This Past Weekend with Theo Von - E466 Anthony Jeselnik

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00:00:55.440 visible.com for planned features and network management details today's guest is a writer

00:01:01.040 he's a stand-up comedian uh he has countless specials um on netflix he has his own podcast

00:01:08.000 called the jeselnik rosenthal vanity project that comes out every week his latest special is fire in

00:01:17.120 the maternity ward um he's he's a one of one you hear that term a lot but there's i've never met

00:01:24.800 nobody like this man and uh i've always looked up to him and admired him uh i'm really thankful to

00:01:31.120 have him here today on the podcast this is one of our first times uh sitting down and talking so today's

00:01:37.280 guest is mr anthony jeselnik

00:01:51.280 i see this joke i was like you heard what happened to the fonds he got aids and had that

00:02:16.080 to people liked it and i'd be like no he didn't no he didn't guys after i had this joke that i

00:02:21.520 loved that was um my family was exactly like the brady bunch we might not have been perfect but my

00:02:27.040 father did die from aids and it would kill in the beginning the first 10 years of my career it would

00:02:32.640 kill so hard people would be like i love that joke so much and then all of a sudden it just stopped

00:02:36.720 working and i was like oh my audience has gotten younger and they don't know about the brady bunch

00:02:42.560 they don't know the guy the actor so i was like oh i gotta stop doing it yeah because i think my

00:02:47.600 fear would have been that something oh people don't love aids or they're not or they're they've

00:02:52.000 everybody's gotten on the side of like against aids you know theo people love aids it's like it's

00:02:58.720 what other disease gets its own quilt yeah oh that's a great point uh yeah you don't see like a asthma

00:03:06.480 afghan yeah nothing else has that hype anthony jeselnik man nice to see you dude good to see you

00:03:12.400 man it's been a while yeah it has been a while yeah i mean i would see you like at the store

00:03:17.200 every now and again like we were doing the store but now everyone's on the road

00:03:20.800 doing stuff as your friends get successful and get busy you just never see them again

00:03:24.560 yeah is that i mean that's probably happened because you've had a lot of success for a long

00:03:28.400 time sure so did that happen like kind of i guess you just noticed that like yeah it was was it more

00:03:34.240 fun before was it did it start to get more like lonesome like what do you think it gets lonely for

00:03:39.360 sure because you come up with a certain group you know and you think everyone's going to make it

00:03:42.400 there's like 10 guys that you're with and you're like we're all going to be stars one day and then

00:03:45.920 like half of them quit you know the other half are just like become writers or something and then

00:03:50.160 you're like oh now i'm on the road i don't see anybody anymore and you get a different group of

00:03:55.120 friends and they start doing movies and so it's like well i love this guy but we never see each other

00:04:00.080 because i'm on the road and he's doing movies so you just lose all your friends always yeah and it's hard to

00:04:05.680 have when you're touring it's hard to even keep up friendships it's like sometimes i get so

00:04:09.360 exhausted like i hate to say exhausted but yeah i get exhausted with like whatever's going on or

00:04:15.120 responsibilities and then if even if a friend texts me sometimes i'm like i don't have i'm just not

00:04:20.240 dropped into a space where i want to engage in a conversation yeah or you're like you're on the

00:04:24.080 other side of the country i'm not going to write back right now well like you ever like you get in a

00:04:27.680 relationship and you're you're dating someone for like a year and you don't see your friends as much

00:04:31.840 and then you break up and you have to like remind your friends that you're still a person you know

00:04:36.240 like oh i know we haven't been hanging out but you got to start calling me again oh yeah you know like

00:04:40.240 you're on the road for a year you'll hear from your friends for three years because you'll see

00:04:44.240 someone and they're like what are you doing you're like i'm i've been done i've been around like why

00:04:47.760 haven't we why haven't you called me you know you just you don't see people and they're just out of

00:04:51.200 mind yeah i think it the road makes me feel like a bad friend a lot i think because i'll come back

00:04:56.480 into society like re-enter society or something like a like a convict or something you know you

00:05:02.000 kind of go through like a re-entry where you see what you have in your closet you're like holy 0.58

00:05:06.320 shit this stuff's been out of style for oh yeah and all your stories are about like a driver you 0.83

00:05:10.640 had that you didn't like and i said we don't this is not a real life we don't know we don't know what 0.98

00:05:14.400 you're talking about you had a bad flight okay i'd love to fly somewhere yeah yeah i'd love to go

00:05:18.240 anywhere yeah um yeah it's interesting man it's interesting as they get as your career goes on

00:05:25.440 like what it's like i think what i thought it would be like maybe i don't know i think sometimes i think

00:05:30.480 i stayed in comedy because it i think i wanted something that you didn't have any commitments

00:05:36.800 like in the world like i always got to leave whatever relationship whatever moment a girl was like

00:05:42.880 like what's going on you know like i have to be in you know indiana so we'll find out when i get back

00:05:51.440 and then eventually come back enough and and there that wasn't even there anymore yeah i think a

00:05:56.960 lifestyle is a big draw to comedy almost too big a draw you know you see the people who get into it

00:06:01.840 for the lifestyle and then you watch them just destroy themselves immediately the lifestyle is

00:06:06.640 attractive you know people like the lifestyle more than the work nobody gets to be nobody becomes a

00:06:10.880 comic because they want to sit and write jokes all day they become a comic because they want the

00:06:14.080 applause you know they want they want to walk off stage and be like where's the party yeah

00:06:18.800 that's true right because yeah people don't realize it's just a bar it's like it really just

00:06:22.080 a bar it's a bar business with like a dancing guy yeah if you're like i need to get a job but i

00:06:28.480 like to drink too much yeah become a comedian like and you're you're set yeah two birds man

00:06:35.280 did it um did you ever almost get married was there ever a point where you almost got

00:06:39.120 where like that almost happened for you um not like i i about the same as like me thinking about

00:06:45.920 going to law school you know when you're like at a certain age and your friends are like doing real

00:06:49.760 things and you're like oh like maybe i guess this is where i just go and go to law school and become

00:06:53.760 a lawyer yeah you know it's like oh my friends are all getting married i've been in a relationship a

00:06:57.840 long time maybe i will and then i'm like oh wait no people just do it just because they think it's what

00:07:03.600 they're supposed to do you think so i think a lot of people do yeah you're just like oh i get married

00:07:08.080 that's what i do and then you're like 10 years in you're like wait why am i doing this and now at

00:07:12.640 this point in my life getting married just seems like a terrible financial decision yeah it's just

00:07:17.360 like why i don't i don't know if uh this makes sense so do you think a lot of people they just feel like

00:07:23.520 that's what they have to do it's like i have to get married now there's it's just what i'm supposed

00:07:27.120 to do it's like my responsibility do you think it's to like family do you think it's just like to

00:07:31.280 society i'm just wondering because i've never had like that mindset whatever that mindset is it's just

00:07:35.760 never been kind of whatever's in my head i think it's both i think it's family and society you know

00:07:41.200 i've got several married siblings and they're always like when are you getting married people

00:07:44.720 when they get married they want everyone else to join their crew you have a kid you want everyone

00:07:48.800 else to have a kid too so you can talk about having a kid it's like i'm not going to have a kid just

00:07:53.040 because you did and maybe if i lived in like a suburb somewhere and that was my life and it was like

00:07:57.280 this i'm this is my house i'm staying in this house then it's like all right kids are this is what i'm

00:08:01.920 going to spend my life doing right there should be a kid in here there's a yeah there's a place

00:08:05.360 for a kid to be over here we could definitely put a kid in this area yeah and i definitely don't want

00:08:10.960 kids really i even went through a phase where i was like if it happened i've got money now i could

00:08:15.040 i could handle this but i had no real interest in doing it do you think you'd even have bad luck

00:08:21.120 having kids because so many kids die in your oh yeah material it is a thing that i think about

00:08:27.600 like i've done talked a lot about sharks and so i would never go surfing yeah because if i get

00:08:31.520 eaten by a shark everyone's gonna be like see i know this is karma he like he was this was his

00:08:36.000 fate his whole life that having a kid seems terrifying i think every parent goes through

00:08:40.320 this once you find out you're pregnant of like you know so many things can go wrong yeah you hear

00:08:44.560 about the bad you hear about the good you know you're counting the toes and the fingers uh autism

00:08:49.040 like all kinds of different stuff that you're just like hoping that just it seems like nice not

00:08:53.760 to deal with that stress yeah i don't miss it and sometimes you don't know if your kid's autistic for

00:08:58.720 like a couple years and stuff i think so it's like ah dude we both know people who are like

00:09:05.040 for sure autistic and they just undocumented yeah yeah undocumented autistic get them out of the country 0.99

00:09:11.120 well i think a lot of i've had a lot of theories that a lot of the future will be uh people like

00:09:17.600 like if you look at guys like jeff bezos right and elon musk and um i'm trying to think of some

00:09:26.640 other people that seem to me if i'm listening to them they seem like they have some sort of autism

00:09:34.320 right like but but they're also the people that are able to quantify things to like another level like

00:09:40.960 to where they can advance society like i think it's it's gonna it's getting to a point where

00:09:47.280 those are the people that are gonna have the skill sets to move us to the next space and i think you're

00:09:52.800 always gonna need some of those guys who are like working on the numbers and shit you know you need 0.87

00:09:57.120 some people you need some people who can talk you don't need some people who are like just sitting 0.94

00:10:00.960 in the back there crunching numbers but have you ever tested yourself for autism no i know that they had

00:10:07.280 they thought i was down syndrome when i was a child for a while i had that because i was big for my

00:10:11.680 age oh really i was like that's a giveaway people i look like i was four when i was like one and a

00:10:16.240 half oh and yeah i heard a lot i heard a lot of stories about me in the supermarket especially in

00:10:21.360 pittsburgh especially in pittsburgh oh yeah because all the babies there are really small you know

00:10:26.960 compared to me i was a huge huge baby really yeah that was the biggest baby that had ever been born

00:10:32.320 in pittsburgh at the time oh my god and what did they did they do and what did they put a

00:10:40.080 i don't even know did they give you like a statue what did they even it was a sash they put on me

00:10:44.640 and then they put me in like a stroller it was like a bigger stroller and they paraded me down

00:10:48.240 the street and people would just like kind of wave people wearing jerome bettis jerseys out there

00:10:52.400 this is pre this is pre-bus oh really so like jerry olshansky franco i think you probably

00:10:57.120 a lot of franco jerseys out there yeah yeah yeah franco harris himself tried to pick me up but i

00:11:02.640 was too big thank thank that dude i love pittsburgh you do oh bro my friend used to work at jack's

00:11:10.080 bar my friend oh yeah i know jack's yeah was a pitts he was a mascot he got busted hooking up with a

00:11:16.080 i think a underage woman in like an abandoned swimming pool or something but he um yeah dude i got

00:11:22.480 pink eye over there one time and i got and you loved it the first yeah i got yeah i got a oral 0.99

00:11:29.520 sex one time behind the giant eagle over there somewhere i got invited into a familial sexual 0.99

00:11:36.960 kind of threesome with some people from wheeling west virginia that we're visiting wheeling of freaks 1.00

00:11:42.880 oh yeah they kept saying you want that wheeling feeling that's what they said and i was in like

00:11:48.080 a mazda i was like i don't think we can do that in here wait they were in your car yeah yeah i was

00:11:54.240 giving them a ride home after a show the girl was cute and her aunt was with her and they um

00:12:00.800 when i stopped to drop them off they asked they just asked point blank if i wanted to have that

00:12:04.560 wheeling feeling and i was like i don't know i didn't know what it was i didn't know if it was crime

00:12:09.920 or if it was you know like a rash or you know i didn't know what the hell it was or tickling somebody

00:12:15.680 real hard you know i didn't know what their modus operandi was or whatever and so i just didn't do

00:12:21.920 it you know how many opportunities sexual opportunities do you think you've turned down

00:12:25.600 because you just didn't understand the euphemism oh one time in baltimore i got offered a threesome 0.94

00:12:32.480 pretty sure it was threesome or it was like a pyramid scheme which is

00:12:38.400 i don't know if those are similar or not but it was extremely similar yeah practically the same thing

00:12:42.880 yeah yeah so yeah it was outside it was kind of dark it was at mgooby's remember that place yeah

00:12:49.760 yeah so it was over there and um and yeah i guess i got offered that oh one time i got into a sexual

00:12:57.680 endeavor with two women and this was in columbia missouri and they um the one of them was like it

00:13:08.400 looked like one of those bodybuilders from like like remember when they were where the one the 0.98

00:13:12.720 singlet and they would have the thing and they would hold it up and it would say like 100 pounds

00:13:16.720 written on it or yeah you know 140 like at the circus or whatever one of them was like kind of

00:13:22.800 i felt attracted to and the other one had this kind of like polish kind of like uh like um bodybuilder

00:13:30.720 vibe sure and i got coerced into that and that was that was intense man see i don't trust three ways

00:13:38.720 i've never had one i've been propositioned and been like i don't believe you yeah like there's a catch

00:13:43.760 yeah there's this is too there's something's gonna happen here yeah like a random hookup on the road

00:13:48.560 you're like i'm gonna hear from you again there's no free lunch right there's no lunch you're getting

00:13:53.280 a follow-up email for sure um and the next time you're in town they're gonna be in the front row being

00:13:58.480 like right and so oh yeah way is just like two of those coming at you yeah did it when you first started

00:14:05.760 out what made you stay in comedy you think were there times were you ever going to give up or

00:14:10.160 you've had success really since you kind of kicked it off it seems like it took a couple years uh i

00:14:14.640 found that in the beginning i'm sure you understand this that in the first couple years it's embarrassing

00:14:20.880 to tell someone you're a comedian oh it's the worst it's almost like yeah you could be like

00:14:24.800 a lot of people in my where i'm from they felt like you were gay you didn't want to bring a wife

00:14:28.400 home you didn't want to admit something what are you doing you know not there's anything wrong

