This Past Weekend with Theo Von

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00:01:00.020 I've got some new tour dates to tell you about. I'll be in Halifax, Nova Scotia on August 11th

00:01:05.920 at the Great Outdoors Comedy Festival. Get your tickets early starting Wednesday, March 13th

00:01:11.400 at 10 a.m. local time with pre-sale code RATKING. General on sale starts Friday, March 15th at 10 a.m.

00:01:18.860 local time. We thank you so much for the support. We also have tickets remaining in Atlanta, Georgia

00:01:25.780 and St. Louis, Missouri. Those shows are in April. Get all your tickets through theovon.com

00:01:32.880 slash T-O-U-R. Today's guest is an actor, comedian, podcaster. You may know him from a lot of his films,

00:01:43.360 or you may know him from his Armchair Expert podcast. This is my first time meeting him

00:01:50.020 today, and I'm excited about it. I'm looking forward to getting to know him. Today's guest

00:01:57.060 is Mr. Dex Shepard.

00:01:59.100 Shine that light on me

00:02:02.800 I'll sit and tell you my stories

00:02:08.720 Shine on me

00:02:13.480 And I will find a song

00:02:17.720 I'll be singing

00:02:18.900 I love you

00:02:19.580 I'm always amazed at those people that they find that live in, um, like they find them

00:02:33.640 and the kids have been living in like a basement or

00:02:36.700 An Ohio basement. It's generally an Ohio basement.

00:02:39.740 Yeah, I guess it's kind of like an Ohio pastime. I don't want to say

00:02:42.360 And is this a bit? Well, it says on the license plate, Ohio Buckeye State slash basement captives state

00:02:49.360 Yeah, dude. What if in years from now?

00:02:52.200 Sincerely, I've seen 12 of those stories over the years on the news and it's 100% of them have been in Ohio

00:02:57.320 Like middle of Ohio

00:02:58.800 Oh, definitely. It's like a let's they should do like always like hey show your basement, you know?

00:03:06.540 Yeah, I think there should be like mandatory basement sweeps in Ohio

00:03:10.280 Like you got taxes. You got the census fuck it task the census people with it

00:03:15.240 Like just need to know how many folks are here. We're gonna have to peek in the basement

00:03:18.200 Hey, I want us. I want those cellar doors open now, but it's wide open so we can just sniff around a little bit

00:03:26.140 Nothing personal just 12% of you have people in the basement

00:03:29.980 And so it'd be irresponsible for us and that take a little gander down there

00:03:34.760 I wonder if the world devolves so much that like

00:03:38.900 Things like that like the basement

00:03:41.620 Like basement

00:03:43.060 People

00:03:45.380 Becomes like a mascot for like the city like the city football team or something, you know

00:03:50.660 Like the cleveland basement

00:03:53.200 Basement people

00:03:54.280 Does louisiana have

00:03:57.380 Something that they over index in like when you're watching shows? Yeah, and they're like and you're like yeah, that's because michigan has i'm from michigan

00:04:07.140 I want to say 40% of date lines. I watch

00:04:11.860 Where the woman is married the husband. Yeah, that's gonna be michigan. Yeah, yeah

00:04:17.080 And then also if some militia members are gonna try to capture somebody that's generally gonna be in fact

00:04:24.860 Not to bring it down but the oklahoma city bombing was planned

00:04:29.580 At the amoco truck stop like six miles from my house. Oh wow. It's amazing man. Yeah, and that was in michigan

00:04:36.300 Yeah, yeah right off of us 23 and it was called the oasis truck stop and how they get it to oklahoma city today

00:04:42.300 People didn't bid on it, right? That's crazy. Um, he

00:04:45.900 Timothy mcveigh was that his name? Yeah, um

00:04:49.020 He just was regrouping in michigan's a great place to brush up on your militia skills

00:04:52.940 I think he was in there with some some of his militia guys

00:04:56.300 And then they needed a place to plan maybe some big tables to lay out stuff

00:05:00.540 And the oasis gas station was was turnkey for them

00:05:04.140 Well, that's what i'm watching the news and i'm like i'm a kid, you know ish and i'm like oasis gas station

00:05:09.740 We're like a i'm afraid to go in as a kid because there's men sleeping in their semis

00:05:14.860 I like when I run in for a candy bars, there's like a parking lot of men

00:05:19.100 Oh, it's a lot of those places. It's a real

00:05:21.980 I like to call it like a molesters gauntlet kind of that you run through

00:05:26.620 Yeah, you're like there's so many like pitfalls here

00:05:30.220 So many traps, you know a lot of like those truckers will leave like the

00:05:34.460 Candy right in front of the truck like just sure a couple dollar bills

00:05:39.740 Yeah, a little baggy with just some remnants of some some speed

00:05:45.180 Well, you know, I drive a bus. I have a I have a tour bus. Oh, you do now?

00:05:49.100 Yeah, not because I tour

00:05:51.100 Right because my family and I go out in it for a few weeks every summer. Oh, yeah, and I go to the sand dunes a lot

00:05:56.220 So regardless you go to the sand dunes you said yeah, I'm just making sure what you said

00:06:00.220 Yeah, I never been to the sand dunes, but you know that you know of them here in california glamis

00:06:04.700 It's not oh my god. Yeah, it's such a an incredibly weird and wonderful place

00:06:11.020 You can't believe it's in california the whole time. You're there

00:06:13.900 It's 400 square miles of sand dunes 20 by 20

00:06:17.580 And the folks that are there are like the folks from the oasis gas station that I grew up with and you're like wow

00:06:22.620 But half of them are from arizona because it's very close to arizona

00:06:25.100 But it's on the mexican border with the wall and it's enormous sand dunes

00:06:29.020 And so oh look at this wow now. You could potentially even see photos of me. Yeah, look at this

00:06:33.980 And so like on new year's eve, there'll be 250

00:06:36.620 It's the closest thing in real life to um the original um road warrior a road warrior

00:06:42.380 Specifically road warrior and road warrior was that movie. It's kind of like mad max a little bit

00:06:46.380 It was the second one. I think the first mad max was black and white and very australian and then road warrior was just you're in the desert with mel

00:06:56.140 Yeah, I'm the last of the v8 interceptors. Oh, thank you so much. I saw mel gibson colin

00:07:03.340 Thank you

00:07:04.620 Wow, so bad with names. I try to really you just did that like a sniper. I just did that to

00:07:09.580 You want to make a phone call?

00:07:11.580 That's me. That's all me. Yeah, do you want to move my truck or anything?

00:07:15.260 Take it for a ride

00:07:17.260 Does he need it?

00:07:18.860 This is a plunger for a bomb I put in the lobby

00:07:25.260 You know, it's banaca. That's breast sprays. No, I know it's nicoretic. It's straight nicotine. Oh, really? Yeah

00:07:32.140 No delivery device just straight nicotine. Are you into nicotine? Yeah, I've been into it. Do you want to try a little?

00:07:37.580 I don't let me see. I'll hold it for a second because I um

00:07:41.500 Yeah, I was doing nicotine for a long time and then i've had 14 days off and i'm on the oh

00:07:46.700 Well, then give me that back. Yeah, well now i've had one day off. Oh, then take it

00:07:50.460 Well, just let's leave it right here. Okay. Well, it's tbd. Yeah, this is just there

00:07:55.340 But one of uh, my another comedian on the tour bus had um

00:07:59.660 A vape on him. Oh, I had a moment at night. It was just like I was falling apart

00:08:04.940 I don't know it was just because sometimes if i'm up too late, then i'll do something to damage myself like of course

00:08:09.580 I'll like do a watch a uh, do cue up some porno

00:08:14.380 Or or heard website mmm you do but you don't want to promote it

00:08:21.420 I just don't know. Yeah, it doesn't matter. It's not an important question

00:08:25.420 I mean a lot of the websites. I'm not I don't do a lot of porn, but i'm i'm increasingly wanting to know and

00:08:31.980 And um, i'm wondering if i'm on the right website

00:08:36.220 Because I think you strike me as a pro and I don't say that judgmentally

00:08:39.900 But it I feel like you've been to every corner of the internet i've been through some yeah

00:08:44.620 I've been through some probably

00:08:46.380 I don't want to call them wormholes, but sure i've been through some time

00:08:50.220 Yeah, so I want you to jet-eye me just a tiny bit and be like save some time

00:08:54.060 This is where you want to be what happens to me

00:08:56.140 So it'll be up late and i'll be kind of fucking antsy or whatever and i'll probably have been doing some vaping

00:09:01.020 And so then i'm like, all right, well might as well watch a little bit of porno

00:09:04.780 Pornography, you know, yeah, just to fucking cap the night off. I'm a fucking king book and yeah

00:09:10.220 Because I do what I want to do. Yeah, so next thing, you know, i'm

00:09:15.020 cued up on there and I have this fear now that the

00:09:19.340 They the porno sites are

00:09:23.100 Videoing you back. Oh, that's how they get people like down the line is like they're like

00:09:29.660 Yes for blackmail. So it's like you pep tape over your camera or anything

00:09:33.500 That would be smart. Oh my god. Here's what i'm doing. I do something crazy. What do you do?

00:09:39.740 I

00:09:40.460 Put the screen at like an angle where it can only kind of see the ceiling or whatever and then i kind of like

00:09:46.780 Oh my lord. I'll like lean off and kind of masturbate it like an angle

00:09:52.540 Sideways like i'm the guy that does those uh remember that picture they used to have on this on the school on the wall

00:09:58.700 The staircases that interchanged or whatever the mcs yes mcs

00:10:03.580 I'll take like a real mcs your angle sure penis is off to your right

00:10:08.860 Just making sure i'm out of the way

00:10:11.580 Okay, but let's drill down into because i think i know exactly what you started with it started with you're too late

00:10:17.980 Or you're up late. Yeah, i'm up late because so i so relate which is

00:10:22.540 I i'm supposed to go to bed at a certain time or i know i feel the best if i go to bed at a certain time

00:10:26.940 Right, but then once i've crossed that

00:10:30.220 Now it's kind of like well i'm just fucking up

00:10:33.500 i'm fucking up so

00:10:35.340 I already already feel bad

00:10:37.340 So let's go all the way so let's get the vape off our buddy

00:10:40.780 Let's get that porno. Let's get our computer tilted at a weird angle. Yeah, let's rev up some porno

00:10:46.620 Yeah, let's fire it up. Let's make some fuck and i'll do sleepy time tea and vape

00:10:50.540 So i'm just living in this fucking speed bally zone. Yeah, it's crazy like hey, what's gonna happen with this guy?

00:10:56.780 You know he might stay up. He might watch a movie. He might go to sleep

00:11:00.220 Yeah, this dude does his own shit, you know

00:11:03.180 Okay, so back to the bus so i have a bus and i have to and it's a real bus. It's an actual tour bus

00:11:07.740 It's an actual tour. Okay, and you guys keep it at home

00:11:10.140 I think my neighbors think aerosmith spending the night a lot of the time

00:11:14.620 It's a proper tour bus big old diesel pusher

00:11:17.900 Biggest cat out there the asex

00:11:20.300 Oh, there you go. That's that's me at a truck stop with my daughter

00:11:23.100 Um, sure it is. Okay, we just went over some of this that this is the type of thing that we're looking out for

00:11:30.220 Oh, yes

00:11:31.020 You show us the first image you show us. Um, no, that's awesome, man

00:11:36.140 So i'm constantly now it used to be I was a kid and I had to walk the gauntlet at the oasis truck stop

00:11:42.460 Mm-hmm to get my candies. Yeah, and now i'm back integrated because I can only pull the bus into the truck

00:11:49.020 You know the there it is. Look at that. Wow, isn't that a steed?

00:11:53.260 Yeah, and um, you guys are so good. Oh, so look I got my weight lifting kit up there

00:11:58.380 Oh, you do have it perfect in there. I travel with my weights and I got my grill pulled out

00:12:02.380 And where will you guys get like a stay in a more? Um

00:12:08.140 Upper at like a is there like a fancy koa campground or is there still just the I think there is I think

00:12:17.420 Maybe berkshire hathaway bought some

00:12:20.620 Conglomerate of really fancy ones. That's not what we do

00:12:23.900 There is an app now hip camp. I think it's called

00:12:26.940 It's just like airbnb where someone might have like eight acres. They don't know what to do with the eight acres

00:12:31.500 They're not going to build on it. Right, so they just put a 50 amp charger

00:12:35.740 And like a sewer line and some fresh water on that spot and then you book it

00:12:40.860 You never see anyone. I just pull the bus into a field on a river hook up and then we're good to go

00:12:46.620 Or we'll have we plan that we're going to be at friends house that have big driveways

00:12:51.260 Like that was at my friend's house in jackson hole who has a you know, big old driveway

00:12:56.140 So you guys will just hit the bus and just take the ridges go all the way up there

00:12:58.940 Yes, but but now i'm at the truck steps all the time and then I I step out of the bus

00:13:04.140 And I I walk the same way in to go to the professional, you know cashier, you know this whole routine

00:13:11.180 And the dudes i'm seeing are all the guys that you know

00:13:14.620 They're just waking up in there and everything and then I I play this game in my head where i'm like

00:13:19.980 I'm walking tough enough and I got my gloves on do they think i'm a driver?

00:13:23.980 Oh, no, that's kind of what I want them to think yeah, you want and if they see me getting out of the fancy bus

00:13:29.420 I'm like, you know if i gotta know you're gonna try but but i try to walk i the way i walk into the trucker

00:13:36.460 Entrance of the pilot gas station is the performance of my life

00:13:42.060 It beats any work i've ever done in film or television

00:13:45.100 I believe it really does it kind of am i because i'm afraid of those guys

00:13:48.700 I mean if you really boil down to what it is. It's like I was afraid of them as a kid. Yeah, i'm still afraid of them

00:13:53.420 So I fucking walk into that gas station like you're gonna have your hands full

00:13:59.020 Someone else

00:14:00.220 Yeah, even though you're a fucking six foot two and jack

00:14:03.660 But I feel eight years old. Yeah

00:14:05.820 Dude, it's so funny. Sometimes you always feel eight years old. Don't you? Oh, i'm always always I have to actively remind myself

00:14:12.780 I'm, not it's like a mantra. Yeah, I have to like I have to go through a checklist like okay, you're 49

00:14:18.940 You got money

00:14:20.540 You're not tiny, right? You've been in a trillion fights

00:14:23.980 Like what are you fucking afraid of? What is

00:14:28.140 Did you have stepdads?

00:14:29.900 What did we have? Yeah, we had one guy mr. Charlie and he was in

00:14:34.220 That says a lot that his name is mr. Charlie. He was in the war and definitely so and i don't know if he was called mr

00:14:39.340 Charlie before the war, but I think he loved the war so much that he changed his name to charlie

00:14:45.100 You know like which is confusing because was he in vietnam? He might have been in vietnam

00:14:49.020 They were calling the enemy charlie. Yeah, I think he uh

00:14:53.100 He took on the enemies

00:14:54.860 That's he would take my mom always to like the chinese restaurant all the time and

00:14:58.860 He would kind of like do like a lot of

00:15:02.060 He would like kind of pay homage in there and he did some kind of bizarre shit and

00:15:05.660 Uh, sometimes he would take us dude. This is one crazy thing he would do

00:15:08.940 He owned a car wash that had like all the car were coin up

00:15:11.740 Yeah, coin operated dude, so we always heard those are cash cash

00:15:14.540 Oh, bro, he always had some fucking money on him

00:15:17.580 My whole life the one thing i've wanted to own was a coin operated car

00:15:20.940 Yes, you grew up hearing that. It's just like it just prints money. Yeah, it just sits there

00:15:25.980 No, one works there. Yeah, you stop in occasionally and grab a couple thousand dollars and quarters

00:15:30.780 Yeah, you stop in do cpr on somebody

00:15:35.100 Pull a body out of the 55 gallon drum trash can yeah

00:15:38.540 My mom would always take us to wash her car. That was like a big thing that we would do and so

00:15:43.100 Anyway, so she met mr

00:15:44.060 Charlie and then he would take us to uh

00:15:47.660 Holiday and express sometimes

00:15:50.380 For the continental breakfast, but he would say he was taking us out to eat right, but it was just we would just

00:15:54.460 It was just the free breakfast. We would just go in the door and eat right

00:15:57.980 But I never knew so I'd always like ask the strangers to like if I could order like a fucking something

00:16:04.140 Like yeah, I'll have another waffle and the people would just like what the fuck are you talking about?

00:16:07.820 I'm here for my son's soccer tournament. You thought everyone worked there

00:16:10.860 Um, but he was good and then he he got he lost his mind or something and

00:16:16.140 He had alzheimer's and then he wore gloves a lot and p and

00:16:19.660 He it was kind of like people always ask him if he played the piano and he couldn't hear him

00:16:23.020 And it was just like a lot of just it got it kind of just devolved, you know, what ages was

00:16:28.220 He might have died at 89

00:16:30.940 Okay, wow, he's much older than I was

00:16:33.580 Yeah, he's much older but my mom is your mom has a flair for older men. Okay, but back up

00:16:39.020 What how old were you while mr? Charlie was taking you to the holiday and express? Oh, probably I was probably a good

00:16:45.180 11 I bet and was he he was too old to come in and be like

00:16:50.300 I got a new program and I'm the dad or did he do that?

00:16:53.420 No, he didn't really he was pretty chill

00:16:55.740 He's like wanted you to reach for the remote for him and stuff. Yeah

00:16:58.540 He wore like a cool hat and he would just sometimes

00:17:00.940 He would get his dog in his lap and just he would tell us how much he loved his dog

00:17:04.620 And he would make us kind of sit there and listen to him tell us that but he was a pretty handsome guy

00:17:10.780 and

00:17:12.060 What else? I was your mom while he was 89 and she's probably 70 a bit

00:17:18.300 No, she was I think he was probably 20 years older than my mom

00:17:22.220 And your dad how much older because 38 years old my parents were 38 different I know

00:17:26.780 No, why were you emancipated at 14?

00:17:32.620 I just didn't like being at home man. I fucking hated it, you know

00:17:36.860 I didn't like my environment that much, you know, I just didn't like it. I didn't like my environment

00:17:42.940 I didn't like not having a say in

00:17:46.460 Where I was or who I was I felt like I kind of just got in this space in life that I was like this doesn't make any sense

00:17:53.180 This family there's no connection

00:17:57.100 My family felt like a business that you had to work at but you didn't know what the job was

00:18:00.780 But you had to be there every day every day you're just standing around

00:18:04.780 There's like a kitchen there's like a fucking but you have no idea what the business is, right, but you got to be there, you know

00:18:11.100 So was mom

00:18:12.860 Yeah, so my mom was cool. My mom was my mom was just you know, she was just a different you know, she was just

00:18:18.140 What was my mom was just working all the time, you know, what did she do?

00:18:23.500 She sold things like if you say if you go to like a cvs or a gas station the things that are like at the end of the aisles the impulse buys

00:18:30.700 Yes, she would kind of go stock those a lot of times. Okay, so and one time she worked for this cookie company

00:18:37.020 And she would have these cookies dude just these huge boxes of fucking cookies, but we were children dude jackpot

00:18:43.260 So we would go at night sometimes and sneak out in her car and just lay on top of them

00:18:47.900 And fucking the whole thing it smelled so much like cookies. You could inhale and your stomach was full

00:18:53.260 Oh my god

00:18:55.260 Have you ever thought about just fucking filling your cherokee to the gills with cookies and reenacting that whole experience?

00:19:02.140 It might be cathartic and therapeutic

00:19:04.140 It could be interesting man. Yeah, no, I never thought about that

00:19:06.940 I did go to my old if we were better friends when we become better friends, okay

00:19:10.940 I think i'm gonna surprise you

00:19:12.940 By just filling your cherokee to the absolute brim with cookies. You're gonna get in late for something

00:19:17.980 You're gonna be grouchy, you know, I shouldn't have vape last night. I should have went to bed two hours earlier

00:19:21.980 I gotta stop checking off

00:19:23.660 And you get in your car and you're like

00:19:25.820 Oh my lord

00:19:26.700 Goddamn

00:19:27.660 Mom?

00:19:31.180 Is there a flavor of cookie I should be

00:19:33.580 I love the snickerdoodle, but these were more

00:19:36.780 Can I guess were they an oatmeal raisin they had some stuff like that

00:19:40.940 They had it was very because you open the box and they were in plastic inside of the box and then there was they were all lined up

00:19:48.460 They fit exactly as many as they could in that box

00:19:50.780 And it was an unbelievable amount of cookies to be around as a child. We couldn't even fat

00:19:55.900 We couldn't even fathom it. But so that was uh

00:19:59.420 Yeah, that was that was the kind of work mom did she was just always gone a lot and then one two little sisters

00:20:04.060 Yeah, well, I have two sisters and a brother

00:20:06.700 You're so but you the brother's way older, right like could have been you know my bro

00:20:10.780 My dad had some children from his first marriage. Oh, okay that were like

00:20:14.540 Way older like one of them was like 57 when I was like probably eight, right?

00:20:19.580 And so you guys didn't probably I think he's somebody shot him, but um

00:20:25.020 How old your older brother from your mom my older brother my mom is two years older than me. Oh, okay. Yeah, he's awesome

00:20:30.700 Do you have a little brother syndrome like I do? Mmm, like what is it?

