This Past Weekend with Theo Von

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00:01:00.020 I've got some new tour dates to announce. Excited to say we will be going to the Australia.

00:01:07.800 And that is going to be Auckland, New Zealand. And that's February 23rd. Gold Coast in the Australia.

00:01:16.460 On February 29th, Brisbane in the Australia. March 2nd, Melbourne on March 5th. And Sydney in March 8th.

00:01:28.060 Both of those in the Australia. Pre-sale starts Thursday, December 14th at 10 a.m. local time.

00:01:36.600 Over there, with code RATKING, general on sale begins Friday, December 15th at 10 a.m. local time.

00:01:45.460 We also have tickets remaining for Charlottesville, VA, Raleigh, North Carolina, Columbia, South

00:01:51.640 Carolina State College, PA, Syracuse, NY, and Amherst. And we will also be looking to add some

00:01:58.540 shows over there in, um, in you know where the Australia are. Um, all tickets are available

00:02:05.120 at TheoVaughn.com slash T-O-U-R. Also, if the tickets get overpriced, just wait. Don't go,

00:02:13.360 don't waste your money on these, uh, secondary sites. We will, um, we'll add a date or we'll

00:02:19.840 come back. And, uh, just, just thankful, grateful to get to, uh, bring the show and, and have people

00:02:27.260 see it, man. I can't even believe it. And, um, thank you guys for being a part of this journey

00:02:31.500 with me. Praise God, baby gang. Today's guest is a, an artist. Uh, she's a tattoo artist. She

00:02:38.980 is a, um, musician and she's a unique witty, a unique person in the world. Uh, she's a Christian

00:02:49.340 and she's just had quite a journey in life as we all have. Uh, we're grateful to sit

00:02:56.720 down with her today. Um, today's guest is my friend, Ms. Kat Von D.

00:03:02.880 I'm on stage.

00:03:24.260 To go to the grocery store.

00:03:35.800 Those are the go. Do you want to pull the mic up? Are you okay with that? That's okay.

00:03:39.260 You're going to the grocery store in those? No, I don't go to the grocery store. Ikea.

00:03:43.960 I can't even, I mean, maybe like on Neptune or something. I feel like, I don't know how

00:03:49.100 I wonder if they would even, if I were at the grocery, I don't know if I would let you

00:03:52.640 in. I think it almost looks like you're shopping. Uh, we don't have to wear glasses

00:03:57.220 by the way. No, we can take them off. I just, I know that you, yeah, you walked in with these

00:04:01.380 and I was like, wow. Yeah. I feel like that was virtual reality before they had kind of

00:04:06.420 virtual reality, I guess. Well, yeah. Cause the like glasses, like if you have dark glasses,

00:04:11.340 I feel like then, yeah, the reality was kind of virtual. Cause it almost seems like when you

00:04:15.780 have glasses on, like that the world is a little bit separate from you. Yeah. I mean, when

00:04:19.860 I walk around with these, I, I can like stare at people and they don't really, I don't feel

00:04:24.380 bad about it cause I can't see it. I don't know. Yeah. Cause they're skiing by you probably.

00:04:28.440 I would assume that's probably why. Um, no, but you always look so stylish. And so that's

00:04:34.460 why I wore this nice jacket. It's nice. Thank you. Yeah. Um, but yeah, we can take them

00:04:38.440 off if that's okay with you. Yeah. Sure. Yeah. And they look really neat. Um, yeah. Thanks

00:04:46.100 for coming in. Thanks for having me. Yeah. It's a pleasure. It's really, really cool.

00:04:50.380 Um, I've known about you for a long time. Sorry if I seem a little bit rattled. I ended

00:04:54.660 up watching a movie that really yesterday. Oh yeah. Yeah. I was watching, uh, well it's

00:04:59.120 holiday time, you know, so I was watching, um, family man. That's my favorite Christmas

00:05:02.820 movie. Okay. Have you seen it? No, really? No. My, my son's on a home alone kick right

00:05:08.500 now. So yeah, he really loves Harry and Marv. Like, yeah, like to hear his little voice

00:05:14.980 say like, I love Marv. I'm just like, this is the cutest thing ever. Yeah. I mean,

00:05:19.880 it also shows he might be lightly be considering crime. I think because Marv, they're the wet

00:05:24.880 bandits, right? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I think it's the Tom and Jerry situation where

00:05:29.680 he like laughs at somebody falling, you know? Oh yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I was watching that sequence

00:05:35.100 the other day and there was, it's so funny when he sets the little race cars and then I just

00:05:39.500 love how they, they don't get deterred though. They keep trying to get into the house and do

00:05:43.280 the dumbest stuff. Yeah. I wonder if people like Harry or Marv more. Huh? I don't, I

00:05:49.960 don't know. Harry was the lovable one. Yeah. That's Daniel Stern right there. He was kind

00:05:54.200 of the, I'm a huge Joe Pesci fan. So you are, yeah, I think like my cousin Vinny is one

00:05:58.940 of my favorite. My cousin Vinny, it feels like is my life currently. Oh really? Yeah. Because

00:06:04.300 my husband and I, I mean, my husband doesn't look like Joe Pesci, but he dresses like him

00:06:08.320 in that movie, like with the cowboy boots and like the black leather. Oh yeah. Like

00:06:12.700 an Uber driver in Tulsa kind of? I don't know. But we, we ended up, um, Oh, there's your husband

00:06:18.260 and kid right there. Yeah. Hot or so handsome. Thanks. But we ended up moving to Indiana in

00:06:22.940 the middle of nowhere and it just, uh, it's kind of like weirdly fish out of water, but

00:06:27.640 not really. Like we really, I really do feel like we belong there. Yeah. But yeah. So I

00:06:31.520 always think about, um, my cousin Vinny's center scenario. Yeah. Cause he was kind of

00:06:36.520 in a rural area, wasn't he? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That movie was good. Yeah. I like

00:06:40.760 Family Man. Do you have a favorite Christmas movie? I don't think so. Uh, I mean like Nightmare

00:06:47.340 Before Christmas, I guess that's kind of the token goth Christmas movie. I don't know.

00:06:52.280 It's true. Yeah. Yeah. I think after, uh, what's that movie that, what was that? What's the

00:06:57.380 thing that all the goth people do in town? I used to go to it sometimes. Rocky Horror

00:07:01.200 Picture Show. Oh yeah. Yeah. Uh huh. Or is that a goth thing or is that not? No. I think

00:07:05.180 it's like a, uh, theater kid thing. I don't know. That's what it is. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

00:07:09.380 Sometimes like the goth kids would always get, get kind of grouped in with that. Yeah. Like

00:07:13.340 I remember people would drive by them sometimes and be like, yeah, have fun at Rocky Horror Picture

00:07:17.280 Show. And they'd be like, what? So maybe that's just. No one's yelled that at me

00:07:21.180 before. Um, yeah. Did you see Macaulay Culkin was just on the news yesterday.

00:07:27.380 He got a star. He got a star. Yeah. I don't know why that made me so happy. Like, yeah,

00:07:32.460 I don't know why it took that long, I guess. He's like the most like iconic child actor,

00:07:39.100 right? Yeah. If you think about it. Oh yeah. I think so. Yeah. You know, I try not to think

00:07:43.500 about children much that, you know, cause if I don't just for, you know, checks and balances

00:07:48.440 and all, but yeah, I love, yeah, he was the best. It was interesting. Kind of listen. Did

00:07:52.600 you see a speech that he made? No, but I saw Catherine O'Hara was there and I love that. That

00:07:57.200 support. Yeah. So cool. Yeah. It was really sweet. Yeah. I wonder, I think of that a lot

00:08:01.880 about like childhood actors, like how, can you play it real quick? You can find it on

00:08:06.520 Twitter. It was kind of interesting just because of growing up in Los Angeles. It seems really

00:08:12.720 scary place or the entertainment industry seems like a really uncomfortable place to grow up

00:08:19.440 in. Um, but yeah, thanks for coming in. Um, Kat Von D really nice to see you today. Yeah. And so

00:08:26.800 I'll just so for some of my viewers that don't know, right. So I know that you are, uh, uh, artist

00:08:34.120 and a tattoo artist and an entrepreneur and, um, you started, or people would know you a lot from,

00:08:41.720 uh, LA Inc and from a lot of your tattoo work and, uh, and that whole universe, right? Is that fair to

00:08:48.600 say? Sure. Yeah. I think a lot of people know me from the tattoo world and the tattoo TV shows that

00:08:53.640 I used to be on and stuff. And then I've done a lot of things along the way and yeah. Nice. And so

00:08:59.440 now you've moved out of Los Angeles, right? Recently. Yeah. Yeah. How long did you move out?

00:09:03.840 Well, I bought a house about two, two or three years ago, um, in, in the middle of nowhere in

00:09:10.100 Indiana. Um, and it was really about the house. I mean, it was about a lot of things. It was,

00:09:16.700 there's a lot of reasons behind making such an extreme move, but I love restoring old Victorian

00:09:22.000 houses. And, um, in LA, I used to have a house that was built in 1890 and this one was built in 1874.

00:09:28.180 So it's a second empire style Victorian home. And, uh, it was operating as a bed and breakfast for,

00:09:34.040 for I think a few decades. And, um, my husband and I went all like the lockdown stuff started

00:09:40.800 happening in California. We just saw a lot of, a different facet to, to, to where we called home

00:09:48.200 and we just didn't feel connected anymore. We didn't really want to be there anymore. And, uh,

00:09:52.920 and so we, uh, looked up rural, rural towns in different States. And I feel like, um, no one

00:10:01.600 knows where this town is. Even my friends in Indiana have like never heard of it. And so that

00:10:05.280 was a really good sign. And we were like, let's, let's, let's find a place where we can be kind

00:10:08.680 of left alone. And we went there and we loved it. And, um, people say it's haunted, but I haven't

00:10:13.880 experienced that. Um, yeah.

00:10:16.020 Well, it's haunted by you now. It sounds like, because if it wasn't hard, I feel like it kind

00:10:20.820 of like now it's got its chance, you know, because, but also 1874, that is so crazy, especially

00:10:28.880 in Indiana. Indiana, I think had a lot of like, I don't know if they had like slave stuff up

00:10:34.620 there.

00:10:34.940 Well, actually like, um, so our house was built by Benjamin Franklin Shank and he was, uh,

00:10:40.080 the hay maker of the town. So his family, um, made hay and they also owned a lot of the

00:10:46.400 steamboats and, um, it's called Switzerland County because a lot of the original settlers

00:10:51.080 were from Switzerland. And what's really cool about, um, the, the Shank family is that there's

00:10:57.940 actually underground tunnels that connected through underneath our house. So they were pretty

00:11:01.980 big advocates for, uh, helping out.

00:11:04.260 Yeah.

00:11:04.580 Oh, wow.

00:11:05.440 Yeah, it's pretty cool.

00:11:06.160 So the underground railroad stopped there.

00:11:07.960 Yeah.

00:11:08.300 That's cool.

00:11:09.300 Yeah.

00:11:09.580 Wow. Yeah. I think I could see you being in a place that the underground railroad had

00:11:13.280 stopped through and kind of Hogwarts probably passed through it. Like it's definitely a

00:11:16.780 thorough, you know, I just getting pigeonholed right now. I love it. I love it. It's good.

00:11:22.120 The only way I know how to like accept things in the world is to pigeonhole them, I think.

00:11:27.760 So was it tough choosing? Cause that sounds like almost so much fun. Like once you guys made

00:11:33.280 that decision, was it hard to make that decision to leave Los Angeles or?

00:11:36.660 No.

00:11:37.200 Yeah.

00:11:37.400 Yeah. We, I, yeah, it was almost overnight too. We were just like, we got to get out of

00:11:41.100 here. And, um, and you know, we have a son too. And I think like a little bit of what

00:11:44.720 you were talking about before, um, just there's pros and cons to everywhere you live. You know,

00:11:50.380 I think like LA has some really beautiful things about it. I love my friends. I love the,

00:11:54.440 I think LA has the best food, um, in this country to be honest, but, um, it's just my own opinion.

00:11:59.960 Yeah. Um, and you know, I like the pretty things. I think there's like nice, like where I'm at,

00:12:07.700 there's no sidewalks. Like we just have like a lot of dirt roads and that. So, um, we don't,

00:12:13.100 there's no billboards, there's no, um, Uber, nothing, no delivery services. We have like

00:12:18.640 one stoplight and a gas station and it's, I don't know. I, I prefer the, the latter, you

00:12:25.660 know?

00:12:25.960 Yeah.

00:12:26.240 Um, but I go to LA a lot because we still have like, I make music. My husband is a musician

00:12:30.660 as well. So we fly back out a lot. All of our producer friends and stuff are there.

00:12:34.620 Oh, nice.

00:12:35.140 Yeah.

00:12:35.720 Yeah. I, uh, I, when you say of how it was interesting, like once you made the choice

00:12:40.380 kind of, that was kind of the same for me. Like I've been living in Los Angeles for maybe

00:12:44.760 16 years, I think. And so I still have my apartment there. Right. Just because it's cheaper

00:12:50.200 than going and even getting a hotel for when I do go back.

00:12:52.920 Yeah. Yeah. Totally. Um,

00:12:54.140 I know I, when I go out there now, I stay with, with Charo. She's my best friend and

00:12:58.480 she, um, she's nice enough to give us like a little room in the back of her house. And

00:13:03.660 yeah, it's, it's, I, I look forward to it. I feel like, um, being able to see my friends

00:13:08.780 and stuff, but, uh, but I also look forward to kind of escaping and just, um, you know,

00:13:13.380 having like a safe haven.

00:13:14.620 Yeah.

00:13:15.100 Yeah.

00:13:15.740 Yeah. That's exactly what I thought. And once I made the decision, there was actually a,

00:13:20.580 uh, a friend that said, you should move to Nashville. And I was like, I, that's so weird.

00:13:25.500 And I talked to a friend of mine about it, an old friend of mine. And he's like, dude,

00:13:28.680 you used to talk about that when we lived in Nashville. Yeah. He's like, when we lived together,

00:13:33.160 they used to talk about that all the time. I was like, really? I don't remember it, but I was like,

00:13:37.660 yeah. And so then I came here and before I knew what I had moved and I was like, oh my gosh,

00:13:43.780 I always thought it was so scary to be able to leave Los Angeles for some reason. Yeah.

00:13:47.980 You know, there, it's like, there's something you're letting go of or giving up on kind of,

00:13:53.020 but it's only been kind of like a gift, I think, you know? Yeah. Are you, do you mean because of

00:13:58.380 like the entertainment industry or something or? I think, you know, that maybe that's it. I think,

00:14:03.340 you know, I don't know. I don't know. There's nothing really. I, I, I kind of decided there's

00:14:07.260 nothing really that I want out of Hollywood really, which I think is why I, um, I'm grateful that

00:14:12.840 there is a thing called that you can do, do podcasting. Yeah. You can do your own stuff

00:14:17.260 and you can do standup comedy where you don't really have to have a, uh, Hollywood involved

00:14:22.780 really, you know, these days. Yeah. Um, so what did you ask me? I'm sorry, Kat. I don't know.

00:14:29.260 I don't think I asked you anything. Oh, damn. That's where I live right there. A lot of times

00:14:34.540 like people were like, yeah, sometimes I'll be talking. People were like, dude, who are you

00:14:38.380 talking to? Did you ask me something? They're like, nah, dude. They're like, I'm just, I don't

00:14:43.860 even know you. And I'm like, all right. And I'm just going to go get my car and leave. Um,

00:14:48.840 but I think, but no, it was interesting. Oh, just moving and making that choice and suddenly

00:14:52.200 being somewhere. Yeah. Did you guys look at, cause you seem like a real, you know, like

00:14:57.800 you seem like you go to some realms on Zillow that'll, the rest of us aren't allowed into.

00:15:01.960 True. Yeah. Like, I feel like you probably have gotten some passwords. Well, it's funny

00:15:08.360 because I do, I like my real estate lady in LA, like would always laugh. Cause I'm just

00:15:12.520 like, Hey, let me know if anything interesting or obscure comes up and it would be like just

00:15:17.300 some of the weirdest, uh, like I know all the castles in LA. There's not that many, but,

00:15:22.880 um, and I used to live in one, but, um, yeah, just interesting. Yeah, you're right. There

00:15:28.880 are some, Oh yeah. I think definitely if there's a bit, you know, anything that's had a missing

00:15:32.460 person in it or just like a, you know, they've a found femur maybe. I mean, one time I saw

00:15:38.020 like the Unabomber had his little shack in was Oklahoma, right? Yeah. He had Oklahoma

00:15:43.180 city. That was, that was for sale. And I was like, who, who would, it was in the middle

00:15:46.740 of the forest. Like I saw that one for sale once. Like who would buy that? And then you

00:15:50.680 like send it to your husband. Like, what do you think, babe? I mean, but yeah, people,

00:15:56.340 some stuff is collector's items. It's, you know, but yeah, you guys, it's interesting

00:16:00.640 because like, I, like I always say like, you know, your idea of a good time is my idea of

00:16:05.560 a nightmare, you know, and vice versa. And I feel like you look at these, these houses

00:16:10.820 that, um, to me, I love the historical aspect and preserving things of the past. I like the

00:16:16.360 human fingerprint of, um, of art in general. Like I, you know, I have friends that are into

00:16:21.440 like the complete opposite and they love the modern stuff or, you know, or even 1950s or

00:16:27.440 art deco. Some of that stuff, it's cool. But to me, I feel like I just, I want every corner

00:16:33.820 to feel like somebody dedicated their lifetime to it, you know? And so I appreciate that a

00:16:39.300 lot. And, um, and I like conserving that and, um, and restoring it. So, but then some

00:16:45.060 people would look at it and be like, let's tear it down and just, you know.

00:16:47.620 Yeah. I think that happens a lot. Yeah. You seem like somebody that would have like crown

00:16:51.580 molding in the top of their mouth probably. Yeah. You know, like you seem definitely like

00:16:57.260 you just are really ornate or I don't know if ornate is the word. Yeah. Ornate's a wonderful

00:17:01.540 word. Yeah. Yeah. And yeah, I'm not trying to judge it, but I'm just judging you out loud

00:17:05.380 and clearly. That's funny. I never thought about that. Yeah. I always like to page it. I put

00:17:10.980 people in like little spaces that makes it feel man. I don't know if it makes it feel

00:17:14.560 manageable. I never thought about that before. I like it. I mean, it's to me, it, it makes

00:17:18.780 life a lot simple, more simple because I don't know, like I only wear black. I know it's just,

00:17:25.640 it's a choice. I just like it. And I remember the day that it happened. Like I had these

00:17:30.860 beautiful dresses that I had accumulated over the years that I just, they were really

00:17:34.400 colorful. And I was like, I'm just never going to wear them. Why? Like, why am I kidding

00:17:38.000 myself? And I just gave everything away and just kept, I simplified everything. And now I just,

00:17:43.640 I just wear black and it's, I've pigeonholed myself into this, uh, gothy corner, I guess.

00:17:50.880 Yeah. But that's, that's, I like to wear black when I do standup comedy because I don't like to

00:17:56.160 make a lot of choices. Like even this today for me was making, it took, this took a long time to

00:18:01.100 figure out. And, and, um, yeah. And I just don't, I don't know. I don't like making a lot of choices.

00:18:07.560 Um, but yeah, did you, did you guys look at some other places when you were looking for your home?

00:18:12.300 Um. Cause 1870, I mean, that's an old place. Yeah, it is. Uh, we, we were looking at different

00:18:18.680 states and, um, and I think, I think Indiana was appealing to me because I saw like the mass

00:18:24.640 exodus of California happening and everybody was moving to Texas and Nashville. And, um, I don't know

00:18:31.280 what the other places were that they were. I think those, those two are kind of some Nevada,

00:18:35.160 I guess. Yeah. And I just wanted to get away from as much as I could from the California

00:18:40.060 mentality in general. So I was like, Indiana seems safe. Like no one's going there.

00:18:48.220 But yeah. Wow. And then, and, and I like like our little town is, it's cool because it's right

00:18:55.440 on the Ohio river. And so the houses along the river are like the prettiest, you know, cause

00:19:00.960 they're, I don't know, I guess. Yeah. Cause you gotta have money to live by the water. Yeah.