00:14:33.120 about being gay but there were just you know that those were some of the things like oh just tell

00:14:36.240 us what's going on yeah you know if you have cancer or whatever just tell us people don't understand

00:14:40.320 your parents don't understand your family's like what you're doing what like why don't you try to

00:14:43.520 be more like this why don't you do last comic standing i would hear all the time and it's like

00:14:47.040 that's a bad show i don't want to do that and uh and then i thought the only thing more embarrassing

00:14:51.760 than saying i'm a comedian for the first few years would be saying i used to do comedy like saying that

00:14:57.200 oh yeah like you ever after a show someone's like you know i tried i thought about doing that you're just

00:15:01.040 like get the fuck out of here yeah but like i thought that was so embarrassing that i'm like 0.93

00:15:04.160 i'm just going to will myself to some level of success yeah and i thought at the time i thought 0.78

00:15:08.720 that meant i would get a writing job and i would quit stand up and i would just be a joke writer for

00:15:12.640 the rest of my life and by the time i finally got that joke writing job i was like i was doing well

00:15:17.120 enough at stand up that i was like i just want to do this i don't want to write for someone else i'm

00:15:21.120 the only one who's going to tell my jokes why don't i just keep doing this and it worked out

00:15:25.040 did you not want anybody else telling your jokes to oh that you just said it nobody would like if i wrote i

00:15:30.080 wrote for sarah silverman jimmy kimmel and they were like if i loved the joke they loved it too

00:15:34.160 and they would tell it and i was so proud to have them tell my joke no problem with that

00:15:37.520 but then i would write for jimmy fallon and he would say this is really funny but people are

00:15:41.520 going to hate me and i'm like you're right but i don't care that's fine you can hate me and still 0.83

00:15:46.480 laugh you can't hate jimmy and still laugh so it just didn't work out but i was like oh i'm

00:15:50.800 i need to just write my own stuff and do it myself like i've got my own way of telling the jokes

00:15:55.360 yeah that is oh yeah it's a it's a horrible dance you take us on i mean it's it's marvelous

00:16:02.800 yes i knew i knew what you meant okay good yeah it's exceptionally it's like

00:16:07.760 yeah i feel like you i here's i always feel like it's that same feeling i get

00:16:12.320 watching you and watching some of your material when i'm in a haunted house and i know i'm gonna

00:16:18.640 be scared right i'm walking through something i know there's something right around the corner that's

00:16:24.080 that's that's you know and i just keep going down the road and then next thing you know

00:16:32.080 um again you got me again thank you uh yeah i i consider myself when i describe it as a horror

00:16:38.560 film like you know you're in good hands yeah you know you're not watching a snuff film this is like

00:16:42.720 a real movie with real actors and at the end you'll be satisfied and there's gonna be some scares like

00:16:47.200 just enjoy it it's it's all fun i'm not i don't have a message just you know nihilism do you ever did

00:16:53.200 you ever feel like you were haunted like a lot of people you know think that people are haunted and

00:16:56.960 stuff like that did you ever have any like at a certain point you have to look at yourself and be

00:17:01.680 like oh well i am there's something you need you know there's something very simon birch about me

00:17:07.600 or something you know uh yeah no i um people ask me that all the time like because i have a dark

00:17:12.880 sensibility that i use something happened to you and it's like no i've had a very charmed life like

00:17:17.120 i've had a great life my parents are still together you know there's no abuse i was always drawn to

00:17:23.120 violence and and awful things in life it's just people just didn't talk about them and i was like

00:17:28.240 why not they're so important like why is this so forbidden why does no one want to talk about death

00:17:33.440 yeah you know when as a kid i was shamed for that a lot of like always being like what about

00:17:37.520 this and they'd be like stop talking about that like we don't want to talk about the challenger

00:17:40.720 anymore anthony like it blew up like you're in first grade just can move on to other things and i

00:17:44.880 i didn't understand what was unhealthy about it i thought if the greatest minds in history have been

00:17:49.680 sitting there wondering what happens when we die why is it weird for a kid to think about it yeah

00:17:54.320 so that them pushing back on me made me mad and that anger carried me through my first 10 years

00:17:59.360 of comedy wow and then you get success and you let go of the anger you're like okay what do i have

00:18:03.760 left and it's interest you know it's these topics interest me and i want to find a way to make

00:18:09.040 people laugh at them wow that's interesting man do you think like that we do it but like do you think

00:18:14.480 a lot of people do it there's a chip on their shoulder yes like they want to prove that they

00:18:21.600 yeah what are i what i'm trying to think what did i want to prove prove you're not a 0.98

00:18:25.200 fucking loser i feel like when you're in school it's like you're ruining you're not only are you messing 0.99

00:18:29.280 up your own education but everyone around you everyone sitting within four desks is getting 1.00

00:18:34.160 a horse grade because they're near you oh yeah everyone's furious and you're like i've got to

00:18:38.320 prove like my my high school put me in the uh the hall of fame in alumni hall of fame a few years ago

00:18:44.480 and i was so proud wow because i gave a speech and i was like this is you guys saying you were right 0.80

00:18:50.480 you know like for for 12 years of high school they were just like fucking stop this you're throwing 0.95

00:18:55.280 your life away and i was like watch me like i'm trust me i've got a plan and it all worked 0.95

00:19:00.240 out and now they're like great we're proud that you're from the school and that took a long time

00:19:04.000 how many though first of all that's unbelievable did you go back to the school and they

00:19:07.920 like gave you a accommodation of sort yeah they gave they had it was like this this like little

00:19:12.000 trophy thing like a big glass like triangle there were like you know 10 other people that all kind

00:19:16.400 of gave those speeches but i was like i'm the one who had a tv show with my name in the title you

00:19:21.360 know like this is this is my thing this other guy just you know still plays tennis right that's why

00:19:25.600 he's in it right he's a yeah sherwin williams manager it counts but yeah um wow dude that's

00:19:31.440 unbelievable did it almost i wonder if that would make me feel like so much more rewarded than anything

00:19:37.680 because that was like the battlegrounds of being fun like that was where i feel like it was the most

00:19:44.480 fun to be funny yes did you have that experience or no yeah i mean i i couldn't not tell a joke if i

00:19:50.400 thought of it i'm like this is too good it's gotta go it's gonna go to waste but my thing was trying

00:19:55.520 to make the teacher laugh oh because if you made a joke in class teacher would yell at you immediately

00:20:00.400 but if you made her laugh or him laugh it was always a woman and i think about it uh then they

00:20:05.680 couldn't get mad at you and that felt so good because it was like you knew you did something wrong

00:20:10.400 but you did it in the best way possible so now you're the star oh that's fascinating how do you not

00:20:16.560 get in trouble like how like right i understand you're gonna put me in trouble but you and i know

00:20:21.680 yes and all these comics now it's like almost the point is to get in trouble it's like why are you 0.63

00:20:26.080 giving me shit i'm i'm a comic i'm allowed to say whatever i want that's wrong as far as i'm 0.96

00:20:30.400 concerned art always say it again so i don't know people think like oh as a comic your job is to get 0.99

00:20:35.520 in trouble and so but they don't want to get yelled at it's like it's okay to make people mad but

00:20:39.760 they don't want any pushback and i think that's wrong as a comedian you want to make people laugh

00:20:44.560 laugh andy this is a quote attributed to andy warhol that i love it's just art is getting away

00:20:50.080 with it you know if you put out a special and everyone's pissed like you didn't get away with it

00:20:56.000 you know you need to make everyone laugh that they're like yeah he talks about this 0.97

00:20:58.720 fucked up stuff but we're all happy that's art otherwise you're just a troll that's fascinating 0.96

00:21:06.240 man because it adds another level to a lot of things you're like the the superfluous level isn't 0.98

00:21:12.800 enough you're like i want to go to this this other level even thinking of i'm going to get

00:21:18.960 the teacher to laugh i never have thought about that yeah it just happened one day teacher laughed

00:21:23.680 and i was like oh i'm not in trouble right now i would have been what's the difference oh teacher

00:21:28.240 laughed and it was like it was a stern teacher it was a strict teacher who like never laughed it was

00:21:32.400 like oh okay if i can get her i can do this yeah dude i used to think that if i stared at my 0.63

00:21:38.320 teacher enough that they would want to have sex you know really i never i had there was a we had 0.74

00:21:43.600 a french teacher that was christian like sixth grade who uh french first of all even being french 0.96

00:21:49.040 makes you think they're going to want to be sexually yeah and it was a gym teacher oh it was like a

00:21:53.120 former gymnast was a french gym no she was it was a it was the french teacher she was american but spoke

00:21:57.600 french and then there was a gym teacher who was also a babe i think you guys were doing like

00:22:04.080 you know we did learn the basics of cirque du soleil okay the early stuff yeah

00:22:11.520 um and she was hot as i as i remember like if she walked in here right now i wouldn't know who 1.00

00:22:16.320 the hell she was but at the time because a lot of our teachers were busted you know dogsville okay

00:22:22.480 not attractive yes okay yeah some real hounds one that was even like remotely young was like oh my god 0.98

00:22:27.520 this this she's a mermaid yeah we had one that either had huge breasts or filled her shirt with 1.00

00:22:33.600 something that looked like breasts and she wore like a doily like around her neck kind of or whatever 1.00

00:22:39.600 that little collar thing was and we were all like literally do when she came in the room you could 1.00

00:22:46.000 feel like because it was like right around that uh when people was going through perbity or whatever and

00:22:51.680 you could feel people didn't even know how to exist like all the blood would rush to like your brain

00:22:58.320 like parts of your like you didn't even know how to stand it was just god when there was a one because

00:23:04.080 teachers are also the first woman that you're around a lot of times where you're in the same space it's 1.00

00:23:09.520 not your mother but you're around each other a lot they're in a position of power so if they look a

00:23:16.480 little attractive i think it's like it can be very sexual for a lot of young men it's it's a the crazy

00:23:23.200 fantasy you know like a teacher you know but i think when you're when you hit puberty as a boy

00:23:29.360 they start to send you to health class you know it's like they separate the boys and the girls they 0.98

00:23:32.320 start talking to you i can't believe they don't just like put you in jail for three years because

00:23:36.960 everyone everyone from the age of like 11 to like 16 is up to no good it's pure evil and this is but we

00:23:45.920 were before the internet man yeah like you had to know someone who had an older brother who had a

00:23:51.920 playboy collection yeah and they would like tear out like a picture and bring it to you

00:23:56.560 and i remember that someone gave me one it was just a woman from behind she was just standing up 0.98

00:24:00.080 had like a perfect ass but it was just her ass like her hair and this is the only picture that 1.00

00:24:04.240 i had this was it it was like am i an ass guy now like i don't know this is just what you have 0.99

00:24:09.040 and now these kids are just like every little thing every every fetish every fantasy you could ever 0.96

00:24:13.920 imagine there is at their fingertips and it's not good i can't imagine in 10 years 0.99

00:24:19.840 shit's gonna go down like it's gonna be everyone's gonna have a sex dungeon it's gonna be crazy wild 0.99

00:24:24.880 shit and no one's gonna be able to keep up oh i think uh oh yeah i remember somebody even give 1.00

00:24:31.200 you a picture it's a regular chick and they'd write like hot pussy on it or something you'd think 1.00

00:24:34.880 you know like oh this is and she wasn't even naked it's just like that somebody had written that 0.98

00:24:38.960 i remember when someone told me about the p word and i just couldn't even i felt so ashamed that i didn't

00:24:46.560 know it i felt like i didn't know how to communicate anymore like the world was passing me by because

00:24:52.080 like some guys like you don't know what the you know he would say you know i don't like saying it

00:24:56.160 that much but he would say like you don't know what he means you know and i'd be like yeah i do do

00:25:01.040 you not like saying the word because of like the combination of letters or you don't like calling 0.98

00:25:05.760 someone that like would you have a problem calling a guy a pussy or you just don't want to describe 0.98

00:25:11.200 the anatomy as i think if a guy only had like one wing or something and we're and he's hungry 0.98

00:25:18.400 and he only then i would might say something like that but i don't think i like saying it

00:25:21.680 because i don't want people to hear it if they're listening somewhere and they don't feel comfortable

00:25:25.680 hearing it i think it's probably my thought about it that's your fan base people can't hear the word 0.94

00:25:30.880 pussy i think it's people that probably i don't i don't want them to hear it that much i don't care if 0.92

00:25:36.320 they hear it once in a while but i think that it yeah i try not to put that out there too much 0.98

00:25:42.560 with my audience i feel like i'd want them to hear it from me you know it's like i'm a trusted source

00:25:47.760 i don't want them hearing it out on the street from random randos you know i'm the authority figure

00:25:52.880 pussy yeah yeah yeah that's a good i see at least you're so confident about it yeah yeah i think i 0.99

00:26:00.480 didn't oh i remember somebody was like you oh they said you don't know what a dildo is some 0.99

00:26:05.120 kid in fifth grade and i didn't right and i could never handle not knowing what like

00:26:12.160 i didn't want to be somebody that didn't know something right it was like a real control thing

00:26:16.160 i think like controlling my environment and when i didn't know and then i was on the school bus and

00:26:22.000 i didn't know when i just called the bus driver it you know i was like i'm gonna take my chances and

00:26:26.080 see what this is how'd that go and it did not go good and i had to go to the principal that's when they

00:26:30.560 still would spank you and this fellow lawton mckee was his name and he gave me a couple good

00:26:37.280 lashes in his office this episode is sponsored by blue chew if your wieners dno baby down and out

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00:28:50.000 dot com slash this past weekend or dial pound l-a-w that's pound five two nine from your cell phone

00:28:59.840 that's f-o-r the people dot com slash this past weekend or dial pound five two nine from your cell

00:29:11.200 this is a paid advertisement one year i think i was in second grade or the principal of my

00:29:17.200 elementary school was named dr bro guy bro guy bro guy is that french or what is it i don't he's

00:29:23.840 certainly was not french but i don't know what it was bro guy but i'm in second grade i'm seven or eight