00:20:36.460 Well, like a I thought I was terrible at everything my brother's five years older than me

00:20:40.380 So I'm like, I'm so weak. I'm a terrible skateboarder

00:20:43.580 um

00:20:45.180 I feel like little brother syndrome

00:20:47.340 Oh, I wonder if I agree with what the definition I google the little brother syndrome can manifest in one of two ways a a sense of entitlement

00:20:53.420 Oh, I deserve what he has or to a means for advancement. He can do it. I can do it

00:20:58.860 I didn't even know of this definition and I guess I agree with some of the items in there, but in general for me

00:21:05.100 I wanted to be cool and older and I wanted him to let me hang out with him

00:21:10.220 And I was trying desperately to like accomplish all these weird tasks

00:21:14.300 I had decided was the entrance into being his best friend

00:21:19.100 And probably a like an inferiority complex and then I got when I got around kids my age

00:21:24.700 I was like, oh, wait, I'm kind of strong

00:21:27.980 I'm not as terrible at that and then I was like high on that

00:21:32.300 but

00:21:33.340 Yeah, I just I guess wanting to be

00:21:37.180 Around somebody non-stop who was very ambivalent about me being around your brother

00:21:42.380 Yeah, yeah as he should he was five years old

00:21:45.020 Oh five years is a long enough stretch where it's like yeah

00:21:47.260 If some kid is following me around and that kid is

00:21:49.500 He's gonna be weird no matter what because he's younger and I was weird on top of it

00:21:54.700 And you're fucking weird. Yeah, yeah, yeah

00:21:57.500 Left-handed dyslexic. Were you really? Yeah, yeah still. Oh god, huh?

00:22:03.420 Yeah, I never had dyslexia. I don't think I think we both did. Did we both do Santa Monica College?

00:22:08.060 Yeah, I did that. Yeah, me too. I think I have an associate's from there. Really? Yeah, I actually have a an associate's degree from Santa Monica College

00:22:15.260 I can't remember if I have that or not, but I remember there was always a rumor that Steve Smith went there

00:22:20.140 Did you ever hear that rumor? No, Steve Smith guitar player from Billy Idol or Steve?

00:22:25.260 Steve Smith number 89. They played for Carolina. Oh, Panthers. Okay. Yeah

00:22:29.740 I didn't hear about a single famous person

00:22:32.940 Yep, Chad Johnson and Steve Smith played together at Santa Monica College. Oh, I get I didn't even know they had a football team

00:22:38.780 Um, wow

00:22:43.740 Chad Johnson and Steve Smith. That's at Santa Monica. Your team, by the way, is so fast. I feel like we're on a CNN show or something

00:22:50.220 Really? Yeah, this shit is like coming up like

00:22:53.020 They do it. It's barely out of your mouth and we're looking at a picture of it. They're excited. Rice Krispie treats with

00:22:59.020 Chocolate chips in them. Dude, we've never even met before. No. It's kind of crazy, you know? Yeah, I just like you a lot. Well, thanks, man

00:23:05.740 I dm'd you to let you know like I just like you so much

00:23:08.780 I think you're one of my favorite people to see something pop up on Instagram every single time. I like it

00:23:13.340 Oh, thanks, bro

00:23:14.380 When it's sincere, I like it when it's really funny

00:23:16.380 I like it when it's like over the line there we go

00:23:18.860 There are my rice krispie treats. I was thinking of oh, that's nice. Um

00:23:22.620 Yeah, I don't know

00:23:23.500 Do you have that with people where you don't know them, but I just feel like oh god, I just think I really like that

00:23:29.820 Yeah, you do. Yeah, can you think of somebody recently and would you reach out to that person?

00:23:35.740 Hmm

00:23:37.180 I'm so bad at answering stuff. Uh

00:23:41.340 I'll stop if you want. I'm just in the habit of asking. No, it's good

00:23:45.180 I thought maybe Justin Bieber one time, but we'd met each other through someone

00:23:49.420 And so then I just messaged him and did he respond? Yeah

00:23:53.980 He did. I have a really wild story of that variety. Yeah, which is I didn't know

00:24:00.300 How dms worked like I I knew

00:24:03.900 I knew the people that I followed or I you know, I knew I saw theirs, but then I didn't know there was like general

00:24:09.340 You go there. I didn't know you could write you could do like whatever it's called. What's the one?

00:24:14.060 It'll bring it one

00:24:15.500 No, it'll bring you to all of basically the verified people who have messaged you

00:24:20.620 Oh, interesting. Oh, I know what you're talking about

00:24:22.620 Top request

00:24:23.180 Top request

00:24:23.820 Top request. I didn't figure that out until maybe two years ago, and I've been on instagram for at least a decade

00:24:29.260 And I figured it out and then i'm looking and i'm like, oh my god

00:24:33.100 These people who have reached out to me that I didn't see one of them being and of course his was at the top

00:24:38.140 My wife because he's

00:24:42.460 Um

00:24:44.220 Justin bieber was at the top

00:24:46.940 And he was two years old and it was the nicest most sincere dm about like hey

00:24:53.100 Either he had just gotten married or he's about to get married and he like thought maybe kristen and I like

00:24:58.300 Had some of the things figured out and he just wanted to chat. Oh wow

00:25:01.900 And then fucking for two years. I just didn't respond

00:25:04.780 And then I was like, oh my god, it's like I really missed the boat on this

00:25:09.260 I could I could be like mentoring bieber in his love life and I

00:25:13.820 I'm there for that. I fucking saw believe the movie

00:25:17.820 The doc on side. No, the doc

00:25:21.260 I'm trying to think of like a love movie. No, no, no is the doc about him

00:25:27.100 Oh, the document and I fucking loved it like i'm not hiding from the fact that I think he's awesome

00:25:32.220 Yeah, he's been through it. Yeah, and it's somebody that's been through a lot, too

00:25:36.060 I'm always curious when people go through so much like how do they end up

00:25:40.620 Still being able to take care of themselves. Yeah, not dad, huh? Not dad. Yeah, yeah

00:25:45.980 Because I look at if you had given me all the stuff he had at his age

00:25:49.900 I would have jumped a ferrari off a mulholland

00:25:53.100 An accident, you know, with too many people in the car

00:25:55.740 Oh, bro, we didn't have any yeah, I remember we had I got a two liter of diet seven up dude and I remember I fucking

00:26:01.020 Set a vehicle on fire in my neighbor's yard like

00:26:04.220 Yeah, if I had gotten any uppers at a young age shit would have gotten bad, bro. Yeah

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00:28:34.520 Yeah, my I my addiction was only curbed by my me being broke

00:28:41.260 Right because you're in recovery, right?

00:28:43.140 Yeah, yeah

00:28:43.260 Okay, me too

00:28:44.060 Yeah, yeah

00:28:44.580 So well, that's it

00:28:45.660 I think I thought I think that's what actually like turbocharged me reaching out to you

00:28:50.220 Yeah, it's like I just liked you and then I was talking to a friend of mine charlie about you and he's like, oh, I love him

00:28:55.080 Yeah, I listen to his pockets. He goes, you know, he's he's like sober

00:28:57.660 I think he's like 18 months sober and I was like, oh, wow now I really have a reason I could reach out

00:29:02.680 That's cool, man

00:29:03.520 But yeah, I quit

00:29:04.660 Well, it's nice of you. I'm glad that you did

00:29:06.000 Yeah, yeah

00:29:06.840 We've already had a couple really nice text exchanges

00:29:08.600 Yeah, we have, man. We had a nice one the other day and um, yeah, it's been fun, man

00:29:13.220 Um, yeah, I like meeting people that are in recovery

00:29:16.260 I feel a lot easier around people that are in recovery for some reason

00:29:20.440 And I don't know even what it is if there's a different immediate

00:29:24.000 Like level of like care or connection. What do you think about it?

00:29:29.740 I think it's what's weird is looking back on my life. It parallels exactly who I also hung out with as a kid, which is

00:29:37.980 I only hung out with kids on welfare

00:29:40.940 Who also had divorced parents who also probably had violence in the household

00:29:46.420 I like being around people that I don't think are going to judge me

00:29:50.380 And in the program everyone there is a fucking scumbag

00:29:54.520 Everyone's a piece of shit. That's why we're there

00:29:56.820 And like the great like experience you have if you

00:30:01.500 Go to aa and you work the steps is you're like you've made this list of things you've done wrong and you you're

00:30:07.760 You're you're required to tell somebody and generally it's your sponsor or whatever. Yeah

00:30:12.460 And you're certain when you walk in there and you let them have this list of things you regret that they're gonna call the police on you or throw up in

00:30:20.460 Disgust with you and they look at you

00:30:23.780 They're almost laughing like well, that's it

00:30:26.960 Well, you didn't fuck any animals. That's like I'm impressed you haven't fucked the animals and then you're like well read the back of that

00:30:32.660 Yeah, oh shit. You're right. I love something now

00:30:35.700 But that look of like

00:30:38.340 Yeah, me too is the most comforting

00:30:42.380 Thing for me

00:30:44.660 Yeah, there'll be times when I'm in a meeting

00:30:46.820 And like you're sitting there and somebody says something and you can feel this is crazy

00:30:52.300 It's it's almost like how volleyball teams all get their period at the same time

00:30:57.060 Yeah, you can feel like

00:31:00.180 Everybody in the room at the same time like

00:31:03.860 Yeah, you ever had that happen? Oh, yeah, for sure and you're like

00:31:07.860 It's almost like a group of fish or something like

00:31:11.060 Yeah, some of those all change direction. Yeah, yeah, some of the steam leaves at the same time out of every

00:31:16.580 It's it's got it's

00:31:18.580 It's got to be some physiological thing, but it's unbelievable. Yeah

00:31:21.620 Yeah, well weirdly I just interviewed this expert in his book was called super communicators

00:31:27.380 And he was talking about them when on armchair. Yeah, yeah

00:31:31.540 When two people are having a conversation and it's the same conversation

00:31:37.140 Oh, yeah, Charles Duhigg

00:31:39.060 Um, fuck they're fast. It's almost too much now. It's too fast. And I feel like I'm having deja vu

00:31:45.860 It's a triggering day. No, no, keep it up. Keep it up. Don't

00:31:48.420 You guys have a winning recipe, but um, there's basically like three different conversations

00:31:55.220 Conversation all conversations fall into three categories. There's like there's logistical ones

00:31:59.460 Like what are we supposed to do next? And then there's emotional ones

00:32:02.580 What are you talking about for what so like a classic one would be you and your girlfriend are talking?

00:32:10.580 And you think you're having a conversation like

00:32:13.300 Um, how should we fix this problem and she and she's having an emotional conversation?

00:32:19.860 She's saying i'm overwhelmed by this whole thing got it

00:32:23.060 And then so and that you can look at a brain in an fmri and see like the part of her brain that's active is like the amygdala

00:32:30.260 and the part of your brain that's active is the neocortex so

00:32:33.620 Literally, you can't have the same conversation. It's like two different parts of the brain that do two different things

00:32:39.140 Yeah, so you're like, well, here's how we're gonna fix this hon. You're never gonna do that again

00:32:43.060 I'm gonna tell it right and she's like nothing is comforting her fear in that moment

00:32:47.380 So you guys are just like and then the more you talk having the two different conversations the worse it gets for each other

00:32:53.860 So when you both are having the exact the real same conversation and you look at people's brains and fmri

00:33:01.060 All of a sudden their brains become kind of indistinguishable from one another or another example is you can take a musician playing by them

00:33:08.980 Themselves and then another musician playing by themselves look at their brain in an fmri and they have a unique pattern and once they start playing together or

00:33:17.460 Start doing a duet

00:33:19.460 Their brain pattern become indistinguishable. So we will we will match our breathing when we're connected

00:33:26.340 Our heart rates will match all this crazy shit. That's true start mirroring. Yeah, this is like scientifically proven time and time again

00:33:34.580 So yes, that moment in a meeting

00:33:36.820 It's like it's chaotic. Someone fought over a parking spot. Another guy just got broken up with blah blah blah blah blah blah

00:33:42.020 This person like sledgehammers through

00:33:45.940 Generally for me when i've experienced it like with some moment of vulnerability like I just failed at this fucking thing and we all go like

00:33:54.020 Wait, oh god, I know exactly what it feels like to fail in that specific way

00:33:59.220 Yeah, and now all of us have joined like the same

00:34:03.220 Brain pattern so I think it's not like it's not imagined. I think it's physiologically

00:34:08.420 Observable, huh, and it's so

00:34:11.540 Powerful, yeah, it's when you realize like oh, yeah, we're social monkeys and we're supposed to be in a group like this and we're supposed

00:34:17.940 To be dialed in and it feels fucking right. Yeah, and then I didn't go to church or I was drugged at church

00:34:24.340 That was never a part of my life, so I don't have that kind of

00:34:29.700 Right nostalgia for that collective experience. I know people in church have I would go my grandparents would take me and my brother and I would get in trouble

00:34:36.260 My papa bob would you know flick our ears and you know, it was we were we missed it

00:34:41.460 That's a great comparison like when you said like with the birds like how they all change at the same time

00:34:45.860 It's so crazy

00:34:46.900 Yeah, I think there's a lot of other things going on that we just don't have the ability since we only have five senses

00:34:51.140 It's hard for us to

00:34:53.300 I think there's a ton of stuff and information that's in the world, but we only have

00:34:58.420 Five ways of inputting it. Yeah, so we really are kind of limited as opposed to maybe

00:35:03.860 Other things may have more, you know, or in the future. They may have like

00:35:07.220 Creatures that have more or something, you know

00:35:09.620 Are you would you consider yourself hyper vigilant?

00:35:13.380 I don't do you mean like well

00:35:17.380 In the capital or something like that like what are you talking about like people that invaded the cap? No, no, no, no

00:35:22.100 Um

00:35:23.220 Like i'm guessing I don't know enough about you

00:35:25.060 But if you leave if you leave the house at 14

00:35:29.540 My guess is it wasn't like the cleavers. Yeah, right. Oh, yeah, I just didn't feel any connection at home

00:35:35.300 So then at a certain point I was like, well, why am I gonna stay here and let this define me?

00:35:38.820 Where did you go at 14? I don't want to stay with a friend. Oh, you did? Yep. One of my buddies

00:35:42.900 And their parents were fine. Yeah, their parents were pretty cool and we had a nice time and we're still I still go over there

00:35:48.980 When I go home. Yeah, so it's like and their kids

00:35:52.020 Their kids left like a year later, and I was still

00:35:53.940 You stayed after they left

00:35:55.940 Wait, so your buddy was a couple years older than you he was same age, but yeah, something happened

00:36:00.820 He drove into the neighbor's house or something. He was drinking and then uh, he had to leave and so

00:36:04.980 I was still there

00:36:06.980 Oh, and now I'm in his room

00:36:10.020 You were being sponsored by him, but then he split and they kept you. That's really funny

00:36:14.340 But it was like did you feel weird as hell like that first dinner?

00:36:17.380 Would you eat dinner with the family? Yeah, we'd eat dinner with them. We had fun man

00:36:20.500 And your buddy was gone and you were there. Yeah, it was kind of you remember that first dinner. Oh, yeah, I was like well

00:36:28.900 More for us

00:36:30.900 I was just in there, but I remember the first night I closed the door and his bedroom

00:36:36.020 This is now yours. This is what I had my

00:36:39.460 I had my own bedroom there and I closed the door and I was like

00:36:43.700 I was like fuck I hadn't had my own room. I was like this is crazy, dude

00:36:48.660 and then

00:36:50.660 Something I must have had drugs on my mind at that point or something because I remember I opened the window then and lit up a little joint

00:36:56.580 Right, and I didn't realize like I guess how like

00:36:58.660 Stinky it is just yeah

00:37:00.500 Yeah, yeah, I was just excited if I could have it be a home. You thought you had your own home

00:37:06.100 Here we go. I'm finally on my own you're not no. No, no, you have a room feel

00:37:10.100 Yeah, yes

00:37:10.740 You know, it's still in out someone else's house and his his room his window was next to mine

00:37:16.820 And uh, I guess his room was open. He fucking comes in there. He's like dude. What the

00:37:20.900 Yeah, yeah

00:37:22.740 We just got you in here

00:37:24.580 Yeah, right

00:37:25.300 You're gonna get thrown out and then he fucking bitched me out and then took the rest of the joint and fucking smoked it went in the yard

00:37:31.700 Yeah, but that was that was when did you start doing drugs?

00:37:36.180 I think probably then you know around then I was smoking weed and stuff, but I wasn't doing anything heavy and I never liked drinking or drugging

00:37:41.620 but then when I got like

00:37:43.540 I

00:37:45.540 I think I just had so much issues like with dating and

00:37:49.780 Like uh

00:37:51.700 Like you couldn't date and you wanted to I don't know. I just had so many issues with it. I just um

00:37:58.740 Did girls like you?

00:38:00.580 Not when I was young and then I switched to a new high school and some of them did and that was crazy

00:38:04.740 It was so scary. You're like now. What do we even do? You know, yeah

00:38:08.340 Um

00:38:09.540 But then it was like, uh

00:38:11.380 Everything was kind of fun. I just could never be faithful in a relationship. Yeah, I'm gonna try

00:38:15.540 Me neither. Really? Did you have a problem with it? Fuck no. Yeah, couldn't couldn't it

00:38:18.820 It's like the month when I the longer I'm sober

00:38:21.380 What do you spray under my tongue?

00:38:22.820 I yeah, I go under the tongue and then let it kind of uh soak in like it were you like you had dip in

00:38:27.780 All right, I just quit dip on the first. That's why

00:38:30.660 Well, that's what this one of us have quit shit. We're spraying nicotine in our face

00:38:34.660 It's good. It's good for you though. Yeah, it's great. This is the tobacco. That's an issue

00:38:38.740 um

00:38:40.020 Yeah, elementary school for me was um way too big

00:38:43.460 Way too big most parents felt bad

00:38:46.740 They thought I had flunked a couple greats like

00:38:49.540 But you were a call?

00:38:50.660 Yeah, I was just a big kid

00:38:52.500 Yeah, and I was dumb because I was dyslexic and I couldn't read

00:38:56.100 You were really dyslexic?

00:38:57.300 Yeah, and I went to special ed every day for two hours

00:39:00.980 Yeah

00:39:01.620 With you know, oh, they would knock at the door in the middle of class and they would go

00:39:07.540 Dax and then they would call someone else and we'd like stand up and we'd leave and go to special ed for a couple hours

00:39:12.180 It was rough and then you know

00:39:15.060 I'm trying to tiptoe around the fact that most of the kids in that classroom were like in wheelchairs and everything else

00:39:20.340 So I was confused. I'm like, why am I what's going on here?

00:39:24.980 And so I was huge and dumb

00:39:28.260 And I don't know too many colics. Oh

00:39:31.860 Wow, there you are, man. Oh wow, I can't believe you found a picture. That's first grade

00:39:36.660 Dax Shepard. Yeah, those big teeth

00:39:39.540 Wow

00:39:40.020 I haven't had braids. My teeth were all fucked up. I was in I was in braces for like, uh, nine years

00:39:45.300 Really? Yeah, my teeth were bad, too

00:39:47.060 So anyways, I was in love with so many girls in elementary school

00:39:50.500 I had huge crushes. No girls like me

00:39:53.540 And then thank god my brother in between fifth grade and sixth grade when I went to junior high

00:39:58.340 He's like, here's the situation. You're shaving your sides were going spiked on top

00:40:01.860 You're gonna bangs now long and back. You're a skateboarder and you're punk rock

00:40:07.380 Go and I just went with it and I arrived at highland junior high

00:40:12.660 In the most popular girl in that junior high sasha. Oh, she sounds beautiful, dude

00:40:19.700 She was so beautiful. It was insane. God

00:40:23.780 I'm walking down the hallway in the sixth grade hallway

00:40:26.660 Yeah, and sasha cross it's walking down the sixth grade hallway and oh my god, what's she doing here?

00:40:31.380 Oh, that's sasha cross it and she fucking handed me a note

00:40:35.220 And it like went into my science class and I opened it up and it said will you go with me and I was like

00:40:41.220 Dude, that's the first drug that is the first drug or I went I was like

00:40:47.140 What's happening?

00:40:49.140 Is this a prank?