00:19:04.860 Usually. And then it's like, then we have like our little main street and it's just like

00:19:08.560 our, our downtown or whatever is literally one block long. And then in between that and

00:19:14.920 where my house is on, on the Hill, it's kind of like houses that could use a lot of love,

00:19:21.000 you know? And I just felt like it, no one's going to move here. You know, like if like,

00:19:27.120 okay. So you're from in California, you know, like Silver Lake and Echo Park. I was around when

00:19:32.440 that was just super ghetto. Like, you know, nobody in their right mind would move there.

00:19:36.580 It's like, it was actually quite dangerous in some areas. And now it's like, good luck

00:19:41.960 finding a tiny place for less than $1.2 million, you know? And so I feel like I've bought myself

00:19:48.420 a lot of time finding a place that's not going to get changed. Yeah. Like I don't want,

00:19:54.220 you know. Yeah. Yeah. You don't want, uh, yeah. You wanted to get as far away from that

00:20:00.000 as possible. Yeah. Interesting. Yeah. What were some scary parts about moving into a house

00:20:04.900 that old? Like what are things that people do not think about, I guess? Um, cause that's

00:20:08.460 old, bro. That's like, that's only, I mean, that's, that's pretty old. I mean, 1874 that

00:20:16.180 you can't even really get much older. I don't think that would before that. I feel like not in

00:20:19.400 America. I feel like there are some houses from the late 1700s, I guess, but I don't

00:20:25.660 know. When did people start using wood to build houses? Cause at some point we evolved

00:20:31.080 probably from, it's a regional thing really. Cause you know, like on the East coast, you

00:20:37.200 don't have earthquakes, so you can have a lot more bricks. Oh, it's true. Yeah. So what's

00:20:43.260 the most popular piece of, uh, house building material? Well, it's expensive.

00:20:49.380 Now just cause of inflation and everything. Oh yeah. These days, dang, you gotta, oh,

00:20:54.480 it is thought the first wooden structure was built over 10,000 years ago. Europe's Neolithic

00:20:59.120 longhouse constructed in around 5,000 to 6,000 BC. And it is an example of the earliest

00:21:03.380 freestanding timber dwellings. Huh? So wow. 5,000, 6,000 BC. So that's like almost 8,000 years

00:21:11.060 ago. Yeah. Wow. But I guess it makes sense to, if you're standing around and you're cold or

00:21:16.700 something and they got a lot of sticks around, if you don't do something, you're an idiot.

00:21:22.940 I think no offense to whoever that guy is, you know, but you gotta like, you gotta figure

00:21:28.040 it out, dude. There's only so long you can just go like this, you know, before you try

00:21:33.220 to change the game, you know? Um, oh, and the most common building material in the world

00:21:37.740 is concrete. Wow. Is the most widely used, uh, is the most widely used building material in the

00:21:43.560 world, making it a good starting material to get to know. Um, what did you guys have to do to the

00:21:49.440 home when you got there? Uh, we're, we're actually still renovating it right now. So, so actually

00:21:53.760 we, we, we don't live in it yet because it's, um, there's just so much work having to redo a house

00:22:00.980 like that. Um, so we live actually at our church's parsonage. So, um, the pastor from our church

00:22:08.320 lives in Louisville. And so he, him and his wife will, they drive up every Sunday. So they were

00:22:14.860 like, Hey, you know, there's just no place to rent out there. Like there's literally no, like

00:22:18.980 people, people live there forever and then they pass it down or sell or whatever. So, um, when we

00:22:24.680 first moved out here, we're like, man, where are we going to live? And then they were just so nice

00:22:27.520 enough to let us stay there. Oh, that's nice to them. Yeah. Yeah. So you were in a place where

00:22:31.360 there's like not even a really a real estate market. Yeah. If you say there's no Ubers, like

00:22:35.020 yeah. Yeah. I was in a town recently and I couldn't get an Uber at night. It was like,

00:22:38.980 it was like, what is kind of a busy, but it was like, I guess everywhere doesn't really have it.

00:22:42.480 Yeah. No, no, not, not where we're at. Yeah. Um, what have been some neat things about being out

00:22:47.620 there? Like in this that, um, well, I homeschool my son. And so it's, I like that, um, Indiana has,

00:22:55.160 um, they're very supportive. Like the state of Indiana is very supportive to homeschool families

00:22:59.380 and stuff. So that was a very big selling point for us. And why is it hard to do? Is there like

00:23:03.940 a lot of regulation? Some, some States in different places have different. Yeah. So I'm, to me,

00:23:08.900 I'm like the less government, the better. So I was like, you know, that's, that's one of the perks

00:23:13.040 of the state of Indiana. And so, um, so yeah, like I, my, my son just turned five, um, last week. So

00:23:19.700 we're, you know, getting ready to start like, uh, first grade. Yeah. I know. It's so cool.

00:23:26.900 Wow. And so do you like have to redesign the room for like the learning room or whatever

00:23:32.540 each year to make the grade seem different or? Um, I don't, I mean, right now he's like,

00:23:36.780 we're not doing crazy curriculum cause he's just turned five. So, um, but once we get into

00:23:42.900 the house, I do plan on having like a little schoolroom area, but that's the cool thing about

00:23:47.040 homeschooling is that you can teach anywhere really. Um, I feel like the idea of putting

00:23:52.960 your kid in a, you know, like a, uh, like a school or a classroom setting. It's, I think

00:24:00.820 that's kind of, people are tending to steer away from that in, in a lot of places. So.

00:24:05.160 Yeah. Well, it feels, some of it starts to feel dangerous too. It seems like there's a

00:24:09.020 lot of violence in school in schools. It seems really like, but I don't know, maybe that's

00:24:14.480 just like the algorithm, like for some reason sends me those videos sometimes, but it seems

00:24:18.560 like there's like a lot of violence in schools, but I don't know. It's one of the reasons

00:24:23.020 why I chose to live in Tennessee. It's very safe or in Nashville. It's very safe here.

00:24:26.520 Yeah. It's super safe. Yeah. And, um, yeah, but I don't go to school anymore, so I don't

00:24:33.280 know what it's like.

00:24:34.400 Yeah. Same. I didn't go to, I didn't go to school.

00:24:36.680 You didn't?

00:24:37.120 I, I started tattooing when I was 14 years old and then I, I remember the first time

00:24:41.900 I ever did a tattoo, I'm like, this is what I want to do. Like I already, I just knew it

00:24:45.440 in my heart. And so I was like, why would I spend so much time in school when I don't

00:24:51.420 need to, you know?

00:24:52.380 Yeah.

00:24:52.660 Not that I would condone people dropping out or anything like that, but it worked for

00:24:55.660 me. And I, Oh, people will do it without you condoning.

00:24:58.000 I know a lot of people are just don't like it or they're not even smart and they don't

00:25:02.520 like it. Um, do you, your family started in your family? Cause you were, you're from

00:25:08.960 another country. Your family's from another country.

00:25:11.700 Yeah. So my family's from South America, from Argentina and I was born in Mexico. And

00:25:15.200 then I moved here in the 80s.

00:25:16.820 What were they doing there?

00:25:18.000 My dad was a missionary for the church. So they were, he's like long line of, um, like

00:25:23.940 missionary doctors. And so he was building, um, hospitals and like little pueblitos that

00:25:29.260 didn't have any hospitals. And, um, and then my, my, me and my siblings were born there.

00:25:33.740 So it was, it was pretty cool upbringing. I loved it. Yeah. Um, we, we came from nothing,

00:25:38.520 like literally nothing.

00:25:39.820 Really?

00:25:40.360 Yeah. We had like dirt floors and no running water and it was like truly third world, but

00:25:45.320 wow, it's cool. And you're from Nicaragua.

00:25:47.360 My father's, my father's from there. My father, my grand, my father's, my grandfather, I guess

00:25:53.040 was a missionary.

00:25:54.180 Oh really?

00:25:54.660 Yeah. And they were down in, in Nicaragua and that's where my dad was born.

00:25:59.260 Cause that's where my grandfather, I guess, met his wife or something. And then that's

00:26:03.900 where my dad was born at. Um, and so he grew up there. He used to tell me stories about kids

00:26:09.320 in his village that would, that would eat dirt actually. And they didn't have anything to

00:26:13.800 eat and they would eat dirt and their stomachs would get like all distended and stuff.

00:26:17.120 Like he would tell me some kind of crazy stories, but, um, but yeah, that's interesting.

00:26:22.280 Yeah. That, that, that they were missionaries down there as well. And then, so then your family

00:26:26.620 moved up to America.

00:26:27.680 Yeah. Yeah. We came up through Texas and then moved to a little town in Southern California

00:26:32.620 called Loma Linda.

00:26:33.740 When you say came up through, what are we talking about?

00:26:35.760 I won't say anything.

00:26:36.120 Like driving.

00:26:37.120 Okay.

00:26:37.480 We just drove through. I, I was still, I didn't have my papers yet. Cause I was like underage.

00:26:44.340 Okay. I was going to say if the D stands for deportation.

00:26:48.200 No, I wasn't through, like I wasn't in the trunk or anything like that.

00:26:51.320 Okay. Cool.

00:26:52.400 It would have been so you to be in the trunk though. I feel like, like just like in some

00:26:56.460 mysterious compartment.

00:26:57.600 It's the reason I look like this now.

00:27:00.640 You're like, this is the closest thing I can find to a coffin.

00:27:05.080 Hey, this coffin's got a tire in it.

00:27:07.940 Uh, that's funny.

00:27:10.020 Yeah.

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00:29:20.020 that much easier. Were your parents, what were your parents like? Did you guys have a fun family

00:29:26.060 growing up? What was it like? Yeah. I mean, it was pretty modest upbringings, you know,

00:29:31.360 um, went to church a bunch. We didn't have a lot of money, but my dad and mom, they had a piano. And so

00:29:37.820 all of us were trained, like classically trained in piano since I was five. And so I've always loved

00:29:42.960 music. Music has always been like my biggest passion. I like, I like classical music because

00:29:47.500 that's what I was kind of brought up on. But, um, but now I make like more electronic, like

00:29:51.900 synth wave eighties style music. Oh, sweet. Yeah. Um, my childhood was good. I have two siblings

00:29:58.320 who I don't talk to anymore. They actually live in this state here. Really? Yeah. You don't talk

00:30:02.360 to them? Uh-uh. No way. And no interest in it. Really? Yeah. Wow. Wish them well though. But yeah.

00:30:08.600 Yeah. I have one that we barely kind of, we don't really talk much anymore. It's weird

00:30:13.760 kind of, huh? Yeah. It's strange. Yeah. Family's funny, you know, but yeah. I think it's interesting

00:30:20.280 because it feels like a lot of responsibility, but it also feels like the only people that

00:30:24.680 maybe will have a lot of the same ins like that shared some common information, I guess

00:30:30.160 shared like some common experiences. Yeah. I don't know. I think it's interesting to, yeah,

00:30:33.800 I think a family is something you really have to build and has to be put together pretty well

00:30:37.260 by the, by the parents a lot of times. Yeah. I mean, I can watch a movie and I see like

00:30:41.240 people who are close to their moms or their siblings and, and I can understand it, but I

00:30:46.480 can't really relate as much. And I probably will sound a little bit cold, but I just feel

00:30:52.200 that there's, you, you feel a sense of obligation because you're related to somebody by blood.

00:30:56.580 But I think it's kind of the opposite where like, or what you said, where you have to work

00:31:01.120 at it if you really want it to, you know, be a good relationship, like any relationship,

00:31:05.040 you know? Yeah. But I look at my husband's family and like, they're just so cool and

00:31:08.880 so warm and welcoming and just like, like, I'm like, Oh, I didn't have, I don't, I don't

00:31:13.460 have that. That's okay. You know? Was it just, uh, yeah. Cause I think about family stuff

00:31:18.900 a lot, you know, I think about that kind of stuff and like, how does it affect you as

00:31:22.320 you get older and stuff? Yeah. Um, I'm really close with my dad and I'm trying to talk him

00:31:26.400 into moving out with us. So. Oh really? Yeah. That would be my dream is if my dad could

00:31:30.320 like live on the same land with us. Does he have a cool Spanish name or, uh, or, uh,

00:31:37.740 or like, like his real name, Central American name or no, his name's Renee. Oh, Renee. It's

00:31:42.620 like a painter, uh, Renee Carlos. Yeah. Oh yeah. He's in dude. Yeah. Oh, I'll buy it. Look,

00:31:48.020 I'll buy a 28 by 12 from him. You know, it's a unique shape for art, but I'll take it. Yeah.

00:31:55.640 Renee Carlos. Yeah. Oh, for sure. That's beautiful. Yeah. Yeah. I think if you're

00:32:00.320 Spanish, you can have kind of a little bit of a woman's name and it lets you slide

00:32:03.400 more. Yeah. I feel like there's probably a lot of Italian Renee's, right? Yeah. Yeah.

00:32:07.800 For sure. Yeah. Yeah. They definitely get away with being a little bit more of a woman

00:32:12.260 in the name, you know? My dad's like the opposite of that. He looks like a 1950s, like

00:32:17.100 boxer. Oh, he does? Yeah. Dude. Yeah. Cause if I was like, yeah, this is my buddy Sarah right

00:32:23.320 here. A lot of dudes wouldn't, people wouldn't be as accepting. I don't think in America.

00:32:27.340 Yeah. Um, so your life now, so you moved out to Indiana, you lived there. Oh, one neat

00:32:32.880 thing I saw on your Instagram was you have this pretty crazy tulip garden. Oh yeah. Did

00:32:36.260 you grow it yet? So, yeah. So I got, um, there's like this plot of land right in front of my

00:32:41.800 house. So people know where I live. Like once, once like they found out that I bought the property

00:32:46.540 was in the news and stuff. And so, and also like the Shank mansion is kind of like famous on

00:32:50.560 its own because of like all the supposed haunting. I, I haven't seen anything, you know,

00:32:55.080 but what do you know? I'm just thinking of what it's going to be like when the ghosts

00:32:59.680 show up over there. I just, you know, I've never seen a ghost and I'm not saying that

00:33:02.980 I have tons of friends that are, have like solid, you know, they're stable people and

00:33:08.260 they have seen things and experienced things. I just personally haven't. So it's hard for

00:33:12.120 me to, you know, I don't know.

00:33:14.780 You don't believe in ghosts you think?

00:33:16.140 Well, I don't know if I necessarily don't believe in it. I think like I just haven't experienced

00:33:19.660 anything. And also I've lived in old houses. So like they make noises all the time.

00:33:23.920 And I think that a lot of people want to like experience it. So they like, that's

00:33:28.400 why they have like haunted tours and things like that. But I don't know. I just feel

00:33:32.440 like I haven't seen it, but yeah, people want there to be somebody else. Like I think

00:33:37.340 some people are lonely too. And so they want a ghost to be around.

00:33:40.780 Like there was this, like these two guys that like when I bought the house, cause I

00:33:46.220 Googled the house to see if there's anything that came up. And on YouTube, there was like

00:33:49.660 a, like a house tour that these guys did. They like rented out the bed and breakfast,

00:33:53.220 but I don't know if they told them they were, they were going to film. And they were just

00:33:56.480 like kind of dressed. I don't want to say goth, but like just older gentlemen. And, um,

00:34:02.680 they were just like really wanting to catch some paranormal activity. And it's so bad.

00:34:06.760 Like there was, it was like dust in the air and they're like, did you see the orb? You

00:34:10.340 know? And it's like, there's no, there's nothing there, you know? But, uh, but I, I don't

00:34:13.840 know. I haven't, I haven't experienced anything there, but the Shank mansion, there it is.

00:34:18.480 Yeah. Yep.

00:34:19.740 The house was restored in 2000 and operated in a bed and breakfast was listed in the

00:34:22.240 National Register of Historic Places in 2002.

00:34:24.680 Oh, look, it says that I bought it.

00:34:27.400 Yep. So.

00:34:29.020 That's cool.

00:34:29.760 Yeah.

00:34:30.080 Oh, so back to the tulip thing. So, so there's this plot of land that's right in, like right

00:34:35.060 outside our gate. And, um, and it's just, it's just grass. And the lady who sold me the

00:34:39.600 house, she owns it, my friend Lisa. And, um, so I, I hit Lisa up and I was like, Hey, look,

00:34:44.040 I got a bunch of tulips and, um, I thought it would be cool just to, just to bring something

00:34:49.540 to the community, you know, just have, cause people are coming here to take pictures anyway.

00:34:52.720 So why not? I give them something like really cool to look at. And so I got 10,000 black

00:34:58.020 tulips and I thought like, this is going to be an enormous, like just a field of black tulips.

00:35:05.760 Yeah. VTM, bro.

00:35:06.620 10,000 is a lot. And then we did the math and the square footage. It's like, it's not that

00:35:11.300 big. Like I feel like it's maybe twice the size of this room. 10,000 of them. Oh, that's

00:35:17.320 all it makes. Yeah. Because you plant them about three, three to four inches apart. So

00:35:22.580 I feel like, I guess they don't want to be far away from each other. Yeah. So we'll

00:35:26.620 see. Plants that were a little bit more like spread out. Yeah. Or just like, they're cool

00:35:31.380 with kind of doing their own thing. I mean, apparently tulips are kind of like, I guess

00:35:36.220 they're, I guess they get lonesome or whatever or, you know, whatever it's called. I don't

00:35:40.540 know what the, what that would be like as a flower. Like what? Yeah. So we'll see.

00:35:44.400 We'll see. We have like, um, you know, wildlife out there and everybody in my Instagram was

00:35:51.180 like, you know, be careful cause the squirrels are going to eat, they're going to dig them

00:35:53.820 up or the moles. So we're hoping that by the time spring comes, they don't eat all of them.

00:35:58.640 But dude, if you had an only fans of you just fighting moles, I would, I think a lot of

00:36:04.900 people would subscribe to it. I mean, I think you get a lot of the hunting audience, you know?

00:36:08.560 How do you fight a mole though?

00:36:12.340 I don't know. That's up to you, I think, but I think it would just be pretty fascinating

00:36:15.980 to watch. Um, is it, do you feel different being out of LA? What does that kind of feel

00:36:22.220 like? Does it feel like, were you kind of done with entertainment? I mean, you've had a,

00:36:27.540 you've had a neat career and at least gotten to experience, you know, certain things, you

00:36:31.940 know, like that's, that's one thing about having a different opportunity. Sometimes at least

00:36:35.660 you get to experience what it's like, whether you, whether it was great or you didn't like

00:36:40.240 it, you get experience, you know?

00:36:41.580 Yeah. I mean, I'm still, I haven't retired yet. So, I mean, I feel like, um, like you

00:36:46.580 said, you know, the, the beauty of being able to create and do things that you don't necessarily

00:36:50.440 have to be in LA anymore. And so I think before you used to, I feel like you had to live in

00:36:54.840 LA if you needed to, if you wanted to do things, but, um, but now it's like, I mean, I make music

00:36:59.680 so I can do that from my house. I don't need to, or I could fly in and record or I don't

00:37:04.740 necessarily have to live in Hollywood anymore.

00:37:07.160 Yeah. That's nice.

00:37:08.080 Yeah. Yeah. Um, what else can we think about? Um, so like, did you know that in the state

00:37:17.200 of Indiana, like you're not, it's illegal to, to own a squirrel? Um, I found this out

00:37:23.800 because my, my son found like a little, a little baby squirrel that had fallen out of

00:37:27.940 a tree and it happens a lot. Like squirrels fall out of trees and stuff. And, um, and this

00:37:33.900 one was like barely breathing and really dehydrated. And I used to work at the California wildlife

00:37:38.280 center and back in, in California. And so like rehabilitating squirrels is pretty easy.

00:37:43.200 It's not, it's not like a, you know, like a, an owl or something.

00:37:48.620 Like, do you need two hands to do it? You can do it with one hand. You probably need

00:37:51.340 two hands to do it, huh?

00:37:52.900 Yeah, two. Cause you have to like feed them with this little like syringe thing.

00:37:56.200 Okay.

00:37:56.580 But, um, so we rehabilitated it. My son named him Lucky. He's like the cutest thing ever.

00:38:01.140 And then I, um, I, I got baptized and then I got like a, a bunch of criticism about this

00:38:08.220 baptism video. So I had to make this, I didn't have to, but I was inspired to make a video

00:38:12.060 like calling out like judgmental Christians or whatever. And, uh, and in that video, Lucky

00:38:17.820 is just like, just like flying behind me. He's just like running around and somebody saw

00:38:23.520 him and reported me to the animal control. And they, they showed up like the guy showed

00:38:30.020 up with like a gun and everything was like, Hey, do you, do you have, do you guys have a

00:38:33.860 squirrel? Like we, you know, you can't have one. So we're going to have to take it.