00:29:28.080 years old and i have like a sharpie or a pen and i write on the back of the bus seat dr butt guy

00:29:33.600 yeah and which to me i thought was really funny and some kid behind me told the bus driver it was

00:29:39.840 like he's writing on the seat and the guy comes back and sees it and then takes me off the bus and

00:29:45.440 in the principal's office and they're like you wrote on the back of the bus and it's dr bro guy being

00:29:48.960 like what did you write and i'm like it just doodles just i just kind of just a little drawing and they

00:29:55.120 the bus driver's like come on the bus and see me and dr bro guy had to go and look at dr butt guy 0.83

00:30:00.160 that was a tough one i liked going to the office in a little bit because it was like let's take your

00:30:05.280 first business meeting i think when you were a kid it terrified me like i like knowing what i know now

00:30:10.880 i would have been like fine like it's a break from class but then i was like i'm in so much trouble

00:30:14.720 i in my heart i must have thought i was getting expelled every time oh and then my parents were

00:30:18.880 going to kill me and my parents were always mad at me about school like i'm not applying myself enough

00:30:23.200 i'm like i'm getting in trouble were they really smart your parents they were they're both very smart and

00:30:28.640 knew i was smart like i have other siblings i'm the oldest of five and they didn't get the same

00:30:32.320 pressure that i got it was like oh you're the last of five i was the oldest of five oldest of

00:30:36.080 five so i was the first one through and they were just like all our teachers are telling us you're

00:30:39.600 smarter than this you just don't try and i drove them crazy everyone else like i got better grades

00:30:44.320 than my siblings but they were like yeah but they're doing their best like you're not so that that

00:30:48.880 drove them nuts so every time i went to the principal for whatever i would have i would have been happy if

00:30:53.520 they hit me in uh in school but they didn't they would just tell your parents and that was way

00:30:58.080 worse my parents didn't hit me either but uh i didn't like the disappointment i would have taken

00:31:03.520 a beating yeah i'm trying to think if i yeah my mom would beat us pretty good how many siblings do you

00:31:10.000 have i got three siblings and my brother's older and i got two younger sisters but we were not close

00:31:15.040 there was not any affection in our home like we didn't know nobody had any feelings it was very much

00:31:22.080 felt like a business kind of where you were like an employee for like very low level allowance that

00:31:28.480 you never even got there was always some reason you didn't get it and uh that's what it felt like

00:31:34.400 it felt like a very it felt like a little bit of a pyramid scheme is what it kind of our family felt like

00:31:39.680 do you know what a pyramid scheme is yeah it's like

00:31:43.840 it's like it's like when you offer you tell some you get you say to somebody do you want to get

00:31:54.960 like a couple uh shares of do you want to get shares of like a um what do you think it is

00:32:03.360 i think some of the top is like you pay me and then you get but for paying me you get to come in and

00:32:10.480 then people below you are going to pay you and the money's going to flow up oh yeah so you get

00:32:14.720 you get involved and then you hope people more people get involved yeah it wasn't like that it

00:32:18.480 was not that yeah it was more like kind of trickle down maybe some type of reaganomics or something

00:32:24.320 it was something it was something that wasn't working families weren't fair like i feel like

00:32:28.240 my family we never talked about money ever it was assumed that we had it and you would just be told

00:32:33.440 yes or no if you wanted something okay and now they say that families you should tell your kids like

00:32:37.760 here's how much dad makes here's how much mom makes here's what the budget is here's what the

00:32:41.040 house costs that way you know how much so you're not always asking for things that i think is very

00:32:45.200 smart whereas my family was like no you can't have that but i didn't know why and then i grew up and

00:32:49.280 was like oh we were just we had less money than all the all the kids around us you know the people

00:32:54.400 around us had more money for different reasons they either had different jobs or fewer kids

00:32:58.240 but uh but i just assumed we had everything and my parents just didn't want to give it to us

00:33:02.480 god that's an insane thought yeah it's so macabre yeah it's like oh they're just being mean i can't

00:33:08.960 get a nintendo and i was like no we were trying to pay our mortgage like yeah yeah why else as a kid

00:33:14.640 you don't understand like do you but i got a dog and my dog only wants to like play eat like walk and

00:33:20.560 he doesn't understand why we're not doing those things it's like playing is so much fun let's go play

00:33:24.640 and i'm like oh i and once you kind of understand that yeah that like simplicity you're like okay and

00:33:28.960 like kids are like that like they just want to consume yeah they just want to eat pizza for

00:33:33.440 every meal and like hot dogs and go to baseball games they don't understand why as an adult you

00:33:37.360 don't want to do that yeah do you think you're like you were a good brother when you were growing

00:33:42.080 up or not no i was the oldest of five and it was five kids in seven years and i just wanted to do my

00:33:47.280 own thing i wasn't i was protective of my sisters but only as much as i had to be right so you did you

00:33:52.720 buy into the family system or were you very much like i'm doing like i'm doing my own thing i was

00:33:57.520 like i i don't want to i don't want to have to do i don't want to mow the lawn i don't want to do

00:34:00.240 any of this stuff right i'm here but all free agents yeah i'm doing my own thing and then when

00:34:04.800 i left for college then we became closer it was like the little distance coming back we all kind of

00:34:09.280 we're closer in age now i mean the same uh level in age my brother who was you know born when i was

00:34:14.720 seven years old is now like my favorite person in the world oh really yeah we're really close what's

00:34:19.280 kind of interesting about that like do you like being like now do you like see more value in being

00:34:24.080 a brother what's kind of interesting because i i have a brother and i love you know we weren't

00:34:28.080 close when we're kids but now i love having a brother it's like the best thing uh it's it's just

00:34:32.240 it's hard when they're seven years you're seven years apart like i wanted a brother so badly from

00:34:36.480 like the moment i really have consciousness and i got three sisters every two years i get another sister

00:34:41.760 and i just like wanted one and i finally got that brother and i was like oh i he can't do anything

00:34:46.720 like he's useless until like yeah for a long time and then by the time i like i went to college when i was

00:34:52.560 18 you know he was 11 so like now we were very very close but i think it's just having been closer

00:34:58.800 in age i think if he was like two years younger than me we'd be much much closer is he a steelers 1.00

00:35:03.840 fan yes wow you are you have to be yeah yeah it's tough this year but uh it's been rocky man i wanted

00:35:11.200 to buy in uh pick it right and i say you know y'all i think party always cheers for the steelers i mean

00:35:17.200 because i'm a saints fan and they're black and gold steelers are black and gold and i love

00:35:22.480 steelers you know i you know i'd always go up there you hear all these crazy rumors about

00:35:27.040 cordell stewart and shenley park you'd hear all of this you know you people's just saying thank thank

00:35:33.920 thank you know you'd hear all of it you know um and so yeah i always want them to do well but and

00:35:41.120 then i saw him with that mustache i'm like this means he's gonna do well because you don't grow a

00:35:46.000 mustache i think unless you're planning on doing something where i'm from yeah and uh and then he

00:35:52.000 just hasn't been able to really put it together yet i think he hasn't been that bad i think it's

00:35:56.560 like i think it's everybody i don't think everyone's like it's the coaching i'm like no it's not just

00:36:01.040 the players it's everyone just kind of just being a little bit off and i think we'll pull it together

00:36:04.880 i think we'll we'll be you know game over 500 maybe game under maybe break tomlin streak but i'm the

00:36:10.400 kind of fan who i just want to support i'm i like the coaches i like the players like if they get

00:36:15.440 traded like i still like them i'm just i just happy that the team is there i don't get mad yeah

00:36:20.560 you know i don't get mad about the steelers anymore i used to and then i kind of just realize

00:36:24.320 like this is stupid why am i ruining like relationships with people like there was a 0.96

00:36:29.200 game once i think i just moved to la and the steelers played the patriots it was the year that brady won 0.97

00:36:34.560 his first super bowl when they had like beaten the raiders was a miracle and the steelers were really

00:36:38.320 heavily favored and then we just got crushed and all my friends were at my place and they were all

00:36:42.640 patriots fans except for me and i got hammered and like yelled at everybody like it was such an

00:36:47.680 embarrassing game and i snapped that i was so embarrassed that i couldn't talk to my friends

00:36:52.240 for like a week and i was like i'm never doing this again i'm gonna be on emotional lockdown 0.99

00:36:56.480 for sporting events from now on it's just it's stupid yeah you put a lot into it yeah and you 0.99

00:37:01.760 see people put their whole lives into it and they cart their wife out there and they'll paint their wife 0.98

00:37:06.320 the colors of the team and they'll do all of that you know what got me uh remember when the red

00:37:10.080 socks won their first world series in like forever you know it was like early to mid 2000s or something

00:37:16.240 and i remember being pumped for them i had a bunch of friends who are red sox fans and i was rooting

00:37:19.920 for them to win that year and then after they won i was happy and then the next season the fans were 0.97

00:37:25.840 like the same assholes it was like they were like the guy from memento who doesn't know he killed the 0.99

00:37:30.400 dude and he's just like i gotta kill this guy and so you killed him you already won and they didn't 0.99

00:37:34.400 didn't bring them that much joy that i don't want to be that kind of fan yeah i want to just always be 0.94

00:37:38.560 happy for my team yeah i think that's what i'm i i i've struggled to have that i realize it's like

00:37:44.720 am i a fairweather fan i was a die hard saints fan growing up die hard i remember when i didn't have

00:37:50.000 any money i made like saints merchandise and i got there and sell bootleg merchandise you know and

00:37:55.360 i love them you know yeah i love the saints and it just uh but at a certain point it just

00:38:01.200 i don't know also got a little bit older i think you start to realize like

00:38:04.400 i'm busy yeah i made my life i got busier too i didn't have as much time to do fantasy i don't

00:38:11.120 know i never i never done fantasy i never wanted to really i never want to root for anyone who's

00:38:15.840 not a stealer i never want to be like oh you know calvin ridley just you know ran all over us but he's

00:38:22.400 on my he's on my fantasy team so i'm happy about that like i never wanted to do that wow you're

00:38:26.000 really pure then you're kind of a purist and i also just don't want to like type in on that 0.93

00:38:29.760 shit i don't want to sit there for the draft you know like one of my best friends is like one of 0.98

00:38:33.040 the uh like a big fantasy football guy like knows everything would if he ran your team you would win 0.99

00:38:38.080 and i just i would never give a shit not my thing i don't gamble do you gamble you put money on sports 0.91

00:38:43.840 i do gamble sometimes i realized recently that i need to kind of chill out you know not a lot i'll 0.97

00:38:49.120 bet like a couple hundred dollars here and there on something i've never bet one thousand dollars on

00:38:54.160 something but um i do realize it's like i'm getting a little like when i get like testy or

00:39:02.480 bored i want to do something you know you need to misbehave i'm like that where i'm like yes like

00:39:07.120 i'm like i don't i haven't had to drink in like a year and a half i don't consider myself so i don't

00:39:12.080 consider myself sober but i've been drinking but i need something i need like a nicotine pouch or like

00:39:17.600 some sort of like thing that's like this is my misbehaving yeah watch me misbehave where does that

00:39:23.760 come from that's something i've always had you think that's just a mat not a malady but just a

00:39:29.840 you know a piece of human like like do you think it's just something that you that's in you you

00:39:36.400 know or do you think sorry i got bugs in here because i think a lot of this stuff is outdated

00:39:40.880 um we're in a masonic temple by the way this isn't all new stuff we're in is this yeah i think this

00:39:47.520 is not this isn't the room my show is in but i think i'm in this theater yeah yeah yeah you are

00:39:51.920 we're in there tonight okay yeah cool so we're switching awesome um yes davros halkias have you

00:39:59.120 ever seen this kid i know who he is but i haven't met him thicker kid nice kid he's via uh he's not

00:40:03.440 vietnamese what is he white and he um he's performing in town too tonight there's a real

00:40:11.520 i mean comedies that it's everywhere it's everywhere now and i think it's we're in this phase i think the

00:40:17.440 second boom is over i think it ended with the pandemic but we're in this like rock star phase

00:40:22.640 where there's like like the you know five percent of the stand-up comedians are just

00:40:25.920 rock stars yeah and everyone else is like just kind of tolling away at clubs but i i'll ride this

00:40:31.360 wave as long as it goes i mean the fact that there's three comedians in town this weekend

00:40:36.960 performing at theaters is kind of crazy you know i mean almost every weekend i'm out on the road it's

00:40:41.040 like there's someone that same night somewhere else it's just i think probably a lot of it's the

00:40:45.200 pandemic people are like itching to get out on the road well some people are coming out to shows

00:40:49.120 man i think it's we're also you can't get fair news i mean the news seems to be to me really

00:40:55.520 compromised these days right like no matter what news you get like i learned last week that

00:41:01.440 you can pay like some of these websites like billboard or some of them you can pay them money

00:41:08.000 to come out and like take photos of you and put them on the internet or write a story you can just pay for

00:41:13.440 it yeah and it's like the news has been monetized right it's not a service anymore and now it's like

00:41:19.520 we we just need to give you your news right and that's there should be like just at the end of the

00:41:25.040 day like here's here's what really happened yeah right there should be like some dude who sneaks over

00:41:28.880 like hey bud let me get five minutes of your time this is what's going on this is actually what happened

00:41:32.720 whatever your politics are like this is what went down black and white make your own decisions so i think

00:41:37.920 people are coming to see something live too because they want to hear things that they

00:41:42.640 they want to hear something that's not that doesn't maybe feel as bought and paid for do you

00:41:47.440 think that's possible yes i think the edges have been sanded off everything like every time disney

00:41:51.600 buys another company i'm like oh my career has gotten shorter if disney owns everything i'm never

00:41:56.240 working again why in television because they would never put someone like me on tv it's like these

00:42:01.200 companies that have to they have all these responsibilities to just bad entertainment it's like we just don't want to

00:42:07.600 make anyone mad you know it's not about like doing something great so i think stand up it's like the

