30:32.560 Yeah, 1.00

01:30:32.960 dude.

01:30:33.460 Oh,

01:30:33.820 you're the,

01:30:34.220 you're a, 0.53

01:30:34.880 you're like a little,

01:30:35.700 uh,

01:30:36.120 Christmas ham.

01:30:37.400 A little sitting duck sauce.

01:30:38.920 Oh,

01:30:43.080 that's good,

01:30:43.740 dude.

01:30:44.340 Yeah.

01:30:44.920 It's just tribal. 0.59

01:30:46.240 It's in the DNA.

01:30:47.020 We had to survive like that for hundreds of years.

01:30:49.980 And sometimes I wonder,

01:30:50.820 do we ever get to a point where there isn't any of that?

01:30:53.660 Or is that just,

01:30:55.840 you know,

01:30:56.320 like,

01:30:56.820 will that just always be nature?

01:30:58.600 And this idea that one day everything will be completely harmonious.

01:31:03.900 Well,

01:31:04.060 it's better now than it's ever been.

01:31:06.340 Yeah.

01:31:06.760 I think I,

01:31:07.180 especially with young people,

01:31:08.000 you see that.

01:31:08.740 Definitely.

01:31:09.160 Definitely.

01:31:09.500 Like you'll see young kids of like different ethnicities and stuff and hanging out.

01:31:12.620 And it's totally chill.

01:31:14.000 Yeah.

01:31:14.380 I'm like, 0.99

01:31:14.900 holy shit. 1.00

01:31:15.300 You don't even realize this guy's a Chinaman. 1.00

01:31:18.400 I know.

01:31:19.120 He's got the chopsticks and everything.

01:31:20.780 It's like,

01:31:21.540 what are you kids doing?

01:31:22.840 I know.

01:31:23.860 Yeah.

01:31:24.000 If you want to be racist now,

01:31:25.100 you have to have a chart.

01:31:26.180 You literally have to know math.

01:31:27.760 Like you have to be able to divide.

01:31:30.040 Yes.

01:31:30.600 And figure it out.

01:31:31.660 But now it's,

01:31:32.740 it used to be racial divide or gay divide or men,

01:31:35.560 women divide. 1.00

01:31:36.040 Now it's,

01:31:37.300 oh,

01:31:37.360 you disagree with my ideology or whatever.

01:31:40.320 Yeah.

01:31:40.780 You're no friend of mine.

01:31:42.120 Yeah.

01:31:42.580 You know,

01:31:42.880 it's,

01:31:43.060 it's all become opinion based now instead of color based.

01:31:45.580 So we still have hatred.

01:31:47.100 We just put it into a different gutter.

01:31:51.520 Yeah.

01:31:51.940 It's just kind of,

01:31:52.500 you know,

01:31:52.840 that's the thing.

01:31:53.760 Being,

01:31:54.080 being alive is just interesting.

01:31:55.340 Cause you're like,

01:31:56.400 okay,

01:31:56.960 well this kind of stuff always be there.

01:31:59.120 I know.

01:31:59.800 I just think you can't get rid of everything.

01:32:01.780 And it's all cyclical.

01:32:03.420 Like I saw this thing in the seventies where like battle of the sexes,

01:32:06.100 men and women aren't getting along. 0.99

01:32:07.400 And you're like,

01:32:07.960 oh,

01:32:08.160 that's just like now we're not that different.

01:32:10.240 Yeah.

01:32:11.220 But you know,

01:32:11.660 you ever see a dog about to take a nap and he circles the rug three times and sits down.

01:32:16.240 Oh yeah.

01:32:16.800 You know what that is?

01:32:18.220 That's a sundowners,

01:32:19.460 isn't it?

01:32:19.800 Well,

01:32:20.040 what is that?

01:32:22.280 Oh,

01:32:22.520 a dog.

01:32:23.320 You know what?

01:32:23.720 It circles around.

01:32:24.860 Then it sits or lays down.

01:32:26.540 Yes.

01:32:26.920 Yes.

01:32:27.240 Yes.

01:32:27.520 They're flattening the grass from the wolf days.

01:32:31.020 That's just in the DNA. 1.00

01:32:32.220 So that shit is imprinted. 1.00

01:32:34.260 Yeah. 1.00

01:32:35.280 So I'm just saying like,

01:32:36.620 we're always going to be tribal.

01:32:39.000 Right.

01:32:39.440 Yeah.

01:32:39.560 I think about this,

01:32:40.400 like the other day,

01:32:41.940 I don't like being in traffic that much.

01:32:43.980 Right.

01:32:44.360 And if it's on the interstate sometimes,

01:32:46.420 and there's a holdup,

01:32:47.880 I'll go around the side.

01:32:49.980 Sure.

01:32:50.480 Right.

01:32:50.820 I'll just go.

01:32:51.480 I'm willing to get up there and see the cop.