00:38:36.880 And I'm like, they put him in cuffs. No, no, but they, I, so I asked the guy, I was

00:38:44.840 like, are you going to euthanize him? Because I know that's what you guys do. What are you

00:38:47.640 going to, you're not going to house him. And they're like, yeah, it's going to get euthanized.

00:38:51.820 Are you kidding me?

00:38:54.180 So they took him out of a warm home?

00:38:55.960 No, of course they didn't take him.

00:38:57.180 Oh, you kept him.

00:38:57.820 I lied and I told them I'm going to release him the next day.

00:39:00.520 Oh, cool.

00:39:01.040 And then we made like a little Instagram video like.

00:39:03.220 Of him leaving?

00:39:03.960 Yeah.

00:39:04.480 Yeah.

00:39:05.100 We don't have to tell anybody if he came back or not.

00:39:07.080 Yeah.

00:39:08.480 You got it.

00:39:09.240 Lucky lives elsewhere.

00:39:11.600 Wow.

00:39:12.100 Dude, that's incredible.

00:39:13.300 Like who would do that?

00:39:14.520 That's crazy.

00:39:15.420 It's so, so cruel.

00:39:16.140 Well, it's just also the, just the weird, like how legislation is so obtuse from like,

00:39:22.940 like there's no intricacies a lot of times with like laws and rules, you know, it's just

00:39:28.420 for this general thing.

00:39:29.900 And so it's, and they don't have any room to bend a lot of these guys who come to,

00:39:33.620 you know, it's like, they're just trying to do the, whatever the, the, no, I was just

00:39:36.900 more confused by who, who in their right mind would be like, oh, let me go and report.

00:39:42.340 Yeah.

00:39:42.860 Yeah.

00:39:43.680 A baby squirrel.

00:39:44.860 Yeah.

00:39:46.400 Yeah.

00:39:47.680 I would feel so perverted even reporting it.

00:39:50.360 Yeah.

00:39:50.760 Or I would just be like, Hey, uh, imagine that call.

00:39:54.060 Like, Hey, I'm not trying to be a snitch or whatever, like a branch or whatever.

00:39:59.460 Yeah.

00:40:00.240 But, uh, there's a cat on D is a squirrel.

00:40:08.500 Dude, they should, if the, you know, they released that body cam footage, they have to

00:40:11.860 release that call, that call.

00:40:14.340 You should remix a beat to that call.

00:40:16.080 And that you should make.

00:40:17.700 I wish they did have body cam footage.

00:40:19.240 One of the best house songs ever.

00:40:23.180 Get money to the squirrel.

00:40:24.640 Get money to the squirrel.

00:40:25.420 Well, the best was like my, it was my husband that opened the door and he was like topless

00:40:29.180 with like, and he's like fully tattooed with the squirrel on his shoulder.

00:40:34.020 Oh, well then that didn't help.

00:40:35.440 Yeah.

00:40:35.720 Yeah.

00:40:35.940 People are like, people are trying to get this, they're trying to get this animal and

00:40:39.700 a, uh, M squirrel 13 over here.

00:40:42.420 Like there, there's not as bad stuff's going on out here.

00:40:47.900 Um, yeah.

00:40:48.940 So what, how did your journey go to like, I don't know if I want to call it a journey,

00:40:52.540 but like, what was like, what like role has religion like played in your life and stuff?

00:40:56.880 Because, um, you know, I think it's, we're at a time in the world, I think it just in,

00:41:01.400 I think we're always at a time in the world, but I think we're, it feels like a lot of people

00:41:05.280 are looking for something that makes sense more.

00:41:08.740 I feel like we're getting exhausted by the truth that a lot of the things that we feel

00:41:15.600 like will make us feel good, aren't doing it, you know?

00:41:18.940 Um, I feel like that a lot of times, but, um, yeah.

00:41:22.740 What, what, what has some of that experience been like?

00:41:24.840 I mean, if you got baptized, they really, how, what kind of, uh, and was it like, uh, what

00:41:30.500 are they doing in?

00:41:31.240 What are they baptizing in water?

00:41:33.880 Oh yeah.

00:41:34.820 Yeah.

00:41:36.080 Good.

00:41:36.580 Huh?

00:41:38.940 Oh, here's your video right here.

00:41:40.840 Oh, yeah.

00:41:43.940 Oh, it's pretty there.

00:41:45.080 Huh?

00:41:45.300 Yeah.

00:41:45.720 Oh, congratulations.

00:42:04.920 I still get teary eyed when I see that.

00:42:09.460 That's cool.

00:42:10.060 It's powerful.

00:42:11.420 Yeah.

00:42:12.080 Yeah.

00:42:12.360 How, what is that like in your life?

00:42:14.940 Yeah.

00:42:15.640 Um, what's it like?

00:42:17.980 Or how do you get there?

00:42:18.780 Like, how do you get, cause I think a lot of people are lost.

00:42:21.540 I feel lost a lot of times, you know?

00:42:23.320 I think a lot of us feel that way.

00:42:24.840 And so how do you feel like you solved, like you're lost?

00:42:28.980 Um, well, I mean, or is that even a fair question?

00:42:31.660 I don't know.

00:42:32.020 Yeah, I know.

00:42:32.620 I get what you're saying.

00:42:34.040 I was brought up with, um, Christianity in, in my childhood and then I strayed.

00:42:41.120 And, uh, so like in a nutshell, I just kind of in the last five years have like made my

00:42:45.300 way back and have a, a different understanding than maybe when I was a kid.

00:42:50.120 Cause I think when you're a kid, you're like, or at least for me, it was like, we just go

00:42:53.300 to church cause that's what we have to do.

00:42:55.220 And, um, you know, I don't, I didn't have actual profound questions that I, I want answered

00:43:03.820 like I do now.

00:43:04.740 And so I think as an adult, you get to have a different understanding of that.

00:43:09.340 And so that, that's kind of what, you know, how I, I, in a weird artsy way, just kind

00:43:14.840 of came back.

00:43:15.800 And I just, the last five years have just been studying the Bible and, um, and now like at

00:43:22.040 this church, like we have our women's Bible study and stuff that I, that I tend.

00:43:25.420 And, um, and I just have a meeting you go to, right.

00:43:27.960 I watched another podcast that you were on.

00:43:29.940 Oh yeah.

00:43:30.460 Yeah.

00:43:30.940 Oh yeah.

00:43:31.460 Um, um, I heard you talk about it anyway, that you guys have a Bible study each week.

00:43:34.480 Yeah.

00:43:35.120 Yeah.

00:43:36.040 Um, and you know, I think I'm, I'm going to always have questions and continue to want

00:43:40.720 to learn and have deeper understandings of things.

00:43:44.360 And so, but I, in that podcast that you probably watched, like I talk about like a little bit

00:43:50.000 what you, you said, it's like, we're trying to find meaning or, um, want to feel again,

00:43:54.920 you know, and I think there's a lot of temporary fixes or, you know, um, like, you know, I used

00:44:00.500 to like, I was an addict and I, you know, I'm so, I'll have, I'll have a 17 years sober

00:44:05.200 in July.

00:44:06.420 And so, you know, I think, I feel like those are all things that kind of like lead you in

00:44:09.960 that, in that direction.

00:44:10.900 And yeah, I think, you know, it's such an intimate and personal thing.

00:44:16.920 Like my relationship with God is my own.

00:44:19.720 And, um, and I, I've never really felt like I belonged anywhere.

00:44:23.660 Um, like, especially now, I think like being public with my faith, um, puts you into like

00:44:33.660 this microscopic, um, critical tank, you know?

00:44:38.360 And so I get criticized from, from all sides now, which I don't care.

00:44:43.060 Cause at the end of the day, I, I'm, you know, my relationships with, with God, not you, but

00:44:47.540 right.

00:44:48.440 But it is interesting.

00:44:49.520 I feel like now it's just becomes funny.

00:44:51.620 Like some of the comments I get, I think cause people have a hard time understanding the

00:44:55.580 aesthetic and pairing that with something, which is.

00:44:59.440 Your aesthetic, you mean?

00:45:00.260 Yeah.

00:45:00.580 Right.

00:45:00.840 The ambiance of you and then compare, and then pairing it.

00:45:03.140 And Christianity.

00:45:04.140 And it's so silly to me.

00:45:05.180 And like, I don't understand how people don't see how, um, close-minded that is, you know?

00:45:09.420 And how like, yeah.

00:45:11.500 Why would you think that you have to look a certain way to, to have an understanding of the

00:45:15.460 Bible, you know?

00:45:16.660 Yeah.

00:45:17.040 Or, you know?

00:45:17.880 So, yeah, I, that's a good point too.

00:45:20.260 I think it's all, well, a lot of that, there's a lot of interest in stuff there, you know?

00:45:24.040 Yeah.

00:45:24.220 Like, like I do, but I, you know, so.

00:45:26.440 I mean, there's a lot to think about in all of this.

00:45:28.180 Yeah, for sure.

00:45:28.900 You know?

00:45:29.420 Like one time I went to like a Jordan Peterson, um, uh, lecture and my husband and I were

00:45:35.480 like the only people that looked like us there.

00:45:37.920 Um, but I was.

00:45:39.420 Black people, you mean?

00:45:40.140 What?

00:45:40.600 You mean black people?

00:45:42.040 No.

00:45:42.400 We just, I just like.

00:45:47.880 And I don't want to diss on like Jordan's fan base, but I feel like they're, everybody

00:45:52.260 had their own uniform, you know?

00:45:54.340 Like there was just rows of people in front of me and they all kind of dressed the same.

00:45:58.760 Really?

00:45:59.140 Yeah.

00:45:59.360 And I was like, man, for some, for people, and I'm not, again, not judging or criticizing,

00:46:03.740 but you would think that like free, free thinkers would, or maybe they just don't care.

00:46:09.560 I don't know.

00:46:10.240 Or maybe there's just only so many stores too, where you can, I mean, I feel like you, it's

00:46:14.420 a lot of Johnson and guys who like are sad.

00:46:16.880 Like, I don't know.

00:46:18.180 I'm a Jordan Peterson fan, but I'm like, I think it's a lot of like, there's, you know,

00:46:22.900 it's a lot of, uh, lost boys, but who have an, uh, who can, uh, comprehend well or well

00:46:31.940 enough, you know?

00:46:32.880 Cause otherwise lost boys who can't comprehend, they kind of, you know, they listen to maybe,

00:46:37.880 um, Hoobastank or whatever, you know?

00:46:40.140 But I think if you get, or, uh, or, Hey, Hey, come out and fight.

00:46:46.480 Remember that song?

00:46:47.260 You gotta keep them separated.

00:46:49.080 Oh yeah.

00:46:49.480 Yeah.

00:46:49.640 Uh huh.

00:46:50.940 Offspring?

00:46:51.600 Offspring.

00:46:52.180 Yeah.

00:46:52.860 Dude.

00:46:53.240 Yeah.

00:46:53.620 So a lot of like, yeah, if you are a lost boy who can't communicate as well as you'd like

00:46:59.440 to sometimes, and this is a judgment, but you probably have owned an offspring album.

00:47:04.380 And then if you are a different version, then it's sometimes Jordan Peterson.

00:47:08.280 Yeah.

00:47:08.380 Um, but yeah, I could not imagine seeing, it would be like playing Where's Waldo if

00:47:12.640 I saw you at a Jordan Peterson concert.

00:47:18.320 So that's interesting, but that's awesome that you guys went and you found like that,

00:47:22.440 that what the.

00:47:23.300 Oh, so I, so my, my, my whole point was just that I feel like, uh, maybe we pigeonhole ourselves,

00:47:29.200 right?

00:47:29.640 Like, I feel like everybody kind of like, uh, I went to this, like, so the church I go to

00:47:36.380 is like a really small church and it's, it's, there's not enough people to have a, a running

00:47:41.820 trend or anything like that.

00:47:43.520 But when I went to like a big church in California recently, I looked around and it's like a lot

00:47:47.260 of people have the same, same style.

00:47:48.840 And so I realized that maybe because, um, like modern day Christians are so used to being

00:47:55.520 surrounded by people that look the same as them.

00:47:58.280 When someone like, like me comes into the mix, it's like, Oh wait, this is demonic.

00:48:04.100 Or this is cause I get called demonic a lot.

00:48:06.880 Or, um, or this is like, you know, you're serving two masters.

00:48:10.320 And I'm like, I, I don't think any of that is accurate.

00:48:13.440 You know, I, I don't think you have to, there's no dress code to, to be a Christian.

00:48:17.340 Yeah.

00:48:17.820 There's like, um, Oh, that's baffling to me.

00:48:20.400 Yeah.

00:48:20.760 But I get it a lot.

00:48:21.740 Like I just recently posted this, the, like my last post was just, uh, I thought it was

00:48:26.760 like a very cool, like modest image of me, like in a, in a dress and some funny shoes.

00:48:33.860 And I just, Oh, the comments are just hilarious.

00:48:36.800 It's just people like Satan's going to bring you home and just things.

00:48:40.060 That's crazy.

00:48:42.160 Yeah.

00:48:42.420 I, I guess there's all levels of everything.

00:48:45.100 Like, even if you get into like the Christian, like if you like, I thought I was going to

00:48:48.600 get hate from my existing fans, you know, like just people who are like, feel like you could

00:48:54.160 be a deserter or something, or maybe people that are fans of yours that, uh, aren't, don't

00:48:58.740 have a religion or aren't Christians or something that they would have a thought about it.

00:49:02.060 And no, they've been super loving and open-minded and I love that, you know, but it's been the

00:49:07.540 other, the other side that I was just so surprised, but.

00:49:10.700 Wow.

00:49:10.860 Yeah.

00:49:11.720 You know, that's, it's like, I think there's a lot of like interesting stigmas with Christianity,

00:49:17.500 I guess.

00:49:18.540 Like I love, I like religion, right?

00:49:20.800 I like, um, I don't know if I care what religion people are.

00:49:25.820 Yeah.

00:49:26.100 You know, I, I think I wish I knew more about some of the religions, you know, um, I probably

00:49:32.900 prefer Christianity for myself because that's what I know the most.

00:49:38.660 Yeah.

00:49:38.940 And, but, or I would say that I prefer God.

00:49:43.160 That's the term I like to use.

00:49:44.540 And most of my belief started, um, through AA, through alcohol, through going to 12 step

00:49:51.360 meetings.

00:49:51.840 It was like the first time I ever like started to get like an understanding of, um, like starting

00:49:59.200 to build a relationship with God and talking to God and feeling like that.

00:50:04.120 If I think or feel something that there's something on the other side of the universe that hears

00:50:08.360 it or cares about it.

00:50:10.440 Right.

00:50:10.740 Um, and that, it blew my mind, dude, because, you know, I've been like, I've been electrocuted

00:50:17.880 a couple of times.

00:50:18.720 You have?

00:50:19.380 Oh yeah.

00:50:20.020 But I never, uh, had a feeling like this.

00:50:22.920 It's not like being electrocuted.

00:50:24.000 It's just like feeling like.

00:50:25.060 Wait, what do you mean?

00:50:26.160 You, you've been electrocuted?

00:50:28.140 Yeah.

00:50:28.460 Yeah.

00:50:28.560 I've been electrocuted, dude.

00:50:29.400 I've been electrocuted.

00:50:30.800 Yeah.

00:50:31.260 I mean, I guess a handful of times or whatever.

00:50:34.880 Yeah.

00:50:35.560 Yeah.

00:50:35.780 I guess.

00:50:36.660 One time I got electrocuted at a carnival when I was young.

00:50:39.380 I got electrocuted.

00:50:39.960 Oh.

00:50:40.740 Four, three years ago, I stepped on, I was walking behind a hot, uh, food truck and I

00:50:46.800 stepped, they had a plug in, a big joint plug in and I stepped right on it and just, it

00:50:52.160 just, you know, I wasn't, it was like the opposite of being baptized.

00:50:59.940 I think it was not, it was uncomfortable, but yeah, but I was, yeah.

00:51:04.880 But, um, I, uh, yeah, I like thinking about God.

00:51:09.160 But I love thinking about it now.

00:51:11.180 Yeah.

00:51:11.400 You know, I was just asking God this morning just to help me, um, just to help give me

00:51:16.300 some better direction in my life, you know?

00:51:18.100 Yeah.

00:51:18.340 And help me with a few things I've been struggling with.

00:51:20.900 Like I've been struggling to quit vaping.

00:51:22.720 Right.

00:51:22.980 So I don't want to vape.

00:51:23.860 And so it's just been so hard.

00:51:25.160 And I realized like, I'm an addict.

00:51:26.940 Yeah.

00:51:27.360 You know, it's like, dude, I will wake up in the middle of the night and like, see if

00:51:31.460 there's vape places open and stuff.

00:51:32.960 And then some assholes stay, started to stay open in 24 hours.

00:51:37.540 Oh yeah.

00:51:39.140 Cigarettes was the hardest for me.

00:51:40.560 I love, I, oh my gosh, I love smoking.

00:51:42.920 Yeah.

00:51:43.500 I love cigarettes.

00:51:44.620 Um, but I, I just can't, I don't want to be that, that mom.

00:51:48.960 Like, well, it became my guy, like vaping became my higher power in a lot of ways.

00:51:54.140 Like if I have an uncomfortable thought, feeling moment, whatever, let me hit this thing.

00:51:58.760 Yeah.

00:51:59.720 And so I realized, oh, this is the thing I'm serving this.

00:52:02.640 Like, yeah, whether I want to have a higher power, whatever I want it to be, this is whatever

00:52:08.280 I am serving this thing.

00:52:09.960 I show up when this, whenever the little, like a pain goes off inside of me, I show up for

00:52:15.020 this thing.

00:52:15.480 That's crazy.

00:52:16.800 Um, yeah, my life revolves around smoking too.

00:52:20.500 And it's funny because, um, you start like treating it as like little treats.

00:52:24.960 Like I would be tattooing and I'd be like, all right, I'll just get through like two hours

00:52:28.340 and then I get a treat and then, you know, you get these little breaks and stuff.

00:52:32.000 And then, but then everything like life becomes an inconvenience for, at least for me.

00:52:36.740 Um, I've never talked about this before, by the way.

00:52:38.860 Like, I feel like, um, usually when I talk about like sobriety and stuff, you're talking

00:52:41.680 about like drugs and, but cigarettes were the hardest.

00:52:44.460 I mean, it's, I just, I love the ritual of it.

00:52:47.260 I love the smell, like, like leather jackets with, and cigarettes to me is like so sexy.

00:52:52.260 I just, I.

00:52:53.020 Oh, Sam Elliott in the mask.

00:52:54.620 Have you seen him in that?

00:52:55.460 No.

00:52:55.940 Was Cher a member in that movie?

00:52:57.060 Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:52:58.060 I was thinking the other mask, but.

00:52:59.640 Yeah, yeah.

00:53:00.220 I wish Sam Elliott was in that one too.

00:53:01.740 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:53:02.140 I like Sam Elliott.

00:53:03.080 I mean, I don't like him, like I like him, but I like him.

00:53:05.180 Yeah, yeah.

00:53:06.240 But, um, yeah, people don't talk enough about that.

00:53:08.780 It's, yeah, it's so, I mean, it just, all of it is.

00:53:12.340 Yeah.

00:53:12.960 I mean, I was like two packs a day.

00:53:14.940 What?

00:53:15.420 Huh?

00:53:16.200 Like, till recently.

00:53:17.760 Packs Von D, huh?

00:53:19.280 That's crazy, dude.

00:53:21.120 Two packs a day.

00:53:22.760 Uh-huh.

00:53:23.060 Capriotralized.

00:53:23.160 You're lucky you look so lovely still after having smoked that much.

00:53:26.320 I know, yeah, true, true.

00:53:28.460 Not, not, not I know.

00:53:29.600 I mean, like.

00:53:30.140 But no, it's a, yeah, it's like, that's fortunate.

00:53:32.360 You see some people that are just like, yeah.

00:53:34.780 Some people look like they start to eventually, they, they look like the inhale that they take

00:53:40.360 off a cigarette.

00:53:41.080 They're just like.

00:53:41.540 You know, it's like, like their whole, they're just like.

00:53:46.760 Yeah.