00:42:11.760 one place where you can go and just see an unfiltered not by i don't think it's like it's edgier uh but i

00:42:18.720 just think you have like fewer people worried about what's gonna happen and then you just want to see

00:42:22.400 an artist like doing their thing instead of like a hundred artists and a corporation combining to come

00:42:28.080 up with a storyline for a season you know just i think tv and movies have gotten bad you were one of the

00:42:33.840 first guys that i heard of that takes like breaks in their life and touring i don't know if that's

00:42:38.640 true i would just hear this is like some of the jeselnick lore that would go around i mean it was

00:42:42.480 all kind of things there was the blood you know the drink the plasma there was all that kind of

00:42:47.520 shit but there was like there was um that yeah anthony takes like he'll take like a month or two off and 0.83

00:42:53.600 just go somewhere and do something and spend time with him by himself or go travel you know but it 0.98

00:42:59.280 would usually be a writing retreat like i would be going to write like i'm just gonna i gotta go

00:43:04.160 away and lock myself in a cabin and write 100 jokes like i would be like in a week i gotta write 100

00:43:08.640 no matter when i do it but i gotta leave here with 100 jokes i remember the one time i did that i went

00:43:13.120 up and got a place in ojai and i wrote 100 jokes in a week i was writing on fallon at the time and i

00:43:17.600 couldn't write my own stuff so i was like i'm just gonna take a week and go do this and of all those

00:43:22.000 jokes of 100 jokes one of them made it into my act and it was like a 30 second joke that i was like

00:43:26.240 this was probably a bad use of my time but i was i i was feeling i don't know if you feel about this

00:43:31.280 but you have to get the bad jokes out to get to the good jokes you know let's say like but when

00:43:35.680 you start doing comedy you're going to write a million jokes in your life let's say 200 of them

00:43:40.320 are going to be great but you still need to write a million you can't just write 200 and stop that i'm

00:43:45.520 always like i'm always trying to write just to get the bad ones out you know so that the good ones can

00:43:50.320 come to me but yeah i would do that guys you know yeah like uh who was that oh louis ck i was talking

00:43:56.000 with him and he said what did he say he said uh it's the ones you don't want to tell a lot of times

00:44:05.920 like the ones that'll sit there that you're afraid to tell he's like for him anyway he said those are

00:44:11.440 the ones that end up being becoming his favorite so i love that he says things like that like i remember 0.96

00:44:17.280 he did snl one year and he was like there was one sketch that i was like i hate this it's so stupid we 0.90

00:44:22.000 have to do it like i want to do something where i'm like i have to blow a big horn and i feel stupid 0.72

00:44:26.640 doing it because that's what snl is to me like i want to do this but the hat where he would talk

00:44:30.400 about like opening with his closer and then being like how do i build i've got to go somewhere like

00:44:34.960 i have to work it out on stage i thought that was like very brave and an intelligent way to do it

00:44:40.480 when it comes to trying out jokes like that though i always say only try the ones you like and only keep

00:44:46.320 the ones they like you know because if you try one you don't like and the audience loves it you're

00:44:50.720 stuck with that yeah it's true like i don't have i never have self-deprecating jokes but i had one in

00:44:56.160 my act like a couple tours ago and at my openers would laugh because they were like you're just

00:44:59.920 having fun all of a sudden you tell this joke and then you're like mad at the audience for laughing

00:45:03.520 like the joke was on me and just annoyed me i hate it i hated self-deprecating comedy no thank you

00:45:09.520 yeah i don't know if i like it or not i don't know i mean i think yeah i think i'm kind of fine with it

00:45:14.640 i don't know i think for me a lot of times it feels like just survival like how do i survive

00:45:20.720 through this hour with this group of people to get some high that i need or something that i need

00:45:28.720 that i've always needed and i just how do we get to the end of this with me with it being a fair

00:45:35.040 exchange that's my biggest thing i want it to be fair for their money that they spend and fair for what

00:45:42.400 i give them you know and then i start to look deeper sometimes like why do people come to see

00:45:47.920 things what do we look for in people that we go to watch or that we let entertain us like what i'm

00:45:55.680 putting my own attention on you know that seems to be the biggest thing that i have that the thing i

00:46:01.680 have the most of my own value seems to be like my attention like where do i let it sit what do i who do

00:46:08.400 i give it to you know i find those like websites sometimes that i'll go to i'm like oh why am i

00:46:12.960 giving this it doesn't even feel good it doesn't feel rewarding you know yeah like the tick tock and

00:46:17.680 shit where you're just like an hour goes by and like what am i i haven't learned anything or i just 0.75

00:46:22.080 feel like i've burned an hour yeah yeah yeah sometimes i laugh and stuff but it's like facebook you know 0.98

00:46:27.040 i'll go and look and see if anybody's dead from high school you know and i hate to say that but it's like

00:46:30.880 that's kind of it you know if there's like a good raffle that somebody's doing i'll do that but

00:46:34.960 it's like i don't like what am i am i here just because i'm being lazy and then i start to look

00:46:41.200 like at the algorithm it's like man they've got us really on the ropes as far as to us just becoming

00:46:48.960 humans just becoming like trained completely trained fish oh dude it's gonna be like the 0.97

00:46:57.280 fucking end of wally remember that movie where it's like all the fat people in the the wheelchairs like 0.98

00:47:02.480 and i think we're gonna i think you and i will be okay it's the younger kids that i'm like oh 0.99

00:47:07.920 they're all fucked like they just their attention span is gone i don't even know what the world's 0.99

00:47:13.840 gonna look like in 50 years yeah they're running it like i think about the people who are in tech 1.00

00:47:19.600 you know they have kids now and they all have nannies and shit and their one rule is keep the 1.00

00:47:23.120 kids off the tablets right they don't want to have a phone and ipad anything and everyone else is 0.99

00:47:27.360 like here you go like seeing see when you're 18 and they're the ones making the shit that's the 0.97

00:47:32.160 thing and that's so they know how dangerous they know how bad it is but it seems like a bad way to 0.94

00:47:38.320 you know experience your childhood is to always have stuff like remember that you'd run home from

00:47:42.320 school run home to catch the cartoons you had to like sprint upstairs to the bathroom and come back

00:47:48.160 down before the commercials were over to catch the second half of dukes of hazard like you had like

00:47:53.040 where you were mattered and now everything is just at your fingertips and i think it's bad for you

00:47:57.840 oh i think the value of most things it's like i think about this like even with relationships and

00:48:03.520 stuff like the light in a woman's eyes you got to see it used to be that was from your wife you know

00:48:08.960 it's like or the that was from your partner it was like that's who you you know that was the war

00:48:14.720 but now it's like there's just constantly you know it's like you can find anything of somebody just

00:48:19.440 completely giving everything they have to a screen somewhere and i just wonder what the effect of

00:48:25.760 that is on like marriages and like like and if you go look on your phone all day and stuff's making

00:48:32.080 you laugh and if you get home and your kid makes you laugh right i'm not saying that it your kids

00:48:37.360 doesn't still make you laugh but does it like debilitates does it take away a little bit of that

00:48:41.680 because your dopamine has been slowly released all day yeah that by the time you get home you're like

00:48:46.160 oh i've seen 40 attractive women on social media i've seen like some kid in you know uh miami or 1.00

00:48:54.000 some you know they find a kid in the dirt like in uganda or something he's happy or whatever he's got

00:48:58.480 a diamond or whatever and he's all please you know it's like you've seen the happiest kid in the world

00:49:02.560 for the day so i just wonder are we do we cannibalize have we just cannibalized every thing that used to

00:49:10.560 have meaning right and not just like to hit a dopamine for your head but like some meaning to

00:49:17.200 you intrinsically like as a human you know i think it's taken away a little bit of community because

00:49:22.080 you everyone has their own entertainment that's like just for them on demand so you don't like

00:49:26.960 watch things together that's why like this summer going to see barbie and oppenheimer with like a

00:49:31.440 theater full of people dressing up was like such a crazy thing that hasn't been happening for a while

00:49:36.000 because people would just sit at their sit at home and you everyone's watching the same videos

00:49:39.840 but at different times on their phone by themselves so they might like pass them around but you don't

00:49:45.120 just sit and like you know if people threw up 10 minutes of memes at the office every morning

00:49:49.600 and they sat in an office and laughed at them and everything great but everyone's just kind of just

00:49:53.440 in their own shit absorbing them yeah at their own time and family it's just like i think that's a 0.55

00:49:58.640 that's a big part of it and we've talked about that before we had a guy on here named john 0.93

00:50:01.840 vervake and he's like a meaning specialist so or he's not like a specialist but he's like a

00:50:06.400 professor and that's what man's quest for meaning that's what a lot of his stuff is about and he talks

00:50:11.760 about like the stoics and like aristotle and like the past and how man has always searched for

00:50:16.880 meaning kind of but a lot of he talks about his shared experiences that's one of the biggest things

00:50:21.040 that we had as humans like um is that we share experiences yeah you would all army we would all

00:50:26.640 watch a show then we would go out in the street if we watched in living color and we would go in

00:50:30.640 the street in our neighborhood and impersonate all the characters dude like oh god oh yeah i had

00:50:35.280 my person damon wayans like oh homie the clown home you know yeah dude we would and it was like

00:50:40.720 and if you could do it good in the street it like there was but we'd all seen it and it was just so

00:50:46.720 yeah if you'd seen a new episode it'd come out and you'd have to you'd be like when the commercial

00:50:51.200 break came on you'd piss and have to get back before the right before the commercial ended oh yeah that

00:50:55.920 monday morning in school everyone that's all anyone's talking about yeah like i was i was

00:51:00.320 big into comedy as a kid and i remember when i got to college remember mr show with bob and david

00:51:04.880 i've heard of it show david cross bob odenkirk and i loved it it was like edgy like hard comedy it

00:51:11.680 was on like midnight on a friday no one ever watched it and i would make my friends come over i'm like

00:51:16.880 i'm buying the beer i've got the weed just come and just watch this thing with me and they all hated it

00:51:21.200 and i was just sitting there just trying to make them like you don't think this is like and it was

00:51:25.040 so fucking funny to me ben's the ben stiller show when i was in like eighth grade every monday i was 0.88

00:51:29.920 like did you guys watch this it was so fucking funny and no one it wasn't like they didn't think 0.82

00:51:33.760 it was funny they didn't even know about it and weren't interested about it like i was always just 0.72

00:51:37.520 extra into comedy because it was a way to bond with people you know yeah i'm doing you're doing the

00:51:42.560 theater and 2 000 people all laughing at the same time and it's like this is awesome this is great

00:51:48.080 that we get i get to just see this it's cool do you ever sometimes with songs i wish i was the guy

00:51:52.640 in the audience having a good time you ever wish that does that make any sense i know exactly what

00:51:57.200 you mean and i feel like i'm like i'm past it like i can't enjoy comedy the way that i used to i would

00:52:01.600 love to go back and to the way that i would experience comedy back in the day but now i just know too much

00:52:06.560 about it i see too much that i'm just like oh okay like i just i watch it differently like i opened for

00:52:11.520 chris rock in europe a few years ago wow he's my favorite he's amazing i mean maybe the greatest

00:52:16.000 to ever do it and a guy that i was like i'm absolutely going to learn everything i can

00:52:19.840 i'm gonna watch him every night watch his whole set watch everything and after two shows i was

00:52:24.320 like he's a genius like what i'm not i can't take anything from him on on stage there's nothing i can

00:52:30.960 take that would be that would like be okay to take it's like he's got his cadence he's got these things

00:52:35.040 he worked on but i just became obsessed with like how does he prepare what does he do right after he

00:52:39.600 gets off stage what do you do right before what's his process like because it's like i can learn from

00:52:43.600 that but he's just too great of a stand-up to to take anything from him on stage

00:52:50.880 yeah i think sometimes watching certain guys for him memoir when i watch him i love he's so funny

00:52:55.120 great he's so everybody loves him i don't think there's one type of like he's so funny oh he's

00:53:01.920 just the nicest guy too i mean so many comics like nice is a low bar in comedy you know it's like he

00:53:07.360 didn't like actively assault me he's like a nice guy but it's someone who actually you want to sit

00:53:10.800 and talk to and can enjoy a conversation is few and far between and he's he's one of those guys

00:53:15.760 there was a comedian one night we're at the comedy store some guys backing out of the comedy store

00:53:20.080 hits a woman with his car a what like a woman's car a woman hit a woman a human woman wow and uh

00:53:26.160 which i don't condone no and so do it huh can't do it yeah i mean and the guy so then he takes off

00:53:33.600 into the building right a few minutes later i just see it from the porch i'm like what and it wasn't

00:53:39.200 really hard but it was the lady fell down right and people were tripping out and the guy like

00:53:45.360 seven or eight minutes later he i'm in the back other part of the comedy store he comes up to me

00:53:48.560 he's like hey dude he has no idea i've seen it he's like do i look like i just hit a woman with my car

00:53:53.200 and i'm like what what would that look like i don't know but i don't know if he was on drugs or

00:53:59.920 if somebody was like hey man do i look like i just hit a woman with my car and i was like nah man you

00:54:03.760 look totally chill yeah do you think he was gonna like walk out there and be like oh that can't be him

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00:56:13.840 the last website you'll ever need today's episode is brought to you by better help does it feel like

00:56:21.520 your brain's going to hell sometimes does it feel like your thoughts or have been um 0.51

00:56:27.600 um vultured over by satan by negativity by uh your own uncomfort well better help can help you

00:56:38.880 you know if you just don't feel like you're on track i've been there i've felt negative i've felt

00:56:44.320 down in the dumps i've felt um like it's so cold in the d you know what i'm saying and what helped me

00:56:52.480 was better help better help therapy they will do it and they can do it for you if you've benefited

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00:57:27.920 today to get 10 off your first month that's better h-e-l-p dot com slash t-h-e-o but comments are

00:57:37.440 strange man it's really crazy to think how many strange people get together and building in how much