01:32:53.440 And he's like,

01:32:53.820 Hey,

01:32:54.000 you're going to jail.

01:32:54.840 That's fine.

01:32:55.400 I'd rather go to jail than sit back there.

01:32:57.660 Yeah.

01:32:58.220 And wonder why somebody's holding me up.

01:33:00.180 I'm with you.

01:33:01.700 But then I realized the other day,

01:33:03.040 what if,

01:33:04.220 if like 20 cars just said,

01:33:05.800 you know what? 1.00

01:33:07.120 Fuck it. 1.00

01:33:07.640 We're not doing the rules anymore. 1.00

01:33:09.220 Yeah.

01:33:10.420 How,

01:33:10.840 how far after that tipping point does that,

01:33:13.100 you know, 0.99

01:33:13.600 like if one police precinct gets taken over by a group of fucking, 0.99

01:33:17.780 um, 0.99

01:33:19.060 anarchists or whatever.

01:33:20.180 Oh yeah,

01:33:20.440 it's happened.

01:33:21.080 How,

01:33:21.560 like,

01:33:22.620 how,

01:33:23.060 like it,

01:33:23.480 the scale doesn't have to tip much before everything goes into anarchy.

01:33:26.660 Oh dude.

01:33:27.680 I,

01:33:27.900 so true.

01:33:28.540 Uh,

01:33:28.680 we had a hurricane in New York a couple of years ago and all the power went out.

01:33:31.880 It took 20 minutes for it just to become martial law.

01:33:34.640 You heard gunshot glass breaking a woman.

01:33:37.300 You didn't know what was going on.

01:33:38.560 It was pitch black in the city with millions of people.

01:33:41.180 It happened in 20 minutes.

01:33:43.520 It went to full chaos.

01:33:45.260 Yeah.

01:33:46.000 Like it's so fragile.

01:33:47.320 The line that we're on of like Oregon,

01:33:49.780 like,

01:33:49.900 I know it's basically lines in the road.

01:33:52.820 Yes.

01:33:53.540 They keep us in shape,

01:33:54.740 but it's real easy to,

01:33:55.880 to drive over that line.

01:33:57.480 Yeah.

01:33:57.840 And that's what I realized.

01:33:58.480 I was like,

01:33:58.820 Oh,

01:33:58.960 I can just do this.

01:33:59.940 Like,

01:34:00.420 of course I can face some repercussions,

01:34:02.040 but if everybody right now decided to do this,

01:34:04.580 then what are the cops going to do?

01:34:05.740 Right.

01:34:06.000 If everybody,

01:34:06.900 if yeah, 0.99

01:34:07.720 all it takes is enough people saying fuck this right now at the same time. 1.00

01:34:12.620 Exactly. 1.00

01:34:13.440 Well,

01:34:13.600 that's how gays got marriage. 1.00

01:34:15.240 Yeah.

01:34:15.620 They just,

01:34:15.940 enough of them got together. 1.00

01:34:16.800 Like we're going to break shit or fuck each other or fuck you in the ass. 1.00

01:34:20.480 So you better let us get married. 1.00

01:34:21.760 That's a good point.

01:34:23.100 Once again,

01:34:23.800 yeah,

01:34:24.000 that's a, 0.97

01:34:24.600 and that was the move gay dudes should have done. 0.97

01:34:26.380 Like, 0.98

01:34:26.620 Hey governor,

01:34:27.280 we're coming.

01:34:28.080 You're going to, 1.00

01:34:29.020 somebody's fucking you, 1.00

01:34:30.240 buddy. 1.00

01:34:30.460 Like,

01:34:30.680 all right,

01:34:31.060 all right,

01:34:31.660 do whatever you want.

01:34:32.340 Yeah.

01:34:32.580 Do what you want.

01:34:34.180 Yeah.

01:34:34.620 Go to,

01:34:35.020 go to Claire's.

01:34:37.500 Make it happen,

01:34:38.540 man.

01:34:39.200 You can have Claire's.

01:34:40.420 You can have this neighborhood.

01:34:44.120 Man. 0.96

01:34:44.560 Gays will fix the neighborhood. 1.00

01:34:46.080 Yeah. 0.99

01:34:46.380 There's something special about gays, 0.88

01:34:47.920 huh? 0.88

01:34:48.100 They really are.

01:34:48.800 They're a magical people because they can't reproduce,

01:34:50.860 but they keep popping up.

01:34:52.000 Yeah.

01:34:52.780 Isn't that wild?

01:34:54.140 They're not even worried.

01:34:54.860 Like Jews are like, 1.00

01:34:55.700 we got to,

01:34:56.100 we got to make more of us.

01:34:57.300 You know,

01:34:57.520 we're going away, 0.99

01:34:58.160 but gays are like, 0.99

01:34:59.060 we're, 0.89

01:34:59.340 we're going to be all right.

01:35:00.300 Yeah.

01:35:00.480 Yeah.

01:35:00.980 Yes.