00:40:50.740 Yeah, had her phone number. Oh

00:40:53.700 Went home serious went home and I was like

00:40:56.180 You know

00:40:58.180 You know dialed the phone remember that yes, and then I chatted on the phone with her for like two hours

00:41:03.460 And then we were fucking going together in your room

00:41:06.420 You chatted with her or on the did y'all have a universal phone question sixth grade. I was living

00:41:12.820 at my

00:41:14.100 Dad's for a few months, so yeah, I had my own room there wasn't a phone in there

00:41:18.420 But it was easy to have privacy there and it was a land my dad was out

00:41:22.260 He wasn't sober yet. So really he was partying. Yeah. Oh, he was going fucking hard sold cars drove a corvette

00:41:28.900 bang coke

00:41:30.900 at the bar

00:41:33.460 He was he was everything dude. That's so cool, man. Yeah, I remember and that changed my life

00:41:39.300 Oh, that changes everything and I liked it so fucking much and I remember she like

00:41:45.220 She was in eighth grade and I was in sixth grade. So we would make out at the bus before she got on the bus

00:41:50.580 I'd go to the basketball games with her and she told me to go up her shirt

00:41:54.180 She's like go up my shirt. I remember going up her shirt. I was like her bra felt so tight

00:41:57.780 And I was like she's like I'm supposed to go under this bra

00:42:00.580 I think but fuck it's so tight

00:42:01.860 It's gonna hurt if I and I was like monkeying around in there and fumbling and then she's like just go on to run like

00:42:06.900 She really made me do it was really in there and got it

00:42:10.900 And it was euphoric

00:42:12.900 And it was such a high such and I didn't have it and maybe this little brother

00:42:17.860 I just felt like a I could never turn down that attention if I got it

00:42:23.540 I couldn't resist it. Yeah, and of course i'm like and they don't know no one knows

00:42:28.740 It's fine. Everything's fine. I'm still very nice to this person and that thing happened and then yeah

00:42:33.540 Just a terrible pattern of cheating. Yeah, the bad pattern starts man

00:42:38.100 And yeah, I was saying when I think back now i've cleared up like dude

00:42:42.020 I quit drinking in 2004 in september of 2004. I had an opiate relapse

00:42:47.460 But in general, I haven't had like fucking wreckage in 19 years. Oh, that's great. And so

00:42:56.020 The stuff that really plagues me now is like just really going back and being like god. Yeah, those girls didn't deserve like they deserved

00:43:03.460 Me to be faithful to be like a yeah

00:43:05.700 Shiver's got to waste their time

00:43:07.140 Use them to prop up my own self-esteem and then need someone

00:43:12.180 Again to because it doesn't last yeah. Oh, yeah feeling great. I remember walking across a gym

00:43:17.860 I was at this new school. I walk across the gym and some girl this girl was hot dude. She was like

00:43:25.220 I think she had like 30 tits. Oh

00:43:28.340 She was so hot and she was looking at me. I and I thought I had like

00:43:34.580 Shit on my leg or something. Yeah, yeah

00:43:36.340 And I was literally like so fucking embarrassed

00:43:38.420 I was like and I was walking across the gym

00:43:40.260 I could feel every step and I was like I've got to get across this gym and I gotta find a mirror asap

00:43:45.620 And I gotta de-shit myself

00:43:48.500 Because these bitches are catching on

00:43:50.500 And uh, and then after that like a girl like came to the office one time and kind of liked me

00:43:56.660 But before that I'd been so nervous like one girl I liked in like uh middle school

00:44:01.700 I didn't know how to tell her this

00:44:04.340 I saved up the saliva in my mouth the whole class

00:44:08.660 And after class I ran up behind her and spit right in the back of her hair

00:44:13.860 That was your move

00:44:14.820 It was like an animal. It was like literally like a chimpanzee when I think about it now

00:44:20.820 It's like dude, you were and and you had no

00:44:24.820 Je ne sais quoi

00:44:26.420 You didn't you were

00:44:28.260 And I say you just shit in the hallway and stare at her as you

00:44:33.140 But when I tell you yeah, when I think about the effect over here

00:44:37.860 I love you

00:44:39.860 I love you so much. I love you so much. I'm shitting in the hallway for you

00:44:43.460 I'm shitting in the hallway for you. I'm ruining myself for you. I'm fully exposed

00:44:48.980 Yeah, it was like

00:44:50.580 It was just such an effect that that that kind of thing had such enough just and that became like

00:44:56.660 an addiction man, like just in the sense of wanting attention from women

00:45:00.980 It wasn't as much like a sexual addiction for me like over the years. It just was like

00:45:05.300 I needed to know if that there was any chance that that girl cared about me

00:45:10.020 Yeah, yeah, yeah

00:45:10.900 I just needed you craved it

00:45:12.180 Yeah, I needed her to look at me. I just needed something I needed people to I just needed

00:45:17.620 Her to see me. Yeah

00:45:19.140 It's and then it's okay if it played out how it wanted

00:45:22.980 But I needed to at least have her not be invisible. Yes. Yeah, I needed

00:45:26.980 Yeah, because you feel invisible. I felt invisible all of elementary school

00:45:30.580 Yeah, I'm friends with the guys that have girlfriends. My friend Trevor's with Amy. We're we're always together

00:45:36.740 Can you do you see that? I'm here. I know too big for everybody, but you know, yeah

00:45:43.380 I had I had a great relationship with my mom, but it it kept getting punctuated by stepdads

00:45:49.700 Oh, really? So

00:45:51.460 So you had unlimited stepdads. Yeah, I had almost like unlimited shrimp over

00:45:55.700 Yeah, yeah, yeah, it was bottomless stepdads

00:46:00.260 The sizzler of stepdads

00:46:03.060 But so it'd be like super

00:46:05.860 Connected and it'd just be the four of us my little sister my brother and my mom and that was always perfect

00:46:11.780 But then a new guy would roll in and then it was like his program and we had to have different manners at the table

00:46:17.780 And she'd be distracted understandably. She's like in her 20s raising three kids by herself

00:46:22.180 I have no like

00:46:24.900 Resentment towards her about it all, but yeah, they're just there was like and I just fucking craved it

00:46:30.100 I wanted to be loved at all times by a woman. I still want to be yeah, like my needs are unrealistic

00:46:36.420 Oh, that's interesting

00:46:37.860 Yes, like if i'm dead honest and i'm in therapy. Yeah, my therapist will be like

00:46:42.260 You know, it's not kristen's job. Like she's not your mom

00:46:45.460 She's not going to dote on you and right infatuated with your existence

00:46:50.740 It's no way. Wait, that's not

00:46:53.220 But i'm giving up so much. I'm not banging anyone shouldn't I be doted on and celebrated every time I walk

00:47:01.300 So my daughter's like every day. I have not left. Yeah, should they be like god damn it dad?

00:47:06.580 We got one of the good ones. I know your dad was out at three

00:47:09.700 But no one's no one's proud of me. No one cares. Oh, I remember

00:47:16.740 My first like or my second girlfriend and we were like really in love and what age?

00:47:22.900 I think this was in college and she and I

00:47:26.340 She broke up with me. She'd had it. Yeah, and I remember saying you can't break up with me. You're my mom

00:47:31.940 That's what I remember it came out of my fucking face

00:47:34.260 And that was just a slight improvement over spitting in her hair

00:47:38.500 That's where you had matured to by the time you're in college

00:47:42.820 You can't you're my mom. Yeah, what a freudian slip

00:47:46.420 It was a freudian water slide dude, but it blew it came out it like came out it just

00:47:52.020 I was like you can't break up with me. You're my mom. Oh my

00:47:55.380 And I was like and I didn't know for years what that even meant

00:47:58.100 And then once I got into recovery and started getting a look at my life. I was able to be like

00:48:02.020 Wow, dude like I had no understanding of like

00:48:07.140 how to

00:48:08.260 Get affection or be fair with affection or anything like that. Yeah, I mean I didn't have a template

00:48:13.540 I didn't have a fucking idea. I didn't know it was her response. Do you remember?

00:48:18.020 She I know she felt probably bad for me, you know, oh good. She loved me for sure. Yeah

00:48:22.580 Yeah, and she's a super loving girl, but um

00:48:25.300 But I I think she probably years later probably saw like oh that dude was

00:48:29.620 He was not ready. Yeah, that guy was not ready

00:48:32.900 No, no he's not ready for a mature

00:48:34.740 And he's still fucking just

00:48:36.900 Trying to get ready, but he's trying to get ready, but that stuff doesn't go away man. That's the crazy thing

00:48:41.780 I thought at certain like like at certain times in my life. I'd be like oh in a couple years

00:48:45.700 This will be gone, but it doesn't go away unless you do something about it

00:48:49.300 Yeah, you have I had the fantasy that to be aware of it would solve it

00:48:53.060 Yeah, like oh I see what's happening. I'm just trying to get you know, i'm trying to heal

00:49:00.260 Oh god, I could go super deep which is like

00:49:03.220 And this is recent and this is probably too much for your show or the dudes who listen to this

00:49:06.900 But no we've dude if I crown here one more time. I'm literally turning into the garth brooks

00:49:11.460 Oh, yeah, me too. I've been crying all the time

00:49:14.820 Every I didn't cry for 30 years and now I can't make it through a day without crying bro. It's like it's for fucking being sober

00:49:20.980 Yeah, it's like you got the menace. You don't have anything to numb it and here it is

00:49:25.380 But I also think like there was a sexual component which is like, okay

00:49:30.020 So my mom adores me that's obvious. Um, I was the golden child

00:49:34.900 I did not lack for a mom who believed in me or supported me or thought I was wonderful. She definitely did

00:49:40.980 but

00:49:42.020 Something would take her away from me and I was smart enough to realize

00:49:47.220 Oh, we can't fulfill this romantic desire of hers

00:49:50.420 Like that's something we can't

00:49:52.660 Fulfill she's gonna have to go get boyfriends right aka she's gonna have to have a sexual relationship with people

00:49:59.060 Right, so I think in some weird way and I I think i'm just

00:50:03.540 Starting to understand this aspect which is like

00:50:06.580 I have to give that to any woman

00:50:09.700 If I want her to stay around in a way that is

00:50:13.620 World-class and you can't go you don't want to go shopping for more like the priority I put on that part

00:50:19.380 The sexual part I think was very

00:50:22.260 Outsized for what a woman would even give a shit about

00:50:25.460 Oh, just as a little kid I was like, oh

00:50:27.860 The only thing I don't have is that my mom needs is sexual part

00:50:32.420 So I mean that's what I want her to stay at all times and I don't want any of these guys to come around

00:50:36.900 So if I now if i'm having this experience that also feels loving and nurturing and with a female

00:50:42.820 My thought is like I have to give her that thing

00:50:45.860 In a way that she'll never go need it and leave me for it god that sounds like that sounds kind of exhausting

00:50:52.180 In a way, I mean kudos to you dude

00:50:54.820 Yeah, I don't

00:50:56.020 I was always so nervous with sex

00:50:59.860 It would be like you are

00:51:00.660 Oh shit, you know

00:51:03.140 And it would be like yeah, oh dude, so like unbelievable and I would just yell things out like that's that was great sex

00:51:10.820 You know this fucking hoping that

00:51:12.980 You could rewrite history for her

00:51:17.300 Yeah, and it's just oh

00:51:20.180 Nobody has had nobody has given out more bad sex

00:51:23.780 I don't think

00:51:25.140 Than me hands down there should be a game show I think

00:51:29.700 And they just put like a whoop bracelet on you and it's just like people were like no

00:51:33.940 Fucking oh my goodness. Well, we haven't seen one this well. This is unbelievable. This is an underwine. Do you remember when they asked george

00:51:40.660 Zimmerman's

00:51:42.420 Personal trainer on the witness stand when he would write rank his his physical fitness level out of 10 and george

00:51:48.580 Zimmerman was the guy that shot the

00:51:50.180 Trayvon martin

00:51:50.900 Trayvon martin and his his he had a physical trainer which is comical in itself, but they asked the trainer like

00:51:57.060 What would you rank? What would you give?

00:52:00.180 Zimmerman's physical fitness out of 10 and he said with a straight face

00:52:05.060 Point a

00:52:07.060 Or some point point something and I was like

00:52:10.580 Oh my lord

00:52:12.340 That is the last thing you want to hear your fucking trainer get into the decimals

00:52:16.740 Why did I just say zero? I guess he thought if he said zero

00:52:23.780 It would be oh, do we have it? Oh, oh point

00:52:26.900 Point five out of 10. Oh my god

00:52:33.940 He really said was zero that was him like he's like I gotta throw a half point in to just not be

00:52:39.460 So cruel

00:52:41.060 Yeah, we gotta you know, and he's sitting there. I presumably he's like in in that and behind that desk waiting

00:52:47.460 Hoping

00:52:47.620 Hoping he'll see here. I hope he gives me a four

00:52:50.420 Maybe he had a high end and

00:52:52.340 Low end of expectation

00:52:53.940 That'd be more shocking than the verdict

00:52:56.580 The guy's like yes, I'm going

00:52:58.100 He could take away one of the two things

00:53:00.100 Dude, yeah, and you don't want to be that little flubber in prison

00:53:05.940 I don't think because those are the guys I hear that get like

00:53:08.900 Kind of banged a lot around like the holidays and stuff

00:53:14.340 Holidays, why the holidays because people are sentimental?

00:53:17.300 Yeah, just like the little chubby guys in prison get fucked around the holidays

00:53:21.780 That's what I've heard

00:53:22.820 What holiday is the worst?

00:53:26.100 It's not Christmas

00:53:27.060 Christmas probably now if it's Hanukkah it's fucking eight days long

00:53:30.580 Oh, yeah, very sad Jewish inmate

00:53:34.580 Hey, somebody hide fat Josh. We gotta fucking make sure he doesn't get banged up

00:53:40.740 But yeah, I think

00:53:41.700 Get him into uh, what do they call it when you're by yourself?

00:53:44.260 Solitary confinement

00:53:44.980 Yeah, they gotta put him in solitary confinement

00:53:48.340 Yeah, man

00:53:48.900 Easter's gotta be a big one too

00:53:50.740 Yeah, there's a little bit more

00:53:51.940 Because there's a resurrection

00:53:52.900 Yeah, yeah

00:53:53.540 You're feeling extra bad about you

00:53:55.780 Somebody's like yeah, i'm gonna get hard again because jesus did you know

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00:55:11.220 Wow, man, so

00:55:15.380 Did you how much times have you been married before no? No, it's for your first marriage. Yeah, I was with I've had

00:55:21.700 Three really long term relationships. I had like a five-year

00:55:27.300 In that started in high school and then lasted to me living in la and then I was with

00:55:32.980 An incredible woman brief for nine years

00:55:35.780 But that one I thought I had kind of outsmarted which was

00:55:42.100 I had already felt so fucking terrible about

00:55:45.220 Cheating on girls. I always got caught inevitably. I got caught and those were the I can't remember those phone calls

00:55:51.780 Trying to explain why it didn't you didn't care

00:55:56.820 Was there anything worse than that? Oh my god. Well, it's tied with driving to someone's apartment to tell them

00:56:03.380 That you're breaking up. I mean those those two for me

00:56:07.540 Are like i've had a lot of motorcycle injuries?

00:56:10.260 I'd take of them a million times before i'd ever drive to someone's apartment and just say like

00:56:15.620 I think we're in different places. Yeah, and they're like no shit

00:56:20.580 Oh, dude, the craziest is when you go over there and you knock on the door and they open it

00:56:23.940 But they kind of walk away from the door after the

00:56:26.660 Right, so it's just fully up for you to walk in and talk to you know, it's like

00:56:31.060 When the gig is up, dude. Oh, fuck. I hate it so much

00:56:34.500 And then you know, you've been feeling that way for months in my case before you have the balls to drive over and and fucking

00:56:41.940 Be honest. Yeah, and then so that drive isn't is it is insufferable and then sitting in there is so terrible

00:56:49.380 But there is that feeling when you walk out the door and you've made it and you're walking to your car

00:56:54.660 We used to go. Oh, oh, thank god. Okay. Oh, you do get that blast of like relief

00:57:01.540 Yeah, and then a day later you're like, I think i'm in love with

00:57:05.780 I think I love her so much and I fucked up. Yeah, I think I really fucked up

00:57:10.260 Then you're insanely in love with her for a few days

00:57:12.340 And then you gotta like white knuckle that just like it's booze or coke to not re-engage

00:57:18.180 Anywho, what were we? Oh

00:57:20.260 Oh

00:57:21.540 So when breen I met we met

00:57:23.780 um

00:57:24.580 Cheating on two people. Oh, okay, right

00:57:28.340 And I knew immediately i'm like i fucking love this girl like oh my god

00:57:32.900 Do I love this girl like I want to have kids with this girl at some point wow

00:57:36.980 And you had you ever felt like that before or no

00:57:41.780 I guess I did a

00:57:42.980 Uh, the girl I was cheating on with that. I'd been with for five years certainly

00:57:46.900 But that had run its course in that like I had moved to la to pursue this

00:57:51.060 She was she hadn't joined me. It was kind of obvious. We also got kind of

00:57:56.580 We got realistic about the fact that we only see each other four times a year and like that got a little

00:58:02.020 It approached an open relationship or maybe even became one. It kind of was just like look you're a human. I'm a human

00:58:07.620 I'm, 20

00:58:08.820 You know children so we were kind of grown up about that

00:58:12.100 So then when I met breen and we met cheating

00:58:15.780 I just had this moment of honesty with or I said like

00:58:19.220 I would like to have kids with you and make it to 30 and have kids

00:58:24.340 And I don't think you and I will make it if if one of the requirements is monogamy

00:58:29.460 I just think we're fooling ourselves like if that be if that's one of the deal breakers

00:58:34.660 We're not going to make it to the part. I want to make it to where we have a kid

00:58:38.820 and

00:58:39.780 She was like I don't

00:58:42.420 So what are you suggesting? I'm like basically like

00:58:46.020 I don't want to lose you over that

00:58:48.020 I'm liable to do it and I feel like you're probably liable to do it. We just met cheating on each other, you know two right

00:58:53.620 And um

00:58:54.740 There was this kind of weird in a mary uh inter intermarry

00:59:00.180 whatever

00:59:01.220 period where

00:59:03.060 She like ended up

00:59:04.820 Chatting with her mom about it and all this stuff and then at some point she just came to me and said like

00:59:09.540 Yeah, I guess if I don't know anything

00:59:11.540 I don't really care and I was like yeah, and I don't I have no desire to know about anything, but um

00:59:16.740 I'm not gonna require that from you

00:59:18.340 We both were just like i'm not gonna require that from you

00:59:20.420 So I was in an open relationship for nine years wow and

00:59:24.340 We slept in the same bed every single night we lived together

00:59:28.740 There was no like craziness what mind you I was also a fucking full-blown addict during this period

00:59:34.660 Um, but if she was at home, I don't know what happened when I was at home. She didn't know what happened and that

00:59:39.380 To some degree work. I mean definitely work we stayed together for nine years in our 20s

00:59:45.140 Which is almost impossible and I love her like crazy still do we're still really good friends

00:59:50.500 And both of our lives have worked out great and I wouldn't say that that was the reason ultimately we broke up but all that to say

01:00:00.660 Going back to like getting older being sober longer

01:00:03.620 I you know, I would have liked to have been someone that could have just been monogamous with her

01:00:10.660 Yeah, she deserved that. I also think oh, yeah, I think even within the the

01:00:17.060 With even within those rules. I was scumbaggy

01:00:20.820 Like I definitely hit on her friends sometimes like I did terrible shit under the guise of like well, i'm not lying about this

01:00:27.460 I'm i'm

01:00:28.980 I'm honest in

01:00:30.420 That can be true and also you can recognize that people are hurt

01:00:35.460 That you're leaving a wake of people that are bummed and hurt by you and so it's like great

01:00:40.180 I didn't lie and i'm above board, but people around me are kind of hurt by their experience with me

01:00:45.220 I don't like how that feels yeah

01:00:47.700 Yeah, like bring it like around your friends and they know what you're doing just like all they all feel awkward

01:00:52.340 Yeah, it's like what's going on here? Yeah, that also I think more more like how many because everyone we're very open about it

01:00:58.100 Like dude, I remember it was new year's eve

01:01:03.060 And I went was out of them like in the mountains with some girl and all of her friends

01:01:08.740 And then her friend and I ended up hooking up like in the closet upstairs

01:01:13.540 And then a couple hours later. She's like did you hook up with my friend in the closet?

01:01:17.140 And I was like that's the dumbest fucking thing I've ever heard of right

01:01:21.780 That's correct

01:01:22.260 I was like let the shit up yeah

01:01:23.780 Well, and we're all just at this so stuff like that

01:01:26.340 I think I feel like and some of those things i've had to like make amends for you know, and yes

01:01:30.580 I didn't do a ton of stuff like that

01:01:31.860 But there were certainly moments where it was like

01:01:34.020 I'd be in an instance where I had somebody I really liked and cared about and there was a still a part of me that that

01:01:39.780 Needed to get more validation or needed to be seen, you know, and it wasn't always even about sex

01:01:44.980 But sometimes it's just like I needed to know if I could flirt or that girl would give me some response, you know

01:01:50.340 Well, that's when you connect the dots that like oh because I connected these dots in sobriety, which is like

01:01:58.340 Oh

01:01:59.220 This is the exact same thing like whether I want to acknowledge it or not this sex thing and this approval thing is identical to cocaine

01:02:07.700 Yeah, um

01:02:09.700 I had like the most

01:02:12.180 Visceral experience of my life

01:02:15.620 That pointed that out to me. Well, I had two

01:02:18.660 Um, one was and I was a few years sober and I was single and I was on my space

01:02:24.660 Yeah, and I was on tv

01:02:26.820 Oh my gosh, yeah, just take that in for a second

01:02:30.100 So you were just damn prince charles or whatever. I was enjoying the shit out of my space

01:02:36.180 And also I had not

01:02:38.500 I hadn't looked at the sex component as potentially harmful to me yet

01:02:42.660 Yeah

01:02:44.020 But I remember a gal came over

01:02:46.500 And you were good at sex you said

01:02:48.580 I mean

01:02:49.860 What could be more nauseating than a guy saying they're good at

01:02:52.820 Yeah, that's true

01:02:53.700 Out loud, so that's just a lose-lose for me

01:02:55.620 We'll just pretend that you're okay

01:02:56.740 Okay

01:02:58.180 I certainly

01:02:58.820 Some people aren't good some people, you know

01:03:00.260 Yeah, so let's be honest. The more you fuck the the better you are like you're not coming as fast

01:03:05.860 You're like

01:03:06.580 I'm sure you've had periods where you've fucked seven days in a row

01:03:10.420 No, I never I was always too lazy to do something like that. I think

01:03:14.580 Oh, really?

01:03:15.220 Yeah

01:03:15.620 You were saved by your lethargy

01:03:18.020 If they've had sex twice in a week or

01:03:21.860 Yeah, I was always very like

01:03:24.740 It was like it took a while. Yeah, just like yeah

01:03:27.220 Well, okay, so I need to preface this by I'm ashamed of this what i'm about to tell you like

01:03:32.980 I am ashamed of this

01:03:34.900 But this is very true. I was a few years sober

01:03:38.900 I was single someone had to come over that I had met on my space

01:03:42.900 And I was giving them a tour of the house

01:03:47.060 And I was in the first room of the tour

01:03:50.900 And I had this thought that was like, oh, this tour is so long

01:03:57.780 You had a big house?