00:57:42.960 like like i was thinking yesterday about how brody stevens took his life right like that's crazy because we

00:57:48.800 so many of us had seen him that night and there's nothing about him that seemed very

00:57:55.120 erroneous or you know like people knew that he was struggling you never kind of knew what level

00:57:59.280 he was struggling at because i think he put so much of it also into his act so you were never sure how

00:58:05.920 much was an act and how much wasn't no i mean people who are like the most depressed put on the best

00:58:11.040 mask you know it's like if you ever see those memes it's like this isn't the face of depression

00:58:14.640 someone being like crying it's like it's somebody's like like it's the smiles too big you know it's 0.93

00:58:19.440 like no one's that fucking happy man what's going on then i'm not like brody was always a ball of 0.98

00:58:23.520 sunshine but i mean i was shocked and gutted when that happened and most of the time i remember robin 0.98

00:58:28.240 williams i was like this fucking guy this fucking guy who like everyone thinks is the funniest person 0.99

00:58:32.480 of all time like i had to pull the plug like that was gutting that i i'm not uh i understand that 0.99

00:58:39.360 everyone dies and deaths rarely bother me but suicide is always just devastates me like i got

00:58:45.200 to take the afternoon to like process call the therapist and just like talk it out because it's

00:58:50.080 always it's always brutal brody was a tough one yeah yeah i think he was so big too he was so much

00:58:58.160 bigger than life i i think what scares me the most about it is that it's like could that happen of

00:59:06.560 something me could that happen you know how do you go from seeming just like every other comedian at

00:59:11.680 the store in a way not i mean of course you're individual but just seeming like every other

00:59:16.480 comedian to suddenly you know like does something can something happen in your brain that just makes

00:59:22.560 that happen yes i mean suicide and i've read a book about this last year i think uh amazing book

00:59:28.000 which is like suicide's almost like a state of mind like it's like it's just like something comes

00:59:31.600 over you and you can't you can't help yourself like you're not you're not who you normally were and

00:59:37.280 a lot of times if a friend of mine or someone i know uh you know dies by suicide i like i have to

00:59:42.400 know the details like i need to know what happened was it financial was it like i was reading a book

00:59:48.480 where if people try to kill themselves by jumping off a bridge into water if they do it over uh

00:59:54.160 romantic entanglements if they do it over a woman or a guy they almost always if they don't die when 0.90

00:59:59.440 they hit the water swim to the surface they're like what am i doing this is so stupid i and they swim 0.99

01:00:03.680 out and they get saved if they're if they're jumping over financial shit they sink like a stone it's like 0.99

01:00:09.680 thank god this is over like it's just these different things get into people's minds and just

01:00:13.760 extinguish any sort of any sort of flame there's a book about that oh wow yeah yeah i just don't

01:00:21.760 know i wonder if i have too much of an ego that's why i wouldn't like ego is so interesting because

01:00:26.640 it's like kind of this shadow but it's like this i don't know do when you say ego do you mean like

01:00:35.440 your your body saying like you know not today or do you mean like you're in your mind being like i'm

01:00:40.000 not going to let people read about me tomorrow that i took my own life that's what i think i

01:00:44.800 well i i don't want to die yeah you know i don't want to die this is all i'm doing is being alive so

01:00:51.760 if i die that's probably going to be pretty boring you know at least if i'm alive i can do any you

01:00:56.960 know the things are possible i feel like death sounds great it's just like you get to sleep like

01:01:03.120 i don't sleep that well so like the idea of just like you go to sleep forever it sounds awesome

01:01:08.080 suicide i'm not going out like that i'm not doing that to people who knew me i'm not going

01:01:13.600 to be that's not going to be the end of my story and i just like refused that i never even entertain

01:01:18.400 it uh but i am fascinated by uh by it yeah yeah i just don't and i don't know how i would do it i

01:01:27.520 just don't know if i could do i don't want to do it i would do like the guy in the garage with the

01:01:32.720 piping or whatever probably something casual yeah i used to think that i'd be like okay i'd be like a

01:01:37.440 bathtub guy you know kind of thing or take some pills and go to sleep and then i would read about

01:01:42.160 it more and it was like men don't do that men pull out the shotgun men jump off a thing you know like

01:01:48.320 women take the pills women go in the bathtub and i was like oh well this isn't for me you know i'm 0.99

01:01:53.280 not going i'm not going out pansy style yeah you know i mean oh yeah look yeah i was raised by my

01:01:59.520 mom so i used to wear that towel i would put it up around my chest sometimes you know what i'm talking

01:02:03.440 about like the bath towel yeah and then one day my buddy's like i was at my buddy's house he's like 0.97

01:02:08.400 dude what the fuck are you doing yeah like you have the towel like above your breasts or whatever 0.98

01:02:14.560 and or and i remember sometimes i would stand and i would talk like i remember if i was talking to 1.00

01:02:18.000 somebody with my shirt off i would cover my chest like this like just the nipples or like the whole 0.82

01:02:23.520 yeah like the nipples and i just remember it was probably something that my mom did if she was like 0.98

01:02:26.960 you know if we peeked in her room or something and she'd be like what do you know

01:02:30.000 like i don't know it just seemed kind of it seemed like more of a feminine

01:02:36.400 trait you know i remember when i was a kid like we do yard work at the house and i was helping always

01:02:40.880 helping my dad you know because uh i was the oldest and it was just like it's hot out take your shirt

01:02:44.880 off like take your shirt off we're out we're doing yard work and i was like great and one day i'm like

01:02:48.240 playing football with my friends who are like eight or nine years old and it's really hot and i just take 0.93

01:02:51.440 my shirt off to play and they all just like stop and look at me like what the fuck are you doing and 0.92

01:02:55.040 i was like oh got it shirt back on like never again like i'm not a shirt off guy yeah in our

01:03:01.360 neighborhood taking your shirt off was a sign of respect when i was growing up like if somebody did

01:03:06.400 something you know we had people that couldn't real you know speak really well and very you know just

01:03:14.640 damn limited you know and so people would take their shirt off as like a sign of like um

01:03:19.600 um like respect you know like we're with this guy you know i remember that like on like you're 0.99

01:03:28.880 watching 9 11 you just like everybody take your shirts off no no it'd be something more localized

01:03:33.440 like if you were watching like uh like if somebody had started like a ditch fire or something and you

01:03:39.760 know people were supporting him or whatever he was doing he was burning like their if it was a woman

01:03:45.760 burning her husband stuff or whatever or something if you were doing if you were in support of whoever

01:03:49.760 was doing something there was like a it was almost like i don't know what to say so i'm just gonna say

01:03:55.680 that i'm a i am showing myself here so it's very it's felt very primitive when i think back on it so

01:04:02.160 you take the shirt off and you're done or you swing it around or you throwing the shirt away like

01:04:07.040 this shirt's done now i just saw something so cool but you just hold it until yeah you just hold it

01:04:12.640 until you say like i'm here and then this moment of respect is over 10 minutes 15 minutes put your

01:04:16.720 shirt back on yeah things would kind of dissipate or something i think somebody you know the oldest

01:04:21.120 kid would put their shirt back on and then the rest of the kids would put their shirt back on

01:04:24.400 so it was like a it was an age thing i think it was like a um

01:04:30.320 yeah it was something but i just remember that if you didn't know what to do you just took your shirt

01:04:35.600 off if you're around an adult sometimes you took it you know just to show it was like a sign of respect

01:04:40.320 somehow i just remember people doing it a lot i always think it's funny when you see like you

01:04:46.160 see fights online like i follow twitter accounts just like here's a fight and it's like it's the

01:04:49.760 worst just some door some like random guy in the suburbs rips his shirt like they start arguing he

01:04:53.520 tears his shirt off and starts flexing always makes me laugh why do they allow these children you ever see 0.98

01:04:59.120 the fights of children beating up other children online why do they allow that to be on it seems like

01:05:05.200 we created a culture that is just imitating what they see right because at a certain point

01:05:11.520 you just see the same it's like the same exact video just new people and i'm like why shouldn't

01:05:17.600 there be a block that's where i get weird about like free speech kind of i guess you know it's like

01:05:23.120 shouldn't there be a block that lets us not see this the fight the kids fighting yeah i just think

01:05:29.600 it's like because then some kid sees that now 20 other kids are going to go make the video

01:05:35.360 yeah like are we just perpetuating it you know i don't know i i mean there were plenty of fights

01:05:40.160 before this started happening i don't know if anyone's fighting for the video you almost hope

01:05:44.160 it's the kind of fight that doesn't like that isn't going to be online like i would gotten the last

01:05:48.880 time i got in a real fist fight i think it was like a sophomore in high school and they filmed it

01:05:52.880 they had a camcorder on a tripod what and filmed it and i won the fight was it comedy central

01:05:57.520 what the uh like who was it a company that filmed the fight yeah when i was 16 years old oh i thought

01:06:05.680 you said high school high school yeah oh sorry high school okay and uh just the guy thought he was

01:06:11.120 going to beat me up and had his friends film it and i won the fight you did yeah and people passed

01:06:16.000 the tape around i did one of the coolest things i've ever done before or since i was this guy's bigger

01:06:21.520 than me and i'm not winning this fight in the beginning and we get to a point we've thrown a couple

01:06:25.760 punches and he gets me from behind he's like got me in like a bear hug around my arms oh and he's

01:06:31.600 done he's trying to like throw me down and i just in this in this like five second span i remember

01:06:37.760 a movie called bird on bird on wire with mel gibson bird on wire yeah bird on the wire goldie hawn

01:06:44.480 yes with goldie hawn and mel gibson's thing in that movie his move and when you fight was to someone

01:06:50.400 get him from behind and he would put his head forward and slam his head back and so i just let my all my

01:06:55.200 body weight go like i just went limp and i had my head drop down and slammed it back and caught him

01:07:00.400 right in the head and he went down and you hear everyone scream and i was just like and like

01:07:05.360 i i think i knocked his teeth out he had fake teeth in the first four and i hit him and the 0.77

01:07:09.680 teeth came out and then he was like this is over i gotta fix my teeth and that that tape went around

01:07:14.400 school for like three weeks and i felt like a god and then all of a sudden it disappeared but i was like if

01:07:19.200 that was online i don't know what my life would have been like you know you would have been somebody

01:07:25.920 who's fights i you probably that would have been my thing you'd have been like yeah i'm gonna get in

01:07:30.080 a fight and hope this guy grabs me from behind and then i'm gonna do my mel gibson head snap and this 0.87

01:07:34.800 is my identity now oh you'd be doing a musical of it for sure i mean that's the kind of thing that

01:07:39.120 happens it's like people yeah everything you have to take it to the stage now um have you been to uh

01:07:47.440 uh have you done comedy mothership yet no i actually i was in austin a few weeks ago and i

01:07:52.960 like i had like three shows uh but then i went i remember curtis from a comedy store yeah he's like

01:07:58.480 running now he was like yeah he's awesome curtis nelson yeah he was like just come over uh after

01:08:02.880 your show and like we'll be closed but i'll give you a tour that's exactly what he did showed me all

01:08:06.480 like the memorabilia on the walls and like showed me the stages and like it all seems you know pretty uh

01:08:12.560 pretty perfect it's cool yeah i think one thing they're doing well one thing i noticed when i was there

01:08:17.120 i just i think i've done maybe two sets there right but it's nice i mean when you go there like

01:08:23.280 you know if you do do a set there they you know they just surprise the audience with you so it like

01:08:28.080 you could just they're just amped you know so that always feels pretty nice i think and to be a place

01:08:33.680 where a comedian opened a comedy club i think is kind of interesting and that they get paid better

01:08:38.480 right that's one thing i think is really cool i like it that i mean is that the comedians get paid

01:08:43.120 better i i root for that place i root for on there's no comic club i root against but it just

01:08:48.400 seems like it's probably a little bit easier there oh because it's kind of like a built-in like this

01:08:57.360 like a lot of the audience that likes like like a rogan audience or a hands clip on it like a home

01:09:01.920 team it's a built-in approval like you you're not joe rogan cannot bomb at that club right you know

01:09:07.200 i mean that it's like they right everybody coming is hoping they see him yes and i've got jokes where 0.98

01:09:12.080 it's like i want the audience to be like oh fuck you know i don't want them to be like yeah if i 0.99

01:09:16.720 say like you know let's talk about trans people and everyone's like fuck yeah do it then that's 1.00

01:09:20.640 not my thing i want people to be like fuck and then i show them how i do it you know but that place 0.99

01:09:25.440 and this is not it's just because it's new and people are excited about the club but it doesn't seem 0.99

01:09:30.480 it seems like a little bit uh people will say come play in our sandbox i want to play on the beach

01:09:36.640 uh see what you're saying you know yeah no well i think that it's a good point that i think as you

01:09:41.280 get when people know you yeah a lot of times even when i go on stage i'm like are they am i good at

01:09:49.680 this anymore or are people just being you know who are uh fans of mine or we have something in common

01:09:59.920 or they just get you know i don't doubt myself but you started the the the setup changes it's not

01:10:07.520 where you went on stage for 14 years and they didn't know who you were so you knew you got to win

01:10:13.920 them over yeah you knew there were so many pieces of feedback that you were getting that let you know

01:10:20.240 you were genuinely you were doing well whereas now it's like yeah am i still and then because they

01:10:29.600 they're there for you so it's like how do you know how do you find an audience then i mean i guess

01:10:34.960 you just pop on on shows where people don't know you're going to be there maybe that's probably the

01:10:38.400 best way i mean tv was my thing tv and like i never was i wasn't like i wasn't i wasn't someone's

01:10:44.320 opener and that's how i kind of made my bones it was like okay got on tv the roast kind of showcased

01:10:49.040 what i did to stand up right and then it was like you could go see me do that for an hour you know it

01:10:54.080 was it just worked out that i my stand up is very close to my roasting so that's how i got everyone and i

01:10:59.360 kind of missed those days where i was so a surprise to people because i don't have to earn it anymore