01:35:01.320 God's doing it for us.

01:35:02.540 Somebody is.

01:35:03.780 Yeah.

01:35:04.580 Well,

01:35:04.960 they had that,

01:35:05.640 you know,

01:35:06.500 Kennedy was on Rogan talking about that atrazine.

01:35:09.080 Can you look that up?

01:35:10.020 Where they put some frogs in this chemical called atrazine. 0.98

01:35:13.940 They put it in the water where the frogs live.

01:35:16.220 And some of the frogs are gender changed. 0.78

01:35:18.820 No way.

01:35:19.680 Over time.

01:35:20.340 And then he was saying that there's a level and don't quote me.

01:35:23.800 Uh,

01:35:24.020 maybe you can quote me on this if you can bring it up.

01:35:26.160 Um,

01:35:27.120 that there's a level of atrazine in,

01:35:28.600 in the water supply in some places. 1.00

01:35:31.320 Oh shit. 0.99

01:35:32.060 So that could be part of the reason why suddenly you have people whose gender kind of seems like in the, 0.99

01:35:38.280 uh,

01:35:38.560 in the wind.

01:35:39.540 Whoa.

01:35:40.940 Fascinating.

01:35:41.780 And scary.

01:35:43.260 What do we got here?

01:35:44.320 If you expose frogs to atrazine,

01:35:46.060 male frogs,

01:35:46.880 it changes their sex and they can actually bear young.

01:35:50.080 They can lay eggs,

01:35:51.400 fertile eggs.

01:35:53.180 Transphibian.

01:35:53.660 Um,

01:35:54.260 yeah,

01:35:54.500 that's transphibians,

01:35:55.500 dude.

01:35:55.980 Whoa.

01:35:56.960 And is,

01:35:57.360 yeah,

01:35:57.720 find another article on that.

01:35:59.220 See if we can see an article where we can,

01:36:01.080 it's the same thing that Alex Jones got yelled at for,

01:36:03.960 for making that frogs game meme.

01:36:05.560 It's the exact same thing.

01:36:07.180 Oh,

01:36:07.440 it is.

01:36:07.820 Yep.

01:36:07.980 But is there another article if you go down anymore?

01:36:10.520 Um,

01:36:12.440 Oh yeah.

01:36:12.920 The herbicide atrazine is one of the most commonly applied pesticides in the world.

01:36:18.000 So,

01:36:18.040 so it's in a lot of,

01:36:19.740 uh,

01:36:20.000 they're spraying it on crops.

01:36:21.680 As a result,

01:36:22.820 atrazine is the most commonly detected pesticide contaminant of ground surface and drinking water.

01:36:27.900 Atrazine is also a potent endocrine disruptor that is active at low ecologically relevant concentrations.

01:36:34.460 Previous studies showed that atrazine adversely affects amphibian larval development.

01:36:40.300 The present study demonstrates that reproductive,

01:36:42.600 the reproductive consequences of atrazine exposure and adult amphibians,

01:36:45.960 uh,

01:36:47.060 were both demasculinized and completely feminized as adults.

01:36:53.080 10% of the exposed genetic males developed into functional females that copulated with unexposed males and produced viable eggs. 0.99

01:37:01.340 Damn. 0.99

01:37:02.020 Wow. 1.00

01:37:02.500 Scary stuff.

01:37:03.540 I mean,

01:37:03.820 that's,

01:37:04.680 is this legitimate?

01:37:05.780 What side is this from?

01:37:07.000 This has been a thing for a long time,

01:37:08.520 actually.

01:37:09.200 Okay.

01:37:10.280 Atrazine induces complete feminization,

01:37:13.040 and chemical crustacean and male African clawed frogs.

01:37:16.420 Dude,

01:37:16.780 and if you can do that to an African, 0.95

01:37:17.980 you could easily do it to a white.

01:37:19.620 That's true.

01:37:20.480 Yeah.

01:37:21.360 African makes everything, 0.99

01:37:22.280 kicks it all up in a African be killer bees. 0.99

01:37:24.300 You're like, 1.00

01:37:24.500 oh shit. 1.00

01:37:24.960 Yeah. 1.00

01:37:25.220 I'm not fucking with them. 0.95

01:37:26.240 Yeah. 0.99

01:37:26.400 But some local honeybee,

01:37:27.620 dude,

01:37:27.880 we'll sodomize that thing. 1.00

01:37:29.820 Yeah. 0.93

01:37:30.200 Yeah.

01:37:31.920 But no,

01:37:32.660 African is,

01:37:33.420 you know,

01:37:33.700 it's tough.

01:37:34.400 I mean,

01:37:34.640 Africans are made out of tough, 1.00

01:37:36.240 they,

01:37:36.800 you know,

01:37:37.320 they have tougher heads.

01:37:38.260 They're tough. 1.00

01:37:38.900 They're a fucking tough. 1.00

01:37:40.440 Tough people. 1.00

01:37:40.880 They're human.