01:03:58.580 No

01:03:59.300 I didn't have a big house

01:04:01.860 There was

01:04:03.140 I was like

01:04:05.140 But then I thought

01:04:06.980 What is this? I have a very familiar feeling like it's it's unmissable this feeling I have right now

01:04:12.900 And I like took a second to try to figure out like I know this feeling I know this feeling

01:04:17.140 What is this? What is this? And I was like, oh my god, I know exactly what this is

01:04:20.980 This is sitting in my old drug dealer tom's living room

01:04:24.980 While he measured out shit and told me about his fucking day and got distracted by telling me about his day

01:04:31.780 And I wanted to scream just like fucking give me a bump and i'll listen to you forever

01:04:36.740 But fucking focus and give me the thing like that that impatience

01:04:40.980 Oh, yes teamwork you want teamwork yes, just like

01:04:45.380 Knock off the bullshit give me the thing

01:04:48.580 And then let's talk fucking be all ears for eternity

01:04:51.780 Yeah, but that feeling was is so specific to me

01:04:57.300 That in that moment in the room, I realized oh my god, it's the same thing i'm like

01:05:02.660 I need this woman to give me the thing I need

01:05:05.940 And I hate that I hate that about myself. I hate that for her. I hate all of it

01:05:12.340 It's just I don't want to be insatiably needing something from somebody

01:05:17.620 And dependent on them giving me the thing and I was like

01:05:22.100 Whoa, so that was one moment where I was like, oh god, they're kind of the same thing, right?

01:05:27.300 Oh, and once I recognize that i'm like, I probably have to think about it in those terms like do I feel

01:05:34.980 Worse about myself or people you know, are they benefiting from you know, whatever

01:05:39.780 then the other crazy thing that happened that really sealed it for me was

01:05:44.820 I was monogamous and it was for the first time in like a decade

01:05:49.060 And so and then I was talking to my then girlfriend who was in boston doing something

01:05:53.860 And she told this story about bumping into somebody I knew she cheated on her ex-boyfriend with

01:05:58.340 And they're all at the same hotel. I'm thinking like well, i'm sure they fucked, right?

01:06:01.700 So i'm like i'm mad driving i'm driving in a in the car on the 405

01:06:05.860 And I had been monogamous at that point for like three months we get in a kind of fight over that

01:06:11.300 And we hang up

01:06:13.540 And I just had this like swell

01:06:17.540 Like a swell of horniness

01:06:20.660 The way you do when it's like I got to get coke or I got whatever that really big swell

01:06:26.020 And all of a sudden I was so horny and I was like i'm gonna

01:06:30.180 I'm gonna text kelly i'm gonna text kelly right now and

01:06:35.460 I can stop by her i'm not supposed to because i'm now monogamous blah blah

01:06:38.820 And then I just had a moment where I was like

01:06:42.100 That's interesting you're you're in a fight you feel emasculated by whatever just happened

01:06:48.820 And your body's smart enough to go well, let's get horny you won't have to feel any of this if you're horny

01:06:55.060 And we're at kelly's house and you're getting validated and you come all this stuff. I was like

01:07:01.300 Fuck this is like a defense. Yeah, because it's just like any other thing. I'm so afraid of my feelings or feeling

01:07:08.660 Uncomfortable your body created some my body was ahead of me. Yeah, I hung up

01:07:12.980 I didn't even register what had just happened and all of a sudden i'm like I am physically horny

01:07:16.980 It's not like I made it up. Yeah, and those two things for me. I was like

01:07:21.540 Yeah, this is a

01:07:22.980 This is a whole thing we gotta figure out. Yeah, wow

01:07:27.780 Man, yeah, that's the correct. That's the craziest part is that a lot of times. It's not even you making a choice

01:07:32.900 It could be you choosing once you get the input

01:07:35.540 But but you're like physiological ness is making that it's dealing you the cards and you're like

01:07:41.940 And again back to the brain the area of your brain that's now

01:07:46.100 Sucking up all the blood and running the show isn't the part of your brain your neocortex where you would

01:07:51.780 Think through all the things that are going to happen after this. Yeah

01:07:55.300 It's like you're not even you're these two areas can't be doing the thinking at the same time

01:07:59.380 So once that swell of like craving

01:08:02.900 Comes about

01:08:04.500 This is offline. Yeah, you're like I don't i'm never gonna see tomorrow or that's tomorrow dax's problem. You're right

01:08:12.180 I think i'm bad for him, but today's dax is about to get fucked up and

01:08:17.300 Feel good. Yes, but yeah, it's like it everything the ability to have any comprehension really or any forward thinking

01:08:26.260 Completely disappears. That's crazy, bro. I mean it

01:08:29.380 Disappears. Yeah, it's gone. It's unbelievable access it. No, I mean my biggest thing was just that

01:08:34.900 One of the things I ran into was just commitment a lot of times I would get into a relationship and then I just could not be committed

01:08:40.420 Like I couldn't be committed

01:08:43.140 I just couldn't do it

01:08:45.140 You know what's your explanation of that was it because you you wanted to hook up with other girls or is it because you thought

01:08:52.660 Ultimately, they would

01:08:54.100 See that you're a piece of shit and be out

01:08:56.500 I wanted to have the option to do what I wanted to do. Yeah, I wanted to be for I wanted

01:09:01.140 You wanted it all you want to go to sizzler

01:09:03.540 Yeah, I'm in the mood for wings and i'm in the mood for sale

01:09:06.260 I just

01:09:06.660 And i'm in

01:09:07.140 No, no, I just didn't I just didn't want

01:09:11.700 I didn't want to have

01:09:15.300 Somebody else

01:09:16.900 Like

01:09:17.780 Define me

01:09:19.380 There's a part of me that really doesn't

01:09:21.700 Trust

01:09:22.100 Having somebody else define me in a way does that make any sense or no

01:09:26.820 Yeah, yeah

01:09:27.300 Yeah, it was like even I remembered like when I had a girlfriend. I would a lot of times I wouldn't even say this is my girlfriend

01:09:33.620 I would say this is my friend and then their name

01:09:36.180 And some of that a lot of that stuff I feel bad about man. It was you know, because it's not fair to them, you know, like

01:09:41.220 um

01:09:42.260 But so it was that sort of thing. It was like I just

01:09:45.380 I just there's something I just had the toughest time with letting somebody else to find me

01:09:49.460 But do you think and I don't want to speak poorly of your mother, but do you think it's okay to suggest that?

01:09:55.620 Since mom didn't have your best interest in mind

01:09:59.860 That it was going to be pretty hard for you to imagine that anyone was going to have your best interest in mind

01:10:06.180 I think there could be some truth to that. I just don't know

01:10:09.220 I

01:10:11.940 I I it's hard for me to get there in my head. Yeah, like um

01:10:16.340 Or like intellectually you could maybe see the thread, but it doesn't feel like anything real right

01:10:22.020 Yeah, and for a lot of times for me, I got to get to that feeling space, you know for it to activate inside of you, you know

01:10:27.300 So I just think my mom was just super bit, you know, there just wasn't a connection there and I

01:10:33.140 Really wanted it. How old were you when your dad died? I was 16

01:10:36.740 So and he was very old, you know, but he was cool

01:10:41.140 I mean, he was old

01:10:42.820 But my mom would come to the baseball games dude. My mom was kind of a fucking gangster in a lot of ways

01:10:47.300 Like she would come to the baseball games and she would fucking scream hit it or we're leaving from her fucking astro van

01:10:57.060 In left field

01:10:59.700 And bro, I was already horrible at baseball. I was horrible

01:11:03.460 Uh-huh hit it or we're leaving she would yell and we didn't have any patience for fourth inning every time we were gone

01:11:09.860 Really? Oh, dude, she would pull you

01:11:12.020 Yeah, she would all right. He had five chances. Let's go

01:11:16.820 She would pull me from the game. Yeah, yeah, it sounds like she had your best interest in mind

01:11:22.100 Totally just she was just surviving, you know, yes

01:11:26.500 But again, you can be sympathetic and not judgmental to it, but also acknowledge what happened

01:11:30.660 Right, and I think that's still where i'm at like it's still like there's still a part of me that has like a lot of resentment

01:11:35.140 I think you'll have kids one day and it'll change it all

01:11:38.100 It will because you'll start just you'll you know, um

01:11:42.020 Subconsciously or you'll just be evaluating like wait, where was I when I was three like where like I remember my daughter

01:11:49.620 Came in our oldest daughter. This is probably a year and a half ago

01:11:52.740 She came in and she was like she had had a nightmare that me and kristen got divorced that mom and dad got divorced

01:12:00.740 And I said, uh, okay, well, you know, what happened?

01:12:05.380 Um, someone cheated. I think mom cheated on dad and I said, okay, well a couple things

01:12:11.540 I would never divorce your mom if she cheated on me

01:12:14.260 We would work through that like we're that's not gonna happen

01:12:17.140 But let's say it happened. What would then what would go on? What would happen next?

01:12:22.500 He's like, well, we went live together and i'm like

01:12:24.900 Yeah, but i'd buy the house next door

01:12:28.500 And I will be with you non-stop like i'm not going anywhere no matter what happens that's not gonna happen

01:12:34.900 But if if if that happened i'm living next door to you

01:12:38.900 And you come and see me whenever you want

01:12:41.860 And maybe your mom will date someone that's really cool. Maybe there'll be another cool person in your life

01:12:46.820 Like that's we don't know what it would be

01:12:49.700 um, but while I was saying all this to her

01:12:52.820 I was looking at her and all of a sudden I was just like oh

01:12:56.740 She's nine

01:12:58.980 By nine

01:13:00.420 I'm on my third stepdad and i've already been molested. Yeah

01:13:05.140 like

01:13:07.380 And i'm looking at her i'm like no no she's way too little

01:13:10.980 To be on her third dad and to have been molested right like jeepers

01:13:15.540 You have like a compassion for yourself because I think in my mind i'm always older than I really was or

01:13:22.100 I felt with it or I knew with the score you felt responsible

01:13:25.460 Yes, and I and in many ways I was right and then again i'm palling around my brother's five years older than me

01:13:30.820 So I was always a little bit five years ahead, but I look at this little girl and I think oh, yeah

01:13:34.740 That's way that's way too many things to have happened to a nine-year-old

01:13:38.740 Wow, right?

01:13:41.620 Yeah, that's kind of interesting. I think I probably need to get to that place in my life. I would like to yeah, i'm time definitely like

01:13:49.140 Yeah, i'm tired of kind of living in the same place sometimes, you know, so i'm just working on some of that stuff with my sponsor

01:13:55.460 What's the longest you've been with a girl a girl probably three years, maybe?

01:13:59.700 Uh-huh

01:14:00.500 So pretty long I feel like yeah, and so

01:14:03.540 Yeah, it'll happen and then also I fell in love with my work, you know, that's one thing I really fell in love with like

01:14:09.040 Yeah, I love to work, you know, I love to work. It's like a safe thing that I know like

01:14:13.720 How many days a year are you touring doing stand-up?

01:14:17.960 I don't know maybe a hundred and maybe a hundred shows a year a hundred

01:14:22.040 And then you're where in nashville the rest of the time yeah, nashville or uh, um, you know, i'm building the house in nashville

01:14:29.340 Hey, tell me that. Yeah, so we're gonna be like best friends in tennessee

01:14:32.760 This is so exciting

01:14:35.400 Maybe we should meet up in our tour buses like yeah, uh

01:14:39.480 Waffle house or something. Yeah, that'd be cool

01:14:42.360 Um, what made you guys choose nashville?

01:14:46.380 Well, it started with like I grew up around a bazillion lakes

01:14:49.720 Where i'm from in michigan. It's just lakes everywhere. Oh, so it's rural michigan. Yes, so I'm charlevoix. I was

01:14:56.840 Charlevoix is so beautiful. No, not that far out. Oh my god. Have you been there kid rock always talks about it all the time

01:15:01.920 No, it's preposterously beautiful. Yeah, in fact you go there and you're like this is in the usa like the that area of michigan

01:15:09.900 The waters turquoise blue like the caribbean like torch lake is like

01:15:13.640 Yeah, it's so beautiful up there and they have these petoskey stones at which are all tortoise to like turtle

01:15:19.000 They're impossibly beautiful flat stones for skippy. It's incredible

01:15:22.040 But initially we were gonna I found a house. I wanted to get there

01:15:26.760 I kind of wanted to live out my fantasy of grown up broke driving by the houses on a certain lake and I was home visiting my best friend

01:15:33.360 Aaron and I was driving by that lake and I was like oh shit son

01:15:37.080 You could fucking have a house on that lake now like that happened and I was like

01:15:41.480 I it was weird. I was like that happened was it scary though to like fall like like

01:15:47.000 Like lean into like a newer you that like has like money and all of that and pop opportunity and stuff like that

01:15:55.560 Sometimes I think I feel a little bit like uh

01:15:58.760 Yeah, like it's just like um

01:16:03.160 It doesn't fit well or yeah, I think sometimes I feel like it doesn't fit well

01:16:07.220 Sometimes I feel like yeah, I've talked about this before but it's like I don't want to put it's like, uh

01:16:11.380 I kind of like where I am

01:16:13.480 Yeah, but is it that or is it that you're afraid?

01:16:17.100 I'm afraid what people will think of me. Yes, so I have that too

01:16:19.980 Like i'm from a very blue-collar half the town was on welfare

01:16:23.460 There's a fight in school three or four times a day, you know

01:16:27.220 Violent drunk blue-collar place

01:16:32.100 It's the last suburb out of you, right?

01:16:35.420 What's that like a union? Yes. Yes. Everyone's parents were in the uaw where I grew up, but it's the last

01:16:42.020 Suburb out of detroit before it turns to just cornfields

01:16:45.960 So it's like if you went

01:16:47.280 Uh east it got like more and more built up

01:16:50.420 But if you went west of where I was from it was just past years the kids got on my bus with

01:16:54.900 Horseshit all over their boots from shovel and shit, so it was like hillb

01:16:58.780 It was muir. Is that new? I went to muir junior high. No, you didn't yes

01:17:02.420 M-U-I-R what? M-U-I-R? Yeah, why do you know muir? Billy strings was just on here and he's he grew up in muir

01:17:08.500 He's a no always an amazing uh guitarist. I just watched it

01:17:12.820 You posted a clip like a few days ago of it. Yeah, yeah

01:17:15.460 And he was talking about shitting on a heated seat at the sunset tower. Yeah, yeah

01:17:18.980 Yeah, so same so I'm the same thing which is like I hated rich people

01:17:23.140 Yeah, I grew up. I hated rich people. They were the enemy. I still hate them. Yeah, I know

01:17:29.940 That's hard to come to peace with for me, which is like

01:17:33.780 At what point are you just a fraud because you're a rich dude now? Yeah, and I can't identify with that because I hated rich people

01:17:41.300 They were the enemy. They were the people that made you feel shitty and that looked down on you

01:17:45.140 Yeah, well, we had a veterinarian dude and he like our street like was like

01:17:51.060 People would go from like town and they would cut through our neighborhood to go to like kind of like the nicer area where people lived at yeah

01:17:57.780 And he was like a veterinarian and he would throw out like the dead animal stuff in our ditch all the time

01:18:04.020 Oh, wow

01:18:04.660 And like yeah, he would literally stop a fucking black mercedes six or seven cats

01:18:09.140 Oh, he's just driving off a bunch of fucking bichon carcasses

01:18:13.620 And just hitting the road

01:18:15.460 Up there to richville and we would all get out there and yell and call them queer or whatever

01:18:19.540 And then fry up the food

01:18:21.300 And thank them and thank jesus for the meal

01:18:24.580 No, we would throw like the bones at each other

01:18:27.220 We would make like dinosaurs out of the bones and hide them and shit and fucking

01:18:30.980 But I think something like that. Yeah, there was well the rich were always an enemy, you know

01:18:35.060 Yeah, yeah, yeah, you always had to have an enemy, you know, so I think there's still good enemies to find out there

01:18:40.980 And maybe they're not all rich. Maybe it's just more about like greed or like well, but the thing

01:18:47.460 that

01:18:48.580 i'm

01:18:50.100 Entertaining is like

01:18:52.020 Yeah, that's gonna happen

01:18:53.620 People who are my people are gonna hate me because i'm rich

01:18:59.460 Well, I don't what can I do about that like that's that's their thing just like it was my thing

01:19:03.700 And

01:19:04.740 To to pretend i'm something other than i'm not feels like an even bigger

01:19:12.260 Contradiction or or or hypocrisy. Yeah, right like I gotta be realistic. I'm still

01:19:19.460 I still feel very comfortable

01:19:22.260 In the shit though most comfortable. Yeah, and so I think if you

01:19:28.900 Met me I whatever you thought or you were mad about I don't

01:19:33.860 Think you would feel that way. Yes, I'm not above anyone. I just I got some paper and I fucking love it

01:19:38.980 And I want to keep it. Yeah, that's all I wanted. I've fucking been working so hard to get that fucking paper

01:19:44.420 I didn't want to be a rich guy, but I wanted the paper more than anyone else. I ever

01:19:48.740 Oh, that's interesting

01:19:50.420 So

01:19:51.220 Yeah, and I think also being rich can be like a attitude, too

01:19:54.660 I think that's a lot of it

01:19:56.020 It's like there was something about the attitude of it

01:19:58.500 Nepotism shit like that. I don't like I didn't like

01:20:02.340 That's some of the shit. I just are I don't know

01:20:04.660 I still have a chip on my shoulder about like the kind of east coast blue bloody

01:20:10.100 these schools

01:20:12.020 the dress

01:20:12.740 but

01:20:14.580 Dude, I went to vacation this year with my kids in Martha's vineyard

01:20:19.380 Right, so yeah, and i'm like well, what are we gonna do here?

01:20:23.380 How are we gonna play this? We're gonna act like you can't be there and act like you don't go there

01:20:27.780 I I and my wife was like, why do you want to go to Martha's vineyard? And I'm like

01:20:31.460 Those kennedys could go anywhere. Yeah, the kennedys were the gangsters of all gangsters. They could go anywhere

01:20:37.860 If they went there and set up shop

01:20:40.500 There has to be something there. Oh, I see what you're saying

01:20:43.300 Like I got to see why about it the people that could have done anything landed there. Oh, that's interesting

01:20:49.300 I was like curious and I went there's like, oh, yeah, no shit people

01:20:53.300 It's fucking incredible. Is it nice? Yes, and again, this is what I tell myself. What's nice about it. It's like

01:20:59.300 Hey, it's just fucking gorgeous. Have you been at daytona beach a million times? That's where we go for our

01:21:04.900 You know winter break my mom would drive us in a van and we would sleep in the van down at daytona. Yeah, I hadn't been there before

01:21:11.380 It blew my mind

01:21:13.380 But a different vibe than Martha's vineyard. Yeah. Yeah, I can imagine that you go to ron john down on cocoa beach

01:21:19.620 Yeah, I've been over there

01:21:21.620 Yeah, I'm sure when I was a kid

01:21:25.220 Yeah, that was the best

01:21:26.660 In the in the sand is so hard packed in daytona that my brother and I remember going there

01:21:31.300 This is what always happened. We would drive down in a van the four of us

01:21:34.740 Um, we'd sleep in the van and it would always be the shittiest weather that florida had the whole year

01:21:39.780 We'd be leaving michigan in this in the snow and then we would get there all excited and then it'd be like 49

01:21:44.740 So one day we were there it was raining. It was cold as hell

01:21:47.780 But the scene was so hard packed that my brother and I were on our skateboards and we had like windbreakers

01:21:52.820 And it the the the wind just pushed us down the beach on our skateboards like flying

01:21:58.260 One of my greatest memories of my whole life. That's such a good feeling, dude

01:22:02.500 Yeah, yeah

01:22:03.620 Do you skateboard on the beach?

01:22:06.020 I don't even know how you would do it. Oh on the boardwalk. No on the same

01:22:09.620 Oh, wow. I know people listening would probably not believe this, but yeah, I don't a everyone drives on it

01:22:15.060 So it's just like really packed down and then if it rains it was just like being on concrete. Damn. Yeah. Oh, what a moment

01:22:21.460 Yeah, what's martha's vineyards like like I think of it is like there's ducks kind of there are ducks

01:22:26.740 You're gonna find all all variety of waterfowl there. Yeah, and there's a lot of

01:22:31.300 But i'll tell you the thing that i'll say they do have a restriction on how big of a house you can build there

01:22:36.740 So like this place versus um

01:22:40.180 Miami hamptons, right?

01:22:42.180 So the hamptons attracts billionaires

01:22:45.620 Martha's vineyards

01:22:46.580 millionaires

01:22:47.860 I know that's a stupid distinction to make but for me

01:22:51.540 Still with this weird class warfare thing. I was like, okay, well, there's no yachts out here. There's no people with like 40 000 square foot houses

01:22:58.740 And everyone's

01:23:00.660 No one's flashy. Everyone drives around in like vintage cars. There's no like bentley's and shit

01:23:04.660 It's like everyone's an old cherokee and stuff

01:23:07.300 You got michelle and uh

01:23:09.140 And they live very they got a spot their house looks to be bigger than the square footage

01:23:15.780 Allotment a lot

01:23:16.900 Yeah, that definitely looks like it's a lot

01:23:19.460 Yeah, it looks like there was at least a kickback of a bedroom or two

01:23:22.740 Yeah, that might be some kind of presidential clause

01:23:25.860 Um, yeah, bobby kennedy's always up there. He always talks about it

01:23:29.540 Um, and just growing up there and um, yeah, they have the um, uh, what is it?