00:53:47.520 You know, yeah, it's.

00:53:48.660 But if I see people doing drugs in movies, I just instantly get like sick to my stomach.

00:53:53.200 I'm like, I just like.

00:53:55.040 Really?

00:53:55.440 The idea, the idea of doing drugs again is like, I'm beyond that.

00:53:58.240 But if I see somebody smoking a cigarette, I'm like, man, like, I still have that.

00:54:03.360 And like, I can't, I can't, um, cheat on that.

00:54:06.720 Yeah.

00:54:07.220 Oh, I stopped at a, dude, this is the saddest story.

00:54:10.020 I remember kind of milling around a high school to see if some kid was vaping after

00:54:16.060 school one day when we were.

00:54:18.420 And vaping's so not cool.

00:54:19.880 Like, that's the one that's like, I'm like, why?

00:54:21.640 Just smoke a cigarette.

00:54:22.920 Like, why would you?

00:54:23.860 It's like, so like steampunk, like with your little things.

00:54:27.180 Oh, yeah, that's the dumbest, dude.

00:54:28.720 The steampunks are the craziest of that, though.

00:54:30.800 They're like putting together, assembling, like, it's so weird.

00:54:34.320 Just get a cigarette and be a man.

00:54:36.020 God, I didn't, I didn't know that I was such a loser until right now.

00:54:43.380 But I'm okay.

00:54:44.420 This might be the conversation I need that helps me.

00:54:47.640 Yeah, I just didn't, uh, yeah, but the, yeah, there's some, the people, they put the, they're

00:54:53.260 like cranking and they make their own vape or whatever.

00:54:56.580 They like add vanilla season here.

00:54:59.340 It's like, they have a machine and there's a tumble dry setting on them.

00:55:02.320 Like, what the, yeah, these are the guys that are doing, this is a guy, let's play that.

00:55:07.700 Can we play that?

00:55:08.380 Let's see one of these.

00:55:09.680 Yeah.

00:55:10.100 The people that blow the smoke and they, what, like there's, there's team, like a guy.

00:55:15.160 You don't do any of that?

00:55:16.100 I don't do it.

00:55:16.740 No.

00:55:16.960 No, this guy's out of his mind.

00:55:19.220 This guy has a 12 gauge vape.

00:55:24.980 Oh my God.

00:55:26.440 This guy, this guy's wife is missing.

00:55:30.600 There's no reason to need that much nicotine unless you did something bad.

00:55:34.060 Look at that.

00:55:35.080 This guy's a damn motor in it.

00:55:36.540 But the craziest ones are the competitions.

00:55:38.480 It's almost like it's one of those dog shows.

00:55:40.380 Now it's like the guy will blow a big smoke ring and then his wife will like run and jump

00:55:44.380 through it.

00:55:45.000 It's like, what is this shit?

00:55:47.300 It just, anyway, but it's hard.

00:55:50.200 It is.

00:55:51.200 It's hard.

00:55:51.860 And I think since I don't have a family or anything that I constantly need to address,

00:55:56.920 then, uh.

00:55:57.920 I feel like I probably wouldn't have quit if I didn't have a son.

00:56:00.260 Really?

00:56:00.620 Yeah.

00:56:01.340 I mean, when I, the minute I got pregnant, like I got the plus sign, that was the day

00:56:06.800 I quit.

00:56:07.440 No.

00:56:07.840 And then, uh, and then I started again after I had my son, not right away, but like.

00:56:13.380 Were you hiding and doing it?

00:56:15.000 No.

00:56:16.680 No.

00:56:18.400 Fuck yeah.

00:56:19.080 No, but I like.

00:56:19.860 That's pretty awesome that you were.

00:56:21.540 No.

00:56:22.260 No.

00:56:22.720 I mean, I never would post, like I've, there's, you'll be hard pressed to find.

00:56:26.180 There's very few photos of me smoking online, but.

00:56:28.880 Yeah.

00:56:29.120 Um, but then when my son was two, cause I had my little smoking nook outside.

00:56:35.980 Um, and, uh, he came out, my son came, he, he learned how to open doors, you know?

00:56:42.440 And he came out, I was like, mommy, mommy.

00:56:43.780 And he's like, what's that smell?

00:56:45.020 And I just felt like such a loser.

00:56:46.480 I was like, I can't, I can't be that mom.

00:56:49.860 So I.

00:56:50.140 Yeah.

00:56:50.780 Oh, I would hate that being that dad.

00:56:52.300 What's that smell?

00:56:52.860 It's like, oh, it's cranberry lime crush or whatever.

00:56:56.540 Is that your flavor?

00:56:57.480 Ice or whatever.

00:56:57.940 Yeah.

00:56:58.080 No, I prefer, um, watermelon lemon and sometimes I'll do watermelon lemon mango if they don't

00:57:04.080 have the one that I like, but it's like, it's sad.

00:57:05.980 It's all pretty sad, I think.

00:57:07.920 Uh, and the guy knows me, huh?

00:57:10.140 He calls me big boy when I walk in there.

00:57:14.820 That's the worst part.

00:57:16.600 And he's like, kind of like, uh, he's Hispanic or like Egyptian or something.

00:57:20.440 He's like, what's up, big boy?

00:57:22.680 That's what he says every time I go in there, dude.

00:57:24.960 And this is the saddest part.

00:57:26.500 I will buy it, hit it a few times and then throw it away.

00:57:31.220 So I don't hit it anymore.

00:57:32.160 And then you have to buy it again.

00:57:33.080 And then I'll go later on that day and buy it again.

00:57:36.120 Oh, I was just like, I would just buy cartons.

00:57:38.480 I just buy cartons.

00:57:39.520 Cartons?

00:57:40.000 Yeah.

00:57:40.160 You buy a boatload.

00:57:41.240 You'd be out there like on the Ohio river, like flagging down.

00:57:44.320 I buy cartons.

00:57:45.100 And then I, like my big, one of my biggest pet peeves was like when people would ask to

00:57:48.680 like bomb a cigarette.

00:57:50.180 You have a carton?

00:57:51.660 Well, yeah, but I've been like, I'm averaging one every 30 minutes.

00:57:55.220 I don't have a spare.

00:57:56.260 Like, why would you do that?

00:57:57.320 Like, just go buy your own.

00:58:00.860 There's some famous comedy duos out there, baby.

00:58:03.620 Tom and Jerry, Ricky and Morty, Buzz and Tony.

00:58:10.600 Or I don't remember the other guy's name, but there's a lot of great comedy duos.

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01:00:09.440 This episode is sponsored by BetterHelp.

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01:01:09.120 That's how it was when I would do drugs, too.

01:01:11.320 I remember in the beginning, it was like fun party time, you're out with your friends,

01:01:15.780 and then the minute that I realized like, oh, no, this is mine, I would just start doing

01:01:19.880 drugs by myself.

01:01:20.780 Oh, yeah, me too.

01:01:21.520 Yeah.

01:01:22.080 That was it.

01:01:23.060 Like, no sharing, because there's so many freeloaders.

01:01:26.740 Yeah.

01:01:27.280 And I was one of them, first of all, and I'd finally gotten some drugs.

01:01:31.120 So the last thing, if I'm free, yeah, it's finally time I get to freeload off myself,

01:01:35.180 you know?

01:01:36.240 But yeah, I would go home, I would get cocaine, I would go home and just do it by myself, and

01:01:39.560 it would be sad.

01:01:40.500 Yeah.

01:01:41.100 Ugh.

01:01:42.080 Yeah.

01:01:42.600 It was the saddest, man.

01:01:44.100 Uh-huh.

01:01:44.500 I don't know why.

01:01:45.740 But yeah, people do that.

01:01:47.660 Yeah.

01:01:47.800 But yeah, I think through like going to 12-step meetings is where I started to build a relationship

01:01:54.220 with a higher power and really believe in one.

01:01:56.080 And before that, I just never had it presented to me in a way that felt, I don't know, that

01:02:03.800 I, that it, that it like meshed, you know?

01:02:07.760 Yeah.

01:02:08.980 Yeah.

01:02:09.840 Yeah.

01:02:10.140 Yeah.

01:02:10.240 I think that's important, I think, is how you, how it comes into your life too, you know,

01:02:15.220 a lot of times.

01:02:17.280 Yeah.

01:02:17.680 And I just like having higher power, I like having an invisible friend that, yeah, I like

01:02:23.420 having an invisible friend.

01:02:24.700 Yeah.

01:02:25.760 Yeah.

01:02:26.160 I feel like I came from the school of thought where, you know, you have to be like empowered

01:02:33.340 and, um, you know, just believe in yourself and all this, the, this idea that you, you

01:02:39.300 know, it's kind of almost like self-worship and, um, and I think in AA, you know, they do

01:02:45.540 talk about that where it's like that, you know, you can't do this on your own.

01:02:50.040 And I think taking that to like the bigger picture part of it, um, where it's not just

01:02:54.760 with addiction that for me, I'm like, I've definitely surrendered to that.

01:02:57.660 And I don't think there's anything wrong to, you know, to humble yourself and be like,

01:03:02.320 I can't, I can't do this on my own.

01:03:04.360 And so it's kind of where I, where I, you know, landed, I guess.

01:03:08.920 Yeah.

01:03:09.900 Yeah.

01:03:10.500 Well, I think that's the part I struggle with a lot.

01:03:12.260 Sometimes it's just on a daily basis, like turning my will over to God, you know, turning

01:03:17.200 my will over to a higher power.

01:03:19.260 Like, you know, I pray every day and, but I just, I know that it's a relationship that

01:03:24.220 I want to be stronger in my, in my life.

01:03:26.380 You know, I can feel it all the time.

01:03:28.180 Like me just wanting like a stronger relationship.

01:03:31.860 Um, and then, yeah, one thing I like, I liked, one thing I liked about churches was just the

01:03:37.520 sense of community or, you know, religious places, people meet up worship centers, was

01:03:42.480 just the sense of people doing something together.

01:03:45.600 Um, kids being able to do like Sunday school or whatever, and you go in the back and you,

01:03:50.700 you know, you, you back there, everybody's like making little arts or whatever.

01:03:56.420 And, uh, I like that.

01:03:58.060 I like that sense of community.

01:03:59.180 I think it was good probably for communities to have some shared meeting space.

01:04:04.700 And I think churches and religious worship centers used to be that more.

01:04:09.640 Yeah.

01:04:10.140 In America.

01:04:11.200 Yeah.

01:04:11.400 You know, I don't know what it's like in the rest of the world, but, um.

01:04:16.020 Yeah.

01:04:16.280 I love that community.

01:04:17.140 I love, I personally love, like, I look forward to my Sundays and we do like church, well,

01:04:23.880 we do choir practice on Thursdays.

01:04:25.540 And like, I definitely feel, um, I mean, I think because we have a small church, which

01:04:31.060 I think is a good thing.

01:04:32.100 Like, um, when people are missing, like they're, you know, when they go out of town or like

01:04:37.720 they're, they're, they're missed, you know, like I feel like I, I genuinely miss my, my

01:04:42.880 church family when I'm in LA.

01:04:44.260 Oh yeah.

01:04:44.740 It's cool.

01:04:45.380 Yeah.

01:04:45.640 It's cool.

01:04:45.920 And I've never really had that before.

01:04:46.980 And I, I, I'm not that kind of person either.

01:04:49.300 Like, I don't like group therapy.

01:04:51.100 I don't like doing, I don't like communal seating at restaurants.

01:04:55.240 Like I like lone wolf, you know, but, but where I, you know, I have found my little,

01:05:01.380 my little, I guess, tribe, whatever.

01:05:04.920 No, that's fair.

01:05:05.680 Yeah.

01:05:05.940 Well, I think there used to be a lot more of that.

01:05:07.980 I mean, there's even that book by Sebastian Younger, I think it's called tribe maybe where,

01:05:12.720 yeah, it was about that.

01:05:13.880 It was about when we were in smaller groups and stuff like that.

01:05:15.900 And people used to, yeah, you would miss somebody.

01:05:18.200 They'd be gone.

01:05:18.800 It's like, otherwise you get so caught up with so many things and your space gets too

01:05:23.800 big and it's hard to know.

01:05:25.060 It's hard to pay attention.

01:05:26.100 It's hard to connect, you know, or it's, you're trying to connect to too many things,

01:05:29.300 you know, and people feel like that's part of it.

01:05:31.880 We're just trying to connect to too many things.

01:05:33.760 I don't think our system is built for that a lot of times.

01:05:36.780 Yeah.

01:05:37.000 So I think it's nice.

01:05:38.040 I bet having a, yeah, a place where you notice if somebody's gone.

01:05:42.180 Yeah.

01:05:42.500 That's pretty cool.

01:05:43.580 Yeah.

01:05:44.460 It's cool.

01:05:44.880 It's important.

01:05:45.480 I think it's important for us.

01:05:46.840 Yeah.

01:05:47.780 You know?

01:05:50.280 Yeah.

01:05:50.660 What was it like when you, did you think you really had an addiction problem?

01:05:53.660 What was that like?

01:05:54.940 Oh yeah.

01:05:55.440 I mean, I was like a big time.

01:05:57.700 User?

01:05:58.500 Drug user?

01:05:59.020 Loser, yeah.

01:05:59.800 Loser, yeah.

01:06:00.440 That's fine.

01:06:00.780 No, I mean, you know, I'm like a quick learner.

01:06:04.040 So it's not like, I can't, I'm never casual about anything.

01:06:07.600 Um, so it's like, you know, what starts off as innocent and just experimentational turns

01:06:15.780 into like, like my entire existence.

01:06:19.060 Yeah.

01:06:19.460 Wow.

01:06:19.820 And I, you know, I, that, that part of my personality I've changed, I've managed to change over the

01:06:23.900 years too.

01:06:24.280 Like I've grown up a little bit more, you know, like what part of it you mean?

01:06:28.040 Well, cause I think before when I looked at like my relationships, I, when I looked at

01:06:31.460 like just everything has to be an excess, you know, and, and now I'm like a little more

01:06:37.640 balanced.

01:06:38.880 Did you ditch the jacket?

01:06:40.420 Yeah.

01:06:40.600 I just took my jacket off cause I don't know if I'm getting warm or not, or I don't know

01:06:43.580 if I'm just feeling like if something's wrong with me, I feel fine.

01:06:47.420 I'm not going to faint.

01:06:48.220 I don't feel like sick.

01:06:49.360 I just, I was like, do I still want to have a jacket on?

01:06:54.460 And so I just took action, I guess, you know?

01:06:57.200 Um, yeah, I think faith is just so interesting.

01:07:02.440 I think it used to be probably a long time ago, people had to have more faith cause there

01:07:06.040 wasn't like your, your television screen was almost like the sky or the, you know, it was

01:07:12.580 like watching nature.

01:07:14.540 Like if you wanted to be watching a show, you had to go outside.

01:07:17.700 Like you already lived outside.

01:07:19.680 So you got to just look, you know, it was like, I think we're so much more connected probably

01:07:23.520 to the universe.

01:07:24.580 And, um, I don't know.

01:07:27.680 I, I think, I don't know.

01:07:29.440 I just think it's interesting what religion is like.

01:07:31.940 And, and some people say that it's bad for people, you know, that people call it like

01:07:35.380 the opiate of the masses.

01:07:36.540 You hear people say that.

01:07:38.260 And, um, but I don't know.

01:07:40.540 I would, I think there's bad representations of everything, you know?

01:07:44.140 Um, I mean, there's like certainly bad representations of people in AA, you know, like I always had a hard

01:07:52.400 time going to AA because I just couldn't stand a lot of the people to be honest.

01:07:55.860 And well that, and also like, I just feel like they were never, it was never really anonymous,

01:07:59.580 especially in LA.

01:08:00.520 Like people go there as a scene, like you would go and it's like, so-and-so was at a meeting

01:08:06.120 or I remember I was going with a friend and then someone like took a picture of us, like

01:08:11.380 from, you know, the back or whatever.

01:08:13.360 And it's like, man, like, you know, it's like my friend's trying to get through something

01:08:17.260 and then, you know, it's like this unnecessary attention or, or the worst would be comedians

01:08:22.740 like that would show up and they would speak and they're just like practicing their.

01:08:28.020 Really?

01:08:28.800 Yeah.

01:08:29.680 It's like the worst, the worst.

01:08:32.260 I'm like, um.

01:08:33.780 This is why I vape.

01:08:36.400 At least now I have somebody to blame it on, but no, I'll say this.

01:08:39.440 You know what, there is some things about that, that make, uh, people feel uncomfortable.

01:08:43.520 You know, I try to go to meetings and share as honestly as I can.

01:08:46.760 And, um, that's cool.

01:08:49.040 But it's sometimes, you know, that part I'm able to get over.

01:08:51.660 Like if somebody hears something I'm thinking or feeling about, cause that sometimes could

01:08:55.960 be, was a hangup for me a little bit.

01:08:57.520 Like, you know, if people started to recognize you, it made me feel like scared.

01:09:01.580 I think a lot of times, um, I mean, it all helps and it all doesn't.

01:09:06.220 I mean, you know, I feel like if it, if it, if it inspires somebody to keep coming, that's

01:09:10.080 cool too, but you don't want that to somebody's sobriety hinged on that.

01:09:13.980 But, and I think there's also, it's like, it's like churches.

01:09:17.560 There's some that are mega churches that are, you know, preaching weird gospel and like,

01:09:23.000 and then there's smaller ones that are, are not or whatever.

01:09:26.220 You know, I think it's like, cause I know there's meetings that are much more private

01:09:29.640 and like, you know, you know, it's not a scene or a dating scene or something, you know?

01:09:34.680 Yeah, but yeah.

01:09:36.000 A is interesting though.

01:09:37.120 I think it's interesting that the, yeah, A is interesting, but then also you're like,

01:09:40.580 well, what, this is why I'm here.

01:09:43.360 Sometimes it's sometimes depends on my attitude.

01:09:44.940 If I'm in a good, a good mood that day, it's like, I don't care.

01:09:47.720 Yeah.

01:09:48.260 But yeah, one, there was a meeting in Las Vegas recently where a guy was like kind of filming

01:09:51.660 like himself, like with this, with me in the background.

01:09:54.720 And that made me just, I mean, I spoke up for myself and I asked him what was going on,

01:09:59.160 but it was just some of that stuff's a little bit weird.

01:10:02.080 And yeah, it's to be, you know, but then you're like, well, yeah, I don't know, but

01:10:09.380 I love going to meetings that I really liked.

01:10:11.660 Yeah.

01:10:12.100 I thought it was super helpful.

01:10:13.400 That's good.

01:10:14.840 Um, I was trying to think of something else with faith that we could talk about.

01:10:18.920 You want to talk about that stuff more?

01:10:21.040 Is it okay with you?

01:10:21.820 Yeah.

01:10:22.140 Yeah.

01:10:22.800 Oh, I love thinking about it.

01:10:24.040 I don't, I don't have a lot of people on that are, that I guess that we talk about it

01:10:28.260 with as much probably the worst person cause I'm not like a studied, you know, Oh, I don't

01:10:32.280 know anything about like the history of it.

01:10:34.240 I mean, I know that the, you know, I know about the family in the woods.

01:10:37.480 I know they had the apple.

01:10:39.780 I know one of the sons killed the other one.

01:10:41.720 So things got a little hectic right out of the gate, you know, but, uh, but there's

01:10:46.520 a lot of like this specific, I don't know a lot of the logistics, you know?

01:10:49.760 Yeah.

01:10:50.280 So I think I wouldn't, yeah.

01:10:52.680 That part I don't know about.

01:10:54.260 Yeah.

01:10:54.500 But I just think about feelings and stuff.

01:10:56.300 Yeah.

01:10:56.800 I like thinking about that kind of stuff.

01:10:58.480 Some of that is intuitive too.

01:10:59.660 I feel like, you know, like, like there's parts of, you know, I think there's like some,

01:11:07.920 some things that are like ingrained in us that you can't really explain, you know, like

01:11:14.380 it doesn't feel good to harm somebody or things like that.

01:11:17.500 Yeah.

01:11:18.720 Um, but I don't know.

01:11:21.360 Yeah.

01:11:21.780 But then, yeah, it's, it's interesting how that kind of stuff happens in the world sometimes,

01:11:25.040 you know?

01:11:25.740 I don't know.

01:11:26.440 I don't.

01:11:26.880 Yeah.

01:11:27.100 But I think then people go, well, you know, if, why would God?