01:37:41.320 They're tough people.

01:37:42.500 Um,

01:37:43.560 and they have the hiss, 0.94

01:37:44.600 you know,

01:37:45.140 dude,

01:37:45.560 I remember looking into an African dude's eyes one time.

01:37:48.400 You could see,

01:37:49.060 bro,

01:37:49.760 I feel like you could see a fire like 30,000 years ago.

01:37:53.820 I believe it. 1.00

01:37:54.740 You don't want to fuck with them. 1.00

01:37:55.820 Like the timeline, 1.00

01:37:57.060 you know?

01:37:57.540 Yeah.

01:37:58.240 He was just digging a diamond mine.

01:38:00.220 Yeah.

01:38:00.380 Four years ago.

01:38:01.140 Oh yeah.

01:38:01.520 And now he's selling a purse in Broadway.

01:38:04.540 Whereas you looking at some,

01:38:05.940 you know,

01:38:06.260 you looking at some honky's eyes over there in Topeka, 1.00

01:38:09.080 you know,

01:38:09.660 it's somebody having a muffin two weeks ago.

01:38:12.920 Yeah,

01:38:13.580 exactly.

01:38:14.560 It's a chick holding a small dog in there.

01:38:16.540 That's it.

01:38:17.480 With a yoga mat.

01:38:19.460 Um,

01:38:20.360 what topic were we just about to get into?

01:38:22.620 Uh,

01:38:22.820 I know you got a show. 1.00

01:38:24.440 Oh shit. 1.00

01:38:25.140 I'm going to jump on stage with you. 1.00

01:38:26.240 Is that okay?

01:38:26.760 Please.

01:38:27.120 That'd be great.

01:38:27.980 I want to see this new old bit.

01:38:29.860 Yeah.

01:38:30.420 Dude.

01:38:30.980 And I don't want you to have to work too much tonight.

01:38:33.100 Oh yeah.

01:38:33.580 I'm on fumes,

01:38:34.500 but we're going to have fun.

01:38:36.280 Yeah.

01:38:36.480 I had to get,

01:38:37.060 I mean,

01:38:37.240 I didn't sleep last night.

01:38:38.080 I just went to the airport and,

01:38:39.680 um,

01:38:41.740 and yeah,

01:38:42.040 I got a new,

01:38:42.460 new,

01:38:43.040 uh,

01:38:43.760 like disguise when I,

01:38:44.940 that I wear when I go through the airport.

01:38:46.500 Oh really?

01:38:47.140 Yeah.

01:38:47.500 What do you,

01:38:48.020 well,

01:38:48.160 I guess you can't give it away.

01:38:49.340 Hmm.

01:38:50.500 Yeah,

01:38:50.760 I probably can,

01:38:51.320 but I'll,

01:38:52.000 I'll put a picture in.

01:38:53.120 Okay.

01:38:53.620 Cause I don't have the shades on me that I wear.

01:38:55.640 It's just a full Klan hood.

01:38:58.340 Just walking through an airport.

01:39:00.560 Credit cards,

01:39:01.460 sign up for your credit cards.

01:39:02.920 Um,

01:39:04.440 no,

01:39:04.660 there was something we were just,

01:39:05.600 oh,

01:39:06.440 do you think,

01:39:08.960 um,

01:39:10.080 I gotta worry that I'm,

01:39:11.080 I don't want to get Roseanne here.

01:39:13.120 Really?

01:39:13.700 Well,

01:39:13.980 you,

01:39:14.200 I just don't,

01:39:15.160 sometimes I worry though that your episodes are getting clipped like crazy.

01:39:18.380 Oh yeah.

01:39:19.300 They,

01:39:19.680 they got,

01:39:20.460 um,

01:39:21.340 yeah,

01:39:21.480 that was kind of crazy,

01:39:22.400 man.

01:39:22.880 But I had a lot of people reach out and support.

01:39:25.480 Yeah.

01:39:25.980 And then Elon Musk shared the episode.

01:39:28.180 That's insane.

01:39:29.460 Which if he can,

01:39:30.640 if they could find a way where you could say post a episode onto,

01:39:36.140 if,

01:39:37.020 if they could just find a way to make a player on there.

01:39:40.700 Hmm.

01:39:42.300 Oh,

01:39:42.700 like a little,

01:39:43.260 like a screen,

01:39:44.680 a TV thing.

01:39:45.500 Right,

01:39:45.740 right.

01:39:45.920 Cause now you can put a full episode,

01:39:47.360 but if they could make it where you,

01:39:48.740 if you click on that,

01:39:49.660 like,

01:39:50.280 you know,

01:39:50.560 Twitter has a little boxes,

01:39:51.620 you're whatever you want to watch.

01:39:52.980 So you're on your,

01:39:53.460 on your laptop,

01:39:53.980 you see like this little,

01:39:55.300 okay,

01:39:55.640 this is here.