01:23:34.100 Kenny

01:23:35.380 Kenny bunkport there?

01:23:36.260 It is

01:23:36.580 Is that their whole thing?

01:23:37.860 Yeah, so they the you cross

01:23:40.660 Uh, a little bridge out of martha's vineyard into a tinier island that's called

01:23:45.940 Hyannisport

01:23:47.060 Yes

01:23:48.180 That's where ted kennedy crashed

01:23:50.740 No, yeah

01:23:52.260 Oh, man, they

01:23:53.140 There's not a single stoplight on the whole island

01:23:55.460 Yeah, it's just all stop signs

01:23:56.900 Do you think they'd put one in after what happened to ted kennedy?

01:23:58.900 You would think they would have put cameras everywhere

01:24:02.100 Yeah, dude

01:24:02.580 Oh, I can't believe that

01:24:03.940 Yeah, I can't even imagine you pull up and

01:24:06.820 somebody's just

01:24:08.580 Just making just salmon or whatever on the porch

01:24:12.580 Fresh salmon they just hossed in

01:24:14.660 But yeah, I think maybe your money thing is a little bit like

01:24:18.500 You'd be betraying

01:24:19.620 It's just interesting to see what it's like

01:24:21.780 Okay, well never had any money now I have some money

01:24:24.100 Yeah, well, what's this like?

01:24:25.460 You know, I mean the nicest part is being able to

01:24:29.300 Eat whatever you want

01:24:30.340 Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah

01:24:31.460 That's the best, dude

01:24:32.260 And you go to a restaurant and you know that you can pay the tab if your friends want to eat

01:24:36.180 Yeah, there's three things that will make me feel rich

01:24:41.780 Because I was in LA for 10 years trying to get a job acting in clinic

01:24:45.860 So I was living on eight grand a year for like a decade in Santa Monica

01:24:50.100 So like I could never order pizza I wanted pizza so fucking bad

01:24:53.700 I could just barely stay drunk on my budget

01:24:56.260 And then I had to really be entertaining to the dudes who had coke

01:24:59.540 But where was I going with that?

01:25:02.580 Eight thousand

01:25:04.260 Oh, so now when I order pizza, I'm like, yeah, um, four

01:25:08.980 My wife's like, we need one

01:25:10.420 I'm like, we'll get four

01:25:13.060 And I feel so rich that I can order any fucking amount of pizzas I want

01:25:18.340 The other thing is I go to the gas station and I'm not

01:25:21.940 I'm not even sure what it is a gallon

01:25:24.260 And I love that feeling

01:25:25.540 I used to fill up my fucking Honda Civic like halfway

01:25:28.180 Yeah

01:25:28.740 And if it was 10 cents more, I was stressed

01:25:31.220 Yeah

01:25:31.620 So just getting gas, I feel like a bazillionaire

01:25:35.060 Yeah

01:25:35.300 And the other thing is a second fridge with beverages in it

01:25:38.500 That's what like kids I grew up with that were rich

01:25:40.980 They had another fridge in their garage with all kinds of beverages

01:25:44.740 So like those three things have me feeling like a Rockefeller

01:25:48.340 Dude, we had this cereal closet

01:25:50.660 We ate cereal probably, I would say, 400 nights a year

01:25:57.140 Okay

01:25:57.620 And I remember we had this cereal closet

01:26:01.860 And sometimes if you were hungry, my mom would literally put you in there

01:26:04.420 There was no light in there

01:26:05.380 There was 26 boxes of cereal in there

01:26:07.460 And she'd be like, don't come out until you are full

01:26:10.580 And just go in there in the dark and fucking eat cereal

01:26:13.620 And would you eat it with milk in a bowl?

01:26:15.220 No, you just fucking get your hand in there and enjoy yourself like a fucking man

01:26:18.660 Right

01:26:19.540 Right

01:26:19.940 But that kind of

01:26:21.380 Oh, that kind of shit I loved, man

01:26:23.380 They just said

01:26:24.260 I just saw something the other day about the endless shrimp

01:26:26.340 They were having people ruined it

01:26:28.100 Oh, how?

01:26:28.900 They were losing money

01:26:30.100 Oh

01:26:30.420 Yeah

01:26:30.980 Red lobster

01:26:31.860 Oh, here it is

01:26:33.540 Endless shrimp is financially ruining red lobster

01:26:36.020 I lived for a fucking endless anything when it was broke

01:26:40.560 Yeah, endless tits, dude, my fucking buddy's mom had

01:26:43.780 I remember that broke for sure, dude

01:26:46.500 Oh, she had those

01:26:48.900 Yeah, you had to get up early and feed those tits

01:26:51.700 Those things had milk in them, you know

01:26:54.660 Lobster

01:26:56.540 In an earnings report

01:26:57.660 In early November

01:27:00.140 Ludovic Regis

01:27:01.780 Oh my god, they lost $11 million

01:27:03.820 Keeping shrimp out

01:27:05.620 Let me see

01:27:07.400 I think like every company in the world is now operating like a startup

01:27:10.680 They think it's a good idea to just be hemorrhaging money the whole time

01:27:14.780 And just grow, grow, grow

01:27:16.080 They're like, fuck it, we'll worry about this later

01:27:18.280 We need more red lobsters on every corner

01:27:20.320 The Thai Union Group, which owns Red Lobster

01:27:24.320 Announced that its ultimate endless shrimp deal

01:27:26.280 Which is normally a limited time offer

01:27:27.940 But was added to the daily menu in June

01:27:29.980 Wow

01:27:30.460 Was it exceedingly popular

01:27:32.460 That it's so popular it caused the restaurant

01:27:34.300 To post an operating loss of more than $11 million

01:27:37.500 How would you not, after a week

01:27:40.460 Look at the books and be like

01:27:42.380 Hey, the shrimp has to end

01:27:44.680 Yeah

01:27:45.340 I don't know how it took them to the end of the year

01:27:47.540 We want to keep it on the menu, the guy says

01:27:49.860 And of course, we need to be much more careful regarding

01:27:53.620 What are the entry points

01:27:54.920 And what is the price point we're offering

01:27:56.540 Now for $25

01:27:58.160 Guests can choose two shrimp-centric options

01:28:01.360 When they are ready for more

01:28:03.420 They can order additional shrimp selections

01:28:05.240 We had a place called The Big Shrimp over there

01:28:08.240 And people would go there

01:28:10.260 And fucking, they had a

01:28:11.380 Oof, Cheddar Bay Biscuits though

01:28:14.000 Oh, those things are good

01:28:14.960 Those are incredible

01:28:16.040 Do you remember the first time you ate at Red Lobster?

01:28:19.140 Mine's crystal clear

01:28:20.080 We had a place called The Big Shrimp

01:28:22.120 Oh, okay

01:28:22.540 And it was not a Red Lobster

01:28:24.420 And they had a huge

01:28:25.960 They had like a stuffed shrimp mascot or whatever

01:28:31.320 Outside on Friday night

01:28:32.500 And people would always just drive by

01:28:35.640 And just like

01:28:36.100 Call them a homosexual or whatever

01:28:38.320 It was pretty sad

01:28:39.020 Yeah, yeah, yeah

01:28:39.640 And they shouldn't have

01:28:40.300 But we did it

01:28:41.720 So it was like

01:28:43.480 Yeah, yeah

01:28:43.920 It was just that kind of shit

01:28:45.320 I try to explain to people

01:28:46.440 Like when I grew up littering

01:28:48.380 Not only was littering

01:28:49.840 It wasn't a thing

01:28:51.280 Littering?

01:28:52.180 Littering

01:28:52.580 Yeah

01:28:52.840 Like my mom's a good person

01:28:54.900 And we would stop

01:28:56.260 Like sometimes we would drive to Toronto

01:28:58.040 As soon as we got over the bridge in Windsor

01:29:00.380 We would stop at McDonald's

01:29:01.600 Because they had special Canadian bacon

01:29:03.160 And we'd get everything right

01:29:05.080 And we'd be driving in the car

01:29:06.720 And we'd like all eat

01:29:08.060 And then we'd pack the bag back up

01:29:09.600 My mom would roll

01:29:10.280 And just shove the whole thing out

01:29:12.700 And no one ever

01:29:14.340 Like it was a non-thing

01:29:16.360 It was like she's

01:29:17.320 No, it wasn't

01:29:18.280 Yes, it was

01:29:19.200 In 1982

01:29:20.320 Every third car

01:29:22.360 Was shoving an enormous bag

01:29:24.820 Of fucking trash

01:29:25.760 Out their window

01:29:26.480 And no one thought about it

01:29:27.960 Like my mom's not a heathen

01:29:29.680 Yeah, no

01:29:30.340 She would never do that now

01:29:31.940 I would never do that now

01:29:33.020 But yeah, you just

01:29:33.940 Every time you were done

01:29:34.900 With something in your car

01:29:35.520 You'd be like

01:29:35.900 Right out the window

01:29:36.920 Didn't care

01:29:37.520 Cigarettes

01:29:38.160 The whole nine

01:29:38.800 It was so liberating

01:29:40.220 I miss it

01:29:41.940 Yeah

01:29:42.260 Oh, there was definitely

01:29:43.300 Something

01:29:43.680 There was definitely

01:29:45.260 Something nice about back then

01:29:46.700 Oh, yeah

01:29:47.400 Natural Resources and Environmental Protection Act

01:29:50.740 Causing litter

01:29:52.020 They made it illegal in Michigan in 1994

01:29:54.500 Wow

01:29:55.140 Well, there you go

01:29:56.280 94

01:29:56.980 I'm talking about 82 going to Toronto

01:29:59.200 Oh, yeah

01:29:59.600 I'm sure the Canadians were ahead of us a little bit

01:30:01.240 But probably not until 89

01:30:02.560 This is when nature was looking for a sip of orange soda

01:30:06.060 Yeah

01:30:06.400 Maybe we told ourselves

01:30:07.660 Like the deer eat that bag and everything

01:30:10.140 They'll eat it all right up

01:30:11.400 Yeah, that was fun, man

01:30:14.100 I remember

01:30:14.700 Yeah, I remember my buddy William's dad

01:30:18.100 Would take us to McDonald's sometimes

01:30:20.040 And getting that orange soda

01:30:21.580 Remember how good it tasted when we were a kid?

01:30:23.860 Yeah, yeah

01:30:24.180 It's never tasted as good

01:30:25.300 It's still good

01:30:25.980 But it's not

01:30:26.680 Yeah

01:30:27.260 There's nothing like when you're a kid

01:30:28.740 And you're drinking orange soda

01:30:29.860 And having a hamburger

01:30:31.020 Do you remember the enormous

01:30:32.420 They had like these barrel coolers

01:30:35.040 Like a kid might have a birthday party

01:30:36.760 And they'd get the McDonald's barrel cooler

01:30:39.020 With the orange soda in it

01:30:41.160 No, I never saw that

01:30:42.060 Oh, yeah

01:30:42.360 I went to a couple birthday parties that had that

01:30:44.420 Just like a keg of orange soda

01:30:47.420 Oh

01:30:48.080 Is it even soda?

01:30:49.520 It's an orange drink

01:30:50.520 It's orange something, yeah

01:30:51.980 Oh, there it is

01:30:52.680 Wow

01:30:52.940 You don't recognize that?

01:30:53.760 I never saw that

01:30:54.880 By the way, that'd be a cool retro thing to have at the house

01:30:58.300 That'd be so sick, man

01:30:59.500 I might add that to the list of an extra fridge with drinks

01:31:02.120 And then a McDonald's barrel

01:31:03.760 I remember getting

01:31:05.580 My mom would always be like

01:31:07.780 You guys should study the menu

01:31:09.160 And make sure you get like

01:31:10.620 The best thing or whatever

01:31:12.380 And we're like

01:31:12.740 What the fuck are you talking about?

01:31:14.000 Like we're at fucking McDonald's

01:31:15.380 Yeah, yeah, yeah

01:31:15.940 That would have been a McDLT when I was a kid

01:31:18.380 She always tried to make it so fancy or whatever

01:31:21.320 And afterwards

01:31:22.840 Sometimes we would go

01:31:24.160 We would go to get a dessert

01:31:26.880 Somewhere else at this cookie shop

01:31:28.300 And they had like

01:31:29.980 Regular cookies that were kind of for kids

01:31:32.120 And they had a couple of cookies

01:31:33.060 That were like for adults

01:31:34.160 Maybe like eclair

01:31:37.660 But just like

01:31:38.300 Fancy looking

01:31:40.320 Cannoli

01:31:40.960 Yeah, just shit like

01:31:42.200 That was not for kids

01:31:43.520 Right, right, right

01:31:44.360 And every now and then

01:31:45.000 You would get one

01:31:45.820 And you would just

01:31:46.380 Oh, a biscuit

01:31:48.100 Or whatever that is

01:31:48.920 Biscotti

01:31:49.460 Biscotti

01:31:50.360 The perfect trap

01:31:51.820 It looks like it's good

01:31:52.920 You get it

01:31:53.500 And it's fucking horrible

01:31:54.820 And you hate yourself

01:31:56.700 For the rest of the day

01:31:57.640 Oh yeah, that is terrible

01:31:59.220 I was thinking of something else for a second

01:32:01.860 Every time I got a biscotti

01:32:03.420 I just wanted to fucking climb inside of my own dick

01:32:06.100 Man, I hated biscotti

01:32:07.500 And I still hate it

01:32:08.240 The second you put it in your mouth

01:32:09.920 You're completely parched

01:32:11.840 You know you're wrong

01:32:12.140 It's just like a sponge

01:32:14.140 And you have to pretend it's good to your siblings

01:32:16.140 And they're enjoying their

01:32:17.180 Right, they're fancy

01:32:18.440 Shit, yes

01:32:19.100 They're enjoying their legitimate cookie

01:32:20.980 Back to the money though

01:32:22.860 Yeah

01:32:23.820 Did you covet it?

01:32:25.820 Or was it something you never were that obsessed with?

01:32:28.420 No, I think

01:32:28.920 I mean, obviously

01:32:29.620 I think everybody

01:32:30.340 You want to have some success

01:32:32.220 There's varying levels though

01:32:33.580 Like I've met kids that are

01:32:35.380 Grew up in the same way I did

01:32:36.700 And they're not obsessed with it

01:32:37.900 I don't know how

01:32:38.720 My wife has zero interest in money

01:32:41.060 Yeah

01:32:41.380 None

01:32:41.860 She doesn't think about it

01:32:43.400 Could care less

01:32:44.040 I can't relate to that at all

01:32:45.760 But it's not like she grew up rich

01:32:47.860 She's from Michigan too

01:32:49.380 I don't like being taken advantage of

01:32:51.500 So I do like to do business, I guess

01:32:54.000 As well as I can

01:32:54.980 Right

01:32:55.420 You know

01:32:56.020 So that kind of thing

01:32:59.080 You know

01:32:59.980 But I guess my thing is just like

01:33:01.660 Well if I have so money

01:33:02.360 Then what am I supposed to do with it?

01:33:04.540 Well you're supposed to save it

01:33:05.900 So you're safe

01:33:06.780 Right

01:33:07.420 So that when you

01:33:08.400 Can't do this anymore

01:33:09.840 And they knock on the door

01:33:11.280 And go

01:33:11.660 This was a big mistake

01:33:12.900 We should have never been

01:33:13.820 Letting you do this

01:33:15.280 Which they probably will soon

01:33:16.520 Do you live with that fear?

01:33:17.520 I do

01:33:17.780 Like I record in the attic of my house

01:33:20.260 And I'm just always

01:33:21.200 For armchair you do?

01:33:22.080 Yeah, yeah

01:33:22.460 Wow, that's cool

01:33:23.140 There's a garage

01:33:23.940 That's like separate

01:33:25.080 And then above it

01:33:26.140 Is a little attic

01:33:27.040 It's like 105 years old

01:33:28.820 And I'm always waiting to hear like

01:33:31.260 Hey, we're so sorry

01:33:33.840 But this

01:33:34.360 You didn't really think

01:33:35.580 You could have something

01:33:36.500 This good

01:33:37.700 And successful, right?

01:33:39.740 It's like

01:33:40.160 You know you don't deserve this, right?

01:33:41.800 And I'd be like

01:33:42.400 Yeah, I guess you're right

01:33:44.040 I think

01:33:44.780 That sounds right

01:33:45.900 Yeah, there was some bad paperwork

01:33:47.480 Or whatever

01:33:47.920 I had this

01:33:49.060 The first house

01:33:50.000 Oh yeah, that's a picture of the attic

01:33:51.680 Why am I so close?

01:33:53.820 Oh, that's like

01:33:55.020 The maybe first episode

01:33:56.820 Yeah

01:33:57.460 I'm sitting way too close to Ashton

01:33:59.840 I don't even have a lazy boy up there yet

01:34:01.320 But that's the attic

01:34:02.180 Oh, that was Ashton Camonial's podcast?

01:34:04.820 Or there's Pete Wentz

01:34:05.860 See, now I've got

01:34:06.500 But also

01:34:07.540 Pete Wentz is from the music

01:34:09.680 Fall Out Boy

01:34:10.560 Yeah

01:34:11.180 But now we got lazy boys

01:34:13.860 And we're pretty separated

01:34:14.960 Do you

01:34:16.060 Do you still want to do acting and stuff?

01:34:20.020 Do you like

01:34:20.520 You've been in some cool movies with Josh Duhamel

01:34:22.720 He's a buddy of mine

01:34:23.580 Oh, he is?

01:34:24.400 That makes sense

01:34:24.980 Yeah, he's a neat guy

01:34:25.860 Yeah, I love him

01:34:26.820 He's a very for real person

01:34:29.060 Yeah

01:34:29.360 Yeah

01:34:29.820 He's a special dude

01:34:31.120 He's almost afflicted with being so handsome

01:34:33.380 It's maddening

01:34:35.060 I did a movie

01:34:36.420 I met him because we all did a movie together

01:34:38.800 Went in Rome

01:34:42.180 Yeah

01:34:42.780 He was playing my wife's love interest

01:34:46.260 And I was playing an underwear model

01:34:48.220 And yeah, I was like

01:34:50.360 Look at this guy

01:34:51.100 He just like

01:34:51.820 He's probably never thought about how his hair looks

01:34:54.360 Yeah

01:34:54.760 He's never even thought about it

01:34:56.640 He's never thought about if he was in good shape

01:34:58.840 He's just in great shape

01:35:00.180 Yeah

01:35:00.760 It looks so effortless

01:35:02.280 I'm always agree with you

01:35:02.960 You know, a lot of people look

01:35:03.780 Like it looks very self-conscious when they look good

01:35:05.900 Yeah

01:35:06.340 Or they put some effort into it

01:35:07.840 It's like this guy's trying to not look great

01:35:09.800 And it's not possible

01:35:10.800 Yeah

01:35:11.280 Yeah

01:35:11.760 He's the real deal

01:35:13.620 Yeah

01:35:14.200 And he's a big boy

01:35:15.740 Look at him

01:35:16.320 He's a big guy

01:35:17.400 What is he?

01:35:17.600 What is he?

01:35:17.960 6'4 maybe?

01:35:19.180 6'70 or something

01:35:19.880 6'75

01:35:20.580 He

01:35:21.460 Look at those streaks of gray

01:35:23.600 My God

01:35:24.520 Yeah

01:35:25.480 It just

01:35:26.220 Yeah, he's almost

01:35:27.200 I have some friends that are good looking

01:35:29.440 And they're like

01:35:30.100 No

01:35:30.660 But Josh is almost afflicted with being

01:35:32.900 He's like almost afraid to show his face

01:35:35.580 He's trying to downplay it

01:35:36.860 Yeah

01:35:37.040 Yeah

01:35:37.420 He's so modest about it

01:35:38.880 All I would do is walk up and down the street

01:35:41.540 And then

01:35:42.180 All day

01:35:42.600 See if girls turned and looked at me

01:35:44.220 That's all I would do

01:35:45.120 I couldn't be trusted with that level of handsomeness for sure

01:35:48.540 I did enough wreckage not looking like that

01:35:52.220 But then you wonder

01:35:53.700 Because I have a couple friends that are so fucking good looking

01:35:57.240 And they've always been so good looking

01:35:59.140 And girls have always liked them

01:36:00.760 And they're not

01:36:01.460 They seem a little disinterested

01:36:03.540 In being in women?

01:36:06.020 Yeah

01:36:06.320 Not like they're gay

01:36:07.840 Just they're like

01:36:08.600 It's a kind of a given

01:36:09.580 Like for you and I

01:36:10.660 We see someone

01:36:11.920 We're like

01:36:12.160 Oh, that girl would never like me

01:36:13.260 I'm gonna make her laugh

01:36:14.600 And I'm gonna put on a show

01:36:15.620 And I'm gonna do this

01:36:16.360 And I'm gonna go dance

01:36:17.220 And I'm gonna do all this

01:36:17.900 And like there's

01:36:18.620 Maybe I could

01:36:19.500 Maybe I could get in there

01:36:21.000 Yeah

01:36:21.440 It's like a huge challenge

01:36:22.500 Yeah, I'm gonna learn French

01:36:23.400 I remember all that shit

01:36:24.760 Yeah

01:36:25.060 And then an enormous reward

01:36:27.040 If you get it

01:36:28.740 But I think they look

01:36:29.980 And they're like

01:36:30.400 Yeah, that gal would like me

01:36:31.460 Of course she would

01:36:32.240 Every girl so far has liked me

01:36:34.680 So there's no challenge

01:36:36.980 Being undefeated with women

01:36:38.540 That'd be crazy

01:36:39.060 The craziest

01:36:40.860 Also, if you're so good looking

01:36:42.640 If you want to see something good looking

01:36:44.560 Just look in the mirror

01:36:45.660 Like

01:36:45.940 Yes

01:36:46.860 Why get a whole other person?