01:11:29.680 Let that happen.

01:11:30.940 I don't think that's what God.

01:11:32.260 Is that okay?

01:11:32.860 Yeah, for sure.

01:11:33.560 That's fine.

01:11:34.060 Don't get a shot of it.

01:11:34.800 Cause that's gross.

01:11:35.340 I hate people do that.

01:11:35.960 I just want to do this.

01:11:36.640 I want, I'm not, I don't even have my phone on me.

01:11:38.760 Oh, well, yeah.

01:11:39.220 Well, if we can blur them out.

01:11:40.660 No, you don't have to blur them out.

01:11:41.680 Okay.

01:11:44.700 Yeah.

01:11:45.060 But I think sometimes people want to blame God when it's bad and not for the good stuff.

01:11:50.160 But I think you look at like, um, I always think like we're human, you know, we,

01:11:55.940 we sin, we were capable of making mistakes and, and we have free will.

01:11:59.640 To make, you know, good and bad choices.

01:12:01.960 So it's like, yeah, of course there's going to be evil in this world.

01:12:04.660 Like, but I don't, I don't think God would be the one to blame.

01:12:08.220 You know, I would, you still have to take accountability for your actions.

01:12:12.100 Yeah.

01:12:12.280 Um, yeah.

01:12:13.860 It's a shame that, that bad things do happen to a lot of good people and innocent people.

01:12:18.680 That's the way of the world, you know?

01:12:20.700 Yeah.

01:12:21.020 I think that's always been there throughout time.

01:12:22.940 You know, I don't, I don't think God of God is like a specific instance to instance type

01:12:27.760 of like landlord or whatever you want to, you know, leader, you know, or champion or

01:12:34.100 whatever.

01:12:34.400 Some people call them different names, but, um, I think of him more as just this jet of

01:12:39.840 like, I think of like of, I like to think of his view of us as like a general energy

01:12:45.800 more like, it's just something that's always there.

01:12:49.640 No matter if, even if things are horrible, it's there.

01:12:52.740 And if things are good, it's there, you know, um, it's almost like this, like, uh, it's like

01:13:01.500 this code or something that kind of fits to whatever you need it to be.

01:13:06.820 I don't really think of it as like a low, like too much of like a rigid thing.

01:13:12.480 So yeah, I guess I wouldn't blame God.

01:13:14.000 Like if something horrible happened, I don't know if I would take it to God.

01:13:16.920 I would just be like, that's what we do here.

01:13:20.600 Unfortunately in the world, you know?

01:13:22.740 I might talk to God to try and have understanding and maybe I would blame him and he would let

01:13:29.180 me blame him.

01:13:30.360 You know, that's one of the things he does.

01:13:31.740 He just lets you blame him.

01:13:33.220 You know, that, I don't know.

01:13:34.700 I don't know.

01:13:35.300 I like thinking about this though.

01:13:36.640 Some of it's interesting, you know?

01:13:37.700 Yeah.

01:13:38.240 Yeah.

01:13:38.740 Because it's like, yeah, how do we, and I don't know if our brains can conceptualize

01:13:42.780 everything.

01:13:43.120 Like we're only, we only have five senses, you know?

01:13:45.500 Yeah.

01:13:45.780 Yeah.

01:13:46.040 I was just talking to my buddy about this the other day.

01:13:47.580 Like, dude, we only have five senses.

01:13:49.620 Yeah.

01:13:50.580 Not that many, dude.

01:13:53.400 A lot can be done with that though.

01:13:55.260 Huh?

01:13:55.500 A lot can be done with that.

01:13:56.500 No, no.

01:13:56.900 And look, people are doing a great job.

01:13:58.180 No, but you're right.

01:13:58.660 Yeah.

01:13:58.800 I feel like there's like parts of my brain that can't comprehend the concepts of time,

01:14:04.800 you know what I mean?

01:14:05.320 Yeah.

01:14:05.380 But we just try our best to get through that.

01:14:08.760 Like I think about like the story of Job in the Bible, like that one is, you know, even

01:14:13.300 if you look at it, you know, not literally, but like where like Job was this guy, and I'm

01:14:18.660 going to just paraphrase it, obviously.

01:14:19.780 Totally paraphrase.

01:14:20.540 And look, if anybody judges somebody for paraphrasing out of the Bible, dude, we're not pastors,

01:14:24.620 you know?

01:14:24.980 Yeah, yeah.

01:14:25.300 For sure.

01:14:25.600 Yeah.

01:14:25.800 We're just two people sitting somewhere trying our best to be alive in the universe.

01:14:30.320 Yeah, yeah.

01:14:30.720 It's true.

01:14:31.500 But thanks.

01:14:33.040 But you know, like Job was put through all of these trials and all of the worst things

01:14:37.860 that you can imagine happening to one person and through it, he just maintained his faith.

01:14:43.560 And even at a point where even at one point, his wife was like, come on, are you serious?

01:14:47.380 Like, how can you still like praise God when you're, you know, you're losing your children,

01:14:51.260 you're losing everything we've had, you know, and now you're sick and covered in boils and

01:14:56.020 on the brink of death, you know?

01:14:57.800 And he was just like, praise God, you know?

01:14:59.440 And I feel like a lot of times, you know, through my decades of tattooing people and hearing

01:15:05.940 like the worst and saddest stories, like just, you know, I, I was kind of known for doing

01:15:10.760 a lot of portraits.

01:15:11.600 And so I would do portraits of people, um, their loved ones who have passed or, you know,

01:15:16.560 their loved ones who inspired them, things like that.

01:15:18.800 And you just hear some of the most heart-wrenching stuff that like, I can't even begin to imagine

01:15:23.540 like how you're still walking, you know, but, um, but they still find a way, you know?

01:15:28.820 And I feel like that's like, I want to be like Job in that sense, you know, because

01:15:32.600 like this, the, like the last few years for me, I've been so rough, like behind the curtains,

01:15:37.580 you know, I don't share all of my, I'm not the type of person that goes on Instagram and

01:15:41.760 cries, you know, but it's like, you know, we, we suffer quietly through things and we

01:15:46.620 like, um, you know, no one's, no one has a perfect life.

01:15:50.200 And, um, but I'm still going to live in a state of gratitude, you know, and I'm still

01:15:55.820 going to be like excited to be here sitting with you today, you know?

01:15:58.600 And it's like the, the world could be falling apart and I'm still like, I praise God, you

01:16:02.660 know?

01:16:03.060 Yeah.

01:16:03.940 Um, yeah.

01:16:04.540 It gives you hope.

01:16:05.380 I think.

01:16:05.960 Yeah.

01:16:06.640 That's the thing that I think that's, I don't know.

01:16:08.940 I mean, I, yeah, I love that.

01:16:10.820 Yeah.

01:16:11.200 And we do also, it is interesting how we suffer quietly, huh?

01:16:14.400 Yeah.

01:16:15.080 I mean, some, some suffer loudly like a dick, but.

01:16:17.980 Oh yeah.

01:16:18.840 Like my fricking neighbor's dog.

01:16:21.020 I think he's not even suffering and, uh, but it's loud.

01:16:25.620 Yeah.

01:16:25.920 Um, but it's all going to be okay.

01:16:29.900 Yeah.

01:16:30.280 I think that's what God is to a lot of people.

01:16:32.060 It's a, it's a real, it's a, it's like, I would way rather have hope.

01:16:39.780 Me too.

01:16:41.060 Than not have it.

01:16:42.720 Yeah.

01:16:43.760 That's the thing.

01:16:44.500 It's like, and yeah, I don't know.

01:16:47.620 I've just felt God.

01:16:48.480 I've just felt God.

01:16:49.360 Like same.

01:16:50.440 I didn't, it was the only thing I could say it was, you know?

01:16:53.280 Cause one time I was smoking a bunch of menthols actually going back to cigarettes, but my

01:16:57.360 girlfriend had broken up with me and I was about to just, you know, peel my skin off of

01:17:02.480 my body and feed it to something.

01:17:03.920 And I wasn't doing real well and I was just really doing real bad just on the inside.

01:17:09.280 I was just, and I just, I mean, I swear it's crazy.

01:17:12.600 But I felt like something literally just like put like a, like a big hand went around my

01:17:18.280 heart and I started to feel better.

01:17:21.200 But I felt like a, it really felt like that, which is.

01:17:24.880 Same.

01:17:25.640 Yeah.

01:17:26.440 I had the exact same feeling.

01:17:27.840 Really?

01:17:28.180 Yeah.

01:17:28.600 It was weird.

01:17:29.360 And I don't really talk about it cause then you sound all like.

01:17:32.340 Oh, I don't give a fuck.

01:17:33.320 People know I'm that show, you know, we're doing our best.

01:17:35.580 Yeah.

01:17:35.660 If anybody thinks, yeah, that they, they think I know anything about God, like any exact low

01:17:40.700 key BTS information about the Lord, they're out of their effing mind.

01:17:44.040 And if they think they do too, then they're out of their effing mind.

01:17:47.260 I just am trying to think out loud and feel out loud with somebody.

01:17:51.060 Yeah.

01:17:51.640 Is that what that, but yeah, something similar.

01:17:53.260 Yeah.

01:17:53.500 Yeah.

01:17:53.720 Where I felt like, like a hand, like just kind of, um, wrapping me in warmth and, um, and

01:18:02.160 I just, I just, uh, had this feeling of surrendering to it.

01:18:05.660 You know, where I was just like, Oh man, like it's, it's going to be fine.

01:18:10.300 And it's not, it's not me just being like, Oh, tell myself until like, you know, like,

01:18:14.060 no, like I had, I had like a clear understanding that like you got me, you know?

01:18:18.980 Yeah.

01:18:19.300 It's kind of cool.

01:18:21.200 Yeah.

01:18:22.100 Yeah.

01:18:22.460 And well, what's interesting too, for me is that I've even taken my own will back so

01:18:25.600 many times since then.

01:18:26.780 Yeah.

01:18:27.140 And that's the tough thing.

01:18:28.240 I think that's where I want to get more into like just my morning routine.

01:18:30.960 It's just like turning my, just die will be done, you know?

01:18:34.140 Cause then it just takes all the pressure off of me.

01:18:36.500 It takes all the pressure off of me to like, feel like I have to make everything okay or

01:18:41.080 that I got to make everybody okay.

01:18:42.680 Or that I have, what are those pressures?

01:18:45.080 Like, what, like, I don't know.

01:18:47.120 I think I just feel, uh, I've always felt, um, like I'm running late for something.

01:18:55.160 And I've felt that my whole life, like, I'm, if I don't keep doing more, then I'm not enough.

01:19:03.500 Or, or like, if I don't do, I think I felt as a kid, like if I don't do something, like

01:19:13.140 I just wasn't seen.

01:19:14.040 My mother, my mother didn't really look at me.

01:19:15.820 Right.

01:19:16.080 And so I think, uh, I felt like I have to be perfect.

01:19:21.480 If I'm not, the only way I have a chance of being seen is if I'm perfect, you know?

01:19:28.720 And if I'm not, if I'm not like perfect, then I just don't have a chance to be seen, you

01:19:34.260 know?

01:19:34.980 And, um, yeah, it makes me, it makes me sad to think that a kid would think that, you

01:19:39.840 know?

01:19:40.060 Um, but I think that's how I felt, you know, I think, and I'm not blaming my mother, I

01:19:45.260 think, or my father, you know, I don't know.

01:19:47.120 I don't know what their lives were like, but yeah, I just remember like, as I've gotten

01:19:52.020 older, I've been able to recognize that like, man, if I just, that's what you were feeling

01:19:55.120 for so long, you know, I felt like I always needed to go do something to try and make myself

01:20:00.740 better so that I was enough.

01:20:02.380 Same.

01:20:02.840 Yeah.

01:20:03.160 Yeah.

01:20:03.700 Yeah.

01:20:03.920 Be seen, you know?

01:20:05.140 Yeah.

01:20:05.400 Um, so I think, uh,

01:20:08.840 when I say, yeah, I will be done.

01:20:12.140 It's like just letting like none of that, Matt, it does, everything's okay.

01:20:16.560 Yeah.

01:20:17.400 Yeah.

01:20:17.620 You know, like no matter how you are, if you're good or bad, or if you're not doing

01:20:23.160 your best, if you're not even like, not if you're not even trying really, I feel like

01:20:28.440 you should try, but just that everything is, you're just not alone, you know?

01:20:34.760 Yeah.

01:20:35.000 And so I think I've always had a tough time, like letting people love me, you know?

01:20:40.440 Yeah.

01:20:40.800 It's been really, really tough.

01:20:42.260 Like, like in relationships or something.

01:20:44.180 Yeah.

01:20:44.700 I think I'm just, I think that muscle just wasn't built up when I was a child with my

01:20:48.400 mother.

01:20:48.660 And so I just didn't, I just have had a tough time with it.

01:20:52.880 And so, um, I think the interesting thing about having try or through 12 step for me

01:21:00.280 has just been having some, trying to build some relationship or it's the first time that

01:21:04.760 I've kind of have really let somebody into my life is in my negotiations with God kind

01:21:09.880 of, and I hate to call them that, but that's kind of, you know,

01:21:14.260 That makes sense though.

01:21:15.500 Like how much am I willing to turn myself over to, that somebody else is gonna, that

01:21:22.840 somebody else is gonna be that, be with me, you know, even if I'm not, uh, even if I'm

01:21:29.220 not enough or if I don't feel like I'm enough for them to, uh, keep me around, you know?

01:21:35.700 Anyway.

01:21:36.440 Yeah.

01:21:36.760 Yeah.

01:21:36.960 Sorry.

01:21:37.700 I know it's a lot of stuff, but yeah, I think I, yeah.

01:21:40.560 I mean, I had this, uh, this, um, scenario, this, this, uh, last week when I was in LA

01:21:47.940 actually, um, where, uh, you know, I had this makeup line for 12 years and it did really

01:21:55.220 great.

01:21:56.700 And then at one point I got a bunch of backlash and, um, and I ended up having to like really

01:22:06.320 like sit with myself and figure out like what I want to do with my life.

01:22:09.720 If I want to keep up this fight of, um, like, I mean, I don't know, there's like contractually

01:22:17.600 things that, that, that I can't talk about anymore.

01:22:20.300 But, but when I sold my makeup line, um, I had to sit there in, um, in a meeting with

01:22:27.660 the production company and, um, and lawyers and stuff.

01:22:32.060 And I remember I just wanted to like shut it down.

01:22:35.300 Like, let's just let it go.

01:22:36.600 Like, I don't want to do this anymore, you know?

01:22:38.320 And they were like, but I think they, they saw there's profits to be made and stuff.

01:22:42.280 And so, um, in order to buy me out, like, you know, there was negotiations and at one

01:22:48.020 point, and I was always very fair about things.

01:22:50.000 I don't, I wasn't asking for, you know, the world.

01:22:54.100 And, uh, and I remember at one point, um, uh, this guy, this old man with like this balding

01:23:04.220 old man with a, a potato nose, alcoholic potato nose, like looked me in the eyes and told me

01:23:11.600 you're not worth anything anymore.

01:23:14.120 Like, and, um, and those words and his voice like haunt me still, even though I know it's

01:23:20.420 not like this guy's telling me what's cool.

01:23:23.360 Like, you know, and, um, and I know it was just like a leveraging point to whatever, try

01:23:28.320 to give me as little as possible.

01:23:30.520 But so I, uh, when I go to LA, I like, this is one thing that I don't, that I, that I do

01:23:36.460 complain about where I'm at in Indiana is that there's no places to work out.

01:23:39.320 And I, I actually like, it's, it's good for my health to work out every day.

01:23:42.500 Yeah.

01:23:42.980 So when I go to LA, I'll fly in and then I just go to, um, I go to Barry's bootcamp where

01:23:47.280 I just have a bunch of people yelling at me to run faster.

01:23:50.020 And, uh, and so, but if you've ever been to like a Barry's workout, it's like, there's

01:23:54.700 no, uh, talking.

01:23:56.320 And that's another thing I like about it.

01:23:57.800 You just go, you work out.

01:23:59.100 And then in between, um, like you do like floor work and then you have to switch to the

01:24:03.180 treadmill.

01:24:03.440 Right.

01:24:03.820 And in between that you, you switch.

01:24:05.860 And so we're right about to switch and I'm just sitting there like.

01:24:09.320 And this guy's voice gets in my head.

01:24:11.720 I'm looking at myself in the mirror and it's just like, like, uh, you're not worth anything

01:24:15.600 anymore.

01:24:16.200 And, uh, I'm like, what am I doing in my life?

01:24:18.080 And I was like on the verge of tears.

01:24:19.640 And right at that moment, this like blonde girl just comes up to me and was like, Hey cat,

01:24:26.740 really quick.

01:24:27.440 I just want to tell you, I think you're so amazing.

01:24:29.240 And I just like lost it.

01:24:31.540 Like, and then she just went on her treadmill and like, what, you know, didn't see her again.

01:24:35.980 And I was like, man, I know it's not, um, this is the part where you should blame God

01:24:39.920 for like these beautiful divine, like moments where it's like, man, you sent this girl like

01:24:45.120 to me just to say like a few little words that like just changed my, you know, I was just

01:24:50.920 like so grateful in that moment.

01:24:52.960 I like went back home after that workout.

01:24:54.680 I just went to my husband.

01:24:55.500 I was like, this girl just changed my life, you know?

01:24:58.160 And he was just like, yeah, why are you even listening to that?

01:24:59.860 I'm like, I know.

01:25:00.440 And that was like years ago and I just still like, you know, I don't know what part of

01:25:05.220 me and it's probably my childhood stuff where, you know, I don't know yours, but mine was

01:25:09.440 like constantly seeking validation through, through my mom, you know, like that wasn't

01:25:15.620 there.

01:25:16.220 And it's like, um, and you know, I've gone to like years of therapy to like fix myself

01:25:21.260 and stuff.

01:25:21.780 So I'm not where I was before, but before I was like, definitely like, oh yeah, like I

01:25:27.100 need to, um, do more.

01:25:29.200 There's not enough.

01:25:29.800 Like I, there's so much I want to do that.

01:25:31.180 It hurts.

01:25:31.580 And it's just like, and it's not, it doesn't really matter if you have like a sea of people

01:25:35.720 that are like cheering you on at the end of the day.

01:25:38.500 It's like, it's just all in here, you know?

01:25:41.140 But, um, yeah, it's just, it's crazy to see it in real time now.

01:25:46.260 I feel like ever since I got to this place that I am now, like with, with my faith, like

01:25:51.600 I start seeing it in real time all the time where it's like, God's just kind of diving

01:25:56.040 in and being like, cut that shit out.

01:25:57.880 Like, you know, um, but I don't think it's ever going to go away though.

01:26:03.260 Yeah.

01:26:04.960 Yeah.

01:26:05.340 And that childhood stuff and all that kind of like, I don't suffer from that stuff every

01:26:08.940 day.

01:26:09.280 No, I mean, it just creeps in sometimes.

01:26:11.420 Yeah.

01:26:11.620 Sometimes people see, you know, they're like, man, you seem like, you know, I'm like, I'm,

01:26:14.920 I'm okay.

01:26:16.140 Yeah.

01:26:16.340 You know, but it's still a part of me that lives inside of me, you know?

01:26:21.020 And, um, and sometimes there's still like, I noticed there's a lot of feelings, like

01:26:25.520 I never got to have feelings when I was a kid.

01:26:27.220 I didn't know.

01:26:27.820 I was always in some type of mode of like, I need to be like seeing, I need to make sure

01:26:34.060 my mother sees me so I'll be fed, just taking care of, you know, whatever.

01:26:38.100 So I, so at that point you're not developing any other feelings except for like, you know.

01:26:42.960 Yeah.

01:26:43.820 Like a stress.

01:26:44.880 Yes.

01:26:45.160 And so I think, yeah, but I think the first time I've ever really been able to have some

01:26:50.680 sort of a, even discussion of a relationship in my life has been, um, through recovery

01:26:57.160 and through, uh, the introduction of God that way.

01:26:59.820 Cause it was like, you get to choose your own God.

01:27:01.940 Right.

01:27:02.340 And I, I've just chosen the most common God that I know.

01:27:05.180 And, and, um, the one that I, you know, friends, families would take me to church and

01:27:09.360 stuff.

01:27:09.660 And so, and that's fine for me, you know, it's, um, but I think a lot of that's interesting.