01:39:56.220 Let me,

01:39:56.460 I can click on it,

01:39:57.340 make it bigger.

01:39:57.980 Yeah.

01:39:58.280 If you clicked on something that had a video in it,

01:40:00.540 right.

01:40:01.020 If it went,

01:40:01.960 if it expanded into a bigger player,

01:40:04.360 like an actual,

01:40:05.320 like,

01:40:05.780 okay,

01:40:06.100 you can navigate the screen easier just for the videos things.

01:40:10.280 That's like a streaming,

01:40:11.960 right?

01:40:12.180 If it's,

01:40:12.560 yeah.

01:40:12.740 If just when you clicked on that,

01:40:13.960 it expanded into a stream,

01:40:15.600 it knew immediately that square went into a,

01:40:18.820 like morphed into a streaming platform of sorts.

01:40:21.960 That's good.

01:40:22.720 And then it would be really fascinating because now you have an avid player,

01:40:27.660 right?

01:40:27.820 Yes.

01:40:28.100 That people can put stuff in and they can move on the timeline easier.

01:40:32.440 I think that's what they're trying to get to.

01:40:34.300 I think that's a great idea.

01:40:35.760 And the porn on Twitter is wild.

01:40:37.820 That's another thing.

01:40:38.720 Cause it's like,

01:40:39.200 yeah, 1.00

01:40:39.380 you're trying to learn and then you're jerking off. 1.00

01:40:41.280 Yeah. 1.00

01:40:41.720 You got an animal attack and then anal. 0.99

01:40:44.280 Yeah. 0.99

01:40:44.640 It's a lot.

01:40:45.340 Colin Quinn always says Twitter's like giving yourself schizophrenia.

01:40:49.460 Cause there's just a million opinions and ideas and hate and anger and a

01:40:53.320 sandwich coming at you at once. 1.00

01:40:55.240 It's a lot of shit. 1.00

01:40:56.780 Yeah. 1.00

01:40:57.460 Yeah,

01:40:57.800 it is.

01:40:58.100 It's all,

01:40:58.480 it's,

01:40:58.680 it's like,

01:40:59.220 and I think we're starting to realize that this stuff is really bad for our

01:41:02.180 brain.

01:41:02.580 Oh,

01:41:02.900 a hundred percent.

01:41:03.860 And it's defeating people.

01:41:04.900 It's like people don't have their own ideas anymore.

01:41:07.540 And I noticed I,

01:41:08.620 I have to give my brain to,

01:41:09.920 I have to say,

01:41:11.260 I cannot look through stuff.

01:41:12.720 You got to do it.

01:41:13.920 Because that's the,

01:41:14.840 the war these days.

01:41:15.700 You want to Vietnam these days. 1.00

01:41:17.440 The enemy is your,

01:41:19.100 whatever's trying to take your attention.

01:41:20.860 I know.

01:41:21.280 And they're so good at it.

01:41:22.420 They got that algo.

01:41:23.200 Tik TOK. 1.00

01:41:23.760 I got twerking Chinese women and shit. 1.00

01:41:26.960 And you're like, 1.00

01:41:27.760 how can I turn this off?

01:41:28.840 Yeah.

01:41:29.080 It's like down syndrome guy who loves pro wrestling.

01:41:31.700 You're like,

01:41:31.900 Oh, 0.58

01:41:32.880 black people seeing magic.

01:41:34.300 Yeah. 0.93

01:41:34.780 You can't beat it.

01:41:36.420 Yeah.

01:41:36.860 And I just want,

01:41:37.460 and right when you almost get a little bit bored,

01:41:39.360 they flip it to a new thing.

01:41:40.500 Like,

01:41:40.640 what's this?

01:41:42.180 So did you know,

01:41:43.820 historically,

01:41:44.480 yeah,

01:41:45.620 I get a lot of this historical video,

01:41:47.140 uh,

01:41:47.940 things too,

01:41:48.480 that come through.

01:41:49.900 Um,

01:41:50.340 and then the murder,

01:41:51.340 the crime report,

01:41:52.380 Brian Koberger,

01:41:54.000 they just found a glove.

01:41:55.660 Dude.

01:41:56.220 Um,

01:41:57.340 I was thinking about this,

01:41:58.460 man,

01:41:58.880 about like,

01:42:00.420 with a lot of people that come out to see comedians.

01:42:03.380 And,

01:42:04.580 um,

01:42:05.400 I noticed I have a tough time.

01:42:06.820 Like,

01:42:07.240 do you ever have a,

01:42:07.780 do you have a tough time feeling proud of yourself?

01:42:09.520 Do you think?

01:42:09.800 Of course.

01:42:10.360 Yeah.

01:42:10.640 It's hard to absorb that.

01:42:12.780 I'm working on it.

01:42:14.000 You gotta,

01:42:14.500 you gotta sit and just tell yourself to be grateful.