01:36:48.740 Why involve?

01:36:49.360 Yes, totally

01:36:50.120 Why inconvenience yourself?

01:36:51.920 Yeah, yeah

01:36:52.400 That's crazy

01:36:52.520 Just hold up a fucking mirror

01:36:53.920 In bed

01:36:54.900 Dude, that's exactly

01:36:58.060 Do you remember being a kid

01:36:59.260 And you're like

01:36:59.920 Your hair would look good?

01:37:01.800 Like

01:37:02.040 I had all these colics

01:37:04.200 Yeah, me too

01:37:05.320 I hated how I looked

01:37:06.240 We looked at that picture of me

01:37:07.640 The colics are everywhere, right?

01:37:08.800 So once in a blue moon

01:37:10.220 My hair would feather correctly

01:37:12.060 Yeah

01:37:12.360 And I would just look

01:37:13.320 And I'd be like

01:37:13.820 Fuck

01:37:14.220 I'd give anything

01:37:15.860 If my hair would stay like this forever

01:37:17.960 Like I remember trying

01:37:19.020 To make deals with God

01:37:20.300 Like this is fine

01:37:21.560 Like if this is the hair

01:37:22.720 I have to just keep it

01:37:23.960 Like this forever

01:37:24.680 I don't ever need to change it

01:37:26.220 We got this

01:37:27.080 We finally got our

01:37:28.100 The feather looks right

01:37:29.300 And it was

01:37:30.960 It was a daily

01:37:32.960 If a girl

01:37:33.080 I was so ashamed

01:37:34.100 I think I was so

01:37:35.220 I just had no self-confidence

01:37:36.860 If a girl looked at me

01:37:38.380 I literally couldn't

01:37:40.040 Fucking handle it

01:37:41.220 You couldn't

01:37:41.720 I had to be like

01:37:42.740 I must look fucking horrible

01:37:45.380 I spent as much time as I could

01:37:47.080 Like going into the bathroom

01:37:48.280 Making sure I looked at least decent

01:37:49.800 And I had the worst acne

01:37:51.160 And the acne

01:37:51.720 The kind where if you smiled

01:37:53.220 Some would pop

01:37:54.480 Yeah

01:37:55.120 Like

01:37:55.580 So then you're just sitting there

01:37:59.120 Like this

01:37:59.600 You could like

01:38:00.020 Sneeze

01:38:00.760 Fucking

01:38:01.360 Oh this is hilarious

01:38:04.200 Oh man

01:38:06.000 Fog bro is so dumb

01:38:07.060 That's such a bummer

01:38:08.020 I didn't

01:38:08.520 I had pimples

01:38:09.840 I had a good amount

01:38:10.780 But I didn't have

01:38:11.460 I don't think you'd call it

01:38:12.680 Like acne

01:38:13.380 Oh I had the kind

01:38:14.360 They were like

01:38:14.780 So

01:38:15.060 Cystic

01:38:15.600 Yeah they were like

01:38:16.380 In your bones

01:38:17.340 Or something

01:38:17.800 You could see a surgeon

01:38:18.680 What the fuck

01:38:20.180 And metastasize into your bones

01:38:22.140 Oh and they gave you

01:38:23.220 All they had was

01:38:23.960 Your back hurt

01:38:24.500 It was so severe

01:38:25.920 All they had was

01:38:28.240 Oxy pads

01:38:29.240 Right

01:38:29.560 Yeah

01:38:30.120 And they burned your face

01:38:31.580 They made your whole face

01:38:32.680 Fucking burn

01:38:33.440 And you'd scrub

01:38:34.820 Oh you would scrub

01:38:36.140 And you'd like

01:38:36.480 Tomorrow

01:38:36.840 You feel so guilty

01:38:37.600 It's gotta be your fault

01:38:38.640 You gotta like pain yourself

01:38:40.000 Yeah that was it

01:38:41.100 I never thought about it

01:38:41.780 I thought it was my fault

01:38:42.720 Or something

01:38:43.100 Yes

01:38:43.500 And you would just scrub

01:38:44.660 And you would be like

01:38:45.440 Tomorrow this is gonna make

01:38:46.620 So much better

01:38:47.720 And

01:38:48.540 It just made it way oilier

01:38:50.160 And way worse

01:38:51.440 It was fucking

01:38:52.500 Then they took you

01:38:53.920 To get this shit

01:38:55.060 There was this yellow

01:38:57.060 Uh oh

01:38:58.060 Like stuff you would put on

01:38:59.480 Had this blotter

01:39:00.360 And you'd put that on

01:39:01.080 From the doctor

01:39:01.320 Yes we went to the doctor

01:39:02.660 Yeah

01:39:03.080 And it made all your skin

01:39:05.940 Peel all your face

01:39:08.820 Oh

01:39:08.940 It was like an acid wash

01:39:10.220 So then people were like

01:39:11.820 Oh

01:39:12.120 This guy doesn't have acne

01:39:13.840 This guy was in a fire

01:39:16.120 Yeah

01:39:16.540 This guy's a zombie

01:39:17.960 Yeah this guy

01:39:19.080 His skin's peeling off

01:39:20.980 Oh man

01:39:22.800 It's rough being a kid

01:39:23.860 Isn't it

01:39:24.340 It was so rough

01:39:25.820 And then sometimes

01:39:26.800 One of your

01:39:27.280 You'd wake up

01:39:28.000 And one of your arms

01:39:28.960 Was a little longer

01:39:29.780 And you'd be like

01:39:30.180 What the fuck

01:39:31.360 Or you'd see your buddy

01:39:36.220 And his fucking chin

01:39:37.400 Would be like

01:39:37.840 Seven inches longer

01:39:39.080 You'd be like

01:39:39.540 What the fuck

01:39:40.240 It was last week

01:39:41.160 Happened to Ian

01:39:42.380 That was me between

01:39:43.620 Eighth grade and ninth grade

01:39:45.260 So again

01:39:46.100 I had this

01:39:46.740 Muir Junior High

01:39:48.360 I have my basketball

01:39:49.620 Physical I had to take

01:39:51.260 To do eighth grade basketball

01:39:52.780 And then I have the ninth grade one

01:39:54.660 I did not make the team

01:39:56.160 In ninth grade

01:39:56.500 But in eighth grade

01:39:58.460 I was 5'11

01:39:59.640 And 159

01:40:01.420 Tall

01:40:03.180 And then

01:40:04.160 In ninth grade

01:40:05.340 I was 6'3

01:40:06.700 149

01:40:08.140 So I lost ten pounds

01:40:10.820 Meth

01:40:11.160 Grew four inches

01:40:12.540 I had a terrible

01:40:13.900 I was still following

01:40:14.920 My brother's directions

01:40:15.940 And he had

01:40:17.000 He was in a perm phase

01:40:18.100 So he convinced me

01:40:18.700 To get a perm on top

01:40:19.740 And it was super long

01:40:20.700 Really?

01:40:21.380 Yeah

01:40:21.540 I had a perm on top

01:40:22.840 And it was crazy long

01:40:25.660 And the back wasn't perm

01:40:27.480 Right?

01:40:27.800 So it was just

01:40:28.440 Fucking straight

01:40:29.540 But up top

01:40:30.400 Had a lot of body

01:40:31.320 And then my nose

01:40:32.500 Just got huge

01:40:33.460 And my chin retracted

01:40:34.900 And I got super tall

01:40:35.980 And skinny

01:40:36.520 And I was just like

01:40:37.460 And I went to a new high school

01:40:39.340 Oh

01:40:39.860 Fuck

01:40:40.700 From like

01:40:41.220 What a creature

01:40:42.220 I was

01:40:43.120 You were a creature

01:40:44.840 I was I crawled out of a swamp

01:40:46.460 And I had a bit

01:40:48.200 I had life so good at Muir

01:40:49.780 Like girls liked me

01:40:51.220 Had a ton of friends

01:40:52.140 And then I just showed up

01:40:53.140 At this other high school

01:40:54.340 And I looked

01:40:54.880 Fucking nuts

01:40:56.280 John Muir Junior High

01:40:58.040 Is it based on the

01:40:59.080 John Muir Trail

01:40:59.800 Or no?

01:41:02.040 That's the

01:41:02.840 Redwoods guy

01:41:04.220 Isn't it the Muir?

01:41:04.980 No mine is Margaret E. Muir

01:41:06.520 I think we're confusing Muirs

01:41:08.100 My school is Margaret E. Muir

01:41:09.840 In Milford, Michigan

01:41:11.080 Which I heard sadly

01:41:12.380 They just closed down

01:41:13.180 You know I've never wanted

01:41:14.640 To go to a high school reunion

01:41:16.100 But I wanted

01:41:17.000 I got the idea last year

01:41:18.600 I'm like

01:41:18.800 I want to host

01:41:19.520 A junior high reunion

01:41:20.720 Because that was

01:41:21.980 The sweet spot

01:41:22.820 Yeah junior high was dude

01:41:24.420 It was so fun

01:41:25.500 I had a spree

01:41:26.780 Do you remember sprees?

01:41:28.660 Sprees the candies?

01:41:29.560 No

01:41:29.920 This might be me

01:41:31.520 Being five years older

01:41:32.460 It was a moped

01:41:33.320 A Honda spree

01:41:34.380 And I lived like

01:41:36.000 I lived miles away

01:41:37.220 From my friends

01:41:37.840 So it's like

01:41:38.300 All of a sudden

01:41:38.660 I had a spree

01:41:39.500 My dad bought it for me

01:41:40.720 In a drunken stupor

01:41:42.020 I really felt bad about something

01:41:42.980 And bought it for me

01:41:43.620 Oh yeah

01:41:43.940 And so

01:41:44.860 There's a spree

01:41:45.800 Yeah my dad used to get us

01:41:47.500 Hot dogs all the time

01:41:48.840 That was his

01:41:49.480 I'm sorry's

01:41:50.780 Yeah

01:41:51.040 Sometimes you'd come in

01:41:52.840 And there'd be like

01:41:53.300 Six hot dogs for you

01:41:54.500 Because he would get

01:41:55.340 He would drink too

01:41:57.500 He would drink

01:41:59.480 And he would park his

01:42:00.460 He had like a

01:42:01.460 Thunderbird or something

01:42:02.720 He would park it

01:42:03.360 In the ditch

01:42:04.220 A lot of times

01:42:04.820 Outside of our house

01:42:05.520 And I think our mom

01:42:06.660 Actually dug the ditch

01:42:07.640 So he would land in it

01:42:08.720 They were kind of at odds

01:42:10.900 But I had that black spree

01:42:12.380 You saw

01:42:12.740 With the very sexy

01:42:13.940 Purple riding

01:42:14.820 So I was like

01:42:15.940 I was mobile

01:42:16.940 In 7th grade

01:42:18.020 I could go anywhere

01:42:18.820 That one in the upper corner

01:42:19.820 Look how sexy that thing is

01:42:21.000 So I was

01:42:22.080 By the way

01:42:22.740 That vanilla colored one

01:42:24.020 Is really good looking

01:42:24.740 That's beautiful

01:42:25.020 Now that I'm older

01:42:25.720 And more mature

01:42:26.500 Yeah go get you that

01:42:27.440 I would like that vanilla one

01:42:28.840 But I could ride everywhere

01:42:30.500 I had girlfriends

01:42:31.620 I could go to their houses

01:42:32.840 While their parents were out

01:42:33.920 You know at work

01:42:35.020 It was such a

01:42:36.600 Perfect time

01:42:38.040 Dude I remember

01:42:39.160 They had a girl

01:42:39.960 That lived close enough

01:42:40.960 To me

01:42:41.300 And I remember

01:42:41.660 Walking down there

01:42:42.540 One time

01:42:43.060 Because she would

01:42:44.840 Kind of sometimes

01:42:45.420 Let people like

01:42:46.080 Touch her breasts

01:42:46.880 Or whatever

01:42:47.260 And I love

01:42:48.660 I think this is

01:42:49.320 Rural shit

01:42:50.340 That people don't

01:42:51.020 Really relate to

01:42:52.360 Yeah

01:42:52.720 She'd be like

01:42:55.240 Hey come over

01:42:55.860 And touch my breast

01:42:56.980 There were a lot of

01:42:57.440 Girls like that

01:42:57.920 In my time

01:42:58.280 And this girl

01:42:59.160 Was big bone

01:43:00.760 Built like a tree

01:43:02.160 Almost

01:43:02.620 And so you could

01:43:03.900 Run and hide

01:43:04.600 Behind her like that

01:43:05.340 With a buddy

01:43:05.860 On different sides

01:43:07.080 Of her

01:43:07.300 You know

01:43:07.620 And she just had

01:43:09.020 The hardest chest

01:43:10.940 And tits

01:43:11.540 And everything

01:43:11.960 I remember

01:43:12.340 It got me

01:43:12.860 She'd be like

01:43:13.160 I can't even

01:43:13.760 Way hard

01:43:15.100 Just

01:43:15.580 Help me out

01:43:16.240 With that adjective

01:43:17.060 Oh they were very

01:43:17.960 Just fucking rock hard

01:43:19.080 Yeah

01:43:19.280 Really

01:43:19.640 She was just

01:43:20.300 She was a lot

01:43:21.220 Mostly bone

01:43:22.760 Probably in her

01:43:23.520 You know sternum

01:43:24.580 In her breast maybe

01:43:25.320 Oh she was

01:43:25.980 Fucking a real

01:43:27.020 She was mostly sternum

01:43:28.840 She was tusks

01:43:29.820 Oh yeah

01:43:30.500 She was tusks

01:43:31.220 Yeah

01:43:32.080 Mura, Michigan

01:43:33.120 And Milford

01:43:34.560 Are about 100 miles

01:43:35.700 From each other

01:43:36.240 But that is where

01:43:36.980 Billy Strings

01:43:37.500 From Muir, Michigan

01:43:38.520 Population 660

01:43:40.020 Oh so that's a city

01:43:40.960 So Muir is a junior high

01:43:42.860 In Milford

01:43:43.560 That I went to

01:43:44.560 Okay got it

01:43:45.040 Margaret E. Muir

01:43:45.920 But anyways

01:43:46.620 So I had this fantasy

01:43:48.320 And I'm still best friends

01:43:50.120 With my best friend

01:43:51.000 Who I met at Muir junior high

01:43:52.340 In 6th grade

01:43:52.960 Aaron Weekley

01:43:53.520 And so we

01:43:54.320 Both of us

01:43:55.100 That was the highlight

01:43:55.660 Of our life

01:43:56.200 He's a recovering addict too

01:43:57.860 We're you know

01:43:58.360 We went hard together

01:43:59.680 He stretched it out

01:44:02.400 Another 14 years

01:44:03.320 I don't know how he did it

01:44:04.060 But we wanted to

01:44:06.740 Throw this thing

01:44:07.500 But we had to

01:44:08.880 Consider like

01:44:09.800 Certainly a lot of guys

01:44:11.440 Are going to want to

01:44:11.940 Kick our ass

01:44:12.600 At this thing

01:44:13.340 Oh the junior high thing

01:44:14.260 Yeah

01:44:14.600 From my town

01:44:15.740 Yeah

01:44:16.480 There's certainly some dudes

01:44:17.980 Who are not thrilled

01:44:19.440 That I grew up

01:44:20.500 Married Kristen Bell

01:44:21.460 Maybe I already

01:44:23.120 They wanted to kick my ass

01:44:24.240 In junior high

01:44:25.140 But a lot of dudes

01:44:26.440 Got enormous

01:44:27.400 You think so?

01:44:28.600 Prison

01:44:28.920 Yeah

01:44:29.280 You think some people

01:44:29.780 Would really be upset

01:44:30.440 You think?

01:44:30.940 Yeah

01:44:31.140 Yeah I'm pretty certain of it

01:44:32.920 So then we were like

01:44:33.580 How are we going to

01:44:34.240 Have this thing

01:44:35.160 And not have to fight

01:44:36.900 We don't want to do that

01:44:38.740 But it seems highly likely

01:44:40.780 Have you been to

01:44:41.840 A high school reunion

01:44:43.140 And did any guy

01:44:43.960 Get pissed?