01:11:03.520 i just have to not let them down if i don't let them down they're gonna come back you know i'll

01:11:07.920 get one tour where it's like greatest hits and then after that then no one's coming to see me again

01:11:11.920 you know it's gotta be every time you come to see me it's gonna be all new and i've got it worked out

01:11:16.000 i'm not around i'm not like messing around trying out stuff it's like here's the act and i've kind of

01:11:22.320 taught people but a lot of times you just go up there and hang out we've we've all seen you know famous

01:11:27.680 comics go and just do the hangout set and that's hell does that a lot i feel like you know and

01:11:32.640 that's it seems unpleasant to me i don't want to waste everybody's time yeah i under i totally

01:11:39.360 understand i don't want to waste everybody's time but i'll see like i went open for chris rock where

01:11:43.520 i would see chris rock at the store coming working on stuff and he would just for like an hour just

01:11:48.000 stand up on stage in the main room going like what else what else and i'm like i could never do that

01:11:52.560 right i could never just be sitting and the audience is wrapped they're like we love this we'll sit here

01:11:57.120 and watch you think all night i could never i would start sweating if i just like was like hmm

01:12:02.560 what else we like i don't write on stage for that reason i've got to have it down wow i write on stage

01:12:08.400 but i write like i'll be doing something that i know is working and it'll go a new little tributary

01:12:13.520 will start off of it and it's always that whatever that new thing is if it does well then it's locked in

01:12:21.920 it works good and do you record or do you remember it's like it kills so hard you're like okay i

01:12:26.800 record all the audio yeah and i'll listen back because sometimes you'll just get one new angle in

01:12:31.440 like the beginning of something you're like oh this is this is monumental um did you see those aliens

01:12:38.000 those mexican aliens the little tiny guy yeah yeah and would you think about it i didn't give a flying 1.00

01:12:44.800 fuck like space outer space i don't care at all really i'm glad people are working on it i'm glad 0.99

01:12:49.920 we're going to mars and all that shit like i go find out as much as you can about that star but i 0.99

01:12:54.000 don't give a shit like i've never seen a picture and been like oh wow wow that's what a black hole 0.98

01:12:58.640 looks like like i don't it's got nothing to do with me that like the aliens i was like i don't believe 0.99

01:13:02.800 it like yeah i know you're talking to the government right now but this would be a bigger deal

01:13:06.320 and if it was i still probably wouldn't care yeah like this is a this is legit little alien guy it's like so what

01:13:11.600 and it's like a mexican government which i'm not saying is not as legitimate as any other government

01:13:18.160 but i think it has a you know there's definitely more of like

01:13:22.640 people you know it's like what's going on here you know and they kind of did like a

01:13:25.920 they like pulled it out of like a they like moved open a box it was like a little bit of a crypt

01:13:31.280 like i think the whole thing seemed a little i don't i wonder if i care about ufos i i don't care

01:13:39.520 they could attack and i'm like i don't like wake me up when i'm dead like i just don't

01:13:44.880 it doesn't interest you think our government would let us know if they had been here or not

01:13:50.080 i don't i don't know if they i don't think they would do it to be like good but i also don't think

01:13:55.440 they would successfully cover it up you know like the government fucks up so much stuff that's why i

01:14:00.480 don't really believe in conspiracy theories because like they would fuck it up if they fake the moon 0.73

01:14:04.720 landing they would have fucked it up right someone would have someone would have like talked it would 0.99

01:14:09.120 have been a thing and i i'm gonna see so many comments now about like you're so dumb if you 0.97

01:14:12.800 don't believe i don't care i don't want to waste my time thinking about that yeah it's like when 0.50

01:14:18.240 crypto was a big thing it's like i don't care i i like money but i don't want to sit and think about

01:14:22.480 money i like to have it i don't want to look at the stock market i don't want to look at my crypto 0.80

01:14:26.720 things and see what's going if i got to buy the different coin now fuck that yeah i'm not a crazy 0.87

01:14:30.960 investor really a lot of times because i just like to know what i have i tell my business manager 0.97

01:14:35.360 like am i doing anything wrong am i doing anything stupid let me know otherwise like 0.55

01:14:39.280 just pay my taxes yeah and like and we're cool yeah dude i will think look at that nft market that 0.99

01:14:44.960 thing disappeared i mean what the fuck was that it sounded dumb from the jump i would say it sounded 0.97

01:14:50.160 dumb people be like you're you don't get it i'm like i think i do and now it's all like 0.96

01:14:54.240 everything's been proven right like it's all it's all gone yeah and i don't well why the board 0.99

01:14:59.760 eight was it wasn't good in the first place but you're going to spend billions on this thing it 0.85

01:15:03.840 was very very dumb and i think the person spending billions i think it's just one guy telling his

01:15:08.720 buddy hey let's write an article that say you spent a billion yeah and then we'll get everybody else to 1.00

01:15:14.640 buy bullshit yeah it's like the guy who said he spent a billion never even spent a fucking billion i 0.98

01:15:19.840 spent i think they spent five grand paying a website to make an article you know computer money isn't 0.99

01:15:25.200 real like i don't i don't believe that you have like a billion dollars in crypto that's the same as

01:15:29.040 having a billion dollars in real money yeah i don't buy it do you think you could have been

01:15:33.200 like i've been watching band of brothers have you been watching it i've watched it when it first

01:15:36.960 came out how good was it it's great do you remember when jimmy fallon shows up he's in it for like

01:15:42.960 five seconds it was clear it was like everyone in hollywood was getting into this and i think

01:15:47.120 fallon just left snl and it's like they're about to go it's the end of an episode like episode six or

01:15:52.000 something where like things are about to get bad like we we've got no backup it's just us we're each other's

01:15:56.880 brothers and all of a sudden they're like we don't even have guns and all of a sudden he's like hey

01:16:00.160 guys and they turn around and it's jimmy fallon in the uniform he's like immaculate and he's like

01:16:05.200 hey i found some guns for you and they're like really he's like yeah i'm just giving them out

01:16:09.040 and they like take the guns they're like thanks man he's like good luck guys and that's the end of

01:16:12.000 the episode it was like clear that he like wanted to be a part of it they were just like well we'll

01:16:15.680 work in a cameo somewhere let's give him something good okay he gives the guys guns at the end it was so

01:16:20.480 so hollywood cheese wow does it stand out so much from the episode yeah because no one else is

01:16:27.120 fucking famous you know you have you have like a couple guys who were like younger actors but then 0.86

01:16:30.800 it's like all of a sudden it's jimmy fucking fallon just post out snl you know it's hilarious to see 0.99

01:16:36.400 him in a world war ii situation wow i didn't even i might not be to the end of that episode yet i'm 0.91

01:16:40.320 watching this for the second time now um dude jimmy fallon when he first was doing touring he um

01:16:47.200 um before he got snl oh no before he got the tonight show he opened up for me in miami

01:16:56.080 they had him they were putting him on stage i guess to get his i mean i say opened up like he they

01:17:00.080 just put him in the middle like special guest spot right do as much as he wants the crowd was good he

01:17:04.080 do 20 if it was bad nobody knew he was there i didn't even know till i got there i go in the green

01:17:08.960 room and he's in there and uh and it was cool man it was cool and then the last night i think he just

01:17:15.360 kind of he was doing fine i think he just was uh getting kind of over it you know yeah it was a

01:17:21.200 sunday night show yeah doing guest sets like everyone's excited but it's like you just doing

01:17:25.120 i i totally i would get bored doing guest sets too i just couldn't believe it i was so scared to go in

01:17:29.840 the green room and then i didn't know what to say when i was in there green room gets small bro when

01:17:34.400 you were just learning about being a comedian and you're in there with the headliner because you don't 0.98

01:17:39.040 know and the headliners are fucking we're crazy we're crazy we're very specific in particular how 0.98

01:17:45.360 we're used to things yeah and some people like that's their whole that's the only time they have 0.98

01:17:49.440 any power they don't have power out on stage but like in the green they can be like get the 0.70

01:17:53.440 fucking get out of here with that cheeseburger you're like relax man but like now i know enough 0.97

01:17:57.600 like have you ever just had some random person walk in your green room yeah like put their jacket 0.99

01:18:01.280 down you're like and they walk out and you're like what and they're like no they shouldn't have done

01:18:04.080 that like oh i didn't know to tell someone like i once yelled at the comedy store's lawyer who was

01:18:08.960 like eating dinner in the in the green room i was like are you a comic and he's like no get the

01:18:12.000 fuck out of here and then someone comes back and like that's the lawyer like and i'm like well he 0.97

01:18:15.360 still he shouldn't be back here he sure the fuck shouldn't have been back there dude thankfully 0.99

01:18:19.280 he's in heaven now that guy passed away no he did but uh yeah but um but hey that's what he gets 0.99

01:18:26.240 for fucking eating in the green shouldn't come in my green room bro but you're not a comedian dude 0.99

01:18:30.960 bro when you cross the dark art the fucking last son of transylvania and you go to his green room 1.00

01:18:36.880 and eat you're in for trouble you're gonna die you got about a year to live do you think you could 0.99

01:18:41.440 have handled like the draft or something like that sometimes i feel like we need another war do you 0.99

01:18:45.920 think that's a crazy thought yes why because what the fuck did we get out of most of them you know

01:18:52.880 you can look at world war ii and be like okay like that was we were fighting for something but 0.90

01:18:56.960 now technology's gotten so crazy with uh with everything that i don't know if anyone

01:19:01.680 would do the draft i don't know would have the uh the you know the nationality to just be like

01:19:07.360 blindly follow the government they don't want to do that yeah if it was a real if we got attacked

01:19:12.080 i bet everyone signs up the next day but if it's just like hey uh we noticed something's going on 0.98

01:19:16.640 in north korea again like we're not doing that yeah get the fuck out of here bro i used to think i 0.91

01:19:21.360 would have just gone to the draft like my dad was in the military you know i have to certainly have 0.98

01:19:24.880 respect for it do i think i'd be a good soldier absolutely fucking not so it's like you would be 0.98

01:19:29.760 the worst yeah like i'm gonna i'm gonna i'm gonna drag the rest of the troops down let's head to 0.96

01:19:34.480 canada and do my part over there yeah that's what i i i think what i want is i want something to

01:19:41.520 unify people i want something that makes us feel i miss the days where i think when we all felt like

01:19:47.520 we were part of a country or it seemed to me like we felt like we were like i don't know how that all

01:19:53.360 that just i don't know if i felt like i was part of the gut if i was like if i love the government

01:20:00.160 really if i just love the idea of our country you know you know i'm saying like when you're a kid 0.98

01:20:05.440 like yeah i mean no if you love the government you're fucking dumb like if you like i get 0.99

01:20:10.080 loving the country if you're like this government the fucking irs is killer man i love them so much 1.00

01:20:15.040 if you love politicians like people were like oh like fuck the joe biden it's like okay i'm i'm down 1.00

01:20:20.080 fuck the president always if you're like fuck this guy the last guy was amazing like get the 1.00

01:20:23.920 fuck out of here every politician fucking sucks i would never do that with my life there's some i 1.00

01:20:29.440 like more than others but like politicians in general get the fuck out of here like why am i 1.00

01:20:33.760 supposed to like this one no they're all they're all politicians it's insane yeah i think well if you

01:20:39.520 ever i've always thought if you ever my mother always let us know if you ever think that the government

01:20:43.600 is going to do something for your life then that's not how it's gonna work probably i i'll

01:20:52.880 never get over the government saying every year pay your taxes figure it out pay your taxes and you

01:20:58.400 you try to do whatever math you have you send it to them and they go you got it wrong then 0.97

01:21:03.360 fucking tell me what it is send me a bill don't make me do these gymnastics and then tell me i'm wrong 0.98

01:21:08.240 like why are you making me do this and that's what i think about the government so passive aggressive 0.99

01:21:12.400 that's very passive aggressive of them and also you know there used to be a box you check it you 0.96

01:21:16.320 get from being blind right you get 1600 bucks right but you have to check the fucking box dude like how 0.99

01:21:22.800 do they even like i just don't understand there should be a box that you don't check if you're blind 0.98

01:21:30.320 yeah if you can see check this box if not you're going down and they don't even tell you what it's for

01:21:35.680 it just says if you can see check this box that would have been the best way to know if people are

01:21:40.240 blind you know what's always obsessed me about blind people and i used to try to turn this into

01:21:43.760 a joke i can never do it is you know like you know what braille is right the little dots they read

01:21:48.240 it's like think about how long it takes a blind person like let's say you lost your vision today

01:21:53.200 how long do you think it would take you to learn braille like one dots a two is b this is c like

01:21:58.720 i bet probably two months two months 60 days 62 days tops um and you know what maybe to be for

01:22:04.720 uh fluent i would say maybe six months six months okay how long then once you know how to read braille 0.87

01:22:11.520 does it take you to find braille oh yeah if you're blind you can read the shit out of it how do you 0.57

01:22:19.040 find it are you just always looking around like any bump you're just like oh thank i can read again 0.94

01:22:23.600 like you go to the bank and it's like on the atm but like how do you find the atm like i don't know

01:22:28.000 i don't know how they ever do it they should have made braille way bigger for blind people yeah they 1.00

01:22:32.640 should have made it huge they should have made it like speed bumps in a parking lot when you're

01:22:36.400 pulling in you can hear yeah run your finger over and it's like yeah your tires go over it and you

01:22:41.920 feel like oh it communicates to your car or something that communicates to you or you do it makes a sound 0.95

01:22:47.440 when you go over but yeah i mean the blind they've been fucking shunned by society for so long i feel 0.90

01:22:53.280 like or just you know nobody cared that much it's like yeah we'll give you this little series of people 0.83

01:22:57.920 don't trust blind people yeah oh no you don't trust deaf people you don't trust blind people you're 1.00

01:23:01.760 like i you can see a little bit you can see something yeah you can you can hear loud noises