01:42:17.940 Well,

01:42:18.300 being grateful,

01:42:18.860 I think,

01:42:19.260 but yeah,

01:42:19.780 like I can feel grateful,

01:42:20.800 I think,

01:42:21.400 but I think feeling proud of myself,

01:42:23.280 I'm noticing,

01:42:24.680 because I notice a lot of times people are like,

01:42:26.000 man,

01:42:26.120 you should be proud of yourself,

01:42:27.120 you know?

01:42:27.760 And it doesn't even land anywhere with me.

01:42:29.800 I know.

01:42:30.000 Like,

01:42:30.100 I hear them,

01:42:30.960 and I believe them,

01:42:31.820 and I know that.

01:42:33.120 And it's not like I don't want to,

01:42:35.080 but it's almost like,

01:42:35.720 no,

01:42:36.000 it's like you never learn that,

01:42:38.260 like there was never any knowledge put into you of like,

01:42:40.580 this is how you feel proud of yourself,

01:42:42.320 this is what pride feels,

01:42:43.720 you know,

01:42:44.020 like.

01:42:44.400 Yeah,

01:42:44.740 I have the same thing.

01:42:45.680 Why do we have that?

01:42:46.820 I don't know.

01:42:47.380 Because one negative comment,

01:42:48.820 I'll,

01:42:49.200 I'll sit on that for three weeks.

01:42:51.020 Yeah.

01:42:51.820 But the pride thing,

01:42:53.420 nothing.

01:42:54.920 You know,

01:42:55.320 why is it so hard?

01:42:56.960 Why is it so hard to feel?

01:42:58.260 Because proud of yourself,

01:42:59.500 you're saying,

01:43:00.020 somebody's saying,

01:43:00.820 hey,

01:43:01.200 you should feel good about yourself for this thing.

01:43:04.880 To me,

01:43:05.420 a lot of times,

01:43:05.920 if I start to feel proud of myself,

01:43:07.140 it goes to ego.

01:43:08.460 It's like,

01:43:08.760 you should.

01:43:09.560 Which you don't want that either.

01:43:11.120 Right,

01:43:11.340 right.

01:43:11.600 And you really don't,

01:43:12.540 you really want to try and stay away from that.

01:43:14.460 So,

01:43:15.600 yeah,

01:43:15.860 I don't know.

01:43:16.200 It's interesting.

01:43:16.660 I wonder,

01:43:17.840 too,

01:43:18.040 if it's something that,

01:43:19.980 and I'm not trying to have self-pity or blame parents or anything,

01:43:22.380 but is it something that you have to learn,

01:43:23.880 as a kid?

01:43:25.200 Because that's a weird thing you wouldn't think to teach your kid.

01:43:28.320 Yeah,

01:43:28.680 but how do you teach being proud?

01:43:31.560 You know,

01:43:31.940 like,

01:43:32.220 I don't get pride with comedy,

01:43:34.840 even though we should.

01:43:35.540 Look,

01:43:35.680 you've built an empire.

01:43:36.660 You've got your big house with the studio,

01:43:38.380 and the specials,

01:43:39.840 and money,

01:43:40.280 and all this.

01:43:41.520 But then,

01:43:42.140 that does nothing for me.

01:43:43.840 And then,

01:43:44.140 if I'm at a party,

01:43:45.100 and somebody goes,

01:43:45.680 that's a good question.

01:43:46.600 I'm like,

01:43:46.920 oh,

01:43:47.680 oh,

01:43:47.940 I had a good question.

01:43:48.900 Oh,

01:43:49.100 totally.

01:43:49.460 I love that.

01:43:50.660 But the comedy thing is hard to take in.

01:43:55.240 Yeah,

01:43:55.660 man.

01:43:56.380 And it's funny,

01:43:56.980 you know,

01:43:57.100 dude,

01:43:57.340 it's like,

01:43:57.980 and I have a,

01:43:58.700 yeah,

01:43:58.940 I have a nice home here,

01:43:59.940 and it's nothing crazy.

01:44:01.340 This is beautiful,

01:44:02.200 you know?

01:44:02.480 Thank you.

01:44:02.940 Yeah,

01:44:03.120 it is,

01:44:03.380 but it is nice,

01:44:05.060 right?

01:44:05.840 I'm happy to have,

01:44:07.560 it's funny,

01:44:08.400 I felt as a shame to show my home

01:44:11.820 as I did to show my apartment

01:44:14.920 that we lived in when I was a kid.

01:44:16.780 Just the different kind of shame?

01:44:18.740 Like,

01:44:19.060 it's big?

01:44:20.400 Well,

01:44:20.700 like,

01:44:20.900 I don't want people thinking,

01:44:23.000 I don't want people seeing that I don't have anything,

01:44:25.300 and then I don't want people seeing that I do have something.

01:44:27.960 Yeah,

01:44:28.160 I totally get it.

01:44:29.680 I know what you mean.