01:27:15.160 Yeah, man, I can't believe what gets me is that somebody would even want to work in

01:27:19.060 a job where debating or negotiating for money is worth even the value of saying something

01:27:27.400 like that to someone.

01:27:28.640 Yeah.

01:27:29.160 That's the sickest part of the world.

01:27:31.440 I mean, it, it worked.

01:27:32.920 I've definitely was like questioning myself in that moment and was like, maybe I should

01:27:37.820 just settle, you know?

01:27:38.760 And it's like, you know, but lesson lessons learned.

01:27:42.380 I don't, I think everything turned out the way it was supposed to anyway.

01:27:47.040 Yeah.

01:27:47.400 You know, but that's a lot of LA.

01:27:49.200 It's like, you almost have to hire sick people to deal with other sick people and some of

01:27:53.080 that.

01:27:53.720 And it's like, you know, but that's the nicest thing about being out of there.

01:27:59.220 I think is having some semblance of, uh, like, I don't have a manager.

01:28:03.460 I don't have, I don't know.

01:28:05.060 I've simplified my life too.

01:28:06.340 It's crazy.

01:28:06.940 And, and a lot of these things have just, cause you know, I've been so used to being

01:28:12.380 in this little bubble where it's like, uh, having the assistants and the managers and

01:28:16.120 all this stuff.

01:28:16.740 And then it's like, we move out here and I was like, I can't really, I don't want to

01:28:20.200 bring a compound of people over here.

01:28:22.040 And, you know, we had a nanny, for example, like, um, and, and, you know, I w I wasn't

01:28:28.400 blessed with a very close family.

01:28:30.020 So when, when I had my son, it's not like I had a village of family that was helping

01:28:35.280 us out.

01:28:35.640 Like it was just me and my husband by ourselves and, um, and it's fine, you know, we, we can

01:28:40.140 do it.

01:28:40.740 But then I ended up hiring a nanny who was like family to us, you know, and she would

01:28:45.840 just come from nine to five so that I could do all my work during the day.

01:28:49.000 And then, and then once we moved out here, it was like, um, I was kind of like left alone

01:28:53.600 and I was like, man, this is actually cool being, um, a full-time mom.

01:28:58.380 I know it sounds so dumb to say that out loud, but like where I'm, it's just me 100%

01:29:03.060 of the time instead of, um, having somebody help.

01:29:06.140 And, uh, I think it's made me obviously a better mom and, um, and, but, but you, you

01:29:13.120 realize like with, with less is sometimes easier.

01:29:17.120 Um, it's definitely less complicated, you know, like my life is definitely like I, I let

01:29:23.160 go of publicists and all that stuff.

01:29:24.860 I mean, we will definitely hire like when we, when I have an album launch and stuff I'll put

01:29:28.080 together a team and we do things, but in general, like I'm not dealing with a sea of

01:29:32.640 people anymore and it is, it is definitely liberating.

01:29:35.200 And it feels like just, um, I, there's just more benefits to it.

01:29:40.040 I think like, even when you guys hit me up and stuff, it's like, I used to be like, Oh

01:29:44.140 yeah, I'll just let so-and-so hand on.

01:29:45.600 I'm like, Oh, it's cool.

01:29:46.260 I'll just drive myself here.

01:29:47.320 You know, like, um, cause Southern Indiana is not that far from here.

01:29:51.940 And I'm like, my son and my husband, we took a little road trip, you know?

01:29:54.940 Oh, nice.

01:29:55.620 Yeah.

01:29:55.740 And then it's just like, like, it's just easier that way.

01:29:58.760 Yeah.

01:29:59.800 Oh yeah.

01:30:00.400 And these days it's like, I don't want somebody fielding something that does, has no idea

01:30:06.160 what my interests are or what, who I, or what, you know, they may have some idea what my

01:30:10.960 interests are, but they don't, they're not going to make the choices.

01:30:13.980 Cause I, you know, it's almost like a lot of that whole world is built on this shell

01:30:17.780 system that you need somebody to help you be a human, you know?

01:30:23.940 Um, but these days a lot of like, people don't even believe a lot of stuff in the press.

01:30:27.860 Nobody takes it.

01:30:28.540 I don't believe any of it.

01:30:29.620 It's all, it's all a bunch of fucking, uh, SoundCloud, right?

01:30:33.580 Yeah.

01:30:33.940 You know, it's like, I mean, if anything, usually if I see like certain headlines, especially

01:30:41.800 with my friends, I'm like, well, you already know the, the, the truth behind things.

01:30:45.940 And I'm like, Oh, like I, I'll be more like my first thought is to be like, Oh, it's probably

01:30:51.060 the opposite of whatever it is out there.

01:30:53.400 Cause, but I feel like, do people still fall for it now?

01:30:55.960 Probably.

01:30:56.440 I don't know.

01:30:57.160 I, if, look, if you still fall, if you don't think that, I mean, there's just so like,

01:31:03.260 I have friends, it's like, uh, who was my friend the other day was telling me that there's

01:31:07.420 some celebrity that they pay a couple grand or something and then some people show up

01:31:12.500 and take pictures of them and then it's going to be in some tablets, but it's all set up

01:31:16.580 and none of it's like, it's all for show.

01:31:19.560 None of it is not real.

01:31:21.440 Yeah.

01:31:21.740 You know, it's like, and it's like people will come out with a brand and then they'll call

01:31:27.260 their friend in a magazine and they're like, Hey, can you say that this brand is amazing?

01:31:30.560 And then their friend writes an article says the brand is amazing.

01:31:32.540 And we don't even know if the praise, it's just like so much of it is, um, it's just,

01:31:39.160 uh, valueless.

01:31:41.980 Yeah.

01:31:42.280 Cause it's not true.

01:31:43.600 Yeah.

01:31:44.380 You know?

01:31:44.920 And I think that's the thing is just trying to sort out what's true.

01:31:48.680 And I think that's what we're all trying to do.

01:31:50.180 I think a lot of times just in our own lives, even it's like, well, what do I really think

01:31:54.340 or feel what's true?

01:31:56.800 You know, I think that's something I've had an interesting time.

01:31:59.620 Um, so.

01:32:01.400 I mean, I, I mean, that's, I think that's one of the reasons I've always loved you and

01:32:05.140 everything you do is like, there's a level of authenticity.

01:32:08.260 Um, and it's like, like earlier we were talking about style and stuff and I'm like, I love your

01:32:12.620 style.

01:32:12.920 Cause it's, it's just, you're effortlessly doing it, whatever you like, you know, or

01:32:17.820 unless there's a lot of effort.

01:32:18.820 I don't know.

01:32:19.680 I mean, it took a while to stand there and be like, I don't know if this is okay, but I

01:32:24.820 don't wear that black coat.

01:32:26.360 Cause I know you like black stuff.

01:32:28.860 I love that.

01:32:29.660 I wish I could be as brave as you.

01:32:31.400 I think I did think that's the reddest lipstick I've ever seen in my life, but it's kind of

01:32:35.160 a nice Christmas color too.

01:32:36.520 Wait, what do you mean brave?

01:32:37.740 I think it's just brave to like, to put this on, to be like, uh, like, cause I remember

01:32:45.600 when I was in junior high school, my friend, Matt Shinnevere, he was like, he was a neat

01:32:49.920 guy and his brother played in a band.

01:32:53.100 And I don't want to say the band was bad, but the band was probably had a unique sound.

01:32:57.180 Okay.

01:32:57.640 Okay.

01:32:58.160 So, and their name was like, uh, you know, like, uh, shuddering.

01:33:05.480 Like it was something crazy, you know, like desperate victim or something, you know, like

01:33:11.040 definitely like the name of the band was one guy was playing the drums, but he was, he was

01:33:17.140 just fucking shaking with anger so much.

01:33:19.560 And he had the sticks in his hand and he was just keeping some type of a vague wooden to

01:33:25.240 metal falsetto.

01:33:26.700 And it was just, that's who they were, you know, but so I would go sometimes and try to

01:33:31.160 be like, and I would listen to like blind melon and like fucking blind melon is like the one

01:33:37.240 that, but they somehow rolled, I guess they weren't goth, but they were kind of hippie.

01:33:45.500 I don't know if we had goth, maybe we had one dude.

01:33:47.980 Oh yeah.

01:33:48.880 Goth was different.

01:33:49.660 Sorry.

01:33:49.920 These were just kind of like, these are just kind of like, like violent hippies.

01:33:56.140 Okay.

01:33:56.400 All right.

01:33:56.900 So that's kind of the group I was in for a little while was this violent hippie group.

01:34:00.220 And then, um, but yeah, the goth kids would wear like those shoes that were like, and then

01:34:04.560 but they had to wait till everybody left to walk back.

01:34:08.500 Cause it was like such a uncomfortable walk sometimes.

01:34:11.680 She's like, why are those goth kids still hanging out by the tree over there?

01:34:15.000 Like always in the trees.

01:34:16.420 It's weird.

01:34:16.840 There's even a website.

01:34:18.400 I think it was called goths and trees.

01:34:20.180 And for some, there's like a fascination with like goth people that are like in trees.

01:34:25.320 I didn't, I've never felt the feeling calling, but I don't know.

01:34:30.180 There's a lot of them.

01:34:31.280 That's cool.

01:34:31.980 It's a thing.

01:34:32.520 So go on.

01:34:33.140 There it is.

01:34:33.660 Goths and trees right there.

01:34:34.820 Let's look at a few of them.

01:34:35.740 And they all hang out.

01:34:36.480 That guy's not that goth.

01:34:37.480 Yeah.

01:34:37.680 That guy definitely.

01:34:38.780 Oh, that guy is goth, dude.

01:34:41.360 Yeah.

01:34:41.740 They all hang out in trees.

01:34:43.200 I don't understand.

01:34:44.860 Ooh, there's something very Edgar Allen Poe about it.

01:34:49.340 You know, cause they're cause of a Raven.

01:34:51.640 I think so.

01:34:52.520 Now this lady seems like it's a thing.

01:34:56.620 I have never done it.

01:34:57.980 Let's see more.

01:34:58.560 Oh, this is fascinating.

01:34:59.840 Wow.

01:35:00.480 Now that guy is goth.

01:35:01.680 Yeah.

01:35:02.240 Look at their inside trees.

01:35:03.460 It's weird.

01:35:05.120 I wonder if there's something about it that feels good to them.

01:35:09.020 To our species.

01:35:11.300 Yeah.

01:35:12.200 I could see it.

01:35:13.180 Now this is really interesting.

01:35:14.800 She brought props.

01:35:17.480 Oh yeah.

01:35:18.080 She's a Sith.

01:35:19.280 Or Scythe.

01:35:20.380 Is it Scythe?

01:35:21.220 She's a Scythe.

01:35:22.920 Oh, wow.

01:35:23.640 Yeah.

01:35:23.740 These are goth on, on, uh, in trees.

01:35:27.020 Is it a tree house or?

01:35:28.400 Yeah.

01:35:28.740 It looks like a tree house or a zip line.

01:35:30.880 Goss on zip line would be good too.

01:35:34.640 But I love this.

01:35:35.500 This is really fascinating.

01:35:36.640 Yeah.

01:35:37.200 Um, I used to love when there was some dope Tumblr pages out there.

01:35:39.900 That was fun, wasn't it?

01:35:41.060 Yeah.

01:35:41.340 But wait, you were going to get to the point where, so you had the friends that were in

01:35:44.500 the band and.

01:35:45.440 Yeah.

01:35:45.680 But the, yeah.

01:35:46.120 And I thought I was goth, but I wasn't, I guess.

01:35:48.180 Yeah.

01:35:48.340 We would just like listen to like Skinny Puppy or different bands like, you know, uh, epilepsy

01:35:55.160 lizard or some kind of shit like that.

01:35:57.280 And then, um, yeah, that was it.

01:36:00.020 That was about as goth, as kind of as goth as I get, but I was always marveled at the

01:36:04.760 people that could go full dark wing duck, you know, like people that dark wing duck.

01:36:11.360 Yeah.

01:36:11.600 I think the people that like, could be like, whoa, like this person, like, how did they

01:36:16.600 get to school and they flew here themselves?

01:36:18.460 Like that type of, I think there was something like interesting about it.

01:36:23.920 Yeah.

01:36:24.340 Yeah.

01:36:24.600 And there was always like, there's such an allure, I think about that sort of woman or

01:36:30.500 yeah, I would probably say woman more because I think it's like, uh, there's something interesting

01:36:36.100 about a goth person.

01:36:39.480 What is it?

01:36:40.060 What is it about goth people?

01:36:41.380 Why is it?

01:36:42.380 Like a, like the loose screws probably.

01:36:45.260 Or what is it?

01:36:45.800 Like, why do they, what is like the, the, the calling towards like, is there like a code

01:36:50.220 of conduct or something?

01:36:51.560 I mean, there's gotta be, um, some childhood stuff, right?

01:36:55.700 I mean, I know for me, I, I, like I said, I never felt a sense of belonging even within

01:36:59.300 my own family unit.

01:37:00.560 Um, so I remember discovering music and then not necessarily seeing myself, but, um, like

01:37:08.520 there was a reflection of emotions happening.

01:37:12.200 Like when I, I, I like, I love the cure and Susie and the Banshee's Depeche, but that's

01:37:15.620 like, and I think like lyrically and just like this, um, the soul to it, you know, I feel

01:37:21.640 like a lot of people are sensitive in that sense, but, and then they just like take it

01:37:27.460 to the, you know, to the outward expression of that.

01:37:29.780 Uh, but I don't know.

01:37:32.020 I, I just, I just like it.

01:37:34.200 I, you know, I've, maybe that's it.

01:37:36.120 Maybe like a way to be seen too.

01:37:38.440 Cause I guess it was an outlier.

01:37:40.020 Like I grew up in a small town, so.

01:37:41.520 But, but it's kind of not cause like, right.

01:37:44.000 Cause you have your own group then.

01:37:46.200 Like, is that what you mean?

01:37:47.260 Well, I mean, I don't know.

01:37:48.140 I, I'm not judging.

01:37:49.120 I'm just looking at it.

01:37:49.860 I'm like, it's just like, it's funny.

01:37:50.980 Like even this morning when I was getting ready, I was like, you know, I feel like I

01:37:54.120 tend to dress very, I cover all the time.

01:37:57.760 Like I don't, I very rarely show my tattoos at all.

01:38:00.720 And I was like, you know, I'm going to change it up.

01:38:02.460 I'm going to go see Theo today and I'll just wear short sleeves, you know?

01:38:06.020 But I feel like I would always get tattooed for myself.

01:38:08.920 Like I just like to look at images or I like what it looks like with the appearance of it.

01:38:15.100 I, in the middle of nowhere in Indiana, like I dress like this every day.

01:38:21.460 And it's like, but it's not for anybody else other than, why are you laughing?

01:38:25.520 I could just see how many men have like pulled up back at home.

01:38:28.720 Like, honey, I seen a damn apparition down there.

01:38:32.260 That damnest neighborhood is going to shit.

01:38:35.700 So, I think there's something interesting about, or no, there's some, look, I think

01:38:43.940 a lot of men, I remember in our town, a lot of men would go and cry over by the Winn-Dixie

01:38:47.460 in their truck.

01:38:48.160 I remember.

01:38:48.740 Why?

01:38:49.300 I don't know why, but we would go ride our bike over there sometimes.

01:38:51.980 It was like a sad place.

01:38:53.360 Like I think men would just go sit over there and be sad sometimes.

01:38:56.600 I remember seeing that.

01:38:58.040 But yeah, I think there was something very alluring about a goth woman to me.

01:39:03.080 It seemed like a siren, you know, like in that book for Odysseus, you know what I'm

01:39:07.420 talking about?

01:39:07.740 Yeah, yeah.

01:39:08.440 It seemed, that's what it seemed like.

01:39:10.320 There was like something like, what's going on?

01:39:13.900 Yeah.

01:39:14.580 This is different.

01:39:16.300 It's different.

01:39:17.940 You know?

01:39:18.500 I think it's, well, it's brave to be different.

01:39:21.120 I think so that may be like, well, yeah, was there an element of like, this feels brave

01:39:25.820 to me?

01:39:26.200 Like, I'm just interested how somebody kind of leans into that or how they, you know,

01:39:31.940 not that they're joining a group, but it's like, what, how does that kind of, yeah.

01:39:39.020 Why does, why does one goth, you know?

01:39:41.940 Yeah.

01:39:42.300 I mean, I don't know.

01:39:43.280 I just like what I like, I think.

01:39:45.300 And I just do more of that or do a lot of that, I guess.

01:39:50.480 Yeah.

01:39:51.560 Yeah.

01:39:51.920 It's interesting.

01:39:52.460 I've never gotten a, you know, I think there's maybe I might've dated a goth woman at some

01:39:56.560 point.

01:39:56.920 I don't remember, but I probably, I think I could have.

01:40:00.240 I think I did.

01:40:01.300 She didn't write you a poem?

01:40:02.500 Huh?

01:40:02.820 I'm sure she did.

01:40:04.460 I'm sure.

01:40:05.400 Dude, I was in the French quarter the other day with my brother and there's people there.

01:40:08.820 If you go up to them, they'll write a poem for you and your, and your friend that you're

01:40:12.800 about you.

01:40:13.220 Is it funny or is it like a, no, it was like,

01:40:15.400 a nice poem.

01:40:16.280 Okay.

01:40:16.680 They're like, okay, tell us a little bit about yourself.

01:40:18.260 And I was like, oh, this is my brother.

01:40:19.600 And you know, and so you tell them a couple of little things, you know, and then you have

01:40:23.660 to stay in there for about 11 minutes.

01:40:25.140 That's the tough part.

01:40:26.280 You know, because they're on typewriters.

01:40:27.840 Yeah.

01:40:28.100 Yeah.

01:40:28.260 Oh, that's, that's.

01:40:28.940 And they're all sitting there, sitting there on typewriters, like a row of like four of

01:40:31.760 them.

01:40:31.840 And everybody's just like, and there's like music playing, like people are playing the street

01:40:35.180 music and it was pretty awesome.

01:40:36.940 We had a great time and yeah, we got a nice little Christmas gift there.

01:40:39.440 That's cool.

01:40:40.120 It was super cool.

01:40:40.900 Yeah.

01:40:41.040 It was real nice.

01:40:41.660 But yeah, they had, yeah, I was, oh, I was in a class with this lady and she was, she

01:40:46.920 smoked a lot of weed.

01:40:47.920 Like her, some of her, I think she had discolorated teeth from her mom belt, but she was awesome.

01:40:53.740 She was like the stoner teacher, kind of her alleged stoner.

01:40:57.080 And we would write poems in there all day.

01:40:58.820 So I think that's maybe where I saw some guy.

01:41:00.360 Were her teeth, they were yellow?

01:41:03.000 I think they had a tint to them.

01:41:04.380 I don't want to, yeah, I don't want to call, you know, I don't know.

01:41:06.420 She could have had a.

01:41:07.320 I'm so self-conscious about my teeth lately.

01:41:09.360 I feel like in pictures, cause I wear lipstick all the time.

01:41:12.600 No, I feel like I'm looking at yours.

01:41:14.060 Yours are super white.

01:41:14.940 Mine are not white.

01:41:15.480 I'm not even going to show them anymore.

01:41:16.960 And I was like, I even Googled like why?

01:41:18.840 Cause I brush and floss like crazy and I quit smoking.

01:41:22.020 So I thought, oh, I'm going to get white teeth.

01:41:23.380 It's going to be amazing.

01:41:24.400 And then I just, it's just not happening.

01:41:26.580 I don't know what to do about it.

01:41:27.480 I don't want to get, I won't get the fake teeth that everyone's getting now.

01:41:30.740 It's great.

01:41:31.400 Everyone looks crazy.

01:41:32.580 Hey, brother.

01:41:33.440 They look so crazy.

01:41:34.900 I'm like, damn, what have you been eating, buddy?

01:41:38.560 Electricity?

01:41:39.740 Huh?

01:41:40.620 What have you been eating, dude?

01:41:42.980 Hey, have you got gloss finished teeth?

01:41:45.320 What's crazy is if your teeth look very nice, I would, yeah.

01:41:48.340 I have nice teeth.

01:41:48.800 Your teeth are whiter than your skin.

01:41:50.600 No, your teeth are so white.

01:41:52.580 Nuh-uh.

01:41:53.340 Yeah, huh.