01:23:07.360 you're just playing this up oh yeah i remember they had a dude in our town who um he was deaf

01:23:14.800 right and he was doing this and um people beat him up for doing bad magic you know they thought 0.55

01:23:21.440 he was doing like the evil eye kind of shit yeah just like this yeah and they thought he you know 0.96

01:23:26.400 never pulled out a quarter or anything and people fucking lit into him you know that's why you got to 0.99

01:23:31.360 carry a quarter oh no matter how deaf you are get that kid a quarter what's an ailment do you think 0.98

01:23:39.680 you could handle i mean i think you can handle whatever like right now i'm dealing with like

01:23:44.880 back issues where like my back sucks and i'm like seeing a chiropractor doing exercises like all this 0.56

01:23:49.520 stuff and i'm like i'm dealing with it like sometimes it's better than others but i'm dealing

01:23:52.720 with it that anything that you think when you get sick you get the flu and you're like you feel like

01:23:57.280 you've had the flu for your entire life and it's never going away and then one day you're like

01:24:00.400 uh the cough's gone like it's over that i think i could handle whatever there's not i wouldn't want

01:24:05.280 these things but if i lost a limb you know i think i could i could handle it i've always wanted to lose

01:24:10.640 an eye i would love to wear an eye patch i would love to have just one eye like a black leather eye

01:24:16.880 patch a cool one and that's my thing people say glass eyes the way to go i don't i disagree

01:24:21.120 eye patch if it's like the scar going down and the eye patch oh yeah coming out the bottom of it

01:24:26.960 you would be able to do that though i think there's a thing about being tall and handsome you get a you

01:24:31.520 get there's there's so much stuff you get to do that you don't realize that other people don't get 0.98

01:24:37.840 to do like a little guy with an eye patch is a fuck that guy terrible it's well it's just nobody's 0.98

01:24:44.640 gonna give a it's too much it's yeah it's too much pick one yeah be little do an ipad but don't 0.99

01:24:50.960 fucking come in here you know yeah yeah i think i always was fascinated i remember when i was a kid 0.82

01:24:58.640 i met a kid that had a stutter right this kid named douglas and i'd never heard it before and i was so 0.99

01:25:04.880 jealous i was like he sounds so unique like i want to be and i remember i would impersonate him a lot

01:25:11.760 right like i was in i mean i loved it and my teacher got mad at me and i was like no you don't

01:25:17.760 like i think it's cool i think it's cool awesome yeah like he sounds unique i'm as a kid i made fun

01:25:24.160 of someone with a stutter and the kid's mom was like don't do that if you if you make me draw attention 0.98

01:25:30.160 to it i'll have it forever but if you just don't mention it he'll stop and i was like oh why is this

01:25:34.880 my job wow like you guys deal with that at home in the real world we're talking about it

01:25:40.640 we're talking about that stutter dude i can't believe i tried to put that on you that's crazy

01:25:46.160 it's like i'm eight what a responsibility but that's what you get when you're tall dude when 0.95

01:25:49.200 you're tall people i feel like you get fucking put everything gets put on you i feel like when 0.99

01:25:53.840 you're tall how tall are you i'm just regular hiding i'm six foot okay and i was kind of tall 0.96

01:25:59.440 for a little while but everybody just i didn't it didn't play out and um and then but i the tall 0.79

01:26:07.280 kid always fucking remember when you got tall remember just like one four weeks you're like 0.97

01:26:12.320 and your neck was long and your fucking chin was like my neck always hurt like they were like three 0.99

01:26:17.840 years where i was always doing this like my neck it was like i'm growing i didn't know at the time 0.99

01:26:21.600 my neck just like it was always sore and i shot up like i was the tallest kid in my class like

01:26:25.840 immediately and then i just stopped so and i thought i was like i thought i was big and i was just tall

01:26:30.880 i wasn't big at all i was like a beanpole but people wanted to fight you yeah i was like oh the tall

01:26:35.760 guy i want to fight him i don't want him uh this 40 year old and you're like i'm 11 i'm seven yeah

01:26:40.640 i'm 11 yeah nine um what else do you think about like your career do you feel like did you feel like

01:26:49.600 success gave you a lot of the things you thought it would or were you surprised by any of that

01:26:54.560 i was surprised at how little i was able to enjoy it like i didn't want to be famous i wanted to be

01:26:58.960 known i wanted to be able to like comedians would know who i was you know you if you're a comic you

01:27:03.120 don't know who i am you're not a comic like right you wanted to be valid yes but i could walk into a

01:27:07.600 club and be like oh anthony you're here uh it's pretty powerful too isn't it when you think about

01:27:12.320 like that being able to happen oh yeah walking into like a green room like i just draw i go to

01:27:16.720 see doug stanhope and i'm like i want to go backstage and maybe they'll let me back and i walk back and

01:27:20.080 like oh hey oh yeah come on back in you're like oh that's cool it almost feels false doesn't it

01:27:25.440 or does it ever feel like that to you not that you don't deserve it to me there's no doubt but

01:27:29.840 even when people welcome me like i would go to the cop the uh comedy cellar sometimes like the

01:27:36.400 last ones they're like do you want to get up and i was like not me like i don't just get up you know

01:27:43.280 like i you know if colin quinn comes in you know or if somebody like a new you know like sure but

01:27:48.480 they're like i always say when it comes to that when like you want to drop in i'm like if you didn't

01:27:51.840 buy a ticket to see me you don't want to see me i'm not a good drop in because it's like you're here 0.97

01:27:57.840 to see whatever else and then it's like my dead baby bullshit for 15 minutes and they're just like 0.98

01:28:02.560 what the fuck and i'm like yeah you're right like i should i'm ruining your good time so it's like i 0.97

01:28:06.400 want people to know that i'm coming i'm not i'm not a good surprise um but i really hated 2013 was 0.98

01:28:13.360 when like the jesson like offensive was on the air i was like right after the roasts and everything i did

01:28:17.040 my first special where i would for that year i was famous then the show got canceled like i had a couple

01:28:22.080 years off tv and it was like it went away almost immediately where it was just like the temperature got

01:28:26.560 dialed down but i didn't like people looking at you and being like i know you from something

01:28:32.000 i don't know what it is but like i know you that i hated if it's like i love your comedy thank you so

01:28:37.440 much great i love that but just i've seen you on something i hated i really hated being famous you

01:28:43.440 know yeah i think it's uh it feels exhausting it feels like a whole nother life you have to live

01:28:51.120 yes it's like you're not just doing the one show you're doing shows all the time and you don't

01:28:55.520 know when it's happening like you're walking through the airport and you like get home when

01:28:59.200 you see someone's been following you around taking pictures and posting them all and you're like

01:29:02.000 this is just weird and it gets in your head i get people who wear sunglasses all the time

01:29:06.640 i get the i get the hat and like the disguise and just like i don't want to be out in public

01:29:10.400 like i stopped going to bars like it was just being around any drunk people was oh the drunk

01:29:14.560 is the worst yeah that's one thing i love about not drinking is just not having to deal with that

01:29:19.120 type of energy or like because it's already weird enough if somebody knows you but then i think if

01:29:25.040 they're wasted it makes you just kind of scared or this is too risky oh yeah and then they come they

01:29:29.200 want to come back it's like hey i just want to say i'm a huge fan like thank you and then like can i

01:29:32.480 get a picture yeah five minutes later like i just wanted to tell you this one joke you're like this is 0.81

01:29:36.720 my only yeah my sister's here yeah dude my fucking she loves you she wants to facetime you yeah and i get 0.97

01:29:42.480 it they're fans like it's cool but like you know they pay buy tickets but when they're drunk it is 0.99

01:29:47.600 really tough to deal with yeah one guy put me on the phone with his sister and she's fighting with

01:29:52.320 her husband like having a fist fight with her husband right in some house somewhere and i'm like

01:29:59.920 and the guy's like she loves you he's so drunk he doesn't realize i'm like a domestic dispute or

01:30:03.840 something he's like she loves you and i'm just like she's you know she's down two rounds to zero

01:30:11.760 against stanley right here you know i'll never do the video i'll never take the phone like if they

01:30:16.640 went like hey can i get a picture of course sign this like i've gotten to the airport today and 0.93

01:30:20.480 these like three guys with like a stack of shit and i'm just like it's easier just to do this real 0.98

01:30:24.240 quick and get out of here but i'm like this is all going on ebay this is dumb as shit but i'm 0.99

01:30:28.080 it's easier just to do it but i feel like we do a video for my friend who couldn't make it no 0.97

01:30:32.640 i'm not i'm not doing that were you bummed when the roast kind of went away did that bum you out

01:30:38.080 no i was i was uh i was happy to do three and then done perch for you yeah and i was i mean it

01:30:44.560 was all i wanted to do i was like building my act towards getting on that the trump roast was like

01:30:49.360 my big break my life was night and day after that then the sheen roast came like a couple months

01:30:53.920 later it wasn't that long and that was even bigger and that i felt insane pressure because i was like

01:30:59.120 well that was my big break and i those were jokes that i've been working on forever now i've got

01:31:03.120 four months this is my sophomore album that could tank and i didn't want it to seem like oh i got

01:31:07.520 lucky so that roast was so stressful and then it was like a year until the roseanne was my last one

01:31:13.520 and that was a letdown it wasn't that the same uh like hype to it that trump and sheen had yeah

01:31:18.400 like the next i'm right i showed the next weekend and like the ticket sales were just normal like it

01:31:22.880 wasn't like i didn't get the bump that i got after sheen and trump and i was like you know i don't

01:31:26.640 really want to do this anymore it's like it's just not fun telling the same kinds of jokes and i

01:31:31.440 didn't approach it like jeff ross who was just like jeff ross could do it forever right to anyone

01:31:35.840 no one's getting mad he's just perfect at it my thing was like to like darth vader like i was coming

01:31:41.440 to kill everyone there and it just i didn't want to do it again that people ask me every now and again

01:31:47.280 i'm like it would take it would take a lot it would it would have to be money because i just feel

01:31:51.280 like i've done it and i feel like i did it perfectly right to come back it just i feel the pressure you

01:31:56.400 know i feel the pressure to perform like the audience might be there to see me and they've loved my last

01:32:01.200 four hours but this fifth hour better measure up or i feel terrible so yeah it's just hype yeah and

01:32:06.880 i guess once you do something and doing it well then that's enough knowing when to not do something

01:32:11.680 anymore is important do you think comedy central how they mess up i mean they were they were the

01:32:16.880 only comedy network viacom fucked it up for everybody at a time when disney was buying marvel at a time

01:32:24.640 where disney was buying you know like warner brothers all this shit yeah viacom was just like enriching

01:32:29.120 themselves they weren't investing and then when streaming came along it just wiped them all out

01:32:33.600 but like mtv's gone and comedy central still technically around but it's like five people now

01:32:38.720 and they're not getting to stand up that maybe things come back a little bit but it was just

01:32:44.240 they and i've talked to many many people over there over the years about what happened but it is

01:32:48.800 crazy though like you were the comedy network you had comedy yeah i remember it took them forever to

01:32:54.960 get into like social they just didn't they were like so behind somehow so behind yeah just didn't

01:33:00.000 didn't really care that much didn't have to but they're figuring out now and they made some they

01:33:04.800 just didn't have they didn't have that good a pay like they only had a few shows that really crushed

01:33:09.680 it for them i think you know and they wouldn't pay to get three seasons was almost impossible even

01:33:14.560 two was like a stretch i mean look it's like snl you see the people who like didn't get s who like

01:33:20.240 auditioned for snl and didn't get her got fired after a year you know and their careers how amazing

01:33:24.480 it's been like a sarah silverman or something um that uh comedy central is the same way it's like

01:33:30.240 all these huge stars that like people think comedy central let them go it's like they couldn't afford

01:33:34.720 them yeah what john oliver's what i'm not john john oliver's making hbo versus what he made on

01:33:38.720 comedy central is insane uh stephen colbert you know had to leave at comedy central they just didn't

01:33:43.440 have the money there yeah schumer owed uh amy schumer owed them another season i think of her show i

01:33:49.120 don't know if she ended up doing it or not but i remember she had the what is this show called

01:33:53.520 inside amy schumer inside amy schumer i think they contractually had one more season

01:33:58.240 that she was supposed to do this because then she just blew up so much that she just didn't

01:34:03.040 and maybe they just did like a buyout of it or something i just remember she did it she did one

01:34:06.800 for paramount plus oh she did oh maybe that was it then yeah maybe that was it um

01:34:13.440 i was like i have friends who would like sign a deal get paid and then like hope the network

01:34:16.640 forgets about it oh yeah remember quibi oh yeah god i wish i had taken a deal from them 0.95

01:34:22.000 it's for this free money deal yeah they're like here's a hundred grand three weeks later we're

01:34:27.840 totally out of business like what's the best job you've ever had in terms of that like for me it was

01:34:33.040 uh judging roast battle where it was just like every night i go i show up oh like you're you're

01:34:38.400 they're they're paying you amazing and you don't have to prepare anything you just sit there and then

01:34:42.960 they do their bit and then you think of a joke and you say it and then it's everything that's great

01:34:46.720 and if you mess up they edit it out like it's so cool zero pressure paid paid uh a ton and uh and

01:34:53.280 just so much fun i love that that was yeah one of the best jobs i ever had actually was a comedy

01:34:58.000 central job it was called um reality bites back i watched i watched reality bites back uh amy had it

01:35:04.640 all on like dvd and we watched it so good show was so funny i can't believe it didn't like no one

01:35:10.560 watched it but it was it was great i can't believe they didn't start to re-air things that

01:35:15.040 they had that were great but i guess they don't have is that a fiscal maybe they have to re-rent it

01:35:20.000 from themselves i don't know how that works i think just no one watched it no one was watching

01:35:23.520 it if they would rerun it they were just like let's let's get rid of this but it had like schumers 0.88

01:35:27.680 on it uh uh tiffany haddish burke kreischer like if they put it out now it seemed like it would