01:44:31.080 Because you'll get zinged either way.

01:44:33.080 Yeah,

01:44:33.420 I can't figure out what it is,

01:44:34.560 it's just like,

01:44:35.160 no matter,

01:44:36.220 you don't want to stand out,

01:44:37.620 you want to be in the middle,

01:44:38.800 we want to blend.

01:44:40.460 If you're poor,

01:44:41.100 but it's like, 1.00

01:44:41.380 look at the poor loser, 0.98

01:44:42.400 and if you're rich, 0.99

01:44:42.900 you're like, 1.00

01:44:43.060 look at this asshole. 1.00

01:44:44.020 Yeah. 1.00

01:44:44.820 And I think I always,

01:44:46.160 I think I,

01:44:46.920 rich people when I was growing up

01:44:48.420 was always the nemesis,

01:44:49.720 dude.

01:44:50.020 Of course,

01:44:50.760 still is,

01:44:51.360 when they found those submarine queefs, 0.83

01:44:52.980 they were like,

01:44:53.540 all these poor guys,

01:44:54.920 and then they go,

01:44:55.280 hey,

01:44:55.480 they're billionaires,

01:44:56.180 and they go,

01:44:56.420 ah, 1.00

01:44:56.620 fuck them. 1.00

01:44:57.280 Like, 1.00

01:44:57.500 wait,

01:44:57.680 what?

01:44:57.880 You still have people with feelings.

01:45:00.460 I never got that rich hate,

01:45:03.080 but it's 100% right,

01:45:05.420 in the movies,

01:45:05.880 it was always the,

01:45:06.940 yeah, 1.00

01:45:07.380 the fucking rich guy. 1.00

01:45:08.720 And I think, 1.00

01:45:09.140 yeah,

01:45:09.420 and I don't think,

01:45:10.220 part of you never changes, 1.00

01:45:11.140 I'll always hate the fucking rich guy. 1.00

01:45:12.880 Yeah, 1.00

01:45:13.300 yeah.

01:45:13.680 You know?

01:45:14.400 Because I think also,

01:45:15.360 I know I could easily,

01:45:16.820 the part of me that's the poor guy

01:45:18.300 is always going to be there.

01:45:20.080 Of course.

01:45:20.400 The only things that are easier

01:45:21.740 is just knowing that my rent will be paid,

01:45:23.580 and that I'm going to have food.

01:45:25.320 That's nice.

01:45:25.480 But outside of that,

01:45:26.480 it's like,

01:45:26.820 how do I,

01:45:28.640 I want to figure out better things to do

01:45:30.980 with earning money,

01:45:32.380 or with making things fair in the world,

01:45:34.380 I think.

01:45:34.800 I don't know.

01:45:35.120 Yeah.

01:45:35.400 But do you ever think,

01:45:36.240 if you had,

01:45:37.280 if you started feeling proud,

01:45:38.480 you might work less?

01:45:40.260 Like,

01:45:40.760 that non-pride is kind of motivating you

01:45:42.980 to chase it.

01:45:44.620 Yeah.

01:45:45.700 Oh,

01:45:46.120 yeah,

01:45:46.220 there's something about,

01:45:47.280 like,

01:45:47.520 the desire to want to do things,

01:45:49.560 that you're so fortunate

01:45:51.000 that that's in you.

01:45:52.180 Yeah,

01:45:52.700 yeah.

01:45:53.560 It's,

01:45:54.020 it's kind of a double-edged sword,

01:45:55.340 because you're never happy

01:45:56.500 with your work,

01:45:57.600 so you keep working.

01:45:59.180 Right.

01:45:59.640 But if you were happy with it,

01:46:00.680 you might just take a break.

01:46:02.460 Yeah.

01:46:02.840 Or slow down.

01:46:04.320 Yeah,

01:46:04.720 it's just interesting to think about,

01:46:05.660 and I'm sure a lot of people

01:46:06.460 deal with that,

01:46:07.240 and so that's why I wanted

01:46:08.020 to think about that,

01:46:09.280 about how hard it is

01:46:11.360 to accept pride.

01:46:13.240 So it makes you wonder,

01:46:14.080 is it good,

01:46:14.580 or is it a good thing

01:46:15.200 or a bad thing? 1.00

01:46:16.000 Because it sucks 0.99

01:46:16.700 you can't accept it, 0.99

01:46:17.840 but it's also keeping you 1.00

01:46:19.040 a fire in your dick. 1.00

01:46:20.680 Yeah. 1.00

01:46:21.000 You know?

01:46:21.460 And you need that.

01:46:22.300 You need people

01:46:22.880 that have a fire.

01:46:23.560 Like,

01:46:23.860 what if guys like,

01:46:25.280 you know,

01:46:26.140 some of the greatest creators

01:46:27.300 of our time,

01:46:28.120 you know,

01:46:28.680 if Einstein,

01:46:30.140 if Mattel.