01:41:54.260 Oh, I guarantee you not.

01:41:55.560 But this is, look, everybody watching is like, these people have the yellowest fucking teeth.

01:42:00.500 These idiots.

01:42:01.220 I just, well, I'll live with my yellow if it means not having, like, chiclet teeth or whatever everyone has.

01:42:11.680 Oh, my mom was always brushing her teeth and putting on hand cream.

01:42:14.920 Yeah.

01:42:15.340 Oh, our house could be burning down, but as long as she was getting her hand cream on.

01:42:18.520 Yeah.

01:42:19.300 Yeah, it was pretty cool, though, actually.

01:42:22.060 I think, yeah, it was just, you know, she'd always have that hand cream.

01:42:25.700 I would always like to have it.

01:42:27.040 I think it was probably calming to her, too, maybe to be doing, to kind of do this with her hands.

01:42:31.760 I wonder what my son's going to take away from, like, that's one of your little core memories.

01:42:36.720 And I'm like, I wonder what.

01:42:37.980 Oh, what his will be?

01:42:39.000 Yeah.

01:42:39.720 Ooh.

01:42:40.640 Because he's so sweet.

01:42:42.600 He learned the word ravishing.

01:42:44.140 Now he's like this morning, Mom, you look ravishing.

01:42:48.120 Look, thanks.

01:42:50.860 You're like, go get in that tree for family pictures.

01:42:53.540 Actually, no.

01:42:54.640 Dude, that would be a neat idea.

01:42:55.640 No, we do a lot of family portraits together.

01:42:59.380 And I, like, I love our little family because we just, we look like a little family, you know?

01:43:05.180 Like, my son, he is not scared about, like, what I think.

01:43:11.600 I'm not scared, but, like, spooky to him is fun because it's what he's around.

01:43:15.500 You know what I mean?

01:43:15.820 Yeah.

01:43:15.940 So his normal is a lot different than, like, normal kids.

01:43:17.960 And we get a lot of criticism about that, too, because, you know, because he wears black or he'll, like, I'm like, that's what he likes.

01:43:26.760 Like, at this point, he sees his dad or his mom.

01:43:29.040 You know, it's, like, it's normal to him.

01:43:30.820 So we did, like, a photo shoot for this.

01:43:34.040 It was actually for, like, an interview, like, for a magazine thing.

01:43:37.320 And they wanted to shoot us in front of our house.

01:43:39.080 And so I was like, oh, there's, like, this little fountain.

01:43:40.980 And I had, like, my little, like, Tim Burton, like, parasol thing.

01:43:44.560 And people just hated it.

01:43:47.440 I think they just hated seeing, like, it bothers them that we don't look normal.

01:43:52.920 I don't understand.

01:43:53.700 It's really weird.

01:43:55.160 I would think that you would think, like, oh, that's cute.

01:43:57.000 It's very, like, Adam's family or something, you know?

01:43:59.420 Well, even, like we were saying earlier, people want to put, and I do it, too.

01:44:03.020 I want to have a box.

01:44:04.080 I want to have a safe space for things to be in.

01:44:07.040 I don't want things to, I'm okay with the edges fraying.

01:44:11.980 But I think there's a part of me, even, like, a system of organization, I think.

01:44:16.320 Because your brain just, all your brain does is just organize.

01:44:19.000 It's just an organizing tool.

01:44:20.240 That's true, yeah.

01:44:20.780 So I think when things start to get a little weary, they don't know, you know.

01:44:23.760 People don't know what's going on.

01:44:25.460 Yeah.

01:44:25.920 What, um, what's your husband like?

01:44:28.380 He's cool.

01:44:28.980 He's, uh, his name is Raphael, and my son's name is Leofar, which is Raphael spelled backwards.

01:44:35.180 Leofar.

01:44:35.720 Yeah, it's pretty cool.

01:44:36.560 Wow.

01:44:37.120 I know.

01:44:37.400 I wish I had a cool name that sounded good backwards.

01:44:39.900 Yeah.

01:44:40.460 I don't.

01:44:41.240 Yeah.

01:44:42.400 But it's cool.

01:44:43.360 He, uh.

01:44:43.500 You don't.

01:44:44.180 I just read it.

01:44:45.080 I know.

01:44:46.020 Sorry.

01:44:46.780 Yeah, right?

01:44:47.260 Sorry.

01:44:47.860 But yeah.

01:44:48.440 Dinov attack.

01:44:49.240 Yeah.

01:44:49.520 Dinov attack.

01:44:50.580 Dinov attack.

01:44:51.540 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

01:44:51.940 But yeah, it's very, you should get your son a vulture or something for Christmas.

01:44:57.740 I bet.

01:44:58.980 Anyway, sorry.

01:44:59.980 Yeah.

01:45:00.140 Sorry.

01:45:00.520 You bet what?

01:45:01.140 Sorry for making so many jokes about.

01:45:02.460 I love it.

01:45:03.060 I love it.

01:45:03.380 Your aesthetic and stuff.

01:45:04.340 Yeah.

01:45:04.720 But it's cool.

01:45:05.600 I never.

01:45:05.920 Some of them are very accurate, though.

01:45:07.280 Well, I wish I'd gotten to talk to more people that are goth people.

01:45:10.780 I think I don't ever do.

01:45:12.420 I don't know if I don't go to enough goth places.

01:45:14.820 I think I've always kind of had an affinity for goth women, maybe, I think.

01:45:18.860 Like, oh, my brother likes goth women, too, I think.

01:45:22.080 Or he likes creative ladies, kind of.

01:45:23.980 Yeah, like artsy.

01:45:24.580 Yeah.

01:45:25.200 And yeah, I think where I was growing up, being artsy was weird, you know?

01:45:28.500 Yeah, yeah.

01:45:28.600 I think it was like people thought you was gay or something, you know?

01:45:32.360 Or you was damn gay or whatever.

01:45:34.340 If you, you know, did.

01:45:35.500 Like, I remember if you got good grades, you know, people thought you were homosexual, you know?

01:45:39.920 Oh, yeah, dude.

01:45:41.120 And so it was like, yeah.

01:45:43.120 So I think being brave enough, probably.

01:45:45.860 Yeah.

01:45:46.420 And when I was little to have somebody be, like, unique.

01:45:53.180 Yeah.

01:45:53.420 Like you seem, like you are, I think that would have been.

01:46:00.000 So maybe that's why I think it's really fascinating.

01:46:03.260 I think it's maybe the trauma.

01:46:05.140 Like, that's, like, because I think about why does it, why do I think cigarettes are sexy, right?

01:46:10.060 Like, because there's this, like, sense of, like, you don't care that you're damaging yourself.

01:46:16.780 Oh, yeah.

01:46:17.160 There's, like, a, not a danger to it, but just, like, it's self-destructive a little bit.

01:46:22.940 And I think with, maybe it's just, like, they're, I don't know.

01:46:28.700 Like, some of my favorite bands and the music I listen to, it's, like, there's some stuff that I'm, like, oh, they're good.

01:46:34.260 But you could tell they just, like, they don't have any trauma.

01:46:38.400 Like, and so it's, like, I just don't listen to happy music.

01:46:41.220 I don't like happy, I don't, I'm not attracted to it.

01:46:43.600 You know what I mean?

01:46:44.340 Yeah.

01:46:44.580 Um, so, yeah, maybe that's what it's, what it takes.

01:46:48.900 I know I've had trauma.

01:46:50.160 I mean, I've seen some crazy things.

01:46:52.040 Do a lot of people mistake you and Dave Navarro ever or not?

01:46:55.320 No.

01:46:56.020 But you know what I do hate is, like, um, because I really want to have bangs.

01:47:00.520 And every time I've ever cut bangs, people call me, say that I look like Cher.

01:47:04.960 And I don't think I look anything like Cher.

01:47:07.200 I think it's because we have a deep voice, right?

01:47:09.520 Oh, yeah.

01:47:10.160 I don't know.

01:47:10.500 That could be it.

01:47:11.340 I saw Cher at a game.

01:47:12.560 I think she was running around with a young brother at a, at a, at a, at the Super Bowl

01:47:15.900 last year.

01:47:16.580 Yeah?

01:47:17.060 Yeah.

01:47:17.420 She's dating, like, a 17-year-old, I think.

01:47:19.300 Or 18.

01:47:20.040 Sorry.

01:47:20.660 Yeah.

01:47:21.140 But, um, yeah.

01:47:23.820 Um.

01:47:25.120 Yeah, but I don't look like Dave Navarro.

01:47:26.780 Take that back.

01:47:27.520 Sorry.

01:47:27.820 You don't look anything like Dave Navarro.

01:47:29.380 I was just trying to think if, like, somebody were, like, really ridiculous that they would

01:47:32.940 run up and say that.

01:47:34.040 Dude, the saddest thing, his, that his mother got murdered.

01:47:38.420 I know.

01:47:38.720 I did a portrait of her on him.

01:47:40.260 You did?

01:47:40.780 Yeah.

01:47:41.120 No way.

01:47:42.420 Mm-hmm.

01:47:43.320 Wow.

01:47:43.780 Yeah.

01:47:45.060 Uh, the street I lived on is where it happened in Los Angeles.

01:47:47.560 Oh, really?

01:47:48.120 Yeah.

01:47:48.480 And it always, I always think about him all the time.

01:47:52.040 For some reason, I guess because of that or something.

01:47:54.300 Yeah.

01:47:54.540 He's an interesting guy.

01:47:55.320 I never got to meet him.

01:47:56.660 Uh, I'm, I don't, I don't really know him that well.

01:47:59.660 Yeah.

01:47:59.960 Yeah.

01:48:00.500 Yeah.

01:48:00.700 I never got to know him or, or know anything about him.

01:48:02.980 But yeah, I just remember that.

01:48:04.320 I like Jane's Addiction.

01:48:05.580 Oh, dude.

01:48:06.400 Yeah.

01:48:06.900 Bro, a friend of mine threw his one-year-old birthday's kid, his kid's birthday at Perry

01:48:11.000 Farrell's house, right?

01:48:11.860 Oh, cool.

01:48:12.480 So I knew about, I didn't know, I knew about Jane's Addiction, but I didn't know Perry Farrell,

01:48:16.820 right?

01:48:17.020 Yeah.

01:48:17.460 So I'm over there just kind of lurking, loitering.

01:48:19.820 Wait, wait, somebody's kid's birthday?

01:48:21.740 Yeah, my friend, uh, they didn't have a lot of, like, they, like, you know, in LA, a lot

01:48:25.860 of times if somebody finally gets a nice house, everybody starts throwing their children's

01:48:29.420 parties there because it's a big enough space.

01:48:31.440 Yeah.

01:48:31.600 Okay.

01:48:32.100 So yeah, they did it there and Perry Farrell was in there and I didn't know, I was just

01:48:35.580 kind of loitering around in the other room because I'm hanging out with a bunch of

01:48:38.040 fucking one-year-olds, you know what I'm saying?

01:48:40.380 Well, I was just thinking about this the other day because it was my kid's birthday, right?

01:48:43.200 And he's, like, super into Billy Idol right now, like, he loves Billy Idol and he, not

01:48:47.880 even Billy Idol, he loves Steve Stevens, which is the guitarist of Billy Idol and I just love

01:48:51.740 that my kid thinks he's so cool, you know?

01:48:53.640 And he has this little, like, plastic red guitar that, like, he'll be in front of the

01:48:57.800 mayor at the house and he'll make the faces like Steve Stevens.

01:49:00.540 And so I tattooed Steve a while back, I did a portrait of his beautiful wife on him and

01:49:04.500 I was like, I texted him, I'm like, and I sent him a video of my son, like, and in the

01:49:09.500 video I'm like, hey, who are you?

01:49:10.820 And he's like, I'm Steve Stevens.

01:49:12.140 And, like, you know, like, it's just the coolest.

01:49:14.780 There's a picture of him there.

01:49:16.200 Yeah, right?

01:49:16.660 That's cool.

01:49:17.380 Exactly.

01:49:17.860 I'm like, oh, I love it.

01:49:18.740 See, my son gets it, you know?

01:49:20.420 And so I was like, should I, because my friends were like, are you going to ask him to come

01:49:24.840 because I did a rock and roll themed birthday party for him?

01:49:26.860 Like, are you going to ask Steve Stevens to come?

01:49:28.260 And I was like, no, dude, I'm not going to do that because I feel like, that's one thing

01:49:33.020 that irks me about, like, LA people that they'll do that when they get weird about

01:49:36.580 their kids and they'll be like, I want to get, like, without naming names, I've, like,

01:49:40.480 dated some people that put their kids on these weird pedestals and they'll, like, use their

01:49:46.720 name to get people to, you know?

01:49:48.880 Right.

01:49:49.260 So it's like, I was like, no, I'm not going to.

01:49:51.480 And also, like, it'll be weird if he just, like, shows up and is just hanging out with,

01:49:54.760 like, a bunch of.

01:49:55.380 And a five-year-old if he's hanging out with a five-year-old.

01:49:57.540 Yeah.

01:49:57.920 Or just, it'll be boring for him, right?

01:49:59.500 Yeah.

01:49:59.720 It's like, it's not like him and Steve Stevens to take a walk and talk about their careers

01:50:03.640 or whatever together.

01:50:04.160 It's like, yeah, that part, I think, would be kind of the strange part.

01:50:07.220 I think it'd be really probably sweet for your son.

01:50:09.260 Even though I did ask, I did ask Leofar, I'm like, hey, what would you do if Steve, if

01:50:12.960 you hung out with Steve, he's like, I would take him to the pirate park because there's,

01:50:15.880 like, a pirate ship park there.

01:50:17.220 I'm like, oh, cool.

01:50:19.860 Show him your Sonic the Hedgehog toy.

01:50:23.160 Did you?

01:50:24.440 But one time, one time, a long time ago, Kirstie Alley hit me up.

01:50:29.140 Really?

01:50:29.440 And was like, hey, my son, True, is, like, your biggest fan, and he's having, and this

01:50:36.460 is when he was really little.

01:50:38.500 He's, like, an adult now.

01:50:40.000 But we're having a Kat Von D-themed birthday party, and she showed me the cake.

01:50:44.660 And she's like, I know it's weird and annoying, but do you think you could come over and just,

01:50:48.880 like, surprise him?

01:50:50.140 And I was just like, Kirstie Alley's so cool, you know?

01:50:54.220 Like, I loved her, you know?

01:50:55.840 And I was like, should I go over there?

01:50:57.500 And I was tattooing that day, and afterwards, I just rolled up, and it was just so awkward

01:51:01.840 because it was just like, hi!

01:51:03.360 And then you're just like, I don't have any tricks, like, you know?

01:51:06.440 There's nothing to do.

01:51:07.960 So, yeah.

01:51:08.900 Oh, there's nothing weirder than when you realize you don't have a skill, like, an actual, like,

01:51:12.700 skill set.

01:51:13.360 Yeah, things to do, like, big balloons or something.

01:51:14.680 Unless you start tattooing little kids, you know?

01:51:17.760 Dude, my best friend, Scott, his aunt worked with Kirstie Alley, and we went out to Maine

01:51:24.300 one time, which is, that's where they live at, like, out on Owlsboro Island.

01:51:29.540 Really?

01:51:29.860 And so we got to go out there, and we got to go eat dinner at her house one time.

01:51:32.840 Oh, cool.

01:51:33.700 It was pretty cool, I think.

01:51:35.320 That's cool.

01:51:35.620 Like, memory's not that great, but I think it was pretty great.

01:51:38.240 Yeah.

01:51:38.480 And she had a tennis court that was, like, kind of in the ocean on these rocks.

01:51:43.160 It was literally in the ocean.

01:51:45.340 So it was just, like...

01:51:46.340 So cool.

01:51:47.060 And being on, like, Maine is so, like, you know, it's, like, so just, like, yeah, we'll

01:51:53.040 see about that.

01:51:54.080 Yeah.

01:51:54.280 You know?

01:51:54.660 It's got that fucking grit in it.

01:51:56.700 Yeah.

01:51:57.640 Stephen King grit.

01:51:58.860 Yeah, a lot of fucking domestic abuse up there as well.

01:52:01.600 I'm not pointing fingers, but you could point them anywhere up there, and you'd be right.

01:52:05.600 But, yeah, I love that place.

01:52:08.340 Portland, Maine, have you been there?

01:52:10.240 Portland?

01:52:10.680 No.

01:52:11.580 One of my most favorite cities.

01:52:13.100 Oh, really?

01:52:13.520 Yeah, I didn't know it would be amazing, and it actually blew my mind.

01:52:16.020 Okay.

01:52:16.660 Is there a place that you really like?

01:52:20.280 I'm not going to say it, because it's uber-goth.

01:52:23.740 Oh, it is?

01:52:25.380 Transylvania?

01:52:26.380 No, I would say, like, Prague was my favorite place.

01:52:29.440 Oh, yeah.

01:52:30.000 Yeah, just the gothic architecture and stuff.

01:52:32.000 And also, I love Beethoven, and, like, I'm going to be a nerd right now, but one of his

01:52:37.640 apartments is there, and so I went and, like, took a picture in front of the apartment and

01:52:41.020 everything.

01:52:41.540 Oh, that's cool.

01:52:42.340 Yeah.

01:52:43.420 Yeah, I'm trying to think if I've seen anybody's good death place or a place that's, like,

01:52:48.500 have you ever done any weird, like, rituals or something?

01:52:51.560 I'm sure people think that you've done some.

01:52:53.660 No, no, but my friend and I, we used to collect pictures at cemeteries all around the

01:52:59.980 world, which I thought was really cool.

01:53:02.280 Yeah.

01:53:02.460 Yeah, like, I think my two favorite cemeteries that I've ever been to, well, there's three,

01:53:07.500 but they're obviously in Paris.

01:53:10.800 There's the famous one where Edith Piaf and Oscar Wilde and everyone else is buried there.

01:53:15.920 And then there's one in Argentina that is, like, the coolest one ever, and there's, like,

01:53:20.280 this huge wait list to get buried there.

01:53:23.000 But it's just the most monumental mosques or whatever they're called, but super cool.

01:53:29.720 You just walk and see all the architecture.

01:53:32.500 Yeah.

01:53:32.820 And New Orleans is like that, too.

01:53:34.240 I went to the New Orleans ones.

01:53:36.100 It was good, but it was right after the Hurricane Katrina.

01:53:38.940 A lot of the, like, body parts and things were-

01:53:41.540 Are back up.

01:53:41.940 Yeah.

01:53:42.400 Yeah.

01:53:42.880 A lot of people coming back to, like, probably get money from the government or whatever.

01:53:47.240 Like, even bodies were like, you know, you see an arm coming out of the ground, like,

01:53:50.680 give me a check, you know?

01:53:52.160 It's just that kind of city, I think, over there.

01:53:56.420 What else do you want to do?

01:53:58.720 You've had an interesting life, Kat.

01:54:00.240 Yeah.

01:54:01.960 And look, I know some of the things we say, like being able to leave Los Angeles and do

01:54:05.440 that kind of things, we've at least had enough, been able to, like, I don't know.

01:54:11.020 I sometimes wonder, does that seem, like, egotistical, you know?

01:54:15.060 I mean, I never want to put down, like, L.A. because I love L.A., you know?

01:54:19.560 Like, I love the dirt there.

01:54:21.620 I love my friends.

01:54:22.340 I love a lot of aspects of it.

01:54:24.900 Yeah.

01:54:25.240 And the weather, being able to go to the beach if you want.

01:54:27.480 Ugh, the beach.

01:54:28.840 Oh, yeah.

01:54:29.140 That's true, huh?

01:54:29.780 Yeah.

01:54:30.080 That's your arch nemesis.

01:54:31.060 Yeah.

01:54:31.600 The sun.

01:54:32.460 I forgot about that.

01:54:33.820 Sorry.

01:54:35.480 You gotta put me back in that little box with a bow on it.

01:54:39.020 Yeah.

01:54:40.220 I know.

01:54:40.820 What if your name had been Kat Vitamin D?

01:54:42.680 That would have been so ironic.

01:54:44.340 Well, you know, I thought, like, what if you and I would have gotten married, then my name

01:54:47.220 would have been Kat Von Von?

01:54:49.400 Yeah.

01:54:50.100 Yeah.

01:54:50.580 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

01:54:52.380 You're like, damn, this lady's interested looking, but even crazier, she's got dyslexia.

01:54:58.620 Oh, who that stutter?