01:35:32.800 do fine yeah you would think you know it's it's weird how comedy doesn't live that long

01:35:37.680 even if it is all like the stars of yesterday people just they'd rather watch you now but it's

01:35:43.200 like i can watch like uh summer heights high right have you ever seen that oh yeah and uh

01:35:49.280 and they don't it's still get it's still like so ridiculous it still gets me but it's like i mean

01:35:53.760 one of the best shows comedy central ever made was um strangers with candy and they never re-ran that

01:35:59.040 like ever you have to like you had to find it on i used to buy it on ebay i'd buy like a season

01:36:03.840 on ebay for someone who burned like the dvds that shit was amazing my favorite roast of all time

01:36:08.720 was the roast of chevy chase the one that was like a fiasco but it's like todd berry andy kindler 0.95

01:36:14.560 like mark marin of the roasters and it's so awesome but it tanked and they like comedy central

01:36:19.600 was just like we threw it away like you can't if you can find it on youtube go for it but we don't

01:36:23.600 have a copy of it we'll never rerun it and we just got rid of it that's crazy it seems like if you put

01:36:28.960 the roast of chevy chase on a network tv right now people would tune in like what do you think about

01:36:34.240 like our netflix specials like things we've done there's no physical media anymore like that can

01:36:40.080 all go away and you're left with like nothing and that's wild to me that a corporation who knows what

01:36:46.240 you get canceled for but they can just be like all your work is gone it's gone as if it never existed

01:36:51.840 there's nothing you can do nothing oh it's very scary i think you know i went to the last blockbuster

01:36:57.840 not long ago where's that it's in bend oregon yes and i have an ex-girlfriend that lives up there and

01:37:04.240 it's a beautiful town and uh and i went in there and you know what's fascinating the most fascinating

01:37:10.160 was how you used to see you saw so many titles you're over here it's like in bruges and here's like

01:37:17.840 you know uh daddy daycare or whatever you know here's like you know uh llama town or whatever and it's like

01:37:25.520 oh fuck i you don't know what to choose but you see so i mean you were here and then you were in 0.93

01:37:30.000 and you'd walk through you'd be like i oh i forgot about this movie this is great i've never seen this 0.99

01:37:34.880 but it was so different than when you go to a platform on your television and you see 10 titles

01:37:43.200 it was another it felt like you actually here's what it felt like i'm realizing it felt like you

01:37:48.240 actually had a choice in what you were choosing in the blockbuster right then as opposed to on the tv where

01:37:54.880 it feels like this is what you we're serving today even though that's not it you can go look for

01:37:59.200 stuff but it's just not it what it didn't register the same no and it's it's even annoying where

01:38:04.960 netflix i don't know they still do this but like if they know you're something's right up your alley

01:38:09.280 like they have all your algorithm whatever there was a movie that came out like a couple years ago

01:38:14.000 right before my like last special came out now so i was talking to netflix at the time

01:38:17.520 have you ever seen the night comes for us do you ever see the raid or the raid 2 it's kind of like

01:38:22.160 a martial like a super violent martial arts movie where people are just fighting with like machetes

01:38:25.760 and shit and it's awesome and i see it i'm like this is the best thing i've ever seen why wouldn't 0.73

01:38:31.280 netflix tell me hey good news we got this new movie for you and so they told me basically if they know 0.98

01:38:36.720 you're gonna see it if they know like this is right up your alley they won't put it on your screen

01:38:41.120 because they know you'll go look for it and they want you to find other things on your way to it

01:38:45.840 that's like you can't they know what you want but they're still gonna make you look for it and

01:38:50.640 that makes me crazy yeah it feels like privatized communism in a way does that make any sense

01:38:58.560 am i thinking of things wrong i mean it's a funny way to say it like i get what you mean it feels like

01:39:06.160 yeah it just because stuff like that it's like it's fine but in the end you're just i'm gonna

01:39:09.840 watch what you want me to watch and i won't be a soul and you know i'll just be

01:39:14.560 like i'll be a firefly but you'll own the gasoline or the match you know it's like i'll just never

01:39:25.440 i don't know stuff like that makes me feel kind of defeated sometimes it all makes me feel old i'm

01:39:30.480 just like i'm not really oh maybe it's just an older thought of it huh i don't know i put could be

01:39:35.440 because we're in the industry so we kind of understand and the way there's the way netflix is secretive

01:39:40.560 pisses me off then again listen i love netflix i'm glad i have the specials on there uh but yeah

01:39:46.720 it's annoying that they're just like they won't you don't know how good something did it can tell 0.96

01:39:50.480 you they can say trending not trending you have no fucking clue they'll be like it's doing great 0.84

01:39:54.560 like i remember my last special they were like in the first week this many people watched it yeah 0.95

01:39:58.960 and i was like that's great give me something to compare it to i don't that that number means nothing

01:40:04.400 to me unless you say ali wong got this in two weeks you know what i mean like i don't understand

01:40:08.880 what any of the any of the stuff they say and they could tell you hey most of your people watch

01:40:13.360 you in chicago most people do that like that way you know where to tour and they won't tell you like

01:40:17.280 they don't give you anything and then they'll be like we know i'm like well no one's ever quit

01:40:22.240 and just like let me tell you what what happened like i would love to go like undercover boss

01:40:26.640 to netflix and just look up my shit and then peace out well youtube is interesting too because it's 0.64

01:40:31.200 like you can't even talk to someone in the system like they took down an episode that we had and 0.65

01:40:37.200 we couldn't even you communicate kind of with like this medium but there's no way to email you

01:40:42.880 don't even know who's in the like who the levels the boss you don't even know who's making the choice

01:40:49.600 it's like really yes it's this ambient sort of you don't know because like i've got a social media

01:40:58.960 team you know they're great but they're like we know we got we have a guy at instagram we'll get

01:41:02.960 you verified like right now we have a guy at tiktok we talked to when because all my 0.54

01:41:06.800 shit gets taken down all the time and like no it should be okay because of this but they have

01:41:10.320 someone to deal with that i can't believe youtube doesn't have that with all the i mean there's so 0.96

01:41:14.480 much money coming through youtube i know that i can't believe mr beast doesn't have a guy's number

01:41:19.520 i don't i bet now maybe at that level you do you know but yeah maybe at our level we don't we have a

01:41:25.200 contact there but it's not there's never like you just get the verdict from the contact and that's the

01:41:30.240 verdict it's very like ancient rome it feels like you know what was the reason they took it down

01:41:36.880 oh roseanne had a joke she said i remember this yeah that the holocaust never happened right and

01:41:42.640 she was being satirical right and you know she's also get it you know i think

01:41:49.280 they didn't think she was so they didn't want to hear it you know and so they said that it gets taken

01:41:54.880 down and um and nobody said anything at first and then there's like some of these like baiters

01:42:01.280 online they put the clip out and they're like what about you know and that's when it built up stuff

01:42:06.240 but the only way we can communicate it kind of is through our we have a contact there that works with

01:42:09.920 youtube but they never there's never able to have a discussion that's the strange part yeah and that's

01:42:15.360 where i think you start to feel you know like you aren't being heard or you don't have somebody to

01:42:23.280 communicate with i mean i stopped doing that with comedy where i used to be like here's why this

01:42:27.440 joke is okay you know i mean like i know it's a thing it's about domestic violence but if you look

01:42:31.280 at the wording no one's getting hit in this joke this is joke is like referencing it but it's for

01:42:35.680 tension and it's always a losing battle i'd be arguing with censors or something and and now i just 0.83

01:42:40.240 if you i can't do it i can't do it fuck it i'm not going to change it but i'll just get rid of it 0.99

01:42:44.240 because i'm not going to sit here and have the argument of why this is okay and now i just hope that 0.99

01:42:47.840 people understand like i've got you know a lot of topics that i talk about that would get people in

01:42:52.320 trouble but i've i've gotten away with it i don't know if it's reputation or people just know now

01:42:56.080 that no he did it in the the right way he got away with it but like it goes back to what you're

01:43:00.800 saying there's a way to get away like what'd you say in the beginning you said art is getting away

01:43:06.400 with it yeah yeah i think there was something about get it yeah i wanted to for me it was always i

01:43:16.240 wanted to say what i wanted to say let me suffer the consequences you know but i want to say this

01:43:23.920 was that the most trouble you've ever gotten was the roseanne thing have you ever had like a on social

01:43:28.400 media yeah yeah and then all the like different sites said stuff about it and i never replied any

01:43:33.360 of it and within 48 hours yeah completely gone i'm asking rogan about that once it was like remember

01:43:39.360 when joe rogan was like i think i'd vote for bernie sanders and the fucking internet went crazy for 0.94

01:43:44.240 like a week because it's like a guy said he was gonna vote for and i was like how'd you handle

01:43:47.440 that because i turned my phone off and hung out with my kids for a couple days and then i turn it

01:43:51.840 on and everything's fine i'm like well it's such a healthy way to do it it's like this is happening

01:43:54.880 it's not real just turn it off and and uh come back yeah it's not really real that's what it seemed 0.93

01:43:59.520 like yeah when you're younger it seems real when you're younger you're like oh i fucked up this is over 0.92

01:44:04.320 now because i had some of those earlier on and now you're like it's fine oh yeah i remember

01:44:08.960 taking pills after something bad happened one time i thought i was gonna die i thought my life was over

01:44:14.640 thought about moving back you know i thought everything was done um i still that still makes

01:44:19.520 you mad what happened to bernie remember when they just his own party kind of railroaded him

01:44:22.720 you know with bernie or with bernie sanders it was like just the fact that he would have a chance

01:44:27.680 to run against i don't remember who i don't know if it was obama's second term and he was gonna try

01:44:33.440 and run against him that must have been it i don't know if he ran he ran against obama's second term

01:44:37.840 but i know he ran against hillary he ran the first time right he was trying to run against hillary

01:44:42.720 and he didn't get the nominate like a lot of people thought oh he'll get the a chance to go

01:44:46.960 against hillary to see who gets it and his party just kind of said no yeah it was like i don't get

01:44:52.880 the politics of it of like hey let's all just back this person why don't you just vote for what you

01:44:56.640 want and then see how it plays out yeah not like let's talk beforehand it's i wish that you know in

01:45:01.520 congress they would one bill at a time like you can't just be like here's a bill to try to get

01:45:06.000 student aid and also homeless people it's like yeah do one at a time and do what makes sense it's all 0.52

01:45:11.520 it's all totally fucked and maybe it has to be that way i don't know that's the thing i don't know 0.81

01:45:15.280 sometimes too it's like i don't know if that's just how the business it you know it's like it's too much 0.99

01:45:19.280 for me to know sometimes like do you ever see i watch a documentary like what are the happiest

01:45:23.360 countries in the world oh yeah with uh rain wilson was in it no i don't know if i i didn't watch that much

01:45:28.640 of it to see who but they had said the happiest country was like i want to say denmark it was

01:45:33.280 somewhere in scandinavia where they all live in like com like like communal buildings and they

01:45:38.640 eat their meals together and everyone's happy and the least happy is japan because they're just like 1.00

01:45:43.440 they work their asses off and the only break they get is when they throw themselves in front of a 0.99

01:45:48.000 bullet train or some but it's fucking it seems brutal just the culture of it that maybe that's what 0.99

01:45:53.600 you know american government has to be i don't know what government is killing it out there 1.00

01:45:58.080 the government's like our system is so dope like it's all it's great we kill it that's the thing 0.64

01:46:02.640 it's like you start to wonder is this just house capitalism tails off like is this how america kind

01:46:08.880 of starts to tail off where everything where big corporations seem like they own everything and own

01:46:13.600 all of our attention span and then at some point somebody you know too many cities get like there's

01:46:19.680 too much crime and the scale tips and society starts to fucking the fabric comes apart i think i mean

01:46:25.600 being you know almost 45 years old now i feel like it's just a pendulum pendulum it just it's

01:46:30.080 like okay we're gonna get obama and then it's just gonna get real racist and then we're gonna get

01:46:33.840 like another and then it's gonna like you're just gonna get progressive and then swing back yeah like

01:46:39.120 trump is a direct response to obama you know that that i think it's just gonna keep going back and

01:46:44.240 forth like that yeah i think that's one thing i mean we had robert kennedy was on here and he's trying

01:46:48.960 that he's a he's a democrat and he's um trying to i think he's gonna run as an independent now

01:46:55.360 and you almost because you always heard that the independent if they get a certain number of votes

01:46:59.360 and they get a share of the pool the money pool did you ever hear that no like there's like an

01:47:03.840 advertised like there's a amount of money they can budget that is divided up between the two parties but

01:47:10.000 if a third one gets five percent i think then they get part of the pool as well like before the runoff

01:47:17.440 like if there's a i don't know i'm sounding like a just a guy in a fucking bar but if um i would love 0.93

01:47:24.880 to see there be a third opera like i would just love for there to see something change up the status 0.62

01:47:29.600 quo yeah yeah i have an extra choice like the you know tell us what your things are and we'll figure

01:47:34.800 out which one it is but it's i don't know it feels like they got us so cornered though when there's only

01:47:39.280 you know it just starts to feel like everything there's so many strings going on in the distance of

01:47:45.280 everything you know yeah it's like it's not really a choice right it's like we need somebody to come

01:47:49.200 through with the scissors man you always come through with the scissors man with your comedy

01:47:52.320 dude i just want to thank you for being so entertaining man and and um thanks for just

01:47:56.880 sitting and chatting with me man yeah i'm happy this worked out we were in town at the same time

01:48:00.160 it was fun to finally be on the podcast yeah man and to get to chat well you and i've never really

01:48:03.760 talked that much before this is the longest we've ever talked for sure it is cool man thanks anthony

01:48:07.760 thanks for having me now i'm just floating on the breeze and i feel i'm falling like these leaves i

01:48:16.080 must be cornerstone oh but when i reach that ground i'll share this peace of mind i found i can feel it

This Past Weekend with Theo Von - October 10, 2023

E466 Anthony Jeselnik

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