01:46:33.660 Oh,

01:46:34.060 yeah.

01:46:34.600 If Tyson,

01:46:36.380 you know.

01:46:38.500 Chicken or the boxer?

01:46:39.820 Chicken.

01:46:40.580 Okay.

01:46:40.940 But if people just got,

01:46:43.620 like,

01:46:43.960 after his first nugget,

01:46:45.320 he's like,

01:46:45.640 I'm done.

01:46:46.640 Right.

01:46:47.140 And he never makes the meals.

01:46:48.740 Yeah,

01:46:49.260 you see?

01:46:50.460 It pays to be insecure.

01:46:52.060 Yeah.

01:46:52.300 Keeps you going.

01:46:53.120 Yeah.

01:46:54.200 There's some value

01:46:55.020 in all of it.

01:46:56.300 Soup to Nuts,

01:46:57.220 that's your new special.

01:46:58.340 Oh,

01:46:58.620 yeah.

01:46:59.620 And do you plan a tour

01:47:00.740 right after?

01:47:01.360 How many people

01:47:01.720 get these plans?

01:47:02.700 Does it matter to you?

01:47:03.620 What are you thinking about?

01:47:04.360 I got a big theater tour

01:47:05.760 selling,

01:47:07.220 like,

01:47:07.600 hot cakes,

01:47:08.220 but hopefully after the special

01:47:09.640 it sells more,

01:47:10.780 we start adding shows,

01:47:11.800 but again, 0.99

01:47:12.240 I need some new fucking material. 0.99

01:47:14.040 You'll come, 0.99

01:47:14.480 if any of you come up with 0.99

01:47:15.440 then fucking by tomorrow. 0.99

01:47:16.740 Oh, 0.98

01:47:17.120 thanks.

01:47:18.260 You're so funny,

01:47:19.160 man.

01:47:19.960 Well,

01:47:20.380 I'll try anything. 1.00

01:47:21.980 I'm throwing shit against the wall. 0.99

01:47:23.100 You'll see it tonight. 1.00

01:47:23.720 It's going to be a shit show. 1.00

01:47:24.800 Yeah, 1.00

01:47:25.100 good.

01:47:26.080 Good,

01:47:26.380 man.

01:47:26.500 I'm happy to be over there.

01:47:27.240 Thanks for letting me jump on.

01:47:28.320 Hey,

01:47:28.560 anytime.

01:47:30.260 Mark Norman,

01:47:31.060 we can,

01:47:31.900 people can check out your tour

01:47:33.140 online,

01:47:33.960 on your website,

01:47:34.660 everything.

01:47:35.380 Oh,

01:47:35.620 yeah,

01:47:35.840 marknormancomedy.com.

01:47:37.500 Yep,

01:47:37.760 and,

01:47:38.240 dude,

01:47:38.660 thanks for making time,

01:47:39.620 dude,

01:47:39.900 and congrats on all your success,

01:47:41.640 bro.

01:47:41.980 Thank you,

01:47:42.500 and always a pleasure to see you there,

01:47:43.940 fatty.

01:47:44.360 Yeah,

01:47:44.520 I'm proud of you,

01:47:45.120 man.

01:47:45.400 I'm proud of you.

01:47:46.580 A couple Louisiana boys made good. 0.97

01:47:48.560 What the hell? 0.75

01:47:50.060 I mean, 0.94

01:47:50.340 if you would have showed us

01:47:51.040 at an open mic,

01:47:51.860 I would have gone,

01:47:52.340 these guys are going nowhere.

01:47:54.200 And then here we are,

01:47:55.100 sitting on some racist furniture.

01:47:56.880 Yeah,

01:47:57.200 we are,

01:47:57.700 dude,

01:47:57.900 yeah.

01:47:58.440 Oh, 1.00

01:47:58.620 this thing is fucking, 1.00

01:47:59.400 I feel, 1.00

01:47:59.920 I'm warming up,

01:48:00.840 dude.

01:48:00.980 Yeah,

01:48:01.480 I better slur 0.99

01:48:02.980 to fucking set the coolant in. 0.99

01:48:05.900 Oh, 1.00

01:48:06.160 yeah.

01:48:06.440 All right,

01:48:07.800 Mark,

01:48:08.040 thank you,

01:48:08.380 brother.

01:48:08.800 Thank you.

01:48:09.640 Praise Allah.

01:48:10.500 Coming in.

01:48:11.220 Coming in.

01:48:12.540 Now I'm just floating on the breeze,

01:48:15.560 and I feel I'm falling like these leaves.

01:48:18.540 I must be cornerstone.

01:48:23.820 Oh,

01:48:24.540 but when I reach that ground,

01:48:26.460 I'll share this peace of mind I found.

01:48:29.160 I can feel it in my bones.

01:48:32.660 But it's gonna take...

This Past Weekend with Theo Von - July 21, 2023

E454 Mark Normand

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