01:55:00.120 Or a stutter, yeah.

01:55:01.000 The stuttering Icelandic chick?

01:55:02.700 Yeah, she's something.

01:55:05.320 Oh, that's cute.

01:55:06.420 Yeah.

01:55:08.040 Oh, there's some pictures that we had of some tattoos that we wanted to just look at with you.

01:55:14.160 Is that okay for a minute?

01:55:15.160 Okay.

01:55:15.520 I'm sure people have done this a lot.

01:55:17.160 Do I have to say bad things about them?

01:55:18.680 No, no, no.

01:55:19.000 Okay.

01:55:19.320 We can just say whatever we want.

01:55:20.200 Oh, but I want to ask about your tattoos.

01:55:21.580 Oh, yeah.

01:55:21.880 So you are getting inked out.

01:55:25.760 What is it?

01:55:26.040 Is there a term for it?

01:55:26.740 It's really fascinating looking.

01:55:27.980 Yeah, thanks.

01:55:28.180 It reminds me of one of those hairless cats, kind of.

01:55:29.720 Yeah, I have hairless cats.

01:55:31.900 Yeah, I've been blacking out all of my tattoos, and so I'm in the process.

01:55:35.600 I have, like, almost 80% of my body done now.

01:55:38.400 Oh, my God.

01:55:39.600 Yeah, but it's not going to look like I'm wearing a scuba diving, like, thing.

01:55:44.900 I'm going to have, like, these, like, black flowers kind of, you know.

01:55:48.740 So how long does this process take kind of to do all that?

01:55:52.840 So I think I'm up to 40 hours now.

01:55:56.280 So, but, I mean, I've done, like, the arms were.

01:55:58.540 That's a work week.

01:55:59.420 Yeah.

01:56:00.080 But in increments, you know, I go and I can't sit for more than two or three hours.

01:56:03.960 And there's this guy in Philly that he, like, specializes in it.

01:56:07.560 But it's funny because, you know, when I first got into tattooing was during a time when there was no tattoo shows or anything.

01:56:14.960 So it was, like, you would not get hired if you had a face tattoo or, you know what I mean?

01:56:19.120 It was a different era.

01:56:20.620 And then I think when, like, certain celebrities started getting tattooed, like, the Drew Barrymore's and the Angelina Jolie's, like, it started kind of bringing it to the, like, if you had a tattoo, a cute one, it was okay, you know.

01:56:33.680 And then the TV shows, like, blew up and then everybody has a tattoo now and it's kind of boring.

01:56:38.880 But I feel like ever since I started blacking out my tattoos, I feel like I went back to the time where people hated tattoos again because people just do not like this.

01:56:50.260 They, like, they're very confused by why I'm doing this.

01:56:53.260 Every time I post progress shots, it's always, like, why are you doing this to yourself?

01:56:57.120 Like, this is so ugly.

01:56:58.020 Like, this is, you know.

01:56:59.380 I think it looks, for some reason, I didn't know what, I think it looks nice.

01:57:03.720 I do, too.

01:57:04.480 I like the simplicity.

01:57:05.120 It's very interesting.

01:57:06.340 Yeah.

01:57:07.040 It's almost fascinating in a strange way.

01:57:09.600 Like, it's, like, the inverse of something.

01:57:11.920 Yeah, exactly.

01:57:12.980 You know, it's like that car, it's like car, I don't know what it is.

01:57:18.280 But it's, yeah, it's, I'm not, I don't like pain.

01:57:21.540 And so I, you know, I just numb myself up and, you know, he sits there and tattoos me.

01:57:27.100 Now, when you say numb yourself, what do you put on, an analgesic or something or you do a pill?

01:57:30.780 There's, like, topical anesthetics.

01:57:32.160 Oh, okay.

01:57:32.800 Like a cream.

01:57:33.820 Does that work, really?

01:57:34.940 Yeah.

01:57:35.740 I mean, it saves me, like, a good an hour and a half or something like that.

01:57:38.960 Yeah.

01:57:39.460 No, I can't do pills.

01:57:40.380 I can't do anything.

01:57:41.500 Yeah.

01:57:42.140 Yeah.

01:57:42.660 Oh, yeah.

01:57:43.320 Yeah.

01:57:44.100 I can't do nothing like that, boy.

01:57:46.400 Nope.

01:57:47.000 I don't do no pills, bubby.

01:57:48.860 Yeah.

01:57:49.100 Um, and so how much, now you're going to get 80% of your body done?

01:57:53.200 No, I'm going to do all of it.

01:57:54.660 Your whole body's going to be in a, in a, uh, in dark ink?

01:57:59.460 Uh-huh.

01:58:00.580 Your whole body's going to be in dark ink?

01:58:02.240 Yeah.

01:58:02.800 And now what?

01:58:03.620 But it'll have, like, sections that are, like, you know, like, see how there's.

01:58:06.140 Okay, so parts that aren't.

01:58:07.280 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

01:58:08.180 Oh, interesting.

01:58:10.600 Wow, it's almost like, uh, it reminds me of, like, stained glass or something for some reason.

01:58:17.720 It'll look nice.

01:58:18.460 I'm like, like, people need to trust the process.

01:58:21.000 It'll look good at the end.

01:58:22.640 Yeah.

01:58:22.900 If anybody has an eye for something that's unique or trying to do something new, I like that.

01:58:27.340 Yeah.

01:58:27.680 It seems like you would be at least granted that ability to experiment.

01:58:33.820 Yeah.

01:58:34.240 Oh, yeah.

01:58:34.760 Here's a video of you right here.

01:58:36.140 Yeah.

01:58:36.500 So that's, like, my last session I did.

01:58:39.760 Wow.

01:58:40.460 I felt after.

01:58:41.180 Ooh, what is that?

01:58:42.480 Boy, is that a damn cake cutter?

01:58:43.720 That's 40 needles.

01:58:45.060 Yeah.

01:58:45.640 Damn, brother, that thing.

01:58:47.960 Ooh.

01:58:49.620 Wow.

01:58:52.980 Yeah.

01:58:53.920 That's cool.

01:58:55.180 Where do your, do your folks, have your folks been to visit your new place?

01:58:58.020 My dad has, yeah.

01:58:59.080 Yeah.

01:58:59.220 My dad's my contractor, so.

01:59:00.640 Oh, he is, huh?

01:59:01.500 Yeah.

01:59:01.540 Oh, good.

01:59:02.180 You can bitch at him easier.

01:59:04.220 And what about your mom?

01:59:06.220 She lives in Southern California.

01:59:08.520 Oh, yeah?

01:59:08.880 Yeah.

01:59:09.280 Are you guys close or not?

01:59:10.900 Not as close, yeah.

01:59:12.140 But I think, you know, once I, when I had my son, I feel like she likes being a grandma.

01:59:16.740 Oh, she does?

01:59:17.460 Yeah.

01:59:17.600 Yeah, I think so.

01:59:18.240 Oh, that's cool.

01:59:19.200 Yeah.

01:59:19.700 Yeah, that's one thing that's fascinating about kids.

01:59:21.460 It, like, gives your family a chance to, like, regroup a little, I think.

01:59:25.460 You know, I remember when my niece was born, it just, like, was the first time that our

01:59:28.900 family started to have any semblance of a family.

01:59:31.720 Oh, really?

01:59:32.280 Because we all had one thing in common that we cared about.

01:59:34.660 Yeah.

01:59:34.980 And it was undisputable.

01:59:36.420 Yeah.

01:59:36.640 And so it was, like, it starts to, like, other things start to kind of bloom from that a

01:59:42.380 little bit.

01:59:43.260 Yeah.

01:59:43.280 That's cool.

01:59:44.580 Yeah, that must be traumatic hearing people's stories when they come to tattoo, because some

01:59:47.780 people are coming with a story, huh?

01:59:49.340 Yeah.

01:59:50.180 Every single one.

01:59:51.040 I don't think I've ever tattooed somebody that just, you know, was getting tattooed out

01:59:54.260 of boredom or anything like that.

01:59:55.720 Yeah.

01:59:56.180 Yeah.

01:59:56.480 A lot of our therapists in the world are getting, they're oversaturated with pain, I think,

02:00:02.080 from other people.

02:00:02.900 Yeah?

02:00:03.520 Yeah.

02:00:03.780 What do you mean?

02:00:04.280 I just think there's a lot of therapists.

02:00:05.700 A lot of my friends that are therapists, they are oversaturated with people's, you know,

02:00:10.560 because even if somebody shares their story of uncomfort or pain, it still lands on somebody.

02:00:14.680 Yeah.

02:00:15.160 You know?

02:00:15.600 And I find a lot of my friends that are therapists are starting to struggle because

02:00:19.680 they are, like, waterlogged with other people's, like, trauma and sharing of it and

02:00:25.440 stuff.

02:00:26.060 Yeah, that's got to be a heavy job.

02:00:27.600 Well, that's what I thought.

02:00:28.320 When you said that about tattoo workers, I never thought, or artists, tattoo artists, I'd never thought

02:00:32.040 about that.

02:00:32.600 Yeah.

02:00:33.660 I mean, I love hearing people's stories, so I'm always very welcoming to, or I was welcoming

02:00:38.620 to all that stuff, so, you know, it never bothered me, but I know that a lot of tattooers

02:00:42.140 didn't want to.

02:00:42.980 Didn't want to hear it?

02:00:43.720 Yeah.

02:00:44.100 What would they do?

02:00:45.020 What do you say?

02:00:45.580 Quiet tattoo time only?

02:00:47.060 No, I just think that, like, I think when the TV shows came out, people saw it as an outlet

02:00:53.420 for therapy, which it can be, you know, but some people aren't equipped emotionally to

02:00:58.560 do that, you know?

02:00:59.340 For me, I'm like, I can talk about anything.

02:01:02.020 I don't care.

02:01:02.420 Yeah, you know?

02:01:03.640 And I ended up studying books on death and everything just so I could better understand

02:01:07.200 grieving processes and stuff.

02:01:08.580 I'm not a therapist by any means, but, you know.

02:01:11.960 Well, these days, anybody who will listen to somebody caringly, I think, is better than

02:01:16.060 half.

02:01:16.280 Sometimes it's better even than half the stuff we have out there.

02:01:18.700 Yeah.

02:01:19.860 There's a lot of shit therapists out there, too.

02:01:21.740 Yeah, yeah.

02:01:22.120 You know?

02:01:22.440 Because anybody can do it.

02:01:23.780 Yeah.

02:01:24.180 You just have to go to school, and then they'll let you do it.

02:01:27.420 Yeah.

02:01:27.860 That's like crazy, dude.

02:01:29.460 Yeah, I wonder how much of that works.

02:01:31.360 Yeah.

02:01:31.940 But, I mean, there's a lot of great therapists, too.

02:01:33.520 But you have a lot of therapist friends?

02:01:35.020 Yeah.

02:01:35.400 Oh.

02:01:35.580 A lot of friends that are therapists, and you just start to see that they're getting...

02:01:38.400 I start to notice a lot of them having a tough time, and it's like, I think a lot

02:01:42.200 of that is just them taking on that, people's pain, you know?

02:01:47.100 Yeah.

02:01:47.420 And I never thought that tattoo artists hear a lot of it.

02:01:49.820 Yeah.

02:01:50.020 I just never even thought about it.

02:01:51.440 Yeah.

02:01:51.680 I mean, different types, I'm sure.

02:01:53.140 Like, if you're doing dragons all day, I'm sure it's not the same experience, but...

02:01:59.480 What's the toughest part for somebody to get a tattoo on them?

02:02:02.240 What do you mean?

02:02:02.760 Toughest?

02:02:03.200 Like, pain-wise?

02:02:03.240 Like, the hardest part, yeah.

02:02:06.160 I think, like, some people assume that, like, if you have, like, a fatty area, it's not

02:02:12.620 going to hurt as much, but it's more based on your nerve setup.

02:02:14.920 So, you know, your spine, you're going to have a lot of nerves branching off of it.

02:02:19.440 So, places like your lower back or your butt, like, things like that are pretty sensitive,

02:02:24.940 but I don't know.

02:02:25.860 Like, your butt cheek is sensitive?

02:02:27.720 I remember, like, the crease where my leg meets my butt was, whew, fire.

02:02:32.620 Ooh, God, that seems scary.

02:02:34.020 The back of your kneecaps, like, ugh.

02:02:37.880 Do you think there's something about the pain of getting the tattoo that is also part of

02:02:42.920 the...

02:02:43.360 I don't know.

02:02:43.980 I don't...

02:02:44.180 I never...

02:02:44.620 I'm not one of those people.

02:02:45.880 I know there's, like, kinky people.

02:02:48.600 I never, like, I was...

02:02:50.240 That's not their thing.

02:02:51.140 I don't know.

02:02:51.720 I have a hard time with it.

02:02:53.380 Yeah.

02:02:53.560 I don't like it.

02:02:54.340 Anything else we can think about or talk about?

02:02:58.240 Did you ever find that video of Macaulay Culkin?

02:02:59.980 Yeah, I did.

02:03:05.160 I just thought that this was interesting.

02:03:06.580 I'd like to thank Brenda.

02:03:13.340 You are absolutely everything.

02:03:19.280 You're my champion.

02:03:20.180 You're the only person happier for me today than I am.

02:03:27.740 You're not only the best woman I've ever known, you're the best person I've ever known.

02:03:32.220 You've given me just all my purpose.

02:03:36.000 You've given me family.

02:03:36.840 You know, and after the birth of our two boys, you've become one of my three favorite people.

02:03:44.940 You're somewhere in there.

02:03:48.000 But, um...

02:03:49.060 I love you.

02:03:49.960 I love you so much.

02:03:52.520 So, yeah, to wrap things up, and in the spirit of the holiday season, I just want to say, uh...

02:03:57.900 Merry Christmas, you filthy animals.

02:04:00.200 There's a part in the beginning of that where he seems kind of like, he still seems like a kid and a man.

02:04:10.220 I never heard his speaking voice as an adult until now.

02:04:14.580 Yeah.

02:04:15.540 Is there anything else that you'd like to talk about, Kat?

02:04:17.500 Is there any other endeavors you think about in your world?

02:04:19.720 Do you think you'll go back to tattooing, or do you still do it?

02:04:22.100 Um, is that a weird question?

02:04:25.380 I don't know a ton about tattooing.

02:04:27.260 No, no, it's cool.

02:04:28.640 Um, yeah, I think I'll always want to tattoo until my eyesight goes or something.

02:04:33.480 But I don't know if I'm interested in doing, um, like, I just, you know, I stopped doing tattoos for money decades ago.

02:04:41.060 It's been like, you know, almost like 15 years or something.

02:04:45.920 Like, I just tattoo my friends, you know?

02:04:48.040 Oh, yeah?

02:04:48.460 Yeah, because I think, uh, the dynamic is, can be pretty intense sometimes if you're tattooing, like, people you don't know, you know?

02:04:58.780 So, because you're, like, in a room together intimately for, like, you know, hours.

02:05:03.640 You're stuck in there.

02:05:04.560 Sometimes, has it been a nightmare being stuck in a room with somebody?

02:05:07.280 Uh, I'm never alone, but, like, usually when I used to tattoo strangers.

02:05:12.240 Yeah.

02:05:12.640 But now, you know, um, I just tattoo my friends.

02:05:16.460 Do people, like, say they hire you for, like, a specific guest tattoo?

02:05:20.000 Like, does that kind of thing happen as a tattoo artist?

02:05:22.140 Like, when you get to have a claim as a tattoo artist, do they say, like, I want you to come and do my tattoo?

02:05:27.140 Like, I want to hire you, like.

02:05:29.120 Oh, like, how do you book an appointment, you mean?

02:05:30.960 Or, like, specifically, like, does that happen?

02:05:33.320 Like, some people might, like, uh, commission?

02:05:36.420 No, it's a call.

02:05:36.940 Commission?

02:05:37.460 Commission, yeah.

02:05:38.120 Yeah.

02:05:38.300 Yeah, I mean, I would always, yeah, I mean, it kind of works that way.

02:05:42.400 Like, people, when I used to take appointments, it would be more, like, they'd have to show me what they wanted to get and have, like, you know, a little bit of the backstory, that kind of thing.

02:05:51.740 And then we would have, like, a booking process.

02:05:54.660 But now, do people, does it ever, you get a ring from, like, a prince of, like, Nottingham or something?

02:06:00.240 And they want to, does that happen to?

02:06:02.000 Yeah, and I don't like that.

02:06:03.480 Okay.

02:06:03.740 I don't like when people, like, like, want me to go to them.

02:06:09.240 Because, like, first of all, it's, like, you're creating a sterile environment, and so, like, I don't want to do that in your kitchen, you know?

02:06:13.880 Right.

02:06:14.000 I've only done that, like, a few times for, for my friends' friends.

02:06:17.800 But, like, I, something about, like, I don't know, I don't like feeling like a, like a stripper or something.

02:06:24.760 Oh, so, okay, there's something about that then.

02:06:26.960 Oh, yeah, that's interesting.

02:06:27.760 Yeah.

02:06:28.400 Oh, I would hate to be a stripper.

02:06:29.900 I would be so bad at it.

02:06:33.100 I don't like people seeing my, I think, like, my butt sometimes, I think.

02:06:37.440 Like, sometimes if I hook up with a woman or something, I'll walk out of the room backwards.

02:06:42.580 Really?

02:06:43.340 Yeah.

02:06:44.220 I don't think there's anything wrong with it.

02:06:45.320 What's weird with it?

02:06:45.980 Nothing is wrong with it.

02:06:46.980 I think I just, like, I think it just.

02:06:49.280 Just know that when you stand up after we're done here.

02:06:51.840 I think people, it just makes me nervous.

02:06:53.940 I think because I know I look at people's butts sometimes, so I'm just like, dude, so I just got to stop looking at people's butts.

02:06:59.900 I'm self-conscious about that stuff, too, to be honest.

02:07:01.740 Like, I feel like I, even in photo shoots, I'll always try and conceal myself somehow.

02:07:07.440 Yeah.

02:07:08.160 I was like, hide behind things, but.

02:07:11.040 Yeah, I love to be hide.

02:07:12.400 Dude, I play, I can go seek, dude.

02:07:13.540 I go hide.

02:07:14.300 I'd fucking leave.

02:07:15.160 I'd go home, dude.

02:07:16.320 My buddy's out there looking for me for three hours, bro.

02:07:18.980 Fuck him, son.

02:07:20.460 That's life.

02:07:21.120 You better get used to it, buddy.

02:07:22.520 Yep, thank you so much, Kat Von D, and everybody, you just, you know, you can just find her wherever you usually find people in.

02:07:30.540 Best of luck with your new home.

02:07:31.640 I want to see when that tulip garden's going to be gone.

02:07:33.100 I know.

02:07:33.660 Yeah, you'll have to come up.

02:07:34.520 Yeah, what's the ETA on that thing, you think?

02:07:36.020 I think in spring is usually when they come up.

02:07:38.020 Yeah.

02:07:38.500 Boy.

02:07:39.320 Yeah.

02:07:39.820 That's going to be interesting.

02:07:41.120 Ooh, you got to get a good scarecrow in it.

02:07:44.160 Yeah.

02:07:44.740 Maybe not.

02:07:45.740 Yeah, you could.

02:07:46.820 Yeah.

02:07:47.780 You don't want to.

02:07:48.540 It's fine.

02:07:48.960 Yeah.

02:07:49.120 Yeah.

02:07:49.200 Yeah, that's all good.

02:07:51.300 Kat, thank you so much.

02:07:52.500 Yeah, no worries.

02:07:53.180 Thanks for having me.

02:07:53.880 Yeah.

02:07:54.780 Now I'm just floating on the breeze, and I feel I'm falling like these leaves.

02:08:00.480 I must be cornerstone.

02:08:05.900 Oh, but when I reach that ground, I'll share this peace of mind I found.

02:08:11.100 I can feel it in my bones, but it's going to take...

02:08:19.200 Yeah.

02:08:21.220 Yeah.

02:08:21.760 taht

02:08:34.080 Yeah.

02:08:34.140 Yeah.

02:08:34.300 Yeah.

02:08:34.820 Yeah.

02:08:35.580 Yeah.

02:08:36.260 Yeah.

02:08:36.460 Yeah.

02:08:38.380 Yeah.

02:08:46.700 Wow.

This Past Weekend with Theo Von - December 12, 2023

E474 Kat Von D

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