01:44:44.280 Yeah I've been to

01:44:44.840 Stuff like that

01:44:45.480 We did a nice dinner recently

01:44:47.020 Yeah there is something

01:44:47.980 You just don't want people

01:44:49.020 To feel that you're

01:44:49.700 Different than them

01:44:50.480 You know

01:44:50.900 That's one of like

01:44:51.840 My biggest things

01:44:52.640 Is just like

01:44:53.400 Trying to make sure

01:44:54.440 That like my buddy

01:44:55.140 And stuff

01:44:55.660 As much as I can

01:44:56.700 Don't feel like

01:44:57.160 That I think

01:44:58.800 I'm different than them

01:44:59.820 And also

01:45:00.480 You think you're better

01:45:01.100 Yeah and to try to

01:45:02.180 Check my thoughts too

01:45:03.340 Yeah

01:45:03.740 And see what's going on

01:45:04.760 With me

01:45:05.280 So that I'm

01:45:06.940 Cognizant of that

01:45:08.320 But have they changed

01:45:09.440 My ego is like

01:45:09.640 One of my biggest fears

01:45:10.700 You know

01:45:11.180 Because it grows

01:45:11.980 You don't even know

01:45:12.500 It's growing

01:45:13.080 Yeah

01:45:13.320 Next thing you know

01:45:13.900 You're just a complete asshole

01:45:15.120 Like I will be stressed out

01:45:17.360 And be angry

01:45:18.420 Sometimes

01:45:19.220 But I don't know

01:45:20.100 If I get into

01:45:20.660 The ego space as much

01:45:22.060 But I get into

01:45:22.900 The overwhelmed

01:45:24.440 Space a lot

01:45:25.940 But yeah

01:45:27.660 I think a lot

01:45:28.280 Of my friends

01:45:28.800 Where I'm from

01:45:29.360 Have been pretty stoked

01:45:30.640 About just podcasting

01:45:33.480 The people we get to talk to

01:45:34.700 And stuff like that

01:45:35.480 Yeah yeah yeah

01:45:35.820 Oh dude

01:45:36.600 I was thinking of you

01:45:37.820 On Friday

01:45:38.500 Because I watched

01:45:39.720 The Ric Flair doc

01:45:41.220 Oh yeah

01:45:42.000 The 30 for 30

01:45:43.240 On Ric Flair

01:45:43.900 And I was like

01:45:44.440 Oh right

01:45:44.940 I remember you had him on

01:45:46.480 That was unbelievable

01:45:47.680 Unreal

01:45:48.360 Just being able to

01:45:49.780 Yeah

01:45:50.020 Spend time with a piece

01:45:51.220 Of your own life

01:45:52.060 Like that

01:45:52.560 Uh huh

01:45:53.160 Like Michael Landon

01:45:54.740 I would love to spend time with

01:45:55.860 But he's dead

01:45:56.660 And

01:45:56.900 That's your dude

01:45:58.540 Michael Landon

01:45:59.200 Yeah

01:45:59.540 That's an interesting choice

01:46:01.160 I love Michael Landon

01:46:02.300 Dude

01:46:02.560 We loved him

01:46:03.240 He was supposed to come

01:46:03.780 To our town

01:46:04.300 He was supposed to come

01:46:04.940 To the rodeo once

01:46:05.800 But he didn't show up

01:46:07.660 Or whatever

01:46:07.980 My mom was all pissed

01:46:09.460 Because she even went down

01:46:10.440 There to see him

01:46:11.060 She did

01:46:11.680 Okay

01:46:14.400 This is kind of

01:46:16.720 Yeah she went down

01:46:17.640 To see him

01:46:18.000 Psychological

01:46:18.140 And you wanna

01:46:18.760 Well I think

01:46:20.100 He was supposed to come

01:46:21.020 What project

01:46:22.620 Did you fall in love

01:46:23.420 With Michael Landon from

01:46:24.500 Highway to Heaven

01:46:25.360 Both at the same time

01:46:27.260 Highway to Heaven

01:46:28.120 With Victor French

01:46:28.960 And then also with Victor French

01:46:30.060 When he was on

01:46:30.520 Little House on the Prairie

01:46:31.360 I met Nellie Olsen

01:46:32.760 One time at Chase

01:46:33.480 What a fucking head of hair

01:46:34.960 My goodness

01:46:35.920 Unbelievable

01:46:36.320 That's amazing

01:46:37.180 You kind of

01:46:38.580 Do you think you're

01:46:40.160 Subconsciously trying

01:46:41.260 To have the same hair

01:46:42.460 Maybe today

01:46:43.780 I am a little bit

01:46:44.840 The hair is fucking

01:46:45.900 My lord

01:46:47.900 What I would've done

01:46:49.380 With that hair

01:46:50.200 Oh dude

01:46:51.040 I'm not even gay

01:46:51.960 And I would've definitely

01:46:52.760 Kissed this dude

01:46:53.760 That guy's beautiful

01:46:55.420 I would've done

01:46:56.360 Whatever he wanted to do

01:46:57.860 If he'd let me

01:46:59.060 Just do this

01:47:00.080 Through the top of the hair

01:47:01.440 Like what's the

01:47:02.900 That dude's better looking

01:47:03.880 Than 80% of the girls

01:47:06.080 I've ever dated

01:47:06.720 Which is crazy

01:47:08.560 Do you enjoy

01:47:11.720 Podcasting more now

01:47:12.920 Like what do you feel

01:47:13.620 Like for yourself

01:47:13.960 Yeah I didn't answer

01:47:14.520 Your question

01:47:14.960 How free did you get

01:47:15.920 When that started

01:47:16.520 Like were you

01:47:17.000 Cause you

01:47:17.360 You started podcasting

01:47:18.840 A lot of people

01:47:19.360 Weren't doing it

01:47:20.120 Yeah but I also felt

01:47:22.080 Late to it

01:47:22.860 Like there were

01:47:23.920 Like Maren was already there

01:47:25.520 Chris Hardwick

01:47:26.300 Was already huge

01:47:27.120 Like I definitely

01:47:28.320 Felt like I'm a poser

01:47:29.800 That I'm starting

01:47:30.600 A podcast

01:47:31.160 We just had our

01:47:32.100 Six year anniversary

01:47:32.880 Last week

01:47:33.720 Yeah I think that's

01:47:34.520 Where we're about at

01:47:35.240 You're beyond that

01:47:36.360 I looked at you

01:47:36.800 You've been podcasting

01:47:37.960 For like eight years

01:47:38.780 Oh wow

01:47:39.240 Minimally

01:47:39.740 Eight

01:47:40.820 Jesus Christ

01:47:41.680 Yeah so you're already

01:47:43.000 Doing it

01:47:43.360 I felt self-conscious

01:47:44.640 Like oh this is

01:47:45.540 This is so embarrassing

01:47:46.620 I'm about to do this

01:47:47.060 Was it embarrassing

01:47:47.680 In your acting world

01:47:48.740 Like or in that

01:47:49.360 Hollywood world

01:47:49.960 Did it feel like

01:47:51.000 Kind of a weird thing

01:47:52.900 To do kind of

01:47:53.940 Cause sometimes you know

01:47:54.740 People are always

01:47:56.840 A little weary sometimes

01:47:58.760 I think they're less

01:47:59.480 Weary now

01:48:00.020 But people at the

01:48:00.820 I think five or six years

01:48:02.940 Felt like it was below

01:48:04.080 Yeah just like

01:48:04.980 What am I doing

01:48:05.620 You know

01:48:06.020 I didn't have that fear

01:48:08.200 I had more the fear

01:48:09.860 Of like what does

01:48:10.840 Maren think

01:48:11.620 What does Chris Hardwick

01:48:12.800 Think

01:48:12.980 Like the people who've

01:48:13.640 Already done it

01:48:14.320 And proven

01:48:14.900 What does Rogan think

01:48:16.960 Like this is embarrassing

01:48:18.060 That I'm now

01:48:18.900 Trying to hop into this thing

01:48:20.680 That they've all been

01:48:21.320 Doing for years

01:48:22.300 Yeah

01:48:22.680 But weirdly yeah

01:48:23.820 Now people will act

01:48:24.880 Like I was somehow early

01:48:26.240 Cause then of course

01:48:27.040 There was a much bigger wave

01:48:28.300 After we started

01:48:29.280 But I love it so much

01:48:32.440 I don't have any desire to act

01:48:34.580 I haven't acted in a couple years

01:48:36.000 I guess now

01:48:36.760 I'm so fulfilled

01:48:38.380 I am on four shows a week

01:48:41.600 And I produce six shows a week

01:48:43.460 Oh wow

01:48:44.040 I didn't know you guys

01:48:44.560 Were doing all of that

01:48:45.620 Yeah

01:48:46.140 So it's very like

01:48:47.460 Well thank you so much

01:48:48.360 For taking the time today dude

01:48:49.900 Oh my god

01:48:50.500 I was like

01:48:50.940 I wanted to be on so bad

01:48:52.740 That's awesome man

01:48:53.900 But it's

01:48:54.480 I love it

01:48:55.120 Do you love it

01:48:55.740 Yeah I love it

01:48:57.080 I just love it

01:48:57.960 I love wanting to learn more

01:48:59.180 I love

01:48:59.840 The scary part

01:49:01.640 I think I've evolved

01:49:02.700 As a human because of it

01:49:04.180 Which is like

01:49:05.240 I was kind of happy

01:49:06.640 Where I was

01:49:07.460 You know

01:49:07.860 Yeah yeah yeah

01:49:08.240 It was working just fine

01:49:09.620 Yeah I think

01:49:10.200 I was enjoying myself

01:49:11.460 And it's like

01:49:12.240 I don't know if I've gotten like

01:49:13.860 I mean I've just learned

01:49:15.820 You can't help but learn more

01:49:16.840 From listening to people

01:49:17.880 You know

01:49:18.300 Well I do

01:49:19.380 So Mondays on our show

01:49:20.820 Is celebrities

01:49:21.460 And then Thursdays

01:49:23.220 Is experts

01:49:23.960 So like scientists

01:49:25.280 And fucking

01:49:26.940 You know

01:49:28.000 Startup people

01:49:29.480 You name it

01:49:30.280 Bill Gates has been on

01:49:32.200 Wow

01:49:32.980 Who was last

01:49:35.620 You just saw

01:49:36.280 I had that

01:49:36.880 You know

01:49:37.720 Pulitzer Prize winning

01:49:39.000 Author

01:49:39.940 Who's written this book

01:49:40.660 On communication

01:49:41.500 So Thursdays

01:49:43.740 Is constantly

01:49:44.720 Someone really challenging

01:49:46.420 That's super duper smart

01:49:47.880 And yeah

01:49:48.860 I feel like

01:49:49.460 I'm still at college

01:49:50.660 But I don't ever

01:49:51.320 Have to go to class

01:49:52.080 I don't have to write

01:49:52.780 An exam paper

01:49:53.580 I just

01:49:54.180 The smartest people

01:49:55.340 In the world

01:49:56.060 Come

01:49:56.420 Bill Gates has sat down

01:49:58.120 And chatted with me

01:49:59.080 You know

01:49:59.400 What was he like dude

01:50:00.380 Because he gets such a rap

01:50:01.600 Like everybody thinks

01:50:02.440 He's a like

01:50:03.080 I know

01:50:03.600 He's like this lizard

01:50:05.140 Just like

01:50:06.760 He thinks that

01:50:07.460 People think he has

01:50:08.700 Children in his basement

01:50:10.240 And he's

01:50:10.860 Yeah he's very cleveland

01:50:11.920 Adrenal chrome

01:50:13.140 Yes

01:50:13.440 To stay young

01:50:14.140 Right

01:50:14.820 Which is so comical

01:50:15.760 Because I've both

01:50:16.800 Interviewed him a couple times

01:50:17.900 And if

01:50:18.560 Just look at him

01:50:19.360 It's not working

01:50:20.700 He's aging

01:50:21.460 Very expectedly

01:50:23.340 That's a good point

01:50:23.780 Like if Bill Gates

01:50:24.580 Looked 36

01:50:25.460 I could see where you would have

01:50:27.660 That conspiracy theory

01:50:29.440 But

01:50:29.640 He looks fucking

01:50:31.220 His age

01:50:32.460 Wow yeah

01:50:33.260 Right

01:50:33.840 God bless him

01:50:34.980 He looks exactly

01:50:36.000 How he should

01:50:36.780 What does he seem like

01:50:37.240 I think I get worried

01:50:38.460 When people have so much control

01:50:40.460 That's the one thing

01:50:41.440 That I think about

01:50:42.220 Like wealth and stuff

01:50:43.240 It's like

01:50:43.640 I feel like they should

01:50:44.700 Put a cap on how much

01:50:46.200 Wealth and control

01:50:47.380 Somebody could have

01:50:48.080 Because here's

01:50:48.920 Here's what I wondered

01:50:49.540 Is if

01:50:50.220 Say if one person

01:50:51.480 Makes so much money

01:50:52.200 Does that mean

01:50:52.680 Other people

01:50:53.280 Don't have that money

01:50:54.160 To make

01:50:54.620 No

01:50:55.100 So that's

01:50:56.020 I think a lot of people

01:50:57.020 Have this zero sum

01:50:58.540 Thought of how the economy

01:51:00.220 Works

01:51:00.580 But that's not the case

01:51:02.140 People invent shit

01:51:03.960 And grow the economy

01:51:05.560 So like

01:51:06.160 My favorite biography

01:51:08.120 I've ever read in my life

01:51:09.200 Everyone should read it

01:51:10.520 It's called Titan

01:51:11.380 It's about

01:51:12.060 John D. Rockefeller

01:51:13.100 And it's about him

01:51:14.500 Building standard oil

01:51:15.900 And so

01:51:16.920 This dude

01:51:18.240 John D. Rockefeller

01:51:19.140 When he

01:51:19.700 When he became

01:51:20.620 A hundred millionaire

01:51:21.340 That had never existed

01:51:22.680 Wow

01:51:23.260 The economy was so

01:51:24.440 It was so small

01:51:25.540 At that point

01:51:26.100 That I think they say

01:51:27.280 That out of every

01:51:28.620 Dollar that existed

01:51:30.060 In America

01:51:31.080 He had like

01:51:32.300 Fifty cents of it

01:51:33.180 Wow

01:51:33.900 So

01:51:34.340 All these inventions

01:51:35.840 All these products

01:51:36.860 They all just swell it

01:51:38.280 So it's

01:51:38.660 It's kind of

01:51:39.240 Has an infinite ceiling

01:51:41.420 But I think people

01:51:42.640 Think of it as like

01:51:43.480 We're at a ceiling

01:51:44.320 And they got this

01:51:45.360 But that's not actually

01:51:46.760 Our GDP swells

01:51:48.360 And swells

01:51:48.860 And swells

01:51:49.440 And everyone has

01:51:50.200 But

01:51:50.780 John D. Rockefeller

01:51:52.400 Took all that money

01:51:54.100 And he

01:51:55.380 Started

01:51:56.160 He

01:51:56.540 Mid-career

01:51:57.880 Like in his forties

01:51:58.940 He was like

01:51:59.460 I want to solve

01:52:00.180 Everything now

01:52:00.820 The south

01:52:01.680 What's going on

01:52:02.380 In the south

01:52:02.880 Oh people think

01:52:04.240 Southerners are lazy

01:52:05.500 Why do they think

01:52:06.460 They're lazy

01:52:07.120 He deploys a team

01:52:09.260 Of scientists

01:52:10.040 They figure out

01:52:10.980 Oh like 40%

01:52:12.040 Of the people

01:52:12.520 In the south

01:52:12.900 Have hookworm

01:52:13.740 From walking barefoot

01:52:15.060 When hookworm

01:52:16.140 Gets in your body

01:52:16.960 It overtakes

01:52:17.760 Your intestines

01:52:18.380 It saps all

01:52:19.300 Your energy

01:52:19.700 They have no energy

01:52:20.640 Because they're not

01:52:21.280 Taking in the nutrients

01:52:22.140 From their food

01:52:22.640 He's like

01:52:23.360 We got to eradicate

01:52:24.280 Hookworm

01:52:24.780 From the south

01:52:25.240 Worms were stealing

01:52:25.660 The vitamins

01:52:26.100 Just this growth

01:52:27.800 Inside your intestines

01:52:28.820 Prevented the nutrients

01:52:30.420 From absorbing

01:52:31.020 So he sends out

01:52:32.860 A team of people

01:52:33.520 To educate everyone

01:52:34.520 In the south

01:52:34.940 To A wear shoes

01:52:35.920 And then

01:52:36.540 There's a very simple

01:52:37.980 Cure for it

01:52:39.060 Which is like

01:52:39.480 I think an iodine

01:52:40.400 Regiment

01:52:40.860 So he also

01:52:41.780 Sets up free iodine

01:52:43.140 Regiment

01:52:43.460 To get rid of

01:52:44.240 He eradicates

01:52:45.140 Hookworm

01:52:45.580 There was no such

01:52:46.880 Thing as research

01:52:47.920 Science

01:52:48.740 Before John D.

01:52:49.760 Rockefeller

01:52:50.240 He's like

01:52:51.000 All we have

01:52:51.500 Is these doctors

01:52:52.260 They graduate

01:52:52.920 From all these

01:52:53.500 Different schools

01:52:54.200 No one knows

01:52:55.060 What degree is what

01:52:56.260 There's no standard

01:52:57.280 And then he said

01:52:58.660 Well what's the best

01:52:59.920 Medical facility

01:53:02.040 In the world

01:53:02.920 It's Johns Hopkins

01:53:04.380 Hospital

01:53:05.240 He paid them

01:53:06.420 To come up

01:53:06.820 With a curriculum

01:53:07.320 And then he went

01:53:07.920 To every medical school

01:53:08.960 In America

01:53:09.380 And said

01:53:09.720 I will pay you

01:53:10.840 If you adopt

01:53:11.620 This curriculum

01:53:12.200 So that our doctors

01:53:13.200 All have a standard

01:53:14.500 Level

01:53:15.040 Of aptitude

01:53:16.160 So he created that

01:53:17.280 And then he created

01:53:18.280 Medical research

01:53:19.920 That didn't exist

01:53:20.980 Where scientists

01:53:21.500 Are in a lab

01:53:22.300 Actually studying

01:53:23.300 Pathogens

01:53:24.100 And coming up with

01:53:25.180 So he spent

01:53:26.440 His whole life

01:53:27.540 He

01:53:27.980 At the point

01:53:29.320 That he died

01:53:29.980 He had probably

01:53:30.900 Saved more Americans

01:53:32.280 Than any other

01:53:33.140 Human being

01:53:33.760 Bill Gates

01:53:35.260 Is Rockefeller

01:53:36.340 You should watch

01:53:37.280 The doc

01:53:37.920 Bill's brain

01:53:38.640 On Netflix

01:53:39.300 Does he seem

01:53:40.000 He might have autism

01:53:41.080 Or something

01:53:41.420 Does it seem like it

01:53:42.020 Maybe

01:53:42.200 That seems like

01:53:43.440 He probably has

01:53:44.340 Some divergence

01:53:45.440 My friend said

01:53:45.960 He has it

01:53:46.480 Yeah

01:53:46.860 But

01:53:47.660 I'm not qualified

01:53:48.800 To diagnose it

01:53:49.600 But my guess

01:53:50.240 Is he's probably

01:53:51.020 On some

01:53:51.720 Spectrum of some

01:53:53.100 Neurodivergence

01:53:54.280 Yeah

01:53:54.580 Now what is that

01:53:55.460 I don't know

01:53:55.920 Well and a lot

01:53:56.560 Of people are now

01:53:57.040 Some of the greatest

01:53:57.760 It's almost like

01:53:58.540 Where we're heading

01:53:59.260 As a species

01:53:59.940 Is people that have

01:54:01.140 Some form of autism

01:54:02.160 Are now able to

01:54:03.180 Capitulate or something

01:54:05.260 Or conceptualize

01:54:06.620 The next thing

01:54:08.600 That we need

01:54:09.180 As a society

01:54:09.980 Or something that

01:54:10.900 The rest of us

01:54:11.600 Can't do

01:54:12.200 It's almost crazy

01:54:12.940 How something

01:54:13.800 That 20 years ago

01:54:15.740 Was considered

01:54:16.320 Probably more of a deficit

01:54:17.420 Is now

01:54:18.300 Considered like

01:54:19.260 If this guy

01:54:20.000 Doesn't have a little bit

01:54:20.440 Of autism

01:54:20.800 We're not letting him

01:54:21.680 Near the counter

01:54:22.560 You know

01:54:22.980 Well I just

01:54:24.220 My guest I interviewed

01:54:25.540 Last Friday

01:54:26.260 Hasn't aired yet

01:54:26.980 But she is a

01:54:27.780 Neurodivergent expert

01:54:28.980 She herself

01:54:29.940 Is neurodivergent

01:54:31.480 Which was a really

01:54:32.280 Interesting interview

01:54:33.060 Because I've never

01:54:33.520 Really interviewed

01:54:34.280 Someone that was

01:54:34.780 Just very open

01:54:36.240 About that

01:54:36.760 What does it mean

01:54:37.440 Neurodivergent

01:54:38.180 So that could be

01:54:39.020 Dyslexia

01:54:39.980 ADHD

01:54:40.880 Autism

01:54:42.400 Hyperlexia

01:54:44.000 You know

01:54:44.780 There's a bunch

01:54:46.080 Of things that

01:54:46.540 Would

01:54:46.660 It just means

01:54:47.280 That you're

01:54:48.080 Not quote

01:54:49.420 The normal

01:54:50.480 Right

01:54:51.100 But one in five

01:54:52.120 People in America

01:54:53.500 Is neurodivergent

01:54:55.340 Really yeah

01:54:55.820 So 20% of us are

01:54:57.300 I am

01:54:58.740 Because I'm dyslexic

01:54:59.720 So I qualify

01:55:00.620 For that

01:55:01.280 But yeah

01:55:02.360 She was saying

01:55:03.000 The things that

01:55:03.780 A lot of neurodivergent

01:55:05.120 People add

01:55:05.860 To a company

01:55:06.860 Is like

01:55:07.280 They don't fall

01:55:09.200 For group thinking

01:55:10.220 Going

01:55:11.400 No no

01:55:11.660 I see what's going on

01:55:12.820 And they're like

01:55:13.340 They don't mind

01:55:14.220 Pointing out

01:55:14.840 No no

01:55:15.260 That's actually

01:55:15.960 Not right

01:55:16.820 There's like some

01:55:18.080 Helpful disagreeability

01:55:20.840 That they just

01:55:21.420 They don't get along

01:55:22.440 They don't

01:55:22.860 They've been so

01:55:23.580 On the outside

01:55:24.360 Growing up

01:55:24.980 They're so used

01:55:25.620 To that dynamic

01:55:26.680 Of feeling awkward

01:55:27.520 And people

01:55:28.020 Not you know

01:55:29.080 Embracing them

01:55:30.480 That like

01:55:30.900 For them to point out

01:55:31.940 The clear obvious

01:55:33.560 Thing in the room

01:55:34.300 Is no problem

01:55:35.080 It's easy for them

01:55:36.040 Yeah

01:55:36.320 Because they've been

01:55:36.780 Sitting there

01:55:37.140 Watching the whole time

01:55:37.880 Anyway

01:55:38.120 Top five most

01:55:39.340 Valuable companies

01:55:40.120 In the world right now

01:55:41.100 Autism

01:55:43.180 Well

01:55:43.860 Microsoft

01:55:44.540 Bill Gates

01:55:45.300 I don't know

01:55:45.720 He's probably

01:55:46.080 Neurodivergent

01:55:47.100 Yeah

01:55:47.260 Probably 20%

01:55:48.080 Elon Musk is

01:55:49.320 Admittedly

01:55:50.520 Autistic

01:55:51.580 Google

01:55:53.300 Sergei

01:55:54.140 And the other

01:55:54.800 Gentlemen

01:55:55.100 I don't know

01:55:55.700 But you know

01:55:56.080 These are all

01:55:56.620 Bezos definitely

01:55:57.640 He's coming up

01:55:58.960 A little bit

01:55:59.340 Tismed out

01:56:00.040 And then that

01:56:00.480 Other guy

01:56:01.200 What's the last

01:56:03.960 One

01:56:04.200 It's not

01:56:05.200 Baskin-Robbins

01:56:05.980 What's in like

01:56:06.440 Another huge company

01:56:07.380 Oh Berkshire Hathaway

01:56:09.220 Yeah maybe

01:56:09.840 Warren Buffett

01:56:10.640 Warren Buffett

01:56:11.300 Now he seems

01:56:11.920 Just like kind of

01:56:12.460 Old fashioned

01:56:13.100 Although

01:56:13.840 There's a great

01:56:15.260 Doc on him too

01:56:16.060 Warren Buffett

01:56:16.640 Yes

01:56:16.960 It's fascinating

01:56:17.500 I gotta watch

01:56:17.520 Some more of these

01:56:18.140 Man

01:56:18.420 And talk about

01:56:19.260 A dude that's

01:56:19.680 Kind of living

01:56:20.140 The way you

01:56:20.740 He was forever

01:56:22.100 The richest man

01:56:22.740 In the world

01:56:23.120 He drives the same

01:56:24.600 1987 Cherokee

01:56:26.820 That he's always had

01:56:27.780 He lives in the same

01:56:29.180 5,000 square foot

01:56:30.720 Brick home he bought

01:56:31.600 In Omaha, Nebraska

01:56:32.540 When he and his wife

01:56:33.240 Got married

01:56:33.780 You're like

01:56:34.940 Why does he even have

01:56:36.000 What's the point

01:56:36.680 Of having all this money

01:56:37.640 But he

01:56:38.580 Again

01:56:39.400 I'm not a fucking

01:56:40.260 Doctor

01:56:41.680 I'm not gonna

01:56:43.280 Label him something

01:56:44.160 But in the doc

01:56:45.040 He can sit at his

01:56:46.480 Kitchen table

01:56:47.320 And just go through

01:56:48.700 A pile of documents

01:56:49.720 Like this

01:56:50.100 And he's fascinating

01:56:51.140 Reading these

01:56:51.900 Spreadsheets

01:56:52.600 And doing this

01:56:53.440 Analysis

01:56:53.900 And when his wife

01:56:55.180 Left at some point

01:56:56.080 She wanted to spend

01:56:56.740 Time on the west coast

01:56:57.580 She told her

01:56:58.460 Neighbor friend

01:56:59.160 Will you check in

01:57:01.600 And make sure he eats

01:57:02.600 Because he'll forget

01:57:03.280 To eat

01:57:03.640 He won't eat

01:57:04.460 Yeah

01:57:05.000 So that woman

01:57:06.200 Started coming over

01:57:07.000 And making him

01:57:07.940 Dinner

01:57:08.320 And then she moved in

01:57:09.620 No way

01:57:10.140 And now they're

01:57:10.680 And then the

01:57:11.620 Original wife

01:57:12.880 Everyone was happy

01:57:13.940 The original wife

01:57:15.000 Died of cancer

01:57:15.960 He was with her a lot

01:57:17.040 And then he's still

01:57:17.740 With this woman

01:57:18.380 And you're like

01:57:18.780 This is

01:57:19.280 That's cool doc

01:57:20.860 I mean who knows

01:57:21.800 What

01:57:22.040 Wow that's interesting

01:57:23.480 I didn't know that

01:57:24.180 About him

01:57:24.600 I gotta do some

01:57:25.400 More learning man

01:57:26.140 Well you're gonna

01:57:27.480 You have more time

01:57:28.380 Than you've probably

01:57:28.920 Ever had

01:57:29.340 Yeah

01:57:29.880 The last 18 months

01:57:30.680 Yeah

01:57:31.400 We wanna get her on

01:57:32.840 You had her on

01:57:33.480 Brene Brown

01:57:34.020 Oh yeah yeah

01:57:34.920 I wanna talk to more

01:57:35.840 People that are good

01:57:36.520 About thinking about

01:57:37.660 Like navigating

01:57:39.160 Like different things

01:57:40.180 Like grief

01:57:41.700 Shame

01:57:42.400 Stuff like that

01:57:43.220 Like I wanna have

01:57:44.060 Some other aspects

01:57:45.120 Of that

01:57:45.520 You know

01:57:45.920 Well Brene Brown

01:57:47.340 Her like

01:57:48.860 Knockout punch sentence

01:57:50.020 That stuck with me

01:57:51.220 Is

01:57:51.700 Guilt is I did

01:57:54.180 Something bad

01:57:55.220 Shame is

01:57:56.360 I am something bad

01:57:57.760 And like

01:57:59.420 That's a great thing

01:58:00.860 To run through my head

01:58:01.900 When I'm spiraling

01:58:02.700 Like what am I

01:58:03.380 Actually feeling

01:58:04.660 Right now

01:58:04.980 Are you afraid

01:58:05.880 You'll like

01:58:06.760 Potentially lose

01:58:08.240 Some of your audience

01:58:09.000 By going down that road

01:58:10.200 No not at all

01:58:11.640 Oh that's good

01:58:12.400 I think people

01:58:13.080 Are curious about stuff

01:58:14.420 You know

01:58:15.140 And I'm curious

01:58:15.840 Yeah

01:58:16.400 You know

01:58:16.980 I think one of the reasons

01:58:18.140 I was so late

01:58:18.840 I got on antidepressants

01:58:20.040 When I was 20

01:58:20.580 And so

01:58:21.000 I didn't realize

01:58:22.300 That that kept

01:58:24.020 So many of my feelings

01:58:25.360 In a fucking cage

01:58:26.340 That

01:58:27.080 Cause one of the

01:58:27.800 A few years ago

01:58:28.580 I was like

01:58:28.820 Dude why am I having

01:58:29.760 I feel like

01:58:30.280 So much more feelings

01:58:31.160 Than some other people

01:58:32.120 Sometimes

01:58:32.680 And then I was like

01:58:33.700 Oh because

01:58:34.280 You've regularly

01:58:35.380 Been on that medicine

01:58:36.220 For 17 years

01:58:37.540 You know

01:58:38.480 And so you got

01:58:39.440 Well also fucked up

01:58:40.480 Right

01:58:40.780 Yeah

01:58:41.440 And in party

01:58:42.040 Or at least like

01:58:42.820 Yeah

01:58:42.980 Not in recovery

01:58:43.640 Not getting

01:58:44.080 To be able to get

01:58:44.580 A little bit

01:58:45.080 Of a glimpse

01:58:45.560 Of myself

01:58:45.960 But

01:58:46.320 What was your

01:58:48.020 Preferred substance

01:58:50.000 Cocaine

01:58:51.000 Yeah

01:58:51.880 Oh yeah

01:58:53.040 What a drug

01:58:54.120 I just had Bateman

01:58:55.180 On last week

01:58:55.920 Oh I love him

01:58:57.340 He's fascinating

01:58:58.160 To look at

01:58:58.620 He has one of those

01:58:59.080 Faces

01:58:59.440 You can tell

01:58:59.820 Why he's an actor

01:59:00.440 Cause it's just

01:59:01.320 The most

01:59:01.760 Everything about it

01:59:02.940 Is so engaging

01:59:03.940 And interesting

01:59:04.700 Yes

01:59:05.080 You can just stare at it

01:59:06.480 Yeah it's interesting

01:59:07.260 When he's

01:59:07.580 You're just like

01:59:08.140 He just

01:59:08.540 Yeah

01:59:09.080 Do some thinking for me Bateman

01:59:10.520 I'll watch

01:59:11.020 Take your time too

01:59:12.200 Yeah

01:59:12.580 Yeah

01:59:12.920 But he was a Hoover

01:59:14.120 Admittedly

01:59:16.060 Loved the cocaine

01:59:17.020 He's a party

01:59:17.040 Yeah

01:59:17.340 Yeah

01:59:17.560 And so we were talking

01:59:19.220 And I said

01:59:19.720 Do you ever

01:59:20.160 Do you ever

01:59:20.840 I said I'm not gonna do this

01:59:22.500 But I was directing Chips

01:59:24.400 And I was talking to an actor

01:59:25.560 On the movie

01:59:27.500 And she said that

01:59:28.540 She and her boyfriend

01:59:29.260 Had gone and stayed

01:59:30.060 At Cocaine Hotel

01:59:31.020 In Columbia

01:59:32.320 I was like

01:59:33.600 Cocaine Hotel

01:59:34.300 What's Cocaine Hotel

01:59:35.360 She's like

01:59:35.940 It's a

01:59:36.620 Do you know about

01:59:37.780 The Cocaine Hotel

01:59:38.400 It's everywhere

01:59:41.100 It's on the tables

01:59:42.800 Everywhere you go

01:59:43.520 In the rooms

01:59:44.300 At the thing

01:59:45.280 It's a hotel

01:59:46.340 To do cocaine

01:59:47.340 And I said

01:59:48.440 Do you ever

01:59:49.060 Bateman

01:59:49.760 Do you ever think about

01:59:50.700 Just spending a few days

01:59:51.840 Down at Cocaine Hotel

01:59:52.820 He's like

01:59:53.340 Well I don't know

01:59:54.060 I mean

01:59:54.380 There's so much shit

01:59:55.380 In coke now

01:59:55.960 And I said

01:59:56.440 No no

01:59:57.480 I think this is

01:59:58.220 Farm to table coke

01:59:59.220 I think the guys

01:59:59.880 Are stomping on it

02:00:00.760 In the backyard

02:00:01.460 And then bringing it

02:00:02.640 In a dustpan

02:00:03.660 And then dropping it off

02:00:04.860 I think this is

02:00:05.900 As medicinal and pure

02:00:07.180 Well that's what we need

02:00:07.980 In this country

02:00:08.480 Dude

02:00:09.300 Make coke great again

02:00:11.400 Farm to table

02:00:11.860 We need farm to table cocaine

02:00:13.400 We do

02:00:13.920 You got your vegetables

02:00:15.080 We did that

02:00:15.860 You got your

02:00:16.320 Farm to table vegetables

02:00:17.580 Now let's

02:00:18.400 It's sad that a kid

02:00:19.380 Can't get some

02:00:20.620 Decent cocaine

02:00:22.080 In this country

02:00:22.760 It really is

02:00:23.740 Yeah you knew

02:00:24.380 You were going to be

02:00:25.060 Huffing some

02:00:25.700 Baby laxative

02:00:27.000 And some acetylene

02:00:28.340 Or whatever

02:00:28.800 You knew that

02:00:29.940 But now it's different

02:00:31.260 Dax we'll have to

02:00:32.860 Catch up again sometime

02:00:34.060 Yeah yeah

02:00:34.560 I would love it

02:00:35.140 I'd love to have you

02:00:35.740 On ours as well

02:00:36.560 Yeah man

02:00:36.980 I'd love to come on dude

02:00:37.740 I appreciate that

02:00:38.300 We'll take a little break

02:00:39.000 We'll recharge

02:00:39.720 We'll get curious

02:00:40.980 About each other again

02:00:41.960 Think about some things

02:00:42.920 That we could

02:00:43.280 But Nash

02:00:44.140 I don't want to have

02:00:45.300 Too high hopes

02:00:46.260 About Nashville

02:00:47.480 You know what they say

02:00:48.300 In our program

02:00:49.560 Expectations are resentments

02:00:51.800 Under construction

02:00:52.780 You know that one

02:00:54.380 Yeah

02:00:54.820 That's a good one

02:00:55.620 Do you like it

02:00:56.060 Yeah I like that

02:00:57.260 Expectations are resentments

02:00:58.500 Under construction

02:00:59.200 Yeah

02:00:59.660 But with that said

02:01:01.240 I'm still going to allow myself

02:01:02.800 To have really huge expectations

02:01:04.500 We got to get out

02:01:05.440 On a fucking boat

02:01:06.480 On the lake

02:01:07.220 Dude now that's some fun stuff

02:01:08.640 Some barbecuing

02:01:09.780 On a fucking pontoon boat

02:01:11.600 Good fishing out there

02:01:12.980 What else is there

02:01:14.180 Cannonballs

02:01:14.940 People are so nice too

02:01:16.760 It's very nice

02:01:17.700 It's a small city

02:01:18.980 It doesn't feel like super big

02:01:20.420 Yeah

02:01:21.040 What side of town do you live

02:01:23.100 Do you live by Franklin

02:01:23.980 No I live like

02:01:24.880 Just like right on the

02:01:25.680 Out

02:01:25.900 Like right on the edge

02:01:26.800 Of town of Nashville

02:01:27.860 There's probably

02:01:28.820 Meade

02:01:29.220 Nine minutes from downtown

02:01:30.900 You don't want to tell anyone

02:01:31.780 I don't live in Belmeade

02:01:32.640 No I just live in like

02:01:33.600 It's called

02:01:35.780 What is my name called

02:01:38.000 Oak Hill or something

02:01:39.200 Okay

02:01:39.740 There's not a real hill there

02:01:41.480 But I think there used to be

02:01:42.840 But somebody stole it

02:01:43.820 Or something

02:01:44.180 But it's

02:01:45.860 It's good

02:01:46.740 I got nice neighbors

02:01:47.780 And I got

02:01:48.740 You know

02:01:49.960 But the zoning there

02:01:51.000 Is getting a little bit weird

02:01:51.960 They're just

02:01:53.060 But you know

02:01:55.160 It's a city in progress

02:01:56.520 I love it

02:01:57.260 I love it

02:01:57.820 Yeah

02:01:58.100 I'm excited

02:01:58.600 I go down there

02:01:58.900 And I'm like

02:01:59.340 Oh yeah

02:01:59.620 People are still happy

02:02:00.620 To be in this country

02:02:01.520 Yeah

02:02:01.860 And having fun

02:02:02.520 And I miss that

02:02:03.940 Do you miss

02:02:05.200 Was there a reason

02:02:06.280 That you wanted to not

02:02:07.040 Or take a break

02:02:08.100 From acting or not act

02:02:09.100 Was there like a

02:02:09.780 Were things not as funny

02:02:11.420 As it used to be

02:02:12.220 Or was there

02:02:12.820 Yeah I was on the verge

02:02:13.860 Of telling you this thing

02:02:14.660 I would have not

02:02:15.240 Put all this together

02:02:16.100 But I had this guest

02:02:17.320 On Adam Grant

02:02:18.200 He's a behavioral psychologist

02:02:20.220 At Wharton

02:02:20.940 He writes a bunch of shit

02:02:22.020 He's like a thinker

02:02:22.960 We've had him on a few times

02:02:24.120 And I was

02:02:25.020 We were talking about

02:02:26.080 My story was

02:02:27.520 Okay

02:02:28.240 I spent two and a half years

02:02:29.480 Making chips

02:02:30.180 It came out

02:02:30.880 It didn't open well

02:02:32.060 And I was like

02:02:32.820 Fuck what are we doing now

02:02:33.980 I thought for sure

02:02:34.660 I'd be writing directing

02:02:35.680 For the next ten years

02:02:36.820 That was my identity

02:02:38.060 I'm a writer director

02:02:39.160 Blah blah blah blah blah

02:02:39.980 And I'm like

02:02:41.000 What are we doing now

02:02:41.820 And then I was depressed

02:02:42.540 And then I started

02:02:43.780 The podcasts

02:02:44.880 In the midst of all that

02:02:46.160 Right

02:02:46.400 And I was

02:02:47.240 My story was like

02:02:48.920 Yeah be flexible

02:02:50.340 Don't get too set on something

02:02:52.540 If something shows up

02:02:53.940 Like just run at it

02:02:54.980 And see what happens

02:02:55.740 And he said

02:02:56.580 Well do you think

02:02:57.180 These things are so different

02:02:58.460 And I go

02:02:59.560 Yeah

02:03:00.020 A podcast

02:03:00.920 And acting

02:03:02.200 And shit

02:03:02.700 Yeah I think

02:03:03.300 That's a lot different

02:03:04.000 And he said

02:03:04.660 Well what's your favorite

02:03:05.480 Part of acting

02:03:06.760 And I was like

02:03:07.820 I was like

02:03:10.620 Hanging out at Video Village

02:03:12.600 And shooting the shit

02:03:13.380 With the other actors

02:03:14.240 And the directors

02:03:14.940 And the writers

02:03:15.520 Like that's

02:03:16.540 My favorite part of Hollywood

02:03:17.920 It was like

02:03:18.220 All these people

02:03:18.760 Have moved from some town

02:03:19.960 They were on fire

02:03:21.540 And I get to hang with them

02:03:23.620 Shooting the shit

02:03:24.740 At Video Village

02:03:25.580 Where they watch

02:03:26.180 Playback and everything

02:03:26.880 Yeah videos where

02:03:27.620 After you do a shot

02:03:28.400 You'll go there

02:03:29.020 And just like

02:03:29.400 Look at the shot

02:03:30.040 With the director

02:03:30.560 And he'll say

02:03:31.380 You did this

02:03:32.160 And blocked him there

02:03:33.140 Or she'll say

02:03:33.900 Don't walk over there

02:03:35.120 Whatever it is

02:03:35.840 I said

02:03:36.980 That's what I love

02:03:38.660 About acting

02:03:39.280 And he said

02:03:40.400 Well don't you think

02:03:42.180 You've just made

02:03:43.520 Video Village

02:03:44.420 In your attic

02:03:45.160 Like don't you just

02:03:46.540 Sit here

02:03:47.020 And now actress

02:03:47.640 Come over

02:03:48.120 And you do

02:03:48.460 Your favorite part

02:03:49.360 Of acting

02:03:49.800 Which is like

02:03:50.360 Shooting the shit

02:03:51.140 At Video Village

02:03:51.940 And I was like

02:03:52.480 Oh damn

02:03:53.440 I guess that is

02:03:54.220 What happened

02:03:54.760 I kind of weeded

02:03:55.920 Out all the stuff

02:03:56.520 I didn't want to do

02:03:57.160 Wardrobe fittings

02:03:58.020 And auditions

02:03:58.700 And all this stuff

02:03:59.580 And now I just get

02:04:00.540 My favorite part

02:04:01.140 Which is like

02:04:01.560 Hanging with other

02:04:02.280 Creative people

02:04:03.060 And chatting

02:04:04.140 Yeah dude

02:04:05.640 That's cool

02:04:06.220 Yeah that's interesting

02:04:07.620 Because yeah

02:04:07.980 Sometimes I get

02:04:08.520 People will talk about

02:04:09.900 Do you want to do this

02:04:10.560 Do you want to do that

02:04:10.980 And sometimes there may be

02:04:11.940 Like a friend or two

02:04:13.540 You want to do something

02:04:14.080 Cool with

02:04:14.680 But the best thing

02:04:15.840 About it would be

02:04:16.480 That you get to hang out

02:04:17.380 With that friend

02:04:18.040 Yes yes

02:04:18.800 The other shit

02:04:19.400 Would just get in the way

02:04:20.220 Of the hang

02:04:20.760 Yeah it feels like

02:04:21.300 A nightmare

02:04:21.880 Some of it

02:04:22.480 You're like

02:04:22.740 Well I just want to

02:04:23.420 You know

02:04:24.220 Yeah I don't want to

02:04:24.700 Talk to a second AD

02:04:25.640 About a wardrobe fitting

02:04:26.780 Across town for two hours

02:04:28.140 Yeah I just want to

02:04:29.060 Hang with David Spade

02:04:30.280 And fucking cut up

02:04:31.220 Yeah yeah yeah

02:04:32.000 Dude I'd love to

02:04:33.840 Come on sometime man

02:04:34.600 Yeah let's do it

02:04:35.380 I appreciate you

02:04:35.980 Making time for us today dude

02:04:38.040 And I know we're

02:04:39.660 Kind of all over the place

02:04:40.240 But we're just getting

02:04:40.840 To know each other

02:04:41.400 Yeah yeah yeah

02:04:42.040 We'll do another one

02:04:44.040 That's more cohesive

02:04:44.800 Maybe

02:04:45.380 I doubt we

02:04:46.500 Maybe not

02:04:46.900 I bet we'll be able

02:04:47.620 To make that happen

02:04:48.060 I'm already in my head

02:04:48.820 Thinking about 26 stories

02:04:50.060 I started that I never finished

02:04:51.180 Like why I didn't buy

02:04:51.960 The house in Michigan

02:04:52.840 I was going to buy

02:04:53.460 A lake house in Michigan

02:04:54.300 Fuck that

02:04:55.060 Yeah I can think of

02:04:56.440 A bunch of stuff

02:04:56.940 I'm sure when I listen back

02:04:58.100 I'll be like

02:04:58.580 Dude you should have

02:04:59.380 Figured some stuff out

02:05:00.420 Man

02:05:00.680 Alright well

02:05:03.020 This is off to

02:05:04.200 A raucous start

02:05:05.680 Yeah

02:05:06.320 I can only imagine

02:05:07.260 What's going to happen

02:05:07.900 In Nashville

02:05:08.520 I mean my lord

02:05:10.080 Well you have a family

02:05:11.020 I don't

02:05:11.520 So yeah I'll probably

02:05:12.160 Just be milling around

02:05:13.060 In y'all's yard

02:05:13.720 Yeah yeah

02:05:14.260 But we'll get out

02:05:15.040 On the pontoon

02:05:16.060 With some shotguns

02:05:17.160 And start

02:05:18.380 Slinging skeet

02:05:19.560 I shot my first shotgun

02:05:20.480 Out there

02:05:21.040 In Nashville

02:05:22.160 Yeah

02:05:22.500 Kid rocks us

02:05:23.240 In the backyard

02:05:23.820 He like

02:05:24.280 He'll have a bunch

02:05:24.820 Of people over sometimes

02:05:25.600 And they had a

02:05:26.300 Fucking skeet thing

02:05:27.440 He just kept shooting

02:05:28.520 It off the cliff

02:05:29.280 And we were just

02:05:31.320 Popping them off

02:05:31.920 It was cool

02:05:32.300 But yeah

02:05:32.920 It's a fun place man

02:05:33.820 A lot of

02:05:34.240 Just a lot of

02:05:35.920 Nice people there

02:05:36.800 So

02:05:37.040 Yeah

02:05:37.140 Dax Shepard

02:05:38.800 Thanks so much man

02:05:39.540 Oh my god

02:05:40.060 Thanks for having me

02:05:41.280 Yeah I appreciate it bro

02:05:42.300 Nice to meet you

02:05:42.920 You too

02:05:43.360 Now I'm just floating

02:05:45.120 On the breeze

02:05:46.260 And I feel I'm falling

02:05:47.860 Like these leaves

02:05:49.220 I must be

02:05:50.260 Cornerstone

02:05:52.560 Oh

02:05:55.160 But when I reach

02:05:56.340 That ground

02:05:57.100 I'll share this

02:05:58.140 Peace of mind

02:05:59.260 I found

02:05:59.940 I can feel it

02:06:01.300 In my bones

02:06:03.420 But it's gonna

02:06:05.400 Take it

02:06:06.060 Take it

02:06:06.240 To meet you

02:06:07.660 To meet you

02:06:08.740 To meet you

02:06:09.760 To meet you

02:06:10.240 To meet you

02:06:10.500 To meet you

02:06:10.560 To meet you

02:06:11.340 To meet you

02:06:11.640 To meet you

02:06:12.140 To meet you

02:06:12.960 And you

02:06:13.920 To meet you

02:06:14.040 To meet you

02:06:14.800 To meet you

02:06:14.840 To meet you

02:06:15.400 To meet you

02:06:16.200 To meet you

02:06:16.860 To meet you

02:06:17.660 To meet you

02:06:18.340 To meet you

02:06:18.760 To meet you

02:06:19.060 To meet you

02:06:20.160 To meet you

02:06:20.940 To meet you

02:06:21.700 To meet you

02:06:22.200 To meet you

02:06:23.000 To meet you

02:06:24.220 To meet you

02:06:25.200 To meet you

02:06:25.520 To meet you

02:06:27.100 To NV quelques

02:06:27.920 밤

02:06:30.100 And you

02:06:30.780 To meet you

02:06:33.040 To meet you

02:06:33.940 To meet you

02:06:34.820 To meet you

This Past Weekend with Theo Von - March 12, 2024

E487 Dax Shepard

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